WEBVTT
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Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM
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Hey, Kantmiss!
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I am the great
and powerful--
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Aah!
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Dale!
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Just wanted
to surprise you.
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You made me miss my shot.
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Ow.
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Son of a bitch!
My back!
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Look what I got.
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Is it real?
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Ohh!
Psych!
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It's gag bread!
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Look at you.
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Right.
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You know...
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we could run away
from here.
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We could live
someplace else.
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Like where?
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Anywhere that's
better than here.
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Darfur. Syria.
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New Jersey.
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Dale, that's--that's
romantic and all...
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but I can't leave
my sister.
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I can't leave either.
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My dear, old grandma
depends on me to feed her.
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God, I am never
having kids.
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I mean, how can
you raise a child
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in a world
where they televise
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all of life's misery and
inhumanity and then pass it off
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as some sort of twisted
entertainment?
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"The Hunger Games."
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"16 and Pregnant."
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Good morning,
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hungry citizens
of District 12.
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In today's news,
we still have no food,
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and the weather
will be shitty.
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Oh, and don't forget,
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today is
the Gathering Ceremony,
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so, parents, please bring
your beloved children
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to the square
for a random death lottery.
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Thank you.
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I heard that some kids
are so afraid
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of getting picked
for the Games
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that they'll actually
try to get disqualified
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by injuring or
maiming themselves.
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That's an urban legend.
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Uhh!
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Get in line.
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Oh, come on,
bitch.
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Ipso facto p--
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Your movie franchise
is over.
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Get back in line.
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Get back in line.
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Bloody dick.
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Hey, no talking.
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Keep it moving.
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I gotta find my sister.
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Good luck.
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Petunia.
Kantmiss.
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Hey, Mom.
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I'm scared, Kantmiss.
I'm scared.
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Hey, hey, don't be.
I got you this.
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It's the most courageous bird
that there is...
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a chicken.
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When you wear this,
nothing bad can happen to you.
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Shh. Shh.
No, don't cry.
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You're gonna
be fine, okay?
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I promise.
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Keep moving.
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Line up!
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Girls on the right.
Boys on the left!
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Welcome to the 75th annual
Starving Games.
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Oh. Oh! Ohh!
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Hey.
Ohh!
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But that was
my sausage!
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And now a video
from our esteemed leader,
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President Snowballs.
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He once killed
his own mother...
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because she forgot to cut
the crust off his PB&J.
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His only Facebook friend
is Mel Gibson.
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He has an online blog
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that gives away
the endings of movies
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without ever using the
disclaimer "spoiler alert."
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What?
He is...
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the most terrible man
in the world.
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I don't always like beer,
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but when I want one,
I choose Tres Equis.
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Tastes like piss water.
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Aah!
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Every year, I make you
watch this video,
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because, well,
you're dumb.
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People forget
how in the past
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shit really hit the fan.
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Corporations got too big,
and people lost trust.
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They staged sit-ins.
They rioted.
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You elected Lady Gaga
as President
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and her running mate
Nicki Minaj.
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That's why we wear
these kooky clothes now
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and have bizarre hairdos.
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Then I took over
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and separated the country
into districts
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so that stupid shit
never happened again.
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Aah!
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You've proven that democracy
doesn't work,
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and I'm here, in my sixth
self-proclaimed term,
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to ensure that all free will
is expunged,
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never to rear
its ugly head again.
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Yes, that brings us
to today.
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Just to prove what
a sick, sadistic prick I am
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and how you have
no control...
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and admittedly after
watching "The Running Man"
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and the Japanese
cult hit "Battle Royale,"
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I came up with
the Starving Games.
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Two kids from each district
are selected
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to play a game to the death
with only one survivor.
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The winner is to be
showered with a bounty,
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including an old ham...
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Oh, I love old ham.
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this coupon to Subway--
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buy any foot-long
for a six-inch price--
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and...
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a partially eaten pickle.
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So happy Starving Games,
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and may the odds be
never in your favor.
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A President Snowballs
production.
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Now let the gathering
begin! Ahem.
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Hugh Janus.
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Hmm?
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No? Yeah. All right.
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I'll pick again. Heh.
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Phil Mahooters.
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Please, Phil Mahooters?
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Dean Gullberry.
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Everyone look around.
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Check behind you
for a Dean Gullberry.
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This is being televised
around the country!
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You won't be laughing
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when two of you are picked
and thrown into the arena
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for your
most certain deaths.
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Ahem.
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It's okay.
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Petunia Evershot.
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Whoo!
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Yes! Yes!
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I didn't get picked.
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Hoo-whoo!
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Hoo! Whoo! Yeah!
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Whoo! Come on!
Gimme some.
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Yeah. One more.
Oh! Whew.
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But I got picked.
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Petunia, I am so sorry.
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Petunia, no. Not fair.
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Do not give me
those puppy-dog eyes.
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I volunteer!
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Oh.
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I volunteer
for the Starving Games!
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Thanks, big sis.
159
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Oh! If you never make it
back from the Games,
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can I eat
your pet hamster?
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What?
162
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Come, dear.
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Now let's pick a boy to
join you in the games.
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I volunteer also!
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Who said that?
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I did.
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I'm Peter Malarkey.
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Oh.
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Hey, Kantmiss.
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I volunteered
because I like you,
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a lot, and I--
I'm sorry.
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Do I know you?
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Um...
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I'm--I'm the baker's son.
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I once fed you
when you were hungry.
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Oh, right.
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You gave me
that walnut bread.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I have a severe
nut allergy,
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and I almost died.
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Let's hear it for
our contestants!
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And don't forget to tune in
to the Starving Games
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00:11:25.295 --> 00:11:28.429
after the season finale
of "Downton Abbey."
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Can't we say
our goodbyes?
186
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Of course, dear.
187
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The Capital isn't
completely inhumane.
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You got 9 seconds.
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Petunia!
Kantmiss!
190
00:11:41.610 --> 00:11:43.377
Don't worry. You're in
good hands with Mom.
191
00:11:50.819 --> 00:11:53.020
What's up with
that Peter dude?
192
00:11:53.022 --> 00:11:53.954
What?
193
00:11:53.956 --> 00:11:55.723
I mean he's
a total dork, right?
194
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How much do you
think he benches?
195
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Uh...
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Time's up!
197
00:12:03.532 --> 00:12:04.932
Dale!
Yeah?
198
00:12:04.934 --> 00:12:06.667
Promise me you'll
take care of Petunia!
199
00:12:06.669 --> 00:12:09.437
I will,
Kantmiss.
200
00:12:09.439 --> 00:12:10.938
I promise.
201
00:12:10.940 --> 00:12:12.440
Wait!
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00:12:12.442 --> 00:12:13.441
Later.
203
00:12:16.278 --> 00:12:18.145
Shitheads.
204
00:12:32.327 --> 00:12:33.394
The Nike Swoosh?
205
00:12:33.396 --> 00:12:34.795
Yes, I started selling
206
00:12:34.797 --> 00:12:36.163
advertising space
on my face.
207
00:12:36.165 --> 00:12:37.965
Your willingness to sell
out and whore yourself
208
00:12:37.967 --> 00:12:39.967
is the primary reason I
made you head programmer.
209
00:12:39.969 --> 00:12:41.102
Thank you, Mr. President.
210
00:12:41.104 --> 00:12:43.204
How is
the big TV show looking?
211
00:12:43.206 --> 00:12:45.806
Fantastic. We've replaced Charlie
Sheen with Ashton Kutcher,
212
00:12:45.808 --> 00:12:47.875
and no one really
seems to give a shit.
213
00:12:49.010 --> 00:12:50.544
And the Starving Games?
214
00:12:50.546 --> 00:12:51.812
It's gonna be
a great show.
215
00:12:51.814 --> 00:12:54.081
We have some
very interesting contestants,
216
00:12:54.083 --> 00:12:56.584
with 2 volunteers
from District 12.
217
00:12:56.586 --> 00:12:58.119
Volunteers.
218
00:12:58.121 --> 00:12:59.720
R-O-T-F-L-O-L.
219
00:12:59.722 --> 00:13:01.389
And because
you made it law
220
00:13:01.391 --> 00:13:04.058
that whoever doesn't watch the
Games would be publicly flogged,
221
00:13:04.060 --> 00:13:05.659
we're expecting
record high ratings.
222
00:13:05.661 --> 00:13:07.395
Well, after
last years debacle,
223
00:13:07.397 --> 00:13:08.896
I really had no choice.
224
00:13:08.898 --> 00:13:11.632
"Celebrity Starving
Games" was a lousy idea.
225
00:13:11.634 --> 00:13:13.401
No one
could have anticipated
226
00:13:13.403 --> 00:13:15.369
that Oprah would eat
all the other contestants.
227
00:13:18.173 --> 00:13:20.374
I want this game to go
off without a hitch.
228
00:13:20.376 --> 00:13:21.776
I don't want
some underdog
229
00:13:21.778 --> 00:13:25.146
from a poor district to enter the
Games and stir up the masses
230
00:13:25.148 --> 00:13:27.214
with her archery skills
and her brunette hair
231
00:13:27.216 --> 00:13:29.216
fashioned into a
trademark single braid,
232
00:13:29.218 --> 00:13:31.819
inspiring revolt which will not
only overthrows my presidency,
233
00:13:31.821 --> 00:13:33.954
but also spawns
a successful
234
00:13:33.956 --> 00:13:35.423
four-quadrant
blockbuster.
235
00:13:38.093 --> 00:13:40.194
Ohh!
236
00:13:41.696 --> 00:13:43.831
And I may need
a new gardener.
237
00:13:43.833 --> 00:13:46.100
I'm Stanley Ceaserman,
and this is
238
00:13:46.102 --> 00:13:49.637
"The Starving Games
Countdown Show!"
239
00:13:58.580 --> 00:14:00.314
Tomorrow, the Games begin,
240
00:14:00.316 --> 00:14:02.750
but tonight, we're going
to meet the contestants.
241
00:14:02.752 --> 00:14:03.918
You'll get to know them
242
00:14:03.920 --> 00:14:05.386
through their
touching backstories,
243
00:14:05.388 --> 00:14:07.922
where we'll manipulate you
with heavily edited
244
00:14:07.924 --> 00:14:10.491
home video footage
and tragic testimonials.
245
00:14:10.493 --> 00:14:13.861
Then, when you're emotionally
attached to them,
246
00:14:13.863 --> 00:14:16.597
we'll send them off
to their horrific slaughter.
247
00:14:18.935 --> 00:14:20.835
Let's meet
our first contestant.
248
00:14:20.837 --> 00:14:22.736
Going in order
from District One,
249
00:14:22.738 --> 00:14:24.939
he's the odds-on favorite
to win this thing.
250
00:14:24.941 --> 00:14:26.974
He's blond. He's Waspy.
251
00:14:26.976 --> 00:14:29.477
He's the Aryan youth
incarnate.
252
00:14:29.479 --> 00:14:32.913
He's Marco!
253
00:14:40.055 --> 00:14:41.355
Yeah!
254
00:14:41.357 --> 00:14:43.858
Ahh! Yeah!
255
00:14:46.795 --> 00:14:48.896
Hello, guy.
256
00:14:48.898 --> 00:14:50.531
Tell us
about yourself.
257
00:14:50.533 --> 00:14:53.167
I'm from District One.
It's a prime district.
258
00:14:53.169 --> 00:14:53.968
Who are you?
259
00:14:53.970 --> 00:14:55.236
I'm Cinnamon,
260
00:14:55.238 --> 00:14:56.904
your stylist.
261
00:14:56.906 --> 00:14:58.239
How are you
holding up?
262
00:14:58.241 --> 00:14:59.740
I'm scared.
263
00:14:59.742 --> 00:15:01.542
I don't want to die.
264
00:15:01.544 --> 00:15:03.410
Ahh. I'm here
to tell you
265
00:15:03.412 --> 00:15:04.812
that I
believe in you.
266
00:15:04.814 --> 00:15:05.813
You can win this.
267
00:15:05.815 --> 00:15:07.248
I looked
at your records,
268
00:15:07.250 --> 00:15:10.217
and you are smarter and
craftier than all of them.
269
00:15:10.219 --> 00:15:12.553
Really? You think
that I can win?
270
00:15:12.555 --> 00:15:14.255
Yes, Patricia.
271
00:15:14.257 --> 00:15:15.556
I know it.
272
00:15:15.558 --> 00:15:16.557
Who's Patricia?
273
00:15:18.761 --> 00:15:20.794
You're not the girl
from District Three?
274
00:15:20.796 --> 00:15:23.197
No, I'm from
District 12.
275
00:15:30.005 --> 00:15:31.906
You know, this is
perfectly normal.
276
00:15:31.908 --> 00:15:34.642
You seem like you strong--
277
00:15:37.145 --> 00:15:41.248
And now, from District 12,
Peter Malarkey.
278
00:15:43.386 --> 00:15:47.288
So, Peter, tell us,
279
00:15:47.290 --> 00:15:50.925
is there a special
someone in your life?
280
00:15:53.228 --> 00:15:54.295
Yeah.
281
00:15:55.664 --> 00:15:56.730
Yeah, there is someone.
282
00:15:56.732 --> 00:15:59.166
Aww.
Aww.
283
00:15:59.168 --> 00:16:00.968
Ohh.
284
00:16:00.970 --> 00:16:03.304
Well, do tell.
285
00:16:03.306 --> 00:16:05.673
The person's
actually here tonight,
286
00:16:05.675 --> 00:16:08.442
a person who is...
287
00:16:08.444 --> 00:16:10.678
also in the Games.
288
00:16:10.680 --> 00:16:11.979
In the Games with you?
289
00:16:11.981 --> 00:16:14.348
Aww.
Aww.
290
00:16:17.586 --> 00:16:20.621
Well, go on.
291
00:16:20.623 --> 00:16:22.289
Well...
292
00:16:22.291 --> 00:16:24.191
it's a person
I've been wanting
293
00:16:24.193 --> 00:16:26.527
to get closer to
for a long time.
294
00:16:26.529 --> 00:16:28.329
You son of a bitch.
295
00:16:29.497 --> 00:16:30.497
So...
296
00:16:30.499 --> 00:16:31.999
tall,
297
00:16:32.001 --> 00:16:33.834
with beautiful eyes
298
00:16:33.836 --> 00:16:36.804
and a smoking
hot bod, but...
299
00:16:36.806 --> 00:16:39.239
you know,
more than anything,
300
00:16:39.241 --> 00:16:40.941
this person's
got a lot of heart.
301
00:16:40.943 --> 00:16:42.376
Aww.
Aww.
302
00:16:42.378 --> 00:16:44.712
Well, you must tell us.
Who is it?
303
00:16:50.785 --> 00:16:52.853
It's Marco!
304
00:16:52.855 --> 00:16:54.722
Me?
305
00:16:54.724 --> 00:16:56.290
Heh.
306
00:16:56.292 --> 00:16:57.091
Huh?
Huh?
307
00:17:00.161 --> 00:17:01.362
Let's hear it
for Peter.
308
00:17:07.636 --> 00:17:08.869
You little shit!
309
00:17:08.871 --> 00:17:11.305
I'm gonna stick
a foot in your ass!
310
00:17:11.307 --> 00:17:14.008
Ohh! Jeez.
311
00:17:14.010 --> 00:17:15.476
What the hell
was that about?
312
00:17:15.478 --> 00:17:17.378
It's called
building an alliance.
313
00:17:18.714 --> 00:17:21.815
Haven't you ever watched
"Survivor" or "Big Brother"?
314
00:17:21.817 --> 00:17:23.684
- Aah!
- When's--
315
00:17:23.686 --> 00:17:26.353
When was the last time
you trimmed your toenails?
316
00:17:29.824 --> 00:17:31.091
Ohh.
317
00:17:32.360 --> 00:17:35.496
And now, for our
final contestant,
318
00:17:35.498 --> 00:17:36.797
from District 12,
319
00:17:36.799 --> 00:17:39.033
Kantmiss Evershot.
320
00:17:39.834 --> 00:17:40.868
Whoo!
321
00:17:40.870 --> 00:17:42.403
Let's take a look.
322
00:17:42.405 --> 00:17:45.105
Kantmiss is the best
big sister in the world.
323
00:17:45.107 --> 00:17:49.209
She takes care of me.
She feeds me. She clothes me.
324
00:17:49.211 --> 00:17:51.245
She even reads to me.
325
00:17:53.715 --> 00:17:55.883
Ever since Dad died,
326
00:17:55.885 --> 00:17:58.452
Mom's been
a little bummed out,
327
00:17:58.454 --> 00:18:02.489
but that doesn't stop the three of
us from having a whole lot of fun.
328
00:18:05.460 --> 00:18:09.229
From the first time
I saw Kantmiss, I knew.
329
00:18:09.231 --> 00:18:11.699
I knew she was
the one for me.
330
00:18:11.701 --> 00:18:13.934
She's got class.
331
00:18:13.936 --> 00:18:16.537
She's a real lady.
332
00:18:18.974 --> 00:18:20.741
Oh, my God.
333
00:18:27.083 --> 00:18:29.683
Ohh!
Oh, my God.
334
00:18:31.454 --> 00:18:32.720
Ohh!
Ohh!
335
00:18:33.722 --> 00:18:35.122
Isn't that
just touching?
336
00:18:35.124 --> 00:18:36.757
Aww.
Aww.
337
00:18:36.759 --> 00:18:38.258
Let's bring her out,
shall we?
338
00:18:40.896 --> 00:18:42.930
Kantmiss Evershot!
339
00:18:49.537 --> 00:18:52.706
So, Kantmiss,
that's quite a dress.
340
00:18:52.708 --> 00:18:54.141
Give us a little spin.
341
00:18:59.614 --> 00:19:01.582
Heh. Go on.
342
00:19:01.584 --> 00:19:02.649
Don't be shy.
343
00:19:09.258 --> 00:19:11.759
Very nice.
344
00:19:11.761 --> 00:19:12.860
Oh.
345
00:19:16.564 --> 00:19:18.899
Wow, I'm getting word
that flames
346
00:19:18.901 --> 00:19:20.801
actually ignite
from the dress.
347
00:19:20.803 --> 00:19:21.902
Flames?
348
00:19:27.977 --> 00:19:29.409
Oh! ! Oh!
349
00:19:29.411 --> 00:19:30.944
- Oh, my God.
- Oh,.
350
00:19:30.946 --> 00:19:32.780
Oh, . Aah!
351
00:19:34.250 --> 00:19:36.683
Why are you clapping,
you stupid?!
352
00:19:36.685 --> 00:19:38.085
Aah!
353
00:19:38.087 --> 00:19:39.820
- I'm on fire!
- I'm on fire!
354
00:19:39.822 --> 00:19:43.090
Let's hear it for Kantmiss,
the girl on fire!
355
00:19:43.092 --> 00:19:44.825
Ah,!
It's on fire!
356
00:19:44.827 --> 00:19:46.193
It's on fire! It burns!
357
00:19:46.195 --> 00:19:48.562
I'm on fire!!
358
00:19:50.899 --> 00:19:52.432
Good morning, sport fans,
359
00:19:52.434 --> 00:19:55.169
and welcome to the 75th
annual Starving Games.
360
00:19:55.171 --> 00:19:56.804
I'm your host Bob Hylox,
361
00:19:56.806 --> 00:19:58.372
and with me is my sidekick
362
00:19:58.374 --> 00:20:01.008
and color commentator,
Cleaver Williams.
363
00:20:01.010 --> 00:20:02.109
Cleaver, how you doing?
364
00:20:02.111 --> 00:20:03.577
Excited about
today's Games?
365
00:20:06.181 --> 00:20:07.614
Fantastic.
366
00:20:07.616 --> 00:20:10.150
Cleaver is a past
Games winner, of course.
367
00:20:10.152 --> 00:20:12.219
In fact, Cleaver,
why don't you tell everybody
368
00:20:12.221 --> 00:20:13.453
in the district watching,
369
00:20:13.455 --> 00:20:15.489
how you got
that delightful nickname.
370
00:20:15.491 --> 00:20:18.192
I used a meat cleaver
to kill everyone.
371
00:20:21.162 --> 00:20:23.831
Still got the old moves.
372
00:20:26.268 --> 00:20:28.101
Hello, Siri.
373
00:20:28.103 --> 00:20:29.403
Hello, Seleca.
374
00:20:29.405 --> 00:20:31.004
How's it hanging, boo?
375
00:20:31.006 --> 00:20:32.005
Low and to the left.
376
00:20:32.007 --> 00:20:35.342
Good one.
377
00:20:35.344 --> 00:20:37.244
All right.
Looks like the contestants
378
00:20:37.246 --> 00:20:38.378
have taken the field.
379
00:20:38.380 --> 00:20:40.314
All right, Siri,
cut to the field.
380
00:20:55.496 --> 00:20:58.599
Say your prayers, my son,
'cause you are dead.
381
00:21:02.503 --> 00:21:04.872
And the countdown
has begun.
382
00:21:04.874 --> 00:21:06.573
30,
383
00:21:06.575 --> 00:21:08.275
29...
384
00:21:08.277 --> 00:21:10.477
Oh, God.
28...
385
00:21:12.580 --> 00:21:13.714
27...
386
00:21:13.716 --> 00:21:14.748
Hmm?
387
00:21:14.750 --> 00:21:16.650
26...
388
00:21:17.752 --> 00:21:18.785
25...
389
00:21:20.856 --> 00:21:22.923
24,
390
00:21:22.925 --> 00:21:24.825
23,
391
00:21:24.827 --> 00:21:27.427
22...
392
00:21:28.696 --> 00:21:29.796
21...
393
00:21:29.798 --> 00:21:31.231
Now, it's very important
394
00:21:31.233 --> 00:21:32.733
that the contestants
don't move
395
00:21:32.735 --> 00:21:35.269
off the silver circles
before zero.
396
00:21:35.271 --> 00:21:37.004
Otherwise, kablammo,
397
00:21:37.006 --> 00:21:40.474
as the field is booby-trapped
with explosives.
398
00:21:40.476 --> 00:21:42.242
Don't need to remind me.
399
00:21:42.244 --> 00:21:44.845
I went too soon, and I
still can't poop right.
400
00:21:46.814 --> 00:21:48.849
How 'bout that?
401
00:21:50.151 --> 00:21:51.885
13,
402
00:21:51.887 --> 00:21:52.886
12...
403
00:21:54.622 --> 00:21:55.522
11...
Huh?
404
00:21:59.061 --> 00:22:00.460
What are you
doing here?
405
00:22:00.462 --> 00:22:01.962
We were asked
to perform
406
00:22:01.964 --> 00:22:03.096
at the opening
ceremony.
407
00:22:03.098 --> 00:22:05.165
This is the arena.
408
00:22:05.167 --> 00:22:07.868
Oh, you're looking
for stage two.
409
00:22:09.838 --> 00:22:11.905
Oh. Thanks.
Thanks.
410
00:22:17.879 --> 00:22:18.879
Oops.
411
00:22:21.550 --> 00:22:25.252
Wow! What a way
to start the Games!
412
00:22:25.254 --> 00:22:27.254
10,
413
00:22:27.256 --> 00:22:28.755
9...
414
00:22:30.458 --> 00:22:31.725
8...
415
00:22:32.894 --> 00:22:34.494
7...
416
00:22:35.763 --> 00:22:37.497
6,
417
00:22:37.499 --> 00:22:39.366
5...
418
00:22:40.535 --> 00:22:41.601
4...
419
00:22:42.603 --> 00:22:43.603
3...
420
00:22:45.840 --> 00:22:47.174
2...
421
00:22:47.176 --> 00:22:48.675
1.
422
00:23:06.261 --> 00:23:07.995
Siri, more blood.
423
00:23:11.199 --> 00:23:12.199
Oh.
424
00:23:14.136 --> 00:23:15.435
Much better.
425
00:23:31.686 --> 00:23:32.486
Ooh!
Ooh!
426
00:23:38.227 --> 00:23:40.994
Yeah, Marco! Yeah!
427
00:23:53.274 --> 00:23:54.408
Let go!
428
00:23:54.410 --> 00:23:55.609
I got here first!
429
00:23:57.512 --> 00:23:59.346
Yaah!
Now give it to me!
430
00:23:59.348 --> 00:24:00.680
No. I'm not letting go.
431
00:24:00.682 --> 00:24:02.249
There is a dagger
in your back!
432
00:24:02.251 --> 00:24:03.917
I'm okay!
433
00:24:06.788 --> 00:24:07.921
What?
434
00:24:09.223 --> 00:24:10.223
It's fine.
435
00:24:10.225 --> 00:24:12.626
It's fine?
436
00:24:12.628 --> 00:24:14.394
Seriously?
You're not letting go?
437
00:24:14.396 --> 00:24:15.695
I want this backpack!
438
00:24:26.107 --> 00:24:28.308
I want this backpack!
439
00:24:28.310 --> 00:24:30.777
I want it. It's mine!
440
00:24:31.879 --> 00:24:33.080
I'm not letting go!
441
00:24:36.150 --> 00:24:37.851
That was my backpack!
442
00:24:47.362 --> 00:24:48.562
What was that sound?
443
00:24:48.564 --> 00:24:49.996
It's the cannon.
They shoot it off
444
00:24:49.998 --> 00:24:51.465
to announce whenever
someone is killed.
445
00:24:51.467 --> 00:24:52.766
Nice.
Looks like the odds
446
00:24:52.768 --> 00:24:54.267
just got better
for me, then.
447
00:24:55.504 --> 00:24:56.970
My balls!
448
00:24:58.439 --> 00:25:02.142
Oh! That has
got to hurt.
449
00:25:02.144 --> 00:25:03.610
Let's see
an instant replay.
450
00:25:03.612 --> 00:25:05.879
My balls!
451
00:25:07.449 --> 00:25:09.916
My balls!
452
00:25:09.918 --> 00:25:11.051
My balls!
453
00:25:12.287 --> 00:25:13.520
My ball--
454
00:25:13.522 --> 00:25:16.423
My ball--
My--My ball--
455
00:25:16.425 --> 00:25:18.792
My ball--
456
00:25:18.794 --> 00:25:22.129
My balls!
457
00:25:23.531 --> 00:25:25.599
That makes me
laugh, Bob.
458
00:25:52.393 --> 00:25:54.060
Get away from me!
459
00:26:09.377 --> 00:26:10.577
Wow!
460
00:26:11.747 --> 00:26:12.879
Who is this girl?
461
00:26:12.881 --> 00:26:14.548
What district
is she from?
462
00:26:14.550 --> 00:26:18.118
I'm standing here
in scummy District 12,
463
00:26:18.120 --> 00:26:21.421
where people can't believe
that Peter and Kantmiss
464
00:26:21.423 --> 00:26:23.823
have actually survived
the opening.
465
00:26:23.825 --> 00:26:25.859
You can see
the excitement is high,
466
00:26:25.861 --> 00:26:30.263
as no one from this district
has won in a very long time.
467
00:26:30.265 --> 00:26:31.498
Yeah!
Unh!
468
00:26:31.500 --> 00:26:33.500
Go, Kantmiss! Whoo!
469
00:26:33.502 --> 00:26:34.568
That's my girl!
470
00:26:34.570 --> 00:26:36.736
That's my girl!
471
00:26:36.738 --> 00:26:38.405
Yeah!
472
00:26:38.407 --> 00:26:40.473
Back to you
in the studio.
473
00:26:40.475 --> 00:26:41.975
I'm on TV!
474
00:26:41.977 --> 00:26:43.476
Thanks, Stanley.
475
00:26:43.478 --> 00:26:44.744
And how's the scoreboard
looking, Cleaver?
476
00:26:48.282 --> 00:26:49.916
Got a lot
of people dead.
477
00:26:49.918 --> 00:26:52.419
Still,
lot of people alive.
478
00:26:52.421 --> 00:26:53.853
Enlightening.
479
00:26:53.855 --> 00:26:56.323
Oh, looks like Kantmiss
is making her way
480
00:26:56.325 --> 00:26:58.191
to the outer edge
of the arena.
481
00:27:00.361 --> 00:27:02.329
Siri, slow her down.
482
00:27:08.769 --> 00:27:10.136
Ow.
483
00:27:10.138 --> 00:27:12.973
Now let's get Kantmiss back
to the center of the action.
484
00:27:12.975 --> 00:27:14.107
Holla!
485
00:27:14.109 --> 00:27:16.576
And cue the thrilling
action music.
486
00:27:16.578 --> 00:27:18.445
Ooh.
487
00:27:51.279 --> 00:27:52.279
Hmm.
488
00:28:09.730 --> 00:28:12.132
Oh, you want
to play, huh? Okay.
489
00:28:12.134 --> 00:28:13.400
Siri.
490
00:28:13.402 --> 00:28:14.401
Yeah, what you need?
491
00:28:14.403 --> 00:28:15.435
Attack her
with the latest
492
00:28:15.437 --> 00:28:17.003
technological weaponry
we have.
493
00:28:21.375 --> 00:28:23.443
Whoo-hah!
494
00:28:23.445 --> 00:28:24.577
Oh, shit!
495
00:28:24.579 --> 00:28:28.315
Yah! Whee hee hee!
496
00:28:28.317 --> 00:28:29.949
Hee hee hee!
497
00:28:59.313 --> 00:29:00.447
No.
498
00:29:00.449 --> 00:29:01.948
What? What?
499
00:29:01.950 --> 00:29:04.284
Orange you glad
to see me?
500
00:29:04.286 --> 00:29:06.052
Hey, hey, hey!
501
00:29:06.054 --> 00:29:08.288
What do you get
when you cross an orange
502
00:29:08.290 --> 00:29:09.889
with Quentin Tarantino?
503
00:29:09.891 --> 00:29:11.624
"Pulp Fiction."
You get it?
504
00:29:11.626 --> 00:29:14.227
Pulp.
505
00:29:14.229 --> 00:29:15.662
Hey, Kantmiss,
506
00:29:15.664 --> 00:29:17.130
last time I saw
tits that small,
507
00:29:17.132 --> 00:29:19.299
I was staring
at a pair of kumquats.
508
00:29:20.369 --> 00:29:22.202
Aah!
509
00:29:28.175 --> 00:29:29.709
Go, Kantmiss!
510
00:29:31.612 --> 00:29:33.213
Ooh,
511
00:29:33.215 --> 00:29:35.515
she sure showed
yo' sorry ass up!
512
00:29:35.517 --> 00:29:37.751
You--You shut up, Siri.
You shut up!
513
00:29:37.753 --> 00:29:38.952
Shit. Don't hate
the player.
514
00:29:38.954 --> 00:29:41.154
You--
Hate the game!
515
00:29:41.156 --> 00:29:44.691
Wow! I've never seen
anyone do that before.
516
00:29:44.693 --> 00:29:46.526
She's badass.
517
00:29:46.528 --> 00:29:47.761
Respect.
518
00:29:47.763 --> 00:29:49.796
Reminds me
a little bit of myself.
519
00:29:49.798 --> 00:29:52.165
I'll stop now before
I get too emotional.
520
00:29:52.167 --> 00:29:54.134
Eat my ass!
521
00:29:58.673 --> 00:30:00.273
Think you're so tough?
522
00:30:00.275 --> 00:30:03.143
Well, come back
from this, bitch!
523
00:30:21.362 --> 00:30:24.097
Hey, guys, come on!
Let's go this way!
524
00:30:25.499 --> 00:30:26.866
Come on. Hurry!
525
00:30:26.868 --> 00:30:28.067
Let's go!
526
00:30:46.621 --> 00:30:48.488
When I see her,
she's mine.
527
00:30:58.098 --> 00:31:00.467
She's gotta be
around here somewhere.
528
00:31:10.077 --> 00:31:11.611
You sure Kantmiss
came this way?
529
00:31:11.613 --> 00:31:13.146
Uh, I know it.
530
00:31:13.148 --> 00:31:15.548
How can we be so sure
that we can trust you?
531
00:31:15.550 --> 00:31:17.317
I mean, didn't you volunteer
to be in the games
532
00:31:17.319 --> 00:31:18.751
just so you can get
closer to Kantmiss?
533
00:31:18.753 --> 00:31:20.086
No.
534
00:31:20.088 --> 00:31:23.056
I mean, maybe at first,
535
00:31:23.058 --> 00:31:25.692
but I don't
like her anymore.
536
00:31:25.694 --> 00:31:26.759
Really?
537
00:31:26.761 --> 00:31:28.761
Well, you know,
538
00:31:28.763 --> 00:31:31.164
back in District 12,
she's--
539
00:31:31.166 --> 00:31:33.199
she's known
as quite the whore.
540
00:31:33.201 --> 00:31:34.200
Ahh.
541
00:31:36.437 --> 00:31:37.537
There.
542
00:31:37.539 --> 00:31:38.538
Heh.
543
00:31:38.540 --> 00:31:40.206
Nice work, Peter.
544
00:31:40.208 --> 00:31:42.008
Thanks.
545
00:31:42.010 --> 00:31:44.110
I'm gonna bust her gut
wide open.
546
00:31:45.246 --> 00:31:47.080
This little princess
is all mine.
547
00:31:49.817 --> 00:31:52.485
Raah!
548
00:31:57.658 --> 00:31:58.758
And there's
Kantmiss!
549
00:31:58.760 --> 00:32:00.960
Oh, no.
We're gonna kill you.
550
00:32:00.962 --> 00:32:03.129
Right after we eat
our delicious treats.
551
00:32:03.131 --> 00:32:04.464
Huh?
552
00:32:10.037 --> 00:32:11.971
How can you
be with them?
553
00:32:11.973 --> 00:32:14.507
I don't know.
554
00:32:14.509 --> 00:32:17.076
I--I guess I just...
555
00:32:18.279 --> 00:32:19.946
really like them.
556
00:32:19.948 --> 00:32:22.448
Th-They're so cool
and popular.
557
00:32:22.450 --> 00:32:24.384
I mean, I'm in
the high school A/V club.
558
00:32:24.386 --> 00:32:27.587
I've never been able to hang
with the in crowd before.
559
00:32:27.589 --> 00:32:29.289
Mmm.
Stay with us.
560
00:32:29.291 --> 00:32:30.290
So good.
561
00:32:30.292 --> 00:32:31.491
Mmm. Oh.
562
00:32:31.493 --> 00:32:34.494
Hey, they said they want
to go to prom with me.
563
00:32:34.496 --> 00:32:36.829
We're gonna rent a limo
and everything.
564
00:32:36.831 --> 00:32:37.897
Isn't that awesome?
565
00:32:37.899 --> 00:32:40.233
Peter, they are
just using you.
566
00:32:40.235 --> 00:32:44.103
There can only be one winner
of the Starving Games.
567
00:32:47.775 --> 00:32:49.175
Right.
568
00:32:50.978 --> 00:32:52.979
All right, Kantmiss,
game over.
569
00:32:52.981 --> 00:32:55.281
Glammer, you're up.
570
00:32:59.720 --> 00:33:00.853
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
571
00:33:02.924 --> 00:33:05.992
Oh! Looks like we got
ourselves a streaker.
572
00:33:05.994 --> 00:33:07.894
Happens every Game.
573
00:33:07.896 --> 00:33:10.830
What a yahoo.
574
00:33:18.539 --> 00:33:21.074
Get out of here, man.
Get out of here!
575
00:33:21.076 --> 00:33:22.976
Come back here.
Come back here.
576
00:33:24.645 --> 00:33:26.479
Give me that.
577
00:33:38.092 --> 00:33:40.560
Nice impaling.
Yeah.
578
00:33:40.562 --> 00:33:41.561
He did this.
579
00:33:41.563 --> 00:33:42.562
Then it did that.
580
00:33:42.564 --> 00:33:43.763
Indeed, Cleaver.
581
00:33:43.765 --> 00:33:44.931
And that's
definitely gonna be
582
00:33:44.933 --> 00:33:47.800
our Kill of the Day!
583
00:33:47.802 --> 00:33:49.068
Kill of the Day!
584
00:33:49.070 --> 00:33:52.138
Kill of the Day--
of the Day!
585
00:33:52.140 --> 00:33:53.539
Our Kill of the Day
is brought to you
586
00:33:53.541 --> 00:33:55.208
by BetLife
insurance.
587
00:33:55.210 --> 00:33:56.609
Because life
is precious...
588
00:33:56.611 --> 00:33:58.411
BetLife.
589
00:34:01.915 --> 00:34:02.915
How are we going
to kill her?
590
00:34:02.917 --> 00:34:05.318
Ahem.
591
00:34:05.320 --> 00:34:06.552
Uh...
592
00:34:07.421 --> 00:34:09.422
why don't
we just take off,
593
00:34:09.424 --> 00:34:11.124
uh, go kill
some other kids
594
00:34:11.126 --> 00:34:12.458
and come back later?
595
00:34:12.460 --> 00:34:13.393
We'll wait.
596
00:34:13.395 --> 00:34:15.294
She has to come down
sooner or later.
597
00:34:47.928 --> 00:34:49.429
Gross.
598
00:34:56.336 --> 00:34:58.271
Hey.
599
00:34:58.273 --> 00:34:59.539
Shh.
600
00:35:09.718 --> 00:35:10.783
Oh.
601
00:35:13.353 --> 00:35:15.354
Have the bees
land on their heads.
602
00:35:16.190 --> 00:35:17.657
Okay. No, shh. Shh.
603
00:35:28.802 --> 00:35:30.269
Those are tracker bees.
604
00:35:30.271 --> 00:35:32.638
Getting stung causes
serious hallucinations.
605
00:35:32.640 --> 00:35:33.639
Or death.
606
00:35:36.043 --> 00:35:37.777
Oh!
607
00:35:44.719 --> 00:35:46.586
Ow! Ow!
608
00:35:46.588 --> 00:35:47.687
Oh! My ass! Aah!
609
00:35:47.689 --> 00:35:50.890
I think I
just swallowed one!
610
00:35:57.664 --> 00:35:58.664
Whoa.
611
00:35:58.666 --> 00:36:00.299
Ooh.
612
00:36:02.469 --> 00:36:04.771
Whoa. Ooh.
613
00:36:05.773 --> 00:36:07.974
What--
614
00:36:12.746 --> 00:36:14.847
Oh, my God. Oh!
615
00:36:14.849 --> 00:36:17.216
Oh. Oh.
616
00:36:19.420 --> 00:36:20.987
Whoo.
617
00:36:20.989 --> 00:36:23.790
Oh.
618
00:36:23.792 --> 00:36:25.892
No way.
619
00:36:25.894 --> 00:36:28.528
Double rainbow.
620
00:36:29.730 --> 00:36:32.064
Whoo!
621
00:36:32.066 --> 00:36:35.001
Double rainbow! Ha!
622
00:36:35.003 --> 00:36:36.235
Oh.
623
00:36:37.204 --> 00:36:38.905
It's starting to look
624
00:36:38.907 --> 00:36:42.975
like a quadruple rainbow!
625
00:36:42.977 --> 00:36:47.980
Oh, my Gooood!
626
00:36:47.982 --> 00:36:50.550
Yes! Yes!
627
00:36:50.552 --> 00:36:53.152
Ah ha ha!
628
00:36:53.154 --> 00:36:55.888
Oh, taste the rainbow.
629
00:37:06.034 --> 00:37:08.167
Ooh.
630
00:37:08.169 --> 00:37:09.802
Oh. Oh.
631
00:37:09.804 --> 00:37:11.938
Oh. Wha?
632
00:37:13.774 --> 00:37:14.774
Oh, my--
633
00:37:14.776 --> 00:37:15.775
What is...
634
00:37:22.049 --> 00:37:23.249
Oh.
635
00:37:25.219 --> 00:37:27.153
Do not make
any sudden movements.
636
00:37:27.155 --> 00:37:28.187
What's wrong?
637
00:37:30.191 --> 00:37:32.491
I've never
seen this happen before.
638
00:37:34.695 --> 00:37:36.829
What are they?
639
00:37:36.831 --> 00:37:38.798
Soul keepers.
640
00:37:38.800 --> 00:37:40.399
Soul keepers!
641
00:37:40.401 --> 00:37:42.301
Ah! Oh, my God! Get 'em off!
Get 'em off!
642
00:37:42.303 --> 00:37:43.870
Get 'em off!
Get 'em off!
643
00:37:43.872 --> 00:37:45.605
You are not
keeping my soul!
644
00:37:55.316 --> 00:37:57.250
Oh! Why?
645
00:37:58.386 --> 00:37:59.986
Right above your head.
646
00:37:59.988 --> 00:38:01.287
No, no, no, no.
647
00:38:09.796 --> 00:38:10.930
Whew.
648
00:38:10.932 --> 00:38:13.799
I think
I got 'em all.
649
00:38:13.801 --> 00:38:17.303
Soul Keepers hold all of the
souls of our ancient ancestors.
650
00:38:18.272 --> 00:38:19.639
There goes my sister,
651
00:38:19.641 --> 00:38:21.073
my grandma
652
00:38:21.075 --> 00:38:22.708
and my drunk
Aunt Sheila.
653
00:38:24.078 --> 00:38:26.212
Oops.
654
00:38:26.214 --> 00:38:28.147
Who are you?
655
00:38:28.149 --> 00:38:29.916
We are a proud
and ancient people
656
00:38:29.918 --> 00:38:33.019
created by James Cameron.
657
00:38:33.021 --> 00:38:36.155
I'm the king
of the world!
658
00:38:41.728 --> 00:38:43.696
Here.
659
00:38:43.698 --> 00:38:45.331
Give me your hair.
660
00:38:45.333 --> 00:38:47.199
We'll join the ends
and make love,
661
00:38:47.201 --> 00:38:49.235
Na'vi style.
662
00:38:49.237 --> 00:38:50.503
Okay.
663
00:38:59.847 --> 00:39:01.547
Ohh.
664
00:39:01.549 --> 00:39:02.648
Yeah.
665
00:39:02.650 --> 00:39:04.650
Oh, yes.
666
00:39:07.220 --> 00:39:08.321
Kantmiss.
667
00:39:08.323 --> 00:39:10.589
Kantmiss!
668
00:39:10.591 --> 00:39:11.691
Kantmiss!
669
00:39:12.759 --> 00:39:14.660
Kantmiss!
670
00:39:14.662 --> 00:39:15.928
Yes.
671
00:39:15.930 --> 00:39:17.663
Kantmiss! Kantmiss!
672
00:39:17.665 --> 00:39:19.498
Kantmiss!
673
00:39:19.500 --> 00:39:21.334
Are you trying
to hook up with me?
674
00:39:23.337 --> 00:39:24.370
What? No!
675
00:39:24.372 --> 00:39:26.505
No, no, no, no. Um...
676
00:39:26.507 --> 00:39:28.574
I think that I was
just hallucinating.
677
00:39:28.576 --> 00:39:31.644
You better not be.
I'm only 12.
678
00:39:33.413 --> 00:39:35.915
The way I see it,
if we're gonna survive,
679
00:39:35.917 --> 00:39:37.316
we should
work together.
680
00:39:37.318 --> 00:39:40.186
But what happens if we're
the last two standing?
681
00:39:40.188 --> 00:39:41.754
I won't hesitate.
682
00:39:41.756 --> 00:39:44.590
This competition
is kill or be killed,
683
00:39:44.592 --> 00:39:46.859
and I will kill you
where you stand,
684
00:39:46.861 --> 00:39:48.894
dead, end of story.
685
00:39:50.097 --> 00:39:51.530
Shit ain't personal,
686
00:39:51.532 --> 00:39:54.734
strictly business
ya dig?
687
00:39:54.736 --> 00:39:57.603
Okay. Here's what
I was thinking.
688
00:39:57.605 --> 00:39:59.071
I could set some fires
689
00:39:59.073 --> 00:40:01.574
to flush Marco and his crew
out into the clearing,
690
00:40:01.576 --> 00:40:03.876
and if you find
a bow and arrow,
691
00:40:03.878 --> 00:40:05.211
you could pick 'em off.
692
00:40:05.213 --> 00:40:07.680
No, no. That's--
That's a great idea,
693
00:40:07.682 --> 00:40:10.116
and Marco
will never see it coming.
694
00:40:10.118 --> 00:40:12.284
Hello?
695
00:40:12.286 --> 00:40:13.285
I'm right here.
696
00:40:13.287 --> 00:40:15.688
Run! Run!
697
00:40:25.332 --> 00:40:26.632
Get her!
698
00:40:43.950 --> 00:40:46.052
Shit.
699
00:40:46.054 --> 00:40:47.753
Totally outnumbered.
700
00:40:55.796 --> 00:40:57.997
What do I do?
What do I do?
701
00:40:57.999 --> 00:40:59.632
Think, Kantmiss. Think.
702
00:41:06.706 --> 00:41:08.974
Hemorrhoidal irritation.
703
00:41:11.111 --> 00:41:14.480
Aggravate with a swift
kick to the posterior.
704
00:41:14.482 --> 00:41:15.815
Raah!
705
00:41:21.721 --> 00:41:23.489
Low-hung scrotum.
Debilitate with
706
00:41:23.491 --> 00:41:26.959
concise rabbit punch
to the testicular sac.
707
00:41:36.803 --> 00:41:40.439
Awkward metallic orthodontic
corrective device.
708
00:41:43.110 --> 00:41:46.011
Snap rubber bands to create
blunt force to the cranium.
709
00:41:52.619 --> 00:41:54.920
Rampant adolescent
acne vulgaris.
710
00:41:55.922 --> 00:41:57.456
Ah.
711
00:41:57.458 --> 00:42:00.159
Prescribe
topical acne cream.
712
00:42:09.970 --> 00:42:12.304
Pubescent boy
with raging hormones.
713
00:42:12.306 --> 00:42:14.006
Disarm with natural assets.
714
00:42:16.277 --> 00:42:17.943
Allow to motorboat.
715
00:42:19.914 --> 00:42:21.080
You're pretty.
716
00:42:31.725 --> 00:42:34.059
Raah!
717
00:42:46.073 --> 00:42:47.106
Hee.
718
00:42:53.548 --> 00:42:55.014
You ready to die?
719
00:43:07.294 --> 00:43:08.761
Not really!
720
00:43:08.763 --> 00:43:10.362
I mean, kind of hoping
721
00:43:10.364 --> 00:43:11.630
I could stick around
for the sequel?
722
00:43:11.632 --> 00:43:12.831
Huh?
Huh?
723
00:43:19.172 --> 00:43:20.573
Mm!
724
00:43:20.575 --> 00:43:23.342
All right!
We know what that sound is.
725
00:43:23.344 --> 00:43:24.677
It's the end of the half.
726
00:43:28.549 --> 00:43:30.282
Ah, that sucks.
727
00:43:30.284 --> 00:43:31.550
I wanted
to see her die.
728
00:43:31.552 --> 00:43:32.818
Halftime
729
00:43:32.820 --> 00:43:35.421
with the Starving Games
cheerleaders,
730
00:43:35.423 --> 00:43:37.356
presented by Viagra.
731
00:43:49.971 --> 00:43:52.338
Eh, I like it, Siri,
but it's not--
732
00:43:52.340 --> 00:43:54.340
it's not popping.
733
00:43:54.342 --> 00:43:55.641
Don't worry, boo.
I got you.
734
00:43:55.643 --> 00:43:58.277
More filthy and
gratuitous T&A coming up.
735
00:44:30.711 --> 00:44:33.512
Kantmiss, what an
exciting first half.
736
00:44:33.514 --> 00:44:35.214
Tell us what you're
thinking right now.
737
00:44:35.216 --> 00:44:39.084
First off, I want to thank my
Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
738
00:44:41.721 --> 00:44:44.390
And, uh, I'm thinking
about winning, Stanley.
739
00:44:44.392 --> 00:44:45.624
I just want to win.
740
00:44:48.495 --> 00:44:49.728
Bob.
741
00:44:49.730 --> 00:44:52.131
Stanley, do you get
a sense that Kantmiss
742
00:44:52.133 --> 00:44:54.400
is aware of the frenzy
she's creating?
743
00:44:54.402 --> 00:44:55.634
I don't think so, Bob.
744
00:44:55.636 --> 00:44:57.069
She's electrifying.
745
00:44:58.204 --> 00:45:02.675
Cleaver's Electrifying
Halftime Highlights.
746
00:45:08.849 --> 00:45:09.848
Aah!
747
00:45:25.298 --> 00:45:28.100
Take a look at what's trending
right now on Twitter.
748
00:45:28.102 --> 00:45:32.371
Helen in District 7 tweets,
"Kantmiss gives me hope!"
749
00:45:32.373 --> 00:45:34.473
And Thomas
in District 11 writes,
750
00:45:34.475 --> 00:45:38.944
"Kantmiss rocks,
UR sooooo hot!"
751
00:45:38.946 --> 00:45:41.480
And Tyrone in the District
of Compton tweets,
752
00:45:41.482 --> 00:45:43.916
"Yo, that ho Kantmiss
is da bomb,
753
00:45:43.918 --> 00:45:46.151
she's mad blowin' up
in da hood, yo!"
754
00:45:46.153 --> 00:45:48.320
Smiley face emoticon.
755
00:45:48.322 --> 00:45:49.655
She is blowin' up,
756
00:45:49.657 --> 00:45:51.023
and I had
the chance to be
757
00:45:51.025 --> 00:45:53.192
on the ground in
Kantmiss' own district,
758
00:45:53.194 --> 00:45:56.862
where Kantmiss fever is
at an all-time high!
759
00:45:56.864 --> 00:45:58.931
I'm here in District 12,
760
00:45:58.933 --> 00:46:00.966
where everyone
is going nuts.
761
00:46:00.968 --> 00:46:02.901
It's the ultimate
underdog Cinderella story,
762
00:46:02.903 --> 00:46:05.537
and the po' folks here
is eating it up,
763
00:46:05.539 --> 00:46:09.508
buying up merchandise with any
and everything that has to do
764
00:46:09.510 --> 00:46:12.644
with Kantmiss
or the Starving Games.
765
00:46:12.646 --> 00:46:14.580
T-shirts, mugs,
766
00:46:14.582 --> 00:46:16.548
totes, koozies
767
00:46:16.550 --> 00:46:19.017
and bobbleheads.
768
00:46:26.259 --> 00:46:28.994
Look at me.
I'm just like Kantmiss.
769
00:46:28.996 --> 00:46:30.295
Ohh!
770
00:46:30.297 --> 00:46:31.864
Mis cojones.
771
00:46:31.866 --> 00:46:33.832
Yes! Direct hit!
772
00:46:33.834 --> 00:46:36.301
I'm gonna
shoot him again.
773
00:46:36.303 --> 00:46:37.870
Ai! Cheese enchilada!
774
00:46:37.872 --> 00:46:39.371
Oh, that felt good.
775
00:46:44.978 --> 00:46:46.712
That was a close one.
Yeah.
776
00:46:46.714 --> 00:46:47.713
I almost got you.
777
00:46:47.715 --> 00:46:49.281
I know.
I was like, "Ohh."
778
00:46:54.687 --> 00:46:56.455
Take previous positions.
779
00:46:59.226 --> 00:47:00.392
Game on!
780
00:47:00.394 --> 00:47:01.927
Yay!
781
00:47:04.864 --> 00:47:06.598
You ready to die?
782
00:47:26.820 --> 00:47:28.754
Aah! Aah!
783
00:47:28.756 --> 00:47:29.855
You little turd!
784
00:47:29.857 --> 00:47:31.690
Hey!
785
00:47:31.692 --> 00:47:33.192
Hey!
786
00:47:44.071 --> 00:47:45.103
Aah!
787
00:47:53.646 --> 00:47:55.414
Rudy.
788
00:47:55.416 --> 00:47:56.415
Rudy.
789
00:47:57.517 --> 00:47:59.751
Sing me a lullaby.
790
00:47:59.753 --> 00:48:00.953
Okay.
791
00:48:05.426 --> 00:48:06.825
Not you!
792
00:48:07.660 --> 00:48:08.861
Her!
793
00:48:17.438 --> 00:48:18.637
Am I gonna die?
794
00:48:18.639 --> 00:48:19.872
No. No, no, no.
795
00:48:19.874 --> 00:48:21.607
Of course
you're not gonna die.
796
00:48:27.948 --> 00:48:30.916
Worms? Isn't that
a little dramatic?
797
00:48:39.927 --> 00:48:41.994
Damn you, Taylor Swift.
798
00:48:41.996 --> 00:48:44.530
What an emotional and...
799
00:48:44.532 --> 00:48:47.032
moving death, Cleaver.
800
00:48:47.034 --> 00:48:49.301
It would bring
a tear to my eye
801
00:48:49.303 --> 00:48:51.870
if my tear ducts
weren't lacerated.
802
00:48:53.741 --> 00:48:54.740
Ohh.
Ohh.
803
00:48:57.510 --> 00:48:59.077
I'm sorry.
804
00:49:05.952 --> 00:49:07.452
This is bullshit.
805
00:49:07.454 --> 00:49:10.022
The Capital can't just
treat us like pawns.
806
00:49:10.024 --> 00:49:11.523
Yeah!
Yeah!
807
00:49:11.525 --> 00:49:13.559
Our life is our own,
808
00:49:13.561 --> 00:49:15.794
and they can't just
make us kill each other
809
00:49:15.796 --> 00:49:17.529
for their own
sick amusement!
810
00:49:17.531 --> 00:49:18.597
Yeah!
Yeah!
811
00:49:18.599 --> 00:49:19.631
What do you say?
812
00:49:19.633 --> 00:49:20.866
Let's riot
813
00:49:20.868 --> 00:49:23.902
and overthrow this
totalitarian government
814
00:49:23.904 --> 00:49:25.904
once and for all!
815
00:49:25.906 --> 00:49:26.905
Yeah!
Yeah!
816
00:49:26.907 --> 00:49:28.640
Whoo-hoo!
817
00:49:30.944 --> 00:49:34.313
We take a half-pound
of grade-A beef...
818
00:49:34.315 --> 00:49:35.914
and top it with cheese.
819
00:49:37.284 --> 00:49:40.519
Then we top it with chili...
820
00:49:42.021 --> 00:49:44.923
and a hot dog and ribs
821
00:49:44.925 --> 00:49:48.193
and smother it with
low-cal ranch dressing.
822
00:49:48.195 --> 00:49:51.496
Then we top it with a slice
of pepperoni pizza,
823
00:49:51.498 --> 00:49:53.432
with a sesame-seed bun.
824
00:49:53.434 --> 00:49:54.633
Mmm, mmm.
825
00:49:55.702 --> 00:49:58.070
Hey, uh...
826
00:49:58.072 --> 00:50:00.005
are we still
gonna riot?
827
00:50:00.007 --> 00:50:02.074
Maybe later.
828
00:50:02.076 --> 00:50:04.042
I'm too hungry now.
829
00:50:04.044 --> 00:50:06.511
Then we add
barbeque sauce...
830
00:50:08.014 --> 00:50:10.415
tomato, onion and lettuce.
831
00:50:13.086 --> 00:50:14.853
Then we add pork rinds,
832
00:50:14.855 --> 00:50:17.155
Funyuns, broccoli,
nacho cheese,
833
00:50:17.157 --> 00:50:18.957
Spam and wings...
834
00:50:20.493 --> 00:50:22.294
and ham hocks, chitlins.
835
00:50:23.262 --> 00:50:25.230
Don't forget
the watermelon wedge.
836
00:50:25.232 --> 00:50:28.867
Top it all off with two scoops
of pistachio ice cream,
837
00:50:28.869 --> 00:50:31.803
and finish it with
another sesame-seed bun.
838
00:50:33.107 --> 00:50:37.376
The 600,000 calorie
triple bypass burger.
839
00:50:39.012 --> 00:50:40.112
Starbucks?
840
00:50:40.114 --> 00:50:41.647
Got a free latte for it.
841
00:50:52.392 --> 00:50:55.594
Kantmiss fever is causing
a serious problem.
842
00:50:55.596 --> 00:50:57.696
We almost
had a riot.
843
00:50:57.698 --> 00:50:59.531
What should we do?
844
00:50:59.533 --> 00:51:01.833
Give them more.
845
00:51:01.835 --> 00:51:03.268
I don't understand.
846
00:51:03.270 --> 00:51:05.103
The Starving Games
is a hit.
847
00:51:06.005 --> 00:51:07.272
Just look at the trades.
848
00:51:11.878 --> 00:51:14.079
We could finally
win an Emmy.
849
00:51:15.214 --> 00:51:17.349
But the show's missing
one important thing.
850
00:51:17.351 --> 00:51:19.184
What does
every successful show need
851
00:51:19.186 --> 00:51:20.719
to bring it
to the next level?
852
00:51:22.021 --> 00:51:23.989
I know exactly
what you mean.
853
00:51:23.991 --> 00:51:25.891
A love story!
A lesbian love story!
854
00:51:25.893 --> 00:51:28.060
Wait.
Lesbian love story?
855
00:51:28.062 --> 00:51:30.962
Who doesn't like to see
two chicks get it on?
856
00:51:30.964 --> 00:51:33.365
I know I do, big time.
857
00:51:37.170 --> 00:51:39.137
But there aren't
any other women
858
00:51:39.139 --> 00:51:40.338
left alive
in the Games.
859
00:51:42.275 --> 00:51:43.208
Fine.
860
00:51:43.210 --> 00:51:46.078
Do your normal
straight love story.
861
00:51:46.080 --> 00:51:48.180
Bor-ing.
862
00:51:50.550 --> 00:51:52.551
Oh, and, Seleca...
863
00:51:52.553 --> 00:51:54.853
throw in a surprise twist
at the end,
864
00:51:54.855 --> 00:51:57.055
like she dies or something.
865
00:51:57.057 --> 00:51:58.623
I like that.
866
00:52:01.360 --> 00:52:03.628
Attention, contestants.
867
00:52:03.630 --> 00:52:05.630
Attention, contestants.
868
00:52:05.632 --> 00:52:08.233
Attention, contestants.
869
00:52:08.235 --> 00:52:10.202
We have a rule change.
870
00:52:11.370 --> 00:52:14.406
There can now be two winners
of the Starving Games.
871
00:52:14.408 --> 00:52:16.408
Great.
So Marco and Peter
872
00:52:16.410 --> 00:52:17.776
can team up
to kill me.
873
00:52:17.778 --> 00:52:20.979
Uh, specifically two people
of different genders.
874
00:52:20.981 --> 00:52:23.682
Oh.
875
00:52:23.684 --> 00:52:25.751
Okay. Okay.
876
00:52:25.753 --> 00:52:28.386
So I hook up
with Marco,
877
00:52:28.388 --> 00:52:29.821
and we kill
Peter together.
878
00:52:29.823 --> 00:52:31.590
Yes!
879
00:52:31.592 --> 00:52:33.458
Yeah. I like that.
880
00:52:33.460 --> 00:52:37.095
No, we were thinking more like
you could team up with Peter.
881
00:52:37.097 --> 00:52:38.864
No!
No!
882
00:52:38.866 --> 00:52:40.499
No!
No!
883
00:52:40.501 --> 00:52:42.134
No, no, I, um--
884
00:52:42.136 --> 00:52:45.604
I like the whole
Marco idea better.
885
00:52:45.606 --> 00:52:47.839
Hey, Kantmiss,
do me a favor here,
886
00:52:47.841 --> 00:52:50.142
and hook up with Peter.
Please.
887
00:52:50.144 --> 00:52:51.777
I could lose
my job for this.
888
00:52:51.779 --> 00:52:54.746
And that's
my problem how?
889
00:52:54.748 --> 00:52:56.581
Oh, hey.
890
00:52:56.583 --> 00:52:58.116
Heh heh. Hey, guys.
What's going on?
891
00:52:59.887 --> 00:53:01.620
Nah, don't worry.
892
00:53:01.622 --> 00:53:04.923
I got it under control.
I swear.
893
00:53:06.260 --> 00:53:07.793
W-What are you--
What are you doing?
894
00:53:11.264 --> 00:53:13.732
Um...
895
00:53:13.734 --> 00:53:15.500
Ohh!
896
00:53:15.502 --> 00:53:17.969
I thought
we were friends.
897
00:53:17.971 --> 00:53:19.704
Ah, thanks.
898
00:53:22.776 --> 00:53:26.311
But I got us backstage
passes to Justin Bieber.
899
00:53:31.185 --> 00:53:32.651
Oh, my God.
900
00:53:34.921 --> 00:53:37.355
No. No, no,
don't you do it!
901
00:53:38.591 --> 00:53:40.025
Right.
902
00:53:40.027 --> 00:53:44.596
Um, I'm just gonna go team up
with Peter now, so...
903
00:53:49.101 --> 00:53:51.503
Hmm.
904
00:54:18.130 --> 00:54:21.066
Peter, are you here?
905
00:54:21.068 --> 00:54:23.101
I'm camouflaged.
906
00:54:23.103 --> 00:54:24.269
Where are you?
907
00:54:24.271 --> 00:54:26.471
I'm over here.
908
00:54:27.373 --> 00:54:28.473
I don't see you.
909
00:54:28.475 --> 00:54:29.941
I used my skills
as a baker
910
00:54:29.943 --> 00:54:32.477
to seamlessly blend in
to my surroundings.
911
00:54:32.479 --> 00:54:35.547
Okay, well,
can you give me a hint?
912
00:54:38.818 --> 00:54:40.986
I'm in the cake.
913
00:54:42.922 --> 00:54:44.923
Oh.
914
00:54:52.266 --> 00:54:53.932
You're injured.
915
00:54:53.934 --> 00:54:57.335
Marco found out that I
really wasn't into him
916
00:54:57.337 --> 00:55:00.272
and that I ultimately
was protecting you.
917
00:55:01.107 --> 00:55:02.774
And he did this to you?
918
00:55:02.776 --> 00:55:03.775
No.
919
00:55:07.847 --> 00:55:10.982
I just got
my back waxed.
920
00:55:10.984 --> 00:55:12.384
Aah!
921
00:55:12.386 --> 00:55:14.019
Oh, that--
that looks bad.
922
00:55:14.021 --> 00:55:15.120
I mean, it's...
923
00:55:15.122 --> 00:55:16.254
Oh.
Aah!
924
00:55:16.256 --> 00:55:18.323
Oh, it's really oozy.
Ow. Okay.
925
00:55:18.325 --> 00:55:19.591
Well,
stop poking it!
926
00:55:21.695 --> 00:55:23.361
Okay, well, we should
take care of you
927
00:55:23.363 --> 00:55:26.031
before the infection
starts to take over.
928
00:55:26.033 --> 00:55:27.532
Come on.
929
00:55:27.534 --> 00:55:29.234
Ooh.
930
00:55:29.236 --> 00:55:30.235
Aah!
931
00:55:30.237 --> 00:55:31.236
Sorry.
932
00:55:31.238 --> 00:55:33.805
Stop poking it, please.
933
00:55:33.807 --> 00:55:35.707
Okay.
934
00:55:38.344 --> 00:55:40.412
Ah, they're
cute together
935
00:55:40.414 --> 00:55:42.247
Yeah, well, I still
want them to die.
936
00:55:42.249 --> 00:55:44.416
Yeah. Duh!
937
00:55:52.725 --> 00:55:53.758
Okay.
938
00:55:53.760 --> 00:55:56.161
Marco won't find us
in here. Come on.
939
00:55:56.163 --> 00:55:58.296
I hope
they get naked.
940
00:55:59.333 --> 00:56:00.598
Come on!
941
00:56:00.600 --> 00:56:01.800
Oh.
942
00:56:05.371 --> 00:56:07.739
Night's falling.
It's gonna get freezing.
943
00:56:12.411 --> 00:56:13.912
You've got a fever.
944
00:56:13.914 --> 00:56:15.213
Here.
I'll check my bag
945
00:56:15.215 --> 00:56:16.247
for something
for warmth.
946
00:56:16.249 --> 00:56:19.417
Thanks, Kantmiss.
947
00:56:21.220 --> 00:56:22.721
A Snuggie!
948
00:56:36.936 --> 00:56:38.937
Ah. Mmm.
949
00:56:38.939 --> 00:56:41.439
So warm and comfy.
950
00:56:42.308 --> 00:56:44.209
What? Huh?
951
00:56:59.358 --> 00:57:01.693
You know...
952
00:57:01.695 --> 00:57:04.162
I've had a crush on you
for the longest time.
953
00:57:05.966 --> 00:57:09.467
I used to follow you home
from school every day.
954
00:57:11.303 --> 00:57:12.637
Every day.
955
00:57:13.472 --> 00:57:14.839
And I remember
when you got
956
00:57:14.841 --> 00:57:17.909
your first dress-up dolly
on your eighth birthday.
957
00:57:20.147 --> 00:57:22.113
And when you turned 12
958
00:57:22.115 --> 00:57:23.848
and got your first period.
959
00:57:26.119 --> 00:57:28.953
I watched you shower
every night,
960
00:57:28.955 --> 00:57:30.789
and after you got out,
961
00:57:30.791 --> 00:57:33.158
I would pick through the
drain and collect your hair.
962
00:57:34.160 --> 00:57:35.160
What?
963
00:57:39.365 --> 00:57:41.499
You made
a hair doll of me?
964
00:57:41.501 --> 00:57:43.168
Not just one.
965
00:57:44.670 --> 00:57:45.470
Ohh.
966
00:57:45.472 --> 00:57:49.307
That's you and me,
967
00:57:49.309 --> 00:57:52.010
and those are our six kids.
968
00:57:52.012 --> 00:57:53.511
And who's that?
969
00:57:53.513 --> 00:57:55.980
That's our puppy, Alphie.
970
00:57:55.982 --> 00:57:58.516
Woof woof!
971
00:57:58.518 --> 00:58:00.051
Woof!
Eww.
972
00:58:01.121 --> 00:58:03.288
She's the runt
of the litter,
973
00:58:03.290 --> 00:58:05.757
but we love her
all the same.
974
00:58:08.260 --> 00:58:09.461
Ohh.
975
00:58:09.463 --> 00:58:11.229
Ah, you got
a hairy chick, dude.
976
00:58:14.300 --> 00:58:16.201
I'm so hungry.
977
00:58:19.138 --> 00:58:20.138
Poor baby.
978
00:58:42.895 --> 00:58:44.629
Soup!
What?
979
00:58:44.631 --> 00:58:46.231
That'll definitely
make you feel better.
980
00:58:47.967 --> 00:58:49.167
Hmm?
981
00:58:53.205 --> 00:58:55.106
What?
982
00:59:01.580 --> 00:59:04.916
I--I think that they want
us to be more romantic,
983
00:59:04.918 --> 00:59:08.419
and, in return, they'll send
us stuff to make you better.
984
00:59:08.421 --> 00:59:09.654
Sounds good to me.
985
00:59:34.180 --> 00:59:36.047
Sorry, Dale.
986
00:59:38.184 --> 00:59:39.884
What?!
987
00:59:39.886 --> 00:59:41.019
Really?
988
00:59:41.820 --> 00:59:44.055
Ooh.
Oh, come on.
989
00:59:44.057 --> 00:59:45.657
Hey, who thinks
they're gonna do it?
990
00:59:45.659 --> 00:59:46.658
We do!
We do!
991
00:59:46.660 --> 00:59:48.927
Screw you all!
992
01:00:04.977 --> 01:00:05.977
What is it now?
993
01:00:07.379 --> 01:00:09.414
All right!
994
01:00:09.416 --> 01:00:11.549
Peter, I don't know
if I can do this.
995
01:00:11.551 --> 01:00:15.053
Oh, my back.
996
01:00:17.990 --> 01:00:18.990
I'm dying.
997
01:00:20.125 --> 01:00:22.126
I don't know how much
longer I can hang on.
998
01:00:22.128 --> 01:00:23.795
All right. Let's...
999
01:00:23.797 --> 01:00:25.063
give them
what they want.
1000
01:00:40.412 --> 01:00:42.247
Fantastic.
1001
01:00:42.249 --> 01:00:43.281
True dat.
1002
01:00:50.289 --> 01:00:51.589
Ow. Ow!
1003
01:00:51.591 --> 01:00:53.791
Can you not grab
my butt so hard?
1004
01:00:54.860 --> 01:00:57.929
I'm not touching
your butt at all.
1005
01:00:57.931 --> 01:00:58.763
Ohh!
1006
01:00:58.765 --> 01:00:59.864
Do not be afraid.
1007
01:00:59.866 --> 01:01:02.567
I am but
a kindly old wizard.
1008
01:01:02.569 --> 01:01:04.068
Get your hand
off my ass!
1009
01:01:04.070 --> 01:01:05.136
Right. Well...
1010
01:01:05.138 --> 01:01:05.937
let me explain.
1011
01:01:05.939 --> 01:01:08.239
You see,
we were traveling.
1012
01:01:08.241 --> 01:01:09.307
We were on--
1013
01:01:09.309 --> 01:01:10.475
We were on our way
1014
01:01:10.477 --> 01:01:13.011
to the Misty--
1015
01:01:13.013 --> 01:01:14.479
the Misty
Mountains, yes.
1016
01:01:14.481 --> 01:01:16.814
And then
we heard a moan
1017
01:01:16.816 --> 01:01:18.583
coming from
inside this cave,
1018
01:01:18.585 --> 01:01:20.718
and fearing it to be
a moan of distress
1019
01:01:20.720 --> 01:01:23.388
and being the good
Samaritans that we are,
1020
01:01:23.390 --> 01:01:25.523
we came in here
to help you.
1021
01:01:25.525 --> 01:01:26.658
Get out!
1022
01:01:26.660 --> 01:01:28.726
Yes. Well. Okay.
1023
01:01:32.564 --> 01:01:35.867
I bid you adieu.
1024
01:01:42.508 --> 01:01:43.508
Ooh.
Ooh.
1025
01:01:51.584 --> 01:01:52.784
Whoa!
1026
01:02:04.831 --> 01:02:07.565
Yeah, love it!
I love it! Yeah!
1027
01:02:07.567 --> 01:02:11.035
Not her first trip
to the rodeo, eh?
1028
01:02:12.204 --> 01:02:14.572
Oh, yeah! Oh, Kantmiss!
1029
01:02:14.574 --> 01:02:16.207
Yeah! Oh!
1030
01:02:16.209 --> 01:02:18.276
Wow!
Whoa.
1031
01:02:18.278 --> 01:02:19.844
Ohh!
Ohh!
1032
01:02:19.846 --> 01:02:21.446
Oh, Peter, yes!
1033
01:02:22.449 --> 01:02:24.082
Score!
1034
01:02:25.117 --> 01:02:26.884
Even I don't get
to do that!
1035
01:02:26.886 --> 01:02:28.653
Oh, give me your hand.
Oh, God.
1036
01:02:28.655 --> 01:02:29.654
Yes!
1037
01:02:29.656 --> 01:02:31.422
Ride the donkey. Yes!
1038
01:02:31.424 --> 01:02:32.824
Ohh! Ohh!
1039
01:02:32.826 --> 01:02:36.027
And it's
even better in 3-D.
1040
01:02:39.733 --> 01:02:41.532
Ooh.
Ooh.
1041
01:02:50.043 --> 01:02:51.075
Ooh.
Ooh.
1042
01:03:12.965 --> 01:03:14.565
Thanks again
for last night.
1043
01:03:14.567 --> 01:03:15.833
Now that you're better,
1044
01:03:15.835 --> 01:03:17.201
we have to go out there.
1045
01:03:19.271 --> 01:03:22.774
We have to kill Marco so we can
both win the game and go home.
1046
01:03:24.209 --> 01:03:26.110
I--I would, but...
1047
01:03:26.112 --> 01:03:28.513
I think the infection's
starting to come back.
1048
01:03:28.515 --> 01:03:30.348
Don't push it!
1049
01:03:35.788 --> 01:03:36.988
Where do you think
you're going?
1050
01:03:36.990 --> 01:03:39.090
You can't go in there!
1051
01:04:08.420 --> 01:04:10.688
Whoa! Did you--Ha!
1052
01:04:11.758 --> 01:04:13.191
He's right there.
1053
01:04:13.193 --> 01:04:14.892
When are they gonna
kill each other already?
1054
01:04:14.894 --> 01:04:16.961
I'm getting bored.
Me, too.
1055
01:04:24.670 --> 01:04:25.870
Aah!
1056
01:04:31.076 --> 01:04:32.877
It's time to end this
once and for all.
1057
01:04:32.879 --> 01:04:34.412
Siri.
1058
01:04:34.414 --> 01:04:36.013
Dang!
What you need now?
1059
01:04:36.015 --> 01:04:37.882
Let's have a grand finale.
1060
01:04:37.884 --> 01:04:39.484
Send in the big guns.
1061
01:04:58.570 --> 01:05:00.304
Oh, shit.
1062
01:05:04.843 --> 01:05:07.445
I'll give you a war
you wouldn't believe.
1063
01:05:08.514 --> 01:05:10.481
Hasta la vista, baby.
1064
01:05:11.617 --> 01:05:12.884
Yippie-ki-yay--
1065
01:05:12.886 --> 01:05:15.086
Oh.
1066
01:05:15.088 --> 01:05:17.755
Damn it. I don't
have a catchphrase.
1067
01:05:17.757 --> 01:05:21.492
Ha ha ha!
I have so many of them.
1068
01:05:21.494 --> 01:05:22.627
I'll be back.
1069
01:05:22.629 --> 01:05:24.495
You know what
I mean, Chuck?
1070
01:05:24.497 --> 01:05:25.796
No.
1071
01:05:25.798 --> 01:05:27.498
Because I'm
Chuck Norris,
1072
01:05:27.500 --> 01:05:30.067
and catchphrases
need me!
1073
01:05:30.069 --> 01:05:31.602
Enh.
1074
01:05:31.604 --> 01:05:32.937
Why don't you shut up,
1075
01:05:32.939 --> 01:05:35.373
you smarty-pants wisenheimer
piece of shit?!
1076
01:05:35.375 --> 01:05:36.374
Let's just kill 'em.
1077
01:05:36.376 --> 01:05:37.542
Oh.
1078
01:05:39.178 --> 01:05:40.778
Ready!
1079
01:05:43.849 --> 01:05:45.316
Aim.
1080
01:05:45.318 --> 01:05:46.551
Yes!
1081
01:05:46.553 --> 01:05:48.786
Yo, Adrian!
1082
01:05:48.788 --> 01:05:50.922
Fire!
1083
01:06:05.171 --> 01:06:05.970
Gah!
1084
01:06:09.274 --> 01:06:10.274
Dale?
1085
01:06:11.276 --> 01:06:12.376
Dale?
1086
01:06:12.378 --> 01:06:14.178
What's going on
with you and this guy?
1087
01:06:15.180 --> 01:06:16.981
I'll talk to you
about it later.
1088
01:06:16.983 --> 01:06:18.349
I saw you kiss him.
1089
01:06:19.319 --> 01:06:21.719
I am in the middle
of a death match.
1090
01:06:21.721 --> 01:06:22.920
Do you like him?
1091
01:06:22.922 --> 01:06:24.922
Dale, you are
embarrassing me.
1092
01:06:24.924 --> 01:06:26.757
Go home.
Nyah.
1093
01:06:26.759 --> 01:06:28.859
No! If anyone
should leave...
1094
01:06:28.861 --> 01:06:30.094
he should.
1095
01:06:30.096 --> 01:06:33.664
Okay. Yeah.
I-I'll leave.
1096
01:06:33.666 --> 01:06:35.566
Now, Dale!
Fine.
1097
01:06:35.568 --> 01:06:36.968
Fine!
1098
01:06:36.970 --> 01:06:40.504
But I'm changing my
Facebook status to single.
1099
01:06:46.011 --> 01:06:47.712
Sorry about that.
1100
01:06:47.714 --> 01:06:49.547
He's always
been really clingy.
1101
01:06:49.549 --> 01:06:51.582
That's cool.
1102
01:06:54.886 --> 01:06:56.120
Unbelievable.
1103
01:06:56.122 --> 01:06:58.389
What are you
gonna do, Kantmiss?
1104
01:06:58.391 --> 01:07:00.858
You shoot and miss,
lover boy here is dead.
1105
01:07:01.861 --> 01:07:02.960
Yes!
1106
01:07:09.435 --> 01:07:10.468
No, no, no, no!
1107
01:07:18.677 --> 01:07:19.744
Huh?
Huh?
1108
01:07:25.584 --> 01:07:26.751
Yeah.
1109
01:07:27.953 --> 01:07:29.420
Yeah.
1110
01:07:33.058 --> 01:07:34.625
Oh!
Oh!
1111
01:07:36.795 --> 01:07:38.629
That'll work.
1112
01:07:42.602 --> 01:07:44.402
How about that, Cleaver?
1113
01:07:44.404 --> 01:07:48.572
Against all odds,
they've done it. They've won.
1114
01:07:48.574 --> 01:07:49.874
Yay.
1115
01:07:49.876 --> 01:07:52.043
Whew!
1116
01:07:52.944 --> 01:07:54.378
Peter, we won.
1117
01:07:54.380 --> 01:07:56.580
We survived!
1118
01:08:00.886 --> 01:08:02.053
We're both going home.
1119
01:08:09.829 --> 01:08:11.295
Attention, contestants.
1120
01:08:11.297 --> 01:08:14.799
There has been
yet another rule change.
1121
01:08:21.040 --> 01:08:22.873
And if you're thinking
what I'm thinking,
1122
01:08:22.875 --> 01:08:24.141
you're right.
1123
01:08:24.143 --> 01:08:27.445
There again
can be only one winner.
1124
01:08:29.849 --> 01:08:31.082
Good luck.
1125
01:08:35.721 --> 01:08:37.755
What if we don't give
'em the satisfaction?
1126
01:08:42.861 --> 01:08:44.428
What if we
both kill ourselves
1127
01:08:44.430 --> 01:08:46.464
and there
are no victors?
1128
01:08:49.301 --> 01:08:51.135
We'll ruin the Games,
1129
01:08:51.137 --> 01:08:53.871
and we'll show
th-that the Capital,
1130
01:08:53.873 --> 01:08:55.406
they can't control us!
1131
01:08:57.743 --> 01:09:00.411
I found these poisonous
berries in the woods.
1132
01:09:01.246 --> 01:09:04.281
W-We can eat them
a-and die.
1133
01:09:10.055 --> 01:09:11.756
Shit ain't personal,
1134
01:09:11.758 --> 01:09:14.558
strictly business,
ya dig?
1135
01:09:22.001 --> 01:09:24.268
Whaah! Whoa!
1136
01:09:29.074 --> 01:09:30.808
Fuck me!
1137
01:09:38.316 --> 01:09:40.451
Best Starving Games ever!
1138
01:09:46.358 --> 01:09:48.259
It's a nice shot,
Kantmiss.
1139
01:09:49.294 --> 01:09:50.628
What're you
doing here?
1140
01:09:50.630 --> 01:09:51.862
I practically show up
1141
01:09:51.864 --> 01:09:52.997
at the end
of every movie.
1142
01:09:52.999 --> 01:09:55.332
Superhero movies,
yeah, but--
1143
01:09:55.334 --> 01:09:57.668
Well, that's what I wanted
to talk to you about.
1144
01:09:57.670 --> 01:10:00.070
We could use
some fresh, young blood.
1145
01:10:00.072 --> 01:10:02.006
I mean, shit!
1146
01:10:02.008 --> 01:10:04.575
Just how many sequels
to "Iron Man,"
1147
01:10:04.577 --> 01:10:07.778
"Thor" and "Captain America"
can we make, right?
1148
01:10:07.780 --> 01:10:09.914
And you're pretty handy
with that bow and arrow.
1149
01:10:09.916 --> 01:10:11.882
Ahem!
1150
01:10:11.884 --> 01:10:13.517
Uh, Nick, the, uh,
1151
01:10:13.519 --> 01:10:15.186
bow and arrow
is sort of my thing.
1152
01:10:15.188 --> 01:10:17.221
Shut your ass, Hawkeye!
1153
01:10:17.223 --> 01:10:19.456
You're lucky you
even in the Avengers!
1154
01:10:19.458 --> 01:10:21.158
Yeah, but--
And don't you think
1155
01:10:21.160 --> 01:10:22.693
for one goddamn minute
1156
01:10:22.695 --> 01:10:25.162
that Marvel is gonna
spin off your character!
1157
01:10:25.164 --> 01:10:27.665
"Hawkeye, colon,
1158
01:10:27.667 --> 01:10:30.467
The Avenger Nobody
Gives a Shit About,"
1159
01:10:30.469 --> 01:10:34.839
will definitely not be coming
soon to a theater near you!
1160
01:10:37.476 --> 01:10:40.144
Burn!
1161
01:10:40.146 --> 01:10:41.145
Burn.
1162
01:10:41.147 --> 01:10:42.146
Ow.
1163
01:10:42.148 --> 01:10:44.048
Oh, stop being
such a cherry!
1164
01:10:44.050 --> 01:10:45.649
So what do you say,
Kantmiss?
1165
01:10:45.651 --> 01:10:47.251
I'm in.
1166
01:10:48.386 --> 01:10:50.754
But, um,
I'm kind of hungry.
1167
01:10:50.756 --> 01:10:52.890
Do you mind if we get
something to eat first?
1168
01:10:52.892 --> 01:10:54.825
Let's go get
some shawarma.
1169
01:10:57.830 --> 01:10:59.530
Avengers assemble!
1170
01:11:00.465 --> 01:11:01.799
Wait, don't step
off those--
1171
01:11:07.472 --> 01:11:08.806
Oops.
1172
01:11:13.346 --> 01:11:16.080
Oh! You know
what that sound means?
1173
01:11:16.082 --> 01:11:20.684
Bob's Post-Game Bloopers.
1174
01:11:23.522 --> 01:11:24.889
Aah!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1175
01:11:27.193 --> 01:11:28.192
Good.
1176
01:11:28.194 --> 01:11:29.693
Blooper reel.
1177
01:11:33.532 --> 01:11:34.331
Ohh.
1178
01:11:34.333 --> 01:11:36.734
Sorry.
1179
01:11:42.008 --> 01:11:44.041
Blooper reel!
1180
01:11:44.043 --> 01:11:45.609
Cutting!
Yeah!
1181
01:11:46.913 --> 01:11:47.912
Oh.
1182
01:11:47.914 --> 01:11:49.780
And the wig is down.
1183
01:11:49.782 --> 01:11:51.382
Okay. I'm sorry.
1184
01:11:51.384 --> 01:11:53.350
I gotta get
more excited about you.
1185
01:11:53.352 --> 01:11:55.185
Let's do it.
1186
01:11:55.187 --> 01:11:56.620
Touch my leg.
1187
01:11:56.622 --> 01:11:57.621
Here we go.
1188
01:11:57.623 --> 01:11:58.622
Dude, stop.
1189
01:11:59.825 --> 01:12:01.625
Prank, take one.
1190
01:12:01.627 --> 01:12:02.593
Ohh!
1191
01:12:02.595 --> 01:12:05.329
Look at you!
1192
01:12:06.264 --> 01:12:09.333
Dale, that's
romantic and all.
1193
01:12:13.873 --> 01:12:16.206
Yes, why don't you
give me a little dance?
1194
01:12:19.946 --> 01:12:22.179
On the down, not the up.
1195
01:12:23.349 --> 01:12:24.682
That's good.
Now like a penguin.
1196
01:12:27.520 --> 01:12:29.987
That's the worst penguin I've ever seen.
Do it again.
1197
01:12:31.390 --> 01:12:34.458
Do you like
watching Pygmies?
1198
01:12:34.460 --> 01:12:37.161
Oh, yeah. Oh.
That looks good.
1199
01:12:37.163 --> 01:12:38.796
Look at that dripping.
1200
01:12:39.631 --> 01:12:41.131
I just got
my back waxed.
1201
01:12:41.133 --> 01:12:43.000
I'm sorry.
1202
01:12:43.002 --> 01:12:44.435
Kick.
Hah!
1203
01:12:45.870 --> 01:12:47.137
Sorry.
1204
01:12:47.139 --> 01:12:48.238
I kicked your ass.
1205
01:12:48.240 --> 01:12:49.506
No, that's fine.
Don't...
1206
01:12:55.548 --> 01:12:58.182
And this
is my sidekick.
1207
01:12:58.184 --> 01:12:59.950
Mother pus.
What'd I say?
1208
01:12:59.952 --> 01:13:01.018
With me.
1209
01:13:01.020 --> 01:13:02.353
And this is...
1210
01:13:02.355 --> 01:13:03.854
Shh.
...my sidekick.
1211
01:13:03.856 --> 01:13:04.822
And this is my sidekick.
1212
01:13:04.824 --> 01:13:06.490
Yeah. That's funny.
You got one line.
1213
01:13:12.597 --> 01:13:14.565
You do.
1214
01:13:15.567 --> 01:13:17.301
Ready?
1215
01:13:17.303 --> 01:13:20.971
And I have
another Tess Tickles.
1216
01:13:20.973 --> 01:13:22.406
I need to see a bi--
1217
01:13:22.408 --> 01:13:24.408
No, it's not,
"I need to see."
1218
01:13:24.410 --> 01:13:27.211
Stop hiding, and show me--
1219
01:13:27.213 --> 01:13:29.179
God damn it.
1220
01:13:29.181 --> 01:13:32.416
I need a pair
of Tess Tickles!
1221
01:13:33.585 --> 01:13:34.585
Shit.
1222
01:13:35.387 --> 01:13:36.820
For bug zapper.
1223
01:13:36.822 --> 01:13:38.355
Contact.
1224
01:13:38.357 --> 01:13:39.356
Contact.
Contact. Contact.
1225
01:13:39.358 --> 01:13:40.691
Uh-oh.
1226
01:13:41.726 --> 01:13:43.460
Hold on.
1227
01:13:50.903 --> 01:13:52.669
I'm sorry.
1228
01:13:56.041 --> 01:13:57.975
A partially
eaten pickle.
1229
01:14:01.146 --> 01:14:02.546
So happy Starving Games,
1230
01:14:02.548 --> 01:14:05.749
and may the odds
be never in your favor.
1231
01:14:06.818 --> 01:14:09.153
That is the worst pickle
I've ever had.
1232
01:14:10.890 --> 01:14:13.857
We have to kill Marco
and win the games.
1233
01:14:13.859 --> 01:14:15.025
Sorry. Ahh. Sorry.
1234
01:14:15.027 --> 01:14:17.361
We have to kill Marco
so we can both go home
1235
01:14:17.363 --> 01:14:19.396
and win the ga--
God damn it. Sorry.
1236
01:14:35.647 --> 01:14:37.114
Wow, that's amazing.
1237
01:14:38.516 --> 01:14:40.217
That is good.
What is that?
1238
01:14:40.219 --> 01:14:41.752
It's a divine mixture
1239
01:14:41.754 --> 01:14:45.055
of fox blood
and bear.
1240
01:14:45.057 --> 01:14:48.759
Delicious. Right?
1241
01:14:48.761 --> 01:14:50.394
Hey!
1242
01:14:56.768 --> 01:14:57.901
Hey, Phil, stay down there
1243
01:14:57.903 --> 01:15:01.004
and put your finger
in his mouth.
1244
01:15:01.006 --> 01:15:03.540
Okay. We're done.
1245
01:15:03.542 --> 01:15:05.375
We're done with this.
1246
01:15:07.580 --> 01:15:08.812
Blooper reel.
1247
01:15:08.814 --> 01:15:10.147
Blooper reel.
1248
01:15:10.149 --> 01:15:11.148
Cutting!
1248
01:15:12.305 --> 01:15:18.664
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