1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM
2
00:00:22,898 --> 00:00:25,526
NARRATOR:
Greetings from Tromaville.
3
00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:30,205
Let me take you back, back
to where it all began...
4
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:34,956
to a small town in New Jersey.
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00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:38,463
At that time, the Tromaville
nuclear power plant
6
00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:41,125
had a horrifying meltdown,
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00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:44,761
tainting the water supply
of Tromaville High School,
8
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:49,557
which was carelessly
located right next door.
9
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Heinous mutations occurred,
transforming the student body
10
00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:57,767
into radiated creatures
and cretins.
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00:00:57,933 --> 00:01:00,231
Well, not every
student turned evil.
12
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:03,773
Our heroes Warren and
Chrissy saved the day
13
00:01:03,939 --> 00:01:08,944
by blowing up the nuclear power
plant and the school therein,
14
00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:13,240
eliminating evil and setting
things back to normal.
15
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:18,329
Oh, and some other
stuff also happened.
16
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:32,184
But today, since
criticizing nuclear power
17
00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:35,437
is no longer in vogue,
at least in movies,
18
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:39,476
the Tromaville nuclear power
plant has been bulldozed
19
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to make way for the
environmentally friendly,
20
00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:47,070
health-conscious Tromorganic
Foodstuffs Inc,
21
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:51,988
built directly on top of
the old nuclear plant.
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00:01:52,154 --> 00:01:54,828
What could go wrong?
23
00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:57,038
This is no typical remake.
24
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,202
I want you to join me
25
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:03,124
as we "Return to Nuke 'Em High"!
26
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:06,794
Oh, by the way, excelsior!
27
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♪ Nuke 'Em High ♪
28
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♪ Nuke 'Em High ♪
29
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:43,581
♪ The sun comes up,
a brand-new day ♪
30
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:46,751
♪ The student body, time to pray ♪
31
00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:50,046
♪ They take that test,
they concentrate ♪
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00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:53,136
♪ 'Cause no one wants
to be a waste ♪
33
00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:54,800
♪ But outside of ♪
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00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:56,388
♪ The classroom walls ♪
35
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,474
♪ The Geiger counter ♪
36
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♪ Tells it all ♪
37
00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:02,941
♪ Can't see or feel
or smell or taste ♪
38
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:07,401
♪ The remnants of
the nuclear waste ♪
39
00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:09,735
♪ I just ♪
40
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:12,822
♪ Really want to know ♪
41
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:15,954
♪ I just ♪
42
00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:18,741
♪ Really want to know ♪
43
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:21,911
♪ What's going on ♪
44
00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:24,751
♪ At Nuke 'Em High? ♪
45
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:27,587
♪ What's going on ♪
46
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,302
♪ At Nuke 'Em High? ♪
47
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:34,761
♪ What's going on ♪
48
00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:37,426
♪ At Nuke 'Em High? ♪
49
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:39,890
♪ What's going on... ♪
50
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,930
(MAN AND WOMAN MOANING)
51
00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:44,350
♪ At Nuke 'Em High? ♪
52
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:52,774
WOMAN: That's hot.
53
00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:06,501
(SCREECHING)
54
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,723
Your wiener feels like
it's flopping around
55
00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:22,763
like a fish without oxygen.
56
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,977
You're fishing with John, baby.
57
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:26,312
Your name's John?
58
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:28,477
No, it's Gil, but whatevs.
59
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:33,695
OMG,
60
00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,734
fuck me with your fish dick, Gil!
61
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:39,496
Oh! Something's got me.
62
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,077
- I got you, baby.
- No, no.
63
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,993
Your box... it's biting me.
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00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,333
Whatever you're doing,
it's getting me hot.
65
00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:50,215
No, don't stop.
66
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:53,001
(BOTH SCREAMING)
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00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:57,927
(SCREAMING)
68
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,152
(SCREAMING)
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What kind of god...?
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00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:40,891
(JANITOR SINGING)
♪ Nuke 'Em High ♪
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00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:43,643
♪ What's going on ♪
72
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:47,306
♪ At Nuke 'Em High? ♪
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Eh.
74
00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:08,285
(COW MOOING)
75
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,328
(FACTORY WHISTLE BLOWS)
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00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:14,090
♪ Stack some medals,
don't make a fuss ♪
77
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:16,627
♪ Forget about the two of us... ♪
78
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,716
(DEVICE BLEEPING)
79
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♪ We're off to war ♪
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- ♪ Doesn't matter if you'll agree ♪
- MAN: Hi. Hi.
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♪ You're here to kill, you see... ♪
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00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:33,519
(MAN OVER SPEAKERS)
Attention, Tromorganic employees,
83
00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,733
please stop dancing
and acting goofy.
84
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:39,987
President and CEO Herzkauf will
be making his inspection shortly.
85
00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:42,027
♪ And do your best... ♪
86
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:43,873
- (MAN FARTS)
- ♪ Stick some bayonets ♪
87
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♪ In some chests... ♪
88
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Now look, laddie, I want
my ultracheap foodstuffs
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00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:51,878
in every school in New
Jersey at inflated prices.
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00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:54,290
That is the basis of our
plan, and you know it.
91
00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:57,209
No fast-food place will
take my food anymore.
92
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:04,304
Hmm?
93
00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,685
(SCREAMS)
94
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,445
God damn it!
95
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:21,825
Now you... you, Westly, as principal
of the guinea pig charter school...
96
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,486
- Sir, the president's on the line!
- Give me that.
97
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:27,372
Oh! Why do you do that?
98
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,117
Yes, Mr. President.
99
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,753
- Disconnected.
- I'll get him back!
100
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:37,337
Now what is all this about a rogue
student blog, Pollution Nerdz,
101
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:40,469
talking about my foodstuffs
contaminating the groundwater
102
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:41,970
and poisoning the students?
103
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,755
It's slanderous.
And it may be true.
104
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If word got out, we'd be ruined.
105
00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:47,551
I got him back!
106
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,890
(ARNOLD GASPS)
107
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:53,523
I'm going to... give me
that. Give me that.
108
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,229
Yes, Mr. President.
109
00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:59,863
Oh, everything is just going
beautifully... beautifully.
110
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:10,874
Look, there's...
there's always gonna...
111
00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:12,579
(HERZKAUF GURGLING)
112
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There's always gonna be a Zuckerberg
in every school. Everything's fine.
113
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,715
Yes. And I'll see you in Havana.
114
00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:25,050
Yeah, I'll get the hookers.
Don't bring Michelle.
115
00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:29,308
- Something wrong, boss?
- Everything is fine.
116
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:32,311
You just pay attention to that
slogan the spinmasters gave us:
117
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"Propagation is health."
"Propagation is health."
118
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And make sure... make sure those
students at Tromaville High School
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are loving it! Are loving it!
120
00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,480
- Oh, man.
- What do you want?
121
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:45,901
This Plasti taco mix foodstuff
don't look right, boss.
122
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,990
Well, you want to go
green, don't you?
123
00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:49,746
It looks green to me.
124
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,998
(LAUGHING LOUDLY)
125
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Get over here, you bastard.
Give me my milk.
126
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Give me that. Give me that.
127
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Ah!
128
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:09,428
(WOLF HOWLING)
129
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,593
(MOANING)
130
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:26,024
♪ You were 17... ♪
131
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,665
(GRUNTING)
132
00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:41,373
(YELLING)
133
00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,844
Do I look ripped, babe?
134
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,550
Oh, yeah.
135
00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:51,011
- (EUGENE PANTING)
- Yeah.
136
00:09:55,136 --> 00:10:00,814
Oh-ho-ho-ho.
137
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:07,449
What's he gonna do?
138
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,235
- What's he gonna do?
- What's he gonna do?
139
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:11,869
- Ohh-hh.
- Ohh-hh.
140
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,826
(EUGENE MOANING)
141
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:16,867
Uh, Eugene.
142
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,580
Eugene.
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00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,666
Uh, Eugene.
144
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,831
Eugene. Eugene!
145
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,920
(GASPS)
What is it?
146
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:27,336
Uh, it's that time of the month
147
00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:31,177
and it's a horror movie
down there, so...
148
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,182
Again?
149
00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:35,389
That's what you said last week.
150
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:38,806
You know, I have toxic shock
syndrome from all the tampons.
151
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:43,476
And I got a headache, so...
Look, Chrissy,
152
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:47,523
I think you're super sexy
in a butch kind of way,
153
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:50,408
which is weird, because what
does that say about me?
154
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:55,535
But we've been talking about
having sweet, sweaty,
155
00:10:55,697 --> 00:11:00,460
dirty, kinky, really weird,
fucked-up teenage sex
156
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:02,871
in my big, blue,
157
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:07,543
white-cream-leather-seat
El Dorado for months now
158
00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:09,507
and this is all I get?
159
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,140
You have to be kidding me!
160
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,933
(SCREAMS)
161
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:22,395
(PANTING)
162
00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:25,231
At least you broads
won't let me down.
163
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:29,231
(GRUNTING)
164
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:34,824
Oh, I really need to get
another subscription.
165
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:37,409
(GRUNTING)
166
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,498
(GROANING)
167
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,413
Argh! Oh, you're missing out.
168
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:48,959
You're really missing out.
You have no idea.
169
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,297
Argh!
170
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,758
Look out, Tromaville High.
171
00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:59,474
Here comes the new girl.
172
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:09,191
Oh.
173
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:20,661
(GRUNTING)
174
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:23,451
Hey, new girl, look
at these titties.
175
00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:25,291
They're bigger than yours.
176
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,296
You want to go to the prom with me?
177
00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:30,049
Where you going?
178
00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:38,012
What's her deal?
179
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:40,427
I don't know, but she is hot.
180
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:44,143
She's a rich bitch.
181
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,182
How the fuck would you
know, micro phallus?
182
00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:48,317
(WESTLY OVER SPEAKERS)
Attention, students.
183
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:52,026
Please empty all items
into the plastic tray
184
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:54,691
before passing through
the metal detector.
185
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,485
We've gone three days
without a shooting.
186
00:12:57,652 --> 00:13:00,030
Let's keep it up.
187
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:01,789
Come on.
188
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:15,545
She lives in Tromaville Heights.
189
00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:18,306
My dad sold her family
their McMansion,
190
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,967
kind of like the one you live in,
191
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,728
Marilyn McManson.
(SNAPS FINGERS)
192
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:24,978
You twat.
193
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:28,733
Thank God for Zoloft
and thrift stores.
194
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:30,689
Would you pull this, please?
195
00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:32,274
(GRUNTING)
196
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:35,737
Please, please, please,
let go, let go, let go.
197
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:39,027
Come on, guys, let's go.
198
00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:48,619
- Oh.
- (ALARM PULSING)
199
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,207
(DEVICE BEEPING)
200
00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:54,546
(WHIMPERS)
201
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:04,935
The pope retired.
202
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,151
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
203
00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,320
Fuck you.
204
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:27,534
- (GRUNTS)
- Oh.
205
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:31,750
I am so sorry. I really didn't...
206
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:34,792
A brownnosing little rich girl
late for intramural Ping-Pong?
207
00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:37,961
Ping-Pong is on Wednesdays.
208
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:39,800
Today is Monday.
209
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:42,715
I am right about one thing,
though, Miley Cyrus:
210
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,260
you are a brownnosing
little rich girl.
211
00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:46,803
Looks like Mommy and Daddy
212
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,687
won't be able to save you
from a beating this time.
213
00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:52,563
You know what? Some of us actually
have plans for our future
214
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:56,775
that don't involve binge drinking,
trailer parks or food stamps.
215
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,447
- Ow! Fuck!
- (BOYS LAUGHING)
216
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:04,283
I'm gonna get you, rich girl.
217
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,788
Ow.
218
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,993
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
219
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,332
LAUREN: Kevin, I'm home!
220
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:21,341
(QUACKING)
221
00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,559
I love you, Kevin.
222
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:28,719
I know you'll never leave me.
223
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:32,815
(MUSIC PLAYING)
224
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:41,649
(LAUREN QUACKS)
225
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:49,115
It's great being rich and
having a duck as a pet.
226
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,580
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
227
00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:03,846
(QUACKING)
228
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,058
CHRISSY:
Okay, time to check my blog
229
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:16,976
and see how many
eyes I've opened up
230
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,362
with my investigation
of Tromorganic Farms.
231
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,067
OMG!
232
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:23,699
18 whole page views.
233
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,826
18 people have checked in.
234
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,862
What a month. I'll
need more bandwidth.
235
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:31,704
Here are some exclusive photos
236
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:33,868
from member
237
00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:36,254
Deeper Throat.
238
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:40,462
Not only does Tromorganics
secretly mix in
239
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:43,378
what appears to be
sweetened wallpaper paste,
240
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:48,387
but the contaminated
groundwater is everywhere.
241
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:52,562
(YAWNING)
The contaminated...
242
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,597
contamination...
243
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:56,766
um...
244
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:01,233
Cyber malaise.
245
00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:04,319
Tiredness.
246
00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:07,076
Horniness.
247
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:09,909
Where is that one site
248
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:13,245
with that chick that looks
like Angelina Jolie in "Gia"?
249
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:15,501
Jackpot.
250
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:19,631
All aboard the skin
boat to tuna town.
251
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:22,633
- (MOANING)
- ♪ Vagina, vagina ♪
252
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:26,137
♪ Vagina in the sky ♪
253
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:29,674
♪ Vagina, vagina ♪
254
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,218
♪ Vagina in the sky... ♪
255
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,353
- (MOANING LOUDER)
- ♪ Vagina ♪
256
00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:37,812
♪ In the sky, now every night... ♪
257
00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:54,449
Is everything okay in here,
dear? I heard crying.
258
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:56,288
Yeah, Aunt Bee.
259
00:17:56,450 --> 00:18:01,460
I'm just feeling a little...
Sad about being an orphan?
260
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:02,874
Now that you mention it.
261
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,917
No, that's not it.
262
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,631
I bet I know what it is.
263
00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:10,219
- You do?
- Well, of course I do.
264
00:18:10,381 --> 00:18:13,851
Don't worry, honey. Someday
you'll find the right boy.
265
00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:17,851
(CHUCKLES) The right boy, yeah.
266
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:23,148
And don't you worry, he
won't be some deadbeat
267
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:26,989
goat sucker like your
stinking father, that twat.
268
00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:31,160
What's that?
269
00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:33,162
Looks like
270
00:18:33,321 --> 00:18:35,665
foreshadowing?
271
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,463
Dinner's at 7:00. It's tuna.
272
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:51,347
Please, God, get me out
of this Tromaville hole.
273
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:53,849
Ugh.
274
00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:56,352
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
275
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:08,109
(YAWNS)
276
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:10,274
(FARTS)
277
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:16,906
Nooo!
278
00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:19,872
Kevin. Kevin.
279
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,501
No.
280
00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:37,889
Macaroni.
281
00:19:54,819 --> 00:19:57,413
♪ I'm calling ♪
282
00:19:57,571 --> 00:19:59,915
♪ But no one will be hearing... ♪
283
00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:01,834
(WESTLY OVER SPEAKERS)
Attention, students,
284
00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:06,418
due to a recent outbreak of
jock itch and rectal rashes,
285
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,924
Coach Sandusky would like
286
00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:11,427
all members of the
boys' wrestling team
287
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:15,590
to surrender their jockstraps
to him immediately.
288
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:19,386
(PLAYING AND SINGING OUT OF TUNE)
♪ Amazing ♪
289
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,850
♪ Grace... ♪
290
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,648
♪ How sweet... ♪
291
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:33,782
Attention, students.
Now I know you're all
292
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:36,114
looking forward to today's luncheon
293
00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:38,450
Super Duper Taco
Tuesday Spectacular,
294
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:42,662
but it's come to my attention
that there's a blogger out there
295
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:45,704
by the name of Lettuce Lover 69
296
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:49,295
and they run the blog
called Pollution Nerdz.
297
00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:53,132
I have checked in on this
Pollution Nerdz blog
298
00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:54,671
18 times this month.
299
00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:58,887
Now this blog is spreading
a lot of slanderous lies
300
00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:02,804
about Tromaville High and
Tromorganic Foodstuffs Inc.
301
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:05,314
They also have a very bad attitude
302
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:08,317
towards conservative
principles in general.
303
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:11,525
(SOBS)
Leave Ronald Reagan alone.
304
00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:13,405
- (BLOWS WHISTLE)
- (GIRLS GIGGLING)
305
00:21:13,564 --> 00:21:16,818
Now I'm all for free speech.
Otherwise why would I put out
306
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:19,453
these thought-inhibiting
announcements every morning?
307
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:23,333
But these lies about
contaminated, cheap
308
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:28,337
and 98% Plasti filler tainted
foodstuffs are just malarkey.
309
00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:40,849
Have you seen my duck?
His name is Kevin.
310
00:21:41,008 --> 00:21:44,012
(SNICKERS)
311
00:21:44,178 --> 00:21:45,851
Oh.
312
00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:47,640
LAUREN:
Have you seen my missing duck?
313
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:50,230
SANDUSKY:
Can a duck fill you up like Jesus?
314
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:57,692
What kind of god allows an
innocent duck to go missing?
315
00:21:57,858 --> 00:22:01,908
Hey, there's that snotty rich girl.
I think she really likes me.
316
00:22:02,071 --> 00:22:04,369
- Hey, Twinkie.
- Hey!
317
00:22:04,532 --> 00:22:05,784
Ah!
318
00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:09,295
What a rich, stuck-up bitch.
319
00:22:09,453 --> 00:22:11,376
Why won't anyone go out with me?
320
00:22:22,716 --> 00:22:25,219
Yo, did you hear Principal
Westly's announcement?
321
00:22:25,386 --> 00:22:27,263
Are you gonna take
down Pollution Nerdz?
322
00:22:27,429 --> 00:22:29,523
Yo, Jeraldo!
323
00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:31,684
Caw-caw! Caw-caw!
324
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:35,230
Uh, would Gertrude Stein
take down her blog?
325
00:22:35,396 --> 00:22:38,275
Hell, no. So I stay full steam
ahead with Pollution Nerdz
326
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:39,817
and let's sally forth.
327
00:22:39,984 --> 00:22:43,113
Gertrude Stein was a
rich slacker bullshitter
328
00:22:43,279 --> 00:22:45,281
and her so-called poetry stunk.
329
00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:47,415
And please don't even go
there with Sally Forth...
330
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:50,044
another sexually repressed
white American soccer mom
331
00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:53,331
who had boring adventures at work
and at home with no vibrator.
332
00:22:53,497 --> 00:22:55,420
You deserve your own PBS special.
333
00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:57,784
- You know what you deserve?
- What's that, Henry Gates?
334
00:22:57,918 --> 00:23:00,512
Two feet shoved up your fucking...
335
00:23:00,671 --> 00:23:04,221
Guys, my mom made me a
juicy roast beef sammich
336
00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:06,636
with dipping sauce...
dipping sauce.
337
00:23:06,802 --> 00:23:08,562
You heard what he said,
guys... dipping sauce.
338
00:23:08,596 --> 00:23:09,876
You know what that means, right?
339
00:23:10,014 --> 00:23:12,733
Yeah, and I can feel my blood
sugar dipping right now.
340
00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:15,315
- I want to eat it.
- Let's go.
341
00:23:23,068 --> 00:23:24,945
It's cheaper than monkey shit,
342
00:23:25,112 --> 00:23:27,490
and these kids can't get
enough of it in their gullet.
343
00:23:27,656 --> 00:23:30,660
BOY: Hey, what's that green
stuff in the gluten-free tacos
344
00:23:30,826 --> 00:23:32,999
for Terrance, the glee club,
and the other nerds?
345
00:23:33,162 --> 00:23:36,382
BOY 2: Oh, that? That's just
nonchemically polluted guacamole.
346
00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:39,293
BOY 1: Wait, why did you mention
they were nonchemically polluted?
347
00:23:39,460 --> 00:23:40,632
BOY 2: Uh, no reason.
348
00:23:40,794 --> 00:23:42,262
BOY 1: Eh, whatever. I'm hungry.
349
00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:44,423
(CRUNCHING)
350
00:23:57,019 --> 00:23:58,612
GIRL: Hey, Terrance!
351
00:23:58,771 --> 00:24:03,026
How's that green, gluten-free,
nonchemically polluted taco?
352
00:24:06,654 --> 00:24:08,372
♪ Maybe we need ♪
353
00:24:08,530 --> 00:24:10,532
♪ A different city ♪
354
00:24:14,286 --> 00:24:16,084
♪ Maybe we need ♪
355
00:24:16,246 --> 00:24:18,749
♪ A different town ♪
356
00:24:22,378 --> 00:24:24,676
♪ Maybe we need ♪
357
00:24:24,838 --> 00:24:26,840
♪ A different city ♪
358
00:24:29,843 --> 00:24:32,016
♪ Maybe we need ♪
359
00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:34,022
♪ A different town. ♪
360
00:24:34,181 --> 00:24:36,354
Hi, guys.
361
00:24:36,517 --> 00:24:38,394
Mind if I sit here?
362
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:39,686
No.
363
00:24:39,853 --> 00:24:41,981
Oh, my God.
364
00:24:43,691 --> 00:24:45,034
(MAN FARTS)
365
00:24:45,192 --> 00:24:48,287
Hi. I'm Lauren.
366
00:24:48,445 --> 00:24:50,243
- (GUNFIRE)
- (STUDENTS SCREAMING)
367
00:24:53,367 --> 00:24:56,211
Don't worry, it's just
another school shooting.
368
00:24:56,370 --> 00:24:58,839
CNN won't even cover them anymore.
369
00:24:58,998 --> 00:25:00,716
You can chill.
370
00:25:03,877 --> 00:25:06,926
Wow, rich girl ain't
fucking around.
371
00:25:07,089 --> 00:25:09,683
Where did you get your
lunch box... Tiffany's?
372
00:25:09,842 --> 00:25:12,061
(LAUGHING)
373
00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:16,060
Hey, you guys.
374
00:25:16,223 --> 00:25:19,067
I heard about this sick party/rave
375
00:25:19,226 --> 00:25:22,901
in one of Tromaville's
356 foreclosed houses.
376
00:25:23,063 --> 00:25:25,486
You all should come.
377
00:25:25,649 --> 00:25:28,243
That sick party/rave
happens to be happening
378
00:25:28,402 --> 00:25:30,404
in my foreclosed house,
thank you very much.
379
00:25:30,571 --> 00:25:34,917
But it's only a small gathering,
so please keep it on the down low.
380
00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:36,952
Gross.
381
00:25:38,579 --> 00:25:42,083
Guys, guys, what with exams
coming up and whatnot,
382
00:25:42,249 --> 00:25:45,002
a blowout party/rave
383
00:25:45,169 --> 00:25:49,265
is just what Eugene needs!
384
00:25:49,423 --> 00:25:51,425
Great.
385
00:25:51,592 --> 00:25:54,596
I'm so happy for Eugene, who refers
to himself in the third person
386
00:25:54,762 --> 00:25:57,311
and will finally be able to blow
off some steam at my expense.
387
00:25:57,473 --> 00:25:59,441
I actually heard on NPR
388
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:02,604
that the stress of studying for exams
and getting into a good college
389
00:26:02,770 --> 00:26:07,528
is actually worse than the stress
our soldiers face in Afghanistan.
390
00:26:07,691 --> 00:26:10,444
- (SNICKERS)
- The next time your car
391
00:26:10,611 --> 00:26:12,534
gets blown up by an IED
392
00:26:12,696 --> 00:26:15,870
or you're forced to bag the bodies of
children killed by a suicide bomber,
393
00:26:16,033 --> 00:26:19,378
you tell me if that stress is
greater than getting into Hobart.
394
00:26:19,536 --> 00:26:22,460
- (CHRISSY SNAPS FINGERS)
- STUDENTS: Oh!
395
00:26:22,623 --> 00:26:26,297
Wow, Slater, you have family
members in Afghanistan?
396
00:26:26,460 --> 00:26:28,178
No.
397
00:26:28,337 --> 00:26:31,136
But I did illegally download
"The Hurt Locker"
398
00:26:31,298 --> 00:26:32,641
and got sued by the filmmakers.
399
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,804
You see, Lauren, now that's stress.
400
00:26:35,969 --> 00:26:39,189
Look at this bitch
and her Jap food.
401
00:26:39,348 --> 00:26:41,350
(BOY GIGGLING)
402
00:26:43,936 --> 00:26:47,190
Miso soup, me so hungry.
403
00:26:47,356 --> 00:26:50,155
(LAUREN GRUNTING)
404
00:26:50,317 --> 00:26:52,319
Get away from me, you bully.
405
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,008
(SLOWED DOWN)
I am so,
406
00:27:10,170 --> 00:27:13,174
so sorry.
407
00:27:13,340 --> 00:27:15,718
(STUDENTS CHANTING)
Fight, fight, fight, fight!
408
00:27:15,884 --> 00:27:17,511
LAUREN: What are you doing?
409
00:27:19,471 --> 00:27:21,189
Punch her uterus!
410
00:27:26,770 --> 00:27:28,693
(SHRIEKS)
411
00:27:36,613 --> 00:27:38,957
Stop! That's enough.
412
00:27:39,116 --> 00:27:42,711
You are both going to
detention after school today.
413
00:27:42,870 --> 00:27:46,090
That's it. Get out.
414
00:27:46,248 --> 00:27:48,125
- I'm gonna get you, rich girl.
- Shut it!
415
00:27:48,292 --> 00:27:49,669
Get up.
416
00:27:55,048 --> 00:27:56,049
(SNARLS)
417
00:27:56,216 --> 00:27:58,890
Uh, Lauren, hi.
418
00:27:59,052 --> 00:28:00,850
Uh, my name is Zac.
419
00:28:01,013 --> 00:28:03,232
- Let me help you with that.
- No, I got it.
420
00:28:03,390 --> 00:28:05,358
I just... I was wondering
421
00:28:05,517 --> 00:28:07,394
if sometime maybe you
would want to come over
422
00:28:07,561 --> 00:28:10,235
and we could watch Joel
Schumacher's "Batman and Robin."
423
00:28:11,773 --> 00:28:14,196
Or maybe you're more of
a "Transformers" girl.
424
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:17,078
They're more than meets the eye.
As long as it's not one of those
425
00:28:17,237 --> 00:28:20,241
god-awful "Star Wars"
prequels, we're all good.
426
00:28:20,407 --> 00:28:22,910
Zac, that's really nice
and everything, but...
427
00:28:23,076 --> 00:28:25,329
- It's 'cause I'm fat, right?
- No.
428
00:28:25,495 --> 00:28:27,543
- A lard-ass, right?
- No.
429
00:28:27,706 --> 00:28:30,676
To you, I'm just a jelly
roll, jizz dwarf,
430
00:28:30,834 --> 00:28:32,962
snatch badger, ass troll
431
00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:35,631
who eats donuts and cakes
and Twinkies and pies
432
00:28:35,797 --> 00:28:37,720
with his fat, fat, fatty-fat
piehole, right?
433
00:28:37,883 --> 00:28:39,260
What?
434
00:28:39,426 --> 00:28:41,269
What do all those words even mean?
435
00:28:41,428 --> 00:28:45,520
Or maybe... maybe you don't
even like boys at all.
436
00:28:45,682 --> 00:28:46,934
No.
437
00:28:47,100 --> 00:28:51,189
No, it's because you
smell like roast beef.
438
00:28:51,355 --> 00:28:53,483
(ZAC WHIMPERING)
439
00:28:53,649 --> 00:28:55,322
Shh. Shh. Shh.
440
00:28:55,484 --> 00:28:58,112
- Shh, shh. It's okay. It's okay.
- (ZAC CONTINUES WHIMPERING)
441
00:28:58,278 --> 00:29:01,327
Guys, guys, guys.
We like that smell, right?
442
00:29:01,490 --> 00:29:03,743
- Roast beef?
- No, he smells like shit.
443
00:29:03,909 --> 00:29:05,536
You shouldn't have said
"Batman and Robin," man.
444
00:29:05,702 --> 00:29:09,297
It's "Batman Forever."
"Batman Forever," baby.
445
00:29:09,456 --> 00:29:11,458
(MOANING)
446
00:29:19,883 --> 00:29:22,477
(GAGGING)
447
00:29:22,636 --> 00:29:24,809
Help.
448
00:29:27,057 --> 00:29:29,059
Help.
449
00:29:31,061 --> 00:29:32,938
(GRUNTING)
450
00:29:33,105 --> 00:29:35,107
BOY: Whoa.
451
00:29:49,329 --> 00:29:51,502
(SCREAMING)
452
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,799
Goddamn diabetic kids.
453
00:30:11,727 --> 00:30:14,321
You're out of your mind.
I love Justin Bieber.
454
00:30:14,479 --> 00:30:17,028
Justin Bieber is the best.
455
00:30:17,190 --> 00:30:19,989
TERRANCE: Whoa. Whoa.
456
00:30:20,152 --> 00:30:22,575
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa!
457
00:30:22,738 --> 00:30:25,116
GIRL: Come on, guys.
This is awesome. Come on.
458
00:30:25,282 --> 00:30:27,455
(SCREAMING)
459
00:30:33,707 --> 00:30:36,506
SANDUSKY: What in the name
of Christ is going on here?
460
00:30:40,630 --> 00:30:42,724
Look, I love Justin Bieber.
461
00:30:42,883 --> 00:30:46,683
- (STUDENTS SCREAMING)
- (JIGGLES LAUGHING)
462
00:30:58,065 --> 00:30:59,817
No! Why?
463
00:30:59,983 --> 00:31:02,907
- (CELL PHONES CLICKING)
- OMG, this picture will totally get me
464
00:31:03,070 --> 00:31:05,619
at least six more
forwards on Instagram.
465
00:31:05,781 --> 00:31:07,579
This is so going on my blog.
466
00:31:07,741 --> 00:31:09,869
I'm just waiting for
Myspace to come back.
467
00:31:11,244 --> 00:31:12,336
WESTLY: Stop, everyone!
468
00:31:12,496 --> 00:31:15,090
Step back, come on.
This is a horrible accident.
469
00:31:15,248 --> 00:31:16,420
Step back now. Step back.
470
00:31:16,583 --> 00:31:18,426
Give him his dignity.
471
00:31:18,585 --> 00:31:20,303
Is there a doctor in the house?
472
00:31:20,462 --> 00:31:22,556
(POPS)
473
00:31:22,714 --> 00:31:26,719
Scratch that. Is there a
janitor in the house?
474
00:31:26,885 --> 00:31:29,183
Now it's a well-known fact
475
00:31:29,346 --> 00:31:32,099
that this student was a
smoker of the marijuana.
476
00:31:32,265 --> 00:31:34,939
And I'm willing to bet that
his dental records will prove
477
00:31:35,102 --> 00:31:36,979
he was a drama student.
478
00:31:37,145 --> 00:31:39,022
And the smoking of ganja
479
00:31:39,189 --> 00:31:41,066
has been known to cause
cranial explosions
480
00:31:41,233 --> 00:31:44,032
and this type of thing in
overly dramatic students.
481
00:31:44,194 --> 00:31:46,572
What? Wait, wait.
482
00:31:46,738 --> 00:31:51,748
Actually, I've just been informed
that we've all witnessed here
483
00:31:51,910 --> 00:31:55,460
is in fact a drama
department's latest venture.
484
00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:58,967
It's a remake of Arthur Miller's
classic "Death of a Salesman"
485
00:31:59,126 --> 00:32:01,003
as imagined by Christopher Nolan.
486
00:32:01,169 --> 00:32:02,842
So nothing to see here.
487
00:32:03,004 --> 00:32:05,098
Everyone back to class.
488
00:32:26,027 --> 00:32:27,825
BOY: Hey, watch it.
489
00:32:37,998 --> 00:32:41,343
Why are you bullying me?
490
00:32:41,501 --> 00:32:43,720
What have I ever done to you?
491
00:32:43,879 --> 00:32:46,553
Bullying? You think I'm a bully?
492
00:32:49,009 --> 00:32:51,353
You want to know why?
493
00:32:51,511 --> 00:32:54,185
Because people like
you have it so easy.
494
00:32:54,347 --> 00:32:58,773
Poor little rich girl never
had to work a day in her life
495
00:32:58,935 --> 00:33:00,812
while I can barely afford lunch.
496
00:33:00,979 --> 00:33:04,734
It makes me sick. So fuck you.
497
00:33:04,900 --> 00:33:07,619
Why don't you stick your silver
chopstick up your bento box?
498
00:33:07,777 --> 00:33:09,324
You don't know me.
499
00:33:09,488 --> 00:33:13,209
And I don't own any
silver chopsticks.
500
00:33:21,416 --> 00:33:23,043
What's with the skinless Furbies?
501
00:33:23,210 --> 00:33:26,384
I like babies.
502
00:33:26,546 --> 00:33:29,766
I want to have a lot
of them one day.
503
00:33:31,051 --> 00:33:35,147
Only fame-whore teen moms
who want to be on MTV,
504
00:33:35,305 --> 00:33:38,650
rich kids and drooling
idiots want to have babies.
505
00:33:38,808 --> 00:33:41,607
That's it, Chrissy Goldberg.
To the principal's office, now.
506
00:33:41,770 --> 00:33:44,990
But Westly said if I show up one more
time this year, he'll suspend me.
507
00:33:45,148 --> 00:33:47,571
Wait, Miss Bliss, it was me.
508
00:33:47,734 --> 00:33:49,657
I was the one who was talking.
509
00:33:49,819 --> 00:33:55,250
I'm new here and I don't know
too many people, so I just...
510
00:33:56,576 --> 00:33:59,250
Well, all right. Just
sit down and shut up.
511
00:33:59,412 --> 00:34:01,414
Okay.
512
00:34:02,916 --> 00:34:05,339
No more talking.
513
00:34:06,836 --> 00:34:09,089
That was stupid, rich girl.
514
00:34:28,191 --> 00:34:31,161
The new girl has beautiful hair.
515
00:34:32,487 --> 00:34:34,410
What did you say?
516
00:34:34,573 --> 00:34:37,497
Uh, I said old Westly looks
like a fat-ass bear.
517
00:34:37,659 --> 00:34:40,333
(LAUGHING)
518
00:34:40,495 --> 00:34:43,999
Your jokes make me so hot.
We should totally bang tonight.
519
00:34:45,458 --> 00:34:46,459
(SHRIEKS)
520
00:34:46,626 --> 00:34:49,800
Taco Tuesday was a huge success.
521
00:34:49,963 --> 00:34:55,059
But, unfortunately, we also
suffered a horrible tragedy.
522
00:34:55,218 --> 00:34:57,846
We all loved and respected little
523
00:34:58,013 --> 00:35:01,813
Timmy... Tommy... Terrance
Horowitz, I don't know.
524
00:35:01,975 --> 00:35:04,649
But like Mama Cass
525
00:35:04,811 --> 00:35:07,405
from The Mamas and the Papas
526
00:35:07,564 --> 00:35:09,407
who choked to death
on a ham sandwich,
527
00:35:09,566 --> 00:35:12,490
this unfortunate kid,
whatever his name was,
528
00:35:12,652 --> 00:35:14,950
suffered the same accidental fate.
529
00:35:15,113 --> 00:35:18,834
Now I can't stress enough the
word "accidental" there.
530
00:35:18,992 --> 00:35:21,996
No! 'Twas those
terrible Tuesday Tacos
531
00:35:22,162 --> 00:35:24,130
that tragically
transformed Terrance.
532
00:35:24,289 --> 00:35:27,088
Nice alliteration, yo.
533
00:35:27,250 --> 00:35:30,174
Don't you people see?
It was the food!
534
00:35:30,337 --> 00:35:31,509
Get him out. Get him out.
535
00:35:31,671 --> 00:35:34,390
- Security. Out.
- No.
536
00:35:34,549 --> 00:35:36,893
- No. No.
- Get him out of here.
537
00:35:37,052 --> 00:35:39,020
- No!
- (GIRL EXCLAIMING)
538
00:35:39,179 --> 00:35:41,056
No. No!
539
00:35:41,222 --> 00:35:45,648
"The Class of Nuke 'Em High"
was an inside job!
540
00:35:46,895 --> 00:35:50,115
You've got the wrong
person, you blind bozo.
541
00:35:50,273 --> 00:35:52,776
Now I would like to
further eulogize
542
00:35:52,942 --> 00:35:56,697
our decapitated
comrade in education
543
00:35:56,863 --> 00:36:01,118
by having our lovely glee
club come out to sing a song.
544
00:36:01,284 --> 00:36:03,707
(STUDENTS BOOING)
545
00:36:20,220 --> 00:36:23,770
You know, Patrick, the glee club
isn't as gay as it used to be,
546
00:36:23,932 --> 00:36:26,811
thanks to the Fox Network.
547
00:36:26,976 --> 00:36:28,569
Head explod...
548
00:36:28,728 --> 00:36:32,653
head exploding is a
serious problem, y'all.
549
00:36:32,816 --> 00:36:34,739
And we're here to talk about it.
550
00:36:34,901 --> 00:36:37,905
So if you're worried, don't be,
551
00:36:38,071 --> 00:36:40,995
'cause we are too. Three, four...
552
00:36:43,076 --> 00:36:47,001
- (OUT OF TUNE) ♪ Amazing... ♪
- (STUDENTS BOOING)
553
00:36:47,163 --> 00:36:48,961
♪ Grace ♪
554
00:36:49,124 --> 00:36:52,628
- ♪ How sweet... ♪
- GIRL: This sucks.
555
00:36:52,794 --> 00:36:55,923
♪ The sound ♪
556
00:36:56,089 --> 00:36:59,013
- ♪ That saved... ♪
- GIRL: Get off the stage!
557
00:36:59,175 --> 00:37:02,600
♪ A wretch ♪
558
00:37:02,762 --> 00:37:05,015
♪ Like me ♪
559
00:37:09,269 --> 00:37:11,943
♪ I once ♪
560
00:37:12,105 --> 00:37:15,609
♪ Was lost ♪
561
00:37:15,775 --> 00:37:18,995
♪ But now ♪
562
00:37:19,154 --> 00:37:21,122
♪ I'm found ♪
563
00:37:21,281 --> 00:37:25,002
♪ Was blind... ♪
564
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:26,878
(CRUNCHING)
565
00:37:27,036 --> 00:37:28,913
♪ But now ♪
566
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:31,299
- ♪ I see. ♪
- I see!
567
00:37:31,458 --> 00:37:34,211
(SCREAMING)
568
00:37:39,132 --> 00:37:40,679
(GASPS)
569
00:37:47,515 --> 00:37:49,768
Oh!
570
00:37:49,934 --> 00:37:52,312
(CHEERING)
571
00:37:54,147 --> 00:37:55,524
Yeah!
572
00:38:06,367 --> 00:38:08,586
(GROWLS)
573
00:38:08,745 --> 00:38:10,418
(SHRIEKS)
574
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:19,464
GIRL: Oh, my God,
the glee club is bulimic!
575
00:38:22,842 --> 00:38:25,311
(ROARING)
576
00:38:28,515 --> 00:38:30,517
(SCREAMING)
577
00:38:49,202 --> 00:38:51,045
(ROARING)
578
00:38:54,207 --> 00:38:56,426
(SCREAMING)
579
00:39:28,741 --> 00:39:31,244
(GROANING)
580
00:39:32,579 --> 00:39:34,422
Ah!
581
00:39:36,708 --> 00:39:38,710
Hey, wait up.
582
00:39:45,592 --> 00:39:48,971
Do you guys notice
anything different?
583
00:39:49,137 --> 00:39:51,435
Whoa, we've mutated.
584
00:39:51,598 --> 00:39:54,477
And my wheelchair has
illogically mutated too.
585
00:39:54,642 --> 00:39:57,816
And I think I can feel my legs.
586
00:39:57,979 --> 00:40:01,108
No, never mind. Still a cripple.
587
00:40:01,274 --> 00:40:02,696
Oh, snap.
588
00:40:02,859 --> 00:40:06,113
Kick-fucking-ass!
589
00:40:06,279 --> 00:40:08,657
- Yeah.
- (ALL ROARING)
590
00:40:13,786 --> 00:40:15,288
Whoa.
591
00:40:15,455 --> 00:40:17,628
(CACKLES)
592
00:40:19,459 --> 00:40:22,212
Come on.
593
00:40:22,378 --> 00:40:24,972
(LAUGHING)
594
00:40:39,771 --> 00:40:41,489
♪ Stack some medals ♪
595
00:40:41,648 --> 00:40:43,446
- ♪ Don't make a fuss... ♪
- (GUNSHOTS)
596
00:40:43,608 --> 00:40:44,780
♪ Forget about the... ♪
597
00:40:44,943 --> 00:40:46,490
(TIRES SCREECH)
598
00:40:49,697 --> 00:40:50,823
(GIRL SCREAMS)
599
00:40:50,990 --> 00:40:52,708
These jugglers are fucking nuts.
600
00:40:53,993 --> 00:40:55,290
(GUNSHOTS)
601
00:40:55,453 --> 00:40:57,547
- (AIR HISSES)
- (ALL SCREAMING)
602
00:41:01,501 --> 00:41:03,378
(SCREAMING)
603
00:41:03,544 --> 00:41:04,716
(TAKES A BREATH)
604
00:41:04,879 --> 00:41:06,802
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
605
00:41:06,965 --> 00:41:09,514
(SCREAMING STOPS)
606
00:41:11,511 --> 00:41:13,058
We're alive.
607
00:41:13,221 --> 00:41:15,019
It's a motherfucking miracle.
608
00:41:15,181 --> 00:41:16,933
(GUNSHOT)
609
00:41:22,230 --> 00:41:24,107
(LAUGHING)
610
00:41:38,788 --> 00:41:40,631
(DOG BARKS, FARTS)
611
00:41:40,790 --> 00:41:42,258
- What kind of a god allows me...
- (QUACKS)
612
00:41:42,417 --> 00:41:46,379
on this crappy teacher's salary to
be forced to live out of my car?
613
00:42:01,978 --> 00:42:04,572
What kind of a god are you?
614
00:42:04,731 --> 00:42:06,984
I'd even take a shoebox apartment,
615
00:42:07,150 --> 00:42:10,700
even if it is in
Tromaville crack town.
616
00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:13,081
- (TIRES SCREECH)
- CRETINS: Whoo!
617
00:42:15,241 --> 00:42:16,538
Uh-oh.
618
00:42:16,701 --> 00:42:19,580
ALL: Hey, Mrs. Crabtree.
619
00:42:19,746 --> 00:42:23,216
(SCREAMING)
620
00:42:31,257 --> 00:42:33,726
♪ Sweet Adeline ♪
621
00:42:33,885 --> 00:42:36,138
♪ Sweet Adeline... ♪
622
00:42:36,304 --> 00:42:38,306
ADELINE: Your singing is terrible.
623
00:42:38,473 --> 00:42:40,692
♪ My Adeline ♪
624
00:42:40,850 --> 00:42:43,148
♪ My Adeline... ♪
625
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:47,574
♪ At night, dear heart ♪
626
00:42:47,732 --> 00:42:50,360
♪ At night, dear heart... ♪
627
00:42:51,986 --> 00:42:53,863
♪ For you I pine ♪
628
00:42:54,030 --> 00:42:58,410
♪ For you I pine... ♪
629
00:42:58,576 --> 00:43:00,954
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
630
00:43:11,547 --> 00:43:13,424
- Hey, Mrs. Crabtree.
- Huh?
631
00:43:13,591 --> 00:43:18,308
You know, when I was a kid, all the kids
used to tease me, call me a cripple.
632
00:43:18,471 --> 00:43:20,815
Yeah, yeah. Now I'm
the only one I know
633
00:43:20,973 --> 00:43:24,522
that can run a quarter mile
each day on their arms!
634
00:43:24,685 --> 00:43:26,153
Do it.
635
00:43:26,312 --> 00:43:27,985
- (QUACKS)
- (ADELINE SCREAMS)
636
00:43:28,147 --> 00:43:31,151
Oh, snap.
637
00:43:31,317 --> 00:43:33,194
(LAUGHS)
638
00:43:33,361 --> 00:43:35,079
Oh, my God, I'm hard...
(SPITS)
639
00:43:35,238 --> 00:43:37,115
for the first time.
640
00:43:37,281 --> 00:43:38,658
Oh.
641
00:43:38,825 --> 00:43:40,827
- Oh, my God.
- (PUMPING)
642
00:43:40,993 --> 00:43:42,666
Oh, my God, I'm hard.
643
00:43:45,039 --> 00:43:46,837
Oh, God!
644
00:43:53,756 --> 00:43:55,224
(LAUGHING)
645
00:43:55,383 --> 00:43:56,760
- Ein...
- (QUACKS)
646
00:43:56,926 --> 00:43:59,554
zwei, drei!
647
00:43:59,720 --> 00:44:00,846
(SCREAMS)
648
00:44:01,013 --> 00:44:02,606
(SPLASHES)
649
00:44:02,765 --> 00:44:04,358
Oh, snap.
650
00:44:04,517 --> 00:44:07,191
(ROARS)
651
00:44:07,353 --> 00:44:09,981
(LAUGHS)
Come on, come on.
652
00:44:21,576 --> 00:44:24,580
Ichi, ni, san!
653
00:44:24,745 --> 00:44:26,998
(DOG WHINING)
654
00:44:27,165 --> 00:44:28,838
(LAUGHING)
655
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,503
KEVIN: What the fuck?
656
00:44:31,669 --> 00:44:33,091
Hey!
657
00:44:33,254 --> 00:44:35,256
- Let's go shoot up a movie theater.
- Yeah.
658
00:44:40,553 --> 00:44:42,100
(QUACKING)
659
00:44:55,401 --> 00:44:58,029
(FARTS)
660
00:44:58,196 --> 00:45:00,073
LAUREN: Kevin!
661
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:01,536
(KEVIN QUACKS)
662
00:45:01,699 --> 00:45:04,578
- Kevin!
- (KEVIN QUACKING)
663
00:45:04,744 --> 00:45:06,917
Kevin, where are you?
664
00:45:07,079 --> 00:45:08,752
(KEVIN QUACKING)
665
00:45:08,915 --> 00:45:10,007
Kevin!
666
00:45:10,166 --> 00:45:11,213
(KEVIN QUACKING)
667
00:45:11,375 --> 00:45:14,254
Kevin. Oh.
668
00:45:14,420 --> 00:45:17,594
Oh, don't you ever, ever,
ever do that again.
669
00:45:17,757 --> 00:45:21,011
Do you hear me? I was
so worried about you.
670
00:45:21,177 --> 00:45:23,100
It's okay. It's okay.
671
00:45:23,262 --> 00:45:25,105
- Mommy's here now.
- (KEVIN FARTS)
672
00:45:25,264 --> 00:45:28,643
Oh, poor baby, what's
all over your beak?
673
00:45:34,857 --> 00:45:36,859
(KEVIN QUACKS)
674
00:45:39,278 --> 00:45:41,952
- (CRETINS GRUNTING)
- (MOTOR REVVING)
675
00:45:45,409 --> 00:45:47,286
(KEVIN QUACKING)
676
00:45:47,453 --> 00:45:50,332
(CRETINS LAUGH)
677
00:45:53,626 --> 00:45:57,381
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
- KEVIN: ♪ Quack ♪
678
00:45:57,546 --> 00:45:59,586
♪ One little, two little,
three little ducklings ♪
679
00:45:59,674 --> 00:46:01,714
♪ Four little, five little,
six little ducklings ♪
680
00:46:01,842 --> 00:46:05,972
♪ Seven little, eight little,
nine little ducklings ♪
681
00:46:06,138 --> 00:46:07,811
- ♪ Ten little tiny ducks. ♪
- Give him back.
682
00:46:07,974 --> 00:46:10,022
Please give me my duck back.
683
00:46:10,184 --> 00:46:12,937
Please give me my duck back.
684
00:46:13,104 --> 00:46:15,277
Oh, for a kiss, I will.
685
00:46:15,439 --> 00:46:17,658
I'd just as soon kiss a duck.
686
00:46:17,817 --> 00:46:19,364
I can arrange that.
687
00:46:20,695 --> 00:46:23,824
(SCREAMING)
688
00:46:25,074 --> 00:46:27,793
Oh, no, no. Please, no.
689
00:46:27,952 --> 00:46:30,546
- ALL: Duck rape!
- (LAUGHING)
690
00:46:30,705 --> 00:46:33,424
- Give me the duck.
- Duck rape!
691
00:46:33,582 --> 00:46:35,425
Smile for the birdie.
692
00:46:35,584 --> 00:46:38,212
- Duck rape.
- (KEVIN QUACKING)
693
00:46:41,048 --> 00:46:44,222
(LAUGHING)
694
00:46:44,385 --> 00:46:46,387
Loser.
695
00:46:50,391 --> 00:46:52,439
Loser.
696
00:46:54,562 --> 00:46:57,406
(SCREAMING)
697
00:46:57,565 --> 00:46:59,567
(KEVIN QUACKING)
698
00:47:21,047 --> 00:47:22,390
I'm sorry.
699
00:47:22,548 --> 00:47:24,391
(COCKS GUN)
700
00:47:24,550 --> 00:47:27,975
If you guys were tough, you
wouldn't need weapons.
701
00:47:28,137 --> 00:47:31,437
- (MUFFLED SCREAMS)
- (MUFFLED QUACKING)
702
00:47:31,599 --> 00:47:33,442
Sorry, I'm kind of busy right now.
703
00:47:35,728 --> 00:47:36,900
Whoa.
704
00:47:43,319 --> 00:47:47,449
Sorry, duck down throat is
not covered under Obamacare.
705
00:47:47,615 --> 00:47:49,242
Ugh.
706
00:47:54,622 --> 00:47:56,624
(SHOP BELL DINGS)
707
00:48:01,504 --> 00:48:03,677
(LAUREN WHIMPERING)
708
00:48:08,803 --> 00:48:11,773
- (SCREAMS)
- (KEVIN QUACKS)
709
00:48:15,768 --> 00:48:17,520
- (GONG SOUNDS)
- (KEVIN QUACKING)
710
00:48:19,688 --> 00:48:21,440
GIRLS: Ooh.
711
00:48:26,487 --> 00:48:28,660
(LAUREN MUMBLING)
712
00:48:30,491 --> 00:48:32,664
Uh, I'm still busy.
713
00:48:34,161 --> 00:48:36,334
Ooh!
714
00:48:36,497 --> 00:48:39,000
♪ Gonna kill myself
tonight, oh, yeah ♪
715
00:48:39,166 --> 00:48:41,794
- ♪ Kill myself tonight, all right. ♪
- (LAUREN SCREAMING)
716
00:48:41,961 --> 00:48:43,008
Shit.
717
00:48:43,170 --> 00:48:45,798
(TIRES SCREECH)
718
00:48:45,965 --> 00:48:47,717
- Hey.
- (HONKING HORN)
719
00:48:47,883 --> 00:48:51,433
Why did the chick with a duck
in her mouth cross the road?
720
00:48:51,595 --> 00:48:53,472
Get in, foul mouth.
721
00:48:53,639 --> 00:48:55,983
What, is this some kind of
political statement, rich girl?
722
00:48:56,142 --> 00:48:59,066
- (MUMBLING)
- Really?
723
00:48:59,228 --> 00:49:00,855
Really?
724
00:49:01,021 --> 00:49:03,023
- God damn.
- (MUMBLING)
725
00:49:03,190 --> 00:49:04,567
Oh, whatever, I owe you one.
726
00:49:04,733 --> 00:49:09,497
That bird in your mouth
really brings out your eyes.
727
00:49:12,283 --> 00:49:14,377
All right, welcome.
728
00:49:15,995 --> 00:49:18,168
Okay, um...
729
00:49:18,330 --> 00:49:20,082
eww.
730
00:49:20,249 --> 00:49:22,217
(KEVIN QUACKING)
731
00:49:22,376 --> 00:49:24,970
(GRUNTING)
732
00:49:25,129 --> 00:49:28,383
- (MUFFLED SCREAMING)
- Oh. What?
733
00:49:29,967 --> 00:49:32,095
(BOTH GRUNTING)
734
00:49:40,728 --> 00:49:42,526
(FARTS)
735
00:49:47,526 --> 00:49:49,403
- Oh!
- (KEVIN QUACKS)
736
00:49:49,570 --> 00:49:51,243
Ugh.
737
00:49:52,573 --> 00:49:54,450
- I...
- Oh, I...
738
00:49:56,494 --> 00:49:58,872
Come on, we'll just go relax.
739
00:49:59,038 --> 00:50:00,915
Aw.
740
00:50:01,081 --> 00:50:04,051
- (KEVIN QUACKING)
- Hi, Kevin.
741
00:50:08,214 --> 00:50:10,091
(QUACKS)
742
00:50:10,257 --> 00:50:12,601
- (SCREAMS)
- (KEVIN LAUGHING)
743
00:50:15,596 --> 00:50:16,768
- Huh?
- Huh?
744
00:50:16,931 --> 00:50:19,605
Damn duck must have got
into some bath salts.
745
00:50:21,519 --> 00:50:24,523
Thank you.
746
00:50:24,688 --> 00:50:26,690
Yeah, whatever.
747
00:50:28,359 --> 00:50:30,828
So...
748
00:50:30,986 --> 00:50:33,364
I'm going to this
party tonight and...
749
00:50:33,531 --> 00:50:37,456
Oh, I should go, let you get ready.
750
00:50:37,618 --> 00:50:39,746
Uh, rich girl...
751
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:43,549
do you want to go?
752
00:50:45,626 --> 00:50:47,845
(BOTH GIGGLE)
753
00:50:50,089 --> 00:50:52,262
(CROWD CHEERING)
754
00:50:55,219 --> 00:50:56,766
(BOTH BELCH)
755
00:51:02,643 --> 00:51:05,988
♪ I got a call from the
other side today ♪
756
00:51:08,315 --> 00:51:11,740
♪ When he hung up the phone,
I forgot to hear what he had to say... ♪
757
00:51:11,902 --> 00:51:14,746
Really? Does this look like
a garbage dump to you?
758
00:51:14,905 --> 00:51:17,158
Chrissy.
759
00:51:17,324 --> 00:51:19,622
Some assholes posted my
address on Facebook.
760
00:51:19,785 --> 00:51:20,957
Now look.
761
00:51:24,498 --> 00:51:26,458
I think it was the producers
of "The Hurt Locker."
762
00:51:26,500 --> 00:51:28,343
They had my IP address. I know it.
763
00:51:28,502 --> 00:51:30,880
Uh-huh. Slater, you
remember Lauren?
764
00:51:31,046 --> 00:51:32,673
Yeah. Aloha.
765
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:35,844
Didn't you guys hate each other,
like, eight hours ago?
766
00:51:36,010 --> 00:51:39,014
Uh, don't you want to get rid
of the social hand grenades?
767
00:51:40,264 --> 00:51:42,813
Whoa!
768
00:51:42,975 --> 00:51:44,735
Us black people can't
get enough white pussy,
769
00:51:44,893 --> 00:51:47,237
and I'm just saying that my
chances might be pretty solid
770
00:51:47,396 --> 00:51:49,364
if I get a white girl drunk enough.
771
00:51:49,523 --> 00:51:53,369
MAN: Yo, Slater, the donkey took
a huge shit in the bathtub.
772
00:51:53,527 --> 00:51:54,904
I gotta go.
773
00:52:04,705 --> 00:52:08,335
♪ Do you hang up the phone
and do you lay it to rest... ♪
774
00:52:10,669 --> 00:52:13,263
- Feeling better?
- Yeah, much. Thanks.
775
00:52:13,422 --> 00:52:17,222
I needed to get my mind off
that, you know, duck rape.
776
00:52:17,384 --> 00:52:19,603
(PHONE CHIMES)
777
00:52:19,762 --> 00:52:21,389
Eugene just broke up with me.
778
00:52:21,555 --> 00:52:23,478
Oh, no. I'm so sorry. Over a text?
779
00:52:23,641 --> 00:52:26,565
Yeah. He's an idiot. He didn't
even finish the message.
780
00:52:30,397 --> 00:52:32,070
(GAGGING)
781
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:34,572
Eww.
782
00:52:37,237 --> 00:52:39,740
- Let's dance.
- Okay.
783
00:52:39,907 --> 00:52:42,751
♪ This is the last song ♪
784
00:52:42,910 --> 00:52:44,912
♪ I'll ever write ♪
785
00:52:45,079 --> 00:52:47,423
♪ Gonna kill myself tonight ♪
786
00:52:47,581 --> 00:52:49,504
♪ Gonna kill myself tonight ♪
787
00:52:49,667 --> 00:52:51,635
♪ This is the last song ♪
788
00:52:51,794 --> 00:52:54,092
♪ I'll ever write ♪
789
00:52:54,254 --> 00:52:57,975
♪ Gonna kill myself tonight ♪
790
00:52:58,133 --> 00:53:00,932
♪ This is the last song ♪
791
00:53:01,095 --> 00:53:03,268
♪ I'll ever write ♪
792
00:53:03,430 --> 00:53:05,558
♪ Gonna kill myself tonight ♪
793
00:53:05,724 --> 00:53:07,852
♪ I'm gonna kill myself tonight ♪
794
00:53:08,018 --> 00:53:10,316
♪ This is the last song ♪
795
00:53:10,479 --> 00:53:12,823
♪ I'll ever write ♪
796
00:53:12,981 --> 00:53:14,904
♪ Gonna kill myself tonight ♪
797
00:53:15,067 --> 00:53:17,411
♪ I'm gonna kill myself tonight ♪
798
00:53:17,569 --> 00:53:19,822
♪ This is the last song ♪
799
00:53:19,988 --> 00:53:22,207
♪ I'll ever write ♪
800
00:53:22,366 --> 00:53:24,334
♪ Gonna kill myself tonight ♪
801
00:53:24,493 --> 00:53:26,791
♪ I'm gonna kill myself tonight ♪
802
00:53:26,954 --> 00:53:29,332
♪ This is the last song ♪
803
00:53:29,498 --> 00:53:31,717
♪ I'll ever write ♪
804
00:53:31,875 --> 00:53:33,798
♪ Gonna kill myself tonight ♪
805
00:53:33,961 --> 00:53:36,259
♪ I'm gonna kill myself tonight ♪
806
00:53:36,422 --> 00:53:40,802
♪ Gonna kill myself,
gonna kill myself ♪
807
00:53:40,968 --> 00:53:43,972
♪ Gonna kill myself tonight ♪
808
00:53:45,639 --> 00:53:47,892
♪ I'm gonna kill myself ♪
809
00:53:48,058 --> 00:53:50,436
♪ Gonna kill myself ♪
810
00:53:50,602 --> 00:53:53,697
♪ Gonna kill myself tonight ♪
811
00:53:55,482 --> 00:53:57,780
♪ This is the last song ♪
812
00:53:57,943 --> 00:54:00,412
♪ I'll ever write ♪
813
00:54:00,571 --> 00:54:02,573
♪ Gonna kill myself tonight ♪
814
00:54:02,740 --> 00:54:05,163
♪ I'm gonna kill myself tonight ♪
815
00:54:05,325 --> 00:54:07,623
♪ This is the last song ♪
816
00:54:07,786 --> 00:54:10,084
♪ I'll ever write ♪
817
00:54:10,247 --> 00:54:12,249
♪ Gonna kill myself tonight ♪
818
00:54:12,416 --> 00:54:14,760
♪ I'm gonna kill myself tonight ♪
819
00:54:14,918 --> 00:54:17,216
♪ This is the last song ♪
820
00:54:17,379 --> 00:54:19,848
♪ I'll ever write ♪
821
00:54:20,007 --> 00:54:22,009
♪ Gonna kill myself tonight ♪
822
00:54:22,176 --> 00:54:24,599
♪ I'm gonna kill myself tonight ♪
823
00:54:24,762 --> 00:54:27,060
♪ This is the last song ♪
824
00:54:27,222 --> 00:54:29,691
♪ I'll ever write ♪
825
00:54:29,850 --> 00:54:31,852
♪ Gonna kill myself tonight ♪
826
00:54:32,019 --> 00:54:34,021
♪ I'm gonna kill myself tonight ♪
827
00:54:34,188 --> 00:54:36,532
♪ This is the last song ♪
828
00:54:36,690 --> 00:54:39,159
♪ I'll ever write ♪
829
00:54:39,318 --> 00:54:41,320
♪ Gonna kill myself tonight ♪
830
00:54:41,487 --> 00:54:43,865
♪ I'm gonna kill myself tonight ♪
831
00:54:44,031 --> 00:54:46,033
♪ This is... ♪
832
00:54:49,495 --> 00:54:51,668
(VOCALIZING)
833
00:54:59,671 --> 00:55:01,844
(DISTANT MUSIC CONTINUES)
834
00:55:04,593 --> 00:55:09,019
LAUREN: So this room is
a little prewar, right?
835
00:55:21,485 --> 00:55:23,487
(COUGHING)
836
00:55:28,992 --> 00:55:31,086
♪ I'm calling ♪
837
00:55:31,245 --> 00:55:32,963
♪ But no one ♪
838
00:55:33,121 --> 00:55:35,123
♪ Will be hearing ♪
839
00:55:37,209 --> 00:55:39,428
♪ I'm laughing ♪
840
00:55:39,586 --> 00:55:43,261
♪ But I cannot be heard ♪
841
00:55:45,300 --> 00:55:47,769
♪ I'm crying ♪
842
00:55:47,928 --> 00:55:51,603
♪ But no one will be drying ♪
843
00:55:55,686 --> 00:55:58,940
♪ These tears that fall ♪
844
00:56:01,650 --> 00:56:05,905
♪ So how do we ever ♪
845
00:56:06,071 --> 00:56:09,701
♪ Face a thousand violins? ♪
846
00:56:09,867 --> 00:56:13,917
♪ And how do we ever ♪
847
00:56:14,079 --> 00:56:17,128
- ♪ Even start to begin? ♪
- (MOANING)
848
00:56:18,375 --> 00:56:20,298
♪ It's raining ♪
849
00:56:20,460 --> 00:56:24,260
♪ Without a sign of stopping ♪
850
00:56:26,466 --> 00:56:28,594
- ♪ It's sunny... ♪
- (MOANING)
851
00:56:28,760 --> 00:56:31,263
♪ But no one's getting warm ♪
852
00:56:34,975 --> 00:56:36,818
♪ In heaven ♪
853
00:56:36,977 --> 00:56:41,153
♪ The harps have all
been broken... ♪
854
00:56:41,315 --> 00:56:44,068
(SQUEALS)
I think I'm coming.
855
00:56:44,234 --> 00:56:47,989
Oh, I'm coming. I think I'm coming.
856
00:56:48,155 --> 00:56:50,829
(MOANS)
857
00:56:50,991 --> 00:56:54,746
- ♪ So how do we ever... ♪
- (LAUREN MOANING)
858
00:56:54,912 --> 00:56:57,006
♪ Face a thousand ♪
859
00:56:57,164 --> 00:56:59,337
- ♪ Violins? ♪
- Ugh.
860
00:56:59,499 --> 00:57:02,924
♪ And how do we ever ♪
861
00:57:03,086 --> 00:57:04,963
- ♪ Even start... ♪
- Mm.
862
00:57:05,130 --> 00:57:06,928
- ♪ To begin? ♪
- Mm, yeah.
863
00:57:07,090 --> 00:57:08,683
Aww.
864
00:57:08,842 --> 00:57:11,345
♪ All through the days ♪
865
00:57:11,511 --> 00:57:14,435
♪ Now faded away ♪
866
00:57:16,350 --> 00:57:19,194
♪ One thought remains... ♪
867
00:57:19,353 --> 00:57:21,196
- Oh, faster.
- ♪ One thought ♪
868
00:57:21,355 --> 00:57:23,653
♪ Does stay ♪
869
00:57:23,815 --> 00:57:27,695
♪ It haunts me still ♪
870
00:57:27,861 --> 00:57:31,911
♪ It will remain... ♪
871
00:57:32,074 --> 00:57:35,419
- (MOANING)
- ♪ I'm lost in wonder ♪
872
00:57:35,577 --> 00:57:39,207
♪ And I hear again ♪
873
00:57:39,373 --> 00:57:43,844
♪ Tell me how do we ever... ♪
874
00:57:44,002 --> 00:57:47,222
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
875
00:57:47,381 --> 00:57:51,261
(EUGENE IMITATES DRUMBEAT)
876
00:57:51,426 --> 00:57:55,556
Yo, yo, yo, my niggas,
my jiggas, my wiggas,
877
00:57:55,722 --> 00:57:59,067
Eugene the Machine has arrived
878
00:57:59,226 --> 00:58:01,570
and he feels alive!
879
00:58:01,728 --> 00:58:04,857
Now y'all give him five!
880
00:58:05,023 --> 00:58:08,653
(MUSIC STOPS)
881
00:58:08,819 --> 00:58:10,696
That's it? Nothing?
882
00:58:10,862 --> 00:58:14,082
Not even an impromptu dance number?
883
00:58:15,409 --> 00:58:17,082
Eugene needs a drink.
884
00:58:22,791 --> 00:58:25,840
I used to smoke after sex.
Now I broccoli.
885
00:58:27,504 --> 00:58:29,381
So what do we do now?
886
00:58:29,548 --> 00:58:32,518
Come out of the closet like Ellen?
I think we should.
887
00:58:33,802 --> 00:58:36,225
You can't even wear a hoodie
and eat Skittles in this town
888
00:58:36,388 --> 00:58:38,265
without getting shot.
889
00:58:38,432 --> 00:58:41,561
A hoodie? Are you saying being
gay is worse than being black?
890
00:58:41,727 --> 00:58:44,606
No, I'm saying that in this town
891
00:58:44,771 --> 00:58:47,650
people think that LGBT stands for
892
00:58:47,816 --> 00:58:51,070
"lynch, grope, bully, torture."
893
00:58:51,236 --> 00:58:53,830
I'll stick with the closet, thanks.
894
00:58:59,119 --> 00:59:00,871
(GRUNTS)
895
00:59:01,038 --> 00:59:04,338
Whoa, Eugene likes it rough.
896
00:59:04,499 --> 00:59:06,797
Eugene needs some.
897
00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:09,304
Yeah? You want to see this?
898
00:59:09,463 --> 00:59:10,965
Whoa.
899
00:59:11,131 --> 00:59:13,509
(BOTH MOANING)
900
00:59:15,010 --> 00:59:17,229
I'm gonna show 'em to you, baby.
901
00:59:17,387 --> 00:59:19,185
I'm gonna show you
everything I got.
902
00:59:19,347 --> 00:59:22,351
Baby, Eugene needs to see.
903
00:59:22,517 --> 00:59:25,316
Oh. Oh-ho-ho.
904
00:59:27,564 --> 00:59:29,612
(LAUGHING)
905
00:59:29,775 --> 00:59:31,777
Oh, yeah.
906
00:59:34,488 --> 00:59:37,788
Oh, baby, it's been a long time.
907
00:59:37,949 --> 00:59:39,622
You've got no idea.
908
00:59:39,785 --> 00:59:42,334
(ENGINE REVVING)
909
00:59:42,496 --> 00:59:44,373
(CRETINS LAUGHING)
910
00:59:44,539 --> 00:59:47,167
- (CRETINS SNARLING)
- (STUDENTS SCREAMING)
911
00:59:47,334 --> 00:59:49,336
Oh, snap.
912
00:59:52,297 --> 00:59:55,471
Eugene can't wait. Eugene
ain't got more patience.
913
00:59:55,634 --> 00:59:58,433
Eugene needs to feel this now.
914
00:59:58,595 --> 01:00:01,098
- Yeah? Are you gonna touch it?
- Yeah, I'm gonna touch it.
915
01:00:01,264 --> 01:00:03,813
I'm gonna touch it.
I'm gonna touch it.
916
01:00:03,975 --> 01:00:06,273
What you got? Oh, man.
917
01:00:06,436 --> 01:00:09,690
Oh, man. Oh, man!
918
01:00:09,856 --> 01:00:14,157
You really are a man!
919
01:00:14,319 --> 01:00:16,538
(SCREAMS)
920
01:00:18,532 --> 01:00:21,502
A Party. and we were not invited.
921
01:00:23,286 --> 01:00:27,207
Donatello, let's give them a shot.
922
01:00:27,374 --> 01:00:28,717
Yup.
923
01:00:28,875 --> 01:00:31,594
Eugene is confused.
924
01:00:31,753 --> 01:00:33,755
Malfunction. Malfunction.
925
01:00:33,922 --> 01:00:36,266
Machine shutdown.
926
01:00:36,424 --> 01:00:38,222
(EUGENE LAUGHING)
927
01:00:43,557 --> 01:00:45,559
(LAUGHING)
928
01:00:48,854 --> 01:00:50,856
(CHEERING)
929
01:00:55,485 --> 01:00:58,113
Let's get out of here.
930
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:00,749
(SPEAKS JAPANESE)
931
01:01:02,200 --> 01:01:04,578
But I'm also saying
932
01:01:04,744 --> 01:01:07,748
that I've never felt
this way before.
933
01:01:07,914 --> 01:01:09,882
Me either.
934
01:01:10,041 --> 01:01:12,260
It's the love that dare
not speak its name.
935
01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:21,519
- This is hot.
- Yeah, this is so hot.
936
01:01:21,678 --> 01:01:24,181
No, like really hot.
937
01:01:24,347 --> 01:01:26,566
Like, I'm burning up.
938
01:01:26,725 --> 01:01:29,228
Wait, do you smell smoke?
939
01:01:36,943 --> 01:01:38,536
- Fire!
- Fire!
940
01:01:38,695 --> 01:01:40,868
(SCREAMING)
941
01:01:44,075 --> 01:01:45,873
♪ The gigolo, the gigolo ♪
942
01:01:46,036 --> 01:01:47,788
♪ Is charging twice the price ♪
943
01:01:47,954 --> 01:01:51,083
♪ To the priest in holy orders
who lives a life of vice ♪
944
01:01:51,249 --> 01:01:54,549
♪ He pleads for mercy, God says no ♪
945
01:01:54,711 --> 01:01:58,261
♪ Swing 'em high, swing 'em low ♪
946
01:01:58,423 --> 01:02:00,471
♪ The old lady's savings ♪
947
01:02:00,634 --> 01:02:02,154
- ♪ Time do erode... ♪
- (COUGHING)
948
01:02:02,302 --> 01:02:04,020
♪ She can't pay for the heating... ♪
949
01:02:04,179 --> 01:02:06,056
It's okay. I got my hat.
950
01:02:06,223 --> 01:02:09,272
What kind of a god would turn
a glee club into Cretins?
951
01:02:09,434 --> 01:02:11,812
- (EXPLOSION)
- My house.
952
01:02:11,978 --> 01:02:13,400
My house.
953
01:02:13,563 --> 01:02:16,191
After-party at my place?
I got pizza rolls in the freezer.
954
01:02:16,358 --> 01:02:18,656
- Pizza rolls?
- My house!
955
01:02:18,818 --> 01:02:21,492
My commemorative plates!
Those fucking monsters!
956
01:02:21,655 --> 01:02:23,657
It's okay. We'll put them
in the oven right now...
957
01:02:23,823 --> 01:02:25,291
sausage, pepperoni, vegan...
958
01:02:25,450 --> 01:02:29,500
Will you shut up?
I didn't even invite you!
959
01:02:29,663 --> 01:02:31,757
Those bastards.
960
01:02:31,915 --> 01:02:33,633
They could have killed somebody.
961
01:02:33,792 --> 01:02:35,965
(DISTANT SIREN WAILING)
962
01:02:43,969 --> 01:02:46,142
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
963
01:02:55,480 --> 01:02:57,653
- (LAUREN MOANING)
- (ROARS)
964
01:03:05,323 --> 01:03:07,496
(CHRISSY MUMBLING)
965
01:03:12,956 --> 01:03:15,960
(MOANING)
I think I'm...
966
01:03:27,929 --> 01:03:29,852
(SCREAMS)
967
01:03:47,032 --> 01:03:49,330
(WHIMPERING)
968
01:03:49,492 --> 01:03:52,041
(SCREAMING)
969
01:03:58,460 --> 01:04:00,383
(SIGHS)
970
01:04:22,525 --> 01:04:25,620
♪ Jimmy was just
coming out of school ♪
971
01:04:25,779 --> 01:04:28,282
♪ When the drug dealer came ♪
972
01:04:28,448 --> 01:04:30,826
♪ Give me some of that heroin ♪
973
01:04:30,992 --> 01:04:33,541
♪ Some of that cocaine ♪
974
01:04:33,703 --> 01:04:36,252
♪ Heroin, heroin and cocaine ♪
975
01:04:36,414 --> 01:04:38,963
♪ Heroin, heroin and cocaine... ♪
976
01:04:40,418 --> 01:04:43,888
Mm, mm.
977
01:04:45,340 --> 01:04:47,342
(HOWLS)
978
01:04:49,969 --> 01:04:52,643
(MUSIC PLAYING)
979
01:05:08,613 --> 01:05:10,957
(LAUGHING)
980
01:05:12,700 --> 01:05:14,168
(HOWLING)
981
01:05:14,327 --> 01:05:16,170
Huh?
982
01:05:16,329 --> 01:05:20,755
♪ Good night, ladies ♪
983
01:05:20,917 --> 01:05:22,794
♪ Good night ♪
984
01:05:22,961 --> 01:05:25,134
♪ Ladies ♪
985
01:05:25,296 --> 01:05:29,142
♪ Good night, ladies ♪
986
01:05:29,300 --> 01:05:33,305
♪ We're going to leave you now ♪
987
01:05:33,471 --> 01:05:35,974
♪ Merrily we roll along ♪
988
01:05:36,141 --> 01:05:37,609
♪ Roll along, roll along ♪
989
01:05:37,767 --> 01:05:39,519
♪ Merrily we roll along ♪
990
01:05:39,686 --> 01:05:41,563
♪ Over the dark blue sea. ♪
991
01:05:46,693 --> 01:05:49,071
Look at these jerks.
992
01:05:49,237 --> 01:05:51,080
They call themselves Cretins.
993
01:05:51,239 --> 01:05:54,709
They look more like
Glee-tins to me.
994
01:05:54,868 --> 01:05:57,712
- (ROARS)
- (ROARS)
995
01:05:57,871 --> 01:06:01,091
Donatello, burn some rubber!
996
01:06:01,249 --> 01:06:03,092
Motherfuckers!
997
01:06:03,251 --> 01:06:05,003
(SCREAMING)
998
01:06:08,715 --> 01:06:12,390
(LAUGHS)
999
01:06:12,552 --> 01:06:13,724
Give me the duck.
1000
01:06:15,096 --> 01:06:16,814
You wouldn't hit a
cripple, would you?
1001
01:06:16,973 --> 01:06:19,271
Yeah, I would.
1002
01:06:23,229 --> 01:06:24,902
Hey, we was just kiddin'.
1003
01:06:25,064 --> 01:06:28,068
Duck rape is life-affirming.
It was on NPR.
1004
01:06:28,234 --> 01:06:31,238
Oh, well, this ain't
about duck rape.
1005
01:06:31,404 --> 01:06:33,406
It's about dick rape.
1006
01:06:33,573 --> 01:06:35,917
No! No!
1007
01:06:36,075 --> 01:06:38,077
(SCREAMING)
1008
01:06:49,088 --> 01:06:51,261
- Whoa!
- Oh, shit.
1009
01:06:51,424 --> 01:06:54,428
(SCREAMING)
1010
01:07:17,534 --> 01:07:19,536
NARRATOR:
Mother's body began to change too.
1011
01:07:19,702 --> 01:07:22,080
Time for the baby
to leave the nest.
1012
01:07:24,999 --> 01:07:27,673
Something's about to burst,
and it's not my water.
1013
01:07:27,835 --> 01:07:29,303
- (CREATURE QUACKS)
- What the...?
1014
01:07:29,462 --> 01:07:33,308
(SCREAMING)
1015
01:07:33,466 --> 01:07:36,845
What the fuck? You stole my heart.
1016
01:07:37,011 --> 01:07:39,560
Don't take my heart. Argh!
1017
01:07:41,307 --> 01:07:43,105
(GIGGLES)
Look at those cholesterol levels.
1018
01:07:43,268 --> 01:07:45,270
He should have went vegan.
1019
01:07:46,813 --> 01:07:48,736
CHRISSY: My dick is hungry.
1020
01:07:48,898 --> 01:07:50,070
Mm-hmm.
1021
01:07:52,902 --> 01:07:54,449
Please don't hurt us.
1022
01:07:56,531 --> 01:07:58,750
Wait, we're not with them.
1023
01:07:58,908 --> 01:08:00,831
We're just... we're just extras.
1024
01:08:00,994 --> 01:08:03,543
Yeah, that... that's it.
1025
01:08:03,705 --> 01:08:05,958
♪ Fuck mercy ♪
1026
01:08:09,377 --> 01:08:10,503
♪ Fuck mercy. ♪
1027
01:08:10,670 --> 01:08:12,672
(SIREN WAILING)
1028
01:08:14,841 --> 01:08:16,684
GIRLS: Uh-oh, cops.
1029
01:08:16,843 --> 01:08:19,221
- MAN: Yeah, suck that dick.
- Oh, snap.
1030
01:08:19,387 --> 01:08:20,684
(DONATELLO SOBBING)
1031
01:08:20,847 --> 01:08:22,849
(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)
1032
01:08:24,767 --> 01:08:28,522
Yeah, suck that dirty,
sleazy Cretin dick.
1033
01:08:28,688 --> 01:08:31,612
- All right, that's enough.
- The coppers?
1034
01:08:31,774 --> 01:08:34,402
Fuck you, fucking cops.
I'm a victim, man.
1035
01:08:34,569 --> 01:08:37,118
I was born in Orange
County. Coddle me.
1036
01:08:37,280 --> 01:08:38,907
Hey.
1037
01:08:40,533 --> 01:08:42,206
What is with the youth of today?
1038
01:08:42,368 --> 01:08:44,120
We're the youth of tomorrow.
1039
01:08:44,287 --> 01:08:46,039
- (GUNSHOT)
- (LAUGHING)
1040
01:08:46,205 --> 01:08:49,709
(GUNSHOTS)
1041
01:08:49,876 --> 01:08:51,549
♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪
1042
01:08:51,711 --> 01:08:53,839
♪ We'll give them a
hearty welcome then ♪
1043
01:08:54,005 --> 01:08:55,757
♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪
1044
01:08:55,923 --> 01:08:57,846
♪ The men will cheer and
the boys will shout ♪
1045
01:08:58,009 --> 01:09:00,228
♪ The ladies, they
will all turn out ♪
1046
01:09:00,386 --> 01:09:02,138
♪ And we'll all feel gay ♪
1047
01:09:02,305 --> 01:09:04,273
♪ When Johnny comes marching home. ♪
1048
01:09:04,432 --> 01:09:07,811
(VOCALIZING)
1049
01:09:10,647 --> 01:09:12,240
(ROARS)
1050
01:09:14,484 --> 01:09:16,157
I'm so pissed.
1051
01:09:16,319 --> 01:09:19,914
I need revenge. I need
an outlet for my anger.
1052
01:09:20,073 --> 01:09:23,953
Oh, snap. Maybe we
need some new blood.
1053
01:09:24,118 --> 01:09:26,837
Yes, but who?
1054
01:09:26,996 --> 01:09:30,091
Excuse me. Hi. I have baked goods.
1055
01:09:30,249 --> 01:09:33,253
Hey. guys. what's the haps?
1056
01:09:33,419 --> 01:09:35,296
(LAUGHING)
1057
01:09:35,463 --> 01:09:37,340
(GROWLS)
1058
01:09:37,507 --> 01:09:39,851
Hi. I want to join your gang.
1059
01:09:40,009 --> 01:09:42,603
(LAUGHS)
1060
01:09:43,930 --> 01:09:45,932
You think you got what
it takes, lard-ass?
1061
01:09:46,099 --> 01:09:50,195
I just want to belong.
1062
01:09:50,353 --> 01:09:51,900
Oh-ho.
1063
01:09:52,063 --> 01:09:54,441
(SPITS)
1064
01:09:54,607 --> 01:09:57,201
Why don't you go get revenge
on your two bitch-ass friends?
1065
01:09:57,360 --> 01:09:59,237
And then we can see what we can do.
1066
01:09:59,404 --> 01:10:00,451
Lauren and Chrissy?
1067
01:10:00,613 --> 01:10:02,832
Yeah, dipshit. Got it?
1068
01:10:04,450 --> 01:10:07,329
Go. Go, go, go.
1069
01:10:07,495 --> 01:10:09,998
- Oh, snap.
- Go.
1070
01:10:10,164 --> 01:10:12,132
(ROARS)
1071
01:10:14,293 --> 01:10:16,136
(LAUGHS)
1072
01:10:16,295 --> 01:10:18,718
(WHIMPERING)
1073
01:10:18,881 --> 01:10:22,055
That's why they call me Cigar Face.
1074
01:10:22,218 --> 01:10:23,435
(LAUGHING)
1075
01:10:23,594 --> 01:10:26,268
Hey. Hey, hey, hey,
no laughing. No laughing.
1076
01:10:26,431 --> 01:10:28,809
Now listen very carefully...
very carefully.
1077
01:10:28,975 --> 01:10:30,693
Some of our innocent young
1078
01:10:30,852 --> 01:10:32,820
glee club members
from the high school
1079
01:10:32,979 --> 01:10:35,323
have been savagely,
savagely murdered.
1080
01:10:35,481 --> 01:10:37,441
And I'm hearing that the
culprits are two women...
1081
01:10:37,525 --> 01:10:38,947
- Hmm?
- ...one of whom...
1082
01:10:39,110 --> 01:10:40,532
one of whom has a giant penis.
1083
01:10:40,695 --> 01:10:42,948
Now I want you to go
out and kill all women
1084
01:10:43,114 --> 01:10:45,116
- with giant penises.
- Oh.
1085
01:10:45,283 --> 01:10:46,500
Do you understand?
1086
01:10:46,659 --> 01:10:47,876
But that means every wife.
1087
01:10:48,035 --> 01:10:50,163
And mother-in-law in Tromaville.
1088
01:10:50,329 --> 01:10:55,380
That's the point. Now go, kill
all women with giant penises.
1089
01:10:55,543 --> 01:10:57,841
Sir, the president's
wife is on the line.
1090
01:10:58,004 --> 01:11:00,006
She heard about your
planned trip to Cuba.
1091
01:11:00,173 --> 01:11:01,345
She's really pissed.
1092
01:11:01,507 --> 01:11:03,680
Give me that.
1093
01:11:03,843 --> 01:11:05,720
I'm not making the
mistake this time.
1094
01:11:05,887 --> 01:11:08,436
Yes, Mrs. President.
1095
01:11:10,141 --> 01:11:13,236
What? You're coming over here?
You're coming... what time is it?
1096
01:11:13,394 --> 01:11:14,862
- Oh! Oh!
- Oh, my God.
1097
01:11:15,021 --> 01:11:17,194
(BOTH STAMMERING)
1098
01:11:23,362 --> 01:11:24,955
Uh, listen, I...
1099
01:11:25,114 --> 01:11:27,583
I knew it. I blew it.
You've been with better.
1100
01:11:27,742 --> 01:11:29,619
Look, you don't have
to tell me. I know.
1101
01:11:29,786 --> 01:11:31,709
My vagina looks like a
slab of roast beef.
1102
01:11:31,871 --> 01:11:33,589
And I don't douche as
often as I should.
1103
01:11:33,748 --> 01:11:35,295
And I think I might have
queefed in your mouth
1104
01:11:35,458 --> 01:11:38,177
- when you went down on me.
- Oh, God, stop. No.
1105
01:11:38,336 --> 01:11:41,556
Are you kidding me? It was
the best night of my life.
1106
01:11:41,714 --> 01:11:44,388
Did you have any strange dreams?
1107
01:11:46,385 --> 01:11:48,228
I had super weird dreams.
1108
01:11:48,387 --> 01:11:49,604
Holy shit, me too.
1109
01:11:49,764 --> 01:11:52,392
LAUREN: I'm still not sure
if those were dreams.
1110
01:11:52,558 --> 01:11:55,653
CHRISSY: OMG, I was thinking
the same exact thing.
1111
01:11:55,812 --> 01:11:58,907
LAUREN: We could be a
lesbianic Jekyll and Hyde.
1112
01:12:01,067 --> 01:12:03,411
Wait, you queefed in my mouth?
1113
01:12:03,569 --> 01:12:05,571
No, of course not.
1114
01:12:10,576 --> 01:12:12,749
(STUDENTS SCREAMING)
1115
01:12:20,461 --> 01:12:23,089
(TIRES SCREECH)
1116
01:12:23,256 --> 01:12:25,475
What is up, BFFs?
1117
01:12:25,633 --> 01:12:27,601
STFU, Zac.
1118
01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:30,183
Check it. An anonymous
contributor to my blog,
1119
01:12:30,346 --> 01:12:32,940
Deeper Throat, sent
me some crazy videos
1120
01:12:33,099 --> 01:12:35,272
of what actually goes
on at Tromorganic.
1121
01:12:35,434 --> 01:12:39,109
The "Tromorganic-Westly Conspiracy"
has to have gone viral by now.
1122
01:12:39,272 --> 01:12:41,274
Holy shit.
1123
01:12:41,440 --> 01:12:43,488
Are those the missing
Tromaville students?
1124
01:12:43,651 --> 01:12:45,619
CHRISSY: Yeah, I know.
I didn't believe it myself.
1125
01:12:45,778 --> 01:12:48,531
- Uh-huh.
- KELLY: What is that?
1126
01:12:48,698 --> 01:12:50,120
CHRISSY: Look at this part.
Look at this part.
1127
01:12:50,283 --> 01:12:52,126
- (ALL EXCLAIMING)
- CHRISSY: Look what he's about to do.
1128
01:12:52,285 --> 01:12:53,787
It's so crazy.
1129
01:12:53,953 --> 01:12:57,798
They're being slaughtered,
like Bambi's mother.
1130
01:12:57,957 --> 01:13:00,801
- (SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
- Okay, guys, to be continued.
1131
01:13:00,960 --> 01:13:03,338
CRETIN: Oh, snap.
1132
01:13:03,504 --> 01:13:05,552
- (CRETINS LAUGHS)
- LAUREN: Oh, shit.
1133
01:13:05,715 --> 01:13:08,476
- CHRISSY: The Cretins are coming.
- LAUREN: They're gonna sing again.
1134
01:13:08,509 --> 01:13:10,136
♪ Who taught me this? ♪
1135
01:13:10,303 --> 01:13:13,273
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
1136
01:13:13,431 --> 01:13:15,308
♪ All around the mulberry bush ♪
1137
01:13:15,474 --> 01:13:17,147
♪ The monkey chased the weasel ♪
1138
01:13:17,310 --> 01:13:19,070
♪ The monkey thought
it was all in fun... ♪
1139
01:13:19,103 --> 01:13:20,980
- (GUNSHOT)
- ♪ Pop, goes the weasel. ♪
1140
01:13:21,147 --> 01:13:24,151
- (STUDENTS SCREAMING)
- (GUNSHOTS)
1141
01:13:54,388 --> 01:13:56,140
All right, well,
1142
01:13:56,307 --> 01:13:58,025
- I gotta go to gym class.
- Yeah.
1143
01:13:58,184 --> 01:14:00,152
- So I'll catch you later?
- Uh-huh.
1144
01:14:10,863 --> 01:14:12,536
Okay, then.
1145
01:14:12,698 --> 01:14:14,166
See ya.
1146
01:14:14,325 --> 01:14:15,747
- Bye.
- Bye.
1147
01:14:15,910 --> 01:14:18,254
♪ I'm calling ♪
1148
01:14:18,412 --> 01:14:21,382
♪ But no one will be... ♪
1149
01:14:26,295 --> 01:14:27,592
(FARTS)
1150
01:14:27,755 --> 01:14:30,133
NASA also gave us some
pretty interesting
1151
01:14:30,299 --> 01:14:31,892
derivatives of the space program:
1152
01:14:32,051 --> 01:14:34,975
not just Tang... America's
favorite breakfast drink,
1153
01:14:35,137 --> 01:14:37,981
but there's the Challenger
explosion of 1986...
1154
01:14:38,140 --> 01:14:40,438
America's favorite
shuttle disaster,
1155
01:14:40,601 --> 01:14:43,354
and also...
1156
01:14:43,521 --> 01:14:45,398
lasers!
1157
01:14:45,564 --> 01:14:47,987
(IMITATES GUNFIRE)
1158
01:14:48,150 --> 01:14:51,780
When the rubble cleared
after the nuclear meltdown
1159
01:14:51,946 --> 01:14:53,914
from the original
"Class of Nuke 'Em High,"
1160
01:14:54,073 --> 01:14:56,246
this laser was all that was left.
1161
01:14:56,409 --> 01:15:01,255
And, might I add, this
laser is highly unstable.
1162
01:15:01,414 --> 01:15:03,508
But I'm sure it no longer works.
1163
01:15:03,666 --> 01:15:06,419
(HUMMING)
1164
01:15:06,585 --> 01:15:08,758
(SCREAMS)
1165
01:15:08,921 --> 01:15:11,925
Mother of fuck.
1166
01:15:12,091 --> 01:15:13,343
Let's go.
1167
01:15:13,509 --> 01:15:15,887
We'll never beat Amorville
with that attitude.
1168
01:15:18,264 --> 01:15:21,438
(VIDEO GAMES BEEPING)
1169
01:15:21,600 --> 01:15:23,398
Come on, work those thumbs.
1170
01:15:23,561 --> 01:15:25,859
What, are you a bunch of girls?
1171
01:15:26,022 --> 01:15:28,821
- (STOMACH GROWLING)
- (LAUREN GROANING)
1172
01:15:35,031 --> 01:15:36,578
Do you have a...?
1173
01:15:36,741 --> 01:15:39,039
Sorry.
1174
01:15:39,201 --> 01:15:41,704
Okay, hit the showers.
1175
01:15:43,330 --> 01:15:45,833
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
1176
01:15:46,000 --> 01:15:49,755
Lasers can also
1177
01:15:49,920 --> 01:15:54,221
apparently blind.
1178
01:15:54,383 --> 01:15:57,683
Mr. Chips. Mr. Chips.
1179
01:15:57,845 --> 01:15:59,643
(WHIMPERS)
1180
01:15:59,805 --> 01:16:01,682
Can I have a pee-pee pass, please?
1181
01:16:01,849 --> 01:16:05,570
Fine. Fine, Zac, just go.
1182
01:16:05,728 --> 01:16:07,776
(WHIMPERS)
1183
01:16:10,483 --> 01:16:13,236
Why don't these fucks in
the ether believe my blog?
1184
01:16:13,402 --> 01:16:15,154
What you got there, fucker?
1185
01:16:17,031 --> 01:16:19,500
(LAUGHING)
1186
01:16:21,494 --> 01:16:22,837
Hey, cunt, give it back.
1187
01:16:22,995 --> 01:16:26,920
Is that granny's douche
bag or is that just you?
1188
01:16:27,083 --> 01:16:29,051
Nice dicks, faggot.
1189
01:16:30,669 --> 01:16:33,047
Yeah. Uh, Mr. Chips,
1190
01:16:33,214 --> 01:16:36,593
Mr. Chips, our Chrissy
here is blogging in class.
1191
01:16:38,677 --> 01:16:40,304
Okay, you want your phone back?
1192
01:16:40,471 --> 01:16:42,519
You want your phone back,
you little dyke-tron?
1193
01:16:42,681 --> 01:16:45,651
Go fucking get it.
1194
01:16:45,810 --> 01:16:48,188
(GROANS)
1195
01:16:51,107 --> 01:16:53,405
You filthy little cunt.
1196
01:16:58,364 --> 01:17:01,208
(CHANTING)
Fight, fight, fight, fight!
1197
01:17:01,367 --> 01:17:06,376
You just fucked with the wrong
postapocalyptic hell bitch.
1198
01:17:08,833 --> 01:17:11,336
(GRUNTING)
1199
01:17:16,298 --> 01:17:17,971
(SCREAMING)
1200
01:17:18,134 --> 01:17:19,477
Give me a break.
1201
01:17:19,635 --> 01:17:21,228
(SHRIEKS)
1202
01:17:21,387 --> 01:17:23,230
(SCREAMING)
1203
01:17:28,769 --> 01:17:30,646
Why?
1204
01:17:30,813 --> 01:17:33,236
(SOBBING)
1205
01:17:33,399 --> 01:17:35,618
(WHIMPERING)
1206
01:17:35,776 --> 01:17:38,825
Why?
1207
01:17:40,823 --> 01:17:43,076
Fucking middleman!
1208
01:17:43,242 --> 01:17:44,710
(ROARS)
1209
01:17:44,869 --> 01:17:48,794
Both of you, to the
principal's office now.
1210
01:17:48,956 --> 01:17:50,128
She started it.
1211
01:17:50,291 --> 01:17:53,921
In that case, Chrissy Goldberg
to the principal's office.
1212
01:17:54,086 --> 01:17:55,929
You've got to be kidding me.
1213
01:17:56,088 --> 01:17:58,682
MR. CHIPS: Now!
1214
01:17:58,841 --> 01:18:00,718
- Fucker.
- Fuck you.
1215
01:18:00,885 --> 01:18:02,979
Fuck you.
1216
01:18:03,137 --> 01:18:06,061
Would one of you kind students
1217
01:18:06,223 --> 01:18:09,443
please lead me to the
eyewash station?
1218
01:18:09,602 --> 01:18:11,229
Oh.
1219
01:18:39,256 --> 01:18:42,226
(LAUREN SCREAMS)
1220
01:18:44,553 --> 01:18:46,726
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
1221
01:19:15,209 --> 01:19:17,211
♪ What's going on ♪
1222
01:19:18,837 --> 01:19:21,010
♪ At Nuke 'Em High? ♪
1223
01:19:21,173 --> 01:19:23,175
♪ What's going on ♪
1224
01:19:24,843 --> 01:19:27,016
♪ At Nuke 'Em High? ♪
1225
01:19:27,179 --> 01:19:30,228
♪ What's going on ♪
1226
01:19:30,391 --> 01:19:32,519
♪ At Nuke 'Em High? ♪
1227
01:19:32,685 --> 01:19:34,687
♪ What's going on ♪
1228
01:19:36,355 --> 01:19:39,279
♪ At Nuke 'Em High? ♪
1229
01:19:39,441 --> 01:19:41,284
♪ Nuke 'Em High ♪
1230
01:19:42,653 --> 01:19:47,079
♪ Nuke 'Em High,
Nuke 'Em High ♪
1231
01:19:48,409 --> 01:19:50,878
♪ Nuke 'Em High ♪
1232
01:19:51,036 --> 01:19:53,880
♪ Evacuation, there's no need ♪
1233
01:19:54,039 --> 01:19:56,883
♪ They say it's safe,
but talk is cheap ♪
1234
01:19:57,042 --> 01:19:59,886
♪ And as we all contaminate ♪
1235
01:20:00,045 --> 01:20:03,015
♪ It's ignorance that
seals our fate ♪
1236
01:20:03,173 --> 01:20:05,722
♪ I just ♪
1237
01:20:05,884 --> 01:20:08,637
♪ Really want to know ♪
1238
01:20:08,804 --> 01:20:11,432
♪ I just ♪
1239
01:20:11,598 --> 01:20:13,726
♪ Really want to know ♪
1240
01:20:13,892 --> 01:20:15,894
♪ What's going on ♪
1241
01:20:17,521 --> 01:20:19,694
♪ At Nuke 'Em High? ♪
1242
01:20:19,857 --> 01:20:22,201
♪ What's going on ♪
1243
01:20:23,569 --> 01:20:25,697
♪ At Nuke 'Em High? ♪
1244
01:20:25,863 --> 01:20:28,912
♪ What's going on ♪
1245
01:20:29,074 --> 01:20:31,247
♪ At Nuke 'Em High? ♪
1246
01:20:31,410 --> 01:20:33,412
♪ What's going on ♪
1247
01:20:35,039 --> 01:20:38,088
♪ At Nuke 'Em High? ♪
1248
01:21:01,774 --> 01:21:04,368
♪ I just ♪
1249
01:21:04,526 --> 01:21:07,279
♪ Really want to know ♪
1250
01:21:07,446 --> 01:21:10,074
♪ I just ♪
1251
01:21:10,240 --> 01:21:14,040
♪ Really want to know,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
1252
01:21:14,203 --> 01:21:16,205
♪ What's going on ♪
1253
01:21:17,790 --> 01:21:19,963
♪ At Nuke 'Em High? ♪
1254
01:21:20,125 --> 01:21:22,469
♪ What's going on ♪
1255
01:21:23,837 --> 01:21:25,965
♪ At Nuke 'Em High? ♪
1256
01:21:26,131 --> 01:21:29,226
♪ What's going on ♪
1257
01:21:29,385 --> 01:21:31,513
♪ At Nuke 'Em High? ♪
1258
01:21:31,678 --> 01:21:35,524
♪ What's going on ♪
1259
01:21:35,682 --> 01:21:39,528
♪ At Nuke 'Em ♪
1260
01:21:39,686 --> 01:21:44,658
♪ High? ♪
1261
01:21:55,452 --> 01:21:58,171
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1262
01:21:58,330 --> 01:22:01,334
♪ I just moved to town ♪
1263
01:22:01,500 --> 01:22:04,754
♪ Everyone brings me down ♪
1264
01:22:04,920 --> 01:22:08,015
♪ All I had was my duck ♪
1265
01:22:08,173 --> 01:22:11,177
♪ But he ran away ♪
1266
01:22:11,343 --> 01:22:14,267
♪ What else can I say? ♪
1267
01:22:14,430 --> 01:22:17,650
♪ I guess I'll just turn gay ♪
1268
01:22:17,808 --> 01:22:21,062
♪ With a girl who treats me bad ♪
1269
01:22:21,228 --> 01:22:23,606
♪ It's because she
don't have a dad ♪
1270
01:22:23,772 --> 01:22:27,868
♪ I sure hope I'm not
giving the plot away. ♪
1271
01:22:28,026 --> 01:22:30,199
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1272
01:22:36,869 --> 01:22:41,591
♪ And so your life's
been a success ♪
1273
01:22:41,748 --> 01:22:46,219
♪ And you have pleasure in excess ♪
1274
01:22:46,378 --> 01:22:50,599
♪ Don't worry,
it will all end soon ♪
1275
01:22:50,757 --> 01:22:55,263
♪ The crack of doom is coming soon ♪
1276
01:22:55,429 --> 01:22:59,684
♪ And so your future's
looking bright ♪
1277
01:22:59,850 --> 01:23:03,821
♪ And you've reached
the giddy heights ♪
1278
01:23:03,979 --> 01:23:06,573
♪ Don't worry ♪
1279
01:23:06,732 --> 01:23:08,450
♪ It will soon end ♪
1280
01:23:08,609 --> 01:23:12,785
♪ It is all shallow and pretend ♪
1281
01:23:12,946 --> 01:23:16,792
♪ The crack of doom is coming soon ♪
1282
01:23:16,950 --> 01:23:19,123
♪ The crack of doom ♪
1283
01:23:19,286 --> 01:23:21,254
♪ Is coming soon ♪
1284
01:23:21,413 --> 01:23:24,087
♪ Ha, ha, ha ♪
1285
01:23:24,249 --> 01:23:27,753
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
1286
01:23:27,920 --> 01:23:29,422
♪ Ha ♪
1287
01:23:29,588 --> 01:23:31,590
♪ And so your life ♪
1288
01:23:31,757 --> 01:23:33,851
♪ Your life has failed ♪
1289
01:23:34,009 --> 01:23:37,934
♪ You've made the
progress of a snail ♪
1290
01:23:38,096 --> 01:23:42,602
♪ Don't worry,
you'll get your revenge ♪
1291
01:23:42,768 --> 01:23:46,443
♪ For we're all equal in the end ♪
1292
01:23:46,605 --> 01:23:50,576
♪ The small and
mighty all the same ♪
1293
01:23:50,734 --> 01:23:55,114
♪ This life a shallow, facile game ♪
1294
01:23:55,280 --> 01:23:59,160
♪ Where every empire turns to dust ♪
1295
01:23:59,326 --> 01:24:03,081
♪ And every ego will be crushed ♪
1296
01:24:03,247 --> 01:24:07,343
♪ The crack of doom is coming soon ♪
1297
01:24:07,501 --> 01:24:11,051
♪ The crack of doom is coming soon ♪
1298
01:24:11,213 --> 01:24:13,136
♪ Ha, ha, ha ♪
1299
01:24:13,298 --> 01:24:16,472
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
1300
01:24:16,635 --> 01:24:18,888
♪ Ha, ha, ha ♪
1301
01:24:19,054 --> 01:24:22,058
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
1302
01:24:22,224 --> 01:24:24,477
♪ Ha, ha, ha ♪
1303
01:24:24,643 --> 01:24:27,738
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
1304
01:24:27,896 --> 01:24:30,149
♪ Ha, ha, ha ♪
1305
01:24:30,315 --> 01:24:33,319
♪ And every dream, hope and desire ♪
1306
01:24:33,485 --> 01:24:36,659
♪ Is just a flicker in the fire ♪
1307
01:24:36,822 --> 01:24:39,917
♪ And the fire, it will consume ♪
1308
01:24:40,075 --> 01:24:42,749
♪ The crack of doom is coming soon ♪
1309
01:24:42,911 --> 01:24:45,755
♪ The crack of doom is coming soon ♪
1310
01:24:45,914 --> 01:24:48,588
♪ The crack of doom is coming soon ♪
1311
01:24:48,750 --> 01:24:51,344
♪ The crack of doom is coming soon ♪
1312
01:24:51,503 --> 01:24:54,097
♪ The crack of doom is coming soon ♪
1313
01:24:54,256 --> 01:24:56,759
♪ The crack of doom is coming soon ♪
1314
01:24:56,925 --> 01:24:59,474
♪ The crack of doom is coming soon ♪
1315
01:24:59,636 --> 01:25:02,014
♪ The crack of doom is coming soon ♪
1316
01:25:02,180 --> 01:25:05,730
♪ The crack of doom ♪
1316
01:25:06,305 --> 01:25:12,240
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