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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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BRUCE:
Ally, can we get a recap?
You remember the Kowolskis.

3
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:46,879
They've owned this shop
for 30 years, and they are
attempting to set a record

4
00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:50,716
by making
Buffalo's largest cookie,
and you have to wear this.

5
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,468
A hair net?
Health department.

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00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,219
You're kidding me.
lf you're working
around the cookie,

7
00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:55,304
you have to have it on.

8
00:00:55,346 --> 00:00:59,016
It's the Iaw.
l just did the hair.
The hair is perfect.

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00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:00,559
AII right. Give it to me.

10
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:06,899
God, why do you hate me?

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00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:09,443
We're rolling. And speed.

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00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:12,654
For three decades,
the Kowolski family bakery

13
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:15,491
has been a mainstay
in downtown Buffalo,

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00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:19,578
known for their
sinfully sweet,
cream-filled Polski Pierogis,

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00:01:19,662 --> 00:01:23,457
and the occasional
sugar-induced coma
that follows.

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00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:26,418
But today, in honor of
their 30th anniversary,

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00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:30,923
they've invited us
to ride along
as they go for the record

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00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:33,592
on Buffalo's biggest cookie.

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Vol. Vol.
You need a tissue
or something?

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00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,726
Can we get Vol a tissue
or a spoon?

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00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:44,561
lt's a good thing
we're wearing these today,

22
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,146
'cause l wouldn't want
any stray hairs

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to fall into the booger.

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00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:51,026
Are we gonna do this again?
No. We can cut to B-roll.

25
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:57,199
Moving on ! So tell me, Mama.
Why make
Buffalo's biggest cookie?

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Well, man
from health department

27
00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:06,041
say he find
rat pellet in our pastry,
but l say, "No."

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00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:11,839
ls big chocolate sprinkle.
But he shut store down.

29
00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:16,051
So we clean up,
make big cookie

30
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:19,888
for to bring customers back.

31
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:24,017
Well, l admire your candor.
Let's try that again,
shall we?

32
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:28,897
So tell me, Mama.
Why make
Buffalo's biggest cookie?

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So the children
of the neighborhood
will be happy?

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That's right. lt must be
wonderful seeing the smiles
on their little faces.

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l work in back.
l see no smiles.

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The previous Buffalo record
was eight feet, seven inches,

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baked by Gladys Pelsnick.

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00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:51,503
lf this cookie beats Gladys's,
it will prove once and for all

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00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,964
that the Kowolskis
have much more free time.

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And the cookie is 1 0 feet,
four inches.

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We have a new record !

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00:03:00,763 --> 00:03:04,224
Cue the cheesy
inspirational music!

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00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:06,768
(CHARIOTS OF FIRE THEME
PLAYlNG)

44
00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:24,161
But what are we
really looking at here?

45
00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:29,208
ls it just a big cookie,
or does this cookie represent
the pride of Buffalo,

46
00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:33,045
its dedicated
and hardworking citizens
the key ingredient,

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00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:35,881
with a few nuts thrown in,

48
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:40,802
and, finally, the love of
our families, which provides
the warm, chewy center,

49
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:45,307
making our beloved Buffalo
the sweetest place to live.

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00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:48,268
And that's the way
the cookie crumbles.

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00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:53,315
l'm Bruce Nolan,
Eyewitness News.
MAN: And cut it.

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00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,236
What do you think?

53
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,780
l think it's really good.
lt sucks.

54
00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:01,615
lt's a story about a cookie.

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00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:04,409
The Pillsbury Doughboy
will be riveted.

56
00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:07,412
Honey, it was funny.
lt made me laugh.

57
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,414
There's nothing wrong
with making people laugh.

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00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,667
l'll never be an anchorman,
not with this.

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00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,418
The job's right there,
but l can't reach it,

60
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:15,545
because every time
they make me do this stuff,

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00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:18,507
l have to act
like a total goof
in order to make it work.

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00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:22,052
l have no credibility.
Not good. Not good.

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00:04:22,136 --> 00:04:23,553
You know what?
Now you're just
sounding silly.

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00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:24,638
Know what? Forget it.

65
00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:27,266
lt's not important, right?
lt's not important.

66
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:29,142
Let's watch it one more time.
Oh, no.

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00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:31,353
Just once more. Please?
No. No.

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00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:35,023
Bruce, you promised
you would help
with this album.

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00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,484
Now, you get
your goofy butt over here.

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00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:39,236
(WHlMPERlNG)

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Uh-uh.

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Okay.

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00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:48,036
Okay. Okay. Now, you just
go through this stack,

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00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,205
and you pick
your favorites.

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00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:57,462
Oh, come on.
This is fun. Right?
lsn't this fun?

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00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:58,880
This is nice.

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00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:01,800
Evan's gonna get
that anchor job,
l just know it.

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00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:03,510
Ah, Bruce!
He's the favorite.

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00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:06,013
All right. You know what?
Just forget it.
Let's just forget it.

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00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:10,475
This is just our life.
We can always just have
some kid do it for us.

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00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:16,148
Whoa! Hold the phone!
l like this one.
Our weekend at the lake.

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00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:18,775
How did you get that?
That's supposed to be
in our private stash.

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00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:21,987
You look perky, hon.
lt must've been cold.
All right. Just give it to me.

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00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:23,405
l think l'll put this
on my computer

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00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:24,781
and use it as wallpaper.
No, no, no.

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00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:26,992
Okay. Give it to me. Come on !
No, no, no.

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00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:31,079
All right. Fine.
Do with it what you will.
l don't care.

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00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,790
l will do with it
what l will.
Jesus.

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00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:38,253
You know, l might even
send this in to Playboy.

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00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:42,132
l hear their layouts
can be quite tasteful.
Give that to me right now!

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00:05:42,216 --> 00:05:43,300
Jesus.
Right now!

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00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:45,677
Rough stuff!
l'm gonna hurt you. . .

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00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:47,804
(BEEPlNG)

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00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,018
Sweetie? Time to get up.

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00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:54,394
(MOANlNG)

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00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:58,482
Good dream. No. No.

97
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:11,995
Well, the Buffalo Sabres lost
again last night at the hands
of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

98
00:06:12,121 --> 00:06:15,165
It was a shootout
on the ice for our home...
Of course. They're my team.

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00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:17,417
BRUCE: And that's the way
the cookie crumbles.

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You know, l think
there might be something
to this cookie line.

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00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:23,590
All the greatest anchors
have had their own
signature sign-off,

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00:06:23,674 --> 00:06:26,218
like Wal-ter Cron-kite.

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00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:33,433
And that's the way it was.
That's the way
the cookie crumbles.

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00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:37,312
And that's the way. . .
l like it. . .

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00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:42,234
Oh, no. Grace, the dog !

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00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:43,944
GRACE: l'm in the shower!

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00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:50,409
No, Sam ! Bad dog !

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00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:55,038
lnside, bad. Outside, good.

109
00:06:57,291 --> 00:06:58,542
(GASPlNG)

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00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:02,337
Oh, you're done now. Great.

111
00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:06,133
B-E-A-utiful.

112
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:10,429
Come on.
Let's go back inside
and have a shit.

113
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:19,354
What is the deal-io?
We are having a blood drive.

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00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,481
Creepy. Needles. Yuck.

115
00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:24,526
Well, they need my blood.
l have a very rare blood type.

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00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:26,945
l'm A. B. -positive.
Really?

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00:07:27,029 --> 00:07:28,363
l'm l. B. -positive.

118
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:32,617
l be positive,
they ain't touching me with
no needle. lt's just so. . .

119
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:36,246
Helpful and lifesaving?
No. lt's your blood.
lt's blood.

120
00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:39,207
Blood's supposed to
stay inside the body.
That's where it's meant to be.

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00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,877
Besides, they stockpile
this stuff
in a warehouse somewhere.

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00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:44,713
lt's all frozen on ice,
and they tell everybody
there's a shortage.

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00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:47,174
That's just not true.
Where did you hear that?

124
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:49,759
From a very reliable
friend of a friend of a girl,

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00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:52,846
whose sister's going out
with someone very high up
in the government.

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00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:55,307
But for your own protection,
l cannot discuss it
at this time.

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00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:57,017
Now, get out
before they see us together.

128
00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,310
Oh, no.

129
00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:04,858
Oh. Here. Hold on a second.
You need these more than l do.

130
00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:07,235
What is these?
Prayer beads.

131
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:11,239
The kids made them for me.
They will keep you safe.

132
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:12,657
l hope they're powerful.

133
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:16,244
l'm gonna need
a frigging miracle
to get to work on time.

134
00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:18,622
(HORNS BLARlNG)

135
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,252
(MAN SCREAMlNG)

136
00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:30,759
This isn't happening.
Not now.
Not during sweeps week.

137
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:33,678
Not during sweeps week!

138
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:34,846
(PAGER BEEPlNG)

139
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:36,598
Oh, God.

140
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:40,268
Yeah. Yeah.
Meeting's started without me.

141
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:43,396
This is my luck.
This is my luck!

142
00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:47,234
Shit.

143
00:08:49,403 --> 00:08:51,863
Oh, come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on !

144
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,032
(GRUNTS)

145
00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:59,454
Jesus. Get out of there!

146
00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:07,462
"R Ewe Blind."
No, but l'm late.

147
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:12,217
ls your child
in dire jeopardy?

148
00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:14,052
Find out tonight
after the game.

149
00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:15,595
Okay. Promos are approved.

150
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,180
Now, let's. . .
Uh, Jack,

151
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:19,516
shouldn't we be focusing
on Pete's retirement?

152
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:20,767
l mean, this is his last week.

153
00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:23,311
Yeah, Jack. Any word on
the open anchor position?

154
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,439
Evan, when l know something,
you'll know something.

155
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:30,193
Sorry l'm late. Traffic was. . .

156
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,114
Did you guys
already play the spots?
lt's a nice story, Bruce,

157
00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:36,074
but we're gonna go
with Evan's piece,

158
00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:39,369
sex scandal
in the mayor's office
for sweeps.

159
00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:42,664
Oh, yeah. Sweeps.

160
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:46,960
And that's the way
the cookie crumbles.

161
00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:48,211
(SNlCKERlNG)

162
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,255
l'm just
messing with you, Bruce.

163
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:56,761
See, you just got to
remember that the newsroom
is like a big cookie.

164
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,430
(ALL SNlCKERlNG)

165
00:09:58,514 --> 00:10:00,640
Do you like jazz, Evan?
Yeah.

166
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,350
Let me play something for you.

167
00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:12,611
l can hold that note
all day, buddy.
JACK: Knock it off, guys.

168
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,863
Bruce, we're gonna
keep your story in reserve.

169
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,364
Now, can we get back
to the board,

170
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:19,159
so we'll have something
to put on the air today?

171
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:22,537
Great choice, Jack.
This is the Cadillac
of bolognas.

172
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,165
Okay. Thanks.
Jack, can l talk
to you a second?

173
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:27,792
Yeah. Sure, Bruce.
What do you need?
Sweeps.

174
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:30,462
Bruce.
Jack. Jack!
Hear me out here.

175
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:31,921
l'm starting
to get desperate, man.

176
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:34,382
l'm pushing 40,
and what have l got
to show for it?

177
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,134
l've hit some kind
of a ceiling here.

178
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:38,803
There's an anti-Bruce barrier
l can't get past.

179
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:42,182
And Evan is loving it,
by the way. Loving it.

180
00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:46,186
He gets the stories.
He gets on sweeps. Maybe
l should be more like Evan.

181
00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:48,730
You don't wanna be like Evan.
Evan's an asshole.

182
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,650
l can be an asshole.
No, Bruce. You can't.

183
00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:59,407
You gonna pick that up?
Yeah. l'm sorry.
lt's. . . l'm losing it.

184
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:02,994
lt's just this
whole anchor thing opening up
has got me nuts.

185
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,079
JACK: Hi, Susan.

186
00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:05,955
Hi, Susan.
Hi, Jack.

187
00:11:07,541 --> 00:11:10,669
Look, Bruce.
You're a good reporter.
You make people laugh.

188
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:17,801
All right. l'll tell you what.
Today is the 1 56th anniversary
of the Maid of the Mist.

189
00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:19,886
l want you at Niagara Falls
in an hour.

190
00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:22,681
Maid of the Mist?
That's always live.

191
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:25,350
But Evan
always does live feeds.

192
00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:28,228
Now you and Evan
get the live feeds.

193
00:11:28,312 --> 00:11:31,731
l'm going live? During sweeps?
But watch your step, Bruce.

194
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:36,027
l've seen your outtakes.
Jack, you will
not regret this.

195
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:39,823
And l won't forget you
when l go national.
Uh, can you. . .

196
00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:42,742
Thanks, pal.

197
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:47,580
Can l have your wish now?
l'm gonna put it in
the wish jar. Thank you.

198
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:49,874
Okay. Put your wish in there.
Me too.

199
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:53,795
Put your wish in there.
Look at that.
Looks like a big wish.

200
00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:57,006
Oh, no, no. Oh, no. Martin,
don't. . . Don't eat that.
Don't eat that.

201
00:11:57,091 --> 00:12:00,176
Don't put that in your mouth.
That's paste, honey.

202
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:01,678
(EXCLAlMlNG)

203
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:05,724
That must've tasted awful.
Mommy!

204
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:09,728
Oh, Zoe-Baboey!
Did you have a good time
with Aunt Crazy today?

205
00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:13,398
Yeah? See how nice this is?
Baby on the hip?

206
00:12:13,482 --> 00:12:15,275
Oh, it's amazing.
You've become Mom.

207
00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:17,902
The transformation
is complete.

208
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:18,945
(TELEPHONE RlNGlNG)

209
00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:20,447
Oh.
l'll get it.

210
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:22,240
DEBBIE:
SmaII Wonders Day Care.
Grace?

211
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,826
No. lt's Debbie,
the sister whose life
you're not wasting.

212
00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:27,912
Oh, all right.
Okay, okay, okay.
Bye, Debbie!

213
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:32,917
Hi. Hi. Sorry. Debbie forgot
to take her meds today.
Where are you?

214
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:38,006
Oh, a little place called
the winner's circle. l'm at
the falls doing a live report.

215
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:41,259
Live? That's great!
Yeah ! lt's happening, hon.

216
00:12:41,343 --> 00:12:43,052
l got sweeps, and l'm live.

217
00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:45,638
You know what that means?
They're seeing
if l can think on my feet,

218
00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:48,558
you know, like, l might
have to do in a live news
anchor situation.

219
00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:50,185
Oh, my gosh.

220
00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:52,687
Yeah.
lt's what we've always
talked about, Grace.

221
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:55,607
Jack practically came out
and told me.
Practically?

222
00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:58,401
Well, he didn't spell it out,
but legally, he can't.

223
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,278
But this is exactly
what happened to Susan Ortega

224
00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:03,072
just before
they bumped her up.

225
00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:05,241
lt's good. lt's good.
lt's good.

226
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:07,452
Okay. Well, honey,
l just don't. . .

227
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:09,662
l don't want you
to get too ahead of yourself.

228
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,123
Bruce?
Oh, l got to go.
They're calling me in.

229
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,292
Oh. Okay, honey.
Good luck. l love you.

230
00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:16,377
Love, love, love,
love, love.

231
00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:18,671
Let's do it.

232
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:21,925
ALLY: They want you
close to the falls.
BRUCE: Really?

233
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:23,802
l'm gonna get soaked.
That's the point.

234
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:25,470
They want you to put this on.

235
00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:28,389
Part of the condition of us
getting the exclusive.

236
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:32,477
You know what?
Nothing can bother me today.
Nothing.

237
00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:36,523
Okay. Now, remember.
lt's their
1 56th-year anniversary.

238
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,650
1 49 capacity.
Right.

239
00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:42,362
They cater to tourists,
honeymooners. . .
And people insanely thirsty.

240
00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:43,488
l get it.
Okay.

241
00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:46,324
And you are gonna
be interviewing
lrene Dansfield.

242
00:13:46,408 --> 00:13:49,285
lrene! Pleasure to meet you.
Truly.

243
00:13:49,411 --> 00:13:52,455
You look beautiful.
lrene's mother rode on
the maiden voyage.

244
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:54,833
Wow. Rub that in my face,
why don't you?
Ninety seconds!

245
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:58,753
Ninety seconds? Holy hell.
Uh, yeah. Okay. 90 seconds?

246
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:04,217
Because of the fast response,
the toxic chemicals were
cleaned up without incident.

247
00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:07,345
Susan?
Bruce Nolan is standing by
at Niagara Falls,

248
00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:10,431
but before we go
live to Bruce, we have
an announcement to make.

249
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:16,187
As everyone knows,
after 33 years, our beloved
Pete Fineman is retiring.

250
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:21,609
Pete's shoes are
virtually impossible to fill,
but the show must go on,

251
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:27,073
and we couId think of
no one better than
our very own Evan Baxter.

252
00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:30,577
Oh. . . Oh, boy.

253
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,872
Congratulations, Evan.
Thanks, Susan.
l'm thrilled and honored.

254
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:34,956
And as you said,

255
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,710
no one can replace
the great Pete Fineman,
but l will do my best.

256
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:43,423
l have to say, l am so proud
to be a part of our
local community of Buffalo,

257
00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:48,595
and l think, in a lot of ways,
a great city is like
a great recipe, really.

258
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:54,225
You take hardworking citizens,
add some caregivers,
maybe a few nuts,

259
00:14:57,479 --> 00:15:01,274
all sprinkled
with the love and support
of our good families.

260
00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:05,570
Ultimately, that makes
one sweet place to live.

261
00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:07,405
That was amazing.
l meant it.

262
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:10,074
l wish l'd written something.
And now let's go live

263
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,827
to that wacky Bruce Nolan
out at Niagara Falls.

264
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,537
Hey! Wacky Bruce!

265
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,877
Bruce? Talk, Bruce. Hello?

266
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:22,962
Talk, honey. Talk.
What's going on?

267
00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:24,964
We got a Walt Disney.
He's frozen solid.

268
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:26,758
We may not have audio.
Check the feed.

269
00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:29,177
We may be having a bit
of technical difficulty.

270
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:30,261
Feed's good, Jack.

271
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:33,306
Move. Come on. Come on.
Come on.
Talk, Bruce, damn it!

272
00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:36,142
All right. Get ready
to pull the plug.
Come on, baby.
Say something.

273
00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:39,687
Say something.
Bruce, talk.

274
00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:44,484
Hi, Susan.
Oh, thank you, God.

275
00:15:44,568 --> 00:15:46,861
Bruce NoIan here
aboard the Maid of the Mist

276
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,530
in fabulous Niagara Falls,
New York.

277
00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:54,452
First off, let me just add
another congratulations
to Evan Backstabber. . .

278
00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:56,829
Pardon me. Bastard.
Baxter, rather.

279
00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:59,707
lt is good to see
what someone
with talent can do,

280
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,877
when great opportunities
are given to them
instead of me.

281
00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:04,212
(BRUCE CHUCKLING)

282
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:08,383
Anyway, l'm here
with Katharine Hepburn's mom.
Tell me.

283
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:10,718
Why did you throw the blue
Heart of the Ocean jewel

284
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,012
over the railing
of the Titanic?

285
00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:15,390
Did you feel bad at all
letting Leo DiCaprio drown,

286
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:18,101
while you were safe,
floating on the door?

287
00:16:18,185 --> 00:16:19,686
Could you have taken turns,

288
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:23,189
or were you just too afraid
to freeze your big,
fat ass off?

289
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,984
l guess that's how life is,
isn't it?

290
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:30,863
Some people are drenched,
freezing to death on a stupid
boat, with a stupid hat,

291
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:34,325
while others
are in a comfy news studio,
sucking up all the glory.

292
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:37,829
Oh, well. No big deal.
MAN: Oh, boy.

293
00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:39,998
Oh, look.
lt's the owner of
the Maid of the Mist.

294
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:42,083
Let's have a talk with him,
shall we?
Come on in here, Bill.

295
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,376
That's all right.
No, no, no, no. No, no.

296
00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:44,669
Come on. Let's have a talk.

297
00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:46,671
Come on. What are you doing?

298
00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:49,549
Bill, you've been running
the Maid of the Mist
for 23 years now.

299
00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:51,718
Tell me. Why do you think
l didn't get the anchor job?

300
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,637
Hey, man.
l don't want problems.
ls it my hair, Bill?

301
00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:56,180
Are my teeth
not white enough?

302
00:16:56,265 --> 00:17:03,187
Or like the great falls,
is the bedrock of my life
eroding beneath me?

303
00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:08,776
Eroding ! Eroding ! Eroding !

304
00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:11,487
Cut the feed. Go to black.

305
00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:12,822
Go to black.
l'm on it.

306
00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:18,453
l'm Bruce Nolan
for Eyewitness News.
Back to you, fuckers!

307
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,706
Oh, boy.
Oh, my God.

308
00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:31,632
That is perfect.
That is the motivation
that l needed !

309
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:34,135
Right there! Thank you.

310
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:38,264
Thank you, W. K. B. W. !

311
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:42,143
Wimpy Kitty Baby Whiners!

312
00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:44,353
That's what that stands for!

313
00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:49,984
l'll see you on Channel 5,
where they do the real news.

314
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,194
(MEN CHATTERlNG)

315
00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:54,322
Do l look blind to you?
Do l look blind to you?

316
00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:58,910
Hey.
Let's go, man.
Come on. Let's go.

317
00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:04,290
What are you doing over there?
Come on.
Leave the poor guy alone.

318
00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:06,584
You okay, man?

319
00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:10,588
Yeah, you'd better
keep walking.

320
00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:12,757
What? What'd you say, ése?

321
00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:15,426
Run, man ! Run !

322
00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:18,971
Oh, God !

323
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:25,144
Okay, okay, okay!
l didn't mean it!
l was just kidding !

324
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,188
Hey, you forgot your things.

325
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:34,153
Say something to that.
Say something.

326
00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:35,822
(GLASS SHATTERlNG)

327
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:37,115
(METAL SQUEAKlNG)

328
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:43,454
B-E-A-utiful.

329
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,919
That's what l get. . .

330
00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:53,297
That's what l get
for trying to help someone.

331
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,677
Oh, don't look at me, Walter.

332
00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:59,512
Oh, no!

333
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:08,855
Well, that's my payment,
l guess. That. . .
That is my reward.

334
00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:16,863
Just? Just get a clue!

335
00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:19,907
GRACE: Thank God
you're all right.

336
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:22,493
BRUCE: God. Yeah.
Let's thank God. Shall we?

337
00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:25,037
For his blessings
are raining down upon me.

338
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:28,166
Wait! That's not rain !
Bruce, please
don't do that, honey.

339
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,835
You know that
everything happens
for a reason.

340
00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:34,505
That l don't need.
That is a cliché.
That is not helpful to me.

341
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:36,632
A bird in the hand
is worth two in the bush.

342
00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:40,011
l have no bird.
l have no bush. God has taken
my bird and my bush.

343
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:43,306
Oh, l see.
So God is picking on you,
is that what you're saying?

344
00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:46,684
No. He's ignoring me
completely.

345
00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:50,188
He's far too busy
giving Evan
everything he wants.

346
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:53,774
Oh, that's great, Sam,
but you missed your target.
l'm over here!

347
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,235
Don't get mad at the dog.
lt's not the dog's fault.

348
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,988
No. lt's God's fault.
l gave him
the wrong coordinates.

349
00:19:59,072 --> 00:20:00,406
All right. You know what?
Enough. All right?

350
00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:02,116
Will you stop being
such a martyr?

351
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,785
l am not being a martyr.
l'm a victim.

352
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,621
God is a mean kid
sitting on an anthill

353
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,789
with a magnifying glass,
and l'm the ant.

354
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,083
He could fix my life
in five minutes
if he wanted to,

355
00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:14,170
but he'd rather
burn off my feelers
and watch me squirm !

356
00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:17,048
Sweetheart,
l know you're mad.
lt's understandable.

357
00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:22,887
What Evan did is slimy
and wrong, but this day
could've been so much worse.

358
00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:27,683
l'm just glad you're okay.
Okay? News flash !
l'm not okay.

359
00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:31,229
l'm not okay with
a mediocre job! l'm not okay
with a mediocre apartment.

360
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:34,148
l'm not okay
with a mediocre life!

361
00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:45,826
So is that what you think
that we have?
A mediocre life?

362
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:49,163
Don't make this about you.
About me?

363
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:54,502
How could l make this
about me? lt's about you !
lt's always about you !

364
00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:57,213
Perfect. Perfect.

365
00:20:57,297 --> 00:20:59,257
l'll have
the worst day of my life

366
00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:01,926
with a side order of guilt,
please!

367
00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:04,178
(DOOR SLAMMlNG)

368
00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:05,846
Oh.

369
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:11,102
Okay, God.
You want me to talk to you?

370
00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:14,397
Then talk back.
Tell me what's going on.

371
00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:17,358
What should l do?
Give me a signal.

372
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:23,572
Oh, l need
your guidance, Lord.
Please send me a sign.

373
00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:30,121
Ah, what's this joker
doing now?

374
00:21:35,752 --> 00:21:39,255
Okay. All right.
l'll try it your way.

375
00:21:39,339 --> 00:21:44,427
All right.
Lord, l need a miracle.

376
00:21:45,554 --> 00:21:49,140
l'm desperate.
l need your help, Lord.

377
00:21:49,224 --> 00:21:53,144
Please reach into my life.
Hey!

378
00:21:53,228 --> 00:21:54,478
(GRUNTS)

379
00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:58,482
What the he. . . l got you !

380
00:22:03,780 --> 00:22:05,114
(GROANlNG)

381
00:22:24,801 --> 00:22:25,926
Hey!

382
00:22:32,809 --> 00:22:34,727
(CHUCKLES ANGRlLY)

383
00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:40,149
(GRUNTlNG)

384
00:22:42,444 --> 00:22:45,780
Fine! The gloves are off, pal !

385
00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:48,366
Come on !
Let me see a little wrath.

386
00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:52,119
Smite me, O mighty smiter!

387
00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:55,664
You're the one
who should be fired !

388
00:22:55,749 --> 00:23:00,419
The only one around here
not doing his job is you !

389
00:23:01,171 --> 00:23:03,631
Answer me!

390
00:23:04,341 --> 00:23:05,883
(PAGER BEEPlNG)

391
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:20,564
Sorry. Don't know you.

392
00:23:21,483 --> 00:23:23,567
Wouldn't call you if l did.

393
00:23:27,489 --> 00:23:28,739
Oh.

394
00:23:29,449 --> 00:23:30,699
(BEEPlNG)

395
00:23:36,331 --> 00:23:38,833
Oh, God. Oh.

396
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,341
Hello, "555 01 23."

397
00:24:09,322 --> 00:24:10,865
(SAM URlNATlNG)

398
00:24:11,700 --> 00:24:16,162
Oh, no! Sam,
this has got to stop.

399
00:24:18,748 --> 00:24:20,332
All right.
Now, get it straight here.

400
00:24:20,417 --> 00:24:23,461
That's the house.
This is the bathroom.
House. Bathroom.

401
00:24:23,545 --> 00:24:26,630
Bathroom. House.
House. Bathroom.
Bathroom. House.

402
00:24:29,050 --> 00:24:30,634
What's the point?

403
00:24:30,886 --> 00:24:32,386
(PAGER BEEPlNG)

404
00:24:55,410 --> 00:24:58,245
"555 01 23"

405
00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:00,247
(PHONE RINGING)

406
00:25:00,624 --> 00:25:03,667
MAN ON RECORDING:
Denied that promotion at work?
Is Iife unfair?

407
00:25:03,752 --> 00:25:06,795
Is there someone
less talented than you
reaping all the benefits?

408
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:10,966
ls your name Bruce?
Then do we have
the job for you.

409
00:25:11,051 --> 00:25:14,345
We're Iocated at
77256 23rd Street.

410
00:25:14,429 --> 00:25:18,015
So come on down,
or we'll just
keep beeping you.

411
00:25:32,531 --> 00:25:34,240
(GLASS SHATTERlNG)

412
00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:36,700
"Omni Presents."

413
00:25:37,911 --> 00:25:40,996
Oh, yeah.
The glass is half full.

414
00:25:41,456 --> 00:25:42,790
Oh, geez!

415
00:25:42,874 --> 00:25:44,124
(GRUNTS)

416
00:25:44,751 --> 00:25:50,005
Come on ! Look!
What is that? What is that?

417
00:25:51,466 --> 00:25:54,802
Ah, geez! Thank you.
Thank you again.

418
00:26:02,644 --> 00:26:04,061
What the. . .

419
00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:13,821
You're looking for Room 7.

420
00:26:16,491 --> 00:26:18,409
Yeah. l figured.

421
00:26:18,493 --> 00:26:20,703
You want me
to even those up for you?

422
00:26:24,332 --> 00:26:25,916
How do l get to Room 7?

423
00:26:26,001 --> 00:26:29,587
That'll be on
the seventh floor.
Stairs are right over there.

424
00:26:29,671 --> 00:26:32,047
l'd rather take the elevator.
Out of order.

425
00:26:32,132 --> 00:26:35,259
l love the stairs though.
They were my second choice.

426
00:26:35,343 --> 00:26:37,761
Do you mind giving me a hand
with this floor?

427
00:26:37,846 --> 00:26:40,764
What? That's good.

428
00:26:42,058 --> 00:26:43,517
Are you serious?

429
00:26:43,602 --> 00:26:46,895
Oh, l'm kind of busy.

430
00:26:46,980 --> 00:26:51,025
Um, rain check.
l'll hold you to it.

431
00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:55,446
l'm free on the seventh
at 7:00.

432
00:26:58,158 --> 00:26:59,992
Seventh at 7:00 it is.

433
00:27:03,330 --> 00:27:05,122
This looks promising.

434
00:27:05,665 --> 00:27:07,249
(METAL CLANKlNG)

435
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:17,176
Hello?
Another "hugantic, ginormic"
waste of my life.

436
00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:19,136
Hello?

437
00:27:20,972 --> 00:27:24,433
Yo! l'm looking
for whoever runs this joint.
MAN: Be right with you.

438
00:27:24,517 --> 00:27:28,145
l'm trying to fix a light.
Tell me if it's working.

439
00:27:28,229 --> 00:27:30,481
Yeah. Seems to be.

440
00:27:30,565 --> 00:27:34,443
Kind of bright, though.
Yeah. lt is for most people.

441
00:27:34,527 --> 00:27:38,781
Spend their lives in the dark
trying to hide from me.

442
00:27:40,492 --> 00:27:42,660
Oh, the elevator's broken,
huh?

443
00:27:42,744 --> 00:27:45,663
Yeah,
but l'll get around to it.

444
00:27:47,123 --> 00:27:50,793
You install the Clapper?
No, but catchy jingle,
isn't it?

445
00:27:51,586 --> 00:27:56,090
Clap on, clap off.
Clap on, clap off the Clapper.

446
00:27:57,425 --> 00:27:59,593
Just can't
get it out of my head.

447
00:28:00,303 --> 00:28:03,847
Good luck with that.
l'm gonna go now.

448
00:28:03,932 --> 00:28:06,767
Okay. But the boss'll be
right out.

449
00:28:14,693 --> 00:28:19,071
You must be Bruce.
l've been expecting you.

450
00:28:21,491 --> 00:28:23,117
This is hilarious.

451
00:28:23,201 --> 00:28:25,953
So you're the boss
and the electrician
and the janitor?

452
00:28:26,037 --> 00:28:29,206
Must be
a killer Christmas party.
Don't get drunk, though.

453
00:28:29,290 --> 00:28:31,166
One of you might need
a ride home.

454
00:28:33,002 --> 00:28:37,256
You always were funny, Bruce,
just like your father.

455
00:28:37,340 --> 00:28:40,050
He didn't mind
rolling up his sleeves,
either, son.

456
00:28:40,135 --> 00:28:43,595
People underestimate
the benefit
of good old manual labor.

457
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:46,724
There's freedom in it.
Some of the happiest people
in the world

458
00:28:46,808 --> 00:28:50,436
go home smelling
to high heaven
at the end of the day.

459
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:52,563
All right. What is this?

460
00:28:52,647 --> 00:28:55,315
How do you know my father,
and how did you
get my pager number?

461
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:58,110
Oh, l know quite a lot
about you, Bruce,

462
00:28:59,362 --> 00:29:01,989
just about everything
there is to know.

463
00:29:02,323 --> 00:29:07,035
Everything
you've ever said or done
or thought about doing,

464
00:29:08,288 --> 00:29:10,497
right there
in that file cabinet.

465
00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:15,127
Wow. A whole drawer
just for me.
Yeah.

466
00:29:15,211 --> 00:29:19,173
Mind if l take a look?
lt's your life.

467
00:29:20,508 --> 00:29:22,342
This ought to be good.

468
00:29:27,098 --> 00:29:28,432
(SCREAMlNG)

469
00:29:34,522 --> 00:29:36,023
(BRUCE GASPlNG)

470
00:29:37,025 --> 00:29:39,693
Now, this last entry
was a little disturbing.

471
00:29:51,456 --> 00:29:53,540
"The gloves are off, God.

472
00:29:53,666 --> 00:29:56,251
(GROANlNG)
"God has taken my bird
and my bush.

473
00:29:56,336 --> 00:29:59,671
"God is a mean kid
with a magnifying glass.

474
00:29:59,756 --> 00:30:03,258
"Smite me, O mighty smiter!"

475
00:30:03,343 --> 00:30:07,554
Now, l'm not much
for blaspheming, but
that last one made me laugh.

476
00:30:07,639 --> 00:30:09,515
Are you spying on me?

477
00:30:13,061 --> 00:30:14,478
Who are you?

478
00:30:15,647 --> 00:30:17,231
l'm the one.

479
00:30:17,816 --> 00:30:21,485
Creator of the heavens
and the earth,
alpha and omega.

480
00:30:22,529 --> 00:30:24,822
Oh, l see where this is going.

481
00:30:24,906 --> 00:30:27,866
Bruce, l'm God.

482
00:30:27,951 --> 00:30:31,119
Bingo! Yahtzee!
ls that your final answer?

483
00:30:31,204 --> 00:30:35,833
Our survey says, "God !"
Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing !

484
00:30:35,917 --> 00:30:37,626
Well, it was
nice to meet you, God.

485
00:30:37,710 --> 00:30:39,086
Thank you
for the Grand Canyon,

486
00:30:39,170 --> 00:30:41,255
and good luck
with the apocalypse.

487
00:30:41,339 --> 00:30:44,591
Oh, and by the way, you suck!

488
00:30:45,260 --> 00:30:47,177
You know what would've been
a little more impressive,
though?

489
00:30:47,262 --> 00:30:50,722
lf you hadn't used
the cheesy
file cabinet illusion.

490
00:30:50,807 --> 00:30:52,516
Anybody with a brain stem
can tell that

491
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,519
that drawer is being fed
through the wall
from the other side.

492
00:30:55,603 --> 00:30:59,106
All you have to do is
find the crease,
right around here.

493
00:30:59,190 --> 00:31:02,860
There is a seam here
or a hollow spot.

494
00:31:07,282 --> 00:31:11,201
Where? Through the drywall
and concrete?

495
00:31:14,289 --> 00:31:17,457
Okay. That is a good one.
That is a good one.

496
00:31:18,167 --> 00:31:21,044
Okay. How many fingers
am l holding up?
Now, Bruce.

497
00:31:21,170 --> 00:31:24,047
Thou shalt not
tempt the Lord. . .
Hey, if you can't do it,
man, that's cool.

498
00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:28,969
Three. Two. Four.
Nine. Six. Eight. One.

499
00:31:31,097 --> 00:31:32,389
Okay.

500
00:31:33,516 --> 00:31:36,268
How many now?
Seven.

501
00:31:39,022 --> 00:31:40,397
(EXCLAlMlNG)

502
00:31:41,816 --> 00:31:42,816
(GASPS)

503
00:31:42,901 --> 00:31:45,527
You've been doing
a lot of complaining
about me, Bruce.

504
00:31:45,653 --> 00:31:48,780
And quite frankly,
l'm tired of it.
Wait. Don't come near me.

505
00:31:48,865 --> 00:31:50,699
When l'm backed into a corner,
l'm like a wild animal.

506
00:31:50,783 --> 00:31:52,242
l don't wanna hurt you,
but l will, out of instinct.

507
00:31:52,327 --> 00:31:55,954
You haven't won a fight
since grade five,
and that was against a girl.

508
00:31:57,373 --> 00:32:00,417
Yeah, but she was huge.
She had been held back.

509
00:32:00,501 --> 00:32:04,755
And the sun was in your eyes.
Oh, there you go.

510
00:32:04,839 --> 00:32:07,382
ln a way, l brought you here
to offer you a job.

511
00:32:07,467 --> 00:32:09,718
Job? What job?
My job.

512
00:32:10,345 --> 00:32:13,555
You think
you can do it better,
so here's your chance.

513
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:18,101
When you leave this building,
you will be endowed
with all my powers.

514
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:21,063
Whatever you say, pal.

515
00:32:23,608 --> 00:32:27,903
Okay. That did not happen,
and no one
needs to hear about it.

516
00:32:27,987 --> 00:32:29,696
l'm deleting the program.

517
00:32:31,783 --> 00:32:35,327
No. No.
l'm having a breakdown,
that's what it is.

518
00:32:35,411 --> 00:32:39,957
Normal, everyday
psychotic episode caused by
a tumor or brain lesion.

519
00:32:40,041 --> 00:32:41,792
Come on. Start!

520
00:32:41,876 --> 00:32:43,627
(ENGlNE STARTlNG)

521
00:32:43,711 --> 00:32:44,711
That was lucky.

522
00:32:50,885 --> 00:32:52,594
Come on, man. Calm down.

523
00:32:52,679 --> 00:32:56,264
You did not meet God,
you do not have his powers.

524
00:32:56,391 --> 00:32:58,976
(GUNSHOT)
lf that was God,
then l'm Clint Eastwood.

525
00:32:59,060 --> 00:33:00,519
Holy hell !

526
00:33:06,818 --> 00:33:10,028
Be careful
what you wish for, punk.

527
00:33:10,113 --> 00:33:12,698
No. No. No.

528
00:33:12,782 --> 00:33:18,662
l am a reasonable,
sane human being
with a .44 Magnum,

529
00:33:18,746 --> 00:33:21,540
the most powerful handgun
in the wo. . .

530
00:33:22,166 --> 00:33:25,252
l'm not Clint Eastwood.
l'm Bruce Nolan.

531
00:33:25,336 --> 00:33:28,338
Bruce Nolan. l'm Bruce No-lan !

532
00:33:42,270 --> 00:33:44,438
BRUCE: Oh, it's not real.
lt's not real.

533
00:33:46,899 --> 00:33:49,609
Coffee?
Yeah. Uh, coffee. Yeah.

534
00:33:49,736 --> 00:33:53,363
We have a special
on soup today.
No. That's fine. Thank you.

535
00:33:53,448 --> 00:33:55,866
lt's tomato. l made it myself.

536
00:33:57,201 --> 00:33:58,785
Okay.
Okay.

537
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:21,975
(EXCLAlMlNG)

538
00:34:22,977 --> 00:34:24,269
(LAUGHS)

539
00:34:33,321 --> 00:34:35,655
Excuse me. l need a sp. . .

540
00:34:42,497 --> 00:34:44,164
lt's okay. l found one.

541
00:34:51,839 --> 00:34:53,423
Here's your soup.

542
00:34:53,508 --> 00:34:56,718
Oh, soup. Right.
Uh, yeah. Right.

543
00:35:29,418 --> 00:35:31,086
(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)

544
00:35:47,228 --> 00:35:48,645
(GASPS)
Having fun?

545
00:35:51,482 --> 00:35:56,278
Thy. . . Thou. . .
Come.
Take a closer walk with me.

546
00:35:57,655 --> 00:36:00,031
Let me explain the rules.
Rules?

547
00:36:00,116 --> 00:36:03,702
Yeah. You left in such a rush,
l didn't get a chance
to explain.

548
00:36:05,163 --> 00:36:08,331
Two extra fingers
freaked me out a little bit.

549
00:36:08,416 --> 00:36:10,750
l just figured
l'd get your attention.

550
00:36:10,835 --> 00:36:13,795
l did the same thing
to Gandhi,
he didn't eat for three weeks.

551
00:36:15,423 --> 00:36:17,174
Anyway, here's the deal.

552
00:36:17,258 --> 00:36:20,218
You have all my powers.
Use them any way you choose.

553
00:36:20,303 --> 00:36:23,638
There are only two rules.
You can't tell anybody
you're God.

554
00:36:23,723 --> 00:36:26,016
Believe me, you don't want
that kind of attention.

555
00:36:26,100 --> 00:36:28,101
And you can't mess
with free will.

556
00:36:31,856 --> 00:36:36,776
Can l ask why?
Yes, you can !
That's the beauty of it!

557
00:36:44,452 --> 00:36:48,121
This is amazing.
Speaking of amazing.
Excuse me.

558
00:36:48,581 --> 00:36:49,831
Oh.

559
00:36:52,126 --> 00:36:55,170
Holy sh. . . Cow.

560
00:36:55,796 --> 00:36:59,049
Since you're through
with these,
l think l'll keep them.

561
00:36:59,133 --> 00:37:01,218
Might come in handy someday.

562
00:37:02,303 --> 00:37:03,970
See you around, kid.

563
00:37:05,056 --> 00:37:08,558
Where you going?
l'm taking a vacation.

564
00:37:08,643 --> 00:37:12,687
God doesn't take vacations,
does he? Do. . .ye?

565
00:37:12,772 --> 00:37:16,483
Did you ever hear
of the Dark Ages?
Besides, l'm covered.

566
00:37:16,567 --> 00:37:20,612
You can clear everything up
in five minutes
if you want to, right?

567
00:37:22,531 --> 00:37:23,740
Ciao.

568
00:37:37,380 --> 00:37:38,713
(GRUNTlNG)

569
00:37:38,798 --> 00:37:40,048
(PANTlNG)

570
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,601
(THE POWER PLAYlNG)

571
00:37:57,149 --> 00:37:59,067
l've got the power

572
00:37:59,193 --> 00:38:01,152
(CHlLDREN CHEERlNG)
Boom !

573
00:38:05,992 --> 00:38:07,450
(GASPS)
l've got the power

574
00:38:07,535 --> 00:38:10,287
And he saw that it was good.

575
00:38:10,371 --> 00:38:12,205
l've got the power

576
00:38:15,584 --> 00:38:16,876
Whoa.

577
00:38:25,594 --> 00:38:26,678
(SlZZLlNG)

578
00:38:26,762 --> 00:38:31,391
Getting, getting
getting kind of heavy

579
00:38:32,101 --> 00:38:33,351
(ALL LAUGHlNG)

580
00:38:33,436 --> 00:38:34,519
l've got the power

581
00:38:34,603 --> 00:38:38,356
B-E-A-utiful.

582
00:38:43,571 --> 00:38:47,365
Hey. Check it out.
Check it out.
Hey. Check it out.

583
00:38:47,450 --> 00:38:50,327
Oh, look. lt's the hero.
What's up, homie?

584
00:38:50,411 --> 00:38:54,956
Yo, brethren,
what up with thee?
Blessings on your alley.

585
00:38:55,041 --> 00:38:57,375
Looking for another can
of whoop-ass?

586
00:38:57,460 --> 00:39:00,879
You didn't get enough,
Mr. Hero?
He wants some more.

587
00:39:00,963 --> 00:39:05,133
Surely l say unto you dudes,
l do not wish to fight.

588
00:39:05,217 --> 00:39:09,179
So as soon as you apologize
and make a full reckoning
of your transgressions,

589
00:39:09,263 --> 00:39:13,516
l shall absolve you
and continue along
the path of righteousness.

590
00:39:13,601 --> 00:39:16,436
What are you
talking about, man?

591
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:18,855
Straight up.
You talk kind of funny,
you know what l mean?

592
00:39:18,939 --> 00:39:22,233
l don't know if you've lost it
all up in here or what,
but check this out, homie.

593
00:39:22,318 --> 00:39:24,486
You want me and the homies
to apologize, right?

594
00:39:24,570 --> 00:39:26,529
Cool. Tell you what.

595
00:39:26,614 --> 00:39:28,698
We'll apologize the day
a monkey
comes out of my butt.

596
00:39:28,783 --> 00:39:30,992
Then you get your "sorry."
How about that?

597
00:39:33,704 --> 00:39:36,998
What a coincidence,
because that's today.

598
00:39:41,712 --> 00:39:43,213
(THUG GROANlNG)

599
00:39:46,384 --> 00:39:47,717
MAN: Oh !

600
00:39:49,845 --> 00:39:51,262
(GlBBERlNG)

601
00:39:54,809 --> 00:39:57,852
Hey, did that monkey
just come out
your crack, man?

602
00:40:01,232 --> 00:40:02,357
Oh.

603
00:40:02,441 --> 00:40:03,608
(SPEAKlNG SPANlSH)

604
00:40:03,692 --> 00:40:06,569
This is some voodoo shit, man.
Let's go!

605
00:40:06,654 --> 00:40:08,488
Are you guys leaving?

606
00:40:09,907 --> 00:40:12,367
Hey, don't forget
your parting gifts!

607
00:40:33,848 --> 00:40:35,306
(CHATTERlNG)

608
00:40:39,103 --> 00:40:43,857
Hey, little anal-dwelling
butt monkey. Time for you
to go home, little buddy.

609
00:40:46,902 --> 00:40:48,319
(SCREECHlNG)

610
00:40:48,863 --> 00:40:52,157
No!

611
00:40:57,037 --> 00:41:00,248
l am Bruce Almighty!

612
00:41:00,332 --> 00:41:03,293
My will be done!

613
00:41:13,345 --> 00:41:16,681
(BRUCE SINGING)
What if God was one of us

614
00:41:17,224 --> 00:41:20,393
Just a sIob Iike one of us

615
00:41:20,895 --> 00:41:23,646
Just a stranger on a bus

616
00:41:23,731 --> 00:41:26,649
Trying to make his way

617
00:41:26,734 --> 00:41:29,986
Home

618
00:41:30,070 --> 00:41:32,113
My God.
You can call me Bruce.

619
00:41:32,198 --> 00:41:34,741
What happened to you?
You seem so. . .

620
00:41:39,538 --> 00:41:40,788
. . .happy.

621
00:41:40,873 --> 00:41:42,832
Why shouldn't l be
on a night like this?

622
00:41:42,917 --> 00:41:46,377
Wow. Those are amazing.
What are these?

623
00:41:46,462 --> 00:41:47,545
They're a new breed.

624
00:41:47,630 --> 00:41:50,256
Cross-pollination
between tulips and daisies.

625
00:41:50,341 --> 00:41:53,218
l call them tu-daisies.

626
00:41:54,428 --> 00:41:55,637
Okay.

627
00:42:02,603 --> 00:42:06,356
Honey, these flowers
are really beautiful,
but last night. . .

628
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:08,608
Last night, l was only human.

629
00:42:13,989 --> 00:42:15,615
Barry, help me out here.

630
00:42:15,699 --> 00:42:18,409
(NEVER, NEVER GONNA
GlVE YOU UP PLAYlNG)

631
00:42:23,249 --> 00:42:24,666
Oh, baby

632
00:42:25,584 --> 00:42:29,462
Oh, baby
Yeah, l'll be here

633
00:42:33,968 --> 00:42:37,470
Forever and ever
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

634
00:42:38,013 --> 00:42:40,848
l'll see you through

635
00:42:45,854 --> 00:42:50,233
Making love to you right now
That's aII I wanna do

636
00:42:50,317 --> 00:42:53,444
'Cause I found

637
00:42:53,529 --> 00:42:56,990
What the worId
is searching for

638
00:42:57,074 --> 00:43:02,829
For someone just like you
make me feel the way you do

639
00:43:02,913 --> 00:43:05,248
Never, never gonna give you up

640
00:43:05,332 --> 00:43:08,084
l'm never, ever gonna stop

641
00:43:08,168 --> 00:43:10,878
Not the way l feel about you

642
00:43:10,963 --> 00:43:14,132
GirI, I just can't
live without you

643
00:43:14,216 --> 00:43:16,092
Honey. Hi. Wow.

644
00:43:16,176 --> 00:43:17,176
(GASPlNG)

645
00:43:17,261 --> 00:43:19,929
l've never seen the moon
that big !
Yeah.

646
00:43:20,014 --> 00:43:21,347
Oh, baby

647
00:43:21,432 --> 00:43:23,057
We really shouldn't waste it.

648
00:43:23,142 --> 00:43:24,392
(MOANlNG)

649
00:43:34,028 --> 00:43:37,238
Bedroom?
Five minutes.

650
00:43:47,166 --> 00:43:49,208
Let there be light.

651
00:43:52,671 --> 00:43:53,755
l'll be out in a minute.

652
00:43:55,382 --> 00:43:56,799
BRUCE: Don't rush yourself.

653
00:43:56,884 --> 00:44:00,970
Sometimes anticipation
can heighten the pleasure.

654
00:44:01,055 --> 00:44:03,348
Oh, God ! Oh !

655
00:44:05,643 --> 00:44:08,436
lt's a funny thing
about pleasure.

656
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:14,609
Wow.
lt can be quite pleasurable!

657
00:44:16,904 --> 00:44:18,404
Oh, my God !

658
00:44:19,490 --> 00:44:22,617
Pleasurable.
Oh, God !

659
00:44:22,701 --> 00:44:23,910
(MOANlNG)

660
00:44:25,079 --> 00:44:26,496
Oh, God !

661
00:44:26,580 --> 00:44:28,790
Pleasurable. Pleasurable.

662
00:44:29,083 --> 00:44:30,375
(PANTlNG)

663
00:44:30,501 --> 00:44:31,751
(GROWLS)

664
00:44:34,254 --> 00:44:35,922
(BRUCE EXCLAlMlNG)

665
00:44:36,382 --> 00:44:40,510
ln international news,
Japanese relief workers
are staging a desperate effort

666
00:44:40,594 --> 00:44:46,140
to rescue hundreds of people
stranded by a freak tidal wave
that hit Kitamoto City.

667
00:44:46,225 --> 00:44:48,976
Scientists say the tsunami
may have been caused

668
00:44:49,061 --> 00:44:52,980
by what they're describing
as unusual lunar activity.

669
00:44:53,065 --> 00:44:55,108
More on this as it develops.

670
00:44:58,904 --> 00:45:03,700
GIRL: PIease bIess my mommy,
my daddy and especially
my little sister.

671
00:45:03,784 --> 00:45:05,535
(VOICES CHATTERING
INDISTINCTLY)

672
00:45:05,619 --> 00:45:08,663
MAN 1 : Please help me, Lord.
Please get me through this.

673
00:45:14,628 --> 00:45:16,212
MAN 2: All l'm asking
is would you help me?

674
00:45:16,296 --> 00:45:19,549
GIRL: Thank you
for everything else
in my life. Amen.

675
00:45:22,803 --> 00:45:24,220
(MOANlNG)
Sam !

676
00:45:32,020 --> 00:45:33,813
(SAM URlNATlNG)

677
00:45:45,284 --> 00:45:46,659
Good boy.

678
00:45:48,996 --> 00:45:50,538
Forget something?

679
00:45:54,251 --> 00:45:57,378
Good boy.
There are girls
in the house, huh?

680
00:46:00,132 --> 00:46:01,257
(GASPlNG)

681
00:46:01,759 --> 00:46:04,010
Morning.
Morning !

682
00:46:04,094 --> 00:46:07,138
l made you grilled cheese.
Ooh, my favey!

683
00:46:08,015 --> 00:46:11,684
Honey, last night was just. . .
Heavenly? l know. l know.

684
00:46:11,769 --> 00:46:13,436
l mean,
l woke up this morning,

685
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:15,980
and l felt like
my boobs were bigger.

686
00:46:16,064 --> 00:46:20,651
l mean, do they look
bigger to you?
Uh, what? Your. . . No.

687
00:46:21,820 --> 00:46:26,365
Bigger?
Oh, come on ! Look at them !

688
00:46:26,450 --> 00:46:31,287
Please.
They are definitely bigger.
l mean, look. They feel huge.

689
00:46:31,371 --> 00:46:36,542
Well, listen, l have to go,
but this has been
the breast bek. . . Breast. . .

690
00:46:37,753 --> 00:46:40,546
Thank you.
Where are you going?

691
00:46:40,631 --> 00:46:42,507
To get my job back.

692
00:46:44,176 --> 00:46:46,469
(SlNGlNG) Yeah, yeah

693
00:46:46,553 --> 00:46:48,679
l am great

694
00:46:48,764 --> 00:46:52,183
Yeah, yeah, l am. . .

695
00:46:52,267 --> 00:46:54,894
Good grief.
ls that what l'm driving?

696
00:46:59,149 --> 00:47:00,817
(ENGlNE STARTlNG)

697
00:47:02,069 --> 00:47:03,694
(ENGlNE REVVlNG)

698
00:47:04,947 --> 00:47:07,824
Whoa. Nice car, man.

699
00:47:07,908 --> 00:47:10,409
Yeah. lt gets me
from "A" to "B."

700
00:47:23,549 --> 00:47:27,510
Oh, darn.
All this horsepower
and no room to gallop.

701
00:47:30,430 --> 00:47:33,641
Heigh-ho, Silver, away!

702
00:47:40,065 --> 00:47:41,649
(MAN GROWLlNG)

703
00:47:41,733 --> 00:47:44,777
l certainly wouldn't
want to be a fugitive
on the run with Hank,

704
00:47:44,862 --> 00:47:47,446
Buffalo's number-one
police dog on the job.

705
00:47:47,531 --> 00:47:50,950
This is Phil Sidleman
reporting from the
Police Canine Training Center,

706
00:47:51,034 --> 00:47:52,702
Channel 5 News.

707
00:47:52,786 --> 00:47:53,953
And cut it.

708
00:47:56,999 --> 00:47:58,124
(BRUCE WHlSTLlNG)

709
00:47:58,208 --> 00:48:02,211
Hey! Hey!
Look what the cat coughed up!

710
00:48:02,296 --> 00:48:03,462
Channel 7, right?

711
00:48:03,505 --> 00:48:06,257
You're the guy
that went crazy?
l had a bad moment.

712
00:48:06,341 --> 00:48:09,385
What are you doing here?
Just looking for a story.

713
00:48:09,469 --> 00:48:13,014
There's no story here.
This pond is all fished out.

714
00:48:13,682 --> 00:48:16,726
Pretty standard stuff anyway.
l don't know.

715
00:48:16,810 --> 00:48:18,936
My instinct tells me
there's something more.

716
00:48:19,021 --> 00:48:22,148
Yeah? Well, go with that.
lt served you well
in the past, right?

717
00:48:25,152 --> 00:48:26,485
(BARKlNG)

718
00:48:30,198 --> 00:48:33,659
Hey! Hank found something !

719
00:48:33,744 --> 00:48:36,370
MAN 1 : Hey, we got a body!
MAN 2: Over here!

720
00:48:37,205 --> 00:48:39,665
Get the camera! Now!

721
00:48:39,750 --> 00:48:41,417
lt's locked,
and the keys are inside!

722
00:48:41,501 --> 00:48:43,961
l guess
every dog has his day.

723
00:48:44,046 --> 00:48:46,380
Hey, kid.
You wanna make 1 0 bucks?
Sure.

724
00:48:46,465 --> 00:48:47,840
You know how to
use one of these?

725
00:48:47,925 --> 00:48:48,966
Duh.

726
00:48:49,051 --> 00:48:50,343
(lMlTATlNG TRUMPET)

727
00:48:51,011 --> 00:48:53,596
Seems to be in tune.
Let's do this.

728
00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:56,641
The body of Jimmy Hoffa
was uncovered in a field today

729
00:48:56,725 --> 00:48:59,810
outside of
a canine training center
in Buffalo, New York.

730
00:49:00,187 --> 00:49:03,522
Bruce NoIan
was the first on the scene.
BRUCE: Thank you, Jane.

731
00:49:03,607 --> 00:49:06,943
As you can see behind us,
the body
is being carefully exhumed,

732
00:49:07,027 --> 00:49:09,028
and will be transported
to a medical facility,

733
00:49:09,112 --> 00:49:11,739
where D. N. A. testing
can confirm the identity.

734
00:49:11,823 --> 00:49:14,492
That, however,
merely a formality
at this point,

735
00:49:14,576 --> 00:49:18,120
as in a bizarre twist,
the body was found buried
with a birth certificate

736
00:49:18,205 --> 00:49:20,456
and complete set
of dental records.

737
00:49:20,540 --> 00:49:24,961
l'd call that a red-letter day
for any K-9 unit, but was
that enough for old Hank here?

738
00:49:25,045 --> 00:49:29,465
No, sirree.
Moments later, he busted
a local news camera crew

739
00:49:29,549 --> 00:49:32,718
with 220 pounds of marijuana.

740
00:49:32,803 --> 00:49:35,846
l never saw it before,
l swear!

741
00:49:38,809 --> 00:49:43,729
l'm Bruce Nolan,
and that's the way
the cookie crumbles.

742
00:49:46,483 --> 00:49:47,608
(ALL APPLAUDlNG)

743
00:49:47,693 --> 00:49:49,902
Yeah ! Did you like that?

744
00:49:52,322 --> 00:49:54,865
Yes. Thank you. Thank you.

745
00:49:54,950 --> 00:49:57,118
Hi, Bruce.
Oh, hi, Susan.

746
00:49:57,202 --> 00:49:59,453
Good work. l'm impressed.

747
00:50:03,917 --> 00:50:06,794
Jack, did you need me
for something?
Bruce! Bruce!

748
00:50:06,878 --> 00:50:08,754
Just the man l wanna see.
Hey.

749
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:13,217
Hoffa?
What are the odds of that?
What are the odds of that?

750
00:50:13,301 --> 00:50:15,594
Bruce, why don't you sit down?
Okay.

751
00:50:15,679 --> 00:50:19,348
l'm gonna be
straight with you.
We want you back, Bruce.

752
00:50:19,433 --> 00:50:23,561
But l want you to understand
it was not my decision
to let you go.

753
00:50:23,645 --> 00:50:25,312
When the big guy
gives the order, you got to. . .

754
00:50:25,397 --> 00:50:26,856
No harm, no foul, Jack.

755
00:50:26,940 --> 00:50:28,524
l needed some time
to reassess my goals

756
00:50:28,608 --> 00:50:30,234
and get in touch
with my true self.

757
00:50:30,277 --> 00:50:33,404
You did that in a day?
lmagine what l could do
with seven.

758
00:50:34,823 --> 00:50:37,783
Look, Bruce.
lt is not in my power
to give you anchor.

759
00:50:37,868 --> 00:50:40,828
Now, as far as
field reporting goes, if
you're looking for a bump. . .

760
00:50:40,912 --> 00:50:44,457
Jack, let's just cut the crap
and get down
to brass tacks here.

761
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:49,211
l'm kidding with you,
and you. . .

762
00:50:49,296 --> 00:50:54,300
l had you going, Jackie.
Don't even worry about it,
old friend.

763
00:50:54,384 --> 00:50:57,553
You just give me
a camera, Jack,
l'll give you the news.

764
00:50:57,637 --> 00:50:59,346
(A LITTLE LESS CONVERSATION
REMlX PLAYlNG)

765
00:50:59,473 --> 00:51:03,726
(TOlLET FLUSHlNG)
A IittIe Iess conversation
a IittIe more action

766
00:51:03,810 --> 00:51:06,520
All this aggravation
ain't "satisfactioning" me

767
00:51:06,605 --> 00:51:11,650
My secret is that
l let the jalapeños marinate
in a spicy sauce

768
00:51:12,152 --> 00:51:16,197
for at least 24 hours
before l stir it
into the chili.

769
00:51:16,281 --> 00:51:20,659
Then l let it all come
to a simmer b. . . Oh !

770
00:51:20,744 --> 00:51:22,411
(PEOPLE SCREAMlNG)

771
00:51:23,914 --> 00:51:25,247
Hold that thought, Hazel !

772
00:51:25,332 --> 00:51:29,126
lt seems as if an asteroid
or some kind of meteorite

773
00:51:29,211 --> 00:51:33,839
has just hit ground
right outside
the Mark Twain Chili Cook-Off.

774
00:51:33,924 --> 00:51:36,675
This should certainly
spice things up a bit.

775
00:51:37,094 --> 00:51:39,220
His stories are all over town.

776
00:51:39,304 --> 00:51:40,763
From unearthing Jimmy Hoffa. . .

777
00:51:40,847 --> 00:51:42,681
To a meteor
crashing to earth. . .

778
00:51:42,766 --> 00:51:45,976
Bruce Nolan is rapidly
becoming known as. . .

779
00:51:46,061 --> 00:51:47,603
(A LITTLE LESS CONVERSATION
REMlX PLAYlNG)

780
00:51:47,687 --> 00:51:51,607
Yeah
a IittIe Iess conversation
a IittIe more action

781
00:51:51,691 --> 00:51:55,111
AII this conversation
ain't "satisfactioning" me

782
00:51:55,904 --> 00:51:58,030
A IittIe more bite
and a IittIe more bark

783
00:51:58,115 --> 00:52:00,074
A little less fight
and a little more spark

784
00:52:00,867 --> 00:52:04,453
And that's the way
the cookie crumbles!

785
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:06,622
(WOMEN MOANlNG)

786
00:52:09,167 --> 00:52:11,335
DEBBlE:
Was this Bruce's idea?

787
00:52:11,419 --> 00:52:16,549
GRACE: He said he wanted me to
have a day of beauty
and luxurious serenity.

788
00:52:17,884 --> 00:52:21,220
l got to tell you.
He is really
impressing me lately.

789
00:52:21,304 --> 00:52:23,681
You know where he's taking me
to dinner tonight?

790
00:52:24,724 --> 00:52:26,058
Where?

791
00:52:28,478 --> 00:52:30,062
The Blue Palm?

792
00:52:31,898 --> 00:52:34,775
Oh, my gosh.
l just got chills.
l know.

793
00:52:34,860 --> 00:52:38,904
And he told me to prepare
for the most memorable night
of our entire lives.

794
00:52:38,989 --> 00:52:41,991
Oh, my gosh.
Grace, he's gonna propose.

795
00:52:42,075 --> 00:52:44,451
Stop it. No. Really?

796
00:52:44,536 --> 00:52:47,997
Yeah. Really. Come on.
You do the math.

797
00:52:48,081 --> 00:52:49,874
He sends you all day
to a beauty spa.

798
00:52:49,958 --> 00:52:52,042
He's taking you to
the most romantic restaurant,

799
00:52:52,127 --> 00:52:54,336
where you
had your first date.

800
00:52:54,421 --> 00:52:56,672
You know,
l never thought l'd say this,
but Bruce is right.

801
00:52:56,756 --> 00:52:57,798
This is your big night.

802
00:52:57,883 --> 00:53:00,509
Relax and enjoy it.
Oh, God.

803
00:53:00,594 --> 00:53:02,178
(CRUNCHlNG)

804
00:53:05,849 --> 00:53:09,268
MAN: WeIcome to
Eyewitness News at 6:00
with Susan Ortega,

805
00:53:09,644 --> 00:53:12,396
Evan Baxter,
Fred Donohue, sports,

806
00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:13,731
Dallas Coleman, weather.

807
00:53:13,815 --> 00:53:16,275
And now,
BuffaIo's number-one
news team.

808
00:53:16,359 --> 00:53:19,486
Good evening, and welcome
to Eyewitness News at 6:00.
l'm Susan Ortega.

809
00:53:19,571 --> 00:53:22,531
And l'm Evan Baxter,
and here's
what's making news.

810
00:53:22,616 --> 00:53:25,910
A potential scandal
with the Buffalo P. D.
surfaced today,

811
00:53:25,994 --> 00:53:27,036
when the mayor. . .

812
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:28,454
(CLEARlNG THROAT)

813
00:53:29,206 --> 00:53:31,248
(HlGH-PlTCHED BLABBERlNG)

814
00:53:33,376 --> 00:53:34,752
(EVANS CLEARlNG THROAT)

815
00:53:37,380 --> 00:53:39,548
(HlGH-PlTCHED)
l'm sorry. l'm seem to
have something stuck in my. . .

816
00:53:39,633 --> 00:53:41,467
Somebody get him some water.

817
00:53:41,551 --> 00:53:44,386
Looks like my new co-anchor
may need a glass of water.

818
00:53:44,471 --> 00:53:45,512
(LAUGHlNG SQUEAKlLY)

819
00:53:45,639 --> 00:53:47,306
(CLEARlNG THROAT)

820
00:53:48,642 --> 00:53:51,518
Oh. There we go.
Sorry about that.

821
00:53:51,603 --> 00:53:54,897
ln other news,
the prime minister of Sweden

822
00:53:54,981 --> 00:53:56,482
visited Washington today,

823
00:53:56,566 --> 00:53:59,485
and my tiny little nipples
went to France.

824
00:54:00,737 --> 00:54:03,572
What did he just say?
Check the prompter.

825
00:54:06,451 --> 00:54:09,411
The prompter's fine.
Evan, read the copy, please.

826
00:54:09,496 --> 00:54:11,830
The copy's good. Just read it.

827
00:54:11,915 --> 00:54:15,334
The White House reception
committee greeted
the prime rib roast minister,

828
00:54:15,418 --> 00:54:19,129
and l do the cha-cha
like a sissy girl.

829
00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:25,219
l "lika" do the cha-cha.

830
00:54:30,058 --> 00:54:34,103
l'm sorry.
We seem to be having
some technical difficulties.

831
00:54:34,187 --> 00:54:35,271
ln other news. . .

832
00:54:35,355 --> 00:54:37,022
(FARTlNG)

833
00:54:37,857 --> 00:54:38,983
(CLEARlNG THROAT)

834
00:54:39,067 --> 00:54:40,526
My apologies.

835
00:54:40,986 --> 00:54:42,861
(EVANS CLEARlNG THROAT)

836
00:54:43,738 --> 00:54:45,614
(BLABBERlNG GlBBERlSH)

837
00:54:47,117 --> 00:54:48,534
(CLEARlNG THROAT)

838
00:54:48,660 --> 00:54:50,995
(BLABBERlNG LOUDLY)

839
00:55:25,697 --> 00:55:27,239
(PlANO PLAYlNG SOFTLY)

840
00:55:33,079 --> 00:55:36,081
(SINGING)
If I ruIed the worId

841
00:55:37,542 --> 00:55:40,961
Every day would be
the first day of spring

842
00:55:43,465 --> 00:55:48,260
Every heart would have
a new song to sing

843
00:55:49,304 --> 00:55:51,555
And we'd sing

844
00:55:51,639 --> 00:55:55,392
Of the joy every morning
would bring

845
00:55:56,853 --> 00:55:59,104
If I ruIed the worId

846
00:56:01,441 --> 00:56:04,485
Every man
wouId be as free as a bird

847
00:56:05,153 --> 00:56:06,445
May l?
Certainly.

848
00:56:06,529 --> 00:56:07,529
Thank you.

849
00:56:07,614 --> 00:56:11,367
Every voice would be
a voice to be heard

850
00:56:12,619 --> 00:56:14,870
lt's perfect.
She'll love it.

851
00:56:14,954 --> 00:56:19,625
We would treasure each day
that occurs

852
00:56:20,210 --> 00:56:24,213
You know, l was gonna. . .

853
00:56:24,297 --> 00:56:26,882
l was gonna wait
until after the meal,

854
00:56:26,966 --> 00:56:29,551
but it's gonna burst out of me
like an alien
if l don't do it now.

855
00:56:29,636 --> 00:56:34,056
Oh, God. Oh, my God. Okay.

856
00:56:34,140 --> 00:56:38,977
This is it, isn't it?
l don't know. l don't know
if l'm ready for this.

857
00:56:39,062 --> 00:56:41,438
l mean, l'm ready for this.
l just don't know
if l would. . .

858
00:56:41,523 --> 00:56:43,982
l didn't think l would have. . .
l'm sorry. Go on.

859
00:56:44,067 --> 00:56:48,821
l didn't know
this was so important to you.
Me neither. Me neither.

860
00:56:48,905 --> 00:56:50,364
Oh.

861
00:56:51,533 --> 00:56:56,328
Grace.
Yes.

862
00:57:01,501 --> 00:57:03,210
l got anchor.

863
00:57:04,295 --> 00:57:05,587
(EXCLAlMS)

864
00:57:07,340 --> 00:57:08,757
Yes.

865
00:57:08,842 --> 00:57:11,635
Apparently,
it wasn't working out
with Evan,

866
00:57:11,719 --> 00:57:16,056
so he's gonna
finish out the week,
and l go live on Monday.

867
00:57:17,934 --> 00:57:22,020
That's great, honey.
That's great.
l know. l know.

868
00:57:22,105 --> 00:57:23,689
Wow.

869
00:57:26,025 --> 00:57:27,985
So that's what
this is all about?

870
00:57:28,069 --> 00:57:30,612
Well, yeah.
Yeah.

871
00:57:30,697 --> 00:57:32,030
Grace, we got anchor.

872
00:57:32,115 --> 00:57:33,657
Jack's throwing me a party
Friday night

873
00:57:33,741 --> 00:57:35,784
at the Vanderbilt estate
to celebrate.

874
00:57:35,869 --> 00:57:38,495
What's the matter?
Nothing.

875
00:57:38,580 --> 00:57:40,747
GIRL: Now I Iay me
down to sleep.

876
00:57:40,832 --> 00:57:42,291
l pray the Lord
my soul to keep.

877
00:57:42,375 --> 00:57:43,917
Oh, l feel so stupid.
l feel stupid.

878
00:57:44,002 --> 00:57:45,836
Wow, it is kind of
loud in here, isn't it?

879
00:57:45,962 --> 00:57:49,673
No, it's not loud.
Geez, can you keep it down
to a dull roar?

880
00:57:49,757 --> 00:57:51,467
What are you. . .
Thank you.

881
00:57:51,551 --> 00:57:52,676
ls that supposed to be funny?

882
00:57:52,760 --> 00:57:54,470
'Cause that is not funny.
If I shouId die
before I wake.

883
00:57:54,554 --> 00:57:56,805
l pray the Lord
my soul to take.
What are you saying?

884
00:57:56,890 --> 00:57:59,141
What is wrong with you?
Stop yelling !

885
00:57:59,225 --> 00:58:00,517
(VOICES PRAYING)

886
00:58:00,602 --> 00:58:05,606
Uh, would you excuse me?
l think l'll take
a little trip to the. . .

887
00:58:05,690 --> 00:58:07,024
(VOICES RECITING
THE LORD'S PRAYER)

888
00:58:07,108 --> 00:58:09,776
The wine is going
right through me.

889
00:58:09,861 --> 00:58:13,113
l'm sorry.
l'm so sorry. l'm sorry.

890
00:58:13,198 --> 00:58:15,199
BRUCE: Keep going, Tony!
You're great!
Oh, God.

891
00:58:17,994 --> 00:58:23,582
What is going on here?
Oh, what is this?
Give me a break!

892
00:58:29,130 --> 00:58:30,881
Really something, isn't it?

893
00:58:33,676 --> 00:58:35,719
ls this heaven?

894
00:58:35,803 --> 00:58:38,347
No, this is Mount Everest.

895
00:58:38,431 --> 00:58:41,892
You should flip on
the Discovery Channel
from time to time.

896
00:58:41,976 --> 00:58:45,604
But l guess you can't now,
being dead and all.

897
00:58:46,689 --> 00:58:49,775
l'm dead?
Nah, l'm just
messing with you.

898
00:58:49,901 --> 00:58:54,530
That's not funny, man.
That is not funny!
Okay.

899
00:58:54,614 --> 00:58:56,990
And what about the voices
in my head?

900
00:58:57,075 --> 00:59:00,118
ls that part of the hilarity?
No, those are prayers.

901
00:59:00,203 --> 00:59:03,288
And you keep ignoring them,
they're gonna build up
on you like that.

902
00:59:03,373 --> 00:59:06,792
But it's just noise.
l can't understand them.

903
00:59:06,876 --> 00:59:09,378
Well, you're
not listening, son.

904
00:59:09,462 --> 00:59:11,213
Let's see.

905
00:59:11,923 --> 00:59:14,550
You've had my powers
for a little over a week now.

906
00:59:14,634 --> 00:59:16,802
How many people
have you helped?

907
00:59:20,473 --> 00:59:22,349
l took care of a few things.

908
00:59:22,433 --> 00:59:25,811
l righted a few wrongs
in my own life first, okay?

909
00:59:25,895 --> 00:59:27,980
l was gonna help the others.

910
00:59:28,106 --> 00:59:31,441
l think
l could help the world.
The world?

911
00:59:31,526 --> 00:59:33,360
That wasn't the world.

912
00:59:33,444 --> 00:59:36,863
That was just Buffalo
between 57th Street
and Commonwealth.

913
00:59:38,533 --> 00:59:39,575
Oh.

914
00:59:39,659 --> 00:59:43,036
l didn't want to
start you off with more
than you could handle.

915
00:59:43,121 --> 00:59:46,707
Well, you took the job, Bruce,
so l suggest you get to it.

916
00:59:48,167 --> 00:59:51,086
GIRL: Seeing him smiIe
would make me so happy.

917
00:59:51,170 --> 00:59:54,673
Prayers, prayers.
Okay, prayers. Oh !

918
00:59:54,757 --> 00:59:56,675
This creepy whisper thing
has to end.

919
00:59:56,759 --> 00:59:59,011
Organization and management
is what l need.

920
00:59:59,095 --> 01:00:03,724
l need a system.
Something concrete.
Concentrate!

921
01:00:04,559 --> 01:00:06,226
Files.

922
01:00:06,311 --> 01:00:09,521
Let all prayers
be organized into files.

923
01:00:13,901 --> 01:00:17,654
Well, that takes care
of the voices. Not exactly
a space saver though.

924
01:00:18,781 --> 01:00:23,619
Grace might notice.
l know. Prayer Post-lts!

925
01:00:29,375 --> 01:00:30,626
(BARKlNG)

926
01:00:31,377 --> 01:00:32,753
Shh !

927
01:00:38,551 --> 01:00:42,929
Okay, l need something
with a lock, security,
combination, a password.

928
01:00:44,265 --> 01:00:45,766
A password.

929
01:00:46,100 --> 01:00:47,267
MAN: Yahweh!

930
01:00:49,687 --> 01:00:51,146
You've got prayers.

931
01:00:52,398 --> 01:00:55,734
"Welcome to the revelation
superhighway.

932
01:00:55,818 --> 01:00:59,029
"We bless. No mess."
Downloading now.

933
01:01:02,367 --> 01:01:04,076
lt's good. lt's good.

934
01:01:06,996 --> 01:01:09,081
This is gonna take a while.

935
01:01:10,458 --> 01:01:12,125
(BlRDS CHATTERlNG)

936
01:01:14,754 --> 01:01:16,505
One million and five hundred
forty seven thousand

937
01:01:16,589 --> 01:01:19,216
five hundred and three
prayer requests?

938
01:01:21,928 --> 01:01:24,012
l'd better manifest
some coffee.

939
01:01:27,016 --> 01:01:29,434
Hola, Juan Valdéz.

940
01:01:30,687 --> 01:01:32,396
Buenos días.
Buenos días.

941
01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:35,357
Disfrute un buen café.
Gracias, señor.

942
01:01:35,441 --> 01:01:38,151
Adiós.
Adiós.

943
01:01:42,657 --> 01:01:43,990
(EXCLAlMS)

944
01:01:44,158 --> 01:01:48,245
Now, that's fresh
mountain-grown coffee
from the hills of Colombia.

945
01:02:09,559 --> 01:02:12,310
lt's good. lt's good !

946
01:02:16,357 --> 01:02:19,985
Okay, l had to have made
some kind of a dent by now.

947
01:02:22,405 --> 01:02:24,156
Oh, come on !

948
01:02:26,409 --> 01:02:29,995
What a bunch of whiners.
This is gonna suck up
my whole life.

949
01:02:31,664 --> 01:02:33,248
You know what?

950
01:02:35,835 --> 01:02:37,878
Yes to all !

951
01:02:38,963 --> 01:02:42,966
Yeah, there you go.
Now everybody's happy.

952
01:02:43,426 --> 01:02:45,719
(GOD GAVE ME EVERYTHING
PLAYlNG)

953
01:02:51,851 --> 01:02:55,854
l'll drink to that.
My tech stocks
tripled in five days.

954
01:02:55,938 --> 01:02:58,356
You know something, Joe?
You seem taller.

955
01:02:58,441 --> 01:02:59,441
l am.

956
01:02:59,525 --> 01:03:00,942
My daughter pitched
a no-hitter.

957
01:03:01,027 --> 01:03:04,112
l lost 47 pounds
on the Krispy Kreme diet.

958
01:03:04,197 --> 01:03:07,324
Hey, there he is,
the man of the hour!

959
01:03:07,408 --> 01:03:11,369
Bless you. Bless all of you.

960
01:03:11,454 --> 01:03:15,707
Be fruitful
and do long division
or something.

961
01:03:16,334 --> 01:03:18,502
Hey, try that.
lt's an excellent year.

962
01:03:18,586 --> 01:03:20,295
Hey, Bruce.
Hey.

963
01:03:20,379 --> 01:03:21,588
Who do you like
in the game tonight?

964
01:03:21,672 --> 01:03:25,133
l like the Sabres.
Coach prays a lot.
Okay.

965
01:03:27,512 --> 01:03:31,181
(MAN SINGING)
And I hear it
in the windy storm

966
01:03:31,265 --> 01:03:34,726
And l feel it in the icy dawn

967
01:03:35,937 --> 01:03:39,564
God gave me everything I want,
now, come on

968
01:03:39,649 --> 01:03:43,235
l'll give it all to you, babe

969
01:03:43,402 --> 01:03:45,987
(TELEPHONE RlNGlNG)
God gave me everything I want

970
01:03:46,572 --> 01:03:49,407
BRUCE ON ANSWERING MACHINE:
Hey, this is Bruce, Grace
and Sam. Leave a message.

971
01:03:49,492 --> 01:03:51,201
Grace, are you there?

972
01:03:51,285 --> 01:03:52,786
Hello. lt's me.

973
01:03:53,120 --> 01:03:55,622
Hello? Hello, hello,
hello, hello, hello.

974
01:03:55,706 --> 01:03:57,958
Come on, Grace.
Come to the party.

975
01:03:58,960 --> 01:04:00,627
l'll call you later, okay?

976
01:04:01,420 --> 01:04:02,712
(MOANlNG)

977
01:04:03,422 --> 01:04:04,923
Come on, Sam.

978
01:04:08,261 --> 01:04:09,302
Help me out here.

979
01:04:09,720 --> 01:04:11,805
MAN ON TV:
Nature's not doing it.

980
01:04:11,889 --> 01:04:14,641
What'd you wish when you...
GRACE: Oh, Sam, don't!
Come on !

981
01:04:14,767 --> 01:04:17,352
Come on. TeII me.
MARY: lf l told you,
it might not come true.

982
01:04:17,436 --> 01:04:20,397
What is it you want, Mary?
What do you want?

983
01:04:20,481 --> 01:04:22,232
You... You want the moon?

984
01:04:22,316 --> 01:04:25,694
Just say the word, and
I'II throw a Iasso around it
and pull it down.

985
01:04:25,778 --> 01:04:28,029
Hey, that's
a pretty good idea.

986
01:04:28,114 --> 01:04:30,574
l'll give you the moon, Mary.
I'II take it.

987
01:04:31,659 --> 01:04:33,034
Then what?

988
01:04:33,119 --> 01:04:36,705
Well, then you could
swallow it,
and it'll all dissolve, see?

989
01:04:36,789 --> 01:04:40,292
The moonbeams wouId shoot out
of your fingers and your toes

990
01:04:40,376 --> 01:04:41,751
and the ends of your hair...

991
01:04:41,961 --> 01:04:43,670
(PEOPLE CHATTERlNG)

992
01:04:50,803 --> 01:04:52,345
(PHONE RINGING)

993
01:04:54,181 --> 01:04:56,641
ANSWERING MACHINE:
Hey, this is Bruce,
Grace and Sam...

994
01:04:58,144 --> 01:04:59,644
SUSAN: Hi, Bruce.

995
01:05:02,356 --> 01:05:04,107
What are you doing in here
all alone?

996
01:05:04,191 --> 01:05:07,944
Oh, l was just gonna. . .
Oh, l mean. . .

997
01:05:10,823 --> 01:05:13,700
l was gonna give Grace a call.

998
01:05:13,784 --> 01:05:15,493
Yeah, l didn't
see her in there.

999
01:05:15,578 --> 01:05:18,496
So, how are
you and Grace doing?

1000
01:05:18,581 --> 01:05:21,875
Well, actually,
we had a bit of a fight.

1001
01:05:21,959 --> 01:05:24,794
Kind of. . .
l'm not sure if she's. . .

1002
01:05:24,879 --> 01:05:26,463
You're on fire, Bruce.

1003
01:05:27,465 --> 01:05:29,758
Some women
can't handle the fire.

1004
01:05:30,676 --> 01:05:32,177
Some can.

1005
01:05:32,845 --> 01:05:37,223
That's interesting, 'cause,
you know, l never thought
we would ever talk.

1006
01:05:37,391 --> 01:05:38,892
(SUSAN MOANlNG)

1007
01:05:40,519 --> 01:05:42,103
(BRUCE MOANlNG RELUCTANTLY)

1008
01:05:48,069 --> 01:05:49,569
Grace!

1009
01:05:56,077 --> 01:05:57,994
(WOMAN SINGING)
Everything so confusing

1010
01:05:58,079 --> 01:06:01,957
You might wanna
stop touching me.
Now isn't a good time. Grace!

1011
01:06:02,041 --> 01:06:03,625
Maybe l'm just out of my mind

1012
01:06:03,709 --> 01:06:06,711
Grace! Grace, come here!

1013
01:06:07,296 --> 01:06:10,173
Grace, this is so weird.
l was just calling you.

1014
01:06:10,257 --> 01:06:11,257
Oh, yeah. What?

1015
01:06:11,342 --> 01:06:13,885
And you thought, like,
Susan's mouth was the phone?

1016
01:06:13,970 --> 01:06:15,929
She kissed me. l didn't. . .
l'm the "kissee."

1017
01:06:16,013 --> 01:06:17,055
Oh, please.
Grace. . .

1018
01:06:17,139 --> 01:06:18,598
Yeah, you were putting up
a really big fight.

1019
01:06:18,683 --> 01:06:21,476
l tried to fight her off.
l tried to stop her,
but she's really strong.

1020
01:06:21,560 --> 01:06:23,979
Okay, l screwed up.
Can l make it up to you?

1021
01:06:24,063 --> 01:06:27,148
Yeah ! Why don't
you get me a boat, Bruce.

1022
01:06:27,233 --> 01:06:28,692
What?
Yeah, a big boat.

1023
01:06:28,776 --> 01:06:32,821
And then maybe
two big bags of cash. Then. . .
Then l'll be happy.

1024
01:06:32,905 --> 01:06:34,990
Lots of money
and lots of stuff.

1025
01:06:35,074 --> 01:06:38,118
Other people want idiotic
crap like getting married
or having babies

1026
01:06:38,202 --> 01:06:40,036
with the man that
they've loved for five years.

1027
01:06:40,121 --> 01:06:43,248
But not me, Bruce.
Just give me the boat.

1028
01:06:43,332 --> 01:06:45,000
No wonder you stayed single!

1029
01:06:45,084 --> 01:06:48,670
Oh ! Grace, don't do this!
l'm not doing this.

1030
01:06:48,754 --> 01:06:50,672
l'm undoing it.
l'll be at Debbie's.

1031
01:06:50,756 --> 01:06:52,590
You take care of Sam
until l can make arrangements.

1032
01:06:55,928 --> 01:06:57,887
You can't leave me.

1033
01:06:59,432 --> 01:07:03,977
l'm the alpha, lady!
l'm the omega, baby!

1034
01:07:05,146 --> 01:07:07,564
Okay, fine. l don't need you.

1035
01:07:13,779 --> 01:07:18,241
What's the matter, Bruce?
She can't handle
a little competition?

1036
01:07:19,285 --> 01:07:21,661
The game's been called
on account of rain.

1037
01:07:37,261 --> 01:07:41,890
An unusually high number
of lottery winners has
New York officiaIs concerned.

1038
01:07:41,974 --> 01:07:44,768
So far, 1 ,1 00 winning tickets
have been turned in,

1039
01:07:44,852 --> 01:07:47,645
all strangely
from the BuffaIo area.

1040
01:07:48,647 --> 01:07:50,648
More on this story
as it develops.

1041
01:07:51,817 --> 01:07:53,693
Enjoying your party?

1042
01:07:53,778 --> 01:07:56,988
Nothing like
spending quality time
with great friends, huh?

1043
01:07:59,075 --> 01:08:01,242
Grace left me.

1044
01:08:01,327 --> 01:08:03,203
Yeah, l know.

1045
01:08:03,287 --> 01:08:04,788
She'll take me back.

1046
01:08:08,167 --> 01:08:11,669
She'll take me back, right?
Would you take you back?

1047
01:08:15,424 --> 01:08:16,925
Oh.

1048
01:08:17,718 --> 01:08:21,930
How do you make
somebody love you
without affecting free will?

1049
01:08:22,014 --> 01:08:24,140
Welcome to my world, son.

1050
01:08:24,225 --> 01:08:27,769
You come up
with an answer to that one,
you let me know.

1051
01:08:37,029 --> 01:08:39,280
(ALARM BEEPlNG)
MAN: Rise and shine, Buffalo.

1052
01:08:39,365 --> 01:08:43,284
lt's 70 and sunny,
and the perfect day
to forgive Bruce.

1053
01:08:43,369 --> 01:08:45,870
(MAN SINGING)
I don't know much

1054
01:08:46,956 --> 01:08:49,833
But l know l love you

1055
01:08:53,629 --> 01:08:55,964
Bye.
Have fun.

1056
01:08:56,048 --> 01:08:57,298
You got it.

1057
01:08:57,383 --> 01:09:01,761
(WOMAN SINGING)
Every point of view
has another angle

1058
01:09:02,388 --> 01:09:05,682
And every angle has its merit

1059
01:09:05,766 --> 01:09:09,227
And do you ever feel

1060
01:09:09,728 --> 01:09:13,231
That there
is something missing

1061
01:09:15,151 --> 01:09:19,654
There's a God-shaped hoIe
in aII of us

1062
01:09:19,738 --> 01:09:20,989
And the restIess souI
is searching

1063
01:09:21,073 --> 01:09:23,449
Hi. Can l get
a small coffee to go?

1064
01:09:23,534 --> 01:09:24,659
Sure, hon. Just a sec.

1065
01:09:24,743 --> 01:09:29,664
MAN ON TV: K-TeI Records
brings you the 1 00 greatest
love songs of all time.

1066
01:09:29,748 --> 01:09:33,168
You'II hear such cIassics as
"AII You Need Is Bruce."

1067
01:09:33,252 --> 01:09:37,005
"If You Can't Be
With The One You Love,
Then Love Bruce."

1068
01:09:37,089 --> 01:09:39,465
"Do That To Bruce
One More Time."

1069
01:09:39,550 --> 01:09:44,512
And who can forget
that cIassic, "Bruce So Horny,
He Love You Long Time."

1070
01:09:44,597 --> 01:09:49,893
Order today and we'll throw in
at no extra charge
the video Sweatin' To Bruce.

1071
01:09:49,977 --> 01:09:56,107
Just diaI 1-900-4GIV HIM.
That's 1-900-4GIV HIM.
Do it now.

1072
01:09:56,192 --> 01:09:59,569
(WOMAN SINGING)
Do you ever feel

1073
01:09:59,653 --> 01:10:02,780
That there
is something missing

1074
01:10:04,950 --> 01:10:09,787
There's a God-shaped hoIe
in aII of us

1075
01:10:09,872 --> 01:10:14,209
And the restIess souI
is searching

1076
01:10:14,293 --> 01:10:19,005
There's a God-shaped hoIe
in aII of us

1077
01:10:19,089 --> 01:10:24,594
And it's a void
only he can fill

1078
01:10:24,678 --> 01:10:27,222
Oh, no, no, no. Honey, no.
Oh, gosh, please
don't put that in your mouth.

1079
01:10:27,306 --> 01:10:29,182
We don't eat that.
Oh, that's not food.

1080
01:10:29,266 --> 01:10:33,937
Go to the bathroom, please.
Wash out your mouth.
Wash off your hands.

1081
01:10:34,021 --> 01:10:36,689
God, l swear that kid
is gonna poop an ornament.

1082
01:10:36,774 --> 01:10:39,984
One more time,
you're gonna be
in a lot of trouble.

1083
01:10:40,986 --> 01:10:43,446
All right.
That's it! That's it!

1084
01:10:44,281 --> 01:10:45,657
Hi.

1085
01:10:46,408 --> 01:10:50,286
l surrender!
l surrender! l surrender.

1086
01:10:54,166 --> 01:10:55,667
Hi.
Hi.

1087
01:10:59,838 --> 01:11:06,094
l'm doing
my first anchor tonight.
Oh, wow! That's great!

1088
01:11:06,178 --> 01:11:07,929
So how have you been doing?
Good.

1089
01:11:08,013 --> 01:11:09,847
Yeah?
Yeah. Good.

1090
01:11:10,766 --> 01:11:14,686
Just. . .
Debbie won the lottery.
Oh, yeah? You're kidding.

1091
01:11:14,770 --> 01:11:20,275
But l guess so did
400,000 other people,
so she only won, like, $1 7.

1092
01:11:23,737 --> 01:11:25,029
l miss you.

1093
01:11:28,784 --> 01:11:30,660
Okay.

1094
01:11:30,744 --> 01:11:34,580
l took the first step.
Jumped out on the ledge.

1095
01:11:36,333 --> 01:11:37,959
Feeling pretty vulnerable too.

1096
01:11:38,043 --> 01:11:39,252
l don't know
what you want me to say.

1097
01:11:39,336 --> 01:11:40,878
Just say you love me
and you want me back.

1098
01:11:41,005 --> 01:11:44,382
No, Bruce.
Come on.
What about all the signs?

1099
01:11:44,466 --> 01:11:48,303
How did you know about that?
Did you talk to Debbie?

1100
01:11:48,387 --> 01:11:51,431
Look, would it help
if l just said that
l was a complete ass?

1101
01:11:51,515 --> 01:11:54,183
Hey, you said "ass."
Yeah, but it's okay

1102
01:11:54,268 --> 01:11:55,560
if l'm talking about a donkey.

1103
01:11:55,602 --> 01:11:58,855
l didn't say "hole."
lf l said "ass". . .
Wait! Wait!

1104
01:11:58,939 --> 01:12:01,107
Okay, you know what, honey?
Let's go. Let's go inside.

1105
01:12:01,191 --> 01:12:04,235
All right, kids.
Everybody inside.
Time to go inside.

1106
01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:08,990
Grace, please,
none of this seems right
without you.

1107
01:12:13,495 --> 01:12:14,954
Yeah, l got to go.

1108
01:12:15,789 --> 01:12:17,081
Wait!

1109
01:12:24,006 --> 01:12:25,673
How do you feel now?

1110
01:12:29,011 --> 01:12:31,804
Have you completely
lost your mind?

1111
01:12:31,930 --> 01:12:35,558
What? Are you drunk?
Yeah, l'm drunk.
Drunk with power.

1112
01:12:40,731 --> 01:12:43,900
Love me. Love me.

1113
01:12:44,735 --> 01:12:47,945
Love me. Love me!

1114
01:12:49,823 --> 01:12:51,074
l did.

1115
01:13:03,962 --> 01:13:06,964
Yeah, l know, free will.
Oh, God.

1116
01:13:07,383 --> 01:13:11,844
More power outages
reported today caused by
Iast week's meteorite strike.

1117
01:13:11,929 --> 01:13:15,681
OfficiaIs are desperateIy
trying to repair
severaI transformers

1118
01:13:15,766 --> 01:13:18,059
damaged by
the ensuing electrical surge.

1119
01:13:18,143 --> 01:13:19,685
The scene
nearly turned violent

1120
01:13:19,770 --> 01:13:22,105
when hundreds of
disgruntled Buffalo residents

1121
01:13:22,189 --> 01:13:25,191
protested last week's
lottery results.

1122
01:13:25,275 --> 01:13:28,736
And doomsayers are pointing
to Iast week's
strange celestial events

1123
01:13:28,821 --> 01:13:31,906
as signs that prophesy
is now being fulfilled

1124
01:13:31,990 --> 01:13:34,325
and the worId as we know it
may be coming to an end.

1125
01:13:35,994 --> 01:13:37,036
World's gone mad.

1126
01:13:37,454 --> 01:13:39,330
Bruce, 30 seconds to air.
Okay. Okay.

1127
01:13:39,415 --> 01:13:42,542
There you are.
lt's your big debut.
How are you feeling?

1128
01:13:42,626 --> 01:13:46,170
You know what? Fine.
Never better.

1129
01:13:46,255 --> 01:13:47,713
Show must go on, right?

1130
01:13:51,635 --> 01:13:55,430
The Sabres just won
the Stanley Cup.
You're kidding me!

1131
01:13:55,514 --> 01:13:58,015
Was that tonight?
That's great, isn't it?

1132
01:13:58,100 --> 01:13:59,934
lt's getting pretty crazy
out there.

1133
01:14:00,018 --> 01:14:02,770
We're gonna kick live to Fred
at the stadium, okay?

1134
01:14:02,855 --> 01:14:05,273
Five seconds to the open.
This is it.

1135
01:14:05,357 --> 01:14:07,316
You ready?
Born that way.

1136
01:14:07,401 --> 01:14:10,570
MAN: WeIcome to
Eyewitness News at 6:00,
with Susan Ortega,

1137
01:14:11,447 --> 01:14:12,947
Bruce Nolan,

1138
01:14:13,031 --> 01:14:15,908
Fred Donohue, sports,
Dallas Coleman, weather.

1139
01:14:15,993 --> 01:14:18,119
And now, Buffalo's
number-one news team.

1140
01:14:18,203 --> 01:14:20,329
l'm Susan Ortega.
l'm Bruce Nolan.

1141
01:14:20,414 --> 01:14:22,582
And here's what's making news.

1142
01:14:23,709 --> 01:14:26,210
What happened?
What the hell happened?
We lost power.

1143
01:14:26,295 --> 01:14:28,504
Transformer's down again.
Oh, geez.

1144
01:14:28,589 --> 01:14:30,631
Ever since that
damn meteorite hit.

1145
01:14:32,718 --> 01:14:34,010
lt's okay. We're back up.

1146
01:14:34,261 --> 01:14:35,261
We apologize
for the interruption.

1147
01:14:35,554 --> 01:14:37,138
And now back to the news.
Bruce.

1148
01:14:37,222 --> 01:14:38,639
Thank you, Susan.
l'm sorry.

1149
01:14:38,724 --> 01:14:40,975
We're going live
to H. S. B. C. Arena,

1150
01:14:41,059 --> 01:14:44,312
where the Buffalo Sabres
have won the Stanley Cup.

1151
01:14:44,396 --> 01:14:45,605
Great.
Fred.

1152
01:14:45,689 --> 01:14:47,565
We're about to uncork
some champagne

1153
01:14:47,649 --> 01:14:53,196
because the Sabres have won
their first championship
in 22 years!

1154
01:14:55,616 --> 01:14:57,241
What in the blue blazes. . .

1155
01:14:57,326 --> 01:15:01,996
We'll be back with the
Sabres' Stanley Cup victory
in just a hot second.

1156
01:15:02,080 --> 01:15:05,124
ln other news. . . Bloody hell !

1157
01:15:05,250 --> 01:15:07,543
For the love of God,
what is it now?
The whole booth is down.

1158
01:15:07,628 --> 01:15:11,964
No, it's not! ln other news,
fighting erupted

1159
01:15:12,049 --> 01:15:17,053
in the Gaza Strip today,
as lsraelis
and Palestinians. . .

1160
01:15:17,137 --> 01:15:18,346
Bruce.
What?

1161
01:15:18,430 --> 01:15:21,682
We've got a situation here.
They're rioting
right outside the station.

1162
01:15:21,767 --> 01:15:25,061
You're kidding.
The whole town has gone crazy.

1163
01:15:29,942 --> 01:15:32,693
Come on, Bruce.
Say something.

1164
01:15:32,778 --> 01:15:36,239
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
this just in.

1165
01:15:36,949 --> 01:15:42,328
Possibly, the biggest
breaking news story
this town has ever seen.

1166
01:15:49,586 --> 01:15:51,379
And l got to go.

1167
01:15:52,673 --> 01:15:54,298
l'm sorry, Jack.

1168
01:15:55,592 --> 01:15:57,802
Susan, it's all yours.

1169
01:16:01,306 --> 01:16:05,268
MAN 1 : Sabres! Sabres rule!

1170
01:16:05,394 --> 01:16:07,478
(PEOPLE CHEERlNG)

1171
01:16:08,146 --> 01:16:11,899
MAN 2: Repent!
The end is near! Repent!

1172
01:16:16,488 --> 01:16:19,448
Come back
with my bubble gum machine!

1173
01:16:24,288 --> 01:16:29,208
The lottery sucks!
l only won 1 7 bucks!

1174
01:16:31,169 --> 01:16:33,879
MAN 2: Channel 7 fries!

1175
01:16:33,964 --> 01:16:36,716
Oh ! Oh, no!

1176
01:16:48,854 --> 01:16:52,398
God !

1177
01:16:53,692 --> 01:16:55,151
God?

1178
01:16:56,528 --> 01:16:58,029
Are you here?

1179
01:17:01,491 --> 01:17:07,622
Hello? l need your help.
Clap on. Clap on.

1180
01:17:07,706 --> 01:17:11,417
Clap on ! Clap on ! Clap on !

1181
01:17:15,297 --> 01:17:16,672
Figures!

1182
01:17:20,302 --> 01:17:23,638
Well, hello there,
Bruce Almighty.

1183
01:17:23,805 --> 01:17:25,181
(CHUCKLlNG)

1184
01:17:26,224 --> 01:17:30,019
Not as easy as it looks,
is it, son?
This God business.

1185
01:17:30,979 --> 01:17:32,730
They're all out of control.

1186
01:17:33,649 --> 01:17:36,359
lt's mayhem.
l don't know what to do.

1187
01:17:36,443 --> 01:17:39,403
Well, you're
right on time, 7:00.

1188
01:17:42,491 --> 01:17:44,283
The seventh at 7:00.

1189
01:17:59,007 --> 01:18:01,467
All righty then.

1190
01:18:03,553 --> 01:18:07,098
There we are.
lt's good. lt's good !

1191
01:18:08,725 --> 01:18:10,601
lt's a wonderful thing.

1192
01:18:10,686 --> 01:18:15,481
No matter how filthy
something gets, you can
always clean it right up.

1193
01:18:16,733 --> 01:18:19,819
There were so many,
l just gave them all
what they wanted.

1194
01:18:19,903 --> 01:18:21,112
Yeah.

1195
01:18:22,322 --> 01:18:25,991
But since when does
anyone have a clue
about what they want?

1196
01:18:28,662 --> 01:18:30,830
So what do l do?

1197
01:18:33,959 --> 01:18:37,503
Parting your soup
is not a miracle, Bruce.
lt's a magic trick.

1198
01:18:39,089 --> 01:18:41,590
A single mom
who's working two jobs

1199
01:18:41,675 --> 01:18:44,468
and still finds time
to take her kid
to soccer practice,

1200
01:18:44,553 --> 01:18:46,053
that's a miracle.

1201
01:18:46,138 --> 01:18:48,013
A teenager
who says no to drugs

1202
01:18:48,098 --> 01:18:51,809
and yes to an education,
that's a miracle.

1203
01:18:53,478 --> 01:18:55,521
People want me
to do everything for them.

1204
01:18:55,605 --> 01:18:58,941
But what they don't realize
is they have the power.

1205
01:19:00,110 --> 01:19:04,155
You wanna see a miracle, son?
Be the miracle.

1206
01:19:08,326 --> 01:19:10,161
Wait. Are you leaving?

1207
01:19:11,163 --> 01:19:13,998
Yeah. l see that
you can handle things now.

1208
01:19:14,082 --> 01:19:17,168
But what if l need you.
What if l have questions?

1209
01:19:17,252 --> 01:19:21,589
That's your problem, Bruce.
That's everybody's problem.

1210
01:19:21,673 --> 01:19:23,174
You keep looking up.

1211
01:19:23,258 --> 01:19:24,717
(GOD CLAPPlNG)

1212
01:19:27,637 --> 01:19:31,766
REPORTER: Order has been
restored in BuffaIo after
this evening's downtown riot.

1213
01:19:31,850 --> 01:19:36,687
State officiaIs have suspended
all lottery sales
pending further investigation.

1214
01:19:36,772 --> 01:19:40,733
No injuries were reported
in the melee, however,
there were dozens...

1215
01:20:19,815 --> 01:20:24,193
(MAN SINGING)
l've got to be honest
l think you know

1216
01:20:24,736 --> 01:20:29,198
We're covered in Iies
and that's okay

1217
01:20:29,282 --> 01:20:30,324
Okay.

1218
01:20:30,408 --> 01:20:32,368
There's somewhere
beyond this l know

1219
01:20:32,452 --> 01:20:34,495
Well, thanks a million.
Oh, not a problem.

1220
01:20:34,579 --> 01:20:35,788
God bless.

1221
01:20:35,872 --> 01:20:38,415
Hope l can find
the words to say

1222
01:20:39,751 --> 01:20:41,335
Never again, no

1223
01:20:41,419 --> 01:20:45,339
Bruce giveth
and Bruce taketh away.

1224
01:20:45,423 --> 01:20:48,342
lf you don't like it,
megabyte me.

1225
01:20:48,426 --> 01:20:53,264
'Cause you're a god
and I am not

1226
01:20:53,348 --> 01:20:56,851
And l just thought
that you would know

1227
01:20:56,935 --> 01:20:59,478
Evan.
Bruce.

1228
01:21:02,065 --> 01:21:04,817
l suppose you're here
to gloat about
the anchor position.

1229
01:21:04,901 --> 01:21:08,779
Go ahead. Take your best shot.
Actually, l. . .

1230
01:21:10,574 --> 01:21:13,868
l just came to tell you
that l've been a royal prick.

1231
01:21:13,952 --> 01:21:17,496
The anchor position is yours.
l turned down the job.

1232
01:21:17,581 --> 01:21:20,666
Oh, and l never really
congratulated you
in the first place.

1233
01:21:21,960 --> 01:21:23,294
Congratulations.

1234
01:21:23,378 --> 01:21:26,255
'Cause you're a God
and I am not

1235
01:21:26,339 --> 01:21:28,090
Thanks, Bruce.

1236
01:21:28,174 --> 01:21:31,093
ln the financial world,
things are settling
back to normaI

1237
01:21:31,177 --> 01:21:34,388
in what analysts are calling
a fIuke market fIuctuation.

1238
01:21:34,472 --> 01:21:37,224
You made the right move, Jack.
So what about you?

1239
01:21:37,309 --> 01:21:39,435
Are you ready
to go back out there?

1240
01:21:40,353 --> 01:21:43,188
And do the cutesy stuff?
The lighter side of the news?

1241
01:21:43,273 --> 01:21:47,192
Lower and debase myself
for the amusement
of total strangers?

1242
01:21:47,319 --> 01:21:50,779
Yeah, l could do that.
Sounds like fun.
Good.

1243
01:21:52,032 --> 01:21:55,534
Okay, Sammy,
let's do it right,
like all the other dogs.

1244
01:21:55,619 --> 01:21:58,078
l don't wanna
make you feel bad,
but they're laughing at you.

1245
01:21:58,163 --> 01:21:59,288
They're laughing at you.

1246
01:21:59,372 --> 01:22:03,709
Come on. Concentrate.
There you go. Come on.
Pump it out if you have to.

1247
01:22:03,793 --> 01:22:05,669
What am l gonna do with you?

1248
01:22:06,171 --> 01:22:07,379
(SlGHS)

1249
01:22:08,632 --> 01:22:11,258
l know this seems
kind of crazy,

1250
01:22:11,343 --> 01:22:15,888
but desperate times
calls for desperate measures.

1251
01:22:15,972 --> 01:22:19,600
Yeah. Okay. Okay, Sammy.

1252
01:22:19,684 --> 01:22:21,435
Do your thing.

1253
01:22:21,519 --> 01:22:25,439
That's it. That's it.
Good boy!

1254
01:22:27,150 --> 01:22:28,567
Training my dog.

1255
01:22:30,445 --> 01:22:35,491
'Cause you're a God
and I am not

1256
01:22:35,575 --> 01:22:40,245
And l just thought
that you would know

1257
01:22:40,330 --> 01:22:45,125
You're a God and I am not

1258
01:22:45,210 --> 01:22:48,629
And l just thought
l'd let you go

1259
01:22:48,713 --> 01:22:52,466
Yes, we did it! We did it!

1260
01:22:52,592 --> 01:22:54,718
(MlMlCKlNG SNOOP DOGGY DOGG)
Bow-wow-wow
Yippee-yo, yippee-yay.

1261
01:22:54,803 --> 01:22:57,596
We're doing it doggy style.

1262
01:22:59,474 --> 01:23:03,727
l'll alert Penthouse Forum.
Hi, Deb. How are you?

1263
01:23:04,562 --> 01:23:05,854
How's Grace?

1264
01:23:05,939 --> 01:23:08,732
l really didn't come to chat,
okay, Bruce?
l came for Grace's stuff.

1265
01:23:14,906 --> 01:23:18,367
You need. . .
No, it's okay. l've got it.

1266
01:23:25,250 --> 01:23:29,420
l don't. . . l don't know
if she. . . l don't know
if she wants that or not.

1267
01:23:33,508 --> 01:23:36,468
This is full.
You did all this?

1268
01:23:47,856 --> 01:23:50,024
You know what l do every night
before l go to bed?

1269
01:23:50,108 --> 01:23:54,278
l tuck my kids in,
maybe have a scoop
of ice cream and watch Conan.

1270
01:23:55,822 --> 01:23:57,448
You know what Grace does?

1271
01:23:58,950 --> 01:24:00,451
She prays.

1272
01:24:02,620 --> 01:24:04,204
Most of the time for you.

1273
01:24:26,311 --> 01:24:29,480
Find Grace Connelly.

1274
01:24:31,691 --> 01:24:32,733
(EXCLAlMS)

1275
01:24:32,817 --> 01:24:34,526
The woman does pray a lot.

1276
01:24:36,196 --> 01:24:39,615
Find Grace, then Bruce.

1277
01:24:40,617 --> 01:24:45,079
"Dear God, please help
Bruce find himself,
find contentment, find you.

1278
01:24:45,163 --> 01:24:48,665
"Dear God, please help Bruce.
He seems to be struggling.

1279
01:24:48,750 --> 01:24:50,751
"Dear God,
give Bruce strength.

1280
01:24:50,835 --> 01:24:52,377
"Dear God, bless Bruce."

1281
01:24:52,462 --> 01:24:54,004
Bruce. Bruce. Bruce.

1282
01:24:57,675 --> 01:24:59,093
lt's her.

1283
01:24:59,928 --> 01:25:03,680
Sammy, it's her.
She's logging on.
She's praying right now.

1284
01:25:05,600 --> 01:25:07,017
Grace.

1285
01:25:10,688 --> 01:25:12,523
Please, God.

1286
01:25:14,109 --> 01:25:17,569
Please. l still love him.

1287
01:25:19,864 --> 01:25:22,449
But l don't wanna
love him anymore.

1288
01:25:23,076 --> 01:25:25,994
l don't wanna hurt anymore.
Please.

1289
01:25:26,079 --> 01:25:27,704
Help me forget.

1290
01:25:28,790 --> 01:25:34,962
Please help me let him go.

1291
01:25:43,596 --> 01:25:45,264
(THUNDER RUMBLlNG)

1292
01:25:55,733 --> 01:25:57,151
You win !

1293
01:25:58,611 --> 01:26:00,320
l'm done!

1294
01:26:00,405 --> 01:26:03,949
Please, l don't wanna
do this anymore.

1295
01:26:05,243 --> 01:26:07,411
l don't wanna be God.

1296
01:26:08,037 --> 01:26:10,956
l want you to decide
what's right for me.

1297
01:26:11,457 --> 01:26:14,293
l surrender to your will !

1298
01:26:17,839 --> 01:26:19,089
(SlGHlNG)

1299
01:26:20,967 --> 01:26:22,467
(HORN BLARlNG)

1300
01:26:44,782 --> 01:26:45,949
Am l. . .

1301
01:26:46,034 --> 01:26:47,701
You can't kneel down
in the middle of a highway

1302
01:26:47,785 --> 01:26:50,078
and live
to talk about it, son.

1303
01:26:50,580 --> 01:26:52,122
But why?

1304
01:26:53,458 --> 01:26:55,167
Why now?

1305
01:26:55,251 --> 01:27:00,005
Bruce,
you have a divine spark.

1306
01:27:00,757 --> 01:27:04,635
You have the gift
for bringing joy
and laughter to the world.

1307
01:27:05,803 --> 01:27:07,971
l know. l created you.

1308
01:27:09,474 --> 01:27:10,515
Quit bragging.

1309
01:27:10,600 --> 01:27:14,102
See. That's. . .
That's what
l'm talking about.

1310
01:27:14,187 --> 01:27:16,063
That's the spark.

1311
01:27:21,194 --> 01:27:23,070
What do you want me to do?

1312
01:27:24,322 --> 01:27:26,740
l want you to pray, son.

1313
01:27:26,824 --> 01:27:29,451
Go ahead. Use them.

1314
01:27:35,833 --> 01:27:39,169
Lord, feed the hungry.

1315
01:27:39,254 --> 01:27:43,674
And bring peace to

1316
01:27:43,758 --> 01:27:46,009
all of mankind.

1317
01:27:48,012 --> 01:27:50,347
How's that?
Great.

1318
01:27:50,431 --> 01:27:53,350
lf you wanna be
Miss America.

1319
01:27:53,434 --> 01:27:56,979
Now, come on.
What do you really care about?

1320
01:28:01,484 --> 01:28:03,068
Grace.

1321
01:28:03,861 --> 01:28:07,364
Grace. You want her back?

1322
01:28:13,329 --> 01:28:14,788
No.

1323
01:28:16,541 --> 01:28:18,750
l want her to be happy.

1324
01:28:20,920 --> 01:28:23,088
No matter what that means.

1325
01:28:23,172 --> 01:28:25,882
l want her to find someone

1326
01:28:25,967 --> 01:28:28,635
who will treat her

1327
01:28:28,720 --> 01:28:31,513
with all the love

1328
01:28:31,597 --> 01:28:33,890
she deserved from me.

1329
01:28:36,102 --> 01:28:38,395
l want her to meet someone

1330
01:28:43,651 --> 01:28:46,695
who will see her always

1331
01:28:46,779 --> 01:28:49,239
as l do now

1332
01:28:53,578 --> 01:28:55,412
through your eyes.

1333
01:28:56,414 --> 01:28:59,666
Now, that's a prayer.
Yeah?

1334
01:29:00,335 --> 01:29:01,877
Yeah.

1335
01:29:02,587 --> 01:29:05,672
lt's good.
lt's good.

1336
01:29:05,757 --> 01:29:07,382
BOTH: lt's good !

1337
01:29:08,968 --> 01:29:10,927
l'm gonna get right on it.

1338
01:29:12,096 --> 01:29:13,805
Clear!
Whoa!

1339
01:29:13,890 --> 01:29:16,350
That didn't feel very good.
Clear!

1340
01:29:17,435 --> 01:29:19,311
MAN: Got a rhythm.

1341
01:29:19,395 --> 01:29:21,271
All right. l got a pulse.
All right. Let's set him up.

1342
01:29:21,356 --> 01:29:23,899
Yeah. Get the backboard
and brace.

1343
01:29:27,612 --> 01:29:29,154
MAN: Bruce?

1344
01:29:31,115 --> 01:29:32,407
Bruce?

1345
01:29:34,077 --> 01:29:35,535
Welcome back.

1346
01:29:36,454 --> 01:29:40,499
You're lucky to be alive, son.
Someone up there
must like you.

1347
01:29:53,137 --> 01:29:54,721
(BRUCE CHUCKLES)

1348
01:29:55,890 --> 01:29:59,226
BRUCE: l hear all that stuff
winds up
in a warehouse somewhere.

1349
01:30:02,647 --> 01:30:04,481
Grace.

1350
01:30:06,109 --> 01:30:07,818
Hi, baby.

1351
01:30:09,821 --> 01:30:13,073
Oh. Oh, my God,
look at you.

1352
01:30:14,158 --> 01:30:17,744
l was such an idiot.
lt's okay.

1353
01:30:17,829 --> 01:30:21,331
lt's okay.

1354
01:30:24,544 --> 01:30:27,921
l don't know
what l would have done.

1355
01:30:28,005 --> 01:30:32,676
Oh, God. l swear
l wanted to be mad
at you forever.

1356
01:30:44,856 --> 01:30:47,149
Now you're just showing off.

1357
01:30:53,197 --> 01:30:54,865
(PEOPLE CHEERlNG)

1358
01:30:58,202 --> 01:31:02,497
This is Bruce Nolan here
at Buffalo's First-Annual
"Be the Miracle" Blood Drive.

1359
01:31:02,582 --> 01:31:06,543
lt's a B-E-A-utiful day,
so come on down here.

1360
01:31:06,627 --> 01:31:09,212
Because the life you save
could be mine.

1361
01:31:09,297 --> 01:31:12,799
Let's go over here,
where the Kowolskis have baked
a very special cookie

1362
01:31:12,884 --> 01:31:14,259
just for this occasion.

1363
01:31:14,343 --> 01:31:17,429
Sure, it's a little creepy
and a shameless plug,
but we love them.

1364
01:31:17,513 --> 01:31:20,557
Thank you, Mama.
Vol, finger. . .lose.

1365
01:31:21,726 --> 01:31:24,311
l myself,
will have given blood
twice this week.

1366
01:31:24,395 --> 01:31:26,646
For those of you
who haven't heard,

1367
01:31:26,731 --> 01:31:32,277
l'd like to introduce you
to the future Mrs. Exclusive,
Grace Connelly.

1368
01:31:32,361 --> 01:31:36,907
There she is. Look at her!
lsn't she beautiful?

1369
01:31:38,201 --> 01:31:42,287
She just gave blood,
and she still has enough left
to fill up her face.

1370
01:31:42,371 --> 01:31:46,333
Yes, behind every great man,
there's a woman
rolling her eyes, folks.

1371
01:31:46,417 --> 01:31:48,168
l'm Bruce Nolan
for Eyewitness News,

1372
01:31:48,252 --> 01:31:51,254
with all the folks down here
at the blood drive,
reminding you to. . .

1373
01:31:51,339 --> 01:31:54,382
ALL: Be the miracle!

1374
01:31:55,092 --> 01:31:56,510
You heard them.

1375
01:31:56,594 --> 01:32:00,222
Okay, cut it.
Thank you, Bruce.
Thanks, Ally.

1376
01:32:01,516 --> 01:32:04,851
Hey. How was that?
That was great.

1377
01:32:04,936 --> 01:32:06,686
Yeah?
That was really great.

1378
01:32:06,771 --> 01:32:08,855
Now, you still have to
go over there.
The nurse is waiting.

1379
01:32:08,940 --> 01:32:11,525
Oh, do l have to?
Oh, it's not gonna hurt.

1380
01:32:11,609 --> 01:32:14,194
ln fact,
l think you'll find it
quite pleasurable.

1381
01:32:14,278 --> 01:32:15,654
Ooh, baby.

1382
01:32:39,929 --> 01:32:42,013
(WOMAN SINGING)
Are you ready for a miracle?

1383
01:32:42,098 --> 01:32:44,266
CHORUS: Ready as I can be

1384
01:32:44,350 --> 01:32:47,852
Are you ready for a miracle?
lt's ready to set you free

1385
01:32:47,937 --> 01:32:53,108
Are you ready?
Ready

1386
01:32:53,192 --> 01:32:56,611
Are you ready for a miracle?

1387
01:32:56,696 --> 01:33:01,324
Oh

1388
01:33:01,409 --> 01:33:04,077
Are you ready?

1389
01:33:04,161 --> 01:33:06,746
Ready for a miracle
Ready, ready, yes, l am

1390
01:33:06,831 --> 01:33:09,082
Are you ready, are you ready
Yes, l am

1391
01:33:09,166 --> 01:33:11,543
Are you ready for a miracle?
Yes

1392
01:33:13,671 --> 01:33:18,675
(SlNGlNG)
Who can take a rainbow,
wrap it in a sigh?

1393
01:33:18,759 --> 01:33:24,055
(SlNGlNG)
Soak it in the sun and
make a groovy lemon pie

1394
01:33:24,140 --> 01:33:27,225
Oompah.
Loompah.

1395
01:33:28,102 --> 01:33:31,438
Doompah. Oh, geez.

1396
01:33:31,522 --> 01:33:33,189
(CREW LAUGHlNG)

1397
01:33:33,524 --> 01:33:34,608
l'm sorry.

1398
01:33:34,692 --> 01:33:38,028
l'm a very rare blood type.
l'm A. B. -positive.

1399
01:33:39,488 --> 01:33:41,072
Sounds delicious.

1400
01:33:44,660 --> 01:33:47,495
Yeah, well, there, you know,
there are storehouses
all over the world.

1401
01:33:47,580 --> 01:33:50,498
You know, all over the. . .
With tons of stuff on ice.

1402
01:33:50,583 --> 01:33:53,543
And it's. . . Sorry.
You're like this.

1403
01:33:53,628 --> 01:33:56,421
Sorry. Go on.
Okay.

1404
01:33:56,505 --> 01:33:58,840
Positive. l. B. -positive.
Okay, sorry.

1405
01:33:58,924 --> 01:34:01,468
l have a "rarey". . .
Oh !

1406
01:34:02,386 --> 01:34:04,804
She has a "rarey." Okay.

1407
01:34:04,889 --> 01:34:07,307
Well, they need my blood.
l have a very rare blood type.

1408
01:34:07,391 --> 01:34:10,226
l'm A. B. -negative.
l'm l. B. -positive.

1409
01:34:10,353 --> 01:34:13,855
Am l A. B. -negative or am l. . .
l don't know
what you are anymore.

1410
01:34:13,939 --> 01:34:17,192
l'm gonna need
a fricking miracle
to get to work on time.

1411
01:34:18,486 --> 01:34:19,486
(ROARlNG)

1412
01:34:19,570 --> 01:34:27,869
(CREW LAUGHlNG)

1413
01:34:30,081 --> 01:34:31,206
Shit.

1414
01:34:34,794 --> 01:34:35,919
Shit!

1415
01:34:40,424 --> 01:34:41,633
That won't work.

1416
01:34:41,926 --> 01:34:43,176
Other stories in the. . .

1417
01:34:43,260 --> 01:34:44,928
(STAMMERlNG)

1418
01:34:45,012 --> 01:34:46,012
(LAUGHlNG)

1419
01:34:50,226 --> 01:34:53,520
The prime minister of Sweden
visited Washington today.

1420
01:34:53,604 --> 01:34:55,105
And in other. . .

1421
01:34:58,901 --> 01:35:00,276
ln other. . .

1422
01:35:02,279 --> 01:35:03,947
ln other news. . .

1423
01:35:08,411 --> 01:35:11,121
l'm Bruce Nolan
for Eyewitness No. . .

1424
01:35:13,457 --> 01:35:17,127
Eyewitness Nose.
Okay, and clear.

1425
01:35:18,713 --> 01:35:22,382
ALL: Be the miracle.
That's right.

1425
01:35:23,305 --> 01:35:29,557
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