1
00:00:05,083 --> 00:00:06,833
It's an emergency!
We have to evacuate!

2
00:00:06,937 --> 00:00:08,336
What?

3
00:00:08,403 --> 00:00:10,471
Hurry! Get your stuff
and meet me downstairs!

4
00:00:10,541 --> 00:00:12,583
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
We're under attack.

5
00:00:12,643 --> 00:00:14,041
We're under attack.

6
00:00:14,109 --> 00:00:16,544
This is what
the disaster kit is for.

7
00:00:16,611 --> 00:00:17,545
Hurry!

8
00:00:17,612 --> 00:00:18,612
Okay! Okay.

9
00:00:18,681 --> 00:00:21,382
The bras, mom. Dad.

10
00:00:21,449 --> 00:00:24,318
I should've bought a drill!

11
00:00:24,385 --> 00:00:25,754
Hurry! Go! Go! Go!

12
00:00:25,821 --> 00:00:27,856
Where is our emergency
rendez-vous point?!

13
00:00:27,922 --> 00:00:29,356
What is the mayor saying?!

14
00:00:29,423 --> 00:00:31,925
Kidding. We're going
to the Hamptons.

15
00:00:31,992 --> 00:00:32,960
What?

16
00:00:33,027 --> 00:00:34,661
Whoo!

17
00:00:34,728 --> 00:00:36,996
? I'm not
perfect, I'm no snitch ?

18
00:00:37,064 --> 00:00:38,665
? but I can tell you ?

19
00:00:38,732 --> 00:00:40,332
? she's a... ?

20
00:00:40,401 --> 00:00:43,036
? ba-da-da-da-da-ba, ba-da-ba ?

21
00:00:43,103 --> 00:00:46,905
? ba-da-da-da-da-ba, ba-da-ba ?

22
00:00:46,973 --> 00:00:48,975
I thought we were under attack.

23
00:00:49,042 --> 00:00:51,143
I flushed my diary
down the toilet.

24
00:00:51,210 --> 00:00:54,213
I know you would've never agreed
to come unless I tricked you.

25
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,215
You haven't even left
the apartment in days.

26
00:00:56,283 --> 00:00:57,850
You've just been waiting
by the phone

27
00:00:57,917 --> 00:01:00,386
For some dumb guy you like
to call you back.

28
00:01:00,453 --> 00:01:02,520
I am waiting to hear back
about a job interview

29
00:01:02,588 --> 00:01:04,156
At Harkin Financial.

30
00:01:04,222 --> 00:01:05,557
The C.E.O. Is in town
from London,

31
00:01:05,623 --> 00:01:07,692
And I'm waiting to hear
if he wants to meet with me.

32
00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:10,460
Well, whoever it is, I hope
you let them touch your boob.

33
00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:14,132
Why are you wrapped in tinfoil?

34
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,301
Chloe, I can't go
to the Hamptons

35
00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:17,835
With you this weekend.

36
00:01:17,902 --> 00:01:19,870
My whole plan was
to stare at my cell phone

37
00:01:19,938 --> 00:01:22,305
And reread old report cards
to calm my nerves.

38
00:01:22,373 --> 00:01:24,640
June, that is the beauty
of cell phones.

39
00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:27,210
You can take them with you
and stare at them anywhere.

40
00:01:27,277 --> 00:01:28,644
James needs us.

41
00:01:28,713 --> 00:01:30,081
He's so depressed

42
00:01:30,147 --> 00:01:31,682
From his flameout
on "Dancing with the Stars,"

43
00:01:31,750 --> 00:01:33,849
Not to mention being the butt
of every Jimmy Kimmel joke.

44
00:01:33,918 --> 00:01:36,451
So we are taking him
on a weekend bender.

45
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:37,887
I've never seen him like this.

46
00:01:37,954 --> 00:01:39,655
He stopped googling himself.

47
00:01:39,723 --> 00:01:41,890
Well, I guess I could go.

48
00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:44,159
I'll have my cell phone with me
the whole time,

49
00:01:44,228 --> 00:01:46,662
And if I need to come back,
it's only a 2-hour drive.

50
00:01:46,730 --> 00:01:48,230
Give or take.

51
00:01:48,298 --> 00:01:50,064
Depending on whether or not
Billy Joel's ass is on the road.

52
00:01:50,133 --> 00:01:53,301
I've always wanted to go to
a real life Hamptons lighthouse,

53
00:01:53,368 --> 00:01:54,802
In rainy weather,

54
00:01:54,871 --> 00:01:56,670
In a fisherman's sweater,

55
00:01:56,740 --> 00:01:57,740
On a bike,

56
00:01:57,807 --> 00:02:00,542
With a sandwich
and my thoughts.

57
00:02:01,944 --> 00:02:03,846
I almost just hit you.

58
00:02:03,912 --> 00:02:05,948
I almost just lost control
and hit you.

59
00:02:06,015 --> 00:02:08,849
Okay, so it's settled.
We'll get drunk on the drive up,

60
00:02:08,917 --> 00:02:11,151
And then we'll stay at our
crazy friend Katarina's house

61
00:02:11,219 --> 00:02:12,919
And then we'll hit
the Willoughby party.

62
00:02:12,987 --> 00:02:14,021
The what?

63
00:02:14,088 --> 00:02:15,257
The Willoughby party.

64
00:02:15,324 --> 00:02:16,790
It's the best party
of the year.

65
00:02:16,859 --> 00:02:18,592
It's hosted by this mysterious
guy named Willoughby.

66
00:02:18,661 --> 00:02:21,829
I've never actually met him,
but his parties are beyond.

67
00:02:21,896 --> 00:02:24,531
? never, never, never ?

68
00:02:24,598 --> 00:02:26,332
? am sorry for partying ?

69
00:02:26,401 --> 00:02:29,034
? I want to party
but I won't say that ?

70
00:02:29,103 --> 00:02:31,237
? baby, I'm never,
I'm never, I'm never ?

71
00:02:31,306 --> 00:02:32,973
Whoo!

72
00:02:33,039 --> 00:02:36,676
This is the year
I'm gonna meet Willoughby...

73
00:02:36,745 --> 00:02:38,944
Well, it's always nice
to meet the host.

74
00:02:39,012 --> 00:02:40,612
And have sex with him.

75
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:41,680
Of course.

76
00:02:41,748 --> 00:02:43,215
Yeah, you know, this year,

77
00:02:43,283 --> 00:02:45,050
I was thinking, I really want
to do something special,

78
00:02:45,117 --> 00:02:46,985
You know,
something that matters.

79
00:02:49,188 --> 00:02:51,356
James is about to come down.

80
00:02:51,425 --> 00:02:54,425
Don't treat him any differently,
but don't look directly at him.

81
00:02:54,493 --> 00:02:57,861
Compliment his outfit,
but not too much, or he'll know.

82
00:03:04,537 --> 00:03:07,205
They hate my hat.

83
00:03:07,272 --> 00:03:11,908
That hat was given to you
by Mr. Jason Mraz.

84
00:03:11,975 --> 00:03:14,377
Let them hate it.
They lose.

85
00:03:16,381 --> 00:03:17,314
He knew.

86
00:03:19,584 --> 00:03:22,353
? I got my love
right now ?

87
00:03:22,420 --> 00:03:24,987
? put your hands in the sky
right now ?

88
00:03:25,056 --> 00:03:28,123
Weekend bender! Whoo!

89
00:03:28,192 --> 00:03:30,193
So where'd you get this car?

90
00:03:30,259 --> 00:03:32,027
My cousin edgar has
a limo business,

91
00:03:32,094 --> 00:03:33,729
And this is one
of his party S.U.V.S.

92
00:03:33,798 --> 00:03:35,131
I borrowed it

93
00:03:35,199 --> 00:03:37,700
So that chloe would let me
come to the Hamptons.

94
00:03:37,768 --> 00:03:40,203
oh, my gosh! It's from a 2-1-2
number that I don't recognize.

95
00:03:40,270 --> 00:03:42,471
It's probably about
my job interview.

96
00:03:42,538 --> 00:03:44,473
Hello.
This is June Colbern.

97
00:03:44,540 --> 00:03:46,040
Scrotum!

98
00:03:46,108 --> 00:03:47,710
funny, right?

99
00:03:47,776 --> 00:03:49,444
That's an important call.

100
00:03:49,512 --> 00:03:52,381
Sorry. That was from
a very immature passerby.

101
00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:53,549
Whoo-hoo!

102
00:03:53,615 --> 00:03:57,284
Oh, hello, Debbie
from Dr. Curtis' office.

103
00:03:57,353 --> 00:03:59,887
Another 64-calorie,
low carb beer.

104
00:04:01,323 --> 00:04:03,824
That's what my blinker's for,
dumb-ass!

105
00:04:05,126 --> 00:04:08,795
Whoo! Yahoo!
Weekend bender!

106
00:04:08,864 --> 00:04:10,598
bye, goats.

107
00:04:10,665 --> 00:04:12,766
Did you guys see me
milk that goat?

108
00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:14,300
June, this is supposed to be
a party drive.

109
00:04:14,368 --> 00:04:15,868
When you said you wanted
to milk a goat,

110
00:04:15,936 --> 00:04:17,403
I thought you had to pee.

111
00:04:17,471 --> 00:04:18,937
If I'm gonna do the Hamptons,

112
00:04:19,005 --> 00:04:20,774
I am going to do
the Hamptons right.

113
00:04:20,841 --> 00:04:22,675
I made a list of everything
I want to see and sample

114
00:04:22,744 --> 00:04:24,177
While we're here.

115
00:04:24,245 --> 00:04:26,045
You're not supposed to have
a list on a bender.

116
00:04:26,112 --> 00:04:27,713
You're supposed to go
where the moment takes you.

117
00:04:27,781 --> 00:04:29,850
Now if "Little House
on the Prairie" is done,

118
00:04:29,917 --> 00:04:31,949
We can get on with it.
Bender.

119
00:04:32,018 --> 00:04:33,117
? yeah, yeah,
I know I'm pretty ?

120
00:04:33,185 --> 00:04:34,387
? you can tell by my ?

121
00:04:34,454 --> 00:04:36,422
great peaches.

122
00:04:36,490 --> 00:04:38,391
That farmer says
that the barefoot contessa

123
00:04:38,457 --> 00:04:39,992
Shops there
every other Tuesday.

124
00:04:40,058 --> 00:04:42,894
when I tell Katarina
why we're late,

125
00:04:42,961 --> 00:04:45,898
You just wait, ho.
You just wait.

126
00:04:45,965 --> 00:04:48,566
I need another beer.

127
00:04:50,334 --> 00:04:52,069
? I guess
I'm picky with love ?

128
00:04:57,509 --> 00:04:59,677
excuse me, miss.

129
00:04:59,745 --> 00:05:01,579
Is this my house?

130
00:05:04,749 --> 00:05:08,285
It's "Dancing with the Stars"
post-traumatic stress disorder.

131
00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:12,187
D.W.T.S.P.T.S.D.

132
00:05:18,095 --> 00:05:20,329
Well, June, you ruined
the drive up here

133
00:05:20,396 --> 00:05:22,331
With your stupid fruit
and vegetable parade,

134
00:05:22,399 --> 00:05:23,966
But now the bender
really begins.

135
00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:26,769
What we need is
a dose of crazy Katarina!

136
00:05:26,836 --> 00:05:28,737
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

137
00:05:28,805 --> 00:05:30,639
Ha! Ha!

138
00:05:30,706 --> 00:05:33,975
Bitch!
Come on out, you bitch!

139
00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:36,209
oh, thank god you're here.

140
00:05:36,292 --> 00:05:38,793
Take one.
This one's ass exploded.

141
00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:41,750
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

142
00:05:41,817 --> 00:05:44,151
Aah! Aah!

143
00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:45,319
Aah!

144
00:05:45,750 --> 00:05:46,543
+

145
00:05:51,667 --> 00:05:52,709
There will be
no Willoughby party

146
00:05:52,779 --> 00:05:54,480
For me this year, you guys.

147
00:05:54,547 --> 00:05:56,781
I'm still dealing
with my two...

148
00:05:56,838 --> 00:05:58,590
Souvenirs...
shh!

149
00:05:58,651 --> 00:06:00,317
From last year's naked party.

150
00:06:00,375 --> 00:06:02,375
Well, if I had known,
I wouldn't have stayed here.

151
00:06:02,454 --> 00:06:05,490
When you said you had new twins,
I thought you meant a boob job.

152
00:06:05,557 --> 00:06:08,994
I need adult interaction.
I haven't showered in four days.

153
00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:10,560
I'm a milk monster.

154
00:06:10,629 --> 00:06:12,096
Look at my roots!

155
00:06:13,264 --> 00:06:14,764
No! The babies!

156
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,867
Oh. Ooh.
It's a private caller.

157
00:06:17,935 --> 00:06:19,670
Oh.
This might be it. Hello?

158
00:06:19,737 --> 00:06:21,404
Scrotum!

159
00:06:21,471 --> 00:06:23,973
Oh. Hi, aunt Nancy.

160
00:06:24,042 --> 00:06:26,944
You know, you really should stop
calling from a blocked number.

161
00:06:28,913 --> 00:06:31,213
Do we go in
or do we just wait out here?

162
00:06:31,281 --> 00:06:32,915
What's the étiquette?

163
00:06:32,983 --> 00:06:35,550
I love rocking chairs.

164
00:06:35,619 --> 00:06:37,620
I have two in my apartment...

165
00:06:37,687 --> 00:06:39,422
One in the living room

166
00:06:39,488 --> 00:06:41,824
And one in the bathroom.

167
00:06:41,891 --> 00:06:44,893
You wouldn't think it would
get much use in there,

168
00:06:44,961 --> 00:06:46,461
But it does.

169
00:06:46,528 --> 00:06:49,531
Mm.

170
00:06:49,598 --> 00:06:51,165
It smells like poo
in this house.

171
00:06:51,233 --> 00:06:52,466
Well, why don't
we just yell "cut"

172
00:06:52,534 --> 00:06:54,369
And have them
take the babies away? Cut.

173
00:06:54,437 --> 00:06:56,571
Katarina, would you mind
if I borrowed your bicycle?

174
00:06:56,639 --> 00:06:58,273
I'd love to go bird-watching.

175
00:06:58,341 --> 00:07:00,007
Help yourself...

176
00:07:00,076 --> 00:07:02,642
To the bike and anything else
I used to enjoy.

177
00:07:02,711 --> 00:07:04,345
Yeah! Bender!

178
00:07:04,411 --> 00:07:05,646
no!

179
00:07:10,819 --> 00:07:13,353
Okay. So you're going to need
this map,

180
00:07:13,420 --> 00:07:16,023
Binoculars, a whistle,

181
00:07:16,091 --> 00:07:18,725
Sunscreen,
a mosquito netting...

182
00:07:18,792 --> 00:07:21,261
I don't need mosquito netting.
I'm just going bird-watching.

183
00:07:21,329 --> 00:07:23,396
Ah. Okay. Um...

184
00:07:23,463 --> 00:07:24,797
West Nile.

185
00:07:24,865 --> 00:07:26,065
What?

186
00:07:26,132 --> 00:07:29,302
Oh, nothing. Just asking
if you want to die.

187
00:07:29,370 --> 00:07:30,903
June?

188
00:07:30,971 --> 00:07:33,872
Mark! Hey!
What are you doing here?

189
00:07:33,939 --> 00:07:35,639
Jennifer wanted a romantic
weekend in the Hamptons

190
00:07:35,707 --> 00:07:37,576
So we borrowed
her parents' house.

191
00:07:37,643 --> 00:07:40,379
We're sleeping in their bed.
It's not weird at all.

192
00:07:40,446 --> 00:07:42,447
Oh.
What are you doing here?

193
00:07:42,514 --> 00:07:43,814
Aren't you waiting
to hear about that job?

194
00:07:43,884 --> 00:07:46,851
Oh, yeah, well, I have
my phone with me, so...

195
00:07:48,553 --> 00:07:49,920
Oh. I better hurry.

196
00:07:49,954 --> 00:07:51,755
Jennifer doesn't like
when I shop mom and pop.

197
00:07:51,822 --> 00:07:53,691
She thinks the food gets dusty.

198
00:07:53,759 --> 00:07:55,225
So see ya.

199
00:07:55,293 --> 00:07:57,028
Okay.

200
00:08:04,636 --> 00:08:05,869
Great capris.

201
00:08:05,937 --> 00:08:08,305
Excuse... Me?

202
00:08:08,372 --> 00:08:10,106
Look at me... a bow tie.

203
00:08:10,173 --> 00:08:11,708
I'm full of regret
and self-loathing,

204
00:08:11,776 --> 00:08:14,278
But you, you're so bold.

205
00:08:14,345 --> 00:08:16,045
You're ahead of the curve.

206
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,048
Or I'm just wearing pajamas
and a sweater that I borrowed.

207
00:08:19,117 --> 00:08:21,082
Presto. Instant success.

208
00:08:21,151 --> 00:08:24,252
Willoughby,
currently of East Hampton.

209
00:08:26,223 --> 00:08:28,356
Wait. You're
willoughby the party guy?

210
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,625
You're judging me,
and it stings,

211
00:08:30,692 --> 00:08:32,227
So keep doing it.

212
00:08:32,296 --> 00:08:35,130
This is a riddle invitation
for my party tonight.

213
00:08:35,197 --> 00:08:37,633
What do you think of the font?

214
00:08:37,667 --> 00:08:39,434
You would've picked
a different one.

215
00:08:39,501 --> 00:08:40,869
How do you do it?

216
00:08:45,642 --> 00:08:48,409
I guess we're all just one
small hole in the condom away

217
00:08:48,477 --> 00:08:50,745
From having our lives
totally destroyed.

218
00:08:52,981 --> 00:08:56,383
Chloe, I got some pretty serious
soul searching to do.

219
00:08:56,451 --> 00:08:59,419
I think I'm gonna have
to take this bender solo.

220
00:08:59,488 --> 00:09:02,590
You gotta follow the bender.
I understand.

221
00:09:02,658 --> 00:09:06,393
If you need me, I'll be trudging
down a quiet hamptons road...

222
00:09:06,461 --> 00:09:07,861
Alone.

223
00:09:11,532 --> 00:09:12,832
Wake up, bitch.

224
00:09:32,586 --> 00:09:35,687
I just worry about your arches
in those shoes.

225
00:09:41,126 --> 00:09:42,460
perfect.

226
00:09:42,528 --> 00:09:43,995
So I just met Willoughby.

227
00:09:44,062 --> 00:09:45,096
What?

228
00:09:45,163 --> 00:09:47,532
Oh, my god!
A Willoughby riddle.

229
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,634
"on this day occurred
a love massacre,

230
00:09:49,701 --> 00:09:52,003
"when the clock struck
a manic gay actor

231
00:09:52,070 --> 00:09:53,705
Who does not like
to work subtle."

232
00:09:53,772 --> 00:09:55,438
It's his new address
or something.

233
00:09:55,508 --> 00:09:57,640
the Valentine's day
massacre was February 14th.

234
00:09:57,709 --> 00:09:59,042
Everyone knows that.

235
00:09:59,110 --> 00:10:02,144
I'm instantly picturing
a grandfather clock. Oh!

236
00:10:02,212 --> 00:10:04,447
Who is that actor who I thought
was claymation?

237
00:10:04,515 --> 00:10:06,750
Oh! Oh! Oh! Nathan Lane!

238
00:10:06,817 --> 00:10:08,751
Oh.
That's it!
214 grandfather Lane.

239
00:10:08,820 --> 00:10:11,321
That's it. That's the address
of the party. We're so going.

240
00:10:11,389 --> 00:10:13,688
Oh, I'm sorry. I can't.
I have to get up super early.

241
00:10:13,756 --> 00:10:16,091
I'm going to get, uh,
scones at Maude's.

242
00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:18,494
They run out of the blue...

243
00:10:18,562 --> 00:10:20,461
My list!

244
00:10:20,530 --> 00:10:23,832
June, you have to go
where the bender takes you,

245
00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:25,500
And I am telling you,
your bender is

246
00:10:25,568 --> 00:10:27,336
Taking you
to willoughby's party,

247
00:10:27,403 --> 00:10:29,004
Where you will introduce me
to Willoughby,

248
00:10:29,072 --> 00:10:30,838
And I will meet him
and I will bang him.

249
00:10:30,907 --> 00:10:32,440
Well, what if my bender was
taking me

250
00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:34,543
To do a sunset tour
of the cranberry bogs?

251
00:10:34,610 --> 00:10:36,977
Ugh! You are
the worst bender-er ever.

252
00:10:37,046 --> 00:10:38,245
You might as well
have just stayed home

253
00:10:38,312 --> 00:10:40,347
And stared at your phone
on the coffee table.

254
00:10:40,415 --> 00:10:42,149
no one's called
since aunt Nancy.

255
00:10:42,216 --> 00:10:44,351
Exactly. So relax.
Come on.

256
00:10:44,419 --> 00:10:47,086
There is a fabulous party
with our names on it.

257
00:10:47,154 --> 00:10:49,288
I'm sure you could borrow
something to wear of Katarina's.

258
00:10:49,356 --> 00:10:51,759
I know.
Something with a crotch.

259
00:10:51,826 --> 00:10:54,562
Chloe asked me
to look after James.

260
00:10:54,629 --> 00:10:56,495
She deputized me...

261
00:10:57,798 --> 00:11:00,332
With her eyes,
not with her words.

262
00:11:01,936 --> 00:11:04,003
Yeah! Pass me!
Look at you go!

263
00:11:04,071 --> 00:11:07,907
You're an asian-american
driving poorly,

264
00:11:07,975 --> 00:11:12,244
And I'm an african-american
sitting in the back of the bus,

265
00:11:12,312 --> 00:11:13,846
Both chasing

266
00:11:13,913 --> 00:11:15,914
A distant white man.

267
00:11:15,982 --> 00:11:19,551
This is not why my mother
marched on Washington.

268
00:11:19,619 --> 00:11:23,455
Oh, sweet freedom,
where is James?

269
00:11:27,826 --> 00:11:30,327
Coffee guy?
What are you doing here?

270
00:11:30,395 --> 00:11:32,263
What are you doing here?

271
00:11:32,331 --> 00:11:34,331
Well, I heard
a-a high-pitched squeak.

272
00:11:34,399 --> 00:11:35,799
I thought a little girl
was in trouble.

273
00:11:37,335 --> 00:11:39,436
It was my girlfriend Jennifer.

274
00:11:39,504 --> 00:11:42,606
She broke up with me again,
this time for good.

275
00:11:42,673 --> 00:11:44,774
She thought I was gonna
propose to her this weekend,

276
00:11:44,842 --> 00:11:46,711
So she kept looking
for an engagement ring

277
00:11:46,778 --> 00:11:48,011
In everything I handed her.

278
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:50,614
She tore apart a pinecone
with her bare hands.

279
00:11:50,681 --> 00:11:51,981
James!

280
00:11:52,048 --> 00:11:53,149
James!

281
00:11:53,216 --> 00:11:54,517
I see you're on a bender.

282
00:11:54,585 --> 00:11:56,820
I, too, am trying
to drink my pain away.

283
00:11:56,886 --> 00:11:58,587
I thought I wanted to do
the lonely bender,

284
00:11:58,655 --> 00:12:01,423
But the quiet
just makes it worse.

285
00:12:01,491 --> 00:12:02,926
James!

286
00:12:02,994 --> 00:12:05,061
My lonely road
has brought me to you.

287
00:12:05,129 --> 00:12:07,528
I think we're supposed to be
bender buddies.

288
00:12:10,933 --> 00:12:12,735
I have cookies!

289
00:12:14,236 --> 00:12:16,938
Excuse me. Pollen.

290
00:12:17,006 --> 00:12:20,307
? oh ?

291
00:12:20,375 --> 00:12:22,943
God, put that pie away.
What is the matter with you?

292
00:12:23,011 --> 00:12:25,212
It's my host gift.
Every time you try

293
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,682
To slap it out of my hands,
it only makes me grip it harder.

294
00:12:27,750 --> 00:12:29,683
Okay, where's Willoughby?
I want to find him

295
00:12:29,751 --> 00:12:31,219
And sex him
and then have a martini.

296
00:12:31,287 --> 00:12:33,421
Oh, I just had
one of those moments

297
00:12:33,489 --> 00:12:35,056
Where I realize
what a great girl I am.

298
00:12:35,124 --> 00:12:38,025
Wow! This house is amazing!

299
00:12:38,092 --> 00:12:39,559
And I love this dress
of Katarina's.

300
00:12:39,628 --> 00:12:42,863
It's tight, but I get it.
It even has a cool phone pocket.

301
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,898
Oh, my god!
Katarina's pill pocket!

302
00:12:44,966 --> 00:12:46,634
A lot of good times
in that pocket.

303
00:12:46,701 --> 00:12:47,768
A lot of memories.

304
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:50,671
Oh, no. Oh, no.
There's no bars.

305
00:12:50,738 --> 00:12:52,273
There's no signal.

306
00:12:52,340 --> 00:12:54,006
Katarina should've used
that pocket

307
00:12:54,075 --> 00:12:55,408
For some birth control pills.

308
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,710
Ha ha ha ha! That's hilarious!

309
00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:00,346
I'm gonna text her that
right now.

310
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:03,916
Boo.

311
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,116
Willoughby.

312
00:13:05,186 --> 00:13:07,519
'tis I, June.
'tis Willoughby.

313
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:08,988
What are you doing up here?

314
00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:10,522
I actually hate parties.

315
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,323
I just like
to find a dark corner

316
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,993
And watch all the puppets dance
from afar.

317
00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:16,195
Is that a pie?

318
00:13:16,261 --> 00:13:18,996
Oh. Yes!
This is for you.

319
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:20,532
You know how many people
have been to my parties

320
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,667
Over the years?

321
00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:23,934
5,342.

322
00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:25,504
You wanna know how I know that?

323
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:28,239
It's this antique clicker.

324
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:30,106
You know how many people have
ever brought me a pie?

325
00:13:30,174 --> 00:13:31,375
Zero.

326
00:13:31,458 --> 00:13:34,418
Go downstairs
and get us two pastry forks.

327
00:13:34,479 --> 00:13:36,846
I've got something important
I need to say.

328
00:13:40,125 --> 00:13:43,000
Excuse me. Can I have
your attention, please?

329
00:13:43,052 --> 00:13:44,754
excuse me!

330
00:13:44,822 --> 00:13:46,489
excuse me.

331
00:13:46,557 --> 00:13:47,490
zing!

332
00:13:49,326 --> 00:13:52,027
I... am Willoughby!

333
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,417
Bernard, what the hell
are you doing?!

334
00:13:55,498 --> 00:13:56,798
You're not Willoughby!

335
00:13:56,865 --> 00:13:58,500
Chloe, what are
you talking about?

336
00:13:58,567 --> 00:13:59,900
That is Willoughby.

337
00:13:59,959 --> 00:14:03,042
No, that's Bernard, my husband.

338
00:14:04,581 --> 00:14:05,381
+

339
00:14:08,708 --> 00:14:09,918
What do you mean
he's your husband?

340
00:14:09,966 --> 00:14:12,278
I mean he's my husband.
We got married

341
00:14:12,292 --> 00:14:14,333
At a wedding party
when I first moved to New York.

342
00:14:14,942 --> 00:14:18,442
Ha ha! This party is awesome!

343
00:14:18,479 --> 00:14:20,546
People are
getting married upstairs.

344
00:14:20,567 --> 00:14:22,299
We should totally get married.

345
00:14:22,368 --> 00:14:24,436
Oh, my god! I thought
you were gay! Okay!

346
00:14:26,097 --> 00:14:27,865
I met him that night
and I haven't seen him since.

347
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:30,469
Honestly, I thought he was dead.
I saw some news report

348
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,370
About a skinny guy
who got hit by a garbage truck,

349
00:14:32,437 --> 00:14:34,738
And I figured, welp,
I'm a widow now.

350
00:14:34,806 --> 00:14:35,972
Hello, wife.

351
00:14:37,375 --> 00:14:38,775
I still think of you daily.

352
00:14:38,844 --> 00:14:40,309
Bernard, what the hell
are you doing?

353
00:14:40,378 --> 00:14:41,745
You're not Willoughby.

354
00:14:41,812 --> 00:14:44,246
I thought Willoughby was
a cosmopolitan man of mystery.

355
00:14:44,315 --> 00:14:45,414
It's just you?

356
00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:47,183
Exactly. Just me,

357
00:14:47,250 --> 00:14:49,519
Bernard Koppelman,
a former fat teenager

358
00:14:49,586 --> 00:14:51,354
Who still swims
with his t-shirt on.

359
00:14:51,421 --> 00:14:55,524
Thank you, June, for exploding
this prison of my own creation.

360
00:14:55,592 --> 00:14:58,360
I-I have
a-a-a lot of questions,

361
00:14:58,427 --> 00:15:00,596
But right now, I was gonna ask
you, may I borrow your laptop?

362
00:15:00,663 --> 00:15:02,798
I need to access my voicemail
over the internet.

363
00:15:02,866 --> 00:15:05,767
Yeah, I don't have a computer.
They're disgusting.

364
00:15:05,835 --> 00:15:07,602
But I do have a vintage
typewriter collection

365
00:15:07,669 --> 00:15:09,203
In case you want
to compose a sonnet.

366
00:15:13,408 --> 00:15:15,309
Okay.

367
00:15:16,745 --> 00:15:18,547
Oh! You got the sunglasses.
That's a foul.

368
00:15:18,615 --> 00:15:19,748
My bad. I...

369
00:15:19,816 --> 00:15:22,649
Steal.

370
00:15:25,787 --> 00:15:28,523
"Dancing with the Stars" is
haunting me.

371
00:15:28,590 --> 00:15:30,591
You see, I practiced,

372
00:15:30,658 --> 00:15:33,027
I was... I was... I was...

373
00:15:33,094 --> 00:15:35,294
Ready.

374
00:15:35,363 --> 00:15:37,130
I didn't get a chance to do it.

375
00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:38,831
You know what you have?

376
00:15:38,899 --> 00:15:40,900
You have performance
squelchings, brother.

377
00:15:40,967 --> 00:15:44,538
I mean, you're trapped
in a bag with memory cats.

378
00:15:44,605 --> 00:15:46,472
You gotta punch your way
out of it.

379
00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:49,009
I had...

380
00:15:49,076 --> 00:15:51,778
I had a chance to dazzle,
you know?

381
00:15:51,846 --> 00:15:53,480
It got taken away from me.

382
00:15:53,548 --> 00:15:54,846
Who cares, man?

383
00:15:54,914 --> 00:15:57,015
Make your own opportunity,
James.

384
00:15:57,084 --> 00:15:59,585
You want to dance, then dance.

385
00:15:59,653 --> 00:16:02,687
We just gotta find you a floor.

386
00:16:02,755 --> 00:16:03,989
Ow! Dude!

387
00:16:04,057 --> 00:16:05,890
Chloe just texted me
Willoughby's address.

388
00:16:05,958 --> 00:16:07,326
Willoughby has a floor.

389
00:16:07,394 --> 00:16:09,827
Yeah! Yeah!

390
00:16:09,895 --> 00:16:11,429
Whoa!

391
00:16:11,496 --> 00:16:12,496
So close.

392
00:16:12,565 --> 00:16:14,932
So close.

393
00:16:18,471 --> 00:16:20,705
I went up on the roof with
Willoughby

394
00:16:20,773 --> 00:16:22,474
And got a signal.
No messages.

395
00:16:22,542 --> 00:16:24,875
Also, he said that
your marriage wasn't legal.

396
00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:27,110
The priest was some club kid
named Stinklord

397
00:16:27,178 --> 00:16:29,547
Who had a tattoo
of a cross on his neck.

398
00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:33,384
Is everything okay?

399
00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:37,054
Willoughby was one of the last
new experiences I had left,

400
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:39,523
And it turns out I married him
six years ago.

401
00:16:40,926 --> 00:16:43,525
There are no new mountains
to climb, June.

402
00:16:43,595 --> 00:16:45,028
I've seen it all.

403
00:16:46,663 --> 00:16:49,131
except maybe this.

404
00:16:52,202 --> 00:16:56,306
? I guess I'm picky with love ?

405
00:16:56,373 --> 00:16:59,374
? well, baby, I give up,
it's you I choose ?

406
00:17:01,211 --> 00:17:03,879
? and don't keep me waiting ?

407
00:17:03,947 --> 00:17:07,983
? this girl's got things
she needs to do ?

408
00:17:08,050 --> 00:17:10,051
? oh, if I was blind ?

409
00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:12,186
? you'd help me see ?

410
00:17:12,255 --> 00:17:13,288
? help me see ?

411
00:17:13,355 --> 00:17:14,955
Whoo-hoo!

412
00:17:15,023 --> 00:17:17,157
Uhh!
Yeah! You did it, brah!

413
00:17:17,226 --> 00:17:18,626
I did it, brah.

414
00:17:18,693 --> 00:17:20,662
Where's chloe?
Did she see my dance?

415
00:17:20,730 --> 00:17:23,530
Yeah.
She's right over there.

416
00:17:23,598 --> 00:17:24,766
Chloe?

417
00:17:27,903 --> 00:17:29,537
poor thing.

418
00:17:29,605 --> 00:17:31,471
Where does she go from here?

419
00:17:31,538 --> 00:17:33,740
I mean, when the party girl
has been to every party,

420
00:17:33,807 --> 00:17:36,042
What's next for her?

421
00:17:36,111 --> 00:17:38,211
Good lord, June, you're,
like, obsessed with her.

422
00:17:40,213 --> 00:17:42,182
Where is she going?
She shouldn't be alone.

423
00:17:42,250 --> 00:17:43,415
leave her be, June.

424
00:17:43,483 --> 00:17:46,052
No! She needs her friends.

425
00:17:46,121 --> 00:17:48,586
Chloe!

426
00:17:48,655 --> 00:17:49,855
Chloe!

427
00:17:49,923 --> 00:17:52,458
It's okay!

428
00:17:52,541 --> 00:17:54,000
It's okay!

429
00:17:54,060 --> 00:17:57,195
Hi. I'm having sex.
Give me 15 minutes.

430
00:17:58,383 --> 00:17:59,182
+

431
00:18:06,875 --> 00:18:07,959
Hi!

432
00:18:07,990 --> 00:18:09,757
Chloe,
what... what are you doing?

433
00:18:09,825 --> 00:18:11,025
Oh, every year
when I'm in the Hamptons,

434
00:18:11,093 --> 00:18:12,826
I have sex in the bushes
with Lenny Kravitz.

435
00:18:12,875 --> 00:18:14,250
He texted me earlier.

436
00:18:14,328 --> 00:18:15,762
I don't know why
you keep complaining

437
00:18:15,830 --> 00:18:18,265
About your cell phone service,
'cause mine's fine.

438
00:18:18,333 --> 00:18:20,334
So you're okay
with all of this?

439
00:18:20,401 --> 00:18:23,237
Well, when I was having sex
with Lenny, I was thinking,

440
00:18:23,304 --> 00:18:25,071
I've had sex with him
for five years in a row,

441
00:18:25,140 --> 00:18:26,839
And it's still great.

442
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:29,407
Just because I've done it before
doesn't mean it's not awesome.

443
00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:33,012
She's a party girl, June.

444
00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:35,048
We lost a lot of good
party girls along the way.

445
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:36,615
We're not gonna lose this one.

446
00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:38,917
Aah! Don't get all
sentimental on me, James.

447
00:18:38,986 --> 00:18:40,953
Pull yourself together.
You want to show me you care,

448
00:18:41,021 --> 00:18:42,554
Buy me an island.

449
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,656
What's that noise?

450
00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:46,924
oh, that is
a voicemail noise.

451
00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:49,259
That is a voicemail noise.

452
00:18:49,326 --> 00:18:50,961
Oh, no!

453
00:18:51,029 --> 00:18:52,328
It's Harkin Financial.

454
00:18:52,396 --> 00:18:53,931
They want me to come in
for a job interview

455
00:18:53,999 --> 00:18:55,866
First thing tomorrow morning!

456
00:18:55,933 --> 00:18:58,068
Robin, will you take June
back to the city?

457
00:18:58,136 --> 00:19:00,471
Deputized!

458
00:19:00,538 --> 00:19:02,673
Wait. Really?
You're okay with me leaving?

459
00:19:02,740 --> 00:19:03,906
Interrupting the bender?

460
00:19:03,974 --> 00:19:06,009
You gotta go where
the bender takes you, June.

461
00:19:06,076 --> 00:19:08,443
If this is where your bender is
taking you, then so be it.

462
00:19:08,511 --> 00:19:11,314
This job interview is your
Lenny Kravitz. Now go bang it.

463
00:19:14,250 --> 00:19:15,685
Aah! You people hold
yourself together.

464
00:19:15,752 --> 00:19:17,753
It's not like
I'm dying of leukemia.

465
00:19:17,821 --> 00:19:20,056
one day,
I'm gonna tell June

466
00:19:20,123 --> 00:19:21,757
That she's amazing

467
00:19:21,825 --> 00:19:24,259
And pretty
and I want to touch her hair

468
00:19:24,326 --> 00:19:26,761
And I want to kiss her
on her tongue doors.

469
00:19:26,829 --> 00:19:28,931
You mean her mouth?

470
00:19:28,999 --> 00:19:31,200
Oh, yeah.
I couldn't think of the word.

471
00:19:32,501 --> 00:19:34,435
Make your own opportunity.

472
00:19:34,503 --> 00:19:35,869
You tell June how you feel.

473
00:19:35,938 --> 00:19:38,839
I'm gonna write a movie
that I direct and star in.

474
00:19:38,907 --> 00:19:40,075
Let's do it!

475
00:19:40,142 --> 00:19:42,743
Yeah! Future is now!

476
00:19:42,811 --> 00:19:44,179
Now!

477
00:19:49,184 --> 00:19:50,351
Mm.

478
00:19:57,125 --> 00:19:58,458
Oh!

479
00:19:58,526 --> 00:20:01,327
Ohh.

480
00:20:01,394 --> 00:20:04,297
What the hell?
How do you look so fresh?

481
00:20:04,365 --> 00:20:06,032
I'm a celebrity.

482
00:20:06,101 --> 00:20:08,867
Oh, no. Did I say anything
to June last night?

483
00:20:08,935 --> 00:20:10,269
Oh, yeah.

484
00:20:10,336 --> 00:20:11,837
You said a lot
of things to June last night.

485
00:20:11,904 --> 00:20:15,974
I could eat, like, eight
string cheeses in a row.

486
00:20:16,042 --> 00:20:17,844
You ever seen
that movie "rat race"?

487
00:20:17,911 --> 00:20:21,646
It's like this side of my face
but then this side of my face...

488
00:20:21,714 --> 00:20:22,882
Toenails.

489
00:20:22,950 --> 00:20:24,082
Ugh.

490
00:20:24,150 --> 00:20:25,383
I wrote the script last night.

491
00:20:25,451 --> 00:20:26,483
What?

492
00:20:26,551 --> 00:20:27,853
"Dancing with the Stars" is

493
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:29,287
The greatest thing
to ever happen to me

494
00:20:29,355 --> 00:20:31,222
Because it forced me to
make my own opportunities.

495
00:20:31,289 --> 00:20:33,191
I'm gonna make this movie.

496
00:20:33,259 --> 00:20:35,259
It's called "fingered."

497
00:20:35,326 --> 00:20:37,863
It's a cop drama. Luther
read it, said it's amazing.

498
00:20:37,930 --> 00:20:39,364
it's amazing.

499
00:20:39,431 --> 00:20:41,464
Now don't wash it till Thursday

500
00:20:41,531 --> 00:20:44,801
And don't blow-dry it on high
ever...

501
00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:46,903
Ever again.

502
00:20:46,971 --> 00:20:48,438
Bless you.

503
00:20:48,506 --> 00:20:50,207
Before we leave,
I want to steal

504
00:20:50,275 --> 00:20:52,209
One of P. Diddy's
white lawn jockeys.

505
00:20:52,277 --> 00:20:53,778
I do it every year.
It's tons of fun.

506
00:20:53,845 --> 00:20:55,444
Good afternoon, all.

507
00:20:55,512 --> 00:21:00,083
Say hello to Harkin Financial's
newest junior analyst.

508
00:21:00,151 --> 00:21:01,183
I got the job!

509
00:21:01,251 --> 00:21:02,751
Whoo! Yeah!

510
00:21:02,819 --> 00:21:03,920
yay!
Congratulations, June!

511
00:21:03,988 --> 00:21:06,890
And I got the car washed.

512
00:21:06,957 --> 00:21:08,758
congratulations, Robin.

513
00:21:08,826 --> 00:21:10,692
yay!

514
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:11,993
Yay.

515
00:21:12,060 --> 00:21:13,862
So why did you come back?

516
00:21:13,930 --> 00:21:15,630
I wanted to celebrate
with my friends,

517
00:21:15,698 --> 00:21:18,432
And I brought everybody scones
from Maude's.

518
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:20,067
Ooh! Delish!

519
00:21:20,135 --> 00:21:22,537
That'll go perfectly
with my Kahlua and cream.

520
00:21:22,605 --> 00:21:23,806
Ooh!

521
00:21:23,873 --> 00:21:25,273
I made it from
Katarina's breast milk.

522
00:21:25,340 --> 00:21:26,607
It's super smooth.

523
00:21:28,291 --> 00:21:31,054
You just drank milk made
from boobies.

524
00:21:31,202 --> 00:21:32,162
Ew.

525
00:21:32,182 --> 00:21:41,573
Synced By YesCool.Corrected by pepelepew.
Resync by ConstB www.addic7ed.com