1
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Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM

2
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<i>♪ I head east towards the city ♪</i>

3
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<i>♪ And when the sun goes down ♪</i>

4
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<i>♪ I'm heading home again ♪</i>

5
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<i>♪ The city lights
have left me empty ♪</i>

6
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<i>♪ They've replaced the stars ♪</i>

7
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<i>♪ That used to shine so bright ♪</i>

8
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<i>♪ But I will smile ♪</i>

9
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<i>♪ And I'll keep you close ♪</i>

10
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<i>♪ And when the sun breaks ♪</i>

11
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<i>♪ In the morning... ♪</i>

12
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It's a fanfare.

13
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It's great... arrival music.

14
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It's "Fanfare for a Son"...
a classic.

15
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Dad, I caved on the shirt.
I'm not wearing the tie.

16
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A young man in a tie
makes a statement.

17
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What, that my father
dresses me in the morning?

18
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Nobody wears ties to these things.

19
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What?

20
00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:53,019
Without the tie,
we're having the sex talk.

21
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:56,816
Oh, my God.

22
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:04,624
I need a six-letter word for llama.

23
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- Llama?
- Yeah.

24
00:02:06,393 --> 00:02:08,461
Vicuña.

25
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,630
How could you possibly know that?

26
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:11,797
Give me another one.

27
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Okay, um, feckless.

28
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What's another word for feckless?

29
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- Feckless?
- Yeah.

30
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Honey, feckless is the other word.

31
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Come on, it's nine letters.

32
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<i>♪ It's getting cold
out on that big lake ♪</i>

33
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<i>♪ And the water's painted blue ♪</i>

34
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<i>♪ Don't let the skyline
fool you, baby... ♪</i>

35
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- Mom.
- Yeah?

36
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- You just missed the turn.
- No, I didn't.

37
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You looked right at the sign that said
"Middleton Campus Not This Way."

38
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I don't know what
you're talking about.

39
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What is wrong with you?
You're gonna make me late.

40
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It's pointless!

41
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What's pointless?

42
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The goddamn nine-letter
word for feckless.

43
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Pointless.

44
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Right?

45
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,900
Look, Con rad,
I know that Middleton

46
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:24,537
is not at the top of your list,
but just give it a chance.

47
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,806
Sometimes a place can surprise you.

48
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:29,886
I'm surprised no
one's wearing a tie.

49
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,818
Can't you just park head in, like most
every other driver on the planet?

50
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,587
I've told you before,
you have much better visibility

51
00:03:41,588 --> 00:03:43,322
when you're exiting
a parking space...

52
00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:45,525
Dad, you just got parked.

53
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:55,034
Hi. Excuse me.

54
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Excuse me.

55
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Excuse me. Hi. Good morning.

56
00:03:58,772 --> 00:03:59,939
- Hi.
- Good morning.

57
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,708
Uh, you took my spot.

58
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:04,076
I thought you were
pulling into that one.

59
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,278
No, I was gonna back...
you know, I was going to go like...

60
00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:08,514
and then come in and back
into this one like that.

61
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:10,950
Ah, you're one of those.

62
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:13,018
- What does that mean?
- Look, it's a parking lot.

63
00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:15,495
There's a space. Celebrate.

64
00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:21,427
Celebrate?

65
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:24,730
Of course a guy who wears a bow tie
would back into a parking space.

66
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:27,867
Morn, just let it go.

67
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:29,570
Celebrate.

68
00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:32,917
I bet you he irons his underwear.

69
00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:37,076
I bet you he waits 30 minutes
after eating before swimming.

70
00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:38,744
You know fuming is feckless, right?

71
00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:42,047
Yeah, and I bet you he made
his boy wear that tie.

72
00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:43,415
Oh, my God, let's go!

73
00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:45,751
Of course she drives an
X5 with 40-inch wheels

74
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because we all know how treacherous
these paved roads can be.

75
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,724
She had Colorado plates.

76
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:54,493
Yeah, well, God save the grizzlies.

77
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All right, hey, everybody.

78
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- Gather round.
- Here we go.

79
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:01,167
Hope everybody had a good
drive in, 10:00 tour.

80
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,903
Okay, welcome to Meet Middleton!

81
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:06,138
First, let's meet Justin. Hi.

82
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,175
That's me. I'm Justin.
Great to meet you guys.

83
00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:11,076
- Hi, Justin.
- I'll be taking you around today.

84
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:13,779
Let's just pass
these bad boys out...

85
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:16,282
a little brochure, a map of the campus,
know where we're going.

86
00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:17,750
- Thank you.
- Okay, cool.

87
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:20,686
A couple things about me...
I'm a junior at the college

88
00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:23,589
and a double major in
music and horticulture...

89
00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:26,358
unfortunately known
as a dingleberry.

90
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,830
Thank you.

91
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,098
Um, we're gonna take
a two-hour tour,

92
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after which we'll break for lunch.

93
00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:39,104
And then we're gonna have
a pretty exciting thing.

94
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You're gonna meet
the faculty member

95
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,108
from the department of your choice.

96
00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:45,845
And by the time the
afternoon bell sounds...

97
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:52,551
you'll have fallen in love.

98
00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:53,953
I guarantee it.

99
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:56,689
Well, all right, so let's get
this little tour bus on the road,

100
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:57,857
you rock stars.

101
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,992
Come on! Let's get going.

102
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:02,695
- They have a planetarium.
- It's an observatory.

103
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,663
- It's an observatory, chief.
- A fun fact about the walkway

104
00:06:04,664 --> 00:06:06,565
we're currently on...

105
00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:09,368
it was built by a thousand
children in 1842.

106
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,804
What a waste of a
perfectly beautiful tie.

107
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- Tell me about it.
- I'm just kidding. Just 100...

108
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Lovely day. Let's go over here.

109
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Come on in. Come on in.
Don't be shy.

110
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It's just me.

111
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Now, the college,
which is situated on

112
00:06:23,149 --> 00:06:26,485
just over 100 breathtaking acres,

113
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was founded in 1887 by
Lowndes Pope Middleton,

114
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who as a young man made a
fortune in whale blubber

115
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before finding his true calling

116
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in education and philanthropy.

117
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Now, his bronze likeness once
stood upon this pedestal,

118
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:47,840
but fell prey to some
bandits in the late 1960s.

119
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,675
Why didn't they replace him?

120
00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:52,845
Well, you know, these
boots have sort of become

121
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:56,048
a living metaphor for the
mission of Middleton.

122
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:58,083
Have you had any deaths on campus?

123
00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,085
You'd be surprised. There
are a lot of deaths.

124
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,687
I'm just kidding. There's... no.

125
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,756
Very, very safe here.

126
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,258
We have a security team of students.
They're volunteers.

127
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,595
They're constantly patrolling.
We give them small nightsticks.

128
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,897
And they make sure everybody
sort of stays in order.

129
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:13,432
It's a good system.

130
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,435
I see the toe of the
boot is fairly worn out.

131
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,537
Is that a tradition...
to rub the toes there?

132
00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:20,973
It is. It is. Thank
you for bringing that up.

133
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:25,244
Before an important day
or test or something,

134
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:27,246
you're supposed to kiss the boot.

135
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,281
- Any rapes?
- Oh, my God.

136
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:32,384
A lot of rapes. But that's
typical at college, you know.

137
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:35,421
That's what you're getting into.

138
00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:38,424
Yeah. So it's a
fantastic tradition.

139
00:07:38,425 --> 00:07:41,293
- I need a coffee.
- You had two cups in the car.

140
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,395
- Do you want one? Can I get you one?
- No.

141
00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:45,597
Cool. Any more questions?
Love questions.

142
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:47,766
They're not even gonna
notice I'm gone, okay?

143
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:49,768
- Excuse me.
- Our next stop on the tour

144
00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:51,837
is gonna be the Pope Library.

145
00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:55,074
Now this thing is brand-spanking-new,
so you're gonna be pretty impressed.

146
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:57,142
Okay? Just remember,
don't smudge the glass.

147
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,244
It's the hospital.
I'll see you in the library.

148
00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:01,413
- All right.
- And wipe those boots before entering.

149
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:03,248
Come on, you rascals.

150
00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:04,616
We're having fun.
We're having fun.

151
00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:06,251
Say it.

152
00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:08,921
Hello. Yes. Dr. Hartman.

153
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:10,089
Yes. Hello?

154
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:12,736
Yes, Dr. Ha... hello? Hello?

155
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,761
Unbelievable.

156
00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:18,135
One of those, please.

157
00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:21,339
Make it two.

158
00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:27,918
I hear they keep the doctor away.

159
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,879
I talked... doctor...

160
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:37,391
but... when... George, are you...

161
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:41,286
The connection... George?

162
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:43,989
George? Hey.

163
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,724
George, are you the...?

164
00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:48,394
Can't hear... you there?

165
00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:51,463
George, I'm dying. Help me.

166
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:52,631
Larry, are you there? Larry.

167
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:54,800
- George, you still there?
- Yeah, I got you.

168
00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:55,968
- George?
- Listen, Larry,

169
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,469
there's nothing to
worry about, okay?

170
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,038
You're in good hands.
I need you to relax.

171
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:02,686
Call me anytime, all right?
Larry? Larry?

172
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:09,581
These things are so feckless,
don't you think?

173
00:09:09,582 --> 00:09:11,383
Excuse me?

174
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,029
These tours.

175
00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:18,023
- Feckless?
- Mm-hmm.

176
00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:20,526
Let me guess... you're a
high school English teacher.

177
00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:23,062
Wrong. How about you?

178
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,641
Wait, let me guess. Let me guess.

179
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:29,369
Are you a Brooks Brothers model?

180
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:33,505
I'm a cardiac surgeon.
I was speaking with a patient.

181
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:36,209
Mm, so you can fix a heart
over the phone?

182
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,380
Depends on the data plan.

183
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,087
Well, is he gonna make it?

184
00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:49,555
I'm not sure.

185
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,624
Oh.

186
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:54,393
George Hartman.

187
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:55,928
Oh.

188
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,563
What?

189
00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,531
Heart man?

190
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:02,201
Oh, yes. Well, what can I say?
I like things neat.

191
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,236
I'm Edith Martin.

192
00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:05,771
Edith? Oh.

193
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:09,274
Oh, I know, I know, but
it's gonna make a comeback.

194
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,709
Just wait and see.

195
00:10:10,710 --> 00:10:12,044
Excuse me.

196
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:16,381
Do you know where
the Pope Library is?

197
00:10:16,382 --> 00:10:18,484
Yeah.

198
00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:22,258
It's the building next to the
building behind that building.

199
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,990
So next to the thing?

200
00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:26,761
Exactly.

201
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,703
43 grand a year and that's
the best they can do?

202
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:39,276
You made your boy put on
that tie, didn't you?

203
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:41,640
You mean the waste of a tie.

204
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,076
Well, it's obvious he
doesn't want to wear it.

205
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,484
I was just trying
to be encouraging.

206
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,582
Well, your girl seemed
very determined.

207
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:53,318
Audrey. Yeah, I named her
after Audrey Hepburn,

208
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:56,255
but it was a serious miscalculation.
I should have named her Benito.

209
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:58,257
- A smartphone fascist?
- Right?

210
00:10:58,258 --> 00:10:59,625
Oh, my God.

211
00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:01,426
If Audrey had to give
up either her phone

212
00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:04,198
or a kidney, she'd be on
dialysis, I'm sure of it.

213
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:07,866
So is Middleton your first stop?

214
00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:11,303
No, it's our only stop.

215
00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:14,713
Yeah, I couldn't get her
to look anyplace else.

216
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:18,516
My husband was supposed
to chaperone, but...

217
00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:21,985
he couldn't get off of work.

218
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:26,318
I told my wife that...

219
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,854
I wouldn't miss this for the world.

220
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:31,356
I think it's a little
slice of heaven.

221
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,125
Middleton?

222
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:35,067
Yes, Middleton.

223
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:39,568
Eh, a little small for my taste.

224
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,367
We all like books
here a lot at Middleton.

225
00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:43,902
We're big fans of books.

226
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:46,071
Our library, the Pope Library,

227
00:11:46,072 --> 00:11:50,809
has on hand over 200,000
volumes of books

228
00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:53,745
as well as a huge
collection of rare books.

229
00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:56,748
It's not small.
It's intimate is what it is.

230
00:11:56,749 --> 00:12:00,385
God, these things are like
a dog and pony show.

231
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:02,888
They give your child
no idea whatsoever

232
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:05,224
what it would be like
to actually go here.

233
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,992
It's just a day.

234
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:09,194
Books are like the magazines
of the gods. Am I right?

235
00:12:09,195 --> 00:12:11,875
Sometimes a day can be an eternity.

236
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,733
Particularly if you're
in the company of a man

237
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:19,004
who backs into a parking space.
It's a good place to come and study.

238
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:22,574
There's actually a floor upstairs
that you're required to be quiet.

239
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,410
These tours are like a first date.

240
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:29,081
She's smart. She's pretty.
She smells good.

241
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,283
Maybe you'll try to stick
your hand up her shirt.

242
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:32,517
Shh!

243
00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:35,020
My favorite is
"Cat Fancy" and "Dog Fancy,"

244
00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:37,522
"House and Garden,"
"Botanist's Weekly,"

245
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:40,425
"Architectural Digest"...
a whole array of stuff.

246
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,261
A lot of good magazines here.

247
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,563
I'm just always trying to keep up.

248
00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:47,132
Now, this is pretty exciting...

249
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:49,568
currently we have on loan
from the British Library

250
00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:53,639
a manuscript from renowned poet
and author Charles Dodgson.

251
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,109
Now, Dodgson didn't write
under his real name.

252
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,144
Lewis Carroll.

253
00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:01,213
Very good. Very nice.

254
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:04,216
Um, Carroll's masterwork

255
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:06,451
"Alice's Adventures
in Wonderland"...

256
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:10,055
that's gonna be here till the end
of the month, so we're very excited.

257
00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:11,990
Excuse me.

258
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:13,992
I find it extraordinary

259
00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:16,461
that Lewis Carroll's
masterwork would be available

260
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:18,797
to such a small college.

261
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,999
I think it's incredible. I do.

262
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,835
But, you know, a lot of really
cool stuff happens here.

263
00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:26,505
Um, this past weekend

264
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:29,808
Snatches of Pink played a
free concert on the quad.

265
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,844
- Justin.
- Hmm?

266
00:13:32,845 --> 00:13:35,147
On a scale of one to 10,

267
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:38,750
could you rate the effect
on your life respectively

268
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:41,286
of the visiting manuscript

269
00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:44,923
versus the Snatches
of Pink concert?

270
00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:46,825
The Snatches were tight.

271
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:50,295
The Snatches were tight, George.

272
00:13:50,296 --> 00:13:52,597
- So let's...
- Tight.

273
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:54,700
Hey, let's float on over
to this residence hall.

274
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:57,302
- Ooh, speaking of floating...
- I know what that means.

275
00:13:57,303 --> 00:14:01,606
Just up the stairs and, ironically,
it's just past the Ps.

276
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,644
All righty, so come on.

277
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:08,380
This dorm we're gonna go see...
it's actually named after

278
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:11,516
the fourth of Middleton's
seven illegitimate children.

279
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:14,019
- Osborne.
- You're killing it.

280
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,054
You're on fire.

281
00:14:16,055 --> 00:14:18,523
- She's the one to beat, you guys.
Uh-oh.

282
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,826
Seven children
from seven women...

283
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:22,661
hey, Middleton was no Moby Dick.

284
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,463
- Hey.
- Hey.

285
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:26,865
- I am on fire right now.
- This woman's driving me crazy...

286
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,000
completely loony.

287
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:30,736
You look very handsome.

288
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:33,038
A little pinch in there
and we'll be all set.

289
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:35,006
What do you think of it so far?

290
00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:37,342
- Of what?
- Middleton.

291
00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:39,352
It's small.

292
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:42,347
It's not small. It's intimate.

293
00:14:42,348 --> 00:14:43,815
Why are you cramming this
place down my throat?

294
00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:44,983
Who's cramming?

295
00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:46,985
Can't you just let me
figure it out myself?

296
00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:50,255
How are you gonna figure it out
with this kind of feckless approach?

297
00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:51,823
- Feckless?
- Feckless.

298
00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:54,192
That would be "not tight" to you.

299
00:14:54,193 --> 00:14:57,203
Dad, please don't say "tight."

300
00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:00,232
Where are you going?

301
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,435
I'm going to figure it out myself.

302
00:15:57,056 --> 00:16:00,091
I think he's rounding second.

303
00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:02,561
Hey. How are you?

304
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,496
You think they're freshmen?

305
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:06,370
Yeah.

306
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,981
Carry on. Carry on.

307
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:18,276
You know, it's not polite to stare.

308
00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:20,912
- I'm not staring.
- Oh, you were a statue.

309
00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:24,219
- How long were you there?
- Just long enough to catch you staring.

310
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,686
- What are you doing up here?
- Going to the bathroom.

311
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:30,188
Is that your story? Because my
money's on you followed me.

312
00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:32,757
- I did no such thing.
- Of course you did.

313
00:16:32,758 --> 00:16:35,494
Yeah, I could easily say that you
came up here so I would follow you.

314
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:38,997
You could. And you'd be wrong.

315
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,766
Excuse me. Hey. I'm trying
to write a paper here.

316
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:43,268
You know, this is a library.

317
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:45,136
I'm sorry. We're being rude.

318
00:16:45,137 --> 00:16:47,272
What paper are you working on?

319
00:16:47,273 --> 00:16:50,842
- You wouldn't be interested.
- Give it a shot. I might surprise you.

320
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:54,312
What have you got there?
Hemingway? Steinbeck?

321
00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:57,482
That's cute.
"Images of Sexual Alienation

322
00:16:57,483 --> 00:16:59,451
As They Relate to the Monkey Garden

323
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,654
in 'The House on Mango Street."

324
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:05,357
I got nothing for you. Good luck.

325
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,392
What, you guys get
separated from the tour?

326
00:17:07,393 --> 00:17:08,827
Yeah.

327
00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:12,130
- Dingle-berry?
- Yeah.

328
00:17:12,131 --> 00:17:14,333
You're better off on your own.

329
00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:23,842
Thank you.

330
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:26,077
Okay, I did follow you.

331
00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:28,079
Ha! Why?

332
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,048
- I wanted to apologize.
- For what?

333
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,150
- For being that guy.
- Oh.

334
00:17:32,151 --> 00:17:35,186
Oh, pshh.
You're not really that guy.

335
00:17:35,187 --> 00:17:37,522
I mean, your son thinks
you're that guy.

336
00:17:37,523 --> 00:17:39,591
But trust me, you're
definitely not that guy.

337
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:42,360
Monkey Garden back there
will grow up to be that guy.

338
00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:44,663
Anyway, apology accepted.

339
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:46,866
Thank you.

340
00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:53,281
Where do you suppose they are?

341
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,841
Well...

342
00:17:56,842 --> 00:17:59,784
uh, library.

343
00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:04,015
According to the schedule,
Osborne Hall.

344
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,183
Yeah?

345
00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:08,086
- Is Osborne Hall...
- Is where?

346
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,288
around here?

347
00:18:10,289 --> 00:18:14,693
Oh, it's in the building next to
the building behind that building.

348
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:18,229
Osborne Hall, which
is where I'm going.

349
00:18:18,230 --> 00:18:20,365
Okay, let me guess...

350
00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:22,307
you sell...

351
00:18:23,135 --> 00:18:24,837
antiques.

352
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,472
Hmm.

353
00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:30,041
- Gardening equipment.
- Mm.

354
00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:32,377
Antique gardening equipment.

355
00:18:32,378 --> 00:18:34,879
- Children's furniture.
- Really?

356
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,881
High-end children's furniture.

357
00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:39,584
And what constitutes high-end
children's furniture?

358
00:18:39,585 --> 00:18:41,786
It being in my store.

359
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,488
How about you?

360
00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:46,257
So you fix broken hearts.
Do you have any other children?

361
00:18:46,258 --> 00:18:47,926
No. You?

362
00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:50,128
No, Audrey's all we can handle.

363
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,464
I thought they would be here.

364
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:55,111
Yeah.

365
00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:58,003
Hello?

366
00:18:58,004 --> 00:19:00,405
- Up in this building...
- Hi. Where are you?

367
00:19:00,406 --> 00:19:02,607
Where are you? I thought you said
we were gonna do this together.

368
00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:05,176
Well, yeah, that's what I thought,
until it became obvious

369
00:19:05,177 --> 00:19:07,746
I've become some endless well
of embarrassment for you.

370
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,581
You know how important
this day is to me.

371
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:10,949
Why are you doing this?

372
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:12,617
I don't know. I don't know
what you're talking about.

373
00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:15,453
"How many people have been
killed at Middleton?"

374
00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:16,788
Oh, come on.

375
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:19,424
You're indicting me for
being a caring parent?

376
00:19:19,425 --> 00:19:21,826
No, I'm indicting the succubus
that body-snatched your soul

377
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:23,631
and is walking around
in your clothes today.

378
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,331
She just called me a succubus.

379
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:28,433
- Succubus?
- Listen to me, Audrey.

380
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:30,769
- Okay...
- No, Mom, you listen.

381
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,971
This is the beginning of
my Middleton experience.

382
00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:35,440
And I'm not gonna let you ruin it.

383
00:19:35,441 --> 00:19:37,809
I'm going here. I'm gonna
study with Emerson.

384
00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:41,012
And you know what else?
I'm gonna finish.

385
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,313
Okay, what does that mean?

386
00:19:42,314 --> 00:19:45,950
It means that I won't have to settle for
selling furniture the rest of my life.

387
00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:55,193
Ooh!

388
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,374
I can't. I can't. No.

389
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,866
Oh, God.

390
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:04,803
Okay, you know what?

391
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:07,972
I'd say that you're behaving like

392
00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:12,043
a five-letter word that
means "female dog."

393
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,190
Okay.

394
00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,816
So, listen, when I was
in the library,

395
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,918
I happened to run into
the dean of students

396
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:21,820
who just volunteered
to give George and me

397
00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:24,522
- a personal tour of the campus.
- What?

398
00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:27,225
- Dean Pruitt?
- Yeah, in the flesh.

399
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:31,930
But what we're seeing isn't
on the regular tour, no.

400
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:35,900
You get to meet Middleton.
We get to feel her up.

401
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:38,336
- Really?
- Really.

402
00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:41,673
So take your personal space.

403
00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:44,175
Enjoy the cookie-cutter
tour with the Dingleberry.

404
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:47,755
And, you know, call me
when you need a ride home.

405
00:20:50,015 --> 00:20:52,717
- That was very impressive.
- What?

406
00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:55,253
The way you so convincingly
lied to your daughter.

407
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,661
Yeah? I'm not even warmed up.

408
00:20:59,024 --> 00:21:01,025
Okay, guys, I can't help it.

409
00:21:01,026 --> 00:21:03,128
At this point,
I've just got to tell you

410
00:21:03,129 --> 00:21:06,105
some really great things
about Middleton...

411
00:21:07,299 --> 00:21:09,300
- Hi.
- Oh, hey. What's going on?

412
00:21:09,301 --> 00:21:12,470
- Audrey Martin.
- Hi. Conrad Hartman.

413
00:21:12,471 --> 00:21:14,639
Parking lot earlier.

414
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:16,875
- Yeah, I remember.
- Yeah. Yeah.

415
00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:19,410
- Nice to meet you.
- You as well.

416
00:21:19,411 --> 00:21:21,379
So where is your mom?

417
00:21:21,380 --> 00:21:23,882
Um, who cares?

418
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,049
What do you mean?

419
00:21:25,050 --> 00:21:27,919
She seems pretty cool, for a mom.

420
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,622
Why didn't your morn make the trip?

421
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:33,158
You know, this is Dad's thing.

422
00:21:33,159 --> 00:21:35,260
And Dad's thing's
really Mom's thing.

423
00:21:35,261 --> 00:21:38,496
I guess he wanted it to be some
kind of bonding experience,

424
00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:41,065
but I'm totally not feeling it.

425
00:21:41,066 --> 00:21:44,770
It just seems all so feckless.

426
00:21:45,571 --> 00:21:47,305
You said "feckless."

427
00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:49,774
Yeah, feckless.

428
00:21:49,775 --> 00:21:51,545
Yeah.

429
00:21:53,579 --> 00:21:56,948
You know, maybe
Monkey Garden is right.

430
00:21:56,949 --> 00:22:00,018
Maybe we'd do better on our own.

431
00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:02,086
Are you advocating tour hooky?

432
00:22:02,087 --> 00:22:05,123
- Yep.
- What do I tell Conrad?

433
00:22:05,124 --> 00:22:09,127
Oh, you know, I don't know.
Just give him some space.

434
00:22:09,128 --> 00:22:12,297
You know? Let him loosen his tie.

435
00:22:12,298 --> 00:22:14,132
But this visit was my idea.

436
00:22:14,133 --> 00:22:17,973
He's gonna think I flaked out on him.
He doesn't even have lunch money.

437
00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:27,378
I don't think so.

438
00:22:27,379 --> 00:22:30,515
You know, they're probably in class.
Look, we'll bring them right back.

439
00:22:30,516 --> 00:22:32,884
- No.
- This is fate.

440
00:22:32,885 --> 00:22:35,588
This is theft, Edith.

441
00:22:36,388 --> 00:22:38,431
When was the last time
you rode a bike, George?

442
00:22:40,459 --> 00:22:42,293
Yeah, my point exactly.

443
00:22:42,294 --> 00:22:43,795
Now get on.

444
00:22:43,796 --> 00:22:45,230
According to the Dingleberry,

445
00:22:45,231 --> 00:22:48,499
we have a little over 100
breathtaking acres at our disposal.

446
00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:50,134
You know? We need the speed.

447
00:22:50,135 --> 00:22:52,042
Come on. We'll bring
'em right back.

448
00:22:53,806 --> 00:22:55,907
Come on, Hartman!

449
00:22:55,908 --> 00:22:58,309
Get the stick out of your ass!

450
00:22:58,310 --> 00:23:00,456
Hey.

451
00:23:01,313 --> 00:23:03,288
All right.

452
00:23:12,992 --> 00:23:15,393
- 12.
- What?

453
00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:17,870
Last time I rode a bike, I was 12.

454
00:23:31,844 --> 00:23:33,611
Are you sure you're okay, George?

455
00:23:33,612 --> 00:23:36,656
You strike me as a
helmet-wearing kind of guy.

456
00:23:38,183 --> 00:23:41,387
Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

457
00:23:43,856 --> 00:23:46,263
I think I lost a testicle.

458
00:24:23,562 --> 00:24:25,537
Oh.

459
00:24:47,286 --> 00:24:49,397
Wow!

460
00:24:53,859 --> 00:24:55,970
Oh...

461
00:24:56,962 --> 00:25:00,031
You okay?

462
00:25:00,032 --> 00:25:02,337
Yeah. Just give me a second.

463
00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:04,936
Unbelievable.

464
00:25:04,937 --> 00:25:07,271
Look, you can see
the entire campus.

465
00:25:07,272 --> 00:25:09,440
- You can see the town.
- Yeah. Yeah.

466
00:25:09,441 --> 00:25:11,809
You can see the one
car parked backwards.

467
00:25:11,810 --> 00:25:14,718
Yeah. Yeah.

468
00:25:16,448 --> 00:25:19,117
- Get over here.
- Yeah. Yeah.

469
00:25:19,118 --> 00:25:23,164
Yeah.

470
00:25:25,224 --> 00:25:27,525
Did you read up ever
on this bell tower?

471
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,127
Hmm? No.

472
00:25:29,128 --> 00:25:31,295
Yeah, there's a legend
of the bell tower.

473
00:25:31,296 --> 00:25:35,833
I saw it here in the...
oh, here it is.

474
00:25:35,834 --> 00:25:38,136
Edith, Edith, don't do that.

475
00:25:38,137 --> 00:25:39,680
Don't lean over like that.

476
00:25:40,672 --> 00:25:43,641
Says here the tower
was completed in 1917,

477
00:25:43,642 --> 00:25:46,911
the year that the United States
entered the First World War.

478
00:25:46,912 --> 00:25:49,180
More than 150 Middleton students

479
00:25:49,181 --> 00:25:51,716
- enlisted for military service.
- Hmm.

480
00:25:51,717 --> 00:25:55,153
And there was a young
woman by the name of...

481
00:25:55,154 --> 00:25:57,889
a freshman, name of
Matilda Reynolds,

482
00:25:57,890 --> 00:26:01,225
whose boyfriend,
Seymour Sternshine,

483
00:26:01,226 --> 00:26:03,995
was among the newly
minted doughboys.

484
00:26:03,996 --> 00:26:07,598
Upon his departure, she ascended
the steps of this very tower

485
00:26:07,599 --> 00:26:11,002
and stood in the east window,

486
00:26:11,003 --> 00:26:14,505
facing Europe, of course, yeah,

487
00:26:14,506 --> 00:26:17,842
where she silently pledged
her eternal love to him,

488
00:26:17,843 --> 00:26:20,344
vowing that she would
rise into the tower

489
00:26:20,345 --> 00:26:24,382
at the same time each day until
he returned safely from the war.

490
00:26:24,383 --> 00:26:27,018
- Aww.
- Young love.

491
00:26:27,019 --> 00:26:28,960
And what happened?

492
00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:32,690
What happened?

493
00:26:32,691 --> 00:26:35,235
It says... oh.

494
00:26:36,061 --> 00:26:38,070
Seymour was killed.

495
00:26:39,698 --> 00:26:42,033
Yeah, he was killed by...

496
00:26:42,034 --> 00:26:44,802
by a stampede of rogue
swine in the Loire Valley

497
00:26:44,803 --> 00:26:48,773
that also claimed the lives
of almost all of his platoon

498
00:26:48,774 --> 00:26:53,544
except for his young
brother, Ernest Sternshine,

499
00:26:53,545 --> 00:26:56,914
who was the bugle man
who lived to tell the story.

500
00:26:56,915 --> 00:27:00,251
Apparently the high C notes

501
00:27:00,252 --> 00:27:02,787
drove off the rogue swine...

502
00:27:02,788 --> 00:27:06,324
the very sensitive ears
that their swine have.

503
00:27:07,893 --> 00:27:10,228
Seymour Sternshine.

504
00:27:10,229 --> 00:27:14,343
All right, so I have a little trouble
playing poker in a brightly lit room.

505
00:27:15,567 --> 00:27:17,468
Come over here.

506
00:27:17,469 --> 00:27:19,303
Come over here.
You can't miss this.

507
00:27:19,304 --> 00:27:20,938
No, I'm good.
There's a nice breeze here.

508
00:27:20,939 --> 00:27:22,106
Huh?

509
00:27:22,107 --> 00:27:24,116
- A nice breeze here.
- Come here.

510
00:27:32,017 --> 00:27:33,684
- No.
- Yes.

511
00:27:33,685 --> 00:27:35,419
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

512
00:27:35,420 --> 00:27:38,523
- You're afraid of heights?
- "Afraid" is a strong word.

513
00:27:38,524 --> 00:27:41,526
Let's just say I try to
organize my life in such a way

514
00:27:41,527 --> 00:27:44,095
where heights don't really
play into the equation.

515
00:27:44,096 --> 00:27:46,597
So you will open up
a person's chest

516
00:27:46,598 --> 00:27:48,432
with a very sharp knife,

517
00:27:48,433 --> 00:27:51,035
but you won't stand over
here by this railing?

518
00:27:51,036 --> 00:27:53,271
It's a little more
complicated than that,

519
00:27:53,272 --> 00:27:55,206
but pretty much, yeah.

520
00:27:55,207 --> 00:27:58,109
No. Come on.
I will... I'll help you.

521
00:27:58,110 --> 00:27:59,777
- No, listen...
- I'll help you.

522
00:27:59,778 --> 00:28:02,213
I will take care of you.
I promise. I'll take care of you.

523
00:28:02,214 --> 00:28:03,447
- Edith.
- Come on.

524
00:28:03,448 --> 00:28:05,049
- Edith, I can't go over there.
- You can.

525
00:28:05,050 --> 00:28:06,484
- No, I can't.
- I'll help you.

526
00:28:06,485 --> 00:28:07,785
- No, I can't go over there.
- Yes, you can.

527
00:28:07,786 --> 00:28:09,320
- Listen to me very carefully.
- I'll help you.

528
00:28:09,321 --> 00:28:10,988
- Edith. Edith.
- Come on. Come on, George.

529
00:28:10,989 --> 00:28:13,291
- I can't go over there.
- Yes, you can.

530
00:28:13,292 --> 00:28:15,096
Come on.

531
00:28:17,196 --> 00:28:19,239
Come on.

532
00:28:20,465 --> 00:28:22,633
You can't miss this.

533
00:28:22,634 --> 00:28:24,902
Okay, I saw a bird.

534
00:28:24,903 --> 00:28:26,844
I saw a bird.

535
00:28:28,807 --> 00:28:30,509
Edith.

536
00:28:49,228 --> 00:28:50,595
Ahh.

537
00:28:50,596 --> 00:28:52,496
Mm. Thank you.

538
00:28:52,497 --> 00:28:54,899
- Open your eyes.
- Oh.

539
00:28:54,900 --> 00:28:57,046
Open your eyes.

540
00:28:58,170 --> 00:28:59,503
Open your eyes.

541
00:28:59,504 --> 00:29:02,106
Oh, my God. Open your eyes.

542
00:29:02,107 --> 00:29:04,609
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

543
00:29:04,610 --> 00:29:06,877
Oh, my God.

544
00:29:06,878 --> 00:29:09,847
I am starting to get
Middleton as intimate.

545
00:29:11,083 --> 00:29:13,851
Oh! No. Really?

546
00:29:13,852 --> 00:29:18,689
So this is the church of Santos
Dominicus Ignatius Aloysius

547
00:29:18,690 --> 00:29:22,526
and my favorite thing about this
place is the reverberation.

548
00:29:22,527 --> 00:29:25,096
Sometimes I just come
in here and I sing.

549
00:29:25,097 --> 00:29:27,131
<i>♪ Amen. ♪</i>

550
00:29:27,132 --> 00:29:28,532
You know?

551
00:29:28,533 --> 00:29:30,601
<i>♪ Jesus. ♪</i>
Stuff like that.

552
00:29:30,602 --> 00:29:34,872
So I'm not a religious person,
but I find it very powerful,

553
00:29:34,873 --> 00:29:36,974
so I come here on the tours.

554
00:29:36,975 --> 00:29:38,709
Just halfway through.

555
00:29:38,710 --> 00:29:41,379
We can just take a break
and, yeah, have a seat.

556
00:29:41,380 --> 00:29:45,783
If... if, you know,
you feel like prayer, pray.

557
00:29:45,784 --> 00:29:48,753
And if you feel just like
cooling off, taking a break,

558
00:29:48,754 --> 00:29:50,621
it's fine to do that.

559
00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:53,257
Just take a deep breath.

560
00:29:53,258 --> 00:29:58,100
<i>♪ Hallelujah. ♪</i>

561
00:30:04,670 --> 00:30:06,975
It's so small.

562
00:30:09,241 --> 00:30:11,842
Compared to what?

563
00:30:11,843 --> 00:30:14,546
On the virtual tour,
it seemed bigger.

564
00:30:18,784 --> 00:30:21,285
Well, there's always Princeton.

565
00:30:21,286 --> 00:30:24,155
And what does that mean?

566
00:30:24,156 --> 00:30:26,924
It just doesn't seem that you
like this place very much.

567
00:30:26,925 --> 00:30:28,993
Well, that's because
I love this place.

568
00:30:28,994 --> 00:30:30,798
Why?

569
00:30:32,331 --> 00:30:34,432
Roland Emerson.

570
00:30:34,433 --> 00:30:37,368
I hear he only works
with upperclassmen.

571
00:30:37,369 --> 00:30:39,139
What? That's bullshit.

572
00:30:39,971 --> 00:30:42,173
Sit back, please.

573
00:30:45,110 --> 00:30:47,945
He's one of the premier linguistic
scholars in the country.

574
00:30:47,946 --> 00:30:49,113
And?

575
00:30:49,114 --> 00:30:52,016
And linguistics is the perfect
foundation for any number of careers.

576
00:30:52,017 --> 00:30:55,164
- Like?
- Like law, business.

577
00:30:57,522 --> 00:30:59,990
So what are you gonna study?

578
00:30:59,991 --> 00:31:03,294
I'm just keeping my options open.

579
00:31:03,295 --> 00:31:04,795
Hmm.

580
00:31:04,796 --> 00:31:07,272
Yeah, yeah, that's a really
strong department.

581
00:31:12,637 --> 00:31:14,405
I'm just saying.

582
00:31:14,406 --> 00:31:15,973
Whew.

583
00:31:15,974 --> 00:31:17,508
How come this...

584
00:31:17,509 --> 00:31:19,810
they put a bench in
front of a tree?

585
00:31:19,811 --> 00:31:22,713
It blocks the view.

586
00:31:22,714 --> 00:31:24,982
- Well...
- What was here first?

587
00:31:24,983 --> 00:31:28,486
The tree was here first,
judging by the girth.

588
00:31:28,487 --> 00:31:31,889
- See that boy over there?
- Mm-hmm.

589
00:31:31,890 --> 00:31:34,525
Ronald.

590
00:31:34,526 --> 00:31:37,528
- He is from Battle Creek, Michigan.
- Mm-hmm.

591
00:31:37,529 --> 00:31:39,864
He will try,
but fail to discover the cure

592
00:31:39,865 --> 00:31:41,499
for restless leg syndrome.

593
00:31:48,774 --> 00:31:50,741
That one over there.

594
00:31:50,742 --> 00:31:54,178
Oh, that's either
Adonis or Samson, right?

595
00:31:54,179 --> 00:31:55,679
One of the two.

596
00:31:55,680 --> 00:32:00,518
He majors in geology and...
see how he's looking up?

597
00:32:00,519 --> 00:32:02,286
- Astronomy.
- Uh-huh.

598
00:32:02,287 --> 00:32:04,555
Which makes him, of course,
a rock star.

599
00:32:04,556 --> 00:32:06,758
Oh.

600
00:32:08,460 --> 00:32:10,435
Oh.

601
00:32:11,897 --> 00:32:15,237
And of course he'll forego
the sciences to write a...

602
00:32:17,269 --> 00:32:21,740
very successful novel entitled
"My Life As a Spirochete."

603
00:32:23,241 --> 00:32:25,443
You know what that is?

604
00:32:25,444 --> 00:32:27,545
Any relation to a parakeet?

605
00:32:27,546 --> 00:32:32,286
Well, it's a parakeet that spied
in the Spanish-American War.

606
00:32:35,220 --> 00:32:36,454
My turn.

607
00:32:36,455 --> 00:32:37,998
Give me one.

608
00:32:40,892 --> 00:32:43,260
The young girl there.

609
00:32:43,261 --> 00:32:46,730
Ah, that is Tessa.

610
00:32:46,731 --> 00:32:50,401
Tessa has just learned
from her parents

611
00:32:50,402 --> 00:32:54,238
that her Rhodesian Ridgeback
named Hedwig has croaked.

612
00:32:54,239 --> 00:32:56,407
He's...

613
00:32:56,408 --> 00:32:58,642
he's movedomorg.

614
00:32:58,643 --> 00:33:00,911
And she's just trying

615
00:33:00,912 --> 00:33:04,248
to consolidate her grief
into, like, 40 characters

616
00:33:04,249 --> 00:33:06,917
so that she could tweet
her sadness to the world.

617
00:33:06,918 --> 00:33:08,791
Yeah, and she will.

618
00:33:12,757 --> 00:33:14,903
How about that guy?

619
00:33:16,094 --> 00:33:17,828
- With the suit?
- Yep.

620
00:33:17,829 --> 00:33:20,097
- That's Georgie.
- Mm-hmm.

621
00:33:20,098 --> 00:33:22,299
Georgie is enormously bright,

622
00:33:22,300 --> 00:33:26,003
but is hampered by the
little brother complex.

623
00:33:26,004 --> 00:33:29,344
He always wants to
make his father proud.

624
00:33:31,109 --> 00:33:33,880
He will marry the first woman
he falls in love with.

625
00:33:34,813 --> 00:33:37,994
And he will go on to a long
and distinguished, but...

626
00:33:40,285 --> 00:33:43,989
somewhat unfulfilling
career as a surgeon.

627
00:33:45,790 --> 00:33:48,125
I detect a sadness in Georgie.

628
00:33:48,126 --> 00:33:51,239
No, it's not sadness.
He has enormous resolve.

629
00:33:52,564 --> 00:33:54,365
Can I tell you something
about Georgie?

630
00:33:54,366 --> 00:33:55,670
No.

631
00:33:56,835 --> 00:33:59,870
I think that...

632
00:33:59,871 --> 00:34:03,575
that he has no idea just
how special he truly is.

633
00:34:07,078 --> 00:34:10,953
But, you know, that's
probably the Dasani talking.

634
00:34:13,018 --> 00:34:15,198
Have some more Dasani.

635
00:34:17,389 --> 00:34:19,823
Come on. Come.

636
00:34:19,824 --> 00:34:22,402
- Get the bikes back?
- Yeah.

637
00:34:25,230 --> 00:34:27,432
Thank you.

638
00:34:35,373 --> 00:34:37,408
Hi. What's your major?

639
00:34:39,344 --> 00:34:41,546
Good-bye.

640
00:34:44,282 --> 00:34:46,350
Come on.

641
00:34:59,097 --> 00:35:01,174
Georgie.

642
00:35:03,201 --> 00:35:06,270
"The Appassionata."

643
00:35:06,271 --> 00:35:08,138
You play?

644
00:35:08,139 --> 00:35:10,341
I play at it. You?

645
00:35:11,142 --> 00:35:12,710
A prodigy.

646
00:35:12,711 --> 00:35:15,112
Prodigy?

647
00:35:15,113 --> 00:35:17,147
Remember, I've seen you lie.

648
00:35:17,148 --> 00:35:19,817
I'm gonna need some confirmation.

649
00:35:26,725 --> 00:35:28,927
Stay.

650
00:35:34,599 --> 00:35:36,472
Oh.

651
00:35:37,268 --> 00:35:38,970
After you.

652
00:35:40,972 --> 00:35:43,174
Age before beauty.

653
00:36:12,771 --> 00:36:14,712
Prodigy.

654
00:37:05,590 --> 00:37:07,191
Okay!

655
00:37:07,192 --> 00:37:10,494
I'm trying to learn the
Rachmaninoff's Second, okay?

656
00:37:10,495 --> 00:37:13,864
And "Chopsticks" playing
in the background...

657
00:37:13,865 --> 00:37:16,875
it makes it feel like
you are mocking me.

658
00:37:18,002 --> 00:37:20,204
Okay?

659
00:37:22,540 --> 00:37:23,941
Yeah.

660
00:37:23,942 --> 00:37:25,676
Whew. Yeah.

661
00:37:25,677 --> 00:37:27,678
Rachmaninoff is so hard.

662
00:37:27,679 --> 00:37:30,614
The guy must have had hands
the size of trash can lids.

663
00:37:30,615 --> 00:37:32,616
I know.

664
00:37:32,617 --> 00:37:35,185
If I stretch any
further, I feel like

665
00:37:35,186 --> 00:37:37,730
bones will poke out
of my fingertips.

666
00:37:53,905 --> 00:37:57,307
Yeah, these are Bach's hands.

667
00:37:57,308 --> 00:38:00,544
You know?
Stay away from the Russians.

668
00:38:00,545 --> 00:38:02,212
You know, enjoy them.
Admire their passion.

669
00:38:02,213 --> 00:38:05,326
But, like, don't get
obsessed with playing them.

670
00:38:08,253 --> 00:38:11,121
No one's ever said that to me.

671
00:38:11,122 --> 00:38:13,056
Thank you.

672
00:38:13,057 --> 00:38:14,925
You're a lucky man.

673
00:38:14,926 --> 00:38:16,460
Thank you.

674
00:38:18,163 --> 00:38:20,597
Edith. Edith. Edith.

675
00:38:20,598 --> 00:38:22,666
Okay, let's go. Let go. Okay, boy.

676
00:38:22,667 --> 00:38:24,301
Okay, time to practice. Let's go.

677
00:38:24,302 --> 00:38:25,469
Okay, let go. Let go.

678
00:38:25,470 --> 00:38:26,637
- Thank you.
- Good luck.

679
00:38:26,638 --> 00:38:28,172
- Come on. Come on.
- This way.

680
00:38:28,173 --> 00:38:29,907
Campus police is outside
looking for the bicycles.

681
00:38:29,908 --> 00:38:31,074
- Let's go.
- But we borrowed them.

682
00:38:31,075 --> 00:38:32,609
No, no, no, I'd rather not
have that discussion.

683
00:38:32,610 --> 00:38:34,050
Come on.

684
00:38:35,914 --> 00:38:38,415
- Wasn't that nice?
- Oh, nice, very good. Nice kid.

685
00:38:38,416 --> 00:38:41,084
- Oh. Come on.
- No, George, I mean the duet.

686
00:38:41,085 --> 00:38:43,120
- What?
- It feels good to have a partner.

687
00:38:43,121 --> 00:38:46,323
- I think we should walk faster, Edith.
- Are you happy, George?

688
00:38:46,324 --> 00:38:50,093
Happy? I'd be a lot happier if
we don't end up in the pokey.

689
00:38:50,094 --> 00:38:51,796
Pokey?

690
00:38:56,167 --> 00:38:58,001
Oh! Oh!

691
00:38:58,002 --> 00:39:00,182
Come. Come here, come here.

692
00:39:05,610 --> 00:39:08,979
- Come on, George, this way.
- Edith, I can't go up. Edith.

693
00:39:08,980 --> 00:39:11,490
- Come on. Yes, you can.
- Come on.

694
00:39:13,184 --> 00:39:16,490
- Negative. No sign of them.
- Don't look down. Look up.

695
00:39:45,216 --> 00:39:47,718
Now don't get chilly.

696
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:49,820
Gotta get up and warm up.

697
00:39:49,821 --> 00:39:53,590
Good. Let's go, the last time.
Big-time. Go.

698
00:39:55,660 --> 00:39:58,495
Very good. Puh-puh-puh,
buh-buh-buh, muh-muh-muh.

699
00:39:58,496 --> 00:40:00,731
Puh-puh-puh,
buh-buh-buh, muh-muh-muh.

700
00:40:00,732 --> 00:40:02,933
This way.

701
00:40:02,934 --> 00:40:04,835
Edith. Edith.

702
00:40:04,836 --> 00:40:07,104
Duh-duh-duh,
nuh-nuh-huh, tuh-tuh-tuh.

703
00:40:07,105 --> 00:40:09,239
Duh-duh-duh,
nuh-nuh-huh, tuh-tuh-tuh.

704
00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:11,008
Duh-duh-duh,
nuh-nuh-huh, tuh-tuh-tuh.

705
00:40:11,009 --> 00:40:13,210
Duh-duh-duh, nuh-nuh-huh,
tuh-tuh-tuh.

706
00:40:13,211 --> 00:40:16,513
- Duh-duh-duh, nuh-nuh-huh, tuh-tuh-tuh.
- Good. Br-r-r-r.

707
00:40:16,514 --> 00:40:19,683
Br-r-r-r.

708
00:40:19,684 --> 00:40:22,519
Again.

709
00:40:24,255 --> 00:40:26,757
All the way.

710
00:40:26,758 --> 00:40:29,293
Good. Puh-puh-puh,
buh-buh-buh, muh-m uh-m uh.

711
00:40:29,294 --> 00:40:31,395
Puh-puh-puh,
buh-buh-buh, muh-muh-muh.

712
00:40:31,396 --> 00:40:33,864
Puh-puh-puh,
buh-buh-buh, muh-m uh-m uh.

713
00:40:33,865 --> 00:40:35,866
Puh-puh-puh, buh-buh-buh,
muh-muh-muh.

714
00:40:35,867 --> 00:40:37,901
Duh-duh-duh,
nuh-nuh-huh, tuh-tuh-tuh.

715
00:40:37,902 --> 00:40:39,903
Duh-duh-duh, nuh-nuh-huh,
tuh-tuh-tuh.

716
00:40:39,904 --> 00:40:42,372
- Good. Take a deep breath.
- Ahh.

717
00:40:42,373 --> 00:40:44,808
Good. Let's go all the way down.

718
00:40:44,809 --> 00:40:47,611
Get up and take the deep breath.

719
00:40:47,612 --> 00:40:50,588
It helps you to relax.

720
00:40:51,449 --> 00:40:54,551
And exhale in one tone.

721
00:40:54,552 --> 00:40:56,720
Ahh.

722
00:40:56,721 --> 00:40:58,155
Beautiful.

723
00:40:58,156 --> 00:41:00,724
Let's stretch. All the way.

724
00:41:00,725 --> 00:41:03,060
And let me see you move

725
00:41:03,061 --> 00:41:04,962
with the sentence.

726
00:41:04,963 --> 00:41:07,609
Shh.

727
00:41:10,468 --> 00:41:12,836
Beautiful. Let's change the legs.

728
00:41:12,837 --> 00:41:15,138
Br-r-r-r. Shake it up.

729
00:41:15,139 --> 00:41:16,940
Br-r-r-r.

730
00:41:16,941 --> 00:41:20,310
Now let's have the
last intense sentence.

731
00:41:20,311 --> 00:41:23,151
Go.

732
00:41:27,018 --> 00:41:28,585
Beautiful.

733
00:41:28,586 --> 00:41:30,187
Let's get ready for the scene work.

734
00:41:30,188 --> 00:41:32,689
Hey.

735
00:41:32,690 --> 00:41:34,491
Can I help you?

736
00:41:39,097 --> 00:41:40,597
- Hi.
- Hi.

737
00:41:40,598 --> 00:41:42,532
- Hi.
- Hi.

738
00:41:42,533 --> 00:41:45,669
Hey, class. Wonderful class.

739
00:41:45,670 --> 00:41:47,704
We came in the wrong door.

740
00:41:47,705 --> 00:41:51,274
There are no wrong doors.
All the world's a stage.

741
00:41:51,275 --> 00:41:52,642
Not in my world.

742
00:41:52,643 --> 00:41:54,144
Who are you?

743
00:41:54,145 --> 00:41:56,213
- We' re...
- We're... we're... we're...

744
00:41:56,214 --> 00:41:58,181
- We're... we got lost...
- We got lost from the...

745
00:41:58,182 --> 00:42:00,817
- separated from the tour. Yeah.
- Yeah.

746
00:42:00,818 --> 00:42:02,986
Oh, Dingleberry.

747
00:42:02,987 --> 00:42:06,123
Hey, can we watch your class
for a bit? Do you mind?

748
00:42:06,124 --> 00:42:09,192
I'm sorry, but no one
audits my class.

749
00:42:09,193 --> 00:42:11,161
I require full participation.

750
00:42:12,997 --> 00:42:15,332
I'm gonna kill you, Edith.

751
00:42:15,333 --> 00:42:16,967
Sorry, some other time.

752
00:42:16,968 --> 00:42:18,969
- Thank you very much.
- We'll be right down.

753
00:42:18,970 --> 00:42:20,470
- Edith.
- George.

754
00:42:20,471 --> 00:42:22,039
- Let's go this way.
- No, come on.

755
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:23,707
- Edith. Edith.
- George, let's go.

756
00:42:23,708 --> 00:42:26,476
- Edith.
- George, now.

757
00:42:26,477 --> 00:42:28,712
All right, you guys, I don't
want to see any tears,

758
00:42:28,713 --> 00:42:32,649
but this concludes the
tour portion of the day.

759
00:42:32,650 --> 00:42:33,850
Aww.

760
00:42:33,851 --> 00:42:36,219
I know. I hope it's been
fun and informative.

761
00:42:36,220 --> 00:42:40,690
And this is the cafeteria
right here to our right.

762
00:42:40,691 --> 00:42:43,693
You know, go in there.
Don't have the chowder.

763
00:42:43,694 --> 00:42:45,896
It's pretty nasty.

764
00:42:45,897 --> 00:42:48,532
And I hope you guys can fill
out your evaluation forms.

765
00:42:48,533 --> 00:42:50,434
And enjoy the rest of your visit.

766
00:42:50,435 --> 00:42:53,070
- Oh, thanks.
- Thanks. Good job.

767
00:42:53,071 --> 00:42:55,439
Thank you.
Hope you give me all fives.

768
00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:57,642
- Thanks.
- All right.

769
00:42:58,843 --> 00:43:00,444
- Excuse me.
- Mm-hmm?

770
00:43:00,445 --> 00:43:02,412
I just have a few questions.

771
00:43:02,413 --> 00:43:04,548
I love questions. Shoot 'em.

772
00:43:04,549 --> 00:43:07,451
Is it true that Roland Emerson
won't work with underclassmen?

773
00:43:07,452 --> 00:43:09,519
I'm sorry, what is
a Roland Emerson?

774
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:11,388
He's a person.

775
00:43:11,389 --> 00:43:14,558
The premier linguistics
professor in the country.

776
00:43:14,559 --> 00:43:16,860
Roland Emerson. Roland Emerson.

777
00:43:16,861 --> 00:43:19,963
No, I'm just kidding. I know him.
He's a big hit here.

778
00:43:19,964 --> 00:43:22,940
Roland and I are like this.

779
00:43:25,036 --> 00:43:27,904
Okay, let me tell you exactly
how to peel the Emerson onion.

780
00:43:27,905 --> 00:43:29,448
So.

781
00:43:31,309 --> 00:43:33,610
How did you get out
of your shackles?

782
00:43:33,611 --> 00:43:36,379
Wait! What about the onion?

783
00:43:36,380 --> 00:43:38,215
Girlfriend stuff.

784
00:43:38,216 --> 00:43:41,090
I can't wait to fail
your evaluation.

785
00:43:43,054 --> 00:43:44,961
Dingleberry.

786
00:43:46,057 --> 00:43:47,891
So how was your day, honey?

787
00:43:47,892 --> 00:43:50,127
It was good. What's for dinner?

788
00:43:50,128 --> 00:43:52,062
I'm leaving you, Gerald.

789
00:43:52,063 --> 00:43:54,798
No, you're not. What's for dinner?

790
00:43:54,799 --> 00:43:57,634
There is no dinner. I'm leaving.

791
00:43:57,635 --> 00:43:59,836
And I won't be talked
out of it this time.

792
00:43:59,837 --> 00:44:02,005
No, you're not.
No, you're not leaving, come on.

793
00:44:02,006 --> 00:44:05,175
- I'm leaving.
- You're just leaving?

794
00:44:05,176 --> 00:44:07,077
- I'm just leaving.
- That's so silly.

795
00:44:07,078 --> 00:44:09,279
- What's silly about it?
- I'm sorry.

796
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:11,314
I thought these two were
supposed to be married.

797
00:44:11,315 --> 00:44:12,582
That's correct.

798
00:44:12,583 --> 00:44:15,519
No married couple in the history
of marriage talks like this.

799
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:17,791
Yeah, I can't say it was
working for me either.

800
00:44:20,925 --> 00:44:23,426
George, Edith,

801
00:44:23,427 --> 00:44:25,929
- take the stage.
- No.

802
00:44:25,930 --> 00:44:27,430
- Yeah.
- No.

803
00:44:27,431 --> 00:44:29,032
- Yeah.
- No, it was working fine.

804
00:44:29,033 --> 00:44:31,101
Make it real for us, please.

805
00:44:31,102 --> 00:44:32,372
No.

806
00:44:33,604 --> 00:44:35,539
No, Edith.

807
00:44:35,540 --> 00:44:37,607
- Come on.
- Edith.

808
00:44:37,608 --> 00:44:39,776
Please.

809
00:44:39,777 --> 00:44:43,680
I'm going to give each of
you separately an objective

810
00:44:43,681 --> 00:44:47,017
which you will attempt to achieve
through an improvised dialogue.

811
00:44:47,018 --> 00:44:50,062
Yeah. Let's go. Come on.

812
00:44:51,989 --> 00:44:53,857
Easy enough?

813
00:44:53,858 --> 00:44:55,892
Please have a seat.

814
00:44:55,893 --> 00:44:59,734
So, Edith, why don't
you try to get...

815
00:45:02,033 --> 00:45:04,034
And, George...

816
00:45:04,035 --> 00:45:06,636
to make Edith to go
to bed with you,

817
00:45:06,637 --> 00:45:08,805
into bed as soon as possible.

818
00:45:08,806 --> 00:45:11,975
No. No. Give me another objective.

819
00:45:11,976 --> 00:45:14,010
Save it, George.
You know the rules.

820
00:45:14,011 --> 00:45:16,146
Remember, just stay in the moment.

821
00:45:16,147 --> 00:45:18,181
Connect to your partner,
and it's all good.

822
00:45:18,182 --> 00:45:20,483
No, I understand. No, really,
I need another objective.

823
00:45:20,484 --> 00:45:22,852
- Give me another one.
- Come on, George.

824
00:45:22,853 --> 00:45:25,589
You are a successfully
married couple.

825
00:45:25,590 --> 00:45:28,058
You know each other
from the inside out.

826
00:45:28,059 --> 00:45:30,727
This should be a piece of cake.

827
00:45:30,728 --> 00:45:33,029
Please.

828
00:45:33,030 --> 00:45:35,865
Edith is trying to get
George to bake a pie

829
00:45:35,866 --> 00:45:39,104
and George is trying
to get Edith into bed.

830
00:45:41,372 --> 00:45:44,941
Trust your instincts
and follow each other.

831
00:45:44,942 --> 00:45:48,919
Call upon your own experience
and emotion as necessary.

832
00:45:50,715 --> 00:45:52,415
Okay?

833
00:45:52,416 --> 00:45:54,289
Please.

834
00:46:16,741 --> 00:46:18,943
Are you happy, George?

835
00:46:29,754 --> 00:46:31,888
Maybe this isn't the
right time, Edith.

836
00:46:31,889 --> 00:46:34,091
No, I think it's the perfect time.

837
00:46:39,497 --> 00:46:41,802
If I was happy, would
you have to ask?

838
00:46:42,833 --> 00:46:44,567
So we're gonna be honest today?

839
00:46:44,568 --> 00:46:47,612
I've been honest every day of...

840
00:46:49,940 --> 00:46:51,813
of this...

841
00:46:55,313 --> 00:46:57,515
My marriage.

842
00:46:59,116 --> 00:47:01,318
I haven't.

843
00:47:06,624 --> 00:47:09,236
It's probably time
I tell the truth.

844
00:47:10,027 --> 00:47:12,028
Go ahead.

845
00:47:12,029 --> 00:47:13,799
Okay.

846
00:47:18,302 --> 00:47:21,176
I am profoundly unhappy.

847
00:47:27,545 --> 00:47:30,513
And I'm lonely.

848
00:47:30,514 --> 00:47:32,523
And lonely.

849
00:47:42,493 --> 00:47:44,229
Let it ring.

850
00:47:45,830 --> 00:47:48,331
Edith, let it ring.
You started this.

851
00:47:48,332 --> 00:47:50,467
- I want to hear what you have to say.
- No, you don't want to hear.

852
00:47:50,468 --> 00:47:53,036
You don't want to hear
anything that isn't about you,

853
00:47:53,037 --> 00:47:56,775
your wants and your needs.

854
00:48:12,990 --> 00:48:15,525
When did you stop loving me?

855
00:48:15,526 --> 00:48:17,296
What?

856
00:48:19,864 --> 00:48:23,068
When did you stop loving me?

857
00:48:25,836 --> 00:48:27,538
Did you ever love me?

858
00:48:37,548 --> 00:48:40,319
Did you ever love me?
It's a simple question.

859
00:48:44,054 --> 00:48:46,131
George.

860
00:48:52,062 --> 00:48:53,764
George.

861
00:49:00,805 --> 00:49:02,372
Right.

862
00:49:02,373 --> 00:49:05,577
George. George.

863
00:49:16,587 --> 00:49:18,789
I'm so sorry.

864
00:49:19,590 --> 00:49:22,964
- I'm so sorry.
- It's not your fault.

865
00:49:35,439 --> 00:49:36,940
Wow.

866
00:49:42,279 --> 00:49:44,481
Thanks for having us.

867
00:49:45,950 --> 00:49:48,152
Carry on.

868
00:49:58,128 --> 00:50:01,901
Mm, I should probably
call him back.

869
00:50:02,967 --> 00:50:05,435
Oh, yeah.

870
00:50:05,436 --> 00:50:07,912
Okay, sure. Ahem.

871
00:50:11,141 --> 00:50:14,345
Hi. Sorry I missed your call.
We were in a thing.

872
00:50:15,946 --> 00:50:19,650
Yeah. Oh, it's great.
It's a little slice of heaven.

873
00:50:22,620 --> 00:50:24,354
Mm-hmm.

874
00:50:24,355 --> 00:50:25,989
Oh, she loves it, yeah.

875
00:50:25,990 --> 00:50:28,992
I can tell it's gonna be work
getting her back in the car.

876
00:50:28,993 --> 00:50:31,060
Did you talk to her yet?
Did you...?

877
00:50:31,061 --> 00:50:35,209
Oh, it's beautiful. It's a
beautiful campus, you know.

878
00:50:38,402 --> 00:50:41,082
Well, how are you? Yeah?

879
00:50:43,641 --> 00:50:46,843
- Uh...
- Try texting her.

880
00:50:46,844 --> 00:50:49,178
Hi. Yeah.

881
00:50:49,179 --> 00:50:52,015
- What?
- Yeah, mm-hmm.

882
00:50:52,016 --> 00:50:54,551
Just checking in before you left.

883
00:50:54,552 --> 00:50:57,020
We'll see what she says.
She hasn't met him yet, but I'm sure...

884
00:50:57,021 --> 00:50:59,188
No, everything-everything's fine.

885
00:50:59,189 --> 00:51:04,360
Conrad is passionately
indifferent towards Middleton.

886
00:51:04,361 --> 00:51:06,229
No big surprise.

887
00:51:06,230 --> 00:51:08,331
What? Yeah?

888
00:51:08,332 --> 00:51:10,700
It's beautiful here.

889
00:51:10,701 --> 00:51:12,769
- Really beautiful.
- Okay, we'll just... we'll talk later.

890
00:51:12,770 --> 00:51:15,004
Mm-hmm, okay.

891
00:51:15,005 --> 00:51:17,040
All right. Bye.

892
00:51:17,041 --> 00:51:19,414
Okay, try you later. All right.

893
00:51:21,879 --> 00:51:24,081
Good reception.

894
00:51:24,915 --> 00:51:27,250
Look at that...
parents and their children

895
00:51:27,251 --> 00:51:29,552
on a college tour
eating lunch together.

896
00:51:31,055 --> 00:51:32,589
What a novel idea.

897
00:51:32,590 --> 00:51:34,691
I think it's overrated.

898
00:51:34,692 --> 00:51:38,695
You know, all I wanted was for
her to just let me have my day.

899
00:51:38,696 --> 00:51:41,598
She's not the one who's gonna
go here. I'm going here.

900
00:51:41,599 --> 00:51:43,933
And all I wanted was for her
to shut up and be present.

901
00:51:43,934 --> 00:51:45,468
Is that so much to ask for?

902
00:51:45,469 --> 00:51:48,571
What's the big deal?
Just give her a call.

903
00:51:48,572 --> 00:51:50,406
Yeah, but I shouldn't
have to give her a call.

904
00:51:50,407 --> 00:51:53,315
- Why are you so angry?
- I'm not angry.

905
00:51:55,579 --> 00:51:57,981
I should eat somewhere else.

906
00:51:57,982 --> 00:52:00,483
- Wait.
- What?

907
00:52:00,484 --> 00:52:02,585
Conrad, I'm sorry.

908
00:52:02,586 --> 00:52:04,587
Okay?

909
00:52:04,588 --> 00:52:06,889
I'm a nice person, I promise.

910
00:52:06,890 --> 00:52:09,425
Look, sometimes I push
away people I like.

911
00:52:09,426 --> 00:52:11,628
It's one of my few flaws.

912
00:52:14,498 --> 00:52:16,200
Please?

913
00:52:17,001 --> 00:52:19,010
Yeah, I'll stay.

914
00:52:26,777 --> 00:52:28,786
They have omelets.

915
00:52:32,182 --> 00:52:33,783
Would you excuse me for a moment?

916
00:52:33,784 --> 00:52:36,328
I've got a bladder the
size of a ball bearing.

917
00:52:39,423 --> 00:52:41,457
Okay.

918
00:53:02,646 --> 00:53:05,314
Absolutely not.

919
00:53:05,315 --> 00:53:07,188
Do you want me to call your mom?

920
00:53:08,519 --> 00:53:10,053
No.

921
00:53:10,054 --> 00:53:12,488
She's on a private tour
with the dean of students.

922
00:53:12,489 --> 00:53:14,327
Can you believe that?

923
00:53:27,337 --> 00:53:29,472
Hi. Yes, I'm Audrey Martin

924
00:53:29,473 --> 00:53:33,142
and I'm a rising freshman currently
on a tour of Middleton campus.

925
00:53:33,143 --> 00:53:36,546
Um, do you think
it would be possible

926
00:53:36,547 --> 00:53:38,047
to have a brief word
with Dean Pruitt?

927
00:53:38,048 --> 00:53:39,454
It's very important.

928
00:53:40,851 --> 00:53:43,531
Uh-huh.

929
00:53:44,655 --> 00:53:47,859
Yeah. Okay, thank you.

930
00:54:11,515 --> 00:54:14,550
- Excuse me.
- Oh, shit.

931
00:54:14,551 --> 00:54:16,753
Excuse me.

932
00:54:18,689 --> 00:54:20,089
Hey.

933
00:54:20,090 --> 00:54:22,125
How was the tour with
the dean of students?

934
00:54:22,126 --> 00:54:25,261
The tour with the dean
of students, yes.

935
00:54:25,262 --> 00:54:28,397
It was... it was great.
It was great.

936
00:54:28,398 --> 00:54:31,734
We saw some fascinating...
have you seen the bell tower yet?

937
00:54:31,735 --> 00:54:34,704
We saw the... we were
up into the bell tower.

938
00:54:34,705 --> 00:54:36,773
It's beautiful.
And we went into a class.

939
00:54:36,774 --> 00:54:39,709
We went into an acting
class and they taught us

940
00:54:39,710 --> 00:54:42,378
how to breathe... you know,
how the actors breathe.

941
00:54:42,379 --> 00:54:45,148
It was like...

942
00:54:45,149 --> 00:54:47,283
Ahh-hh.

943
00:54:47,284 --> 00:54:49,252
Gotta make a sound like that.

944
00:54:49,253 --> 00:54:51,420
Ahh-hh.

945
00:54:51,421 --> 00:54:54,757
The dean of students is
at a conference in Toronto.

946
00:54:56,927 --> 00:55:00,506
Ahh-hh.

947
00:55:04,234 --> 00:55:06,436
It's like...

948
00:55:07,337 --> 00:55:09,312
Excuse me.

949
00:55:10,240 --> 00:55:12,775
Okay, where's my mother?

950
00:55:12,776 --> 00:55:15,311
Uh, she's...

951
00:55:15,312 --> 00:55:17,113
planetarium.

952
00:55:17,114 --> 00:55:18,815
She said something
about the planetarium.

953
00:55:18,816 --> 00:55:21,951
- It's an observatory.
- Well, yes, exactly... the observatory.

954
00:55:21,952 --> 00:55:23,786
- Yeah.
- I've just been calling it the...

955
00:55:23,787 --> 00:55:24,954
planetarium.

956
00:55:24,955 --> 00:55:27,863
Have you seen Conrad?
Have you seen Conrad?

957
00:55:31,028 --> 00:55:33,963
- Hey.
- I just ran into your dad.

958
00:55:33,964 --> 00:55:36,332
- Was he looking for me?
- No.

959
00:55:36,333 --> 00:55:39,168
- What's up with your mom?
- I'm tracking her down.

960
00:55:39,169 --> 00:55:42,438
I cannot wait to find her
deceitful ass and expose her lie.

961
00:55:42,439 --> 00:55:44,173
What's the rush?

962
00:55:44,174 --> 00:55:47,184
In case you haven't noticed,
I'm a now kind of girl.

963
00:55:53,183 --> 00:55:55,021
George.

964
00:55:59,323 --> 00:56:01,324
What are we doing here?

965
00:56:01,325 --> 00:56:03,226
We're having lunch.

966
00:56:03,227 --> 00:56:05,194
Is that what you call it...
having lunch?

967
00:56:05,195 --> 00:56:07,163
What do you call it, George?

968
00:56:07,164 --> 00:56:11,512
Just look at me straight in the eye and
tell me that we're just having lunch.

969
00:56:23,347 --> 00:56:25,220
I need...

970
00:56:29,853 --> 00:56:32,521
I need some...

971
00:56:32,522 --> 00:56:34,523
I need some ketchup.

972
00:56:34,524 --> 00:56:36,192
Come here. Hey, come on.

973
00:56:36,193 --> 00:56:38,464
Edith, Edith, sit down.

974
00:56:42,599 --> 00:56:45,167
Come on.

975
00:56:45,168 --> 00:56:48,371
What just happened
in that acting class?

976
00:56:48,372 --> 00:56:50,373
What was that?

977
00:56:50,374 --> 00:56:52,875
- It was two adults making believe.
- Making believe?

978
00:56:52,876 --> 00:56:54,410
Is that what you call it...
making believe?

979
00:56:54,411 --> 00:56:55,945
Well, what do you call it, George?

980
00:56:55,946 --> 00:56:58,848
Well, uh,

981
00:56:58,849 --> 00:57:01,517
if you want to know the truth,
I'm afraid to give it a name.

982
00:57:01,518 --> 00:57:04,426
Because what I've got swirling
in my head right now...

983
00:57:07,024 --> 00:57:09,101
it's scaring me half to death.

984
00:57:12,596 --> 00:57:14,697
I just saw your daughter.

985
00:57:14,698 --> 00:57:16,299
Audrey is here?

986
00:57:16,300 --> 00:57:18,367
No, she's not here.

987
00:57:18,368 --> 00:57:21,037
She's not here because
I looked her in the eye

988
00:57:21,038 --> 00:57:23,072
and I told her a lie.

989
00:57:23,073 --> 00:57:25,574
- What did you say?
- She wanted to know where you were

990
00:57:25,575 --> 00:57:27,743
and I told her you were
at the planetarium.

991
00:57:27,744 --> 00:57:30,686
- No, I think it's an observatory.
- Yes, I know. I've heard.

992
00:57:32,649 --> 00:57:34,750
Why did you lie?

993
00:57:34,751 --> 00:57:37,454
Because I don't want
our day to end.

994
00:57:45,762 --> 00:57:48,272
Come on, help me out, Edith.

995
00:57:51,902 --> 00:57:53,638
Say something.

996
00:57:59,443 --> 00:58:01,811
- What do you want me to say?
- Say anything.

997
00:58:01,812 --> 00:58:05,748
Tell me that this day has meant
more to you than just killing time

998
00:58:05,749 --> 00:58:07,950
or your daughter's just
looking at a college.

999
00:58:07,951 --> 00:58:10,631
Tell me that. Give me that much.

1000
00:58:11,688 --> 00:58:13,689
We're married.

1001
00:58:13,690 --> 00:58:15,624
- And we have kids.
- Hey, stop avoiding.

1002
00:58:15,625 --> 00:58:17,702
Listen to me, Edith, please.

1003
00:58:19,997 --> 00:58:22,665
Just tell me you feel
something for me

1004
00:58:22,666 --> 00:58:24,467
and I'm not imagining this.

1005
00:58:24,468 --> 00:58:27,336
We should probably get
back to our children.

1006
00:58:27,337 --> 00:58:28,971
Edith. Okay, listen, I'm sorry.

1007
00:58:28,972 --> 00:58:30,373
Don't go. Listen.
Just talk to me a second.

1008
00:58:30,374 --> 00:58:31,874
- I'm sorry, George.
- Edith.

1009
00:58:31,875 --> 00:58:33,476
I'm sorry.

1010
00:58:33,477 --> 00:58:35,816
Edith. Edith.

1011
00:58:36,813 --> 00:58:40,816
The college was founded
in 1887 by Lowndes Pope Middleton,

1012
00:58:40,817 --> 00:58:43,519
who made his fortune as a seafaring
entrepreneur before devoting...

1013
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:45,788
- Excuse me.
- Yes?

1014
00:58:45,789 --> 00:58:48,024
Where's the observatory?
I've gotten separated from my daughter.

1015
00:58:48,025 --> 00:58:50,726
- It's on the hill behind Franklin.
- I'm sorry, where's Franklin?

1016
00:58:50,727 --> 00:58:53,462
Excuse me, some of us who
didn't desert our children

1017
00:58:53,463 --> 00:58:55,540
would like to continue
with the program.

1018
00:58:57,234 --> 00:59:00,136
I politely interrupt to
ask a simple question

1019
00:59:00,137 --> 00:59:02,671
and you think that gives you the
right to indict my parenting?

1020
00:59:02,672 --> 00:59:05,174
Wow, look at you.

1021
00:59:05,175 --> 00:59:06,342
Look at you.

1022
00:59:06,343 --> 00:59:08,344
You think you've got it
all worked out, huh?

1023
00:59:08,345 --> 00:59:11,047
Yeah, 18 years, right,

1024
00:59:11,048 --> 00:59:14,050
of saying the right things,
making good choices,

1025
00:59:14,051 --> 00:59:16,385
telling yourself it all adds
up to little Johnny here

1026
00:59:16,386 --> 00:59:19,522
having what it takes
to skate through life, huh?

1027
00:59:19,523 --> 00:59:21,857
Well, I've got news for you...

1028
00:59:21,858 --> 00:59:23,526
it doesn't add up.

1029
00:59:23,527 --> 00:59:25,361
Nothing adds up.

1030
00:59:25,362 --> 00:59:29,476
It's all just a feckless
dingleberry monkey garden.

1031
00:59:31,401 --> 00:59:33,402
Here's how it works, okay?

1032
00:59:33,403 --> 00:59:35,838
You love them. They love you.

1033
00:59:35,839 --> 00:59:38,207
But after that, all bets are off.

1034
00:59:38,208 --> 00:59:42,988
After that, if you've done your
job right, they just leave.

1035
00:59:43,780 --> 00:59:46,153
And you know where that leaves you?

1036
00:59:47,084 --> 00:59:48,918
It leaves you alone with a stranger

1037
00:59:48,919 --> 00:59:52,999
who you realize you haven't really
gotten to know over the last 18 years.

1038
01:00:02,365 --> 01:00:04,733
Look,

1039
01:00:04,734 --> 01:00:06,602
Okay,

1040
01:00:06,603 --> 01:00:10,239
here's all you need to know
about the Middleton experience:

1041
01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:12,641
it doesn't include you.

1042
01:00:12,642 --> 01:00:15,448
- Come on, let's go.
- That was fun.

1043
01:00:19,382 --> 01:00:20,916
Excuse me?

1044
01:00:20,917 --> 01:00:22,618
Nothing.

1045
01:00:22,619 --> 01:00:25,459
- That was fun?
- I'm sorry.

1046
01:00:30,627 --> 01:00:32,431
Sorry.

1047
01:00:37,067 --> 01:00:39,301
It's beautiful here in Middleton.

1048
01:00:39,302 --> 01:00:41,880
It's really beautiful.

1049
01:00:44,608 --> 01:00:46,287
You need to celebrate.

1050
01:00:49,513 --> 01:00:51,317
You okay?

1051
01:00:56,820 --> 01:00:59,500
Maybe she's waiting
for you at your meeting.

1052
01:01:03,126 --> 01:01:05,499
I think it's locked.

1053
01:01:10,834 --> 01:01:13,708
This is unbelievable! Where is she?

1054
01:01:16,606 --> 01:01:18,140
I'm done.

1055
01:01:18,141 --> 01:01:20,176
I think I'm just gonna
go to my meeting.

1056
01:01:20,177 --> 01:01:22,978
So you want to leave, too?
What is this, take-a-shit-on-Audrey day?

1057
01:01:22,979 --> 01:01:25,848
I don't mean this in a bad way,
but you're kind of a lot of work.

1058
01:01:25,849 --> 01:01:28,651
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

1059
01:01:28,652 --> 01:01:30,986
So we're taking the
gloves off, huh?

1060
01:01:30,987 --> 01:01:32,655
Please, Conrad, I know you.

1061
01:01:32,656 --> 01:01:34,490
I know you better than
you know yourself.

1062
01:01:34,491 --> 01:01:37,226
You think your million-dollar
smile will give you

1063
01:01:37,227 --> 01:01:39,895
an all-access backstage
pass to life?

1064
01:01:39,896 --> 01:01:41,964
You know what? The fairy tale ends.

1065
01:01:41,965 --> 01:01:43,899
It's all downhill from here.

1066
01:01:43,900 --> 01:01:46,341
You've peaked.

1067
01:01:47,504 --> 01:01:49,706
Have a nice life.

1068
01:01:54,344 --> 01:01:56,378
Yeah, that's it. Go ahead.

1069
01:01:56,379 --> 01:01:59,116
Confusion has a lot
of great soundtracks.

1070
01:02:06,356 --> 01:02:08,558
I'm going there.

1071
01:02:09,693 --> 01:02:11,895
Audrey.

1072
01:02:13,830 --> 01:02:15,864
Conrad's meeting...

1073
01:02:15,865 --> 01:02:18,067
I gotta go this way.

1074
01:02:33,416 --> 01:02:35,884
These are definitely
not Bach's hands.

1075
01:02:43,460 --> 01:02:45,606
Well...

1076
01:02:49,866 --> 01:02:52,067
Thank you.

1077
01:02:52,068 --> 01:02:53,941
What for?

1078
01:03:10,220 --> 01:03:12,593
Bye, Edith.

1079
01:04:57,427 --> 01:04:59,629
Edith?

1080
01:05:10,874 --> 01:05:13,076
What's the matter?

1081
01:05:14,043 --> 01:05:16,484
Uh... oh.

1082
01:05:19,916 --> 01:05:21,717
What's going on?

1083
01:05:21,718 --> 01:05:23,952
I didn't want anyone else to hear.

1084
01:05:23,953 --> 01:05:26,722
- Hear what?
- What I have to say.

1085
01:05:26,723 --> 01:05:29,124
Edith, we just said good-bye.

1086
01:05:29,125 --> 01:05:31,635
No, you said good-bye.
I didn't say anything.

1087
01:05:33,696 --> 01:05:36,274
I just... I don't
want to be rushed.

1088
01:05:38,067 --> 01:05:40,076
Uh...

1089
01:05:50,413 --> 01:05:52,381
- Edith.
- Yes?

1090
01:05:52,382 --> 01:05:54,583
I'm a board-certified
cardiac surgeon.

1091
01:05:54,584 --> 01:05:56,718
I'm hiding in a dark room
from a hallway of people

1092
01:05:56,719 --> 01:05:58,053
who can't legally rent a car.

1093
01:05:58,054 --> 01:06:00,700
Okay, I get it.

1094
01:06:01,491 --> 01:06:04,262
Okay, George, um...

1095
01:06:06,396 --> 01:06:08,633
I don't want to say good-bye.

1096
01:06:10,500 --> 01:06:13,374
This makes me happy.

1097
01:06:17,006 --> 01:06:19,152
Say something.

1098
01:06:28,952 --> 01:06:30,285
No, don't stop.

1099
01:06:30,286 --> 01:06:32,154
You guys are so sweet,

1100
01:06:32,155 --> 01:06:35,624
sneaking off to the projection
room to steal a kiss.

1101
01:06:35,625 --> 01:06:36,825
- No, we're...
- No, no, no, no.

1102
01:06:36,826 --> 01:06:38,594
- No, we're not stea...
- No, we're... we're...

1103
01:06:38,595 --> 01:06:41,864
It's just that we haven't seen
each other in a long time.

1104
01:06:46,302 --> 01:06:48,637
- I'm Daphne.
- I could kill you, Edith.

1105
01:06:48,638 --> 01:06:51,206
- Hi. George. How are you?
- Hi.

1106
01:06:51,207 --> 01:06:52,641
- Nice to meet you.
- I'm Edith.

1107
01:06:52,642 --> 01:06:53,809
Hi.

1108
01:06:55,812 --> 01:06:57,513
Oh, my God.

1109
01:06:57,514 --> 01:06:59,781
- You know this?
- What?

1110
01:06:59,782 --> 01:07:01,216
No. What is it?

1111
01:07:01,217 --> 01:07:03,652
"Les Parapluies de Cherbourg."

1112
01:07:03,653 --> 01:07:06,154
I haven't seen this in 20 years.

1113
01:07:06,155 --> 01:07:07,623
English, please.

1114
01:07:07,624 --> 01:07:10,826
- "Umbrellas of Cherbourg."
- Oh. What's it about?

1115
01:07:10,827 --> 01:07:14,396
It's about young love.

1116
01:07:14,397 --> 01:07:15,797
Who's the woman?

1117
01:07:15,798 --> 01:07:17,866
That's a 20-year-old
Catherine Deneuve.

1118
01:07:17,867 --> 01:07:20,502
- 19.
- Yeah? What's her name?

1119
01:07:20,503 --> 01:07:21,670
- Wow.
- Genevieve.

1120
01:07:21,671 --> 01:07:24,339
Genevieve, right.
And she falls in love with...

1121
01:07:24,340 --> 01:07:26,451
- Guy.
- Guy, guy.

1122
01:07:29,078 --> 01:07:31,383
They're so beautiful.

1123
01:07:33,883 --> 01:07:35,517
How does it end?

1124
01:07:35,518 --> 01:07:38,020
That's cheating, George.

1125
01:07:38,021 --> 01:07:41,723
And, you know, French films are
always complicated, aren't they?

1126
01:07:41,724 --> 01:07:43,403
Oh, always.

1127
01:07:48,498 --> 01:07:51,700
I got a call from the hospital.
I gotta take this.

1128
01:07:51,701 --> 01:07:53,201
I'm sorry. Nice meeting you.

1129
01:07:53,202 --> 01:07:54,904
Bye.

1130
01:07:55,872 --> 01:07:57,272
Congratulations to

1131
01:07:57,273 --> 01:08:00,876
the Middleton public safety
officers Kleiman and Tallis

1132
01:08:00,877 --> 01:08:03,545
for the successful
recovery of two bicycles

1133
01:08:03,546 --> 01:08:06,582
stolen earlier today by
what are believed to be

1134
01:08:06,583 --> 01:08:08,917
musical bandits.

1135
01:08:08,918 --> 01:08:12,020
And to all you aspiring
Otters out there,

1136
01:08:12,021 --> 01:08:14,256
today will be the last
school-sanctioned

1137
01:08:14,257 --> 01:08:16,558
Fountain Friday of the year,

1138
01:08:16,559 --> 01:08:19,895
so feel free to get
weird and get wet.

1139
01:08:19,896 --> 01:08:22,230
This Sugarwolf song is dedicated

1140
01:08:22,231 --> 01:08:26,101
to my fifth-grade teacher
Owen Perlmutter.

1141
01:08:26,102 --> 01:08:30,372
It's called "Bad Name."

1142
01:08:44,053 --> 01:08:46,088
Take a seat.

1143
01:08:46,089 --> 01:08:48,423
Does your watch say 2:00?

1144
01:08:48,424 --> 01:08:52,761
Because my watch broke years
ago, but I know you are late.

1145
01:08:52,762 --> 01:08:54,162
Sorry. I just wanted to...

1146
01:08:54,163 --> 01:08:56,732
First lesson of radio:
don't be late.

1147
01:08:56,733 --> 01:08:59,101
Silence is death.

1148
01:08:59,102 --> 01:09:01,269
- I...
- Uh, uh, if it doesn't involve

1149
01:09:01,270 --> 01:09:03,305
you and a coed, I don't
want to hear about it.

1150
01:09:03,306 --> 01:09:04,773
- What's your name?
- Conrad.

1151
01:09:04,774 --> 01:09:06,975
Conrad. That's great.
We'll change it.

1152
01:09:06,976 --> 01:09:10,623
Boneyard Sims.
Welcome to radio, my brother.

1153
01:09:12,448 --> 01:09:14,816
Okay, here's how we rock.

1154
01:09:14,817 --> 01:09:16,418
I've got to be there for Larry.

1155
01:09:16,419 --> 01:09:17,986
- Who's Larry?
- George's patient.

1156
01:09:17,987 --> 01:09:20,756
- Where's the nearest computer?
- Oh, that would be mine. Come on.

1157
01:09:20,757 --> 01:09:24,166
- Well, what about the movie?
- I know how it ends.

1158
01:09:40,710 --> 01:09:44,187
Hi. I have an appointment
with Dr. Emerson.

1159
01:09:45,314 --> 01:09:47,516
- Audrey Martin?
- Yes.

1160
01:09:51,988 --> 01:09:55,190
I heard he refuses to sponsor
freshmen or sophomores

1161
01:09:55,191 --> 01:09:56,892
for independent study.

1162
01:09:56,893 --> 01:09:58,126
Is it true?

1163
01:09:58,127 --> 01:10:00,898
You'll need to talk to
Dr. Emerson about that.

1164
01:10:07,170 --> 01:10:10,872
Is it true he works "The Times" Sunday
crossword puzzle in under an hour?

1165
01:10:10,873 --> 01:10:12,848
In pen.

1166
01:10:13,676 --> 01:10:15,583
Do you know if he
ever got my letters?

1167
01:10:16,412 --> 01:10:18,847
All six of them.

1168
01:10:18,848 --> 01:10:20,716
Miss Martin.

1169
01:10:20,717 --> 01:10:22,818
Hi. It's very nice to meet you.

1170
01:10:22,819 --> 01:10:24,853
- Welcome.
- Thank you.

1171
01:10:24,854 --> 01:10:27,422
- Would you like some tea?
- Yes, love it.

1172
01:10:27,423 --> 01:10:30,399
Hold on one second.
I gotta access our BP.

1173
01:10:32,495 --> 01:10:34,697
She's all yours, George.

1174
01:10:41,704 --> 01:10:44,106
There it is.

1175
01:10:50,213 --> 01:10:52,547
Whoa.

1176
01:10:52,548 --> 01:10:54,883
Is that...?

1177
01:10:54,884 --> 01:10:56,618
Is that an angiography?

1178
01:10:56,619 --> 01:10:59,755
George, Edith,
this is my boyfriend Travis.

1179
01:10:59,756 --> 01:11:02,190
- What up?
- He's premed.

1180
01:11:02,191 --> 01:11:04,226
George is a cardiac surgeon

1181
01:11:04,227 --> 01:11:08,307
and he's trying to save
Larry's life online.

1182
01:11:09,599 --> 01:11:11,800
Is that Larry's heart?

1183
01:11:11,801 --> 01:11:13,947
What's left of it.

1184
01:11:14,737 --> 01:11:16,638
Yeah, call that in, dude.

1185
01:11:16,639 --> 01:11:20,909
Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna have to
get Larry in surgery immediately.

1186
01:11:20,910 --> 01:11:23,278
Yeah, call Rob,
tell him to scrub in.

1187
01:11:23,279 --> 01:11:25,580
And tell Larry I'm sorry
I'm not there for him.

1188
01:11:25,581 --> 01:11:28,416
I'll be checking in and I'll
see him in the morning.

1189
01:11:28,417 --> 01:11:30,119
Okay, thanks.

1190
01:11:37,593 --> 01:11:40,796
I've got a patient who's so
afraid to die that he can't live.

1191
01:11:40,797 --> 01:11:43,298
I've got a son that
most of the time

1192
01:11:43,299 --> 01:11:46,001
probably wishes I were dead.

1193
01:11:46,002 --> 01:11:49,838
And I'm living a day
that's making me realize

1194
01:11:49,839 --> 01:11:51,940
I have been dead.

1195
01:11:51,941 --> 01:11:55,143
Damn, George.

1196
01:11:55,144 --> 01:11:57,646
- That's a tad dark.
- Yeah.

1197
01:11:57,647 --> 01:11:59,681
You need to take the edge off.

1198
01:11:59,682 --> 01:12:01,750
Actually, I could use a drink.

1199
01:12:01,751 --> 01:12:05,187
You're out of luck on that.
We're only 20, so...

1200
01:12:05,188 --> 01:12:07,189
but we...

1201
01:12:07,190 --> 01:12:09,028
Yeah?

1202
01:12:13,963 --> 01:12:16,666
The white dragon.

1203
01:12:19,268 --> 01:12:21,269
Yeah.

1204
01:12:21,270 --> 01:12:24,974
Whew. It's epic.

1205
01:12:26,008 --> 01:12:27,846
I've never...

1206
01:12:32,815 --> 01:12:35,150
- Here.
- Oh, thank you.

1207
01:12:35,151 --> 01:12:36,853
You're welcome.

1208
01:12:45,161 --> 01:12:46,863
Well...

1209
01:12:48,064 --> 01:12:50,232
I read "The Philosophy of
Language" in ninth grade

1210
01:12:50,233 --> 01:12:52,000
and it changed my life.

1211
01:12:52,001 --> 01:12:53,902
- Really?
- Absolutely.

1212
01:12:53,903 --> 01:12:56,338
It's so simple, yet so passionate.

1213
01:12:56,339 --> 01:12:59,207
And from the first paragraph,

1214
01:12:59,208 --> 01:13:01,476
I knew that I was in
the hands of a genius.

1215
01:13:01,477 --> 01:13:03,144
And I felt so privileged to be able

1216
01:13:03,145 --> 01:13:06,014
to share so intimately
in his mind and his soul.

1217
01:13:06,015 --> 01:13:08,416
Well,

1218
01:13:08,417 --> 01:13:10,563
what can I say?

1219
01:13:19,362 --> 01:13:22,397
"The most important element
in all forms of communication

1220
01:13:22,398 --> 01:13:26,534
is understanding the language
of what isn't being said."

1221
01:13:26,535 --> 01:13:28,603
Good afternoon, Dr. Emerson.

1222
01:13:28,604 --> 01:13:30,572
Tea?

1223
01:13:30,573 --> 01:13:32,753
Oh, yes.

1224
01:13:34,543 --> 01:13:36,077
I can't imagine you're a student.

1225
01:13:36,078 --> 01:13:39,589
A student of life, my friend.

1226
01:13:42,051 --> 01:13:43,885
That was the Oath

1227
01:13:43,886 --> 01:13:46,087
from Charlottesville, Virginia.

1228
01:13:46,088 --> 01:13:48,056
And if you ask me,
they have all the pieces

1229
01:13:48,057 --> 01:13:50,792
to become a really mediocre band.

1230
01:13:50,793 --> 01:13:53,395
Less bullying and more music, boys.

1231
01:13:53,396 --> 01:13:58,099
Okay, Boneyard Sims on a
lazy Friday afternoon.

1232
01:13:58,100 --> 01:14:01,469
Don't you matriculators
have some homework to do?

1233
01:14:03,940 --> 01:14:07,108
- Where were we?
- Lesson number four.

1234
01:14:07,109 --> 01:14:09,444
Oh, yes, lesson number four:

1235
01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:11,212
know your audience.

1236
01:14:11,213 --> 01:14:13,281
It's all about making a connection.

1237
01:14:13,282 --> 01:14:15,250
That's the beauty of radio.

1238
01:14:15,251 --> 01:14:17,752
Something goes on between you
and the people out there.

1239
01:14:17,753 --> 01:14:19,955
It's living and changing
moment to moment.

1240
01:14:19,956 --> 01:14:22,624
You can't see it,
but you can feel it.

1241
01:14:22,625 --> 01:14:25,260
And you can't get that on VH1.

1242
01:14:25,261 --> 01:14:27,395
What are you listening to?

1243
01:14:27,396 --> 01:14:29,931
- What are you listening to?
- Oh.

1244
01:14:29,932 --> 01:14:34,269
<i>♪ Hang me tight,
I'm gone from it all ♪</i>

1245
01:14:34,270 --> 01:14:38,606
<i>♪ Bring me down, this town ♪</i>

1246
01:14:38,607 --> 01:14:40,608
<i>♪ I love to love... ♪</i>

1247
01:14:40,609 --> 01:14:44,012
Shit. Shit. Shit.

1248
01:14:44,013 --> 01:14:46,414
Bullshit. More shit.

1249
01:14:46,415 --> 01:14:49,985
Horseshit. Cow shit. More shit.

1250
01:14:49,986 --> 01:14:52,587
You got a great ear, kid.
I think you're a natural.

1251
01:14:52,588 --> 01:14:54,122
Beer?

1252
01:14:54,123 --> 01:14:56,791
Uh, no, I'd better not.

1253
01:14:56,792 --> 01:14:58,293
Good call. More for me.

1254
01:15:03,632 --> 01:15:06,301
Slainte.

1255
01:15:06,302 --> 01:15:08,470
<i>♪ Oh, yeah ♪</i>

1256
01:15:08,471 --> 01:15:10,372
<i>♪ The reggae beat ♪</i>

1257
01:15:10,373 --> 01:15:12,348
<i>♪ Yeah... ♪</i>

1258
01:15:18,647 --> 01:15:23,387
<i>♪ I'm a cardiac surgeon, yeah. ♪</i>

1259
01:15:30,893 --> 01:15:34,195
Isn't it supposed to be the kids
that are going away to college

1260
01:15:34,196 --> 01:15:37,165
and smoking weed behind
the parents' back?

1261
01:15:43,372 --> 01:15:45,907
So what's the word?
Are you guys digging Middleton?

1262
01:15:45,908 --> 01:15:47,842
Your kids are gonna
go here or what?

1263
01:15:47,843 --> 01:15:50,412
- Yes.
- No.

1264
01:15:50,413 --> 01:15:53,882
I gotta say, man, in my short life,

1265
01:15:53,883 --> 01:15:58,653
you two are the coolest
parents I've ever seen.

1266
01:15:58,654 --> 01:16:01,356
Aw, thank you.

1267
01:16:01,357 --> 01:16:02,891
Where did you guys meet?

1268
01:16:02,892 --> 01:16:04,826
College.

1269
01:16:09,198 --> 01:16:11,199
Yeah.

1270
01:16:11,200 --> 01:16:13,701
You got one.

1271
01:16:13,702 --> 01:16:15,937
So as I was saying, the
trouble with Chomsky is

1272
01:16:15,938 --> 01:16:17,739
he can't leave his
politics out of it.

1273
01:16:17,740 --> 01:16:22,043
Now, that, for me, in my view,
compromises his science.

1274
01:16:22,044 --> 01:16:24,879
Some would say Chomsky is
just true to his conscience.

1275
01:16:24,880 --> 01:16:26,714
Ah.

1276
01:16:26,715 --> 01:16:28,016
Advise me.

1277
01:16:28,017 --> 01:16:30,385
Oh, I think you've worked it
out pretty well on your own.

1278
01:16:30,386 --> 01:16:34,255
No, I mean, be my
advisor next year.

1279
01:16:34,256 --> 01:16:36,791
I will not let you down.

1280
01:16:36,792 --> 01:16:38,726
You're a very serious young woman.

1281
01:16:38,727 --> 01:16:40,562
Well, thank you.

1282
01:16:40,563 --> 01:16:43,403
I didn't quite mean
it as a compliment.

1283
01:16:44,567 --> 01:16:48,570
It sounds as though you're
hurrying somewhere in such a way

1284
01:16:48,571 --> 01:16:52,082
that the journey will yield
very little pleasure.

1285
01:16:53,109 --> 01:16:55,310
Slow down.

1286
01:16:55,311 --> 01:16:59,080
College should not necessarily be
about narrowing your focus.

1287
01:16:59,081 --> 01:17:02,524
It's about broadening
your experience.

1288
01:17:05,121 --> 01:17:08,359
I'm sorry, but I can't
be your adviser.

1289
01:17:09,425 --> 01:17:12,393
Okay, I know you don't
take on freshmen,

1290
01:17:12,394 --> 01:17:14,229
but with my AP credits,

1291
01:17:14,230 --> 01:17:17,432
I'm technically entering
Middleton as a sophomore.

1292
01:17:17,433 --> 01:17:20,001
I'm leaving Middleton.

1293
01:17:20,002 --> 01:17:22,273
At the end of next week,
as a matter of fact.

1294
01:17:23,639 --> 01:17:26,107
Are you going to another school?

1295
01:17:26,108 --> 01:17:27,909
I'm going on a sabbatical.

1296
01:17:27,910 --> 01:17:30,078
Right.

1297
01:17:30,079 --> 01:17:32,480
There's a remnant of a Sioux
tribe in South Dakota

1298
01:17:32,481 --> 01:17:34,516
that I've arranged to study.

1299
01:17:34,517 --> 01:17:37,527
And I won't be in residence
for the next four years.

1300
01:17:40,422 --> 01:17:42,790
You can't do this to me.

1301
01:17:42,791 --> 01:17:43,992
I'm sorry?

1302
01:17:43,993 --> 01:17:46,261
You're all I thought
about this last year.

1303
01:17:46,262 --> 01:17:49,297
There are other linguistics
professors at Middleton.

1304
01:17:49,298 --> 01:17:50,632
Well, I don't want
other professors.

1305
01:17:50,633 --> 01:17:51,966
I want you.

1306
01:17:51,967 --> 01:17:53,968
- Audrey, I...
- Miss Martin.

1307
01:17:53,969 --> 01:17:56,037
- Miss Martin...
- Is this what this is all about...

1308
01:17:56,038 --> 01:17:58,673
tea at the faculty club,
I'll let her down easy?

1309
01:17:58,674 --> 01:18:00,683
Fuck South Dakota!

1310
01:18:01,844 --> 01:18:03,678
Hmm.

1311
01:18:03,679 --> 01:18:05,517
Okay.

1312
01:18:07,316 --> 01:18:09,393
Please excuse me.

1313
01:18:14,056 --> 01:18:17,325
The line between
ambition and obsession

1314
01:18:17,326 --> 01:18:19,894
is much thinner than
one might imagine.

1315
01:18:19,895 --> 01:18:22,230
You would be well
served to look down

1316
01:18:22,231 --> 01:18:25,844
and see exactly where
you are standing.

1317
01:18:43,686 --> 01:18:46,888
I can't believe my
baby is leaving me.

1318
01:18:50,226 --> 01:18:53,595
<i>♪ It's been a long
time coming down... ♪</i>

1319
01:18:56,432 --> 01:18:59,806
Conrad doesn't even know
what's in store for him.

1320
01:19:01,036 --> 01:19:04,239
He's gonna get his
buttocks handed to him.

1321
01:19:04,240 --> 01:19:07,717
Where did the last 17 years go?

1322
01:19:09,011 --> 01:19:11,846
Sleepovers, soccer games,
slamming doors.

1323
01:19:11,847 --> 01:19:13,715
Yeah.

1324
01:19:13,716 --> 01:19:17,619
I mean, I don't feel like the way
that I thought I would feel

1325
01:19:17,620 --> 01:19:18,853
when this happened.

1326
01:19:18,854 --> 01:19:20,722
How do you feel?

1327
01:19:20,723 --> 01:19:23,258
- Young!
- You are young.

1328
01:19:23,259 --> 01:19:26,099
Who defines young as
having a child in college?

1329
01:19:34,203 --> 01:19:36,237
Larry.

1330
01:19:36,238 --> 01:19:38,373
Heart Attack Larry.

1331
01:19:50,619 --> 01:19:53,154
I won't have to wait up
till 1:00 in the morning

1332
01:19:53,155 --> 01:19:55,590
listening for Audrey to come home.

1333
01:19:55,591 --> 01:19:59,965
I won't have to
fumigate his room twice a year.

1334
01:20:15,277 --> 01:20:17,278
<i>♪ Yeah... ♪</i>

1335
01:21:20,342 --> 01:21:22,544
Please, come on.

1336
01:21:23,712 --> 01:21:26,358
Hi, it's Edith. Leave a message.
I'll call you back.

1337
01:21:49,872 --> 01:21:52,484
It's okay, George.

1338
01:21:53,342 --> 01:21:55,715
- I still respect you.
- Mm.

1339
01:21:57,446 --> 01:22:00,214
Yeah, I respect you, too, George.

1340
01:22:00,215 --> 01:22:03,259
You know, I'd let you
dig around in my chest.

1341
01:22:04,686 --> 01:22:08,459
Of course, not today,
but, you know...

1342
01:22:10,058 --> 01:22:14,171
George, can I tell you a story?

1343
01:22:15,397 --> 01:22:18,733
When I was a kid, we had this dog.

1344
01:22:18,734 --> 01:22:22,403
This dog had a ball sack...

1345
01:22:22,404 --> 01:22:27,075
oh, yeah...
that was abnormally large.

1346
01:22:27,876 --> 01:22:30,278
When I say large,
I mean it looked like

1347
01:22:30,279 --> 01:22:32,413
somebody had grabbed him

1348
01:22:32,414 --> 01:22:37,652
and just shoved two Crenshaw
melons inside of his nut sack.

1349
01:22:37,653 --> 01:22:42,590
Anyway, one day the
dog got sick, okay?

1350
01:22:42,591 --> 01:22:44,926
It had a liver thing or something.

1351
01:22:44,927 --> 01:22:48,429
And the sicker the dog got,

1352
01:22:48,430 --> 01:22:50,598
the smaller

1353
01:22:50,599 --> 01:22:52,500
the ball sack got.

1354
01:22:52,501 --> 01:22:53,873
Hmm.

1355
01:22:55,270 --> 01:22:58,474
The vet says he's never
seen anything like it.

1356
01:22:59,808 --> 01:23:02,386
You know what I think, George?

1357
01:23:03,312 --> 01:23:06,280
The ball sack

1358
01:23:06,281 --> 01:23:08,392
is life.

1359
01:23:09,751 --> 01:23:11,252
Hmm.

1360
01:23:11,253 --> 01:23:13,558
The ball sack is life.

1361
01:23:14,523 --> 01:23:16,591
Exactly.

1362
01:23:16,592 --> 01:23:18,993
I was sure that there was gonna be

1363
01:23:18,994 --> 01:23:21,462
a point in there somewhere, but...

1364
01:23:21,463 --> 01:23:23,931
Yeah.

1365
01:23:27,469 --> 01:23:29,470
- The ball sack is life.
- The ball sack is life.

1366
01:23:29,471 --> 01:23:31,806
The ball sack is life.

1367
01:23:31,807 --> 01:23:34,809
Come on, let's go! Come on!

1368
01:23:36,645 --> 01:23:38,012
Yo, it's Fountain Friday?

1369
01:23:38,013 --> 01:23:40,381
Oh, yeah.

1370
01:23:40,382 --> 01:23:42,483
- It's Fountain Friday?
- Yes.

1371
01:23:42,484 --> 01:23:44,018
Are you guys in?

1372
01:23:44,019 --> 01:23:47,188
By my count, it's Fountain Friday,

1373
01:23:47,189 --> 01:23:49,991
so get in that water,
all you crazy kids,

1374
01:23:49,992 --> 01:23:51,893
and don't forget your sunscreen.

1375
01:23:51,894 --> 01:23:54,829
Now to play some music
for all you revelers

1376
01:23:54,830 --> 01:23:57,999
is our guest DJ Con Fab.

1377
01:23:58,000 --> 01:24:01,836
That's Con for Conrad
and Fab for "fabulous."

1378
01:24:01,837 --> 01:24:04,381
Take it away, pilgrim.

1379
01:24:08,410 --> 01:24:12,413
Um, this is for all you
reluctant Middletonians

1380
01:24:12,414 --> 01:24:15,383
who are thinking about not
getting in that fountain today.

1381
01:24:15,384 --> 01:24:19,220
Do yourselves a favor,
get in the water now.

1382
01:24:19,221 --> 01:24:22,857
You might be thinking it's
too uncool or stupid,

1383
01:24:22,858 --> 01:24:25,760
but you'll never know how
you really feel about it

1384
01:24:25,761 --> 01:24:27,595
until you jump in.

1385
01:24:27,596 --> 01:24:29,830
Go ahead.

1386
01:24:29,831 --> 01:24:31,999
Give it a chance.

1387
01:24:32,000 --> 01:24:34,908
And, hey, you just might like it.

1388
01:24:38,607 --> 01:24:40,708
This is usually where
we play a song.

1389
01:24:40,709 --> 01:24:44,083
I've got a little over six million.
Help yourself.

1390
01:24:45,714 --> 01:24:48,749
Um...

1391
01:25:04,933 --> 01:25:07,113
Not bad, kid.

1392
01:25:07,903 --> 01:25:09,639
Not bad.

1393
01:25:10,973 --> 01:25:13,585
Not bad at all.

1394
01:25:32,594 --> 01:25:34,495
That's my son.

1395
01:25:34,496 --> 01:25:36,607
That's Conrad.

1396
01:25:57,619 --> 01:26:02,923
<i>♪ Would you rather be more
than the things that you say ♪</i>

1397
01:26:02,924 --> 01:26:08,574
<i>♪ Just be the words that you
sing to yourself in your head ♪</i>

1398
01:26:10,465 --> 01:26:13,737
<i>♪ When nobody's around? ♪</i>

1399
01:26:15,937 --> 01:26:19,640
<i>♪ Or would you rather be
a part of the crowd ♪</i>

1400
01:26:19,641 --> 01:26:23,015
<i>♪ Or just a single sound ♪</i>

1401
01:26:23,979 --> 01:26:28,059
<i>♪ Waiting to be heard? ♪</i>

1402
01:26:29,117 --> 01:26:34,323
<i>♪ Do you know what I mean? ♪</i>

1403
01:26:35,290 --> 01:26:40,161
<i>♪ Well, you could be
one of the lovers or liars ♪</i>

1404
01:26:40,162 --> 01:26:46,074
<i>♪ Hiding all the things they do
on the back of their hands ♪</i>

1405
01:26:47,369 --> 01:26:50,880
<i>♪ Well, it's just you and me ♪</i>

1406
01:26:53,575 --> 01:26:57,178
<i>♪ 'Cause everybody's got
a little wrong ♪</i>

1407
01:26:57,179 --> 01:27:00,514
<i>♪ In all the right places ♪</i>

1408
01:27:00,515 --> 01:27:04,686
<i>♪ Just depends on
where you are... ♪</i>

1409
01:27:42,124 --> 01:27:44,391
Come on.

1410
01:28:33,108 --> 01:28:34,642
You were so right.

1411
01:28:34,643 --> 01:28:36,379
About what?

1412
01:28:37,179 --> 01:28:39,120
About everything.

1413
01:29:30,065 --> 01:29:32,333
- Hey.
- Hey.

1414
01:29:32,334 --> 01:29:35,879
I just wanted to say I'm sorry
about what happened today.

1415
01:29:37,172 --> 01:29:39,540
Yeah, me, too.

1416
01:29:39,541 --> 01:29:42,051
I was wrong about this place.

1417
01:29:42,844 --> 01:29:45,379
I think I could go here.

1418
01:29:45,380 --> 01:29:47,848
Well, you couldn't
pay me to go here.

1419
01:29:47,849 --> 01:29:49,550
Bad day, huh?

1420
01:29:49,551 --> 01:29:51,585
Catastrophic.

1421
01:29:51,586 --> 01:29:54,355
I'm sorry to hear that.

1422
01:29:54,356 --> 01:29:56,126
It's not your fault.

1423
01:30:01,696 --> 01:30:03,603
I like you better
without the leash.

1424
01:30:34,863 --> 01:30:36,770
Not yet.

1425
01:31:02,090 --> 01:31:04,793
I... I don't think we can...

1426
01:31:08,897 --> 01:31:11,475
Yeah. No.

1427
01:31:14,302 --> 01:31:16,937
I thought you fixed hearts.

1428
01:31:33,421 --> 01:31:35,658
It ends badly, doesn't it?

1429
01:31:37,025 --> 01:31:38,759
What do you mean?

1430
01:31:38,760 --> 01:31:41,428
The French movie...

1431
01:31:41,429 --> 01:31:43,404
it ends badly.

1432
01:31:45,333 --> 01:31:48,912
That's what makes it so special.

1433
01:32:01,449 --> 01:32:04,152
Well, this can't be good.

1434
01:32:08,289 --> 01:32:10,391
Hey, what happened to you?

1435
01:32:10,392 --> 01:32:12,893
I mean, where have you been?
Why haven't you answered my calls?

1436
01:32:12,894 --> 01:32:15,233
Here.

1437
01:32:18,500 --> 01:32:20,509
Okay.

1438
01:32:32,147 --> 01:32:34,190
Let's go.

1439
01:32:36,985 --> 01:32:39,392
I need you to drive.

1440
01:33:14,289 --> 01:33:17,299
Should I take 90 or Highway 2?

1441
01:33:28,937 --> 01:33:30,912
What happened to your glasses?

1442
01:34:53,855 --> 01:34:55,557
Mom.

1443
01:35:09,804 --> 01:35:12,382
We're gonna be okay.

1444
01:35:17,679 --> 01:35:19,722
You were right.

1445
01:35:20,715 --> 01:35:23,191
Middleton's not so bad.

1446
01:35:38,266 --> 01:35:40,605
Let's take the long way home.

1446
01:35:41,305 --> 01:35:47,940
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