1
00:00:03,060 --> 00:00:04,193
Raj, your tag's
sticking out.
2
00:00:04,195 --> 00:00:05,261
Thank you.
3
00:00:05,263 --> 00:00:06,629
That was the closest
I've come to sex
4
00:00:06,631 --> 00:00:07,830
in, like, two years.
5
00:00:09,166 --> 00:00:11,968
Now I feel a
little gross.
6
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:14,704
You're only making it seem
more real for me.
7
00:00:15,773 --> 00:00:17,540
Hey, that's my wife.
8
00:00:17,542 --> 00:00:20,076
If anyone's gonna make her feel
gross about sex, it's me.
9
00:00:21,178 --> 00:00:22,612
Can we please talk
about something
10
00:00:22,614 --> 00:00:24,514
other than my
depressing love life?
11
00:00:24,516 --> 00:00:26,683
How about Penny's
depressing acting career?
12
00:00:27,985 --> 00:00:29,152
Hey.
13
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:30,787
I mean, it's been
a little tough,
14
00:00:30,789 --> 00:00:32,221
but Penny's following
her dreams,
15
00:00:32,223 --> 00:00:34,257
and in my book,
that is not depressing.
16
00:00:34,259 --> 00:00:36,125
Aw... Thank you.
17
00:00:36,127 --> 00:00:38,861
Is that book called
Lies I Tell to Get Sex?
18
00:00:39,563 --> 00:00:40,797
Is that
a real book?
19
00:00:40,799 --> 00:00:42,565
I would totally
read that book.
20
00:00:43,434 --> 00:00:45,601
Can I borrow it
when you're done?
21
00:00:50,174 --> 00:00:51,307
Well, I'll have
you guys know
22
00:00:51,309 --> 00:00:53,309
I turned down a part
in a movie last week.
23
00:00:53,311 --> 00:00:54,544
Why would you do that?
24
00:00:54,546 --> 00:00:55,745
Because it was crap.
25
00:00:55,747 --> 00:00:57,080
It's a sequel to that awful
26
00:00:57,082 --> 00:00:58,314
killer gorilla movie I was in.
27
00:00:58,316 --> 00:01:00,249
Serial Ape-ist?
28
00:01:01,218 --> 00:01:03,219
I thought you
died in that.
29
00:01:03,221 --> 00:01:04,220
She does.
30
00:01:04,222 --> 00:01:05,288
42 minutes in.
31
00:01:05,290 --> 00:01:07,223
While showering topless,
32
00:01:07,225 --> 00:01:08,558
16 minutes after
brief side butt
33
00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,440
during a pillow fight
with her sorority sisters.
34
00:01:12,563 --> 00:01:14,130
I have an eidetic memory.
35
00:01:14,132 --> 00:01:15,832
I don't know what
his problem is.
36
00:01:16,900 --> 00:01:18,968
Okay, well, there are no
shower scenes in this one.
37
00:01:18,970 --> 00:01:20,870
They just try to clone me
from my corpse,
38
00:01:20,872 --> 00:01:22,705
but my DNA gets mixed
with the ape's DNA
39
00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:25,508
and I end up running around with
giant gorilla hands and feet.
40
00:01:27,144 --> 00:01:29,045
Am I missing something,
41
00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:31,114
or isn't that the part
she was born to play?
42
00:01:32,182 --> 00:01:35,785
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
43
00:01:35,787 --> 00:01:39,122
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
44
00:01:39,124 --> 00:01:40,757
♪ The Earth began to cool
45
00:01:40,759 --> 00:01:43,292
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
46
00:01:43,294 --> 00:01:45,962
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
47
00:01:45,964 --> 00:01:48,631
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
48
00:01:48,633 --> 00:01:50,533
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
49
00:01:50,535 --> 00:01:52,502
♪ Bang! ♪
50
00:01:52,922 --> 00:01:56,922
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x17 ♪
The Friendship Turbulence
Original Air Date on March 6, 2014
51
00:01:56,948 --> 00:02:01,948
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
52
00:02:01,974 --> 00:02:05,110
So are you really not
gonna do this movie?
53
00:02:05,112 --> 00:02:06,678
Well, I don't think
it's the kind of part
54
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:07,946
that's good for my career.
55
00:02:07,948 --> 00:02:10,482
Well, but don't
a lot of famous actors
56
00:02:10,484 --> 00:02:12,283
get their start
doing bad movies?
57
00:02:12,285 --> 00:02:14,786
Okay, I don't think Meryl Streep
ever had to say...
58
00:02:14,788 --> 00:02:16,588
"Must keep gorilla hands
59
00:02:16,590 --> 00:02:18,790
from killing again!"
60
00:02:21,327 --> 00:02:22,894
If she did, it would be amazing.
61
00:02:22,896 --> 00:02:25,697
That woman can do no wrong.
62
00:02:26,766 --> 00:02:29,100
I-I don't know anything
about show business,
63
00:02:29,102 --> 00:02:31,836
so if you think it's reasonable
to turn down paid work
64
00:02:31,838 --> 00:02:33,204
and just burn through
your savings,
65
00:02:33,206 --> 00:02:34,839
I'm sure you know
what you're doing.
66
00:02:40,346 --> 00:02:43,081
I think we're gonna go.
67
00:02:43,083 --> 00:02:44,082
Are you sure?
68
00:02:44,084 --> 00:02:46,618
We were making fun
of failed careers.
69
00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:49,587
We didn't get to tap
the juicy vein that is Howard's.
70
00:02:50,589 --> 00:02:53,692
Hey, I work
at the same university you do.
71
00:02:53,694 --> 00:02:56,027
Yes, and Hawkeye's
in the Avengers,
72
00:02:56,029 --> 00:02:58,730
but no one ever says,
"Help, Hawkeye!"
73
00:02:59,999 --> 00:03:01,833
Can I ask you
something?
74
00:03:01,835 --> 00:03:04,502
Why do you constantly feel
the need to put down my husband?
75
00:03:04,504 --> 00:03:05,537
Oh, I'm sure
76
00:03:05,539 --> 00:03:06,638
he does it out of love.
77
00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:08,673
The same way my boyfriend
makes me feel terrible
78
00:03:08,675 --> 00:03:11,476
about my life choices.
79
00:03:12,678 --> 00:03:15,480
I think we're gonna go.
80
00:03:15,482 --> 00:03:17,515
No, no, no. This is not a fight.
81
00:03:17,517 --> 00:03:20,585
I-I was just excited that
someone offered you a part
82
00:03:20,587 --> 00:03:22,220
and a little surprised
that you'd rather sit at home
83
00:03:22,222 --> 00:03:23,955
and do nothing than take it.
84
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,694
Now it's a fight.
85
00:03:30,496 --> 00:03:32,464
Well, with
that sorted out,
86
00:03:32,466 --> 00:03:34,532
I'm happy to answer your
question, Bernadette.
87
00:03:34,534 --> 00:03:35,867
Howard started it.
88
00:03:35,869 --> 00:03:39,070
I didn't do anything.
I was just sitting here.
89
00:03:39,072 --> 00:03:40,238
I wasn't referring
to this evening.
90
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,474
Ten years ago,
upon first seeing me,
91
00:03:42,476 --> 00:03:45,176
your husband claimed
that I looked like C-3PO
92
00:03:45,178 --> 00:03:47,545
and Pee-wee Herman.
93
00:03:49,115 --> 00:03:52,484
And he called me
C-3P-wee Herman.
94
00:03:54,453 --> 00:03:56,855
Still funny.
95
00:03:59,458 --> 00:04:01,459
That was ten years ago.
96
00:04:01,461 --> 00:04:04,162
Nine years, 11 months
and three weeks ago,
97
00:04:04,164 --> 00:04:07,398
he followed that up by replacing
the slides for my lecture
98
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:10,902
with photographs
of nude fat women bending over.
99
00:04:11,737 --> 00:04:13,538
Really?
100
00:04:13,540 --> 00:04:15,874
The lecture was
on cosmic gas clouds.
101
00:04:15,876 --> 00:04:17,408
That's funny!
102
00:04:19,145 --> 00:04:21,746
I was there. It was funny.
103
00:04:25,718 --> 00:04:28,653
In any event, that began
a decade-long progression
104
00:04:28,655 --> 00:04:32,457
of insults, pranks and
unwanted magazine subscriptions.
105
00:04:32,459 --> 00:04:34,759
To this day,
I still get a monthly copy
106
00:04:34,761 --> 00:04:37,328
of Granny on Granny.
107
00:04:38,664 --> 00:04:40,398
Which, other than its
surprisingly fun puzzle page,
108
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:41,866
is complete filth.
109
00:04:44,804 --> 00:04:47,505
Thanks for walking me
to my car.
110
00:04:47,507 --> 00:04:49,808
Actually,
it's for both of us.
111
00:04:49,810 --> 00:04:51,342
Last night, I watched
West Side Story,
112
00:04:51,344 --> 00:04:54,345
and I'm a little freaked out
by street gangs.
113
00:04:54,347 --> 00:04:56,648
Why can't Raj find a girl?
114
00:04:56,650 --> 00:04:59,617
The mystery continues.
115
00:04:59,619 --> 00:05:02,353
I don't appreciate
your sarcasm,
116
00:05:02,355 --> 00:05:05,790
but we've still got two blocks
to go, so I'll put up with it.
117
00:05:06,859 --> 00:05:09,160
Whatever happened with
your online dating?
118
00:05:09,162 --> 00:05:12,630
No one was writing me back, so
I stopped checking my profile.
119
00:05:12,632 --> 00:05:15,300
Before I met Sheldon,
I was ready to give up, too.
120
00:05:15,302 --> 00:05:17,368
Once, I even dropped
in on my OB/GYN
121
00:05:17,370 --> 00:05:20,338
just to get some
human contact.
122
00:05:20,340 --> 00:05:24,275
It has been a while
since I got my prostate checked.
123
00:05:24,277 --> 00:05:27,879
Then I met Sheldon and
look at where we are now.
124
00:05:27,881 --> 00:05:31,716
What? You've kissed, like,
once in three years.
125
00:05:32,651 --> 00:05:35,486
That's true.
Do whatever you want.
126
00:05:37,489 --> 00:05:38,756
Hey.
127
00:05:38,758 --> 00:05:40,058
Hello.
128
00:05:40,060 --> 00:05:42,527
Listen, I was thinking
129
00:05:42,529 --> 00:05:47,098
you and I could probably try
to be better friends.
130
00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:48,366
Really?
131
00:05:48,368 --> 00:05:51,669
I was thinking
what we have now is a bit much.
132
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:59,444
Seriously, I was talking
to Bernadette last night and...
133
00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:01,412
she made some great points.
134
00:06:01,414 --> 00:06:04,382
You and I have known each other
a long time,
135
00:06:04,384 --> 00:06:08,653
and I didn't hear the rest
'cause she took her bra off.
136
00:06:10,890 --> 00:06:13,157
Very well.
137
00:06:13,159 --> 00:06:15,326
How do you propose
we move forward?
138
00:06:15,328 --> 00:06:19,764
Uh, for starters, we could stop
insulting each other.
139
00:06:19,766 --> 00:06:21,232
That's a great idea.
140
00:06:21,234 --> 00:06:23,568
And in the spirit
of our new arrangement,
141
00:06:23,570 --> 00:06:27,338
I will mask my surprise
that you came up with it.
142
00:06:31,377 --> 00:06:34,479
Anyway, I got invited
to do a little talk at NASA
143
00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:36,114
in Houston this weekend.
144
00:06:36,116 --> 00:06:38,316
They gave me two tickets.
Bernadette can't go.
145
00:06:38,318 --> 00:06:39,817
You want to come with me?
146
00:06:39,819 --> 00:06:41,452
You can visit
your mom,
147
00:06:41,454 --> 00:06:43,721
and I'll show you
around the space center.
148
00:06:43,723 --> 00:06:46,724
I have one question.
149
00:06:46,726 --> 00:06:48,693
Is this a prank...
150
00:06:48,695 --> 00:06:50,662
where we land in Houston
151
00:06:50,664 --> 00:06:52,363
and you've made up
wanted posters
152
00:06:52,365 --> 00:06:55,333
that have my face with
a mustache and a Spanish name
153
00:06:55,335 --> 00:06:59,003
and then I get arrested
and deported to South America?
154
00:06:59,005 --> 00:07:01,139
No.
155
00:07:01,141 --> 00:07:03,808
I'm glad because I would not
have seen that coming.
156
00:07:07,546 --> 00:07:09,847
Amy, I could use
some help.
157
00:07:09,849 --> 00:07:11,516
Oh. Let me guess.
There's an...
158
00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:12,951
undergrad in a leather jacket
159
00:07:12,953 --> 00:07:15,320
snapping his fingers
by the water fountain.
160
00:07:16,221 --> 00:07:19,557
I thought about
what you said last night,
161
00:07:19,559 --> 00:07:21,125
and I went back
on the dating Web site
162
00:07:21,127 --> 00:07:22,927
and I was looking
at this girl's profile.
163
00:07:22,929 --> 00:07:24,929
She's amazing.
164
00:07:24,931 --> 00:07:27,498
Oh, she's cute.
165
00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:29,400
And smart. Phi Beta Kappa.
166
00:07:29,402 --> 00:07:30,902
And judging by her lack
of Adam's apple,
167
00:07:30,904 --> 00:07:33,438
she's been female
her entire life.
168
00:07:35,741 --> 00:07:38,543
I like that in a woman.
169
00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:41,379
Great,
so what do you need me for?
170
00:07:41,381 --> 00:07:42,947
Well, I was up all night trying
to write to her,
171
00:07:42,949 --> 00:07:44,482
but I wanted
to run it by you first.
172
00:07:44,484 --> 00:07:46,784
All right.
173
00:07:47,619 --> 00:07:50,221
"Emily,
174
00:07:50,223 --> 00:07:53,424
your face is like
a precious dew-kissed flower..."
175
00:07:53,426 --> 00:07:55,059
Wow.
176
00:07:55,061 --> 00:07:57,528
I know.
Powerful stuff, huh?
177
00:07:57,530 --> 00:07:59,263
No.
178
00:07:59,265 --> 00:08:01,532
You're supposed to be yourself,
not all...
179
00:08:01,534 --> 00:08:03,501
desperate and creepy.
180
00:08:03,503 --> 00:08:07,205
Okay, I'm getting
some mixed messages here.
181
00:08:07,207 --> 00:08:10,975
Just say something normal
like, "I saw your profile.
182
00:08:10,977 --> 00:08:13,578
"Looks like we have a
lot in common; let's get
183
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:16,547
a cup of coffee sometime."
Yes. "Where I can be
184
00:08:16,549 --> 00:08:20,318
jealous of the cup
touching your ruby lips."
185
00:08:22,154 --> 00:08:23,721
Or you just write it for me.
186
00:08:23,723 --> 00:08:25,289
I'm not gonna pretend to be you.
187
00:08:25,291 --> 00:08:26,858
I don't want you
to pretend to be me.
188
00:08:26,860 --> 00:08:29,060
You can be like my,
uh, online wingman.
189
00:08:29,062 --> 00:08:31,963
Like if we met her at a bar
and you talked me up.
190
00:08:31,965 --> 00:08:33,965
Well, what would I say to her?
191
00:08:33,967 --> 00:08:36,300
Just tell her
what I'm really like.
192
00:08:36,302 --> 00:08:39,570
And, if you think
it'll help,
193
00:08:39,572 --> 00:08:42,106
that you saw me changing once
and my package reminded you
194
00:08:42,108 --> 00:08:44,642
of the muscular tail
of a jaguar.
195
00:08:49,715 --> 00:08:52,183
Use your own words.
196
00:08:54,953 --> 00:08:57,655
Thanks again for taking me
to the pharmacy.
197
00:08:57,657 --> 00:08:59,957
Oh, it's no problem.
Is everything okay?
198
00:08:59,959 --> 00:09:01,659
Oh, I'm fine.
It's just some, uh,
199
00:09:01,661 --> 00:09:03,795
stomach medication for my trip.
200
00:09:03,797 --> 00:09:06,731
There's the remote
yet distinct possibility
201
00:09:06,733 --> 00:09:10,301
that I may end up
in South America.
202
00:09:11,470 --> 00:09:13,704
Remember the old days when I
would've said something dumb
203
00:09:13,706 --> 00:09:15,673
like "Why?"
204
00:09:20,379 --> 00:09:22,213
Uh, that doesn't
sound good.
205
00:09:22,215 --> 00:09:25,083
Remember the old days
when I used to point out
206
00:09:25,085 --> 00:09:27,452
that your check engine light
was on?
207
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,921
Yes.
Well, get ready
208
00:09:29,923 --> 00:09:32,390
to stroll down memory lane:
Penny, your check engine...
209
00:09:32,392 --> 00:09:34,025
Yeah, I know it's on, Sheldon!
210
00:09:34,027 --> 00:09:38,296
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I cannot afford this right now.
211
00:09:38,298 --> 00:09:40,231
Maybe it's just something minor.
212
00:09:48,574 --> 00:09:50,842
Ooh, good news,
the light just went out.
213
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:58,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
214
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,542
Are we playing
individual or teams?
215
00:10:02,544 --> 00:10:03,710
Teams are fun.
216
00:10:03,712 --> 00:10:05,812
Oh, in that case,
I'd like to be partnered
217
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,347
with my good friend Howard.
218
00:10:07,349 --> 00:10:09,416
But I'm always on Howard's team.
219
00:10:09,418 --> 00:10:10,350
We're best friends.
220
00:10:10,352 --> 00:10:14,021
The kind who finish
each others...
221
00:10:16,691 --> 00:10:18,659
I really don't think
we do tha...
222
00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:19,926
...do that! See?
223
00:10:21,763 --> 00:10:23,764
Oh, hi.
Oh, how'd it go
224
00:10:23,766 --> 00:10:24,998
at the mechanic?
225
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,600
Not great. Can I talk to you
for a sec?
226
00:10:26,602 --> 00:10:28,902
Yeah, sure.
227
00:10:28,904 --> 00:10:31,538
Maybe I can go with you
guys to Houston?
228
00:10:31,540 --> 00:10:33,573
Isn't it a little late
to get plane tick...
229
00:10:33,575 --> 00:10:35,609
...plane tickets? Yeah.
230
00:10:35,611 --> 00:10:37,711
Will you please sto...
231
00:10:37,713 --> 00:10:39,546
...stop that? Okay.
232
00:10:39,548 --> 00:10:41,782
I don't know what to do.
233
00:10:41,784 --> 00:10:44,284
My car threw a rod
and it's totaled.
234
00:10:44,286 --> 00:10:46,119
I can't afford a new one,
I have no job,
235
00:10:46,121 --> 00:10:47,487
and now I can't drive
to auditions.
236
00:10:47,489 --> 00:10:48,455
I'm so sorry.
237
00:10:48,457 --> 00:10:51,091
I know it's
a sensitive subject,
238
00:10:51,093 --> 00:10:53,460
but can you reconsider
that part in the movie?
239
00:10:53,462 --> 00:10:55,495
I did. I called them.
The part's gone.
240
00:10:55,497 --> 00:10:57,030
They gave it to someone else.
241
00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:59,066
Now that girl's gonna get
discovered and become famous
242
00:10:59,068 --> 00:11:02,302
and go on Letterman and talk
about how she got her big break
243
00:11:02,304 --> 00:11:03,603
on a cheap monkey movie
244
00:11:03,605 --> 00:11:06,840
all because some dumb girl
thought it was beneath her.
245
00:11:06,842 --> 00:11:10,277
At least they talked
about you on Letterman.
246
00:11:12,113 --> 00:11:15,015
Come on, I can drive you
wherever you need to go.
247
00:11:15,017 --> 00:11:17,084
How? Unlike me,
you have a job.
248
00:11:17,086 --> 00:11:19,953
I'm just gonna have to go back
to being a waitress... - Oh.
249
00:11:19,955 --> 00:11:22,589
...like I will be
for the rest of my life.
250
00:11:22,591 --> 00:11:24,091
Leonard, would you wrap it up?
251
00:11:24,093 --> 00:11:25,759
We're waiting on you.
252
00:11:25,761 --> 00:11:27,994
I'm sorry, is the fact
that my life's falling apart
253
00:11:27,996 --> 00:11:29,663
interfering
with your board game?
254
00:11:29,665 --> 00:11:32,265
It is.
255
00:11:34,102 --> 00:11:36,236
You were wrong, friend Howard.
256
00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:38,438
She completely understood.
257
00:11:42,511 --> 00:11:43,710
Hey, you busy?
258
00:11:43,712 --> 00:11:44,911
No. What's up?
259
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:46,880
Have you heard
back from Emily?
260
00:11:46,882 --> 00:11:48,014
I have.
261
00:11:48,016 --> 00:11:49,182
Great! And?
262
00:11:49,184 --> 00:11:50,584
And I'm afraid
263
00:11:50,586 --> 00:11:52,853
she doesn't think
you're right for her.
264
00:11:54,655 --> 00:11:57,624
I give you
one simple thing to do--
265
00:11:57,626 --> 00:12:00,761
contact a complete stranger and
make her fall in love with me--
266
00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:02,562
and you blow it!
267
00:12:02,564 --> 00:12:05,799
I told her
what a good guy you are, but
268
00:12:05,801 --> 00:12:07,868
she thought it
was a bad sign
269
00:12:07,870 --> 00:12:09,870
that you didn't write
to her yourself.
270
00:12:09,872 --> 00:12:13,807
She thought it made you seem
too shy and passive.
271
00:12:13,809 --> 00:12:15,675
I'm not too shy and passive.
272
00:12:15,677 --> 00:12:18,311
You write her back
and tell her I said that.
273
00:12:18,313 --> 00:12:21,381
You know,
when you have a second.
274
00:12:21,383 --> 00:12:24,885
Look, I'll see if I can change
her mind tomorrow night.
275
00:12:24,887 --> 00:12:26,520
What's happening tomorrow night?
276
00:12:26,522 --> 00:12:28,054
I'm meeting her for coffee.
277
00:12:28,056 --> 00:12:29,489
What?!
278
00:12:29,491 --> 00:12:31,558
Well, we just... we e-mailed
back and forth a bit,
279
00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:33,059
and we kind of
hit it off.
280
00:12:33,061 --> 00:12:35,343
I find a girl I like,
and you're stealing her?!
281
00:12:35,368 --> 00:12:35,963
No.
282
00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,831
We just ended up
having a lot in common.
283
00:12:37,833 --> 00:12:39,933
We went to Harvard,
we like Chaucer,
284
00:12:39,935 --> 00:12:42,669
we're both hardcore
into quilting.
285
00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:47,407
Your words fall like acid rain
286
00:12:47,409 --> 00:12:49,643
on the wounded petals
of my heart.
287
00:12:51,913 --> 00:12:53,547
That's Sheldon.
288
00:12:53,549 --> 00:12:55,515
He says he'll be down
in a minute.
289
00:12:55,517 --> 00:12:57,517
What are you doing?
290
00:12:57,519 --> 00:13:00,153
Oh, he's not coming out
until he sees proof
291
00:13:00,155 --> 00:13:02,722
you don't have an air freshener
in your car.
292
00:13:03,758 --> 00:13:06,726
This is gonna be a long weekend
for you.
293
00:13:06,728 --> 00:13:09,396
You're the reason I'm doing it!
I said
294
00:13:09,398 --> 00:13:10,764
to stop insulting each other.
295
00:13:10,766 --> 00:13:13,867
I didn't tell you to take him
on a romantic getaway.
296
00:13:13,869 --> 00:13:16,670
How do I know
what you said?
297
00:13:16,672 --> 00:13:19,739
Damn you and your
noise-cancelling breasts.
298
00:13:22,611 --> 00:13:23,743
Hello.
299
00:13:23,745 --> 00:13:25,445
Hi.
Hey, buddy.
300
00:13:25,447 --> 00:13:27,547
You excited for Texas?
301
00:13:27,549 --> 00:13:29,883
Oh, very much so.
302
00:13:29,885 --> 00:13:32,953
It's not every day you get to
tour NASA with a real astronaut.
303
00:13:32,955 --> 00:13:36,089
Who's the real astronaut?
304
00:13:37,558 --> 00:13:39,659
Buzz Aldrin.
305
00:13:39,661 --> 00:13:42,095
Oh. Yay!
306
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,909
Howard?
307
00:13:55,911 --> 00:13:57,944
Howard?
308
00:13:57,946 --> 00:14:00,146
Howard?
309
00:14:01,849 --> 00:14:03,817
What now?
310
00:14:03,819 --> 00:14:06,119
I have to go
to the bathroom.
311
00:14:06,121 --> 00:14:07,654
You just went
to the bathroom.
312
00:14:07,656 --> 00:14:10,357
I didn't use it because
it didn't seem safe.
313
00:14:10,359 --> 00:14:14,461
Despite all my e-mails, the
toilet didn't have a seatbelt.
314
00:14:15,830 --> 00:14:17,764
Well, it still doesn't.
315
00:14:17,766 --> 00:14:19,299
I realize that,
316
00:14:19,301 --> 00:14:22,969
but safety concerns went out
the window two apple juices ago.
317
00:14:22,971 --> 00:14:25,071
Fine.
318
00:14:26,307 --> 00:14:28,441
Why are you
getting annoyed?
319
00:14:28,443 --> 00:14:31,011
I'm trying to be
a better friend,
320
00:14:31,013 --> 00:14:34,581
but you constantly say
and do irritating things.
321
00:14:34,583 --> 00:14:36,683
Like when?
When?!
322
00:14:36,685 --> 00:14:37,984
How about in the car?
323
00:14:37,986 --> 00:14:40,320
I'm an astronaut,
and you know it.
324
00:14:40,322 --> 00:14:43,356
You just don't like admitting
it, because you're jealous.
325
00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:48,561
Well, truth be told,
326
00:14:48,563 --> 00:14:51,164
as a child, I did dream
of going to space.
327
00:14:51,166 --> 00:14:53,133
Those astronauts
were my heroes.
328
00:14:53,135 --> 00:14:55,268
And...
329
00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:58,471
when you got to go,
it was hard for me.
330
00:14:59,340 --> 00:15:01,341
Thank you.
331
00:15:01,343 --> 00:15:03,443
Because it made me
realize they'll just
332
00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:05,645
send anyone up there.
333
00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:08,949
Aren't you going
to let me out?
334
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:09,459
No.
335
00:15:09,484 --> 00:15:11,385
But I still need
to use the bathroom.
336
00:15:11,386 --> 00:15:14,654
Here you go. Be creative.
337
00:15:17,392 --> 00:15:20,126
What's the matter?
Scared of a little turbulence?
338
00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:23,430
No, turbulence is
just the equalization
339
00:15:23,432 --> 00:15:25,532
of diurnal temperature
variations in the atmosphere.
340
00:15:25,534 --> 00:15:27,334
I'm not scared at all.
341
00:15:28,704 --> 00:15:30,937
Oh, apple juice,
stay where you are.
342
00:15:31,772 --> 00:15:33,373
Oh, this is nothing.
343
00:15:33,375 --> 00:15:35,041
I experienced way worse
344
00:15:35,043 --> 00:15:37,043
when I was plummeting
back to Earth,
345
00:15:37,045 --> 00:15:39,579
apparently not being
a real astronaut.
346
00:15:41,917 --> 00:15:44,884
Okay, that was a big one.
347
00:15:44,886 --> 00:15:46,987
I take it back. I'm
scared of turbulence!
348
00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:48,888
I'm gonna need
that bag back.
349
00:15:52,693 --> 00:15:54,194
You sure you want
to do this?
350
00:15:54,196 --> 00:15:56,629
Yeah. Why wouldn't I want
to get my old job back?
351
00:15:56,631 --> 00:15:58,098
It'll be fun to see everyone.
352
00:15:58,100 --> 00:16:00,066
I haven't talked to them
since I said,
353
00:16:00,068 --> 00:16:02,535
"I quit. See you
at the Oscars, bitches."
354
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,638
Come on, let's just
get this over with.
355
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:06,873
"Let's get this over with."
356
00:16:06,875 --> 00:16:08,808
Am I driving you
to the Cheesecake Factory,
357
00:16:08,810 --> 00:16:10,276
or are we having sex?
358
00:16:11,379 --> 00:16:13,680
I'm just... I'm trying
to lighten the mood.
359
00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:15,515
I know. Thank you.
Sorry.
360
00:16:15,517 --> 00:16:17,117
It's just so
humiliating.
361
00:16:17,119 --> 00:16:18,251
So humiliating?
362
00:16:18,253 --> 00:16:20,253
Am I driving you to
the Cheesecake Factory...?
363
00:16:20,255 --> 00:16:22,322
I'm sorry.
I'll-I'll stop. I'll stop.
364
00:16:25,204 --> 00:16:26,671
Come on, don't
look so sad.
365
00:16:26,673 --> 00:16:28,139
You never know
what's gonna happen.
366
00:16:28,141 --> 00:16:30,575
Maybe tonight will be great.
Sweetie, I know you're trying
367
00:16:30,577 --> 00:16:32,911
to make me feel better,
and I love you for that,
368
00:16:32,913 --> 00:16:36,748
but it's making me feel worse,
and I kind of hate you.
369
00:16:36,750 --> 00:16:39,517
This isn't your car.
370
00:16:39,519 --> 00:16:42,987
I know. I thought
we'd take yours.
371
00:16:44,323 --> 00:16:46,491
I don't understand.
372
00:16:47,693 --> 00:16:49,994
It's nothing fancy,
but it'll get you to auditions,
373
00:16:49,996 --> 00:16:53,598
and at least for now, you don't
have to go back to waitressing.
374
00:16:55,034 --> 00:16:57,535
I don't know what to say.
375
00:16:57,537 --> 00:17:00,171
Don't say anything.
376
00:17:00,173 --> 00:17:02,240
Oh, my God.
377
00:17:02,242 --> 00:17:04,542
I mean, you could say,
"Thank you."
378
00:17:04,544 --> 00:17:06,644
I did just buy you a car.
379
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,948
Mmm.
380
00:17:11,083 --> 00:17:13,251
Look, I admit
that it's odd
381
00:17:13,253 --> 00:17:15,420
that Rajesh didn't
write to you himself,
382
00:17:15,422 --> 00:17:17,188
but if you get to know him,
383
00:17:17,190 --> 00:17:19,457
you'll see
he's just a sweet, regular guy.
384
00:17:19,459 --> 00:17:22,694
As a counterpoint, here he is,
uninvited and visibly sweaty.
385
00:17:22,696 --> 00:17:24,395
Hello, Emily.
386
00:17:24,397 --> 00:17:25,864
Hello.
Amy told me
387
00:17:25,866 --> 00:17:28,900
you were concerned that I might
be too passive and shy.
388
00:17:28,902 --> 00:17:30,602
Let me ask you something.
389
00:17:30,604 --> 00:17:32,737
Would a passive guy
barge in here
390
00:17:32,739 --> 00:17:34,773
to look you in the eye and say,
391
00:17:34,775 --> 00:17:38,276
"Hey, dew-kissed flower,
what's up?"
392
00:17:41,981 --> 00:17:45,016
No, but a weird guy
with no boundaries might.
393
00:17:45,018 --> 00:17:46,551
Uh, okay, that's
a separate issue.
394
00:17:46,553 --> 00:17:48,943
Let's put a pin in that and just
focus on the passive thing.
395
00:17:48,944 --> 00:17:50,206
I'm leaving.
396
00:17:50,231 --> 00:17:52,572
Are we still going to go to
that Chaucer reading Friday?
397
00:17:52,959 --> 00:17:55,059
You know, I think
I'm just gonna go by myself.
398
00:17:58,597 --> 00:18:01,132
Not my best first date.
399
00:18:02,368 --> 00:18:04,869
Yeah, but not my worst, either.
400
00:18:09,409 --> 00:18:11,810
I'm sorry for every mean thing
I ever did or said to you!
401
00:18:11,812 --> 00:18:13,678
I'm sorry, too!
It's all my fault!
402
00:18:15,282 --> 00:18:16,481
If you weren't my friend,
403
00:18:16,483 --> 00:18:18,149
there'd be a
hole in my life!
404
00:18:18,151 --> 00:18:19,818
Thank you, Sheldon.
405
00:18:19,820 --> 00:18:22,153
Kind of like when
Firefly was cancelled.
406
00:18:22,955 --> 00:18:25,723
But not as big.
407
00:18:35,812 --> 00:18:38,374
The captain has turned off
the fasten seat belt sign.
408
00:18:38,379 --> 00:18:40,742
You're now free
to move about the cabin.
409
00:18:42,486 --> 00:18:44,519
It's over.
Yeah.
410
00:18:47,024 --> 00:18:50,492
Should we stop
holding hands now?
411
00:18:52,395 --> 00:18:54,296
In a minute.
Okay, good.
412
00:18:54,298 --> 00:18:59,298
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
412
00:19:00,305 --> 00:20:00,774
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