1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM 2 00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:12,341 Mum? Mum? 3 00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:15,473 Mum? 4 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,225 Mum? 5 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,145 Mum? 6 00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:25,362 Mum? 7 00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:27,982 Mum? Mum? 8 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:32,740 Mum? 9 00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:38,200 You all right? 10 00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:43,380 I was just thinking about Poppy. 11 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,672 She was me only friend. 12 00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:51,426 Aw, Mum. I'm your friend. 13 00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:57,599 You're not a friend. You're just a relative. 14 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,106 I'm 34 years old! 15 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:04,731 And I've found someone who likes me, and I like him, 16 00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,611 and I'm going on holiday with him. 17 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,940 You're running away 18 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:13,076 from your... guilt! 19 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,114 Don't do that with Poppy's lead, Mum. 20 00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:33,638 You've always had lovely hair, Tina. 21 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,136 It is quite thick, isn't it? 22 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,637 Yes. 23 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:41,473 I've always admired your hair being thick, because mine's so thin. 24 00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:48,651 I think you might have a few split ends. Better watch that. 25 00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:53,822 - Any more bags you want taking? - Well, 26 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:56,821 - I might want a couple more towels. - No, not in there. 27 00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:59,615 You didn't tell me your mum was an artist. 28 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:01,829 What? 29 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,664 Look at these. 30 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,462 Chris, don't go in there. 31 00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,589 Why not? - Come out. Chris. 32 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,337 What's going on? 33 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,919 I'm just admiring your artwork, Carol. It's fantastic. 34 00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:14,130 I don't want anyone in my room. 35 00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:15,930 Chris was just saying how talented he thinks you are, Mum. 36 00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:19,226 It's my private sanctum. I don't want anybody looking. 37 00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:21,850 Well, no one's looking in your sanctum, Mum. 38 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:25,057 So I'll just... Shall I leave you, then, to look at your brushes? 39 00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,734 I'll just sit for a few minutes, yes. 40 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:30,187 - Okay. - I could do with a cup of tea. 41 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,443 - I'll get you one, Mum. - That'd be nice. 42 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:35,196 - I'm shutting the door now. - That's okay. 43 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,697 - Yeah? - Yeah. 44 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,779 Okay, Mum, bye. 45 00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,284 Bye. 46 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,574 - All right? - Yeah. 47 00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:44,079 Good. 48 00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:50,298 - I've always wanted a boy in my bed. - Come on. 49 00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:52,000 - Have you? - Yeah. I was never allowed. 50 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,677 I've always wanted to be in this bed. 51 00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:57,972 - This is Jonty. - Oh, he's putting me off. 52 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:08,100 - I like this room. - Do you? 53 00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:09,935 - Mmm. - I hate it. 54 00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:12,358 Why? 55 00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:15,653 Well, I like the bits. 56 00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:17,363 Makes me think of you when you were a kid. 57 00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:21,072 At the same time, if it was all destroyed, I'd be quite happy. 58 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,122 So what were you like when you were a little kid, then? 59 00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:25,872 - Unhappy. - You didn't like school? 60 00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,828 I know, nor me. 61 00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:30,789 What were you like at school, Chris? 62 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:33,716 I wasn't like anything. I was, like, invisible. 63 00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,419 What about you being ginger? 64 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,596 Weli, that's a problem, yeah. 65 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,469 That's not invisible, is it? 66 00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,846 No, but I wanted to be. 67 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:45,892 Oh, I don't think it's safe going off with him. 68 00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:47,814 It is safe! 69 00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:52,770 I know about all kinds of people who've had very bad experiences in caravans. 70 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,275 Like who? 71 00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:56,652 Well, Louise. 72 00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,825 She fell out of it, didn't she? 73 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:02,530 Oh, I don't know. I mean, you've gone far too fast with him far too soon. 74 00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,330 You hardly know him. 75 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:09,499 You look like you... you don't trust him. 76 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:11,080 I don't. 77 00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:12,709 Just let him get on with it. 78 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,375 Well, I'd like to know what he's getting on with. 79 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:18,507 - Well, he's packing. - How much of our stuff has he got? 80 00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:23,676 Mum, he hasn't got any of your stuff. Don't be silly. 81 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,936 - All right, uh, toothbrush? - Yeah. 82 00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,562 - And a sponge? - Yeah. 83 00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:33,735 - Umbrella? - Yes. 84 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,402 - Uh, wash bag? - Yes. 85 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,862 - What's that? What's that? - Potpourri. 86 00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,160 And what are you bringing that for? We don't need potpourri. 87 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,660 I don't think I could cope without potpourri, Chris. 88 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:48,117 You're gonna have a woman's touch on this holiday, Chris. 89 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:49,746 Yeah, that's what I'm hoping. 90 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,328 Oh, Chris. Don't look at my bum. 91 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,505 - I'm not looking at your bum. - You are. 92 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:55,503 Just son' of loomed into my vision. 93 00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,506 Milady. 94 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,935 - Bye, Mum. - You'll be back. 95 00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,933 I will, Mum, in a week. 96 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,308 Okay, well, we'll see you then, Carol. 97 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:15,189 I'll bring her back safe, don't you worry. 98 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:18,317 Hey, I understand you collect snow globes. 99 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,899 I don't like you. 100 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,778 Okay, well, see you, then. 101 00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:29,161 Show me your world, Chris. 102 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,334 Well, I thought we'd start with Crich Tram Museum. 103 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,878 - Great. - Murderer. 104 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,082 It was an accident, Mum. 105 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:37,586 So were you. 106 00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,501 Don't listen to her. 107 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,053 ♪ [TAINTED LOVE by Soft Cell] 108 00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:57,983 ♪ Sometimes I feel I've got to run away 109 00:07:58,061 --> 00:08:01,281 ♪ I've got to get away 110 00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:05,532 ♪ From the pain you drive into the heart of me 111 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:11,288 ♪ The love we share seems to go nowhere 112 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:14,961 ♪ And I've lost my light 113 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:19,462 ♪ For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night 114 00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:23,011 ♪ Once I ran to you ♪ I ran 115 00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:26,215 ♪ Now I'll run from you 116 00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:28,846 ♪ This tainted love you've given 117 00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:32,304 ♪ I give you all a boy could give you 118 00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:36,733 ♪ Take my tears and that's not nearly all 119 00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:42,110 ♪ Tainted love 120 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:47,786 ♪ Now I know I've got to run away 121 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,283 ♪ I've got to... 122 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,581 That's, uh, 32.99. 123 00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,246 - Extra strong. - How can you? 124 00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:58,955 Ah, sharpens the mind. 125 00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,507 Poppy loved mints. 126 00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:06,345 - They gave her the runs. - Mint me. 127 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:36,163 Hold tight, please. 128 00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:43,049 So, ladies and gentlemen, this is, um, 129 00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:46,799 one of about 1,200 tram cars of this type, of type E1, 130 00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:50,633 built, um, by London County Council 131 00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:53,594 from about 1912 onwards. 132 00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:57,931 Out of those 1,200 trams, only two have survived. 133 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:03,020 You know, mobility, the key to personal opportunity. 134 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:06,528 It's why I favour the Abbey Oxford as a caravan. 135 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,904 So I'm the captain of me own fate. 136 00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:15,536 Excuse me, you dropped your wrapper. 137 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,205 Your wrapper. 138 00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:30,380 I said, you dropped your wrapper. 139 00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:35,051 You see that? Do you see that? 140 00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:58,416 You just don't expect to see that, do you? 141 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,415 No. He was a pig, Chris. 142 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:05,124 He was a pig in clothes. I don't want this to ruin our holiday. 143 00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:06,750 You expect that of a kid who doesn't know any better. 144 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,255 But that's a bloody grown man. 145 00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,974 He must be, what, 35, something like that? 146 00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:12,606 - Yeah, you don't expect it. - Behaving like that in front of... 147 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,345 - He's setting an example to kids... - I know, it's terrible. 148 00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,768 And we're in a place where there's... It's a bloody heritage place. 149 00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,265 - I know. Shh. I know. - I just cannot... 150 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,766 Maybe you'll feel better if you have a scone. 151 00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:21,181 - No. No. - Do you want a scone? 152 00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:24,108 No! They've not been preserved for hundreds of years 153 00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:25,940 - so that wankers like that... - Shh. Shh. 154 00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:27,103 ...can use them like a bloody toilet! 155 00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,943 Tina Read to the Visitor Information Centre. 156 00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:31,449 Stop telling me to shush. It's putting me on edge. 157 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:34,368 Miss Tina Read, your mother's on the phone. 158 00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:37,952 I'm gonna have to go and see what's wrong. 159 00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,453 Yeah. 160 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,330 Wait here, won't you? 161 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,196 I'm not gonna be able to enjoy the museum if you're in this state. 162 00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:12,031 I'll have to come home, then. 163 00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:16,411 Chris is up there, he's looking at me. I don't... 164 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,989 Well, no! I'm gonna have... 165 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,193 Well, I'm gonna have to come back, Mum, 'cause I can't leave you in this state. 166 00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:35,009 Hey, what's up? Oh, come on, what's up? 167 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:38,092 Hey. What's happened? 168 00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:41,223 What'd she say? We have to go home. 169 00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,767 Why? What, because of her? 170 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:47,400 Blue John mines tomorrow. Pencil Museum. 171 00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,190 I know how much you wanted to see that. 172 00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:54,903 Got some vouchers as well. Two-for-one restaurant deal. 173 00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:58,786 They expire in a week. It's now or never. 174 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:12,269 He just stepped out, Chris, and it wasn't your fault. 175 00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,280 Maybe you're right. 176 00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:20,948 I just feel so devastated for his family, you know? 177 00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:25,623 - Maybe your mother was right. - About what? 178 00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,333 About everything! 179 00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:29,085 About everything. 180 00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:33,749 - Chris... - He's ruined the Tram Museum for me now. 181 00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:47,144 Mint me. 182 00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,772 What? 183 00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:52,480 You heard me. Mint me. 184 00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:35,477 "Dear Mum, I'm not coming home." 185 00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:38,397 "Yorkshire is lovely. Not like you said at all." 186 00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:42,151 "They can smile, and they do sell my pasta sauce." 187 00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:45,870 "The caravan bed is quite short, but Chris is a sensitive lover." 188 00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:49,328 "Hope you can be happy for me. Love, Tina." 189 00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:04,847 Right, well, they've only got two spots left. 190 00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:08,385 One by the Dingley Dell and one by the bogs. 191 00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,554 Um, he's going for Dingley Dell. 192 00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,352 Chris, I want Dingley Dell. 193 00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,016 I'm gonna get this bloody Dingley Dell. 194 00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,944 - Can't we go around it? - Just hold on, I'm gonna do it. 195 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,820 - Go around them. Go around. - We'll make it. 196 00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:21,856 - Go that way. - I will, just wait there, wait... 197 00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:24,026 - Just go around it. - Okay! Hold on. 198 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,569 Oh, Chris! Don't look at them, Chris. 199 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,700 Oh, I just... 200 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,582 Fuck you! 201 00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:39,499 I am the best. Get in. 202 00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:43,340 - Now, see that? - Yes. 203 00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:46,593 Plug that into that little hole over there. Right? 204 00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:48,425 Why? 205 00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,724 You don't need to know why. Just do it. 206 00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,931 - Okay? - The little hole. 207 00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,769 The little hole. 208 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:04,574 Turn it round so that fits in that little bit there. 209 00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,196 - That hole... - No, I wanna do it. 210 00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:09,279 - Okay. - This is a ridiculous plug, this. 211 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:12,282 Never seen anything like it. 212 00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,122 There we go. 213 00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:17,704 - I did it. - Brilliant. 214 00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:20,422 I'll just sort that out. 215 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,763 Chris? 216 00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:29,633 What? 217 00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:31,555 It's a bit eerie, isn't it? 218 00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:33,553 Yeah, I suppose it is, yeah. 219 00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,439 I didn't think it would kill him, did you, Chris? 220 00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,912 Well, there's loads of stuff under a caravan that'll kill you. 221 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,894 I'll have nightmares about that tonight now. 222 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,982 Oh, you're not gonna go under a caravan, are you? 223 00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:47,655 You're gonna be in the driving seat. 224 00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:49,736 In the car, with me. 225 00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,782 Well, not driving. I mean, in the passenger seat. 226 00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:55,746 I'll do the driving. 227 00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:00,087 Bit of a mess, actually. 228 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,007 There we go, good as new. 229 00:18:08,838 --> 00:18:11,261 This is exactly how I imagined it. 230 00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:14,769 There's no one sticking their nose in. 231 00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,346 No one penetrating the mind. 232 00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:21,142 I'll have to sort all of this out all again. 233 00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:24,312 Take the noble English oak, Old Knobbley. 234 00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:27,940 That won't stab you in the back or belittle your five-year plan. 235 00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,867 I mean, where am I supposed to put that? 236 00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:31,531 - That tree won't... - There isn't anywhere. 237 00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:33,495 - There's just no surfaces. - ...steal things that belong to you 238 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:36,203 and put them in another place just to piss you off. 239 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:39,661 That tree won't involve itself in low-level bullying 240 00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:43,293 that means you have to leave work. 241 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,717 I've got a confession to make. 242 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,337 Chris. Not a wheat intolerance? 243 00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:53,679 No. It's, uh, it's not just an erotic odyssey we're on. 244 00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:56,685 Isn't it? 245 00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:59,222 Well, it is. I mean, that's a big part of it, but... 246 00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:01,390 Er, I'm writing a book. 247 00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:02,983 - Are you? - Yeah. 248 00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:05,357 I thought I'd just have a bit of a sabbatical. 249 00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:09,069 You know, a bit of time off work and, you know, find my voice. 250 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,492 But, uh, I've had a bit of a problem with writer's block. 251 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:14,366 You know, been... creative constipation. 252 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:16,076 I hooked up with you at capoeira 253 00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:19,076 and I realised you were exactly what I needed. You know, a muse. 254 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,043 - Am I your muse? - Yeah. 255 00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:24,247 - Chris! - How do you feel about that? 256 00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:25,919 I've never been a muse before. 257 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:30,637 No? I've never had a muse before. It's great. Yeah. 258 00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:32,679 - Thank you. - My pleasure. 259 00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:34,928 What's the book about? 260 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:40,514 Just sort of making inroads into my own mind and taking notes as I go. 261 00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,223 Do you know what I mean? It's fantastic. 262 00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:45,150 I'm really pleased with what I've come up with so far. 263 00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:47,445 - Knock, knock. - Oh, hello. 264 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:48,942 Settled in? 265 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:51,524 Yeah, we have, thanks. Yeah, lovely spot. 266 00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,029 - Not bad, is it? - Yeah. 267 00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:56,283 Just doing my rounds. Sorry about the racket. 268 00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,205 - Yeah. - Festival in the yurt field. 269 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,204 - Who are they? - Uh, well, they're shaman. 270 00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:04,753 They're sort of priests. Shamans. They're from Portsmouth, you know. 271 00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:06,706 - Uh-huh. - It's just a little festival. 272 00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:08,382 Keeps them all happy, doesn't it? You know. 273 00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,177 And how long are they gonna be drumming for? 274 00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:12,219 Well, just this evening. 275 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,047 - Okay? - Thanks a lot, mate. 276 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:16,348 - All the best. - Yeah. 277 00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:18,142 - Bye. - Pleasure. 278 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,142 He seemed nice. 279 00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:26,020 Yurts. 280 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,683 There's a stream down here somewhere. 281 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,497 I need some proper boots, Chris. 282 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,332 Yeah, brought my last girlfriend. 283 00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:50,837 Oh. 284 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:57,056 Yeah, I think this was it. 285 00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:00,218 This is a ditch, Chris. 286 00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:13,231 I thought he said on the phone we'd be at the Dingley Dell. 287 00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:15,658 - I know, darling. - We're right by the loo. 288 00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:18,407 - Well, that'll be handy. - Shall I take some light stuff, darling? 289 00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:21,365 - Yeah, that'd be great. - Sterling Elite 90, isn't it? 290 00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:22,869 Sorry? 291 00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:25,622 Sterling Elite 90. 292 00:21:26,744 --> 00:21:28,166 Yeah. Yes. 293 00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:32,626 How'd you find it on the petrol consumption? 294 00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,215 Uh, not too bad, actually. 295 00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,968 Takes her less fuel to pull than some of the older models. 296 00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:42,302 Yeah, you're probably right, yeah. We use loads of petrol. Don't we, Tina? 297 00:21:42,384 --> 00:21:44,307 Yeah, we love it. 298 00:21:44,386 --> 00:21:49,267 Hey, do you mind if we have a little look inside? Is that all right? 299 00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:50,772 Um... 300 00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:53,070 - I'll only be a second. - A quick look wouldn't hurt. 301 00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:55,147 - Yeah. - Okay. Fine. 302 00:21:55,231 --> 00:21:57,529 We really appreciate it. Be fantastic to have a look in there. 303 00:21:57,608 --> 00:21:59,485 Sorry, do you mind just slipping those off? 304 00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:01,888 - I saw you come out of the toilet block. - Mmm-hmm. 305 00:22:03,906 --> 00:22:07,627 It's beautiful in here. It's just like a hospital. 306 00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:10,375 It's all oak. 307 00:22:11,205 --> 00:22:12,627 What's this, then? 308 00:22:12,706 --> 00:22:14,128 It's a stereo unit. It's a bit delicate. 309 00:22:14,208 --> 00:22:16,836 - Is it? - It's German. German. 310 00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,338 There's no buttons on it. 311 00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:22,265 Well, it's voice-activated. Don't... Sorry... 312 00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:25,015 - Poppy. - You all right, Banjo? 313 00:22:25,094 --> 00:22:26,516 Are you in there? 314 00:22:36,647 --> 00:22:38,866 - Tina? - What? 315 00:22:38,941 --> 00:22:41,490 Have you had all the Senokot? 316 00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:44,952 No. 317 00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:53,502 - Hello. - Hi. My name's Chalid Sulinan. 318 00:22:53,581 --> 00:22:56,505 I work for CACSA, raising money for child soldiers. 319 00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:58,052 No. 320 00:22:59,670 --> 00:23:01,638 Aren't you naughty? 321 00:23:01,714 --> 00:23:04,638 Okay. I have got some... 322 00:23:05,342 --> 00:23:07,060 Poppy. Come on! 323 00:23:09,013 --> 00:23:12,358 She's... She's like that. Come on! Yeah! 324 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,103 You're distracting me now, Poppy. Go on. 325 00:23:22,484 --> 00:23:24,452 Oh, my God! Tina! 326 00:23:25,863 --> 00:23:27,831 Poppy. 327 00:23:28,616 --> 00:23:31,777 Do you mind not opening that one? Sorry, do you mind not opening that one? 328 00:23:32,202 --> 00:23:33,624 God... No! 329 00:23:35,039 --> 00:23:36,882 We don't give him junk food! 330 00:23:43,547 --> 00:23:45,140 Poor boy. 331 00:23:45,215 --> 00:23:47,559 - Cheap crisps are full of horrors. - I know. 332 00:23:47,635 --> 00:23:50,855 It'll be nice when you've decorated it a bit, this place. 333 00:23:50,930 --> 00:23:53,183 Oh, well, we don't like clutter. 334 00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:54,938 No, no, no, you don't want clutter. 335 00:23:55,017 --> 00:24:00,820 You just want some plants and cushions and pictures and a tablecloth there. 336 00:24:00,898 --> 00:24:04,823 Yeah, well, that would be clutter, though, wouldn't it? 337 00:24:11,659 --> 00:24:13,252 I'm really sorry about that. 338 00:24:13,327 --> 00:24:16,171 Sorry, sorry. That's really embarrassing. 339 00:24:16,246 --> 00:24:18,920 - Never mind. - Sorry. I'm so embarrassed. 340 00:24:19,917 --> 00:24:21,385 It's fine. 341 00:24:25,464 --> 00:24:28,843 Uh, you'll have to pop over to Dingley Dell sometime. 342 00:24:29,551 --> 00:24:32,851 But, uh, if the caravan's rockin', don't come a-knockin'. 343 00:24:32,930 --> 00:24:37,231 Ha. Um, we're pretty intent on doing some serious walking. 344 00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:40,529 I'm writing a book. Walks Along the Ley Lines of Britain. 345 00:24:40,604 --> 00:24:43,198 Actually, it's his third, so... 346 00:24:43,273 --> 00:24:45,571 I'm out at the crack of dawn, having a reconnoitre. 347 00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:47,528 Yeah. Are you? 348 00:24:53,742 --> 00:24:55,836 Do you think they liked us? 349 00:24:59,123 --> 00:25:00,545 Ian and Janice. 350 00:25:01,583 --> 00:25:03,005 Chris? 351 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,593 Are you all right? 352 00:25:12,052 --> 00:25:13,804 I didn't like their caravan. 353 00:26:03,395 --> 00:26:06,490 Um, we're pretty intent on doing some serious walking. 354 00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:08,317 - I'm writing a book. - Chris. 355 00:26:08,358 --> 00:26:09,826 Walks Along the Ley Lines of Britain. 356 00:26:09,860 --> 00:26:12,704 - Actually, it's his third. - Are you all right? 357 00:26:13,030 --> 00:26:15,658 We're pretty intent on doing some serious walking. 358 00:26:15,741 --> 00:26:18,870 I'm writing a book. Walks Along the Ley Lines of Britain. 359 00:26:18,994 --> 00:26:21,635 - Actually, it's his third. - Do you think they liked us? 360 00:26:21,663 --> 00:26:23,944 - I'm out at the crack of dawn. - Ian and Janice. 361 00:26:28,337 --> 00:26:30,840 I'm writing a book. 362 00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:36,861 ♪ [SEASON OF THE WITCH by Vanilla Fudge] 363 00:26:36,929 --> 00:26:40,729 ♪ When I look outside my window 364 00:26:43,769 --> 00:26:45,612 Chris. 365 00:26:45,854 --> 00:26:47,356 ♪ What do I see? 366 00:26:47,439 --> 00:26:49,066 Chris! 367 00:26:52,861 --> 00:26:56,115 ♪ And when I look outside my window 368 00:27:00,369 --> 00:27:03,589 ♪ So many different people to be, yeah 369 00:27:07,709 --> 00:27:11,964 ♪ That it's strange 370 00:27:14,299 --> 00:27:18,270 ♪ So strange 371 00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:26,317 ♪ You've got to pick up every stitch 372 00:27:28,564 --> 00:27:33,161 ♪ Two rabbits running in a ditch 373 00:27:36,238 --> 00:27:41,085 ♪ The hippies out to make it rich 374 00:27:42,911 --> 00:27:46,085 ♪ Oh, oh 375 00:27:47,124 --> 00:27:51,925 ♪ Must be the season of the witch 376 00:27:53,505 --> 00:27:59,478 ♪ Must be the season of the witch (CAMERA CLICKING) 377 00:27:59,845 --> 00:28:05,818 ♪ Must be the season of the witch 378 00:28:06,476 --> 00:28:11,949 ♪ Must be the season of the witch 379 00:28:18,322 --> 00:28:19,665 Poppy! 380 00:28:36,882 --> 00:28:38,304 Chris! 381 00:28:55,442 --> 00:28:57,160 My God, what is it? 382 00:28:57,861 --> 00:29:02,037 Shamans. They sacrificed Mr Grant's chickens to the goddess Kali. 383 00:29:04,368 --> 00:29:06,666 Chris, you've got some on you. 384 00:29:07,454 --> 00:29:10,674 Oh, sorry, yeah. No, I'll get cleaned up in a minute. 385 00:29:10,791 --> 00:29:13,544 Hey, Blue John Cavern opens in 45 minutes. 386 00:29:14,169 --> 00:29:16,547 I was thinking we should give another campsite a go tonight. 387 00:29:16,672 --> 00:29:18,219 This one's gone downhill. 388 00:29:30,894 --> 00:29:33,147 So how many chickens have you got? 389 00:29:34,022 --> 00:29:36,866 Now I've only got nine, but I had twelve. 390 00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:40,074 Barbara, Margot... 391 00:29:41,655 --> 00:29:44,704 and the cockerel... Ronnie Wood. 392 00:29:44,741 --> 00:29:46,209 Ian! 393 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:51,548 Ian! 394 00:29:52,416 --> 00:29:55,545 We might be able to fit in, uh, Fountains Abbey. 395 00:30:00,173 --> 00:30:02,722 Banjo! What's wrong? 396 00:30:03,510 --> 00:30:04,887 Where's your mummy? 397 00:30:05,512 --> 00:30:08,265 What's happened? Eh? 398 00:30:09,099 --> 00:30:10,567 Chris, look. 399 00:30:12,602 --> 00:30:14,070 What's that? 400 00:30:14,938 --> 00:30:17,441 Banjo says his mummy's a mean, horrible bitch 401 00:30:17,566 --> 00:30:19,113 and he wants to come with us. 402 00:30:19,735 --> 00:30:22,739 Oh, I don't think that would be fair on Ian and Janice. 403 00:30:22,779 --> 00:30:26,283 Banjo? We don't care about being fair, do we? 404 00:30:26,908 --> 00:30:30,629 No. We just care about being happy. 405 00:30:31,246 --> 00:30:33,624 Bloody things I do for you, love. 406 00:30:38,128 --> 00:30:39,596 There we go. 407 00:30:41,923 --> 00:30:43,300 Stay! 408 00:30:47,095 --> 00:30:49,097 Say one fucking word and it's... 409 00:30:52,934 --> 00:30:56,814 Go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, Chris. Go, go. Go. Go. 410 00:30:57,731 --> 00:30:59,574 Oh, no, Chris, it's Janice. 411 00:30:59,608 --> 00:31:03,283 No. Banjo, down. Down, Banjo. 412 00:31:03,403 --> 00:31:04,825 Ian! 413 00:31:06,615 --> 00:31:07,992 Ian! 414 00:32:05,173 --> 00:32:06,595 Chris? 415 00:32:06,925 --> 00:32:08,347 Chris. 416 00:32:08,468 --> 00:32:10,141 You getting anything? 417 00:32:10,178 --> 00:32:12,351 You getting any inspiration? 418 00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:19,859 - Chris. - Hang on. 419 00:32:19,938 --> 00:32:22,657 - Chris. Chris. - Shut up, will you? 420 00:32:22,691 --> 00:32:24,284 Taste that. 421 00:32:24,359 --> 00:32:26,111 If you haven't started the book yet, 422 00:32:26,194 --> 00:32:29,494 then you might as well write it about something else. 423 00:32:29,531 --> 00:32:31,329 - Fuck! - What? 424 00:32:31,366 --> 00:32:33,664 - Fuck, fuck, fuck. - What is it? 425 00:32:34,870 --> 00:32:38,374 Every time I think I've found my oeuvre, someone shits on it. 426 00:32:38,457 --> 00:32:40,209 Well, I wouldn't shit on you, Chris. 427 00:32:40,292 --> 00:32:41,635 Not unless you asked me to. 428 00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:44,384 Everyone else seems to find it so easy to express themselves. 429 00:32:44,504 --> 00:32:46,381 I mean, even you've got your knitting, haven't you? 430 00:32:46,465 --> 00:32:49,969 But the thing is, Chris, I'm your muse now. 431 00:32:50,051 --> 00:32:51,974 And we've got Banjo. 432 00:32:52,053 --> 00:32:55,398 So everything will be perfect. You just need to be a bit more patient. 433 00:32:56,016 --> 00:32:59,987 - There's something in me, Tina. - I'll help you squeeze it out. 434 00:33:00,854 --> 00:33:02,614 - Choose anything you like, love. - Anything? 435 00:33:02,689 --> 00:33:05,408 Anything you like, as long as it's under 10 quid. 436 00:33:05,484 --> 00:33:06,906 How much is that? 437 00:33:09,321 --> 00:33:12,040 - 60 quid. - No, you can't have that. 438 00:33:12,073 --> 00:33:13,746 I need walking boots, don't I? 439 00:33:13,825 --> 00:33:16,248 Well, we'll get the walking boots as well. 440 00:33:16,328 --> 00:33:18,581 You want a good tread. 441 00:33:19,664 --> 00:33:21,086 Okay. 442 00:33:21,583 --> 00:33:24,883 - You heard about the man, didn't you? - No. 443 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:28,345 He slipped on the crag and went off the cliff yesterday. 444 00:33:28,423 --> 00:33:31,393 - Did you not hear about that? - No! Did he hurt himself? 445 00:33:31,426 --> 00:33:33,929 Head smashed like a pumpkin. 446 00:33:35,430 --> 00:33:37,853 That's why I'd never have stone flooring. 447 00:33:37,933 --> 00:33:40,106 Although I do love that French farmhouse look. 448 00:33:40,185 --> 00:33:41,607 Yeah, it's terrible, isn't it, 449 00:33:41,686 --> 00:33:43,847 when people don't have respect for the power of nature? 450 00:33:43,855 --> 00:33:45,448 Can't find his dog. 451 00:33:45,524 --> 00:33:48,744 Well, it probably committed suicide. Dogs will do that. 452 00:33:48,777 --> 00:33:52,452 Tina, why don't you try these? Look. Give them a go. 453 00:33:54,241 --> 00:33:56,539 Oh, Chris. - Eh? Why not? 454 00:34:39,494 --> 00:34:43,169 I've got some sad news. It's about your father. 455 00:34:43,248 --> 00:34:44,670 He's dead. 456 00:34:54,092 --> 00:34:57,437 Hey. Don't dwell on it. 457 00:35:04,894 --> 00:35:06,988 - How'd it go? - I had a word. 458 00:35:07,564 --> 00:35:08,986 How'd he take it? 459 00:35:09,065 --> 00:35:10,988 Well, he's all right. He's a bit shaken but... 460 00:35:11,067 --> 00:35:13,570 - Is he? - Come on. Come on. 461 00:35:14,029 --> 00:35:17,704 This was a 13th-century ruin founded by monks. 462 00:35:18,325 --> 00:35:22,580 Yeah, maybe I should do an abbot detective story or something. 463 00:35:23,079 --> 00:35:25,423 What do you think happened to Ian, Chris? 464 00:35:26,583 --> 00:35:28,210 - Chris? - Huh? 465 00:35:28,293 --> 00:35:29,840 Chris. 466 00:35:30,503 --> 00:35:32,551 - What do you think happened to Ian? - What? 467 00:35:36,551 --> 00:35:38,849 Do you think Banjo had something to do with it? 468 00:35:40,639 --> 00:35:43,768 Well, yeah, he's probably capable. He's an animal, isn't he? 469 00:35:43,850 --> 00:35:47,980 Do you think he might have pushed him? 'Cause he was an abused dog. 470 00:35:50,398 --> 00:35:53,026 There might be, uh, blood on the paws of that dog, 471 00:35:53,109 --> 00:35:56,329 but it's smug complacency that killed Ian, I tell you that. 472 00:35:57,489 --> 00:36:00,038 Janice looked frigid as well, didn't she? 473 00:36:09,584 --> 00:36:11,632 Chris, look, it's coming out. 474 00:36:15,799 --> 00:36:17,517 I'm a monk. 475 00:36:20,512 --> 00:36:23,186 Well, who's this little chap? Let's have a look. 476 00:36:23,264 --> 00:36:24,686 Oh, Poppy. 477 00:36:24,766 --> 00:36:27,736 Oh, you're sweet, aren't you? 478 00:36:27,811 --> 00:36:29,404 This is Barney. Barney, come and say hello. 479 00:36:29,479 --> 00:36:31,119 - Barney. - Come and say hello. 480 00:36:31,189 --> 00:36:32,736 Say hello to Barney. 481 00:36:32,816 --> 00:36:36,946 - Aw! They love each other. Don't they? - Well, they're a bit shy. 482 00:36:37,028 --> 00:36:40,703 Yeah, well, often it's like that when it's love at first sight. 483 00:36:40,782 --> 00:36:42,375 - Isn't it, Chris? - What? 484 00:36:42,450 --> 00:36:45,091 - It's like you and me when we met. - They're not fighting, anyway. 485 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,669 - Speechless. Yeah, speechless. - Speechless, yeah. 486 00:36:48,206 --> 00:36:51,426 Look at that graffiti there. "Rob loves Kerry." 487 00:37:00,593 --> 00:37:03,062 My husband's researching for his book. 488 00:37:03,138 --> 00:37:04,560 Oh, really? 489 00:37:05,140 --> 00:37:06,983 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I am, yeah. 490 00:37:07,058 --> 00:37:08,685 Actually, it's his third. 491 00:37:08,768 --> 00:37:10,896 You've certainly picked an interesting spot. 492 00:37:10,979 --> 00:37:12,652 Are you staying nearby? 493 00:37:12,731 --> 00:37:14,153 Well, actually we're mobile. 494 00:37:24,576 --> 00:37:27,625 Oh, God, Chris, this is just how I imagined it. 495 00:38:03,990 --> 00:38:05,958 For Christ's sake! 496 00:38:06,618 --> 00:38:08,336 - Get off! - What did I do? 497 00:38:08,411 --> 00:38:10,084 Not you. Bloody Banjo. 498 00:38:10,163 --> 00:38:11,631 Poppy! 499 00:38:11,706 --> 00:38:13,629 He's a fuckin' pervert. 500 00:38:18,254 --> 00:38:22,509 Get in there. Get in there. Go on, Banjo. Get in the bloody car. 501 00:38:55,834 --> 00:38:57,256 Chris? 502 00:38:59,921 --> 00:39:01,343 Come on. 503 00:39:08,638 --> 00:39:10,857 - I can fly! - Whoa! 504 00:39:11,474 --> 00:39:13,272 I can fly, Chris. 505 00:39:13,977 --> 00:39:15,650 - Whoo! - Whoo-whoo! 506 00:39:20,066 --> 00:39:23,445 Chris? Which button do I press? 507 00:39:24,487 --> 00:39:26,615 Oh, it's okay, I've done it. 508 00:39:27,490 --> 00:39:29,288 Yeah, Poppy! 509 00:39:32,954 --> 00:39:35,082 Chris, there's quite a nice one of you here. 510 00:39:35,665 --> 00:39:37,087 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 511 00:39:38,209 --> 00:39:39,802 Whoo! 512 00:39:40,253 --> 00:39:43,006 Chris, these are a bit saucy, these ones. 513 00:39:55,518 --> 00:39:57,987 This is not my vagina! 514 00:39:58,688 --> 00:40:01,111 This is not my vagina! 515 00:40:01,816 --> 00:40:03,238 I don't know what you mean. 516 00:40:03,318 --> 00:40:05,537 Janice doesn't look very frigid to me, Chris! 517 00:40:06,613 --> 00:40:09,492 In fact, she looks like a very happy girl. 518 00:40:10,199 --> 00:40:11,621 No, that's... 519 00:40:11,701 --> 00:40:14,671 No wonder, when you look at Ian. 520 00:40:14,746 --> 00:40:17,920 That's not Ian. That's me, that. 521 00:40:17,999 --> 00:40:20,502 Were you shagging Janice? 522 00:40:21,002 --> 00:40:23,562 - What are you talking about? - Were you shagging Ian? 523 00:40:23,630 --> 00:40:25,883 - Don't be stupid. - Were you shagging both of them? 524 00:40:25,965 --> 00:40:27,967 - Ah, come on. - Are you gay? 525 00:40:28,051 --> 00:40:31,430 - What? You know I'm not gay. - Why are they at a wedding? 526 00:40:31,512 --> 00:40:32,559 What wedding? 527 00:40:32,639 --> 00:40:36,018 Did you go to a wedding with Ian and Janice, Chris? 528 00:40:36,100 --> 00:40:37,977 - I didn't. - Was... 529 00:40:42,565 --> 00:40:44,158 What's going on here? 530 00:40:44,233 --> 00:40:45,906 I wouldn't look. Don't. 531 00:40:47,987 --> 00:40:49,614 Did you kill Ian? 532 00:40:52,492 --> 00:40:54,460 Yeah. Well, I mean... 533 00:40:55,995 --> 00:40:57,713 Why'd you do that? 534 00:40:58,539 --> 00:41:01,133 I didn't mean to. It was just an accident. 535 00:41:02,377 --> 00:41:04,220 And that just happened. 536 00:41:04,295 --> 00:41:06,389 Can't do things like that. 537 00:41:07,924 --> 00:41:10,222 It's gonna ruin the holiday. 538 00:41:10,259 --> 00:41:12,637 I just did... I did that for you. 539 00:41:26,401 --> 00:41:29,075 The council had fought an injunction 540 00:41:29,153 --> 00:41:32,248 to remove Mr Andrews and begun proceedings to evict him. 541 00:41:32,281 --> 00:41:34,283 The house has been condemned, as it was erected 542 00:41:34,409 --> 00:41:36,912 without proper planning permission. 543 00:41:37,662 --> 00:41:39,505 Police now think that Ian Worthing, 544 00:41:39,580 --> 00:41:42,424 whose body was found at the base of a Yorkshire crag yesterday, 545 00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:46,596 could have killed himself because of mounting financial pressures. 546 00:41:48,089 --> 00:41:50,683 - Oh! Buy you a drink? - Yeah. 547 00:41:50,758 --> 00:41:52,931 - No wife? - No, no, she's, uh... 548 00:41:53,011 --> 00:41:54,763 she's back at the, uh, caravan tonight. 549 00:41:54,804 --> 00:41:56,272 - Oh? - Yeah. Yeah. 550 00:41:56,305 --> 00:41:58,774 - Yeah, so's Joan. - Is she? Yeah, yeah. 551 00:41:58,850 --> 00:42:01,478 We both said what a nice couple we thought you were. 552 00:42:01,602 --> 00:42:04,276 Oh, did you? Oh, that's very nice. Cheers, yeah. 553 00:42:05,106 --> 00:42:06,983 Yeah, no, I love her. Yeah. 554 00:42:08,609 --> 00:42:10,361 Yeah, we're in love. 555 00:42:11,779 --> 00:42:13,372 Yeah, I love her. 556 00:42:26,961 --> 00:42:32,218 Hi, Chris, it's me. It's... It's Tina. I'm just, um... 557 00:42:32,884 --> 00:42:35,137 I'm just having fun in the caravan. 558 00:42:35,219 --> 00:42:36,641 Um... 559 00:42:37,305 --> 00:42:40,058 I'm just wondering where you are. 560 00:42:41,350 --> 00:42:45,821 It's very cosy, and I've made some dinner. 561 00:42:47,315 --> 00:42:48,692 Come back? 562 00:43:08,586 --> 00:43:11,009 Ooh, steady. Are you okay? 563 00:43:11,089 --> 00:43:12,511 Yeah. 564 00:43:12,590 --> 00:43:14,513 Got a bit carried away. 565 00:43:15,927 --> 00:43:19,272 - I'll get the car in the morning. - Come on. There you go. 566 00:43:19,931 --> 00:43:22,901 - Thanks for bringing him back, Richard. - Oh, pleasure. 567 00:43:23,017 --> 00:43:24,769 - You take it easy. - You're a legend, mate. 568 00:43:24,852 --> 00:43:26,695 Good luck with the ley lines. 569 00:43:26,729 --> 00:43:28,527 Yeah. See you, mate. 570 00:43:32,860 --> 00:43:36,364 Oh, I think I've got a ley line running through my head. 571 00:43:38,282 --> 00:43:39,802 I thought you'd gone. 572 00:44:08,020 --> 00:44:11,194 Chris, Poppy's stopping. 573 00:44:11,941 --> 00:44:14,069 Poppy's stopping, Chris. 574 00:44:15,194 --> 00:44:17,196 Yeah, good girl. 575 00:44:17,238 --> 00:44:19,115 Aw! You having a little poo? Well done. 576 00:44:19,240 --> 00:44:22,710 Excuse me. You are going to pick that up? 577 00:44:22,743 --> 00:44:24,370 Well, I haven't, I've... Chris? 578 00:44:24,412 --> 00:44:27,757 This is a site of natural beauty and geographical interest. 579 00:44:27,874 --> 00:44:30,252 I think you need to sort that out. 580 00:44:30,793 --> 00:44:33,888 - I didn't do that. - Uh, you need to pick it up. 581 00:44:34,088 --> 00:44:37,137 - I can't... Well, I can't. - Why? Why can't you? 582 00:44:37,550 --> 00:44:39,590 Well, I haven't got the proper things to do it with. 583 00:44:39,594 --> 00:44:42,222 Why didn't you bring the proper things with you if you're out with your dog? 584 00:44:42,263 --> 00:44:43,981 Well, I did bring the proper things... 585 00:44:44,098 --> 00:44:46,100 ...but I'm not having a very good day. 586 00:44:46,142 --> 00:44:47,610 - Good morning. - Chris. 587 00:44:47,643 --> 00:44:50,613 - Good morning. - He's told me I've got to pick that up 588 00:44:50,646 --> 00:44:52,944 - with my fingers. - Well, a dog does a shit. 589 00:44:53,065 --> 00:44:54,825 You know, you can't do much about that, mate. 590 00:44:54,942 --> 00:44:56,660 You can pick it up and you take it away with you. 591 00:44:56,777 --> 00:44:59,280 Well, I would have the bags, but they're in the bloody car 592 00:44:59,322 --> 00:45:02,326 that you've left, drunk, outside some pub that we can't... 593 00:45:02,450 --> 00:45:04,669 - We don't even know where the pub is. - Tina, I know where the car is. 594 00:45:04,785 --> 00:45:06,332 - No, you don't. - I do. I know where it is. 595 00:45:06,454 --> 00:45:08,627 - We are lost, Chris! Lost! - I know where it is. 596 00:45:08,748 --> 00:45:10,466 - I know... Look, Tina. - You don't. 597 00:45:10,499 --> 00:45:12,843 Look, I'm sorry, but if you don't pick up this excrement immediately, 598 00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:14,633 then I'm gonna have to inform the National Trust. 599 00:45:14,670 --> 00:45:17,110 Actually, do you know what? I don't think you are sorry, mate. 600 00:45:17,131 --> 00:45:18,804 I don't think you're sorry, either. 601 00:45:18,841 --> 00:45:20,468 - Did he touch you? - What? 602 00:45:21,302 --> 00:45:23,805 - Don't know. Wasn't concentrating. - Have a think. 603 00:45:26,599 --> 00:45:28,693 Can you remember everything? 604 00:45:28,851 --> 00:45:31,274 Uh, yes. Yes, he did touch me. 605 00:45:31,312 --> 00:45:34,486 - Oh... This is preposterous! - What else did he do? 606 00:45:35,149 --> 00:45:38,119 He, urn... - Details. 607 00:45:38,152 --> 00:45:42,783 ...tried to put Poppy's bails in his mouth. 608 00:45:43,115 --> 00:45:46,494 - Did you go to a private school? - That is totally irrelevant, but yes. 609 00:45:46,535 --> 00:45:48,879 Yeah, I thought so. It's the tone. It's the entitlement you got... 610 00:45:48,996 --> 00:45:50,373 I'm entitled to walk in the countryside... 611 00:45:50,498 --> 00:45:52,045 - Yeah, you're superior. - ...without having to encounter 612 00:45:52,166 --> 00:45:53,668 - dog excrement. - You're not entitled 613 00:45:53,709 --> 00:45:55,882 - to be a bloody bully, mate... - Put your stick down, for starters. 614 00:45:56,003 --> 00:45:57,676 - ...bullying my girlfriend. - Leave the turd where it is. 615 00:45:57,713 --> 00:45:59,181 I will point this stick at you! 616 00:45:59,215 --> 00:46:00,683 They still think it's their country, don't they? 617 00:46:00,716 --> 00:46:02,684 It should be for people that at least respect the countryside. 618 00:46:02,718 --> 00:46:04,220 See how far his A level in Classics gets him 619 00:46:04,345 --> 00:46:06,665 - when China owns the whole of the UK. - People like you... 620 00:46:09,684 --> 00:46:13,860 "And did those feet in ancient time" 621 00:46:14,397 --> 00:46:18,197 "Walk upon England's mountains green" 622 00:46:19,026 --> 00:46:22,371 "And was the holy Lamb of God" 623 00:46:22,488 --> 00:46:26,038 "On England's pleasant pastures seen" 624 00:46:27,076 --> 00:46:29,750 "And did the countenance divine" 625 00:46:29,870 --> 00:46:33,716 "Shine forth upon our clouded hills" 626 00:46:34,709 --> 00:46:38,384 "And was Jerusalem builded here" 627 00:46:38,421 --> 00:46:41,174 "Among these dark satanic..." 628 00:46:43,718 --> 00:46:45,686 Report that to the National Trust, mate. 629 00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:52,943 You know, 300 years ago 630 00:46:53,060 --> 00:46:56,735 his ancestor would have strode down a path just like this, you know, 631 00:46:56,856 --> 00:46:59,537 and he'd have seen some common strumpet like you and he'd have gone, 632 00:46:59,567 --> 00:47:01,069 "I'm gonna have a bit of that." 633 00:47:01,402 --> 00:47:04,030 And I'd have had to have stood by and watched him. 634 00:47:04,071 --> 00:47:07,746 'Cause I'd have been a serf and he'd have been the bloody lord of the manor. 635 00:47:07,867 --> 00:47:10,086 And they call them "the good old days". 636 00:47:10,161 --> 00:47:11,708 I suppose. 637 00:47:13,205 --> 00:47:16,709 If you look at it that way, you were defending my honour. 638 00:47:17,335 --> 00:47:20,509 Oh, don't thank me, thank the democratic process. 639 00:47:24,258 --> 00:47:27,888 Never thought about murdering innocent people like that before. 640 00:47:27,928 --> 00:47:31,398 Ah, he's not a person, Tina, he's a Daily Mail reader. 641 00:47:31,932 --> 00:47:35,027 Perspective. Grab it with both hands, it's free. 642 00:47:35,895 --> 00:47:38,193 See if he's got any sandwiches. 643 00:47:42,526 --> 00:47:43,948 Oh, thank Christ. 644 00:47:45,863 --> 00:47:47,615 Fucking hell. 645 00:47:51,285 --> 00:47:53,583 I know, get your notebook out. 646 00:47:54,538 --> 00:47:56,290 - Huh? - Get your notebook out. 647 00:47:57,375 --> 00:47:58,797 Come on, write down your ideas. 648 00:47:58,876 --> 00:48:02,926 Just write down what's happened and all your feelings and stuff like that. 649 00:48:02,963 --> 00:48:04,636 - Yeah? - Mmm! 650 00:48:04,715 --> 00:48:06,638 - All right. - Go on, get it down. 651 00:48:06,759 --> 00:48:08,261 Oh, my God, Chris. 652 00:48:09,136 --> 00:48:10,763 I'm musing. 653 00:48:11,722 --> 00:48:15,647 I'm musing right now. Do you feel it? 654 00:48:18,229 --> 00:48:20,152 My God, I feel amazing. 655 00:48:20,898 --> 00:48:23,151 Christ, that was hard. 656 00:48:23,234 --> 00:48:25,828 I don't think I'll get anything more out today. 657 00:48:25,903 --> 00:48:28,656 I think you've found your oeuvre, Chris. 658 00:48:31,826 --> 00:48:33,624 You're not gonna tell, are you? 659 00:48:35,955 --> 00:48:37,332 No. 660 00:48:45,506 --> 00:48:47,349 What are you looking at me like that for? 661 00:48:48,050 --> 00:48:50,394 This will put 'em off the scent. 662 00:48:52,471 --> 00:48:53,848 Come on, give us a hand. 663 00:49:37,183 --> 00:49:39,402 Mother Shipton's Cave! 664 00:49:48,027 --> 00:49:51,201 If you could wish for anything, what would it be? 665 00:49:51,780 --> 00:49:54,875 Well, if I tell you, Chris, it won't come true. 666 00:49:55,910 --> 00:49:57,958 I just wanna be feared and respected. 667 00:49:58,913 --> 00:50:00,586 It's not too much to ask from life, is it? 668 00:50:13,469 --> 00:50:15,597 Can't look at that any more. 669 00:50:17,806 --> 00:50:21,310 The man found dead yesterday at the Kimberly Stone Circle 670 00:50:21,435 --> 00:50:24,439 has been identified as Anthony Breal. 671 00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:27,154 Police are treating the death as suspicious 672 00:50:27,274 --> 00:50:30,323 and are looking for a culprit that they are describing 673 00:50:30,444 --> 00:50:33,118 as a dangerous sexual predator. 674 00:51:36,343 --> 00:51:39,688 Now be good, because Mummy and Daddy are going out. 675 00:51:40,681 --> 00:51:42,683 What do you think of this? 676 00:51:42,766 --> 00:51:47,021 Ah, that is very nice. Very nice indeed. 677 00:51:48,188 --> 00:51:50,282 Hey, turn round. Turn round. 678 00:51:50,691 --> 00:51:52,113 Why? 679 00:51:57,364 --> 00:51:59,082 - There you go. - Ooh! 680 00:51:59,199 --> 00:52:01,201 - What do you think? Eh? - It's an owl. 681 00:52:01,243 --> 00:52:02,711 It's nice, innit? 682 00:52:08,751 --> 00:52:10,219 Excuse me. 683 00:52:12,379 --> 00:52:13,756 Sorry, mate. 684 00:52:13,881 --> 00:52:16,725 Guys! Dinner in five minutes! 685 00:52:46,747 --> 00:52:49,626 All right, mate? Not seen one of these before. 686 00:52:49,750 --> 00:52:51,297 It's a prototype. 687 00:52:51,418 --> 00:52:53,967 Yeah, all the things that... You know, all your practical stuff, 688 00:52:54,088 --> 00:52:55,931 you keep down at the end by your feet. 689 00:52:55,964 --> 00:52:57,682 Do you? Is that where you've got your toolbox and stuff? 690 00:52:57,758 --> 00:53:00,511 Yeah, yeah, I keep it down there, like our wind-up torch and that, 691 00:53:00,594 --> 00:53:02,437 - and, uh, my stove. - Yeah? 692 00:53:02,471 --> 00:53:03,939 Chris! 693 00:53:04,682 --> 00:53:06,104 I'm ready! 694 00:53:06,183 --> 00:53:09,403 ...glass fibre epoxy struts, as used in spacecraft extendable masts. 695 00:53:09,478 --> 00:53:10,900 - Yeah? - Yeah. 696 00:53:10,979 --> 00:53:12,856 - I'm Chris, by the way. - I'm Martin. Nice to meet you. 697 00:53:12,940 --> 00:53:14,692 - Yeah, nice to meet you. Yeah. - Yeah, you. 698 00:53:14,775 --> 00:53:16,743 - Yeah, I was in plastics. - Was ya? 699 00:53:16,819 --> 00:53:18,366 Yeah, extrusion blow moulding. 700 00:53:18,445 --> 00:53:20,365 No. Cor, they're given an hard time, ain't they? 701 00:53:20,406 --> 00:53:22,704 But, here, let's face it, they're here to stay, mate. 702 00:53:22,783 --> 00:53:24,251 Yeah, preaching to the choir, mate. 703 00:53:24,326 --> 00:53:26,749 Right, yeah, yeah. Nice one. Yeah. 704 00:53:27,496 --> 00:53:29,498 It looks like an alien's coffin. 705 00:53:29,581 --> 00:53:32,630 I call it the Carapod. You know, what with the ground displacement 706 00:53:32,710 --> 00:53:35,008 of persons due to the instability of geopolitics, 707 00:53:35,087 --> 00:53:39,092 I'm hoping that this will become a whole new way of living for economic migrants. 708 00:53:39,174 --> 00:53:41,643 We're trying a whole new way of living. Aren't we, Chris? 709 00:53:41,719 --> 00:53:43,439 - Oh, are you? - Tina hasn't travelled much. 710 00:53:43,470 --> 00:53:47,475 Right, right, yeah. I hear you. Hey, uh, you back later for a beer? 711 00:53:47,558 --> 00:53:49,151 Oh, I don't really drink much but, um, 712 00:53:49,226 --> 00:53:50,694 always up for a bit of smoke, if you know what I mean. 713 00:53:50,769 --> 00:53:52,362 - Oh, yeah. Yeah, great. - Yeah? Great. 714 00:53:52,438 --> 00:53:53,860 - Nice one. - Cheers, Martin. 715 00:53:53,939 --> 00:53:55,361 - Cheers. Chris? - Yeah. 716 00:53:55,441 --> 00:53:56,909 Yeah. Take care. 717 00:53:59,153 --> 00:54:00,746 Right. 718 00:54:14,168 --> 00:54:17,138 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! One in the pink, 719 00:54:17,254 --> 00:54:18,722 - one on the sink! - One on the sink! 720 00:54:18,797 --> 00:54:21,175 - It's crazy, this. - Thank you. 721 00:54:21,258 --> 00:54:22,931 Madam. 722 00:54:23,385 --> 00:54:26,104 Thank you very much. Uh, can I just ask you, actually, 723 00:54:26,180 --> 00:54:28,182 I've got this, er... I've got this voucher 724 00:54:28,265 --> 00:54:30,393 - that I picked up about a week ago. - Oh, right. 725 00:54:31,477 --> 00:54:35,482 Hey, that dress looks a lot better on you than it did on your mother. 726 00:54:37,941 --> 00:54:40,490 I haven't got any knickers on. 727 00:54:44,198 --> 00:54:46,951 Oh, dear, it looks like your knife's fallen off the table. 728 00:54:48,160 --> 00:54:50,709 I'll just have to go and pick it up. 729 00:54:51,455 --> 00:54:53,878 I might be five minutes or so. 730 00:55:02,841 --> 00:55:04,559 Can't see anything. 731 00:55:06,220 --> 00:55:07,972 Well, I'm wearing tights. 732 00:55:08,055 --> 00:55:10,023 You know all that stuff that's been happening, you know... 733 00:55:10,098 --> 00:55:11,771 It's all right, Chris. 734 00:55:11,850 --> 00:55:15,946 It's all right, because I understand you. 735 00:55:16,855 --> 00:55:18,528 - And I know you... - Do you? 736 00:55:18,607 --> 00:55:23,158 ...and I get it, 'cause it's just about personal empowerment, isn't it? 737 00:55:23,237 --> 00:55:27,413 It's just expressing yourself and thinking outside the box. 738 00:55:27,491 --> 00:55:31,621 And I've been in a box. I don't wanna go back to the box, Chris. 739 00:55:32,704 --> 00:55:35,082 I'd rather die. Do you know that? 740 00:55:35,749 --> 00:55:37,171 You'd rather die? 741 00:55:37,584 --> 00:55:42,055 Yeah. How romantic would that be? If we both just died together. 742 00:55:42,130 --> 00:55:46,681 Well, I mean, going to salsa's romantic. We could maybe try that first. 743 00:55:46,885 --> 00:55:50,014 What you're doing is you're giving to the world. 744 00:55:50,389 --> 00:55:52,232 Take carbon footprints. 745 00:55:52,391 --> 00:55:55,895 By reducing people's lifespans, 746 00:55:55,978 --> 00:55:58,481 technically, you're reducing their emissions. 747 00:56:00,858 --> 00:56:04,783 What, so you're saying that... murder is green? 748 00:56:07,072 --> 00:56:09,996 Hmm, I hadn't thought of it like that. Thanks. 749 00:56:16,248 --> 00:56:18,922 - This beard turns me on, Chris. - I love it when you do that. 750 00:56:20,836 --> 00:56:23,385 - Ginger-minger! 751 00:56:26,383 --> 00:56:28,511 What's the favourite thing I like to do? 752 00:56:28,594 --> 00:56:30,688 Yeah. With me. 753 00:56:31,305 --> 00:56:33,185 Oh, well, that's obvious, innit? 754 00:56:33,265 --> 00:56:35,609 Put the bins out. 755 00:56:36,810 --> 00:56:41,236 I like to put the bins out... in my pants and then have you come over 756 00:56:41,940 --> 00:56:44,363 and rub bin juice all over me leg. 757 00:56:44,443 --> 00:56:46,411 What's bin juice? 758 00:56:46,486 --> 00:56:48,079 You know, that bit that you get at the bottom of the bin 759 00:56:48,155 --> 00:56:49,875 - when all that stuff drips out. - Oh, yeah. 760 00:56:51,491 --> 00:56:53,131 - That was Dave! - Wasn't his real name... 761 00:57:04,087 --> 00:57:05,589 Don't be sick. 762 00:57:06,632 --> 00:57:08,054 You Okay? 763 00:57:24,441 --> 00:57:26,819 Nine, eight, seven, 764 00:57:27,402 --> 00:57:32,374 six, five, four, three, two, one! 765 00:57:38,205 --> 00:57:39,798 Do you wanna have sex with all us? 766 00:57:42,876 --> 00:57:45,004 Ooh! It's just a bit of fun. 767 00:57:46,838 --> 00:57:49,307 Get off, that's enough. That's enough. 768 00:57:50,008 --> 00:57:52,010 Getting married, are you? 769 00:57:52,344 --> 00:57:53,721 - Yeah. - Are you? 770 00:57:53,845 --> 00:57:55,222 I am. Aren't we? 771 00:57:57,307 --> 00:57:59,685 What would your fiancé think of this, then, eh? 772 00:57:59,726 --> 00:58:01,228 He'd love it. 773 00:58:04,398 --> 00:58:06,196 - I'm gonna go and pay the bill now. - No, let me pay. 774 00:58:06,233 --> 00:58:07,906 Sit down! Sit! 775 00:58:08,652 --> 00:58:10,074 Stay! 776 00:58:17,744 --> 00:58:19,917 In a minute! 777 00:58:29,172 --> 00:58:31,595 ♪ [SEASON OF THE WITCH by Julie Driscoll] 778 00:58:32,426 --> 00:58:36,932 ♪ When I look over my shoulder 779 00:58:38,682 --> 00:58:41,231 ♪ What do you think I see? 780 00:58:42,769 --> 00:58:45,943 ♪ Some other cat looking over 781 00:58:47,899 --> 00:58:50,197 ♪ His shoulder at me 782 00:58:52,946 --> 00:58:55,950 ♪ And he's strange 783 00:58:57,451 --> 00:59:01,081 ♪ Oh, he's very, very strange (ALL CHEERING) 784 00:59:02,581 --> 00:59:05,926 ♪ You've gotta pick up every stitch 785 00:59:07,961 --> 00:59:10,430 ♪ You've gotta pick up every stitch - I like your veil. 786 00:59:14,801 --> 00:59:18,647 Nine, eight, seven, six, 787 00:59:18,764 --> 00:59:22,644 five, four, three, two, one! 788 00:59:24,728 --> 00:59:26,822 ♪ Must be the season of the witch 789 00:59:28,065 --> 00:59:29,487 (SIGHS) 790 00:59:29,566 --> 00:59:32,240 ♪ Must be the season of the witch 791 00:59:59,971 --> 01:00:01,644 I'd never do that. 792 01:00:04,142 --> 01:00:05,519 Do what? 793 01:00:05,644 --> 01:00:07,021 Chailey! 794 01:00:07,479 --> 01:00:08,856 Chailey Morris! 795 01:00:09,356 --> 01:00:10,733 Chailey! 796 01:00:11,691 --> 01:00:13,318 - Chailey! - Chailey! 797 01:00:15,237 --> 01:00:17,205 She's not texting back. 798 01:00:18,573 --> 01:00:20,200 - Chailey! - Chailey! 799 01:01:13,086 --> 01:01:16,215 Oh, for Christ's sake, Banjo, you've pissed the bed. 800 01:01:16,756 --> 01:01:19,305 Poppy. - Disgusting. 801 01:01:36,943 --> 01:01:38,411 Where's that necklace? 802 01:01:39,070 --> 01:01:41,949 I'm sure I had it when we got back from the restaurant. 803 01:01:42,490 --> 01:01:43,958 Well, that's what happens when you go off schedule. 804 01:01:44,451 --> 01:01:46,294 Chris, are we going to the Pencil Museum now? 805 01:01:46,745 --> 01:01:49,168 Actually, I told Martin I'd help with modifications 806 01:01:49,289 --> 01:01:50,666 to the Carapod this morning. 807 01:01:50,790 --> 01:01:52,713 But we scheduled the Pencil Museum. 808 01:01:52,792 --> 01:01:54,794 Well, it's my turn to go off schedule. 809 01:01:55,295 --> 01:01:56,717 Fine. 810 01:01:59,174 --> 01:02:00,642 Come on, Poppy. 811 01:02:01,635 --> 01:02:03,637 Come on. Come on, Poppy. 812 01:02:04,804 --> 01:02:06,226 Come on, Poppy. 813 01:02:07,724 --> 01:02:10,227 Poppy! Poppy! Poppy! 814 01:02:10,727 --> 01:02:14,482 Come on. Come on, Poppy. 815 01:02:20,528 --> 01:02:22,326 Well, fuck you, then. 816 01:02:32,666 --> 01:02:34,714 How long have you two been together, then? 817 01:02:34,918 --> 01:02:36,841 Uh, about three months. 818 01:02:38,338 --> 01:02:40,181 Still getting on all right? 819 01:02:40,215 --> 01:02:43,014 Yeah. Sex life's fucking fantastic, mate. 820 01:02:43,051 --> 01:02:44,849 - Is it? - Better than ever. 821 01:02:44,928 --> 01:02:46,601 - Fair play, mate. - Yeah. 822 01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:50,435 She don't mind you smoking a bit of the old herb every now and again? 823 01:02:50,517 --> 01:02:52,770 No, she don't care about that. 824 01:02:53,395 --> 01:02:54,863 She doesn't like me drinking 825 01:02:54,896 --> 01:02:57,194 and she doesn't like me doing her up the bumhole. 826 01:02:59,276 --> 01:03:02,701 Legend has it that in the early 1500s, 827 01:03:02,779 --> 01:03:06,204 a violent storm in the Borrowdale area of Cumberland 828 01:03:06,283 --> 01:03:08,411 led to trees being uprooted 829 01:03:08,535 --> 01:03:12,039 and the discovery of a strange black material underneath. 830 01:03:12,747 --> 01:03:15,546 This material turned out to be graphite. 831 01:03:17,627 --> 01:03:21,552 A cottage industry of pencil-making soon developed, 832 01:03:21,589 --> 01:03:27,562 culminating in the formation of the UK's first pencil factory in 1832. 833 01:03:29,055 --> 01:03:31,149 The factory has had various owners... 834 01:03:33,393 --> 01:03:35,896 And then like this, sort of disco style. 835 01:03:46,489 --> 01:03:49,834 Excuse me. How much is that big pencil? 836 01:03:49,909 --> 01:03:51,331 £24. 837 01:04:05,050 --> 01:04:07,178 Go. Fast as you can. 838 01:04:10,263 --> 01:04:13,517 Oh, mate. You all right? 839 01:04:14,768 --> 01:04:17,317 - Oh, bloody hell. - Bloody hell, mate. 840 01:04:19,064 --> 01:04:20,486 Banjo. 841 01:04:20,857 --> 01:04:22,734 - Banjo. Banjo, get away. - Ugh! 842 01:04:22,817 --> 01:04:24,444 Go! 843 01:04:27,072 --> 01:04:31,578 ...becoming the Cumberland Pencil Company in 1916. 844 01:04:32,452 --> 01:04:36,798 The Lakeland children's range was launched in 1930, 845 01:04:36,873 --> 01:04:41,879 followed by the Derwent brand of fine art pencils in... 846 01:04:42,837 --> 01:04:45,306 How did you decide on the size of this when you were originally... 847 01:04:45,382 --> 01:04:47,305 Oh, from a P&O ferry. 848 01:04:59,562 --> 01:05:01,109 ...canteen building, 849 01:05:01,189 --> 01:05:04,068 and advertisements were placed in newspapers, 850 01:05:04,150 --> 01:05:06,699 seeking artefacts and memorabilia. 851 01:05:09,656 --> 01:05:12,159 The famous Pencil Museum... 852 01:05:24,921 --> 01:05:26,764 Mum. 853 01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:28,387 Is that you, Tina? 854 01:05:28,466 --> 01:05:29,888 Oh, Mum. 855 01:05:32,303 --> 01:05:34,681 - Has it gone wrong? - No. 856 01:05:35,306 --> 01:05:36,728 Yes. 857 01:05:36,808 --> 01:05:39,186 Yeah, a bit, sort of. 858 01:05:41,020 --> 01:05:44,650 Shall I come? No, I can't. I'm too ill. 859 01:05:44,732 --> 01:05:47,201 I don't know what he wants. 860 01:05:47,735 --> 01:05:49,737 Oh, they're all the same. 861 01:05:49,821 --> 01:05:52,290 Whatever you give him, he'll want the opposite. 862 01:05:52,365 --> 01:05:55,414 I've done things. 863 01:05:55,493 --> 01:05:57,587 Ooh, Tina. What? 864 01:05:58,663 --> 01:06:00,506 What have you done, love? 865 01:06:03,001 --> 01:06:04,469 Sex things? 866 01:06:04,961 --> 01:06:06,554 And other stuff. 867 01:06:07,839 --> 01:06:12,310 Because I thought that was what he wanted to see me do, you know? 868 01:06:13,720 --> 01:06:15,768 But now I'm not sure. 869 01:06:16,181 --> 01:06:19,230 You didn't let him see you do number twos, did you, Tina? 870 01:06:20,185 --> 01:06:21,607 Never. 871 01:06:22,353 --> 01:06:25,983 Mystery, Tina, is a woman's sanctuary. 872 01:06:28,151 --> 01:06:30,950 Bye, now, 'cause I've got stuff to do. 873 01:06:31,988 --> 01:06:33,410 Mum. 874 01:07:12,195 --> 01:07:14,869 Poppy's with the babysitter. 875 01:07:15,740 --> 01:07:17,492 Don't call him that. 876 01:07:17,909 --> 01:07:19,832 Make love to me, Chris. 877 01:07:21,371 --> 01:07:23,840 No, I can't. I'm still processing. 878 01:07:23,915 --> 01:07:25,337 Please. 879 01:07:26,417 --> 01:07:29,341 That poor girl. She was getting married. 880 01:07:31,005 --> 01:07:33,007 Just the thought of that just makes me feel... 881 01:07:33,091 --> 01:07:34,513 Sexy. 882 01:07:36,761 --> 01:07:39,014 Ruined that restaurant for me. 883 01:07:40,640 --> 01:07:42,688 I've been very bad, Chris. 884 01:07:44,394 --> 01:07:46,613 I think you should punish me. 885 01:07:48,189 --> 01:07:49,782 With your cock. 886 01:07:49,857 --> 01:07:53,202 Tina. It's not sexy. It was wrong. 887 01:07:53,945 --> 01:07:55,743 You're not qualified. 888 01:07:57,115 --> 01:07:58,537 Fine! 889 01:08:10,336 --> 01:08:12,054 What are you doing? 890 01:08:13,172 --> 01:08:15,425 Finishing what you started. 891 01:08:30,189 --> 01:08:31,869 ...have been at their highest for a decade. 892 01:08:31,941 --> 01:08:35,062 There have been grim warnings that the country could return to the dark days... 893 01:08:47,498 --> 01:08:49,500 Oh, what the fuck? 894 01:08:52,295 --> 01:08:53,717 Pull over! 895 01:08:54,881 --> 01:08:56,724 Fucking hell. 896 01:08:59,844 --> 01:09:02,518 Morning, Chris. - Pull over now! 897 01:09:02,555 --> 01:09:04,023 - Oh. - What the hell are you doing? 898 01:09:04,557 --> 01:09:06,059 I thought I'd give you a lie-in. 899 01:09:06,142 --> 01:09:08,486 A lie-in? Pull over now! 900 01:09:08,561 --> 01:09:11,235 Fine. 901 01:09:15,735 --> 01:09:17,157 Oh, Christ. 902 01:09:18,821 --> 01:09:22,416 Aw. It reminds me of the first day of the holiday. 903 01:09:22,533 --> 01:09:23,910 No, that was an accident. 904 01:09:24,035 --> 01:09:27,005 I feel a bit emotional, 'cause, you know, 905 01:09:27,080 --> 01:09:29,424 it's the first one we've done together, isn't it? 906 01:09:29,499 --> 01:09:31,501 - Ah, you're sacked. - What? 907 01:09:31,584 --> 01:09:33,006 - You're sacked. - What? 908 01:09:33,086 --> 01:09:35,339 Look... ...this isn't working. 909 01:09:35,421 --> 01:09:37,582 Look, I don't... I don't need you. I don't need a muse. 910 01:09:37,590 --> 01:09:39,433 I'm not a bloody writer, am I? 911 01:09:40,259 --> 01:09:42,353 No, you're not. You're a serial killer. 912 01:09:42,428 --> 01:09:44,229 - That's what you are. - I am not. Look, Tina, 913 01:09:44,263 --> 01:09:47,688 I need structure. Organisation. This is just chaos. 914 01:09:47,767 --> 01:09:50,520 It's not my style! Just... All this... 915 01:09:50,603 --> 01:09:52,947 Oh, I can't open the fucking door now! 916 01:09:58,736 --> 01:10:00,784 You did this to me. God! 917 01:10:01,572 --> 01:10:03,540 You done it to yourself. 918 01:10:03,866 --> 01:10:05,789 - I need justification. - Really? 919 01:10:05,910 --> 01:10:08,789 - This is just murder. - Well, maybe this is my style, Chris. 920 01:10:08,871 --> 01:10:11,294 - Yeah, great style. - Maybe this is my style. 921 01:10:11,374 --> 01:10:13,468 You are really bloody stylish, aren't you? 922 01:10:13,584 --> 01:10:16,383 - I know. - Look at that! That's your style? 923 01:10:17,046 --> 01:10:18,639 Look, it's nothing personal. 924 01:10:18,756 --> 01:10:21,259 It's just, you're a negative influence on me. 925 01:10:21,467 --> 01:10:22,935 Do you know that? 926 01:10:22,969 --> 01:10:25,813 I've done more murders in the last fucking three days 927 01:10:25,888 --> 01:10:28,482 than in the entire six months since I got made redundant. 928 01:10:28,558 --> 01:10:30,310 - Redundant? - Yes. 929 01:10:31,060 --> 01:10:32,983 You said you'd taken a sabbatical. 930 01:10:33,104 --> 01:10:35,152 It doesn't matter. You can't help it, you're evil. 931 01:10:35,273 --> 01:10:37,992 Maybe even a witch. Yeah, you're a witch. 932 01:10:38,651 --> 01:10:40,494 You're a bloody witch. 933 01:10:49,454 --> 01:10:52,378 I don't think anyone will be able to see him. 934 01:11:09,348 --> 01:11:11,897 The tragic death of bride-to-be Chailey Morris 935 01:11:12,018 --> 01:11:16,068 on Tuesday is now considered not to be an accident. 936 01:11:16,189 --> 01:11:18,533 The police announced today that they're pursuing 937 01:11:18,566 --> 01:11:23,413 a ginger-faced man and an angry woman in connection with inquiries. 938 01:11:23,529 --> 01:11:26,499 It's not yet known how the incident happened. 939 01:12:23,631 --> 01:12:25,304 There she blows. 940 01:12:26,425 --> 01:12:27,927 Journey's end. 941 01:12:43,985 --> 01:12:45,453 Is that a hawk? 942 01:14:07,735 --> 01:14:10,909 Wonder where Martin is. Should be here by now. 943 01:14:11,030 --> 01:14:12,953 Wonder where Poppy is. 944 01:14:16,786 --> 01:14:18,880 I hope he can find us here. 945 01:14:19,956 --> 01:14:21,378 Who, Poppy? 946 01:14:21,457 --> 01:14:22,879 - No, Martin. - Oh. 947 01:14:26,712 --> 01:14:28,134 Hey. 948 01:14:29,215 --> 01:14:30,592 Hey! 949 01:14:33,427 --> 01:14:34,974 Whoa-ho-ho! 950 01:14:35,054 --> 01:14:37,398 Picked a spectacular spot, mate! 951 01:14:37,640 --> 01:14:40,894 Yeah, bit off the beaten track, innit? 952 01:14:43,062 --> 01:14:45,235 - All right, mate? - Yeah, I'm great, yeah. 953 01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:46,907 All right, love? 954 01:14:47,566 --> 01:14:49,068 Yeah. Good. 955 01:14:49,151 --> 01:14:50,573 Hello, boy. 956 01:14:51,237 --> 01:14:55,117 - Poppy! There you are! - Hello. 957 01:14:55,241 --> 01:14:59,087 Oh, Poppy. It's Mummy. Eh? 958 01:15:00,454 --> 01:15:02,206 Come on, let's get you in the warm. 959 01:15:05,292 --> 01:15:07,465 - Cheers. Cheers, yeah. - Cheers. 960 01:15:07,545 --> 01:15:09,047 - Cheers, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Glad you made it, mate. 961 01:15:09,130 --> 01:15:10,632 Yeah, well, it's lovely to be here, mate. 962 01:15:10,715 --> 01:15:15,437 You know, with a sort of marketing strategy and a good production schedule, 963 01:15:15,511 --> 01:15:17,730 I think we could make it work, yeah. Yeah. 964 01:15:17,805 --> 01:15:19,682 Actually, I was thinking of going to see this guy in Spain. 965 01:15:19,765 --> 01:15:23,235 He's got, um, some amazing ideas about combi-power inverters. 966 01:15:23,310 --> 01:15:25,404 - I mean, you must know about them. - Yeah. Oh, right, cool, yeah. 967 01:15:25,479 --> 01:15:28,198 Well, here's to Carapod International. Eh? Cheers. 968 01:15:28,274 --> 01:15:30,868 - Cheers. - Tina? Carapod International. 969 01:15:32,611 --> 01:15:34,033 - Brilliant. - Yeah, yeah. 970 01:15:34,113 --> 01:15:35,535 I'm going for a piss. 971 01:15:35,614 --> 01:15:37,241 Yeah, yeah, fine. 972 01:15:39,326 --> 01:15:40,748 It's, uh... 973 01:15:40,828 --> 01:15:44,128 - Sorry, it's a bit squished in here. - Sorry. Um, just... 974 01:15:44,290 --> 01:15:45,758 Yeah, he's a lovely bloke, isn't he? 975 01:15:45,833 --> 01:15:48,928 Oh, honestly, I'm so happy I bumped into you guys. 976 01:15:49,003 --> 01:15:51,677 You know, I really need a business partner, you know, 977 01:15:51,756 --> 01:15:53,508 'cause I come up with the ideas 978 01:15:53,591 --> 01:15:56,390 but I'm not good at the organisational end of things. 979 01:15:56,469 --> 01:16:00,599 So, you know, and, uh, I really bonded with little Banjo over here. 980 01:16:00,681 --> 01:16:02,103 Who? 981 01:16:02,433 --> 01:16:06,438 That's his name, isn't it? It's just that Chris said it was... 982 01:16:06,937 --> 01:16:08,359 Did he? 983 01:16:08,773 --> 01:16:10,901 So did I get that wrong? 984 01:16:17,573 --> 01:16:19,746 Do you know what it's like to be a woman, Martin? 985 01:16:19,825 --> 01:16:22,248 Uh, no. No. 986 01:16:23,370 --> 01:16:24,838 I do. 987 01:16:24,914 --> 01:16:26,336 Fine. 988 01:16:26,415 --> 01:16:28,509 It's not too bad, actually. 989 01:16:29,085 --> 01:16:30,507 Yeah, I imagine, yeah, yeah. 990 01:16:30,586 --> 01:16:32,759 He can be very controlling. 991 01:16:33,130 --> 01:16:35,758 - Really? Right. I... - Very domineering. 992 01:16:36,175 --> 01:16:39,725 - Well, he's... Yeah. - But you're not like that, are you? 993 01:16:40,054 --> 01:16:43,308 No, no. Me, I'm a pretty easy-going guy really, yeah. 994 01:16:43,390 --> 01:16:45,688 Haven't you got lovely eyelashes? 995 01:16:45,768 --> 01:16:47,611 - Have I? - Mmm. 996 01:16:47,686 --> 01:16:50,530 Thanks very much. Yeah. Kiss me. 997 01:16:53,776 --> 01:16:55,744 Martin, did you hear me? 998 01:16:58,781 --> 01:17:00,203 - Kiss me, Martin. - Um... 999 01:17:00,282 --> 01:17:01,875 Just quickly before he comes back. 1000 01:17:06,413 --> 01:17:08,541 - All right, mate? - All right? 1001 01:17:09,166 --> 01:17:11,089 - What? - Cheers. 1002 01:17:11,168 --> 01:17:13,011 - Cheers, yeah. - Cheers. Here's to you. 1003 01:17:17,091 --> 01:17:18,388 What? 1004 01:17:20,469 --> 01:17:23,188 Martin just said some filthy things to me, Chris. 1005 01:17:23,556 --> 01:17:26,275 Yeah? Well, do tell. 1006 01:17:26,350 --> 01:17:29,274 He said I was a dirty, slutty bitch. 1007 01:17:30,980 --> 01:17:32,402 And he wanted to fuck me. 1008 01:17:33,607 --> 01:17:36,702 And he said he wanted to shit in my mouth and in my underwear, 1009 01:17:37,695 --> 01:17:42,826 and he said he wanted to shit in my hand and make me use it as a brown lipstick. 1010 01:17:43,200 --> 01:17:46,545 Mate, I... I... 1011 01:17:47,580 --> 01:17:51,084 You know, if Martin really said these things, 1012 01:17:52,543 --> 01:17:55,968 then I've got no objection, in theory. 1013 01:17:56,463 --> 01:17:58,431 - In theory? - Yeah. 1014 01:18:02,011 --> 01:18:04,264 What about practice, Chris? 1015 01:18:09,351 --> 01:18:11,103 - Right. Um... - Chris. 1016 01:18:11,896 --> 01:18:15,366 - Um, I'm gonna go to bed now, all right? - I'm... 1017 01:18:15,566 --> 01:18:17,646 Yeah, it's probably best, actually, mate. Yeah, yeah. 1018 01:18:17,693 --> 01:18:19,616 Yeah, it's been a long day. Yeah, yeah, so I'll just... 1019 01:18:19,695 --> 01:18:21,368 Yeah, I think we're probably gonna turn in, too. So... 1020 01:18:21,447 --> 01:18:24,701 Yeah, can I just... Yeah, can I just, uh... 1021 01:18:25,659 --> 01:18:27,286 Will you let Martin out, please? 1022 01:18:32,750 --> 01:18:34,923 Right, cheers then, yeah. See you in the morning. 1023 01:18:38,672 --> 01:18:40,515 Why are you behaving like that in front of Martin?! 1024 01:18:40,591 --> 01:18:43,014 Why can't I have a friend? You've got that bloody dog, Banjo! 1025 01:18:43,093 --> 01:18:46,347 - Poppy! - It's called Banjo! 1026 01:18:46,430 --> 01:18:48,524 - Poppy! - Banjo! 1027 01:18:48,933 --> 01:18:51,402 Just stop saying that in front of the dog. 1028 01:18:51,477 --> 01:18:53,104 You're giving him an identity crisis. 1029 01:18:53,187 --> 01:18:57,237 How is he gonna have an identity crisis, Chris, when he's a stupid fucking dog? 1030 01:19:06,992 --> 01:19:09,120 Hello? Hello? Hey! 1031 01:19:10,537 --> 01:19:12,756 Hey! Hey, what are you doing? 1032 01:19:38,023 --> 01:19:40,367 Well, that solves that problem. 1033 01:19:45,864 --> 01:19:47,866 Oh, fuckin' God, no. 1034 01:19:47,950 --> 01:19:49,372 No! 1035 01:19:55,165 --> 01:19:56,542 Martin? 1036 01:19:57,376 --> 01:19:58,844 Martin? 1037 01:20:02,214 --> 01:20:03,807 Martin! 1038 01:20:07,886 --> 01:20:10,389 You are a fucking liability, you are. 1039 01:20:10,973 --> 01:20:13,192 You're a liability. You're just like your mother. 1040 01:20:13,225 --> 01:20:15,353 You can't... Ow, fucking hell. 1041 01:20:31,535 --> 01:20:34,880 Oh, you are a powder keg. 1042 01:20:35,581 --> 01:20:38,380 ♪ [THE POWER OF LOVE by Frankie Goes to Hollywood] 1043 01:20:40,002 --> 01:20:42,676 ♪ Feels likes fire 1044 01:20:43,547 --> 01:20:46,926 ♪ I'm so in love with you 1045 01:20:49,345 --> 01:20:52,599 ♪ Dreams are like angels 1046 01:20:52,681 --> 01:20:56,777 ♪ They keep bad at bay ♪ Bad at bay 1047 01:20:57,102 --> 01:21:02,780 ♪ Love is the light scaring darkness away 1048 01:21:02,900 --> 01:21:06,404 ♪ Yeah 1049 01:21:07,029 --> 01:21:09,908 ♪ I'm so in love with you 1050 01:21:09,948 --> 01:21:11,950 ♪ Purge the soul 1051 01:21:14,787 --> 01:21:20,715 ♪ Make love your goal 1052 01:21:22,211 --> 01:21:25,806 ♪ The power of love 1053 01:21:26,298 --> 01:21:29,643 ♪ A force from above 1054 01:21:30,969 --> 01:21:35,440 ♪ Cleaning my soul 1055 01:21:37,810 --> 01:21:41,155 ♪ Flame on burn desire 1056 01:21:41,188 --> 01:21:45,034 ♪ Love with tongues of fire 1057 01:21:45,150 --> 01:21:47,869 ♪ Purge the soul 1058 01:21:47,986 --> 01:21:52,662 ♪ Make love your goal 1059 01:22:08,549 --> 01:22:12,725 ♪ I'll protect you from the Hooded Claw 1060 01:22:12,845 --> 01:22:16,190 ♪ Keep the vampires from your door 1061 01:22:16,306 --> 01:22:17,683 ♪ When the chips are down 1062 01:22:20,519 --> 01:22:23,193 ♪ I'll be around with my undying 1063 01:22:23,230 --> 01:22:26,359 ♪ Death-defying love for you 1064 01:22:26,483 --> 01:22:30,363 ♪ Envy will hurt itself 1065 01:22:31,029 --> 01:22:34,704 ♪ Let yourself be beautiful 1066 01:22:34,825 --> 01:22:40,707 ♪ Sparkling love flowers and pearls and pretty girls 1067 01:22:41,248 --> 01:22:44,548 ♪ Love is like an energy 1068 01:22:44,668 --> 01:22:48,718 ♪ Rushing in, rushing inside of me 1069 01:22:49,590 --> 01:22:51,763 ♪ Hey. 1070 01:22:56,054 --> 01:22:59,854 ♪ The power of love 1071 01:22:59,892 --> 01:23:03,567 ♪ A force from above 1072 01:23:03,687 --> 01:23:06,110 ♪ Cleaning my soul... 1073 01:23:06,231 --> 01:23:08,233 So have you had a nice holiday? 1074 01:23:08,275 --> 01:23:12,246 Yeah. I've had a brilliant holiday. 1075 01:23:13,071 --> 01:23:16,041 I'm sorry about calling you a witch and that. 1076 01:23:19,244 --> 01:23:22,418 What do you reckon? You sure this is what you want? 1077 01:23:27,044 --> 01:23:28,762 Three... 1078 01:23:29,087 --> 01:23:30,464 - ...two... - Two... 1079 01:23:31,465 --> 01:23:32,933 - ...one. - ...one. 1080 01:23:33,926 --> 01:23:35,303 Go. 1081 01:23:50,651 --> 01:23:52,699 ♪ [TAINTED LOVE by Gloria Jones] 1081 01:23:53,305 --> 01:23:59,612 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org