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Downloaded from
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YTS.MX

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Now, y'all keep asking me,
"Amanda, who is this
special for?"

4
00:00:11,199 --> 00:00:14,060
And I keep telling y'all,
"It's for my sisters!"

5
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:17,100
But it's comedy,
so it's really for everybody.

6
00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:20,190
Okay, maybe not for everybody.
Everybody except for racists,

7
00:00:20,210 --> 00:00:23,199
rapists, sexists,
misogynists, narcissists.

8
00:00:23,219 --> 00:00:26,050
You know, folks that are
callin' the cops on black folks
just livin' our lives.

9
00:00:26,070 --> 00:00:28,170
Yeah, it ain't for you.
It ain't for fuck boys,
or trife gals,

10
00:00:28,190 --> 00:00:31,089
or that one ex, who still ain't
paid you that money back
he owes you. Uh-huh.

11
00:00:31,109 --> 00:00:33,079
No laughs for them.

12
00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:35,009
It ain't for Trump voters,
or coons, or...

13
00:00:35,030 --> 00:00:37,170
people who don't believe
that white men
can be terrorists.

14
00:00:37,189 --> 00:00:39,140
It ain't for homophobes,
or transphobes,

15
00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:43,020
or xenophobes.
You know that wall
is some bullshit.

16
00:00:43,039 --> 00:00:46,049
Hmm. It ain't for bullies,
it ain't for poachers,
it ain't for abusers.

17
00:00:46,070 --> 00:00:47,149
It ain't for people
who keep asking me,

18
00:00:47,170 --> 00:00:49,179
"Amanda, can I
pick your brain?"
No!

19
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,039
It ain't for dudes
who want head

20
00:00:51,060 --> 00:00:53,170
but don't wanna
eat no pussy!

21
00:00:53,189 --> 00:00:55,109
It ain't for you!

22
00:00:55,130 --> 00:00:58,070
(sighs) It also is not
for people who don't
take care of their kids.

23
00:00:58,090 --> 00:01:01,100
It ain't for people who take
their shoes and socks off
on planes.

24
00:01:01,119 --> 00:01:03,109
Who raised you?

25
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:05,230
It ain't for fronters.
It ain't for fakers.

26
00:01:06,010 --> 00:01:09,000
It ain't for the phonies.
It ain't for haters.

27
00:01:09,019 --> 00:01:12,060
Nah, I'm frontin'!
It is for the haters.

28
00:01:12,079 --> 00:01:15,109
'Cause, you know,
y'all be tryin' to stop me
from gettin' my shine.

29
00:01:15,129 --> 00:01:17,120
But guess what?
I can't stop.

30
00:01:17,140 --> 00:01:19,219
Won't stop.
You know why?
'Cause...

31
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,150
Announcer:
Give it up for phat girl,
a young girl...

32
00:01:22,170 --> 00:01:26,189
Amanda Seales!

33
00:01:26,210 --> 00:01:29,140
-(audience cheering)
-(hip-hop music playing)

34
00:01:35,189 --> 00:01:39,140
-Seales: I be...
-Audience: Knowin'.

35
00:01:40,060 --> 00:01:42,109
(audience clapping, cheering)

36
00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:45,079
New York!

37
00:01:45,099 --> 00:01:47,060
(cheering)

38
00:01:48,069 --> 00:01:49,150
We did it.

39
00:01:49,170 --> 00:01:51,099
(laughter)

40
00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:53,079
We here.

41
00:01:53,210 --> 00:01:56,009
My people.

42
00:01:56,030 --> 00:01:58,030
-(cheering)
-Seales: Ah!

43
00:02:01,170 --> 00:02:03,079
The real ones.

44
00:02:03,099 --> 00:02:04,159
(cheers)

45
00:02:04,180 --> 00:02:06,079
The truth-tellers.

46
00:02:06,099 --> 00:02:07,150
(cheers)

47
00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:09,189
The responsible hoes.

48
00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:11,229
(cheering)

49
00:02:13,210 --> 00:02:16,099
(audience laughing)

50
00:02:17,199 --> 00:02:19,139
I see you, boos.

51
00:02:20,090 --> 00:02:23,199
I always say,
we "responsible hoes"
'cause we got levels.

52
00:02:24,110 --> 00:02:26,079
We know our credit score.

53
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:28,079
All right.

54
00:02:28,099 --> 00:02:30,139
We get annual pap smears.

55
00:02:30,159 --> 00:02:32,180
(cheering)

56
00:02:33,150 --> 00:02:35,090
Keep it tight.

57
00:02:37,139 --> 00:02:39,039
But when we hear...

58
00:02:39,060 --> 00:02:41,199
♪ Cash, money, records,
taking over, put the 99
in the 2000 ♪

59
00:02:41,219 --> 00:02:44,000
(cheering)

60
00:02:44,020 --> 00:02:46,069
We know the proper protocol!

61
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:53,180
Women got levels.

62
00:02:53,199 --> 00:02:57,039
Anyone who identifies
as a woman understands,
it's a journey.

63
00:02:57,060 --> 00:03:01,080
Right? Being a woman
is a journey. Lots of
twists and turns.

64
00:03:01,099 --> 00:03:03,219
We dealin' with things
that people don't even...

65
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,159
know that we're
dealing with.

66
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,189
Titties.
Okay?

67
00:03:10,060 --> 00:03:13,150
It don't matter what size
your titties is.

68
00:03:13,210 --> 00:03:16,189
At the end of the day,
when you take your bra off,

69
00:03:16,210 --> 00:03:18,229
they audibly sigh.

70
00:03:19,219 --> 00:03:21,210
(sighs)

71
00:03:21,229 --> 00:03:25,090
You goin' back
to the motherland
in your living room.

72
00:03:25,110 --> 00:03:27,020
♪ Wayla ♪

73
00:03:27,039 --> 00:03:29,219
♪ Wayla, wayla ♪

74
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,170
♪ Let 'em hang,
let 'em swang ♪

75
00:03:31,189 --> 00:03:34,000
♪ Let 'em hang,
let 'em swang ♪

76
00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:38,039
Okay? There's a crowd outside
chanting, "Free the titties!
Free the titties!"

77
00:03:38,060 --> 00:03:40,150
There's a reporter
in your room, interviewing
your nipples, like,

78
00:03:40,170 --> 00:03:43,090
"How does it feel
to be free from
that padded cell?"

79
00:03:43,110 --> 00:03:45,129
"My God, it feels so good
to feel the wind in my hair."

80
00:03:45,150 --> 00:03:48,039
"There's hair on nipples?"
"Yes."

81
00:03:48,060 --> 00:03:50,090
(laughter, cheers)

82
00:03:51,199 --> 00:03:53,229
Then we have these periods.

83
00:03:55,199 --> 00:03:57,050
Right?

84
00:03:57,069 --> 00:03:59,139
I thought by now,
I'd be used to it.

85
00:03:59,159 --> 00:04:02,229
I really did.
But still it be like, ta-da!

86
00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:05,169
I'm like,
where did you come from?

87
00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:11,110
And so I find myself,
more often than I'd like to...

88
00:04:11,199 --> 00:04:14,129
in a public restroom,
doing this.

89
00:04:14,150 --> 00:04:17,120
Wrapping toilet paper
around a crotch.

90
00:04:18,100 --> 00:04:21,120
Because by 37, I've become
a menstrual MacGyver.

91
00:04:23,220 --> 00:04:25,100
(chuckles)

92
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,120
Then there's the whole...
(sighs)

93
00:04:31,139 --> 00:04:33,189
There's a whole thing
about going out.

94
00:04:33,209 --> 00:04:37,029
Okay. Some of y'all
barely made it here
tonight.

95
00:04:37,050 --> 00:04:38,149
(laughter)

96
00:04:38,170 --> 00:04:40,139
(applause)

97
00:04:42,090 --> 00:04:44,139
I be havin' to cheer myself on.

98
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:48,040
Like really,
in the house, like,
"Okay, okay, okay, okay."

99
00:04:48,060 --> 00:04:50,069
♪ We doin' it, we goin' out ♪

100
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,110
♪ We doin' it,
we goin' out ♪

101
00:04:52,129 --> 00:04:54,159
(laughter)

102
00:04:56,149 --> 00:04:58,139
Like, really.

103
00:04:58,159 --> 00:05:01,110
♪ I'm single, but it's cool,
I'm single, but it's cool ♪

104
00:05:01,129 --> 00:05:04,040
♪ I'm single, but it's
c-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-l ♪

105
00:05:04,060 --> 00:05:07,100
♪ Fuck these niggas
Fuck, fuck these niggas ♪

106
00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,199
♪ Fuck these niggas
Fuck, fuck these niggas ♪

107
00:05:09,220 --> 00:05:13,000
-♪ I'm cute, I'm cute.
I'm cute, I'm cute, I'm cute ♪
-(clapping rhythmically)

108
00:05:13,019 --> 00:05:16,180
♪ F-U-C-K, gonna fuck
these niggas anyway! ♪

109
00:05:16,199 --> 00:05:18,209
(cheering, applauding)

110
00:05:31,019 --> 00:05:32,170
It's real.

111
00:05:33,009 --> 00:05:35,139
You do all of that
and you're like,
"Okay, okay."

112
00:05:35,159 --> 00:05:37,050
You get dressed.

113
00:05:37,069 --> 00:05:40,069
I don't know about y'all,
but I be havin' theoretical
outfits.

114
00:05:42,199 --> 00:05:46,009
That only really live
in theory.

115
00:05:47,159 --> 00:05:50,149
My hypothesis
sometimes fails.

116
00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:55,040
'Cause then I put it on
and I'm, like, "Oh."

117
00:05:56,199 --> 00:05:58,199
"Look at that."

118
00:06:00,019 --> 00:06:02,000
Hit and a miss.

119
00:06:02,019 --> 00:06:04,040
(laughter)

120
00:06:07,220 --> 00:06:09,170
But you're not gonna change.

121
00:06:09,189 --> 00:06:12,050
'Cause if I change,
I'm going to sleep.

122
00:06:12,069 --> 00:06:15,040
If I take the clothes off,
I'm going to sleep.

123
00:06:15,060 --> 00:06:17,100
Okay? It's gonna be me
and Lando.

124
00:06:18,089 --> 00:06:19,220
In the crib.

125
00:06:20,209 --> 00:06:22,079
So...

126
00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:26,029
you have to find
another source
of confidence

127
00:06:26,050 --> 00:06:28,110
to be like,
"This works."

128
00:06:29,129 --> 00:06:33,230
For me, that is
the, uh, gay black man
that lives within me.

129
00:06:34,180 --> 00:06:37,149
LaTravious-s-s-s...

130
00:06:38,110 --> 00:06:40,050
I consult with LaTravious
in the mirror,

131
00:06:40,069 --> 00:06:42,040
because LaTravious is
a gay black man,

132
00:06:42,060 --> 00:06:44,079
and gay black men
have more confidence

133
00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:47,009
than anybody on the planet.

134
00:06:47,029 --> 00:06:49,050
(applause)

135
00:06:50,199 --> 00:06:52,090
They have to

136
00:06:52,110 --> 00:06:55,100
'cause they're dealing
with oppression from
multiple sides.

137
00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:58,149
They got racism over here.
They got homophobia over here.

138
00:06:58,170 --> 00:07:01,060
That's why the walk is so mean.

139
00:07:03,009 --> 00:07:05,069
'Cause they be like,
"No, bitch. No, bitch.
No bitch. No bitch.

140
00:07:05,089 --> 00:07:08,110
"Come for me. Come for me.
Come for me. Come for me.

141
00:07:08,129 --> 00:07:10,120
Beyoncé."

142
00:07:10,139 --> 00:07:13,019
(cheers, laughter)

143
00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:25,149
"Wear that.
That's cute."

144
00:07:25,170 --> 00:07:27,199
(laughter)

145
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,149
I'm like, "Okay,
he fuck with it."

146
00:07:34,189 --> 00:07:36,149
I'm ready to go.

147
00:07:38,129 --> 00:07:41,199
So, then you head out.
Right?

148
00:07:42,149 --> 00:07:46,019
You hit that threshold
and you're like, skrrt.

149
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,040
'Cause you realize...

150
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,149
you did not paint
your toenails.

151
00:07:52,170 --> 00:07:54,189
(laughter)

152
00:07:57,060 --> 00:08:00,149
And you have an inner conflict
because one part of you is like,

153
00:08:00,170 --> 00:08:05,180
"I am not hampered by
society's limitations
of femininity.

154
00:08:05,199 --> 00:08:07,209
(laughter)

155
00:08:08,050 --> 00:08:11,120
"I am my personality,
not my appearance.

156
00:08:11,139 --> 00:08:15,079
For colored girls
who considered suicide
when the rainbow is enough."

157
00:08:18,230 --> 00:08:21,139
The other part of you
is like, "Mmm..."

158
00:08:23,009 --> 00:08:25,120
"These shits look
pre-historic."

159
00:08:25,139 --> 00:08:27,089
(laughing)

160
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:41,139
So you've got to come
to a compromise
within yourself.

161
00:08:42,149 --> 00:08:45,019
And that compromise is

162
00:08:45,039 --> 00:08:48,120
to just paint the two
that are showing.

163
00:08:48,139 --> 00:08:50,179
(laughing, cheering)

164
00:08:56,029 --> 00:08:58,049
He got to earn
that pinky toe!

165
00:08:58,190 --> 00:09:01,029
He got to earn
that pinky toe!

166
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,179
♪ Yes, he do ♪

167
00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:08,019
We're dealing with real things.

168
00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:10,210
Women are still dealing
with cat-calling.

169
00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:12,149
Why?

170
00:09:12,169 --> 00:09:15,100
Has it ever been proven
effective?

171
00:09:16,019 --> 00:09:17,070
No!

172
00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:20,169
I was on a show on CNN...

173
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:25,019
where I had to discuss
cat-calling

174
00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:29,070
with the whitest white man
of whitery.

175
00:09:30,149 --> 00:09:34,070
You know, like the kind of
white man that wears two polos
at the same damn time.

176
00:09:34,129 --> 00:09:36,159
One, a-two.

177
00:09:38,149 --> 00:09:40,139
(sighs)
So...

178
00:09:41,139 --> 00:09:44,110
He comes on the screen
and he's like,
"Ah-ah-ah-ah.

179
00:09:44,129 --> 00:09:47,100
I think we can all agree..."
Okay.

180
00:09:48,029 --> 00:09:49,110
Uh-uh.

181
00:09:50,129 --> 00:09:53,120
The minute I hear a straight
white man say, "I think
we can all agree,"

182
00:09:53,139 --> 00:09:55,220
I know, we do not agree.

183
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,179
-(laughter, applause)
-We don't.

184
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:04,190
So, this man is on TV,
and he has the caucasity...

185
00:10:04,210 --> 00:10:06,230
(laughter, applause)

186
00:10:11,049 --> 00:10:12,169
...to say,

187
00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:16,009
"Eh, I think we can
all agree that all women

188
00:10:16,029 --> 00:10:19,190
love getting compliments
from men in the street."

189
00:10:20,090 --> 00:10:22,120
(women muttering)

190
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,110
Whom?

191
00:10:24,129 --> 00:10:26,129
(laughter)

192
00:10:27,029 --> 00:10:30,070
When I hear such foolery,
it makes me...

193
00:10:30,090 --> 00:10:32,210
first, just, go to the root.

194
00:10:37,100 --> 00:10:39,029
And I say, "Okay.

195
00:10:39,049 --> 00:10:43,059
This is somebody
who doesn't know
what a compliment is."

196
00:10:43,149 --> 00:10:45,129
And, you know,
black women...

197
00:10:46,139 --> 00:10:48,149
(laughter)

198
00:10:49,169 --> 00:10:53,070
...we are the masters
at compliments.

199
00:10:53,090 --> 00:10:57,110
We... We have taken
compliments down

200
00:10:57,129 --> 00:11:00,179
to a precise science
of conciseness,

201
00:11:01,149 --> 00:11:04,009
where we don't even
say a full sentence.

202
00:11:04,029 --> 00:11:07,059
We just say at you...

203
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,200
what we're looking at
on you.

204
00:11:11,139 --> 00:11:13,200
"Okay, polka-dots!"

205
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:23,129
When it's that easy,
you gotta hand 'em out
all the time.

206
00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:25,139
'Cause you gotta remember,
it doesn't diminish you any

207
00:11:25,159 --> 00:11:27,120
to pick another sister up.

208
00:11:27,139 --> 00:11:29,159
(cheering)

209
00:11:31,230 --> 00:11:33,100
Compliments.

210
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:36,230
How could he not know?
For clarification...

211
00:11:38,039 --> 00:11:40,090
If I'm in Brooklyn...

212
00:11:41,149 --> 00:11:43,129
at midnight...

213
00:11:44,169 --> 00:11:46,120
and a Jamaican man...

214
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,159
(laughter)

215
00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:53,090
...appears from the shadows.

216
00:12:00,009 --> 00:12:03,009
(cheering)

217
00:12:05,009 --> 00:12:09,070
(with Jamaican accent):
Sweetness-s-s-s...

218
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:16,059
"You look like
a vanilla ice cream.

219
00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:20,129
(laughter, cheers)

220
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:27,179
"Me wan' lick you."

221
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,210
"Ookoo, ookoo."

222
00:12:31,039 --> 00:12:34,100
(in normal voice):
That's not a compliment.
That's a threat.

223
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,139
(laughter)

224
00:12:44,009 --> 00:12:46,019
If I'm in Harlem...

225
00:12:47,179 --> 00:12:51,059
and some brothers
pause their dice game--

226
00:12:53,169 --> 00:12:55,210
it's the polite thing to do--

227
00:12:57,220 --> 00:13:02,000
and they're like,
"Yaw!"

228
00:13:02,019 --> 00:13:06,059
(in Harlem accent):
"Shorty rock and rough and stuff
with one Afro puff."

229
00:13:06,179 --> 00:13:11,049
"And the jacket and the pants
with the dada-dada-dada-
dada on it."

230
00:13:11,070 --> 00:13:14,009
"I see you, maaa!"

231
00:13:14,029 --> 00:13:16,059
(laughing)

232
00:13:21,070 --> 00:13:23,100
"What's really good."

233
00:13:24,110 --> 00:13:27,000
(in normal voice):
Yeah, it's not a compliment.

234
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,169
It's an observation.

235
00:13:31,179 --> 00:13:33,149
Then they want you to smile.

236
00:13:33,169 --> 00:13:35,190
(audience members groan)

237
00:13:37,110 --> 00:13:39,080
"Why you mad?"

238
00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:41,129
(laughter)

239
00:13:42,139 --> 00:13:45,009
"Let me see them pearly whites."

240
00:13:45,210 --> 00:13:49,070
"Yo, why you ain't
smiling, man?"

241
00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:53,179
(in normal voice):
You know why
I'm not smiling?

242
00:13:55,039 --> 00:13:58,070
'Cause I just spent
the last 20 minutes

243
00:13:58,090 --> 00:14:00,049
in a public bathroom

244
00:14:00,070 --> 00:14:03,090
fashioning a makeshift
maxi pad...

245
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:05,059
(laughter, applause)

246
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:08,120
...out of a long-ass
CVS receipt.

247
00:14:13,090 --> 00:14:16,080
Just so I don't got to walk
around here,

248
00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:19,129
looking like a dire wolf
bit me in the pussy.

249
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:20,220
(laughter)

250
00:14:24,070 --> 00:14:26,210
"You still trying to holla,
nigga? What's up?"

251
00:14:26,230 --> 00:14:29,009
(laughter)

252
00:14:33,029 --> 00:14:35,139
They even wanted
Harriet Tubman to smile,
y'all.

253
00:14:36,039 --> 00:14:39,129
Remember when they were
talking about putting
Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill?

254
00:14:39,220 --> 00:14:41,149
There was a room full
of white men

255
00:14:41,169 --> 00:14:43,159
who got together
and said...

256
00:14:43,179 --> 00:14:45,190
"Ah-ah-ah-ah!

257
00:14:46,049 --> 00:14:48,179
"I think we can all agree...

258
00:14:50,039 --> 00:14:53,129
Harriet Tubman just doesn't
look happy."

259
00:14:56,230 --> 00:14:59,009
(in normal voice):
You don't say!

260
00:14:59,179 --> 00:15:02,009
Well, gee willikers!

261
00:15:05,110 --> 00:15:10,169
I just can't think
about why Harriet Tubman...

262
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,120
doesn't look chipper!

263
00:15:16,210 --> 00:15:18,129
Also, for the record,

264
00:15:18,149 --> 00:15:22,049
in our minuscule teachings
of black history
in public school,

265
00:15:22,139 --> 00:15:26,129
it's not like Harriet Tubman
was ever considered
a jokester.

266
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:37,029
Like, she was resourceful,
you know. She was dedicated.

267
00:15:37,049 --> 00:15:39,090
She was revolutionary.
She was heroic.

268
00:15:39,110 --> 00:15:43,029
But you never heard:
"Frederic Douglas,
the orator!

269
00:15:43,049 --> 00:15:45,179
"Martin Luther King,
the leader!

270
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:49,049
"Harriet Tubman.
She had them jokes!"

271
00:15:49,070 --> 00:15:51,039
(laughing)

272
00:15:53,149 --> 00:15:55,120
Never, not once.

273
00:15:56,200 --> 00:16:01,070
But Harriet Tubman brought
so many folks to freedom.

274
00:16:01,230 --> 00:16:05,080
And you know that
in her numerous travels,

275
00:16:05,100 --> 00:16:07,220
bringing folks across
that Mason-Dixon line,

276
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,070
she came across a number
of different personalities.

277
00:16:11,149 --> 00:16:16,009
And I know at least one of 'em
was a complainer.

278
00:16:18,230 --> 00:16:23,129
And there's a very good chance
that it was a man.

279
00:16:25,019 --> 00:16:26,129
Just picture it.

280
00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:28,190
It's the dark of night.

281
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:32,139
You can hear the dogs
from the lynch mob.
Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff.

282
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,230
Bitch-ass racists is running,
"Get them niggers!"

283
00:16:37,149 --> 00:16:40,230
"They're runnin'!
Get 'em! Scat!"

284
00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:45,200
Harriet and... Willie.

285
00:16:45,220 --> 00:16:48,000
(laughter)

286
00:16:52,029 --> 00:16:54,139
The odds are high.

287
00:16:56,159 --> 00:16:58,220
They runnin'. They runnin',
right?

288
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,149
They runnin' through
the woods.

289
00:17:00,169 --> 00:17:02,210
You know, they runnin'
through the stream
to try and lose the scent.

290
00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:05,180
They followin'
the dippin' gourd.
♪ Swing low ♪

291
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:10,130
Here come Willie.
(gasps)

292
00:17:14,230 --> 00:17:16,109
(sighs)

293
00:17:17,089 --> 00:17:19,160
(in deep voice):
"Is we there yet?"

294
00:17:23,190 --> 00:17:26,180
"This sho' is a long walk
to freedom.'

295
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:33,009
"It'd be nice if you
could lighten the mood
a bit.

296
00:17:33,109 --> 00:17:36,029
Tell a little joke
or somethin'."

297
00:17:37,079 --> 00:17:40,109
(sighs, sputters)

298
00:17:42,170 --> 00:17:46,089
(in normal voice):
Now Harriet, in an effort...

299
00:17:47,170 --> 00:17:49,180
not to shoot this nigga...

300
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,230
(laughter)

301
00:17:54,029 --> 00:17:56,119
...would go to her resources.

302
00:17:57,069 --> 00:17:59,049
Her handkerchief.

303
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:04,029
Every picture you see,
Harriet Tubman got this
handkerchief on.

304
00:18:06,140 --> 00:18:08,119
I feel like it was magical.

305
00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:13,049
So in this situation,
she would reach into
that handkerchief.

306
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,150
She'd pull out a joke.

307
00:18:18,170 --> 00:18:20,069
It's on a scroll.

308
00:18:20,089 --> 00:18:22,029
(laughter)

309
00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:33,059
"Okay, Willie.

310
00:18:35,079 --> 00:18:38,029
Why did the chicken
cross the road?"

311
00:18:38,190 --> 00:18:41,079
Willie get hyped.
(gasps)

312
00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:46,099
(in deep voice):
"I don't know, HT."

313
00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:48,150
(laughter)

314
00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:50,079
"Why?"

315
00:18:53,130 --> 00:18:56,170
"To get to freedom, nigga,
that's why! Now keep walking!"

316
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:08,069
(in normal voice):
The joke stylings
of Harriet Tubman.

317
00:19:11,130 --> 00:19:14,000
Yeah, they really didn't
teach us shit.

318
00:19:14,019 --> 00:19:17,160
Black history,
we had to figure it out,
most of us.

319
00:19:17,180 --> 00:19:20,190
We didn't even learn about...

320
00:19:21,029 --> 00:19:23,119
the Negro national anthem.

321
00:19:23,220 --> 00:19:25,220
They kept that real hush-hush.

322
00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:30,099
And I didn't learn about
the Negro national anthem
until I was in 10th grade.

323
00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:32,160
Yeah. My mother
is from Grenada.

324
00:19:32,180 --> 00:19:35,000
So she ain't know
about that shit.

325
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:39,059
My father is from
Roxbury, Boston.

326
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,190
I don't know about
that nigga.

327
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,170
He didn't keep up

328
00:19:44,190 --> 00:19:47,200
his end of the parental
cultural bargain.

329
00:19:48,039 --> 00:19:49,170
So, I just had to figure
some shit out

330
00:19:49,190 --> 00:19:52,160
just by being around
other black folks, okay?

331
00:19:52,180 --> 00:19:54,160
But what I did learn

332
00:19:54,180 --> 00:19:58,160
is that no matter what type
of black person you are,
and I always say,

333
00:19:59,029 --> 00:20:04,089
Every black experience
is a black experience,
unless it is anti-black.

334
00:20:06,180 --> 00:20:08,220
(applause)

335
00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:19,119
Regardless, we all sing
the Negro national anthem
"Lift Every Voice and Sing,"

336
00:20:19,140 --> 00:20:21,190
the same way.

337
00:20:21,210 --> 00:20:26,029
We start it like we are
at our man's mama house

338
00:20:26,049 --> 00:20:28,049
for the first time.

339
00:20:29,089 --> 00:20:31,099
(laughter)

340
00:20:34,210 --> 00:20:36,109
Shall we?

341
00:20:36,230 --> 00:20:38,140
(sings tuning note)

342
00:20:39,190 --> 00:20:44,220
Seales and audience:
♪ Lift every voice and sing ♪

343
00:20:45,079 --> 00:20:50,049
♪ Till earth and heaven ring ♪

344
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:55,220
♪ Ring with the harmonies ♪

345
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,109
♪ Of liberty ♪

346
00:20:59,130 --> 00:21:01,029
Seales:
Someone starts
to double-clap.

347
00:21:01,049 --> 00:21:06,019
♪ Let our rejoicing rise ♪

348
00:21:06,039 --> 00:21:10,190
♪ High as the listening skies ♪

349
00:21:10,210 --> 00:21:13,029
♪ Let it resound ♪

350
00:21:13,049 --> 00:21:17,190
♪ Loud as the rolling sea ♪

351
00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:19,140
Stop.

352
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:21,180
(laughter)

353
00:21:23,130 --> 00:21:26,210
There are white people in here
right now that are like...

354
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,140
"They're having meetings."

355
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,190
(laughter, cheers)

356
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,180
There are people
watching this right now,

357
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:52,049
they just found out
there's a Negro
national anthem...

358
00:21:53,049 --> 00:21:56,019
and that it is not
a song from Hamilton.

359
00:21:56,039 --> 00:21:58,210
(laughter, applause)

360
00:22:07,230 --> 00:22:09,160
I love how...

361
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,079
on this next part,
it's almost as if its creators,

362
00:22:13,099 --> 00:22:15,170
John and James Weldon Johnson
was like, "Shh!"

363
00:22:15,190 --> 00:22:17,099
We gotta throw
some stank on it."

364
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:19,130
'Cause it all of sudden
turns up...

365
00:22:19,150 --> 00:22:22,210
Seales and audience:
♪ Sing a song ♪

366
00:22:22,230 --> 00:22:26,220
♪ Full of the faith that
the dark past has taught us ♪

367
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,039
Seales:
Skrrt, skrrt!

368
00:22:28,059 --> 00:22:31,029
Seales and audience:
♪ Sing a song ♪

369
00:22:31,049 --> 00:22:37,140
♪ Full of the hope that
the present has brought us ♪

370
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,059
Y'all better sing!

371
00:22:40,079 --> 00:22:43,019
Y'all better sing.
Now listen.

372
00:22:44,210 --> 00:22:47,029
The night Obama won...

373
00:22:47,180 --> 00:22:50,059
Don't think about it
too long, 'cause it'll...

374
00:22:50,079 --> 00:22:52,140
You'll get a...
It's like when you
masturbate to an ex,

375
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:55,230
you can't... you gotta
get in that memory
and get out.

376
00:22:56,009 --> 00:22:57,160
You gotta get out
that shit quick.

377
00:22:57,180 --> 00:22:59,190
Don't put your bag down
in that memory.

378
00:22:59,210 --> 00:23:01,180
No, no, no, no.
You gotta...

379
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,230
(laughter, applause)

380
00:23:07,009 --> 00:23:08,230
Play with your mind, right?

381
00:23:09,009 --> 00:23:12,049
Don't do that shit. Just go,
a-heh, heh, heh, heh.

382
00:23:12,069 --> 00:23:14,230
All right?
The night Obama won,

383
00:23:15,009 --> 00:23:16,210
I was at an event.
It was a very diverse event.

384
00:23:16,230 --> 00:23:19,210
Everybody there wanted
to see him victorious,
okay?

385
00:23:19,230 --> 00:23:22,150
So we were all cheering,
excited when they announced
he won.

386
00:23:22,170 --> 00:23:24,029
We all exalted.

387
00:23:24,049 --> 00:23:26,099
Everybody was watching
the screen and they had a feed

388
00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:29,019
of all these different places
that were celebrating
his winning.

389
00:23:29,039 --> 00:23:33,039
And they landed at a church,
and the church was singing
"Lift Every Voice and Sing."

390
00:23:33,059 --> 00:23:35,150
And so we all joined hands
in kind,

391
00:23:35,170 --> 00:23:39,009
and started singing along,
and that's when I saw,

392
00:23:39,029 --> 00:23:43,140
the black people
see the white people
in this room

393
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,000
who had thought,
up until this very moment,

394
00:23:46,019 --> 00:23:49,000
that they was the most
down-ass white people.

395
00:23:53,019 --> 00:23:55,049
(laughter)

396
00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:00,059
(inaudibly mouthing
syllables)

397
00:24:00,079 --> 00:24:02,170
(laughing)

398
00:24:02,190 --> 00:24:04,210
(cheering)

399
00:24:19,210 --> 00:24:26,119
Seales and audience:
♪ Facing the rising sun ♪

400
00:24:30,220 --> 00:24:35,160
♪ Of a new day begun ♪

401
00:24:35,180 --> 00:24:38,000
♪ Let us rejoice ♪

402
00:24:38,019 --> 00:24:40,170
♪ Until victory ♪

403
00:24:40,190 --> 00:24:42,200
♪ Is won ♪

404
00:24:42,220 --> 00:24:46,089
(cheering)

405
00:24:48,039 --> 00:24:50,039
Play ball!

406
00:24:52,009 --> 00:24:54,109
Got the whole nation
in an uproar over
the national anthem

407
00:24:54,130 --> 00:24:56,019
when we should be singing
this shit,

408
00:24:56,039 --> 00:24:58,200
since it's mostly Negroes
on the field, anyway!

409
00:24:58,220 --> 00:25:01,000
(cheering)

410
00:25:03,180 --> 00:25:06,000
Kaep would be like, "Whoa."

411
00:25:06,019 --> 00:25:08,039
(laughter)

412
00:25:09,069 --> 00:25:11,200
(sighs)
"Mission accomplished."

413
00:25:15,210 --> 00:25:19,059
I learned about the
Negro national anthem
in the back seat

414
00:25:19,079 --> 00:25:21,099
of a purple Dodge Neon.

415
00:25:23,230 --> 00:25:27,049
My sophomore year
of high school,
sitting next to my...

416
00:25:27,069 --> 00:25:28,200
best friend.

417
00:25:28,220 --> 00:25:31,029
A white girl named Julia.

418
00:25:32,150 --> 00:25:35,079
And Julia was like...
(sighs)

419
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,150
"I just feel like...

420
00:25:39,109 --> 00:25:42,019
"being friends with you all...

421
00:25:42,130 --> 00:25:44,180
I should know your anthem."

422
00:25:45,059 --> 00:25:48,069
(in normal voice):
And I was like,
"Yeah, bitch.

423
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:51,109
We know your anthem."

424
00:25:51,130 --> 00:25:53,069
♪ Someday somebody's gonna ♪

425
00:25:53,089 --> 00:25:55,230
♪ Make you wanna turn around
and say goodbye ♪

426
00:25:56,009 --> 00:25:58,059
♪ Till then baby, are you gonna
let 'em hold you down ♪

427
00:25:58,079 --> 00:25:59,230
♪ And make you cry,
Don't you know ♪

428
00:26:00,009 --> 00:26:01,140
♪ Don't you know
it's a shame ♪

429
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:03,029
♪ Things'll go your way
if you... ♪

430
00:26:03,049 --> 00:26:04,230
Audience:
♪ Hold on ♪

431
00:26:05,009 --> 00:26:07,140
That's all black girls
that grew up
with white girls.

432
00:26:10,029 --> 00:26:14,009
I am you. You were
the only black girl
at the slumber party.

433
00:26:14,029 --> 00:26:15,160
(cheering)

434
00:26:15,180 --> 00:26:18,140
You were going in the pool
with a shower cap.

435
00:26:19,019 --> 00:26:22,220
Yes. "Keisha, teach us
how to dance! Teach us
how to dance!"

436
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:26,210
Yeah. "You're like black,
but not like black-black.
You know what I mean?"

437
00:26:27,089 --> 00:26:29,000
(grumbles)

438
00:26:31,079 --> 00:26:32,230
I grew up with
all the white people.

439
00:26:33,009 --> 00:26:35,130
I really did.
I grew up with
all the white people.

440
00:26:35,150 --> 00:26:37,220
So, I feel like
I have a handle...

441
00:26:38,079 --> 00:26:39,210
on the white folks.

442
00:26:40,039 --> 00:26:43,079
So much to say that you
can really categorize them

443
00:26:43,099 --> 00:26:46,079
as two... sides:

444
00:26:46,180 --> 00:26:48,079
There's white people,

445
00:26:48,099 --> 00:26:50,029
and people who happen
to be white.

446
00:26:50,049 --> 00:26:52,029
Now, people who happen
to be white

447
00:26:52,049 --> 00:26:57,069
know and understand
that there ain't no truth
to whiteness.

448
00:26:57,089 --> 00:27:00,140
It's not based on
anything biological
or anthropological.

449
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:03,230
It was only created
for the sole purpose
of oppression.

450
00:27:04,009 --> 00:27:05,140
Okay. But...

451
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:07,150
people who happen to be white
also know

452
00:27:07,170 --> 00:27:11,009
that as fake as whiteness is
in reality,

453
00:27:11,029 --> 00:27:13,079
its privilege is real.

454
00:27:13,220 --> 00:27:17,009
So, they know to use
their privilege

455
00:27:17,029 --> 00:27:20,089
to give access to those
who don't have access

456
00:27:20,109 --> 00:27:22,079
to that privilege.

457
00:27:22,099 --> 00:27:24,019
People who happen
to be white,

458
00:27:24,039 --> 00:27:26,089
I call them Hannahs.

459
00:27:26,109 --> 00:27:28,140
(laughter)

460
00:27:35,150 --> 00:27:37,019
White people...

461
00:27:38,089 --> 00:27:40,059
believe the lie

462
00:27:40,079 --> 00:27:42,069
that whiteness makes
them better.

463
00:27:43,019 --> 00:27:45,180
They actually think
it makes them supreme.

464
00:27:46,099 --> 00:27:50,019
And if you believe
that something
that was created

465
00:27:50,039 --> 00:27:54,140
for the sole purpose
of oppressing others
makes you better,

466
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:57,029
then you ain't shit.

467
00:27:57,049 --> 00:27:59,130
(laughter, applause)

468
00:28:07,059 --> 00:28:09,180
We call them Beckys.

469
00:28:11,079 --> 00:28:12,190
That's what it is.

470
00:28:14,180 --> 00:28:17,059
The thing about it,
though, is that...

471
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:21,049
whether you are a white woman
or a woman who happens
to be white,

472
00:28:22,150 --> 00:28:25,119
you have been...

473
00:28:25,180 --> 00:28:27,170
basically protected.

474
00:28:27,190 --> 00:28:31,009
Like, the entire world
has been taught to protect

475
00:28:31,029 --> 00:28:35,009
white women and women
who happen to be white,
at the threat of death.

476
00:28:36,069 --> 00:28:39,000
And so, what has happened
is similar

477
00:28:39,019 --> 00:28:41,079
to like when kids
aren't exposed to germs

478
00:28:41,099 --> 00:28:43,220
and so their immune system
doesn't develop.

479
00:28:45,009 --> 00:28:48,150
White women and women who
happen to be white ain't been
exposed to criticism.

480
00:28:49,029 --> 00:28:52,119
So now they all fragile
and they be cryin'
all the goddamned time.

481
00:28:53,019 --> 00:28:56,220
And now all of us
gotta deal with
that shit.

482
00:28:57,099 --> 00:28:59,119
Every day at work.

483
00:28:59,140 --> 00:29:02,019
(laughter, applause)

484
00:29:07,079 --> 00:29:09,099
Now because of this fragility,

485
00:29:09,119 --> 00:29:12,099
no one is telling
white women and women
who happen to be white

486
00:29:12,119 --> 00:29:15,069
about their
problematic behaviors.

487
00:29:16,140 --> 00:29:18,029
Well...

488
00:29:18,049 --> 00:29:20,000
tonight's the night.

489
00:29:20,019 --> 00:29:22,180
(cheering)

490
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:29,230
Now, see, black women,
we know the shit

491
00:29:30,009 --> 00:29:32,089
that folks don't like
that we do.

492
00:29:32,109 --> 00:29:36,230
'Cause they tell us
all the time.

493
00:29:39,210 --> 00:29:42,079
We know y'all think
we angry.

494
00:29:42,230 --> 00:29:46,130
But we are not hostile.
We just passionate.

495
00:29:47,079 --> 00:29:49,099
(applause)

496
00:29:50,210 --> 00:29:52,119
We're aware.

497
00:29:52,210 --> 00:29:54,190
We just don't care.

498
00:29:54,210 --> 00:29:57,000
(laughter)

499
00:29:59,150 --> 00:30:01,220
We know that you
don't appreciate

500
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,230
when we communicate
with the movie screen.

501
00:30:05,009 --> 00:30:07,029
(laughter)

502
00:30:10,220 --> 00:30:13,230
Elevating it to an
interactive experience.

503
00:30:19,039 --> 00:30:22,220
We are aware...
but we don't care.

504
00:30:29,039 --> 00:30:32,059
We know that it
perturbs you, deeply...

505
00:30:33,059 --> 00:30:38,180
that our hairstyles change
approximately every 2.5
weeks.

506
00:30:44,079 --> 00:30:47,019
Right now, there is a woman
benefiting from white privilege

507
00:30:47,039 --> 00:30:50,160
who is storming into
a break room in a huff.
(huffs)

508
00:30:52,220 --> 00:30:55,000
(laughing)

509
00:30:58,029 --> 00:31:00,049
"Did you see Renita?

510
00:31:07,119 --> 00:31:11,210
"Last week, she had
an adorbs pixie cut.

511
00:31:15,230 --> 00:31:17,170
"And today...

512
00:31:18,009 --> 00:31:20,069
"she showed up
with dreadlocks!

513
00:31:23,210 --> 00:31:26,000
(laughter)

514
00:31:30,119 --> 00:31:33,079
"And I didn't recognize her
on the elevator.

515
00:31:33,099 --> 00:31:35,130
(laughter, applause)

516
00:31:43,220 --> 00:31:46,099
And now she thinks
I'm a racist."

517
00:31:59,049 --> 00:32:00,220
(whimpers)

518
00:32:06,140 --> 00:32:09,029
(in normal voice):
Renita is in her office.

519
00:32:12,019 --> 00:32:14,019
She is aware.

520
00:32:16,109 --> 00:32:18,160
But she don't care!

521
00:32:18,180 --> 00:32:20,079
(applause)

522
00:32:21,210 --> 00:32:23,160
She ain't got time
to care.

523
00:32:23,180 --> 00:32:25,160
'Cause she's composing
an email,

524
00:32:25,180 --> 00:32:27,200
that she has now written
four times,

525
00:32:27,220 --> 00:32:30,200
and had to delete, delete,
delete, delete, delete.

526
00:32:32,059 --> 00:32:35,170
'Cause she was tellin'
the truth, but it's gonna
send her to HR.

527
00:32:35,190 --> 00:32:37,220
(laughter, applause)

528
00:32:40,089 --> 00:32:42,049
'Cause now she has to employ

529
00:32:42,069 --> 00:32:45,009
that whole other language
that any black person

530
00:32:45,029 --> 00:32:48,089
who is attempting to excel
in this country has had
to learn.

531
00:32:48,109 --> 00:32:50,190
We all have had to learn
duality,

532
00:32:50,210 --> 00:32:53,130
so that we can talk
on the block
and in the boardroom,

533
00:32:53,150 --> 00:32:55,109
just to protect y'all.

534
00:32:55,130 --> 00:32:57,079
(applause)

535
00:32:57,099 --> 00:32:59,170
'Cause y'all done turned
passive-aggression

536
00:32:59,190 --> 00:33:02,140
into a synonym
for professionalism!

537
00:33:05,130 --> 00:33:07,150
(cheering)

538
00:33:14,180 --> 00:33:18,049
So, Renita got to go,
delete, delete,
delete, delete, delete,

539
00:33:18,069 --> 00:33:19,210
every time she write
that first line.

540
00:33:19,230 --> 00:33:22,049
And we have all learned
this skill, so much so,

541
00:33:22,069 --> 00:33:24,019
have you ever met
niggas in LA?

542
00:33:24,039 --> 00:33:27,059
Them niggas talk like
a white woman ordering
at Starbucks.

543
00:33:27,079 --> 00:33:29,109
(laughter)

544
00:33:30,190 --> 00:33:34,109
Legit, okay? They sound like
Anthony Hopkins at McDonald's.

545
00:33:34,130 --> 00:33:36,109
I mean, it is incredible.

546
00:33:36,130 --> 00:33:39,160
They have perfected
their elocution.

547
00:33:41,059 --> 00:33:45,059
I believe because the LAPD
has perfected its racism.

548
00:33:45,079 --> 00:33:46,140
(audience members boo)

549
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:48,220
So it's a survival tactic.

550
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,009
I was walking down the street
one time,

551
00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:54,130
and I heard a brother
behind me going,
"Excuse me, excuse me."

552
00:33:54,150 --> 00:33:56,160
(laughter)

553
00:34:00,009 --> 00:34:02,230
I turn around,
and see him going...

554
00:34:05,039 --> 00:34:08,179
I'm like, "What
in the Oompa Loompa?"

555
00:34:09,210 --> 00:34:13,159
And then I realize, I'm in LA.

556
00:34:13,179 --> 00:34:16,190
He tryin' to hit his
gangsta pose.

557
00:34:17,039 --> 00:34:20,150
But I keep walking,
so he keeps having
to recalibrate.

558
00:34:20,170 --> 00:34:22,050
(laughter)

559
00:34:22,230 --> 00:34:24,139
(sighs)

560
00:34:24,159 --> 00:34:26,019
"Shit."

561
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:31,190
So I said, "Let me just let
this nigga live, man."

562
00:34:31,210 --> 00:34:35,079
So I'm like, "What's up, playa?
What's up? What's that?"
And he said...

563
00:34:39,179 --> 00:34:41,139
(in nerdy voice):
"First and foremost...

564
00:34:41,159 --> 00:34:43,190
(laughter)

565
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:55,000
...you're an incredible
specimen of femininity."

566
00:34:57,059 --> 00:35:00,079
I've never been
hollered at...

567
00:35:00,099 --> 00:35:01,210
(laughter)

568
00:35:01,230 --> 00:35:04,010
...in such a way.

569
00:35:07,199 --> 00:35:09,010
(clears throat)

570
00:35:11,010 --> 00:35:14,019
I was like, "Oh. Uh..."

571
00:35:14,219 --> 00:35:16,090
"Okay."

572
00:35:17,010 --> 00:35:21,110
And then I passed him
a copy of Shakespeare's
Julius Caesar.

573
00:35:24,210 --> 00:35:27,030
He was like, "Oh."

574
00:35:30,190 --> 00:35:34,199
(in nerdy voice):
"Friends, Romans,
country--

575
00:35:35,079 --> 00:35:37,050
"Buntry men.

576
00:35:37,070 --> 00:35:40,030
(laughter, applause)

577
00:35:41,159 --> 00:35:44,030
Lend me your
motherfucking ears!"

578
00:35:49,210 --> 00:35:53,110
But back to Renita,
and this email.

579
00:35:54,059 --> 00:35:56,210
She at the computer, y'all.
She's stressed.

580
00:35:58,150 --> 00:36:00,050
She wanna say...

581
00:36:01,019 --> 00:36:03,059
"Why you not readin' my shit?"

582
00:36:04,010 --> 00:36:06,179
But she can't say that.
So you know what she
has to say?

583
00:36:06,199 --> 00:36:09,000
Delete, delete,
delete, delete.

584
00:36:10,010 --> 00:36:11,119
(sighs)

585
00:36:11,139 --> 00:36:13,190
"Per my previous email..."

586
00:36:13,210 --> 00:36:16,000
(cheers, applause)

587
00:36:21,019 --> 00:36:24,199
But there's a behavior
that white women and women
who happen to be white

588
00:36:24,219 --> 00:36:26,150
are doing.

589
00:36:26,170 --> 00:36:30,039
It's an infraction
that you're committing
on a regular basis

590
00:36:30,059 --> 00:36:33,150
that all of us in here

591
00:36:33,170 --> 00:36:35,139
would love for you
to stop doing.

592
00:36:35,159 --> 00:36:39,119
It's plaguing offices
everywhere.

593
00:36:41,150 --> 00:36:43,050
Please.

594
00:36:44,030 --> 00:36:45,139
We beg of you.

595
00:36:46,039 --> 00:36:49,170
Stop cc'ing all these
unnecessary people!

596
00:36:50,030 --> 00:36:52,130
On these goddamned emails!

597
00:36:54,039 --> 00:36:56,030
Stop!

598
00:36:56,050 --> 00:36:57,110
Stop!

599
00:36:57,130 --> 00:36:59,230
Why you sharin' on this
goddamned email?

600
00:37:00,010 --> 00:37:02,159
She ain't got shit to do
with what we're doing
over here!

601
00:37:03,030 --> 00:37:05,210
What you tryin' to do, Becky?
What you tryin' to do?

602
00:37:05,230 --> 00:37:09,050
'Cause I got the receipts!
I got the receipts! Ah!

603
00:37:09,070 --> 00:37:13,000
You ain't think I had that shit.
Well, niggas got me fucked up.

604
00:37:13,130 --> 00:37:14,159
Ooh!

605
00:37:14,230 --> 00:37:17,159
-♪ Ooh, niggas got me ♪
-Audience:
♪ Fucked up ♪

606
00:37:17,179 --> 00:37:20,010
Audience:
♪ Not today, not the one ♪

607
00:37:20,030 --> 00:37:21,170
Seales:
Exactly.

608
00:37:26,099 --> 00:37:27,230
Shit.

609
00:37:29,219 --> 00:37:31,019
Heh.

610
00:37:32,019 --> 00:37:34,050
She ain't know I stay ready.

611
00:37:34,210 --> 00:37:37,090
When you a black person
in any office, you stay ready.

612
00:37:37,110 --> 00:37:41,030
'Cause you're always wondering,
"How black am I gon'
have to get?"

613
00:37:41,050 --> 00:37:43,070
(laughter)

614
00:37:47,059 --> 00:37:48,119
(chuckles)

615
00:37:48,139 --> 00:37:50,150
And what that really means is,

616
00:37:50,170 --> 00:37:53,139
you're going through
a series of checkpoints

617
00:37:53,159 --> 00:37:56,090
on how you gon'
check somebody.

618
00:37:56,219 --> 00:38:00,099
On a scale of Stacey Dash
to Nat Turner.

619
00:38:00,119 --> 00:38:02,139
(laughter)

620
00:38:08,090 --> 00:38:12,039
I was on a flight once,
and I was the only
black person on the flight.

621
00:38:13,050 --> 00:38:15,010
No, I know. It was one of
those things where, like,

622
00:38:15,030 --> 00:38:18,050
you don't really notice it,
like, you minding your own
business.

623
00:38:18,070 --> 00:38:19,139
You like...

624
00:38:21,070 --> 00:38:23,099
(laughter)

625
00:38:32,039 --> 00:38:34,070
"How black am I gon'
have to get?"

626
00:38:34,159 --> 00:38:37,110
'Cause you know something
was gonna go down, you know?

627
00:38:37,130 --> 00:38:39,190
So I sit down in my seat.

628
00:38:40,099 --> 00:38:43,030
And this couple
sits next to me.

629
00:38:43,050 --> 00:38:45,110
I can tell immediately
that they're not
American white,

630
00:38:45,130 --> 00:38:48,099
because American white
has a couple of washes.

631
00:38:48,119 --> 00:38:50,119
It's a little dingy.

632
00:38:50,139 --> 00:38:52,170
(laughter)

633
00:38:58,179 --> 00:39:02,119
And these people looked
like they sprung forth
from an Alp...

634
00:39:03,210 --> 00:39:05,199
singing "Frozen,"

635
00:39:05,219 --> 00:39:10,010
skied down onto the tarmac
on a sleigh,

636
00:39:10,030 --> 00:39:12,059
and then boarded
this flight.

637
00:39:12,079 --> 00:39:16,070
We all know that
if you're in the aisle,

638
00:39:16,090 --> 00:39:18,119
you can get up and sit down
as many times as you want.

639
00:39:18,139 --> 00:39:22,050
You can go to the bathroom,
come back, it's fine. Whatever.
That's your aisle.

640
00:39:23,059 --> 00:39:24,210
If you're in the middle seat,

641
00:39:24,230 --> 00:39:27,010
I mean, you played yourself.
I don't know what you
was thinkin'.

642
00:39:27,030 --> 00:39:28,159
This is silly.
You should have
thought earlier,

643
00:39:28,179 --> 00:39:30,119
you should have booked faster.
I mean, this is foolish.

644
00:39:30,139 --> 00:39:32,159
I can't promise you armrests.
I can't.

645
00:39:32,179 --> 00:39:35,050
You need to sleep
on the tray table. Yep.

646
00:39:35,070 --> 00:39:37,090
(laughter)

647
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:41,210
Compress.

648
00:39:43,059 --> 00:39:45,019
If you at the windows...

649
00:39:46,039 --> 00:39:47,179
you run the windows.

650
00:39:48,099 --> 00:39:51,170
Okay? If there are
four windows here,

651
00:39:51,190 --> 00:39:54,090
I run these windows.

652
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:56,210
These is my windows.

653
00:39:57,210 --> 00:39:59,159
Everybody know that.

654
00:40:02,139 --> 00:40:04,170
So we begin to taxi...

655
00:40:05,159 --> 00:40:07,119
and it happened.

656
00:40:09,110 --> 00:40:11,030
A hand...

657
00:40:12,170 --> 00:40:16,000
reached across

658
00:40:16,019 --> 00:40:18,019
my body...

659
00:40:18,039 --> 00:40:20,079
(laughter)

660
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:23,059
...to close the window.

661
00:40:28,230 --> 00:40:33,079
How black am I gon'
have to get?

662
00:40:33,099 --> 00:40:35,130
(laughter, applause)

663
00:40:42,010 --> 00:40:45,099
Now this is a good time
in the show for me
to share with you all...

664
00:40:46,150 --> 00:40:48,150
that I am trans.

665
00:40:49,099 --> 00:40:51,150
Trans-thug.

666
00:40:51,170 --> 00:40:52,199
(laughter)

667
00:40:52,219 --> 00:40:55,070
I was born in this body,

668
00:40:55,090 --> 00:40:57,190
but within me, is Suge Knight.

669
00:40:57,210 --> 00:40:59,179
(laughter)

670
00:40:59,199 --> 00:41:01,159
So when that hand
reached across my body,

671
00:41:01,179 --> 00:41:03,199
without even thinking
I was, like...

672
00:41:03,219 --> 00:41:06,010
(laughter, applause)

673
00:41:11,039 --> 00:41:13,059
Pass that shit back!

674
00:41:14,070 --> 00:41:15,210
No joke.

675
00:41:15,230 --> 00:41:18,179
She gon' get all huffy.
"Uh, eh, uh, uh, uh..."

676
00:41:18,199 --> 00:41:21,010
(in whiny voice):
"I was just trying to close
my window."

677
00:41:21,030 --> 00:41:22,199
Whose window?

678
00:41:28,090 --> 00:41:30,019
Mm!

679
00:41:31,079 --> 00:41:34,150
So I was like,
"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh."

680
00:41:34,230 --> 00:41:38,230
I was really getting
revved up.

681
00:41:39,099 --> 00:41:42,050
Really getting turnt, and...

682
00:41:43,139 --> 00:41:47,179
(sighs) When I decided
how black I was gonna get,
I said, "You know what?"

683
00:41:48,150 --> 00:41:51,050
"You ain't tryin' to get
on the no-fly list."

684
00:41:54,090 --> 00:41:56,230
So, we're gonna
handle this...

685
00:41:57,010 --> 00:41:59,159
um, at Michelle Obama
black.

686
00:42:00,119 --> 00:42:02,099
They go low...

687
00:42:02,119 --> 00:42:04,059
Audience:
We go high.

688
00:42:04,079 --> 00:42:06,090
We go high.

689
00:42:07,010 --> 00:42:09,059
I decided to...

690
00:42:13,039 --> 00:42:14,170
dig into my

691
00:42:14,190 --> 00:42:18,039
masters in African-American
studies from Columbia
University...

692
00:42:18,059 --> 00:42:20,119
(cheering)

693
00:42:28,090 --> 00:42:31,019
...that I am still paying for...

694
00:42:31,039 --> 00:42:32,090
(laughter)

695
00:42:32,110 --> 00:42:35,050
...and handle this
intellectually.

696
00:42:36,010 --> 00:42:38,110
So I said, "You know,
ma'am,

697
00:42:38,130 --> 00:42:41,119
"I think this is just
a cultural difference.

698
00:42:41,139 --> 00:42:43,199
"Here in America...

699
00:42:45,090 --> 00:42:49,159
"we are all about
personal space.

700
00:42:50,110 --> 00:42:52,170
"And this...

701
00:42:56,079 --> 00:42:58,159
"is my personal space.

702
00:42:58,179 --> 00:43:03,139
And you invaded
my personal space."

703
00:43:04,090 --> 00:43:07,030
That's when her little
boo-thing, Prince Harry,

704
00:43:08,030 --> 00:43:09,199
gon' chime in.

705
00:43:09,219 --> 00:43:13,019
"Ah-ah-ah-ah.
I think we can all agree..."

706
00:43:16,230 --> 00:43:21,030
"You don't have to tell her
about personal space."

707
00:43:21,050 --> 00:43:23,010
(in squeaky voice):
Ooh!

708
00:43:23,159 --> 00:43:26,030
Okay, Prince Patrick.

709
00:43:27,099 --> 00:43:28,230
Go ahead.

710
00:43:29,010 --> 00:43:31,110
Now, I couldn't discern
what language they
were speaking,

711
00:43:31,130 --> 00:43:33,070
but it sounded
something like this:

712
00:43:33,090 --> 00:43:36,179
"Zu-ba-da-ba-da-ba-
la-ba-la... personal space."

713
00:43:37,099 --> 00:43:40,110
"Za-ba-da-la-da-ba-
la-ba-la... okay."

714
00:43:40,130 --> 00:43:44,010
So, you don't want me
to explain personal space.

715
00:43:44,079 --> 00:43:48,000
But y'all don't even have
the words "personal space"

716
00:43:48,019 --> 00:43:49,230
in your language!

717
00:43:50,010 --> 00:43:52,039
(laughter, applause)

718
00:43:55,219 --> 00:43:57,170
But I'm a peaceful soul.

719
00:43:58,019 --> 00:44:01,059
So I say, "I'm gonna let them
have this."

720
00:44:01,130 --> 00:44:03,070
So we took off.

721
00:44:03,150 --> 00:44:07,130
Now, later on in the flight
when we began our
initial descent,

722
00:44:07,150 --> 00:44:09,110
I was asleep.

723
00:44:09,190 --> 00:44:12,190
But remember,
I'm a thug.

724
00:44:13,159 --> 00:44:15,139
So I sleep with...

725
00:44:15,159 --> 00:44:17,199
(audience members murmuring)

726
00:44:17,219 --> 00:44:19,159
That's right.

727
00:44:20,059 --> 00:44:22,079
One eye open.

728
00:44:22,219 --> 00:44:26,010
So I hear Prince Richard...

729
00:44:28,019 --> 00:44:31,119
say, "Ah-ah-ah! Can you please
close the window?"

730
00:44:31,139 --> 00:44:33,219
And I awaken...

731
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:36,199
thinking he's speaking
to me.

732
00:44:37,099 --> 00:44:39,139
When I realized, no!

733
00:44:39,159 --> 00:44:42,019
He's addressing
a flight attendant.

734
00:44:43,119 --> 00:44:44,219
Betrayal.

735
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:46,210
(laughter)

736
00:44:46,230 --> 00:44:50,070
So I get turnt.
Oh, my God. I'm like, "Oh!

737
00:44:50,090 --> 00:44:53,090
"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

738
00:44:53,110 --> 00:44:56,050
"Oh, oh! That's what we doing.

739
00:44:56,070 --> 00:45:01,050
That's what we...
okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay."

740
00:45:01,070 --> 00:45:03,050
Yeah, I was like,
"How black am I gon'
get?"

741
00:45:03,070 --> 00:45:06,070
We about to be
Suge Knight Turbo
out here, all right?

742
00:45:06,090 --> 00:45:08,090
You know how like,
when the Hulk turns green?

743
00:45:08,110 --> 00:45:10,219
I started turning into
a red suit, okay?

744
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:14,030
A cigar starting forming
in his fingers, okay?

745
00:45:14,050 --> 00:45:16,110
I was like,
"Oh, heeeell, no!"

746
00:45:16,130 --> 00:45:18,210
"Oh, heeeell, no!
You wanna be with somebody

747
00:45:18,230 --> 00:45:21,050
where the people
ain't in all the videos."
Like, it was really...

748
00:45:21,070 --> 00:45:23,099
(laughter, applause)

749
00:45:28,110 --> 00:45:31,019
It was about to go down.

750
00:45:34,210 --> 00:45:37,059
But through my rage...

751
00:45:38,159 --> 00:45:40,219
I thought I saw
an apparition.

752
00:45:43,079 --> 00:45:46,030
And I realized,
no, no, no.

753
00:45:47,219 --> 00:45:49,170
This is real.

754
00:45:51,190 --> 00:45:53,159
I was wrong, y'all.

755
00:45:54,019 --> 00:45:57,059
I wasn't the only
black person on that plane.

756
00:45:57,079 --> 00:45:59,110
(cheers, applause)

757
00:46:08,150 --> 00:46:11,090
And this wasn't just
a black flight attendant.

758
00:46:12,139 --> 00:46:14,219
Y'all, this was
a nigga-ttendant.

759
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,019
(laughter)

760
00:46:22,219 --> 00:46:25,110
He looked like
just the day before,

761
00:46:25,130 --> 00:46:27,170
he was bouncin' at a strip club.

762
00:46:28,230 --> 00:46:30,190
And he turned
to some stripper
and was like,

763
00:46:30,210 --> 00:46:33,010
(in deep voice):
"I just wanna
see the world."

764
00:46:33,179 --> 00:46:36,219
And she was like,
"Go and get yo' wings,
baby."

765
00:46:39,030 --> 00:46:41,059
And here he was.

766
00:46:41,079 --> 00:46:43,010
Tyrone.

767
00:46:43,170 --> 00:46:45,150
The odds are high.

768
00:46:47,070 --> 00:46:49,090
Flying the friendly skies.

769
00:46:50,099 --> 00:46:52,159
So Prince Matthew
over here...

770
00:46:56,039 --> 00:46:58,199
gon' ask again.
"Excuse me."

771
00:46:58,219 --> 00:47:01,150
"Can you close
the window?"

772
00:47:03,090 --> 00:47:06,030
And... (chuckles)

773
00:47:06,190 --> 00:47:08,199
Tyrone and I...

774
00:47:09,199 --> 00:47:12,070
exchanged that look.

775
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:18,039
That look that all
black people do...

776
00:47:19,119 --> 00:47:22,210
when something so cauca-tious...

777
00:47:22,230 --> 00:47:25,010
(laughter)

778
00:47:26,199 --> 00:47:28,199
...is taking place

779
00:47:30,159 --> 00:47:33,050
that we can't even
use words.

780
00:47:34,010 --> 00:47:36,019
We must communicate

781
00:47:36,039 --> 00:47:38,090
on a higher Vibranium level.

782
00:47:38,110 --> 00:47:40,119
(laughter)

783
00:47:46,210 --> 00:47:49,070
And a peace came over me.

784
00:47:51,019 --> 00:47:53,130
'Cause in that look, I knew,

785
00:47:54,070 --> 00:47:58,019
I didn't have to wonder
how black I was gon'
have to get.

786
00:47:59,050 --> 00:48:02,019
Tyrone was black enough
for both of us.

787
00:48:10,159 --> 00:48:13,190
When Prince William asked,
one more again...

788
00:48:14,119 --> 00:48:16,090
"Excuse me.

789
00:48:16,110 --> 00:48:19,010
Can you please
close the window?"

790
00:48:19,090 --> 00:48:21,070
Tyrone said...

791
00:48:22,230 --> 00:48:24,139
"Nah."

792
00:48:24,159 --> 00:48:27,090
(laughter, applause)

793
00:48:31,079 --> 00:48:33,099
(cheering)

794
00:48:45,179 --> 00:48:48,050
Tyrone, Tyrone.

795
00:48:49,079 --> 00:48:50,199
Niggas.

796
00:48:51,079 --> 00:48:55,039
I love niggas.
I do, I do.
I love niggas.

797
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:59,070
People be like, "Amanda,
you always givin' niggas
a hard time.

798
00:48:59,090 --> 00:49:00,190
You a man-basher."

799
00:49:00,210 --> 00:49:04,130
I'm like, "Nah. I'm just
very particular

800
00:49:04,150 --> 00:49:06,199
about my vagenda."

801
00:49:09,150 --> 00:49:12,210
Your vagenda is a woman's list
of who could get it.

802
00:49:13,230 --> 00:49:16,050
Okay? You got to be
particular.

803
00:49:16,070 --> 00:49:20,000
Shit, I know I got to be
particular, because fuckin'
with me is a privilege.

804
00:49:20,019 --> 00:49:22,059
(cheers, applause)

805
00:49:30,179 --> 00:49:32,090
Also, I'm older now.

806
00:49:32,110 --> 00:49:35,199
You understand? I'm grown.
I'm a grown-up woman.

807
00:49:36,139 --> 00:49:38,070
When you grown,

808
00:49:38,090 --> 00:49:41,219
you don't make mistakes.
You make choices.

809
00:49:43,079 --> 00:49:46,150
That's why I'm lookin'
at every dick like the side
of a cereal box.

810
00:49:47,139 --> 00:49:50,010
I wanna know your
nutritional value,
nigga.

811
00:49:50,130 --> 00:49:54,119
Are you exceeding my
daily recommended dose
of fuck boy?

812
00:49:56,199 --> 00:49:58,219
'Cause it's zero.

813
00:50:03,139 --> 00:50:06,199
Got to be particular
about your vagenda.

814
00:50:07,090 --> 00:50:09,219
And for the record,
as easy as it is
to get on a vagenda,

815
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:13,000
it's just as easy
to get struck
from a vagenda.

816
00:50:13,019 --> 00:50:15,070
I had a nigga say to me,

817
00:50:15,199 --> 00:50:18,119
"Yeah, my goal one day,

818
00:50:18,139 --> 00:50:21,090
is to have a house
with no mirrors."

819
00:50:25,030 --> 00:50:28,119
♪ What are we
talking about? ♪

820
00:50:29,130 --> 00:50:31,039
What are we talking about?

821
00:50:31,110 --> 00:50:34,199
What are we,
what are we...
talking about?

822
00:50:34,219 --> 00:50:36,039
If your house ain't got
no mirrors,

823
00:50:36,059 --> 00:50:38,159
how are me and LaTravious
gon' communicate?

824
00:50:39,099 --> 00:50:42,190
And get my shit straight.
Struck from the vagenda.

825
00:50:46,039 --> 00:50:49,000
(laughs)
Someone said,
"Oh, my God."

826
00:50:49,219 --> 00:50:51,150
I know.

827
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:55,070
I had another...
(chuckles)

828
00:50:55,090 --> 00:50:59,039
I had another dude tell me,
very nonchalantly,

829
00:50:59,179 --> 00:51:02,050
"Yeah, Stevie Wonder's
just overrated."

830
00:51:02,070 --> 00:51:04,090
(audience groans)

831
00:51:04,110 --> 00:51:05,219
Sir!

832
00:51:06,090 --> 00:51:08,119
I can't fuck you now!

833
00:51:08,190 --> 00:51:11,099
"Ribbon in the Sky"
was on the playlist!

834
00:51:15,139 --> 00:51:17,099
♪ Shoo-do-do-do-do-do ♪

835
00:51:17,119 --> 00:51:20,059
♪ Struck from the vagenda ♪

836
00:51:23,159 --> 00:51:25,030
Eh.

837
00:51:27,139 --> 00:51:29,159
True story.

838
00:51:30,010 --> 00:51:32,010
I had a man

839
00:51:32,030 --> 00:51:34,039
say to me...

840
00:51:35,039 --> 00:51:36,139
(laughs)

841
00:51:38,190 --> 00:51:41,000
"Yeah, I don't fuck
with birds."

842
00:51:42,219 --> 00:51:44,119
Now...

843
00:51:46,159 --> 00:51:48,159
He had a good job.

844
00:51:50,150 --> 00:51:52,090
He had a degree.

845
00:51:52,110 --> 00:51:54,000
He owned a home.

846
00:51:54,090 --> 00:51:58,179
So, I said, "Let me give him
the benefit of the doubt."

847
00:52:00,110 --> 00:52:02,090
And I retorted...

848
00:52:02,170 --> 00:52:05,079
"Oh, you mean like,
promiscuous women?

849
00:52:05,219 --> 00:52:07,110
Birds."

850
00:52:08,119 --> 00:52:09,230
And he said,

851
00:52:10,010 --> 00:52:12,079
"Nah, like birds.
They be flyin' and shit.

852
00:52:12,099 --> 00:52:14,170
"I don't fuck with birds."

853
00:52:14,190 --> 00:52:16,119
What are we talking
about now?

854
00:52:16,139 --> 00:52:18,179
Struck from the vagenda!

855
00:52:24,030 --> 00:52:25,090
(laughs)

856
00:52:26,030 --> 00:52:28,070
So you got to be careful.

857
00:52:29,039 --> 00:52:31,190
You got to be careful
with who's on your vagenda.

858
00:52:33,230 --> 00:52:36,039
Because the dick
can touch the "hort."

859
00:52:36,059 --> 00:52:38,090
(laughter)

860
00:52:48,039 --> 00:52:50,099
Now when a dick
touch the hort,

861
00:52:51,199 --> 00:52:54,059
it means it has
affected you,

862
00:52:54,079 --> 00:52:57,090
not just physically
but emotionally.

863
00:52:57,110 --> 00:52:59,090
Okay? Now when you young,

864
00:52:59,110 --> 00:53:01,099
and the dick touch the hort,
it ain't really that deep.

865
00:53:01,119 --> 00:53:04,099
'Cause you was just happy
you got a period that
you know you don't deserve.

866
00:53:04,119 --> 00:53:06,139
(laughter)

867
00:53:07,159 --> 00:53:10,010
Reckless asses.

868
00:53:10,030 --> 00:53:11,110
Reckless.

869
00:53:11,130 --> 00:53:13,119
Again in a public restroom,
like,

870
00:53:13,139 --> 00:53:15,090
"Yes, I'm still
in the game, niggas!

871
00:53:15,110 --> 00:53:18,139
"I'm still in the game,
I'm still in the game!

872
00:53:19,019 --> 00:53:21,000
"Ah!

873
00:53:21,019 --> 00:53:23,030
"I'm still in the game!

874
00:53:23,050 --> 00:53:25,090
I'm still in the game!"

875
00:53:28,110 --> 00:53:30,019
Hallelu-hallelu!

876
00:53:30,039 --> 00:53:32,199
My God knows me.
He knew I wasn't ready.

877
00:53:32,219 --> 00:53:35,039
He knew I wasn't ready.

878
00:53:35,059 --> 00:53:37,030
He knew I wasn't ready.

879
00:53:37,050 --> 00:53:41,010
Thank you.
One more semester to go.

880
00:53:41,030 --> 00:53:42,190
One more to go.

881
00:53:42,210 --> 00:53:46,010
He knew, hallelu.
♪ Hallelu ♪

882
00:53:46,139 --> 00:53:49,230
♪ All things bright
and beautiful ♪

883
00:53:50,090 --> 00:53:51,230
♪ Hallelu ♪

884
00:53:54,030 --> 00:53:56,119
That happened to me
in real life one time.

885
00:53:57,039 --> 00:53:59,050
I was in a restroom,
and I was like, "Yes!"

886
00:53:59,070 --> 00:54:00,199
And the woman in the stall
next to me went,

887
00:54:00,219 --> 00:54:03,050
(in muffled voice):
"Do your thang, girl."

888
00:54:07,159 --> 00:54:09,079
Okay.

889
00:54:10,190 --> 00:54:12,019
(laughs)

890
00:54:13,199 --> 00:54:15,130
You gotta be careful.

891
00:54:15,150 --> 00:54:18,199
'Cause when you're older,
and the dick touch
the hort...

892
00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:22,010
that shit'll rock you.

893
00:54:22,179 --> 00:54:25,090
Okay? You got to go meditate.

894
00:54:26,050 --> 00:54:29,000
You be like, "Damn.
This nigga done shifted
my chakras."

895
00:54:33,059 --> 00:54:35,050
"Where are my crystals?"

896
00:54:45,050 --> 00:54:48,210
So you don't want
that to happen
with the wrong person.

897
00:54:48,230 --> 00:54:50,119
Okay?

898
00:54:50,139 --> 00:54:52,190
Because when the dick
touch the hort,

899
00:54:52,210 --> 00:54:56,039
you can get a nasty case
of STS.

900
00:54:56,059 --> 00:54:58,030
Not STDs.

901
00:54:58,190 --> 00:55:00,050
STS.

902
00:55:00,070 --> 00:55:02,099
Some call it
"dick-whipped."

903
00:55:02,119 --> 00:55:05,030
Some call it
"dick-matized."

904
00:55:05,050 --> 00:55:08,079
I call it "sexually
transmitted stupidity."

905
00:55:08,099 --> 00:55:10,119
(laughter)

906
00:55:14,179 --> 00:55:16,070
Mm-hmm.

907
00:55:16,230 --> 00:55:18,150
Yeeeees.

908
00:55:18,170 --> 00:55:21,079
Because when the dick
touch the hort,

909
00:55:21,099 --> 00:55:23,219
it can infect your intellect.

910
00:55:24,110 --> 00:55:27,030
Have you just doing
dumb shit.

911
00:55:28,159 --> 00:55:31,090
Like be at a nigga house,

912
00:55:32,150 --> 00:55:34,079
and look down,

913
00:55:36,059 --> 00:55:39,019
and there's a mattress
on the floor...

914
00:55:44,150 --> 00:55:46,170
(laughter)

915
00:55:51,090 --> 00:55:54,000
surrounded by Jordans,

916
00:55:55,130 --> 00:55:57,110
like a moat,

917
00:55:58,190 --> 00:56:01,050
protecting you from yourself.

918
00:56:04,070 --> 00:56:07,079
Now you know you should
take yo' ass home.

919
00:56:07,170 --> 00:56:09,210
'Cause this ain't no place
for a queen.

920
00:56:15,230 --> 00:56:18,159
And if you're over 30,
this isn't even practical,

921
00:56:18,179 --> 00:56:21,170
because your knees
and your back can't even...

922
00:56:22,170 --> 00:56:24,179
What you gon' do
when you gotta go
to the bathroom

923
00:56:24,199 --> 00:56:27,130
in the middle of the night?
You gotta stop, drop...

924
00:56:27,150 --> 00:56:29,190
(laughter)

925
00:56:31,059 --> 00:56:33,000
...and roll.

926
00:56:37,030 --> 00:56:39,119
It don't make no sense.

927
00:56:39,139 --> 00:56:41,190
It's ergonomically
not for you.

928
00:56:42,230 --> 00:56:44,110
It's not for you.

929
00:56:46,079 --> 00:56:48,099
But that STS, that
sexually transmitted
stupidity

930
00:56:48,119 --> 00:56:50,139
will have you lookin'
at it like...

931
00:56:53,039 --> 00:56:54,219
Negotiating.

932
00:56:56,079 --> 00:56:58,099
(sighs)
Yeah.

933
00:56:59,039 --> 00:57:01,010
It's worth it.

934
00:57:01,099 --> 00:57:03,039
And now your ass is
on your stomach

935
00:57:03,059 --> 00:57:05,039
gettin' hit from the back
with your forehead

936
00:57:05,059 --> 00:57:07,099
four inches
from the ground.

937
00:57:09,010 --> 00:57:10,170
Be careful.

938
00:57:11,019 --> 00:57:12,119
Bap, bap, bap.

939
00:57:14,050 --> 00:57:17,050
That ain't a hickey.
That's a bruise.

940
00:57:23,059 --> 00:57:25,030
So, please...

941
00:57:25,050 --> 00:57:28,030
Please! Protect your vagenda.

942
00:57:28,150 --> 00:57:31,039
'Cause the dick
can touch the hort.

943
00:57:32,039 --> 00:57:34,170
Now, men, you know
you're not exempt.

944
00:57:35,030 --> 00:57:37,099
Okay? You're not exempt.

945
00:57:38,010 --> 00:57:39,199
Because...

946
00:57:42,130 --> 00:57:44,230
yes, the dick can touch
the hort,

947
00:57:45,119 --> 00:57:49,070
but any woman
who knows her worth...

948
00:57:49,199 --> 00:57:51,179
knows her power...

949
00:57:52,019 --> 00:57:55,059
knows that
♪ Though the dick ♪

950
00:57:57,099 --> 00:57:59,139
♪ Can touch the hort ♪

951
00:58:01,019 --> 00:58:04,059
The pussy can
snatch the soul!

952
00:58:04,079 --> 00:58:07,219
(cheering, applauding)

953
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:10,179
Thank you!

954
00:58:11,019 --> 00:58:13,150
Stay blessed!
Holla! What up!

955
00:58:36,070 --> 00:58:38,110
♪ Niggas got me fucked up ♪

956
00:58:39,159 --> 00:58:42,130
Seales and audience:
♪ Niggas got me fucked up ♪

957
00:58:42,150 --> 00:58:45,210
♪ Not today, not the one
Fucked up ♪

958
00:58:45,230 --> 00:58:49,210
♪ Ooh, he's got me
fucked up ♪

959
00:58:49,230 --> 00:58:51,210
♪ But I'm not the one ♪

960
00:58:51,230 --> 00:58:53,110
Seales:
Y'all.

961
00:58:54,030 --> 00:58:55,199
Thank you so much.

962
00:58:55,219 --> 00:58:58,010
(cheering, applauding)

963
00:59:02,070 --> 00:59:03,210
Some folks...

964
00:59:03,230 --> 00:59:07,010
Some folks thought this
wasn't gonna happen,
but...

965
00:59:07,030 --> 00:59:09,179
♪ You got the wrong one,
bitch ♪

966
00:59:09,199 --> 00:59:12,010
Seales and audience:
♪ You got the wrong one ♪

967
00:59:12,030 --> 00:59:14,150
♪ Say, you got the wrong one,
bitch ♪

968
00:59:14,170 --> 00:59:17,010
♪ You got the wrong one ♪
Seales: Come on, choir!

969
00:59:17,030 --> 00:59:19,199
Seales and audience:
♪ Say, you got the
wrong one, bitch ♪

970
00:59:19,219 --> 00:59:22,030
♪ You got the wrong one ♪

971
00:59:22,050 --> 00:59:24,190
♪ Say, you got the wrong one,
bitch ♪

972
00:59:24,210 --> 00:59:26,150
♪ You got the wrong one ♪

973
00:59:26,170 --> 00:59:28,159
Seales:
Thank you all so much!
Have a good night!

974
00:59:28,179 --> 00:59:31,099
(cheering, applauding)