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dCUg)710 fa%<`Zob|8%iOM{*^oc;j ru)% EL`l34FG7h)6A W%h-lΗ)5JCwz1\œanneh\O.gwɶ%) +4Q*1R0lp2yqG>i T$ J]։H-џ7Ģ^X^Wt%z g*= z6Q`ȠS6 J40~өdy-a_\!Y 8@Mg^#y(.Dp Հf?5 ?qfyPå[Ae?ZOT(/aSxRDq0M"Gl#W_iPO]d)e1r {6یP'IeIlQ5sM\P>1.$%a!69mG@2* vY |KSc4Dwr?=a?bCQAB-:TMBAEj 6=)T+oc 2# =Ǻ9jG:쿛Qo(ds?(=hɡW%#,Kۙ7(ÑO(lDžMufߢU.j<Bޝkm `v=cX29 Uʇ^|u[s\{5< )C }h?ykÏ5B _ 40H/M[ -Xsp\iOg~J| s46xC8t*m;g"/(np@`)?[nF`I=x.zVxGjbOlf݅g+Y{ ,H'n2󇴏gm&ÇP*0% ~BtO *D0iٙ,BaK6! %(?1I҉Au(Vz!?$.0 χSY\L ,'/wn_km)<<=ϵ).҇ .+H^k:zwgg ,.= -aHZ}9u/|ng#>K{q_"x Q fr#e,~^A?p_e[Ĉ 8#SG祀O0\%Ү~lI]Ub{X9B/ /(prXDr$2/mkVLqzlM1[k!1%m:jA\I@kH2Y:tmUQtGSٛB4I-HX7cmrNLKݱqCjX.!@xڒ1|vo;fnq&}lL?奾cZp9Q|㉊ uwqwYby(uj2ٟZx+Buj_`KD!MxA.?GWNe(+Jd> z?8(zi{b46ƍ-.2υ"74'.%J^&-Ǫ*(of6.`"W] Sk’Fhז.y\6qC13\4ƊgL?XZ`&7s|K`P䕭X*$$"ZQC~Jvc^%x Ƽ!;ƴ2=J_C8v'v|xvg;\9Rgpl3~\7Q$[^ݛMc.E$^S:T,K-'.tc0N;Xp+`HZ_ms/ui+ 1635 01:20:05,631 --> 01:20:08,868 people who write, people who cook, share. 1636 01:20:08,901 --> 01:20:12,438 This difficulty in giving love and receiving love... 1637 01:20:12,472 --> 01:20:15,608 They just don't quite know how to do it. 1638 01:20:16,609 --> 01:20:19,378 A lot of people loved him a lot. 1639 01:20:19,412 --> 01:20:21,814 I don't know if he believed it. 1640 01:20:23,951 --> 01:20:25,518 So, what do you think? 1641 01:20:25,551 --> 01:20:27,854 I mean, in a metaphysical way, 1642 01:20:27,887 --> 01:20:30,456 - when you look back on your life... - Yeah. 1643 01:20:30,490 --> 01:20:31,891 For me, I always feel 1644 01:20:31,924 --> 01:20:33,760 this little unease, like, you know... 1645 01:20:33,793 --> 01:20:35,695 You feel you haven't suffered enough yet 1646 01:20:35,728 --> 01:20:37,040 - or you haven't done enough... - How the fuck did this happen? 1647 01:20:37,064 --> 01:20:38,531 - Or yeah. - You know? 1648 01:20:38,564 --> 01:20:39,775 - How-how'd this happen, you know? - No. 1649 01:20:39,799 --> 01:20:40,934 No, I know. 1650 01:20:40,968 --> 01:20:42,335 I'm still curious. 1651 01:20:42,368 --> 01:20:43,803 You seem like a curious person. 1652 01:20:43,836 --> 01:20:45,772 - It's my only virtue. - You're... there you go. 1653 01:20:45,805 --> 01:20:46,839 All right. 1654 01:20:46,873 --> 01:20:48,307 Curious is a good thing to be. 1655 01:20:49,943 --> 01:20:52,378 Given your life... 1656 01:20:52,411 --> 01:20:53,679 What thrills you? 1657 01:20:54,580 --> 01:20:57,416 What just thrills the shit out of you now? 1658 01:20:57,450 --> 01:21:01,654 Uh, this is very embarrassing, but... it's really embar... 1659 01:21:01,687 --> 01:21:05,691 Being loved and actually appreciating 1660 01:21:05,725 --> 01:21:08,361 the people that are giving that to me. 1661 01:21:18,138 --> 01:21:19,672 Whenever you guys are ready, 1662 01:21:19,705 --> 01:21:20,950 - the cameras are rolling. - All right. 1663 01:21:20,974 --> 01:21:22,608 We're ready to go. 1664 01:21:24,978 --> 01:21:27,014 All right, you're up? 1665 01:21:27,047 --> 01:21:28,581 So, uh, where are we? 1666 01:21:28,614 --> 01:21:30,126 But don't mention the name of the place. 1667 01:21:30,150 --> 01:21:31,827 - I mean, turning the napkin over... - No. Why? 1668 01:21:31,851 --> 01:21:33,362 Well, we don't... you don't want to blow this place up. 1669 01:21:33,386 --> 01:21:34,687 I don't give a shit. 1670 01:21:34,720 --> 01:21:36,065 I mean, you've been eating here for how long? 1671 01:21:36,089 --> 01:21:37,991 Since I was a, since I was a kid. 1672 01:21:38,025 --> 01:21:41,094 So you would come in here and see nothing but Americans? 1673 01:21:41,128 --> 01:21:42,562 Nothing but? 1674 01:21:42,595 --> 01:21:43,830 - Nothing but? - Well, yeah. 1675 01:21:43,863 --> 01:21:45,464 - I mean, just an army of... - Well, yes, 1676 01:21:45,498 --> 01:21:47,034 so nobody busts my balls. 1677 01:21:47,067 --> 01:21:48,969 Okay, then. We are at the... 1678 01:21:49,002 --> 01:21:50,503 So, giving up on that. 1679 01:21:50,536 --> 01:21:52,505 Okay. There we go. 1680 01:21:52,538 --> 01:21:55,042 H-How many generations of filmmakers in your family? 1681 01:21:55,075 --> 01:21:56,977 Mm, a lot. 1682 01:21:57,010 --> 01:21:58,511 Cheers. 1683 01:21:58,544 --> 01:22:00,613 When Tony met Asia, he's like, 1684 01:22:00,646 --> 01:22:02,715 "she's the best. Oh, my god, she's so great." 1685 01:22:02,748 --> 01:22:05,518 You know, and, like, when you were in high school 1686 01:22:05,551 --> 01:22:07,462 and you got laid for the first time or something. 1687 01:22:07,486 --> 01:22:09,455 You know, I'm happiest when life is 1688 01:22:09,488 --> 01:22:11,124 kind of like a film. 1689 01:22:11,158 --> 01:22:14,027 So, y-you're happy in the illusion. 1690 01:22:14,061 --> 01:22:15,928 - 'Cause film is an illusion. - Yes. 1691 01:22:15,963 --> 01:22:17,496 Yeah, I am. 1692 01:22:17,530 --> 01:22:19,899 No, me, too. I-I understand you. 1693 01:22:21,168 --> 01:22:23,903 He seemed really happy with her. 1694 01:22:25,905 --> 01:22:27,540 You know, I was like, well, 1695 01:22:27,573 --> 01:22:29,977 he found someone he wants to be with. 1696 01:22:30,010 --> 01:22:31,711 You know, I'm happy for him. 1697 01:22:33,613 --> 01:22:35,882 He told me that she was very insecure 1698 01:22:35,915 --> 01:22:39,186 about their relationship, so he just asked me 1699 01:22:39,219 --> 01:22:43,589 to stop posting pictures of us on social media. 1700 01:22:43,623 --> 01:22:45,625 And-and I think he really thought 1701 01:22:45,658 --> 01:22:47,760 he was doing the right thing 1702 01:22:47,793 --> 01:22:51,497 to make sure that the person he loved felt secure. 1703 01:22:52,531 --> 01:22:53,833 Is that a normal urge? 1704 01:22:53,866 --> 01:22:55,701 - For humans? - I want to be normal? 1705 01:22:55,735 --> 01:22:57,503 I want to be like everybody else? 1706 01:22:57,536 --> 01:22:59,082 I kind of wanted to be like everybody else 1707 01:22:59,106 --> 01:23:00,640 when I was a kid, at least for a while. 1708 01:23:00,673 --> 01:23:02,118 I-I didn't understand why I couldn't be. 1709 01:23:02,142 --> 01:23:04,177 I think people are happier 1710 01:23:04,211 --> 01:23:05,878 when they feel like they belong somewhere. 1711 01:23:05,912 --> 01:23:08,048 - I just, i-i... - That's why I'm never happy 1712 01:23:08,081 --> 01:23:10,616 because I feel I never belong. 1713 01:23:15,721 --> 01:23:17,490 I knew who she was, 1714 01:23:17,523 --> 01:23:19,059 but he never would use her name. 1715 01:23:19,092 --> 01:23:23,196 He would say "crazy Italian actress" in all the emails. 1716 01:23:23,230 --> 01:23:25,631 All I know is that he wrote to me a few times 1717 01:23:25,665 --> 01:23:28,035 and said that it was gonna end very, very badly, 1718 01:23:28,068 --> 01:23:30,436 and that was way back. 1719 01:23:31,038 --> 01:23:32,605 Um, he knew it. 1720 01:23:32,638 --> 01:23:34,241 Oh! 1721 01:23:38,644 --> 01:23:40,546 I bring you to the best places. 1722 01:23:41,881 --> 01:23:44,117 Fuck michelin. 1723 01:23:44,151 --> 01:23:46,519 Michelin? 1724 01:23:46,552 --> 01:23:48,121 His last relationship, 1725 01:23:48,155 --> 01:23:52,259 I guess when you look at it, it's not that surprising. 1726 01:23:55,195 --> 01:23:57,596 In many ways, it feels elliptical 1727 01:23:57,630 --> 01:24:00,000 from the-the very beginning. 1728 01:24:02,269 --> 01:24:04,271 Now, some of you might ask, 1729 01:24:04,304 --> 01:24:06,806 "how is this food-related?" Fuck if I know. 1730 01:24:06,839 --> 01:24:08,808 I guess if I crushed my skull on a rock, 1731 01:24:08,841 --> 01:24:11,711 parts of me will become part of the food chain. 1732 01:24:13,879 --> 01:24:15,715 It was one that had, 1733 01:24:15,748 --> 01:24:19,485 at its center, um, extremes. 1734 01:24:20,820 --> 01:24:24,992 It's as if he can't feel in the mid-zone. 1735 01:24:28,761 --> 01:24:30,297 You know, life is about 1736 01:24:30,330 --> 01:24:32,498 finding a cliff worth jumping off. 1737 01:24:33,967 --> 01:24:35,601 I felt he was like, 1738 01:24:35,634 --> 01:24:38,071 "I'm gonna look for something feral and wild." 1739 01:24:40,639 --> 01:24:42,541 Perhaps that is something to do with age 1740 01:24:42,575 --> 01:24:44,744 and all of a sudden finding yourself alone. 1741 01:24:51,218 --> 01:24:52,818 This is called, um... 1742 01:24:52,852 --> 01:24:55,621 - Are you guys up? - Why are you filming me? 1743 01:24:55,654 --> 01:24:56,756 This is called 1744 01:24:56,789 --> 01:24:58,624 "our wolf lady of the wolf flowers." 1745 01:24:58,657 --> 01:25:00,027 Ah, that's great. 1746 01:25:00,060 --> 01:25:02,928 You know, I have a-a John lurie over my bed. 1747 01:25:02,963 --> 01:25:04,630 I saw. No, you posted it. 1748 01:25:04,663 --> 01:25:06,166 That was nice that you posted that. 1749 01:25:06,199 --> 01:25:09,236 No, I love it. It makes me very, very happy. 1750 01:25:09,269 --> 01:25:11,871 - Does it? - Yes, it does. 1751 01:25:13,373 --> 01:25:15,908 So he had a dark sense of humor. 1752 01:25:15,942 --> 01:25:18,345 He wasn't Edgar Allan poe. You know what I mean? He... 1753 01:25:18,378 --> 01:25:19,980 There was a lot of light around him. 1754 01:25:20,013 --> 01:25:21,014 There really was. 1755 01:25:21,048 --> 01:25:22,648 Bring another one. 1756 01:25:22,681 --> 01:25:24,793 No. I mean, especially, like, I'm away and I come back 1757 01:25:24,817 --> 01:25:26,762 - and I walk into my room... - There it is, yeah, yeah. 1758 01:25:26,786 --> 01:25:29,722 I-It feels... The room vibrates at a frequency 1759 01:25:29,755 --> 01:25:32,059 that makes me comfortable and-and happy. 1760 01:25:32,092 --> 01:25:33,692 That's cool. 1761 01:25:39,665 --> 01:25:41,667 Thank you. Eggs, the perfect food. 1762 01:25:41,700 --> 01:25:43,669 - Thank you, sir. - Eat that. 1763 01:25:43,702 --> 01:25:45,805 We were supposed to have lunch. 1764 01:25:45,838 --> 01:25:47,807 And I said, "I want to go somewhere quiet 1765 01:25:47,840 --> 01:25:49,242 where nobody knows us." 1766 01:25:49,276 --> 01:25:51,344 And he just sort of stopped in his tracks and said, 1767 01:25:51,378 --> 01:25:53,380 "I'm becoming agoraphobic." 1768 01:25:55,949 --> 01:25:58,952 And then I saw the pain in his face. 1769 01:26:02,422 --> 01:26:05,724 Maybe he needed some time away from it all to reflect a minute 1770 01:26:05,758 --> 01:26:07,893 and then start again kind of thing, you know? 1771 01:26:07,927 --> 01:26:09,096 I don't... 1772 01:26:09,129 --> 01:26:11,998 It seemed like he was about to go on to something else. 1773 01:26:17,137 --> 01:26:19,805 His life started to feel smaller and smaller. 1774 01:26:19,839 --> 01:26:21,874 He couldn't go as many places. 1775 01:26:21,907 --> 01:26:24,810 He couldn't be out in public as much. 1776 01:26:24,844 --> 01:26:27,147 I could see him whittle away. 1777 01:26:29,915 --> 01:26:32,252 So, places like the empty quarter 1778 01:26:32,285 --> 01:26:36,789 of the arabian desert started to really resonate for him. 1779 01:26:36,822 --> 01:26:40,659 To just sit on the edge of 1780 01:26:40,693 --> 01:26:46,133 the largest sand desert in the world and stare out into it... 1781 01:26:47,400 --> 01:26:49,136 feeling like it's something 1782 01:26:49,169 --> 01:26:53,173 that's bigger than him and not about him. 1783 01:26:55,774 --> 01:26:57,743 He often talked about how, 1784 01:26:57,776 --> 01:26:59,912 in an ideal world, he wouldn't be in the show. 1785 01:26:59,946 --> 01:27:01,914 Uh, it would be his point of view, 1786 01:27:01,948 --> 01:27:04,417 like a camera moving through space, 1787 01:27:04,451 --> 01:27:07,320 without having to see him at all. 1788 01:27:24,803 --> 01:27:27,307 "Travel isn't always pretty." 1789 01:27:27,340 --> 01:27:30,177 "You go away. You learn." 1790 01:27:30,210 --> 01:27:33,879 "You get scarred, marked, changed in the process." 1791 01:27:36,349 --> 01:27:37,917 "It even breaks your heart." 1792 01:28:02,943 --> 01:28:05,011 He was very stressed 1793 01:28:05,045 --> 01:28:07,780 and very weary and very exhausted. 1794 01:28:09,449 --> 01:28:11,952 He did talk about quitting. 1795 01:28:11,985 --> 01:28:14,120 It happened like a couple of years ago. 1796 01:28:15,854 --> 01:28:19,925 He asked to see Chris and I at a bar. 1797 01:28:19,960 --> 01:28:21,894 It was very dramatic. 1798 01:28:21,927 --> 01:28:24,965 He was like, "I can't live my life like this anymore." 1799 01:28:24,998 --> 01:28:28,368 "I'm done. I'm done with this. I'm done with you people. 1800 01:28:28,401 --> 01:28:30,103 "Every band comes to an end. 1801 01:28:30,136 --> 01:28:31,981 It's time for us to break up and go our separate ways." 1802 01:28:32,005 --> 01:28:35,075 "You know, I've broken one family. 1803 01:28:35,108 --> 01:28:38,378 "I'm in this other relationship that I care very deeply about 1804 01:28:38,411 --> 01:28:40,813 and I want to make it work." 1805 01:28:40,846 --> 01:28:42,449 And Lydia looked at Tony and said, 1806 01:28:42,482 --> 01:28:44,517 "then go do it. 1807 01:28:44,551 --> 01:28:46,553 "Go do it. 1808 01:28:46,586 --> 01:28:49,922 "Don't sit here and talk about it and whine. 1809 01:28:50,889 --> 01:28:53,526 "Get up and go. Leave. 1810 01:28:53,560 --> 01:28:55,228 "Move to Italy, set up. 1811 01:28:55,262 --> 01:28:58,198 We will support you. We will be your friend. Go." 1812 01:28:58,231 --> 01:29:00,133 "Like, if you're done with this, 1813 01:29:00,166 --> 01:29:01,968 it's okay." 1814 01:29:02,002 --> 01:29:04,437 I don't know. Maybe he was expecting us to, like, 1815 01:29:04,471 --> 01:29:07,407 grab him and say like, "no, don't go. 1816 01:29:07,440 --> 01:29:09,842 It's not over. What can we do?" 1817 01:29:10,477 --> 01:29:12,878 He couldn't move. 1818 01:29:14,314 --> 01:29:16,316 It's really kind of sad. 1819 01:29:17,284 --> 01:29:19,052 It's like, 1820 01:29:19,085 --> 01:29:22,188 "then sit the fuck down and let's talk this thing through." 1821 01:29:23,189 --> 01:29:25,824 And we said, "we'll figure out a way to make this thing work, 1822 01:29:25,858 --> 01:29:28,061 you know, so it's good for you." 1823 01:29:33,466 --> 01:29:36,369 Okay. Here we go. 1824 01:29:36,403 --> 01:29:38,104 "Hong Kong. 1825 01:29:38,138 --> 01:29:39,872 To fall in love with Asia..." 1826 01:29:39,905 --> 01:29:41,941 Oof, Asia. 1827 01:29:41,975 --> 01:29:44,978 "To fall in love with Asia is one thing. 1828 01:29:45,011 --> 01:29:47,514 "To fall in love in Asia is another. 1829 01:29:47,547 --> 01:29:49,182 "Both have happened to me. 1830 01:29:49,215 --> 01:29:52,885 "It's a gift, a dream, a curse, 1831 01:29:52,918 --> 01:29:55,155 "the best thing, the happiest thing, 1832 01:29:55,188 --> 01:29:58,258 "yet also the loneliest thing in the world. 1833 01:29:58,291 --> 01:30:00,859 "I've been to Hong Kong many times before, 1834 01:30:00,893 --> 01:30:03,063 but not like this." 1835 01:30:03,963 --> 01:30:06,933 If I die before I'm 40 years old, 1836 01:30:06,966 --> 01:30:08,644 that shoot probably had something to do with it. 1837 01:30:08,668 --> 01:30:10,937 At the last second, 1838 01:30:10,970 --> 01:30:12,605 the director gets sick. 1839 01:30:12,639 --> 01:30:14,107 I had my gallbladder removed. 1840 01:30:14,140 --> 01:30:15,484 Michael's gallbladder, I swear to god. 1841 01:30:15,508 --> 01:30:18,478 So, obviously I can't go, and then Tony immediately, 1842 01:30:18,511 --> 01:30:20,613 like, sees an in. 1843 01:30:20,647 --> 01:30:24,951 He gets them to all agree that Asia should direct this. 1844 01:30:25,518 --> 01:30:27,554 W-Well, like, okay. 1845 01:30:27,587 --> 01:30:30,190 In-in man... in some ways, on this side, 1846 01:30:30,223 --> 01:30:34,961 this is giving him some kind of, like, intense resurgence 1847 01:30:34,994 --> 01:30:37,464 of, like, creative energy. 1848 01:30:37,497 --> 01:30:40,100 And so we-we ran with that. 1849 01:30:40,133 --> 01:30:41,468 - Asia? - I think... 1850 01:30:41,501 --> 01:30:43,036 Back in one sec. 1851 01:30:43,069 --> 01:30:44,604 We're getting too much good stuff... 1852 01:30:44,637 --> 01:30:45,972 I know, but... 1853 01:30:46,005 --> 01:30:47,283 in too short a period of time. 1854 01:30:47,307 --> 01:30:49,008 Let's mo... let's move and-and move. Yeah. 1855 01:30:49,042 --> 01:30:50,119 And w-we're getting too much. 1856 01:30:50,143 --> 01:30:51,511 It's like, I mean, 1857 01:30:51,544 --> 01:30:53,155 at this point, it's like, to everybody, I'm thinking, 1858 01:30:53,179 --> 01:30:54,457 "stop saying so much great stuff." 1859 01:30:54,481 --> 01:30:55,648 - Oh, my god. - So happy. 1860 01:30:55,682 --> 01:30:57,384 Food's ready. 1861 01:30:57,417 --> 01:30:58,985 Asia, the food's ready. 1862 01:31:00,653 --> 01:31:03,189 It seemed like so many years of us 1863 01:31:03,223 --> 01:31:07,427 shaping and creating this thing, all of a sudden, 1864 01:31:07,460 --> 01:31:09,062 was thrown out the window, 1865 01:31:09,095 --> 01:31:12,465 and it was just, you know, anything goes. 1866 01:31:12,499 --> 01:31:14,434 So what is your... 1867 01:31:15,635 --> 01:31:17,270 what is your hope? 1868 01:31:17,303 --> 01:31:20,140 What do you hope will happen to change your situation? 1869 01:31:20,173 --> 01:31:23,309 To-to be honest, um, I'm not big fan of hope. 1870 01:31:23,343 --> 01:31:25,412 Um, hope is... 1871 01:31:25,445 --> 01:31:26,646 Hold on one second. 1872 01:31:26,679 --> 01:31:28,448 Let me reset. 1873 01:31:28,481 --> 01:31:30,417 In the middle of this heartfelt scene 1874 01:31:30,450 --> 01:31:33,019 with these two asylum seekers, we're stopping... 1875 01:31:33,052 --> 01:31:35,021 I hold my hand or h-hold the thought? 1876 01:31:35,054 --> 01:31:36,589 And telling them to hold 1877 01:31:36,623 --> 01:31:38,224 their thought and to, like, redo it, 1878 01:31:38,258 --> 01:31:39,568 as if we're filming a movie or something. 1879 01:31:39,592 --> 01:31:41,728 - Uh, add one. - Three. 1880 01:31:41,761 --> 01:31:44,531 35 milli... uh, centimeters. 1881 01:31:49,369 --> 01:31:52,038 You know, breaking the natural, 1882 01:31:52,071 --> 01:31:53,440 heartfelt conversations 1883 01:31:53,473 --> 01:31:56,109 that are not easy conversations to have, 1884 01:31:56,142 --> 01:31:59,345 he would have never, ever done that. 1885 01:32:01,147 --> 01:32:03,082 Let's go. Ready to go. 1886 01:32:03,116 --> 01:32:04,451 I'm sorry, do it again. 1887 01:32:07,520 --> 01:32:09,189 Asia? 1888 01:32:12,392 --> 01:32:14,994 What happened in Hong Kong 1889 01:32:15,028 --> 01:32:16,729 was... listen. 1890 01:32:19,799 --> 01:32:23,703 We-we were trying to help our friend. 1891 01:32:23,736 --> 01:32:26,606 And if that meant... 1892 01:32:26,639 --> 01:32:28,741 Um... 1893 01:32:28,775 --> 01:32:31,177 Doing... yeah. 1894 01:32:37,684 --> 01:32:39,486 Of everything I've done 1895 01:32:39,519 --> 01:32:42,789 in my life, this was probably the professional highlight. 1896 01:32:42,822 --> 01:32:45,425 Between, uh, Asia argento as the director 1897 01:32:45,458 --> 01:32:48,094 and Christopher Doyle as the director of photography... 1898 01:32:48,127 --> 01:32:50,497 - You're gonna give me a camera? - Hell yeah. 1899 01:32:50,530 --> 01:32:53,132 We really did something special. 1900 01:32:54,400 --> 01:32:57,403 All right, proceed to smoke weed. 1901 01:33:02,609 --> 01:33:04,544 I think I'm happy. 1902 01:33:08,114 --> 01:33:10,783 Why? It's so peaceful? 1903 01:33:10,817 --> 01:33:12,652 Yeah. 1904 01:33:13,553 --> 01:33:16,089 This is the best shot in the movie, by the way. 1905 01:33:16,122 --> 01:33:18,525 Wow, this is fucking beautiful. 1906 01:33:18,558 --> 01:33:20,293 Wait. 1907 01:33:20,326 --> 01:33:22,262 I don't smile a lot on this show, by the way, 1908 01:33:22,295 --> 01:33:25,031 but I'm smiling now. 1909 01:33:26,132 --> 01:33:28,134 I want to shoot you guys. 1910 01:33:28,167 --> 01:33:32,038 So, tell us about your team. 1911 01:33:32,705 --> 01:33:35,508 Zach, 12-year veteran. 1912 01:33:38,244 --> 01:33:40,346 Zach had made parts unknown 1913 01:33:40,380 --> 01:33:42,582 one of the most beautiful shows on television. 1914 01:33:45,685 --> 01:33:47,787 Tony's admiration for Zach 1915 01:33:47,820 --> 01:33:50,523 was just kind of mind-blowing. 1916 01:33:50,557 --> 01:33:52,225 In Hong Kong, 1917 01:33:52,258 --> 01:33:55,595 Zach had a differing opinion from Asia 1918 01:33:55,628 --> 01:33:57,196 on what they were shooting. 1919 01:33:57,230 --> 01:33:59,699 And despite having a huge history 1920 01:33:59,732 --> 01:34:02,468 and love and friendship, he was gone. 1921 01:34:03,336 --> 01:34:05,572 When Tony fired Zach, 1922 01:34:05,605 --> 01:34:08,841 it was a huge red flag, because it was like, 1923 01:34:08,875 --> 01:34:11,411 if he's gonna do that to someone like him, 1924 01:34:11,444 --> 01:34:15,715 I mean, anyone on the inner circle is 1925 01:34:15,748 --> 01:34:19,152 essentially, you know, disposable. 1926 01:34:36,502 --> 01:34:38,705 Cheers. 1927 01:34:41,608 --> 01:34:44,410 There was a very sort of manic nature 1928 01:34:44,444 --> 01:34:46,913 to what was going on in that last year, 1929 01:34:46,947 --> 01:34:50,216 where the highs were very, very high. 1930 01:34:50,249 --> 01:34:55,089 And the lows were very ugly. 1931 01:35:00,793 --> 01:35:03,896 He was not the same person. 1932 01:35:03,930 --> 01:35:08,434 Something changed and became really heavy. 1933 01:35:08,468 --> 01:35:12,905 But he started going to therapy at a certain point, 1934 01:35:12,940 --> 01:35:15,174 and I thought, 1935 01:35:15,208 --> 01:35:16,409 "I can take a step back. 1936 01:35:16,442 --> 01:35:18,344 "I don't have to be, like, you know, 1937 01:35:18,378 --> 01:35:20,647 always so, uh, worried about him." 1938 01:35:20,680 --> 01:35:22,415 And, uh... 1939 01:35:26,486 --> 01:35:29,222 And I feel like that's something that I will always, 1940 01:35:29,255 --> 01:35:31,724 you know, felt like... 1941 01:35:32,825 --> 01:35:36,796 I should have kept an eye on him more, you know? 1942 01:36:01,587 --> 01:36:05,324 He came by less and less. 1943 01:36:05,358 --> 01:36:08,795 And we would see him once a month, if we were lucky. 1944 01:36:11,330 --> 01:36:13,499 You know, he said some shit to me 1945 01:36:13,533 --> 01:36:15,702 that was really... Fucking pissed me off. 1946 01:36:15,735 --> 01:36:17,603 Um... 1947 01:36:18,604 --> 01:36:19,639 You know, fuck it. 1948 01:36:19,672 --> 01:36:23,476 You know, Tony said I would never be a good dad. 1949 01:36:30,717 --> 01:36:32,618 That fucking hurt. 1950 01:36:36,957 --> 01:36:41,594 And I know he wasn't trying to be mean, but... 1951 01:36:44,031 --> 01:36:45,966 - Was he projecting? - Yeah. 1952 01:36:45,999 --> 01:36:48,735 Of course he was projecting. 1953 01:36:48,768 --> 01:36:53,406 He did everything he could to be the... a dad. 1954 01:36:55,641 --> 01:36:58,011 I think it broke his heart that he couldn't be 1955 01:36:58,045 --> 01:36:59,579 the fucking dad he thought he could be, 1956 01:36:59,612 --> 01:37:02,448 the romantic version of a dad. 1957 01:37:04,517 --> 01:37:06,619 He was such a romantic about life, 1958 01:37:06,652 --> 01:37:11,290 about anything, about families, about life as a whole. 1959 01:37:12,525 --> 01:37:16,329 Life was a romantic idea, and reality was never gonna 1960 01:37:16,362 --> 01:37:18,865 live up to exactly how he pictured it. 1961 01:37:21,334 --> 01:37:22,502 He was always gonna sort of 1962 01:37:22,535 --> 01:37:23,855 set himself up for disappointment. 1963 01:37:33,679 --> 01:37:35,448 Wow. 1964 01:37:35,481 --> 01:37:37,050 There's a sense of, um, 1965 01:37:37,084 --> 01:37:41,354 vastness that I'm not used to. 1966 01:37:41,387 --> 01:37:43,790 Does this remind you of your cowboy movies? 1967 01:37:43,823 --> 01:37:46,359 - Uh, a little bit. - Yeah. 1968 01:37:46,392 --> 01:37:47,669 Yes, the lone gunman out for vengeance 1969 01:37:47,693 --> 01:37:49,963 would be riding in a long shot over there. 1970 01:37:51,597 --> 01:37:53,066 At that point, I think 1971 01:37:53,100 --> 01:37:56,569 he thought his relationship with Asia 1972 01:37:56,602 --> 01:37:58,771 could provide him with an answer. 1973 01:37:58,805 --> 01:38:01,407 - But anyway... - You're right, you're right. 1974 01:38:01,440 --> 01:38:02,943 You know? His love for her 1975 01:38:02,976 --> 01:38:06,079 was completely pure and safe 1976 01:38:06,113 --> 01:38:08,748 and helpful and supportive. 1977 01:38:08,781 --> 01:38:12,318 Which is essentially what he was looking for from her. 1978 01:38:13,452 --> 01:38:16,856 And I think that Tony concluded that 1979 01:38:16,889 --> 01:38:19,692 the way to earn her trust 1980 01:38:19,725 --> 01:38:23,830 was just to go in with his whole heart. 1981 01:38:23,863 --> 01:38:25,832 Please welcome Anthony bourdain! 1982 01:38:30,870 --> 01:38:33,974 One of the more painful and-and. 1983 01:38:34,007 --> 01:38:35,976 I-I would think interesting journeys 1984 01:38:36,009 --> 01:38:38,411 you've taken on your life happened just very recently 1985 01:38:38,444 --> 01:38:39,879 with regards to the me too movement. 1986 01:38:39,912 --> 01:38:42,715 I started speaking about it out of a sense of real rage. 1987 01:38:42,748 --> 01:38:46,652 I mean, I'd like to say that I'm... I-I arrived at... 1988 01:38:46,686 --> 01:38:49,056 I was always enlightened in some way 1989 01:38:49,089 --> 01:38:52,025 or that I am an activist or virtuous. 1990 01:38:52,059 --> 01:38:54,995 But, in fact, uh, you know, I have to be honest with myself. 1991 01:38:55,028 --> 01:38:57,630 I met one extraordinary woman 1992 01:38:57,663 --> 01:39:00,867 with an extraordinary and painful story. 1993 01:39:00,900 --> 01:39:02,169 Uh, suddenly it was personal. 1994 01:39:02,202 --> 01:39:03,836 I think it surprised a lot of people. 1995 01:39:03,870 --> 01:39:06,173 He had never really wanted to stick himself 1996 01:39:06,206 --> 01:39:09,508 out there for a cause. 1997 01:39:09,542 --> 01:39:12,478 But Tony was like, "I'm going to make a stand." 1998 01:39:14,914 --> 01:39:17,017 A nuclear bomb is gonna fall 1999 01:39:17,050 --> 01:39:18,818 on one of my worst enemies. 2000 01:39:18,851 --> 01:39:21,654 Everybody's been defending him, 2001 01:39:21,687 --> 01:39:23,756 but now he's going fucking down. 2002 01:39:23,789 --> 01:39:26,626 He's going down big-fucking-time. 2003 01:39:27,727 --> 01:39:32,765 In 1997, I was raped by Harvey weinstein 2004 01:39:32,798 --> 01:39:34,567 here at cannes. 2005 01:39:34,600 --> 01:39:37,904 And even tonight, sitting among you, 2006 01:39:37,938 --> 01:39:41,674 there are those who still have to be held accountable 2007 01:39:41,707 --> 01:39:44,577 for their conduct against women. 2008 01:39:45,778 --> 01:39:48,181 Argento later posting this photo 2009 01:39:48,215 --> 01:39:49,691 on Instagram with her fist in the air, 2010 01:39:49,715 --> 01:39:51,550 the caption in French translated, 2011 01:39:51,584 --> 01:39:53,653 "the battle of women continues." 2012 01:39:57,790 --> 01:39:59,926 Asia had just come from cannes. 2013 01:39:59,960 --> 01:40:02,795 And then we're in the uffizi gallery 2014 01:40:02,828 --> 01:40:04,797 looking at the beheading of holofernes, 2015 01:40:04,830 --> 01:40:06,565 which is literally 2016 01:40:06,599 --> 01:40:08,201 the beheading of her rapist, 2017 01:40:08,235 --> 01:40:12,105 and it's happening the day that weinstein gets arrested. 2018 01:40:12,139 --> 01:40:13,873 Weinstein has repeatedly 2019 01:40:13,906 --> 01:40:15,875 denied all allegations. 2020 01:40:18,211 --> 01:40:19,779 It was extraordinary. 2021 01:40:41,801 --> 01:40:47,007 Everybody takes medusa as the symbol of the evil woman 2022 01:40:47,040 --> 01:40:49,977 with snakes in her head, but, uh, 2023 01:40:50,010 --> 01:40:52,545 she was, uh, a rape victim. 2024 01:40:52,578 --> 01:40:54,948 And she had to protect herself. 2025 01:40:54,982 --> 01:40:57,985 You know, powerful, inconvenient women who 2026 01:40:58,018 --> 01:41:02,222 piss people off are inevitably caricatured as medusa. 2027 01:41:02,255 --> 01:41:03,991 Yeah. 2028 01:41:04,024 --> 01:41:05,591 I'm-I'm next. 2029 01:41:05,624 --> 01:41:06,859 I wasn't gonna say it. 2030 01:41:06,892 --> 01:41:09,862 - It's only a matter of time. - Hmm. 2031 01:41:10,830 --> 01:41:12,631 It's incredible. 2032 01:41:12,665 --> 01:41:14,234 Me too! 2033 01:41:14,267 --> 01:41:15,969 Our stories are true! 2034 01:41:16,003 --> 01:41:17,204 We say me too! 2035 01:41:17,237 --> 01:41:19,006 I mean, at first it was, like, 2036 01:41:19,039 --> 01:41:20,606 very noble of him, you know? 2037 01:41:20,639 --> 01:41:22,742 And it was a good cause. 2038 01:41:22,775 --> 01:41:24,710 But then he became... 2039 01:41:24,744 --> 01:41:26,679 Yeah, he became obsessed with it. 2040 01:41:26,712 --> 01:41:29,648 You're talking about it in a way that many people wouldn't. 2041 01:41:29,682 --> 01:41:31,684 To the point where 2042 01:41:31,717 --> 01:41:33,619 if a friend said something 2043 01:41:33,652 --> 01:41:37,290 five years ago that would maybe... 2044 01:41:37,324 --> 01:41:39,625 Might be offensive to the me too cause, 2045 01:41:39,658 --> 01:41:43,163 he would just, like, cut them out of his life. 2046 01:41:43,196 --> 01:41:45,798 I'm pretty much ming the merciless 2047 01:41:45,831 --> 01:41:47,600 - on this issue right now. - Right. 2048 01:41:47,633 --> 01:41:49,635 Friends and creative partners... 2049 01:41:49,668 --> 01:41:51,637 He threw them under the bus without 2050 01:41:51,670 --> 01:41:54,740 any sort of consultation or anything. 2051 01:41:54,774 --> 01:41:56,309 I mean, there was not much nuance 2052 01:41:56,343 --> 01:41:58,711 when it got to that point of his life. 2053 01:42:00,679 --> 01:42:02,983 What I saw was him turn 2054 01:42:03,016 --> 01:42:06,186 what was a lifelong addictive personality 2055 01:42:06,219 --> 01:42:07,686 to another person. 2056 01:42:07,720 --> 01:42:11,058 And that was extremely dangerous. 2057 01:42:15,928 --> 01:42:18,731 He was acting like a kid who didn't understand 2058 01:42:18,764 --> 01:42:20,800 that you're gonna drive someone away 2059 01:42:20,833 --> 01:42:22,936 if you just pile on and pile on and pile on. 2060 01:42:22,969 --> 01:42:24,713 - Yes. But-but what I... - Really, the top ten 2061 01:42:24,737 --> 01:42:27,941 hottest things you've ever done is park in Rome. 2062 01:42:27,974 --> 01:42:32,345 What, like... she was like, "you could park here now, 2063 01:42:32,379 --> 01:42:34,123 - "but in an hour you can't park here." - Yeah. 2064 01:42:34,147 --> 01:42:35,714 "We can get away with this now." 2065 01:42:35,748 --> 01:42:37,393 I thought, "this is the fucking coolest thing." 2066 01:42:37,417 --> 01:42:39,618 He won't stop fucking talking about 2067 01:42:39,652 --> 01:42:41,787 her ability to park. 2068 01:42:41,821 --> 01:42:43,232 It's like, "you're such a good Parker. 2069 01:42:43,256 --> 01:42:44,333 "Y-You park so well. You park so well. 2070 01:42:44,357 --> 01:42:45,925 You parallel park so well." 2071 01:42:45,959 --> 01:42:47,403 And she's like, "dude, I don't want to be known 2072 01:42:47,427 --> 01:42:48,928 for my parking skills." 2073 01:42:48,962 --> 01:42:51,331 Like, you can see her pulling back, 2074 01:42:51,364 --> 01:42:53,300 and he just won't stop. 2075 01:42:58,138 --> 01:42:59,839 We're having so much fun. 2076 01:43:00,873 --> 01:43:01,841 Done. 2077 01:43:01,874 --> 01:43:03,376 And it was genius, bro. 2078 01:43:03,410 --> 01:43:05,845 I'm telling you, see you at the oscars, yo. 2079 01:43:05,878 --> 01:43:07,981 Saying goodbye to him 2080 01:43:08,014 --> 01:43:11,851 is the happiest I felt like I had ever seen him. 2081 01:43:11,884 --> 01:43:13,253 Huge hugs. 2082 01:43:13,286 --> 01:43:14,753 He was like, "I love you." 2083 01:43:14,787 --> 01:43:16,822 "I love working with you. We got years ahead of us. 2084 01:43:16,856 --> 01:43:19,226 I'm looking forward to it." 2085 01:43:31,737 --> 01:43:33,440 You don't want his legacy 2086 01:43:33,473 --> 01:43:36,675 to come off as, like, somebody who... 2087 01:43:36,709 --> 01:43:40,213 Succumbed to, like, this... 2088 01:43:43,416 --> 01:43:45,684 darkness. 2089 01:43:47,187 --> 01:43:48,888 That wasn't him. 2090 01:43:48,921 --> 01:43:52,058 Like, he created something that was so important. 2091 01:43:52,092 --> 01:43:55,962 And I want... that really needs to be, like... 2092 01:43:56,963 --> 01:44:00,000 That is the legacy of his life. 2093 01:44:00,033 --> 01:44:05,138 Not this stupid bullshit act that he did at the end. 2094 01:44:09,476 --> 01:44:12,811 How do we come to terms with... 2095 01:44:14,114 --> 01:44:15,048 what happened? 2096 01:44:15,081 --> 01:44:18,251 Hmm. That's something I don't speak about. 2097 01:44:24,991 --> 01:44:27,194 What happened in France. 2098 01:44:27,227 --> 01:44:29,262 Um, where to start? 2099 01:44:29,296 --> 01:44:33,400 The kind of scenes that we had and what kind of shoot it was... 2100 01:44:33,433 --> 01:44:35,834 You know, it was, like, Tony and Eric. 2101 01:44:35,868 --> 01:44:37,304 Lighthearted, funny. 2102 01:44:37,337 --> 01:44:38,972 Um... 2103 01:44:39,005 --> 01:44:41,274 Wow. Wow. 2104 01:44:41,308 --> 01:44:44,044 - Listen, man. Listen. - And you mocked me. 2105 01:44:44,077 --> 01:44:46,346 We're probably like four days in. 2106 01:44:46,379 --> 01:44:50,083 Tony arrives, and he is just... 2107 01:44:50,116 --> 01:44:52,851 Palpably sort of like just angry. 2108 01:44:53,486 --> 01:44:55,121 And... 2109 01:44:55,155 --> 01:44:58,091 The scene sort of... It takes a dark turn. 2110 01:44:58,124 --> 01:45:00,293 Uh, they're talking about dying, 2111 01:45:00,327 --> 01:45:02,996 choking on a hot dog or something like that. 2112 01:45:03,029 --> 01:45:06,266 He kind of looks back at me, 2113 01:45:06,299 --> 01:45:08,068 and we kind of make eye contact. 2114 01:45:08,101 --> 01:45:12,239 In-in my memory now, it's very desperate. 2115 01:45:17,310 --> 01:45:18,877 I called Helen, 2116 01:45:18,911 --> 01:45:20,380 and this tabloid shit's come out 2117 01:45:20,413 --> 01:45:23,749 about Asia and this other person. 2118 01:45:26,486 --> 01:45:28,854 Tony goes over to this balcony again, 2119 01:45:28,887 --> 01:45:30,856 looking over this valley, and he's, like, smoking, 2120 01:45:30,889 --> 01:45:33,426 and he's kind of alone. 2121 01:45:33,460 --> 01:45:36,296 I go out there, and I'm like, 2122 01:45:36,329 --> 01:45:38,465 "hey, man, how are you doing? 2123 01:45:38,498 --> 01:45:40,543 "You know, is this just, like... Are these just tabloid people, 2124 01:45:40,567 --> 01:45:42,002 "like, fucking with you guys? 2125 01:45:42,035 --> 01:45:43,079 Like how, you know... What's happening?" 2126 01:45:43,103 --> 01:45:44,223 And then, like, he pauses... 2127 01:45:46,006 --> 01:45:50,210 and he just says, "a little fucking discretion." 2128 01:45:50,243 --> 01:45:53,413 Right? And I was like, "hey, man, I'm just..." 2129 01:45:53,446 --> 01:45:55,881 He's like, "no, man, not you." 2130 01:45:55,914 --> 01:45:57,916 It's like, "I don't want to have to fucking deal 2131 01:45:57,951 --> 01:45:59,452 with this... these fucking..." 2132 01:45:59,486 --> 01:46:02,355 You know, he's talking about Asia. 2133 01:46:05,125 --> 01:46:07,093 He didn't even look at me. 2134 01:46:07,127 --> 01:46:09,462 You know, he's just kind of, like, just, you know, smoking 2135 01:46:09,496 --> 01:46:13,033 and just sort of looking out and just like, "fuck." 2136 01:46:13,933 --> 01:46:18,338 I wish I had said more to him in that moment. 2137 01:46:19,939 --> 01:46:22,175 You know, Tony hasn't been all right 2138 01:46:22,208 --> 01:46:23,909 for a long time. 2139 01:46:23,943 --> 01:46:28,014 The amount that he joked about the end of his life and... 2140 01:46:28,048 --> 01:46:30,016 He's been chasing that shit forever. 2141 01:46:30,050 --> 01:46:32,185 Potato chips are stale. 2142 01:46:32,218 --> 01:46:36,189 So depressed right now, I feel like killing myself. 2143 01:46:36,222 --> 01:46:37,856 He's a fucking runner. 2144 01:46:37,890 --> 01:46:39,326 I mean, he ran for a long time, 2145 01:46:39,359 --> 01:46:43,530 but you're not gonna outsmart pain. 2146 01:46:43,563 --> 01:46:44,964 I'm pretty sure that pole 2147 01:46:44,998 --> 01:46:46,499 will support my body weight. 2148 01:46:46,533 --> 01:46:50,203 - What? - If I fucking hang myself. 2149 01:46:52,605 --> 01:46:54,307 I think it pops into 2150 01:46:54,341 --> 01:46:56,875 a lot of people's heads, and it's just like, 2151 01:46:56,909 --> 01:46:59,878 since he knew how to do it... 2152 01:46:59,912 --> 01:47:01,614 I mean, I don't know. 2153 01:47:01,648 --> 01:47:03,950 He's a storyteller for one thing. 2154 01:47:03,983 --> 01:47:07,287 How does a storyteller check out without leaving a note? 2155 01:47:08,921 --> 01:47:10,957 But I think, in some regard, 2156 01:47:10,990 --> 01:47:15,061 he was gonna write his end, which is what he did. 2157 01:47:15,095 --> 01:47:17,230 If you look at his last Instagram story, 2158 01:47:17,263 --> 01:47:21,634 he played the title sequence music from this '70s film 2159 01:47:21,668 --> 01:47:23,636 violent city. 2160 01:47:23,670 --> 01:47:24,971 And if you've seen the film, 2161 01:47:25,004 --> 01:47:26,373 you know that the beginning is 2162 01:47:26,406 --> 01:47:30,944 a series of paparazzi photos of this couple. 2163 01:47:30,977 --> 01:47:32,645 I mean, it's a revenge film. 2164 01:47:32,679 --> 01:47:36,649 It's about this woman who betrays him 2165 01:47:36,683 --> 01:47:38,485 and him seeking revenge. 2166 01:47:53,967 --> 01:47:57,003 I mean, it's-it's all there. 2167 01:47:59,439 --> 01:48:01,141 I'm very cautious 2168 01:48:01,174 --> 01:48:03,219 to be like, uh, blame the woman for, like, you know... 2169 01:48:03,243 --> 01:48:05,678 Or blame the lover or blame the husband. 2170 01:48:05,712 --> 01:48:09,182 You know, Tony killed himself. 2171 01:48:09,215 --> 01:48:11,184 Tony did it. 2172 01:48:17,290 --> 01:48:19,259 My brother committed suicide. 2173 01:48:19,292 --> 01:48:21,294 I think if somebody else had been in his room, 2174 01:48:21,327 --> 01:48:23,129 it might've been a murder and not a suicide. 2175 01:48:23,163 --> 01:48:24,998 I think he was just in an explosive anger 2176 01:48:25,031 --> 01:48:27,367 and-and this was the only way out. 2177 01:48:29,102 --> 01:48:32,405 When you choose to hang yourself, 2178 01:48:32,439 --> 01:48:33,673 it's a torture. 2179 01:48:33,706 --> 01:48:37,143 Self-imposed torture. 2180 01:48:38,711 --> 01:48:40,346 If he was fucking drunk, 2181 01:48:40,380 --> 01:48:42,248 it'd be a lot easier to understand. 2182 01:48:42,282 --> 01:48:47,187 The toxicology report was he's clean and sober. 2183 01:48:47,220 --> 01:48:50,056 I think it was a clear decision. 2184 01:48:52,091 --> 01:48:53,593 It was a momentary lapse, 2185 01:48:53,626 --> 01:48:56,396 and I don't think he weighed the pros and cons. 2186 01:48:58,097 --> 01:49:01,067 If he had just made it through that night, you know? 2187 01:49:03,203 --> 01:49:05,205 We're trying so hard to understand, 2188 01:49:05,238 --> 01:49:07,207 because we think if we can understand it, 2189 01:49:07,240 --> 01:49:08,741 then we'll be okay with it. 2190 01:49:08,775 --> 01:49:11,711 And the fact of the matter is, no, 2191 01:49:11,744 --> 01:49:13,713 I don't think we get to know. 2192 01:49:13,746 --> 01:49:15,615 We don't get to know. 2193 01:49:15,648 --> 01:49:17,584 That's tough. 2194 01:49:24,424 --> 01:49:26,626 Well, I don't know where he is 2195 01:49:26,659 --> 01:49:28,595 right now, but... 2196 01:49:28,628 --> 01:49:30,463 He let me down. 2197 01:49:30,497 --> 01:49:32,465 He... 2198 01:49:36,169 --> 01:49:38,404 I don't think he was cruel, you know? 2199 01:49:38,438 --> 01:49:41,341 And there's, like, a cruelty to that. 2200 01:49:44,110 --> 01:49:46,813 What the hell is everyone supposed to do? 2201 01:50:15,475 --> 01:50:18,111 It's been over two years 2202 01:50:18,144 --> 01:50:20,547 since he took his own life, 2203 01:50:20,580 --> 01:50:23,683 and I still experience a range of emotions. 2204 01:50:23,716 --> 01:50:25,552 Um... 2205 01:50:28,755 --> 01:50:30,557 God. 2206 01:50:37,497 --> 01:50:39,098 It's like... 2207 01:50:39,132 --> 01:50:40,809 I haven't fucking cut my hair since he died. 2208 01:50:40,833 --> 01:50:44,437 Like, i-i... 2209 01:50:44,470 --> 01:50:46,272 I just miss him. 2210 01:50:47,206 --> 01:50:50,710 I miss a friend, a dear friend. 2211 01:50:50,743 --> 01:50:57,083 I think about a lot of happy moments we had together. 2212 01:51:00,620 --> 01:51:02,855 Mostly, yeah. 2213 01:51:06,326 --> 01:51:10,430 I was in Vietnam on a beautiful day. 2214 01:51:10,463 --> 01:51:14,734 I looked at my phone, and there was the news. 2215 01:51:14,767 --> 01:51:18,471 And, uh, that's when I decided to move to Vietnam for good. 2216 01:51:19,439 --> 01:51:22,308 That was the... It was not even a thought. 2217 01:51:22,342 --> 01:51:26,346 It was the door opened and I had to go through it 2218 01:51:26,379 --> 01:51:30,650 and start doing something new. 2219 01:51:32,251 --> 01:51:34,520 I was listening to this record 2220 01:51:34,554 --> 01:51:36,723 that brought me to tears thinking of him. 2221 01:51:36,756 --> 01:51:39,525 And, um, both my kids 2222 01:51:39,559 --> 01:51:41,894 sort of embraced me. 2223 01:51:41,928 --> 01:51:45,131 My son, he's like, "how did Tony die?" 2224 01:51:47,266 --> 01:51:49,636 And I was like, "uh, I... we don't know." 2225 01:51:49,669 --> 01:51:51,671 Right? 2226 01:51:51,704 --> 01:51:55,408 About 20 seconds pass, and he looked at me and he's like, 2227 01:51:55,441 --> 01:51:57,477 "I really would like to know how Tony died." 2228 01:51:57,510 --> 01:52:01,648 I have this like hour-long conversation about 2229 01:52:01,681 --> 01:52:04,217 Tony to my fucking seven-year-old kid. 2230 01:52:04,250 --> 01:52:08,287 And I said, "I think Tony, at the end, 2231 01:52:08,321 --> 01:52:13,192 "felt alone and felt he couldn't talk to anybody 2232 01:52:13,226 --> 01:52:16,396 about the pain that was going on inside of him." 2233 01:52:16,429 --> 01:52:20,700 And I said, "you know you always have someone 2234 01:52:20,733 --> 01:52:23,803 to turn to and talk to." 2235 01:52:23,836 --> 01:52:26,406 That's the lesson in it for me. 2236 01:52:30,476 --> 01:52:33,279 It's plenty to just say I'm hurt. 2237 01:52:33,981 --> 01:52:36,582 I haven't worked for two years now. 2238 01:52:36,616 --> 01:52:41,521 Really close to the end, we talked, and I said, 2239 01:52:41,554 --> 01:52:44,290 "got to take our girls and lighten the load 2240 01:52:44,323 --> 01:52:46,559 "and show them the world, show them who we are, 2241 01:52:46,592 --> 01:52:48,394 not just when you come home, but..." 2242 01:52:48,428 --> 01:52:51,597 And-and we were both excited about this prospect. 2243 01:52:57,938 --> 01:52:59,706 Fuck. 2244 01:52:59,739 --> 01:53:01,774 One, two, three. 2245 01:53:04,477 --> 01:53:06,446 When I get angry is when I think about 2246 01:53:06,479 --> 01:53:10,650 leaving behind a brilliant... 2247 01:53:10,683 --> 01:53:12,819 Daughter. 2248 01:53:14,487 --> 01:53:15,822 You know. 2249 01:53:17,356 --> 01:53:20,961 He would have loved to be around now, to see her now. 2250 01:53:20,994 --> 01:53:22,729 He'd be so proud of her. 2251 01:53:29,970 --> 01:53:31,871 I'm so lucky 2252 01:53:31,904 --> 01:53:36,609 'cause she's the best daughter I-I could hope for. 2253 01:53:36,642 --> 01:53:39,980 And I will always be grateful that, you know, 2254 01:53:40,013 --> 01:53:42,782 Tony gave her to me, you know? 2255 01:53:47,520 --> 01:53:49,555 I mean, I think this is 2256 01:53:49,589 --> 01:53:52,492 the last time I'll ever talk publicly about it, 2257 01:53:52,525 --> 01:53:55,996 because I... that's not the way I want to remember him. 2258 01:53:56,029 --> 01:53:57,830 I want to remember him 2259 01:53:57,864 --> 01:54:01,501 when we were together, all the amazing things that we'd done 2260 01:54:01,534 --> 01:54:04,270 and the amazing person that he was. 2261 01:54:08,908 --> 01:54:11,511 After Tony died, 2262 01:54:11,544 --> 01:54:15,414 the restaurant, les halles, it just became this shrine. 2263 01:54:16,682 --> 01:54:20,988 We didn't realize he meant so much to so many people. 2264 01:54:21,955 --> 01:54:24,824 "You inspired me to get out of my comfort zone 2265 01:54:24,857 --> 01:54:28,361 and fearlessly immerse myself in the richness of life." 2266 01:54:29,529 --> 01:54:30,806 "Advocate for the working classes, 2267 01:54:30,830 --> 01:54:32,032 "the immigrants, the poor. 2268 01:54:32,065 --> 01:54:34,300 This world didn't deserve you." 2269 01:54:38,038 --> 01:54:39,705 And then a few people left poems. 2270 01:54:39,739 --> 01:54:42,842 "One said," everyone forgets that icarus also flew. 2271 01:54:42,875 --> 01:54:46,579 "I believe icarus was not failing as he fell 2272 01:54:46,612 --> 01:54:49,682 but just coming to the end of his triumph." 2273 01:55:10,636 --> 01:55:12,705 You know, I was an angry young man. 2274 01:55:12,738 --> 01:55:14,407 I-I, uh... 2275 01:55:15,608 --> 01:55:18,979 I forget what I was angry about, especially looking at this. 2276 01:55:19,012 --> 01:55:20,847 What the hell was I so angry about? 2277 01:55:20,880 --> 01:55:23,382 This was, you know... 2278 01:55:24,985 --> 01:55:26,752 paradise. 2279 01:55:42,602 --> 01:55:44,370 Sorry. 2280 01:55:45,571 --> 01:55:47,740 Can I say something? 2281 01:55:47,773 --> 01:55:49,609 To have him walking down a beach, 2282 01:55:49,642 --> 01:55:51,144 it resonates, it's sweet. 2283 01:55:51,178 --> 01:55:53,713 And I go, you know, as-as I was upstairs 2284 01:55:53,746 --> 01:55:56,449 using the restroom, I was like... 2285 01:55:56,482 --> 01:55:57,884 "He would fucking hate that." 2286 01:56:03,823 --> 01:56:07,927 Going out in a Blaze of glory was so fucking lame. 2287 01:56:08,996 --> 01:56:12,665 But we live in this society where every great artist 2288 01:56:12,698 --> 01:56:15,168 who kills themselves is on murals 2289 01:56:15,202 --> 01:56:17,170 and they're talked about like gods. 2290 01:56:17,204 --> 01:56:18,771 - Tony's on murals. - Yeah. That's... 2291 01:56:18,804 --> 01:56:20,806 Around town, there are a couple of them. 2292 01:56:20,840 --> 01:56:22,642 I should go deface them. 2293 01:56:22,675 --> 01:56:24,543 He would love it if I did that. 2294 01:56:24,577 --> 01:56:28,547 ♪ I got your written invitation ♪ 2295 01:56:28,581 --> 01:56:31,118 ♪ a beautiful stick in the eye ♪ 2296 01:56:31,151 --> 01:56:33,020 ♪ I get the message ♪ 2297 01:56:33,053 --> 01:56:34,520 ♪ you been sending ♪ 2298 01:56:34,553 --> 01:56:37,657 ♪ ain't no good in goodbye ♪ 2299 01:56:37,690 --> 01:56:40,459 ♪ throw everything away ♪ 2300 01:56:41,594 --> 01:56:43,596 ♪ anything can be replaced ♪ 2301 01:56:43,629 --> 01:56:47,900 ♪ black and blue is the best I can do... ♪ 2302 01:56:50,736 --> 01:56:52,205 Ooh. 2303 01:56:52,239 --> 01:56:53,941 Yeah. 2304 01:56:56,143 --> 01:56:57,810 ♪ Want to? ♪ 2305 01:56:58,711 --> 01:57:01,480 ♪ Oh, what a pain in the asp ♪ 2306 01:57:01,514 --> 01:57:05,618 ♪ endless love and devotion ♪ 2307 01:57:05,651 --> 01:57:07,820 ♪ Indian gifts of the past ♪ 2308 01:57:07,853 --> 01:57:10,656 ♪ just another drop on the ocean ♪ 2309 01:57:10,690 --> 01:57:13,994 ♪ empty space, empty heart ♪ 2310 01:57:14,027 --> 01:57:17,164 ♪ where the love ♪ 2311 01:57:17,197 --> 01:57:20,167 ♪ is not anymore ♪ 2312 01:57:20,200 --> 01:57:23,136 ♪ so ♪ 2313 01:58:16,056 --> 01:58:17,257 ♪ Living in limbo ♪ 2314 01:58:17,290 --> 01:58:18,924 ♪ kisses akimbo ♪ 2315 01:58:18,959 --> 01:58:23,030 ♪ every single bridge is on fire ♪ 2316 01:58:23,063 --> 01:58:24,164 ♪ hold me together? ♪ 2317 01:58:24,197 --> 01:58:25,698 ♪ No way, never ♪ 2318 01:58:25,731 --> 01:58:28,567 ♪ due date done expired ♪ 2319 01:58:28,601 --> 01:58:32,272 ♪ second chances are a waste ♪ 2320 01:58:32,305 --> 01:58:35,308 ♪ I'm gonna bend until I break ♪ 2321 01:58:35,342 --> 01:58:38,911 ♪ black and blue is the best I can do ♪ 2322 01:58:41,348 --> 01:58:45,218 ♪ yeah, black and blue and broken in two ♪ 2323 01:58:45,252 --> 01:58:46,786 ♪ whoa, whoa ♪ 2324 01:58:46,819 --> 01:58:48,788 ♪ want to? ♪