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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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[ wind gusts, waves crash ]

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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ROSEMARY: Hey, Jacinta.

5
00:00:13,097 --> 00:00:16,370
[ children laugh ]

6
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WOMAN: Say hi.

7
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CHILDREN: Hi!

8
00:00:19,734 --> 00:00:22,206
ROSEMARY:
And these are the criminals.

9
00:00:22,206 --> 00:00:23,778
They will never get out
from my jail.

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BOY: Help me! Help me!
Let me out.

11
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[ children shouting ]

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00:00:30,114 --> 00:00:31,515
RICH: That's the record button.
Yep.

13
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ROSEMARY: Is that
what it's saying?

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RICH: That's what it be saying.

15
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Are you a silly‐willy?

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ROSEMARY: Yep.

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JACINTA: My dad explained to me,

18
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when you're an infant
and you cry,

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your mom picks you up

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and comforts you.

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When I was an infant

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my mom cried.

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She picked me up for comfort.

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[ somber music plays ]

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♪♪

26
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♪♪

27
00:01:08,422 --> 00:01:11,155
[ indistinct conversations ]

28
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[ TV plays indistinctly ]

29
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♪♪

30
00:01:33,247 --> 00:01:39,183
♪♪

31
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‐ Should I put my hair up?

32
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I never put my hair up.

33
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Yes? No?

34
00:01:47,762 --> 00:01:48,963
‐ What?

35
00:01:48,963 --> 00:01:50,825
‐ Should I do the '90s thing?

36
00:01:50,825 --> 00:01:51,896
Like this?

37
00:01:51,896 --> 00:01:53,227
‐ Oh, my God.

38
00:01:53,227 --> 00:01:54,228
‐ Hey, girl.

39
00:01:54,228 --> 00:01:55,900
You looking kind of good!

40
00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:57,231
What's your name?
[ laughs ]

41
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‐ Stop. No.

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JACINTA: I've been in
for eight months...

43
00:02:08,342 --> 00:02:10,985
and I have a month
left of my sentence.

44
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Thank you.

45
00:02:13,848 --> 00:02:16,991
My first time
being incarcerated...

46
00:02:16,991 --> 00:02:20,995
I think I was 15.

47
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I'm 26,

48
00:02:22,997 --> 00:02:26,000
and there hasn't been
many breaks in between.

49
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WOMAN: Pitch five.

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Get it! Yep!

51
00:02:33,808 --> 00:02:36,811
[ indistinct conversations ]

52
00:02:38,713 --> 00:02:41,245
‐ I'm trying not to be seen

53
00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:45,650
because I've already been warned
at the window for talking.

54
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And so if I'm seen,
I'm gonna get a write‐up.

55
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What are you doing, Ma?

56
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I don't want to get caught
at your window.

57
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ROSEMARY: Alright. I don't want
to get you in trouble.

58
00:03:01,335 --> 00:03:03,437
JACINTA: Alright.
I love you, Mom.

59
00:03:03,437 --> 00:03:04,969
ROSEMARY: I love you, too.

60
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‐ Yep, at noon time.

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[ indistinct shouting,
cheering ]

62
00:03:14,649 --> 00:03:16,550
‐ Run! Run, Bridget!

63
00:03:18,813 --> 00:03:20,514
‐ Go ahead!
‐ You flinched.

64
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‐ Go ahead.

65
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I only flinched 'cause
I didn't want to hurt you.

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[ both laugh ]

67
00:03:25,359 --> 00:03:27,021
‐ Save it.

68
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[ women cheer ]

69
00:03:28,763 --> 00:03:31,365
‐ You're a big baby, I swear.

70
00:03:31,365 --> 00:03:32,767
[ laughs ]

71
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‐ Abuse.

72
00:03:33,798 --> 00:03:35,429
[ women cheering ]

73
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I called my mother
a bitch once, right?

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She smacks me in the mouth,
and I ‐‐

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‐ I didn't smack you
in the mouth.

76
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That ain't exactly ‐‐
Don't lie. Don't you lie.

77
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You went...
You're like this.

78
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You said,
"I should smash you, bitch,"

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is what you said.

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‐ She smacked me in the mouth.

81
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‐ Tell the whole story.
‐ And cried.

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‐ [ chuckles ]

83
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JACINTA: Listen, Joanne,

84
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she calls my mom at like
2:00 in the morning.

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She's like,
"Your daughter ripped me off."

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ROSEMARY: I remember that.
‐ "I'm gonna whoop her ass."

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I hear my mom's truck coming,

88
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flying down Pine Street
at fuckin' 2:00 in the morning,

89
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blaring REO Speedwagon

90
00:04:08,462 --> 00:04:10,765
Take It On The Run,
right? [ laughs ]

91
00:04:10,765 --> 00:04:12,767
I'm like, "Yep,
here comes my mom."

92
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So, she's up in ‐‐
‐ You weren't even there yet.

93
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I was already there,
and I'm calling Jacinta,

94
00:04:17,712 --> 00:04:19,844
and she said, "Mom, I'm gonna
be there in two minutes."

95
00:04:19,844 --> 00:04:21,846
I'm pissed.

96
00:04:21,846 --> 00:04:24,879
‐ I was in the alley
taking a couple of hits.

97
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This girl peeps my mom
coming through the door.

98
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She goes "Yeah.
Yeah, you, Rosemary."

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My mom grabs her and starts
beating the fuck out of her,

100
00:04:31,886 --> 00:04:34,488
like boom, boom, boom.

101
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Stomps her, like,
a couple of times.

102
00:04:35,630 --> 00:04:37,491
Just stomping this bitch, right?

103
00:04:37,491 --> 00:04:39,894
She turns around.
She's like "Hey."

104
00:04:39,894 --> 00:04:41,766
I'm like hey.

105
00:04:41,766 --> 00:04:43,938
My mom stomps her one more time.

106
00:04:43,938 --> 00:04:45,399
She goes,
"What are you going to do?"

107
00:04:45,399 --> 00:04:47,672
‐ I'm like, uh...
WOMAN: Oh, my God!

108
00:04:47,672 --> 00:04:49,604
‐ I'm like, what are you doing?

109
00:04:49,604 --> 00:04:51,575
‐ I was like, "Well,
I was gonna hit her, Mom."

110
00:04:51,575 --> 00:04:54,478
She stomps her again.
That was it.

111
00:04:54,478 --> 00:04:56,550
My mom goes, "Let's go."
She goes, "Wait, wait, wait.

112
00:04:56,550 --> 00:04:58,953
Run her pockets.
Run her pockets."

113
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I was like,
"She gave me all her money.

114
00:05:00,655 --> 00:05:02,016
I ripped her off, remember?"

115
00:05:02,016 --> 00:05:04,458
She goes, "Oh, yeah. Let's go."

116
00:05:04,458 --> 00:05:05,990
The first time I ever
got into a fight,

117
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I got beat up really bad,

118
00:05:07,792 --> 00:05:09,664
and I went home
crying to my mom,

119
00:05:09,664 --> 00:05:12,797
and she was like, "Don't ever
come home like this again."

120
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And she brought me back,
and she made me fight her again,

121
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and I beat her up.

122
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And I got this sense
of empowerment.

123
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At this point, like, I knew.

124
00:05:22,576 --> 00:05:25,109
And when I was beating her up,

125
00:05:25,109 --> 00:05:27,111
I was going like this.
Like, I didn't ‐‐

126
00:05:27,111 --> 00:05:29,884
I was afraid
she was gonna hit me again,

127
00:05:29,884 --> 00:05:31,716
and my mom kept making me
look at her

128
00:05:31,716 --> 00:05:33,117
when I was hitting her.

129
00:05:33,117 --> 00:05:35,750
And once I got that
burst of empowerment,

130
00:05:35,750 --> 00:05:37,992
I was like, "Yeah,
I'm never gonna let this go."

131
00:05:37,992 --> 00:05:40,725
[ laughter ]

132
00:05:40,725 --> 00:05:41,696
‐ Go.

133
00:05:41,696 --> 00:05:43,527
WOMAN: Oh, man.

134
00:05:43,527 --> 00:05:45,029
‐ Go ahead.
Let me give it to you.

135
00:05:45,029 --> 00:05:46,160
Take it, Mom.
Take it.

136
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,762
‐ Oh, to me.
Is it my turn?

137
00:05:47,762 --> 00:05:49,563
‐ Yeah.

138
00:05:58,973 --> 00:06:00,975
[ both laugh ]

139
00:06:03,047 --> 00:06:08,623
JACINTA: I could be having just,
like, a full storm of emotions

140
00:06:08,623 --> 00:06:10,855
going on inside me.

141
00:06:10,855 --> 00:06:13,928
My mom can just kind of look

142
00:06:13,928 --> 00:06:16,190
and just be like,
"What's going on?"

143
00:06:16,190 --> 00:06:20,534
I'm able to just tell her.

144
00:06:20,534 --> 00:06:21,836
She knows about addiction.

145
00:06:21,836 --> 00:06:23,237
She knows about incarceration.

146
00:06:23,237 --> 00:06:25,239
She knows about...

147
00:06:25,239 --> 00:06:26,971
everything.

148
00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:32,146
‐ A man is facing
multiple charges

149
00:06:32,146 --> 00:06:35,479
after police say they busted
him with a pound of pot.

150
00:06:35,479 --> 00:06:39,614
Police say they found
those drugs during...

151
00:06:39,614 --> 00:06:41,886
ROSEMARY: I did them
with a needle and thread.

152
00:06:41,886 --> 00:06:44,889
I just sat there one day
and went like this.

153
00:06:44,889 --> 00:06:46,020
I don't know why.

154
00:06:46,020 --> 00:06:47,922
I was just young.

155
00:06:47,922 --> 00:06:50,925
And then I got Jacinta's name
over here.

156
00:06:50,925 --> 00:06:54,068
And then I've got Jacinta's
daughter's name over here.

157
00:06:57,531 --> 00:06:59,533
EARNSHAW: How old were you
when you had your kids?

158
00:06:59,533 --> 00:07:03,207
‐ I was 14 when I got pregnant
with Todd,

159
00:07:03,207 --> 00:07:05,910
had him when I was 15,

160
00:07:05,910 --> 00:07:11,545
and I was 16, 17
when I had Jacinta,

161
00:07:11,545 --> 00:07:13,948
and 18 when I had my son, Shaun.

162
00:07:13,948 --> 00:07:18,993
Then, I had a hysterectomy
due to a rape when I ‐‐

163
00:07:18,993 --> 00:07:20,655
When I was 20,

164
00:07:20,655 --> 00:07:22,526
I had a hysterectomy
due to a rape.

165
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:23,798
So I couldn't have
kids after that.

166
00:07:23,798 --> 00:07:27,061
So got lucky that
I had my kids.

167
00:07:29,203 --> 00:07:32,206
Those are my two boys,
Todd and Shaun,

168
00:07:32,206 --> 00:07:35,209
and their two daughters.

169
00:07:35,209 --> 00:07:37,812
That's my granddaughter,
Caylynn.

170
00:07:39,614 --> 00:07:42,276
Jacinta here.
[ laughs ]

171
00:07:42,276 --> 00:07:44,879
I feel that when she leaves,
it's, like...

172
00:07:44,879 --> 00:07:46,150
is it goodbye?

173
00:07:46,150 --> 00:07:48,623
[ voice breaking ] It kills me.

174
00:07:48,623 --> 00:07:51,155
And with the heroin going on,

175
00:07:51,155 --> 00:07:53,157
I keep saying to her,
"Jacint..."

176
00:07:53,157 --> 00:07:55,990
I said, "You can't use,

177
00:07:55,990 --> 00:07:59,133
because the addiction
is gonna suck you in,

178
00:07:59,133 --> 00:08:03,137
and the heroin that people
are selling now is ‐‐

179
00:08:03,137 --> 00:08:04,769
It's not heroin.

180
00:08:04,769 --> 00:08:08,572
It's a ‐‐ It's a drug
that's gonna kill you."

181
00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:10,705
So, it's like,

182
00:08:10,705 --> 00:08:13,247
"I don't even wanna
see her leave."

183
00:08:13,247 --> 00:08:15,680
I wish she could just
stay here...

184
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:17,852
[ sniffles ]

185
00:08:17,852 --> 00:08:20,254
...and wait for me.

186
00:08:51,746 --> 00:08:55,750
JACINTA: Crafts, just to help me
forget what's going on...

187
00:08:55,750 --> 00:08:57,892
but I miss my daughter.

188
00:08:59,824 --> 00:09:03,227
It says, "I love you yesterday,
tomorrow, and today.

189
00:09:03,227 --> 00:09:04,699
Family together at heart,

190
00:09:04,699 --> 00:09:08,102
even in distance never apart."

191
00:09:08,102 --> 00:09:11,105
And I never send them.

192
00:09:11,105 --> 00:09:12,837
I don't know why.

193
00:09:18,072 --> 00:09:21,215
Sometimes, I just feel like
she's okay without me, though.

194
00:09:24,649 --> 00:09:27,652
[ sentimental music plays ]

195
00:09:27,652 --> 00:09:32,126
♪♪

196
00:09:32,126 --> 00:09:36,791
♪♪

197
00:09:36,791 --> 00:09:38,162
My mother has another
three years left

198
00:09:38,162 --> 00:09:41,165
of her sentence.

199
00:09:41,165 --> 00:09:43,768
I feel guilty.

200
00:09:43,768 --> 00:09:46,040
There's really
no way to prepare

201
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,902
for leaving her.

202
00:09:56,811 --> 00:09:58,683
[ insects chirping ]

203
00:10:12,867 --> 00:10:14,368
WOMAN: Good luck.

204
00:10:14,368 --> 00:10:16,100
‐ Thanks.

205
00:10:18,032 --> 00:10:19,904
WOMAN #2: Be good.
Stay outta here.

206
00:10:24,438 --> 00:10:26,040
ROSEMARY: Okay?

207
00:10:28,242 --> 00:10:29,844
I love you.

208
00:10:31,385 --> 00:10:34,118
JACINTA: I love you.

209
00:10:34,118 --> 00:10:36,290
[ voice breaking ] Go, Mom.

210
00:10:36,290 --> 00:10:38,292
ROSEMARY: You go.

211
00:10:38,292 --> 00:10:39,754
Stay strong.

212
00:10:50,364 --> 00:10:52,106
‐ I love you, Mom.

213
00:10:57,171 --> 00:10:59,173
[ police radio chatter ]

214
00:11:04,048 --> 00:11:07,451
Fucking stop it
from happening!

215
00:11:07,451 --> 00:11:09,053
[ sobbing ]

216
00:11:09,053 --> 00:11:10,785
OFFICER: You're almost out.

217
00:11:10,785 --> 00:11:12,326
Don't do that.

218
00:11:24,799 --> 00:11:26,340
‐ There they are.

219
00:11:26,340 --> 00:11:28,202
OFFICER #2: Over there?
JACINTA: Yep.

220
00:11:29,874 --> 00:11:32,406
OFFICER #2: Alright.
Good luck. Stay out of here.

221
00:11:39,784 --> 00:11:41,185
[ engine starts ]

222
00:11:41,185 --> 00:11:43,317
‐ You look good.
JACINTA: Thank you.

223
00:11:43,317 --> 00:11:44,919
‐ Damn.
RICK: Hey, baby.

224
00:11:44,919 --> 00:11:46,320
‐ Hi, Daddy.

225
00:11:53,798 --> 00:11:56,200
You okay?

226
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,072
‐ What are you crying for?
I'm going home now.

227
00:11:58,072 --> 00:12:01,205
‐ I'm happy. I'm happy.
I'm happy.

228
00:12:01,205 --> 00:12:03,207
JACINTA: You're excited.

229
00:12:03,207 --> 00:12:04,478
RICK: Yeah.

230
00:12:06,210 --> 00:12:07,211
‐ You look good.

231
00:12:08,542 --> 00:12:11,145
[ radio plays indistinctly ]

232
00:12:11,145 --> 00:12:14,388
DEEJAY: WYMZ, WYMZ HD,
South Portland.

233
00:12:14,388 --> 00:12:16,851
‐ Do it again. Aaah!

234
00:12:16,851 --> 00:12:19,523
THE ALLMAN BROTHERS: ♪ And when
it's time for leavin' ♪

235
00:12:19,523 --> 00:12:21,095
♪ I hope you'll understand ♪

236
00:12:21,095 --> 00:12:23,097
‐ I don't understand
these people around here.

237
00:12:23,097 --> 00:12:26,500
What is wrong with
letting somebody in?

238
00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:29,133
‐ It's not ‐‐ It's closed.

239
00:12:29,133 --> 00:12:30,264
‐ It's not closed.

240
00:12:30,264 --> 00:12:32,536
You just have to...

241
00:12:32,536 --> 00:12:34,408
SHAWN: I can't do it.
JACINTA: Yeah, you can.

242
00:12:34,408 --> 00:12:35,409
SHAWN: No, I can't.

243
00:12:35,409 --> 00:12:36,470
‐ Just do it.

244
00:12:36,470 --> 00:12:38,843
‐ Aw, man.

245
00:12:38,843 --> 00:12:40,374
Jacinta...

246
00:12:42,947 --> 00:12:44,348
I can't do it.
I can't do it.

247
00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:46,080
‐ I felt it.
It was in.

248
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:48,552
SHAWN: Yeah, halfway.
Not the back.

249
00:12:48,552 --> 00:12:50,024
You ready?
‐ Yeah.

250
00:12:50,024 --> 00:12:51,425
‐ Oh, it went through.

251
00:12:51,425 --> 00:12:53,027
‐ See?

252
00:12:57,061 --> 00:12:58,593
‐ This is delicious.

253
00:13:02,396 --> 00:13:04,869
‐ It's a cinnamon bun.

254
00:13:11,005 --> 00:13:11,976
[ laughter ]

255
00:13:19,413 --> 00:13:21,555
WOMAN: Living room, office,

256
00:13:21,555 --> 00:13:24,158
meditation room.

257
00:13:24,158 --> 00:13:25,559
‐ It's so pretty.

258
00:13:25,559 --> 00:13:27,421
WOMAN: Aw, thanks.

259
00:13:27,421 --> 00:13:29,493
‐ And so this is the other
available spot,

260
00:13:29,493 --> 00:13:32,096
and then this has its own entry
and staircase.

261
00:13:32,096 --> 00:13:34,228
So you can choose
whichever room.

262
00:13:34,228 --> 00:13:35,600
‐ I like this room right here.
‐ This one?

263
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,031
‐ Yeah.
‐ Okay. Yeah.

264
00:13:37,031 --> 00:13:38,673
So, we'll just bring
your stuff up.

265
00:13:45,309 --> 00:13:47,441
WOMAN: Katie?
She's right there. Ask her.

266
00:13:47,441 --> 00:13:49,914
KATIE: Like, staying the night?
‐ I asked her today.

267
00:13:49,914 --> 00:13:51,916
She doesn't really want
to stay the night right away.

268
00:13:51,916 --> 00:13:53,588
So, it it probably ‐‐
if it would be,

269
00:13:53,588 --> 00:13:55,289
it wouldn't be for a while.
KATIE: Yeah.

270
00:13:55,289 --> 00:13:57,151
WOMAN: And then,
there's a sleeper couch

271
00:13:57,151 --> 00:13:59,423
down here, too, if she did.

272
00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:01,395
‐ Yeah, I mean,
that's fine, yeah.

273
00:14:01,395 --> 00:14:03,027
‐ She said she would want
to come visit,

274
00:14:03,027 --> 00:14:06,160
but she was like, "Yeah, no.

275
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:07,501
I don't want to really
stay the night."

276
00:14:07,501 --> 00:14:11,105
So, she's also kind of like,

277
00:14:11,105 --> 00:14:12,506
"Well, I don't want
to get comfortable.

278
00:14:12,506 --> 00:14:14,108
I don't even know
if you're gonna stay clean.

279
00:14:14,108 --> 00:14:15,970
So I can't really ‐‐

280
00:14:15,970 --> 00:14:17,341
WOMAN: Fair enough, right?
‐ Yeah.

281
00:14:17,341 --> 00:14:19,273
WOMAN #2: We'll make sure
you stay clean out here.

282
00:14:19,273 --> 00:14:21,415
JACINTA: [ chuckles ]
‐ Mama will make sure you do.

283
00:14:21,415 --> 00:14:22,677
JACINTA: Thanks. Okay.

284
00:14:22,677 --> 00:14:24,679
WOMAN: Yeah.

285
00:14:24,679 --> 00:14:26,450
Tuesday night is house night,

286
00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:28,582
so we have
our house meeting here,

287
00:14:28,582 --> 00:14:30,725
where I meet
with all the residents.

288
00:14:30,725 --> 00:14:33,588
We talk about any house issues,
assign chores,

289
00:14:33,588 --> 00:14:36,330
whatever we need to do.
RICK: Yep.

290
00:14:36,330 --> 00:14:39,333
‐ And then Friday night
is a mandatory AA meeting here

291
00:14:39,333 --> 00:14:42,066
in Gorham that they all go to.
‐ Which we love.

292
00:14:42,066 --> 00:14:43,467
WOMAN: Good.
WOMAN #2: I love that meeting.

293
00:14:43,467 --> 00:14:46,500
WOMAN:
So, there's plenty of meeting.

294
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:48,102
WOMAN #2: Bye.

295
00:14:48,102 --> 00:14:50,244
[ chuckles ]

296
00:14:50,244 --> 00:14:52,176
[ engine starts ]
‐ She seems alright.

297
00:14:52,176 --> 00:14:54,008
WOMAN #2: Yeah, she is.

298
00:14:54,008 --> 00:14:56,410
She works here on Tuesday ‐‐
‐ So is this staffed at night?

299
00:14:56,410 --> 00:14:58,152
‐ No.

300
00:14:58,152 --> 00:14:59,553
Not at all.

301
00:14:59,553 --> 00:15:02,116
‐ No, but there's cameras
every place, Jacinta.

302
00:15:02,116 --> 00:15:03,387
‐ Dad, that's not what
I was thinking.

303
00:15:03,387 --> 00:15:05,019
‐ Okay.
I'm just letting you know.

304
00:15:05,019 --> 00:15:06,621
‐ You won't be doing anything

305
00:15:06,621 --> 00:15:08,162
you'd be getting told on,
anyways.

306
00:15:08,162 --> 00:15:09,624
‐ No, she won't 'cause
I'll kick her ass.

307
00:15:09,624 --> 00:15:10,995
‐ No, that's not ‐‐
‐ Her brother will kick her ass.

308
00:15:10,995 --> 00:15:12,566
‐ I will kick her ass.

309
00:15:12,566 --> 00:15:14,398
RICK: Daddy can see everything.

310
00:15:14,398 --> 00:15:18,272
‐ No, we all see everything.

311
00:15:18,272 --> 00:15:21,405
[ TV plays indistinctly ]

312
00:15:22,576 --> 00:15:24,478
‐ Yeah,
But I'm your star pupil.

313
00:15:24,478 --> 00:15:26,280
‐ No one comes even closer.

314
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:30,014
I've been tutoring Franky
for the last 12 months.

315
00:15:40,154 --> 00:15:43,698
WOMAN: Sometimes, you only get
one second chance, you know?

316
00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:47,331
Then if you're go
and use again,

317
00:15:47,331 --> 00:15:50,334
there may not be,

318
00:15:50,334 --> 00:15:53,608
you know, a second chance,
'cause you may not live.

319
00:15:53,608 --> 00:15:55,509
[ scoffs ]

320
00:15:55,509 --> 00:15:58,242
A guy was telling me,
a friend that came out used,

321
00:15:58,242 --> 00:16:00,675
and she died

322
00:16:00,675 --> 00:16:03,417
after being in county
for four months.

323
00:16:03,417 --> 00:16:04,679
She used once, and she's dead.

324
00:16:04,679 --> 00:16:07,451
She was only 27 years old,

325
00:16:07,451 --> 00:16:10,584
leaving behind a 10‐year‐old son
and a 4‐year‐old daughter.

326
00:16:12,486 --> 00:16:13,628
Yep.

327
00:16:21,335 --> 00:16:23,838
[ camera shutter clicks ]

328
00:16:23,838 --> 00:16:25,339
[ camera shutter clicks ]

329
00:16:27,742 --> 00:16:30,204
JACINTA: Every other time
I've gotten out,

330
00:16:30,204 --> 00:16:32,607
I use heroin.

331
00:16:32,607 --> 00:16:35,349
Didn't miss a beat.

332
00:16:35,349 --> 00:16:37,351
It's all I know.

333
00:16:39,714 --> 00:16:42,587
I haven't seen my daughter
in 10 months.

334
00:16:42,587 --> 00:16:44,589
I'm excited,

335
00:16:44,589 --> 00:16:46,721
but I need to feel
strong enough.

336
00:16:49,864 --> 00:16:51,626
[ music plays indistinctly ]

337
00:16:51,626 --> 00:16:53,497
ANNOUNCER: A salute
to this great country

338
00:16:53,497 --> 00:16:55,770
is coming up
a little bit later on,

339
00:16:55,770 --> 00:16:58,232
plus the best
fireworks display.

340
00:16:58,232 --> 00:17:00,434
We're glad you're here!

341
00:17:00,434 --> 00:17:02,436
‐ Breaking all the rules.

342
00:17:02,436 --> 00:17:04,578
WOMAN: Who?
‐ [ chuckles ]

343
00:17:04,578 --> 00:17:07,241
ANNOUNCER: Bonnie Harrison
in car number 12.

344
00:17:07,241 --> 00:17:09,513
Make some noise!

345
00:17:09,513 --> 00:17:11,245
[ cheers and applause ]

346
00:17:13,748 --> 00:17:15,750
‐ I'm with the sober house.

347
00:17:22,857 --> 00:17:25,459
I had Caylynn when I was 16.

348
00:17:26,661 --> 00:17:29,133
When she was just 3 years old,

349
00:17:29,133 --> 00:17:33,267
I was at St. Audrey's Group Home
with Caylynn.

350
00:17:33,267 --> 00:17:36,841
I was on like six or seven meds.

351
00:17:36,841 --> 00:17:39,844
I had been on lithium
since I was 14 years old.

352
00:17:39,844 --> 00:17:43,317
The youth center put me on it.

353
00:17:43,317 --> 00:17:46,881
I got lithium intoxication.
My kidneys shut down.

354
00:17:46,881 --> 00:17:50,625
They took me off
all my medications.

355
00:17:50,625 --> 00:17:53,628
Coming off all those meds
was just too much.

356
00:17:56,230 --> 00:17:57,632
I asked her grandmother,

357
00:17:57,632 --> 00:17:59,163
"Can you just take Caylynn
for a little while

358
00:17:59,163 --> 00:18:00,835
until I get my head together?"

359
00:18:08,402 --> 00:18:09,844
Last thing I said to Caylynn is,
"I promise you,

360
00:18:09,844 --> 00:18:12,747
I will be back for you."

361
00:18:12,747 --> 00:18:14,308
Just promising myself,
go back for her,

362
00:18:14,308 --> 00:18:16,310
go back for her,
go back for her.

363
00:18:18,512 --> 00:18:20,655
10 years later,
my kid's still there.

364
00:18:40,574 --> 00:18:42,877
You know, sometimes,
it scares me that, like,

365
00:18:42,877 --> 00:18:46,340
I almost feel, like...

366
00:18:46,340 --> 00:18:48,312
in my mind...

367
00:18:48,312 --> 00:18:49,583
'Cause, like, I think,
"Oh, my God.

368
00:18:49,583 --> 00:18:50,715
I've been out
for almost two weeks,

369
00:18:50,715 --> 00:18:51,986
and I haven't gotten high."

370
00:18:51,986 --> 00:18:54,318
That's amazing for me.

371
00:18:54,318 --> 00:18:55,850
I've never done that.

372
00:18:55,850 --> 00:18:57,251
WOMAN: Are you
proud of yourself?

373
00:18:57,251 --> 00:18:58,623
‐ I am.
WOMAN: Good.

374
00:18:58,623 --> 00:19:01,896
‐ But then, like,
I'm not capable of being strong,

375
00:19:01,896 --> 00:19:04,358
so like...

376
00:19:04,358 --> 00:19:06,260
WOMAN:
Why would you say that?

377
00:19:06,260 --> 00:19:08,633
‐ Because it just doesn't
happen like that for me.

378
00:19:08,633 --> 00:19:11,365
So it's like I'm waiting
for this bombshell,

379
00:19:11,365 --> 00:19:13,768
and every day, it's like...

380
00:19:13,768 --> 00:19:15,910
I'm just like, oh,
don't let it be today.

381
00:19:15,910 --> 00:19:19,243
Like, don't let today
be that day.

382
00:19:19,243 --> 00:19:20,645
WOMAN: When you're
constantly waiting

383
00:19:20,645 --> 00:19:22,617
for the other shoe to drop,

384
00:19:22,617 --> 00:19:25,880
it becomes a situation
of self‐sabotage.

385
00:19:29,383 --> 00:19:31,255
Every night,
before you go to sleep,

386
00:19:31,255 --> 00:19:32,627
I want you to write

387
00:19:32,627 --> 00:19:35,359
three to five things
that you're grateful for.

388
00:19:35,359 --> 00:19:37,361
Okay?

389
00:19:42,637 --> 00:19:44,038
[ dog barks ]

390
00:19:47,341 --> 00:19:48,502
RICK: What are you doing here?

391
00:19:48,502 --> 00:19:49,644
JACINTA: What are
you doing here?

392
00:19:49,644 --> 00:19:50,645
This is my home.

393
00:19:50,645 --> 00:19:51,646
RICK: Yeah, right!

394
00:19:51,646 --> 00:19:53,347
[ both groan ]

395
00:19:53,347 --> 00:19:57,782
Where's this new tattoo
you got there, sweetheart?

396
00:19:57,782 --> 00:19:59,513
Nice.

397
00:20:01,385 --> 00:20:03,818
‐ Does it hurt?
‐ [ laughs ]

398
00:20:03,818 --> 00:20:05,960
RICK: You know what
her best tattoo is?

399
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,692
On her wrist,
"Daddy's Girl."

400
00:20:07,692 --> 00:20:09,563
BILLIE: Is it?
‐ I've got to get it darkened.

401
00:20:09,563 --> 00:20:11,025
Yeah, read it.

402
00:20:11,025 --> 00:20:14,498
[ baby coos ]

403
00:20:14,498 --> 00:20:16,500
[ chuckles ]
Hi, little guy.

404
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:18,372
What's up, buddy?

405
00:20:21,736 --> 00:20:23,307
Puke all over me.

406
00:20:23,307 --> 00:20:25,579
‐ Your brother was
holding him up like this.

407
00:20:25,579 --> 00:20:28,482
Puked all down him
and didn't even phase him.

408
00:20:28,482 --> 00:20:29,744
He's like, "Hey,
will you grab me something?"

409
00:20:29,744 --> 00:20:32,917
And I'm, like,
about to puke myself.

410
00:20:32,917 --> 00:20:35,349
‐ Listen, if I wanted
any shit from you,

411
00:20:35,349 --> 00:20:36,550
I'd ask for it.

412
00:20:36,550 --> 00:20:38,653
Yeah!

413
00:20:38,653 --> 00:20:41,355
[ dogs bark ]

414
00:20:41,355 --> 00:20:45,359
SHAUN: Me and my sister,
we kind of had it the same.

415
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:46,801
When I was 18,

416
00:20:46,801 --> 00:20:49,934
I went to prison myself
for drinking and driving.

417
00:20:49,934 --> 00:20:53,337
You know, she grew up here.

418
00:20:53,337 --> 00:20:54,839
She was lucky to have

419
00:20:54,839 --> 00:20:57,712
her biological father

420
00:20:57,712 --> 00:21:00,444
be able to take care of her...

421
00:21:02,376 --> 00:21:06,520
...'cause my mom's always
been off and running.

422
00:21:10,855 --> 00:21:13,588
‐ Boy, I haven't been through
these drawers in forever.

423
00:21:15,730 --> 00:21:17,862
That's Jacinta
when she was a baby.

424
00:21:19,964 --> 00:21:22,967
EARNSHAW: When did you
and Rosemary split up?

425
00:21:22,967 --> 00:21:24,368
[ sighing ] Oh...

426
00:21:24,368 --> 00:21:25,770
Actually, we split up

427
00:21:25,770 --> 00:21:29,043
before Jacinta was born.

428
00:21:29,043 --> 00:21:31,375
And then we tried
to get back together,

429
00:21:31,375 --> 00:21:33,447
and it didn't work out so well

430
00:21:33,447 --> 00:21:35,009
because she was going through

431
00:21:35,009 --> 00:21:37,782
whatever she was going through
at that time.

432
00:21:37,782 --> 00:21:39,053
I used to go get Jacinta

433
00:21:39,053 --> 00:21:41,616
and then, of course,
bring her back.

434
00:21:44,518 --> 00:21:46,390
I wish I could really
remember the date

435
00:21:46,390 --> 00:21:49,924
and how old she was
when I got custody of her.

436
00:21:52,697 --> 00:21:53,968
Hmm.

437
00:21:56,701 --> 00:21:58,703
[ music plays indistinctly ]

438
00:22:02,707 --> 00:22:03,938
JACINTA: I love this song.

439
00:22:08,983 --> 00:22:12,446
This used to be the biggest
crack house in town.

440
00:22:12,446 --> 00:22:13,648
Freddy used to live here.

441
00:22:13,648 --> 00:22:15,149
He was, like, my best friend,

442
00:22:15,149 --> 00:22:18,552
but he was, like, the biggest
drug dealer around here.

443
00:22:18,552 --> 00:22:19,794
Okay, this guy,
Chuck, right here,

444
00:22:19,794 --> 00:22:21,926
the guy with
the black shirt on...

445
00:22:21,926 --> 00:22:24,899
he runs for mayor every year.

446
00:22:24,899 --> 00:22:28,032
He thinks all the prostitutes
are going to, like...

447
00:22:28,032 --> 00:22:30,905
get together
and make him rich.

448
00:22:32,607 --> 00:22:33,608
Keith!

449
00:22:36,110 --> 00:22:37,111
Why?

450
00:22:38,973 --> 00:22:40,444
I've been out for a while.

451
00:22:42,647 --> 00:22:43,648
Thank you.

452
00:22:44,779 --> 00:22:46,921
Thank you.

453
00:22:46,921 --> 00:22:49,654
[ horn honks ]

454
00:23:05,499 --> 00:23:07,772
‐ Honestly...

455
00:23:07,772 --> 00:23:09,774
she don't need
to see those people.

456
00:23:09,774 --> 00:23:11,746
She doesn't.

457
00:23:11,746 --> 00:23:14,649
You know,
she's got so many friends that

458
00:23:14,649 --> 00:23:16,510
they all did wrong,

459
00:23:16,510 --> 00:23:19,183
and it seems like bam.

460
00:23:21,485 --> 00:23:23,888
I don't know.

461
00:23:23,888 --> 00:23:25,890
I‐I'm just glad
nothing happened.

462
00:23:25,890 --> 00:23:28,262
I really am.

463
00:23:28,262 --> 00:23:30,725
[ somber music plays ]

464
00:23:30,725 --> 00:23:34,068
♪♪

465
00:23:34,068 --> 00:23:37,632
♪♪

466
00:23:37,632 --> 00:23:39,503
JACINTA: I have dreams.

467
00:23:39,503 --> 00:23:41,505
The dreams are weird.

468
00:23:41,505 --> 00:23:45,640
Like Caylynn behind a door...

469
00:23:47,541 --> 00:23:49,944
...crying.

470
00:23:49,944 --> 00:23:54,689
I hear Cay, but I can't ‐‐
can't see anything around me.

471
00:23:54,689 --> 00:23:57,221
I try to get to her, and then
I go to touch the door knob,

472
00:23:57,221 --> 00:23:58,923
and it's too hot.

473
00:23:58,923 --> 00:24:02,526
I can't get to the other side.

474
00:24:02,526 --> 00:24:04,298
And the nights
that I don't have dreams.

475
00:24:04,298 --> 00:24:07,161
I wake up every hour.

476
00:24:07,161 --> 00:24:09,634
And then once I wake up,
I can't sleep.

477
00:24:29,023 --> 00:24:30,755
JACINTA: Hi.

478
00:24:30,755 --> 00:24:33,828
CAYLYNN: [ screams ]

479
00:24:33,828 --> 00:24:34,929
‐ What's the matter?

480
00:24:34,929 --> 00:24:36,661
‐ [ laughs ] I can't breathe.

481
00:24:36,661 --> 00:24:37,992
‐ I thought you were stronger
than me.

482
00:24:37,992 --> 00:24:41,065
‐ [ laughs ] Well,
not when I'm pinned down.

483
00:24:41,065 --> 00:24:42,697
‐ Well, that was the point.

484
00:24:42,697 --> 00:24:45,700
‐ [ screams ] Stop, Mom!

485
00:24:45,700 --> 00:24:47,101
[ both laugh ]

486
00:24:47,101 --> 00:24:49,573
‐ Are you still
stronger than me?

487
00:24:49,573 --> 00:24:51,846
Are you still stronger than me?
‐ No.

488
00:24:51,846 --> 00:24:54,709
‐ What?
‐ You're way stronger than I am.

489
00:24:54,709 --> 00:24:56,981
‐ Say it again?
‐ You're way stronger than I am.

490
00:24:56,981 --> 00:24:58,983
‐ Are you gonna kiss me?
‐ Yes!

491
00:24:58,983 --> 00:25:00,785
‐ Promise?
‐ I promise.

492
00:25:00,785 --> 00:25:02,917
‐ Alright.

493
00:25:02,917 --> 00:25:06,661
Now kiss me.

494
00:25:06,661 --> 00:25:08,923
Go like this.
Go like this.

495
00:25:08,923 --> 00:25:10,795
There you ‐‐ No.

496
00:25:10,795 --> 00:25:12,897
Tighten up.
There you go.

497
00:25:12,897 --> 00:25:14,168
Bam.
‐ Bam.

498
00:25:14,168 --> 00:25:15,229
‐ That's how you do it.
Straight on.

499
00:25:15,229 --> 00:25:16,200
Bam.

500
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:17,932
‐ Bam.

501
00:25:17,932 --> 00:25:21,235
‐ No, like this.

502
00:25:21,235 --> 00:25:22,276
There you go.

503
00:25:22,276 --> 00:25:23,708
Bam.

504
00:25:26,110 --> 00:25:27,281
Do you like these ones?

505
00:25:27,281 --> 00:25:29,714
‐ I like them better.

506
00:25:29,714 --> 00:25:31,616
‐ Get them both.

507
00:25:31,616 --> 00:25:33,888
Get them both.

508
00:25:33,888 --> 00:25:36,120
WANDA: Why are getting that kind
of stuff during summer?

509
00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:37,652
You're gonna be hot.

510
00:25:37,652 --> 00:25:39,954
You're not gonna wear that.

511
00:25:39,954 --> 00:25:41,856
‐ Mommy picked it out.
‐ She likes them.

512
00:25:43,197 --> 00:25:44,629
[ chuckles ]

513
00:25:44,629 --> 00:25:46,200
‐ You can wear them whenever,
I guess,

514
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,132
but you're gonna need shorts.

515
00:25:53,638 --> 00:25:57,411
WANDA: John and I took Caylynn
when she was 3 years old.

516
00:25:57,411 --> 00:26:00,645
They won't see each other
for years at a time,

517
00:26:00,645 --> 00:26:02,176
and the minute they're together,

518
00:26:02,176 --> 00:26:06,320
it's like they never
left each other, ever.

519
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:09,083
Caylynn's father is my son,
Eric.

520
00:26:09,083 --> 00:26:11,155
He's currently incarcerated.

521
00:26:11,155 --> 00:26:13,227
For her,
sometimes with her father,

522
00:26:13,227 --> 00:26:17,031
it was awkward here and there
after not being around him.

523
00:26:17,031 --> 00:26:19,233
Not with her mother.
It's never awkward.

524
00:26:19,233 --> 00:26:22,266
It's just
an automatic connection

525
00:26:22,266 --> 00:26:23,998
the minute they see each other.

526
00:26:27,802 --> 00:26:32,106
When Jacinta
delivered Caylynn...

527
00:26:32,106 --> 00:26:35,249
right after she had her,

528
00:26:35,249 --> 00:26:39,814
I was thinking, "Oh, this
is gonna be an amazing mother."

529
00:26:39,814 --> 00:26:42,156
'Cause she looked at me,
and she said,

530
00:26:42,156 --> 00:26:46,460
"How do you love somebody
so much that you've never met?"

531
00:26:49,093 --> 00:26:52,897
Just to have that much love
for your child...

532
00:26:52,897 --> 00:26:54,969
How do you let that go?

533
00:27:05,740 --> 00:27:07,812
CAYLYNN: Why?

534
00:27:07,812 --> 00:27:11,085
JACINTA: Because I want
to take a job, Cay.

535
00:27:11,085 --> 00:27:13,788
‐ I don't want you to.
JACINTA: Why?

536
00:27:16,020 --> 00:27:19,824
‐ 'Cause I think that
that's just...

537
00:27:19,824 --> 00:27:22,356
a better place.

538
00:27:22,356 --> 00:27:24,298
They are really trying
to help you there,

539
00:27:24,298 --> 00:27:25,860
and you said it yourself,

540
00:27:25,860 --> 00:27:29,263
that that was your choice
and nobody else's,

541
00:27:29,263 --> 00:27:31,866
but that was a good choice,

542
00:27:31,866 --> 00:27:35,840
and I don't know why
you're gonna quit.

543
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,773
I was hoping you'd stay there
for a while.

544
00:27:47,081 --> 00:27:49,784
You have anything to say?

545
00:27:49,784 --> 00:27:54,188
JACINTA: I understand what
you're saying, and...

546
00:27:54,188 --> 00:27:56,991
I don't mind staying
at the sober house.

547
00:27:56,991 --> 00:27:58,893
I just ‐‐ I ‐‐

548
00:27:58,893 --> 00:28:03,197
Getting a job
and moving forward...

549
00:28:03,197 --> 00:28:06,300
it's something
that I feel I need to do.

550
00:28:06,300 --> 00:28:10,004
‐ Well, what if it doesn't work?

551
00:28:10,004 --> 00:28:12,476
What if the sober house
is the only thing

552
00:28:12,476 --> 00:28:14,548
that's keeping you

553
00:28:14,548 --> 00:28:17,151
going the way
you're supposed to?

554
00:28:24,518 --> 00:28:27,021
I don't know.
You can do whatever you want.

555
00:28:34,098 --> 00:28:36,330
[ speaks indistinctly ]

556
00:28:36,330 --> 00:28:39,073
‐ It's getting hot.

557
00:28:39,073 --> 00:28:41,135
I don't know why
this thing is not working.

558
00:28:41,135 --> 00:28:42,837
It's pissing me off, though.

559
00:28:46,340 --> 00:28:47,912
‐ Mommy...

560
00:28:47,912 --> 00:28:49,283
‐ What?

561
00:28:49,283 --> 00:28:51,345
‐ It's okay.

562
00:28:51,345 --> 00:28:54,118
Let's just move on
with our lives.

563
00:28:54,118 --> 00:28:56,520
‐ I need my purse.

564
00:28:56,520 --> 00:29:00,524
‐ ♪ My child,
it's gonna be alright ♪

565
00:29:00,524 --> 00:29:02,096
‐ Can you go see if I have
a lighter in my purse?

566
00:29:02,096 --> 00:29:03,958
‐ No.
‐ Please?

567
00:29:03,958 --> 00:29:05,329
‐ No.
‐ [ chuckles ]

568
00:29:05,329 --> 00:29:07,061
Can you go get me my purse?

569
00:29:07,061 --> 00:29:08,532
‐ Over my dead body.

570
00:29:08,532 --> 00:29:11,065
‐ Please?
‐ No.

571
00:29:11,065 --> 00:29:13,007
‐ Alright.
I got to get my purse.

572
00:29:13,007 --> 00:29:14,909
‐ No.
‐ Yeah.

573
00:29:14,909 --> 00:29:16,611
‐ Over my dead body.

574
00:29:16,611 --> 00:29:18,873
‐ I'm going to get my purse.
‐ No, you're not.

575
00:29:18,873 --> 00:29:20,945
‐ Yeah, I am.
‐ Do you love me?

576
00:29:20,945 --> 00:29:23,177
‐ Yes, but I'm still going
to get my purse.

577
00:29:23,177 --> 00:29:24,218
‐ Why?

578
00:29:24,218 --> 00:29:26,020
‐ 'Cause I need a lighter.

579
00:29:26,020 --> 00:29:28,082
‐ Why?
‐ 'Cause.

580
00:29:28,082 --> 00:29:29,984
‐ 'Cause why?

581
00:29:44,438 --> 00:29:46,170
‐ You know, there's a...

582
00:29:46,170 --> 00:29:48,072
house...

583
00:29:48,072 --> 00:29:51,505
down on my road,

584
00:29:51,505 --> 00:29:56,350
and it's a nice house,

585
00:29:56,350 --> 00:30:01,886
and it's, like, empty.

586
00:30:01,886 --> 00:30:03,387
You could maybe get it

587
00:30:03,387 --> 00:30:07,191
if you save enough money.

588
00:30:07,191 --> 00:30:09,594
‐ Oh, yeah?
‐ Yeah.

589
00:30:13,097 --> 00:30:16,270
So that way,
whenever I wanted to see you,

590
00:30:16,270 --> 00:30:20,134
just walk down.
‐ [ laughs ]

591
00:30:20,134 --> 00:30:23,237
And we can have sleep‐overs

592
00:30:23,237 --> 00:30:25,139
all the time.

593
00:30:27,211 --> 00:30:29,283
That would be fun.

594
00:30:29,283 --> 00:30:32,386
[ chuckles ]

595
00:30:35,590 --> 00:30:37,151
‐ I had good day.

596
00:30:37,151 --> 00:30:38,623
‐ Me too.

597
00:30:38,623 --> 00:30:40,354
WANDA: Remember that?

598
00:30:40,354 --> 00:30:42,597
This is supposed to be put away
with my stuff.

599
00:30:42,597 --> 00:30:44,498
‐ [ chuckles ]

600
00:30:44,498 --> 00:30:45,529
‐ Do you?
‐ What's that?

601
00:30:45,529 --> 00:30:46,931
‐ Yeah.
‐ What is it?

602
00:30:46,931 --> 00:30:48,633
‐ Your mother got me that.

603
00:30:48,633 --> 00:30:51,205
‐ Really?
‐ Yeah.

604
00:30:51,205 --> 00:30:54,308
I think it was a Mother's Day
or something years ago.

605
00:30:54,308 --> 00:30:57,341
It's for knickknacks.

606
00:30:57,341 --> 00:30:59,944
‐ I love you.
‐ I love you, too.

607
00:31:01,946 --> 00:31:02,977
‐ Thank you.

608
00:31:02,977 --> 00:31:04,348
‐ Please.

609
00:31:24,168 --> 00:31:25,670
‐ Love you.

610
00:31:25,670 --> 00:31:29,143
WANDA: I love you, too.

611
00:31:29,143 --> 00:31:31,545
‐ Don't cry, baby.

612
00:31:31,545 --> 00:31:33,608
CAYLYNN: [ crying ]

613
00:31:47,692 --> 00:31:49,764
‐ I'm gonna see you Friday.

614
00:31:58,673 --> 00:32:01,105
‐ Probably we'll see you Friday.

615
00:32:02,406 --> 00:32:05,009
Thank you for coming up.
JACINTA: Bye.

616
00:32:17,221 --> 00:32:20,494
[ sentimental music plays ]

617
00:32:20,494 --> 00:32:25,660
♪♪

618
00:32:25,660 --> 00:32:30,805
♪♪

619
00:32:30,805 --> 00:32:36,170
♪♪

620
00:32:36,170 --> 00:32:41,315
♪♪

621
00:32:41,315 --> 00:32:43,217
What are you doing?

622
00:32:46,651 --> 00:32:50,284
Um, nothing.

623
00:32:50,284 --> 00:32:51,826
[ chuckles ]

624
00:32:51,826 --> 00:32:53,257
Nothing.

625
00:32:53,257 --> 00:32:56,190
Um...

626
00:32:56,190 --> 00:32:59,463
I am on my way to Gorham,

627
00:32:59,463 --> 00:33:02,737
but I really, really want
to get high right now.

628
00:33:07,742 --> 00:33:09,303
So...

629
00:33:09,303 --> 00:33:12,076
[ chuckles ]

630
00:33:21,185 --> 00:33:24,288
Like, five minutes.

631
00:33:26,090 --> 00:33:27,692
Alright.

632
00:33:27,692 --> 00:33:29,263
Alright. Bye.

633
00:33:38,232 --> 00:33:40,134
EARNSHAW: What are you gonna do?

634
00:33:40,134 --> 00:33:42,376
‐ I'm gonna get high.

635
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:49,644
You can't have that camera on.

636
00:33:49,644 --> 00:33:52,847
You should
probably shut that off now.

637
00:33:52,847 --> 00:33:54,749
[ car door shuts ]

638
00:34:14,168 --> 00:34:16,410
Thanks for not leaving me.

639
00:34:19,573 --> 00:34:21,475
I can't...

640
00:34:23,718 --> 00:34:26,150
can't put myself
through this again.

641
00:34:26,150 --> 00:34:28,382
I cannot believe I fuckin'

642
00:34:28,382 --> 00:34:32,186
really went through with it.

643
00:34:32,186 --> 00:34:33,688
Oh, my God.

644
00:34:33,688 --> 00:34:35,690
[ voice breaking ] Like, I...

645
00:34:35,690 --> 00:34:38,763
literally was, like,

646
00:34:38,763 --> 00:34:40,665
talking myself out

647
00:34:40,665 --> 00:34:43,598
of not talking myself out of it.

648
00:34:43,598 --> 00:34:46,370
Like...

649
00:34:46,370 --> 00:34:48,773
I don't get it.

650
00:34:52,376 --> 00:34:54,779
I'm never gonna be a mom.

651
00:35:01,585 --> 00:35:04,689
[ somber music plays ]

652
00:35:04,689 --> 00:35:10,364
♪♪

653
00:35:10,364 --> 00:35:15,870
♪♪

654
00:35:15,870 --> 00:35:21,535
♪♪

655
00:35:21,535 --> 00:35:22,977
I went to see my daughter,

656
00:35:22,977 --> 00:35:28,643
and I just had so many emotions
going through me.

657
00:35:28,643 --> 00:35:30,214
It's almost like

658
00:35:30,214 --> 00:35:34,348
I was holding off to that point.

659
00:35:34,348 --> 00:35:35,549
Alright.
Look, I did it.

660
00:35:35,549 --> 00:35:38,492
Like, I made it to see her.

661
00:35:38,492 --> 00:35:41,926
I'm not a bad person,,

662
00:35:41,926 --> 00:35:44,699
and I hear people
talk about people ‐‐

663
00:35:44,699 --> 00:35:46,500
"Oh, this person got out.

664
00:35:46,500 --> 00:35:48,402
She didn't even go see her kid.

665
00:35:48,402 --> 00:35:51,335
She got high."

666
00:35:51,335 --> 00:35:54,268
It's almost worse to go see them

667
00:35:54,268 --> 00:35:57,872
and then get high
and not go back

668
00:35:57,872 --> 00:36:00,314
than it is
to just not go at all.

669
00:36:02,847 --> 00:36:06,320
Take it from me ‐‐
I used to get so mad at my mom.

670
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:07,922
Why'd you even come?

671
00:36:07,922 --> 00:36:09,724
Why'd you even come?

672
00:36:19,293 --> 00:36:20,995
WOMAN: What do you got
to say for yourself?

673
00:36:27,001 --> 00:36:28,743
You've got a house full of women

674
00:36:28,743 --> 00:36:31,505
that were scared to death
for you last night.

675
00:36:33,347 --> 00:36:34,548
You can't come back
to the house.

676
00:36:34,548 --> 00:36:36,851
You know that, right?

677
00:36:36,851 --> 00:36:39,283
Did you think I was
gonna let you back in?

678
00:36:39,283 --> 00:36:41,856
‐ I didn't...

679
00:36:41,856 --> 00:36:43,357
I didn't know.

680
00:36:43,357 --> 00:36:46,520
WOMAN: You didn't know.
Okay. Alright.

681
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:49,624
So we know that's not
gonna happen today.

682
00:36:58,472 --> 00:37:00,534
[ dog barks ]

683
00:37:09,443 --> 00:37:12,546
JACINTA: My boyfriend wants me
to move in with him.

684
00:37:15,489 --> 00:37:18,452
Lucky's place is a safe option
because he don't use drugs.

685
00:37:21,425 --> 00:37:23,097
‐ What happened?

686
00:37:23,097 --> 00:37:24,599
‐ What do you mean
what happened?

687
00:37:24,599 --> 00:37:27,962
‐ To your pants?
You bought them like that?

688
00:37:27,962 --> 00:37:31,866
We met a month or two
before she went to jail,

689
00:37:31,866 --> 00:37:34,809
and we got along
right from the start,

690
00:37:34,809 --> 00:37:38,372
but she still had drug issues.

691
00:37:38,372 --> 00:37:42,476
I would be like, "I'm done,"

692
00:37:42,476 --> 00:37:44,548
but I wouldn't follow through

693
00:37:44,548 --> 00:37:48,522
with the, "I'm done."

694
00:37:48,522 --> 00:37:50,925
She really is a great person

695
00:37:50,925 --> 00:37:54,558
with a bad habit.

696
00:37:54,558 --> 00:37:56,791
Everybody, "Listen, man.

697
00:37:56,791 --> 00:37:58,693
She's a Geisinger.

698
00:37:58,693 --> 00:38:01,796
Get the fuck out of there."

699
00:38:01,796 --> 00:38:04,899
Once you get involved
with that family,

700
00:38:04,899 --> 00:38:08,442
their reputation is that of,

701
00:38:08,442 --> 00:38:10,845
you're gonna get taken.

702
00:38:10,845 --> 00:38:14,108
The odds are, you're probably
gonna be getting arrested,

703
00:38:14,108 --> 00:38:16,781
going to jail, you know?

704
00:38:16,781 --> 00:38:19,013
And they're looking
at you going, "What?"

705
00:38:23,788 --> 00:38:25,860
JACINTA: My mother's family,

706
00:38:25,860 --> 00:38:27,592
the Geisingers,

707
00:38:27,592 --> 00:38:29,864
pretty much were just known
for...

708
00:38:29,864 --> 00:38:34,498
chaos and crime.

709
00:38:34,498 --> 00:38:35,900
Drug dealers know us.

710
00:38:35,900 --> 00:38:37,632
Cops know us.

711
00:38:37,632 --> 00:38:40,574
Everybody in Portland knows us.

712
00:38:49,513 --> 00:38:51,746
MAN: Don't blame him.
MAN #2: I'm not blaming him.

713
00:38:51,746 --> 00:38:52,747
I'm blaming you.

714
00:38:52,747 --> 00:38:54,989
MAN: Blame him.

715
00:38:54,989 --> 00:38:56,851
TODD: Jacinta's my sister,

716
00:38:56,851 --> 00:38:59,894
and Rosemary is my mother.

717
00:38:59,894 --> 00:39:01,956
EARNSHAW: What are
your charges usually?

718
00:39:01,956 --> 00:39:05,600
Drugs, guns, and burglary.

719
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:08,703
I got taken away from my mom
when I was 11,

720
00:39:08,703 --> 00:39:11,065
but I was always running away
from group homes

721
00:39:11,065 --> 00:39:13,608
or escaping
from the youth center.

722
00:39:13,608 --> 00:39:15,670
When I was on the run,
my mom was the one

723
00:39:15,670 --> 00:39:17,571
that would
always come and get me,

724
00:39:17,571 --> 00:39:19,814
and I would stay there with her.

725
00:39:19,814 --> 00:39:22,817
My nana gave my mom
this big floor screen TV,

726
00:39:22,817 --> 00:39:25,219
and my mom had
the guts taken out ‐‐

727
00:39:25,219 --> 00:39:28,122
that way, when you pushed
the TV against the wall,

728
00:39:28,122 --> 00:39:30,584
it looks like a regular TV
'cause you can't see inside.

729
00:39:30,584 --> 00:39:32,827
So whenever the cops
or probation would come,

730
00:39:32,827 --> 00:39:34,589
I'd get inside the TV,

731
00:39:34,589 --> 00:39:35,960
and they would push it
against the wall,

732
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:37,962
and I would just sit in there
and watch, like,

733
00:39:37,962 --> 00:39:40,234
the youth center staff
or her probation officer

734
00:39:40,234 --> 00:39:42,136
talk to her, look,
search the house for me,

735
00:39:42,136 --> 00:39:43,868
and the whole time

736
00:39:43,868 --> 00:39:45,099
I'm sitting there,
watching them through the TV.

737
00:39:45,099 --> 00:39:47,872
It's pretty funny.

738
00:39:47,872 --> 00:39:51,505
That's my niece, Caylynn,
my sister's daughter,

739
00:39:51,505 --> 00:39:54,248
and my sister.

740
00:39:54,248 --> 00:39:57,181
Jacinta lived mostly
with her father.

741
00:39:57,181 --> 00:39:59,614
I don't know how old she was
when she actually really started

742
00:39:59,614 --> 00:40:02,186
to go to live with my mom.

743
00:40:02,186 --> 00:40:04,959
But she was just so...

744
00:40:04,959 --> 00:40:07,561
innocent.

745
00:40:07,561 --> 00:40:10,995
My mom started hanging out
with the bad guys,

746
00:40:10,995 --> 00:40:14,799
who sold drugs and did drugs.

747
00:40:14,799 --> 00:40:18,102
That's when Jacinta
started to get involved

748
00:40:18,102 --> 00:40:20,534
in the things that she was doing
and started doing drugs

749
00:40:20,534 --> 00:40:23,277
and doing all of the stuff

750
00:40:23,277 --> 00:40:25,239
that me and my mom was doing.

751
00:40:27,742 --> 00:40:31,886
I was 16 when I first started
smoking crack with my mother.

752
00:40:31,886 --> 00:40:33,618
Jacinta...

753
00:40:33,618 --> 00:40:35,690
she looked up to me.

754
00:40:35,690 --> 00:40:37,752
She seen me doing it.

755
00:40:47,662 --> 00:40:48,733
Yeah.

756
00:40:50,264 --> 00:40:53,037
[ scoffs ] No.

757
00:40:56,971 --> 00:40:59,744
Uh, it sucked.

758
00:40:59,744 --> 00:41:01,275
Um...

759
00:41:03,177 --> 00:41:05,019
I think it was ‐‐

760
00:41:05,019 --> 00:41:08,683
One of the hardest things I did
was seeing her in there...

761
00:41:08,683 --> 00:41:12,286
and knowing the things that
went on there with people.

762
00:41:16,831 --> 00:41:19,764
And that's when I realized that
I really fucked her life up.

763
00:41:31,706 --> 00:41:35,149
Alls Jacinta wanted,
always, was my mother,

764
00:41:35,149 --> 00:41:38,312
and all Caylynn wants
is Jacinta.

765
00:41:38,312 --> 00:41:40,815
I mean, what kid don't
want their parent?

766
00:41:57,371 --> 00:41:59,604
‐ My family's fucked.
They're twisted,

767
00:41:59,604 --> 00:42:02,877
But hers is, like,
fucking pretzel twisted.

768
00:42:02,877 --> 00:42:04,238
You don't even know.

769
00:42:11,015 --> 00:42:12,917
If her mother's out,

770
00:42:12,917 --> 00:42:15,149
Jacinta will do anything
in the world for her mother.

771
00:42:15,149 --> 00:42:17,752
Anything in the world.

772
00:42:17,752 --> 00:42:19,824
Why is that, Jacinta?

773
00:42:29,664 --> 00:42:31,365
What are you thinking?

774
00:42:33,868 --> 00:42:35,770
You don't?
Or you do?

775
00:42:35,770 --> 00:42:37,311
You don't, but you do.

776
00:42:39,343 --> 00:42:41,075
‐ I do, but I don't.

777
00:42:53,688 --> 00:42:57,992
JACINTA: I just don't know
how to explain it...

778
00:42:57,992 --> 00:43:00,064
honestly.

779
00:43:00,064 --> 00:43:01,966
It just make things okay.

780
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:07,942
It's like that...

781
00:43:07,942 --> 00:43:11,205
best friend that
never talks back, you know?

782
00:43:27,421 --> 00:43:31,225
PHIL: Why are you shaking?

783
00:43:31,225 --> 00:43:33,127
Look at me.

784
00:43:33,127 --> 00:43:36,230
Come here, baby.

785
00:43:36,230 --> 00:43:38,132
Look at me.

786
00:43:41,235 --> 00:43:43,477
You okay?

787
00:43:43,477 --> 00:43:46,080
What am I gonna do with you?

788
00:43:49,984 --> 00:43:52,386
[ sentimental music plays ]

789
00:43:52,386 --> 00:43:57,221
♪♪

790
00:43:57,221 --> 00:44:00,995
JACINTA: My mother ‐‐
she always dressed so fancy,

791
00:44:00,995 --> 00:44:02,296
and her hair was always done,

792
00:44:02,296 --> 00:44:06,801
and I love the way she spoke.

793
00:44:06,801 --> 00:44:09,433
I just picked up on everything,

794
00:44:09,433 --> 00:44:11,165
every mistake she made,

795
00:44:11,165 --> 00:44:14,008
and I loved it.

796
00:44:14,008 --> 00:44:17,141
I loved the way she drove a car.

797
00:44:17,141 --> 00:44:19,113
I would sit in the back seat,

798
00:44:19,113 --> 00:44:22,446
and you could see both of us
in the rearview mirror.

799
00:44:22,446 --> 00:44:24,448
I would forget
that my reflection

800
00:44:24,448 --> 00:44:26,180
was there, as well,

801
00:44:26,180 --> 00:44:30,084
and I would stare right at her.

802
00:44:30,084 --> 00:44:31,986
When I would look at myself,

803
00:44:31,986 --> 00:44:33,888
just in the mirror by myself,

804
00:44:33,888 --> 00:44:36,831
I would literally see her.

805
00:44:39,463 --> 00:44:43,067
I wanted to be like her,

806
00:44:43,067 --> 00:44:45,139
not that I wanted
to pick up her mistakes,

807
00:44:45,139 --> 00:44:47,902
but if that's what it took,

808
00:44:47,902 --> 00:44:50,144
I was willing to do it.

809
00:44:55,209 --> 00:44:57,451
[ indistinct chanting ]

810
00:44:57,451 --> 00:44:59,884
[ music plays indistinctly ]

811
00:45:03,217 --> 00:45:05,119
JOHN: Alright, Caylynn.

812
00:45:19,473 --> 00:45:21,375
CAYLYNN: When I go
to cheer practice,

813
00:45:21,375 --> 00:45:25,339
my personal issues
just kind of go away.

814
00:45:25,339 --> 00:45:27,942
It's not a sport for me.

815
00:45:27,942 --> 00:45:30,014
It's more of a getaway.

816
00:45:33,087 --> 00:45:34,518
WANDA:
Jacinta was a cheerleader.

817
00:45:34,518 --> 00:45:36,821
I think a lot of things
Jacinta told Caylynn

818
00:45:36,821 --> 00:45:38,853
that she's like to do

819
00:45:38,853 --> 00:45:44,028
have now become things that
Caylynn is obsessed with.

820
00:45:44,028 --> 00:45:45,930
[ cheers and applause ]

821
00:45:55,009 --> 00:45:56,440
JOHN: Caylynn was telling me,

822
00:45:56,440 --> 00:45:59,844
"I haven't heard
from my mother."

823
00:45:59,844 --> 00:46:02,476
We've actually, you know,
blamed it on the drugs,

824
00:46:02,476 --> 00:46:04,218
and we just say that's what ‐‐

825
00:46:04,218 --> 00:46:05,549
why she does
the things she does.

826
00:46:05,549 --> 00:46:06,981
‐ We always have told her,

827
00:46:06,981 --> 00:46:08,452
"She loves you more
than anything.

828
00:46:08,452 --> 00:46:11,055
She just doesn't even know
how to love herself."

829
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:19,864
CAYLYNN: I really
just want my mom.

830
00:46:19,864 --> 00:46:22,266
Why isn't she staying around?

831
00:46:27,341 --> 00:46:29,243
I'm feeling like...

832
00:46:29,243 --> 00:46:31,646
it was my fault.

833
00:46:31,646 --> 00:46:33,377
Maybe if I had
been a different person

834
00:46:33,377 --> 00:46:36,310
she would've stuck around
a little longer.

835
00:46:41,185 --> 00:46:43,417
[ TV plays indistinctly ]

836
00:46:53,598 --> 00:46:55,900
BILLIE: I don't know
how Jacinta really feels,

837
00:46:55,900 --> 00:46:59,173
but I know doing drugs,
she's blocking it all out.

838
00:46:59,173 --> 00:47:00,975
I know that's a fact.

839
00:47:00,975 --> 00:47:02,677
From one addict to another,
that's a fact.

840
00:47:02,677 --> 00:47:04,238
It'll block everything out.

841
00:47:04,238 --> 00:47:07,111
‐ Oh, shit.

842
00:47:07,111 --> 00:47:09,483
BILLIE: Me and Jacinta
went to Lewiston one day.

843
00:47:09,483 --> 00:47:11,215
She was using,
and then I asked her,

844
00:47:11,215 --> 00:47:13,618
"Hey, can I get some of that
from you? Fuck it."

845
00:47:13,618 --> 00:47:17,421
I gave her $20
and got a shot off of her,

846
00:47:17,421 --> 00:47:18,693
and ever since then,

847
00:47:18,693 --> 00:47:21,125
I've started to use
with Jacinta.

848
00:47:21,125 --> 00:47:23,698
‐ I got it stuck.
[ both laugh ]

849
00:47:23,698 --> 00:47:26,130
BILLIE: Her daughter
called Shaun last night.

850
00:47:26,130 --> 00:47:29,363
Her daughter is hurt,

851
00:47:29,363 --> 00:47:32,136
and I've been in
that situation, too.

852
00:47:32,136 --> 00:47:35,409
I've chosen drugs
over both my kids.

853
00:47:35,409 --> 00:47:37,471
I can't say anything different.

854
00:47:59,994 --> 00:48:02,066
Come on, Jacinta.

855
00:48:05,299 --> 00:48:06,500
[ cellphone rings ]

856
00:48:06,500 --> 00:48:07,642
Oh, that's her.

857
00:48:07,642 --> 00:48:09,543
Hey, I'm in front of Old Navy.

858
00:48:13,247 --> 00:48:14,609
Do you see me?

859
00:48:36,601 --> 00:48:38,673
‐ Not bad.

860
00:48:38,673 --> 00:48:41,435
What do you think?

861
00:48:41,435 --> 00:48:43,507
Fucking right.

862
00:48:48,282 --> 00:48:49,483
EARNSHAW: How did you
learn to shoplift?

863
00:48:49,483 --> 00:48:51,315
JACINTA: Watching my mom.

864
00:48:51,315 --> 00:48:54,689
I've been watching her since
I was in the fucking carriage.

865
00:48:54,689 --> 00:48:56,751
She used to use
my fucking stroller.

866
00:48:56,751 --> 00:48:58,653
[ both laugh ]

867
00:48:58,653 --> 00:49:01,025
I'm my mom's ride or die.

868
00:49:01,025 --> 00:49:03,257
I might've been,
like, 14 years old.

869
00:49:03,257 --> 00:49:05,029
My mom got pulled over.

870
00:49:05,029 --> 00:49:06,430
She, like, gave me a look

871
00:49:06,430 --> 00:49:08,302
that, like, I knew that
something was wrong,

872
00:49:08,302 --> 00:49:10,104
like, I needed to start
looking for something.

873
00:49:10,104 --> 00:49:12,506
I grabbed those
2 ounces of coke,

874
00:49:12,506 --> 00:49:14,068
and I stuck them down my pants,

875
00:49:14,068 --> 00:49:16,140
and I got out of the car,
and the cop goes,

876
00:49:16,140 --> 00:49:17,511
"I need you to stay
in the vehicle."

877
00:49:17,511 --> 00:49:18,713
And I was like,
"I have a kidney disease.

878
00:49:18,713 --> 00:49:21,045
I have to go to the bathroom,"

879
00:49:21,045 --> 00:49:22,476
and I brought those
into the bathroom

880
00:49:22,476 --> 00:49:23,718
on the main turnpike.

881
00:49:23,718 --> 00:49:25,149
My mom got arrested,

882
00:49:25,149 --> 00:49:26,681
and then she called
from the jail,

883
00:49:26,681 --> 00:49:29,053
and I was like,
"Mom, I hid that stuff."

884
00:49:29,053 --> 00:49:30,755
We went back and picked it up,
like, four hours later.

885
00:49:30,755 --> 00:49:32,326
It was still there.

886
00:49:32,326 --> 00:49:34,729
Mm‐hmm.

887
00:49:34,729 --> 00:49:37,491
BILLIE: That's a ride or die.
There you go.

888
00:49:39,664 --> 00:49:43,297
I felt like I made my mom proud.

889
00:49:43,297 --> 00:49:45,539
‐ Yeah, I could see that.

890
00:49:45,539 --> 00:49:47,301
You probably did.

891
00:49:47,301 --> 00:49:49,203
[ women shouting ]

892
00:49:56,380 --> 00:49:57,612
ROSEMARY: Some of the things

893
00:49:57,612 --> 00:50:00,554
they couldn't
prove me guilty of.

894
00:50:00,554 --> 00:50:03,618
Stealing clothes.
Stealing food.

895
00:50:03,618 --> 00:50:05,860
They're saying that's me.

896
00:50:07,421 --> 00:50:10,464
[ speaks indistinctly ]

897
00:50:10,464 --> 00:50:12,196
EARNSHAW: Is that you? No.

898
00:50:12,196 --> 00:50:15,129
‐ [ chuckles ]

899
00:50:15,129 --> 00:50:17,632
Well, that's what a jury
would say, too.

900
00:50:17,632 --> 00:50:19,373
EARNSHAW: Well,
what's the truth?

901
00:50:19,373 --> 00:50:21,606
Is that you? No.

902
00:50:21,606 --> 00:50:24,639
‐ Is it? You tell me.

903
00:50:24,639 --> 00:50:28,542
If you was the jury,
what would you say?

904
00:50:28,542 --> 00:50:30,514
EARNSHAW: I mean,
it's hard to tell.

905
00:50:30,514 --> 00:50:32,216
It looks...
‐ There you go.

906
00:50:32,216 --> 00:50:35,319
You have to be 100% sure
on a jury.

907
00:50:35,319 --> 00:50:37,852
[ chuckles ]

908
00:50:44,558 --> 00:50:48,302
My dad was here
in prison before,

909
00:50:48,302 --> 00:50:51,465
and he's always been in and out

910
00:50:51,465 --> 00:50:56,641
of drinking and doing drugs.

911
00:50:56,641 --> 00:50:59,413
It's kind of hard to talk about,
but I was, you know,

912
00:50:59,413 --> 00:51:02,516
molested and ‐‐ by my dad.

913
00:51:02,516 --> 00:51:03,878
I'm gonna get teary‐eyed.

914
00:51:03,878 --> 00:51:06,380
EARNSHAW: That's okay.

915
00:51:06,380 --> 00:51:08,152
ROSEMARY: I can remember
my sisters trying to, like,

916
00:51:08,152 --> 00:51:11,756
hide me in closets and stuff,
trying to protect me.

917
00:51:11,756 --> 00:51:13,487
I can remember hearing
my father's car

918
00:51:13,487 --> 00:51:16,861
pull up late at night,

919
00:51:16,861 --> 00:51:19,193
and they'd run and, like,
put me under that bed.

920
00:51:19,193 --> 00:51:20,735
I can remember, like, hearing ‐‐

921
00:51:20,735 --> 00:51:22,637
rolling under the bed.

922
00:51:22,637 --> 00:51:25,239
[ somber music plays ]

923
00:51:25,239 --> 00:51:27,802
When Jacinta got molested,

924
00:51:27,802 --> 00:51:32,306
this guy was babysitting
when we went bowling.

925
00:51:32,306 --> 00:51:35,650
I seen the signs afterwards
'cause she was always crying,

926
00:51:35,650 --> 00:51:38,412
didn't want me
to leave her there,

927
00:51:38,412 --> 00:51:39,784
and she was screaming,
like, "No, mommy!

928
00:51:39,784 --> 00:51:41,786
No, mommy! No, mommy!"

929
00:51:41,786 --> 00:51:43,818
And I can picture now, like...

930
00:51:43,818 --> 00:51:46,891
why'd I leave her there?

931
00:51:46,891 --> 00:51:48,963
So I lived, like,
in a lot of shame and guilt

932
00:51:48,963 --> 00:51:53,628
and, you know,
resentment all my life.

933
00:51:53,628 --> 00:51:57,932
I feel like living in all that
you can never move forward.

934
00:52:01,836 --> 00:52:05,379
AMANDA: Have you ever done any
meditation or relaxation or...

935
00:52:05,379 --> 00:52:08,643
‐ Yeah, I've done all that,
but when I get in this space...

936
00:52:08,643 --> 00:52:10,584
‐ I'm saying before
you get this far,

937
00:52:10,584 --> 00:52:13,988
like, take some self ‐‐
some time.

938
00:52:13,988 --> 00:52:16,651
‐ Like, I can't ‐‐ I don't know
what to do with the feelings,

939
00:52:16,651 --> 00:52:18,352
with the emotions that
are going through ‐‐

940
00:52:18,352 --> 00:52:19,493
‐ So scattered thoughts,
basically?

941
00:52:19,493 --> 00:52:20,755
‐ Yeah.

942
00:52:20,755 --> 00:52:22,496
‐ 'Cause when your brain's
like that,

943
00:52:22,496 --> 00:52:23,698
you just need to calm it down.

944
00:52:23,698 --> 00:52:25,960
You need to quiet it, right?

945
00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:29,263
‐ It's weighing on my mind
about Jacinta, her using.

946
00:52:29,263 --> 00:52:30,935
I know I can't control it.

947
00:52:30,935 --> 00:52:32,536
AMANDA: Mm‐hmm. Yep.

948
00:52:32,536 --> 00:52:35,770
You just gotta remember
she's 27 years old.

949
00:52:35,770 --> 00:52:39,343
The more you separate,

950
00:52:39,343 --> 00:52:41,515
you know...

951
00:52:41,515 --> 00:52:43,748
the better for both of you.

952
00:52:46,751 --> 00:52:47,752
It's a hard life.

953
00:52:47,752 --> 00:52:49,323
[ voice breaking ] I know.

954
00:52:49,323 --> 00:52:50,855
[ sniffles ]

955
00:53:01,896 --> 00:53:06,270
[ cellphone rings ]

956
00:53:06,270 --> 00:53:08,502
‐ Hello?

957
00:53:08,502 --> 00:53:10,004
OPERATOR: You have
a call from...

958
00:53:10,004 --> 00:53:13,277
‐ Rosemary.
OPERATOR: ...confined at

959
00:53:13,277 --> 00:53:16,010
a Maine Department
of Corrections facility.

960
00:53:37,301 --> 00:53:39,874
‐ I thought you just said
they wouldn't let me be sick.

961
00:54:35,630 --> 00:54:38,032
It's been four months
since I saw my daughter.

962
00:54:42,496 --> 00:54:45,069
I don't want Caylynn
to see me when I'm using,

963
00:54:45,069 --> 00:54:47,842
but I know she wants to see me,

964
00:54:47,842 --> 00:54:49,744
and I want to see her.

965
00:54:55,379 --> 00:54:57,081
JOHN: Caylynn, Milky Ways?

966
00:54:57,081 --> 00:55:00,014
Caylynn, why don't you guys
pick up your candy?

967
00:55:00,014 --> 00:55:02,456
‐ That's my mom.

968
00:55:02,456 --> 00:55:04,859
WANDA: You're mama...

969
00:55:04,859 --> 00:55:06,921
[ indistinct conversations ]

970
00:55:12,526 --> 00:55:13,728
‐ Persistent, huh?

971
00:55:13,728 --> 00:55:15,630
‐ Whose baby?

972
00:55:15,630 --> 00:55:17,001
‐ It's my brother Shaun's baby.

973
00:55:17,001 --> 00:55:18,432
JOHN: That's your brother
Shaun's baby?

974
00:55:18,432 --> 00:55:19,974
‐ Where's Uncle Shaun?
‐ Hi.

975
00:55:19,974 --> 00:55:21,706
JACINTA: He didn't come, baby.

976
00:55:21,706 --> 00:55:24,478
‐ Mommy, how long
are you staying?

977
00:55:24,478 --> 00:55:27,481
WANDA: You got to go to bed
really pretty quickly.

978
00:55:27,481 --> 00:55:29,083
It's already your bedtime now.

979
00:55:29,083 --> 00:55:30,985
I'm gonna let you stay for
a short amount of time, but...

980
00:55:30,985 --> 00:55:32,887
JOHN: I don't even like candy.

981
00:55:32,887 --> 00:55:34,448
I'm just eating it.
‐ No, it's only 7:30.

982
00:55:34,448 --> 00:55:36,150
I don't have to go
to bed for awhile.

983
00:55:36,150 --> 00:55:37,892
[ indistinct conversation ]

984
00:55:37,892 --> 00:55:40,995
‐ I don't have to go to bed.

985
00:55:40,995 --> 00:55:43,598
‐ Gotta get some pictures,
bubba.

986
00:55:43,598 --> 00:55:46,530
[ chuckles ]

987
00:55:46,530 --> 00:55:48,763
Here, take a couple pictures
with mama.

988
00:55:48,763 --> 00:55:51,135
[ sentimental music plays ]

989
00:55:51,135 --> 00:55:54,438
♪♪

990
00:55:54,438 --> 00:55:57,571
♪♪

991
00:55:57,571 --> 00:56:01,175
[ indistinct conversations ]

992
00:56:04,649 --> 00:56:06,881
JOHN: What did you get?

993
00:56:06,881 --> 00:56:08,452
Where's the cheese balls?

994
00:56:08,452 --> 00:56:10,685
‐ I don't have any.

995
00:56:10,685 --> 00:56:14,759
♪♪

996
00:56:14,759 --> 00:56:18,833
♪♪

997
00:56:18,833 --> 00:56:20,895
JACINTA: What you
got there, bub?

998
00:56:24,198 --> 00:56:27,241
This is my baby.

999
00:56:27,241 --> 00:56:29,003
CAYLYNN: Who?
‐ Ba‐bay.

1000
00:56:29,003 --> 00:56:31,075
CAYLYNN: What did you say?
‐ I said, "This is my baby."

1001
00:56:31,075 --> 00:56:32,647
CAYLYNN: Who?
‐ You.

1002
00:56:32,647 --> 00:56:33,848
‐ Oh.

1003
00:56:37,111 --> 00:56:38,152
‐ Look at that butt.

1004
00:56:38,152 --> 00:56:40,184
‐ Stop!

1005
00:56:40,184 --> 00:56:42,256
‐ Where did you get all that?

1006
00:56:42,256 --> 00:56:45,159
You got that from me.
[ chuckles ]

1007
00:56:45,159 --> 00:56:46,490
WANDA: You're going
to be going to bed,

1008
00:56:46,490 --> 00:56:47,521
like, real, real soon.

1009
00:56:47,521 --> 00:56:49,063
CAYLYNN: Where are you going?

1010
00:56:49,063 --> 00:56:51,696
‐ Get ready for bed.
‐ No, Mommy.

1011
00:56:51,696 --> 00:56:53,928
‐ Listen, stand up.

1012
00:57:01,636 --> 00:57:03,537
[ bird caws ]

1013
00:57:09,213 --> 00:57:10,785
JACINTA: I'm just done.

1014
00:57:10,785 --> 00:57:12,787
I'm exhausted.

1015
00:57:15,019 --> 00:57:16,921
Caylynn is over it.

1016
00:57:16,921 --> 00:57:19,854
You can only tell them
you're sorry so many times.

1017
00:57:21,656 --> 00:57:23,728
It's not even guilt anymore.
It's not even shame anymore.

1018
00:57:23,728 --> 00:57:25,960
I don't know.

1019
00:57:25,960 --> 00:57:27,702
I don't know what it is.

1020
00:57:31,135 --> 00:57:33,037
I don't want to do this anymore.

1021
00:57:39,043 --> 00:57:42,677
Cold sweats, nausea,
legs, everything.

1022
00:57:45,149 --> 00:57:46,550
Where's Lucky?

1023
00:57:46,550 --> 00:57:48,252
EARNSHAW: He's in the kitchen.

1024
00:57:52,556 --> 00:57:54,258
JACINTA: He said
he wouldn't leave.

1025
00:57:57,932 --> 00:57:59,834
Oh, fuck!

1026
00:58:26,761 --> 00:58:30,895
JACINTA: In detoxing,
your muscles cramp.

1027
00:58:30,895 --> 00:58:33,668
You're restless.

1028
00:58:33,668 --> 00:58:36,701
The body aches.
You're just ‐‐

1029
00:58:36,701 --> 00:58:39,003
Your temperature
can't get right.

1030
00:58:39,003 --> 00:58:40,905
You're just in hell.

1031
00:58:43,978 --> 00:58:46,040
I can't fucking do this.

1032
00:58:48,783 --> 00:58:51,345
I need something
to knock me the fuck out.

1033
00:58:55,950 --> 00:58:58,893
Ugh, fuck.

1034
00:59:04,328 --> 00:59:06,060
[ water running ]
[ groans ]

1035
00:59:14,268 --> 00:59:16,010
Ow.

1036
00:59:21,676 --> 00:59:23,918
WOMAN: Hello? Jacint?

1037
00:59:26,050 --> 00:59:27,952
Jacint? Jacinta?

1038
00:59:27,952 --> 00:59:29,724
JACINTA: Hmm?

1039
00:59:29,724 --> 00:59:31,956
WOMAN: Please go to
the hospital for tonight.

1040
00:59:31,956 --> 00:59:33,858
Baby, please do it for me.

1041
00:59:33,858 --> 00:59:36,030
JACINTA: [ groans ]

1042
00:59:36,030 --> 00:59:37,091
Please, baby.

1043
00:59:37,091 --> 00:59:38,993
‐ Hello?

1044
00:59:38,993 --> 00:59:40,364
Yeah.

1045
00:59:42,136 --> 00:59:44,198
She's gonna go?

1046
00:59:44,198 --> 00:59:45,940
Okay.

1047
00:59:45,940 --> 00:59:47,672
‐ I can't do this.

1048
00:59:47,672 --> 00:59:50,404
‐ Okay.

1049
00:59:50,404 --> 00:59:52,847
I need to get on the floor.
I need to get on the floor.

1050
00:59:52,847 --> 00:59:56,280
I need to get on the floor.
Please.

1051
00:59:56,280 --> 00:59:59,383
‐ How you doing?

1052
00:59:59,383 --> 01:00:01,355
‐ Don't touch me.

1053
01:00:01,355 --> 01:00:04,789
Let's go. Baby, let's go.
Please, please.

1054
01:00:04,789 --> 01:00:06,260
‐ 10 more minutes.

1055
01:00:11,826 --> 01:00:13,167
WOMAN: Do you want me
to pay for the methadone?

1056
01:00:13,167 --> 01:00:15,830
You want to go
to the methadone tomorrow?

1057
01:00:15,830 --> 01:00:18,072
Or you want to just keep going
straight like this?

1058
01:00:21,375 --> 01:00:23,978
'Cause I can't have you
go back, Jacinta.

1059
01:00:23,978 --> 01:00:25,880
I can't have you go back
to this stuff,

1060
01:00:28,212 --> 01:00:29,844
I don't want you to go back,
Jacinta.

1061
01:00:29,844 --> 01:00:31,916
[ voice breaking ] I can't.
I can't do this.

1062
01:00:44,428 --> 01:00:46,460
‐ Have we the pleasure
of addressing

1063
01:00:46,460 --> 01:00:48,803
Mr. Scrooge or Mr. Marley?

1064
01:00:48,803 --> 01:00:50,204
‐ It's no pleasure to me, sir,

1065
01:00:50,204 --> 01:00:52,436
to be addressed
by either of you.

1066
01:00:52,436 --> 01:00:55,039
‐ This is probably

1067
01:00:55,039 --> 01:00:57,441
the easiest detox
I've ever been through.

1068
01:01:01,445 --> 01:01:04,048
I'm through it, Mom.

1069
01:01:04,048 --> 01:01:06,921
I'm through it.

1070
01:01:06,921 --> 01:01:09,053
Are you proud of me?

1071
01:01:11,856 --> 01:01:14,258
I won't, Mom.

1072
01:01:14,258 --> 01:01:16,490
I won't.

1073
01:01:21,535 --> 01:01:24,999
LUCKY: She detoxed for 3 days.

1074
01:01:24,999 --> 01:01:30,174
Now she wants to go spend
quality time with her father.

1075
01:01:30,174 --> 01:01:32,006
Basically, she takes off.

1076
01:01:32,006 --> 01:01:34,879
Goes starts up again.

1077
01:01:34,879 --> 01:01:37,111
Those three days...

1078
01:01:37,111 --> 01:01:39,013
were for nothing.

1079
01:01:39,013 --> 01:01:40,554
[ somber music plays ]

1080
01:01:40,554 --> 01:01:46,190
♪♪

1081
01:01:46,190 --> 01:01:51,796
♪♪

1082
01:01:51,796 --> 01:01:53,497
SHAUN: I know how smart she is.

1083
01:01:53,497 --> 01:01:57,471
I know what she can accomplish.

1084
01:01:57,471 --> 01:02:00,134
She's way smarter than me,

1085
01:02:00,134 --> 01:02:02,006
but, you know, let's face it,

1086
01:02:02,006 --> 01:02:05,479
Lewiston‐Auburn is not
a good place to kick a habit.

1087
01:02:08,913 --> 01:02:10,985
There's nothing good
in Lewiston.

1088
01:02:10,985 --> 01:02:14,088
Lewiston is an old mill town.

1089
01:02:14,088 --> 01:02:16,320
Drugs.

1090
01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:20,294
Jacinta knows everybody.

1091
01:02:20,294 --> 01:02:22,526
She knows everybody.

1092
01:02:25,960 --> 01:02:27,331
RICK: Where is she now?

1093
01:02:27,331 --> 01:02:30,104
She's been gone 40 minutes
with the truck.

1094
01:02:30,104 --> 01:02:32,566
I hate this life.
I fucking hate it.

1095
01:02:32,566 --> 01:02:34,368
EARNSHAW: When you heard
that she was detoxing,

1096
01:02:34,368 --> 01:02:35,539
did you believe
it was going to happen?

1097
01:02:35,539 --> 01:02:36,510
‐ No.

1098
01:02:36,510 --> 01:02:38,512
Nope.

1099
01:02:38,512 --> 01:02:39,914
No.

1100
01:02:44,118 --> 01:02:45,319
No.

1101
01:02:51,325 --> 01:02:53,057
[ dog whines ]

1102
01:03:20,084 --> 01:03:21,956
MAN: What's the matter?
MAN #2: Did anyone notice

1103
01:03:21,956 --> 01:03:23,958
we had a thunderstorm
last night?

1104
01:03:23,958 --> 01:03:26,460
WOMAN: Yeah, we were just
saying how much...

1105
01:03:26,460 --> 01:03:29,393
RICK: Christmas used
to be a big thing.

1106
01:03:29,393 --> 01:03:30,665
Presents ‐‐

1107
01:03:30,665 --> 01:03:32,927
There's always one
hidden in the tree

1108
01:03:32,927 --> 01:03:35,569
that she'd have to find, yeah.

1109
01:03:35,569 --> 01:03:38,633
10:30, 11:00,
then we'd go to bed.

1110
01:03:38,633 --> 01:03:40,074
Then she'd wake up
the next morning,

1111
01:03:40,074 --> 01:03:41,205
and all the trees be cut.

1112
01:03:41,205 --> 01:03:42,576
"Santa did come!
Santa did come!"

1113
01:03:42,576 --> 01:03:43,978
Yeah.

1114
01:03:43,978 --> 01:03:45,309
I don't know.

1115
01:03:45,309 --> 01:03:47,381
We had a lot of good times.

1116
01:03:49,043 --> 01:03:52,146
‐ Then it just became
money in an envelope.

1117
01:03:52,146 --> 01:03:56,621
[ laughs ]

1118
01:03:56,621 --> 01:03:59,053
"Merry Christmas, kid."
‐ That wasn't very nice.

1119
01:03:59,053 --> 01:04:00,955
That's right.
What am I supposed to do?

1120
01:04:00,955 --> 01:04:02,226
‐ Mm‐hmm.

1121
01:04:02,226 --> 01:04:03,457
‐ I don't know
what the hell to buy you.

1122
01:04:03,457 --> 01:04:05,199
Here, money in the envelope,

1123
01:04:05,199 --> 01:04:07,261
That's ‐‐ That's well put.

1124
01:04:07,261 --> 01:04:09,233
That's what it is.

1125
01:04:09,233 --> 01:04:12,136
[ Mariah Carey's All I Want
For Christmas Is You plays ]

1126
01:04:12,136 --> 01:04:15,239
‐ Christmas.

1127
01:04:15,239 --> 01:04:17,341
CAREY: ♪ I ♪

1128
01:04:17,341 --> 01:04:21,475
♪ Don't want a lot
for Christmas ♪

1129
01:04:21,475 --> 01:04:25,650
♪ There is just
one thing I need ♪

1130
01:04:25,650 --> 01:04:27,722
‐ I'm so excited for Christmas.

1131
01:04:27,722 --> 01:04:29,353
JOHN: Yeah, we know.

1132
01:04:29,353 --> 01:04:32,226
‐ I'm just ‐‐ I'm just
in that spirit, you know?

1133
01:04:32,226 --> 01:04:33,487
I just love it.
It's full of joy.

1134
01:04:33,487 --> 01:04:35,429
WANDA: As long as you're good,
you know,

1135
01:04:35,429 --> 01:04:38,292
'cause Santa Claus don't
get bad kids anything.

1136
01:04:38,292 --> 01:04:41,035
‐ Santa Claus...

1137
01:04:41,035 --> 01:04:44,969
can climb up the chimney
and walk on out.

1138
01:04:44,969 --> 01:04:47,201
JOHN: That ain't
the Christmas spirit.

1139
01:04:49,103 --> 01:04:52,376
[ sentimental music plays ]

1140
01:04:52,376 --> 01:04:57,581
♪♪

1141
01:04:57,581 --> 01:05:02,987
♪♪

1142
01:05:02,987 --> 01:05:08,192
♪♪

1143
01:05:08,192 --> 01:05:13,397
♪♪

1144
01:05:13,397 --> 01:05:18,603
♪♪

1145
01:05:18,603 --> 01:05:24,008
♪♪

1146
01:05:24,008 --> 01:05:26,240
RICH: No, I never expected
this to happen,

1147
01:05:26,240 --> 01:05:29,183
honestly, growing up.

1148
01:05:29,183 --> 01:05:33,718
♪♪

1149
01:05:33,718 --> 01:05:38,492
♪♪

1150
01:05:38,492 --> 01:05:44,198
Over time when Rosemary asked
to see Jacinta, to visit,

1151
01:05:44,198 --> 01:05:46,601
I took Jacinta there
to visit Rosemary,

1152
01:05:46,601 --> 01:05:49,533
and I'd pick her up.

1153
01:05:49,533 --> 01:05:51,606
You know...

1154
01:05:51,606 --> 01:05:54,038
she's got to see her mother.

1155
01:05:54,038 --> 01:05:57,441
You know, can't keep them apart.

1156
01:05:57,441 --> 01:06:01,045
Started going sour
when she was, what, 10 or 11.

1157
01:06:01,045 --> 01:06:03,417
She wanted to move in
with her mother,

1158
01:06:03,417 --> 01:06:07,421
and Rosemary really
wanted her back.

1159
01:06:07,421 --> 01:06:12,086
Somehow, some way,
it got to the point where...

1160
01:06:12,086 --> 01:06:15,630
Jacinta can make up
her own mind.

1161
01:06:15,630 --> 01:06:17,331
And I don't know
what the age is,

1162
01:06:17,331 --> 01:06:20,795
whether it's 13 or 14
in the state of Maine.

1163
01:06:20,795 --> 01:06:22,667
If they want to stay
with their,

1164
01:06:22,667 --> 01:06:25,269
you know, their mother,
they can,

1165
01:06:25,269 --> 01:06:26,641
if they want to stay
with their father,

1166
01:06:26,641 --> 01:06:28,302
so that would've been
another fight

1167
01:06:28,302 --> 01:06:32,106
in court, basically.

1168
01:06:32,106 --> 01:06:33,608
And it was like, "Okay, Jacinta.

1169
01:06:33,608 --> 01:06:36,210
Give it a shot.
See what happens."

1170
01:06:47,521 --> 01:06:50,364
CAYLYNN: I had letters
from my mom

1171
01:06:50,364 --> 01:06:52,597
circling around my room.

1172
01:06:52,597 --> 01:06:56,230
I remember my grandmother
had told me ‐‐

1173
01:06:56,230 --> 01:06:58,673
the one that I live with...

1174
01:06:58,673 --> 01:07:02,106
She had told me,
"I know you're sad now,

1175
01:07:02,106 --> 01:07:05,680
and I know it doesn't feel good,
but once you're older,

1176
01:07:05,680 --> 01:07:07,281
you're not gonna be sad anymore.

1177
01:07:07,281 --> 01:07:09,684
You're gonna be mad,"
and I didn't believe her.

1178
01:07:09,684 --> 01:07:12,246
I was like, "I'm never gonna
be mad at my mom or dad."

1179
01:07:12,246 --> 01:07:15,119
Like, I was a little kid,
and I didn't understand it.

1180
01:07:15,119 --> 01:07:16,520
But, um...

1181
01:07:16,520 --> 01:07:21,355
And, um...I started
to get angry with them.

1182
01:07:21,355 --> 01:07:25,329
My mom hasn't called me
in, like, three months.

1183
01:07:30,865 --> 01:07:32,767
If you don't want to be
a part of my life,

1184
01:07:32,767 --> 01:07:34,839
don't be a part of it.

1185
01:07:42,747 --> 01:07:45,379
JACINTA: Caylynn said,
"I can't take this.

1186
01:07:45,379 --> 01:07:47,852
It's the same old song.
'I wish we could.

1187
01:07:47,852 --> 01:07:49,824
Maybe we could.
Could we maybe.'"

1188
01:07:49,824 --> 01:07:53,287
I said, "Cay, baby,
what are you talking about?

1189
01:07:53,287 --> 01:07:54,829
Tell me more, princess."

1190
01:07:54,829 --> 01:07:56,891
"It's so hard to love
someone like this,

1191
01:07:56,891 --> 01:07:58,633
caught in a blizzard,

1192
01:07:58,633 --> 01:08:01,165
but my heart can't take
another civil war."

1193
01:08:01,165 --> 01:08:02,566
‐ Holy fuck.

1194
01:08:02,566 --> 01:08:05,169
‐ "The only thing you say
you care about is me.

1195
01:08:05,169 --> 01:08:09,473
We both know it's money,
drugs, and Lucky,

1196
01:08:09,473 --> 01:08:12,306
who you say you love,
but you don't.

1197
01:08:12,306 --> 01:08:15,209
So, stop taking me in your ‐‐

1198
01:08:15,209 --> 01:08:17,952
stop taking me
in your twisted lies

1199
01:08:17,952 --> 01:08:19,854
because I don't need them."

1200
01:08:19,854 --> 01:08:22,416
WOMAN: Jacinta...

1201
01:08:22,416 --> 01:08:24,188
You got to do this, honey,

1202
01:08:24,188 --> 01:08:27,792
if it means going to the middle
of fucking nowhere...

1203
01:08:27,792 --> 01:08:30,394
to a treatment center, like...

1204
01:08:31,726 --> 01:08:34,498
‐ She just wants me
to leave her alone.

1205
01:08:46,440 --> 01:08:49,213
[ chuckles ]

1206
01:08:49,213 --> 01:08:52,817
JACINTA: Caylynn has told me
she doesn't want to talk to me,

1207
01:08:52,817 --> 01:08:55,419
stay out of her life.

1208
01:08:55,419 --> 01:08:58,352
My baby knows how to make
the right decision.

1209
01:09:00,294 --> 01:09:02,857
I'm proud of her.

1210
01:09:02,857 --> 01:09:06,731
I know that if she keeps
that skill in her life,

1211
01:09:06,731 --> 01:09:08,462
protecting herself,

1212
01:09:08,462 --> 01:09:11,405
she's always gonna
have peace at heart.

1213
01:09:13,638 --> 01:09:16,570
Have I made the choice
to get high

1214
01:09:16,570 --> 01:09:18,472
instead of see my child?

1215
01:09:18,472 --> 01:09:20,875
Yes.

1216
01:09:20,875 --> 01:09:23,948
But it's not where my heart
ever wanted to be.

1217
01:09:23,948 --> 01:09:26,380
[ TV plays indistinctly ]

1218
01:09:32,787 --> 01:09:34,528
LUCKY: Susan...

1219
01:09:35,760 --> 01:09:36,791
‐ Hi, baby.

1220
01:09:36,791 --> 01:09:38,492
LUCKY: Hi.

1221
01:09:38,492 --> 01:09:39,864
Want a hit?

1222
01:09:49,473 --> 01:09:51,746
‐ Lucky!

1223
01:09:51,746 --> 01:09:55,750
Lucky was the man that was
gonna protect me and...

1224
01:09:55,750 --> 01:09:57,982
pull me out of it,
you know what I mean?

1225
01:10:00,284 --> 01:10:04,418
The non‐addict is way up here,
and the addict's down here,

1226
01:10:04,418 --> 01:10:07,561
and they reach up for somebody
for help,

1227
01:10:07,561 --> 01:10:09,293
and instead of them
pulling you up,

1228
01:10:09,293 --> 01:10:10,995
you pull them down.

1229
01:10:15,800 --> 01:10:19,433
Yeah, I feel like I don't even
got a choice anymore.

1230
01:10:19,433 --> 01:10:21,836
Like...

1231
01:10:21,836 --> 01:10:23,738
I have ‐‐ I have to get high.

1232
01:10:23,738 --> 01:10:24,939
Like...

1233
01:10:24,939 --> 01:10:27,712
it's just what my life is.

1234
01:10:27,712 --> 01:10:29,944
[ somber music plays ]

1235
01:10:29,944 --> 01:10:35,820
♪♪

1236
01:10:35,820 --> 01:10:41,696
♪♪

1237
01:10:41,696 --> 01:10:47,561
♪♪

1238
01:10:47,561 --> 01:10:49,103
See the amount of this?

1239
01:10:49,103 --> 01:10:50,464
EARNSHAW: Mm‐hmm.

1240
01:10:50,464 --> 01:10:51,666
JACINTA: That's pure fentanyl.

1241
01:10:51,666 --> 01:10:54,609
It's just extremely powerful.

1242
01:10:58,743 --> 01:11:00,815
BILLIE: Jacinta's died before.

1243
01:11:00,815 --> 01:11:04,018
Her dad told me he brought her
back to life.

1244
01:11:04,018 --> 01:11:05,579
He slapped the shit out of her
a few times.

1245
01:11:05,579 --> 01:11:08,522
She came out of it.

1246
01:11:08,522 --> 01:11:10,054
CAYLYNN: People have
tried talking to her.

1247
01:11:10,054 --> 01:11:11,555
She's tried counseling.

1248
01:11:11,555 --> 01:11:14,428
She's tried rehab,
prison, sober house.

1249
01:11:14,428 --> 01:11:16,490
She got kicked out
of the sober house.

1250
01:11:16,490 --> 01:11:18,562
She stopped therapy on her own.

1251
01:11:18,562 --> 01:11:20,965
She's went back to jail
several times,

1252
01:11:20,965 --> 01:11:23,497
and I've tried to explain to her
over and over and over.

1253
01:11:23,497 --> 01:11:25,970
It ju‐‐ It goes in one ear
and right out the other.

1254
01:11:25,970 --> 01:11:28,502
I just don't know
what she should do.

1255
01:11:28,502 --> 01:11:30,574
[ somber music plays ]

1256
01:11:30,574 --> 01:11:32,977
♪♪

1257
01:11:32,977 --> 01:11:36,781
[ inhales sharply ]

1258
01:11:36,781 --> 01:11:39,513
‐ All we can do is hope...

1259
01:11:39,513 --> 01:11:42,086
that it ends.

1260
01:11:42,086 --> 01:11:43,788
'Cause I really don't see...

1261
01:11:43,788 --> 01:11:47,061
I really don't see it ending.

1262
01:11:47,061 --> 01:11:49,994
Not unless something
drastic happened to her.

1263
01:11:49,994 --> 01:11:51,565
You know?

1264
01:11:51,565 --> 01:11:56,400
♪♪

1265
01:11:56,400 --> 01:12:01,035
♪♪

1266
01:12:28,863 --> 01:12:30,134
[ sirens wail ]

1267
01:12:30,134 --> 01:12:31,606
GAGNON: Jacinta heard
a pocket dial

1268
01:12:31,606 --> 01:12:33,037
where they were talking about

1269
01:12:33,037 --> 01:12:36,070
busting into her dad's house.

1270
01:12:36,070 --> 01:12:37,642
Jacinta wasn't there.

1271
01:12:37,642 --> 01:12:39,944
She called 911.

1272
01:12:39,944 --> 01:12:43,648
Turned out,
it was some local people

1273
01:12:43,648 --> 01:12:46,981
that are suspected
of being drug dealers.

1274
01:12:46,981 --> 01:12:50,785
Jacinta stole $60,000
worth of drugs.

1275
01:12:50,785 --> 01:12:53,557
These guys were looking
to harm her.

1276
01:12:55,860 --> 01:12:58,633
I got a call
from Jacinta's father.

1277
01:12:58,633 --> 01:13:02,466
He heard people were out
to do harm to her.

1278
01:13:02,466 --> 01:13:03,738
Rick had given me
the information

1279
01:13:03,738 --> 01:13:06,601
about the vehicle
that Jacinta was driving.

1280
01:13:09,203 --> 01:13:10,875
‐ He asked me,
"How much does she have?

1281
01:13:10,875 --> 01:13:12,707
What did she steal?"
I said, "I don't know.

1282
01:13:12,707 --> 01:13:14,248
Honestly, I don't know.

1283
01:13:14,248 --> 01:13:15,810
You know, I just know
that these people

1284
01:13:15,810 --> 01:13:17,511
are after her because
she ripped them off.

1285
01:13:17,511 --> 01:13:19,583
Why she ripped them off,
I don't know."

1286
01:13:19,583 --> 01:13:22,156
Mm‐hmm. I said, "I hope you
get her before they get her."

1287
01:13:22,156 --> 01:13:25,890
♪♪

1288
01:13:25,890 --> 01:13:29,594
♪♪

1289
01:13:34,128 --> 01:13:35,529
[ door opens ]

1290
01:14:04,859 --> 01:14:06,230
OFFICER: Okay.

1291
01:14:29,724 --> 01:14:31,255
JACINTA: [ sniffles ]

1292
01:15:04,859 --> 01:15:06,220
[ sobs ]

1293
01:15:28,713 --> 01:15:31,285
OFFICER: Nobody in this room's
gonna hurt you, okay?

1294
01:15:31,285 --> 01:15:33,648
You are not free to leave, okay?

1295
01:15:33,648 --> 01:15:38,122
We're here t‐t‐to take
control of this, okay?

1296
01:15:38,122 --> 01:15:40,024
You're going down
the rabbit hole,

1297
01:15:40,024 --> 01:15:42,256
and we want
to pull you back out.

1298
01:15:42,256 --> 01:15:43,828
Does that make sense?

1299
01:15:43,828 --> 01:15:45,199
Okay.

1300
01:15:53,768 --> 01:15:55,670
Can we get you
something to drink?

1301
01:15:55,670 --> 01:15:56,911
‐ I'm okay.

1302
01:15:56,911 --> 01:15:58,272
OFFICER: Huh?
‐ I'm okay.

1303
01:15:58,272 --> 01:16:00,074
OFFICER: You're okay? You sure?

1304
01:16:00,074 --> 01:16:01,275
‐ Yeah.

1305
01:16:03,247 --> 01:16:04,719
OFFICER: Okay.

1306
01:16:04,719 --> 01:16:08,322
So why do you think
you're in here?

1307
01:16:11,355 --> 01:16:12,356
‐ Um...

1308
01:16:14,128 --> 01:16:15,690
‐ Mm‐hmm.

1309
01:16:15,690 --> 01:16:18,963
Where have you been living?

1310
01:16:21,836 --> 01:16:23,738
‐ Kind of everywhere.
Why?

1311
01:16:26,971 --> 01:16:29,043
‐ Mm‐hmm.
And why is that?

1312
01:16:41,085 --> 01:16:43,317
[ cicadas humming ]

1313
01:16:43,317 --> 01:16:45,059
RICK: Whoever did it,
whatever was said...

1314
01:16:45,059 --> 01:16:46,691
I know what I told Nick ‐‐

1315
01:16:46,691 --> 01:16:48,222
what the car was and stuff.
BILLIE: Mm‐hmm.

1316
01:16:48,222 --> 01:16:50,094
‐ He asked me,
did I know where she was?

1317
01:16:50,094 --> 01:16:51,796
I said, "No."
‐ Exactly.

1318
01:16:51,796 --> 01:16:53,728
‐ Bottom line is,
she's still alive, so...

1319
01:16:53,728 --> 01:16:54,929
I mean, she could be dead.

1320
01:16:54,929 --> 01:16:56,801
BILLIE: Yeah.
‐ So...

1321
01:16:56,801 --> 01:16:58,332
‐ You were worried.
‐ I don't ‐‐ I don't care.

1322
01:16:58,332 --> 01:17:00,274
‐ You weren't ratting her out.
You were worried.

1323
01:17:00,274 --> 01:17:02,176
But I would.
‐ No, I wanted her pulled over,

1324
01:17:02,176 --> 01:17:03,377
is what I told him.

1325
01:17:03,377 --> 01:17:05,109
BILLIE: Oh, geez.

1326
01:17:05,109 --> 01:17:06,911
You knew she had
all that shit on her.

1327
01:17:06,911 --> 01:17:08,482
‐ I know she had it on her.

1328
01:17:08,482 --> 01:17:11,245
Seem like you're directing it
like I ratted her out,

1329
01:17:11,245 --> 01:17:12,987
and I didn't rat her out.

1330
01:17:12,987 --> 01:17:14,889
‐ In a way, you kinda did.
‐ That's your opinion.

1331
01:17:14,889 --> 01:17:17,221
‐ But, I mean, that's ‐‐
‐ That's you're opinion.

1332
01:17:17,221 --> 01:17:19,353
‐ You didn't rat ‐‐ Yeah,
but I'm saying to you,

1333
01:17:19,353 --> 01:17:21,726
you didn't rat her out
to get her in trouble.

1334
01:17:21,726 --> 01:17:24,198
You ratted out ‐‐ her out
because you were scared.

1335
01:17:36,410 --> 01:17:39,173
‐ 'Cause I was detoxing and...

1336
01:17:39,173 --> 01:17:42,016
NURSE: Had a seizure.

1337
01:17:42,016 --> 01:17:45,950
She just was going through
a bad detox.

1338
01:17:45,950 --> 01:17:48,022
‐ They caught me with...

1339
01:17:48,022 --> 01:17:50,955
2 ounces of heroin
and an ounce of crack.

1340
01:17:58,162 --> 01:18:00,935
[ somber music plays ]

1341
01:18:00,935 --> 01:18:05,770
♪♪

1342
01:18:05,770 --> 01:18:10,404
♪♪

1343
01:18:10,404 --> 01:18:15,249
♪♪

1344
01:18:15,249 --> 01:18:20,084
♪♪

1345
01:18:20,084 --> 01:18:24,919
♪♪

1346
01:18:24,919 --> 01:18:29,563
♪♪

1347
01:18:29,563 --> 01:18:34,398
♪♪

1348
01:18:34,398 --> 01:18:37,902
EARNSHAW: Can you tell me...
how you got all of that?

1349
01:18:40,504 --> 01:18:43,437
‐ Yeah. I, um...

1350
01:18:43,437 --> 01:18:47,581
I saw a drug dealer
open his safe,

1351
01:18:47,581 --> 01:18:50,344
and I saw the combination.

1352
01:18:53,948 --> 01:18:55,449
EARNSHAW: And...

1353
01:18:55,449 --> 01:18:57,351
I literally walked a ledge

1354
01:18:57,351 --> 01:19:01,495
across a roof this big.

1355
01:19:01,495 --> 01:19:04,258
If I didn't ‐‐ If I didn't die
getting there,

1356
01:19:04,258 --> 01:19:07,201
I was gonna die doing the drugs.

1357
01:19:07,201 --> 01:19:09,033
I didn't care.

1358
01:19:13,207 --> 01:19:14,939
[ sighs ]

1359
01:19:21,946 --> 01:19:24,048
[ TV plays indistinctly ]

1360
01:19:24,048 --> 01:19:27,021
BILLIE: 479 people
are talking about this post

1361
01:19:27,021 --> 01:19:28,552
of her being arrested.

1362
01:19:28,552 --> 01:19:32,186
A lot of people wrote
some nasty comments.

1363
01:19:32,186 --> 01:19:35,189
"Addiction or not,
you have choices."

1364
01:19:35,189 --> 01:19:36,460
"What a surprise.

1365
01:19:36,460 --> 01:19:39,433
Another scum‐sucking
lowlife loser."

1366
01:19:44,398 --> 01:19:48,102
RICH: Jacinta's in this
situation because of Rosemary.

1367
01:19:48,102 --> 01:19:50,605
Had she never started
or did any crack

1368
01:19:50,605 --> 01:19:53,547
with her daughter
or her sons...

1369
01:19:53,547 --> 01:19:54,949
they wouldn't be there.

1370
01:19:54,949 --> 01:19:57,511
This wouldn't have happened.

1371
01:19:57,511 --> 01:19:59,553
Absolutely.

1372
01:19:59,553 --> 01:20:02,216
‐ When Jacinta was 15,

1373
01:20:02,216 --> 01:20:04,458
Rosemary put her out
on the street to suck dick

1374
01:20:04,458 --> 01:20:06,360
so Rosemary didn't have to.

1375
01:20:06,360 --> 01:20:09,323
You didn't know that?
You didn't know that?

1376
01:20:09,323 --> 01:20:11,495
EARNSHAW:
She didn't tell me that.

1377
01:20:11,495 --> 01:20:13,898
‐ Every time she's out,
them two run together.

1378
01:20:13,928 --> 01:20:16,330
[ buzzer blares ]

1379
01:20:16,330 --> 01:20:20,134
[ door opens, closes ]

1380
01:20:20,134 --> 01:20:23,577
OFFICER: Control.
Elevator 1B up to three, please.

1381
01:20:23,577 --> 01:20:25,640
[ radio chirps, door unlocks ]

1382
01:20:30,985 --> 01:20:34,248
EARNSHAW: Were you prostituting
at 15?

1383
01:20:37,451 --> 01:20:39,393
Did your mom...

1384
01:20:39,393 --> 01:20:42,156
kind of push you out there
a little bit?

1385
01:20:48,032 --> 01:20:50,965
‐ I don't think my mom
meant to hurt me.

1386
01:20:53,507 --> 01:20:55,940
She didn't know any better.

1387
01:20:58,112 --> 01:21:01,545
I...admire...

1388
01:21:01,545 --> 01:21:05,019
[voice breaking] my mom.

1389
01:21:05,019 --> 01:21:08,452
She's...

1390
01:21:08,452 --> 01:21:11,055
the strongest,
most beautiful woman

1391
01:21:11,055 --> 01:21:14,328
I've ever met in my life.

1392
01:21:14,328 --> 01:21:16,390
She just...

1393
01:21:17,592 --> 01:21:20,534
She wasn't taught...

1394
01:21:22,496 --> 01:21:25,539
...how to mother.

1395
01:21:25,539 --> 01:21:27,441
[ sniffles ]

1396
01:21:35,349 --> 01:21:38,112
CAYLYNN: I'm very upset
with my mom.

1397
01:21:38,112 --> 01:21:40,354
I ain't talked to her.

1398
01:21:40,354 --> 01:21:44,158
When she tried to call,
I kept declining it,

1399
01:21:44,158 --> 01:21:46,390
but she sent me letters,

1400
01:21:46,390 --> 01:21:49,163
basically, apologizing.

1401
01:22:42,076 --> 01:22:43,778
[ buzzer blares ]

1402
01:22:51,255 --> 01:22:52,526
RICH: Hello?

1403
01:22:52,526 --> 01:22:54,428
JACINTA: Hello.
RICH: Hey, honey.

1404
01:22:54,428 --> 01:22:56,090
JACINTA: [ voice breaking ]
Hey, Daddy.

1405
01:22:56,090 --> 01:22:57,461
RICH: What's wrong?

1406
01:22:57,461 --> 01:22:59,694
JACINTA: My lawyer just came in.

1407
01:22:59,694 --> 01:23:02,136
His words were, "There's
no other way to put it,

1408
01:23:02,136 --> 01:23:04,699
but you're in a world of shit."

1409
01:23:04,699 --> 01:23:06,440
RICH: What the hell
does that mean?

1410
01:23:06,440 --> 01:23:09,604
JACINTA: It's a mandatory
minimum of 15 years.

1411
01:23:09,604 --> 01:23:10,805
RICH: 15?!

1412
01:23:10,805 --> 01:23:12,376
JACINTA: Yeah.

1413
01:23:12,376 --> 01:23:15,209
RICH: Oh, my God.

1414
01:23:15,209 --> 01:23:16,751
JACINTA: He's gonna
try to fight this

1415
01:23:16,751 --> 01:23:19,353
as much as he can.

1416
01:23:19,353 --> 01:23:21,415
RICH: [ sighing ] Oh.

1417
01:23:32,767 --> 01:23:34,629
LAWYER: Based on the quantity
of the drugs,

1418
01:23:34,629 --> 01:23:38,633
she was looking
at substantial prison time.

1419
01:23:38,633 --> 01:23:40,204
But I think all
the parties involved,

1420
01:23:40,204 --> 01:23:41,505
including the prosecution,

1421
01:23:41,505 --> 01:23:44,108
realized the environment
she grew up in.

1422
01:23:44,108 --> 01:23:46,781
She's become a product
of her environment.

1423
01:23:46,781 --> 01:23:49,143
Originally, my goal was

1424
01:23:49,143 --> 01:23:52,416
to get her into treatment
out of the area.

1425
01:23:52,416 --> 01:23:55,449
During this whole time, though,
Jacinta was also asking me

1426
01:23:55,449 --> 01:23:57,852
to get a plea offer,
get a plea offer.

1427
01:24:25,419 --> 01:24:27,151
‐ Okay.

1428
01:24:29,523 --> 01:24:33,327
She's looking at
a four‐year mandatory minimum.

1429
01:24:33,327 --> 01:24:35,459
JUDGE: Well, you haven't
really had a chance

1430
01:24:35,459 --> 01:24:38,392
to kind of develop your best,
you know, defense

1431
01:24:38,392 --> 01:24:41,435
or your best, what we call,
mitigation, in terms of why,

1432
01:24:41,435 --> 01:24:43,267
what the sentence
should be for you.

1433
01:24:43,267 --> 01:24:45,770
I'm really asking you
to consider

1434
01:24:45,770 --> 01:24:47,872
delaying your plea

1435
01:24:47,872 --> 01:24:49,904
until next month.

1436
01:24:49,904 --> 01:24:53,207
Frankly, your story is
a complicated story,

1437
01:24:53,207 --> 01:24:56,681
and it will take some time
for Mr. Lovascio

1438
01:24:56,681 --> 01:24:58,913
to try to convince
the prosecutor.

1439
01:24:58,913 --> 01:25:00,354
‐ I'm just tired.

1440
01:25:00,354 --> 01:25:02,386
JUDGE: Okay.
‐ I'm just tired.

1441
01:25:02,386 --> 01:25:04,458
JUDGE: I understand.
‐ I'm ready to get it over with,

1442
01:25:04,458 --> 01:25:07,461
whatever it is.
JUDGE: Okay.

1443
01:25:07,461 --> 01:25:09,794
‐ I'm still okay
with pleading guilty.

1444
01:25:09,794 --> 01:25:11,525
JUDGE: Okay.

1445
01:25:11,525 --> 01:25:13,598
[ somber music plays ]

1446
01:25:13,598 --> 01:25:16,200
♪♪

1447
01:25:16,200 --> 01:25:19,634
‐ Three years, four years,
it doesn't matter to me.

1448
01:25:19,634 --> 01:25:23,938
Not like it's changing
a significant amount.

1449
01:25:23,938 --> 01:25:25,680
I just feel bad for my family.

1450
01:25:25,680 --> 01:25:27,642
Like, they're sitting there,
like...

1451
01:25:27,642 --> 01:25:30,584
Do you know what I mean?
To them, it seems like a lot.

1452
01:25:30,584 --> 01:25:33,818
Just ready to go,
move on, let it go.

1453
01:25:33,818 --> 01:25:36,250
It happened.

1454
01:25:36,250 --> 01:25:37,551
JUDGE: Sit down.

1455
01:25:37,551 --> 01:25:41,525
On April 13, 2017, in Lewiston,

1456
01:25:41,525 --> 01:25:43,928
that you did intentionally
and knowingly traffic

1457
01:25:43,928 --> 01:25:46,530
in what you knew and believed
to be a scheduled drug,

1458
01:25:46,530 --> 01:25:47,902
which was, in fact, heroin.

1459
01:25:47,902 --> 01:25:49,503
LAWYER: I think it's a matter

1460
01:25:49,503 --> 01:25:53,237
of getting out of jail
and over to the prison

1461
01:25:53,237 --> 01:25:57,311
where she feels she has
a chance to see her mother.

1462
01:25:57,311 --> 01:25:59,313
JUDGE: So, ma'am,
do you understand that charge?

1463
01:25:59,313 --> 01:26:00,675
‐ I do.
JUDGE: And how do you plea?

1464
01:26:00,675 --> 01:26:03,247
‐ Guilty.

1465
01:26:03,247 --> 01:26:07,952
♪♪

1466
01:26:07,952 --> 01:26:12,827
♪♪

1467
01:26:12,827 --> 01:26:17,732
♪♪

1468
01:26:22,897 --> 01:26:25,339
I'd rather be inside than...

1469
01:26:25,339 --> 01:26:27,401
using and outside.

1470
01:26:32,947 --> 01:26:36,410
Yep.

1471
01:26:36,410 --> 01:26:38,713
If God gave me the choice,

1472
01:26:38,713 --> 01:26:40,054
"Jacinta, you could do
10 years in prison,

1473
01:26:40,054 --> 01:26:41,786
or you could do 10 years
as an addict,"

1474
01:26:41,786 --> 01:26:43,688
I'd do 10 years in prison.

1475
01:26:45,760 --> 01:26:50,064
In the back of my mind,
I'm always in prison anyway.

1476
01:26:50,064 --> 01:26:51,966
Doesn't matter.

1477
01:26:58,933 --> 01:27:00,434
[ sighs ]

1478
01:27:01,836 --> 01:27:03,407
[ click ]

1479
01:27:03,407 --> 01:27:05,009
‐ You can hear the little click.

1480
01:27:05,009 --> 01:27:06,080
‐ Hi!

1481
01:27:06,080 --> 01:27:07,311
‐ Hey, cubby.

1482
01:27:07,311 --> 01:27:10,584
‐ I know!

1483
01:27:10,584 --> 01:27:11,886
‐ How you doing?
‐ You look good.

1484
01:27:11,886 --> 01:27:13,317
‐ I do?
‐ You look good.

1485
01:27:13,317 --> 01:27:15,049
Yeah.
‐ I look chubby.

1486
01:27:15,049 --> 01:27:17,752
‐ Yeah, yeah.
‐ Oh, well.

1487
01:27:17,752 --> 01:27:20,755
‐ I'd rather see you that way
than skinny.

1488
01:27:20,755 --> 01:27:22,496
‐ Why didn't I bring
my glasses in?

1489
01:27:22,496 --> 01:27:23,798
‐ Did you want me
to read it to you?

1490
01:27:23,798 --> 01:27:26,330
‐ Yeah.
‐ Okay.

1491
01:27:26,330 --> 01:27:29,934
It says, "Hi, Mommy.
I miss you so, so much.

1492
01:27:29,934 --> 01:27:32,006
I just want to say,
no matter what happens,

1493
01:27:32,006 --> 01:27:34,969
I am always gonna love you,
even if you're three hours away,

1494
01:27:34,969 --> 01:27:37,341
and I know you probably
want me to say stuff,

1495
01:27:37,341 --> 01:27:40,574
but instead, I want to write you
a song that reminds me of you.

1496
01:27:40,574 --> 01:27:42,046
If I'm the sun, you're the moon.

1497
01:27:42,046 --> 01:27:44,118
If I'm the words,
then you're the tune.

1498
01:27:44,118 --> 01:27:46,380
There are times
my world is crumbling

1499
01:27:46,380 --> 01:27:47,982
and the rain is crashing down,

1500
01:27:47,982 --> 01:27:49,884
but everywhere you are,
the sun comes up.

1501
01:27:49,884 --> 01:27:51,756
Even when you're gone,
I feel you close.

1502
01:27:51,756 --> 01:27:54,659
You'll always be the one
I love the most.

1503
01:27:54,659 --> 01:27:57,932
P. S., don't forget to blow me
a kiss to the stars, mwah."

1504
01:27:57,932 --> 01:28:00,765
‐ Aww, that's beautiful.
‐ Look at how much I've read it.

1505
01:28:00,765 --> 01:28:02,396
Like, you can literally
see through ‐‐

1506
01:28:02,396 --> 01:28:04,769
‐[ laughs ]

1507
01:28:04,769 --> 01:28:06,901
‐It's ripping, but...

1508
01:28:06,901 --> 01:28:09,143
I keep it in my pocket
every day.

1509
01:28:09,143 --> 01:28:10,444
‐ Really?
‐ Yeah.

1510
01:28:10,444 --> 01:28:12,146
‐ [ chuckles ]
‐ Every day.

1511
01:28:20,985 --> 01:28:24,619
So, in the beginning,
I had nothing better to do

1512
01:28:24,619 --> 01:28:26,420
than to let you film me.

1513
01:28:26,420 --> 01:28:30,094
And then when I got out,

1514
01:28:30,094 --> 01:28:32,797
I convinced myself
that I could ‐‐

1515
01:28:32,797 --> 01:28:34,398
this could be a documentary

1516
01:28:34,398 --> 01:28:38,402
about a success story.

1517
01:28:38,402 --> 01:28:42,176
Then when I started using,
I figured this is part of it.

1518
01:28:42,176 --> 01:28:43,738
Like, this is part of recovery.

1519
01:28:43,738 --> 01:28:45,740
Like, it doesn't
have to end here.

1520
01:28:45,740 --> 01:28:47,812
Like, I wasn't gonna give up.

1521
01:28:47,812 --> 01:28:50,685
And being back now,

1522
01:28:50,685 --> 01:28:52,987
it's a little depressing.
[ chuckles ]

1523
01:28:52,987 --> 01:28:55,419
That doesn't have
to be where it ends.

1524
01:29:02,757 --> 01:29:04,128
[ indistinct conversations ]

1525
01:29:10,504 --> 01:29:13,968
I've been here 13 months clean.

1526
01:29:13,968 --> 01:29:16,871
I'm stronger.
I'm healthier.

1527
01:29:16,871 --> 01:29:19,674
But I'm not done.

1528
01:29:19,674 --> 01:29:22,617
I could not get out today
and go back to Lewiston.

1529
01:29:26,150 --> 01:29:29,023
I know that my addiction

1530
01:29:29,023 --> 01:29:32,627
is way stronger than I am.

1531
01:29:32,627 --> 01:29:34,028
My soul is still alive,

1532
01:29:34,028 --> 01:29:38,993
and my willpower is strong.

1533
01:29:38,993 --> 01:29:41,936
I just want this
to be the last time.

1534
01:29:53,908 --> 01:29:56,981
I feel like this place
has brainwashed me

1535
01:29:56,981 --> 01:30:01,485
into feeling like my mom and I
are unhealthy.

1536
01:30:01,485 --> 01:30:03,187
When I got here,

1537
01:30:03,187 --> 01:30:05,790
they wouldn't let us be
housed together.

1538
01:30:05,790 --> 01:30:08,763
We didn't see each other.

1539
01:30:08,763 --> 01:30:10,264
EARNSHAW: You said
something about feeling

1540
01:30:10,264 --> 01:30:12,226
like you were chasing your mom
through the system?

1541
01:30:12,226 --> 01:30:14,729
‐ It's kind of like...

1542
01:30:14,729 --> 01:30:18,172
taking the first...

1543
01:30:18,172 --> 01:30:20,134
sentence they give you,

1544
01:30:20,134 --> 01:30:23,077
thinking you're gonna
see your mom.

1545
01:30:23,077 --> 01:30:25,840
And then you get here,

1546
01:30:25,840 --> 01:30:28,242
and they ship her out ‐‐

1547
01:30:28,242 --> 01:30:30,144
the next day.

1548
01:30:33,688 --> 01:30:35,920
[ TV plays indistinctly ]

1549
01:30:47,201 --> 01:30:51,806
‐ High‐risk factors
that lead to offense ‐‐

1550
01:30:51,806 --> 01:30:54,538
hanging around
some family members,

1551
01:30:54,538 --> 01:30:57,211
stop working my program,
unhealthy situation,

1552
01:30:57,211 --> 01:31:00,144
going to the mall
with intents to steal.

1553
01:31:00,144 --> 01:31:02,847
Those are all just
different things...

1554
01:31:05,579 --> 01:31:08,853
...that would lead me
up to relapsing.

1555
01:31:08,853 --> 01:31:11,786
I had to make that
before I left the prison.

1556
01:31:28,342 --> 01:31:30,074
‐ Oh, hell yeah.

1557
01:31:31,746 --> 01:31:33,147
If I was out when she did that,

1558
01:31:33,147 --> 01:31:35,309
I would've been with her.

1559
01:31:35,309 --> 01:31:37,051
100%.

1560
01:31:37,051 --> 01:31:39,814
I'd have been doing time
with her right now.

1561
01:31:39,814 --> 01:31:42,316
Don't get me wrong.
It don't make me feel good.

1562
01:31:42,316 --> 01:31:45,920
I just know where...

1563
01:31:45,920 --> 01:31:47,822
where we stand together.

1564
01:31:56,671 --> 01:31:58,372
We have such a bond

1565
01:31:58,372 --> 01:32:00,905
that it's unhealthy.

1566
01:32:00,905 --> 01:32:02,276
It really was,

1567
01:32:02,276 --> 01:32:05,139
and it really still is.

1568
01:32:05,139 --> 01:32:07,612
When I got the news my daughter
was coming to the prison,

1569
01:32:07,612 --> 01:32:09,914
she's supposed to come up
to the women's center

1570
01:32:09,914 --> 01:32:12,617
where I was at,

1571
01:32:12,617 --> 01:32:15,019
but they kept me
and Jacinta apart.

1572
01:32:15,019 --> 01:32:17,622
Are you gonna try to separate
a mother and a daughter?

1573
01:32:17,622 --> 01:32:19,323
Are you serious?

1574
01:32:19,323 --> 01:32:21,255
Christ, she was
at the top of the hill,

1575
01:32:21,255 --> 01:32:23,798
and I'm at the bottom
of the hill of the prison.

1576
01:32:23,798 --> 01:32:25,159
I'm yelling up to her.

1577
01:32:28,703 --> 01:32:30,234
‐ I love you.

1578
01:32:30,234 --> 01:32:32,036
That was enough to let her know

1579
01:32:32,036 --> 01:32:33,868
I'm still thinking about her,
and she'd yell down to me.

1580
01:32:33,868 --> 01:32:35,840
We get caught, it's a write‐up,
class A write‐up ‐‐

1581
01:32:35,840 --> 01:32:38,873
communication between
another inmate.

1582
01:32:38,873 --> 01:32:40,975
But how do we do it healthy?

1583
01:32:40,975 --> 01:32:44,248
'Cause I'm not gonna
give up on my daughter.

1584
01:32:44,248 --> 01:32:45,820
Mark my words.

1585
01:32:45,820 --> 01:32:47,952
Three years ‐‐
that's when Jacinta is out.

1586
01:32:47,952 --> 01:32:49,984
You think she ain't gonna
come running to me?

1587
01:32:49,984 --> 01:32:53,087
[ sentimental music plays ]

1588
01:32:53,087 --> 01:32:57,291
♪♪

1589
01:32:57,291 --> 01:33:01,666
♪♪

1590
01:33:01,666 --> 01:33:05,870
♪♪

1591
01:33:05,870 --> 01:33:07,872
TODD: At the end of the day,
it's not my mom's fault,

1592
01:33:07,872 --> 01:33:11,145
you know, how we turned out.

1593
01:33:11,145 --> 01:33:12,947
I think my mom is confused.

1594
01:33:12,947 --> 01:33:15,680
I mean, I don't doubt
that she loves us, no.

1595
01:33:15,680 --> 01:33:19,283
But I think
what she knows of love

1596
01:33:19,283 --> 01:33:21,686
and what love really is ‐‐

1597
01:33:21,686 --> 01:33:24,989
two different things.

1598
01:33:24,989 --> 01:33:27,261
I was loving people
the way that she loved me,

1599
01:33:27,261 --> 01:33:30,124
giving them drugs
or going out stealing with them

1600
01:33:30,124 --> 01:33:33,067
and getting them nice clothes
or nice things.

1601
01:33:33,067 --> 01:33:35,369
That's the love that I got
from my mother, and...

1602
01:33:35,369 --> 01:33:38,172
that's when I realized
that she loved us,

1603
01:33:38,172 --> 01:33:40,174
but in the wrong ways.

1604
01:33:40,174 --> 01:33:43,437
Love is when you...

1605
01:33:43,437 --> 01:33:47,942
love someone enough
to make changes for them.

1606
01:33:47,942 --> 01:33:52,787
♪♪

1607
01:33:52,787 --> 01:33:57,421
♪♪

1608
01:33:57,421 --> 01:34:02,256
♪♪

1609
01:34:02,256 --> 01:34:07,101
♪♪

1610
01:34:07,101 --> 01:34:09,303
CAYLYNN: She's my mom,
and I want to believe

1611
01:34:09,303 --> 01:34:12,136
that she's gonna get better.

1612
01:34:12,136 --> 01:34:15,169
But she has a problem,

1613
01:34:15,169 --> 01:34:18,442
and it's gonna take more
than prison to get over it.

1614
01:34:24,849 --> 01:34:26,921
OPERATOR: You are
receiving a call from...

1615
01:34:26,921 --> 01:34:28,452
‐ Jacinta.

1616
01:34:28,452 --> 01:34:30,024
OPERATOR: An inmate in...

1617
01:34:30,024 --> 01:34:31,826
OPERATOR #2:
Maine Correctional Center.

1618
01:34:35,930 --> 01:34:37,291
CAYLYNN: Hi, Mom.

1619
01:35:28,542 --> 01:35:30,815
[ police radio chatter ]

1620
01:35:30,815 --> 01:35:32,987
WOMAN: The form of research
that's most commonly done

1621
01:35:32,987 --> 01:35:38,192
to understand this is
called ethnomethodology.

1622
01:35:38,192 --> 01:35:41,596
Ethnomethodology is a way
of studying the assumptions

1623
01:35:41,596 --> 01:35:45,559
people make about the behaviors
that they engage in.

1624
01:35:45,559 --> 01:35:49,033
Who or what might be an agent
of socialization?

1625
01:35:49,033 --> 01:35:51,065
Who taught you something

1626
01:35:51,065 --> 01:35:53,167
that you needed to know
for later in life?

1627
01:35:53,167 --> 01:35:55,069
Your mother,
our family, right?

1628
01:35:55,069 --> 01:35:58,442
Our family is a huge agent
of socialization for us.

1629
01:35:58,442 --> 01:36:02,576
No, it's not, or whatever.
Does that kind of make sense?

1630
01:36:02,576 --> 01:36:04,619
I know it's a little bit weird,
but...

1631
01:36:04,619 --> 01:36:09,523
JACINTA: My mother is always
gonna be amazing to me...

1632
01:36:11,555 --> 01:36:14,428
...as sick as people
see it to be.

1633
01:36:15,389 --> 01:36:17,992
I can accept my mother

1634
01:36:17,992 --> 01:36:20,564
and her addiction
and her incarcerations,

1635
01:36:20,564 --> 01:36:23,497
her mistakes.

1636
01:36:23,497 --> 01:36:25,940
I just don't have
to be involved.

1637
01:36:41,085 --> 01:36:43,487
It's been three years
since I saw my daughter.

1638
01:36:43,487 --> 01:36:46,090
I can't believe
three years has gone by.

1639
01:36:46,120 --> 01:36:48,022
[ indistinct conversations ]

1640
01:36:51,596 --> 01:36:54,028
ANNOUNCER: Jacinta Hunt.

1641
01:36:57,932 --> 01:37:00,334
[ indistinct conversations ]

1642
01:37:00,334 --> 01:37:05,339
‐ I remember when
my mom was in jail...

1643
01:37:05,339 --> 01:37:06,681
she used to be like,

1644
01:37:06,681 --> 01:37:08,412
"I can't wait
to smell your hair,"

1645
01:37:08,412 --> 01:37:11,986
and I used to think
she was crazy.

1646
01:37:11,986 --> 01:37:13,347
[ voice breaking ] And...

1647
01:37:18,392 --> 01:37:20,124
...that's exactly

1648
01:37:20,124 --> 01:37:22,356
the things I think about.

1649
01:37:24,959 --> 01:37:28,062
And I think all the time

1650
01:37:28,062 --> 01:37:29,303
about the day that she left,

1651
01:37:29,303 --> 01:37:30,665
and I just kept
telling her like,

1652
01:37:30,665 --> 01:37:32,236
"Caylynn, I'll always
come back for you.

1653
01:37:32,236 --> 01:37:33,668
I promise, I'll always
come back for you."

1654
01:37:33,668 --> 01:37:37,471
And it's, like...

1655
01:37:37,471 --> 01:37:41,115
the one promise
I should've kept good on.

1656
01:37:44,719 --> 01:37:46,951
I guess it's not
necessarily too late,

1657
01:37:46,951 --> 01:37:48,482
but it kind of is.

1658
01:37:54,228 --> 01:37:57,031
CAYLYNN: My mom
has explained to me

1659
01:37:57,031 --> 01:37:59,393
when she first held me

1660
01:37:59,393 --> 01:38:03,037
the emotions that
went through her.

1661
01:38:03,037 --> 01:38:04,739
Giving me up,

1662
01:38:04,739 --> 01:38:07,672
she probably felt like...

1663
01:38:07,672 --> 01:38:10,975
she knew that she wasn't ready.

1664
01:38:10,975 --> 01:38:13,678
So she needed to let go,

1665
01:38:13,678 --> 01:38:17,311
and it must have been hard,
but...

1666
01:38:17,311 --> 01:38:19,383
it was selfless,

1667
01:38:19,383 --> 01:38:22,657
but it was also selfish
because she let go

1668
01:38:22,657 --> 01:38:26,320
because she knew
she couldn't stop.

1669
01:38:26,320 --> 01:38:29,563
Her not being able to stop,
for me, was selfish,

1670
01:38:29,563 --> 01:38:31,295
but what was selfless
was knowing

1671
01:38:31,295 --> 01:38:34,028
that I'd be safe somewhere else.

1672
01:38:34,028 --> 01:38:36,701
And I am, so...

1673
01:38:36,701 --> 01:38:38,773
[ sniffles ]

1674
01:38:38,773 --> 01:38:40,675
Yeah.

1675
01:38:45,039 --> 01:38:47,041
‐ This is her first furlough.

1676
01:38:47,041 --> 01:38:49,543
First time of the times
she's been in prison

1677
01:38:49,543 --> 01:38:52,586
ever her having a furlough.

1678
01:38:52,586 --> 01:38:55,519
If she decides to take off,
I got my taser.

1679
01:38:55,519 --> 01:38:56,751
Brrrr!

1680
01:38:56,751 --> 01:38:59,523
Taser her. [ chuckles ]

1681
01:38:59,523 --> 01:39:02,126
‐ Hi, Daddy.

1682
01:39:03,698 --> 01:39:05,429
‐ Boy, you ready?
‐ Yeah, I am ready.

1683
01:39:05,429 --> 01:39:06,631
‐ I'm not going.

1684
01:39:06,631 --> 01:39:08,462
[ laughter ]

1685
01:39:11,505 --> 01:39:12,707
‐ 5:00.

1686
01:39:13,507 --> 01:39:15,569
[ sentimental music plays ]

1687
01:39:15,569 --> 01:39:17,812
♪♪

1688
01:39:17,812 --> 01:39:19,213
Ehhh! [ chuckles ]

1689
01:39:19,213 --> 01:39:20,414
I'm so excited!

1690
01:39:20,414 --> 01:39:22,416
Come on!

1691
01:39:22,416 --> 01:39:24,819
[ chuckles ]

1692
01:39:24,819 --> 01:39:27,081
Ahh, I can't wait!

1693
01:39:34,128 --> 01:39:35,329
CAYLYNN: Do I know you?

1694
01:39:35,329 --> 01:39:37,391
[ laughs ]

1695
01:39:37,391 --> 01:39:40,665
Come here!

1696
01:39:40,665 --> 01:39:43,237
Oh, my God!

1697
01:39:43,237 --> 01:39:45,439
I missed you!
‐ I stopped eating my ‐‐

1698
01:39:45,439 --> 01:39:47,642
I stopped eating my fries
for you.

1699
01:39:47,642 --> 01:39:50,574
‐ No, you didn't.
You would've come in if you did.

1700
01:39:50,574 --> 01:39:53,377
Look at you!
[ both laugh ]

1701
01:39:53,377 --> 01:39:56,651
I love you so much!

1702
01:39:56,651 --> 01:39:58,382
I love you.

1703
01:40:00,484 --> 01:40:04,218
‐ [ sobbing ] You can't cry
'cause then I'll cry.

1704
01:40:05,519 --> 01:40:07,592
‐ You're so beautiful!

1705
01:40:07,592 --> 01:40:11,225
♪♪

1706
01:40:11,225 --> 01:40:14,669
♪♪

1707
01:40:14,669 --> 01:40:16,731
I'm sorry it's been so long.

1708
01:40:16,731 --> 01:40:18,472
‐ It's okay.

1709
01:40:18,472 --> 01:40:24,178
♪♪

1710
01:40:24,178 --> 01:40:26,410
‐ I can't believe it's real.

1711
01:40:26,410 --> 01:40:31,415
♪♪

1712
01:40:31,415 --> 01:40:36,450
♪♪

1713
01:40:36,450 --> 01:40:41,455
♪♪

1714
01:40:41,455 --> 01:40:46,500
♪♪

1715
01:40:46,500 --> 01:40:51,505
♪♪

1716
01:40:51,505 --> 01:40:53,638
I didn't send Caylynn with Wanda

1717
01:40:53,638 --> 01:40:55,539
because I didn't love her.

1718
01:40:55,539 --> 01:40:57,712
♪♪

1719
01:40:57,712 --> 01:41:00,314
I sent Caylynn with Wanda
because I did.

1720
01:41:00,314 --> 01:41:04,448
♪♪

1721
01:41:04,448 --> 01:41:06,781
Contrary to popular belief,

1722
01:41:06,781 --> 01:41:09,884
it takes a good mother to know

1723
01:41:09,884 --> 01:41:12,486
when they can't do what's right.

1724
01:41:12,486 --> 01:41:15,930
♪♪

1725
01:41:15,930 --> 01:41:19,563
♪♪

1726
01:41:19,563 --> 01:41:21,796
[ radio plays indistinctly ]

1727
01:41:21,796 --> 01:41:26,370
♪♪

1728
01:41:26,370 --> 01:41:30,775
♪♪

1729
01:41:30,775 --> 01:41:32,176
[ chuckles ]

1730
01:41:32,176 --> 01:41:34,248
[ laughs ]

1731
01:41:34,248 --> 01:41:36,480
Just like that.

1732
01:41:36,480 --> 01:41:42,216
♪♪

1733
01:41:42,216 --> 01:41:47,762
♪♪

1734
01:41:47,762 --> 01:41:53,497
♪♪

1735
01:41:53,497 --> 01:41:59,233
♪♪

1736
01:41:59,233 --> 01:42:04,779
♪♪

1737
01:42:04,779 --> 01:42:10,514
♪♪

1738
01:42:10,514 --> 01:42:16,250
♪♪

1739
01:42:16,250 --> 01:42:21,796
♪♪

1740
01:42:21,796 --> 01:42:27,531
♪♪

1741
01:42:27,531 --> 01:42:33,307
♪♪

1742
01:42:33,307 --> 01:42:38,843
♪♪

1743
01:42:38,843 --> 01:42:44,578
♪♪

1744
01:42:44,578 --> 01:42:50,324
♪♪

1745
01:42:50,324 --> 01:42:55,860
♪♪

1746
01:42:55,860 --> 01:43:01,596
♪♪

1747
01:43:01,596 --> 01:43:07,341
♪♪

1748
01:43:07,341 --> 01:43:12,877
♪♪

1749
01:43:12,877 --> 01:43:18,613
♪♪

1750
01:43:18,613 --> 01:43:24,358
♪♪

1751
01:43:24,358 --> 01:43:29,894
♪♪

1752
01:43:29,894 --> 01:43:35,630
♪♪

1753
01:43:35,630 --> 01:43:41,375
♪♪

1754
01:43:41,375 --> 01:43:46,911
♪♪

1755
01:43:46,911 --> 01:43:52,647
♪♪

1756
01:43:52,647 --> 01:43:58,392
♪♪

1757
01:43:58,392 --> 01:44:03,928
♪♪

1758
01:44:03,928 --> 01:44:09,664
♪♪

1759
01:44:09,664 --> 01:44:15,409
♪♪

1760
01:44:15,409 --> 01:44:20,975
♪♪

1761
01:44:20,975 --> 01:44:26,721
♪♪

1762
01:44:26,721 --> 01:44:32,456
♪♪

1763
01:44:32,456 --> 01:44:37,992
♪♪

1764
01:44:37,992 --> 01:44:43,738
♪♪

1765
01:44:43,738 --> 01:44:49,473
♪♪

1766
01:44:49,473 --> 01:44:55,009
♪♪

1767
01:44:55,009 --> 01:45:00,755
♪♪

1768
01:45:00,755 --> 01:45:06,490
♪♪

1769
01:45:06,490 --> 01:45:12,026
♪♪