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Downloaded from
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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Two Pop-Tarts, please.
4
00:00:51,208 --> 00:00:52,541
Leave the box.
5
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- Tough day?
- You don't wanna know.
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"One day, Grandma Kellogg,
while baking pies for her family,
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found she had
some extra crust and filling."
8
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"So, she put them together
into little tarts."
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"They were so popular,
she called it the Pop-Tart."
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Wow. That's a pretty good story.
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You think so? Bunch of baloney.
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It's on the box, mister.
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Yeah, well, that ain't what happened, kid.
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How do you know?
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'Cause I write what's on those boxes.
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You wanna know the real story?
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Nope.
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Come on. It's a good one.
19
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All right. But make it quick.
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Well, in the early '60s,
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the American morning
was defined by milk and cereal.
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Our milkman was named Mike.
He was a swell guy.
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And our little town
captured the imagination
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of every breakfast-loving
American kid just like you.
25
00:02:03,125 --> 00:02:04,500
Battle Creek, Michigan,
26
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the home of the two
undisputed giants of the cereal world,
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Kellogg's
28
00:02:09,750 --> 00:02:10,625
and Post.
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And battle they did.
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Week after week, bowl after bowl,
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Post and Kellogg's fought
tooth and tongue to win.
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But a spoon was about to get bent
33
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when a hot, sweet rectangle
popped on the scene,
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00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:26,916
threatening to upend
America's breakfast table forever.
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So good.
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00:02:33,666 --> 00:02:35,000
Morning, Mr. Kellogg.
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00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:38,416
Oh! Great numbers last week, Bob.
You look at these demos?
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00:02:38,416 --> 00:02:41,500
We beat Alpha-Bits
in four-to-six-year-olds.
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00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:44,333
Letters, bad idea.
Don't make 'em think. They wanna eat.
40
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Did you read about the boy in Bloomington
who used the letters to spell "ass"?
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Horrible.
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And that's on his permanent record.
43
00:02:51,458 --> 00:02:53,125
- Good luck getting a job.
- Hmm.
44
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Hey, did you get my memo
about the frogman prize inside?
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00:02:55,541 --> 00:02:56,833
Some kids are eating them.
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{\an8}If they're frogmen,
they'll find their way out.
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Did you look in on Tony?
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On my way now.
49
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Keep him happy.
50
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Ooh. Vietnam. That seems like a good idea.
51
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Wanna know what puts
a toothy grin on this tiger's face?
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{\an8}Kellogg's Sugar Frosted Flakes.
53
00:03:13,416 --> 00:03:15,583
{\an8}They're so right.
54
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Thurl, can you hit
the "so" a little bit harder?
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"They're so right."
56
00:03:25,750 --> 00:03:29,708
- Are you giving me a read?
- I would never do that, Thurl.
57
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Let's not play games, young man.
58
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I am rehearsing Lear at four,
so could you simply tell me what you want?
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I wanna go home.
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Hello, everyone.
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00:03:38,750 --> 00:03:42,208
- Oh! And look who's here.
- Good morning, Thurl.
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Is it good, Bob? Is it?
Have you seen today's copy?
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00:03:45,666 --> 00:03:49,125
Oh, we'll get it, Thurl. We've got
the best cereal writers in the business.
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We do indeed. We are so blessed.
They're great. Just gr-r-reat!
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That's it.
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That's the line we've been looking for.
Let's go again.
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Yes, quickly now.
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00:03:59,916 --> 00:04:02,041
- Quickly, while I feel it.
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00:04:02,750 --> 00:04:04,291
Ready?
Rolling.
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00:04:04,291 --> 00:04:06,500
Sugar Frosted Flakes.
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00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,458
They're gr-r-reat!
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- And cut.
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00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:11,958
- Thurl, you did it again.
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00:04:11,958 --> 00:04:14,708
Oh, thank you. You're very kind to me.
75
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You're very kind.
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Bravo!
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I soar on the wings of eagles.
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Thank you.
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Bob. Bob, a moment. I was wondering,
is there something that could be done,
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00:04:24,208 --> 00:04:27,000
perhaps, about the temperature
inside my head?
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- I'm literally sealed up inside, you see.
Mmm.
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I'll get the boys
in the lab to look into it.
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Great. Thank you.
84
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Where is the lab?
85
00:04:38,625 --> 00:04:39,666
There is no lab.
86
00:04:40,958 --> 00:04:42,625
Mr. C.
- Poppy. What's this?
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00:04:42,625 --> 00:04:44,875
It's a first pass
at your Fruit Loops idea.
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00:04:44,875 --> 00:04:47,125
- Oh. How'd they do?
- The numbers aren't great.
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- Time to sog, 14 seconds.
- Ouch.
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00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:51,666
Milk buoyancy, zero.
They are sinking like buckshot.
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00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:53,958
- Disappointing.
- Wanna hear the survey responses?
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00:04:53,958 --> 00:04:56,000
- Not really.
- They are "I don't like these."
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"Please, no more."
And "Where did my parents go?"
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Okay. Just double the sugar,
triple the gluten,
95
00:05:01,583 --> 00:05:04,458
and spell Fruit F-R-O-O-T.
96
00:05:04,458 --> 00:05:06,041
There's no fruit in here.
97
00:05:06,041 --> 00:05:09,125
Obviously, fruit cannot survive
in a box on a shelf.
98
00:05:09,125 --> 00:05:10,916
Of course not.
99
00:05:11,416 --> 00:05:12,708
Mr. Cabana.
100
00:05:13,291 --> 00:05:14,541
Ah, boys.
101
00:05:14,541 --> 00:05:16,625
I'm just going to cut right to it.
102
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We're tired of doing
supermarket appearances.
103
00:05:19,625 --> 00:05:22,750
Yeah, we're catching on.
We want a record deal, board games--
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00:05:22,750 --> 00:05:24,833
- Maybe even a beach movie.
- Oh.
105
00:05:24,833 --> 00:05:26,041
Tell him the title.
106
00:05:26,875 --> 00:05:29,125
Krispy Boys Surfin' Along.
107
00:05:29,125 --> 00:05:32,583
Yeah. This thing is big, Bob.
We want more.
108
00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,458
More? Here's more.
109
00:05:34,458 --> 00:05:38,166
Let's add a new guy.
How about Snap, Crackle, Pop, and Boing?
110
00:05:38,166 --> 00:05:41,083
Would you like to split
your paycheck four ways with Boing?
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00:05:41,083 --> 00:05:44,208
Or I could just hire
Poop, Slap, and Smile,
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because I can replace this whole act...
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...like that.
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He's teasing. He loves you guys.
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Meeting in the Krispy Cave, now.
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From the recently renovated
Holiday Inn in Battle Creek, Michigan,
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00:06:01,708 --> 00:06:05,000
it is the 1963 Bowl and Spoon Awards,
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00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,166
the night cereal salutes itself.
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{\an8}Brought to you by Oscar Mayer Wieners.
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00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,250
{\an8}When you are done with breakfast,
we'll be waiting.
121
00:06:12,166 --> 00:06:15,541
Well, whatever it is,
my gerbil loves it.
122
00:06:17,875 --> 00:06:19,916
Oh, Madame Cereal.
123
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Miss Marjorie Post.
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Well well, King Kellogg.
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Good luck tonight,
not that you need it, right?
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Well, I don't know. That fruity gravel
of yours made quite a splash.
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Pebbles. Fruity Pebbles.
128
00:06:31,541 --> 00:06:35,458
Uh-- I-- Rick Ludwin, also with Post.
I have been eating you for years.
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- I'd leave.
- Uh...
130
00:06:39,375 --> 00:06:41,750
You know we don't stand
a chance against you tonight.
131
00:06:41,750 --> 00:06:43,833
Well, it's been a very good year.
132
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Oh, you should enjoy it.
133
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It's the '60s.
134
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- Things are really moving fast.
- What do you mean?
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00:06:51,333 --> 00:06:55,250
Oh, there's always a surprise
inside the box. Isn't there, Eddie?
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Huh?
137
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Greetings, Kellogg's brethren.
138
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Praise be.
139
00:07:02,708 --> 00:07:05,458
Hey, Isaiah.
You know Isaiah Lamb from Quaker.
140
00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:08,541
Anything new nominated tonight?
141
00:07:08,541 --> 00:07:09,875
No, nothing new.
142
00:07:09,875 --> 00:07:11,875
Original oats, original flavor.
143
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Yeah, flavor.
144
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:15,916
- What's that?
- Nothing.
145
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You Kellogg's people.
146
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Peace be upon you.
147
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Why do they keep showing up to this?
148
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- Mixing religion and cereal, why?
- To keep sales down?
149
00:07:28,041 --> 00:07:31,708
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome your host, Stu Smiley.
150
00:07:33,791 --> 00:07:35,625
Oh.
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I love this guy.
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{\an8}And welcome to the big Bowl and Spoon.
How are you?
153
00:07:42,916 --> 00:07:45,708
{\an8}Look at you tonight.
Somebody's frosted your flakes.
154
00:07:47,625 --> 00:07:49,833
Well, you know I love cereal people. I do.
155
00:07:49,833 --> 00:07:53,583
{\an8}My favorite thing is on the front
of the box is serving suggestions.
156
00:07:53,583 --> 00:07:56,791
Well, I have a suggestion for you.
How about filling up the box?
157
00:07:57,750 --> 00:08:00,166
{\an8}- What's with all the air?
158
00:08:00,166 --> 00:08:01,791
This is gonna be a great night, guys.
159
00:08:01,791 --> 00:08:04,500
And we're gonna get things
started here with our first award.
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{\an8}It is Best New Cereal Box Character.
161
00:08:09,083 --> 00:08:10,583
And the winner is
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00:08:11,166 --> 00:08:12,166
Kellogg's.
163
00:08:13,666 --> 00:08:15,666
Apple Jacks' Apple Head.
164
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This is all you.
165
00:08:17,250 --> 00:08:18,625
Well, it's everyone.
166
00:08:18,625 --> 00:08:19,583
Me mostly.
167
00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:23,083
{\an8}Easiest to Open Wax Bag.
168
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Kellogg's!
169
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,458
Yeah!
170
00:08:26,041 --> 00:08:27,208
Yay.
171
00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:30,625
- Kellogg's, ladies and gentlemen.
172
00:08:30,625 --> 00:08:32,333
Kellogg's, guys. Come on.
173
00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:34,500
Best Use of Niacin.
174
00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:35,500
{\an8}You guessed it.
175
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,166
{\an8}Kellogg's, guys.
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00:08:42,833 --> 00:08:44,041
Heathens.
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00:08:44,041 --> 00:08:46,666
Let the grain speak for itself.
178
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,000
I don't know
where I'm gonna put all these.
179
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,958
Why are they smiling over there?
They're losing everything.
180
00:08:54,958 --> 00:08:57,583
Then the priest says,
"Really? She was when I knew her."
181
00:08:59,375 --> 00:09:01,708
Maybe they're just happy for you, Bob.
182
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:05,166
They'd be happy if we were dragged
through the streets like Mussolini.
183
00:09:05,166 --> 00:09:08,833
Mussolini? Come on, Bob.
Lighten up. We won the night.
184
00:09:09,666 --> 00:09:13,250
I don't know.
I feel like they know something we don't.
185
00:09:13,250 --> 00:09:15,458
And now in memoriam.
186
00:09:15,458 --> 00:09:19,333
Let's take a moment to remember
some of the cereals we lost this year.
187
00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:21,166
We ate of you what we could.
188
00:09:23,875 --> 00:09:27,041
♪ When I was seventeen ♪
189
00:09:28,333 --> 00:09:32,666
- ♪ It was a very good year ♪
190
00:10:04,791 --> 00:10:07,125
{\an8}
191
00:10:22,458 --> 00:10:24,250
Hey, what are those kids doing?
192
00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:26,875
- Oh, they come for the goo.
- Who comes for the goo?
193
00:10:26,875 --> 00:10:29,833
The ones.
The ones who come, it's for the goo.
194
00:10:29,833 --> 00:10:31,541
- The goo?
- The goo!
195
00:10:42,416 --> 00:10:43,875
Are you kids okay?
196
00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:46,916
Oh, sure. We live in nice homes
and already had a complete breakfast.
197
00:10:46,916 --> 00:10:49,875
But we come here for this.
198
00:10:49,875 --> 00:10:51,833
- It's garbage.
Is it?
199
00:10:51,833 --> 00:10:55,875
Or is it some hot fruit lightning
the man doesn't want you to have?
200
00:10:56,375 --> 00:10:57,333
No, wait.
201
00:10:57,333 --> 00:10:59,625
You have to have it like this.
202
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,458
Eat up.
203
00:11:23,125 --> 00:11:26,875
- They got a fruit-filled pastry dingus.
- Dingus? Who has a dingus?
204
00:11:26,875 --> 00:11:30,625
Post. They did it. It's some kind
of jelly-ish structure thing.
205
00:11:30,625 --> 00:11:32,833
Transportable, possibly heatable.
206
00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:35,583
- It might even be nutritious.
- It's not possible.
207
00:11:35,583 --> 00:11:39,583
It's like a balloon popping out of
a steering wheel in an accident, insane.
208
00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:40,500
I tasted it.
209
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,125
- Where?
- Out of a dumpster.
210
00:11:42,125 --> 00:11:44,666
But isn't this
what your team was working on?
211
00:11:44,666 --> 00:11:46,125
You said it was a dead end.
212
00:11:46,125 --> 00:11:49,416
It is. We thought it was.
Post must have cracked it.
213
00:11:49,416 --> 00:11:50,416
This could sink us.
214
00:11:50,416 --> 00:11:52,625
There isn't a Kellogg's cereal
that would survive.
215
00:11:52,625 --> 00:11:53,958
You're in a tizzy, Bob.
216
00:11:53,958 --> 00:11:58,250
Uh, look at these awards.
We just cleaned up at the Bowl and Spoons.
217
00:11:58,250 --> 00:12:00,333
Edsel, we own the Bowl and Spoons.
218
00:12:00,333 --> 00:12:03,000
You know how hard I work
to keep that from leaking?
219
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,125
- It's a sham.
- It's a good show.
220
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,750
Well, the show's over.
221
00:12:07,250 --> 00:12:09,250
You realize what this means?
222
00:12:10,041 --> 00:12:12,958
Post will be the new king of Battle Creek.
223
00:12:12,958 --> 00:12:14,291
Then what are we?
224
00:12:15,083 --> 00:12:16,958
We're lumpy Cream of Wheat.
225
00:12:17,458 --> 00:12:19,375
I wanted to send my kids to college.
226
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:22,458
It's, like, $200 a year.
227
00:12:22,458 --> 00:12:24,750
I guess my family was right about me.
228
00:12:25,583 --> 00:12:27,916
I'll be the first failed Kellogg.
229
00:12:27,916 --> 00:12:30,666
You didn't fail.
You have to do something to fail.
230
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:34,541
Easy on the insults, Bob.
You'd be out of a job too.
231
00:12:34,541 --> 00:12:36,875
I know. I could be a train hobo,
232
00:12:36,875 --> 00:12:39,625
cooking meat on the end
of a stick over a barrel fire.
233
00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:42,916
You can't say hobo anymore.
They prefer bum.
234
00:12:42,916 --> 00:12:46,708
Well, I guess that's the end
of my dream of having a real lawn someday.
235
00:12:46,708 --> 00:12:49,250
- Wait. You have a lawn.
- It's not sod.
236
00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:52,250
I want sod.
You ever see that kind of grass?
237
00:12:52,250 --> 00:12:54,208
Thick? Really green?
238
00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:57,500
They roll it out like Poppin' Fresh dough.
239
00:12:57,500 --> 00:13:01,041
That's your dream? You don't have
feelings like normal people, do you?
240
00:13:01,041 --> 00:13:02,625
Yes, I do. I feel fine.
241
00:13:02,625 --> 00:13:04,833
We need to find out if this is real.
242
00:13:07,708 --> 00:13:09,708
- I need Chester Slink.
- Who's that?
243
00:13:09,708 --> 00:13:11,708
- I'm on the phone, Bob.
- Huh.
244
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:14,083
Direct from CBS News in New York.
245
00:13:14,083 --> 00:13:17,625
This is the CBS Evening News
with Walter Cronkite.
246
00:13:17,625 --> 00:13:21,708
This just handed to me,
some major news from the breakfast world.
247
00:13:21,708 --> 00:13:24,333
The Post Cereal company
of Battle Creek, Michigan,
248
00:13:24,333 --> 00:13:29,916
has reportedly invented a shelf-stable,
heatable fruit pastry breakfast product.
249
00:13:30,458 --> 00:13:31,791
Shelf-stable.
250
00:13:33,333 --> 00:13:34,666
Boy.
251
00:13:34,666 --> 00:13:36,625
More to come after this.
252
00:13:36,625 --> 00:13:37,916
And we're clear.
253
00:13:37,916 --> 00:13:39,875
On a personal note,
254
00:13:39,875 --> 00:13:42,541
Daddy bought himself a WHEE-LO.
255
00:13:43,041 --> 00:13:45,083
WHEE-LO.
256
00:13:45,583 --> 00:13:49,875
Goes away but always comes back for more.
257
00:13:51,541 --> 00:13:52,875
Much like the missus.
258
00:13:55,458 --> 00:13:58,125
This is Chester Slink,
our head of security.
259
00:13:58,125 --> 00:14:00,208
Chester, tell us what you found out.
260
00:14:00,208 --> 00:14:04,083
Well, this footage was taken
this morning by our man inside Post.
261
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,916
- I can't see a damn thing.
- It's the best we have right now.
262
00:14:12,916 --> 00:14:17,416
We have an operative posing as a janitor
with a camera attached to his mop.
263
00:14:17,416 --> 00:14:20,833
Very brave,
these men inside with their mops.
264
00:14:21,416 --> 00:14:25,000
We believe this is what Bob
was ingesting in the dumpster.
265
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,750
Clearly, it's a fructiferous goo.
266
00:14:27,750 --> 00:14:30,166
- Perhaps pectin-based?
267
00:14:30,166 --> 00:14:31,166
Pectin-based.
268
00:14:31,166 --> 00:14:32,125
Pectin.
269
00:14:33,208 --> 00:14:37,291
- What are you doing? What's that noise?
- Get that mop out of my face.
270
00:14:38,416 --> 00:14:39,291
Do your job.
271
00:14:45,916 --> 00:14:48,250
Wait. Stop the film.
272
00:14:48,250 --> 00:14:49,791
That's my research.
273
00:14:49,791 --> 00:14:53,166
Yeah, it is. It's possible
they got a guy working in our offices.
274
00:14:53,166 --> 00:14:54,541
Unlikely.
275
00:14:54,541 --> 00:14:57,333
I recently doubled our security.
276
00:14:57,333 --> 00:14:59,166
We have two guards now.
277
00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,708
- Uh-- Can you do that later?
278
00:15:01,708 --> 00:15:03,833
Uh-- We're in a meeting.
279
00:15:09,166 --> 00:15:12,916
Excuse me,
but I am days away
280
00:15:12,916 --> 00:15:16,791
{\an8}from a fruit snack that'll blow
their product right into the deli aisle.
281
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:18,791
{\an8}Is that a sardine can?
282
00:15:18,791 --> 00:15:19,916
It was.
283
00:15:20,416 --> 00:15:23,125
But instead of oily
Mediterranean baitfish,
284
00:15:23,125 --> 00:15:25,541
it contains yummy fresh fruit puree.
285
00:15:26,833 --> 00:15:29,416
I give you the Kellogg's Frui-dine.
286
00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:37,666
Uh, this one appears to be compromised.
That happens.
287
00:15:38,208 --> 00:15:42,500
Uh-- My team is also very close
on something called Corn Gooies.
288
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:43,541
And that is?
289
00:15:43,541 --> 00:15:46,083
It's individual Corn Pops
filled with creamed corn.
290
00:15:46,083 --> 00:15:48,041
- And they're gooey.
291
00:15:49,958 --> 00:15:52,625
Everyone out. Take that. Take that.
292
00:15:54,375 --> 00:15:55,416
Save us, Bob.
293
00:15:56,791 --> 00:15:58,958
Whatever it takes. Whatever you need.
294
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,666
- I need Stan back.
No.
295
00:16:01,791 --> 00:16:05,458
- No Stankowski. No can do.
- Look, I know Stan's not easy.
296
00:16:05,458 --> 00:16:08,375
Not easy?
Well, you couldn't even deal with Stan.
297
00:16:08,375 --> 00:16:11,791
- We worked it out. We used a veto system.
- Wh-- What?
298
00:16:11,791 --> 00:16:13,208
We gave each other the power
299
00:16:13,208 --> 00:16:16,125
to veto anything
the other person did that was annoying.
300
00:16:16,125 --> 00:16:17,750
To reduce tension.
301
00:16:17,750 --> 00:16:20,208
Smelly lunch orders. Weird belts.
302
00:16:20,208 --> 00:16:21,583
Oh, that's interesting.
303
00:16:21,583 --> 00:16:25,291
'Cause my company's on
the verge of total collapse!
304
00:16:25,291 --> 00:16:26,833
That's why we need Stan.
305
00:16:28,125 --> 00:16:30,333
Does anyone even know where Stan is?
306
00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:34,791
Three, two, one. Ignition.
307
00:16:37,666 --> 00:16:39,000
♪ Wooly bully ♪
308
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,208
♪ Watch it now, watch it... ♪
309
00:16:43,625 --> 00:16:45,375
♪ Matty told Hatty... ♪
310
00:16:46,541 --> 00:16:48,625
♪ About a thing she saw... ♪
311
00:16:49,333 --> 00:16:51,708
The alien is hostile.
312
00:16:53,541 --> 00:16:55,125
♪ And a wooly jaw ♪
313
00:16:55,125 --> 00:16:56,708
♪ Wooly bully... ♪
314
00:16:56,708 --> 00:16:59,083
The alien is tricky.
315
00:16:59,083 --> 00:17:01,166
- ♪ Wooly bully ♪
- ♪ Yeah, right ♪
316
00:17:02,208 --> 00:17:03,083
♪ Wooly bully ♪
317
00:17:04,041 --> 00:17:05,166
♪ Wooly bully ♪
318
00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:06,750
♪ Wooly bully ♪
319
00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:11,291
Hey, if you guys get hungry on the moon,
I just came up with this.
320
00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:13,791
It's Twinkie in a tube. Ha!
321
00:17:13,791 --> 00:17:17,750
- Like I couldn't do that?
- I see in flavors, flyboy.
322
00:17:17,750 --> 00:17:20,541
What do you do other than
screw up and press eject?
323
00:17:25,458 --> 00:17:26,958
- Cabana.
324
00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:29,458
Can't believe they leave
the keys in these things.
325
00:17:31,208 --> 00:17:34,000
Wow. You guys are really into the moon.
326
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,208
Been expecting you.
327
00:17:35,708 --> 00:17:38,416
Post has really got you
by the nut clusters this time.
328
00:17:38,416 --> 00:17:39,958
Here. Try this.
329
00:17:42,875 --> 00:17:45,583
- It's got a certain tang.
- Ooh, that's a good name.
330
00:17:45,583 --> 00:17:49,208
But, Bob, I... I know you're in a spot,
but I don't wanna go back to flake town.
331
00:17:49,208 --> 00:17:52,583
- What is so great about NASA?
- They're not afraid of the future.
332
00:17:52,583 --> 00:17:55,291
I mean, we've got something here
called a microwave oven.
333
00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:58,416
Cooked a Swanson TV dinner
in 25 minutes flat. That's a fact.
334
00:17:58,416 --> 00:17:59,666
Yeah, for seven guys.
335
00:17:59,666 --> 00:18:02,666
I'm talking about happy childhoods
for millions of American kids.
336
00:18:02,666 --> 00:18:06,416
- We're going to the moon.
- The moon. Leave the moon alone.
337
00:18:06,416 --> 00:18:08,041
You look up, it's there.
338
00:18:08,041 --> 00:18:10,500
It'll always be there. Don't pick at it.
339
00:18:11,083 --> 00:18:12,708
You're jamming goo into tubes
340
00:18:12,708 --> 00:18:15,500
for a bunch of chain-smoking
Corvette guys with flattops.
341
00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:17,333
They're gonna go up,
they're gonna come down.
342
00:18:17,333 --> 00:18:19,291
They're gonna become alcoholics
and get divorced.
343
00:18:19,291 --> 00:18:20,416
The chimps are smarter.
344
00:18:21,291 --> 00:18:22,916
Okay, how do you think Post did it?
345
00:18:22,916 --> 00:18:24,958
I know how they did it.
They stole our research.
346
00:18:25,541 --> 00:18:28,083
- I wonder if they used xanthan gum.
- Xanthan.
347
00:18:28,083 --> 00:18:29,916
I don't wanna work for Edsel again.
348
00:18:29,916 --> 00:18:34,541
You don't really think you're actually
going to the moon, do you, really?
349
00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:37,750
Going to the moon?
350
00:18:38,875 --> 00:18:41,166
No, I don't.
- No.
351
00:18:41,166 --> 00:18:42,458
- Let's go.
- Let's go.
352
00:18:43,458 --> 00:18:47,666
♪ Wooly bully ♪
353
00:18:54,875 --> 00:18:56,416
Are we in trouble, mister?
354
00:18:56,416 --> 00:18:59,416
You just tell Miss Post
about what you were doing in our dumpster
355
00:18:59,416 --> 00:19:01,166
and anything else she wants to know.
356
00:19:02,583 --> 00:19:04,458
Hello, kids.
357
00:19:06,833 --> 00:19:07,791
Move.
358
00:19:08,375 --> 00:19:11,541
So I heard you rascals
went on a little treasure hunt.
359
00:19:11,541 --> 00:19:13,958
That is our patented property.
360
00:19:13,958 --> 00:19:16,125
Do you know
what trademark infringement is?
361
00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:20,000
Trademark infringement is a violation
of exclusive rights of a proprietary brand
362
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,666
without the authorization
of the owner or other licensees.
363
00:19:22,666 --> 00:19:25,333
Now, you listen to me, Cabbage Patch.
364
00:19:25,333 --> 00:19:27,666
You have no idea
what's going on here, do you?
365
00:19:29,708 --> 00:19:31,166
Well, maybe you'd like to find out.
366
00:19:33,083 --> 00:19:35,708
- Ma'am, you're not thinking of--
- Bring me a box of the x19s.
367
00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:38,375
But, ma'am, all we have at this point
is an untested prototype.
368
00:19:38,375 --> 00:19:40,416
- I cannot recommend--
- You cannot?
369
00:19:40,416 --> 00:19:41,875
Don't you see, Ludwin?
370
00:19:41,875 --> 00:19:46,541
I'm about to finally crush that big
red K that never stops glaring at me.
371
00:19:47,375 --> 00:19:48,833
I hate them.
372
00:19:53,666 --> 00:19:55,083
Where the hell are they?
373
00:20:17,375 --> 00:20:18,208
Ludwin.
374
00:20:21,250 --> 00:20:23,000
- Ahh!
375
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,041
Must you be so dramatic?
376
00:20:25,041 --> 00:20:27,083
Why does it smell like that?
377
00:20:27,083 --> 00:20:30,500
There's just a small amount
of petroleum in this version.
378
00:20:32,250 --> 00:20:34,083
Forget the toaster. We'll do it raw.
379
00:20:34,083 --> 00:20:36,000
- We'll do it raw!
380
00:20:40,041 --> 00:20:42,458
I can't believe I'm saying this,
381
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:44,916
but this is even better
than what's in the dumpster.
382
00:20:45,833 --> 00:20:47,708
Better than what's in the dumpster.
383
00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:50,958
Just what they said about Grape-Nuts.
384
00:20:57,041 --> 00:21:00,000
We're gonna need
to use every inch of this place.
385
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,916
I take it you're comfortable
reinstating our veto system.
386
00:21:02,916 --> 00:21:05,625
- I think that would be wise, Bob.
- Any issues?
387
00:21:05,625 --> 00:21:07,541
No. Any issues?
388
00:21:09,041 --> 00:21:10,041
No.
389
00:21:10,041 --> 00:21:11,666
Here's the winning team.
390
00:21:11,666 --> 00:21:13,208
Milk and cereal.
391
00:21:13,208 --> 00:21:15,000
Peanut butter and jelly.
392
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,833
Stankowski and Cabana.
393
00:21:17,833 --> 00:21:19,541
Now I know we can take 'em.
394
00:21:19,541 --> 00:21:21,041
You look good, Stan.
395
00:21:21,041 --> 00:21:22,583
You look the same.
396
00:21:22,583 --> 00:21:24,583
Well, I just lost 25 pounds.
397
00:21:25,541 --> 00:21:27,791
- I don't miss it.
- You're not supposed to miss it.
398
00:21:27,791 --> 00:21:32,208
- Nobody misses 25 pounds of fat.
- That's what I'm sayin'. I don't miss it.
399
00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:33,375
Stan?
400
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:36,083
Why is he losing it? Is it 'cause
he's still sweet on Margie Post?
401
00:21:36,083 --> 00:21:38,083
- Would you leave him alone?
- It's not true.
402
00:21:38,083 --> 00:21:41,583
Besides, a... a Post and a Kellogg
could never be. It's forbidden.
403
00:21:41,583 --> 00:21:42,916
Doesn't that make it sexier?
404
00:21:42,916 --> 00:21:44,250
- Okay.
405
00:21:44,250 --> 00:21:47,166
I told you this one's a little off.
She's not a company man.
406
00:21:47,166 --> 00:21:49,875
- I'm not a man.
- All right. Let's start over.
407
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:53,541
How about the three of us
have a bowl of cereal together right now?
408
00:21:54,791 --> 00:21:56,791
Sure. Why not? I could use a bowl.
409
00:21:56,791 --> 00:21:58,625
- Let's bowl up.
- Bowl time.
410
00:22:06,041 --> 00:22:07,083
Ah.
411
00:22:08,083 --> 00:22:11,708
♪ You're just too good to be true ♪
412
00:22:11,708 --> 00:22:15,458
♪ Can't take my eyes off of you ♪
413
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,166
♪ You'd be like heaven to touch ♪
414
00:22:19,791 --> 00:22:23,208
♪ I wanna hold you so much ♪
415
00:22:23,750 --> 00:22:27,000
♪ At long last, love has arrived ♪
416
00:22:27,666 --> 00:22:30,666
♪ And I thank God I'm alive ♪
417
00:22:31,458 --> 00:22:34,958
♪You're just too good to be true
418
00:22:34,958 --> 00:22:38,708
♪ Can't take my eyes off of you ♪
419
00:22:42,125 --> 00:22:45,875
The magic of cereal is you're eating and
drinking at the same time with one hand.
420
00:22:45,875 --> 00:22:48,833
What we need to be able to do
is recreate this euphoric gratification.
421
00:22:48,833 --> 00:22:50,291
{\an8}But in a completely new way.
422
00:22:50,291 --> 00:22:53,625
Well, all of Kellogg's manpower
is at your disposal.
423
00:22:53,625 --> 00:22:56,791
That is not gonna work.
If we're gonna beat Post,
424
00:22:56,791 --> 00:22:58,541
we need the most innovative,
425
00:22:58,541 --> 00:23:01,583
unconventional minds of the 1960s.
426
00:23:01,583 --> 00:23:03,000
Well, think you can get them?
427
00:23:04,541 --> 00:23:06,125
They're already on a plane.
428
00:23:07,166 --> 00:23:08,208
Well, he's not.
429
00:23:08,208 --> 00:23:10,000
And this guy's on a bus.
430
00:23:10,625 --> 00:23:12,625
And Einstein's dead. But the rest...
431
00:23:13,166 --> 00:23:15,583
{\an8}
432
00:23:17,833 --> 00:23:20,125
Today, Kellogg's boldly announces
433
00:23:20,125 --> 00:23:25,166
that we are entering the race
to develop the new breakfast dingus.
434
00:23:25,166 --> 00:23:27,333
{\an8}I'd like to bring up our head
of development,
435
00:23:27,333 --> 00:23:30,916
Robert Cabana,
to tell you all about it. Uh, Bob?
436
00:23:33,250 --> 00:23:34,791
The brave men you see before you
437
00:23:34,791 --> 00:23:37,958
have been through
an unprecedented series of evaluations.
438
00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:40,583
Each is at the top of their field.
439
00:23:40,583 --> 00:23:43,500
Inventive, visionary, fearless.
440
00:23:45,416 --> 00:23:49,375
- Soft-serve ice cream genius, Tom Carvel.
441
00:23:49,375 --> 00:23:52,541
- Children's bicycle maker, Steve Schwinn.
442
00:23:52,541 --> 00:23:55,875
Inventor of the Sea-Monkey
and German immigrant,
443
00:23:55,875 --> 00:23:58,541
- Harold von Braunhut.
444
00:23:58,541 --> 00:24:02,833
Canned meatball whiz kid, Chef Boyardee.
445
00:24:03,791 --> 00:24:06,583
Tightly-tailored physical fitness icon,
Jack LaLanne.
446
00:24:08,083 --> 00:24:11,208
{\an8}And from IBM,
the smartest machine ever made,
447
00:24:11,208 --> 00:24:13,083
{\an8}UNIVAC the computer.
448
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:18,166
{\an8}I give you
Kellogg's first-ever taste pilots.
449
00:24:28,666 --> 00:24:29,708
Questions?
450
00:24:29,708 --> 00:24:32,958
Mr. LaLanne, is this kind of food
really part of your health regimen?
451
00:24:32,958 --> 00:24:34,083
{\an8}Well, sugar's poison,
452
00:24:34,083 --> 00:24:37,583
{\an8}which is why we're developing something
new called high-fructose corn syrup.
453
00:24:40,541 --> 00:24:44,041
Mr. Schwinn, why would you leave
the number one bicycle company in America
454
00:24:44,041 --> 00:24:46,208
to make some unknown edible item?
455
00:24:46,208 --> 00:24:48,083
- That's what we're doing?
456
00:24:49,208 --> 00:24:50,500
Uh, next question?
457
00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:53,375
Mr. Carvel, your voice
is so famously unappetizing.
458
00:24:53,375 --> 00:24:55,291
Why did put yourself in your commercials?
459
00:24:55,291 --> 00:24:57,875
Blow it out your trumpet, Sally.
460
00:24:57,875 --> 00:24:58,958
- Tom.
461
00:25:10,833 --> 00:25:14,000
Mr. von Braunhut,
where were you in the early 1940s?
462
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,750
{\an8}That is for me to know
and you not to find out.
463
00:25:19,791 --> 00:25:22,583
Okay. Thank you, everyone.
That's it for today.
464
00:25:22,583 --> 00:25:24,916
Excuse me.
I was serious about the 1940s question.
465
00:25:24,916 --> 00:25:27,833
- Can we all just move on?
- Thank you, and we'll see you again.
466
00:25:48,458 --> 00:25:51,125
America is gonna
fall in love with those guys.
467
00:25:51,958 --> 00:25:54,875
- Couple rough spots.
- How masterful was Tom Carvel?
468
00:25:54,875 --> 00:25:57,666
You mean threatening a female journalist
or wearing a dirty shirt?
469
00:25:57,666 --> 00:25:58,791
Yeah, right?
470
00:25:59,916 --> 00:26:02,750
- Hey, what were those milkmen doing there?
- Take a seat.
471
00:26:04,125 --> 00:26:06,500
I've kept this from you two over the years
472
00:26:06,500 --> 00:26:09,041
because I just didn't know
how to talk about it.
473
00:26:09,041 --> 00:26:12,833
As we all know, in the beginning,
farmers milked cows for fun.
474
00:26:12,833 --> 00:26:15,541
It was just a gross white liquid
475
00:26:15,541 --> 00:26:17,958
dripping out of some dimwitted beast
476
00:26:17,958 --> 00:26:20,583
that was fun to throw at girls.
477
00:26:20,583 --> 00:26:21,625
But when a ranch hand
478
00:26:21,625 --> 00:26:26,041
named Milky Cashman
spilled some into a bowl of dry cereal,
479
00:26:26,041 --> 00:26:28,208
a million-dollar business was born.
480
00:26:28,208 --> 00:26:30,916
You see, the smiling, friendly milkman,
481
00:26:30,916 --> 00:26:31,958
that's all fake.
482
00:26:32,958 --> 00:26:35,708
They're a greedy, ruthless syndicate,
483
00:26:35,708 --> 00:26:37,625
and they protect what's theirs.
484
00:26:38,208 --> 00:26:42,208
And we are currently developing
a product that doesn't need milk.
485
00:26:42,208 --> 00:26:44,666
Wait a minute.
What ever happened to Milky Cashman?
486
00:26:44,666 --> 00:26:47,833
He was the first missing person
on the side of a milk carton. Hmm.
487
00:26:48,750 --> 00:26:51,291
His own goddamn milk carton.
488
00:26:51,291 --> 00:26:52,625
Sorry for my French.
489
00:26:52,625 --> 00:26:55,000
- That's not French.
- What does this mean?
490
00:26:55,000 --> 00:27:00,666
What it means is we're about to have
some very powerful people very upset.
491
00:27:00,666 --> 00:27:01,583
Mmm.
492
00:27:01,583 --> 00:27:03,583
I'm not afraid
of those sour cream jockeys.
493
00:27:03,583 --> 00:27:07,083
That kind of attitude could land you
on the business end of a cow.
494
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:09,208
That means the butt.
495
00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:24,708
Bob, this is Purvis Pendleton from IBM.
496
00:27:24,708 --> 00:27:27,875
We really appreciate you guys
loaning this thing out to us.
497
00:27:27,875 --> 00:27:30,083
Tell you the truth,
we're kind of happy to be rid of it.
498
00:27:30,083 --> 00:27:31,833
- Oh.
499
00:27:31,833 --> 00:27:32,833
Oh.
500
00:27:34,791 --> 00:27:36,375
"Hello, Stan."
501
00:27:40,875 --> 00:27:42,375
"Nursed or bottle-fed?"
502
00:27:42,375 --> 00:27:43,291
Neither.
503
00:27:43,291 --> 00:27:44,541
Don't answer that.
504
00:27:45,666 --> 00:27:47,416
No, UNIVAC. No!
505
00:27:48,375 --> 00:27:50,416
- We talked about this.
506
00:27:52,208 --> 00:27:53,041
"Sea-Monkeys."
507
00:27:53,041 --> 00:27:55,625
"The real live fun pets
you grow yourself"?
508
00:27:55,625 --> 00:27:57,750
- Come on.
Here they are. So simple.
509
00:27:58,500 --> 00:28:00,500
You pour them in, stir the water...
510
00:28:02,333 --> 00:28:04,083
Behold, life.
511
00:28:04,750 --> 00:28:07,375
- Genius, no?
- And it's just dried-out shrimp eggs?
512
00:28:07,375 --> 00:28:10,583
Correct. Worthless. Yet the little ones
send me their allowance money.
513
00:28:10,583 --> 00:28:14,375
- Defrauding children. Lovely.
- Don't get me wrong. I love the children.
514
00:28:14,875 --> 00:28:18,208
Although due to a cruel prank of nature,
I can have none of my own.
515
00:28:18,208 --> 00:28:20,166
- What are you looking at?
516
00:28:20,750 --> 00:28:22,458
Don't you see I'm pouring my heart out?!
517
00:28:22,458 --> 00:28:24,208
Don't send me back to Italy.
518
00:28:24,208 --> 00:28:28,291
I have debts. Serious men want to hurt me.
519
00:28:29,166 --> 00:28:30,666
That's some good seafood.
520
00:28:31,458 --> 00:28:33,500
I thought you said these were geniuses.
521
00:28:33,500 --> 00:28:35,708
These were the geniuses that we could get.
522
00:28:36,208 --> 00:28:39,500
- I gotta talk to Jack about--
- That fruit juicer in his pants?
523
00:28:39,500 --> 00:28:40,875
Yeah, it's a focus puller.
524
00:28:40,875 --> 00:28:44,416
Does he go on TV like that? Do they shoot
him from the waist up like Elvis?
525
00:28:44,416 --> 00:28:46,416
I hope so.
526
00:28:49,958 --> 00:28:51,083
He's right.
527
00:28:59,291 --> 00:29:01,750
- So, how was your hotel?
- Oh, it's nice.
528
00:29:01,750 --> 00:29:03,166
They've got me at the Holiday Inn.
529
00:29:03,166 --> 00:29:05,166
Can't go wrong
with the Holiday Inn.
530
00:29:05,166 --> 00:29:07,083
Ice machines on every floor.
531
00:29:07,083 --> 00:29:09,250
Clean, paper bands
on the toilet seat.
532
00:29:09,250 --> 00:29:10,458
Classy operation.
533
00:29:11,208 --> 00:29:13,666
Okay, so just to be clear,
you want a smooth look.
534
00:29:13,666 --> 00:29:17,250
That gets weird too. I'm not a doll.
But I'll be one if you want me to be.
535
00:29:17,250 --> 00:29:18,791
Just do something. I don't care.
536
00:29:18,791 --> 00:29:21,000
- Ah! You got it, boss.
Okay.
537
00:29:26,958 --> 00:29:28,291
They got LaLanne?
538
00:29:30,416 --> 00:29:32,208
They're stacking the deck with ringers.
539
00:29:33,291 --> 00:29:34,791
I had them on their backs,
540
00:29:35,333 --> 00:29:37,000
flipped over like a turtle.
541
00:29:37,916 --> 00:29:40,791
- How long before we're on shelves?
- We're not out the lab yet.
542
00:29:40,791 --> 00:29:43,250
We're figuring out
what's causing the buttock rashes.
543
00:29:43,250 --> 00:29:46,791
You are a rash on my buttocks, Ludwin.
544
00:29:46,791 --> 00:29:50,000
- We also need a name.
- What's the best we have right now?
545
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:51,416
Well, we're down to three.
546
00:29:51,416 --> 00:29:55,291
Dextrose Dillies, Wonder Gels,
and Fresh Flatties.
547
00:29:56,083 --> 00:29:57,000
Hmm.
548
00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:00,125
Those are all pretty strong.
There's one clear winner.
549
00:30:00,125 --> 00:30:01,041
Yes.
550
00:30:01,041 --> 00:30:02,708
- Dextrose Dillies.
- Fresh Flatties.
551
00:30:03,208 --> 00:30:07,208
Ludwin, just get those
goddamn fruit flabby funk fritters,
552
00:30:07,208 --> 00:30:10,416
whatever the hell they're called,
out the door and down kids' throats.
553
00:30:10,416 --> 00:30:13,291
But, ma'am, we haven't even
negotiated for shelf space yet.
554
00:30:13,833 --> 00:30:14,958
Leave that to me.
555
00:30:16,250 --> 00:30:17,625
I like Funk Fritters.
556
00:30:17,625 --> 00:30:20,291
It's fun. Zippy. Let's go with that.
557
00:30:20,291 --> 00:30:22,541
Or let's go with this.
558
00:30:28,416 --> 00:30:31,708
Do you think we should've hired people
that know more about food?
559
00:30:31,708 --> 00:30:33,000
Could have.
560
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:38,666
Trumpets, fanfare, alarums,
for rehearsal is about to commence.
561
00:30:38,666 --> 00:30:41,916
This space has been reserved
for me and my players.
562
00:30:41,916 --> 00:30:43,166
To do what?
563
00:30:43,166 --> 00:30:44,791
Philip, a flyer, please.
564
00:30:46,166 --> 00:30:48,958
{\an8}"Kellogg's Cereals presents
Thurl Ravenscroft as King Lear."
565
00:30:48,958 --> 00:30:52,000
{\an8}"Entirely reconceived and reimagined
by Thurl Ravenscroft,
566
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,250
starring Thurl Ravenscroft."
567
00:30:54,250 --> 00:30:57,333
And then it just says
"Thurl Ravenscroft" again at the bottom.
568
00:30:57,333 --> 00:30:59,708
This is Shakespeare for the 1960s.
569
00:31:00,250 --> 00:31:02,583
God knows, as relevant now as ever was.
570
00:31:02,583 --> 00:31:04,833
Couldn't be more irrelevant.
571
00:31:05,791 --> 00:31:07,958
Thurl, you can't be here right now.
572
00:31:08,541 --> 00:31:10,625
I believe my contract is clear.
573
00:31:10,625 --> 00:31:13,458
I play your ridiculous box-top tiger
574
00:31:13,458 --> 00:31:19,500
in exchange for bringing some culture
to the lowborn, dirt-digging Michi-goon.
575
00:31:19,500 --> 00:31:20,666
You mean me?
576
00:31:20,666 --> 00:31:22,958
- I do.
- Stan, thank you.
577
00:31:24,166 --> 00:31:28,041
- Thurl, you are our most important star.
- Hmm.
578
00:31:28,041 --> 00:31:30,625
But we can't prioritize
the high arts right now.
579
00:31:30,625 --> 00:31:34,041
I see. How's the lab, Bob?
580
00:31:34,708 --> 00:31:36,500
Oh, the head temperature.
581
00:31:37,125 --> 00:31:40,333
Great news. They think they can put
a coolant pump in your jowls.
582
00:31:40,333 --> 00:31:41,333
Can they?
583
00:31:41,333 --> 00:31:42,291
No.
584
00:31:42,875 --> 00:31:43,875
Hmm.
585
00:31:43,875 --> 00:31:45,333
I like your Burger King crown.
586
00:31:45,333 --> 00:31:47,833
I like your hairdo.
You look like a telephone.
587
00:31:47,833 --> 00:31:49,541
I like your patchy mustache.
588
00:31:49,541 --> 00:31:52,750
- I like your patchy mustache.
- I like your cadaver teeth.
589
00:31:56,625 --> 00:31:58,958
Beware of entrance to a quarrel.
590
00:32:00,083 --> 00:32:01,416
But once in it...
591
00:32:03,541 --> 00:32:04,583
beware of me.
592
00:32:06,333 --> 00:32:09,500
- What are you, some kind of ding-dong?
- And I'm gone.
593
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,125
Excuse me. Mr. Kellogg needs you.
594
00:32:12,125 --> 00:32:14,416
A meeting of the five cereal families
has been called.
595
00:32:14,416 --> 00:32:15,375
By who?
596
00:32:15,375 --> 00:32:18,250
Who do you think?
Marge Post is making her move.
597
00:32:21,625 --> 00:32:23,375
I'd like to thank you all for coming.
598
00:32:23,958 --> 00:32:25,083
General Mills,
599
00:32:25,750 --> 00:32:26,583
Ralston,
600
00:32:27,208 --> 00:32:28,333
Quaker,
601
00:32:28,333 --> 00:32:29,250
and Kellogg's.
602
00:32:30,291 --> 00:32:33,833
And thanks to Ernie Keebler
for providing the Fudge Stripes.
603
00:32:34,708 --> 00:32:36,041
Are the snacks complimentary?
604
00:32:36,041 --> 00:32:37,833
- Let's just pay attention.
- Right.
605
00:32:37,833 --> 00:32:40,166
Spare us the frosting, Marge.
Just get to it.
606
00:32:40,166 --> 00:32:42,500
And that is why I called this meeting.
607
00:32:43,250 --> 00:32:44,375
Respect.
608
00:32:45,125 --> 00:32:49,708
We at the Post company have
finally broken the fruit pastry barrier.
609
00:32:49,708 --> 00:32:52,875
- Because you stole our research.
- Nevertheless.
610
00:32:52,875 --> 00:32:57,166
Why can't this technology be generic
so that we all can wet our spoons?
611
00:32:57,166 --> 00:32:59,666
- Like we did with Raisin Bran.
- Not this time.
612
00:33:00,375 --> 00:33:02,166
These are my new terms.
613
00:33:02,166 --> 00:33:05,333
From now on,
Post gets premium shelf space.
614
00:33:05,333 --> 00:33:08,000
Nothing near kosher foods or cat chow.
615
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:12,333
Saturday morning cartoons,
I want Deputy Dawg and Snagglepuss.
616
00:33:12,333 --> 00:33:13,625
Oh, come on, Marge!
617
00:33:13,625 --> 00:33:17,625
And I want out of Claymation characters
with religious themes.
618
00:33:17,625 --> 00:33:19,250
It's a snoozer.
619
00:33:19,250 --> 00:33:21,250
Oh, you can put my name on those.
620
00:33:21,250 --> 00:33:23,958
How do we know this thing
is even producible in quantities?
621
00:33:23,958 --> 00:33:26,708
You'll know it when you see it
on store shelves next week
622
00:33:26,708 --> 00:33:28,333
and then flying off them.
623
00:33:29,291 --> 00:33:31,958
Always a little surprise inside,
right, Eddie?
624
00:33:36,791 --> 00:33:39,333
Next week? I... I thought we had months.
625
00:33:41,500 --> 00:33:44,291
What was that? You don't like him, do you?
626
00:33:44,291 --> 00:33:47,541
It could never be, Ludwin.
A Post and a Kellogg, it's forbidden.
627
00:33:47,541 --> 00:33:49,625
Wouldn't that make it sexier?
628
00:33:49,625 --> 00:33:51,666
I hope you die in a car fire.
629
00:33:53,541 --> 00:33:56,083
We're dead. My legacy.
630
00:33:56,083 --> 00:33:57,291
My sod.
631
00:33:58,750 --> 00:34:01,500
It's a bold move to put
chocolate on top of a cookie.
632
00:34:01,500 --> 00:34:04,875
'Cause it's something already sweet,
and then you're doubling down on it.
633
00:34:04,875 --> 00:34:07,125
But I guess
you can never get enough sugar.
634
00:34:08,750 --> 00:34:11,375
Unless you can't get enough.
Pack your bags.
635
00:34:11,375 --> 00:34:13,916
We're gonna put a kink
in Post's garden hose.
636
00:34:26,291 --> 00:34:28,250
Just so you know,
he's very dangerous.
637
00:34:28,250 --> 00:34:30,458
And he loves live entertainment.
638
00:34:30,458 --> 00:34:32,958
And he controls 99% of the world's sugar?
639
00:34:32,958 --> 00:34:36,416
He's a very important man.
They call him El Sucre.
640
00:34:37,041 --> 00:34:40,208
Ah, my Kellogg's friends. Please.
641
00:34:40,208 --> 00:34:42,375
El Sucre, so good to see you again.
642
00:34:42,375 --> 00:34:43,750
Amazing house.
643
00:34:43,750 --> 00:34:47,041
Oh, well, thank you.
But the grout on the patio is not right.
644
00:34:47,708 --> 00:34:51,000
These tile guys.
It was supposed to be a white white.
645
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:54,375
It's more of an off-white.
They have to redo the whole thing.
646
00:34:54,375 --> 00:34:56,916
They show you so many samples,
you make yourself crazy.
647
00:34:57,875 --> 00:34:58,958
You say I'm crazy?
648
00:35:03,250 --> 00:35:04,083
No.
649
00:35:05,583 --> 00:35:10,083
El Sucre, we want to
significantly increase our monthly sugar.
650
00:35:10,083 --> 00:35:12,666
Yes. My special white powder
gets a grip on you, no?
651
00:35:12,666 --> 00:35:14,458
But business can wait.
652
00:35:14,458 --> 00:35:18,666
In this hard life, we must also enjoy, no?
A little entertainment, hmm?
653
00:35:18,666 --> 00:35:22,375
From Cal Neva Lodge in Nevada,
please welcome Eddie Mink and Danny.
654
00:35:22,375 --> 00:35:24,333
Uh...
655
00:35:24,333 --> 00:35:25,625
Thank you very much.
656
00:35:26,875 --> 00:35:27,875
Hey, Danny.
657
00:35:27,875 --> 00:35:29,791
How about this beautiful house?
658
00:35:29,791 --> 00:35:32,625
Yeah, if you don't mind the bad grout job.
659
00:35:32,625 --> 00:35:34,583
Oh, he went right to it.
660
00:35:34,583 --> 00:35:36,333
What's the big deal?
661
00:35:36,333 --> 00:35:38,208
There are blobs. It's all--
662
00:35:39,791 --> 00:35:42,541
Such a hard job, making people laugh.
663
00:35:42,541 --> 00:35:43,625
But so important.
664
00:35:43,625 --> 00:35:45,833
Anyway, gentlemen, back to business. Hmm?
665
00:35:51,291 --> 00:35:52,291
Hmm.
666
00:35:52,291 --> 00:35:55,708
- El Sucre, sugar is why we came.
Yes, it is why everyone comes.
667
00:35:55,708 --> 00:35:58,291
- How much are we talking?
- We want all of it.
668
00:35:58,291 --> 00:36:00,875
So you're finally
going to finish off Post.
669
00:36:01,375 --> 00:36:02,791
That will cost you quite a bit.
670
00:36:02,791 --> 00:36:05,958
We have something very big coming out.
Money will not be an issue.
671
00:36:05,958 --> 00:36:06,875
Oh. I know it won't.
672
00:36:06,875 --> 00:36:10,416
Because in my business, we have a saying.
"Pay us, or we kill you."
673
00:36:11,083 --> 00:36:12,666
- Appreciate it.
Yes.
674
00:36:13,208 --> 00:36:16,541
- All right, then. Then there we have it.
- Yes.
675
00:36:16,541 --> 00:36:19,833
Okay. Thank you for, uh,
you know, the spread and--
676
00:36:19,833 --> 00:36:21,208
No, please. Thank you for coming.
677
00:36:21,208 --> 00:36:23,625
And good luck
with everything that you're doing,
678
00:36:23,625 --> 00:36:25,666
which we didn't have
a chance to talk about.
679
00:36:25,666 --> 00:36:27,000
Next time.
680
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:28,416
Eh...
681
00:36:30,375 --> 00:36:32,208
I'm dying, Eddie!
682
00:36:33,666 --> 00:36:35,208
You done good, kid.
683
00:36:35,208 --> 00:36:38,666
- You done real good.
- I can't believe he's still doing the act.
684
00:36:38,666 --> 00:36:40,208
- He's a professional.
- Mmm.
685
00:36:42,125 --> 00:36:44,208
You bought all of it?
- All of it.
686
00:36:44,208 --> 00:36:47,041
I mean, that's a lot of sugar
and a lot of money.
687
00:36:47,041 --> 00:36:49,250
And you don't play with El Sucre.
688
00:36:49,250 --> 00:36:51,916
- It's going to work.
- It already has.
689
00:36:52,708 --> 00:36:53,791
Let me see.
690
00:36:56,583 --> 00:37:00,416
No smoke out of the stacks.
They're not making anything.
691
00:37:01,041 --> 00:37:02,083
Oh, this is good.
692
00:37:04,583 --> 00:37:06,708
This is very good.
693
00:37:11,291 --> 00:37:14,708
- Are you okay, ma'am?
- Of course. Did you find us any sugar?
694
00:37:14,708 --> 00:37:16,625
I might have something better.
695
00:37:16,625 --> 00:37:20,375
It's an artificial sweetener.
They call it Carcin-O-Sweet.
696
00:37:20,375 --> 00:37:22,833
A thousand times sweeter than sugar.
697
00:37:22,833 --> 00:37:25,750
But the health problems
are off the charts.
698
00:37:25,750 --> 00:37:29,375
Darty eyes, gout,
tongue loss, night terrors, night sweats,
699
00:37:29,375 --> 00:37:31,916
and, our old friend, buttock rashes.
700
00:37:31,916 --> 00:37:33,041
Stop.
701
00:37:35,875 --> 00:37:37,583
Okay. Uh, what about this?
702
00:37:37,583 --> 00:37:40,000
What if we completely change direction?
703
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:41,291
Eliminate all sugar.
704
00:37:41,291 --> 00:37:44,958
Become the first
healthy lifestyle breakfast brand.
705
00:37:44,958 --> 00:37:47,083
Make a negative a positive.
706
00:37:47,875 --> 00:37:49,083
For the children.
707
00:37:49,083 --> 00:37:51,708
Imagine a new American generation,
708
00:37:52,666 --> 00:37:55,750
fit, healthy, even-tempered.
709
00:37:55,750 --> 00:37:57,791
So, what do you think?
710
00:38:07,083 --> 00:38:07,958
Mmm.
711
00:38:23,333 --> 00:38:26,791
- Something I can help you with?
- No, I was just admiring your rig.
712
00:38:26,791 --> 00:38:27,708
Sweet ride.
713
00:38:27,708 --> 00:38:28,958
Sure is.
714
00:38:29,666 --> 00:38:32,375
You know, it's the calcium
in milk that keeps bones strong.
715
00:38:32,375 --> 00:38:35,166
- Uh-huh.
- Without milk, bones can break.
716
00:38:35,166 --> 00:38:36,916
They just snap.
717
00:38:37,416 --> 00:38:40,041
- Have a good day, Mr. Cabana.
- Yeah. You... you too.
718
00:38:43,375 --> 00:38:46,041
We don't have much time.
How close are the taste pilots?
719
00:38:46,041 --> 00:38:47,333
They're very, very far away.
720
00:38:47,333 --> 00:38:50,458
Maybe they're so far away
they're closer than they realize.
721
00:38:51,458 --> 00:38:53,250
I don't think he listens to you.
722
00:38:53,833 --> 00:38:55,750
What's that?
- I said that--
723
00:38:55,750 --> 00:38:57,250
Okay, Steve, showtime.
724
00:38:57,250 --> 00:39:00,916
I haven't been able
to come up with any food things per se.
725
00:39:00,916 --> 00:39:03,708
But I built this new Sting-Ray bike
726
00:39:03,708 --> 00:39:07,041
that's smaller and easier
for a kid to handle.
727
00:39:07,041 --> 00:39:08,041
What?
728
00:39:08,958 --> 00:39:12,125
It doesn't matter what you make.
It matters what you call it.
729
00:39:12,125 --> 00:39:15,791
Which is why we should call
our new product Kellogg's Puss.
730
00:39:16,625 --> 00:39:19,166
Is that an ice cream cake of me?
731
00:39:19,166 --> 00:39:20,208
Yes.
732
00:39:20,208 --> 00:39:23,291
- I see no wasted time here.
- You got the nose right.
733
00:39:23,875 --> 00:39:25,291
Well, in addition to our mission,
734
00:39:25,291 --> 00:39:29,125
I realized that I was on the wrong track
pants-wise until a friend set me straight.
735
00:39:29,125 --> 00:39:32,500
That's why I invented
the Kellogg's Sauna Suit,
736
00:39:32,500 --> 00:39:36,833
foil-lined inflatable weight-loss pants
that lock in heat and moisture
737
00:39:36,833 --> 00:39:40,416
and say to the world,
"Hey, eyes up here, not down there."
738
00:39:43,083 --> 00:39:45,166
Inspired by his ravioli,
739
00:39:45,166 --> 00:39:50,083
we have crimped the pastry edge square
to hold the jelly in.
740
00:39:50,083 --> 00:39:53,541
- That's something.
- I call it the Kellogg's Fruit Monkey.
741
00:39:55,125 --> 00:39:56,333
Ah.
742
00:39:57,541 --> 00:39:58,750
Ooh.
- Whoa.
743
00:39:58,750 --> 00:40:01,166
What do you do? Why is it moving?
744
00:40:01,166 --> 00:40:03,541
I made Sea-Monkey ravioli.
745
00:40:03,541 --> 00:40:06,916
- They put the Sea-Monkeys inside.
- I said strawberries, you fool.
746
00:40:06,916 --> 00:40:09,416
Uh-oh, SpaghettiOs.
747
00:40:09,916 --> 00:40:12,833
I've entered all the data
into UNIVAC to analyze.
748
00:40:16,208 --> 00:40:17,125
"Post wins."
749
00:40:19,166 --> 00:40:22,166
I didn't need
a million-dollar abacus to tell me that.
750
00:40:23,125 --> 00:40:24,041
It's garbage.
751
00:40:25,041 --> 00:40:26,083
All garbage.
752
00:40:30,500 --> 00:40:33,291
- Now what?
- Now what? You were my now what.
753
00:40:33,291 --> 00:40:36,416
These guys were your now what.
You tell me now what.
754
00:40:36,416 --> 00:40:38,208
So, are we done?
755
00:40:38,708 --> 00:40:41,416
I just moved my whole family here.
756
00:40:41,416 --> 00:40:43,333
My... my wife is in a reading group.
757
00:40:43,333 --> 00:40:44,625
She chose the book.
758
00:40:44,625 --> 00:40:46,833
I was going to the moon, Schwinn.
759
00:40:46,833 --> 00:40:48,416
I was going to Argentina.
760
00:40:58,500 --> 00:40:59,833
Ow!
761
00:40:59,833 --> 00:41:01,541
Oh, hi, Mr. Cabana.
762
00:41:01,541 --> 00:41:03,625
Butchie, Cathy,
what are you guys doing here?
763
00:41:03,625 --> 00:41:05,583
Why-- Why aren't you
in the Post dumpsters?
764
00:41:05,583 --> 00:41:08,125
They started spraying
coyote urine to keep us out.
765
00:41:08,125 --> 00:41:11,625
Oh, that's a shame. Well, you won't find
anything good in our trash.
766
00:41:11,625 --> 00:41:14,166
- Oh yeah? Look at this.
- What is that?
767
00:41:14,166 --> 00:41:16,666
It's stale Rice Krispies
and melted marshmallows.
768
00:41:16,666 --> 00:41:17,875
It's a treat.
769
00:41:17,875 --> 00:41:20,333
You know, Bob,
we've been through this before.
770
00:41:20,333 --> 00:41:24,166
When you're dealing with garbage, you have
to let go of conventional expectation.
771
00:41:24,166 --> 00:41:26,083
Just combine whatever you have.
772
00:41:26,083 --> 00:41:28,708
You kids sure get philosophical
in these dumpsters.
773
00:41:35,708 --> 00:41:37,333
Combine whatever you have.
774
00:41:47,166 --> 00:41:49,125
Boy, they don't pull any punches.
775
00:41:49,125 --> 00:41:51,583
- You ever eaten garbage, Stan?
- Sure.
776
00:41:51,583 --> 00:41:55,166
You let go of all your expectations
and just combine whatever you have.
777
00:41:55,666 --> 00:41:57,000
Let me show you something.
778
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,000
Chef Boyardee and Sea-Monkey Guy,
779
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:04,458
the clever crimping
of the pastry edge to seal in the filling.
780
00:42:04,458 --> 00:42:07,208
Tom Carvel, the importance of the name.
781
00:42:07,208 --> 00:42:08,708
Okay. Okay.
782
00:42:09,291 --> 00:42:11,166
So, Jack LaLanne,
783
00:42:11,166 --> 00:42:14,416
metal-lined hot pants,
keeping his fruits moist and fresh.
784
00:42:14,416 --> 00:42:15,958
Yes. UNIVAC.
785
00:42:15,958 --> 00:42:18,750
The punch cards,
rectangular shape with holes in it.
786
00:42:18,750 --> 00:42:21,375
And Steve Schwinn, sweet little Steve,
787
00:42:21,375 --> 00:42:24,041
who invents things
that are easy for kids to handle.
788
00:42:24,041 --> 00:42:26,250
And maybe they can't handle an oven.
789
00:42:26,250 --> 00:42:29,250
- But they can handle a toaster.
- A toaster.
790
00:42:29,250 --> 00:42:30,250
Yah!
791
00:42:30,250 --> 00:42:32,333
Which means two-per-foil pack...
792
00:42:33,333 --> 00:42:34,541
...rectangular shape,
793
00:42:35,125 --> 00:42:36,250
crimped edges,
794
00:42:36,250 --> 00:42:37,416
fruit-filled,
795
00:42:38,208 --> 00:42:39,291
and a catchy name.
796
00:42:39,291 --> 00:42:40,458
Press the handle down.
797
00:42:42,666 --> 00:42:46,333
Stan, my friend, I believe
we have split the atom of breakfast.
798
00:42:52,250 --> 00:42:54,083
♪ Let's do the twist ♪
799
00:42:55,666 --> 00:42:58,250
♪ Come on, baby ♪
800
00:42:58,250 --> 00:42:59,958
♪ Let's do the twist ♪
801
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:02,541
♪ Take me by my little hand... ♪
802
00:43:04,458 --> 00:43:06,166
♪ And go like this ♪
803
00:43:06,958 --> 00:43:09,333
♪ E-yah twist ♪
804
00:43:09,958 --> 00:43:11,458
♪ Baby, baby, twist... ♪
805
00:43:11,458 --> 00:43:13,333
That Carvel does a pretty good twist.
806
00:43:13,333 --> 00:43:17,125
- That's how his ice cream comes out.
- Seems lewd, animalistic.
807
00:43:17,125 --> 00:43:20,250
- Girls love guys that can do the twist.
- Why?
808
00:43:20,250 --> 00:43:23,208
The shoulder motion
in opposition to the hip rotation.
809
00:43:23,208 --> 00:43:24,958
It implies financial stability.
810
00:43:24,958 --> 00:43:26,833
Mmm.
- Oh.
811
00:43:27,791 --> 00:43:31,041
You know, Boyardee,
our Sea-Monkey creation is evolving.
812
00:43:31,041 --> 00:43:33,333
I put him in an aquarium and he swam.
813
00:43:33,875 --> 00:43:34,708
So happy.
814
00:43:34,708 --> 00:43:37,166
It's a miracle. He's a real boy.
815
00:43:38,333 --> 00:43:40,833
Whatever he is,
he belongs in a can.
816
00:43:42,500 --> 00:43:45,333
So how close are we
to an edible prototype?
817
00:43:45,333 --> 00:43:48,541
I can tell you when
we're not gonna have it, tomorrow morning.
818
00:43:48,541 --> 00:43:50,666
- I need a pants chug! Whoo!
819
00:43:50,666 --> 00:43:53,916
Pants chug!
Pants chug! Pants chug!
820
00:44:23,333 --> 00:44:27,125
Sugar. We need sugar, Ludwin.
What did the Hawaiians say?
821
00:44:27,125 --> 00:44:29,541
They need everything
they have for those pineapple rings.
822
00:44:29,541 --> 00:44:31,666
- Sugar Ray Robinson?
- No, just a nickname.
823
00:44:31,666 --> 00:44:33,875
- Really?
- If only we could get to Cuba.
824
00:44:33,875 --> 00:44:36,750
Cuba? I know who may be able to help.
825
00:44:37,375 --> 00:44:40,458
But he's a short, ill-tempered
bald man with a twisted mind.
826
00:44:40,458 --> 00:44:43,208
- Uncle Fester?
- No. But I like that show.
827
00:44:43,208 --> 00:44:44,750
Pack your bags, Ludwin.
828
00:44:44,750 --> 00:44:46,583
We're going to Moscow.
829
00:44:59,875 --> 00:45:04,458
Thank you so much for helping us
with our little sugar problem, Nikita.
830
00:45:06,750 --> 00:45:09,791
He wants badly know,
how hold up deal on your end?
831
00:45:09,791 --> 00:45:13,250
Now, you asked
for a fun American-style children's cereal
832
00:45:13,250 --> 00:45:15,666
for Soviet Russia, and we heard you.
833
00:45:15,666 --> 00:45:17,791
But we're not listening
or spying or anything.
834
00:45:18,416 --> 00:45:22,250
It's no secret
Russian children like beets.
835
00:45:22,250 --> 00:45:23,708
So they'll love
836
00:45:24,708 --> 00:45:25,750
Borscht Loops.
837
00:45:28,666 --> 00:45:30,208
Okay. Next up,
838
00:45:30,791 --> 00:45:31,958
Krumb-Lins.
839
00:45:31,958 --> 00:45:33,166
Nothing but crumbs.
840
00:45:34,500 --> 00:45:35,541
And, finally,
841
00:45:35,541 --> 00:45:39,708
say hello to everyone's favorite
liquor-based cereal treat,
842
00:45:40,333 --> 00:45:42,250
Count Vodkulas.
843
00:45:42,250 --> 00:45:44,791
"I want to eat your cereal."
844
00:45:44,791 --> 00:45:45,958
Shut up.
845
00:45:46,458 --> 00:45:47,791
Would you like to try one?
846
00:45:47,791 --> 00:45:48,833
Hmm.
847
00:45:51,708 --> 00:45:52,666
You taste first.
848
00:45:53,625 --> 00:45:55,791
People try to poison Mr. Khrushchev.
849
00:45:57,083 --> 00:45:57,916
Try it, Ludwin.
850
00:45:58,666 --> 00:46:00,875
But this has been out
of our sight since customs.
851
00:46:00,875 --> 00:46:01,958
Eat it.
852
00:46:10,250 --> 00:46:11,291
Mmm.
853
00:46:14,125 --> 00:46:15,083
Is deal.
854
00:46:15,083 --> 00:46:18,708
Terrific. When can we expect
our first sugar shipment?
855
00:46:21,875 --> 00:46:25,375
He says it all depends on
whether you make the sex with him tonight.
856
00:46:25,375 --> 00:46:26,333
Wow.
857
00:46:27,500 --> 00:46:28,916
- Ma'am.
- Mm-hmm.
858
00:46:28,916 --> 00:46:31,291
- We really need that sugar.
- You wanna do it?
859
00:46:31,291 --> 00:46:34,166
No. But I ate the poison cereal
and I'm fine.
860
00:46:36,083 --> 00:46:37,541
Oh.
861
00:46:52,083 --> 00:46:53,583
Quick question.
862
00:46:53,583 --> 00:46:55,458
You think this milk's still okay to drink?
863
00:46:55,458 --> 00:46:57,541
- What? How would I know?
Smell it.
864
00:46:59,083 --> 00:47:00,083
It's not good.
865
00:47:00,666 --> 00:47:02,125
What's the expiration?
866
00:47:03,791 --> 00:47:05,333
July 3rd.
867
00:47:18,750 --> 00:47:19,666
Rise and shine.
868
00:47:25,791 --> 00:47:29,083
Welcome to Friendly Farms, Mr. Cabana,
869
00:47:29,083 --> 00:47:31,833
where life begins.
870
00:47:37,916 --> 00:47:41,416
That milk you smelled
expired five weeks ago.
871
00:47:42,083 --> 00:47:43,375
Another minute,
872
00:47:43,375 --> 00:47:45,625
and you wouldn't be smelling
anything right now.
873
00:47:45,625 --> 00:47:49,333
- Are you a milkman?
- The name's Harry Friendly.
874
00:47:50,375 --> 00:47:52,458
And you might say I am the milkman.
875
00:47:53,833 --> 00:47:57,125
You know the first taste
a human being experiences at birth?
876
00:47:57,625 --> 00:47:59,208
- Applesauce?
- Oh.
877
00:48:00,583 --> 00:48:02,458
Milk, Mr. Cabana.
878
00:48:02,458 --> 00:48:03,375
Right.
879
00:48:03,375 --> 00:48:07,416
And in the milk business, we are not
just part of the American dream.
880
00:48:07,416 --> 00:48:10,416
We are the white
in the red, white, and blue.
881
00:48:10,416 --> 00:48:14,166
We are the cream
that rises so famously to the top,
882
00:48:14,166 --> 00:48:16,750
and you, Mr. Cabana,
883
00:48:16,750 --> 00:48:22,000
have become the annoying white ring
that sticks to the bottom.
884
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,291
Because despite all your years
in the breakfast game,
885
00:48:24,291 --> 00:48:26,375
you seem to have missed something.
886
00:48:28,208 --> 00:48:30,833
There's no cereal business without us.
887
00:48:30,833 --> 00:48:34,500
So you can see
how it really frosts my huevos
888
00:48:34,500 --> 00:48:39,000
to see you relieving yourself
in our flowing rivers of white gold.
889
00:48:40,083 --> 00:48:41,666
How long we known each other, Bob?
890
00:48:41,666 --> 00:48:44,041
Since you captured me.
891
00:48:44,041 --> 00:48:44,958
Oh.
892
00:48:44,958 --> 00:48:46,000
What to do?
893
00:48:48,250 --> 00:48:49,083
What to do?
894
00:48:50,291 --> 00:48:54,458
Ah! Just so you don't forget
about me and the boys here,
895
00:48:54,458 --> 00:48:55,833
walk him down the aisle.
896
00:48:55,833 --> 00:48:57,291
He's a family man, sir.
897
00:48:57,291 --> 00:48:58,875
I said the aisle!
898
00:48:58,875 --> 00:49:02,250
The aisle? What's the aisle?
Like in a movie theater or a concert hall?
899
00:49:02,250 --> 00:49:04,625
Oh, there's gonna be a concert.
900
00:49:21,416 --> 00:49:22,833
Bob?
901
00:49:22,833 --> 00:49:24,166
One more minute.
902
00:49:24,166 --> 00:49:26,875
Honey, you've been
in there for over an hour.
903
00:49:26,875 --> 00:49:28,583
I'm sure you're clean.
904
00:49:28,583 --> 00:49:29,875
But my mind!
905
00:49:30,458 --> 00:49:32,875
How do I wash it out of my mind?
906
00:49:34,250 --> 00:49:36,833
And how is my baby today?
907
00:49:36,833 --> 00:49:39,041
Daddy brought breakfast, my yum-yum.
908
00:49:45,375 --> 00:49:48,958
It's gone. What have you done with him,
you noodle-sucking garlic knot?
909
00:49:48,958 --> 00:49:51,708
I have traditional holiday cake.
910
00:49:53,916 --> 00:49:54,750
He's in the walls.
911
00:49:57,333 --> 00:49:58,416
Little one?
912
00:49:59,250 --> 00:50:00,791
I have fishy food for you.
913
00:50:01,666 --> 00:50:03,666
Fishy food for you!
914
00:50:04,583 --> 00:50:05,583
Come and see.
915
00:50:10,333 --> 00:50:12,916
- I didn't know who else to call.
- You did the right thing.
916
00:50:15,125 --> 00:50:16,000
Oh.
917
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:18,541
- Hey, guys.
- What did they do to you?
918
00:50:18,541 --> 00:50:20,583
They made me walk the aisle.
919
00:50:20,583 --> 00:50:22,500
- Oh.
- Those lactose lowlifes.
920
00:50:22,500 --> 00:50:24,750
Well, you're not the only one
to take a hit.
921
00:50:24,750 --> 00:50:28,708
Our first payment to El Sucre was late,
and somehow he gave me diabetes.
922
00:50:28,708 --> 00:50:29,833
I'm sorry. What?
923
00:50:29,833 --> 00:50:32,750
Oh yeah. I just came from the doctor.
924
00:50:32,750 --> 00:50:35,625
Ugh! Look, nobody said
this was gonna be easy.
925
00:50:35,625 --> 00:50:38,375
We had a day at NASA
where we lost Gus Grissom
926
00:50:38,375 --> 00:50:40,791
and our best space monkey in one accident.
927
00:50:41,333 --> 00:50:44,791
And their dental records
were so damn similar
928
00:50:44,791 --> 00:50:47,291
that it was gonna take weeks to sort out.
929
00:50:47,291 --> 00:50:49,833
Are... are you telling us
there are monkey parts
930
00:50:49,833 --> 00:50:53,208
mixed in with the remains
of Commander Gus Grissom?
931
00:50:53,208 --> 00:50:55,833
- That's classified.
But you just told us.
932
00:50:55,833 --> 00:50:58,000
No, I didn't.
- Yeah, you did. You were there--
933
00:50:58,000 --> 00:50:59,583
- You said it. I--
- Enough.
934
00:51:00,166 --> 00:51:02,666
Listen, guys, I'm out of the project.
935
00:51:02,666 --> 00:51:05,958
- What?
- It's too much. It's gone too far.
936
00:51:05,958 --> 00:51:09,666
And nobody cares about some stupid
heatable breakfast rectangle anyway.
937
00:51:13,208 --> 00:51:14,666
- Honey?
- What is going on?
938
00:51:16,958 --> 00:51:20,250
- Something's landing on the lawn.
- That's gonna ruin your yard.
939
00:51:24,791 --> 00:51:26,416
- Are you guys Kellogg's?
Yes.
940
00:51:26,416 --> 00:51:30,041
Orders to bring you to the White House.
The president needs to see you. Let's go.
941
00:51:30,041 --> 00:51:30,958
Go.
942
00:51:33,083 --> 00:51:33,958
Can I change?
943
00:51:33,958 --> 00:51:35,541
- There's no time.
- Ah!
944
00:51:40,875 --> 00:51:41,750
Oh!
945
00:51:41,750 --> 00:51:43,666
For the love of God!
946
00:51:49,375 --> 00:51:53,250
You know, I had political ambitions,
but my mom said I wasn't likable.
947
00:51:53,250 --> 00:51:56,166
- Your mom sounds like a great lady.
- The best.
948
00:51:56,916 --> 00:51:58,500
What the hell are you wearing?
949
00:51:58,500 --> 00:52:00,833
It was all they had for me. It was Taft's.
950
00:52:00,833 --> 00:52:03,541
William Howard Taft,
first 300-pound president.
951
00:52:03,541 --> 00:52:06,333
There's a half-eaten Baby Ruth
in the pocket.
952
00:52:06,333 --> 00:52:08,291
Well, chew it slowly. That's history.
953
00:52:10,625 --> 00:52:14,833
- It's good to see you Kellogg's boys.
- I... Never mind.
954
00:52:14,833 --> 00:52:18,458
Have you fellas ever considered
calling a cereal Jackie O's?
955
00:52:18,458 --> 00:52:20,916
Just a pitch,
but I think she'd get a kick out of it.
956
00:52:20,916 --> 00:52:24,125
Thank you, sir. We'll certainly
take a good hard look at that.
957
00:52:24,125 --> 00:52:27,875
Yeah, I'm kind of in the doghouse since
you-know-who sang "Happy Birthday" to me.
958
00:52:27,875 --> 00:52:30,166
Anyway, we have been informed
959
00:52:30,166 --> 00:52:33,708
that those hacks over at Post
are now working with the goddamn Ruskies.
960
00:52:33,708 --> 00:52:35,625
Well, why would they do that?
961
00:52:35,625 --> 00:52:39,166
Well, obviously because you nitwits
cut off their sugar supply.
962
00:52:39,166 --> 00:52:42,583
Now Khrushchev is trying to help them
get it through Communist Cuba.
963
00:52:42,583 --> 00:52:44,083
Whole damn island is sugarcane.
964
00:52:44,083 --> 00:52:47,333
The idea of our American children
waking up in the morning
965
00:52:47,333 --> 00:52:50,125
to a commie breakfast pastry
really burns my britches.
966
00:52:50,125 --> 00:52:53,750
They were already burning due to the
aforementioned blonde in the sequin dress.
967
00:52:53,750 --> 00:52:56,500
You have to win.
Are you making any progress?
968
00:52:56,500 --> 00:52:59,041
- Progress? Show him, Stan.
- Okay.
969
00:53:01,041 --> 00:53:02,500
It's not to scale, but...
970
00:53:03,166 --> 00:53:05,291
Astonishing.
What are you guys, five years old?
971
00:53:05,875 --> 00:53:09,500
Little John-John draws better than that.
And I think something's wrong with him.
972
00:53:09,500 --> 00:53:13,666
Mr. President, to be perfectly honest,
we could really use some help.
973
00:53:13,666 --> 00:53:15,000
Let me get this straight.
974
00:53:15,500 --> 00:53:18,625
- Did you ask me what I could do for you?
- Well--
975
00:53:18,625 --> 00:53:21,708
Because I thought I made it
perfectly clear in my inaugural address--
976
00:53:21,708 --> 00:53:23,166
- You did.
- Great speech.
977
00:53:23,166 --> 00:53:27,375
"Ask not." What could be clearer?
It's two words. It means don't ask.
978
00:53:27,375 --> 00:53:30,791
So, not asking, but how about a story?
979
00:53:31,375 --> 00:53:32,583
Once upon a time,
980
00:53:32,583 --> 00:53:35,750
there was a really nice cereal company
981
00:53:35,750 --> 00:53:38,750
that had a problem with organized milk.
982
00:53:38,750 --> 00:53:41,375
Okay, I get it.
I will instruct my brother Bobby
983
00:53:41,375 --> 00:53:43,375
to tighten the screws
on those cow huggers.
984
00:53:43,375 --> 00:53:44,750
But not because you asked.
985
00:53:44,750 --> 00:53:48,625
We won't let you down, Mr. President.
We're gonna do for you like you said.
986
00:53:49,208 --> 00:53:50,291
- Oy vey.
987
00:53:50,291 --> 00:53:52,541
Sir,
your next appointment is here.
988
00:53:53,250 --> 00:53:55,250
- Uh, who is it?
The Doublemint Twins.
989
00:53:57,958 --> 00:54:00,250
- In the, uh, outfits?
- Ew.
990
00:54:00,250 --> 00:54:02,791
Yes, Mr. President.
They are in the outfits.
991
00:54:02,791 --> 00:54:06,708
Gentlemen, if you will excuse me,
it's time for an, uh, executive privilege.
992
00:54:08,375 --> 00:54:10,625
- May I keep this?
- Ask not.
993
00:54:11,250 --> 00:54:12,083
Right.
994
00:54:12,666 --> 00:54:15,333
I assume Jackie's still out buying hats?
995
00:54:19,041 --> 00:54:20,666
I tried to raise them up.
996
00:54:21,583 --> 00:54:22,791
I brought them Lear.
997
00:54:23,708 --> 00:54:27,875
- And they shooed me out, like a fowl wind.
- Well, it doesn't bother me.
998
00:54:27,875 --> 00:54:31,375
Trouble keeps me in business.
I love other people's anguish.
999
00:54:31,958 --> 00:54:34,958
Shame. I had tickets for opening night.
1000
00:54:37,083 --> 00:54:40,583
- I'm sorry?
- I saw your 12 Angry Men one-man show.
1001
00:54:40,583 --> 00:54:45,166
Oh yes? I felt I never really captured
the anger of men six through nine.
1002
00:54:45,166 --> 00:54:46,666
Profound nonetheless.
1003
00:54:47,875 --> 00:54:48,875
May I?
1004
00:54:49,583 --> 00:54:52,791
- Mike Diamond. Friendly Farms.
- Thurl Ethan Ravenscroft.
1005
00:54:52,791 --> 00:54:56,000
Those, uh, tickets
are nonrefundable, by the way.
1006
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:59,916
Uncouth Kellogg's vulgarians.
Personally, I think their product line
1007
00:54:59,916 --> 00:55:02,291
goes nowhere
without those talented mascots.
1008
00:55:02,291 --> 00:55:03,916
Whoever they are.
1009
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:06,250
Yeah, they're all pretty good.
1010
00:55:06,250 --> 00:55:10,208
But Tony the Tiger,
he's the rudder on that ship.
1011
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:13,916
Pathetic sugar shills.
1012
00:55:13,916 --> 00:55:15,208
Pathetic, I suppose,
1013
00:55:15,208 --> 00:55:18,375
if 14 straight quarters
of record profits is pathetic.
1014
00:55:18,375 --> 00:55:23,208
Those mascot buffoons won't be getting
their four-finger mitts on any of that.
1015
00:55:23,208 --> 00:55:25,208
Well, now, that would be tragic,
1016
00:55:25,208 --> 00:55:27,416
especially with the kind
of leverage they have.
1017
00:55:27,416 --> 00:55:30,333
None of my business, but I don't think
it'd take much for those mascots
1018
00:55:30,333 --> 00:55:33,416
to show old man Kellogg who's milking who.
1019
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:34,833
Really?
1020
00:55:36,416 --> 00:55:38,333
You think we could-- They could?
1021
00:55:38,333 --> 00:55:42,541
As we milkmen say, "A little cup
of buttermilk with the proper churning
1022
00:55:43,250 --> 00:55:44,916
can become a mighty cheese."
1023
00:55:44,916 --> 00:55:46,166
Is that a fart joke?
1024
00:55:47,333 --> 00:55:48,375
I don't think so.
1025
00:55:49,208 --> 00:55:50,208
Anyway,
1026
00:55:51,666 --> 00:55:52,708
never forget,
1027
00:55:53,708 --> 00:55:54,791
you're great.
1028
00:56:02,791 --> 00:56:06,666
Breakfast wars ratcheted up today
as cereal superpower Kellogg's announced
1029
00:56:06,666 --> 00:56:10,291
they too are developing
some sort of toastable whoosie-whatsis.
1030
00:56:10,291 --> 00:56:14,458
Coming up, tensions rise between the US
and Soviets off the coast of Cuba.
1031
00:56:14,458 --> 00:56:17,083
Bobby Kennedy cracks down
on organized milk.
1032
00:56:17,083 --> 00:56:21,208
And the Doublemint Twins
are pregnant with twins of their own,
1033
00:56:21,208 --> 00:56:23,375
as the CBS Evening News continues.
1034
00:56:23,375 --> 00:56:25,750
And we're clear.
1035
00:56:25,750 --> 00:56:28,875
This is a real breakthrough, Corky.
X-ray specs.
1036
00:56:28,875 --> 00:56:30,708
You can see into anything.
1037
00:56:32,250 --> 00:56:33,875
Except my personal drama.
1038
00:56:34,916 --> 00:56:36,416
A lot of tension at home.
1039
00:56:37,666 --> 00:56:39,000
- A lot of tension.
1040
00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:41,291
Gonna be staying late tonight, Corky.
1041
00:56:58,541 --> 00:57:01,166
- I like these. I have astigmatism.
- What is that?
1042
00:57:01,166 --> 00:57:04,833
Well, it's a mismatch
of the focusing elements in the eye.
1043
00:57:04,833 --> 00:57:07,291
- Oh. Because--
- Lots of people have it and don't realize.
1044
00:57:07,291 --> 00:57:09,625
- Really?
- Look through the binoculars.
1045
00:57:09,625 --> 00:57:11,916
- Does it seem clearer?
- No, but it's closer.
1046
00:57:11,916 --> 00:57:13,208
Fellas!
1047
00:57:14,208 --> 00:57:17,041
Fruit pastry launch system is go.
1048
00:57:23,750 --> 00:57:26,083
Isn't this overkill?
Bunkers and space suits?
1049
00:57:26,083 --> 00:57:27,833
All standard NASA protocol.
1050
00:57:27,833 --> 00:57:31,208
Plus we're using titanium foil packets
for the product, just to be safe.
1051
00:57:31,208 --> 00:57:33,500
Steve Schwinn, you are a go
for two in the toaster.
1052
00:57:33,500 --> 00:57:34,958
Two in the toaster.
1053
00:57:43,750 --> 00:57:45,541
Depress mechanism.
1054
00:57:45,541 --> 00:57:47,166
Dingus down.
1055
00:57:47,166 --> 00:57:49,291
Monitor coils.
1056
00:57:51,625 --> 00:57:53,708
- Orange.
- What's happening now?
1057
00:57:53,708 --> 00:57:55,708
- It's toasting, sir.
- Come on.
1058
00:57:55,708 --> 00:57:58,666
I'm switching to manual.
Gonna open her up a little.
1059
00:57:58,666 --> 00:58:00,000
- What's he doing?
- Not safe.
1060
00:58:01,166 --> 00:58:02,166
What's he doing?
1061
00:58:02,166 --> 00:58:03,916
He's changing the settings.
1062
00:58:05,166 --> 00:58:06,083
He's at five.
1063
00:58:06,625 --> 00:58:08,083
Six. Seven.
1064
00:58:08,083 --> 00:58:11,125
- I don't like this.
He's at eight. God, 8.5
1065
00:58:11,125 --> 00:58:13,125
Schwinn, lightly brown, lightly brown.
1066
00:58:16,541 --> 00:58:19,333
Proceed with caution.
Fruit filling may be hot.
1067
00:58:31,416 --> 00:58:33,500
Well, pop a wheelie.
1068
00:58:33,500 --> 00:58:35,083
We've got a treat!
1069
00:58:35,083 --> 00:58:36,291
- We did it!
- There we go!
1070
00:58:36,291 --> 00:58:38,083
- Whoo!
1071
00:58:39,250 --> 00:58:41,041
Oh!
1072
00:58:41,041 --> 00:58:42,333
Oh! Oh!
1073
00:58:42,333 --> 00:58:44,375
No!
1074
00:58:44,375 --> 00:58:45,500
Please, no!
1075
00:59:09,666 --> 00:59:13,166
- There's nothing left!
- Wait, over there. What's that?
1076
00:59:17,083 --> 00:59:18,041
Is that a man?
1077
00:59:18,041 --> 00:59:20,833
Damn right it is.
It's Steve Schwinn. Steve!
1078
00:59:20,833 --> 00:59:22,625
No. It's me, Chuck.
1079
00:59:22,625 --> 00:59:23,541
Steve blew up.
1080
00:59:24,625 --> 00:59:26,333
Don't go over there. It's gross.
1081
00:59:26,875 --> 00:59:29,041
What's happening? Where's Steve?
1082
00:59:29,041 --> 00:59:32,708
Steve was vaporized,
but we had a funny mix-up with Chuck.
1083
00:59:41,750 --> 00:59:44,833
Grain to grain, cows to milk.
1084
00:59:45,375 --> 00:59:47,958
Some settling in life is to be expected.
1085
00:59:47,958 --> 00:59:50,833
Steve Schwinn, however, never settled.
1086
00:59:51,416 --> 00:59:54,291
Steve was gr-r-reat!
1087
00:59:54,291 --> 00:59:55,541
- He'd like that.
- Yeah.
1088
00:59:55,541 --> 00:59:58,708
He lived his life
like he built his bicycles,
1089
00:59:58,708 --> 01:00:00,458
with little regard for safety.
1090
01:00:00,458 --> 01:00:01,375
Mmm.
1091
01:00:01,375 --> 01:00:05,458
When a man gives the last
full-serving suggestion of himself,
1092
01:00:05,458 --> 01:00:11,458
only then is he truly deserving
to be buried with full cereal honors.
1093
01:00:18,208 --> 01:00:21,250
- Full cereal honors, Mrs. Schwinn.
- That's quite an honor.
1094
01:00:21,250 --> 01:00:23,583
- It's a great honor.
- What is happening?
1095
01:00:32,625 --> 01:00:33,708
Did you plan this?
1096
01:00:33,708 --> 01:00:34,708
I don't know.
1097
01:00:36,583 --> 01:00:43,583
- ♪ Ave Maria ♪
1098
01:00:47,416 --> 01:00:54,375
♪ Gratia plena ♪
1099
01:00:54,375 --> 01:01:01,375
♪ Maria, gratia plena ♪
1100
01:01:01,375 --> 01:01:04,708
♪ Maria, gratia... ♪
1101
01:01:04,708 --> 01:01:06,041
Last bowl, huh?
1102
01:01:06,041 --> 01:01:08,625
♪ ...plena ♪
1103
01:01:08,625 --> 01:01:10,916
♪ Ave ♪
1104
01:01:10,916 --> 01:01:16,625
- ♪ Ave dominus ♪
1105
01:01:16,625 --> 01:01:18,166
Why?!
1106
01:01:18,166 --> 01:01:19,458
Who... who was she?
1107
01:01:26,291 --> 01:01:27,666
- Snap!
- Crackle!
1108
01:01:28,166 --> 01:01:29,416
- Pop!
- Snap!
1109
01:01:29,416 --> 01:01:30,916
- Crackle!
- Pop!
1110
01:01:32,416 --> 01:01:33,458
What is this?
1111
01:01:33,458 --> 01:01:35,916
It's the prize inside, Mrs. Schwinn.
1112
01:01:35,916 --> 01:01:38,041
It's probably one
of those stick-on tattoos.
1113
01:01:38,041 --> 01:01:39,833
It's not permanent.
Just lasts a couple days.
1114
01:01:39,833 --> 01:01:41,041
- Snap!
1115
01:01:41,041 --> 01:01:42,583
- Crackle!
- Pop!
1116
01:01:44,000 --> 01:01:45,791
You know, your husband died a hero.
1117
01:01:45,791 --> 01:01:48,666
Isn't this a cereal company?
Why did my husband explode?
1118
01:01:49,708 --> 01:01:50,833
Get me out of here.
1119
01:01:51,333 --> 01:01:53,083
- She's upset.
- She'll get over it.
1120
01:01:53,083 --> 01:01:55,791
Or she may never ever recover
from the loss.
1121
01:01:55,791 --> 01:01:57,625
Hmm.
- Look, there.
1122
01:01:57,625 --> 01:02:00,916
The milkmen, Russians,
and the Sucre boys.
1123
01:02:00,916 --> 01:02:02,541
The noose is tightening.
1124
01:02:02,541 --> 01:02:04,833
Speaking of tightening,
is that the Taft candy suit?
1125
01:02:04,833 --> 01:02:07,375
- I took it in. What do you think?
- You're looking for a veto.
1126
01:02:07,375 --> 01:02:08,625
- Do it.
- Veto.
1127
01:02:09,375 --> 01:02:10,208
Fair.
1128
01:02:10,958 --> 01:02:12,250
Mascots, gather.
1129
01:02:13,083 --> 01:02:16,833
We have chafed under the yoke
of Kellogg's exploitation for too long.
1130
01:02:16,833 --> 01:02:19,958
I hear their new space rectangle
doesn't even have a mascot.
1131
01:02:19,958 --> 01:02:22,833
- They're phasing us out.
- Indeed they are, good Crackle.
1132
01:02:22,833 --> 01:02:26,000
And they never cut us in. I ask you this.
1133
01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:27,416
Without our faces,
1134
01:02:27,416 --> 01:02:31,000
without our magic, what have you left?
1135
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:34,125
A cheap bag of horse feed
that we bring to life.
1136
01:02:34,125 --> 01:02:37,750
I say we cry havoc
and let slip the dogs of war.
1137
01:02:37,750 --> 01:02:39,291
Are we getting dogs?
1138
01:02:40,375 --> 01:02:41,916
No, no, simple Snap.
1139
01:02:41,916 --> 01:02:46,500
The time has come for us to go on strike.
1140
01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:49,750
Oh.
1141
01:02:49,750 --> 01:02:52,250
But if we have a dog, should we bring it?
1142
01:02:54,625 --> 01:02:56,041
You know there's a back seat.
1143
01:02:56,041 --> 01:02:58,625
There's nothing back there.
This is where the action is.
1144
01:03:01,833 --> 01:03:03,625
Hey, what's going on over there?
1145
01:03:04,583 --> 01:03:05,916
- Pull over.
- Oh, oh, oh.
1146
01:03:10,791 --> 01:03:13,875
A Russian
military ship has been intercepted
1147
01:03:13,875 --> 01:03:16,041
off the coast of the United States.
1148
01:03:16,041 --> 01:03:20,416
We believe it's illegal Cuban sugar
meant to destabilize a balanced breakfast.
1149
01:03:20,416 --> 01:03:22,541
- I tell you, the wife's a knockout.
- Yeah.
1150
01:03:22,541 --> 01:03:24,750
I got the boys working
on the Jackie O thing.
1151
01:03:24,750 --> 01:03:26,833
Her last name's Kennedy. What's that mean?
1152
01:03:26,833 --> 01:03:29,041
No, the shape of the cereal is an O.
1153
01:03:29,041 --> 01:03:30,791
Cheerios, Oreos, Jackie O's.
1154
01:03:31,791 --> 01:03:34,125
He's talking about nuclear war,
you idiots.
1155
01:03:34,791 --> 01:03:38,333
These spy photos clearly show
some giant nuclear missiles.
1156
01:03:38,333 --> 01:03:39,875
We're not too worried about that.
1157
01:03:39,875 --> 01:03:42,833
But if these ships
aren't immediately turned back,
1158
01:03:42,833 --> 01:03:44,583
I may go ballistic.
1159
01:03:44,583 --> 01:03:47,333
Not necessarily nuclear missile ballistic.
1160
01:03:47,333 --> 01:03:51,500
It's more about how upset I am.
There's two kinds of ballistic.
1161
01:03:51,500 --> 01:03:53,500
There's emotional ballistic,
1162
01:03:53,500 --> 01:03:56,250
and then there's
"everyone dies" ballistic.
1163
01:03:57,416 --> 01:03:59,875
- All right. That's it.
- Where you going?
1164
01:04:00,666 --> 01:04:02,291
This ends now.
1165
01:04:02,291 --> 01:04:04,125
I know my way around a boat.
1166
01:04:04,125 --> 01:04:07,458
I was sickly as a child,
so they got me a dinghy.
1167
01:04:18,208 --> 01:04:19,791
How did it get this far?
1168
01:04:19,791 --> 01:04:21,875
It's breakfast. Things happen.
1169
01:04:23,458 --> 01:04:26,583
- You know, we built that city right there.
- Inherited.
1170
01:04:27,250 --> 01:04:28,291
Inherited.
1171
01:04:28,291 --> 01:04:30,833
And our bickering threatens to destroy it.
1172
01:04:32,291 --> 01:04:34,375
I've decided to release your sugar.
1173
01:04:36,166 --> 01:04:38,375
I'll tell Khrushchev
not to blow up America.
1174
01:04:39,041 --> 01:04:40,375
Will he listen to you?
1175
01:04:40,875 --> 01:04:44,041
Maybe, if I offer him
something valuable in return.
1176
01:04:44,666 --> 01:04:46,916
Would William Howard Taft's
candy suit work?
1177
01:04:46,916 --> 01:04:49,333
I don't know what that is,
but I'll give it a whirl.
1178
01:04:50,250 --> 01:04:51,333
Give this a whirl.
1179
01:04:54,166 --> 01:04:55,583
♪ Come on, everybody ♪
1180
01:04:55,583 --> 01:04:57,000
What do you think?
1181
01:04:57,000 --> 01:04:58,875
♪ Ah, you're looking good... ♪
1182
01:04:59,416 --> 01:05:00,333
It's feral.
1183
01:05:01,416 --> 01:05:02,666
It's vulgar.
1184
01:05:02,666 --> 01:05:04,333
♪ We're gonna do the twist... ♪
1185
01:05:04,333 --> 01:05:05,250
I like it.
1186
01:05:06,041 --> 01:05:08,000
♪ Come on, let's twist again... ♪
1187
01:05:08,000 --> 01:05:11,333
- Maybe we built these cereal companies...
- Inherited.
1188
01:05:11,333 --> 01:05:14,500
...inherited these two
giant cereal companies
1189
01:05:14,500 --> 01:05:16,291
to get each other's attention.
1190
01:05:16,291 --> 01:05:17,541
Maybe we did.
1191
01:05:17,541 --> 01:05:19,166
♪ Do you remember when things... ♪
1192
01:05:19,166 --> 01:05:20,625
What are you afraid of?
1193
01:05:21,125 --> 01:05:22,000
I'm not afraid.
1194
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:23,833
What is that?
What?
1195
01:05:23,833 --> 01:05:25,083
Oh!
1196
01:05:25,083 --> 01:05:29,333
That's just some new form of life we made
by accident that we're trying to catch
1197
01:05:29,333 --> 01:05:30,666
so it doesn't reproduce.
1198
01:05:30,666 --> 01:05:32,708
- You made that? Where did it go?
- Eh--
1199
01:05:32,708 --> 01:05:34,375
Anyway, where were we?
1200
01:05:34,375 --> 01:05:35,500
Um...
1201
01:05:36,791 --> 01:05:38,458
Kind of in a weird mood now.
1202
01:05:38,958 --> 01:05:39,833
Wh--
1203
01:05:43,583 --> 01:05:47,375
Oh! Oh! Hey! Hey!
Edsel K has got to pay!
1204
01:05:47,375 --> 01:05:49,375
- What do we want?
Dignity!
1205
01:05:49,375 --> 01:05:51,416
- When do we want it?
Soon!
1206
01:05:51,416 --> 01:05:52,458
What do we want?
1207
01:05:52,458 --> 01:05:55,208
Time to give those
trench-footed fur balls a poodle cut.
1208
01:05:55,208 --> 01:05:57,708
There is no lab,
there was no lab!
1209
01:05:57,708 --> 01:05:59,333
Now we know, and that is bad!
1210
01:05:59,333 --> 01:06:02,791
Never mind that. Whoever gets to
the shelves first is gonna win this thing.
1211
01:06:02,791 --> 01:06:04,500
All we need is a name.
1212
01:06:04,500 --> 01:06:08,333
Don't worry. I got a couple of
can't-miss Madison Avenue ad men coming.
1213
01:06:09,041 --> 01:06:10,166
What do we want?
1214
01:06:11,791 --> 01:06:12,750
Kellogg's.
1215
01:06:14,000 --> 01:06:16,208
{\an8}When you hear it, it's more than a name.
1216
01:06:16,208 --> 01:06:19,291
It's the warm embrace of home, of family.
1217
01:06:19,875 --> 01:06:23,250
And where does that family begin?
It begins with two beating hearts.
1218
01:06:23,250 --> 01:06:25,291
Mmm.
- Like two pastries,
1219
01:06:25,291 --> 01:06:29,416
alone in the dark,
sharing a single foil wrapper.
1220
01:06:31,125 --> 01:06:32,625
Imagine a husband home from work.
1221
01:06:32,625 --> 01:06:35,458
His wife greets him at the door
wearing a satin négligée,
1222
01:06:35,458 --> 01:06:37,125
leads him to the bedroom
1223
01:06:37,125 --> 01:06:39,666
with one flick of a red polished nail...
1224
01:06:41,416 --> 01:06:44,000
she ignites the coiled heat
from a nearby toaster,
1225
01:06:44,000 --> 01:06:48,166
which is also eager
to receive his now warm pastries.
1226
01:06:49,416 --> 01:06:51,416
Gentlemen, I give you
1227
01:06:51,916 --> 01:06:54,750
- the Jelle Jolie by Martine Margeaux.
1228
01:06:54,750 --> 01:06:58,541
Uh, you know
we're a kids' cereal company, right?
1229
01:06:58,541 --> 01:06:59,958
If that's all you wanna be.
1230
01:06:59,958 --> 01:07:02,416
I've been in your town for six hours.
You know what I see?
1231
01:07:02,416 --> 01:07:04,750
Dead trees and sad, lonely women.
1232
01:07:04,750 --> 01:07:06,625
I mean, the choice is yours.
1233
01:07:06,625 --> 01:07:08,250
Raisin Bran and irrelevant
1234
01:07:08,875 --> 01:07:11,000
or provocative and revolutionary.
1235
01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:12,791
Who notices dead trees?
1236
01:07:12,791 --> 01:07:14,291
Shut up, Herman.
1237
01:07:14,291 --> 01:07:15,541
Genius at work.
1238
01:07:15,541 --> 01:07:20,541
Also available with a naughty hint
of chocolat, Jelle Jolie Noir.
1239
01:07:20,541 --> 01:07:24,583
And, coming soon, Jelle Jolie Sensual.
1240
01:07:24,583 --> 01:07:27,166
With no packet at all, for those who dare.
1241
01:07:27,958 --> 01:07:29,875
Because his pleasure is also hers.
1242
01:07:29,875 --> 01:07:32,083
- That's not actually true.
- Why not?
1243
01:07:33,666 --> 01:07:38,000
So are we celebrating? Carve up some of
that Midwestern beef you're so famous for?
1244
01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:40,500
Maybe lasso ourselves
some thick-ankled Jelle Jolie
1245
01:07:40,500 --> 01:07:42,708
of our own in this dust bucket of a town?
1246
01:07:42,708 --> 01:07:44,125
Can-- Can we think about it?
1247
01:07:44,125 --> 01:07:47,166
I'd say yes, but I don't think
thinking is your strong suit.
1248
01:07:47,166 --> 01:07:51,583
Tell you what, I'll be retired on a bluff
overlooking Stinson Beach
1249
01:07:51,583 --> 01:07:54,708
while you're still genuflecting
before the god of mediocrity.
1250
01:07:54,708 --> 01:07:57,041
- Roger.
- Glad I left the car running.
1251
01:07:58,375 --> 01:08:00,791
Why are they so mean?
It's just advertising.
1252
01:08:00,791 --> 01:08:02,916
I don't know.
I don't get it.
1253
01:08:03,625 --> 01:08:04,541
What'd you just say?
1254
01:08:04,541 --> 01:08:06,291
- Uh--
1255
01:08:06,291 --> 01:08:10,458
You will never swim the English Channel
and then drown in champagne.
1256
01:08:10,458 --> 01:08:12,416
No, I wo-- I won't.
1257
01:08:14,125 --> 01:08:16,583
So, where the hell is this Swinson Lake?
1258
01:08:18,625 --> 01:08:19,916
What'd you just say?
1259
01:08:20,500 --> 01:08:21,750
I think you heard me.
1260
01:08:22,500 --> 01:08:25,041
- Why don't you come work for me?
- Forget it, Florsheim.
1261
01:08:25,041 --> 01:08:26,708
I don't come when I'm called.
1262
01:08:26,708 --> 01:08:27,791
Oh.
1263
01:08:28,333 --> 01:08:29,541
I'll be calling you.
1264
01:08:31,625 --> 01:08:34,375
- From a pay phone.
- I'll lend you the dime.
1265
01:08:35,791 --> 01:08:37,125
Hmm.
Hmm.
1266
01:08:40,625 --> 01:08:41,541
Good meeting.
1267
01:08:41,541 --> 01:08:44,458
Now who are we gonna get
to help us sell this thing?
1268
01:08:44,458 --> 01:08:46,291
I might know a couple guys.
1269
01:08:46,291 --> 01:08:47,583
And they're local.
1270
01:08:47,583 --> 01:08:50,333
First I think we just wanna
thank you for your time today.
1271
01:08:50,333 --> 01:08:52,958
You're the experts.
But, uh, well, let's get started.
1272
01:08:52,958 --> 01:08:54,750
"Fruit-Magoos." What?
1273
01:08:54,750 --> 01:08:55,791
No.
1274
01:08:55,791 --> 01:08:57,875
-"Heat 'Em Up and Eat 'Em Ups."
- No sale.
1275
01:08:57,875 --> 01:09:00,541
-"Oblong Nibblers." Mmm.
- Tough room.
1276
01:09:00,541 --> 01:09:04,000
- Look, the name is the game, people.
- If we like the name, we'll eat it.
1277
01:09:04,000 --> 01:09:06,125
Do you know if Post has a name for theirs?
1278
01:09:06,125 --> 01:09:09,125
I believe they were going
back and forth between Fresh Flatties
1279
01:09:09,125 --> 01:09:10,458
and Dextrose Dillies.
1280
01:09:10,458 --> 01:09:12,291
- Oh man.
- Mmm, those are both strong.
1281
01:09:12,291 --> 01:09:13,458
Give me a minute.
1282
01:09:13,458 --> 01:09:14,916
Hi there. How you doing?
1283
01:09:15,791 --> 01:09:18,708
How about you tell us
what those tasted like?
1284
01:09:18,708 --> 01:09:20,750
The jelly, was it firm?
1285
01:09:20,750 --> 01:09:21,666
Was it oozy?
1286
01:09:22,208 --> 01:09:24,708
Did it coagulate?
Come on.
1287
01:09:25,291 --> 01:09:26,333
I'm keeping this.
1288
01:09:27,375 --> 01:09:29,000
I know how to talk to kids.
1289
01:09:30,958 --> 01:09:34,750
We need to know the damn pectin content,
or I'll murder your family, your friends!
1290
01:09:34,750 --> 01:09:36,958
- Take it easy.
- I'll drown your grandmother!
1291
01:09:36,958 --> 01:09:39,041
Why are you yelling like my dad?
1292
01:09:39,875 --> 01:09:41,083
I wasn't yelling.
1293
01:09:41,625 --> 01:09:42,666
You're right. I was.
1294
01:09:42,666 --> 01:09:44,166
- It was him.
My God!
1295
01:09:44,166 --> 01:09:45,833
You wanna know the truth?
1296
01:09:45,833 --> 01:09:47,875
I took one bite,
1297
01:09:47,875 --> 01:09:51,041
and it blew the back of my head right off.
1298
01:09:51,041 --> 01:09:54,958
It was the most delicious piece of pastry
I've ever had, and I've had them all.
1299
01:09:54,958 --> 01:09:57,125
Well, you never had ours.
1300
01:09:57,625 --> 01:09:58,625
Give it to her.
1301
01:10:04,833 --> 01:10:05,666
Try that.
1302
01:10:16,791 --> 01:10:17,875
Is this a joke?
1303
01:10:17,875 --> 01:10:18,958
What?
1304
01:10:18,958 --> 01:10:21,583
This tastes like their thing.
You guys made the same thing.
1305
01:10:21,583 --> 01:10:24,541
Everybody makes the same thing.
Coke and Pepsi. Ford and Chevy.
1306
01:10:25,125 --> 01:10:27,333
- The important thing is the name.
- The name.
1307
01:10:27,333 --> 01:10:29,416
- The butt machine got Butchie!
1308
01:10:29,416 --> 01:10:30,333
Ah!
1309
01:10:31,666 --> 01:10:33,000
My Rump Master!
1310
01:10:38,500 --> 01:10:41,500
How many, Mr. Cabana?
How many more have to die?
1311
01:10:42,166 --> 01:10:44,875
- Get your hands off me.
- Butchie, are you okay?
1312
01:10:44,875 --> 01:10:47,458
He's fine.
Now, what are we gonna call this thing?
1313
01:10:51,541 --> 01:10:53,875
You've got your name right there.
1314
01:10:53,875 --> 01:10:56,625
The first letter of each word.
1315
01:10:56,625 --> 01:10:58,916
"Toaster Ready Anytime Treat."
1316
01:10:58,916 --> 01:10:59,958
"Put On Plate."
1317
01:11:00,666 --> 01:11:02,083
"Trat Pop."
1318
01:11:02,083 --> 01:11:04,375
Trat Pop. I... I kinda like it.
1319
01:11:04,375 --> 01:11:05,958
Now, that's cool.
1320
01:11:05,958 --> 01:11:08,541
It's a secret code name, like UFO or NASA.
1321
01:11:08,541 --> 01:11:10,750
Or bra, booby restraining apparatus.
1322
01:11:10,750 --> 01:11:14,375
- That is not what it means.
- I have reason to believe otherwise.
1323
01:11:14,375 --> 01:11:15,416
So do I.
1324
01:11:16,250 --> 01:11:17,083
What?
1325
01:11:18,500 --> 01:11:19,583
Trat Pop.
1326
01:11:20,500 --> 01:11:21,916
Let's see how it plays.
1327
01:11:22,500 --> 01:11:24,125
♪ Kellogg's Trat Pop ♪
1328
01:11:24,708 --> 01:11:27,083
♪ Yummy in the morning
Yummy at noon ♪
1329
01:11:27,083 --> 01:11:29,125
♪ Yummy in the evening
And under the moon ♪
1330
01:11:29,125 --> 01:11:31,416
♪ Kellogg's Trat Pop ♪
1331
01:11:31,416 --> 01:11:34,833
♪ Toaster treat
Ready anytime you like to eat ♪
1332
01:11:34,833 --> 01:11:38,125
♪ Put on plate
Your tummy's gonna celebrate ♪
1333
01:11:38,125 --> 01:11:41,416
♪ Yummy, yummy, Kellogg's Trat Pop ♪
1334
01:11:44,125 --> 01:11:44,958
So?
1335
01:11:45,541 --> 01:11:47,083
What do you think, EK?
1336
01:11:51,000 --> 01:11:52,375
It's gold.
1337
01:11:53,375 --> 01:11:56,416
All that's left
is the routine certification
1338
01:11:56,416 --> 01:11:58,916
by FDA rep Mr. Mike Puntz.
1339
01:12:00,416 --> 01:12:02,291
Well, that's the easy part.
1340
01:12:09,250 --> 01:12:10,166
That's nice.
1341
01:12:11,458 --> 01:12:13,333
But what about those mascots?
1342
01:12:13,333 --> 01:12:14,791
Already dealt with.
1343
01:12:17,041 --> 01:12:18,291
Well, Mr. Kellogg,
1344
01:12:18,791 --> 01:12:20,958
I think you'll find this tiger
1345
01:12:21,833 --> 01:12:23,125
has claws.
1346
01:12:33,916 --> 01:12:36,083
Let me out!
1347
01:12:36,083 --> 01:12:38,166
Give us more, Kellogg!
1348
01:12:40,375 --> 01:12:44,041
Give us more pay!
Give us more pay!
1349
01:12:44,041 --> 01:12:45,583
Cereal mascots,
1350
01:12:45,583 --> 01:12:48,458
and mascot patriots from across the land...
1351
01:12:50,166 --> 01:12:53,291
...gather ye, gather ye, one and all.
1352
01:12:55,958 --> 01:12:58,958
Fortify the perimeter.
I want maximum resistance.
1353
01:12:58,958 --> 01:13:00,958
Send both security guards.
1354
01:13:01,916 --> 01:13:03,875
- Where the hell is Puntz?
- I don't know.
1355
01:13:03,875 --> 01:13:05,958
- Oh, here we go.
- Good morning, everyone.
1356
01:13:05,958 --> 01:13:07,250
- Morning, Mike.
- Good morning.
1357
01:13:07,250 --> 01:13:09,833
Sorry I'm late. They had me come
through the back like a plumber.
1358
01:13:09,833 --> 01:13:10,916
Let's go.
1359
01:13:10,916 --> 01:13:14,083
- And I am... here?
- Here.
1360
01:13:14,083 --> 01:13:15,833
- Right here.
- Right here. Yeah.
1361
01:13:16,333 --> 01:13:18,208
There you go.
Let me just get you in there.
1362
01:13:18,791 --> 01:13:19,791
There we go.
1363
01:13:21,000 --> 01:13:22,208
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
1364
01:13:22,208 --> 01:13:25,291
I have seen angry mobs
gather like this before.
1365
01:13:26,666 --> 01:13:27,666
Where was I?
1366
01:13:28,666 --> 01:13:31,875
Do you know
what they call us from up there?
1367
01:13:31,875 --> 01:13:33,041
No, what?
1368
01:13:34,083 --> 01:13:35,083
Felt hobos.
1369
01:13:37,000 --> 01:13:39,083
And carpet critters.
1370
01:13:40,833 --> 01:13:43,375
This pen was a gift from a colleague,
1371
01:13:43,375 --> 01:13:45,541
and it was, uh, an accidental gift.
1372
01:13:45,541 --> 01:13:46,875
We don't care.
- So--
1373
01:13:46,875 --> 01:13:50,666
Little Debbie here has treats
and Desenex for any costume rash.
1374
01:13:51,166 --> 01:13:53,666
For it is time to fight.
1375
01:13:53,666 --> 01:13:54,625
Yeah!
1376
01:13:54,625 --> 01:13:59,458
Let us show them what happens
when cooler heads do not prevail.
1377
01:14:00,416 --> 01:14:03,291
- Yeah!
1378
01:14:03,291 --> 01:14:05,041
Mr. Kellogg, you should see this.
1379
01:14:05,041 --> 01:14:07,916
{\an8}I was told by a prominent
Kellogg's executive
1380
01:14:07,916 --> 01:14:11,458
{\an8}that they had created
a mutant pasta creature by accident.
1381
01:14:11,458 --> 01:14:13,875
{\an8}I wouldn't eat anything
that company makes.
1382
01:14:13,875 --> 01:14:16,541
{\an8}And you're the chairman of Post,
their main competitor?
1383
01:14:16,541 --> 01:14:19,291
Well, we used to be.
But now that our new product,
1384
01:14:19,291 --> 01:14:22,041
the Post Country Square,
has been certified,
1385
01:14:22,041 --> 01:14:23,375
we'll be number one.
1386
01:14:24,875 --> 01:14:28,208
They are about to certify
a product that will replace you.
1387
01:14:28,208 --> 01:14:29,416
Boo!
1388
01:14:29,416 --> 01:14:30,708
No! No!
1389
01:14:30,708 --> 01:14:32,958
So you had better fight like hell,
1390
01:14:33,625 --> 01:14:37,208
or you're not gonna
have a breakfast anymore!
1391
01:14:38,458 --> 01:14:40,583
Let the fur fly!
1392
01:14:40,583 --> 01:14:42,000
Yeah!
1393
01:14:49,958 --> 01:14:51,666
- Get back!
1394
01:14:55,958 --> 01:14:57,583
Go! Go, little elf! Go!
1395
01:14:57,583 --> 01:15:00,125
♪ In the beauty of the lilies ♪
1396
01:15:00,625 --> 01:15:02,750
♪ He was born across the sea ♪
1397
01:15:14,875 --> 01:15:15,708
Strawberry.
1398
01:15:18,125 --> 01:15:20,166
- Ooh, blueberry.
- It's all one flavor, Mike.
1399
01:15:20,166 --> 01:15:23,541
- We just changed the colors.
- They've broken through the perimeter.
1400
01:15:23,541 --> 01:15:24,750
The tiger is pooping.
1401
01:15:30,833 --> 01:15:33,250
Don't let me go!
I'll never let you go!
1402
01:15:33,833 --> 01:15:35,083
We belong together!
1403
01:15:36,125 --> 01:15:37,958
No!
1404
01:15:45,458 --> 01:15:46,916
Remember this day, boys.
1405
01:15:47,541 --> 01:15:49,583
For this is our company now.
1406
01:15:50,708 --> 01:15:55,416
Snap, Crackle, and Pop, our mission here
is to stop the certification. Hunt Puntz.
1407
01:15:55,416 --> 01:15:57,625
Hunt Puntz! Hunt Puntz!
1408
01:15:57,625 --> 01:16:00,083
I love you all.
You're all very special.
1409
01:16:02,166 --> 01:16:03,541
When can you eat these?
1410
01:16:03,541 --> 01:16:05,041
Is this a meal?
1411
01:16:05,041 --> 01:16:06,250
Is this a snack?
1412
01:16:06,250 --> 01:16:09,250
It's not anything if you don't certify it.
Give me that stamper.
1413
01:16:09,250 --> 01:16:10,833
Oh.
1414
01:16:11,625 --> 01:16:13,791
- Don't do it, Bob.
- You don't have the training.
1415
01:16:13,791 --> 01:16:15,583
To do what? This?
1416
01:16:15,583 --> 01:16:16,750
Too late.
1417
01:16:16,750 --> 01:16:18,583
- Ha!
1418
01:16:19,166 --> 01:16:21,875
I guess there really
isn't that much to it.
1419
01:16:21,875 --> 01:16:23,458
We are undone, boys.
1420
01:16:24,375 --> 01:16:26,708
Undone by cruel fate.
1421
01:16:26,708 --> 01:16:27,833
It wasn't fate.
1422
01:16:27,833 --> 01:16:32,083
You had to stop at Woolworth's
for a tooth necklace and Viking horns.
1423
01:16:32,083 --> 01:16:33,791
Be very careful, Crackle,
1424
01:16:33,791 --> 01:16:36,583
or I will take a horn
and joust you in the eye.
1425
01:16:37,375 --> 01:16:38,541
Dignified retreat.
1426
01:16:41,583 --> 01:16:42,833
Open or closed?
1427
01:16:42,833 --> 01:16:43,791
Closed.
1428
01:16:45,708 --> 01:16:46,625
Wait up.
1429
01:16:47,208 --> 01:16:50,625
You know,
this really is a terrific product.
1430
01:16:50,625 --> 01:16:51,625
Thank you.
1431
01:16:51,625 --> 01:16:53,000
♪ Cool Jerk... ♪
1432
01:16:55,291 --> 01:16:58,208
"Don't you think you've had
enough to drink tonight, Walter?"
1433
01:16:58,208 --> 01:16:59,458
Not if you keep talking.
1434
01:16:59,458 --> 01:17:03,958
They really outdid themselves with
this one, Corky. It's called Silly Putty.
1435
01:17:03,958 --> 01:17:08,000
It stretches, bounces, and by
some mechanism not yet fully understood,
1436
01:17:08,000 --> 01:17:11,166
captures images of a printed page
when you smoosh it.
1437
01:17:11,166 --> 01:17:13,166
Just getting this now,
a riot at Kellogg's.
1438
01:17:13,166 --> 01:17:14,250
Ooh, let me see that.
1439
01:17:14,250 --> 01:17:16,791
When the ink is fresh,
it works really good.
1440
01:17:20,750 --> 01:17:22,791
I pay the goddamn bills.
1441
01:17:22,791 --> 01:17:26,791
I'll drink as much
as I goddamn want to drink.
1442
01:17:27,875 --> 01:17:30,666
Breaking news out of Battle Creek tonight.
1443
01:17:30,666 --> 01:17:33,416
A violent mob of beloved cereal mascots
1444
01:17:33,416 --> 01:17:36,250
attacking their own company
over a new product.
1445
01:17:36,250 --> 01:17:37,500
A product called...
1446
01:17:39,583 --> 01:17:41,500
Having trouble finding my notes here.
1447
01:17:42,458 --> 01:17:44,750
We're all a little rattled by this story.
1448
01:17:44,750 --> 01:17:47,041
Oh well. I guess I could just
1449
01:17:47,041 --> 01:17:48,916
read it off my Silly Putty.
1450
01:17:49,791 --> 01:17:51,250
A product called
1451
01:17:52,000 --> 01:17:53,666
the Pop-Tart.
1452
01:17:55,541 --> 01:17:57,208
- Wha--
- Wh-- What did he just say?
1453
01:17:57,208 --> 01:17:59,916
- He called it a Pop-Tart.
He read it backwards.
1454
01:17:59,916 --> 01:18:01,500
Pop-Tart? It's Trat Pop.
1455
01:18:01,500 --> 01:18:04,708
Not anymore.
Forty million people just heard Pop-Tart.
1456
01:18:04,708 --> 01:18:07,208
That wizard-faced news monkey
screwed it up.
1457
01:18:07,208 --> 01:18:10,250
Isn't Pop-Tart a little too close
to Andy Warhol's pop art?
1458
01:18:10,250 --> 01:18:12,750
- Nobody will make that connection.
- I just did.
1459
01:18:13,958 --> 01:18:15,791
Pop-Tart.
1460
01:18:16,416 --> 01:18:18,000
- I kinda like it.
- Yeah?
1461
01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:19,333
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1462
01:18:19,333 --> 01:18:20,333
No.
1463
01:18:20,333 --> 01:18:21,250
Yeah.
1464
01:18:21,250 --> 01:18:23,625
- Yeah.
- What the hell's the difference?
1465
01:18:23,625 --> 01:18:25,833
Change the boxes
and get 'em on the trucks.
1466
01:18:25,833 --> 01:18:26,833
Pop-Tart.
1467
01:18:27,500 --> 01:18:28,583
That's gonna sell.
1468
01:18:30,916 --> 01:18:34,000
♪ When I die and they lay me to rest ♪
1469
01:18:34,000 --> 01:18:37,833
♪ Gonna go to the place that's the best ♪
1470
01:18:38,541 --> 01:18:41,250
♪ When I lay me down to die ♪
1471
01:18:41,250 --> 01:18:45,166
♪ Goin' up to the spirit in the sky ♪
1472
01:18:46,083 --> 01:18:49,750
- ♪ Goin' up to the spirit in the sky ♪
- ♪ Spirit in the sky ♪
1473
01:18:49,750 --> 01:18:53,583
- ♪ That's where I'm gonna go when I die ♪
- ♪ When I die ♪
1474
01:18:53,583 --> 01:18:56,250
♪ When I die and they lay me to rest ♪
1475
01:18:56,250 --> 01:19:00,708
♪ I'm gonna go to the place
That's the best ♪
1476
01:19:37,333 --> 01:19:38,166
Talk to me.
1477
01:19:39,833 --> 01:19:42,166
What do you mean
you don't have any sales numbers?
1478
01:19:42,875 --> 01:19:44,375
Call me the second you do.
1479
01:19:45,333 --> 01:19:47,875
- What'd they say?
- Some kind of switchboard breakdown.
1480
01:19:47,875 --> 01:19:50,916
All the lines are flooded.
On the damn day we launch.
1481
01:19:50,916 --> 01:19:54,208
All right, all right, calm down.
It might just be a botulism flare-up.
1482
01:19:54,208 --> 01:19:55,625
Oh, I hope it's botulism.
1483
01:19:55,625 --> 01:19:58,375
I just rolled out
five million dollars' worth of Pop-Tarts.
1484
01:20:00,458 --> 01:20:03,291
You better have some numbers for me.
Spit it out!
1485
01:20:05,250 --> 01:20:06,166
What?
1486
01:20:16,083 --> 01:20:17,291
Really?
1487
01:20:22,708 --> 01:20:23,791
Oh my God.
1488
01:20:26,916 --> 01:20:28,291
- So?
1489
01:20:28,291 --> 01:20:31,166
Did anybody buy the Pop-Tart?
1490
01:20:33,458 --> 01:20:35,541
Every store in
the continental United States
1491
01:20:35,541 --> 01:20:38,000
was cleaned out within 60 seconds.
1492
01:20:39,041 --> 01:20:39,875
What?
1493
01:20:41,083 --> 01:20:43,166
It was like a locust attack.
1494
01:20:43,166 --> 01:20:46,041
Kids are doing anything
to get their hands on these Pop-Tarts.
1495
01:20:46,041 --> 01:20:49,083
Six stock boys were bitten.
It's a feeding frenzy.
1496
01:20:49,750 --> 01:20:52,833
It's the name.
No kid wants to be a square.
1497
01:20:52,833 --> 01:20:55,791
And a square from the country? Forget it.
1498
01:20:57,041 --> 01:20:58,375
We got to the moon.
1499
01:20:58,375 --> 01:20:59,875
The breakfast moon.
1500
01:20:59,875 --> 01:21:04,458
These things are the greatest
two rectangles since the Ten Commandments.
1501
01:21:07,833 --> 01:21:09,000
Hmm!
1502
01:21:09,000 --> 01:21:10,458
What if we add frosting?
1503
01:21:10,458 --> 01:21:11,500
Ugh.
1504
01:21:11,500 --> 01:21:12,541
- Bad idea.
- Yeah.
1505
01:21:13,416 --> 01:21:16,500
So Kellogg's was once again
the king of Battle Creek.
1506
01:21:16,500 --> 01:21:18,833
- And everyone at the company was happy.
1507
01:21:18,833 --> 01:21:20,625
Well, maybe not everyone.
1508
01:21:21,125 --> 01:21:25,083
Mr. Ravenscroft, is it true
you are a role model for children?
1509
01:21:25,083 --> 01:21:28,000
Yes, Your... Majesty.
1510
01:21:28,000 --> 01:21:30,333
Well, what kind of role model defecates
1511
01:21:30,333 --> 01:21:33,875
in the hallway of one of America's most
beloved companies and yells out,
1512
01:21:33,875 --> 01:21:34,875
and I quote,
1513
01:21:36,291 --> 01:21:39,541
-"I've got some Kel-logs for you"?
1514
01:21:39,541 --> 01:21:40,583
I regret that.
1515
01:21:40,583 --> 01:21:43,791
I had had a very
large bowl of Bran Flakes.
1516
01:21:43,791 --> 01:21:47,000
Harold von Braunhut
and Chef Boyardee raised Eric,
1517
01:21:47,000 --> 01:21:49,250
their pasta creature, as their own,
1518
01:21:49,250 --> 01:21:51,250
eventually finding out
they were ill-suited
1519
01:21:51,250 --> 01:21:53,500
to handle a rebellious teen ravioli.
1520
01:21:53,500 --> 01:21:56,541
Eric! I told you
to put the pool cover back on.
1521
01:21:56,541 --> 01:21:58,291
Go to hell.
1522
01:21:58,291 --> 01:22:02,291
- You hear the way your son talks to me?
- Oh, when he talks back, he's my son?
1523
01:22:03,291 --> 01:22:05,875
Oh, you want to have
this fight again, huh?
1524
01:22:05,875 --> 01:22:09,541
Tom Carvel and Jack LaLanne realized
they were both part of the same hypocrisy,
1525
01:22:09,541 --> 01:22:11,833
so they opened stores side by side.
1526
01:22:11,833 --> 01:22:13,916
- I thin 'em out.
- And I pack it back on.
1527
01:22:15,333 --> 01:22:17,791
UNIVAC was drafted
and shipped to Vietnam,
1528
01:22:17,791 --> 01:22:20,291
where, according to those
who served under him,
1529
01:22:20,291 --> 01:22:22,791
- his ideas became even more unsound.
1530
01:22:23,958 --> 01:22:25,375
The horror.
1531
01:22:25,375 --> 01:22:28,250
After Bobby Kennedy
squeezed the udders on big milk,
1532
01:22:28,250 --> 01:22:31,750
conspiracy theorists pointed
to frame 263 of the Zapruder film,
1533
01:22:31,750 --> 01:22:35,833
which appeared to show someone
delivering milk to a very strange place,
1534
01:22:35,833 --> 01:22:37,333
a grassy knoll.
1535
01:22:37,916 --> 01:22:40,416
Marjorie Post,
one of the first women CEOs,
1536
01:22:40,416 --> 01:22:42,500
became an icon of female empowerment,
1537
01:22:42,500 --> 01:22:45,541
{\an8}ultimately building a lasting monument
to feminism,
1538
01:22:45,541 --> 01:22:47,833
{\an8}which she named Mar-a-Lago.
1539
01:22:51,208 --> 01:22:53,500
In the end,
Stan vetoed Kellogg's, her career,
1540
01:22:53,500 --> 01:22:55,375
and pretty much the whole culture.
1541
01:22:55,875 --> 01:22:57,958
Stan? You can't park here.
1542
01:22:57,958 --> 01:23:01,583
- You're such a square, man.
- What the hell are you eating?
1543
01:23:01,583 --> 01:23:03,916
Something I invented called granola.
1544
01:23:03,916 --> 01:23:06,458
- And it's gonna bury you!
1545
01:23:07,583 --> 01:23:08,583
That's not bad.
1546
01:23:09,833 --> 01:23:10,833
Get a job!
1547
01:23:10,833 --> 01:23:14,625
Not only was I able to send my kids
to a multi-hundred-dollar college...
1548
01:23:14,625 --> 01:23:18,375
- Nice sod.
...I had enough left over for sod.
1549
01:23:19,166 --> 01:23:23,083
And thanks to the super success
of the Pop-Tart, even I was famous.
1550
01:23:25,333 --> 01:23:27,958
Nice to meet you, Bob.
Looks like you got a winner here.
1551
01:23:27,958 --> 01:23:32,541
Well, we love breakfast at Kellogg's,
and we felt it was time for something new.
1552
01:23:32,541 --> 01:23:34,833
Mmm. Now, why... why the rectangle shape?
1553
01:23:34,833 --> 01:23:37,250
- Well, the pentagram was taken, Johnny.
1554
01:23:37,250 --> 01:23:38,291
By the devil.
1555
01:23:38,291 --> 01:23:40,500
Like everything else
in the cereal world,
1556
01:23:40,500 --> 01:23:42,500
there was always a surprise inside.
1557
01:23:44,958 --> 01:23:47,500
It's Andy Warhol, creator of pop art.
1558
01:23:47,500 --> 01:23:50,625
Your 15 minutes is up, Cabana.
1559
01:23:51,958 --> 01:23:53,958
Only I can be derivative.
1560
01:23:57,833 --> 01:24:00,500
And thanks
to Stan's titanium foil packet,
1561
01:24:00,500 --> 01:24:01,708
I was okay.
1562
01:24:01,708 --> 01:24:05,250
So I'm to believe
the Pop-Tart packet could stop a bullet?
1563
01:24:05,833 --> 01:24:07,250
I'm here, aren't I?
1564
01:24:07,250 --> 01:24:10,333
And that little ravioli creature,
what the hell was that?
1565
01:24:12,541 --> 01:24:17,625
Ah. I was just having some fun with you.
Anyway, I think someone's here to see you.
1566
01:24:17,625 --> 01:24:20,500
- Mom! Dad!
- Come on, George. It's time to go home.
1567
01:24:21,083 --> 01:24:23,750
All right,
we'll get you those X-ray specs.
1568
01:24:23,750 --> 01:24:24,916
Yay!
1569
01:24:24,916 --> 01:24:25,833
Thank you.
1570
01:24:27,000 --> 01:24:27,833
Hey.
1571
01:24:29,375 --> 01:24:31,375
Mom, did you see that?
1572
01:24:31,375 --> 01:24:32,416
- Come on.
1573
01:24:33,000 --> 01:24:34,416
Wait, what was that?
1574
01:24:35,916 --> 01:24:37,833
Steve Schwinn, are you there?
1575
01:24:38,333 --> 01:24:40,291
Oh ****!
- Oh!
1576
01:24:40,916 --> 01:24:43,000
{\an8}♪ But somehow it wasn't ever enough... ♪
1577
01:24:43,000 --> 01:24:46,000
{\an8}What works for us is choo-choo trains
and Snagglepuss.
1578
01:24:46,000 --> 01:24:48,458
{\an8}Yeah, I'll get right to work
on Snagglepuss.
1579
01:24:48,458 --> 01:24:50,333
They're so...
1580
01:24:53,291 --> 01:24:54,833
{\an8}♪ The moment we connected... ♪
1581
01:24:54,833 --> 01:24:57,625
{\an8}I want Deputy Dawg and Snagglepuss.
1582
01:24:57,625 --> 01:24:59,458
Oh, come on, Marge--
1583
01:25:01,166 --> 01:25:04,458
{\an8}♪ I can’t keep myself together
When the heat is hot... ♪
1584
01:25:04,458 --> 01:25:06,083
{\an8}We literally have one job.
1585
01:25:07,291 --> 01:25:08,833
{\an8}♪ ...just the way I like it ♪
1586
01:25:08,833 --> 01:25:10,000
{\an8}♪ Please... ♪
1587
01:25:14,958 --> 01:25:16,166
{\an8}You wanna go, Carvel?
1588
01:25:16,750 --> 01:25:18,833
{\an8}
1589
01:25:18,833 --> 01:25:22,500
{\an8}♪ You've got all the lovin' I need ♪
1590
01:25:22,500 --> 01:25:29,125
{\an8}♪ Give me that sweet morning ♪
1591
01:25:29,125 --> 01:25:30,125
♪ Heat ♪
1592
01:25:31,208 --> 01:25:32,375
{\an8}♪ Ooh... ♪
1593
01:25:32,375 --> 01:25:34,750
{\an8}Karajeana.
1594
01:25:34,750 --> 01:25:35,708
No. Karajeana.
1595
01:25:35,708 --> 01:25:37,666
He had a girl named Karajeana.
1596
01:25:38,875 --> 01:25:40,541
♪ ...reason, uh-uh ♪
1597
01:25:40,541 --> 01:25:43,541
♪ 'Cause you know they all
Just pretty much taste the same ♪
1598
01:25:43,541 --> 01:25:48,458
♪ And nothing ever had a season, uh-uh ♪
1599
01:25:48,458 --> 01:25:51,041
{\an8}♪ Strawberry, Blueberry, Real plain
Those the names ♪
1600
01:25:51,041 --> 01:25:52,125
{\an8}♪ Those the names ... ♪
1601
01:25:52,125 --> 01:25:56,583
{\an8}Fruit flabby... **** fritters,
whatever the **** they're called.
1602
01:25:57,500 --> 01:26:00,916
This is a comedy. I get it. Sorry.
I thought I was trying to win an award.
1603
01:26:00,916 --> 01:26:04,500
♪ I can’t keep myself together
When the heat is hot, come on ♪
1604
01:26:04,500 --> 01:26:06,333
♪ Sprinkles and icing ♪
1605
01:26:06,333 --> 01:26:08,291
{\an8}♪ Just the way I like it ♪
1606
01:26:08,291 --> 01:26:10,166
{\an8}-♪ Please... ♪
- ♪ Please... ♪
1607
01:26:10,166 --> 01:26:12,000
- Give up the tarts, old man!
1608
01:26:13,625 --> 01:26:16,625
♪ Yeah, I want it
Every single day of the week... ♪
1609
01:26:16,625 --> 01:26:18,958
Slow down!
1610
01:26:18,958 --> 01:26:20,291
Mike Diamond.
1611
01:26:20,291 --> 01:26:21,458
Frosty Tips.
1612
01:26:21,458 --> 01:26:23,958
No? Frosty Farms. Friendly Farms.
1613
01:26:24,916 --> 01:26:26,041
"Frosty Tips."
1614
01:26:26,041 --> 01:26:27,958
♪ Give me that sweet morning ♪
1615
01:26:27,958 --> 01:26:29,583
♪ Heat ♪
1616
01:26:29,583 --> 01:26:31,916
{\an8}♪ I need food that’s made
By robots, baby ♪
1617
01:26:31,916 --> 01:26:33,708
{\an8}♪ Heat ♪
1618
01:26:33,708 --> 01:26:35,708
{\an8}♪ Not some top chef hot shot lady ♪
1619
01:26:35,708 --> 01:26:37,541
{\an8}-♪ Heat ♪
- ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
1620
01:26:37,541 --> 01:26:40,541
{\an8}♪ I put a full slice
In my drop top lately, hey ♪
1621
01:26:40,541 --> 01:26:42,583
{\an8}♪ I leave it on my favorite setting ♪
1622
01:26:42,583 --> 01:26:45,458
♪ You know it’s three ♪
1623
01:26:45,458 --> 01:26:48,625
♪ Give me that sweet morning heat ♪
1624
01:26:48,625 --> 01:26:53,208
{\an8}♪ I want it every single day of the week ♪
1625
01:26:53,208 --> 01:26:56,750
{\an8}♪ You’ve got all the lovin’ I need ♪
1626
01:26:56,750 --> 01:26:59,208
{\an8}♪ Come on, give me that sweet morning ♪
1627
01:26:59,208 --> 01:27:01,333
{\an8}♪ Please ♪
1628
01:27:01,333 --> 01:27:03,791
{\an8}♪ Give me that sweet morning heat ♪
1629
01:27:03,791 --> 01:27:05,208
{\an8}♪ I want that heat ♪
1630
01:27:05,208 --> 01:27:09,083
{\an8}♪ Every single day of the week ♪
1631
01:27:09,083 --> 01:27:12,041
{\an8}♪ You’ve got all the lovin’ I need ♪
1632
01:27:12,041 --> 01:27:15,125
♪ Oh, give me that sweet morning ♪
1633
01:27:15,125 --> 01:27:19,500
♪ Give me that sweet morning ♪
1634
01:27:19,500 --> 01:27:20,500
♪ Heat ♪