1
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Play one of the best new FPS shooters,
search Steam for PROJECT WARLOCK

2
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<i>Here's a little story I'd like to tell...</i>

3
00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:01,978
<i>about three best friends
and their first Noel.</i>

4
00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:06,900
<i>It begins right before Christmas 2001...</i>

5
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:10,320
<i>when a young man named Ethan
became an orphan.</i>

6
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:13,740
<i>His mama and papa both tragically gone...</i>

7
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:18,745
<i>it seemed for him
Christmas had sung its swan song.</i>

8
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,289
<i>As he sat alone on Christmas Eve...</i>

9
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:24,000
<i>his friends came over
and forced him to leave.</i>

10
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,461
<i>They had to get Ethan out of his funk...</i>

11
00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:30,006
<i>so they went to a bar
and they got his ass drunk.</i>

12
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:34,803
<i>With tears and with sadness
they started to mend. Then they said:</i>

13
00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:37,722
No more crying. This sad shit must end.

14
00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:41,309
Christmas was about family,
but now it's about friends.

15
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,853
<i>Thus began a new tradition.</i>

16
00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:46,606
<i>The friends hung on Christmas
and fun was their mission.</i>

17
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:49,150
Who's the baddest motherfucker
on Christmas day?

18
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:53,279
You knew.

19
00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:54,948
- Boom!
- What is it?

20
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,867
That shit holds a hundred songs
at one time.

21
00:01:58,034 --> 00:01:59,369
I got the new Dave Matthews downloaded.

22
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,079
Oh, yeah. Ricky Martin.

23
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:02,872
That guy slays ass.

24
00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:06,876
<i>They chilled with each other,
did all sorts of stuff.</i>

25
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:09,337
<i>They drank many drinks,
they fucked shit up.</i>

26
00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:10,547
Light his dick.

27
00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:19,514
<i>Then one fateful night, 2008...</i>

28
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:22,767
<i>they realized that Christmas
can be even more great.</i>

29
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:25,645
<i>That eve at the bar,
they saw quite a sight.</i>

30
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:28,815
<i>Fellow seekers of joy
having one crazy night.</i>

31
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,568
<i>And there was a woman, so pretty to all.</i>

32
00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:34,362
<i>They worked up the courage,
proceeded to call.</i>

33
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:37,741
- Excuse me.
<i>- Ethan said. And she turned with a fright.</i>

34
00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:40,326
Where were you guys partying
earlier tonight?

35
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:43,163
At a place so great
words cannot describe...

36
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,415
with so many drinks for one to imbibe.

37
00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:48,126
With so many drugs,
I can't believe I survived.

38
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:49,586
What the fuck...

39
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:50,920
<i>Ethan asked.</i>

40
00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:52,839
...is this party called?

41
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,466
Why, you haven't heard?

42
00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,801
It's the Nutcracker Ball.

43
00:02:57,802 --> 00:03:00,388
<i>They asked all around, but to no avail.</i>

44
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:04,142
<i>Where was this great party,
this whitest of whales?</i>

45
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:07,062
<i>And though year upon year
they tried and they failed...</i>

46
00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:10,690
<i>they never did tire, they never did bail.</i>

47
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,193
<i>But over time, the fun did wane.</i>

48
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:16,905
<i>One friend had a family,
the other had fame.</i>

49
00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:20,075
<i>As the years passed,
his boys, they grew up.</i>

50
00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:24,037
<i>But it seems our boy Ethan
is just a little bit stuck.</i>

51
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,960
What's up, buddy? No?

52
00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:33,046
All right. You guys want any of this?

53
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,798
- No, thank you.
- Cool.

54
00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:36,925
Keep it moving. There you go.

55
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:38,510
Yes, good.

56
00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:40,512
Wait. No, no, no. What are you doing?

57
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,847
No one was eating this tuna,
so I thought...

58
00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:45,433
No, no, no. You don't get to
make those executive decisions, elf.

59
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,018
How old are you?

60
00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:49,729
- Thirty-three.
- Thirty-three.

61
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,690
Thirty-three years old, and you're an elf.

62
00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:53,983
And you don't even know how to be an elf.

63
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,276
Show me the elf face.

64
00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:59,781
It's happy. It's eager.

65
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:01,282
More whimsical.

66
00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:03,576
Whimsy. Determined, though.

67
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,538
- There you go! That's it!
- That was it.

68
00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:08,456
That's why you're coming back here
with a full tray.

69
00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:11,710
I'm gonna move you to coat check.
This is your last chance.

70
00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:14,921
And the whole time,
I wanna see that elf face.

71
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,673
Starting now.

72
00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:18,967
Go.

73
00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:20,135
Go.

74
00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:26,516
These two are together.
No, gotta take the ticket.

75
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,102
Hi. Just you, sir?

76
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,688
Great. This is your ticket.
Please try not to lose it.

77
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:34,232
This is a very expensive coat,
so take care of it.

78
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:35,942
Absolutely, sir.

79
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,445
Here, ticket. Okay, this one.

80
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:39,988
Yeah.

81
00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:42,032
Yeah. Great.

82
00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:43,950
Hi. Merry Christmas, sir.

83
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:01,384
Hey, what are you doing?

84
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:03,136
Nothing.

85
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:07,390
I'm gonna be right back.

86
00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:08,641
Now, where are you going?

87
00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:11,019
I'm sick. Sick.

88
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:29,662
<i>Congratulations. You're about to
have the best night of your life.</i>

89
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:32,665
<i>You will learn valuable lessons,
be filled with Christmas cheer...</i>

90
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:34,209
<i>and probably get laid.</i>

91
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:37,379
<i>We will release the location of our party
at 10 p.m.</i>

92
00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:38,755
<i>Merry Christmas.</i>

93
00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:01,945
Yeah, I know, Ma. I'm sorry,
but I have to stay here and work hard.

94
00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:05,990
How you think I'm having
such an amazing season?

95
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:08,576
I love you too. Merry Christmas.

96
00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:09,828
Bye.

97
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,668
What's up, fellas? How's it going, man?

98
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,503
Good to see you, baby. Merry Christmas.

99
00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:20,797
You wanna take a picture, man?
Let's do it.

100
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,966
Just leave it!

101
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:28,138
If you're not Christian, what are you?

102
00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:29,639
I'm Jewish.

103
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:31,057
Is that why you look different?

104
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,559
What was that? Come again.

105
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,020
You just look funny.

106
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I look funny?

107
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,189
You ever see <i>The Shining</i>?

108
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,192
- Isaac?
- Yo!

109
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What are you telling them?

110
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I'm just talking to your lovely daughters
as though they are adults.

111
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,992
From a cognitive level,
if you speak to kids like they're adults...

112
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:52,078
it will make them more curious,
it will open up their minds to more things.

113
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- He's gonna be a great father.
- Yeah.

114
00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:57,876
I just hope we have kids
as beautiful as you girls.

115
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I'm sorry.

116
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,379
Sweeties, just come help Mommy
in the kitchen.

117
00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:03,381
- Are you okay? You want a hug?
- That's okay.

118
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:04,841
Okay.

119
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:07,927
- Gosh, I am such a fucking piece of shit.
- No, you're not at all.

120
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I'm the worst mom.
I'm gonna be terrible.

121
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:10,972
No. Don't say that.

122
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,515
What if I screw this up?

123
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:15,393
You won't. Studies show your maternal
instincts really kick in in the last month.

124
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:16,728
I know. I'm sorry. I'm just nervous.

125
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:18,813
It's fine. I love you so much. Okay?

126
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,940
I love you too.

127
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:22,984
Bets, look who it is.

128
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,361
Ethan!

129
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:25,653
Merry Christmas.

130
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,572
Oh, my God! You look so big!

131
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:29,115
- No.
- No?

132
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,117
You don't know
a lot of pregnant women, do you?

133
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,203
- I meant the baby.
- No, I look really big.

134
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,413
You look great,
and the baby's probably cramped...

135
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,415
- inside of your small, fit body.
- Thank you. No, that's enough.

136
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:40,001
- Just shut up. It's all good. It's fine.
- I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say.

137
00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:41,169
She looks beautiful.

138
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:42,754
- You want a drink?
- Sure.

139
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,047
Do you want a drink, honey?

140
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,423
I'm okay right now.

141
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:46,675
Really?

142
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:49,844
Yeah. I'm kinda on call.
Gotta keep my head on straight.

143
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:51,346
- But you're gonna drink tonight?
- Yeah. For sure.

144
00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:53,473
- Because I'm already kinda drunk.
- I can tell.

145
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,975
- Okay. That's Chris.
- Yeah.

146
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:57,977
Everybody, look who it is!

147
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:02,107
Merry Christmas, blessed Kwanzaa,
happy Hanukkah!

148
00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:04,567
Hey, man. How's it going?

149
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:07,737
Look at this! Oh, my God!

150
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,198
I couldn't even tell you were pregnant
till I saw you from the side.

151
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:11,700
Look how tiny you are!

152
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:13,451
That's so nice of you to say.

153
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:15,161
That is how you talk to a pregnant woman.

154
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,040
It's amazing. You've had the season
of a lifetime. Congratulations, man.

155
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:20,709
- Congrats.
- Thanks, man.

156
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:24,504
Got a new workout, new diet,
new paleo thing I've been doing.

157
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,756
I've heard about that. And it works?

158
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:28,842
It rips you up. If you see me naked,
it'll blow your mind.

159
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,010
I'd love to.

160
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,264
Kick ass.

161
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:42,605
Really can't believe
we're doing this again this year.

162
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,941
I was done a few years ago,
to be totally honest.

163
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:46,818
We're like those kids
who won't stop trick-or-treating.

164
00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:48,903
Eventually, they come to your door,
you're like, "Eh."

165
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,363
"No candy for you."

166
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,906
"Pack it in, kid."

167
00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:54,826
- But this is it. This is the last Christmas.
- Last time. Right?

168
00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,536
- Is he cool with it?
- Yeah, I think so.

169
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:57,871
He looks happy right now, right?

170
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,290
I'm just saying,
we're enabling him at this point.

171
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,834
We're not helping him
get over his own problems.

172
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:05,003
On a psychological level, that's not good.

173
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:06,212
I've made a decision.

174
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,673
For a Christmas present tonight,
I'm gonna take him under my wing.

175
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,633
I'm gonna help him
and get him out of this rut.

176
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,344
It's a conversation we've been avoiding
for 10 years, actually.

177
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:13,511
I know.

178
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,180
Just do it easy.

179
00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:16,681
I'm going all in.

180
00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:18,558
- Don't go all in.
- Balls and all.

181
00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:27,484
Have fun.

182
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,527
Take good care of my husband, all right?
I like him.

183
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:30,945
We will.

184
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:33,281
Hey, Bets, tell Diana I said hello.

185
00:09:33,448 --> 00:09:34,574
Yeah, no.

186
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,659
No, no. Merry Christmas.

187
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,161
Bye-bye.

188
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,038
- Congratulations.
- Good to see you.

189
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:42,415
- Luckiest guy in the Park.
- I sure am. Bye.

190
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,625
Can I talk to you for a second real quick?

191
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:45,627
What? We're not doing gifts now, are we?

192
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:49,714
No, we're doing them tomorrow, but
this one I'm pretty sure you'll want tonight.

193
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,550
- What is it?
- You have been such a rock...

194
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:54,678
throughout this whole pregnancy.

195
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,346
You're like my Dwayne Johnson.

196
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:57,514
Thank you.

197
00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:59,808
It's Christmas now,
and we've almost made it...

198
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,102
and you deserve this.
So Merry Christmas.

199
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,353
Is it cologne?

200
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:04,938
No.

201
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:10,777
Holy shit!

202
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,071
It's every single drug in the whole world.

203
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:15,365
Why are you giving this to me?

204
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,367
You've been so focused
on me and the baby...

205
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:19,661
and tonight I think
you should just focus on yourself.

206
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,706
Go out there, get fucking wild, you know?

207
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:25,875
Is this cocaine? I haven't done cocaine
for 11 years, I don't think.

208
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:27,252
No one has, I don't think.

209
00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:29,129
That's amazing.
Where did you get all this shit?

210
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,922
- Craigslist.
- You got it from Craigslist?

211
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:33,008
I just typed in the search "NYC drugs."

212
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:34,634
Really resourceful of you.

213
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,429
It's your last Christmas together,
so have fun. Enjoy it.

214
00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,681
- Thank you so much.
- Yeah. I love you.

215
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:41,808
This is so great.
I'll have my phone with me.

216
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:45,103
I'll be home pretty early, I think.
Okay. I love you.

217
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:48,857
What?

218
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:50,942
What the fuck is this?

219
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:52,694
This is the Red Bull Limousine, fellas.

220
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:56,698
You are now looking at the face
and body of Red Bull.

221
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:58,450
Wow! Congratulations, man!

222
00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:02,037
Right? Since this is our final Christmas,
I figured we could do it in class.

223
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:04,414
Seriously, this is what the spirit
of Christmas is all about.

224
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:07,334
A rich athlete finally getting
the corporate limo that he always wanted.

225
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,169
- Exactly!
- I think so.

226
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,004
Let's go, get in.
You gotta see this. Come on.

227
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,672
Cool!

228
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:15,759
Yo, it's the Red Bull Limo, guys!

229
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:17,677
All right.

230
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:18,928
Yo! What's up, everybody?

231
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,221
This your man, C-Rob.

232
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:21,765
We in the Red Bull Limo.

233
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:25,518
And we Dom P'in it, we have Cristal in it,
Hennythuggin' it...

234
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,645
and we got Red Bull!

235
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:31,816
I'm capturing this
on my Sony Xperia Ultra phone.

236
00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:34,110
No matter what the light,
the picture's right. All right?

237
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,987
This your man, Chris Rob, coming at you.

238
00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:37,655
What happening? Peace!

239
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,657
Peace!

240
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:41,618
And, Internet.

241
00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:44,287
- His social media game is crazy.
- On point.

242
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:45,538
- Really on point, yeah.
- On point.

243
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,874
Five million people
probably just saw that.

244
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:49,417
Hey there.

245
00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:53,046
Didn't wanna interrupt
while you guys were rolling back there.

246
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,631
Great video, by the way.
I just watched it.

247
00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:55,840
That was fast.

248
00:11:56,007 --> 00:11:59,678
My name's Joshua. I'm gonna be your
Red Bull-provided driver for the evening.

249
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,054
First stop: Rockefeller Center, right?

250
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,889
- Great, thank you, Josh.
- Raise partition.

251
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,057
Nice meeting you, Josh.

252
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,351
I'm doing the hang-loose thing too much.

253
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:08,645
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll call you. There we go.

254
00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,188
Check out what Betsy gave me.

255
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:12,482
It's a bunch of drugs.
We eat a little 'shrooms...

256
00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:16,194
to kinda trip out a little bit,
look at the lights, all the sparkly lights.

257
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:17,362
Let's start with the champagne.

258
00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,656
Yeah, sure, yeah. Yeah!

259
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,742
Aim it out the window,
aim it out the window!

260
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,754
- So what's up, E? How's life, man?
- Life is good!

261
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:35,922
- Yeah?
- Yeah, dude.

262
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,425
How's the music going?
Any gigs coming up?

263
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,677
Not gigs, but gigs are overrated, dude.

264
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:42,470
People are just on their phones
the whole time.

265
00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:43,638
- You know what I mean?
- Totally, yeah.

266
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:44,806
The thing I'm working on now...

267
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:47,142
you really have to listen to it
start to finish. It's a concept album.

268
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,476
What's the concept?

269
00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,979
I'm still conceptualizing
that part of it...

270
00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:52,188
- but it's all about who you know...
- C-Rob, will you sign this?

271
00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:53,356
- ...more than anything.
- Wait up, wait up.

272
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:54,691
How's it going? Hey, merry Christmas.

273
00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,651
- Photobomb!
- There you go. All right.

274
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,028
That just happens now?

275
00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,696
People love C-Rob.

276
00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:01,948
So how about Diana?
You talk to her?

277
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,241
How's things going with that?

278
00:13:03,408 --> 00:13:04,492
Hate to see that one get away, you know?

279
00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,244
- It's still over.
- It's over. Don't worry about it.

280
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:09,706
But it's okay. It's no one's fault, really.
We just drifted apart.

281
00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:12,125
Look, we're at the tree!
Why don't we talk about that another time?

282
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,169
- What?
- Not now, man.

283
00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:21,885
Gentlemen...

284
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:26,473
14 years ago to this very night,
a tradition was born.

285
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:30,268
That year some drunk, fucking asshole
hit my parents with a car.

286
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:33,355
So that Christmas,
I didn't have any family to be with...

287
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:35,398
but you guys were there for me.

288
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,108
But tonight!

289
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:38,401
Tonight's different.

290
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:41,529
We have mutually decided
to end this tradition.

291
00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:42,989
Isaac's about to have a baby.

292
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:46,576
And Chris is just too fucking famous
to hang out with us anymore.

293
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,495
But guys, earlier today...

294
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:52,499
I witnessed
a real-life Christmas miracle.

295
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:54,918
- Where the fuck did you get those?
- Holy shit! Are those real?

296
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,294
They are fucking real!

297
00:13:56,461 --> 00:13:57,462
Where did they come from?

298
00:13:57,629 --> 00:13:59,214
It doesn't matter!
It's a fucking Christmas miracle!

299
00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:01,132
You killed somebody for those?

300
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:02,676
No, I stole them.

301
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,552
That's awesome! What a blowout!

302
00:14:04,719 --> 00:14:07,681
It is the Nutcracker Ball!

303
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,099
Yes!

304
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,643
So I called the number on these tickets.

305
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:14,104
They don't give out the address till 10.

306
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:18,316
So that gives us several hours to hit
as many Christmas traditions as possible!

307
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:19,484
Let's do it.

308
00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:21,653
And it's gonna be the
best fucking night of our lives!

309
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:23,405
I'm so psyched, man. Awesome.

310
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,740
Maybe it'll be the new
Christmas tradition.

311
00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:31,371
I don't know if we're really
replacing this with another tradition.

312
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,456
That was a joke, Isaac.
Give me some credit.

313
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,917
Obviously, that was a joke.
I am totally cool with it.

314
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,377
Obviously, he's joking.

315
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:40,171
- Definitely.
- Gentlemen, I got the sweaters.

316
00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:41,339
This one's for you.

317
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:42,882
- This is for you.
- Nice.

318
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,050
Let's do this!

319
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:45,927
Let's do it. Hey, where'd he go?

320
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,526
Soup's on!

321
00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:26,736
Hey, Thuwan! How's it going, my man?

322
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:29,823
Now it's Christmas. It's not Christmas
till we eat egg drop soup.

323
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,117
It brings me back.
Who are you calling right now?

324
00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:34,327
- Calling my man Tommy Owens.
- You're calling Tommy Owens?

325
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,121
- Who's Tommy Owens?
- He's the best player in the league.

326
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:38,581
- Tommy!
- C-Money, what's up, my man?

327
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:40,458
Merry Christmas.

328
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,252
Tell him hi.

329
00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:43,753
Hennessy.

330
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,463
We going to the Nutcracker Ball.
I got tickets for my boys.

331
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:47,215
I got us on the list for the party...

332
00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:49,134
the after-party, the before-party,
every party.

333
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:50,885
Congrats, baby, you coming up big time.

334
00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:53,013
What we do, baby. That's what we do!

335
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:54,305
Tell him to bring some green with him.

336
00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:56,725
C-Money, while I got you on the phone...

337
00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:59,185
I hate to even ask, but you think
maybe you could bring us some weed?

338
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,771
Yeah, I can get weed.
Look who you're talking to, baby.

339
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:04,441
- Come on. It's Chris Money.
- Smoke it up!

340
00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:06,776
I'll see you at the Nutcracker Ball.
I'll bring you a half a pound...

341
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:08,028
and we gonna roll. Much love.

342
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,988
One. Chris love out. Peace.

343
00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:13,533
How much weed you got in that box?

344
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,035
I don't know. Why don't we check?

345
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:16,369
Check it out, playa.

346
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:21,416
Someone call Snoop D-O-double gezzank,
because I got the reefers.

347
00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:22,959
You have one joint?

348
00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:25,879
She doesn't know that much about drugs.
The proportions of this shit is all off.

349
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:27,630
Dude, we need to get some weed.

350
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:29,632
Can we just not get derailed here?

351
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,801
This is not about
some famous athlete and his weed.

352
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:34,179
This is about the three of us.
This is our last Christmas together.

353
00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:35,847
It is about a famous athlete and his weed.

354
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:38,933
I've been on this dude's team for six years
and he finally knows who I am.

355
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,226
If I can deliver this weed...

356
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:43,146
we could smoke with Tommy Owens
and hang with him all night!

357
00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:44,522
I'd love to smoke weed with Tommy Owens.

358
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:46,232
See? He wants to
smoke with Tommy, right?

359
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,650
Okay. Okay.

360
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:50,195
Where do we get some weed from?

361
00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:52,489
We could call Mr. Green.

362
00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:54,741
Why are we outside our high school again?

363
00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:57,285
Because he's a fucking drug-dealer
and he's suspicious...

364
00:17:57,452 --> 00:18:00,038
and he doesn't meet you
unless he's met you there before.

365
00:18:00,205 --> 00:18:02,374
So it's either our old high school
or this guy's mom's house.

366
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:03,541
That's not happening.

367
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:05,835
I know. So it's here.

368
00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:08,171
Shit. Is that you?

369
00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:10,048
It's not mine.

370
00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:12,467
- No.
- Oh, shit.

371
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,053
That was there before.

372
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,721
Do they even make payphones anymore?

373
00:18:16,888 --> 00:18:18,139
Don't touch it.
People wipe their butts on those.

374
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:19,683
This is how you gotta talk to him.

375
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:20,892
Don't pick up!

376
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:22,435
Hello! 1998 speaking.

377
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:23,812
That's gross.

378
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:28,608
Yeah, I see you. Okay. Thanks.
He's right there.

379
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,486
Go ahead. Go get the weed.

380
00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:32,821
I'm not going. You're going.

381
00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:35,448
- Just get it. Come on, don't be a baby.
- It's your weed!

382
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:36,991
Shit.

383
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:42,997
Is it just me?
He's changed a little bit, right?

384
00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:46,626
Yeah, he seems like
he's excited about his fame.

385
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,170
I think it's our job to sort of
just keep him in check.

386
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:52,298
Sometimes, you think it's easy
to tell your friend something...

387
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,634
and it's actually hard
to tell them that thing...

388
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,052
once you're confronted
with the actual moment...

389
00:18:56,219 --> 00:18:57,387
that you would maybe tell them that thing.

390
00:18:57,554 --> 00:18:58,555
You know what I mean?

391
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,938
Mr. Green! What's up, man?

392
00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:08,732
Good evening.

393
00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:10,525
How you doing?
It's good to see you.

394
00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:12,152
I'm glad you open on Christmas.

395
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,863
A lot of people need me
on Christmas, you know.

396
00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,615
It's a tough holiday.

397
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:19,159
I know you.

398
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:20,535
Yeah.

399
00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:22,871
You used to sell weed to me and
my friends when we were in high school.

400
00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:24,164
Yeah, that's crazy.

401
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,499
So, what do you want?

402
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:29,711
Your best shit, man.
That chronic, that drow, that....

403
00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:31,546
Yeah, yeah. Some of that.

404
00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:35,008
It's good to see you kids
still hanging out and smoking up.

405
00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:36,468
Makes me proud.

406
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:39,846
Thanks, man. We're just kind of trying
to keep the dream alive, you know?

407
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:42,015
But this is not for us.
This is for a good friend of mine.

408
00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:45,143
Tommy Owens. Quarterback.
The Messiah.

409
00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:47,645
You know what?
As far as I'm concerned...

410
00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:49,147
there's only one Messiah.

411
00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:52,233
Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

412
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:54,819
So that name's a little blasphemous.

413
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:56,529
Yeah.

414
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:06,539
The Weed of Christmas Present.

415
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:10,627
I'm an athlete, so drug-free body.
Drug-free zone. No smoking.

416
00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:13,338
You buying that for somebody
and you're not gonna test it?

417
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:15,840
That could be oregano.

418
00:20:16,591 --> 00:20:18,718
- Orega-what?
- Oregano.

419
00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:33,108
So....

420
00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:36,361
Something special supposed to happen?

421
00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:38,029
It just did.

422
00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:40,323
You're in the present.

423
00:20:44,953 --> 00:20:46,746
Maybe I'm high or something, man.

424
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,998
Or maybe you're in the present.

425
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:53,670
The Weed of Christmas Present.

426
00:20:53,837 --> 00:20:56,798
Well, with that logic, isn't all weed
the weed of Christmas present?

427
00:20:57,507 --> 00:20:59,634
Only on Christmas, kid.

428
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,513
Anyway, that'll be a hundred bucks.

429
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:07,058
All right. I'll get your hundreds.

430
00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:10,061
If you guys ain't doing nothing later,
you should stop by this party I'm throwing.

431
00:21:10,228 --> 00:21:12,188
It's a hell of a bash.

432
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:14,274
You serious?

433
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,192
It's not in my car.

434
00:21:16,568 --> 00:21:17,902
It's a real party.

435
00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:22,407
We already got invited to something.
Sorry. But thank you for the invite.

436
00:21:22,574 --> 00:21:25,827
That's no problem.
My feelings aren't hurt. Not really.

437
00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:31,499
Tell Isaac,
"I'll see you in a couple hours."

438
00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:32,834
What?

439
00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:36,671
Tell Isaac I'll see him in a couple hours.

440
00:21:36,838 --> 00:21:39,299
How did he get so good all of a sudden?

441
00:21:39,466 --> 00:21:40,842
I don't know.

442
00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:43,345
Here we go. Here we go.

443
00:21:46,598 --> 00:21:48,600
That shit was the weirdest
fucking experience of my life, dude.

444
00:21:48,767 --> 00:21:51,936
- Really?
- But I got the weed.

445
00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:53,772
Come on, let's go
tear this fucking karaoke down.

446
00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:56,149
Let them bitches know
the Ice Crew in the building!

447
00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:57,817
Let's do it, baby.

448
00:21:57,984 --> 00:21:59,986
- Did you practice the moves?
- Oh, I've been practicing.

449
00:22:00,153 --> 00:22:01,613
Hey!

450
00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:07,035
Happy feet, happy feet.

451
00:22:11,206 --> 00:22:12,749
Show them, huh!

452
00:22:43,655 --> 00:22:45,532
Got my prenup.

453
00:22:52,622 --> 00:22:54,624
I think the 'shrooms are kicking in.

454
00:23:08,221 --> 00:23:10,306
Yo, what's up? We're the Ice Crew!

455
00:23:10,473 --> 00:23:12,142
We just got one thing to say!

456
00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:14,477
Drink some damn Red Bull. Hell, yeah!

457
00:23:19,482 --> 00:23:20,567
It's happening.

458
00:23:20,734 --> 00:23:22,110
- You feel good?
- Yeah.

459
00:23:22,277 --> 00:23:24,112
Ethan, it's Diana!

460
00:23:24,279 --> 00:23:25,697
- Hi.
- What's up?

461
00:23:25,864 --> 00:23:28,324
Chris, I wanna say hi to you,
but you're surrounded by fans!

462
00:23:28,491 --> 00:23:30,493
I know. It's crazy! Say hey to Ethan!

463
00:23:30,660 --> 00:23:31,745
He looks really great!

464
00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:34,622
Let's go outside and Instagram.
My social media game is on point!

465
00:23:34,789 --> 00:23:36,666
- That guy's really famous now.
- Yeah.

466
00:23:36,833 --> 00:23:37,917
Super famous.

467
00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:39,878
So good seeing you guys!

468
00:23:40,337 --> 00:23:42,172
Merry Christmas.
What are you guys doing here?

469
00:23:42,339 --> 00:23:44,966
It's the only karaoke place
that's open on Christmas.

470
00:23:45,133 --> 00:23:46,801
Yeah, it's our tradition.

471
00:23:46,968 --> 00:23:48,636
I should've remembered
that you guys come here.

472
00:23:48,803 --> 00:23:50,055
But Run-DMC,
I got to see it! Finally.

473
00:23:50,221 --> 00:23:51,765
- You liked it?
- It was awesome.

474
00:23:51,931 --> 00:23:53,308
This is what you guys missed.

475
00:23:53,475 --> 00:23:54,642
She did Miley Cyrus.

476
00:23:54,809 --> 00:23:56,728
She destroyed <i>Wrecking Ball.</i>
It was amazing.

477
00:23:56,895 --> 00:23:58,772
- You still like that song.
- Everybody does.

478
00:23:58,938 --> 00:24:02,233
You can cry to it. You can run to it.
You can party to it.

479
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,153
- Timeless!
- What are you guys doing?

480
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,364
We're having a really fun night, actually.

481
00:24:07,530 --> 00:24:09,449
We're kind of going not too hard,
but pretty hard.

482
00:24:09,616 --> 00:24:10,742
We're kind of just....

483
00:24:10,909 --> 00:24:12,160
It's our last night doing the Christmas!

484
00:24:12,327 --> 00:24:15,789
- End of an era.
- Last year.

485
00:24:16,331 --> 00:24:18,041
But it's been really fun, though.

486
00:24:18,208 --> 00:24:19,959
Of course.
Betsy's giving birth in a month.

487
00:24:20,126 --> 00:24:21,920
She's having a baby, yeah.

488
00:24:22,087 --> 00:24:23,505
We're gonna miss her at the office.

489
00:24:23,672 --> 00:24:24,923
But she said that you've been
doing a very good job.

490
00:24:25,090 --> 00:24:26,633
That you're so prepared.

491
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,803
You've read every single book
on being a dad since books were created.

492
00:24:29,969 --> 00:24:31,846
I would be losing my shit right now.

493
00:24:32,013 --> 00:24:34,182
That you're prepared,
like over-prepared.

494
00:24:34,349 --> 00:24:35,642
He's solid. He's got the stats.

495
00:24:35,809 --> 00:24:38,103
A lot of men in your position
fucking freak out.

496
00:24:38,269 --> 00:24:39,896
- They just leave.
- And they take off.

497
00:24:40,063 --> 00:24:43,024
- It's an epidemic.
- It's true. Are you guys....

498
00:24:43,191 --> 00:24:45,777
What the fuck! Are you guys okay?
Are you okay?

499
00:24:45,944 --> 00:24:49,072
These lights in here
fucking with you guys? Like a lot.

500
00:24:49,239 --> 00:24:50,281
Not really.

501
00:24:50,448 --> 00:24:52,575
I think moving around maybe
from the dancing.

502
00:24:52,742 --> 00:24:55,495
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna call Betsy. I'll be right back.

503
00:24:55,662 --> 00:24:58,081
It's good to see you. I'll be....

504
00:24:58,498 --> 00:24:59,624
Give her a call.

505
00:25:01,126 --> 00:25:02,669
You guys have a nice connection.

506
00:25:02,836 --> 00:25:05,255
Yeah, he's a sweetheart.

507
00:25:07,215 --> 00:25:09,426
- I'm gonna go to the bar, get more to drink.
- No, no, no!

508
00:25:09,592 --> 00:25:11,302
- Nice to see you.
- Merry Christmas.

509
00:25:11,469 --> 00:25:12,554
You look good.

510
00:25:14,764 --> 00:25:15,974
Hi.

511
00:25:16,141 --> 00:25:17,517
Hi.

512
00:25:23,273 --> 00:25:24,441
Okay.

513
00:25:24,607 --> 00:25:25,984
Come on.

514
00:25:26,151 --> 00:25:28,194
The 'shrooms are turning.
You got a big night ahead of you.

515
00:25:28,361 --> 00:25:29,654
Let's get something else going here.

516
00:25:29,821 --> 00:25:31,781
Cocaine. That'll straighten me out.

517
00:25:31,948 --> 00:25:34,576
Get in my brain. Make me feel different.

518
00:25:34,784 --> 00:25:35,785
Yeah.

519
00:25:40,165 --> 00:25:42,917
What's up, Messiah?
How you doing, White Jesus?

520
00:25:43,585 --> 00:25:45,420
Yo, check it out. It's C-Rob, man.

521
00:25:45,587 --> 00:25:48,631
So everything's good. I got you.

522
00:25:48,798 --> 00:25:51,718
I got the shit. I got the weed.
I got the smoke.

523
00:25:51,885 --> 00:25:55,347
You know what? I'm tripping.
I'mma just text you, all right?

524
00:25:55,513 --> 00:25:58,183
What happened to peace?
Peace. C-Rob out.

525
00:25:58,350 --> 00:26:01,144
Chris motherfucking Roberts!

526
00:26:01,811 --> 00:26:03,813
Well, I'm not Julia Roberts.

527
00:26:03,980 --> 00:26:05,774
But you are a pretty woman.

528
00:26:06,274 --> 00:26:07,650
Oh, shit!

529
00:26:07,817 --> 00:26:09,694
Dude, I am such a fan.

530
00:26:10,070 --> 00:26:11,154
Meeting you here tonight...

531
00:26:11,321 --> 00:26:13,948
this is enough to make Christmas
tolerable for me.

532
00:26:14,783 --> 00:26:16,034
You don't like Christmas?

533
00:26:16,201 --> 00:26:18,661
No. I fucking hate Christmas.

534
00:26:18,828 --> 00:26:21,748
Sorry to be like a Grinch. You're into it.

535
00:26:22,791 --> 00:26:23,958
This is amazing.

536
00:26:24,125 --> 00:26:26,461
As much as I hate Christmas,
that's how much I love you.

537
00:26:27,545 --> 00:26:30,256
Sorry. I'm being too much.

538
00:26:30,423 --> 00:26:32,634
I'm jizzing all over you.
I'm getting, like, jizzy. Sorry.

539
00:26:32,801 --> 00:26:35,303
No, no, no. Jizz all over me.
I like that shit.

540
00:26:35,470 --> 00:26:37,806
You probably wanna
go back to your friends.

541
00:26:37,972 --> 00:26:39,474
Fuck my friends.

542
00:26:39,641 --> 00:26:41,559
Friends come and go...

543
00:26:41,726 --> 00:26:43,436
but fans, that's forever.

544
00:26:43,603 --> 00:26:45,772
- You're naughty.
- I'm very naughty.

545
00:26:45,939 --> 00:26:49,401
I'm gonna teach you a Christmas lesson,
you naughty boy.

546
00:26:49,901 --> 00:26:51,027
Okay.

547
00:26:52,779 --> 00:26:54,781
The truth will set you free.

548
00:26:57,158 --> 00:26:58,785
Hey, yo.

549
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,955
This is a message for future Isaac...

550
00:27:02,122 --> 00:27:04,165
from current Isaac.

551
00:27:04,332 --> 00:27:06,751
And I have to tell you to listen to me...

552
00:27:06,918 --> 00:27:08,461
because right now I have clarity.

553
00:27:08,628 --> 00:27:10,797
You should not be having
this fucking baby.

554
00:27:10,964 --> 00:27:12,007
This baby's a mistake.

555
00:27:12,173 --> 00:27:14,592
The baby will ruin your life.
You'll ruin the baby's life!

556
00:27:14,759 --> 00:27:16,678
And then the baby
will fucking murder people!

557
00:27:16,845 --> 00:27:20,181
I don't know what you do at this point,
but get rid of this fucking baby!

558
00:27:20,348 --> 00:27:22,475
Put it in a bag and leave it somewhere!

559
00:27:22,642 --> 00:27:25,645
Put it in a basket
and push it down a fucking river!

560
00:27:25,812 --> 00:27:26,980
Fuck you, baby!

561
00:27:27,147 --> 00:27:29,524
Fuck your baby-fucking little arms...

562
00:27:29,691 --> 00:27:31,818
and your fucking chubby little
baby-fucking legs!

563
00:27:31,985 --> 00:27:35,113
Fuck you, baby! Fuck you! Cunt!

564
00:27:38,074 --> 00:27:39,075
Okay.

565
00:27:40,952 --> 00:27:42,078
Fuck.

566
00:27:45,123 --> 00:27:47,000
Have some fun! Yeah!

567
00:27:47,292 --> 00:27:48,293
Let's party!

568
00:27:54,841 --> 00:27:56,634
- Isaac?
- Fuck! Yeah!

569
00:27:56,801 --> 00:27:58,386
Hi, Sarah! Whaddup?

570
00:27:58,553 --> 00:27:59,763
- How's it going?
- All right.

571
00:27:59,929 --> 00:28:00,930
Good. Cool.

572
00:28:01,097 --> 00:28:02,390
What's going on? You good?

573
00:28:02,557 --> 00:28:03,558
You're so sweaty.

574
00:28:03,725 --> 00:28:05,268
It's hot in here. I run hot.

575
00:28:05,435 --> 00:28:06,561
We have this tradition
where we wear sweaters.

576
00:28:06,728 --> 00:28:07,854
I don't always wear a sweater, obviously.

577
00:28:08,021 --> 00:28:10,190
When I'm inside I'd normally take it off.
I think it would hurt my friends' feelings.

578
00:28:10,357 --> 00:28:12,442
You're talking so fast,
you sound like an auctioneer.

579
00:28:12,609 --> 00:28:13,777
That's funny. Sold!

580
00:28:14,903 --> 00:28:16,988
- That was kind of scary.
- Sorry. I don't mean to scare you.

581
00:28:17,155 --> 00:28:19,491
- It's like, "Sold!"
- Oh, my God!

582
00:28:20,241 --> 00:28:21,534
You shouldn't have said it.
Now it's all I can think about.

583
00:28:21,701 --> 00:28:23,203
- You want a drink?
- Sure!

584
00:28:23,370 --> 00:28:25,121
Let's have a drink.
I'll be right back.

585
00:28:25,288 --> 00:28:26,289
Thanks, Isaac.

586
00:28:30,085 --> 00:28:31,586
Betsy said you've been asking about me.

587
00:28:31,753 --> 00:28:34,214
- That's a lie.
- That's a lie.

588
00:28:34,381 --> 00:28:38,468
Betsy would never in a billion years
say anything even remotely like that.

589
00:28:38,635 --> 00:28:40,261
How's your family?

590
00:28:40,428 --> 00:28:42,430
You're asking about my family.

591
00:28:43,098 --> 00:28:45,684
Sorry, I can't believe it.
Who are you?

592
00:28:45,850 --> 00:28:46,976
I deserve that.

593
00:28:47,143 --> 00:28:49,521
My family, thank you for asking, is fine.

594
00:28:49,688 --> 00:28:52,107
You usually stay with them
on Christmas Eve, no?

595
00:28:52,273 --> 00:28:55,485
Yeah, I'm staying with them,
but I'm going to this thing with Sarah.

596
00:28:55,652 --> 00:28:56,903
What is it?

597
00:28:58,738 --> 00:29:02,367
Okay, she's dating this guy,
and he got us into this party.

598
00:29:02,534 --> 00:29:04,369
And I know you've
always wanted to go to it....

599
00:29:04,536 --> 00:29:06,037
Shit. Are you going
to the Nutcracker Ball?

600
00:29:06,204 --> 00:29:07,455
Yeah. I'm sorry.

601
00:29:07,622 --> 00:29:08,623
We're going too.

602
00:29:08,790 --> 00:29:10,166
- You are?
- Isn't that crazy?

603
00:29:10,333 --> 00:29:12,085
I'm happy for you. Your last Christmas...

604
00:29:12,252 --> 00:29:14,337
and you get to go to the big dumb party
you've always wanted to go to.

605
00:29:14,504 --> 00:29:15,630
You bringing anyone?

606
00:29:15,797 --> 00:29:17,340
To the dumb party?

607
00:29:17,507 --> 00:29:19,926
- Any guys?
- Me?

608
00:29:20,093 --> 00:29:22,887
Yeah, I'm bringing these two guys...

609
00:29:23,054 --> 00:29:25,515
that I'm kind of dating.

610
00:29:25,682 --> 00:29:27,142
With really huge dicks.

611
00:29:27,308 --> 00:29:32,063
Who've got enormous,
almost novelty-sized dicks.

612
00:29:32,230 --> 00:29:34,441
I've been seeing a girl
with a huge vagina.

613
00:29:34,607 --> 00:29:35,734
Have you?

614
00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:37,527
I don't know if it really
has the same impact.

615
00:29:37,694 --> 00:29:40,280
I just hope that this
nice young lady's vagina...

616
00:29:40,447 --> 00:29:42,282
is not half as big as mine.

617
00:29:42,449 --> 00:29:45,368
- Your vagina, I mean....
- The biggest! I know.

618
00:29:45,535 --> 00:29:48,246
- Here you go.
- Thank you so much. Appreciate that.

619
00:29:48,830 --> 00:29:50,123
- It's on your tab.
- Cool.

620
00:30:01,926 --> 00:30:03,178
Cheers!

621
00:30:03,345 --> 00:30:04,679
This is so much fun!

622
00:30:06,514 --> 00:30:07,515
Good beer.

623
00:30:07,682 --> 00:30:09,601
They say beer mellows you out a bit,
which is nice.

624
00:30:09,768 --> 00:30:12,145
This is kind of cool-tasting.
Tastes like pennies or something.

625
00:30:12,312 --> 00:30:13,897
- Weird. It has a coppery flavor?
- Yeah.

626
00:30:14,064 --> 00:30:15,315
Bizarre. Maybe it's the vodka?

627
00:30:15,482 --> 00:30:17,400
You know what?
I think they gave you a Crantini.

628
00:30:17,567 --> 00:30:19,819
You ever think maybe they're all
part of the same Tini family?

629
00:30:19,986 --> 00:30:21,071
Martini, Crantini.

630
00:30:21,237 --> 00:30:23,448
- It's just a funny idea, I thought.
- I guess it's funny.

631
00:30:26,159 --> 00:30:28,161
Isaac. You have a bloody nose.

632
00:30:28,328 --> 00:30:30,246
- I what?
- Your nose is bleeding.

633
00:30:30,413 --> 00:30:31,498
My nose is bleeding?

634
00:30:32,540 --> 00:30:34,584
- Do you not feel that?
- Oh, no!

635
00:30:34,751 --> 00:30:36,419
It's fucked. There's a lot of blood.

636
00:30:36,586 --> 00:30:39,130
No, my nose is very tingly right now. And I
actually don't feel much. That's so weird.

637
00:30:39,297 --> 00:30:40,590
Holy fuck!

638
00:30:40,757 --> 00:30:42,175
What?

639
00:30:42,342 --> 00:30:43,593
Did you bleed in my drink?

640
00:30:44,177 --> 00:30:45,553
No.

641
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:47,681
You fucking bled in my drink, Isaac!

642
00:30:47,847 --> 00:30:49,057
I'm gonna come clean.

643
00:30:49,224 --> 00:30:51,476
I'm on a lot of cocaine right now.
I think that's what made my nose bleed.

644
00:30:51,643 --> 00:30:52,769
You're on fucking cocaine?

645
00:30:52,936 --> 00:30:54,479
- Did you drink a lot of it?
- Kind of!

646
00:30:54,646 --> 00:30:56,106
- Is it that gross?
- It's mega-gross.

647
00:30:56,272 --> 00:30:57,357
I didn't do it on purpose.

648
00:30:57,524 --> 00:30:59,943
You're a totally fucking fucked-up person.
You should not be a father. Goodbye!

649
00:31:00,110 --> 00:31:01,319
Fuck you!

650
00:31:01,486 --> 00:31:02,570
Fuck you, Isaac!

651
00:31:02,737 --> 00:31:03,738
I'm sorry. Fuck you!

652
00:31:03,905 --> 00:31:05,198
No, fuck you!

653
00:31:05,365 --> 00:31:08,076
Piss off! People are fucking in here!

654
00:31:10,036 --> 00:31:11,955
Zero, 11!

655
00:31:13,498 --> 00:31:15,125
Now, take a dump.

656
00:31:15,917 --> 00:31:16,918
What?

657
00:31:17,419 --> 00:31:19,921
Hey, guys! Sorry to interrupt.
Hey, Ethan.

658
00:31:20,088 --> 00:31:21,965
We need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm losing my shit right now.

659
00:31:22,132 --> 00:31:23,133
What happened?

660
00:31:23,299 --> 00:31:24,718
Please. I wanna go right now.

661
00:31:24,884 --> 00:31:26,928
- I'm right behind you.
- Thank you.

662
00:31:27,095 --> 00:31:28,388
- Sorry.
- I'm sorry.

663
00:31:28,722 --> 00:31:29,764
Yikes.

664
00:31:31,766 --> 00:31:33,268
I guess that's my cue.

665
00:31:33,435 --> 00:31:35,520
- Tell her I'm sorry.
- You don't have to be sorry.

666
00:31:35,687 --> 00:31:37,188
I guess I'll see you later.

667
00:31:37,355 --> 00:31:39,357
Okay. Hey, hey, hey.

668
00:31:39,524 --> 00:31:40,984
This is....

669
00:31:47,365 --> 00:31:49,659
Come on, man.

670
00:31:59,586 --> 00:32:01,129
- Ethan!
- Have you seen Isaac?

671
00:32:01,296 --> 00:32:04,424
Forget Isaac. I just fame-fucked
that hipster chick in the bathroom.

672
00:32:04,591 --> 00:32:06,343
- So that's her?
- Hell, yeah.

673
00:32:08,261 --> 00:32:09,262
Can we go?

674
00:32:09,429 --> 00:32:10,555
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine! Let's go.

675
00:32:10,722 --> 00:32:11,890
It's after 10. We can call the
party number now.

676
00:32:12,057 --> 00:32:13,558
Let's call! Let's call!

677
00:32:13,725 --> 00:32:15,435
I'll get this address.

678
00:32:15,602 --> 00:32:17,562
This better fucking work.

679
00:32:18,938 --> 00:32:21,066
<i>If you want your Christmas merry...</i>

680
00:32:21,232 --> 00:32:24,277
<i>go to the corner of Grand and Berry.</i>

681
00:32:24,444 --> 00:32:25,445
Okay.

682
00:32:25,612 --> 00:32:27,655
Grand and Berry, please!

683
00:32:28,740 --> 00:32:32,535
Listen, listen. Diana is also going
to the Nutcracker Ball.

684
00:32:33,161 --> 00:32:35,580
How crazy is that, right?

685
00:32:35,747 --> 00:32:36,748
She's cool. I miss her.

686
00:32:36,915 --> 00:32:38,541
Yeah, you shouldn't have let her go, dude.

687
00:32:38,708 --> 00:32:41,252
You should totally get her back, bro.
My mom's named Diana.

688
00:32:41,419 --> 00:32:43,129
Yeah, thanks.
I didn't let her go.

689
00:32:43,296 --> 00:32:45,924
- She left me.
- You didn't wanna meet her parents...

690
00:32:46,091 --> 00:32:49,094
and you never did, and you just kept
making excuses for two years.

691
00:32:49,260 --> 00:32:51,596
She made the whole relationship
about the one thing I didn't wanna do.

692
00:32:51,763 --> 00:32:53,431
Dude, you fucked up.
Isaac, tell him, he fucked up.

693
00:32:53,932 --> 00:32:55,266
- You fucked up, man.
- See?

694
00:32:55,433 --> 00:32:57,519
Hey, Isaac. You okay?

695
00:32:58,269 --> 00:32:59,979
No, I'm not.

696
00:33:00,146 --> 00:33:03,733
I think the cocaine and the mushrooms
are reacting poorly.

697
00:33:03,900 --> 00:33:06,236
And now I think
I just got to balance it out.

698
00:33:06,403 --> 00:33:07,821
I got to make it
that I'm more on mushrooms...

699
00:33:07,987 --> 00:33:09,197
because I was having fun on mushrooms.

700
00:33:09,364 --> 00:33:10,949
- I have a plan.
- Chill out. Have a Red Bull.

701
00:33:11,116 --> 00:33:13,326
You could also just
stop doing drugs right now.

702
00:33:13,493 --> 00:33:15,870
Like, much more mushrooms.

703
00:33:16,037 --> 00:33:18,039
- Are you gonna be cool at this party?
- Cool as fuck, G.

704
00:33:18,206 --> 00:33:19,791
No, you're not cool, G.

705
00:33:19,958 --> 00:33:22,043
You look insane.
Only your right eye is working.

706
00:33:22,210 --> 00:33:24,170
There's gonna be a lot of
famous people at this party...

707
00:33:24,337 --> 00:33:25,672
and I don't want you to fuck it up.

708
00:33:25,839 --> 00:33:27,090
You walk in there
looking like a shit show....

709
00:33:27,257 --> 00:33:28,383
Do I look weird now?

710
00:33:28,550 --> 00:33:30,552
Yes! You look weird!

711
00:33:30,719 --> 00:33:32,429
Still weird.

712
00:33:33,054 --> 00:33:34,055
Weirder!

713
00:33:34,222 --> 00:33:35,765
- He looks fine.
- No, you don't!

714
00:33:35,932 --> 00:33:38,018
You need to fucking check yourself,
before....

715
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:40,186
Before...

716
00:33:40,353 --> 00:33:42,105
I wreck myself?

717
00:33:42,647 --> 00:33:44,315
- Is that what you're saying?
- Yes.

718
00:33:44,482 --> 00:33:46,443
Chickity-check myself,
before I wrickity-wreck myself?

719
00:33:46,609 --> 00:33:48,111
How does that make someone feel?

720
00:33:48,278 --> 00:33:49,988
To be told
that they might wreck themselves.

721
00:33:50,155 --> 00:33:51,156
You're not gonna wreck yourself.

722
00:33:51,322 --> 00:33:54,075
You made him feel bad.
Why don't you just leave him alone?

723
00:33:54,242 --> 00:33:56,244
- Look, he's not right, dude.
- Gonna mellow out.

724
00:33:56,411 --> 00:33:58,163
Why don't you have some weed
and mellow out.

725
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:01,583
- You got the weed?
- No.

726
00:34:02,292 --> 00:34:04,169
- You got the weed, dude?
- No.

727
00:34:04,336 --> 00:34:06,296
She stole my fucking weed.

728
00:34:06,921 --> 00:34:09,591
She was rummaging through my jacket
when I was hitting her from the back.

729
00:34:09,758 --> 00:34:11,259
I knew it! She fucking took my weed!

730
00:34:11,426 --> 00:34:12,719
That serves you right.

731
00:34:12,886 --> 00:34:15,347
Dude, it's not funny!
She stole my fucking weed!

732
00:34:15,513 --> 00:34:18,767
The last place I wanna be is
outside my mom's house right now.

733
00:34:19,476 --> 00:34:22,437
School's far. Your mom lives close.

734
00:34:22,604 --> 00:34:24,314
How long did Mr. Green say
he would be here in?

735
00:34:24,481 --> 00:34:25,690
Half hour.

736
00:34:25,857 --> 00:34:27,609
That's fine. Let's just go inside
and wait. I'm freezing.

737
00:34:27,776 --> 00:34:29,986
No, no, no. We're not going inside.
My mom's probably asleep.

738
00:34:30,153 --> 00:34:32,697
A half hour for Mr. Green could be like
two hours of standing here.

739
00:34:32,864 --> 00:34:35,825
We could be dead by then.
We could literally die by then.

740
00:34:35,992 --> 00:34:39,079
Look, my mom doesn't know I'm here.
So let it go. We're not going upstairs.

741
00:34:39,245 --> 00:34:41,539
- Really? You didn't tell her?
- No.

742
00:34:41,873 --> 00:34:44,292
I told her I was in Philly
and I got a suite down at the Gansevoort.

743
00:34:44,459 --> 00:34:46,711
I just think your mom would be happy
to see you on Christmas.

744
00:34:47,128 --> 00:34:49,631
I'm not saying she wouldn't be happy
to see me, all right?

745
00:34:49,798 --> 00:34:51,883
There's just a lot you don't understand.

746
00:34:52,050 --> 00:34:54,678
All she wants to do is parade me around
and show me off to people.

747
00:34:54,844 --> 00:34:56,721
Last time I was here,
she made me go to church with her...

748
00:34:56,888 --> 00:34:59,099
and sign autographs, kiss babies,
tell people all my stats...

749
00:34:59,265 --> 00:35:01,393
and what I did last Sunday.
It's too much.

750
00:35:01,559 --> 00:35:02,811
- I have a question.
- What?

751
00:35:02,977 --> 00:35:05,105
Does your mother still have a Nintendo 64?

752
00:35:05,814 --> 00:35:07,607
Probably. She never
throws my stuff away. Why?

753
00:35:07,774 --> 00:35:09,984
Right. So that's why
you don't wanna go upstairs...

754
00:35:10,151 --> 00:35:11,945
because you're gonna lose
at "GoldenEye."

755
00:35:12,529 --> 00:35:13,863
- "GoldenEye."
- "GoldenEye."

756
00:35:14,030 --> 00:35:16,491
Okay. Let's do it. One game.

757
00:35:18,076 --> 00:35:19,452
Nobody touch nothing.

758
00:35:19,619 --> 00:35:21,705
But I love touching things.

759
00:35:25,709 --> 00:35:27,168
All right, go, go, go.

760
00:35:33,383 --> 00:35:36,011
- Dude, did you die and not tell us?
- Shut up.

761
00:35:36,177 --> 00:35:37,303
It's amazing.

762
00:35:37,470 --> 00:35:39,472
I was there when you won this.
You must be so proud.

763
00:35:39,639 --> 00:35:41,391
Shut up and go.

764
00:35:41,558 --> 00:35:43,268
Your bedroom.

765
00:35:44,060 --> 00:35:45,186
Dude.

766
00:35:45,353 --> 00:35:46,771
- Ethan.
- What?

767
00:35:46,938 --> 00:35:48,023
I found you.

768
00:35:48,189 --> 00:35:49,899
- You found me?
- Check you out.

769
00:35:50,066 --> 00:35:52,110
Ethan Miller

770
00:35:54,029 --> 00:35:55,447
Look at you, man.

771
00:35:57,907 --> 00:36:01,619
You remember when we all first met at
the party? Whose fucking party was that?

772
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:03,496
- Jocelyn Larue.
- Jocelyn Larue.

773
00:36:03,663 --> 00:36:04,748
Yeah, that's right.

774
00:36:04,914 --> 00:36:07,375
Remember the cops came?
We had to hide in the bathroom.

775
00:36:07,542 --> 00:36:09,127
For three hours.

776
00:36:09,294 --> 00:36:11,755
I was afraid we were gonna get caught,
because you were so fucking loud.

777
00:36:11,921 --> 00:36:14,215
I remember you wore that
Bob Marley tie-dye T-shirt...

778
00:36:14,382 --> 00:36:15,592
and I asked you if you smoked weed?

779
00:36:15,759 --> 00:36:18,094
I didn't even smoke weed.
I just liked Bob Marley and tie-dye.

780
00:36:18,261 --> 00:36:20,096
I didn't get that was the vibe
I was putting out there.

781
00:36:20,263 --> 00:36:22,640
You could have showed up
with purple hair and a cloak.

782
00:36:22,807 --> 00:36:24,267
That was my warlock phase.

783
00:36:24,434 --> 00:36:26,227
- That was a dope phase.
- Hell, yeah.

784
00:36:26,394 --> 00:36:30,023
I'm surprised you even talked to us, Chris.
When I look back, I remember thinking:

785
00:36:30,190 --> 00:36:32,275
"This guy's a jock.

786
00:36:32,442 --> 00:36:35,695
And he's talking to a warlock
and a pretend pot-head."

787
00:36:35,862 --> 00:36:36,946
True.

788
00:36:37,113 --> 00:36:40,325
If it wasn't for y'all, I would have
never made it through that school.

789
00:36:40,492 --> 00:36:41,868
- Shit. Wait, pause it.
- No, no pause.

790
00:36:42,035 --> 00:36:44,079
The phone's buzzing.
You have to pause it.

791
00:36:44,245 --> 00:36:45,663
- I'm buying you weed!
- Just keep it down!

792
00:36:45,830 --> 00:36:48,208
Pause the fucking game.
If you shoot me right now, you forfeit.

793
00:36:48,375 --> 00:36:49,959
Oh, my God, if my mom wakes up.

794
00:36:50,418 --> 00:36:51,753
Yeah, it's him. Mr. Green's here.

795
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:53,880
I'm never getting in that dude's car again.
He freaked me out.

796
00:36:55,715 --> 00:36:57,175
I'll go.

797
00:36:57,342 --> 00:36:58,718
Can you even walk?

798
00:37:00,345 --> 00:37:01,971
I can fly.

799
00:37:07,977 --> 00:37:09,979
Five-oh, bro. You're busted.

800
00:37:10,146 --> 00:37:12,065
- Are you fucking kidding me right now?
- Yeah, I'm just kidding.

801
00:37:12,232 --> 00:37:13,858
Holy shit, dude.

802
00:37:14,025 --> 00:37:15,485
Don't do that.

803
00:37:15,652 --> 00:37:18,988
Oh, man. Hey, good seeing you, dude.
Long time.

804
00:37:19,155 --> 00:37:20,573
It has been a long time.

805
00:37:20,740 --> 00:37:23,076
- Been a long time, yeah.
- I remember you.

806
00:37:23,660 --> 00:37:26,746
And you know I'm proud
of what you've become.

807
00:37:27,122 --> 00:37:28,331
Husband, lawyer...

808
00:37:28,498 --> 00:37:31,543
soon-to-be father.
That's really impressive.

809
00:37:31,710 --> 00:37:33,795
Me, I don't have time for kids.

810
00:37:34,462 --> 00:37:36,214
You're all my children.

811
00:37:37,382 --> 00:37:39,718
You ever think of me as a father figure?

812
00:37:40,093 --> 00:37:41,845
No.

813
00:37:42,012 --> 00:37:44,723
Put your tiny hand in mine.

814
00:37:46,683 --> 00:37:47,684
Yeah.

815
00:37:47,851 --> 00:37:49,060
Rough night?

816
00:37:49,227 --> 00:37:52,105
Little bit. Could you tell?
Am I wearing it on my sleeve?

817
00:37:52,272 --> 00:37:53,440
I did a lot of drugs.

818
00:37:53,606 --> 00:37:56,735
Mushrooms. Caps, too many caps.
Ate a lot of the caps.

819
00:37:56,901 --> 00:37:59,863
And I just think it kind of
made me freak out a little bit.

820
00:38:00,030 --> 00:38:04,034
And basically, I'm kind of just having
a hard time finding my place in all this.

821
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,369
Relax.

822
00:38:07,620 --> 00:38:09,205
What's happening right now?

823
00:38:09,831 --> 00:38:12,042
Just looking into your soul, man.

824
00:38:13,877 --> 00:38:15,045
What are you seeing?

825
00:38:18,506 --> 00:38:20,216
You need a nice mellow indica.

826
00:38:20,383 --> 00:38:22,427
I got a great north Cali bud...

827
00:38:22,594 --> 00:38:25,096
with a soothing body high...

828
00:38:25,263 --> 00:38:28,350
and surprisingly accurate
visions of the future.

829
00:38:29,476 --> 00:38:31,728
Yeah, sure. Whatever you got, bro.

830
00:38:32,103 --> 00:38:35,440
Yeah. It's definitely a good time.

831
00:38:35,857 --> 00:38:37,275
Unless...

832
00:38:37,692 --> 00:38:41,237
you're dealing with some shit
you can't come to terms with.

833
00:38:42,614 --> 00:38:45,241
No! That's not me!
That's a different guy.

834
00:38:45,408 --> 00:38:49,829
I think all my issues are drug-related,
and my emotional state is completely...

835
00:38:49,996 --> 00:38:52,415
cool, bro.

836
00:38:53,792 --> 00:38:56,795
Just a little shot of this.
See if you like it.

837
00:39:01,132 --> 00:39:02,175
Come on.

838
00:39:02,342 --> 00:39:07,430
I'm good. I think I'll just ride the wave,
my main man.

839
00:39:08,264 --> 00:39:10,266
I put my hands on you.

840
00:39:10,433 --> 00:39:12,268
Take it.

841
00:39:13,186 --> 00:39:14,521
Just not too hard.

842
00:39:17,023 --> 00:39:18,733
Not too hard.

843
00:39:21,653 --> 00:39:23,279
Where are we?

844
00:39:23,905 --> 00:39:25,657
A strip club.

845
00:39:25,990 --> 00:39:27,909
Eighteen years in the future.

846
00:39:28,076 --> 00:39:30,328
- Is that my wife?
- Yeah.

847
00:39:30,495 --> 00:39:32,539
You should probably talk to her.

848
00:39:32,706 --> 00:39:35,583
I'm gonna get a beer, maybe a dance.

849
00:39:35,750 --> 00:39:37,544
Cool.

850
00:39:37,711 --> 00:39:38,795
Hi.

851
00:39:38,962 --> 00:39:40,755
Sit down. The show's about to start.

852
00:39:40,922 --> 00:39:41,923
Okay.

853
00:39:42,090 --> 00:39:44,968
Okay, fellas, let's hear it for Sierra!

854
00:39:46,553 --> 00:39:47,887
Isn't she amazing?

855
00:39:48,054 --> 00:39:49,097
Who is that?

856
00:39:49,264 --> 00:39:51,141
It's our beautiful baby girl.

857
00:39:51,307 --> 00:39:53,935
What the fuck?

858
00:39:54,769 --> 00:39:56,479
Pop it, girl! Pop that P!

859
00:39:56,646 --> 00:39:58,273
Pop it! Pop it!

860
00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:00,650
You hear me, young lady?
Pop your pussy!

861
00:40:00,817 --> 00:40:02,944
It's okay, sweetie!
You don't have to pop your pussy!

862
00:40:03,111 --> 00:40:06,406
You read all those books
and you didn't learn shit!

863
00:40:06,573 --> 00:40:08,825
You really shit the bed as a dad!

864
00:40:10,285 --> 00:40:13,121
Here you go. Drip, drop. Drip, drop.

865
00:40:14,998 --> 00:40:15,999
I know.

866
00:40:16,166 --> 00:40:17,792
Look at my finger. Look at my finger.

867
00:40:17,959 --> 00:40:20,587
You need to give me a hundred bucks
and get the fuck out of my car right now.

868
00:40:20,754 --> 00:40:22,672
Okay! Here!

869
00:40:23,048 --> 00:40:24,215
Get out.

870
00:40:54,454 --> 00:40:55,455
What are you doing?

871
00:40:55,622 --> 00:40:57,791
I don't know what's happening.
Let's go. Let's just bail.

872
00:40:57,957 --> 00:40:59,250
Turn your phone off.
You're gonna wake her up.

873
00:40:59,417 --> 00:41:00,794
I don't know what's happening.
I don't know this song.

874
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:02,754
- Turn it off.
- Hello?

875
00:41:02,921 --> 00:41:04,339
Hello?

876
00:41:05,048 --> 00:41:07,717
Hey, Ma. It's Chrissy-poo!

877
00:41:07,884 --> 00:41:10,387
Oh, my God! Chris!

878
00:41:10,553 --> 00:41:11,596
Hey!

879
00:41:11,763 --> 00:41:14,224
Oh, my God! Ethan!

880
00:41:16,101 --> 00:41:17,686
What are you guys doing?

881
00:41:17,852 --> 00:41:19,938
- Merry Christmas!
- Surprise!

882
00:41:20,105 --> 00:41:21,606
This is....

883
00:41:22,190 --> 00:41:24,234
Are you hungry?
I can heat up some food.

884
00:41:24,401 --> 00:41:26,403
- Yeah!
- No, no, no.

885
00:41:26,569 --> 00:41:28,655
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

886
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:30,281
Sweetheart.

887
00:41:30,448 --> 00:41:33,243
- Oh, you smell like weed.
- No.

888
00:41:34,327 --> 00:41:36,162
More meatloaf, Isaac?

889
00:41:36,913 --> 00:41:38,498
No, I'm okay.

890
00:41:38,665 --> 00:41:41,167
Could I perhaps
have some more chardonnay...

891
00:41:41,334 --> 00:41:43,420
to wash down my medication, please?

892
00:41:43,878 --> 00:41:45,797
Of course.

893
00:41:51,845 --> 00:41:52,846
Thank you.

894
00:41:54,472 --> 00:41:56,057
So, Ethan, what's going on with you?

895
00:41:57,475 --> 00:42:00,061
Not a lot. Just feeling good.

896
00:42:00,228 --> 00:42:01,896
You got somebody special in your life?

897
00:42:02,063 --> 00:42:03,231
No.

898
00:42:03,398 --> 00:42:06,443
There was a young lady that he
used to date that he ran into today...

899
00:42:06,818 --> 00:42:09,237
that I thought was pretty damn awesome.

900
00:42:09,404 --> 00:42:11,614
- Yeah? What happened?
- It's a long story.

901
00:42:11,781 --> 00:42:14,367
Not that long. She wanted to get serious,
but he wouldn't meet her parents.

902
00:42:15,035 --> 00:42:16,286
She wanted to move in...

903
00:42:16,453 --> 00:42:19,122
and you said you weren't
in the right head place for her to move in.

904
00:42:19,289 --> 00:42:20,582
That's some straight-up bullshit.

905
00:42:20,749 --> 00:42:21,958
Give me some, Ma.

906
00:42:22,125 --> 00:42:23,501
Okay, okay, okay.

907
00:42:23,668 --> 00:42:25,420
What, are you guys ganging up on me now?

908
00:42:25,587 --> 00:42:26,671
You like this woman?

909
00:42:26,838 --> 00:42:28,089
Yeah, she's awesome...

910
00:42:28,256 --> 00:42:31,134
but there's a whole history here
that he's brushing over.

911
00:42:31,301 --> 00:42:32,635
You want her back?

912
00:42:33,219 --> 00:42:35,013
Yeah. I do.

913
00:42:35,180 --> 00:42:37,599
If you want this woman,
you're gonna have to work for her.

914
00:42:37,766 --> 00:42:41,603
But you happen to be very lucky,
because it's Christmas.

915
00:42:41,770 --> 00:42:44,189
And there's magic in the air at Christmas.

916
00:42:44,356 --> 00:42:47,025
People's hearts are open.
People want to forgive.

917
00:42:47,442 --> 00:42:49,486
People want love.

918
00:42:49,652 --> 00:42:51,488
I'd take advantage of that shit.

919
00:42:51,654 --> 00:42:55,158
I'd find the opportunity,
and I would seize it.

920
00:42:55,575 --> 00:42:57,285
Thank you, Mrs. Roberts.

921
00:42:57,452 --> 00:42:59,037
I almost forgot, I'm gonna
need some more headshots.

922
00:42:59,204 --> 00:43:01,998
James slide to reply

923
00:43:02,165 --> 00:43:04,793
<i>Huh.
A dick from someone named James?</i>

924
00:43:04,959 --> 00:43:07,087
<i>His name is on my phone,
I must know him. Who is he?</i>

925
00:43:07,253 --> 00:43:08,463
James You like it?

926
00:43:08,630 --> 00:43:10,548
<i>Do I like it? What does that mean?</i>

927
00:43:10,715 --> 00:43:14,511
<i>Oh, man. Maybe it's
James McFoley from work.</i>

928
00:43:16,388 --> 00:43:17,389
<i>Holy shit.</i>

929
00:43:19,474 --> 00:43:21,142
<i>This guy's a grower and a shower.</i>

930
00:43:21,309 --> 00:43:22,811
James Do you like it more now?

931
00:43:22,977 --> 00:43:25,188
<i>Do I like it more now? Jesus.
I mean, it's a dope dick.</i>

932
00:43:25,355 --> 00:43:26,564
Dope dick homey.

933
00:43:27,774 --> 00:43:28,775
Tx. Do you want it?

934
00:43:28,942 --> 00:43:30,235
<i>Do I want it?</i>

935
00:43:30,402 --> 00:43:31,653
Of course I want a dick like that.

936
00:43:31,820 --> 00:43:33,488
<i>Who wouldn't want a dick
that looks like that?</i>

937
00:43:34,447 --> 00:43:35,865
Do you want to suck it?

938
00:43:36,032 --> 00:43:37,867
<i>Do I wanna suck it? Oh, man.</i>

939
00:43:39,369 --> 00:43:40,954
<i>I'm gonna start putting people's
last names on my contacts.</i>

940
00:43:41,121 --> 00:43:42,747
No I don't.
I've never sucked a dick before.

941
00:43:45,291 --> 00:43:46,292
You've never sucked a dick?

942
00:43:46,459 --> 00:43:50,380
<i>No, I've never sucked a dick but, well,
if I'm being totally honest with myself....</i>

943
00:43:50,547 --> 00:43:54,300
I once touched a guy's dick
at summer camp but that's it.

944
00:43:54,467 --> 00:43:55,844
<i>Damn it, why'd I tell him that?</i>

945
00:43:56,011 --> 00:43:58,972
<i>This James guy is just
so easy to talk to. I told him too much.</i>

946
00:43:59,347 --> 00:44:02,100
You said you never sucked a dick before.
But tonight you're gonna.

947
00:44:02,267 --> 00:44:04,269
<i>Man, I guess that settles it.</i>

948
00:44:04,436 --> 00:44:07,272
<i>Isaac Greenberg
is sucking his first dick tonight.</i>

949
00:44:07,856 --> 00:44:09,941
Did he tell you that they've
named a park after him?

950
00:44:10,108 --> 00:44:11,276
You're gonna have a park named after you?

951
00:44:11,443 --> 00:44:13,737
I petitioned the city,
I got the signatures...

952
00:44:13,903 --> 00:44:16,573
and now there's gonna be the sweetest
little playground in Brooklyn...

953
00:44:16,740 --> 00:44:17,907
that's named after him.

954
00:44:18,074 --> 00:44:20,827
The park is not that nice!
There are crackheads, and...

955
00:44:20,994 --> 00:44:22,662
Sweetheart, they're gonna clean that up.

956
00:44:22,829 --> 00:44:25,123
We should get ready to go, guys. We have
to move. We're gonna miss the party.

957
00:44:25,290 --> 00:44:28,251
- That's true.
- Why don't I just wrap all of this up?

958
00:44:28,418 --> 00:44:30,754
You guys can take it down
to the homeless shelter.

959
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:33,882
It's only a few blocks away.
I'm sure they'd appreciate it.

960
00:44:34,632 --> 00:44:35,675
You're right, Mom.

961
00:44:35,842 --> 00:44:38,219
You boys are so sweet.
Thank you for coming.

962
00:44:39,596 --> 00:44:41,556
- Wanna help me in the kitchen?
- Okay.

963
00:44:41,723 --> 00:44:43,183
Thanks so much for dinner, Mrs. Roberts.

964
00:44:43,350 --> 00:44:44,976
You're welcome, sweetheart!

965
00:44:45,769 --> 00:44:47,896
Dude, what the fuck is going on with you?

966
00:44:48,646 --> 00:44:50,190
- Are you gay?
- No!

967
00:44:50,357 --> 00:44:51,524
Are you curious?

968
00:44:51,691 --> 00:44:54,402
Everyone is! What does that
have to do with this?

969
00:44:54,569 --> 00:44:56,279
I don't know.
Why are you looking up dicks?

970
00:44:56,446 --> 00:44:58,907
- Someone's sending me dicks.
- Someone's sending you that?

971
00:44:59,074 --> 00:45:02,243
Look, I'll show you. It's a fucking
conversation. It's some guy named James.

972
00:45:02,410 --> 00:45:04,579
A very nice, eloquent man named James
is sending me his penis.

973
00:45:04,746 --> 00:45:05,955
And he wants me to suck on it.

974
00:45:06,122 --> 00:45:08,833
I don't know what to do. I'm fucking
freaking out. Do I do it? Should I do it?

975
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:10,251
This isn't your phone, man.

976
00:45:10,418 --> 00:45:11,795
Dude, this isn't your phone!

977
00:45:11,961 --> 00:45:13,505
Oh, shit. Is this Sarah's phone?

978
00:45:14,381 --> 00:45:16,091
- Oh, no.
- What?

979
00:45:16,257 --> 00:45:17,676
She has my phone.

980
00:45:17,842 --> 00:45:20,261
It's okay, man. We know her.
We can get your phone back.

981
00:45:20,595 --> 00:45:22,305
There's something bad on my phone.

982
00:45:22,472 --> 00:45:24,099
You gonna be around tomorrow?

983
00:45:24,265 --> 00:45:26,976
Folks out at the church would love to
see you. Aunt would too.

984
00:45:27,143 --> 00:45:29,270
You know I'm busy, so....

985
00:45:29,437 --> 00:45:31,106
I don't really like to do that stuff, Ma.

986
00:45:31,272 --> 00:45:32,607
Won't take much time, Boo.

987
00:45:32,774 --> 00:45:35,193
I know. It's just I have
an early flight...

988
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:37,612
and I really feel bad
that I have to run back to work so fast.

989
00:45:37,779 --> 00:45:39,781
I just got so much stuff going on.

990
00:45:39,948 --> 00:45:41,324
I'm a celebrity now.

991
00:45:41,491 --> 00:45:43,576
I got appearances.
I got all kinds of stuff I have to do, Ma.

992
00:45:43,743 --> 00:45:46,413
I can't just be lollygagging around...

993
00:45:46,579 --> 00:45:48,331
and meeting old people.

994
00:45:49,541 --> 00:45:50,750
I love you.

995
00:45:50,917 --> 00:45:53,086
Betsy is gonna get that tape from Sarah...

996
00:45:53,253 --> 00:45:54,921
and she's gonna freak the fuck out.

997
00:45:55,088 --> 00:45:57,090
Why? Why would Betsy get the tape?

998
00:45:57,257 --> 00:46:00,427
Because I put cocaine blood
into her fucking drink.

999
00:46:00,593 --> 00:46:02,429
And no one wants to drink cocaine blood.

1000
00:46:02,595 --> 00:46:04,222
Yeah. I'm gonna call her.

1001
00:46:04,389 --> 00:46:06,433
- How do you know her number?
- It's your number.

1002
00:46:06,599 --> 00:46:07,767
I'm trusting you on this.

1003
00:46:07,934 --> 00:46:10,145
I don't understand what's happening.
Where are we?

1004
00:46:10,311 --> 00:46:12,188
Sarah has your phone.
So I'm calling it.

1005
00:46:12,355 --> 00:46:13,648
Where are we right now?

1006
00:46:13,815 --> 00:46:15,775
- We're at Chris' house.
- What the fuck?

1007
00:46:15,942 --> 00:46:18,570
You just stay calm, all right?

1008
00:46:18,737 --> 00:46:20,572
- It'll be okay.
- Oh, yeah.

1009
00:46:20,989 --> 00:46:21,990
Oh, yeah.

1010
00:46:22,157 --> 00:46:23,408
You like that?

1011
00:46:24,743 --> 00:46:26,077
Here's the bad news.

1012
00:46:26,244 --> 00:46:27,704
- She didn't pick up.
- What?

1013
00:46:27,871 --> 00:46:29,748
- Everything's fine!
- I bit my tongue!

1014
00:46:29,914 --> 00:46:31,291
That boy need Jesus.

1015
00:46:31,458 --> 00:46:32,625
He needs something.

1016
00:46:32,792 --> 00:46:33,918
It's gonna be okay, though.

1017
00:46:34,085 --> 00:46:36,379
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna
use Find My iPhone and find the phone.

1018
00:46:36,546 --> 00:46:39,424
It's loading. There it is!
It's in midtown.

1019
00:46:39,591 --> 00:46:42,093
Your phone's in midtown. It's all good.

1020
00:46:42,260 --> 00:46:44,971
Okay. All right. So here's the thing.

1021
00:46:45,138 --> 00:46:47,557
We're gonna go to the party,
because Sarah's gonna go to the party.

1022
00:46:47,724 --> 00:46:48,767
Guys, let's go.

1023
00:46:48,933 --> 00:46:50,769
- You be safe.
- Guys, be careful.

1024
00:46:50,935 --> 00:46:51,936
Let's go, guys!

1025
00:46:52,103 --> 00:46:55,273
Baby, hold on. Let me get you a bag.
You're gonna need a bag. Wait up!

1026
00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:57,692
This guy's dick is off the charts.

1027
00:46:57,859 --> 00:47:00,779
Yo, it's your man C-Rob coming at you
live from outside the homeless shelter.

1028
00:47:00,945 --> 00:47:02,822
We delivering turkeys
to homeless people...

1029
00:47:02,989 --> 00:47:05,867
because it's the giving season and they
do be gobbling, you know what I mean?

1030
00:47:06,034 --> 00:47:09,662
So if you're in the season of giving, hit me
up @Chrisrob11, hashtag "selfless giving."

1031
00:47:09,829 --> 00:47:12,290
And remember, it's not a good deed
if no one knows about it.

1032
00:47:12,457 --> 00:47:13,917
I got another dick, dude!

1033
00:47:14,084 --> 00:47:15,085
Drink Red Bull.

1034
00:47:16,127 --> 00:47:18,046
Oh, shit. Look, man, it's her!

1035
00:47:18,213 --> 00:47:21,466
It's the super fan,
sex maniac that stole my weed.

1036
00:47:21,633 --> 00:47:22,634
Come on, let's follow her.

1037
00:47:22,801 --> 00:47:25,387
No, we're not gonna follow her. Let's just
drop off the food and go to the party!

1038
00:47:25,553 --> 00:47:28,932
Shit! Look! Now she's stealing
from homeless people!

1039
00:47:29,099 --> 00:47:30,475
That's not right!

1040
00:47:30,642 --> 00:47:32,686
- Now, I'm going to teach her a lesson.
- Okay.

1041
00:47:32,852 --> 00:47:35,563
Hey! Did you steal my weed?

1042
00:47:37,023 --> 00:47:38,525
- No.
- We just saw you...

1043
00:47:38,692 --> 00:47:40,860
rob some homeless people
and I'm missing my weed, so....

1044
00:47:41,528 --> 00:47:43,780
You got me, I stole your weed.

1045
00:47:43,947 --> 00:47:47,909
But I told you right away
that I'm kind of a Grinch. Okay?

1046
00:47:49,744 --> 00:47:50,870
Eat me, sheep.

1047
00:47:51,037 --> 00:47:53,248
You're an actual Grinch.
You're like the mayor of Whoville.

1048
00:47:53,415 --> 00:47:54,916
I'm building a body of work.

1049
00:47:55,083 --> 00:47:57,252
I'm following in the path
of my Christmas heroes:

1050
00:47:57,419 --> 00:48:01,256
The Grinch, the Sticky Bandits,
Hans Gruber from <i>Die Hard.</i>

1051
00:48:01,423 --> 00:48:05,260
I walked by you and I heard you
going on about your Christmas plans...

1052
00:48:05,427 --> 00:48:09,139
and you're this football douche
and I Google you....

1053
00:48:09,472 --> 00:48:11,808
Jackpot! I pretend to be a fan...

1054
00:48:11,975 --> 00:48:13,268
we have sex, yaas.

1055
00:48:13,435 --> 00:48:14,602
And then I stole your weed.

1056
00:48:14,769 --> 00:48:16,938
It's Christmas! You don't steal
from people on Christmas.

1057
00:48:17,105 --> 00:48:18,398
I just want my weed back.

1058
00:48:18,565 --> 00:48:20,233
You're really cute when you get mad.

1059
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:21,901
That's cute.

1060
00:48:22,068 --> 00:48:25,321
This is the thing I didn't expect.
To fucking like you, dude.

1061
00:48:25,488 --> 00:48:27,323
You are so funny...

1062
00:48:27,490 --> 00:48:29,617
and talented, and handsome.

1063
00:48:30,201 --> 00:48:32,245
And easy. My God, dude!

1064
00:48:32,996 --> 00:48:34,205
Hey!

1065
00:48:35,457 --> 00:48:37,959
I'm gonna fucking catch you!

1066
00:48:39,002 --> 00:48:40,295
Later, suckas!

1067
00:48:40,462 --> 00:48:41,713
She <i>Home Alone</i>'d me!

1068
00:48:41,880 --> 00:48:42,964
Are these Micro Machines?

1069
00:48:43,131 --> 00:48:44,591
- Wow!
- Let's go.

1070
00:48:44,758 --> 00:48:45,800
Girl's a genius.

1071
00:48:45,967 --> 00:48:48,845
Josh, hit the gas! Go!
We got to catch that girl!

1072
00:48:49,012 --> 00:48:51,514
Go down to the corner and make a right!
Hurry up, man! Chase her!

1073
00:48:51,681 --> 00:48:53,850
- Who?
- The girl who stole my weed! Hurry up!

1074
00:48:54,017 --> 00:48:55,352
- She stole your weed?
- Yeah.

1075
00:48:55,518 --> 00:48:57,103
That fucking bitch. I'm gonna kill her.

1076
00:48:57,270 --> 00:48:58,271
Go get her, baby!

1077
00:49:00,648 --> 00:49:01,816
Not so fast!

1078
00:49:07,447 --> 00:49:08,782
Guys, my iPhone's that way!

1079
00:49:08,948 --> 00:49:10,742
We got to find my iPhone!
It's the other direction! Please!

1080
00:49:12,660 --> 00:49:13,703
Slow down!

1081
00:49:13,870 --> 00:49:16,790
Speed up! Don't slow down!
If you're my guy, you won't slow down!

1082
00:49:16,956 --> 00:49:18,083
Hit the gas! Let's go!

1083
00:49:18,249 --> 00:49:19,250
Let's go.

1084
00:49:24,255 --> 00:49:25,799
There she is! There she is!

1085
00:49:25,965 --> 00:49:27,759
We got her! We got her!

1086
00:49:28,718 --> 00:49:30,303
Red light, red light!

1087
00:49:30,470 --> 00:49:32,555
No! You run that light! Are you my guy?

1088
00:49:33,014 --> 00:49:34,015
I'm your guy.

1089
00:49:34,182 --> 00:49:36,393
Give me your hand!
Run through that light, baby!

1090
00:49:44,943 --> 00:49:49,072
I fucked up. I fucked up.

1091
00:49:49,698 --> 00:49:51,449
I'm sorry.

1092
00:49:53,576 --> 00:49:55,662
- Are we alive?
- Yeah.

1093
00:49:55,829 --> 00:49:58,373
Look. Look, it's a sleigh.
We can still get her.

1094
00:49:58,540 --> 00:50:00,375
No. Let's just go to the party, okay?

1095
00:50:00,542 --> 00:50:01,835
We're going on a sleigh ride!

1096
00:50:02,002 --> 00:50:03,294
No! We're not going on a sleigh ride.

1097
00:50:03,461 --> 00:50:04,462
Come on, Joshua!

1098
00:50:07,465 --> 00:50:08,633
Shotgun!

1099
00:50:09,009 --> 00:50:10,635
Shotgun!

1100
00:50:10,802 --> 00:50:13,054
- Hurry up.
- You guys know this can't possibly work.

1101
00:50:13,221 --> 00:50:14,305
Of course it'll work!

1102
00:50:14,472 --> 00:50:16,057
- Let's get that Grinch!
- Let's find my phone!

1103
00:50:16,224 --> 00:50:18,143
Mush, motherfucker!

1104
00:50:25,942 --> 00:50:27,152
I'm stuck!

1105
00:50:27,318 --> 00:50:28,695
My hands are stuck!

1106
00:50:29,612 --> 00:50:31,614
No, no, no!

1107
00:50:31,781 --> 00:50:32,824
Fuck!

1108
00:50:34,325 --> 00:50:35,326
Shit, shit, shit!

1109
00:50:37,787 --> 00:50:39,164
Dude!

1110
00:50:39,706 --> 00:50:41,499
What happened just now?

1111
00:50:41,666 --> 00:50:43,209
He's okay. He looks okay.

1112
00:50:43,376 --> 00:50:45,920
We have to go! She went this way!
Let's go get this weed!

1113
00:50:46,087 --> 00:50:47,380
No. Forget about the weed, man!

1114
00:50:47,547 --> 00:50:49,341
We're not gonna split up now.
Let's go to the party.

1115
00:50:49,507 --> 00:50:52,135
No. You don't understand, man!
It's really important! It's for Tommy.

1116
00:50:52,302 --> 00:50:53,428
It's not important!

1117
00:50:53,595 --> 00:50:54,888
I'll meet you at the F Train!

1118
00:50:55,055 --> 00:50:56,931
You fucking believe this guy?

1119
00:50:57,098 --> 00:50:59,017
My phone! It's close! I got to go!

1120
00:50:59,184 --> 00:51:01,519
- No. Listen to me.
- No. You listen to me.

1121
00:51:01,686 --> 00:51:04,314
If I die, they will
play this video at my funeral!

1122
00:51:04,481 --> 00:51:06,358
- Okay! You're on drugs!
- Yes!

1123
00:51:06,524 --> 00:51:07,859
- You're not making sense!
- No!

1124
00:51:08,026 --> 00:51:09,486
- Trust me.
- Okay.

1125
00:51:09,652 --> 00:51:12,072
We're gonna stick together.
And go to the party.

1126
00:51:12,489 --> 00:51:13,615
I'll meet you at the F Train!

1127
00:51:13,782 --> 00:51:16,284
No! Dude! What the fuck!

1128
00:51:17,660 --> 00:51:18,953
This is crazy.

1129
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:22,457
Oh, come on.
How does this fucking work?

1130
00:51:22,624 --> 00:51:24,417
This is so confusing.

1131
00:51:24,584 --> 00:51:26,169
Fuck!

1132
00:51:26,336 --> 00:51:27,671
My eyes aren't working.

1133
00:51:27,837 --> 00:51:29,839
What asshole invented this stupid thing?

1134
00:51:34,260 --> 00:51:37,472
- Hey, man. Excuse me.
<i>- Hey, dude. How's it going?</i>

1135
00:51:37,639 --> 00:51:39,391
- I'm Isaac.
<i>- Hi, Isaac.</i>

1136
00:51:39,557 --> 00:51:40,850
I hate to bug you.

1137
00:51:41,017 --> 00:51:44,270
I lost my phone, and I'm using this app
to try to find it.

1138
00:51:44,437 --> 00:51:46,856
I'm kind of having a hard time.
It's confusing me a little bit.

1139
00:51:47,023 --> 00:51:48,233
You think you can maybe help me out?

1140
00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:49,734
<i>Sure, hold my cane for a second.</i>

1141
00:51:49,901 --> 00:51:52,654
Awesome. Sure, I'll hold your cane.

1142
00:51:53,196 --> 00:51:54,656
<i>Hey, Merry Christmas, Isaac.</i>

1143
00:51:54,823 --> 00:51:56,533
Merry Christmas to you too, man.

1144
00:51:56,700 --> 00:51:57,826
<i>Thanks.</i>

1145
00:51:57,992 --> 00:51:59,994
I've been having a pretty crazy night.

1146
00:52:00,161 --> 00:52:03,206
I'm gonna level with you,
I'm a little fucked up right now.

1147
00:52:03,373 --> 00:52:04,541
<i>No way. You don't say?</i>

1148
00:52:04,708 --> 00:52:05,875
Yeah.

1149
00:52:06,042 --> 00:52:08,003
- What's your name?
<i>- Spencer.</i>

1150
00:52:08,169 --> 00:52:09,671
<i>That's my family over there.</i>

1151
00:52:09,838 --> 00:52:11,798
Hi! I'm Isaac, nice to meet you.

1152
00:52:11,965 --> 00:52:13,800
<i>- What's up, man?
- Hey.</i>

1153
00:52:14,134 --> 00:52:15,969
You have dogs.

1154
00:52:16,136 --> 00:52:18,304
- Can I pet them?
<i>- Go ahead. They're fine.</i>

1155
00:52:18,471 --> 00:52:20,306
- Thank you.
<i>- You're very welcome.</i>

1156
00:52:20,473 --> 00:52:22,642
- Hi, guys.
<i>- What's up, Isaac?</i>

1157
00:52:22,809 --> 00:52:24,602
<i>Come on and give us a pat.</i>

1158
00:52:24,769 --> 00:52:26,521
Oh my God, they talk!

1159
00:52:26,688 --> 00:52:28,189
<i>Of course. All dogs can talk.</i>

1160
00:52:28,356 --> 00:52:30,400
- There's another one.
<i>- That tickles.</i>

1161
00:52:30,567 --> 00:52:31,609
Oh, hi. I love you.

1162
00:52:31,776 --> 00:52:32,944
Isaac?

1163
00:52:34,904 --> 00:52:35,989
Betsy!

1164
00:52:36,156 --> 00:52:37,323
Oh, shit.

1165
00:52:39,826 --> 00:52:41,369
Hi.

1166
00:52:41,578 --> 00:52:42,787
Wow.

1167
00:52:43,538 --> 00:52:45,248
Hi.

1168
00:52:45,415 --> 00:52:46,541
Okay.

1169
00:52:46,958 --> 00:52:49,252
I never wanna let go.

1170
00:52:49,419 --> 00:52:50,879
What's happening?

1171
00:52:51,046 --> 00:52:52,756
What are you doing here right now?

1172
00:52:52,922 --> 00:52:55,133
What were you doing in the nativity scene?

1173
00:52:55,300 --> 00:52:56,885
I was hanging out
with Spencer and his family.

1174
00:52:57,052 --> 00:52:58,511
- They're really beautiful people.
- Spencer?

1175
00:52:58,678 --> 00:53:00,722
They're great people. They're interracial.

1176
00:53:00,889 --> 00:53:02,974
Why do you have a staff, honey?

1177
00:53:03,350 --> 00:53:05,268
What's happening right now?
Where are we now?

1178
00:53:05,435 --> 00:53:06,978
This is the church. Do you remember?

1179
00:53:07,145 --> 00:53:08,813
- You're here for that?
- Yes.

1180
00:53:08,980 --> 00:53:11,232
And I'm just telling you right now
that you need to go...

1181
00:53:11,399 --> 00:53:14,152
because my family
is paying for the cab right now.

1182
00:53:14,319 --> 00:53:16,446
So you need to get out of here
before they show up.

1183
00:53:16,613 --> 00:53:17,614
- Your family is coming?
- Yeah.

1184
00:53:17,781 --> 00:53:19,866
- So maybe go and run the other way.
- Where should I go?

1185
00:53:20,033 --> 00:53:21,993
Just fucking go before they get here. Go.

1186
00:53:22,160 --> 00:53:24,412
I love you. Okay? I love you.

1187
00:53:24,579 --> 00:53:26,790
Okay. I love you. Bye.

1188
00:53:26,956 --> 00:53:28,750
That's very sweet. Bye.

1189
00:53:28,917 --> 00:53:30,794
What are you coming back for?
Just go that way!

1190
00:53:30,960 --> 00:53:32,212
I don't know where to go.

1191
00:53:32,379 --> 00:53:34,172
No, no, no! Not inside the church.

1192
00:53:34,339 --> 00:53:35,507
Go, go, go.

1193
00:53:35,674 --> 00:53:36,841
Get the fuck out of here.

1194
00:53:37,008 --> 00:53:38,426
Wait. I know them. Hi!

1195
00:53:39,344 --> 00:53:40,679
Hi!

1196
00:53:40,845 --> 00:53:43,264
- Oh, my God! Look at you guys.
- It's so good to see you!

1197
00:53:43,431 --> 00:53:44,683
What a hat.

1198
00:53:44,849 --> 00:53:47,268
Why don't you come join us?
Come on in for midnight mass.

1199
00:53:47,435 --> 00:53:49,688
Oh, no. I don't think that's a good idea.

1200
00:53:49,854 --> 00:53:50,855
Why not?

1201
00:53:51,022 --> 00:53:53,274
Because he's hanging out
with his friends tonight. Right, Isaac?

1202
00:53:53,441 --> 00:53:56,069
- I don't see anybody.
- I don't know where they are right now.

1203
00:53:56,236 --> 00:53:58,154
- Come sit with us.
- I've never been in a church.

1204
00:53:58,321 --> 00:53:59,447
Come on.

1205
00:53:59,614 --> 00:54:01,116
Okay. Yeah?

1206
00:54:01,282 --> 00:54:03,243
Yeah. Great! I'll see you in there!

1207
00:54:03,410 --> 00:54:04,869
Let's go to midnight mass together.

1208
00:54:05,036 --> 00:54:07,997
Okay. Yeah, if you say so.

1209
00:54:08,164 --> 00:54:09,666
Save us a seat.

1210
00:54:09,833 --> 00:54:11,334
How fucked up are you right now?

1211
00:54:13,294 --> 00:54:15,588
I'm not fucked up at all, Betsy.
I'm your rock.

1212
00:54:15,755 --> 00:54:17,048
You look like a crack rock.

1213
00:54:17,215 --> 00:54:19,634
I'm not. Don't say that.
Are you mad at me?

1214
00:54:19,801 --> 00:54:21,761
- No, just walk normal, please.
- I'm walking normal.

1215
00:54:21,928 --> 00:54:23,388
No, you're not.

1216
00:54:23,555 --> 00:54:25,890
Don't put it there, Isaac.

1217
00:54:26,057 --> 00:54:27,392
And it's gone.

1218
00:54:27,559 --> 00:54:29,686
Hi. Merry Christmas.

1219
00:54:36,526 --> 00:54:38,111
Are you giving birth to piss?

1220
00:54:38,278 --> 00:54:41,281
Oh, my God. I'm just
trying not to shit my pants.

1221
00:54:41,448 --> 00:54:43,199
- You should.
- I should?

1222
00:54:43,366 --> 00:54:44,784
You should just do it. Why not?

1223
00:54:44,951 --> 00:54:46,453
I should just drop a deuce in my shorts.

1224
00:54:46,619 --> 00:54:47,912
Just do it!

1225
00:54:48,079 --> 00:54:51,374
That's great. Two more assholes
that don't give a fuck about Christmas.

1226
00:54:51,541 --> 00:54:52,584
What?

1227
00:54:52,751 --> 00:54:54,127
What are you guys doing?

1228
00:54:54,294 --> 00:54:55,795
Santa pub crawl, bro!

1229
00:54:55,962 --> 00:55:00,592
Guys, Santa Claus is a
very meaningful thing to a lot of people.

1230
00:55:00,759 --> 00:55:03,011
A lot of children!

1231
00:55:03,178 --> 00:55:06,848
Here's the thing, man. For those kids,
they're living a fucking lie!

1232
00:55:07,015 --> 00:55:08,433
Yeah. Spoiler alert:

1233
00:55:08,600 --> 00:55:10,685
Santa's not real, you pricky infant.

1234
00:55:10,852 --> 00:55:12,312
This is a costume!

1235
00:55:12,479 --> 00:55:16,566
But when you put on that costume
and you portray Santa Claus...

1236
00:55:16,733 --> 00:55:21,237
you're taking a solemn oath
to represent certain values...

1237
00:55:21,404 --> 00:55:22,989
that it represents!

1238
00:55:23,156 --> 00:55:26,201
You know who you remind me of?
One of my angry elves.

1239
00:55:26,368 --> 00:55:28,286
Fuck! No. Look, don't call me an elf.

1240
00:55:28,453 --> 00:55:29,829
I think you got him with that one, Santa.

1241
00:55:29,996 --> 00:55:31,623
Fuck you, "don't call me an elf!"
Motherfucker!

1242
00:55:31,790 --> 00:55:33,792
Get back to the workshop!
You work for us, elf!

1243
00:55:33,958 --> 00:55:35,877
Go back to the workshop, elf!

1244
00:55:36,711 --> 00:55:39,506
This little elf has no friends
on Christmas.

1245
00:55:39,673 --> 00:55:41,591
My friends are just down there.

1246
00:55:41,758 --> 00:55:44,969
Where are they? We're friends.
We even dressed the same...

1247
00:55:45,136 --> 00:55:47,931
but you, you're all alone,
just like a fucking dum-dum.

1248
00:55:48,098 --> 00:55:49,599
Oh, my God. Are you gonna cry?

1249
00:55:50,642 --> 00:55:52,936
Did Mommy and Daddy
leave you alone on Christmas?

1250
00:55:53,103 --> 00:55:54,813
Oh, shit!

1251
00:55:54,979 --> 00:55:58,191
That's for disrespecting
the spirit of Christmas!

1252
00:56:01,611 --> 00:56:02,612
Oh, fuck.

1253
00:56:05,532 --> 00:56:06,533
Fuck you!

1254
00:56:06,700 --> 00:56:08,785
Man, this really feels like
it's about something else here.

1255
00:56:08,952 --> 00:56:11,413
It's about this and only this!
Nothing else!

1256
00:56:11,579 --> 00:56:13,415
I think you're sublimating, man.

1257
00:56:13,581 --> 00:56:15,625
I do not wanna hurt you, man.

1258
00:56:15,792 --> 00:56:17,419
No, no, no. I wanna hurt him.
He sucker-punched me.

1259
00:56:20,714 --> 00:56:22,215
You fucking frat boys!

1260
00:56:22,382 --> 00:56:24,134
I'm an orthopedic surgeon.

1261
00:56:24,300 --> 00:56:26,177
I teach third grade, bitch!

1262
00:56:26,344 --> 00:56:29,556
I shape our nation's youth!

1263
00:56:29,723 --> 00:56:31,307
What is with this holiday?

1264
00:56:31,474 --> 00:56:33,393
It just fucks with people's heads.

1265
00:56:36,062 --> 00:56:37,689
This needs to be important to you.

1266
00:56:37,856 --> 00:56:39,649
- It's ringing.
- Okay.

1267
00:56:46,072 --> 00:56:47,073
Hey.

1268
00:56:47,240 --> 00:56:48,908
Hey! Hi!

1269
00:56:49,075 --> 00:56:52,912
Does Isaac have Sarah's phone
by any chance?

1270
00:56:53,079 --> 00:56:54,998
Yeah, he has it.

1271
00:56:55,832 --> 00:56:56,958
- He has it.
- Thank God.

1272
00:56:57,125 --> 00:56:58,126
So relax.

1273
00:56:58,293 --> 00:57:00,462
There is some very sensitive information
on there.

1274
00:57:00,628 --> 00:57:02,964
It's incredibly sensitive.
Wow, what's on the phone?

1275
00:57:03,131 --> 00:57:04,215
You don't need to know.

1276
00:57:04,382 --> 00:57:07,260
How's the party? Is it as dumb
as you thought it'd be?

1277
00:57:07,427 --> 00:57:09,846
Actually, it's kind of amazing.
It's really fun...

1278
00:57:10,013 --> 00:57:12,682
and you should get here. Quickly.

1279
00:57:12,849 --> 00:57:13,892
What?

1280
00:57:14,059 --> 00:57:15,268
Really?

1281
00:57:15,435 --> 00:57:17,979
You want me to come there? To see you?

1282
00:57:18,146 --> 00:57:20,231
That's what I'm saying.
Come on!

1283
00:57:20,398 --> 00:57:21,900
Do you like him again?

1284
00:57:22,067 --> 00:57:23,234
Can we not have that conversation...

1285
00:57:23,401 --> 00:57:24,694
- right now?
- I'm just saying.

1286
00:57:24,861 --> 00:57:25,987
Okay.

1287
00:57:26,154 --> 00:57:27,739
Okay. We'll see you soon.

1288
00:57:31,493 --> 00:57:33,995
<i>Give us this day our daily bread</i>

1289
00:57:34,162 --> 00:57:36,206
<i>And forgive us our trespasses</i>

1290
00:57:39,834 --> 00:57:41,670
- I'm praying.
- I think that's a Jewish thing.

1291
00:57:41,836 --> 00:57:43,296
- I can't do that here?
- No.

1292
00:57:43,463 --> 00:57:44,464
It's the same God.

1293
00:57:45,298 --> 00:57:46,758
I did it.

1294
00:57:47,133 --> 00:57:48,259
What's everyone doing?

1295
00:57:48,426 --> 00:57:49,552
Sit.

1296
00:57:50,011 --> 00:57:51,179
Sit down.

1297
00:57:53,723 --> 00:57:55,892
- This is so cool.
- Whisper.

1298
00:57:56,059 --> 00:57:58,269
- Are we supposed to participate?
- No.

1299
00:57:58,436 --> 00:57:59,521
Hallelu!

1300
00:57:59,688 --> 00:58:01,189
No. Not that kind of church.

1301
00:58:01,356 --> 00:58:02,440
No?

1302
00:58:02,607 --> 00:58:04,734
You're my rock, right?
Can you be my rock?

1303
00:58:04,901 --> 00:58:06,569
Because you're acting like a weird pebble.

1304
00:58:06,736 --> 00:58:07,987
Okay. I think I'm good.

1305
00:58:08,154 --> 00:58:09,280
Be a rock.

1306
00:58:20,083 --> 00:58:22,043
Fuck you.

1307
00:58:22,377 --> 00:58:24,212
What's up with this fucking kid over here?

1308
00:58:24,379 --> 00:58:25,588
What?

1309
00:58:25,755 --> 00:58:26,840
What's this kid doing?

1310
00:58:28,425 --> 00:58:30,135
Look over there.

1311
00:58:30,301 --> 00:58:32,721
Look away, dude. Look away!

1312
00:58:33,513 --> 00:58:34,931
Stop.

1313
00:58:35,098 --> 00:58:36,516
Please don't hiss at a kid.

1314
00:58:36,683 --> 00:58:37,684
He's fucking with me.

1315
00:58:37,851 --> 00:58:39,185
I don't think he's talking to you at all.

1316
00:58:40,979 --> 00:58:42,147
Who's that guy?

1317
00:58:42,313 --> 00:58:43,314
What guy?

1318
00:58:43,481 --> 00:58:44,649
- The guy on the cross.
- Jesus!

1319
00:58:44,816 --> 00:58:46,234
- Oh, Jesus.
- Stop it.

1320
00:58:46,401 --> 00:58:47,402
Oh, Jesus Christ.

1321
00:58:47,569 --> 00:58:48,820
- Is that what they think we did to him?
- Yeah.

1322
00:58:48,987 --> 00:58:50,196
- Can you tell I'm Jewish?
- Yes.

1323
00:58:50,363 --> 00:58:51,740
- How?
- Your fucking sweater.

1324
00:58:53,158 --> 00:58:54,951
- I'm sorry.
- Isaac, stop talking.

1325
00:58:57,662 --> 00:58:59,956
Isaac. Isaac, what are you doing?

1326
00:59:00,540 --> 00:59:03,168
Don't throw up.
Don't you dare throw up in here.

1327
00:59:03,335 --> 00:59:04,961
Swallow it like a girl would.

1328
00:59:05,128 --> 00:59:06,588
Swallow it.

1329
00:59:06,755 --> 00:59:09,049
Did you do it?
Let me see your mouth.

1330
00:59:09,549 --> 00:59:10,592
Don't throw up on me.

1331
00:59:10,759 --> 00:59:11,926
Where's the barf bag?

1332
00:59:12,093 --> 00:59:13,178
There's no barf bags!

1333
00:59:13,345 --> 00:59:15,430
Stop it! No, stop it, Isaac!

1334
00:59:20,810 --> 00:59:22,812
Jesus fucking Christ!

1335
00:59:24,898 --> 00:59:26,900
- He just threw up.
- Yeah.

1336
00:59:27,817 --> 00:59:29,527
Oh, Jesus, fuck me.

1337
00:59:31,946 --> 00:59:34,866
- Is it still happening?
- It's still happening a little.

1338
00:59:39,204 --> 00:59:41,414
We did not kill Jesus!

1339
00:59:41,581 --> 00:59:43,583
We did not do that!

1340
00:59:54,469 --> 00:59:55,804
Give me my weed, you Grinch!

1341
00:59:59,724 --> 01:00:01,101
Shit!

1342
01:00:07,816 --> 01:00:08,900
Come on!

1343
01:00:26,835 --> 01:00:28,128
Fuck!

1344
01:00:31,548 --> 01:00:32,674
What the fuck are you doing?

1345
01:00:32,841 --> 01:00:34,259
No, what are you doing, man?

1346
01:00:34,426 --> 01:00:36,511
You have friends who want to
spend the holidays with you.

1347
01:00:36,678 --> 01:00:38,138
You're lucky you have that.

1348
01:00:38,304 --> 01:00:40,932
You need to appreciate that
before you lose them.

1349
01:00:41,099 --> 01:00:43,393
That's your Christmas lesson.
That's why I'm taking this shit.

1350
01:00:44,769 --> 01:00:46,771
My boy Hans Gruber died like this.

1351
01:00:49,107 --> 01:00:50,358
No!

1352
01:01:11,713 --> 01:01:13,465
What the hell?

1353
01:01:15,633 --> 01:01:16,968
- Help!
- Isaac.

1354
01:01:17,135 --> 01:01:18,428
- What you doing, man?
- Thank God!

1355
01:01:18,595 --> 01:01:20,930
Dude, we've got to get to this party
or I'm gonna get fucking divorced.

1356
01:01:21,097 --> 01:01:22,766
Help me. How does this thing work?

1357
01:01:22,932 --> 01:01:24,434
You got to use your MetroCard.
Go this way.

1358
01:01:24,601 --> 01:01:26,394
Do it, do it, do it.

1359
01:01:26,561 --> 01:01:28,146
All right. Go.

1360
01:01:29,647 --> 01:01:30,732
Did you get the weed back?

1361
01:01:30,899 --> 01:01:32,275
Shit got weird.
I don't wanna talk about it.

1362
01:01:32,442 --> 01:01:33,860
Did you get your phone back?

1363
01:01:34,027 --> 01:01:36,321
No. Not at all. That's a long story.
Look. Hey!

1364
01:01:36,488 --> 01:01:38,114
Oh, shit! What the fuck happened to you?

1365
01:01:38,281 --> 01:01:40,033
I got beat up
by a couple of Santa Clauses.

1366
01:01:40,200 --> 01:01:41,910
You got beat up?

1367
01:01:42,077 --> 01:01:44,412
Fuck. When?

1368
01:01:44,579 --> 01:01:47,999
When? You know, a little bit
after you guys ran off without me.

1369
01:01:48,166 --> 01:01:49,417
But why did they beat you up?

1370
01:01:49,584 --> 01:01:50,585
I don't know why they beat me up!

1371
01:01:50,752 --> 01:01:52,003
Did they mug you?
Did they take the tickets?

1372
01:01:52,170 --> 01:01:53,672
No, they didn't take the fucking tickets!

1373
01:01:53,838 --> 01:01:55,131
Then why would they do it?

1374
01:01:55,298 --> 01:01:56,341
I don't know.

1375
01:01:56,508 --> 01:01:58,968
You don't know?
Did they say anything?

1376
01:01:59,135 --> 01:02:00,804
They're just a couple of drunk assholes!

1377
01:02:00,970 --> 01:02:03,556
Look, it wouldn't have happened
if you guys didn't bail on me.

1378
01:02:04,599 --> 01:02:05,725
What the fuck is that?

1379
01:02:05,892 --> 01:02:08,144
Don't do this now.
Please don't do this now!

1380
01:02:08,311 --> 01:02:09,938
So what's up with you, man?
Why are you mad at us?

1381
01:02:10,105 --> 01:02:12,607
Why you blame everything bad
that happens to you on us?

1382
01:02:12,774 --> 01:02:14,859
I'm just saying this is the
last chance we get to do this...

1383
01:02:15,026 --> 01:02:16,236
and you guys are so wrapped up
in your own shit...

1384
01:02:16,403 --> 01:02:17,404
you don't really care about Christmas.

1385
01:02:17,570 --> 01:02:18,822
What does that even mean?

1386
01:02:18,988 --> 01:02:20,907
When was the last time
you checked your phone, Chris?

1387
01:02:21,074 --> 01:02:22,909
Are you sure one of your famous friends...

1388
01:02:23,076 --> 01:02:24,953
isn't trying to get a hold of you
asking you to fetch him something?

1389
01:02:25,120 --> 01:02:26,996
You used to hate guys like that.

1390
01:02:27,163 --> 01:02:30,500
I get it. I get some success.
I get some new friends and you're jealous.

1391
01:02:30,667 --> 01:02:32,919
Look at you. So you're a success?

1392
01:02:33,086 --> 01:02:34,546
You want to talk about
your newfound success?

1393
01:02:34,713 --> 01:02:35,797
I don't need to talk about it.

1394
01:02:35,964 --> 01:02:37,507
You don't think your two best friends
see through that shit?

1395
01:02:37,674 --> 01:02:39,968
See through what? Let's talk about it.
What do you see, Isaac?

1396
01:02:40,135 --> 01:02:41,261
I don't see anything.
I don't see through anything.

1397
01:02:41,428 --> 01:02:43,013
You're 34 years old.

1398
01:02:43,179 --> 01:02:45,140
Most professional athletes
retire right now...

1399
01:02:45,306 --> 01:02:47,183
but you just got good. How is that?

1400
01:02:47,350 --> 01:02:48,351
Practice.

1401
01:02:48,518 --> 01:02:50,603
I told you. It was a new diet.
A new regimen.

1402
01:02:50,770 --> 01:02:53,231
A new regimen?
That's what you call it?

1403
01:02:53,398 --> 01:02:54,983
Yeah, that's what I call it.
What you call it?

1404
01:02:55,150 --> 01:02:57,902
I think I call it putting a needle
in your ass. That's what I call it.

1405
01:02:58,069 --> 01:02:59,946
Okay. Fine.

1406
01:03:00,113 --> 01:03:01,865
I'm on steroids, now what?

1407
01:03:02,282 --> 01:03:04,659
Newsflash: Everybody's on steroids!

1408
01:03:04,826 --> 01:03:05,827
You're a cheater.

1409
01:03:05,994 --> 01:03:07,620
At least I'm doing something with my life.

1410
01:03:07,787 --> 01:03:10,457
What about you? Sitting around
wasting your fucking life away.

1411
01:03:10,623 --> 01:03:12,417
No girlfriend, no money.

1412
01:03:12,584 --> 01:03:16,629
Dude, you make music
that people have never heard.

1413
01:03:16,796 --> 01:03:18,048
It's the saddest shit
I've ever seen in my life!

1414
01:03:18,214 --> 01:03:19,424
Are you fucking serious right now?

1415
01:03:19,591 --> 01:03:21,760
Yeah! You need to get your
fucking life together. Tell him, Isaac.

1416
01:03:21,926 --> 01:03:24,346
You shut up! You're ruining my trip!

1417
01:03:24,512 --> 01:03:26,056
It's really fucked up.

1418
01:03:26,222 --> 01:03:29,100
Fuck this!
Going to the best party of my life...

1419
01:03:29,267 --> 01:03:33,772
and I'm not wearing some pseudo-racist,
fake-ass acrylic sweater!

1420
01:03:33,938 --> 01:03:36,274
- Don't take off that sweater!
- I'm taking the sweater off!

1421
01:03:36,441 --> 01:03:38,443
- Don't take off the sweater.
- Put the fucking sweater back on!

1422
01:03:38,610 --> 01:03:39,652
I'm taking the fucking sweater off!

1423
01:03:41,696 --> 01:03:42,947
Stupid.

1424
01:04:14,062 --> 01:04:15,563
May I help you?

1425
01:04:17,273 --> 01:04:20,902
I have these tickets.

1426
01:04:33,039 --> 01:04:34,207
Come with me.

1427
01:04:41,965 --> 01:04:42,966
Come on.

1428
01:04:46,594 --> 01:04:47,679
Get in there.

1429
01:05:17,500 --> 01:05:21,046
May I take your coats, gentlemen?

1430
01:05:41,441 --> 01:05:43,360
All aboard!

1431
01:06:24,859 --> 01:06:26,361
I'm going to find Owens.

1432
01:06:27,612 --> 01:06:29,447
Gonna find my phone.

1433
01:06:31,116 --> 01:06:32,325
I'm gonna go find Diana.

1434
01:06:37,706 --> 01:06:40,792
Oh, shit, Messiah,
White Jesus in the building.

1435
01:06:40,959 --> 01:06:42,043
C-Money in the hizzle.

1436
01:06:42,210 --> 01:06:43,253
- Yo, man.
- I see you made it.

1437
01:06:43,420 --> 01:06:45,672
I wasn't able to get the weed, man.
Shit fell apart. You know what I mean?

1438
01:06:45,839 --> 01:06:47,674
I forgot I even asked you.
You want some weed?

1439
01:06:47,841 --> 01:06:49,551
Have some weed.

1440
01:06:49,718 --> 01:06:51,261
But.... All right.

1441
01:06:51,970 --> 01:06:54,097
You got a whole fucking
dump truck of weed?

1442
01:06:54,264 --> 01:06:56,057
Dro fo' sho'.

1443
01:06:56,224 --> 01:06:58,560
- So this it, huh?
- Oh, this is it, baby.

1444
01:06:58,727 --> 01:07:00,645
The Nutcracker Ball!

1445
01:07:00,812 --> 01:07:02,397
Yeah!

1446
01:07:03,398 --> 01:07:04,524
Having an emergency!

1447
01:07:05,942 --> 01:07:07,652
- Oh, my God.
- Sarah!

1448
01:07:07,819 --> 01:07:09,112
Sarah!

1449
01:07:09,279 --> 01:07:10,822
Are you fucking kidding me?

1450
01:07:10,989 --> 01:07:12,240
Get off of me!
What the fuck, dude?

1451
01:07:12,407 --> 01:07:13,742
I'm sorry! I'm just happy!

1452
01:07:13,908 --> 01:07:16,828
- You're so fucking sweaty.
- I know. It's warm and I'm on Molly.

1453
01:07:16,995 --> 01:07:18,580
- Oh, my God! Is that my phone?
- It is your phone. Do you have my phone?

1454
01:07:18,747 --> 01:07:20,707
- Take your piece-of-shit phone back.
- It's the same phone.

1455
01:07:20,874 --> 01:07:22,042
That's why we got them mixed up.

1456
01:07:22,208 --> 01:07:23,376
- But this has some serious shit on it.
- I know.

1457
01:07:23,543 --> 01:07:25,128
Wait. You didn't look at it, did you?

1458
01:07:25,295 --> 01:07:26,629
You didn't look at any shit on my phone,
did you?

1459
01:07:26,796 --> 01:07:27,797
- No.
- Good.

1460
01:07:27,964 --> 01:07:29,382
You didn't look at anything on my phone,
did you?

1461
01:07:29,549 --> 01:07:30,967
I just wanna tell you...

1462
01:07:31,968 --> 01:07:32,969
good job.

1463
01:07:33,428 --> 01:07:34,554
You did fucking look at my phone.

1464
01:07:35,013 --> 01:07:36,931
I didn't want to.
The texts just were coming in.

1465
01:07:37,098 --> 01:07:38,099
What is the matter with you?

1466
01:07:38,266 --> 01:07:40,352
All these gorgeous dick pics.
A-plus dick pics.

1467
01:07:40,643 --> 01:07:42,145
- That's a boss hog.
- Wait a second, really?

1468
01:07:42,312 --> 01:07:44,189
That dick soft is like
two of my dicks hard.

1469
01:07:44,356 --> 01:07:46,316
Do you think, like, it would be....

1470
01:07:46,483 --> 01:07:48,693
Do you think I could, like, handle it?

1471
01:07:48,860 --> 01:07:50,904
There was a moment where I thought
he was wanting me to handle it...

1472
01:07:51,071 --> 01:07:53,573
and I had to wrap my head around it
for a second, and I thought to myself:

1473
01:07:53,740 --> 01:07:55,617
"You know what? You hunker down,
you could take that bad boy."

1474
01:07:55,784 --> 01:07:56,868
- Really?
- Yeah.

1475
01:07:57,035 --> 01:07:59,788
That guy James, whoever James is,
he's got a fantastic cock on him.

1476
01:07:59,954 --> 01:08:01,873
Yo! Did somebody say cock?

1477
01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:03,041
What's up?

1478
01:08:03,208 --> 01:08:04,334
- Hey.
- What are you guys talking about?

1479
01:08:04,501 --> 01:08:05,627
- Nothing.
- Hey, what's up, bro? I'm James.

1480
01:08:05,794 --> 01:08:07,796
- I'm Isaac.
- You don't need to meet him.

1481
01:08:07,962 --> 01:08:09,214
That's your dick!

1482
01:08:09,381 --> 01:08:11,257
- Oh, shit!
- I'm the guy who had the phone!

1483
01:08:11,424 --> 01:08:13,218
- You saw my dick?
- Did I ever! Oh, my God!

1484
01:08:13,385 --> 01:08:14,928
He almost sucked my dick.

1485
01:08:15,095 --> 01:08:16,388
I would have if I'd known
it was you, maybe.

1486
01:08:16,554 --> 01:08:18,098
Oh, shit! Are you guys a couple?

1487
01:08:18,264 --> 01:08:19,391
- No, no. We're friends.
- Am I the third wheel?

1488
01:08:19,557 --> 01:08:20,600
No, no. You're the first wheel.

1489
01:08:20,767 --> 01:08:22,644
- Am I the third wheel?
- Not at all.

1490
01:08:22,811 --> 01:08:25,146
Honestly, I was with two other guys
all night and now I'm in a fight with them....

1491
01:08:25,313 --> 01:08:26,940
Oh, really? Two other guys?

1492
01:08:27,107 --> 01:08:28,566
I'd love to hang out
with two other people.

1493
01:08:28,733 --> 01:08:30,026
Is that a challenge?

1494
01:08:30,193 --> 01:08:31,611
It might be! Yeah.

1495
01:08:31,778 --> 01:08:34,489
I don't know who I'm gonna start with,
but I know who I'm gonna end with.

1496
01:08:34,656 --> 01:08:36,199
Well, let's get started right now!

1497
01:08:36,366 --> 01:08:38,493
- You guys wanna dance?
- I would love to dance.

1498
01:08:38,660 --> 01:08:40,328
- I would love to dance.
- You wanna dance?

1499
01:08:40,495 --> 01:08:41,955
Let's do it! Come on, Isaac!

1500
01:08:42,122 --> 01:08:44,124
Oh, my God. This is so nice!
This is the best!

1501
01:08:44,290 --> 01:08:45,333
What a turn of events!

1502
01:08:45,500 --> 01:08:46,501
What?

1503
01:08:58,972 --> 01:09:01,391
Holy fucking shit!

1504
01:09:10,316 --> 01:09:11,317
You're Miley Cyrus.

1505
01:09:11,901 --> 01:09:12,902
Yeah.

1506
01:09:13,069 --> 01:09:14,237
No, you don't understand.

1507
01:09:14,404 --> 01:09:17,699
I was just looking for this girl
that I love, and she loves you.

1508
01:09:17,866 --> 01:09:20,493
Oh, God, no. I did that with two fans
one time. It got super awkward.

1509
01:09:20,660 --> 01:09:23,079
That's not what I meant. Sorry, you don't
understand. That'd be awesome....

1510
01:09:23,246 --> 01:09:24,581
But, no, I just mean....

1511
01:09:25,957 --> 01:09:29,210
This has gotta be some kind of Christmas
miracle, because she talks about you...

1512
01:09:29,377 --> 01:09:31,338
and your song a lot.

1513
01:09:31,504 --> 01:09:35,592
And I love this girl. I'm starting to realize,
tonight, she's the love of my life.

1514
01:09:35,759 --> 01:09:38,720
And I wanted tonight to be sort of a
special night for me and her.

1515
01:09:38,928 --> 01:09:41,931
- Now you're here and....
- You want to propose tonight?

1516
01:09:42,098 --> 01:09:45,226
Oh, my God! That is so romantic.
That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard.

1517
01:09:45,393 --> 01:09:47,729
I mean, I was just thinking you could
like dedicate a song to her.

1518
01:09:47,896 --> 01:09:50,357
What? You gotta propose!

1519
01:09:50,523 --> 01:09:53,610
Come on! It's Christmas.
It's like, go big or go fucking home!

1520
01:09:53,777 --> 01:09:56,071
I mean, you love this girl.
You say you love her, right?

1521
01:09:56,237 --> 01:09:59,449
Yeah. But I don't know
if tonight's the right time for...

1522
01:09:59,616 --> 01:10:02,369
Oh, God. Are you one of those guys
that are always making up excuses?

1523
01:10:02,535 --> 01:10:03,953
I fucking hate those kind of guys.

1524
01:10:04,120 --> 01:10:05,455
No, Miley Cyrus,
I'm not one of those guys.

1525
01:10:05,622 --> 01:10:08,166
All right, then don't be a pussy!
You got to propose to her!

1526
01:10:08,333 --> 01:10:11,544
There's all this magic in the air,
people want to fall in love.

1527
01:10:12,253 --> 01:10:14,714
Okay. Okay!
Then I will!

1528
01:10:14,881 --> 01:10:16,257
This is a sign if I've ever seen a sign!

1529
01:10:16,675 --> 01:10:19,177
- It's gonna be fucking awesome.
- I'm gonna propose!

1530
01:10:19,344 --> 01:10:20,720
Yeah, you're gonna propose!
And I'm gonna help you out.

1531
01:10:20,887 --> 01:10:23,682
We're gonna propose!
Oh, my God! We're gonna propose!

1532
01:10:23,848 --> 01:10:25,892
We're gonna propose! Okay!

1533
01:10:26,059 --> 01:10:28,728
Miley Cyrus, this is the nicest thing
that anyone's ever done for me!

1534
01:10:28,895 --> 01:10:30,647
You gotta stop calling me Miley Cyrus.

1535
01:10:30,814 --> 01:10:32,732
- What should I call you?
- Hannah.

1536
01:10:33,692 --> 01:10:35,735
Just kidding. I'm drunk.
Let's do this thing!

1537
01:10:35,902 --> 01:10:37,737
- What's up, man?
- Hey, Chris.

1538
01:10:37,904 --> 01:10:39,989
- Yeah, what up, boy?
- Hey, what's up, K?

1539
01:10:40,156 --> 01:10:42,450
Hey, Reverend Run, man.
It's your boy, Reverend Run.

1540
01:10:42,617 --> 01:10:44,119
What that supposed to mean?

1541
01:10:44,285 --> 01:10:46,705
Hey, Messiah.
Check this shit out, dude.

1542
01:10:47,288 --> 01:10:49,916
Oh, shit. Is that you?
The fuck is that?

1543
01:10:50,083 --> 01:10:51,668
Nah, it was a Make-A-Wish thing, man.

1544
01:10:51,835 --> 01:10:55,380
Those two kids have Crohn's disease.
It was their wish to do karaoke with me.

1545
01:10:55,547 --> 01:10:58,258
Man, damn dog,
you look just as white as they do.

1546
01:10:58,425 --> 01:11:00,635
- Yeah, which one are you?
- Look at that sweater!

1547
01:11:03,638 --> 01:11:06,725
I got you!
I got you! I got you!

1548
01:11:06,891 --> 01:11:08,143
Oh, man!

1549
01:11:08,309 --> 01:11:09,769
- Yeah!
- Yeah.

1550
01:11:09,936 --> 01:11:11,563
- You're a great dancer, man.
- Oh, thanks, dude.

1551
01:11:11,730 --> 01:11:14,399
Appreciate it. I'm pretty high
on Molly right now.

1552
01:11:14,566 --> 01:11:16,693
I'm high too. I'm high too.

1553
01:11:16,860 --> 01:11:18,987
- I am digging this beard.
- Thanks, man.

1554
01:11:19,154 --> 01:11:21,406
- Yo, carpet match the drapes?
- Yeah, I got a big bush.

1555
01:11:22,365 --> 01:11:25,368
My carpet matches my drapes.

1556
01:11:25,535 --> 01:11:28,204
Look at this guy!
He's furry all over!

1557
01:11:28,997 --> 01:11:29,998
Nice!

1558
01:11:30,165 --> 01:11:32,709
You need to get the fuck out of here.
You're being a huge cockblock.

1559
01:11:32,876 --> 01:11:34,002
I'm not being a cockblock.

1560
01:11:34,169 --> 01:11:35,378
- Yes, you are!
- What the fuck are you talking about?

1561
01:11:35,545 --> 01:11:38,757
I don't think I could block this guy's cock.
It'd take ten men to block that thing.

1562
01:11:42,052 --> 01:11:44,929
- Merry Christmas, New York City!
- Oh, no. Miley's here?

1563
01:11:45,096 --> 01:11:46,639
Miley Cyrus?

1564
01:11:47,265 --> 01:11:51,186
<i>We clawed, we chained Our hearts in vain</i>

1565
01:11:51,353 --> 01:11:52,937
<i>We jumped</i>

1566
01:11:53,104 --> 01:11:54,981
<i>Never asking why</i>

1567
01:11:55,148 --> 01:11:57,150
- This is great!
- This is so cool.

1568
01:11:57,317 --> 01:11:59,069
Where's Diana?
This is, like, our song.

1569
01:11:59,652 --> 01:12:03,281
<i>A love no one could deny</i>

1570
01:12:03,448 --> 01:12:05,200
All right, everybody,
give it up to my friend.

1571
01:12:05,367 --> 01:12:06,576
What the fuck is your name again?

1572
01:12:06,743 --> 01:12:07,744
- Ethan.
- Ethan!

1573
01:12:12,665 --> 01:12:16,544
<i>Don't you ever say I just walked away</i>

1574
01:12:16,711 --> 01:12:19,964
<i>I will always want you</i>

1575
01:12:21,049 --> 01:12:22,967
<i>I forgot these words</i>

1576
01:12:23,134 --> 01:12:24,678
<i>Doesn't matter though</i>

1577
01:12:25,303 --> 01:12:29,182
<i>I will always want you</i>

1578
01:12:30,183 --> 01:12:34,604
<i>I came in like a wrecking ball</i>

1579
01:12:34,771 --> 01:12:38,191
<i>I never hit so hard in love</i>

1580
01:12:38,358 --> 01:12:42,112
<i>All I wanted was to break your walls</i>

1581
01:12:42,487 --> 01:12:46,908
<i>All you ever did was wreck me</i>

1582
01:12:47,450 --> 01:12:48,785
<i>Yeah, you</i>

1583
01:12:48,952 --> 01:12:50,662
<i>You wreck me</i>

1584
01:12:50,829 --> 01:12:52,497
Yeah!

1585
01:12:53,957 --> 01:12:55,041
Diana....

1586
01:12:57,419 --> 01:12:58,712
Dude, can you move?

1587
01:12:58,878 --> 01:13:01,589
In the red. Move.
Yeah, thanks.

1588
01:13:02,549 --> 01:13:03,550
Diana...

1589
01:13:04,634 --> 01:13:07,721
listen, I know we're not really even
going out anymore...

1590
01:13:07,887 --> 01:13:10,015
and that's because I wouldn't commit.

1591
01:13:10,181 --> 01:13:12,350
- This is crazy.
- But I'm ready to commit. Hard.

1592
01:13:12,517 --> 01:13:14,978
<i>I'm ready to commit</i>

1593
01:13:15,520 --> 01:13:17,063
Hard like a wrecking ball.

1594
01:13:18,732 --> 01:13:20,817
You're the best thing
that's ever happened to me, girl.

1595
01:13:21,693 --> 01:13:24,487
You make me laugh. You're cool as hell.
You don't take any shit.

1596
01:13:25,155 --> 01:13:26,406
<i>None of his shit</i>

1597
01:13:26,573 --> 01:13:27,574
You're smarter than I am.

1598
01:13:27,741 --> 01:13:29,784
- You're probably better than I deserve.
- This is so romantic.

1599
01:13:30,702 --> 01:13:31,995
But go big or go home.
Right, Miley?

1600
01:13:32,162 --> 01:13:33,329
No, E.

1601
01:13:33,496 --> 01:13:37,000
<i>Go big or go home</i>

1602
01:13:37,334 --> 01:13:40,670
When I let you go,
that was just me fucking up...

1603
01:13:40,837 --> 01:13:43,089
but I don't wanna ever let you go again.
Not now, not ever.

1604
01:13:43,256 --> 01:13:45,383
And definitely not on fucking Christmas!

1605
01:13:45,550 --> 01:13:47,927
<i>On fucking Christmas</i>

1606
01:13:48,094 --> 01:13:49,679
So this is it, Diana.

1607
01:13:49,846 --> 01:13:52,223
- Only live once, bro!
- Stop encouraging him, James.

1608
01:13:53,350 --> 01:13:54,601
Will you marry me?

1609
01:13:56,853 --> 01:13:58,897
Say yes. Yes.

1610
01:14:04,235 --> 01:14:06,404
- Yes.
- Yeah!

1611
01:14:06,821 --> 01:14:08,490
- Fuck!
- Yes!

1612
01:14:09,157 --> 01:14:13,078
<i>I came in like a wrecking ball</i>

1613
01:14:13,244 --> 01:14:16,289
<i>I never hit so hard in love</i>

1614
01:14:17,123 --> 01:14:21,002
<i>All I wanted was to break your walls</i>

1615
01:14:21,169 --> 01:14:25,173
<i>All you ever did was wreck me</i>

1616
01:14:25,715 --> 01:14:27,258
<i>I came in like a wrecking ball</i>

1617
01:14:27,425 --> 01:14:29,969
Okay, I gotta go find my friend real fast.
Excuse me.

1618
01:14:30,136 --> 01:14:34,933
<i>Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall</i>

1619
01:14:35,100 --> 01:14:36,976
I'm gonna be right back.

1620
01:14:37,143 --> 01:14:38,395
Y'all stay black.

1621
01:14:38,770 --> 01:14:40,105
- Hey.
- Yeah?

1622
01:14:40,271 --> 01:14:42,232
All this romance is getting me really hot.

1623
01:14:42,399 --> 01:14:43,566
You wanna go back to the hotel room?

1624
01:14:43,733 --> 01:14:45,402
Hey, I feel like you might be gay.

1625
01:14:46,236 --> 01:14:48,321
- Not right now, I'm not.
- Okay.

1626
01:14:48,488 --> 01:14:49,823
- All right.
- Okay.

1627
01:14:50,156 --> 01:14:51,783
Oh, my fucking God! Oh, my God!

1628
01:14:51,950 --> 01:14:53,660
Oh, my God!
This is the greatest night of our lives!

1629
01:14:53,827 --> 01:14:55,829
- That was crazy.
- That's so crazy, right?

1630
01:14:55,995 --> 01:14:58,915
Listen, I'm sorry about the ring.
I'll get you a ring, I promise.

1631
01:14:59,082 --> 01:15:00,208
We can do that tomorrow.

1632
01:15:00,375 --> 01:15:02,210
No, Ethan, I'm not going to marry you.

1633
01:15:02,377 --> 01:15:03,503
What do you mean?

1634
01:15:03,670 --> 01:15:06,047
We're not even together.

1635
01:15:06,214 --> 01:15:08,216
I haven't even spoken to you in,
like, three months!

1636
01:15:08,383 --> 01:15:09,592
Yes, I addressed that in the speech.

1637
01:15:09,759 --> 01:15:11,803
I know, and then you show up here
and you propose to me...

1638
01:15:11,970 --> 01:15:13,847
in front of hundreds and hundreds
of people.

1639
01:15:14,014 --> 01:15:15,015
That's crazy.

1640
01:15:15,181 --> 01:15:18,393
Wait, I'm sorry.
We're not getting married? This is a no?

1641
01:15:18,560 --> 01:15:20,979
No! It's a no! No!

1642
01:15:21,146 --> 01:15:24,691
I'm so sorry that you're clearly
going through a lot right now.

1643
01:15:24,858 --> 01:15:27,569
I'm sorry that your friends don't wanna
hang out with you on Christmas.

1644
01:15:27,736 --> 01:15:29,195
I understand that that's hard for you.

1645
01:15:29,362 --> 01:15:32,949
That is not a reason for you
to grab onto me like I'm your lifeline!

1646
01:15:34,409 --> 01:15:35,410
Why'd you say yes?

1647
01:15:36,286 --> 01:15:38,455
I said yes because
everybody was looking at me.

1648
01:15:38,621 --> 01:15:41,541
I said yes, because Miley clearly wanted
me to say yes!

1649
01:15:41,708 --> 01:15:44,085
And I didn't want Miley to think
that I hated love!

1650
01:15:45,712 --> 01:15:47,047
That's understandable.

1651
01:15:47,213 --> 01:15:49,007
I wouldn't want that either.

1652
01:15:49,841 --> 01:15:51,593
Okay, look, I....

1653
01:15:53,053 --> 01:15:55,680
I was really just trying to do what I
thought you wanted me to do...

1654
01:15:55,847 --> 01:15:57,682
and that's because I love you.

1655
01:15:57,849 --> 01:15:59,184
It's been three months, I haven't stopped.

1656
01:15:59,351 --> 01:16:00,602
I'm not gonna stop.

1657
01:16:01,102 --> 01:16:03,730
I'm not your answer...

1658
01:16:03,897 --> 01:16:05,648
right now, Ethan.

1659
01:16:06,816 --> 01:16:09,027
Wait, wait. No, no.
Can we talk?

1660
01:16:16,326 --> 01:16:19,037
Oh, my God! Hi!

1661
01:16:19,204 --> 01:16:20,288
- You're Tommy Owens!
- Yeah, yeah, thank you.

1662
01:16:20,455 --> 01:16:21,498
You're the Messiah!

1663
01:16:21,664 --> 01:16:24,376
You really are the Messiah!
You saved my fantasy team last year, bro!

1664
01:16:24,542 --> 01:16:26,002
- I'm a huge fan of yours.
- All right, that's good to know.

1665
01:16:26,169 --> 01:16:27,170
You have a good night.

1666
01:16:27,337 --> 01:16:28,338
- You're big in real life.
- Pleasure, man.

1667
01:16:28,505 --> 01:16:29,798
Look, can you help me out?

1668
01:16:29,964 --> 01:16:32,967
We have a friend in common. Chris.

1669
01:16:33,134 --> 01:16:35,178
- I'm looking for my buddy Ethan.
- Oh, shit.

1670
01:16:36,971 --> 01:16:39,182
- Hey!
- I'm sorry!

1671
01:16:39,349 --> 01:16:41,142
I'm sorry, I got it. I got it.

1672
01:16:44,062 --> 01:16:45,230
Oh, no.

1673
01:16:45,397 --> 01:16:46,815
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Are you okay?

1674
01:16:46,981 --> 01:16:48,733
Hey, it's glass, man.
Why you picking it up?

1675
01:16:48,900 --> 01:16:50,110
I'm just trying to help out, man.

1676
01:16:50,318 --> 01:16:52,195
- Come on.
- Oh, shit!

1677
01:16:54,739 --> 01:16:55,907
Holy shit!

1678
01:16:56,491 --> 01:16:57,575
I'm sorry!

1679
01:16:58,660 --> 01:17:00,578
The Jewish guy crucified the Messiah!

1680
01:17:00,745 --> 01:17:03,248
It was rabbi dancing motherfucker!

1681
01:17:04,332 --> 01:17:07,168
It's happening again!

1682
01:17:08,586 --> 01:17:11,673
Ethan! Ethan!
Diana!

1683
01:17:12,632 --> 01:17:13,800
Congratulations!

1684
01:17:13,967 --> 01:17:16,553
- No! Stop congratulating me!
- What? What happened?

1685
01:17:16,720 --> 01:17:18,638
Just go talk to Ethan.

1686
01:17:18,805 --> 01:17:20,098
Shit.

1687
01:17:20,724 --> 01:17:23,935
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
I think he's gonna be fine.

1688
01:17:24,102 --> 01:17:25,103
Please, punch him in the face!

1689
01:17:25,270 --> 01:17:27,397
I thought the Messiah
preached forgiveness!

1690
01:17:27,564 --> 01:17:29,482
Look at me, asshole.
What the fuck wrong with you?

1691
01:17:29,649 --> 01:17:32,569
- Who the fuck are you?
- Hey. He's my friend!

1692
01:17:32,736 --> 01:17:33,945
Back off, man!

1693
01:17:35,864 --> 01:17:37,574
Yo! Back the fuck up, all right?

1694
01:17:37,741 --> 01:17:40,243
Oh, shit just got real, huh?
Yeah, go ahead and punch him, man.

1695
01:17:40,785 --> 01:17:42,037
TMZ will love that shit.

1696
01:17:42,203 --> 01:17:44,330
I got the biggest motherfucking phone
on the planet.

1697
01:17:44,497 --> 01:17:47,083
And your ass will be trending
in 10 minutes.

1698
01:17:47,250 --> 01:17:49,878
Who in here follow Chrisrob11?

1699
01:17:50,045 --> 01:17:51,463
Put your fucking hands down!

1700
01:17:51,629 --> 01:17:53,798
- His social media game is crazy!
- Crazy!

1701
01:17:53,965 --> 01:17:55,508
Run.

1702
01:17:55,884 --> 01:17:57,927
Go, go. Get out there. No! No!

1703
01:17:58,094 --> 01:17:59,346
No. No! No!

1704
01:17:59,512 --> 01:18:00,555
Yeah!

1705
01:18:00,722 --> 01:18:03,767
- No, no!
- I'm a lawyer! I'm a lawyer!

1706
01:18:17,572 --> 01:18:21,242
- Magical night, isn't it?
- Jesus. You scared me.

1707
01:18:21,743 --> 01:18:23,370
Mr. Green.

1708
01:18:23,995 --> 01:18:25,413
Man, you're everywhere tonight.

1709
01:18:26,623 --> 01:18:28,917
I end every Christmas at this party.

1710
01:18:29,084 --> 01:18:30,502
What do you mean? How do you get in?

1711
01:18:30,669 --> 01:18:31,961
It's my party.

1712
01:18:32,128 --> 01:18:33,129
What?

1713
01:18:33,588 --> 01:18:35,340
About 20 years ago...

1714
01:18:35,507 --> 01:18:37,676
I read <i>The Great Gatsby</i>.

1715
01:18:38,385 --> 01:18:40,053
I love that book.

1716
01:18:40,220 --> 01:18:42,472
Movie's all right,
3D gives me a headache...

1717
01:18:42,639 --> 01:18:44,683
but I'm a sucker for Leo.

1718
01:18:46,601 --> 01:18:47,936
So this guy...

1719
01:18:48,103 --> 01:18:51,147
he throws all these parties
and nobody knows who he is.

1720
01:18:51,648 --> 01:18:54,317
I thought,
"Wow, that's pretty fucking cool."

1721
01:18:54,818 --> 01:18:57,737
My cousin Larry's got this
giant warehouse in Brooklyn...

1722
01:18:57,904 --> 01:19:01,533
figured I'm working on Christmas
anyway, so I should do it too.

1723
01:19:01,700 --> 01:19:03,910
We started out pretty small.

1724
01:19:04,077 --> 01:19:06,871
Just a punch bowl and some sleigh bells...

1725
01:19:07,038 --> 01:19:11,626
and it gets bigger and bigger every year.
This year we added that train.

1726
01:19:11,793 --> 01:19:13,712
Through the trippy tunnel of lights.

1727
01:19:13,878 --> 01:19:15,755
- Cool way to enter a party, right?
- Yeah.

1728
01:19:17,465 --> 01:19:18,717
What'd you think of Miley?

1729
01:19:19,134 --> 01:19:21,428
Yeah, she was great.
She was great.

1730
01:19:23,346 --> 01:19:26,182
Ethan, you and I both know,
Miley was flawless.

1731
01:19:27,726 --> 01:19:29,561
Something's bugging you.

1732
01:19:33,189 --> 01:19:36,067
Your friends, they ain't gonna leave you.

1733
01:19:36,693 --> 01:19:37,861
They need you, kid.

1734
01:19:38,445 --> 01:19:39,612
How do you know about that?

1735
01:19:41,072 --> 01:19:42,907
Smoke this.

1736
01:19:43,366 --> 01:19:46,411
Nah, I'm good, man.
Weed makes me paranoid now.

1737
01:19:46,745 --> 01:19:49,706
This is the staff of life.

1738
01:19:49,956 --> 01:19:51,624
Okay.

1739
01:19:51,791 --> 01:19:53,460
You're making me a little uncomfortable.

1740
01:19:53,626 --> 01:19:57,464
I've been told my quiet intensity
has that effect on people.

1741
01:19:58,131 --> 01:19:59,883
But sometimes...

1742
01:20:00,050 --> 01:20:02,927
being uncomfortable can be a good thing.

1743
01:20:18,318 --> 01:20:20,779
Fuck it. Thanks.

1744
01:20:37,087 --> 01:20:38,338
- Hey.
- Hey, man.

1745
01:20:38,505 --> 01:20:40,674
- Sup, dude?
- What are you guys doing here?

1746
01:20:40,840 --> 01:20:43,843
We just thought maybe
you'd wanna hang out.

1747
01:20:44,010 --> 01:20:45,762
Some company or something.

1748
01:20:45,929 --> 01:20:47,931
Just say what's up.

1749
01:20:48,098 --> 01:20:49,474
That's cool.

1750
01:20:49,641 --> 01:20:51,309
I'm packing all this shit up.

1751
01:20:51,476 --> 01:20:53,812
Old people have so much stuff.
You guys remember that.

1752
01:20:53,978 --> 01:20:55,980
You have to throw things away in life.

1753
01:20:56,147 --> 01:20:57,774
For sure.

1754
01:21:00,360 --> 01:21:02,779
- Play some Nintendo?
- Yeah, N64?

1755
01:21:02,946 --> 01:21:05,240
I think I'm just gonna chill here.

1756
01:21:05,407 --> 01:21:08,743
I appreciate you guys coming over,
but I think I'm just gonna...

1757
01:21:08,910 --> 01:21:11,746
No, man. Fuck that, dude.
It's Christmas.

1758
01:21:11,913 --> 01:21:13,957
You can't be alone.
Let's hang out.

1759
01:21:16,334 --> 01:21:19,129
Go to my mom's house.
Play some "GoldenEye."

1760
01:21:19,295 --> 01:21:21,798
Come on. Look, I got some whiskey.

1761
01:21:21,965 --> 01:21:23,925
I stole some hash from my brother.
Rolled it in this doob.

1762
01:21:24,092 --> 01:21:26,386
We get pretty fucked up.

1763
01:21:33,601 --> 01:21:34,728
I'm sorry.

1764
01:21:34,894 --> 01:21:36,730
- No. It's cool.
- It's all good, man.

1765
01:21:36,896 --> 01:21:38,565
It's okay, man.

1766
01:21:45,363 --> 01:21:46,990
I just miss them.

1767
01:21:48,158 --> 01:21:49,284
We miss them too.

1768
01:21:49,451 --> 01:21:50,952
Yeah, man.

1769
01:21:51,119 --> 01:21:52,829
But you know what?

1770
01:21:52,996 --> 01:21:54,998
We're your new family now.

1771
01:21:55,165 --> 01:21:57,083
I'll be your daddy,
Chris'll be your mommy.

1772
01:21:57,250 --> 01:21:58,793
No, I'm gonna be the daddy,
you be the mom.

1773
01:22:00,378 --> 01:22:01,671
You guys are good friends.

1774
01:22:01,838 --> 01:22:03,214
We'll be here whenever you need us, man.

1775
01:22:03,381 --> 01:22:04,424
Always, man.

1776
01:22:04,591 --> 01:22:06,843
Yeah, always there for you, bro.

1777
01:22:09,763 --> 01:22:12,390
You can't smoke that in here.

1778
01:22:12,557 --> 01:22:14,267
Figure we can now.

1779
01:22:15,852 --> 01:22:17,479
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

1780
01:22:17,645 --> 01:22:19,397
- Fuck, that's crazy.
- What we hiding this for?

1781
01:22:19,564 --> 01:22:20,899
Take a hit, dude.

1782
01:22:21,066 --> 01:22:22,442
A little bit for the homeys.

1783
01:22:22,609 --> 01:22:24,235
It's so cold outside too.

1784
01:22:24,819 --> 01:22:27,822
We should go to Christmas Tree
at Rockefeller Center.

1785
01:22:27,989 --> 01:22:29,616
- Yes.
- That's a good idea.

1786
01:22:29,783 --> 01:22:31,284
Then we go to FAO Schwarz....

1787
01:22:31,451 --> 01:22:33,036
And we dance on the piano!

1788
01:22:33,203 --> 01:22:35,205
- Like Tom Hanks in <i>Big.</i>
- "Heart and Soul."

1789
01:22:35,372 --> 01:22:37,499
Then we eat Chinese food,
because I'm fucking high.

1790
01:22:37,665 --> 01:22:40,335
And then go to the karaoke spot
right by the Chinese food place.

1791
01:22:40,502 --> 01:22:42,754
That's a fucking good idea.

1792
01:22:43,046 --> 01:22:44,673
It's a dope night.

1793
01:22:51,596 --> 01:22:53,932
That was fucking touching, yo.

1794
01:22:55,225 --> 01:22:57,727
Those are some ride-or-die homeys
you got there.

1795
01:22:57,894 --> 01:22:59,896
Cherish that shit.

1796
01:23:01,147 --> 01:23:02,982
It's all different now.

1797
01:23:03,483 --> 01:23:05,151
Those guys don't need me anymore.

1798
01:23:05,610 --> 01:23:07,487
Oh, yeah? Listen.

1799
01:23:07,654 --> 01:23:10,073
We need him!
We're not leaving without him!

1800
01:23:10,240 --> 01:23:12,450
He's my best friend in the whole world.
I can't leave him here.

1801
01:23:12,617 --> 01:23:15,245
Don't let the red noses fool you,
these fuckers are tough.

1802
01:23:15,412 --> 01:23:17,038
What if I run in,
and you try to climb in a window?

1803
01:23:17,205 --> 01:23:18,957
Maybe if you boost me up
we can get around them.

1804
01:23:19,124 --> 01:23:20,667
No, I can't boost you,
you're too heavy, man.

1805
01:23:20,834 --> 01:23:23,086
We need our friend
and we'll never leave him behind!

1806
01:23:23,253 --> 01:23:25,839
- Hand him over, reindeer!
- Yo!

1807
01:23:26,006 --> 01:23:27,048
I'll charge and you go.

1808
01:23:27,215 --> 01:23:28,383
- There he is!
- Hey!

1809
01:23:28,550 --> 01:23:30,385
Thank God, we've been
looking everywhere for you!

1810
01:23:30,552 --> 01:23:31,845
Rudolph is kicking our ass!

1811
01:23:32,012 --> 01:23:33,972
- I'm here!
- Get down here so we can go!

1812
01:23:34,139 --> 01:23:35,140
Here I come!

1813
01:23:35,306 --> 01:23:37,225
Come around!

1814
01:23:38,601 --> 01:23:40,061
I got your nose!

1815
01:23:40,228 --> 01:23:42,063
I got your nose, asshole!

1816
01:23:42,230 --> 01:23:44,649
How about that, Rudolph?

1817
01:23:46,443 --> 01:23:48,570
- Thanks, Mr. Green.
- You're welcome.

1818
01:23:56,786 --> 01:23:58,288
It was a pretty dumb thing you did.

1819
01:23:58,455 --> 01:24:00,040
I know. I didn't think it through at all.

1820
01:24:00,206 --> 01:24:01,958
I just saw her at the bar and just....

1821
01:24:02,125 --> 01:24:04,627
I don't know man,
I really, really like this girl.

1822
01:24:04,794 --> 01:24:06,338
I can't help it.

1823
01:24:06,504 --> 01:24:10,133
I was scared of being alone
and did some stupid shit.

1824
01:24:10,842 --> 01:24:12,385
I think she just wanted you to do...

1825
01:24:12,552 --> 01:24:15,347
some normal shit that boyfriends do
after two years of dating.

1826
01:24:15,513 --> 01:24:17,807
But I'm not normal. You know this.
I'm not normal.

1827
01:24:17,974 --> 01:24:20,185
Bunch of abnormal shit happened to me.

1828
01:24:20,643 --> 01:24:23,229
Or, I don't know,
maybe that's just an excuse.

1829
01:24:24,939 --> 01:24:27,108
I guess I'm pretty good at making excuses.

1830
01:24:27,275 --> 01:24:28,943
- Yeah.
- All the time.

1831
01:24:29,110 --> 01:24:31,905
If you get paid for that
you'd be really successful.

1832
01:24:32,072 --> 01:24:33,239
Why didn't you tell me?

1833
01:24:33,406 --> 01:24:35,158
You know, it's hard to tell someone.

1834
01:24:35,325 --> 01:24:37,077
You have a good reason
to be making excuses.

1835
01:24:37,243 --> 01:24:38,661
It's just kind of ruining your life.

1836
01:24:43,166 --> 01:24:45,794
It's harder to stay friends with people
when you're older.

1837
01:24:45,960 --> 01:24:48,630
You have so much
of your own shit going on.

1838
01:24:48,797 --> 01:24:50,965
We'll just have to try harder.

1839
01:24:51,132 --> 01:24:52,676
It's important, you know?

1840
01:24:53,009 --> 01:24:54,469
Come on.

1841
01:24:54,969 --> 01:24:56,721
I really love you.

1842
01:24:56,888 --> 01:24:58,014
I love you a lot.

1843
01:24:58,181 --> 01:24:59,474
Thanks, man.

1844
01:25:01,559 --> 01:25:02,602
Oh, no.

1845
01:25:03,770 --> 01:25:05,605
- Oh, no.
- What's up?

1846
01:25:05,772 --> 01:25:06,773
I have 96 missed calls.

1847
01:25:07,607 --> 01:25:08,608
Holy shit.

1848
01:25:08,775 --> 01:25:12,028
- Oh, no, Betsy's gone into labor, I bet.
- No.

1849
01:25:12,195 --> 01:25:14,739
Why the fuck would she call that
many times? Oh, no, she's calling again.

1850
01:25:15,615 --> 01:25:16,616
Hello?

1851
01:25:17,200 --> 01:25:19,786
Hello? Yes. All right.

1852
01:25:19,953 --> 01:25:22,372
All right. That's fine.

1853
01:25:22,539 --> 01:25:26,251
I will be right there.
As fast as I can. Don't worry.

1854
01:25:28,169 --> 01:25:29,629
Betsy's going into fucking labor.

1855
01:25:29,796 --> 01:25:31,381
- What?
- What?

1856
01:25:34,217 --> 01:25:36,011
Oh, no! Oh, no!

1857
01:25:36,177 --> 01:25:38,221
- Come on!
- Oh, no!

1858
01:25:39,431 --> 01:25:42,017
We'll never get a fucking cab over here!

1859
01:25:42,183 --> 01:25:43,393
Wait, look!

1860
01:25:44,936 --> 01:25:47,522
It's Mr. Green's car!
It's a Christmas miracle!

1861
01:25:47,689 --> 01:25:49,149
- Isaac, can you drive?
- Yeah!

1862
01:25:49,315 --> 01:25:51,651
No, no, no, I'm kidding! I'll drive!

1863
01:26:01,077 --> 01:26:03,705
I believe I finally earned these.

1864
01:26:10,086 --> 01:26:11,921
Come on. I got you. I got you.

1865
01:26:12,088 --> 01:26:15,008
No, no, no. There you go.
There you go.

1866
01:26:16,885 --> 01:26:19,346
Get out of the way!

1867
01:26:27,187 --> 01:26:29,272
Where is she? Where is she?

1868
01:26:32,317 --> 01:26:34,778
Cindy? Where is she?
Is everything okay?

1869
01:26:34,944 --> 01:26:36,696
It's okay. Nothing happened.

1870
01:26:36,863 --> 01:26:37,906
It was a false alarm.

1871
01:26:38,073 --> 01:26:39,574
Oh, God!

1872
01:26:39,741 --> 01:26:41,326
False alarm!

1873
01:26:41,701 --> 01:26:42,786
Betsy?

1874
01:26:42,952 --> 01:26:44,371
Thank God. I'm so sorry.

1875
01:26:44,537 --> 01:26:45,789
Where were you?

1876
01:26:45,955 --> 01:26:47,290
I made a mistake.
I made a huge mistake.

1877
01:26:47,457 --> 01:26:48,583
I called you.

1878
01:26:48,750 --> 01:26:51,169
- I switched phones with Sarah.
- From work?

1879
01:26:51,336 --> 01:26:53,088
It's a long story.

1880
01:26:53,254 --> 01:26:55,799
It doesn't matter. I just need to
tell you something. Okay?

1881
01:26:55,965 --> 01:26:57,300
Okay.

1882
01:26:57,967 --> 01:26:59,469
I'm gonna come clean with you.

1883
01:26:59,636 --> 01:27:01,596
Those drugs you gave me...

1884
01:27:01,763 --> 01:27:03,765
they sent me on a spirit quest.

1885
01:27:03,932 --> 01:27:06,976
You know, like a spirit quest
in an Oliver Stone movie or <i>Young Guns.</i>

1886
01:27:07,143 --> 01:27:09,646
And when that happened
I kind of realized...

1887
01:27:09,813 --> 01:27:13,233
that maybe I've been lying to, maybe,
myself and you...

1888
01:27:13,400 --> 01:27:16,194
about how I really feel about some stuff.

1889
01:27:16,361 --> 01:27:17,404
I'm just gonna show you this.

1890
01:27:17,570 --> 01:27:20,115
- Just watch this.
- Okay.

1891
01:27:20,281 --> 01:27:22,575
<i>This baby is a bad fucking call.
I'm not ready for it!</i>

1892
01:27:22,742 --> 01:27:25,328
<i>We got to do this responsible thing
and I got to say...</i>

1893
01:27:25,495 --> 01:27:27,372
<i>that we should not be having this baby!</i>

1894
01:27:27,539 --> 01:27:29,207
<i>But get rid of this fucking baby!</i>

1895
01:27:29,374 --> 01:27:31,292
<i>Put it in a bag and leave it somewhere!</i>

1896
01:27:31,459 --> 01:27:33,795
<i>Put it in a basket
and push it down a fucking river!</i>

1897
01:27:33,962 --> 01:27:36,006
- Are you laughing?
- This is hilarious.

1898
01:27:36,172 --> 01:27:38,758
<i>- Cunt!</i>
- Did you just call our baby a cunt?

1899
01:27:38,925 --> 01:27:40,260
I forgot about that.

1900
01:27:40,427 --> 01:27:42,804
Okay, I can't watch anymore.

1901
01:27:42,971 --> 01:27:44,848
But honestly, I'm a little relieved.

1902
01:27:45,015 --> 01:27:46,391
- You are?
- Are you kidding me!

1903
01:27:46,558 --> 01:27:49,936
I feel like such a dumb asshole
compared to you sometimes.

1904
01:27:50,103 --> 01:27:52,772
It's all been a lie. It's all been a front,
because I'm fucking freaking out.

1905
01:27:52,939 --> 01:27:55,525
It's all just been to compensate
for the fact that I don't know anything.

1906
01:27:55,692 --> 01:27:56,943
This is good. You need to let it out.

1907
01:27:57,110 --> 01:27:58,570
This is good?

1908
01:27:58,737 --> 01:28:00,572
Yes. You need to not bottle it up.

1909
01:28:00,739 --> 01:28:02,657
One of us has to be not freaking out.

1910
01:28:02,824 --> 01:28:05,035
- I'm actually okay.
- Really?

1911
01:28:05,201 --> 01:28:08,038
All of a sudden I was just thinking
about everything you've been saying...

1912
01:28:08,204 --> 01:28:11,583
about how strong we are,
and how we can handle it.

1913
01:28:11,750 --> 01:28:13,251
And that made me feel better.

1914
01:28:13,418 --> 01:28:14,461
Really?

1915
01:28:14,627 --> 01:28:17,714
Yeah. I really feel like I can do this.

1916
01:28:18,548 --> 01:28:19,924
Look at me.

1917
01:28:20,091 --> 01:28:22,635
- I'm your rock.
- You're my rock?

1918
01:28:22,802 --> 01:28:23,803
I'm Dwayne.

1919
01:28:23,970 --> 01:28:25,805
I get to have sex
with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

1920
01:28:26,264 --> 01:28:28,058
I love you, Isaac.

1921
01:28:28,683 --> 01:28:30,393
I love you, dragon.

1922
01:28:30,560 --> 01:28:31,978
Betsy.

1923
01:28:33,188 --> 01:28:36,024
Did you say "Dragon Betsy"?

1924
01:28:36,191 --> 01:28:37,400
I'm gonna keep being honest.

1925
01:28:37,567 --> 01:28:40,695
I'm tripping my fucking balls off still,
and you look like a dragon right now.

1926
01:28:40,862 --> 01:28:41,988
- I do?
- Yeah.

1927
01:28:44,491 --> 01:28:45,533
Is that scary?

1928
01:28:45,700 --> 01:28:46,785
It's intense.

1929
01:28:47,994 --> 01:28:50,455
Let's just go. Can we just go?
Let's just go.

1930
01:28:54,876 --> 01:28:56,419
That's nice.

1931
01:29:02,592 --> 01:29:04,219
What is it?

1932
01:29:09,849 --> 01:29:12,227
Couldn't have been easy to tell me that.

1933
01:29:13,395 --> 01:29:16,523
It's not gonna be easy
to tell the world either.

1934
01:29:17,023 --> 01:29:18,900
Guess we gonna lose the park, huh?

1935
01:29:19,067 --> 01:29:21,528
Fuck that park. It got crackheads.

1936
01:29:22,904 --> 01:29:24,531
Say the grace, boy.

1937
01:29:24,698 --> 01:29:26,408
Yes, ma'am.

1938
01:29:27,951 --> 01:29:30,829
Heavenly Father, thank you
for this food we're about to receive.

1939
01:29:30,995 --> 01:29:33,164
Thank you for my momma.

1940
01:29:33,331 --> 01:29:36,876
Thank you for my friends
and their families.

1941
01:30:09,951 --> 01:30:12,162
- Hi.
- Really?

1942
01:30:13,288 --> 01:30:14,581
Are you gonna propose to me again?

1943
01:30:14,748 --> 01:30:15,999
- No.
- Are you sure?

1944
01:30:16,166 --> 01:30:17,751
I just wanted to talk to you.

1945
01:30:17,917 --> 01:30:19,419
And I have something to tell you...

1946
01:30:19,586 --> 01:30:22,380
and I wanna tell it on Christmas.
If that's all right? So...

1947
01:30:22,547 --> 01:30:24,799
it can't wait. Can you just
come out here for a sec and we'll talk...

1948
01:30:24,966 --> 01:30:26,634
and then I'll go. I promise.

1949
01:30:30,805 --> 01:30:32,349
Okay. Fine.

1950
01:30:34,267 --> 01:30:35,268
What?

1951
01:30:35,643 --> 01:30:37,812
First of all, I'm sorry about last night.

1952
01:30:37,979 --> 01:30:40,357
- I know that was stupid.
- Yeah.

1953
01:30:43,735 --> 01:30:47,030
And it was totally crazy
that I wouldn't meet your parents.

1954
01:30:47,197 --> 01:30:49,449
That was just me being really....

1955
01:30:49,616 --> 01:30:51,576
Yeah. I agree with that.

1956
01:30:52,118 --> 01:30:54,662
But I guess I was...

1957
01:30:55,789 --> 01:30:57,165
I don't know, scared...

1958
01:30:57,332 --> 01:31:00,669
because Chris and Isaac have been
my family for the last 10 years...

1959
01:31:01,169 --> 01:31:03,380
so I didn't wanna meet your family...

1960
01:31:03,546 --> 01:31:05,840
because that would change everything.

1961
01:31:06,007 --> 01:31:08,051
But everything changes, right?
We all grow up...

1962
01:31:09,177 --> 01:31:11,429
and that's a good thing,
I wanna grow up. I do.

1963
01:31:13,598 --> 01:31:15,558
I wanna grow up with you.

1964
01:31:16,768 --> 01:31:18,269
And I do wanna have a family...

1965
01:31:19,354 --> 01:31:21,564
other than two dudes.

1966
01:31:22,107 --> 01:31:26,319
But I want that family to....

1967
01:31:27,696 --> 01:31:29,656
I want it to be you.

1968
01:31:30,448 --> 01:31:34,953
Which is probably worse than proposing...

1969
01:31:35,120 --> 01:31:38,331
because now we're talking
about you bearing my children.

1970
01:31:38,498 --> 01:31:39,916
Yeah. It's a lot.

1971
01:31:40,542 --> 01:31:44,379
But just pretend I'm saying it right,
if you could.

1972
01:31:45,880 --> 01:31:47,757
I'd rather be the guy, from now on...

1973
01:31:47,924 --> 01:31:50,635
who says too much than not enough.

1974
01:31:50,802 --> 01:31:55,056
If we're being honest,
I should apologize to you also...

1975
01:31:55,223 --> 01:31:57,809
for stalking you, a little bit.

1976
01:31:58,393 --> 01:32:01,438
I knew that you were gonna be
at that bar last night.

1977
01:32:02,105 --> 01:32:04,024
You pretended
like that was just coincidence.

1978
01:32:04,190 --> 01:32:05,817
I did. And also...

1979
01:32:05,984 --> 01:32:08,069
if we're confessing things...

1980
01:32:09,029 --> 01:32:13,033
I do ask Betsy about you.

1981
01:32:13,575 --> 01:32:15,201
Kind of all the time.

1982
01:32:15,368 --> 01:32:16,619
She doesn't let on.

1983
01:32:16,786 --> 01:32:18,455
I know. Because she's my friend.

1984
01:32:18,621 --> 01:32:20,206
I ask her about you every time I see her.

1985
01:32:20,373 --> 01:32:21,875
Oh, I know.

1986
01:32:22,792 --> 01:32:24,377
She tells me every time you ask.

1987
01:32:24,544 --> 01:32:25,795
She doesn't tell me that you ask her.

1988
01:32:25,962 --> 01:32:27,047
She's a girl. That's how it works.

1989
01:32:30,425 --> 01:32:31,885
Can I come in?

1990
01:32:32,218 --> 01:32:33,636
In here?

1991
01:32:34,596 --> 01:32:37,015
- This is my parents' house.
- I know.

1992
01:32:37,182 --> 01:32:40,810
I thought that you didn't do parents.

1993
01:32:40,977 --> 01:32:42,395
I'll do your parents.

1994
01:32:43,438 --> 01:32:45,023
Wow. Nice.

1995
01:32:45,190 --> 01:32:48,360
Don't do my dad doggy-style.
He's got very bad knees.

1996
01:32:49,277 --> 01:32:51,363
He's an old man now.

1997
01:32:54,074 --> 01:32:55,408
All right.

1998
01:32:55,992 --> 01:32:57,494
- Hey.
- Yo.

1999
01:32:57,660 --> 01:32:59,913
I kind of wanna kiss you...

2000
01:33:00,080 --> 01:33:02,957
but maybe not so soon
after saying I would do your parents.

2001
01:33:20,350 --> 01:33:23,687
Come have sex
with my mother and my father.

2002
01:33:23,853 --> 01:33:25,397
I thought you were saying,
"Come have sex."

2003
01:33:25,563 --> 01:33:27,941
With my mother and also my father.

2004
01:33:50,505 --> 01:33:51,673
She won't sleep.

2005
01:33:51,840 --> 01:33:53,800
- Can we try?
- Are you sure?

2006
01:33:53,967 --> 01:33:55,427
Showtime. Let's do it.

2007
01:33:55,593 --> 01:33:57,220
Thank you.

2008
01:33:57,887 --> 01:33:59,014
Hey, sweetie.

2009
01:33:59,180 --> 01:34:00,181
This is the best.

2010
01:34:00,348 --> 01:34:02,183
Come here, little sweetie.
Come here.

2011
01:34:02,767 --> 01:34:04,185
Come here, sweetie.

2012
01:34:04,352 --> 01:34:06,396
Look who it is. Who are these guys?

2013
01:34:06,563 --> 01:34:08,314
Look at that.

2014
01:34:08,481 --> 01:34:10,483
Who are these guys here?

2015
01:34:10,650 --> 01:34:12,777
- Should we do it?
- Yeah, do it.

2016
01:34:46,853 --> 01:34:48,855
That's good. Wow.

2017
01:34:52,692 --> 01:34:54,527
How was that for a Christmas story?

2018
01:34:54,694 --> 01:34:56,363
That was nice!

2019
01:34:56,529 --> 01:34:57,739
That was some shit!

2020
01:34:57,906 --> 01:35:00,450
Shit happened!
Things went down!

2021
01:35:00,617 --> 01:35:02,035
Lessons were learned.

2022
01:35:02,202 --> 01:35:04,829
Friends are important,
but relationships evolve.

2023
01:35:04,996 --> 01:35:07,582
I'm so glad Ethan and Diana
ended up together.

2024
01:35:07,749 --> 01:35:09,209
I hope he get her pregnant.

2025
01:35:09,376 --> 01:35:11,252
I'd like to give a special shout-out
to my seed...

2026
01:35:11,419 --> 01:35:13,963
for killing it again this Christmas.

2027
01:35:14,589 --> 01:35:16,007
Best I ever did it!

2028
01:35:16,174 --> 01:35:18,176
Shit, Pop. Thanks.

2029
01:35:18,677 --> 01:35:19,886
Thanks for noticing.

2030
01:35:20,053 --> 01:35:22,180
Right now, let the after-party begin!

2031
01:35:22,347 --> 01:35:23,515
DJ Kevy Kev!

2032
01:35:23,682 --> 01:35:25,392
Let's turn it up!

2033
01:35:26,476 --> 01:35:29,312
Turn it up, now! Holla!

2033
01:35:30,305 --> 01:35:36,735
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