1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:45,359 --> 00:00:48,640 "I want to make love," he said. 4 00:00:48,719 --> 00:00:52,840 "But first I want to know how you feel." 5 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:10,120 I might be able to cope with it, but I'd hate that life. 6 00:01:12,719 --> 00:01:18,799 {\an8}A HAPPY MAN 7 00:02:02,359 --> 00:02:05,640 Ť , yes! Nosiť , very good! 8 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,080 - Okuliare. - Yes, excellent! 9 00:02:13,159 --> 00:02:16,360 - You can read Slovak fine. - I can't read that well. 10 00:02:16,439 --> 00:02:21,000 Yes, you do. You're best at Swedish, but you can do it in Slovak. 11 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:24,360 Fruits and vegetables cost one thousand? 12 00:02:25,439 --> 00:02:29,159 You could buy so many Pokemón cards for that! 13 00:02:37,039 --> 00:02:39,280 Mommy! What happened? 14 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:40,360 Show me. 15 00:02:40,439 --> 00:02:42,199 What happened? 16 00:02:48,479 --> 00:02:50,360 Enough! 17 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:02,599 Bye! 18 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,800 - Is he buckled up? - Yep. 19 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:23,840 What's that truck? 20 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:28,159 - Some kind of a tank truck. - I'd say it's a sewer-cleaner. 21 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:32,439 Come on sweetheart. Can you unbuckle yourself? You can't? 22 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:35,120 - Come. - Mommy, are we gonna run-run? 23 00:03:35,199 --> 00:03:37,280 Yeah, we’re gonna run-run. 24 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:39,639 - Bye, Kubo. - Say bye to daddy. 25 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:42,080 Bye! And you're off! 26 00:03:44,159 --> 00:03:45,879 When's your shift? 27 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,639 My shift? Saturday. 28 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,680 Bye, honey. 29 00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:17,360 I stopped worrying that I somehow had to meet or fulfil that feminine role, 30 00:05:17,439 --> 00:05:22,199 which I had done my entire life. I am a "he" to colleagues, clients, 31 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:25,000 all of my friends, neighbours, their children. 32 00:05:25,079 --> 00:05:27,480 I have a passport and now I'm Marvin. 33 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:38,680 I work as a graphic designer, as an art director. 34 00:05:38,759 --> 00:05:40,560 A writer by night. 35 00:05:41,319 --> 00:05:43,079 Hi! 36 00:05:43,879 --> 00:05:46,160 - I'm okay. Coffee? - Are you okay? 37 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:50,240 - You're having coffee again? - Yeah, I'll bring some. 38 00:05:50,319 --> 00:05:52,519 - Hi. - I haven't had the time to get coffee. 39 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:00,800 It's a flood! 40 00:06:01,519 --> 00:06:03,639 A coffee flood. 41 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:08,360 - Did you finally manage to do it? - Yes, but we didn't use... 42 00:06:08,439 --> 00:06:10,639 If we can find it. 43 00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:13,800 "Where was I supposed to go?" 44 00:06:14,319 --> 00:06:15,519 So... 45 00:06:25,079 --> 00:06:30,600 I've been married to Marvin since 2007. 46 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:37,199 There has been some change in Marvin's appearance. 47 00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:41,120 Different clothes, different hairstyle, and so on. 48 00:06:41,199 --> 00:06:47,800 So far, it's good. To me, my relationship with Marvin is what really matters. 49 00:06:48,439 --> 00:06:53,639 We're a good match and fit well. We enjoy being together. 50 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:58,279 After all, a part of our relationship 51 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:02,279 has always been about solving problems together. 52 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:07,600 Besides, there isn't much to do about it at this moment, 53 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:11,480 so I try to be rational. 54 00:07:19,079 --> 00:07:21,480 I have to prove that I'm manly enough. 55 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:26,160 That means I shouldn't like cooking, and I shouldn't be washing those socks, 56 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:31,040 someone else should do that. I should be mowing the lawn and chopping wood. 57 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:33,959 Because I have to prove I'm a man. 58 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:39,839 And when you actually are a man who dislikes cutting wood likes cooking, 59 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:42,720 everyone is like: "Wow, you like cooking? Great!" 60 00:07:46,519 --> 00:07:50,160 My therapist would laugh that I am admitting it, but it's true. 61 00:07:51,879 --> 00:07:54,240 I have a great need to be useful. 62 00:07:54,319 --> 00:07:56,279 And then, 63 00:07:57,079 --> 00:08:01,680 while being useful, I want to have enough time to do the things I like. 64 00:08:01,759 --> 00:08:05,399 And if you manage to find the balance between those two, great. 65 00:08:07,759 --> 00:08:09,279 I like to write. 66 00:08:09,839 --> 00:08:12,279 I try to like my characters. 67 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:15,720 Sometimes, it doesn't work. Then I know it won't be good. 68 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:18,160 I have to change it, to start liking them. 69 00:08:18,879 --> 00:08:20,519 And... 70 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:27,639 I know that the book is good when I miss the characters. 71 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,799 I can shut out everything during that activity. 72 00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:37,200 I'm not thinking about anything, only about what I'm writing or editing. 73 00:08:37,279 --> 00:08:40,759 And it's like Zen meditation. 74 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:45,240 You completely clear your head and focus only on that fictitious world, 75 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:49,799 the one you create for yourself, your ideal world. That's total freedom. 76 00:08:49,879 --> 00:08:51,759 That's what I like. That's great. 77 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,240 He was so warm. 78 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:20,639 Cocooned in the softest of blankets, gentle hands soothing him, 79 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:25,799 touching his chest, stomach and thighs, enveloping him. 80 00:09:25,879 --> 00:09:29,279 So good, so safe. 81 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:32,000 Dark, but safe. 82 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,759 He was unseen, unjudged. 83 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:40,559 He could stay floating there without ever being required to do anything else. 84 00:09:40,639 --> 00:09:43,639 Just let the warmth stay. 85 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:58,240 I started writing as a woman, and it never worked. 86 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:04,159 Recently, I found the writing I did in my early twenties. 87 00:10:06,159 --> 00:10:10,879 It was so weird. Extremely weird. 88 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:14,000 The female character was so unwomanly. 89 00:10:40,799 --> 00:10:43,320 I work as a psychiatrist in Sweden. 90 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:51,440 Once you do medicine, it's more or less for life. 91 00:10:51,519 --> 00:10:57,799 I can't say that I am a genius in my field. 92 00:10:57,879 --> 00:11:00,159 I'm a normal doctor. 93 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:10,080 Sometimes there is an alarm. An aggressive patient. 94 00:11:10,159 --> 00:11:12,639 So we have an alarm system here. 95 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,679 We have these buttons so that nothing happens to anyone. 96 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:20,679 And I'm the boss, after all, so I should be organizing it. 97 00:11:26,399 --> 00:11:29,639 One patient sent me one postcard every month. 98 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:34,080 Saying things like: I'm doing well, having three beers a day 99 00:11:34,159 --> 00:11:36,919 and I take three pills with them. 100 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,960 And I am like: "Cool." 101 00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:42,519 And then he died a year later. 102 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:44,279 He drank himself to death. 103 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:45,279 Poor guy. 104 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:02,960 We go up here. 105 00:12:04,759 --> 00:12:07,799 Here are my rocks from Gotland, fossils. 106 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:15,440 And that's from Some Like It Hot, a picture of Jack Lemmon from set. 107 00:12:15,519 --> 00:12:16,919 He was dressed like that. 108 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:22,240 This is where Kubík is supposed to sleep, but he doesn't. 109 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,639 So now we put random stuff in there. 110 00:12:25,639 --> 00:12:29,919 This used to be just Nikol's room, but they decided to sleep together. 111 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:34,679 It's a problem for us. They won't fall asleep in the evening. 112 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:42,639 Every evening and morning, it's all four of us in the bathroom. 113 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,759 And total lack of privacy, by the way. 114 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:51,360 I got this towel from Ivan with my name Marvin embroidered. 115 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:54,039 When I changed names, he had it made for me. 116 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:00,919 And this is my and Ivan's bedroom. We just bought a new bed. 117 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,240 Finally, I have storage space. 118 00:13:03,879 --> 00:13:07,960 You see this? His house. What's this that Krokan has here? 119 00:13:08,039 --> 00:13:11,200 - He ate it. - He ate ice cream. 120 00:13:11,279 --> 00:13:14,080 What did he eat? Ice-cream. He ate an ice-cream. 121 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,559 And then he flew away. 122 00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:25,399 The kids just want someone to be close to them, to support them. 123 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:29,679 That has nothing to do with the fact whether I'm a mother or a father. 124 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,240 - Because of game and birds. - Klára. 125 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:36,639 - That's great. - And a ladybug. 126 00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:59,879 I have my diagnosis set. 127 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:04,879 I have contacted an endocrinology clinic for hormonal treatment 128 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:10,799 and then I have requested a mastectomy surgery. 129 00:14:13,399 --> 00:14:15,799 Yeah, I was afraid to tell Ivan about it. 130 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:20,559 Worst case scenario is 131 00:14:20,639 --> 00:14:24,840 that he just won't be able to cope or manage being with me 132 00:14:26,519 --> 00:14:30,240 as soon as he starts to perceive me as a non-woman. 133 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:11,720 That was back in... 134 00:15:11,799 --> 00:15:15,720 Summer 2003? Yeah, I think so. 2002 or 2003. 135 00:15:15,799 --> 00:15:18,000 2003 in Banská Štiavnica. 136 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:22,799 All the way up by the little church, towards the end. 137 00:15:22,879 --> 00:15:26,039 - You wore a straw hat, and baggy pants. - I did. 138 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:30,679 I think you had this kind of bucket hat on your head. 139 00:15:30,759 --> 00:15:33,000 Yes, I did, well... 140 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:38,279 I don't know exactly, some shorts and sandals. 141 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:42,320 - Sandals and a bucket hat, yeah... - Yeah. 142 00:15:43,559 --> 00:15:44,480 Mommy! 143 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:47,360 Well... 144 00:15:48,919 --> 00:15:51,039 - That's Nikol? - Yeah, that's Nikol. 145 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:56,080 This is the real deal. 146 00:15:59,279 --> 00:16:02,440 So what happened next? What do you remember? 147 00:16:04,279 --> 00:16:06,519 Well... 148 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:13,840 When we moved in together in Brno, I was more or less sure 149 00:16:14,919 --> 00:16:17,480 that we'd stay together. 150 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:24,639 And then we decided to move abroad together, which was a big deal. 151 00:16:26,279 --> 00:16:31,200 The fact that Ivan was able to pick more or less any spot on the map of Europe 152 00:16:31,279 --> 00:16:32,639 and find work there, 153 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:34,960 that was a great help. 154 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,519 So we were discussing... 155 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:43,840 - Is she asleep? - Are you nuts? 156 00:16:47,159 --> 00:16:48,159 So? 157 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,320 We're talking about how we moved to Sweden. 158 00:16:51,399 --> 00:16:53,759 Yeah, how we moved. Yeah. 159 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,080 It was my idea. 160 00:16:56,159 --> 00:16:58,559 Marvin finished his studies, 161 00:16:58,639 --> 00:17:04,599 and there was no plan towards getting employed in Czech Republic. 162 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,680 I was already employed as a specialist at the time. 163 00:17:07,759 --> 00:17:11,000 I wanted to move to a different country 164 00:17:11,079 --> 00:17:14,599 where everything is new, where life would be easier. 165 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,960 To a liberal country, which is better to live in. 166 00:17:18,039 --> 00:17:23,039 We get more mature, we change, we evolve in some way, but I guess... 167 00:17:24,319 --> 00:17:27,559 It's a natural development, right? 168 00:17:31,279 --> 00:17:33,519 We're different than 15 years ago, 169 00:17:33,599 --> 00:17:36,200 but it has nothing to do with me being trans. 170 00:17:36,279 --> 00:17:38,359 I don't know how I'll feel one day. 171 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:42,359 I can't tell right now. And I guess it has to be the same for Ivan. 172 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:46,720 But I do remember one joke you made that was great. 173 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:52,119 I was afraid that one morning, you'd wake up next to a hairy stinker, 174 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:53,839 get scared and run away. 175 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,880 You told me you were afraid you'd wake up one day 176 00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:01,079 with half of your face drooping down like this. That was your fear. 177 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:03,839 That's quite real. 178 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,359 Yeah. 179 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:12,319 I am waiting, waiting, and waiting... 180 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:13,920 I am still waiting. 181 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,240 The only thing I need is certification from the doctor. 182 00:18:17,319 --> 00:18:22,839 I decided a long time ago, but still I have to wait. 183 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:29,480 The more I wait, the more I'm pissed off about not having that opportunity. 184 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:37,319 It’s like this: Fifty people have to see you fifty times. 185 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:40,200 Then the committee convenes and decides 186 00:18:40,279 --> 00:18:44,279 whether you are or you're not. And then they allow you, or they don't. 187 00:18:52,039 --> 00:18:54,920 See? A crab's shell. 188 00:18:56,319 --> 00:18:57,240 Yeah? 189 00:18:58,839 --> 00:19:01,240 That's his leg, yeah. 190 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,799 I know that it'll be over soon. 191 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,400 Yeah. Kubo, please, don't wallow in it. 192 00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:20,680 Please give it to me so I can finally move on with my life. 193 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,279 What? Are you cold? 194 00:19:27,319 --> 00:19:29,200 - Let me see. - It's not cold. 195 00:19:29,279 --> 00:19:30,960 - It isn't? - No. 196 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:19,519 - Why is this here? Do you want it? - No, put it in the fridge. 197 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:29,519 Going to bed? 198 00:22:11,839 --> 00:22:14,000 Majesty wishes every wizard, 199 00:22:14,079 --> 00:22:18,160 sorcerer, and even witch to come to the aid of their country. 200 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,480 Attendance is compulsory. It's... 201 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,359 What are you playing? 202 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:28,920 Is someone leaving? 203 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:34,920 Is someone leaving? 204 00:23:01,079 --> 00:23:04,440 Again? Again the spider? 205 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:14,839 And again. 206 00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:37,559 That was when he realized he was falling in love. 207 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:42,400 Through fear. Nothing pleasant about the emotion, that was for sure. 208 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:46,680 All he could comprehend of the emotion was dread. 209 00:23:46,759 --> 00:23:48,759 Of being left behind, 210 00:23:48,839 --> 00:23:52,960 not being loved back, of the other one getting hurt. 211 00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:24,359 My mom doesn't know. 212 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:29,759 Mom knows I will have the surgery, but she doesn't know when. 213 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,359 Why have you decided not to tell her? 214 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:44,440 Because my mom reacts 215 00:24:44,519 --> 00:24:46,559 extremely about this topic 216 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,759 because she does not agree with it. 217 00:24:48,839 --> 00:24:52,640 And despite her knowing for over a year, 218 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,759 she says I can't be trans, 219 00:24:54,839 --> 00:24:58,079 because she raised me. She doesn't believe I am trans. 220 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:02,319 So all the things I do related to my transition 221 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:09,200 are completely nonsensical and self-harming from her point of view. 222 00:25:09,279 --> 00:25:13,759 I am simply ruining the lives of my husband and the kids and our marriage. 223 00:25:49,599 --> 00:25:54,880 Hi Marvin, call me when you can. I want to know how it went. 224 00:25:56,599 --> 00:25:58,599 Hi, Soni. 225 00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:02,680 It is 23rd September 2019. 226 00:26:02,759 --> 00:26:04,559 Five in the afternoon. 227 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:05,799 And I am... 228 00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:10,039 Hmm, seven hours after my surgery. 229 00:26:10,799 --> 00:26:11,799 I am fine. 230 00:26:14,039 --> 00:26:15,119 It hurts, but... 231 00:26:16,039 --> 00:26:21,079 Like one percent of what you experience during childbirth. 232 00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:24,440 So anyways, I... 233 00:26:24,519 --> 00:26:28,240 This feeling is indescribable. 234 00:26:28,319 --> 00:26:29,240 It is... 235 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:32,839 It is I guess inexplicable. 236 00:26:34,319 --> 00:26:36,160 I was afraid I would not... 237 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:40,799 That I will not feel any relief, or that I will be confused or... 238 00:26:42,039 --> 00:26:44,079 And let me show you. 239 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,359 Wait, I will try to aim the camera 240 00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:52,079 correctly. 241 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:53,799 Here. 242 00:26:57,880 --> 00:26:59,279 Maybe you can see it. 243 00:27:01,079 --> 00:27:02,000 You know... 244 00:27:03,799 --> 00:27:06,759 I feel so very relieved! 245 00:27:06,839 --> 00:27:08,839 I feel unbelievably relieved. 246 00:27:09,799 --> 00:27:10,720 And... 247 00:27:12,839 --> 00:27:18,480 And the idea that I will never have to go through this again, 248 00:27:18,559 --> 00:27:20,279 that it is permanent... 249 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:23,359 That is... 250 00:27:25,039 --> 00:27:26,640 That is indescribable. 251 00:27:28,079 --> 00:27:30,359 Right now, I really feel completely... 252 00:27:32,759 --> 00:27:34,200 Completely amazing! 253 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:44,720 Do you have any expectations for what's to come? 254 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:53,039 The part of his body that's changing, 255 00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:55,720 we agreed in the past 256 00:27:55,799 --> 00:27:58,880 that I won't touch it anymore 257 00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:01,240 and that I won't... 258 00:28:01,319 --> 00:28:04,519 I will avoid it a little bit. 259 00:28:04,599 --> 00:28:08,720 I don't know what is expected of me. How should I feel? 260 00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:42,319 - Don't bite it. - Sure. 261 00:28:43,759 --> 00:28:45,480 Yes, that's right. 262 00:28:45,559 --> 00:28:48,759 Just like that. Then you take this, look. 263 00:28:49,759 --> 00:28:52,400 - You open it like this. - I want to open this. 264 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:56,400 See? You can make stars like this. 265 00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:02,079 No, here, so it's the same. 266 00:29:04,039 --> 00:29:06,960 - May I? - Like this? 267 00:29:10,799 --> 00:29:14,160 Daddy! 268 00:29:24,319 --> 00:29:27,359 Niki, do you want to ride a bike too? 269 00:29:40,519 --> 00:29:42,319 Fire, Kubo, fire! Nice. 270 00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:45,200 - What is it? - An ugly monster. Watch out! 271 00:29:45,279 --> 00:29:47,319 We’ll die here! 272 00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:49,880 No, we won't, Kubo! We have a lot of lives. 273 00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:54,240 - They’ll destroy our aircraft. - No, they won't. 274 00:29:54,319 --> 00:29:58,720 - A giant robot! - You are dramatizing it on purpose. 275 00:29:58,799 --> 00:29:59,920 He sure is. 276 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,079 - Do you want to drive, Kubo? - Yep. 277 00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:07,839 - They’ve surrounded us! - Damn it! Go! 278 00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:09,880 - You can do it! - Shoot! 279 00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:14,359 - Someone has to be there. - Just hit it straight! 280 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:16,240 Just hit it. Go! 281 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:33,359 I want to take testosterone. I look forward to the physical changes, 282 00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:39,039 to looking in the mirror and seeing the same me that I see in my head. 283 00:30:39,119 --> 00:30:42,039 The me that I see when I look inside myself. 284 00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,359 We're so close! 285 00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:52,400 Not really, Kubo. Our engine is destroyed. 286 00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,039 But don't you worry... 287 00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:13,160 - These are your sweatpants, right? - Yep. 288 00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:16,759 So put them away. 289 00:31:22,039 --> 00:31:25,559 - Yes? - I want to have pancakes. 290 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:28,000 - You want to have pancakes? - Yes. First. 291 00:31:28,079 --> 00:31:31,880 First? Not first, because you wouldn't eat the rice. 292 00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:33,160 I want... 293 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,200 I want to have pancakes. 294 00:31:35,279 --> 00:31:38,839 You have to eat some more rice and meat first, ok? 295 00:31:41,319 --> 00:31:43,720 There you go. Just like that. 296 00:31:43,799 --> 00:31:46,480 A piece of this and have some rice too. 297 00:31:46,559 --> 00:31:50,599 Daddy will eat the rest. There is just a tiny bit of meat there. 298 00:31:58,480 --> 00:31:59,720 All good, Kubi? 299 00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:05,759 When it comes to the things connected to motherhood: 300 00:32:05,839 --> 00:32:08,839 Birth, breastfeeding, pregnancy, all of that... 301 00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:15,000 I wanted children, that's why I did it. But the feeling itself back then was... 302 00:32:15,079 --> 00:32:17,079 I'm so happy to have my body back. 303 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:18,960 Here. 304 00:32:19,039 --> 00:32:23,279 I don't think that testosterone will immediately solve all my problems. 305 00:32:23,359 --> 00:32:26,000 Here, here, here... 306 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:29,559 Here! 307 00:32:35,559 --> 00:32:39,039 Hey, Soni, I'm low on battery. So just quickly. 308 00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:43,880 Well, I got the shot. 309 00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:45,799 My first one. 310 00:32:46,759 --> 00:32:48,640 The testosterone. 311 00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:52,960 I'm on my way to work. My butt hurts. 312 00:32:53,039 --> 00:32:58,319 I measured my biceps in the waiting room, in case I had an allergic reaction. 313 00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:00,039 So far it hasn't grown. 314 00:33:00,119 --> 00:33:04,440 Seems I'll have to start working out like a normal person. 315 00:33:04,519 --> 00:33:09,359 Now, I have to take care of myself, 316 00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:15,519 focus on my life, so that I am at peace, and the kids are ok, 317 00:33:17,559 --> 00:33:20,119 and carry on as usual. 318 00:33:37,359 --> 00:33:40,880 The whole society revolves around sex. 319 00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:44,720 All the stories, books, music, movies, 320 00:33:44,799 --> 00:33:49,200 clothes, even food, schools, and workplaces. 321 00:33:49,279 --> 00:33:52,759 Everything boils down to mating and procreation. 322 00:33:52,839 --> 00:33:55,200 Only we call it noble things 323 00:33:55,279 --> 00:33:58,680 like finding happiness, family comes first, 324 00:33:58,759 --> 00:34:02,000 save the children, romance, and shit. 325 00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:53,119 I don't know if Ivan is waiting to see 326 00:34:53,199 --> 00:34:56,440 how it will all work out, or if he really doesn't care. 327 00:34:56,519 --> 00:34:59,760 So far, he doesn't seem to care at all. 328 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:03,880 We put too much wood there. 329 00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,840 - Do you have coffee? - I have. Do you want some? 330 00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:08,920 - I do. - Do you also have tea? 331 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,400 - I don't. Do we have tea? - We don't. 332 00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:13,559 - We only have water. - Discrimination! 333 00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:18,480 Here you go, chief. Have some salad! 334 00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:28,760 Oh my God! It's burning! 335 00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:31,320 Mummy, it's wet! 336 00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:34,800 - Is it huge? - It's huge! 337 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,559 Now we have to wait until it burns down. 338 00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:41,840 Kubo, you get always mad. You see? Like this. 339 00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:44,039 - Is it already done? - Not yet. 340 00:35:44,119 --> 00:35:47,400 No! I'll burn that. It's my turn. 341 00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:48,920 Now it's burning. 342 00:35:49,559 --> 00:35:52,599 They didn't give me any beer, So I'm drinking water. 343 00:35:59,960 --> 00:36:03,239 What's the point, if there's no beer? 344 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:08,880 When I try to force him to express himself, 345 00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:12,559 it usually ends up with him saying he doesn't know. 346 00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:17,679 That so far, he doesn't mind and doesn't know if he ever will. 347 00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:19,000 Mommy, I am here. 348 00:36:19,079 --> 00:36:21,239 Hi Kubo. Are you going to jump? 349 00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:23,039 That's great. 350 00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:47,960 At work, I refer to Marvin as male. 351 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:50,360 But 352 00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:54,199 I haven't explained it to everyone in detail. 353 00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,360 That will come with time. 354 00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:06,519 Hi. 355 00:37:06,599 --> 00:37:11,360 Can you hear me? Great. I'm on my way home. 356 00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:14,239 Should I buy anything? 357 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:16,760 Sure, we have food. 358 00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:19,760 We have food. That's most important. 359 00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:23,039 {\an8}I was born Mary Patterson, 360 00:37:23,119 --> 00:37:25,840 {\an8}but then I married and took my husband's name, 361 00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:27,519 {\an8}so now I am Neil Patterson. 362 00:37:27,599 --> 00:37:31,719 {\an8}I said: "If God loves me he's got a funny way of showing that." 363 00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:34,880 - What? - He is holding only one ball. 364 00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:38,280 And? There is just one? 365 00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:40,599 He is running around with one ball. 366 00:37:40,679 --> 00:37:45,039 He says, "she wants me to break off", and has one ball. And two white ones. 367 00:37:45,119 --> 00:37:46,119 ... curving arse. 368 00:37:46,199 --> 00:37:48,920 Yes, she has got a nice arse, hasn't she? 369 00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:54,880 Yeah. The thing is, Rufus, old scout, 370 00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:56,679 you getting married and so... 371 00:37:56,760 --> 00:38:01,159 I can't control what he does or doesn't feel. 372 00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:04,760 It will work out somehow. 373 00:38:06,159 --> 00:38:11,079 Most of our friends have broken up, or will eventually. 374 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:32,599 Conflicted was not a correct enough word to describe it. 375 00:38:32,679 --> 00:38:35,760 I felt utterly overthrown. 376 00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:41,000 I was a helpless observer and everything I was supposed to have under control 377 00:38:41,079 --> 00:38:44,239 just rushed ahead into the unknown chaos 378 00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:47,440 dragging my banged-up body behind. 379 00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:05,559 I can tell that if I didn't make those changes, I would feel awful. 380 00:40:05,639 --> 00:40:11,280 It wouldn't be help anyone, I wouldn't save anyone with this "selfless act". 381 00:40:22,079 --> 00:40:27,239 Hey, Soni. Today is August 1, 2020. 382 00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:29,920 Ivan is building a fence at home, 383 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:32,880 the kids are crafting 384 00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:35,800 and I'm going drinking with Juraj. 385 00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:41,159 And this date is important. I had to shave for the first time. 386 00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:44,519 Not because I had a significant moustache, 387 00:40:44,599 --> 00:40:47,800 but the three hairs on my chin 388 00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:51,920 and the grey fuzz below my lip started to look ridiculous. 389 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:56,519 So I'm freshly shaved, and I'm going drinking with a friend. 390 00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:13,119 When giving a toast, 391 00:41:13,199 --> 00:41:16,840 look everyone in the eyes or you'll have the seven year itch. 392 00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:18,639 Well, it's too late for that. 393 00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:22,039 - Cheers. - Is it vodka? 394 00:41:23,559 --> 00:41:24,719 No. 395 00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:26,760 - Hey. - Cheers. 396 00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:28,559 On your good health. 397 00:41:28,639 --> 00:41:32,599 When you start taking testosterone, everyone warns you you'll stink, 398 00:41:32,679 --> 00:41:37,400 sweat and have horrendous acne. You'll receive all these threats. 399 00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:43,000 And yes, I have a couple of pimples but it's nothing terrible. 400 00:41:43,079 --> 00:41:46,280 I was afraid it would be worse. 401 00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:48,320 He started snoring. 402 00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:51,920 A little. I stopped and he started. 403 00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:57,719 If Marvin has major side effects, or what would be side effects to me, 404 00:41:57,800 --> 00:42:03,320 or the transformation 405 00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:06,280 is too big, 406 00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:10,960 or I feel physical, emotional discomfort, 407 00:42:11,039 --> 00:42:13,920 then we will have to talk about it, 408 00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:18,360 see if the process could be slowed down. 409 00:42:19,039 --> 00:42:21,880 In an ideal world, I would have been born a man. 410 00:42:23,039 --> 00:42:26,639 With all the physiological attributes that come with it. 411 00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:28,320 But... 412 00:42:29,639 --> 00:42:32,760 I don't know. I'm a realist in this sense. 413 00:42:33,599 --> 00:42:34,519 Like... 414 00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:41,000 Of course, I'll be happy to have a full-grown beard. That'll be cool. 415 00:42:41,079 --> 00:42:42,320 I'd like that. 416 00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:47,119 Can you imagine that in a year you could be sitting here with the bearded Marvin? 417 00:42:50,679 --> 00:42:54,199 I can't imagine my emotional reaction. 418 00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:56,840 I can't really define it. 419 00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:01,960 How should I come to terms with this, or if I shouldn't. 420 00:43:02,039 --> 00:43:03,639 Does it even matter? 421 00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:07,440 The moment I get the impression 422 00:43:07,519 --> 00:43:12,280 Ivan sees me as a compromise or someone unattractive, 423 00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:16,480 because he has to take care of the kids, I’ll break up with him. 424 00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:18,960 That's for sure. 425 00:43:19,039 --> 00:43:22,599 If I feel that someone is with me despite not wanting me, 426 00:43:22,679 --> 00:43:24,599 then I don't want to be with him. 427 00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:28,639 I don't think anyone would. 428 00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:35,079 You have people whose looks change because of age, weight, illness. 429 00:43:38,639 --> 00:43:42,760 We haven't discussed it recently. Maybe we should. I don't know. 430 00:44:20,199 --> 00:44:23,239 The tiny, crippled, exhausted creature 431 00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:26,199 that was kicking and screaming inside me now 432 00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:30,000 he was thrashing so bad he bruised my insides. 433 00:44:30,599 --> 00:44:34,719 Was that the hopeful, romcom loving idealist? 434 00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:38,840 I was certain I’d managed to smother him to death. 435 00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:44,199 Now he wanted out and he wanted me to hope. 436 00:45:04,559 --> 00:45:05,920 Well. 437 00:45:15,639 --> 00:45:18,400 When I talk with people 438 00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:23,039 about how the transition is going, 439 00:45:23,119 --> 00:45:26,719 everyone expects me to say 440 00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:30,280 that the biggest problem has to be our relationship. 441 00:45:31,159 --> 00:45:35,679 And to an extent, these expectations have had a knock-on effect on me. 442 00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:37,840 And I’m expecting it too. 443 00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:40,119 But... 444 00:45:42,159 --> 00:45:46,559 I don't think we have any bigger problems in our relationship 445 00:45:46,639 --> 00:45:49,519 than most of our friends or peers 446 00:45:49,599 --> 00:45:52,800 who have been together for fifteen or seventeen years. 447 00:45:53,519 --> 00:45:57,239 Our relationship is not just about this one thing. 448 00:45:58,239 --> 00:46:01,719 We have kids, a house, work. 449 00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:03,880 Things evolve. 450 00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:10,480 We deal with stuff we couldn't have imagined a couple of years ago. 451 00:46:10,559 --> 00:46:14,119 Things that were problems then, 452 00:46:14,199 --> 00:46:18,079 aren't problems now. 453 00:46:19,320 --> 00:46:22,199 You helped me a lot with my parents. 454 00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:26,079 From supporting me when I was down 455 00:46:26,159 --> 00:46:29,719 to taking over during their horrible phone calls. 456 00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:36,719 Let's go on a vacation without the kids. 457 00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:38,599 Yeah, we could do that. 458 00:46:38,679 --> 00:46:40,280 We talked about that. 459 00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:42,360 When Kubo is fifteen, 460 00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:44,800 we could go on a vacation without kids. 461 00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:47,639 if we trust them to some extent. 462 00:46:47,719 --> 00:46:51,480 Travel could be problematic. 463 00:46:51,559 --> 00:46:55,880 You have a different sex than in the passport. 464 00:46:55,960 --> 00:46:58,480 Some countries can be problematic. 465 00:46:58,559 --> 00:47:00,800 Some are already a problem. 466 00:47:00,880 --> 00:47:02,400 So we won't go to Iran. 467 00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:04,039 Would we ever? 468 00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:07,800 - Not anymore. - Not anymore. 469 00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:13,360 Some countries will always be problematic. 470 00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:24,039 Kubo, I'll heat up dinner from yesterday, OK? Look. 471 00:47:24,119 --> 00:47:25,760 - Is it a girl? - Okay? 472 00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:28,159 - No. - It's not a girl. 473 00:47:30,079 --> 00:47:33,280 Okay. I will heat it up for you, yeah? 474 00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:35,119 - No. - Yes. 475 00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:39,559 It's better. Now I can rule out a few characters. 476 00:47:39,639 --> 00:47:41,800 I think it's fifty-fifty. 477 00:47:43,239 --> 00:47:47,119 Hi Dad! How are you? 478 00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:52,559 I'm going to work. No more work from home. 479 00:47:52,639 --> 00:47:53,559 Okay. 480 00:47:55,599 --> 00:47:59,559 No lockdown, like there was in the spring. 481 00:47:59,639 --> 00:48:02,800 You haven't seen the kids for a year. 482 00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:05,880 - Yeah, I know. - Yeah. 483 00:48:05,960 --> 00:48:08,840 I know, it's hard. 484 00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:19,159 And how is Zdenka, dad? 485 00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:22,039 Or put her on the phone. 486 00:48:22,119 --> 00:48:24,840 - Marvin? - Hi Zdenka, can you hear me? 487 00:48:24,920 --> 00:48:27,559 - Yes! How are you? - Great. 488 00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:33,039 I'm getting so much love here now! 489 00:48:33,119 --> 00:48:37,199 When I come home, or I open the door, 490 00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:40,559 I am hugged by one kid, then the other, then the dog! 491 00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:44,440 I'm so loved, it's awesome. 492 00:48:44,519 --> 00:48:46,599 Does she have long hair? 493 00:48:46,679 --> 00:48:47,679 Yep! 494 00:48:47,760 --> 00:48:48,800 Okay. 495 00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:52,159 Yeah, I work, but I'm cutting it back. 496 00:48:52,239 --> 00:48:54,480 I have to reorganize my life. 497 00:48:54,559 --> 00:48:56,360 Rethink my life. 498 00:48:56,440 --> 00:48:58,840 Reevaluate my priorities. 499 00:48:59,559 --> 00:49:01,719 I'll take care of the kids. 500 00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:04,280 And write, too, of course. 501 00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:08,199 But I end up having less and less time for the kids. 502 00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:12,360 I always put it off for later. I can't do that anymore. 503 00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:14,639 They need me more, you know? 504 00:49:14,719 --> 00:49:16,599 You take testosterone, right? 505 00:49:16,679 --> 00:49:19,280 Yes, I am taking it. Since February. 506 00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:22,360 Once every twelve weeks I get a shot in my butt. 507 00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:24,920 - Oscar. - Oscar? Okay. 508 00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:29,199 But I'm okay. No worries, Zdenka. I am fine. 509 00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:30,519 - Yeah? - Yeah. 510 00:49:30,599 --> 00:49:33,480 Has your mom changed her views somehow? 511 00:49:33,559 --> 00:49:35,360 You know, mom... 512 00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:40,320 She's sad not to see the grandkids, 513 00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:43,719 so that has mellowed her stance towards me. 514 00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:49,280 She doesn't put me under as much pressure anymore. 515 00:49:57,599 --> 00:50:01,599 My parents were particular about the way we looked as children. 516 00:50:01,679 --> 00:50:05,360 That we were nicely dressed. This suits you, wear this. 517 00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:09,079 Let your hair down, put it up. Put on a skirt. 518 00:50:09,159 --> 00:50:12,000 I got that from my mom since I was ten years old. 519 00:50:12,079 --> 00:50:17,679 So "exercise, don't eat too much, you'll get fat", I know it since ten. 520 00:50:33,119 --> 00:50:34,159 Look. 521 00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:36,679 This one here is dotted and yellow 522 00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:40,320 and this one is striped and has a thin stalk, okay? 523 00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:42,880 This one isn't edible. And this one is. 524 00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:45,599 They're a bit different. 525 00:50:47,960 --> 00:50:50,320 Careful. Don't do it against fingers. 526 00:50:55,039 --> 00:50:59,679 Niki was saying how my appearance will change and that she's nervous about it, 527 00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:03,639 if I'll have a beard, and if it is going to look weird or not. 528 00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:07,679 For them, it starts to be an issue 529 00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:12,880 when someone at school, their friends or some stranger makes them feel 530 00:51:12,960 --> 00:51:17,079 that it's something weird. Then it becomes an issue for them. 531 00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:31,840 You're already hungry? 532 00:51:33,199 --> 00:51:36,280 - Eat, I'm not stopping you. - What? 533 00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:38,599 You just finished eating. 534 00:51:38,679 --> 00:51:41,519 - What did I finish eating? - A whole breakfast. 535 00:51:42,159 --> 00:51:44,320 Two hours ago. 536 00:51:45,800 --> 00:51:48,159 He's checking it on his app. 537 00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:50,679 - Almost three hours ago! - Eat. Whatever. 538 00:52:04,079 --> 00:52:07,559 We haven't been in Czechia for two and a half years. 539 00:52:11,960 --> 00:52:15,599 I am concerned about how it's going to be. 540 00:52:15,679 --> 00:52:17,880 How people will react. 541 00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:39,639 Where are they? Do they know we're coming? 542 00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:44,440 Shall we knock again? 543 00:52:44,519 --> 00:52:45,920 Knock, knock, knock. 544 00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:48,679 - Hi, Kubi. - Hi! 545 00:52:49,639 --> 00:52:53,840 You have a dinosaur? I also have one for you. 546 00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:55,360 Hi. 547 00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:58,800 Hi Marvin, finally! 548 00:52:58,880 --> 00:53:01,280 - Finally. - Hello. 549 00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:02,280 Hi. 550 00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:05,239 Mind the dog! 551 00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:07,679 Hello, Niki! 552 00:53:09,159 --> 00:53:11,119 - Hi, Daddy. - Hi. 553 00:53:11,199 --> 00:53:13,599 This is Väja. 554 00:53:13,679 --> 00:53:16,639 - Hi, Väja. - Finally. After two years! 555 00:53:16,719 --> 00:53:18,960 - Two? Three? - I've already closed it... 556 00:53:19,039 --> 00:53:22,800 Two and a half. Let's check. We can look at photos. 557 00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:25,960 Let's have a look at photos and we'll know. 558 00:53:28,480 --> 00:53:30,679 Wow, that's going to be great. 559 00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:33,800 We must have spent a hundred years in traffic. 560 00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:35,920 Did you take the highway? 561 00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:40,519 No. On our way back, we knew better. We needed to buy a second dragon. 562 00:53:40,599 --> 00:53:43,559 We only bought one and that was a big mistake. 563 00:53:43,639 --> 00:53:47,719 So we decided to buy a second one. 564 00:53:47,800 --> 00:53:50,719 - Do you use Waze? - No, I used Google Maps. 565 00:53:50,800 --> 00:53:53,039 Because Waze is the best. 566 00:53:53,119 --> 00:53:56,159 - Okay. - Shall we drink to Ivan? 567 00:53:56,239 --> 00:53:58,360 Yes, let's drink to Ivan. 568 00:53:58,440 --> 00:53:59,639 Ivan! 569 00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:01,119 Cheers. 570 00:54:01,199 --> 00:54:03,239 - Cheers. - Cheers. 571 00:54:03,320 --> 00:54:04,920 - Thank you. - Cheers. 572 00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:08,159 I just want to know if it is alive or good. 573 00:54:08,239 --> 00:54:10,400 Let me welcome you among us. 574 00:54:10,480 --> 00:54:11,400 Thank you! 575 00:54:13,480 --> 00:54:15,880 I'm not untouchable anymore. 576 00:54:17,679 --> 00:54:19,400 What's that? 577 00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:21,400 - On my shirt? - Yeah. 578 00:54:21,480 --> 00:54:23,480 My COVID joke. 579 00:54:24,519 --> 00:54:26,559 Give me some space. 580 00:54:29,239 --> 00:54:32,119 It's my personal "keep your distance" t-shirt. 581 00:54:33,599 --> 00:54:35,039 Good, right? 582 00:54:35,599 --> 00:54:37,960 Don't apologise. She's inside. 583 00:54:38,039 --> 00:54:41,039 - But it is too hot... - Cold will be better. 584 00:54:41,119 --> 00:54:42,559 Wait. 585 00:54:42,639 --> 00:54:43,800 Okay... 586 00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:46,320 - Fill your glass. - She has to have full. 587 00:54:46,400 --> 00:54:49,159 No, this is Kubo's water. 588 00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:51,559 - That's yours. - Cold water is the best. 589 00:54:51,639 --> 00:54:52,840 Jakob. 590 00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:55,639 - It will be ready in two hours. - Here. 591 00:54:55,719 --> 00:54:57,360 - All good? - I don't know. 592 00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:06,480 I hadn't seen Marvin in person until now. 593 00:55:06,559 --> 00:55:09,639 I saw him in pictures, with short hair. 594 00:55:09,719 --> 00:55:11,119 Yeah, but... 595 00:55:13,639 --> 00:55:15,000 I don't know. 596 00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:29,599 I'm a father and I am proud of that. 597 00:55:29,679 --> 00:55:31,159 Although... 598 00:55:31,239 --> 00:55:34,199 Unfortunately, I haven't been a full-time father. 599 00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:39,119 I was only really around the first seven years until we broke up. 600 00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:42,360 I moved away. 601 00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:46,719 I feel a certain debt 602 00:55:46,800 --> 00:55:49,400 that I haven't spent 603 00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:53,920 enough time with him or with her. 604 00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:03,280 She was very pretty as a child. A pretty girl, but... 605 00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:09,199 I think I accepted it with a level of mistrust, 606 00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:11,199 but not in a negative way. 607 00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:13,199 What is this? 608 00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:15,440 Well. Is it possible? 609 00:56:15,519 --> 00:56:18,880 Or not? So I just accepted it. 610 00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:23,199 It is what it is, and I can't do anything about it anyway. 611 00:56:23,280 --> 00:56:26,880 It's my daughter. Now son now. 612 00:56:28,519 --> 00:56:31,280 Our relationship is the same. 613 00:56:31,360 --> 00:56:33,719 It's always been like this. 614 00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:38,559 I'm happy to see how she's doing now. Or he. 615 00:56:38,639 --> 00:56:42,039 That he is more content, happier. 616 00:56:44,119 --> 00:56:47,280 It feels like we saw each other only yesterday. 617 00:56:48,360 --> 00:56:51,320 - It's been two and a half years. - Surely not. 618 00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:54,840 I do not think so. It is 2021. 619 00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:56,480 In autumn 2019. 620 00:56:56,559 --> 00:56:58,840 In autumn 2019 and it's autumn 2021. 621 00:56:58,920 --> 00:57:01,000 So it's been two years. 622 00:57:01,840 --> 00:57:07,360 My ex-wife, Marvin's mother, took it negatively. 623 00:57:07,440 --> 00:57:09,920 but we only spoke about it once. 624 00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:15,079 She asked me to intervene against it somehow and I refused. 625 00:57:16,039 --> 00:57:20,559 I never knew her growing up. 626 00:57:20,639 --> 00:57:22,920 So I had more of a distance. 627 00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:28,480 I can only talk about high-school age. 628 00:57:29,400 --> 00:57:34,280 And I always thought 629 00:57:34,360 --> 00:57:39,960 that she wasn't completely happy. 630 00:57:40,599 --> 00:57:45,480 I, myself, have a hard time telling my friend about the coming-out. 631 00:57:45,559 --> 00:57:48,960 I kind of think 632 00:57:49,039 --> 00:57:52,559 that explaining it to people who we aren't close with, 633 00:57:52,639 --> 00:57:56,840 that he is a man, a boy... 634 00:57:58,639 --> 00:58:01,199 I don't know. I don't feel like doing it. 635 00:58:02,679 --> 00:58:06,199 I think they wouldn't understand. 636 00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:08,920 And it's not necessary anyway. 637 00:58:16,639 --> 00:58:20,280 We used to sled down this hill as kids. 638 00:58:20,360 --> 00:58:23,039 All of this used to be a construction site. 639 00:58:23,119 --> 00:58:26,199 There weren't any paths, just slabs of concrete. 640 00:58:26,280 --> 00:58:30,920 I had dreams as a kid about construction sites. 641 00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:55,320 "It’s not my country either," I wanted to say. 642 00:58:55,400 --> 00:58:59,320 But that wasn’t true, not entirely. 643 00:58:59,400 --> 00:59:02,440 There would always be ties and memories. 644 00:59:02,519 --> 00:59:06,119 Like the sirloin beef I wanted to make him for dinner. 645 00:59:06,199 --> 00:59:09,199 There would always be the embarrassment and regrets. 646 00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:12,039 Like when you try to dig out a tree 647 00:59:12,119 --> 00:59:15,039 and never manage to get all the roots out. 648 00:59:24,960 --> 00:59:29,119 I was thinking we could go towards the hill top first. But whatever. 649 00:59:29,199 --> 00:59:32,239 I'll let you lead. We can just walk over here. 650 00:59:32,320 --> 00:59:35,360 Let's go around. Then we won't get too tired. 651 00:59:35,440 --> 00:59:41,239 I remember when we were teenagers, we used to climb over that fence. 652 00:59:41,320 --> 00:59:44,519 We used to make a fire and watch the fireworks there. 653 00:59:44,599 --> 00:59:46,159 Was that us? 654 00:59:47,599 --> 00:59:52,079 - You used to live with Ivan. - We were roommates, yeah. 655 00:59:52,159 --> 00:59:55,880 And Ivan was sort of 656 00:59:55,960 --> 00:59:59,599 an unbelievably positive person. 657 00:59:59,679 --> 01:00:04,159 He was a super cool guy and he never judged anyone. 658 01:00:04,239 --> 01:00:08,480 That was new for me. In my family, everyone was constantly judging. 659 01:00:11,119 --> 01:00:13,840 On one hand, he was a nice guy. 660 01:00:13,920 --> 01:00:17,719 I liked him very much. 661 01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:23,199 But I also felt like something was missing. 662 01:00:23,280 --> 01:00:28,599 He took it very seriously, he wanted you and was sure about it. 663 01:00:28,679 --> 01:00:32,920 Ivan was on a completely different level. Much more stable than me. 664 01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:36,960 I was just starting college. I hadn't even finished my bachelor's. 665 01:00:37,039 --> 01:00:42,400 Ivan was done with college, he had a job. 666 01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:46,400 Lived by himself, took care of himself, which was attractive to me. 667 01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:50,199 He wanted you. He was sure about that. 668 01:00:50,280 --> 01:00:54,800 Not that you were the only one for him, he was more like: 669 01:00:54,880 --> 01:01:00,280 "She is a good woman, a great one, and that's the one I want." 670 01:01:01,119 --> 01:01:04,159 I called you right after the psychotherapy. 671 01:01:04,239 --> 01:01:06,719 - I remember telling you. - Really? 672 01:01:06,800 --> 01:01:11,159 I left therapy, where I had talked about my doubts. 673 01:01:11,239 --> 01:01:14,960 I still didn't want to say the word trans aloud. 674 01:01:15,039 --> 01:01:16,559 And I called you after. 675 01:01:16,639 --> 01:01:21,599 I was walking through town, several kilometers on foot, 676 01:01:21,679 --> 01:01:24,320 and I told you: "Bára, I'm probably trans!" 677 01:01:25,079 --> 01:01:29,679 What made me really happy was that during the twenty-minute call, 678 01:01:29,760 --> 01:01:32,960 you went from "oh" to "It's gonna be ok!" 679 01:01:37,880 --> 01:01:42,679 I remember that deep down, I knew that it would be okay. 680 01:01:44,159 --> 01:01:46,960 You are searching for your true self. 681 01:01:47,039 --> 01:01:50,760 It's not some kind of game or phase. 682 01:01:51,639 --> 01:01:56,840 It's so great you are saying this. Because I hear exactly that a lot. 683 01:01:56,920 --> 01:02:00,440 Not that they say it's a phase, 684 01:02:01,840 --> 01:02:03,199 more like: 685 01:02:04,440 --> 01:02:07,400 "What's the goal here? What's your deal?" 686 01:02:09,360 --> 01:02:14,760 When someone is trans, then without doing anything, 687 01:02:15,880 --> 01:02:17,880 they become everybody's problem. 688 01:02:17,960 --> 01:02:21,480 When I go somewhere, I instantly create discomfort. 689 01:02:22,400 --> 01:02:24,719 - Instantly. - Suddenly you are different. 690 01:02:24,800 --> 01:02:27,519 - Because people... - No one wants to be awkward. 691 01:02:27,599 --> 01:02:32,079 It's an instinct. You need to define the person. Safe, dangerous. Woman, man. 692 01:02:32,159 --> 01:02:36,280 Most people feel the need to put a lable on someone new. 693 01:02:42,400 --> 01:02:46,599 A lot of people feel like that, including my mom. 694 01:02:46,679 --> 01:02:50,760 She thinks that how you look is connected to how you feel 695 01:02:50,840 --> 01:02:54,119 and that people who look bad cannot feel good. 696 01:02:55,599 --> 01:02:57,960 And only beautiful people can be happy. 697 01:02:58,039 --> 01:03:01,639 They're accepted and loved by everyone. The happy ones. 698 01:03:01,719 --> 01:03:05,119 I understand the good intention, but I still feel sorry 699 01:03:05,199 --> 01:03:09,719 that a person who is biologically closest to you, 700 01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:11,039 your mom, 701 01:03:11,119 --> 01:03:15,480 thinks how you look is more important 702 01:03:15,559 --> 01:03:18,400 than if you are in harmony with who you are. 703 01:03:21,159 --> 01:03:23,920 Yeah, here are your cookies. Bye, Bára. 704 01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:25,400 - See you soon. - Bye. 705 01:03:26,559 --> 01:03:27,960 - Thanks a lot. - You too. 706 01:03:28,039 --> 01:03:31,119 - See you the day after tomorrow. - On Thursday. 707 01:03:32,119 --> 01:03:34,519 - Bye. - Bye, hold the dog. 708 01:03:50,079 --> 01:03:53,239 I don't care what other people think. 709 01:03:53,320 --> 01:03:55,280 Whether I'm gay or not. 710 01:03:56,000 --> 01:04:00,320 It's a bigger issue for other people than it is for me. 711 01:04:01,239 --> 01:04:03,639 How I'm being perceived. 712 01:04:04,679 --> 01:04:10,719 It's as important to me as if they thought that I'm Italian. 713 01:04:10,800 --> 01:04:15,400 Well, I'm not, but I don't care. 714 01:05:06,320 --> 01:05:08,960 Väja, drop it, drop it. 715 01:05:09,039 --> 01:05:11,719 Wait. Wait. 716 01:05:16,400 --> 01:05:17,320 Hello. 717 01:05:18,800 --> 01:05:19,719 Väja. 718 01:05:20,800 --> 01:05:22,159 Väja. 719 01:05:22,239 --> 01:05:23,480 Väja, drop it. 720 01:05:23,559 --> 01:05:25,239 Väja! No! 721 01:05:25,320 --> 01:05:26,239 Jakob! 722 01:05:31,199 --> 01:05:35,639 So today we have on a very special guest. I’ve met a lot of cool people. 723 01:05:35,719 --> 01:05:39,119 Resulting from that and a few other events in my life, 724 01:05:39,199 --> 01:05:43,599 I got to work for an author I had never worked for before, Roe Horvat. 725 01:05:43,679 --> 01:05:47,039 Roe hired me and the first thing Roe said was, 726 01:05:47,119 --> 01:05:50,480 "I’m not sure if you’re going to want to do this book, 727 01:05:50,559 --> 01:05:54,719 There’s a lot of sex and my last narrator wasn’t quite down with that. 728 01:05:54,800 --> 01:05:58,679 A little bit, but not as much as where we’re going with this book." 729 01:05:58,760 --> 01:06:02,960 It was a little project that I for one, when Roe said that, I was like: 730 01:06:03,039 --> 01:06:06,920 "Come on, what is this, high school? What do you got?" 731 01:06:07,000 --> 01:06:08,840 But it went on from there... 732 01:06:08,920 --> 01:06:12,800 Without any more from me, I’ll switch over, we’ll do this live. 733 01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:16,480 Hello Roe, how are you? Welcome to John Solo’s Beer Brigade! 734 01:06:16,559 --> 01:06:19,320 I’m here. I hope I’m audible. 735 01:06:19,400 --> 01:06:21,119 Yep. We can hear you. 736 01:06:21,199 --> 01:06:26,320 Somebody commented they were surprised that you had a day job. 737 01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:30,719 And I actually know what you do and I know you make decent money at it. 738 01:06:30,800 --> 01:06:35,679 Have you considered writing full time? Is that on your agenda, or no? 739 01:06:36,599 --> 01:06:38,079 I gave my notice. 740 01:06:38,159 --> 01:06:42,119 Congratulations! So when you got into this style of writing, 741 01:06:42,199 --> 01:06:46,159 how many books did you write before you got to Dirty Mind ? 742 01:06:46,239 --> 01:06:49,480 Dirty Mind was actually my third book. 743 01:06:49,559 --> 01:06:51,920 But after that, 744 01:06:52,000 --> 01:06:56,239 I still published Vanilla Clouds , which is a classic gay romance. 745 01:06:57,000 --> 01:07:01,760 So, The Other Book was the first book that got published as erotica. 746 01:07:01,840 --> 01:07:07,440 And I did, my entire, think about it, and I think it was fifth or sixth book. 747 01:07:07,519 --> 01:07:10,920 - Yeah. - Not entirely sure. I think so. 748 01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:13,079 Yeah, but... 749 01:07:14,679 --> 01:07:18,239 Yeah, it was very liberating, actually. 750 01:07:18,320 --> 01:07:20,320 A lot of authors say: 751 01:07:20,400 --> 01:07:24,440 "I like to write a lot of sex, but it progresses the story line, 752 01:07:24,519 --> 01:07:26,199 the sex is the plot." 753 01:07:26,280 --> 01:07:32,159 To me, when I’ve seen that in the past, most of the time it was a fucking porn. 754 01:07:32,239 --> 01:07:36,599 And there’s nothing wrong with that. It's cool and fine. It is what it is. 755 01:07:36,679 --> 01:07:42,360 Some people are into that and pay me good money to read it, and it’s all good. 756 01:07:42,440 --> 01:07:47,000 You did something different in Adam Only. We’ve talked about this in private, 757 01:07:47,079 --> 01:07:49,880 but I’ve never seen an author do what you did. 758 01:07:49,960 --> 01:07:56,920 You actually progressed the plot with sex and with such a magical way. 759 01:07:57,000 --> 01:08:01,280 Your descriptions of sex... I bet you’ve had sex before. 760 01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:07,639 Incredible, dude! Good job! 761 01:08:07,719 --> 01:08:10,559 I’ve never read anything like it before or since. 762 01:08:10,639 --> 01:08:14,639 I’ve never read sex scenes like that in my life. It went over the top. 763 01:08:19,000 --> 01:08:22,439 Marvin, what inspires you when you're writing? 764 01:08:23,880 --> 01:08:27,119 I won't talk about my sex life on camera. 765 01:08:27,199 --> 01:08:28,720 No way. 766 01:09:30,840 --> 01:09:33,880 "I want to make love," he said. 767 01:09:33,960 --> 01:09:38,760 "But first I want to know how you feel." 768 01:09:38,840 --> 01:09:42,479 I closed my eyes, overwhelmed. 769 01:09:42,560 --> 01:09:46,720 When I opened them again, I let go. I was safe. 770 01:09:46,800 --> 01:09:50,720 Here in our little hiding place, I could be vulnerable. 771 01:09:50,800 --> 01:09:54,439 Scared. Hopeful." 772 01:09:54,520 --> 01:09:57,039 Inhale, exhale. 773 01:09:58,119 --> 01:10:01,720 "Grateful and alive..." 774 01:10:01,800 --> 01:10:04,439 His smile was blinding. 775 01:10:08,760 --> 01:10:12,960 We can eat there afterwB:GD(Yg-[^Y +uD~4V)/(]m#YԙYl7smGX΃+6j>)/1 qʀ\m opo6 Wp%&KojZm867f{N}rDk&>I^(<_'ؠ^C$uƬsd%9WsT{bYjY$!SxӗzĠr { *J rhUǾNmح"+z奤bԳ1}>ŒYz0{bG> W8K7BSI%4'ul=?l)NfT 9o8#H!rj[^l+$a /OWSL$"pHa-p{zhx~,B, u^_Tw후ϣV79J0/@ '@ҝzImɏ:ޏB8Rϩ˗GOa}a KѮX1nkZgu"4;J_iar~RLE~AgtǛ?aN>a]7{3|7f.An iͱu6 ޒַ=;e٪gy]Ik"P;[?dRepOqY2BMJIAyi2G.=\FE @Z64P9@FeƉYuGTCX1 q+wS:)>6 (ʃ'҈cU_z%Z3zq6=<:~\ 9[Y.ٸng}_7A8nOy~w{QV*dWv&H׾B_#R\Ys+ޓM.R]EchׄM_F71V M͌{X پ}hj$Wi;+q%J$:yiDҕ,V oq(,_U_CYH9, IV(ws8 &/ҏT[Z=5OXCf5a0, <[aĚ`llj@'s}RpKW8YaH~|@vZ#d)}׃nGj3Ύ^hW_WkdCr1{?p1V85; &>2htV}:K Arު ~!so\<*zG9Km/&*"RMY"SlT8GQxp&j$ PPu"@Y+)-xXu0)4rj􂭎a.koF/ҋ<5̈}8xE>݈ tyX.#lC?{zYW@4nu5[[ 5u XN3bXRx|(=BΊ ")*#78TƋ)-y+0!V \l3ސ1Oăzq2%g<"&e2 :%caڒiͥ _dn 7!9~sP0"^Ϟzl-n:B:opB 6r2楺&68;7?ma+E=)Z,8RZ}!`$~` /rUiaQ?z1d9WekzFks; Tq1: or2wƎ$} -2Lf'jTvń"t|A%+ >sV( i5L=[rih#_-u&n5s'f/c!z, NyeR1eMv]ՕAܧh}ju2|Y:Nٽy\ʬ.j12#Z@rE*5)Q‡'OR\;K=}K&:׶MLHZSݕJ/܍%uz띷dhj~v1h(ݤ)(c(Gl(/.l6LoǺ?WE?aOEVuMltA*88՞l$Xʺi >b}FLZ|t`]0r!a܃Bw$- UfٷH7O_|G-(a1G u)SCacv 裒,7bٶ-8@!QQscڂTor_#&;(x&O #by(s?e >̲#UE )~|[Ovu|U KSY>@rMuط lJϵ?=G-leS}K]69]}x$Il1ί*ۛ8G_o&թղXm"\mOI+;R^W3w60tvgBnXS[n0F|H>aH=rYqY6u oT]kC KUOޒ@(`C 7YfP`IehG~ղ>$&5/"qO}*QrgPl㲒 8Xހd`VR ؜Qʾ%Rme?X:tGE=!RϿeG&2uq-!f/H qNzsn5G@1D5RmR'ȃXxb8.~ IJfD6M }$!ZSGbe~Zɛ5i4B5r̦?$ ./j*2DI``7c׉A`%ZRǪ۽s[ &O^VF|oI^Wv%ǯC> >_;W3([J+ ɡPk^c_.05!芁g}T})Ɖyð*Db9vhe nz~*CY: I=E}!cD qܢ&j_da0C'Y$'->ܵ9yeM[0Q;f}V) -d,8FXem⽊6Xv. 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