1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM 2 00:00:55,732 --> 00:00:57,817 Little late for visitors. 3 00:01:00,737 --> 00:01:04,658 I apologize. I had an appointment with Warden Kane hours ago. 4 00:01:04,825 --> 00:01:06,826 Traffic was murderous. 5 00:01:06,993 --> 00:01:08,912 You can have an appointment with me, darling. 6 00:01:09,079 --> 00:01:10,455 Hello, Miss Quinn. 7 00:01:10,622 --> 00:01:13,917 Uh, please, excuse my guard's lack of manners. 8 00:01:14,084 --> 00:01:16,586 Around these parts, we don't get a lot of reporters 9 00:01:16,753 --> 00:01:20,840 that look like... uh, please, come in. 10 00:01:29,641 --> 00:01:32,102 We're already drawing enough heat down here. 11 00:01:32,268 --> 00:01:36,523 And you want to go make things worse by sexually harassing a journalist? 12 00:01:36,689 --> 00:01:39,901 Once everybody knows about this place, we'll probably all get shitcanned. 13 00:01:40,068 --> 00:01:41,169 Who cares? 14 00:01:58,878 --> 00:02:00,421 You boys okay? 15 00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:01,982 Is there a problem? 16 00:02:02,132 --> 00:02:04,759 Uh, no, no. No problem at all. 17 00:02:06,469 --> 00:02:09,097 - I don't bite. - Right. Yes. 18 00:02:09,264 --> 00:02:11,449 Uh, well, uh... 19 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:12,934 Shall we get started? 20 00:02:13,101 --> 00:02:16,454 Of course. Do you mind if I record this? 21 00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:19,232 No, certainly not. Go right ahead. 22 00:02:19,399 --> 00:02:21,459 I want everything to be by the book. 23 00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:24,237 Uh, before we get started, 24 00:02:24,404 --> 00:02:28,867 has anyone warned you about this place? 25 00:02:30,743 --> 00:02:32,370 I don't scare easily, Mr. Kane. 26 00:02:32,537 --> 00:02:34,038 But thank you for your concern. 27 00:02:34,205 --> 00:02:37,584 Ah. Well, Miss, there are people here 28 00:02:37,750 --> 00:02:39,836 that even God is afraid of. 29 00:02:52,515 --> 00:02:54,934 I'm amazed you've been able to keep a facility such as this 30 00:02:55,101 --> 00:02:56,644 hidden for so long. 31 00:02:56,811 --> 00:02:59,189 Well, most of the jobs left this area years ago, 32 00:02:59,355 --> 00:03:03,484 so there's not much reason for people to venture down here any longer. 33 00:03:03,693 --> 00:03:06,321 Although we do get the occasional teenage devil worshippers, 34 00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:08,948 but they're pretty easy to scare off. 35 00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,746 On the record, why the secrecy? 36 00:03:15,955 --> 00:03:19,292 Other facilities for the criminally insane exist. 37 00:03:19,459 --> 00:03:21,394 They don't hold people without trial. 38 00:03:21,544 --> 00:03:23,229 What about their rights? 39 00:03:23,379 --> 00:03:28,092 Well, if Gitmo can get away with it, why shouldn't we? 40 00:03:28,259 --> 00:03:33,306 These monsters, they're domestic terrorists. 41 00:03:33,473 --> 00:03:36,142 As far as I'm concerned, they have no rights. 42 00:03:36,309 --> 00:03:38,770 I mean, do you really believe 43 00:03:38,937 --> 00:03:41,856 that out of the millions of people in this country, 44 00:03:42,065 --> 00:03:45,818 there aren't more than just a handful of sickos, hmm? 45 00:03:45,985 --> 00:03:50,365 I mean, Dahmer and Bundy and Gacy, 46 00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:53,218 they're just the ones that got all the press. 47 00:03:53,368 --> 00:03:55,745 Here, we house the ones 48 00:03:55,912 --> 00:03:59,582 that you whisper about around the campfire. 49 00:03:59,749 --> 00:04:01,834 So killing them. 50 00:04:02,043 --> 00:04:03,461 Would that be the answer? 51 00:04:03,628 --> 00:04:05,088 Off the record? 52 00:04:09,634 --> 00:04:12,762 If I didn't have those SOBs up in the state house 53 00:04:12,929 --> 00:04:15,848 nosing around my business, 54 00:04:16,015 --> 00:04:20,103 I'd put a bullet in each of their heads. 55 00:04:25,149 --> 00:04:27,735 Welcome to no man's land, Miss Quinn. 56 00:04:34,117 --> 00:04:39,664 This... This is what we call Supermax. 57 00:04:46,629 --> 00:04:50,258 That is Jeffrey Ramseys. 58 00:04:50,508 --> 00:04:54,804 Affectionately called Animal the Cannibal. 59 00:05:00,143 --> 00:05:02,937 Probably heard the rumor of the famous chef 60 00:05:03,104 --> 00:05:06,441 whose flank steak was to die for. 61 00:05:10,236 --> 00:05:13,823 Turns out he was serving customers to customers. 62 00:05:25,043 --> 00:05:27,420 The, uh, scar, 63 00:05:27,587 --> 00:05:29,422 it's from one meal who fought back. 64 00:05:47,607 --> 00:05:50,568 His board of directors from the restaurant chain 65 00:05:50,735 --> 00:05:53,755 decided it might be bad for business if people found out 66 00:05:53,905 --> 00:05:56,657 he was literally serving people, so, 67 00:05:56,824 --> 00:06:01,662 they arranged for Animal here to disappear. 68 00:06:04,165 --> 00:06:06,501 Then there's Bradford Young. 69 00:06:10,338 --> 00:06:14,175 Ladies nicknamed him Dr. Suave. 70 00:06:19,639 --> 00:06:23,976 He was a dentist who believed that not every tooth could be saved. 71 00:06:26,938 --> 00:06:29,440 We'll get that toothache to stop. 72 00:06:29,607 --> 00:06:31,234 Don't you worry. 73 00:06:34,987 --> 00:06:38,032 Just relax. It's all gonna be fine. 74 00:06:52,755 --> 00:06:54,465 That should do it. 75 00:06:58,803 --> 00:07:00,304 No, no, no. 76 00:07:08,020 --> 00:07:09,564 Who's this handsome fella? 77 00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:12,233 Ah, that's Walter Harris, 78 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,694 A.K.A. The Taxidermist. 79 00:07:15,695 --> 00:07:19,615 His specialty was birds. The more exotic, the better. 80 00:07:31,294 --> 00:07:32,962 You know, darling, 81 00:07:33,129 --> 00:07:36,591 you're gonna make somebody a real nice wife. 82 00:07:43,598 --> 00:07:45,349 Cute. 83 00:07:47,310 --> 00:07:49,395 Hmm. 84 00:07:53,608 --> 00:07:55,276 He's a big boy. 85 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,463 Yes, he is. 86 00:07:58,613 --> 00:08:02,909 Broke three of my guards arms, nearly killed the only doctor we had out here. 87 00:08:03,075 --> 00:08:05,870 They call him Rocco the Clown. 88 00:08:06,037 --> 00:08:09,373 Was an underground wrestler until he accidentally killed 89 00:08:09,540 --> 00:08:11,667 one too many opponents in the ring. 90 00:08:22,428 --> 00:08:27,141 They spun it that he was retiring so he could go out undefeated. 91 00:08:27,350 --> 00:08:29,810 Bye bye, Rocco. 92 00:08:30,436 --> 00:08:34,023 And last but not least... 93 00:08:35,942 --> 00:08:37,735 Manuel Dyer. 94 00:08:37,902 --> 00:08:40,171 He prefers Manny the Prophet, 95 00:08:40,321 --> 00:08:43,866 but since he's batshit crazy, we just call him "Mental" Manny. 96 00:08:45,326 --> 00:08:47,078 I've heard of him. 97 00:08:47,245 --> 00:08:50,456 He's responsible for the largest mass-suicide in history. 98 00:08:50,665 --> 00:08:53,267 They tried to cover it up as a giant building fire. 99 00:08:53,417 --> 00:08:57,271 Oh, right a fire. A fire that not one single resident attempted to escape. 100 00:08:57,421 --> 00:09:00,233 We give ourselves to you, oh, Lord. 101 00:09:00,383 --> 00:09:03,010 Ash to ash, we join you again. 102 00:09:03,678 --> 00:09:05,930 Jesus came to me and said, 103 00:09:06,097 --> 00:09:08,574 this is the way to sit beside God. 104 00:09:08,724 --> 00:09:12,019 Burn away our sins, oh, Lord. 105 00:09:32,248 --> 00:09:33,474 Are you all right? 106 00:09:33,624 --> 00:09:35,334 I'm sorry. 107 00:09:35,501 --> 00:09:38,129 Can we take a break from these awful men? 108 00:09:38,296 --> 00:09:39,422 Of course. 109 00:09:39,589 --> 00:09:41,132 Right this way. 110 00:09:41,299 --> 00:09:43,134 You're such a gentleman. 111 00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:07,074 I'm sorry, I just... Got a little overwhelmed. 112 00:10:07,241 --> 00:10:09,577 Well, that's an understandable response. 113 00:10:09,744 --> 00:10:12,096 You shouldn't feel ashamed. 114 00:10:12,246 --> 00:10:15,124 I'm just really hot in here. 115 00:10:16,125 --> 00:10:18,294 Yes, uh... 116 00:10:18,461 --> 00:10:22,381 Well, now that you have seen who... 117 00:10:22,548 --> 00:10:24,550 what we host here, 118 00:10:24,717 --> 00:10:29,280 do you really think it's wise to divulge it to the entire world? 119 00:10:29,430 --> 00:10:33,225 All the inmates in our system should be accounted for, and treated fairly. 120 00:10:33,392 --> 00:10:35,853 - They're still human beings. - Human? 121 00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:38,814 Have you seen anything in here that's even remotely human? 122 00:10:40,441 --> 00:10:43,628 It must be horrible working with such 123 00:10:43,778 --> 00:10:46,489 depraved individuals. 124 00:10:46,656 --> 00:10:50,701 Well, it's a dirty job but someone has to do it. 125 00:10:51,619 --> 00:10:53,537 You poor thing. 126 00:10:53,704 --> 00:10:54,972 Miss Quinn, what, what... 127 00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:56,874 Shh. 128 00:10:57,041 --> 00:10:59,794 I have this little fetish for 129 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,796 men in bow ties. 130 00:11:02,630 --> 00:11:05,883 Ever since I was 131 00:11:06,050 --> 00:11:07,593 a little girl. 132 00:11:16,769 --> 00:11:18,729 Oh... 133 00:11:23,025 --> 00:11:27,113 You are quite the tease, Miss Quinn. 134 00:11:48,092 --> 00:11:52,847 Oh, sugar, is it too... 135 00:12:01,814 --> 00:12:03,315 tight? 136 00:12:11,115 --> 00:12:13,868 Please, please, could somebody help me in here? 137 00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:16,461 Please, please! 138 00:12:35,306 --> 00:12:37,074 You can't be in here. 139 00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:38,809 I'm here for our appointment. 140 00:12:47,651 --> 00:12:50,863 Here's the ball for baby. Nice and round. 141 00:12:51,030 --> 00:12:53,716 Here's baby's hammer, how she likes to pound. 142 00:12:53,866 --> 00:12:58,120 Pound, pound, pound! 143 00:12:58,287 --> 00:12:59,747 Pound! 144 00:13:38,327 --> 00:13:40,079 Daddy. 145 00:13:41,747 --> 00:13:45,584 - How's my little doll face? - Never better. 146 00:14:31,922 --> 00:14:35,217 Ah, the vic was found by the cleaning staff about 30 minutes ago, Sheriff. 147 00:14:35,384 --> 00:14:37,970 It's pretty gruesome in there, just to warn you. 148 00:14:38,137 --> 00:14:39,822 Here's what I think happened, okay? 149 00:14:39,972 --> 00:14:42,349 There's two attackers, disguised as room service, maybe. 150 00:14:42,516 --> 00:14:44,351 They bust in, there's a scuffle here, they're trying to rob her. 151 00:14:44,518 --> 00:14:46,787 There's all this spilled wine. She comes over here, 152 00:14:46,937 --> 00:14:49,523 grabs the scissors to defend herself, tries to stab one of them, 153 00:14:49,690 --> 00:14:51,942 the other grabs the bottle, cracks her over the head. 154 00:14:52,109 --> 00:14:53,569 She falls on the ground dazed. 155 00:14:53,736 --> 00:14:55,546 She's climbing and clawing her way to the bed. 156 00:14:55,696 --> 00:14:57,131 They're walking over her, laughing. 157 00:14:57,281 --> 00:14:58,532 They pin her down. 158 00:14:58,699 --> 00:15:03,095 The one takes the wine bottle, one, two, crack, glass everywhere. 159 00:15:03,245 --> 00:15:05,289 She's screaming, "Oh! My head is bleeding! 160 00:15:05,456 --> 00:15:06,540 You're killing me!" 161 00:15:06,707 --> 00:15:07,933 She falls on one of the shards of glass. 162 00:15:08,083 --> 00:15:12,313 It lodges in her neck, and when she rolls, it slits her throat, and she bleeds out. 163 00:15:12,463 --> 00:15:14,381 That's how she died. 164 00:15:16,634 --> 00:15:20,054 Please dismount the dead body, deputy. 165 00:15:20,721 --> 00:15:24,058 Oh, yeah, um... Just... 166 00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:27,061 You just contaminated the entire crime scene. 167 00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:31,749 Also, are you actually holding the potential murder weapon 168 00:15:31,899 --> 00:15:33,525 without gloves? 169 00:15:35,319 --> 00:15:38,238 Guess who's our prime suspect when we run that for prints, now. 170 00:15:42,618 --> 00:15:45,079 - May I? - Yeah. Yeah. 171 00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:46,956 There was only one attacker. 172 00:15:47,122 --> 00:15:48,791 He or she was already in the room. 173 00:15:48,958 --> 00:15:51,477 There's no sign of struggle or forced entry at the door. 174 00:15:51,627 --> 00:15:56,106 Also, there's no sign of anything missing, so it's clearly not a robbery. 175 00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:57,900 Our victim comes in to enjoy a glass of wine 176 00:15:58,050 --> 00:15:59,902 when the attacker jumps out of the bathroom, 177 00:16:00,052 --> 00:16:02,780 where he or she has been hiding, hence why the door is ajar. 178 00:16:02,930 --> 00:16:07,368 The attacker grabs the bottle of wine, hits our girl over the head. 179 00:16:07,518 --> 00:16:08,852 You were right there. 180 00:16:09,019 --> 00:16:11,772 Our victim is dazed, she puts up a fight, 181 00:16:11,939 --> 00:16:14,274 and the attacker slits her throat. 182 00:16:14,483 --> 00:16:16,443 Right in the aorta. 183 00:16:16,610 --> 00:16:19,947 - Or jugular. - Yeah. Yeah, jugular. 184 00:16:31,667 --> 00:16:33,502 Uh... 185 00:16:33,669 --> 00:16:36,088 Maybe it's a Halloween thing? 186 00:16:38,757 --> 00:16:41,760 Maybe. Do you have a name? 187 00:16:41,927 --> 00:16:43,721 Uh, no. Her ID was missing. 188 00:16:43,887 --> 00:16:46,949 Did you check with the manager? 189 00:16:47,099 --> 00:16:50,769 Yeah, yeah. He speaks a different dialect than I'm used to, 190 00:16:50,936 --> 00:16:53,522 but I'll give it another whirl. 191 00:16:59,403 --> 00:17:01,697 I hate Halloween. 192 00:17:24,386 --> 00:17:26,930 All right. Come on. 193 00:17:27,097 --> 00:17:28,348 You're a grown up. 194 00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:31,160 You've got this, Morgan. You're the man. 195 00:17:31,310 --> 00:17:33,287 Start acting like one. Just ask her out. 196 00:17:33,437 --> 00:17:36,523 Just ask her out. It's no big deal. Huh? Right? 197 00:17:36,690 --> 00:17:37,958 I mean if she says no... 198 00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:41,986 You do work together. So it'll be awkward every time you see her, 199 00:17:42,086 --> 00:17:45,491 - but if she says yes... - Yes! Yes! 200 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,369 If she says yes, then you date for a while, and then she dumps you. 201 00:17:49,578 --> 00:17:52,389 Stop, no. No, you're doing it again. 202 00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:54,166 Don't stop! Don't stop! 203 00:17:55,417 --> 00:17:58,170 Just, okay, look, you're a gentleman. 204 00:17:58,337 --> 00:17:59,588 You're a gentleman. Go up to her. 205 00:17:59,755 --> 00:18:02,299 - Just walk up and say... - God, I love your tits! 206 00:18:02,466 --> 00:18:04,343 Jesus, just walk up and say... 207 00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:06,595 Lick them! Lick my tits! Lick my tits! 208 00:18:06,762 --> 00:18:07,721 Really? 209 00:18:07,930 --> 00:18:09,782 My God, okay. 210 00:18:09,932 --> 00:18:13,811 Just walk up and say, Laurie, I like you, and... 211 00:18:13,977 --> 00:18:15,270 You make my dick so hard. 212 00:18:15,437 --> 00:18:17,648 Okay. I can't do this. 213 00:18:22,945 --> 00:18:24,696 Don't be jealous. 214 00:18:26,490 --> 00:18:27,991 Storage closet? Really? 215 00:18:28,158 --> 00:18:30,852 Yeah. Employees only, baby. 216 00:18:38,210 --> 00:18:39,878 Your favorite customer awaits. 217 00:18:40,045 --> 00:18:41,463 Yay. 218 00:18:49,847 --> 00:18:52,015 You know, you're going to have to give it up sometime. 219 00:18:52,182 --> 00:18:53,809 Why not him? 220 00:18:53,976 --> 00:18:55,661 I bet he'd be gentle. 221 00:18:55,811 --> 00:18:57,855 Maybe even cuddle after. 222 00:18:58,689 --> 00:19:00,791 I am not a virgin. 223 00:19:00,941 --> 00:19:02,442 I don't know why you would think that. 224 00:19:02,609 --> 00:19:06,672 Laurie, my 13-year-old cousin has the same costume. 225 00:19:06,822 --> 00:19:09,908 And even she is more sexually active than you are. 226 00:19:10,075 --> 00:19:12,511 Well, I blame Tinder for that. 227 00:19:12,661 --> 00:19:14,746 And who are you supposed to be? 228 00:19:14,913 --> 00:19:17,558 I'm Sexy Hillary Clinton. 229 00:19:18,708 --> 00:19:23,547 What? You're saying you wouldn't vote for these in 2016? 230 00:19:23,714 --> 00:19:28,010 Wow. Christina, I had no idea you were so into politics. 231 00:19:28,468 --> 00:19:31,013 The mashed potatoes are lukewarm. 232 00:19:31,180 --> 00:19:33,765 The steak tastes like a charred, dirty boot. 233 00:19:33,932 --> 00:19:36,602 And what the hell is it you're wearing? 234 00:19:36,768 --> 00:19:38,520 I'm the Seventh Dr. Who. 235 00:19:38,687 --> 00:19:40,272 - Dr. What? - Dr. Who. 236 00:19:40,439 --> 00:19:42,774 I'm asking you what is the doctor's name. 237 00:19:42,983 --> 00:19:44,693 No, I know what you're asking me, I'm trying to tell you. 238 00:19:44,860 --> 00:19:46,737 Dr. Who. 239 00:19:47,696 --> 00:19:50,824 Now you're just being a smart ass. 240 00:19:50,991 --> 00:19:52,451 Oh, you know, I'll tell you what, Charlie, 241 00:19:52,618 --> 00:19:54,303 I'm gonna take this back to the kitchen, all right, 242 00:19:54,453 --> 00:19:56,997 and we're going to make you, like, a brand-spanking new one. 243 00:19:57,164 --> 00:19:59,082 Okay? No more dirty boot. 244 00:20:01,210 --> 00:20:02,878 Jackass. 245 00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:07,341 I'm Machete, motherfucker. 246 00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:11,094 Well, you look like Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite, if he was into bondage. 247 00:20:11,261 --> 00:20:13,430 And you, what are you? Saturday Night Live's fever? 248 00:20:13,597 --> 00:20:15,641 Wow, you intentionally mess up that reference? 249 00:20:15,807 --> 00:20:18,936 No, I'm dressed up as a real life superhero. 250 00:20:19,102 --> 00:20:21,313 Me. Did you see that game last week? 251 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,398 Yeah, no, you're an intramural football legend. 252 00:20:23,565 --> 00:20:26,485 And what are you, gay Sherlock Holmes? 253 00:20:26,652 --> 00:20:28,320 Peace offering. 254 00:20:30,030 --> 00:20:32,574 I need a Charlie special. 255 00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:46,255 There you go. 256 00:20:47,756 --> 00:20:50,901 Jesus came back from the dead quicker than this plate. 257 00:20:51,051 --> 00:20:52,594 Sorry. 258 00:21:05,691 --> 00:21:07,526 Enjoy. 259 00:21:09,403 --> 00:21:11,947 - Thank you. - Thank you. 260 00:21:16,660 --> 00:21:19,204 Do we really need five people waiting on Charlie? 261 00:21:19,371 --> 00:21:22,124 - No, we can let Jason do it. - Shh. 262 00:21:22,291 --> 00:21:24,918 Tonight is opening night at the Macon County Funhouse, 263 00:21:25,085 --> 00:21:27,045 a haunted attraction that has caused some controversy 264 00:21:27,212 --> 00:21:29,548 in recent weeks drawing from local urban legends. 265 00:21:29,756 --> 00:21:33,844 One maze is actually based on Manuel Dyer’s mass suicide 10 years ago. 266 00:21:34,011 --> 00:21:37,514 Is this in poor taste, or just good old-fashioned spooky fun? 267 00:21:37,681 --> 00:21:40,309 Either way, fun starts tonight at 9:00 P.M. 268 00:21:40,475 --> 00:21:41,810 Back to you, Jack. 269 00:21:42,936 --> 00:21:46,440 It's just a bunch of right-wing a-holes trying to shut down our Halloween fun. 270 00:21:46,606 --> 00:21:49,626 But if these are based on real crimes, those people could have families around here. 271 00:21:49,776 --> 00:21:52,504 What if the ghosts of the cult are lurking in the halls? 272 00:21:52,654 --> 00:21:54,406 - Oh, my God, we have to go. - I'm in. 273 00:21:54,573 --> 00:21:56,283 I'm taking the trash out. 274 00:21:56,450 --> 00:21:58,994 Fine, we won't go. 275 00:21:59,703 --> 00:22:03,332 Then you two can just hang out together. Alone. 276 00:22:05,459 --> 00:22:07,377 I'm down to hang out if you want to. 277 00:22:07,544 --> 00:22:09,212 We can do that, we can hang out. 278 00:22:09,379 --> 00:22:11,465 Just the... no, we don't have to. 279 00:22:11,631 --> 00:22:13,133 It's not... 280 00:22:13,300 --> 00:22:14,968 I didn't say no. 281 00:22:15,135 --> 00:22:16,737 No, I know. I was just saying. 282 00:22:16,887 --> 00:22:19,056 Like, in case you didn't want to. 283 00:22:19,222 --> 00:22:20,724 I didn't want to assume or any... 284 00:22:20,891 --> 00:22:22,484 Just... what? Forget it. 285 00:22:24,853 --> 00:22:26,980 What? 286 00:22:27,147 --> 00:22:29,608 - I lost my boner. - I'm gonna kill you. 287 00:22:29,775 --> 00:22:31,835 At this rate, you won't get a handsy until you're 87. 288 00:22:31,985 --> 00:22:34,213 Yeah, and you're going to have herpes for the 87th time. 289 00:22:34,363 --> 00:22:36,323 Yeah, he has herpes. 290 00:22:38,325 --> 00:22:39,785 You can only get it once. 291 00:22:41,620 --> 00:22:43,246 I don't have herpes. 292 00:22:51,922 --> 00:22:53,673 Come on, guys. 293 00:23:36,925 --> 00:23:39,177 You hit me in the head with a can of creamed corn. 294 00:23:39,344 --> 00:23:40,762 Well, you snuck up behind me in the dark. 295 00:23:40,929 --> 00:23:42,472 - What do you expect? - Oh, come on. 296 00:23:42,639 --> 00:23:44,850 It's all in the spirit of Hallow's Eve cheer. 297 00:23:45,016 --> 00:23:47,744 Speaking of which, Gerardo's going to take us to the fun house. 298 00:23:47,894 --> 00:23:49,204 You guys should come with. 299 00:23:49,354 --> 00:23:51,273 What? I can't fit everybody. 300 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,984 Uh, you drive a Ford Ranger, Gerardo. 301 00:23:54,151 --> 00:23:55,961 Okay, it's the largest of the compact trucks. 302 00:23:56,111 --> 00:23:58,547 Fine, if you can fit in the back. 303 00:23:58,697 --> 00:24:00,991 I have to keep the inside clean for Rosalina. 304 00:24:01,158 --> 00:24:03,952 Listen, we're in. We've just got to get these two pussies to go. 305 00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:05,620 I didn't say that I wouldn't. 306 00:24:05,787 --> 00:24:07,330 - Oh, come on, guys. - If you didn't want to go... 307 00:24:07,497 --> 00:24:10,600 Guy, come on, it's not like the funhouse is positioned 308 00:24:10,750 --> 00:24:14,796 creepily in the middle of nowhere with only a broken down asylum nearby. 309 00:24:14,963 --> 00:24:19,009 Haunted by the ghosts of its dead, deranged inmates. 310 00:24:19,176 --> 00:24:20,552 What's there to be afraid of? Come on. 311 00:24:20,719 --> 00:24:23,805 - Everything that you just said. - Mm-hmm. 312 00:24:25,307 --> 00:24:27,476 Woo! 313 00:24:27,642 --> 00:24:29,269 Let's go, come on! 314 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,105 Let's do it! 315 00:24:33,523 --> 00:24:36,151 Will somebody bring me my check? 316 00:24:41,531 --> 00:24:43,550 Everything set up like we planned? 317 00:24:43,700 --> 00:24:46,077 Yes, Daddy. 318 00:24:46,244 --> 00:24:49,498 Then let's give the boys a tour of their new playground. 319 00:25:07,516 --> 00:25:09,559 Maybe the news is right. 320 00:25:09,809 --> 00:25:13,188 I mean, this whole thing feels a little exploitative. 321 00:25:14,648 --> 00:25:16,983 You think our customers are gonna care that our theme 322 00:25:17,150 --> 00:25:19,110 is too realistically violent? 323 00:25:19,277 --> 00:25:21,922 That's like getting mad that porn has too much real sex in it. 324 00:25:22,072 --> 00:25:24,282 And that "bad press" is only helping us. 325 00:25:24,449 --> 00:25:27,244 #getkilledinmacontonight is twittering on the Tweezer. 326 00:25:27,410 --> 00:25:29,246 Who cares if someone's feelings get hurt? 327 00:25:29,412 --> 00:25:31,014 Tweezer is not a thing. 328 00:25:31,164 --> 00:25:32,958 What about your electric fence? 329 00:25:33,208 --> 00:25:36,545 I don't want any punk kids trying to sneak in for free. 330 00:25:36,711 --> 00:25:39,339 Pay, or don't play. 331 00:25:46,555 --> 00:25:48,615 Oh, my God! 332 00:25:48,765 --> 00:25:50,283 I see the animatronics work. 333 00:25:50,433 --> 00:25:51,993 Hope you didn't shit your pants there, Walt. 334 00:25:52,143 --> 00:25:54,354 You still got seven hours on my clock, let's go. 335 00:26:04,990 --> 00:26:07,075 Weed! 336 00:26:22,716 --> 00:26:26,428 Hey, that's some expensive shit. 337 00:26:29,764 --> 00:26:31,099 I was done with it. 338 00:26:45,822 --> 00:26:48,074 Fucking Dennis double booked us. 339 00:27:32,619 --> 00:27:34,537 Wait... 340 00:27:34,704 --> 00:27:36,831 No. 341 00:27:36,998 --> 00:27:40,168 No! This is wrong! 342 00:27:40,335 --> 00:27:42,587 Look at these portions! 343 00:27:42,754 --> 00:27:45,632 I didn't run a goddamn Cheesecake Factory! 344 00:27:50,095 --> 00:27:53,390 These aren't even taxidermist tools. 345 00:28:01,690 --> 00:28:03,817 Sorry, friends. 346 00:28:03,983 --> 00:28:06,194 I got a new flock now. 347 00:28:16,246 --> 00:28:19,082 Un-freaking-believable. 348 00:28:19,249 --> 00:28:20,875 On the biggest night of my life, 349 00:28:21,042 --> 00:28:23,461 and you guys are getting wacky with the illegal paraphernalia. 350 00:28:23,628 --> 00:28:25,672 Does this look like Colorado to you? 351 00:28:25,839 --> 00:28:27,816 Do I look like John Freaking Denver? 352 00:28:29,384 --> 00:28:31,469 You trying to get me arrested, guys? 353 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:35,448 Nobody's gonna get arrested. It's basically legal everywhere. 354 00:28:35,598 --> 00:28:37,350 Not in my workplace. 355 00:28:37,517 --> 00:28:40,161 Not now, not ever. 356 00:28:40,311 --> 00:28:42,162 Now listen, you guys better pull your shit... 357 00:28:42,306 --> 00:28:44,816 Whoa! That's a hot mic. My apologies. 358 00:28:45,066 --> 00:28:47,026 Listen! Handle this! 359 00:28:48,486 --> 00:28:51,339 Uh... guys... 360 00:28:51,489 --> 00:28:53,116 You should all get back to... 361 00:28:53,616 --> 00:28:56,995 Aw, fuck it. Let me hit that thing. 362 00:28:58,913 --> 00:29:01,416 My fellow maniacs, all we wanted was 363 00:29:01,624 --> 00:29:04,335 for our grim art to be seen by the world. 364 00:29:04,502 --> 00:29:07,147 But they shunned us, locked us away, 365 00:29:07,297 --> 00:29:11,301 and now they have the gall to profit off what they fear. 366 00:29:12,719 --> 00:29:16,639 I don't know what Dennis told you, but I'm the Stitchface Killer tonight. 367 00:29:18,141 --> 00:29:20,643 And your make-up looks terrible. 368 00:29:22,687 --> 00:29:25,982 I'm giving you a second chance to go down in history 369 00:29:26,149 --> 00:29:29,527 as the most deranged sons and daughters of bitches 370 00:29:29,694 --> 00:29:31,738 this world has ever seen. 371 00:29:33,740 --> 00:29:36,217 No-one will ever forget our names. 372 00:29:36,367 --> 00:29:40,221 We will be the fuel to their nightmares forever. 373 00:29:40,371 --> 00:29:44,751 I think I'm gonna put you in the Heisman pose. 374 00:29:46,961 --> 00:29:50,131 I wonder where that other ass clown went. 375 00:29:53,593 --> 00:29:56,070 Oh, what the fuck! 376 00:30:09,025 --> 00:30:11,402 So tonight we're going to play a little game. 377 00:30:11,569 --> 00:30:13,530 What the hell do you think you're doing, Daniel Day Lewis? 378 00:30:13,696 --> 00:30:17,075 This P.A. system is for announcements and emergencies only, not... 379 00:30:18,910 --> 00:30:20,453 Hey, I didn't hire you. 380 00:30:20,620 --> 00:30:22,580 Who the hell are you? 381 00:30:22,747 --> 00:30:24,582 Well, you don't know me. 382 00:30:24,749 --> 00:30:27,210 But I'm pretty sure you know her. 383 00:30:29,712 --> 00:30:31,589 Eileen? 384 00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:34,425 Hey, listen, man, if you're her ex or something, 385 00:30:34,592 --> 00:30:36,594 it didn't mean anything. We were just fuckbuddies, okay? 386 00:30:36,845 --> 00:30:39,656 That's not a very nice way to talk about my daughter. 387 00:30:39,806 --> 00:30:41,891 Your daugh... 388 00:30:42,058 --> 00:30:44,519 Hey, uh... listen, pal, 389 00:30:44,686 --> 00:30:47,146 I'm sure you're probably not feeling good about the fact 390 00:30:47,313 --> 00:30:48,731 that you couldn't keep her off the pole. 391 00:30:48,898 --> 00:30:50,834 That girl's got issues, okay? 392 00:30:50,984 --> 00:30:53,753 But this is a big night for me, I built this place from the ground up. 393 00:30:53,903 --> 00:30:56,739 - And I'll be goddamned... - Your ego is astounding. 394 00:30:58,032 --> 00:30:59,718 You think all this was your idea? 395 00:30:59,868 --> 00:31:01,494 Damn straight. 396 00:31:02,370 --> 00:31:04,639 My little Eileen and I have been planning this for quite some time. 397 00:31:04,789 --> 00:31:08,585 You were just a puppet, and she pulled just the right strings to ensure 398 00:31:08,751 --> 00:31:11,588 that you created the perfect forum for our return. 399 00:31:18,845 --> 00:31:21,014 Sadly, Pinocchio, 400 00:31:21,180 --> 00:31:23,641 we no longer have any use for you. 401 00:31:28,187 --> 00:31:30,415 I hope you like lawsuits. 402 00:31:30,565 --> 00:31:33,234 'Cause I'm gonna sue the shit out of you. 403 00:31:42,201 --> 00:31:43,786 Where was I? 404 00:31:47,081 --> 00:31:51,644 Aw, yes. Daddy has lots of presents for you tonight, 405 00:31:51,794 --> 00:31:55,798 so, just like Christmas, feel free to rip them open. 406 00:32:39,884 --> 00:32:42,553 This girl used to kill popular kids at school. 407 00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:44,880 She used to stitch their eyeballs! 408 00:32:46,140 --> 00:32:47,892 - She did! - No, she didn't. 409 00:32:48,059 --> 00:32:49,352 What was her name? What was her name? You remember. 410 00:32:49,519 --> 00:32:50,770 - Her name is Stitchface. - There it is. 411 00:32:50,937 --> 00:32:52,480 - My God! - That's right. 412 00:32:52,647 --> 00:32:56,584 My brother's best friend's sister's cousin knew one of the kids that went missing. 413 00:32:56,734 --> 00:33:00,154 There are so many degrees of separation in that. 414 00:33:00,363 --> 00:33:02,423 So Stitchface, she's up in Statesville too, huh? 415 00:33:02,573 --> 00:33:05,493 Some say there are dozens of criminally insane 416 00:33:05,660 --> 00:33:07,745 patients still up at Statesville. 417 00:33:07,912 --> 00:33:10,373 - Randall and I have been there 100 times. - It was like, two times. 418 00:33:10,540 --> 00:33:13,918 And I'll tell you, it's more surveiled than Morgan's internet history. 419 00:33:14,085 --> 00:33:16,671 Okay, my cousin's Larry's uncle's best friend... 420 00:33:16,879 --> 00:33:18,214 You're such... shut up! 421 00:33:18,381 --> 00:33:21,526 Okay, knew a guy who disappeared. 422 00:33:21,676 --> 00:33:23,011 Oh, my God. 423 00:33:23,177 --> 00:33:26,681 Well, I don't know about you guys, but so far this traffic jam ride's pretty sweet. 424 00:33:26,889 --> 00:33:28,891 - Yeah. - Gerardo! 425 00:33:30,893 --> 00:33:32,745 - Why are we not moving? - Shut up! 426 00:33:32,895 --> 00:33:34,731 Woo! 427 00:33:43,740 --> 00:33:44,699 I hate Halloween. 428 00:33:44,866 --> 00:33:46,451 Why? 429 00:33:46,617 --> 00:33:48,619 Because you always send us to the same cheesy haunted houses. 430 00:33:48,786 --> 00:33:52,390 Play the same 12 pop songs to the same annoying pre-pubescents. 431 00:33:52,540 --> 00:33:54,142 That's why we should get into podcasts. 432 00:33:54,292 --> 00:33:55,835 Nobody listens to the radio anymore. 433 00:33:56,002 --> 00:33:57,395 Why don't you partner with my nephew, who's 10? 434 00:33:57,545 --> 00:33:59,714 Come on, we're partners. We're Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. 435 00:33:59,881 --> 00:34:01,382 We're as dead as they are on radio. 436 00:34:01,549 --> 00:34:02,925 - Can I... - Hi. 437 00:34:03,092 --> 00:34:04,761 Help you two gents? 438 00:34:04,927 --> 00:34:07,488 - Uh, I'm Bob. - And I'm Dave. 439 00:34:07,638 --> 00:34:10,224 We're Dr. Dave and Mr. Bob. 440 00:34:10,433 --> 00:34:12,410 - Senor Bob. - Whatever. 441 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:16,272 We're the DJs from WKDE, and we're here to cover the opening. 442 00:34:16,439 --> 00:34:19,025 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. 443 00:34:19,192 --> 00:34:21,903 You're the two guys from that morning radio show. 444 00:34:22,070 --> 00:34:23,988 Well, yeah. We used to be. 445 00:34:24,155 --> 00:34:27,241 - About 15 years ago. - 17. 446 00:34:27,408 --> 00:34:29,093 Oh, yeah. 447 00:34:29,243 --> 00:34:32,288 It's been a while since I could listen to the radio. 448 00:34:32,455 --> 00:34:34,123 Is that, uh... 449 00:34:34,874 --> 00:34:36,793 Yeah, well, can't say I blame you. 450 00:34:37,043 --> 00:34:38,770 I wouldn't listen to us either if I didn't have to. 451 00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:42,340 Yeah. Uh, amigo, you got a little, um... 452 00:34:42,507 --> 00:34:44,943 flavor saver right... 453 00:34:45,093 --> 00:34:46,177 Right there, yeah. Huh? 454 00:34:46,344 --> 00:34:49,347 - Yeah. - Yeah. 455 00:34:49,514 --> 00:34:50,723 Oh, yeah. 456 00:34:50,890 --> 00:34:53,768 Oh, no, don't... 457 00:34:53,935 --> 00:34:56,996 No, don't do that. 458 00:34:57,146 --> 00:34:59,023 Okay! Okay. 459 00:34:59,190 --> 00:35:01,359 - Okay, you got it. - Got it. You did it. 460 00:35:01,526 --> 00:35:03,861 Uh, listen, uh... 461 00:35:04,028 --> 00:35:06,823 I'll just tell my guys to bring the trucks back to... 462 00:35:07,073 --> 00:35:08,825 Back of the beard... back of the building. 463 00:35:08,991 --> 00:35:12,778 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The stage is right in the center. 464 00:35:12,945 --> 00:35:14,247 That's great. 465 00:35:14,413 --> 00:35:16,307 - Super, thank you. - All right. 466 00:35:16,457 --> 00:35:18,960 - Bon appetit. - All right. Nice guy. 467 00:35:19,127 --> 00:35:20,628 Dr. Dave. 468 00:35:49,115 --> 00:35:50,533 Welcome. 469 00:35:50,700 --> 00:35:53,161 Oh. Free to the clergy. 470 00:35:57,999 --> 00:35:59,667 Well, I don't know about you, Bob, but it looks like 471 00:35:59,834 --> 00:36:02,628 a killer scene tonight here at the Macon County Funhouse 472 00:36:02,795 --> 00:36:04,547 on the Land of Illusion stage. 473 00:36:04,714 --> 00:36:05,982 That is right, Dr. Dave. 474 00:36:06,132 --> 00:36:09,193 People are literally losing their heads to get in here tonight. 475 00:36:09,343 --> 00:36:10,278 It's crazy. 476 00:36:10,428 --> 00:36:12,930 I hope you mean that figuratively, Bob. Otherwise, I'm making a run for it. 477 00:36:13,097 --> 00:36:14,515 I'll be right behind you. 478 00:36:14,682 --> 00:36:17,727 Stand here, please. Thank you. 479 00:36:20,646 --> 00:36:22,940 As I've always said, folks, quit while you're ahead. 480 00:36:23,107 --> 00:36:24,609 - Absolutely. - While you have a head. 481 00:36:24,775 --> 00:36:27,028 Perfectly said. Quit while you're giving... 482 00:36:27,236 --> 00:36:28,487 No, we can't go there. 483 00:36:32,992 --> 00:36:35,745 I've never been here but I don't like... 484 00:36:40,917 --> 00:36:42,210 Welcome! 485 00:36:43,336 --> 00:36:46,005 You'll not escape this park! 486 00:36:49,008 --> 00:36:51,469 I'm totally Instagramming this. 487 00:36:55,223 --> 00:36:56,933 We may need crowd control. 488 00:36:57,183 --> 00:37:00,102 I haven't seen a line like this since that Justin Bieber concert. 489 00:37:00,269 --> 00:37:02,271 - Are you a Bieber fan? - I'm not a Belieber, Bob. 490 00:37:02,438 --> 00:37:03,439 - Okay. - Not a Belieber. 491 00:37:03,981 --> 00:37:05,691 You go first, Robbie. 492 00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:08,152 I'm not scared. 493 00:37:17,411 --> 00:37:19,163 Where's Robbie? 494 00:37:19,330 --> 00:37:20,598 He's probably outside waiting for us. 495 00:37:20,748 --> 00:37:22,333 The haunted hayride is the same thing. 496 00:37:22,500 --> 00:37:24,085 #besthauntedhouseever. 497 00:37:24,252 --> 00:37:26,170 #ourfriendgotkidnappedbykillers! 498 00:37:26,337 --> 00:37:29,357 #longesthashtagever. 499 00:37:29,507 --> 00:37:32,527 Uh, don't forget, folks, you bring six two liter bottles of Shasta, 500 00:37:32,677 --> 00:37:35,263 - what do they get, Bob? - You get $5 off the entry fee. 501 00:37:35,471 --> 00:37:37,115 That's right, folks. Cashta for your Shasta. 502 00:37:37,265 --> 00:37:39,158 You'll be saving an arm and a leg. 503 00:37:39,308 --> 00:37:40,518 Okay. 504 00:37:40,685 --> 00:37:42,203 I tell you what, we're going to take a little break here, 505 00:37:42,353 --> 00:37:44,080 and we'll be back in a few minutes. 506 00:37:44,230 --> 00:37:46,707 Keep on having a good time there, Macon county. 507 00:37:46,857 --> 00:37:48,776 That is not a good deal, Bob. 508 00:37:52,571 --> 00:37:55,116 Getting off in 40 minutes. 509 00:37:57,660 --> 00:37:59,996 Oh, where you going, Danny Lame-o? 510 00:38:01,664 --> 00:38:03,975 This place is too scary for me. 511 00:38:04,125 --> 00:38:07,128 Besides, only white people like this shit. 512 00:38:07,295 --> 00:38:09,630 Hey, how are we gonna get home? 513 00:38:11,424 --> 00:38:14,093 There are a lot of white people. 514 00:38:15,386 --> 00:38:17,513 Jesus Christ. 515 00:38:27,648 --> 00:38:31,085 Okay, please tell me that he licked his lips at all of you, not just me? 516 00:38:34,196 --> 00:38:35,865 We're in. We're in, baby! 517 00:38:36,032 --> 00:38:38,659 Adorbs. Who's protecting you? 518 00:38:40,745 --> 00:38:42,288 Why are you friends with her? 519 00:38:42,455 --> 00:38:44,457 We work together. 520 00:38:44,623 --> 00:38:46,792 Just such a cunt. 521 00:38:59,597 --> 00:39:02,308 No way you live, no way. 522 00:39:02,475 --> 00:39:04,643 Oh, got you, top hat. 523 00:39:04,810 --> 00:39:06,204 Yeah. 524 00:39:06,354 --> 00:39:09,457 Picked the wrong sheriff's deputy to mess with. 525 00:39:09,607 --> 00:39:14,045 Got you dead to rights, brown jacket guy with weird hair. 526 00:39:14,195 --> 00:39:16,947 Ooh, trick shot. Nobody can stop me. 527 00:39:17,114 --> 00:39:19,200 I'm unstoppable. 528 00:39:19,467 --> 00:39:22,036 Like Jesse James. 529 00:39:22,244 --> 00:39:24,472 Macon County Sheriff's Office, Deputy Doyle speaking. 530 00:39:24,622 --> 00:39:25,556 They killed my friend! 531 00:39:25,706 --> 00:39:27,416 There's blood everywhere, please help! 532 00:39:27,583 --> 00:39:29,477 Yeah! Oh, yeah, Um... 533 00:39:29,627 --> 00:39:31,896 Just, sorry, one second. 534 00:39:32,046 --> 00:39:33,648 You called the right place. Um... 535 00:39:33,798 --> 00:39:36,108 Please just try to remain calm. 536 00:39:36,258 --> 00:39:39,595 Uh, police are coming. Where are you? 537 00:39:39,762 --> 00:39:41,155 I'm at the Macon County Funhouse 538 00:39:41,305 --> 00:39:42,723 Someone killed my friend! 539 00:39:42,890 --> 00:39:44,683 Okay. Did you get a good look at the killer? 540 00:39:44,850 --> 00:39:47,620 She looked like your mom last night! 541 00:39:47,770 --> 00:39:51,065 What? That doesn't even make any sense. 542 00:39:51,232 --> 00:39:53,234 That's what she said. 543 00:39:53,401 --> 00:39:55,361 That makes even less sense than what you just said. 544 00:39:55,528 --> 00:39:57,530 This line is for emergencies only, okay? 545 00:39:57,696 --> 00:39:59,782 I have called ID. If you call back, your butt will be arrested. 546 00:39:59,949 --> 00:40:01,175 I can trace you. 547 00:40:01,325 --> 00:40:03,035 My butt? Who talks like that? 548 00:40:03,202 --> 00:40:06,847 Who... The Law. The Law is who talks like that. 549 00:40:06,997 --> 00:40:09,250 Okay? I am the Law. 550 00:40:12,420 --> 00:40:15,273 Not gonna let one bad apple sour my night. 551 00:40:15,423 --> 00:40:19,009 No! Really? 552 00:40:20,136 --> 00:40:22,680 I was on level 48. 553 00:40:40,364 --> 00:40:42,842 Oh, dude, why do you think we like this so much? 554 00:40:42,992 --> 00:40:46,928 Uh, obviously it's the high of fight or flight adrenalin... 555 00:40:49,123 --> 00:40:50,791 Help me! 556 00:40:50,958 --> 00:40:52,668 Please! 557 00:40:52,835 --> 00:40:55,062 Why, what's happening? 558 00:41:02,928 --> 00:41:07,016 Oh, they gotta cast some better actors, because you suck, dude! You suck. 559 00:41:10,102 --> 00:41:13,471 No! Oh, God, ah! 560 00:41:19,737 --> 00:41:21,213 I don't want to go first, I don't want to go first. 561 00:41:21,363 --> 00:41:23,532 I don't want to go first, ah! 562 00:41:23,699 --> 00:41:25,701 Stop it. 563 00:41:29,246 --> 00:41:30,581 I feel like they're real. 564 00:41:30,831 --> 00:41:33,000 I feel like they're going to jump out. 565 00:41:33,167 --> 00:41:36,128 - Why are we in the front? - I don't know. 566 00:41:36,295 --> 00:41:37,938 - Oh, look at his... - That's gross. 567 00:41:38,088 --> 00:41:39,757 That's awful! 568 00:41:51,852 --> 00:41:53,229 Come on, man. 569 00:41:55,564 --> 00:41:57,816 I'm Vining this. 570 00:41:59,944 --> 00:42:02,530 Help me! Help me, please! 571 00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:04,657 Christina, come on! 572 00:42:04,823 --> 00:42:06,617 Oh, oh! 573 00:42:09,578 --> 00:42:13,791 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! That's amazing. 574 00:42:15,334 --> 00:42:17,461 That's amazing, dude, did you see that? 575 00:42:17,628 --> 00:42:19,338 Get some of that shit. 576 00:42:21,131 --> 00:42:22,900 You're doing good. 577 00:42:26,345 --> 00:42:27,888 - Go, go, go. - No. 578 00:42:29,390 --> 00:42:32,393 Sadly, this place is less depressing than my actual high school. 579 00:42:32,601 --> 00:42:34,103 Oh, God! 580 00:42:38,691 --> 00:42:40,985 Oh, my God, this looks so real. 581 00:42:41,151 --> 00:42:42,128 It's probably pig intestine. 582 00:42:42,278 --> 00:42:43,671 It's what they use in Day of the Dead. 583 00:42:43,821 --> 00:42:45,381 How do you know that? 584 00:42:45,531 --> 00:42:50,452 Uh, I'll take weed and Wikipedia instead of paying for college for 500, Mr. Trebek. 585 00:42:54,456 --> 00:42:56,417 Get away! Get away from me! 586 00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:08,012 - Jason, stop! - I'm coming, I'm coming. 587 00:43:16,020 --> 00:43:17,563 Oh, dude. 588 00:43:17,771 --> 00:43:19,273 There's got to be something there, for sure. 589 00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:20,566 Yeah. 590 00:43:29,658 --> 00:43:32,620 Shit, that looks so real. 591 00:43:32,786 --> 00:43:34,722 Her neck literally slit open. 592 00:43:34,872 --> 00:43:36,415 That other one's fucking hot. 593 00:43:48,260 --> 00:43:50,387 That was awesome! 594 00:43:53,265 --> 00:43:54,658 Can you help me find a bathroom? 595 00:43:54,808 --> 00:43:56,894 - Hell, yes. - Wow, real subtle. 596 00:43:57,645 --> 00:43:59,605 I'm sorry, was that too subtle for your virgin ears? 597 00:43:59,772 --> 00:44:00,706 We're gonna go fuck. 598 00:44:00,856 --> 00:44:02,691 Go find a funnel cake or something. 599 00:44:04,485 --> 00:44:06,153 Funnel cake. Uh-huh. 600 00:44:08,364 --> 00:44:10,366 And then there were two. 601 00:44:13,744 --> 00:44:15,429 Um... 602 00:44:15,579 --> 00:44:17,414 Do you ring toss? 603 00:44:18,791 --> 00:44:21,001 Well, not like professionally. 604 00:44:21,168 --> 00:44:23,754 I don't think I know anyone who does that professionally. 605 00:44:23,921 --> 00:44:25,673 Oh, no? 606 00:44:25,881 --> 00:44:29,968 My cousin's brother's sister knows a guy. 607 00:44:30,135 --> 00:44:32,805 Oh, who's best friends with the national champion... 608 00:44:51,990 --> 00:44:53,742 Fresh security guard. 609 00:44:54,827 --> 00:44:56,578 Sashimi grade. 610 00:44:57,663 --> 00:44:59,456 Philistine. 611 00:45:02,376 --> 00:45:05,604 Mami, I thought you said you were getting off work soon. 612 00:45:05,754 --> 00:45:08,173 I know, I'm ready for you. 613 00:45:08,340 --> 00:45:10,526 You got more patients? 614 00:45:10,676 --> 00:45:14,738 You know I'm going to be your only patient tonight. 615 00:45:14,888 --> 00:45:18,684 No, no, of course I'm ready. 616 00:45:18,851 --> 00:45:21,228 No, I can't go to your place. 617 00:45:21,395 --> 00:45:23,689 You know your cat hates me. 618 00:45:23,856 --> 00:45:27,025 I'm also a little allergic to cats, I told you. 619 00:45:27,192 --> 00:45:30,612 Oh, I'm not allergic to that cat, baby. 620 00:45:36,827 --> 00:45:38,662 In 30, 35 minutes? 621 00:45:39,955 --> 00:45:41,582 What? 622 00:45:41,749 --> 00:45:44,084 Okay, fine, okay. 623 00:45:45,586 --> 00:45:47,296 Tell me what to do. 624 00:46:12,112 --> 00:46:14,281 No, the big one, the big one. 625 00:46:21,330 --> 00:46:23,040 Was that girl hotter than me? 626 00:46:23,207 --> 00:46:24,917 - Of course not. - That's what I thought. 627 00:46:28,128 --> 00:46:30,839 Hey, don't let that touch the ground. 628 00:46:31,089 --> 00:46:33,300 I'm not gonna put that back on now. 629 00:46:34,468 --> 00:46:36,762 Okay. Oh, yeah. 630 00:46:51,485 --> 00:46:53,212 You hear something? 631 00:46:53,362 --> 00:46:56,615 Of course I heard something. We're in a haunted funhouse. 632 00:46:57,741 --> 00:46:59,993 - Don't be silly. - Sorry. 633 00:47:01,995 --> 00:47:04,206 Oh, yeah! Oh, to the left. 634 00:47:04,456 --> 00:47:05,749 Left, left, left. No, no, no, the right. 635 00:47:05,916 --> 00:47:07,543 A little bit. Yeah. 636 00:47:07,793 --> 00:47:09,711 Right there, right there, right there. 637 00:47:09,878 --> 00:47:12,548 God! You suck at this. 638 00:47:12,798 --> 00:47:14,049 Come here. 639 00:47:16,426 --> 00:47:18,512 - Sorry! - Oh, yeah. 640 00:47:19,596 --> 00:47:20,572 Call me a superhero. 641 00:47:20,722 --> 00:47:23,250 Superhero! Oh, yeah! 642 00:47:26,353 --> 00:47:28,188 Oh, my God! 643 00:47:31,692 --> 00:47:33,318 I got a cramp, I got a cramp. 644 00:47:33,485 --> 00:47:35,320 Okay, yeah. 645 00:47:39,408 --> 00:47:42,386 Call me Mr. President. Call me Mr. President. 646 00:48:00,387 --> 00:48:02,431 Yeah, off the forehead. 647 00:48:03,599 --> 00:48:05,475 Oh, come on. 648 00:48:14,484 --> 00:48:17,321 Let me guess. Your friend's been murdered at the funhouse. 649 00:48:17,487 --> 00:48:19,939 They're coming after me now. 650 00:48:21,491 --> 00:48:24,368 Wow, that was actually pretty realistic. 651 00:48:32,961 --> 00:48:35,505 Why don't you freshen up? I'll go get us a corn dog. 652 00:48:35,672 --> 00:48:38,091 I think I've had enough meat for one night. 653 00:48:38,258 --> 00:48:39,801 You want a beer, then? 654 00:48:39,968 --> 00:48:42,012 Does it look like I drink beer? 655 00:48:42,179 --> 00:48:44,765 Well, does it look like they have skinny margaritas? 656 00:48:51,605 --> 00:48:54,107 Do you think they've ever had sex in a non-public place? 657 00:48:55,233 --> 00:48:57,235 Nope. They're shameless. 658 00:48:57,569 --> 00:49:00,322 But I get sometimes how the danger element can be fun. 659 00:49:00,489 --> 00:49:02,324 Don't you think? 660 00:49:02,491 --> 00:49:06,153 No. No, I get nervous peeing at the diner. 661 00:49:08,455 --> 00:49:10,290 Okay. 662 00:49:13,502 --> 00:49:15,253 So, um... 663 00:49:16,088 --> 00:49:18,423 Have you ever had sex in a public place? 664 00:49:18,590 --> 00:49:20,342 Oh. 665 00:49:20,509 --> 00:49:22,344 - Maybe. - Yeah? 666 00:49:22,511 --> 00:49:24,930 But I usually save the sex talk for the third date. 667 00:49:25,097 --> 00:49:26,974 So... 668 00:49:27,140 --> 00:49:28,475 Finally got one. 669 00:49:28,642 --> 00:49:32,904 So, which date is this? 670 00:49:37,609 --> 00:49:39,611 I'm sorry, what? 671 00:49:44,658 --> 00:49:46,343 Uh... 672 00:49:46,493 --> 00:49:49,121 I was just saying that it's your turn. 673 00:49:54,251 --> 00:49:55,627 ...just like all my favorite stuff. 674 00:49:55,794 --> 00:49:58,422 Um, what about liquid nitrogen? 675 00:50:00,173 --> 00:50:05,762 Walt Disney, the T-1000, and, uh, semen. 676 00:50:05,929 --> 00:50:07,597 That's the weirdest conversation I've ever heard. 677 00:50:07,764 --> 00:50:08,807 Always. 678 00:50:08,974 --> 00:50:10,308 - Hey. - Here he is. 679 00:50:10,475 --> 00:50:11,810 That was fast. 680 00:50:11,977 --> 00:50:13,562 That's what your mom said last night. 681 00:50:13,729 --> 00:50:15,230 Oh! 682 00:50:15,397 --> 00:50:16,748 Not a good thing, if she said that. 683 00:50:16,898 --> 00:50:20,444 It was a good thing when she said it to me, because I was still inside. 684 00:50:20,610 --> 00:50:22,654 Oh, double down the mom joke. 685 00:50:22,821 --> 00:50:24,322 You never stop. 686 00:50:24,489 --> 00:50:26,425 I won't stop. Not until she tells me to stop. 687 00:50:26,575 --> 00:50:28,368 - There's a hat trick. - I'm hitting it right. 688 00:50:28,535 --> 00:50:31,329 Oh, come on, guys. 689 00:50:52,449 --> 00:50:54,368 Jeez. 690 00:50:54,728 --> 00:50:57,689 Someone takes their job a little too seriously. 691 00:50:59,316 --> 00:51:02,527 What are you gonna do? Cut me with that? 692 00:51:05,155 --> 00:51:08,533 Okay, isn't this a timeout zone for the freak show? 693 00:51:14,706 --> 00:51:16,249 Crazy bitch! 694 00:51:17,667 --> 00:51:19,586 You cut my face! 695 00:51:28,762 --> 00:51:30,388 She should be here by now. 696 00:51:30,555 --> 00:51:31,723 Maybe she got lost. 697 00:51:31,890 --> 00:51:33,558 This place is literally a maze. 698 00:51:33,725 --> 00:51:35,644 Yeah, you guys are right. 699 00:51:35,811 --> 00:51:38,313 We should definitely split up and go look for her. 700 00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:41,416 Yeah, especially if there's some candy apples on the way. 701 00:51:41,566 --> 00:51:43,502 It's like babysitting toddlers. 702 00:51:43,652 --> 00:51:45,237 Who are always stoned. 703 00:52:11,555 --> 00:52:12,931 Bitch! 704 00:52:13,932 --> 00:52:16,518 You'll pay for my face! 705 00:53:59,371 --> 00:54:00,555 Hodges. 706 00:54:00,705 --> 00:54:04,542 This is Sam Myers. I received a call from your deputy, Doyle 707 00:54:04,709 --> 00:54:07,128 about one of my reporters, Jessica Quinn. 708 00:54:07,295 --> 00:54:09,673 Yes, do you happen to know why she was in town? 709 00:54:09,923 --> 00:54:12,425 She's a freelancer, I really don't know anything 710 00:54:12,592 --> 00:54:14,010 until the story's on my desk. 711 00:54:14,177 --> 00:54:17,472 But before she left she mentioned something about an old asylum near your town. 712 00:54:18,598 --> 00:54:20,433 Is everything okay? 713 00:54:21,935 --> 00:54:24,479 Thank you for your help. Be in touch. 714 00:54:29,150 --> 00:54:31,152 You've reached the voice-mail of Deputy William Doyle. 715 00:54:31,319 --> 00:54:33,046 Please leave a message after the beep. Beep. 716 00:54:33,196 --> 00:54:34,281 That was me. 717 00:54:41,496 --> 00:54:43,498 Is that Christina? 718 00:54:49,546 --> 00:54:52,007 - Christina! - Jason, wait up! 719 00:54:53,925 --> 00:54:56,344 Guys? Guys? 720 00:54:56,511 --> 00:54:58,263 Where the fuck are you guys? 721 00:55:00,506 --> 00:55:02,049 Guys? 722 00:55:03,268 --> 00:55:04,436 Oh, shit. 723 00:55:07,314 --> 00:55:08,648 Jason! 724 00:55:10,817 --> 00:55:12,335 Okay, guys, we already split up twice. 725 00:55:12,485 --> 00:55:14,195 Third time is not a charm! 726 00:55:18,783 --> 00:55:21,202 - Laurie! - Come on! 727 00:55:26,166 --> 00:55:27,767 Where are you? Christina? 728 00:55:27,917 --> 00:55:29,294 Jason? 729 00:55:29,461 --> 00:55:31,087 No. 730 00:55:31,254 --> 00:55:32,881 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 731 00:55:34,132 --> 00:55:36,843 Christina! Christina, baby! 732 00:55:37,010 --> 00:55:38,345 Christina! 733 00:55:40,930 --> 00:55:43,141 Christina, baby! 734 00:55:43,892 --> 00:55:45,769 What the fuck is going on here? 735 00:55:51,775 --> 00:55:53,485 Oh, my God! 736 00:56:04,662 --> 00:56:06,181 - Fucking... - No, no, no! 737 00:56:06,331 --> 00:56:08,466 We have to get out of here! 738 00:56:09,376 --> 00:56:11,753 No talking in class. 739 00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:13,254 We have to get out of here! 740 00:56:18,468 --> 00:56:20,637 Hey! Hey, guys. 741 00:56:20,804 --> 00:56:22,472 Where have you guys been? 742 00:56:22,639 --> 00:56:25,141 - Um, we've been... - Looking for Christina. 743 00:56:25,308 --> 00:56:27,977 - No, no, no! - Jason, Jason, Jason! 744 00:56:28,144 --> 00:56:30,205 - Jason! - Whoa, man, what's the matter? 745 00:56:30,355 --> 00:56:33,149 It's not funny, you guys. This is all real. 746 00:56:33,400 --> 00:56:34,901 - People are dying! - It's locked! 747 00:56:35,110 --> 00:56:37,362 - They locked us in! - Oh, come on. What? 748 00:56:37,529 --> 00:56:39,697 We can't get out. They locked us in. 749 00:56:50,166 --> 00:56:52,210 Now would be a good time to run. 750 00:56:55,046 --> 00:56:57,590 I always thought a fear of clowns was 751 00:56:57,757 --> 00:57:01,302 just subverting what used to be a happy childhood memory. 752 00:57:03,513 --> 00:57:05,848 Although this clown is pretty scar... 753 00:57:07,767 --> 00:57:10,228 - Randall! - Wow. 754 00:57:25,243 --> 00:57:27,454 This town was a paradise before you brought in 755 00:57:27,620 --> 00:57:31,725 all your dugs and hook-whores... prostitutes and violence. 756 00:57:31,875 --> 00:57:33,768 You scum make me sick, you know that? 757 00:57:33,918 --> 00:57:35,270 Doyle 758 00:57:35,420 --> 00:57:38,173 Hi. Just, uh... You scared the bejeesus out of me. 759 00:57:38,423 --> 00:57:39,924 Why aren't you answering your phone? 760 00:57:40,175 --> 00:57:43,178 Uh, had a coffee accident. 761 00:57:44,345 --> 00:57:45,555 Again? 762 00:57:46,556 --> 00:57:48,641 Why is the station line off the hook? 763 00:57:48,808 --> 00:57:50,935 Yeah, sorry about that. It was just a bunch of prank callers 764 00:57:51,102 --> 00:57:53,455 from the funhouse messing with me. 765 00:57:53,605 --> 00:57:55,773 Gear up. We're going to Statesville. 766 00:57:57,150 --> 00:57:58,735 The asylum? 767 00:57:59,903 --> 00:58:02,906 We're going on a mission. It's go time. 768 00:58:03,072 --> 00:58:05,133 This is so cool. 769 00:58:05,283 --> 00:58:08,369 All right, right behind you, sheriff. 770 00:58:09,829 --> 00:58:11,539 Do you have an extra set of keys? 771 00:58:16,628 --> 00:58:18,338 Mikey, hurry! 772 00:58:33,520 --> 00:58:35,730 Wait, wait, wait! It's Mikey! 773 00:58:35,897 --> 00:58:37,440 - Wait, Laurie! - Come on. 774 00:58:37,607 --> 00:58:39,317 Come on! 775 00:58:43,071 --> 00:58:44,739 What the fuck! 776 00:58:51,371 --> 00:58:52,664 Go, go, go! 777 00:58:59,629 --> 00:59:01,381 They've locked the gate! 778 00:59:03,716 --> 00:59:05,301 - Climb it! - No, it's electric, it's electric! 779 00:59:08,805 --> 00:59:10,265 - Go under! - Oh, God! 780 00:59:10,431 --> 00:59:12,016 Laurie, go under! 781 00:59:12,183 --> 00:59:13,977 - Shit! - Come on! Laurie! 782 00:59:19,023 --> 00:59:20,525 Get off my friend! 783 00:59:24,654 --> 00:59:26,072 No! Jason! 784 00:59:26,614 --> 00:59:28,199 Just go! 785 00:59:28,366 --> 00:59:29,993 No! 786 00:59:31,318 --> 00:59:34,888 - Morgan, go get help! - Laurie! 787 01:00:05,278 --> 01:00:06,463 Miss? 788 01:00:06,613 --> 01:00:07,989 Are you okay? 789 01:00:09,574 --> 01:00:11,367 Are you dead? 790 01:00:13,661 --> 01:00:15,580 Holy fuck. 791 01:00:22,795 --> 01:00:25,857 Sheriff's department. Anybody here? 792 01:00:26,007 --> 01:00:28,943 Are you hoping the killer answers us? 793 01:00:29,093 --> 01:00:31,763 I thought that's what we're supposed to say. 794 01:00:40,521 --> 01:00:43,483 He's dead. He's definitely dead. 795 01:00:43,650 --> 01:00:47,028 Oh, okay. I'll follow you. 796 01:00:51,699 --> 01:00:52,992 Doyle. 797 01:00:54,118 --> 01:00:56,286 Go on without me, it's okay. 798 01:00:59,374 --> 01:01:01,334 What kind of shoes are you wearing? 799 01:01:17,058 --> 01:01:19,702 Dispatch, I need immediate backup and forensics 800 01:01:19,852 --> 01:01:22,372 - to my location, now. - What's going on? 801 01:01:22,522 --> 01:01:24,499 What were you saying about the kids and those prank calls? 802 01:01:24,649 --> 01:01:27,276 Just that their friends were being murdered at the Funhouse, why? 803 01:01:28,820 --> 01:01:30,530 What, what? 804 01:01:30,697 --> 01:01:33,157 Oh, crapola. 805 01:01:45,628 --> 01:01:49,257 I hate nature. I hate nature. 806 01:02:01,728 --> 01:02:03,980 Woo! I'm saved! 807 01:02:07,233 --> 01:02:09,193 Stop, or I'll shoot! 808 01:02:09,944 --> 01:02:11,904 Wait, what? 809 01:02:13,448 --> 01:02:16,075 What the fuck? 810 01:02:17,618 --> 01:02:19,454 Hands where I can see them! 811 01:02:19,620 --> 01:02:22,874 I can't raise my right arm because you just shot it! 812 01:02:23,040 --> 01:02:24,709 Did I say take the shot? 813 01:02:24,876 --> 01:02:26,294 I'm sorry, there was a lot going on. 814 01:02:26,461 --> 01:02:27,754 I don't remember, honestly. 815 01:02:27,920 --> 01:02:29,338 I take it you're not one of the bad guys. 816 01:02:29,505 --> 01:02:32,216 The bad... oh, you mean the deranged serial killers 817 01:02:32,383 --> 01:02:34,469 who are pretending to be haunted house characters and killing everybody? 818 01:02:34,635 --> 01:02:36,012 No, I just came from there. 819 01:02:36,179 --> 01:02:37,597 I didn't know it was more dangerous out here. 820 01:02:37,764 --> 01:02:38,931 - May I? - Yes. 821 01:02:39,098 --> 01:02:40,575 I'm terribly sorry, sir. 822 01:02:40,725 --> 01:02:44,662 In my defense, I yelled at you from the cop car, but you just... 823 01:02:44,812 --> 01:02:46,272 kept running at me. 824 01:02:46,439 --> 01:02:47,815 I don't have a weapon. 825 01:02:47,982 --> 01:02:50,109 You're threatened by my awkward running skills? 826 01:02:50,318 --> 01:02:52,045 You barely grazed him. 827 01:02:52,195 --> 01:02:56,240 Now, you said killers, with an "s". 828 01:02:56,407 --> 01:02:57,700 How many are we talking about? 829 01:02:57,867 --> 01:02:58,993 Yeah, I don't know. 830 01:02:59,160 --> 01:03:00,578 It was like, five or six, I think. 831 01:03:00,745 --> 01:03:02,205 Oh. 832 01:03:02,371 --> 01:03:03,414 We have to go in there. 833 01:03:03,581 --> 01:03:05,642 Jesus. 834 01:03:05,792 --> 01:03:08,002 Okay, time out. Quick headcount here. 835 01:03:08,169 --> 01:03:13,066 You me and this kid are going to go take on five or six serial killers? 836 01:03:14,216 --> 01:03:16,334 With no backup? 837 01:03:36,155 --> 01:03:38,366 I thought you could use some help. 838 01:03:39,492 --> 01:03:42,787 After all, Machete does the cutting. 839 01:03:45,122 --> 01:03:47,792 I'm confused. Is that the real Machete? 840 01:03:49,961 --> 01:03:53,923 I've never seen the films. They're too violent for me. 841 01:04:14,235 --> 01:04:15,528 It's okay. 842 01:04:19,156 --> 01:04:21,033 That's it, that's it. 843 01:04:33,170 --> 01:04:34,922 I bet you've got great teeth. 844 01:04:36,132 --> 01:04:38,342 No! No! 845 01:04:41,220 --> 01:04:43,055 Your bicuspids... 846 01:04:44,098 --> 01:04:47,810 Somebody must be a teeth grinder, huh? 847 01:04:58,613 --> 01:05:01,073 One patient at a time! 848 01:05:01,949 --> 01:05:04,535 Get off of me! Get off of me! 849 01:05:22,053 --> 01:05:23,512 Hey, Doc? 850 01:05:28,976 --> 01:05:31,562 I always hated going to the dentist. 851 01:05:31,729 --> 01:05:33,331 Come on. Are you okay? 852 01:05:33,481 --> 01:05:35,650 - Yeah. - Come on. 853 01:05:36,651 --> 01:05:37,944 I got you. 854 01:05:45,117 --> 01:05:47,495 Wowsa, sure glad we get to watch the mayhem 855 01:05:47,662 --> 01:05:49,222 from the safety of our booth, Bob. 856 01:05:49,372 --> 01:05:51,082 Well, yowza, Dr. Dave, I wouldn't be too sure, 857 01:05:51,248 --> 01:05:54,418 because here comes one of those maniacs right now. 858 01:05:54,585 --> 01:05:56,771 And I got to tell you folks, 859 01:05:56,921 --> 01:06:00,007 these guys take their jobs real, uh, seriously. 860 01:06:00,174 --> 01:06:02,551 I am kind of freaked out by weirdo Jesus here. 861 01:06:02,718 --> 01:06:04,095 You should be. 862 01:06:06,889 --> 01:06:09,642 Uh-oh, folks. Looks like Bob just got murdered. 863 01:06:09,809 --> 01:06:12,829 It's about time. Bob? 864 01:06:12,979 --> 01:06:15,764 Okay, joke's over, you got me. 865 01:06:17,024 --> 01:06:18,901 You know what I hate more than... 866 01:06:19,068 --> 01:06:20,319 stupid people? 867 01:06:20,528 --> 01:06:24,115 - Velcro? Democrats? - Fucking radio DJs. 868 01:06:26,659 --> 01:06:28,119 - We're live on the air. - Fuck! I'm sorry. 869 01:06:28,285 --> 01:06:29,704 What's wrong with you, bozo? 870 01:06:29,870 --> 01:06:32,373 Pretty much everything. 871 01:06:46,512 --> 01:06:49,140 Hello, boys and ghouls. 872 01:06:49,306 --> 01:06:51,559 We've come to a very special portion of the evening. 873 01:06:51,726 --> 01:06:53,994 You having a good time? 874 01:07:10,202 --> 01:07:12,288 These games look so fun. 875 01:07:13,789 --> 01:07:16,309 I'm not going to play them now with all these dead people. 876 01:07:16,459 --> 01:07:18,561 That would be in poor taste. 877 01:07:18,711 --> 01:07:22,798 If you say one more thing, I will shoot you myself. 878 01:07:32,391 --> 01:07:33,534 All right, come on. 879 01:07:34,584 --> 01:07:36,253 You're gonna be okay. 880 01:07:40,066 --> 01:07:41,817 Why did you do that? 881 01:07:41,984 --> 01:07:43,903 Are you crazy? Do you know what's happening out there? 882 01:07:44,111 --> 01:07:47,531 Yeah, I'm taking nutshots from a bumblebee. 883 01:07:49,075 --> 01:07:51,202 Okay, come on, you have to help me. 884 01:07:52,453 --> 01:07:54,288 What the hell happened to him? 885 01:07:54,455 --> 01:07:56,290 You don't want to know. 886 01:07:59,585 --> 01:08:02,171 I am amazed at how desensitized you all are. 887 01:08:02,421 --> 01:08:05,674 You have been lapping up gore like a ride at Disneyland. 888 01:08:05,841 --> 01:08:08,402 You truly are sick individuals. 889 01:08:12,556 --> 01:08:16,102 But the thing is, it's all been real. 890 01:08:17,603 --> 01:08:19,313 It's all been real. 891 01:08:19,855 --> 01:08:23,234 We really are killing people and we have been all evening. 892 01:08:27,696 --> 01:08:29,657 You don't believe me. 893 01:08:31,534 --> 01:08:33,828 You don't believe me? 894 01:08:39,834 --> 01:08:41,335 He's alive? 895 01:08:53,764 --> 01:08:58,227 Relax, Catherine. It's only death. 896 01:09:00,187 --> 01:09:02,198 I think it's time for our final act. 897 01:09:04,859 --> 01:09:06,902 Make it a good one, boys! 898 01:09:30,217 --> 01:09:31,844 Move! Move! 899 01:09:36,307 --> 01:09:39,727 You guys collect as many people as you can and get them the hell out of here. 900 01:09:39,894 --> 01:09:41,353 What are you gonna... 901 01:09:41,520 --> 01:09:44,857 Okay, uh, guess it's just us three amigos. 902 01:09:45,399 --> 01:09:46,901 That's because it's three of us. 903 01:09:47,067 --> 01:09:49,028 Not because I'm racist. I have a lot of Mexican friends. 904 01:09:49,236 --> 01:09:50,404 A couple blacks. 905 01:09:50,571 --> 01:09:51,655 Let's go. 906 01:10:02,875 --> 01:10:05,920 Hey! I don't do take out! 907 01:10:14,220 --> 01:10:17,180 Hey, man, what the hell? Get off of me! 908 01:10:34,406 --> 01:10:36,242 I can't walk anymore. 909 01:10:36,408 --> 01:10:38,094 Okay. You're gonna be okay. 910 01:10:38,244 --> 01:10:41,372 He literally can't walk. He's gonna get us killed. 911 01:10:41,538 --> 01:10:43,207 He can hear you. 912 01:11:25,582 --> 01:11:28,561 Hey, man, I'm getting the fuck out of here. 913 01:11:33,132 --> 01:11:35,092 You look nice today, Mom. 914 01:11:40,306 --> 01:11:41,598 Oh, Laurie, please be okay. 915 01:11:41,765 --> 01:11:43,350 Hurry, hurry! 916 01:11:43,517 --> 01:11:45,311 Head towards the main road, help's on the way. Go! Move! 917 01:11:45,477 --> 01:11:47,479 Move! It's okay. 918 01:11:53,402 --> 01:11:55,070 Clown! 919 01:11:55,237 --> 01:11:56,739 Whoa, okay. 920 01:12:06,540 --> 01:12:08,876 No way you live. No way. 921 01:12:09,960 --> 01:12:12,188 Oh, shoot. Okay, yeah. 922 01:12:12,338 --> 01:12:14,256 Oh, come on! 923 01:12:15,466 --> 01:12:17,009 Oh, fiddlesticks. 924 01:12:17,176 --> 01:12:19,595 You are so bad at this. 925 01:12:19,762 --> 01:12:21,472 Morgan! 926 01:12:22,890 --> 01:12:24,391 Holy shit! 927 01:12:24,558 --> 01:12:26,101 Holy shit! 928 01:12:42,951 --> 01:12:44,470 Oh, oh, not dead! Not dead! 929 01:12:44,620 --> 01:12:46,330 Still alive! Still alive! 930 01:12:46,497 --> 01:12:48,432 Go, go, go, go, go! 931 01:12:48,582 --> 01:12:50,417 Gerardo! 932 01:13:33,627 --> 01:13:35,396 Officer. 933 01:13:35,546 --> 01:13:39,716 Um, he was a friend. 934 01:13:39,883 --> 01:13:42,278 The maniacs got him. 935 01:13:42,428 --> 01:13:46,473 I just wanted to dress him properly. 936 01:13:49,768 --> 01:13:51,453 I know this looks bad, but... 937 01:13:51,603 --> 01:13:54,064 They gave me inferior tools. 938 01:13:55,399 --> 01:13:57,359 You can shoot him. 939 01:14:06,994 --> 01:14:08,412 Aw. 940 01:14:08,579 --> 01:14:10,539 There was so much more blood than I expected. 941 01:14:12,249 --> 01:14:14,418 I've never shot a man. 942 01:14:15,586 --> 01:14:16,920 Clearly. 943 01:14:18,839 --> 01:14:20,165 All right, get it out. 944 01:14:45,449 --> 01:14:47,910 Okay, uh, just give me a minute. 945 01:14:48,076 --> 01:14:50,245 I got this, uh... 946 01:14:50,412 --> 01:14:52,498 Standby for a plan. 947 01:14:58,795 --> 01:15:02,758 Okay, there are plenty of people out there right now that still need our help. 948 01:15:02,925 --> 01:15:05,486 We can selfishly try and save ourselves, 949 01:15:05,636 --> 01:15:07,988 or we fight back. 950 01:15:08,138 --> 01:15:10,474 That, uh, took the words right out of my mouth. 951 01:15:10,641 --> 01:15:11,892 That's exactly what I was gonna say. 952 01:15:12,059 --> 01:15:14,686 So, what psychos do we have left? 953 01:15:14,853 --> 01:15:17,022 Well, there's Creepy Clown Dude. 954 01:15:17,189 --> 01:15:19,041 Psycho Stitch-bitch. Tubby chef. 955 01:15:19,191 --> 01:15:21,276 Yeah, and Jesus Manson. 956 01:15:21,443 --> 01:15:24,588 Okay, Bumblebee, you go gather a group and go after Stitchgirl. 957 01:15:24,738 --> 01:15:27,199 Machete and Dr. Who go after Tubby Chef. 958 01:15:27,366 --> 01:15:29,535 And I'll take Creepy Jesus. 959 01:15:29,701 --> 01:15:31,203 What about Scary Clown Dude? 960 01:15:31,370 --> 01:15:32,913 Uh... 961 01:15:35,374 --> 01:15:37,960 Just hope none of us run into him? 962 01:15:38,126 --> 01:15:39,770 - Yeah, that sounds good. - Yeah. 963 01:15:39,920 --> 01:15:42,256 - That's a good plan. - Great. All right. 964 01:15:42,422 --> 01:15:43,899 Okay. 965 01:15:44,049 --> 01:15:45,676 - Laurie? - Yeah? 966 01:16:01,358 --> 01:16:04,111 I'd really love that third date so let's try not to, 967 01:16:04,278 --> 01:16:05,779 you know, die, okay? 968 01:16:05,946 --> 01:16:07,447 Okay. 969 01:16:22,796 --> 01:16:24,506 I guess that's us. 970 01:16:24,673 --> 01:16:26,300 Let's go. 971 01:16:27,676 --> 01:16:29,177 Third date. 972 01:16:34,141 --> 01:16:36,393 - You ready? - Yeah. 973 01:16:43,233 --> 01:16:47,379 I can't believe how many of you allowed us to kill you tonight. 974 01:16:49,698 --> 01:16:51,742 We finally have a challenger. 975 01:16:51,908 --> 01:16:53,469 Daddy! 976 01:16:53,619 --> 01:16:57,247 Don't worry, sweetheart, the gun pointed at my head is purely for show. 977 01:17:00,042 --> 01:17:02,519 This young lady and I go way back. 978 01:17:02,669 --> 01:17:04,921 She's just a bit irked about her mother. 979 01:17:23,357 --> 01:17:25,233 I've got her. 980 01:17:29,988 --> 01:17:31,823 Guys? 981 01:17:41,416 --> 01:17:43,460 I knew it was gonna be me. 982 01:17:53,345 --> 01:17:55,113 Are you using me as a human shield? 983 01:17:55,263 --> 01:17:56,515 Absolutely not. 984 01:18:14,366 --> 01:18:16,034 Don't move! 985 01:18:21,998 --> 01:18:23,892 I thought we'd lost you in the fire. 986 01:18:24,042 --> 01:18:25,752 Turn around. 987 01:18:27,671 --> 01:18:31,299 Turn around. 988 01:18:43,061 --> 01:18:45,480 Look at you. 989 01:18:48,191 --> 01:18:50,610 You're so beautiful. 990 01:18:50,777 --> 01:18:52,404 It's uncanny. 991 01:18:55,198 --> 01:18:57,993 You look so much like your mother. 992 01:19:13,425 --> 01:19:15,552 Relax, Dad. 993 01:19:17,554 --> 01:19:19,514 It's only death. 994 01:19:41,953 --> 01:19:43,789 You want a cook-off, bitch? 995 01:19:43,955 --> 01:19:46,917 Think fast, fry cook. 996 01:19:58,386 --> 01:20:00,697 Why the fuck is that on? 997 01:20:07,020 --> 01:20:09,147 No! No! 998 01:20:33,922 --> 01:20:36,091 Son of a bitch. 999 01:20:41,930 --> 01:20:45,392 You got this, Doyle. You got this. 1000 01:20:45,559 --> 01:20:47,477 Hey there, big guy. 1001 01:20:49,271 --> 01:20:52,399 You know, I've been thinking. You and I, 1002 01:20:52,566 --> 01:20:55,026 we got off on the wrong foot completely. 1003 01:20:55,193 --> 01:20:56,987 I shot at you first. 1004 01:20:57,153 --> 01:20:59,339 That, that's on me, you know? 1005 01:20:59,489 --> 01:21:02,784 And, honestly, for someone who would wear 1006 01:21:02,951 --> 01:21:05,787 another person's face on top of their own face, 1007 01:21:05,954 --> 01:21:11,209 you seem like a fairly reasonable, human thing. 1008 01:21:11,418 --> 01:21:13,753 So why don't you just stop swinging the hammer, 1009 01:21:13,920 --> 01:21:15,422 put it down and you and I can talk about it? 1010 01:21:15,589 --> 01:21:18,008 Man to giant man. 1011 01:21:20,635 --> 01:21:21,761 Or not. 1012 01:21:30,395 --> 01:21:32,229 Wyatt Earp, mother... 1013 01:21:40,071 --> 01:21:41,489 Hey, Stichbitch. 1014 01:21:49,956 --> 01:21:52,517 Now we all have fun toys. 1015 01:21:52,667 --> 01:21:54,294 Let's play. 1016 01:22:11,061 --> 01:22:13,355 Let's have a family reunion... 1017 01:22:13,521 --> 01:22:14,856 in Hell. 1018 01:22:45,887 --> 01:22:47,472 Fuck! 1019 01:23:09,160 --> 01:23:10,286 Whoa, no, no, no, no! 1020 01:23:10,453 --> 01:23:12,163 Don't shoot! It's me, Doyle. 1021 01:23:16,001 --> 01:23:18,253 You guys, I cannot believe that we survived. 1022 01:23:19,337 --> 01:23:20,839 What are the odds? 1023 01:23:24,968 --> 01:23:26,261 Morgan? 1024 01:23:26,428 --> 01:23:27,779 Yeah? 1025 01:23:27,929 --> 01:23:29,681 No, no, no, no, no, no! 1026 01:23:33,852 --> 01:23:35,478 Get down! 1027 01:23:42,068 --> 01:23:44,154 Shoot him you fucking idiots! 1028 01:25:07,112 --> 01:25:08,738 What the fuck? 1029 01:25:18,706 --> 01:25:20,291 We got one more for ya. 1030 01:25:20,458 --> 01:25:22,168 All right, hurry up, bring her in. 1031 01:25:23,305 --> 01:25:29,481 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org