1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:06,923 - I remember when I first started doing stand-up comedy 3 00:00:07,006 --> 00:00:09,926 on the Uptown Comedy Club in Harlem. 4 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 5 00:00:10,009 --> 00:00:12,178 Four months later, I was on TV 6 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:15,432 with my boy Martin Lawrence doing the Def Jam on HBO, 7 00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:16,850 "Word is Bond." 8 00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:19,769 That led me to "Saturday Night Live," 9 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:20,979 where I met Lorne Michaels. 10 00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:23,690 I was instantly famous, and I ain't even know 11 00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:25,108 how to handle it. 12 00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:27,318 I would dance at tabletops at the best nightclubs 13 00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:29,696 like a ghetto superstar. 14 00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:33,575 I would drink champagne from a strange chick's shoe. 15 00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:36,286 I once shitted in my boy's limousine for no reason. 16 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:39,247 I was wild. 17 00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:40,498 That was then. 18 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,000 Now I'm a father of four, a celebrity, 19 00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:45,795 a man that was married for over 20 years, 20 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:49,090 gave out food to the people in the projects where I grew up. 21 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:54,721 Since I almost got killed by that truck, I'm a new man. 22 00:00:54,804 --> 00:00:55,972 Fuck that! 23 00:00:56,055 --> 00:00:58,057 I'm the same old Tray-Bags, 24 00:00:58,141 --> 00:00:59,142 and I'm taking it too far. 25 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:02,395 He is the last OG. 26 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:07,233 Put your hands together for Tracy Morgan! 27 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:14,657 ♪ ♪ 28 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,785 - ♪ Welcome back. ♪ 29 00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:21,247 ♪ Your dreams were your ticket out ♪ 30 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:23,124 ♪ Welcome back ♪ 31 00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:26,836 ♪ To that same old place that you laughed about ♪ 32 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,672 - Oh! 33 00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:30,673 Y'all don't even know. 34 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:33,051 I needed that, man. 35 00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:35,970 I was neglected as a child. 36 00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,806 And I did your real talk, man. 37 00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:41,100 2022, man, a lot of shit went down 38 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:43,770 between the audience members and comedians, man. 39 00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:44,687 You all saw it-- 40 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:50,568 Will Smith, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, 41 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:52,487 Craig Robinson, North Carolina. Y'all saw it. 42 00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:54,656 Now, you know what? 43 00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:56,491 I know why all that shit went down. 44 00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:58,868 Because there's a lack of love. 45 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:02,121 And I'm just here to tell all of y'all, I love you. 46 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:11,089 But this is 2023 now. 47 00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:14,467 If one of you motherfuckers decide to come up here, 48 00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:17,137 I'ma beat the shit out of you. 49 00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:19,889 Then I'm gonna cut you to the fucking white meat. 50 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:23,560 Is that clear? 51 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:26,020 Is that clear? 52 00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:29,566 You can go now. 53 00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:32,402 Just don't go far. 54 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:35,196 God damn it. 55 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,489 Let me tell you something. 56 00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:37,991 If Will Smith were to smack me, 57 00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:41,494 ain't no fucking award show tonight. 58 00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:43,204 You want to get your trophy, Will Smith? 59 00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:44,414 You gotta come to me. 60 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:46,749 Pull up. I'm in Brooklyn, murder avenue. 61 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:49,586 I'm outside. 62 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,963 Because you know if you're a man 63 00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:53,840 and you let another man smack you, 64 00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,425 you know what's next. 65 00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,760 He gonna ask you to suck his dick. 66 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:01,890 Point blank. 67 00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:05,059 You know that smacking shit is a gateway to sucking dick. 68 00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:10,106 Come on, man. 69 00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:12,108 That was a smack heard around the world. 70 00:03:12,191 --> 00:03:14,611 Everybody's talking about the smack. 71 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:15,778 Even motherfuckers fighting the Ukraine War 72 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,615 was talking about the smack. 73 00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:22,118 I blame Jada. 74 00:03:22,201 --> 00:03:23,703 Come on, man. 75 00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:25,955 Everybody know he wanted to smack Chris Rock for years. 76 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:26,998 He'd been one of those-- 77 00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:28,625 everybody in Hollywood know that shit. 78 00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:30,376 I remember I was having tax problems. 79 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,128 I called Will up, and I said, "Yo, Will, 80 00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:33,463 "I'm having problems with my money. 81 00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:34,464 Could you help me out?" 82 00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:35,632 He said, "Yes, this is what you do, Tracy. 83 00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:38,593 "First you get an LLC. 84 00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:40,470 "Then you get an S Corp to cover your LLC. 85 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,138 "That's gonna bring your private trust. 86 00:03:42,221 --> 00:03:43,932 "Most importantly of all, 87 00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:46,017 you smack the shit out of Chris Rock." 88 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,979 He smacked Chris Rock so fucking hard, 89 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,231 Chris Rock had to start dating white women. 90 00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,026 White woman ain't gonna bring it up. 91 00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:56,319 She ain't gonna say shit. 92 00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:57,820 But the first argument with a Black woman, 93 00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,782 she gonna be like, "Ah, 94 00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:03,952 you Mr. Fucking Tough Guy now?" 95 00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:06,037 "You gonna talk that shit to me, 96 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,122 "but you ain't said shit 97 00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:11,501 "when Fresh Prince of fucking Bel-Air 98 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:14,003 "smacked the shit out your ass, nigga. 99 00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:19,342 "Where was Mr. Tough Guy at the fucking Oscars, huh? 100 00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:22,011 "Where was Mr. Tough Guy at the fucking Oscars, huh? 101 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:24,305 "Where was Mr. Tough Guy at the fucking Oscars, huh? 102 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:26,349 "Where was Mr. Tough Guy at the fucking Oscars, huh? 103 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,726 "Where was Mr. Tough Guy at the fucking Oscars, huh? 104 00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,812 Where was Mr. Fucking Tough Guy at the fucking Oscars?" 105 00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:33,606 "Shut the fuck up 'fore I kick your ass." 106 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,650 "Oh! 107 00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:37,443 "You gonna kick my ass? 108 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:40,154 You're gonna ball your fucking fist up at me?" 109 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,450 I'm serious, man. 110 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:46,202 When I got hit by that fucking truck, 111 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,870 I was all fucked up. 112 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,539 I was all fucked, cause I had to learn 113 00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,666 how to walk again, talk again, eat again, and everything. 114 00:04:51,749 --> 00:04:54,544 And I realized that, if I could survive that, 115 00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:56,379 I could survive anything. 116 00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:06,431 Boy, was I fucking wrong! 117 00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:08,725 Because after that, I got hit by a pandemic, 118 00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:12,020 divorce papers, and child support. 119 00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:13,980 And all three of them shits is worse. 120 00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:17,400 I pay a good penny in child support. 121 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:18,735 I pay a good-- 122 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:19,986 I pay a good penny in child support. 123 00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:23,489 Kanye West paid $200,000 a month. 124 00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:25,867 If I got to give a woman $200,000 a month, 125 00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:28,703 you givin' me more kids, nigga. 126 00:05:28,786 --> 00:05:30,079 Because I don't pull out. 127 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:33,082 Pulling out is for college kids. 128 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,793 And I ain't got shit to lose. 129 00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:37,920 I'm not pulling out, man. 130 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,255 That's what you get, because me and Kanye West, 131 00:05:39,338 --> 00:05:42,300 our marriages didn't survive COVID. 132 00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:43,468 You know, that's what you get 133 00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,762 when you fuck with them Kardashians. 134 00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:48,931 Them bitches is a group of demons, man. 135 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,558 You see Lamar Odom, right? 136 00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:51,059 He almost went. 137 00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:53,770 Kanye West is going. 138 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,521 Bruce Jenner is gone. 139 00:05:57,398 --> 00:06:00,068 That nigga paid $2 million for that fucking operation, 140 00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,737 and he's still just the fifth biggest bitch in the house. 141 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:06,908 Now, I'm not cutting my fucking dick off 142 00:06:06,991 --> 00:06:10,870 for nobody, not even you, Jim. 143 00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:12,288 If my dick is this big, it's mine. 144 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,125 And by the way, fellas, if your dick is this big, 145 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:20,129 you should register as a disability. 146 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:23,800 You should be getting SSI, nigga. 147 00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:25,009 You and your fucking ding-a-ling. 148 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:26,177 Come on, man. 149 00:06:27,428 --> 00:06:30,264 And I ain't believe in that fucking COVID shit. 150 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:33,142 My new girl, she took that social distancing shit 151 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,560 too far. 152 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,729 This chick left my crib, and I ain't seen her since. 153 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,357 I call her and said, "Baby, what you doing? 154 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:40,483 You quarantining?" 155 00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:43,444 She said, "Call it what the fuck you want to call it. 156 00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:46,155 I ain't never coming back to you, nigga." 157 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,865 'Cause I ain't believe in that COVID shit. 158 00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,867 I ain't believe it until Idris Elba, 159 00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,661 the Black actor Idris Elba, got it. 160 00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:54,497 I said, "Shit, that hit the fucking fan." 161 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:57,333 My aunt says, "I'd still suck his COVID dick. 162 00:06:57,416 --> 00:06:58,751 I'd suck that COVID dick." 163 00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,545 She just kept saying it like she was proud of it. 164 00:07:00,628 --> 00:07:02,922 "I'd suck that COVID dick." 165 00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:04,340 I said, "Shut the fuck up, Lorraine. 166 00:07:04,423 --> 00:07:07,218 You see these fucking kids sitting right here?" 167 00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:08,845 She said, "So? So? 168 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:11,430 They know I'd suck infected dick." 169 00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:14,433 Nasty bitch. 170 00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:16,185 My fucking cousin was paranoid. 171 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,603 That nigga was paranoid of COVID. 172 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,689 He had his gloves. He had his mask. 173 00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:20,523 He got the shield for extra protection. 174 00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,859 Then he started fucking with this chick, 175 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,026 and she gave him gonorrhea 176 00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:28,114 because he ain't put the condom on. 177 00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:30,032 He has a pre-existing medical condition. 178 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:32,618 Know what it is? He's a stupid motherfucker. 179 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:36,539 Protect every part of your body but your cock. 180 00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,917 Stupid motherfucker. 181 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,753 Walmart took care of me. 182 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:43,713 I ain't gonna front. 183 00:07:43,796 --> 00:07:45,256 Walmart gave me a grip. 184 00:07:45,339 --> 00:07:46,215 They gave me-- they gave me so much money, 185 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,593 I could roll my eyes at white people. 186 00:07:57,476 --> 00:07:58,102 I mean, I made them motherfuckers change 187 00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:00,438 their whole fleet of trucks. 188 00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:02,231 They side view mirror now says, 189 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,609 "Nigga may appear closer than it seems." 190 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,447 They think they done paying me, but we'll see. 191 00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,240 I'll start acting fucked up in four years. 192 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,367 They're gonna hear from my attorney. 193 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:16,412 Tracy tried to fuck his Doberman Pinscher, 194 00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:18,164 and we won $5 million. 195 00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:20,416 The dog won $2 million for pain and suffering. 196 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:25,671 I don't give a fuck, man. 197 00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,089 But you all got problems. 198 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,674 Everybody in this room got trauma. 199 00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,635 Everybody in this fucking room got trauma. 200 00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:32,511 Something happened to everybody in this room. 201 00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:33,763 Everybody in this fucking room, 202 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:36,474 I don't care how cool you look, you got trauma in your life. 203 00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:38,184 You went to camp when you was little? 204 00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,102 Did you go to camp? 205 00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:41,854 You went to camp? You got finger popped? 206 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:47,443 Now every time you see a tree, you get triggered? 207 00:08:47,526 --> 00:08:49,737 We all got fucking baggage. 208 00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:52,281 Everybody in this fucking room got baggage. 209 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,450 Mine's just happened to be Louis Vuitton. 210 00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:58,120 Speaking of Louis Vuitton, see, I can't-- 211 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,706 it's hard for me to date women now 212 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,458 because they all know I got money. 213 00:09:02,541 --> 00:09:03,793 Everybody know I got hit by the truck. 214 00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:05,044 Everybody know that. 215 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:09,298 I thank the Lord it was Walmart and not Walgreens. 216 00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:17,807 I had one chick go and text me in CashApp 217 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:23,145 talking about-- she just said, $3,000, help. 218 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:24,981 Now, I'm a generous man. 219 00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:26,857 You can't just fucking call me, ask for money. 220 00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:29,277 You must have a good story. 221 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,112 I had one fucking chick called me up and said, 222 00:09:31,195 --> 00:09:33,155 "Listen, my son Craigo 223 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,408 "just shot a cop in Paterson, New Jersey. 224 00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:38,369 He's on the run. He's coming straight to you." 225 00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:43,332 I gave her $4,000 immediately. 226 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,167 It was a great story. 227 00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:49,088 She had a great story to it. 228 00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:51,173 I mean, one time, my fucking business manager 229 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,759 gonna call me and say, "Tracy, did you just give 230 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:55,678 a random woman $4,000?" 231 00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:58,097 I texted him back the emoji like this. 232 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,690 I don't care, man. 233 00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,275 I've been fucking divorced twice. 234 00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:10,526 My business manager said, 235 00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:13,195 "If you get married three more times, 236 00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:15,197 the fifth divorce is free." 237 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,408 So we working that out. 238 00:10:18,659 --> 00:10:20,369 It's just hard on the streets. 239 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:24,081 It's hard to be sexy in your 50s. 240 00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:25,499 It's hard! 241 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,710 If you're in your 50s, you know it's hard 242 00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:28,377 because shit starts to change. 243 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,213 You develop that fucking gut. 244 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:34,175 She's gonna develop that FUPA. 245 00:10:34,258 --> 00:10:36,844 She's gonna get that fat over pussy, that girth, 246 00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:38,554 that grandmother girth. 247 00:10:38,637 --> 00:10:40,056 She gotta sit with her legs open 248 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,224 because she got that girth. 249 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:43,351 I mean, she an old woman now. 250 00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:45,227 She got that fucking girth. 251 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,937 She gotta sit like this. 252 00:10:50,649 --> 00:10:52,401 Pregnant women, you know, they get up. 253 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,028 When they get up, they put their pussy first. 254 00:10:54,111 --> 00:10:57,365 They go... 255 00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:59,241 Get that girth. It's hard. 256 00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:01,744 I'm out there. I know. 257 00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:04,038 And if you don't believe how hard it is 258 00:11:04,121 --> 00:11:07,249 to be sexy in your 50s, ask Bobby Brown, 259 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,417 because Bobby Brown was-- 260 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:11,045 he one of the sexiest motherfuckers 261 00:11:11,128 --> 00:11:13,297 in the world one time, right? 262 00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:14,423 Bobby starts singing. 263 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:17,093 White women, Black women, Latin women, they love Bobby. 264 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:18,469 ♪ The truth about a Roni ♪ 265 00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:22,723 ♪ She's a sweet little girl ♪ 266 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,266 ♪ You could treat her right, real nice ♪ 267 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,103 ♪ And hold her tight ♪ 268 00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,480 Women went crazy. 269 00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:32,733 Now that nigga look fucked up. 270 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:33,150 He from out here. 271 00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:35,403 He look busted. 272 00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,488 That nigga look like Buster Douglas. 273 00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:40,199 That nigga look like Reverend TD Jakes 274 00:11:40,282 --> 00:11:42,910 in the group. 275 00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:44,620 That nigga look fucked up. 276 00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:46,914 I mean, New Edition was doing they shit at the concert. 277 00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:49,291 That nigga Bobby look fucked up. 278 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,627 He was struggling. 279 00:11:51,710 --> 00:11:55,089 That nigga's stomach was all big. 280 00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:57,967 Nigga was breathing heavy, out of shape. 281 00:11:58,050 --> 00:11:59,051 Nigga's clothes didn't fit. 282 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,511 This nigga thought he was young Bobby 283 00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:01,637 on the stage talking about-- 284 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,098 ♪ They say I'm crazy ♪ 285 00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:06,475 ♪ I really don't care ♪ 286 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:10,062 ♪ That's my prerogative ♪ 287 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:12,523 ♪ They say I'm crazy ♪ 288 00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:18,571 ♪ I really don't care ♪ 289 00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:21,031 Know what? This one was doing their shit! 290 00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,491 This nigga Bobby was all out of shape, 291 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,286 all fucked up, breathing heavy, 292 00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:28,664 leaning on a drum set. 293 00:12:28,747 --> 00:12:30,499 ♪ They say I'm crazy ♪ 294 00:12:32,751 --> 00:12:35,671 ♪ I really don't care ♪ 295 00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:37,298 They were fucked up. 296 00:12:44,346 --> 00:12:45,890 Y'all women hear that shit? 297 00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:48,767 That's an aphrodisiac, like oysters. 298 00:12:50,227 --> 00:12:52,813 Nigga was fucked up. 299 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,732 I ain't never seen a belly button 300 00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:57,526 that fucking deep. 301 00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,904 This nigga belly button was deep. 302 00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:01,906 You could get discharge on your arm 303 00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:04,158 fucking this nigga in the stomach. 304 00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:06,410 You find all kind of shit in this belly button-- 305 00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:08,829 dice, change, old pictures of Whitney. 306 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:18,714 This nigga belly button was fucking deep. 307 00:13:18,797 --> 00:13:22,259 Fuck that. I love discharge. 308 00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:23,302 I like when that shit drop in your panties. 309 00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:26,764 I put that shit on my salad. 310 00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:27,890 It look just like Parmesan. 311 00:13:30,976 --> 00:13:32,978 Al Green was at the concert, y'all. 312 00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,563 Al Green showed up. 313 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:37,525 That nigga Al Green was sexy back in the day. 314 00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:39,735 ♪ Love and happiness ♪ 315 00:13:39,818 --> 00:13:42,738 ♪ Something that can make you do wrong, make you do right ♪ 316 00:13:42,821 --> 00:13:46,450 That nigga was singing, but he had hernia balls. 317 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,786 Hey had my grandfather balls. 318 00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:52,122 How the fuck your scrotum get that big? 319 00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:55,668 The balls was little, but the scrotum was huge. 320 00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:57,044 The fuck? 321 00:13:57,127 --> 00:13:58,254 My grandfather balls. 322 00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:00,548 I never want my grandfather balls. 323 00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:02,258 I don't want that shit. I want my shit. 324 00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:03,884 That's why I soak my balls in olive oil every night. 325 00:14:07,721 --> 00:14:10,599 Get that inflammation out of there. 326 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:13,644 Gotta get that inflammation out of there, goddammit! 327 00:14:13,727 --> 00:14:16,397 Yeah, from my grandmother, she talked 328 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,774 about my grandfather balls all the time. 329 00:14:18,857 --> 00:14:21,777 "Your grandfather had some big-ass balls." 330 00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:24,113 "Grandma, I don't wanna talk about grandpa balls. 331 00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,114 Oh, fuck." "I thought you said you wanted 332 00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:27,783 to know your family tree, where you come from." 333 00:14:27,866 --> 00:14:29,868 "Yes, I wanna know where I come from." 334 00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:32,413 "You come from your grandfather's big-ass balls." 335 00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:37,334 I don't wanna do that shit. 336 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,920 I want my balls to look right, tight like I'm 16. 337 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,424 I mean, I got a pretty dick, too. 338 00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:44,925 You know, a pretty dick. 339 00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,969 The shaft is skinny, but the head is bulbous. 340 00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:50,306 Big, bulbous dick head. 341 00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:53,392 I got some mean dick. 342 00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:55,102 The mouth of my dick look like this. 343 00:14:57,688 --> 00:15:01,859 Mean dick, hit you with the mean dick, goddamn it. 344 00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:03,110 You want some mean dick? 345 00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:06,697 I don't fuck around. 346 00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:09,241 I don't fucking pull out, goddamn it. 347 00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:10,743 I told y'all that. 348 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:17,416 My grandfather teabagged my grandmother one time 349 00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:20,210 and put her in a fucking coma for six months. 350 00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:24,340 She came out the coma. 351 00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:28,260 He went up to the hospital and teabagged her again, 352 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,679 put her in another fucking coma. 353 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:33,599 The doctor said, "Down goes Frazier." 354 00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:37,811 Hey, I'm from Brooklyn. 355 00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:40,898 I'm from Brooklyn, but it ain't where you from, 356 00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:41,899 it's where you're at. 357 00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:42,399 I'm out here and bossin' with y'all. 358 00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:44,526 I love y'all, man. 359 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,695 I'm from Brooklyn, man. 360 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:47,988 Brooklyn in the house. 361 00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:50,491 You could go to Russia. 362 00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:52,701 They know about Brooklyn, nigga. 363 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,703 Motherfuckers from Brooklyn. Brooklyn is changing. 364 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,830 Brooklyn is becoming gentrified. 365 00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:58,832 Brooklyn is becoming ge-- if you in this room, 366 00:15:58,916 --> 00:15:59,708 and you don't know what gentrification is, 367 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,544 gentrification is when white people 368 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,046 move into your neighborhood, 369 00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:05,881 the property value goes through the roof, 370 00:16:05,964 --> 00:16:08,425 and niggas gotta move out. 371 00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:11,220 I'm sorry, that's just the way the fuck it is. 372 00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:12,930 But since I got hit by that truck, 373 00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:15,057 I'm doing something I never did before. 374 00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:18,060 I'm moving into your fucking neighborhood. 375 00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:20,938 And the property values are gonna plummet. 376 00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:22,564 Rock fucking bottom. 377 00:16:24,983 --> 00:16:26,735 And I'm getting all y'all daughters pregnant. 378 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,197 Gonna be a lot of mulatto kids running around 379 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:31,198 this fucking neighborhood. 380 00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:32,449 And I'm a good daddy. 381 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:33,701 I'll come back every ten years and say, 382 00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:35,577 "I'm your fucking daddy, nigga. 383 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:36,912 Your mama upstairs?" 384 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,542 I'm in my neighborhood. 385 00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:42,960 My fucking white neighbors are heated. 386 00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:44,753 Why the nigga moving next door to me, 387 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,005 bringing my property value down? 388 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:47,923 One of them gonna knock on my door the other day, 389 00:16:48,006 --> 00:16:49,425 talking about, "So what do you do?" 390 00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,427 I said, "About what?" 391 00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:55,764 I know the nigga ain't know who I was. 392 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,558 So I said, "You know the straws you drink 393 00:16:57,641 --> 00:16:59,101 your Coca-Cola with at McDonald's?" 394 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:01,019 He said, "Yeah." I said, "I make those." 395 00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:03,439 He said, "Great, I make the lids. 396 00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:06,233 We should hook up." I said, "Fuck you. 397 00:17:06,316 --> 00:17:10,779 Tray don't hang out with lid makers." 398 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,782 I'm serious, man. 399 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,827 My fucking-- I don't-- as we speak right now, 400 00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:18,245 I don't got a GED. 401 00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:19,455 But you know what I just found out 402 00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:20,414 I live right next door to? 403 00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:23,917 I live right next door to the CEO of Pepsi. 404 00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:26,712 The CEO of Pepsi, she's an Asian woman. 405 00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:29,923 And she came over to my house with a housewarming gift. 406 00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:31,133 And I was thrown 407 00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:31,800 'cause one of the most kindest things 408 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,969 anyone has ever done for me. 409 00:17:34,052 --> 00:17:36,346 And I told her, "First off, I love you. 410 00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,140 "I wish to be a good neighbor to you. 411 00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:39,767 "I won't start no trouble. 412 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,810 "And if you ever need to borrow a cup of sugar, 413 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:46,190 "and your husband is not home... 414 00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:48,817 "please don't hesitate to knock on my door, 415 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,319 because you can get some sugar and some mean dick." 416 00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:58,243 And then I told her, "It would be an honor 417 00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:03,373 for me to one day get hit by one of your trucks." 418 00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:03,957 Fuck that, Walmart. 419 00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:06,752 Pepsi, nigga, I'm paid. 420 00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:07,419 Walmart and Pepsi? 421 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,505 I'm paid. 422 00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:11,048 Paid in full. 423 00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:13,634 Or to the beat, beat, check it out. 424 00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:18,222 I come from a great, great family, 425 00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:19,515 but they were a little dysfunctional. 426 00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:22,017 My family was crazy. 427 00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:24,019 My fucking Aunt Lorraine-- like I told you, 428 00:18:24,102 --> 00:18:24,978 it was hard to date in your 50s. 429 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:27,815 My Aunt Lorraine, she's 54 years old, 430 00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:29,316 can't get a man, can't keep a man. 431 00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:29,983 So she's gonna start watching 432 00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:32,444 that "Life After Lockup" shit. 433 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:33,362 She start watching her "Life"-- 434 00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:36,156 so now she only fucked with men in prison. 435 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,408 I said, "What the fuck is wrong with you, Lorraine? 436 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:40,077 "All these free men out here. 437 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,370 Why don't you date one of them?" 438 00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:43,747 She gonna tell me, "At least I know where mine is at." 439 00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:48,794 "Lights out at 9:00 for mine. 440 00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:50,420 He might be cheating, but it ain't with no woman." 441 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:55,926 Fucked up family. 442 00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:57,219 Then there's my Uncle Clyde. 443 00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:59,888 This motherfucker been in prison for 38 years. 444 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,432 Who the fuck does that? 445 00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,226 38 years? 446 00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:05,644 Come on, 38 years. 447 00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:07,479 And he wrote me a letter, and I received it 448 00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:08,647 when I was in the hospital. 449 00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:10,274 And it said, "Dear Tracy, you're a prince. 450 00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:12,818 "My brother Jimmy did a great job with you. 451 00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:14,278 "I'm glad you're healing and you're getting well. 452 00:19:14,361 --> 00:19:17,239 "And when I find out which truck driver hit you, 453 00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:18,532 I will kill him." 454 00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:24,079 Now we know why you're doing 38 years, you son of a bitch. 455 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,164 "P.S., I'm graduating high school. 456 00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:27,165 Come see me." 457 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,752 You did 38 years in prison 458 00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,045 and you're just getting your GED? 459 00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:33,422 Come on. 460 00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:37,551 So I draw up to see the nigga. 461 00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:38,927 I'm gonna make a connection with him. 462 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:40,470 I don't know him. 38 years in prison. 463 00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:41,263 I don't know who the fuck you are. 464 00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,724 You ain't been a part of my life. 465 00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:45,267 So let me go up there and see this nigga. 466 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,936 So I drove over to the prison, Elmira State Penitentiary. 467 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,439 I went up there to see the nigga. 468 00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,608 I get up there, and the prison system got these niggas 469 00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:54,318 so programmed and fucked up, 470 00:19:54,401 --> 00:19:55,777 they got them actually thinking 471 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,821 they gonna get their diploma and go off to college. 472 00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:00,782 That's not gonna happen. 473 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,618 You gonna get this fucking piece of paper, 474 00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:03,452 and you gonna take yours back to your cell. 475 00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:08,165 It's fucked up. 476 00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:09,708 It got weirder and weirder as I was getting-- 477 00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,460 you know you graduate high school. 478 00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:13,337 You got your cap and gown on, right? 479 00:20:13,420 --> 00:20:16,632 But underneath, these niggas got the state-issued greens. 480 00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:17,466 And you graduate. 481 00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:19,176 You throw your cap up in the air. 482 00:20:19,259 --> 00:20:20,218 Yeah, I graduated! 483 00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:21,720 One nigga got stabbed to death. 484 00:20:24,431 --> 00:20:26,058 It's fucked up. They got these niggas. 485 00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:27,809 They murderers. They kidnappers. 486 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,227 They rapists. 487 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:30,312 They fucking extortion-- all these motherfuckers 488 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:35,609 on a stage singing a graduation song, crying. 489 00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:37,277 These fucking killers is crying. 490 00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:38,278 They up there, 491 00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:41,365 ♪ How do I ♪ 492 00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:44,451 ♪ Say goodbye ♪ 493 00:20:44,534 --> 00:20:48,705 ♪ To what we had? ♪ 494 00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:50,540 I said, "Let me get the fuck out of here, 495 00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:51,833 "'cause one of these murderers is off key, 496 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,460 and he's fucking up the song." 497 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,680 I feel like I'm on my living room with my family, y'all. 498 00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:06,306 Yeah! 499 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:07,474 - Word up, being funny. 500 00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:11,478 We got '80s babies in here? 501 00:21:11,561 --> 00:21:12,688 We got anybody born in the '80s in here? 502 00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:14,731 Make some noise! 503 00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:18,110 You was born in the '80s. 504 00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:20,404 The '80s. 505 00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:24,116 If you was born in the '80s, you are a fucking crack baby. 506 00:21:26,284 --> 00:21:28,745 You fucking crack babies. 507 00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:30,247 You know you're a crack baby. 508 00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:33,542 Look in the mirror, say, "I'm a crack baby." 509 00:21:35,794 --> 00:21:37,045 Fucking crack baby. 510 00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:39,172 Everybody in this room got a crackhead in they family. 511 00:21:39,256 --> 00:21:40,882 I don't give a fuck what color you are, 512 00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:43,719 what class you are, or nothing. 513 00:21:43,802 --> 00:21:45,220 You got a crackhead in your family. 514 00:21:45,303 --> 00:21:48,265 What happened to your ColecoVision? 515 00:21:48,348 --> 00:21:51,685 You know exactly what happened to that microwave. 516 00:21:51,768 --> 00:21:52,644 Gone! 517 00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:56,273 You know crackheads steal shit, 518 00:21:56,356 --> 00:21:59,234 anything that ain't nailed down. 519 00:21:59,317 --> 00:22:01,903 I had a crackhead in my family. His name was DeAndre. 520 00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:04,948 You know you're a crackhead when it's an announcement 521 00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:07,075 you come to the house. 522 00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,411 My aunt was like, "Everybody, DeAndre's in the driveway." 523 00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:12,831 My other aunt said, "Let me get my purse. 524 00:22:12,914 --> 00:22:15,667 "He ain't gonna get me again. He ain't gonna get me again. 525 00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:17,711 "He got me for 40 fucking dollars. 526 00:22:17,794 --> 00:22:19,463 He ain't gonna get me again." 527 00:22:19,546 --> 00:22:21,465 My other aunt was like, "Give him a second chance." 528 00:22:21,548 --> 00:22:24,426 "Bitch, I gave him five second chances. 529 00:22:24,509 --> 00:22:28,930 He stole my son's Tyco Nite Glow racetrack." 530 00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:32,017 My other aunt was, "He ain't gonna change." 531 00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:34,227 You ain't got that aunt that say, "He ain't gonna change." 532 00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:38,607 "He ain't gonna change. He ain't gonna change! 533 00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:40,275 He ain't gonna change." 534 00:22:40,358 --> 00:22:41,693 She made a song of that shit. 535 00:22:41,777 --> 00:22:42,944 ♪ He ain't gonna change ♪ 536 00:22:43,028 --> 00:22:43,945 ♪ He ain't gonna change ♪ 537 00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:47,324 ♪ He ain't gonna change ♪ I said bitch, please. 538 00:22:47,407 --> 00:22:49,409 - Trace, tell 'em about your gay boy. 539 00:22:49,493 --> 00:22:51,244 - Nigga, shut the fuck up! 540 00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:53,789 Fucking tell me what to say up here, nigga. 541 00:22:53,872 --> 00:22:55,123 Shut the fuck up. 542 00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:59,294 Be happy you in the front, nigga. 543 00:22:59,377 --> 00:23:03,548 Yell out at a fucking taping, nigga. 544 00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:04,758 Nigga waiting for that moment. 545 00:23:04,841 --> 00:23:05,175 "Yo, Tray, tell them about"-- 546 00:23:05,258 --> 00:23:07,219 Shut the fuck up. 547 00:23:07,302 --> 00:23:09,262 Stop looking at my shit. 548 00:23:09,346 --> 00:23:12,599 This is something new. 549 00:23:12,682 --> 00:23:16,853 You know, white America is losing they fucking mind again. 550 00:23:16,937 --> 00:23:20,941 Y'all losing your mind 'cause the Little Mermaid is Black. 551 00:23:21,024 --> 00:23:22,859 You saw the fucking commercial. 552 00:23:22,943 --> 00:23:26,196 The Little Mermaid is a nigga. 553 00:23:26,279 --> 00:23:27,864 The Little Mermaid is Black. 554 00:23:27,948 --> 00:23:30,951 It's racist to think that we can't do what you do. 555 00:23:31,034 --> 00:23:32,160 It ain't like she's gonna jump 556 00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:33,328 in the water to save nobody. 557 00:23:33,411 --> 00:23:35,664 She just got her hair done. 558 00:23:35,747 --> 00:23:38,250 And she is not fucking up her perm. 559 00:23:38,333 --> 00:23:39,417 What she will be doing is sitting on the rock, 560 00:23:39,501 --> 00:23:42,838 arguing with Aquaman over child support. 561 00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:44,631 You need to come see your fucking daughters, 562 00:23:44,714 --> 00:23:48,009 Aquaman, Mr. Fucking Aquaman. 563 00:23:48,093 --> 00:23:50,345 You swimming around with sharks and dolphins and shit. 564 00:23:50,428 --> 00:23:52,764 You need to come see your fucking daughter, Aquaman. 565 00:23:52,848 --> 00:23:55,058 Batman been wanting my fucking phone number. 566 00:23:55,142 --> 00:23:57,227 I know I shoulda gave this pussy to Shazam. 567 00:24:01,106 --> 00:24:03,358 Cinderella's next. 568 00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:06,444 Cinderella gonna be wearing box braids. 569 00:24:06,528 --> 00:24:08,071 Some nigga name Leon gonna pick her up in the Cadillac 570 00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:11,324 and take her up to the rib shack. 571 00:24:11,408 --> 00:24:13,702 White people call her Cinderella. 572 00:24:13,785 --> 00:24:15,245 We call her Peaches. 573 00:24:19,416 --> 00:24:21,209 I'm just glad the holidays are over. 574 00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:23,545 I get stressed out with the fucking holidays. 575 00:24:23,628 --> 00:24:26,256 Fucking--Chris-- I don't celebrate Christmas. 576 00:24:26,339 --> 00:24:28,216 Santa Claus real name is Kurt. 577 00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:32,846 He's a registered sex offender out of Salt Lake City, Utah. 578 00:24:32,929 --> 00:24:34,181 Fucking pervert. 579 00:24:34,264 --> 00:24:38,059 That's why he hang out in malls with kids on his lap. 580 00:24:38,143 --> 00:24:39,394 His wife's name is Yvette. 581 00:24:39,477 --> 00:24:40,687 She sucked my dick in Queens. 582 00:24:42,814 --> 00:24:43,732 She used to be a stripper. 583 00:24:43,815 --> 00:24:45,358 Fuck that bitch, man. 584 00:24:45,442 --> 00:24:47,569 Fucking Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. 585 00:24:47,652 --> 00:24:49,821 Everybody here know why his fucking nose was red. 586 00:24:49,905 --> 00:24:51,907 That's that cocaine. 587 00:24:51,990 --> 00:24:55,660 Straight from fucking Bolivia, ain't even been stepped on. 588 00:24:55,744 --> 00:24:56,912 Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. 589 00:24:56,995 --> 00:24:59,080 That's why they won't let him play the little reindeer games: 590 00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:02,042 because he gonna fucking hurt somebody out there. 591 00:25:02,125 --> 00:25:05,003 He's coked out his fucking mind. 592 00:25:05,086 --> 00:25:07,589 He gonna hurt somebody out there. 593 00:25:07,672 --> 00:25:09,090 Certain holidays should be outlawed. 594 00:25:09,174 --> 00:25:11,384 Certain ho--like Halloween. 595 00:25:11,468 --> 00:25:13,136 Just recently, it was in YouTube. 596 00:25:13,220 --> 00:25:15,722 It was all over Instagram. 597 00:25:15,805 --> 00:25:19,100 A six-year-old child shot a teacher. 598 00:25:19,184 --> 00:25:21,102 A six-year-old child shot a teacher. 599 00:25:21,186 --> 00:25:22,896 What fucking kind of world are we living in? 600 00:25:22,979 --> 00:25:23,605 And you want these motherfuckers 601 00:25:23,688 --> 00:25:25,649 to trick or treat at your house? 602 00:25:27,525 --> 00:25:29,069 This past October, 603 00:25:29,152 --> 00:25:30,820 one came and trick or treated at my house. 604 00:25:30,904 --> 00:25:32,697 He ain't even say, trick or treat. 605 00:25:32,781 --> 00:25:34,991 He's supposed to be a ghost, but his sheet was black. 606 00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:36,952 I said, "Who the fuck is you?" He said, "I'm a ghost." 607 00:25:37,035 --> 00:25:38,161 I said, "Why your sheet is black?" 608 00:25:38,245 --> 00:25:38,870 He said, "I'm keeping it real." 609 00:25:41,539 --> 00:25:43,792 This nigga ain't even say "trick or treat." 610 00:25:43,875 --> 00:25:45,418 He just show me the gun. "The bag, nigga." 611 00:25:46,544 --> 00:25:47,837 "Put the candy in the bag, nigga, 612 00:25:47,921 --> 00:25:51,132 before I blow your fucking..." 613 00:25:51,216 --> 00:25:53,635 You can't do that shit. 614 00:25:55,637 --> 00:25:58,473 I gotta let my ladies know that I'm dating again. 615 00:25:58,556 --> 00:26:00,684 I'm dating again. 616 00:26:00,767 --> 00:26:01,268 I'm dating again, man. 617 00:26:01,351 --> 00:26:03,603 My divorce was finalized. 618 00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:05,146 I don't know what y'all females gonna do 619 00:26:05,230 --> 00:26:09,693 with all this dick back out on the market. 620 00:26:09,776 --> 00:26:12,487 I'm dating again. I'm on Tinder. 621 00:26:12,570 --> 00:26:14,781 My Tinder profile is a Walmart truck 622 00:26:14,864 --> 00:26:17,033 dropping off a bag of money on my front lawn. 623 00:26:21,079 --> 00:26:23,373 That's the profile. 624 00:26:23,456 --> 00:26:24,582 I'm a grown man now. 625 00:26:24,666 --> 00:26:26,918 I know what I want in a woman. 626 00:26:27,002 --> 00:26:27,585 I see all the beautiful lady-- 627 00:26:27,669 --> 00:26:29,379 I know what I want in a woman. 628 00:26:29,462 --> 00:26:30,547 My woman has to have low integrity. 629 00:26:33,508 --> 00:26:34,342 Low integrity. 630 00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:35,927 I once dated a woman with integrity, 631 00:26:36,011 --> 00:26:38,471 and she was nothing but fucking trouble. 632 00:26:38,555 --> 00:26:41,224 Always had to fucking answer to shit. 633 00:26:41,308 --> 00:26:42,726 She got to have the low self-esteem. 634 00:26:42,809 --> 00:26:43,310 My lady need low self-esteem. 635 00:26:43,393 --> 00:26:46,646 Her shit gotta be down. 636 00:26:46,730 --> 00:26:49,149 She gotta have serious daddy issues. 637 00:26:49,232 --> 00:26:52,944 She's gotta have a strong fucking neck... 638 00:26:53,028 --> 00:26:54,195 good knees. 639 00:26:54,279 --> 00:26:56,448 She need good knees. 640 00:26:56,531 --> 00:26:58,992 And she gonna be down there, so she need them good knees. 641 00:26:59,075 --> 00:27:00,535 Strong knees, you know what I mean? 642 00:27:02,495 --> 00:27:03,997 Good fucking knees. 643 00:27:04,789 --> 00:27:06,791 Take a long time for me to come. 644 00:27:08,126 --> 00:27:11,129 You're gonna be down there for a minute. 645 00:27:11,212 --> 00:27:12,630 Pack your lunch and all of that. 646 00:27:16,718 --> 00:27:17,761 You're gonna suck this dick. 647 00:27:17,844 --> 00:27:19,220 Your jawbone gonna swell up. 648 00:27:22,849 --> 00:27:23,558 I'm just tired of women telling me 649 00:27:23,641 --> 00:27:25,685 about all of their accomplishments. 650 00:27:25,769 --> 00:27:28,813 "I have an associate's. I have a bachelor." 651 00:27:28,897 --> 00:27:31,399 I be like, "Bitch, are we fucking? 652 00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:35,111 "I ain't getting in bed with you to get no knowledge. 653 00:27:35,195 --> 00:27:37,989 Trying to get this dick sucked, and I got a pretty dick." 654 00:27:42,911 --> 00:27:45,080 I mean, I appreciate it. 655 00:27:45,163 --> 00:27:49,000 There are women in the world that broke the glass ceiling. 656 00:27:49,084 --> 00:27:50,710 They want equal pay. 657 00:27:50,794 --> 00:27:51,252 They want equal rights. 658 00:27:51,336 --> 00:27:53,213 They want equal respect. 659 00:27:53,296 --> 00:27:55,423 And I applaud you. 660 00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:57,050 I applaud you. 661 00:27:57,133 --> 00:27:58,051 But that's not the chick I want. 662 00:28:00,678 --> 00:28:03,264 I'm looking for that gold-digging bitch in the club. 663 00:28:03,348 --> 00:28:06,101 She missin' an eyelash, a fucking broken wing, 664 00:28:06,184 --> 00:28:08,645 missing a stiletto. 665 00:28:08,728 --> 00:28:10,897 She got dry vomit on her halter top. 666 00:28:10,980 --> 00:28:12,607 That's the bitch I'm trying to get into the car. 667 00:28:12,690 --> 00:28:14,275 Come on, baby, I got you. Let's go. 668 00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:15,276 Come on, now. Come on. 669 00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:17,654 I got you. I got that. 670 00:28:17,737 --> 00:28:18,863 That's the bitch. If you're looking 671 00:28:18,947 --> 00:28:21,533 for a Birkin life with no self-respect, 672 00:28:21,616 --> 00:28:22,909 I'm your one-stop shop. 673 00:28:26,704 --> 00:28:28,957 That's me. 674 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,126 I see a lot of couples in here. 675 00:28:31,209 --> 00:28:32,877 I see a lot of couples here. 676 00:28:32,961 --> 00:28:33,420 Y'all look beautiful. 677 00:28:33,503 --> 00:28:36,089 Stay that way, you know? 678 00:28:36,172 --> 00:28:37,632 Stay that way, you know I mean? 679 00:28:37,715 --> 00:28:40,927 My Black girls, my Latin girls, my Asian girls, 680 00:28:41,010 --> 00:28:41,970 my white girls. 681 00:28:42,053 --> 00:28:43,138 ♪ Freaks all over the world ♪ 682 00:28:45,598 --> 00:28:48,143 I love my freaks, man. Y'all look good together. 683 00:28:48,226 --> 00:28:49,561 It's couples, man. I remember-- 684 00:28:49,644 --> 00:28:53,022 I remember having my first girlfriend. 685 00:28:53,106 --> 00:28:54,482 I was about 18, 19 years old. 686 00:28:54,566 --> 00:28:56,568 My first girlfriend, she was the little cutie, 687 00:28:56,651 --> 00:28:59,237 little red bone, had deep, fucking dimples, 688 00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:00,280 had long black hair. 689 00:29:00,363 --> 00:29:01,823 She had green eyes. 690 00:29:01,906 --> 00:29:04,576 She had green fucking eyes. 691 00:29:04,659 --> 00:29:08,079 Only thing fucked up with Dawn was that she had a wooden arm. 692 00:29:09,914 --> 00:29:12,667 Her hand looked like she was holding a cart. 693 00:29:12,750 --> 00:29:15,670 Boy, that was my fucking baby girl. 694 00:29:15,753 --> 00:29:17,464 I remember one time I was caressing her shoulders, 695 00:29:17,547 --> 00:29:19,924 and I got a splinter. 696 00:29:20,008 --> 00:29:22,594 A fucking wooden arm. 697 00:29:22,677 --> 00:29:24,053 Her mom's go to work at night. 698 00:29:24,137 --> 00:29:24,637 Me and her jump right in the shower. 699 00:29:24,721 --> 00:29:26,514 We get out of the shower. 700 00:29:26,598 --> 00:29:28,433 I put lotion all over my body for her. 701 00:29:28,516 --> 00:29:30,351 I was being sexy, put lotion-- this bitch was over there 702 00:29:30,435 --> 00:29:31,811 spraying Pledge. 703 00:29:41,779 --> 00:29:47,327 Went through two cans spraying that Pledge. 704 00:29:47,410 --> 00:29:49,412 That was my baby girl. We used to go out to party. 705 00:29:49,496 --> 00:29:51,539 We used to party hearty. 706 00:29:51,623 --> 00:29:53,291 DJ be like, "Throw your hands in the air.: 707 00:29:53,374 --> 00:29:56,169 This bitch be like, "Hey." 708 00:29:56,252 --> 00:29:58,421 "Wave it like you just don't care." 709 00:30:14,562 --> 00:30:15,355 You know when Black girls get to weaving they hair, 710 00:30:15,438 --> 00:30:17,649 they get the weave pat, right? 711 00:30:17,732 --> 00:30:20,026 This bitch almost knocked herself out 712 00:30:20,109 --> 00:30:21,444 with that weave pat. 713 00:30:21,528 --> 00:30:22,987 We had a bad breakup. 714 00:30:23,071 --> 00:30:25,031 I took my wooden arm back and made a coffee table. 715 00:30:31,454 --> 00:30:33,748 I see a lot of couples in here. Y'all look good. 716 00:30:35,041 --> 00:30:37,210 Hey, everybody got their preference. 717 00:30:37,293 --> 00:30:39,504 Everybody got they preference. 718 00:30:39,587 --> 00:30:40,421 I see all y'all. 719 00:30:40,505 --> 00:30:43,800 Everybody got their preference, you know? 720 00:30:43,883 --> 00:30:46,010 I got my own. I love Dominican women. 721 00:30:46,094 --> 00:30:47,595 I love-- 722 00:30:47,679 --> 00:30:49,931 Ooh, see, they all around. 723 00:30:50,014 --> 00:30:50,265 The DR right here. 724 00:30:50,348 --> 00:30:52,183 That's DR. 725 00:30:52,267 --> 00:30:55,228 You from Sosua? 726 00:30:55,311 --> 00:30:57,355 That's DR. I love DR. 727 00:30:57,438 --> 00:30:59,941 It's something about a Dominican woman 728 00:31:00,024 --> 00:31:02,068 when they go, "Ay, papi." 729 00:31:03,319 --> 00:31:05,029 "Ay, papi." 730 00:31:05,113 --> 00:31:07,198 That get my dick so fucking hard. 731 00:31:07,282 --> 00:31:08,783 She like, "Ay, papi." 732 00:31:08,866 --> 00:31:10,285 I'm remember one time, I was having dinner 733 00:31:10,368 --> 00:31:11,703 with this Dominican woman, 734 00:31:11,786 --> 00:31:12,412 and she ain't appreciate the fact that she was having 735 00:31:12,495 --> 00:31:14,747 dinner with Tracy Morgan. 736 00:31:14,831 --> 00:31:16,958 She's gonna say to me, "papi, 737 00:31:17,041 --> 00:31:18,918 I need $1,080 to pay my rent." 738 00:31:19,002 --> 00:31:22,755 I said, "That's where you fucked up from the gate. 739 00:31:22,839 --> 00:31:24,799 "You fucking the wrong nigga. 740 00:31:24,882 --> 00:31:26,884 You should be fucking your landlord." 741 00:31:29,220 --> 00:31:30,638 She said, "Ay, papi." 742 00:31:30,722 --> 00:31:33,016 I said, "Let me pay this bitch rent. 743 00:31:33,099 --> 00:31:34,767 "Fucking around with this shit. 744 00:31:34,851 --> 00:31:36,894 Goddamn it. What you need, two months?" 745 00:31:40,023 --> 00:31:42,150 One time, I met this fucking Dominican woman. 746 00:31:42,233 --> 00:31:42,817 Just got off the boat, ain't speak 747 00:31:42,900 --> 00:31:45,695 no fucking English, not a drop. 748 00:31:45,778 --> 00:31:47,822 So in my mind, I said, "Ooh, 749 00:31:47,905 --> 00:31:49,365 "I could talk nasty to this chick 750 00:31:49,449 --> 00:31:51,242 "and she won't even understand. 751 00:31:51,326 --> 00:31:55,330 So I said to her, "I'ma eat your pussy till I burp." 752 00:31:55,413 --> 00:31:57,999 She said, "Sí, sí, sí, sí." 753 00:31:58,082 --> 00:31:58,666 I said, "Then I'ma make you suck 754 00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:01,044 this big bulbous dickhead." 755 00:32:01,127 --> 00:32:03,004 She said, "Sí, sí, sí, sí." 756 00:32:03,087 --> 00:32:05,840 I said, "Then I'ma fuck the shit out of you." 757 00:32:05,923 --> 00:32:06,924 She said, "Sí, sí, sí." 758 00:32:07,008 --> 00:32:09,302 And then she said, "Then you gonna give me 759 00:32:09,385 --> 00:32:11,512 $1,080 to pay my rent." 760 00:32:11,596 --> 00:32:13,222 I go "Oh, shit! 761 00:32:13,306 --> 00:32:15,266 She know how to talk English quick." 762 00:32:15,350 --> 00:32:19,437 She said, "Sí, sí, sí, sí." 763 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:21,648 I love Dominicans, man. 764 00:32:21,731 --> 00:32:23,650 I spend more money on Dominicans 765 00:32:23,733 --> 00:32:25,610 than the Yankees spend on their farm team. 766 00:32:29,030 --> 00:32:34,410 I love them from DR. I'm divorced now, so I'm free. 767 00:32:34,494 --> 00:32:35,536 I got two women in my life that I'm dealing with, 768 00:32:35,620 --> 00:32:36,871 one Black and one Dominican. 769 00:32:36,954 --> 00:32:40,792 My Latin lover, she calls me her mi amor. 770 00:32:40,875 --> 00:32:42,919 She says, you are my mi amor. 771 00:32:43,002 --> 00:32:44,754 My Black woman goes, "This nigga!" 772 00:32:47,965 --> 00:32:49,717 I'm telling you, I had to let one--one time, 773 00:32:49,801 --> 00:32:52,136 I had to let a Dominican woman go. 774 00:32:52,220 --> 00:32:53,388 She reprogrammed my fucking remote control 775 00:32:53,471 --> 00:32:56,641 to all Spanish. 776 00:32:56,724 --> 00:32:59,769 I don't want to look at "The First 48" in subtitles. 777 00:33:01,479 --> 00:33:04,732 How the fuck I'ma know who shot Trayvon seven times 778 00:33:04,816 --> 00:33:07,235 in front of the 7-Eleven in Memphis? 779 00:33:09,237 --> 00:33:10,530 Fucking wanna read. 780 00:33:10,613 --> 00:33:10,988 That's why I dropped out of high school. 781 00:33:13,116 --> 00:33:14,659 I ain't feel like reading. 782 00:33:16,327 --> 00:33:19,747 I'm telling you, man, Dominican women. 783 00:33:19,831 --> 00:33:22,166 I love a Domi-- but no more young girls. 784 00:33:22,250 --> 00:33:22,917 - Papi! - No more young girls. 785 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:24,711 No more--there's a young Black-- 786 00:33:24,794 --> 00:33:27,130 they wiling out back there. 787 00:33:27,213 --> 00:33:29,757 Fucking young girls. 788 00:33:29,841 --> 00:33:32,135 Young girls, they want too much for $2. 789 00:33:34,053 --> 00:33:36,597 $2. Come on, man. 790 00:33:36,681 --> 00:33:37,932 Young girls is aggressive, 791 00:33:38,015 --> 00:33:39,100 and they know what the fuck they want. 792 00:33:39,183 --> 00:33:42,562 I have one say, "I'm not fucking around, okay? 793 00:33:42,645 --> 00:33:45,481 "I want my eggs cracked, meaning I want a child. 794 00:33:45,565 --> 00:33:47,859 "I want my name dropped, meaning I want to be married. 795 00:33:47,942 --> 00:33:50,611 "I'm not fucking with you, okay? 796 00:33:50,695 --> 00:33:52,029 "I'm not your bed maiden. 797 00:33:52,113 --> 00:33:53,114 "I'm not your maid. 798 00:33:53,197 --> 00:33:54,198 "I'm not your floozy. 799 00:33:54,282 --> 00:33:55,616 "I'm not your other bitch. 800 00:33:55,700 --> 00:33:56,492 "I'm gonna need something 801 00:33:56,576 --> 00:33:58,077 "a little bit more substantial from you. 802 00:33:58,161 --> 00:33:59,829 "Now, I know I'm not all there. 803 00:33:59,912 --> 00:34:01,122 "Sometimes I wig out. 804 00:34:01,205 --> 00:34:05,042 But I know one thing: I am good to you." 805 00:34:05,126 --> 00:34:06,169 And then I told her, 806 00:34:06,252 --> 00:34:08,963 "I just want a Big Mac, small fries, and a Coke. 807 00:34:09,047 --> 00:34:12,300 "I don't know you. I don't know your life. 808 00:34:12,383 --> 00:34:15,011 "I just would like a Big Mac, small fries, and a Coke. 809 00:34:15,094 --> 00:34:16,888 "Please put napkins in the bag 810 00:34:16,971 --> 00:34:18,181 "and give me six extra barbecue sauces 811 00:34:18,264 --> 00:34:21,809 because my daughter just ordered some chicken nuggets." 812 00:34:23,853 --> 00:34:26,355 "That's all I want." 813 00:34:27,065 --> 00:34:29,817 No more fucking young girls. 814 00:34:29,901 --> 00:34:31,152 Young girls is crazy. 815 00:34:31,235 --> 00:34:33,488 They either wanna go to the club and dance all night, 816 00:34:33,571 --> 00:34:35,072 or they wanna go home and fuck. 817 00:34:35,156 --> 00:34:36,491 Now, I'm 54 years old. 818 00:34:36,574 --> 00:34:37,825 I ain't got the energy for that shit. 819 00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:38,409 It's either one or the other. 820 00:34:40,953 --> 00:34:41,454 You want to go to the club and dance all night? 821 00:34:41,537 --> 00:34:43,831 Cool. 822 00:34:43,915 --> 00:34:45,541 You get two songs, and one of them better be slow. 823 00:34:47,376 --> 00:34:48,544 You want to go home and fuck, 824 00:34:48,628 --> 00:34:50,546 you get six strokes and a bullshit excuse. 825 00:34:51,964 --> 00:34:54,425 You know I got shit to do the morning. 826 00:34:54,509 --> 00:34:55,551 Craig and them bringing that truck down, 827 00:34:55,635 --> 00:34:59,514 and, we got to move all that furniture off the block. 828 00:34:59,597 --> 00:35:02,517 I don't fuck with no more young girls. 829 00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:05,520 I don't even go to strip clubs no fucking more. 830 00:35:05,603 --> 00:35:06,479 I'll be in the strip club pushing females 831 00:35:06,562 --> 00:35:08,481 off my fucking lap. 832 00:35:08,564 --> 00:35:09,857 The fuck off my lap! 833 00:35:09,941 --> 00:35:13,194 You know my sciatica is acting up. 834 00:35:14,278 --> 00:35:18,366 I told you last night it was gonna flare up. 835 00:35:18,449 --> 00:35:19,367 God dammit, don't fucking play with me. 836 00:35:21,327 --> 00:35:23,746 But I must say some of y'all look good in them fucking-- 837 00:35:23,830 --> 00:35:26,707 them jogging pants, them yoga-- 838 00:35:26,791 --> 00:35:28,334 them fucking tight and-- 839 00:35:28,417 --> 00:35:30,044 some of y'all look good. 840 00:35:30,127 --> 00:35:32,255 Some of y'all good in them yoga pants. 841 00:35:32,338 --> 00:35:34,298 I'ma tell you, man, with the hips 842 00:35:34,382 --> 00:35:37,009 and the thighs and the ass and fucking camel toe. 843 00:35:37,093 --> 00:35:38,803 I don't want a camel toe. 844 00:35:38,886 --> 00:35:39,428 I want an elephant foot. 845 00:35:41,806 --> 00:35:44,141 I want a wildebeest hoof. 846 00:35:47,395 --> 00:35:48,437 I want an alligator paw. 847 00:35:50,982 --> 00:35:52,733 I had one girl, her feet was bad. 848 00:35:52,817 --> 00:35:54,026 You gotta have pretty feet for me. 849 00:35:54,110 --> 00:35:56,654 As a woman, your feet gotta be impeccable. 850 00:35:56,737 --> 00:35:59,031 You can't come in and take your shoes off in my house, 851 00:35:59,115 --> 00:36:00,658 and your fucking feet look like fucking monkey hands. 852 00:36:00,741 --> 00:36:02,451 I don't want that. 853 00:36:03,995 --> 00:36:05,329 Chimpanzee hands. 854 00:36:06,747 --> 00:36:08,249 And if your feet is pretty, 855 00:36:08,332 --> 00:36:10,459 I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you doggy style. 856 00:36:10,543 --> 00:36:11,460 I'ma give you the baboon ass. 857 00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:15,172 That shit go into that big pink baboon ass. 858 00:36:22,847 --> 00:36:25,141 I'm changing over a new leaf. 859 00:36:25,224 --> 00:36:26,809 I'm changing over a new leaf now, man. 860 00:36:26,893 --> 00:36:28,185 No more young girls. 861 00:36:28,269 --> 00:36:31,022 I only wanna fuck with old broads, 862 00:36:31,105 --> 00:36:33,816 75, 80. 863 00:36:33,900 --> 00:36:35,276 Old broads. 864 00:36:35,359 --> 00:36:37,612 She takes her teeth out before she suck your dick. 865 00:36:37,695 --> 00:36:38,821 That's what I want. 866 00:36:38,905 --> 00:36:40,448 I love an old fucking broad. 867 00:36:40,531 --> 00:36:43,534 Ooh, old broads. 868 00:36:43,618 --> 00:36:45,494 Oh my god, she smoked Pall Mall cigarettes, 869 00:36:45,578 --> 00:36:46,621 no filter. 870 00:36:46,704 --> 00:36:48,289 Old school. 871 00:36:48,372 --> 00:36:52,418 She got an old broad name like Blanche or Beatrice. 872 00:36:54,170 --> 00:36:55,004 Old broad. 873 00:36:55,087 --> 00:36:58,382 She got that fucking Louis Armstrong cough. 874 00:36:58,466 --> 00:36:59,216 Her voice, she talk like... 875 00:36:59,300 --> 00:37:00,801 "How you doing, Tracy? 876 00:37:00,885 --> 00:37:01,886 "I love you, baby. 877 00:37:01,969 --> 00:37:04,388 "Let me get my cigarettes, please. 878 00:37:04,472 --> 00:37:06,140 I love you, baby." 879 00:37:06,223 --> 00:37:07,308 She got that old woman voice. 880 00:37:07,391 --> 00:37:08,809 "I love you, baby." 881 00:37:08,893 --> 00:37:11,354 I say some funny shit, she started laughing. 882 00:37:17,443 --> 00:37:20,821 ♪ I see trees of green ♪ 883 00:37:20,905 --> 00:37:24,325 ♪ Red roses too ♪ 884 00:37:24,408 --> 00:37:28,287 ♪ Sky's got a bloom for me and you ♪ 885 00:37:28,371 --> 00:37:34,377 ♪ And I think to myself, what a wonderful world ♪ 886 00:37:34,460 --> 00:37:37,254 Old fucking broad, that's my shit. 887 00:37:37,338 --> 00:37:39,257 She got them fucking varicose veins 888 00:37:39,340 --> 00:37:41,884 everywhere, blue veins. 889 00:37:41,968 --> 00:37:43,386 I love white titties and blue veins. 890 00:37:43,469 --> 00:37:47,056 I love white titties 'cause they look like lunch meat. 891 00:37:51,435 --> 00:37:53,187 Got fucking varicose veins everywhere, 892 00:37:53,270 --> 00:37:54,271 even the back of her legs. 893 00:37:54,355 --> 00:37:56,190 I was fucking this old broad one time. 894 00:37:56,273 --> 00:37:59,360 The back of her legs looked like a map of the 1700s. 895 00:38:02,738 --> 00:38:04,865 I love that shit. 896 00:38:04,949 --> 00:38:07,868 I love a old broad. 897 00:38:07,952 --> 00:38:09,537 I fucked this--I told my brother the other day, 898 00:38:09,620 --> 00:38:11,998 I fucked this old broad so hard one time, I put her to sleep. 899 00:38:12,081 --> 00:38:12,748 My brother said, "Nigga, she was asleep 900 00:38:12,832 --> 00:38:15,543 "before y'all started. 901 00:38:15,626 --> 00:38:18,004 She was just taking a nap, nigga." 902 00:38:21,007 --> 00:38:22,550 I love a old broad. 903 00:38:22,633 --> 00:38:24,719 She suffers from emphysema, 904 00:38:24,802 --> 00:38:27,847 pushing that fucking oxygen tank around all fucking day. 905 00:38:27,930 --> 00:38:29,682 She wear one of these shits right here. 906 00:38:47,491 --> 00:38:48,617 Love a old fucking broad. 907 00:38:51,871 --> 00:38:54,123 Old broad got big clits. 908 00:38:55,332 --> 00:38:56,292 You ever seen an old broad clit? 909 00:38:56,375 --> 00:38:59,545 It looked like little ding-a-ling down there. 910 00:38:59,628 --> 00:39:01,047 Her clit look like steak. 911 00:39:03,549 --> 00:39:04,925 That's that gravity pulling on. 912 00:39:05,009 --> 00:39:07,428 Used to be innie, now it's an outie. 913 00:39:07,511 --> 00:39:08,721 Big clit. 914 00:39:08,804 --> 00:39:11,098 Big clit. 915 00:39:11,182 --> 00:39:13,476 The gravity pulling it down on it. 916 00:39:13,559 --> 00:39:14,602 Just like dick. 917 00:39:14,685 --> 00:39:16,520 When you was in high school, that dick get hard. 918 00:39:16,604 --> 00:39:18,439 Remember when your dick used to get hard? 919 00:39:18,522 --> 00:39:22,276 You faint off the rope in gym because your dick get hard. 920 00:39:22,359 --> 00:39:25,738 But then you get in your 50s, your shit get flaccid. 921 00:39:25,821 --> 00:39:27,323 It still get thick, but it don't get hard. 922 00:39:27,406 --> 00:39:28,616 It just be flaccid. 923 00:39:31,202 --> 00:39:32,703 And old broads, they freaks. 924 00:39:32,787 --> 00:39:34,914 Wheaty beaty bing-bong freaks. 925 00:39:34,997 --> 00:39:37,041 They love the 69. 926 00:39:37,124 --> 00:39:39,418 Old broads sit on your face. 927 00:39:39,502 --> 00:39:41,212 And she put that big clit down your throat, 928 00:39:41,295 --> 00:39:42,797 you gonna be gagging. 929 00:39:46,467 --> 00:39:49,386 Every time you gag, your butthole close. 930 00:39:51,889 --> 00:39:54,475 Your mascara run. 931 00:39:56,143 --> 00:39:56,644 Your eyes get watery. 932 00:40:01,690 --> 00:40:02,566 You take that clit out your mouth. 933 00:40:02,650 --> 00:40:04,819 You got that long spit chained connected to it. 934 00:40:09,615 --> 00:40:12,326 She at the other end, sucking on your big flaccid dick. 935 00:40:12,409 --> 00:40:15,037 Look like she got a mouth full of Laffy Taffy. 936 00:40:15,121 --> 00:40:17,623 Mouth full of bubblegum. 937 00:40:20,793 --> 00:40:23,712 I fucked an old broad so hard one time, 938 00:40:23,796 --> 00:40:26,048 her Apple Watch detected a car crash. 939 00:40:31,595 --> 00:40:35,224 Old broads got big pussy lips, big pussy lips. 940 00:40:35,307 --> 00:40:38,185 Old broad got them big pussy lips. 941 00:40:38,269 --> 00:40:40,729 She got them old broad pussy lips. 942 00:40:40,813 --> 00:40:43,607 Her pussy lips look like the sleeve of a wizard. 943 00:40:46,777 --> 00:40:49,029 Look like Merlin's sleeve. 944 00:40:49,113 --> 00:40:50,698 You gag. 945 00:40:50,781 --> 00:40:54,743 What is this sorcery? 946 00:40:54,827 --> 00:40:56,871 There's something magical happening here. 947 00:41:02,293 --> 00:41:04,879 Old broads got deep pussy queefs. 948 00:41:04,962 --> 00:41:06,130 Some of y'all know. 949 00:41:06,213 --> 00:41:08,507 Y'all know what a queef is. 950 00:41:08,591 --> 00:41:09,466 Y'all heard it. 951 00:41:09,550 --> 00:41:10,843 We love that queef. 952 00:41:10,926 --> 00:41:12,595 We like, yeah, talk to me, goddamn it. 953 00:41:12,678 --> 00:41:14,889 That old broad sit on your big, flaccid dick. 954 00:41:14,972 --> 00:41:17,224 All you gonna hear is-- 955 00:41:18,601 --> 00:41:22,563 She too old to bounce on it, so she gonna rock on it. 956 00:41:27,985 --> 00:41:29,904 Sound like a Saint Bernard sleeping by the fireplace. 957 00:41:40,998 --> 00:41:42,708 Long, deep queef. 958 00:41:50,549 --> 00:41:52,760 A old broad can multitask. 959 00:41:52,843 --> 00:41:54,094 Old broads can multitask. 960 00:41:54,178 --> 00:41:55,095 She be riding that dick. 961 00:41:56,889 --> 00:42:00,142 Ooh, I got a brisket in the oven. 962 00:42:00,226 --> 00:42:01,518 She baste that brisket, then sit back 963 00:42:01,602 --> 00:42:02,978 on that flaccid dick. 964 00:42:05,689 --> 00:42:08,275 Remind me to turn that off in 20 minutes. 965 00:42:13,656 --> 00:42:16,408 I fucked a old broad wearing a Life Alert one time. 966 00:42:18,077 --> 00:42:20,120 "What is your emergency? This is Life Alert." 967 00:42:20,204 --> 00:42:22,957 "Yeah, I just sat on a big black flaccid dick, 968 00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:24,583 and I can't get up." 969 00:42:32,258 --> 00:42:35,010 You sick son of a bitches. 970 00:42:39,223 --> 00:42:42,685 I know what my calling is. 971 00:42:42,768 --> 00:42:45,646 I know what I'm supposed to be doing on this Earth. 972 00:42:45,729 --> 00:42:47,690 I know why he spared my life in that accident 973 00:42:47,773 --> 00:42:49,567 because I'm supposed to be here making y'all laugh. 974 00:42:49,650 --> 00:42:50,776 Let's share a laugh. 975 00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:52,569 Let's share a laugh. 976 00:42:52,653 --> 00:42:55,781 Before we leave this motherfucker, let's laugh. 977 00:43:06,792 --> 00:43:12,006 Who the fuck wanna live in a world without Tracy Morgan? 978 00:43:12,089 --> 00:43:13,507 Who wanna do that? 979 00:43:13,590 --> 00:43:14,842 Could you imagine me doing anything else? 980 00:43:14,925 --> 00:43:16,927 - No. 981 00:43:17,011 --> 00:43:18,012 - Could you imagine me working 982 00:43:18,095 --> 00:43:19,430 in an emergency room in a hospital? 983 00:43:19,513 --> 00:43:21,223 - Hell, no! 984 00:43:21,307 --> 00:43:23,142 - Doctor be like, "Tracy, we have to get this patient 985 00:43:23,225 --> 00:43:24,560 into emergency stat." 986 00:43:24,643 --> 00:43:27,187 "Man, don't fucking yell at me. 987 00:43:27,271 --> 00:43:28,355 "I don't give a fuck about that doctor shit. 988 00:43:28,439 --> 00:43:30,149 "Don't be fucking yelling at me, man. 989 00:43:30,232 --> 00:43:32,818 "I got 15 more minutes on my lunch break. 990 00:43:32,901 --> 00:43:36,363 "That nigga broke both his legs. Where the fuck he going? 991 00:43:36,447 --> 00:43:38,532 "Fucking yell at me. That's that bullshit. 992 00:43:38,615 --> 00:43:40,617 It's the same reason why I left Foot Locker." 993 00:43:44,121 --> 00:43:46,540 This is not my first job. 994 00:43:46,623 --> 00:43:49,710 I used to work at McDonald's just like y'all. 995 00:43:49,793 --> 00:43:51,545 Young nigga trying to earn money. 996 00:43:51,628 --> 00:43:52,921 Worked right at McDonald's. 997 00:43:53,005 --> 00:43:54,631 Let me tell you something, my manager was pussy. 998 00:43:54,715 --> 00:43:57,843 I had that nigga under pressure, Brooklyn style. 999 00:43:57,926 --> 00:43:59,678 I had him under pressure. 1000 00:43:59,762 --> 00:44:01,013 I was filling out the application. 1001 00:44:01,096 --> 00:44:02,222 "Tracy, do you wanna drop fries, 1002 00:44:02,306 --> 00:44:04,975 "do you wanna make Big Macs, 1003 00:44:05,059 --> 00:44:06,143 or do you wanna take out garbage?" 1004 00:44:06,226 --> 00:44:09,021 I said, "Nigga, I need to be on the cash register. 1005 00:44:09,104 --> 00:44:11,190 How the fuck else I'ma get paid?" 1006 00:44:11,273 --> 00:44:16,070 Yo, my cash register came up short $76 every fucking day. 1007 00:44:17,112 --> 00:44:19,114 He gonna say, "Tracy, you're short again." 1008 00:44:19,198 --> 00:44:20,115 I said, "Are you trying to say I'm stealing, nigga? 1009 00:44:20,199 --> 00:44:21,700 Huh, huh, huh, huh?" 1010 00:44:21,784 --> 00:44:26,205 Said "No, but you're making the same mistake every day." 1011 00:44:26,288 --> 00:44:28,916 Just like Red Lobster. Fuck Red Lobster. 1012 00:44:28,999 --> 00:44:30,709 Try to get me to sing "Happy Birthday" 1013 00:44:30,793 --> 00:44:33,545 to niggas I don't know. 1014 00:44:33,629 --> 00:44:34,755 I don't even know these niggas. 1015 00:44:34,838 --> 00:44:36,131 I ain't signing no fucking "Happy Birthday" 1016 00:44:36,215 --> 00:44:38,258 to these niggas, man. I ain't no singer. 1017 00:44:38,342 --> 00:44:41,303 You want to singer, hire one of the Temptations, nigga. 1018 00:44:41,387 --> 00:44:43,472 What? I must sing? 1019 00:44:43,555 --> 00:44:45,015 I must sing? 1020 00:44:45,099 --> 00:44:47,059 My sing--I must sing? 1021 00:44:47,142 --> 00:44:49,937 ♪ They say I'm crazy ♪ 1022 00:44:50,020 --> 00:44:52,022 ♪ I really don't care ♪ 1023 00:44:52,106 --> 00:44:53,774 Happy birthday, motherfucker. 1024 00:45:00,614 --> 00:45:02,783 Tell y'all something, man. 1025 00:45:02,866 --> 00:45:03,951 If y'all niggas see me dancing in my drawers 1026 00:45:04,034 --> 00:45:08,414 in my kitchen on TikTok, all that Walmart money is gone. 1027 00:45:12,042 --> 00:45:13,794 I tricked all of that shit up. 1028 00:45:16,255 --> 00:45:18,674 Y'all remember--y'all remember when Dave my man-- 1029 00:45:18,757 --> 00:45:22,136 my main man Dave Chappelle got attacked 1030 00:45:22,219 --> 00:45:23,721 while he was performing on stage? 1031 00:45:23,804 --> 00:45:26,515 And everybody said that dude went crazy. 1032 00:45:26,598 --> 00:45:29,309 Yeah, I get it. I went crazy, too. 1033 00:45:29,393 --> 00:45:32,187 I just did 12 minutes on fucking an elderly woman. 1034 00:45:34,273 --> 00:45:36,275 And I wrote that shit when I was quarantining. 1035 00:45:39,653 --> 00:45:42,030 Yo, listen, COVID did a number on all of us. 1036 00:45:42,114 --> 00:45:43,657 Thank the Lord we outside now. 1037 00:45:43,740 --> 00:45:44,825 Niggas ain't got no mask on. 1038 00:45:44,908 --> 00:45:46,493 We doing it. 1039 00:45:46,577 --> 00:45:49,621 To me, shit is normal again. 1040 00:45:49,705 --> 00:45:50,998 You can eat pussy without getting sick. 1041 00:45:53,792 --> 00:45:55,752 Left that nigga in the house for three years 1042 00:45:55,836 --> 00:46:00,340 looking at Instagram, looking at Instagram. 1043 00:46:00,424 --> 00:46:01,800 Everything on Instagram is a fucking lie. 1044 00:46:01,884 --> 00:46:04,678 If you were here right now, you're looking at Instagram 1045 00:46:04,761 --> 00:46:06,638 and you fucking glued to that shit, 1046 00:46:06,722 --> 00:46:08,056 you're watching a lie. 1047 00:46:08,140 --> 00:46:08,640 That shit is a lie. 1048 00:46:13,270 --> 00:46:15,647 DJ Khalid is not that fucking happy. 1049 00:46:17,774 --> 00:46:20,819 That nigga just as miserable as all of us. 1050 00:46:20,903 --> 00:46:21,945 He's not. 1051 00:46:22,029 --> 00:46:24,031 Everybody on Instagram act like they could tell you 1052 00:46:24,114 --> 00:46:26,575 some shit that can make your life more successful. 1053 00:46:26,658 --> 00:46:28,869 Bullshit. Look at me. 1054 00:46:28,952 --> 00:46:31,997 Look at me! I had my first son at 17, okay? 1055 00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:33,499 I dropped out of high school. 1056 00:46:33,582 --> 00:46:34,166 My father died of AIDS. 1057 00:46:34,249 --> 00:46:35,375 I sold crack. 1058 00:46:35,459 --> 00:46:37,711 I got arrested a few times. 1059 00:46:37,794 --> 00:46:38,545 And on top of all of that shit, 1060 00:46:38,629 --> 00:46:41,465 I got hit by a fucking Walmart truck. 1061 00:46:43,342 --> 00:46:44,801 Now, I'm not in here telling nobody 1062 00:46:44,885 --> 00:46:46,512 to drop out of high school and not get their education 1063 00:46:46,595 --> 00:46:49,890 and get hit by Walmart truck. 1064 00:46:49,973 --> 00:46:51,391 But look how your boy turned out. 1065 00:46:53,852 --> 00:46:55,729 Yo, I love you. My name is Tracy Morgan. 1066 00:46:55,812 --> 00:46:57,564 Please give my love. Thanks for coming out. 1067 00:46:57,648 --> 00:47:00,359 And thank you for letting me be me. 1068 00:47:08,367 --> 00:47:12,287 ♪ ♪ 1069 00:47:12,371 --> 00:47:16,041 - ♪ Welcome back ♪ 1070 00:47:16,124 --> 00:47:20,087 ♪ Your dreams were your ticket out ♪ 1071 00:47:20,170 --> 00:47:21,922 ♪ Welcome back 1072 00:47:22,005 --> 00:47:26,426 ♪ To that same old place that you laughed about ♪ 1073 00:47:26,510 --> 00:47:28,804 ♪ Well the names have all changed ♪ 1074 00:47:28,887 --> 00:47:31,014 ♪ Since you hung around ♪ 1075 00:47:31,098 --> 00:47:33,267 ♪ But those dreams have remained ♪ 1076 00:47:33,350 --> 00:47:35,602 ♪ And they've turned around ♪ 1077 00:47:35,686 --> 00:47:36,937 ♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead you ♪ 1078 00:47:37,020 --> 00:47:39,356 - ♪ Who'd have thought they'd lead you ♪ 1079 00:47:39,439 --> 00:47:40,774 - ♪ Back here where we need you ♪ 1080 00:47:40,857 --> 00:47:43,652 - ♪ Back here where we need you ♪ 1081 00:47:43,735 --> 00:47:45,571 - ♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪ 1082 00:47:45,654 --> 00:47:47,489 ♪ 'Cause we got him on the spot ♪ 1083 00:47:47,573 --> 00:47:49,866 ♪ Welcome back ♪ 1084 00:47:49,950 --> 00:47:51,285 ♪ Welcome back, welcome back ♪ 1085 00:47:51,368 --> 00:47:54,204 ♪ Welcome back ♪ 1086 00:47:54,288 --> 00:47:56,373 - ♪ Welcome back, welcome back ♪ 1087 00:47:56,456 --> 00:47:58,500 - ♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪ 1088 00:47:58,584 --> 00:48:02,254 - ♪ Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back ♪ 1089 00:48:02,337 --> 00:48:04,631 ♪ Welcome back, welcome back ♪ 1090 00:48:04,715 --> 00:48:06,842 - ♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪ 1091 00:48:06,925 --> 00:48:09,303 - ♪ Welcome back, welcome back ♪ 1092 00:48:09,386 --> 00:48:11,013 - ♪ 'Cause we got him on the spot ♪ 1093 00:48:11,096 --> 00:48:13,473 - ♪ Welcome back, welcome back ♪ 1094 00:48:13,557 --> 00:48:14,683 - ♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪ 1095 00:48:14,766 --> 00:48:17,644 ♪ 'Cause we got him on the spot ♪ 1096 00:48:17,728 --> 00:48:19,771 ♪ Welcome back ♪ 1097 00:48:19,855 --> 00:48:23,650 - ♪ Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back ♪ 1098 00:48:23,734 --> 00:48:27,070 ♪ Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back ♪ 1099 00:48:27,154 --> 00:48:33,035 ♪ Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back ♪