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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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(upbeat marching music)
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(fire crackling)
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It was the Dark Ages.
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And in the land of Britain,
there lived a mighty queen,
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adored by all her subjects.
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Most of them.
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Some of them.
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Oh, just meet her You'll understand.
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- My Queen, enemy force.
- Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!
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How am I coming out?
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My portrait And give me
the truth, unvarnished.
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Don't think to flatter me, Leofwine.
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Maybe the Queen should
judge for herself
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(dramatic music)
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Well done! (Artist sighs deeply)
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I'll not have your
fingers hacked off today.
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Thank you, my Queen (laughs)
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- Now, how goes the war?
- Ah.
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Oh yes, the war.
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Angered by Dagan's harsh reígn,
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the peasants had rísen against her
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(fire crackling)
From amongst the common folk,
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a rebel champion rose, (ethereal music)
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A woodcutter named Humble Joan,
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and Joan had something
the queen did not:
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a secret of great might
called flame-powder
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(cannons firing) (armies fighting)
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But Dagan had a plan to
crush the rebellion
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(cannon blasts)
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The forest archers, the river clans,
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the spearmen of the fens.
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We we muster them here
(explosion outside)
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Are you listening?
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We muster them here and they
shall smash our enemies.
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I- I don't know why you didn't
think of this before.
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My Queen, we can move the
pieces on the map all we like.
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It will not conjure them here.
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The spearmen of the fens are fallen.
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Well, let them get up again,
the lazy tykes.
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Humph!
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I thought you were going to say
they were dead.
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Oh (paper rustles)
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The river clans are cleft in bits.
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The forest archers turned
and fight for Humble Joan
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(large explosion) (building crumbling)
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I know the illness which gnaws
at your innards.
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MAN: Ow, my fucking leg!
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It's not Humble Joan, no.
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- MAN: Where's it gone?!
- It's fear.
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So, let us lift our spirits
with a -with a banquet!
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Aunty party music) (more explosions)
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(soldiers roaring)
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She tramples on the lions,
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She tramples on her foes,
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raises burdensome taxes
on their howling widows.
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Dainty, soft, soft.
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Shut up!
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Come.
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What's this yellow stuff?
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No, let me guess.
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Tumery Turmer.
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Meric - Turmer.
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BOTH: Turmeric - You please me.
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Bring me these eggs in all
the banquets to come.
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Yes, my Queen.
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All eggs Right
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(explosion)
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(cannon ball whizzes, explodes)
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(banqueters gasp)
(pieces of the castle fall)
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Humble Joan can't stop us from
enjoying this, can she?
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(men screaming in agony)
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I am more than your queen, am I not?
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I'm-I'm your friend
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(men laugh nervously)
(explosion outside)
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A toast, to friendship
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(big explosion)
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SOLIDER: Fall back!
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(helmets, swords clanging)
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(marching music)
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(trumpet sounds) (soldiers cheering)
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The wall is breached
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(sighs)
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Oh, dear
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(swords clanging)
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Fighting in the passages
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(soldiers screaming)
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Screams of the dying.
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Yes, dying peasants, though,
don't we think?
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SOLDIER: Footsteps coming closer
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(ominous music) (squelch)
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(blood dripping)
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(sword zings)
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They're at the door
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(soldier thumps) (dramatic music)
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(loud crash) (people screaming)
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(soldiers roaring)
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(tense music)
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Humble Joan.
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Merely Joan.
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I seek no fame, no titles.
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Only justice.
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Urgh.
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As do I
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(gasps) (dramatic music)
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Leofwine!
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During any change of government,
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some element of continuity is advisable.
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No!
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I am still the queen!
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Thanes, I command you to seize them!
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Is she serious?
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Thanes, you are citizens of
the new commonwealth.
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Be free
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(treacherous music)
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Thank you, Humble Joan,
you heal our land.
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You heal yourselves.
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What?
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Wolf Tail
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(groans) (sword clangs)
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My father's blade (grunts)
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Humble Joan, I challenge you to
single combat.
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The victor wins the realm
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(giggling)
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Duelling?
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Oh A sad habit of the wealthy.
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We have no need for it now.
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There are a dozen tongues in this hall.
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More than one shall speak of the time.
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Humble Joan was afraid
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(axe swishes)
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(dramatic music)
If I can fell the tallest oak,
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I can cut down a little queen.
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Argh! (Sword whooshes)
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(Joan laughs)
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(grunting) (weapons clang)
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Oh!
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Such pretty nails and such a soft foot.
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You've lived as a queen.
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Time to die as one.
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Many people cry for their
mothers at a time like this.
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YOUNG DAGAN: Mum! No!
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Not I! Argh!
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Oh, a fighting queen at last!
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Did I touch a nerve?
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(frightened breathing)
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(sword clangs)
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See how the coward runs
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(door opens)
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Now, bring her back (men shouting)
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Well, look at you
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(upbeat music) (people shouting)
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(screams)
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(chain rattles, clangs)
(spiked ball hits helmet)
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(banging of metal on metal)
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SOLDIER: She went this way!
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Oh, excuse me, corpse chap.
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LEOFWINE: Dagan!
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Oooh, D-D-D-D-D Dagan!
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Boo! (Panicked breathing)
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My new master will be pleased
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(hitting sound) (screams)
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(high tempo music)
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This way, my Queen.
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Oh Oh, titting balls
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I've never gone this way before.
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They're staff stairs, come on!
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I remember you now.
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You're one of the servants and
you're called Turmeric.
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That's the spice - Yes, I knew that
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(agonised scream from upstairs)
(blade swishes)
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Dis-hand me! A commoner may not
touch a queen!
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(head bouncing on stairs) Urgh!
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- Why are we going up?
- I know of a privy chute.
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- A what?
- A privy chute.
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It's narrow, but steep and moist.
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We'll slide fast.
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Moist is a word for it,
I can think of others
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(up tempo music)
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At least consider it, my Queen.
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Do you think to trick me
and push me down?
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(screams) (splash, plop)
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(grunting)
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That wasn't so bad, was it?
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(wretches) (splashes in mud)
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The Queen requires a shoe!
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You look perfect Now, run!
(high tempo music)
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SOLDIER: Find Dagan!
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WOMAN: Find the queen!
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Where are we going?
And what's your name again?
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Shulmay.
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Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay,
Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay,
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Shulmay, Shulmay, Shulmay,
Shulmay, Shulmay.
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We'll swim downstream - We turn back.
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Huh?
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(fabric rips)
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Quick, they're coming In here
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(dog panting)
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(dog growls)
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SOLDIER: Hang on, what's this?
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The Queen's colour.
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She took to water.
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She reckons we'll lose the scent.
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Follow the river, boys!
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The Queen had outwitted
the rebels and escaped.
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Maybe Shulmay helped a bit too.
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00:09:58,917 --> 00:10:02,376
But with her cítadel taken,
what would Dagan do now?
209
00:10:02,917 --> 00:10:04,292
(owl hooting)
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00:10:09,167 --> 00:10:13,126
When I was a girl, I would watch
my father punish traitors.
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He would cleave off their arms.
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And shove them up their arses.
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00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:19,751
That's nice - Hmm.
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00:10:19,792 --> 00:10:21,667
And then he would cleave off their arses
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and shove those up whatever remained.
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People didn't always get their own arses.
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00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:28,626
Arses were swapped about.
218
00:10:30,709 --> 00:10:32,084
Now, Leofwine,
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00:10:32,584 --> 00:10:34,459
she will have all of this and more
220
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,501
when I take back the citadel tomorrow.
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00:10:37,084 --> 00:10:39,751
And do you have soldiers
for that, Your Majesty?
222
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You're making the queen feel bad.
223
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Your throne is lost
224
00:10:44,584 --> 00:10:45,751
(scoffs)
225
00:10:46,959 --> 00:10:48,334
But it can be yours again.
226
00:10:50,126 --> 00:10:51,209
You may continue.
227
00:10:51,542 --> 00:10:55,334
For weeks, I feared Leofwine
was playing both sides,
228
00:10:55,584 --> 00:10:58,084
that there were letters
she didn't show you.
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00:10:58,626 --> 00:11:01,626
Earlier in the fog of war,
she left one on the table
230
00:11:03,459 --> 00:11:04,626
(treacherous music)
231
00:11:04,667 --> 00:11:06,667
'To Chancellor Leofwine,
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00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:11,584
from King Ivarr of Jutland and
King Guthrum of the Frisians '
233
00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:13,584
These are my cousins!
234
00:11:13,667 --> 00:11:15,459
My cousins across the sea!
235
00:11:16,084 --> 00:11:18,501
'By Fingerstone Rock' (paper rustles)
236
00:11:19,501 --> 00:11:21,584
Well, I had a moment, no more
237
00:11:21,709 --> 00:11:23,292
I could only take the first page.
238
00:11:23,584 --> 00:11:25,292
Then we'll never know the rest!
239
00:11:25,584 --> 00:11:26,834
I'm finished!
240
00:11:27,001 --> 00:11:28,292
Strangle me.
241
00:11:29,501 --> 00:11:30,667
But gently.
242
00:11:31,042 --> 00:11:33,126
It said Ivarr and Guthrum
243
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will give you sanctuary in their lands.
244
00:11:35,834 --> 00:11:38,126
Then they'll muster armies and longships
245
00:11:38,167 --> 00:11:40,042
all for you to take back what's yours.
246
00:11:40,084 --> 00:11:41,876
Then I'm saved!
247
00:11:43,209 --> 00:11:44,959
But what does 'by Fingerstone
Rock' mean?
248
00:11:45,126 --> 00:11:47,001
Fingerstone is a crag on the coast.
249
00:11:47,042 --> 00:11:48,959
It marks the shortest passage
to their lands.
250
00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:51,126
Well, that's where we're going!
251
00:11:51,417 --> 00:11:53,251
How far is Fingerstone Rock from here?
252
00:11:53,292 --> 00:11:54,959
A hundred and forty miles.
253
00:11:55,334 --> 00:11:57,209
One hundred and forty miles?
254
00:11:58,251 --> 00:12:00,126
One hundred and
(upbeat marching music)
255
00:12:00,167 --> 00:12:04,209
And so began their great
journey, to Fingerstone Rock,
256
00:12:04,542 --> 00:12:07,001
to the kings, to salvation
257
00:12:07,042 --> 00:12:08,834
(mud squishes) (Shulmay sighs)
258
00:12:09,292 --> 00:12:12,542
Shulmay, your servant's shoe is
not very watertight.
259
00:12:12,709 --> 00:12:14,709
Add that to your things to fix list.
260
00:12:14,751 --> 00:12:16,792
My Queen, you are conspicuous
261
00:12:17,042 --> 00:12:19,709
with your red gown and your gold crown.
262
00:12:19,834 --> 00:12:21,042
- Just-
- Hey!
263
00:12:21,167 --> 00:12:23,126
My father's crown shall not be removed.
264
00:12:23,167 --> 00:12:24,792
If it's seen - - Well, then cover it.
265
00:12:24,834 --> 00:12:26,334
Find me a nice hat.
266
00:12:28,417 --> 00:12:29,459
Yep.
267
00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:34,542
You're probably wondering why
I'm helping you (laughs)
268
00:12:35,001 --> 00:12:40,334
Why this servant who
could've slipped away hasn't.
269
00:12:40,876 --> 00:12:43,126
Not especially, no It's your job.
270
00:12:43,542 --> 00:12:47,667
And, hey, stop walking
before your Queen!
271
00:12:48,417 --> 00:12:50,501
What is the world coming to?
272
00:12:50,917 --> 00:12:52,667
(treacherous music)
273
00:12:56,126 --> 00:12:57,584
Keep up, though!
274
00:12:58,251 --> 00:13:00,417
We have no time for slackers.
275
00:13:02,001 --> 00:13:03,792
Yeah (marching music continues)
276
00:13:06,251 --> 00:13:10,334
On they walked, with happy
smiles and swelling hearts.
277
00:13:10,792 --> 00:13:11,876
Until
278
00:13:17,459 --> 00:13:19,001
(sighs)
279
00:13:21,417 --> 00:13:24,042
This is my morning song I sing,
280
00:13:24,292 --> 00:13:26,334
in summer, winter, and in spring.
281
00:13:26,376 --> 00:13:29,084
It's made from air that I breathe in,
282
00:13:29,126 --> 00:13:30,167
(inhales)
283
00:13:30,209 --> 00:13:32,459
And push it out my mouth again.
284
00:13:32,501 --> 00:13:34,876
Some say the tune and words are wrong,
285
00:13:35,167 --> 00:13:37,126
but it is not their fucking song.
286
00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:38,126
When he leaves for work,
287
00:13:38,167 --> 00:13:40,417
we'll search his hut for clothes and food.
288
00:13:40,459 --> 00:13:41,876
Why wait?
289
00:13:42,001 --> 00:13:44,126
This man is a loyal subject.
290
00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:46,126
Look, any army would have him,
291
00:13:46,209 --> 00:13:47,917
and yet he has not joined the rebels.
292
00:13:47,959 --> 00:13:49,376
No purple flower.
293
00:13:49,459 --> 00:13:52,334
- We cannot know who his loyal.
- Greetings, peasant!
294
00:13:52,376 --> 00:13:55,126
- Great.
- I am your Queen, Queen Dagan,
295
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:57,959
and we noticed you do not wear
the mauve bloom.
296
00:13:58,209 --> 00:14:00,126
Oh, it must've fallen off - Oh!
297
00:14:00,167 --> 00:14:01,417
- An enemy!
- No, no, no
298
00:14:01,459 --> 00:14:02,834
I just like purple flowers.
299
00:14:03,751 --> 00:14:07,042
Noticed, er, lots of people
marching about wearing 'em.
300
00:14:07,501 --> 00:14:08,542
Is it fashion?
301
00:14:08,584 --> 00:14:12,834
No, it is not fashion, it is revolution.
302
00:14:13,001 --> 00:14:16,084
Oh well, been nice to meet you.
303
00:14:16,334 --> 00:14:19,292
Your Queen needs clothes and food.
304
00:14:20,167 --> 00:14:21,334
Please help us.
305
00:14:21,417 --> 00:14:23,084
Alright, well, I'll see what I've got.
306
00:14:23,292 --> 00:14:24,542
My name is Bobik.
307
00:14:25,084 --> 00:14:26,626
Okay - Right.
308
00:14:30,209 --> 00:14:31,251
Come in
309
00:14:31,292 --> 00:14:33,126
(dramatic music)
310
00:14:33,584 --> 00:14:35,001
Here's where she took to water.
311
00:14:35,084 --> 00:14:36,667
No sign of her yet (Joan sighs)
312
00:14:38,042 --> 00:14:40,042
There Footprints.
313
00:14:41,751 --> 00:14:44,376
Dagan lay here, and not alone.
314
00:14:44,459 --> 00:14:45,959
Someone's helping her.
315
00:14:46,542 --> 00:14:48,292
Someone clever - But we thought.
316
00:14:48,334 --> 00:14:50,459
Ha, what they made you think.
317
00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:54,917
Keep searching the river - Yes, Joan
318
00:14:55,376 --> 00:14:56,626
I'll go east
319
00:14:56,834 --> 00:14:58,584
I know Dagan's weaknesses.
320
00:14:58,709 --> 00:15:00,626
She'll not hide long from me.
321
00:15:00,709 --> 00:15:02,459
Thank you, Citizen Leofwine.
322
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:04,167
Take the soldiers and get to it.
323
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:07,334
Excuse me Affairs of the state (chuckles)
324
00:15:07,376 --> 00:15:09,084
(paper unfolds)
325
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:12,459
Off you go Bring me Dagan's head.
326
00:15:12,542 --> 00:15:14,001
There's a poppet.
327
00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:20,417
So, we'll walk to Fingerstone Rock,
328
00:15:20,501 --> 00:15:22,876
and then we'll sail a boat across the sea
329
00:15:23,001 --> 00:15:25,292
to find new soldiers
for the queen (chuckles)
330
00:15:25,459 --> 00:15:27,126
Splish, splash, splosh
331
00:15:27,251 --> 00:15:28,626
I've heard of the sea.
332
00:15:29,001 --> 00:15:32,042
It's like a puddle, but much, much wider.
333
00:15:32,334 --> 00:15:35,376
And it's salty, like when you
lick your own armpit
334
00:15:35,417 --> 00:15:37,876
(laughs) How far is this walk of yours?
335
00:15:37,959 --> 00:15:39,876
A hundred and thirty miles from here
336
00:15:39,959 --> 00:15:41,376
(whistles)
337
00:15:42,459 --> 00:15:43,917
You're gonna need a horse.
338
00:15:43,959 --> 00:15:47,334
They all died In the great horse plague.
339
00:15:47,626 --> 00:15:49,501
A dragon, then - Yeah, they're not real
340
00:15:49,542 --> 00:15:51,501
(laughs) Fuck off.
341
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:53,542
- Do you have any money?
- Uh-uh.
342
00:15:53,584 --> 00:15:54,626
Food?
343
00:15:55,376 --> 00:15:57,417
Well, just these crusts you're eating.
344
00:15:58,001 --> 00:15:59,334
And a lump.
345
00:16:01,084 --> 00:16:02,292
A lump of what?
346
00:16:03,084 --> 00:16:04,126
Lamb?
347
00:16:04,584 --> 00:16:06,167
Or cheese? (Sniffs)
348
00:16:06,834 --> 00:16:09,167
The man I get it off never tells me.
349
00:16:09,501 --> 00:16:10,834
What's your trade, Bobik?
350
00:16:10,917 --> 00:16:12,542
I'm a shit spader
351
00:16:12,709 --> 00:16:14,001
I spade the shit.
352
00:16:14,167 --> 00:16:15,477
Not a job that needs a long explanation.
353
00:16:15,501 --> 00:16:18,042
No, there there's more to it
than most think, you know.
354
00:16:18,084 --> 00:16:21,292
There are countless different
kinds of shit.
355
00:16:21,334 --> 00:16:23,501
And no two spades the same.
356
00:16:23,542 --> 00:16:25,417
You have your basic cow shit.
357
00:16:25,626 --> 00:16:27,542
Um, you've got your runny shit,
358
00:16:27,584 --> 00:16:30,917
you've got your compacted shit,
crumbly shit,
359
00:16:31,001 --> 00:16:34,626
glistening shit, young shit,
old shit, frozen shit,
360
00:16:35,001 --> 00:16:37,917
grassy shit, muddy shit, waxy shit.
361
00:16:37,959 --> 00:16:40,459
You even have shit with bones in it.
362
00:16:40,501 --> 00:16:42,459
- We understand.
- Mouldy shit, mossy shit,
363
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:45,792
stringy shit, sandy shit,
leafy shit, mystery shit.
364
00:16:46,542 --> 00:16:47,917
Fizzy shit.
365
00:16:48,042 --> 00:16:49,917
You get tasty shit too (gags)
366
00:16:50,042 --> 00:16:51,084
Where are you going?
367
00:16:53,376 --> 00:16:54,501
You have sacks.
368
00:16:54,584 --> 00:16:55,959
Yeah, for of shit.
369
00:16:56,126 --> 00:16:57,417
And they clothe you.
370
00:16:57,542 --> 00:16:59,584
My Queen, we need disguises.
371
00:16:59,834 --> 00:17:03,167
We can wear sack cloth
and carry powerful spades
372
00:17:03,209 --> 00:17:06,292
and pose as honest shovelers
on our trek.
373
00:17:06,417 --> 00:17:10,001
And it was at that moment
Queen Dagan awoke
374
00:17:10,042 --> 00:17:12,292
from her hideous nightmare
375
00:17:16,084 --> 00:17:17,126
(sighs)
376
00:17:17,167 --> 00:17:19,167
This trek, I'll come with you.
377
00:17:19,209 --> 00:17:20,917
No No, Bobik.
378
00:17:20,959 --> 00:17:22,768
It's bad enough having to walk
next to a servant.
379
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:25,042
But you, I don't mean to offend you here,
380
00:17:25,084 --> 00:17:28,459
but you are the lowest variety of human.
381
00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:31,042
But if I come with you,
you can make me a thane.
382
00:17:31,959 --> 00:17:33,751
That's the second highest title.
383
00:17:33,917 --> 00:17:35,667
BOBIK: Well, what's the highest?
384
00:17:36,084 --> 00:17:39,376
An earl - Good, then I'll be an earl
385
00:17:39,751 --> 00:17:43,751
I like the shit and I take a
great deal of pride
386
00:17:43,792 --> 00:17:45,584
in my spading of it, but
387
00:17:45,709 --> 00:17:49,792
I've always fancied being,
um, one of those rich fellas.
388
00:17:50,209 --> 00:17:53,751
Bobik is strong, and has skills we don't
389
00:17:54,709 --> 00:17:56,459
(laughs nervously)
390
00:17:56,501 --> 00:17:58,251
SHULMAY: He could prove handy.
391
00:17:59,542 --> 00:18:00,834
Alright.
392
00:18:01,084 --> 00:18:03,334
Bobik, you may journey with us,
393
00:18:03,376 --> 00:18:05,834
and when I'm restored to my throne,
394
00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:08,959
I shall give you that earldom.
395
00:18:10,501 --> 00:18:12,959
Yes! Thank you
396
00:18:14,876 --> 00:18:16,792
(giggles)
397
00:18:18,084 --> 00:18:20,334
I'll never make an earl of Bobik
398
00:18:20,376 --> 00:18:21,584
(giggles)
399
00:18:21,959 --> 00:18:24,292
Or you, or any lowborn.
400
00:18:24,376 --> 00:18:26,018
But I don't think we need
to tell him that now.
401
00:18:26,042 --> 00:18:28,084
It can be our little secret
402
00:18:28,376 --> 00:18:30,417
(aunty music)
403
00:18:31,001 --> 00:18:32,334
(fabric ripping)
404
00:18:49,751 --> 00:18:51,709
Yeah (dramatic flute music)
405
00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:57,001
And so, the two became three.
406
00:18:57,626 --> 00:19:00,626
Queen Dagan, Shulmay, and Bobik,
407
00:19:01,001 --> 00:19:03,667
names to echo down the ages.
408
00:19:04,292 --> 00:19:06,376
As long as they didn't get caught.
409
00:19:07,459 --> 00:19:09,709
You walk like a queen, my Queen.
410
00:19:10,501 --> 00:19:12,042
You should walk like a Bobik.
411
00:19:15,292 --> 00:19:16,584
There.
412
00:19:16,876 --> 00:19:18,626
Oh, and I'll speak peasant too.
413
00:19:18,667 --> 00:19:21,001
Once, I spoke peasant all day,
414
00:19:21,084 --> 00:19:23,376
and it really did make the thanes chuckle
415
00:19:23,584 --> 00:19:24,876
(clears her throat)
416
00:19:25,126 --> 00:19:30,251
'Shall I milk your herd for you, kind Sir?'
417
00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:34,584
Okay, so when we meet someone,
I'll do the talking.
418
00:19:35,876 --> 00:19:37,501
- Will you now?
- Yeah.
419
00:19:37,626 --> 00:19:38,834
BOBIK: I'll talk too
420
00:19:39,001 --> 00:19:40,417
I know lots of words
421
00:19:40,501 --> 00:19:41,917
I know twenty words.
422
00:19:41,959 --> 00:19:43,542
Shall we have a little practice, Bobik?
423
00:19:43,876 --> 00:19:45,751
Okay, I'm a stranger.
424
00:19:46,834 --> 00:19:48,792
Fine morning, fellow travellers.
425
00:19:48,834 --> 00:19:50,417
Where are you going?
426
00:19:50,709 --> 00:19:52,209
We are on a journey.
427
00:19:52,334 --> 00:19:54,001
Shit spaders, I see
428
00:19:54,251 --> 00:19:56,542
I am, yeah She's not, she's the queen.
429
00:19:56,917 --> 00:20:00,667
We're off to meet some kings and -oh.
430
00:20:00,959 --> 00:20:02,959
So, lies are required.
431
00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:04,626
But lies are bad and wrong.
432
00:20:04,667 --> 00:20:06,501
Let's just try this again.
433
00:20:06,542 --> 00:20:08,459
Say, 'I am not Bobik '
434
00:20:08,501 --> 00:20:09,834
But I am Bobik.
435
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,209
Say it.
436
00:20:12,084 --> 00:20:17,376
I am not Bobik.
437
00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:19,209
And it's a great first go.
438
00:20:19,251 --> 00:20:20,435
Okay, but don't puff your cheeks out,
439
00:20:20,459 --> 00:20:22,584
'cause it gives the game away So, again
440
00:20:22,667 --> 00:20:25,042
I am not Bobik.
441
00:20:25,084 --> 00:20:26,792
Don't look up (groans)
442
00:20:27,084 --> 00:20:29,376
I am not Bobik.
443
00:20:29,417 --> 00:20:30,709
Getting worse now.
444
00:20:30,834 --> 00:20:32,667
A traveller do come.
445
00:20:32,709 --> 00:20:34,292
MAN: Pots, pans, kettles, and cans
446
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,167
(whistling) (pots and pans clanging)
447
00:20:39,209 --> 00:20:40,584
Bobik, you're a lifelong mute.
448
00:20:40,626 --> 00:20:43,167
Without words thou be.
449
00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:44,709
None of that.
450
00:20:46,001 --> 00:20:47,542
Your Majesty
451
00:20:49,251 --> 00:20:50,876
(cart squeaks and rumbles)
452
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:58,792
Pots and pans, kettles and cans.
453
00:20:59,334 --> 00:21:01,334
Good day, Mr Ironmonger.
454
00:21:01,501 --> 00:21:02,834
Beautiful smithing there.
455
00:21:02,876 --> 00:21:04,876
Thank you - Yes, and that one is lovely.
456
00:21:04,917 --> 00:21:06,542
Love them all - Obliged.
457
00:21:06,584 --> 00:21:08,102
Yeah We've no money to
buy them, though,
458
00:21:08,126 --> 00:21:09,501
as we are not wealthy
459
00:21:09,626 --> 00:21:10,792
I suppose so.
460
00:21:11,167 --> 00:21:13,417
You're three shit spaders,
that much is plain.
461
00:21:13,459 --> 00:21:16,417
It is very plain that's what we are.
462
00:21:16,584 --> 00:21:19,876
Yes, all day, just shovelling away.
463
00:21:20,709 --> 00:21:22,417
Oh, my poor back!
464
00:21:22,459 --> 00:21:24,876
Sure you've got no coin, pal?
(treacherous music)
465
00:21:25,334 --> 00:21:27,334
Can't tempt you with this
lovely little shit pan,
466
00:21:27,376 --> 00:21:28,751
just for the small shits?
467
00:21:31,042 --> 00:21:32,584
Er, he was born without speech.
468
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:35,334
As was she.
469
00:21:37,126 --> 00:21:38,686
Heard the big news from up the citadel?
470
00:21:39,292 --> 00:21:40,542
SHULMAY: We have not, Sir.
471
00:21:41,126 --> 00:21:42,751
It's all over for Queen Dagan.
472
00:21:43,792 --> 00:21:45,501
Humble Joan holds the realm now.
473
00:21:46,084 --> 00:21:47,209
What do you make of that?
474
00:21:47,542 --> 00:21:48,902
SHULMAY: What do you make of that?
475
00:21:50,126 --> 00:21:51,209
Glorious.
476
00:21:52,209 --> 00:21:53,542
Absolutely fantastic.
477
00:21:53,584 --> 00:21:55,334
It's, it's so good.
478
00:21:55,667 --> 00:21:57,792
They say Humble Joan has some
sort of dust
479
00:21:57,834 --> 00:21:59,334
that goes boom! (Bang and clattering)
480
00:21:59,459 --> 00:22:02,251
Went through them walls like
piss through a snowdrift.
481
00:22:02,834 --> 00:22:04,167
Good job and all.
482
00:22:04,376 --> 00:22:06,584
Dagan was a right old cow (laughs)
483
00:22:06,792 --> 00:22:09,001
Well, let's not be too hard on her.
484
00:22:09,042 --> 00:22:10,084
She was a cow, mate.
485
00:22:10,126 --> 00:22:11,727
Like, if I were to compose a ranking list
486
00:22:11,751 --> 00:22:13,584
of my favourite evil tyrants,
487
00:22:14,167 --> 00:22:15,667
she'd never make top twenty.
488
00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:17,376
Well, we've delayed you long enough.
489
00:22:17,417 --> 00:22:19,417
Nailed on bottom five Bottom two, even.
490
00:22:19,459 --> 00:22:20,876
SHULMAY: We really must be going.
491
00:22:20,959 --> 00:22:25,167
- This way is east, isn't it?
- Last place is either Dagan or
492
00:22:25,209 --> 00:22:27,834
hmm, Magnus the Flagellator?
(laughing)
493
00:22:27,959 --> 00:22:29,393
And Magnus did a lot more charity work
494
00:22:29,417 --> 00:22:30,751
than people remember.
495
00:22:31,542 --> 00:22:33,334
It's sort of overshadowed, you know?
496
00:22:34,167 --> 00:22:35,667
By the flagellations.
497
00:22:36,001 --> 00:22:37,626
Well, it's been a pleasure.
498
00:22:37,667 --> 00:22:40,251
She's not the queen (treacherous music)
499
00:22:44,376 --> 00:22:45,667
He speaks!
500
00:22:46,751 --> 00:22:49,084
Mute all his sad life,
501
00:22:49,126 --> 00:22:51,917
and now, here on this moor,
502
00:22:52,334 --> 00:22:54,584
he magics whole phrases.
503
00:22:55,167 --> 00:22:56,667
She's not the queen.
504
00:22:57,876 --> 00:22:59,584
And he doesn't even know what
they mean.
505
00:23:00,709 --> 00:23:03,292
Well, farewell, good sir,
and good munging.
506
00:23:03,334 --> 00:23:07,667
Oh, hey, if you're heading
east, beware a certain forest
507
00:23:07,709 --> 00:23:09,209
(creepy music)
508
00:23:09,709 --> 00:23:10,751
What forest?
509
00:23:11,292 --> 00:23:13,209
I just told you, a certain one.
510
00:23:14,667 --> 00:23:16,251
Okay
511
00:23:19,001 --> 00:23:20,601
(pots and pans clanging)
(cart squeaking)
512
00:23:26,001 --> 00:23:28,709
If he looks behind, we have
something to fear
513
00:23:29,042 --> 00:23:30,626
(tense music)
514
00:23:39,917 --> 00:23:41,501
(sighs) All is well.
515
00:23:47,251 --> 00:23:48,931
BOBIK: It was a nice little shit pan, that
516
00:23:55,001 --> 00:23:56,876
(upbeat music)
517
00:23:58,751 --> 00:24:00,334
I should be sitting at my desk
518
00:24:00,376 --> 00:24:02,376
having a cheeky midweek wine.
519
00:24:03,001 --> 00:24:04,709
- You know I collect goblets?
- Do ya?
520
00:24:04,876 --> 00:24:06,018
People think I work all the time,
521
00:24:06,042 --> 00:24:07,542
but I've got loads of interests.
522
00:24:07,584 --> 00:24:11,709
Socialising, giving orders Mmm.
523
00:24:11,751 --> 00:24:13,310
We don't even know if they came
this way.
524
00:24:13,334 --> 00:24:15,042
Bloody runaway monarchs!
525
00:24:15,292 --> 00:24:17,417
So annoying! (Sticks clanging)
526
00:24:19,209 --> 00:24:20,917
I know this pattern!
527
00:24:22,084 --> 00:24:23,876
They're close, Max.
528
00:24:24,584 --> 00:24:26,042
They're close.
529
00:24:27,042 --> 00:24:28,459
SHULMAY: Darkness gathers.
530
00:24:28,917 --> 00:24:30,376
We'll dwell the night here.
531
00:24:31,001 --> 00:24:33,626
I can't remember when I wasn't walking.
532
00:24:34,501 --> 00:24:36,001
How long has it been?
533
00:24:36,334 --> 00:24:39,376
All day, all night, another day.
534
00:24:43,626 --> 00:24:49,709
Oh, my toes, they look like
boxers' eyelids!
535
00:24:49,751 --> 00:24:52,751
I'm-I'm rancid I'm rotting.
536
00:24:53,126 --> 00:24:56,292
My royal body requires a palace to rest in.
537
00:24:56,917 --> 00:24:58,042
- Here?
- Yes.
538
00:24:58,209 --> 00:24:59,751
Make a palace happen around me.
539
00:24:59,792 --> 00:25:01,251
A good stone one.
540
00:25:02,959 --> 00:25:04,084
Okay.
541
00:25:06,501 --> 00:25:09,292
I can't sleep without my
anthem, Shulmay.
542
00:25:13,084 --> 00:25:18,167
Harsh as a lion, she tramples her foes,
543
00:25:18,626 --> 00:25:20,667
raises burdensome taxes
544
00:25:20,709 --> 00:25:23,876
on their howling widows,
545
00:25:24,084 --> 00:25:28,042
Queen, Queen Dagan.
546
00:25:28,292 --> 00:25:29,917
While Queen Dagan slept,
547
00:25:29,959 --> 00:25:33,042
Humble Joan was workíng late
at the citadel.
548
00:25:33,417 --> 00:25:36,084
Ultimate super weapons don't
make themselves, you know.
549
00:25:36,292 --> 00:25:38,292
Easy does it
550
00:25:38,459 --> 00:25:40,126
(tense music)
551
00:25:40,709 --> 00:25:42,209
Beautiful.
552
00:25:44,667 --> 00:25:47,459
It's kings and queens who yearn
for portraits.
553
00:25:47,501 --> 00:25:50,417
Oh, but Joan, you're the
greatest woman of the age.
554
00:25:50,501 --> 00:25:55,501
Alright, if you must, but it
doesn't matter to me
555
00:25:55,542 --> 00:25:57,042
(soft music)
556
00:25:57,626 --> 00:25:59,542
How will you do my hair?
557
00:25:59,751 --> 00:26:01,876
(footsteps approach)
A message from Leofwine.
558
00:26:02,709 --> 00:26:04,834
'I'm pursuing the tyrant Dagan eastward.
559
00:26:05,167 --> 00:26:07,084
Though she's proved elusive so far,
560
00:26:07,376 --> 00:26:10,209
I expect to capture her very
tremendously soon '
561
00:26:11,126 --> 00:26:13,334
(banging) Dagan's alive.
562
00:26:14,001 --> 00:26:16,834
While her heart beats, I cannot rest easy
563
00:26:19,209 --> 00:26:20,459
(shivering)
564
00:26:20,542 --> 00:26:22,292
DAGAN: It's damn cold out there.
565
00:26:23,084 --> 00:26:24,626
It's toasty in this palace.
566
00:26:25,376 --> 00:26:27,459
If a little heavy.
567
00:26:27,751 --> 00:26:30,001
Would you like us to remove
some stones, Your Majesty?
568
00:26:30,042 --> 00:26:32,209
DAGAN: No, no, don't be ridiculous.
569
00:26:32,292 --> 00:26:34,834
Then I'd be cold, like you (yawns)
570
00:26:34,917 --> 00:26:36,084
Night-night.
571
00:26:37,334 --> 00:26:38,376
Shulmay.
572
00:26:38,834 --> 00:26:39,876
Bobik.
573
00:26:41,626 --> 00:26:43,376
I'm in this to be an earl.
574
00:26:44,917 --> 00:26:47,417
And Dagan's in this to get her
kingdom back.
575
00:26:47,459 --> 00:26:48,959
What's in it for you?
576
00:26:50,251 --> 00:26:54,876
When I was a girl, I found
myself with no family,
577
00:26:55,376 --> 00:26:57,917
nor any friends to keep me.
578
00:26:58,459 --> 00:27:02,167
So, I banged my little fists on
the citadel gates
579
00:27:02,251 --> 00:27:04,376
and I begged for a job (dramatic music)
580
00:27:04,417 --> 00:27:07,209
They made me table servant to
Ur-Nammu.
581
00:27:07,417 --> 00:27:10,459
The old king, Dagan's dad.
582
00:27:11,792 --> 00:27:14,501
One night I'm sent to fetch his dinner,
583
00:27:15,626 --> 00:27:18,667
citadel's a warren, I get lost.
584
00:27:20,042 --> 00:27:23,042
Ur-Nammu's dinner comes
late, and it comes cold
585
00:27:23,084 --> 00:27:24,292
(clanging)
586
00:27:24,334 --> 00:27:28,459
So, he gives an order to feed
me to his wolves
587
00:27:31,251 --> 00:27:32,709
(wolf snarls)
588
00:27:34,001 --> 00:27:35,501
That's not very good, is it?
589
00:27:35,792 --> 00:27:39,959
His wife, Queen Fritha,
bargained for my life.
590
00:27:41,251 --> 00:27:43,459
She made me a servant in her chambers.
591
00:27:43,792 --> 00:27:46,376
And for five years I stayed with her there
592
00:27:46,417 --> 00:27:47,167
(dramatic music)
593
00:27:47,209 --> 00:27:49,501
Fritha always wore a charm
around her neck.
594
00:27:50,167 --> 00:27:52,459
When the illness took her,
she gave it to me.
595
00:27:53,459 --> 00:27:54,751
And she said
596
00:27:54,792 --> 00:27:56,584
(whispers) If that girl is ever in trouble,
597
00:27:57,334 --> 00:28:01,542
(haunting music) please look after her.
598
00:28:02,626 --> 00:28:04,376
Queen Fritha always wore this.
599
00:28:04,542 --> 00:28:06,584
It's Dagan's first baby tooth.
600
00:28:09,001 --> 00:28:11,542
Fritha saved me, and I couldn't save her.
601
00:28:14,876 --> 00:28:16,626
So, I'll save her daughter,
602
00:28:17,376 --> 00:28:19,292
whether her daughter likes it or not.
603
00:28:19,626 --> 00:28:21,334
Dagan doesn't know about this?
604
00:28:21,584 --> 00:28:23,376
She won't hear talk of her mother.
605
00:28:26,042 --> 00:28:27,417
That's just how it is.
606
00:28:28,084 --> 00:28:30,042
You're a good person, Shulmay.
607
00:28:30,334 --> 00:28:32,251
You deserve good things to
happen to you.
608
00:28:35,001 --> 00:28:36,042
Yeah.
609
00:28:40,584 --> 00:28:41,626
Ni-night
610
00:28:48,042 --> 00:28:48,876
(claps) (snorts)
611
00:28:48,917 --> 00:28:50,292
- Come on!
- What?
612
00:28:50,334 --> 00:28:51,667
Sun's coming up.
613
00:28:51,834 --> 00:28:53,042
Time to get moving.
614
00:28:53,459 --> 00:28:55,834
One of us has to have some
discipline around here.
615
00:28:56,751 --> 00:28:58,084
Looks like it's me.
616
00:28:59,126 --> 00:29:00,334
Off we pop!
617
00:29:01,084 --> 00:29:03,209
(light music) (birds chirping)
618
00:29:07,167 --> 00:29:09,417
This is my morning song I sing,
619
00:29:10,001 --> 00:29:12,001
in summer, winter, and in spring.
620
00:29:12,459 --> 00:29:15,042
It's made from air that I breathe in,
621
00:29:15,584 --> 00:29:18,376
and then push out my mouth again.
622
00:29:21,084 --> 00:29:23,376
Shulmay, I seek your advice.
623
00:29:23,626 --> 00:29:24,917
Lowly you may be,
624
00:29:24,959 --> 00:29:27,251
but you're what's here,
so, you'll have to do.
625
00:29:27,417 --> 00:29:29,459
Hmm Such an honour.
626
00:29:29,542 --> 00:29:33,292
King Ivarr, King Guthrum
627
00:29:33,834 --> 00:29:39,001
I'll marry one of them to bind
the alliance and make an heir.
628
00:29:40,251 --> 00:29:42,417
But which one? (Dramatic music)
629
00:29:42,626 --> 00:29:46,417
Guthrum's warriors could lay
waste to whole shires,
630
00:29:46,667 --> 00:29:50,667
but Ivarr's fleets could ravage hell itself.
631
00:29:50,959 --> 00:29:53,417
Choices, choices.
632
00:29:53,751 --> 00:29:54,917
They both sound delightful,
633
00:29:54,959 --> 00:29:57,167
but would your mother want you
marrying either?
634
00:29:58,251 --> 00:30:00,417
What I mean to say is - You said nothing.
635
00:30:01,167 --> 00:30:03,584
And you will never speak of
that nothing, ever.
636
00:30:04,126 --> 00:30:05,667
Do you understand? (Tense music)
637
00:30:05,709 --> 00:30:07,209
Yes, my Queen
638
00:30:07,292 --> 00:30:08,751
(up tempo music)
639
00:30:13,584 --> 00:30:17,001
And all the while, the traitor,
Leofwine, pursued them.
640
00:30:18,292 --> 00:30:20,834
Unrelenting, unstoppable,
641
00:30:21,251 --> 00:30:23,834
like a machine, but with great hair.
642
00:30:25,709 --> 00:30:26,709
Yeah.
643
00:30:28,501 --> 00:30:29,584
Up there.
644
00:30:29,667 --> 00:30:31,001
Three of 'em.
645
00:30:40,834 --> 00:30:42,501
And halt.
646
00:30:44,417 --> 00:30:46,792
Dinner time (sighs)
647
00:30:47,376 --> 00:30:49,542
Ooh, hello lump.
648
00:30:49,584 --> 00:30:50,584
Rip.
649
00:30:53,167 --> 00:30:54,584
Thank you - Hmm.
650
00:30:57,959 --> 00:30:59,167
It's lamb - It's cheese.
651
00:30:59,376 --> 00:31:01,542
It's all we've got to eat
for the next ninety miles
652
00:31:01,584 --> 00:31:02,917
(pig snorting)
653
00:31:05,376 --> 00:31:09,167
Why just eat when we can feast?
654
00:31:09,417 --> 00:31:10,959
(pig snorting)
655
00:31:11,584 --> 00:31:14,209
Fine pork aplenty there.
656
00:31:14,292 --> 00:31:16,501
More than enough to last us all the way.
657
00:31:16,917 --> 00:31:19,292
And this is our bait.
658
00:31:19,834 --> 00:31:21,876
Yeah, boars are nimble.
659
00:31:22,501 --> 00:31:23,792
We'll need a bow to catch it
660
00:31:23,834 --> 00:31:25,917
I'm an incredible hunter
661
00:31:26,126 --> 00:31:27,876
(aunty music)
662
00:31:32,376 --> 00:31:35,042
My Queen, we used to hide in a ditch,
663
00:31:35,084 --> 00:31:37,376
and release the animals as you
came past.
664
00:31:40,459 --> 00:31:42,042
Well, I still have to catch the things.
665
00:31:42,084 --> 00:31:43,542
It's not as though you lamed them.
666
00:31:43,584 --> 00:31:45,167
Well - Shh!
667
00:31:45,334 --> 00:31:46,876
You'll startle our prey (pig snorting)
668
00:31:50,167 --> 00:31:53,459
(shouting) Surprise attack!
(pig startles, squeals)
669
00:31:56,751 --> 00:31:59,834
Yeah, maybe don't actually say,
'surprise attack'
670
00:31:59,959 --> 00:32:01,501
(upbeat music)
671
00:32:01,542 --> 00:32:02,542
Here we go
672
00:32:03,376 --> 00:32:04,417
(pig snorts)
673
00:32:04,501 --> 00:32:05,959
Good piggy
674
00:32:09,542 --> 00:32:11,001
(string snaps, twangs)
675
00:32:11,626 --> 00:32:12,626
(pig snorts)
676
00:32:13,417 --> 00:32:14,751
(stick breaks) (rock thumps)
677
00:32:14,792 --> 00:32:16,167
(pig snorts happily)
678
00:32:17,292 --> 00:32:20,542
(shouting) It's a bit fucking late now!
679
00:32:21,376 --> 00:32:22,376
Ow!
680
00:32:22,459 --> 00:32:26,084
He'll stay longer if we leave
the whole lump
681
00:32:26,126 --> 00:32:27,834
(upbeat music)
682
00:32:33,167 --> 00:32:34,542
(pig snorts, snuffles)
683
00:32:38,001 --> 00:32:39,501
(grass rustles)
684
00:32:40,209 --> 00:32:41,251
She's gonna do it
685
00:32:41,417 --> 00:32:42,417
(thump)
686
00:32:42,709 --> 00:32:44,251
(groans)
687
00:32:45,167 --> 00:32:46,292
(pig snorts happily)
688
00:32:49,376 --> 00:32:50,667
Urgh
689
00:32:52,417 --> 00:32:53,751
(sighs)
690
00:32:55,084 --> 00:32:56,834
You're angry with me.
691
00:32:58,126 --> 00:33:00,334
You know, if anyone's to blame
here, Shulmay.
692
00:33:00,376 --> 00:33:01,417
Really?
693
00:33:08,167 --> 00:33:10,917
If anyone's to blame here, Shulmay
694
00:33:13,959 --> 00:33:14,959
it's me.
695
00:33:16,667 --> 00:33:18,751
And it's my fault we've no food now.
696
00:33:20,251 --> 00:33:21,501
And?
697
00:33:22,709 --> 00:33:28,667
And I'm sorry.
698
00:33:29,042 --> 00:33:31,251
An apology Thank you.
699
00:33:32,417 --> 00:33:33,917
Up we get.
700
00:33:34,376 --> 00:33:36,292
No time for slackers, eh?
701
00:33:37,084 --> 00:33:38,626
(soft music)
702
00:33:42,667 --> 00:33:45,417
Shulmay, isn't it strange,
703
00:33:46,584 --> 00:33:48,792
a few days ago I didn't even
know your name,
704
00:33:49,334 --> 00:33:50,626
or any servant's
705
00:33:50,876 --> 00:33:53,209
(uplifting flute music) And now here I am.
706
00:33:54,751 --> 00:33:56,126
Here we are.
707
00:34:05,084 --> 00:34:06,542
I did a table.
708
00:34:06,626 --> 00:34:09,167
Tonight, we shall feast upon
the rich flesh
709
00:34:12,834 --> 00:34:14,376
(table crashes)
710
00:34:25,292 --> 00:34:27,042
(grass, leaves rustle)
711
00:34:28,667 --> 00:34:31,042
LEOFWINE: Dagan's pretty crown.
712
00:34:33,834 --> 00:34:34,876
This way.
713
00:34:37,917 --> 00:34:39,542
DAGAN: Tell me about yourself, Bobik.
714
00:34:39,751 --> 00:34:41,792
And I'll listen this time, I actually will
715
00:34:42,126 --> 00:34:43,626
I was born in a bin.
716
00:34:44,501 --> 00:34:46,227
When we were little,
we couldn't afford clothes,
717
00:34:46,251 --> 00:34:49,001
so, we made our own out of nettles.
718
00:34:49,792 --> 00:34:50,917
Ouch.
719
00:34:51,126 --> 00:34:52,709
That was my first word.
720
00:34:53,417 --> 00:34:55,459
Then there was the whole rest of my life.
721
00:34:56,834 --> 00:34:58,042
And then there's now.
722
00:34:59,251 --> 00:35:01,042
Which is the important bit, isn't it?
723
00:35:02,334 --> 00:35:03,792
Yeah, he's actually right.
724
00:35:04,126 --> 00:35:05,959
We fret so much about the future,
725
00:35:06,001 --> 00:35:07,626
or I do, anyway.
726
00:35:08,167 --> 00:35:11,167
And then when you get
to the future, it's now.
727
00:35:11,876 --> 00:35:13,584
Life is made of now's
728
00:35:13,792 --> 00:35:15,084
(ethereal music)
729
00:35:18,292 --> 00:35:21,626
It's always now.
730
00:35:25,001 --> 00:35:27,001
Such wisdom.
731
00:35:27,376 --> 00:35:29,542
There's an invisible snail of time,
732
00:35:29,959 --> 00:35:32,209
and he eats all your now's.
733
00:35:32,584 --> 00:35:34,626
The day you see him is the day you die.
734
00:35:36,334 --> 00:35:38,084
And he's called Big Liam.
735
00:35:40,292 --> 00:35:42,084
It was going so well till then
736
00:35:42,126 --> 00:35:43,917
(upbeat music)
737
00:35:44,001 --> 00:35:46,417
Ooh, I bet they've got good
pies down there.
738
00:35:46,792 --> 00:35:48,042
We've gotta eat sometime.
739
00:35:48,084 --> 00:35:49,626
DAGAN: Well, we can't enter a town.
740
00:35:50,376 --> 00:35:51,834
BOBIK: Got no money anyway.
741
00:35:52,334 --> 00:35:53,376
Got these.
742
00:35:54,501 --> 00:35:55,667
No.
743
00:35:55,876 --> 00:35:59,417
No, I'm not shovelling turds
for copper coins.
744
00:36:00,084 --> 00:36:01,459
I'm just not.
745
00:36:02,917 --> 00:36:06,376
I said I'm not shovelling turds
for copper coins.
746
00:36:06,417 --> 00:36:07,584
Did you hear me?
747
00:36:07,834 --> 00:36:08,917
Guys?
748
00:36:09,001 --> 00:36:10,667
(noisy market)
749
00:36:12,542 --> 00:36:13,751
(chickens clucking)
750
00:36:13,876 --> 00:36:14,959
(market sellers shouting)
751
00:36:15,292 --> 00:36:16,292
Bread!
752
00:36:16,584 --> 00:36:18,501
Only one quarter sawdust!
753
00:36:19,167 --> 00:36:20,959
- Bread!
- Finest wool!
754
00:36:22,584 --> 00:36:23,917
Get your random geese!
755
00:36:23,959 --> 00:36:26,917
(bell ringing) TOWN CRIER: Oyez, oyez!
756
00:36:27,001 --> 00:36:29,917
News from the citadel.
757
00:36:29,959 --> 00:36:30,959
MAN: Shh, shh, shh.
758
00:36:31,042 --> 00:36:33,459
The siege is over.
759
00:36:33,584 --> 00:36:36,667
The victor is Humble Joan!
760
00:36:36,709 --> 00:36:38,251
(cheers) (upbeat flute music)
761
00:36:41,334 --> 00:36:44,584
- (chanting) Humble Joan!
- DAGAN: Shulmay.
762
00:36:45,292 --> 00:36:47,292
Sorry, excuse me, sorry.
763
00:36:49,417 --> 00:36:50,876
Hooray!
764
00:36:52,959 --> 00:36:54,834
Sorry - Thank you
765
00:36:57,376 --> 00:36:58,751
(squidging)
766
00:37:01,001 --> 00:37:03,126
DAGAN: Urgh Yuck (flies buzzing)
767
00:37:07,084 --> 00:37:08,834
Shit spaders for hire, you said.
768
00:37:09,042 --> 00:37:11,376
Yeah - You can spade shit.
769
00:37:11,417 --> 00:37:14,376
Thank you - You can sort of spade shit.
770
00:37:14,417 --> 00:37:16,501
But I've got no words for you.
771
00:37:16,751 --> 00:37:20,042
Pick up the pace, or nobody gets paid!
772
00:37:21,251 --> 00:37:23,876
Bobik, I need to improve!
773
00:37:23,917 --> 00:37:26,376
It takes many, many years to
master the way of the spade.
774
00:37:26,417 --> 00:37:28,417
It's it's not something you
can just get across
775
00:37:28,459 --> 00:37:29,792
in an afternoon.
776
00:37:30,126 --> 00:37:31,459
Well, can we try?
777
00:37:32,959 --> 00:37:33,959
What's your song?
778
00:37:34,084 --> 00:37:35,542
Harsh as a lion.
779
00:37:35,584 --> 00:37:36,959
No, no!
780
00:37:37,167 --> 00:37:38,584
Your real song.
781
00:37:39,126 --> 00:37:40,292
Come here.
782
00:37:41,209 --> 00:37:42,334
Closer.
783
00:37:42,584 --> 00:37:44,084
Bobik not gonna hurt Dagan.
784
00:37:44,126 --> 00:37:45,459
Just close your eyes.
785
00:37:46,209 --> 00:37:47,209
Please.
786
00:37:47,959 --> 00:37:53,042
Now, I'm gonna need you to go
deep inside yourself
787
00:37:54,084 --> 00:37:55,501
(tense music) Okay?
788
00:37:55,876 --> 00:37:59,251
Now, just imagine for a second
789
00:38:00,042 --> 00:38:01,542
that you're not a queen.
790
00:38:02,501 --> 00:38:03,709
You're not a woman.
791
00:38:05,042 --> 00:38:06,876
You're not a man.
792
00:38:07,876 --> 00:38:11,959
There's no earth, there's no sky.
793
00:38:13,459 --> 00:38:17,126
It's just you, and the spade,
794
00:38:18,542 --> 00:38:20,876
and the thing what must be spaded.
795
00:38:22,209 --> 00:38:24,251
Now open your eyes
796
00:38:24,292 --> 00:38:26,376
(whoosh)
797
00:38:29,042 --> 00:38:30,459
What do you see?
798
00:38:31,709 --> 00:38:32,876
(echoing) Me.
799
00:38:34,584 --> 00:38:36,209
Spade.
800
00:38:38,084 --> 00:38:39,626
And that huge pile.
801
00:38:40,126 --> 00:38:42,209
BOBIK; Now, there's a song inside you.
802
00:38:42,709 --> 00:38:46,167
Everyone has one, deep in their soul.
803
00:38:46,417 --> 00:38:48,209
That's your spading song.
804
00:38:48,417 --> 00:38:50,084
That's your rhythm.
805
00:38:53,126 --> 00:38:54,167
No.
806
00:38:54,792 --> 00:38:56,792
I can't hear any song, I'm sorry.
807
00:38:56,834 --> 00:38:58,084
Well, that's odd.
808
00:38:58,126 --> 00:38:59,917
Well, let's go even deeper.
809
00:39:00,001 --> 00:39:02,376
Think about something from your past.
810
00:39:02,542 --> 00:39:04,209
SHULMAY: Not a good idea.
811
00:39:04,626 --> 00:39:07,084
BOBIK: It'll be fine Bobik's got this.
812
00:39:07,126 --> 00:39:08,501
SHULMAY: Well, does he, though?
813
00:39:08,542 --> 00:39:10,167
DAGAN: Not helping.
814
00:39:10,292 --> 00:39:13,251
BOBIK: Trust me Close your eyes again
815
00:39:14,084 --> 00:39:15,917
(chanting music)
816
00:39:16,417 --> 00:39:18,501
Go even deeper inside.
817
00:39:19,417 --> 00:39:20,959
Deep as it goes
818
00:39:24,126 --> 00:39:26,126
(whooshing)
819
00:39:26,167 --> 00:39:27,834
(humming)
820
00:39:31,751 --> 00:39:33,042
(sludge squelching)
821
00:39:38,459 --> 00:39:40,251
See? I told you.
822
00:39:40,501 --> 00:39:42,626
YOUNG DAGAN: (screaming)
Mum! Mum! Mum!
823
00:39:42,667 --> 00:39:44,584
(screaming)
824
00:39:45,667 --> 00:39:46,667
No!
825
00:39:46,751 --> 00:39:51,667
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la - la-la-la
826
00:39:53,501 --> 00:39:54,917
(spade snaps)
827
00:39:55,876 --> 00:39:57,209
What's the racket?
828
00:39:59,167 --> 00:40:03,501
What shit spader breaks their
own shit spade?
829
00:40:03,542 --> 00:40:05,459
Leathermaker, we will redouble
our efforts.
830
00:40:05,501 --> 00:40:07,167
You'll redouble your efforts to fuck off.
831
00:40:07,209 --> 00:40:09,376
- SHULMAY: Kind leathermaker.
- Fuck off!
832
00:40:09,626 --> 00:40:10,751
Brilliant.
833
00:40:11,751 --> 00:40:13,542
How we gonna earn coin now?
834
00:40:13,917 --> 00:40:15,959
DAGAN: My only talent is being a queen.
835
00:40:16,751 --> 00:40:20,667
SHULMAY: Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls.
836
00:40:20,876 --> 00:40:23,334
Since the death of Ur-Nammu the Great,
837
00:40:23,417 --> 00:40:27,876
you have been oppressed by his
horrendous daughter,
838
00:40:28,042 --> 00:40:31,917
the selfish, arrogant, stuck-up
little child queen,
839
00:40:31,959 --> 00:40:33,876
despised by all.
840
00:40:33,959 --> 00:40:37,084
Now is the time for sweet revenge
841
00:40:37,126 --> 00:40:39,876
I present to you Queen Dagan
842
00:40:40,001 --> 00:40:43,292
(booing) DAGAN: You low, low wretches,
843
00:40:43,334 --> 00:40:45,959
you poo gobbling serfs,
844
00:40:46,042 --> 00:40:48,084
puss-encrusted bell-ends
(public laughing)
845
00:40:48,126 --> 00:40:50,542
Who dares to defame your queen?
846
00:40:50,584 --> 00:40:52,542
SHULMAY: Pelt the Queen with rocks.
847
00:40:52,626 --> 00:40:54,542
One for a farthing, six for a penny.
848
00:40:54,626 --> 00:40:56,084
What great value.
849
00:40:56,251 --> 00:40:58,251
Here is a farthing
850
00:40:59,626 --> 00:41:01,334
(rock hits the target) (cheering)
851
00:41:01,376 --> 00:41:02,917
DAGAN: Who threw that?
852
00:41:03,001 --> 00:41:06,001
Suck my fat scorn, you maggoty churl
853
00:41:06,042 --> 00:41:09,292
I'll open your head and stab
you in the fucking mind
854
00:41:09,751 --> 00:41:12,417
I'll hang your balls from a spike
855
00:41:12,459 --> 00:41:15,167
so, everybody can see how tiny they are
856
00:41:15,209 --> 00:41:18,876
(laughing) Very, very, very tiny balls.
857
00:41:19,084 --> 00:41:20,084
It's Bobik
858
00:41:20,167 --> 00:41:22,626
I heard her speak once and she
sounded just like that.
859
00:41:22,667 --> 00:41:24,167
Do her some damage.
860
00:41:24,209 --> 00:41:26,459
Six for a penny (cheers)
861
00:41:26,501 --> 00:41:27,834
(coins jangling)
862
00:41:28,334 --> 00:41:30,834
(rock hits the target) (cheering)
863
00:41:30,876 --> 00:41:32,209
(coins jangling) (rocks pelting)
864
00:41:32,251 --> 00:41:35,334
DAGAN: Is that all you've got,
you cock-sucking witches?
865
00:41:35,417 --> 00:41:36,251
(target smashes) (cheering)
866
00:41:36,292 --> 00:41:37,626
(cheering)
867
00:41:38,001 --> 00:41:41,084
I was a superb puppeteer, was I not?
868
00:41:41,126 --> 00:41:42,126
Fantastic.
869
00:41:42,167 --> 00:41:44,876
- How good was I, Bobik?
- You were absolutely shit
870
00:41:48,167 --> 00:41:50,209
(laughing)
871
00:41:50,709 --> 00:41:52,042
You're doing a jest.
872
00:41:52,084 --> 00:41:53,126
That I am.
873
00:41:53,167 --> 00:41:55,417
And a great one at that - Thank you.
874
00:41:55,459 --> 00:41:57,042
Well, we've earned enough for food.
875
00:41:57,084 --> 00:41:58,126
And beer.
876
00:41:58,167 --> 00:42:00,876
And toenail paint, which I'm
not convinced that we need
877
00:42:00,917 --> 00:42:03,042
I need it, Shulmay, I just do.
878
00:42:03,126 --> 00:42:04,667
It's a queen thing, judge me not
879
00:42:04,834 --> 00:42:06,042
(clearing throat)
880
00:42:09,334 --> 00:42:11,459
SHULMAY: She likes you Smile back
881
00:42:13,292 --> 00:42:14,459
(growls)
882
00:42:15,417 --> 00:42:16,667
SHULMAY: You flirted, Bobik.
883
00:42:17,042 --> 00:42:19,376
People who don't smell get to
do that now and then.
884
00:42:19,459 --> 00:42:21,959
So, we take the Great East Road
from here,
885
00:42:22,001 --> 00:42:24,292
and then it's a few days to
Fingerstone Rock.
886
00:42:24,459 --> 00:42:26,334
Then we're out across the sea.
887
00:42:26,376 --> 00:42:28,001
We're halfway to salvation.
888
00:42:28,042 --> 00:42:31,792
And I'm still wearing this little chap.
889
00:42:33,667 --> 00:42:35,042
Boop (giggles)
890
00:42:35,084 --> 00:42:37,626
And it's safe so long as I have my friends.
891
00:42:38,917 --> 00:42:42,209
I said that exact thing only
a week ago to others.
892
00:42:42,834 --> 00:42:44,751
And then they tried to murder me.
893
00:42:45,667 --> 00:42:46,709
Urgh.
894
00:42:47,792 --> 00:42:52,292
You two haven't murdered me,
not even a tiny bit.
895
00:42:53,084 --> 00:42:54,292
We're your friends.
896
00:42:54,334 --> 00:42:56,876
Best friends, forever.
897
00:42:57,126 --> 00:42:59,334
Even though you're both
very, very common.
898
00:42:59,501 --> 00:43:00,959
And when I'm back on my throne,
899
00:43:01,001 --> 00:43:05,167
I shall rain riches and titles on you both.
900
00:43:05,417 --> 00:43:06,501
You said that before.
901
00:43:06,542 --> 00:43:08,417
Yes, but I was fibbing then I mean it now.
902
00:43:09,084 --> 00:43:10,376
To friendship
903
00:43:11,626 --> 00:43:12,917
(cheers)
904
00:43:12,959 --> 00:43:14,584
Shulmay, what's your song?
905
00:43:14,667 --> 00:43:16,626
I dunno Don't have one probably.
906
00:43:16,709 --> 00:43:18,001
Everyone's got one.
907
00:43:18,042 --> 00:43:19,334
The tooth in the bottle
908
00:43:19,376 --> 00:43:21,251
I mean, there must be a story there
909
00:43:21,334 --> 00:43:22,876
(gasps) Let me guess.
910
00:43:23,251 --> 00:43:25,376
Oh, it's the tooth of your
long-lost sweetheart.
911
00:43:25,417 --> 00:43:27,584
And we can help you win him back.
912
00:43:27,709 --> 00:43:29,334
Bobik, that'll be our next adventure.
913
00:43:29,376 --> 00:43:31,501
- It's just a tooth (laughs)
- It's your tooth.
914
00:43:32,167 --> 00:43:35,084
Your mum, Queen Fritha,
gave it to Shulmay,
915
00:43:35,251 --> 00:43:37,626
and Shulmay made a promise to
look after you,
916
00:43:37,667 --> 00:43:39,542
'cau 'cause your mum saved Shulmay
917
00:43:42,209 --> 00:43:43,459
(laughs nervously)
918
00:43:43,709 --> 00:43:45,417
Beer beer made me say it.
919
00:43:46,209 --> 00:43:47,584
Is that true, Shulmay?
920
00:43:47,626 --> 00:43:48,876
(upbeat flute music)
921
00:43:49,709 --> 00:43:51,126
You're not loyal to me.
922
00:43:51,417 --> 00:43:52,751
You're not my friend.
923
00:43:53,501 --> 00:43:55,001
You're just a friend of my mother's.
924
00:43:55,042 --> 00:43:57,667
- She was a good woman, Dagan.
- She locked herself in a tower.
925
00:43:58,334 --> 00:43:59,917
She refused to see me.
926
00:44:00,376 --> 00:44:03,167
- I was abandoned, forsaken.
- No, because.
927
00:44:03,209 --> 00:44:04,917
Speak no more of that woman!
928
00:44:04,959 --> 00:44:06,376
(pub falls silent)
929
00:44:06,542 --> 00:44:07,542
(Bobik clears his throat)
930
00:44:07,584 --> 00:44:10,792
Okay, we're getting attention
We need to leave, quietly.
931
00:44:12,167 --> 00:44:13,251
Don't look
932
00:44:14,542 --> 00:44:15,977
(treacherous music) DAGAN: Leofwine.
933
00:44:16,001 --> 00:44:18,209
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
934
00:44:18,251 --> 00:44:20,084
She doesn't know you Distract her.
935
00:44:21,209 --> 00:44:22,209
How?
936
00:44:22,542 --> 00:44:24,709
LEOFWINE: You're not even looking properly
Look at it.
937
00:44:25,417 --> 00:44:28,917
Oh God, your breath is like
a badger's arse.
938
00:44:28,959 --> 00:44:29,959
Hello.
939
00:44:31,917 --> 00:44:32,917
Madame.
940
00:44:34,126 --> 00:44:38,542
You are a super fine lady.
941
00:44:39,584 --> 00:44:42,376
And this is me telling you that
942
00:44:42,917 --> 00:44:44,584
(beer pouring on floor)
943
00:44:45,167 --> 00:44:47,376
That was beer, it wasn't
a sudden gush of piss.
944
00:44:51,959 --> 00:44:55,709
This is an interaction of some
kind, but what exactly?
945
00:44:56,001 --> 00:44:57,584
It's my new thing.
946
00:44:57,876 --> 00:44:59,251
It's called flirting.
947
00:45:00,209 --> 00:45:01,542
Is it going well?
948
00:45:01,751 --> 00:45:02,917
(sword swishes) Whoa.
949
00:45:03,459 --> 00:45:06,167
- Can it stop?
- Oh, yeah.
950
00:45:07,167 --> 00:45:08,959
Oh, sorry, sorry.
951
00:45:15,209 --> 00:45:16,209
You.
952
00:45:17,792 --> 00:45:19,126
Have you seen this woman?
953
00:45:19,834 --> 00:45:23,584
Is there a way east which isn't
the Great East Road?
954
00:45:23,626 --> 00:45:25,792
A way that's, er, much quicker,
955
00:45:25,876 --> 00:45:29,376
but at the same time isn't used
by anyone at all?
956
00:45:29,542 --> 00:45:31,417
There is such a way.
957
00:45:32,126 --> 00:45:35,126
There's a certain forest (eerie sounds)
958
00:45:36,501 --> 00:45:38,542
You don't wanna go through there.
959
00:45:38,709 --> 00:45:40,709
SHULMAY: We've heard about this
certain forest.
960
00:45:40,959 --> 00:45:43,251
- What's so bad about it?
- The Man-Wolf (bang)
961
00:45:43,626 --> 00:45:47,834
Ur-Nammu the Great loved his wolves,
962
00:45:48,084 --> 00:45:50,209
more than his own daughter even.
963
00:45:50,667 --> 00:45:56,042
Story goes he tried to make
a Man-Wolf companion
964
00:45:56,084 --> 00:45:58,751
by unnatural means.
965
00:45:58,792 --> 00:46:00,959
First, a fella was kidnapped,
966
00:46:01,001 --> 00:46:04,209
then Ur-Nammu transformed
this poor man
967
00:46:04,376 --> 00:46:06,042
with hexes and the like.
968
00:46:06,084 --> 00:46:07,959
DAGAN: And I'm guessing that
went badly.
969
00:46:08,042 --> 00:46:09,268
Or are you going to surprise me
970
00:46:09,292 --> 00:46:11,042
- and say it went really well?
- No!
971
00:46:11,251 --> 00:46:13,209
It was a monster
972
00:46:14,917 --> 00:46:16,209
(curious music)
973
00:46:16,251 --> 00:46:19,167
And it dwells in those woods still,
974
00:46:19,834 --> 00:46:23,542
feasting on the fools who take
the forest path.
975
00:46:23,584 --> 00:46:26,792
Them what don't believe
the beast is real!
976
00:46:26,834 --> 00:46:28,560
(people shouting excitedly)
MAN: Humble Joan.
977
00:46:28,584 --> 00:46:29,876
Humble Joan's here!
978
00:46:31,501 --> 00:46:33,959
Oh shite, not her as well.
979
00:46:34,001 --> 00:46:35,167
MAN: Humble Joan is here!
980
00:46:36,167 --> 00:46:37,376
WOMAN: It's Humble Joan!
981
00:46:37,417 --> 00:46:38,959
(chanting) Humble Joan, Humble Joan,
982
00:46:39,001 --> 00:46:42,125
Humble Joan, Humble Joan,
983
00:46:42,209 --> 00:46:44,459
Humble Joan, Humble Joan,
Humble Joan
984
00:46:53,834 --> 00:46:55,001
(crowd falls silent)
985
00:46:55,334 --> 00:46:56,917
Good citizens
986
00:46:57,667 --> 00:46:59,917
five days now since Dagan fell,
987
00:46:59,959 --> 00:47:02,667
and with her the crooked laws,
988
00:47:02,709 --> 00:47:06,042
which stole the wealth of this
land from you, the people
989
00:47:06,084 --> 00:47:08,334
(cheering)
990
00:47:09,751 --> 00:47:11,626
And yet Dagan lives.
991
00:47:12,292 --> 00:47:13,584
She stalks our fields.
992
00:47:13,626 --> 00:47:14,876
No! JOAN: Our lanes.
993
00:47:14,917 --> 00:47:16,251
CROWD: No!
994
00:47:16,376 --> 00:47:18,667
I have heard she lurks here, in the east,
995
00:47:19,001 --> 00:47:21,001
and hopes to win her throne again.
996
00:47:21,042 --> 00:47:22,459
CROWD: Never!
997
00:47:22,751 --> 00:47:24,459
JOAN: To pillage and to murder.
998
00:47:24,709 --> 00:47:28,167
And I've heard she's done poos
in your wells
999
00:47:28,209 --> 00:47:30,042
(crowd cries)
1000
00:47:31,167 --> 00:47:32,667
DAGAN: She doesn't do that
1001
00:47:32,917 --> 00:47:35,001
300 silver marks,
1002
00:47:36,042 --> 00:47:37,667
a lifetime's pay,
1003
00:47:38,667 --> 00:47:42,459
all for the one who brings me
Dagan, alive or dead
1004
00:47:42,792 --> 00:47:44,084
(cheers)
1005
00:47:44,126 --> 00:47:46,292
The people are the heroes now
1006
00:47:46,459 --> 00:47:48,126
(loud cheering)
1007
00:47:49,751 --> 00:47:51,834
MAN: Put her head on a spike.
1008
00:47:54,667 --> 00:47:56,501
SHULMAY: Quick, Dagan, this way
1009
00:47:56,542 --> 00:47:57,959
(people shouting murderously)
1010
00:47:58,001 --> 00:47:59,584
(drum beating)
1011
00:48:15,792 --> 00:48:17,292
She's here.
1012
00:48:18,542 --> 00:48:21,209
The little piggy princess.
1013
00:48:21,251 --> 00:48:22,417
Bobik!
1014
00:48:24,001 --> 00:48:25,126
- Bobik!
- Yeah?
1015
00:48:27,417 --> 00:48:29,417
- Is that woman gone?
- Yes, come on!
1016
00:48:29,459 --> 00:48:31,626
Scary But lovely hair
1017
00:48:32,251 --> 00:48:33,751
(wolf howling)
1018
00:48:33,792 --> 00:48:36,834
So, they took the path where
nobody goes,
1019
00:48:37,001 --> 00:48:39,459
(eerie music) into a certain forest.
1020
00:48:40,626 --> 00:48:42,167
SHULMAY Man-Wolf (laughs)
1021
00:48:42,209 --> 00:48:44,251
No No, such thing.
1022
00:48:44,917 --> 00:48:46,417
Absolutely not, no.
1023
00:48:47,417 --> 00:48:48,501
No way.
1024
00:48:48,667 --> 00:48:50,417
Stay on the path (laughs nervously)
1025
00:48:50,459 --> 00:48:51,792
Never leave the path.
1026
00:48:51,959 --> 00:48:55,417
Bobik, tell this woman she has
us utterly lost.
1027
00:48:55,459 --> 00:48:57,001
You still not talking to her?
1028
00:48:57,126 --> 00:49:00,251
Well, I'll travel with her if I must.
1029
00:49:00,292 --> 00:49:02,959
But it's my mother she loves.
1030
00:49:03,001 --> 00:49:06,334
So, all former relations are severed
1031
00:49:06,376 --> 00:49:08,042
I liked it when we were in the pub.
1032
00:49:08,334 --> 00:49:09,042
There was beer.
1033
00:49:09,084 --> 00:49:11,876
If it cheers you up, Bobik, you
can have an extra county
1034
00:49:11,917 --> 00:49:13,417
on your earldom - Whoa.
1035
00:49:13,459 --> 00:49:15,667
Hey, will there be ale in this county?
1036
00:49:15,834 --> 00:49:17,084
All the ale you can guzzle.
1037
00:49:17,126 --> 00:49:18,459
What, and pies?
1038
00:49:18,501 --> 00:49:20,584
Pies too - What kind of pies?
1039
00:49:21,126 --> 00:49:23,251
All the pies you can imagine - Wow!
1040
00:49:23,292 --> 00:49:25,417
Well, hey, I can imagine a great many
1041
00:49:25,459 --> 00:49:26,542
different kinds of pies
1042
00:49:26,584 --> 00:49:28,560
I'm sure you can, but there's
no need to list them.
1043
00:49:28,584 --> 00:49:30,042
You've got apple pie, mutton pie.
1044
00:49:30,084 --> 00:49:32,126
- Here we go.
- Elderberry pie, venison pie.
1045
00:49:32,167 --> 00:49:33,251
Yeah - Rabbit pie.
1046
00:49:33,292 --> 00:49:34,917
Rabbit pie's a nice pie - Mm-hmm.
1047
00:49:34,959 --> 00:49:36,876
But then, of course, you have
all the fish pies.
1048
00:49:37,126 --> 00:49:39,626
Imagine for a moment any fish
in the river,
1049
00:49:39,876 --> 00:49:41,709
and then just say the word 'pie' after it.
1050
00:49:41,834 --> 00:49:44,001
Got it - Go on, have a go Give me one.
1051
00:49:44,876 --> 00:49:46,084
Trout - Trout pie, yes.
1052
00:49:46,126 --> 00:49:47,876
Salmon pie Now, eel pie is very
1053
00:49:47,917 --> 00:49:49,292
(banging sound) What's that?
1054
00:49:49,376 --> 00:49:51,001
(eerie music) (wolf hows)
1055
00:49:51,042 --> 00:49:52,126
(Bobik shudders)
1056
00:49:54,292 --> 00:49:56,751
Are we standing in the lair of
the deadly Man-Wolf?
1057
00:49:59,251 --> 00:50:01,167
I command you not to panic
But yes, yes, we are.
1058
00:50:01,209 --> 00:50:02,393
(Bobik cries) (stabbing sound)
1059
00:50:02,417 --> 00:50:04,334
(Dagan gasps)
Hey, please don't leave me!
1060
00:50:05,917 --> 00:50:09,126
Circle of safety, circle of
safety, circle of safety,
1061
00:50:09,251 --> 00:50:10,542
- circle of safety!
- Oh, God!
1062
00:50:10,667 --> 00:50:12,001
Oh, Gods, whatever!
1063
00:50:15,209 --> 00:50:16,376
LEATHERSMITH: Halt (screams)
1064
00:50:16,417 --> 00:50:17,459
(tense music)
1065
00:50:17,501 --> 00:50:19,126
You were no shit spader.
1066
00:50:19,667 --> 00:50:20,834
That I could tell.
1067
00:50:21,501 --> 00:50:24,417
Then I saw that panting,
you with the crown.
1068
00:50:24,459 --> 00:50:26,626
No, no, I'm Hilda
1069
00:50:27,001 --> 00:50:29,084
I I'm a travelling merchant.
1070
00:50:29,334 --> 00:50:30,459
Let's walk
1071
00:50:31,251 --> 00:50:32,876
300 silver marks will buy me all the
1072
00:50:32,917 --> 00:50:34,251
(stabbing sound)
1073
00:50:34,751 --> 00:50:36,459
(groans, thud)
1074
00:50:36,626 --> 00:50:37,626
Huh?
1075
00:50:37,667 --> 00:50:39,792
Saw him creep off with his long sword,
1076
00:50:39,834 --> 00:50:41,084
like he knew something.
1077
00:50:41,792 --> 00:50:43,584
And he led me all the way to you.
1078
00:50:44,584 --> 00:50:46,001
Your Majesty
1079
00:50:46,292 --> 00:50:48,542
(whispers) Gods and ancestors,
assist me now.
1080
00:50:48,584 --> 00:50:49,917
MAN: Don't waste your breathe.
1081
00:50:50,084 --> 00:50:52,542
My 300 silver marks will
(stabbing sound)
1082
00:50:52,584 --> 00:50:53,792
(groans)
1083
00:51:00,126 --> 00:51:01,751
(thud) Oh, my
1084
00:51:02,084 --> 00:51:02,751
(pulling axe out)
1085
00:51:02,792 --> 00:51:07,751
Couldn't let him be the one to
catch the great Queen Dagan.
1086
00:51:07,834 --> 00:51:10,917
And now, 300 silver (stabbing sound)
1087
00:51:12,334 --> 00:51:14,834
(groans)
1088
00:51:15,876 --> 00:51:17,459
(thuds) Ludicrous!
1089
00:51:17,501 --> 00:51:19,459
That leathermaker tried to send us north.
1090
00:51:20,042 --> 00:51:21,584
But we figured out his game.
1091
00:51:22,126 --> 00:51:24,459
And those 300 silver marks
(stabbing sound)
1092
00:51:24,501 --> 00:51:25,959
(choking)
1093
00:51:27,209 --> 00:51:28,376
(Dagan squeals) (thuds)
1094
00:51:28,417 --> 00:51:29,792
(pulling sword out)
1095
00:51:30,667 --> 00:51:32,459
Shall be mi - Argh!
1096
00:51:32,501 --> 00:51:34,167
(stabbing sound) (choking)
1097
00:51:34,209 --> 00:51:35,376
(pulling sword out) (thuds)
1098
00:51:35,417 --> 00:51:36,584
No, you don't.
1099
00:51:36,959 --> 00:51:41,334
You are a difficult person
to track down and behead
1100
00:51:41,376 --> 00:51:42,751
(treacherous music)
1101
00:51:44,126 --> 00:51:45,352
If you want to talk your way out of this,
1102
00:51:45,376 --> 00:51:46,542
now's your chance.
1103
00:51:48,167 --> 00:51:49,251
Leofwine.
1104
00:51:50,459 --> 00:51:53,751
I mean, we go way back, and I thought
1105
00:51:53,792 --> 00:51:55,834
Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee.
1106
00:51:58,667 --> 00:51:59,667
Carry on
1107
00:52:01,459 --> 00:52:02,542
(treacherous music)
1108
00:52:02,584 --> 00:52:04,251
You know, maybe we could just.
1109
00:52:04,292 --> 00:52:08,334
Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee (scoffs)
1110
00:52:08,584 --> 00:52:11,542
Dear sweet, stupid,
1111
00:52:11,751 --> 00:52:15,626
stupid, stupid.
1112
00:52:16,042 --> 00:52:18,084
- Dagan!
- You won't escape this.
1113
00:52:18,167 --> 00:52:19,709
The mighty Bobik.
1114
00:52:19,834 --> 00:52:22,459
He'll be here any moment.
1115
00:52:22,501 --> 00:52:24,751
Circle of safety, circle of safety
1116
00:52:24,792 --> 00:52:26,292
(owl hoots in the silence)
1117
00:52:28,501 --> 00:52:30,292
Nobody's coming for you (wimpers)
1118
00:52:30,334 --> 00:52:31,542
Leofwine, listen!
1119
00:52:31,584 --> 00:52:34,917
Humble Joan, she'll just cast
you aside as soon as she can.
1120
00:52:35,334 --> 00:52:36,459
She can't.
1121
00:52:38,876 --> 00:52:40,917
You don't think Joan's in charge, do you?
1122
00:52:41,084 --> 00:52:43,376
People like you and her,
you don't actually govern.
1123
00:52:43,417 --> 00:52:45,167
People like me do that.
1124
00:52:45,751 --> 00:52:47,542
I gather taxes,
1125
00:52:47,792 --> 00:52:49,292
I pay the druids,
1126
00:52:49,417 --> 00:52:50,959
I burn the druids,
1127
00:52:51,001 --> 00:52:53,251
I hire cheaper, new druids
1128
00:52:53,334 --> 00:52:56,376
I run the show, and I always did
1129
00:52:57,042 --> 00:52:58,792
(dramatic music)
1130
00:52:59,501 --> 00:53:01,584
Urgh! (Stabbing sound)
1131
00:53:04,042 --> 00:53:05,209
You.
1132
00:53:10,042 --> 00:53:11,334
Oh
1133
00:53:15,334 --> 00:53:16,626
(thuds)
1134
00:53:26,584 --> 00:53:30,459
She's dead - I so many plans
1135
00:53:32,626 --> 00:53:35,501
(gurgling) All dust now
1136
00:53:35,626 --> 00:53:36,626
(chokes)
1137
00:53:37,084 --> 00:53:39,959
Dust now
1138
00:53:43,292 --> 00:53:44,376
(sighs)
1139
00:53:45,209 --> 00:53:46,959
She's dead - No!
1140
00:53:47,459 --> 00:53:53,167
I'm alive, Dagan, I'm still alive.
1141
00:53:55,792 --> 00:53:57,709
Now (coughing)
1142
00:54:00,459 --> 00:54:01,959
DAGAN: Oh, for God's sake
1143
00:54:02,126 --> 00:54:03,792
(dramatic music)
1144
00:54:09,126 --> 00:54:11,042
(women sighing)
1145
00:54:12,376 --> 00:54:14,667
I've actually literally wet my breeches.
1146
00:54:16,501 --> 00:54:18,417
The queen has moistened herself.
1147
00:54:20,459 --> 00:54:22,126
At least that man-wolf never showed up
1148
00:54:22,167 --> 00:54:24,626
(wolf-man growls) (women screaming)
1149
00:54:24,751 --> 00:54:25,876
Shulmay!
1150
00:54:27,459 --> 00:54:29,667
I'm coming, Shulmay! (Wolf-man snarls)
1151
00:54:29,709 --> 00:54:32,459
Get your hands off my friend!
1152
00:54:32,501 --> 00:54:36,001
(smashing, slashing, tearing)
1153
00:54:39,292 --> 00:54:40,667
Urgh!
1154
00:54:40,792 --> 00:54:42,959
(wolf-man gurgles, laughs) (babbles)
1155
00:54:52,626 --> 00:54:54,042
It broke.
1156
00:55:03,459 --> 00:55:05,209
I can return to my family.
1157
00:55:06,376 --> 00:55:08,709
Thank you for setting me free.
1158
00:55:14,584 --> 00:55:16,126
Hey, you alright, Clive?
1159
00:55:17,209 --> 00:55:18,626
I ain't seen you in years.
1160
00:55:20,001 --> 00:55:21,084
You're looking well.
1161
00:55:22,376 --> 00:55:24,834
Shulmay, are you hurt?
1162
00:55:25,084 --> 00:55:26,417
You came to save me.
1163
00:55:26,584 --> 00:55:29,001
You took off your crown
for a lowly wretch like me.
1164
00:55:29,042 --> 00:55:30,959
Oh, but what a wretch.
1165
00:55:31,626 --> 00:55:33,709
What a wretch
1166
00:55:33,876 --> 00:55:36,126
(laughs) (upbeat music)
1167
00:55:36,334 --> 00:55:37,376
(high tempo music)
1168
00:55:37,417 --> 00:55:39,352
With that huge bounty on your
head, we won't get far,
1169
00:55:39,376 --> 00:55:41,584
but Leofwine's a close enough
match for you.
1170
00:55:41,626 --> 00:55:43,167
We still have your scarlet robes.
1171
00:55:43,209 --> 00:55:45,751
If she's found in them,
the hunt for the Queen ends.
1172
00:55:46,001 --> 00:55:47,834
But we have different faces.
1173
00:55:47,876 --> 00:55:49,917
Yes, but this is craggy country.
1174
00:55:50,042 --> 00:55:52,834
We'll find a cliff and drop her
off a decent height.
1175
00:55:54,376 --> 00:55:55,542
I get it.
1176
00:55:55,709 --> 00:55:58,667
If Leofwine's head lands
on a hard surface,
1177
00:55:58,709 --> 00:56:01,042
then her face will be all blown inside out
1178
00:56:01,084 --> 00:56:03,751
and splintered, crushed (gagging)
1179
00:56:04,542 --> 00:56:07,584
SHULMAY: See? Put her in the
gown, she's almost you.
1180
00:56:07,917 --> 00:56:09,334
Just the face to think about.
1181
00:56:11,167 --> 00:56:11,792
Hmm.
1182
00:56:11,834 --> 00:56:14,209
This here drop should do the job on that
1183
00:56:14,792 --> 00:56:16,584
(grunting) Okay.
1184
00:56:17,959 --> 00:56:19,834
But she has to land correctly.
1185
00:56:19,917 --> 00:56:22,542
So, we we've gotta drop her
this way, then.
1186
00:56:22,876 --> 00:56:24,542
No, like this.
1187
00:56:25,417 --> 00:56:27,792
Legs first, 'cause she'll flip as she falls.
1188
00:56:27,834 --> 00:56:30,042
No, sideways, with a touch of spin.
1189
00:56:30,084 --> 00:56:32,667
- No, headfirst.
- You haven't done this before.
1190
00:56:32,709 --> 00:56:34,042
Neither have you.
1191
00:56:34,501 --> 00:56:36,792
Alright, sideways with a touch of spin.
1192
00:56:37,542 --> 00:56:38,584
Okay.
1193
00:56:39,042 --> 00:56:40,084
- You got her?
- Yeah.
1194
00:56:40,126 --> 00:56:41,126
Ready?
1195
00:56:41,334 --> 00:56:45,126
One, two, three
1196
00:56:46,167 --> 00:56:47,459
(gown flapping)
1197
00:56:47,501 --> 00:56:48,917
(loud thump)
1198
00:56:50,292 --> 00:56:51,584
Hmm.
1199
00:56:52,917 --> 00:56:54,917
Do we have to go down
and fetch her up?
1200
00:56:54,959 --> 00:56:56,626
Yes Yes, we do
1201
00:56:56,667 --> 00:56:58,542
(upbeat flute music)
1202
00:57:00,751 --> 00:57:01,959
(grunting)
1203
00:57:02,834 --> 00:57:05,126
Okay, headfirst.
1204
00:57:05,834 --> 00:57:09,167
One, two, three
1205
00:57:09,209 --> 00:57:10,542
(gown flapping)
1206
00:57:10,876 --> 00:57:12,084
(loud thump)
1207
00:57:12,126 --> 00:57:13,126
What?!
1208
00:57:14,292 --> 00:57:16,251
She flipped as she fell, I did say.
1209
00:57:16,459 --> 00:57:19,042
- He did say.
- No, there was a sudden gust.
1210
00:57:19,917 --> 00:57:21,126
Yeah, one more time.
1211
00:57:21,167 --> 00:57:22,376
Alright.
1212
00:57:25,251 --> 00:57:27,001
Urgh, how are we gonna pick her up?
1213
00:57:27,042 --> 00:57:29,209
BOBIK: She's very slightly damaged
1214
00:57:29,917 --> 00:57:31,417
(gagging)
1215
00:57:32,917 --> 00:57:34,277
I think I've worked something out.
1216
00:57:34,876 --> 00:57:37,417
Dagan often talks about nailing
her foes to trees
1217
00:57:37,459 --> 00:57:40,876
and opening up their guts
and other such japes.
1218
00:57:41,334 --> 00:57:43,417
When this kind of stuff happens
in front of her.
1219
00:57:43,459 --> 00:57:45,376
- She doesn't much like it.
- No, she does not.
1220
00:57:45,417 --> 00:57:46,542
Lies!
1221
00:57:46,917 --> 00:57:48,459
I am hard as horn.
1222
00:57:49,584 --> 00:57:52,459
In my youth, my father made me
watch such things
1223
00:57:52,501 --> 00:57:53,501
(treacherous music)
1224
00:57:54,292 --> 00:57:57,001
MAN:No! No, no, no, please,
Your Majesty!
1225
00:57:57,042 --> 00:57:58,876
No, no, no! I beg you!
1226
00:57:59,584 --> 00:58:00,834
Please, no!
1227
00:58:02,126 --> 00:58:03,876
No! (Sizzling) No!
1228
00:58:03,917 --> 00:58:04,667
No!
1229
00:58:04,709 --> 00:58:06,209
Alright.
1230
00:58:06,834 --> 00:58:08,042
I hated it
1231
00:58:08,251 --> 00:58:10,792
I hated every horrid moment of it!
1232
00:58:11,542 --> 00:58:12,959
Are you satisfied?
1233
00:58:14,042 --> 00:58:16,084
And my mother did nothing
1234
00:58:17,626 --> 00:58:21,376
(door clangs shut)
YOUNG DAGAN: Mum! No! No!
1235
00:58:21,417 --> 00:58:23,209
Why won't you see me?
1236
00:58:23,917 --> 00:58:26,751
Shulmay, I feel we've opened the wax lid
1237
00:58:26,792 --> 00:58:28,917
atop a clay vessel of worms.
1238
00:58:35,126 --> 00:58:36,310
Your father thought your mother's love
1239
00:58:36,334 --> 00:58:37,709
would make you soft,
1240
00:58:38,834 --> 00:58:40,542
so, he locked her away in a tower,
1241
00:58:41,251 --> 00:58:42,792
and anyone who spoke of her again
1242
00:58:42,834 --> 00:58:44,584
would be pressed through a cattle grid.
1243
00:58:45,084 --> 00:58:46,667
She never abandoned you, Dagan.
1244
00:58:49,667 --> 00:58:51,959
My mother Io loved me?
1245
00:58:52,459 --> 00:58:53,584
Always.
1246
00:58:54,917 --> 00:58:56,167
Why did nobody tell me?
1247
00:58:56,667 --> 00:58:57,959
(whispers) The cattle grid.
1248
00:58:58,126 --> 00:58:59,459
Oh.
1249
00:59:00,334 --> 00:59:02,876
Your father was a bad man.
1250
00:59:04,042 --> 00:59:06,292
And not worthy of your admiration.
1251
00:59:07,167 --> 00:59:10,042
But that is just the opinion of Bobik
1252
00:59:11,334 --> 00:59:12,834
I've been so wrong
1253
00:59:13,542 --> 00:59:14,917
(soft music)
1254
00:59:15,417 --> 00:59:17,001
Shall we have a third go then, or what?
1255
00:59:17,251 --> 00:59:18,376
I reckon we've got this.
1256
00:59:20,792 --> 00:59:23,376
Just let me do one thing
1257
00:59:25,292 --> 00:59:26,501
(grunting)
1258
00:59:27,709 --> 00:59:29,251
Okay, feet first.
1259
00:59:29,834 --> 00:59:30,876
You ready?
1260
00:59:31,667 --> 00:59:35,626
One, two, three.
1261
00:59:38,501 --> 00:59:39,751
With the flip
1262
00:59:39,876 --> 00:59:41,376
(thuds) Hmm.
1263
00:59:42,167 --> 00:59:43,959
Yay! (Clapping)
1264
00:59:45,834 --> 00:59:46,959
Huh.
1265
00:59:50,209 --> 00:59:51,792
I'll see you again soon.
1266
00:59:52,459 --> 00:59:53,709
Promise
1267
00:59:54,209 --> 00:59:55,209
(kisses crown)
1268
00:59:58,084 --> 01:00:00,001
Someone will find the body soon enough.
1269
01:00:00,084 --> 01:00:01,126
This is what they want.
1270
01:00:01,167 --> 01:00:02,459
Why are you still here?
1271
01:00:02,501 --> 01:00:03,751
This is what they said.
1272
01:00:03,792 --> 01:00:05,042
This is what you get.
1273
01:00:05,084 --> 01:00:10,251
This is you feeling
the same as you used to
1274
01:00:10,292 --> 01:00:11,667
(soldier gags)
1275
01:00:15,917 --> 01:00:17,667
Pay them the bounty.
1276
01:00:21,417 --> 01:00:23,251
Is Leofwine back from the forest yet?
1277
01:00:27,001 --> 01:00:28,209
(sheet swishes)
1278
01:00:32,126 --> 01:00:33,292
(laughs)
1279
01:00:34,792 --> 01:00:35,792
Hmm
1280
01:00:38,501 --> 01:00:39,501
(fire crackles)
1281
01:00:44,709 --> 01:00:46,126
She's tougher than I thought.
1282
01:00:46,584 --> 01:00:48,209
I worried she wouldn't make it this far.
1283
01:00:48,542 --> 01:00:51,251
BOBIK: It's, what, a three-day
walk to Fingerstone Rock?
1284
01:00:51,792 --> 01:00:53,876
To meet Ivarr and Guthrum.
1285
01:00:55,459 --> 01:00:56,542
Bobik.
1286
01:00:56,709 --> 01:00:58,417
- Yeah?
- The thing is.
1287
01:01:02,751 --> 01:01:04,417
Yeah, we'll do that.
1288
01:01:05,542 --> 01:01:06,792
We'll do all of that
1289
01:01:09,001 --> 01:01:10,334
(dramatic music)
1290
01:01:11,876 --> 01:01:17,459
And after a day's work at the
new c-c-collective bakery,
1291
01:01:17,501 --> 01:01:21,792
I kept a few sweepings of flour
for me and my family.
1292
01:01:21,834 --> 01:01:23,626
Oh dear - And I'm very sorry.
1293
01:01:23,667 --> 01:01:24,792
It won't happen again.
1294
01:01:25,042 --> 01:01:27,126
But I haven't had any wages
since Freedom Day,
1295
01:01:27,167 --> 01:01:29,209
and the guards say there's no
coin to pay us with,
1296
01:01:29,251 --> 01:01:31,167
and, and the kids, (laughs nervously)
1297
01:01:31,209 --> 01:01:32,292
They're so hungry.
1298
01:01:32,334 --> 01:01:33,376
Witgar - Hmm?
1299
01:01:33,417 --> 01:01:34,751
You can go back to your family
1300
01:01:35,334 --> 01:01:36,834
(sighs) Thank you, Joan.
1301
01:01:36,876 --> 01:01:41,792
After a stay at the citadel,
in a special room,
1302
01:01:41,959 --> 01:01:43,042
deep underground
1303
01:01:43,126 --> 01:01:46,167
I I, urgh I love you!
1304
01:01:47,042 --> 01:01:48,751
This commonwealth cannot fail.
1305
01:01:48,792 --> 01:01:50,709
- WITGAR: I love you!
- Will not fail.
1306
01:01:50,917 --> 01:01:53,334
SOLDIER: Humble Joan, a message
from across the seas.
1307
01:01:53,376 --> 01:01:54,917
Hmm (treacherous music)
1308
01:02:01,334 --> 01:02:03,292
And this letter gives us
the means to do it.
1309
01:02:05,126 --> 01:02:06,292
Pack up!
1310
01:02:07,584 --> 01:02:09,001
I have somewhere to be
1311
01:02:09,667 --> 01:02:10,417
(upbeat music)
1312
01:02:10,459 --> 01:02:13,084
And so, the long journey to
the eastern shore
1313
01:02:13,126 --> 01:02:14,292
was nearly over.
1314
01:02:14,542 --> 01:02:16,376
Then, just a short trip across the sea
1315
01:02:16,417 --> 01:02:18,167
would take them to the great allies.
1316
01:02:18,584 --> 01:02:21,459
King Ivarr and King Guthrum
1317
01:02:21,501 --> 01:02:23,501
(upbeat flute music)
1318
01:02:25,834 --> 01:02:26,959
SHULMAY: There it is
1319
01:02:27,001 --> 01:02:28,709
(seagulls crying) (Dagan gasps)
1320
01:02:29,501 --> 01:02:30,501
Ah!
1321
01:02:30,876 --> 01:02:33,667
A hundred and two score miles,
and here we are.
1322
01:02:34,584 --> 01:02:36,126
Fingerstone Rock!
1323
01:02:37,167 --> 01:02:39,167
BOBIK: It is big, though, the sea.
1324
01:02:39,709 --> 01:02:41,001
They weren't lying.
1325
01:02:42,042 --> 01:02:43,917
You'd need all day to drink that lot.
1326
01:02:44,292 --> 01:02:45,751
Is it salty, though?
1327
01:02:46,459 --> 01:02:47,792
I'm gonna lick it.
1328
01:02:48,584 --> 01:02:50,459
The only sure way to test
anything is lick it.
1329
01:02:50,501 --> 01:02:51,459
Shulmay.
1330
01:02:51,501 --> 01:02:54,709
Where's our boat, Shulmay, to
take us to the lovely kings?
1331
01:02:54,876 --> 01:02:56,084
My Queen, here's the thing
1332
01:02:56,126 --> 01:02:57,459
(gasps) There's a boat!
1333
01:02:57,876 --> 01:02:59,792
(screeching) It's them! They're here!
1334
01:03:00,126 --> 01:03:01,501
What now? No.
1335
01:03:01,959 --> 01:03:03,667
- DAGAN: Ivarr!
- Dagan, wait.
1336
01:03:03,709 --> 01:03:04,709
Guthrum!
1337
01:03:04,751 --> 01:03:07,334
- I need to tell you something.
- The two warriors bold!
1338
01:03:07,376 --> 01:03:10,167
They've crossed the sea
themselves to pick me up!
1339
01:03:10,501 --> 01:03:11,501
(gasps)
1340
01:03:11,542 --> 01:03:13,459
- I'm saved!
- That's not quite it.
1341
01:03:13,501 --> 01:03:15,709
- Cooee! I'm here!
- Listen, Ivarr and Guthrum
1342
01:03:15,751 --> 01:03:16,751
are not here for you.
1343
01:03:16,792 --> 01:03:18,667
They're literally just there! (Sea roaring)
1344
01:03:18,709 --> 01:03:20,376
SHULMAY: I haven't told you everything.
1345
01:03:22,542 --> 01:03:25,001
DAGAN: Wait, where are they
going, the silly things? Huh.
1346
01:03:25,126 --> 01:03:27,667
The truth is, they did write to Leofwine,
1347
01:03:28,042 --> 01:03:30,001
asking to meet by Fingerstone Rock,
1348
01:03:30,167 --> 01:03:32,542
and pay gold for the secret
of the flame-powder
1349
01:03:34,667 --> 01:03:37,209
once Humble Joan had taken the realm.
1350
01:03:40,542 --> 01:03:42,459
You mean they bet against me?
1351
01:03:44,292 --> 01:03:45,751
I had to think fast.
1352
01:03:46,709 --> 01:03:50,251
Get the queen to safety
and tell the truth later
1353
01:03:50,292 --> 01:03:51,459
(dramatic music)
1354
01:03:51,501 --> 01:03:54,126
DAGAN: You lied to me, all this time.
1355
01:03:55,084 --> 01:03:56,834
No ships, no armies.
1356
01:03:58,876 --> 01:04:00,042
But there is safety.
1357
01:04:00,167 --> 01:04:01,834
No one lives on Fingerstone.
1358
01:04:02,626 --> 01:04:06,167
So, we can live there,
and no one will know.
1359
01:04:07,917 --> 01:04:09,584
Everyone thinks you're dead.
1360
01:04:10,001 --> 01:04:13,167
We'll eat seagulls' eggs and fish.
1361
01:04:13,251 --> 01:04:14,417
Fish pie.
1362
01:04:14,584 --> 01:04:17,001
That was kind of my plan all along.
1363
01:04:17,959 --> 01:04:19,209
We live on a rock.
1364
01:04:20,417 --> 01:04:21,417
That rock?
1365
01:04:22,626 --> 01:04:24,084
SHULMAY: That rock over there.
1366
01:04:25,334 --> 01:04:28,376
If we live on that rock,
will I still be an earl?
1367
01:04:29,501 --> 01:04:30,542
Yeah
1368
01:04:31,626 --> 01:04:34,959
Earl in a palace, or earl in a hovel?
1369
01:04:36,126 --> 01:04:37,209
Mm-hmm.
1370
01:04:38,417 --> 01:04:39,751
I'm sorry, Bobik.
1371
01:04:41,751 --> 01:04:43,876
Look, I know it's a lot to take in.
1372
01:04:43,917 --> 01:04:45,376
Urgh! (Kicking)
1373
01:04:49,459 --> 01:04:50,292
(hard slap) Oh!
1374
01:04:50,334 --> 01:04:52,334
I did all this for your mother!
1375
01:04:52,584 --> 01:04:54,167
You're a shit, Dagan!
1376
01:04:54,292 --> 01:04:57,334
A selfish, horrible shit!
1377
01:04:57,667 --> 01:05:01,042
After all I've done for you,
all Bobik's done!
1378
01:05:02,209 --> 01:05:05,209
- I killed for you!
- A bad person
1379
01:05:06,126 --> 01:05:07,709
who had it coming!
1380
01:05:09,001 --> 01:05:10,417
Real affection would be
1381
01:05:10,501 --> 01:05:12,917
would be killing someone
who didn't deserve it.
1382
01:05:13,542 --> 01:05:16,542
You sucked up my mother's love
1383
01:05:17,251 --> 01:05:18,417
for years!
1384
01:05:19,542 --> 01:05:21,334
That was my love,
1385
01:05:22,292 --> 01:05:23,751
and you robbed it!
1386
01:05:24,042 --> 01:05:26,292
And then you promised me a kingdom,
1387
01:05:26,584 --> 01:05:28,501
and then you steal that too!
1388
01:05:28,584 --> 01:05:31,042
Some of us get by without kingdoms
1389
01:05:31,084 --> 01:05:34,334
(screaming) Well, I need a kingdom!
1390
01:05:35,501 --> 01:05:38,251
I was going to be a better
queen this time!
1391
01:05:38,626 --> 01:05:43,126
(sobbing) Just a, a, a fucking
adorable queen!
1392
01:05:43,584 --> 01:05:45,001
The pain of it.
1393
01:05:45,042 --> 01:05:46,459
You don't know about pain!
1394
01:05:46,626 --> 01:05:48,584
You're a spoiled baby!
1395
01:05:48,667 --> 01:05:51,042
Do you know how hard it is
being your friend?
1396
01:05:51,126 --> 01:05:52,292
(dark music)
1397
01:05:54,876 --> 01:05:56,459
You are not my friend.
1398
01:06:00,417 --> 01:06:01,917
Eat my jellyfish! (Squelch)
1399
01:06:02,542 --> 01:06:04,751
(screams) It stings!
1400
01:06:06,251 --> 01:06:08,084
Nobody told me they sting!
1401
01:06:08,584 --> 01:06:12,376
I wish that man-wolf had
scoffed your fucking tits!
1402
01:06:13,042 --> 01:06:15,084
Right, I'm done
(necklace clinks on sand)
1403
01:06:15,167 --> 01:06:16,709
- DAGAN: Good!
- SHULMAY: Fine!
1404
01:06:17,001 --> 01:06:18,376
- Fine!
- Good!
1405
01:06:20,209 --> 01:06:22,709
(melancholic music) Leave me then!
1406
01:06:23,417 --> 01:06:24,834
Everybody does!
1407
01:06:26,876 --> 01:06:29,251
Why don't you hand me in to
Humble Joan,
1408
01:06:29,376 --> 01:06:31,209
get a nice big fat reward?
1409
01:06:32,209 --> 01:06:34,167
Yeah, maybe I should.
1410
01:06:36,751 --> 01:06:37,751
Bobik?
1411
01:06:40,001 --> 01:06:41,042
Nah.
1412
01:06:46,376 --> 01:06:52,042
Tell me how I should feel.
1413
01:06:52,459 --> 01:06:56,001
How can this love
1414
01:06:56,126 --> 01:06:58,376
run out of here?
1415
01:06:59,126 --> 01:07:05,042
When should I believe
the things you say?
1416
01:07:05,084 --> 01:07:06,001
(seagulls crying)
1417
01:07:06,042 --> 01:07:11,876
You change your mind from day to day.
1418
01:07:12,459 --> 01:07:17,251
And I don't know if you can
1419
01:07:17,292 --> 01:07:20,626
take such a good thing
1420
01:07:46,376 --> 01:07:47,459
(waves lapping)
1421
01:07:50,542 --> 01:07:52,042
IVARR: What's the snack situation?
1422
01:07:52,542 --> 01:07:54,459
GUTHRAM: I hope it's good,
I'm so hungry
1423
01:07:54,542 --> 01:07:55,792
(dramatic music)
1424
01:07:59,626 --> 01:08:00,709
(kings grunting)
1425
01:08:01,459 --> 01:08:03,209
Very good - Ja.
1426
01:08:03,417 --> 01:08:05,376
Oh, God Oh.
1427
01:08:07,376 --> 01:08:08,459
What a shit hole.
1428
01:08:08,501 --> 01:08:10,667
Ja, it stinks - Yes (laughs)
1429
01:08:11,126 --> 01:08:12,709
GUTHRAM: We shall drive
a hard bargain.
1430
01:08:12,792 --> 01:08:15,209
Ja, what other bargain would we
wanna drive, man?
1431
01:08:15,542 --> 01:08:17,334
I mean, it's us, yeah?
1432
01:08:17,751 --> 01:08:19,917
We're hardcore, all the time
1433
01:08:20,084 --> 01:08:21,084
I am.
1434
01:08:21,126 --> 01:08:23,251
You? I've heard otherwise.
1435
01:08:23,376 --> 01:08:24,417
You mock me
1436
01:08:24,751 --> 01:08:27,626
I'll spill your sorry guts on
the sand right here.
1437
01:08:27,876 --> 01:08:29,042
- You wanna go?
- Right here.
1438
01:08:29,084 --> 01:08:30,001
- You wanna go?
- On the sand.
1439
01:08:30,042 --> 01:08:31,560
- You wanna get crazy?
- You want a piece of it?
1440
01:08:31,584 --> 01:08:33,667
You wanna get crazy?
I'm gonna fuck you up.
1441
01:08:33,751 --> 01:08:34,751
Ja, you want?
1442
01:08:34,792 --> 01:08:37,167
Come on, let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go, let's go
1443
01:08:37,209 --> 01:08:38,501
(men squabbling)
1444
01:08:40,876 --> 01:08:42,042
(laughs)
1445
01:08:42,084 --> 01:08:43,834
She thinks we may fight now
1446
01:08:43,959 --> 01:08:46,001
(laughs) She does not know that
we are good friends,
1447
01:08:46,042 --> 01:08:48,417
whose mannish banter is unmatched.
1448
01:08:48,459 --> 01:08:51,334
Yeah, just a couple of kings
fucking around.
1449
01:08:52,834 --> 01:08:54,626
You're bigger than I thought you'd be.
1450
01:08:55,001 --> 01:08:56,876
But you're still pretty small.
1451
01:08:56,917 --> 01:08:58,584
King Ivarr, King Guthrum,
1452
01:08:58,876 --> 01:09:00,876
welcome to the Commonwealth
of the People.
1453
01:09:01,001 --> 01:09:02,542
Well done on the rebellion.
1454
01:09:02,959 --> 01:09:05,917
If you'd tried it in our lands,
you'd be very dead now.
1455
01:09:05,959 --> 01:09:07,459
Yeah, very dead.
1456
01:09:07,917 --> 01:09:11,251
But you did it here, so, you
know, we're cool with that.
1457
01:09:11,667 --> 01:09:12,751
Come this way.
1458
01:09:13,751 --> 01:09:14,751
IVARR: Thank you.
1459
01:09:16,042 --> 01:09:18,084
- I don't trust her.
- GUTHRAM: No Me neither.
1460
01:09:18,209 --> 01:09:19,667
She's so small
1461
01:09:19,709 --> 01:09:21,417
(high tempo music)
1462
01:09:22,542 --> 01:09:24,084
Do you think Humble Joan's around?
1463
01:09:24,167 --> 01:09:26,417
Well, Leofwine's not meeting
the kings, is she?
1464
01:09:28,834 --> 01:09:30,917
Yes, Humble Joan's here.
1465
01:09:31,126 --> 01:09:32,459
We'll give her what she wants,
1466
01:09:32,501 --> 01:09:34,126
and then she can't deny us our silver.
1467
01:09:34,251 --> 01:09:35,542
We'll be wealthy?
1468
01:09:35,834 --> 01:09:39,084
You'll never have to shovel
again, and I'll serve no one.
1469
01:09:39,959 --> 01:09:42,084
I'm sick of looking after
the upper classes, Bobik
1470
01:09:42,417 --> 01:09:43,751
I need to find my song.
1471
01:09:44,376 --> 01:09:45,376
Hey.
1472
01:09:45,917 --> 01:09:47,417
So, are we giving her Dagan?
1473
01:09:54,084 --> 01:09:56,126
Yes, we are.
1474
01:09:56,459 --> 01:09:58,667
Yeah (treacherous music)
1475
01:10:02,376 --> 01:10:04,709
So, this commonwealth malarky.
1476
01:10:05,084 --> 01:10:06,501
Does it have legs?
1477
01:10:07,001 --> 01:10:10,292
I mean, what if Dagan
gets back in, hmm?
1478
01:10:11,501 --> 01:10:13,542
(box opens, flies buzzing) Urgh.
1479
01:10:13,584 --> 01:10:15,542
These were found on
her mangled corpse.
1480
01:10:15,584 --> 01:10:17,560
- GUTHRUM: That smells bad.
- IVARR: Ja, that's hers.
1481
01:10:17,584 --> 01:10:19,834
Your Majesties will need a
moment to mourn, I'm sure.
1482
01:10:19,876 --> 01:10:20,876
Eh.
1483
01:10:21,334 --> 01:10:22,667
It's no great loss.
1484
01:10:22,709 --> 01:10:23,709
Hmm.
1485
01:10:23,834 --> 01:10:26,917
Pagan Europe will just have to
struggle on without her.
1486
01:10:27,251 --> 01:10:29,209
Let us talk the flame-powder.
1487
01:10:29,542 --> 01:10:30,626
Ja - Let's.
1488
01:10:30,751 --> 01:10:32,209
We've heard you're flat broke.
1489
01:10:32,251 --> 01:10:34,584
IVARR: I'm not I just raided Latvia
1490
01:10:34,626 --> 01:10:36,251
(laughs) Very raid able is your Latvia.
1491
01:10:36,292 --> 01:10:36,917
Ja.
1492
01:10:36,959 --> 01:10:39,959
GUTHRUM: So, this flame-powder,
does it really work?
1493
01:10:40,001 --> 01:10:43,542
IVARR: I'm thinking maybe we can
try out the flame-powder
1494
01:10:43,584 --> 01:10:44,959
on some peasants!
1495
01:10:45,001 --> 01:10:47,459
(sword swishes) No Approach, friends.
1496
01:10:47,709 --> 01:10:49,501
We don't kill commoners for fun here.
1497
01:10:49,959 --> 01:10:50,959
Really?
1498
01:10:51,501 --> 01:10:52,667
What a bore
1499
01:10:53,126 --> 01:10:55,167
(scoffs) I like slaying peasants.
1500
01:10:55,209 --> 01:10:56,376
Ja, you have the mad skills.
1501
01:10:56,417 --> 01:10:57,834
JOAN: How goes the day, travellers?
1502
01:10:57,876 --> 01:10:59,792
Humble Joan, we've come to tell
you something.
1503
01:11:01,334 --> 01:11:03,459
To tell you that Queen Dagan
1504
01:11:05,709 --> 01:11:06,792
(tense music)
1505
01:11:10,917 --> 01:11:13,792
Queen Dagan - Have we met before?
1506
01:11:17,917 --> 01:11:18,917
Speak.
1507
01:11:19,792 --> 01:11:21,417
There's nothing to fear.
1508
01:11:24,001 --> 01:11:25,209
Queen Dagan.
1509
01:11:27,417 --> 01:11:28,959
Nothing to fear indeed.
1510
01:11:29,917 --> 01:11:32,959
For Humble Joan protects us all.
1511
01:11:34,751 --> 01:11:37,126
Her steady hand guiding the great
1512
01:11:37,751 --> 01:11:39,792
plough shed of this nation.
1513
01:11:40,709 --> 01:11:45,126
Indeed, here is a woman whose
words you may trust
1514
01:11:47,167 --> 01:11:48,167
(laughs)
1515
01:11:51,542 --> 01:11:52,542
Bye-bye
1516
01:11:52,626 --> 01:11:53,626
(upbeat music)
1517
01:11:58,292 --> 01:12:00,532
Catch up with our friends
and invite them to stay awhile.
1518
01:12:01,209 --> 01:12:03,834
You, search the dunes where
they came from.
1519
01:12:04,834 --> 01:12:06,126
Something's going on here.
1520
01:12:06,459 --> 01:12:07,584
SOLDIER: Let's go
1521
01:12:07,626 --> 01:12:09,001
(tense music)
1522
01:12:09,209 --> 01:12:10,376
Make haste
1523
01:12:15,126 --> 01:12:16,667
(soldier coughing)
1524
01:12:18,501 --> 01:12:19,876
I hoped you'd come back.
1525
01:12:22,876 --> 01:12:25,126
Up you get Dagan.
1526
01:12:26,876 --> 01:12:28,626
DAGAN: Ow! Get off!
1527
01:12:28,709 --> 01:12:31,626
I am still your queen!
How ruddy dare you?!
1528
01:12:31,834 --> 01:12:33,042
Ow!
1529
01:12:36,334 --> 01:12:38,751
You know, even if you offered
help to me now,
1530
01:12:38,792 --> 01:12:40,042
I would spurn it.
1531
01:12:42,876 --> 01:12:44,459
You don't happen to offer it, do you?
1532
01:12:45,209 --> 01:12:46,667
Dagan's dead, you said.
1533
01:12:47,834 --> 01:12:51,626
Fortune has offered us a
subject for demonstration.
1534
01:12:52,584 --> 01:12:54,792
She is a queen, dress her as such
1535
01:12:54,917 --> 01:12:56,417
(tense music)
1536
01:13:01,459 --> 01:13:02,626
(box opens)
1537
01:13:02,667 --> 01:13:03,709
(dramatic music)
1538
01:13:05,959 --> 01:13:09,292
Our subject thinks much of her
dainty toes.
1539
01:13:09,376 --> 01:13:11,334
She is famous for her lovely feet.
1540
01:13:11,376 --> 01:13:14,334
Ja - We call this cord a fuse.
1541
01:13:15,501 --> 01:13:17,209
Simply light one end of it
1542
01:13:18,751 --> 01:13:20,042
(flames burst)
1543
01:13:20,542 --> 01:13:21,959
(fuse sizzles)
1544
01:13:24,459 --> 01:13:26,209
(explosion) (Dagan screams)
1545
01:13:26,542 --> 01:13:27,542
JOAN: Bang.
1546
01:13:30,626 --> 01:13:31,751
(Dagan groaning)
1547
01:13:36,501 --> 01:13:37,917
That was a little bang.
1548
01:13:39,042 --> 01:13:40,792
We came for large bangs.
1549
01:13:40,834 --> 01:13:42,209
Large bangs.
1550
01:13:42,292 --> 01:13:45,667
Large bangs, large bangs, large bangs.
1551
01:13:45,709 --> 01:13:46,917
You will have one.
1552
01:13:47,792 --> 01:13:51,209
For now, we put our powder
in a tube of iron
1553
01:13:53,292 --> 01:13:54,751
(cannon wheels squeak)
1554
01:13:56,709 --> 01:13:58,292
BOBIK: You said she knew nothing
of pain
1555
01:13:58,334 --> 01:13:59,542
I know I did.
1556
01:14:00,667 --> 01:14:02,001
I think she does now.
1557
01:14:04,584 --> 01:14:06,251
Her foot is quite badly fucked up.
1558
01:14:06,292 --> 01:14:07,376
Yeah, it really is
1559
01:14:07,459 --> 01:14:09,751
I'm going to work my way around
your body, Dagan.
1560
01:14:10,209 --> 01:14:11,876
But first, tell me.
1561
01:14:12,584 --> 01:14:14,024
Is that the pair you travelled with?
1562
01:14:16,417 --> 01:14:17,417
(gulps)
1563
01:14:18,292 --> 01:14:19,751
I don't know who they are.
1564
01:14:20,501 --> 01:14:22,001
JOAN: Well, whoever they are,
1565
01:14:22,042 --> 01:14:25,501
they're about to watch you
suffer very, very much.
1566
01:14:25,542 --> 01:14:26,542
Nice.
1567
01:14:26,584 --> 01:14:28,352
She could try to bargain with
our peasantry lives,
1568
01:14:28,376 --> 01:14:30,084
and yet she still doesn't give us away.
1569
01:14:30,251 --> 01:14:31,334
JOAN: Primed and ready.
1570
01:14:31,376 --> 01:14:33,417
Let's see what it will do to the human
1571
01:14:33,459 --> 01:14:34,626
(tense music)
1572
01:14:34,834 --> 01:14:37,167
Knee (cannons squeaks)
1573
01:14:38,334 --> 01:14:40,376
Again, we light the fuse.
1574
01:14:41,417 --> 01:14:42,417
SHULMAY: Hold.
1575
01:14:45,292 --> 01:14:48,501
We, the common people,
wish to avenge ourselves
1576
01:14:48,542 --> 01:14:50,792
on the tyrant (treacherous music)
1577
01:14:51,001 --> 01:14:52,292
Amuse us.
1578
01:14:52,709 --> 01:14:54,417
Give the peasant a go.
1579
01:14:58,376 --> 01:14:59,584
Nice and messy, please.
1580
01:14:59,667 --> 01:15:00,834
Chunks everywhere.
1581
01:15:02,292 --> 01:15:07,584
Dagan, let this show you where we stand
1582
01:15:09,126 --> 01:15:10,126
(flames burst)
1583
01:15:10,167 --> 01:15:11,542
(tense music)
1584
01:15:16,209 --> 01:15:17,459
(stick whirls through the air)
1585
01:15:17,501 --> 01:15:19,042
(flame fizzles out on the sand)
1586
01:15:20,834 --> 01:15:23,417
I think she meant to
hurl it into that chest.
1587
01:15:23,459 --> 01:15:24,876
Treachery!
1588
01:15:24,917 --> 01:15:26,834
Shulmay's a rotten throw, but I'm not!
1589
01:15:27,209 --> 01:15:28,626
(thunk) (laughs)
1590
01:15:28,667 --> 01:15:29,667
SOLDIER: Close it!
1591
01:15:29,709 --> 01:15:30,751
(lid bangs shut)
1592
01:15:31,167 --> 01:15:33,334
Ha! The powder needs air to burn.
1593
01:15:33,376 --> 01:15:34,917
Starved of air, it cannot catch
1594
01:15:34,959 --> 01:15:37,584
(huge explosion)
1595
01:15:39,251 --> 01:15:40,917
(everyone coughing)
1596
01:15:43,167 --> 01:15:45,501
- GUTHRUM: Bang, bang!
- IVARR: Ja! (Laughs)
1597
01:15:45,626 --> 01:15:46,917
That was a large bang!
1598
01:15:46,959 --> 01:15:48,251
JOAN: Guards!
1599
01:15:49,292 --> 01:15:50,292
BOBIK: Argh!
1600
01:15:50,667 --> 01:15:52,292
(punching) (high tempo music)
1601
01:15:53,876 --> 01:15:55,834
(slap) (Bobik choking)
1602
01:15:55,959 --> 01:15:57,042
(sword swishes)
1603
01:15:59,126 --> 01:16:00,292
(swords clang) Argh!
1604
01:16:00,376 --> 01:16:01,376
(Joan laughs)
1605
01:16:02,292 --> 01:16:03,584
Oh, Dagan
1606
01:16:03,751 --> 01:16:05,001
I've bested you once already,
1607
01:16:05,042 --> 01:16:06,917
now you're all starved and leaking
1608
01:16:06,959 --> 01:16:09,542
I fought for myself back then
Now I fight for something else.
1609
01:16:10,501 --> 01:16:12,292
Argh! (Swords clang)
1610
01:16:13,251 --> 01:16:16,292
Ladies, fighting with swords - Ja.
1611
01:16:16,334 --> 01:16:18,417
Argh! (Swords clanging)
1612
01:16:21,417 --> 01:16:22,626
(kicking sound) (thump)
1613
01:16:23,459 --> 01:16:24,667
(Bobik choking)
1614
01:16:24,917 --> 01:16:26,584
Let me tell you a secret, Dagan
1615
01:16:26,626 --> 01:16:27,667
(tense music)
1616
01:16:27,709 --> 01:16:29,959
I've begun to enjoy it
at the top of the tree.
1617
01:16:30,376 --> 01:16:32,626
I can tell you that,
'cause you'd understand
1618
01:16:35,667 --> 01:16:36,792
(crown clangs on sword)
1619
01:16:41,501 --> 01:16:44,251
I was going to melt this down
for gold coin, but
1620
01:16:45,167 --> 01:16:48,126
wouldn't it look fine on Joan's
most humble head?
1621
01:16:48,501 --> 01:16:50,334
'Take the crown, Joan!
1622
01:16:50,542 --> 01:16:52,209
You're the people's queen!'
1623
01:16:52,501 --> 01:16:54,501
'Oh, but I mustn't '
1624
01:16:54,751 --> 01:16:56,417
'Oh, but we wish it!'
1625
01:16:56,459 --> 01:17:00,667
'Well, if I must ' (laughs)
(sword falls to the sand)
1626
01:17:02,501 --> 01:17:03,501
Oh!
1627
01:17:08,459 --> 01:17:09,876
(laughs evilly)
1628
01:17:09,917 --> 01:17:11,751
(ethereal music) BOBIK: There's no sky.
1629
01:17:13,334 --> 01:17:14,584
It's just you
1630
01:17:14,792 --> 01:17:15,792
(screams) No!
1631
01:17:16,001 --> 01:17:17,084
BOBIK: The spade
1632
01:17:17,834 --> 01:17:19,626
and the thing what must be spaded
1633
01:17:19,667 --> 01:17:20,893
(squelching) (menacing singing)
1634
01:17:20,917 --> 01:17:22,917
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la
1635
01:17:24,251 --> 01:17:25,876
(repeated stabbing sound)
1636
01:17:28,209 --> 01:17:29,417
(blood spurting)
1637
01:17:31,167 --> 01:17:32,501
(dangerous music)
1638
01:17:33,126 --> 01:17:34,209
(thump)
1639
01:17:36,001 --> 01:17:37,001
(crown clangs softly)
1640
01:17:41,792 --> 01:17:42,917
(dramatic violin music)
1641
01:17:46,959 --> 01:17:48,501
Humble Joan,
1642
01:17:49,292 --> 01:17:50,542
for eternity your memory will
1643
01:17:50,584 --> 01:17:51,667
(hard thump)
1644
01:17:54,459 --> 01:17:57,459
Oh, that was magnificent! (Applause)
1645
01:17:57,501 --> 01:17:58,917
- Outstanding!
- Ja!
1646
01:17:59,292 --> 01:18:00,792
- High fun!
- High fun!
1647
01:18:01,792 --> 01:18:04,917
Queen Dagan, we wanted you to
win all along
1648
01:18:04,959 --> 01:18:06,376
I really enjoyed that.
1649
01:18:06,417 --> 01:18:07,893
- GUTHRUM: Right.
- IVARR: That was so good.
1650
01:18:07,917 --> 01:18:09,209
GUTHRUM: Ja - IVARR: Ja
1651
01:18:09,251 --> 01:18:10,501
(kings chatter fades out)
1652
01:18:11,209 --> 01:18:12,626
(Dagan groans)
1653
01:18:13,501 --> 01:18:15,334
My blood is falling out
1654
01:18:16,209 --> 01:18:18,001
(blood drips)
1655
01:18:18,626 --> 01:18:20,626
My life ebbs away.
1656
01:18:23,126 --> 01:18:24,167
Dagan.
1657
01:18:25,834 --> 01:18:28,126
This land will need a ruler when I'm gone.
1658
01:18:31,542 --> 01:18:33,292
I was a bastard.
1659
01:18:36,042 --> 01:18:37,042
Joan.
1660
01:18:38,126 --> 01:18:39,334
Leofwine.
1661
01:18:40,667 --> 01:18:42,251
Ivarr, Gunthrum.
1662
01:18:43,126 --> 01:18:44,959
We're all bastards.
1663
01:18:47,417 --> 01:18:52,167
Maybe countries need leaders
who aren't bastards.
1664
01:18:54,751 --> 01:18:56,001
Shulmay
1665
01:18:57,292 --> 01:18:58,584
will you be queen?
1666
01:19:00,751 --> 01:19:02,042
I can't be queen.
1667
01:19:03,001 --> 01:19:04,001
Can I?
1668
01:19:04,084 --> 01:19:05,751
You were made for it.
1669
01:19:06,292 --> 01:19:07,376
Trust me.
1670
01:19:17,751 --> 01:19:18,917
Shulmay.
1671
01:19:23,917 --> 01:19:27,542
Do you promise to rule with
wisdom and kindness?
1672
01:19:28,334 --> 01:19:29,334
Yes.
1673
01:19:29,751 --> 01:19:30,792
Yes, I do.
1674
01:19:32,376 --> 01:19:33,584
Queen Shulmay.
1675
01:19:34,376 --> 01:19:36,209
I don't want to die on the ground.
1676
01:19:37,001 --> 01:19:38,501
Help me up, my Queen
1677
01:19:38,584 --> 01:19:39,751
(dramatic music)
1678
01:19:42,042 --> 01:19:43,376
(groans)
1679
01:19:45,417 --> 01:19:47,084
Uh, Queen Shulmay.
1680
01:19:47,459 --> 01:19:49,542
Any chance you could give us the recipe
1681
01:19:49,584 --> 01:19:51,376
for the bang-bang powder?
1682
01:19:51,542 --> 01:19:52,584
No.
1683
01:19:54,209 --> 01:19:55,209
Just asking.
1684
01:19:55,251 --> 01:19:57,209
Yeah, no need to be snippy.
1685
01:19:57,626 --> 01:19:59,167
Come on Let's go.
1686
01:19:59,709 --> 01:20:01,042
GUTHRUM: Which way is the boat?
1687
01:20:01,334 --> 01:20:03,251
IVARR: It was your job to remember that.
1688
01:20:03,459 --> 01:20:06,334
GUTHRUM: Erm, it was close to
a very distinctive pebble.
1689
01:20:06,417 --> 01:20:09,626
IVARR: Oh ja, by that big, sort
of, sandy-coloured section
1690
01:20:09,917 --> 01:20:11,126
(coughs)
1691
01:20:11,167 --> 01:20:12,626
(tense music)
1692
01:20:14,751 --> 01:20:15,751
Uh.
1693
01:20:17,251 --> 01:20:18,709
I see a snail.
1694
01:20:21,001 --> 01:20:22,542
Come, Big Liam.
1695
01:20:24,084 --> 01:20:25,209
I'm ready
1696
01:20:25,251 --> 01:20:26,334
(ethereal music)
1697
01:20:28,209 --> 01:20:29,209
No.
1698
01:20:30,542 --> 01:20:31,626
Come.
1699
01:20:32,459 --> 01:20:34,167
Cease your approach, Big Liam
1700
01:20:35,584 --> 01:20:36,834
I've had an idea.
1701
01:20:38,542 --> 01:20:40,167
This will stop the bleeding.
1702
01:20:40,334 --> 01:20:42,501
Just a tiny pinch of the powder.
1703
01:20:43,167 --> 01:20:46,209
DAGAN: Liam, I see you,
Big Liam I'm ready.
1704
01:20:46,251 --> 01:20:48,167
That'll burn the wound shut Stand back
1705
01:20:48,917 --> 01:20:50,001
(sizzling)
1706
01:20:52,959 --> 01:20:56,376
Ouch! Fucking hell!
1707
01:20:56,417 --> 01:20:57,792
The bleeding's stopped.
1708
01:20:57,959 --> 01:20:59,126
Saved your life.
1709
01:21:05,542 --> 01:21:06,542
Come.
1710
01:21:09,209 --> 01:21:10,251
Thank you.
1711
01:21:12,501 --> 01:21:13,709
Earl Bobik.
1712
01:21:15,834 --> 01:21:17,001
I'm an earl!
1713
01:21:18,251 --> 01:21:20,167
Hey, I'm an earl!
1714
01:21:21,001 --> 01:21:22,251
A ruddy earl!
1715
01:21:24,376 --> 01:21:25,751
Oof.
1716
01:21:26,209 --> 01:21:27,376
Where are you off to?
1717
01:21:27,709 --> 01:21:29,251
Why, off to the citadel.
1718
01:21:29,584 --> 01:21:31,542
We have a coronation to arrange!
1719
01:21:31,709 --> 01:21:33,334
(upbeat marching music)
1720
01:21:33,834 --> 01:21:35,667
SHULMAY: I'm the Queen!
1721
01:21:35,709 --> 01:21:37,209
BOBIK: You're the fucking Queen!
1722
01:21:37,626 --> 01:21:39,542
SHULMAY: I'm the Queen!
1723
01:21:39,834 --> 01:21:41,751
Shulmay, you found your song!
1724
01:21:41,917 --> 01:21:43,126
(laughing)
1725
01:21:43,251 --> 01:21:45,209
I'm the Queen!
1726
01:21:45,501 --> 01:21:48,084
The fucking Queen!
1727
01:21:48,876 --> 01:21:51,209
DAGAN: And the crown stayed on
the right head.
1728
01:21:51,876 --> 01:21:53,959
The head it was meant for all along.
1729
01:21:54,667 --> 01:21:58,709
Hooray for Queen Shulmay,
the people's queen!
1730
01:21:58,751 --> 01:21:59,751
(cheers & applause)
1731
01:22:01,209 --> 01:22:03,709
What about Bobik? (Laughs)
1732
01:22:04,292 --> 01:22:06,001
DAGAN: I moved to a palace.
1733
01:22:06,084 --> 01:22:09,626
And I found my beloved countess.
1734
01:22:10,959 --> 01:22:11,834
Here you are, dear.
1735
01:22:11,876 --> 01:22:15,959
DAGAN: And everybody lived
happily ever after.
1736
01:22:16,001 --> 01:22:17,167
The end.
1737
01:22:17,251 --> 01:22:19,051
Sorry for all the swearing
(cheers & applause)
1738
01:22:21,126 --> 01:22:23,459
Thank you! Thank you so much!
1739
01:22:23,501 --> 01:22:24,626
Many thanks!
1740
01:22:24,667 --> 01:22:26,084
Don't forget the puppeteer
1741
01:22:26,126 --> 01:22:28,251
(coins jangling) Thank you Thank you.
1742
01:22:28,876 --> 01:22:30,917
GIRL: Thank you - DAGAN: Thanks.
1743
01:22:31,001 --> 01:22:32,751
Is it true what the grown-ups say,
1744
01:22:32,792 --> 01:22:34,792
that you're the other queen in the story?
1745
01:22:35,417 --> 01:22:36,417
What?
1746
01:22:36,959 --> 01:22:40,042
She was so mean and angry.
1747
01:22:40,334 --> 01:22:41,602
Nobody would want to be her friend.
1748
01:22:41,626 --> 01:22:42,792
Do I look like her?
1749
01:22:43,542 --> 01:22:45,126
No, you don't.
1750
01:22:45,417 --> 01:22:46,584
So, it can't be me, can it?
1751
01:22:46,959 --> 01:22:47,667
(coins jangle)
1752
01:22:47,709 --> 01:22:50,084
Or at least it hasn't been for a very long.
1753
01:22:50,126 --> 01:22:51,626
Oh, for goodness sake!
1754
01:22:52,959 --> 01:22:54,501
Seize them!
1755
01:22:54,542 --> 01:22:55,959
(upbeat music)
1756
01:23:00,626 --> 01:23:06,251
Shall I milk thy herd for you, kind sir?
1757
01:23:06,501 --> 01:23:09,251
Hey, I'm in love.
1758
01:23:10,417 --> 01:23:12,626
My fingers keep on clicking to the beat.
1759
01:23:12,667 --> 01:23:14,167
He locked her away in a tower.
1760
01:23:14,751 --> 01:23:16,334
And anyone who spoke of her again
1761
01:23:16,376 --> 01:23:18,084
would be pressed through a cattle grid.
1762
01:23:18,709 --> 01:23:22,209
Ebony and ivory and dancing
and in the street.
1763
01:23:22,751 --> 01:23:27,126
Hey, it's 'cause of you the world
1764
01:23:27,167 --> 01:23:31,042
I've heard she's done this:
poos in your wells.
1765
01:23:31,084 --> 01:23:34,084
My heart is beating like a jungle drum.
1766
01:23:34,626 --> 01:23:36,917
Guda, dunga, dunga, dunga,
dung, dung, dung.
1767
01:23:38,126 --> 01:23:39,459
I'm gonna fuck you up!
1768
01:23:39,501 --> 01:23:42,542
Come on, let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go, let's go
1769
01:23:44,084 --> 01:23:45,834
like a jungle drum.
1770
01:23:50,834 --> 01:23:53,167
What, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee,
dee, dee, dee
1771
01:23:53,209 --> 01:23:56,001
.the moment between
the striking and the fire.
1772
01:23:58,876 --> 01:24:00,393
- A dragon, then.
- SHULMAY: They're not real
1773
01:24:00,417 --> 01:24:02,042
(laughs) Fuck off
1774
01:24:02,084 --> 01:24:04,167
.kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.
1775
01:24:05,334 --> 01:24:09,001
No one ever stopped.
1776
01:24:09,167 --> 01:24:13,001
My hands are in the air, yes, I'm in love.
1777
01:24:13,167 --> 01:24:16,959
My heart is beating like a jungle drum.
1778
01:24:17,209 --> 01:24:19,251
Guda, dunga, dunga, dunga,
dung, dung, dung.
1779
01:24:19,292 --> 01:24:22,792
My heart is beating like a jungle drum.
1780
01:24:23,292 --> 01:24:25,417
Guda, dunga, dunga, dunga,
dung, dung, dung.
1781
01:24:25,459 --> 01:24:29,001
My heart is beating like a jungle drum.
1782
01:24:29,376 --> 01:24:31,417
Rung, dung, da-rung, gung, gung.
1783
01:24:31,459 --> 01:24:35,334
My heart is beating like a jungle drum.
1784
01:24:35,542 --> 01:24:37,542
Rung, dung, da-rung, gung, gung.
1785
01:24:37,584 --> 01:24:41,334
My heart is beating like a jungle drum.
1786
01:24:41,501 --> 01:24:43,584
Rung, dung, da-rung, gung, gung.
1787
01:24:43,626 --> 01:24:46,834
My heart is beating like a jungle drum.
1788
01:24:50,376 --> 01:24:53,751
Rung, dung, da-rung, gung,
gung (repeated)
1789
01:25:05,876 --> 01:25:13,834
My heart is beating like a jungle drum.
1790
01:25:13,917 --> 01:25:17,792
My heart is beating like a jungle drum.
1791
01:25:17,959 --> 01:25:20,334
My heart is beating like a jungle.
1792
01:25:20,376 --> 01:25:22,626
Rung, dung, da-rung, gung, gung
1793
01:25:23,376 --> 01:25:25,292
(upbeat marching music)
1794
01:30:57,667 --> 01:31:00,167
LEOFWINE: I'm alive, Dagan!
1795
01:31:00,209 --> 01:31:03,542
I'm still alive! (Gurgles)