1 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,915 - Hey, Sam! - Hi, Larry. 2 00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:15,368 Morning! 3 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:54,156 Ready? 4 00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:56,416 - Trainee! - (exclaims) 5 00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,832 (chattering) 6 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:09,714 (exclaims) 7 00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:14,059 (woman) Welcome to UMart. 8 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:20,020 Easy now. Easy. Easy. Try this, right here. 9 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,059 Oh! 10 00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:25,024 But they're not... Actually, Mr. Avery! 11 00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:27,856 - How much does this go for? - $279.69 12 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,858 (Larry) $279.69 13 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:36,072 That was a wild ride from this horsey for that little pickle bug! Wasn't it? 14 00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:39,168 - I am so sorry. - (Larry) No, I understand. 15 00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:42,792 This happens all the time, but it's usually the helicopter. 16 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:04,935 Ah! 17 00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:10,949 (sighs) 18 00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:16,701 You zone the entire depot, every rack, before you punch out. 19 00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:19,033 It's not just policy. it's the right thing to do. 20 00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:21,414 (man's garbled speech on loudspeaker) 21 00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:23,996 - What'd they say? - You have to listen twice. 22 00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:26,457 Larry Crowne to the common break area. 23 00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:29,380 "Larry Crowne to the common break area"? 24 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:32,178 Yeah, that's what I heard. I wonder why. 25 00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:34,839 It's Employee of the Month day. 26 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:37,593 (laughs) Spectacular! 27 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,436 How many will this be? 28 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,851 Oh, I'm not saying. Nine. 29 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,980 Larry Crowne on deck, as ordered. 30 00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,983 Hey, Vicky, where were you in Alvarez' baby pool? 31 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:52,022 I had last week. What a dope. 32 00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:54,651 Front office personnel are recommended to leave the employee pools 33 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,074 to the hourly staff, Larry. You know that. 34 00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:59,577 That's too bad. You could've won a hundred bucks. 35 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,663 Cubby, make tracks, please. 36 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:04,541 Oh, I'm sorry. I was just taking a break in the common break area. 37 00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:08,249 You know, I think I know what this is about. 38 00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:10,499 I don't think you do. 39 00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,377 - (Cox) Crowne... - Mmm. 40 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:16,803 ...there's been a restructuring ordered throughout the UMart nation. 41 00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:19,508 Now, "restructuring" is their word. 42 00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,227 Ask me, it's a pain in the tuchis. 43 00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:23,055 That's right, isn't it, tuchis, where you get kicked? 44 00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:24,513 - A Yiddish word, yeah. - Absolutely. 45 00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:26,687 - it's like the buttocks. - Tuchis and buttocks, synonymous. 46 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:30,227 Well, it hurts when you get kicked back there no matter what language you're speaking. 47 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:31,730 You bet. 48 00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:33,156 Larry, 49 00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:38,575 I'm sorry, but we've come to a parting of the ways, UMart and you. 50 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:44,910 Miss Hurley will explain. 51 00:04:44,911 --> 00:04:47,870 UMart's policy is to never limit the opportunities of our employees, 52 00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:51,040 no matter their race, gender, age, sexual orientation. 53 00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:53,043 It's all published on the website. 54 00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:56,047 A mandatory review of the records of all team leaders has revealed 55 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,882 that you never matriculated to a university or college. 56 00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:01,768 That makes you a 4 on the advancement scale of 1 to 4, 57 00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:03,937 4 being the least recommended. 58 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:08,392 You're limited in your opportunities for all further advancement corporate-wide, 59 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,227 and that's something UMart does not do. 60 00:05:10,228 --> 00:05:13,231 That's, uh, something UMart does not do. 61 00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:16,282 Well, this sounds like you're firing me. 62 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:19,986 See, Larry, here's the problem. 63 00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,072 Your lack of educational background 64 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:25,034 is gonna forever retard your movement up the UMart ladder. 65 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:29,205 You're forever retarded, Crowne, 'cause you didn't go to college. 66 00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:32,837 SMU. Class of '86. That's solid gold, man. 67 00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:34,509 They just don't give those away. 68 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,632 (laughs) Three years, Chico State. 69 00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:41,683 So, that's why everybody's made front office except me? 70 00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:43,472 (Andrews) You and I went head-to-head, Larry. 71 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,604 I mean, who'd have thought I'd get promoted over you? 72 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:51,475 (stammering) I chose the Navy right out of high school. 73 00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:53,069 I did almost 20 years. 74 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,771 (scoffs) Weren't you a cook? 75 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:58,150 We'd like to thank you for your service to the nation, Larry, 76 00:05:58,151 --> 00:06:01,028 and, frankly, in all seriousness, for your service to UMart, too, 77 00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:03,113 but that's over with now. 78 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,787 Absolutely. Hey, ho, hey, pizza left. 79 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,619 - One slice. Anybody want it? - No. 80 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,295 Larry? 81 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:14,584 No. No. No, no, no. No, no, no. 82 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:18,002 Listen, please, please, don't, I cannot be Tired. 83 00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:21,803 These last couple years have just been a bloodbath. 84 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,641 I mean, I have really taken a beating. 85 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:27,845 Hey, we've all gotten our clocks cleaned by our ex-wives. Am I right? 86 00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:30,645 Larry, the timing on something like this is always a bitch. 87 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,359 It's always a bitch. 88 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,650 I thought I was gonna be Employee of the Month. 89 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,077 Well, in a way, you are. 90 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,995 (car horns honking) 91 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:40,548 According to your website, the position is still open. 92 00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:43,879 So, once again, this is Larry Crowne with an "E" 93 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,715 calling in regards to any possible 94 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:51,062 retail sales or management position. 95 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:54,858 It's been filled? Thank you. 96 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:26,969 Hello! You have got to be the manager, am I right? 97 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,392 (horn toots) 98 00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:38,313 (horn toots) 99 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,822 - (man) Wish I could help. - Yeah. 100 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:49,905 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks. Thanks anyway. Times are tough. 101 00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,949 Tell me about it. 102 00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:58,497 I'm pointing out that with very little effort 103 00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:01,754 you can still pay off that 392 K you owe. 104 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,795 No, I can't. 105 00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:07,555 And I was told refinancing would always be possible. 106 00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,343 Well, three years ago, 107 00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:16,847 I would have given you half a million dollars on your signature. 108 00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:18,307 But things change. 109 00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:23,610 You're now unemployed, and your house isn't worth what you still owe. 110 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:29,862 Mr. Crowne, I'm gonna get you some complimentary coffee, 111 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:33,030 and we have a lot of good things to talk about. 112 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,499 Lots of good things. 113 00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:38,291 First on the agenda is liquidating your assets. 114 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,548 (Lamar) No! Oh, no! No, no, no, no! 115 00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:47,842 What the hell are you doing? 116 00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:52,100 Larry Crowne, there has been a yard sale at 8642 Derby Court 117 00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:54,223 since Lionel Richie was dancing on the ceiling. 118 00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:56,600 That means I have a monopoly on this location. 119 00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:59,523 You go yard on me, I will have to take you down. 120 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,898 Lamar, I lost my job. 121 00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,279 No. You got fired? 122 00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:06,773 - Yes. - When? 123 00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:09,488 Last Friday. 124 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:14,873 That's how they do it. On a bloody Friday. 125 00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:17,291 Security walks you out. 126 00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:21,880 Come Monday, the fired man is the forgotten man. It's diabolical. 127 00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,875 They said it's because I didn't go to college. 128 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:28,303 And you believed that? The Man wanted you gone. 129 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,922 Look at my skin colour. I know what I'm talking about. 130 00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:33,550 So, you going on unemployment? 131 00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:36,561 If I have to. 132 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,721 That's not gonna be enough to cover your nut. 133 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:43,100 Taking a loan out to buy out Denise's half of the house, 134 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,103 - that was a bad idea. - Huh! 135 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,896 I told you how to avoid divorce lawyers. 136 00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:50,776 You get married and you stay married. 137 00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,240 Come on. 138 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,743 Come with me. Come on. 139 00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,910 Hey, B'Ella. Got anything new? 140 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:04,084 Ooh, Larry! Dance lessons from the '50s. 141 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,962 You don't have any of these, I promise. 142 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:09,260 He can't afford them. He lost his job. They let him go. 143 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,013 - Oh, Larry. I'm so sorry. - Yeah. 144 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,261 And we gonna get him something better than a job. 145 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,933 - An education. - Oh! 146 00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:18,853 Get you some knowledge and you'll be fireproof. 147 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:22,228 Oh, yeah, that's right, Larry. You're never too old to learn. 148 00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:25,481 Just listen to my husband. He hasn't called The Man boss in years. 149 00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:26,937 Oh, yeah, I remember why. 150 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:28,525 (crowd cheering) 151 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,528 (laughing) 152 00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:34,323 Yeah! Yeah! I won! I won! 153 00:11:36,571 --> 00:11:38,744 Whoo! I won all this money! 154 00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:44,337 Well, Uncle Sam took his half. That's gonna be 50 cents for the book. 155 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,456 They give these away for free. 156 00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,209 Well, they do. I don't. 157 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,087 - Ten cents. - Four dimes, two nickels. 158 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,634 - Twelve cents. - Half a buck. 159 00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:56,679 - Seventeen cents. - One dollar and I'll take half off. 160 00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,142 Keep it. 161 00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:00,395 Larry, okay, 35 cents, Larry. 162 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,174 Dave Busik, Dean of Student Services. 163 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,756 Oh. Larry Crowne. 164 00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:35,554 Nice to meet you, Larry. Back to college, huh? 165 00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:37,849 No, no, this is the first time ever for me. 166 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,801 I was in the Navy for 20 years. 167 00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,895 Coast Guard. Adventure of a lifetime. 168 00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,356 I was a cook. 169 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,938 Culinary specialist. 170 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:51,353 We teach a whole track in hotel and restaurant food preparation. 171 00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:53,522 Oh, no, no, no, no, I did that long enough. 172 00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:57,903 Then I got into a whole different line of work, until I was downsized. 173 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,872 I'm here to make sure that never happens again. 174 00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,825 Say, did you ever think about studying tai chi? 175 00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:07,121 - No, sir. - Cured my diabetes, no lie. 176 00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:11,041 I recommend Speech 217. 177 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,751 "The Art of Informal Remarks. 178 00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:18,046 "From toasts to job interviews, Speech 217 will teach you 179 00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:20,257 "how to communicate with ease and confidence." 180 00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:21,760 This class'll change your life. 181 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,642 And you'll like the teacher. 182 00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:28,603 You ready to go to work? How about this? 183 00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:31,601 - Speech 217, Econ 1... - You bet. 184 00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:34,271 - ...Composition 1. You learn how to talk. - Right. 185 00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,695 You learn how to do business, and you learn how to write about it. 186 00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:39,869 Three classes, but you're gonna have to get in there, work. 187 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,344 (Dell) I'm telling you, every cop has to stop me, man. 188 00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,438 (Stan) Well, maybe it's the leather jacket. 189 00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:11,192 (Dell) No, it's not. Talia gave me this jacket, man. 190 00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,149 She said I'd look like a brown James Dean. 191 00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,490 (Stan) Who's James Dean? 192 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,673 Hey! What's cooking there, Joe College? 193 00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:35,957 Can you get this hunk of junk working? 194 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:38,802 I don't sell junk. Let me get my good tools. 195 00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:44,009 Larry Crowne. You've got a lot of money in those albums of yours. 196 00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:45,467 - Yeah? - Yeah. 197 00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:47,812 They'll sell on the eBay. I can show you how. 198 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,685 You know this machine is a classic, right? 199 00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:52,563 Yeah, okay. But does it work? 200 00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,976 It will for $800. 201 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:56,729 Oh, Lamar, I'm thinking like 200. 202 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,278 Okay. 700. 203 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,405 - 200. - 650. 204 00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,578 - Gonna be a long day with those two. - Mmm-hmm. 205 00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:05,155 - 630. - 200. 206 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,696 626. 207 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:10,702 Lamar, I have no money. I'm out of a job. $200. 208 00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:14,506 You're my neighbour. 625, and I'll throw in the oil change. 209 00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:16,466 I have an idea. 210 00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:25,096 Okay. This is a simple machine. All right, this is your gas, your brake. 211 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,222 I want you to put your foot on that pedal down there. 212 00:15:27,223 --> 00:15:29,437 This is your starter button. Push that. 213 00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,014 (engine revving) 214 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,650 Nice. You gonna need a special license. 215 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,316 - How fast does it go? - Oh, pretty... 216 00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:39,360 No, the brake, the brake! 217 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,897 - (grunts) - Larry! 218 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:43,868 - (glass breaking) - Sorry! Sorry! 219 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,363 It's got power! 220 00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,333 (people chattering) 221 00:15:57,707 --> 00:15:59,505 (automated voice) Please enter your... 222 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:02,151 What sin did you commit to have a class at 8:00 a.m.? 223 00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:05,029 Earning a master's in comparative political discourse 224 00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:08,276 in the plays of Shakespeare and Shaw. You? 225 00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:12,447 Well, I just started race-walking at the track. It was fun. 226 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:13,950 I hope I am never like that. 227 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,535 (chuckles) 228 00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:19,996 When was the last time you looked at your life and saw nothing but fraud? 229 00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:21,374 How long have you been teaching? 230 00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,467 I used to remember. 231 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,170 You're right on time. 232 00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:29,349 I wonder if I make a dollop of difference to anyone sitting in my classroom. 233 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:34,262 We used to, until Facebook and Twitter killed whatever attention span they had left. 234 00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:39,015 Well, it's 7:52. Come on, we gotta get going. 235 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:41,610 Off I go. On my way. 236 00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,572 Time for class. 237 00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:02,248 (horn honking) 238 00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:07,219 That's a damn fine Zipper, mister. 239 00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:10,807 It did get me here for a nickel's worth of gas. 240 00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:14,431 Didn't see you in the scooter pit last term. 241 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,313 Oh, this is my first day of college, ever. 242 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,023 I love that. 243 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,478 You an ex-cop? 244 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,989 No. Why would you think that? 245 00:18:27,398 --> 00:18:30,368 Tucking in a polo shirt makes you look like one. 246 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:33,200 And the glasses don't help. 247 00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:35,532 Well, no, I'm just a student. 248 00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:40,577 You don't happen to know where the Speech and Communications Building is, do you? 249 00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:41,921 Didn't know there was one. 250 00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:48,386 (student coughs) 251 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:52,260 This is it? 252 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:53,891 (door closes) 253 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,469 (whispering) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. 254 00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,763 (louder) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. 255 00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:02,057 My day has just been made. (clears throat) 256 00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:03,558 Excuse me? 257 00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:05,277 This class is canceled. 258 00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:08,653 The state charter requires a minimum of 10 students per class 259 00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:11,109 or else it costs more for us to be here than not, so. 260 00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:16,948 I mean, did you really want a class at 8:00 a.m.? I didn't. (chuckles) 261 00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,700 No. Okay, thanks, anyway. 262 00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:23,003 Is this Speech 217? 263 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,921 See if you can find yourself a seat. 264 00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:34,098 (sighs) 265 00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:38,345 My name is Miss Tainot, T-A-I-N-O-T, Tainot. 266 00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:41,351 Not "Tie-knot". Tay-no. 267 00:19:55,820 --> 00:20:01,748 This is what you are going to learn to do in my class. 268 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,420 (chalk breaks) 269 00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:10,711 If you do not care about this class, then neither do I. 270 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:15,130 If you do not participate and show up with enough sleep 271 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:20,854 to make it through the 55 minutes, three dawns a week, that I have to be here 272 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:26,901 then you do not care about Speech 217, the Art of Informal Remarks. 273 00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:31,981 So, get out. 274 00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:35,610 Get out, now! Go, right now! Go! 275 00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:46,202 It was worth a try. Well, when next we meet, this is what we're gonna do. 276 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:49,924 Each of you is going to address the class for the first time. 277 00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:54,129 You will tell us how to do something that you already know how to do. 278 00:20:58,174 --> 00:20:59,517 Miss Tie-knot? 279 00:21:02,219 --> 00:21:03,641 Uh, Tay-knot? 280 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,143 Tae-Bo? 281 00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:11,020 Really? 282 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,948 (clears throat) Who are you? 283 00:21:15,191 --> 00:21:20,448 Steve Dibiasi. D-I-B-I-A-S-I. 284 00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:24,742 Only two days before I gotta get up and give my speech? 285 00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:27,708 You may be dreaming. 286 00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:34,214 Why are you here, Steve? 287 00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:39,891 Dean of Student Services said your class would change my life. 288 00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:43,894 (mobile ringing) 289 00:21:45,054 --> 00:21:46,772 I gotta take this. 290 00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:50,400 Yo. Dude, I left it right there. 291 00:21:52,102 --> 00:21:55,572 In the cigar box, under the coffee table, where it always is. 292 00:21:57,900 --> 00:21:59,447 (boy on phone) I didn't check there. 293 00:21:59,610 --> 00:22:01,283 Repeat after me. 294 00:22:01,779 --> 00:22:03,404 (stammers) Repeat. 295 00:22:03,405 --> 00:22:05,573 Steve cannot take calls right now. 296 00:22:05,574 --> 00:22:07,242 Steve can't take calls right now. 297 00:22:07,243 --> 00:22:10,292 He's learning to care. 298 00:22:10,371 --> 00:22:12,169 - Goodbye. - Goodbye. 299 00:22:30,432 --> 00:22:33,481 Hi. We have Speech 217 together. 300 00:22:33,727 --> 00:22:35,604 Can you believe 301 00:22:35,688 --> 00:22:40,239 we have to get up and give a speech in our very next class? 302 00:22:41,485 --> 00:22:43,362 Yeah. She scares me. 303 00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:46,540 - Oh, my God. Fancy this bit of destiny. - Hello! 304 00:22:46,615 --> 00:22:50,159 (chuckles) I've been thinking about you and I don't even know your name. 305 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:53,630 Larry. Larry Crowne. Hi. 306 00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:55,379 This is, uh... 307 00:22:56,083 --> 00:22:58,302 - Lala. - Lala. 308 00:22:58,961 --> 00:23:01,714 Larry and Lala. I don't think so. 309 00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:07,186 I used to be Kathryn, until I looked in the mirror and saw a girl named Talia. 310 00:23:07,678 --> 00:23:09,555 My real name is Celestine. 311 00:23:09,638 --> 00:23:12,733 Celestine? How gorgeous. 312 00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:17,104 You. 313 00:23:19,523 --> 00:23:22,652 Lance. Lance Corona. 314 00:23:24,153 --> 00:23:26,531 - Wanna join my gang? - You're in a gang? 315 00:23:26,614 --> 00:23:30,164 I hang with like-minded scooter enthusiasts. 316 00:23:30,951 --> 00:23:32,294 Ugh; 317 00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:37,049 I'll give you a text, and you can do some free-wheeling. 318 00:23:48,052 --> 00:23:49,679 (microphone feeding back) 319 00:23:51,472 --> 00:23:56,979 You have entered Economics 1, Econ Prime. 320 00:23:57,937 --> 00:24:02,659 Trying to make sense of the complicated structure of economic law and theory? 321 00:24:03,692 --> 00:24:05,069 It's confusing 322 00:24:05,861 --> 00:24:08,489 until you read this course pack 323 00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:12,376 written by Ed Matsutani, Ph.D. 324 00:24:13,786 --> 00:24:16,039 - That's me. - (students chuckle) 325 00:24:16,205 --> 00:24:21,803 Read this and follow me to economic enlightenment and power. 326 00:24:25,089 --> 00:24:26,841 (chuckling) 327 00:24:31,553 --> 00:24:33,396 (continues chuckling) 328 00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:40,108 That usually scares people. 329 00:24:41,146 --> 00:24:43,569 Yet none of you have fled. 330 00:24:45,234 --> 00:24:47,657 A good economic indicator. 331 00:24:49,071 --> 00:24:50,368 Let us begin. 332 00:24:57,246 --> 00:24:58,919 Only four of you. 333 00:25:02,042 --> 00:25:03,544 This class is cancelled. 334 00:25:20,477 --> 00:25:21,979 (Dean) Let's see. Oh. 335 00:25:24,690 --> 00:25:26,315 Oh, hello. 336 00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:29,444 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 337 00:25:29,445 --> 00:25:31,447 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I likey, I likey. - (door opening) 338 00:25:32,281 --> 00:25:35,285 Hey! Who's home early, huh? 339 00:25:35,868 --> 00:25:38,121 Ophelia, out of the pond. 340 00:25:40,122 --> 00:25:42,295 First day of term calls for a celebration. 341 00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:44,001 You'd think so. 342 00:25:52,801 --> 00:25:54,223 Um... 343 00:25:55,179 --> 00:25:59,559 You know what? I built a flamethrower of a posting for Warriorweb, 344 00:25:59,641 --> 00:26:01,809 which, if I do say so myself, 345 00:26:01,810 --> 00:26:05,646 would feed nicely as an outline for Carrier: Second Angel. 346 00:26:05,647 --> 00:26:06,990 Good for you. 347 00:26:07,066 --> 00:26:11,321 Yeah, then I crushed 1,000 calories at 24-Hour Fitness. 348 00:26:11,403 --> 00:26:13,155 You know no one's there after 9:00 a.m.'? 349 00:26:13,822 --> 00:26:15,490 Go figure. 350 00:26:15,491 --> 00:26:18,040 After a smooth nap and a double espresso, 351 00:26:18,118 --> 00:26:22,294 man, I hit three hours of Blog and Talk for CyberShare. Whoa. 352 00:26:24,666 --> 00:26:26,009 You don't believe me. 353 00:26:28,337 --> 00:26:29,839 Why wouldn't I believe you? 354 00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:35,098 I'm writing, Mercy. Look, this is what I do, all day. That's what I do. 355 00:26:35,719 --> 00:26:37,187 Mmm. 356 00:26:37,638 --> 00:26:39,390 You're looking at porn. 357 00:26:40,682 --> 00:26:42,559 (exclaims) What? 358 00:26:43,268 --> 00:26:45,487 Oh! (scoffs) 359 00:26:47,689 --> 00:26:49,032 Fine! 360 00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:52,328 So, yeah, Thought Police, take me away. 361 00:26:52,402 --> 00:26:55,997 I saw some erotica. I'm a man, I admit it. 362 00:26:57,157 --> 00:26:58,534 Took you a while. 363 00:26:58,617 --> 00:27:02,588 Yeah, and it's not... it's barely porn. And I'm not hiding it. 364 00:27:03,205 --> 00:27:04,878 Yes, you are. 365 00:27:05,958 --> 00:27:07,505 Everybody hides something. 366 00:27:10,379 --> 00:27:11,756 I have no secrets from you. 367 00:27:12,798 --> 00:27:16,884 I walk in that door and Till you in on every high and low in my day. 368 00:27:16,885 --> 00:27:18,728 Today's low? 369 00:27:19,054 --> 00:27:21,933 A toss-up between a canceled Shakespeare 370 00:27:22,015 --> 00:27:24,564 and an Intro to Ren Lit with 20 heads 371 00:27:24,643 --> 00:27:27,988 who think the Renaissance is a fair they go to every July. 372 00:27:28,313 --> 00:27:30,782 My high? I'm drinking it. 373 00:27:35,904 --> 00:27:37,406 Mmm-mmm. 374 00:27:37,865 --> 00:27:39,242 Mmm. 375 00:27:39,950 --> 00:27:41,418 Brain freeze. 376 00:27:42,244 --> 00:27:46,090 No secrets. it's perfection. That is you. 377 00:27:46,165 --> 00:27:47,758 (groans) 378 00:27:48,292 --> 00:27:50,590 It gets the bills paid. (clicks tongue) 379 00:27:51,128 --> 00:27:53,756 See, that's what you hide from me. 380 00:27:54,006 --> 00:27:55,849 I mean, you walk in the door pissed off because... 381 00:27:55,924 --> 00:28:00,521 And I'm sorry, I have established a beachhead in new media 382 00:28:00,596 --> 00:28:03,600 while you still teach at Vassar of the Valley. 383 00:28:04,016 --> 00:28:07,020 And that is what you hide from me. 384 00:28:08,687 --> 00:28:11,691 You look at Bra Busters Triple-X, hoping I don't know 385 00:28:11,773 --> 00:28:14,902 or don't care, but I do, and I don't like it. 386 00:28:17,070 --> 00:28:21,792 You know, it may look like I don't work hard around here, Mercy, but I do. 387 00:28:21,867 --> 00:28:25,497 I'm just a guy who is a guy being a guy when you're not around. 388 00:28:29,958 --> 00:28:33,588 Oh, well, and walking away is great for a relationship. 389 00:28:36,965 --> 00:28:38,592 (sighs) 390 00:28:45,599 --> 00:28:49,479 (muffled) I'm a guy who's a guy being a guy! 391 00:28:50,229 --> 00:28:51,651 That's all! 392 00:28:57,236 --> 00:28:59,532 Everyone says that women's lacrosse is not a real sport 393 00:28:59,533 --> 00:29:01,657 because you can't body check, but that's just not true. 394 00:29:01,740 --> 00:29:03,868 If you want to get out your real aggression before a game 395 00:29:03,869 --> 00:29:06,327 just check yourself against the wall. 396 00:29:06,328 --> 00:29:08,330 And then do 10 push-ups! 397 00:29:08,622 --> 00:29:14,379 Be aggressive! B-E aggressive! 398 00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:18,800 B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E! Be aggressive! 399 00:29:21,009 --> 00:29:23,853 - Thank you. Ladies lacrosse. - (unenthusiastic applause) 400 00:29:25,555 --> 00:29:28,980 I didn't realise. Uh, who's next? 401 00:29:30,519 --> 00:29:32,561 All right. I'll be the bad guy. 402 00:29:32,562 --> 00:29:34,030 Miss Crowne, please. 403 00:29:34,898 --> 00:29:36,400 You mean me? 404 00:29:37,067 --> 00:29:38,865 Mr. Crowne, excuse me. 405 00:29:49,413 --> 00:29:50,756 Go. 406 00:29:50,831 --> 00:29:55,428 My presentation will be on the very particular subject 407 00:29:56,378 --> 00:30:00,679 of how to prepare restaurant-quality French toast. 408 00:30:01,383 --> 00:30:05,433 But don't worry, I'll speak in English. 409 00:30:08,473 --> 00:30:11,727 The key ingredients of restaurant-quality French toast 410 00:30:11,935 --> 00:30:15,030 are bread, eggs 411 00:30:16,189 --> 00:30:18,738 milk, vanilla extract, 412 00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:22,029 oil or melted butter, 413 00:30:23,030 --> 00:30:25,032 cinnamon, nutmeg, 414 00:30:26,158 --> 00:30:29,583 powdered sugar and eggs. 415 00:30:31,079 --> 00:30:32,672 (Larry shuffling cue cards) 416 00:30:33,123 --> 00:30:34,466 Ahead of myself here. 417 00:30:35,834 --> 00:30:37,177 (clears throat) 418 00:30:37,252 --> 00:30:39,254 A few words about syrups. 419 00:30:40,922 --> 00:30:43,550 Thank you. French toast. 420 00:30:45,427 --> 00:30:46,974 (unenthusiastic applause) 421 00:30:47,346 --> 00:30:48,723 Direct and informative. 422 00:30:50,015 --> 00:30:52,643 (clears throat) Next, please. 423 00:30:52,851 --> 00:30:54,899 Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I got one now! 424 00:30:56,772 --> 00:30:58,149 You will dig it. 425 00:30:58,774 --> 00:31:00,151 Are you clairvoyant? 426 00:31:01,109 --> 00:31:03,282 No. Steve Dibiasi. 427 00:31:05,197 --> 00:31:07,281 (distorted) Testing, one, two, three, testing. 428 00:31:07,282 --> 00:31:08,625 (tapping microphone) 429 00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:10,828 Toaster waffles, the easy breakfast. 430 00:31:11,620 --> 00:31:14,464 Put 'em in a toaster; wait, pop 'em out. 431 00:31:14,539 --> 00:31:16,837 Eat 'em like a sandwich. (growling) 432 00:31:16,917 --> 00:31:18,919 (laughs) No mess to clean up. 433 00:31:22,506 --> 00:31:24,634 Ding-ding! Applause, please! 434 00:31:25,717 --> 00:31:27,310 (people chuckling) 435 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,814 He got that from... That was my French toast. 436 00:31:32,015 --> 00:31:33,437 Who's next? 437 00:31:35,894 --> 00:31:37,237 (shoe sole squeaks) 438 00:31:40,565 --> 00:31:44,365 Well, my speech is on the five dance steps every man should know. 439 00:31:45,112 --> 00:31:47,911 The first of which is the commonly known two-step, so. 440 00:31:53,995 --> 00:31:57,499 And for the more advanced, there 's the butterfly. 441 00:31:59,876 --> 00:32:01,298 (people chuckling) 442 00:32:01,878 --> 00:32:04,848 As I said in chapter three 443 00:32:04,923 --> 00:32:08,848 the science of economics is a relatively simple discipline 444 00:32:09,052 --> 00:32:11,100 - told by hard numbers. - (mobile vibrating) 445 00:32:11,179 --> 00:32:15,150 Anyone who can add, subtract, multiply, and divide can divine its truths. 446 00:32:16,685 --> 00:32:21,031 The social science of economics is told by an ephemeral language. 447 00:32:21,106 --> 00:32:23,859 - (mobile vibrating) - Contracts, quality differentials, 448 00:32:24,693 --> 00:32:31,042 pressure trends, the intangible elements of the Individual Value Index. 449 00:32:32,701 --> 00:32:34,201 (whispering) Us? Scoot? 450 00:32:34,202 --> 00:32:37,877 - Subtle interpretation is required. - (whispering indistinctly) 451 00:32:40,083 --> 00:32:41,460 Yeah. Why not? 452 00:32:41,543 --> 00:32:44,342 As is full concentration. 453 00:32:46,089 --> 00:32:48,057 Your device, please. 454 00:32:52,012 --> 00:32:57,018 They call them "smart phones", but only dummies use them in my class. 455 00:32:58,518 --> 00:33:01,112 Let us begin with the quality differential. 456 00:33:02,647 --> 00:33:04,945 (Dew Like I don't know a cop when I see one. 457 00:33:05,358 --> 00:33:06,826 (all laughing) 458 00:33:07,569 --> 00:33:09,196 My Dell Gordo. 459 00:33:13,533 --> 00:33:16,002 This is Lance Corona. 460 00:33:16,369 --> 00:33:18,918 Classmate and, so far, good guy. 461 00:33:20,207 --> 00:33:21,880 You gotta untuck the shirt, Lance. 462 00:33:22,250 --> 00:33:24,252 So, you wanna ride with us? 463 00:33:25,212 --> 00:33:26,805 Sure. Why not? 464 00:33:32,219 --> 00:33:33,766 (all snapping) 465 00:33:37,766 --> 00:33:40,565 Snap along, Lance, or you can't join the gang. 466 00:33:58,662 --> 00:34:00,960 - Okay, okay. You're in for a trial run. - (all chuckling) 467 00:34:43,164 --> 00:34:44,837 (hooting) 468 00:35:04,519 --> 00:35:06,066 (honking horn) 469 00:35:06,146 --> 00:35:08,365 Hey! How you doing? 470 00:35:08,898 --> 00:35:11,572 Great! Where are we going? 471 00:35:12,444 --> 00:35:14,822 You know, we'll just ride around till we get a bit hungry 472 00:35:15,530 --> 00:35:17,874 then maybe get a bite to eat. You know a place? 473 00:35:17,949 --> 00:35:20,576 - Yeah, I know a place. - Great! Show us! 474 00:35:20,577 --> 00:35:22,045 Follow me! 475 00:35:40,555 --> 00:35:42,398 (Larry) Frank's a good guy. We're both veterans. 476 00:35:42,474 --> 00:35:43,817 He did 20 years in the Marines. 477 00:35:44,225 --> 00:35:46,774 Hey, kid. You pump iron, don't you? 478 00:35:47,228 --> 00:35:48,400 What do you think? 479 00:35:48,521 --> 00:35:51,320 - I think you're wasting your time. - Really? 480 00:35:51,441 --> 00:35:53,284 - Yeah, you should just do push-ups. - Yeah? 481 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:54,902 Yeah, you see this body here? 482 00:35:54,903 --> 00:35:58,077 One time, it was nothing but a mass of chiselled muscle and bone. 483 00:35:58,657 --> 00:36:00,955 Really? What year was that? 484 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,037 19-kiss-my-ass. 485 00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:08,050 I better get going. I have homework. 486 00:36:08,375 --> 00:36:09,752 No! We just got boosted. 487 00:36:09,834 --> 00:36:13,338 Yeah, you should come with us. We'll go check out some junk shops, thrift stores. 488 00:36:13,421 --> 00:36:14,764 Would a yard sale do? 489 00:36:14,839 --> 00:36:17,968 I know a spectacular yard sale. it's open every day. 490 00:36:18,593 --> 00:36:21,062 Then ye shall lead us, Lance Corona. 491 00:36:21,262 --> 00:36:22,639 (Stan) Let's go. 492 00:36:22,972 --> 00:36:24,690 (Larry) Frank, thanks very much! 493 00:36:24,766 --> 00:36:26,268 You're welcome, Larry. Take care. 494 00:36:36,778 --> 00:36:38,280 We're being invaded! 495 00:36:52,460 --> 00:36:56,135 Larry. What kind of thugs did you get involved with? 496 00:36:56,464 --> 00:36:58,466 - Just my college buddies. - College buddies? 497 00:37:01,970 --> 00:37:03,971 Whoa, hey, hey, kid, kid, you... 498 00:37:03,972 --> 00:37:07,192 TV trays. Postmodernism. That's art. 499 00:37:07,308 --> 00:37:09,476 It's a bargain at 100 bucks apiece. 500 00:37:09,477 --> 00:37:10,854 - For these? - Yeah. 501 00:37:10,937 --> 00:37:13,315 Look, if you want them, let's get to haggling. 502 00:37:13,648 --> 00:37:16,322 (Dew A buck apiece. (Lamar) Ninety-nine. 503 00:37:16,568 --> 00:37:19,617 - Two bucks. - Ninety-eight. See how this is working? 504 00:37:19,738 --> 00:37:21,991 Uh-huh. $2.25. 505 00:37:22,198 --> 00:37:25,577 $97.50, and, kid, I do this every day. 506 00:37:28,037 --> 00:37:29,630 No. 507 00:37:30,331 --> 00:37:31,674 No. 508 00:37:31,750 --> 00:37:35,220 These would look perfect on you. And I think they'll it. 509 00:37:35,295 --> 00:37:37,764 - Could be really cute. - Ooh! 510 00:37:37,881 --> 00:37:41,101 I'm kidding with you. Eight bucks and they're yours. 511 00:37:41,176 --> 00:37:43,176 - You almost went for it. - Uh, no, I didn't, I didn't. 512 00:37:43,177 --> 00:37:45,522 $97.50, you were like, "Whoa, that's a lot for TV trays," 513 00:37:45,597 --> 00:37:47,691 but no, no, not really, when you think about it. 514 00:37:53,897 --> 00:37:56,275 (Talia) B'Ella says he keeps his door unlocked. 515 00:37:56,357 --> 00:37:57,984 (Say How trusting. 516 00:38:00,528 --> 00:38:03,197 So, this is where you disappeared to. 517 00:38:03,198 --> 00:38:04,541 (Sal) it's so cluttered and dark. 518 00:38:04,616 --> 00:38:07,335 Lance, nothing but treasures next door. 519 00:38:08,286 --> 00:38:12,962 Oh, look. He's a man, and he lives alone. 520 00:38:13,208 --> 00:38:15,375 Are you two walking in on all the neighbours? 521 00:38:15,376 --> 00:38:17,879 Sal cuts hair and she's gonna tackle yours. 522 00:38:18,046 --> 00:38:20,720 - She is? - Yes, Lance. You need a haircut. 523 00:38:20,799 --> 00:38:22,676 (clears throat) Where's your bathroom? 524 00:38:22,801 --> 00:38:24,553 Uh, back through the bedroom. 525 00:38:24,761 --> 00:38:27,014 Well, come on. First one's free. 526 00:38:28,431 --> 00:38:31,685 How can you breathe with all this stuff? 527 00:38:32,227 --> 00:38:35,106 I usually straighten up on weekends. I've been busy. 528 00:38:35,230 --> 00:38:37,153 Just go see Sal. 529 00:38:38,233 --> 00:38:40,156 I'm gonna need some muscle here. 530 00:38:41,194 --> 00:38:42,616 (clattering) 531 00:38:42,695 --> 00:38:44,117 So, what is going on out there? 532 00:38:44,906 --> 00:38:48,501 Just introducing you to a little thing called feng shui. 533 00:38:49,869 --> 00:38:52,418 Just gonna get rid of some of this clutter here, okay? 534 00:38:52,580 --> 00:38:54,582 Yeah, just, you know, don't go crazy. 535 00:38:54,749 --> 00:38:57,047 Let Talia do her thing. Okay? Life is easier. 536 00:39:04,175 --> 00:39:06,553 (sighs) Well, I did everything I could. 537 00:39:09,806 --> 00:39:12,099 - (man 1 wolf-whistling) - (man 2) Nice. 538 00:39:12,100 --> 00:39:14,273 Now I see the Lance of my dreams. 539 00:39:15,311 --> 00:39:17,279 Mr. Lance Corona. 540 00:39:18,439 --> 00:39:20,862 Raise your right hand. Say something patriotic. 541 00:39:22,402 --> 00:39:25,076 We'll be right back after these messages. 542 00:39:25,780 --> 00:39:27,782 Welcome to the Street Patrol. 543 00:39:28,449 --> 00:39:31,202 We ride for justice and beauty. 544 00:39:31,286 --> 00:39:32,953 It's a full-time job, Lance. 545 00:39:32,954 --> 00:39:36,458 Hey, Lance, remember to bring the sides forward, pat down the back. 546 00:39:38,418 --> 00:39:40,546 You are way cooler than you appear. 547 00:39:42,380 --> 00:39:45,725 Well, you know, sometimes it just comes down to a good haircut. 548 00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:48,019 - Thank you! - (Talia) Had to be done, Lance! 549 00:39:52,140 --> 00:39:53,687 Oh, Lance. 550 00:39:54,100 --> 00:39:56,944 You know, every man falls in love with Talia. 551 00:39:57,020 --> 00:40:00,115 And you will, too, if you haven't already. 552 00:40:02,066 --> 00:40:05,491 But I love her the mostest. (chuckles) Know that right now. 553 00:40:06,696 --> 00:40:08,664 Seriously, don't make me keep my eyes on you. 554 00:40:08,665 --> 00:40:11,660 - What's your real name, Lance? - Larry Crowne, with an "E". 555 00:40:11,826 --> 00:40:14,045 Don Gordon, with a 556 00:40:14,579 --> 00:40:16,001 Shake hands. 557 00:40:16,581 --> 00:40:18,003 Look each other in the eyes. 558 00:40:20,418 --> 00:40:23,843 Firm grips. No contest, but firm. 559 00:40:25,340 --> 00:40:26,808 Hold it. 560 00:40:27,216 --> 00:40:28,684 Stack it. 561 00:40:31,387 --> 00:40:32,889 One word, Lance, 562 00:40:33,890 --> 00:40:35,312 peace. 563 00:40:35,683 --> 00:40:37,060 Peace, indeed. 564 00:40:47,946 --> 00:40:49,539 Spectacular! 565 00:40:50,198 --> 00:40:51,825 Spectacular! 566 00:40:53,451 --> 00:40:55,419 So, this is feng shui. 567 00:40:59,540 --> 00:41:00,962 (honking horn) 568 00:41:01,668 --> 00:41:03,420 (children) Hi, Larry! 569 00:41:03,878 --> 00:41:06,381 Pennies per mile, Lamar! Pennies! 570 00:41:07,048 --> 00:41:09,642 I told you that machine was a classic! 571 00:41:09,842 --> 00:41:11,719 I think he got me on that deal. 572 00:41:13,012 --> 00:41:15,435 (singing along with stereo) .D I've treacle and toffee 573 00:41:15,436 --> 00:41:18,058 ♪ I've tea and I've coffee 574 00:41:18,059 --> 00:41:21,654 ♪ Soft tommies and succulent chops 575 00:41:21,729 --> 00:41:23,276 (GPS 's automated voice) Please enter your destination. 576 00:41:23,277 --> 00:41:26,942 ♪ I've chickens and conies and pretty polonies 577 00:41:26,943 --> 00:41:28,411 Miss Tainot! 578 00:41:29,070 --> 00:41:33,120 - Miss Tainot! - JU Excellent peppermint drops 579 00:41:33,241 --> 00:41:35,242 (chuckling) I can't believe this. 580 00:41:35,243 --> 00:41:37,416 ♪ Then buy of your Buttercup 581 00:41:37,495 --> 00:41:39,964 ♪ This man is looking at me 582 00:41:40,081 --> 00:41:41,628 (singing gibberish) 583 00:41:49,674 --> 00:41:51,347 it's Larry Crowne! 584 00:41:52,677 --> 00:41:54,094 Right, his 585 00:41:54,095 --> 00:41:56,763 I have you for Speech 217 in just a couple of minutes. 586 00:41:56,764 --> 00:41:58,473 Yes, you do. 587 00:41:58,474 --> 00:42:01,478 - I saw you singing. - Oh, I'm just drowning out the GPS. 588 00:42:01,644 --> 00:42:03,772 - (automated voice continues chattering) - See? It never stops. 589 00:42:03,855 --> 00:42:05,357 Well, no wonder, that's a Map Genie. 590 00:42:05,481 --> 00:42:06,824 Back when I sold you such things, 591 00:42:06,899 --> 00:42:10,199 I would've steered you toward a Vortex, 'cause the Map Genie has... 592 00:42:10,278 --> 00:42:12,030 it's very complicated. 593 00:42:12,113 --> 00:42:14,491 Well, no wonder, the auto-on feature is engaged. 594 00:42:14,574 --> 00:42:18,670 So, menu, select, features, 595 00:42:18,745 --> 00:42:21,294 auto, voice select. 596 00:42:21,372 --> 00:42:24,626 Change? Yes. On/off. 597 00:42:24,709 --> 00:42:27,087 Off. Change? Yes. 598 00:42:27,170 --> 00:42:30,174 Save, and back, back, back, back, and exit. 599 00:42:31,132 --> 00:42:33,226 Oh. (clears throat) 600 00:42:33,301 --> 00:42:36,726 - How long was that broken? - Ever since my husband installed it himself. 601 00:42:36,804 --> 00:42:39,398 - Well, it's all fixed now. - Thank you. 602 00:42:39,474 --> 00:42:41,850 What are you gonna make us do today in class, hmm? 603 00:42:41,851 --> 00:42:43,273 You'll just have to End out. 604 00:42:43,394 --> 00:42:44,737 Follow me. 605 00:42:46,773 --> 00:42:48,116 Interesting. 606 00:42:50,485 --> 00:42:54,615 Looking down at your notes, your hands, is a downer. 607 00:42:54,822 --> 00:42:56,495 Look up at your audience. 608 00:42:56,991 --> 00:43:01,918 Find not one but three different focal points and move your attention to each one. 609 00:43:01,996 --> 00:43:05,216 Start on the one side, looking into the eyes of whoever's there. 610 00:43:05,708 --> 00:43:07,335 - Hello. - Hi. 611 00:43:11,672 --> 00:43:14,767 The centre is where major points are made. 612 00:43:16,177 --> 00:43:18,179 Make them there. 613 00:43:22,350 --> 00:43:26,901 Once you've come to the other side, you know you've included everyone in the conversation. 614 00:43:32,693 --> 00:43:35,947 You don't wanna spend too much time on any one focal point. 615 00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:40,330 If you're looking and speaking to only one of your audience, 616 00:43:40,785 --> 00:43:43,538 that person may get the wrong 617 00:43:44,372 --> 00:43:45,794 message. 618 00:43:50,711 --> 00:43:52,304 Who wants to be first? 619 00:43:52,421 --> 00:43:57,302 If the balance on axis A is the same metric as axis B, 620 00:43:57,802 --> 00:44:02,228 deficits appear because of overhead, taxes and reinvestment. 621 00:44:03,182 --> 00:44:04,729 Translation? 622 00:44:05,518 --> 00:44:07,361 Miss Francesco. 623 00:44:08,187 --> 00:44:10,064 Something very complicated. 624 00:44:10,565 --> 00:44:11,908 Mr. Crowne. 625 00:44:14,861 --> 00:44:18,741 The break-even paradox of the static-How assumption? 626 00:44:19,699 --> 00:44:23,749 That is the correct answer, from page 56. 627 00:44:24,245 --> 00:44:26,589 Someone's been reading the course pack. 628 00:44:27,290 --> 00:44:31,011 While economic law abhors an assumption, 629 00:44:31,711 --> 00:44:35,136 the break-even paradox creates a whole new metric, 630 00:44:35,590 --> 00:44:38,764 an illusory flow that appears proactive 631 00:44:39,218 --> 00:44:41,767 but is, in fact, static. 632 00:44:58,279 --> 00:45:01,158 Holy smoke! You've got inventory. 633 00:45:01,240 --> 00:45:02,616 Yes, I do. 634 00:45:02,617 --> 00:45:04,369 Bad feng shui, though. 635 00:45:05,453 --> 00:45:10,084 This is all unproductive capital sitting here, unless you're selling it on eBay. 636 00:45:10,666 --> 00:45:12,509 Never buy clothes you don't try on. 637 00:45:12,585 --> 00:45:15,259 You have to feel the fabric and test the drape. 638 00:45:15,546 --> 00:45:17,969 - I don't. - Take off your pants. 639 00:45:18,758 --> 00:45:20,175 What? 640 00:45:20,176 --> 00:45:21,644 Take off your pants. 641 00:45:22,220 --> 00:45:23,642 Really? 642 00:45:23,721 --> 00:45:26,520 Get behind that rack and take off your pants! 643 00:45:27,934 --> 00:45:30,778 You know, I can't really afford all these new threads. 644 00:45:30,853 --> 00:45:32,480 'Tis gratis, Lance. 645 00:45:35,524 --> 00:45:38,528 Lance, my boyfriend's here. Put your pants back on. 646 00:45:39,362 --> 00:45:40,739 Yeah, Lance. 647 00:45:41,989 --> 00:45:43,411 Put your pants back on. 648 00:45:45,826 --> 00:45:47,169 Oh... 649 00:45:50,706 --> 00:45:52,834 (Larry grunting) 650 00:45:53,209 --> 00:45:54,677 These are a little tight. 651 00:45:57,004 --> 00:45:58,347 Hold on. 652 00:46:00,383 --> 00:46:01,760 (Larry groans) 653 00:46:05,846 --> 00:46:06,847 (all chattering) 654 00:46:08,015 --> 00:46:09,392 Two more, please. 655 00:46:11,602 --> 00:46:13,525 I knew there was a reason I skipped college. 656 00:46:13,604 --> 00:46:16,022 If I hadn't taken Matsutani's class, 657 00:46:16,023 --> 00:46:19,869 I'd never know how bad things really are. My gross assets, my true debit flow, 658 00:46:20,027 --> 00:46:21,700 my value index. 659 00:46:22,154 --> 00:46:26,375 Well, if you need a job that'll hold you over there, Kemo Sabe, just ask. 660 00:46:27,743 --> 00:46:29,916 You can still work a line, can't you? 661 00:46:29,996 --> 00:46:31,339 Yeah, I think so. 662 00:46:31,664 --> 00:46:33,915 All right, just work it out with Raul. 663 00:46:33,916 --> 00:46:36,886 He's tough, but fair. 664 00:46:37,044 --> 00:46:39,467 I'm the boss of this kitchen. You know why? 665 00:46:39,547 --> 00:46:42,257 - Because I'm tough, but I'm fair. - Tough but fair. 666 00:46:42,258 --> 00:46:43,885 You say you wanna work for me? Okay. 667 00:46:43,886 --> 00:46:45,386 If you can use me. 668 00:46:45,469 --> 00:46:47,221 Can I use you? (mutters in Spanish) 669 00:46:47,222 --> 00:46:48,939 Hey, Nick, how many jobs you got? 670 00:46:49,015 --> 00:46:50,813 Three, and I coach Little League. 671 00:46:50,891 --> 00:46:52,934 (speaking Spanish) 672 00:46:52,935 --> 00:46:56,439 En América, tres, en México, tres, en Panamé, uno. 673 00:46:58,607 --> 00:47:00,655 How long has it been since you manned a kitchen, anyway? 674 00:47:00,776 --> 00:47:02,778 (stammers) it's been a few years. 675 00:47:02,903 --> 00:47:04,280 (sighs) 676 00:47:05,197 --> 00:47:06,614 (speaking Spanish) 677 00:47:06,615 --> 00:47:09,494 Bang this bad boy out, then we'll see. 678 00:47:19,003 --> 00:47:20,471 (Larry) Order up! 679 00:47:21,797 --> 00:47:23,799 - Here they are. - Okay. 680 00:47:24,425 --> 00:47:26,302 You're gonna be on-call. You don't like it, walk. 681 00:47:26,385 --> 00:47:27,805 I need to stay in school. 682 00:47:27,806 --> 00:47:29,305 You can stay in a convent for all I care. 683 00:47:29,306 --> 00:47:32,275 - Just be on time and don't steal the flatware. - Deal. 684 00:47:32,391 --> 00:47:34,314 - I'm a good boss, right? - Great boss! 685 00:47:34,393 --> 00:47:36,395 Tough, but fair. 686 00:47:36,479 --> 00:47:38,277 Thank you. 687 00:47:38,439 --> 00:47:41,107 This may be beyond comprehension, 688 00:47:41,108 --> 00:47:43,987 but there are many people who dismiss Deep Space Nine 689 00:47:44,070 --> 00:47:46,698 in favour of the original or The Next Generation. 690 00:47:46,781 --> 00:47:50,116 Although I, too, am a fan of both of Roddenberry's visions, 691 00:47:50,117 --> 00:47:52,711 there is no version of Star Trek I do not enjoy. 692 00:47:52,787 --> 00:47:54,130 None. 693 00:47:54,789 --> 00:47:56,831 As you can tell by my uniform, 694 00:47:56,832 --> 00:47:59,176 had I the chance to attend Starfleet Academy, 695 00:47:59,251 --> 00:48:00,628 I would have studied the Life Sciences. 696 00:48:00,629 --> 00:48:03,131 Who's cutting my class? Where is Larry Crowne? 697 00:48:06,967 --> 00:48:08,765 Maybe he got the flu. 698 00:48:09,970 --> 00:48:13,395 Mr. Mack, I (clears throat) apologise. 699 00:48:13,474 --> 00:48:15,818 Please continue on with Star Wars. 700 00:48:15,893 --> 00:48:18,021 In the deep space. 701 00:48:19,730 --> 00:48:22,649 I can't even begin to tell you the difference between Star Trek 702 00:48:22,650 --> 00:48:24,994 and Lucas' Star Wars saga. it's... 703 00:48:28,531 --> 00:48:29,999 Live long and prosper. 704 00:48:30,866 --> 00:48:32,243 Energise. 705 00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:34,537 (car horns honking) 706 00:48:43,045 --> 00:48:47,767 (Matsutani) Bankruptcy. An economy cannot be free without bankruptcy. 707 00:48:48,551 --> 00:48:52,397 Its penalties are obvious, but what are its rewards? 708 00:48:52,596 --> 00:48:55,145 (panting) I am so sorry I'm late. 709 00:48:55,808 --> 00:48:59,352 Dr Matsutani, can I still sit in? 710 00:48:59,353 --> 00:49:01,196 This is college, Mr. Crowne. 711 00:49:01,272 --> 00:49:03,570 There are only two things you can't do, 712 00:49:03,649 --> 00:49:05,401 smoke in the building 713 00:49:05,526 --> 00:49:08,700 and use your phone in my class. 714 00:49:09,572 --> 00:49:11,165 Thank you. 715 00:49:12,283 --> 00:49:15,702 The advantage of a bankruptcy works both ways? How? 716 00:49:15,703 --> 00:49:20,209 You're here? You have some nerve showing your face after you've skipped my class. 717 00:49:20,458 --> 00:49:22,460 Miss Tainot. A pleasure to see you. 718 00:49:22,543 --> 00:49:25,342 Dr M. Oh, did he skip your class, also? 719 00:49:25,504 --> 00:49:26,881 In fact, he was tardy. 720 00:49:29,425 --> 00:49:32,427 - Miss Tainot, this will never happen again. - It will never happen again. 721 00:49:32,428 --> 00:49:35,056 And the next class, you will be first up for Pop Topics. 722 00:49:35,222 --> 00:49:37,941 Two minutes, Pop Topics, first up. 723 00:49:53,240 --> 00:49:54,708 (clearing throat) 724 00:49:54,909 --> 00:49:58,459 Interior design. 725 00:50:06,420 --> 00:50:08,548 Workplace etiquette. 726 00:50:09,423 --> 00:50:10,766 Good one. 727 00:50:11,926 --> 00:50:13,394 (sighs) 728 00:50:15,387 --> 00:50:17,310 (Talia exclaiming) 729 00:50:20,601 --> 00:50:21,944 (Larry) I hope they're worth it! 730 00:50:22,061 --> 00:50:25,065 - No, no, no, seriously, they're amazing! - All right. 731 00:50:25,356 --> 00:50:26,733 Come on. 732 00:50:31,028 --> 00:50:32,871 I don't believe this. 733 00:50:34,490 --> 00:50:36,788 Sharing sweets with a little dolly. 734 00:50:36,951 --> 00:50:39,454 I bet that's why he went to college. 735 00:50:39,954 --> 00:50:42,958 Find a gal who has a thing for papa bear. 736 00:50:44,708 --> 00:50:46,836 And hideous pink doughnuts. 737 00:50:47,711 --> 00:50:49,713 (laughing) Oh! 738 00:50:49,797 --> 00:50:51,390 Isn't that adorable? 739 00:50:55,678 --> 00:50:58,477 (Eli) Ooh! Who's this? 740 00:50:59,598 --> 00:51:02,477 Wow, Larry! Nice job. 741 00:51:04,144 --> 00:51:07,648 Hey, there, Project Runway! I choose you. 742 00:51:08,524 --> 00:51:12,950 Hey, Johnny Cash. Where's your guitar? 743 00:51:15,656 --> 00:51:18,500 Mr. Crowne is first. Pick and speak. 744 00:51:29,044 --> 00:51:30,842 Does this say "interior design"? 745 00:51:31,297 --> 00:51:32,674 Let's say yes. 746 00:51:37,761 --> 00:51:39,559 And go. 747 00:51:46,270 --> 00:51:47,943 Interior design. 748 00:51:48,647 --> 00:51:50,024 (classmates laughing) 749 00:51:50,566 --> 00:51:53,536 (clears throat) I know nothing about interior design. 750 00:51:54,820 --> 00:52:00,533 But I don't have to, because I know this girl who does. 751 00:52:00,534 --> 00:52:02,582 And the first time she came into my house 752 00:52:02,661 --> 00:52:05,371 she starts rearranging everything I own. 753 00:52:05,372 --> 00:52:11,220 She starts throwing out, you know, junk, and rearranging my things 754 00:52:11,295 --> 00:52:14,922 and moving my furniture to places that it's never, ever been before. 755 00:52:14,923 --> 00:52:20,020 And, before I know it, I have a Spartan interior design 756 00:52:20,137 --> 00:52:23,016 with traffic flow and feng shui, 757 00:52:23,182 --> 00:52:25,401 in which everything has to be set just so, 758 00:52:25,476 --> 00:52:29,322 otherwise the chi or the spirit of the house doesn't move. 759 00:52:29,396 --> 00:52:32,491 Then she moves from my living room into my bedroom 760 00:52:32,566 --> 00:52:34,785 and that place is a horror show. 761 00:52:34,902 --> 00:52:37,111 My closet is a disaster. 762 00:52:37,112 --> 00:52:39,490 I have too many of the wrong kind of hangers 763 00:52:39,573 --> 00:52:44,077 and I don't have enough scarves to match my ensemble. 764 00:52:44,078 --> 00:52:47,298 And my dresser drawers are pitiful. And she's throwing out... 765 00:52:47,373 --> 00:52:49,842 Oh, I can't wear matching pyjamas 766 00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:52,293 only pyjama bottoms and a T-shirt. 767 00:52:52,294 --> 00:52:55,218 Then she hops on my bed, and it's too hard! 768 00:52:55,339 --> 00:52:58,434 Who lives here? The Flintstones? Ow, Bamm-Bamm, you hurt my neck. 769 00:52:58,509 --> 00:53:00,182 (students laughing) 770 00:53:00,719 --> 00:53:04,815 Then she threw out every one of my shirts. Polo shirts are now forbidden. 771 00:53:05,265 --> 00:53:08,439 (clears throat) Can anyone remember anything from that? 772 00:53:08,602 --> 00:53:11,776 Feng shui actually works. I read about it in my Asian Studies class. 773 00:53:11,855 --> 00:53:13,277 Something about the Flintstones. 774 00:53:13,278 --> 00:53:15,608 Uh, Larry likes chicks to rearrange his junk. 775 00:53:15,609 --> 00:53:18,112 That's what we women do. We take you men and we make you better. 776 00:53:18,195 --> 00:53:20,948 We're moving off the topic. Thank you, Mr. Crowne. 777 00:53:21,031 --> 00:53:22,624 Chester, you're up. 778 00:54:02,990 --> 00:54:04,458 (mobile chiming) 779 00:54:16,503 --> 00:54:18,847 Finally, get rid of these. 780 00:54:19,965 --> 00:54:24,220 I get Dell to do the remodel and can restock everything I move in the wink of an eye. 781 00:54:25,179 --> 00:54:27,273 Well, is... 782 00:54:27,347 --> 00:54:30,683 Nice, thank you. Is this your plus-minus delta number? 783 00:54:30,684 --> 00:54:34,359 But that's what I'm asking you. Square footage this cheap is a steal, right? 784 00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:38,610 Low overhead, cheap labour. You will be in profit. Yeah, there. 785 00:54:39,193 --> 00:54:40,945 (laughs) 786 00:54:42,196 --> 00:54:44,619 - I love you, Lance Corona! - Well... 787 00:54:48,994 --> 00:54:50,371 Hey, Dell. 788 00:54:53,123 --> 00:54:55,091 I was just going back to work. 789 00:54:56,502 --> 00:55:00,803 I'm working my ass off all night just to get one little f ricking smile out of you. 790 00:55:00,881 --> 00:55:04,977 - I'm smiling. - Oh, yeah, like the Joker after three martinis. 791 00:55:05,052 --> 00:55:06,427 If they help, they help. 792 00:55:06,428 --> 00:55:08,647 You can't even have a date night now. 793 00:55:08,722 --> 00:55:10,565 You can't even chilloot for one minute! 794 00:55:10,566 --> 00:55:13,902 "Chilloot"? Did you just use the word "chilloot"? 795 00:55:13,977 --> 00:55:17,151 Did that come from a Canadian blogger thesaurus? 796 00:55:17,231 --> 00:55:19,404 Come on, let's just go home. Get in the car. 797 00:55:24,571 --> 00:55:28,407 Could you please just hold on to the cheesecake 798 00:55:28,408 --> 00:55:30,752 - so it doesn't slide back and forth? - I'm allergic to cheesecake. 799 00:55:30,828 --> 00:55:32,671 - Is that too much to ask? - Have you forgotten? 800 00:55:32,746 --> 00:55:34,747 Oh, my God. What, are you... 801 00:55:34,748 --> 00:55:38,173 Are you looking for a whole different kind of man? Mercedes? Is that it? 802 00:55:38,252 --> 00:55:39,961 (scoffs) Sure. 803 00:55:39,962 --> 00:55:42,797 I got news for you, I like myself, okay? 804 00:55:42,798 --> 00:55:46,928 You know, I put up with you, and I complain about nothing! 805 00:55:47,261 --> 00:55:50,185 I am not complaining. I am stating. 806 00:55:50,264 --> 00:55:53,859 I work and you porn-surf and pretend to work. it's a statement. 807 00:55:53,934 --> 00:55:56,778 That's so much bull right there, okay? 808 00:55:56,895 --> 00:56:00,320 I had four postings today alone. 809 00:56:00,399 --> 00:56:04,318 Fogcaster, Skyscan, Parsec12.com. 810 00:56:04,319 --> 00:56:07,198 They're not postings, they're comments. 811 00:56:07,781 --> 00:56:11,117 Comments! Like, "You're lame" is a comment. 812 00:56:11,118 --> 00:56:14,372 And who are you to judge me, Boozilla? 813 00:56:16,582 --> 00:56:18,801 You know, I know what really pisses you off. 814 00:56:18,917 --> 00:56:20,885 What is really pissing you off 815 00:56:20,961 --> 00:56:25,307 is that I like big Knockers and you don't have any! 816 00:56:30,137 --> 00:56:31,764 Maybe I should take that back. 817 00:56:33,015 --> 00:56:34,517 Stop this car. 818 00:56:35,601 --> 00:56:38,275 Stop this car. 819 00:56:39,021 --> 00:56:41,365 - I said I would take it back. - Stop the car. 820 00:56:41,440 --> 00:56:43,659 Oh, come on, it was a joke! 821 00:56:44,109 --> 00:56:46,237 Let me out of this fucking car! 822 00:56:47,571 --> 00:56:49,414 - Give me that cheesecake. - No, I take it back. 823 00:56:49,489 --> 00:56:50,832 - I take it back. - How about you just drive? 824 00:56:50,908 --> 00:56:52,581 Look, I'm letting you win! 825 00:56:52,659 --> 00:56:54,994 Drive to a cliff on the coastline, mister! 826 00:56:54,995 --> 00:56:57,965 - So, everything that you say is right! - You loser! 827 00:56:58,081 --> 00:57:02,837 I married a loser! A childish, blogging loser! 828 00:57:03,003 --> 00:57:05,973 Okay, you know what? Screw you, you washboard! 829 00:57:06,256 --> 00:57:08,600 GO! Oh, chilloot! 830 00:57:08,675 --> 00:57:10,427 I like big knockers! 831 00:57:29,863 --> 00:57:33,037 Hey, Lance! Chick alert! 832 00:57:34,034 --> 00:57:36,708 You are not gonna believe how fate meets cute. 833 00:57:39,039 --> 00:57:40,541 Well, come on! 834 00:57:50,467 --> 00:57:53,846 (Larry) Look who's waiting for a bus! Miss Tainot? 835 00:57:54,513 --> 00:57:56,481 Do you need a ride? Hop on. 836 00:57:57,891 --> 00:58:00,644 Bust up your dance in the dell with Bambi? No, thanks. 837 00:58:00,978 --> 00:58:03,276 Hey! Bambi was a boy. 838 00:58:05,065 --> 00:58:06,942 - (Larry) Hey, can you spare your spare? - Sure. 839 00:58:07,734 --> 00:58:09,202 Thank you. 840 00:58:12,072 --> 00:58:15,246 - Where did you go? - Just hooking Lance up, sweetie. 841 00:58:15,409 --> 00:58:17,286 A man on a scooter can accomplish anything, Lance. 842 00:58:21,832 --> 00:58:26,429 What do men see in irritating free spirits? 843 00:58:27,004 --> 00:58:29,848 Seriously, I am offering you a ride. 844 00:58:30,590 --> 00:58:33,764 Seriously, I can walk. 845 00:58:38,473 --> 00:58:40,100 In those shoes? 846 00:58:44,104 --> 00:58:45,902 You noticed my shoes? 847 00:58:48,775 --> 00:58:52,780 Fine, I'll ride, but I will not wear that bucket on my head. 848 00:58:53,488 --> 00:58:55,115 It's the law. 849 00:59:01,788 --> 00:59:05,791 We're going so slow a cat could knock us over, you know that, right? 850 00:59:05,792 --> 00:59:09,842 I've never given anyone a ride before! I wanna make sure we both survive! 851 00:59:09,921 --> 00:59:11,264 (chuckles) 852 00:59:11,339 --> 00:59:12,965 (chuckles sarcastically) 853 00:59:12,966 --> 00:59:14,309 Pardon me? 854 00:59:14,426 --> 00:59:16,394 I said "ha, ha, ha". 855 00:59:16,470 --> 00:59:18,347 Oh, look at this! 856 00:59:18,430 --> 00:59:19,807 Somebody is getting pinched. 857 00:59:19,890 --> 00:59:22,609 - Put your hands behind your back, sir. - No, you gotta be kidding me! 858 00:59:22,768 --> 00:59:25,237 Ooh, this looks like a DUI. This guy's in trouble. 859 00:59:25,312 --> 00:59:27,531 - No! (groans) - You have the right to an attorney. 860 00:59:27,606 --> 00:59:30,234 - Shut up, shut up! I know my rights! - (policeman) You understand that? 861 00:59:31,026 --> 00:59:32,869 - I know my rights! - All right. 862 00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:34,742 - Here we go now. - Hey! 863 00:59:34,821 --> 00:59:37,415 - Careful with that man's cheesecake, Officer! - Now, watch your head. 864 00:59:37,491 --> 00:59:39,366 He's very sensitive about his cheesecake! 865 00:59:39,367 --> 00:59:40,914 (Dean) Did you know what you just did? 866 00:59:40,994 --> 00:59:42,996 (policeman) I bet you 10 bucks that he barfs in the backseat. 867 00:59:43,580 --> 00:59:45,002 It was a bad night for that guy. 868 00:59:45,003 --> 00:59:46,591 (laughing) 869 00:59:47,584 --> 00:59:49,507 Drive on, Macduff! 870 00:59:54,966 --> 00:59:56,718 (Mercedes whooping) 871 00:59:57,052 --> 00:59:58,719 There it is! 872 00:59:58,720 --> 01:00:00,472 (Larry) On the left, got it. 873 01:00:01,014 --> 01:00:03,483 (Mercedes) On the left! 874 01:00:13,693 --> 01:00:15,528 You're following me. 875 01:00:15,529 --> 01:00:18,874 I'm just... I'm seeing you safely to your door, that's all. 876 01:00:18,990 --> 01:00:20,958 Okay. Um... 877 01:00:21,493 --> 01:00:25,037 Oh, my purse. Do you have my... 878 01:00:25,038 --> 01:00:27,257 Oh, it's in the car. The car. 879 01:00:31,211 --> 01:00:35,341 There's a key buried in that plant. 880 01:00:37,092 --> 01:00:38,514 Whoo! 881 01:00:38,885 --> 01:00:40,228 This it? 882 01:00:41,513 --> 01:00:42,890 That is it. 883 01:00:43,807 --> 01:00:46,401 There appears to be some choices. 884 01:00:48,186 --> 01:00:49,937 Uh... 885 01:00:49,938 --> 01:00:51,656 Let's see. 886 01:00:52,649 --> 01:00:54,617 Let me get this for you. 887 01:00:56,862 --> 01:00:58,409 - (alarm beeping) - Ooh! 888 01:00:59,906 --> 01:01:04,503 I have 30 seconds to disarm the alarm or the cops will be here in half an hour. 889 01:01:05,620 --> 01:01:07,964 (laughing) 890 01:01:08,081 --> 01:01:09,754 - They're slow. - Slow cops. 891 01:01:11,918 --> 01:01:14,467 Oh. Better get to it. Look away, please. 892 01:01:19,342 --> 01:01:20,685 Two, 893 01:01:23,263 --> 01:01:24,606 two, 894 01:01:26,391 --> 01:01:27,813 two, 895 01:01:29,269 --> 01:01:30,646 two. 896 01:01:31,521 --> 01:01:33,105 Pound. 897 01:01:33,106 --> 01:01:34,528 Gotcha. 898 01:01:35,400 --> 01:01:36,743 An right! 899 01:01:37,277 --> 01:01:40,030 Mission accomplished, Mr. Man in the Black. 900 01:01:42,782 --> 01:01:45,376 - Good night, Miss Tainot. - Missus. 901 01:01:45,452 --> 01:01:48,877 I'm Mrs. Tainot. 902 01:01:48,955 --> 01:01:50,878 Can't you see that? 903 01:01:50,957 --> 01:01:52,959 I assumed you preferred Miss. 904 01:01:53,043 --> 01:01:56,718 Well, when you presume, you make a pretty pair of asses out of me and you. 905 01:01:56,796 --> 01:01:58,764 Something like that, or... 906 01:01:59,382 --> 01:02:01,931 Do you know what I noticed on the ride? 907 01:02:03,094 --> 01:02:05,938 That you smell very pleasant. 908 01:02:08,141 --> 01:02:10,314 Well, thank you. 909 01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:14,857 (clears throat) 910 01:02:14,940 --> 01:02:16,408 Would you... 911 01:02:16,483 --> 01:02:17,951 Would you like to kiss me? 912 01:02:19,319 --> 01:02:23,995 Just if you... if you wanted to kiss me, it would really 913 01:02:24,074 --> 01:02:28,124 be your lucky night, because I'm half in the bag 914 01:02:28,245 --> 01:02:31,044 and my husband won't be home for, you know, 915 01:02:31,122 --> 01:02:34,001 three to five years. (laughing) 916 01:02:54,729 --> 01:02:56,697 (Mercedes) Mmm-hmm! Mmm! 917 01:03:15,208 --> 01:03:16,585 Wow! 918 01:03:16,668 --> 01:03:19,046 Whoa! Did you feel that? 919 01:03:19,212 --> 01:03:20,714 - (whoops) - Oh, this is crazy. 920 01:03:20,797 --> 01:03:23,846 Let's do that again, and this time, permission to cop a feel. 921 01:03:23,925 --> 01:03:25,598 Uh, wait, okay, okay. Miss Tainot... 922 01:03:25,599 --> 01:03:27,428 Mrs. Tainot, Mrs. Tainot... 923 01:03:27,429 --> 01:03:29,227 Oh, please, it was... Wow! 924 01:03:29,306 --> 01:03:34,904 Mrs. Tainot, it is now time for both of us to do the right thing. 925 01:03:37,355 --> 01:03:39,153 - In you go. - What? 926 01:03:39,316 --> 01:03:41,112 Are you kidding? But I thought I smelled good, too. 927 01:03:41,113 --> 01:03:43,407 - Closing the door. - How could you... Really? Really? 928 01:03:45,822 --> 01:03:47,074 Lock the door. 929 01:03:53,997 --> 01:03:55,419 (Mercedes exclaims) 930 01:03:59,085 --> 01:04:00,587 (silently) 931 01:04:10,764 --> 01:04:12,812 I can see you, you know. 932 01:04:17,395 --> 01:04:18,772 Good night, Mrs. Tainot. 933 01:04:20,106 --> 01:04:21,528 (sighing) 934 01:04:30,450 --> 01:04:32,168 (honking horn jubilantly) 935 01:04:41,169 --> 01:04:45,219 - All right, buddy, get out. - Oh, yeah, yeah. Just keep it. 936 01:04:45,298 --> 01:04:48,768 (dryly) Oh, wow, great, thanks. it'll put my kid through college. 937 01:04:49,469 --> 01:04:52,097 (groaning) Oh, my God. 938 01:04:56,184 --> 01:04:58,528 Aw, come on! Jerk! 939 01:05:07,612 --> 01:05:09,614 Oh, God, I need coffee. 940 01:05:09,948 --> 01:05:12,747 (woman on computer) I'm your dirty girl, bad boy. 941 01:05:13,201 --> 01:05:15,795 I'm your dirty girl, bad boy. 942 01:05:16,704 --> 01:05:18,997 I'm your dirty girl, bad boy. 943 01:05:18,998 --> 01:05:21,171 Jesus, hell, and tomorrow. 944 01:05:22,836 --> 01:05:24,964 Mercy! 945 01:05:28,550 --> 01:05:30,223 Oh, shit. 946 01:05:32,679 --> 01:05:35,728 Fortune cookies! Chinese food tells you the future! 947 01:05:36,349 --> 01:05:39,017 Sushi is fresh out of the sea. Tempura is fresh out of the oil. 948 01:05:39,018 --> 01:05:40,816 Accent on fr-fr-fresh! 949 01:05:40,979 --> 01:05:45,190 (Lala) But it won't keep overnight like Kung Pao chicken. 950 01:05:45,191 --> 01:05:47,614 Those flavours the next day are deep and delicious. 951 01:05:47,735 --> 01:05:49,533 Samurais are amazing chefs! 952 01:05:49,612 --> 01:05:51,285 (Steve) I weigh, like, 90 pounds. 953 01:05:51,448 --> 01:05:54,074 What's my 2:00 a.m. meal after a couple of puffs? 954 01:05:54,075 --> 01:05:58,797 Chinese food in the Chinese carton with Chinese chopsticks! 955 01:05:58,997 --> 01:06:01,716 - Yeah, yeah! - (Natalie) What about the MSG? 956 01:06:01,791 --> 01:06:05,170 That's enough of the fake debate for today. Thank you for your passion. 957 01:06:05,336 --> 01:06:06,929 (Natalie) That was so fun! 958 01:06:09,048 --> 01:06:10,425 Mr. Crowne? 959 01:06:11,259 --> 01:06:12,977 A moment, please. 960 01:06:13,219 --> 01:06:15,267 - Sure. - Uh-oh! 961 01:06:17,599 --> 01:06:19,693 Sounds like you're in trouble. 962 01:06:25,231 --> 01:06:26,699 (door closing) 963 01:06:32,906 --> 01:06:37,958 (clears throat) Last night was a confluence of too many things happening 964 01:06:38,036 --> 01:06:40,004 in too short of a time span. 965 01:06:40,705 --> 01:06:42,080 Yeah. 966 01:06:42,081 --> 01:06:47,963 I believe there was an inappropriate exchange between teacher and student. 967 01:06:50,423 --> 01:06:55,429 I was worked up and under the influence of the demon rum. 968 01:06:57,931 --> 01:07:01,276 Reminded me of a spotty incident 969 01:07:02,310 --> 01:07:05,109 I once had with a parking lot attendant, 970 01:07:06,940 --> 01:07:08,283 which was... 971 01:07:12,111 --> 01:07:16,161 At any rate, I hope the entire thing 972 01:07:16,241 --> 01:07:18,369 can be forgiven and forgotten. 973 01:07:19,452 --> 01:07:21,204 If gossip of this nature were to circulate, 974 01:07:22,830 --> 01:07:25,128 it would be not only embarrassing, 975 01:07:25,208 --> 01:07:29,008 but my status as a professor could be tarnished. 976 01:07:31,089 --> 01:07:32,591 Well, I wouldn't want that. 977 01:07:32,882 --> 01:07:35,305 So, no bragging to your pals about 978 01:07:36,219 --> 01:07:39,268 almost scoring with the drunken professor. 979 01:07:46,646 --> 01:07:48,819 Well, I should scurry along. 980 01:07:49,607 --> 01:07:52,986 Hope I don't have the same conversation with Dr Matsutani. 981 01:08:23,474 --> 01:08:26,518 The papers and records for 8656 Derby Court. 982 01:08:26,519 --> 01:08:30,355 Since River Creek Bank can't see to give me new terms, 983 01:08:30,356 --> 01:08:34,901 my mortgage has become a bad debt that I now transfer back to you. 984 01:08:34,902 --> 01:08:38,122 Oh. No, no, no. You don't wanna default on this. 985 01:08:38,197 --> 01:08:40,575 It's called a strategic foreclosure. 986 01:08:40,658 --> 01:08:43,081 Oh, I know what it's called, but you can't do this. 987 01:08:43,161 --> 01:08:45,412 See, it's bad for your credit. 988 01:08:45,413 --> 01:08:49,259 Any student of Economics 1 will tell you this move is tough, but fair. 989 01:08:50,251 --> 01:08:54,222 Larry, let's go have ourselves some complimentary coffee 990 01:08:54,297 --> 01:08:55,640 and we'll talk this out. 991 01:08:55,715 --> 01:08:59,765 Legally, I have to vacate the premises in 30 days. Keys are in it. 992 01:09:01,346 --> 01:09:05,067 This is not personal, Mrs. Gammelgaard. it's just, well, times have changed. 993 01:09:10,980 --> 01:09:12,323 (Gammelgaard) Oh, shoot! 994 01:09:12,774 --> 01:09:15,067 When we bought this house, 995 01:09:15,068 --> 01:09:18,072 I thought I'd see my kids grow up on this street. 996 01:09:18,154 --> 01:09:21,073 Man, you're whining like a goo-goo, ga-ga baby, 997 01:09:21,074 --> 01:09:24,910 when you got your health, you got no family to support. 998 01:09:24,911 --> 01:09:28,461 You're pale in America. You're a clean slate. 999 01:09:28,956 --> 01:09:30,583 You're starting over. 1000 01:09:31,584 --> 01:09:33,712 I just hate to leave. 1001 01:09:34,170 --> 01:09:38,516 Well, manifest destiny is taking you someplace else, neighbour. 1002 01:09:40,927 --> 01:09:43,521 You took the time to meditate on the vagaries of life, 1003 01:09:43,596 --> 01:09:45,849 - (car door closing) - you'd come to realise 1004 01:09:48,518 --> 01:09:51,812 that a woman with a measuring tape 1005 01:09:51,813 --> 01:09:53,690 is money in my pocket. 1006 01:09:54,273 --> 01:09:55,982 How you ladies doing? 1007 01:09:55,983 --> 01:09:58,862 Oh, this is a nice one right here. An old football table. 1008 01:09:59,070 --> 01:10:00,617 David Beckham actually owned this one. 1009 01:10:00,618 --> 01:10:03,492 Now, I got a offer for 1,800. You just gotta beat that. 1010 01:10:08,037 --> 01:10:11,498 (woman on TV) Showers should clear before the morning commute. 1011 01:10:11,499 --> 01:10:14,673 Look for sunny skies by 9:00 a.m. with temperatures in the mid- 70s. 1012 01:10:31,602 --> 01:10:33,812 These topics are to be researched 1013 01:10:33,813 --> 01:10:37,909 until you can wax poetic on them for two minutes. 1014 01:10:37,984 --> 01:10:39,526 - What'd you get? - Potatoes. 1015 01:10:39,527 --> 01:10:41,361 Spuds. Can't wait. 1016 01:10:41,362 --> 01:10:44,457 No repetition, no pauses. 1017 01:10:46,409 --> 01:10:48,787 "Disraeli"? What is that? 1018 01:10:49,328 --> 01:10:50,705 "Who" is that. 1019 01:10:51,956 --> 01:10:54,209 Guy from Disrael. I'm done! 1020 01:10:54,834 --> 01:10:58,384 No notes, no visual aids, just sacks of charm. 1021 01:10:59,172 --> 01:11:01,140 "Geography Show"? 1022 01:11:01,257 --> 01:11:03,259 - That says "George Bernard Shaw". - No, it doesn't. 1023 01:11:03,342 --> 01:11:05,265 Well, the handwriting's kind of loopy. 1024 01:11:05,678 --> 01:11:08,181 Then "Geography Show" for two minutes. 1025 01:11:10,892 --> 01:11:12,519 - Pasta! - Great. 1026 01:11:12,602 --> 01:11:14,604 Good luck, everybody. This is your final. 1027 01:11:14,771 --> 01:11:16,398 You're dismissed. 1028 01:11:26,741 --> 01:11:28,209 Have a good day. 1029 01:11:31,871 --> 01:11:33,293 (Eli) Oh, thanks. 1030 01:11:38,961 --> 01:11:40,759 (Frances) Let me get this straight. 1031 01:11:40,838 --> 01:11:44,758 You think dropping my class to open a thrift store is a good idea. 1032 01:11:44,759 --> 01:11:46,227 Not by much. 1033 01:11:47,845 --> 01:11:50,064 Mercy? Mercy, come and meet this girl. 1034 01:11:50,181 --> 01:11:53,481 She brings passion to Feminism and Modern Lit. 1035 01:11:53,559 --> 01:11:56,403 We should all be a witness. And she's leaving me. 1036 01:11:57,188 --> 01:11:58,531 We've met. 1037 01:11:58,731 --> 01:12:00,449 That was some night, huh? 1038 01:12:01,150 --> 01:12:03,869 I'm sure you and Larry Crowne have your pillow talk. 1039 01:12:03,945 --> 01:12:05,743 (scoffs) Pillow talk? 1040 01:12:07,782 --> 01:12:11,628 Lance is a sweetie, but I think he was born in the 1950s. 1041 01:12:13,663 --> 01:12:17,338 Lance is forever mute on the subject of you. Can't get a peep out of him. 1042 01:12:24,257 --> 01:12:26,476 (Frances) Lance? Larry Crowne? Who? 1043 01:12:26,551 --> 01:12:29,430 (Talia) One and the same. He works at Frank's Coffee Shop. 1044 01:12:29,595 --> 01:12:31,973 - (Frances) The pie place? - Great French toast. 1045 01:12:33,015 --> 01:12:36,601 At the end of each chapter is a study guide. 1046 01:12:36,602 --> 01:12:40,105 Master those and you will have mastered the course pack. 1047 01:12:40,106 --> 01:12:41,608 Where's Talia? 1048 01:12:42,358 --> 01:12:43,735 Where's Talia? 1049 01:12:43,818 --> 01:12:48,039 Master my course pack and you will take over the world. 1050 01:12:50,533 --> 01:12:52,035 (laughing) 1051 01:12:54,704 --> 01:12:57,127 By now, you should be laughing with me. 1052 01:13:04,046 --> 01:13:05,593 (students laughing) 1053 01:13:18,394 --> 01:13:20,112 (tooting horn) 1054 01:13:20,730 --> 01:13:22,983 - Hey, there's Lance. - Oh, yeah. 1055 01:13:25,151 --> 01:13:26,744 What a surprise. 1056 01:13:27,695 --> 01:13:30,289 Somebody skipped Matsutani's class! 1057 01:13:30,489 --> 01:13:32,742 I dropped out of college today. 1058 01:13:32,909 --> 01:13:34,252 What? 1059 01:13:34,327 --> 01:13:37,080 No, Talia, don't be a fool, stay in school. 1060 01:13:37,163 --> 01:13:40,588 And don't drink and drive, or do drugs, and quit smoking, and eat vegetables. 1061 01:13:41,042 --> 01:13:43,386 I don't, I stopped, I did, I do. 1062 01:13:44,337 --> 01:13:45,884 New watch for you. 1063 01:13:45,963 --> 01:13:47,636 Hey, we all got free tattoos. 1064 01:13:47,715 --> 01:13:50,184 I wanted something in Japanese, so check this out. 1065 01:13:51,427 --> 01:13:54,146 That one says "courage". That one says “spirit". 1066 01:13:54,388 --> 01:13:56,436 Courageous spirit. 1067 01:14:00,144 --> 01:14:01,519 I can see you! 1068 01:14:01,520 --> 01:14:03,864 This is glass! I can see through glass! 1069 01:14:06,317 --> 01:14:09,036 You know, that's Chinese, and it says 1070 01:14:09,987 --> 01:14:12,697 - soy sauce. - (laughs) Oh, shut up! 1071 01:14:12,698 --> 01:14:14,917 It does. Soy sauce! 1072 01:14:15,868 --> 01:14:17,870 Be here for our grand opening. 1073 01:14:17,954 --> 01:14:21,675 Oh, I might not make it. Some of us have finals. 1074 01:14:49,902 --> 01:14:51,370 (man) Hi, Larry! 1075 01:15:56,302 --> 01:15:57,975 - (Larry) Mack. - Yeah? 1076 01:15:58,137 --> 01:15:59,889 - Got room for one more? - I can try. 1077 01:15:59,972 --> 01:16:01,440 Thanks. 1078 01:16:01,807 --> 01:16:03,354 No room for your furniture? 1079 01:16:03,476 --> 01:16:05,399 Well, it's a tiny place. 1080 01:16:05,478 --> 01:16:07,979 How much you think you're gonna get for this sofa sleeper? 1081 01:16:07,980 --> 01:16:10,153 I don't know. You'll get me a good price. 1082 01:16:11,150 --> 01:16:13,151 You're a smart man, Larry Crowne. 1083 01:16:13,152 --> 01:16:14,825 Pizza's here at last! 1084 01:16:15,571 --> 01:16:17,244 Here's that lunch I promised you. 1085 01:16:23,579 --> 01:16:27,834 Did they tell you that I had one of these discount coupons? 1086 01:16:29,502 --> 01:16:31,846 (sighs) Son of a cock. 1087 01:16:31,921 --> 01:16:33,264 Larry Crowne. 1088 01:16:34,548 --> 01:16:36,050 Jack Strang. 1089 01:16:36,842 --> 01:16:41,348 Two extra large, a salad bucket and a box of cinnamon frosted eggs. $16.50. 1090 01:16:43,766 --> 01:16:47,521 Sorry to say this, but I need 2 bucks back. Times are tough. 1091 01:16:49,021 --> 01:16:50,364 Tell me about it. 1092 01:16:51,690 --> 01:16:53,363 You know what, forget it. 1093 01:16:53,442 --> 01:16:55,115 - Keep the change. Yeah. - Really? Yeah? 1094 01:16:55,194 --> 01:16:59,290 Hey, thanks, Crowne. I appreciate it. Every buck helps. 1095 01:16:59,365 --> 01:17:01,074 (Lamar) Put that right there. 1096 01:17:01,075 --> 01:17:03,203 Lamar, don't touch the cinnamon eggs. 1097 01:17:03,285 --> 01:17:05,083 I'm not gonna touch the cinnamon eggs, baby. 1098 01:17:05,084 --> 01:17:06,752 I don't want a cinnamon egg. 1099 01:17:08,415 --> 01:17:10,383 (all chattering indistinctly) 1100 01:17:16,382 --> 01:17:18,601 - I'm gonna miss him. You, too. - Yeah. 1101 01:17:22,179 --> 01:17:24,430 - (crying) Oh, Larry. - You're the best. 1102 01:17:24,431 --> 01:17:25,890 Come back and see us. 1103 01:17:25,891 --> 01:17:28,235 Larry, I got something for you. 1104 01:17:29,895 --> 01:17:31,563 Good luck. 1105 01:17:31,564 --> 01:17:34,067 - Well, I appreciate it, Lamar. - If you win, I get half. 1106 01:17:34,150 --> 01:17:36,109 Quick Picks. You never know. 1107 01:17:36,110 --> 01:17:37,612 (boy) Bye, Larry! 1108 01:17:41,323 --> 01:17:43,075 I'm gonna miss him. 1109 01:17:45,828 --> 01:17:48,251 (Lamar) See you, Larry! (B'Ella) Goodbye, Larry! 1110 01:18:34,835 --> 01:18:36,303 There is not a woman in the world 1111 01:18:36,378 --> 01:18:39,598 that has not been standing where you are right now. 1112 01:18:39,840 --> 01:18:42,559 So, let's get it on. Come on! Come on, let's go. 1113 01:18:52,102 --> 01:18:54,730 There you go, there you go. Yeah, baby, come on. 1114 01:18:55,648 --> 01:18:57,241 Come on, come on. 1115 01:19:01,695 --> 01:19:04,322 - How much change do you want back? - Why don't you keep it? 1116 01:19:04,323 --> 01:19:07,533 But just remember, a teacher once gave you a $12 tip. 1117 01:19:07,534 --> 01:19:09,707 - You stay in school. - Thank you. 1118 01:19:09,787 --> 01:19:12,336 You're a babe. Where do you teach? 1119 01:19:12,581 --> 01:19:15,551 I'm divorcing a professor turned writer turned blogger 1120 01:19:15,668 --> 01:19:17,511 with the libido of a 13-year-old 1121 01:19:17,586 --> 01:19:20,385 with two published books to his credit. 1122 01:19:21,298 --> 01:19:23,596 When a man shows his true colours, 1123 01:19:23,676 --> 01:19:27,397 that's when a woman has to make the decision to go or no go. 1124 01:19:29,014 --> 01:19:31,233 And we got pizza to go. 1125 01:19:54,707 --> 01:19:56,675 (Mercedes) Good morning, Larry. 1126 01:19:57,543 --> 01:19:58,965 Good morning. 1127 01:19:59,044 --> 01:20:01,638 Should I have been calling you Lance all this time? 1128 01:20:01,714 --> 01:20:03,057 (laughs) 1129 01:20:03,132 --> 01:20:05,385 Oh, no. Only one person calls me Lance. 1130 01:20:05,467 --> 01:20:07,260 Well, and all her friends. 1131 01:20:07,261 --> 01:20:10,105 I met her. She's an interesting girl. 1132 01:20:10,639 --> 01:20:13,563 She's a unique bundle, yeah. 1133 01:20:14,184 --> 01:20:16,937 And all this, you know, my clothes are her idea. 1134 01:20:17,021 --> 01:20:19,399 I had actually put that together. 1135 01:20:19,898 --> 01:20:21,491 You ready for your final? 1136 01:20:21,567 --> 01:20:23,109 Well, you'll find out. 1137 01:20:23,110 --> 01:20:25,078 (Mercedes) I drew the order last night. 1138 01:20:25,079 --> 01:20:26,738 - And? - You're last. 1139 01:20:26,739 --> 01:20:28,161 Lucky me. 1140 01:20:28,240 --> 01:20:30,993 - (Mercedes) Thank you, by the way. - What did I do? 1141 01:20:31,827 --> 01:20:34,080 - Kept our secret. - Oh. 1142 01:20:34,580 --> 01:20:36,958 I don't do many things well, but I can keep a secret. 1143 01:20:37,082 --> 01:20:38,755 Gentlemen do. 1144 01:20:40,002 --> 01:20:41,629 Allow me. 1145 01:20:43,839 --> 01:20:45,256 (Lala) Morning! 1146 01:20:45,257 --> 01:20:48,136 (Mercedes) Good morning! Let's make a few changes. 1147 01:20:48,260 --> 01:20:51,637 A box of biscuits, a bag of biscuits, a biscuit mixer! Say it! 1148 01:20:51,638 --> 01:20:54,812 (all) A box of biscuits, a bag of biscuits, a biscuit mixer! 1149 01:20:54,892 --> 01:20:56,269 Mr. Mack, get loose. 1150 01:20:56,352 --> 01:20:59,276 Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather. 1151 01:20:59,563 --> 01:21:02,191 Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather. 1152 01:21:02,316 --> 01:21:05,536 And we're moving, we're moving! This is like Tainot-paloozai Breathing. 1153 01:21:05,611 --> 01:21:08,455 (exhales) Giving birth to relaxation. 1154 01:21:10,157 --> 01:21:12,283 Pasta comes in all shapes and sizes. 1155 01:21:12,284 --> 01:21:15,879 Farfalle, otherwise known as butterfly or bow-tie shaped pasta... 1156 01:21:16,121 --> 01:21:18,715 Because Australia's been an island since the beginning of time, 1157 01:21:18,791 --> 01:21:21,920 some awfully goofy animals can be found there. Kangaroos, of course... 1158 01:21:22,044 --> 01:21:23,842 (Tori) If you're on the Moon and look down at Earth 1159 01:21:23,962 --> 01:21:26,340 you could actually see and recognise the Great Lakes. 1160 01:21:26,423 --> 01:21:29,472 They comprise 20% of the world's fresh surface water supply. 1161 01:21:29,551 --> 01:21:31,804 Aurora borealis can be found in the northern hemisphere 1162 01:21:31,887 --> 01:21:34,305 in Alaska, Canada, and Scandinavia. 1163 01:21:34,306 --> 01:21:35,728 - (Lala) Everybody loves potatoes. - How about that? 1164 01:21:35,891 --> 01:21:38,895 French fries, baked potato, potato chips, scalloped potatoes... 1165 01:21:38,977 --> 01:21:43,481 If it was the romance novelist in him that made Victoria, the Queen, such a pal, 1166 01:21:43,482 --> 01:21:47,485 chalk it up as another brick in the legacy of Ben Disraeli, 1167 01:21:47,486 --> 01:21:50,655 Earl of Beaconsfield, 1168 01:21:50,656 --> 01:21:52,657 educator, 1169 01:21:52,658 --> 01:21:55,457 (imitating English accent) and Prime Minister of Great Britain! 1170 01:21:55,577 --> 01:21:57,250 (students cheering) 1171 01:21:57,663 --> 01:21:59,165 Yeah! 1172 01:22:01,083 --> 01:22:02,801 Boom. 1173 01:22:03,710 --> 01:22:05,336 Dibiasi, that was great. 1174 01:22:05,337 --> 01:22:07,180 (speaking Spanish) 1175 01:22:08,173 --> 01:22:11,347 That leaves only Mr. Crowne and George Bernard Shaw. 1176 01:22:11,468 --> 01:22:14,938 Uh, that's "Geography Show", remember? 1177 01:22:15,264 --> 01:22:17,858 Right, the study of the Earth. 1178 01:22:18,100 --> 01:22:21,570 Yes, study of the Earth, and there goes my opening remark. 1179 01:22:21,687 --> 01:22:22,859 (laughs) 1180 01:22:22,938 --> 01:22:25,566 (clears throat) Thank you. 1181 01:22:25,649 --> 01:22:27,617 The equator 1182 01:22:27,693 --> 01:22:31,948 is that imaginary line that separates the Earth 1183 01:22:32,030 --> 01:22:34,031 into the northern and the southern hemisphere. 1184 01:22:34,032 --> 01:22:37,002 And when you cross it for the first time 1185 01:22:37,077 --> 01:22:39,796 it's a very big deal if you are in the Navy, 1186 01:22:39,872 --> 01:22:42,295 even if you're a culinary specialist. 1187 01:22:42,708 --> 01:22:46,758 The old guys make you dress up in goofy costumes 1188 01:22:46,837 --> 01:22:48,880 and you have to sing these bawdy songs. 1189 01:22:48,881 --> 01:22:51,430 And they play practical jokes on you. 1190 01:22:51,508 --> 01:22:54,136 When I did it for the first time, years ago, 1191 01:22:54,219 --> 01:22:57,564 a chief petty officer ordered me to stand watch 1192 01:22:57,639 --> 01:23:00,108 until I saw the equator as we passed it, 1193 01:23:00,184 --> 01:23:01,982 and I would recognize it by the big posts 1194 01:23:02,060 --> 01:23:06,110 that were sunk into the ocean floor and spaced every 100 yards. 1195 01:23:06,190 --> 01:23:09,785 And, obviously, I never hit my rack that night. 1196 01:23:10,402 --> 01:23:13,155 Remember the old commercial for the Navy? 1197 01:23:13,322 --> 01:23:15,406 "Join the Navy, see the world"? 1198 01:23:15,407 --> 01:23:17,580 Well, it's true. I did. 1199 01:23:17,659 --> 01:23:22,916 I saw landmarks that were both manmade and the natural things. 1200 01:23:22,998 --> 01:23:25,421 I saw deltas, I saw mountain ranges. 1201 01:23:25,751 --> 01:23:28,794 I saw the Rock of Gibraltar. I saw Hong Kong. 1202 01:23:28,795 --> 01:23:31,589 And I saw the southern sky, 1203 01:23:31,590 --> 01:23:34,469 which has different stars than the northern sky does. 1204 01:23:34,635 --> 01:23:37,184 In the Navy, I went around the world Eve times. 1205 01:23:38,138 --> 01:23:40,186 I saw the aurora borealis. 1206 01:23:40,933 --> 01:23:43,857 I had shore leave in Australia, 1207 01:23:44,311 --> 01:23:45,858 couple of times. Quite memorable. 1208 01:23:45,938 --> 01:23:49,613 And I saw the Great Lakes from the rail of a missile frigate 1209 01:23:49,733 --> 01:23:51,110 while I was on the Great Lakes. 1210 01:23:51,111 --> 01:23:56,331 I boiled and peeled and mashed and hashed an awful lot of potatoes. 1211 01:23:57,282 --> 01:23:59,956 I saw pasta once a week. 1212 01:24:00,118 --> 01:24:03,622 Spaghetti Wednesdays, when I was in charge of the galley. 1213 01:24:03,705 --> 01:24:06,123 I learned a lot of geography in the Navy 1214 01:24:06,124 --> 01:24:10,300 but I would never be able to communicate it to you 1215 01:24:11,380 --> 01:24:13,348 with such ease 1216 01:24:13,423 --> 01:24:17,724 unless I had taken a class like this. 1217 01:24:19,763 --> 01:24:24,769 I believe it was George Bernard Shaw who once quipped, 1218 01:24:24,977 --> 01:24:30,484 "A foot's brain digests philosophy into folly, 1219 01:24:31,358 --> 01:24:33,611 "science into superstition 1220 01:24:34,820 --> 01:24:36,868 "and art into pedantry. 1221 01:24:36,947 --> 01:24:40,668 "Hence a university education." 1222 01:24:41,577 --> 01:24:46,174 Sounds to me like George Bernard Shaw must have taken a college class 1223 01:24:46,707 --> 01:24:52,134 maybe even Speech 217, the Art of Informal Remarks. 1224 01:24:56,133 --> 01:24:58,261 Ding-ding! Applause, please! 1225 01:24:58,510 --> 01:25:00,012 (classmates cheering) 1226 01:25:02,055 --> 01:25:03,523 Yeah! 1227 01:25:04,600 --> 01:25:05,943 (whooping) 1228 01:25:06,018 --> 01:25:09,522 - Larry! - (Natalie) Be aggressive, Larry! 1229 01:25:11,690 --> 01:25:13,283 (Steve) Larry Crowne, you're terrific 1230 01:25:13,358 --> 01:25:15,326 (Lala) Oh, that was incredible. 1231 01:25:17,613 --> 01:25:19,331 (Steve) Best speech ever! 1232 01:25:45,098 --> 01:25:47,851 The first to finish. No surprise. 1233 01:25:49,102 --> 01:25:50,479 Mr. Crowne, 1234 01:25:51,438 --> 01:25:54,988 you have a grasp of my concepts like few others. 1235 01:25:57,235 --> 01:25:58,908 Thank you, Doctor. 1236 01:26:04,868 --> 01:26:06,415 (students chattering) 1237 01:26:07,079 --> 01:26:08,422 (laughs) 1238 01:26:37,025 --> 01:26:38,447 Hmm. 1239 01:26:39,569 --> 01:26:42,618 (Cappy) Cottage cheese to keep me trim, fruit to keep me regular, 1240 01:26:42,698 --> 01:26:44,792 and a big-ass biscuit. 1241 01:26:46,118 --> 01:26:48,837 (Larry) Club sandwich, white toast, order of French fry, chicken-fried steak. 1242 01:26:48,912 --> 01:26:51,381 That's right, chicken-fried. Big-time, Larry. 1243 01:26:59,256 --> 01:27:00,974 Spectacular. 1244 01:27:01,299 --> 01:27:02,721 Hey, Nick. 1245 01:27:02,801 --> 01:27:04,849 - Take the wheel for a second. - All right. 1246 01:27:04,970 --> 01:27:06,813 Is this the place with the killer pie? 1247 01:27:07,013 --> 01:27:09,482 What's Spanish for "My next wife just walked in"? 1248 01:27:09,558 --> 01:27:12,309 (translating in Spanish) 1249 01:27:12,310 --> 01:27:15,484 (imitating poorly) 1250 01:27:16,481 --> 01:27:20,987 Hello, I'm Larry, and I will be your culinary specialist today. 1251 01:27:21,903 --> 01:27:25,077 Larry Crowne, look at you. You work here? 1252 01:27:25,157 --> 01:27:26,830 - it's my secret identity. - Right. 1253 01:27:27,242 --> 01:27:31,203 Frances, this is the A student I was telling you about. 1254 01:27:31,204 --> 01:27:33,047 The one that smells so nice. 1255 01:27:33,498 --> 01:27:35,125 Larry, um, 1256 01:27:35,792 --> 01:27:40,514 I actually gave you an A-plus in Speech 217. 1257 01:27:40,672 --> 01:27:43,340 "A" for excellent. Lance! 1258 01:27:43,341 --> 01:27:45,059 (Larry) A-plus? 1259 01:27:45,677 --> 01:27:48,012 Well, I don't know what to say, Miss Tainot. 1260 01:27:48,013 --> 01:27:51,056 Please call me Mercy. I'm not your teacher any more. 1261 01:27:51,057 --> 01:27:52,684 Boo-hoo. 1262 01:27:52,768 --> 01:27:54,611 Unless you signed up for next term. 1263 01:27:56,354 --> 01:27:59,028 - Larry, kitchen, cook, busy. - All right. My boss. 1264 01:27:59,775 --> 01:28:01,277 Larry? 1265 01:28:02,235 --> 01:28:05,364 You're a great student. I'm not an easy A. 1266 01:28:07,866 --> 01:28:09,789 You're a great teacher. 1267 01:28:13,789 --> 01:28:16,759 I got a whiff of the chef. He smelled like grilled onions. 1268 01:28:33,892 --> 01:28:35,565 Hey, thanks, Nick. 1269 01:28:36,269 --> 01:28:39,739 Okay, I got this. Greek salad, spaghetti, meatballs. 1270 01:28:55,539 --> 01:28:59,339 (Matsutani) The ships of finance sail upon roiling seas, 1271 01:28:59,459 --> 01:29:02,429 with hidden Shoals of junk debt, 1272 01:29:02,504 --> 01:29:05,923 squalls of undercapitalisation 1273 01:29:05,924 --> 01:29:09,849 and tsunamis of the false value index. 1274 01:29:10,929 --> 01:29:15,435 This course pack, written by guess who, 1275 01:29:16,309 --> 01:29:20,109 is your map to a safe economic harbour. 1276 01:29:21,106 --> 01:29:22,653 All aboard! 1277 01:29:32,492 --> 01:29:36,954 The state charter requires a minimum of 10 students per class 1278 01:29:36,955 --> 01:29:41,458 and since there are only eight of you, 1279 01:29:41,459 --> 01:29:42,836 it costs them more... 1280 01:29:44,588 --> 01:29:46,966 - Sorry we're late! - Doesn't mean we don't care. 1281 01:29:50,802 --> 01:29:52,179 Where's Larry? 1282 01:29:52,262 --> 01:29:54,685 (Natalie) Yeah, where is Larry? (Steve) Crowne stiffed us? 1283 01:29:54,806 --> 01:29:57,182 I thought for sure he'd be here. 1284 01:29:57,183 --> 01:29:59,811 He told me your class changed his life. 1285 01:30:02,230 --> 01:30:04,232 What's the name of this class, anyway? 1286 01:30:04,983 --> 01:30:06,530 Shakespeare, the Politician. 1287 01:30:07,944 --> 01:30:09,287 Seriously? 1288 01:30:12,657 --> 01:30:15,376 Good morning, everyone. My name is Miss Tainot. 1289 01:30:15,452 --> 01:30:17,875 T-A-I-N-O-T. 1290 01:30:17,954 --> 01:30:21,629 - Not Tae-Bo, not Tai Chi. - Thanks a lot, guys. 1291 01:30:22,375 --> 01:30:25,720 Not Tie-knot. Not Snotface. 1292 01:30:59,788 --> 01:31:02,211 (automated voice) Right turn Harbor Street. 1293 01:31:02,457 --> 01:31:04,551 - Thank you. - Right turn. 1294 01:31:04,626 --> 01:31:06,210 Turning right. 1295 01:31:06,211 --> 01:31:08,712 Your destination is on the right. 1296 01:31:08,713 --> 01:31:11,136 Oh. Okay. 1297 01:31:11,216 --> 01:31:13,389 Well, thank you, Map Genie. 1298 01:31:37,659 --> 01:31:40,128 I love that dress, Cha-Cha! 1299 01:31:40,203 --> 01:31:41,580 But I'd show more leg if I were you. 1300 01:31:44,249 --> 01:31:46,092 4225? 1301 01:31:47,168 --> 01:31:49,387 You're looking for Lance. 1302 01:31:51,006 --> 01:31:52,599 4225. 1303 01:31:52,674 --> 01:31:54,051 You'll see the stairs. 1304 01:31:54,384 --> 01:31:55,727 Thank you. 1305 01:31:58,972 --> 01:32:00,770 Shorter dress'll get you wolf whistles! 1306 01:32:00,771 --> 01:32:02,517 (Dell wolf-whistles) 1307 01:32:02,600 --> 01:32:06,275 Ow! (wolf-whistles) For you. For you. 1308 01:32:07,605 --> 01:32:10,358 - So, did he close that deal? - Almost. 1309 01:32:10,442 --> 01:32:12,194 Lance, Lance, Lance. 1310 01:32:14,738 --> 01:32:16,206 (exhales) 1311 01:32:30,712 --> 01:32:32,089 Hello. 1312 01:32:34,799 --> 01:32:36,221 Mercy. 1313 01:32:40,096 --> 01:32:41,894 That's a good trick. 1314 01:32:52,650 --> 01:32:55,153 You told Lala my class changed your life. 1315 01:32:56,863 --> 01:32:59,161 Yes, yes, I said that. 1316 01:33:03,745 --> 01:33:05,588 I met you. 1317 01:33:41,366 --> 01:33:43,368 So, are you hungry? 1318 01:33:45,078 --> 01:33:46,500 Extremely. 1319 01:33:48,832 --> 01:33:51,381 Let me show you the world's smallest kitchen. 1320 01:33:53,878 --> 01:33:56,222 It's where I make my French toast. 1321 01:35:19,005 --> 01:35:20,427 (inaudible)