1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:05,405         (crowd cheering)         3 00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:07,741       (host): More at JFL.       4 00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:11,077           With Jo Koy,              starring Paul Rabliauskas.    5 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 6 00:00:11,144 --> 00:00:12,979              Al Val,             7 00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:14,814          Jessica Kirson,         8 00:00:14,881 --> 00:00:16,649           Jimmy O.Yang,          9 00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:17,817             and more.            10 00:00:17,884 --> 00:00:20,887       It's Joy Koy at JFL.       11 00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:22,655          (upbeat music)          12 00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:25,291   (crowd cheering, applauding)   13 00:00:39,806 --> 00:00:41,941            - Montreal!           14 00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:44,077         (crowd cheering)         15 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,114        We got to-- Aww...        16 00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:52,118        This is why I love                Montreal so much.        17 00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:54,354         (crowd cheering)         18 00:00:55,588 --> 00:00:58,525        This is why I love             this festival so much.      19 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:02,829         This is my Gala.            This is my Gala, the 40th.    20 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,398   This is the 40th anniversary          of Just For Laughs        21 00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:08,134   and I'm honoured, of course.   22 00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,770           This is where               it all started for me.      23 00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:13,006   (crowd cheering, applauding)   24 00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:17,210            (chuckling)           25 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:23,183        We're gonna laugh.             'Cause laughter's good.     26 00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:25,919           You know me,              I see people laughing now.    27 00:01:25,985 --> 00:01:28,755     It feels good. It finally        feels good to be outside.    28 00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:31,658      What was it, two years          that we didn't have this?    29 00:01:31,724 --> 00:01:33,226   Two years we didn't have this  30 00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:34,694      and you guys are ready              to come back out.        31 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,796   Some of you are still wearing      the mask and that's fine.    32 00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:38,865   But you're not six feet apart  33 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,333        so you might get it                no matter what.         34 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:41,868    (crowd laughing, clapping)           Like it doesn't...        35 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,002           It doesn't...          36 00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:44,971            (cheering)            37 00:01:45,038 --> 00:01:48,408     All the mask is gonna do        is not give you COVID here.   38 00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:51,344     But it's gonna land here.    39 00:01:52,145 --> 00:01:53,913      And then go right here.     40 00:01:53,980 --> 00:01:55,648            (laughing)            41 00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,019   I love watching people laugh             and I get it.          42 00:02:00,086 --> 00:02:01,187          If you're here               and you're wearing it,      43 00:02:01,254 --> 00:02:02,522       that's fine. Wear it.      44 00:02:02,589 --> 00:02:04,324        But I love watching                 people laugh.          45 00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:05,592               I do.              46 00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:08,261        It's the best thing                 in the world.          47 00:02:08,328 --> 00:02:09,829       That's my motivation.      48 00:02:09,896 --> 00:02:12,499     That's what motivates me           to go left or right.       49 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,535     If I see someone laughing      over here hard, I stay here.   50 00:02:16,035 --> 00:02:17,103       You know what I mean?      51 00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:19,539      If there's no laughter        over here, I don't go there.   52 00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:21,040         (crowd laughing)         53 00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:25,311      That's negative energy.     54 00:02:26,045 --> 00:02:29,249     You don't want to be with      someone with negative energy.  55 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:31,184   I call them Energy Vampires.   56 00:02:31,251 --> 00:02:33,353  They suck the life out of you.  57 00:02:33,419 --> 00:02:37,090        I don't understand,          and I'm just speaking on me   58 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,424             as a guy,                 'cause I love to laugh,     59 00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:40,226     I don't understand women             that don't, like,        60 00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:42,929 that date guys that don't laugh.          I don't get it.         61 00:02:43,396 --> 00:02:45,265    I see women with guys that          just do this all day.      62 00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:46,533             (scoffs)             63 00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:47,734         (crowd laughing)         64 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,469        (stifled laughing)        65 00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:52,772               Tsst.              66 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:54,541            (laughing)            67 00:02:54,607 --> 00:02:57,110         They're in here.             They're right over there.    68 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,178         (crowd laughing)         69 00:02:58,244 --> 00:03:00,513     I swear to God! I swear!     70 00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:05,218    And there's guys over here         that are laughing big.      71 00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:06,352 That guy right there on the end. 72 00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:08,087      That guy on the corner,        that end seat right there.    73 00:03:08,154 --> 00:03:10,623          He's a clapper                and he moves forward.      74 00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:12,792     Right there, right there.    75 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:15,562 Cover his mouth, cover his mouth  'cause he doesn't have a mask.  76 00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:17,297             Covers...                    (crowd laughing)         77 00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:19,832         And I love that.         78 00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:22,702  And I'm not making fun of you.        I enjoy that energy.       79 00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:25,038      Laughter is beautiful.      80 00:03:25,805 --> 00:03:28,708    Laughter is God's medicine.   81 00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:30,076      You ever think of that?     82 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:32,011          When you laugh,              it releases endorphins.     83 00:03:32,078 --> 00:03:33,446       And when you release               those endorphins,        84 00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:36,082  it kills all that negative shit       that's inside of you.      85 00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:37,750          That's healing.         86 00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:39,752        That's why, laugh!          I always say that to people.   87 00:03:39,819 --> 00:03:41,154              Laugh.              88 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,522            It's free.            89 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,858          Not tonight...          90 00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:48,061   (crowd laughing, applauding)   91 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:53,866           But tomorrow.          92 00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:56,502  Remember these jokes tomorrow.  93 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,105     It's like to-go laughter.    94 00:04:00,873 --> 00:04:02,408             So laugh.            95 00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:04,043          Is he with you?         96 00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:06,546         That's your man?           He's gonna live a long life.   97 00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:08,381   He's gonna live a long life.   98 00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:09,716         Anyone that loves               to laugh like that,       99 00:04:09,782 --> 00:04:11,818 that's the kind of man you want,       ladies, right there.       100 00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:13,886  A guy that just loves to laugh.      He doesn't give a shit.     101 00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,456           Ha-ha, ha-ha!          102 00:04:16,522 --> 00:04:17,757         (crowd laughing)         103 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,528     I don't understand women            that get with guys        104 00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:25,064       that don't like that.       There's some right over there.  105 00:04:25,498 --> 00:04:28,268      I'm not gonna go there.     106 00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:29,769     I'm not going over there.    107 00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:32,372  'Cause those guys die tomorrow. 108 00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:34,274         (crowd laughing)                They die tomorrow.        109 00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:37,043      And I don't want to see     what death looks like right now. 110 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:40,146   I want to see what the future     looks like. And it's here.    111 00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:42,115               Ugh!                       (crowd cheering)         112 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,887        You ever see a guy              holding in his laugh?      113 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,356 You have to, you have to like... 114 00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:54,394          'Cause laughter              is natural convulsions      115 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:57,497      and you're stopping it.        You have to tense every...    116 00:04:57,563 --> 00:05:00,767            ...muscle.                   (stifled chortling)       117 00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:04,604          Asshole, tight.         118 00:05:06,205 --> 00:05:09,676    Take little Raisinet shits       'cause the ass is so tight.   119 00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:13,146        (stifled chortling)                  Tink, kunk!           120 00:05:13,212 --> 00:05:14,747     That's why everyone says,         "You're full of shit."      121 00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:17,150      'Cause you really are.            It's not coming out,       122 00:05:17,216 --> 00:05:18,785  'cause you won't fucking laugh! 123 00:05:18,851 --> 00:05:20,486         Tink, tonk, tink!        124 00:05:23,122 --> 00:05:25,024     His asshole's wide open.     125 00:05:25,091 --> 00:05:26,559         (crowd laughing)                    Wide open!            126 00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:28,261         (vibrating lips)         127 00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:33,833   I love you guys so much, JFL.  128 00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:35,868         (crowd cheering)         129 00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:37,804    This is a beautiful thing.    130 00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:40,940    Uh, this is what tonight's             gonna be about.         131 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,809     It's about love, laughter        and we're gonna be living    132 00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:45,545      hard tonight, you guys.            I love you so much.       133 00:05:45,611 --> 00:05:47,814   Thank you Montreal, for this.  134 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,782         (crowd cheering)         135 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,786       Not only is this guy                extremely funny         136 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,822          but he's a very               close friend of mine.      137 00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:58,191    Put your hands together...    138 00:05:58,257 --> 00:06:00,927        for Jimmy O. Yang!        139 00:06:00,993 --> 00:06:03,429          (upbeat music)          140 00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:05,865         (crowd cheering)         141 00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:19,379      - Thank you, Montreal.      142 00:06:20,246 --> 00:06:21,514               Yes!               143 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,816         We're here, baby!        144 00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,119          We're doing it.         145 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,488         Thank you, guys.                 Thank you, guys.         146 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:31,691     It's very special for me        to finally be here at JFL.    147 00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:34,927    This is my very first time    in Montreal. It's all happening. 148 00:06:34,994 --> 00:06:38,164         (crowd cheering)         Thank you, thank you, thank you. 149 00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:42,568      I love this place man.       It's beautiful, it's beautiful. 150 00:06:42,635 --> 00:06:44,303     Everybody always told me               to come here.          151 00:06:44,370 --> 00:06:47,006          Like Montreal,               it's just like France.      152 00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:50,743          I'm like, yeah,          but it's not really, you know?  153 00:06:51,644 --> 00:06:55,415 I feel like every city in Canada      is just like something.     154 00:06:56,315 --> 00:06:57,550          But not really.         155 00:06:58,684 --> 00:07:00,553  People always tell me, Toronto, 156 00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:01,888     it's just like New York.     157 00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:03,890          But not really.         158 00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:08,227        Vancouver, though,              just like Hong Kong.       159 00:07:08,294 --> 00:07:11,898      But... But not really.              You know, like...        160 00:07:11,964 --> 00:07:13,332    I'm going to start telling             my girlfriend,          161 00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:15,501  I'm just like Brad Pitt, but... 162 00:07:16,469 --> 00:07:18,337     But not really, you know?    163 00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:21,841    It's good to see you guys.      I had no idea what to expect   164 00:07:21,908 --> 00:07:24,243 in Montreal. You know, I thought   it was just a bunch of French  165 00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:25,812      people with baguettes.      166 00:07:26,646 --> 00:07:28,781   It's me being racist, simply.              You know?            167 00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:30,850      And it's very diverse.              A lot of Asians.         168 00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:33,786      I saw a lot of Asians.          Felt very safe. You know?    169 00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:35,188         (crowd laughing)         170 00:07:36,088 --> 00:07:37,957        I love Canada man.            But I always get nervous,    171 00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:40,126    though, crossing the border              in Canada.            172 00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:41,594   I got past trauma. You know?   173 00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:43,429       Like as an immigrant,             I feel like borders       174 00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:44,897      just kind of scare me.      175 00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:46,799 The first time I came to Canada, 176 00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:49,035        I went to Winnipeg.           It was a few years ago--     177 00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:50,069         (crowd laughing)         178 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,238        Apparently Winnipeg           is such a shitty city...     179 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,307         (crowd laughing)         180 00:07:54,373 --> 00:07:56,742    Just by saying, "Winnipeg"             it got a laugh.         181 00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:58,644          It's that bad.          182 00:07:58,711 --> 00:08:00,346       But I was there to do           a standup comedy show.      183 00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:01,781      I was there for a job.               I needed money,         184 00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:03,683       you know what I mean?          Like, I went to Winnipeg     185 00:08:03,749 --> 00:08:05,818  and the border patrol officer,           she stopped me.         186 00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:07,353     She was a very nice lady.              She was like,          187 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,589           "Are you here             for business or pleasure?"    188 00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:13,159     And I don't know why that      question like, made me panic.  189 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:16,696   I was like, ah, I didn't get   a business Visa, what should I-- 190 00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:19,298 I'm like, I'm here for pleasure. 191 00:08:19,365 --> 00:08:21,200         (crowd laughing)         192 00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:24,270  And she's like, "Are you sure?" 193 00:08:25,705 --> 00:08:27,273    I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah,       yeah, I'm definitely here    194 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,108     in Winnipeg for pleasure.          And then she's like,       195 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,244     "Nobody comes to Winnipeg             for pleasure."          196 00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:32,745         (crowd laughing)         197 00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:33,880           I'm like, oh.          198 00:08:35,615 --> 00:08:39,519   Now I get it. It's that bad.            It's that bad.          199 00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:42,388   Canada. Everything is chill.           People are chill.        200 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,257      That's the stereotype,           people are nice, right?     201 00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:46,626      Nice people in Canada.        Do you guys agree with that?   202 00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:49,996         (crowd cheering)                       Yeah.              203 00:08:50,062 --> 00:08:52,465 I've met some Canadian assholes.             You know?            204 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,201     You guys are just subtle            about it, you know?       205 00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:57,770     I mean you guys are like             polite assholes.         206 00:08:58,471 --> 00:09:00,740        You guys are polite              about your asshole.       207 00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:03,276    Americans, we let you know           we don't like you.        208 00:09:03,342 --> 00:09:05,244      You know? We just like,         "Ah, get out of my face,     209 00:09:05,311 --> 00:09:06,345        I don't like you."        210 00:09:06,412 --> 00:09:09,315     Canadians, you guys love           to agree to disagree.      211 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,752        You guys are like,             "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.      212 00:09:12,818 --> 00:09:16,055       Is that right, buddy?                Yeah, yeah...          213 00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:18,491       But no, no, you're--                 That's wrong.          214 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,159          That's wrong."          215 00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:24,230  Imma do one more for you guys.     Um, I got a girlfriend now,   216 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,898   she's amazing. You know, um,   217 00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:28,768      very happy about that.               You know? Yeah.         218 00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:30,803        We're the same age,                which is great.         219 00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:32,772  We're the same age, it's great     because we can communicate.   220 00:09:32,838 --> 00:09:34,473      You know? We talk about             the same things.         221 00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:35,841     We know the same things.     222 00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,610   Like I don't have to explain            to her The Rock         223 00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:39,312      used to be a wrestler.                That's great.          224 00:09:40,379 --> 00:09:42,748     You need to date someone            the same age range        225 00:09:42,815 --> 00:09:46,385         because you speak          the same language. You know?   226 00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:48,554    Have you guys tried calling         someone that's under       227 00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:50,323          the age of 30?          228 00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:52,758       They think it's like              the creepiest thing       229 00:09:52,825 --> 00:09:54,226          on the planet.          230 00:09:54,293 --> 00:09:56,796           They're like,                "Ew, what's he doing?      231 00:09:56,862 --> 00:09:58,264           Calling me?!"          232 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,433    "What is he like, my Dad?"    233 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,269           "Oh, my God,                 he left a voicemail!       234 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,237    What a rapist! Oh, my God."   235 00:10:05,304 --> 00:10:07,306         (crowd laughing)         236 00:10:07,373 --> 00:10:09,842       You can't call people                anymore, man.          237 00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:12,945     You gotta text them cute         little emojis, you know?     238 00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:14,714    'Cause there's low stakes.    239 00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:16,115    Look, I'm cool with emojis,   240 00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:17,416        especially when it                 first came out.         241 00:10:17,483 --> 00:10:20,686    Because it was just a bunch     of cute, yellow faces, okay?   242 00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:21,854           I liked that.          243 00:10:21,921 --> 00:10:23,956         (crowd laughing)         244 00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:25,758        I felt represented.       245 00:10:27,059 --> 00:10:29,295 You know what I mean? That's how     I like to see the world.     246 00:10:30,029 --> 00:10:31,897  But then, Apple or some company 247 00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:33,599 decided to get all woke and shit 248 00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:36,168         and they updated                the emoji ecosystem       249 00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:39,372      and now it's just like            five shades of beige.      250 00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:40,840         (crowd laughing)         251 00:10:40,906 --> 00:10:42,041   Which is a cultural landmine.  252 00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:43,342         I don't know what                to do with that!         253 00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:45,945     Like I was trying to text      my Black friend a thumbs up.   254 00:10:46,545 --> 00:10:49,315    Was I supposed to text him     my thumbs up or his thumbs up?  255 00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,217         (crowd laughing)         256 00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:56,756     I never texted him back.        I just lost a Black friend.   257 00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:59,558         Thank you, guys.           You guys are great, Montreal.  258 00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:01,394   (crowd cheering, applauding)   259 00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:03,529          (upbeat music)          260 00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,870          (upbeat music)          261 00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:14,707              - Yeah.             262 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:18,144  - I'm serious when I say this.  263 00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:20,680  I love shining light on people, 264 00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:22,782      and when I saw this guy             on the internet,         265 00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:25,818    I personally asked for him          to appear on my gala.      266 00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:29,555        So, please welcome,                 JR De Guzman!          267 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:32,425          (upbeat music)          268 00:11:32,491 --> 00:11:34,060   (crowd cheering, applauding)   269 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,167              - Woo!              270 00:11:41,233 --> 00:11:43,869     I actually go COVID, man.    271 00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:45,538        That's why I'm glad             to be back on stage.       272 00:11:45,604 --> 00:11:47,940     I got it yesterday, sir.     273 00:11:48,007 --> 00:11:49,008               Um...                      (crowd laughing)         274 00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:52,545       So, you're gonna want           to get tested. But I--      275 00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:55,781            I'm so glad                to be doing this show.      276 00:11:55,848 --> 00:11:58,284    I actually got COVID twice.   277 00:11:58,350 --> 00:12:01,353       I got the first one,             I got COVID Classic.       278 00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:02,388               Yeah.              279 00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:05,291        You guys remember,                same great taste.        280 00:12:05,357 --> 00:12:07,126         (crowd laughing)         281 00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:08,961        Which was no taste.       282 00:12:10,529 --> 00:12:13,899   And then I got the third one,         season three COVID.       283 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:19,138      And I got the third one           in December of 2021.       284 00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:21,741    And I don't know if anyone        else got it at that time.    285 00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:23,809         But at that time,            it seemed like everybody     286 00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:25,411     was getting COVID, right?    287 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:29,048      Like, everybody that I          came into contact with...    288 00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:31,016         (crowd laughing)         289 00:12:35,454 --> 00:12:37,690      Like three days later,               they had COVID.         290 00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:41,427   Whoa, you're not being safe.   291 00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:44,196         Wear a mask, bro.        292 00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:46,532   But I'm gonna play some music  293 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,434  and tell you guys a little bit        about myself tonight.      294 00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:50,269         (crowd cheering)         295 00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:54,607            ♪ Montreal,                how you doing tonight ♪     296 00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:56,542         (crowd cheering)         297 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,677    ♪ Oooh, yeah, yeah, yeah      298 00:12:58,744 --> 00:13:01,413      And a little bit about                 myself is,            299 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,517   I was born in the Philippines           and I'm proud.          300 00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:06,619         (crowd cheering)                       Yeah.              301 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:11,056       And I moved to the US          when I was one year old.     302 00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:12,992  Just an ambitious little baby.  303 00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:17,429        You know? And I had             a lot of insecurities      304 00:13:17,496 --> 00:13:18,864      'cause they're weren't            a lot of role models       305 00:13:18,931 --> 00:13:21,634         to make Asian men                feel sexy, right?        306 00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:25,504        Like white people,             you guys had Brad Pitt,     307 00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:27,173            Tom Cruise.           308 00:13:27,239 --> 00:13:30,109    All we had was Jackie Chan.   309 00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:31,977         (crowd laughing)         310 00:13:32,044 --> 00:13:34,246           You remember?             Every movie he's just like,   311 00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:36,148       "Who kill my uncle?"       312 00:13:39,351 --> 00:13:40,953        His uncle would die                in every movie          313 00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:43,422 and then there was martial arts.     That was the whole plot.     314 00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:47,259   And it's sad because Asians,      we're the least represented   315 00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:48,694          culture on TV.          316 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,497        Which is messed up.       317 00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:54,266   'Cause we're also the highest        manufacturer of Tvs.       318 00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,402         (crowd laughing)         319 00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:01,307     You ungrateful bastards.     320 00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:06,745    We make you all these Tvs.       Just put us inside of one.    321 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:09,748        Let's go, Montreal.       322 00:14:09,815 --> 00:14:13,452        ♪ And I said Asian                guys can smash ♪         323 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:16,522  ♪ We're not just good at math   324 00:14:17,156 --> 00:14:20,092   ♪ If we were back in class     325 00:14:20,159 --> 00:14:23,929    ♪ I'd re-educate your ass     326 00:14:23,996 --> 00:14:26,832     ♪ Asian guys can smash       327 00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:29,602         ♪ Not just bricks                in karate class ♪        328 00:14:30,502 --> 00:14:33,239     ♪ I'm not a karate kid       329 00:14:33,305 --> 00:14:35,941    ♪ Yeah, I'm a karate man      330 00:14:37,176 --> 00:14:39,478  That's for Jackie Chan's uncle. 331 00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,115     You know, there's another               stereotype,           332 00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:45,150   they say Asians can't drive.   333 00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:48,053         That's messed up.        334 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:50,623         'Cause we made it              to this show safely.       335 00:14:50,689 --> 00:14:52,424         (crowd laughing)                       Yeah!              336 00:14:52,491 --> 00:14:55,027       To any empty chairs,                rest in peace.          337 00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:57,129   (crowd laughing, applauding)   338 00:14:57,196 --> 00:14:58,364             You know.            339 00:14:59,698 --> 00:15:01,000               Yeah.              340 00:15:04,303 --> 00:15:06,338   Let's dispel that stereotype.  341 00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:09,742  ♪ I said Asian guys can drive   342 00:15:09,808 --> 00:15:12,511   ♪ They always say we crash     343 00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:15,981   ♪ It's not from driving bad    344 00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:18,851        ♪ It's from driving               while we smash ♪         345 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,555    Yeah. You gotta multi-task.   346 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,693           So if you see              an Asian driver tonight,     347 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,396           he turns left                 without signalling,       348 00:15:30,462 --> 00:15:32,131         don't be racist.         349 00:15:33,232 --> 00:15:36,535          Don't be like,           "See, he's a bad Asian driver." 350 00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,871 Be like, "Oh, I heard JR's song. 351 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,507      He's just makin' sweet,          sweet love right now."      352 00:15:41,573 --> 00:15:43,375         (crowd laughing)         353 00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:45,978  And there's one more stereotype          I grew up with          354 00:15:46,045 --> 00:15:47,446       that I really hated.       355 00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:50,082     You guys probably already             know this one.          356 00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:52,384         Let's dispel this                one too, tonight.        357 00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:56,922       ♪ I said our penises                aren't small ♪          358 00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,426    ♪ It's just like our rice     359 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,495      ♪ When you warm it up ♪     360 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:06,665   ♪ It doubles twice its size    361 00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:09,268    (crowd laughing, cheering)    362 00:16:11,036 --> 00:16:13,939           (vocalizing)           363 00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:17,109        ♪ It's like a rice                 cooker baby ♪           364 00:16:18,844 --> 00:16:21,380  Come on, make some noise if you    got a rice cooker at home.    365 00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:23,449         (crowd cheering)         366 00:16:25,184 --> 00:16:27,252       Progressive audience.      367 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,089      So many different kinds       of rice in the house tonight.  368 00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:31,790    Basmati rice, Jasmine rice,   369 00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:33,859   even brown rice in the house.  370 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,162    Yeah. And you ever cooking        rice in your rice cooker,    371 00:16:37,229 --> 00:16:39,365       you put a little bit               of rice in there,        372 00:16:39,431 --> 00:16:41,066          you look at it                before it's finished,      373 00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:42,334     you're like, "Oh, wow...     374 00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:44,203     that's not enough rice."     375 00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,673    And then when it's finished         cooking you're like,       376 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:50,075          "Damn, that fed                 my whole family."        377 00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:53,412       Rice, you're a grower                not a shower.          378 00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:56,548        Give rice a chance,           us Asian guys can smash.     379 00:16:56,615 --> 00:16:57,483      Thank you guys so much!     380 00:16:57,549 --> 00:16:59,585   (crowd cheering, applauding)   381 00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:04,556          (upbeat music)          382 00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:18,170 - This comic lives by the motto:         Always be silly.         383 00:17:18,237 --> 00:17:20,472     Same motto as the person                 in charge            384 00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:22,708    of Montreal's road repairs.   385 00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:27,646  Please welcome Jessica Kirson!  386 00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:29,415          (upbeat music)          387 00:17:29,481 --> 00:17:32,151   (crowd cheering, applauding)   388 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:39,224   - Hi, everyone. How are you?        I'm a miserable person.     389 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:43,896            I'm sober,                I don't do drugs anymore.    390 00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:46,565  Um, you know you have a problem  with cocaine when you're like,  391 00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:48,400          "It's my turn."                 And you're alone.        392 00:17:49,835 --> 00:17:50,869             (sighing)            393 00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:54,406  I have a hard time with myself,             you know?            394 00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:56,675      I was gonna get Botox,                  you know,            395 00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:59,011     but then I saw my mother     at a wedding and she was like... 396 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,179           "Hi, honey."           397 00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:01,613         (crowd laughing)         398 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:02,948         "How, ya doing?"         399 00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,851           And I'm like,                "Mom, are you okay?"       400 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,353          And she's like,                 "Yeah. I'm good."        401 00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:12,191       "I went to get Botox            and they hit a nerve."      402 00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:15,727          "Can you tell?"         403 00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:19,331      I'm like, "Can I tell?          You look like a bass fish    404 00:18:19,398 --> 00:18:21,467        that's been through                 a Cuisinart."          405 00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:26,271    I mean, I have young kids.     Young kids put you down a lot.  406 00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:28,107   I was with them during COVID.  407 00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:29,608    I was basically in prison.    408 00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:31,944       I mean, it was a lot              to be around them.        409 00:18:32,010 --> 00:18:33,745        Because they do put                you down a lot.         410 00:18:33,812 --> 00:18:35,280        Like, my daughter,                Madison, one day         411 00:18:35,347 --> 00:18:36,748   looked at me and she's like,           "Mommy, you have         412 00:18:36,815 --> 00:18:38,617    eyelashes in your nostril."   413 00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,285       I'm like, "Fuck you!"      414 00:18:40,352 --> 00:18:42,121         (crowd laughing)         415 00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:46,358          "You smell like              a barn animal, bitch."      416 00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:48,193   You know what I mean? It's...  417 00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:52,331  I do a lot of shows in Florida     for very old Jewish people.   418 00:18:52,397 --> 00:18:54,099    My people. Thank you, sir.    419 00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:56,735    Thank you. Thank you, Rabi.   420 00:18:59,271 --> 00:19:01,773   Most of the crowd is 80, 90,   421 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:03,942   some have passed away. And...  422 00:19:04,009 --> 00:19:06,044         (crowd laughing)         423 00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:07,779   They all have the same face,   424 00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:09,615     even when they're saying            something positive.       425 00:19:09,681 --> 00:19:11,316      It's gorgeous outside.      426 00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:15,354       Look at this weather.               The sun is out.         427 00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:18,290   The test came back negative.            I'm gonna live.         428 00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:24,196    A lot of times I don't hear       any laughter for an hour.    429 00:19:24,263 --> 00:19:25,531   I just hear moaning. Just...   430 00:19:25,597 --> 00:19:27,533             (moaning)            431 00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:35,240        They yell shit out.             Just like, "Help me!"      432 00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:37,609            "Help me!"            433 00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:40,445        They tell me to do                things for them.         434 00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:42,915 I swear. Just, "Get me a drink!" 435 00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:45,918       "Get my medication!"       436 00:19:45,984 --> 00:19:48,554             I'm like,               "I'm doing a show, bitch."    437 00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:55,627 One woman once yelled out at me,  "Clown!" She called me a clown. 438 00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:57,396     I'm not kidding, "Clown!"    439 00:19:57,462 --> 00:20:00,899      It's sounded like a cat      being assaulted. Just, "Clown!" 440 00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:03,769           (screeching)           441 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,540             (hissing)            442 00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:10,609         (crowd laughing)         443 00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:13,812      I never understood how         my grandfather stayed hard.   444 00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:15,781     I know that sounds weird.    445 00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:18,283            (chuckling)           446 00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:22,988         The guy couldn't            get a word in for 57 years.   447 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:26,158    This goes out to all of you       that can't get a word in.    448 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:29,761       Really, he couldn't.       He literally walked around like, 449 00:20:29,828 --> 00:20:31,663    "Somebody, please help me.    450 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:36,468  Please. I haven't been allowed        to speak since 1932."      451 00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:40,806  "This bitch has answered every   question I've ever been asked.  452 00:20:40,872 --> 00:20:43,609   Please shoot me in the head.               Somebody,            453 00:20:43,675 --> 00:20:45,444    take me out of my misery."    454 00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:48,714  And Viagra wasn't around then.         Do you understand?        455 00:20:49,481 --> 00:20:51,250        I mean, we would go                to a restaurant         456 00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:53,752  and the waitress would be like,    "What would you like, sir?"   457 00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:54,820       And my grandma would,                 "He'll have           458 00:20:54,886 --> 00:20:56,955      the chicken with rice.      459 00:20:57,022 --> 00:20:58,890         He has diarrhea."        460 00:20:58,957 --> 00:21:00,292         (crowd laughing)         461 00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:03,195  "He needs the rice to bind him. 462 00:21:04,062 --> 00:21:09,134      There's feces all over            the goddamn bathroom.      463 00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:12,638  Did everyone in the restaurant              hear me?             464 00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:15,173              Feces."             465 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,109       (deep voice): Feces!       466 00:21:17,743 --> 00:21:19,711    I just peed. Anyway, so...    467 00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:21,246         (crowd laughing)         468 00:21:22,414 --> 00:21:24,850        Let me act it out.           'Cause I think a lot of you   469 00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:26,885    want to see my grandparents               doing it.            470 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,720         It's really hot.         471 00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:32,057 I feel like my grandmother would   just bend over a little bit,   472 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,192          just to make it                difficult for him.        473 00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:38,597    'Cause she made everything           difficult for him.        474 00:21:38,664 --> 00:21:41,166  And she would just put him down          the whole time.         475 00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:44,803   She'd just be like, "Irving,     I'm not bending over anymore.  476 00:21:45,771 --> 00:21:47,439          Find the hole.          477 00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:52,010        I hate your penis.        478 00:21:53,245 --> 00:21:55,180        Don't make a mess.        479 00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:59,351     When is the cleaning lady                 coming?             480 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,389        You never provided                for the children.        481 00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:07,826          They never had                  what they needed.        482 00:22:08,627 --> 00:22:11,830    Ugh. I can't even feel you              inside of me.          483 00:22:11,897 --> 00:22:13,198        Are you in me yet?        484 00:22:14,399 --> 00:22:16,335    Did you pay the insurance?    485 00:22:17,903 --> 00:22:21,206     I got into a crash today.                 Oh, no.             486 00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:25,644      God, this is horrible,           I still can't feel you.     487 00:22:26,511 --> 00:22:29,014       Are you in my ass?!"       488 00:22:29,848 --> 00:22:32,551       You guys are amazing.       I love you. I'm Jessica Kirson. 489 00:22:32,617 --> 00:22:34,820            (cheering)            490 00:22:34,886 --> 00:22:37,255          (upbeat music)          491 00:22:37,522 --> 00:22:39,257            (inaudible)           492 00:22:44,329 --> 00:22:46,398          (upbeat music)          493 00:22:48,433 --> 00:22:51,336         Nylon... is hot.         494 00:22:51,403 --> 00:22:53,071         (crowd laughing)         495 00:22:54,439 --> 00:22:57,075        I'm trying so hard                 to play it off.         496 00:22:57,142 --> 00:22:59,578   It is soaking wet under here.  497 00:23:00,645 --> 00:23:03,749     I'm so wet and I'm trying          so hard. I'm trying.       498 00:23:03,815 --> 00:23:05,317          Every time I go             back there I'm just like,    499 00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:08,787    please a fan or something.                 Fan it.             500 00:23:10,288 --> 00:23:12,190        I just want every--                You know what?          501 00:23:12,257 --> 00:23:14,659        I'm gonna do a PSA.         I'm gonna do a PSA right now.  502 00:23:14,726 --> 00:23:17,262            All right.             A Public Service Announcement.  503 00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:21,466    Right now. And this is just         for the ladies. Okay?      504 00:23:22,033 --> 00:23:23,802     It's just for the ladies.               It's a PSA.           505 00:23:23,869 --> 00:23:27,806        When you see a guy            doing stuff like this...     506 00:23:27,873 --> 00:23:29,674         (crowd laughing)         507 00:23:32,077 --> 00:23:33,745      They're not stretching.     508 00:23:34,846 --> 00:23:36,381               Okay?              509 00:23:36,448 --> 00:23:39,217     I don't want you to think    that's an athlete or you know... 510 00:23:39,885 --> 00:23:42,788  Oh, he's bored. He's not. Okay? 511 00:23:42,854 --> 00:23:45,257     When you see a guy doing             stuff like this,         512 00:23:45,323 --> 00:23:48,593        they're not trying                to be cool. Okay?        513 00:23:49,494 --> 00:23:51,363       These lights are hot.      514 00:23:52,731 --> 00:23:55,100            And my ball                 is stuck to my thigh.      515 00:23:55,167 --> 00:23:56,902         (crowd laughing)         516 00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:03,608     And I'm trying to detach         it without being creepy.     517 00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:07,045  Okay? So, now you know, ladies. 518 00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:08,613            Two balls.            519 00:24:11,550 --> 00:24:13,018           Now you know!          520 00:24:13,084 --> 00:24:14,619     When you go back to work.    521 00:24:15,187 --> 00:24:18,790   Go back to work and that guy   from accounting walks up to you, 522 00:24:18,857 --> 00:24:20,625          "Hey, Rebecca.          523 00:24:20,692 --> 00:24:22,394         Me and the fellas           are gonna go to Starbucks.    524 00:24:22,461 --> 00:24:24,763        You want anything?           Like a frappuccino? Or..."    525 00:24:24,830 --> 00:24:26,164         (crowd laughing)         526 00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:31,269    "Americano or a macchiato.    527 00:24:31,336 --> 00:24:33,872       You want a macchiato                or something?"          528 00:24:35,106 --> 00:24:37,843        "Get the fuck away             from my cubicle, Steve.     529 00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:41,379 Get away from my cubicle, Steve! 530 00:24:42,180 --> 00:24:44,516    Sticky nut, Steve walked up            to me asking me         531 00:24:44,583 --> 00:24:46,885       if I wanted something       from Starbucks, and I was like, 532 00:24:46,952 --> 00:24:49,254         get away from me.          He was like, two, both balls!  533 00:24:49,321 --> 00:24:50,655            Both balls!           534 00:24:53,758 --> 00:24:55,360        (exhaling sharply)        535 00:24:55,427 --> 00:24:56,862            (laughing)            536 00:24:56,928 --> 00:24:59,130            Both balls!           537 00:24:59,197 --> 00:25:01,766      Yes! He went like that.          And I heard. It went...     538 00:25:01,833 --> 00:25:03,068          (popping lips)          539 00:25:03,134 --> 00:25:04,369            I heard it!           540 00:25:04,436 --> 00:25:07,639        And you want to get             me a frappucino?! No!      541 00:25:08,206 --> 00:25:09,474               No."               542 00:25:11,710 --> 00:25:14,179     You know, I did that joke             a long time ago         543 00:25:14,246 --> 00:25:18,450       when my son was like,       15 or something, like 15 or 14. 544 00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:20,519       Right? And at the end       of the show, he walked up to me 545 00:25:20,585 --> 00:25:22,053         and he was like,              "Dad. I don't get it."      546 00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:23,321         (crowd laughing)         547 00:25:23,388 --> 00:25:24,990         I go, "Get what?"        548 00:25:25,056 --> 00:25:27,759     He's like, "I didn't get         that joke about the balls    549 00:25:27,826 --> 00:25:30,529           on the thigh.            Like, why were they laughing?  550 00:25:30,595 --> 00:25:32,564  I didn't even get it. Like what      was so funny about it?"     551 00:25:32,631 --> 00:25:34,199      I go, "Joe, you're not             supposed to get it.       552 00:25:35,467 --> 00:25:36,768            You're 15.            553 00:25:38,036 --> 00:25:41,172       Your balls are still           at the base of your dick.    554 00:25:41,239 --> 00:25:42,941         (crowd laughing)         555 00:25:47,779 --> 00:25:50,348     That's where 15-year-old                balls sit.            556 00:25:50,415 --> 00:25:53,151     At the base of your dick.    557 00:25:53,218 --> 00:25:55,053    Your dick is like a really               cool hiker            558 00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:57,822      with like, the coolest            backpack on. Just...       559 00:25:57,889 --> 00:25:59,791         (crowd laughing)         560 00:26:04,095 --> 00:26:05,697    My dick is like a seasoned                traveller            561 00:26:05,764 --> 00:26:07,799    with the shitty roller bag.            Like, let's...          562 00:26:07,866 --> 00:26:09,401             Come on!             563 00:26:10,135 --> 00:26:11,636          Broken wheel."          564 00:26:11,703 --> 00:26:13,638         (crowd laughing)         565 00:26:18,476 --> 00:26:19,978        Are you guys ready                 for more show?          566 00:26:20,045 --> 00:26:22,213         (crowd cheering)         567 00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:26,217  He's one of the fastest rising        comedians in America       568 00:26:26,284 --> 00:26:29,087       and it's always good        to be one of the fastest rising 569 00:26:29,154 --> 00:26:32,557        in your profession,         unless you're a scuba diver.   570 00:26:33,558 --> 00:26:35,727     Please welcome, Asif Ali!    571 00:26:35,794 --> 00:26:37,662          (upbeat music)          572 00:26:37,729 --> 00:26:40,432   (crowd cheering, applauding)   573 00:26:44,336 --> 00:26:46,838  - Hello, Montreal, how are you? 574 00:26:46,905 --> 00:26:49,541            (screaming)           575 00:26:50,542 --> 00:26:51,676       It's nice to be here.      576 00:26:51,743 --> 00:26:53,878 I'm Indian. Are there any Indian       people here tonight?       577 00:26:53,945 --> 00:26:55,547         (crowd cheering)                       Yes!               578 00:26:56,147 --> 00:26:57,716        There's a lot man.              There should be more.      579 00:26:57,782 --> 00:26:59,317         There's a billion                 Indian people.          580 00:27:00,085 --> 00:27:02,387      We need to put a condom      over that entire country, bro.  581 00:27:02,454 --> 00:27:04,990          We're doing way               too much over there.       582 00:27:05,056 --> 00:27:06,625         There's a billion               Indian people, man.       583 00:27:06,691 --> 00:27:08,026     And listen, we don't give               our parents           584 00:27:08,093 --> 00:27:09,561  and grandparents enough credit. 585 00:27:10,095 --> 00:27:12,364       For making a billion                Indian people.          586 00:27:13,865 --> 00:27:15,166    You know how hard that is?    587 00:27:15,233 --> 00:27:17,035     Sir, do you know how hard            it is to have sex        588 00:27:17,102 --> 00:27:18,870     after eating Indian food?    589 00:27:18,937 --> 00:27:20,872         (crowd laughing)         590 00:27:21,506 --> 00:27:22,974       You don't know risk!       591 00:27:24,843 --> 00:27:26,344        I dare any of you,             leave the show tonight,     592 00:27:26,411 --> 00:27:27,946     have two plates of curry             and try fucking.         593 00:27:28,013 --> 00:27:29,314        You won't trust any                of your holes.          594 00:27:29,381 --> 00:27:30,548        We make the future!       595 00:27:30,615 --> 00:27:32,417         (crowd laughing)         596 00:27:35,353 --> 00:27:36,521        You better be happy              that shit's spicy,        597 00:27:36,588 --> 00:27:38,723 otherwise they'd be four billion          of us out here.         598 00:27:40,125 --> 00:27:42,661            (laughing)            599 00:27:43,094 --> 00:27:44,262        It's jammed up too.       600 00:27:44,329 --> 00:27:45,897     It's jammed up in India.          And they let you know.      601 00:27:45,964 --> 00:27:47,599       Usually, when you go        to countries that are crowded,  602 00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,668  you have to get off the plane,           get into a bus,         603 00:27:49,734 --> 00:27:51,670         get to the hotel,            then go to the main city.    604 00:27:51,736 --> 00:27:53,071         Then you're like,             "Wow, this is crowded."     605 00:27:53,138 --> 00:27:54,339           Not in India.          606 00:27:54,406 --> 00:27:56,241        They let you know.        607 00:27:56,307 --> 00:27:58,376      The moment that goddamn                plane lands           608 00:27:58,443 --> 00:28:01,046   they let you know you've made      a personal space mistake.    609 00:28:02,180 --> 00:28:04,783        I was in the plane.         Right when that ding goes off  610 00:28:04,849 --> 00:28:06,851  in the plane and you stand up,      there's an Indian dude...    611 00:28:06,918 --> 00:28:09,988              Ah, ah!                 Oh, God, he's right here.    612 00:28:10,055 --> 00:28:11,623  You're just smelling his neck.          He's right here.         613 00:28:11,690 --> 00:28:15,393     Ah! And his wife is, ah!           Just right here. Gah!      614 00:28:15,460 --> 00:28:17,095 They're just hugging around you.      They don't give a hell      615 00:28:17,162 --> 00:28:18,697       that you even exist.       616 00:28:19,464 --> 00:28:21,232          All their kids             are in your pockets, dude.    617 00:28:21,299 --> 00:28:23,201         All their kids...                   (laughing)            618 00:28:23,268 --> 00:28:25,070 The little ones in the coin one. 619 00:28:27,872 --> 00:28:29,274         It's insane, man.        620 00:28:29,340 --> 00:28:31,843          My parents got                an arranged marriage.      621 00:28:31,910 --> 00:28:33,912          It's not weird.                In their community        622 00:28:33,978 --> 00:28:37,148 where they grew up that was like      the Tinder of its time.     623 00:28:38,717 --> 00:28:40,518        A little different,         but the same thing, you know?  624 00:28:40,585 --> 00:28:41,820       Just like, one swipe.      625 00:28:44,622 --> 00:28:46,257          No take backs!          626 00:28:46,324 --> 00:28:47,926         (crowd laughing)         627 00:28:47,992 --> 00:28:50,462            (laughing)            628 00:28:50,528 --> 00:28:52,097  But look at us, we're all out.  629 00:28:52,163 --> 00:28:54,699  You know, we're all having fun.          We all made it.         630 00:28:54,766 --> 00:28:56,668      Remember we all thought          we were gonna get buff.     631 00:28:58,169 --> 00:28:59,771            (laughing)            632 00:28:59,838 --> 00:29:03,341         I'm looking at us        and none of us did it. But uh... 633 00:29:03,408 --> 00:29:06,010     We believed for a moment,               didn't we?            634 00:29:06,077 --> 00:29:07,612        I talked to my boys              on the group chat.        635 00:29:07,679 --> 00:29:09,614            I was like,                 accountability check.      636 00:29:09,681 --> 00:29:11,883      "Look at me now, guys!         Next time you guys see me,    637 00:29:11,950 --> 00:29:13,451     I'm gonna have no neck."     638 00:29:14,486 --> 00:29:15,553          I'm gonna turn                 into one of those--       639 00:29:15,620 --> 00:29:17,188      You ever see those guys                at the gym?           640 00:29:17,255 --> 00:29:20,091       Those guys that like,           turn into human crabs.      641 00:29:20,158 --> 00:29:21,526              Like...             642 00:29:21,593 --> 00:29:22,594   Their whole goal is to like,   643 00:29:22,660 --> 00:29:25,630    never touch their pockets,            ever again, dude.        644 00:29:25,697 --> 00:29:27,599       That's why they roll           in groups of nine, dude.     645 00:29:27,665 --> 00:29:29,768       They're just getting        each other's Toyota Camry keys  646 00:29:29,834 --> 00:29:31,503       for each other, dude.      647 00:29:31,936 --> 00:29:33,638      These people are eating        all the chicken in Canada.    648 00:29:33,705 --> 00:29:35,106     They need to be stopped.     649 00:29:37,375 --> 00:29:38,543   None of us did anything, man.  650 00:29:38,610 --> 00:29:39,611       I did finish Netflix.      651 00:29:39,677 --> 00:29:41,045        You can't take that                 away from me.          652 00:29:42,147 --> 00:29:44,182    Yeah, I got to the end too.              Hell, yeah.           653 00:29:44,849 --> 00:29:46,751   A message came up. It wasn't,       are you still watching?     654 00:29:46,818 --> 00:29:48,019          it was like...          655 00:29:48,086 --> 00:29:48,987           Thanks, bro.           656 00:29:49,053 --> 00:29:50,688         (crowd laughing)         657 00:29:50,755 --> 00:29:52,490      Appreciate the support.     658 00:29:52,557 --> 00:29:53,758      Honestly, I'm surprised     659 00:29:53,825 --> 00:29:56,161    there isn't a COVID themed         dating show on Netflix.     660 00:29:56,895 --> 00:29:58,296      They have a dating show              for everything.         661 00:29:58,363 --> 00:30:00,431   You autistic? We have a show.   Are you Indian? We have a show. 662 00:30:00,498 --> 00:30:02,066       Are you an Asian guy        that's pretending to be Black?  663 00:30:02,133 --> 00:30:04,836      We have a show for you.              Every category.         664 00:30:04,903 --> 00:30:07,539      Why not a COVID themed       dating show? You'd watch that.  665 00:30:08,373 --> 00:30:10,008        Fuckin' Vax Island.       666 00:30:11,609 --> 00:30:14,212      You would. Vax Island,         twenty people on an island.   667 00:30:14,279 --> 00:30:15,747    Ten are vaxed, ten are not.   668 00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:17,182  They're all immunocompromised.  669 00:30:17,248 --> 00:30:19,150         (crowd laughing)         670 00:30:22,687 --> 00:30:24,656         No masks allowed!        671 00:30:24,722 --> 00:30:26,891        The last two alive              have to get married.       672 00:30:26,958 --> 00:30:29,093         (crowd laughing)         673 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:31,196     All right, I'm Asif Ali.          Thank you guys so much!     674 00:30:31,262 --> 00:30:33,131      Good night, thank you.      675 00:30:33,198 --> 00:30:35,333   (crowd cheering, applauding)   676 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,335          (upbeat music)          677 00:30:47,645 --> 00:30:50,014          - Every weekend             from grade one to eleven,    678 00:30:50,081 --> 00:30:52,750        this comedian went         to Lithuanian Saturday school.  679 00:30:52,817 --> 00:30:56,054     I don't know exactly what     Lithuanian Saturday school is,  680 00:30:56,120 --> 00:31:00,358   but she tells me it's exactly      as much fun as it sounds.    681 00:31:00,425 --> 00:31:03,628      Please welcome, Al Val!     682 00:31:03,695 --> 00:31:05,663         (crowd cheering)         683 00:31:05,730 --> 00:31:07,699          (upbeat music)          684 00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:16,808           -Yeah, baby!              What's going on, Montreal?!   685 00:31:16,875 --> 00:31:18,943      How are you cutie pies?     686 00:31:19,010 --> 00:31:20,979         (crowd cheering)                       Yes!               687 00:31:21,045 --> 00:31:23,781        My name is Al Val.               I am a Trans woman.       688 00:31:23,848 --> 00:31:25,250           I don't know               if the Bart Simpson voice    689 00:31:25,316 --> 00:31:26,918     gave it away off the top.    690 00:31:28,286 --> 00:31:30,288    But I've been transitioning           for the past year        691 00:31:30,355 --> 00:31:32,724     and it's been incredible.           It's been awesome,        692 00:31:32,790 --> 00:31:34,792       it's been everything          I've ever wanted it to be.    693 00:31:34,859 --> 00:31:37,262   (crowd cheering, applauding)                 Okay.              694 00:31:38,563 --> 00:31:39,530               Stop.              695 00:31:40,665 --> 00:31:42,300   Your claps are the foundation  696 00:31:42,367 --> 00:31:43,935      on which my self-esteem                 is built.            697 00:31:44,002 --> 00:31:45,904          So, thank you.          698 00:31:45,970 --> 00:31:48,406  Um. It's been an amazing year.     I've been taking hormones.    699 00:31:48,473 --> 00:31:50,275  It's doing some amazing things             to my body.           700 00:31:50,341 --> 00:31:54,112 My skin is smoother, I'm growing       little-bitty boobies.      701 00:31:54,178 --> 00:31:55,847         That's fun. Uh...        702 00:31:55,914 --> 00:31:58,116  But like, I'm trying not to put          too much stock          703 00:31:58,182 --> 00:32:00,718     into aesthetic standards.    704 00:32:00,785 --> 00:32:03,321       I'm trying to measure                my self-worth          705 00:32:03,388 --> 00:32:04,689     beyond beauty standards.     706 00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:06,157        Now, I know we all              want to be beautiful,      707 00:32:06,224 --> 00:32:07,458     and I do too, of course.     708 00:32:07,525 --> 00:32:09,727           I'm not above                 that kind of thing.       709 00:32:09,794 --> 00:32:11,496          But I'm worried              that I'm a butter face.     710 00:32:11,562 --> 00:32:14,465       And if you don't know           what a butter face is,      711 00:32:14,532 --> 00:32:17,001  it's an ancient biblical term,              actually.            712 00:32:17,068 --> 00:32:18,569         (crowd laughing)         713 00:32:19,203 --> 00:32:21,272      It's in the scripture.               Jesus himself.          714 00:32:22,573 --> 00:32:25,710   He's like, "Yay, and her body            was tight...           715 00:32:27,478 --> 00:32:29,414         But her face... "        716 00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:30,915         (crowd laughing)         717 00:32:32,350 --> 00:32:34,052            (chuckling)           718 00:32:34,118 --> 00:32:35,286   But okay. So let me explain.   719 00:32:35,353 --> 00:32:38,056    So, this is why I'm worried          I'm a butter face.        720 00:32:38,122 --> 00:32:41,726   It happened just a month ago.  This summer, it was a hot night, 721 00:32:41,793 --> 00:32:43,461        I was walking home.            The streets of Toronto,     722 00:32:43,528 --> 00:32:45,596      the streets are empty.               I'm by myself,          723 00:32:45,663 --> 00:32:47,832   I got a cute little skirt on.       I'm feeling pretty cute     724 00:32:47,899 --> 00:32:50,034     walking down the street.         And this guy catcalls me     725 00:32:50,101 --> 00:32:51,502           from behind.              He's approaching on a bike    726 00:32:51,569 --> 00:32:53,938        and I can hear him           call out to me, he's going,   727 00:32:54,005 --> 00:32:55,306     "What's up, pretty baby?     728 00:32:55,373 --> 00:32:56,574    You're looking pretty cute             in that skirt.          729 00:32:56,641 --> 00:32:58,076      I like what you got on,                baby girl,            730 00:32:58,142 --> 00:32:59,510      you got some nice legs.     731 00:32:59,577 --> 00:33:01,279           Stick around,              talk to me for a while."     732 00:33:01,946 --> 00:33:04,782  And call me a crappy feminist,  733 00:33:04,849 --> 00:33:07,652       but I've been a woman            for less than a year.      734 00:33:08,753 --> 00:33:11,422     And it felt really nice.              It was so nice.         735 00:33:11,489 --> 00:33:13,091           I was like...                     (giggling)            736 00:33:13,157 --> 00:33:15,159   I shave my knees, he noticed.  737 00:33:15,226 --> 00:33:16,761         (crowd laughing)         738 00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:18,663            (giggling)            739 00:33:20,665 --> 00:33:23,101 So, naturally, I was enthralled. 740 00:33:23,167 --> 00:33:25,970    I was so enthusiastic that     when this guy pulled up to me,  741 00:33:26,037 --> 00:33:28,239  it just sort of came out of me.    I just shrieked it at him.    742 00:33:28,306 --> 00:33:29,674       I was like, "Thanks!"      743 00:33:29,741 --> 00:33:32,310  And my voice cracked like that. 744 00:33:32,377 --> 00:33:34,045     I sounded like Seinfeld.                I was like,           745 00:33:34,112 --> 00:33:36,447      "This guy, he's rolling           around on his bike."       746 00:33:36,514 --> 00:33:38,016         (crowd laughing)         747 00:33:39,984 --> 00:33:41,886  "This guy's biking around town. 748 00:33:41,953 --> 00:33:43,354          What's the deal            with the dude on the bike?    749 00:33:43,421 --> 00:33:46,424     I got knees. You want me           to hop in the front?       750 00:33:46,491 --> 00:33:48,359   You got a basket, let's go!"   751 00:33:48,426 --> 00:33:50,795         (crowd laughing)         752 00:33:52,163 --> 00:33:53,765         (crowd cheering)         753 00:33:56,601 --> 00:34:00,538        And so, naturally,          upon seeing my face up close   754 00:34:00,605 --> 00:34:01,773       and hearing my voice.      755 00:34:01,839 --> 00:34:04,308        And computing that             against what he thought     756 00:34:04,375 --> 00:34:05,777   I might look and sound like,   757 00:34:05,843 --> 00:34:09,013      this guy had a complete            mental malfunction.       758 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:10,681     His brain stopped working    759 00:34:10,748 --> 00:34:12,750 and he biked off into the night.           Just like...           760 00:34:12,817 --> 00:34:15,620            (screaming)           761 00:34:17,488 --> 00:34:20,625         And he got louder              as he biked away too.      762 00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:24,629     And so it sucked to have          something so validating     763 00:34:24,695 --> 00:34:26,230            ripped away                in the blink of an eye.     764 00:34:26,297 --> 00:34:28,699      Just like that. It was         so humiliating. It sucked.    765 00:34:28,766 --> 00:34:30,068      And it took me a while                 to recover.           766 00:34:30,134 --> 00:34:32,036     It took me a full month.      But I'm starting to process it  767 00:34:32,103 --> 00:34:33,438  now and the comedian that I am, 768 00:34:33,504 --> 00:34:36,174      I feel like this is how            I come out on top.        769 00:34:36,240 --> 00:34:37,842  Two reasons. This is how I win. 770 00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:43,181   Number one. That guy is never   catcalling anybody ever again.  771 00:34:43,247 --> 00:34:44,816         (crowd laughing)         772 00:34:45,550 --> 00:34:46,851             You know?            773 00:34:46,918 --> 00:34:48,719        (crowd applauding)        774 00:34:49,587 --> 00:34:51,656      So, you know how I said         I was the worst feminist?    775 00:34:51,722 --> 00:34:53,858     I'm kind of the best one,        in sort of this backdoor,    776 00:34:53,925 --> 00:34:55,293    perfect circle kind of way.   777 00:34:55,359 --> 00:34:56,761      You're welcome, ladies.     778 00:34:56,828 --> 00:34:58,930  This face is out on the street           protecting you.         779 00:34:58,996 --> 00:35:00,965     Hit on this, I dare you!     780 00:35:01,399 --> 00:35:03,367     I will break your brain!     781 00:35:05,903 --> 00:35:07,472   And secondly, I love the idea  782 00:35:07,538 --> 00:35:08,873   that I've become the villain   783 00:35:08,940 --> 00:35:10,975      in this straight dude's               horror story.          784 00:35:11,042 --> 00:35:12,610       You know what I mean?            That he's gonna like,      785 00:35:12,677 --> 00:35:14,078        gather his friends               around a campfire.        786 00:35:14,145 --> 00:35:17,248      Be like, "Legend has it       that in the dark of night...   787 00:35:18,449 --> 00:35:21,819     On the streets of Queen,      in Toronto, there roams this... 788 00:35:21,886 --> 00:35:25,156       androgynous Axle Rose             lookin' person..."        789 00:35:25,223 --> 00:35:26,624         (crowd laughing)         790 00:35:26,691 --> 00:35:29,460     "With the smoothest knees            you've ever seen.        791 00:35:30,895 --> 00:35:33,431     And if you get too close        and look her in the face...   792 00:35:35,066 --> 00:35:37,268      You're gay! You're gay!     793 00:35:37,335 --> 00:35:40,238     But only from the front.      You'd still hit it from behind. 794 00:35:40,304 --> 00:35:43,141       It's a very confusing           sexual space to be in.      795 00:35:44,041 --> 00:35:46,544    And now you have this weird       fetish for Seinfeld too.     796 00:35:46,611 --> 00:35:48,379     Every time the theme song        comes on, you're like...     797 00:35:48,446 --> 00:35:51,249   I'm so aroused, I don't know        what to do with myself.     798 00:35:51,315 --> 00:35:52,717        "What's going on?!"       799 00:35:52,783 --> 00:35:54,252     Thank you guys very much.    800 00:35:54,318 --> 00:35:56,821        My name is Al Val.             I really appreciate it.     801 00:35:56,888 --> 00:35:58,556   (crowd cheering, applauding)   802 00:35:58,623 --> 00:36:00,491          (upbeat music)          803 00:36:10,234 --> 00:36:12,069           (exclaiming)           804 00:36:12,136 --> 00:36:13,538          - This is good.         805 00:36:13,604 --> 00:36:15,206       This is a good show.       806 00:36:20,144 --> 00:36:24,715   This comedian stars in a show       based on his real life.     807 00:36:24,782 --> 00:36:27,218       It's about a comedian             who stars in a show       808 00:36:27,285 --> 00:36:29,353      based on his real life.     809 00:36:29,420 --> 00:36:33,624          Please welcome,                 Paul Rabliauskas!        810 00:36:33,691 --> 00:36:35,793   (crowd cheering, applauding)   811 00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:46,037   Yo! How you doing Montreal?!           Make some noise!         812 00:36:46,103 --> 00:36:48,172         (crowd cheering)         813 00:36:49,907 --> 00:36:51,709     I'm not gonna lie to you,                Montreal,            814 00:36:51,776 --> 00:36:53,311     this is the biggest show             I've ever been on        815 00:36:53,377 --> 00:36:55,246     in my whole career, man.     816 00:36:55,313 --> 00:36:57,215   (crowd cheering, applauding)   817 00:36:58,983 --> 00:37:00,918     It's kinda funny, though,            'cause backstage,        818 00:37:00,985 --> 00:37:03,888   half of the comedians didn't      even know I was a comedian.   819 00:37:04,822 --> 00:37:07,358        Jo Koy is my hero.           He looked at me backstage.    820 00:37:07,425 --> 00:37:09,560   He went to the stage manager           and I heard him.         821 00:37:09,627 --> 00:37:11,796        He goes, "Yo, man.               That security guard       822 00:37:11,862 --> 00:37:13,264    just ate three sandwiches."   823 00:37:13,331 --> 00:37:14,665         (crowd laughing)         824 00:37:15,733 --> 00:37:17,535     I didn't want to tell him          about the sandwiches       825 00:37:17,602 --> 00:37:19,870 in my backpack either, Montreal. 826 00:37:19,937 --> 00:37:21,939  I'm gonna keep that to myself.  827 00:37:22,673 --> 00:37:24,809    It's beautiful to be here.       I come from a small reserve   828 00:37:24,875 --> 00:37:26,911     in Manitoba, Poplar River           First Nations, man.       829 00:37:26,978 --> 00:37:28,779           In Manitoba.              It's an isolated community.   830 00:37:28,846 --> 00:37:30,248            It's crazy.           831 00:37:30,314 --> 00:37:32,817         (crowd cheering)         832 00:37:32,883 --> 00:37:36,120      Like, you can only take        an airplane to come see us.   833 00:37:36,187 --> 00:37:38,589   There's no roads. And we had        something scary happen.     834 00:37:38,656 --> 00:37:40,825       Our barge that brings              in all the food,         835 00:37:40,891 --> 00:37:43,594         it caught on fire         at the beginning of the summer. 836 00:37:43,661 --> 00:37:45,896           And my chief,             she's really smart, though.   837 00:37:45,963 --> 00:37:48,733          She's issued a                 state of emergency.       838 00:37:48,799 --> 00:37:50,268   Government didn't do nothing.  839 00:37:50,334 --> 00:37:53,204       So her next move was,         she came over to my house.    840 00:37:53,271 --> 00:37:54,505         She came inside,                    she's like,           841 00:37:54,572 --> 00:37:56,607       "Paul, you have to go                for a while."          842 00:37:56,674 --> 00:37:57,942         (crowd laughing)         843 00:37:58,009 --> 00:37:59,610            (laughing)            844 00:38:05,283 --> 00:38:07,084        And you know what?            That was six months ago.     845 00:38:07,151 --> 00:38:08,386        I haven't been home                and guess what?         846 00:38:08,452 --> 00:38:09,687      Everything's okay now.      847 00:38:09,754 --> 00:38:11,789         (crowd laughing)         848 00:38:12,189 --> 00:38:15,026     In fact, we have way more           food than we need!        849 00:38:16,060 --> 00:38:17,895       My chief is amazing.             Like, I'm back home,       850 00:38:17,962 --> 00:38:20,298 I still work in the band office.       I still work at home.      851 00:38:20,364 --> 00:38:22,199      I had to take time off                 and I said,           852 00:38:22,266 --> 00:38:24,135    "Yo, Chief, I'm gonna need            three weeks off.         853 00:38:24,201 --> 00:38:26,270  I'm going to Just For Laughs."  854 00:38:26,337 --> 00:38:27,738   And she goes, "You know what?  855 00:38:27,805 --> 00:38:29,240    We're really proud of you."   856 00:38:29,307 --> 00:38:31,175       And then she leans in                and she goes,          857 00:38:31,242 --> 00:38:32,843   "How are they gonna get ya?"   858 00:38:34,045 --> 00:38:36,614            I was like,                 "I don't understand."      859 00:38:36,681 --> 00:38:38,649           And she goes,            "How are they gonna get ya?"   860 00:38:38,716 --> 00:38:40,951      "Is it gonna be the guy         falling off the ladder?"     861 00:38:41,018 --> 00:38:42,153     And I'm like, she thinks                 I'm going            862 00:38:42,219 --> 00:38:43,988     to Just For Laughs Gags,                right now.            863 00:38:45,956 --> 00:38:47,525      I needed the time off.                 I was like,           864 00:38:47,591 --> 00:38:49,126      yeah, yeah, the ladder.           It's the ladder one.       865 00:38:49,193 --> 00:38:51,395        I need three weeks.            Three weeks off, Chief.     866 00:38:52,963 --> 00:38:54,365     That's what I need, man.     867 00:38:54,432 --> 00:38:57,368  It's fun. I come from Winnipeg.    Anybody here from Winnipeg?   868 00:38:57,435 --> 00:38:59,136            (screaming)                Okay, careful, careful.     869 00:38:59,203 --> 00:39:01,906            (laughing)                   Be careful of them.       870 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:04,175        They definitely got                knives on them.         871 00:39:04,241 --> 00:39:06,177    I can tell by that scream.    872 00:39:06,243 --> 00:39:09,347       They're in this area,            Montreal, be careful.      873 00:39:09,413 --> 00:39:11,248   Winnipeg, it's a rough city,                 man.               874 00:39:11,315 --> 00:39:12,950       You know what I mean?                 It's rough.           875 00:39:13,017 --> 00:39:15,186       It is. I lived there                for a long time         876 00:39:15,252 --> 00:39:16,454    but I moved away to my Rez.   877 00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:18,456     I was there for one day.     878 00:39:18,522 --> 00:39:20,624   I was gonna get out of my car  879 00:39:20,691 --> 00:39:22,593     but there was just a man         walking by with a stick.     880 00:39:22,660 --> 00:39:25,363         That's Winnipeg.             You wait 'til it's safe.     881 00:39:25,429 --> 00:39:27,465       But I got embarrassed         because it was a blind guy,   882 00:39:27,531 --> 00:39:28,632         just walking by.         883 00:39:28,699 --> 00:39:30,501         (crowd laughing)         884 00:39:30,568 --> 00:39:32,336      I still didn't get out.        I don't want to get robbed    885 00:39:32,403 --> 00:39:34,605          by a blind guy.              This is Winnipeg, man!      886 00:39:36,907 --> 00:39:39,443   I love white people. Like...   887 00:39:39,510 --> 00:39:41,178        I'm not a smart guy             but I know big words       888 00:39:41,245 --> 00:39:42,546      to keep you guys safe.      889 00:39:43,814 --> 00:39:45,416       Like if white people              were uncomfortable,       890 00:39:45,483 --> 00:39:47,151          I just say all                the big words I know.      891 00:39:47,852 --> 00:39:49,553     I know lots of big words.    892 00:39:49,620 --> 00:39:51,889         Um, ramification.        893 00:39:51,956 --> 00:39:53,290         (crowd laughing)         894 00:39:54,592 --> 00:39:56,827          Photosynthesis.         895 00:39:56,894 --> 00:39:57,962               Mmm.               896 00:39:58,763 --> 00:39:59,964               Mmm.               897 00:40:01,932 --> 00:40:03,534   I thought I had a third one.                 Nope.              898 00:40:03,601 --> 00:40:05,336         (crowd laughing)         899 00:40:06,670 --> 00:40:09,006         I'm telling you.                What white words--        900 00:40:09,073 --> 00:40:10,341         I mean big words.        901 00:40:11,509 --> 00:40:14,145   They help you when you're in       a jam with white people.     902 00:40:14,211 --> 00:40:16,580    I was in Winnipeg and I got        harassed by the police.     903 00:40:16,647 --> 00:40:18,182        Believe it or not.        904 00:40:19,116 --> 00:40:20,351         And it was crazy.                I was walking by.        905 00:40:20,418 --> 00:40:21,819         And I don't want              to mess with the police     906 00:40:21,886 --> 00:40:22,920    'cause I'm scared of them.    907 00:40:22,987 --> 00:40:24,255      I'm terrified of them.      908 00:40:24,321 --> 00:40:26,390  And I'm walking by and I don't       want to mess with them.     909 00:40:26,457 --> 00:40:28,459      And the police officer,             he pulls up to me        910 00:40:28,526 --> 00:40:29,560        while I'm walking.                 And I'm like...         911 00:40:29,627 --> 00:40:30,861     I know you don't believe            this story already,       912 00:40:30,928 --> 00:40:33,197       'cause I was walking.      But I was walking to A&W though. 913 00:40:33,264 --> 00:40:34,532          I was walking.          914 00:40:35,833 --> 00:40:37,768      And the police officer          pulls over and he goes--     915 00:40:37,835 --> 00:40:39,236    First thing, he rolls down         his window, he's like,      916 00:40:39,303 --> 00:40:41,338       "Can you pull over?"        And instinctly, I wasn't trying 917 00:40:41,405 --> 00:40:42,640     to mess with him, I said,              "I'm walking,          918 00:40:42,706 --> 00:40:44,275         I don't know how                to pull over, man."       919 00:40:46,477 --> 00:40:48,913       He got mad. He goes,               "Yo! Smarten up.         920 00:40:48,979 --> 00:40:51,816   I got questions!" I froze up.  921 00:40:51,882 --> 00:40:53,117     He told me, "Smarten up."    922 00:40:53,184 --> 00:40:56,153    I said, "I don't even know       how to be smart, officer."    923 00:40:56,220 --> 00:40:59,824  And then I said, "I understand      ramifications of things."    924 00:40:59,890 --> 00:41:01,926         (crowd laughing)         925 00:41:03,894 --> 00:41:06,363  And this cop, he had the nerve     to look at me and he goes,    926 00:41:06,430 --> 00:41:09,066    "Yo. Down the block there,         there was an apartment      927 00:41:09,133 --> 00:41:11,535 two stories up. Somebody climbed       up and stole a bike.       928 00:41:11,602 --> 00:41:13,204     You fit the description."    929 00:41:15,406 --> 00:41:17,508         (crowd laughing)         930 00:41:18,976 --> 00:41:22,046     I was like, "Sir, I don't      even fit my pants right now."  931 00:41:22,112 --> 00:41:24,048         (crowd laughing)         932 00:41:24,114 --> 00:41:26,684        "Look up fat people            and parcour on YouTube.     933 00:41:26,750 --> 00:41:28,385  You're gonna get nothing, sir." 934 00:41:29,987 --> 00:41:31,722      That's not what I said,        'cause I'm scared of cops.    935 00:41:31,789 --> 00:41:33,791     Do you know what I said?         I said, "Photosynthesis!"    936 00:41:33,858 --> 00:41:34,859          and I ran away.         937 00:41:34,925 --> 00:41:36,927        I ran outta there!        938 00:41:36,994 --> 00:41:37,995   (crowd laughing, applauding)   939 00:41:38,062 --> 00:41:39,396               Woo!               940 00:41:42,366 --> 00:41:44,001    Montreal, I gotta go soon.    941 00:41:44,568 --> 00:41:46,804 It's not because I'm almost done  it's because my stomach hurts.  942 00:41:46,871 --> 00:41:48,572        I'm not gonna lie.                   (laughing)            943 00:41:50,174 --> 00:41:52,810   My people are a gassy people.         I'm not gonna lie.        944 00:41:53,477 --> 00:41:55,913     I've been holding my fart         for the last two jokes.     945 00:41:57,848 --> 00:41:59,683          Yeah. This lady             is laughing the hardest.     946 00:41:59,750 --> 00:42:02,086   I'm like, "You were in danger      that whole time, ma'am."     947 00:42:04,321 --> 00:42:07,024     You need to stop laughing        and find an escape route.    948 00:42:08,392 --> 00:42:09,827         Anyway, my name's                Paul Rabliauskas.        949 00:42:09,894 --> 00:42:13,197     Montreal, thank you guys          so much for having me.      950 00:42:13,264 --> 00:42:14,532    You all have a good night.    951 00:42:14,598 --> 00:42:16,700   (crowd cheering, applauding)   952 00:42:16,767 --> 00:42:18,802          (upbeat music)          953 00:42:19,537 --> 00:42:20,838        - That was amazing.       954 00:42:21,739 --> 00:42:23,274               Paul.              955 00:42:24,975 --> 00:42:26,243         Paul, Paul, Paul.        956 00:42:26,310 --> 00:42:29,346        I just want to say,               Paul crushed it.         957 00:42:29,413 --> 00:42:31,248         That was amazing.                Paul Rabliauskas.        958 00:42:31,315 --> 00:42:33,384   (crowd cheering, applauding)   959 00:42:33,450 --> 00:42:35,819  Well, that's our show tonight.          Did you have fun?        960 00:42:35,886 --> 00:42:37,454         (crowd cheering)                 I love you guys.         961 00:42:37,521 --> 00:42:39,590  Thank you so much. Good night.  962 00:42:39,657 --> 00:42:41,592   (crowd cheering, applauding)   963 00:42:43,761 --> 00:42:45,696          (upbeat music)          964 00:42:46,664 --> 00:42:48,065            Thank you.            965 00:43:00,811 --> 00:43:03,180          (upbeat music)          966 00:43:03,247 --> 00:43:05,683        Subtitling: difuze