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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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[dramatic
middle eastern stringer]

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[high-pitched ringing]

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WADE: Yeah,
we're going into Baghdad.

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We're gonna take Baghdad.

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The Army had been engaging
on the west side of the city.

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They had
dropped some paratroopers

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into the,
I think Baghdad airport.

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So they had a foothold there.

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But we were gonna come in
from the east and because 24

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hours prior to that,
Intel had seen, or there had

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been a public appearance of
Saddam Hussein with the crowds.

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And there's footage of this.

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I remember
watching footage later

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on in years later afterwards.

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It was like, oh,
timeline connected it.

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He'd done his first, like,
outside of this famous mosque,

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the rally is
Citizens and then taken off.

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And that was the last known
place where the-- so we were

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going to these palaces that had
been bombed to look for him.

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[dramatic middle eastern music]

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WADE: We came in from
the west side of the city.

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And soon as
we got on the outside

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the enemy,
the Fedayeen Troopers,

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the Fedayeen were
these guys in black pajamas.

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They were, you know,
Iraqis trained sort of

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like paramilitary guys.

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They blew up a oil tanker
to sort of try and get us,

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but also to like,
sort of mark to the city,

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"Hey, US is
in this side of the city."

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And as soon as that thing went
on, it was like World War III.

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I mean, I was in the back
of a high back Humvee 'cause

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what it was me and
a couple other 51 that had

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been making explosive
breach charges to blow doors

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because we were like,
we're gonna hit a pallet.

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We're gonna
have some big heavy doors.

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We gotta blow some doors.

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And so while we're
driving into the city before

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we got to the actual city,
we were making explosive charges

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in the back of a Humvee
with lights on our heads and

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bumpy traffic,
you know, movements.

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And then as soon as,
like, the shooting started,

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we lift up the-- 'cause
we were in a clear sight.

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It was like little
canvas-backed Humvee.

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We open up the side
thing so we can see.

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And I had my
night vision 7-Bravos on,

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which is like
a monocle that covers both eyes.

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So it's really bad.

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You don't get depth
of perception or nothing.

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And you just see all
of our IR lasers from

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everybody's rifles
pointing everywhere.

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And then you see all
the shots going and the tracers.

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- [gunfire]
- WADE: It was like, intense.

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- [gunfire]
- [tense music]

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[indistinct shouting]

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WADE: And what happened
was we got into the city and

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the Abrams, I guess
leading the way got lost.

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And we had to go back
through another, like,

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we called it the gauntlet
because it was intense.

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I mean, there was guys left,
right, center, above,

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below shooting at us,
the whole battalion.

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It was like a shooting
gallery for these guys.

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And they just--
our battalion loved it so much

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we went back through
it again because we had

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to take another turn
to get to this palace.

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Later on,
I think [indistinct] palace.

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We came in the green zone,

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and I think it actually was in

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another documentary
called <i>Gunner's Palace,</i>

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I think, from the video--
from the footage of that one.

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I think I could say, yeah,
that's the same palace we hit.

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MAN: All right,
let's go get ready.

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- Go ahead.
- WADE: We fight.

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And you know,
that fight starts probably

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like three, four in
the morning or something.

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I can't remember.
But we fight and we

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finally get to the palaces

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a few hours later
after taking casualties.

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I know Alpha company lost
Gunner Sergeant Bori got shot in

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the Humvee in the head,
and he was killed.

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Then, you know,
everybody, every company took

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casualties,
guys got shot in the back

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of the AAVs,
RPGs were hit, and Humvees.

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MAN: We just had
an RPG impact right next to us.

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[gunfire]

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Miraculously nothing,
you know, hit us. I mean,

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my buddy's Humvee got hit
with a RPG and went through

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the driver's window and hit

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the driver's windshield and

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blew out the windshield forward.

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And it had hit like
his ISO mat or sleeping mat.

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'Cause he had had it on
the side of this like thing.

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And that ricocheted saved
I think a lot of people's lives.

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It was just like crazy
stories like that happened.

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MAN: Stay back, stay back.
We're good. Good.

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One guy, one of the 81s
platoon sergeants, he got shot.

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He was wearing
a tanker's helmet 'cause had

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to be audio into the AAV.
And he got shot.

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And the bullet literally
skipped over his head and went

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out the other side.

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He had like
the burn mark from it.

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And you could see
like the Kevlar helmet.

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You could see
the scratch mark from where

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the bullet
just went out that way.

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Couldn't believe it.
You know,

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like there
was stories like that.

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And we got to the palace
and we breached inside,

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got inside the palace,
it was abandoned.

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We had JDAM it weeks prior.
Wasn't much into it.

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But as soon as we got in there,
then the Fedayeen tried

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to-- they were really
attacking position then.

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And the mosque
was still a block away.

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And that was Alpha
company's objective,

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was to go clear the mosques
to make sure he wasn't there,

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which I don't think
he was gonna be there.

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So they go and as
they're attacking the mosques,

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you know, the Fedayeen
really just poured on us.

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They're trying to overrun.

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But we had eight tens
come and shoot their gun on

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the streets,
which was really cool to see.

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[imitates gunfire, laughing]
Just stopped right there.

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[dramatic music]

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WADE: And since we have weapons

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that we can hop frequencies and
get on like the Aircom channels,

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but you'd see it and you'd
see it coming and lining up.

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And then you'd see it literally
see the cloud of smoke.

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And then you'd see
the jet literally slowdown

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in space and in the air.

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And then you just hear
the [imitates gunfire] of

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the actual gun we got going.

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That shit tore those boys up.

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I mean, that gun is a badass.

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It's a badass gun,
badass weapon.

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Having that come in,
you were like phew!

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And then I remember we,
you know, 'cause we had

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invaded this palace,
so there was ten, 12-foot walls

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that we were sort of behind,
but we were getting on positions

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on palace roofs and
stuff like that to get eyes on

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the alleyways and the roads
to fight these guys off.

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And I remember
we had a Chinook come in.

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Our FACA called in a Chinook to
get casualties and prisoners out

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and also drop off ammunition and
medicine and stuff like that.

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So I remember it came
down and it was like small

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courtyard because
all the explo-- like

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from the JDAM there
was like a lot of debris.

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And it like had
its tail down, basically.

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Picked up the casualties,
picked out some box of ammo.

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And then
I remember it getting up,

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and then I see RPGs fly by it.

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You're like, whew,
that could've been dangerous.

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Like if Chinook go down that's
the most vulnerable position.

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Once it gets to like
that it's going down.

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But yeah, so the pilot
took a face maneuvers.

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I think they loaded up
Gunny Bore's body on that one.

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But yeah, you know,
we had a good firefight.

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A good firefight that morning
into the early, you know,

158
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afternoon things sort of quieted
down and started doing patrols.

159
00:08:05,223 --> 00:08:07,487
And we started, you know,
fortifying our position.

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00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:10,577
[high-pitched ringing]

161
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:13,667
[dramatic middle eastern music]

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♪♪♪

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[music fades]

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JOHN: I didn't
have a lot of direction.

165
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I graduated high school.

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Of course,
a lot of the really good

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friends I have from back then,
I still have now.

168
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But it was a lot of just getting
up every day, going to work.

169
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I worked at a jail
before I joined the Army.

170
00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:48,413
I went to
college the first time.

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And like a lot of
people that joined the military,

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we weren't-- I wasn't
mentally prepared or,

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you know, emotionally prepared.

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I was still a little, just
a little juvenile in actions.

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00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:02,776
But it was like everybody else.

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You're just kinda ignorant
to anything you're gonna

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00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:07,476
go through whenever
you get in the military.

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00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:10,784
So it was just living life
every day, like I said, going to

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work and playing with friends,
hanging out, seeing family.

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WADE: You know,
just typical suburban life.

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00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:20,141
Played baseball as a kid,
you know, sports,

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00:10:20,315 --> 00:10:22,534
had my brothers
ran in the neighborhood,

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00:10:22,709 --> 00:10:26,626
got in trouble, you know,
all the usual, all usual things.

184
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:29,716
And then, you know,
around middle school and high

185
00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:35,373
school started exploring
more and doing things my way.

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00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:39,203
And I always knew I was gonna
join the Marines, you know.

187
00:10:39,377 --> 00:10:42,511
Young in high school I knew
I wasn't ready for college.

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00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:44,382
I didn't have the maturity,

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00:10:44,556 --> 00:10:46,863
if that's
possible to think like that.

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00:10:47,037 --> 00:10:48,735
I don't know.
I just knew it wasn't for me.

191
00:10:48,909 --> 00:10:51,346
And so the Marine Corps
for me early on was something

192
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,479
I wanted to do at least.

193
00:10:55,480 --> 00:11:00,050
And, you know, having my father
serve in Vietnam as a pilot in

194
00:11:00,224 --> 00:11:04,359
the Air Force, he wasn't too
keen on me being in the Marines.

195
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:09,930
'Cause his last tour of duty
he was repatriating the remains

196
00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:14,978
of servicemen to Dover,
Delaware from Vietnam.

197
00:11:15,152 --> 00:11:18,852
And so he definitely didn't want
me be in the Marines, but...

198
00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:21,332
OMAR: I guess
I was just a normal

199
00:11:21,506 --> 00:11:25,554
mischievous kid,
you know, liked to explore.

200
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:31,429
I know we went
fishing quite a bit.

201
00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:37,958
Went down to the river and just
had fun as much as we could.

202
00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:40,482
We didn't have a lot of money.

203
00:11:41,439 --> 00:11:45,052
So whenever those
times came that we were able

204
00:11:45,226 --> 00:11:47,532
to get out,
you know, we made the best.

205
00:11:48,751 --> 00:11:53,756
It's just gonna sound
silly and posterous I guess

206
00:11:53,930 --> 00:11:58,718
but just watching <i>Rambo</i>
and <i>Predator</i>and stuff

207
00:11:58,892 --> 00:12:02,634
like that made me wanna join.

208
00:12:09,641 --> 00:12:14,124
We had various engagements
then on my third deployment.

209
00:12:14,298 --> 00:12:18,955
This was during
the surge of 2006, 2007.

210
00:12:19,129 --> 00:12:21,218
And my unit was sent to Baghdad.

211
00:12:22,219 --> 00:12:25,092
On that deployment,
I earned a silver star

212
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:26,876
and my first purple heart.

213
00:12:27,311 --> 00:12:28,922
MAN: Oh, damn!

214
00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:41,151
[indistinct shouting]

215
00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:42,979
[gunfire]

216
00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:52,989
OMAR: We were
out on a joint patrol

217
00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:56,645
with the Iraqi national police.

218
00:12:58,255 --> 00:13:05,001
And I was in charge
of a small team of INPs.

219
00:13:05,175 --> 00:13:07,177
[camera shutter]

220
00:13:07,351 --> 00:13:12,922
So we were set
up on like at a T intersection.

221
00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:18,145
The enemy
was behind us roughly 100,

222
00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:22,584
200 meters if that.

223
00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:26,022
And as we were
setting in,

224
00:13:26,196 --> 00:13:30,070
we started
receiving fire from the rear.

225
00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:32,724
And I was shot.

226
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:36,250
I was shot in my right thigh.

227
00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:40,515
And then two of my
men were shot as well.

228
00:13:40,689 --> 00:13:42,604
[gunfire]

229
00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:46,042
I didn't realize
they were shot until I moved to

230
00:13:46,216 --> 00:13:51,091
cover behind those walls
that I was instructing the INPs

231
00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:55,486
to return fire when I noticed
that I was missing two of them.

232
00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:58,968
I returned some fire
to kinda like keep the bad

233
00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:02,363
guys' heads down 'cause
they were still getting shot at.

234
00:14:04,278 --> 00:14:10,414
And I ran out and I dragged
one of 'em, one of the INPs,

235
00:14:10,588 --> 00:14:14,549
and I went back out there
and was still getting shot at.

236
00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:19,380
I picked up the other
guy and carried him.

237
00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:24,951
And I put him behind the wall
returned some more fire.

238
00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:28,389
And my squad leader
finally got to me and

239
00:14:28,563 --> 00:14:30,957
was trying to patch my leg up.

240
00:14:33,046 --> 00:14:35,091
Though I was
shot and just bleeding,

241
00:14:35,265 --> 00:14:38,268
like, just drenched in blood.

242
00:14:39,269 --> 00:14:43,839
But, again, I wanted to
make sure my guys were good.

243
00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:45,841
They did have multiple shots.

244
00:14:47,234 --> 00:14:50,977
One guy was shot in
his back and in his arm.

245
00:14:51,151 --> 00:14:54,719
The other guy was shot
in his belly and his leg.

246
00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:59,507
Everything was slow motion.
Everything was slow motion.

247
00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:06,122
And, you know, the guys
that saw what I did were like,

248
00:15:06,296 --> 00:15:09,691
"Dude, you were,
you know, moving so fast.

249
00:15:10,648 --> 00:15:12,563
And it looked like
we were watching a movie."

250
00:15:13,782 --> 00:15:18,787
And me, I felt like
I wasn't moving fast at all.

251
00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:22,965
Like I had
sandbags weighing me down.

252
00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:30,103
But my guys weren't
heavy when I picked them

253
00:15:30,277 --> 00:15:31,843
up or when I dragged them.

254
00:15:32,757 --> 00:15:34,063
But I felt heavy.

255
00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:37,197
I couldn't tell
you what I was thinking.

256
00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:41,157
It was just
get to them, you know,

257
00:15:41,331 --> 00:15:43,855
get to them and bring them home.

258
00:15:44,508 --> 00:15:46,380
And a lot of people,
you know, would tell me

259
00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:48,599
like, "Dude,
like, why'd you do that?

260
00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:50,166
You're crazy. Those
guys aren't American."

261
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,734
But they were fighting.

262
00:15:52,908 --> 00:15:55,432
They've been fighting
beside us for a few months.

263
00:15:55,606 --> 00:15:58,348
And, you know,
you get to know people.

264
00:15:58,522 --> 00:16:01,134
You eat with 'em,
you sleep with 'em, you know,

265
00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:05,007
you sweat with 'em,
you bleed with them.

266
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,403
And it doesn't matter
if they were Americans or

267
00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:12,058
from Mars or whatever.

268
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:14,016
They were my guys.

269
00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:20,892
[soft pensive music]

270
00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:23,069
On my second deployment,

271
00:16:24,548 --> 00:16:27,638
something very,
very significant did happen.

272
00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:34,080
I received my citizenship,
so I accomplished the mission

273
00:16:34,254 --> 00:16:38,258
that I initially set
off for and becoming a citizen

274
00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:40,303
and earning my citizenship.

275
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:44,960
And of all places,
I received my citizenship in

276
00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:49,182
Iraq, in Baghdad, in one
of Saddam Hussein's palaces.

277
00:16:52,185 --> 00:16:53,925
And yeah, it was awesome.

278
00:16:55,623 --> 00:17:00,367
So initially on my first
deployment, my resident alien

279
00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:04,501
card had expired and
the guys would mess with me,

280
00:17:04,675 --> 00:17:06,329
like, "Dude,
you're gonna get deported.

281
00:17:06,503 --> 00:17:10,333
Instead of going home,
you're gonna go to Mexico."

282
00:17:10,507 --> 00:17:14,990
And I was freaked out 'cause
I didn't know anybody in Mexico.

283
00:17:15,164 --> 00:17:17,253
You know, all my family's here.

284
00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:22,041
And we tried the process
for the citizenship.

285
00:17:22,215 --> 00:17:25,218
And then before
my second deployment,

286
00:17:25,392 --> 00:17:27,524
I had taken
the picture and everything.

287
00:17:27,698 --> 00:17:29,309
And during--

288
00:17:30,397 --> 00:17:32,312
If I'm not mistaken,
like we were coming back from

289
00:17:32,486 --> 00:17:37,404
a mission and I found
out that I had to go to

290
00:17:37,578 --> 00:17:40,233
Baghdad to
receive my citizenship.

291
00:17:41,016 --> 00:17:43,584
♪♪♪

292
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:46,021
OMAR: So they
had an actual ceremony.

293
00:17:46,195 --> 00:17:50,243
I wanna say it was over,
maybe over 300 people.

294
00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:53,333
It was quite a bit.
Quite a few folks.

295
00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:54,986
It was just awesome.

296
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:57,032
'Cause President Bush
gave a speech to us.

297
00:17:57,206 --> 00:18:02,646
And I just
felt like I've done it.

298
00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:06,868
[high-pitched ringing]

299
00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:10,785
The day that I was
injured... [sighs]

300
00:18:10,959 --> 00:18:15,050
we had aerosoled out
around two o'clock at night.

301
00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:17,357
We rode in a Chinook
out to the middle of nowhere,

302
00:18:17,531 --> 00:18:20,273
into a valley,
and walked for a couple

303
00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:22,275
hours to set up on a coot.

304
00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:24,668
We were out on a mission, it was
called Operation Shark Attack.

305
00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:26,453
It was gonna
last like a week or so.

306
00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:29,847
And it was not
long after Bergdahl had

307
00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:31,414
gone missing in '09.

308
00:18:31,588 --> 00:18:33,503
I think,
by the way, a crow flies.

309
00:18:33,677 --> 00:18:37,551
We were 20 miles or so,
I think away from the FOB

310
00:18:37,725 --> 00:18:39,683
that he was--
that he absconded from.

311
00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:43,557
But we were out to search
every coot, house,

312
00:18:43,731 --> 00:18:45,689
tent, nomad, whatever.

313
00:18:45,863 --> 00:18:48,170
Everything that we came
across for any kind of intel

314
00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:49,824
weapon or whatever.

315
00:18:49,998 --> 00:18:51,869
It may not have
been strictly related to

316
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:54,916
Bergdahl through
the private network,

317
00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:58,354
but the higher OPs knew
a little bit more about that.

318
00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:02,271
So we were aerosoled out,
slept in a ditch that night.

319
00:19:02,445 --> 00:19:04,621
It was the first time I had
legitimately slept in a ditch.

320
00:19:04,795 --> 00:19:09,104
We woke up, had a brief
firefight that morning,

321
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:12,194
and then made it to the first
coot, searched the entire coot.

322
00:19:12,368 --> 00:19:14,501
And we were there for
about two hours too long.

323
00:19:15,545 --> 00:19:17,808
As soon as our fighter
pilots checked off station,

324
00:19:17,982 --> 00:19:19,506
we came under fire.

325
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,291
And as soon as
we started receiving fire,

326
00:19:22,465 --> 00:19:24,467
I rolled onto all
fours from the sitter position.

327
00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:27,905
And an RPG landed under my face.

328
00:19:28,079 --> 00:19:29,211
[loud blast]

329
00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:32,910
[dramatic music]

330
00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:40,614
JOHN: You know, I got really
lucky, to say the least.

331
00:19:40,788 --> 00:19:42,833
I caught the spinoff
of the shrapnel and

332
00:19:43,007 --> 00:19:45,880
the explosion kinda
gave me a brain injury.

333
00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:50,101
But, you know, I was conscious
through pretty well all of it.

334
00:19:50,711 --> 00:19:52,452
Got to run
out to the bird after.

335
00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:54,976
And if I got
to meet the Medevac pilot,

336
00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:56,456
I'd love to shake his hand.

337
00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,849
'Cause he landed
under heavy enemy fire.

338
00:19:59,763 --> 00:20:01,243
It was a little
while after I was hit

339
00:20:01,417 --> 00:20:03,071
that set against
the wall for a while.

340
00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:06,509
The first medic that got to me,
Lauren Pearson,

341
00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:09,860
later Lauren Haskins,
she made it to me,

342
00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:12,733
took care of me until
the Medevac Bird got there.

343
00:20:12,907 --> 00:20:14,300
We actually lost her,

344
00:20:15,866 --> 00:20:18,042
I think, three or four
years after our deployment

345
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:21,263
where demons kinda
got the better of her.

346
00:20:22,046 --> 00:20:28,009
And, yeah, Lieutenant Lyon
ran me out to the bird.

347
00:20:28,183 --> 00:20:30,011
He tried to
get me to be carried off,

348
00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:33,493
and I said that I'm not being
carried off, I'm running off.

349
00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:36,104
So he picked me up,
put my arm around his shoulder,

350
00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:38,149
and we ran out to
the bird and got to take

351
00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:39,716
off like an episode
of <i>M#A#S#H.</i>

352
00:20:40,978 --> 00:20:42,066
It was great.

353
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,765
[helicopter whirring]

354
00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:50,466
♪♪♪

355
00:20:54,296 --> 00:20:58,866
Yeah. So I had my M4 sitting
next to me on the bipod.

356
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:01,695
I had just eaten my
first MRE in two or three days.

357
00:21:02,696 --> 00:21:07,048
It was just, we were so
burnt out on MREs that I mean,

358
00:21:07,222 --> 00:21:10,181
I lost close to 80
pounds on deployment, at least.

359
00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:13,315
It was pretty great,
great for myself.

360
00:21:13,489 --> 00:21:16,927
But the moment
that we came under fire,

361
00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:19,669
kinda like the first firefight,
you just take cover.

362
00:21:19,843 --> 00:21:21,628
So I rolled onto all fours.

363
00:21:21,802 --> 00:21:26,981
And as soon as the RPG
hit it was just black,

364
00:21:28,025 --> 00:21:29,723
I was able to stand up.

365
00:21:29,897 --> 00:21:31,855
And as the lights
started coming back,

366
00:21:32,029 --> 00:21:34,771
I could see some dust and blood
pouring over, like a bad movie.

367
00:21:34,945 --> 00:21:37,470
So I knew something was wrong.

368
00:21:37,644 --> 00:21:40,690
And my buddy Kat Nao was
on the exact opposite side of

369
00:21:40,864 --> 00:21:44,825
me from where I was,
where the RPG impacted.

370
00:21:44,999 --> 00:21:48,916
Thankfully, he got a few
small lacerations to his arm.

371
00:21:49,569 --> 00:21:52,093
Years later,
I found out that he actually

372
00:21:52,267 --> 00:21:53,921
rode the Medevac
helicopter with me.

373
00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:57,707
I didn't tie two and
two together until I got

374
00:21:57,881 --> 00:21:59,405
to take my
Lieutenant deer hunting

375
00:21:59,579 --> 00:22:02,799
years ago and really
recap on what happened.

376
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:06,542
But I could
see the blood coming over,

377
00:22:06,716 --> 00:22:09,371
made it over
to the wall called for medic.

378
00:22:09,545 --> 00:22:11,721
My buddies got
the medic down there to me.

379
00:22:11,895 --> 00:22:14,420
And she covered up my
face with some gauze,

380
00:22:16,422 --> 00:22:19,207
was, you know, just tending
to me as Lieutenant Lyon,

381
00:22:21,252 --> 00:22:22,689
just, you know, our hero.

382
00:22:22,863 --> 00:22:24,212
He was running back
and forth directing fire

383
00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:25,866
from three squads.

384
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:27,607
I can't say enough
good things about him.

385
00:22:29,173 --> 00:22:31,001
He kept running by
asking if I had been

386
00:22:31,175 --> 00:22:32,873
hit with morphine yet.

387
00:22:33,047 --> 00:22:36,920
And finally just told
our medic to give me morphine.

388
00:22:37,530 --> 00:22:39,793
And it felt like you hit
the bottom of a roller coaster.

389
00:22:39,967 --> 00:22:41,664
I asked her to
never do it again.

390
00:22:42,709 --> 00:22:45,712
It was-- I didn't really
feel a lot of pain.

391
00:22:45,886 --> 00:22:49,933
My face was lacerated
from side to side from the nose

392
00:22:50,107 --> 00:22:52,022
over to the right
side of the eyebrow.

393
00:22:52,196 --> 00:22:54,764
My eye, we couldn't
tell at the time it had been,

394
00:22:54,938 --> 00:22:57,941
you know,
cut in half a couple muscles.

395
00:22:58,115 --> 00:23:01,728
My tear duct kinda
had shrapnel everywhere.

396
00:23:02,685 --> 00:23:04,905
And then, of course, I had
the bleed on the brain, but all

397
00:23:05,079 --> 00:23:06,950
I could do was feel pressure,
which maybe it was shock,

398
00:23:07,124 --> 00:23:09,562
maybe it was just-- thankfully
I couldn't feel the pain.

399
00:23:10,258 --> 00:23:13,087
But, you know,
and then I just sat there,

400
00:23:13,261 --> 00:23:17,874
listened to my guys, you know,
lay down fire and get after it.

401
00:23:18,614 --> 00:23:22,357
And sat there for a while 'til
medevac was able to come in.

402
00:23:23,184 --> 00:23:25,404
Like I said,
I was able to run out

403
00:23:25,578 --> 00:23:27,493
under my own power
and get on the bird.

404
00:23:27,667 --> 00:23:29,756
And then we made it to
the first medevac station

405
00:23:29,930 --> 00:23:32,628
in FOB Shank
where I was checked out.

406
00:23:33,194 --> 00:23:37,459
Kat Nao actually came in because

407
00:23:38,242 --> 00:23:39,853
I screamed like a little girl

408
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,812
whenever they were checking
me for blood everywhere.

409
00:23:42,986 --> 00:23:45,032
It was kind of funny,
screamed like a little girl,

410
00:23:45,206 --> 00:23:47,861
but it was still,
still pretty bad.

411
00:23:48,035 --> 00:23:49,602
And then,
you know, I was medevaced

412
00:23:49,776 --> 00:23:52,169
all the way
to Bagram for surgery.

413
00:23:52,343 --> 00:23:56,043
I was asked in Shank to call my
folks, tell 'em what happened.

414
00:23:56,217 --> 00:23:57,479
I didn't want to tell 'em.

415
00:23:57,653 --> 00:24:00,656
A month earlier I'd hit an IED

416
00:24:02,223 --> 00:24:03,920
and I didn't
wanna call my parents,

417
00:24:04,094 --> 00:24:05,922
but I had to call my dad.
They made me.

418
00:24:06,401 --> 00:24:08,795
And I told him,
"Hey, Dad, I hit an IED today.

419
00:24:08,969 --> 00:24:11,928
I'm fine. I just missed-- like,
tore some muscles in my chest."

420
00:24:15,279 --> 00:24:17,325
A couple weeks later,
I hit my second IED.

421
00:24:17,499 --> 00:24:19,458
That one wasn't very bad at all.

422
00:24:19,632 --> 00:24:21,460
We were transporting
spaghetti for our third platoon.

423
00:24:21,634 --> 00:24:24,158
We got to go and take showers
for the first time in a month.

424
00:24:24,332 --> 00:24:26,421
And we were bringing
hot shower to the guys.

425
00:24:26,595 --> 00:24:28,858
And when we hit
the IED I was the only

426
00:24:29,032 --> 00:24:30,556
one in the back of that truck.

427
00:24:30,730 --> 00:24:32,558
And it just threw
spaghetti and marinara sauce

428
00:24:32,732 --> 00:24:36,300
or ketchup
in the army everywhere.

429
00:24:36,475 --> 00:24:38,607
So I got out of
that truck and I was covered in,

430
00:24:38,781 --> 00:24:40,304
you know,
ketchup and everything.

431
00:24:41,610 --> 00:24:44,700
But yeah, my second IED I didn't
have to call my folks.

432
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:48,878
After being injured from
the RPG, they asked me to call

433
00:24:49,052 --> 00:24:51,272
my parents at FOB Shank,
the first medevac station.

434
00:24:51,446 --> 00:24:53,013
I wouldn't do it.

435
00:24:53,187 --> 00:24:54,623
Got to Bagram.

436
00:24:54,797 --> 00:24:57,234
Before they even
talked about doing surgery,

437
00:24:57,408 --> 00:24:59,410
they asked me to call
my parents and I said no.

438
00:25:00,542 --> 00:25:02,544
The third time was
right before I went into

439
00:25:02,718 --> 00:25:04,154
surgery to have my eye removed.

440
00:25:05,112 --> 00:25:08,463
The surgeon came in
and told me I had to call my

441
00:25:08,637 --> 00:25:10,813
parents or they were
gonna call 'em for me.

442
00:25:10,987 --> 00:25:12,511
So I called my dad.

443
00:25:12,685 --> 00:25:14,643
It was two or three
o'clock in the morning in

444
00:25:14,817 --> 00:25:18,647
the United States in the Midwest
and got to wake him up.

445
00:25:19,474 --> 00:25:20,954
Say, "Hey, Dad, it's Michael."

446
00:25:21,128 --> 00:25:23,652
He is like, "Yeah, I know.
What do you want?"

447
00:25:23,826 --> 00:25:26,263
You know, 'cause
I understand he's sleeping.

448
00:25:27,090 --> 00:25:30,050
But yeah, I got to tell him,
"Hey, Dad, I got hit.

449
00:25:30,224 --> 00:25:32,356
Might lose my eye.
They're gonna try and save it."

450
00:25:32,531 --> 00:25:36,491
I had a lengthy argument
with the surgeon, with a few

451
00:25:36,665 --> 00:25:38,798
threats in there
because I'm young and dumb.

452
00:25:38,972 --> 00:25:42,628
And asked him to call
Mom and tell her what happened.

453
00:25:42,802 --> 00:25:46,240
And not long after that,
I think the entire,

454
00:25:46,414 --> 00:25:48,851
you know, my entire hometown
of a thousand people knew,

455
00:25:49,852 --> 00:25:51,941
but went through surgery.

456
00:25:53,073 --> 00:25:55,423
They did take out my eye.

457
00:25:56,076 --> 00:25:58,121
Woke up to a priest
giving me my final rights.

458
00:25:58,295 --> 00:26:00,994
I told him, "Hey, bro,
I'm not done yet." [chuckles]

459
00:26:01,168 --> 00:26:02,604
And then just sat there.

460
00:26:02,778 --> 00:26:04,650
You know,
I'm in Bagram's Hospital.

461
00:26:06,042 --> 00:26:08,958
I can't do anything combat-wise.
I'm not any good to my guys.

462
00:26:09,132 --> 00:26:10,960
And was just
waiting for the next step.

463
00:26:11,657 --> 00:26:13,572
That's where--
Sat there for about a day.

464
00:26:13,746 --> 00:26:16,923
And then we loaded up and
flew to Landstuhl in Germany.

465
00:26:17,488 --> 00:26:19,490
And then long after that,
we flew to the United States

466
00:26:19,665 --> 00:26:21,667
to Walter Reed to
be in the hospital for

467
00:26:21,841 --> 00:26:23,190
almost a year and a half.

468
00:26:23,712 --> 00:26:25,671
Going to appointments,
going through occupational

469
00:26:25,845 --> 00:26:27,803
therapy, rehabbing
for my injuries.

470
00:26:28,543 --> 00:26:31,198
[tense music]

471
00:26:35,681 --> 00:26:38,684
WADE: My platoon commander,
Lieutenant Glover,

472
00:26:40,816 --> 00:26:43,166
was very aggressive
and very interested

473
00:26:43,340 --> 00:26:44,472
in getting into fights.

474
00:26:44,646 --> 00:26:46,082
And I remember one morning we

475
00:26:46,256 --> 00:26:49,042
were in Fallujah,
waking up on the squawk box.

476
00:26:49,216 --> 00:26:50,260
We were kinda like--

477
00:26:50,434 --> 00:26:52,393
Half of us were on awake,

478
00:26:52,567 --> 00:26:54,264
half us were sleeping at night

479
00:26:54,438 --> 00:26:55,918
sort of doing that.

480
00:26:56,092 --> 00:26:58,007
And I remember
he comes to the squawk box,

481
00:26:58,181 --> 00:27:00,053
which is like
little speaker in the NVA.

482
00:27:00,227 --> 00:27:03,491
He's like, "They put
a roadblock up down by

483
00:27:03,665 --> 00:27:06,276
this mosque on Michigan.
We're gonna go pick a fight."

484
00:27:06,755 --> 00:27:08,104
I said, "He just say that?"

485
00:27:08,278 --> 00:27:09,976
He said we're
gonna go pick a fight.

486
00:27:10,150 --> 00:27:11,847
It's like four in the morning,
five in the morning.

487
00:27:12,021 --> 00:27:14,197
Like, ah man, okay.
So we get on the road,

488
00:27:14,371 --> 00:27:17,331
go to Michigan, we push
down to where the mosque is,

489
00:27:17,505 --> 00:27:19,594
and then
the T section is route Violet.

490
00:27:20,247 --> 00:27:22,249
And they create
this little like, I mean,

491
00:27:22,423 --> 00:27:25,731
it's like a couple tires and
a couple obstacles or whatever.

492
00:27:26,732 --> 00:27:28,864
And as soon as we get
down there an RPG flies over

493
00:27:29,038 --> 00:27:31,954
the truck behind us,
this hood blows up.

494
00:27:32,128 --> 00:27:33,826
And then it was game on.

495
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:36,785
They basically just
tried to ambush us from Violet.

496
00:27:37,264 --> 00:27:39,135
Well, in the Marine Corps,
we're taught,

497
00:27:39,309 --> 00:27:40,920
if you're in ambush,
you push through it or

498
00:27:41,094 --> 00:27:42,399
you take the fight to the enemy.

499
00:27:42,573 --> 00:27:45,185
So we lead gun truck.

500
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:49,058
We literally face down
Violet and just gunning down

501
00:27:49,232 --> 00:27:51,234
Violet towards these
people shooting at us.

502
00:27:51,408 --> 00:27:54,760
And there's a guy,
Haze, our 50 cal machine

503
00:27:54,934 --> 00:27:56,022
gunner in our truck,

504
00:27:56,196 --> 00:27:57,763
he cut 'em in half.

505
00:27:57,937 --> 00:27:59,634
He was behind a bulldozer
blade shooting at us.

506
00:27:59,808 --> 00:28:01,897
And then the rounds--
[imitates shouting, falling]

507
00:28:02,637 --> 00:28:04,421
And then, like,
I realized that we're

508
00:28:04,595 --> 00:28:06,075
in an ambush, like, on Violet.

509
00:28:06,249 --> 00:28:07,860
'Cause I see, like,
I don't think they were

510
00:28:08,034 --> 00:28:09,862
expecting us
to come down as fast.

511
00:28:10,036 --> 00:28:12,560
They were like scrambling to get
behind barriers to shoot at us.

512
00:28:12,734 --> 00:28:15,650
I remember a guy
with a PKM is, like,

513
00:28:15,824 --> 00:28:17,347
behind these concrete blocks.

514
00:28:17,521 --> 00:28:19,349
And I see him trying
to line up his shot and

515
00:28:19,523 --> 00:28:20,960
I start shooting him.

516
00:28:21,569 --> 00:28:24,224
I just remember my peripheral
vision seeing RPGs flying over

517
00:28:24,398 --> 00:28:26,792
our hood and like,
and we're gunning it.

518
00:28:26,966 --> 00:28:28,489
And then
you hear the squad like,

519
00:28:28,663 --> 00:28:30,317
"Turn around, gun one,
turn around, gun one."

520
00:28:30,491 --> 00:28:31,927
Me, Peter,
was our driver,

521
00:28:32,101 --> 00:28:34,843
when we took
that turn onto Violet,

522
00:28:35,017 --> 00:28:37,019
we're pushing down,
he'd gotten shot.

523
00:28:37,541 --> 00:28:39,413
We didn't know what happened.
He's like, "Ah, my ass hurts.

524
00:28:39,587 --> 00:28:41,720
My ass hurts." And we're like,
"Just keep driving.

525
00:28:41,894 --> 00:28:43,156
Keep driving."
And he's like, "It's on fire.

526
00:28:43,330 --> 00:28:44,635
Is anything on fire?
Am I on fire?"

527
00:28:44,810 --> 00:28:46,376
I'm like, "You're
not on fire, dude."

528
00:28:46,550 --> 00:28:48,204
'Cause I'm back right.
And I see that he's got

529
00:28:48,378 --> 00:28:49,902
blood on his ass.
I'm like, "You got shot.

530
00:28:50,076 --> 00:28:51,642
It must have been
through the firewall.

531
00:28:51,817 --> 00:28:53,514
You're fine. It's not
like spurting or anything.

532
00:28:53,688 --> 00:28:55,124
Just sit on it. You'll be fine."

533
00:28:57,866 --> 00:29:00,651
But like then that squawk box
was like, "Gun one turn around.

534
00:29:00,826 --> 00:29:02,262
Gun one turn around."

535
00:29:02,436 --> 00:29:04,307
And he's like,
"Turn the fuck around.

536
00:29:04,481 --> 00:29:07,049
Turn the fuck around."
And I remember this, like,

537
00:29:07,223 --> 00:29:10,400
almost like a-- it had to
be from like Hollywood movie.

538
00:29:10,574 --> 00:29:12,359
I remember we turned
around and you see the whole

539
00:29:12,533 --> 00:29:14,056
platoon up on route Michigan.

540
00:29:14,230 --> 00:29:16,189
We were the only truck
that had gone down Violet

541
00:29:16,363 --> 00:29:19,192
to fight with these guys.

542
00:29:19,366 --> 00:29:22,543
And then I remember turning
around RPG smack in the road

543
00:29:22,717 --> 00:29:25,285
in front of us and some of
the guys in the other gun trucks

544
00:29:25,459 --> 00:29:27,940
and the other trucks were like,
"Dude, I just remember you guys

545
00:29:28,114 --> 00:29:30,943
disappearing behind
clouds were like RPG explosions.

546
00:29:31,117 --> 00:29:32,727
And then
driving through it, like,

547
00:29:32,901 --> 00:29:34,337
it was like a Hollywood movie."

548
00:29:34,511 --> 00:29:36,426
Like us coming through
the smoke clearing

549
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:38,646
still in one tack,
you know, like in one piece.

550
00:29:38,820 --> 00:29:42,302
And we're just, you know,
firing our way down Violet.

551
00:29:42,476 --> 00:29:45,958
And so we link back up
with a platoon on Michigan and

552
00:29:46,132 --> 00:29:47,742
the platoon
commander's like, "Hey--"

553
00:29:47,916 --> 00:29:49,309
Glover's like, "Hey,
we're gonna call for tanks.

554
00:29:49,483 --> 00:29:50,789
We're gonna go
down there and clear it.

555
00:29:50,963 --> 00:29:52,660
Don't do that again."
[laughing]

556
00:29:52,834 --> 00:29:55,315
And so he calls up
tanks and tanks come up finally.

557
00:29:55,489 --> 00:29:57,230
They're so slow.
And they're like, so...

558
00:29:57,708 --> 00:29:59,145
I'm like,
"You guys are an armored tank.

559
00:29:59,319 --> 00:30:01,669
We have nothing
here and we're fighting."

560
00:30:02,626 --> 00:30:04,846
We call the tanks up.
And then we start pushing down.

561
00:30:05,020 --> 00:30:09,242
And now what's gonna
happen is we were, you know,

562
00:30:09,416 --> 00:30:11,374
we were on this side
of the city in Fallujah.

563
00:30:11,548 --> 00:30:15,248
We had now taken up to Michigan
and now we had to clear West.

564
00:30:15,422 --> 00:30:17,685
So Alpha and Bravo
company now had to start

565
00:30:17,859 --> 00:30:20,470
clearing west of all
the ground we had just

566
00:30:20,644 --> 00:30:23,212
taken on Michigan so
our flank wasn't exposed.

567
00:30:23,865 --> 00:30:26,737
And so they start clearing
and we push down Violet to do

568
00:30:26,912 --> 00:30:28,914
a blocking
position to hold Violet.

569
00:30:29,088 --> 00:30:30,480
And it's pretty kinetic.
There's fighting,

570
00:30:30,654 --> 00:30:32,178
our tanks are shooting
its main cannon,

571
00:30:32,352 --> 00:30:33,440
and stuff like that.

572
00:30:33,614 --> 00:30:34,963
[loud blast]

573
00:30:38,488 --> 00:30:39,968
WADE: And we're like,
"Hey, [indistinct].

574
00:30:40,142 --> 00:30:42,101
He-- you know,
he's good for now.

575
00:30:42,275 --> 00:30:44,451
He's sitting on the wound,
but he'll need to be medevac'd."

576
00:30:44,625 --> 00:30:48,020
So we hold the line for
like maybe an hour or two before

577
00:30:48,194 --> 00:30:49,978
Alpha and Bravo come
we can finish clearing

578
00:30:50,152 --> 00:30:51,806
all the buildings
that are south of us...

579
00:30:51,980 --> 00:30:54,722
[gunfire]

580
00:30:55,984 --> 00:30:57,725
...of bad guys so they can take

581
00:30:57,899 --> 00:30:59,770
this now new position.

582
00:30:59,945 --> 00:31:01,424
And that's our,
you know, line of--

583
00:31:01,598 --> 00:31:03,949
anybody in front of that,
bad guys. Kill 'em.

584
00:31:04,688 --> 00:31:06,255
MAN: All right, let's
watch each other's back, baby.

585
00:31:06,429 --> 00:31:07,648
Watch each other's back.

586
00:31:07,822 --> 00:31:11,478
- Go! Go!
- [indistinct shouting]

587
00:31:12,218 --> 00:31:13,828
Roof is clear.
We got roof.

588
00:31:16,352 --> 00:31:18,398
WADE: Yeah,
that was a crazy day.

589
00:31:19,225 --> 00:31:21,357
It got pretty kinetic
real fast.

590
00:31:22,706 --> 00:31:25,753
[pensive music]

591
00:31:43,814 --> 00:31:45,120
OMAR: So later on that day,

592
00:31:45,294 --> 00:31:47,122
we made another movement.

593
00:31:49,211 --> 00:31:54,477
And that's
whenever I got injured.

594
00:31:54,956 --> 00:31:58,133
My weapon squad
leader was shot in the head.

595
00:31:58,307 --> 00:31:59,961
[gunfire]

596
00:32:00,135 --> 00:32:05,184
And I went to
try and retrieve him so that my

597
00:32:05,358 --> 00:32:09,492
medic and I can work
on him and I can call it in.

598
00:32:10,232 --> 00:32:13,540
And as I was dragging him,

599
00:32:13,714 --> 00:32:15,977
the ground
collapsed underneath us.

600
00:32:16,456 --> 00:32:20,286
And we fell roughly 50, 60 foot

601
00:32:20,460 --> 00:32:23,680
into a [indistinct]
into a hole.

602
00:32:25,900 --> 00:32:32,472
♪♪♪

603
00:32:33,777 --> 00:32:35,475
You couldn't tell
there was anything there.

604
00:32:35,649 --> 00:32:38,826
Like it was covered up,
camouflaged so, so good.

605
00:32:40,697 --> 00:32:44,353
So good even
that the weapon squad

606
00:32:44,527 --> 00:32:49,097
was posted
up almost on top of it.

607
00:32:50,055 --> 00:32:53,449
And there was a small
little berm that I wanted

608
00:32:53,623 --> 00:32:58,846
to get my weapon squad
leader behind so it could

609
00:32:59,020 --> 00:33:01,066
provide us some sort
of cover or something.

610
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:02,937
'Cause there were
still rounds coming in.

611
00:33:03,590 --> 00:33:06,723
And as I was dragging him,
I can remember, like,

612
00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:15,167
the rounds coming in
around us like a cookie cutter.

613
00:33:16,168 --> 00:33:20,346
They were just
landing around us,

614
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:23,131
but not hitting us,
thank God.

615
00:33:23,305 --> 00:33:27,527
And I remember that there
was another guy that was shot

616
00:33:27,701 --> 00:33:29,833
as well, through the femur.

617
00:33:32,749 --> 00:33:36,797
And again, it was three injured.

618
00:33:38,712 --> 00:33:40,931
I think I remember
exactly what I was thinking.

619
00:33:44,674 --> 00:33:47,677
I was thinking like,
man, it's gonna be, you know,

620
00:33:47,851 --> 00:33:49,723
booby traps, it's
gonna be some punchy sticks.

621
00:33:51,159 --> 00:33:52,813
[exhales]

622
00:33:52,987 --> 00:33:55,076
And everything with
me seems like forever, right?

623
00:33:55,250 --> 00:33:57,948
Like when we fell,
I just, I felt like I was

624
00:33:58,123 --> 00:33:59,385
falling for an eternity.

625
00:33:59,863 --> 00:34:02,866
Like I had
time to think about, man,

626
00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:04,129
there's alligators in there.

627
00:34:04,303 --> 00:34:07,958
There's explosives down there.

628
00:34:08,133 --> 00:34:09,525
There's-- you know,

629
00:34:10,265 --> 00:34:11,788
any type of
scenario that you can

630
00:34:11,962 --> 00:34:13,964
possibly think of
probably went through my

631
00:34:14,139 --> 00:34:17,403
head at that time
just thinking about it.

632
00:34:17,968 --> 00:34:21,320
And I remember
hitting the ground and just

633
00:34:21,494 --> 00:34:25,846
instantly feeling
an enormous amount of pain.

634
00:34:26,325 --> 00:34:30,111
And soon as I hit the ground,
my weapon squad leader

635
00:34:30,285 --> 00:34:31,634
landed on top of me.

636
00:34:32,722 --> 00:34:37,031
And so I had not only my
weight but his on top of mine.

637
00:34:38,554 --> 00:34:45,344
♪♪♪

638
00:34:50,088 --> 00:34:53,308
We could barely,
barely fit in there.

639
00:34:53,482 --> 00:34:57,965
And I remember having
to call up and let the guys

640
00:34:58,139 --> 00:35:00,010
know that we were in there.

641
00:35:00,185 --> 00:35:05,755
They seen us fall and I remember
having to assess Bouchard's

642
00:35:05,929 --> 00:35:09,194
injuries, having to see
if he was alive, if he was okay.

643
00:35:09,368 --> 00:35:11,413
But I guess with all the pain,

644
00:35:11,587 --> 00:35:14,938
we were both in
and out of consciousness.

645
00:35:17,811 --> 00:35:20,509
[brooding music]

646
00:35:41,443 --> 00:35:44,751
OMAR: I fell straight down.

647
00:35:44,925 --> 00:35:47,188
I felt like I hit so hard.

648
00:35:48,537 --> 00:35:51,279
And maybe, you know,
you talking about close to

649
00:35:51,453 --> 00:35:57,198
500 pounds of
meat and gear impacting.

650
00:35:58,547 --> 00:36:00,332
My fib, tibs broke.

651
00:36:00,506 --> 00:36:04,379
I have so much hardware
in there right now and they had

652
00:36:04,553 --> 00:36:08,688
to split my-- my legs
open in order to save them.

653
00:36:09,950 --> 00:36:12,344
'Cause there was a possibility
that I would lose them.

654
00:36:13,954 --> 00:36:19,699
We were in that hole
for roughly two hours.

655
00:36:28,403 --> 00:36:30,579
JOHN: And so
we secured that site.

656
00:36:32,364 --> 00:36:35,845
I had Saddam's
revenge that night, again.

657
00:36:43,462 --> 00:36:44,811
WADE: So I stayed
up on the turret

658
00:36:44,985 --> 00:36:46,378
the whole night
for my truck.

659
00:36:46,552 --> 00:36:47,988
'Cause I was like,
"I can't sleep.

660
00:36:48,162 --> 00:36:49,642
I'm puking shitting myself,
so it'll be fun."

661
00:36:51,731 --> 00:36:53,515
- [loud blast]
- WADE: And I remember the first

662
00:36:53,689 --> 00:36:55,996
mortars that came in
and they hit and it was

663
00:36:56,170 --> 00:36:57,824
early light,
like just first light.

664
00:36:57,998 --> 00:37:00,609
They weren't near us,
but we're like,

665
00:37:00,783 --> 00:37:02,742
"Hey, sir, I think
we're getting bracketed."

666
00:37:02,916 --> 00:37:04,787
Bracketing is when
you shoot a mortar and

667
00:37:04,961 --> 00:37:06,920
you sort of adjust
and you shoot again.

668
00:37:07,094 --> 00:37:09,662
Kinda-- okay,
now where are we going?

669
00:37:10,967 --> 00:37:12,360
[loud blast]

670
00:37:12,752 --> 00:37:14,275
WADE: So the two commander's
like, "Hey, yeah,

671
00:37:14,449 --> 00:37:15,711
let's mount up.
Let's start moving

672
00:37:15,885 --> 00:37:17,365
our gun truck positions.

673
00:37:17,539 --> 00:37:19,672
Let's move." And as
we're doing that a mortar

674
00:37:19,846 --> 00:37:21,891
lands in between
our truck and the high back,

675
00:37:22,065 --> 00:37:23,850
which the high back
has no arm in the back.

676
00:37:24,024 --> 00:37:26,548
It's literally an open,
like, bench seat.

677
00:37:26,722 --> 00:37:28,071
And guys are just
hanging out there and

678
00:37:28,246 --> 00:37:29,334
they get pepper shot and all.

679
00:37:29,508 --> 00:37:31,205
So then now we have casualties.

680
00:37:31,379 --> 00:37:33,207
So Lieutenant Glover's like,
"Hey, we're gonna have

681
00:37:33,381 --> 00:37:34,600
to call this one out.

682
00:37:34,774 --> 00:37:36,123
We're gonna have to bounce.

683
00:37:36,297 --> 00:37:37,429
We're not gonna
hold this position."

684
00:37:38,038 --> 00:37:40,170
'Cause what we were
gonna have to do was hold

685
00:37:40,345 --> 00:37:41,563
that position
until they could get

686
00:37:41,737 --> 00:37:43,696
like a wrecking crew out there

687
00:37:43,870 --> 00:37:47,961
with a big 18-wheeler
flatbed truck that they--

688
00:37:48,135 --> 00:37:50,746
with a crane, that could pick
that [indistinct] put it on

689
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:53,009
this truck thing and
then haul it out of there.

690
00:37:53,183 --> 00:37:55,273
That's got like two or
three days' worth of sitting

691
00:37:55,447 --> 00:37:57,144
around in the desert
waiting for that to happen.

692
00:37:58,450 --> 00:38:02,671
And we had a similar
mission later on that sucked.

693
00:38:04,412 --> 00:38:06,066
So he's like, "Hey,
we're gonna call it in.

694
00:38:06,240 --> 00:38:07,850
They're gonna have
to blow it in place.

695
00:38:08,024 --> 00:38:09,983
They're gonna have to
drop a JDAM on it or something."

696
00:38:10,462 --> 00:38:11,985
Just 'cause we have casualties.

697
00:38:12,159 --> 00:38:14,596
And as we get together
and we start pushing down

698
00:38:14,770 --> 00:38:17,251
out on this road,

699
00:38:17,425 --> 00:38:20,472
we take this road and that's
when the real ambush happens.

700
00:38:20,646 --> 00:38:23,126
We're in this road
that's literally lined

701
00:38:23,301 --> 00:38:24,737
up with just reeds.

702
00:38:25,477 --> 00:38:27,957
Deep, deep, deep gullies
and reeds 'cause it's farmland.

703
00:38:28,131 --> 00:38:29,872
So they have
this natural defense

704
00:38:30,046 --> 00:38:33,136
that they can hide in and
they just start chewing us up.

705
00:38:34,007 --> 00:38:35,878
And we're pushing
north through this town,

706
00:38:36,052 --> 00:38:37,227
this little itty bitty town.

707
00:38:37,402 --> 00:38:38,664
And it's bad folks in there too.

708
00:38:38,838 --> 00:38:40,143
They're waiting for us,

709
00:38:40,318 --> 00:38:41,884
RPGs, all that sort of stuff.

710
00:38:42,058 --> 00:38:43,408
And we fight
our way through that.

711
00:38:44,322 --> 00:38:47,325
Somehow in the firefight,
our crypto and our radio gets

712
00:38:47,499 --> 00:38:49,065
kicked and it drops.

713
00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:51,633
So we're only able to
talk on unsecured comms

714
00:38:51,807 --> 00:38:53,548
to the other trucks.

715
00:38:53,722 --> 00:38:58,423
And the rest of its-- our
private channel's just garbage.

716
00:38:58,597 --> 00:39:00,599
We can't communicate
with the rest of the platoon.

717
00:39:00,773 --> 00:39:02,601
But anyways,
so I think we have to

718
00:39:02,775 --> 00:39:05,125
fall back in and let
someone else take lead.

719
00:39:05,299 --> 00:39:06,953
And the whole goal is
to get to the cloverleaf.

720
00:39:07,127 --> 00:39:08,215
That's casualty
collections point.

721
00:39:08,389 --> 00:39:09,434
And we're a few clicks away.

722
00:39:09,608 --> 00:39:11,087
We're like 20 minutes away.

723
00:39:11,261 --> 00:39:13,829
As we're driving
through that firefight,

724
00:39:14,874 --> 00:39:17,964
Boye is in one gun truck
and he's in a high back,

725
00:39:18,138 --> 00:39:22,185
but he's on a mounted-- he has
his light machine gun saw.

726
00:39:22,664 --> 00:39:24,710
[brooding music]

727
00:39:25,188 --> 00:39:27,277
WADE: So he's on
the top of that Humvee,

728
00:39:27,452 --> 00:39:29,236
basically pretty exposed,
shooting.

729
00:39:29,410 --> 00:39:35,068
And an RPG hits and hits
his leg and cuts

730
00:39:35,242 --> 00:39:36,722
his femoral artery,
I believe.

731
00:39:36,896 --> 00:39:38,898
And he dies that day.

732
00:39:40,247 --> 00:39:46,949
♪♪♪

733
00:39:47,733 --> 00:39:49,299
WADE: He fought
through that ambush.

734
00:39:49,474 --> 00:39:51,954
I'm sicker than
hell at Saddam's revenge.

735
00:39:52,781 --> 00:39:54,479
So I'm, like, totally,
like, just beasted out on me,

736
00:39:54,653 --> 00:39:56,002
like nothing in me.

737
00:39:56,176 --> 00:39:57,917
I'd fired all my rounds.

738
00:39:58,091 --> 00:39:59,962
I had like 14 or 16 magazines.

739
00:40:00,136 --> 00:40:01,311
I'd gone through all my ammo.

740
00:40:01,486 --> 00:40:02,965
We fought in that fire really.

741
00:40:03,139 --> 00:40:05,968
And we get to
the cloverleaf and we give

742
00:40:06,142 --> 00:40:07,796
Boye to the medics.

743
00:40:07,970 --> 00:40:09,319
And they're trying
to do the resuscitation.

744
00:40:09,885 --> 00:40:11,452
I didn't really observe.

745
00:40:11,626 --> 00:40:13,280
I was away from
that looking at other things.

746
00:40:14,150 --> 00:40:18,154
And then we go from
the cloverleaf back to our soda

747
00:40:18,328 --> 00:40:20,940
factory where we're
sort of staging our operations

748
00:40:21,114 --> 00:40:23,203
and all of our trucks
have like a lot of damage.

749
00:40:23,377 --> 00:40:24,813
So the mechanics are
working on our trucks to

750
00:40:24,987 --> 00:40:26,293
keep us operational.

751
00:40:28,426 --> 00:40:31,298
And that's
when Lieutenant Glover...

752
00:40:34,562 --> 00:40:36,956
[somber music]

753
00:40:42,527 --> 00:40:44,311
...he called us together,

754
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:46,356
let us know Boye didn't make it.

755
00:40:49,055 --> 00:40:55,888
♪♪♪

756
00:41:04,287 --> 00:41:07,856
The day was still
young and we were still QRF.

757
00:41:08,683 --> 00:41:13,383
And I think it was
Charlie Company's AAV,

758
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:15,560
it might have been Bravos.

759
00:41:15,734 --> 00:41:19,564
One of them they had
pushed past Violet.

760
00:41:19,738 --> 00:41:23,089
They were doing like a little
patrol mission and their AAV,

761
00:41:23,263 --> 00:41:25,918
I think got disoriented or
whatever and it went past Violet

762
00:41:26,092 --> 00:41:30,183
and it got ambushed
and got mobility kill.

763
00:41:30,357 --> 00:41:32,315
The driver,
he got hit with a couple RPGs.

764
00:41:32,490 --> 00:41:34,013
The driver was killed instantly.

765
00:41:34,187 --> 00:41:37,059
The lieutenant and
the platoon commander

766
00:41:37,233 --> 00:41:41,324
had a, basically, RPG
that was like a armor piercing.

767
00:41:41,499 --> 00:41:44,327
So it basically turns into
liquid hot copper and burns.

768
00:41:44,502 --> 00:41:46,068
He had gotten
a critical hit through his leg.

769
00:41:46,242 --> 00:41:48,157
Luckily it cauterized his wound

770
00:41:48,331 --> 00:41:50,508
so he didn't bleed to death,
but he was done-zo.

771
00:41:51,073 --> 00:41:54,337
So his guys got out
and took over a building

772
00:41:54,512 --> 00:41:57,384
next to them where
the AAV was immobilized.

773
00:41:59,604 --> 00:42:01,344
[gunfire]

774
00:42:05,523 --> 00:42:07,176
And then
they were getting overrun.

775
00:42:07,350 --> 00:42:09,570
And so we as QRF
have to spool up

776
00:42:09,744 --> 00:42:12,051
and we go in there
to try and get 'em out.

777
00:42:12,617 --> 00:42:15,489
We get out to that location
and it is very kinetic.

778
00:42:15,663 --> 00:42:17,273
It's a hornet's nest.

779
00:42:17,447 --> 00:42:18,579
They're trying
to overrun those 'cause it's--

780
00:42:18,753 --> 00:42:20,189
they want
that AAV for propaganda.

781
00:42:20,363 --> 00:42:21,669
They wanna
kill that platoon

782
00:42:21,843 --> 00:42:24,063
and get shown
on Al Jazeera news.

783
00:42:24,977 --> 00:42:27,893
And so Glover calls up
the Abrams tanks

784
00:42:28,458 --> 00:42:30,548
and is like, "Hey, you guys are
towing this thing outta here.

785
00:42:30,722 --> 00:42:34,160
Figure out how to rig
this thing for tow

786
00:42:34,334 --> 00:42:36,162
but you're
towing it out there."

787
00:42:36,336 --> 00:42:38,425
And I just remember hearing
like the Abrams tanks guys

788
00:42:38,599 --> 00:42:40,906
were like, "Well, it's getting
dark." So he is like...

789
00:42:42,168 --> 00:42:43,952
He's like, "We're out here.
You're in an armored vehicle.

790
00:42:44,126 --> 00:42:45,563
I don't wanna hear it.
You're rigging this thing

791
00:42:45,737 --> 00:42:47,608
for tow and you're
pulling it out here.

792
00:42:47,782 --> 00:42:49,610
It's not gonna be used.
There's a dead marine in here.

793
00:42:49,784 --> 00:42:51,177
You're not leaving him."

794
00:42:51,351 --> 00:42:52,700
And so we were
holding down the position

795
00:42:52,874 --> 00:42:54,223
and I think
it became too dangerous

796
00:42:54,397 --> 00:42:55,747
for our Humvees
'cause we had an RPG

797
00:42:55,921 --> 00:42:57,531
hit under
our vehicle and blow us up.

798
00:42:59,359 --> 00:43:00,795
And we were
all sitting there and quiet

799
00:43:00,969 --> 00:43:02,797
and like,
"Nobody's injured. Nobody's--

800
00:43:02,971 --> 00:43:06,975
And Lieutenant Glover's like,
"Hey, pull the Humvees back

801
00:43:07,149 --> 00:43:09,195
and just
hang out this phase line

802
00:43:09,369 --> 00:43:11,197
and we'll come
to you and pull this out."

803
00:43:11,763 --> 00:43:14,809
So we got the AAV
outta there that night.

804
00:43:14,983 --> 00:43:16,811
And it was a long day.

805
00:43:17,333 --> 00:43:21,816
In between Boye's
death and, you know,

806
00:43:21,990 --> 00:43:25,907
us responding to that
QRF call, I had been, like,

807
00:43:26,081 --> 00:43:27,779
given a bunch of IVs
'cause I was just done.

808
00:43:27,953 --> 00:43:29,781
The medic--
the Corman was like, "Hey,

809
00:43:29,955 --> 00:43:31,478
you need some liquids."

810
00:43:31,652 --> 00:43:33,567
And so they've put me
like four or five bags

811
00:43:33,741 --> 00:43:35,743
of IV and I was
still barely hanging on.

812
00:43:35,917 --> 00:43:38,616
I was real sick.
That was a long day.

813
00:43:38,790 --> 00:43:40,705
That was a tough one.

814
00:43:42,532 --> 00:43:46,101
You know, but I think
what shown was the leadership

815
00:43:46,275 --> 00:43:48,626
of my platoon commander
and he was like,

816
00:43:49,322 --> 00:43:50,802
"We can sit around
and wallow about it

817
00:43:50,976 --> 00:43:52,804
or we can
continue our job."

818
00:43:52,978 --> 00:43:55,197
And I think that was the best
thing for the platoon, you know.

819
00:43:57,852 --> 00:44:01,508
Boye's death really affected
the platoon I know that.

820
00:44:01,682 --> 00:44:03,858
Universally loved, you know.

821
00:44:04,424 --> 00:44:06,861
I remember
in Okinawa he'd gotten

822
00:44:07,035 --> 00:44:08,776
in a drinking incident
and we were only there

823
00:44:08,950 --> 00:44:11,257
for like three months,
but they have this unique thing

824
00:44:11,431 --> 00:44:14,564
in Okinawa called CCU,
Correctional Custody Unit.

825
00:44:14,739 --> 00:44:16,175
And he'd gotten
sent there because he'd gotten

826
00:44:16,349 --> 00:44:18,525
another NJP
busted down a rank.

827
00:44:18,699 --> 00:44:21,615
And in CCU what they do
is they take small rocks

828
00:44:21,789 --> 00:44:22,964
and make 'em
into smaller rocks

829
00:44:23,138 --> 00:44:24,357
and move those smaller rocks

830
00:44:24,531 --> 00:44:26,315
across
the parade deck in bags.

831
00:44:26,489 --> 00:44:28,056
Like, that's all they do.

832
00:44:28,230 --> 00:44:29,710
Then they'll move
the other rocks and break 'em

833
00:44:29,884 --> 00:44:31,233
with hammers,
make 'em smaller,

834
00:44:31,407 --> 00:44:32,670
put 'em in sandbags,
and bring 'em up.

835
00:44:32,844 --> 00:44:34,628
That's their days of activities.

836
00:44:34,802 --> 00:44:36,238
And they march
around like bootcamp

837
00:44:36,412 --> 00:44:39,633
and it's like
real crappy to be at CCU.

838
00:44:39,807 --> 00:44:41,548
I remember he being
lunched in the chow hall,

839
00:44:41,722 --> 00:44:42,897
and we were
already combat vets,

840
00:44:43,071 --> 00:44:44,725
and we'd make fun
of like the MPs

841
00:44:44,899 --> 00:44:47,249
that were guarding and
we'd get him in so much trouble.

842
00:44:47,423 --> 00:44:51,471
[laughing] We would
just talk to his guards

843
00:44:51,645 --> 00:44:54,256
tell 'em they're, you know,
pussies, pogues, you know.

844
00:44:54,648 --> 00:44:56,302
And they would
just take it out on Boye.

845
00:44:56,476 --> 00:45:01,220
[laughing] But, yeah,
Boye was just loved, you know.

846
00:45:01,394 --> 00:45:04,440
He could sing,
he could sing his ass off.

847
00:45:04,614 --> 00:45:05,833
Dude could play a guitar.

848
00:45:06,007 --> 00:45:08,575
[somber music]

849
00:45:33,339 --> 00:45:35,384
Sparsky,
this is when Sparsky

850
00:45:35,558 --> 00:45:37,386
really started
to shine as a sergeant.

851
00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:40,128
You know,
cold as ice on the comms,

852
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:42,304
not freaking out
when we're in an ambush,

853
00:45:42,478 --> 00:45:44,959
just being like, "Yeah,
contact, right," blah, blah.

854
00:45:45,133 --> 00:45:46,961
Just like monotone.

855
00:45:47,135 --> 00:45:48,354
Like, I don't know.

856
00:45:48,528 --> 00:45:50,051
I'm behind him,
but it's like...

857
00:45:51,531 --> 00:45:53,446
I'm shooting and shouting.

858
00:45:53,620 --> 00:45:55,709
You know,
like at some points

859
00:45:55,883 --> 00:45:58,190
it's pure terror
in those ambushes.

860
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:01,410
And it's a miracle, like...

861
00:46:02,455 --> 00:46:04,413
I mean, our Humvee
was riddled with holes.

862
00:46:04,587 --> 00:46:06,676
We had RPG blasts
in it, we had--

863
00:46:07,416 --> 00:46:09,027
It was amazing
how that truck looked

864
00:46:09,201 --> 00:46:11,507
at the end
'til it got blown up.

865
00:46:11,812 --> 00:46:14,510
But yeah, Fallujah
then the sad thing was is,

866
00:46:14,684 --> 00:46:17,731
you know, after that day,
a couple weeks, days later,

867
00:46:17,905 --> 00:46:20,212
maybe a couple days
they came and told us

868
00:46:20,386 --> 00:46:23,215
that we were
pulling out of Fallujah.

869
00:46:23,389 --> 00:46:26,479
[tense music]

870
00:46:30,483 --> 00:46:31,440
MAN: Whoa.

871
00:46:31,614 --> 00:46:37,751
♪♪♪

872
00:46:59,512 --> 00:47:02,645
And that really,
really was a gut punch,

873
00:47:02,820 --> 00:47:05,300
because like,
we had taken all this territory.

874
00:47:05,474 --> 00:47:07,215
We were, you know,
a quarter way through the city.

875
00:47:07,389 --> 00:47:09,043
We were gonna finish the city.

876
00:47:09,217 --> 00:47:11,785
We had the momentum.
We had 'em on their ass.

877
00:47:12,351 --> 00:47:14,788
They'd politically been
trying to delay our offensive.

878
00:47:14,962 --> 00:47:16,746
That's why we had
a halt in operations at Violet.

879
00:47:16,921 --> 00:47:18,531
We couldn't go any further.
They didn't want us--

880
00:47:18,705 --> 00:47:20,141
They had done
a political agreement.

881
00:47:20,315 --> 00:47:21,926
And our snipers
were killing these guys.

882
00:47:22,100 --> 00:47:25,146
I mean, we were just--
we had 'em on the run.

883
00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:27,105
We were gonna
take that city.

884
00:47:27,279 --> 00:47:29,455
and politics
came in and squashed it.

885
00:47:29,629 --> 00:47:31,892
And, like,
had us walk, you know,

886
00:47:32,066 --> 00:47:33,241
basically,
they pull outta the city

887
00:47:33,415 --> 00:47:36,375
with these like Iraqi army units

888
00:47:36,549 --> 00:47:38,943
that didn't know which side
of the gun to look at

889
00:47:39,117 --> 00:47:41,336
to shoot, you know,
take over our positions.

890
00:47:41,510 --> 00:47:43,861
And like, of course,
they were hand in hand

891
00:47:44,035 --> 00:47:46,907
with the insurgents.

892
00:47:47,865 --> 00:47:49,562
We'd spend a month in Fallujah.

893
00:47:49,736 --> 00:47:53,131
And to have that sort
of taken from us was really--

894
00:47:53,305 --> 00:47:57,265
it eats at me today,
you know, 'cause three, five

895
00:47:57,439 --> 00:47:59,093
and all those other units
we had go in there

896
00:47:59,267 --> 00:48:00,878
in November
shouldn't have had to.

897
00:48:01,052 --> 00:48:02,880
We could have finished
it and been done with it.

898
00:48:04,403 --> 00:48:08,973
So yeah, that's something that
always eats at me to this day.

899
00:48:17,938 --> 00:48:21,724
I decided to do this because
I got tired of losing people.

900
00:48:22,508 --> 00:48:26,860
I mean, I got out around 2013,
I separated from the service.

901
00:48:27,687 --> 00:48:29,732
And I'm probably
averaging

902
00:48:29,907 --> 00:48:32,561
around six to seven people,
or at least one a year.

903
00:48:33,432 --> 00:48:36,652
And I think I just got
tired of losing people, man.

904
00:48:36,826 --> 00:48:40,178
It's one thing to put money
towards the charity or,

905
00:48:41,005 --> 00:48:43,355
you know, say I, you know,
I support veteran suicide,

906
00:48:43,529 --> 00:48:45,183
or I wear a bracelet for 22,

907
00:48:45,357 --> 00:48:47,272
you know, veterans
the day that commit suicide.

908
00:48:47,446 --> 00:48:48,969
But I wanted
to do something

909
00:48:49,143 --> 00:48:51,667
and it kills me
that I can't be everywhere.

910
00:48:51,841 --> 00:48:55,758
So I hope that this film is
some sort of force multiplier,

911
00:48:55,933 --> 00:48:57,151
what we call it
in the military

912
00:48:57,630 --> 00:48:58,892
to help veterans know, like,

913
00:48:59,066 --> 00:49:00,546
"Hey, man,
you're not the only one.

914
00:49:00,720 --> 00:49:02,069
It's okay."

915
00:49:02,243 --> 00:49:03,853
And then also
to bring awareness

916
00:49:04,028 --> 00:49:06,595
to the general public
that it's not always PTSD.

917
00:49:06,769 --> 00:49:08,728
It may not be
this thing or that thing,

918
00:49:08,902 --> 00:49:10,730
but they're struggling
with something.

919
00:49:10,904 --> 00:49:12,993
And just recognize
that and just understand that

920
00:49:13,167 --> 00:49:15,430
one veteran
is okay, you know.

921
00:49:15,604 --> 00:49:16,736
Fucking ask for help.

922
00:49:17,389 --> 00:49:19,913
Sergeant Kershaw,
you know, needs help sometimes.

923
00:49:20,087 --> 00:49:21,306
Sergeant Hernandez need help.

924
00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:22,960
Sergeant Span.

925
00:49:23,134 --> 00:49:24,439
You know, Sergeant Gomez
or Specialist Gomez,

926
00:49:24,613 --> 00:49:26,615
or whatever it is,
it's okay, man.

927
00:49:26,789 --> 00:49:28,269
You know, we got your back.

928
00:49:28,443 --> 00:49:30,706
It's not-- And again,
like I'm sitting up here

929
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:34,145
talking like it's fucking easy
before you ask me that question.

930
00:49:34,406 --> 00:49:36,190
It's not.

931
00:49:36,364 --> 00:49:39,541
There's no pill, no matter
what the VA prescribes you,

932
00:49:40,586 --> 00:49:42,327
it's always gonna be there.

933
00:49:42,501 --> 00:49:44,111
You're changed forever.
You just gotta deal with it.

934
00:49:44,285 --> 00:49:45,895
You gotta surround
yourself around people

935
00:49:46,070 --> 00:49:47,897
that make you know,
like, hey,

936
00:49:48,072 --> 00:49:50,074
you're not the only one going
through it, you can beat it.

937
00:49:50,248 --> 00:49:52,511
It's like an ongoing battle,
right? It's--

938
00:49:53,816 --> 00:49:56,471
I don't think I've beaten it,
but I've gotten better.

939
00:49:57,081 --> 00:49:59,474
That thing starts
crawling up my back again.

940
00:49:59,648 --> 00:50:02,260
Like I know how to deal with it.

941
00:50:02,695 --> 00:50:04,131
And everyone
deals it their own way.

942
00:50:04,305 --> 00:50:05,959
I know how to deal with it.
But my daughter,

943
00:50:06,133 --> 00:50:08,005
because at the time
my son wasn't born.

944
00:50:08,788 --> 00:50:11,921
And I remember...

945
00:50:13,662 --> 00:50:15,012
like my wife would--

946
00:50:15,186 --> 00:50:16,665
so the kind
of like the battle rhythm

947
00:50:16,839 --> 00:50:18,711
we had every day was--
and granted,

948
00:50:19,103 --> 00:50:21,148
if you were to look
at me outside of everybody,

949
00:50:21,322 --> 00:50:23,324
like if you were
to look at me like in a box

950
00:50:23,498 --> 00:50:26,153
of like,
how is his transition going?

951
00:50:26,762 --> 00:50:29,243
I think you would probably
think I was doing okay.

952
00:50:29,417 --> 00:50:32,855
I work for a major company,
doing well.

953
00:50:34,683 --> 00:50:36,642
But that shit
doesn't matter to me.

954
00:50:37,338 --> 00:50:39,645
And I was chasing something.

955
00:50:39,819 --> 00:50:43,040
I think I fell
into that purpose, community,

956
00:50:43,214 --> 00:50:45,390
and identity bucket personally.

957
00:50:45,738 --> 00:50:48,741
And it didn't hit me
'til five years later.

958
00:50:49,481 --> 00:50:52,310
And I can remember
the battle rhythm we had was,

959
00:50:52,484 --> 00:50:55,878
I would always take Camilla
to school, no matter what.

960
00:50:56,053 --> 00:50:58,055
That was my thing.
Daddy took her to school.

961
00:50:58,751 --> 00:51:01,188
And I worked,
I drop her off, go into work,

962
00:51:01,362 --> 00:51:03,408
travel, do whatever,
go to DC, do some meetings,

963
00:51:03,886 --> 00:51:06,150
come back, and then, you know,
if I could pick her up

964
00:51:06,324 --> 00:51:07,803
for the most part,
I picked her up.

965
00:51:08,282 --> 00:51:09,501
And then we got home.

966
00:51:09,675 --> 00:51:11,633
Joanna,
my wife, kinda took over.

967
00:51:11,807 --> 00:51:13,722
Like she was, you know,
the one that was really good

968
00:51:13,896 --> 00:51:15,681
at putting her to bed because
she wasn't a good sleeper.

969
00:51:15,855 --> 00:51:17,552
She would do that.
She was the nurturing one.

970
00:51:17,726 --> 00:51:20,468
So I had
this dead space of like,

971
00:51:20,642 --> 00:51:22,731
from 7:30, and I didn't
go to bed 'til like 2:00

972
00:51:22,905 --> 00:51:26,996
every night of just like,
up in my own thoughts.

973
00:51:28,433 --> 00:51:30,391
And around 2019,
I would just sit there

974
00:51:30,565 --> 00:51:32,306
and stare
at a fucking blank TV screen.

975
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:33,960
And I couldn't understand it.

976
00:51:34,134 --> 00:51:36,963
If I could
explain it visually,

977
00:51:37,616 --> 00:51:39,183
and this is what
I tell the other veterans

978
00:51:39,357 --> 00:51:41,750
when I'm explaining it,
is like, it feels like

979
00:51:42,751 --> 00:51:45,841
if you could look at my body
and something would represent

980
00:51:46,015 --> 00:51:49,410
like that feeling,
it feels like black tar.

981
00:51:50,194 --> 00:51:54,154
Is like slowly creeping up
and you're trying internally

982
00:51:54,328 --> 00:51:56,591
in your head to fight
that motherfucker off.

983
00:51:56,765 --> 00:51:59,028
And then you're just like,
"What the fuck? What the fuck?"

984
00:51:59,203 --> 00:52:02,510
And then, you know,
it creeps up there,

985
00:52:02,684 --> 00:52:04,773
and then you're just
super fucking depressed

986
00:52:04,947 --> 00:52:06,906
and angry
and you can't figure out why,

987
00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:09,126
you don't think anyone
fucking understands you.

988
00:52:09,865 --> 00:52:11,650
All of us have fucking guns.

989
00:52:12,825 --> 00:52:15,915
So you're fighting to, you know,
to not make yourself a target,

990
00:52:16,263 --> 00:52:17,960
a 50-meter target, right?

991
00:52:18,483 --> 00:52:20,615
You know, your closest threat.

992
00:52:20,789 --> 00:52:23,096
And for me, my purpose

993
00:52:23,270 --> 00:52:26,186
and who saved me
was my daughter.

994
00:52:26,534 --> 00:52:29,624
'Cause I couldn't imagine--
And it was bad.

995
00:52:29,798 --> 00:52:31,931
And I couldn't
imagine her waking up

996
00:52:32,453 --> 00:52:34,194
and seeing me like that.

997
00:52:34,716 --> 00:52:36,631
And more importantly,
this may sound weird,

998
00:52:36,805 --> 00:52:39,330
in my head, I was like, "Fuck,
who's gonna take her to school?

999
00:52:40,069 --> 00:52:41,201
She's gotta get to school.

1000
00:52:41,723 --> 00:52:43,464
She counts on Daddy
to get her to school."

1001
00:52:43,638 --> 00:52:45,727
So I think it was less
of her finding me.

1002
00:52:45,901 --> 00:52:49,949
'Cause I feel like, you know,
somebody else would've found me.

1003
00:52:50,689 --> 00:52:52,430
But it was more like,
you know,

1004
00:52:52,604 --> 00:52:54,258
my baby counts on me
to take her to school.

1005
00:52:54,432 --> 00:52:56,695
So, you know, one day...

1006
00:52:59,350 --> 00:53:03,310
I think one day,
she's gonna know.

1007
00:53:03,484 --> 00:53:09,447
♪♪♪

1008
00:53:11,536 --> 00:53:14,713
She's gonna know that
she saved her daddy's life.

1009
00:53:16,628 --> 00:53:17,672
Yeah.

1010
00:53:18,151 --> 00:53:19,152
Yeah.

1011
00:53:19,326 --> 00:53:25,593
[brooding music]

1012
00:53:28,814 --> 00:53:30,511
So getting outta
the Marine Corps, I was eager.

1013
00:53:30,685 --> 00:53:33,340
I got home on a Thursday
and by that Tuesday

1014
00:53:33,514 --> 00:53:35,647
fall semester
community college started.

1015
00:53:35,908 --> 00:53:39,477
So like my brother
flew out to Camp Pendleton.

1016
00:53:39,651 --> 00:53:41,479
We got in the truck
and we did a road trip

1017
00:53:41,653 --> 00:53:43,698
for like ten days across
country, which is awesome.

1018
00:53:43,872 --> 00:53:46,832
I needed that.
It was a good experience.

1019
00:53:47,006 --> 00:53:50,139
But it really
helped me decompress,

1020
00:53:50,314 --> 00:53:54,143
but then hit the books
right ahead right from then on.

1021
00:53:54,796 --> 00:53:57,756
And the suicides
and all that stuff

1022
00:53:57,930 --> 00:53:59,540
started happening
a few years later.

1023
00:54:00,889 --> 00:54:06,286
All the traumas finally
caught up to us, I think.

1024
00:54:07,418 --> 00:54:10,421
We lost some guys in combat,
but we lost more to suicide.

1025
00:54:12,249 --> 00:54:15,469
You know, the first one
that I knew of was Nelson.

1026
00:54:15,643 --> 00:54:17,515
He was in 80 ones. I knew him.

1027
00:54:17,863 --> 00:54:21,040
Evidently,
he'd been recalled back

1028
00:54:21,214 --> 00:54:25,131
to the Marines and I don't know.

1029
00:54:25,305 --> 00:54:28,352
Either wasn't
allowed to be infantry,

1030
00:54:28,526 --> 00:54:31,093
or they weren't gonna
let him serve in that role.

1031
00:54:31,268 --> 00:54:33,531
I've heard mixed stories,
but he took his life.

1032
00:54:33,705 --> 00:54:37,578
And then Sparsky
and another Sergeant Mansfield,

1033
00:54:38,536 --> 00:54:43,584
they went up to pay respects
at the funeral as our unit.

1034
00:54:44,063 --> 00:54:49,155
War takes a toll
and a price that, you know,

1035
00:54:49,329 --> 00:54:51,244
you can never
necessarily justify,

1036
00:54:51,418 --> 00:54:52,767
but it's something
that's gotta happen.

1037
00:54:52,941 --> 00:54:58,207
It's gonna happen,
you know, inevitably

1038
00:54:59,600 --> 00:55:00,949
just like kids
on the playground,

1039
00:55:01,123 --> 00:55:02,473
they're gonna
fight at some point.

1040
00:55:02,647 --> 00:55:04,736
War's a heck of a lot worse.

1041
00:55:04,910 --> 00:55:08,914
But in a lot of instances,
you can't get around it.

1042
00:55:11,351 --> 00:55:12,613
Luckily you've got
people that'll go out

1043
00:55:12,787 --> 00:55:14,354
and fight it for you.

1044
00:55:14,528 --> 00:55:16,095
So you can sit back
and have that argument.

1045
00:55:17,618 --> 00:55:19,359
You know, you can
armchair quarterback

1046
00:55:19,533 --> 00:55:22,928
anything that you want,
but until you've been there,

1047
00:55:25,104 --> 00:55:28,194
you'll never really know,
you know, what war means

1048
00:55:28,368 --> 00:55:30,588
to a lot of us guys that
have been there and fought it.

1049
00:55:34,069 --> 00:55:35,941
The transition was scary.

1050
00:55:36,115 --> 00:55:37,464
It was scary because...

1051
00:55:39,248 --> 00:55:44,297
I mean, all I've done for
the past 16 years was the army.

1052
00:55:47,082 --> 00:55:48,780
And I was afraid.

1053
00:55:48,954 --> 00:55:55,352
I was afraid that
I would fail as a civilian.

1054
00:55:59,443 --> 00:56:06,319
I was still learning
to walk whenever I was retired.

1055
00:56:08,147 --> 00:56:11,672
I had to wear braces
for a long time.

1056
00:56:11,846 --> 00:56:14,458
And even to this day I still do.

1057
00:56:17,591 --> 00:56:21,029
But having a good...

1058
00:56:22,117 --> 00:56:24,685
support group like family

1059
00:56:24,859 --> 00:56:26,513
and, you know,
your brother-in-laws

1060
00:56:26,687 --> 00:56:31,431
and stuff like that
was very, very beneficial

1061
00:56:31,605 --> 00:56:33,041
for the transition

1062
00:56:34,869 --> 00:56:38,873
'cause they just showed me
all kinds of love

1063
00:56:39,047 --> 00:56:41,572
and letting me know that
everything was gonna be okay.

1064
00:56:45,402 --> 00:56:49,231
I have lost
quite a few actually.

1065
00:56:52,757 --> 00:56:53,801
And...

1066
00:56:56,282 --> 00:56:57,762
And just
not too long ago,

1067
00:56:57,936 --> 00:57:02,157
we had a guy
that committed suicide.

1068
00:57:03,768 --> 00:57:05,770
I mean,
these are all good guys.

1069
00:57:05,944 --> 00:57:07,641
These are all
great, great, great guys,

1070
00:57:07,815 --> 00:57:11,776
and you wouldn't
expect that from them.

1071
00:57:11,950 --> 00:57:17,564
You wouldn't expect them
to take their lives

1072
00:57:17,738 --> 00:57:21,699
and put their pain
onto somebody else.

1073
00:57:24,963 --> 00:57:30,055
And the thing
is that when we as veterans

1074
00:57:30,664 --> 00:57:33,275
commit suicide,
we don't stop the pain.

1075
00:57:34,233 --> 00:57:40,500
We inherit it
our loved ones, to our kids,

1076
00:57:40,674 --> 00:57:41,719
to our wives...

1077
00:57:42,981 --> 00:57:47,725
our husbands, our parents,

1078
00:57:48,247 --> 00:57:52,730
our siblings, and just
anybody else that care for you.

1079
00:57:56,734 --> 00:57:58,300
And so I think
it's very important

1080
00:57:58,475 --> 00:58:01,826
that we have
a support group.

1081
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:05,656
I was in school by time I think
I was going to college in DC.

1082
00:58:06,091 --> 00:58:08,310
And Ski. I'd talked
to Ski the week before

1083
00:58:08,485 --> 00:58:09,921
he was gonna get out.

1084
00:58:10,095 --> 00:58:11,052
He was getting
medically separated,

1085
00:58:11,226 --> 00:58:13,577
'cause of the brain damage

1086
00:58:13,751 --> 00:58:16,318
from the explosion
that we had had together.

1087
00:58:16,754 --> 00:58:18,103
And I was like,
"Well, that's good.

1088
00:58:18,277 --> 00:58:20,061
You got all these options.

1089
00:58:20,235 --> 00:58:21,846
You got school, man. You're
gonna be great. No worries."

1090
00:58:22,020 --> 00:58:23,412
You know, wife and kids,
he's two sons.

1091
00:58:24,892 --> 00:58:28,243
And he came
back from that funeral

1092
00:58:28,417 --> 00:58:32,160
and Lieutenant Russell
had dinner with him that Sunday.

1093
00:58:32,770 --> 00:58:34,162
I barbecued with him.

1094
00:58:34,336 --> 00:58:36,121
And then Monday
he killed himself,

1095
00:58:36,295 --> 00:58:37,383
shot himself in the head.

1096
00:58:37,557 --> 00:58:38,863
[somber music]

1097
00:58:39,037 --> 00:58:40,081
[exhales]

1098
00:58:41,779 --> 00:58:43,955
That's the toughest one.

1099
00:58:44,869 --> 00:58:47,785
'Cause, you know,
Ski was a great leader.

1100
00:58:48,437 --> 00:58:50,352
We got along.
We were best friends.

1101
00:58:50,527 --> 00:58:51,745
And...

1102
00:58:53,660 --> 00:58:55,923
to see how quickly
he deteriorated

1103
00:58:57,098 --> 00:58:58,578
and he was still active duty.

1104
00:58:59,579 --> 00:59:01,668
And he'd been promoted
meritoriously from sergeant

1105
00:59:01,842 --> 00:59:04,192
to Staff Sergeant,
and made Gunny real quick.

1106
00:59:04,453 --> 00:59:05,933
It was an unheard
of in the Marine Corps.

1107
00:59:06,107 --> 00:59:07,195
And...

1108
00:59:09,284 --> 00:59:10,982
yeah,
for him to take his life,

1109
00:59:11,156 --> 00:59:13,158
I wasn't expecting it,
didn't believe it.

1110
00:59:13,332 --> 00:59:15,247
I still,
at times don't believe it.

1111
00:59:16,596 --> 00:59:18,032
And that was a hard one.

1112
00:59:18,206 --> 00:59:19,817
The whole platoon
felt that one, I think.

1113
00:59:21,993 --> 00:59:24,386
You know, I've tried
to make amends with it,

1114
00:59:24,561 --> 00:59:26,345
but it's something
that lingers with me.

1115
00:59:26,911 --> 00:59:30,175
And then from that,
we learned about Heinzic,

1116
00:59:30,349 --> 00:59:31,524
who was my platoon.

1117
00:59:32,177 --> 00:59:34,527
Heinzic had gotten out around
the same time I got out.

1118
00:59:36,442 --> 00:59:38,662
He had a baby mama
in San Diego,

1119
00:59:38,836 --> 00:59:41,752
and he was having custody
battles with her, evidently.

1120
00:59:43,144 --> 00:59:45,930
And his dad came out to help
him try and get him on his feet,

1121
00:59:46,104 --> 00:59:48,062
help him, you know,
get right with things.

1122
00:59:48,236 --> 00:59:50,325
I think his dad
was a veteran maybe too.

1123
00:59:50,499 --> 00:59:55,287
And Heinzic comes home
from work one day

1124
00:59:55,461 --> 00:59:57,376
and his dad comes in,
walking in,

1125
00:59:57,550 --> 00:59:59,421
and then Heinzic shoots himself
in front of his father.

1126
00:59:59,596 --> 01:00:01,119
Killed himself
right in front of his dad.

1127
01:00:01,293 --> 01:00:07,691
♪♪♪

1128
01:00:15,046 --> 01:00:17,614
WADE: And I only learned about
this because few years later,

1129
01:00:17,788 --> 01:00:21,139
back about five years ago,
2016, I took a road trip.

1130
01:00:21,313 --> 01:00:25,665
I visited the graves
of the guys that we lost.

1131
01:00:25,839 --> 01:00:28,276
And I left, you know,
my contact information

1132
01:00:28,450 --> 01:00:30,278
and a little memento
and a t-shirt,

1133
01:00:30,452 --> 01:00:31,845
I think, of the unit.

1134
01:00:32,498 --> 01:00:34,805
And Heinzic's
grandma got ahold of me.

1135
01:00:35,153 --> 01:00:37,242
And she had
been down at the plots

1136
01:00:37,851 --> 01:00:40,419
a week later after
I'd visited for her husband,

1137
01:00:40,593 --> 01:00:42,247
her husband
had finally passed away.

1138
01:00:43,378 --> 01:00:46,904
And she told me the story
of what happened to Heinzic.

1139
01:00:47,078 --> 01:00:50,995
And then she told me
that five years after

1140
01:00:52,692 --> 01:00:54,955
Heinzic killed himself,
his father killed himself.

1141
01:00:55,782 --> 01:00:57,784
So this grandma
was out there burying

1142
01:00:57,958 --> 01:01:01,570
her husband
at a grave family plot

1143
01:01:01,745 --> 01:01:05,313
where her grandson
and her son were buried

1144
01:01:05,487 --> 01:01:06,619
because of this war.

1145
01:01:07,315 --> 01:01:10,188
And Boye, I went
and visited Boye's grave

1146
01:01:10,362 --> 01:01:11,972
and Lieutenant Childers's grave.

1147
01:01:13,495 --> 01:01:15,410
And at Boye's,
I met his mom.

1148
01:01:15,584 --> 01:01:16,934
She met me out there.

1149
01:01:17,108 --> 01:01:19,066
She took a break
from her factory job.

1150
01:01:19,893 --> 01:01:21,068
What was it?

1151
01:01:22,069 --> 01:01:23,767
Hornady.
She works for Hornady.

1152
01:01:24,637 --> 01:01:26,465
And she met me
at the grave site.

1153
01:01:26,639 --> 01:01:28,815
And then I noticed
that there was

1154
01:01:28,989 --> 01:01:31,644
another headstone
with Boye on it.

1155
01:01:31,818 --> 01:01:35,082
And she told me
the story that Boye's brother

1156
01:01:35,256 --> 01:01:36,693
was in the Army
when he got killed

1157
01:01:36,867 --> 01:01:38,303
and he was
getting out already.

1158
01:01:38,477 --> 01:01:41,915
And a few years later,
Boye's brother

1159
01:01:42,089 --> 01:01:44,439
took his own life, you know.

1160
01:01:45,223 --> 01:01:48,966
And I totally believe
it's because of the war.

1161
01:01:49,140 --> 01:01:50,532
You know,
he lost his brother

1162
01:01:50,707 --> 01:01:52,404
and he probably
had his own traumas

1163
01:01:52,578 --> 01:01:55,494
that the military wasn't
dealing with properly, so.

1164
01:01:56,451 --> 01:01:58,410
And the tragedy just keep going.

1165
01:01:59,019 --> 01:02:00,804
You know, I lost
a lot of guys to suicide.

1166
01:02:01,848 --> 01:02:02,893
It's tough.

1167
01:02:03,763 --> 01:02:04,982
And, you know.

1168
01:02:08,115 --> 01:02:10,944
You don't know
who to point the finger at.

1169
01:02:12,119 --> 01:02:14,948
I do know that some of
these pharmaceutical companies

1170
01:02:15,122 --> 01:02:17,516
they put these guys up on
wasn't helpful.

1171
01:02:18,299 --> 01:02:21,346
I know, without a doubt
that caused a lot of the issues.

1172
01:02:21,825 --> 01:02:24,958
The VA couldn't handle it,
handle the volume of patients.

1173
01:02:25,132 --> 01:02:26,394
Couldn't give
the one-on-one care,

1174
01:02:26,568 --> 01:02:28,527
the direct counseling they need.

1175
01:02:28,701 --> 01:02:30,485
Just give 'em drugs,
numb 'em out, cope 'em out,

1176
01:02:30,659 --> 01:02:32,009
make 'em numb.

1177
01:02:32,183 --> 01:02:33,271
They won't
respond to anything then.

1178
01:02:34,054 --> 01:02:36,448
And it's been fatal ever
since they started doing that.

1179
01:02:37,536 --> 01:02:40,147
And in the military
we always talk about like,

1180
01:02:40,321 --> 01:02:43,020
not failing,
not letting people down.

1181
01:02:43,542 --> 01:02:46,110
And that was
one of my fears too

1182
01:02:46,284 --> 01:02:49,722
of letting my mom and dad down

1183
01:02:49,896 --> 01:02:53,291
or letting my nieces
and nephews down.

1184
01:02:54,727 --> 01:03:00,037
And just thinking about all
the people that I would hurt,

1185
01:03:01,299 --> 01:03:05,782
just because I thought
that it would end my pain.

1186
01:03:08,306 --> 01:03:13,093
And just opening up,
opening up to somebody.

1187
01:03:13,441 --> 01:03:17,706
And that really helped
me out quite a bit

1188
01:03:17,881 --> 01:03:21,580
'cause you feel lighter
at the end of the day.

1189
01:03:23,016 --> 01:03:26,715
I've called
the hotline and...

1190
01:03:27,716 --> 01:03:29,980
I was a bit disappointed

1191
01:03:30,154 --> 01:03:34,723
with it because it's not like
you talk to somebody right away.

1192
01:03:37,291 --> 01:03:41,469
And I wish that
we could talk to people.

1193
01:03:42,688 --> 01:03:47,171
I now have a lot
of regrets or things

1194
01:03:47,345 --> 01:03:50,304
I've had to come
to grips with as far

1195
01:03:50,478 --> 01:03:54,091
as understanding
my role in a war

1196
01:03:54,265 --> 01:03:57,572
that you look back on,
it don't make sense.

1197
01:03:59,487 --> 01:04:01,446
It was tough
to see Afghanistan

1198
01:04:02,316 --> 01:04:04,492
go the way it did,
especially knowing

1199
01:04:04,666 --> 01:04:07,017
all the sacrifice
put in that country as well.

1200
01:04:07,191 --> 01:04:08,801
And the treasurer.
Fuck the money.

1201
01:04:09,323 --> 01:04:11,021
People made plenty
of money off this war.

1202
01:04:11,848 --> 01:04:15,068
It's really
the guys, the lives.

1203
01:04:15,242 --> 01:04:20,073
You know, even
the Iraqis and Afghans,

1204
01:04:20,247 --> 01:04:22,075
you know, I feel bad for them.
Worse.

1205
01:04:23,076 --> 01:04:24,164
We fucked them up.

1206
01:04:24,948 --> 01:04:27,559
Made 'em dependent,
then left them behind to dry.

1207
01:04:27,733 --> 01:04:30,910
And it's something
I have to accept my role in.

1208
01:04:33,434 --> 01:04:36,350
You know, at the time
I wouldn't take anything back.

1209
01:04:36,742 --> 01:04:39,092
If you give me the experience,
I'll take it over again.

1210
01:04:39,266 --> 01:04:40,311
I'll do it again.

1211
01:04:41,355 --> 01:04:43,270
But it's tough to realize

1212
01:04:43,444 --> 01:04:44,924
the consequences
of these decisions

1213
01:04:45,098 --> 01:04:47,666
our country made,
our leadership made.

1214
01:04:48,145 --> 01:04:51,539
I definitely think,
you know,

1215
01:04:51,713 --> 01:04:53,628
it could have
been done differently.

1216
01:04:53,802 --> 01:04:55,282
It should
have been done differently.

1217
01:04:55,456 --> 01:04:59,025
But I think there's money
to be made and people

1218
01:04:59,199 --> 01:05:00,418
are wanting
to profit off of this.

1219
01:05:00,592 --> 01:05:01,680
It's sad.

1220
01:05:02,681 --> 01:05:06,554
But yeah,
I got into college.

1221
01:05:06,728 --> 01:05:09,079
After I graduated
from my four-year university,

1222
01:05:09,253 --> 01:05:12,430
I got
into private security myself.

1223
01:05:12,604 --> 01:05:15,737
It was good money. And I was
addicted to the adrenaline.

1224
01:05:17,000 --> 01:05:18,784
It's a simpler life overseas.

1225
01:05:19,132 --> 01:05:22,309
You have your job,
sleep, work out, eat.

1226
01:05:22,483 --> 01:05:24,181
You know,
job, sleep, work out, eat.

1227
01:05:24,355 --> 01:05:26,923
So it's simple. You
don't have like the gossip.

1228
01:05:27,097 --> 01:05:29,751
You don't have the
"what's going on in this city"

1229
01:05:29,926 --> 01:05:31,928
or what's going on here,
this controversy.

1230
01:05:32,102 --> 01:05:33,799
It's a simplified life.
And I loved it.

1231
01:05:33,973 --> 01:05:38,760
And I got addicted to
the adrenaline rush of combat.

1232
01:05:38,935 --> 01:05:42,460
You know, my whole time
in university

1233
01:05:42,634 --> 01:05:44,418
I kept on trying
to join military.

1234
01:05:44,592 --> 01:05:47,421
Like I joined LRS unit,
a National Guard LRS unit,

1235
01:05:47,595 --> 01:05:49,032
a Long Range
Surveillance unit,

1236
01:05:49,206 --> 01:05:50,511
because I wanted to get trained

1237
01:05:50,685 --> 01:05:51,948
and I wanted
to continue to fight.

1238
01:05:52,731 --> 01:05:58,737
And when Ski got killed,
I got real close to joining

1239
01:05:58,911 --> 01:06:00,957
back in the Marines
and going back in

1240
01:06:01,131 --> 01:06:03,002
'cause I was like,
I gotta get in to fight.

1241
01:06:03,176 --> 01:06:05,918
I have some anger issues.

1242
01:06:06,092 --> 01:06:07,180
[laughing]

1243
01:06:07,964 --> 01:06:11,968
And luckily I talked
to Lieutenant Glover still.

1244
01:06:12,142 --> 01:06:13,665
I was really
in good contact with him.

1245
01:06:13,839 --> 01:06:16,407
And he sort of said,
"Hey, do yourself this.

1246
01:06:16,581 --> 01:06:18,148
Go to school, complete school.

1247
01:06:18,322 --> 01:06:20,280
If you wanna go in,
you can go in afterwards."

1248
01:06:20,454 --> 01:06:25,111
And so I'm really glad
he told me to do that

1249
01:06:25,938 --> 01:06:28,680
'cause, at the time, I didn't
have a real good compass.

1250
01:06:29,289 --> 01:06:31,074
I go with any direction.

1251
01:06:32,510 --> 01:06:34,207
And to have him
encourage me to stay in school

1252
01:06:34,381 --> 01:06:37,558
and I did it,
it's an accomplishment for me.

1253
01:06:38,516 --> 01:06:41,780
Especially going to,
like, the school I went to.

1254
01:06:42,650 --> 01:06:44,174
If you would
ask my peers in high school

1255
01:06:44,348 --> 01:06:45,784
they probably
would've never thought

1256
01:06:45,958 --> 01:06:47,699
I could get into it
and go to that school.

1257
01:06:47,873 --> 01:06:49,701
So I was kinda spiteful.

1258
01:06:49,875 --> 01:06:52,182
I think I mentioned
early on about, you know,

1259
01:06:52,356 --> 01:06:55,054
being enlisted,
of taking the dummies route,

1260
01:06:55,228 --> 01:06:56,360
going enlisted.

1261
01:06:57,491 --> 01:07:00,755
So for me, you know,
I had this chip on my shoulder

1262
01:07:00,929 --> 01:07:07,632
for sure, and I probably
still do about the wasted lives.

1263
01:07:09,068 --> 01:07:11,331
And I finally have accepted

1264
01:07:11,505 --> 01:07:13,725
that we probably shouldn't
have gone into Iraq.

1265
01:07:13,899 --> 01:07:15,596
You know,
looking at the facts now,

1266
01:07:16,380 --> 01:07:18,817
knowing we kinda all
were lied to.

1267
01:07:18,991 --> 01:07:22,473
I mean, they used
General Powell

1268
01:07:22,647 --> 01:07:26,172
and all those people
as pawns to set something up

1269
01:07:26,346 --> 01:07:29,523
that I think didn't
need to happen, you know?

1270
01:07:29,697 --> 01:07:33,484
And it's sad that
nobody's been held accountable.

1271
01:07:33,658 --> 01:07:36,139
Our government
lets them get away with it.

1272
01:07:37,662 --> 01:07:40,012
I definitely
have some issues with the way

1273
01:07:40,186 --> 01:07:42,014
we abandoned things in Iraq.

1274
01:07:42,188 --> 01:07:44,408
And hell, if I would've lost.

1275
01:07:44,582 --> 01:07:46,323
I remember
being in Kuwait,

1276
01:07:46,497 --> 01:07:48,194
searching the desert because
someone lost a bayonet.

1277
01:07:48,368 --> 01:07:50,109
We weren't allowed to leave.

1278
01:07:50,283 --> 01:07:52,111
You know, get on line
and look for a freaking bayonet

1279
01:07:52,285 --> 01:07:54,200
that's maybe
$20 worth of equipment.

1280
01:07:54,505 --> 01:07:56,159
Yet the generals
were allowed to leave

1281
01:07:56,333 --> 01:07:58,596
billions of dollars
of equipment in Afghanistan.

1282
01:07:58,770 --> 01:07:59,988
And nobody's
held accountable.

1283
01:08:00,163 --> 01:08:01,990
And it's just hypocrisy to me.

1284
01:08:02,165 --> 01:08:07,039
And I can't accept
that like, they taught me

1285
01:08:07,213 --> 01:08:08,867
all these values
and these things

1286
01:08:09,041 --> 01:08:11,522
that were important
to me then to turn around

1287
01:08:11,696 --> 01:08:13,698
and them not even live by 'em
and hold themselves up

1288
01:08:13,872 --> 01:08:16,048
to the same accountable
things that I was held to.

1289
01:08:16,222 --> 01:08:17,919
It really is frustrating to see.

1290
01:08:18,659 --> 01:08:21,488
So, that's my gripe
of the year, I guess.

1291
01:08:21,662 --> 01:08:22,707
[laughing]

1292
01:08:23,838 --> 01:08:26,014
You know, I like to go hunting.

1293
01:08:26,189 --> 01:08:27,625
You know, I go deer,
go with some buddies,

1294
01:08:27,799 --> 01:08:29,192
and go elk hunting and all that.

1295
01:08:29,366 --> 01:08:31,324
And there's no comparison.

1296
01:08:31,498 --> 01:08:35,415
You know, you're taking a life,
but one's feeding your family.

1297
01:08:35,589 --> 01:08:39,767
One's taking
another human off this world.

1298
01:08:41,247 --> 01:08:43,684
You know, at the end of the day
while we were deployed,

1299
01:08:43,858 --> 01:08:46,687
it kinda turned into
who's making it home tonight?

1300
01:08:46,861 --> 01:08:47,862
You or me?

1301
01:08:48,036 --> 01:08:49,212
And I wanna go home worse.

1302
01:08:49,386 --> 01:08:51,127
You know, I wanna go home more.

1303
01:08:51,605 --> 01:08:55,392
Whenever I came back, I went
and found my childhood priest,

1304
01:08:56,001 --> 01:08:57,829
tried to talk
to him a little bit about it.

1305
01:08:58,134 --> 01:09:01,876
He's an older gentleman and
he definitely gave me his time.

1306
01:09:02,050 --> 01:09:05,358
But when you haven't been there,
you don't really understand.

1307
01:09:06,794 --> 01:09:08,622
There's one priest
I wish I could run into

1308
01:09:08,796 --> 01:09:10,276
back home near Kansas City.

1309
01:09:10,450 --> 01:09:12,409
He was a, I think
he retired as a captain

1310
01:09:12,583 --> 01:09:14,411
in the Marines from Vietnam.

1311
01:09:14,585 --> 01:09:15,890
Yeah, the Vietnam era.

1312
01:09:16,500 --> 01:09:18,197
But I mean,
it's really something

1313
01:09:18,371 --> 01:09:20,547
you've gotta come
to grips with yourself.

1314
01:09:20,721 --> 01:09:24,421
You know, you're sending
18, 19, 20-year-olds over there

1315
01:09:24,595 --> 01:09:27,467
if they're fresh
and they're taking lives.

1316
01:09:28,033 --> 01:09:32,385
You know, if they're
not lucky in a facetious way.

1317
01:09:32,559 --> 01:09:35,040
But the part
of the military

1318
01:09:35,214 --> 01:09:38,043
that actually sees direct
combat is very, very small.

1319
01:09:39,697 --> 01:09:42,656
So if you are lucky
in the fact that you're part

1320
01:09:42,830 --> 01:09:48,967
of that percent you need
to have your head on right.

1321
01:09:50,142 --> 01:09:52,275
I've got some friends
that grew up, you know,

1322
01:09:52,449 --> 01:09:55,495
they're the same age,
grew up close to the same way,

1323
01:09:55,669 --> 01:09:57,454
but in different parts
of the country.

1324
01:09:57,628 --> 01:10:00,544
And I know that a lot of us
have handled it all differently.

1325
01:10:00,718 --> 01:10:02,633
Taking a life is...

1326
01:10:04,983 --> 01:10:06,376
it's not something
to be taken lightly.

1327
01:10:06,550 --> 01:10:07,725
But at the end of the day,

1328
01:10:07,899 --> 01:10:09,335
it's I wanna go home more

1329
01:10:09,509 --> 01:10:11,816
and I'm going home
to my family.

1330
01:10:12,599 --> 01:10:14,471
So you made
your choice and I made mine,

1331
01:10:15,646 --> 01:10:18,475
and you're going to meet
your maker and not me today.

1332
01:10:19,084 --> 01:10:20,564
You know,
when you leave the military,

1333
01:10:22,130 --> 01:10:23,393
you lose your purpose,
your identity,

1334
01:10:23,567 --> 01:10:24,655
and your community.

1335
01:10:25,525 --> 01:10:27,571
I was fortunate I came home
and I came back

1336
01:10:27,745 --> 01:10:29,312
to my old high school buddies

1337
01:10:29,486 --> 01:10:31,227
that were still around
and family and friends

1338
01:10:31,401 --> 01:10:33,141
that were still
there in the community.

1339
01:10:33,751 --> 01:10:36,797
And so I sort of had some people
to safeguard me a little bit.

1340
01:10:36,971 --> 01:10:39,931
Like, I did implode.
And I wasn't--

1341
01:10:40,105 --> 01:10:42,238
They told me to do something,
I was gonna do the opposite.

1342
01:10:42,412 --> 01:10:45,153
But they at least, you know,
they kept the rails on.

1343
01:10:45,328 --> 01:10:46,372
It kept me on the rails.

1344
01:10:47,634 --> 01:10:49,157
I think for a lot of people,

1345
01:10:49,332 --> 01:10:51,551
they lose one, you know,
two or three of those:

1346
01:10:51,725 --> 01:10:53,031
purpose, identity, community,

1347
01:10:53,205 --> 01:10:55,120
and it creates
a downward spiral.

1348
01:10:55,294 --> 01:10:56,600
So much so.

1349
01:10:56,774 --> 01:10:58,471
I think with Ski,
I look back,

1350
01:10:58,645 --> 01:11:00,038
they were taking away
his purpose.

1351
01:11:00,212 --> 01:11:01,909
They were taking away
his identity.

1352
01:11:02,083 --> 01:11:03,955
He was no longer gonna
be allowed to be a Marine,

1353
01:11:04,129 --> 01:11:06,653
a very good marine.

1354
01:11:09,917 --> 01:11:12,180
And I'm sure
he had his own issues

1355
01:11:12,355 --> 01:11:14,661
with the war
and his own family issues.

1356
01:11:14,835 --> 01:11:18,752
You know, I don't know exactly
led him to pull that gun out.

1357
01:11:19,318 --> 01:11:20,798
But I know he was suffering.

1358
01:11:21,799 --> 01:11:26,456
And, you know,
like I lost my identity,

1359
01:11:26,630 --> 01:11:28,196
but I still retain it.

1360
01:11:28,371 --> 01:11:30,373
You know, I still will
tell people I'm a marine.

1361
01:11:31,417 --> 01:11:33,854
[laughing] But I think,

1362
01:11:34,202 --> 01:11:35,465
yeah, I think people--

1363
01:11:37,423 --> 01:11:39,382
the military does
a good job at taking people,

1364
01:11:39,556 --> 01:11:40,731
making 'em the killers.

1365
01:11:40,905 --> 01:11:42,385
It doesn't
do a good job

1366
01:11:43,168 --> 01:11:47,564
processing 'em out
to be "normal."

1367
01:11:49,435 --> 01:11:51,263
And it's not
their job to really.

1368
01:11:51,437 --> 01:11:53,221
They have a mission.

1369
01:11:53,396 --> 01:11:56,094
It's not to always
do the backend stuff.

1370
01:11:56,268 --> 01:11:58,879
I think we're realizing now
I think they put a great effort

1371
01:11:59,053 --> 01:12:02,274
into counteracting
the negative things.

1372
01:12:03,536 --> 01:12:06,452
It's changed, you know,
the talks of mental health.

1373
01:12:06,626 --> 01:12:09,107
You didn't talk
about it in 2004, 2005.

1374
01:12:09,281 --> 01:12:11,675
Kidding me?
No, you're not talking about it.

1375
01:12:11,936 --> 01:12:13,111
We're not pussies here.

1376
01:12:13,546 --> 01:12:15,635
[laughs] I knew
I was fucked up,

1377
01:12:15,809 --> 01:12:19,073
but I always knew I wanted
to work in the government

1378
01:12:19,247 --> 01:12:21,641
with a security claim,
so I never brought it up.

1379
01:12:21,815 --> 01:12:23,077
It took me
over a decade to finally

1380
01:12:23,251 --> 01:12:25,036
admit that I had PTSD.

1381
01:12:25,602 --> 01:12:30,171
And it was only
after I was working overseas

1382
01:12:30,346 --> 01:12:32,435
I was like,
"I need to get help."

1383
01:12:32,609 --> 01:12:36,569
I need to have a quality
of life that it's worth

1384
01:12:37,048 --> 01:12:40,138
what I've done,
what I've put myself through.

1385
01:12:42,358 --> 01:12:45,099
I think that's
one of the bigger things.

1386
01:12:47,711 --> 01:12:50,278
And I think it plays with
some of my childhood trauma,

1387
01:12:50,453 --> 01:12:52,585
was I've never
felt worthy of love.

1388
01:12:53,499 --> 01:12:54,674
And, uh...

1389
01:12:57,503 --> 01:13:01,159
MAN: What are your hobbies now?

1390
01:13:02,334 --> 01:13:05,859
So, I weld sometimes.

1391
01:13:06,686 --> 01:13:12,562
I do fishing,
take the kids fishing.

1392
01:13:16,304 --> 01:13:20,526
Heck just last week
I took my niece

1393
01:13:20,700 --> 01:13:26,967
and my nephew's Tito's kids
to go look at alligators.

1394
01:13:27,359 --> 01:13:32,016
And like,
I just enjoy seeing

1395
01:13:32,190 --> 01:13:36,629
their smiles and their--

1396
01:13:39,893 --> 01:13:42,026
That's what makes me wanna
wake up in the morning

1397
01:13:43,027 --> 01:13:45,029
to where
they call for me.

1398
01:13:45,508 --> 01:13:46,552
And...

1399
01:13:49,425 --> 01:13:50,643
I don't
wanna let them down.

1400
01:13:51,470 --> 01:13:56,867
And so I think if
we as veterans find something

1401
01:13:57,041 --> 01:14:01,611
that makes
you wanna wake up,

1402
01:14:02,829 --> 01:14:06,790
then we need to look for that,
for whatever it is.

1403
01:14:07,225 --> 01:14:10,663
As long as it's productive,
then I think we'd be okay.

1404
01:14:11,142 --> 01:14:14,972
But I really think,
like the brothers I served with,

1405
01:14:15,146 --> 01:14:17,583
I'm so glad I can be
in contact with a lot of them.

1406
01:14:17,757 --> 01:14:20,281
We've stayed together,
we stayed pretty close together.

1407
01:14:21,195 --> 01:14:24,024
And a lot of us have found
our paths in unique ways.

1408
01:14:24,198 --> 01:14:26,113
You know,
I think for a lot of them.

1409
01:14:26,853 --> 01:14:29,160
And I encourage all
of them that I served with,

1410
01:14:29,334 --> 01:14:32,511
you know, to do
alternative therapies.

1411
01:14:32,990 --> 01:14:35,253
There's not a silver bullet
that's gonna fix a veteran.

1412
01:14:35,427 --> 01:14:39,562
There's multiple paths
to find a purpose,

1413
01:14:40,171 --> 01:14:43,174
a place in society
and your new tribe.

1414
01:14:43,653 --> 01:14:46,873
I'm so grateful
that I have the guys

1415
01:14:47,047 --> 01:14:48,484
I served with still around.

1416
01:14:48,658 --> 01:14:50,747
They'll check
me when I'm fooling around

1417
01:14:50,921 --> 01:14:52,139
and being an idiot.

1418
01:14:52,400 --> 01:14:53,663
But they'll
also tell me, "Oh no,

1419
01:14:53,837 --> 01:14:55,142
hey, it's not
that big of a deal.

1420
01:14:55,316 --> 01:14:56,535
You screw that up. Who cares?"

1421
01:14:56,709 --> 01:14:58,058
You know,
bigger picture of things.

1422
01:14:58,232 --> 01:15:00,539
They put thing
in perspective for me

1423
01:15:01,105 --> 01:15:02,410
that a lot of times I forget.

1424
01:15:02,933 --> 01:15:04,761
Especially
like my buddy Joe Wells,

1425
01:15:04,935 --> 01:15:09,374
he lets me know that like,
I don't owe anybody anything.

1426
01:15:09,548 --> 01:15:11,985
You know? If I wanna do this
for the rest of my life,

1427
01:15:12,159 --> 01:15:14,858
I'm good. I've made my peace.
I have my friends.

1428
01:15:15,032 --> 01:15:18,470
I don't need
to prove anything to anybody.

1429
01:15:18,644 --> 01:15:19,906
If there's something
I want to accomplish,

1430
01:15:20,080 --> 01:15:21,212
I can accomplish it.

1431
01:15:21,386 --> 01:15:22,735
But I think
a lot of veterans

1432
01:15:22,909 --> 01:15:24,520
get themselves
into trouble is

1433
01:15:24,694 --> 01:15:28,045
in our society I can order
everything to my house

1434
01:15:28,219 --> 01:15:29,873
and not have to deal
with a single human being.

1435
01:15:30,047 --> 01:15:31,831
I don't have to engage
with anybody.

1436
01:15:32,136 --> 01:15:36,096
And that's not a good thing,
is what I try to tell people.

1437
01:15:36,270 --> 01:15:38,534
We're social creatures we need
to have social interaction.

1438
01:15:38,708 --> 01:15:39,970
We need to have connections.

1439
01:15:40,840 --> 01:15:44,801
And where our fear is like
we had this deep, deep bond.

1440
01:15:44,975 --> 01:15:48,979
And I know--
What's that author's name?

1441
01:15:49,153 --> 01:15:50,763
Sebastian Junger
and he talks about that.

1442
01:15:50,937 --> 01:15:52,809
And I agree
with his book, <i>Tribe.</i>

1443
01:15:55,202 --> 01:15:56,595
You have these deep
connections with these guys.

1444
01:15:56,769 --> 01:15:58,249
They're intimate, you know.

1445
01:15:59,511 --> 01:16:03,863
[laughing] Deep jokes, like
just meaning with each other.

1446
01:16:04,037 --> 01:16:06,474
And then they part
ways and rip each other out.

1447
01:16:06,649 --> 01:16:09,521
It's hard. For years after
getting out in the Marines,

1448
01:16:09,695 --> 01:16:11,479
my goal was I wanna
be wealthy enough

1449
01:16:11,654 --> 01:16:14,918
to be able to pay
for everybody's family

1450
01:16:15,092 --> 01:16:17,703
to come to a reunion
for a week from each deployment.

1451
01:16:17,877 --> 01:16:20,053
'Cause each deployment
we had different guys with us

1452
01:16:20,227 --> 01:16:23,143
and do a big, huge way
and be able to be so successful.

1453
01:16:23,317 --> 01:16:24,580
That was my big heritage goal.

1454
01:16:24,754 --> 01:16:26,407
Be so successful
that I could afford

1455
01:16:26,582 --> 01:16:28,801
to pay for everybody's
families to take the week off.

1456
01:16:28,975 --> 01:16:30,586
You know, all that stuff.

1457
01:16:30,760 --> 01:16:32,239
Have all the sorts
of therapies and, you know,

1458
01:16:32,413 --> 01:16:34,285
ways to reconnect.

1459
01:16:34,459 --> 01:16:36,113
And I realize like, I'm not
gonna get there professionally,

1460
01:16:36,287 --> 01:16:38,376
but maybe there's
a way for me to be a part

1461
01:16:38,550 --> 01:16:41,161
of a nonprofit that can
do something like that one day.

1462
01:16:41,858 --> 01:16:46,297
But it's tough to see guys
go home and suffer,

1463
01:16:47,124 --> 01:16:48,995
especially when you knew
them in the military

1464
01:16:49,169 --> 01:16:51,781
as like the good-to-go guy,
the guy that was reliable.

1465
01:16:51,955 --> 01:16:53,434
The guy
who will watch your back.

1466
01:16:53,957 --> 01:16:58,526
And to see how this rot
has set in with our country,

1467
01:16:58,701 --> 01:17:02,008
with drugs, with meth,
with opioids,

1468
01:17:02,182 --> 01:17:04,881
and the same problems
that plague these veterans

1469
01:17:05,055 --> 01:17:07,057
are the same problems
that plague our nation.

1470
01:17:07,753 --> 01:17:10,408
And it sucks that
nobody wants to step up

1471
01:17:11,104 --> 01:17:13,803
and try to really go
after these things.

1472
01:17:14,325 --> 01:17:16,762
It's disheartening
to see my buddies,

1473
01:17:18,068 --> 01:17:21,027
some of them, you know, I love
seeing the success stories.

1474
01:17:21,201 --> 01:17:22,594
I've got guys
that are successful

1475
01:17:22,768 --> 01:17:24,291
and it's not always
the boohoo thing.

1476
01:17:24,465 --> 01:17:26,032
They've taken those experiences
and turned it

1477
01:17:26,206 --> 01:17:29,209
into something positive,
used it to make themselves

1478
01:17:30,123 --> 01:17:32,691
plenty of money and build
a family that's full of love.

1479
01:17:33,213 --> 01:17:35,128
Then [indistinct]
guys that have really

1480
01:17:35,302 --> 01:17:37,609
self-destructed and,
you know,

1481
01:17:38,262 --> 01:17:41,787
done every bad decision
they could think of if not more.

1482
01:17:42,919 --> 01:17:46,574
And I think a lot of it is lack
of services initially maybe.

1483
01:17:47,010 --> 01:17:50,796
Or, you know, had something
gone a different way,

1484
01:17:50,970 --> 01:17:55,801
break another way, maybe they'd
have a better step forward

1485
01:17:55,975 --> 01:17:57,629
and never a new start.

1486
01:17:58,674 --> 01:18:01,024
But it's tough to see,
you know,

1487
01:18:01,198 --> 01:18:03,374
that's probably like the road
trips I've done cross country

1488
01:18:03,548 --> 01:18:05,724
multiple times
is like, it's for me.

1489
01:18:05,898 --> 01:18:07,683
I'm gonna be selfish.
It's a lot of--

1490
01:18:07,857 --> 01:18:10,207
It feeds my heart to be
able to see these guys again.

1491
01:18:10,424 --> 01:18:13,732
But it's also part
of it is me checking in on 'em.

1492
01:18:13,906 --> 01:18:15,778
And like, you see
the guys that are really proud

1493
01:18:15,952 --> 01:18:17,301
to show off themselves,
they're like,

1494
01:18:17,475 --> 01:18:19,695
"Hey, this--"
My best friend Staples.

1495
01:18:19,869 --> 01:18:22,349
I lived with him
for four years in the Marines."

1496
01:18:22,523 --> 01:18:26,702
And Stack, nicest dude
ever from Youngstown, Ohio.

1497
01:18:26,876 --> 01:18:29,095
Big brother.
Looks like Mike Tyson.

1498
01:18:30,009 --> 01:18:32,272
Has a lisp.
And me and him were roommates

1499
01:18:32,446 --> 01:18:34,100
and we fought
with each other initially

1500
01:18:34,274 --> 01:18:35,406
and then
we became brothers after.

1501
01:18:35,580 --> 01:18:36,973
And he came home
with me on leave.

1502
01:18:38,104 --> 01:18:40,846
And when he got out,
he is a big guy.

1503
01:18:41,020 --> 01:18:43,022
So people like to try
to test themselves with him.

1504
01:18:43,196 --> 01:18:44,807
And he wasn't gonna
back down from a fight.

1505
01:18:44,981 --> 01:18:46,983
Evidently, he got
into a fight in Ohio

1506
01:18:47,157 --> 01:18:48,245
and got arrested

1507
01:18:48,593 --> 01:18:50,203
and got put in the system

1508
01:18:50,682 --> 01:18:52,423
and that system holds onto him.

1509
01:18:53,467 --> 01:18:56,340
I did that road trip part
of it to reconnect with him.

1510
01:18:56,514 --> 01:19:00,779
And I did meet up with him.
I got to hug him, I'd see him.

1511
01:19:00,953 --> 01:19:02,825
But I could tell he was shy,
didn't wanna talk

1512
01:19:02,999 --> 01:19:04,217
about his past,
didn't wanna talk

1513
01:19:04,391 --> 01:19:06,132
about what
he's up to these days.

1514
01:19:06,306 --> 01:19:08,744
'Cause he was in and out of,
like, the legal system

1515
01:19:08,918 --> 01:19:11,268
and didn't have a whole
lot of opportunities

1516
01:19:11,442 --> 01:19:13,923
in front of him, especially
in, like, Youngstown, Ohio.

1517
01:19:14,097 --> 01:19:15,881
It's hard.
But his family's there.

1518
01:19:16,055 --> 01:19:19,145
Guys like him I wish
I could get ahold of

1519
01:19:19,319 --> 01:19:20,712
and give another opportunity

1520
01:19:20,886 --> 01:19:22,801
or just offer 'em
whatever they need.

1521
01:19:22,975 --> 01:19:24,455
You know, like
they're the ones

1522
01:19:24,629 --> 01:19:26,631
that I want
to encourage, get services.

1523
01:19:27,066 --> 01:19:28,894
I'm fine.
I can advocate for myself.

1524
01:19:29,068 --> 01:19:30,591
It's those guys like him.

1525
01:19:31,331 --> 01:19:33,769
And since I saw him, I've
been outta contact with him.

1526
01:19:33,943 --> 01:19:35,292
You can't get
ahold of him anymore.

1527
01:19:35,466 --> 01:19:36,815
I've gone back
to Youngstown, Ohio

1528
01:19:36,989 --> 01:19:38,948
on my road trips
and knocked on doors

1529
01:19:39,122 --> 01:19:41,689
and asked around
but still can't find him.

1530
01:19:41,864 --> 01:19:45,215
And that's like I guess
my big hairy goal eventually

1531
01:19:45,389 --> 01:19:48,958
is to have a real reconnection
with him and other guys.

1532
01:19:49,132 --> 01:19:51,961
You know, I'm not
worried about the guys

1533
01:19:52,135 --> 01:19:55,268
that are still texting me
and I see on social media maybe.

1534
01:19:55,442 --> 01:19:58,532
It's the guys
that have quieted up, sort of.

1535
01:19:58,706 --> 01:20:00,708
You see them extract
themselves outta life.

1536
01:20:00,883 --> 01:20:02,145
Those are the guys
I worry about.

1537
01:20:02,319 --> 01:20:05,975
'Cause it's never good.

1538
01:20:06,149 --> 01:20:07,541
You know,
guys shouldn't have to fight

1539
01:20:07,715 --> 01:20:11,589
these battles
by themselves, you know.

1540
01:20:11,850 --> 01:20:13,852
Ancient tribes,
they're warriors.

1541
01:20:14,026 --> 01:20:15,549
They came home
to different settings.

1542
01:20:16,289 --> 01:20:18,770
And I think for our veterans,
we need to figure out

1543
01:20:18,944 --> 01:20:21,773
a way to bring
these guys home and let them

1544
01:20:21,947 --> 01:20:24,210
integrate into a society
that understands them.

1545
01:20:25,516 --> 01:20:28,388
There should never be
a military-civilian divide

1546
01:20:28,562 --> 01:20:30,086
or veteran-civilian divide.

1547
01:20:30,260 --> 01:20:33,002
That's just veterans
trying to put up walls.

1548
01:20:33,741 --> 01:20:36,135
I read a good story
from a ranger who wrote it,

1549
01:20:36,701 --> 01:20:38,529
basically said,
"Yeah, I had best friends,

1550
01:20:38,703 --> 01:20:42,402
best brothers in my life
but that was 20 years ago

1551
01:20:42,576 --> 01:20:45,405
and I have 60 years
of my life ahead of me."

1552
01:20:45,579 --> 01:20:47,059
He said, "Is that the last

1553
01:20:47,233 --> 01:20:48,669
of my relationships
I'm ever gonna have?"

1554
01:20:48,844 --> 01:20:50,410
No, you have to build
new relationships.

1555
01:20:50,584 --> 01:20:52,282
You have to find people
that may not be that.

1556
01:20:52,456 --> 01:20:55,241
Now, I still have
a habit of finding veterans

1557
01:20:55,415 --> 01:20:58,114
and they just gravitate
towards each other.

1558
01:20:58,288 --> 01:21:00,986
But I do try to find people that
aren't veterans to engage with.

1559
01:21:01,160 --> 01:21:02,292
You know,
they might think my humor's

1560
01:21:02,466 --> 01:21:03,641
a little sick or weird.

1561
01:21:03,815 --> 01:21:05,382
I probably cuss too much.

1562
01:21:05,556 --> 01:21:07,514
But, you know,
I do try to connect with them

1563
01:21:07,688 --> 01:21:09,429
'cause they're Americans
just like me and you.

1564
01:21:09,603 --> 01:21:12,215
And I want them
to understand what sacrifice is.

1565
01:21:12,389 --> 01:21:13,781
That's why I tell my story

1566
01:21:13,956 --> 01:21:16,393
or parts
of it to anyone that asks.

1567
01:21:17,089 --> 01:21:18,699
It doesn't mean
no good to hold onto it.

1568
01:21:19,526 --> 01:21:21,398
Nobody knows what sacrifice is.

1569
01:21:21,572 --> 01:21:27,708
Nobody knows what the cost
of sending our youth to fight.

1570
01:21:27,883 --> 01:21:31,364
You know, what's the true cost?

1571
01:21:33,192 --> 01:21:34,585
Well, I'll tell
you the true cost.

1572
01:21:35,891 --> 01:21:37,109
People like Heinzic.

1573
01:21:37,849 --> 01:21:39,503
That's whole family's destroyed.

1574
01:21:40,286 --> 01:21:44,160
Boye, a whole
family's devastated.

1575
01:21:44,334 --> 01:21:49,034
[sniffling] You know,
that's the hard part.

1576
01:21:51,210 --> 01:21:54,474
[somber guitar music]

1577
01:22:06,573 --> 01:22:07,923
<i>♪ Trouble dies ♪</i>

1578
01:22:08,097 --> 01:22:09,750
<i>♪ And not out at the rocks ♪</i>

1579
01:22:09,925 --> 01:22:11,448
<i>♪ Does help praise ♪</i>

1580
01:22:11,622 --> 01:22:13,711
<i>♪ As the bullet</i>
<i>shell struck ♪</i>

1581
01:22:14,930 --> 01:22:16,540
<i>♪ Be careful</i>
<i>Don't be eager ♪</i>

1582
01:22:16,714 --> 01:22:18,672
<i>♪ When your fingers</i>
<i>on the trigger ♪</i>

1583
01:22:18,846 --> 01:22:22,763
<i>♪ Out in the open,</i>
<i>and your gun's all you got ♪</i>

1584
01:22:24,200 --> 01:22:27,725
<i>♪ Sin is like a wildfire,</i>
<i>souls are quick to burn ♪</i>

1585
01:22:27,899 --> 01:22:29,466
<i>♪ When will I learn ♪</i>

1586
01:22:29,640 --> 01:22:31,598
<i>♪ That sometimes</i>
<i>pain is underserved ♪</i>

1587
01:22:32,904 --> 01:22:34,514
<i>♪ Be careful</i>
<i>Don't be bitter ♪</i>

1588
01:22:34,688 --> 01:22:36,734
<i>♪ When you</i>
<i>could be a forgiver ♪</i>

1589
01:22:36,908 --> 01:22:40,956
<i>♪ Out in this world left alone</i>
<i>with your thoughts ♪</i>

1590
01:22:42,958 --> 01:22:46,352
<i>♪ And I wish</i>
<i>I could revive my soul ♪</i>

1591
01:22:46,526 --> 01:22:49,965
<i>♪ But maybe I'm too broken ♪</i>

1592
01:22:50,269 --> 01:22:53,620
<i>♪ Don't hold me liable ♪</i>

1593
01:22:53,794 --> 01:22:57,059
<i>♪ If I'm not outspoken ♪</i>

1594
01:22:58,886 --> 01:23:05,284
<i>♪ They say</i>
<i>I'm tribal [indistinct] ♪</i>

1595
01:23:06,372 --> 01:23:13,118
<i>♪ Leading all my life</i>
<i>full revival ♪</i>

1596
01:23:14,815 --> 01:23:20,212
<i>♪ But a broken tribe</i>
<i>is all I know ♪</i>

1597
01:23:25,174 --> 01:23:26,610
<i>♪ Would you care ♪</i>

1598
01:23:26,784 --> 01:23:28,655
<i>♪ To try to understand ♪</i>

1599
01:23:28,829 --> 01:23:33,312
<i>♪ Hurt that was felt</i>
<i>was more in our hands ♪</i>

1600
01:23:33,617 --> 01:23:35,532
<i>♪ Be cautious</i>
<i>when you listen ♪</i>

1601
01:23:35,706 --> 01:23:37,577
<i>♪ 'Cause the tears</i>
<i>don't seem to glisten ♪</i>

1602
01:23:37,751 --> 01:23:41,581
<i>♪ Out in the middle</i>
<i>of the desert sand ♪</i>

1603
01:23:43,105 --> 01:23:44,628
<i>♪ Would you come running ♪</i>

1604
01:23:44,802 --> 01:23:46,673
<i>♪ And show me your love ♪</i>

1605
01:23:46,847 --> 01:23:50,025
<i>♪ If I said the memories</i>
<i>are all creeping up ♪</i>

1606
01:23:51,765 --> 01:23:53,550
<i>♪ Be cautious</i>
<i>with you talking ♪</i>

1607
01:23:53,724 --> 01:23:55,508
<i>♪ Don't you know</i>
<i>that I was walking ♪</i>

1608
01:23:55,682 --> 01:23:59,034
<i>♪ Or carrying weight</i>
<i>of a hurt friend? ♪</i>

1609
01:23:59,208 --> 01:24:01,297
[music fades]