1
00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:43,920
JASON: It's 2:18 in the morning
in the middle of February.
2
00:00:44,671 --> 00:00:47,799
I've been sitting on a park
bench for almost four hours.
3
00:00:48,633 --> 00:00:50,468
I'm fucking freezing.
4
00:00:53,638 --> 00:00:55,473
Why am I sitting here?
5
00:00:55,557 --> 00:00:58,143
Why am I still
sitting on this bench?
6
00:00:59,018 --> 00:01:01,396
You know, it's
probably best if I rewind.
7
00:01:01,479 --> 00:01:03,982
If I back up and explain.
8
00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:07,485
Every relationship arrives
at a critical moment,
9
00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:09,446
a juncture,
10
00:01:09,529 --> 00:01:12,532
between moving forward
and moving on.
11
00:01:13,533 --> 00:01:15,994
I call that moment the "so."
12
00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:17,328
So...
13
00:01:17,871 --> 00:01:20,039
Where is this going, then?
14
00:01:20,123 --> 00:01:23,585
I think you're a... Like...
I think you're amazing.
15
00:01:23,668 --> 00:01:25,295
I think you're
an amazing girl. I...
16
00:01:29,420 --> 00:01:30,860
I think you're an amazing person.
No.
17
00:01:30,884 --> 00:01:32,427
I'm breaking up with you.
18
00:01:33,011 --> 00:01:34,262
Ihaveto.
You're breaking up?
19
00:01:34,345 --> 00:01:37,474
I'm sorry, Jason, I need
somebody who's ready.
20
00:01:37,557 --> 00:01:41,060
I need somebody who doesn't drink
coffee out of a cereal bowl.
21
00:01:41,144 --> 00:01:42,437
What?
22
00:01:42,562 --> 00:01:43,855
And has a bed frame.
23
00:01:44,063 --> 00:01:45,624
JASON: I wasn't confused
because she was
24
00:01:45,648 --> 00:01:47,192
breaking up with me.
25
00:01:47,275 --> 00:01:48,693
I'm so late for work.
26
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:53,072
I was confused because I had
no idea we were dating.
27
00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:57,786
I'm not even close
to the guy you need.
28
00:01:57,869 --> 00:01:59,621
The guy you deserve.
29
00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:01,414
Like... I'm...
30
00:02:01,873 --> 00:02:04,042
And I'm so sorry that
I can't be that guy.
31
00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:06,044
In her defense,
we'd been having sex, like,
32
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,962
once a week for six weeks.
33
00:02:08,922 --> 00:02:10,715
I'm so late for work.
34
00:02:11,216 --> 00:02:13,092
But in my defense,
that's a hookup
35
00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:14,886
approaching the seeing stage.
36
00:02:14,969 --> 00:02:16,596
I'm sorry, Jason.
37
00:02:17,055 --> 00:02:18,681
No. I understand.
38
00:02:19,641 --> 00:02:20,642
I understand.
39
00:02:20,725 --> 00:02:23,061
And what I understood was,
at that moment,
40
00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:25,772
we were definitely not dating.
41
00:02:38,076 --> 00:02:39,744
(PHONE RINGING)
42
00:02:44,286 --> 00:02:45,726
DANIEL: Dude, did you
get my message?
43
00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:46,918
Man, I left,
like, 10 minutes ago...
44
00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,044
(CAR HORNS HONKING)
45
00:02:48,127 --> 00:02:50,408
Come on, man. You're late. Look,
what have you been doing?
46
00:02:50,463 --> 00:02:51,589
What have I been doing?
47
00:02:51,673 --> 00:02:53,007
Christy just broke up with me.
48
00:02:53,091 --> 00:02:55,593
Oh, man.
Who's Christy?
49
00:02:57,095 --> 00:02:58,763
Vera, you home?
50
00:02:59,305 --> 00:03:00,390
(DOOR CLOSES)
51
00:03:01,599 --> 00:03:03,768
Oh. I didn't know
we had company.
52
00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:05,769
You're home early.
53
00:03:05,812 --> 00:03:07,438
Yeah, I skipped the gym.
54
00:03:08,481 --> 00:03:10,275
Oh, uh, this is my lawyer.
55
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:11,609
Oh, your lawyer.
56
00:03:12,819 --> 00:03:14,654
Actually,
he's a very good lawyer.
57
00:03:14,988 --> 00:03:16,406
Is everything okay?
58
00:03:17,448 --> 00:03:19,784
So your wife said that she
was having intense sex?
59
00:03:19,868 --> 00:03:20,952
Yes, intense.
60
00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:22,078
I can't believe
she said, "intense."
61
00:03:22,161 --> 00:03:23,663
That's what she said.
With a guy named Harold.
62
00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:26,583
And while she said this, her
lawyer was just sitting there?
63
00:03:26,666 --> 00:03:27,959
He looked like Morris Chestnut.
64
00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:30,628
Who the fuck is Morris Chestnut?
65
00:03:30,712 --> 00:03:31,713
From Boyz n the Hood.
66
00:03:31,796 --> 00:03:32,881
Ricky?
Yeah.
67
00:03:32,964 --> 00:03:34,591
Dude, I love Ricky.
68
00:03:35,091 --> 00:03:36,634
Not anymore.
69
00:03:36,718 --> 00:03:37,802
Who the fuck looks
like Morris Chestnut?
70
00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:39,387
Yeah. That's not a strong look.
Her lawyer.
71
00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:41,472
Her lawyer looks
like Morris Chestnut.
72
00:03:41,556 --> 00:03:43,141
Okay, and he was just
sitting there on the couch?
73
00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:45,393
Yeah, why was he just
sitting there on the couch?
74
00:03:48,313 --> 00:03:50,398
'Cause she wants a divorce.
75
00:03:52,442 --> 00:03:53,443
That's...
Fuck, man.
76
00:03:53,568 --> 00:03:55,153
Are you kidding me?
I'm sorry.
77
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,404
And here's the kicker,
her lawyer,
78
00:03:56,487 --> 00:03:57,530
the guy sitting there,
79
00:03:57,614 --> 00:03:59,324
the guy that looks
like Morris Chestnut,
80
00:03:59,449 --> 00:04:01,034
is the guy
she's having sex with.
81
00:04:01,159 --> 00:04:02,452
Harold?
Harold!
82
00:04:02,535 --> 00:04:04,329
Fuck Harold.
Oh!
83
00:04:04,996 --> 00:04:05,996
Oh, man.
84
00:04:06,039 --> 00:04:07,874
Did...
Did he say anything?
85
00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:10,525
(MUMBLES) He said
he liked my shoes.
86
00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:12,211
What?
He said what?
87
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:14,589
He said he liked my shoes.
88
00:04:19,177 --> 00:04:20,261
Well...
89
00:04:20,345 --> 00:04:22,555
He's not wrong.
They're cool shoes.
90
00:04:24,974 --> 00:04:27,060
What the fuck, man?
I don't deserve this.
91
00:04:27,143 --> 00:04:29,437
I don't know what
we're going to do, man.
92
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,939
We need to get him a hooker.
93
00:04:31,022 --> 00:04:32,023
We can't afford a hooker.
94
00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:33,858
Yeah, we can use a coupon. Get
him a cheap hooker. It's Mikey.
95
00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,401
No, we're not. Look. "East
Village girls for hire."
96
00:04:35,485 --> 00:04:36,485
No.
Right there.
97
00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:37,570
No.
Yeah.
98
00:04:37,654 --> 00:04:38,613
DANIEL: According
to this article,
99
00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:40,657
most of the bars on the East
Side are filled with hookers.
100
00:04:40,740 --> 00:04:41,741
You know what I love about you
101
00:04:41,824 --> 00:04:44,535
is that you literally believe
every single thing that you read.
102
00:04:44,619 --> 00:04:45,620
No, I don't.
Yes, you do.
103
00:04:45,703 --> 00:04:46,746
No, I don't.
Yes, you do.
104
00:04:46,829 --> 00:04:47,914
It's like you're nine years old.
105
00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:49,749
Ooh, no, no, no. They're
like young, cool hookers.
106
00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:51,153
They dress like
hipsters and shit.
107
00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:52,687
And I'm telling you
that I highly doubt
108
00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:54,045
that that is the case.
109
00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:55,129
Then why would
it be in a magazine?
110
00:04:55,213 --> 00:04:56,297
I don't know.
111
00:04:56,381 --> 00:04:57,757
Read it.
112
00:04:58,633 --> 00:05:00,885
"She dresses like any
other pretty young thing,
113
00:05:00,969 --> 00:05:03,304
"knee-high boots
strewn about the floor,
114
00:05:03,388 --> 00:05:05,598
"and a drawer filled
to the hilt with condoms
115
00:05:05,682 --> 00:05:07,883
"seemed the only indication
of her sideline occupation."
116
00:05:07,934 --> 00:05:08,977
How awesome is that?
117
00:05:09,060 --> 00:05:11,104
Hey guys. It's Fred.
118
00:05:11,187 --> 00:05:12,188
Hey, Fred.
119
00:05:13,231 --> 00:05:15,316
You know it's not
a phone. Right?
120
00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:17,610
You're actually here, Fred.
121
00:05:17,694 --> 00:05:18,820
We can see you.
122
00:05:18,903 --> 00:05:19,904
FRED: Totally.
123
00:05:21,531 --> 00:05:22,657
Oh!
124
00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:26,244
So you're due to present
on the Silverman book.
125
00:05:26,869 --> 00:05:28,246
So...
126
00:05:30,248 --> 00:05:32,667
You guys are
prepared? Right?
127
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:34,419
We'll be in there.
128
00:05:37,672 --> 00:05:38,965
That's a blank board.
129
00:05:40,633 --> 00:05:42,093
That's a gold mine.
130
00:05:42,844 --> 00:05:45,513
I mean, we gave you
stacks of examples.
131
00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:47,932
JASON: You mean these. Right?
132
00:05:48,016 --> 00:05:49,600
What you're seeing
there is exactly
133
00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:51,352
what you're gonna
see everywhere else.
134
00:05:51,436 --> 00:05:52,520
And we can deliver that.
135
00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:55,857
But when we're talking about
The Unexpectable Princess...
136
00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:57,025
Which is a great title.
137
00:05:57,150 --> 00:05:58,192
It's a wonderful,
wonderful title.
138
00:05:58,276 --> 00:05:59,610
But still, it's drowning
139
00:05:59,694 --> 00:06:02,488
in a sea of boring pastel.
Uh-huh.
140
00:06:02,572 --> 00:06:03,614
That's not what you want.
141
00:06:03,698 --> 00:06:05,283
And that's not what you need.
142
00:06:05,327 --> 00:06:06,487
I think I know what you need.
143
00:06:06,492 --> 00:06:07,535
I think he does.
144
00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:09,537
JASON: A book's cover
should hint at the story.
145
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:11,122
But not give away too much.
146
00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:12,582
This is about wish fulfillment.
147
00:06:15,168 --> 00:06:18,337
Black and white.
Cool and spare.
148
00:06:19,047 --> 00:06:22,091
Now, a recent study using MRls
149
00:06:22,175 --> 00:06:24,594
showed that women's brains
lit up like fireworks
150
00:06:24,677 --> 00:06:26,179
when they were
showed pictures of...
151
00:06:26,262 --> 00:06:27,263
A penis.
152
00:06:27,346 --> 00:06:28,514
What?
153
00:06:30,767 --> 00:06:31,851
No. No.
154
00:06:31,976 --> 00:06:33,061
MALE EXECUTIVE: No.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
155
00:06:33,144 --> 00:06:34,228
No.
No.
156
00:06:34,604 --> 00:06:36,064
No.
157
00:06:36,147 --> 00:06:38,399
JASON: Women's brains
lit up like fireworks
158
00:06:38,483 --> 00:06:41,069
when they were
showed pictures of
159
00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:44,405
shoes.
Shoes.
160
00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:47,075
Shoes.
161
00:06:47,158 --> 00:06:51,913
And nothing says wish fulfillment
like Christian Louboutin.
162
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:55,625
Ask any girl in the room.
163
00:06:59,170 --> 00:07:00,338
I love it.
164
00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:03,883
Dude, are you
taking a shit in there?
165
00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:04,966
Absolutely not.
166
00:07:05,009 --> 00:07:06,886
Every time you come over,
you take a shit in there.
167
00:07:06,969 --> 00:07:09,430
DANIEL: I'm not taking a shit.
I'm using self-tanner.
168
00:07:09,514 --> 00:07:10,514
Self-tanner?
169
00:07:10,556 --> 00:07:12,183
Yeah. I told that
assistant at Vogue
170
00:07:12,308 --> 00:07:13,851
I couldn't hang out
'cause I was in Toulon.
171
00:07:13,935 --> 00:07:16,145
Trying to phase her
out of my roster.
172
00:07:16,229 --> 00:07:18,147
Also, lam taking a shit.
173
00:07:18,231 --> 00:07:19,315
JASON: Every time.
174
00:07:19,398 --> 00:07:20,900
Every time.
175
00:07:24,362 --> 00:07:25,488
You did
the retrieve? Huh?
176
00:07:25,571 --> 00:07:27,406
I just grabbed whatever I could.
177
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:29,075
(TOILET FLUSHING)
178
00:07:29,136 --> 00:07:31,136
DANIEL: Yo, Mikey! Were you
taking a shit in there?
179
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,079
Yep.
Jesus! Every time.
180
00:07:33,204 --> 00:07:34,789
DANIEL: We're going the fuck out.
Is that ice cream?
181
00:07:34,872 --> 00:07:36,312
You bought ice cream, Mikey?
Come on.
182
00:07:36,374 --> 00:07:37,542
Yeah.
It's peanut butter chocolate.
183
00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:38,960
That's a great flavor.
Let me see it.
184
00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:40,723
Hey. We're going out. No ice cream.
No. No.
185
00:07:40,795 --> 00:07:42,797
You see, whiskey doesn't
mix well with ice cream.
186
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,382
Ineedit
DANIEL: Oh, you need it?
187
00:07:44,549 --> 00:07:46,509
Yes. You need it? What're
you, a fat teenage girl?
188
00:07:46,551 --> 00:07:47,635
What're you, Bridget Jones?
Really?
189
00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:49,262
Name calling? Is that
what we're doing? Yeah.
190
00:07:49,345 --> 00:07:50,429
Give me the ice cream.
No.
191
00:07:50,555 --> 00:07:52,306
Give me the ice cream. I know that look.
Get away from me.
192
00:07:52,390 --> 00:07:53,391
Give me the ice cream.
Back up, little man.
193
00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:55,268
Give me the ice cream.
Get off, man.
194
00:07:55,351 --> 00:07:57,353
Nobody gets ice cream!
195
00:07:57,436 --> 00:07:58,437
That was awesome.
196
00:07:58,521 --> 00:07:59,522
Did you throw it out the window?
197
00:07:59,605 --> 00:08:00,648
We're going out.
198
00:08:01,232 --> 00:08:04,026
I mean, I bet you thought you were
never going feel this again, man.
199
00:08:04,110 --> 00:08:06,654
The excitement. The energy. You
don't get this in relationships.
200
00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:08,072
I've been out of
the game so long
201
00:08:08,156 --> 00:08:09,615
I forgot how much I miss this.
202
00:08:09,699 --> 00:08:11,659
You were never in the game.
You were a married doctor.
203
00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:13,244
Ah, whatever. Hey, do
you guys want a mint?
204
00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:14,370
Yeah.
205
00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:15,535
Here we go.
That's for you.
206
00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:16,581
That's for you.
207
00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:17,704
That's a weird mint, dude.
208
00:08:17,748 --> 00:08:19,458
Yeah, I know.
It's Viagra.
209
00:08:19,542 --> 00:08:21,878
You've got four hours to drink like
Keith Richards and still get hard.
210
00:08:21,961 --> 00:08:24,755
Every good action movie
has a ticking clock. Right?
211
00:08:25,631 --> 00:08:26,924
Fucking idiots.
212
00:08:27,425 --> 00:08:28,593
Idiots.
213
00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:30,094
(DOWN ON LIFE PLAYING)
214
00:08:31,429 --> 00:08:32,722
I know!
215
00:08:33,264 --> 00:08:35,099
I'm fucking drunk right now.
216
00:08:35,183 --> 00:08:36,184
Yeah, that's right.
217
00:08:40,313 --> 00:08:41,689
I can't wait to get drunk.
218
00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:43,441
I can't do this.
I can't do this.
219
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:45,026
Hey, come here.
Yes, you can.
220
00:08:45,109 --> 00:08:46,652
Yes, you can.
You just need to be like,
221
00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:48,279
"Hey! I'm a
good-looking doctor."
222
00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:49,697
No, it would work for me, Mikey.
223
00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,032
Would it?
Yeah, it would.
224
00:08:51,115 --> 00:08:52,783
That would totally work for me.
225
00:08:54,035 --> 00:08:55,536
Hey! Chels!
226
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:59,624
Oh, my God! I love yourshoes! I've
been looking for those.
227
00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:00,875
Oh, thank you!
228
00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:02,877
Wow! You are beautiful.
229
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,546
Oh, this is my friend,
Daniel. He's amazing.
230
00:09:05,630 --> 00:09:07,423
But he's a virgin.
231
00:09:08,225 --> 00:09:09,985
Oh, there's always a catch.
CHELSEA: Mmm-hmm.
232
00:09:10,009 --> 00:09:13,221
I'm just trying to get laid
before I graduate high school.
233
00:09:13,304 --> 00:09:14,889
Hi, I'm Sophie.
234
00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:16,474
I know you are.
235
00:09:16,641 --> 00:09:18,226
♪ I could use a break
236
00:09:18,643 --> 00:09:22,647
♪ Me need to go down, down,
down, down on life
237
00:09:23,064 --> 00:09:26,234
♪ I need you to
take all my shadows
238
00:09:26,317 --> 00:09:27,526
Whiskey...
Yeah.
239
00:09:27,652 --> 00:09:29,453
I love you. We're doing it...
I love you, too.
240
00:09:29,528 --> 00:09:31,822
♪ I could use a break
241
00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:35,910
♪ Me need to go down, down,
down, down on life
242
00:09:36,494 --> 00:09:38,621
I've never met that guy before.
243
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:42,208
♪ All my shadows
for a walk tonight... 4“
244
00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:44,585
What's up, buddy?
How's it going?
245
00:09:44,669 --> 00:09:45,670
Well,
246
00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:48,256
I'm drinking alone in
a bar full of assholes.
247
00:09:48,339 --> 00:09:50,758
And all these girls, they seem
to like the assholes more.
248
00:09:50,925 --> 00:09:53,761
Dude, do you remember when for,
like, two years in college,
249
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:56,931
every single girl
that I liked liked you?
250
00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:58,015
Rebecca Daniels...
251
00:09:58,099 --> 00:09:59,100
Yeah. Rebecca Daniels.
252
00:09:59,183 --> 00:10:00,810
She was hot.
She was.
253
00:10:00,893 --> 00:10:02,311
She was all right.
254
00:10:02,395 --> 00:10:04,522
Where's the Mikey that got her?
255
00:10:05,690 --> 00:10:09,026
Because that guy
was fucking awesome.
256
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,737
(MORNING SUN PLAYING)
257
00:10:12,363 --> 00:10:14,283
That girl's staring at you
at the end of the bar.
258
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,075
Should I look?
No, not yet.
259
00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:17,159
Now.
No.
260
00:10:17,243 --> 00:10:18,286
Now.
No.
261
00:10:18,369 --> 00:10:19,620
Now.
No.
262
00:10:19,704 --> 00:10:21,330
Yeah, go ahead and look.
263
00:10:31,424 --> 00:10:32,842
Night away?
264
00:10:34,927 --> 00:10:36,762
Yeah. She was fucking Harold.
265
00:10:37,138 --> 00:10:38,806
There's always a Harold.
266
00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:41,309
There's always a Harold.
267
00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:42,685
Mmm.
Mmm.
268
00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:45,479
When I was a kid, I used to open
all the windows in my bedroom
269
00:10:45,563 --> 00:10:49,150
when it was freezing, and just
lay on top of the covers.
270
00:10:49,608 --> 00:10:50,651
Why?
271
00:10:50,735 --> 00:10:53,571
I wanted to understand what
it felt like to be homeless.
272
00:10:54,572 --> 00:10:56,574
Do you understand that feeling?
273
00:10:57,742 --> 00:10:59,910
Just needing to know?
274
00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:02,371
Wow.
275
00:11:02,455 --> 00:11:03,998
I know.
276
00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:06,167
He fucking looked
like Morris Chestnut.
277
00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:07,626
(LAUGHS) Who looks
like Morris Chestnut?
278
00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:09,795
It is not a good look. Nobody
should look like Morris Chestnut.
279
00:11:09,879 --> 00:11:12,131
Okay, who is Morris Chestnut?
280
00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:14,216
Apparently, he's a great lawyer.
281
00:11:16,761 --> 00:11:18,429
Well, I wrote my number on this.
282
00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:20,473
Use it when you're ready.
283
00:11:23,059 --> 00:11:24,620
Look, is this the part
where we go home?
284
00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:26,062
'Cause I'm not
really in the mood.
285
00:11:26,145 --> 00:11:28,272
You're sitting on my coat.
286
00:11:29,607 --> 00:11:30,775
Hmm.
287
00:11:32,068 --> 00:11:33,319
I am.
288
00:11:34,195 --> 00:11:35,196
I'm sorry about that.
289
00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:37,365
It's okay. Thanks.
Mmm-hmm.
290
00:11:37,448 --> 00:11:39,283
Good night.
Good night.
291
00:11:43,245 --> 00:11:44,330
Hey.
292
00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:45,831
I'm gonna get a drink.
You want a drink?
293
00:11:45,915 --> 00:11:46,874
Oh, no. I'm good.
Let me get you a drink.
294
00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:48,209
What, a vodka soda?
No, no, no.
295
00:11:48,292 --> 00:11:49,585
My man.
No.
296
00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:50,836
Come on.
It's just a drink.
297
00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:52,088
Oh, no. I'm good.
Thank you.
298
00:11:52,171 --> 00:11:53,506
I need a drink, too.
I'll get you a drink.
299
00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:55,716
Honestly, what if
I enjoy the drink?
300
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:57,385
What happens then?
(LAUGHS)
301
00:11:57,468 --> 00:11:59,804
I'd love to hear what
you think happens then.
302
00:12:00,930 --> 00:12:02,431
I'll tell you what happens.
303
00:12:02,515 --> 00:12:04,934
We go play beer pong
with your two roommates
304
00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:07,269
until I end up back at
yours in Murray Hill?
305
00:12:07,353 --> 00:12:08,854
Yeah, that's right.
How did you know that?
306
00:12:08,938 --> 00:12:11,607
And then we'll have to listen to
your roommate have sex with Hilary
307
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:14,735
or Emily or whatever the girl's
name is until we fall asleep.
308
00:12:14,819 --> 00:12:17,071
And then a year later, we're
still playing beer pong
309
00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:18,656
in the same bars
with your friends.
310
00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:21,409
Except now you feel pressure
to get married and have kids
311
00:12:21,492 --> 00:12:23,577
'cause you think
that's what I want.
312
00:12:23,661 --> 00:12:24,829
Then in the summers, drive up
313
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:26,038
to the Hamptons
to meet his parents,
314
00:12:26,122 --> 00:12:28,499
wondering the whole ride if they're
going to think you're pretty enough.
315
00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:29,625
Smart.
Wondering the whole ride,
316
00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:30,876
if they're going to
think you're smart enough.
317
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:33,254
Because no one is. And then we
have to drink shitty chardonnay.
318
00:12:33,337 --> 00:12:34,422
At a shitty garden party.
319
00:12:34,465 --> 00:12:35,665
And have shitty conversations.
320
00:12:35,673 --> 00:12:36,673
About shitty people.
321
00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:38,050
With his shitty mother.
322
00:12:38,134 --> 00:12:39,718
Who, let's face it, doesn't
think you're smart enough.
323
00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:40,802
Pretty.
324
00:12:40,845 --> 00:12:43,055
Who, let's face it, doesn't
think you're pretty enough.
325
00:12:43,139 --> 00:12:44,890
Because no one is.
326
00:12:44,974 --> 00:12:46,851
No one ever will be.
327
00:12:47,430 --> 00:12:49,830
What was all that shit? Look,
I'm just talking about a drink.
328
00:12:49,854 --> 00:12:53,774
Yeah, but it wasn't just
a drink, though, was it?
329
00:12:53,858 --> 00:12:55,526
It was a marriage proposal.
330
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:58,154
Oh, marriage. No, I was...
331
00:12:58,612 --> 00:13:00,364
Just a vodka soda.
332
00:13:01,866 --> 00:13:03,075
Fuck you guys. I'm...
333
00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:05,744
Drink?
Yeah.
334
00:13:06,245 --> 00:13:08,789
(HEARTBEAT PLAYING)
(BOTH MOANING)
335
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:10,749
(BOTH LAUGHING)
336
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:18,215
You're amazing.
337
00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:20,092
Let's get out of here.
338
00:13:20,718 --> 00:13:22,052
(LAUGHING)
339
00:13:26,474 --> 00:13:27,975
You like that?
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
340
00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:31,228
You're sitting on my coat.
(GROANS)
341
00:13:38,402 --> 00:13:40,571
l have to use your bathroom.
342
00:13:42,406 --> 00:13:43,616
(EXHALES)
343
00:14:02,468 --> 00:14:03,844
(GASPS SOFTLY)
344
00:14:05,930 --> 00:14:06,931
Fuck. Pick up.
345
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:08,390
Pick up. Pick up
your phone!
346
00:14:08,474 --> 00:14:09,725
Dude, I have a serious problem.
347
00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:12,394
DANIEL: You got a problem. I got a problem.
I gotta take a leak right now.
348
00:14:12,478 --> 00:14:14,719
And my boner looks like that
thing on The Price ls Right.
349
00:14:14,772 --> 00:14:15,773
(WHISPERING) Bob Barker?
350
00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:16,857
Yeah, my dick
looks like Bob Barker.
351
00:14:16,941 --> 00:14:19,068
No, you asshole, that thing
that stops the wheel.
352
00:14:19,151 --> 00:14:21,028
What? I think I took
too much Viagra.
353
00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:22,196
I just really
got to take a leak.
354
00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:25,074
You have to just get horizontal.
355
00:14:25,157 --> 00:14:26,909
Get horizontal?
What the...
356
00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:28,202
You need to be horizontal.
357
00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:30,204
Me or the boner?
Both.
358
00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:31,872
I can't. My boner is
perpendicular to my body.
359
00:14:31,956 --> 00:14:32,998
Just try it, man.
360
00:14:33,082 --> 00:14:35,543
This is the stupidest idea I've
ever heard of. What the...
361
00:14:35,626 --> 00:14:36,835
This isn't... Whoa!
(URINATING)
362
00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:39,380
Wait, bro,
it's actually working.
363
00:14:39,463 --> 00:14:40,881
Of course it is,
but, dude, listen to me.
364
00:14:40,965 --> 00:14:43,842
I think the girl that I just
had sex with is a hooker.
365
00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:45,010
What? That's awesome.
366
00:14:45,094 --> 00:14:47,596
No! It's not awesome, man.
What if she makes me pay?
367
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:48,764
I don't have hooker money.
368
00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,349
You definitely don't
have hooker money. Dude.
369
00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:51,976
I don't know what to do,
man. You gotta help me.
370
00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:53,686
Okay, well, you know what?
If she asks for cash,
371
00:14:53,769 --> 00:14:55,312
you could pretend that
you're a hooker, too,
372
00:14:55,479 --> 00:14:57,022
and maybe the rates
would balance out.
373
00:14:57,106 --> 00:14:59,066
You are so fucking useless.
Do you know that?
374
00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:00,429
Is your dick touching the water?
375
00:15:00,818 --> 00:15:01,819
Fuck you.
376
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:16,333
MIKEY: Which one of you
divas uses self-tanner?
377
00:15:17,001 --> 00:15:18,669
I do. Why?
378
00:15:20,129 --> 00:15:21,609
Because I beat off
with it last night.
379
00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:22,673
(BOTH LAUGHING)
380
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:24,758
Why... Why didn't you
even read the bottle?
381
00:15:24,842 --> 00:15:25,884
I was a little drunk.
382
00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:27,344
What?
What?
383
00:15:27,428 --> 00:15:28,971
My shit is orange.
JASON: Oh!
384
00:15:29,555 --> 00:15:31,515
Oh, my God.Look at this!
385
00:15:31,599 --> 00:15:32,600
Oh, no.
386
00:15:32,683 --> 00:15:34,310
Who knew that could
even happen to you?
387
00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:35,686
(BOTH CONTINUE LAUGHING)
388
00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:38,147
I didn't know you
could change colors.
389
00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:39,940
Stop.
Your dick looks like a yam.
390
00:15:40,035 --> 00:15:41,876
Your dick looks like a traffic cone.
Just stop.
391
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,236
Your dick looks like
a can of cheddar Pringles.
392
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:45,320
That's fucked up.
393
00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:46,989
JASON: You dick looks like
Spike Lee at a Knicks game.
394
00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:50,242
If your dick was jumping over the
river, it would be the General Lee.
395
00:15:50,326 --> 00:15:51,410
(BOTH LAUGHING)
396
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:54,053
All right! All right! What happened
to you two idiots last night?
397
00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,539
I freaked out and left. I
didn't know what to do.
398
00:15:55,623 --> 00:15:57,374
It's her bread and butter. It's
how she keeps the lights on.
399
00:15:57,458 --> 00:15:58,459
You basically robbed a hooker.
400
00:15:58,542 --> 00:16:00,127
I didn't rob her.
401
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:01,295
Yes, you did. You
robbed this hooker, man.
402
00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:02,546
You're like the opposite
of Robin Hood.
403
00:16:02,630 --> 00:16:04,298
I didn't rob her. And
that's the thing. I mean,
404
00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:06,050
everything else
about her was perfect.
405
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:07,801
I mean, she was smart.
She was funny.
406
00:16:07,885 --> 00:16:09,928
She was the kind of
girl I would date.
407
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:12,806
If she didn't, you know, happen
to fuck random guys for money.
408
00:16:12,890 --> 00:16:14,642
ALL: Yeah. That's
really the only thing
409
00:16:14,725 --> 00:16:16,143
that's getting in the way
of that relationship.
410
00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:17,353
Fuck you guys.
411
00:16:17,436 --> 00:16:19,271
Did you friend that girl yet, Mikey?
The glasses girl?
412
00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:21,076
No. I mean, can you
even do that that fast?
413
00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:22,941
Dude! You've gotta make her laugh.
Get a rapport going.
414
00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:24,068
Yeah, man. Give me
your phone real quick.
415
00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:26,153
Give him your phone. We live in
an extremely efficient world.
416
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:27,988
Somebody else could be
sealing the deal right now.
417
00:16:28,072 --> 00:16:31,492
Listen, (CHUCKLES) last night was amazing.
Okay? I had a great time.
418
00:16:31,575 --> 00:16:33,077
You guys were awesome.
Thank you.
419
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,995
All right?
But I'm gonna call Vera.
420
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,914
We've got things
that we need to work on.
421
00:16:37,081 --> 00:16:38,332
No. That's a bad move.
Come on.
422
00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:39,500
You don't wanna do that.
Horrible move.
423
00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:40,983
We had so much fun last night.
Yeah.
424
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:42,043
Wow.
425
00:16:42,086 --> 00:16:43,337
JASON: What?
426
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:44,421
Uh, she“.
427
00:16:45,798 --> 00:16:47,007
She changed it.
428
00:16:47,091 --> 00:16:48,217
BOTH; What?
429
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:49,468
What are you talking about?
430
00:16:51,637 --> 00:16:53,722
Uh, Vera.
431
00:16:53,806 --> 00:16:56,058
It used to say, "married,"
and now it says...
432
00:16:58,060 --> 00:16:59,478
It says nothing.
433
00:17:03,232 --> 00:17:04,775
All right,
I married a smart girl.
434
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,443
I married the right girl.
Right?
435
00:17:06,527 --> 00:17:08,570
I went to med school
right after college.
436
00:17:08,654 --> 00:17:10,698
I did what I was supposed to do.
437
00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:14,702
I checked the boxes.
438
00:17:17,636 --> 00:17:19,516
JASON: But maybe what you
did didn't check hers.
439
00:17:19,540 --> 00:17:20,999
MIKEY: We had
the same boxes.
440
00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:22,501
DANIEL: Did you have
the same boxes?
441
00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:24,044
Maybe you need a little
more experience with boxes.
442
00:17:24,128 --> 00:17:26,171
Yeah, maybe we should lead you
down the path to better boxes.
443
00:17:26,255 --> 00:17:27,631
Look, guys. I don't need that.
All right?
444
00:17:27,715 --> 00:17:29,795
I need to call Vera and I
need to work this shit out.
445
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,218
That's what I'm going to do.
I need to call her, okay?
446
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:33,095
I need to call Vera. I need
to work this shit out.
447
00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:34,458
It kills me to
see you like this.
448
00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:35,639
Yeah.
449
00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:37,599
Hey.
450
00:17:37,683 --> 00:17:39,685
It's an opportunity
to have some fun.
451
00:17:39,768 --> 00:17:41,270
Man, this is about
all of us, man.
452
00:17:41,395 --> 00:17:42,915
This is about all
of us being together.
453
00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:44,481
When are we all
gonna be unattached?
454
00:17:44,565 --> 00:17:46,400
In our 30s we're gonna
settle down with kids.
455
00:17:46,483 --> 00:17:48,861
We're gonna live a boring life.
It's about us right now.
456
00:17:49,987 --> 00:17:50,988
I don't know.
457
00:17:51,155 --> 00:17:52,990
We're staying single with you, man.
I just don't know.
458
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:54,450
We're staying single with you.
459
00:17:55,534 --> 00:17:58,537
We're gonna keep last night alive
as long as humanly possible.
460
00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:00,038
Nobody gets in a relationship.
461
00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:01,915
Nobody changes their status.
462
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,626
Right?
463
00:18:07,171 --> 00:18:08,171
I'm in.
464
00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:09,339
I'm in.
465
00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:13,635
Come on!
Come on!
466
00:18:13,719 --> 00:18:15,095
Come on!
Come on!
467
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:18,348
Michael? Are you in?
468
00:18:21,018 --> 00:18:22,227
Fuck it. I'm in.
469
00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:26,356
(ALL CHEERING)
470
00:18:28,734 --> 00:18:30,527
So, we going for this?
Yeah.
471
00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:36,074
I mean, it's a pretty
bleak ending to a book,
472
00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:38,494
so shouldn't we leave people
with some hope?
473
00:18:38,577 --> 00:18:40,746
From where in the Midwest
did this one wash up?
474
00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:42,664
Fresh off her master's
from Chicago.
475
00:18:42,748 --> 00:18:44,833
Master's in what?
Sentimentality?
476
00:18:44,917 --> 00:18:46,710
I don't think so.
477
00:18:47,211 --> 00:18:49,671
I just think you have to
believe in possibility.
478
00:18:49,755 --> 00:18:51,548
Oh, sweetie. Welcome
to New York.
479
00:18:51,632 --> 00:18:54,384
You're young and you're pretty
and the world is yours.
480
00:18:56,011 --> 00:18:57,971
But you're nobody's
first wife yet.
481
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,683
Well, we're all pretty...
482
00:19:01,767 --> 00:19:03,393
Oh! Oh, look who's here.
Hi.
483
00:19:03,477 --> 00:19:04,637
FRED: Glad you could make it.
484
00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:05,729
Yeah.
485
00:19:05,813 --> 00:19:08,690
DANIEL: I gotta tell you I'm really
excited about this cover, guys.
486
00:19:08,774 --> 00:19:09,983
JASON: (YAWNS) Hey.
487
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:11,610
Here you go.
Okay.
488
00:19:11,902 --> 00:19:13,320
(SIGHS) Hey-
489
00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:15,072
Holy shit.
490
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,744
Everyone. How's it going?
491
00:19:21,078 --> 00:19:22,371
FRED: Good, good.
492
00:19:23,372 --> 00:19:24,581
Uh...
493
00:19:29,378 --> 00:19:31,588
So, do you want to
tell us a little bit
494
00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:33,924
about your approach
with this cover?
495
00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:41,807
Yeah. I'd love
a little explanation.
496
00:19:44,852 --> 00:19:46,103
Um...
497
00:19:49,273 --> 00:19:50,691
It... (STAMMERING)
498
00:19:50,774 --> 00:19:52,693
It is what it is.
499
00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,111
AMANDA: "It is what it is"?
500
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,238
That's what you say when
you get a parking ticket.
501
00:19:56,321 --> 00:19:57,447
I know.
502
00:19:57,531 --> 00:20:00,200
It looks to me like the
guy here wants to escape.
503
00:20:00,492 --> 00:20:02,286
Hmm. Does he?
504
00:20:02,953 --> 00:20:06,456
AMANDA: And we want him to stay.
That's the fantasy of men in the city.
505
00:20:06,540 --> 00:20:08,876
It seems like she'll bring
him home in the bag,
506
00:20:08,959 --> 00:20:11,837
totally trusting him and then
after they sleep together,
507
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,797
he'll prove to be
too much of an asshole
508
00:20:13,881 --> 00:20:16,383
to actually stick around
for a couple of hours.
509
00:20:17,718 --> 00:20:22,139
So tell me, Jason.
Why wouldn't the guy stay?
510
00:20:23,265 --> 00:20:24,433
Hmm?
511
00:20:24,766 --> 00:20:26,435
I thought you were a hooker.
512
00:20:27,978 --> 00:20:28,979
What?
513
00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:30,063
A hooker.
514
00:20:30,147 --> 00:20:31,148
Why?
515
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,232
There were hooker signs.
516
00:20:32,316 --> 00:20:33,358
What's a hooker sign?
517
00:20:33,442 --> 00:20:35,027
You had on hooker boots.
Lots of people have them.
518
00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:36,069
There were tons of condoms.
519
00:20:36,153 --> 00:20:37,195
Did you ever think
they might be there
520
00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:38,363
because I'm not
having a ton of sex?
521
00:20:38,447 --> 00:20:39,948
No! I thought they
were a hooker sign!
522
00:20:40,032 --> 00:20:41,074
What's a hooker sign?
523
00:20:41,158 --> 00:20:42,618
What about The Story of O?
524
00:20:42,701 --> 00:20:44,244
That was research for a book.
525
00:20:44,328 --> 00:20:45,746
There were
envelopes full of cash.
526
00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:49,499
I pay my landlord in cash so
that he can commit tax fraud.
527
00:20:49,583 --> 00:20:51,835
How long have you
lived in New York?
528
00:20:52,836 --> 00:20:54,254
Man, not long enough.
529
00:20:54,338 --> 00:20:55,756
Yeah.
530
00:20:55,839 --> 00:20:57,799
Wait. Can I make it
up to you?
531
00:20:58,258 --> 00:20:59,718
Let me make it up to you.
532
00:21:01,011 --> 00:21:03,013
You wanna make it up to me?
533
00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:05,307
Can I?
534
00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:10,562
I don't know.
535
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:15,859
You can have my number.
536
00:21:17,152 --> 00:21:18,528
And...
537
00:21:19,196 --> 00:21:21,365
Maybe you can.
538
00:21:39,841 --> 00:21:42,594
Yeah, dude. Everybody knows you
can't call a girl a hooker.
539
00:21:42,678 --> 00:21:44,198
Even hookers hate
being called hookers.
540
00:21:44,262 --> 00:21:45,681
I'm gonna bring Ellie around.
541
00:21:45,764 --> 00:21:47,849
No, you're not!
No, you're not.
542
00:21:47,933 --> 00:21:49,017
I'm gonna get her on the roster.
543
00:21:49,101 --> 00:21:50,185
Wait. A roster?
544
00:21:50,268 --> 00:21:51,269
Yeah. A roster.
545
00:21:51,353 --> 00:21:52,521
It's a group of girls
that you're hooking up with
546
00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:53,855
that keeps you from sending
the wrong message.
547
00:21:53,939 --> 00:21:55,649
Which is what? That you
wanna date one of them.
548
00:21:55,732 --> 00:21:57,234
You gotta start
building a roster.
549
00:21:57,317 --> 00:21:58,652
Yeah. It'll help ease
the transition a little.
550
00:21:58,735 --> 00:21:59,778
No, no. I do not need a roster.
Okay?
551
00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:00,861
Yes, you do.
552
00:22:00,904 --> 00:22:01,989
I can't keep one girl.
553
00:22:02,072 --> 00:22:03,240
What makes you think I can
handle a bunch of them?
554
00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:04,950
You just keep a bunch of them
for a short period of time
555
00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:06,535
and then you send them out
into the world to flourish.
556
00:22:06,618 --> 00:22:07,786
Like college kids.
Yes.
557
00:22:07,869 --> 00:22:09,121
Or like capitalism.
558
00:22:09,204 --> 00:22:10,497
And then you replenish the team.
559
00:22:10,580 --> 00:22:13,041
Think of a roster like a
spiritual and physical...
560
00:22:13,125 --> 00:22:14,209
Mostly physical.
561
00:22:14,292 --> 00:22:15,836
Rejuvenation of the male soul.
562
00:22:15,919 --> 00:22:17,559
Which you guys clearly
don't fucking have.
563
00:22:17,629 --> 00:22:18,797
Think of it like a spa.
564
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,215
A spa for your cock.
565
00:22:20,298 --> 00:22:22,009
A cock spa.
Yep.
566
00:22:22,092 --> 00:22:23,552
You just got to
use whatever skills
567
00:22:23,677 --> 00:22:25,137
that you have available to you.
Mmm.
568
00:22:25,220 --> 00:22:26,930
Girls love personalization.
569
00:22:27,014 --> 00:22:28,015
You guys are idiots.
570
00:22:28,098 --> 00:22:29,099
You're an idiot.
571
00:22:31,893 --> 00:22:32,978
(DOOR OPENS)
572
00:22:33,228 --> 00:22:34,521
Vera!
573
00:22:35,731 --> 00:22:37,691
Look, I'm... I'm sorry
to barge in on you.
574
00:22:37,774 --> 00:22:39,109
What are you doing here?
575
00:22:40,569 --> 00:22:41,820
Okay, look.
576
00:22:42,946 --> 00:22:46,158
I know that this is an
awkward thing to do, but...
577
00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:49,327
Um...
578
00:22:50,454 --> 00:22:53,874
I have been having some pain.
579
00:22:54,750 --> 00:22:56,793
And, um, I just...
580
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:00,589
I don't know.
581
00:23:01,256 --> 00:23:02,883
You came because
you needed my help.
582
00:23:02,966 --> 00:23:04,593
I came to apologize.
I did.
583
00:23:04,634 --> 00:23:06,386
You came because you needed my help.
Mikey.
584
00:23:08,472 --> 00:23:11,725
I just... I've been
thinking about you.
585
00:24:03,527 --> 00:24:05,946
It really was just
a simple misunderstanding.
586
00:24:06,029 --> 00:24:07,280
Yeah, it was like, "What
kind of girl would I be
587
00:24:07,364 --> 00:24:09,116
"if I didn't eventually
find it funny?"
588
00:24:09,199 --> 00:24:12,702
You'd be probably every other
girl in the world. I think.
589
00:24:14,704 --> 00:24:15,831
I'm really sorry.
590
00:24:16,540 --> 00:24:18,625
But I'm not every
other girl in the world.
591
00:24:18,708 --> 00:24:19,793
No.
592
00:24:20,168 --> 00:24:21,169
I guess you're not.
593
00:24:21,253 --> 00:24:23,839
And then I kind of developed
my own style, I guess.
594
00:24:23,922 --> 00:24:25,465
And now you...
595
00:24:25,549 --> 00:24:27,175
Design book covers.
596
00:24:27,259 --> 00:24:28,677
Amongst other things.
597
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:30,971
Well, I guess you get people
to believe in something enough
598
00:24:31,054 --> 00:24:32,305
to want to buy it.
599
00:24:32,389 --> 00:24:34,641
I get people to
believe in the surface.
600
00:24:34,724 --> 00:24:37,602
To do the one thing your
parents told you not to do.
601
00:24:37,686 --> 00:24:39,604
To judge a book by its cover.
602
00:24:39,729 --> 00:24:40,856
Exactly.
603
00:24:41,347 --> 00:24:42,708
Oh, we weren't
supposed to do that.
604
00:24:42,732 --> 00:24:44,012
You weren't supposed to do that.
605
00:24:44,067 --> 00:24:46,069
See? I was encouraged.
606
00:24:46,153 --> 00:24:48,655
Another example of
just plain awful parenting.
607
00:24:50,907 --> 00:24:53,451
But, like, the job
that you have right now,
608
00:24:53,535 --> 00:24:55,776
like, is it something that you
actually want to be doing?
609
00:24:56,079 --> 00:24:57,831
You know what?
It can be fun.
610
00:24:57,914 --> 00:24:59,583
But do I love it?
611
00:24:59,666 --> 00:25:00,876
You don't.
No.
612
00:25:00,959 --> 00:25:02,627
Don't you want
to love something?
613
00:25:04,588 --> 00:25:06,590
What? Do you love
what you do?
614
00:25:06,673 --> 00:25:08,758
I started this
new lecture series.
615
00:25:08,842 --> 00:25:11,282
And authors can come along and
they can talk about their work.
616
00:25:11,344 --> 00:25:12,504
That's awesome.
Yes. So great.
617
00:25:12,554 --> 00:25:14,014
And people come?
No.
618
00:25:14,097 --> 00:25:15,599
No?
No. (LAUGHS)
619
00:25:16,141 --> 00:25:17,309
But I...
620
00:25:17,392 --> 00:25:19,936
It's okay. I mean, I figure
that if I keep doing It,
621
00:25:20,020 --> 00:25:21,771
it could be a really,
really amazing thing.
622
00:25:21,938 --> 00:25:23,190
(LAUGHING)
623
00:25:24,482 --> 00:25:27,944
You should come along to one
of them if you're around.
624
00:25:28,028 --> 00:25:29,029
Oh, I don't know.
625
00:25:29,112 --> 00:25:31,448
I can't really tell if
it's important to you.
626
00:25:31,781 --> 00:25:33,116
(LAUGHING)
627
00:25:35,952 --> 00:25:38,330
I'm sorry.
That's a weird laugh.
628
00:25:45,545 --> 00:25:47,797
ELLIE: This is my favorite
place in the city.
629
00:25:48,548 --> 00:25:50,008
JASON: Yeah.
It's beautiful.
630
00:25:51,551 --> 00:25:55,847
(LAUGHS) I know that I'm
romanticizing the idea,
631
00:25:57,307 --> 00:25:58,642
but come on.
632
00:25:59,351 --> 00:26:03,271
That's kind of my dream. To
have the key to Gramercy Park.
633
00:26:05,148 --> 00:26:08,902
New York's charm is you're
surrounded by things you can't have.
634
00:26:09,945 --> 00:26:14,032
New York's charm is it makes
you think you can have them.
635
00:26:20,205 --> 00:26:25,252
You know, I'd love to look
inside before we buy.
636
00:26:25,919 --> 00:26:27,295
Me, too.
637
00:26:27,379 --> 00:26:30,423
In the meantime,
we can go back to my place.
638
00:26:30,507 --> 00:26:32,717
It's very similar, actually.
639
00:26:32,801 --> 00:26:35,845
Except for everything about it.
640
00:26:36,846 --> 00:26:38,348
I gotta get home.
641
00:26:38,431 --> 00:26:39,808
Okay. Yours, it is.
642
00:26:40,183 --> 00:26:41,463
You're one hell of a negotiator.
643
00:26:41,518 --> 00:26:45,105
This kind of stuff just rolls
off your tongue doesn't it?
644
00:26:45,188 --> 00:26:47,399
I'm just trying
to make you laugh.
645
00:26:58,702 --> 00:27:01,246
I don't like how
well it's working.
646
00:27:07,627 --> 00:27:08,795
(SIGHS) Fuck...
647
00:27:12,499 --> 00:27:14,819
CHELSEA: Wait, so you guys still
haven't gotten Mikey laid?
648
00:27:14,843 --> 00:27:15,843
No.
What's wrong with you?
649
00:27:15,885 --> 00:27:16,886
You're like
the worst wingman ever.
650
00:27:16,970 --> 00:27:18,805
Are you kidding me, Chelsea?
I'm an incredible wingman.
651
00:27:18,888 --> 00:27:20,015
I know, but, like, nothing?
652
00:27:20,098 --> 00:27:21,141
It's just harder
than you think with him.
653
00:27:21,224 --> 00:27:22,183
Like, what about a blowjob?
654
00:27:22,267 --> 00:27:23,601
I'm good right now,
but thank you.
655
00:27:23,685 --> 00:27:24,936
Uh-huh.
Maybe in, like, 10 minutes?
656
00:27:25,020 --> 00:27:26,020
Maybe after this beer?
657
00:27:26,062 --> 00:27:27,063
Sorry, I'm just
making a mental list
658
00:27:27,147 --> 00:27:29,024
of all the things I'd like to
do before giving you a blowjob.
659
00:27:29,107 --> 00:27:30,358
Wow. Really?
660
00:27:30,442 --> 00:27:32,861
Oh! Kill myself
is number one.
661
00:27:32,944 --> 00:27:34,612
Are you serious?
Jesus. What's number two?
662
00:27:34,863 --> 00:27:37,198
Uh... Just, like,
awaiting trial in Guantanamo.
663
00:27:37,282 --> 00:27:38,825
Mmm-hmm? Yup.
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
664
00:27:38,908 --> 00:27:42,203
Oh, come on, man. The blues?
Are you fucking serious?
665
00:27:42,287 --> 00:27:45,999
What the fuck does Captain
Attractive have to be so sad about?
666
00:27:46,082 --> 00:27:47,500
I don't know.
667
00:27:47,584 --> 00:27:52,213
I think he's going for
brooding and dark, mysterious.
668
00:27:52,297 --> 00:27:53,418
It's kind of working for me.
669
00:27:53,423 --> 00:27:54,632
That is working?
Yes.
670
00:27:54,716 --> 00:27:57,236
You cannot be that attractive and
have a skill. That's bullshit.
671
00:27:57,260 --> 00:27:59,095
Well, I'm gonna play,
so you're wrong.
672
00:27:59,179 --> 00:28:01,056
Ooh, then somebody's in trouble.
673
00:28:01,139 --> 00:28:03,141
Cheer up, asshole.
You're the guy.
674
00:28:04,309 --> 00:28:05,518
Buckle up.
675
00:28:05,602 --> 00:28:07,437
Hey, excuse me? I just wanted
to tell you great job.
676
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:08,938
I almost cried right there.
677
00:28:09,147 --> 00:28:10,648
It was really
some powerful stuff.
678
00:28:10,732 --> 00:28:12,609
Yeah. It was brooding, dark,
and mysterious, apparently.
679
00:28:12,734 --> 00:28:14,444
Yeah. Thanks. That's
what I was going for.
680
00:28:14,694 --> 00:28:15,862
Told you.
681
00:28:15,945 --> 00:28:16,905
This is my friend, Chelsea.
682
00:28:16,988 --> 00:28:19,574
She's not much to look at, but wait
till you hear her play the piano.
683
00:28:19,657 --> 00:28:20,784
Really good.
684
00:28:20,909 --> 00:28:22,035
I can't wait. I'm Diego.
685
00:28:22,869 --> 00:28:23,870
I know you are.
686
00:28:23,953 --> 00:28:26,581
I warn you, though. She can be
really aggressive sometimes.
687
00:28:26,664 --> 00:28:27,707
(LAUGHS) Is that right?
688
00:28:27,791 --> 00:28:29,918
But you can tame her with
tequila and compliments.
689
00:28:30,001 --> 00:28:31,044
Yeah.
So...
690
00:28:31,127 --> 00:28:32,587
Super aggressive.
Oh, yeah?
691
00:28:32,670 --> 00:28:33,755
Hey, are you home?
692
00:28:33,838 --> 00:28:35,215
MIKEY: No. I'm at the hospital.
Where are you?
693
00:28:35,298 --> 00:28:36,466
I'm headed back.
694
00:28:36,549 --> 00:28:37,717
All right. So?
695
00:28:37,801 --> 00:28:38,801
How was it?
696
00:28:38,843 --> 00:28:40,887
It was amazing, man.
She was amazing.
697
00:28:40,970 --> 00:28:42,650
So is she coming back
to the house or what?
698
00:28:43,390 --> 00:28:44,724
Not exactly.
699
00:28:45,934 --> 00:28:47,519
(PLAYING AFTER YOU'VE GONE)
700
00:28:48,895 --> 00:28:54,526
♪ Now listen, honey, while I say
701
00:28:56,236 --> 00:29:01,699
♪ How can you fix your mind
to say you're going away?
702
00:29:04,035 --> 00:29:06,454
♪ Don't say that we must part
703
00:29:11,126 --> 00:29:15,630
♪ Don't break my aching heart
704
00:29:18,550 --> 00:29:21,469
♪ You know you love me...
705
00:29:23,805 --> 00:29:25,098
Hey.
706
00:29:25,223 --> 00:29:26,516
After midnight? Really?
707
00:29:26,683 --> 00:29:28,268
I couldn't sleep.
Hmm.
708
00:29:30,854 --> 00:29:32,689
It's good to see you.
709
00:29:33,690 --> 00:29:37,277
♪ How can you leave me?
710
00:29:40,822 --> 00:29:44,409
♪ Listen while I say (SIGHS)
711
00:29:45,702 --> 00:29:47,245
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
712
00:29:48,538 --> 00:29:50,582
♪ After you've gone
713
00:29:52,250 --> 00:29:55,462
♪ After you've gone away S'
714
00:29:59,382 --> 00:30:00,633
(LAUGHING)
715
00:30:06,473 --> 00:30:08,766
So what happened with you
and the piano man? Rodrigo?
716
00:30:08,850 --> 00:30:10,351
Diego?
Diego.
717
00:30:10,435 --> 00:30:11,478
I don't know.
718
00:30:11,561 --> 00:30:13,354
I don't want to date a guy that's
prettier than me. You know?
719
00:30:13,438 --> 00:30:15,064
Yeah. Me neither.
720
00:30:15,148 --> 00:30:16,399
Plus, he works out.
721
00:30:16,483 --> 00:30:17,804
I don't want a man
that works out.
722
00:30:17,817 --> 00:30:20,570
Yeah. I worked out
once. 2004.
723
00:30:20,653 --> 00:30:22,447
Got on the 15 dumbbells.
724
00:30:22,530 --> 00:30:24,449
I was like, "Those are way too
light, let me go to the 30s."
725
00:30:24,532 --> 00:30:25,572
Nice.
And if you feel it...
726
00:30:25,575 --> 00:30:26,618
Don't. I don't
wanna touch it.
727
00:30:26,701 --> 00:30:27,827
And then I hit the hammies.
728
00:30:27,911 --> 00:30:29,245
Some quads.
And if you feel that.
729
00:30:29,370 --> 00:30:30,691
You definitely
got the lingo down.
730
00:30:30,747 --> 00:30:31,789
Do you see that?
No.
731
00:30:31,873 --> 00:30:33,291
Ah, well...
Fat.
732
00:30:33,374 --> 00:30:35,793
That's what happens
when you work out
733
00:30:35,877 --> 00:30:37,420
Once.
(LAUGHS)
734
00:30:39,088 --> 00:30:40,381
What are you doing here anyway?
735
00:30:40,465 --> 00:30:41,549
What do you mean?
I don't know.
736
00:30:41,633 --> 00:30:44,093
Weren't you supposed to hang out
with that girl from Trinity?
737
00:30:44,219 --> 00:30:49,432
Oh, yeah. I had to tell her I wasn't
looking for anything too serious.
738
00:30:49,641 --> 00:30:51,601
Oh. 'Cause if it ever
stopped being fun for you
739
00:30:51,726 --> 00:30:53,603
guys, you'd want
to just call it off?
740
00:30:53,686 --> 00:30:55,021
That's... Yeah.
I know.
741
00:30:55,104 --> 00:30:56,105
You got it down.
742
00:30:56,189 --> 00:30:57,190
Brother. I know the spiel.
Brother.
743
00:30:57,273 --> 00:30:58,525
Yeah.
744
00:30:58,656 --> 00:31:00,336
I don't know. I just
thought you liked her.
745
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:01,444
I did like her.
746
00:31:01,528 --> 00:31:04,072
She was cool, really smart,
funny, well-read.
747
00:31:04,155 --> 00:31:05,865
Great family.
Love it
748
00:31:05,949 --> 00:31:07,867
And gave the best blowjob
in recorded history.
749
00:31:07,951 --> 00:31:09,452
I feel like every
blowjob you get,
750
00:31:09,619 --> 00:31:11,120
you think is the best
in recorded history...
751
00:31:11,204 --> 00:31:12,997
Well, if you look at
the common variable
752
00:31:13,122 --> 00:31:15,002
across all encounters,
you'll find that it's me.
753
00:31:15,041 --> 00:31:18,294
So maybe I'm the best in recorded
history at receiving blowjobs.
754
00:31:18,378 --> 00:31:19,587
Barn.
Barn.
755
00:31:19,671 --> 00:31:21,214
Think about that.
Don't want to.
756
00:31:21,297 --> 00:31:24,551
Cheers to me getting awesome
blowjobs and just being good at it.
757
00:31:24,634 --> 00:31:25,760
You're such an idiot.
Oh!
758
00:31:25,843 --> 00:31:26,886
Oh.
759
00:31:52,495 --> 00:31:53,871
(BOTH PANTING)
760
00:32:03,881 --> 00:32:07,093
So? Jason, where
is this going?
761
00:32:08,177 --> 00:32:09,262
(QUIETLY) Fuck.
762
00:32:09,345 --> 00:32:10,555
Um...
763
00:32:11,431 --> 00:32:15,351
Look, I think
you're an amazing girl.
764
00:32:16,603 --> 00:32:19,480
And if I was in
a different place, maybe,
765
00:32:19,564 --> 00:32:21,065
but, I mean,
you know that I'm not
766
00:32:21,190 --> 00:32:22,734
really looking for
anything serious.
767
00:32:22,817 --> 00:32:26,070
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. As soon as this
stops being fun for one of us.
768
00:32:36,289 --> 00:32:37,850
Hey, J-Go! How'd it
go with that hooker?
769
00:32:37,874 --> 00:32:39,000
Oh!
770
00:32:40,043 --> 00:32:41,461
Did you just call me a hooker?
771
00:32:41,544 --> 00:32:43,296
No, I meant
the other... Um...
772
00:32:44,553 --> 00:32:46,233
Yeah. I just said
the wrong thing just now.
773
00:32:46,257 --> 00:32:47,508
You think?
774
00:32:47,634 --> 00:32:49,344
Yes.
775
00:32:50,386 --> 00:32:51,971
Hey, Mikey?
(CLEARS THROAT)
776
00:32:54,932 --> 00:32:55,933
Mikey?
Mmm?
777
00:32:56,017 --> 00:32:57,935
Can you shut the door?
Oh, shit.
778
00:33:02,398 --> 00:33:04,317
Okay. I'd like to
apologize.
779
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:05,401
Don't worry about it.
780
00:33:05,568 --> 00:33:06,611
Caffeine?
781
00:33:07,278 --> 00:33:09,280
No, thanks. I gotta run.
782
00:33:09,364 --> 00:33:11,908
But at least he offers.
783
00:33:11,991 --> 00:33:12,992
I offer.
784
00:33:13,076 --> 00:33:14,077
You've never offered.
785
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:15,995
For the record. I'm
sorry for anything I said.
786
00:33:16,079 --> 00:33:18,498
Am saying. And might
say in the future.
787
00:33:18,581 --> 00:33:20,750
An apology. So sweet.
788
00:33:20,833 --> 00:33:22,835
I like him better than you.
For the record.
789
00:33:22,919 --> 00:33:24,921
For the record,
he is better than me.
790
00:33:25,004 --> 00:33:26,339
Ha!
This is true.
791
00:33:26,422 --> 00:33:27,632
Bye.
792
00:33:30,635 --> 00:33:32,178
So you went outwith...
Ellie.
793
00:33:32,261 --> 00:33:33,262
Then you came home
and had sex with...
794
00:33:33,429 --> 00:33:34,472
Alana.
795
00:33:34,555 --> 00:33:35,723
Jesus!
796
00:33:35,807 --> 00:33:37,558
I did that for you.
You did it for me?
797
00:33:37,684 --> 00:33:39,352
Yeah. You had sex with a
beautiful woman for me?
798
00:33:39,435 --> 00:33:40,436
Yeah. For you.
799
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:41,771
Thank you. Thank you.
800
00:33:41,854 --> 00:33:44,273
If I need anything else, I'll
be sure to let you know.
801
00:33:44,357 --> 00:33:45,650
I'm just building
my roster, man.
802
00:33:45,733 --> 00:33:47,151
Roster?
Yeah, my roster.
803
00:33:47,235 --> 00:33:48,235
Ellie's on the way in.
804
00:33:48,277 --> 00:33:49,612
Alana just gave me
the "so."
805
00:33:49,696 --> 00:33:50,822
The "so"?
806
00:33:50,905 --> 00:33:51,905
Yeah, the "so."
807
00:33:51,948 --> 00:33:55,076
When it comes to girls, nothing
good ever follows the word "so."
808
00:33:55,159 --> 00:33:56,911
"So," where is this going?
809
00:33:56,994 --> 00:33:58,496
"So," what're we doing?
810
00:33:58,579 --> 00:33:59,706
And you just got the "so"?
811
00:33:59,789 --> 00:34:01,249
Yeah, I just got the "so."
812
00:34:01,332 --> 00:34:02,709
So that's when you get out.
813
00:34:02,792 --> 00:34:03,793
Always?
814
00:34:03,918 --> 00:34:04,961
Always.
815
00:34:13,428 --> 00:34:15,096
You're a fucking idiot.
816
00:34:18,891 --> 00:34:21,060
JASON: So Chelsea worked
her magic again?
817
00:34:21,144 --> 00:34:23,104
Yeah, yeah. In a sense, yeah.
Really?
818
00:34:23,187 --> 00:34:24,939
So, is she, like, hot.
She smart, cool?
819
00:34:25,022 --> 00:34:26,649
Oh, yeah. Yeah,
all of the above.
820
00:34:26,733 --> 00:34:27,900
Wow, really?
821
00:34:27,984 --> 00:34:29,277
Yeah. I'm not
gonna date her.
822
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:31,237
She's not datable if that's
what you're getting at, okay?
823
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,030
So let's just calm down.
824
00:34:33,330 --> 00:34:35,050
What about you? Did you
see what's-her-name?
825
00:34:35,074 --> 00:34:36,117
Ellie?
Oh, yeah.
826
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:38,001
Yeah. We, like, went to the park.
We hung out.
827
00:34:38,077 --> 00:34:39,245
Went to the park, hung out?
828
00:34:39,328 --> 00:34:41,247
You liked this girl when you
thought she was a hooker.
829
00:34:41,330 --> 00:34:42,331
(LAUGHS)
830
00:34:42,415 --> 00:34:43,916
Are you falling in love?
No, man.
831
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,085
I think you are. I can
hear it in your voice.
832
00:34:46,169 --> 00:34:47,754
I had sex with Alana.
833
00:34:47,837 --> 00:34:49,338
You had sex with both of them?
No.
834
00:34:49,422 --> 00:34:50,882
You fucking double gophered?
835
00:34:50,965 --> 00:34:52,300
I didn't.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
836
00:34:52,383 --> 00:34:54,260
You double gophered?
I love that.
837
00:34:54,343 --> 00:34:55,762
You had sex with both of them.
That's awesome.
838
00:34:55,845 --> 00:34:58,181
No, I didn't. Ellie went home.
Alana came over.
839
00:34:58,264 --> 00:34:59,424
That's what I love about you.
840
00:34:59,474 --> 00:35:00,674
Like, you never push too hard.
841
00:35:00,683 --> 00:35:02,059
You always have a backup.
Yeah.
842
00:35:02,143 --> 00:35:04,187
You're like Judge Reinhold
in Beverly Hills Cop.
843
00:35:04,270 --> 00:35:05,396
I'm not getting
in a relationship.
844
00:35:05,521 --> 00:35:06,842
Except you're an asshole.
(LAUGHS)
845
00:35:10,443 --> 00:35:12,278
(PHONE RINGING)
846
00:35:15,114 --> 00:35:16,657
Hello. This is Ellie.
847
00:35:16,741 --> 00:35:17,825
JASON: Hey.
848
00:35:17,909 --> 00:35:19,160
It's Jason.
849
00:35:19,243 --> 00:35:20,995
All right, we're going
on a date tomorrow.
850
00:35:21,078 --> 00:35:23,539
Gramercy Park.
Dress nicely.
851
00:35:23,623 --> 00:35:24,832
No questions.
852
00:35:25,249 --> 00:35:26,542
You in?
853
00:35:30,671 --> 00:35:31,672
Yeah.
854
00:35:31,756 --> 00:35:33,090
Vera, we have to talk.
855
00:35:33,174 --> 00:35:34,884
JASON: Mikey, did you call
the glasses girl, yet?
856
00:35:34,967 --> 00:35:37,303
Can you come see me
tonight? It's important.
857
00:35:37,386 --> 00:35:38,930
Dude. Tell us
how the call went.
858
00:35:39,013 --> 00:35:40,723
Nope. I'm not pissing.
Okay.
859
00:35:40,807 --> 00:35:42,099
Come on in.
First of all,
860
00:35:42,183 --> 00:35:43,434
your dick looks like it found Nemo.
Stop.
861
00:35:43,518 --> 00:35:45,319
Second of all, are you
gonna see glasses girl?
862
00:35:45,353 --> 00:35:46,354
She gonna come see me tonight.
863
00:35:46,437 --> 00:35:50,107
First of all, I think your click
looks like a snowman's nose.
864
00:35:50,191 --> 00:35:51,734
Can you stop?
Second of all,
865
00:35:51,776 --> 00:35:52,944
Mmm-hmm. l thought you
worked tonight?
866
00:35:53,027 --> 00:35:54,388
She might come by the hospital.
No.
867
00:35:54,445 --> 00:35:56,322
Mikey, I love your
thinking on this, man.
868
00:35:56,405 --> 00:35:57,824
The work-date combination.
869
00:35:57,907 --> 00:35:58,991
It's very impressive.
Yeah.
870
00:35:59,075 --> 00:36:00,076
I'm just thinking on my toes.
871
00:36:00,159 --> 00:36:01,199
JASON: He knows shit, man.
872
00:36:01,244 --> 00:36:03,079
It's casual.
Lt's innovative.
873
00:36:03,162 --> 00:36:04,789
Mmm.
I love your work, man.
874
00:36:04,872 --> 00:36:07,625
I love that jacket.
Where are you going tonight?
875
00:36:07,708 --> 00:36:08,793
I have a pretty big
night ahead of me.
876
00:36:08,876 --> 00:36:12,004
I'm playing the incredibly
wealthy Mr. Von Ferrington.
877
00:36:12,088 --> 00:36:13,548
That's so awesome!
878
00:36:13,631 --> 00:36:14,966
You're role playing.
You're committing.
879
00:36:15,049 --> 00:36:16,130
Exactly. What
are you doing?
880
00:36:16,133 --> 00:36:17,134
I'm going to
meet up with Chelsea
881
00:36:17,218 --> 00:36:18,177
and see what we can make happen.
882
00:36:18,261 --> 00:36:19,262
Again?
883
00:36:19,345 --> 00:36:20,429
Why is she always hooking
you up with girls?
884
00:36:20,513 --> 00:36:21,889
Have you looked in the mirror?
Have you looked at me?
885
00:36:21,973 --> 00:36:23,599
I'm the most attractive.
So it's the easiest.
886
00:36:23,724 --> 00:36:25,142
Come on.
Yeah! That's why.
887
00:36:25,351 --> 00:36:27,603
Guys, in high school, I was voted
most likely to have the best eyes.
888
00:36:27,687 --> 00:36:29,313
MIKEY: That's just not true.
So...
889
00:36:29,397 --> 00:36:30,398
Yeah, right.
890
00:36:31,107 --> 00:36:32,400
You idiot.
891
00:36:39,031 --> 00:36:41,492
MRS. ROSE: Do you know that
James Harper lived here?
892
00:36:41,576 --> 00:36:43,576
JASON: Really? He used to
be the mayor of New York.
893
00:36:44,495 --> 00:36:47,540
You've really chosen a wonderful
property to look at Mr. Von...
894
00:36:47,623 --> 00:36:48,666
Ferrington.
Ferrington.
895
00:36:48,749 --> 00:36:50,376
Von Ferrington.
Von Ferrington.
896
00:36:50,459 --> 00:36:53,796
I mean, this is one of the
finest properties in the city.
897
00:36:53,921 --> 00:36:55,882
Thank you.
You're welcome.
898
00:36:58,759 --> 00:37:01,304
Look at the parquet floors that
are all inlaid and original.
899
00:37:01,387 --> 00:37:02,847
And this.
900
00:37:02,930 --> 00:37:04,974
Let me show you this.
901
00:37:07,184 --> 00:37:10,396
Unfettered access
to the private park
902
00:37:10,479 --> 00:37:13,566
is, of course, one of the finest
things about living on Gramercy.
903
00:37:13,649 --> 00:37:14,817
Unfettered?
904
00:37:14,984 --> 00:37:16,110
Unfettered.
905
00:37:17,653 --> 00:37:21,741
And now further, I'd like you to
take a look at this wrought iron.
906
00:37:21,824 --> 00:37:23,159
Lattice wrought iron
which is the original.
907
00:37:23,326 --> 00:37:24,702
Original?
908
00:37:24,785 --> 00:37:26,454
And we have in here a beautiful,
909
00:37:26,579 --> 00:37:28,205
beautiful, beautiful chandelier,
910
00:37:28,289 --> 00:37:29,749
which is cut crystal.
911
00:37:29,832 --> 00:37:32,752
You'll notice all of the
detail on the ceiling.
912
00:37:32,835 --> 00:37:36,589
Now the Obasan rug is
original of the period.
913
00:37:36,672 --> 00:37:39,467
And we have over there
a stained glass window.
914
00:37:40,384 --> 00:37:42,345
Let's go.
Why?
915
00:37:42,887 --> 00:37:44,931
Look at the detail
on this poster here.
916
00:37:45,014 --> 00:37:47,892
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
I'll explain later.
917
00:37:47,975 --> 00:37:50,061
Oh, here, the kitchen.
918
00:37:50,144 --> 00:37:51,687
Quick! The old
woman's coming!
919
00:37:52,772 --> 00:37:54,023
Hello?
920
00:37:54,857 --> 00:37:55,900
Won't we get caught?
921
00:37:55,983 --> 00:37:57,485
I don't think so.
Let's go.
922
00:37:57,568 --> 00:37:58,903
Hello?
923
00:37:58,986 --> 00:38:00,905
Mr. Ferrington?
924
00:38:00,988 --> 00:38:01,989
Hello?
925
00:38:03,407 --> 00:38:05,407
Whoa, whoa. Slow down. Slow down.
Just walk normal.
926
00:38:05,451 --> 00:38:06,535
What do you mean walk...
927
00:38:06,577 --> 00:38:08,496
You're walking like a criminal.
What? This is how I walk.
928
00:38:08,579 --> 00:38:09,622
I'm not a criminal.
929
00:38:09,705 --> 00:38:11,248
But I am.
930
00:38:12,750 --> 00:38:14,460
We have to go. Let's go!
931
00:38:14,543 --> 00:38:15,920
Hello?
932
00:38:16,712 --> 00:38:17,713
Hello?
933
00:38:20,132 --> 00:38:22,635
Okay. You said
we need to talk.
934
00:38:22,718 --> 00:38:23,719
Nobody says, "We need to talk,"
935
00:38:23,886 --> 00:38:24,887
unless it's
really bad news, right?
936
00:38:24,971 --> 00:38:25,972
No, no, no.
937
00:38:26,097 --> 00:38:27,098
And my grandmother
had ovarian cancer.
938
00:38:27,181 --> 00:38:29,141
No, no, no. You're fine,
you're fine, you're fine!
939
00:38:29,225 --> 00:38:31,310
The tests they ran indicated
nothing out of the ordinary.
940
00:38:31,394 --> 00:38:32,520
I have all the symptoms.
Baby, you're fine.
941
00:38:32,603 --> 00:38:33,646
You're fine. You're okay.
942
00:38:33,729 --> 00:38:34,689
Come here.
What was that message then?
943
00:38:34,772 --> 00:38:36,399
Come here. No, no.
Come here.
944
00:38:36,524 --> 00:38:39,068
Okay. I am sorry.
I just wanted to talk.
945
00:38:39,527 --> 00:38:41,529
Oh, my God.
You are such an idiot.
946
00:38:41,988 --> 00:38:43,114
You are such an idiot.
947
00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:44,365
Yes.
948
00:38:44,448 --> 00:38:46,617
Just... Just...
Just come sit down. Okay?
949
00:38:46,701 --> 00:38:47,827
(SIGHS)
950
00:38:48,703 --> 00:38:50,079
Oh, God.
951
00:38:51,497 --> 00:38:53,290
Breathe. Breathe.
952
00:38:53,374 --> 00:38:55,418
Oh, God, I thought I was dying.
953
00:38:56,836 --> 00:38:58,087
(LAUGHS)
954
00:39:01,007 --> 00:39:03,342
Yeah. You thought
you were dying.
955
00:39:03,426 --> 00:39:04,760
That was me.
956
00:39:08,848 --> 00:39:10,099
(EXHALES)
957
00:39:12,893 --> 00:39:14,353
Where did we go wrong?
958
00:39:15,354 --> 00:39:19,066
Like, what happened?
959
00:39:19,191 --> 00:39:20,192
What happened to us?
960
00:39:22,403 --> 00:39:23,821
What happened? I...
961
00:39:25,531 --> 00:39:27,241
I mean, we got
married at 23 years old,
962
00:39:27,324 --> 00:39:30,327
I just don't think at that
point you are ready for a life
963
00:39:30,411 --> 00:39:32,788
without excitement
or spontaneity.
964
00:39:33,205 --> 00:39:34,540
Spontaneity?
965
00:39:34,915 --> 00:39:36,000
I mean, I'm spontaneous.
966
00:39:38,794 --> 00:39:41,047
We didn't have sex
for almost six months.
967
00:39:41,714 --> 00:39:43,257
You want spontaneous?
968
00:39:52,433 --> 00:39:53,433
Hey.
Hi.
969
00:39:53,476 --> 00:39:55,061
Are you sick or something?
No.
970
00:39:55,144 --> 00:39:56,562
Those aren't going out clothes.
971
00:39:56,645 --> 00:39:58,022
Well, who's going out?
972
00:39:58,105 --> 00:39:59,899
I thought we were going out.
973
00:40:01,650 --> 00:40:02,902
BOTH: Oh!
974
00:40:03,986 --> 00:40:05,988
That was pretty badass.
Mmm-hmm.
975
00:40:06,072 --> 00:40:07,656
I can get fired for that shit.
976
00:40:36,268 --> 00:40:40,106
You know, when I was a kid, I
used to love going to parks.
977
00:40:40,189 --> 00:40:45,152
And my grandfather
used to take me every Sunday.
978
00:40:46,362 --> 00:40:48,197
But my ex hated parks.
979
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:51,909
He thought they were
like too public or something.
980
00:40:51,992 --> 00:40:53,869
He sounds like a real dick.
981
00:40:53,953 --> 00:40:55,121
What? My ex?
982
00:40:55,204 --> 00:40:56,413
Your grandfather.
983
00:40:56,497 --> 00:40:57,706
(LAUGHING)
984
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,459
So what happened
between the two of you?
985
00:41:02,253 --> 00:41:04,630
Well, I graduated from school
and I moved to New York.
986
00:41:04,713 --> 00:41:07,133
And he took a job in Chicago.
987
00:41:07,216 --> 00:41:12,805
And it was sort of like a
focus-on-your-work-life-first sort of thing.
988
00:41:13,472 --> 00:41:15,474
They call us
the selfish generation.
989
00:41:18,352 --> 00:41:19,812
What about you?
990
00:41:22,523 --> 00:41:25,860
Who's the one that got you?
991
00:41:27,736 --> 00:41:29,655
How dare you assume that I have
992
00:41:29,780 --> 00:41:31,657
any emotional
capacity whatsoever?
993
00:41:31,740 --> 00:41:33,242
Get out of my park.
No.
994
00:41:33,325 --> 00:41:34,869
Get out.
No.
995
00:41:35,744 --> 00:41:37,872
It's okay.
You can come back.
996
00:41:49,925 --> 00:41:51,385
Damn it!
997
00:41:51,844 --> 00:41:53,179
I was so not gonna do that.
998
00:41:53,262 --> 00:41:54,430
I was gonna hold out.
999
00:41:54,513 --> 00:41:56,849
I was gonna make you wait,
like, 40 days or something.
1000
00:41:56,932 --> 00:41:59,185
I was gonna make you wait, too,
1001
00:41:59,310 --> 00:42:01,604
but then I realized,
"I'm a dude."
1002
00:42:02,646 --> 00:42:03,898
(LAUGHING)
1003
00:42:17,578 --> 00:42:19,747
Hey, guys. It's Fred.
1004
00:42:20,873 --> 00:42:23,876
Jesus! Fred, you're like
Reverse Elvis, you know.
1005
00:42:23,959 --> 00:42:25,377
Fred, you entered the building.
1006
00:42:26,629 --> 00:42:28,130
I love Elvis.
1007
00:42:32,134 --> 00:42:33,802
"Thank you, very much."
1008
00:42:36,805 --> 00:42:37,890
What's up, Fred?
1009
00:42:37,973 --> 00:42:42,061
Well, Ellie from Simon just sent
over the Matterhorn book cover.
1010
00:42:43,187 --> 00:42:44,230
And she wants us to do it?
1011
00:42:44,313 --> 00:42:45,522
Specifically.
1012
00:42:45,606 --> 00:42:46,649
Specifically?
1013
00:42:46,815 --> 00:42:47,858
Specifically.
DANIEL: Whoo!
1014
00:42:50,402 --> 00:42:52,112
I'll get in on that.
1015
00:42:53,948 --> 00:42:55,199
Right.
1016
00:42:59,787 --> 00:43:00,996
Come on.
1017
00:43:02,414 --> 00:43:03,582
Thanks, Fred.
Yeah.
1018
00:43:03,666 --> 00:43:04,667
All right.
1019
00:43:04,750 --> 00:43:05,876
Gonna do it!
1020
00:43:08,337 --> 00:43:10,714
Wait, okay, so let me
get this straight.
1021
00:43:10,798 --> 00:43:13,092
You have sex with this girl.
We get a job out of it?
1022
00:43:13,175 --> 00:43:14,260
Certainly seems that way.
1023
00:43:14,343 --> 00:43:17,680
And to think this whole time, we
thought that poor girl was a hooker.
1024
00:43:17,930 --> 00:43:19,431
Well, yeah.
1025
00:43:19,515 --> 00:43:23,560
But in reality, the only
prostitute here is you.
1026
00:43:23,727 --> 00:43:24,937
(CHUCKLES)
1027
00:43:26,897 --> 00:43:28,565
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
1028
00:43:32,987 --> 00:43:34,196
(SIGHS)
1029
00:43:36,115 --> 00:43:37,783
ELLIE: No one came again.
1030
00:43:37,866 --> 00:43:40,369
Again? Why don't you
get better authors?
1031
00:43:40,869 --> 00:43:43,205
Oh, you know, I never even thought of that.
(JASON LAUGHS)
1032
00:43:43,289 --> 00:43:45,708
Yes, I've tried that.
I've been trying.
1033
00:43:45,791 --> 00:43:47,584
Well, come by my place
after for a drink.
1034
00:43:47,668 --> 00:43:49,003
I'll come by after.
1035
00:43:49,684 --> 00:43:52,524
I don't understand why you won't tell me.
Just tell me where you did it.
1036
00:43:52,548 --> 00:43:53,966
I'm not telling you,
so stop asking.
1037
00:43:54,049 --> 00:43:55,801
Why? You know you're gonna tell me.
You tell me everything.
1038
00:43:55,884 --> 00:43:57,261
I do. But I'm not
telling you this right now.
1039
00:43:57,344 --> 00:43:58,679
Why?
'Cause I'm whupping your ass.
1040
00:43:58,762 --> 00:44:00,306
You get all precious with this
stuff and you throw down,
1041
00:44:00,389 --> 00:44:01,515
and slap me in the mouth.
1042
00:44:01,598 --> 00:44:02,850
Whenever you start losing,
you just get upset.
1043
00:44:02,933 --> 00:44:04,643
Dude, did you just take
another shit in there?
1044
00:44:04,727 --> 00:44:06,145
No, I'm not.
Every time.
1045
00:44:06,228 --> 00:44:07,688
Why do you care so much about
what I'm doing in there?
1046
00:44:07,771 --> 00:44:08,772
I wasn't taking a shit.
1047
00:44:08,856 --> 00:44:10,274
You're
so disgusting. Dude.
1048
00:44:10,357 --> 00:44:12,776
Why do you guys care so much
what I do in the bathroom?
1049
00:44:12,819 --> 00:44:13,900
And I wasn't taking a shit.
1050
00:44:13,902 --> 00:44:14,903
MIKEY: Every time.
Yes, you...
1051
00:44:14,987 --> 00:44:16,405
Have a little faith. What
are you guys talking about?
1052
00:44:16,488 --> 00:44:17,614
Mikey won't tell me where
he had sex last night.
1053
00:44:17,698 --> 00:44:18,699
Oh, Mikey, where did you
have sex last night?
1054
00:44:18,782 --> 00:44:20,075
Why do you care so much
about where I had sex?
1055
00:44:20,159 --> 00:44:21,160
'Cause we're your friends.
We wanna know.
1056
00:44:21,243 --> 00:44:22,411
Where'd you have sex, Mikey?
1057
00:44:22,995 --> 00:44:23,996
The hospital.
1058
00:44:24,079 --> 00:44:25,414
JASON: (GASPS) With the glasses girl?
Are you serious?
1059
00:44:25,497 --> 00:44:28,167
Oh, my God! You Grey's
Anatomy motherfucker!
1060
00:44:28,250 --> 00:44:29,752
Mikey, that is awesome.
1061
00:44:29,877 --> 00:44:31,337
Dude, your wife never would've
had sex in the hospital.
1062
00:44:31,420 --> 00:44:33,339
She's too uptight.
Not in a million years.
1063
00:44:33,422 --> 00:44:35,758
I'm fucking proud of you.
Really am proud of you.
1064
00:44:35,841 --> 00:44:37,509
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
Whoa! What is that?
1065
00:44:38,010 --> 00:44:39,261
I don't know.
1066
00:44:39,345 --> 00:44:40,429
MIKEY: You order food?
1067
00:44:40,554 --> 00:44:41,597
I mean, we're all here.
1068
00:44:41,722 --> 00:44:43,557
I didn't order food. Did
you order food? No.
1069
00:44:43,682 --> 00:44:44,850
ELLIE ON INTERCOM: Hey.
1070
00:44:45,392 --> 00:44:46,602
So. It's Ellie.
1071
00:44:47,728 --> 00:44:50,189
What the fuck?
Are you serious, dude?
1072
00:44:50,272 --> 00:44:52,399
Jason, this is a den
of testosterone, man.
1073
00:44:52,483 --> 00:44:53,859
This is a pre-game.
This is my apartment.
1074
00:44:53,942 --> 00:44:55,027
That's a good point.
1075
00:44:55,110 --> 00:44:57,738
It's not a good point. First of all,
guys, I just took a shit in there.
1076
00:44:57,821 --> 00:44:59,031
I knew it.
It's every time.
1077
00:44:59,114 --> 00:45:00,240
Why don't you take a shit
at your own apartment?
1078
00:45:00,324 --> 00:45:02,701
You can't invite a girl
to a place like this.
1079
00:45:02,785 --> 00:45:04,453
I didn't invite her.
DANIEL: You didn't invite her?
1080
00:45:04,536 --> 00:45:05,788
No.
That's worse.
1081
00:45:05,871 --> 00:45:07,539
That's some girlfriend shit.
1082
00:45:07,623 --> 00:45:09,124
Some I-have-a-girlfriend
shit.
1083
00:45:09,875 --> 00:45:11,377
Okay, well, I'm gonna
buzz her in.
1084
00:45:11,460 --> 00:45:12,795
Don't buzz her.
Don't buzz her in.
1085
00:45:12,878 --> 00:45:14,797
I'm gonna buzz her in.
Jason, don't buzz her in.
1086
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:15,881
Don't buzz...
Don't buzz her in, man.
1087
00:45:15,964 --> 00:45:16,965
We're having such
good guy time right now.
1088
00:45:17,049 --> 00:45:18,050
Oh, shit.
1089
00:45:18,133 --> 00:45:19,134
I just buzzed her in.
1090
00:45:19,218 --> 00:45:20,219
He fucking buzzed her in.
Okay.
1091
00:45:20,302 --> 00:45:21,303
He buzzed her in.
1092
00:45:21,387 --> 00:45:22,388
Really?
JASON: Okay.
1093
00:45:22,471 --> 00:45:23,931
Both you guys need to calm down.
1094
00:45:24,014 --> 00:45:26,308
We're not supposed to see them more
than twice in one week, all right?
1095
00:45:26,392 --> 00:45:28,193
And you're seeing this chick
twice in one day.
1096
00:45:28,268 --> 00:45:29,645
Dude. Relax.
1097
00:45:29,728 --> 00:45:30,813
DANIEL: Invite her
up then, man!
1098
00:45:30,896 --> 00:45:32,231
She's not gonna
wanna talk about Xbox.
1099
00:45:32,314 --> 00:45:33,941
So, I'm gonna be
sitting here being like,
1100
00:45:34,066 --> 00:45:35,692
"I have to fart but
maybe I can't right now."
1101
00:45:35,776 --> 00:45:38,028
She better have some hot friends.
Dude, you're pissing me off.
1102
00:45:38,112 --> 00:45:40,989
Open the door. I don't care.
I'm getting wasted.
1103
00:45:41,073 --> 00:45:42,157
Hey.l hope
I'm not interrupting.
1104
00:45:42,282 --> 00:45:43,283
Hi.
1105
00:45:43,367 --> 00:45:45,953
No. You're not interrupting.
You're not interrupting anything.
1106
00:45:46,036 --> 00:45:49,540
So this is this is Daniel. This is Mikey.
We went to college together.
1107
00:45:49,623 --> 00:45:50,916
Guys, Ellie.
1108
00:45:50,999 --> 00:45:52,835
Daniel is a manipulative idiot.
1109
00:45:52,879 --> 00:45:54,039
And Mikey has an orange dick.
1110
00:45:54,044 --> 00:45:55,045
Hi.
1111
00:45:55,129 --> 00:45:56,255
Really, dude?
1112
00:45:56,338 --> 00:45:57,756
That's really good to know.
1113
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:00,509
I brought scotch. I don't know
if you guys drink scotch.
1114
00:46:00,884 --> 00:46:02,094
She brought scotch?
1115
00:46:02,177 --> 00:46:03,178
You should try it.
Hmm!
1116
00:46:04,012 --> 00:46:05,013
Let's try it.
1117
00:46:05,097 --> 00:46:06,640
What are you guys playing?
1118
00:46:06,723 --> 00:46:07,724
A little XboX.
1119
00:46:07,808 --> 00:46:08,809
Can I play?
1120
00:46:12,020 --> 00:46:13,188
(SIGHS)
1121
00:46:15,107 --> 00:46:16,191
Yeah.
1122
00:46:17,151 --> 00:46:18,360
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1123
00:46:20,737 --> 00:46:21,989
(ALL CHEERING)
1124
00:46:40,048 --> 00:46:41,383
(INAUDIBLE)
1125
00:46:44,761 --> 00:46:46,722
Apparently, her ex-boyfriend
played a lot of Halo.
1126
00:46:48,223 --> 00:46:51,059
You know what? It's late. I gotta go.
I gotta go to West Side.
1127
00:46:51,143 --> 00:46:53,645
No, you're not. We're not letting you.
No. We're not letting you go.
1128
00:46:53,729 --> 00:46:55,314
I promise you we get funnier.
1129
00:46:55,397 --> 00:46:58,525
But tonight is Mikey's night.
You know, I can feel it.
1130
00:46:58,609 --> 00:46:59,690
MIKEY: I pray to God it is.
1131
00:46:59,693 --> 00:47:00,736
That's what I was
telling you, too, baby.
1132
00:47:01,278 --> 00:47:03,989
I forgot to tell you, it's
my birthday coming up soon.
1133
00:47:04,072 --> 00:47:05,115
(GASPS) Really?
Mmm-hmm.
1134
00:47:05,199 --> 00:47:07,493
Usually people are
more subtle about this.
1135
00:47:07,576 --> 00:47:08,827
(LAUGHS)
1136
00:47:08,911 --> 00:47:10,204
No, not like that.
1137
00:47:10,287 --> 00:47:13,332
I'm going to throw myself
a surprise birthday party.
1138
00:47:13,415 --> 00:47:15,295
You're throwing yourself
a surprise party? Yeah.
1139
00:47:15,375 --> 00:47:16,418
Well, I'm surprised.
Yeah,
1140
00:47:16,502 --> 00:47:18,837
everybody's gonna get
dressed up and decked out.
1141
00:47:19,004 --> 00:47:20,085
And you should do the same.
1142
00:47:20,088 --> 00:47:21,798
It's a dress-up party?
Absolutely, yeah.
1143
00:47:21,924 --> 00:47:22,883
I'm so in. I love
getting dressed up.
1144
00:47:22,966 --> 00:47:24,009
Sweet.
1145
00:47:24,092 --> 00:47:25,344
He's actually
giving her eye contact?
1146
00:47:25,427 --> 00:47:26,512
He's engaged.
1147
00:47:26,595 --> 00:47:27,804
Bye.
Bye.
1148
00:47:27,930 --> 00:47:29,765
That's a great painting,
by the way.
1149
00:47:29,848 --> 00:47:30,933
Thank you.
1150
00:47:40,669 --> 00:47:42,629
MIKEY: (SIGHS) That's nice.
It was beautiful, man.
1151
00:47:42,653 --> 00:47:44,446
That was really nice.
That was quite nice.
1152
00:47:44,863 --> 00:47:46,323
And I do love her.
I do.
1153
00:47:46,448 --> 00:47:47,741
I really like her.
1154
00:47:47,824 --> 00:47:50,536
I really liked it when she came
by without telling anybody.
1155
00:47:50,619 --> 00:47:52,955
I really liked it when she
kissed you on the cheek.
1156
00:47:53,038 --> 00:47:56,583
And I really like that you're
about to lose this bet.
1157
00:47:56,667 --> 00:47:57,707
Yep.
Jason, do you remember
1158
00:47:57,751 --> 00:47:59,378
when we said we're
all gonna stay single?
1159
00:47:59,461 --> 00:48:01,022
Yeah, well, it looks
like you're fucked.
1160
00:48:01,046 --> 00:48:02,047
I'm not fucked.
1161
00:48:02,130 --> 00:48:03,131
You are so fucked!
1162
00:48:03,215 --> 00:48:04,716
I'm not fucked.
Let's go out.
1163
00:48:05,259 --> 00:48:06,426
(LAUGHING)
1164
00:48:07,386 --> 00:48:08,887
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
1165
00:48:10,806 --> 00:48:12,641
Hey, Chels!
Hey. Sorry, guys.
1166
00:48:12,724 --> 00:48:14,004
Can we get
tequila shots, please?
1167
00:48:14,059 --> 00:48:15,102
Sotheby's kept me late.
1168
00:48:15,185 --> 00:48:16,436
MIKEY: Then they can take
care of these drinks.
1169
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:17,729
Oh, they will?
Hey.
1170
00:48:17,813 --> 00:48:19,731
It's good to see you.
You, too.
1171
00:48:20,399 --> 00:48:22,359
DANIEL: I'm still going.
JASON: That's not cool.
1172
00:48:22,484 --> 00:48:24,194
All right cheers!
Cheers!
1173
00:48:28,865 --> 00:48:30,325
Oh, Chels, you're up.
1174
00:48:31,034 --> 00:48:32,327
Get it.
1175
00:48:35,581 --> 00:48:37,249
Oh, my God, I love your shoes.
1176
00:48:37,332 --> 00:48:39,793
Oh, thank you.
That's so sweet.
1177
00:48:40,377 --> 00:48:41,587
That should've been me.
1178
00:48:41,712 --> 00:48:42,921
This is my friend, Daniel.
1179
00:48:43,005 --> 00:48:44,423
Hi.
1180
00:48:44,506 --> 00:48:45,841
Hi.
1181
00:48:50,679 --> 00:48:51,930
Nice to meet you.
1182
00:48:52,014 --> 00:48:53,515
Nice to meet you.
1183
00:48:58,937 --> 00:49:00,063
Okay.
1184
00:49:00,522 --> 00:49:01,857
Okay. (LAUGHS)
1185
00:49:03,358 --> 00:49:04,484
What...
1186
00:49:04,610 --> 00:49:05,694
The fuck was that?
1187
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:07,779
Seriously.
That was god-awful.
1188
00:49:07,863 --> 00:49:08,947
That was horrendous.
1189
00:49:09,031 --> 00:49:10,073
I got nothing...
I don't know.
1190
00:49:10,157 --> 00:49:12,367
Are you serious right now? You
just dropped the ball. Seriously.
1191
00:49:12,451 --> 00:49:14,161
You just dropped
the ball big time.
1192
00:49:14,244 --> 00:49:15,537
I'm having an off night.
I don't know.
1193
00:49:15,621 --> 00:49:16,702
JASON: Having an off night?
1194
00:49:16,747 --> 00:49:18,248
Even Jordan has off nights.
1195
00:49:18,332 --> 00:49:19,458
Whoa!
1196
00:49:19,541 --> 00:49:21,043
Very ambitious.
1197
00:49:49,404 --> 00:49:50,864
What? What's wrong?
1198
00:49:50,947 --> 00:49:52,491
That teddy bear.
1199
00:49:52,574 --> 00:49:53,659
Mr. Wiggles?
1200
00:49:53,742 --> 00:49:55,535
Fuck, Mr. Wiggles.
Yeah, Mr. Wiggles.
1201
00:49:55,619 --> 00:49:56,870
Because, I know,
1202
00:49:57,829 --> 00:49:59,509
your ex-boyfriend
gave you that teddy bear.
1203
00:49:59,581 --> 00:50:01,708
And I said he was a pussy,
which he was.
1204
00:50:01,792 --> 00:50:03,032
And then you broke up with him.
1205
00:50:03,085 --> 00:50:05,170
But I was thinking
about you guys together.
1206
00:50:05,253 --> 00:50:07,172
And him having sex with you. And
then I thought about him naked.
1207
00:50:07,297 --> 00:50:09,297
And you know. And all that stuff.
Oh, really? Yeah.
1208
00:50:09,341 --> 00:50:12,427
And my boner just started
to wilt like warm lettuce.
1209
00:50:12,672 --> 00:50:14,072
I'm gonna get rid
of the teddy bear!
1210
00:50:14,096 --> 00:50:15,180
Thank you.
1211
00:50:18,141 --> 00:50:20,018
Creeped me out.
Yeah.
1212
00:50:20,227 --> 00:50:21,353
Um...
1213
00:50:21,436 --> 00:50:23,814
Chelsea, I just really
want you to know something.
1214
00:50:23,897 --> 00:50:25,357
And I wanted to be very clear.
1215
00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:28,527
You're not looking for
anything serious right now?
1216
00:50:30,028 --> 00:50:33,448
Look, Daniel, this thing
doesn't have to be a thing.
1217
00:50:34,282 --> 00:50:36,159
And if you want to go
back to being friends,
1218
00:50:36,284 --> 00:50:38,120
we can go back to being friends.
1219
00:50:38,203 --> 00:50:39,913
I don't want to go
back to anything.
1220
00:50:39,996 --> 00:50:41,832
That's what I was
going to tell you.
1221
00:50:43,250 --> 00:50:45,252
I really like being here.
1222
00:50:49,715 --> 00:50:51,633
That's what I was going to say.
1223
00:50:58,765 --> 00:51:00,308
You working this weekend?
Mmm-hmm.
1224
00:51:02,436 --> 00:51:04,146
You should come by the hospital.
1225
00:51:04,229 --> 00:51:05,230
Again.
1226
00:51:05,313 --> 00:51:06,314
Yeah. Again.
1227
00:51:06,398 --> 00:51:07,441
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
1228
00:51:07,524 --> 00:51:08,859
Yeah, I would.
1229
00:51:08,942 --> 00:51:11,987
Come by again and
again and again.
1230
00:51:15,907 --> 00:51:16,988
DANIEL: Check this one out.
1231
00:51:16,992 --> 00:51:18,493
That's impressive.
Very impressive.
1232
00:51:18,577 --> 00:51:19,828
STORE OWNER: Something
for the two of you?
1233
00:51:20,162 --> 00:51:21,413
What's up, man?
1234
00:51:21,496 --> 00:51:22,873
Something for the two of you?
1235
00:51:22,956 --> 00:51:26,752
Oh, no, no, no.
We're not gay, man.
1236
00:51:26,835 --> 00:51:28,628
And we're just... We just
need a giant strap-on dildo.
1237
00:51:28,712 --> 00:51:31,381
Which I know sounds a little gay.
But it's for a costume.
1238
00:51:32,174 --> 00:51:34,801
It's right here.
Right in front of you.
1239
00:51:35,343 --> 00:51:37,220
Wait. lhave a serious
question for you. Yeah.
1240
00:51:37,304 --> 00:51:38,597
Think.
1241
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:40,766
If you were gay,
would you date me?
1242
00:51:40,849 --> 00:51:42,100
Definitely not.
1243
00:51:42,184 --> 00:51:43,351
What?
What?
1244
00:51:43,435 --> 00:51:44,978
I would not date you, Jason.
1245
00:51:45,061 --> 00:51:45,729
Why?
1246
00:51:45,812 --> 00:51:47,147
Because you're not my type.
1247
00:51:47,939 --> 00:51:49,099
What the fuck does that mean?
1248
00:51:49,107 --> 00:51:50,192
Oh, what?
Are you offended?
1249
00:51:50,275 --> 00:51:51,526
I'm completely offended.
1250
00:51:51,610 --> 00:51:52,861
Deal with it.
1251
00:51:54,196 --> 00:51:56,323
You'd gay date me.
You know you would.
1252
00:51:56,406 --> 00:51:58,533
Honestly, if were to have
sex with you, Jason,
1253
00:51:58,617 --> 00:52:00,285
which apparently
you really want,
1254
00:52:00,368 --> 00:52:02,579
you would probably be like
top three hottest chicks
1255
00:52:02,662 --> 00:52:03,705
I've ever had sex with.
1256
00:52:03,789 --> 00:52:05,457
That's actually true.
Mmm-hmm.
1257
00:52:05,540 --> 00:52:06,833
Man, how much are these?
1258
00:52:06,917 --> 00:52:08,752
For you? $75.
1259
00:52:08,835 --> 00:52:11,254
For me? 'Cause
we're such good friends?
1260
00:52:12,339 --> 00:52:14,424
These are all dishwasher safe.
1261
00:52:14,519 --> 00:52:16,360
I don't think you should
go to this party, man.
1262
00:52:16,384 --> 00:52:18,261
Dude, I can go to the party.
It's gonna be fun.
1263
00:52:18,345 --> 00:52:19,346
$65.
1264
00:52:19,429 --> 00:52:21,932
Dude, who the fuck are you
negotiating with right now?
1265
00:52:23,225 --> 00:52:24,434
$60.
1266
00:52:25,977 --> 00:52:27,354
Okay. Look. I'm
telling you, man.
1267
00:52:27,479 --> 00:52:28,814
This party is a road
to a relationship.
1268
00:52:28,897 --> 00:52:32,150
And that road is paved with
responsibility and lack of selfishness.
1269
00:52:32,234 --> 00:52:34,402
And what the fuck am I holding right now?
What is this?
1270
00:52:34,486 --> 00:52:35,612
I have no idea.
1271
00:52:38,532 --> 00:52:39,533
Ah!
Clever.
1272
00:52:40,575 --> 00:52:42,244
It comes with an extra balloon.
1273
00:52:42,327 --> 00:52:43,662
Why would I need
an extra balloon?
1274
00:52:43,745 --> 00:52:45,455
In case it pops.
Why would it pop?
1275
00:52:46,498 --> 00:52:48,124
If you try too hard.
1276
00:52:50,252 --> 00:52:51,419
What?
1277
00:52:52,546 --> 00:52:54,673
(WALKING BACKWARDS PLAYING)
1278
00:53:06,309 --> 00:53:09,729
♪ I was tangled in all the wires
1279
00:53:10,313 --> 00:53:13,608
♪ Tied down, and I felt the fire
1280
00:53:14,109 --> 00:53:17,362
♪ There was nothing for me to do
1281
00:53:17,779 --> 00:53:19,197
Sick cock, bro.
1282
00:53:19,531 --> 00:53:20,657
Thanks.
1283
00:53:23,368 --> 00:53:24,411
What's up?
1284
00:53:26,246 --> 00:53:29,332
♪ It's flush
in the face desire...
1285
00:53:31,167 --> 00:53:32,168
Hey.
Yeah.
1286
00:53:32,377 --> 00:53:33,795
Happy birthday!
1287
00:53:34,588 --> 00:53:37,215
Jason? What are
you wearing?
1288
00:53:37,299 --> 00:53:39,634
Rock out with my cock out.
1289
00:53:40,468 --> 00:53:42,470
It's not my real cock, though.
1290
00:53:43,388 --> 00:53:44,389
Clearly.
1291
00:53:44,472 --> 00:53:45,473
Yeah.
1292
00:53:45,557 --> 00:53:46,683
Uh...
1293
00:53:46,975 --> 00:53:48,852
So it's a different
kind of dress-up party?
1294
00:53:48,935 --> 00:53:49,935
Yeah.
1295
00:53:49,978 --> 00:53:54,316
This is a classic
case of miscommunication.
1296
00:53:54,524 --> 00:53:55,567
It's really...
It's just a classic.
1297
00:53:55,692 --> 00:53:56,776
Yeah.
1298
00:53:57,777 --> 00:53:59,487
Um... Oh.
1299
00:54:03,074 --> 00:54:04,159
Um...
1300
00:54:05,076 --> 00:54:06,661
These are my parents.
1301
00:54:07,203 --> 00:54:09,539
My mom, Jodie, and my dad, Bill.
1302
00:54:09,623 --> 00:54:10,749
Holy shit.
1303
00:54:11,166 --> 00:54:12,167
This is Jason.
1304
00:54:13,126 --> 00:54:14,586
I'm sorry. Hi.
1305
00:54:14,669 --> 00:54:16,421
I'm just gonna pretend that
this isn't happening. Hi.
1306
00:54:16,504 --> 00:54:17,923
Hello.
Hi. I'm Jason.
1307
00:54:18,006 --> 00:54:19,006
Hi.
1308
00:54:19,049 --> 00:54:20,342
Bill.
Jason. Nice to meet you.
1309
00:54:20,425 --> 00:54:21,426
Oh, goodness.
Oh!
1310
00:54:21,509 --> 00:54:22,709
That should not have happened.
1311
00:54:22,761 --> 00:54:24,220
That shouldn't have happened.
1312
00:54:24,304 --> 00:54:25,305
Yeah.
1313
00:54:27,933 --> 00:54:29,434
It's a cocktail.
1314
00:54:31,686 --> 00:54:33,021
Shouldn't have said that.
1315
00:54:33,772 --> 00:54:35,023
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
1316
00:54:35,857 --> 00:54:39,986
I'm just gonna go
and check the...
1317
00:54:43,198 --> 00:54:44,783
You know what?
Just excuse me one sec.
1318
00:55:01,633 --> 00:55:04,844
♪ I've been looking
for a new emotion
1319
00:55:08,848 --> 00:55:12,227
♪ I've been taken
with a new emotion a'
1320
00:55:12,310 --> 00:55:14,896
Cheers!
(ALL CHEERING)
1321
00:55:20,902 --> 00:55:22,237
No. I got to hand it
to you, man.
1322
00:55:22,320 --> 00:55:23,655
I'm impressed by the
way you hung in there.
1323
00:55:23,738 --> 00:55:25,991
I should have left. I
definitely should have left.
1324
00:55:26,074 --> 00:55:27,826
I guess I'm a sucker for abuse.
1325
00:55:27,909 --> 00:55:29,285
You must be.
1326
00:55:29,369 --> 00:55:31,496
You know the hardest part
about this costume?
1327
00:55:31,579 --> 00:55:34,666
It was seeing this thing
next to my actual dick.
1328
00:55:34,749 --> 00:55:35,875
(LAUGHS) I can only imagine.
1329
00:55:35,959 --> 00:55:39,045
I didn't know whether
to cry or go kill myself.
1330
00:55:39,504 --> 00:55:41,673
What are you laughing at, Bill?
1331
00:55:43,091 --> 00:55:44,759
L like this guy, Ell.
1332
00:55:45,510 --> 00:55:47,012
I like this guy.
1333
00:55:48,513 --> 00:55:50,265
Don't encourage him, Dad.
1334
00:55:51,349 --> 00:55:52,767
Don't encourage him.
1335
00:55:58,189 --> 00:55:59,607
So?
1336
00:56:03,028 --> 00:56:04,279
So?
1337
00:56:06,197 --> 00:56:09,951
What do Jason and
Mikey think about this?
1338
00:56:13,038 --> 00:56:14,289
What do you mean?
1339
00:56:14,789 --> 00:56:17,292
Well, I mean,
like, whatever we're doing.
1340
00:56:18,460 --> 00:56:19,836
What have you told them?
1341
00:56:22,505 --> 00:56:24,799
I mean, I told them everything.
1342
00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:27,427
Yeah. They're really
happy for you.
1343
00:56:28,219 --> 00:56:29,471
Sorry. They're
happy for me?
1344
00:56:29,596 --> 00:56:30,805
They're happy for both of us.
1345
00:56:30,889 --> 00:56:33,641
They're just so happy
for the two of us.
1346
00:56:34,309 --> 00:56:36,644
That's what they... Yeah,
they're just really happy.
1347
00:56:36,728 --> 00:56:38,813
And Jason's taking it okay?
1348
00:56:39,230 --> 00:56:42,734
Yeah. I mean, he was
a little angry at first,
1349
00:56:42,817 --> 00:56:45,862
but now he's in the
fourth stage of grieving.
1350
00:56:46,196 --> 00:56:47,280
Denial?
1351
00:56:47,363 --> 00:56:48,990
Masturbation.
1352
00:56:49,741 --> 00:56:51,493
You know what's so cool?
1353
00:56:51,576 --> 00:56:53,912
When I'm being really
serious and you're like,
1354
00:56:53,995 --> 00:56:56,414
"Hey, I'm Daniel.
I'm, like, really funny."
1355
00:56:56,498 --> 00:56:57,832
I don't sound
anything like that.
1356
00:56:57,916 --> 00:56:58,917
You sound exactly like that.
1357
00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:00,502
"Hey, I'm Daniel."
1358
00:57:00,585 --> 00:57:02,295
You sound like you have
peanut butter in your mouth.
1359
00:57:02,378 --> 00:57:04,130
No.
What do you want me to say?
1360
00:57:04,214 --> 00:57:06,466
They think it's cool
that I'm slumming it?
1361
00:57:07,884 --> 00:57:10,136
Slumdogging?
1362
00:57:11,846 --> 00:57:15,558
No. Honestly, I'm just
happy you told them.
1363
00:57:16,643 --> 00:57:18,895
I know how you are with girls.
1364
00:57:19,687 --> 00:57:21,189
Or at least how you've been.
1365
00:57:27,445 --> 00:57:29,197
(WON'T YOU COME HOME PLAYING)
1366
00:57:29,739 --> 00:57:31,032
You know what?
1367
00:57:31,533 --> 00:57:32,867
Your dad...
1368
00:57:34,577 --> 00:57:35,787
Awesome.
1369
00:57:37,330 --> 00:57:40,875
Well, he likes you, too, even
though you had that thing on.
1370
00:57:42,043 --> 00:57:43,795
Maybe that's why he liked me.
1371
00:57:46,714 --> 00:57:48,716
You know you don't have to
clear up anything.
1372
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:49,884
You don't have to help.
1373
00:57:49,968 --> 00:57:51,261
No, I want to.
1374
00:57:51,386 --> 00:57:53,721
You can't wake up to this.
It's disgusting.
1375
00:57:53,805 --> 00:57:55,640
The apartment or you?
1376
00:57:57,350 --> 00:57:58,893
You've always hated me.
1377
00:57:58,977 --> 00:58:00,353
Just stop talking
for one minute.
1378
00:58:00,436 --> 00:58:02,897
I know it's really hard,
but you can just try.
1379
00:58:03,189 --> 00:58:04,524
You've always hated me.
1380
00:58:07,902 --> 00:58:12,073
♪ Won't you come home,
I surrender
1381
00:58:12,907 --> 00:58:18,371
♪ I miss my sweet bag of
bones, drunk and tender
1382
00:58:19,247 --> 00:58:24,586
♪ Why don't you want
to stay here suspended
1383
00:58:25,628 --> 00:58:30,925
♪ In the dead arms of
a year that has ended? a“
1384
00:58:40,685 --> 00:58:42,020
I'm gonna take a shower.
1385
00:58:42,103 --> 00:58:43,646
Okay-
Okay-
1386
00:58:43,730 --> 00:58:46,608
Last night was amazing.
1387
00:58:48,276 --> 00:58:49,611
And this morning.
1388
00:58:50,320 --> 00:58:51,613
(DOOR CLOSING)
1389
00:58:51,696 --> 00:58:53,696
ELLIE: Do you think you
could grow old in New York?
1390
00:58:54,032 --> 00:58:55,992
I'm not gonna get old.
1391
00:58:56,075 --> 00:58:57,785
Getting old looks so tiring.
1392
00:58:57,869 --> 00:59:00,371
I know. You just, like,
wake up in the morning
1393
00:59:00,455 --> 00:59:03,041
and have to figure out what
to do in between meals.
1394
00:59:03,124 --> 00:59:04,500
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
1395
00:59:04,584 --> 00:59:08,630
I'm gonna get an old Jaguar
XK-E, completely restored.
1396
00:59:08,713 --> 00:59:10,715
And then I'm gonna
eat a ton of acid.
1397
00:59:11,299 --> 00:59:14,260
Like, so much acid that if you
went to go see Cirque du Soleil,
1398
00:59:14,344 --> 00:59:16,262
you'd think you
were in Connecticut.
1399
00:59:16,346 --> 00:59:17,680
(LAUGHING)
1400
00:59:18,306 --> 00:59:20,266
And then I'm gonna speed up
the West Side Highway,
1401
00:59:20,308 --> 00:59:23,561
as fast as a car can go,
crash through the divider,
1402
00:59:23,645 --> 00:59:25,730
and careen off into the Hudson.
1403
00:59:25,813 --> 00:59:27,523
In slow-motion,
of course.
1404
00:59:27,607 --> 00:59:28,983
Of course.
1405
00:59:29,067 --> 00:59:30,568
And that would be it.
1406
00:59:30,652 --> 00:59:32,987
My death, premeditated.
1407
00:59:33,947 --> 00:59:34,948
Okay.
1408
00:59:35,031 --> 00:59:37,033
I mean, here's what's
actually gonna happen.
1409
00:59:37,158 --> 00:59:38,785
What?
1410
00:59:38,868 --> 00:59:41,162
You'll be 70 years old.
1411
00:59:41,246 --> 00:59:43,164
So you'll think
you're going 150,
1412
00:59:43,248 --> 00:59:45,583
but actually you're going
25 at best, 15 at worst.
1413
00:59:45,667 --> 00:59:48,711
You can't see, so the acid
you think you're eating
1414
00:59:48,795 --> 00:59:50,421
will actually be
an errant Lipitor.
1415
00:59:50,505 --> 00:59:53,007
You're going to forget what you were
doing in the car in the first place,
1416
00:59:53,091 --> 00:59:55,093
bump into the divider,
wet yourself, ruin the car,
1417
00:59:55,176 --> 00:59:57,428
lose your license, and your
dignity in one fell swoop.
1418
00:59:57,512 --> 01:00:00,181
And then you're gonna be ushered
off into some rest home,
1419
01:00:00,265 --> 01:00:01,266
where you have to
wake up in the mornings,
1420
01:00:01,349 --> 01:00:04,018
and figure out what the hell
to do in between meals.
1421
01:00:05,520 --> 01:00:08,982
You know, you don't have to be right
about everything all the time?
1422
01:00:18,866 --> 01:00:19,993
DANIEL: How's Ellie?
1423
01:00:20,285 --> 01:00:22,036
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
1424
01:00:23,204 --> 01:00:24,455
What do you mean?
1425
01:00:24,539 --> 01:00:25,540
What do you mean what do I mean?
1426
01:00:25,623 --> 01:00:27,625
Nothing.
What are you talking about?
1427
01:00:27,709 --> 01:00:30,712
(CHUCKLES) What are you talking about?
So? What's up?
1428
01:00:30,795 --> 01:00:32,130
Nothing. Where's Chelsea?
1429
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:33,923
What do you mean?
1430
01:00:34,007 --> 01:00:36,801
I mean, where is
Chelsea is what I mean.
1431
01:00:39,387 --> 01:00:40,972
I gotta talk to
you about Chelsea.
1432
01:00:41,055 --> 01:00:42,432
ALL: Oh!
1433
01:00:44,225 --> 01:00:45,226
What's going on?
1434
01:00:46,519 --> 01:00:48,187
Why are you so happy?
Yeah?
1435
01:00:48,271 --> 01:00:50,106
I can't be happy to
see my two best friends?
1436
01:00:50,189 --> 01:00:51,816
That's not a happy-to-see-your-
two-best-friends face.
1437
01:00:51,899 --> 01:00:53,067
No?
1438
01:00:53,860 --> 01:00:54,986
What is going on?
1439
01:00:55,069 --> 01:00:56,571
You're girl happy.
1440
01:00:56,654 --> 01:00:58,656
Look at me.
Did you bone again?
1441
01:00:58,740 --> 01:00:59,907
You boned again, didn't you?
1442
01:00:59,991 --> 01:01:01,072
No. What are you...
Did you?
1443
01:01:01,075 --> 01:01:03,494
No. That's ridiculous. Can you
stop looking at me like that?
1444
01:01:03,578 --> 01:01:05,163
You're a fucking animal!
Yes, you did! Did you?
1445
01:01:05,246 --> 01:01:06,581
Did you? Hmm?
1446
01:01:06,664 --> 01:01:07,665
Who was it?
Glasses girl?
1447
01:01:07,749 --> 01:01:08,791
Was it?
1448
01:01:08,875 --> 01:01:10,251
Glasses girl.
Was it?
1449
01:01:10,335 --> 01:01:11,544
BOTH: Hey! Oh!
1450
01:01:12,962 --> 01:01:14,339
Wow. Mikey.
1451
01:01:14,422 --> 01:01:16,302
It's the beginning of a
beautiful roster, buddy.
1452
01:01:16,382 --> 01:01:17,675
Yeah, man. I'm proud of you.
I'm proud of you.
1453
01:01:17,759 --> 01:01:19,039
Thank you.
I'm also proud of you.
1454
01:01:19,093 --> 01:01:20,773
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Your phone is ringing.
1455
01:01:22,930 --> 01:01:24,807
Are you going to answer that?
No.
1456
01:01:24,891 --> 01:01:26,267
Mmm. You should.
It might be a hot
1457
01:01:26,351 --> 01:01:27,518
lonely girl looking
to talk to me,
1458
01:01:27,602 --> 01:01:29,062
but she has your number.
(RINGING CONTINUES)
1459
01:01:29,145 --> 01:01:30,438
No. It's Ellie.
No, it's not.
1460
01:01:30,521 --> 01:01:31,606
I can read it. It's
right there on the bar.
1461
01:01:31,689 --> 01:01:33,608
It says, "Ellie." See that?
1462
01:01:34,776 --> 01:01:35,818
I'll get it later.
1463
01:01:35,902 --> 01:01:37,028
That's real mature.
1464
01:01:37,111 --> 01:01:38,151
Yeah. You should
answer it,
1465
01:01:38,154 --> 01:01:39,364
because she's your girlfriend.
1466
01:01:39,447 --> 01:01:41,240
It's... Yeah.
My girlfriend.
1467
01:01:41,366 --> 01:01:42,950
(CELL PHONE RINGING) MIKEY: Oh, shit.
She's calling again.
1468
01:01:43,034 --> 01:01:44,035
Back to back?
1469
01:01:44,118 --> 01:01:46,704
Answer that phone! She might
need you to pick up diapers!
1470
01:01:46,788 --> 01:01:48,122
Or, like, tampons,
or something like that.
1471
01:01:48,206 --> 01:01:49,749
I'm outwith you guys.
I'm not fucking answering it.
1472
01:01:49,832 --> 01:01:51,000
Well, I'm gonna answer it.
I wish I wasn't.
1473
01:01:51,084 --> 01:01:54,712
Hey, Ellie! What's up? No, it's Daniel.
It's Jason's best man.
1474
01:01:54,796 --> 01:01:56,214
He just crossed a line.
It's his best man friend.
1475
01:01:56,297 --> 01:01:57,757
Best man? What are you talking about?
Uh-huh. Yeah.
1476
01:01:57,840 --> 01:01:59,592
All right.
Here he is. Here he is.
1477
01:01:59,675 --> 01:02:01,177
Hi.
Hi.
1478
01:02:01,260 --> 01:02:03,096
Hello. All strong arm-y.
You wanna strong arm me?
1479
01:02:03,179 --> 01:02:04,472
He gets so angry.
1480
01:02:05,306 --> 01:02:06,641
Yeah. Hello?
1481
01:02:07,100 --> 01:02:08,309
I can hear you.
1482
01:02:12,647 --> 01:02:13,856
Ellie?
1483
01:02:16,317 --> 01:02:18,236
Oh, my God.
What? What's up?
1484
01:02:18,319 --> 01:02:20,113
Her dad just died.
1485
01:02:21,864 --> 01:02:23,032
Her dad died.
1486
01:02:36,671 --> 01:02:38,756
You have to.
It's not even a question.
1487
01:02:38,840 --> 01:02:39,924
You have to show up
at that funeral.
1488
01:02:40,007 --> 01:02:42,051
If I set foot anywhere near that
funeral, then we're dating.
1489
01:02:42,135 --> 01:02:43,135
Then don't go, dude.
1490
01:02:43,177 --> 01:02:44,470
What the fuck are
you talking about?
1491
01:02:44,554 --> 01:02:45,555
What the fuck are
you talking about?
1492
01:02:45,638 --> 01:02:46,806
If he doesn't want
to go to the funeral,
1493
01:02:46,891 --> 01:02:48,171
why should he go to the funeral?
1494
01:02:48,182 --> 01:02:50,309
Are you not a human being?
Do you not have a soul?
1495
01:02:50,393 --> 01:02:51,811
Technically, she didn't
even invite me.
1496
01:02:51,894 --> 01:02:54,564
Technically? She has to
invite you to a funeral?
1497
01:02:54,647 --> 01:02:56,774
Yeah. What, he's supposed
to show up and say,
1498
01:02:56,858 --> 01:02:59,777
"Hey. I'm Jason. I'm actually
fucking the dead guy's daughter"?
1499
01:02:59,861 --> 01:03:01,237
What're you talking about?
1500
01:03:01,362 --> 01:03:02,780
If anything, I'm just
gonna be a distraction.
1501
01:03:02,864 --> 01:03:03,990
It's like...
1502
01:03:04,115 --> 01:03:05,158
It's better than
being an asshole. Okay?
1503
01:03:05,241 --> 01:03:06,562
It's better than
being an asshole.
1504
01:03:06,659 --> 01:03:08,744
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
1505
01:03:16,711 --> 01:03:18,713
I know. l wish
I could be home, too.
1506
01:03:19,881 --> 01:03:22,633
Next year. I promise.
But happy Thanksgiving.
1507
01:03:28,764 --> 01:03:30,099
I miss you, too.
1508
01:03:30,933 --> 01:03:33,019
Tell Dad I say hello.
1509
01:03:35,062 --> 01:03:36,230
I love you, too.
1510
01:03:38,109 --> 01:03:39,710
Yeah, no. Take your time.
Take your time.
1511
01:03:39,734 --> 01:03:43,613
I'll be here.
Finishing up. Ah, yeah.
1512
01:03:46,657 --> 01:03:48,534
Here. That's set.
1513
01:04:10,890 --> 01:04:12,475
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
1514
01:04:13,518 --> 01:04:14,519
Oh!
1515
01:04:14,602 --> 01:04:15,853
I'm so glad you came.
1516
01:04:15,937 --> 01:04:17,230
You look great.
1517
01:04:17,313 --> 01:04:19,065
You look great.
Nice flowers.
1518
01:04:19,148 --> 01:04:21,734
Thank you. They're not for you.
They're for your grandma.
1519
01:04:21,817 --> 01:04:23,653
Grandma.
There you go.
1520
01:04:23,736 --> 01:04:26,322
I picked them myself on the way over.
No big deal.
1521
01:04:26,405 --> 01:04:28,199
God. She
is so sweet.
1522
01:04:28,282 --> 01:04:29,492
I see where you
get your looks from.
1523
01:04:29,575 --> 01:04:30,576
Shameless of you.
Yeah.
1524
01:04:30,660 --> 01:04:32,078
What? I'm not trying to
have sex with your grandma.
1525
01:04:32,161 --> 01:04:33,162
Ew. Gross.
1526
01:04:33,246 --> 01:04:34,664
Unless you think she's into it.
1527
01:04:34,747 --> 01:04:36,374
Don't think she's...
Then maybe I will. Grandma!
1528
01:04:36,457 --> 01:04:37,833
Don't... He may be into it.
I'm just kidding.
1529
01:04:37,917 --> 01:04:38,876
All right. I'm just saying.
1530
01:04:38,960 --> 01:04:41,546
Like, in two generations I could be
responsible for making you again.
1531
01:04:41,629 --> 01:04:42,880
Okay.
It's called science.
1532
01:04:42,964 --> 01:04:44,423
It's called disgusting.
1533
01:04:45,967 --> 01:04:48,135
So are Mikey and Jason coming?
1534
01:04:48,219 --> 01:04:50,805
No, I don't think they're
gonna make it this year.
1535
01:04:55,059 --> 01:04:57,144
Oh, babe, I'm so sorry.
I know I'm late.
1536
01:04:57,478 --> 01:04:58,479
Traffic was awful.
1537
01:04:58,646 --> 01:04:59,646
It's a holiday.
1538
01:04:59,689 --> 01:05:00,856
(SIGHS) Hi.
1539
01:05:04,026 --> 01:05:06,362
Oh, the turkey looks beautiful!
1540
01:05:06,445 --> 01:05:08,322
And you got the red I like.
1541
01:05:09,073 --> 01:05:10,741
I made everything
just how you like it.
1542
01:05:10,825 --> 01:05:12,243
I know you did.
1543
01:05:13,786 --> 01:05:15,454
Mmm. This red is so smooth.
1544
01:05:15,538 --> 01:05:18,082
I don't know. It feels a
little off balance to me.
1545
01:05:18,165 --> 01:05:19,625
Yeah?
What do you mean?
1546
01:05:20,543 --> 01:05:22,837
I don't know. Like
something doesn't belong.
1547
01:05:24,505 --> 01:05:26,591
Maybe it needs to
breathe a little.
1548
01:05:26,674 --> 01:05:28,074
It has, like,
a chocolate undertone.
1549
01:05:28,134 --> 01:05:30,386
Maybe you're just
reacting to that flavor.
1550
01:05:31,095 --> 01:05:34,473
Or maybe 'cause you're still
fucking Harold. I can't tell.
1551
01:05:35,850 --> 01:05:37,602
You know his jacket
is still in the closet?
1552
01:05:37,685 --> 01:05:39,520
It's a great jacket. Why's
it in the fucking closet?
1553
01:05:39,604 --> 01:05:41,063
Can we please just enjoy this?
1554
01:05:41,147 --> 01:05:43,348
I've been trying to pretend
that things haven't changed.
1555
01:05:43,357 --> 01:05:44,400
Things have changed.
1556
01:05:44,483 --> 01:05:45,901
Then what are we doing?
1557
01:05:47,028 --> 01:05:48,404
What are we doing?
1558
01:05:51,365 --> 01:05:53,451
We're having fun.
I don't know.
1559
01:05:53,534 --> 01:05:54,869
"I don't know"?
1560
01:05:57,079 --> 01:05:58,080
That's it?
1561
01:05:58,956 --> 01:06:00,583
"I don't know"?
1562
01:06:02,376 --> 01:06:03,878
We had everything we wanted.
1563
01:06:03,961 --> 01:06:05,463
A great apartment.
A great job.
1564
01:06:05,546 --> 01:06:07,214
You're making partner in a year.
I'm in the ER.
1565
01:06:07,258 --> 01:06:08,458
We checked each other's boxes!
1566
01:06:08,466 --> 01:06:10,176
Why didn't we
ever talk about kids?
1567
01:06:12,803 --> 01:06:16,515
It's because neither of us saw that
future and you know that's true.
1568
01:06:25,816 --> 01:06:27,193
Maybe I should go.
1569
01:06:36,869 --> 01:06:38,079
(DOOR CLOSES)
1570
01:06:39,955 --> 01:06:41,082
(SIGHS)
1571
01:06:50,174 --> 01:06:51,926
I just need to hear you say it.
1572
01:06:53,636 --> 01:06:54,929
Just say it.
1573
01:07:03,521 --> 01:07:05,606
I don't love you anymore.
1574
01:07:19,328 --> 01:07:20,496
(CHIMES)
1575
01:07:28,170 --> 01:07:30,756
So, I said to Paul, after
our first lunch downtown,
1576
01:07:30,840 --> 01:07:33,300
I thought you two would
be perfect for one another.
1577
01:07:33,384 --> 01:07:34,385
Mom.
1578
01:07:34,468 --> 01:07:36,178
Susan, to be honest, I feel like
I'd be perfect with anybody.
1579
01:07:36,262 --> 01:07:37,555
You know, for your daughter,
it was just right place
1580
01:07:37,638 --> 01:07:38,806
at the right time.
Aw!
1581
01:07:38,889 --> 01:07:40,599
You know,
like working at Google.
1582
01:07:40,975 --> 01:07:42,393
You've got a job at Google?
1583
01:07:42,643 --> 01:07:44,770
No. I was just...
You know, that's not...
1584
01:07:44,854 --> 01:07:46,147
Possible.
Right.
1585
01:07:46,230 --> 01:07:49,734
Daddy, Daniel was actually just telling
Mom that he was too good for me.
1586
01:07:50,151 --> 01:07:51,902
No. Daniel wasn't.
Was that right?
1587
01:07:51,986 --> 01:07:54,071
Now there, you're... Well, you're
taking it out of context, sir.
1588
01:07:54,155 --> 01:07:56,198
It's the other way around.
I'm very lucky.
1589
01:07:56,407 --> 01:08:00,202
Well, calm down, Daniel. We know
you're not too good for Chelsea.
1590
01:08:00,828 --> 01:08:02,371
Paul?
Dad?
1591
01:08:02,455 --> 01:08:04,707
And well, we are very
happy to have you here.
1592
01:08:04,790 --> 01:08:07,585
I've got 3 grand on the Cowboys.
I could use a drinking buddy.
1593
01:08:07,918 --> 01:08:09,462
Yeah, I'd love
a drink right now.
1594
01:08:10,337 --> 01:08:11,756
Let's get a drink!
Okay, great.
1595
01:08:13,340 --> 01:08:14,675
You scared them away.
1596
01:08:45,289 --> 01:08:46,415
Thanks.
1597
01:09:08,771 --> 01:09:09,897
What?
1598
01:09:10,940 --> 01:09:12,608
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
1599
01:09:13,108 --> 01:09:15,861
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
1600
01:09:23,118 --> 01:09:24,161
Oh.
1601
01:09:24,245 --> 01:09:26,163
I have wanted to
rip your clothes off
1602
01:09:26,288 --> 01:09:28,165
ever since you
walked into this party.
1603
01:09:28,249 --> 01:09:31,544
Oh, my God, Grandma! Your
hands smell like stuffing!
1604
01:09:36,841 --> 01:09:39,385
Wait, wait. I don't know.
Should we do this right now?
1605
01:09:39,468 --> 01:09:40,803
What, you're gonna
say no to sex?
1606
01:09:40,886 --> 01:09:42,286
No. I love sex.
I love sex with you.
1607
01:09:42,346 --> 01:09:45,516
But I'm saying, like, 'cause your
family's out there and stuff.
1608
01:09:45,599 --> 01:09:46,851
Oh, yeah.
And your dad is kind of...
1609
01:09:46,934 --> 01:09:50,145
You know what? Maybe
stop being such a pussy.
1610
01:09:52,106 --> 01:09:53,357
Okay.
1611
01:10:05,244 --> 01:10:06,620
(BOTH MOANING)
1612
01:10:13,669 --> 01:10:15,087
(DOOR CLOSING)
1613
01:10:20,676 --> 01:10:22,344
(WHISPERING)
Did you lock the door?
1614
01:10:22,469 --> 01:10:23,804
(WHISPERING) I think so.
1615
01:10:24,680 --> 01:10:26,473
You think so or you know so?
1616
01:10:26,557 --> 01:10:28,225
You came in after me.
You should have locked it.
1617
01:10:28,309 --> 01:10:29,393
Shh! Quiet.
1618
01:10:29,977 --> 01:10:31,228
(URINATING)
1619
01:10:33,355 --> 01:10:35,983
I think it's your grandma.
She's coming for me.
1620
01:10:37,693 --> 01:10:39,737
I knew I shouldn't have
given her those flowers.
1621
01:10:39,820 --> 01:10:41,488
She's coming for me.
1622
01:10:53,375 --> 01:10:55,044
Jesus. What the fuck?
1623
01:10:55,127 --> 01:10:56,128
Okay. Hey.
Oh, my God!
1624
01:10:56,211 --> 01:10:57,254
Hey, dude.
1625
01:10:57,379 --> 01:10:58,422
What the fuck are
you doing in here?
1626
01:10:58,505 --> 01:10:59,590
Don't look at my
fucking dick, man!
1627
01:10:59,673 --> 01:11:01,383
Oh, my God.
You guys are fucking?
1628
01:11:01,467 --> 01:11:02,509
It doesn't mean what
you think it means.
1629
01:11:02,593 --> 01:11:03,594
CHELSEA: Oh, it doesn't?
Lt doesnW?
1630
01:11:03,677 --> 01:11:04,929
No. it doesn't mean that.
1631
01:11:05,012 --> 01:11:07,012
Oh, what does our relationship
mean to you, Daniel?
1632
01:11:07,056 --> 01:11:09,141
Relationship? You guys
are in a relationship?
1633
01:11:09,224 --> 01:11:10,476
You didn't tell him?
1634
01:11:10,559 --> 01:11:12,269
You told me you told him!
You fucking lied to me.
1635
01:11:12,353 --> 01:11:16,231
What I should have said in this
situation was that I didn't.
1636
01:11:16,315 --> 01:11:17,441
Oh, of course.
L didn't tell him.
1637
01:11:17,524 --> 01:11:18,609
Jesus Christ, Daniel.
1638
01:11:18,734 --> 01:11:19,777
We're not dating, okay?
If that's what...
1639
01:11:19,860 --> 01:11:21,612
Oh, my God. Fuck you.
1640
01:11:22,196 --> 01:11:23,280
What the fuck?
1641
01:11:23,364 --> 01:11:24,485
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
1642
01:11:24,531 --> 01:11:26,033
What the fuck is right!
What are you doing here?
1643
01:11:26,116 --> 01:11:27,660
Jesus! Does no one in
this house lock a door?
1644
01:11:27,743 --> 01:11:29,703
Where are you coming from?
I was with Vera.
1645
01:11:29,828 --> 01:11:31,038
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
1646
01:11:31,163 --> 01:11:32,163
Your ex-wife?
1647
01:11:32,206 --> 01:11:33,499
Why were you with Vera?
1648
01:11:33,574 --> 01:11:34,935
'Cause I was
trying to work it out.
1649
01:11:34,959 --> 01:11:36,168
But it's over now.
1650
01:11:36,585 --> 01:11:37,962
MIKEY: Oh, my God.
Hey, man.
1651
01:11:38,139 --> 01:11:39,940
Do not hug me with no pants on.
Bring it here.
1652
01:11:39,964 --> 01:11:41,298
Do not hug me with no pants on.
1653
01:11:41,382 --> 01:11:43,008
You're right.
Respect. Respect.
1654
01:11:43,092 --> 01:11:44,718
What were you doing trying
to work it out with Vera?
1655
01:11:44,802 --> 01:11:47,304
Because that's what I do, Jason.
I try to make things work.
1656
01:11:47,388 --> 01:11:48,639
But you wouldn't
know anything about that
1657
01:11:48,722 --> 01:11:49,848
'cause you always
playing shit safe.
1658
01:11:49,932 --> 01:11:51,058
No. Because we had a deal.
1659
01:11:51,141 --> 01:11:52,942
We were staying single.
CHELSEA: Wait. Single?
1660
01:11:53,018 --> 01:11:54,103
It's a long story. We'll
talk about it later.
1661
01:11:54,186 --> 01:11:55,946
I didn't go to a funeral.
You both lied to me
1662
01:11:55,980 --> 01:11:58,190
I did that for you.
I did that for both of you.
1663
01:11:58,273 --> 01:12:00,317
Wait, wait, wait. You didn't
do any of this shit for us.
1664
01:12:00,401 --> 01:12:01,777
You do everything for you.
1665
01:12:01,902 --> 01:12:03,612
You want us to be
just like Jason.
1666
01:12:03,696 --> 01:12:06,782
And I can't think of anything I want
more than to be nothing like you.
1667
01:12:06,865 --> 01:12:09,326
Your wife fucked some other
dude and you're mad at me.
1668
01:12:09,410 --> 01:12:10,452
Whoa, man.
1669
01:12:10,577 --> 01:12:11,577
You wanna say that again?
1670
01:12:11,662 --> 01:12:13,497
She might still be
fucking this dude. Oh!
1671
01:12:13,706 --> 01:12:16,208
Stop it. You guys, stop it!
Get the fuck out!
1672
01:12:16,291 --> 01:12:17,292
Stop. Come
on, man.
1673
01:12:17,418 --> 01:12:18,836
Your dick is touching me, man!
I'm sorry.
1674
01:12:18,919 --> 01:12:20,713
You know what?
Fuck you guys!
1675
01:12:20,796 --> 01:12:23,632
I can go back to my life!
My roster, my fun!
1676
01:12:23,716 --> 01:12:25,926
All my shit!
And do it without you!
1677
01:12:26,010 --> 01:12:29,179
Okay? We weren't getting into
relationships! That was the deal!
1678
01:12:29,768 --> 01:12:31,408
It really wasn't
about anything other than
1679
01:12:31,432 --> 01:12:34,143
having my two best friends
and I back together again.
1680
01:12:34,226 --> 01:12:35,394
That was it.
1681
01:12:35,477 --> 01:12:37,312
Now look at the shit
you guys are in!
1682
01:12:37,688 --> 01:12:39,106
You're a sad man.
1683
01:12:40,107 --> 01:12:42,109
Yeah. Fuck you, Mikey.
1684
01:12:44,528 --> 01:12:45,529
Oh, wow.
1685
01:12:47,740 --> 01:12:49,324
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
1686
01:12:49,408 --> 01:12:51,285
Such a special time of year.
1687
01:12:54,413 --> 01:12:56,999
(STILL LIFE PLAYING)
1688
01:13:10,512 --> 01:13:16,018
♪ Under a sky no one sees
1689
01:13:16,810 --> 01:13:21,482
♪ Waiting, watching it happening
1690
01:13:22,691 --> 01:13:27,362
♪ Don't hurry Give it time
1691
01:13:28,322 --> 01:13:33,077
♪ Things are the way
they have to be
1692
01:13:33,994 --> 01:13:38,165
♪ Slow down Give it time
1693
01:13:39,583 --> 01:13:44,546
♪ Still life
You know I'm listening
1694
01:13:44,922 --> 01:13:50,636
♪ The moment that you want is
coming if you give it time
1695
01:13:54,932 --> 01:14:00,437
♪ When you wake up
When you wake up
1696
01:14:00,854 --> 01:14:03,524
♪ YOU Will find me
1697
01:14:06,443 --> 01:14:11,573
♪ When you wake up
When you wake up
1698
01:14:12,157 --> 01:14:14,118
♪ YOU Will find me A'
1699
01:14:15,619 --> 01:14:16,703
Ellie?
1700
01:14:17,204 --> 01:14:18,372
Hey.
1701
01:14:18,455 --> 01:14:19,581
Hey.
1702
01:14:20,707 --> 01:14:22,042
Hey, look, I'd love to.
1703
01:14:22,126 --> 01:14:23,127
Love to what?
1704
01:14:23,210 --> 01:14:25,462
Get a coffee.
Talk for a few hours.
1705
01:14:25,546 --> 01:14:26,588
Get a drink after.
Maybe some tequila?
1706
01:14:26,713 --> 01:14:27,798
Jason.
1707
01:14:27,881 --> 01:14:28,841
What? Is that not
what you just said?
1708
01:14:28,924 --> 01:14:30,759
I could have sworn I just heard
you say that you wanted to...
1709
01:14:30,843 --> 01:14:31,885
Jason.
1710
01:14:31,969 --> 01:14:33,053
What?
1711
01:14:41,812 --> 01:14:43,814
You weren't there for me.
1712
01:14:45,232 --> 01:14:48,402
On a day when I really,
really needed you.
1713
01:14:52,364 --> 01:14:55,159
And being there for someone
when they need you?
1714
01:14:55,242 --> 01:15:00,122
That's all
relationships are, Jason.
1715
01:15:04,084 --> 01:15:05,419
That's all they are.
1716
01:16:13,403 --> 01:16:14,821
You Okay?
1717
01:16:17,157 --> 01:16:18,408
Yeah, I'm fine.
1718
01:16:26,500 --> 01:16:28,210
I just can't...
1719
01:16:30,337 --> 01:16:32,589
Can't stop thinking
about what she's doing.
1720
01:16:33,507 --> 01:16:34,967
Like, when I'm not there.
1721
01:16:38,512 --> 01:16:40,931
I know what the couch
looks like at her place.
1722
01:16:43,725 --> 01:16:45,435
I just can't stop
imagining the different
1723
01:16:45,519 --> 01:16:48,188
people that are
all sitting on it.
1724
01:16:50,482 --> 01:16:51,817
A guy.
1725
01:16:53,026 --> 01:16:54,361
A different guy.
1726
01:16:55,112 --> 01:16:56,363
A new guy-
1727
01:16:58,448 --> 01:17:00,117
Just every guy but me.
1728
01:17:01,285 --> 01:17:02,953
Sitting on that couch.
1729
01:17:06,206 --> 01:17:07,541
Well,
1730
01:17:10,043 --> 01:17:13,130
it sounds to me like
you just need to get laid.
1731
01:17:20,512 --> 01:17:21,805
(BOTH MOANING)
1732
01:17:21,888 --> 01:17:23,307
I know this is
gonna sound crazy.
1733
01:17:23,390 --> 01:17:24,516
Then don't say it.
No.
1734
01:17:24,599 --> 01:17:28,645
This is gonna sound even more
crazy, given the new information.
1735
01:17:28,729 --> 01:17:29,980
Shh.
No, listen.
1736
01:17:33,734 --> 01:17:35,027
I'm sorry. I can't do this.
1737
01:17:35,110 --> 01:17:36,445
Wow. What?
1738
01:17:39,906 --> 01:17:42,534
I'm just still
getting over someone.
1739
01:17:42,909 --> 01:17:45,329
Come on. You're gonna
go full-girl with it?
1740
01:17:46,330 --> 01:17:49,750
I think I made
a terrible mistake.
1741
01:17:51,376 --> 01:17:53,295
I know I can be selfish,
arrogant,
1742
01:17:53,420 --> 01:17:55,339
distant and
emotionally retarded.
1743
01:17:55,422 --> 01:17:56,965
I'm just gonna stop
you right there because
1744
01:17:57,049 --> 01:18:01,053
whatever it is that you're doing
right now is not what we do.
1745
01:18:01,136 --> 01:18:03,680
I just needed
somebody to talk to.
1746
01:18:03,764 --> 01:18:05,015
Jason?
1747
01:18:05,432 --> 01:18:07,476
Don't you have any friends?
1748
01:18:19,905 --> 01:18:21,156
(DOOR CLOSING)
1749
01:18:39,299 --> 01:18:40,884
These actually do go together.
1750
01:18:41,968 --> 01:18:43,470
Didn't see that coming.
1751
01:18:46,390 --> 01:18:47,641
I'm sorry.
1752
01:18:48,725 --> 01:18:49,810
I know.
1753
01:18:55,941 --> 01:18:56,983
I just...
1754
01:18:57,067 --> 01:18:58,276
I don't know,
to be honest, I'm having
1755
01:18:58,402 --> 01:18:59,569
so much fun
hanging out, you know,
1756
01:18:59,653 --> 01:19:02,155
and chasing girls.
And doing the thing and...
1757
01:19:02,906 --> 01:19:04,366
"Doing the thing"?
Yeah, I miss that.
1758
01:19:04,449 --> 01:19:06,201
And I'm not gonna be able to
do that if I'm with Chelsea.
1759
01:19:06,284 --> 01:19:07,452
You know that.
1760
01:19:07,619 --> 01:19:08,745
I know.
1761
01:19:08,870 --> 01:19:10,080
Okay.
1762
01:19:12,416 --> 01:19:13,917
Go tell her how you feel.
1763
01:19:14,000 --> 01:19:15,043
Go make a scene.
1764
01:19:15,168 --> 01:19:16,211
Yeah.
1765
01:19:16,294 --> 01:19:18,046
Make a public spectacle.
Yeah.
1766
01:19:18,130 --> 01:19:20,090
Dude. Go big.
Do it like the movies.
1767
01:19:20,173 --> 01:19:21,174
Like the movies. Yeah.
1768
01:19:21,258 --> 01:19:22,467
Like Jerry Maguire.
I love that movie.
1769
01:19:22,551 --> 01:19:23,969
I love that movie, man!
So good.
1770
01:19:24,052 --> 01:19:25,303
"You had me at hello."
What?
1771
01:19:25,429 --> 01:19:26,909
Don't ever do that again.
Okay? Sorry.
1772
01:19:26,972 --> 01:19:28,348
But tell me what you
love about her, man!
1773
01:19:28,432 --> 01:19:29,975
What do you love about her?
I love the way she laughs.
1774
01:19:30,058 --> 01:19:32,561
I like the way she fake laughs
when she knows that I need it.
1775
01:19:32,644 --> 01:19:33,687
Yes.
1776
01:19:33,854 --> 01:19:34,896
I love the way we
fit together in bed.
1777
01:19:34,980 --> 01:19:36,982
Because we're the same height,
our crotches line up perfectly.
1778
01:19:37,065 --> 01:19:38,066
That's really good.
1779
01:19:38,150 --> 01:19:39,401
I love that about it!
1780
01:19:39,484 --> 01:19:40,610
I mean, what are
the chances, right?
1781
01:19:40,694 --> 01:19:43,905
I love the way that
she looks in the morning.
1782
01:19:43,989 --> 01:19:45,782
Like at that exact moment
when she wakes up,
1783
01:19:45,866 --> 01:19:47,866
and her eyes just open
like two little butterflies.
1784
01:19:47,868 --> 01:19:49,161
Two little...
I love that!
1785
01:19:49,244 --> 01:19:50,287
I love that!
1786
01:19:50,370 --> 01:19:51,621
Yeah, man.
But I wouldn't go there.
1787
01:19:51,705 --> 01:19:53,290
Yeah, I wouldn't do that.
Okay.
1788
01:19:53,373 --> 01:19:54,458
So run and tell her that.
I'm gonna go.
1789
01:19:54,541 --> 01:19:56,126
Don't go all Notebook with it.
But run and tell her that.
1790
01:19:56,209 --> 01:19:57,419
I'm doing it.
Do it.
1791
01:19:57,502 --> 01:19:58,503
I'm doing it.
Do it, man.
1792
01:19:58,587 --> 01:19:59,713
I'm going.
Let's do it.
1793
01:19:59,796 --> 01:20:00,797
I'm gonna do it!
1794
01:20:00,881 --> 01:20:01,882
Man, you're doing it!
1795
01:20:02,507 --> 01:20:04,092
(HORN HONKING) Oh, shit!
1796
01:20:04,176 --> 01:20:05,844
Oh, my God!
1797
01:20:06,303 --> 01:20:07,846
Dude?
MAN: Someone call 911!
1798
01:20:10,807 --> 01:20:14,394
You took, like, four bags of fluid.
You were severely dehydrated.
1799
01:20:14,478 --> 01:20:15,645
Oop!
1800
01:20:15,937 --> 01:20:17,738
You need to be housebroken.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
1801
01:20:20,358 --> 01:20:23,487
I mean, what the hell
were you doing?
1802
01:20:23,570 --> 01:20:24,779
I was running.
1803
01:20:24,863 --> 01:20:25,906
Why?
1804
01:20:25,989 --> 01:20:27,240
Because I...
1805
01:20:28,408 --> 01:20:29,576
I'm sorry.
1806
01:20:29,659 --> 01:20:32,300
I'm really, really sorry. I was
running to tell you that I'm sorry.
1807
01:20:34,831 --> 01:20:37,334
And I should have told these
guys that we were dating.
1808
01:20:38,788 --> 01:20:40,188
From the beginning,
I told him that.
1809
01:20:40,212 --> 01:20:41,773
We tried to convince
him the whole time.
1810
01:20:42,339 --> 01:20:44,591
I want to date you, Chels.
1811
01:20:46,092 --> 01:20:48,553
Like... Like,
really date you.
1812
01:20:50,263 --> 01:20:51,890
I want that, too.
1813
01:20:52,933 --> 01:20:54,100
Oh!
1814
01:20:57,521 --> 01:20:59,105
You're such an idiot.
1815
01:21:08,532 --> 01:21:10,033
I'm out.
1816
01:21:17,791 --> 01:21:19,668
GLASSES GIRL: I was
wondering if you'd call.
1817
01:21:19,751 --> 01:21:20,751
So?
1818
01:21:20,794 --> 01:21:22,462
I'd love to see you.
1819
01:21:22,546 --> 01:21:24,506
No, seriously,
that took forever.
1820
01:21:24,589 --> 01:21:25,757
(LAUGHS)
1821
01:21:26,716 --> 01:21:28,593
I'd love to see you again.
1822
01:21:29,803 --> 01:21:31,124
Ah! That's what
I'm talking about.
1823
01:21:31,137 --> 01:21:33,265
Honestly? Who
waits that long?
1824
01:21:33,348 --> 01:21:34,975
Yeah, that was my fault.
1825
01:21:35,976 --> 01:21:37,269
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1826
01:21:47,821 --> 01:21:48,989
(SIGHS)
1827
01:22:01,626 --> 01:22:04,921
Ooh, fucking guy in the red hat.
1828
01:22:05,005 --> 01:22:06,631
Who the fuck are you?
1829
01:22:09,801 --> 01:22:11,845
Let's find more pictures of you.
1830
01:22:18,602 --> 01:22:19,644
Bingo.
1831
01:22:22,230 --> 01:22:24,190
Let's fucking look you up.
1832
01:22:26,234 --> 01:22:27,444
Bill.
1833
01:22:28,987 --> 01:22:31,906
What? William Matherson,
restaurateur.
1834
01:22:31,990 --> 01:22:33,992
What a piece of shit
this guy is.
1835
01:22:38,038 --> 01:22:40,081
Oh, my God. Dude.
1836
01:22:59,851 --> 01:23:01,571
I mean, honestly,
I just find it disgusting.
1837
01:23:01,645 --> 01:23:03,446
The way that you guys
embrace the single life.
1838
01:23:03,521 --> 01:23:04,981
The women?
The carousing?
1839
01:23:05,065 --> 01:23:06,983
Carousing? Who are you?
Cary Grant?
1840
01:23:07,067 --> 01:23:08,360
You've been in a relationship
all of two minutes.
1841
01:23:08,443 --> 01:23:10,278
And he is already
a righteous asshole.
1842
01:23:10,487 --> 01:23:12,030
Guys, look,
I'm just in love and shit.
1843
01:23:12,113 --> 01:23:14,407
And I've had a lot of
time to sit and realize
1844
01:23:14,574 --> 01:23:16,826
how disgusting both of you are.
1845
01:23:16,910 --> 01:23:18,578
Mostly you, Jason.
MIKEY: What about me?
1846
01:23:18,662 --> 01:23:20,372
You're the worst. You're
pretty disgusting, too.
1847
01:23:20,455 --> 01:23:21,915
You're gross.
I'm a killer.
1848
01:23:22,123 --> 01:23:24,167
What the... Did you...
1849
01:23:24,966 --> 01:23:26,646
Did you post a funny
video on Ellie's wall?
1850
01:23:26,670 --> 01:23:27,962
No.
1851
01:23:28,046 --> 01:23:31,549
Yes, you did, because I'm
looking at it right now, Jason!
1852
01:23:31,633 --> 01:23:33,760
What is it, funny cute?
Or is it just funny?
1853
01:23:33,843 --> 01:23:37,013
It is funny cute!
Jason, you pussy!
1854
01:23:37,097 --> 01:23:38,765
You funny cute videoed her?
1855
01:23:38,848 --> 01:23:40,850
I... Yes. I guess.
I don't freaking know...
1856
01:23:40,975 --> 01:23:42,977
I don't know
what I'm doing, man.
1857
01:23:43,061 --> 01:23:45,021
Hey, man.
I think he loves her.
1858
01:23:45,105 --> 01:23:46,147
I think that's love!
1859
01:23:46,272 --> 01:23:47,315
It sounds like love to me.
1860
01:23:47,399 --> 01:23:48,400
I don't know, man.
I don't know. Maybe I do.
1861
01:23:48,525 --> 01:23:50,086
MIKEY: What do you mean,
you don't know?
1862
01:23:52,844 --> 01:23:54,924
Well, then you have to tell her.
DANIEL: You have to.
1863
01:23:54,948 --> 01:23:56,408
It'll be funny cute.
Maybe I should tell her.
1864
01:23:56,491 --> 01:23:58,868
Which is right up your alley.
You love that shit.
1865
01:23:58,952 --> 01:24:00,787
Ha, ha, ha.
Asshole.
1866
01:24:01,287 --> 01:24:02,997
I don't even know where to...
1867
01:24:03,081 --> 01:24:05,375
What's she doing? Let's stop by her place.
Where's she at right now?
1868
01:24:05,458 --> 01:24:07,699
Third Tuesday of the month.
She's at one of her readings.
1869
01:24:08,420 --> 01:24:10,755
Whoa. That... That was
some stalker shit.
1870
01:24:10,839 --> 01:24:12,048
That's creepy.
1871
01:24:12,132 --> 01:24:13,383
It's creepy that you know that.
1872
01:24:13,466 --> 01:24:14,676
MIKEY: I mean,
does anybody go?
1873
01:24:14,801 --> 01:24:16,052
No! Nobody ever goes.
1874
01:24:16,136 --> 01:24:17,387
DANIEL: Nobody ever shows up?
Nobody.
1875
01:24:17,470 --> 01:24:19,806
Well, then, you are
going to be the guy
1876
01:24:21,307 --> 01:24:23,184
who shows up.
1877
01:24:24,102 --> 01:24:27,731
AUTHOR: "We pounded along, my
father's hand on top of the wheel."
1878
01:24:28,606 --> 01:24:29,858
Nobody ever shows up.
1879
01:24:30,108 --> 01:24:31,109
Yeah.
1880
01:24:31,276 --> 01:24:34,195
"I watched the bats crackle
and plunge against the sky.
1881
01:24:34,446 --> 01:24:35,905
"They never knew here.
1882
01:24:36,364 --> 01:24:39,117
"They only knew
the echo of there."
1883
01:24:39,701 --> 01:24:40,702
Thank you.
1884
01:24:49,002 --> 01:24:50,503
Thank you, Ray Floreson.
1885
01:24:50,670 --> 01:24:51,671
I have to do something.
1886
01:24:51,755 --> 01:24:53,275
ELLIE: Does anybody
have any questions?
1887
01:24:56,176 --> 01:24:57,844
What should I do?
Something.
1888
01:25:00,096 --> 01:25:02,515
Yeah. I have something
that I would like to read.
1889
01:25:04,893 --> 01:25:06,102
From my novel.
1890
01:25:06,436 --> 01:25:07,716
It's not really
the kind of place
1891
01:25:07,729 --> 01:25:08,897
where you can share
from your own work.
1892
01:25:09,022 --> 01:25:11,191
Thank you very much.
Honor to be here.
1893
01:25:11,608 --> 01:25:12,859
This is good.
Um...
1894
01:25:15,779 --> 01:25:16,863
Tough act to follow.
1895
01:25:17,572 --> 01:25:19,032
Then don't.
1896
01:25:20,283 --> 01:25:21,451
I'm a big fan of your work.
1897
01:25:21,618 --> 01:25:23,203
I'm so sorry. I...
1898
01:25:23,703 --> 01:25:24,954
No. Please.
1899
01:25:27,707 --> 01:25:28,917
(SIGHS)
1900
01:25:40,053 --> 01:25:42,639
And then the other guy
asked to buy her a drink,
1901
01:25:42,806 --> 01:25:44,307
right as Jason walked up.
1902
01:25:44,849 --> 01:25:46,100
And so she asked that guy,
1903
01:25:47,393 --> 01:25:49,312
"What happens
if I enjoy the drink?
1904
01:25:50,021 --> 01:25:51,231
"What happens then?"
1905
01:25:52,899 --> 01:25:55,819
And he pretended not to know the answer.
So she told him.
1906
01:25:56,778 --> 01:25:58,780
She asked if they
would play beer pong
1907
01:25:58,947 --> 01:26:00,365
in that shitty bar
with his friends
1908
01:26:00,532 --> 01:26:03,201
until they headed back
to his place in Murray Hill.
1909
01:26:03,910 --> 01:26:06,496
She asked if they'd have to
listen to his roommate
1910
01:26:06,579 --> 01:26:09,749
fuck Hilary or Emily,
or whatever her name was
1911
01:26:10,083 --> 01:26:11,459
till they fell asleep.
1912
01:26:12,585 --> 01:26:14,504
And she asked him
if a year later,
1913
01:26:14,629 --> 01:26:16,548
they'd still be
there in that bar.
1914
01:26:17,924 --> 01:26:21,594
The only difference being that now
he feels pressure to get married
1915
01:26:22,136 --> 01:26:25,473
and have kids, because he thinks
that that's what she wants.
1916
01:26:27,267 --> 01:26:28,810
And then in the summers,
1917
01:26:29,269 --> 01:26:31,104
they would drive up
to the shitty Hamptons.
1918
01:26:32,814 --> 01:26:35,066
To meet his shitty parents.
1919
01:26:35,358 --> 01:26:38,111
Wondering the entire ride if they'd
think that she was pretty enough.
1920
01:26:39,279 --> 01:26:40,363
Smart.
1921
01:26:40,655 --> 01:26:43,157
Wondering the entire ride if
they think she's smart enough.
1922
01:26:44,158 --> 01:26:45,368
Because no one was.
1923
01:26:45,535 --> 01:26:47,370
And no one ever will be.
1924
01:26:53,668 --> 01:26:55,378
And Jason knew that now.
1925
01:26:57,297 --> 01:27:01,467
And he would give anything
to go back to that moment.
1926
01:27:03,553 --> 01:27:07,390
The moment where they first met.
Before anything went wrong.
1927
01:27:08,725 --> 01:27:13,897
Before he didn't show up for
her when she needed him most.
1928
01:27:14,981 --> 01:27:17,066
Before he understood that
being there for somebody
1929
01:27:17,233 --> 01:27:20,612
when it's most difficult is really
all that relationships are.
1930
01:27:22,322 --> 01:27:23,823
Jason knew that now.
1931
01:27:25,867 --> 01:27:29,996
And he was so sorry
for what he had done.
1932
01:27:35,251 --> 01:27:37,545
But Jason also realized
that in that moment,
1933
01:27:38,254 --> 01:27:41,382
he wasn't afraid, because he
1934
01:27:43,635 --> 01:27:45,470
thought she wasn't the one.
1935
01:27:47,847 --> 01:27:51,309
He was absolutely terrified,
because he knew she was.
1936
01:27:55,563 --> 01:27:58,900
And if she could give him
just one more chance,
1937
01:28:01,736 --> 01:28:03,571
just one more chance,
1938
01:28:06,324 --> 01:28:07,909
she knew where to find him.
1939
01:28:42,860 --> 01:28:45,989
JASON: It's 2:18 in the morning
in the middle of February.
1940
01:28:46,823 --> 01:28:49,826
I've been sitting on a park
bench for almost four hours.
1941
01:28:52,161 --> 01:28:54,414
I'm fucking freezing.
1942
01:28:55,915 --> 01:28:57,667
Why am I sitting here?
1943
01:28:58,835 --> 01:29:01,212
Why am I still
sitting on this bench?
1944
01:29:07,927 --> 01:29:10,263
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1945
01:29:37,165 --> 01:29:38,958
So?
1946
01:29:39,625 --> 01:29:41,669
(UPBEAT MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)
1947
01:29:49,635 --> 01:29:50,970
(MEN LAUGHING)
1948
01:29:51,804 --> 01:29:53,806
I didn't know you
could change colors!
1949
01:29:53,931 --> 01:29:54,932
Just stop.
(COUGHS)
1950
01:29:55,016 --> 01:29:57,060
Your dick looks
like a sad giraffe.
1951
01:29:57,268 --> 01:29:59,187
Your dick looks like a
shaved hamster. Stop.
1952
01:29:59,270 --> 01:30:00,271
Can you guys STOP?
1953
01:30:00,605 --> 01:30:04,108
Your dick looks like my dick
1954
01:30:04,484 --> 01:30:07,987
if it were bigger and blacker.
1955
01:30:09,489 --> 01:30:10,656
(ALL LAUGHING)
1956
01:30:11,282 --> 01:30:12,283
DIRECTOR: Cut!
1957
01:30:13,201 --> 01:30:16,537
Did you friend
that girl yet, Mikey?
1958
01:30:17,330 --> 01:30:18,456
(PLATE SHATTERING)
1959
01:30:19,916 --> 01:30:21,042
(DANIEL SINGING HAVA NAG/LA)
1960
01:30:21,328 --> 01:30:22,728
Yeah. I told that
assistant at Vogue
1961
01:30:22,752 --> 01:30:25,505
I couldn't hang out with her
'cause I was taking a shit.
1962
01:30:26,172 --> 01:30:28,841
Whoa. Look at that fucking
crazy bruise on my arm.
1963
01:30:29,008 --> 01:30:30,468
You see that bruise?
1964
01:30:32,178 --> 01:30:33,805
It's from fucking acting, bro.
1965
01:30:33,888 --> 01:30:34,889
Yeah.
1966
01:30:35,014 --> 01:30:36,099
Fuck you up.
1967
01:30:36,307 --> 01:30:39,268
Wait, I'm fucking this up. Can
we just do this one more time?
1968
01:30:39,852 --> 01:30:40,853
DIRECTOR: Let it go.
1969
01:30:41,020 --> 01:30:43,272
DANIEL: It's 'cause you're holding
your imaginary dick the whole time.
1970
01:30:43,356 --> 01:30:45,066
That might be it.
Can I just whip it out?
1971
01:30:45,149 --> 01:30:47,485
Mike, we all know you're a two-hander.
So just, you know...
1972
01:30:47,568 --> 01:30:49,779
Oh, shit. He knows me.
1973
01:30:50,279 --> 01:30:53,282
That's not a nipple. That's not my...
That's a fake.
1974
01:30:53,366 --> 01:30:54,784
That's a sticker. I don't
have nipples like that.
1975
01:30:55,118 --> 01:30:57,912
So maybe I'm the best ever
receiving blowjob... Ever.
1976
01:30:58,079 --> 01:31:00,706
At receiving.
Fucking mother sucker.
1977
01:31:00,957 --> 01:31:04,001
So maybe I'm the best ever
at receiving blow...
1978
01:31:04,127 --> 01:31:05,461
DIRECTOR: There are no
"evers" in the whole thing.
1979
01:31:05,545 --> 01:31:06,546
What?
1980
01:31:06,629 --> 01:31:08,297
Can we just write it
on her fucking head?
1981
01:31:08,381 --> 01:31:09,966
Maybe I'm the best ever.
1982
01:31:10,049 --> 01:31:11,050
No. No "ever."
1983
01:31:11,175 --> 01:31:14,345
Probably gave me
the best blowjob ever,
1984
01:31:14,470 --> 01:31:17,640
in the recorded
history of blowjobs.
1985
01:31:17,723 --> 01:31:19,058
(LAUGHING)
1986
01:31:19,642 --> 01:31:22,645
DIRECTOR: "And she gave me perhaps the
best blowjob in recorded history."
1987
01:31:22,937 --> 01:31:24,564
There's no "ever."
1988
01:31:24,647 --> 01:31:26,023
(CREW LAUGHING)
1989
01:31:27,066 --> 01:31:28,317
What are you doing?
1990
01:31:28,401 --> 01:31:29,861
I ain't doing nothing.
1991
01:31:29,986 --> 01:31:30,987
Yes, you are.
1992
01:31:31,070 --> 01:31:34,198
I promise. I'm acting
satisfied. Okay? Jeez.
1993
01:31:34,365 --> 01:31:35,533
Oh, God.
1994
01:31:35,992 --> 01:31:36,993
"Doing the thing"?
1995
01:31:37,076 --> 01:31:38,286
Yeah, I miss that.
And I'm not gonna
1996
01:31:38,411 --> 01:31:39,662
be able to do that
if I'm with Chelsea.
1997
01:31:39,745 --> 01:31:42,582
I'm gonna miss, like,
sharing a mouth with you.
1998
01:31:45,168 --> 01:31:46,711
I miss that so much, man.
1999
01:31:49,422 --> 01:31:51,132
Oh, there's the paparazzi!
2000
01:31:51,340 --> 01:31:52,341
No way!
2001
01:31:53,843 --> 01:31:56,679
Oh, my God! They're not
even pointed at Miles!
2002
01:31:56,929 --> 01:31:57,972
Asshole!
2003
01:31:58,139 --> 01:31:59,682
Nobody cares about me, bro!
2004
01:32:00,057 --> 01:32:01,100
Aw!
2005
01:32:01,642 --> 01:32:03,978
I might be really fucked up.
2006
01:32:04,645 --> 01:32:08,691
But I think Omar from The
Wire is sitting on our couch.
2007
01:32:13,237 --> 01:32:15,156
DIRECTOR: It's him! It's him!
(ELLIE SCREAMS)
2008
01:32:15,364 --> 01:32:16,949
(ALL CHEERING)
2009
01:32:20,870 --> 01:32:21,871
Yes!