1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM

2
00:01:03,013 --> 00:01:05,223
Shit, fuck.

3
00:01:05,323 --> 00:01:08,083
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...

4
00:03:28,055 --> 00:03:29,850
Looking for homemade, fresh-baked goods?

5
00:03:29,950 --> 00:03:32,029
Come to Terry's Country
bake shop in Red Hook.

6
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:35,666
- Home of "Family Circle's" magazine...
- ...with it's stunning natural beauty,

7
00:03:35,766 --> 00:03:39,236
Fiji is the ideal holiday
tropical paradise for couples.

8
00:03:39,336 --> 00:03:42,813
Well, Dave, while we didn't get the
white Christmas we were hoping for,

9
00:03:42,913 --> 00:03:45,642
mother nature may have
a few tricks up her sleeve.

10
00:03:45,742 --> 00:03:49,845
We're getting forecasts of a
hurricane-force blizzard coming tonight...

11
00:03:55,084 --> 00:03:57,221
Oh, Megan, right where I left you.

12
00:03:57,521 --> 00:04:00,124
- How adorable.
- You caught me red-handed.

13
00:04:00,224 --> 00:04:04,825
I'm just... I'm such a sucker
for the classic American novel.

14
00:04:06,429 --> 00:04:09,233
- Bad day?
- No, I'm just exhausted.

15
00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:12,334
Yeah, I know, me too, right?

16
00:04:13,370 --> 00:04:17,241
Maybe it's time... to get a job.

17
00:04:18,141 --> 00:04:20,477
- You're telling me...
- Yes, I am.

18
00:04:20,577 --> 00:04:22,846
I look for fulfilling work all the time.

19
00:04:22,946 --> 00:04:24,848
I just happen to be taking a
break whenever you're around.

20
00:04:24,948 --> 00:04:26,817
It's like studying when mom is watching.

21
00:04:26,917 --> 00:04:28,676
Did you talk to your
parents about the lease?

22
00:04:28,776 --> 00:04:32,356
Because the deadline's on the first and
Cedric is willing to take over if you...

23
00:04:32,456 --> 00:04:35,695
Yeah, no, I haven't made a
decision on that yet, per se...

24
00:04:37,461 --> 00:04:41,331
How did you not make a decision yet?
I mean, what did you do today?

25
00:04:41,431 --> 00:04:43,408
Or what did you do this week?

26
00:04:44,968 --> 00:04:46,394
I did Christmas.

27
00:04:49,088 --> 00:04:52,798
- And I also started online dating.
- Seriously?

28
00:04:55,646 --> 00:04:59,867
- Yes, yeah, shut up.
- No, I'm proud.

29
00:05:00,017 --> 00:05:01,318
Meet anyone?

30
00:05:01,418 --> 00:05:04,838
I said, started. I'm not a machine.

31
00:05:06,008 --> 00:05:10,894
And, I also really like that idea
of going Dutch on principle except,

32
00:05:10,994 --> 00:05:15,817
you know, I don't have any money so it's
kind of more of an intellectual exercise.

33
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,169
Hey, where are you going?
You just got home.

34
00:05:19,269 --> 00:05:21,688
Cedric's friend is having
this birthday thing at this bar.

35
00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:23,724
So then you're not cooking dinner?

36
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:26,604
No...

37
00:05:26,904 --> 00:05:28,454
Yeah.

38
00:05:30,546 --> 00:05:31,915
Do you want to come?

39
00:05:32,015 --> 00:05:33,984
Well, it kind of depends
on the cake situation.

40
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:37,054
Well, the birthday boy is single.
And he's not the brightest but he's pretty,

41
00:05:37,154 --> 00:05:39,857
so he's perfect for a one-night stand.

42
00:05:39,957 --> 00:05:42,112
I don't know. Do you think I'm ready?

43
00:05:42,212 --> 00:05:45,576
Who cares? I'm ready for you
to be ready. I mean seriously,

44
00:05:45,676 --> 00:05:47,497
how long has it been? Aren't you horny?

45
00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:50,252
Now see, I knew you two little freaks
be having these type of conversations

46
00:05:50,352 --> 00:05:52,703
when I'm not around.
I knew it, especially you.

47
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:55,072
- Hi, Cedric.
- I knew it, I caught you.

48
00:05:55,172 --> 00:05:58,558
Well, yes, no, I'm horny but I'm also...

49
00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:00,927
somewhat lazy, sometimes.

50
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:04,648
So the two counteract,
like dueling wizards...

51
00:06:04,748 --> 00:06:07,079
Not anymore. Tonight is the night.

52
00:06:07,179 --> 00:06:10,037
- Faiza's setting me up.
- I'm thinking Ben.

53
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:13,468
- I like that, that's cool.
- Ben.

54
00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:20,731
- Hello.
- Hi.

55
00:06:20,831 --> 00:06:23,749
- What's up? ID please.
- I'm a girl.

56
00:06:23,849 --> 00:06:27,517
No, I'm sorry, you look kinda young.
Take it like a compliment, all right?

57
00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:32,578
Shit!

58
00:06:32,678 --> 00:06:34,611
How did you lose your ID again?
You don't go anywhere.

59
00:06:34,711 --> 00:06:37,094
Okay, wait, look,
I am old enough, I swear.

60
00:06:37,194 --> 00:06:41,315
- Do you see that, right there? It moves.
- Oh, my God, Megan.

61
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:45,119
Hey, ID.

62
00:06:47,023 --> 00:06:48,792
Oh, shit.

63
00:06:49,092 --> 00:06:50,509
Awkward.

64
00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:54,915
Hey.

65
00:06:56,532 --> 00:06:59,536
- I heard you're doing good.
- From who?

66
00:07:00,770 --> 00:07:03,418
I don't know, I just...
said that to be nice.

67
00:07:08,410 --> 00:07:10,797
Chris, I think this girl's
trying to get by you.

68
00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:14,131
Oh, no. This is... this is Becca.

69
00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:16,803
Becca, this is Faiza
and Cedric and Megan.

70
00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:19,587
Megan and I, we were together for a bit.

71
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:23,927
Is the abridged version, just like that?

72
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,657
You two coming in or what?

73
00:07:27,997 --> 00:07:29,697
Nice to meet you.

74
00:07:30,267 --> 00:07:32,233
Good seeing you, Megan.

75
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,705
I don't even want to
hear you guys say it.

76
00:07:35,805 --> 00:07:38,259
Listen, if we knew that he was going
to be here I would have warned you.

77
00:07:38,359 --> 00:07:41,361
This is a serious pattern,
I am regressing.

78
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:45,482
Last year I was in college and I was Chris's
fiancée and I drank wine in restaurants.

79
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:50,237
And now I am at home all day in
my underwear, and I'm nobody's nothing,

80
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,990
and I can't even get into a bar.
What is happening to me?

81
00:07:53,090 --> 00:07:56,326
I am going backwards!
I am Benjamin Button-ing!

82
00:07:56,426 --> 00:07:59,663
He moved on, so what, so can you.
I say take a cab home,

83
00:07:59,763 --> 00:08:04,017
get on that dating site, pick a cute guy.
No drinks, no dinner, just a hook-up.

84
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:08,105
You can't order it,
it's not edible arrangements!

85
00:08:08,766 --> 00:08:10,908
Yeah, you can.
You have tits and the Internet.

86
00:08:11,208 --> 00:08:14,767
- Cedric, back me up.
- Internet, tits. Let's go.

87
00:08:14,867 --> 00:08:18,413
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Go get them, tiger, you got this.

88
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:22,897
Right?

89
00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:13,365
Nope.

90
00:09:22,644 --> 00:09:23,570
Okay.

91
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:29,474
Fuck it. He moved on, so can I.

92
00:09:30,052 --> 00:09:31,803
Hey...

93
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:44,248
Keeping it lowercase.
Keeping it casual.

94
00:09:48,150 --> 00:09:49,403
Really?!

95
00:09:52,408 --> 00:09:54,678
Okay. Come on.

96
00:09:54,778 --> 00:09:58,329
The bar is so low, it's so very low.

97
00:10:09,024 --> 00:10:11,759
I sound like a computer virus.

98
00:10:12,428 --> 00:10:14,723
Awesome.

99
00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:16,641
Okay.

100
00:10:30,145 --> 00:10:33,355
Do you want to hang out?

101
00:11:02,678 --> 00:11:04,503
Wait! Oh, shit.

102
00:11:20,028 --> 00:11:22,479
Safety first.

103
00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:34,794
Hey, there.

104
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:39,115
Oh, man, I was... I was just so sure that
I was going to see a close-up of a penis.

105
00:11:39,731 --> 00:11:40,748
Yeah, me too.

106
00:11:42,252 --> 00:11:44,538
Wow, you are really pretty.

107
00:11:45,188 --> 00:11:48,525
Really pretty. Anyway, so this is me.

108
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,478
Soak it in,

109
00:11:50,578 --> 00:11:54,663
and this is my apartment.

110
00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:59,336
As you can see,
it's a magical wonderland.

111
00:11:59,436 --> 00:12:02,706
So do I pass the test or...

112
00:12:04,328 --> 00:12:06,943
Yes, I think so.

113
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:09,179
I've actually...
I've never done this before.

114
00:12:09,846 --> 00:12:11,982
- Me neither.
- No, no, no, no, like I know...

115
00:12:12,082 --> 00:12:15,985
I know that people say that,
but I really... I haven't, nothing.

116
00:12:16,085 --> 00:12:17,772
I know, me either.

117
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:21,283
Good.

118
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:26,382
Okay, well, I guess then
I will see you soon?

119
00:12:26,482 --> 00:12:30,667
That is awesome. I mean,
that is cool, sweet, I will...

120
00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:33,712
That will be a very nice thing to happen,
Megan. I will see you soon.

121
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:35,909
Okay.

122
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:38,618
Okay, bye.

123
00:12:41,059 --> 00:12:44,981
I cannot believe I am schlepping
to Brooklyn for a booty call.

124
00:12:45,081 --> 00:12:46,766
That is fucking scandalous.

125
00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:50,752
- I don't think it shut off right.
- No, no, the TV.

126
00:13:02,064 --> 00:13:03,915
Is that a... is that a burglar alarm?

127
00:13:05,267 --> 00:13:06,808
Did you sleep with your coat on?

128
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:11,272
Yeah, I get cold. Get the intruder!

129
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:18,429
Alarm reset.

130
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:23,820
- False alarm.
- Oh, that's so weird.

131
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:28,506
It's a bummer that it woke us up though,
but I should get going.

132
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,930
I had a great time, thank you.

133
00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:39,333
It's... it's perfect for
what I needed, so...

134
00:13:48,043 --> 00:13:49,777
Awesome.

135
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:08,143
Ambitious.

136
00:14:17,206 --> 00:14:20,176
That's some alarm you got there.

137
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:24,948
Yeah, I don't even remember
even setting it... for 11:04.

138
00:14:25,597 --> 00:14:27,288
Weird.

139
00:14:29,467 --> 00:14:31,027
Morning, Megan.

140
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,738
Good morning, Alex.

141
00:14:35,724 --> 00:14:38,895
It's... Alec, actually.

142
00:14:38,995 --> 00:14:40,508
Yeah.

143
00:14:41,698 --> 00:14:44,632
- What'd I say?
- Alex.

144
00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:48,805
Do your way, one more time.

145
00:14:48,905 --> 00:14:52,075
Alec. It's got a "C" at the end of it.

146
00:14:52,175 --> 00:14:53,460
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.

147
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,665
- It's okay.
- Gotcha, sorry.

148
00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:57,540
Well...

149
00:14:59,715 --> 00:15:02,008
I had a blast, so...

150
00:15:02,108 --> 00:15:04,944
thank you for having me.

151
00:15:05,044 --> 00:15:07,616
You're welcome. My only concern is

152
00:15:07,716 --> 00:15:10,615
how we're going to sugarcoat this when
we tell our grandkids how we met.

153
00:15:12,158 --> 00:15:14,063
- Right?
- Yeah.

154
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,700
We'll cross that bridge
when we come to it.

155
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:20,022
Hey, so do you want to grab breakfast
or do you normally just take off?

156
00:15:22,471 --> 00:15:23,346
Normally?

157
00:15:26,042 --> 00:15:28,565
You said, "normally." Just...

158
00:15:28,665 --> 00:15:32,649
like I do this so much that I'd have a
normal and an abnormal version of it?

159
00:15:32,749 --> 00:15:36,686
That's... yeah, that's not what I meant.
I have no idea how often you do this.

160
00:15:36,786 --> 00:15:40,007
I told you last night that this
is my first time doing anything,

161
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:44,627
- you know, remotely like this.
- Yeah, but come on.

162
00:15:44,727 --> 00:15:47,131
Come on. What?

163
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:51,885
Megan, do you expect me to believe
this was your first one-night stand ever?

164
00:15:52,457 --> 00:15:56,089
Yes! Yeah, no, I mean, the only reason
that I am here is because my roommate,

165
00:15:56,189 --> 00:16:00,677
- she peer-pressured the shit out of me.
- Yeah, she sexiled you, or whatever, right?

166
00:16:00,777 --> 00:16:05,581
Exactly, and yet I am sensing
some distinctly judgey vibes

167
00:16:05,681 --> 00:16:09,802
coming from your side of the bed, which is
odd considering the team work involved.

168
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:11,938
There's no judgey vibes coming
from this side of the bed.

169
00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:16,426
Honestly, I really admire what you did.
I wish more girls were that forward.

170
00:16:16,526 --> 00:16:19,495
Forward? There we go
with the slut thing again.

171
00:16:19,695 --> 00:16:22,632
I'm not calling you a slut!
I'm calling you a girl

172
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,684
who went over to a stranger's
house at midnight.

173
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:27,771
If only there was a word
for someone who does that.

174
00:16:27,871 --> 00:16:29,973
Wow, you know what, screw you.

175
00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:33,610
- That was a joke, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- You invited me here, just remember that.

176
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,763
That's not quite how it happened
but it doesn't matter.

177
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:40,183
Look, can we please just eat breakfast?
I make oatmeal with a little smiley face

178
00:16:40,283 --> 00:16:43,186
made out of jelly,
and it's not slutty at all.

179
00:16:43,286 --> 00:16:46,222
You know what, save your oatmeal.
I think I'm going to take off.

180
00:16:46,322 --> 00:16:50,560
But thanks for having me, it was awesome
to get to know you. Have a nice life, Alex.

181
00:16:50,660 --> 00:16:53,374
Okay, cool, well, I'm just going to
assume that time was on purpose,

182
00:16:53,474 --> 00:16:56,497
'cause I told you my name is Alec
with a "C" like a dozen times.

183
00:16:56,597 --> 00:16:58,644
It wasn't on purpose, but don't worry.
You just have a stupid name.

184
00:16:58,744 --> 00:17:01,565
Okay, cool, well, bye.
It was lovely having sex with you!

185
00:17:01,665 --> 00:17:03,649
I wish I could say the same.

186
00:17:03,749 --> 00:17:05,426
Sounded like you had a
pretty good time last night.

187
00:17:05,526 --> 00:17:06,943
You know what?
Don't believe everything you hear.

188
00:17:07,043 --> 00:17:09,559
Especially when it's something like,
"Hey, Alec, cool name."

189
00:17:09,659 --> 00:17:11,081
What is that? It sounds like
the first draft of a name!

190
00:17:11,181 --> 00:17:14,114
- Okay, fuck you, Megan.
- Fuck you, back.

191
00:17:16,541 --> 00:17:18,029
Okay.

192
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:24,776
What?

193
00:17:34,310 --> 00:17:36,663
Shit!

194
00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:41,244
Imagine a sleeping little
angel-faced angel...

195
00:17:41,344 --> 00:17:45,531
Okay, no, I'm the angel.
And this angel is being woken up

196
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:50,269
by a fucking junkyard dog
in a hot-girl body!

197
00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:52,422
Okay, and that's my morning.

198
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:57,124
Look, I can't... Mom.
I will call you back.

199
00:17:59,094 --> 00:18:02,930
Hi there, it's Alec, right?

200
00:18:04,233 --> 00:18:07,670
What is it, a little snow outside? Yeah?

201
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:10,323
Well, New Yorkers... I don't want
to say that you guys are pussies

202
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:13,696
but seriously, you should see what
a winter in Minnesota looks like.

203
00:18:14,946 --> 00:18:16,804
I'll get you a cab.

204
00:18:25,287 --> 00:18:28,021
Holy shit, that is a lot of snow!

205
00:18:36,015 --> 00:18:39,360
Hey, folks, I hope you aren't planning
on going anywhere anytime soon

206
00:18:39,460 --> 00:18:42,371
'cause let me tell you something,
it ain't going to happen, okay?

207
00:18:42,471 --> 00:18:45,241
We are seeing record snowfalls!

208
00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:50,713
This thing came in overnight and has
New York City in a total whiteout!

209
00:18:50,813 --> 00:18:55,501
We're talking about tens of thousands
of stranded holiday travelers.

210
00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:58,855
The entire city transit
system is shut down.

211
00:18:58,955 --> 00:19:01,390
The streets have not even been plowed.

212
00:19:01,490 --> 00:19:04,610
The mayor's office is urging
people to stay indoors

213
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:07,096
and to avoid all nonessential travel.

214
00:19:07,196 --> 00:19:11,134
So get cozy, folks,
because it's going to be a long weekend.

215
00:19:11,234 --> 00:19:16,272
Faiza, you have to do something,
I cannot stay here. This is the worst.

216
00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:19,242
Sweetie, are you even watching the news?
There's nothing we can do.

217
00:19:19,392 --> 00:19:22,595
See how nice this is?
This could be every day.

218
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:27,815
But Cedric's an EMT, can he like...
helicopter me out of here or something?

219
00:19:29,117 --> 00:19:31,404
Is that Cedric?
Is Cedric laughing at me?

220
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:33,606
No, no, no, no, no.
Okay, just make the best of it

221
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:36,709
and we'll rescue you as soon
as we can, okay, I promise.

222
00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:41,447
No, no, no, no, I would not be here
if you did not slut me out!

223
00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:43,460
Sorry, I can't hear you.

224
00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:46,224
What?

225
00:19:46,369 --> 00:19:51,424
I think the snow is messing with the...
with the sat... satellite.

226
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:52,940
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.

227
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,049
Faiza!

228
00:19:55,912 --> 00:19:57,774
Grab that ass!

229
00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:04,353
This storm is literally going to dump
all over the Tristate area.

230
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,806
Three to five feet of snow, maybe more.

231
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:11,527
In the poconos and the catskills,
we're talking up to 12 feet of snow.

232
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:14,981
It's the biggest blizzard
in the history of the world.

233
00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:17,333
This is what I deserve, it's penance.

234
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:21,220
Wow, that is officially the worst review
my oatmeal has ever received.

235
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:24,173
It's what I get for slutting it up.

236
00:20:24,747 --> 00:20:27,493
So you really think God made this
blizzard to punish you for being slutty?

237
00:20:27,593 --> 00:20:30,267
No, I don't think God did it.
That's ridiculous.

238
00:20:30,367 --> 00:20:32,453
I think my grandmother did,
and I just don't know how.

239
00:20:34,103 --> 00:20:36,483
Right, that makes sense.

240
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:40,890
Well, I would prefer not
to spend the next 24 hours

241
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:43,225
in an uncomfortable silence with you,

242
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:47,447
so why don't we just pretend that
we never had sex? It didn't happen.

243
00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:49,482
And then we can pretend
that it's just the weather

244
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,617
and not your passive-aggressive
magical grandmother.

245
00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:55,872
No, that's like trying to get the toothpaste
back into the tube... you can't do it.

246
00:20:55,972 --> 00:20:58,674
It is out there.
I have seen your penis.

247
00:20:58,774 --> 00:21:01,820
You've implied I'm a slut.
Those are big things.

248
00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:03,713
Did you just call my penis big?

249
00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:07,250
No, no, I did not. I called the
implication of your penis big.

250
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:09,218
Well, it's still nice to hear.

251
00:21:09,468 --> 00:21:13,595
You can't just... erase the
fact that two people had sex.

252
00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:16,073
I think you underestimate us.

253
00:21:21,963 --> 00:21:23,597
Hi, I'm Alec.

254
00:21:26,151 --> 00:21:27,203
I'm Megan.

255
00:21:27,303 --> 00:21:30,706
Megan, it's very nice to meet you.
What do you do for a living?

256
00:21:30,806 --> 00:21:33,710
Oh, Jesus, that...
that's what we're doing? No.

257
00:21:33,810 --> 00:21:37,881
Seriously, already?
We just started. Okay.

258
00:21:38,381 --> 00:21:41,183
We are monitoring the
situation very closely.

259
00:21:41,283 --> 00:21:46,188
We're experiencing massive shutdowns
all over the Tristate area.

260
00:21:46,688 --> 00:21:50,893
That includes Dutchess County,
Harlan County,

261
00:21:50,993 --> 00:21:54,682
Bronson County, Middlebrook County...

262
00:21:56,065 --> 00:21:57,976
Monmouth County...

263
00:21:58,867 --> 00:22:00,551
Wow, how the time flies.

264
00:22:03,271 --> 00:22:07,377
Poughkeepsie... Montauk...

265
00:22:07,977 --> 00:22:10,413
Bing... Bing... Binghamton,

266
00:22:10,513 --> 00:22:13,015
New Paltz.

267
00:22:14,776 --> 00:22:17,153
New Paltz.
What's the capital of New York?

268
00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:20,256
All right, we'll try again,
but there are rules.

269
00:22:20,856 --> 00:22:22,625
No upsetting questions.

270
00:22:22,725 --> 00:22:26,563
- I didn't realize it was one.
- Well, now you do.

271
00:22:27,163 --> 00:22:29,799
Okay, I am trying very hard
to think of a question

272
00:22:29,899 --> 00:22:32,500
that could in no way be
construed as upsetting.

273
00:22:35,703 --> 00:22:39,773
Do you like dogs?

274
00:22:40,475 --> 00:22:45,448
Perfectly non-upsetting question,
good job... yes. I like dogs.

275
00:22:46,070 --> 00:22:47,347
Me too.

276
00:22:49,017 --> 00:22:50,753
I have to use the restroom.

277
00:22:51,053 --> 00:22:55,488
That's allowed. That's allowed.

278
00:23:14,242 --> 00:23:15,960
What?

279
00:23:20,682 --> 00:23:22,351
Damaged?

280
00:23:22,451 --> 00:23:24,618
You don't know me.

281
00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:50,811
Do you... possibly have headphones?

282
00:23:54,916 --> 00:23:56,352
Thank you.

283
00:23:57,025 --> 00:23:59,722
- Megan?
- What happened?

284
00:23:59,822 --> 00:24:02,756
What happened, you happened.
What is that?

285
00:24:04,860 --> 00:24:06,562
God!

286
00:24:08,163 --> 00:24:09,165
Don't worry about it,
I'll take care of it.

287
00:24:09,265 --> 00:24:12,601
No, no, no, no, you just... you step away,
you are not cleaning that up.

288
00:24:12,701 --> 00:24:16,770
You will just hold it over my head,
go to your room.

289
00:24:18,039 --> 00:24:19,940
I can handle this.

290
00:24:22,077 --> 00:24:23,610
Gross.

291
00:24:24,786 --> 00:24:27,781
Cold and gross.

292
00:24:32,554 --> 00:24:35,891
- It just keeps coming.
- Hey, you gotta turn the knob!

293
00:24:35,991 --> 00:24:39,228
No, I mean the punishments
from the universe.

294
00:24:39,328 --> 00:24:42,298
It's a flood, it's practically biblical.

295
00:24:42,598 --> 00:24:47,002
- Where the fuck is your plunger?
- It should be right next to the...

296
00:24:47,302 --> 00:24:50,506
Shit, I let my buddy
borrow my plunger, dammit.

297
00:24:50,606 --> 00:24:53,009
That's why you never let your
friends borrow plungers.

298
00:24:53,109 --> 00:24:55,077
There's like a thousand reasons.

299
00:24:55,277 --> 00:24:59,047
Look, just shut the door.
I'll deal with it later.

300
00:25:12,427 --> 00:25:15,428
Hey, I just thought of an idea
that could fix everything.

301
00:25:15,964 --> 00:25:17,964
Do you want to get high?

302
00:25:22,604 --> 00:25:26,540
Yeah, me neither, that was just a test.
Didn't know if you were a cop.

303
00:25:33,348 --> 00:25:36,430
Yep, I'm going to do it, I'm going to
get high. You don't care, do you?

304
00:25:37,620 --> 00:25:38,755
Your apartment.

305
00:25:39,588 --> 00:25:42,458
I'm warning you though,
you're about to think that I'm really cool.

306
00:25:43,358 --> 00:25:46,762
My buddy made it. I don't know if you
can tell, but he smokes a lot of pot.

307
00:25:47,062 --> 00:25:51,998
- I try to encourage his creativity.
- No, I think it fits you.

308
00:26:00,008 --> 00:26:02,442
Sorry, I'd open a window,
but, you know...

309
00:26:03,211 --> 00:26:05,374
It is a mystery why you
don't have a girlfriend.

310
00:26:05,774 --> 00:26:07,277
Hey, I'm a catch.

311
00:26:08,517 --> 00:26:10,819
I'll bet you 150 bucks
you're going to die alone.

312
00:26:10,919 --> 00:26:15,535
Well, my future smoking-hot widow
will gladly accept your money.

313
00:26:25,867 --> 00:26:28,304
Hey, I'm just saying, you could afford
to take the edge off a little bit.

314
00:26:28,404 --> 00:26:30,422
It could be good for you.
You should embrace it.

315
00:26:31,006 --> 00:26:32,342
I've gotten high before.

316
00:26:33,242 --> 00:26:35,075
Not with me.

317
00:26:37,645 --> 00:26:39,246
Fine.

318
00:26:40,315 --> 00:26:41,815
It better make you funnier.

319
00:26:43,051 --> 00:26:46,085
Yeah, smoke that shit.

320
00:26:54,362 --> 00:26:58,801
So earlier you asked what I did for
a living and I kinda got a little feisty.

321
00:26:58,901 --> 00:27:01,470
You, feisty? Can't picture it.

322
00:27:01,870 --> 00:27:04,702
Well, the answer is...

323
00:27:07,075 --> 00:27:10,613
I am less-than-employed at the moment.

324
00:27:10,713 --> 00:27:14,483
I don't do anything.
See, last year I was able to say,

325
00:27:14,583 --> 00:27:17,519
"I'm a premed student,"
which sounds kind of impressive, right?

326
00:27:18,854 --> 00:27:22,689
But then I graduated and I'm
not allowed to say it anymore.

327
00:27:26,728 --> 00:27:30,199
- I think your profile said premed student.
- Yeah, no, I just haven't changed it yet.

328
00:27:30,299 --> 00:27:33,469
Didn't you make the profile
like two days ago? That's weird.

329
00:27:33,669 --> 00:27:37,893
- What is this, like an interrogation?
- You got something to hide?

330
00:27:37,993 --> 00:27:40,075
No, I just...

331
00:27:40,175 --> 00:27:42,378
I think I'm just in that limbo phase.

332
00:27:42,578 --> 00:27:45,214
It's not like your degree
has instructions on it.

333
00:27:45,614 --> 00:27:50,252
Well... boom! Home run,
twins win the world series!

334
00:27:50,352 --> 00:27:53,489
Well, your degree did say premed,

335
00:27:53,589 --> 00:27:56,723
so you would think
something follows that.

336
00:28:01,497 --> 00:28:02,440
What was that?

337
00:28:10,939 --> 00:28:12,942
So...

338
00:28:13,342 --> 00:28:15,745
Why did you major in premed if you
didn't want to go into medicine?

339
00:28:15,945 --> 00:28:19,413
I always thought I'd change it,
but then I graduated.

340
00:28:21,049 --> 00:28:24,465
- Wait, how does that happen?
- Easier than you would think.

341
00:28:25,487 --> 00:28:29,925
- What do you do for a living?
- I work at a bank.

342
00:28:30,125 --> 00:28:33,028
Fancy. Banking.

343
00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:36,799
No, just bank. I'm an assistant manager.

344
00:28:37,099 --> 00:28:39,401
How does someone like you get
into something that's so...

345
00:28:39,501 --> 00:28:41,243
- Wildly exciting?
- Yes.

346
00:28:41,343 --> 00:28:46,275
Yes. I don't know, I mean, you know,
like, when you're 17 and...

347
00:28:46,375 --> 00:28:49,078
you just want to get out there and show the
world everything that you have to offer,

348
00:28:49,178 --> 00:28:54,516
because you have all this stuff to say?
I don't know what that feels like.

349
00:28:55,259 --> 00:28:58,887
I don't know. I never felt like
I needed a job to define my life.

350
00:28:58,987 --> 00:29:00,122
Do you like your job?

351
00:29:00,222 --> 00:29:02,424
Since when are you
supposed to like your job?

352
00:29:02,524 --> 00:29:06,060
I think our generation catastrophically
misunderstands that.

353
00:29:08,329 --> 00:29:10,297
Interesting.

354
00:29:19,106 --> 00:29:20,709
I forgot the food,
I'm going back for it.

355
00:29:21,329 --> 00:29:24,844
No, no, no. Please, allow me.

356
00:29:27,915 --> 00:29:30,419
Now, I am impressed.

357
00:29:30,619 --> 00:29:33,422
'Cause it's like a butler
that is also a rug.

358
00:29:33,622 --> 00:29:36,156
For the man who has
everything except a rug.

359
00:29:39,594 --> 00:29:41,897
You know, I used to
smoke back in college.

360
00:29:42,297 --> 00:29:44,266
But one summer,
I walked in on my parents

361
00:29:44,366 --> 00:29:47,203
smoking out of a vaporizer
and watching Italian porn.

362
00:29:47,703 --> 00:29:49,238
- Oh, my God.
- Which is kind of

363
00:29:49,338 --> 00:29:52,208
the greatest antidrugs PSA of all time.

364
00:29:52,308 --> 00:29:56,311
That is awesome! Kinda gross, but...

365
00:29:56,411 --> 00:29:58,847
- It is funny.
- Growing up...

366
00:29:58,947 --> 00:30:03,419
all of my friends' parents
were divorced, you know?

367
00:30:03,519 --> 00:30:07,356
But mine, they were always... so happy.

368
00:30:07,456 --> 00:30:11,724
They were just so disgustingly happy.

369
00:30:13,327 --> 00:30:15,328
It's a lot to live up to.

370
00:30:17,231 --> 00:30:19,799
I think it kinda messed me up.

371
00:30:25,506 --> 00:30:28,377
- My parents are still married too.
- Yeah?

372
00:30:28,477 --> 00:30:30,446
- Good for them.
- What?

373
00:30:30,846 --> 00:30:34,316
Yeah, when I was a kid I used
to wish that they'd get divorced

374
00:30:34,416 --> 00:30:37,485
'cause I was jealous of all my friends
who got to have two Christmases.

375
00:30:42,925 --> 00:30:44,593
- What?
- You should turn this off.

376
00:30:44,693 --> 00:30:48,397
- You don't like this song?
- Oh, no, I love this song.

377
00:30:48,497 --> 00:30:50,399
It's going to make me want to dance.

378
00:30:51,366 --> 00:30:53,754
- Yes, you should.
- No.

379
00:30:53,854 --> 00:30:56,171
- Yes.
- Trust me.

380
00:30:56,371 --> 00:30:58,908
Oh, are you like a bad dancer?

381
00:30:59,408 --> 00:31:01,910
Oh, no. No, no, no.

382
00:31:02,010 --> 00:31:06,274
I am an epic dancer, but you see...

383
00:31:07,315 --> 00:31:10,961
See, if you see me dance
you'll follow me around

384
00:31:11,061 --> 00:31:14,490
like a little puppy dog and it'll
be embarrassing for us both.

385
00:31:15,290 --> 00:31:16,562
So...

386
00:31:16,962 --> 00:31:21,015
you have to stay here. For your
own safety, trust me on that one.

387
00:31:32,117 --> 00:31:35,406
<i>I'm so sick of you tonight</i>

388
00:31:36,138 --> 00:31:40,243
<i>You never stay awake when I get home</i>

389
00:31:40,463 --> 00:31:43,568
<i>Is something wrong with me?
Is something wrong with you?</i>

390
00:31:43,668 --> 00:31:48,476
<i>I really wish I knew,
wish I knew, wish I knew</i>

391
00:31:48,897 --> 00:31:51,308
<i>I'll give you candy, give you diamonds</i>

392
00:31:51,408 --> 00:31:54,773
<i>Give you pills,
I'll give you anything you want</i>

393
00:31:55,053 --> 00:31:57,084
<i>Hundred-dollar bills</i>

394
00:31:57,464 --> 00:32:00,606
<i>I'll even let you watch
the shows you wanna see</i>

395
00:32:00,706 --> 00:32:05,393
<i>Because you married me,
married me, married me</i>

396
00:32:05,608 --> 00:32:09,851
<i>Marry me, marry me, marry me...</i>

397
00:32:11,546 --> 00:32:13,215
Okay.

398
00:32:13,515 --> 00:32:16,205
So I would just like to...

399
00:32:17,018 --> 00:32:19,521
frame the next question
in the context that

400
00:32:19,621 --> 00:32:22,224
my diet doesn't normally
consist of junk food.

401
00:32:22,324 --> 00:32:25,376
And with that in mind, hypothetically...

402
00:32:25,576 --> 00:32:28,033
- Yeah?
- If one were to...

403
00:32:28,933 --> 00:32:32,008
need to make use of a bathroom

404
00:32:33,168 --> 00:32:35,822
how might one do that

405
00:32:36,839 --> 00:32:41,075
in these special circumstances?
Stop smiling.

406
00:32:44,212 --> 00:32:45,533
That's actually a great question.

407
00:32:50,886 --> 00:32:54,389
Are these your creepy neighbors?
Are you the creepy neighbor?

408
00:32:54,489 --> 00:32:57,092
You're totally the creepy neighbor.

409
00:32:58,105 --> 00:33:01,830
Hey, Mrs. Lopan, it's Alec. I just
really need to borrow your plunger.

410
00:33:01,930 --> 00:33:04,299
It's kind of an emergency.

411
00:33:04,399 --> 00:33:06,468
That wouldn't happen to
be their mailbox, would it?

412
00:33:06,968 --> 00:33:10,004
Oh, yeah, you know what,
they're probably away for the holidays.

413
00:33:10,767 --> 00:33:12,240
You did not just laugh.

414
00:33:12,340 --> 00:33:15,010
- It's kind of funny.
- Do you see this face?

415
00:33:15,110 --> 00:33:17,846
This is my panic face. Do we understand?

416
00:33:17,946 --> 00:33:18,781
- Yeah.
- Okay.

417
00:33:18,881 --> 00:33:19,715
- We do.
- Good.

418
00:33:19,815 --> 00:33:22,852
Okay, have no fear. The trusty coat
hanger is here to save the day.

419
00:33:23,252 --> 00:33:25,855
Aw, shucks, I bet you say
that to all the girls.

420
00:33:27,155 --> 00:33:28,957
We're just kind of on a clock here.

421
00:33:29,257 --> 00:33:31,993
I mean, there's a plan "B,"
but it might sound kind of out there.

422
00:33:32,093 --> 00:33:35,297
- We are not getting high again.
- Yes, we are. No, I'm just kidding.

423
00:33:35,397 --> 00:33:37,499
The windows of this building,
they don't really work right.

424
00:33:37,599 --> 00:33:40,318
So we can go out the window,
climb up to the roof

425
00:33:40,418 --> 00:33:43,473
go to the other side and then get
in through the Lopans' fire escape.

426
00:33:44,673 --> 00:33:45,273
Okay.

427
00:33:49,944 --> 00:33:52,447
Maybe just you should do this.

428
00:33:52,547 --> 00:33:56,015
I'm not breaking and entering alone!
The whole reason we're doing this is for you.

429
00:33:59,754 --> 00:34:02,391
- Why do you have that?
- My grandmother left it to me.

430
00:34:02,491 --> 00:34:04,860
Yup, all style complaints go to her.

431
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:08,527
I see. Sweet.

432
00:34:20,925 --> 00:34:22,475
Let's do this.

433
00:34:37,725 --> 00:34:40,426
You couldn't just shit in the sink?

434
00:34:42,029 --> 00:34:43,532
What's wrong?!

435
00:34:43,632 --> 00:34:47,035
It's frozen shut! It won't budge!

436
00:34:47,435 --> 00:34:51,104
- We gotta go back.
- There is no turning back!

437
00:34:52,908 --> 00:34:54,343
- What the fuck?!
- Go, go, go!

438
00:34:54,443 --> 00:34:56,342
Are you kidding me?

439
00:34:58,212 --> 00:35:01,386
Hey, are you fucking insane?
I'm going to have to pay for that!

440
00:35:01,686 --> 00:35:04,352
I had to! They will totally understand.

441
00:35:04,452 --> 00:35:08,555
- Look, you are a ruiner.
- I am not a ruiner!

442
00:35:10,257 --> 00:35:11,426
Sorry, I gotta pee, I had to.

443
00:35:11,526 --> 00:35:14,193
- You understand, you understand.
- No, no, no, no, no...

444
00:35:14,729 --> 00:35:17,933
You are an asshole in so many languages!

445
00:35:18,033 --> 00:35:19,932
You understand.

446
00:35:20,935 --> 00:35:22,969
Oh, yeah, this pee feels so good.

447
00:35:36,951 --> 00:35:40,180
- Whoops, sorry, false alarm.
- Oh, yeah?

448
00:35:47,328 --> 00:35:48,528
Oh, God.

449
00:36:13,721 --> 00:36:17,293
Just so you know,
I'm giving you the silent treatment too.

450
00:36:18,343 --> 00:36:21,460
I just didn't know if you could tell
and I wanted you to know.

451
00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:36,545
Hey, I think we've solved the
mystery of the clogged toilet.

452
00:36:36,645 --> 00:36:40,382
Wait, what?
No, I told you I would do that!

453
00:36:40,482 --> 00:36:41,716
- What is this?
- No, it's nothing.

454
00:36:41,816 --> 00:36:43,718
- What are you doing? That's gross.
- Give it back.

455
00:36:43,818 --> 00:36:47,255
Megan, this was in a toilet,
that's gross, okay?

456
00:36:47,355 --> 00:36:50,590
If you had a problem with the reading
material you could have just said something.

457
00:37:01,736 --> 00:37:04,098
It's just some stupid article.

458
00:37:06,340 --> 00:37:10,712
It wasn't stupid, though.
It was spot-on.

459
00:37:10,812 --> 00:37:14,031
How pathetic is that,
it's so pathetic...

460
00:37:21,655 --> 00:37:25,291
Do you really think my name
sounds like the first draft of a name?

461
00:37:30,764 --> 00:37:32,365
Yeah.

462
00:37:34,168 --> 00:37:38,904
Like a good first draft, you know?
Like it's really close.

463
00:37:43,077 --> 00:37:45,511
And did you really fake it?

464
00:37:47,781 --> 00:37:51,153
- What are you talking about?
- Last night.

465
00:37:51,353 --> 00:37:53,621
You know, when you were making

466
00:37:53,721 --> 00:37:55,924
what I would describe as like
banshee-esque screams of pleasure,

467
00:37:56,024 --> 00:38:01,129
and then this morning, you called into
question their authenticity? So...

468
00:38:01,429 --> 00:38:05,333
What happened to like,
"Hey, let's just pretend we never had sex?"

469
00:38:05,433 --> 00:38:07,268
Yeah, I'm over that.

470
00:38:07,368 --> 00:38:09,604
Why are you even
thinking about this again?

471
00:38:09,704 --> 00:38:12,205
I haven't stopped thinking about it.

472
00:38:14,675 --> 00:38:16,536
Oh, all right, well, see,

473
00:38:16,636 --> 00:38:21,550
I just said those things to hurt your
feelings because you hurt mine, you know?

474
00:38:21,650 --> 00:38:23,384
Yeah, I don't really buy that
because I think women

475
00:38:23,484 --> 00:38:26,021
are most honest actually when they're
trying to hurt somebody's feelings.

476
00:38:26,121 --> 00:38:28,056
Fine.

477
00:38:28,356 --> 00:38:31,424
But this can't be the first time
that a woman's faked it for you.

478
00:38:32,033 --> 00:38:35,363
- Definitely was.
- You made your ex come?

479
00:38:35,490 --> 00:38:37,966
- Yep, pretty much all the time.
- Yeah, that often?

480
00:38:38,066 --> 00:38:41,837
And did she come before or after you?

481
00:38:41,937 --> 00:38:44,072
Usually we...

482
00:38:44,172 --> 00:38:46,647
We would come simultaneously.
At the same time.

483
00:38:46,747 --> 00:38:48,844
- Yeah, yeah? Bullshit.
- I'm telling you, it's true.

484
00:38:49,244 --> 00:38:50,145
That's mean.

485
00:38:50,245 --> 00:38:53,882
No, it's nothing to be ashamed of either,
it's really hard to do.

486
00:38:53,982 --> 00:38:57,485
For guys it's so easy, it's just,
you know, it's just friction.

487
00:38:57,585 --> 00:39:01,189
But for girls there's a whole
lot of intangibles down there.

488
00:39:01,289 --> 00:39:04,546
And it's bad that we fake it.
It's not good for you,

489
00:39:04,646 --> 00:39:06,962
it doesn't help us.
It doesn't help the next girl.

490
00:39:07,862 --> 00:39:09,998
Oh, but you're a really great kisser.

491
00:39:10,398 --> 00:39:13,133
- Yeah, you've got that down pat, it's just...
- Practice on my hand a lot.

492
00:39:13,233 --> 00:39:14,357
- ...the other stuff.
- A lot.

493
00:39:14,457 --> 00:39:17,039
- But I had a good time.
- Okay.

494
00:39:17,139 --> 00:39:19,141
Well, yeah, let's talk about this.

495
00:39:19,241 --> 00:39:22,724
So, what... Yeah, what did I do wrong?

496
00:39:24,679 --> 00:39:29,184
Okay, it's not about what you did wrong,
it's just how people sync up.

497
00:39:29,284 --> 00:39:31,457
You know, how they fit together.

498
00:39:31,557 --> 00:39:34,122
- And we didn't sync up well?
- Do you think we did?

499
00:39:34,222 --> 00:39:36,958
Well, you know, it's the first time,
it's awkward. You don't know what to say,

500
00:39:37,058 --> 00:39:39,961
you don't know what you're touching.
It's awkward.

501
00:39:40,061 --> 00:39:43,565
It's not like that changes
after the first time.

502
00:39:44,265 --> 00:39:49,604
Well, I mean eventually they
learn what you like more, but...

503
00:39:49,704 --> 00:39:52,808
you can never talk about it openly
'cause guys are so sensitive.

504
00:39:53,708 --> 00:39:56,394
Suggesting just the tiniest thing

505
00:39:56,494 --> 00:40:00,381
and it freaks them out because then they
think you've been thinking that every time,

506
00:40:00,481 --> 00:40:02,717
and then they get mad that you
didn't say something earlier

507
00:40:02,817 --> 00:40:05,453
and you didn't say something early
because it would have been too soon.

508
00:40:05,553 --> 00:40:07,598
So the only thing that
there is to do is train them

509
00:40:07,698 --> 00:40:11,059
to recognize different levels of moans
without them realizing you're doing it.

510
00:40:11,159 --> 00:40:13,205
In my experience.

511
00:40:15,262 --> 00:40:18,333
- Wow.
- It works.

512
00:40:18,833 --> 00:40:21,669
- Or maybe it's just me.
- No, it's like camp, you know?

513
00:40:21,769 --> 00:40:23,571
You go and you have to do
this activity with a partner

514
00:40:23,671 --> 00:40:26,241
but you can't say anything so you're
just kinda stumbling your way through it.

515
00:40:26,341 --> 00:40:27,977
- Yeah, it's just like camp.
- Yeah.

516
00:40:29,277 --> 00:40:31,265
- What camp did you go to?
- Holy shit.

517
00:40:31,365 --> 00:40:33,891
I just had a great idea. Do you feel it,

518
00:40:34,591 --> 00:40:37,920
the two of us? It's a pretty
good opportunity right now.

519
00:40:38,420 --> 00:40:41,790
- What... what is?
- This... right here.

520
00:40:42,390 --> 00:40:44,513
- I'm not...
- You don't get it? Okay.

521
00:40:44,613 --> 00:40:46,261
Look, listen to me, so we're trapped.

522
00:40:46,361 --> 00:40:49,864
We're like this incredible experiment
right now, we're lab rats.

523
00:40:49,964 --> 00:40:53,201
We've had sex, but we don't have
feelings for each other, right?

524
00:40:53,301 --> 00:40:55,103
And as soon as that
snow clears, you're gone.

525
00:40:55,203 --> 00:40:58,273
- Like Mexico-gone.
- We don't know any of the same people,

526
00:40:58,373 --> 00:41:01,019
so we're probably never going
to see each other again.

527
00:41:01,309 --> 00:41:02,077
Yes.

528
00:41:02,177 --> 00:41:04,879
So we can use this time to
be honest with each other,

529
00:41:04,979 --> 00:41:07,507
and we can give each other advice
and constructive criticism

530
00:41:07,607 --> 00:41:10,816
to make each other better lovers
for the next person that comes along.

531
00:41:12,086 --> 00:41:15,571
Okay, firstly, you cannot
pull off the word "lovers."

532
00:41:15,671 --> 00:41:16,797
- I think I can.
- Secondly,

533
00:41:16,897 --> 00:41:19,328
what you are proposing is potentially...

534
00:41:19,428 --> 00:41:22,341
it's a horrible... it sucks.
It's a bad idea... Don't... What?

535
00:41:22,441 --> 00:41:24,210
Are you kidding me?
This is the best idea I've ever had!

536
00:41:24,310 --> 00:41:27,135
- That's so sad!
- Look, Megan, listen,

537
00:41:27,235 --> 00:41:29,772
you can't just like
drop a bomb on me like,

538
00:41:29,872 --> 00:41:31,940
"Hey, maybe you've never made a girl
come in your entire fucking life,"

539
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:34,843
and then say you don't want to
talk about it. I want to talk.

540
00:41:34,943 --> 00:41:38,780
Guys can't handle constructive
criticism about that stuff.

541
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:41,649
- You'll get all pissy...
- No.

542
00:41:41,749 --> 00:41:44,419
I promise you that I will not
get pissy if you don't.

543
00:41:45,019 --> 00:41:46,554
What do you mean if I don't?

544
00:41:46,654 --> 00:41:49,691
Oh, did you think this was just like
a one-way street, or something?

545
00:41:49,791 --> 00:41:51,927
- You think you have pointers for me?
- Well...

546
00:41:53,027 --> 00:41:55,697
Yeah, a thing or two
crossed my mind, but...

547
00:41:55,797 --> 00:41:59,432
I guess you'll never know, will you?

548
00:42:01,868 --> 00:42:05,607
- Jesus, fine, all right, I bite, go.
- Okay, great, this is good.

549
00:42:05,707 --> 00:42:10,244
Now, this is not just you.
I want to make that clear.

550
00:42:10,458 --> 00:42:13,281
Okay, the lights-off thing.
What the fuck is that?

551
00:42:13,381 --> 00:42:16,818
If the lights are off, like you requested
and I so gentlemanly obliged,

552
00:42:16,918 --> 00:42:19,180
I could be having sex
with anything, literally.

553
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:21,523
But I don't want to be
having sex with anything.

554
00:42:21,623 --> 00:42:23,858
I want to be having sex with you.

555
00:42:23,958 --> 00:42:26,292
Not you specifically,
but like the universal you.

556
00:42:28,362 --> 00:42:32,533
Lights on? Wow. All guys feel that way?

557
00:42:32,633 --> 00:42:34,669
I can only speak for me
and my friends, but yeah.

558
00:42:34,769 --> 00:42:37,606
Duh, girls hear that more than hello.
That's what you got?

559
00:42:37,706 --> 00:42:39,841
All I'm saying is that we're young

560
00:42:39,941 --> 00:42:44,412
and we're hot-looking people, and we
should embrace that shit while we have it.

561
00:42:44,512 --> 00:42:48,105
All right, fine!
Guys like to do it with the lights on.

562
00:42:48,205 --> 00:42:50,755
Noted, awesome, shocked.
What else you got?

563
00:42:50,855 --> 00:42:52,056
- Do you want more?
- Do you have more?

564
00:42:52,156 --> 00:42:54,389
Yeah, I do. Okay...

565
00:42:55,189 --> 00:42:58,726
What else do you do that I don't like?
Okay, yeah, you do this thing

566
00:42:58,826 --> 00:43:02,630
where you stand up from the bed
and you kind of turn halfway around

567
00:43:02,730 --> 00:43:05,667
and then you get undressed
as fast as you can all at once

568
00:43:05,767 --> 00:43:08,499
and it's like you're getting ready
for a physical or something.

569
00:43:08,599 --> 00:43:12,714
I've never had any complaints about how
rapidly I undress. Most guys like naked me.

570
00:43:12,814 --> 00:43:16,542
I love naked you. Naked you is
awesome to look at and touch.

571
00:43:17,177 --> 00:43:21,629
What I mean is that you could make
the getting-naked-there part a little...

572
00:43:22,029 --> 00:43:25,019
like... What's up? Boop.

573
00:43:25,119 --> 00:43:27,355
Then you take your bra off the side.

574
00:43:27,455 --> 00:43:30,114
You could even imaginary pole,
just bring it,

575
00:43:30,214 --> 00:43:32,181
smack it. Bring it down...

576
00:43:32,281 --> 00:43:33,233
- Oh, God!
- Bring it up.

577
00:43:33,361 --> 00:43:35,957
Do the little ass thing
with your underwear.

578
00:43:36,057 --> 00:43:39,034
"Hey, I dropped something, my panties."

579
00:43:39,134 --> 00:43:42,654
You can flick it up. You could catch it.
Then I don't care what you do with it.

580
00:43:42,754 --> 00:43:46,008
Actually that wasn't terrible.
You should put on heels and try it.

581
00:43:47,108 --> 00:43:48,443
Yeah, you're right, this is weird.

582
00:43:48,543 --> 00:43:53,548
No, no, no, man-up, finish.
Just get ready for an onslaught.

583
00:43:53,648 --> 00:43:55,350
Okay, that definitely didn't
sound like it was in the vein

584
00:43:55,450 --> 00:43:58,147
of constructive criticism but
I will continue, nonetheless.

585
00:43:58,553 --> 00:44:00,889
Look, all...

586
00:44:01,389 --> 00:44:06,194
I'm saying is that guys like undressing.

587
00:44:06,494 --> 00:44:09,021
And you could make it more of a...

588
00:44:09,423 --> 00:44:10,715
- thing.
- Okay.

589
00:44:10,815 --> 00:44:13,735
Okay. Lastly, when I was inside of you,

590
00:44:13,835 --> 00:44:17,438
you started doing this thing...
you started helping yourself a little bit

591
00:44:17,638 --> 00:44:22,310
and it kind of made me feel
like I was being benched.

592
00:44:22,510 --> 00:44:24,112
- Second string.
- Noted.

593
00:44:24,212 --> 00:44:26,397
- Okay.
- Duly noted. Is it my turn?

594
00:44:26,567 --> 00:44:28,683
- Yeah.
- Don't ever do that.

595
00:44:29,325 --> 00:44:31,119
- Okay.
- That's the international thing.

596
00:44:31,219 --> 00:44:36,090
Okay, I don't know who first taught guys to
do the "alphabet with their tongue" thing,

597
00:44:36,190 --> 00:44:41,396
but it kind of makes me feel like I'm
Helen Keller being fucked by her teacher.

598
00:44:42,096 --> 00:44:44,699
And that is not a fantasy of yours?

599
00:44:44,799 --> 00:44:49,504
There was a moment, one moment during
foreplay in which I was maybe close to coming.

600
00:44:49,604 --> 00:44:51,906
And I believe I subtly
pointed this out for you.

601
00:44:52,006 --> 00:44:54,758
- Do you remember what it was that I said?
- "I'm close to coming."

602
00:44:54,858 --> 00:44:57,345
Yes. And then after I said that,

603
00:44:57,445 --> 00:45:01,383
you switched up what you were doing.
Just what was your thought process there?

604
00:45:02,451 --> 00:45:04,886
I mean, honestly, I thought I
was doing like a finishing move.

605
00:45:04,986 --> 00:45:08,706
Kind of like a Mortal Kombat thing like,
"Finish her!" And like really hit it, but...

606
00:45:08,806 --> 00:45:11,059
I thought I was doing something
like that. It's not...

607
00:45:11,209 --> 00:45:15,062
Next time, just, you know, keep on
doing what it was that you were doing

608
00:45:15,162 --> 00:45:18,145
because you got her
to third and you can...

609
00:45:18,245 --> 00:45:20,068
- you can get her home.
- Okay.

610
00:45:20,728 --> 00:45:24,163
You waited for me to undress you,
which is unnecessary

611
00:45:24,263 --> 00:45:27,275
and also a little weird because I'm
not your mom tucking you into bed.

612
00:45:27,375 --> 00:45:30,545
You kept trying to give me hickeys,
which nobody likes.

613
00:45:30,645 --> 00:45:34,782
Oh, and you went like way too fast,
like you were drilling me for oil.

614
00:45:34,932 --> 00:45:37,414
You know, like my whole body was like...

615
00:45:38,202 --> 00:45:41,466
And then... you did find my G-spot,
but kind of like a drive-by,

616
00:45:41,566 --> 00:45:43,360
which was cool, but then you kept going.

617
00:45:44,792 --> 00:45:46,390
And I so wanted you to stop.

618
00:45:47,094 --> 00:45:48,930
Oh, okay, all right.

619
00:45:49,030 --> 00:45:51,466
When a girl is helping herself,

620
00:45:51,566 --> 00:45:55,837
that's a good fucking thing. My ex
was weird about that too, and it's...

621
00:45:55,937 --> 00:46:00,942
it's not like we're competing on some
awesome erotic Japanese game show;

622
00:46:01,042 --> 00:46:03,478
we are having sex.

623
00:46:03,578 --> 00:46:07,014
You know, like, embrace the team spirit.

624
00:46:07,114 --> 00:46:10,384
Oh, and last night, when we were done,
you retreated to the other side of the bed

625
00:46:10,484 --> 00:46:13,054
like you planted a bomb down there.

626
00:46:13,154 --> 00:46:17,091
So next time, just hold the girl,

627
00:46:17,191 --> 00:46:18,894
count to like ten.

628
00:46:19,594 --> 00:46:23,197
It'd go a long way, that one.
You can thank me later.

629
00:46:23,397 --> 00:46:27,568
Other than those things,
you were a perfectly adequate lover.

630
00:46:27,668 --> 00:46:30,668
- Adequate, wow, thank you.
- Yeah.

631
00:46:32,873 --> 00:46:34,442
Adequate's not really...

632
00:46:34,542 --> 00:46:36,711
- See, I knew this would happen.
- ...a compliment.

633
00:46:36,811 --> 00:46:39,246
- I told you this was a bad idea.
- That's cool.

634
00:46:39,346 --> 00:46:43,524
It's a fine idea, I'm good. I'm like Teflon,
baby, nothing sticks to me.

635
00:46:44,919 --> 00:46:48,222
We should totally check out the
news though for some updates.

636
00:46:48,322 --> 00:46:52,227
As you can see, this storm is showing
no signs of slowing down!

637
00:46:52,727 --> 00:46:54,328
I want you to look at something.

638
00:46:54,428 --> 00:46:58,933
Behind me is the empire state building,
but you can't see it.

639
00:46:59,033 --> 00:47:01,502
All you can see is snow.

640
00:47:01,902 --> 00:47:05,074
I bet you a 150 bucks Rick Raines
is fully erect right now.

641
00:47:05,174 --> 00:47:09,376
It's like an incredible
disappearing act... What's that?

642
00:47:09,476 --> 00:47:10,244
That's funny.

643
00:47:10,344 --> 00:47:15,615
Okay, I'm hearing that that's actually
not where the empire state building is,

644
00:47:15,715 --> 00:47:19,153
- but it does show you the...
- Is it cool if I take a shower?

645
00:47:19,253 --> 00:47:21,789
No. Yes, it's fine.

646
00:47:21,889 --> 00:47:24,859
The towels are... on the floor.

647
00:47:24,959 --> 00:47:28,894
Reporting from the streets of
New York City, I'm Rick Raines.

648
00:47:56,790 --> 00:47:58,726
I just got off the phone
with the governor's office

649
00:47:58,826 --> 00:48:01,462
and they told me this storm
is a real motherfucker...

650
00:48:01,562 --> 00:48:04,496
- That was quick.
- I can't say that? Okay.

651
00:48:05,565 --> 00:48:07,578
What if we tried again?

652
00:48:07,968 --> 00:48:12,340
- I can't take any more critiques.
- No, no, I mean, what if we...

653
00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:14,906
tried again.

654
00:48:16,209 --> 00:48:20,812
Tested our theories for science.

655
00:48:22,683 --> 00:48:23,584
For...

656
00:48:26,553 --> 00:48:28,423
science.

657
00:48:29,023 --> 00:48:31,259
Yeah, I think it would
be really helpful for me.

658
00:48:31,359 --> 00:48:34,426
Because I'm more of a hands-on learner.

659
00:48:36,596 --> 00:48:39,334
Yeah, we could... we could do that.

660
00:48:39,434 --> 00:48:42,069
Good. Okay.

661
00:48:42,169 --> 00:48:46,471
And the channel of
communication stays open.

662
00:48:46,641 --> 00:48:48,843
We say whatever's on our mind,
that's the deal.

663
00:48:49,143 --> 00:48:50,542
Okay, we should film it.

664
00:48:51,278 --> 00:48:54,939
No? Too far? Sorry.

665
00:48:57,301 --> 00:49:00,763
- How should we start?
- Okay, so normally,

666
00:49:00,863 --> 00:49:03,891
on date situations, there would
be more of a build-up here, right,

667
00:49:03,991 --> 00:49:07,560
but since this is strictly a hookup
scenario I think it'd be fine if you just...

668
00:49:19,673 --> 00:49:22,107
It's not bad.

669
00:49:46,535 --> 00:49:49,236
Okay, see, the lack of sheets kind of
makes it look a little crack den-y.

670
00:49:49,336 --> 00:49:50,938
Which is great for like a
role-playing scenario but...

671
00:49:51,038 --> 00:49:52,863
Yeah, it was laundry day.

672
00:49:55,709 --> 00:49:58,146
Okay, get over here.

673
00:49:58,946 --> 00:50:01,182
- Okay.
- They should label it or something, right?

674
00:50:01,482 --> 00:50:03,085
I think it's inside out actually,
but it's fine.

675
00:50:04,435 --> 00:50:07,118
- That's good, yeah, where were we?
- Good, right here.

676
00:50:12,359 --> 00:50:14,395
A fan of the bed push. That's a classic.

677
00:50:14,995 --> 00:50:16,864
Oh, no, no, no, shoes and socks first.

678
00:50:16,964 --> 00:50:19,700
There's never a good time
for it so, you know...

679
00:50:19,900 --> 00:50:22,301
- Get them off.
- Oh, God.

680
00:50:28,541 --> 00:50:30,430
Good compromise. I like that.

681
00:50:30,930 --> 00:50:34,747
Thank you. I'm like the UN of doing it.

682
00:51:38,211 --> 00:51:40,731
Is that sort of what you had in mind?

683
00:51:40,947 --> 00:51:44,619
Yeah, that's good. That's pretty good,
you got the hang of that...

684
00:51:45,419 --> 00:51:46,818
Good.

685
00:52:03,970 --> 00:52:05,565
I have sensitive nipples.

686
00:52:08,308 --> 00:52:10,242
That one is really sensitive.

687
00:52:16,049 --> 00:52:17,983
- Any notes?
- No.

688
00:52:28,062 --> 00:52:29,077
No!

689
00:52:30,797 --> 00:52:35,302
If there is one thing that you take away
from this whole experience... never.

690
00:52:35,402 --> 00:52:37,938
- Sorry, I was trying to cool you off.
- My dad used to give me those.

691
00:52:38,038 --> 00:52:41,840
- And now I am just thinking about my dad.
- That's gross, I'm sorry.

692
00:52:49,249 --> 00:52:51,049
That's better.

693
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:56,888
That is... much better.

694
00:52:59,959 --> 00:53:02,160
Japanese alphabet.

695
00:53:03,029 --> 00:53:05,597
Thank you, Rosetta Stone.

696
00:53:18,878 --> 00:53:21,613
- Holy shit!
- That was awesome!

697
00:53:32,725 --> 00:53:34,226
Hey.

698
00:53:35,194 --> 00:53:37,095
Up and at 'em.

699
00:53:40,433 --> 00:53:42,233
Wake up.

700
00:53:43,503 --> 00:53:44,805
Hey.

701
00:53:44,905 --> 00:53:47,308
We fell asleep.

702
00:53:47,408 --> 00:53:50,077
Yeah, is that a problem?

703
00:53:51,912 --> 00:53:55,413
I don't see what the educational
purposes of it are.

704
00:53:58,584 --> 00:54:00,785
Plus, I'm hungry.

705
00:54:05,226 --> 00:54:08,193
- We're going to starve.
- Not if you like mustard.

706
00:54:09,262 --> 00:54:10,797
Why don't you have food?

707
00:54:10,897 --> 00:54:14,801
Well, I had food, and then we ate
it all when we were really high.

708
00:54:15,318 --> 00:54:16,968
Oh, yeah.

709
00:54:18,771 --> 00:54:20,605
Three-year-old banana?

710
00:54:22,375 --> 00:54:24,375
Oh, here we go.

711
00:54:31,084 --> 00:54:33,851
This might have to last days.

712
00:54:34,187 --> 00:54:36,721
- We'll ration it.
- Okay.

713
00:54:41,561 --> 00:54:44,698
This is good. All right,
we just need to get creative.

714
00:54:44,798 --> 00:54:47,134
Give me like... give me ten minutes,

715
00:54:47,234 --> 00:54:49,236
- I'll figure something out.
- Okay, but don't hog.

716
00:54:49,336 --> 00:54:52,304
All right, you want to go back to bed?
Let me figure it out.

717
00:55:04,050 --> 00:55:05,951
Special delivery.

718
00:55:11,991 --> 00:55:13,961
Where did you get these?

719
00:55:14,161 --> 00:55:16,294
Don't worry about it.

720
00:55:18,264 --> 00:55:20,835
These are your neighbors' noodles!

721
00:55:21,335 --> 00:55:23,671
These are contraband noodles.

722
00:55:23,771 --> 00:55:26,528
You threw such a hissy fit about
the window and now look at you...

723
00:55:26,628 --> 00:55:30,678
- you are a common thief.
- I know.

724
00:55:31,278 --> 00:55:34,314
And, for the record, I actually
thought it was pretty badass

725
00:55:34,414 --> 00:55:38,652
- when you broke that window like that.
- Thank you, I did too.

726
00:55:49,729 --> 00:55:53,198
You might not be the worst person
in the world to be stuck with.

727
00:55:54,033 --> 00:55:55,767
Right back at you.

728
00:55:58,404 --> 00:55:59,669
So were your parents doctors?

729
00:56:00,975 --> 00:56:03,054
Oh, I thought maybe they were and

730
00:56:03,154 --> 00:56:06,047
that's why you rebelled and
didn't want to do it anymore.

731
00:56:06,447 --> 00:56:10,047
- So what happened?
- It doesn't matter.

732
00:56:11,617 --> 00:56:14,121
Yeah, it does, come on, you can tell me.

733
00:56:14,221 --> 00:56:17,458
- It wouldn't even make sense to you.
- Everything makes sense to me.

734
00:56:17,758 --> 00:56:21,660
It's the burden of being a genius.
I can't help it.

735
00:56:24,964 --> 00:56:26,898
It's not...

736
00:56:27,734 --> 00:56:30,037
It's not that I stopped
wanting to be a doctor.

737
00:56:30,137 --> 00:56:32,571
So you do want to be a doctor.

738
00:56:35,808 --> 00:56:38,546
No, I mean, I didn't change my mind.

739
00:56:38,946 --> 00:56:43,136
- I never wanted to be a doctor, ever.
- Then why would you go into premed?

740
00:56:44,151 --> 00:56:45,752
Okay.

741
00:56:47,954 --> 00:56:49,482
So...

742
00:56:50,824 --> 00:56:53,835
I was engaged once.

743
00:56:55,529 --> 00:56:58,753
Once. Sounds like I'm writing a memoir.

744
00:57:00,453 --> 00:57:02,169
I was engaged recently.

745
00:57:02,669 --> 00:57:06,290
We dated through high school,
followed him to NYU.

746
00:57:06,390 --> 00:57:09,310
When I had to pick a major, I...

747
00:57:10,210 --> 00:57:13,547
I never actually planned on needing it.

748
00:57:13,907 --> 00:57:17,081
I just wanted to be a wife and a mom.

749
00:57:21,454 --> 00:57:24,091
See, people always look at you funny
when you say something like that

750
00:57:24,191 --> 00:57:26,050
'cause they feel bad for you, or they...

751
00:57:26,150 --> 00:57:28,940
Megan, I'm not... I'm sorry,
I wasn't trying to look at you funny.

752
00:57:29,040 --> 00:57:34,515
No, it's fine. You're missing
out on something, but...

753
00:57:35,669 --> 00:57:38,013
I don't know, I mean...

754
00:57:38,872 --> 00:57:43,541
It worked for my parents and I
always thought that I'd do the same.

755
00:57:45,811 --> 00:57:48,890
- And then the universe called my bluff.
- What happened?

756
00:57:50,017 --> 00:57:50,870
He cheated.

757
00:57:51,718 --> 00:57:55,322
Yeah, and sadly that wasn't
even the deal-breaker.

758
00:57:55,822 --> 00:57:59,990
I wanted to work through it,
but he... wanted out.

759
00:58:00,727 --> 00:58:04,631
He said that he wanted to find a
girl with... more of her own life.

760
00:58:04,731 --> 00:58:08,034
Dropped the word "ambition" a few times.

761
00:58:08,742 --> 00:58:11,906
Yeah, I've had that word thrown
at me a few times too.

762
00:58:12,006 --> 00:58:14,208
- Believe it or not.
- I believe it.

763
00:58:14,908 --> 00:58:17,311
Ambition is such bullshit.

764
00:58:17,411 --> 00:58:19,947
Seriously, it's just
chasing vapor, like...

765
00:58:20,047 --> 00:58:24,184
whatever it is that you think that you
need like that job or that gold star,

766
00:58:24,284 --> 00:58:26,420
blue ribbon, fancy desk, nice office,

767
00:58:26,520 --> 00:58:30,190
like it doesn't... like once you get that,
you're going to be confused because

768
00:58:30,290 --> 00:58:32,860
you're not going to be as happy
as you thought you were going to be.

769
00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:34,288
Then you're going to be
sitting there being like,

770
00:58:34,388 --> 00:58:36,896
"Why aren't I happy?
I have this... I got the desk."

771
00:58:36,996 --> 00:58:40,467
Because there's another desk. Like there's
always going to be something more

772
00:58:40,567 --> 00:58:43,170
that your ambition is telling you
that you need, so it's the next thing,

773
00:58:43,270 --> 00:58:46,039
and then when you get that,
there's another thing. It's an endless cycle.

774
00:58:46,179 --> 00:58:48,039
You're forced into retirement.
You're kicking and screaming.

775
00:58:48,139 --> 00:58:50,311
Next thing you know, you're in a big house,
you've got four-and-a-half bathrooms,

776
00:58:50,411 --> 00:58:53,046
you don't even have a
ping-pong table and you're dead.

777
00:58:53,146 --> 00:58:54,715
Let's fucking go blow shit up!

778
00:58:54,815 --> 00:58:58,483
Like you're dead.
I just blacked out for a second.

779
00:58:59,318 --> 00:59:00,754
Thank you for staying with me on that,

780
00:59:00,854 --> 00:59:02,990
I didn't know if I was going to
come out the other side.

781
00:59:03,090 --> 00:59:04,733
Blowing up stuff always helps.

782
00:59:07,360 --> 00:59:08,863
So what happened with that guy?

783
00:59:09,463 --> 00:59:11,049
Nothing.

784
00:59:11,898 --> 00:59:16,370
A semester later
I graduated with a degree

785
00:59:16,470 --> 00:59:19,737
I had no intention of using.

786
00:59:21,674 --> 00:59:23,277
And here I am.

787
00:59:23,477 --> 00:59:25,879
So you've really never had
a one-night stand before?

788
00:59:26,079 --> 00:59:28,182
I have told you this like 100 times.

789
00:59:28,282 --> 00:59:30,615
Well, you should know,
they usually don't last this long.

790
00:59:31,317 --> 00:59:33,251
Well, that's a bummer.

791
00:59:34,954 --> 00:59:36,554
Wow.

792
00:59:38,658 --> 00:59:41,310
- That guy is so screwed.
- What do you mean?

793
00:59:41,410 --> 00:59:43,994
You said that he met you
in high school, right?

794
00:59:44,198 --> 00:59:47,451
So, he thinks that you're
a certain type of girl,

795
00:59:47,551 --> 00:59:49,636
and he thinks that he will meet

796
00:59:49,736 --> 00:59:52,006
that same type of girl later
in his life when he's ready.

797
00:59:52,666 --> 00:59:54,045
But...

798
00:59:54,245 --> 00:59:57,044
when he's ready,
that girl's not going to be there.

799
00:59:57,344 --> 01:00:00,344
He has no idea how rare you are.

800
01:00:03,165 --> 01:00:05,749
- What are those?
- What?

801
01:00:05,952 --> 01:00:07,655
Those?

802
01:00:08,055 --> 01:00:10,157
You're giving me googly-eyes.

803
01:00:10,257 --> 01:00:13,460
You totally are,
you're giving me googly-eyes!

804
01:00:13,560 --> 01:00:17,297
I'm just really thirsty right now,
so those are my thirsty eyes.

805
01:00:17,397 --> 01:00:19,065
You look thirsty too.
I'm going to get us some drinks.

806
01:00:31,551 --> 01:00:35,782
Can I pull a classic girl move and confiscate
your biggest, comfiest sweatshirt?

807
01:00:35,882 --> 01:00:39,618
- And I promise, I will not steal it.
- Yeah, one sec.

808
01:00:58,938 --> 01:01:01,805
Please be a cross-dresser.

809
01:01:18,090 --> 01:01:20,412
I found some peach schnapps.
The bottle was a little dusty

810
01:01:20,512 --> 01:01:24,315
but I think the liquor is still... good.

811
01:01:30,903 --> 01:01:32,904
So where's Daisy?

812
01:01:34,974 --> 01:01:36,841
San Francisco.

813
01:01:40,179 --> 01:01:41,194
You're with her?

814
01:01:43,716 --> 01:01:45,341
That's a tough question to answer.

815
01:01:47,893 --> 01:01:49,787
No, it's not.

816
01:01:51,224 --> 01:01:52,960
See? You just did.

817
01:01:53,460 --> 01:01:56,296
Megan, here.
Look, let's talk about this.

818
01:01:56,396 --> 01:02:01,299
You have the place to yourself, and,
boy... Do you make the most of it.

819
01:02:02,735 --> 01:02:04,771
When does she get back?

820
01:02:04,871 --> 01:02:08,230
She was supposed to get back this
afternoon but her flight got canceled.

821
01:02:10,242 --> 01:02:12,412
I heard about that.

822
01:02:12,512 --> 01:02:15,946
Apparently there's this
huge fucking blizzard.

823
01:02:21,453 --> 01:02:26,345
You know, I always wondered what
it would be like to be the other girl.

824
01:02:27,260 --> 01:02:29,342
It feels better.

825
01:02:30,130 --> 01:02:32,596
Not great, but undeniably better.

826
01:02:34,734 --> 01:02:36,501
Hold on.

827
01:02:43,275 --> 01:02:45,209
Thank God, it stopped.

828
01:02:51,850 --> 01:02:54,388
Let's take a look at some
of the outside stuff.

829
01:02:54,488 --> 01:02:59,126
We're looking at the New Jersey transit
making local stops all day long.

830
01:02:59,226 --> 01:03:00,694
Here in Menlo Park...

831
01:03:00,794 --> 01:03:04,365
- Can I show you something?
- Please just leave me alone.

832
01:03:05,165 --> 01:03:06,344
I'm not mad.

833
01:03:07,301 --> 01:03:09,936
How can I be?
I didn't ask and you didn't lie.

834
01:03:10,036 --> 01:03:12,607
I wanted meaningless sex and I got it.

835
01:03:13,407 --> 01:03:15,154
Let me show you this.

836
01:03:16,343 --> 01:03:17,176
Please.

837
01:03:19,278 --> 01:03:20,378
Read.

838
01:03:24,183 --> 01:03:26,153
So she dumped you
but you still live with her?

839
01:03:26,653 --> 01:03:29,489
- She didn't give it to me yet.
- I don't understand.

840
01:03:29,589 --> 01:03:31,158
And honestly, I don't care.

841
01:03:31,258 --> 01:03:33,994
Three weeks ago she asked
me to look for her wallet

842
01:03:34,094 --> 01:03:37,331
and when I was looking for her
wallet I accidentally found this.

843
01:03:38,031 --> 01:03:39,633
I didn't know what to do.

844
01:03:39,733 --> 01:03:43,437
So I gave her her wallet back at lunch
and then the next day she left for tour.

845
01:03:43,837 --> 01:03:45,272
Tour? What is she, like...

846
01:03:45,572 --> 01:03:48,075
- She's a DJ.
- Of course.

847
01:03:48,975 --> 01:03:51,545
Of course, she's like the
coolest girl imaginable.

848
01:03:51,645 --> 01:03:55,916
I made that profile because I wanted
to have something to throw in her face

849
01:03:56,016 --> 01:03:58,879
whenever she wanted to pull the trigger.

850
01:03:58,979 --> 01:04:02,856
- And I know that's very immature.
- You could have broken up with her.

851
01:04:02,956 --> 01:04:06,858
Yeah. Yeah, I thought about that.

852
01:04:08,093 --> 01:04:12,105
People talk about how great
it is to be single and that's...

853
01:04:12,205 --> 01:04:13,867
bullshit, joining the single party.

854
01:04:14,167 --> 01:04:18,171
It's not a party, it's a bunch of people
sitting around in the dark, texting.

855
01:04:18,271 --> 01:04:21,352
Your complaints about how slow the
plowing is going in outer boroughs

856
01:04:21,452 --> 01:04:24,177
such as Queens and Brooklyn
are not falling on deaf ears.

857
01:04:24,377 --> 01:04:26,112
And we're hearing from
the sanitation department

858
01:04:26,212 --> 01:04:27,514
that they're getting
that done right away.

859
01:04:27,614 --> 01:04:30,584
And I did something stupid,
and I'm sorry.

860
01:04:30,684 --> 01:04:33,687
Report that the subways and buses
are starting to run, as well.

861
01:04:33,787 --> 01:04:35,286
Excuse me.

862
01:04:36,722 --> 01:04:42,126
Most of the storm is pushed up
into the Shenandoah Valley...

863
01:05:13,626 --> 01:05:16,163
Megan, wait. Hey...

864
01:05:16,463 --> 01:05:18,465
Come on, I didn't...
what was I supposed to do?

865
01:05:18,565 --> 01:05:21,067
I didn't even know that
you existed, I don't...

866
01:05:21,167 --> 01:05:24,638
Look, I don't want her,
I want you. I want you.

867
01:05:25,838 --> 01:05:28,642
And what makes you
think that I want you?

868
01:05:29,042 --> 01:05:31,979
You're just some funny guy
that works at a bank.

869
01:05:33,129 --> 01:05:37,248
I think you severely overestimate
your ability to break hearts.

870
01:05:43,856 --> 01:05:45,389
Come on.

871
01:06:32,705 --> 01:06:35,142
- Oh, my God, Megan!
- Hey.

872
01:06:35,575 --> 01:06:36,862
Hey.

873
01:06:37,677 --> 01:06:38,945
Is that my duvet?

874
01:06:39,645 --> 01:06:42,000
- Hi.
- Oh, God.

875
01:06:44,450 --> 01:06:47,685
- You guys are monsters.
- God!

876
01:06:48,954 --> 01:06:49,986
How was your date?

877
01:07:44,910 --> 01:07:47,514
You looked so tired
I wanted to let you sleep.

878
01:07:47,614 --> 01:07:50,617
Hey, what are you... doing?

879
01:07:51,017 --> 01:07:53,253
- Daisy, we should talk.
- Yeah, I know.

880
01:07:53,353 --> 01:07:56,588
- I found the note in the trash.
- I have the note right here.

881
01:08:08,300 --> 01:08:10,170
When did you find this?

882
01:08:10,797 --> 01:08:12,503
When I was looking for your wallet.

883
01:08:13,902 --> 01:08:17,577
- By accident.
- I see what's going on here.

884
01:08:17,877 --> 01:08:21,744
You read this, and then you wanted
me to come home and find this

885
01:08:21,844 --> 01:08:25,619
slutty little lipstick haiku so that
you could be the one that ended us.

886
01:08:25,919 --> 01:08:28,103
It's not a haiku,
there's not enough syllables.

887
01:08:28,822 --> 01:08:31,867
- You are a child.
- Yeah.

888
01:08:33,359 --> 01:08:36,229
Look, Daisy, we both know that
we weren't right for each other.

889
01:08:36,589 --> 01:08:39,433
And I think we both knew that
for a long time, but it's fine.

890
01:08:40,633 --> 01:08:43,107
We were just scared that the perfect
person wasn't out there for us.

891
01:08:45,420 --> 01:08:46,635
And what if they're not?

892
01:08:47,373 --> 01:08:49,373
I think they are.

893
01:08:53,078 --> 01:08:54,529
Okay, so what now?

894
01:08:55,415 --> 01:08:59,776
I can move my stuff over to Kevin's place.
He owes me for a plunger.

895
01:09:01,488 --> 01:09:03,036
Okay.

896
01:09:04,424 --> 01:09:06,090
Let me know when you're out.

897
01:09:07,860 --> 01:09:10,564
Hey, Daisy...
Can I ask you something?

898
01:09:11,564 --> 01:09:12,766
Yeah.

899
01:09:12,966 --> 01:09:15,866
Did you ever... fake it?

900
01:09:16,970 --> 01:09:20,573
Wow. A year together.

901
01:09:20,673 --> 01:09:23,910
Done. And that's what you're
thinking about right now?

902
01:09:24,010 --> 01:09:26,145
No, I'm thinking of all
kinds of stuff right now.

903
01:09:26,245 --> 01:09:29,883
I'm thinking of memories
and feelings and...

904
01:09:30,083 --> 01:09:33,426
But I just need to know if...
Did you do that?

905
01:09:36,188 --> 01:09:39,540
Yeah, I'm sorry. I got lazy.

906
01:09:40,693 --> 01:09:43,663
But you shouldn't have faked it, okay?
Because that's not helping anybody.

907
01:09:43,963 --> 01:09:47,598
- You gotta communicate.
- What happened to you?

908
01:10:04,016 --> 01:10:05,633
Tell her, talk to her.

909
01:10:06,819 --> 01:10:08,688
Megan, Faiza has something
she wants to tell you.

910
01:10:08,788 --> 01:10:10,087
Okay.

911
01:10:10,956 --> 01:10:14,060
Listen, normally I'd wait to bring this
up until after you'd recovered a bit,

912
01:10:14,160 --> 01:10:18,141
but Cedric and I sort of enjoyed
having the place to ourselves

913
01:10:18,241 --> 01:10:19,732
- the past couple nights.
- We did.

914
01:10:20,132 --> 01:10:21,834
And I wasn't sure that we would,

915
01:10:21,934 --> 01:10:25,505
'cause I am so used to you
always being here, you know?

916
01:10:25,605 --> 01:10:27,885
Like... nonstop,

917
01:10:28,085 --> 01:10:30,285
all the time.

918
01:10:30,546 --> 01:10:33,086
But... baby, help me out, please.

919
01:10:33,186 --> 01:10:35,849
Yeah, basically we were just thinking,
what if you moved out,

920
01:10:35,949 --> 01:10:39,619
you know, like what would that be like?
And you have to understand,

921
01:10:39,719 --> 01:10:42,055
you can stay here as long as you need,
until you get on your feet.

922
01:10:42,155 --> 01:10:45,249
A couple of days, three days...
However long you want.

923
01:10:46,125 --> 01:10:48,259
- Four days.
- Okay.

924
01:10:48,994 --> 01:10:52,032
No, I think...
I think it's a really good idea.

925
01:10:52,232 --> 01:10:54,801
- You do?
- She says she does.

926
01:10:54,901 --> 01:10:57,904
Look, I only moved to
New York because of Chris.

927
01:10:58,004 --> 01:11:02,408
And I thought that if I went home
it would just be admitting that.

928
01:11:02,608 --> 01:11:05,813
So I stayed and made sure
that the Internet wasn't lonely.

929
01:11:06,713 --> 01:11:08,946
I needed a kick in the ass.

930
01:11:10,082 --> 01:11:11,818
Cool, so do you know
what you're going to do?

931
01:11:12,118 --> 01:11:15,822
No. No, I have no fucking clue. No idea.

932
01:11:18,558 --> 01:11:20,824
Do you know what this means?

933
01:11:21,460 --> 01:11:24,996
That this is our last
New Year's eve as roommates.

934
01:11:29,568 --> 01:11:31,368
Awesome.

935
01:11:32,104 --> 01:11:34,707
Yeah, hey, so I realize this
is probably word-for-word

936
01:11:34,807 --> 01:11:36,768
something that a crazy
person would say, but...

937
01:11:36,868 --> 01:11:39,912
I met a girl on your website
a few nights ago and...

938
01:11:40,012 --> 01:11:41,881
I think I can save us
both some time here.

939
01:11:41,981 --> 01:11:45,541
Yeah, no, I don't need her address,
I just need to know her last name.

940
01:11:45,641 --> 01:11:48,802
I'm sure it was magical, but we can't
give our customers' personal information

941
01:11:48,902 --> 01:11:52,184
to anyone other than the police.
So, provided you're not a cop,

942
01:11:52,284 --> 01:11:55,779
is there anything else
I can help you with today?

943
01:11:55,879 --> 01:11:57,494
Nope.

944
01:12:08,273 --> 01:12:12,011
It's not just a show for kids.
Anybody can get into it.

945
01:12:12,111 --> 01:12:16,616
You know, it's for anybody who
cherishes friendship, adventure.

946
01:12:16,716 --> 01:12:20,420
There's this one character, her name
is Applejack, she's my favorite.

947
01:12:20,520 --> 01:12:22,322
She's such a fireplug.

948
01:12:22,522 --> 01:12:25,058
She kind of reminds me of you, actually.

949
01:12:25,658 --> 01:12:28,284
I think I lost you there.
Excuse me? Hello?

950
01:12:28,384 --> 01:12:29,395
I'm just going to put this out here,

951
01:12:29,495 --> 01:12:32,432
but you're kind of a fucking
terrible conversationalist.

952
01:12:32,532 --> 01:12:37,501
- I don't know if... if ever...
- I think it's because you are so...

953
01:12:39,838 --> 01:12:40,987
captivating.

954
01:12:42,008 --> 01:12:46,393
- I am just intimidated as fuck.
- Oh, no, there's nothing to be scared of.

955
01:12:46,593 --> 01:12:50,021
- Excuse me.
- No, no, no, please, please. Goddammit!

956
01:12:52,217 --> 01:12:55,021
Okay, yeah, all right, great.

957
01:12:55,121 --> 01:12:59,162
Son of a motherfucking bitch!
Motherfucking son of a fucking bitch! Fuck!

958
01:13:00,559 --> 01:13:03,461
And now is the moment
you've all been waiting for...

959
01:13:11,777 --> 01:13:13,208
Megan.

960
01:13:15,207 --> 01:13:17,369
Long time no see.

961
01:13:18,577 --> 01:13:20,847
It's... it's Ben.

962
01:13:21,147 --> 01:13:22,677
From... from bio class?

963
01:13:23,649 --> 01:13:25,827
How are you here? Do you know Faiza?

964
01:13:25,927 --> 01:13:28,154
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm good buddies with Cedric.

965
01:13:28,654 --> 01:13:31,689
We're going to get more booze.
Have fun you two!

966
01:13:36,061 --> 01:13:39,830
You! You are the dumb, pretty guy!

967
01:13:42,888 --> 01:13:44,635
Thank you?

968
01:13:45,468 --> 01:13:47,207
I was supposed to bang you.

969
01:13:47,807 --> 01:13:50,246
This is the universe correcting itself.

970
01:13:55,247 --> 01:13:57,550
So, where'd you decide on med school?

971
01:13:57,650 --> 01:14:01,187
Just a surprise,
I got into both my top choices

972
01:14:01,287 --> 01:14:03,156
but now I'm simply
just trying to decide.

973
01:14:03,256 --> 01:14:07,593
It's a big decision and...
and obviously my dad has opinions...

974
01:14:07,693 --> 01:14:09,896
Megan, Megan?

975
01:14:10,196 --> 01:14:11,573
- You know, it's just...
- Police!

976
01:14:12,173 --> 01:14:14,767
Megan? Megan, right?

977
01:14:14,867 --> 01:14:17,703
Any noise complaints
go to Faiza or to Cedric,

978
01:14:17,803 --> 01:14:20,006
because this is their apartment now.

979
01:14:20,106 --> 01:14:23,140
Actually they're asking
for you specifically.

980
01:14:25,444 --> 01:14:27,477
What's up, dog?

981
01:14:27,880 --> 01:14:32,296
Megan Pagano?
You want to step in the hall with us?

982
01:14:35,120 --> 01:14:36,029
Why?

983
01:14:38,623 --> 01:14:40,894
Officers found this
in the Lopans' bathroom.

984
01:14:41,094 --> 01:14:45,164
You don't understand.
This guy is a psychopath.

985
01:14:45,264 --> 01:14:50,603
He's setting me up! He is setting
this whole thing up! Which I realize

986
01:14:50,703 --> 01:14:54,707
is exactly what a crazy person would
say but that explains my situation.

987
01:14:55,007 --> 01:15:00,012
He is so crazy that he is
forcing me to sound crazy.

988
01:15:00,212 --> 01:15:02,748
- Do you see what he's doing?
- Ma'am...

989
01:15:02,848 --> 01:15:05,117
Did you, or did you not,

990
01:15:05,217 --> 01:15:08,619
break in through the window of
Mr. and Mrs. Lopan's apartment?

991
01:15:13,255 --> 01:15:15,428
You got a little...

992
01:15:16,091 --> 01:15:17,697
Some...

993
01:15:18,297 --> 01:15:20,330
Okay, got it.

994
01:15:22,200 --> 01:15:22,935
Pretty.

995
01:15:30,308 --> 01:15:32,076
Which one of you is Megan Pagano?

996
01:15:33,645 --> 01:15:35,548
You made bail.

997
01:15:35,648 --> 01:15:39,619
Wait, that's... that's impossible.
I haven't even made a phone call yet.

998
01:15:40,219 --> 01:15:41,721
She can do that?

999
01:15:41,821 --> 01:15:44,690
She can refuse my bail? Are you serious?

1000
01:15:44,790 --> 01:15:47,960
Okay, look, I just...
I need to talk to her.

1001
01:15:48,060 --> 01:15:50,296
You can only visit during
visiting hours,

1002
01:15:50,396 --> 01:15:54,033
and if, and only if,
the person wants to see you.

1003
01:15:54,133 --> 01:15:55,961
Which I'm going to guess she doesn't,

1004
01:15:56,061 --> 01:15:59,172
being that she would rather remain
locked in jail than see your face.

1005
01:15:59,272 --> 01:16:01,294
Wow... rude.

1006
01:16:01,394 --> 01:16:05,111
Okay, well, what if I told you that
I helped her break into that apartment?

1007
01:16:05,211 --> 01:16:08,581
Then would you lock me up with her?

1008
01:16:08,681 --> 01:16:12,182
Yeah, that's how police stations work.

1009
01:16:13,919 --> 01:16:15,721
- Are you being sarcastic?
- Are you serious?

1010
01:16:15,821 --> 01:16:19,656
- I need to talk to her!
- Oh, okay then.

1011
01:16:20,091 --> 01:16:24,564
Five, four, three, two, one!

1012
01:16:24,664 --> 01:16:27,664
Happy New Year!

1013
01:16:55,660 --> 01:16:59,031
How about these two? Are they
special enough to post your bail?

1014
01:16:59,231 --> 01:17:01,300
Oh, my God, what happened?

1015
01:17:01,400 --> 01:17:04,437
- Just take me home.
- Here.

1016
01:17:05,237 --> 01:17:06,242
Hey.

1017
01:17:08,440 --> 01:17:10,443
- Who is that?
- I'm sorry.

1018
01:17:10,543 --> 01:17:12,445
But I didn't know your last name.
What was I supposed to do?

1019
01:17:12,545 --> 01:17:14,380
Literally anything but this!

1020
01:17:14,480 --> 01:17:18,351
Okay, you're upset, but, Megan,
you felt something and I felt something.

1021
01:17:18,451 --> 01:17:20,419
What I felt was Stockholm syndrome.

1022
01:17:20,519 --> 01:17:23,579
Hey, hey, I can't let you walk out
another door without listening to me.

1023
01:17:27,025 --> 01:17:29,629
Why are you doing this?
You have a girlfriend.

1024
01:17:29,729 --> 01:17:32,837
That's over now. Look,
Megan, hey, let me explain.

1025
01:17:32,937 --> 01:17:34,997
I should have told you about her,
and there were times last night

1026
01:17:35,097 --> 01:17:36,769
I wanted to tell you about her
and I should have, but...

1027
01:17:36,869 --> 01:17:41,507
there was other times last night that I
forgot that other people even existed.

1028
01:17:41,607 --> 01:17:43,676
And I know that sounds stupid,
'cause your friends are staring at me

1029
01:17:43,776 --> 01:17:45,676
like my fucking dick is hanging out.

1030
01:17:48,480 --> 01:17:50,595
- I'm sorry, it was funny.
- Sir?

1031
01:17:51,517 --> 01:17:55,354
Okay, let's wrap this up. The cop's not happy,
let's keep the cop happy. Megan?

1032
01:17:55,454 --> 01:17:57,303
- You put me in jail!
- I'm sorry.

1033
01:17:57,403 --> 01:17:58,591
For like criminals!

1034
01:17:58,691 --> 01:18:01,361
He's got about five seconds
before he finds out firsthand.

1035
01:18:02,261 --> 01:18:03,896
Okay, fine, fuck, shit.

1036
01:18:04,296 --> 01:18:07,265
Look, not directed at you,
and not directed at you.

1037
01:18:09,035 --> 01:18:11,404
Look, I messed up.

1038
01:18:11,704 --> 01:18:14,407
I messed up, but I am really,
really sorry.

1039
01:18:14,907 --> 01:18:17,177
But you can't stop us before we
even realize what we could be.

1040
01:18:17,477 --> 01:18:20,046
And we should figure that out, maybe...

1041
01:18:20,446 --> 01:18:23,249
Maybe we hang out, we don't...
we realize we don't like each other.

1042
01:18:23,909 --> 01:18:27,353
Maybe you're very
intimidated by my dancing,

1043
01:18:27,553 --> 01:18:31,321
or maybe I find out you're like...
really racist.

1044
01:18:33,058 --> 01:18:35,161
Okay, that was a hypothetical.

1045
01:18:35,261 --> 01:18:39,765
Look, all I'm saying is that there's a
lot of stuff that I don't know about you

1046
01:18:39,965 --> 01:18:42,235
and there's a lot that
we need to talk about.

1047
01:18:42,335 --> 01:18:44,670
I spent two nights with you,

1048
01:18:44,970 --> 01:18:47,504
and that's not enough time.

1049
01:18:50,441 --> 01:18:52,809
Give me more time, please.

1050
01:18:54,446 --> 01:18:56,799
It was a little shaky in the middle
but he finished strong.

1051
01:18:56,899 --> 01:19:01,151
I'm touched. Megan, what do we think?

1052
01:19:04,455 --> 01:19:07,493
- I think you put me in jail.
- We're still on that?

1053
01:19:07,593 --> 01:19:11,163
Look, hey, hey, come on. Some day
you're going to laugh about this.

1054
01:19:11,263 --> 01:19:15,332
I promise that you're going to find
this all very funny some day.

1055
01:19:16,434 --> 01:19:18,053
Okay, let's make a deal.

1056
01:19:18,153 --> 01:19:21,474
You give me your number, and leave.

1057
01:19:21,574 --> 01:19:25,209
And the minute I laugh about it,
I'll let you know.

1058
01:19:52,036 --> 01:19:53,739
Stay as long as you want.

1059
01:19:54,039 --> 01:19:56,239
That guy was nuts.

1060
01:20:01,205 --> 01:20:02,881
- Can I hang out with him?
- Cedric!

1061
01:20:02,981 --> 01:20:05,299
I'm just saying, I don't
meet a lot of funny people.

1062
01:20:05,401 --> 01:20:08,051
Okay, funny people
don't drive ambulances.

1063
01:20:24,569 --> 01:20:26,537
Shit.

1064
01:20:30,542 --> 01:20:31,511
Hello?

1065
01:20:31,961 --> 01:20:34,547
You are kind of an idiot,
do you realize that about yourself?

1066
01:20:34,847 --> 01:20:35,915
You good?

1067
01:20:36,515 --> 01:20:38,150
Yeah, I've heard that.

1068
01:20:38,250 --> 01:20:40,898
- You know that was all me, right?
- No, it was not.

1069
01:20:41,098 --> 01:20:42,148
What the fuck are you
talking about? It was.

1070
01:20:42,248 --> 01:20:44,057
Keeping it in the spirit of
constructive criticism,

1071
01:20:44,157 --> 01:20:47,359
the next time you want to win a girl
back after doing something stupid,

1072
01:20:47,459 --> 01:20:49,995
like practice your speech, or something

1073
01:20:50,195 --> 01:20:52,898
for the next girl, because...

1074
01:20:52,998 --> 01:20:56,302
I'm going to be honest...
yours just fucking sucked!

1075
01:20:56,502 --> 01:20:58,336
Shit, it was... I was embarrassed for...

1076
01:21:08,704 --> 01:21:12,315
- What?
- It's way too soon.

1077
01:21:12,684 --> 01:21:16,787
- Way too soon.
- That's fair. That's totally fair.

1078
01:21:26,731 --> 01:21:28,400
Okay, I'm sorry that I put you in jail,

1079
01:21:28,500 --> 01:21:31,036
but have you thought about what that's
going to do for your street cred?

1080
01:21:31,136 --> 01:21:33,439
Yeah, of course I have, that was
like the first thing I thought of.

1081
01:21:33,539 --> 01:21:35,813
Going to get that shit tattooed.

1082
01:21:36,313 --> 01:21:38,083
And you don't have to worry about
the Lopans pressing charges

1083
01:21:38,183 --> 01:21:41,064
- 'cause I took care of 'em.
- Did you murder the Lopans?

1084
01:21:41,164 --> 01:21:43,625
- It had to be done.
- You did it without me?

1085
01:21:44,917 --> 01:21:46,419
I think I'm ready for that kiss now.

1086
01:21:46,519 --> 01:21:48,251
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

1087
01:21:54,258 --> 01:21:56,545
You taste like prison.

1088
01:21:57,396 --> 01:22:00,166
- Is it really snowing again?
- Oh, yeah.

1089
01:22:00,566 --> 01:22:04,169
Look at 'em, a million tiny,
little matchmakers.

1090
01:22:04,269 --> 01:22:06,336
Thank you, snowflakes.

1091
01:22:07,372 --> 01:22:10,542
So... your place or mine?

1092
01:22:10,642 --> 01:22:13,776
I don't have a place anymore.

1093
01:22:14,428 --> 01:22:15,748
Me neither.

1094
01:22:15,848 --> 01:22:20,017
- You are a catch.
- So are you.

1095
01:22:21,317 --> 01:22:24,607
<i>The piano makes the sound</i>

1096
01:22:24,707 --> 01:22:28,054
<i>You play so quietly</i>

1097
01:22:28,154 --> 01:22:31,388
<i>These love notes, letter bombs</i>

1098
01:22:31,488 --> 01:22:34,950
<i>You send them back to me</i>

1099
01:22:35,399 --> 01:22:38,339
<i>Doors and windows break</i>

1100
01:22:38,439 --> 01:22:41,800
<i>But not this melody</i>

1101
01:22:41,900 --> 01:22:45,063
<i>These not so subtle signs</i>

1102
01:22:45,163 --> 01:22:48,182
<i>This house can't make us stay</i>

1103
01:22:48,282 --> 01:22:51,624
<i>Didn't I warn you, didn't you want to</i>

1104
01:22:51,724 --> 01:22:55,062
<i>Make me feel this way?</i>

1105
01:22:55,162 --> 01:22:57,717
<i>Didn't I warn you?</i>

1106
01:22:58,187 --> 01:23:01,952
<i>You know I've loved you from the start</i>

1107
01:23:02,052 --> 01:23:04,783
<i>But this house can't make you stay</i>

1108
01:23:04,883 --> 01:23:08,673
<i>Sometimes these things just fall apart</i>

1109
01:23:08,773 --> 01:23:11,376
<i>We might never be the same</i>

1110
01:23:11,476 --> 01:23:14,649
<i>Maybe I can never be
everything you'll ever need</i>

1111
01:23:14,749 --> 01:23:18,549
<i>But I can put my arms around you</i>

1112
01:23:26,725 --> 01:23:29,875
<i>If we tear this down</i>

1113
01:23:29,975 --> 01:23:33,150
<i>Line up every stone</i>

1114
01:23:33,250 --> 01:23:39,990
<i>Will memory disconnect us
from all that came before?</i>

1115
01:23:40,090 --> 01:23:43,438
<i>'Cause sometimes our own hearts</i>

1116
01:23:43,538 --> 01:23:46,880
<i>Rewrite these histories</i>

1117
01:23:46,980 --> 01:23:50,714
<i>To keep themselves from breaking</i>

1118
01:23:50,814 --> 01:23:53,346
<i>Is that all we need?</i>

1119
01:23:53,446 --> 01:23:56,705
<i>Didn't you warn me, didn't I want to</i>

1120
01:23:56,805 --> 01:24:00,040
<i>Make you feel the same?</i>

1121
01:24:00,140 --> 01:24:02,665
<i>Didn't you want me?</i>

1122
01:24:03,271 --> 01:24:07,034
<i>You know I've loved you from the start</i>

1123
01:24:07,134 --> 01:24:10,001
<i>But this house can't make you stay</i>

1124
01:24:10,101 --> 01:24:13,874
<i>Sometimes these things just fall apart</i>

1125
01:24:13,974 --> 01:24:16,485
<i>Could we ever be the same</i>

1126
01:24:16,585 --> 01:24:19,762
<i>Maybe I can never be
everything you'll ever need</i>

1127
01:24:19,862 --> 01:24:23,639
<i>But I could put my arms around you</i>

1128
01:24:30,157 --> 01:24:36,859
<i>Something here's still beautiful</i>

1129
01:24:36,959 --> 01:24:43,659
<i>Something only we know</i>

1130
01:24:43,999 --> 01:24:47,281
<i>Nothing's lost if</i>

1131
01:24:47,381 --> 01:24:53,112
<i>We can find it in time</i>

1132
01:24:53,212 --> 01:24:56,765
<i>Find it in time</i>

1133
01:24:58,483 --> 01:25:02,229
<i>Call up the general, call in the major</i>

1134
01:25:02,329 --> 01:25:05,235
<i>We need you now</i>

1135
01:25:05,335 --> 01:25:09,085
<i>Weren't there warnings
from headquarters?</i>

1136
01:25:09,185 --> 01:25:12,117
<i>Oh, no</i>

1137
01:25:12,217 --> 01:25:15,182
<i>Call up your mother, call in the tigers</i>

1138
01:25:15,282 --> 01:25:18,932
<i>You know I've loved you from the start</i>

1139
01:25:19,032 --> 01:25:21,904
<i>No, this house can't make us stay</i>

1140
01:25:22,004 --> 01:25:25,815
<i>Sometimes these things just fall apart</i>

1141
01:25:25,915 --> 01:25:28,398
<i>This will never be the same</i>

1142
01:25:28,498 --> 01:25:31,675
<i>Maybe you can never be
everything I'll ever need</i>

1143
01:25:31,775 --> 01:25:35,670
<i>But could you put your arms around me?</i>

1144
01:25:35,770 --> 01:25:40,654
<i>You know I've loved you from the start</i>

1145
01:25:42,434 --> 01:25:47,340
<i>But sometimes these things
just fall apart</i>

1145
01:25:48,305 --> 01:25:54,575
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