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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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[RAIN PATTERING]
4
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[MAN OVER SPEAKER]
My constant fear and worry
5
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,430
eventually drives me
to complete insanity.
6
00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:42,955
I lose control of my mind
and decide to murder Emily.
7
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:45,480
When I get home,
she's asleep in bed.
8
00:00:45,654 --> 00:00:48,091
I grab a butcher knife
and hack her to pieces.
9
00:00:48,265 --> 00:00:51,355
Right after I kill her,
I come back to my senses.
10
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I see that I've murdered
the person I love most.
11
00:00:54,228 --> 00:00:57,361
Unable to live with myself,
I decide to commit suicide.
12
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[SIGHS]
13
00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:06,022
[TAKING SHUDDERING BREATHS]
14
00:01:18,513 --> 00:01:20,080
My constant fear and worry
15
00:01:20,254 --> 00:01:21,951
eventually drives me
to complete insanity.
16
00:01:22,125 --> 00:01:23,257
[CRYING]
17
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I lose control of my mind
18
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and decide to murder Emily.
19
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The philosophy.
I understand both philosophies.
20
00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:32,614
I think that the answer
is a bit more complex than that.
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I think that, um...
22
00:01:34,572 --> 00:01:35,573
Yeah.
23
00:01:35,747 --> 00:01:37,227
So then why are you here?
24
00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:41,275
To get... away
from all this existential shit,
25
00:01:41,449 --> 00:01:43,842
to get out of my head
and into my body.
26
00:01:44,016 --> 00:01:46,018
Do you feel that
you're being too cerebral?
27
00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:48,282
I told you that I'm depressed,
didn't I?
28
00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:54,070
You think I'm self-diagnosing?
29
00:01:54,244 --> 00:01:56,203
Do you think
you're self-diagnosing?
30
00:01:57,508 --> 00:01:58,857
My sister thinks I am.
31
00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:02,861
I don't know.
32
00:02:05,037 --> 00:02:07,649
- How was work with rehab?
- Fine.
33
00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:10,782
What about music, filmmaking,
your creative pursuits?
34
00:02:10,956 --> 00:02:13,829
Fine, fine. It's pretty much
everything right now.
35
00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:16,440
I have been focused
getting screenwriting work.
36
00:02:16,614 --> 00:02:17,746
Okay.
37
00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:19,313
Good. Well...
38
00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:22,490
I feel that you are depressed.
39
00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:25,449
But you don't have depression.
40
00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:32,543
I just proposed to the love
of my life. And she said yes.
41
00:02:35,329 --> 00:02:37,026
I should be happy.
42
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,594
But I am crippled with fear.
43
00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:41,291
All I do day and night is worry,
44
00:02:41,465 --> 00:02:44,207
about the unknown, the what-ifs,
45
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convince myself of the worst.
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And, uh, it plays out
like a horror movie in my head.
47
00:02:52,607 --> 00:02:54,696
And whenever I'm able
to calm myself down,
48
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it's only temporary.
It always leads back to anxiety.
49
00:02:59,657 --> 00:03:01,181
I have these crazy thoughts,
50
00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:03,531
these irrational scenarios
that play out in my head.
51
00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:06,142
I mean,
it seems so fucking real.
52
00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:09,537
Like, uh, what if I get
so depressed I hurt Emily?
53
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Physically.
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Well, it sounds to me
55
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like you're presenting
mentally with OCD.
56
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I don't...
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clean doorknobs
or step over fucking cracks.
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I'm just... I'm just depressed.
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The depression is
just a byproduct.
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00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:36,999
It's like... a symptom.
61
00:03:37,173 --> 00:03:39,523
OCD is an anxiety disorder.
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00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:43,701
I don't have a mental illness.
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I'm not some
clean-freak hypochondriac. I...
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[STAMMERS]
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This is situational.
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That's not
the only way OCD works.
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There's a mental side to it.
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It's called "pure obsessional."
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00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:03,286
It only works
through mental compulsions.
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00:04:05,462 --> 00:04:07,029
So, what does that mean?
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00:04:07,203 --> 00:04:09,901
You need to be working
with an OCD specialist.
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Here.
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I want you to call this office.
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Set up an appointment.
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[SIGHS]
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[♪]
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[CELL PHONE RINGS]
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00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:51,987
What's going on,
little Looney Tune?
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[EMILY]
Just over at my mom's.
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Her and Steve wanna
have us over
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to celebrate the engagement.
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00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:58,733
Yeah. No, of course.
That's super sweet.
83
00:04:59,211 --> 00:05:00,517
Oh, how was therapy?
84
00:05:02,345 --> 00:05:04,913
- It was fine.
- You don't have to go into it.
85
00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:07,698
- I was just asking.
- I'll tell you more tonight.
86
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,353
All right, baby.
87
00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:11,876
Have a good shift. I love you.
88
00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:13,225
I love you too.
89
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,402
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS
ON STEREO]
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[ENGINE SHUTS OFF, MUSIC STOPS]
91
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[GROANS]
92
00:05:31,722 --> 00:05:34,595
- Congratulations.
- Thanks, dude.
93
00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:38,512
She's so fucking excited, Coop.
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00:05:38,686 --> 00:05:40,252
She called me crying,
she was so happy.
95
00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:42,733
Thanks, Tess. What the hell
are you doing out here?
96
00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:45,693
Oh, just another day
at Transform Malibu
97
00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:48,913
on an Easter egg hunt for
a bottle of peppermint schnapps.
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00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:51,263
Meryl ratted Brandon out
in therapy this morning.
99
00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:53,309
Said he had it delivered
over the fence.
100
00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:57,182
- Okay. Let's go look for it.
- Will you help me?
101
00:06:00,316 --> 00:06:02,840
Doc's got all these kids
way overmedicated.
102
00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:04,233
- I know.
- It's wild.
103
00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:06,061
- We talk all the time.
- It's wild.
104
00:06:06,235 --> 00:06:08,759
- What's up, partner?
- Welcome to the Octagon.
105
00:06:08,933 --> 00:06:10,761
Jesus. What?
106
00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:13,155
Yeah. Your boy
went mental today.
107
00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:14,896
- Who?
- Who do you think?
108
00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:17,812
- Brandon?
- Bingo.
109
00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:19,944
Well, I found his delivery
in the bushes.
110
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- [SLATER LAUGHS]
- Nice.
111
00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:22,730
What is it now?
112
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[SCOFFS]
He found out
113
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you were leading
group riding today
114
00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:29,606
at morning check-in,
the guy lost it.
115
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Flipping couches, screaming.
116
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"You got me all fucked up."
117
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Sweet. That'll be fun.
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[DUKE]
Anything else we need to know?
119
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[LATER]
Well, our favorite
heroin addicts checked back in.
120
00:06:44,926 --> 00:06:46,231
Who?
121
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,016
That doesn't really
narrow it down.
122
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[SLATER]
Come on. Omaha?
123
00:06:53,325 --> 00:06:54,414
Rachel?
124
00:06:55,066 --> 00:06:56,546
She's in the back,
cooling her heels.
125
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,810
I thought she was doing better.
126
00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:02,509
Addiction's a bitch, man.
127
00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:05,599
They send them back--
Familiar people, familiar place.
128
00:07:05,773 --> 00:07:07,165
Relapse is inevitable.
129
00:07:09,254 --> 00:07:12,170
- Is that it?
- Just who's on meds.
130
00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:13,737
- No.
- Come on.
131
00:07:13,911 --> 00:07:15,609
- No. No, no.
- What are you talking about?
132
00:07:15,783 --> 00:07:16,827
- Uh-uh.
- Fine.
133
00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:19,439
- There they are.
- Fuck you.
134
00:07:19,613 --> 00:07:22,920
[SIGHS]
You guys, good evening.
135
00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:24,922
- I'm out of here.
- [CHUCKLES]
136
00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:27,055
- Yeah.
- Take it easy. Shaka.
137
00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:29,057
- Shaka, bro.
- Huh? Uh-huh.
138
00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:47,554
[BRANDON]
All fucked up now!
139
00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:51,340
Man, you got me up in here
like I'm some fucking lab rat!
140
00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:53,603
Man, fuck this!
141
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[COOPER]
Solid therapy session?
142
00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:57,172
Speaking of rats!
143
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:00,871
[SLAMS]
144
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:06,050
It's okay, Meryl.
145
00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:36,254
Don't say anything.
146
00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:40,432
I knew you wanted
to see us again.
147
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:42,522
I just didn't think
it'd be this soon.
148
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:48,092
- It's fucking embarrassing.
- No, it's not.
149
00:08:49,267 --> 00:08:50,834
I lasted, like, no time.
150
00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:53,358
It doesn't matter.
Nobody's judging you.
151
00:08:59,321 --> 00:09:01,105
I fucking let you down.
152
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,588
Hey.
153
00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:07,068
Hey, look at me.
154
00:09:09,113 --> 00:09:10,375
Fuck that shit.
155
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,290
That's toxic waste in your head.
156
00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:14,728
You let no one down. Hear me?
157
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,428
You just helped me so much.
158
00:09:19,602 --> 00:09:22,953
You helped yourself.
We just showed you some tools.
159
00:09:24,433 --> 00:09:25,608
You're here now.
160
00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:31,832
Thanks, Coop.
161
00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:29,150
- [EMILY] ♪ Mm ♪
- [SHOWER RUNNING]
162
00:10:29,324 --> 00:10:32,675
♪ I miss my youthful... ♪
163
00:10:35,199 --> 00:10:37,767
[EMILY CONTINUES SINGING
INDISTINCTLY]
164
00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:39,464
Hello.
165
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:43,947
♪ They figured a way
They'd pay you to play ♪
166
00:10:44,121 --> 00:10:45,688
- [SIGHS]
- ♪ You've given me ♪
167
00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:47,559
♪ All of your time ♪
168
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,521
♪ I miss my old-school... ♪
169
00:10:54,566 --> 00:10:57,308
♪ They always knew what to do ♪
170
00:10:59,354 --> 00:11:01,878
♪ I miss the kid
In the back of the room ♪
171
00:11:02,052 --> 00:11:04,620
- [HUMMING TUNE]
- [LAUGHS]
172
00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:07,101
- Toonzy.
- Hey, you. How you doing?
173
00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:11,061
♪ I know that I love
My Toonzy ♪
174
00:11:11,235 --> 00:11:12,759
♪ And I know my Toonz--♪
175
00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:14,325
Ooh!
176
00:11:14,499 --> 00:11:16,153
You think you're getting
in here?
177
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:17,981
- Yeah. Why?
- On one condition.
178
00:11:18,155 --> 00:11:19,591
- You charging admission?
- Hey.
179
00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:21,550
You can't say anything
about the temperature.
180
00:11:21,724 --> 00:11:23,247
- How come?
- My shower, my rules.
181
00:11:23,421 --> 00:11:25,467
My God, I got
a parking ticket today.
182
00:11:25,641 --> 00:11:27,164
- What?
- Yeah. Yeah.
183
00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:29,123
And you know
what occurred to me?
184
00:11:29,297 --> 00:11:33,214
This thing, this genius idea
is if we move to New York City,
185
00:11:33,388 --> 00:11:35,825
we'd have to take the train,
and we wouldn't use a car.
186
00:11:35,999 --> 00:11:38,219
I'd never get a parking ticket
again. Try this.
187
00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:44,312
- Yeah?
- Mmm!
188
00:11:44,486 --> 00:11:45,574
- It's good, right?
- Mm-hm.
189
00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:47,184
I got it
at the farmers' market.
190
00:11:47,358 --> 00:11:48,272
Oh!
191
00:11:49,839 --> 00:11:52,799
- Your mom and Steve okay?
- They're fine.
192
00:11:52,973 --> 00:11:54,931
Steve's a little
under the weather,
193
00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:56,890
but, you know, same old.
194
00:11:57,064 --> 00:11:59,022
Did your mom freak out?
195
00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:00,807
Um...
196
00:12:00,981 --> 00:12:02,504
Kind of. I don't know.
197
00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:04,288
She kind of made it
about herself,
198
00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:06,029
you know, like she always does.
199
00:12:06,203 --> 00:12:07,422
I'm sorry, baby.
200
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,122
Hey, listen, I was thinking
201
00:12:12,296 --> 00:12:15,212
that maybe you could finish
chopping the vegetables for me
202
00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:18,041
so I could start on the salad.
I hate chopping the vegetables.
203
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:20,000
- Yeah, sure. Yeah.
- [LAUGHS]
204
00:12:20,174 --> 00:12:21,479
My pleasure.
205
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,090
[GROANS]
206
00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:25,222
I don't know,
maybe I'm overly sensitive to it
207
00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:28,312
because she's been like this
my whole life. You know?
208
00:12:28,486 --> 00:12:29,923
She's always been this way,
209
00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:32,316
and it's not like
she's gonna change, you know?
210
00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:37,582
Sorry, I've gotta go pee.
211
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,019
It's okay.
212
00:12:39,193 --> 00:12:40,498
[HUMS SOFTLY]
213
00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:45,982
[EXHALING SHARPLY]
214
00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:51,292
[SUCKS TEETH, EXHALES SHARPLY]
215
00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:53,337
[FAUCET TURNS ON]
216
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,079
[FAUCET TURNS OFF]
217
00:12:56,253 --> 00:12:58,821
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
218
00:12:58,995 --> 00:13:00,780
[MAN ON TV]
This is no laughing matter.
219
00:13:00,954 --> 00:13:02,694
If there'd been an accident,
I might've landed in jail.
220
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:05,219
[WOMAN]
With your uncle
a police vice president?
221
00:13:05,393 --> 00:13:06,916
[MAN]
More than ever.
222
00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:08,570
I never got it licensed.
223
00:13:08,744 --> 00:13:10,702
- Should've been handed in.
- Babe.
224
00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:13,053
- Incidentally...
- Yeah.
225
00:13:13,227 --> 00:13:15,142
[DIALOGUE ON TV
CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
226
00:13:16,317 --> 00:13:17,622
She diagnosed me today.
227
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:20,451
Yeah?
228
00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:21,801
[SUCKS TEETH]
229
00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:23,019
Okay.
230
00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:25,805
[TV TURNS OFF]
231
00:13:25,979 --> 00:13:27,023
[SIGHS]
232
00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:31,593
What did... What did she say?
233
00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:35,640
[SIGHS]
234
00:13:37,729 --> 00:13:39,166
Hey.
235
00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:42,038
Hey, whatever it is,
we'll get through it.
236
00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:46,782
Does she, um...
237
00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:49,480
Does she think that your
depression is clinical or...?
238
00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:53,833
No, she thinks I have OCD.
239
00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:56,400
- OCD?
- Mm.
240
00:13:56,574 --> 00:13:58,359
- Really?
- That's what I said.
241
00:14:00,535 --> 00:14:03,233
Sorry, I don't understand.
You don't have any of those...
242
00:14:04,713 --> 00:14:07,759
tics or rituals or anything,
do you?
243
00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:09,152
Uh-uh.
244
00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:10,719
No. I don't know.
245
00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,852
- I don't know either.
- Okay.
246
00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:14,592
Hey.
247
00:14:14,766 --> 00:14:16,551
We've got this. Okay?
248
00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:18,770
You don't
have to go it alone or...
249
00:14:21,817 --> 00:14:23,950
- I love you.
- I love you too.
250
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,567
I'm so lucky to have you.
251
00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:35,352
[MOANS SOFTLY]
252
00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:45,928
- Hey.
- Hey!
253
00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:47,887
- There you are.
- I'm so sorry.
254
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:51,238
- Traffic was the worst.
- No, no, it's fine.
255
00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:54,545
- Congratulations, honey.
- Thanks, J.
256
00:14:54,719 --> 00:14:55,938
I'm so happy.
257
00:15:01,596 --> 00:15:02,684
Oh, yeah.
258
00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:13,129
- So you took the knee, mate?
- I sure did.
259
00:15:13,303 --> 00:15:15,044
Giddyap.
260
00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:16,132
Thanks, man.
261
00:15:16,306 --> 00:15:17,525
Listen, we're here to help
262
00:15:17,699 --> 00:15:19,135
with the planning.
263
00:15:19,309 --> 00:15:21,616
Whatever you guys decide.
Just know that, okay?
264
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:22,878
I appreciate that.
265
00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:27,491
- I love you guys.
- We love you.
266
00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:30,059
And you know,
once there's a baby on the way,
267
00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:32,148
you're gonna get
a lot more help.
268
00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:34,803
Yeah, I know, I know,
269
00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:37,414
one thing at a time, but, uh,
270
00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:40,417
hey, you are family now.
271
00:15:43,768 --> 00:15:45,074
[TOY CARS SKITTERING]
272
00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:08,663
[WOMAN]
No, stop that.
273
00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:10,970
[SCREAMING]
274
00:16:13,755 --> 00:16:15,235
Just being alone with all this,
275
00:16:15,409 --> 00:16:16,801
that's been the hardest part,
I think.
276
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,934
That has to be
really difficult for you.
277
00:16:19,108 --> 00:16:21,023
We all only save ourselves.
278
00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:23,983
Well, that's
a lonely philosophy.
279
00:16:24,157 --> 00:16:26,942
That's because it's true.
Lonely doesn't have to mean sad.
280
00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:30,250
If you like yourself.
281
00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:31,338
[CHUCKLES]
282
00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:32,426
Touché.
283
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,645
So why don't you tell me
284
00:16:34,819 --> 00:16:36,908
what you already know about OCD.
285
00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:39,999
Just what I scoured
on the Internet.
286
00:16:41,696 --> 00:16:44,133
When I started
reading articles about Pure O...
287
00:16:45,308 --> 00:16:46,353
my face dropped.
288
00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:49,660
I knew in my heart
that's what I have.
289
00:16:49,834 --> 00:16:52,185
Okay. And that's
a normal reaction, right?
290
00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:54,404
Just knowing
what we're up against,
291
00:16:54,578 --> 00:16:57,451
like, makes us feel better
about it a little bit, yeah?
292
00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:05,720
You haven't asked me
about my story yet.
293
00:17:05,894 --> 00:17:07,330
Would it help you if I did?
294
00:17:08,766 --> 00:17:10,290
I don't know.
295
00:17:10,464 --> 00:17:12,292
I thought that
that's kind of how this worked.
296
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,468
Okay, why don't we switch it up?
297
00:17:14,642 --> 00:17:18,341
Why don't I tell you
what I think happened,
298
00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:20,909
and then you can tell me
if I'm wrong.
299
00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:22,954
Okay.
Okay.
300
00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:25,522
So it started with a thought.
301
00:17:25,696 --> 00:17:28,873
A horrible thought.
Something dreadful.
302
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:32,225
Maybe you thought
that you'd harm someone.
303
00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:36,359
Maybe you thought
you did something horrific
304
00:17:36,533 --> 00:17:38,405
or were capable of it.
305
00:17:38,579 --> 00:17:41,799
And this thought was totally
against your self-identity,
306
00:17:41,973 --> 00:17:44,193
but it started to consume you.
307
00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:45,890
And not in a casual way,
308
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,632
but in the most intense way
you've ever experienced.
309
00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:50,765
The more you tried
to push that thought away,
310
00:17:50,939 --> 00:17:53,115
the stronger it returned
and just became
311
00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:55,813
this incredible
source of anxiety.
312
00:17:55,987 --> 00:17:59,948
You tried to hide it
from everybody that you know...
313
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:03,082
because just the thought of it
frightened you to your core.
314
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,129
You were afraid
you'd be judged for it,
315
00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,697
you thought the people
who loved you no longer would,
316
00:18:09,871 --> 00:18:11,873
that you were vile and depraved.
317
00:18:12,047 --> 00:18:13,918
So you tried to bury it.
318
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,269
Eventually you realized
you couldn't do that anymore,
319
00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:19,576
so you told somebody
that you were close to.
320
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:23,189
And then it was out there,
right? It was no turning back.
321
00:18:24,712 --> 00:18:26,279
Then you got into talk therapy,
322
00:18:26,453 --> 00:18:28,716
which just
made the problem worse
323
00:18:28,890 --> 00:18:30,500
because talking about it
ad nauseam
324
00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:32,241
just made you
really hate yourself
325
00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:35,070
and destroyed
your self-confidence.
326
00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:40,467
How am I doing so far?
327
00:18:42,947 --> 00:18:46,255
Hey, listen, I want you to know
that I'm not doing this
328
00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:48,605
to make you feel
like a number, okay?
329
00:18:48,779 --> 00:18:51,434
I'm doing this because
the first rule of treating OCD
330
00:18:51,608 --> 00:18:54,437
is that the content
doesn't matter.
331
00:18:54,611 --> 00:18:56,744
It's completely irrelevant.
332
00:18:56,918 --> 00:19:01,009
Right? There's POCD, pedophilia.
There's HOCD, homosexuality.
333
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:04,969
There's hit-and-run OCD,
existential OCD, harm OCD.
334
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:08,451
There's ROCD, which is centered
around romantic relationships.
335
00:19:08,625 --> 00:19:10,323
- I mean, the list goes on.
- Well, yeah.
336
00:19:10,497 --> 00:19:12,238
Definitely got
those last two or three.
337
00:19:12,412 --> 00:19:13,761
And that's my point.
338
00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:16,807
They're all exactly the same.
339
00:19:16,981 --> 00:19:19,114
Just thoughts.
340
00:19:19,288 --> 00:19:21,769
Right?
And what I'm gonna teach you,
341
00:19:21,943 --> 00:19:23,640
and this is really important,
342
00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:26,208
is that no matter how much
your brain tries to lie to you
343
00:19:26,382 --> 00:19:28,384
and tell you that it's about
344
00:19:28,558 --> 00:19:31,909
the content of your thoughts,
it's not.
345
00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:33,694
It's about your reaction
346
00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:36,349
and your relationship
to those thoughts.
347
00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:40,179
I see.
348
00:19:41,354 --> 00:19:42,920
Things don't make us anxious.
349
00:19:43,094 --> 00:19:46,228
Anxiety is a state of mind.
Does that make sense?
350
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,405
I think that you'd benefit most
351
00:19:49,579 --> 00:19:50,798
in group therapy.
352
00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:53,627
Why is that?
353
00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:55,585
Late onset is difficult.
354
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:57,587
It creates an identity crisis.
355
00:19:57,761 --> 00:20:00,329
There's a stigma
that needs to be overcome now.
356
00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:02,201
And so I think
that the group therapy
357
00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:03,724
will mitigate this.
358
00:20:03,898 --> 00:20:05,552
And you need to be around people
359
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:07,728
who've been managing this
for a long time.
360
00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:11,471
And then you can see that OCD
is not a death sentence.
361
00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:14,256
Sure. Whatever you think.
I already trust you.
362
00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:15,910
Listen.
363
00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:18,260
You're gonna get better,
I promise.
364
00:20:19,957 --> 00:20:22,308
In this community,
we help save each other.
365
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,184
You can't even surf
on these things.
366
00:20:29,358 --> 00:20:31,534
It's not about that. It's about
getting out on the water.
367
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,232
Paddleboarding is for chumps.
368
00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:35,582
- Then you should be an expert.
- Fuck you.
369
00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:36,887
Hey.
370
00:20:37,061 --> 00:20:38,237
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
371
00:20:39,673 --> 00:20:41,675
Everybody take it easy.
Cut the shit.
372
00:20:41,849 --> 00:20:44,068
I'll take you both
to a Big Book meeting.
373
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,505
No sweat, Coop.
374
00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:47,463
Just a little bit of tension
is all.
375
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:51,685
Take a breath, Meryl.
376
00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:02,261
Hey.
377
00:21:04,524 --> 00:21:06,090
Don't let him get to you.
378
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,397
Just focus
on what you can control.
379
00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:11,966
You been good this week?
380
00:21:13,446 --> 00:21:14,838
Yeah. It feels...
381
00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:17,798
better to get out of the house.
382
00:21:19,147 --> 00:21:20,409
I bet, yeah.
383
00:21:20,583 --> 00:21:22,106
Seventy-two-hour detox
is a bitch.
384
00:21:24,065 --> 00:21:26,023
No, it wasn't that bad
this time.
385
00:21:27,808 --> 00:21:29,766
Just too much time in my head.
386
00:21:31,551 --> 00:21:33,422
Well, you know what Slater says.
387
00:21:33,596 --> 00:21:35,076
"In your head, you're dead."
388
00:21:36,643 --> 00:21:37,513
Yeah.
389
00:21:43,998 --> 00:21:44,955
What?
390
00:21:47,784 --> 00:21:48,959
You were right.
391
00:21:50,178 --> 00:21:52,136
About what?
392
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,313
I shouldn't have gone home.
I just...
393
00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:56,576
didn't know any better.
394
00:21:58,055 --> 00:22:00,319
I'm a little lost, you know?
395
00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:05,759
Take that all away
for a second.
396
00:22:05,933 --> 00:22:08,152
All the distractions,
all the bullshit.
397
00:22:09,676 --> 00:22:11,330
What do you wanna do?
398
00:22:11,504 --> 00:22:13,114
If you had a clean slate,
399
00:22:13,288 --> 00:22:14,724
money didn't matter,
400
00:22:14,898 --> 00:22:16,857
what your parents wanted
didn't matter?
401
00:22:19,512 --> 00:22:21,340
No one's ever
asked me that before.
402
00:22:23,559 --> 00:22:25,126
Well, what would
you like to do?
403
00:22:26,649 --> 00:22:27,781
I don't know.
404
00:22:29,478 --> 00:22:32,829
Like, um, I like fashion,
405
00:22:33,003 --> 00:22:36,311
but that's not really,
like, a job or anything.
406
00:22:36,485 --> 00:22:38,139
- What? Sure it is.
- [LAUGHS]
407
00:22:38,313 --> 00:22:40,184
What, you think
clothes make themselves?
408
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,317
No, I know,
but I'm just saying, like,
409
00:22:42,491 --> 00:22:45,320
where I come from,
it's not a job.
410
00:22:48,279 --> 00:22:49,933
Good thing you're in L.A. then.
411
00:22:54,895 --> 00:22:56,157
[MAN ON TV]
What, ever?
412
00:22:56,331 --> 00:22:58,420
[WOMAN]
Forever and ever.
413
00:22:58,594 --> 00:23:01,292
You don't believe me, do you?
414
00:23:01,467 --> 00:23:06,385
Well, here's auf Wiedersehen
to Joan!
415
00:23:06,559 --> 00:23:07,995
[GUNSHOT]
416
00:23:08,169 --> 00:23:10,389
[MELODRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]
417
00:23:10,563 --> 00:23:11,564
[TV SHUTS OFF]
418
00:23:17,308 --> 00:23:19,049
[QUIETLY]
Hey. You should go to bed.
419
00:23:42,551 --> 00:23:43,987
Rodney.
420
00:23:44,161 --> 00:23:46,033
Uh, OCD lifer.
421
00:23:46,207 --> 00:23:49,384
I've been, uh, managing
this thing since I was, like, 8.
422
00:23:49,558 --> 00:23:51,255
Been through it all,
one point or another.
423
00:23:51,430 --> 00:23:54,476
So mainly HOCD in my early 20s.
424
00:23:54,650 --> 00:23:56,609
Thought I was gay.
425
00:23:56,783 --> 00:23:59,612
Uh, but ended up
in conversion therapy
426
00:23:59,786 --> 00:24:02,136
before I put it together,
so yeah.
427
00:24:02,310 --> 00:24:07,184
And I'm currently here for
a flare-up of a hit-and-run OCD.
428
00:24:07,358 --> 00:24:10,187
So every time I drive,
429
00:24:10,361 --> 00:24:14,757
I convince myself that
I cause a car accident, so...
430
00:24:14,931 --> 00:24:16,411
Yeah.
431
00:24:16,585 --> 00:24:17,673
Liz.
432
00:24:17,847 --> 00:24:19,370
Like all of us,
plenty of traits
433
00:24:19,545 --> 00:24:21,329
go back to childhood,
but I wasn't diagnosed
434
00:24:21,503 --> 00:24:23,287
until sophomore year of college.
435
00:24:23,462 --> 00:24:25,551
Before that,
I spent years in talk therapy
436
00:24:25,725 --> 00:24:28,336
just exacerbating
my compulsions.
437
00:24:28,510 --> 00:24:30,817
Since I've been diagnosed,
been through a lot of them.
438
00:24:30,991 --> 00:24:32,253
There's hit-and-run OCD,
439
00:24:32,427 --> 00:24:34,690
there's OCD surrounding
starting a fire,
440
00:24:34,864 --> 00:24:36,562
skin picking.
441
00:24:36,736 --> 00:24:38,955
I'm here because
I'm an elementary school teacher
442
00:24:39,129 --> 00:24:41,218
struggling with pedophilia OCD.
443
00:24:41,392 --> 00:24:44,134
Hey, I'm Jake.
I'm an alcoholic.
444
00:24:44,308 --> 00:24:46,528
[LAUGHS]
Sorry, wrong meeting.
Just kidding.
445
00:24:46,702 --> 00:24:49,444
I've been dealing with OCD
for about 15 years.
446
00:24:49,618 --> 00:24:52,360
Combination of pure
and physical.
447
00:24:52,534 --> 00:24:56,582
Started out with contamination,
scrupulosity OCD,
448
00:24:56,756 --> 00:24:58,801
which is based in religion.
449
00:24:58,975 --> 00:25:02,283
Uh, recently, I've been dealing
with magical thinking,
450
00:25:02,457 --> 00:25:05,329
and in particular,
the irrational thought
451
00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:07,462
that if I don't perform
certain rituals
452
00:25:07,636 --> 00:25:10,073
in certain ways,
my son will die.
453
00:25:10,247 --> 00:25:13,207
So um, yeah,
it's been a lot of fun.
454
00:25:15,252 --> 00:25:16,819
Okay. Thanks, guys.
455
00:25:16,993 --> 00:25:21,563
Um, Cooper, feel free
to go in depth if you like.
456
00:25:21,737 --> 00:25:22,956
Whatever you want.
457
00:25:23,130 --> 00:25:25,785
So Cooper, obviously.
458
00:25:25,959 --> 00:25:28,352
Uh, about a year ago,
my mom got really sick.
459
00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:31,094
She has an autoimmune disease,
was in the hospital.
460
00:25:32,879 --> 00:25:35,142
My mom means a lot to me.
461
00:25:35,316 --> 00:25:37,666
My father left to start
a new family when I was young,
462
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:39,146
so she raised me.
463
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,191
Anyway, things got
really bad for her,
464
00:25:41,365 --> 00:25:44,717
to the point that I had to book
my travel plans to say goodbye.
465
00:25:44,891 --> 00:25:46,632
And that same week,
I lost my job.
466
00:25:46,806 --> 00:25:49,722
Production on a film
I wrote fell apart.
467
00:25:49,896 --> 00:25:51,506
Point is, I shut down.
468
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:53,682
I didn't know
how to handle it all.
469
00:25:53,856 --> 00:25:55,379
And I had the thought
cross my mind
470
00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:57,033
for the first time in my life
471
00:25:57,207 --> 00:25:59,906
that maybe it would be easier
to just give up.
472
00:26:03,213 --> 00:26:05,041
My mom ended up
making a full recovery,
473
00:26:05,215 --> 00:26:06,869
but for the next
five or six months,
474
00:26:07,043 --> 00:26:09,655
I became consumed with anxiety,
thinking I was suicidal.
475
00:26:09,829 --> 00:26:11,570
But I didn't say anything
to anybody.
476
00:26:11,744 --> 00:26:12,919
I kept it all inside.
477
00:26:14,094 --> 00:26:15,486
It was a fucking nightmare.
478
00:26:15,661 --> 00:26:17,793
There was nothing I could do
to stop it.
479
00:26:19,621 --> 00:26:21,405
And around that point,
I had the thought
480
00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:23,364
that what if
instead of harming myself,
481
00:26:23,538 --> 00:26:25,105
I harmed my girlfriend?
482
00:26:25,279 --> 00:26:27,411
Uh-huh.
483
00:26:27,586 --> 00:26:29,239
It's morphing.
484
00:26:29,413 --> 00:26:30,893
What?
485
00:26:31,067 --> 00:26:32,634
That's what it means
when the OCD jumps from
486
00:26:32,808 --> 00:26:35,071
- one obsession to the next.
- Yeah.
487
00:26:35,245 --> 00:26:37,030
Okay, okay,
so I guess it morphed.
488
00:26:37,204 --> 00:26:38,553
As hard as things already were,
489
00:26:38,727 --> 00:26:40,294
that's when it started
to eat me up.
490
00:26:40,468 --> 00:26:42,905
I was able to rationalize
if I ended up hurting myself
491
00:26:43,079 --> 00:26:45,038
once it became about...
492
00:26:45,212 --> 00:26:46,735
the woman that I love.
493
00:26:49,651 --> 00:26:51,131
Even then, kept it all hid.
494
00:26:52,872 --> 00:26:55,048
Until one day we were leaving
this grocery store
495
00:26:55,222 --> 00:26:56,789
and I walked by this little...
496
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,403
kid, this little boy.
497
00:27:04,753 --> 00:27:05,754
And I had--
498
00:27:07,582 --> 00:27:09,149
The image flashed across my mind
499
00:27:09,323 --> 00:27:11,151
of me stabbing the boy
in the face.
500
00:27:17,505 --> 00:27:18,854
[NORA]
You're in a safe space.
501
00:27:19,028 --> 00:27:20,726
[INHALES DEEPLY]
502
00:27:20,900 --> 00:27:22,075
Hmm...
503
00:27:24,294 --> 00:27:25,295
I'm sorry.
504
00:27:29,778 --> 00:27:32,476
We left the store, and I just
collapsed into my girl's arms.
505
00:27:32,651 --> 00:27:34,000
I told her everything.
506
00:27:37,220 --> 00:27:38,831
Got into talk therapy.
507
00:27:39,005 --> 00:27:40,484
[LAUGHS]
508
00:27:41,790 --> 00:27:43,096
You guys know the rest.
509
00:27:44,924 --> 00:27:47,056
She's been great, my girlfriend.
510
00:27:47,230 --> 00:27:48,884
She's--Fiancée, actually.
511
00:27:49,058 --> 00:27:50,581
We just got married.
We just got engaged.
512
00:27:50,756 --> 00:27:52,105
- [BOTH LAUGH]
- Sorry.
513
00:27:52,279 --> 00:27:54,760
- Congratulations.
- Yeah. Congrats, man. Ah!
514
00:27:54,934 --> 00:27:56,457
Thanks, thanks. Thanks, guys.
515
00:27:56,631 --> 00:27:58,807
Um, that's the thing, though.
516
00:27:58,981 --> 00:28:00,896
Now I've been struggling
with relationship OCD,
517
00:28:01,070 --> 00:28:02,985
picking everything apart.
518
00:28:03,159 --> 00:28:06,075
Wanting it to be perfect
before we get married.
519
00:28:06,249 --> 00:28:09,122
I've also developed
pretty severe health OCD,
520
00:28:09,296 --> 00:28:10,993
thinking I have cancer
for no reason.
521
00:28:11,167 --> 00:28:12,908
We are all perfectionists.
522
00:28:13,082 --> 00:28:15,258
That thing just comes
with the territory.
523
00:28:15,432 --> 00:28:18,740
- Well, thank you, Cooper.
- Yeah. Yeah, thanks, man.
524
00:28:18,914 --> 00:28:21,830
We've all been in
your position before. All right?
525
00:28:22,004 --> 00:28:24,050
So just big steps, bro,
all right?
526
00:28:25,268 --> 00:28:26,705
You're in the right place.
527
00:28:51,773 --> 00:28:53,427
[DOOR OPENS]
528
00:28:53,601 --> 00:28:54,776
[FOOTSTEPS]
529
00:28:54,950 --> 00:28:56,082
[DOOR CLOSES]
530
00:29:01,087 --> 00:29:02,392
How did the group go?
531
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:04,568
Still going.
532
00:29:07,049 --> 00:29:07,920
Wanna smoke?
533
00:29:10,444 --> 00:29:15,841
I have this disconnect
where I think how I should feel.
534
00:29:16,015 --> 00:29:17,277
Yeah, but if you take
535
00:29:17,451 --> 00:29:19,018
an analytical approach
all the time,
536
00:29:19,192 --> 00:29:21,150
you're bound to see the world
through a gray lens.
537
00:29:21,324 --> 00:29:24,284
But it's like
the numbers tell you so.
538
00:29:24,458 --> 00:29:26,939
Heartbreak is just
the law of averages.
539
00:29:27,113 --> 00:29:28,549
The numbers are insignificant
540
00:29:28,723 --> 00:29:29,942
unless you can decipher
541
00:29:30,116 --> 00:29:31,944
how they affect something
as a whole.
542
00:29:33,684 --> 00:29:34,990
I don't understand that.
543
00:29:36,209 --> 00:29:37,863
I'm saying love is a choice.
544
00:29:38,037 --> 00:29:40,169
Hope is a choice.
545
00:29:40,343 --> 00:29:42,171
You just said
you're in love with her.
546
00:29:42,345 --> 00:29:43,607
I am.
547
00:29:43,782 --> 00:29:45,305
Em is a great girl, dude.
548
00:29:45,479 --> 00:29:48,047
You think you're the first guy
to ever spin out?
549
00:29:48,221 --> 00:29:50,484
But what if that's
all a relationship is?
550
00:29:50,658 --> 00:29:53,139
Shit that you have
to constantly overcome.
551
00:29:53,313 --> 00:29:55,881
We're talking about love.
552
00:29:56,055 --> 00:29:58,274
It's not
a permanent state of bliss.
553
00:30:00,233 --> 00:30:01,190
[CHUCKLES]
554
00:30:01,364 --> 00:30:03,192
Look.
555
00:30:03,366 --> 00:30:06,543
I don't mean to get
all hippie and shit, but...
556
00:30:08,807 --> 00:30:10,896
you gotta find joy
in the journey.
557
00:30:17,424 --> 00:30:19,426
What are you doing here, man?
558
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:21,341
What do you mean?
559
00:30:21,515 --> 00:30:23,604
What are you doing
at this rehab?
560
00:30:23,778 --> 00:30:25,432
I went to college with Tess.
561
00:30:26,825 --> 00:30:28,348
She thought
I'd be good at this.
562
00:30:28,522 --> 00:30:30,959
No, I know all that.
That's not what I mean.
563
00:30:31,133 --> 00:30:33,440
What are you doing
in this rehab?
564
00:30:36,051 --> 00:30:37,270
I don't follow.
565
00:30:38,619 --> 00:30:42,101
Everybody here has to be here.
566
00:30:42,275 --> 00:30:44,103
The clients,
they're at rock bottom.
567
00:30:44,277 --> 00:30:47,193
I'm here because I'm sober.
It's part of my program.
568
00:30:47,367 --> 00:30:48,803
Slater, sober.
569
00:30:48,977 --> 00:30:50,849
Tess lost her sister
to addiction.
570
00:30:52,415 --> 00:30:55,331
Nobody ends up at rehab
unless they have to.
571
00:31:00,206 --> 00:31:01,250
I don't know.
572
00:31:03,818 --> 00:31:06,734
[♪]
573
00:31:18,789 --> 00:31:21,227
Why are you still so resentful
about that?
574
00:31:21,401 --> 00:31:23,969
Because I apologized,
I was sincere, and you accepted.
575
00:31:24,143 --> 00:31:26,667
I'm figuring this thing out.
I overthink, I obsess.
576
00:31:26,841 --> 00:31:29,017
That doesn't give you an excuse
to be an asshole.
577
00:31:29,191 --> 00:31:31,280
- That's not fair.
- Know how hard it's been for me
578
00:31:31,454 --> 00:31:33,239
to have a fiancé
who's having doubts
579
00:31:33,413 --> 00:31:35,284
but he's telling me,
"They're not really doubts.
580
00:31:35,458 --> 00:31:38,200
- So just be cool. Help me."
- I have to filter out
581
00:31:38,374 --> 00:31:40,115
every thought that passes
through my head.
582
00:31:40,289 --> 00:31:42,465
Do you know
how exhausting that is?
583
00:31:42,639 --> 00:31:44,119
Imagine trying to fix your mind,
584
00:31:44,293 --> 00:31:47,340
but can't trust
the mind that's fixing it.
585
00:31:47,514 --> 00:31:49,298
I'm gonna slip up,
I'm gonna fuck up.
586
00:31:49,472 --> 00:31:51,648
And I'm gonna let things through
that are not real.
587
00:31:51,822 --> 00:31:53,302
It's just my anxiety talking.
588
00:31:53,476 --> 00:31:55,261
But I won't know that
until after the fact.
589
00:31:55,435 --> 00:31:57,959
Right, but if you don't know it,
how am I supposed to know it?
590
00:31:58,133 --> 00:31:59,743
You have to trust that deep down
591
00:31:59,918 --> 00:32:02,181
- it's not how I really feel.
- Oh, I'm trying.
592
00:32:05,793 --> 00:32:08,187
Look, you can lean on me.
Right?
593
00:32:08,361 --> 00:32:11,451
I'm here for you. I've been here
for you the whole time.
594
00:32:11,625 --> 00:32:13,192
I know you have.
595
00:32:13,366 --> 00:32:16,195
It's just hard when talking
about it makes it worse.
596
00:32:16,369 --> 00:32:18,371
I can't tell other people I love
what I'm going through
597
00:32:18,545 --> 00:32:20,329
because they'll just get
so concerned.
598
00:32:20,503 --> 00:32:21,896
And that makes it harder.
599
00:32:27,206 --> 00:32:30,818
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about your family. I--
600
00:32:32,559 --> 00:32:34,735
Babe, I just think
you're spun out.
601
00:32:34,909 --> 00:32:37,172
I--It's not gonna last forever.
602
00:32:37,346 --> 00:32:39,131
It doesn't feel that way
right now.
603
00:32:44,571 --> 00:32:45,485
[SIGHS]
604
00:32:46,268 --> 00:32:47,269
[SIGHS]
605
00:32:48,923 --> 00:32:51,056
I'm here for you.
606
00:32:51,230 --> 00:32:53,406
I really... I really am,
607
00:32:53,580 --> 00:32:56,409
but our relationship
doesn't get to go on hold.
608
00:32:56,583 --> 00:32:58,280
Right? I need you to show up.
609
00:32:58,454 --> 00:33:01,022
And I need to be able
to express how I feel.
610
00:33:03,242 --> 00:33:04,678
You don't feel that you can?
611
00:33:06,027 --> 00:33:08,725
Honestly, right now, no.
612
00:33:09,944 --> 00:33:11,511
No. I feel like
613
00:33:11,685 --> 00:33:13,121
I have to take a back seat.
614
00:33:14,818 --> 00:33:17,473
- Well, I don't want that.
- Okay.
615
00:33:23,610 --> 00:33:24,567
So tell me.
616
00:33:25,916 --> 00:33:27,570
Go ahead. Whatever it is.
617
00:33:34,751 --> 00:33:37,015
I feel like this engagement
is bullshit.
618
00:33:38,625 --> 00:33:40,496
Like, it doesn't feel real.
619
00:33:47,938 --> 00:33:49,201
Well, I mean it.
620
00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:52,117
Very much.
621
00:33:54,684 --> 00:33:55,903
And I love you.
622
00:33:58,993 --> 00:33:59,950
Okay.
623
00:34:01,909 --> 00:34:03,606
- I know.
- Okay.
624
00:34:03,780 --> 00:34:05,347
And I love you too.
625
00:34:07,393 --> 00:34:08,916
- Okay.
- Okay.
626
00:34:13,225 --> 00:34:16,967
[BOTH]
♪ I believe ♪
627
00:34:17,142 --> 00:34:21,146
♪ That you were made for me ♪
628
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:27,065
♪ And I was made for you ♪
629
00:34:29,980 --> 00:34:33,593
♪ I believe ♪
630
00:34:33,767 --> 00:34:38,032
♪ That you were made for me ♪
631
00:34:38,206 --> 00:34:43,690
♪ And I was made for you ♪
632
00:34:46,780 --> 00:34:51,611
♪ I was made for you ♪
633
00:34:55,223 --> 00:35:00,098
♪ I was made for you ♪
634
00:35:03,623 --> 00:35:08,454
♪ I was made for you ♪
635
00:35:12,197 --> 00:35:16,723
♪ I was made for you ♪
636
00:35:20,683 --> 00:35:25,340
♪ I was made for you ♪
637
00:35:29,388 --> 00:35:31,216
[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]
638
00:35:39,137 --> 00:35:40,181
Oh, yeah.
639
00:35:41,574 --> 00:35:43,402
[BOTH PANTING]
640
00:35:46,318 --> 00:35:48,102
- [LAUGHING]
- You okay?
641
00:35:54,152 --> 00:35:55,849
Oh, shit.
642
00:35:56,023 --> 00:35:57,677
- Babe.
- What?
643
00:35:57,851 --> 00:36:00,158
I fucked up my cycle.
We shouldn't have done that.
644
00:36:00,332 --> 00:36:01,942
[SPITS]
645
00:36:02,116 --> 00:36:03,900
See?
646
00:36:04,074 --> 00:36:05,380
Okay. Well...
647
00:36:07,121 --> 00:36:10,603
I know it's not ideal,
but we can go get Plan B.
648
00:36:10,777 --> 00:36:12,387
It's a good thing
you caught it.
649
00:36:12,561 --> 00:36:14,694
I hate that I can't be
on birth control.
650
00:36:18,828 --> 00:36:21,744
The app's been working fine.
We just have to be more careful.
651
00:36:21,918 --> 00:36:23,659
Oh, we have to be more careful?
652
00:36:23,833 --> 00:36:26,532
No, really you maybe have
to be more careful.
653
00:36:26,706 --> 00:36:29,317
[LAUGHS, SIGHS]
654
00:36:29,491 --> 00:36:31,058
Hey, you should be more careful.
655
00:36:31,232 --> 00:36:33,147
You've got a little schmutz
on your face.
656
00:36:34,366 --> 00:36:36,716
Oh, you think I give a fuck?
657
00:36:36,890 --> 00:36:39,022
You think I fucking
give a shit, bro?
658
00:36:39,197 --> 00:36:41,503
I--You do. You do.
659
00:36:41,677 --> 00:36:42,983
What are you doing? No.
660
00:36:43,157 --> 00:36:44,854
What do you think
you're doing? No.
661
00:36:45,028 --> 00:36:48,554
- Where are you gonna go?
- You look like you have rabies.
662
00:36:48,728 --> 00:36:51,165
- Get away from me.
- I might have. Come here.
663
00:36:51,339 --> 00:36:52,862
[BOTH LAUGHING]
664
00:36:53,036 --> 00:36:54,995
We're gonna get into it
when the group gets in,
665
00:36:55,169 --> 00:36:56,779
but how was your week?
666
00:37:00,174 --> 00:37:02,132
Well, today is the day.
667
00:37:02,307 --> 00:37:04,222
Are you ready
for your first exposure?
668
00:37:04,396 --> 00:37:07,050
So excited. I still
don't even get what it is.
669
00:37:07,225 --> 00:37:09,444
So it's about
desensitization, right?
670
00:37:09,618 --> 00:37:11,577
So you're gonna write out
your intrusive thoughts
671
00:37:11,751 --> 00:37:13,796
or record them
and then play them back.
672
00:37:13,970 --> 00:37:17,322
Then you're gonna try
to allow yourself to be anxious
673
00:37:17,496 --> 00:37:19,411
without performing
any compulsions.
674
00:37:19,585 --> 00:37:21,021
That's the most important part.
675
00:37:21,195 --> 00:37:22,718
It's where
all the work gets done.
676
00:37:22,892 --> 00:37:25,765
So make myself more anxious
to be less anxious.
677
00:37:25,939 --> 00:37:27,288
Essentially, yeah. Yeah.
678
00:37:27,462 --> 00:37:29,159
Eventually I might have you
walk around
679
00:37:29,334 --> 00:37:30,552
with a pocket knife
680
00:37:30,726 --> 00:37:32,946
or go to bed with a knife
at your bedside.
681
00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:34,774
But don't--CHUCKLES]
682
00:37:34,948 --> 00:37:35,775
Don't worry.
683
00:37:35,949 --> 00:37:36,993
Don't panic.
684
00:37:37,167 --> 00:37:38,691
You got this.
685
00:37:38,865 --> 00:37:39,996
What's this?
686
00:37:40,170 --> 00:37:41,955
A book for
your friends and family.
687
00:37:42,129 --> 00:37:45,088
It's kind of like the dos and
don'ts of how to help you out.
688
00:37:45,263 --> 00:37:47,177
You should probably
give it a read too.
689
00:37:50,180 --> 00:37:51,399
- Thank you.
- Mm-hm.
690
00:38:01,496 --> 00:38:03,281
[SHIFTER CLICKS,
CAR SHUTS OFF]
691
00:38:04,456 --> 00:38:05,370
[SIGHS]
692
00:38:20,602 --> 00:38:23,562
My OCD attacks my relationship.
693
00:38:26,782 --> 00:38:28,828
Makes me dissect
every aspect of it,
694
00:38:29,002 --> 00:38:30,656
Emily and I,
until I bring both of us
695
00:38:30,830 --> 00:38:32,527
to the point
of complete exhaustion
696
00:38:32,701 --> 00:38:35,269
and we decide to break up.
697
00:38:38,098 --> 00:38:39,491
After we break up, I realize
698
00:38:39,665 --> 00:38:41,797
I've made the biggest mistake
of my life.
699
00:38:45,540 --> 00:38:47,673
At that point, I...
700
00:38:47,847 --> 00:38:50,589
I try to get her back,
but it's too late.
701
00:38:52,591 --> 00:38:53,461
My...
702
00:38:55,376 --> 00:38:57,204
I fall into a deep depression.
703
00:38:59,467 --> 00:39:01,339
My obsessions spiral
out of control
704
00:39:01,513 --> 00:39:03,558
and I end up
in an insane asylum.
705
00:39:04,994 --> 00:39:06,126
All alone.
706
00:39:08,911 --> 00:39:11,174
Driven to the point
of complete insanity,
707
00:39:11,349 --> 00:39:13,481
I decide to take my own life.
708
00:39:20,532 --> 00:39:22,055
- [RACHEL] Hey. Come in.
- What's up?
709
00:39:22,229 --> 00:39:23,361
Duke said you wanted see me.
710
00:39:23,535 --> 00:39:24,449
Um...
711
00:39:25,014 --> 00:39:26,102
It's okay.
712
00:39:26,886 --> 00:39:28,061
What's up?
713
00:39:29,105 --> 00:39:30,280
Um...
714
00:39:32,108 --> 00:39:35,721
Well, you know, like,
what you were saying about me,
715
00:39:35,895 --> 00:39:37,810
like, following my dreams
and all that?
716
00:39:37,984 --> 00:39:39,246
Mm-hm.
717
00:39:39,594 --> 00:39:41,683
Well, I kind of brought it up
in therapy.
718
00:39:42,989 --> 00:39:44,730
- And?
- Um...
719
00:39:46,209 --> 00:39:47,515
I guess there's, like,
720
00:39:47,689 --> 00:39:50,388
some fashion school
called FIDM.
721
00:39:51,780 --> 00:39:55,436
And I was thinking about
maybe applying.
722
00:39:57,873 --> 00:39:58,787
What?
723
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:03,313
- [CHUCKLES]
- Hell yeah, dude.
724
00:40:03,488 --> 00:40:05,054
- Let's go.
- Yeah.
725
00:40:05,228 --> 00:40:07,622
Um, I just don't really know
how to do it,
726
00:40:07,796 --> 00:40:09,319
so I kind of need your help.
727
00:40:10,712 --> 00:40:12,148
Of course.
728
00:40:12,322 --> 00:40:13,715
Anything.
729
00:40:13,889 --> 00:40:15,674
Um...
730
00:40:15,848 --> 00:40:18,503
Yeah, I have to, like,
write an essay,
731
00:40:18,677 --> 00:40:21,767
and then I need
a letter of recommendation.
732
00:40:21,941 --> 00:40:23,116
Okay.
733
00:40:23,290 --> 00:40:25,901
And I know
that you're a writer.
734
00:40:26,075 --> 00:40:29,078
Um, but if you didn't wanna
do that, I totally get it.
735
00:40:29,252 --> 00:40:30,732
Pssh, hey.
736
00:40:30,906 --> 00:40:32,168
I got you.
737
00:40:32,342 --> 00:40:33,735
We're gonna
crush this application.
738
00:40:33,909 --> 00:40:34,823
You hear me?
739
00:40:34,997 --> 00:40:36,651
Yeah, I just didn't, like,
740
00:40:36,825 --> 00:40:39,045
wanna tell everybody else
about it yet.
741
00:40:39,219 --> 00:40:41,526
Mm, you don't want Brandon
to shade your shine?
742
00:40:41,700 --> 00:40:43,484
Exactly.
743
00:40:43,658 --> 00:40:46,922
I won't say anything.
Your business is your business.
744
00:40:48,750 --> 00:40:50,665
- Thank you.
- Big moves.
745
00:40:51,361 --> 00:40:53,015
- [EMILY] Hey, babe.
- Hmm?
746
00:40:53,189 --> 00:40:54,843
How much time we got?
747
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:00,893
Five minutes max.
748
00:41:01,067 --> 00:41:03,548
Okay. Okay, I'm almost ready.
749
00:41:03,722 --> 00:41:05,419
Oh, uh, Nora gave me this book.
750
00:41:05,593 --> 00:41:08,944
It's for friends and family.
It's about how you can help.
751
00:41:09,118 --> 00:41:11,947
Oh, nice. Um, can you put it
on my nightstand?
752
00:41:13,558 --> 00:41:14,602
Sure.
753
00:41:25,091 --> 00:41:27,746
- Wow.
- Yeah?
754
00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:29,312
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
755
00:41:31,097 --> 00:41:32,838
- You like it?
- Yeah, I like it.
756
00:41:33,012 --> 00:41:35,797
Do I look like a Bond girl?
757
00:41:35,971 --> 00:41:37,320
They'd be lucky to have you.
758
00:41:37,495 --> 00:41:39,409
Or like I'm--
Like I'm in a music video?
759
00:41:39,584 --> 00:41:40,759
[LAUGHS]
760
00:41:40,933 --> 00:41:42,500
- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.
761
00:41:42,674 --> 00:41:44,806
I mean, you know,
I can do anything in this.
762
00:41:44,980 --> 00:41:48,897
I can do my body rolls.
I can do my around the worlds.
763
00:41:49,071 --> 00:41:50,899
- Whoo!
- [LAUGHS]
764
00:41:51,073 --> 00:41:53,598
No, but, really, you like it?
It's...
765
00:41:54,686 --> 00:41:55,948
You look beautiful.
766
00:41:58,559 --> 00:42:00,082
I do need five more minutes.
767
00:42:00,256 --> 00:42:02,737
- Just, really, a quick five.
- Baby... A quick five.
768
00:42:02,911 --> 00:42:03,999
So another 15.
769
00:42:04,173 --> 00:42:05,435
- I'm a lucky man too.
- Oh?
770
00:42:05,610 --> 00:42:07,263
- Yeah, you are.
- Yeah.
771
00:42:07,437 --> 00:42:09,614
I mean, zero argument here, right?
772
00:42:09,788 --> 00:42:11,224
- You're so modest too.
- Yeah.
773
00:42:11,398 --> 00:42:13,966
I think modesty
is one of my greatest strengths.
774
00:42:14,140 --> 00:42:18,361
Wouldn't you say? Yeah, you like
that? You like that comedy?
775
00:42:18,536 --> 00:42:20,538
- Anybody need more wine?
- Yeah.
776
00:42:20,712 --> 00:42:22,017
No. That would be it.
777
00:42:23,845 --> 00:42:24,933
Thank you.
778
00:42:25,107 --> 00:42:26,282
- Good.
- No?
779
00:42:26,456 --> 00:42:27,675
[VOICES DISTORT, FADING]
780
00:42:27,849 --> 00:42:29,285
- Oh, he gave up.
- Cooper.
781
00:42:29,459 --> 00:42:30,460
Yeah?
782
00:42:30,635 --> 00:42:31,940
[STEVE]
Give her a hand.
783
00:42:32,114 --> 00:42:33,768
[EMILY]
That's why we keep him around.
784
00:42:33,942 --> 00:42:35,944
[STEVE]
Yeah, he's very handy.
785
00:42:36,118 --> 00:42:38,947
[JANICE]
Well, I'd like to make a toast.
786
00:42:40,775 --> 00:42:42,298
- Um...
- Lovely.
787
00:42:44,431 --> 00:42:46,346
We all love you.
788
00:42:47,869 --> 00:42:49,392
Who you are as people.
789
00:42:50,959 --> 00:42:52,352
Who you are together.
790
00:42:53,571 --> 00:42:54,528
[EMILY]
Yeah.
791
00:42:54,702 --> 00:42:55,529
Just love you.
792
00:42:55,703 --> 00:42:57,052
[CHUCKLES]
793
00:42:57,226 --> 00:42:59,402
- Oh, my sweetheart.
- Oh, here we go.
794
00:42:59,577 --> 00:43:01,753
No, no, no, stop it. Your--
795
00:43:01,927 --> 00:43:04,886
Your mother and I are
just over the moon.
796
00:43:05,060 --> 00:43:06,453
And we can't wait.
797
00:43:06,627 --> 00:43:09,674
Well, Em and I are
so glad to be here
798
00:43:09,848 --> 00:43:11,414
with each and every one of you.
799
00:43:11,589 --> 00:43:14,504
There's nobody we'd rather
be celebrating this with.
800
00:43:14,679 --> 00:43:16,811
Truly. So...
801
00:43:16,985 --> 00:43:18,160
Cheers. We love you guys.
802
00:43:18,334 --> 00:43:20,598
- Love you, Mom.
- [ALL LAUGHING]
803
00:43:20,772 --> 00:43:24,340
♪ One plus one, you splice me ♪
804
00:43:24,514 --> 00:43:26,560
♪ The devil's in the desert ♪
805
00:43:26,734 --> 00:43:29,737
♪ Two plus one, I splice you ♪
806
00:43:29,911 --> 00:43:31,913
♪ The devil's in the desert ♪
807
00:43:32,087 --> 00:43:34,612
♪ Two plus two, I splice them ♪
808
00:43:34,786 --> 00:43:37,049
♪ The devil's in the desert ♪
809
00:43:37,223 --> 00:43:41,749
♪ One plus one
You splice me... ♪
810
00:43:41,923 --> 00:43:44,404
Hey, hey, hey.
Stop the music. Call 911!
811
00:43:44,578 --> 00:43:46,667
[RODNEY]
Oh, dude.
812
00:43:46,841 --> 00:43:48,582
Cooper. Man, I--
813
00:43:48,756 --> 00:43:50,976
I'm really sorry, man. That's--
814
00:43:51,150 --> 00:43:53,152
[LIZ]
Yeah, I'm sure that goes
for all of us.
815
00:43:53,326 --> 00:43:56,242
Absolutely. If it wasn't
a heart attack, what was it?
816
00:43:56,416 --> 00:43:58,287
We don't know.
817
00:43:58,461 --> 00:44:01,508
Hopefully we'll get some results
from the MRI today
818
00:44:01,682 --> 00:44:03,641
and figure out what's going on.
819
00:44:07,079 --> 00:44:09,908
But thanks, guys,
I appreciate it. It's, um...
820
00:44:11,257 --> 00:44:12,650
No. I mean, feel free
821
00:44:12,824 --> 00:44:14,826
to take the rest
of the week off if you--
822
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:17,132
No, no, this--This helps.
823
00:44:17,306 --> 00:44:19,265
I have to show up for myself
824
00:44:19,439 --> 00:44:22,529
so I can show up
for Emily and her family.
825
00:44:22,703 --> 00:44:23,791
Okay.
826
00:44:23,965 --> 00:44:25,924
Well, I'm at least happy
827
00:44:26,098 --> 00:44:28,970
that your first exposure
is starting to wane.
828
00:44:29,144 --> 00:44:31,451
You ready to step it up?
829
00:44:32,539 --> 00:44:34,323
Ready as I'll ever be.
830
00:44:34,497 --> 00:44:37,979
Hey, what's up?
Is there any news?
831
00:44:38,153 --> 00:44:40,416
[EMILY]
I didn't know
if you were still in therapy.
832
00:44:40,590 --> 00:44:42,027
I'm on my way home.
833
00:44:42,201 --> 00:44:43,898
- Are you driving?
- Yeah.
834
00:44:45,552 --> 00:44:47,728
Uh, we can talk
when you get here.
835
00:44:47,902 --> 00:44:50,035
Okay. Sure.
836
00:44:50,209 --> 00:44:51,906
They don't think
it's the years he smoked.
837
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,213
- So, what then?
- He got cobalt treatment
838
00:44:54,387 --> 00:44:55,823
in the '80s,
and apparently, back then,
839
00:44:55,997 --> 00:44:57,738
they did radiation
from the neck down,
840
00:44:57,912 --> 00:45:00,654
- so that could be it.
- [SIGHS] Jesus.
841
00:45:02,308 --> 00:45:05,311
- When can he come home?
- Uh, later today.
842
00:45:05,615 --> 00:45:07,139
Yeah. Mom's there now.
843
00:45:07,313 --> 00:45:08,836
I can come too.
I'll call work off.
844
00:45:09,010 --> 00:45:10,098
- No, no.
- Are you sure?
845
00:45:10,272 --> 00:45:11,491
- Yeah.
- I wanna help.
846
00:45:11,665 --> 00:45:13,580
I know. There's gonna be
time for that.
847
00:45:13,754 --> 00:45:14,755
I think I should just go.
848
00:45:14,929 --> 00:45:16,148
- Okay.
- Okay.
849
00:45:16,322 --> 00:45:17,366
Just let me know.
850
00:45:17,540 --> 00:45:19,673
I wanna help. I'm here. Okay?
851
00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:24,286
[PANTING]
852
00:45:28,813 --> 00:45:29,944
[WHISPERS]
I'm okay.
853
00:45:54,012 --> 00:45:54,882
Fuck it.
854
00:46:00,845 --> 00:46:01,889
Hey.
855
00:46:03,935 --> 00:46:05,458
Where are you going?
856
00:46:05,632 --> 00:46:07,416
What the hell is going on?
857
00:46:07,590 --> 00:46:09,897
She made a rap video with her
drug dealer when she was home.
858
00:46:10,071 --> 00:46:11,681
She's all drugged out
and naked in it,
859
00:46:11,856 --> 00:46:13,248
making out with another girl.
860
00:46:13,422 --> 00:46:15,511
She doesn't remember it,
but it got put online,
861
00:46:15,685 --> 00:46:17,122
- and her father saw it.
- Oh, fuck.
862
00:46:17,296 --> 00:46:18,776
Yeah.
863
00:46:18,950 --> 00:46:21,213
I can't stay late today.
I gotta get to class.
864
00:46:21,387 --> 00:46:24,694
- It's okay. I'll do it. Yeah.
- Thanks. I owe you one.
865
00:46:28,263 --> 00:46:29,699
[CRYING]
866
00:46:42,712 --> 00:46:43,670
[RACHEL]
Hi.
867
00:46:56,770 --> 00:46:58,728
- Do you wanna hear something?
- Sure.
868
00:47:00,295 --> 00:47:02,036
One time I paid 5 bucks
869
00:47:02,210 --> 00:47:04,430
to lick the used spoon
of a junkie.
870
00:47:07,041 --> 00:47:08,521
That must have been a low.
871
00:47:08,695 --> 00:47:11,741
Well, it definitely wasn't
a high.
872
00:47:11,916 --> 00:47:13,265
I guess, technically, it was.
873
00:47:13,439 --> 00:47:14,527
[CHUCKLES]
874
00:47:20,707 --> 00:47:23,057
Dude, my fucking dad
saw that video.
875
00:47:25,190 --> 00:47:26,669
Yeah. He did.
876
00:47:30,543 --> 00:47:33,241
He told me he never
wants to speak to me again.
877
00:47:38,072 --> 00:47:39,595
He just needs time.
878
00:47:39,769 --> 00:47:41,989
He's processing things,
like you are.
879
00:47:44,252 --> 00:47:45,384
Yeah, I know.
880
00:47:47,081 --> 00:47:49,127
We can't control
other people's emotions.
881
00:47:49,301 --> 00:47:50,911
You can try.
882
00:47:51,085 --> 00:47:53,044
It's a quick path
to depression.
883
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:56,612
Well, I'm already depressed,
884
00:47:56,786 --> 00:47:58,876
so fuck it.
What's one more thing, right?
885
00:48:01,182 --> 00:48:02,270
I get it. I know.
886
00:48:03,619 --> 00:48:05,752
You have to fix yourself
887
00:48:05,926 --> 00:48:07,536
right now.
888
00:48:07,710 --> 00:48:09,887
All the demolition cleanup
from your past...
889
00:48:11,801 --> 00:48:12,933
that's for later.
890
00:48:14,761 --> 00:48:16,458
[SARCASTIC]
Yay. Can't wait.
891
00:48:21,768 --> 00:48:22,987
[SIGHS]
892
00:48:26,599 --> 00:48:28,340
You ready to go back in there?
893
00:48:29,428 --> 00:48:31,212
Um...
894
00:48:31,386 --> 00:48:32,779
just a few more minutes.
895
00:48:32,953 --> 00:48:33,998
Sure.
896
00:48:43,572 --> 00:48:45,531
[SNIFFLES]
897
00:48:45,705 --> 00:48:47,750
Sometimes it's...
898
00:48:47,925 --> 00:48:51,145
hardest to talk to the people
you're closest to, isn't it?
899
00:48:54,366 --> 00:48:55,541
Amen to that.
900
00:48:59,762 --> 00:49:02,896
- How's your essay coming along?
- It's good.
901
00:49:03,070 --> 00:49:06,117
Uh, they want me to write
902
00:49:06,291 --> 00:49:09,207
about a time I had to
overcome adversity. Any ideas?
903
00:49:11,252 --> 00:49:13,733
[BOTH LAUGHING]
904
00:49:13,907 --> 00:49:15,822
Oh, FIDM!
905
00:49:15,996 --> 00:49:17,955
- FIDM!
- [YELLS] FIDM!
906
00:50:17,840 --> 00:50:20,756
[♪]
907
00:50:38,861 --> 00:50:40,428
[COOPER OVER SPEAKER]
My constant fear and worry
908
00:50:40,602 --> 00:50:42,561
eventually drives me
to complete insanity.
909
00:50:43,083 --> 00:50:45,955
I lose control of my mind
and decide to murder Emily.
910
00:50:46,652 --> 00:50:48,610
When I get home,
she's asleep in bed.
911
00:50:49,220 --> 00:50:51,265
I grab a butcher knife
and hack her to pieces.
912
00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:22,818
[SIGHS]
913
00:51:41,489 --> 00:51:43,535
I've just been trying so hard,
you know?
914
00:51:43,709 --> 00:51:45,276
[RODNEY]
Yeah.
915
00:51:45,450 --> 00:51:47,626
But I think
I'm finally getting it
916
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:51,020
that I can't take this on alone.
917
00:51:51,195 --> 00:51:52,979
Yeah, but you're here, right?
918
00:51:53,153 --> 00:51:56,417
Brother, you're gonna be okay.
You are.
919
00:51:56,591 --> 00:51:59,246
Steve's diagnosis has been
making my health OCD
920
00:51:59,420 --> 00:52:01,335
flare up like crazy.
921
00:52:01,509 --> 00:52:04,338
Keep digging deep
and trusting the process.
922
00:52:04,512 --> 00:52:06,514
Just like OCD
doesn't develop overnight,
923
00:52:06,688 --> 00:52:08,473
it takes time to do the work.
924
00:52:08,647 --> 00:52:10,214
But you're killing it, man.
925
00:52:10,388 --> 00:52:11,693
Mm, I don't know.
926
00:52:11,867 --> 00:52:15,044
- Thanks, guys. That's it.
- Yeah?
927
00:52:15,219 --> 00:52:17,873
Okay. Rodney, how was your week?
928
00:52:18,047 --> 00:52:19,353
Aw, fuck!
929
00:52:19,527 --> 00:52:21,834
Well, my week sucked, man.
930
00:52:22,008 --> 00:52:23,618
Yeah. Uh, all right,
931
00:52:23,792 --> 00:52:28,188
so I was already running late
for work on Thursday
932
00:52:28,362 --> 00:52:31,583
when I had this massive spike.
Yeah.
933
00:52:31,757 --> 00:52:34,586
I drove by this car accident
getting off the freeway.
934
00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:36,370
- [COOPER WHISTLES SOFTLY]
- Yeah.
935
00:52:36,544 --> 00:52:39,721
So, uh, I sat pretty well
with the anxiety,
936
00:52:39,895 --> 00:52:41,158
you know, for a few blocks,
937
00:52:41,332 --> 00:52:43,899
but then, uh, I lost the battle.
938
00:52:44,073 --> 00:52:49,296
Yeah. My OCD convinced me
that I caused the accident.
939
00:52:49,470 --> 00:52:51,907
So I drove back to the scene.
940
00:52:52,081 --> 00:52:53,692
How many times did you drive by?
941
00:52:53,866 --> 00:52:58,087
Fuck. Like five, you know?
Fuck, you know?
942
00:52:58,262 --> 00:53:01,178
I wish it was just
the drive-bys though, right?
943
00:53:01,352 --> 00:53:04,485
- Yeah.
- But--So I parked my bike,
944
00:53:04,659 --> 00:53:07,923
joined everyone on the curb,
and I watched the scene.
945
00:53:08,097 --> 00:53:10,230
Yeah. And I started
asking everyone
946
00:53:10,404 --> 00:53:11,623
if they saw what happened.
947
00:53:11,797 --> 00:53:13,277
So reassurance seeking?
948
00:53:13,451 --> 00:53:15,017
[STAMMERS]
949
00:53:15,192 --> 00:53:18,412
Yeah. But I didn't stop there.
I didn't stop there.
950
00:53:18,586 --> 00:53:20,806
Started probing
the police officer.
951
00:53:20,980 --> 00:53:22,590
Yeah. Yeah.
952
00:53:22,764 --> 00:53:26,072
On the scene. Trying to find out
if they had any leads.
953
00:53:26,246 --> 00:53:28,161
- Right?
- No, you didn't. NO, you--
954
00:53:28,335 --> 00:53:31,077
Grab your popcorn.
This shit gets even better.
955
00:53:31,251 --> 00:53:32,339
- Yeah.
- All right.
956
00:53:32,513 --> 00:53:34,167
[ALL LAUGHING]
957
00:53:34,341 --> 00:53:36,648
So an ambulance came, right?
958
00:53:36,822 --> 00:53:41,043
And I ended up following it
all the way to the hospital.
959
00:53:41,218 --> 00:53:42,436
- My God. Rodney!
- Yeah.
960
00:53:42,610 --> 00:53:45,178
Yeah, but before
he got admitted,
961
00:53:45,352 --> 00:53:47,093
I walked in front of the guy
962
00:53:47,267 --> 00:53:52,098
that got into the car accident
to see if he recognized me, man.
963
00:53:52,272 --> 00:53:54,492
Like total weirdo shit, man.
964
00:53:54,666 --> 00:53:56,668
Total weirdo shit.
[CRYING]
965
00:53:56,842 --> 00:54:01,977
I mean, I'm laughing now, but...
966
00:54:02,151 --> 00:54:05,372
But it was shitty as hell,
you know?
967
00:54:06,895 --> 00:54:08,027
I was like, what,
968
00:54:08,201 --> 00:54:10,986
like two hours late for work.
969
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:14,686
And I spent the rest of the day
convinced--
970
00:54:14,860 --> 00:54:16,905
I was so fucking convinced
971
00:54:17,079 --> 00:54:18,864
that the cops were
gonna come arrest me
972
00:54:19,038 --> 00:54:20,779
any second, man. Right?
973
00:54:22,433 --> 00:54:24,173
Isn't that crazy?
974
00:54:24,348 --> 00:54:25,305
Fucking weird.
975
00:54:26,567 --> 00:54:28,482
How was your week, Liz?
976
00:54:28,656 --> 00:54:31,268
I'm glad you're here, Rodney.
977
00:54:31,442 --> 00:54:33,792
Oh, Jake.
You're gonna be all right, Coop.
978
00:54:33,966 --> 00:54:35,533
Thanks, man.
979
00:54:35,707 --> 00:54:36,925
Fuck, right?
980
00:54:38,971 --> 00:54:40,755
Aw, shit, man.
981
00:54:40,929 --> 00:54:42,931
Yeah. Yeah, fuck it.
982
00:54:51,331 --> 00:54:53,072
[COOPER]
Hey, hey.
983
00:54:53,246 --> 00:54:54,421
Hey, mate.
984
00:54:56,075 --> 00:54:57,903
What's going on in the game?
985
00:54:58,077 --> 00:55:01,080
Uh... Oh, uh...
986
00:55:01,254 --> 00:55:04,475
- Lakers just pulled it out.
- Nice.
987
00:55:04,649 --> 00:55:08,087
Yeah. You want a drink?
988
00:55:08,261 --> 00:55:10,568
I'm okay. Thanks.
989
00:55:10,742 --> 00:55:12,047
Oh, no, it's okay.
990
00:55:12,221 --> 00:55:13,832
I'll have one for you.
991
00:55:17,096 --> 00:55:18,227
So...
992
00:55:20,055 --> 00:55:21,927
I just wanna
address the elephant.
993
00:55:25,017 --> 00:55:26,801
It's Stage 4.
994
00:55:26,975 --> 00:55:28,194
It's aggressive.
995
00:55:29,848 --> 00:55:32,067
I'm pretty much looking
to palliative care.
996
00:55:43,775 --> 00:55:44,645
Okay.
997
00:55:47,909 --> 00:55:49,433
You two take care of Janice.
998
00:55:52,392 --> 00:55:55,439
Gonna fight the hell out of
this thing for as long as I can.
999
00:55:57,484 --> 00:55:59,181
But she's gonna need
a lot of support.
1000
00:56:00,095 --> 00:56:02,881
Absolutely. But we're gonna
be here for you too.
1001
00:56:03,838 --> 00:56:05,318
- Yeah.
- Okay?
1002
00:56:06,188 --> 00:56:08,930
Em told me you know a lot
about this stuff.
1003
00:56:09,104 --> 00:56:10,671
I have--Yeah.
1004
00:56:11,019 --> 00:56:12,543
[CHUCKLES]
1005
00:56:12,717 --> 00:56:15,807
I weirdly have a lot
of cancer knowledge. Yeah.
1006
00:56:19,288 --> 00:56:21,465
What do you think
of my chemo hat?
1007
00:56:23,249 --> 00:56:24,555
Pretty sharp, huh?
1008
00:56:26,774 --> 00:56:27,775
Sinatra.
1009
00:56:27,949 --> 00:56:29,255
Sinatra in the flesh.
1010
00:56:29,429 --> 00:56:31,083
[BOTH LAUGH]
1011
00:56:31,257 --> 00:56:32,737
-"Luck Be a Lady."
- [CHUCKLES]
1012
00:56:38,133 --> 00:56:39,874
[BREATHING DEEPLY]
1013
00:56:44,357 --> 00:56:46,577
You got this, Steve.
You're gonna be okay.
1014
00:56:48,666 --> 00:56:49,536
Yeah.
1015
00:56:50,755 --> 00:56:51,843
[SOBS]
1016
00:56:52,017 --> 00:56:53,018
I'm scared.
1017
00:56:56,848 --> 00:56:57,805
[SOFTLY]
I know.
1018
00:57:01,069 --> 00:57:02,810
I don't wanna go first.
1019
00:57:03,898 --> 00:57:05,117
[CRYING]
1020
00:57:08,860 --> 00:57:10,296
First.
1021
00:57:15,344 --> 00:57:16,955
[EMILY RETCHING]
1022
00:57:20,611 --> 00:57:21,481
You okay?
1023
00:57:28,183 --> 00:57:30,011
So apparently,
the morning-after pill
1024
00:57:30,185 --> 00:57:31,970
only works on leftover sperm
1025
00:57:32,144 --> 00:57:35,539
and is useless if the sperm
and the egg have already fused.
1026
00:57:38,585 --> 00:57:41,109
- Wait, what?
- Yeah, so I'm fucking pregnant.
1027
00:57:52,817 --> 00:57:55,776
If we get the abortion, we can't
get it for another two weeks.
1028
00:57:57,212 --> 00:57:58,387
How come?
1029
00:57:58,562 --> 00:58:02,870
Um, they caught it
so early that...
1030
00:58:03,044 --> 00:58:05,482
we have to wait for the embryo
1031
00:58:05,656 --> 00:58:07,658
to grow to a certain size,
I guess.
1032
00:58:11,226 --> 00:58:12,837
I mean, I'm not--
1033
00:58:13,011 --> 00:58:14,491
This isn't, like,
the first time.
1034
00:58:14,665 --> 00:58:16,754
- I'm not 19 and we're engaged.
- I know.
1035
00:58:19,974 --> 00:58:22,499
I mean, I know that
there's no perfect time. Jesus.
1036
00:58:24,892 --> 00:58:28,722
- [BREATHES DEEPLY]
- Take all that away.
1037
00:58:28,896 --> 00:58:30,507
What's your gut telling you?
1038
00:58:33,205 --> 00:58:34,206
I don't know.
1039
00:58:35,686 --> 00:58:37,078
I'm confused too.
1040
00:58:40,212 --> 00:58:41,518
But I know I love you.
1041
00:58:42,954 --> 00:58:44,085
Like a crazy person.
1042
00:58:48,307 --> 00:58:49,395
And Steve's dying.
1043
00:58:49,569 --> 00:58:50,657
[SOBBING]
1044
00:58:50,831 --> 00:58:53,268
Hey. Come here. Hey.
1045
00:58:53,442 --> 00:58:54,705
Come here.
1046
00:58:59,666 --> 00:59:00,711
[SIGHS]
1047
00:59:06,325 --> 00:59:07,544
Whatever we decide...
1048
00:59:08,893 --> 00:59:10,590
- You decide...
- Mm-hmm.
1049
00:59:11,678 --> 00:59:13,158
I'll be right here.
1050
00:59:14,986 --> 00:59:16,204
Always.
1051
00:59:19,207 --> 00:59:20,426
Okay?
1052
00:59:22,384 --> 00:59:23,255
[SNIFFLING]
1053
00:59:23,429 --> 00:59:24,822
Can I use your shirt?
1054
00:59:26,475 --> 00:59:27,868
Here, let me help you.
1055
00:59:29,348 --> 00:59:30,479
Mmm.
1056
00:59:30,654 --> 00:59:32,046
That is so weird
when you do that.
1057
00:59:32,220 --> 00:59:33,831
Mm. You like it.
1058
00:59:51,544 --> 00:59:52,632
You good?
1059
00:59:52,806 --> 00:59:54,155
What?
1060
00:59:54,329 --> 00:59:56,636
You just--ou seem really quiet.
1061
00:59:56,810 --> 00:59:58,725
It's freaking me out.
1062
00:59:58,899 --> 01:00:00,727
I'm just giving you
space to think.
1063
01:00:00,901 --> 01:00:02,947
You're over there
writing your masterpiece.
1064
01:00:08,605 --> 01:00:11,390
How long have you
and your fiancée been together?
1065
01:00:16,569 --> 01:00:18,658
Eight years.
Wow.
1066
01:00:21,095 --> 01:00:23,228
I was like 10
when you guys met.
1067
01:00:26,057 --> 01:00:28,320
Oh, like 10.
1068
01:00:28,494 --> 01:00:31,932
Like--Like--Like 10?
"I was like 10 years old."
1069
01:00:32,106 --> 01:00:33,455
I'm a junkie, okay?
1070
01:00:33,630 --> 01:00:35,849
- I don't know how to do math.
- [LAUGHS]
1071
01:00:36,023 --> 01:00:37,503
"I don't do math."
Where you from, dude?
1072
01:00:37,677 --> 01:00:40,288
I don't do math.
Two plus two, I don't know it.
1073
01:00:40,462 --> 01:00:42,029
- Two plus two is five.
- [LAUGHS]
1074
01:00:42,203 --> 01:00:45,119
Two plus two is five,
maybe six, I don't know.
1075
01:00:45,293 --> 01:00:46,294
"I'm from Omaha."
1076
01:00:46,468 --> 01:00:48,035
[BOTH LAUGHING]
1077
01:00:48,209 --> 01:00:50,734
Oftentimes you don't see
your rock bottom coming
1078
01:00:50,908 --> 01:00:52,431
until it's too late.
1079
01:00:52,605 --> 01:00:57,349
I have 29 years. I go to
meetings three times a week.
1080
01:00:57,523 --> 01:01:00,613
I'm the CFO
of a Nasdaq-traded company.
1081
01:01:02,006 --> 01:01:03,921
Still, there is not a day
1082
01:01:04,095 --> 01:01:06,488
that I don't think about using.
1083
01:01:06,663 --> 01:01:08,665
Let me leave you with this.
1084
01:01:10,579 --> 01:01:12,669
Get out of your story.
1085
01:01:15,106 --> 01:01:18,196
Get out
of those cyclical thoughts
1086
01:01:18,370 --> 01:01:21,721
that have you thinking
it means anything.
1087
01:01:21,895 --> 01:01:23,462
Because it doesn't.
1088
01:01:23,636 --> 01:01:26,030
The only thing that matters...
1089
01:01:27,335 --> 01:01:28,685
is what you do.
1090
01:01:30,164 --> 01:01:32,123
Every choice you make...
1091
01:01:33,385 --> 01:01:35,822
is a step toward fear...
1092
01:01:37,084 --> 01:01:38,216
or love.
1093
01:01:39,783 --> 01:01:41,132
Choose love.
1094
01:01:42,568 --> 01:01:44,265
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
1095
01:01:46,354 --> 01:01:47,268
- That's me.
- Great.
1096
01:01:47,442 --> 01:01:49,009
- Okay?
- Thank you.
1097
01:01:49,183 --> 01:01:51,142
- Don't be afraid to use it.
- Okay. Thank you.
1098
01:01:51,316 --> 01:01:53,187
- All right.
- Very nice to meet you.
1099
01:01:53,361 --> 01:01:55,015
- Nice to meet you. Bye-bye.
- Thank you.
1100
01:01:55,189 --> 01:01:57,714
Dude. She said
she'd be my sponsor.
1101
01:01:57,888 --> 01:01:59,846
What? Amazing, dude.
1102
01:02:00,020 --> 01:02:02,196
What's that make now,
four or five?
1103
01:02:02,370 --> 01:02:04,068
Two, actually.
1104
01:02:04,242 --> 01:02:06,287
Probably the same amount
of girls you've been with.
1105
01:02:06,461 --> 01:02:07,593
Poor things.
1106
01:02:12,598 --> 01:02:13,773
[SNICKERING]
1107
01:02:15,514 --> 01:02:17,342
[COOPER OVER SPEAKER]
My constant fear and worry
1108
01:02:17,516 --> 01:02:19,910
eventually drives me
to complete insanity.
1109
01:02:20,084 --> 01:02:23,522
I lose control of my mind
and decide to murder Emily.
1110
01:02:23,696 --> 01:02:25,916
When I get home,
she's asleep in bed.
1111
01:02:26,090 --> 01:02:28,962
I grab a butcher knife
and hack her to pieces.
1112
01:02:29,136 --> 01:02:30,834
[PLAYING "LOVE ME LIKE A FIRE"]
1113
01:02:32,574 --> 01:02:35,273
♪ Love me like a fire ♪
1114
01:02:35,447 --> 01:02:38,842
♪ And I'll love you
Like a flood ♪
1115
01:02:39,016 --> 01:02:41,583
♪ I'll give you
Everything I have ♪
1116
01:02:41,758 --> 01:02:46,110
♪ Down to the vapors
In my blood ♪
1117
01:02:46,284 --> 01:02:49,678
♪ I'll be your broken levee ♪
1118
01:02:49,853 --> 01:02:53,378
♪ If you will be my drug ♪
1119
01:02:53,552 --> 01:02:56,555
♪ Love me like a fire, boy ♪
1120
01:02:56,729 --> 01:03:00,167
♪ I'll love you like a flood ♪
1121
01:03:00,341 --> 01:03:03,214
♪ Love me like an anchor ♪
1122
01:03:03,388 --> 01:03:06,608
♪ And I'll love you
Like a rock ♪
1123
01:03:06,783 --> 01:03:10,090
I'll give you
Everything I have ♪
1124
01:03:10,264 --> 01:03:14,007
♪ Even the things
I haven't got ♪
1125
01:03:14,181 --> 01:03:17,228
♪ I'll tell you
That I love you ♪
1126
01:03:17,402 --> 01:03:21,101
♪ When you're worried
That I'll stop ♪
1127
01:03:21,275 --> 01:03:24,104
♪ Love me like an anchor, boy ♪
1128
01:03:24,278 --> 01:03:26,933
♪ And I'll love you
Like a rock ♪
1129
01:03:27,107 --> 01:03:33,157
♪ Come on now, love me ♪
1130
01:03:33,331 --> 01:03:39,119
♪ I need you to love me ♪
1131
01:03:40,468 --> 01:03:43,123
♪ Come on, baby ♪
1132
01:03:43,297 --> 01:03:49,651
♪ And love me ♪
1133
01:03:56,920 --> 01:03:59,444
That was around
sophomore year of college.
1134
01:03:59,618 --> 01:04:02,142
Had a difficult period
with hit-and-run,
1135
01:04:02,316 --> 01:04:05,972
uh, and currently
struggling with POCD.
1136
01:04:07,191 --> 01:04:08,845
Hey, man, I'm Cooper.
1137
01:04:09,019 --> 01:04:11,630
I got diagnosed
a few months ago.
1138
01:04:11,804 --> 01:04:14,328
Relationship OCD,
harm OCD, cancer OCD.
1139
01:04:14,502 --> 01:04:18,071
Uh, just figured I'd go for
the trifecta right off the bat.
1140
01:04:18,245 --> 01:04:20,682
Um, I've been
in your position, man.
1141
01:04:20,857 --> 01:04:23,207
I get it. We all do.
1142
01:04:23,381 --> 01:04:25,557
OCD attacks the things
that you love most.
1143
01:04:25,731 --> 01:04:28,342
But this group is unbelievable.
1144
01:04:28,516 --> 01:04:31,258
It's where you're gonna get
the support that you need,
1145
01:04:31,432 --> 01:04:33,130
- if you're open to it.
- [SNIFFLES]
1146
01:04:35,262 --> 01:04:36,785
Thanks.
1147
01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:39,005
- You're welcome, man.
- Yeah.
1148
01:04:41,965 --> 01:04:43,140
So, welcome.
1149
01:04:44,706 --> 01:04:46,447
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
1150
01:04:46,621 --> 01:04:47,448
- [LAUGHS]
- Yeah, dude.
1151
01:04:47,622 --> 01:04:48,972
All right. See you, bud.
1152
01:04:49,146 --> 01:04:50,364
- Later, Nora.
- Have fun tonight.
1153
01:04:50,538 --> 01:04:52,192
- Hey, Cooper.
- Hmm?
1154
01:04:54,760 --> 01:04:56,980
You are making
some serious progress.
1155
01:04:57,154 --> 01:04:59,460
I really think you're gonna be
a good resource for Brian.
1156
01:04:59,634 --> 01:05:01,201
Thank you. I hope so.
1157
01:05:01,375 --> 01:05:03,508
And I think that you're ready
for a new exposure,
1158
01:05:03,682 --> 01:05:05,031
but I wanna do it here,
1159
01:05:05,205 --> 01:05:06,598
like a one-on-one,
more clinical setting.
1160
01:05:06,772 --> 01:05:08,469
Okay. What is it?
1161
01:05:08,643 --> 01:05:11,168
I think you should talk
to Emily about it first.
1162
01:05:11,342 --> 01:05:13,213
- Okay. Sure.
- Yeah.
1163
01:05:13,387 --> 01:05:14,780
It's hard for me to feel clear
1164
01:05:14,954 --> 01:05:16,477
- about anything right now.
- Mm.
1165
01:05:18,305 --> 01:05:21,874
I'm just getting a handle
on my mental health and...
1166
01:05:23,615 --> 01:05:25,095
Steve's fucking dying.
1167
01:05:25,269 --> 01:05:26,966
I know.
I keep thinking about that.
1168
01:05:27,140 --> 01:05:31,449
Like, the whole "carrying life
while preparing for death."
1169
01:05:33,451 --> 01:05:37,455
But outside of that, it seems
like we're leaning towards "no"?
1170
01:05:37,629 --> 01:05:39,674
Logistically,
it would obviously be better
1171
01:05:39,848 --> 01:05:41,285
down the line.
1172
01:05:41,459 --> 01:05:43,069
But is that what you want?
1173
01:05:44,723 --> 01:05:47,508
You know, I'm not ready either.
1174
01:05:48,945 --> 01:05:50,250
That's not what I said.
1175
01:05:50,424 --> 01:05:52,209
I know, but you're
not saying the opposite.
1176
01:05:53,906 --> 01:05:55,864
Now it sounds
like you wanna keep it?
1177
01:05:56,039 --> 01:05:57,736
No, I--
1178
01:05:57,910 --> 01:06:00,695
I don't know. I don't know.
I don't fucking know, I--
1179
01:06:00,869 --> 01:06:04,699
I told you, I support you
whichever way we go.
1180
01:06:04,873 --> 01:06:08,399
I love you. We're not young,
but we're not old.
1181
01:06:10,009 --> 01:06:12,098
We can do whatever we want.
We can...
1182
01:06:12,272 --> 01:06:14,187
We can freeze eggs.
We can adopt.
1183
01:06:14,361 --> 01:06:15,754
We can...
1184
01:06:15,928 --> 01:06:17,103
get pregnant again.
1185
01:06:18,626 --> 01:06:20,106
We've talked about
all these things.
1186
01:06:20,280 --> 01:06:21,238
Yeah.
1187
01:06:23,588 --> 01:06:25,024
You're right.
1188
01:06:25,198 --> 01:06:28,462
No. You're right.
We should wait. We should...
1189
01:06:28,636 --> 01:06:31,422
We should get through all
your mental health stuff and--
1190
01:06:31,596 --> 01:06:34,729
And Steve and all of the grief.
And then...
1191
01:06:34,903 --> 01:06:37,254
And then we should reset.
1192
01:06:37,428 --> 01:06:41,693
You know, we should travel
and plan our wedding and...
1193
01:06:41,867 --> 01:06:43,869
And do it on our own terms.
1194
01:06:46,524 --> 01:06:47,786
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1195
01:06:48,700 --> 01:06:49,744
Yeah.
1196
01:06:53,705 --> 01:06:54,706
Okay.
1197
01:07:07,632 --> 01:07:08,807
[SIGHS]
1198
01:07:26,825 --> 01:07:28,348
Hey, dinner's almost ready.
1199
01:07:28,522 --> 01:07:29,915
- No rush.
- Thanks.
1200
01:07:32,613 --> 01:07:34,963
Wow, this the new series?
1201
01:07:35,138 --> 01:07:37,879
[JANICE]
Yeah. I just went up to Matador.
1202
01:07:39,055 --> 01:07:40,273
I thought it might help
1203
01:07:40,447 --> 01:07:42,014
to put my head
back into work.
1204
01:07:42,188 --> 01:07:44,364
Wow, these are...
1205
01:07:44,538 --> 01:07:47,498
amazing, J. Seriously.
There's something so...
1206
01:07:51,502 --> 01:07:52,851
otherworldly about them.
1207
01:07:53,025 --> 01:07:55,593
Yeah. Thanks.
1208
01:07:57,812 --> 01:08:00,467
- Oh. Oh, okay.
- Mm-hm.
1209
01:08:02,513 --> 01:08:03,992
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
1210
01:08:09,650 --> 01:08:10,782
How are you?
1211
01:08:12,218 --> 01:08:13,654
Em told me
1212
01:08:13,828 --> 01:08:15,352
he's not responding
to the chemo very well.
1213
01:08:15,526 --> 01:08:18,094
I've made my peace with it
best I can.
1214
01:08:19,443 --> 01:08:21,314
I tell you what, though,
1215
01:08:21,488 --> 01:08:25,536
managing other people's emotions
is exhausting.
1216
01:08:25,710 --> 01:08:27,581
Fuckin' A.
1217
01:08:27,755 --> 01:08:29,670
- [LAUGHS]
- Thank you.
1218
01:08:29,844 --> 01:08:31,368
[BOTH LAUGH]
1219
01:08:33,674 --> 01:08:36,503
I know you've been
going through a lot.
1220
01:08:38,201 --> 01:08:40,116
But I appreciate everything.
1221
01:08:42,248 --> 01:08:43,510
Of course.
1222
01:08:45,686 --> 01:08:48,472
Em told me
what you guys decided.
1223
01:08:51,605 --> 01:08:53,041
Are you okay?
1224
01:09:01,528 --> 01:09:03,313
I think so.
1225
01:09:03,487 --> 01:09:05,924
[INHALES DEEPLY]
1226
01:09:06,098 --> 01:09:07,839
That's about as far
as I ever get.
1227
01:09:11,103 --> 01:09:13,627
[♪]
1228
01:09:13,801 --> 01:09:15,890
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
1229
01:09:56,279 --> 01:09:57,715
[BRANDON COUGHING]
1230
01:10:03,416 --> 01:10:05,462
[SIGHS]
Okay.
1231
01:10:05,636 --> 01:10:10,031
Both of you find a rock,
like one the size of a baseball.
1232
01:10:10,206 --> 01:10:12,033
- Why?
- Just fucking do it.
1233
01:10:12,208 --> 01:10:13,861
- Who made you counselor?
- You're always
1234
01:10:14,035 --> 01:10:15,994
challenging everything.
It's fucking exhausting.
1235
01:10:16,168 --> 01:10:17,561
[COOPER]
Okay. Okay.
1236
01:10:17,735 --> 01:10:20,738
Enough. Just trust me
for a second, okay?
1237
01:10:31,923 --> 01:10:33,620
Write whatever you want.
1238
01:10:36,884 --> 01:10:38,712
Gonna play along?
1239
01:10:38,886 --> 01:10:40,671
All right. I want you
to charge this rock
1240
01:10:40,845 --> 01:10:42,586
with all the negativity...
1241
01:10:44,152 --> 01:10:45,328
all the pain...
1242
01:10:47,068 --> 01:10:48,635
shame...
1243
01:10:48,809 --> 01:10:49,984
guilt.
1244
01:10:51,986 --> 01:10:54,815
I know it sounds like some
wack-ass shit, Brandon. Just...
1245
01:10:57,427 --> 01:10:58,602
bear with me.
1246
01:11:01,518 --> 01:11:03,128
And then you're just gonna...
1247
01:11:04,608 --> 01:11:06,262
Fuck cancer!
1248
01:11:14,748 --> 01:11:16,315
Fuck heroin!
1249
01:11:25,672 --> 01:11:27,544
Y'all is corny as fuck.
1250
01:11:35,813 --> 01:11:38,642
- [MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]
- Fuck this ratchet-ass shit.
1251
01:11:38,816 --> 01:11:40,296
Let me play something.
1252
01:11:40,470 --> 01:11:42,472
No one wants to hear
your country shit.
1253
01:11:42,646 --> 01:11:43,995
- You think that's better?
- Yeah.
1254
01:11:44,169 --> 01:11:45,736
- That's better than this?
- Yeah.
1255
01:11:45,910 --> 01:11:48,129
- This is so good.
- Who you even listening to?
1256
01:11:48,304 --> 01:11:51,785
[BRENDA]
Your mom. I'm listening to
your mom. Your mom's new album.
1257
01:11:51,959 --> 01:11:53,134
Everything cool?
1258
01:11:54,875 --> 01:11:57,356
I don't think so.
I have to call Emily.
1259
01:11:57,530 --> 01:11:58,923
- Can you hold it down?
- Yeah.
1260
01:11:59,097 --> 01:12:01,491
I'm so sorry, dude.
I--I'll explain to you.
1261
01:12:01,665 --> 01:12:04,145
I'll explain it later, dude.
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
1262
01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:05,973
[BRANDON]
At least I got a mom.
1263
01:12:06,147 --> 01:12:07,148
[BRANDON LAUGHS]
1264
01:12:07,323 --> 01:12:08,367
Hey.
1265
01:12:09,803 --> 01:12:11,239
I'm gonna lead you back.
1266
01:12:11,414 --> 01:12:13,938
[♪]
1267
01:12:18,508 --> 01:12:23,774
♪ Hope
Is the strangest of words ♪
1268
01:12:26,864 --> 01:12:31,869
♪ I choose
to keep the faith I deserve ♪
1269
01:12:33,653 --> 01:12:36,613
♪ The rest is absurd ♪
1270
01:12:43,271 --> 01:12:48,407
♪ When the thunder
Crashes down ♪
1271
01:12:51,410 --> 01:12:57,808
♪ I will take solace
In the sound ♪
1272
01:12:57,982 --> 01:13:00,419
♪ Because serenity
I have found ♪
1273
01:13:07,470 --> 01:13:09,646
♪ The angels in the attic ♪
1274
01:13:09,820 --> 01:13:13,563
♪ Are breaking my habits
In half ♪
1275
01:13:13,737 --> 01:13:17,305
♪ I'm living this life
Like it's my last ♪
1276
01:13:19,482 --> 01:13:24,574
♪ In a shade
That is brighter than black ♪
1277
01:13:27,664 --> 01:13:33,104
♪ In a shade
That is brighter than black ♪
1278
01:13:35,802 --> 01:13:41,417
♪ In a shade
That is brighter than black ♪
1279
01:13:43,941 --> 01:13:49,468
♪ In a shade
That is brighter than black ♪
1280
01:14:25,156 --> 01:14:28,159
- Thanks for coming.
- Of course.
1281
01:14:28,333 --> 01:14:30,074
Well, in my experience,
1282
01:14:30,248 --> 01:14:32,163
it hasn't always been
"of course."
1283
01:14:32,337 --> 01:14:34,470
This kind of treatment
is often misunderstood.
1284
01:14:36,123 --> 01:14:39,475
Well, I... I just wanna help
in any way I can.
1285
01:14:43,217 --> 01:14:44,871
So are you ready to try it?
1286
01:14:46,046 --> 01:14:46,873
Mm-hm.
1287
01:14:47,047 --> 01:14:48,222
Okay.
1288
01:14:56,883 --> 01:14:58,929
First thing.
Cooper, pick up the knife.
1289
01:15:02,454 --> 01:15:03,629
[WHISPERS]
Okay.
1290
01:15:09,417 --> 01:15:11,898
How does that feel,
sitting next to Emily with it?
1291
01:15:14,553 --> 01:15:16,424
- I feel fine.
- Great.
1292
01:15:16,599 --> 01:15:19,515
Now turn your chairs
so they're facing each other.
1293
01:15:25,695 --> 01:15:26,696
[SIGHS]
1294
01:15:28,175 --> 01:15:30,003
Okay. Point the knife at her.
1295
01:15:40,884 --> 01:15:42,233
How does that feel?
1296
01:15:46,106 --> 01:15:47,238
I'm okay.
1297
01:15:49,457 --> 01:15:51,459
Now take her left hand,
palm up.
1298
01:15:54,680 --> 01:15:56,639
You're gonna place the knife
on her wrist
1299
01:15:56,813 --> 01:15:58,466
so that the serrated edge is up.
1300
01:16:02,906 --> 01:16:05,212
Hey. I'm fine. Go ahead.
1301
01:16:08,564 --> 01:16:09,739
[EXHALES SLOWLY]
1302
01:16:14,091 --> 01:16:15,527
[NORA]
Okay.
1303
01:16:15,701 --> 01:16:17,964
Sit here for a second
in the anxiety.
1304
01:16:18,138 --> 01:16:21,707
Don't let yourself engage
in any mental rituals.
1305
01:16:21,881 --> 01:16:22,969
[EMILY]
I'm okay.
1306
01:16:24,318 --> 01:16:25,972
Now, both of you stand up.
1307
01:16:31,238 --> 01:16:33,327
Cooper, hold the knife...
1308
01:16:33,501 --> 01:16:36,679
against her wrist
with the sharp end down.
1309
01:16:38,985 --> 01:16:40,204
[EXHALES SHARPLY] Okay.
1310
01:16:40,378 --> 01:16:41,684
[NORA]
It's totally okay, Cooper.
1311
01:16:41,858 --> 01:16:43,555
- Mm-hm.
- We're gauging this as we go.
1312
01:16:43,990 --> 01:16:45,557
We won't take it any further
than you're capable of.
1313
01:16:45,731 --> 01:16:48,255
No, no, no.
I just--I--I need--
1314
01:16:48,429 --> 01:16:50,954
I need--I need a moment.
I'm okay. I, uh...
1315
01:16:51,389 --> 01:16:54,479
I'm nervous, but I...
I can still handle it.
1316
01:16:58,701 --> 01:17:01,660
Now say,
"I might cut you, Emily."
1317
01:17:10,495 --> 01:17:11,627
[CLEARS THROAT]
1318
01:17:13,759 --> 01:17:14,630
[CLEARS THROAT]
1319
01:17:14,804 --> 01:17:15,979
I might cut you, Emily.
1320
01:17:16,632 --> 01:17:18,068
[NORA]
That's amazing, Cooper.
1321
01:17:18,416 --> 01:17:20,505
- Emily, you all right?
- Uh-huh.
1322
01:17:21,245 --> 01:17:23,116
- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.
1323
01:17:23,290 --> 01:17:24,857
[NORA]
All right. Last one.
1324
01:17:25,031 --> 01:17:27,338
Cooper, hold the knife
up to Emily's neck.
1325
01:17:28,731 --> 01:17:30,341
- What?
- If you're not ready,
1326
01:17:30,515 --> 01:17:34,519
it's completely 100% okay,
but I think that you are.
1327
01:17:36,564 --> 01:17:39,219
I wouldn't have you doing this
if I thought otherwise.
1328
01:17:41,004 --> 01:17:41,961
Mmm...
1329
01:17:43,789 --> 01:17:46,052
I, um--I just need a minute.
I need a minute.
1330
01:17:46,226 --> 01:17:48,838
- Take all the time you need.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
1331
01:17:49,012 --> 01:17:51,536
And again, it's okay
if you don't feel ready.
1332
01:17:51,710 --> 01:17:54,147
Your progress today
has been incredible.
1333
01:17:56,106 --> 01:17:58,978
Okay, let's do it.
Let's go, let's go. Um...
1334
01:18:02,634 --> 01:18:04,767
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
1335
01:18:07,900 --> 01:18:09,467
- You ready?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1336
01:18:09,641 --> 01:18:10,686
Okay.
1337
01:18:13,166 --> 01:18:15,342
[EXHALES SHARPLY, CLEARS THROAT]
1338
01:18:19,085 --> 01:18:20,826
- No compulsions.
- Mm-hm, mm-hm.
1339
01:18:21,000 --> 01:18:22,785
Just let the anxiety be there.
1340
01:18:22,959 --> 01:18:26,832
Now say,
"Emily, I'm gonna cut you,
1341
01:18:27,006 --> 01:18:29,487
and you're gonna bleed out
and die."
1342
01:18:33,186 --> 01:18:34,710
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Oh, fuck.
1343
01:18:36,146 --> 01:18:38,322
I'm gonna cut you, Emily.
And, uh...
1344
01:18:40,193 --> 01:18:41,673
[INHALES DEEPLY]
1345
01:18:45,111 --> 01:18:47,592
- Fuck.
- I'm so proud of you. You can--
1346
01:18:47,766 --> 01:18:50,160
- No reassurances.
- Oh, sor--Okay.
1347
01:18:55,556 --> 01:18:57,036
[SNIFFLING]
1348
01:19:00,126 --> 01:19:02,781
Emily, I'm gonna cut you.
You're gonna bleed out and die.
1349
01:19:09,919 --> 01:19:11,616
I'm sorry.
1350
01:19:11,790 --> 01:19:13,313
- You're safe.
- [CRYING]
1351
01:19:14,488 --> 01:19:15,446
Fuck!
1352
01:19:15,620 --> 01:19:17,143
That took profound bravery.
1353
01:19:17,317 --> 01:19:18,797
- [EXHALES DEEPLY]
- Okay.
1354
01:19:22,235 --> 01:19:25,412
I'm so embarrassed.
I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed.
1355
01:19:25,586 --> 01:19:28,676
It's okay. It's all okay.
It's okay.
1356
01:19:30,896 --> 01:19:32,942
I really appreciate
you doing this. I'm sorry.
1357
01:19:33,116 --> 01:19:35,118
- It's okay. It's okay.
- Fuck.
1358
01:19:35,292 --> 01:19:37,163
It's okay. I've got you.
1359
01:19:39,078 --> 01:19:40,906
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1360
01:19:41,080 --> 01:19:42,734
- It's okay. It's okay.
- Fuck.
1361
01:19:42,908 --> 01:19:45,041
It's okay. You're okay.
1362
01:19:45,215 --> 01:19:46,216
You're okay.
1363
01:19:47,391 --> 01:19:48,522
You're okay.
1364
01:19:52,135 --> 01:19:53,789
[BOTH SIGH DEEPLY]
1365
01:19:59,707 --> 01:20:02,275
- Hey.
- Hey.
1366
01:20:02,449 --> 01:20:06,540
Thanks for doing that.
I know that was pretty weird.
1367
01:20:06,714 --> 01:20:10,066
I mean, yeah.
Yeah, a little, but I get it.
1368
01:20:11,632 --> 01:20:12,808
I'm proud of you.
1369
01:20:13,852 --> 01:20:14,810
Thanks.
1370
01:20:18,988 --> 01:20:20,032
[CLEARS THROAT]
1371
01:20:24,210 --> 01:20:25,646
Sorry, how long do you think
1372
01:20:25,821 --> 01:20:27,779
until, uh, we can laugh
about this?
1373
01:20:27,953 --> 01:20:29,825
[BOTH LAUGH]
1374
01:20:29,999 --> 01:20:31,087
Sorry.
1375
01:20:35,047 --> 01:20:37,441
Ahem, sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry.
No, I'm not, I'm not.
1376
01:20:37,615 --> 01:20:39,922
I'm sorry. I'm not
trying to minimize it.
1377
01:20:40,096 --> 01:20:41,227
Everything that you just did
1378
01:20:41,401 --> 01:20:43,055
was so beautiful
and so vulnerable.
1379
01:20:43,229 --> 01:20:45,710
And I'm so sorry.
1380
01:20:45,884 --> 01:20:47,799
- Dude.
- I'm sorry.
1381
01:20:47,973 --> 01:20:49,366
[LAUGHING]
1382
01:20:51,020 --> 01:20:53,674
Okay. Okay. Okay.
1383
01:20:53,849 --> 01:20:55,198
[CLEARS THROAT]
1384
01:20:55,372 --> 01:20:57,417
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
1385
01:20:57,591 --> 01:21:02,596
Hey. I'm really--
I'm really proud of you. Okay?
1386
01:21:02,770 --> 01:21:03,946
- Yeah. Thanks.
- [LAUGHING]
1387
01:21:04,120 --> 01:21:06,122
I really am. Come here.
1388
01:21:09,734 --> 01:21:11,518
- Oh!
- [SIGHS]
1389
01:21:13,303 --> 01:21:15,305
- All right.
- Mm-hm.
1390
01:21:15,479 --> 01:21:16,436
[RACHEL SIGHS]
1391
01:21:18,308 --> 01:21:19,526
Here we go.
1392
01:21:19,700 --> 01:21:21,746
You got this.
We went over everything.
1393
01:21:27,578 --> 01:21:30,233
- [LAUGHS]
- Yeah, dude. Yes!
1394
01:21:30,407 --> 01:21:32,452
- So that's it?
- Yeah.
1395
01:21:32,626 --> 01:21:34,933
He signed the contract
with the therapy team.
1396
01:21:35,107 --> 01:21:36,717
He's fully aware.
1397
01:21:36,892 --> 01:21:39,459
No more bullshit
or he gets sent back to County.
1398
01:21:39,633 --> 01:21:41,722
Good. That's what he needs.
1399
01:21:41,897 --> 01:21:43,768
Scrubbing floors
and Big Book meetings.
1400
01:21:43,942 --> 01:21:46,379
This holistic approach
isn't working for him.
1401
01:21:46,553 --> 01:21:48,338
[COOPER]
Well, all right then.
1402
01:21:48,512 --> 01:21:51,036
Guy's a lost cause anyway.
Let's protect our energy.
1403
01:21:51,210 --> 01:21:52,646
- For sure.
- Mm-hm.
1404
01:22:02,091 --> 01:22:03,701
[NURSE]
Emily Mansfield.
1405
01:22:06,399 --> 01:22:08,445
So both options
are equally effective.
1406
01:22:08,619 --> 01:22:10,142
It's just
a matter of preference.
1407
01:22:10,316 --> 01:22:12,144
But if we put her under,
we have to come back.
1408
01:22:12,318 --> 01:22:13,363
That's right.
1409
01:22:14,712 --> 01:22:15,800
Okay.
1410
01:22:17,410 --> 01:22:20,283
Do you mind giving us
a minute to decide?
1411
01:22:20,457 --> 01:22:21,588
No, not at all.
1412
01:22:21,762 --> 01:22:23,460
I don't need a minute.
1413
01:22:23,634 --> 01:22:25,766
I don't want
to come back again, so...
1414
01:22:27,159 --> 01:22:28,595
[COOPER]
Are you sure?
1415
01:22:28,769 --> 01:22:30,467
I think we should
take a minute to process this.
1416
01:22:30,641 --> 01:22:32,730
No, I just said
I don't need a minute.
1417
01:22:32,904 --> 01:22:34,297
You just heard her.
1418
01:22:34,471 --> 01:22:36,168
You know, let's do it.
1419
01:22:36,342 --> 01:22:38,866
I don't wanna wonder
if we didn't finish the job.
1420
01:22:42,131 --> 01:22:43,654
Okay.
1421
01:22:43,828 --> 01:22:46,352
- Local anesthesia it is.
- Okay.
1422
01:22:46,526 --> 01:22:48,224
- Yeah.
- I'll be back in 15 minutes.
1423
01:22:48,398 --> 01:22:49,616
Thank you.
1424
01:22:53,316 --> 01:22:54,230
You sure?
Yeah.
1425
01:22:54,404 --> 01:22:55,492
Yeah?
Yeah.
1426
01:22:55,666 --> 01:22:56,623
You don't have to do it.
1427
01:22:56,797 --> 01:22:58,147
No, I know. I'm okay.
1428
01:23:04,066 --> 01:23:05,458
Oh, thanks.
1429
01:23:10,246 --> 01:23:12,944
Okay, can you distract me?
Can you, like, just--?
1430
01:23:13,118 --> 01:23:14,119
Can you just talk?
1431
01:23:15,338 --> 01:23:17,688
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah?
1432
01:23:17,862 --> 01:23:18,819
- Um...
- Just talk.
1433
01:23:18,994 --> 01:23:20,473
About what?
1434
01:23:20,647 --> 01:23:21,735
Um...
1435
01:23:23,476 --> 01:23:25,043
What's your favorite day
1436
01:23:25,217 --> 01:23:27,350
in our relationship,
do you think?
1437
01:23:27,524 --> 01:23:29,178
- Ever?
- Ever. Yeah.
1438
01:23:30,570 --> 01:23:31,702
Come on.
1439
01:23:33,051 --> 01:23:35,097
- Um...
- [LAUGHS]
1440
01:23:35,271 --> 01:23:36,402
Come on.
1441
01:23:38,752 --> 01:23:39,971
Probably...
1442
01:23:41,886 --> 01:23:43,496
Remember when
we were in Serbia?
1443
01:23:43,670 --> 01:23:44,584
Yeah.
1444
01:23:45,977 --> 01:23:47,718
And we went wine tasting?
1445
01:23:47,892 --> 01:23:48,806
Yeah.
1446
01:23:48,980 --> 01:23:50,199
- Remember? Yeah?
- Yeah.
1447
01:23:50,373 --> 01:23:52,288
- And we--It started raining.
- Yes.
1448
01:23:52,462 --> 01:23:54,159
[LAUGHS]
1449
01:23:54,333 --> 01:23:58,946
And we went and we made love
in that castle in Novi Sad.
1450
01:23:59,121 --> 01:24:00,426
- Yeah, we did.
- Yeah, we did.
1451
01:24:00,600 --> 01:24:01,862
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1452
01:24:04,126 --> 01:24:06,867
- What about you?
- I don't know.
1453
01:24:07,042 --> 01:24:10,828
I don't have a specific day
that pops into mind. I just...
1454
01:24:12,917 --> 01:24:16,051
I don't know. I think all
the little moments, you know.
1455
01:24:16,225 --> 01:24:17,443
Me too.
1456
01:24:17,617 --> 01:24:19,837
- Sorry.
- Don't be sorry.
1457
01:24:20,011 --> 01:24:21,491
- [KNOCKS ON DOOR]
- Are you ready?
1458
01:24:21,665 --> 01:24:22,796
Mm-hm.
1459
01:24:22,970 --> 01:24:24,668
Yeah. Yeah, right?
1460
01:24:26,061 --> 01:24:26,974
- Okay.
- Okay.
1461
01:24:27,149 --> 01:24:29,542
- Yep. Like this?
- Mm-hm.
1462
01:24:29,716 --> 01:24:31,109
- Okay.
- You're doing great.
1463
01:24:32,719 --> 01:24:34,069
- Okay.
- Now just...
1464
01:24:34,243 --> 01:24:37,115
You're doing great.
It's gonna be okay.
1465
01:24:37,289 --> 01:24:39,248
- You're doing great.
- Great.
1466
01:24:43,948 --> 01:24:45,080
Mm-hm.
1467
01:24:46,603 --> 01:24:47,473
[SNIFFLES]
1468
01:24:47,647 --> 01:24:48,735
Mm-hm.
1469
01:24:51,086 --> 01:24:52,174
I'm okay.
1470
01:24:55,525 --> 01:24:57,527
- You're okay, babe. I know.
- Mm-hm.
1471
01:25:08,233 --> 01:25:10,105
I'll be back.
I'm gonna pick up dinner.
1472
01:25:11,671 --> 01:25:13,630
Okay.
1473
01:25:13,804 --> 01:25:15,849
Text me. Let me know
if you need anything.
1474
01:25:33,476 --> 01:25:35,652
[YELLING]
1475
01:25:38,698 --> 01:25:42,528
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
1476
01:25:42,702 --> 01:25:44,139
Fuck! Fuck!
1477
01:25:53,713 --> 01:25:56,586
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
1478
01:26:01,156 --> 01:26:03,941
Oh, fuck. Oh, God.
1479
01:26:15,257 --> 01:26:16,693
I'm gonna go to bed.
1480
01:26:18,608 --> 01:26:19,565
Okay.
1481
01:26:25,397 --> 01:26:28,748
Oh, honey. What did you expect?
1482
01:26:35,929 --> 01:26:37,757
[PEN TAPPING]
1483
01:26:40,891 --> 01:26:42,153
Is he coming?
1484
01:26:53,817 --> 01:26:55,949
[BRANDON SIGHS]
1485
01:26:56,123 --> 01:26:56,950
[SNIFFS]
1486
01:26:57,124 --> 01:26:58,387
Here I am, Coop.
1487
01:27:00,084 --> 01:27:01,738
What's on the docket today?
1488
01:27:01,912 --> 01:27:04,219
Want us to write about
our fucked-up childhoods?
1489
01:27:05,611 --> 01:27:06,873
Where's your notebook?
1490
01:27:08,179 --> 01:27:09,441
I lost it.
1491
01:27:23,977 --> 01:27:26,415
The prompt is: if you could give
your past self advice,
1492
01:27:26,589 --> 01:27:28,155
what would you say?
1493
01:27:29,766 --> 01:27:31,463
Brandon,
unfortunately that means
1494
01:27:31,637 --> 01:27:34,118
you've had to have learned
something before, so...
1495
01:27:38,862 --> 01:27:41,908
I learned that you think
you're a fucking fashion guru,
1496
01:27:42,082 --> 01:27:43,736
but you ain't shit
but a junkie.
1497
01:27:43,910 --> 01:27:45,738
[COOPER]
All right.
1498
01:27:45,912 --> 01:27:49,612
That's enough. I don't want to
hear another word from anyone.
1499
01:27:51,483 --> 01:27:53,398
The only sound should be
the sound of pens
1500
01:27:53,572 --> 01:27:54,617
scribbling on paper.
1501
01:27:55,966 --> 01:27:57,359
I didn't start anything.
1502
01:27:57,533 --> 01:27:59,143
- It doesn't matter.
- The hell it doesn't.
1503
01:27:59,317 --> 01:28:01,276
Take it up
with your therapist.
1504
01:28:03,321 --> 01:28:04,453
Whatever.
1505
01:28:06,498 --> 01:28:07,543
[VAPE THUMPS ON TABLE]
1506
01:28:14,376 --> 01:28:15,812
Put your phone away.
1507
01:28:21,557 --> 01:28:22,514
Brandon.
1508
01:28:32,350 --> 01:28:33,264
[LAUGHS]
1509
01:28:33,438 --> 01:28:34,526
Brandon.
1510
01:28:42,055 --> 01:28:44,144
- Give me my fucking phone back!
- No phones in group.
1511
01:28:44,319 --> 01:28:46,277
- That ain't yours!
- Get it back after group.
1512
01:28:46,451 --> 01:28:49,367
Yeah, well, fuck
your bitch-ass group!
1513
01:28:49,541 --> 01:28:51,674
Y'all fucked up now!
1514
01:29:03,076 --> 01:29:04,643
I'm really sorry, Coop.
1515
01:29:12,782 --> 01:29:13,913
[SCREAMS]
1516
01:29:14,087 --> 01:29:17,003
Fuck this goddamn bullshit!
1517
01:29:24,054 --> 01:29:26,273
Flip one more piece of furniture
and you're out of here.
1518
01:29:26,448 --> 01:29:29,015
- You've already been warned.
- I don't give a shit anymore!
1519
01:29:29,189 --> 01:29:30,669
You never gave a shit
in the first place!
1520
01:29:30,843 --> 01:29:32,018
You motherfucker!
1521
01:29:32,192 --> 01:29:33,455
Tell me I'm wrong.
1522
01:29:34,847 --> 01:29:36,240
You don't get it.
1523
01:29:36,414 --> 01:29:39,112
You're not sober.
I don't want to talk to you.
1524
01:29:39,286 --> 01:29:41,941
- It's just me here.
- Then fuck off!
1525
01:29:42,115 --> 01:29:44,814
You signed the agreement.
1526
01:29:44,988 --> 01:29:47,425
If you don't come back
and join the group,
1527
01:29:47,599 --> 01:29:49,209
you're going back to jail.
1528
01:29:49,384 --> 01:29:52,343
Man, you on some shit
I ain't even ever seen before.
1529
01:29:52,517 --> 01:29:54,345
You got me all fucked up!
1530
01:29:54,519 --> 01:29:56,608
Back up. I'm gonna lock myself
in the office
1531
01:29:56,782 --> 01:29:59,916
- and call the police.
- [CRYING, SNIFFLING]
1532
01:30:00,090 --> 01:30:01,961
I got two little girls, man.
1533
01:30:02,135 --> 01:30:04,486
I know you do.
I'd like to help you if I can.
1534
01:30:04,660 --> 01:30:07,793
Why?
You can't help me anyway, bro.
1535
01:30:07,967 --> 01:30:11,101
What, you think having us
write in a journal or do yoga
1536
01:30:11,275 --> 01:30:13,016
is going to do anything?
1537
01:30:13,190 --> 01:30:16,715
I do. I do, yeah.
1538
01:30:16,889 --> 01:30:19,501
No. Anybody can come
to a mansion
1539
01:30:19,675 --> 01:30:22,678
and find their chi
or whatever the fuck.
1540
01:30:22,852 --> 01:30:25,550
It's just me out there, man!
1541
01:30:27,639 --> 01:30:29,032
It doesn't have to be.
1542
01:30:33,732 --> 01:30:35,691
You don't know
what it's like to be alone,
1543
01:30:35,865 --> 01:30:37,562
to feel alone and all that shit.
1544
01:30:40,870 --> 01:30:42,480
You'd be surprised.
1545
01:30:46,484 --> 01:30:48,312
You got your cool-guy vibe,
1546
01:30:48,486 --> 01:30:51,184
your fiancée,
living in Hollywood.
1547
01:30:52,925 --> 01:30:54,666
You don't know shit
about me, man.
1548
01:30:54,840 --> 01:30:56,146
Mm.
1549
01:30:56,320 --> 01:30:57,713
But you wanna give me
the sound bites
1550
01:30:57,887 --> 01:31:01,020
and the Instagram recap,
go ahead.
1551
01:31:01,194 --> 01:31:02,500
That's what this is, right?
1552
01:31:02,674 --> 01:31:04,415
We come here,
spill all our bullshit,
1553
01:31:04,589 --> 01:31:08,288
and you just throw us
pithy phrases like robots.
1554
01:31:08,463 --> 01:31:11,988
You have zero fucking clue
1555
01:31:12,162 --> 01:31:15,078
what it's like to have
to trick yourself every day
1556
01:31:15,252 --> 01:31:18,385
into actually thinking
you can fix yourself!
1557
01:31:25,567 --> 01:31:26,829
[CLEARS THROAT]
1558
01:31:29,745 --> 01:31:30,920
Sit down.
1559
01:31:33,052 --> 01:31:37,056
You wanna hear my shit?
Sit down. I'll tell you.
1560
01:31:50,853 --> 01:31:51,723
[CLEARS THROAT]
1561
01:31:57,990 --> 01:31:59,775
Been suicidal
for the last year.
1562
01:32:03,518 --> 01:32:04,693
Thought I was.
1563
01:32:07,304 --> 01:32:09,872
I had lost control of my mind.
1564
01:32:10,046 --> 01:32:12,396
Thought I was headed
for an insane asylum.
1565
01:32:14,659 --> 01:32:16,705
Turns out I have clinical OCD.
1566
01:32:18,576 --> 01:32:19,925
Now I just walk around
1567
01:32:20,099 --> 01:32:22,058
with the obsession
that I might go crazy
1568
01:32:22,232 --> 01:32:25,278
and slit my fiancée's throat
and then commit suicide.
1569
01:32:27,672 --> 01:32:30,196
I've also become obsessed
that I have terminal cancer.
1570
01:32:34,331 --> 01:32:38,117
This experience has completely
destroyed my self-esteem.
1571
01:32:40,990 --> 01:32:43,645
And I think that I'm a total
failure of a human being.
1572
01:32:48,084 --> 01:32:50,303
And I oscillate...
1573
01:32:50,477 --> 01:32:51,957
between all those thoughts
1574
01:32:52,131 --> 01:32:55,004
about once every 15 seconds
of my waking life.
1575
01:32:57,267 --> 01:33:00,052
Top of that, my future
father-in-law just died.
1576
01:33:00,226 --> 01:33:01,184
Lung cancer.
1577
01:33:02,577 --> 01:33:04,317
Then my fiancée got pregnant.
1578
01:33:06,537 --> 01:33:07,930
Decided to have an abortion.
1579
01:33:10,454 --> 01:33:11,716
Now she regrets it.
1580
01:33:14,327 --> 01:33:15,720
I can see that she's...
1581
01:33:17,940 --> 01:33:19,419
She's totally broken.
1582
01:33:24,033 --> 01:33:25,251
And here I am...
1583
01:33:27,645 --> 01:33:28,994
talking with you.
1584
01:33:32,432 --> 01:33:34,086
Giving a fuck about you.
1585
01:33:37,568 --> 01:33:40,876
Exactly because you have
those two little girls at home
1586
01:33:41,050 --> 01:33:42,617
who need more than anything
1587
01:33:42,791 --> 01:33:45,837
for their father to take
responsibility for his life...
1588
01:33:47,839 --> 01:33:49,101
for his disease.
1589
01:33:51,277 --> 01:33:54,150
And outside of them,
because you deserve it, Brandon.
1590
01:33:54,324 --> 01:33:55,412
Life's been shitty.
1591
01:33:57,153 --> 01:33:59,982
And here's a newsflash.
It's gonna keep on being shitty.
1592
01:34:02,898 --> 01:34:06,031
And you're right. It is just you
out there, like it's just me.
1593
01:34:08,773 --> 01:34:11,123
But it takes this.
1594
01:34:11,297 --> 01:34:14,866
Man, it takes this
to help us figure our shit out
1595
01:34:15,040 --> 01:34:16,999
and to remember
that life can also be
1596
01:34:17,173 --> 01:34:19,436
pretty fucking incredible
sometimes.
1597
01:34:19,610 --> 01:34:22,352
Love yourself, bro.
Nobody else can do that.
1598
01:34:23,614 --> 01:34:25,050
And either show up here
1599
01:34:25,224 --> 01:34:27,749
and do the work
and stop blaming everybody else,
1600
01:34:27,923 --> 01:34:29,925
or give this bed to somebody
who gives a fuck,
1601
01:34:30,099 --> 01:34:32,144
because me and Tess
and Slater and Duke
1602
01:34:32,318 --> 01:34:34,277
will give you everything
that we got.
1603
01:34:36,845 --> 01:34:39,804
But you've gotta want it, man.
You gotta want it.
1604
01:34:39,978 --> 01:34:41,197
More than anything.
1605
01:34:41,371 --> 01:34:43,460
I do want it.
I want it so badly.
1606
01:34:43,634 --> 01:34:45,114
I just don't know how.
1607
01:34:45,288 --> 01:34:46,855
[SOBBING]
1608
01:34:49,422 --> 01:34:51,250
I don't know how.
1609
01:34:56,952 --> 01:34:58,605
Take a minute
to gather yourself.
1610
01:35:02,392 --> 01:35:04,220
Come back out
and join the group.
1611
01:35:12,445 --> 01:35:13,490
Coop.
1612
01:35:17,842 --> 01:35:19,322
[SNIFFLES]
1613
01:35:19,496 --> 01:35:21,672
Just think about
what you wanna write about.
1614
01:35:29,201 --> 01:35:30,420
Okay.
1615
01:35:32,944 --> 01:35:35,251
- Sorry about that, guys.
- It's okay.
1616
01:35:35,425 --> 01:35:39,908
It's all good. But it shouldn't
have happened, so I apologize.
1617
01:35:54,139 --> 01:35:55,314
Thanks, dude.
1618
01:35:59,971 --> 01:36:01,059
[SIGHS]
1619
01:36:12,636 --> 01:36:13,942
I'm just...
1620
01:36:23,212 --> 01:36:25,214
I'm really sorry about that.
1621
01:36:31,698 --> 01:36:33,135
I'm sorry too.
1622
01:36:38,357 --> 01:36:41,970
Just so you know, I don't really
think you suck at fashion.
1623
01:36:43,101 --> 01:36:44,189
[GIGGLES]
1624
01:36:45,669 --> 01:36:46,888
[RACHEL]
Thanks, dude.
1625
01:36:48,977 --> 01:36:50,065
Thank you.
1626
01:36:58,421 --> 01:37:00,597
All right. Show's over.
1627
01:37:00,771 --> 01:37:02,294
Fifteen minutes, guys.
1628
01:37:16,308 --> 01:37:18,833
[♪]
1629
01:37:32,672 --> 01:37:35,240
You don't wanna marry me?
You?! Get out of here!
1630
01:37:35,414 --> 01:37:37,982
Get out! Get away from me!
1631
01:37:38,156 --> 01:37:40,724
Chris! Get away from me!
Chris! Chris!
1632
01:37:50,429 --> 01:37:51,387
You okay?
1633
01:37:53,476 --> 01:37:54,390
Yep.
1634
01:38:00,222 --> 01:38:01,397
Okay.
1635
01:38:06,663 --> 01:38:07,794
[SNIFFLES]
1636
01:38:24,724 --> 01:38:25,900
What's up, baby?
1637
01:38:28,903 --> 01:38:29,947
Um...
1638
01:38:31,470 --> 01:38:33,298
It's not your fault.
1639
01:38:33,472 --> 01:38:34,952
And I need you to know that.
1640
01:38:37,868 --> 01:38:38,869
Huh?
1641
01:38:41,263 --> 01:38:43,134
What are we talking about
right now?
1642
01:38:45,528 --> 01:38:47,399
I feel really clear about this.
1643
01:38:51,969 --> 01:38:56,234
Wait, just--Let's--
Let's... go back for a second.
1644
01:38:56,408 --> 01:38:59,542
- Can I say what I need to say?
- Okay. Yeah.
1645
01:39:03,676 --> 01:39:07,245
Um, over the last few weeks,
I've...
1646
01:39:07,419 --> 01:39:11,249
felt my body change, and I've...
1647
01:39:11,423 --> 01:39:13,686
I felt life grow inside of me,
1648
01:39:13,860 --> 01:39:16,298
and it made me realize
that, um...
1649
01:39:19,214 --> 01:39:20,476
I don't wanna wait.
1650
01:39:22,260 --> 01:39:24,741
I don't wanna wait.
I don't wanna freeze my eggs.
1651
01:39:24,915 --> 01:39:26,917
I don't want to--
I just, I wanna, um...
1652
01:39:29,441 --> 01:39:32,270
I wanna have a baby, Cooper.
And I wanna do that soon.
1653
01:39:36,361 --> 01:39:39,321
And I can't stay with someone
who I did this with.
1654
01:39:42,802 --> 01:39:44,717
And you didn't
do anything wrong.
1655
01:39:44,891 --> 01:39:48,069
You didn't do anything wrong.
You told me...
1656
01:39:48,243 --> 01:39:51,333
how you felt, and you were clear
the whole time, and...
1657
01:39:51,507 --> 01:39:53,552
I just--I feel differently now.
1658
01:39:56,251 --> 01:39:57,165
Okay?
1659
01:40:00,081 --> 01:40:01,908
I don't--I don't understand.
1660
01:40:04,041 --> 01:40:05,608
[STAMMERS]
1661
01:40:07,871 --> 01:40:10,308
- We've gotten through so much.
- Mm-hm.
1662
01:40:11,527 --> 01:40:13,224
And now we're at the end of it.
1663
01:40:15,705 --> 01:40:17,054
I'm feeling better.
1664
01:40:24,235 --> 01:40:26,020
Don't give up. Wha--?
1665
01:40:27,630 --> 01:40:28,979
No, listen--
1666
01:40:29,153 --> 01:40:31,286
We can work--
We can work through this.
1667
01:40:31,460 --> 01:40:33,592
- I don't think we can.
- Let's just talk about it.
1668
01:40:33,766 --> 01:40:36,291
I can't. It's not about
communication, Cooper. I...
1669
01:40:36,465 --> 01:40:38,815
I have to leave.
I have to leave.
1670
01:40:38,989 --> 01:40:41,731
I've been here my whole life,
and you have to stay here.
1671
01:40:41,905 --> 01:40:44,777
It's where your dreams are,
and I understand that.
1672
01:40:44,951 --> 01:40:47,954
But I have to go.
And I've been sacrificing that.
1673
01:40:48,129 --> 01:40:50,348
But I have to go and...
1674
01:40:50,522 --> 01:40:54,004
And find something beautiful.
I just have to be free, okay?
1675
01:40:54,178 --> 01:40:58,878
So I'm gonna go and I'm gonna be
at my mom's, just so you know.
1676
01:40:59,053 --> 01:41:02,447
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Hold on for a second. Hold on.
1677
01:41:05,233 --> 01:41:07,887
Please don't do this.
Please don't do this.
1678
01:41:08,975 --> 01:41:10,368
Please don't do this.
1679
01:41:10,542 --> 01:41:11,717
Cooper, I have to.
1680
01:41:13,502 --> 01:41:16,592
- Okay, I have to go.
- Let's just talk about it.
1681
01:41:18,159 --> 01:41:20,204
Cooper. Look at me. Look at me.
1682
01:41:20,378 --> 01:41:21,640
This is the hardest decision
1683
01:41:21,814 --> 01:41:23,860
I've ever had to make
in my life, okay?
1684
01:41:26,384 --> 01:41:27,733
So I have to go.
1685
01:41:30,519 --> 01:41:33,478
- Don't go. Please don't go.
- I'll be at my mom's. Okay?
1686
01:41:34,958 --> 01:41:38,048
- Okay.
- I'll see you. I'll--
1687
01:41:39,789 --> 01:41:41,095
I'll just come there.
1688
01:41:47,057 --> 01:41:49,059
[DOOR CREAKS OPEN, CLOSES]
1689
01:42:31,754 --> 01:42:34,148
Hey, Nora. It's Cooper.
Call me as soon as you can.
1690
01:42:34,322 --> 01:42:36,585
Hi, Nora. It's Cooper.
I need you to call me back.
1691
01:42:36,759 --> 01:42:39,675
Hi, Nora. This is Cooper.
I'm trying to get ahold of you.
1692
01:42:39,849 --> 01:42:42,243
I, um, really need
to talk to somebody.
1693
01:42:42,417 --> 01:42:44,375
Hi, Nora.
Call me back as soon as you can.
1694
01:42:44,549 --> 01:42:46,421
It's an emergency, okay? Bye.
1695
01:42:48,423 --> 01:42:49,293
[SIGHS]
1696
01:43:19,802 --> 01:43:20,933
[GROANS]
1697
01:43:23,109 --> 01:43:24,198
[GROANS LOUDLY]
1698
01:43:59,842 --> 01:44:01,452
How are you doing with all that?
1699
01:44:01,626 --> 01:44:04,063
I understand how she feels.
1700
01:44:06,718 --> 01:44:09,025
And if I'm honest,
I could feel it too.
1701
01:44:09,199 --> 01:44:10,548
That's the thing, bro.
1702
01:44:10,722 --> 01:44:12,289
I mean, just because
you're doing better
1703
01:44:12,463 --> 01:44:13,856
doesn't mean she is.
1704
01:44:14,030 --> 01:44:15,945
She was probably putting off
her own needs
1705
01:44:16,119 --> 01:44:17,903
for a very long time.
1706
01:44:18,077 --> 01:44:19,557
That's what really gets me.
1707
01:44:21,124 --> 01:44:22,473
I just wasn't ready.
1708
01:44:22,647 --> 01:44:24,258
Clearly, she wasn't either.
1709
01:44:24,432 --> 01:44:27,304
That's true. Not something
to beat yourself up about.
1710
01:44:27,478 --> 01:44:29,263
She's just so shut down now.
1711
01:44:29,437 --> 01:44:32,309
Everything is like, "I'm sorry,
Cooper. I hear you, Cooper."
1712
01:44:32,483 --> 01:44:33,919
Heard my name more
in the last weeks
1713
01:44:34,093 --> 01:44:35,921
than in the eight years
we were together.
1714
01:44:36,095 --> 01:44:38,707
- So you guys are still talking?
- Just logistics at this point.
1715
01:44:38,881 --> 01:44:41,231
Um, she still has some stuff
she needs to move out,
1716
01:44:41,405 --> 01:44:44,103
then we'll break off contact.
I know it's not healthy.
1717
01:44:44,278 --> 01:44:46,236
I'm sorry, Cooper.
1718
01:44:46,410 --> 01:44:49,718
You just never get
that chance again, you know,
1719
01:44:49,892 --> 01:44:52,198
to have your first big love
make it the distance.
1720
01:44:52,373 --> 01:44:57,682
Hey, hey, hey. Key word
is "first" big love, right?
1721
01:44:57,856 --> 01:45:00,076
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1722
01:45:00,250 --> 01:45:02,121
Um...
1723
01:45:02,296 --> 01:45:03,558
Uh, in brighter news,
1724
01:45:03,732 --> 01:45:05,516
I booked a screenwriting job.
1725
01:45:05,690 --> 01:45:08,954
It's for a feature. I found out
this week. Yeah, yeah.
1726
01:45:09,128 --> 01:45:11,348
I let work know
I'm gonna take some time off.
1727
01:45:11,522 --> 01:45:13,045
I'm gonna take my laptop
and travel.
1728
01:45:13,219 --> 01:45:14,482
I just booked my tickets.
1729
01:45:14,656 --> 01:45:16,048
Three months in South America.
1730
01:45:16,222 --> 01:45:18,747
Buenos Aires, Rio.
1731
01:45:18,921 --> 01:45:22,664
- When do you take off?
- Next week.
1732
01:45:22,838 --> 01:45:24,840
Yeah. He told me last week
he was leaving.
1733
01:45:25,014 --> 01:45:26,102
[INHALES DEEPLY]
1734
01:45:26,276 --> 01:45:28,278
So this is it, guys.
1735
01:45:29,497 --> 01:45:32,717
Time to cut the cord.
1736
01:45:32,891 --> 01:45:34,763
You all have
such beautiful, open minds.
1737
01:45:34,937 --> 01:45:38,070
And I don't know where I would
be without all your support.
1738
01:45:38,244 --> 01:45:40,377
Oh, man. Right back at you, bro.
1739
01:45:46,731 --> 01:45:48,472
[CHUCKLES]
1740
01:45:48,646 --> 01:45:50,692
Ahem. Thank you.
1741
01:45:50,866 --> 01:45:52,302
I really appreciate it, Cooper.
1742
01:45:52,476 --> 01:45:53,564
[CLEARS THROAT]
1743
01:45:53,738 --> 01:45:54,609
[CHUCKLES]
1744
01:45:57,351 --> 01:45:58,395
What?
1745
01:46:01,267 --> 01:46:03,618
It was no problem.
I was on my way to the rehab.
1746
01:46:03,792 --> 01:46:07,796
Oh, congratulations on the--
On the writing job.
1747
01:46:07,970 --> 01:46:10,233
You really--
You deserve it, Cooper.
1748
01:46:10,407 --> 01:46:11,843
Yeah, thanks.
1749
01:46:12,017 --> 01:46:13,105
You too.
1750
01:46:14,498 --> 01:46:16,239
Tess told me
that you sold a song
1751
01:46:16,413 --> 01:46:17,893
to that indie band.
1752
01:46:21,157 --> 01:46:22,985
I don't want it
to be like this.
1753
01:46:23,159 --> 01:46:24,987
- Like what?
- Like awkward.
1754
01:46:25,161 --> 01:46:27,381
I didn't want--
And I don't want to fight or--
1755
01:46:27,555 --> 01:46:30,122
- Neither do I, but I--
- [SIGHS]
1756
01:46:30,296 --> 01:46:31,776
I can't just be friends.
1757
01:46:34,736 --> 01:46:35,780
Because we're not.
1758
01:46:38,696 --> 01:46:40,263
I can't live that lie.
1759
01:46:46,182 --> 01:46:47,096
What?
1760
01:46:49,228 --> 01:46:50,316
Nothing.
1761
01:46:55,278 --> 01:46:56,279
Bye, babe.
1762
01:46:59,978 --> 01:47:01,197
Bye.
1763
01:47:03,895 --> 01:47:04,766
Cooper.
1764
01:47:08,334 --> 01:47:09,945
He'd want you to have this.
1765
01:47:15,037 --> 01:47:16,081
Thanks, J.
1766
01:47:17,474 --> 01:47:18,649
Uh...
1767
01:47:18,823 --> 01:47:19,737
[CHUCKLES]
1768
01:47:21,304 --> 01:47:25,047
- Listen, I--You know?
- I know. Me too.
1769
01:47:29,399 --> 01:47:31,357
- Take care of yourself.
- I will.
1770
01:47:32,010 --> 01:47:33,011
Good.
1771
01:47:34,143 --> 01:47:35,144
Thanks for everything.
1772
01:47:35,840 --> 01:47:36,885
You too.
1773
01:47:39,409 --> 01:47:40,454
[DUKE]
There he is.
1774
01:47:40,628 --> 01:47:42,673
- Johnny Hollywood, baby.
- Whoa!
1775
01:47:42,847 --> 01:47:44,675
Hey, what can I say?
I'm a badass.
1776
01:47:44,849 --> 01:47:46,808
[TESS]
Yeah, you are. Congrats, dude.
1777
01:47:46,982 --> 01:47:48,549
Thanks, Tess.
1778
01:47:48,723 --> 01:47:50,638
[SLATER]
Off to stuff
those Brazilian babes.
1779
01:47:50,812 --> 01:47:52,553
- Oh!
- Ahh!
1780
01:47:52,727 --> 01:47:54,076
Come on.
1781
01:47:54,250 --> 01:47:56,252
I don't know
if I'm quite there yet, up here.
1782
01:47:56,426 --> 01:47:58,210
But, you know, I'll--
I don't know.
1783
01:47:58,384 --> 01:47:59,429
[LAUGHS]
1784
01:48:01,039 --> 01:48:03,259
- Oh!
- [Duke] Are you ready?
1785
01:48:03,433 --> 01:48:05,174
All the clients
are in the living room.
1786
01:48:05,348 --> 01:48:07,089
I am. That's what I'm here for.
1787
01:48:07,263 --> 01:48:10,701
Potential. That word
says everything, brother.
1788
01:48:11,659 --> 01:48:13,748
You're gonna get out
exactly what you put in.
1789
01:48:14,792 --> 01:48:16,664
You had some breakthroughs here
towards the end.
1790
01:48:17,447 --> 01:48:19,362
Got a long way to go, but I...
1791
01:48:20,406 --> 01:48:21,930
I believe in you.
1792
01:48:23,322 --> 01:48:25,499
I believe
you're gonna get there.
1793
01:48:25,673 --> 01:48:28,023
Just don't give up.
Don't ever give up.
1794
01:48:29,633 --> 01:48:31,330
And don't be
such a little asshole anymore.
1795
01:48:33,202 --> 01:48:34,290
Okay?
1796
01:48:43,734 --> 01:48:44,648
[SNIFFLES]
1797
01:48:45,736 --> 01:48:46,911
But seriously, bro.
1798
01:48:48,434 --> 01:48:50,959
We're here for you.
Reach out anytime.
1799
01:49:01,709 --> 01:49:04,450
- I don't wanna talk to you.
- Yeah, you do.
1800
01:49:09,586 --> 01:49:11,457
What am I supposed to do now?
1801
01:49:11,632 --> 01:49:13,547
Exactly what you've been doing.
1802
01:49:13,721 --> 01:49:17,246
Building good habits.
Trust yourself.
1803
01:49:17,420 --> 01:49:20,510
I can't do this alone, dude.
1804
01:49:20,684 --> 01:49:22,773
I was never
always gonna be here.
1805
01:49:22,947 --> 01:49:24,558
You know it's not like that.
1806
01:49:24,732 --> 01:49:27,778
Yeah, but I thought you'd
at least be here until I left.
1807
01:49:27,952 --> 01:49:29,475
You're stronger
than you think you are.
1808
01:49:29,650 --> 01:49:31,652
It's not about that.
1809
01:49:31,826 --> 01:49:33,567
It's about the fact
that I gave in
1810
01:49:33,741 --> 01:49:35,177
and I did what you asked,
1811
01:49:35,351 --> 01:49:37,353
and now you're leaving.
1812
01:49:37,527 --> 01:49:39,529
You can always reach out.
1813
01:49:39,703 --> 01:49:43,533
My dad's not talking to me.
All my friends are fuckups.
1814
01:49:45,796 --> 01:49:47,276
I still need you, man.
1815
01:49:53,195 --> 01:49:55,197
You're just
another fucking letdown.
1816
01:49:57,373 --> 01:49:58,330
That's not fair.
1817
01:49:58,504 --> 01:50:00,594
Fuck fair. Whatever.
1818
01:50:02,508 --> 01:50:04,554
I'm sorry. I can't do this.
1819
01:50:21,615 --> 01:50:23,138
Left my spare key
in the desk drawer
1820
01:50:23,312 --> 01:50:24,835
- if you need to move it.
- Cool.
1821
01:50:25,009 --> 01:50:27,316
Um, this is for Rachel.
1822
01:50:27,490 --> 01:50:29,187
I knew she wasn't gonna take it.
1823
01:50:29,361 --> 01:50:32,451
Oh, um, I left a curling iron
on my desk as well.
1824
01:50:32,626 --> 01:50:35,063
It's Em's. If you could give it
to her, if you see her.
1825
01:50:35,237 --> 01:50:38,066
- Sure, if I see her in time.
- What do you mean?
1826
01:50:38,240 --> 01:50:42,070
- Oh, shit. She didn't tell you.
- Tell me what?
1827
01:50:42,244 --> 01:50:44,246
She's moving to Paris next week.
1828
01:50:46,988 --> 01:50:47,902
I'm sorry.
1829
01:50:51,253 --> 01:50:52,297
That's okay.
1830
01:50:53,516 --> 01:50:54,430
I'm not surprised.
1831
01:50:54,604 --> 01:50:56,127
Just a little thrown off.
1832
01:50:57,302 --> 01:50:58,652
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
1833
01:51:01,611 --> 01:51:04,005
- Bye.
- Bye, Coop. Have a great trip.
1834
01:51:11,621 --> 01:51:13,884
- LAX, right?
- Yeah.
1835
01:51:25,504 --> 01:51:26,767
Bye!
1836
01:51:28,682 --> 01:51:30,161
Bye, Cooper!
1837
01:51:44,741 --> 01:51:47,004
- What is this?
- He didn't tell me.
1838
01:51:59,756 --> 01:52:03,281
It's my letter of recommendation
for my application.
1839
01:52:03,455 --> 01:52:04,500
I see.
1840
01:52:06,589 --> 01:52:10,462
- Should I read it right now?
- If you want. It's up to you.
1841
01:52:13,248 --> 01:52:14,379
[SIGHS]
1842
01:52:14,553 --> 01:52:17,556
"Dear Admissions Committee,
1843
01:52:17,731 --> 01:52:20,168
I had the pleasure
of meeting Rachel
1844
01:52:20,342 --> 01:52:22,387
as her rehabilitation counselor.
1845
01:52:24,520 --> 01:52:26,348
I can say unequivocally
1846
01:52:26,522 --> 01:52:28,567
that Rachel is one of the most
promising people I've ever met.
1847
01:52:30,744 --> 01:52:33,007
Emphasis on 'people,'
not 'client.'
1848
01:52:36,097 --> 01:52:39,274
I could be writing this letter
from the perspective
1849
01:52:39,448 --> 01:52:41,015
of how much I gave to her
1850
01:52:41,189 --> 01:52:43,800
and how much she learned
during her time here.
1851
01:52:43,974 --> 01:52:46,063
But the truth is
that she gave more to me
1852
01:52:46,237 --> 01:52:47,456
than she received.
1853
01:52:52,330 --> 01:52:54,942
Her ability to flourish
in the face of crisis
1854
01:52:55,116 --> 01:52:56,421
has been incredible.
1855
01:52:58,336 --> 01:53:00,164
How fearless she's become.
1856
01:53:05,822 --> 01:53:08,651
I believe vulnerability
is the greatest form of courage.
1857
01:53:10,305 --> 01:53:12,568
And Rachel's exhibited
nothing but that.
1858
01:53:14,352 --> 01:53:15,963
Courage of the highest degree.
1859
01:53:19,531 --> 01:53:23,448
She had the courage at 18
to face her darkest hour.
1860
01:53:25,276 --> 01:53:27,539
To come to L.A.
and seek treatment
1861
01:53:27,713 --> 01:53:30,107
for a disease
that no longer defines her.
1862
01:53:32,240 --> 01:53:35,504
To face the backlash
from her friends and family
1863
01:53:35,678 --> 01:53:36,897
and pursue this application.
1864
01:53:37,071 --> 01:53:38,812
It's an inspiration to witness.
1865
01:53:42,946 --> 01:53:44,339
I don't personally know
1866
01:53:44,513 --> 01:53:47,429
the first thing
about high fashion,
1867
01:53:47,603 --> 01:53:52,129
but I do know through Rachel now
1868
01:53:52,303 --> 01:53:53,696
that you can't hold
someone back
1869
01:53:53,870 --> 01:53:56,786
who's conquered their own mind.
1870
01:53:56,960 --> 01:53:59,310
And for that,
I'll remain forever indebted.
1871
01:54:04,011 --> 01:54:06,230
All of us need the help
of other people.
1872
01:54:08,406 --> 01:54:11,627
Give this young woman a chance,
I beg of you.
1873
01:54:11,801 --> 01:54:14,499
I can think of no one more
deserving of your education.
1874
01:54:14,673 --> 01:54:16,545
Sincerely, Cooper Ganz."
1875
01:54:22,725 --> 01:54:23,900
[CHUCKLES]
1876
01:54:32,909 --> 01:54:35,781
["LOVE ME LIKE A FIRE" PLAYING]
1877
01:54:43,311 --> 01:54:46,096
Oh, my God, I got in. I got in!
1878
01:54:46,270 --> 01:54:48,925
Wait, wait! No way!
1879
01:54:49,099 --> 01:54:50,666
Would you mind
turning up this song?
1880
01:54:53,016 --> 01:54:54,844
Yes!
1881
01:54:55,018 --> 01:54:57,281
♪ Love me like a fire ♪
1882
01:54:57,455 --> 01:55:00,110
♪ And I'll love you
Like a flood ♪
1883
01:55:00,284 --> 01:55:02,852
♪ I'll give you
Everything I am ♪
1884
01:55:03,026 --> 01:55:05,942
♪ Down to the vapors
In my blood ♪
1885
01:55:06,116 --> 01:55:11,600
♪ I'll be your broken levee
If you will be my drug ♪
1886
01:55:11,774 --> 01:55:14,168
♪ Love me like a fire, girl ♪
1887
01:55:14,342 --> 01:55:17,040
♪ And I'll love you
Like a flood ♪
1888
01:55:17,214 --> 01:55:19,564
♪ Love me like an anchor ♪
1889
01:55:19,738 --> 01:55:22,306
♪ And I'll love you
Like a rock ♪
1890
01:55:22,480 --> 01:55:25,092
♪ I'll give you
Everything I have ♪
1891
01:55:25,266 --> 01:55:28,182
♪ Even the things
I haven't got ♪
1892
01:55:28,356 --> 01:55:30,706
♪ I'll tell you
That I love you ♪
1893
01:55:30,880 --> 01:55:33,796
♪ When you're worried
That I'll stop ♪
1894
01:55:33,970 --> 01:55:36,277
♪ Love me
Like an anchor, girl ♪
1895
01:55:36,451 --> 01:55:38,409
♪ And I'll love you
Like a rock ♪
1896
01:55:38,583 --> 01:55:43,675
♪ Come on now and love me ♪
1897
01:55:43,849 --> 01:55:49,246
♪ I need you to love me ♪
1898
01:55:49,420 --> 01:55:50,465
♪ Come on, baby ♪
1899
01:55:50,639 --> 01:55:56,950
♪ And love me ♪
1900
01:56:01,780 --> 01:56:03,913
♪ Love me like an altar ♪
1901
01:56:04,087 --> 01:56:06,698
♪ And I'll love you
Like a church ♪
1902
01:56:06,872 --> 01:56:09,571
♪ I'll give you
Everything I can ♪
1903
01:56:09,745 --> 01:56:12,704
♪ Through the good times
And the worst ♪
1904
01:56:12,878 --> 01:56:14,793
♪ I'll tell you
I've never done things ♪
1905
01:56:14,968 --> 01:56:18,232
♪ When I can see
You want to be the first ♪
1906
01:56:18,406 --> 01:56:20,669
♪ Love me like an altar, girl ♪
1907
01:56:20,843 --> 01:56:23,802
♪ And I'll love you
Like a church ♪
1908
01:56:23,977 --> 01:56:26,240
♪ Love me like a seraph ♪
1909
01:56:26,414 --> 01:56:28,982
♪ And I'll love you
Like a saint ♪
1910
01:56:29,156 --> 01:56:31,767
♪ I'll give you
Everything you need ♪
1911
01:56:31,941 --> 01:56:34,639
♪ And I'll never need
To be thanked ♪
1912
01:56:34,813 --> 01:56:37,251
♪ Just promise
You'll remind me ♪
1913
01:56:37,425 --> 01:56:40,080
♪ When we're old
And my mind goes blank ♪
1914
01:56:40,254 --> 01:56:42,908
♪ That you loved me
Like a seraph, girl ♪
1915
01:56:43,083 --> 01:56:45,215
♪ And I loved you
Like a saint ♪
1916
01:56:45,389 --> 01:56:50,264
♪ Come on now and love me ♪
1917
01:56:50,438 --> 01:56:55,834
♪ I need you to love me ♪
1918
01:56:56,009 --> 01:56:57,314
♪ Come on, baby ♪
1919
01:56:57,488 --> 01:57:03,799
♪ And love me ♪
1920
01:57:08,456 --> 01:57:10,545
♪ Love me like a monkey ♪
1921
01:57:10,719 --> 01:57:13,330
♪ And I'll love you
Like a vine ♪
1922
01:57:13,504 --> 01:57:16,159
♪ I'll give you
Everything I have ♪
1923
01:57:16,333 --> 01:57:19,293
♪ If you'll let me
Call you mine ♪
1924
01:57:19,467 --> 01:57:21,338
♪ I'll put you
On my shoulders ♪
1925
01:57:21,512 --> 01:57:24,863
♪ Up all the mountains
That we'll climb ♪
1926
01:57:25,038 --> 01:57:27,301
♪ Love me like a monkey, girl ♪
1927
01:57:27,475 --> 01:57:29,607
♪ And I'll love you
Like a vine ♪
1928
01:57:29,781 --> 01:57:34,612
♪ Come on now and love me ♪
1929
01:57:34,786 --> 01:57:40,183
♪ I need you to love me ♪
1930
01:57:40,357 --> 01:57:41,619
♪ Come on, baby ♪
1931
01:57:41,793 --> 01:57:48,061
♪ And love me ♪
1932
01:57:50,150 --> 01:57:56,852
♪ Come on, baby
I need you to love me ♪
1933
01:57:57,026 --> 01:58:02,379
♪ I need you to love me ♪
1934
01:58:02,553 --> 01:58:03,902
♪ Come on, baby ♪
1935
01:58:04,077 --> 01:58:10,039
♪ And love me ♪