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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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[gentle music playing]
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[dog barking]
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[gentle music continues]
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[bell jingles]
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[door closes]
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Two Pop-Tarts, please.
9
00:00:51,208 --> 00:00:52,541
Leave the box.
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- Tough day?
- You don't wanna know.
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"One day, Grandma Kellogg,
while baking pies for her family,
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found she had
some extra crust and filling."
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"So, she put them together
into little tarts."
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"They were so popular,
she called it the Pop-Tart."
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Wow. That's a pretty good story.
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[man] You think so? Bunch of baloney.
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It's on the box, mister.
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Yeah, well, that ain't what happened, kid.
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How do you know?
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'Cause I write what's on those boxes.
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You wanna know the real story?
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Nope.
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Come on. It's a good one.
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All right. But make it quick.
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Well, in the early '60s,
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the American morning
was defined by milk and cereal.
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[kids speaking indistinctly]
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[man] Our milkman was named Mike.
He was a swell guy.
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[dog barking]
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[man] And our little town
captured the imagination
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of every breakfast-loving
American kid just like you.
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Battle Creek, Michigan,
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the home of the two
undisputed giants of the cereal world,
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Kellogg's
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00:02:09,750 --> 00:02:10,625
and Post.
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And battle they did.
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Week after week, bowl after bowl,
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Post and Kellogg's fought
tooth and tongue to win.
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00:02:18,166 --> 00:02:20,500
But a spoon was about to get bent
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when a hot, sweet rectangle
popped on the scene,
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threatening to upend
America's breakfast table forever.
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So good.
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Morning, Mr. Kellogg.
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Oh! Great numbers last week, Bob.
You look at these demos?
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00:02:38,416 --> 00:02:41,500
We beat Alpha-Bits
in four-to-six-year-olds.
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00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:44,333
Letters, bad idea.
Don't make 'em think. They wanna eat.
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Did you read about the boy in Bloomington
who used the letters to spell "ass"?
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Horrible.
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And that's on his permanent record.
50
00:02:51,458 --> 00:02:53,125
- Good luck getting a job.
- Hmm.
51
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Hey, did you get my memo
about the frogman prize inside?
52
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Some kids are eating them.
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{\an8}If they're frogmen,
they'll find their way out.
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Did you look in on Tony?
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[Bob] On my way now.
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Keep him happy.
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Ooh. Vietnam. That seems like a good idea.
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[bell rings]
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[mascot] Wanna know what puts
a toothy grin on this tiger's face?
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{\an8}Kellogg's Sugar Frosted Flakes.
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{\an8}They're so right.
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[director] Thurl, can you hit
the "so" a little bit harder?
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"They're so right."
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[inhales deeply]
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- Are you giving me a read?
- I would never do that, Thurl.
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Let's not play games, young man.
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I am rehearsing Lear at four,
so could you simply tell me what you want?
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I wanna go home.
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Hello, everyone.
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- Oh! And look who's here.
- Good morning, Thurl.
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Is it good, Bob? Is it?
Have you seen today's copy?
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00:03:45,666 --> 00:03:49,125
Oh, we'll get it, Thurl. We've got
the best cereal writers in the business.
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We do indeed. We are so blessed.
They're great. Just gr-r-reat!
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That's it.
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That's the line we've been looking for.
Let's go again.
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Yes, quickly now.
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- Quickly, while I feel it.
- [bell rings]
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- [man 1] Ready?
- [man 2] Rolling.
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[Thurl] Sugar Frosted Flakes.
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They're gr-r-reat!
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- And cut.
- [bell rings]
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- [all applauding]
- Thurl, you did it again.
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Oh, thank you. You're very kind to me.
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You're very kind.
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[man] Bravo!
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[Thurl] I soar on the wings of eagles.
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00:04:19,458 --> 00:04:20,375
Thank you.
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Bob. Bob, a moment. I was wondering,
is there something that could be done,
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00:04:24,208 --> 00:04:27,000
perhaps, about the temperature
inside my head?
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- I'm literally sealed up inside, you see.
- [Bob] Mmm.
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00:04:29,541 --> 00:04:31,708
I'll get the boys
in the lab to look into it.
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Great. Thank you.
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[whimsical music playing]
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Where is the lab?
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There is no lab.
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- [Poppy] Mr. C.
- Poppy. What's this?
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00:04:42,625 --> 00:04:44,875
It's a first pass
at your Fruit Loops idea.
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00:04:44,875 --> 00:04:47,125
- Oh. How'd they do?
- The numbers aren't great.
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- Time to sog, 14 seconds.
- Ouch.
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Milk buoyancy, zero.
They are sinking like buckshot.
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00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:53,958
- Disappointing.
- Wanna hear the survey responses?
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- Not really.
- They are "I don't like these."
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"Please, no more."
And "Where did my parents go?"
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Okay. Just double the sugar,
triple the gluten,
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00:05:01,583 --> 00:05:04,458
and spell Fruit F-R-O-O-T.
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There's no fruit in here.
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00:05:06,041 --> 00:05:09,125
Obviously, fruit cannot survive
in a box on a shelf.
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- [Poppy] Of course not.
- [whispering]
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Mr. Cabana.
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Ah, boys.
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I'm just going to cut right to it.
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We're tired of doing
supermarket appearances.
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Yeah, we're catching on.
We want a record deal, board games--
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- Maybe even a beach movie.
- Oh.
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Tell him the title.
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Krispy Boys Surfin' Along.
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Yeah. This thing is big, Bob.
We want more.
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More? Here's more.
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Let's add a new guy.
How about Snap, Crackle, Pop, and Boing?
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Would you like to split
your paycheck four ways with Boing?
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00:05:41,083 --> 00:05:44,208
Or I could just hire
Poop, Slap, and Smile,
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because I can replace this whole act...
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[snaps fingers] ...like that.
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[breathing shakily]
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He's teasing. He loves you guys.
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Meeting in the Krispy Cave, now.
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[music ends]
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[announcer] From the recently renovated
Holiday Inn in Battle Creek, Michigan,
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it is the 1963 Bowl and Spoon Awards,
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00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,166
the night cereal salutes itself.
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{\an8}Brought to you by Oscar Mayer Wieners.
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{\an8}When you are done with breakfast,
we'll be waiting.
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[audience applauding]
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[Mr. Kellogg] Well, whatever it is,
my gerbil loves it. [laughs]
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[gasps]
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[enchanting music playing]
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[Mr. Kellogg] Oh, Madame Cereal.
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Miss Marjorie Post.
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Well well, King Kellogg.
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Good luck tonight,
not that you need it, right?
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Well, I don't know. That fruity gravel
of yours made quite a splash.
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Pebbles. Fruity Pebbles.
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00:06:31,541 --> 00:06:35,458
Uh-- I-- Rick Ludwin, also with Post.
I have been eating you for years.
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- I'd leave.
- Uh...
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00:06:39,375 --> 00:06:41,750
You know we don't stand
a chance against you tonight.
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Well, it's been a very good year.
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00:06:43,833 --> 00:06:45,916
Oh, you should enjoy it.
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It's the '60s.
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00:06:46,916 --> 00:06:50,583
- Things are really moving fast.
- What do you mean?
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00:06:51,333 --> 00:06:55,250
Oh, there's always a surprise
inside the box. Isn't there, Eddie?
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Huh?
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00:06:57,750 --> 00:06:59,625
[jazz music playing]
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Greetings, Kellogg's brethren.
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Praise be.
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00:07:02,708 --> 00:07:05,458
Hey, Isaiah.
You know Isaiah Lamb from Quaker.
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Anything new nominated tonight?
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00:07:08,541 --> 00:07:09,875
[Isaiah] No, nothing new.
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Original oats, original flavor.
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Yeah, flavor.
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[Poppy laughs softly]
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00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:15,916
- What's that?
- Nothing.
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You Kellogg's people.
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Peace be upon you.
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Why do they keep showing up to this?
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00:07:23,916 --> 00:07:28,041
- Mixing religion and cereal, why?
- To keep sales down?
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00:07:28,041 --> 00:07:31,708
[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome your host, Stu Smiley.
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00:07:31,708 --> 00:07:33,791
- [orchestral fanfare playing]
- [all applauding]
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00:07:33,791 --> 00:07:35,625
Oh. [chuckles]
169
00:07:36,583 --> 00:07:37,458
[kisses]
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00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,250
I love this guy.
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00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:42,916
{\an8}And welcome to the big Bowl and Spoon.
How are you?
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00:07:42,916 --> 00:07:45,708
{\an8}Look at you tonight.
Somebody's frosted your flakes.
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00:07:45,708 --> 00:07:47,625
[audience laughing]
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00:07:47,625 --> 00:07:49,833
Well, you know I love cereal people. I do.
175
00:07:49,833 --> 00:07:53,583
{\an8}My favorite thing is on the front
of the box is serving suggestions.
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00:07:53,583 --> 00:07:56,791
Well, I have a suggestion for you.
How about filling up the box?
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00:07:56,791 --> 00:07:57,750
[all laughing]
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00:07:57,750 --> 00:08:00,166
{\an8}- What's with all the air?
- [audience applauding]
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00:08:00,166 --> 00:08:01,791
This is gonna be a great night, guys.
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00:08:01,791 --> 00:08:04,500
And we're gonna get things
started here with our first award.
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00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:09,083
{\an8}It is Best New Cereal Box Character.
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00:08:09,083 --> 00:08:10,583
And the winner is
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00:08:11,166 --> 00:08:12,166
Kellogg's.
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00:08:12,166 --> 00:08:13,666
[exclaiming]
185
00:08:13,666 --> 00:08:15,666
[Stu] Apple Jacks' Apple Head.
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00:08:16,291 --> 00:08:17,250
This is all you.
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00:08:17,250 --> 00:08:18,625
Well, it's everyone.
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00:08:18,625 --> 00:08:19,583
Me mostly.
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00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:23,083
{\an8}Easiest to Open Wax Bag.
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00:08:23,083 --> 00:08:24,000
Kellogg's!
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00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,458
Yeah!
192
00:08:26,041 --> 00:08:27,208
[sarcastically] Yay.
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00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:30,625
- Kellogg's, ladies and gentlemen.
- [audience exclaims]
194
00:08:30,625 --> 00:08:32,333
Kellogg's, guys. Come on.
195
00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:34,500
Best Use of Niacin.
196
00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:35,500
{\an8}You guessed it.
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00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,166
{\an8}Kellogg's, guys.
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00:08:37,166 --> 00:08:39,375
[groovy music playing]
199
00:08:39,375 --> 00:08:41,041
[audience continues applauding]
200
00:08:42,833 --> 00:08:44,041
Heathens.
201
00:08:44,041 --> 00:08:46,666
Let the grain speak for itself.
202
00:08:46,666 --> 00:08:48,791
[music crescendoes]
203
00:08:48,791 --> 00:08:50,000
[music ends]
204
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,000
I don't know
where I'm gonna put all these.
205
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,958
Why are they smiling over there?
They're losing everything.
206
00:08:54,958 --> 00:08:57,583
Then the priest says,
"Really? She was when I knew her."
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00:08:57,583 --> 00:08:59,375
[laughing]
208
00:08:59,375 --> 00:09:01,708
Maybe they're just happy for you, Bob.
209
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:05,166
They'd be happy if we were dragged
through the streets like Mussolini.
210
00:09:05,166 --> 00:09:08,833
Mussolini? Come on, Bob.
Lighten up. We won the night.
211
00:09:09,666 --> 00:09:13,250
I don't know.
I feel like they know something we don't.
212
00:09:13,250 --> 00:09:15,458
And now in memoriam.
213
00:09:15,458 --> 00:09:19,333
Let's take a moment to remember
some of the cereals we lost this year.
214
00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:21,166
We ate of you what we could.
215
00:09:21,166 --> 00:09:23,875
["It Was A Very Good Year"
by Frank Sinatra playing]
216
00:09:23,875 --> 00:09:27,041
♪ When I was seventeen ♪
217
00:09:28,333 --> 00:09:32,666
- ♪ It was a very good year ♪
- [sobbing]
218
00:09:32,666 --> 00:09:35,125
[mysterious music playing]
219
00:09:40,083 --> 00:09:41,750
[menacing music plays]
220
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:45,375
[mischievous music playing]
221
00:09:49,208 --> 00:09:50,208
[kid grunting]
222
00:09:50,208 --> 00:09:51,208
[thuds]
223
00:09:53,416 --> 00:09:55,041
[truck revving]
224
00:09:55,791 --> 00:09:57,500
[whirring]
225
00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:01,500
[dramatic music playing]
226
00:10:02,958 --> 00:10:04,791
[kids screaming]
227
00:10:04,791 --> 00:10:07,125
{\an8}- [grunting]
- [objects clattering]
228
00:10:07,125 --> 00:10:09,333
- [clanking]
- [kids yelping]
229
00:10:10,166 --> 00:10:11,583
[grunting]
230
00:10:11,583 --> 00:10:13,791
[mischievous music playing]
231
00:10:15,333 --> 00:10:17,625
- [kids grunting]
- [thudding]
232
00:10:17,625 --> 00:10:18,833
[groans]
233
00:10:18,833 --> 00:10:20,708
[engine revving]
234
00:10:21,541 --> 00:10:22,458
[brakes squealing]
235
00:10:22,458 --> 00:10:24,250
Hey, what are those kids doing?
236
00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:26,875
- Oh, they come for the goo.
- Who comes for the goo?
237
00:10:26,875 --> 00:10:29,833
The ones.
The ones who come, it's for the goo.
238
00:10:29,833 --> 00:10:31,541
- The goo?
- The goo!
239
00:10:31,541 --> 00:10:33,000
[truck hisses, revs]
240
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:35,666
[suspenseful music playing]
241
00:10:41,458 --> 00:10:42,416
[dramatic music plays]
242
00:10:42,416 --> 00:10:43,875
Are you kids okay?
243
00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:46,916
Oh, sure. We live in nice homes
and already had a complete breakfast.
244
00:10:46,916 --> 00:10:49,875
But we come here for this.
245
00:10:49,875 --> 00:10:51,833
- It's garbage.
- [girl] Is it?
246
00:10:51,833 --> 00:10:55,875
Or is it some hot fruit lightning
the man doesn't want you to have?
247
00:10:56,375 --> 00:10:57,333
[boy] No, wait.
248
00:10:57,333 --> 00:10:59,625
You have to have it like this.
249
00:11:00,666 --> 00:11:02,666
[heavenly music playing]
250
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,458
Eat up.
251
00:11:08,458 --> 00:11:10,541
[siren wailing]
252
00:11:12,416 --> 00:11:13,958
[thunder rumbling]
253
00:11:15,333 --> 00:11:17,333
[thrilling music playing]
254
00:11:22,291 --> 00:11:23,125
[dramatic sting]
255
00:11:23,125 --> 00:11:26,875
- They got a fruit-filled pastry dingus.
- Dingus? Who has a dingus?
256
00:11:26,875 --> 00:11:30,625
Post. They did it. It's some kind
of jelly-ish structure thing.
257
00:11:30,625 --> 00:11:32,833
Transportable, possibly heatable.
258
00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:35,583
- It might even be nutritious.
- It's not possible.
259
00:11:35,583 --> 00:11:39,583
It's like a balloon popping out of
a steering wheel in an accident, insane.
260
00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:40,500
I tasted it.
261
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,125
- Where?
- Out of a dumpster.
262
00:11:42,125 --> 00:11:44,666
But isn't this
what your team was working on?
263
00:11:44,666 --> 00:11:46,125
You said it was a dead end.
264
00:11:46,125 --> 00:11:49,416
It is. We thought it was.
Post must have cracked it.
265
00:11:49,416 --> 00:11:50,416
This could sink us.
266
00:11:50,416 --> 00:11:52,625
There isn't a Kellogg's cereal
that would survive.
267
00:11:52,625 --> 00:11:53,958
You're in a tizzy, Bob.
268
00:11:53,958 --> 00:11:58,250
Uh, look at these awards.
We just cleaned up at the Bowl and Spoons.
269
00:11:58,250 --> 00:12:00,333
Edsel, we own the Bowl and Spoons.
270
00:12:00,333 --> 00:12:03,000
You know how hard I work
to keep that from leaking?
271
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,125
- It's a sham.
- It's a good show.
272
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,750
Well, the show's over.
273
00:12:07,250 --> 00:12:09,250
You realize what this means?
274
00:12:10,041 --> 00:12:12,958
Post will be the new king of Battle Creek.
275
00:12:12,958 --> 00:12:14,291
Then what are we?
276
00:12:15,083 --> 00:12:16,958
We're lumpy Cream of Wheat.
277
00:12:17,458 --> 00:12:19,375
I wanted to send my kids to college.
278
00:12:19,375 --> 00:12:20,500
[somber music playing]
279
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:22,458
It's, like, $200 a year.
280
00:12:22,458 --> 00:12:24,750
I guess my family was right about me.
281
00:12:25,583 --> 00:12:27,916
I'll be the first failed Kellogg.
282
00:12:27,916 --> 00:12:30,666
You didn't fail.
You have to do something to fail.
283
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:34,541
Easy on the insults, Bob.
You'd be out of a job too.
284
00:12:34,541 --> 00:12:36,875
I know. I could be a train hobo,
285
00:12:36,875 --> 00:12:39,625
cooking meat on the end
of a stick over a barrel fire.
286
00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:42,916
You can't say hobo anymore.
They prefer bum.
287
00:12:42,916 --> 00:12:46,708
Well, I guess that's the end
of my dream of having a real lawn someday.
288
00:12:46,708 --> 00:12:49,250
- Wait. You have a lawn.
- It's not sod.
289
00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:52,250
I want sod.
You ever see that kind of grass?
290
00:12:52,250 --> 00:12:54,208
Thick? Really green?
291
00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:57,500
They roll it out like Poppin' Fresh dough.
292
00:12:57,500 --> 00:13:01,041
That's your dream? You don't have
feelings like normal people, do you?
293
00:13:01,041 --> 00:13:02,625
Yes, I do. I feel fine.
294
00:13:02,625 --> 00:13:04,833
We need to find out if this is real.
295
00:13:04,833 --> 00:13:06,416
[pensive music playing]
296
00:13:07,708 --> 00:13:09,708
- I need Chester Slink.
- Who's that?
297
00:13:09,708 --> 00:13:11,708
- I'm on the phone, Bob.
- Huh.
298
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:14,083
[announcer]
Direct from CBS News in New York.
299
00:13:14,083 --> 00:13:17,625
This is the CBS Evening News
with Walter Cronkite.
300
00:13:17,625 --> 00:13:21,708
This just handed to me,
some major news from the breakfast world.
301
00:13:21,708 --> 00:13:24,333
The Post Cereal company
of Battle Creek, Michigan,
302
00:13:24,333 --> 00:13:29,916
has reportedly invented a shelf-stable,
heatable fruit pastry breakfast product.
303
00:13:30,458 --> 00:13:31,791
Shelf-stable.
304
00:13:33,333 --> 00:13:34,666
Boy. [sighs]
305
00:13:34,666 --> 00:13:36,625
More to come after this.
306
00:13:36,625 --> 00:13:37,916
And we're clear.
307
00:13:37,916 --> 00:13:39,875
On a personal note,
308
00:13:39,875 --> 00:13:42,541
Daddy bought himself a WHEE-LO.
309
00:13:43,041 --> 00:13:45,083
WHEE-LO.
310
00:13:45,583 --> 00:13:49,875
Goes away but always comes back for more.
311
00:13:51,541 --> 00:13:52,875
Much like the missus.
312
00:13:55,458 --> 00:13:58,125
[Edsel] This is Chester Slink,
our head of security.
313
00:13:58,125 --> 00:14:00,208
Chester, tell us what you found out.
314
00:14:00,208 --> 00:14:04,083
Well, this footage was taken
this morning by our man inside Post.
315
00:14:04,083 --> 00:14:05,250
[snaps fingers]
316
00:14:05,791 --> 00:14:07,333
[projector clicks, whirs]
317
00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:08,958
[suspenseful music playing]
318
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,916
- I can't see a damn thing.
- It's the best we have right now.
319
00:14:12,916 --> 00:14:17,416
We have an operative posing as a janitor
with a camera attached to his mop.
320
00:14:17,416 --> 00:14:20,833
Very brave,
these men inside with their mops.
321
00:14:21,416 --> 00:14:25,000
We believe this is what Bob
was ingesting in the dumpster.
322
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,750
Clearly, it's a fructiferous goo.
323
00:14:27,750 --> 00:14:30,166
- Perhaps pectin-based?
- [all murmuring]
324
00:14:30,166 --> 00:14:31,166
Pectin-based.
325
00:14:31,166 --> 00:14:32,125
Pectin.
326
00:14:33,208 --> 00:14:37,291
- What are you doing? What's that noise?
- Get that mop out of my face.
327
00:14:38,416 --> 00:14:39,291
Do your job.
328
00:14:40,583 --> 00:14:41,583
[scoffs]
329
00:14:41,583 --> 00:14:43,333
[suspenseful music playing]
330
00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:45,083
[camera whirring]
331
00:14:45,916 --> 00:14:48,250
- [Bob] Wait. Stop the film.
- [projector clicks]
332
00:14:48,250 --> 00:14:49,791
That's my research.
333
00:14:49,791 --> 00:14:53,166
Yeah, it is. It's possible
they got a guy working in our offices.
334
00:14:53,166 --> 00:14:54,541
[Edsel] Unlikely.
335
00:14:54,541 --> 00:14:57,333
I recently doubled our security.
336
00:14:57,333 --> 00:14:59,166
We have two guards now.
337
00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,708
- [vacuum whirring]
- Uh-- Can you do that later?
338
00:15:01,708 --> 00:15:03,833
Uh-- We're in a meeting.
339
00:15:03,833 --> 00:15:05,583
[vacuum powering down]
340
00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:08,166
[camera whirring]
341
00:15:09,166 --> 00:15:12,916
[man clears throat] Excuse me,
but I am days away
342
00:15:12,916 --> 00:15:16,791
{\an8}from a fruit snack that'll blow
their product right into the deli aisle.
343
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:18,791
{\an8}Is that a sardine can?
344
00:15:18,791 --> 00:15:19,916
It was.
345
00:15:20,416 --> 00:15:23,125
But instead of oily
Mediterranean baitfish,
346
00:15:23,125 --> 00:15:25,541
it contains yummy fresh fruit puree.
347
00:15:26,833 --> 00:15:29,416
I give you the Kellogg's Frui-dine.
348
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:34,250
[all groan]
349
00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:37,666
Uh, this one appears to be compromised.
That happens.
350
00:15:38,208 --> 00:15:42,500
Uh-- My team is also very close
on something called Corn Gooies.
351
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:43,541
And that is?
352
00:15:43,541 --> 00:15:46,083
It's individual Corn Pops
filled with creamed corn.
353
00:15:46,083 --> 00:15:48,041
- [all gagging]
- And they're gooey.
354
00:15:48,041 --> 00:15:49,958
[all gagging, groaning]
355
00:15:49,958 --> 00:15:52,625
Everyone out. Take that. Take that.
356
00:15:52,625 --> 00:15:54,375
[footsteps receding rapidly]
357
00:15:54,375 --> 00:15:55,416
Save us, Bob.
358
00:15:55,958 --> 00:15:56,791
[door closes]
359
00:15:56,791 --> 00:15:58,958
Whatever it takes. Whatever you need.
360
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,666
- I need Stan back.
- [Edsel] No.
361
00:16:01,791 --> 00:16:05,458
- No Stankowski. No can do.
- Look, I know Stan's not easy.
362
00:16:05,458 --> 00:16:08,375
Not easy?
Well, you couldn't even deal with Stan.
363
00:16:08,375 --> 00:16:11,791
- We worked it out. We used a veto system.
- Wh-- What?
364
00:16:11,791 --> 00:16:13,208
We gave each other the power
365
00:16:13,208 --> 00:16:16,125
to veto anything
the other person did that was annoying.
366
00:16:16,125 --> 00:16:17,750
To reduce tension.
367
00:16:17,750 --> 00:16:20,208
Smelly lunch orders. Weird belts.
368
00:16:20,208 --> 00:16:21,583
Oh, that's interesting.
369
00:16:21,583 --> 00:16:25,291
'Cause my company's on
the verge of total collapse!
370
00:16:25,291 --> 00:16:26,833
That's why we need Stan.
371
00:16:26,833 --> 00:16:28,125
[Edsel sighs]
372
00:16:28,125 --> 00:16:30,333
Does anyone even know where Stan is?
373
00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:34,791
{\an8}[announcer] Three, two, one. Ignition.
374
00:16:34,791 --> 00:16:37,666
["Wooly Bully" by Sam The Sham
& The Pharaohs playing]
375
00:16:37,666 --> 00:16:39,000
♪ Wooly bully ♪
376
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,208
♪ Watch it now, watch it... ♪
377
00:16:42,041 --> 00:16:43,625
[indistinct chatter]
378
00:16:43,625 --> 00:16:45,375
♪ Matty told Hatty... ♪
379
00:16:45,375 --> 00:16:46,541
[whooshing]
380
00:16:46,541 --> 00:16:48,625
♪ About a thing she saw... ♪
381
00:16:49,333 --> 00:16:51,708
{\an8}- [buzzer buzzing]
- [woman] The alien is hostile.
382
00:16:53,541 --> 00:16:55,125
♪ And a wooly jaw ♪
383
00:16:55,125 --> 00:16:56,708
♪ Wooly bully... ♪
384
00:16:56,708 --> 00:16:59,083
{\an8}[woman] The alien is tricky.
385
00:16:59,083 --> 00:17:01,166
- ♪ Wooly bully ♪
- ♪ Yeah, right ♪
386
00:17:02,208 --> 00:17:03,083
♪ Wooly bully ♪
387
00:17:04,041 --> 00:17:05,166
♪ Wooly bully ♪
388
00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:06,750
♪ Wooly bully ♪
389
00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:11,291
Hey, if you guys get hungry on the moon,
I just came up with this.
390
00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:13,791
It's Twinkie in a tube. Ha!
391
00:17:13,791 --> 00:17:17,750
- Like I couldn't do that?
- I see in flavors, flyboy.
392
00:17:17,750 --> 00:17:20,541
What do you do other than
screw up and press eject?
393
00:17:20,541 --> 00:17:22,875
[tires squealing]
394
00:17:25,458 --> 00:17:26,958
- Cabana.
- [engine stops]
395
00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:29,458
Can't believe they leave
the keys in these things.
396
00:17:31,208 --> 00:17:34,000
Wow. You guys are really into the moon.
397
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,208
Been expecting you.
398
00:17:35,708 --> 00:17:38,416
Post has really got you
by the nut clusters this time.
399
00:17:38,416 --> 00:17:39,958
Here. Try this.
400
00:17:41,333 --> 00:17:42,375
[slurping]
401
00:17:42,875 --> 00:17:45,583
- It's got a certain tang.
- Ooh, that's a good name.
402
00:17:45,583 --> 00:17:49,208
But, Bob, I... I know you're in a spot,
but I don't wanna go back to flake town.
403
00:17:49,208 --> 00:17:52,583
- What is so great about NASA?
- They're not afraid of the future.
404
00:17:52,583 --> 00:17:55,291
I mean, we've got something here
called a microwave oven.
405
00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:58,416
Cooked a Swanson TV dinner
in 25 minutes flat. That's a fact.
406
00:17:58,416 --> 00:17:59,666
Yeah, for seven guys.
407
00:17:59,666 --> 00:18:02,666
I'm talking about happy childhoods
for millions of American kids.
408
00:18:02,666 --> 00:18:06,416
- We're going to the moon.
- The moon. Leave the moon alone.
409
00:18:06,416 --> 00:18:08,041
You look up, it's there.
410
00:18:08,041 --> 00:18:10,500
It'll always be there. Don't pick at it.
411
00:18:11,083 --> 00:18:12,708
You're jamming goo into tubes
412
00:18:12,708 --> 00:18:15,500
for a bunch of chain-smoking
Corvette guys with flattops.
413
00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:17,333
They're gonna go up,
they're gonna come down.
414
00:18:17,333 --> 00:18:19,291
They're gonna become alcoholics
and get divorced.
415
00:18:19,291 --> 00:18:20,416
The chimps are smarter.
416
00:18:21,291 --> 00:18:22,916
Okay, how do you think Post did it?
417
00:18:22,916 --> 00:18:24,958
I know how they did it.
They stole our research.
418
00:18:25,541 --> 00:18:28,083
- I wonder if they used xanthan gum.
- Xanthan.
419
00:18:28,083 --> 00:18:29,916
I don't wanna work for Edsel again.
420
00:18:29,916 --> 00:18:34,541
You don't really think you're actually
going to the moon, do you, really?
421
00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:37,750
Going to the moon?
422
00:18:38,875 --> 00:18:41,166
- [laughing] No, I don't.
- No.
423
00:18:41,166 --> 00:18:42,458
- Let's go.
- Let's go.
424
00:18:42,458 --> 00:18:43,458
[sighs]
425
00:18:43,458 --> 00:18:47,666
♪ Wooly bully ♪
426
00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:49,750
[mysterious music playing]
427
00:18:54,875 --> 00:18:56,416
Are we in trouble, mister?
428
00:18:56,416 --> 00:18:59,416
You just tell Miss Post
about what you were doing in our dumpster
429
00:18:59,416 --> 00:19:01,166
and anything else she wants to know.
430
00:19:02,583 --> 00:19:04,458
Hello, kids.
431
00:19:06,833 --> 00:19:07,791
Move.
432
00:19:08,375 --> 00:19:11,541
So I heard you rascals
went on a little treasure hunt.
433
00:19:11,541 --> 00:19:13,958
That is our patented property.
434
00:19:13,958 --> 00:19:16,125
Do you know
what trademark infringement is?
435
00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:20,000
Trademark infringement is a violation
of exclusive rights of a proprietary brand
436
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,666
without the authorization
of the owner or other licensees.
437
00:19:22,666 --> 00:19:25,333
Now, you listen to me, Cabbage Patch.
438
00:19:25,333 --> 00:19:27,666
You have no idea
what's going on here, do you?
439
00:19:29,708 --> 00:19:31,166
Well, maybe you'd like to find out.
440
00:19:33,083 --> 00:19:35,708
- Ma'am, you're not thinking of--
- Bring me a box of the x19s.
441
00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:38,375
But, ma'am, all we have at this point
is an untested prototype.
442
00:19:38,375 --> 00:19:40,416
- I cannot recommend--
- You cannot?
443
00:19:40,416 --> 00:19:41,875
Don't you see, Ludwin?
444
00:19:41,875 --> 00:19:46,541
I'm about to finally crush that big
red K that never stops glaring at me.
445
00:19:47,375 --> 00:19:48,833
I hate them.
446
00:19:50,333 --> 00:19:51,375
[music fades]
447
00:19:51,375 --> 00:19:52,625
[twinkling music plays]
448
00:19:53,666 --> 00:19:55,083
Where the hell are they?
449
00:19:55,083 --> 00:19:57,791
[suspenseful music playing]
450
00:20:04,791 --> 00:20:06,791
[epic music playing]
451
00:20:10,416 --> 00:20:11,625
[exhaling]
452
00:20:13,083 --> 00:20:15,416
- [chuckles]
- [fire crackling]
453
00:20:15,416 --> 00:20:16,583
[Ludwin coughs]
454
00:20:17,375 --> 00:20:18,208
Ludwin.
455
00:20:21,250 --> 00:20:23,000
- [bursts, crackles]
- Ahh!
456
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,041
Must you be so dramatic?
457
00:20:25,041 --> 00:20:27,083
Why does it smell like that?
458
00:20:27,083 --> 00:20:30,500
There's just a small amount
of petroleum in this version.
459
00:20:31,250 --> 00:20:32,250
[gasps, groans]
460
00:20:32,250 --> 00:20:34,083
Forget the toaster. We'll do it raw.
461
00:20:34,083 --> 00:20:36,000
- [toaster clatters]
- We'll do it raw!
462
00:20:40,041 --> 00:20:42,458
I can't believe I'm saying this,
463
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:44,916
but this is even better
than what's in the dumpster.
464
00:20:45,833 --> 00:20:47,708
Better than what's in the dumpster.
465
00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:50,958
Just what they said about Grape-Nuts.
466
00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:53,458
[pensive music playing]
467
00:20:57,041 --> 00:21:00,000
We're gonna need
to use every inch of this place.
468
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,916
I take it you're comfortable
reinstating our veto system.
469
00:21:02,916 --> 00:21:05,625
- I think that would be wise, Bob.
- Any issues?
470
00:21:05,625 --> 00:21:07,541
No. Any issues?
471
00:21:09,041 --> 00:21:10,041
No.
472
00:21:10,041 --> 00:21:11,666
[Edsel] Here's the winning team.
473
00:21:11,666 --> 00:21:13,208
Milk and cereal.
474
00:21:13,208 --> 00:21:15,000
Peanut butter and jelly.
475
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,833
Stankowski and Cabana.
476
00:21:17,833 --> 00:21:19,541
Now I know we can take 'em.
477
00:21:19,541 --> 00:21:21,041
You look good, Stan.
478
00:21:21,041 --> 00:21:22,583
You look the same.
479
00:21:22,583 --> 00:21:24,583
Well, I just lost 25 pounds.
480
00:21:25,541 --> 00:21:27,791
- I don't miss it.
- You're not supposed to miss it.
481
00:21:27,791 --> 00:21:32,208
- Nobody misses 25 pounds of fat.
- That's what I'm sayin'. I don't miss it.
482
00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:33,375
Stan?
483
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:36,083
Why is he losing it? Is it 'cause
he's still sweet on Margie Post?
484
00:21:36,083 --> 00:21:38,083
- Would you leave him alone?
- It's not true.
485
00:21:38,083 --> 00:21:41,583
Besides, a... a Post and a Kellogg
could never be. It's forbidden.
486
00:21:41,583 --> 00:21:42,916
Doesn't that make it sexier?
487
00:21:42,916 --> 00:21:44,250
- [gasps]
- Okay.
488
00:21:44,250 --> 00:21:47,166
I told you this one's a little off.
She's not a company man.
489
00:21:47,166 --> 00:21:49,875
- I'm not a man.
- All right. Let's start over.
490
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:53,541
How about the three of us
have a bowl of cereal together right now?
491
00:21:54,791 --> 00:21:56,791
Sure. Why not? I could use a bowl.
492
00:21:56,791 --> 00:21:58,625
- Let's bowl up.
- Bowl time.
493
00:21:58,625 --> 00:22:01,458
["Can't Take My Eyes Off You"
by Frankie Valli playing]
494
00:22:06,041 --> 00:22:07,083
Ah.
495
00:22:08,083 --> 00:22:11,708
♪ You're just too good to be true ♪
496
00:22:11,708 --> 00:22:15,458
♪ Can't take my eyes off of you ♪
497
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,166
♪ You'd be like heaven to touch ♪
498
00:22:19,791 --> 00:22:23,208
♪ I wanna hold you so much ♪
499
00:22:23,750 --> 00:22:27,000
♪ At long last, love has arrived ♪
500
00:22:27,666 --> 00:22:30,666
♪ And I thank God I'm alive ♪
501
00:22:31,458 --> 00:22:34,958
♪You're just too good to be true
502
00:22:34,958 --> 00:22:38,708
♪ Can't take my eyes off of you ♪
503
00:22:42,125 --> 00:22:45,875
The magic of cereal is you're eating and
drinking at the same time with one hand.
504
00:22:45,875 --> 00:22:48,833
What we need to be able to do
is recreate this euphoric gratification.
505
00:22:48,833 --> 00:22:50,291
{\an8}But in a completely new way.
506
00:22:50,291 --> 00:22:53,625
Well, all of Kellogg's manpower
is at your disposal.
507
00:22:53,625 --> 00:22:56,791
That is not gonna work.
If we're gonna beat Post,
508
00:22:56,791 --> 00:22:58,541
we need the most innovative,
509
00:22:58,541 --> 00:23:01,583
unconventional minds of the 1960s.
510
00:23:01,583 --> 00:23:03,000
Well, think you can get them?
511
00:23:04,541 --> 00:23:06,125
They're already on a plane.
512
00:23:07,166 --> 00:23:08,208
Well, he's not.
513
00:23:08,208 --> 00:23:10,000
And this guy's on a bus.
514
00:23:10,625 --> 00:23:12,625
And Einstein's dead. But the rest...
515
00:23:13,166 --> 00:23:15,583
{\an8}- [orchestral fanfare playing]
- [all cheering]
516
00:23:17,833 --> 00:23:20,125
Today, Kellogg's boldly announces
517
00:23:20,125 --> 00:23:25,166
that we are entering the race
to develop the new breakfast dingus.
518
00:23:25,166 --> 00:23:27,333
{\an8}I'd like to bring up our head
of development,
519
00:23:27,333 --> 00:23:30,916
Robert Cabana,
to tell you all about it. Uh, Bob?
520
00:23:30,916 --> 00:23:33,250
[all applauding]
521
00:23:33,250 --> 00:23:34,791
The brave men you see before you
522
00:23:34,791 --> 00:23:37,958
have been through
an unprecedented series of evaluations.
523
00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:40,583
Each is at the top of their field.
524
00:23:40,583 --> 00:23:43,500
Inventive, visionary, fearless.
525
00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:45,416
[all cheering]
526
00:23:45,416 --> 00:23:49,375
- Soft-serve ice cream genius, Tom Carvel.
- [crowd cheering]
527
00:23:49,375 --> 00:23:52,541
- Children's bicycle maker, Steve Schwinn.
- [crowd cheering]
528
00:23:52,541 --> 00:23:55,875
Inventor of the Sea-Monkey
and German immigrant,
529
00:23:55,875 --> 00:23:58,541
- Harold von Braunhut.
- [crowd cheering]
530
00:23:58,541 --> 00:24:02,833
Canned meatball whiz kid, Chef Boyardee.
531
00:24:03,791 --> 00:24:06,583
Tightly-tailored physical fitness icon,
Jack LaLanne.
532
00:24:06,583 --> 00:24:08,083
- [wolf whistle]
- [cheering continues]
533
00:24:08,083 --> 00:24:11,208
{\an8}And from IBM,
the smartest machine ever made,
534
00:24:11,208 --> 00:24:13,083
{\an8}UNIVAC the computer.
535
00:24:13,083 --> 00:24:14,000
[UNIVAC buzzes]
536
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:18,166
{\an8}I give you
Kellogg's first-ever taste pilots.
537
00:24:18,166 --> 00:24:20,291
[all cheering and applauding]
538
00:24:20,291 --> 00:24:22,541
[dramatic music playing]
539
00:24:25,583 --> 00:24:26,541
[music ends]
540
00:24:28,666 --> 00:24:29,708
[Bob] Questions?
541
00:24:29,708 --> 00:24:32,958
Mr. LaLanne, is this kind of food
really part of your health regimen?
542
00:24:32,958 --> 00:24:34,083
{\an8}Well, sugar's poison,
543
00:24:34,083 --> 00:24:37,583
{\an8}which is why we're developing something
new called high-fructose corn syrup.
544
00:24:37,583 --> 00:24:39,333
{\an8}[all applauding]
545
00:24:39,333 --> 00:24:40,541
[reporters clamoring]
546
00:24:40,541 --> 00:24:44,041
Mr. Schwinn, why would you leave
the number one bicycle company in America
547
00:24:44,041 --> 00:24:46,208
to make some unknown edible item?
548
00:24:46,208 --> 00:24:48,083
- That's what we're doing?
- [crowd laughing]
549
00:24:48,083 --> 00:24:49,208
[reporters clamoring]
550
00:24:49,208 --> 00:24:50,500
Uh, next question?
551
00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:53,375
Mr. Carvel, your voice
is so famously unappetizing.
552
00:24:53,375 --> 00:24:55,291
Why did put yourself in your commercials?
553
00:24:55,291 --> 00:24:57,875
Blow it out your trumpet, Sally.
[imitates blowing trumpet]
554
00:24:57,875 --> 00:24:58,958
- [crowd laughing]
- Tom.
555
00:24:58,958 --> 00:25:01,333
[whirring and clicking]
556
00:25:07,625 --> 00:25:09,541
{\an8}[buzzing]
557
00:25:10,833 --> 00:25:14,000
Mr. von Braunhut,
where were you in the early 1940s?
558
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,750
{\an8}That is for me to know
and you not to find out.
559
00:25:16,750 --> 00:25:17,833
{\an8}[laughing]
560
00:25:19,791 --> 00:25:22,583
Okay. Thank you, everyone.
That's it for today.
561
00:25:22,583 --> 00:25:24,916
Excuse me.
I was serious about the 1940s question.
562
00:25:24,916 --> 00:25:27,833
- Can we all just move on?
- Thank you, and we'll see you again.
563
00:25:27,833 --> 00:25:29,583
[all cheering and applauding]
564
00:25:29,583 --> 00:25:31,541
[inspirational music playing]
565
00:25:34,958 --> 00:25:37,833
[brooding music playing]
566
00:25:45,916 --> 00:25:47,083
[music fades]
567
00:25:48,458 --> 00:25:51,125
America is gonna
fall in love with those guys.
568
00:25:51,958 --> 00:25:54,875
- Couple rough spots.
- How masterful was Tom Carvel?
569
00:25:54,875 --> 00:25:57,666
You mean threatening a female journalist
or wearing a dirty shirt?
570
00:25:57,666 --> 00:25:58,791
Yeah, right?
571
00:25:59,916 --> 00:26:02,750
- Hey, what were those milkmen doing there?
- Take a seat.
572
00:26:04,125 --> 00:26:06,500
I've kept this from you two over the years
573
00:26:06,500 --> 00:26:09,041
because I just didn't know
how to talk about it.
574
00:26:09,041 --> 00:26:12,833
As we all know, in the beginning,
farmers milked cows for fun.
575
00:26:12,833 --> 00:26:15,541
It was just a gross white liquid
576
00:26:15,541 --> 00:26:17,958
dripping out of some dimwitted beast
577
00:26:17,958 --> 00:26:20,583
that was fun to throw at girls.
578
00:26:20,583 --> 00:26:21,625
But when a ranch hand
579
00:26:21,625 --> 00:26:26,041
named Milky Cashman
spilled some into a bowl of dry cereal,
580
00:26:26,041 --> 00:26:28,208
a million-dollar business was born.
581
00:26:28,208 --> 00:26:30,916
You see, the smiling, friendly milkman,
582
00:26:30,916 --> 00:26:31,958
that's all fake.
583
00:26:31,958 --> 00:26:32,958
[dramatic sting]
584
00:26:32,958 --> 00:26:35,708
They're a greedy, ruthless syndicate,
585
00:26:35,708 --> 00:26:37,625
and they protect what's theirs.
586
00:26:38,208 --> 00:26:42,208
And we are currently developing
a product that doesn't need milk.
587
00:26:42,208 --> 00:26:44,666
Wait a minute.
What ever happened to Milky Cashman?
588
00:26:44,666 --> 00:26:47,833
He was the first missing person
on the side of a milk carton. Hmm.
589
00:26:48,750 --> 00:26:51,291
His own goddamn milk carton.
590
00:26:51,291 --> 00:26:52,625
Sorry for my French.
591
00:26:52,625 --> 00:26:55,000
- That's not French.
- What does this mean?
592
00:26:55,000 --> 00:27:00,666
What it means is we're about to have
some very powerful people very upset.
593
00:27:00,666 --> 00:27:01,583
Mmm.
594
00:27:01,583 --> 00:27:03,583
I'm not afraid
of those sour cream jockeys.
595
00:27:03,583 --> 00:27:07,083
That kind of attitude could land you
on the business end of a cow.
596
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:09,208
That means the butt.
597
00:27:10,416 --> 00:27:13,541
{\an8}[marching drums playing]
598
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:18,791
[whirring and clicking]
599
00:27:18,791 --> 00:27:20,916
[suspenseful music playing]
600
00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:24,708
Bob, this is Purvis Pendleton from IBM.
601
00:27:24,708 --> 00:27:27,875
We really appreciate you guys
loaning this thing out to us.
602
00:27:27,875 --> 00:27:30,083
Tell you the truth,
we're kind of happy to be rid of it.
603
00:27:30,083 --> 00:27:31,833
- Oh.
- [whirring]
604
00:27:31,833 --> 00:27:32,833
Oh.
605
00:27:32,833 --> 00:27:34,208
[whirs, dings]
606
00:27:34,791 --> 00:27:36,375
"Hello, Stan."
607
00:27:36,375 --> 00:27:37,333
[whirring]
608
00:27:39,125 --> 00:27:40,083
[dings]
609
00:27:40,875 --> 00:27:42,375
"Nursed or bottle-fed?"
610
00:27:42,375 --> 00:27:43,291
Neither.
611
00:27:43,291 --> 00:27:44,541
Don't answer that.
612
00:27:45,666 --> 00:27:47,416
No, UNIVAC. No!
613
00:27:48,375 --> 00:27:50,416
- We talked about this.
- [buzzes]
614
00:27:52,208 --> 00:27:53,041
"Sea-Monkeys."
615
00:27:53,041 --> 00:27:55,625
"The real live fun pets
you grow yourself"?
616
00:27:55,625 --> 00:27:57,750
- Come on.
- [Harold] Here they are. So simple.
617
00:27:58,500 --> 00:28:00,500
You pour them in, stir the water...
618
00:28:01,458 --> 00:28:02,333
[clinking]
619
00:28:02,333 --> 00:28:04,083
Behold, life.
620
00:28:04,750 --> 00:28:07,375
- Genius, no?
- And it's just dried-out shrimp eggs?
621
00:28:07,375 --> 00:28:10,583
Correct. Worthless. Yet the little ones
send me their allowance money.
622
00:28:10,583 --> 00:28:14,375
- Defrauding children. Lovely.
- Don't get me wrong. I love the children.
623
00:28:14,875 --> 00:28:18,208
Although due to a cruel prank of nature,
I can have none of my own.
624
00:28:18,208 --> 00:28:20,166
- [both gasp]
- What are you looking at?
625
00:28:20,750 --> 00:28:22,458
Don't you see I'm pouring my heart out?!
626
00:28:22,458 --> 00:28:24,208
[in Italian] Don't send me back to Italy.
627
00:28:24,208 --> 00:28:28,291
I have debts. Serious men want to hurt me.
628
00:28:29,166 --> 00:28:30,666
That's some good seafood.
629
00:28:31,458 --> 00:28:33,500
I thought you said these were geniuses.
630
00:28:33,500 --> 00:28:35,708
These were the geniuses that we could get.
631
00:28:36,208 --> 00:28:39,500
- I gotta talk to Jack about--
- That fruit juicer in his pants?
632
00:28:39,500 --> 00:28:40,875
[Bob] Yeah, it's a focus puller.
633
00:28:40,875 --> 00:28:44,416
Does he go on TV like that? Do they shoot
him from the waist up like Elvis?
634
00:28:44,416 --> 00:28:46,416
- [Stan] I hope so.
- [beeping]
635
00:28:46,416 --> 00:28:47,916
[whirs, dings]
636
00:28:49,958 --> 00:28:51,083
He's right.
637
00:28:52,375 --> 00:28:54,375
[whimsical music playing]
638
00:28:56,041 --> 00:28:58,041
[inaudible]
639
00:28:59,291 --> 00:29:01,750
- So, how was your hotel?
- Oh, it's nice.
640
00:29:01,750 --> 00:29:03,166
They've got me at the Holiday Inn.
641
00:29:03,166 --> 00:29:05,166
[Stan] Can't go wrong
with the Holiday Inn.
642
00:29:05,166 --> 00:29:07,083
[Purvis] Ice machines on every floor.
643
00:29:07,083 --> 00:29:09,250
[Stan] Clean, paper bands
on the toilet seat.
644
00:29:09,250 --> 00:29:10,458
Classy operation.
645
00:29:11,208 --> 00:29:13,666
Okay, so just to be clear,
you want a smooth look.
646
00:29:13,666 --> 00:29:17,250
That gets weird too. I'm not a doll.
But I'll be one if you want me to be.
647
00:29:17,250 --> 00:29:18,791
Just do something. I don't care.
648
00:29:18,791 --> 00:29:21,000
- Ah! You got it, boss. [chuckles]
- [Bob] Okay.
649
00:29:21,583 --> 00:29:23,791
[whimsical music plays]
650
00:29:24,833 --> 00:29:26,958
[dramatic music playing]
651
00:29:26,958 --> 00:29:28,291
They got LaLanne?
652
00:29:30,416 --> 00:29:32,208
They're stacking the deck with ringers.
653
00:29:33,291 --> 00:29:34,791
I had them on their backs,
654
00:29:35,333 --> 00:29:37,000
flipped over like a turtle.
655
00:29:37,916 --> 00:29:40,791
- How long before we're on shelves?
- We're not out the lab yet.
656
00:29:40,791 --> 00:29:43,250
We're figuring out
what's causing the buttock rashes.
657
00:29:43,250 --> 00:29:46,791
You are a rash on my buttocks, Ludwin.
658
00:29:46,791 --> 00:29:50,000
- We also need a name.
- What's the best we have right now?
659
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:51,416
Well, we're down to three.
660
00:29:51,416 --> 00:29:55,291
Dextrose Dillies, Wonder Gels,
and Fresh Flatties.
661
00:29:56,083 --> 00:29:57,000
Hmm.
662
00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:00,125
Those are all pretty strong.
There's one clear winner.
663
00:30:00,125 --> 00:30:01,041
Yes.
664
00:30:01,041 --> 00:30:02,708
- Dextrose Dillies.
- Fresh Flatties.
665
00:30:03,208 --> 00:30:07,208
Ludwin, just get those
goddamn fruit flabby funk fritters,
666
00:30:07,208 --> 00:30:10,416
whatever the hell they're called,
out the door and down kids' throats.
667
00:30:10,416 --> 00:30:13,291
But, ma'am, we haven't even
negotiated for shelf space yet.
668
00:30:13,833 --> 00:30:14,958
Leave that to me.
669
00:30:16,250 --> 00:30:17,625
I like Funk Fritters.
670
00:30:17,625 --> 00:30:20,291
It's fun. Zippy. Let's go with that.
671
00:30:20,291 --> 00:30:22,541
Or let's go with this.
672
00:30:23,333 --> 00:30:24,375
[yelping]
673
00:30:24,375 --> 00:30:27,208
[wondrous music playing]
674
00:30:28,416 --> 00:30:31,708
Do you think we should've hired people
that know more about food?
675
00:30:31,708 --> 00:30:33,000
Could have.
676
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:38,666
[Thurl] Trumpets, fanfare, alarums,
for rehearsal is about to commence.
677
00:30:38,666 --> 00:30:41,916
This space has been reserved
for me and my players.
678
00:30:41,916 --> 00:30:43,166
To do what?
679
00:30:43,166 --> 00:30:44,791
Philip, a flyer, please.
680
00:30:46,166 --> 00:30:48,958
{\an8}"Kellogg's Cereals presents
Thurl Ravenscroft as King Lear."
681
00:30:48,958 --> 00:30:52,000
{\an8}"Entirely reconceived and reimagined
by Thurl Ravenscroft,
682
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,250
starring Thurl Ravenscroft."
683
00:30:54,250 --> 00:30:57,333
And then it just says
"Thurl Ravenscroft" again at the bottom.
684
00:30:57,333 --> 00:30:59,708
This is Shakespeare for the 1960s.
685
00:31:00,250 --> 00:31:02,583
God knows, as relevant now as ever was.
686
00:31:02,583 --> 00:31:04,833
[whispering] Couldn't be more irrelevant.
687
00:31:04,833 --> 00:31:05,791
[smacks lips]
688
00:31:05,791 --> 00:31:07,958
[Bob] Thurl, you can't be here right now.
689
00:31:08,541 --> 00:31:10,625
I believe my contract is clear.
690
00:31:10,625 --> 00:31:13,458
I play your ridiculous box-top tiger
691
00:31:13,458 --> 00:31:19,500
in exchange for bringing some culture
to the lowborn, dirt-digging Michi-goon.
692
00:31:19,500 --> 00:31:20,666
You mean me?
693
00:31:20,666 --> 00:31:22,958
- I do.
- Stan, thank you.
694
00:31:24,166 --> 00:31:28,041
- Thurl, you are our most important star.
- Hmm.
695
00:31:28,041 --> 00:31:30,625
But we can't prioritize
the high arts right now.
696
00:31:30,625 --> 00:31:34,041
I see. How's the lab, Bob?
697
00:31:34,708 --> 00:31:36,500
Oh, the head temperature.
698
00:31:37,125 --> 00:31:40,333
Great news. They think they can put
a coolant pump in your jowls.
699
00:31:40,333 --> 00:31:41,333
Can they?
700
00:31:41,333 --> 00:31:42,291
No.
701
00:31:42,875 --> 00:31:43,875
Hmm.
702
00:31:43,875 --> 00:31:45,333
I like your Burger King crown.
703
00:31:45,333 --> 00:31:47,833
I like your hairdo.
You look like a telephone.
704
00:31:47,833 --> 00:31:49,541
I like your patchy mustache.
705
00:31:49,541 --> 00:31:52,750
- I like your patchy mustache.
- I like your cadaver teeth.
706
00:31:53,583 --> 00:31:55,583
[brooding music playing]
707
00:31:56,625 --> 00:31:58,958
Beware of entrance to a quarrel.
708
00:32:00,083 --> 00:32:01,416
But once in it...
709
00:32:03,541 --> 00:32:04,583
beware of me.
710
00:32:04,583 --> 00:32:06,333
[music crescendoes, ends]
711
00:32:06,333 --> 00:32:09,500
- What are you, some kind of ding-dong?
- And I'm gone.
712
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,125
Excuse me. Mr. Kellogg needs you.
713
00:32:12,125 --> 00:32:14,416
A meeting of the five cereal families
has been called.
714
00:32:14,416 --> 00:32:15,375
By who?
715
00:32:15,375 --> 00:32:18,250
Who do you think?
Marge Post is making her move.
716
00:32:18,250 --> 00:32:19,625
[dramatic music builds]
717
00:32:21,625 --> 00:32:23,375
I'd like to thank you all for coming.
718
00:32:23,958 --> 00:32:25,083
General Mills,
719
00:32:25,750 --> 00:32:26,583
Ralston,
720
00:32:27,208 --> 00:32:28,333
Quaker,
721
00:32:28,333 --> 00:32:29,250
and Kellogg's.
722
00:32:30,291 --> 00:32:33,833
And thanks to Ernie Keebler
for providing the Fudge Stripes.
723
00:32:34,708 --> 00:32:36,041
Are the snacks complimentary?
724
00:32:36,041 --> 00:32:37,833
- Let's just pay attention.
- Right.
725
00:32:37,833 --> 00:32:40,166
Spare us the frosting, Marge.
Just get to it.
726
00:32:40,166 --> 00:32:42,500
And that is why I called this meeting.
727
00:32:43,250 --> 00:32:44,375
Respect.
728
00:32:45,125 --> 00:32:49,708
We at the Post company have
finally broken the fruit pastry barrier.
729
00:32:49,708 --> 00:32:52,875
- Because you stole our research.
- Nevertheless.
730
00:32:52,875 --> 00:32:57,166
Why can't this technology be generic
so that we all can wet our spoons?
731
00:32:57,166 --> 00:32:59,666
- Like we did with Raisin Bran.
- Not this time.
732
00:33:00,375 --> 00:33:02,166
These are my new terms.
733
00:33:02,166 --> 00:33:05,333
From now on,
Post gets premium shelf space.
734
00:33:05,333 --> 00:33:08,000
Nothing near kosher foods or cat chow.
735
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:12,333
Saturday morning cartoons,
I want Deputy Dawg and Snagglepuss.
736
00:33:12,333 --> 00:33:13,625
Oh, come on, Marge!
737
00:33:13,625 --> 00:33:17,625
And I want out of Claymation characters
with religious themes.
738
00:33:17,625 --> 00:33:19,250
It's a snoozer.
739
00:33:19,250 --> 00:33:21,250
Oh, you can put my name on those.
740
00:33:21,250 --> 00:33:23,958
How do we know this thing
is even producible in quantities?
741
00:33:23,958 --> 00:33:26,708
You'll know it when you see it
on store shelves next week
742
00:33:26,708 --> 00:33:28,333
and then flying off them.
743
00:33:29,291 --> 00:33:31,958
Always a little surprise inside,
right, Eddie?
744
00:33:31,958 --> 00:33:32,875
[kisses]
745
00:33:33,500 --> 00:33:35,166
[exhales sharply, gulps]
746
00:33:35,166 --> 00:33:36,791
[chairs scraping]
747
00:33:36,791 --> 00:33:39,333
Next week? I... I thought we had months.
748
00:33:40,500 --> 00:33:41,500
[sighs]
749
00:33:41,500 --> 00:33:44,291
What was that? You don't like him, do you?
750
00:33:44,291 --> 00:33:47,541
It could never be, Ludwin.
A Post and a Kellogg, it's forbidden.
751
00:33:47,541 --> 00:33:49,625
[chuckles] Wouldn't that make it sexier?
752
00:33:49,625 --> 00:33:51,666
I hope you die in a car fire.
753
00:33:53,541 --> 00:33:56,083
We're dead. My legacy.
754
00:33:56,083 --> 00:33:57,291
My sod.
755
00:33:58,750 --> 00:34:01,500
It's a bold move to put
chocolate on top of a cookie.
756
00:34:01,500 --> 00:34:04,875
'Cause it's something already sweet,
and then you're doubling down on it.
757
00:34:04,875 --> 00:34:07,125
But I guess
you can never get enough sugar.
758
00:34:07,125 --> 00:34:08,750
[intriguing music playing]
759
00:34:08,750 --> 00:34:11,375
Unless you can't get enough.
Pack your bags.
760
00:34:11,375 --> 00:34:13,916
We're gonna put a kink
in Post's garden hose.
761
00:34:13,916 --> 00:34:16,833
[salsa music playing]
762
00:34:26,291 --> 00:34:28,250
[Bob] Just so you know,
he's very dangerous.
763
00:34:28,250 --> 00:34:30,458
And he loves live entertainment.
764
00:34:30,458 --> 00:34:32,958
And he controls 99% of the world's sugar?
765
00:34:32,958 --> 00:34:36,416
He's a very important man.
They call him El Sucre.
766
00:34:37,041 --> 00:34:40,208
Ah, my Kellogg's friends. Please.
767
00:34:40,208 --> 00:34:42,375
[Bob] El Sucre, so good to see you again.
768
00:34:42,375 --> 00:34:43,750
Amazing house.
769
00:34:43,750 --> 00:34:47,041
Oh, well, thank you.
But the grout on the patio is not right.
770
00:34:47,708 --> 00:34:51,000
These tile guys.
It was supposed to be a white white.
771
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:54,375
It's more of an off-white.
They have to redo the whole thing.
772
00:34:54,375 --> 00:34:56,916
They show you so many samples,
you make yourself crazy.
773
00:34:57,875 --> 00:34:58,958
You say I'm crazy?
774
00:34:58,958 --> 00:35:00,916
[unsettling music builds]
775
00:35:03,250 --> 00:35:04,083
No.
776
00:35:04,083 --> 00:35:05,583
[music ends]
777
00:35:05,583 --> 00:35:10,083
El Sucre, we want to
significantly increase our monthly sugar.
778
00:35:10,083 --> 00:35:12,666
Yes. My special white powder
gets a grip on you, no?
779
00:35:12,666 --> 00:35:14,458
But business can wait.
780
00:35:14,458 --> 00:35:18,666
In this hard life, we must also enjoy, no?
A little entertainment, hmm?
781
00:35:18,666 --> 00:35:22,375
From Cal Neva Lodge in Nevada,
please welcome Eddie Mink and Danny.
782
00:35:22,375 --> 00:35:24,333
- [Stan] Uh...
- [El Sucre applauding]
783
00:35:24,333 --> 00:35:25,625
Thank you very much.
784
00:35:26,875 --> 00:35:27,875
Hey, Danny.
785
00:35:27,875 --> 00:35:29,791
How about this beautiful house?
786
00:35:29,791 --> 00:35:32,625
Yeah, if you don't mind the bad grout job.
787
00:35:32,625 --> 00:35:34,583
[laughing] Oh, he went right to it.
788
00:35:34,583 --> 00:35:36,333
[Danny] What's the big deal?
789
00:35:36,333 --> 00:35:38,208
There are blobs. It's all--
790
00:35:38,875 --> 00:35:39,791
[whimpers]
791
00:35:39,791 --> 00:35:42,541
Such a hard job, making people laugh.
792
00:35:42,541 --> 00:35:43,625
But so important.
793
00:35:43,625 --> 00:35:45,833
Anyway, gentlemen, back to business. Hmm?
794
00:35:46,458 --> 00:35:47,750
[gun fires]
795
00:35:51,291 --> 00:35:52,291
[Stan] Hmm.
796
00:35:52,291 --> 00:35:55,708
- El Sucre, sugar is why we came.
- [El Sucre] Yes, it is why everyone comes.
797
00:35:55,708 --> 00:35:58,291
- How much are we talking?
- We want all of it.
798
00:35:58,291 --> 00:36:00,875
So you're finally
going to finish off Post.
799
00:36:01,375 --> 00:36:02,791
That will cost you quite a bit.
800
00:36:02,791 --> 00:36:05,958
We have something very big coming out.
Money will not be an issue.
801
00:36:05,958 --> 00:36:06,875
Oh. I know it won't.
802
00:36:06,875 --> 00:36:10,416
Because in my business, we have a saying.
"Pay us, or we kill you."
803
00:36:11,083 --> 00:36:12,666
- Appreciate it.
- [El Sucre] Yes.
804
00:36:13,208 --> 00:36:16,541
- All right, then. Then there we have it.
- Yes.
805
00:36:16,541 --> 00:36:19,833
Okay. Thank you for, uh,
you know, the spread and--
806
00:36:19,833 --> 00:36:21,208
No, please. Thank you for coming.
807
00:36:21,208 --> 00:36:23,625
And good luck
with everything that you're doing,
808
00:36:23,625 --> 00:36:25,666
which we didn't have
a chance to talk about.
809
00:36:25,666 --> 00:36:27,000
Next time.
810
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:28,416
- [chuckles]
- [El Sucre] Eh...
811
00:36:30,375 --> 00:36:32,208
[Danny] I'm dying, Eddie!
812
00:36:32,208 --> 00:36:33,666
[shushing]
813
00:36:33,666 --> 00:36:35,208
You done good, kid.
814
00:36:35,208 --> 00:36:38,666
- You done real good.
- I can't believe he's still doing the act.
815
00:36:38,666 --> 00:36:40,208
- He's a professional.
- Mmm.
816
00:36:42,125 --> 00:36:44,208
- [Edsel] You bought all of it?
- All of it.
817
00:36:44,208 --> 00:36:47,041
I mean, that's a lot of sugar
and a lot of money.
818
00:36:47,041 --> 00:36:49,250
And you don't play with El Sucre.
819
00:36:49,250 --> 00:36:51,916
- It's going to work.
- It already has.
820
00:36:52,708 --> 00:36:53,791
[Edsel] Let me see.
821
00:36:56,583 --> 00:37:00,416
No smoke out of the stacks.
They're not making anything.
822
00:37:01,041 --> 00:37:02,083
Oh, this is good.
823
00:37:02,083 --> 00:37:04,583
[smooth jazz music playing]
824
00:37:04,583 --> 00:37:06,708
This is very good.
825
00:37:07,208 --> 00:37:08,958
- [dramatic sting]
- [gasps]
826
00:37:11,291 --> 00:37:14,708
- Are you okay, ma'am?
- Of course. Did you find us any sugar?
827
00:37:14,708 --> 00:37:16,625
I might have something better.
828
00:37:16,625 --> 00:37:20,375
It's an artificial sweetener.
They call it Carcin-O-Sweet.
829
00:37:20,375 --> 00:37:22,833
A thousand times sweeter than sugar.
830
00:37:22,833 --> 00:37:25,750
But the health problems
are off the charts.
831
00:37:25,750 --> 00:37:29,375
Darty eyes, gout,
tongue loss, night terrors, night sweats,
832
00:37:29,375 --> 00:37:31,916
and, our old friend, buttock rashes.
833
00:37:31,916 --> 00:37:33,041
Stop.
834
00:37:35,875 --> 00:37:37,583
Okay. Uh, what about this?
835
00:37:37,583 --> 00:37:40,000
What if we completely change direction?
836
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:41,291
Eliminate all sugar.
837
00:37:41,291 --> 00:37:44,958
Become the first
healthy lifestyle breakfast brand.
838
00:37:44,958 --> 00:37:47,083
Make a negative a positive.
839
00:37:47,875 --> 00:37:49,083
For the children.
840
00:37:49,083 --> 00:37:51,708
Imagine a new American generation,
841
00:37:52,666 --> 00:37:55,750
fit, healthy, even-tempered.
842
00:37:55,750 --> 00:37:57,791
So, what do you think?
843
00:37:57,791 --> 00:37:59,166
- [grunts]
- [body thuds on floor]
844
00:38:01,291 --> 00:38:02,541
[typewriter thuds on floor]
845
00:38:04,208 --> 00:38:06,500
[cheerful music playing]
846
00:38:07,083 --> 00:38:07,958
[both] Mmm.
847
00:38:08,750 --> 00:38:10,083
[dog barking]
848
00:38:10,750 --> 00:38:14,250
[suspicious music playing]
849
00:38:22,208 --> 00:38:23,333
- [dramatic sting]
- [gasps]
850
00:38:23,333 --> 00:38:26,791
- Something I can help you with?
- No, I was just admiring your rig.
851
00:38:26,791 --> 00:38:27,708
Sweet ride.
852
00:38:27,708 --> 00:38:28,958
Sure is.
853
00:38:29,666 --> 00:38:32,375
You know, it's the calcium
in milk that keeps bones strong.
854
00:38:32,375 --> 00:38:35,166
- Uh-huh.
- Without milk, bones can break.
855
00:38:35,166 --> 00:38:36,916
They just snap.
856
00:38:37,416 --> 00:38:40,041
- Have a good day, Mr. Cabana.
- Yeah. You... you too.
857
00:38:42,416 --> 00:38:43,375
{\an8}[pensive music playing]
858
00:38:43,375 --> 00:38:46,041
{\an8}[Bob] We don't have much time.
How close are the taste pilots?
859
00:38:46,041 --> 00:38:47,333
They're very, very far away.
860
00:38:47,333 --> 00:38:50,458
Maybe they're so far away
they're closer than they realize.
861
00:38:50,458 --> 00:38:51,458
[sighs]
862
00:38:51,458 --> 00:38:53,250
I don't think he listens to you.
863
00:38:53,833 --> 00:38:55,750
- [Stan] What's that?
- I said that--
864
00:38:55,750 --> 00:38:57,250
[Bob] Okay, Steve, showtime.
865
00:38:57,250 --> 00:39:00,916
I haven't been able
to come up with any food things per se.
866
00:39:00,916 --> 00:39:03,708
But I built this new Sting-Ray bike
867
00:39:03,708 --> 00:39:07,041
that's smaller and easier
for a kid to handle.
868
00:39:07,041 --> 00:39:08,041
What?
869
00:39:08,041 --> 00:39:08,958
[bike bell ringing]
870
00:39:08,958 --> 00:39:12,125
It doesn't matter what you make.
It matters what you call it.
871
00:39:12,125 --> 00:39:15,791
Which is why we should call
our new product Kellogg's Puss.
872
00:39:16,625 --> 00:39:19,166
Is that an ice cream cake of me?
873
00:39:19,166 --> 00:39:20,208
Yes.
874
00:39:20,208 --> 00:39:23,291
- I see no wasted time here.
- You got the nose right.
875
00:39:23,875 --> 00:39:25,291
Well, in addition to our mission,
876
00:39:25,291 --> 00:39:29,125
I realized that I was on the wrong track
pants-wise until a friend set me straight.
877
00:39:29,125 --> 00:39:32,500
That's why I invented
the Kellogg's Sauna Suit,
878
00:39:32,500 --> 00:39:36,833
foil-lined inflatable weight-loss pants
that lock in heat and moisture
879
00:39:36,833 --> 00:39:40,416
and say to the world,
"Hey, eyes up here, not down there."
880
00:39:41,333 --> 00:39:43,083
[suit pops, whistles]
881
00:39:43,083 --> 00:39:45,166
Inspired by his ravioli,
882
00:39:45,166 --> 00:39:50,083
we have crimped the pastry edge square
to hold the jelly in.
883
00:39:50,083 --> 00:39:53,541
- That's something.
- I call it the Kellogg's Fruit Monkey.
884
00:39:53,541 --> 00:39:54,541
[exclaims]
885
00:39:55,125 --> 00:39:56,333
[Bob] Ah.
886
00:39:56,333 --> 00:39:57,541
[suspenseful music playing]
887
00:39:57,541 --> 00:39:58,750
- [Stan] Ooh.
- Whoa.
888
00:39:58,750 --> 00:40:01,166
What do you do? Why is it moving?
889
00:40:01,166 --> 00:40:03,541
[in Italian] I made Sea-Monkey ravioli.
890
00:40:03,541 --> 00:40:06,916
- They put the Sea-Monkeys inside.
- I said strawberries, you fool.
891
00:40:06,916 --> 00:40:09,416
Uh-oh, SpaghettiOs.
892
00:40:09,916 --> 00:40:12,833
I've entered all the data
into UNIVAC to analyze.
893
00:40:12,833 --> 00:40:14,250
[music crescendoes, ends]
894
00:40:16,208 --> 00:40:17,125
"Post wins."
895
00:40:18,333 --> 00:40:19,166
[sighs]
896
00:40:19,166 --> 00:40:22,166
I didn't need
a million-dollar abacus to tell me that.
897
00:40:23,125 --> 00:40:24,041
It's garbage.
898
00:40:25,041 --> 00:40:26,083
All garbage.
899
00:40:26,625 --> 00:40:28,625
[melancholic music playing]
900
00:40:30,500 --> 00:40:33,291
- Now what?
- Now what? You were my now what.
901
00:40:33,291 --> 00:40:36,416
These guys were your now what.
You tell me now what.
902
00:40:36,416 --> 00:40:38,208
[Steve] So, are we done?
903
00:40:38,708 --> 00:40:41,416
I just moved my whole family here.
904
00:40:41,416 --> 00:40:43,333
My... my wife is in a reading group.
905
00:40:43,333 --> 00:40:44,625
She chose the book.
906
00:40:44,625 --> 00:40:46,833
I was going to the moon, Schwinn.
907
00:40:46,833 --> 00:40:48,416
I was going to Argentina.
908
00:40:50,083 --> 00:40:51,208
[Bob exhales]
909
00:40:58,500 --> 00:40:59,833
- [clatters]
- [boy] Ow!
910
00:40:59,833 --> 00:41:01,541
Oh, hi, Mr. Cabana.
911
00:41:01,541 --> 00:41:03,625
Butchie, Cathy,
what are you guys doing here?
912
00:41:03,625 --> 00:41:05,583
Why-- Why aren't you
in the Post dumpsters?
913
00:41:05,583 --> 00:41:08,125
They started spraying
coyote urine to keep us out.
914
00:41:08,125 --> 00:41:11,625
Oh, that's a shame. Well, you won't find
anything good in our trash.
915
00:41:11,625 --> 00:41:14,166
- Oh yeah? Look at this.
- What is that?
916
00:41:14,166 --> 00:41:16,666
It's stale Rice Krispies
and melted marshmallows.
917
00:41:16,666 --> 00:41:17,875
It's a treat.
918
00:41:17,875 --> 00:41:20,333
You know, Bob,
we've been through this before.
919
00:41:20,333 --> 00:41:24,166
When you're dealing with garbage, you have
to let go of conventional expectation.
920
00:41:24,166 --> 00:41:26,083
Just combine whatever you have.
921
00:41:26,083 --> 00:41:28,708
You kids sure get philosophical
in these dumpsters.
922
00:41:35,708 --> 00:41:37,333
Combine whatever you have.
923
00:41:39,916 --> 00:41:42,416
- [dramatic music building]
- [bike bell ringing]
924
00:41:44,208 --> 00:41:45,458
- [gasps]
- [music stops]
925
00:41:47,166 --> 00:41:49,125
Boy, they don't pull any punches.
926
00:41:49,125 --> 00:41:51,583
- You ever eaten garbage, Stan?
- Sure.
927
00:41:51,583 --> 00:41:55,166
You let go of all your expectations
and just combine whatever you have.
928
00:41:55,666 --> 00:41:57,000
Let me show you something.
929
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,000
Chef Boyardee and Sea-Monkey Guy,
930
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:04,458
the clever crimping
of the pastry edge to seal in the filling.
931
00:42:04,458 --> 00:42:07,208
Tom Carvel, the importance of the name.
932
00:42:07,208 --> 00:42:08,708
Okay. Okay.
933
00:42:09,291 --> 00:42:11,166
So, Jack LaLanne,
934
00:42:11,166 --> 00:42:14,416
metal-lined hot pants,
keeping his fruits moist and fresh.
935
00:42:14,416 --> 00:42:15,958
[Bob] Yes. UNIVAC.
936
00:42:15,958 --> 00:42:18,750
The punch cards,
rectangular shape with holes in it.
937
00:42:18,750 --> 00:42:21,375
And Steve Schwinn, sweet little Steve,
938
00:42:21,375 --> 00:42:24,041
who invents things
that are easy for kids to handle.
939
00:42:24,041 --> 00:42:26,250
And maybe they can't handle an oven.
940
00:42:26,250 --> 00:42:29,250
- But they can handle a toaster.
- A toaster.
941
00:42:29,250 --> 00:42:30,250
[snaps fingers] Yah!
942
00:42:30,250 --> 00:42:32,333
Which means two-per-foil pack...
943
00:42:32,333 --> 00:42:33,333
[chalk scribbling]
944
00:42:33,333 --> 00:42:34,541
...rectangular shape,
945
00:42:35,125 --> 00:42:36,250
crimped edges,
946
00:42:36,250 --> 00:42:37,416
fruit-filled,
947
00:42:38,208 --> 00:42:39,291
and a catchy name.
948
00:42:39,291 --> 00:42:40,458
Press the handle down.
949
00:42:41,125 --> 00:42:42,041
[gasps]
950
00:42:42,666 --> 00:42:46,333
Stan, my friend, I believe
we have split the atom of breakfast.
951
00:42:46,333 --> 00:42:49,500
[epic music plays]
952
00:42:49,500 --> 00:42:51,708
["The Twist" by Chubby Checker playing]
953
00:42:52,250 --> 00:42:54,083
♪ Let's do the twist ♪
954
00:42:54,083 --> 00:42:55,666
[vocalizing]
955
00:42:55,666 --> 00:42:58,250
♪ Come on, baby ♪
956
00:42:58,250 --> 00:42:59,958
♪ Let's do the twist ♪
957
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:02,541
♪ Take me by my little hand... ♪
958
00:43:02,541 --> 00:43:03,625
[blowing raspberry]
959
00:43:04,458 --> 00:43:06,166
♪ And go like this ♪
960
00:43:06,958 --> 00:43:09,333
♪ E-yah twist ♪
961
00:43:09,958 --> 00:43:11,458
♪ Baby, baby, twist... ♪
962
00:43:11,458 --> 00:43:13,333
That Carvel does a pretty good twist.
963
00:43:13,333 --> 00:43:17,125
- That's how his ice cream comes out.
- Seems lewd, animalistic.
964
00:43:17,125 --> 00:43:20,250
- Girls love guys that can do the twist.
- Why?
965
00:43:20,250 --> 00:43:23,208
The shoulder motion
in opposition to the hip rotation.
966
00:43:23,208 --> 00:43:24,958
It implies financial stability.
967
00:43:24,958 --> 00:43:26,833
- [Bob] Mmm.
- Oh.
968
00:43:27,791 --> 00:43:31,041
You know, Boyardee,
our Sea-Monkey creation is evolving.
969
00:43:31,041 --> 00:43:33,333
I put him in an aquarium and he swam.
970
00:43:33,875 --> 00:43:34,708
So happy.
971
00:43:34,708 --> 00:43:37,166
It's a miracle. He's a real boy.
972
00:43:37,166 --> 00:43:38,333
[chuckling]
973
00:43:38,333 --> 00:43:40,833
[in Italian] Whatever he is,
he belongs in a can.
974
00:43:40,833 --> 00:43:42,500
[laughs]
975
00:43:42,500 --> 00:43:45,333
So how close are we
to an edible prototype?
976
00:43:45,333 --> 00:43:48,541
I can tell you when
we're not gonna have it, tomorrow morning.
977
00:43:48,541 --> 00:43:50,666
- I need a pants chug! Whoo!
- [clinking]
978
00:43:50,666 --> 00:43:53,916
[all chanting] Pants chug!
Pants chug! Pants chug!
979
00:43:53,916 --> 00:43:55,625
[all cheering]
980
00:43:58,166 --> 00:44:00,000
[curious music playing]
981
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:01,291
[mumbles]
982
00:44:03,833 --> 00:44:04,750
[clinking]
983
00:44:04,750 --> 00:44:06,833
[dramatic music playing]
984
00:44:12,125 --> 00:44:13,208
[yelling]
985
00:44:14,625 --> 00:44:15,708
[squeaking]
986
00:44:15,708 --> 00:44:18,166
- [dramatic music crescendoes]
- [grunts angrily]
987
00:44:18,875 --> 00:44:21,208
[smooth jazz music playing]
988
00:44:23,333 --> 00:44:27,125
Sugar. We need sugar, Ludwin.
What did the Hawaiians say?
989
00:44:27,125 --> 00:44:29,541
They need everything
they have for those pineapple rings.
990
00:44:29,541 --> 00:44:31,666
- Sugar Ray Robinson?
- No, just a nickname.
991
00:44:31,666 --> 00:44:33,875
- Really?
- If only we could get to Cuba.
992
00:44:33,875 --> 00:44:36,750
Cuba? I know who may be able to help.
993
00:44:37,375 --> 00:44:40,458
But he's a short, ill-tempered
bald man with a twisted mind.
994
00:44:40,458 --> 00:44:43,208
- Uncle Fester?
- No. But I like that show.
995
00:44:43,208 --> 00:44:44,750
Pack your bags, Ludwin.
996
00:44:44,750 --> 00:44:46,583
We're going to Moscow.
997
00:44:46,583 --> 00:44:48,833
[patriotic song playing]
998
00:44:50,583 --> 00:44:52,083
[tires screeching]
999
00:44:58,833 --> 00:44:59,875
[song ends]
1000
00:44:59,875 --> 00:45:04,458
Thank you so much for helping us
with our little sugar problem, Nikita.
1001
00:45:04,458 --> 00:45:06,750
[speaking gibberish in Russian accent]
1002
00:45:06,750 --> 00:45:09,791
He wants badly know,
how hold up deal on your end?
1003
00:45:09,791 --> 00:45:13,250
Now, you asked
for a fun American-style children's cereal
1004
00:45:13,250 --> 00:45:15,666
for Soviet Russia, and we heard you.
1005
00:45:15,666 --> 00:45:17,791
But we're not listening
or spying or anything.
1006
00:45:18,416 --> 00:45:22,250
[inhales deeply] It's no secret
Russian children like beets.
1007
00:45:22,250 --> 00:45:23,708
So they'll love
1008
00:45:24,708 --> 00:45:25,750
Borscht Loops.
1009
00:45:25,750 --> 00:45:27,833
[whimsical music playing]
1010
00:45:28,666 --> 00:45:30,208
Okay. Next up,
1011
00:45:30,791 --> 00:45:31,958
Krumb-Lins.
1012
00:45:31,958 --> 00:45:33,166
Nothing but crumbs.
1013
00:45:34,500 --> 00:45:35,541
[Marjorie] And, finally,
1014
00:45:35,541 --> 00:45:39,708
say hello to everyone's favorite
liquor-based cereal treat,
1015
00:45:40,333 --> 00:45:42,250
Count Vodkulas.
1016
00:45:42,250 --> 00:45:44,791
[in Eastern European accent]
"I want to eat your cereal."
1017
00:45:44,791 --> 00:45:45,958
[whispering] Shut up.
1018
00:45:46,458 --> 00:45:47,791
Would you like to try one?
1019
00:45:47,791 --> 00:45:48,833
Hmm.
1020
00:45:49,375 --> 00:45:50,750
[box ripping open]
1021
00:45:51,708 --> 00:45:52,666
You taste first.
1022
00:45:53,625 --> 00:45:55,791
People try to poison Mr. Khrushchev.
1023
00:45:57,083 --> 00:45:57,916
Try it, Ludwin.
1024
00:45:58,666 --> 00:46:00,875
But this has been out
of our sight since customs.
1025
00:46:00,875 --> 00:46:01,958
Eat it.
1026
00:46:01,958 --> 00:46:04,041
[suspenseful music playing]
1027
00:46:05,333 --> 00:46:06,666
[crunching]
1028
00:46:10,250 --> 00:46:11,291
Mmm.
1029
00:46:12,541 --> 00:46:14,125
[speaking gibberish in Russian accent]
1030
00:46:14,125 --> 00:46:15,083
Is deal.
1031
00:46:15,083 --> 00:46:18,708
Terrific. When can we expect
our first sugar shipment?
1032
00:46:18,708 --> 00:46:21,875
[speaking gibberish in Russian accent]
1033
00:46:21,875 --> 00:46:25,375
He says it all depends on
whether you make the sex with him tonight.
1034
00:46:25,375 --> 00:46:26,333
Wow.
1035
00:46:27,500 --> 00:46:28,916
- Ma'am.
- Mm-hmm.
1036
00:46:28,916 --> 00:46:31,291
- We really need that sugar.
- You wanna do it?
1037
00:46:31,291 --> 00:46:34,166
No. But I ate the poison cereal
and I'm fine.
1038
00:46:36,083 --> 00:46:37,541
[inhales sharply] Oh.
1039
00:46:37,541 --> 00:46:39,166
[cheerful music playing]
1040
00:46:41,333 --> 00:46:42,250
[dramatic sting]
1041
00:46:43,416 --> 00:46:45,416
[suspicious music playing]
1042
00:46:52,083 --> 00:46:53,583
- [Mike] Quick question.
- [gasps]
1043
00:46:53,583 --> 00:46:55,458
You think this milk's still okay to drink?
1044
00:46:55,458 --> 00:46:57,541
- What? How would I know?
- [Mike] Smell it.
1045
00:46:57,541 --> 00:46:59,083
[sniffs, groans]
1046
00:46:59,083 --> 00:47:00,083
It's not good.
1047
00:47:00,666 --> 00:47:02,125
What's the expiration?
1048
00:47:02,125 --> 00:47:03,208
[body thuds on ground]
1049
00:47:03,791 --> 00:47:05,333
[in high-pitched voice] July 3rd.
1050
00:47:06,333 --> 00:47:07,500
[cowbell clanging]
1051
00:47:08,416 --> 00:47:11,125
[suspenseful music playing]
1052
00:47:18,750 --> 00:47:19,666
Rise and shine.
1053
00:47:20,583 --> 00:47:21,750
[cowbell clanging]
1054
00:47:25,791 --> 00:47:29,083
Welcome to Friendly Farms, Mr. Cabana,
1055
00:47:29,083 --> 00:47:31,833
where life begins.
1056
00:47:33,041 --> 00:47:35,041
[sinister music playing]
1057
00:47:37,916 --> 00:47:41,416
That milk you smelled
expired five weeks ago.
1058
00:47:42,083 --> 00:47:43,375
Another minute,
1059
00:47:43,375 --> 00:47:45,625
and you wouldn't be smelling
anything right now.
1060
00:47:45,625 --> 00:47:49,333
- Are you a milkman?
- The name's Harry Friendly.
1061
00:47:50,375 --> 00:47:52,458
And you might say I am the milkman.
1062
00:47:53,833 --> 00:47:57,125
You know the first taste
a human being experiences at birth?
1063
00:47:57,625 --> 00:47:59,208
- Applesauce?
- Oh.
1064
00:48:00,583 --> 00:48:02,458
Milk, Mr. Cabana.
1065
00:48:02,458 --> 00:48:03,375
Right.
1066
00:48:03,375 --> 00:48:07,416
And in the milk business, we are not
just part of the American dream.
1067
00:48:07,416 --> 00:48:10,416
We are the white
in the red, white, and blue.
1068
00:48:10,416 --> 00:48:14,166
We are the cream
that rises so famously to the top,
1069
00:48:14,166 --> 00:48:16,750
and you, Mr. Cabana,
1070
00:48:16,750 --> 00:48:22,000
have become the annoying white ring
that sticks to the bottom.
1071
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,291
Because despite all your years
in the breakfast game,
1072
00:48:24,291 --> 00:48:26,375
you seem to have missed something.
1073
00:48:26,375 --> 00:48:27,666
[inhales deeply]
1074
00:48:28,208 --> 00:48:30,833
There's no cereal business without us.
1075
00:48:30,833 --> 00:48:34,500
So you can see
how it really frosts my huevos
1076
00:48:34,500 --> 00:48:39,000
to see you relieving yourself
in our flowing rivers of white gold.
1077
00:48:40,083 --> 00:48:41,666
How long we known each other, Bob?
1078
00:48:41,666 --> 00:48:44,041
[smacks lips, inhales]
Since you captured me.
1079
00:48:44,041 --> 00:48:44,958
Oh.
1080
00:48:44,958 --> 00:48:46,000
What to do?
1081
00:48:48,250 --> 00:48:49,083
What to do?
1082
00:48:50,291 --> 00:48:54,458
Ah! Just so you don't forget
about me and the boys here,
1083
00:48:54,458 --> 00:48:55,833
walk him down the aisle.
1084
00:48:55,833 --> 00:48:57,291
He's a family man, sir.
1085
00:48:57,291 --> 00:48:58,875
I said the aisle!
1086
00:48:58,875 --> 00:49:02,250
The aisle? What's the aisle?
Like in a movie theater or a concert hall?
1087
00:49:02,250 --> 00:49:04,625
Oh, there's gonna be a concert. [laughs]
1088
00:49:04,625 --> 00:49:06,041
[dramatic music plays]
1089
00:49:06,041 --> 00:49:07,541
- [Bob grunts]
- [cow mooing]
1090
00:49:09,750 --> 00:49:11,208
[flies buzzing]
1091
00:49:11,208 --> 00:49:13,041
[dramatic music builds]
1092
00:49:14,208 --> 00:49:15,916
[cows farting]
1093
00:49:16,458 --> 00:49:17,833
[holds breath]
1094
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:20,000
[screaming]
1095
00:49:21,416 --> 00:49:22,833
- [Bob's wife] Bob?
- [shower running]
1096
00:49:22,833 --> 00:49:24,166
[Bob] One more minute.
1097
00:49:24,166 --> 00:49:26,875
Honey, you've been
in there for over an hour.
1098
00:49:26,875 --> 00:49:28,583
I'm sure you're clean.
1099
00:49:28,583 --> 00:49:29,875
[Bob] But my mind!
1100
00:49:30,458 --> 00:49:32,875
How do I wash it out of my mind?
1101
00:49:34,250 --> 00:49:36,833
And how is my baby today?
1102
00:49:36,833 --> 00:49:39,041
Daddy brought breakfast, my yum-yum.
1103
00:49:40,458 --> 00:49:42,833
[suspicious music playing]
1104
00:49:42,833 --> 00:49:45,375
[dramatic music plays]
1105
00:49:45,375 --> 00:49:48,958
It's gone. What have you done with him,
you noodle-sucking garlic knot?
1106
00:49:48,958 --> 00:49:51,708
[in Italian]
I have traditional holiday cake.
1107
00:49:51,708 --> 00:49:53,125
- [faint tapping]
- [gasps]
1108
00:49:53,916 --> 00:49:54,750
He's in the walls.
1109
00:49:54,750 --> 00:49:56,041
[yells, gasps]
1110
00:49:56,041 --> 00:49:57,333
[pasta creature wailing]
1111
00:49:57,333 --> 00:49:58,416
Little one?
1112
00:49:59,250 --> 00:50:00,791
I have fishy food for you.
1113
00:50:01,666 --> 00:50:03,666
[in Italian] Fishy food for you!
1114
00:50:04,583 --> 00:50:05,583
Come and see.
1115
00:50:05,583 --> 00:50:07,625
[sobbing]
1116
00:50:10,333 --> 00:50:12,916
- I didn't know who else to call.
- You did the right thing.
1117
00:50:12,916 --> 00:50:13,958
[gasps]
1118
00:50:15,125 --> 00:50:16,000
[Edsel] Oh.
1119
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:18,541
- Hey, guys.
- What did they do to you?
1120
00:50:18,541 --> 00:50:20,583
They made me walk the aisle.
1121
00:50:20,583 --> 00:50:22,500
- Oh.
- Those lactose lowlifes.
1122
00:50:22,500 --> 00:50:24,750
Well, you're not the only one
to take a hit.
1123
00:50:24,750 --> 00:50:28,708
Our first payment to El Sucre was late,
and somehow he gave me diabetes.
1124
00:50:28,708 --> 00:50:29,833
[Stan] I'm sorry. What?
1125
00:50:29,833 --> 00:50:32,750
Oh yeah. I just came from the doctor.
1126
00:50:32,750 --> 00:50:35,625
Ugh! Look, nobody said
this was gonna be easy.
1127
00:50:35,625 --> 00:50:38,375
We had a day at NASA
where we lost Gus Grissom
1128
00:50:38,375 --> 00:50:40,791
and our best space monkey in one accident.
1129
00:50:41,333 --> 00:50:44,791
And their dental records
were so damn similar
1130
00:50:44,791 --> 00:50:47,291
that it was gonna take weeks to sort out.
1131
00:50:47,291 --> 00:50:49,833
Are... are you telling us
there are monkey parts
1132
00:50:49,833 --> 00:50:53,208
mixed in with the remains
of Commander Gus Grissom?
1133
00:50:53,208 --> 00:50:55,833
- That's classified.
- [Edsel] But you just told us.
1134
00:50:55,833 --> 00:50:58,000
- [Stan] No, I didn't.
- Yeah, you did. You were there--
1135
00:50:58,000 --> 00:50:59,583
- You said it. I--
- Enough.
1136
00:51:00,166 --> 00:51:02,666
Listen, guys, I'm out of the project.
1137
00:51:02,666 --> 00:51:05,958
- What?
- It's too much. It's gone too far.
1138
00:51:05,958 --> 00:51:09,666
And nobody cares about some stupid
heatable breakfast rectangle anyway.
1139
00:51:09,666 --> 00:51:12,125
[rumbling]
1140
00:51:13,208 --> 00:51:14,666
- Honey?
- What is going on?
1141
00:51:14,666 --> 00:51:16,041
[chopper blades whirring]
1142
00:51:16,958 --> 00:51:20,250
- Something's landing on the lawn.
- That's gonna ruin your yard.
1143
00:51:21,583 --> 00:51:22,833
[knocking on door]
1144
00:51:24,791 --> 00:51:26,416
- Are you guys Kellogg's?
- [Bob] Yes.
1145
00:51:26,416 --> 00:51:30,041
Orders to bring you to the White House.
The president needs to see you. Let's go.
1146
00:51:30,041 --> 00:51:30,958
Go.
1147
00:51:33,083 --> 00:51:33,958
Can I change?
1148
00:51:33,958 --> 00:51:35,541
- There's no time.
- Ah!
1149
00:51:35,541 --> 00:51:37,625
[dramatic music playing]
1150
00:51:40,875 --> 00:51:41,750
[Bob's wife] Oh!
1151
00:51:41,750 --> 00:51:43,666
[Bob] For the love of God!
1152
00:51:44,166 --> 00:51:45,625
[dramatic music continues]
1153
00:51:48,250 --> 00:51:49,375
[music ends]
1154
00:51:49,375 --> 00:51:53,250
You know, I had political ambitions,
but my mom said I wasn't likable.
1155
00:51:53,250 --> 00:51:56,166
- Your mom sounds like a great lady.
- The best.
1156
00:51:56,916 --> 00:51:58,500
What the hell are you wearing?
1157
00:51:58,500 --> 00:52:00,833
It was all they had for me. It was Taft's.
1158
00:52:00,833 --> 00:52:03,541
William Howard Taft,
first 300-pound president.
1159
00:52:03,541 --> 00:52:06,333
There's a half-eaten Baby Ruth
in the pocket.
1160
00:52:06,333 --> 00:52:08,291
Well, chew it slowly. That's history.
1161
00:52:09,750 --> 00:52:10,625
[door closes]
1162
00:52:10,625 --> 00:52:14,833
- It's good to see you Kellogg's boys.
- I... Never mind.
1163
00:52:14,833 --> 00:52:18,458
Have you fellas ever considered
calling a cereal Jackie O's?
1164
00:52:18,458 --> 00:52:20,916
Just a pitch,
but I think she'd get a kick out of it.
1165
00:52:20,916 --> 00:52:24,125
Thank you, sir. We'll certainly
take a good hard look at that.
1166
00:52:24,125 --> 00:52:27,875
Yeah, I'm kind of in the doghouse since
you-know-who sang "Happy Birthday" to me.
1167
00:52:27,875 --> 00:52:30,166
Anyway, we have been informed
1168
00:52:30,166 --> 00:52:33,708
that those hacks over at Post
are now working with the goddamn Ruskies.
1169
00:52:33,708 --> 00:52:35,625
Well, why would they do that?
1170
00:52:35,625 --> 00:52:39,166
Well, obviously because you nitwits
cut off their sugar supply.
1171
00:52:39,166 --> 00:52:42,583
Now Khrushchev is trying to help them
get it through Communist Cuba.
1172
00:52:42,583 --> 00:52:44,083
Whole damn island is sugarcane.
1173
00:52:44,083 --> 00:52:47,333
The idea of our American children
waking up in the morning
1174
00:52:47,333 --> 00:52:50,125
to a commie breakfast pastry
really burns my britches.
1175
00:52:50,125 --> 00:52:53,750
They were already burning due to the
aforementioned blonde in the sequin dress.
1176
00:52:53,750 --> 00:52:56,500
You have to win.
Are you making any progress?
1177
00:52:56,500 --> 00:52:59,041
- Progress? Show him, Stan.
- Okay.
1178
00:52:59,041 --> 00:53:01,041
[paper rustling]
1179
00:53:01,041 --> 00:53:02,500
It's not to scale, but...
1180
00:53:03,166 --> 00:53:05,291
Astonishing.
What are you guys, five years old?
1181
00:53:05,875 --> 00:53:09,500
Little John-John draws better than that.
And I think something's wrong with him.
1182
00:53:09,500 --> 00:53:13,666
Mr. President, to be perfectly honest,
we could really use some help.
1183
00:53:13,666 --> 00:53:15,000
Let me get this straight.
1184
00:53:15,500 --> 00:53:18,625
- Did you ask me what I could do for you?
- Well--
1185
00:53:18,625 --> 00:53:21,708
Because I thought I made it
perfectly clear in my inaugural address--
1186
00:53:21,708 --> 00:53:23,166
- You did.
- Great speech.
1187
00:53:23,166 --> 00:53:27,375
"Ask not." What could be clearer?
It's two words. It means don't ask.
1188
00:53:27,375 --> 00:53:30,791
So, not asking, but how about a story?
1189
00:53:31,375 --> 00:53:32,583
Once upon a time,
1190
00:53:32,583 --> 00:53:35,750
there was a really nice cereal company
1191
00:53:35,750 --> 00:53:38,750
that had a problem with organized milk.
1192
00:53:38,750 --> 00:53:41,375
Okay, I get it.
I will instruct my brother Bobby
1193
00:53:41,375 --> 00:53:43,375
to tighten the screws
on those cow huggers.
1194
00:53:43,375 --> 00:53:44,750
But not because you asked.
1195
00:53:44,750 --> 00:53:48,625
We won't let you down, Mr. President.
We're gonna do for you like you said.
1196
00:53:49,208 --> 00:53:50,291
- Oy vey.
- [intercom buzzes]
1197
00:53:50,291 --> 00:53:52,541
[secretary] Sir,
your next appointment is here.
1198
00:53:53,250 --> 00:53:55,250
- Uh, who is it?
- [secretary] The Doublemint Twins.
1199
00:53:57,958 --> 00:54:00,250
- In the, uh, outfits?
- Ew.
1200
00:54:00,250 --> 00:54:02,791
[secretary] Yes, Mr. President.
They are in the outfits.
1201
00:54:02,791 --> 00:54:06,708
Gentlemen, if you will excuse me,
it's time for an, uh, executive privilege.
1202
00:54:08,375 --> 00:54:10,625
- May I keep this?
- Ask not.
1203
00:54:11,250 --> 00:54:12,083
Right.
1204
00:54:12,666 --> 00:54:15,333
I assume Jackie's still out buying hats?
1205
00:54:15,333 --> 00:54:19,041
["I'll Be Around"
by Johnny Copeland playing]
1206
00:54:19,041 --> 00:54:20,666
I tried to raise them up.
1207
00:54:21,583 --> 00:54:22,791
I brought them Lear.
1208
00:54:23,708 --> 00:54:27,875
- And they shooed me out, like a fowl wind.
- Well, it doesn't bother me.
1209
00:54:27,875 --> 00:54:31,375
Trouble keeps me in business.
I love other people's anguish.
1210
00:54:31,958 --> 00:54:34,958
Shame. I had tickets for opening night.
1211
00:54:37,083 --> 00:54:40,583
- I'm sorry?
- I saw your 12 Angry Men one-man show.
1212
00:54:40,583 --> 00:54:45,166
Oh yes? I felt I never really captured
the anger of men six through nine.
1213
00:54:45,166 --> 00:54:46,666
Profound nonetheless.
1214
00:54:47,875 --> 00:54:48,875
May I?
1215
00:54:49,583 --> 00:54:52,791
- Mike Diamond. Friendly Farms.
- Thurl Ethan Ravenscroft.
1216
00:54:52,791 --> 00:54:56,000
Those, uh, tickets
are nonrefundable, by the way.
1217
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:59,916
Uncouth Kellogg's vulgarians.
Personally, I think their product line
1218
00:54:59,916 --> 00:55:02,291
goes nowhere
without those talented mascots.
1219
00:55:02,291 --> 00:55:03,916
Whoever they are.
1220
00:55:03,916 --> 00:55:05,000
[laughs]
1221
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:06,250
Yeah, they're all pretty good.
1222
00:55:06,250 --> 00:55:10,208
But Tony the Tiger,
he's the rudder on that ship.
1223
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:13,916
Pathetic sugar shills.
1224
00:55:13,916 --> 00:55:15,208
Pathetic, I suppose,
1225
00:55:15,208 --> 00:55:18,375
if 14 straight quarters
of record profits is pathetic.
1226
00:55:18,375 --> 00:55:23,208
Those mascot buffoons won't be getting
their four-finger mitts on any of that.
1227
00:55:23,208 --> 00:55:25,208
Well, now, that would be tragic,
1228
00:55:25,208 --> 00:55:27,416
especially with the kind
of leverage they have.
1229
00:55:27,416 --> 00:55:30,333
None of my business, but I don't think
it'd take much for those mascots
1230
00:55:30,333 --> 00:55:33,416
to show old man Kellogg who's milking who.
1231
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:34,833
Really?
1232
00:55:36,416 --> 00:55:38,333
You think we could-- They could?
1233
00:55:38,333 --> 00:55:42,541
As we milkmen say, "A little cup
of buttermilk with the proper churning
1234
00:55:43,250 --> 00:55:44,916
can become a mighty cheese."
1235
00:55:44,916 --> 00:55:46,166
Is that a fart joke?
1236
00:55:47,333 --> 00:55:48,375
I don't think so.
1237
00:55:49,208 --> 00:55:50,208
Anyway,
1238
00:55:51,666 --> 00:55:52,708
never forget,
1239
00:55:53,708 --> 00:55:54,791
you're great.
1240
00:55:56,250 --> 00:55:58,250
[brooding music playing]
1241
00:56:01,541 --> 00:56:02,791
[news theme music playing]
1242
00:56:02,791 --> 00:56:06,666
Breakfast wars ratcheted up today
as cereal superpower Kellogg's announced
1243
00:56:06,666 --> 00:56:10,291
they too are developing
some sort of toastable whoosie-whatsis.
1244
00:56:10,291 --> 00:56:14,458
Coming up, tensions rise between the US
and Soviets off the coast of Cuba.
1245
00:56:14,458 --> 00:56:17,083
Bobby Kennedy cracks down
on organized milk.
1246
00:56:17,083 --> 00:56:21,208
And the Doublemint Twins
are pregnant with twins of their own,
1247
00:56:21,208 --> 00:56:23,375
as the CBS Evening News continues.
1248
00:56:23,375 --> 00:56:25,750
- [news closing theme plays]
- [director] And we're clear.
1249
00:56:25,750 --> 00:56:28,875
This is a real breakthrough, Corky.
X-ray specs.
1250
00:56:28,875 --> 00:56:30,708
You can see into anything.
1251
00:56:32,250 --> 00:56:33,875
Except my personal drama.
1252
00:56:34,916 --> 00:56:36,416
A lot of tension at home.
1253
00:56:37,666 --> 00:56:39,000
- A lot of tension.
- [sighs]
1254
00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:41,291
Gonna be staying late tonight, Corky.
1255
00:56:43,583 --> 00:56:45,583
{\an8}[dramatic music playing]
1256
00:56:51,333 --> 00:56:52,250
[mic feedback]
1257
00:56:56,833 --> 00:56:58,541
[music crescendoes]
1258
00:56:58,541 --> 00:57:01,166
- I like these. I have astigmatism.
- What is that?
1259
00:57:01,166 --> 00:57:04,833
Well, it's a mismatch
of the focusing elements in the eye.
1260
00:57:04,833 --> 00:57:07,291
- Oh. Because--
- Lots of people have it and don't realize.
1261
00:57:07,291 --> 00:57:09,625
- Really?
- Look through the binoculars.
1262
00:57:09,625 --> 00:57:11,916
- Does it seem clearer?
- No, but it's closer.
1263
00:57:11,916 --> 00:57:13,208
Fellas!
1264
00:57:13,208 --> 00:57:14,208
[exasperated sigh]
1265
00:57:14,208 --> 00:57:17,041
Fruit pastry launch system is go.
1266
00:57:17,041 --> 00:57:19,125
[epic music playing]
1267
00:57:21,250 --> 00:57:23,750
[breathing loudly]
1268
00:57:23,750 --> 00:57:26,083
Isn't this overkill?
Bunkers and space suits?
1269
00:57:26,083 --> 00:57:27,833
All standard NASA protocol.
1270
00:57:27,833 --> 00:57:31,208
Plus we're using titanium foil packets
for the product, just to be safe.
1271
00:57:31,208 --> 00:57:33,500
Steve Schwinn, you are a go
for two in the toaster.
1272
00:57:33,500 --> 00:57:34,958
Two in the toaster.
1273
00:57:34,958 --> 00:57:37,250
[epic music continues]
1274
00:57:42,250 --> 00:57:43,750
[Steve breathing heavily]
1275
00:57:43,750 --> 00:57:45,541
Depress mechanism.
1276
00:57:45,541 --> 00:57:47,166
[Steve] Dingus down.
1277
00:57:47,166 --> 00:57:49,291
- [exhales]
- [man] Monitor coils.
1278
00:57:49,291 --> 00:57:51,041
[coils buzzing]
1279
00:57:51,625 --> 00:57:53,708
- Orange.
- What's happening now?
1280
00:57:53,708 --> 00:57:55,708
- It's toasting, sir.
- Come on.
1281
00:57:55,708 --> 00:57:58,666
I'm switching to manual.
Gonna open her up a little.
1282
00:57:58,666 --> 00:58:00,000
- What's he doing?
- Not safe.
1283
00:58:01,166 --> 00:58:02,166
What's he doing?
1284
00:58:02,166 --> 00:58:03,916
He's changing the settings.
1285
00:58:05,166 --> 00:58:06,083
He's at five.
1286
00:58:06,625 --> 00:58:08,083
Six. Seven.
1287
00:58:08,083 --> 00:58:11,125
- I don't like this.
- [Stan] He's at eight. God, 8.5
1288
00:58:11,125 --> 00:58:13,125
Schwinn, lightly brown, lightly brown.
1289
00:58:13,125 --> 00:58:14,916
- [toaster dings]
- [gasps]
1290
00:58:15,500 --> 00:58:16,541
[Bob exhales sharply]
1291
00:58:16,541 --> 00:58:19,333
Proceed with caution.
Fruit filling may be hot.
1292
00:58:19,875 --> 00:58:21,875
[suspenseful music playing]
1293
00:58:28,458 --> 00:58:29,375
[breathes nervously]
1294
00:58:31,416 --> 00:58:33,500
Well, pop a wheelie.
1295
00:58:33,500 --> 00:58:35,083
We've got a treat!
1296
00:58:35,083 --> 00:58:36,291
- We did it!
- There we go!
1297
00:58:36,291 --> 00:58:38,083
- [laughing]
- Whoo!
1298
00:58:39,250 --> 00:58:41,041
- [oxygen hissing]
- [Steve] Oh!
1299
00:58:41,041 --> 00:58:42,333
Oh! Oh!
1300
00:58:42,333 --> 00:58:44,375
No! [yelps]
1301
00:58:44,375 --> 00:58:45,500
Please, no!
1302
00:58:47,750 --> 00:58:48,625
[whimpering]
1303
00:58:48,625 --> 00:58:50,500
- [exploding]
- [all scream]
1304
00:58:54,791 --> 00:58:56,791
[dramatic music playing]
1305
00:59:08,708 --> 00:59:09,666
[music ends]
1306
00:59:09,666 --> 00:59:13,166
- There's nothing left!
- Wait, over there. What's that?
1307
00:59:13,166 --> 00:59:15,250
[triumphant music playing]
1308
00:59:17,083 --> 00:59:18,041
Is that a man?
1309
00:59:18,041 --> 00:59:20,833
Damn right it is.
It's Steve Schwinn. Steve!
1310
00:59:20,833 --> 00:59:22,625
No. It's me, Chuck.
1311
00:59:22,625 --> 00:59:23,541
Steve blew up.
1312
00:59:23,541 --> 00:59:24,625
[both groan]
1313
00:59:24,625 --> 00:59:26,333
Don't go over there. It's gross.
1314
00:59:26,875 --> 00:59:29,041
What's happening? Where's Steve?
1315
00:59:29,041 --> 00:59:32,708
Steve was vaporized,
but we had a funny mix-up with Chuck.
1316
00:59:32,708 --> 00:59:34,958
[bagpipes playing]
1317
00:59:41,750 --> 00:59:44,833
Grain to grain, cows to milk.
1318
00:59:45,375 --> 00:59:47,958
Some settling in life is to be expected.
1319
00:59:47,958 --> 00:59:50,833
Steve Schwinn, however, never settled.
1320
00:59:51,416 --> 00:59:54,291
[Thurl] Steve was gr-r-reat!
1321
00:59:54,291 --> 00:59:55,541
- He'd like that.
- Yeah.
1322
00:59:55,541 --> 00:59:58,708
He lived his life
like he built his bicycles,
1323
00:59:58,708 --> 01:00:00,458
with little regard for safety.
1324
01:00:00,458 --> 01:00:01,375
[Edsel] Mmm.
1325
01:00:01,375 --> 01:00:05,458
When a man gives the last
full-serving suggestion of himself,
1326
01:00:05,458 --> 01:00:11,458
only then is he truly deserving
to be buried with full cereal honors.
1327
01:00:11,458 --> 01:00:13,541
[people murmuring]
1328
01:00:18,208 --> 01:00:21,250
- Full cereal honors, Mrs. Schwinn.
- That's quite an honor.
1329
01:00:21,250 --> 01:00:23,583
- It's a great honor.
- What is happening?
1330
01:00:23,583 --> 01:00:24,666
[squeaking]
1331
01:00:32,625 --> 01:00:33,708
Did you plan this?
1332
01:00:33,708 --> 01:00:34,708
I don't know.
1333
01:00:36,583 --> 01:00:43,583
- [sighs]
- ♪ Ave Maria ♪
1334
01:00:47,416 --> 01:00:54,375
♪ Gratia plena ♪
1335
01:00:54,375 --> 01:01:01,375
♪ Maria, gratia plena ♪
1336
01:01:01,375 --> 01:01:04,708
♪ Maria, gratia... ♪
1337
01:01:04,708 --> 01:01:06,041
Last bowl, huh?
1338
01:01:06,041 --> 01:01:08,625
♪ ...plena ♪
1339
01:01:08,625 --> 01:01:10,916
♪ Ave ♪
1340
01:01:10,916 --> 01:01:16,625
- ♪ Ave dominus ♪
- [sobbing]
1341
01:01:16,625 --> 01:01:18,166
Why?! [sobbing]
1342
01:01:18,166 --> 01:01:19,458
Who... who was she?
1343
01:01:25,166 --> 01:01:26,291
[clears throat]
1344
01:01:26,291 --> 01:01:27,666
- Snap!
- Crackle!
1345
01:01:28,166 --> 01:01:29,416
- Pop!
- Snap!
1346
01:01:29,416 --> 01:01:30,916
- Crackle!
- Pop!
1347
01:01:32,416 --> 01:01:33,458
What is this?
1348
01:01:33,458 --> 01:01:35,916
It's the prize inside, Mrs. Schwinn.
1349
01:01:35,916 --> 01:01:38,041
It's probably one
of those stick-on tattoos.
1350
01:01:38,041 --> 01:01:39,833
It's not permanent.
Just lasts a couple days.
1351
01:01:39,833 --> 01:01:41,041
- Snap!
- [gasps]
1352
01:01:41,041 --> 01:01:42,583
- Crackle!
- Pop!
1353
01:01:44,000 --> 01:01:45,791
You know, your husband died a hero.
1354
01:01:45,791 --> 01:01:48,666
Isn't this a cereal company?
Why did my husband explode?
1355
01:01:49,708 --> 01:01:50,833
Get me out of here.
1356
01:01:51,333 --> 01:01:53,083
- She's upset.
- She'll get over it.
1357
01:01:53,083 --> 01:01:55,791
Or she may never ever recover
from the loss.
1358
01:01:55,791 --> 01:01:57,625
- [Bob] Hmm.
- Look, there.
1359
01:01:57,625 --> 01:02:00,916
[Bob] The milkmen, Russians,
and the Sucre boys.
1360
01:02:00,916 --> 01:02:02,541
The noose is tightening.
1361
01:02:02,541 --> 01:02:04,833
Speaking of tightening,
is that the Taft candy suit?
1362
01:02:04,833 --> 01:02:07,375
- I took it in. What do you think?
- You're looking for a veto.
1363
01:02:07,375 --> 01:02:08,625
- Do it.
- Veto.
1364
01:02:09,375 --> 01:02:10,208
Fair.
1365
01:02:10,958 --> 01:02:12,250
Mascots, gather.
1366
01:02:13,083 --> 01:02:16,833
We have chafed under the yoke
of Kellogg's exploitation for too long.
1367
01:02:16,833 --> 01:02:19,958
I hear their new space rectangle
doesn't even have a mascot.
1368
01:02:19,958 --> 01:02:22,833
- They're phasing us out.
- Indeed they are, good Crackle.
1369
01:02:22,833 --> 01:02:26,000
And they never cut us in. I ask you this.
1370
01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:27,416
Without our faces,
1371
01:02:27,416 --> 01:02:31,000
without our magic, what have you left?
1372
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:34,125
A cheap bag of horse feed
that we bring to life.
1373
01:02:34,125 --> 01:02:37,750
I say we cry havoc
and let slip the dogs of war.
1374
01:02:37,750 --> 01:02:39,291
Are we getting dogs?
1375
01:02:40,375 --> 01:02:41,916
No, no, simple Snap.
1376
01:02:41,916 --> 01:02:46,500
The time has come for us to go on strike.
1377
01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:49,750
[all] Oh.
1378
01:02:49,750 --> 01:02:52,250
But if we have a dog, should we bring it?
1379
01:02:52,875 --> 01:02:54,625
[groovy song playing]
1380
01:02:54,625 --> 01:02:56,041
You know there's a back seat.
1381
01:02:56,041 --> 01:02:58,625
There's nothing back there.
This is where the action is.
1382
01:03:00,541 --> 01:03:01,833
[crowd clamoring]
1383
01:03:01,833 --> 01:03:03,625
Hey, what's going on over there?
1384
01:03:04,583 --> 01:03:05,916
- Pull over.
- Oh, oh, oh.
1385
01:03:07,583 --> 01:03:08,791
[song ends]
1386
01:03:10,791 --> 01:03:13,875
[JFK on TV] A Russian
military ship has been intercepted
1387
01:03:13,875 --> 01:03:16,041
off the coast of the United States.
1388
01:03:16,041 --> 01:03:20,416
We believe it's illegal Cuban sugar
meant to destabilize a balanced breakfast.
1389
01:03:20,416 --> 01:03:22,541
- I tell you, the wife's a knockout.
- Yeah.
1390
01:03:22,541 --> 01:03:24,750
I got the boys working
on the Jackie O thing.
1391
01:03:24,750 --> 01:03:26,833
Her last name's Kennedy. What's that mean?
1392
01:03:26,833 --> 01:03:29,041
No, the shape of the cereal is an O.
1393
01:03:29,041 --> 01:03:30,791
Cheerios, Oreos, Jackie O's.
1394
01:03:30,791 --> 01:03:31,791
[shushing]
1395
01:03:31,791 --> 01:03:34,125
He's talking about nuclear war,
you idiots.
1396
01:03:34,791 --> 01:03:38,333
[JFK] These spy photos clearly show
some giant nuclear missiles.
1397
01:03:38,333 --> 01:03:39,875
We're not too worried about that.
1398
01:03:39,875 --> 01:03:42,833
But if these ships
aren't immediately turned back,
1399
01:03:42,833 --> 01:03:44,583
I may go ballistic.
1400
01:03:44,583 --> 01:03:47,333
Not necessarily nuclear missile ballistic.
1401
01:03:47,333 --> 01:03:51,500
It's more about how upset I am.
There's two kinds of ballistic.
1402
01:03:51,500 --> 01:03:53,500
There's emotional ballistic,
1403
01:03:53,500 --> 01:03:56,250
and then there's
"everyone dies" ballistic.
1404
01:03:56,250 --> 01:03:57,416
[crowd gasps]
1405
01:03:57,416 --> 01:03:59,875
- All right. That's it.
- Where you going?
1406
01:04:00,666 --> 01:04:02,291
This ends now.
1407
01:04:02,291 --> 01:04:04,125
[JFK] I know my way around a boat.
1408
01:04:04,125 --> 01:04:07,458
I was sickly as a child,
so they got me a dinghy.
1409
01:04:07,458 --> 01:04:09,708
[smooth jazz music playing]
1410
01:04:18,208 --> 01:04:19,791
How did it get this far?
1411
01:04:19,791 --> 01:04:21,875
It's breakfast. Things happen.
1412
01:04:23,458 --> 01:04:26,583
- You know, we built that city right there.
- Inherited.
1413
01:04:27,250 --> 01:04:28,291
Inherited.
1414
01:04:28,291 --> 01:04:30,833
And our bickering threatens to destroy it.
1415
01:04:32,291 --> 01:04:34,375
I've decided to release your sugar.
1416
01:04:36,166 --> 01:04:38,375
I'll tell Khrushchev
not to blow up America.
1417
01:04:39,041 --> 01:04:40,375
Will he listen to you?
1418
01:04:40,875 --> 01:04:44,041
Maybe, if I offer him
something valuable in return.
1419
01:04:44,666 --> 01:04:46,916
Would William Howard Taft's
candy suit work?
1420
01:04:46,916 --> 01:04:49,333
I don't know what that is,
but I'll give it a whirl.
1421
01:04:50,250 --> 01:04:51,333
Give this a whirl.
1422
01:04:51,333 --> 01:04:54,166
["Let's Twist Again"
by Chubby Checker playing]
1423
01:04:54,166 --> 01:04:55,583
♪ Come on, everybody ♪
1424
01:04:55,583 --> 01:04:57,000
What do you think?
1425
01:04:57,000 --> 01:04:58,875
♪ Ah, you're looking good... ♪
1426
01:04:59,416 --> 01:05:00,333
It's feral.
1427
01:05:01,416 --> 01:05:02,666
It's vulgar.
1428
01:05:02,666 --> 01:05:04,333
♪ We're gonna do the twist... ♪
1429
01:05:04,333 --> 01:05:05,250
I like it.
1430
01:05:06,041 --> 01:05:08,000
♪ Come on, let's twist again... ♪
1431
01:05:08,000 --> 01:05:11,333
- Maybe we built these cereal companies...
- Inherited.
1432
01:05:11,333 --> 01:05:14,500
...inherited these two
giant cereal companies
1433
01:05:14,500 --> 01:05:16,291
to get each other's attention.
1434
01:05:16,291 --> 01:05:17,541
Maybe we did.
1435
01:05:17,541 --> 01:05:19,166
♪ Do you remember when things... ♪
1436
01:05:19,166 --> 01:05:20,625
What are you afraid of?
1437
01:05:21,125 --> 01:05:22,000
I'm not afraid.
1438
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:23,833
- [screams] What is that?
- [gasps] What?
1439
01:05:23,833 --> 01:05:25,083
- [chittering]
- [Edsel] Oh!
1440
01:05:25,083 --> 01:05:29,333
That's just some new form of life we made
by accident that we're trying to catch
1441
01:05:29,333 --> 01:05:30,666
so it doesn't reproduce.
1442
01:05:30,666 --> 01:05:32,708
- You made that? Where did it go?
- Eh--
1443
01:05:32,708 --> 01:05:34,375
Anyway, where were we?
1444
01:05:34,375 --> 01:05:35,500
Um...
1445
01:05:36,791 --> 01:05:38,458
Kind of in a weird mood now.
1446
01:05:38,958 --> 01:05:39,833
Wh--
1447
01:05:40,333 --> 01:05:41,375
- [sighs]
- [door closes]
1448
01:05:41,375 --> 01:05:42,916
[whimpers in disappointment]
1449
01:05:43,583 --> 01:05:47,375
[mascots chanting] Oh! Oh! Hey! Hey!
Edsel K has got to pay!
1450
01:05:47,375 --> 01:05:49,375
- What do we want?
- [crowd] Dignity!
1451
01:05:49,375 --> 01:05:51,416
- When do we want it?
- [crowd] Soon!
1452
01:05:51,416 --> 01:05:52,458
[Thurl] What do we want?
1453
01:05:52,458 --> 01:05:55,208
Time to give those
trench-footed fur balls a poodle cut.
1454
01:05:55,208 --> 01:05:57,708
[mascots] There is no lab,
there was no lab!
1455
01:05:57,708 --> 01:05:59,333
Now we know, and that is bad!
1456
01:05:59,333 --> 01:06:02,791
Never mind that. Whoever gets to
the shelves first is gonna win this thing.
1457
01:06:02,791 --> 01:06:04,500
All we need is a name.
1458
01:06:04,500 --> 01:06:08,333
Don't worry. I got a couple of
can't-miss Madison Avenue ad men coming.
1459
01:06:09,041 --> 01:06:10,166
[Thurl] What do we want?
1460
01:06:10,166 --> 01:06:11,250
[music fades]
1461
01:06:11,791 --> 01:06:12,750
[ad man] Kellogg's.
1462
01:06:14,000 --> 01:06:16,208
{\an8}When you hear it, it's more than a name.
1463
01:06:16,208 --> 01:06:19,291
It's the warm embrace of home, of family.
1464
01:06:19,875 --> 01:06:23,250
And where does that family begin?
It begins with two beating hearts.
1465
01:06:23,250 --> 01:06:25,291
- [Edsel] Mmm.
- Like two pastries,
1466
01:06:25,291 --> 01:06:29,416
alone in the dark,
sharing a single foil wrapper.
1467
01:06:31,125 --> 01:06:32,625
Imagine a husband home from work.
1468
01:06:32,625 --> 01:06:35,458
His wife greets him at the door
wearing a satin négligée,
1469
01:06:35,458 --> 01:06:37,125
leads him to the bedroom
1470
01:06:37,125 --> 01:06:39,666
with one flick of a red polished nail...
1471
01:06:41,416 --> 01:06:44,000
she ignites the coiled heat
from a nearby toaster,
1472
01:06:44,000 --> 01:06:48,166
which is also eager
to receive his now warm pastries.
1473
01:06:48,166 --> 01:06:49,416
[clears throat]
1474
01:06:49,416 --> 01:06:51,416
[ad man] Gentlemen, I give you
1475
01:06:51,916 --> 01:06:54,750
- the Jelle Jolie by Martine Margeaux.
- [sensual music plays]
1476
01:06:54,750 --> 01:06:58,541
Uh, you know
we're a kids' cereal company, right?
1477
01:06:58,541 --> 01:06:59,958
If that's all you wanna be.
1478
01:06:59,958 --> 01:07:02,416
I've been in your town for six hours.
You know what I see?
1479
01:07:02,416 --> 01:07:04,750
Dead trees and sad, lonely women.
1480
01:07:04,750 --> 01:07:06,625
I mean, the choice is yours.
1481
01:07:06,625 --> 01:07:08,250
Raisin Bran and irrelevant
1482
01:07:08,875 --> 01:07:11,000
or provocative and revolutionary.
1483
01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:12,791
Who notices dead trees?
1484
01:07:12,791 --> 01:07:14,291
Shut up, Herman.
1485
01:07:14,291 --> 01:07:15,541
Genius at work.
1486
01:07:15,541 --> 01:07:20,541
Also available with a naughty hint
of chocolat, Jelle Jolie Noir.
1487
01:07:20,541 --> 01:07:24,583
And, coming soon, Jelle Jolie Sensual.
1488
01:07:24,583 --> 01:07:27,166
With no packet at all, for those who dare.
1489
01:07:27,958 --> 01:07:29,875
Because his pleasure is also hers.
1490
01:07:29,875 --> 01:07:32,083
- That's not actually true.
- Why not?
1491
01:07:33,666 --> 01:07:38,000
So are we celebrating? Carve up some of
that Midwestern beef you're so famous for?
1492
01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:40,500
Maybe lasso ourselves
some thick-ankled Jelle Jolie
1493
01:07:40,500 --> 01:07:42,708
of our own in this dust bucket of a town?
1494
01:07:42,708 --> 01:07:44,125
Can-- Can we think about it?
1495
01:07:44,125 --> 01:07:47,166
I'd say yes, but I don't think
thinking is your strong suit.
1496
01:07:47,166 --> 01:07:51,583
Tell you what, I'll be retired on a bluff
overlooking Stinson Beach
1497
01:07:51,583 --> 01:07:54,708
while you're still genuflecting
before the god of mediocrity.
1498
01:07:54,708 --> 01:07:57,041
- Roger.
- Glad I left the car running.
1499
01:07:58,375 --> 01:08:00,791
Why are they so mean?
It's just advertising.
1500
01:08:00,791 --> 01:08:02,916
- [Edsel] I don't know.
- [Bob] I don't get it.
1501
01:08:03,625 --> 01:08:04,541
What'd you just say?
1502
01:08:04,541 --> 01:08:06,291
- [tense music playing]
- Uh--
1503
01:08:06,291 --> 01:08:10,458
You will never swim the English Channel
and then drown in champagne.
1504
01:08:10,458 --> 01:08:12,416
No, I wo-- I won't.
1505
01:08:12,416 --> 01:08:14,125
[music intensifies, ends]
1506
01:08:14,125 --> 01:08:16,583
So, where the hell is this Swinson Lake?
1507
01:08:16,583 --> 01:08:18,625
[seductive music playing]
1508
01:08:18,625 --> 01:08:19,916
What'd you just say?
1509
01:08:20,500 --> 01:08:21,750
I think you heard me.
1510
01:08:22,500 --> 01:08:25,041
- Why don't you come work for me?
- Forget it, Florsheim.
1511
01:08:25,041 --> 01:08:26,708
I don't come when I'm called.
1512
01:08:26,708 --> 01:08:27,791
Oh.
1513
01:08:28,333 --> 01:08:29,541
I'll be calling you.
1514
01:08:30,041 --> 01:08:31,000
[gasps]
1515
01:08:31,625 --> 01:08:34,375
- From a pay phone.
- I'll lend you the dime.
1516
01:08:35,791 --> 01:08:37,125
- [ad man] Hmm.
- [Stan] Hmm.
1517
01:08:39,666 --> 01:08:40,625
[inhales deeply]
1518
01:08:40,625 --> 01:08:41,541
Good meeting.
1519
01:08:41,541 --> 01:08:44,458
Now who are we gonna get
to help us sell this thing?
1520
01:08:44,458 --> 01:08:46,291
I might know a couple guys.
1521
01:08:46,291 --> 01:08:47,583
And they're local.
1522
01:08:47,583 --> 01:08:50,333
[Stan] First I think we just wanna
thank you for your time today.
1523
01:08:50,333 --> 01:08:52,958
You're the experts.
But, uh, well, let's get started.
1524
01:08:52,958 --> 01:08:54,750
"Fruit-Magoos." What?
1525
01:08:54,750 --> 01:08:55,791
No.
1526
01:08:55,791 --> 01:08:57,875
-"Heat 'Em Up and Eat 'Em Ups."
- No sale.
1527
01:08:57,875 --> 01:09:00,541
-"Oblong Nibblers." Mmm.
- Tough room.
1528
01:09:00,541 --> 01:09:04,000
- Look, the name is the game, people.
- If we like the name, we'll eat it.
1529
01:09:04,000 --> 01:09:06,125
Do you know if Post has a name for theirs?
1530
01:09:06,125 --> 01:09:09,125
I believe they were going
back and forth between Fresh Flatties
1531
01:09:09,125 --> 01:09:10,458
and Dextrose Dillies.
1532
01:09:10,458 --> 01:09:12,291
- Oh man.
- Mmm, those are both strong.
1533
01:09:12,291 --> 01:09:13,458
[Stan] Give me a minute.
1534
01:09:13,458 --> 01:09:14,916
Hi there. How you doing?
1535
01:09:15,791 --> 01:09:18,708
How about you tell us
what those tasted like?
1536
01:09:18,708 --> 01:09:20,750
The jelly, was it firm?
1537
01:09:20,750 --> 01:09:21,666
Was it oozy?
1538
01:09:22,208 --> 01:09:24,708
Did it coagulate?
[snapping fingers] Come on.
1539
01:09:25,291 --> 01:09:26,333
I'm keeping this.
1540
01:09:27,375 --> 01:09:29,000
I know how to talk to kids.
1541
01:09:29,000 --> 01:09:30,958
[dramatic music playing]
1542
01:09:30,958 --> 01:09:34,750
We need to know the damn pectin content,
or I'll murder your family, your friends!
1543
01:09:34,750 --> 01:09:36,958
- Take it easy.
- I'll drown your grandmother!
1544
01:09:36,958 --> 01:09:39,041
Why are you yelling like my dad?
1545
01:09:39,875 --> 01:09:41,083
[Edsel] I wasn't yelling.
1546
01:09:41,625 --> 01:09:42,666
You're right. I was.
1547
01:09:42,666 --> 01:09:44,166
- It was him.
- [Stan] My God!
1548
01:09:44,166 --> 01:09:45,833
[Cathy] You wanna know the truth?
1549
01:09:45,833 --> 01:09:47,875
I took one bite,
1550
01:09:47,875 --> 01:09:51,041
and it blew the back of my head right off.
1551
01:09:51,041 --> 01:09:54,958
It was the most delicious piece of pastry
I've ever had, and I've had them all.
1552
01:09:54,958 --> 01:09:57,125
Well, you never had ours.
1553
01:09:57,625 --> 01:09:58,625
Give it to her.
1554
01:09:58,625 --> 01:10:00,708
[intriguing music playing]
1555
01:10:04,833 --> 01:10:05,666
Try that.
1556
01:10:06,250 --> 01:10:08,250
[music continues]
1557
01:10:16,791 --> 01:10:17,875
Is this a joke?
1558
01:10:17,875 --> 01:10:18,958
What?
1559
01:10:18,958 --> 01:10:21,583
This tastes like their thing.
You guys made the same thing.
1560
01:10:21,583 --> 01:10:24,541
Everybody makes the same thing.
Coke and Pepsi. Ford and Chevy.
1561
01:10:25,125 --> 01:10:27,333
- The important thing is the name.
- The name.
1562
01:10:27,333 --> 01:10:29,416
- [Butchie screaming]
- The butt machine got Butchie!
1563
01:10:29,416 --> 01:10:30,333
Ah!
1564
01:10:30,333 --> 01:10:31,666
[screaming]
1565
01:10:31,666 --> 01:10:33,000
My Rump Master!
1566
01:10:33,625 --> 01:10:35,250
[dramatic music playing]
1567
01:10:35,250 --> 01:10:36,583
- [beads clattering]
- [body thuds]
1568
01:10:38,500 --> 01:10:41,500
How many, Mr. Cabana?
How many more have to die?
1569
01:10:42,166 --> 01:10:44,875
- Get your hands off me.
- Butchie, are you okay?
1570
01:10:44,875 --> 01:10:47,458
He's fine.
Now, what are we gonna call this thing?
1571
01:10:47,458 --> 01:10:51,541
[magical music playing]
1572
01:10:51,541 --> 01:10:53,875
You've got your name right there.
1573
01:10:53,875 --> 01:10:56,625
The first letter of each word.
1574
01:10:56,625 --> 01:10:58,916
"Toaster Ready Anytime Treat."
1575
01:10:58,916 --> 01:10:59,958
"Put On Plate."
1576
01:11:00,666 --> 01:11:02,083
"Trat Pop."
1577
01:11:02,083 --> 01:11:04,375
Trat Pop. I... I kinda like it.
1578
01:11:04,375 --> 01:11:05,958
Now, that's cool.
1579
01:11:05,958 --> 01:11:08,541
It's a secret code name, like UFO or NASA.
1580
01:11:08,541 --> 01:11:10,750
Or bra, booby restraining apparatus.
1581
01:11:10,750 --> 01:11:14,375
- That is not what it means.
- I have reason to believe otherwise.
1582
01:11:14,375 --> 01:11:15,416
So do I.
1583
01:11:16,250 --> 01:11:17,083
What?
1584
01:11:18,500 --> 01:11:19,583
Trat Pop.
1585
01:11:20,500 --> 01:11:21,916
Let's see how it plays.
1586
01:11:22,500 --> 01:11:24,125
♪ Kellogg's Trat Pop ♪
1587
01:11:24,708 --> 01:11:27,083
♪ Yummy in the morning
Yummy at noon ♪
1588
01:11:27,083 --> 01:11:29,125
♪ Yummy in the evening
And under the moon ♪
1589
01:11:29,125 --> 01:11:31,416
♪ Kellogg's Trat Pop ♪
1590
01:11:31,416 --> 01:11:34,833
♪ Toaster treat
Ready anytime you like to eat ♪
1591
01:11:34,833 --> 01:11:38,125
♪ Put on plate
Your tummy's gonna celebrate ♪
1592
01:11:38,125 --> 01:11:41,416
♪ Yummy, yummy, Kellogg's Trat Pop ♪
1593
01:11:41,416 --> 01:11:42,458
[whirring]
1594
01:11:44,125 --> 01:11:44,958
[Stan] So?
1595
01:11:45,541 --> 01:11:47,083
[Bob] What do you think, EK?
1596
01:11:51,000 --> 01:11:52,375
It's gold.
1597
01:11:52,375 --> 01:11:53,375
[laughing]
1598
01:11:53,375 --> 01:11:56,416
All that's left
is the routine certification
1599
01:11:56,416 --> 01:11:58,916
by FDA rep Mr. Mike Puntz.
1600
01:12:00,416 --> 01:12:02,291
Well, that's the easy part.
1601
01:12:02,291 --> 01:12:03,625
[all laughing]
1602
01:12:03,625 --> 01:12:05,000
[Stan coughing]
1603
01:12:09,250 --> 01:12:10,166
That's nice.
1604
01:12:11,458 --> 01:12:13,333
[Bob] But what about those mascots?
1605
01:12:13,333 --> 01:12:14,791
[Edsel] Already dealt with.
1606
01:12:14,791 --> 01:12:17,041
[vehicles honking]
1607
01:12:17,041 --> 01:12:18,291
Well, Mr. Kellogg,
1608
01:12:18,791 --> 01:12:20,958
I think you'll find this tiger
1609
01:12:21,833 --> 01:12:23,125
has claws.
1610
01:12:27,041 --> 01:12:30,208
[menacing music playing]
1611
01:12:30,208 --> 01:12:32,291
[mascots clamoring]
1612
01:12:33,916 --> 01:12:36,083
- [woman] Let me out!
- [man screaming]
1613
01:12:36,083 --> 01:12:38,166
Give us more, Kellogg!
1614
01:12:39,333 --> 01:12:40,375
[screaming]
1615
01:12:40,375 --> 01:12:44,041
[mascots chanting] Give us more pay!
Give us more pay!
1616
01:12:44,041 --> 01:12:45,583
Cereal mascots,
1617
01:12:45,583 --> 01:12:48,458
and mascot patriots from across the land...
1618
01:12:48,458 --> 01:12:50,166
[mascots cheering]
1619
01:12:50,166 --> 01:12:53,291
...gather ye, gather ye, one and all.
1620
01:12:53,291 --> 01:12:54,750
[all yelling]
1621
01:12:55,958 --> 01:12:58,958
Fortify the perimeter.
I want maximum resistance.
1622
01:12:58,958 --> 01:13:00,958
Send both security guards.
1623
01:13:00,958 --> 01:13:01,916
[receiver clatters]
1624
01:13:01,916 --> 01:13:03,875
- Where the hell is Puntz?
- I don't know.
1625
01:13:03,875 --> 01:13:05,958
- Oh, here we go.
- Good morning, everyone.
1626
01:13:05,958 --> 01:13:07,250
- Morning, Mike.
- Good morning.
1627
01:13:07,250 --> 01:13:09,833
Sorry I'm late. They had me come
through the back like a plumber.
1628
01:13:09,833 --> 01:13:10,916
Let's go.
1629
01:13:10,916 --> 01:13:14,083
- And I am... here?
- Here.
1630
01:13:14,083 --> 01:13:15,833
- Right here.
- Right here. Yeah.
1631
01:13:16,333 --> 01:13:18,208
There you go.
Let me just get you in there.
1632
01:13:18,791 --> 01:13:19,791
[grunts] There we go.
1633
01:13:19,791 --> 01:13:21,000
[all clamoring]
1634
01:13:21,000 --> 01:13:22,208
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
1635
01:13:22,208 --> 01:13:25,291
I have seen angry mobs
gather like this before.
1636
01:13:26,666 --> 01:13:27,666
Where was I?
1637
01:13:28,666 --> 01:13:31,875
Do you know
what they call us from up there?
1638
01:13:31,875 --> 01:13:33,041
[mascot] No, what?
1639
01:13:34,083 --> 01:13:35,083
Felt hobos.
1640
01:13:35,083 --> 01:13:37,000
[mascots jeering]
1641
01:13:37,000 --> 01:13:39,083
And carpet critters.
1642
01:13:39,083 --> 01:13:40,833
[mascots yelling]
1643
01:13:40,833 --> 01:13:43,375
This pen was a gift from a colleague,
1644
01:13:43,375 --> 01:13:45,541
and it was, uh, an accidental gift.
1645
01:13:45,541 --> 01:13:46,875
- [Bob] We don't care.
- So--
1646
01:13:46,875 --> 01:13:50,666
Little Debbie here has treats
and Desenex for any costume rash.
1647
01:13:51,166 --> 01:13:53,666
For it is time to fight.
1648
01:13:53,666 --> 01:13:54,625
[mascots] Yeah!
1649
01:13:54,625 --> 01:13:59,458
Let us show them what happens
when cooler heads do not prevail.
1650
01:13:59,458 --> 01:14:00,416
[mascots cheering]
1651
01:14:00,416 --> 01:14:03,291
- Yeah!
- [yelling]
1652
01:14:03,291 --> 01:14:05,041
Mr. Kellogg, you should see this.
1653
01:14:05,041 --> 01:14:07,916
{\an8}I was told by a prominent
Kellogg's executive
1654
01:14:07,916 --> 01:14:11,458
{\an8}that they had created
a mutant pasta creature by accident.
1655
01:14:11,458 --> 01:14:13,875
{\an8}I wouldn't eat anything
that company makes.
1656
01:14:13,875 --> 01:14:16,541
{\an8}And you're the chairman of Post,
their main competitor?
1657
01:14:16,541 --> 01:14:19,291
[Marjorie] Well, we used to be.
But now that our new product,
1658
01:14:19,291 --> 01:14:22,041
the Post Country Square,
has been certified,
1659
01:14:22,041 --> 01:14:23,375
we'll be number one.
1660
01:14:23,375 --> 01:14:24,875
[dramatic sting]
1661
01:14:24,875 --> 01:14:28,208
They are about to certify
a product that will replace you.
1662
01:14:28,208 --> 01:14:29,416
[mascots] Boo!
1663
01:14:29,416 --> 01:14:30,708
No! No!
1664
01:14:30,708 --> 01:14:32,958
So you had better fight like hell,
1665
01:14:33,625 --> 01:14:37,208
or you're not gonna
have a breakfast anymore!
1666
01:14:37,208 --> 01:14:38,458
[mascots yelling]
1667
01:14:38,458 --> 01:14:40,583
Let the fur fly!
1668
01:14:40,583 --> 01:14:42,000
[mascots] Yeah!
1669
01:14:42,000 --> 01:14:43,208
[all clamoring]
1670
01:14:43,833 --> 01:14:45,458
[horn blowing]
1671
01:14:45,458 --> 01:14:47,875
[yelling, grunting]
1672
01:14:49,958 --> 01:14:51,666
- Get back!
- [mascot grunting]
1673
01:14:55,958 --> 01:14:57,583
[mascot] Go! Go, little elf! Go!
1674
01:14:57,583 --> 01:15:00,125
♪ In the beauty of the lilies ♪
1675
01:15:00,625 --> 01:15:02,750
♪ He was born across the sea ♪
1676
01:15:02,750 --> 01:15:04,291
- [mascot grunts]
- [groans]
1677
01:15:04,916 --> 01:15:07,083
[yelling]
1678
01:15:07,083 --> 01:15:08,125
- [grunts]
- [groans]
1679
01:15:08,125 --> 01:15:10,208
[suspenseful music playing]
1680
01:15:14,875 --> 01:15:15,708
Strawberry.
1681
01:15:15,708 --> 01:15:16,666
[Bob gasps]
1682
01:15:18,125 --> 01:15:20,166
- Ooh, blueberry.
- It's all one flavor, Mike.
1683
01:15:20,166 --> 01:15:23,541
- We just changed the colors.
- They've broken through the perimeter.
1684
01:15:23,541 --> 01:15:24,750
The tiger is pooping.
1685
01:15:24,750 --> 01:15:26,291
[dramatic music playing]
1686
01:15:26,291 --> 01:15:27,791
[mascots clamoring]
1687
01:15:30,833 --> 01:15:33,250
- [mascot 1] Don't let me go!
- [mascot 2] I'll never let you go!
1688
01:15:33,833 --> 01:15:35,083
[mascot 1] We belong together!
1689
01:15:35,083 --> 01:15:36,125
[screaming]
1690
01:15:36,125 --> 01:15:37,958
- [body thuds on ground]
- [mascot 2] No!
1691
01:15:37,958 --> 01:15:39,791
[all yelling]
1692
01:15:45,458 --> 01:15:46,916
Remember this day, boys.
1693
01:15:47,541 --> 01:15:49,583
For this is our company now.
1694
01:15:50,708 --> 01:15:55,416
Snap, Crackle, and Pop, our mission here
is to stop the certification. Hunt Puntz.
1695
01:15:55,416 --> 01:15:57,625
[mascots chanting] Hunt Puntz! Hunt Puntz!
1696
01:15:57,625 --> 01:16:00,083
[Thurl] I love you all.
You're all very special.
1697
01:16:00,083 --> 01:16:01,625
- [mascot grunts]
- [horn toots]
1698
01:16:02,166 --> 01:16:03,541
When can you eat these?
1699
01:16:03,541 --> 01:16:05,041
Is this a meal?
1700
01:16:05,041 --> 01:16:06,250
Is this a snack?
1701
01:16:06,250 --> 01:16:09,250
It's not anything if you don't certify it.
Give me that stamper.
1702
01:16:09,250 --> 01:16:10,833
Oh. [grunting]
1703
01:16:11,625 --> 01:16:13,791
- Don't do it, Bob.
- You don't have the training.
1704
01:16:13,791 --> 01:16:15,583
To do what? This?
1705
01:16:15,583 --> 01:16:16,750
Too late.
1706
01:16:16,750 --> 01:16:18,583
- [Edsel laughing]
- Ha!
1707
01:16:19,166 --> 01:16:21,875
I guess there really
isn't that much to it.
1708
01:16:21,875 --> 01:16:23,458
We are undone, boys.
1709
01:16:23,458 --> 01:16:24,375
[sighs]
1710
01:16:24,375 --> 01:16:26,708
Undone by cruel fate.
1711
01:16:26,708 --> 01:16:27,833
It wasn't fate.
1712
01:16:27,833 --> 01:16:32,083
You had to stop at Woolworth's
for a tooth necklace and Viking horns.
1713
01:16:32,083 --> 01:16:33,791
Be very careful, Crackle,
1714
01:16:33,791 --> 01:16:36,583
or I will take a horn
and joust you in the eye.
1715
01:16:37,375 --> 01:16:38,541
Dignified retreat.
1716
01:16:41,583 --> 01:16:42,833
Open or closed?
1717
01:16:42,833 --> 01:16:43,791
Closed.
1718
01:16:43,791 --> 01:16:45,708
["Cool Jerk" by The Capitols playing]
1719
01:16:45,708 --> 01:16:46,625
Wait up.
1720
01:16:47,208 --> 01:16:50,625
You know,
this really is a terrific product.
1721
01:16:50,625 --> 01:16:51,625
Thank you.
1722
01:16:51,625 --> 01:16:53,000
♪ Cool Jerk... ♪
1723
01:16:55,291 --> 01:16:58,208
"Don't you think you've had
enough to drink tonight, Walter?"
1724
01:16:58,208 --> 01:16:59,458
Not if you keep talking.
1725
01:16:59,458 --> 01:17:03,958
They really outdid themselves with
this one, Corky. It's called Silly Putty.
1726
01:17:03,958 --> 01:17:08,000
It stretches, bounces, and by
some mechanism not yet fully understood,
1727
01:17:08,000 --> 01:17:11,166
captures images of a printed page
when you smoosh it.
1728
01:17:11,166 --> 01:17:13,166
Just getting this now,
a riot at Kellogg's.
1729
01:17:13,166 --> 01:17:14,250
Ooh, let me see that.
1730
01:17:14,250 --> 01:17:16,791
When the ink is fresh,
it works really good.
1731
01:17:17,333 --> 01:17:19,333
[banging]
1732
01:17:20,750 --> 01:17:22,791
I pay the goddamn bills.
1733
01:17:22,791 --> 01:17:26,791
I'll drink as much
as I goddamn want to drink.
1734
01:17:27,875 --> 01:17:30,666
[Walter Cronkite]
Breaking news out of Battle Creek tonight.
1735
01:17:30,666 --> 01:17:33,416
A violent mob of beloved cereal mascots
1736
01:17:33,416 --> 01:17:36,250
attacking their own company
over a new product.
1737
01:17:36,250 --> 01:17:37,500
A product called...
1738
01:17:38,416 --> 01:17:39,583
[paper rustling]
1739
01:17:39,583 --> 01:17:41,500
Having trouble finding my notes here.
1740
01:17:42,458 --> 01:17:44,750
We're all a little rattled by this story.
1741
01:17:44,750 --> 01:17:47,041
Oh well. I guess I could just
1742
01:17:47,041 --> 01:17:48,916
read it off my Silly Putty.
1743
01:17:49,791 --> 01:17:51,250
A product called
1744
01:17:52,000 --> 01:17:53,666
the Pop-Tart.
1745
01:17:55,541 --> 01:17:57,208
- Wha--
- Wh-- What did he just say?
1746
01:17:57,208 --> 01:17:59,916
- He called it a Pop-Tart.
- [Bob] He read it backwards.
1747
01:17:59,916 --> 01:18:01,500
Pop-Tart? It's Trat Pop.
1748
01:18:01,500 --> 01:18:04,708
Not anymore.
Forty million people just heard Pop-Tart.
1749
01:18:04,708 --> 01:18:07,208
That wizard-faced news monkey
screwed it up.
1750
01:18:07,208 --> 01:18:10,250
Isn't Pop-Tart a little too close
to Andy Warhol's pop art?
1751
01:18:10,250 --> 01:18:12,750
- Nobody will make that connection.
- I just did.
1752
01:18:13,958 --> 01:18:15,791
Pop-Tart.
1753
01:18:16,416 --> 01:18:18,000
- I kinda like it.
- Yeah?
1754
01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:19,333
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1755
01:18:19,333 --> 01:18:20,333
No.
1756
01:18:20,333 --> 01:18:21,250
Yeah.
1757
01:18:21,250 --> 01:18:23,625
- Yeah.
- What the hell's the difference?
1758
01:18:23,625 --> 01:18:25,833
Change the boxes
and get 'em on the trucks.
1759
01:18:25,833 --> 01:18:26,833
[Roger] Pop-Tart.
1760
01:18:27,500 --> 01:18:28,583
That's gonna sell.
1761
01:18:28,583 --> 01:18:30,916
["Spirit In The Sky"
by Norman Greenbaum playing]
1762
01:18:30,916 --> 01:18:34,000
♪ When I die and they lay me to rest ♪
1763
01:18:34,000 --> 01:18:37,833
♪ Gonna go to the place that's the best ♪
1764
01:18:38,541 --> 01:18:41,250
♪ When I lay me down to die ♪
1765
01:18:41,250 --> 01:18:45,166
♪ Goin' up to the spirit in the sky ♪
1766
01:18:46,083 --> 01:18:49,750
- ♪ Goin' up to the spirit in the sky ♪
- ♪ Spirit in the sky ♪
1767
01:18:49,750 --> 01:18:53,583
- ♪ That's where I'm gonna go when I die ♪
- ♪ When I die ♪
1768
01:18:53,583 --> 01:18:56,250
♪ When I die and they lay me to rest ♪
1769
01:18:56,250 --> 01:19:00,708
♪ I'm gonna go to the place
That's the best ♪
1770
01:19:04,000 --> 01:19:05,916
[engines revving]
1771
01:19:20,166 --> 01:19:21,333
[song ends]
1772
01:19:21,333 --> 01:19:22,541
[snoring]
1773
01:19:31,333 --> 01:19:32,875
- [phone ringing]
- [gasps]
1774
01:19:33,708 --> 01:19:34,708
[ringing continues]
1775
01:19:37,333 --> 01:19:38,166
Talk to me.
1776
01:19:38,166 --> 01:19:39,833
[breathing heavily]
1777
01:19:39,833 --> 01:19:42,166
What do you mean
you don't have any sales numbers?
1778
01:19:42,875 --> 01:19:44,375
Call me the second you do.
1779
01:19:45,333 --> 01:19:47,875
- What'd they say?
- Some kind of switchboard breakdown.
1780
01:19:47,875 --> 01:19:50,916
All the lines are flooded.
On the damn day we launch.
1781
01:19:50,916 --> 01:19:54,208
All right, all right, calm down.
It might just be a botulism flare-up.
1782
01:19:54,208 --> 01:19:55,625
Oh, I hope it's botulism.
1783
01:19:55,625 --> 01:19:58,375
I just rolled out
five million dollars' worth of Pop-Tarts.
1784
01:19:58,375 --> 01:19:59,666
[phone ringing]
1785
01:20:00,458 --> 01:20:03,291
You better have some numbers for me.
Spit it out!
1786
01:20:03,291 --> 01:20:05,250
[suspenseful music playing]
1787
01:20:05,250 --> 01:20:06,166
What?
1788
01:20:07,250 --> 01:20:09,708
[kids clamoring]
1789
01:20:10,541 --> 01:20:12,541
[screaming]
1790
01:20:14,083 --> 01:20:14,958
[sputters]
1791
01:20:16,083 --> 01:20:17,291
Really?
1792
01:20:17,291 --> 01:20:19,708
[dramatic music playing]
1793
01:20:22,708 --> 01:20:23,791
Oh my God.
1794
01:20:25,083 --> 01:20:26,125
[receiver clatters]
1795
01:20:26,916 --> 01:20:28,291
- [exhales sharply]
- So?
1796
01:20:28,291 --> 01:20:31,166
Did anybody buy the Pop-Tart?
1797
01:20:31,666 --> 01:20:32,666
[chuckles]
1798
01:20:33,458 --> 01:20:35,541
Every store in
the continental United States
1799
01:20:35,541 --> 01:20:38,000
was cleaned out within 60 seconds.
1800
01:20:39,041 --> 01:20:39,875
What?
1801
01:20:39,875 --> 01:20:41,083
[kids screaming]
1802
01:20:41,083 --> 01:20:43,166
[Edsel] It was like a locust attack.
1803
01:20:43,166 --> 01:20:46,041
Kids are doing anything
to get their hands on these Pop-Tarts.
1804
01:20:46,041 --> 01:20:49,083
Six stock boys were bitten.
It's a feeding frenzy.
1805
01:20:49,750 --> 01:20:52,833
It's the name.
No kid wants to be a square.
1806
01:20:52,833 --> 01:20:55,791
And a square from the country? Forget it.
1807
01:20:57,041 --> 01:20:58,375
We got to the moon.
1808
01:20:58,375 --> 01:20:59,875
The breakfast moon.
1809
01:20:59,875 --> 01:21:04,458
These things are the greatest
two rectangles since the Ten Commandments.
1810
01:21:04,458 --> 01:21:05,625
[chuckles]
1811
01:21:07,833 --> 01:21:09,000
Hmm!
1812
01:21:09,000 --> 01:21:10,458
What if we add frosting?
1813
01:21:10,458 --> 01:21:11,500
Ugh.
1814
01:21:11,500 --> 01:21:12,541
- Bad idea.
- Yeah.
1815
01:21:13,416 --> 01:21:16,500
[Bob] So Kellogg's was once again
the king of Battle Creek.
1816
01:21:16,500 --> 01:21:18,833
- And everyone at the company was happy.
- [gavel banging]
1817
01:21:18,833 --> 01:21:20,625
[Bob] Well, maybe not everyone.
1818
01:21:21,125 --> 01:21:25,083
Mr. Ravenscroft, is it true
you are a role model for children?
1819
01:21:25,083 --> 01:21:28,000
Yes, Your... Majesty.
1820
01:21:28,000 --> 01:21:30,333
Well, what kind of role model defecates
1821
01:21:30,333 --> 01:21:33,875
in the hallway of one of America's most
beloved companies and yells out,
1822
01:21:33,875 --> 01:21:34,875
and I quote,
1823
01:21:36,291 --> 01:21:39,541
-"I've got some Kel-logs for you"?
- [people groaning]
1824
01:21:39,541 --> 01:21:40,583
[Thurl] I regret that.
1825
01:21:40,583 --> 01:21:43,791
I had had a very
large bowl of Bran Flakes.
1826
01:21:43,791 --> 01:21:47,000
[Bob] Harold von Braunhut
and Chef Boyardee raised Eric,
1827
01:21:47,000 --> 01:21:49,250
their pasta creature, as their own,
1828
01:21:49,250 --> 01:21:51,250
eventually finding out
they were ill-suited
1829
01:21:51,250 --> 01:21:53,500
to handle a rebellious teen ravioli.
1830
01:21:53,500 --> 01:21:56,541
Eric! I told you
to put the pool cover back on.
1831
01:21:56,541 --> 01:21:58,291
- [Eric] Go to hell.
- [gasps]
1832
01:21:58,291 --> 01:22:02,291
- You hear the way your son talks to me?
- Oh, when he talks back, he's my son?
1833
01:22:02,291 --> 01:22:03,291
[yells]
1834
01:22:03,291 --> 01:22:05,875
Oh, you want to have
this fight again, huh?
1835
01:22:05,875 --> 01:22:09,541
[Bob] Tom Carvel and Jack LaLanne realized
they were both part of the same hypocrisy,
1836
01:22:09,541 --> 01:22:11,833
so they opened stores side by side.
1837
01:22:11,833 --> 01:22:13,916
- I thin 'em out.
- And I pack it back on.
1838
01:22:13,916 --> 01:22:15,333
[both laughing]
1839
01:22:15,333 --> 01:22:17,791
[Bob] UNIVAC was drafted
and shipped to Vietnam,
1840
01:22:17,791 --> 01:22:20,291
where, according to those
who served under him,
1841
01:22:20,291 --> 01:22:22,791
- his ideas became even more unsound.
- [thunder crashing]
1842
01:22:22,791 --> 01:22:23,958
[whirring]
1843
01:22:23,958 --> 01:22:25,375
[UNIVAC] The horror.
1844
01:22:25,375 --> 01:22:28,250
[Bob] After Bobby Kennedy
squeezed the udders on big milk,
1845
01:22:28,250 --> 01:22:31,750
conspiracy theorists pointed
to frame 263 of the Zapruder film,
1846
01:22:31,750 --> 01:22:35,833
which appeared to show someone
delivering milk to a very strange place,
1847
01:22:35,833 --> 01:22:37,333
a grassy knoll.
1848
01:22:37,916 --> 01:22:40,416
Marjorie Post,
one of the first women CEOs,
1849
01:22:40,416 --> 01:22:42,500
became an icon of female empowerment,
1850
01:22:42,500 --> 01:22:45,541
{\an8}ultimately building a lasting monument
to feminism,
1851
01:22:45,541 --> 01:22:47,833
{\an8}which she named Mar-a-Lago.
1852
01:22:47,833 --> 01:22:49,041
{\an8}[bell dings]
1853
01:22:51,208 --> 01:22:53,500
In the end,
Stan vetoed Kellogg's, her career,
1854
01:22:53,500 --> 01:22:55,375
and pretty much the whole culture.
1855
01:22:55,875 --> 01:22:57,958
Stan? You can't park here.
1856
01:22:57,958 --> 01:23:01,583
- You're such a square, man.
- What the hell are you eating?
1857
01:23:01,583 --> 01:23:03,916
Something I invented called granola.
1858
01:23:03,916 --> 01:23:06,458
- And it's gonna bury you!
- [grunts]
1859
01:23:07,583 --> 01:23:08,583
That's not bad.
1860
01:23:09,833 --> 01:23:10,833
Get a job!
1861
01:23:10,833 --> 01:23:14,625
[Bob] Not only was I able to send my kids
to a multi-hundred-dollar college...
1862
01:23:14,625 --> 01:23:18,375
- Nice sod.
- [Bob] ...I had enough left over for sod.
1863
01:23:19,166 --> 01:23:23,083
And thanks to the super success
of the Pop-Tart, even I was famous.
1864
01:23:23,083 --> 01:23:25,333
[audience applauding]
1865
01:23:25,333 --> 01:23:27,958
Nice to meet you, Bob.
Looks like you got a winner here.
1866
01:23:27,958 --> 01:23:32,541
Well, we love breakfast at Kellogg's,
and we felt it was time for something new.
1867
01:23:32,541 --> 01:23:34,833
Mmm. Now, why... why the rectangle shape?
1868
01:23:34,833 --> 01:23:37,250
- Well, the pentagram was taken, Johnny.
- [audience laughs]
1869
01:23:37,250 --> 01:23:38,291
By the devil. [laughs]
1870
01:23:38,291 --> 01:23:40,500
[Bob] Like everything else
in the cereal world,
1871
01:23:40,500 --> 01:23:42,500
there was always a surprise inside.
1872
01:23:42,500 --> 01:23:44,291
- [gun fires]
- [audience screams]
1873
01:23:44,958 --> 01:23:47,500
It's Andy Warhol, creator of pop art.
1874
01:23:47,500 --> 01:23:50,625
Your 15 minutes is up, Cabana.
1875
01:23:51,958 --> 01:23:53,958
Only I can be derivative.
1876
01:23:53,958 --> 01:23:55,333
[panicked chatter]
1877
01:23:57,833 --> 01:24:00,500
[Bob] And thanks
to Stan's titanium foil packet,
1878
01:24:00,500 --> 01:24:01,708
I was okay.
1879
01:24:01,708 --> 01:24:05,250
So I'm to believe
the Pop-Tart packet could stop a bullet?
1880
01:24:05,833 --> 01:24:07,250
I'm here, aren't I?
1881
01:24:07,250 --> 01:24:10,333
And that little ravioli creature,
what the hell was that?
1882
01:24:10,333 --> 01:24:12,541
[bell jingling]
1883
01:24:12,541 --> 01:24:17,625
Ah. I was just having some fun with you.
Anyway, I think someone's here to see you.
1884
01:24:17,625 --> 01:24:20,500
- Mom! Dad!
- Come on, George. It's time to go home.
1885
01:24:21,083 --> 01:24:23,750
All right,
we'll get you those X-ray specs.
1886
01:24:23,750 --> 01:24:24,916
- [George] Yay!
- [laughs]
1887
01:24:24,916 --> 01:24:25,833
Thank you.
1888
01:24:27,000 --> 01:24:27,833
Hey.
1889
01:24:28,500 --> 01:24:29,375
[gasps]
1890
01:24:29,375 --> 01:24:31,375
- [squealing]
- [George] Mom, did you see that?
1891
01:24:31,375 --> 01:24:32,416
- [gasps]
- Come on.
1892
01:24:33,000 --> 01:24:34,416
[George] Wait, what was that?
1893
01:24:34,416 --> 01:24:35,916
["Sweet Morning Heat" playing]
1894
01:24:35,916 --> 01:24:37,833
Steve Schwinn, are you there?
1895
01:24:38,333 --> 01:24:40,291
- [gasps] Oh ****!
- Oh!
1896
01:24:40,916 --> 01:24:43,000
{\an8}♪ But somehow it wasn't ever enough... ♪
1897
01:24:43,000 --> 01:24:46,000
{\an8}What works for us is choo-choo trains
and Snagglepuss.
1898
01:24:46,000 --> 01:24:48,458
{\an8}Yeah, I'll get right to work
on Snagglepuss.
1899
01:24:48,458 --> 01:24:50,333
[Thurl] They're so...
1900
01:24:50,333 --> 01:24:51,833
[bleep]
1901
01:24:53,291 --> 01:24:54,833
{\an8}♪ The moment we connected... ♪
1902
01:24:54,833 --> 01:24:57,625
{\an8}I want Deputy Dawg and Snagglepuss.
1903
01:24:57,625 --> 01:24:59,458
Oh, come on, Marge--
1904
01:24:59,458 --> 01:25:01,166
[all laughing]
1905
01:25:01,166 --> 01:25:04,458
{\an8}♪ I can’t keep myself together
When the heat is hot... ♪
1906
01:25:04,458 --> 01:25:06,083
{\an8}We literally have one job.
1907
01:25:06,083 --> 01:25:07,291
{\an8}[crew laughing]
1908
01:25:07,291 --> 01:25:08,833
{\an8}♪ ...just the way I like it ♪
1909
01:25:08,833 --> 01:25:10,000
{\an8}♪ Please... ♪
1910
01:25:10,583 --> 01:25:11,500
[tongue whipping]
1911
01:25:11,500 --> 01:25:12,791
[gasps]
1912
01:25:14,958 --> 01:25:16,166
{\an8}You wanna go, Carvel?
1913
01:25:16,750 --> 01:25:18,833
{\an8}- [sputters]
- [laughing]
1914
01:25:18,833 --> 01:25:22,500
{\an8}♪ You've got all the lovin' I need ♪
1915
01:25:22,500 --> 01:25:29,125
{\an8}♪ Give me that sweet morning ♪
1916
01:25:29,125 --> 01:25:30,125
♪ Heat ♪
1917
01:25:31,208 --> 01:25:32,375
{\an8}♪ Ooh... ♪
1918
01:25:32,375 --> 01:25:34,750
{\an8}Karajeana.
1919
01:25:34,750 --> 01:25:35,708
No. Karajeana.
1920
01:25:35,708 --> 01:25:37,666
He had a girl named Karajeana.
1921
01:25:37,666 --> 01:25:38,875
[laughs]
1922
01:25:38,875 --> 01:25:40,541
♪ ...reason, uh-uh ♪
1923
01:25:40,541 --> 01:25:43,541
♪ 'Cause you know they all
Just pretty much taste the same ♪
1924
01:25:43,541 --> 01:25:48,458
♪ And nothing ever had a season, uh-uh ♪
1925
01:25:48,458 --> 01:25:51,041
{\an8}♪ Strawberry, Blueberry, Real plain
Those the names ♪
1926
01:25:51,041 --> 01:25:52,125
{\an8}♪ Those the names ... ♪
1927
01:25:52,125 --> 01:25:56,583
{\an8}Fruit flabby... **** fritters,
whatever the **** they're called.
1928
01:25:56,583 --> 01:25:57,500
[crew laughs]
1929
01:25:57,500 --> 01:26:00,916
This is a comedy. I get it. Sorry.
I thought I was trying to win an award.
1930
01:26:00,916 --> 01:26:04,500
♪ I can’t keep myself together
When the heat is hot, come on ♪
1931
01:26:04,500 --> 01:26:06,333
♪ Sprinkles and icing ♪
1932
01:26:06,333 --> 01:26:08,291
{\an8}♪ Just the way I like it ♪
1933
01:26:08,291 --> 01:26:10,166
{\an8}-♪ Please... ♪
- ♪ Please... ♪
1934
01:26:10,166 --> 01:26:12,000
- Give up the tarts, old man!
- [gasps]
1935
01:26:12,000 --> 01:26:13,625
[screaming]
1936
01:26:13,625 --> 01:26:16,625
♪ Yeah, I want it
Every single day of the week... ♪
1937
01:26:16,625 --> 01:26:18,958
Slow down!
1938
01:26:18,958 --> 01:26:20,291
Mike Diamond.
1939
01:26:20,291 --> 01:26:21,458
Frosty Tips.
1940
01:26:21,458 --> 01:26:23,958
No? Frosty Farms. Friendly Farms.
1941
01:26:23,958 --> 01:26:24,916
[crew laughing]
1942
01:26:24,916 --> 01:26:26,041
"Frosty Tips."
1943
01:26:26,041 --> 01:26:27,958
♪ Give me that sweet morning ♪
1944
01:26:27,958 --> 01:26:29,583
♪ Heat ♪
1945
01:26:29,583 --> 01:26:31,916
{\an8}♪ I need food that’s made
By robots, baby ♪
1946
01:26:31,916 --> 01:26:33,708
{\an8}♪ Heat ♪
1947
01:26:33,708 --> 01:26:35,708
{\an8}♪ Not some top chef hot shot lady ♪
1948
01:26:35,708 --> 01:26:37,541
{\an8}-♪ Heat ♪
- ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
1949
01:26:37,541 --> 01:26:40,541
{\an8}♪ I put a full slice
In my drop top lately, hey ♪
1950
01:26:40,541 --> 01:26:42,583
{\an8}♪ I leave it on my favorite setting ♪
1951
01:26:42,583 --> 01:26:45,458
♪ You know it’s three ♪
1952
01:26:45,458 --> 01:26:48,625
♪ Give me that sweet morning heat ♪
1953
01:26:48,625 --> 01:26:53,208
{\an8}♪ I want it every single day of the week ♪
1954
01:26:53,208 --> 01:26:56,750
{\an8}♪ You’ve got all the lovin’ I need ♪
1955
01:26:56,750 --> 01:26:59,208
{\an8}♪ Come on, give me that sweet morning ♪
1956
01:26:59,208 --> 01:27:01,333
{\an8}♪ Please ♪
1957
01:27:01,333 --> 01:27:03,791
{\an8}♪ Give me that sweet morning heat ♪
1958
01:27:03,791 --> 01:27:05,208
{\an8}♪ I want that heat ♪
1959
01:27:05,208 --> 01:27:09,083
{\an8}♪ Every single day of the week ♪
1960
01:27:09,083 --> 01:27:12,041
{\an8}♪ You’ve got all the lovin’ I need ♪
1961
01:27:12,041 --> 01:27:15,125
♪ Oh, give me that sweet morning ♪
1962
01:27:15,125 --> 01:27:19,500
♪ Give me that sweet morning ♪
1963
01:27:19,500 --> 01:27:20,500
♪ Heat ♪
1964
01:27:20,500 --> 01:27:22,833
[crew cheering and applauding]
1965
01:27:25,083 --> 01:27:27,083
{\an8}[cheerful orchestral music playing]
1966
01:27:38,708 --> 01:27:39,666
[music ends]
1967
01:27:39,666 --> 01:27:41,750
[smooth jazz music playing]
1968
01:28:24,833 --> 01:28:26,500
[music fades]
1969
01:28:26,500 --> 01:28:28,666
[dramatic music playing]
1970
01:32:03,083 --> 01:32:04,000
[music ends]
1971
01:32:04,000 --> 01:32:06,083
[cheerful orchestral music playing]
1972
01:32:48,500 --> 01:32:49,500
[music ends]