1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM

2
00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:21,447
Jesus Christ.

3
00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:25,483
<i>You are my sunshine</i>

4
00:00:25,484 --> 00:00:28,319
<i>My only sunshine</i>

5
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:33,950
<i>You make me happy
when skies are grey</i>

6
00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:39,956
<i>You'll never know, dear,
how much I love you</i>

7
00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:43,752
<i>Please don't take
my sunshine away</i>

8
00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:51,301
<i>The other night, dear,
as I lay sleeping</i>

9
00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:56,848
<i>I dreamt I held you in my arms</i>

10
00:00:56,849 --> 00:01:02,854
<i>And when I woke,
dear, I was mistaken</i>

11
00:01:02,855 --> 00:01:08,234
<i>And I hung my head and I cried</i>

12
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:13,990
<i>You are my sunshine,
my only sunshine</i>

13
00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:19,913
<i>You make me happy
when skies are grey</i>

14
00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:25,919
<i>You'll never know, dear,
how much I love you</i>

15
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:31,225
<i>Please don't take
my sunshine away</i>

16
00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:02,631
Oh, my God. Why is it so cold?

17
00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:06,126
Get in here.

18
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:08,720
Oh, warmth.

19
00:02:13,676 --> 00:02:15,769
Clementina. Oh, go on. Answer it.

20
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:20,557
No. Don't tell me it's
not working out already.

21
00:02:20,558 --> 00:02:22,725
- Beep.
- But she's lovely, Davin.

22
00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:24,936
You've only been
seeing her two months.

23
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:28,273
Two months and a week on top
of that, so that's nine weeks.

24
00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:30,576
What was it this time?

25
00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:34,112
- Her left eye...
- Oh, God.

26
00:02:34,113 --> 00:02:37,532
This is serious... becomes
slightly lazy when she laughs.

27
00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:39,742
- And that's it?
- That is a valid reason.

28
00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:41,953
What about the last girl, Clare?

29
00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:44,539
- Gummy Anna? Purple, purple gums.
- Yeah.

30
00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,375
- That's right.
- Hey, how are you doing?

31
00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:49,085
- Mm-hm.
- It's me, Anna.

32
00:02:49,086 --> 00:02:52,964
And, er, remember the Galway
girl, um, how were her gums?

33
00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:55,884
Her gums are actually fine,
but what was wrong with her

34
00:02:55,885 --> 00:02:59,721
was her endless humming.
But not songs. No songs.

35
00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:04,309
Just endless, mindless,
tuneless humming.

36
00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:12,451
Reading, driving, walking.

37
00:03:13,903 --> 00:03:15,445
These things are signs.

38
00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:18,448
No, they're not. They're
normal, human characteristics.

39
00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:22,243
You are going to end up on
your own, alone forever.

40
00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:24,412
Don't you want to
find someone to love?

41
00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:27,582
Jesus, Fionan, who are you,
my fucking mother?

42
00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:29,927
When I find someone,
I'll let you know.

43
00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:34,598
Okay.

44
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,805
- How's the wedding plans going?
- Do you really want to know?

45
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,016
- Yeah.
- I'd like to talk about it.

46
00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,319
Still a bit stressed?

47
00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:50,438
Each detail leads
to the next detail

48
00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:54,150
and each decision is as important
as the last. It's exhausting.

49
00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:57,111
- You're a strange, strange man.
- I know.

50
00:03:57,112 --> 00:04:00,907
Oh. I shouldn't be showing you this,
but if I can't show my best man,

51
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,700
- who can I show?
- What is that?

52
00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:17,724
- She looks beautiful.
- I am marrying this woman.

53
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:21,010
Mm.

54
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,313
Congratulations, buddy.

55
00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:27,183
I haven't shown her yet,
so it's a surprise.

56
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:29,644
- Please don't give the game away.
- No, absolutely. I tell you what.

57
00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:31,896
I'm pressed for time, 'cause
we've got to go through

58
00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:35,576
- the name cards and the menu fonts.
- Here it is.

59
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:49,789
- Did... Did you make this?
- I'm a theatre set designer.

60
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,166
Okay, that is an enormous relief.

61
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:55,637
- So what do you think, Linda?
- What I think?

62
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,799
- Wow, Fionan.
- Actually, it's Fion-awwwn.

63
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,552
Oh, I'm sorry. Fion-awn.

64
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:06,097
- One more time, Linda. Fion-awwwn.
- Fion-awn.

65
00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:07,765
Fion-awwwn.

66
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,976
- Fion-awn. Fion-awn.
- Fion-awwwn.

67
00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:12,312
- Awwwn.
- Awn.

68
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:14,656
- Awn. Fion-awn.
- Fion-awwwn.

69
00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:18,401
- Fion-awwwn.
- Thank you.

70
00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:20,987
- So sorry I'm late, guys.
- Hi.

71
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:23,531
- Work is mental. Hi!
- Don't worry.

72
00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:26,418
Hey! Aw!

73
00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:31,632
- Linda, what is it?
- No, no, no. Fion-awwwn.

74
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:34,292
- Surprise.
- No.

75
00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,461
Yes. Look.

76
00:05:36,462 --> 00:05:38,504
This is us.

77
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:42,008
This is where we enter. The
speeches take place over there.

78
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,761
I don't know what to say.
It's so cute.

79
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:48,556
- Oh.
- It's the florist.

80
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,224
Oh, do you want me to...?

81
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,027
No, I'll... Hello?

82
00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:55,521
Look at this, Linda.
It's so intricate.

83
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,315
Isn't it?

84
00:05:57,316 --> 00:06:00,151
Also a little mad. I know.

85
00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:05,782
He is certainly not your average
groom-to-be, not your usual guy.

86
00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:08,326
- In what way?
- Most guys don't give a shit

87
00:06:08,327 --> 00:06:11,079
about details. Usually
they just nod and smile

88
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:14,540
and scrub up for the day. Very
few of them make a doll's house.

89
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,469
- Oh, it's a diorama.
- Yeah, that's the word.

90
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,922
- And he is so metro.
- Metro?

91
00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:23,424
Metrose... politan. Metropolitan.

92
00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:26,177
Usually, the only plans
men care about are

93
00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:27,929
the ones they make for
their stag weekend.

94
00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:31,233
- No, Fionan's not going on a stag.
- That makes sense.

95
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:36,979
That was the florist, Linda,
saying the bouquets

96
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,065
- do not have to be ranunculus.
- Oh.

97
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,775
Did you have a conversation
about ranunculus?

98
00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:42,902
I um...

99
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,029
Ranunculus.

100
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:47,073
- I'm worried about Linda.
- Oh?

101
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:50,118
Are you listening to me?
I have problems with Linda.

102
00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:52,495
- We should fire her.
- What?

103
00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:54,163
We are a month from the wedding.

104
00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:58,376
A wedding that's going to look
like it took place in McDonald's.

105
00:06:58,377 --> 00:07:00,336
Sit down.

106
00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:02,505
Sit down.

107
00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:05,550
Our wedding day is
about me and you,

108
00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:10,888
not about... place-card fonts,
or... thematic coherence.

109
00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,890
The theme is us.

110
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:15,935
We've got to focus on why
we're marrying each other.

111
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,895
Focus on the why.

112
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,981
I'm so sorry.

113
00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:22,817
I'm going nuts trying to make sure
it's the best day in your life

114
00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:27,029
because... I already know it's
going to be the best day in mine.

115
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:29,916
You don't have to try
and make it perfect.

116
00:07:30,826 --> 00:07:33,795
It'll already be the
happiest day of my life.

117
00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:40,293
But for me, the section of the book
concerning Levin and agrarian reform

118
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:43,004
engages the heart just as much,

119
00:07:43,005 --> 00:07:48,769
because we stand rooted to the earth
for far longer than we ever are...

120
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,980
in love.

121
00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:55,057
So we'll leave that there.

122
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:57,435
- Thanks, folks.
- Hi.

123
00:07:57,436 --> 00:08:01,230
- Hello.
- So I was just passing through.

124
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:03,983
Passing through? Okay.

125
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:08,571
Okay. I need you to
organise a stag for Fionan.

126
00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:11,115
Fionan is not a stag guy.

127
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:14,785
That is why I need you to
organise a stag for Fionan.

128
00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:20,208
- Why do you want that?
- He's too caught up in all of the...

129
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,084
The wedding.

130
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:25,588
- Okay, yes. Yes.
- Yes.

131
00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:28,099
Have you any ideas what
we could do or...?

132
00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:35,014
You go walking and hiking and
like scaling mountains and stuff.

133
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,266
Yeah, I've still got the
compass you gave me.

134
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,810
Oh, you still have that?

135
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:42,489
- It's a great compass.
- Yeah.

136
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,983
Okay, well, I will float that.

137
00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:49,871
- Thank you, Davin.
- You know, it is Fionan, so don't

138
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:53,282
- get your hopes up.
- I am marrying him, Davin.

139
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:55,368
Yeah.

140
00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:58,788
But get him up a mountain.
Seriously, get him up a mountain.

141
00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:01,541
- Yes, sir.
- Okay.

142
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:04,293
Thank you. Hey, I'll
see you on Sunday.

143
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,596
- You will.
- Okay.

144
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:21,269
Hello! How are you?

145
00:09:21,270 --> 00:09:23,896
Oh, lovely. Thank you very much.

146
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,485
- Hi, everyone. How are you doing?
- Hey, Davin.

147
00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,862
- All right?
- Yeah, yeah, good.

148
00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:34,291
Cheers, guys. Cheers.

149
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:42,206
That is the thing about walking
that people don't get.

150
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:45,626
- It's tough. It's pretty wild.
- But you're still just walking.

151
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:49,630
You are still walking, Fionan, but
you're also climbing for bits of it.

152
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:53,467
- Do you kill your food?
- No, no, I bring energy bars.

153
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:56,137
- And bananas.
- In Iceland, Uli and her family

154
00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:58,889
bring hunting tools when they hike.

155
00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:00,975
They can source snacks and things.

156
00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:03,352
- Snacks?
- Like reindeers and salmons?

157
00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:06,439
- Yes, that is what we kill.
- Good.

158
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,566
What about you, Fionan,
what do you do for exercise?

159
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:13,070
- I walk to work and back daily.
- Oh, punishing.

160
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:16,198
He also gets lots of exercise
arguing with our wedding planner.

161
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:18,835
Lively collaboration.

162
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:24,090
Actually, speaking of walking...

163
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:29,545
Men, Simon, the Kevinses, how do you
feel about a little walking holiday

164
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:32,298
to drag Fionan here away
from the wedding planner

165
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,675
and out into the fresh air?

166
00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:36,677
Like a stag?

167
00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:40,014
Rugged gentlemen, alone up
a mountain, sounds great.

168
00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:43,267
- I'd find a way to enjoy that.
- Great, brilliant. Simon?

169
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:47,355
- Uli knows I'm good in the wild.
- You're not good in the wild.

170
00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:51,442
- Fionan?
- Yeah, no. No way. No stags so...

171
00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:53,819
Fionan, have you ever
even been on a stag?

172
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,781
- No.
- So not even a weekend walk?

173
00:10:56,782 --> 00:10:59,950
I don't enjoy being in exclusively
male company for long periods.

174
00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:03,829
There's something forced about
it and false, all that banter...

175
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,874
I mean, under what other
circumstances would we five

176
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:10,002
ever agree to be in a
tent in the shitting rain

177
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:13,798
in mid-November all for the
sake of some needless ritual?

178
00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:15,966
So er, so what about
hens in general?

179
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:19,804
Or my hen, is that just some
stupid needless ritual?

180
00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:24,234
Oh, no, babe, but I would
happily go on your hen night.

181
00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:28,405
You want to go on my hen?

182
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,943
Okay, Fionan, one of my
favourite things to do

183
00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:37,655
is have sex with a man and even
for me that's a bit too gay.

184
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:43,327
No, come on, guys. Leave him alone.
Fionan has got his principles.

185
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:47,257
Maybe a walking holiday's just a
bit too rough and tumble for him.

186
00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:49,667
Okay, Davin.

187
00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:51,502
Yeah, okay, fine.

188
00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:53,170
Yeah, stag it is.

189
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:55,131
Yay, stag.

190
00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:58,184
The stag!

191
00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:02,355
Well done, bro.

192
00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:07,610
Is this something that we need?

193
00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:16,578
The spoon, so you just eat.

194
00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:30,091
Argh!

195
00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:33,303
- No?
- No.

196
00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:45,973
Ooh.

197
00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:49,894
- Is this our tent?
- That is a tent, eh? Look at this.

198
00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:02,323
- Should we... Should we... buy it?
- Yes.

199
00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:04,283
- Let's go for it.
- Let's do it.

200
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,495
Okay. Let's buy it. Let's
pay up and get out of here.

201
00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:10,247
- Careful, are you okay?
- Yeah.

202
00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,124
- You're fine?
- I'm fine.

203
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,585
Okay. It's stuck.

204
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:16,962
- No. Just give it a tug.
- Unstick it. It's a zip.

205
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,756
- It's caught.
- Give me a go.

206
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:22,551
- Don't force it.
- Gently.

207
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,479
Just prise it.

208
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:28,474
- Oh!
- We are stuck in a tent.

209
00:13:31,228 --> 00:13:33,771
- Okay, try that one.
- Got a can opener?

210
00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:36,116
One, two, three.

211
00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:38,526
Wait, wait, wait, careful.

212
00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:42,488
- Hello?
- We're in the forest display!

213
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,324
- Is there another exit?
- Stop pushing.

214
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,493
Help!

215
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,161
Hello?

216
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,830
Oh, Jesus Christ.

217
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:53,374
Don't panic! Don't panic! Okay?!

218
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:56,293
- Get me out of here.
- Get off of me!

219
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:59,338
- Hello?
- Whoa! Ah!

220
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:05,386
- What are you doing?
- We're trying to buy a tent.

221
00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:08,138
Simon, you're crushing me to death!

222
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:10,817
Simon!

223
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,112
Yes, it's lovely. We'll take it.

224
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:18,408
- Are you ready?
- I'm ready.

225
00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:22,111
Woof.

226
00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:23,654
Grrr!

227
00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:26,615
Oh, don't tie me up with
your rope, Mr Stag Man!

228
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,534
I love it! I want it all off!

229
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,911
If I'd known you were so
into this, I'd have tracked

230
00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:33,122
and shot a squirrel or something.

231
00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:35,291
Hey, now you're going on a stag.

232
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:38,928
- Yeah, baby.
- You have to invite The Machine.

233
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:42,339
- What?
- Well, he's my brother.

234
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:45,676
- He's gonna be your brother, too.
- My brother-in-law!

235
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:48,888
That's what stags are for, getting
to know each other better.

236
00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,431
I already know him.

237
00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:52,474
- Properly.
- Properly I know him.

238
00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:57,062
You guys haven't bonded. I know
that he can be a bit full-on,

239
00:14:57,063 --> 00:15:00,241
but The Machine is a good man.

240
00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:03,193
You have to invite him.

241
00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:05,237
- No.
- Yes.

242
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,073
- No, no.
- Yes.

243
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,658
- This is the brother who...
- Yes.

244
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:11,785
- With the... and the...
- Yup. Mm-hm.

245
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:14,163
No. No. No.

246
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:16,832
- We are doomed.
- We'll call off the stag.

247
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:20,878
We can't. She'll know why.
There is no exit strategy here.

248
00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:23,088
- The Machine.
- The Machine!

249
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:26,759
You have no idea what it's like to
spend five minutes with this man

250
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,763
over drinks on Christmas Eve, let
alone a whole weekend up a mountain!

251
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:34,767
He is insane and as far as I'm
concerned, it is all your fault.

252
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:37,311
- Why is it my fault?
- For suggesting the idea.

253
00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,480
In the first place,
like an imbecile.

254
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,941
- I didn't... I...
- You should never dabble

255
00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:43,943
in social conventions that
were not designed for you.

256
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:47,288
Jesus, Fionan, I'm at work. I'm
actually about to give a lecture.

257
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,660
- You fix it.
- Okay, yeah, I'll fix it.

258
00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:56,872
I'll call him. I'll say it's
kind of a literary walk.

259
00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,832
- No, religious.
- Yeah, religious.

260
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:00,501
A religious pilgrimage.

261
00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:04,213
A religious abstinent
pilgrimage to various shrines.

262
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:08,968
A silent, religious abstinent
pilgrimage to various shrines.

263
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:12,137
- Ancient shrines.
- Say the weather forecast is bad.

264
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:14,515
- Terrible weather.
- Tell him the Kevins are gay.

265
00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:18,060
- Make them trannies.
- Vestite or sexual?

266
00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:20,729
- Vestite. Do it now. Make the call.
- Now?

267
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:23,232
- I can't work until it's done.
- Yeah, okay, I can't either.

268
00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:26,068
- Give me your phone.
- What do you mean? Why?

269
00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:28,821
No, but why can't we
do it on your phone?

270
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,915
Because you're the best man.

271
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,993
Shit.

272
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,920
Okay.

273
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,551
It's ringing.

274
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,757
Voicemail.

275
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:54,105
Leave a message for The
Machine on the machine!

276
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:59,360
Hi. This is Davin. I'm a friend of
Fionan's who's marrying your sister.

277
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:02,187
This weekend we are going...

278
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:06,191
We are embarking on a
silent walking retreat

279
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:09,987
with some transsexual
friends of ours in the rain

280
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:12,740
and we wanted to let you know that.

281
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:16,869
Er... you can call me back if you
want, but it will be just as I say,

282
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,872
wet and silent and
boring and weird.

283
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:22,175
Okay, bye-bye-

284
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:26,471
Keep me posted. Remember,
this is all your fault.

285
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,468
Okay.

286
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:34,604
Dostoevsky.

287
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:39,266
Oh!

288
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,934
Hi, girls!

289
00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:42,519
Hey.

290
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,396
We need to go, okay?

291
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,356
24 missed calls.

292
00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:48,317
- My God.
- Yeah. Let's go.

293
00:17:48,318 --> 00:17:50,027
Let's go, okay?

294
00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:52,330
Davin, come here.

295
00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:54,990
- Where is The Machine?
- Oh, yeah.

296
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:57,076
We've been playing phone tag,
but he's got the details.

297
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,745
- He's making his own way down.
- He's making his own way down?

298
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,839
He's making his own way down.

299
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:05,209
Okay. He's making his own way down.

300
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,086
- Have fun!
- Okay, you too!

301
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:08,754
- Bye.
- Bye, have fun. Bye.

302
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,881
Bye!

303
00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:12,841
Let's go!

304
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:17,146
Okay, okay.

305
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,411
This is actually going to be fun.

306
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,705
Bye!

307
00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:39,544
Okay, just one call.
I'm so sorry. One second.

308
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:46,875
The Machine, hi.

309
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:51,013
Listen, I'm just checking that
you do know about this stag.

310
00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:53,882
Oh, yeah. Did he call you back?

311
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,135
No?

312
00:18:56,136 --> 00:19:00,731
Well, I can give you the address.
Yeah, I'll text it to you right now.

313
00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:02,975
Guys, I just want to say,

314
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,185
I know I was really reluctant
about the idea of a stag.

315
00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:07,521
but I think this is
going to be brilliant

316
00:19:07,522 --> 00:19:10,858
and I'd just like to thank my
best man and best friend Davin

317
00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:12,952
for putting it all together, okay?

318
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,115
Well, now that we're all
here, I can tell you that

319
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:20,367
we dodged a serious bullet today.

320
00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:24,163
- Yes, we did.
- You know Ruth's brother?

321
00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:26,373
- The Machine knows about this?
- Yeah.

322
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,417
- The Machine?
- You don't want to know.

323
00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,586
- Yes, I do.
- Davin here took one for the team.

324
00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:35,257
And after an elaborate
subterfuge and 28 missed calls

325
00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:37,467
and 24 messages...

326
00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:40,220
- Oh, play one. Play a voice mail.
- Dare I?

327
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,764
I've never actually
heard this guy's voice,

328
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:45,809
but the stories would make
your shit turn white.

329
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,352
This is genius.

330
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:50,981
Okay, Gavin, or whatever your
little name is, it's The Machine.

331
00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:55,569
I'm sitting here with an enormous,
raging stag boner on me right now.

332
00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:58,906
You hear me knocking, let me in.
First thought right out of the gate.

333
00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:05,120
We are going To Africa!

334
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:07,206
Activities, harness wedgies,

335
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:10,209
six men, three bed sheets,
a pound of chicken fat

336
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:14,087
and we don't shave his
balls, we shave his asshole!

337
00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:16,173
Put a little lipstick
on the ring piece.

338
00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:18,342
Might be a job for those
trannies you mentioned.

339
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,886
Think global here,
Facebook, Twitter,

340
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,722
anything that will allow it
for five minutes and boom,

341
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,767
the whole world's looking at
Fionan's dolled-up kicker.

342
00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:31,813
Are you with me? It is insane that
you have not called me back yet.

343
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:36,244
I've done 22 tours of duty, my man.
I'm gonna get nuclear on you.

344
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:40,989
Davin, Davin, Davin.
Just give it to me, Davin.

345
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:43,292
What the fuck did you just...

346
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,411
Yeah.

347
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:47,913
- Is that...
- The Machine!

348
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:50,582
- Konnichiwa, fuck sticks.
- Hello.

349
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:54,670
I'll deal with you in a minute.
Which dick slice is your commander?

350
00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:56,713
- What?
- Who's the point man?

351
00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:59,299
- Is that a sports thing?
- Your best man, groom job.

352
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,561
This is him.

353
00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:05,180
- Kevin?
- Davin.

354
00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:07,766
- Gavin?
- No, Davin.

355
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:10,060
- No, Gavin.
- No, Davin with a D.

356
00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:12,813
- No, Gavin with a G.
- Oh, okay.

357
00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:15,565
So Muggins here has to drop
everything in his life

358
00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:17,609
and drive 220 miles on the fly,

359
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:20,904
because this little cum sock can't
answer a fucking telephone!

360
00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:24,074
- Because... No, because...
- Why aren't you standing?

361
00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:26,127
Be...

362
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:31,164
- Listen, The Machine...
- And the kicker, my sister.

363
00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:33,333
That is to say the
fucking bride-to-be

364
00:21:33,334 --> 00:21:37,087
has to call me her own self to fill
me in on this little circle jerk!

365
00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:39,256
- Wait a second, because...
- Do you have any idea

366
00:21:39,257 --> 00:21:43,135
how many rules of stag protocol you
have ass-mangled in that one move?

367
00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:46,054
That is a heinous dereliction
of best-man duty!

368
00:21:46,055 --> 00:21:49,266
Yo-se, the brother-in-law
ese, comprendez?

369
00:21:49,267 --> 00:21:52,894
- Okay, okay.
- I ought to pluck every pubic hair

370
00:21:52,895 --> 00:21:56,064
on your girly ass from your
balls to your brow right here

371
00:21:56,065 --> 00:21:57,899
in this place with my teeth!

372
00:21:57,900 --> 00:22:02,904
Oh, er, I actually
tried to call you.

373
00:22:02,905 --> 00:22:05,157
- Where's your phone, soldier?
- What?

374
00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:07,668
Give me your goddamn
phone, shit bird.

375
00:22:14,042 --> 00:22:16,344
Sorry, just a sec.

376
00:22:17,378 --> 00:22:19,680
There you go.

377
00:22:22,091 --> 00:22:23,925
- When did this take place?
- Just now.

378
00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:26,678
- Why did this take place?
- The phone's a really bad phone

379
00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:29,056
and I've been having a bit
of difficulty with it

380
00:22:29,057 --> 00:22:33,727
and I really got just so frustrated
at it, I erm... I erm...

381
00:22:33,728 --> 00:22:36,238
I fucked it in a jug of water!

382
00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:40,359
His phone's been on the blink.

383
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:43,987
I had to call Fionan, because
I couldn't get through to Davin.

384
00:22:43,988 --> 00:22:46,791
He's been quite un-contactable.

385
00:22:52,497 --> 00:22:55,174
Look at your fucking face, Gay-vin.

386
00:22:59,045 --> 00:23:01,963
You must be spitting feathers.
Let me hose that down,

387
00:23:01,964 --> 00:23:06,718
because... At ease, folks! I am here
now and that is the main thing.

388
00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:09,605
Reporting for duty.

389
00:23:10,473 --> 00:23:12,724
- Come here, Fionan!
- Argh! Argh!

390
00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:15,477
- That really hurts, The Machine!
- Good to see you.

391
00:23:15,478 --> 00:23:17,979
- Yeah, thanks for coming down.
- No problem!

392
00:23:17,980 --> 00:23:21,033
- God!
- Sound off. Who have we got here?

393
00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:24,236
- Who's this little choir boy?
- Er, Simon.

394
00:23:24,237 --> 00:23:26,196
Hi Th-imon!

395
00:23:26,197 --> 00:23:28,031
Why do I know you?

396
00:23:28,032 --> 00:23:30,575
The Machine, this is
my brother Kevin.

397
00:23:30,576 --> 00:23:33,328
Oh, that makes us huggers!
Get in here, bro!

398
00:23:33,329 --> 00:23:36,799
Ha-ha! Good to see you. Get
down there. What the fuck is that?

399
00:23:37,708 --> 00:23:41,044
Er, yes, The Machine.
This is Kevin's...

400
00:23:41,045 --> 00:23:43,422
Dad?

401
00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:46,258
- This is also Kevin.
- You're both called Kevin?

402
00:23:46,259 --> 00:23:47,926
- That's right.
- That's ridiculous.

403
00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:49,928
- What do you call each other?
- Kevin.

404
00:23:49,929 --> 00:23:52,764
Insane. Okay, big
Kevin, little Kevin.

405
00:23:52,765 --> 00:23:57,519
- Look, I'm actually not that big.
- Noted. Enormous Kevin. Tiny Kevin.

406
00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,981
Okay, housekeeping done.
Budge up, budge up, budge up.

407
00:24:00,982 --> 00:24:03,733
Chief bridesmaid, hit
me with the itinerary.

408
00:24:03,734 --> 00:24:06,570
Have it downloaded
before I make party.

409
00:24:06,571 --> 00:24:09,739
I mean, I'm good,
but even I couldn't decipher

410
00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:11,741
the code in your voice message.

411
00:24:11,742 --> 00:24:14,828
Religious walking retreat I presume
is the pub crawl from hell.

412
00:24:14,829 --> 00:24:17,497
Am I right? That I got,
but the tranny twist,

413
00:24:17,498 --> 00:24:21,126
I was all like, what the fuck
are we talking here? Bangkok?

414
00:24:21,127 --> 00:24:24,754
Saigon? And then I cracked it.

415
00:24:24,755 --> 00:24:27,892
Fellas, are we going to Cardiff?

416
00:24:31,471 --> 00:24:34,306
Look at you parched
little lizards. Bar Wench!

417
00:24:34,307 --> 00:24:37,517
A tray of shot glasses
and a bottle yesterday!

418
00:24:37,518 --> 00:24:41,229
This little single-cell organism
is getting fucking married!

419
00:24:41,230 --> 00:24:43,532
To my sister.

420
00:24:44,567 --> 00:24:47,569
- What the fuck are we going to do?
- There's nothing we can do.

421
00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:49,863
- What the fuck can we do?
- I'm letting you know now

422
00:24:49,864 --> 00:24:52,657
I'm leaving first thing in the morning.
I'll make my excuses.

423
00:24:52,658 --> 00:24:54,910
- Fuck you!
- I didn't sign up for this.

424
00:24:54,911 --> 00:24:59,122
Go fuck. Had I known
that he was even a possibility?

425
00:24:59,123 --> 00:25:02,501
- Come on, Simon!
- Fuck you! This is your shit.

426
00:25:02,502 --> 00:25:05,253
Fionan is getting married. Like it
or not, you were on his stag.

427
00:25:05,254 --> 00:25:08,798
- Show some loyalty for fuck's sake.
- Also you have to drive us home.

428
00:25:08,799 --> 00:25:10,592
Thanks, Bernard. Good man.

429
00:25:10,593 --> 00:25:13,178
- He's coming.
- Well, I'm going to bed.

430
00:25:13,179 --> 00:25:16,681
- Erm, me, too.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

431
00:25:16,682 --> 00:25:20,143
- Park it, sisters, mandatory shots.
- Oh.

432
00:25:20,144 --> 00:25:22,896
We were just on our way to
bed before you arrived.

433
00:25:22,897 --> 00:25:25,232
We've a long day of
walking tomorrow.

434
00:25:25,233 --> 00:25:27,400
Walking whence? From pub to pub?

435
00:25:27,401 --> 00:25:30,237
No, walking. Walking
like proper hiking.

436
00:25:30,238 --> 00:25:33,281
- No, incorrect.
- Actually we are, The Machine.

437
00:25:33,282 --> 00:25:37,577
Walking and camping and, er,
praying, mountain praying.

438
00:25:37,578 --> 00:25:41,790
Just a lot of... Got a lot
of stuff. And camping.

439
00:25:41,791 --> 00:25:44,459
- Okay.
- I just wanted to, you know,

440
00:25:44,460 --> 00:25:46,586
get out in the wild.

441
00:25:46,587 --> 00:25:48,964
What the...

442
00:25:48,965 --> 00:25:54,302
You rampant homosexualists.

443
00:25:54,303 --> 00:25:56,263
Wow.

444
00:25:56,264 --> 00:26:01,017
Okay, The Machine, Kevin and
Kevin here are literally gay.

445
00:26:01,018 --> 00:26:03,228
So they have an excuse, but
suddenly you three little geeks

446
00:26:03,229 --> 00:26:05,739
- want to start chewing cock?
- Okay.

447
00:26:06,732 --> 00:26:11,027
I'm sorry about the confusion.
Clearly this isn't your thing.

448
00:26:11,028 --> 00:26:14,656
So, erm, I can offer to
pay for your petrol.

449
00:26:14,657 --> 00:26:16,616
Ten-hut, Private Gay-vin!

450
00:26:16,617 --> 00:26:18,994
You just narrowly survived
your own court-martial

451
00:26:18,995 --> 00:26:21,162
and now you say that
I go AWOL on duty.

452
00:26:21,163 --> 00:26:23,915
You have got the balls
of a baboon, boy.

453
00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:26,167
Yes, it is alarmingly shit,

454
00:26:26,168 --> 00:26:28,962
but if that's what fun
bags wants to do,

455
00:26:28,963 --> 00:26:33,800
to get out in the wild,
then, fellas, I'm in.

456
00:26:33,801 --> 00:26:36,553
Hey.

457
00:26:36,554 --> 00:26:38,680
I'm all in.

458
00:26:38,681 --> 00:26:41,141
- Okay, good.
- Yeah.

459
00:26:41,142 --> 00:26:42,684
- Brilliant.
- So you little gerbils,

460
00:26:42,685 --> 00:26:45,520
snuggle down in the sawdust and
I'll see you at the crack.

461
00:26:45,521 --> 00:26:50,117
This is a doozy of a stag town.
Disappear from mine eyes.

462
00:27:18,512 --> 00:27:21,023
- Morning!
- Shhh!

463
00:27:23,434 --> 00:27:25,736
Let's go.

464
00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:37,322
Jesus.

465
00:27:37,323 --> 00:27:39,625
Earthlings!

466
00:27:40,368 --> 00:27:43,286
- Balls.
- ¿Qué pasa?

467
00:27:43,287 --> 00:27:45,288
The Machine, there you are.

468
00:27:45,289 --> 00:27:48,041
And there you all are.

469
00:27:48,042 --> 00:27:50,928
Five little Hobbits heading
out from the shire.

470
00:27:51,837 --> 00:27:54,214
This way.

471
00:27:54,215 --> 00:27:56,475
The Machine, you
don't have any gear!

472
00:28:01,597 --> 00:28:04,733
That is not a
recognised bridle path!

473
00:28:17,613 --> 00:28:19,781
Watch for splinters. Oh.

474
00:28:37,967 --> 00:28:41,136
No signal. Wow. We're out there.

475
00:28:41,137 --> 00:28:43,888
Me neither. Rural.

476
00:28:43,889 --> 00:28:45,724
Me neither, that's my only compass.

477
00:28:45,725 --> 00:28:47,726
Well, at least you
have a phone, Fionan.

478
00:28:47,727 --> 00:28:50,270
At least it isn't dead from some
idiot dropping it in a pint.

479
00:28:50,271 --> 00:28:52,397
And you'd rather I'd have let
what was unfolding unfold.

480
00:28:52,398 --> 00:28:55,734
Let's put our phones in this Ziploc
so that we are free of the urge

481
00:28:55,735 --> 00:28:58,778
- to keep checking all the time.
- Is that wise?

482
00:28:58,779 --> 00:29:01,948
Yeah, let's go offline
for, like, two whole days.

483
00:29:01,949 --> 00:29:05,994
Two whole days?
I'm not sure that's wise.

484
00:29:05,995 --> 00:29:09,330
- Come on. Come on, Simon.
- Come on, Simon.

485
00:29:11,375 --> 00:29:15,054
Anyway, I've got this here
compass to keep us on track.

486
00:29:20,843 --> 00:29:23,386
Plop.

487
00:29:23,387 --> 00:29:26,431
Oh, Jesus. No, no, no.
Oh, Jesus. No, no, no!

488
00:29:26,432 --> 00:29:29,225
That was incredibly rude and
annoying and also we need that.

489
00:29:29,226 --> 00:29:32,061
- We don't need it. Boom.
- We need a compass to find the way.

490
00:29:32,062 --> 00:29:34,606
We need to get lost. You put
that compass in the bag

491
00:29:34,607 --> 00:29:39,444
and Susan here will be like, "Let's
take the compass!" Unacceptable.

492
00:29:39,445 --> 00:29:43,031
The compass dies... phew-uck!
We're reborn.

493
00:29:43,032 --> 00:29:47,327
- But it's dangerous!
- Of courth ith dangerouth, Thimon!

494
00:29:47,328 --> 00:29:49,579
We are going off-piste.

495
00:29:49,580 --> 00:29:53,208
That compass was handmade,
you fucking oaf!

496
00:29:53,209 --> 00:29:54,876
Well, if that's your beef,
I'll buy you a new one.

497
00:29:54,877 --> 00:30:01,049
No, you imbecile! It had sentimental
value! It was given to me by...

498
00:30:01,050 --> 00:30:02,842
By someone!

499
00:30:02,843 --> 00:30:05,187
Oh, your old geography
teacher, Mr Kennedy.

500
00:30:06,222 --> 00:30:08,223
Your husband... I'm
sorry, your ex-husband.

501
00:30:08,224 --> 00:30:11,851
- Jesus, can you please...
- You do not need that compass.

502
00:30:11,852 --> 00:30:14,738
You need to roam free.

503
00:30:16,941 --> 00:30:18,867
All in.

504
00:30:21,695 --> 00:30:24,206
I don't even have a lisp.

505
00:30:35,334 --> 00:30:39,128
<i>One life, one need</i>

506
00:30:39,129 --> 00:30:41,506
<i>In the night</i>

507
00:30:41,507 --> 00:30:46,094
<i>One love, we get to share it</i>

508
00:30:46,095 --> 00:30:52,725
<i>Leaves you, baby,
if you do not care for it...</i>

509
00:30:55,104 --> 00:30:57,438
- Jesus, this song
- I know.

510
00:30:57,439 --> 00:30:59,274
- Not digging the tunes?
- Nope.

511
00:30:59,275 --> 00:31:03,036
- Why not?
- I can't abide U2.

512
00:31:07,032 --> 00:31:09,284
- Lies.
- Excuse me.

513
00:31:09,285 --> 00:31:12,120
- You actually do like U2.
- Actually I don't.

514
00:31:12,121 --> 00:31:14,539
You don't like their music,
or you don't like Bono?

515
00:31:14,540 --> 00:31:17,083
That would be a firm
negative in both cases.

516
00:31:17,084 --> 00:31:22,338
All right, fingers on buzzers.
Yes or no, "With Or Without you"?

517
00:31:22,339 --> 00:31:25,174
- Without you.
- "New Year's Day"?

518
00:31:25,175 --> 00:31:27,343
- No.
- "Mysterious Ways"?

519
00:31:27,344 --> 00:31:28,970
- Negative.
- "Bad"?

520
00:31:28,971 --> 00:31:30,638
- Very bad.
- "Pride"?

521
00:31:30,639 --> 00:31:32,348
- Shame.
- "Vertigo"?

522
00:31:32,349 --> 00:31:34,642
- Vertig-no.
- "Streets"?

523
00:31:34,643 --> 00:31:37,645
The Machine, if it's by U2,
I'm not going to like it.

524
00:31:37,646 --> 00:31:39,564
- Have you seen them live?
- Once.

525
00:31:39,565 --> 00:31:41,774
- You didn't cry?
- I left.

526
00:31:41,775 --> 00:31:43,619
- No!
- He left.

527
00:31:45,362 --> 00:31:48,114
- You are Irish, right?
- What's that got to do with it?

528
00:31:48,115 --> 00:31:50,792
Ah-ah-ah-ah, Private
Gav, fight your own war.

529
00:31:51,702 --> 00:31:56,956
You know, Cyborg, one day,
at some point in your life,

530
00:31:56,957 --> 00:31:59,927
you are going to find yourself
listening to a U2 song

531
00:32:01,003 --> 00:32:03,922
with tears pouring down your cheeks

532
00:32:03,923 --> 00:32:07,226
and on that day, for it
will come, my friend...

533
00:32:08,052 --> 00:32:10,520
I want you to remember this face.

534
00:32:11,597 --> 00:32:13,973
- What the fuck is wrong with him?
- Chill out.

535
00:32:13,974 --> 00:32:16,276
This face.

536
00:32:17,394 --> 00:32:19,696
I'm going to be there, Cyborg.

537
00:32:22,942 --> 00:32:24,609
- Well, I'm going back.
- I'm going back.

538
00:32:24,610 --> 00:32:27,153
- No, no, you're not.
- Simon, Davin, come on.

539
00:32:27,154 --> 00:32:29,456
Go, go.

540
00:32:30,991 --> 00:32:33,293
Go.

541
00:32:34,787 --> 00:32:37,121
I was reading this thing
in "The Guardian"

542
00:32:37,122 --> 00:32:39,666
about the difference between
mushrooms and toadstools.

543
00:32:39,667 --> 00:32:43,002
Apparently, there's only one
toadstool that isn't poisonous

544
00:32:43,003 --> 00:32:46,339
and it either is red,
or it isn't red.

545
00:32:46,340 --> 00:32:48,091
I can't remember.

546
00:32:48,092 --> 00:32:51,427
Fionan, have you told them
your story about Bikram yoga?

547
00:32:51,428 --> 00:32:54,847
I had a panic attack and
they asked me to leave.

548
00:32:54,848 --> 00:32:57,016
Why did you even do bikram
if you're not obese?

549
00:32:57,017 --> 00:32:59,185
I'm not obese because I did bikram.

550
00:32:59,186 --> 00:33:01,354
You did it one time and
you had a panic attack.

551
00:33:01,355 --> 00:33:03,657
Once was enough.

552
00:33:07,653 --> 00:33:10,405
"There's been a lot of talk
about this next song."

553
00:33:10,406 --> 00:33:15,451
- That's a grave.
- "This song is not a rebel song."

554
00:33:15,452 --> 00:33:19,956
This song is "Sunday,
Bloody Sunday."

555
00:33:19,957 --> 00:33:22,041
We got a concert.

556
00:33:22,042 --> 00:33:24,761
Simon, I'll make a deal with you.

557
00:33:25,462 --> 00:33:27,588
When you design a website
that has the same

558
00:33:27,589 --> 00:33:30,133
raw, emotional power as a U2 song,

559
00:33:30,134 --> 00:33:34,804
then you can climb up here and
shout out the HTML code. Send.

560
00:33:34,805 --> 00:33:38,891
I do more than design websites and
I don't even write HTML code.

561
00:33:38,892 --> 00:33:42,395
That, like U2, stopped being
important about 20 years ago.

562
00:33:42,396 --> 00:33:44,439
In fact, like U2,
it's now something

563
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:47,775
that can be replicated
by a piece of software.

564
00:33:47,776 --> 00:33:49,444
Brain or heart?

565
00:33:49,445 --> 00:33:51,654
- What?
- Pick an organ, brain or heart?

566
00:33:51,655 --> 00:33:54,115
I get one?

567
00:33:54,116 --> 00:33:56,743
- You get one.
- Brain.

568
00:33:56,744 --> 00:33:59,713
Okay, do you prefer
machines to humans?

569
00:34:01,248 --> 00:34:03,207
Sometimes, yes.

570
00:34:03,208 --> 00:34:05,376
What do you drive?

571
00:34:05,377 --> 00:34:10,757
I drive a 2012 BMW X5.

572
00:34:10,758 --> 00:34:12,893
Show me the keys.

573
00:34:16,055 --> 00:34:18,056
Throw them up.

574
00:34:18,057 --> 00:34:20,600
When you've finished desecrating
that famine memorial

575
00:34:20,601 --> 00:34:22,769
and you come down,
I will let you inspect them.

576
00:34:22,770 --> 00:34:24,771
Are you afraid I will
laugh at how you throw?

577
00:34:24,772 --> 00:34:27,398
If that's what you're worried
about let me assure you

578
00:34:27,399 --> 00:34:29,534
that is 1,000% what
I'm going to do.

579
00:34:31,570 --> 00:34:33,446
No, don't throw them, Simon...

580
00:34:33,447 --> 00:34:35,540
Argh!

581
00:34:42,081 --> 00:34:44,758
Are you kidding me?!

582
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:49,045
Oh, Jesus! They're gone!

583
00:34:49,046 --> 00:34:51,839
- They're gone! They're gone!
- Well done, Simon.

584
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:55,060
- Why didn't you catch them?
- You threw them like an idiot.

585
00:34:57,554 --> 00:34:59,648
What does your brain
say you should do?

586
00:35:03,644 --> 00:35:05,770
My heart agrees with you.

587
00:35:07,272 --> 00:35:09,950
That's a big rock to start with.

588
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:50,115
Okay, maybe we should just
pitch camp here for the night.

589
00:35:51,316 --> 00:35:52,984
Yeah, let's stop for the night.

590
00:35:52,985 --> 00:35:57,572
I saw a nice little lake over there
if anyone wants to clean up.

591
00:35:57,573 --> 00:36:01,617
- We are extremely filthy.
- You guys go. I'll pitch the tent.

592
00:36:01,618 --> 00:36:04,954
I'll pitch the tent, Fionan. A bit
more experience in that area.

593
00:36:04,955 --> 00:36:07,874
- So you go on with them.
- I can pitch a tent, FYI.

594
00:36:07,875 --> 00:36:11,377
I know you can, but we're losing the
light and we need to get it up fast.

595
00:36:11,378 --> 00:36:13,629
- So I'm happy to take it.
- I can pitch it just as fast.

596
00:36:13,630 --> 00:36:15,923
I have a number of the relevant
proficiency badges from the scouts.

597
00:36:15,924 --> 00:36:17,717
A number of what?

598
00:36:17,718 --> 00:36:21,053
Proficiency badges.
Proficiency badges, erm, okay.

599
00:36:21,054 --> 00:36:24,316
Just hand it over. Give it to me.

600
00:36:24,975 --> 00:36:26,601
Okay.

601
00:36:26,602 --> 00:36:28,978
- Lads.
- No, let's have this one play out.

602
00:36:28,979 --> 00:36:30,771
Okay, I'm going to take it.

603
00:36:30,772 --> 00:36:32,815
- It's going to be like that, is it?
- It appears to be like that.

604
00:36:32,816 --> 00:36:35,484
- You're being a bit of a child now.
- Bun, you're the child here.

605
00:36:35,485 --> 00:36:38,070
What? Why? Just give it to me.

606
00:36:38,071 --> 00:36:40,239
- Bun?
- Davin's nickname.

607
00:36:42,409 --> 00:36:46,204
In primary school, someone threw
a bun at his head in the canteen

608
00:36:46,205 --> 00:36:48,247
and it stuck.

609
00:36:48,248 --> 00:36:51,959
The nickname, that is. And the bun.

610
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:54,140
Just give it to me. Oh my
God, is that an eagle?

611
00:36:54,796 --> 00:36:57,548
- That was so easy. Too easy.
- Fine, you can co-pitch it.

612
00:36:57,549 --> 00:36:59,300
- But I hold the plans.
- I don't need plans.

613
00:36:59,301 --> 00:37:02,521
Why don't you go get the
little ground pegs?

614
00:37:03,513 --> 00:37:05,982
Bun...

615
00:37:07,517 --> 00:37:09,518
Hey.

616
00:37:14,942 --> 00:37:17,244
Ah, freezing.

617
00:37:19,529 --> 00:37:21,697
Your sister's great.

618
00:37:21,698 --> 00:37:24,867
I love, Ruth. My brother
is a lucky man.

619
00:37:24,868 --> 00:37:27,703
He didn't just get
lucky, Tiny Kevin.

620
00:37:27,704 --> 00:37:31,207
It's more like he broke
the whole fucking casino.

621
00:37:31,208 --> 00:37:33,334
You boys looking forward
to the big day?

622
00:37:33,335 --> 00:37:35,711
Actually, I won't be
there on the big day.

623
00:37:35,712 --> 00:37:38,547
- I thought you two were coupled up.
- Six years.

624
00:37:38,548 --> 00:37:40,299
Explain.

625
00:37:40,300 --> 00:37:42,843
- It's my dad.
- What's he got to do with it?

626
00:37:42,844 --> 00:37:47,139
He's never really been able to get
his head around the whole gay thing.

627
00:37:47,140 --> 00:37:49,517
Continue.

628
00:37:49,518 --> 00:37:51,727
He's never really
been able to accept

629
00:37:51,728 --> 00:37:55,314
my homosexuality and my
partner, which is Kevin.

630
00:37:55,315 --> 00:37:56,816
And?

631
00:37:56,817 --> 00:38:01,279
My dad's an old man from a previous
generation. It's different times.

632
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:02,905
And?

633
00:38:02,906 --> 00:38:06,701
He says he won't be coming to the
wedding if I'm at the wedding.

634
00:38:06,702 --> 00:38:09,287
- He doesn't approve of me.
- And?

635
00:38:09,288 --> 00:38:11,455
I've never met him.

636
00:38:11,456 --> 00:38:14,583
It's a really tricky
situation for Fionan.

637
00:38:14,584 --> 00:38:18,212
I mean, I've lived with
this, but it's his wedding.

638
00:38:18,213 --> 00:38:22,216
I mean, if my dad doesn't go,
does my mum go on her own? It's...

639
00:38:22,217 --> 00:38:24,102
It's a nightmare for Fionan.

640
00:38:25,220 --> 00:38:27,763
Yeah, Fionan needs to man up

641
00:38:27,764 --> 00:38:30,900
and bring it to the old boy.
End of story.

642
00:38:34,438 --> 00:38:36,605
How do you want your steaks?

643
00:38:36,606 --> 00:38:38,816
Fiona-la-cakes.

644
00:38:38,817 --> 00:38:42,037
I was talking to the Kevs
here about the wedding plans.

645
00:38:42,738 --> 00:38:45,114
I'm cooking my own if anyone
wants theirs done by me.

646
00:38:45,115 --> 00:38:47,491
Why don't we ask them who they'd
prefer to have cook their steaks?

647
00:38:47,492 --> 00:38:50,036
Me who did a course in
barbecue science, or...

648
00:38:50,037 --> 00:38:52,547
Neither of you two clowns
are going near my meat.

649
00:38:53,248 --> 00:38:56,250
- I'd rather eat it raw.
- You're not getting in there.

650
00:38:56,251 --> 00:38:59,003
That's liquid ice.

651
00:38:59,004 --> 00:39:01,547
No sneaky boners.

652
00:39:01,548 --> 00:39:03,933
And I'm looking at you, Photoshop.

653
00:39:13,852 --> 00:39:15,487
He's gone.

654
00:39:19,816 --> 00:39:22,735
Yeah! Whoo!

655
00:39:22,736 --> 00:39:26,581
- No, he's back.
- Come on, boys! Ha-ha!

656
00:39:35,582 --> 00:39:39,377
- Where's Adobe Illustrator?
- You mean Simon? He's gone to bed.

657
00:39:39,378 --> 00:39:42,797
- That's cheating.
- No, leave him alone honestly.

658
00:39:42,798 --> 00:39:44,590
It's the same rules for every man.

659
00:39:44,591 --> 00:39:46,801
He's going through a
hard time at the moment.

660
00:39:46,802 --> 00:39:49,428
- How so?
- His business is struggling.

661
00:39:49,429 --> 00:39:51,972
- I didn't know that.
- I had a look at his situation.

662
00:39:51,973 --> 00:39:54,600
- It's not great.
- Not great how?

663
00:39:54,601 --> 00:39:59,021
They're in deep shit. Poor guy can't
sleep. He's taking Valium and Xanax.

664
00:39:59,022 --> 00:40:01,816
- They're worried about the house.
- Did you know that?

665
00:40:01,817 --> 00:40:05,027
- No.
- Come here.

666
00:40:05,028 --> 00:40:08,081
- The Machine, seriously.
- The Machine, just leave it.

667
00:40:10,492 --> 00:40:14,120
- The Machine! He's going.
- Go back to the fire.

668
00:40:14,121 --> 00:40:17,123
It's just me and you now.

669
00:40:17,124 --> 00:40:19,125
How are you doing?

670
00:40:19,126 --> 00:40:21,669
- Grand.
- So what do you owe?

671
00:40:21,670 --> 00:40:25,005
- Owe? What are you talking about?
- Your company's debt.

672
00:40:25,006 --> 00:40:27,675
- What have you been telling him?
- It was Big Kevin!

673
00:40:27,676 --> 00:40:29,635
Look me in the eye and
just tell me what you owe.

674
00:40:29,636 --> 00:40:31,595
- I'm not telling you what I owe.
- Why not?

675
00:40:31,596 --> 00:40:33,097
Why would I tell you what I owe?

676
00:40:33,098 --> 00:40:35,224
Why wouldn't you tell me what
you owe? Give me a number.

677
00:40:35,225 --> 00:40:36,725
- No. No.
- Do it. Do it.

678
00:40:36,726 --> 00:40:38,894
Higher or lower than three mil?

679
00:40:38,895 --> 00:40:41,156
What?

680
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