WEBVTT

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<i>Thirty seconds and counting.</i>

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<i>Power transfer is complete.</i>

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<i>We're on internal power
with the launch vehicle at this time.</i>

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<i>T minus 20 seconds and counting.</i>

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<i>All the second-stage tanks now pressurised.</i>

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<i>T minus 15 seconds. Guidance is internal.</i>

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<i>Twelve, eleven, ten, 9...</i>

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<i>Ignition sequence starts.</i>

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<i>Six, five, four, three, two, one,</i>

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<i>zero. All engines running.</i>

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<i>Lift off! We have a lift off.</i>

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<i>And so in 1972,</i>

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<i>the Atlas Centaur rocket
blasted off from our planet,</i>

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<i>a four-stage rocket that launched a probe</i>

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<i>way out into the blackness of space.</i>

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<i>The probe would use the energy from the sun</i>

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<i>and the gravitational pull
of our neighbouring planets</i>

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<i>to cross our solar system.</i>

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<i>That momentum would then carry it on</i>

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<i>into the farthest reaches of the universe.</i>

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<i>The mission, to find intelligent life
similar to ours</i>

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<i>out there in deep space.</i>

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<i>The probe carried a tablet
which had inscribed on it</i>

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<i>the image of us humans, a man and a woman,</i>

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<i>and a map to locate us in the universe.</i>

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<i>Stage four disconnects and our probe
is fired on its long journey.</i>

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<i>The world wished it bon voyage</i>

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<i>and may it find a friend out there</i>

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<i>in deep space.</i>

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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

31
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Thank you so much. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.

32
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Hey! Thank you very much. Thank you.

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Thank you, nice to see you.

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Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.

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When I interviewed Neil Clarke
for <i>The Book Programme,</i>

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I knew he was extraordinary.

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Now, with the publication
of his brilliant novel,

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reviewers agree he's joined the ranks

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of Britain's immortals.

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Ladies and gentlemen, Neil Clarke.

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Um, so I suppose I wanted to start off
by asking you

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how did you manage such amazing
insight into the soul of modern man

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and how do you know
what men and women really want,

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just really the whole relationship
between humanity and the cosmos?

45
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Yeah, well,
I think I probably achieved that

46
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by looking into my own soul, Catherine.

47
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Um, I studied its flaws,

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its potential, its urgent needs.

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I listened to its cries for help...

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...and its yelps of anguish and, um, I...

51
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I spent five long years

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in a book which I hoped would throw open
the doors of human perception

53
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and allow us to be engulfed
in a sense of our own futility.

54
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Sorry about this, it's...

55
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Get off! Down!

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Ah!

57
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Oh, God.

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Go watch TV.

59
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Your dog is barking.

60
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My dog was barking
because you rang the doorbell.

61
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I rang the doorbell
because your dog was barking.

62
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Your lease says no pets.

63
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Well, he is a guide dog.

64
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You're not blind.

65
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I prefer the term "optically challenged".

66
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You're not optically challenged, either.

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Fiona, you live, like, three floors up.
I mean, I don't...

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If you don't
control your bloody dog,

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I am going to get it sent
to Battersea Dogs Home. Right?

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- Hmm?
- All right.

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Come on, Dennis,
let's go and evacuate your bowels.

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Come on, Dennis.

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Come on.

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- Hi, Neil.
- Hi, Catherine.

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Hey, it's funny,
I was just dreaming about you.

76
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Really?

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Yeah, you were presenting me
with an award for my novel.

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Oh, did you deserve it?

79
00:06:00.720 --> 00:06:02.609
Well, I was proud but humble.

80
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Have you finished it,
actually, in real life?

81
00:06:06.040 --> 00:06:08.088
Absolutely, almost, yeah.

82
00:06:08.160 --> 00:06:10.481
Cos last spring you were on chapter...

83
00:06:10.560 --> 00:06:12.881
Yeah, I've renumbered them.
In fact, I've removed them.

84
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- Oh.
- Yeah.

85
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I find the whole concept of chapters
just gets in the way so...

86
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Yeah. Yeah, no, I can see that.

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I want reading it to be like being
sucked into a giant vortex, you know.

88
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- Like going on Facebook.
- Like Facebook, yeah.

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That's a good one.

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"Like being sucked into a giant vortex."

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Dennis, why do you let me
say things like this, hey?

92
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Come on.

93
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Hmm. Mmm?

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Ah.

95
00:08:18.880 --> 00:08:20.882
- Come on, Ray. It's only 20 quid.
- No, I can't, Neil.

96
00:08:20.960 --> 00:08:22.200
- Yeah, but it can't lose.
- No.

97
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Look, I guarantee you
a 50% return on your money

98
00:08:25.080 --> 00:08:26.411
before the end of classes today.

99
00:08:29.200 --> 00:08:32.090
So when do you make your move on
Miss Booker Prize downstairs, then?

100
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Oh, I don't. Turns out she's a bit
literal-minded, no foresight.

101
00:08:36.440 --> 00:08:38.966
Whereas me,
I can see for miles into the future.

102
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A man needs a woman, Neil.

103
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- I've got Dennis.
- Dennis is male.

104
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And he's a dog, in case you hadn't noticed.

105
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Yeah, well,
I don't want to complicate my life.

106
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This is a tenner!

107
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Walk!

108
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<i>Accessing representative images
of earthlings.</i>

109
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Communication will be carried on in the
language of the species to be judged.

110
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I'm sorry, I'm not understanding.

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Ah.

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- Is that better, Kylie?
- Understanding you now, Sharon.

113
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By the power invested in me by
the Intergalactic Council of Superior Species,

114
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I hereby pronounce
a destruction order on the planet Earth.

115
00:10:00.680 --> 00:10:04.890
With great respect, Sharon,
we should not pronounce a destruction order

116
00:10:05.200 --> 00:10:08.522
before we've given these earthlings
a chance to prove themselves.

117
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They've penetrated
intergalactic space.

118
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Maureen is right.

119
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They're clearly not a superior species.

120
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Look at the way they copulate.

121
00:10:19.960 --> 00:10:22.281
If these earthlings

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can convince us that they are superior beings,
then they may join our society.

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If they cannot, we must eliminate them,

124
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for the moral well-being of the entire
Intergalactic Community.

125
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Thank you for explaining it to me, Sharon.

126
00:10:34.160 --> 00:10:35.321
Not at all, Miss Barker.

127
00:10:39.200 --> 00:10:40.804
No, Grant, I don't want to talk to you.

128
00:10:40.880 --> 00:10:42.723
No, I don't want to see you, either.

129
00:10:42.800 --> 00:10:45.121
We had a great time last
summer but it's over.

130
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What part of over do you not understand?

131
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Thank you for calling. Goodbye.

132
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These questions of yours
make it sound as if I thought

133
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this bloody author
can string two words together.

134
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But he can. It's a wonderful book.

135
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Darling, didn't you read the memo?
We're doing a demolition job.

136
00:11:03.200 --> 00:11:05.851
But it's the best thing he's ever written.
Everyone says so.

137
00:11:05.920 --> 00:11:08.321
That's why we have to pee on it
from a great height.

138
00:11:09.240 --> 00:11:13.450
I want ten new questions,
please, before noon.

139
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Don't you know? She never reads the books.
She hates books.

140
00:11:22.640 --> 00:11:25.371
Why is she presenting
a book programme, then?

141
00:11:25.440 --> 00:11:26.965
I spy trouble. Just...

142
00:11:29.760 --> 00:11:33.162
Look, Catherine, you may despise her ego,

143
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but that's what people tune in to see.

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Not books, not authors, God forbid,

145
00:11:39.880 --> 00:11:42.929
but Fenella's rampant, pulsating,
sexually arousing ego.

146
00:11:43.160 --> 00:11:46.448
No, I think people watch because
it's a book programme and they love books.

147
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Books are finished.

148
00:11:49.240 --> 00:11:52.722
Our job is to provide scandal, gossip
and character assassination,

149
00:11:52.800 --> 00:11:55.326
with a thin veneer of
literary respectability.

150
00:11:55.440 --> 00:11:57.408
Oh, so we're not just selling out, then?
We've sold out?

151
00:11:57.480 --> 00:11:58.527
Exactly.

152
00:12:00.880 --> 00:12:02.484
For God's sake, smile.

153
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It's enough to make you weep, isn't it?

154
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What?

155
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The price of pickles.
Don't even look at the marinated herring.

156
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Honestly, you'd be suicidal.

157
00:12:38.440 --> 00:12:39.566
I didn't want them, anyway.

158
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Thanks.

159
00:12:47.320 --> 00:12:51.120
Um, I also offer support and counselling
on dips, dried fruit and pasta sauces.

160
00:12:54.680 --> 00:12:56.330
She's gone.

161
00:13:01.880 --> 00:13:04.451
- The usual test, Sharon?
- The usual test, Kylie.

162
00:13:04.960 --> 00:13:07.486
One earthling will be chosen randomly,

163
00:13:07.760 --> 00:13:11.082
as defined by
the Intergalactic Manual of Good and Evil.

164
00:13:11.400 --> 00:13:13.004
Page 56. paragraph B.

165
00:13:13.440 --> 00:13:16.569
Uh, page 56, paragraph D.

166
00:13:17.360 --> 00:13:19.010
Uh, right.

167
00:13:19.480 --> 00:13:24.247
To prove that they understand
the difference between good and evil.

168
00:13:24.600 --> 00:13:26.329
How will they prove it?

169
00:13:26.400 --> 00:13:29.529
They will be given the power
that all superior beings have.

170
00:13:30.600 --> 00:13:33.570
The earthling will be capable
of doing absolutely anything.

171
00:13:34.120 --> 00:13:36.441
What if he uses his power for evil?

172
00:13:37.040 --> 00:13:39.691
The Earth will be eliminated.

173
00:13:39.760 --> 00:13:41.330
But if he uses it for good?

174
00:13:41.400 --> 00:13:44.244
Then we welcome them
to the Intergalactic Community.

175
00:13:44.320 --> 00:13:45.560
Are we ready, gentlemen?

176
00:13:46.400 --> 00:13:49.131
<i>Commencing random
selection of earthlings.</i>

177
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<i>Processing...</i>

178
00:13:53.240 --> 00:13:54.401
<i>Processing...</i>

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00:13:55.400 --> 00:13:56.640
<i>Earthling.</i>

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Jolly good!

181
00:13:58.960 --> 00:14:00.086
Wait!

182
00:14:00.160 --> 00:14:01.400
<i>Selected.</i>

183
00:14:04.560 --> 00:14:08.770
The earthling has ten days to prove
he can use absolute power for good

184
00:14:08.840 --> 00:14:11.002
rather than for evil.

185
00:14:21.200 --> 00:14:22.281
God.

186
00:14:30.880 --> 00:14:31.961
Fuck you!

187
00:14:43.080 --> 00:14:47.324
All they want me to do is help them
sneer at people who write wonderful books.

188
00:14:47.360 --> 00:14:50.728
Well, my producer just wants me
to dig up dirt on Amenhotep III.

189
00:14:51.800 --> 00:14:54.201
I keep telling them he had a kind nature

190
00:14:54.280 --> 00:14:55.406
and lovely hands.

191
00:14:56.440 --> 00:14:59.489
I would have loved to spend
an evening with Amenhotep III.

192
00:14:59.560 --> 00:15:03.007
Yeah, except he's been dead
4,000 years, Rosie,

193
00:15:03.040 --> 00:15:05.725
and he'd spend all day long
talking about embalming.

194
00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:07.842
Well, find me a good one
that's still breathing.

195
00:15:07.880 --> 00:15:09.848
Tell me about it.

196
00:15:09.920 --> 00:15:11.365
What about Grant?

197
00:15:11.440 --> 00:15:14.887
Oh, well, Colonel Grant
turned out to have issues.

198
00:15:14.960 --> 00:15:17.770
- Issues?
- Yeah, like being clinically insane.

199
00:15:18.280 --> 00:15:19.611
Shame.

200
00:15:19.680 --> 00:15:21.170
Maybe that's overstating it.

201
00:15:21.240 --> 00:15:25.290
Uh, just obsessive, possessive
and pathologically jealous.

202
00:15:27.080 --> 00:15:28.206
What about him upstairs?

203
00:15:29.080 --> 00:15:31.287
Oh, he tried to cheer me up
in the supermarket.

204
00:15:31.360 --> 00:15:32.964
Oh, so he's gay?

205
00:15:33.040 --> 00:15:34.201
What?

206
00:15:34.880 --> 00:15:38.168
Well, he's sympathetic,
interested, available.

207
00:15:38.720 --> 00:15:42.611
- That's the way life works.
- No, he's not gay.

208
00:15:42.800 --> 00:15:46.168
He's... very likeable.

209
00:16:10.160 --> 00:16:12.003
Mr Clarke.

210
00:16:14.040 --> 00:16:15.201
Hi.

211
00:16:15.440 --> 00:16:18.125
This is the twelfth time
you've been late this month, Mr Clarke.

212
00:16:18.200 --> 00:16:19.645
Yeah, I got knocked off my bike.

213
00:16:19.720 --> 00:16:24.203
Yesterday you had food poisoning.
Friday you thought it was Saturday.

214
00:16:24.640 --> 00:16:27.246
Monday you forgot to put
your clock forward.

215
00:16:27.320 --> 00:16:28.367
Oh, everybody does that.

216
00:16:28.520 --> 00:16:32.491
Week last Wednesday it seems you had
an appointment with the Dalai Lama.

217
00:16:32.560 --> 00:16:34.130
Yeah, I showed you the picture.

218
00:16:34.840 --> 00:16:37.684
That had Michael Jackson in it as well.

219
00:16:38.360 --> 00:16:39.800
Well, he's a great man.

220
00:16:40.280 --> 00:16:43.011
Great enough to appear in photographs
when he's dead.

221
00:16:44.280 --> 00:16:47.329
You, Mr Clarke, are totally irresponsible,

222
00:16:47.440 --> 00:16:50.410
you are idle and you are feckless.

223
00:16:50.880 --> 00:16:52.006
Feckless?

224
00:16:52.600 --> 00:16:54.568
Yes, you are without feck.

225
00:16:57.680 --> 00:16:59.444
If I could replace you, I would.

226
00:17:02.760 --> 00:17:04.364
Yeah, well, so would I.

227
00:17:04.440 --> 00:17:07.364
I just don't have anybody
to replace me with.

228
00:17:30.760 --> 00:17:32.524
You a big skier?

229
00:17:32.960 --> 00:17:34.166
Well, I've had my moments.

230
00:17:36.120 --> 00:17:37.360
Hello, gorgeous.

231
00:17:37.520 --> 00:17:41.081
How about cocktails for two this evening?
Go halves?

232
00:17:41.600 --> 00:17:43.329
Drop dead, Ray.

233
00:17:43.400 --> 00:17:46.404
All right. Think about
it and get back to me.

234
00:17:49.480 --> 00:17:50.561
Knob.

235
00:17:51.480 --> 00:17:52.641
- Neil?
- Yeah.

236
00:17:53.360 --> 00:17:54.805
If you could do anything,
what would you do?

237
00:17:54.880 --> 00:17:59.204
Hello, Neil, love.
Tinned mouse or fricassee of war victim?

238
00:17:59.280 --> 00:18:01.726
I will have the roast headmaster,
please, Mrs B.

239
00:18:01.800 --> 00:18:03.131
You are a one.

240
00:18:04.800 --> 00:18:06.643
- There you go.
- Thank you.

241
00:18:06.720 --> 00:18:10.486
Uh, I'll have the casserole, please, Mrs B.

242
00:18:13.560 --> 00:18:16.928
You'll enjoy that, Mr Ray.
As long as you don't eat it.

243
00:18:22.720 --> 00:18:25.690
No, I mean, if you could
make anything you want happen,

244
00:18:25.760 --> 00:18:27.205
what would it be?

245
00:18:27.280 --> 00:18:30.250
I would make Dennis regurgitate
my notes from chapter three.

246
00:18:36.000 --> 00:18:37.800
If you could make
something impossible happen.

247
00:18:38.200 --> 00:18:39.690
Intact.

248
00:18:44.000 --> 00:18:47.004
What if you could make someone
worship the ground you walked on?

249
00:18:47.280 --> 00:18:49.965
What, even if she thought
you were a little shit?

250
00:18:50.040 --> 00:18:51.121
Come on, Ray.

251
00:18:51.200 --> 00:18:53.600
That would be taking an unfair advantage
of an innocent girl.

252
00:18:54.120 --> 00:18:57.363
OK, but suppose
there was one thing you could do

253
00:18:57.440 --> 00:18:59.160
that would change your life for the better?

254
00:18:59.520 --> 00:19:01.966
Oh, that's easy.
I would make alien spaceships destroy 10C.

255
00:19:09.160 --> 00:19:10.720
That sounded like it was in the school.

256
00:19:14.480 --> 00:19:15.720
Out of the way! Out of the way!

257
00:19:15.840 --> 00:19:17.365
Stand back, stand back.
Stand back, stand back.

258
00:19:17.440 --> 00:19:18.646
Now, just stay calm.

259
00:19:23.760 --> 00:19:25.171
Oh, my God!

260
00:19:29.400 --> 00:19:30.606
Who was that?

261
00:19:30.720 --> 00:19:35.760
It was the Salubrious Gat
of Galaxy G946 WOT.

262
00:19:38.280 --> 00:19:39.850
Gat, what do you think you're doing?

263
00:19:40.000 --> 00:19:41.445
<i>Just practising, Sharon.</i>

264
00:19:41.840 --> 00:19:46.209
We haven't done the judicial review yet.
We may not want to destroy this species.

265
00:19:46.680 --> 00:19:47.886
<i>Who are you kidding?</i>

266
00:19:47.960 --> 00:19:53.649
<i>445,349,722 new alien species encountered.</i>

267
00:19:54.120 --> 00:19:55.406
<i>Number granted membership</i>

268
00:19:55.480 --> 00:19:58.290
<i>of the Intergalactic Community
of Superior Beings?</i>

269
00:19:58.600 --> 00:19:59.681
<i>Zero.</i>

270
00:20:00.200 --> 00:20:01.486
We have high standards.

271
00:20:01.760 --> 00:20:03.125
<i>You know you're going to wipe them out.</i>

272
00:20:03.320 --> 00:20:05.163
It all depends on the earthling.

273
00:20:06.520 --> 00:20:09.683
<i>And signs of a recovery
seem as far away as ever.</i>

274
00:20:16.480 --> 00:20:17.970
Hey.

275
00:20:18.040 --> 00:20:19.121
Hello, Dennis.

276
00:20:20.640 --> 00:20:22.847
Oh, Dennis. Couldn't you have waited?

277
00:20:24.800 --> 00:20:27.121
<i>We can now go live
to our reporter Brenda Emmanus</i>

278
00:20:27.200 --> 00:20:28.770
<i>at the scene of the incident.</i>

279
00:20:29.080 --> 00:20:32.050
<i>It was here
at Kinbrook Comprehensive School</i>

280
00:20:32.520 --> 00:20:35.410
<i>that an explosion killed 38 pupils.</i>

281
00:20:35.960 --> 00:20:39.521
<i>A police spokesman said they
could not rule out a terrorist attack</i>

282
00:20:39.600 --> 00:20:41.400
<i>but say there were no
connections with reports</i>

283
00:20:41.440 --> 00:20:44.284
<i>of a UFO sighting in the area.</i>

284
00:20:44.360 --> 00:20:45.805
<i>The head teacher, Mr Robert...</i>

285
00:20:50.680 --> 00:20:52.444
Oh, sure, Dennis,
it was an alien spaceship.

286
00:20:53.840 --> 00:20:55.842
What are you talking about?

287
00:20:55.880 --> 00:20:58.042
If I could make
an alien spaceship destroy 10C,

288
00:20:58.120 --> 00:21:00.521
then I wouldn't be farting around
with this, would I?

289
00:21:00.560 --> 00:21:01.925
I'd just say,

290
00:21:02.000 --> 00:21:03.650
"Dog mess, clean yourself up."

291
00:21:07.200 --> 00:21:08.611
See?

292
00:21:42.320 --> 00:21:43.481
It's just shock.

293
00:21:43.880 --> 00:21:47.089
It's just post-hallucination shock.
That's all it is.

294
00:21:51.640 --> 00:21:54.849
I mean, it couldn't have been
an alien spaceship, Dennis, could it?

295
00:21:54.920 --> 00:21:58.163
I mean, it just, I mean, it couldn't have.

296
00:21:59.480 --> 00:22:00.641
Oh, my God.

297
00:22:07.200 --> 00:22:08.406
That's my notes.

298
00:22:09.600 --> 00:22:12.080
Ah, damn it!

299
00:22:19.480 --> 00:22:22.165
Whisky, go back in the bottle.

300
00:22:25.000 --> 00:22:27.480
See? You see?
There's nothing. It's nothing.

301
00:22:28.200 --> 00:22:29.964
There was nothing. It's nothing.

302
00:22:30.040 --> 00:22:31.530
Whisky, go back in the bottle.

303
00:22:38.720 --> 00:22:39.926
Oh, my God.

304
00:22:41.760 --> 00:22:43.330
I have to wave my hand.

305
00:22:54.240 --> 00:22:58.609
Whisky, exchange yourself
for another bottle, a single malt.

306
00:23:01.240 --> 00:23:02.844
Hey, come back!

307
00:23:24.120 --> 00:23:25.326
Door, open quick.

308
00:23:27.080 --> 00:23:28.411
Not that quick.

309
00:23:29.480 --> 00:23:32.450
I didn't mean go back to the shop
to get exchanged!

310
00:23:38.520 --> 00:23:39.681
It's closed.

311
00:23:42.160 --> 00:23:44.128
Oh, shit.

312
00:23:50.160 --> 00:23:53.289
- Gotcha!
- Help me, Dennis!

313
00:23:53.360 --> 00:23:54.646
- Priority.
- Help me!

314
00:24:06.400 --> 00:24:09.131
Shh, Dennis, be quiet.

315
00:24:09.280 --> 00:24:11.521
Oh, shit.

316
00:24:18.480 --> 00:24:20.560
All right, laddie. You're nicked.

317
00:24:24.760 --> 00:24:26.524
Me be at home having dinner with Dennis.

318
00:24:32.640 --> 00:24:34.881
Oh, yuck! Chumzy!

319
00:24:37.880 --> 00:24:41.487
You say one word about this, Constable,
you'll be on community relations.

320
00:24:48.280 --> 00:24:49.930
Oh, my God. 10C!

321
00:24:58.920 --> 00:25:01.082
Uh, let everyone who died be alive again.

322
00:25:29.880 --> 00:25:31.120
Oh, God.

323
00:25:32.880 --> 00:25:36.487
Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
No, I meant everybody in 10C be alive again!

324
00:25:37.320 --> 00:25:40.324
Obviously. Not everyone who's died ever.
Are you crazy?

325
00:25:45.800 --> 00:25:46.961
Shit. Shit.

326
00:25:47.040 --> 00:25:49.646
And everybody who died in
the bomb blast that is alive again,

327
00:25:49.680 --> 00:25:50.966
be completely uninjured.

328
00:25:51.720 --> 00:25:53.051
Oh, shit, shit, shit!

329
00:25:53.320 --> 00:25:56.563
Uh, OK, me feel better.

330
00:25:57.000 --> 00:25:58.206
Oh, that's better.

331
00:25:58.480 --> 00:26:01.165
Me have a really good idea
about what to do next.

332
00:26:01.240 --> 00:26:02.401
Oh, that's a good idea.

333
00:26:02.520 --> 00:26:05.091
Um, let the explosion never have happened.

334
00:26:05.160 --> 00:26:08.164
No, I mean, if you could make
anything you wanted happen,

335
00:26:09.200 --> 00:26:11.043
what would it be?

336
00:26:11.160 --> 00:26:12.241
I'm sorry, what?

337
00:26:12.840 --> 00:26:14.683
If you could do anything,
what would you do?

338
00:26:16.080 --> 00:26:19.243
That's very weird.
I think I just dreamt that I could.

339
00:26:19.320 --> 00:26:20.367
What?

340
00:26:20.520 --> 00:26:23.330
Do anything. I dreamt that I could just
wave my hand and say such-and-such

341
00:26:23.360 --> 00:26:24.486
and it would happen.

342
00:26:24.840 --> 00:26:25.921
So what did you do?

343
00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:27.843
I made alien spaceships destroy 10C.

344
00:26:28.000 --> 00:26:29.081
Good thinking.

345
00:26:30.440 --> 00:26:33.046
I would make Dorothy Pringle
worship the ground I walked on.

346
00:26:33.560 --> 00:26:36.166
You wouldn't be so cruel.

347
00:26:40.680 --> 00:26:42.967
<i>Hello and welcome to Book News,</i>

348
00:26:43.000 --> 00:26:45.924
<i>the show where you get to know
what books are coming to you</i>

349
00:26:46.040 --> 00:26:47.849
<i>and authors get what's coming to them.</i>

350
00:26:49.040 --> 00:26:51.884
<i>What's the truth under publishers' blurbs?</i>

351
00:26:51.920 --> 00:26:55.891
<i>Why do writers' photographs always
show them looking ten years younger?</i>

352
00:26:55.920 --> 00:26:58.526
<i>You've come to the right place to find out.</i>

353
00:26:58.600 --> 00:27:01.444
<i>Our first guest tonight
is Mortimer Stanley,</i>

354
00:27:01.520 --> 00:27:05.889
<i>whose latest novel is entitled</i>
What You See With Your Eyes Open.

355
00:27:06.880 --> 00:27:10.202
Mortimer, your last novel
was published nearly ten years ago.

356
00:27:10.240 --> 00:27:14.564
It got what they call "mixed reviews"
and sold fewer than 3,000 copies.

357
00:27:15.400 --> 00:27:17.721
What possessed you to write another one?

358
00:27:17.760 --> 00:27:19.728
Well, my wife was dying.

359
00:27:20.120 --> 00:27:21.645
You were estranged, weren't you?

360
00:27:21.720 --> 00:27:25.770
Well, yes, but on her deathbed,
she urged me to write another book.

361
00:27:25.880 --> 00:27:27.405
Knowing that she would
never have to read it?

362
00:27:27.440 --> 00:27:28.487
Well...

363
00:27:29.280 --> 00:27:32.440
Fenella's complaining that you didn't tell
her about his shoplifting conviction.

364
00:27:32.480 --> 00:27:35.927
Well, he was 14, James.
It's got nothing to do with his book.

365
00:27:35.960 --> 00:27:37.724
Well, neither has the show, Cath.

366
00:27:37.840 --> 00:27:41.083
Listen, what upsets Fenella about you
is your integrity.

367
00:27:42.000 --> 00:27:43.968
But me, I quite like it.

368
00:27:45.640 --> 00:27:48.610
Play your cards right,
you could get your own office

369
00:27:48.640 --> 00:27:50.085
with a bigger desk and a view.

370
00:27:52.800 --> 00:27:53.961
Um...

371
00:27:57.680 --> 00:27:59.603
Sorry. Excuse me one second.

372
00:28:00.920 --> 00:28:02.720
Mind you, you've gotta
play your cards right.

373
00:28:03.800 --> 00:28:05.211
What the hell are you doing here?

374
00:28:05.280 --> 00:28:07.601
- Don't I get a kiss?
- Please go away.

375
00:28:07.920 --> 00:28:09.331
That wouldn't be fair to you, Cath.

376
00:28:09.440 --> 00:28:13.161
This is a wonderful opportunity
for you to get to know the real me.

377
00:28:13.280 --> 00:28:14.850
Well... I'm calling security.

378
00:28:14.960 --> 00:28:17.440
No, not just the charming,
high-flying military strategist.

379
00:28:17.520 --> 00:28:19.443
Hello, security?

380
00:28:19.520 --> 00:28:21.360
Not the inventor of extreme
rendition, either.

381
00:28:21.440 --> 00:28:23.488
Yes, I've got an intruder in room 405.

382
00:28:23.600 --> 00:28:27.491
Or the mastermind behind
warrantless domestic surveillance.

383
00:28:28.200 --> 00:28:31.443
Just a humble officer who adores you.

384
00:28:33.720 --> 00:28:36.644
OK, Grant, I appreciate that you like me...

385
00:28:36.800 --> 00:28:40.885
Like? Like? What do you think,
I'm one of these cardboard cut-outs?

386
00:28:41.120 --> 00:28:45.205
Like? No. No, no, no. Adulate. Worship.

387
00:28:46.520 --> 00:28:48.841
OK, well, I don't adulate or worship you.

388
00:28:49.320 --> 00:28:50.731
I don't even really like you.

389
00:28:50.960 --> 00:28:53.725
So that's why I'm asking you
to just go away and leave me alone.

390
00:28:55.160 --> 00:28:58.369
- So there's some hope?
- No, no, no. There's no hope.

391
00:28:59.000 --> 00:29:01.651
Cath, I came all the way to England
to see you.

392
00:29:01.760 --> 00:29:03.524
Doesn't that show you
how much I care about you?

393
00:29:03.640 --> 00:29:07.167
No, it shows me that you're obsessed.
Obsession's not a quality that I admire.

394
00:29:07.240 --> 00:29:08.480
Really?

395
00:29:09.240 --> 00:29:11.322
I think the lady wants you to go, Colonel.

396
00:29:14.400 --> 00:29:16.209
You work for the BBC, don't you?

397
00:29:17.000 --> 00:29:18.206
I do.

398
00:29:20.400 --> 00:29:24.246
You know who ultimately controls
the British Broadcasting Corporation?

399
00:29:27.200 --> 00:29:29.362
A little guy that used to work
down the hall from me

400
00:29:29.400 --> 00:29:31.402
at Fort Bragg, North Carolina.

401
00:29:31.920 --> 00:29:34.048
And he did it in his spare time.

402
00:29:37.960 --> 00:29:40.770
I'll catch you later, honey.

403
00:29:47.040 --> 00:29:51.364
It was a party. I was doing a documentary.
I was drunk.

404
00:29:51.920 --> 00:29:53.251
Judging me.

405
00:30:02.560 --> 00:30:04.050
Oh, God.

406
00:30:15.080 --> 00:30:19.483
Let 10C become a model class,
kind and considerate.

407
00:30:19.560 --> 00:30:20.800
Oh, and eager to learn.

408
00:30:32.080 --> 00:30:35.607
- Good afternoon, 10C.
- Good afternoon, Mr Clarke.

409
00:30:37.920 --> 00:30:41.322
Um, could you all turn to page 73,
please, and read the entire chapter?

410
00:30:41.440 --> 00:30:43.488
- What, the whole chapter?
- Yes.

411
00:30:43.600 --> 00:30:45.967
- Oh, good.
- How exciting!

412
00:30:46.080 --> 00:30:47.844
He's letting us read the whole chapter!

413
00:30:48.160 --> 00:30:50.527
- Great.
- Well, you get on with it, then.

414
00:31:14.640 --> 00:31:17.371
Let the headmaster
be nice to me for a change.

415
00:31:19.120 --> 00:31:21.760
And what you did
with the guitar quite beggars belief.

416
00:31:21.800 --> 00:31:23.450
That is not how <i>Kumbaya</i> goes.

417
00:31:23.480 --> 00:31:25.881
Neil. So good to see you!

418
00:31:25.960 --> 00:31:29.009
I love what you're wearing.
It really does, it's just a great ensemble.

419
00:31:29.240 --> 00:31:30.969
So similar to what you were wearing before.

420
00:31:31.000 --> 00:31:34.163
But your laissez-faire attitude
to work is a great counterpoint

421
00:31:34.200 --> 00:31:35.804
to my by-the-book approach.

422
00:31:35.880 --> 00:31:37.320
Great having you on the staff, Neil.

423
00:31:37.360 --> 00:31:39.328
- Thank you.
- Right.

424
00:31:39.360 --> 00:31:40.407
Yeah!

425
00:31:40.800 --> 00:31:44.009
He must love you an awful lot
to fly across the Atlantic.

426
00:31:44.080 --> 00:31:46.321
No, he just can't bear losing anything.

427
00:31:46.880 --> 00:31:49.850
As far as Grant's concerned,
I'm just a piece of lost property

428
00:31:50.000 --> 00:31:53.004
he wants to retrieve
and put back on his mantelpiece.

429
00:31:53.080 --> 00:31:55.321
He was really scary. Crazy.

430
00:31:56.680 --> 00:31:59.160
I had a boyfriend like that once.

431
00:31:59.200 --> 00:32:00.960
The sort who wouldn't
take no for an answer.

432
00:32:01.000 --> 00:32:02.525
Did you? What happened?

433
00:32:02.600 --> 00:32:04.170
I married him.

434
00:32:05.360 --> 00:32:09.001
Mr Eriksson, you know the romance
languages, French, Italian...

435
00:32:09.080 --> 00:32:10.844
Yes, Miss Pringle, I teach them.

436
00:32:11.160 --> 00:32:12.960
Well, I was wondering
how they got their name?

437
00:32:13.080 --> 00:32:16.527
- It's to do with Rome, ancient Rome.
- It's from the Latin.

438
00:32:18.200 --> 00:32:20.851
So it's just a coincidence
that they sound so romantic?

439
00:32:20.920 --> 00:32:23.571
Actually, I'm thinking
of switching to economics.

440
00:32:23.840 --> 00:32:25.251
Oh.

441
00:32:25.520 --> 00:32:27.045
He is...

442
00:32:32.200 --> 00:32:34.282
Let Miss Pringle worship Ray.

443
00:32:37.040 --> 00:32:38.804
Ray.

444
00:32:53.120 --> 00:32:55.088
I can do abso-fucking-lutely anything.

445
00:33:06.760 --> 00:33:07.966
Yeah.

446
00:33:10.160 --> 00:33:12.083
Me be President of the United States.

447
00:33:17.240 --> 00:33:18.446
Hmm.

448
00:33:18.920 --> 00:33:20.081
That's funny.

449
00:33:20.480 --> 00:33:22.005
Me be President of the United States.

450
00:33:23.000 --> 00:33:24.604
- Thank God we found you, sir.
- Sorry?

451
00:33:24.680 --> 00:33:26.200
We've been looking for you everywhere.

452
00:33:26.240 --> 00:33:27.446
Oh, my God!

453
00:33:27.480 --> 00:33:29.642
Help! Help! Guns! They're shooting!

454
00:33:30.640 --> 00:33:32.847
Move, move, move! Move!

455
00:33:37.800 --> 00:33:40.406
I am sorry about that, Mr President.

456
00:33:40.440 --> 00:33:44.604
Now, here are the briefing papers
for Syria, the deficit,

457
00:33:44.640 --> 00:33:47.530
Israel and the Middle East,
China, global warming,

458
00:33:47.640 --> 00:33:50.849
unemployment and the
Arctic Wildlife Reserve.

459
00:33:51.520 --> 00:33:53.284
They're shooting!

460
00:33:53.360 --> 00:33:55.806
Me be my old self at home!

461
00:34:02.480 --> 00:34:05.882
I can do anything.

462
00:34:07.720 --> 00:34:10.963
OK, but what do I really want?

463
00:34:17.480 --> 00:34:19.289
Give me a really big dick.

464
00:34:19.840 --> 00:34:20.966
Ouch!

465
00:34:21.680 --> 00:34:23.808
Ouch, not that big, obviously!

466
00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:26.402
Just... Dick, return to the old size.

467
00:34:28.520 --> 00:34:30.170
Oh!

468
00:34:32.360 --> 00:34:37.366
OK, um... Let me have a penis
that women find exciting.

469
00:34:40.360 --> 00:34:42.249
Yeah, it's good, yeah.
Can I have it in white?

470
00:34:43.360 --> 00:34:44.725
Right, OK, um...

471
00:34:45.920 --> 00:34:47.684
Let me have a really great body.

472
00:34:49.160 --> 00:34:50.366
Wow.

473
00:34:52.160 --> 00:34:53.207
No.

474
00:34:53.680 --> 00:34:56.729
Um, no, look, no, look,
give me the body of a great man.

475
00:34:58.680 --> 00:35:01.206
What the fuck? Not Albert Einstein.

476
00:35:02.360 --> 00:35:04.362
Let me have the great body of a man.

477
00:35:12.200 --> 00:35:15.204
Me be able to see
Catherine from downstairs, now.

478
00:35:29.240 --> 00:35:30.480
Shit.

479
00:35:33.040 --> 00:35:34.565
Let me not be able to see her.

480
00:35:35.080 --> 00:35:36.809
No, I don't mean me go blind.

481
00:35:37.720 --> 00:35:39.768
Let me be able to see
but floor be as it was.

482
00:35:45.320 --> 00:35:49.006
Uh, Catherine from downstairs,
forget what just happened.

483
00:35:57.160 --> 00:35:58.650
Move out of the way.

484
00:35:58.720 --> 00:36:00.609
Thank you. Quiet, please. Quietly.

485
00:36:12.160 --> 00:36:14.527
- Um. Ray?
- Hmm?

486
00:36:14.920 --> 00:36:18.925
You know earlier on we were talking
about being able to do anything?

487
00:36:19.000 --> 00:36:20.968
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, well, um...

488
00:36:21.800 --> 00:36:27.330
This is going to sound kind of stupid
but suddenly I can.

489
00:36:28.680 --> 00:36:30.330
- Can what?
- Do anything.

490
00:36:30.440 --> 00:36:31.646
Just make things happen.

491
00:36:31.760 --> 00:36:35.367
Things that shouldn't happen,
I just wave my hand and they do.

492
00:36:36.960 --> 00:36:38.166
You feeling OK?

493
00:36:39.120 --> 00:36:40.849
Yeah, um, just look.

494
00:36:44.840 --> 00:36:46.126
You, tell us who you were.

495
00:36:46.640 --> 00:36:49.564
You'll never believe this
but I was a conjuror!

496
00:36:50.120 --> 00:36:52.487
I went by the name of The Great Alfredo.

497
00:36:53.480 --> 00:36:55.289
Real name was Reg Hoskins.

498
00:36:55.800 --> 00:36:59.566
I did variety, clubs,
private parties, the lot.

499
00:36:59.640 --> 00:37:01.520
What is this?
3D projection or something, right?

500
00:37:01.840 --> 00:37:03.968
Course, it's all gone now.

501
00:37:04.000 --> 00:37:05.365
- I blame the wogs.
- Hey!

502
00:37:05.640 --> 00:37:07.483
All that black minstrel stuff.

503
00:37:08.000 --> 00:37:09.206
Once they started allowing that...

504
00:37:09.320 --> 00:37:10.560
That's not me, that's what I'm saying.
It's...

505
00:37:10.640 --> 00:37:13.484
Jews took over the business.
It was never the same again.

506
00:37:13.560 --> 00:37:15.164
Just go and jump out the window.

507
00:37:15.800 --> 00:37:17.529
Right-o. Watch this.

508
00:37:30.160 --> 00:37:31.207
What...

509
00:37:31.680 --> 00:37:34.251
- How did you do that?
- I don't know.

510
00:37:35.160 --> 00:37:37.242
I could swear it was the skeleton talking.

511
00:37:37.320 --> 00:37:39.891
- Yeah, it was.
- OK.

512
00:37:40.360 --> 00:37:41.566
Let me see you do another one.

513
00:37:42.160 --> 00:37:43.525
Well, what? I can't think of anything.

514
00:37:43.680 --> 00:37:47.526
Oh, come on.
You know, how about some flowers?

515
00:37:48.520 --> 00:37:50.363
Bunch of flowers in my hand.

516
00:37:50.440 --> 00:37:54.081
It's pathetic.
How about room be covered in flowers?

517
00:37:55.680 --> 00:37:56.886
Come on, Ray.

518
00:37:58.240 --> 00:38:00.208
Ray. Think of something more imaginative.

519
00:38:02.040 --> 00:38:05.647
Bloody hell, Palmer.
Did you just throw this out the window?

520
00:38:05.960 --> 00:38:08.327
Neil. Did you throw this out the window?

521
00:38:08.360 --> 00:38:09.646
That's very funny.

522
00:38:09.720 --> 00:38:12.240
What are you doing here?
Go on, get on home. I'll cover for you.

523
00:38:13.360 --> 00:38:14.646
Oh, my God.

524
00:38:17.720 --> 00:38:20.087
This is the best sandwich I've ever tasted.

525
00:38:20.720 --> 00:38:21.881
Told you.

526
00:38:22.240 --> 00:38:24.447
You know what? We could own a racehorse.

527
00:38:25.880 --> 00:38:28.724
Ray, we could own
every racehorse in the world.

528
00:38:28.760 --> 00:38:29.921
No shit.

529
00:38:38.880 --> 00:38:41.531
- We win every time?
- They're all ours.

530
00:38:42.600 --> 00:38:44.887
Let's forget about the horses.

531
00:38:44.920 --> 00:38:46.922
We could have anything, Neil.

532
00:38:47.000 --> 00:38:49.571
Wealth, fame. Women.

533
00:38:50.920 --> 00:38:53.890
We could make any woman
fall in love with us.

534
00:38:53.920 --> 00:38:56.526
Neil, any woman we want.

535
00:38:57.920 --> 00:39:00.844
Goodnight, Catherine.
See you later.

536
00:39:04.440 --> 00:39:06.124
Jump in, babe.

537
00:39:06.320 --> 00:39:08.607
Kerb crawling is illegal
in this country, Grant.

538
00:39:08.840 --> 00:39:11.605
That doesn't really apply to people
with my security clearance.

539
00:39:11.680 --> 00:39:13.400
Besides, how else are
you going to get home?

540
00:39:13.440 --> 00:39:14.930
On the Tube. Go away.

541
00:39:15.120 --> 00:39:18.602
The London Underground is worse than
anything we ever did in Guantanamo.

542
00:39:18.640 --> 00:39:21.291
- You don't deserve that.
- No, I don't deserve this, either.

543
00:39:21.360 --> 00:39:24.011
- Please, leave me alone.
- OK, OK, I get it.

544
00:39:24.120 --> 00:39:25.640
But you gotta let me down gently, huh?

545
00:39:26.160 --> 00:39:27.321
What does that mean?

546
00:39:28.640 --> 00:39:30.040
Well, there's somebody else, right?

547
00:39:30.440 --> 00:39:32.442
No, Grant, that's not what this is about.

548
00:39:32.680 --> 00:39:33.727
It's...

549
00:39:34.840 --> 00:39:36.330
You and I are not compatible.

550
00:39:38.200 --> 00:39:41.124
So, we could grab some
coffee, sit and talk.

551
00:39:41.640 --> 00:39:44.000
What would that even achieve?
There's nothing to talk about.

552
00:39:44.800 --> 00:39:47.201
Except for the luxury
apartment I rented for us.

553
00:39:47.320 --> 00:39:48.880
It's got a view of St Paul's Cathedral.

554
00:39:50.240 --> 00:39:52.811
Oh, my God. Go home, Grant.

555
00:39:53.560 --> 00:39:55.324
- Here's the key.
- I don't want it.

556
00:39:55.960 --> 00:39:57.166
And when I get you up there,

557
00:39:57.240 --> 00:40:00.164
you're going to think you died
and went to heaven.

558
00:40:38.520 --> 00:40:40.284
- Fuck Grant.
- Oh, yeah, fuck Grant.

559
00:40:40.360 --> 00:40:41.691
Fuck Grant.

560
00:40:45.320 --> 00:40:49.006
Fuck James Cleverill.

561
00:40:54.680 --> 00:40:56.569
Fuck all TV producers.

562
00:40:56.680 --> 00:40:58.921
Especially ones that say
you can sleep with them.

563
00:40:59.160 --> 00:41:00.969
But if I play my cards right.

564
00:41:11.040 --> 00:41:14.249
Why do I always end up
with the control freaks?

565
00:41:14.400 --> 00:41:15.845
- Or gays.
- Yeah.

566
00:41:16.560 --> 00:41:18.608
- Who?
- Him upstairs.

567
00:41:19.360 --> 00:41:20.850
Oh, honey, he's not gay.

568
00:41:21.840 --> 00:41:24.366
He's attractive. He's kind.

569
00:41:25.080 --> 00:41:26.445
Well, then, fuck him.

570
00:41:26.720 --> 00:41:29.564
- No, he's nice.
- No, I don't mean fuck him.

571
00:41:30.760 --> 00:41:33.240
I mean fuck him.

572
00:41:38.320 --> 00:41:40.288
- You mean fuck him?
- Yeah.

573
00:41:40.800 --> 00:41:42.928
- What, right now?
- No, not now.

574
00:41:43.840 --> 00:41:45.560
You've got to let me do your make-up first.

575
00:41:49.960 --> 00:41:52.691
<i>Malfunction.
Galactic power failure.</i>

576
00:41:53.440 --> 00:41:56.091
Bother, we'll have to suspend the test.

577
00:41:56.120 --> 00:41:58.441
- What?
- This is on the blink, Sharon.

578
00:41:58.760 --> 00:42:02.287
The earthling won't have galactic power
until I get it working again.

579
00:42:02.440 --> 00:42:03.680
Botheration!

580
00:42:04.040 --> 00:42:07.681
I thought our galactic powers
meant we could do anything?

581
00:42:13.120 --> 00:42:15.771
Catherine from downstairs,
be madly in love with me.

582
00:42:16.920 --> 00:42:18.206
That was quick.

583
00:42:22.720 --> 00:42:24.085
- Hi.
- Hi.

584
00:42:24.280 --> 00:42:26.567
- Um, you're not gay, are you?
- No, no.

585
00:42:36.640 --> 00:42:38.483
- Let's go to bed.
- OK.

586
00:42:43.520 --> 00:42:44.851
Oh, shit!

587
00:42:46.920 --> 00:42:48.331
Ow, my leg!

588
00:42:53.080 --> 00:42:54.320
Got it.

589
00:42:54.960 --> 00:42:58.567
<i>Galactic power
now returning to earthling.</i>

590
00:43:30.680 --> 00:43:33.411
Weather, be like it is in Los Angeles.

591
00:43:35.720 --> 00:43:38.769
I didn't mean be like it is in Los Angeles
right this moment.

592
00:43:38.880 --> 00:43:41.486
It's the middle of the night,
for crying out loud.

593
00:43:41.520 --> 00:43:43.887
Weather, be like it usually is

594
00:43:43.920 --> 00:43:46.207
in Los Angeles during the day.

595
00:43:47.640 --> 00:43:49.369
So pedantic.

596
00:43:53.200 --> 00:43:54.201
All right.

597
00:43:57.560 --> 00:43:59.449
Clothes, get dressed on me.

598
00:44:04.400 --> 00:44:05.765
And smarten yourselves up.

599
00:44:06.600 --> 00:44:07.647
Better.

600
00:44:31.920 --> 00:44:33.445
Miss Pringle, this really...

601
00:44:34.600 --> 00:44:35.840
has to stop.

602
00:44:36.240 --> 00:44:39.369
- Oh, Lord.
- Oh, Lord.

603
00:44:44.840 --> 00:44:46.922
Yeah.

604
00:44:48.280 --> 00:44:50.282
Ah. OK.

605
00:44:50.760 --> 00:44:53.047
That was a very interesting... Ow! Ow!

606
00:44:53.120 --> 00:44:54.770
Could you just stop that, please?

607
00:44:54.960 --> 00:44:58.282
You, stop tapping.
Let's just have a break, shall we? Just...

608
00:44:59.320 --> 00:45:01.368
Right, what's next?

609
00:45:02.200 --> 00:45:03.440
Ooh.

610
00:45:03.480 --> 00:45:06.051
This one's in German. Wow.

611
00:45:07.360 --> 00:45:10.489
Let me be able to understand German.

612
00:45:14.840 --> 00:45:17.207
What are you talking about, Dennis?

613
00:45:17.280 --> 00:45:20.124
Look, just shut up, OK? I can handle this.

614
00:45:20.840 --> 00:45:23.241
She's not going to ask me to marry her.

615
00:45:23.320 --> 00:45:26.722
Or have my children, OK?

616
00:45:26.800 --> 00:45:29.849
Dennis, what are you talking about?

617
00:45:33.240 --> 00:45:35.163
That's a good idea, actually.
What are you talking about?

618
00:45:35.400 --> 00:45:36.561
Dennis, be able to talk.

619
00:45:36.640 --> 00:45:37.926
Biscuits.

620
00:45:39.880 --> 00:45:41.928
- What?
- Biscuits.

621
00:45:42.000 --> 00:45:44.526
Maybe if I make her fall in love with me
like a little bit, you know,

622
00:45:44.640 --> 00:45:46.051
so she doesn't want to marry me

623
00:45:46.160 --> 00:45:47.400
- but she would have sex on a regular...
- Biscuits.

624
00:45:47.840 --> 00:45:50.491
- For crying out loud, they're in the cupboard.
- What are?

625
00:45:50.880 --> 00:45:53.690
Biscuits. Red biscuits, black biscuits.

626
00:45:53.760 --> 00:45:55.762
- Nothing else matters.
- Is that all you think about?

627
00:45:55.840 --> 00:45:57.604
Yes, yes! Biscuits.

628
00:45:59.680 --> 00:46:03.287
All right, Dennis,
become a rational, thinking creature.

629
00:46:03.840 --> 00:46:06.844
Look, I just can't concentrate on anything
until I've had one of those biscuits.

630
00:46:07.000 --> 00:46:09.960
I know it's crazy but that's how it is.
I guess I'm kind of hooked on them.

631
00:46:10.000 --> 00:46:11.843
So please give me just one biscuit,

632
00:46:11.880 --> 00:46:14.531
then I'll be able to think
about something else.

633
00:46:15.240 --> 00:46:16.366
That makes sense.

634
00:46:16.440 --> 00:46:18.841
Oh, oh, oh! He's getting the biscuits!
He's getting them! This is it!

635
00:46:18.920 --> 00:46:19.967
Yeah!

636
00:46:22.360 --> 00:46:24.203
He's got them.

637
00:46:24.280 --> 00:46:27.568
He's got them. He's going to throw one.
Get ready, get ready. Here it comes.

638
00:46:27.720 --> 00:46:29.768
Ah! Mmm. Mmm.

639
00:46:31.600 --> 00:46:36.083
God, it must be terrible being a dog.
I never realised you had so many cravings.

640
00:46:36.200 --> 00:46:38.726
- It's no worse than you and that bitch.
- What bitch?

641
00:46:38.760 --> 00:46:40.922
The bitch you were shagging last night.

642
00:46:41.040 --> 00:46:45.329
Oh, my God. She's not a bitch, OK?
She's a lovely human female.

643
00:46:45.400 --> 00:46:46.561
And we weren't just shagging.

644
00:46:46.640 --> 00:46:49.246
Right. Come to think of it, I wouldn't
mind shagging your leg right now.

645
00:46:49.280 --> 00:46:51.480
A little leg dance, huh?
Just above the sock.

646
00:46:51.560 --> 00:46:53.289
- Ah...
- How about it? Come on, Daddy.

647
00:46:53.400 --> 00:46:56.244
I thought I turned you into
a rational, thinking creature.

648
00:46:56.600 --> 00:46:58.807
Rational, thinking creatures
still have desires.

649
00:46:59.160 --> 00:47:00.924
Oh, well,
we can soon deal with that.

650
00:47:01.000 --> 00:47:02.240
No!

651
00:47:02.480 --> 00:47:05.643
- No, no, don't take my desires away from me.
- Why not?

652
00:47:05.720 --> 00:47:09.167
They're what makes my life worth living.
Biscuits, shagging.

653
00:47:09.280 --> 00:47:11.567
I don't think I like your conversation.

654
00:47:11.680 --> 00:47:14.490
But I worship you, master.
I love you so much.

655
00:47:14.600 --> 00:47:16.170
- I can't bear displeasing you.
- I... I know.

656
00:47:16.240 --> 00:47:17.810
- My whole world collapses...
- I know. Yes. I love you.

657
00:47:17.920 --> 00:47:18.921
...when you're cross with me.

658
00:47:18.960 --> 00:47:20.166
Look, maybe it was better
when you didn't talk.

659
00:47:20.320 --> 00:47:23.483
Oh, no, don't take away my power of speech
now that I can think rationally.

660
00:47:23.600 --> 00:47:24.965
That would be so cruel.

661
00:47:26.440 --> 00:47:27.805
- I heard the bell. Somebody at the door.
- OK, no...

662
00:47:27.920 --> 00:47:29.763
- The bell! Hey! The bell!
- No, no. Dennis. Dennis, good dog.

663
00:47:29.840 --> 00:47:30.921
- Hello, the bell!
- Dennis... Dennis.

664
00:47:30.960 --> 00:47:32.086
- Hey, hey, somebody.
- Just... Just quiet.

665
00:47:32.200 --> 00:47:34.362
There it goes again.
Hey, hey, somebody at the door.

666
00:47:34.440 --> 00:47:36.169
Oh, no, have I done something wrong again?

667
00:47:36.280 --> 00:47:38.248
No, just... Just be quiet.
Do you understand me?

668
00:47:39.400 --> 00:47:42.165
Yes. Yes, anything to stop you
being angry with me.

669
00:47:42.240 --> 00:47:43.810
The bell! There it goes again!

670
00:47:43.960 --> 00:47:45.086
Hey, hey, hey, hey!

671
00:47:45.120 --> 00:47:47.248
Dennis, listen. Just listen,
listen, listen, listen.

672
00:47:47.280 --> 00:47:49.169
Be quiet. That is an order.

673
00:47:49.280 --> 00:47:51.442
Right. Quiet.

674
00:47:51.480 --> 00:47:54.290
I like obeying orders,
especially your orders.

675
00:47:54.400 --> 00:47:57.165
Good. Well, then, shut the fuck up.

676
00:47:57.280 --> 00:47:59.760
Right, right. Shut the fuck up.
Yeah, right.

677
00:48:03.120 --> 00:48:04.281
Good boy.

678
00:48:08.960 --> 00:48:14.808
Oh, God, I made her do it.
I made her do it... I... OK.

679
00:48:16.000 --> 00:48:18.128
- Hi.
- Hey.

680
00:48:18.160 --> 00:48:21.004
- Can I come in?
- Yes, yes, yes, yes, of course.

681
00:48:23.360 --> 00:48:27.126
- So, look, um, about last night...
- Yes.

682
00:48:27.200 --> 00:48:29.441
- Is this a bad time?
- No, no. No, no.

683
00:48:29.480 --> 00:48:31.448
OK. Um, I just... I don't want you to think

684
00:48:31.480 --> 00:48:34.802
that I, um, do that sort
of thing all the time

685
00:48:34.840 --> 00:48:37.411
because... Because I don't.

686
00:48:37.480 --> 00:48:40.324
- Um... I was slightly drunk.
- Yeah, well, I mean, naturally.

687
00:48:40.400 --> 00:48:42.323
Otherwise we probably wouldn't have
done the thing with the...

688
00:48:42.360 --> 00:48:44.010
- No, no, no, that's not what I mean.
- ...beard trimmer.

689
00:48:44.040 --> 00:48:48.045
I mean, I like you.
I, um, I've always really enjoyed talking to you.

690
00:48:48.160 --> 00:48:51.562
I just... I probably wouldn't have jumped
on you like that if I hadn't...

691
00:48:52.480 --> 00:48:56.041
- Been pissed as a newt?
- Well, sort of.

692
00:48:56.200 --> 00:48:58.965
Yeah, OK. Well, then, let's just forget it.
It never... It never happened.

693
00:48:59.000 --> 00:49:00.809
No, no, no, that's not
what I'm saying, Neil.

694
00:49:01.360 --> 00:49:03.522
Oh, well, um, what did you want, then?

695
00:49:04.200 --> 00:49:05.690
Shag her, Neil!

696
00:49:06.040 --> 00:49:07.644
That's Dennis.

697
00:49:09.320 --> 00:49:12.210
- Dennis?
- Yeah. He is a plumber.

698
00:49:12.240 --> 00:49:15.050
Um, I'm having a few problems
with my waterworks. My water pipes.

699
00:49:15.160 --> 00:49:16.366
Shag her, Neil!

700
00:49:17.840 --> 00:49:20.680
I'd better get him the shagger.
It's a special wrench that plumbers use.

701
00:49:24.040 --> 00:49:25.371
I thought
I told you to shut up.

702
00:49:25.440 --> 00:49:27.602
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry, sorry.

703
00:49:27.720 --> 00:49:29.370
You're supposed to be
a rational, thinking creature.

704
00:49:29.440 --> 00:49:32.284
Sorry, sorry. Can't help myself. Sorry.
Oh, dear. I wanna shag your leg.

705
00:49:32.400 --> 00:49:34.448
Shh. It's not a great time,
to be honest.

706
00:49:34.560 --> 00:49:36.050
Maybe later, if you behave.

707
00:49:36.080 --> 00:49:37.206
Oh...

708
00:49:37.240 --> 00:49:41.689
Oh... Couldn't... Couldn't find the shagger,
so he just went with the old decoupler.

709
00:49:41.720 --> 00:49:43.370
I love you, Neil!

710
00:49:43.400 --> 00:49:45.528
Shut up, Dennis!

711
00:49:45.840 --> 00:49:48.047
It's odd, isn't it,
shouting at the plumber like that?

712
00:49:48.080 --> 00:49:51.527
But, uh, the fact is he's my brother.
The plumber is my brother.

713
00:49:51.560 --> 00:49:53.961
Say you love me, Neil.

714
00:49:54.080 --> 00:49:55.241
And we're very close.

715
00:49:55.280 --> 00:49:57.408
- God, Rosie was right.
- Rosie?

716
00:49:57.520 --> 00:49:59.966
Please can I shag your leg?

717
00:50:00.440 --> 00:50:03.205
Jesus, Neil, how could you?
The next morning!

718
00:50:03.440 --> 00:50:04.726
What? I...

719
00:50:04.880 --> 00:50:08.441
- Why do I always end up with creeps?
- I'm not a creep!

720
00:50:08.480 --> 00:50:11.484
There was a cat, Neil!
Neil! Hey, you, cat!

721
00:50:11.600 --> 00:50:14.410
Stay out of my garden, go on!
Neil, it's a ginger tom!

722
00:50:16.080 --> 00:50:18.287
Dennis, be a dumb animal again
for five minutes.

723
00:50:21.440 --> 00:50:23.408
So she thinks I'm gay.

724
00:50:23.440 --> 00:50:25.886
I mean, so what, you know?

725
00:50:25.920 --> 00:50:29.129
I mean, it means that she won't want to
marry me or have my kids.

726
00:50:30.120 --> 00:50:32.282
Bingo. Problem solved.

727
00:50:33.120 --> 00:50:34.645
Thank you, Dennis.

728
00:50:40.840 --> 00:50:42.126
Catherine!

729
00:50:45.840 --> 00:50:47.604
Catherine!

730
00:50:49.960 --> 00:50:52.167
Um, me be on the bus.

731
00:50:54.920 --> 00:50:57.924
Ah! I don't mean on the bus.
I mean in the bus.

732
00:51:00.360 --> 00:51:03.648
Not in the engine.
In the passenger accommodation!

733
00:51:05.760 --> 00:51:07.330
Ow!

734
00:51:10.480 --> 00:51:11.641
Hey!

735
00:51:12.600 --> 00:51:13.647
Catherine!

736
00:51:23.800 --> 00:51:25.484
Catherine!

737
00:51:25.840 --> 00:51:27.330
Catherine!

738
00:51:27.720 --> 00:51:28.846
Whoa.

739
00:51:28.880 --> 00:51:30.962
- Ray.
- You've gotta stop Miss Pringle.

740
00:51:31.000 --> 00:51:33.731
She's... She's set up shrines
all over the school.

741
00:51:33.840 --> 00:51:35.171
There's even a website.

742
00:51:35.320 --> 00:51:36.810
Look, you wanted her to worship you, OK?

743
00:51:36.840 --> 00:51:38.842
- Not like this.
- Ray, I don't have time for this.

744
00:51:39.040 --> 00:51:40.849
Wait, wait, wait.
You haven't lost the powers, have you?

745
00:51:40.960 --> 00:51:43.201
- No, I haven't lost the powers. Ray.
- You have. You've lost the...

746
00:51:43.320 --> 00:51:44.367
- I haven't lost the powers.
- Do the thing.

747
00:51:44.400 --> 00:51:45.890
Ray, become a duck.

748
00:51:48.880 --> 00:51:53.920
Ray. Ray, stop it. Ray, stop it.
Ray, stop it. Ray, become a sausage.

749
00:51:54.400 --> 00:51:58.200
- I haven't lost the powers, Ray, OK? This is...
- Where is he, Neil?

750
00:51:58.680 --> 00:52:01.047
Oh. That's his car.

751
00:52:01.360 --> 00:52:04.842
Oh. Behold the car of Ray!

752
00:52:08.360 --> 00:52:11.170
- Catherine, can we talk?
- No.

753
00:52:11.200 --> 00:52:12.611
But I love you.

754
00:52:12.720 --> 00:52:14.529
You also love Dennis, apparently.

755
00:52:14.560 --> 00:52:16.927
- Did you take that off there?
- Uh, no, this is mine.

756
00:52:17.040 --> 00:52:18.405
- Yours?
- Yeah.

757
00:52:18.520 --> 00:52:20.170
Look, you've got it all wrong about Dennis.

758
00:52:20.240 --> 00:52:23.881
I've nothing whatsoever against Dennis.
You love him, he loves you.

759
00:52:23.960 --> 00:52:26.120
I'm happy for both of you.
Just don't bring me into it.

760
00:52:26.240 --> 00:52:28.402
Yeah, no, but there's something I need
to tell you about Dennis.

761
00:52:28.440 --> 00:52:30.522
You are going to have to pay for that
now that you've touched it.

762
00:52:30.560 --> 00:52:32.164
- It's mine!
- No, it isn't.

763
00:52:32.240 --> 00:52:33.685
Look, I heard what you
said to each other, Neil.

764
00:52:33.720 --> 00:52:36.007
Yeah, look. There's something crucial
about Dennis you don't know.

765
00:52:36.080 --> 00:52:37.081
- Hey!
- He's not a man.

766
00:52:37.200 --> 00:52:38.361
I don't want to hear this, Neil.

767
00:52:38.480 --> 00:52:39.891
I know, but I'm just saying,
he's not a man.

768
00:52:39.920 --> 00:52:41.763
Ow! Ah! Hell's tits!

769
00:52:41.880 --> 00:52:43.245
- You pervert!
- Ow!

770
00:52:43.320 --> 00:52:44.800
You come in here and steal our stuff?

771
00:52:44.840 --> 00:52:45.887
I told you, that's not your sausage.

772
00:52:45.920 --> 00:52:48.161
- It is my sausage. Give it back.
- Get off. Be careful, be careful.

773
00:52:48.240 --> 00:52:49.765
- Just let go!
- Oh, God!

774
00:52:49.840 --> 00:52:52.411
- Give me 80p.
- Fine.

775
00:52:54.000 --> 00:52:56.048
- I'll just get your change.
- No, it's... Never mind. It's...

776
00:52:56.080 --> 00:52:57.411
Well, no, cos it's £4.20.

777
00:52:57.440 --> 00:52:59.442
- Keep it.
- It's too much for a tip.

778
00:52:59.560 --> 00:53:02.450
- Have it your way.
- I should think so, too. Jesus.

779
00:53:04.600 --> 00:53:07.285
Feck. Sausage, become Ray.

780
00:53:07.920 --> 00:53:12.403
Jesus, Neil. Have you any idea
how vulnerable a sausage feels?

781
00:53:12.680 --> 00:53:13.886
There he is!

782
00:53:15.440 --> 00:53:16.930
I'm off!

783
00:53:17.360 --> 00:53:19.761
- Leave me alone, you nutters!
- Ray! Ray!

784
00:53:19.920 --> 00:53:22.400
Here you go. You must have been hungry.

785
00:53:25.440 --> 00:53:28.808
It's clear he has no idea of doing
any good whatsoever.

786
00:53:29.040 --> 00:53:32.965
Why can't we just get on
with the destruction?

787
00:53:33.040 --> 00:53:35.122
Because there are rules, Maureen.

788
00:53:35.200 --> 00:53:37.043
We must follow galactic procedure.

789
00:53:37.120 --> 00:53:41.808
Rules didn't stop you from eating
the inhabitants of G4378, Janet!

790
00:53:41.920 --> 00:53:44.440
They were delicious.
Very crunchy, as I recall...

791
00:53:49.920 --> 00:53:51.649
- Surprise, surprise!
- Oh, my God!

792
00:53:51.760 --> 00:53:53.808
- No!
- Wait. Wait, wait. Catherine!

793
00:53:55.400 --> 00:53:56.401
You're crazy, do you know that?

794
00:53:56.600 --> 00:53:59.080
Crazy in love, darlin'.

795
00:53:59.240 --> 00:54:01.129
Get out of my flat, Grant.

796
00:54:01.160 --> 00:54:02.650
Well, I can't because
you've locked the door now, babe.

797
00:54:02.800 --> 00:54:04.609
Well, then, get out the way you got in.

798
00:54:04.640 --> 00:54:07.849
Oh, honey, come on, now. That ain't nice!

799
00:54:07.960 --> 00:54:11.169
Just get out, Grant.
I never want to see you again!

800
00:54:11.280 --> 00:54:12.964
Get out of my life!

801
00:54:13.000 --> 00:54:14.650
Get out!

802
00:54:15.120 --> 00:54:17.248
Come on, now, open the door.

803
00:54:17.320 --> 00:54:20.000
Sorry. Sorry about the noise.

804
00:54:20.680 --> 00:54:22.364
At least it wasn't barking.

805
00:54:22.440 --> 00:54:24.329
Feck off. Not you.

806
00:54:24.360 --> 00:54:25.885
- Walk out the front door, OK?
- Honey!

807
00:54:25.960 --> 00:54:27.883
Then sneak in the back.
Make your way up to my place. No moves.

808
00:54:27.960 --> 00:54:30.440
- No, no, no funny business.
- Come on. Let the love shine through.

809
00:54:30.520 --> 00:54:31.851
You can just stay out of his way

810
00:54:31.920 --> 00:54:33.843
- and I will make you dinner.
- Love me!

811
00:54:34.480 --> 00:54:36.209
- I hate doors!
- All right.

812
00:54:36.320 --> 00:54:37.810
But invite Dennis.
We'll behave like grown-ups.

813
00:54:37.840 --> 00:54:39.524
- Catherine?
- OK.

814
00:54:39.640 --> 00:54:41.440
- Catherine, come back.
- I'm leaving!

815
00:54:41.480 --> 00:54:45.644
OK. I'm coming!
Hold on. Wait for me, now.

816
00:54:48.280 --> 00:54:49.850
She's coming to dinner!

817
00:54:49.880 --> 00:54:52.281
<i>This episode looks at doggy fantasies.</i>

818
00:54:52.360 --> 00:54:54.727
Whoa. Hey! It was just about to start.

819
00:54:54.800 --> 00:54:56.882
She's coming to dinner.

820
00:54:56.960 --> 00:54:59.327
- Who?
- Catherine.

821
00:54:59.360 --> 00:55:01.044
Oh, the bitch.

822
00:55:01.160 --> 00:55:04.881
Don't call her that, all right?
I don't want you chipping in, either, OK?

823
00:55:05.000 --> 00:55:06.843
Just pretend to be a dumb animal again.

824
00:55:07.240 --> 00:55:08.571
Me? A dumb animal?

825
00:55:08.720 --> 00:55:10.643
Yeah, well, you know how to pretend,
don't you?

826
00:55:10.800 --> 00:55:12.211
It's just... It's called acting.

827
00:55:12.240 --> 00:55:14.240
Oh, you mean like when I'm having
my tummy tickled?

828
00:55:14.640 --> 00:55:17.723
- You love having your tummy tickled.
- No, I don't.

829
00:55:18.520 --> 00:55:21.091
- What?
- It's a sham, Neil. All dogs do it.

830
00:55:21.640 --> 00:55:25.042
- Why?
- Why do humans like tickling dogs' tummies?

831
00:55:25.240 --> 00:55:27.004
Because they love
having their tummies tickled.

832
00:55:27.080 --> 00:55:31.369
Uh-uh. Dogs pretend to like it because
they know human beings like doing it.

833
00:55:32.240 --> 00:55:37.087
Well, just pretend to be
a perfectly ordinary dog, OK?

834
00:55:37.240 --> 00:55:39.561
Can't I join in the
conversation just a little bit?

835
00:55:39.600 --> 00:55:42.922
- No.
- That is so cruel.

836
00:55:44.600 --> 00:55:48.286
Somebody at the door! Hey! Hey! It's the bell!
It's the bell! It's the bell! It's the bell!

837
00:55:48.360 --> 00:55:50.761
- I know it's the bell, Dennis.
- Right. No, no, sorry.

838
00:55:50.880 --> 00:55:54.407
Just one more peep out of you, OK,
and the flea collar is going back on again.

839
00:55:55.080 --> 00:55:58.050
Right, right, right.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

840
00:55:58.120 --> 00:55:59.360
Bark.

841
00:56:00.400 --> 00:56:01.606
Woof.

842
00:56:02.120 --> 00:56:03.451
Do it properly.

843
00:56:03.920 --> 00:56:06.969
Yeah, good. OK, thank you.

844
00:56:07.080 --> 00:56:08.525
Got it.

845
00:56:10.040 --> 00:56:11.121
- Hi.
- Has he gone?

846
00:56:11.200 --> 00:56:12.565
No, I don't think so.

847
00:56:13.040 --> 00:56:14.883
- Ooh!
- Dennis, down.

848
00:56:15.800 --> 00:56:18.280
You named him after the plumber,
then, did you?

849
00:56:18.360 --> 00:56:19.771
Uh...

850
00:56:21.240 --> 00:56:24.244
Ah. Do you want your tummy tickled?

851
00:56:24.800 --> 00:56:27.246
Why do dogs like that so much?

852
00:56:28.560 --> 00:56:30.050
I don't know.

853
00:56:34.880 --> 00:56:37.645
So the producer promises to take me
out of the general office

854
00:56:37.720 --> 00:56:40.166
and give me a big desk with a view,
but he won't.

855
00:56:40.480 --> 00:56:43.643
He's just trying to get me into bed.

856
00:56:46.240 --> 00:56:47.844
What did you want to tell me?

857
00:56:48.560 --> 00:56:50.324
Uh, just try this first.

858
00:57:02.520 --> 00:57:03.601
Mmm.

859
00:57:06.160 --> 00:57:07.525
Oh, that's incredible.

860
00:57:09.800 --> 00:57:13.282
That's the most wonderful thing
I've ever tasted in my life.

861
00:57:16.000 --> 00:57:21.166
Mmm. I had no idea you were
such a fantastic cook.

862
00:57:21.200 --> 00:57:24.841
I've... I've... It's unlike anything
I've ever tasted. What is it?

863
00:57:25.560 --> 00:57:29.360
I just said, "Let the soup be the most
amazing thing Catherine has ever tasted,

864
00:57:29.480 --> 00:57:31.369
"unlike anything she's tasted before."

865
00:57:31.400 --> 00:57:34.847
- And it is.
- Really?

866
00:57:34.880 --> 00:57:41.843
Really. I can make things happen. Anything.

867
00:57:43.080 --> 00:57:45.003
That's what I was trying to tell you
this morning, you know?

868
00:57:45.040 --> 00:57:47.327
I wasn't talking to a live-in
homosexual plumber.

869
00:57:47.400 --> 00:57:49.050
I was talking to Dennis.

870
00:57:49.880 --> 00:57:51.848
- The dog?
- Dennis the dog.

871
00:57:52.720 --> 00:57:57.408
- Who answered you back?
- Yeah, because I made him talk.

872
00:57:59.280 --> 00:58:01.567
- Oh.
- With my powers.

873
00:58:03.080 --> 00:58:04.605
Special powers?

874
00:58:05.880 --> 00:58:08.360
I mean, what, you... You want a bigger desk?
You got it.

875
00:58:08.440 --> 00:58:10.249
You want a great view? You got it.

876
00:58:11.240 --> 00:58:15.928
Um... Neil, how long have you had
these special powers?

877
00:58:16.560 --> 00:58:18.369
Well, they came upon me very suddenly.

878
00:58:18.440 --> 00:58:21.762
- Very suddenly?
- Yeah, I was knocked off my bike.

879
00:58:22.400 --> 00:58:23.765
Just ask me to do something, anything.

880
00:58:23.800 --> 00:58:27.088
- Just, you know...
- Listen, Neil, it's... It's OK.

881
00:58:27.800 --> 00:58:29.211
You can get help with this.

882
00:58:29.280 --> 00:58:30.770
Son of a bitch!

883
00:58:30.960 --> 00:58:32.121
Oh!

884
00:58:32.400 --> 00:58:33.811
Shit, Grant!

885
00:58:33.920 --> 00:58:35.081
I'm out of here!

886
00:58:35.240 --> 00:58:37.607
- There's nobody else, huh?
- Who is this guy?

887
00:58:37.640 --> 00:58:39.927
She didn't tell you? I'm her fiancé.

888
00:58:39.960 --> 00:58:41.644
- You're not my fiancé, Grant.
- Oh, yeah?

889
00:58:41.760 --> 00:58:44.081
And you weren't just making out
with this apology of a man?

890
00:58:44.120 --> 00:58:45.406
Stop this.

891
00:58:45.560 --> 00:58:47.403
You know how long you'd last
on a battlefield, soldier?

892
00:58:47.440 --> 00:58:48.601
I'm sorry, Neil.

893
00:58:48.640 --> 00:58:50.722
- That long.
- I'm warning you.

894
00:58:51.120 --> 00:58:53.600
- You're warning me?
- Yeah, I'm warning you.

895
00:58:53.640 --> 00:58:55.244
Who is this guy?

896
00:58:55.320 --> 00:58:57.243
- Why don't you suck on this, asshole?
- Grant!

897
00:58:57.560 --> 00:59:00.450
All I have to do is go like this and...
And say what?

898
00:59:00.480 --> 00:59:03.802
- Where did you find this fruitcake?
- Put that away, Grant.

899
00:59:03.920 --> 00:59:06.082
Uh, what can I say? Grant, become a fairy?

900
00:59:06.160 --> 00:59:08.640
- It's Grant, not...
- ...Grant.

901
00:59:08.760 --> 00:59:10.728
- Stop it.
- And you're the goddamn fairy.

902
00:59:10.880 --> 00:59:12.769
How about Grant go back
to where you came from?

903
00:59:12.800 --> 00:59:15.201
- It's Grant.
- How about kiss my arse, Grant?

904
00:59:15.320 --> 00:59:16.970
Neil, don't. He's crazy.

905
00:59:17.040 --> 00:59:20.647
How about you say, "Please, Grant,
don't put a bullet through my brain?"

906
00:59:20.720 --> 00:59:24.611
- Grant, stop it!
- I prefer, "Let all bullets bounce off me."

907
00:59:24.800 --> 00:59:28.441
- Go on, shoot me.
- Oh, my God. You're both crazy.

908
00:59:28.480 --> 00:59:30.562
- He doesn't dare.
- Neil, please, please.

909
00:59:30.640 --> 00:59:33.246
Go on, pull the trigger.
What's the matter, "Grant"?

910
00:59:33.320 --> 00:59:34.651
- Shut up.
- Go on, shoot me.

911
00:59:34.840 --> 00:59:36.285
- Neil, he will.
- No, he won't.

912
00:59:36.320 --> 00:59:39.290
- Yes, I will.
- No, you won't. Grant, drop the gun.

913
00:59:39.320 --> 00:59:41.322
You little shit!

914
00:59:43.160 --> 00:59:44.969
You're idiots, both of you.

915
00:59:45.000 --> 00:59:46.081
I wouldn't do this if I were you.

916
00:59:46.160 --> 00:59:47.161
"I wouldn't do
this if I were you."

917
00:59:47.280 --> 00:59:48.406
God, I hate the English.

918
00:59:53.520 --> 00:59:56.000
Let Grant's arm break if
he tries to throttle me.

919
00:59:56.120 --> 00:59:57.770
Shut up. It's Grant!

920
00:59:57.840 --> 00:59:59.683
Oh!

921
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:01.604
Help! Help! Help!

922
01:00:01.680 --> 01:00:02.841
Who the heck was that?

923
01:00:02.920 --> 01:00:05.002
Uh, that's Dennis.

924
01:00:05.160 --> 01:00:06.207
Ow.

925
01:00:09.520 --> 01:00:14.686
It's just a dog! English dick.

926
01:00:15.520 --> 01:00:19.127
- Ow! Ow... Shit! Shit! What happened?
- Yeah, yeah.

927
01:00:19.200 --> 01:00:21.726
- Do you want me to make it better?
- It hurts.

928
01:00:21.800 --> 01:00:23.484
Grant's arm be better.

929
01:00:26.640 --> 01:00:29.211
Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, what is this?

930
01:00:30.040 --> 01:00:32.008
Grant be stuck on the ceiling.

931
01:00:32.200 --> 01:00:33.565
Oh, shit!

932
01:00:33.680 --> 01:00:34.920
Grant be plastered to the wall.

933
01:00:35.960 --> 01:00:38.167
Wait, wait, wait. Let's talk about this.

934
01:00:38.200 --> 01:00:40.521
Grant be buried head
first in the plant pot.

935
01:00:40.560 --> 01:00:42.050
What do you mean, potted plant?

936
01:00:44.720 --> 01:00:46.882
Grant be standing in front of me.

937
01:00:51.400 --> 01:00:54.404
Yeah. You wanna be nice to me, Grant, OK?

938
01:00:54.480 --> 01:00:55.686
Maybe I can help you.

939
01:00:55.920 --> 01:01:00.403
- You?
- I could make your life absolutely hell

940
01:01:00.520 --> 01:01:03.251
or I could say,
"Grant be holding a million dollars."

941
01:01:06.920 --> 01:01:10.049
Oh, yeah!

942
01:01:10.160 --> 01:01:12.686
Or I could say,
"A million dollars, disappear."

943
01:01:13.520 --> 01:01:14.601
Fuck! Come on!

944
01:01:15.920 --> 01:01:19.447
I can do anything.
All I have to do is wave my hand.

945
01:01:20.440 --> 01:01:22.681
- You gotta wave your hand?
- That's right.

946
01:01:23.240 --> 01:01:25.925
Isn't he great? I love you.
I love you so much.

947
01:01:26.000 --> 01:01:28.367
- Dennis, keep out of this.
- But you are great, Neil.

948
01:01:28.520 --> 01:01:30.727
- You can do anything.
- Dennis, shut up. I'm not...

949
01:01:30.760 --> 01:01:32.888
Master! Neil!

950
01:01:40.680 --> 01:01:44.366
- Hi. Made your mind up yet?
- How about tonight?

951
01:01:44.800 --> 01:01:46.450
Good girl. 8:00, my place.

952
01:01:46.560 --> 01:01:48.961
Yeah. I always pick the wrong guy, anyway.

953
01:01:49.080 --> 01:01:52.448
Oh, and, uh, I got you a new desk.

954
01:02:28.480 --> 01:02:29.561
Hey!

955
01:02:29.680 --> 01:02:35.130
Well, it's about time. Now, listen up.
When I take that gag out of your mouth,

956
01:02:35.160 --> 01:02:38.323
you're going to say exactly what's on that
piece of paper, you understand?

957
01:02:38.480 --> 01:02:44.123
The moment you say a word that is not on
that piece of paper, I kill the dog.

958
01:02:45.160 --> 01:02:46.680
Don't let him shoot me, Neil.

959
01:02:46.760 --> 01:02:48.524
Understand? Nod if you understand.

960
01:02:50.920 --> 01:02:57.485
OK. OK. I'm going to take the gag out now.
Remember, one wrong word

961
01:02:58.960 --> 01:03:00.689
and the dog gets it.

962
01:03:02.880 --> 01:03:09.365
OK, read. Item number one, let's go.
Come on.

963
01:03:09.520 --> 01:03:12.126
"Item number one.
All pasty white Englishmen...

964
01:03:12.200 --> 01:03:15.044
"Pasty white Englishmen to get big ears
and webbed feet?"

965
01:03:18.720 --> 01:03:21.041
- Now wave your hand.
- What?

966
01:03:21.120 --> 01:03:22.724
Wave your hand!

967
01:03:22.880 --> 01:03:24.644
Oh!

968
01:03:27.400 --> 01:03:29.687
Yes! Yes! Oh, it's beautiful.

969
01:03:39.160 --> 01:03:42.164
Neil! Neil!

970
01:03:50.240 --> 01:03:51.571
Neil?

971
01:04:01.360 --> 01:04:02.885
Neil?

972
01:04:09.920 --> 01:04:11.081
Oh!

973
01:04:12.280 --> 01:04:13.441
You don't worship me, do you?

974
01:04:13.560 --> 01:04:17.246
What? Ray. You're Ray.

975
01:04:19.200 --> 01:04:20.770
- I can't find Neil.
- Isn't he here?

976
01:04:21.240 --> 01:04:22.366
He wasn't at school, either.

977
01:04:22.440 --> 01:04:25.091
Oh, I left him with my crazy,
gun-toting ex-boyfriend.

978
01:04:26.280 --> 01:04:28.362
- Neil's got these powers.
- No, I know, I know.

979
01:04:28.440 --> 01:04:29.521
Oh.

980
01:04:29.600 --> 01:04:33.446
He got Miss Pringle to... To worship me
and now she's turned me into a religion.

981
01:04:33.880 --> 01:04:35.962
- They think I'm immortal.
- So what?

982
01:04:36.720 --> 01:04:39.724
They want me to prove it
by rising from the dead.

983
01:04:41.360 --> 01:04:42.771
We've got to find Neil.

984
01:04:43.960 --> 01:04:45.610
Wait.

985
01:04:47.400 --> 01:04:49.641
Hey! Hey!

986
01:04:50.120 --> 01:04:51.645
What are you doing?

987
01:04:54.480 --> 01:04:55.925
No...

988
01:04:57.040 --> 01:04:58.121
Got it.

989
01:04:58.800 --> 01:05:00.325
- Where's your car?
- Why?

990
01:05:00.400 --> 01:05:01.606
I know where they are.

991
01:05:04.480 --> 01:05:07.006
It's just out here. We can... Shit!

992
01:05:07.640 --> 01:05:08.846
Lord.

993
01:05:08.920 --> 01:05:10.445
Oh, no. Run for it!

994
01:05:11.840 --> 01:05:14.684
Get him! Lord!

995
01:05:16.560 --> 01:05:17.800
Yeah!

996
01:05:17.960 --> 01:05:21.089
This is working beautifully.
OK, keep going. Number three. Let's go.

997
01:05:21.520 --> 01:05:27.527
OK. "Three. All British police
to have pink uniforms."

998
01:05:27.640 --> 01:05:29.608
My personal favourite.

999
01:05:32.000 --> 01:05:33.764
Ray!

1000
01:05:34.000 --> 01:05:36.480
Lord! Come to us!

1001
01:05:37.760 --> 01:05:40.525
Ray! Ray!

1002
01:05:45.480 --> 01:05:47.005
What's this all about?

1003
01:05:47.800 --> 01:05:51.043
Oi!

1004
01:05:51.640 --> 01:05:52.880
Take that off!

1005
01:06:01.680 --> 01:06:02.727
There he is!

1006
01:06:33.640 --> 01:06:38.567
Oh! Oh... Oh, it's beautiful.

1007
01:06:38.680 --> 01:06:40.409
I can't believe it. All right, next one.

1008
01:06:40.440 --> 01:06:42.124
Come on, read.

1009
01:06:42.200 --> 01:06:45.204
"Let all traffic lights be
permanently set on green."

1010
01:06:45.400 --> 01:06:46.765
Come on. That's just...

1011
01:06:46.880 --> 01:06:49.326
Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey.

1012
01:06:49.440 --> 01:06:51.568
Huh? Do it, do it.

1013
01:06:55.440 --> 01:06:56.930
Wait. Now, listen.

1014
01:07:07.560 --> 01:07:09.050
All right.

1015
01:07:13.640 --> 01:07:15.440
Grant, are you in there?

1016
01:07:15.960 --> 01:07:19.169
Skip to the end. Hurry up.
Just skip to the end!

1017
01:07:20.040 --> 01:07:24.045
Skip to the end. Just...
There. Come on, quick. Read it.

1018
01:07:24.120 --> 01:07:28.011
Uh, uh... OK, OK,
"Item 417, Catherine West..."

1019
01:07:28.320 --> 01:07:29.367
- Come on.
- All right.

1020
01:07:30.320 --> 01:07:32.004
Let them go, Grant.

1021
01:07:32.080 --> 01:07:35.527
Why should I?
Go on, Neil. Read the last item.

1022
01:07:36.280 --> 01:07:41.730
"Item 417, Catherine West be madly, deeply
in love with Colonel Grant Kotchev

1023
01:07:42.280 --> 01:07:44.726
"and leap on him like a tigress
begging for sex."

1024
01:07:47.120 --> 01:07:50.044
- You bastard.
- Now, come on, now.

1025
01:07:50.120 --> 01:07:51.451
Wave your hand. Come on.

1026
01:07:51.520 --> 01:07:53.648
- Neil, don't!
- Or the dog gets it!

1027
01:07:53.720 --> 01:07:55.006
Don't let him shoot me, Neil.

1028
01:07:55.080 --> 01:07:56.445
Come on, wave your goddamn hand!

1029
01:07:56.560 --> 01:07:59.211
But I don't want to love him, Neil.
I don't want to go anywhere near him.

1030
01:07:59.280 --> 01:08:00.850
I don't wanna die.

1031
01:08:02.680 --> 01:08:04.250
Yeah.

1032
01:08:04.800 --> 01:08:09.727
Grant, I love you.
Please, please, let's have sex now.

1033
01:08:09.800 --> 01:08:11.165
Oh, yeah.

1034
01:08:14.280 --> 01:08:15.406
Dennis, be free.

1035
01:08:15.480 --> 01:08:17.084
I'm free! I'm free!

1036
01:08:17.160 --> 01:08:18.286
Please.

1037
01:08:18.360 --> 01:08:20.249
Uh, uh,

1038
01:08:20.320 --> 01:08:21.606
- Grant become a corgi!
- What?

1039
01:08:21.680 --> 01:08:22.966
Oh, shit.

1040
01:08:23.080 --> 01:08:24.241
Do it. Do it, Grant.

1041
01:08:25.320 --> 01:08:27.004
Do it, do it!

1042
01:08:27.560 --> 01:08:28.891
Me be free.

1043
01:08:29.680 --> 01:08:32.160
Yes, yes! Master.

1044
01:08:32.240 --> 01:08:34.163
- Yeah.
- You chose to save me rather than that bitch.

1045
01:08:34.240 --> 01:08:37.687
Yeah, don't call her that. Catherine be
her normal self and not in love with Grant.

1046
01:08:39.120 --> 01:08:40.167
Ugh!

1047
01:08:41.640 --> 01:08:43.768
And all Grant's wishes be cancelled.

1048
01:08:48.840 --> 01:08:49.887
- Ray!
- Oh, shit.

1049
01:08:49.960 --> 01:08:51.689
Oh, no. Get off me!

1050
01:08:51.760 --> 01:08:52.807
Neil, stop them!

1051
01:08:52.880 --> 01:08:55.406
Lord, show us how to conquer death!

1052
01:08:55.480 --> 01:08:58.006
Dorothy Pringle, think about Ray
the way that you used to.

1053
01:09:01.280 --> 01:09:04.648
- What the hell, Ray?
- It was nothing to do with me.

1054
01:09:05.200 --> 01:09:07.407
Get lost, you creep!

1055
01:09:07.560 --> 01:09:10.245
- Thank you.
- Everyone else, forget about Ray.

1056
01:09:12.840 --> 01:09:15.491
Thanks, Neil. Thanks a whole bunch.

1057
01:09:18.760 --> 01:09:20.330
Ray, could you take me home, please?

1058
01:09:20.400 --> 01:09:21.845
Sure.

1059
01:09:23.640 --> 01:09:25.881
I'm... I'm sorry...

1060
01:09:29.720 --> 01:09:31.529
Any thoughts?

1061
01:09:32.120 --> 01:09:36.444
- Pathetic!
- He has no concept of good or evil.

1062
01:09:36.920 --> 01:09:39.161
Well, the dogs seem all right.

1063
01:09:39.680 --> 01:09:43.969
Yes, yes, the dogs are all right.
It's the people I can't stand.

1064
01:10:07.000 --> 01:10:09.367
Oh, hey. Catherine, hi.

1065
01:10:09.440 --> 01:10:12.489
Hey, sorry about the other night.
It was... Can I cook you supper?

1066
01:10:12.600 --> 01:10:15.001
- Uh, no, thanks, Neil.
- I'm doing a whole suckling pig.

1067
01:10:15.080 --> 01:10:17.048
- No.
- Hey, what's the matter?

1068
01:10:17.520 --> 01:10:19.443
Is it because I made you
throw yourself at Grant?

1069
01:10:19.600 --> 01:10:23.764
No. Look, you did what you had to do.
It worked. Forgotten.

1070
01:10:24.080 --> 01:10:25.923
Well, what is it, then?

1071
01:10:26.520 --> 01:10:28.761
Do you know what it feels like
to be in someone else's power?

1072
01:10:28.880 --> 01:10:30.370
To have no will of your own?

1073
01:10:30.760 --> 01:10:34.526
Look, I thought that I made you love me.

1074
01:10:35.000 --> 01:10:37.446
- What?
- You know, with my powers.

1075
01:10:39.200 --> 01:10:40.725
Oh, my God.

1076
01:10:42.160 --> 01:10:45.480
Did I really come home early tonight
because I wanted to or did you make me?

1077
01:10:45.800 --> 01:10:48.600
Have I always lived opposite you
or have you somehow rearranged things?

1078
01:10:50.200 --> 01:10:52.168
- I'm never going to know.
- Look, I love you.

1079
01:10:52.240 --> 01:10:55.323
How could any woman love a man
who could make her do whatever he wants,

1080
01:10:55.400 --> 01:10:57.846
any second, every day, forever?

1081
01:10:58.960 --> 01:11:02.407
Look, I'm sorry, Neil, I could never love you,
not in a million years.

1082
01:11:02.480 --> 01:11:04.130
Oh! Catherine...

1083
01:11:10.800 --> 01:11:13.485
Sharon, Sharon, terrible news!

1084
01:11:13.880 --> 01:11:15.564
This is indeed grave news.

1085
01:11:15.640 --> 01:11:18.291
It appears that the Salubrious Gat has been

1086
01:11:18.360 --> 01:11:20.966
interfering with our translation devices.

1087
01:11:21.160 --> 01:11:22.571
What's he done, Sharon?

1088
01:11:22.840 --> 01:11:25.411
I'm afraid, Janet, that we have been
calling ourselves

1089
01:11:25.480 --> 01:11:29.007
by foolish-sounding earthling names.

1090
01:11:30.080 --> 01:11:32.000
Female ones, at that.

1091
01:11:32.040 --> 01:11:38.810
It seems that Sharon is particularly favoured
among female earthlings from Australia.

1092
01:11:38.880 --> 01:11:40.166
The shame of it.

1093
01:11:40.360 --> 01:11:44.160
Sharon... I mean,
what should we be calling you?

1094
01:11:44.600 --> 01:11:48.571
Call me the Death-Dealing Darkness-Bringer.

1095
01:11:48.640 --> 01:11:50.927
Yes, oh, Death-Dealer.

1096
01:11:51.160 --> 01:11:54.767
Great waffles, master.

1097
01:11:55.280 --> 01:11:56.770
Who cares about waffles?

1098
01:11:56.840 --> 01:12:01.562
Catherine hates me. Ray hates me.
Everybody hates me.

1099
01:12:01.960 --> 01:12:04.167
I don't hate you and I care about waffles.

1100
01:12:04.480 --> 01:12:06.960
I think I like them even more than biscuits,
even red biscuits.

1101
01:12:07.040 --> 01:12:09.646
You know what the worse thing is, Dennis?
This is all my fault.

1102
01:12:09.760 --> 01:12:10.886
Mmm-hmm?

1103
01:12:10.960 --> 01:12:13.691
You know, I was just thinking about myself,
what I could get.

1104
01:12:13.760 --> 01:12:16.923
- Hmm.
- And yet with these powers, you know,

1105
01:12:17.000 --> 01:12:19.367
I could have solved every
problem in the world.

1106
01:12:19.480 --> 01:12:22.927
- I could have made people happy.
- You couldn't make Catherine happy.

1107
01:12:23.000 --> 01:12:27.050
Yeah, because I wanted her to love me.
You know, I was being selfish.

1108
01:12:27.120 --> 01:12:30.169
I mean, take world hunger, you know? Uh...

1109
01:12:30.400 --> 01:12:32.880
Let everybody in the world have as much
food as they want.

1110
01:12:36.360 --> 01:12:39.887
I mean, take homelessness. Let everybody
in the world have somewhere to live.

1111
01:12:40.080 --> 01:12:42.242
No, no, no, live in their dream house.

1112
01:12:42.520 --> 01:12:46.570
And war, senseless war, over forever.

1113
01:12:46.640 --> 01:12:49.928
Let there be no reason for anyone
to make war on anyone any more.

1114
01:12:50.040 --> 01:12:51.883
Yay!

1115
01:12:52.160 --> 01:12:54.162
Oh, and reverse global warming.

1116
01:12:55.000 --> 01:12:56.411
Has it happened?

1117
01:13:01.480 --> 01:13:04.609
<i>The latest nation to
succumb to the sudden mysterious</i>

1118
01:13:04.680 --> 01:13:07.809
<i>exponential growth in world food
supplies is China,</i>

1119
01:13:07.880 --> 01:13:11.043
<i>where the average weight
is now 300 pounds and rising.</i>

1120
01:13:11.120 --> 01:13:14.522
<i>Well, today a party of picnicking
schoolchildren brought down</i>

1121
01:13:14.600 --> 01:13:17.888
<i>a mile-long section of
the Great Wall of China.</i>

1122
01:13:17.960 --> 01:13:20.406
<i>As homelessness
becomes a thing of the past,</i>

1123
01:13:20.480 --> 01:13:23.245
<i>the last undeveloped area
of the Sahara Desert</i>

1124
01:13:23.320 --> 01:13:26.688
<i>has become a gated community
known as Beau Geste Towers.</i>

1125
01:13:26.760 --> 01:13:29.366
<i>Property developers are now
converging on Antarctica.</i>

1126
01:13:29.440 --> 01:13:32.649
- Well, I mean, at least I got rid of war.
- Whoa, that was a good one.

1127
01:13:33.360 --> 01:13:34.805
"Let there be no reason to make war..."

1128
01:13:34.880 --> 01:13:36.689
- "To make war on anyone any more."
- "...on anyone any more."

1129
01:13:36.760 --> 01:13:38.649
How could that go wrong?

1130
01:13:38.720 --> 01:13:42.167
<i>For no reason at all,
New Zealand has declared war on Iceland.</i>

1131
01:13:42.240 --> 01:13:43.480
Oh, wow. Oh, dear.

1132
01:13:43.640 --> 01:13:47.565
<i>Barbados has declared war on Somalia.
And in a surprise move,</i>

1133
01:13:47.640 --> 01:13:52.521
<i>the tiny island of St Kitts and Nevis has
declared war on the entire rest of the world.</i>

1134
01:13:52.600 --> 01:13:55.126
<i>Our war correspondent says
he is unavailable for comment</i>

1135
01:13:55.240 --> 01:13:59.245
<i>because he's too busy covering all the
other wars which have just broken out</i>

1136
01:13:59.320 --> 01:14:01.687
<i>for no reason at all.</i>

1137
01:14:01.760 --> 01:14:06.607
<i>A short time ago, scientists were afraid
of constantly rising global temperatures.</i>

1138
01:14:06.680 --> 01:14:09.001
<i>- But none of them have any explanation...</i>
- Oh, my God.

1139
01:14:09.080 --> 01:14:11.048
<i>- ...for this sudden return...</i>
- Global warming.

1140
01:14:11.120 --> 01:14:17.685
<i>...not only to the last ice age but to a
snowball Earth of half a billion years ago.</i>

1141
01:14:18.360 --> 01:14:23.605
<i>On the other hand, plans to turn the Antarctic
into the Captain Scott gated community</i>

1142
01:14:24.120 --> 01:14:25.610
<i>- have been put on hold...</i>
- Shit!

1143
01:14:25.680 --> 01:14:29.446
- Shit, shit, shit!
- Oh, it's not so easy trying to do good, is it?

1144
01:14:29.560 --> 01:14:31.562
Yeah, but this is just unfair.

1145
01:14:32.480 --> 01:14:34.881
Let everything go back to how it was
before I started trying to make

1146
01:14:34.960 --> 01:14:36.564
everything better for everybody.

1147
01:14:37.480 --> 01:14:40.165
<i>Beautiful though
the Earth looks from space,</i>

1148
01:14:40.240 --> 01:14:45.007
<i>we all know how fragile it is, how much
damage human beings have done to it</i>

1149
01:14:45.080 --> 01:14:48.641
<i>and will, it seems, continue to do to it.</i>

1150
01:14:50.600 --> 01:14:54.082
Absolute power doesn't corrupt.
It just drives you bloody mad.

1151
01:15:05.160 --> 01:15:08.323
- Tell Catherine I love her.
- Don't do it, master. I love you!

1152
01:15:09.680 --> 01:15:11.682
I've made arrangements for your biscuits.

1153
01:15:12.160 --> 01:15:13.764
You'll never have to
worry about them again.

1154
01:15:13.840 --> 01:15:15.524
You're the kindest master.

1155
01:15:15.600 --> 01:15:17.728
Just shush, OK? I can't concentrate.

1156
01:15:18.920 --> 01:15:22.925
- Master, don't you love me?
- I can't stand it, Dennis.

1157
01:15:23.640 --> 01:15:25.688
I just... I can't stand the responsibility.

1158
01:15:25.760 --> 01:15:28.570
You need to get that into
your stupid dog brain.

1159
01:15:28.720 --> 01:15:30.927
Neil!

1160
01:15:34.440 --> 01:15:36.329
I'll save you, master. Here I come!

1161
01:15:40.200 --> 01:15:44.330
Oh, wait a second. I can't swim.
Master, help! Woof!

1162
01:15:44.400 --> 01:15:48.883
Help! Help! Oh, dear. Woof! Woof!

1163
01:15:51.240 --> 01:15:53.891
Oh, there you are. Thank you, master.

1164
01:15:54.200 --> 01:15:56.009
Bless you!

1165
01:15:56.760 --> 01:15:58.922
You do love me, master.

1166
01:15:59.080 --> 01:16:02.607
Of course I love you, Dennis.
I just don't love myself.

1167
01:16:06.760 --> 01:16:10.162
Time's up! Prime the Destruction Generator.

1168
01:16:10.280 --> 01:16:11.486
- Hang on.
- What?

1169
01:16:11.560 --> 01:16:13.688
We need to check if he's passed the test.

1170
01:16:13.760 --> 01:16:17.924
- Well, he did start all those wars.
- That was good.

1171
01:16:18.000 --> 01:16:21.561
- But then he stopped them all.
- But why?

1172
01:16:21.800 --> 01:16:25.930
He said he was trying to make things
better for people.

1173
01:16:27.120 --> 01:16:29.726
That's very appalling.

1174
01:16:30.040 --> 01:16:34.443
The only good is to destroy.
The only evil is weakness.

1175
01:16:34.520 --> 01:16:37.490
Weakness must be annihilated!

1176
01:16:38.200 --> 01:16:42.285
Agreed. Vaporise the earthling
and his wretched planet.

1177
01:16:43.320 --> 01:16:44.731
<i>I told you so.</i>

1178
01:16:44.800 --> 01:16:47.770
Reprime the Destruction Generator.

1179
01:17:18.000 --> 01:17:19.968
Try her again, Neil. Go on.

1180
01:17:20.040 --> 01:17:24.523
- She... She won't have me.
- Then, give up the powers.

1181
01:17:24.600 --> 01:17:27.410
- I can't.
- Then, give them to me.

1182
01:17:27.480 --> 01:17:30.768
You wouldn't have the powers
but you'd know where they were.

1183
01:17:31.320 --> 01:17:33.846
And being a dog,
all I want to do is follow orders.

1184
01:17:33.960 --> 01:17:35.724
I'll do what you tell me to.

1185
01:17:36.760 --> 01:17:39.525
- Dennis, you're a genius.
- Not bad, huh?

1186
01:17:42.200 --> 01:17:47.047
Destruction Generator already charged,
Death-Dealing Darkness-Bringer.

1187
01:17:49.960 --> 01:17:51.689
<i>Commencing destruction.</i>

1188
01:17:57.200 --> 01:18:00.409
It is a curse that our numerals
take so long to pronounce.

1189
01:18:01.040 --> 01:18:03.850
Uh, yeah, it's like, uh,
you just wave your hand, like that.

1190
01:18:03.920 --> 01:18:06.400
I feel it. Wow!

1191
01:18:06.560 --> 01:18:10.360
Yeah. There you go.
So what's it going to be? Biscuits?

1192
01:18:11.320 --> 01:18:12.810
But the power made you miserable.

1193
01:18:12.880 --> 01:18:16.441
Yeah, but I don't have them any more, do I?
Look, tree become Eiffel Tower.

1194
01:18:18.000 --> 01:18:19.206
See?

1195
01:18:21.840 --> 01:18:24.127
What are you thinking, Dennis?

1196
01:18:33.360 --> 01:18:34.566
Forgive me, master.

1197
01:18:34.640 --> 01:18:36.320
What? Wait, wait.
What are you going to do?

1198
01:18:37.840 --> 01:18:40.446
That's the only short one.

1199
01:18:42.400 --> 01:18:47.645
If I have any power, let the source
of that power be destroyed, forever!

1200
01:19:48.280 --> 01:19:51.090
All this marking be suddenly finished
and neatly stacked up.

1201
01:19:54.120 --> 01:19:56.043
Fiona Blackwell, go away.

1202
01:20:02.480 --> 01:20:04.642
Oh, shh, shh. Shush, shush, shush.

1203
01:20:05.840 --> 01:20:08.002
Fiona! How lovely to see you.

1204
01:20:09.920 --> 01:20:12.605
Hey, great news. I got my sight back.

1205
01:20:14.160 --> 01:20:16.481
Hey, I think I hear Catherine.

1206
01:20:21.480 --> 01:20:22.720
- Catherine.
- Hi.

1207
01:20:22.800 --> 01:20:26.805
Hey. Um, look. Letters become cucumbers.

1208
01:20:27.920 --> 01:20:29.968
Us be on the prow of the <i>Titanic.</i>

1209
01:20:30.840 --> 01:20:32.126
I got rid of the powers.

1210
01:20:33.560 --> 01:20:35.244
I'm impressed.

1211
01:20:36.560 --> 01:20:40.565
Yeah. So I thought maybe
we could have some dinner sometime?

1212
01:20:42.440 --> 01:20:45.808
- Yeah, maybe, yeah.
- OK.

1213
01:20:59.080 --> 01:21:02.527
- How about tonight?
- I'll be down in half an hour.

1214
01:21:09.840 --> 01:21:12.764
We're going out to dinner.
I'll bring you both back a doggy bag.

1215
01:21:13.200 --> 01:21:16.443
- I suppose I'd better keep my mouth shut.
- Turn me back, Den.

1216
01:21:16.520 --> 01:21:19.649
I can't. I like you as you are.
Those stubby legs. Look at you.

1217
01:21:19.720 --> 01:21:23.566
- I'm not a dog, I'm a man.
- Hey, nobody's perfect.

1218
01:22:15.960 --> 01:22:18.281
This is chewing a biscuit, boss.
I'll try and give you that right now,

1219
01:22:18.360 --> 01:22:19.566
hold one second.

1220
01:22:21.400 --> 01:22:23.368
Oh, red biscuit. Great.

1221
01:22:23.440 --> 01:22:25.841
No! No!

1222
01:22:29.440 --> 01:22:30.680
Oh, got it.

1223
01:22:30.760 --> 01:22:32.649
<i>Licking. Licking somebody.</i>

1224
01:22:34.320 --> 01:22:36.129
This is like porn. Now a shagging noise.

1225
01:22:39.720 --> 01:22:41.449
Oh, look. There's the red bit.

1226
01:22:43.160 --> 01:22:45.049
Oh, there, oh, right, oh...

1227
01:22:46.480 --> 01:22:47.527
I'm done.

1228
01:22:47.800 --> 01:22:49.643
<i>OK, great.</i>

1229
01:22:49.760 --> 01:22:52.001
That's enough chewing biscuits
for fucking half an hour.

1229
01:22:53.305 --> 01:22:59.576
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