1 00:00:08,681 --> 00:00:11,229 3x17 - Apocalypse Yao 2 00:00:11,910 --> 00:00:15,077 ? Hear the legends of the Kung Fu Panda! ? 3 00:00:15,079 --> 00:00:18,281 ? Doo-doo-doo-doo doo-bom doo boom-boom! ? 4 00:00:18,283 --> 00:00:20,183 ? Raised in a noodle shop ? 5 00:00:20,185 --> 00:00:21,918 ? never seeking glory or fame ? 6 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:23,219 ? he climbed the mountain top ? 7 00:00:23,221 --> 00:00:25,388 ? and earned the Dragon Warrior name. ? 8 00:00:25,390 --> 00:00:26,756 ? Hu! Ah! Ya! ? 9 00:00:26,758 --> 00:00:28,524 ? Kung Fu Panda! ? 10 00:00:28,526 --> 00:00:31,127 ? Doo-doo-doo-doo- sho-bom, doom-doom-doom! ? 11 00:00:31,129 --> 00:00:34,630 ? Master Shifu saw the warrior blossom ? 12 00:00:34,632 --> 00:00:38,167 ? and master the skills of bodacious and awesome ? 13 00:00:38,169 --> 00:00:40,036 ? Kung Fu Panda. ? 14 00:00:40,038 --> 00:00:42,939 ? Doo-doo-doo-doo doom-doom-doom-doom! ? 15 00:00:42,941 --> 00:00:44,006 ? He lives, he trains ? 16 00:00:44,008 --> 00:00:46,709 ? and he fights with the Furious Five ? 17 00:00:46,711 --> 00:00:48,411 ? protect the Valley somethin' somethin' ? 18 00:00:48,413 --> 00:00:49,712 ? somethin' somethin' alive ? 19 00:00:49,714 --> 00:00:51,013 ? Oh! Ah! Uh! ? 20 00:00:51,015 --> 00:00:54,048 ? Kung Fu Panda ? 21 00:00:54,319 --> 00:00:56,118 ? Legends of awesomeness. ? 22 00:00:56,531 --> 00:00:57,498 Sweet! 23 00:01:00,117 --> 00:01:03,142 [traditional music] 24 00:01:04,212 --> 00:01:07,643 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 25 00:01:09,335 --> 00:01:11,202 [panting] 26 00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:13,772 Oh! I'm too late! No! 27 00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:15,807 No! No! No! No! No! [crowd cheering] 28 00:01:20,679 --> 00:01:23,014 Wait! 29 00:01:25,951 --> 00:01:28,153 - Wait! - Gah! 30 00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:33,691 Master Yao! [chuckles] 31 00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:35,894 Oh! Oh, thank goodness. 32 00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:38,363 You almost left before I had a chance to say good-bye. 33 00:01:43,135 --> 00:01:44,569 Good-bye. 34 00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:47,038 Bye, fuzzy! Stay out of trouble! 35 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:50,108 Master Yao, are you absolutely certain that I can't... 36 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,877 Yes, Shifu. I have made up my mind. 37 00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:56,281 Po alone will accompany me to meet with the other master. 38 00:01:58,884 --> 00:02:01,119 [sighs] Yes, Master Yao. 39 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:04,155 Oh, don't sulk, fuzzy. We're still buddies! 40 00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:07,125 Hoof bump! 41 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:10,562 - Besties. - I said buddies, not besties. 42 00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:12,263 Yes, Master Yao. 43 00:02:12,265 --> 00:02:14,732 At least stay in your box for the entire journey. 44 00:02:14,734 --> 00:02:17,235 You have the greatest kung fu mind in history, 45 00:02:17,237 --> 00:02:19,304 holding the most powerful secrets of the Shaolin. 46 00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,506 We can't risk losing them. 47 00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:23,475 You are right, of course, Shifu, 48 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:26,778 though I assure you no ill shall befall me. 49 00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:29,180 Ow! 50 00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:35,483 - [sighs] Bye, besty. - Buddy! 51 00:02:38,757 --> 00:02:41,659 Master Yao, I'm super stoked about this trip. 52 00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:44,195 I mean, hanging with the guy who knows everything? 53 00:02:44,197 --> 00:02:45,763 Awesome! 54 00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:48,533 And I am super stoked to hang with you as well. 55 00:02:48,535 --> 00:02:53,204 Just look at me. I can't stop smiling! 56 00:02:53,206 --> 00:02:55,440 - Yeah. - Whoo! 57 00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:57,942 I can't wait to meet with the other master. 58 00:02:57,944 --> 00:03:01,613 I'm going to share with him the five most powerful, 59 00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:04,883 most astonishing, most mind-boggling 60 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,985 mystic kung fu secrets ever! 61 00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,853 [laughs] Love it! 62 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:11,222 What kind of stuff do you think he'll share with you? 63 00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:13,391 I'm hoping for a good rice pudding recipe. 64 00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:15,627 [chuckles] I like you, Master Yao. 65 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:18,062 You're super smart and super weird. 66 00:03:18,064 --> 00:03:19,964 That's me, baby! 67 00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:23,668 So, Po, since we have some time... 68 00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:25,670 are there any of life's mysteries 69 00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:27,539 that you've always wanted the answer to? 70 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:30,675 Yeah. Who sews Mantis' clothes? 71 00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:33,378 I mean, you'd need a teeny, tiny little needle, and... 72 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:36,047 I was thinking more big picture. 73 00:03:37,816 --> 00:03:41,819 Okay, I got one. What is the purpose of life? 74 00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:44,589 To strive toward a worthwhile goal. 75 00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:47,559 Aha! I knew it was something with striving. 76 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,527 What goal are you striving for, Po? 77 00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:50,895 Oh! [chuckles] 78 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:54,666 I, uh... Huh. 79 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:57,101 Wow. I don't know. 80 00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:58,436 This is terrible. 81 00:03:58,438 --> 00:04:01,940 I should know my life's purpose, shouldn't I? 82 00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:04,242 Master Yao? 83 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,010 - Master Yao! - Whoo! 84 00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:08,413 I don't know what's happening, but I love it! 85 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,682 [panting] 86 00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,684 [grunts] 87 00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:14,352 Ah! 88 00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:16,220 Watch out! Get out of the way! 89 00:04:16,222 --> 00:04:19,624 Kung fu master coming through! 90 00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:21,693 Still no! 91 00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,294 [whimpering] Huh? 92 00:04:23,296 --> 00:04:26,364 [grunts] 93 00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:27,565 Aah! 94 00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:31,102 [strained grunts] 95 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,438 [sighs] 96 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:37,742 [thuds echoing] 97 00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:39,644 [crash] Ow! 98 00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:42,146 [groans] 99 00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:44,048 Perhaps you and I can discover 100 00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:46,551 your life's purpose together, Po. 101 00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:48,786 Really? That'd be awesome. 102 00:04:50,155 --> 00:04:54,559 Behold! 103 00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:57,528 Yeah, I got some stuff to do. 104 00:05:00,332 --> 00:05:02,934 So close. 105 00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:08,606 Behold! I have perfected the bronze lotus. 106 00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:10,742 - What does it do, you ask? - No. 107 00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:12,977 It can steal knowledge right out of your head. 108 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:16,648 And only I know how to operate it. Pretty cool, huh? 109 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,282 I think we've established me not caring. 110 00:05:18,284 --> 00:05:20,084 [scoffs] 111 00:05:32,431 --> 00:05:37,301 [electricity crackles] [screams] 112 00:05:37,303 --> 00:05:39,270 Ugh! 113 00:05:45,377 --> 00:05:46,978 There. Eat the cookie. 114 00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:49,647 - What kind of... - Eat the cookie! 115 00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:52,116 [sighs] 116 00:05:53,485 --> 00:05:57,055 Ahh! 117 00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:59,657 Whoa. I... 118 00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:01,826 I totally know how to operate that machine. 119 00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:04,396 And I don't. You see, it sucked the knowledge 120 00:06:04,397 --> 00:06:09,000 of how the controls work from my head and turned it into a cookie. 121 00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:12,837 You ate the cookie and now you have that knowledge. 122 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:15,573 - Not lame. - I know, right? 123 00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:17,875 We can make a fortune with this thing! 124 00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:19,877 - You think? - Hello! 125 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:23,381 The parade? Master Yao? The five great mystic secrets? 126 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:26,651 - There were posters everywhere. - I don't get out much. 127 00:06:26,653 --> 00:06:28,986 We'll steal his secrets and auction them off 128 00:06:28,988 --> 00:06:31,189 to your lame super-villain friends. 129 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:34,392 I'd prefer to think of them as "colleagues in evil." 130 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,094 Fine, let's just fire up your latest 131 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:39,263 lame battle machine and get going. 132 00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:41,532 It's nice that you're finally taking an interest 133 00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:45,603 - in my work, son. - Whatever. 134 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:48,539 ? 46 pots of tea on the wall ? 135 00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:50,374 ? 46 pots of tea ? 136 00:06:50,376 --> 00:06:54,178 Po, remember when I asked you what your goal in life is? 137 00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:57,215 Um, still thinking on that... a lot. 138 00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:59,784 I may be able to suggest one to you. 139 00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:03,688 You see, there's a reason I asked for you alone to accompany me. 140 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:06,691 Shifu finally creeping you out? 141 00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:11,896 I wanted to ask if you'd consider being... my successor. 142 00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:12,797 Ah! 143 00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:14,432 What? 144 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,234 I can't live forever. 145 00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,069 Someone will have to learn my secrets 146 00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:21,038 and remember them for future generations. 147 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:24,976 - You really think that I could do that? - Of course! [chuckles] 148 00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:27,044 And since your head isn't cluttered 149 00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:30,047 with lots of thought, you've got plenty of room in there. 150 00:07:30,049 --> 00:07:32,483 [gasps] So much room! 151 00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:36,621 Wow, this is just... Wow. 152 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,656 You would know all the great secrets, 153 00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:43,795 but you would have to meditate on them in solitude. 154 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,831 So I'd know them all, but I wouldn't be able to use them? 155 00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,967 Precisely. I know it's a big decision. 156 00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:53,571 Yeah, it is. 157 00:07:56,241 --> 00:07:59,110 Maybe you should get back in your box while I think it over. 158 00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:01,979 - Remember what Shifu said. - Trust me, Po. 159 00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,582 Nothing terrible is going to happen, 160 00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:06,984 except maybe that angry warthog 161 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:10,521 that's about to arrive in a giant metal octopus. 162 00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:14,792 Ah! 163 00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:17,895 [laughs] 164 00:08:24,803 --> 00:08:26,938 Aah! 165 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:30,808 [laughs] 166 00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:35,413 [grunts] 167 00:08:37,616 --> 00:08:38,883 [groans] 168 00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:40,885 Ooh! A fight! I love it! 169 00:08:50,212 --> 00:08:52,480 Whoa! [screams] 170 00:08:52,482 --> 00:08:54,449 - You missed him! - I missed him? 171 00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,384 Do you even know how to drive this thing? 172 00:08:56,386 --> 00:08:58,586 I'm trying, but the panda won't let me. 173 00:08:58,588 --> 00:09:02,557 Sure, blame him for your lameness. 174 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:03,925 Hmm-hmm. [grunts] 175 00:09:03,927 --> 00:09:06,528 Whoa! [humming] 176 00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,331 - Ah! - Hold it steady. 177 00:09:09,533 --> 00:09:12,133 One man's steady is another man's freaking out. 178 00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:15,403 - I'm trying. - There is no try, there is only... 179 00:09:15,405 --> 00:09:17,806 Both: Can it! 180 00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:19,507 [electricity crackles] Whoo! [laughs] 181 00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:24,279 One, two, three, four... I got all five. 182 00:09:24,281 --> 00:09:25,880 Let's go! [grunts] 183 00:09:25,882 --> 00:09:27,315 Just a minute. 184 00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:28,917 Oh! Whoa! 185 00:09:28,919 --> 00:09:30,718 Oomph! 186 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:33,221 [Taotie laughs] 187 00:09:33,223 --> 00:09:35,290 Bian Zao: Ugh, what are you even laughing at anyway? 188 00:09:35,292 --> 00:09:37,992 [branch cracking] Huh? 189 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:40,962 Whoa! Ow! 190 00:09:40,964 --> 00:09:42,230 Hmm. 191 00:09:42,232 --> 00:09:44,766 You know such amazing secret kung fu stuff. 192 00:09:44,768 --> 00:09:46,601 Why didn't you do anything? 193 00:09:46,603 --> 00:09:50,305 I was trying to decide if this pebble is interesting. 194 00:09:50,307 --> 00:09:52,407 - Well? - Meh. 195 00:09:52,409 --> 00:09:55,577 Then could, you know, you stop them? 196 00:09:55,579 --> 00:09:59,013 Use that, uh, brainy-thinky "spleen punch" thing, maybe? 197 00:10:01,450 --> 00:10:03,184 Oh, all right. 198 00:10:05,254 --> 00:10:09,858 Hmm. 199 00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:12,193 I-I-I can't remember it! 200 00:10:12,195 --> 00:10:14,195 The Yangtze spleen punch! 201 00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:16,931 I-I can't remember the secret up here. 202 00:10:16,933 --> 00:10:19,334 [gasps] The five mystic secrets! 203 00:10:19,336 --> 00:10:22,370 I've forgotten them all! I don't love it! 204 00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:24,172 Whoa... settle down. 205 00:10:24,174 --> 00:10:27,809 For 65 years, my whole reason for existing 206 00:10:27,811 --> 00:10:31,379 has been to sit and ponder the world's greatest secrets! 207 00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:34,949 And now I've forgotten the five most powerful ones! 208 00:10:34,951 --> 00:10:37,852 Do you realize what this means? 209 00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:40,989 [gasps] I have no purpose! 210 00:10:40,991 --> 00:10:46,227 [sobs] 211 00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:49,864 Wait, Bian Zao said, "I got all five." 212 00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:52,901 [gasps] They stole your secrets! 213 00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:55,203 We gotta figure out how we're gonna price these babies. 214 00:10:55,205 --> 00:10:59,173 Okay, the five great mystic secrets are... 215 00:10:59,175 --> 00:11:01,309 the iron heart, 216 00:11:01,311 --> 00:11:05,146 which multiplies your strength a thousandfold. 217 00:11:08,017 --> 00:11:13,488 The clap of stillness will freeze every nearby object in place. 218 00:11:13,490 --> 00:11:17,692 Jin Tian's tempest enables you to shoot lightning bolts. 219 00:11:17,694 --> 00:11:20,562 The Yangtze spleen punch... 220 00:11:20,564 --> 00:11:21,914 let's you knock out anyone 221 00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:25,233 within a hundred-yard radius with your mind. 222 00:11:25,235 --> 00:11:28,937 And the wings of light gives you the ability to fly. 223 00:11:32,675 --> 00:11:35,109 These secrets are incredible! 224 00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,879 Once we auction them off, you know how rich we're gonna be? 225 00:11:37,881 --> 00:11:41,685 - Uh, filthy? - Most definitely. 226 00:11:43,987 --> 00:11:46,554 Stop right there! 227 00:11:46,556 --> 00:11:49,524 Now? But we were actually connecting. 228 00:11:49,526 --> 00:11:51,192 Uh, sorry? 229 00:11:51,194 --> 00:11:53,528 Eh, forget it. The moment's passed. 230 00:11:53,530 --> 00:11:55,063 [lever clicks] 231 00:11:55,065 --> 00:11:56,366 Ah! 232 00:11:57,968 --> 00:11:59,867 [grunts] 233 00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:03,538 Ah! Ah! 234 00:12:03,540 --> 00:12:06,808 Master Yao! I could use some help! 235 00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,410 [sighs] Why bother? 236 00:12:09,412 --> 00:12:11,512 Whoo! Ah! 237 00:12:13,282 --> 00:12:14,549 Ah! 238 00:12:14,551 --> 00:12:16,451 Maybe you forgot a few secrets, 239 00:12:16,453 --> 00:12:21,331 but you're still a kung fu master! Now come on! 240 00:12:27,796 --> 00:12:30,598 No. Too depressed. 241 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,967 But, master... ah! 242 00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:36,638 [grunting] 243 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:38,473 Watch out! 244 00:12:38,475 --> 00:12:41,175 [both shouting] Ow! 245 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,578 [grunts] 246 00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:48,950 You saved me. Neat. 247 00:12:48,952 --> 00:12:52,086 Don't get so excited about... Aah! 248 00:12:52,088 --> 00:12:55,590 Hey! You almost crushed my lucky head. 249 00:12:55,592 --> 00:12:57,825 It's on. 250 00:13:01,330 --> 00:13:06,901 [slow motion yell] 251 00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:10,538 No! Ooh! 252 00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:13,241 [screaming] 253 00:13:15,444 --> 00:13:17,512 [both grunt] 254 00:13:20,149 --> 00:13:21,883 [gulps] 255 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:27,055 All right, Taotie... 256 00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:29,891 [screams] 257 00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:31,959 Aah! He's all strong! 258 00:13:31,961 --> 00:13:34,529 The secrets are in the cookies! 259 00:13:34,531 --> 00:13:36,564 [chomping, gulps] 260 00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:39,367 I accidentally ate the mystic secret of the iron heart. 261 00:13:39,369 --> 00:13:40,568 Blegh! 262 00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:43,071 It tasted all... kung fu-ey. 263 00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:45,573 That was awesome. 264 00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:48,476 No, it wasn't. Haven't you been listening to me? 265 00:13:48,478 --> 00:13:51,312 - Of course not. - I've dedicated my life 266 00:13:51,314 --> 00:13:53,548 to proving that machines are better than muscles. 267 00:13:53,550 --> 00:13:57,085 Being this strong is just distasteful! 268 00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:58,886 [grunts] Yah! 269 00:13:58,888 --> 00:14:00,655 [screaming] 270 00:14:00,657 --> 00:14:03,465 Of course, I'm nothing if not adaptable. 271 00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:05,927 [grunts] 272 00:14:05,929 --> 00:14:09,163 Let's get to that auction. 273 00:14:09,165 --> 00:14:10,898 Hmm. 274 00:14:14,002 --> 00:14:16,771 [sighs] Well, that's it. We failed. 275 00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:19,607 Nothing to do now but plummet to our doom. 276 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:23,578 Yeah... not so much into the plummeting. 277 00:14:23,580 --> 00:14:26,280 [sighs] You're so closed-minded. 278 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:29,450 I'm gonna get your secrets back, Master Yao, 279 00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:31,419 so you can have your purposey life. 280 00:14:31,421 --> 00:14:34,021 But first, we gotta get out of this mess. 281 00:14:34,023 --> 00:14:35,423 What do you say? 282 00:14:35,425 --> 00:14:39,427 - [sighs] Sure. How? - I don't know! 283 00:14:39,429 --> 00:14:41,229 I was counting on you to think of something. 284 00:14:41,231 --> 00:14:43,364 Aah! Kind of soon. 285 00:14:43,366 --> 00:14:45,900 I have an idea that may or may not work, 286 00:14:45,902 --> 00:14:47,902 but you probably won't like it. 287 00:14:47,904 --> 00:14:49,470 Sort of out of other options here. 288 00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:53,741 Okay. Hunan butt kick. 289 00:14:53,743 --> 00:14:58,312 [screams] 290 00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,747 [thud] 291 00:14:59,749 --> 00:15:02,483 [in pain] See? You were right. I didn't like it. 292 00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,688 Yao: Woop-de-dingle-doo. 293 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:10,158 Get this mystic secret out of... oh! 294 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,393 [grunts] 295 00:15:12,395 --> 00:15:15,163 Ugh. 296 00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:18,332 - That was awesome. - How well my device works? 297 00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:21,602 How much it hurts you. Okay, we're all set for the auction. 298 00:15:21,604 --> 00:15:23,671 Stop right there. [sighs] 299 00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:25,740 You, like, just said that. 300 00:15:25,742 --> 00:15:29,644 How could you possibly have found us? 301 00:15:29,646 --> 00:15:31,445 [bamboo squeaks, snaps] 302 00:15:31,447 --> 00:15:33,014 Oh. 303 00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:35,449 I would like my secrets back now. 304 00:15:35,451 --> 00:15:38,352 You heard the master. Now hand them over before... 305 00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:40,955 - Oh! - Hey! 306 00:15:40,957 --> 00:15:44,458 Temutai! Hundun! Fung! 307 00:15:44,460 --> 00:15:48,763 - And, uh... - [sighs] Gah-Ri. 308 00:15:48,765 --> 00:15:51,599 Sorry. [chuckles] It's been a day. 309 00:15:51,601 --> 00:15:54,101 Well, I'm afraid there aren't enough cookies for every... 310 00:15:54,103 --> 00:15:55,303 [grunts] 311 00:15:55,305 --> 00:15:58,039 We get to bid on the five great mystic secrets 312 00:15:58,041 --> 00:16:01,676 and smash the Dragon Warrior and Master Yao to furry pulps? 313 00:16:01,678 --> 00:16:03,678 It is good to be alive! 314 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:10,852 Ready to fight our way out of this? 315 00:16:10,854 --> 00:16:16,157 You go ahead. Without my secrets, I'm useless. 316 00:16:16,159 --> 00:16:18,226 Yah! Rah! 317 00:16:20,629 --> 00:16:21,996 Dragon Warrior! 318 00:16:21,998 --> 00:16:24,398 I will crush you with the smashing crush 319 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,134 of a thousand painful smash-pains! 320 00:16:27,136 --> 00:16:28,870 "Smash-pains"? 321 00:16:28,872 --> 00:16:30,404 You know, it's like you're not even trying anymore. 322 00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,206 Mmm. Rah! 323 00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:35,038 - Screaming phoenix flip! - Ugh! 324 00:16:36,445 --> 00:16:40,347 [grunts] 325 00:16:43,277 --> 00:16:45,252 Whaaa! 326 00:16:46,888 --> 00:16:49,557 You're pretty good for an old goat who lives in a box. 327 00:16:49,559 --> 00:16:52,560 I am unworthy of the gift of existence. 328 00:16:52,562 --> 00:16:54,862 Whoa! You're kind of a bummer, guy. 329 00:16:57,599 --> 00:16:58,933 Hiyah! 330 00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:00,401 [grunts] 331 00:17:00,403 --> 00:17:02,336 Master Yao! [grunts] 332 00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:09,577 [groans] 333 00:17:09,579 --> 00:17:11,078 [gasps] 334 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,047 [strained grunts] 335 00:17:13,049 --> 00:17:16,884 This first cookie contains the wings of light. 336 00:17:16,886 --> 00:17:20,788 How much will you bid for the ability to fly like a bird 337 00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:23,390 but without those tedious hollow bones? 338 00:17:23,392 --> 00:17:25,059 - 3 yuan. - 5,000 yuan! 339 00:17:25,061 --> 00:17:27,850 6,000 yuan! 340 00:17:27,897 --> 00:17:30,231 4 yuan. 341 00:17:30,233 --> 00:17:32,900 Or is it... wait. How does this work again? 342 00:17:32,902 --> 00:17:34,902 Master Yao, are you okay? 343 00:17:34,904 --> 00:17:36,604 [sighs] As okay as anyone 344 00:17:36,606 --> 00:17:39,673 who has spectacularly failed at their life's work. 345 00:17:39,675 --> 00:17:42,309 You haven't failed. You just need a little help. 346 00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:44,745 From who? Who will help me? 347 00:17:44,747 --> 00:17:46,747 Me. If there's two things I know, 348 00:17:46,749 --> 00:17:49,583 it's how to help folks and how to get cookies. 349 00:17:49,585 --> 00:17:51,519 We're chained to these poles. 350 00:17:51,521 --> 00:17:55,489 How can you possibly reach them? 351 00:17:57,792 --> 00:17:59,960 - Hunan butt kick! - Whoa-ho! 352 00:17:59,962 --> 00:18:01,695 20,000 yuan! 353 00:18:01,697 --> 00:18:02,863 Both: Hmm. 354 00:18:02,865 --> 00:18:04,165 [grunts] 355 00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:07,201 Can I just buy, like, a bite of cookie? 356 00:18:07,203 --> 00:18:09,136 You know, not like, you know... 357 00:18:09,138 --> 00:18:11,539 I don't need to fly around or anything like that. 358 00:18:11,541 --> 00:18:13,541 I just wanna jump good. 359 00:18:13,543 --> 00:18:15,776 [gasps] 360 00:18:15,778 --> 00:18:17,011 Aah! 361 00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:20,481 [grunts] 362 00:18:20,483 --> 00:18:24,251 [all grunting] 363 00:18:26,955 --> 00:18:29,156 Ah-ah-ah-ah! 364 00:18:29,158 --> 00:18:31,458 [strained grunts] 365 00:18:31,460 --> 00:18:32,726 Yaah! 366 00:18:32,728 --> 00:18:34,461 Ha! 367 00:18:40,235 --> 00:18:43,304 No! Po! The secrets are too powerful! 368 00:18:43,306 --> 00:18:46,473 - You're not ready! - Ready as I'll ever be. 369 00:18:46,475 --> 00:18:48,776 [all chomping, gulping] 370 00:18:54,983 --> 00:18:58,485 [large belch] 371 00:18:58,487 --> 00:19:00,321 - I could smell that one. - Get him! 372 00:19:00,323 --> 00:19:02,423 Wings of light! 373 00:19:02,425 --> 00:19:06,360 [all grunting] 374 00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:09,797 Oh, my gosh! This is so awesome! 375 00:19:11,366 --> 00:19:15,269 Jin Tian's tempest! Aah! 376 00:19:15,271 --> 00:19:16,870 Ah! Aah! 377 00:19:16,872 --> 00:19:18,372 Hmm. Oh! 378 00:19:18,373 --> 00:19:19,873 [screams] 379 00:19:19,875 --> 00:19:21,408 Wow. 380 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,043 Gah! Get out of the way, Gary! 381 00:19:23,045 --> 00:19:24,845 I'm trying to use the spleen punch. 382 00:19:27,048 --> 00:19:28,882 [humming, chuckles] 383 00:19:28,884 --> 00:19:30,851 [grunts] 384 00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:35,723 Like the strength of a thousand rhinos 385 00:19:35,725 --> 00:19:39,193 multiplying my strength by a thousand rhinos! 386 00:19:39,195 --> 00:19:41,328 [grunts] Aah! 387 00:19:44,566 --> 00:19:46,734 [screams] 388 00:19:46,736 --> 00:19:49,870 [panting] 389 00:19:49,872 --> 00:19:52,973 [grunts] Ugh! 390 00:19:52,975 --> 00:19:55,809 [all groaning] 391 00:19:55,811 --> 00:20:00,447 Did you see that? Did you totally see that? 392 00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:02,449 These mystic secrets are... I... 393 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,385 I don't even have a word for it! 394 00:20:04,387 --> 00:20:06,453 Bodaciawesome! 395 00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,822 Thank you for helping me, Po. 396 00:20:08,824 --> 00:20:11,659 I think we've discovered your life's purpose. 397 00:20:11,661 --> 00:20:15,829 To possess the mystic secrets and succeed me, yes? 398 00:20:18,066 --> 00:20:21,902 No, but by helping you, I did learn what it is. 399 00:20:21,904 --> 00:20:24,505 My life's purpose is to help those that need help 400 00:20:24,507 --> 00:20:27,007 and kick some bad guy tushie in the process, 401 00:20:27,009 --> 00:20:31,344 and I can't do that from inside a box. 402 00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:34,581 You are very wise, Po. 403 00:20:34,583 --> 00:20:37,618 And in this case, wiser than even I am. 404 00:20:37,620 --> 00:20:39,953 Oh, I don't know about that. [chuckles] 405 00:20:39,955 --> 00:20:41,789 What do you think, Bian Zao? 406 00:20:41,791 --> 00:20:45,426 Nowhere... is where I was going. 407 00:20:45,428 --> 00:20:47,528 I need you to use your machine 408 00:20:47,530 --> 00:20:49,830 and give Master Yao back his secrets. 409 00:20:49,832 --> 00:20:51,999 And why should I... [grunts] 410 00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:55,836 [screams] 411 00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:57,638 Aah! I'll do it! I'll do it! 412 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,607 [muttering incoherently] 413 00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:08,382 [groans] Just gotta... whew! 414 00:21:08,384 --> 00:21:11,151 We're here! 415 00:21:11,153 --> 00:21:13,320 Wait. Where's the other master? 416 00:21:13,322 --> 00:21:16,357 I'm looking at him. 417 00:21:19,994 --> 00:21:21,628 Wait. What? 418 00:21:21,630 --> 00:21:24,031 You set this whole thing up just so I could realize 419 00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,699 what my goal in life is? 420 00:21:25,701 --> 00:21:29,870 Well, let's just say "yes." Otherwise I kind of look like a yutz. 421 00:21:29,872 --> 00:21:32,240 Fair enough. 422 00:21:33,242 --> 00:21:36,477 I am very grateful to you, Po. 423 00:21:36,479 --> 00:21:39,213 Without you, I never would have gotten 424 00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:41,382 the five great mystic... 425 00:21:41,384 --> 00:21:43,317 [gasps] Wait! 426 00:21:43,319 --> 00:21:45,486 I can only remember four of the secrets! 427 00:21:45,488 --> 00:21:46,720 Four? 428 00:21:46,722 --> 00:21:48,589 But I gave you five cookies, didn't I? 429 00:21:48,591 --> 00:21:50,991 I don't know! It's dark in here! 430 00:21:50,993 --> 00:21:52,526 [electricity crackles] 431 00:21:52,528 --> 00:21:56,296 Definitely... not lame. 432 00:22:00,693 --> 00:22:04,188 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~