1
00:00:33,993 --> 00:00:37,121
And we were born on September 15...
2
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:38,665
1989.
3
00:00:38,748 --> 00:00:40,542
- And...
- And she's the older... Older twin.
4
00:00:40,625 --> 00:00:42,001
- I'm older by 10 minutes.
- She's... Ten minutes.
5
00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:45,296
'Cause she had an umbilical cord
wrapped around her neck.
6
00:00:45,380 --> 00:00:47,632
And she, like,
shoved me in there and wouldn't let me out.
7
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:49,217
I was, like, kicking her in,
8
00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:51,135
shoving her more in my mom,
9
00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:53,721
- so that's why she came out, like, later.
- Yeah.
10
00:00:53,805 --> 00:00:55,515
- And...
- She came out the bigger twin, too.
11
00:00:55,598 --> 00:00:58,810
Well, I came out a pound heavier than Kara,
12
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:00,979
so that's why I'm an inch taller now.
13
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:03,273
She's always been, like, a pound heavier.
14
00:01:03,356 --> 00:01:04,566
No.
15
00:01:04,816 --> 00:01:07,944
So, yeah, it's...
You know, I love being twins, man. It's...
16
00:01:08,027 --> 00:01:10,280
It's basically
like you have a bag of spare parts.
17
00:01:10,363 --> 00:01:11,364
- Yeah.
- You know what I mean?
18
00:01:11,447 --> 00:01:12,907
It's, like, I need a kidney down the road,
19
00:01:12,991 --> 00:01:14,993
I know he's got one, so I'm always like,
20
00:01:15,076 --> 00:01:16,619
"Hey, stay healthy, dude. Eat right."
21
00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:19,581
When we were kids,
we had our own secret language
22
00:01:19,664 --> 00:01:22,250
that only me and my brother understood.
23
00:01:30,675 --> 00:01:32,760
I guess, when we were kids,
we thought we were whales.
24
00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:34,345
Like, when things are bad,
25
00:01:34,429 --> 00:01:35,930
we don't really got to say anything
to each other.
26
00:01:36,014 --> 00:01:38,683
We just make these sounds. It's like...
27
00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:44,397
So, I just graduated from Harvard,
and I'm starting a new job
28
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:48,192
at a law firm in Southern California,
so I'm really happy about that.
29
00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:52,280
And I got a job at Hooters. I'm happy, too.
30
00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:53,531
Hooters!
31
00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:57,535
Being a twin is like being a married
couple, and you can't divorce her.
32
00:01:57,619 --> 00:02:00,788
Even, like...
I mean, I love her when we're together
33
00:02:00,872 --> 00:02:02,582
Well, actually, more so when we're distant.
34
00:02:02,749 --> 00:02:04,334
She loves nature, like me.
35
00:02:04,417 --> 00:02:07,712
She loves donating her time to charities.
36
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:10,006
And she loves eating healthy,
so that's awesome.
37
00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:11,966
She's my best friend.
38
00:02:12,050 --> 00:02:14,385
My best friend is my boyfriend.
39
00:03:28,835 --> 00:03:31,087
Pepto-Bismol, take 43.
40
00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,672
And action!
41
00:03:33,798 --> 00:03:37,552
Please, why do I have
to have such diarrhea?
42
00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:40,555
You need to drink the pink.
43
00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:43,099
- Hold it. Cut! Cut! Jack!
- What is he doing?
44
00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:44,434
Jack, are you watching this?
45
00:03:44,684 --> 00:03:46,394
What do you mean, "Cut," man?
46
00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:48,354
I... I got to be at Sesame
Street by 1:00.
47
00:03:48,479 --> 00:03:50,565
Hey, hey, hey, Reeg,
do you really have diarrhea?
48
00:03:50,648 --> 00:03:51,691
'Cause you lost weight or something.
49
00:03:51,816 --> 00:03:54,902
Why does the stomach
have all the good lines?
50
00:03:54,986 --> 00:03:56,320
"Drink the pink." That's funny.
51
00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:57,447
I'm sorry, Jack.
52
00:03:57,530 --> 00:03:59,407
The Dunkin' Donut people
want to talk to us.
53
00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:00,742
Okay, well, I got to...
54
00:04:00,825 --> 00:04:01,951
Regis, it's going to be fine.
55
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:03,786
Yeah, and you'll take care of that, and...
56
00:04:03,870 --> 00:04:05,747
Thank you very much.
I didn't need that, but cool.
57
00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:07,331
I got some bad news.
58
00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:09,125
We may lose Dunkin' Donuts.
59
00:04:09,459 --> 00:04:11,544
What do you mean "lose"?
They didn't like our pitches?
60
00:04:11,711 --> 00:04:13,004
They want Al Pacino.
61
00:04:13,671 --> 00:04:16,257
Al Pacino to do a commercial?
62
00:04:16,424 --> 00:04:17,633
The Godfather Al Pacino?
63
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,136
They got this new coffee drink,
the Dunkaccino.
64
00:04:21,345 --> 00:04:23,347
Dunkaccino, Al Pacino, they sound alike.
65
00:04:23,556 --> 00:04:25,349
- Yes.
- Well, they think it'll be a home run.
66
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:26,642
Of course it would be a home run,
67
00:04:26,726 --> 00:04:28,227
if he would ever do it, which he won't.
68
00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:29,479
Yeah, well, never say never.
69
00:04:29,562 --> 00:04:30,855
Remember, you didn't think
we could get Brad Pitt
70
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:32,356
to do that RadioShack commercial.
71
00:04:32,690 --> 00:04:33,775
I was right.
72
00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:35,693
Well, you can't be right all the time.
73
00:04:35,985 --> 00:04:37,445
Look, bottom line,
74
00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:40,198
they're going to give us one month
to make this whole Pacino thing happen,
75
00:04:40,281 --> 00:04:41,324
or they're going to go elsewhere.
76
00:04:41,491 --> 00:04:44,952
We can't lose Dunkin' Donuts.
They're our biggest client.
77
00:04:45,036 --> 00:04:47,163
Damn it. We're going to go bankrupt, buddy.
78
00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:49,373
And we have 200 employees relying on us.
79
00:04:51,876 --> 00:04:53,628
Try to have a good Thanksgiving, okay?
80
00:04:53,711 --> 00:04:55,046
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
81
00:04:55,379 --> 00:04:58,299
What do you think? Would Al Pacino
ever do a Dunkin' Donuts commercial?
82
00:04:58,508 --> 00:05:00,426
What?
83
00:05:00,593 --> 00:05:01,719
Yeah.
84
00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:03,471
Shut up.
85
00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:04,931
- Did my wife call?
- Yeah.
86
00:05:05,014 --> 00:05:07,350
You're all set for the cruise.
You guys leave a week after Hanukkah.
87
00:05:07,433 --> 00:05:09,143
Okay, all right. There's some good news.
88
00:05:09,227 --> 00:05:12,313
Yeah. She converted, right? That's so cool.
She doesn't look Jewish at all.
89
00:05:13,231 --> 00:05:15,316
Wow. That was anti-Semitic.
90
00:05:15,775 --> 00:05:16,901
What? No, I just...
91
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:19,278
See, I can say that, you can't.
You're not Jewish.
92
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:20,863
No, but I'm close.
93
00:05:21,072 --> 00:05:22,198
What... What does that mean?
94
00:05:22,448 --> 00:05:23,533
I'm an atheist.
95
00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:26,202
- You're two for two right there.
- What? No...
96
00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:29,413
Anyways, did my sister say
what time she's flying in tomorrow?
97
00:05:29,705 --> 00:05:30,748
Yeah, I was supposed to
pick her up at noon,
98
00:05:30,832 --> 00:05:31,999
but she switched the flight to earlier,
99
00:05:32,083 --> 00:05:33,376
so now she gets in at 4:00 in the morning.
100
00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:34,460
Why?
101
00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:35,753
Something about jet lag
102
00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:38,798
She never listens. She gains three hours.
103
00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:41,092
Every year, she acts like
she's flying to New Zealand.
104
00:05:41,217 --> 00:05:42,343
She's a freak, man.
105
00:05:42,426 --> 00:05:44,428
Yeah, again, you can't say that.
106
00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:45,763
No, I...
107
00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:55,356
- Honey...
- Yeah?
108
00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:56,649
Try complimenting her.
109
00:05:56,941 --> 00:05:58,276
Yeah. What?
110
00:05:58,651 --> 00:05:59,819
To avoid fighting.
111
00:05:59,902 --> 00:06:01,195
Just focus on something positive.
112
00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:04,532
Tell Jill that she has nice shoes.
113
00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:07,994
Nice shoes. That's good. That'll work.
114
00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,329
- I love you, honey.
- I love you, too.
115
00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:11,831
And I love my sister.
116
00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:14,584
And I can keep my cool.
It's only four days.
117
00:06:15,418 --> 00:06:19,964
I love my sister. I love her shoes.
118
00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:28,890
Well, I just...
119
00:06:28,973 --> 00:06:31,058
I can't find him anywhere.
120
00:06:31,142 --> 00:06:33,352
Does he know what terminal it is?
121
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:35,146
I...
122
00:06:35,229 --> 00:06:37,064
Okay, okay, I see him.
123
00:06:37,148 --> 00:06:38,357
All right, I'm hanging up.
124
00:06:39,317 --> 00:06:40,401
How are we doing?
125
00:06:40,860 --> 00:06:42,361
Where were you?
126
00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:44,238
I've been waiting forever for you.
127
00:06:44,322 --> 00:06:45,865
This place is creeping me out.
128
00:06:46,157 --> 00:06:47,992
Why so many bags?
Are the Knicks traveling with you?
129
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:49,368
- What is with this?
- Mom always said,
130
00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:52,455
"it's better to have it and not need it
than to need it and not have it."
131
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:54,790
Yeah, she did say that.
I remember that. That was cool.
132
00:06:55,166 --> 00:06:56,918
Are you going bald?
133
00:06:57,001 --> 00:06:59,587
No, no, no, no. You're getting fatter,
and your hair doesn't realize
134
00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:00,963
that it needs to cover more face.
135
00:07:01,047 --> 00:07:02,340
- Okay.
- Where'd you put the car?
136
00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:05,092
You really had to bring your bird?
137
00:07:05,176 --> 00:07:06,636
Yeah, she's my best friend.
138
00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:09,472
- Anyways, Jill, I was thinking...
- Yeah?
139
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:11,098
The house is going to be very crowded
140
00:07:11,182 --> 00:07:13,184
'cause we got the kids, and all the guests
141
00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:14,936
are coming by, and blah, blah, blah.
142
00:07:15,019 --> 00:07:17,939
So, there's this new hotel,
a Hilton that they just built down...
143
00:07:18,022 --> 00:07:20,232
But I want to spend time
with Sofie and Gary.
144
00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:22,360
Why, do you not want me to stay with you?
145
00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:24,403
No, no, no, no.
Of course I want you to stay with us.
146
00:07:24,487 --> 00:07:25,696
I was just... I was just saying.
147
00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:27,573
Okay, I'll stay with you, then.
148
00:07:27,865 --> 00:07:30,534
It's too bad,
'cause the hotel was starting to sound fun.
149
00:07:31,702 --> 00:07:34,080
Why are you doing that?
Why do you sigh so loud?
150
00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:37,333
I just really, really love your shoes.
151
00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:38,626
You are so weird.
152
00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:40,336
Isn't he weird, Poopsie?
153
00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:42,213
Where were you?
154
00:07:42,672 --> 00:07:44,256
Poopsie gets it.
155
00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:47,009
Yeah. Poopsie really gets it.
156
00:07:47,426 --> 00:07:49,136
She always did get it. I... It's just...
157
00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:51,389
She always loved getting it.
158
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:54,308
And then your dad and I
went to the soup kitchen,
159
00:07:54,392 --> 00:07:58,020
and they gave us Otto
to bring to Thanksgiving dinner this year.
160
00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:01,065
Thanks again for having me. It's very nice.
161
00:08:01,232 --> 00:08:03,067
Are you going to eat
dinner with us tonight?
162
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:04,402
Yes, he is, honey.
163
00:08:04,735 --> 00:08:05,903
And what about tomorrow night?
164
00:08:06,237 --> 00:08:08,656
Tomorrow, Otto's going to go back home...
165
00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:09,782
Less.
166
00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:12,076
Sorry.
167
00:08:12,410 --> 00:08:16,539
Sofia, show Otto your karate moves.
168
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:21,335
You know, why don't...
Why don't you go wake up Jill?
169
00:08:21,419 --> 00:08:23,087
- What?
- It's 5330.
170
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:26,215
She's here. That's the important thing.
It counts as a day.
171
00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:28,300
- So what? She's sleeping.
- Jack“.
172
00:08:28,384 --> 00:08:31,012
- All right, I'll go check on Jill.
- Thank you.
173
00:08:35,057 --> 00:08:37,101
It's okay, Otto. It's just her
174
00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:45,026
Jill.
175
00:08:46,277 --> 00:08:47,903
Wake up.
176
00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:51,490
Okay, stay sleeping...
177
00:08:51,574 --> 00:08:52,742
Jet lag.
178
00:08:52,825 --> 00:08:54,785
- I have a gun!
- Oh, my God!
179
00:08:56,620 --> 00:09:01,375
You see, I live alone.
Poopsie's trained to watch out for me.
180
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:03,502
Don't sneak up like that, all right?
181
00:09:03,753 --> 00:09:05,004
Where were you?
182
00:09:05,296 --> 00:09:06,630
I don't...
183
00:09:07,256 --> 00:09:09,216
Come downstairs. The food's ready.
184
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:11,594
Can you just lay down with me
for five minutes?
185
00:09:11,844 --> 00:09:13,596
I'm not laying down with you. No.
186
00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:16,098
Come on. I just want some twin time.
187
00:09:16,307 --> 00:09:18,517
I'm a grown man.
I'm not laying next to you.
188
00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:20,895
Just have Poopsie lay with you.
I... I don't know.
189
00:09:21,270 --> 00:09:22,772
All right.
190
00:09:23,606 --> 00:09:26,567
I'll take a bath,
and I'll meet you downstairs in an hour.
191
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,363
Good looking out, Poopsie.
192
00:09:32,615 --> 00:09:34,325
Don't forget your sweat shadow.
193
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,035
What?
194
00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:38,496
All right,
just take your bath and all that stuff,
195
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,664
and then burn those sheets.
196
00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:44,835
Hey, guys.
197
00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:48,089
Jill! You look amazing.
198
00:09:48,172 --> 00:09:49,840
Macy's, Marshalls.
199
00:09:51,342 --> 00:09:52,593
Hey, where am I sitting?
200
00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:53,719
What do you mean?
201
00:09:53,803 --> 00:09:55,930
'Cause, usually, I sit next to you.
202
00:09:56,013 --> 00:09:57,765
So all of a sudden, I'm...
I'm not going to sit here?
203
00:09:58,182 --> 00:10:00,101
Would you...
204
00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:01,435
I thought you could sit down here.
205
00:10:01,519 --> 00:10:02,603
I always sit next to Jack.
206
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:05,147
- Is there a reason I'm moving?
- No.
207
00:10:05,231 --> 00:10:07,316
Jill, if you'd like, you could sit here.
I'd be happy to move.
208
00:10:07,483 --> 00:10:09,693
That's okay. You're fine.
209
00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:11,821
If you want to... If you...
Do you want to sit here?
210
00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:14,115
I don't know.
211
00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:17,076
Okay, you just sit in my chair. How's that?
212
00:10:17,159 --> 00:10:18,244
- There you go.
- All right, thank you.
213
00:10:18,327 --> 00:10:21,330
- Gary, is that you?
- Yes, it is.
214
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:23,499
- Look how handsome you are.
- Thank you.
215
00:10:23,582 --> 00:10:24,792
It's so nice to see you.
216
00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:26,752
Look at this leaf. Look at this.
217
00:10:26,836 --> 00:10:28,170
You have it taped on you?
218
00:10:28,254 --> 00:10:29,380
- That's so cute.
- Yes.
219
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:30,506
Why did he do that?
220
00:10:30,589 --> 00:10:31,841
He likes tape.
221
00:10:31,924 --> 00:10:34,301
Hey. Sofie, is that you, or is that you?
222
00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:37,555
Good to see you, Erin.
223
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:39,181
Good to see you, Jill.
224
00:10:39,265 --> 00:10:40,641
- How was your flight?
- The house looks amazing.
225
00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:42,268
You got a new chandelier?
226
00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:43,727
Yeah, yeah.
227
00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:45,563
I loved the old one.
228
00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:49,984
So, how's every body’s Gobble-Gobble Day?
229
00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:51,819
- Great.
- Excellent.
230
00:10:51,986 --> 00:10:54,738
By the way, Jill, this is Otto. Otto.
231
00:10:54,989 --> 00:10:56,157
Nice to meet you.
232
00:10:56,949 --> 00:10:58,576
Nice to meet you.
233
00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:01,620
He's homeless, right?
234
00:11:02,997 --> 00:11:04,874
He seems clean, but you should put
235
00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:07,334
one of those toilet seat protectors
underneath him
236
00:11:07,418 --> 00:11:10,129
to make sure he doesn't ruin the chair.
237
00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:13,257
Are you whispering
with a bullhorn or something?
238
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,758
Everybody hears you.
239
00:11:14,967 --> 00:11:18,012
No, they can't, Mr. Hearing Expert.
240
00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:22,308
- So...
- Pass that down, Daddy.
241
00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:24,852
I'm allowed out here once a year,
so I tend to miss things.
242
00:11:25,019 --> 00:11:26,520
What's going on? Anything new?
243
00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:30,441
Well, Sofie just got her
green belt in karate
244
00:11:31,609 --> 00:11:33,694
How come I didn't know about this?
245
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:36,614
I didn't even know she did karate.
What... I mean,
246
00:11:37,198 --> 00:11:39,116
I feel like I'm in the
Twilight Zone right now.
247
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,869
I'm like Jimmy Stewart
at the end of that movie,
248
00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:44,538
the one where...
They... They're in Pottersville.
249
00:11:44,622 --> 00:11:46,582
What... What is that... That movie called?
250
00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,125
It's a Wonderful Life?
251
00:11:48,209 --> 00:11:49,668
No, no, with Jimmy Stewart.
252
00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:52,546
The... The one where he meets the angel
and he's mad.
253
00:11:53,047 --> 00:11:54,506
It's a Wonderful Life.
254
00:11:54,590 --> 00:11:56,091
Why do you keep saying that?
255
00:11:56,175 --> 00:11:58,385
No, the one where he falls in the pool
256
00:11:58,469 --> 00:12:01,222
and he sings Buffalo Gals.
257
00:12:01,305 --> 00:12:02,890
He gets all the money at the end,
258
00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:05,935
and he finds out
that his life really is wonderful.
259
00:12:06,644 --> 00:12:08,020
Star Wars.
260
00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,522
They play it every Christmas.
261
00:12:10,606 --> 00:12:13,192
You must have saw it
before Jack made you convert.
262
00:12:13,275 --> 00:12:14,610
What? What are you doing right now?
263
00:12:15,069 --> 00:12:17,154
Your brother didn't
make me do anything, Jill.
264
00:12:17,321 --> 00:12:19,406
Everyone has to be like Jack over here.
265
00:12:19,490 --> 00:12:20,824
Even poor Gary.
266
00:12:21,492 --> 00:12:23,077
What? What does that mean?
267
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,287
You made him switch from being Indian.
268
00:12:25,496 --> 00:12:26,705
What is wrong with you?
269
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:28,540
We adopted him when he was 10 days old.
270
00:12:28,624 --> 00:12:29,959
This is all he knows.
271
00:12:30,042 --> 00:12:33,379
Did you ever think maybe he tapes things
to himself
272
00:12:33,504 --> 00:12:35,756
'cause he doesn't feel connected?
273
00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,841
You know, to his real parents?
274
00:12:38,509 --> 00:12:40,010
That was very smart.
I just thought of that.
275
00:12:40,094 --> 00:12:41,595
Isn't it? That was interesting.
276
00:12:41,971 --> 00:12:43,472
- Aunt Jill?
- Yes, sweetheart.
277
00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:44,640
Yes, Sofie.
278
00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:46,892
Do you and Daddy have twin powers?
279
00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:49,603
What's this? What is twin powers?
280
00:12:49,687 --> 00:12:51,272
It's this thing we
saw on 60 Minutes.
281
00:12:51,355 --> 00:12:55,442
Some twins have strange powers, and they
can feel when the other one's hurt.
282
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,403
Jack and I can do that.
283
00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,948
What? Why are you making a face?
284
00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:04,034
When we were kids,
you felt it when I broke my ankle.
285
00:13:04,326 --> 00:13:06,912
I felt it 'cause you fell on my head.
286
00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:08,914
- You like that one?
- Yeah.
287
00:13:08,998 --> 00:13:10,874
- All right, good, good.
- Please!
288
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:13,043
Tell me you don't feel this.
289
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,337
I didn't feel it.
Maybe if you did it harder.
290
00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:18,549
Little harder.
291
00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:21,093
No, Jill. Stop it.
292
00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:23,053
- He's kidding.
- What?
293
00:13:25,723 --> 00:13:26,890
Donkey fight!
294
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:28,892
- Jill, are you okay?
- Yeah, no, I'm fine.
295
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:30,853
Gary, that was... He didn't 100% connect.
296
00:13:31,103 --> 00:13:32,229
Feel that, Daddy?
297
00:13:32,521 --> 00:13:34,606
I... I actually did feel something there.
298
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:35,816
Pride in my son.
299
00:13:35,941 --> 00:13:37,609
Will you stop it already?
300
00:13:37,693 --> 00:13:40,195
These sweet potatoes need salt.
301
00:13:41,030 --> 00:13:42,573
I'm so sick of that.
302
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:45,993
Why are you so afraid
to admit that we are connected?
303
00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:47,202
Face it.
304
00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:49,204
We shared Mom's womb.
305
00:13:49,288 --> 00:13:50,831
We were womb-mates.
306
00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:53,083
That is just disgusting.
307
00:13:53,167 --> 00:13:54,251
I have an idea.
308
00:13:54,335 --> 00:13:55,461
On the show, there were these twins,
309
00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:56,920
and they finished each other's sentences
310
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:58,339
Jack, maybe you could start a sentence,
311
00:13:58,422 --> 00:14:00,424
- and Jill, you could finish it.
- No. No.
312
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,134
- Come on, Daddy, please!
- Please, Daddy, please!
313
00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:03,218
- Please.
- Oh, my God.
314
00:14:03,302 --> 00:14:05,596
Ready to receive mental images.
315
00:14:07,431 --> 00:14:09,266
All right, will you stop?
You're scaring him.
316
00:14:09,350 --> 00:14:11,143
That's just noises she's making.
317
00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:13,020
- Okay, ready?
- Yes.
318
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:18,734
I'm very tired, so I'm going to...
319
00:14:18,984 --> 00:14:20,861
Go to the supermarket.
320
00:14:21,612 --> 00:14:23,322
No, I'm going to sleep.
321
00:14:23,405 --> 00:14:25,824
What is... Why would I go to a supermarket
if I was tired?
322
00:14:26,075 --> 00:14:27,117
That's what I would do.
323
00:14:27,201 --> 00:14:28,535
The cold air always wakes you up.
324
00:14:28,619 --> 00:14:31,372
Isn't it nice when it's...
You go over there in the frozen food section?
325
00:14:32,373 --> 00:14:34,666
- God bless...
- You! God bless you!
326
00:14:34,792 --> 00:14:36,877
I finished your sentence. Got you, Pagogo.
327
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:39,380
What's Pagogo?
328
00:14:39,463 --> 00:14:42,800
Oh, it's... It's a name that Aunt Jill used
to call your dad when they were growing up.
329
00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:46,220
I was Pokee, and your father was Pagogo.
330
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:48,347
We had our own secret language.
331
00:14:49,473 --> 00:14:51,475
Ook maga do do, Pagogo.
332
00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:54,061
I have no idea what those words mean,
333
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,480
nor have I ever known
what those words meant.
334
00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:58,690
You do know what they mean,
and you're lying right now.
335
00:14:58,774 --> 00:15:00,776
"Ook maga do do" means "I love you."
336
00:15:01,151 --> 00:15:02,653
"Bongi" means "thank you."
337
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:03,862
"Klapa" means "left."
338
00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:06,448
Hey, do you remember what
"Locky mocky koko" means?
339
00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:08,617
What does it mean again?
340
00:15:08,826 --> 00:15:09,868
Jack, don't.
341
00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:13,956
It means, "I can't stand you being here!"
342
00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:18,419
This is really awkward. I'm going to go.
343
00:15:18,502 --> 00:15:20,629
Dessert is coming.
344
00:15:20,838 --> 00:15:21,880
I'm full.
345
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:23,924
Okay.
346
00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:26,343
I love how nice we are
to this homeless man,
347
00:15:26,427 --> 00:15:27,678
a person we don't even know,
348
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:29,763
who probably is pretending to be homeless!
349
00:15:29,847 --> 00:15:32,850
You don't look homeless to me!
You're fat! You're al-Qaeda!
350
00:15:35,227 --> 00:15:36,520
Sofia, why don't you go upstairs?
351
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:39,189
No, Mom,
this is my favorite part of Thanksgiving.
352
00:15:39,565 --> 00:15:40,941
You know what? I'm leaving.
353
00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:44,862
I'm leaving. That's it. That's it. I'm going.
I am going! I hope you're happy!
354
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:47,781
I'm sleeping out here in the woods!
355
00:15:47,865 --> 00:15:49,867
At least the animals will be nice.
356
00:15:51,285 --> 00:15:54,204
- Jill!
- He's even turning the kids against me!
357
00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:55,747
- Are you okay?
- Jill, are you all right?
358
00:15:55,831 --> 00:15:57,791
No. See, the kids love you.
359
00:15:57,875 --> 00:16:02,296
And I love them. And that's the only reason
that I come back here every year.
360
00:16:02,588 --> 00:16:04,214
Jack, apologize.
361
00:16:04,715 --> 00:16:08,385
I'm sorry that you make
everybody uncomfortable. I really am.
362
00:16:08,552 --> 00:16:09,636
Jack.
363
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,139
All right.
I'm sorry about what I said back there.
364
00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:14,141
I didn't mean it. I... I love you.
365
00:16:14,224 --> 00:16:16,852
I just feel abandoned.
I'm all alone in the Bronx.
366
00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:18,979
I don't have any family with me any more.
367
00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:20,105
We didn't abandon you.
368
00:16:20,189 --> 00:16:22,649
I told you,
you can Skype us any time you want.
369
00:16:22,733 --> 00:16:23,984
I don't even know what that means.
370
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:26,570
What is Skype? It sounds anti-Semitic.
371
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,739
- What is it?
- It's just this Internet thing.
372
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,491
I don't get that!
373
00:16:30,574 --> 00:16:33,118
You know I don't have a calculator.
374
00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:34,703
- Okay.
- Do you know what?
375
00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:36,413
Our home is your home.
376
00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:38,957
So let's go back. I have some ice cream.
377
00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:40,876
I don't know, Erin. I'm too upset.
378
00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:42,211
I can't eat right now.
379
00:16:42,294 --> 00:16:44,171
- What flavor?
- Chocolate.
380
00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:46,840
No. You have maple walnut?
I don't like chocolate.
381
00:16:46,924 --> 00:16:48,592
I... I didn't know you liked maple walnut.
382
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:49,760
Hang in there, brother.
383
00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:52,596
She's only here till Sunday.
384
00:16:54,598 --> 00:16:57,768
What is done cannot now be amended!
385
00:16:58,519 --> 00:17:00,145
Yeah, Ted, I'm looking at it right now.
386
00:17:00,229 --> 00:17:01,939
So, this was two nights ago?
387
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:04,399
If I did take the kingdom
388
00:17:04,483 --> 00:17:07,819
from your sons, to make amends,
389
00:17:09,655 --> 00:17:11,782
I give it to your daughter.
390
00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:16,620
Will you get that?
391
00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:18,038
Whoa.
392
00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:20,374
You have a phone in your hand!
393
00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:26,004
You are told before the play
starts not to have it ring!
394
00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:28,048
Shut all cell phones off!
395
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:29,675
This is what the man said!
396
00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:32,970
Yeah, this guy's going to do
a Dunkin' Donuts commercial.
397
00:17:33,345 --> 00:17:34,763
This has got to stop.
398
00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:36,306
I'm losing my mind.
399
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,100
Help me.
400
00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:39,351
Where am I?
401
00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:42,020
Thank you. Thank you all for coming.
402
00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:43,564
Yeah.
403
00:17:43,647 --> 00:17:45,649
How do you know Pacino's going
to a Laker game?
404
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:47,442
Well, yeah, get the tickets,
405
00:17:47,526 --> 00:17:49,194
but how am I even going
to get near the guy?
406
00:17:49,278 --> 00:17:51,154
He's going to have security or something.
407
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:53,115
I'm not telling my wife
to wear something trashy
408
00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:54,366
just 'cause it would save our company.
409
00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:55,909
Unless she wants to.
I mean, that's her thing.
410
00:17:57,327 --> 00:17:59,871
No... I'm hanging up the phone. Goodbye.
411
00:18:02,666 --> 00:18:06,670
Excuse me, Mrs. Erin, the magnolia branch
in the backyard could fall off any time.
412
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:08,505
I mean, I don't want anyone to get hurt.
413
00:18:08,589 --> 00:18:09,631
Should I take it down now?
414
00:18:09,715 --> 00:18:12,175
Yeah, sure, sure.
Whatever... Whatever you think, Felipe.
415
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,260
Okay.
416
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:14,720
Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?
417
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:16,930
Yeah, I had the whole family come over.
418
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:19,558
Even my Aunt Rosa snuck across the border.
419
00:18:20,851 --> 00:18:22,686
I'm kidding, I'm kidding!
420
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:26,106
Who are you?
Are you a gardener or something?
421
00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:29,735
No, I... I don't just do gardening
I do impressions, too.
422
00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:33,780
When Immigration shows up,
I do a great impression of a tree.
423
00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:38,201
I'm kidding, I'm kidding!
424
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:41,913
Strong. All right.
Jay Leno better watch his back.
425
00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:43,248
You know it.
426
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,042
Nice to meet you, señorita.
427
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:46,585
Okay, nice to meet you.
428
00:18:48,045 --> 00:18:49,463
What is he doing?
429
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:51,548
What is his problem?
430
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:53,717
Jack, Jack, Jack!
431
00:18:54,384 --> 00:18:58,013
I put a little list together of things
I want to do before I leave, so...
432
00:18:58,388 --> 00:19:00,974
Oh, my God. I got to touch that?
433
00:19:01,058 --> 00:19:02,225
Yeah.
434
00:19:02,476 --> 00:19:04,269
"Studio tour, beach,"
435
00:19:04,353 --> 00:19:06,688
"horseback riding, get on a game show."
436
00:19:06,897 --> 00:19:09,900
You can't get through all this stuff.
You're leaving Sunday.
437
00:19:10,734 --> 00:19:11,902
I don't know.
438
00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:14,029
What do you mean, you don't know?
You know.
439
00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:16,615
I just wanted to have fun out here,
440
00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,533
and, you know, we fought last night.
441
00:19:18,617 --> 00:19:21,370
I just... I feel really
weird leaving like that.
442
00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:22,996
What do you mean? It was a great night.
443
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:25,916
We... We ate food,
we ran in the woods. It was fun.
444
00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:29,211
I just...
Maybe I should stay out through Hanukkah.
445
00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:31,129
Mom's gone now,
446
00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:33,131
so there's really nothing
for me to go back to.
447
00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:34,257
- Stay, then!
- Stay!
448
00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:36,843
She can't stay.
Because of your airline ticket.
449
00:19:36,927 --> 00:19:39,513
It's, like, the busiest time of year.
We'll never get you a return flight.
450
00:19:39,930 --> 00:19:42,557
That's why I used my twin hunch
451
00:19:42,641 --> 00:19:44,142
in knowing that we would fight,
452
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,894
and I have an open-ended ticket.
453
00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:49,940
Hanukkah! Hanukkah! Hanukkah! Hanukkah!
454
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,654
He's going to be mad.
455
00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:59,032
I don't know where we parked the car.
I don't know.
456
00:19:59,116 --> 00:20:01,201
I just want to go on with them
because they look soared.
457
00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:03,036
I know if I was riding
with them, they would...
458
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:05,747
I know you say I weigh too much,
but I don't think I do.
459
00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:09,209
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
460
00:20:09,418 --> 00:20:11,712
Okay, I'm ready! Let's go!
461
00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:13,338
Oh, my God!
462
00:20:13,422 --> 00:20:16,007
Oh, God! Look, I'm so sorry.
463
00:20:16,091 --> 00:20:18,552
I weigh too much. You were right!
464
00:20:22,097 --> 00:20:23,223
Gary...
465
00:20:23,849 --> 00:20:25,600
At least put a helmet on that thing.
466
00:20:40,782 --> 00:20:41,867
What are you doing?
467
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:45,662
Why can't I just lay with you?
468
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:47,956
You're a weirdo!
469
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,668
All right, welcome back to The Price ls Right.
Let's find out who's next.
470
00:20:51,835 --> 00:20:55,422
Jill Sadelstein, come on down!
471
00:20:55,589 --> 00:20:58,842
You're the next contestant
on The Price ls Right.
472
00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:00,469
All right, Jill, go ahead
and spin the wheel,
473
00:21:00,552 --> 00:21:02,220
- whenever you're ready.
- You are the best, Drew.
474
00:21:02,304 --> 00:21:04,014
This is awesome, guys!
475
00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:06,391
- Go ahead and...
- Are you married or not?
476
00:21:06,475 --> 00:21:08,185
No. Go ahead and...
477
00:21:10,353 --> 00:21:11,563
Jill, go ahead and spin the wheel.
478
00:21:11,646 --> 00:21:15,901
No, because I know once I spin it,
I don't get to be near you any more.
479
00:21:16,568 --> 00:21:17,611
- All right.
- All right.
480
00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:20,280
Hey, Gary, Sofie.
Come on, guys, one dollar!
481
00:21:20,363 --> 00:21:21,990
- One dollar.
- One dollar's the winner!
482
00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:23,742
Good luck to you.
483
00:21:26,203 --> 00:21:29,456
I never saw that before.
Hey, just give her a bunch of prizes.
484
00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:31,541
We'll be right back right after this.
Don't go away.
485
00:21:32,209 --> 00:21:33,543
Call an ambulance.
486
00:21:34,795 --> 00:21:36,630
It banged me good.
487
00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:39,966
Then, when I hit the floor,
that's when I really went out.
488
00:21:40,050 --> 00:21:43,512
But when I came to, it was good.
They had prizes for me.
489
00:21:43,678 --> 00:21:45,889
Say hello to my little friend!
490
00:21:49,392 --> 00:21:51,728
Do you want to play rough? Okay.
491
00:21:53,688 --> 00:21:54,981
What is she doing now?
492
00:21:58,985 --> 00:22:00,153
I don't know...
493
00:22:00,237 --> 00:22:02,155
Whoa! It's hard to hold on.
494
00:22:02,239 --> 00:22:04,157
Please don't destroy my pool.
495
00:22:04,241 --> 00:22:06,034
I've got it now. I...
496
00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:14,584
My head!
497
00:22:25,595 --> 00:22:27,013
But it's such a waste.
498
00:22:27,097 --> 00:22:28,640
A full moon, an empty yacht.
499
00:22:28,723 --> 00:22:29,766
I'll throw up.
500
00:22:29,850 --> 00:22:31,184
I'll be.
501
00:22:34,729 --> 00:22:35,981
About the roadhouse...
502
00:22:36,982 --> 00:22:39,192
They have a Cuban band
that's the berries.
503
00:22:39,276 --> 00:22:43,113
Let's go there, blindfold the orchestra,
and tango till dawn.
504
00:22:43,196 --> 00:22:45,365
- Do you know something, Mr. Fielding?
- What?
505
00:22:45,448 --> 00:22:46,449
You're dynamite.
506
00:22:46,950 --> 00:22:48,535
Daddy.
507
00:22:48,618 --> 00:22:50,662
You and Jill are so alike.
508
00:22:52,038 --> 00:22:54,583
We are nothing alike, I promise you.
509
00:23:05,594 --> 00:23:07,053
Well?
510
00:23:08,930 --> 00:23:11,057
I'm not quite sure.
511
00:23:11,141 --> 00:23:13,059
Would you try it again?
512
00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:23,278
Just watch the movie.
513
00:23:23,361 --> 00:23:27,699
I got a funny sensation in my toes.
514
00:23:27,782 --> 00:23:30,827
Like someone was barbecuing them
over a slow flame.
515
00:23:36,499 --> 00:23:39,252
I think you're on the right track.
516
00:23:40,128 --> 00:23:41,254
I must be.
517
00:23:41,338 --> 00:23:44,049
Your glasses are
beginning to steam up.
518
00:23:55,018 --> 00:23:56,019
Hello?
519
00:23:56,603 --> 00:23:57,729
Mrs. Applebaum.
520
00:23:57,812 --> 00:23:59,648
Hi. Yeah, no...
521
00:23:59,773 --> 00:24:01,358
- What are you doing?
- It wasn't an emergency.
522
00:24:01,441 --> 00:24:03,568
I just wanted to see
how my plants were doing.
523
00:24:03,652 --> 00:24:05,028
Please stop talking!
524
00:24:05,111 --> 00:24:07,447
- Okay, and you turned the heat off?
- Turn off the phone.
525
00:24:07,530 --> 00:24:08,990
All the way off, though?
526
00:24:09,074 --> 00:24:10,200
Jill, Jill!
527
00:24:10,283 --> 00:24:12,202
Yeah, I can't hear her. I'm trying to...
528
00:24:12,285 --> 00:24:15,330
- I'm on the phone.
- Well, get off the phone, you psycho!
529
00:24:18,375 --> 00:24:20,293
- No, don't cry.
- You know what?
530
00:24:20,377 --> 00:24:21,753
- Don't run away.
- You just...
531
00:24:21,836 --> 00:24:23,797
- Don't go in the woods. Jill!
- I can't believe it.
532
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:25,590
Hey!
533
00:24:26,049 --> 00:24:28,134
It's the last night of Hanukkah!
534
00:24:28,218 --> 00:24:30,470
Come on, already! It's happy time!
535
00:24:30,553 --> 00:24:32,889
Dude, way to yell at a chick.
That's awesome.
536
00:24:32,973 --> 00:24:34,140
That was a chick?
537
00:24:34,224 --> 00:24:36,559
- Yeah, that was a chick.
- Really.
538
00:24:39,270 --> 00:24:40,939
Hey! The brake.
539
00:24:41,189 --> 00:24:42,148
Hey, hey, I can do it!
540
00:24:42,232 --> 00:24:43,858
- It's all right! I got it!
- I can do it!
541
00:24:43,942 --> 00:24:44,985
It's all right!
542
00:24:45,110 --> 00:24:46,152
Hey, I can do it.
543
00:24:46,236 --> 00:24:47,237
It's okay.
544
00:24:47,362 --> 00:24:49,114
It goes fast.
545
00:24:49,197 --> 00:24:50,448
I'm getting it on him.
546
00:24:50,740 --> 00:24:52,033
She's crazy.
547
00:24:52,117 --> 00:24:53,910
She's crazy. She's never leaving.
548
00:24:54,077 --> 00:24:56,788
Well, she was going to leave
until you called her "psycho."
549
00:24:56,871 --> 00:24:59,332
She's forwarding her mail to us now!
550
00:24:59,416 --> 00:25:01,459
Highlights magazine.
551
00:25:01,543 --> 00:25:03,837
Birdy magazine addressed to Poopsie!
552
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:05,338
Okay, okay.
553
00:25:05,422 --> 00:25:07,340
Did you ever think that maybe she's lonely
554
00:25:07,424 --> 00:25:09,884
and she needs someone
to get her through the holidays?
555
00:25:10,093 --> 00:25:12,012
She needs a guy.
556
00:25:12,095 --> 00:25:14,180
- She needs a guy!
- No, no, no, no.
557
00:25:14,264 --> 00:25:15,390
If we don't get her a guy by New Year's,
558
00:25:15,473 --> 00:25:17,100
she's gonna come on the
cruise ship with us.
559
00:25:17,183 --> 00:25:19,686
We'll be locked on a boat for seven days!
I'll kill myself!
560
00:25:19,769 --> 00:25:21,604
Do not get involved in her love life.
561
00:25:22,772 --> 00:25:24,607
Aunt Jill, why don't you have any kids?
562
00:25:24,733 --> 00:25:26,693
Gary, did you make your bed this morning?
563
00:25:26,776 --> 00:25:29,529
It's okay, Erin.
You don't have to... I can tell him.
564
00:25:29,612 --> 00:25:31,656
Gary, I have all the equipment
565
00:25:31,740 --> 00:25:34,200
and it seems to be functioning well.
566
00:25:34,284 --> 00:25:36,536
I get a little reminder
every 30 days or so.
567
00:25:37,412 --> 00:25:40,957
But the point is, Gary,
I was never married.
568
00:25:41,291 --> 00:25:42,375
Why?
569
00:25:42,459 --> 00:25:44,878
Well, everyone loved your father.
570
00:25:44,961 --> 00:25:46,463
He was more of a gadfly.
571
00:25:46,546 --> 00:25:48,214
Me, I kept to myself,
572
00:25:48,298 --> 00:25:50,508
made sure Grandma and Grandpa were okay.
573
00:25:50,967 --> 00:25:53,553
But everybody loves Aunt Jill
just as much as Daddy.
574
00:25:53,636 --> 00:25:54,679
Or more.
575
00:25:54,763 --> 00:25:56,347
Don't say that.
576
00:25:56,473 --> 00:25:59,851
Your father,
he might act tough, but he has thin skin.
577
00:25:59,934 --> 00:26:01,102
You'd hurt his feelings.
578
00:26:01,186 --> 00:26:03,271
Aunt Jill, did you date boys?
579
00:26:03,354 --> 00:26:04,814
I liked boys.
580
00:26:04,898 --> 00:26:07,734
They just, they...
They never liked me back.
581
00:26:07,817 --> 00:26:11,071
My friend Mimi's mom dates boys
she meets on the computer.
582
00:26:11,154 --> 00:26:13,406
I've heard of this. Yeah, I would do that.
583
00:26:13,490 --> 00:26:16,951
It's just, I don't know
how to use a computer or a radar.
584
00:26:17,035 --> 00:26:18,203
Or a robot or whatever.
585
00:26:18,328 --> 00:26:19,329
Well, let's show her!
586
00:26:19,704 --> 00:26:21,164
- Jack.
- No, no, no.
587
00:26:21,289 --> 00:26:24,209
Sofie's the one who brought it up.
It's her. She did it.
588
00:26:24,292 --> 00:26:27,545
I would do it. I mean, what the heck?
It's no biggie. Let's go for it.
589
00:26:27,629 --> 00:26:29,506
I need a man.
590
00:26:30,256 --> 00:26:31,716
So many to choose from.
591
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:32,926
Match.c: om
592
00:26:33,009 --> 00:26:34,219
That's a good one.
593
00:26:34,302 --> 00:26:37,097
EHarmony, I've heard of.
They have commercials.
594
00:26:37,180 --> 00:26:39,140
MySoul-Mate.net.
595
00:26:39,224 --> 00:26:41,810
I like that because I got a little soul.
596
00:26:43,311 --> 00:26:46,397
Okay, so it says to press here to register
597
00:26:46,481 --> 00:26:48,691
for your perfect soul mate.
598
00:26:50,610 --> 00:26:51,903
Not like that.
599
00:26:51,986 --> 00:26:53,404
No. Like this.
600
00:26:54,322 --> 00:26:55,949
What are you, a computer whiz?
601
00:26:56,032 --> 00:26:58,660
You would think he'd be the genius,
being from India.
602
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:00,829
Now, India's,
603
00:27:00,912 --> 00:27:02,247
really amazing lately.
604
00:27:02,330 --> 00:27:03,373
They're just leading the pack.
605
00:27:03,456 --> 00:27:06,459
I read in Time magazine, they're number one.
China's number two.
606
00:27:06,543 --> 00:27:08,294
- The Jews, we're back to number three.
- Okay.
607
00:27:08,378 --> 00:27:10,588
Four is Germany,
so let's watch out, everyone.
608
00:27:10,672 --> 00:27:12,841
All right, all right, listen,
you got to pick a username, Jill,
609
00:27:12,924 --> 00:27:13,925
so just do that.
610
00:27:14,008 --> 00:27:15,301
A username?
611
00:27:15,385 --> 00:27:16,928
How about Manilow?
612
00:27:17,011 --> 00:27:20,473
'Cause he can use me anytime he wants to.
613
00:27:20,557 --> 00:27:22,600
Just kidding.
I hope you didn't understand that.
614
00:27:22,684 --> 00:27:24,477
It's a little risqué for your age.
615
00:27:24,561 --> 00:27:27,272
Okay, now you load your profile picture
that Sofie took of you.
616
00:27:27,355 --> 00:27:28,982
Can't wait to see this.
617
00:27:29,065 --> 00:27:31,943
My picture is embarrassing. Put it up.
618
00:27:35,989 --> 00:27:37,615
Is it too va-va-voomish?
619
00:27:38,700 --> 00:27:39,826
No, it's very natural.
620
00:27:39,909 --> 00:27:42,162
Maybe I should have gone
with peanut butter and jelly.
621
00:27:42,245 --> 00:27:44,247
This... I like it, I like it.
622
00:27:44,330 --> 00:27:46,082
Forget it. I'm committing to it. So, what?
623
00:27:46,207 --> 00:27:48,918
If somebody likes me,
the little envelope thing will be blinking?
624
00:27:49,043 --> 00:27:51,254
I just, I love this so much.
625
00:27:51,337 --> 00:27:54,215
I crave this, family time.
626
00:27:54,299 --> 00:27:57,719
It's why you have a family.
627
00:28:00,722 --> 00:28:02,974
A ham this good
only comes once a generation.
628
00:28:03,349 --> 00:28:04,517
Like me.
629
00:28:05,018 --> 00:28:07,478
I give this ham four rings.
630
00:28:07,562 --> 00:28:09,939
That's a hell of a
good ham right there.
631
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:11,733
Whose idea was the wig?
632
00:28:12,108 --> 00:28:13,860
That was his choice.
633
00:28:14,777 --> 00:28:16,863
I think it's great
that Shaq doesn't look like Shaq at all,
634
00:28:16,946 --> 00:28:18,990
that he looks like Al Sharpton on HGH.
635
00:28:21,743 --> 00:28:22,911
Turn the TV off.
636
00:28:23,870 --> 00:28:24,871
So, how long does it take
637
00:28:24,954 --> 00:28:26,706
to get a response
on one of those computer dating things?
638
00:28:26,789 --> 00:28:27,999
I'm... I'm new to this.
639
00:28:28,249 --> 00:28:30,877
I mean, it can take...
It can take a day, it can take a week.
640
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,171
You know what I mean?
For someone like her...
641
00:28:33,546 --> 00:28:36,341
What was that? What was...
Why'd you say, "like her"?
642
00:28:36,466 --> 00:28:40,220
Someone like her.
Like, in her 40s, still single.
643
00:28:40,303 --> 00:28:42,138
You know what I mean? Incredibly homely.
644
00:28:42,639 --> 00:28:44,682
Wow, you hate your job, don't you?
645
00:28:44,807 --> 00:28:46,726
No. I only said that
'cause you said that one time.
646
00:28:46,809 --> 00:28:48,353
I can say that 'cause I'm her twin.
647
00:28:48,603 --> 00:28:50,188
Hey, Jack, Laker game tomorrow night.
648
00:28:50,271 --> 00:28:52,065
We got to make that Pacino thing happen.
649
00:28:52,148 --> 00:28:53,733
Every body's really nervous around here.
650
00:28:53,816 --> 00:28:55,109
Yeah, I know, I know.
651
00:28:55,318 --> 00:28:56,736
What's this about a twin?
652
00:28:56,819 --> 00:28:58,238
Jack. He has a twin sister.
653
00:28:58,446 --> 00:29:01,366
Are you kidding me?
You never told me you had a twin sister.
654
00:29:01,449 --> 00:29:02,867
No, no, I mean, she's...
655
00:29:02,992 --> 00:29:04,410
Identical or fraternal?
656
00:29:04,494 --> 00:29:06,371
Nocturnal, like a bat.
657
00:29:08,122 --> 00:29:09,332
Really?
658
00:29:09,999 --> 00:29:11,668
I'll pack my stuff up, man.
659
00:29:18,841 --> 00:29:20,635
How we doing in here?
660
00:29:27,558 --> 00:29:29,394
Hey, what happened?
661
00:29:29,477 --> 00:29:32,105
Aunt Jill checked to see
if any boys liked her.
662
00:29:32,188 --> 00:29:34,440
The blinking thing never blinked.
663
00:29:34,524 --> 00:29:36,442
That's awful.
664
00:29:37,318 --> 00:29:40,530
If people could only see
how good she can open a pickle jar...
665
00:29:40,613 --> 00:29:43,241
Yeah, I know. You're right.
666
00:29:43,324 --> 00:29:45,159
Okay, see you guys...
667
00:29:52,333 --> 00:29:55,086
Okay, where do I find desperate guys?
668
00:29:55,169 --> 00:29:57,797
Twitter, Maxim,
669
00:29:57,880 --> 00:29:59,590
Craigslist.
670
00:30:01,551 --> 00:30:02,760
Yeah.
671
00:30:02,844 --> 00:30:04,929
Casual Encounters.
672
00:30:05,013 --> 00:30:07,098
All right, savages, get ready.
673
00:30:07,181 --> 00:30:10,226
Anyone wanting to meet a nice...
674
00:30:10,310 --> 00:30:11,936
No, I need someone immediately.
675
00:30:12,020 --> 00:30:14,522
Not "nice."
676
00:30:14,605 --> 00:30:17,108
Anyone wanting to meet
677
00:30:17,191 --> 00:30:21,988
a sexy gymnast model...
678
00:30:22,071 --> 00:30:25,074
No, I can't lie so much.
679
00:30:27,243 --> 00:30:28,870
A hot...
680
00:30:29,996 --> 00:30:32,040
Hi, Poopsie.
681
00:30:33,166 --> 00:30:35,335
Yeah, "hot" works.
682
00:30:35,418 --> 00:30:36,711
Crazy...
683
00:30:40,423 --> 00:30:41,632
Hey!
684
00:30:42,759 --> 00:30:44,677
Personal masseuse...
685
00:30:44,886 --> 00:30:46,471
I pull really hard.
686
00:30:46,554 --> 00:30:49,724
Watch your mother.
She's going to have relief.
687
00:30:49,807 --> 00:30:51,225
What happened?
Is she sleeping or something?
688
00:30:52,185 --> 00:30:53,478
.“Knockout
689
00:30:53,728 --> 00:30:55,229
- One dollar.
- One dollar's the winner!
690
00:30:55,313 --> 00:30:56,397
Good luck to you.
691
00:30:59,359 --> 00:31:02,362
For the night of your life,
692
00:31:02,737 --> 00:31:04,989
go to Manilow
693
00:31:05,114 --> 00:31:08,993
at mySoul-Mate.net.
694
00:31:10,745 --> 00:31:14,207
Man, I'm really throwing her to the wolves.
695
00:31:14,290 --> 00:31:16,042
But it has to be done.
696
00:31:17,752 --> 00:31:19,420
Wow.
697
00:31:20,088 --> 00:31:21,672
We're not going to tell anyone about this,
are we?
698
00:31:22,715 --> 00:31:23,883
Where were you?
699
00:31:23,966 --> 00:31:26,803
I trust you can keep a secret, kid!
700
00:31:27,804 --> 00:31:28,888
You guys!
701
00:31:28,971 --> 00:31:30,807
You guys! Are you sitting down?
702
00:31:30,890 --> 00:31:33,851
I got over 100 responses on the computer!
703
00:31:36,479 --> 00:31:38,523
Look at Miss Popular, all of a sudden.
704
00:31:38,606 --> 00:31:41,651
I mean, some of them are weirdoes,
but some of them are so nice!
705
00:31:41,734 --> 00:31:46,072
I wrote one guy back,
and we're going out tonight! Oh, my God!
706
00:31:46,155 --> 00:31:47,615
I love it!
707
00:31:47,698 --> 00:31:48,991
Oh, my God!
708
00:31:49,575 --> 00:31:50,660
Yeah.
709
00:31:50,743 --> 00:31:52,745
I'm so scared.
I don't know what I'm going to wear.
710
00:31:52,829 --> 00:31:55,081
- I'll help you. I'll help you.
- I'm freaking out.
711
00:31:55,164 --> 00:31:56,874
I feel like Julia Roberts in that movie.
712
00:31:56,958 --> 00:31:58,084
Pretty Woman.
713
00:31:58,167 --> 00:31:59,710
No, no, no, the one where she's a hooker.
714
00:31:59,794 --> 00:32:01,087
What's the name of that one?
715
00:32:01,170 --> 00:32:02,422
- Pretty Woman?
- No, no, no!
716
00:32:02,505 --> 00:32:04,966
Why are you saying that? No, the other one.
717
00:32:05,049 --> 00:32:06,342
What's the matter with you?
718
00:32:07,135 --> 00:32:08,845
What's she going to wear?
719
00:32:09,512 --> 00:32:11,347
What are you going to wear, Daddy?
720
00:32:11,681 --> 00:32:13,015
In Hell.
721
00:32:15,017 --> 00:32:16,394
Shut up.
722
00:32:16,686 --> 00:32:18,354
This is like waiting for the queen.
723
00:32:18,438 --> 00:32:20,064
Yeah, yeah.
Well, let's see what's taking her so long.
724
00:32:20,148 --> 00:32:22,859
Go up there, speed her along.
Come on, go, go, go.
725
00:32:24,694 --> 00:32:25,945
I'm answering it!
726
00:32:26,028 --> 00:32:28,781
- Funbucket's here!
- Funbucket?
727
00:32:28,865 --> 00:32:30,116
Oh, tell him I'm not ready!
728
00:32:30,199 --> 00:32:32,076
- Tell him I'm not home!
- She'll be right down.
729
00:32:32,410 --> 00:32:35,246
No! No, it won't zip! It won't zip!
730
00:32:36,122 --> 00:32:37,457
- Hey.
- Hey.
731
00:32:38,207 --> 00:32:39,292
Are you Funbucket?
732
00:32:39,542 --> 00:32:40,626
Yeah, that's me.
733
00:32:40,835 --> 00:32:42,462
You don't look like a Funbucket.
734
00:32:42,545 --> 00:32:45,673
I was picturing someone more fun
or buckety.
735
00:32:46,048 --> 00:32:48,676
You're not the crazy,
hot masseuse, are you?
736
00:32:48,759 --> 00:32:49,969
I want you to tell me right up front,
737
00:32:50,052 --> 00:32:51,721
'cause if you are, I'm
not paying for dinner.
738
00:32:52,096 --> 00:32:53,389
Come here.
739
00:32:53,556 --> 00:32:55,975
If you mention Craigslist to her
or do anything
740
00:32:56,058 --> 00:32:57,435
that hurts her, I will stick my foot...
741
00:32:57,518 --> 00:32:58,769
Funbucket?
742
00:32:59,479 --> 00:33:00,646
Manilow?
743
00:33:31,177 --> 00:33:34,013
So, yeah, you know what?
I'll be up-front with you.
744
00:33:34,096 --> 00:33:38,142
I live in the Bronx
and I don't have any children.
745
00:33:38,392 --> 00:33:40,186
In all honesty, the clock's ticking,
746
00:33:40,269 --> 00:33:43,356
so if dinner works,
we got to get to work. I'm kidding you.
747
00:33:43,439 --> 00:33:45,441
I just said that
'cause I'm very nervous right now
748
00:33:45,942 --> 00:33:47,693
and I just keep talking so much.
749
00:33:47,777 --> 00:33:50,655
My mouth is moving.
I don't even realize how much it's moving.
750
00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:54,367
It's... I'm not even feeling it.
It's cottony.
751
00:33:54,450 --> 00:33:56,994
So, is this your first date
on mySoul-Mate.net?
752
00:33:57,078 --> 00:33:58,329
Yes.
753
00:33:59,288 --> 00:34:04,293
Assuming it's really happening
and not some sort of terrifying nightmare.
754
00:34:04,377 --> 00:34:06,379
I know. What do you do for a living?
755
00:34:06,462 --> 00:34:07,505
Don't tell me. I don't want...
756
00:34:07,588 --> 00:34:09,465
I want to play 20 Questions.
Remember that game?
757
00:34:09,549 --> 00:34:11,217
When we were little? 20 Questions?
758
00:34:11,300 --> 00:34:12,969
Okay, first question. Animal, mineral...
759
00:34:13,052 --> 00:34:15,346
- I'm going to go to the bathroom.
- Okay.
760
00:34:17,139 --> 00:34:18,266
See you.
761
00:34:24,063 --> 00:34:25,731
Should I take away your salads?
762
00:34:26,482 --> 00:34:30,570
I think he's just waiting
for his to cool off.
763
00:34:30,653 --> 00:34:33,406
So, we'll just... Just a few more minutes.
764
00:34:33,489 --> 00:34:34,824
Thank you.
765
00:34:38,536 --> 00:34:41,998
Hello? Hello?
766
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:48,004
Funbucket? Funbucket?
767
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:52,174
Hello?
768
00:35:01,976 --> 00:35:04,604
He must have gone out to get some air.
769
00:35:15,698 --> 00:35:16,866
Good job.
770
00:35:18,117 --> 00:35:19,160
You're alive!
771
00:35:19,243 --> 00:35:20,244
How did it go?
772
00:35:20,703 --> 00:35:23,414
It was... It was fine.
773
00:35:23,497 --> 00:35:25,124
He didn't try anything funny
with you, did he?
774
00:35:25,374 --> 00:35:26,751
No, no.
775
00:35:26,834 --> 00:35:28,127
Does he want to go out again?
776
00:35:28,210 --> 00:35:30,379
- Is he your prince?
- Are you his princess?
777
00:35:30,713 --> 00:35:31,797
Did he ask for your number?
778
00:35:31,881 --> 00:35:33,007
Did he kiss you good night?
779
00:35:33,090 --> 00:35:35,384
Will you kids stop it already?
780
00:35:35,468 --> 00:35:36,844
It was just a date!
781
00:35:37,303 --> 00:35:40,306
Why do you put so much pressure on me?
782
00:35:40,931 --> 00:35:43,351
Why are there so many stairs?
783
00:35:43,726 --> 00:35:46,312
I miss your old chandelier!
784
00:35:46,395 --> 00:35:48,314
No one's ever going to love me!
785
00:35:48,397 --> 00:35:50,191
I'm a loser!
786
00:35:50,566 --> 00:35:52,568
Oh, my God, I'm an idiot.
787
00:35:53,152 --> 00:35:54,320
Why?
788
00:35:54,737 --> 00:35:56,030
Why are you an idiot?
789
00:35:57,573 --> 00:36:01,661
Busted, disgusted, never to be trusted.
790
00:36:05,915 --> 00:36:07,124
Hi, Jill.
791
00:36:07,375 --> 00:36:08,918
It's okay, it's...
792
00:36:09,877 --> 00:36:11,671
We've all had bad dates.
793
00:36:11,962 --> 00:36:14,173
Whatever. He was such a...
794
00:36:14,256 --> 00:36:16,759
I thought he was cool for a second.
795
00:36:17,218 --> 00:36:20,221
Jack feels like you deserve to go out
with a guy who treats you right.
796
00:36:20,513 --> 00:36:23,766
So guess who is taking you
to the Lakers game tomorrow night.
797
00:36:24,475 --> 00:36:26,977
Hairfingers23 from the computer?
798
00:36:27,269 --> 00:36:30,022
No, actually, I'm your date.
799
00:36:30,690 --> 00:36:33,109
I love that, Pagogo!
800
00:36:33,192 --> 00:36:34,694
Ook maga do do!
801
00:36:34,777 --> 00:36:36,028
That sounds great.
802
00:36:36,112 --> 00:36:38,030
Finally some twin time.
803
00:36:38,406 --> 00:36:41,450
Oh, pali wali, zoom gali gali.
804
00:36:41,867 --> 00:36:44,328
That means,
"I want to choke on my own vomit."
805
00:36:44,620 --> 00:36:48,457
Does it? I... I'm a little rusty.
I don't remember everything.
806
00:36:58,134 --> 00:37:00,970
Oh, my God, look at these guys.
They're huge.
807
00:37:01,053 --> 00:37:02,304
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- They're too big.
808
00:37:02,388 --> 00:37:03,556
- It's freaky.
- Will you stop?
809
00:37:03,639 --> 00:37:04,932
- It's weird.
- Stop it.
810
00:37:05,015 --> 00:37:08,436
- No, it's... Where do they buy pants?
- Just please keep walking. I'm sorry.
811
00:37:08,519 --> 00:37:12,273
It's like nuclear-power-plant big.
That's... That's big.
812
00:37:13,441 --> 00:37:15,109
John, we're so close here.
813
00:37:15,985 --> 00:37:17,278
- Hey.
- You got us in the game.
814
00:37:17,361 --> 00:37:18,696
What's...
815
00:37:19,405 --> 00:37:20,906
What's going on with the beard, man?
816
00:37:21,282 --> 00:37:23,576
I'm doing research.
I don't want to be recognized, okay?
817
00:37:40,509 --> 00:37:42,094
- Who is that?
- Hey, Jill, don't go nuts,
818
00:37:42,178 --> 00:37:44,096
but I'm gonna try and talk to Al Pacino.
819
00:37:44,180 --> 00:37:45,264
It's Pacino!
820
00:37:45,347 --> 00:37:47,057
Al Pacino, the movie actor?
821
00:37:47,141 --> 00:37:49,226
Yes, yes, stay calm.
822
00:37:49,435 --> 00:37:52,229
What do you think people are thinking here,
that I'm sitting with my rabbi?
823
00:37:52,521 --> 00:37:54,190
Hey, guys, big game tonight.
824
00:37:54,523 --> 00:37:55,858
- Yeah.
- How you doing, Johnny?
825
00:37:55,941 --> 00:37:56,984
- How are you?
- Huge fan.
826
00:37:57,067 --> 00:37:59,403
- Good to see you. Thank you.
- And, Mr. Pacino,
827
00:37:59,487 --> 00:38:02,156
I actually met you one time
at a movie premiere.
828
00:38:06,494 --> 00:38:07,620
He's thirsty.
829
00:38:07,870 --> 00:38:08,913
Okay.
830
00:38:08,996 --> 00:38:12,792
It was Cats & Dogs 3,
and we were sitting in the same row.
831
00:38:12,875 --> 00:38:16,086
One of your kids knocked over your popcorn,
and I gave you mine.
832
00:38:16,212 --> 00:38:18,547
And you called me "Popcorn"
the rest of the night.
833
00:38:18,839 --> 00:38:20,090
- Popcorn.
- Yes.
834
00:38:20,174 --> 00:38:22,009
Yeah, nice to see you again.
835
00:38:22,092 --> 00:38:23,302
Hey, what's with the beard?
836
00:38:23,385 --> 00:38:25,137
You look a little like Bin Laden.
837
00:38:25,679 --> 00:38:27,807
- I was kind of thinking Castro, myself.
- Yeah.
838
00:38:27,890 --> 00:38:31,352
No, no, it's like the cough drops guy,
the Smith Brothers.
839
00:38:31,936 --> 00:38:33,479
Who is that? Is that your wife?
840
00:38:33,729 --> 00:38:36,190
No, no, no, that's my sister Jill.
She's in from the Bronx.
841
00:38:36,524 --> 00:38:38,943
- Hey, Al, do you think you'd ever...
- Dulcinea.
842
00:38:39,026 --> 00:38:40,069
What's that?
843
00:38:40,152 --> 00:38:41,237
You're from the Bronx?
844
00:38:41,403 --> 00:38:43,656
Yeah, born and bred.
Throggs Neck, the nice part.
845
00:38:43,739 --> 00:38:45,115
Al, I got a question for you,
846
00:38:45,199 --> 00:38:47,451
- and I know it's a long shot.
- Well, I'm from the Bronx.
847
00:38:47,535 --> 00:38:48,536
- Okay.
- Did you know that?
848
00:38:48,619 --> 00:38:50,329
Yeah, to be honest,
I don't know much about you.
849
00:38:50,412 --> 00:38:53,415
I haven't seen a lot of your movies,
but I hear you're very serious.
850
00:38:53,707 --> 00:38:55,292
- Well, you know...
- Okay.
851
00:38:55,376 --> 00:38:58,170
Hey, is Ryan Seacrest here?
Have you seen him? Do you know him?
852
00:38:58,254 --> 00:38:59,547
I'm sorry, who-crest?
853
00:38:59,797 --> 00:39:01,549
Al, would you ever consider doing a...
854
00:39:01,632 --> 00:39:04,510
Who is your friend? Was he in Duran Duran?
Were you in Duran Duran?
855
00:39:05,135 --> 00:39:07,555
Yes. Yes, I was.
856
00:39:07,638 --> 00:39:09,431
So, tell me,
how long are you gonna be in L.A.?
857
00:39:09,557 --> 00:39:11,767
- Oh, my God. Is that John Stamos?
- Who?
858
00:39:11,934 --> 00:39:14,019
Pagogo, Pagogo,
let's go before he gets away!
859
00:39:14,103 --> 00:39:15,479
I want to see him up close! Please!
860
00:39:15,813 --> 00:39:18,440
So, Al, I'm gonna get a hold
of your agent, if that's cool.
861
00:39:18,524 --> 00:39:19,984
Time to play ball.
862
00:39:22,945 --> 00:39:24,572
When's the marching band come out?
863
00:39:25,281 --> 00:39:26,699
- That's not going to happen.
- No?
864
00:39:27,241 --> 00:39:29,118
Here we go. Here we go.
865
00:39:30,953 --> 00:39:32,663
Kobe Bryant!
866
00:39:48,679 --> 00:39:50,598
Compliments of Mr. Pacino.
867
00:39:50,681 --> 00:39:52,099
What's this?
868
00:39:58,772 --> 00:40:00,274
I can't believe this.
869
00:40:00,608 --> 00:40:02,109
This is insane, man!
870
00:40:02,192 --> 00:40:04,111
- You got to call him!
- Cool your buns.
871
00:40:04,194 --> 00:40:07,156
You know I'm still hurting
from the whole Funbucket fiasco.
872
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:10,910
No, but Pacino liked you!
I swear to God, he really liked you!
873
00:40:10,993 --> 00:40:12,411
Will you stop already?
874
00:40:12,494 --> 00:40:15,289
You know all he wants to do
is play Twister with your sister.
875
00:40:15,623 --> 00:40:17,458
Jill, will you just do this for me?
876
00:40:17,791 --> 00:40:20,920
You know, maybe I'll be ready
to date again in a few weeks.
877
00:40:21,003 --> 00:40:23,005
We'll sit and talk about it on New Year's.
878
00:40:27,843 --> 00:40:29,553
New Year's?
879
00:40:29,637 --> 00:40:32,723
But you're not gonna be here on New Year's,
'cause that's after our birthday.
880
00:40:33,015 --> 00:40:34,350
Which is when you're leaving.
881
00:40:34,683 --> 00:40:36,810
Yeah. I guess so.
882
00:40:37,019 --> 00:40:39,813
So, if New Year's comes up,
883
00:40:39,897 --> 00:40:43,484
just tell Jill that one more passenger
on the cruise ship, it'll sink.
884
00:40:43,776 --> 00:40:45,110
I'm not telling her that.
885
00:40:45,194 --> 00:40:48,030
Tell her... You got to tell her something.
I'm not having her come to Europe.
886
00:40:48,113 --> 00:40:49,323
It's the kids' first trip.
887
00:40:49,657 --> 00:40:50,824
Hey, how are we doing in here?
888
00:40:50,908 --> 00:40:52,534
It's 6132.
889
00:40:52,618 --> 00:40:55,955
Forty-three years ago
at this very time, you were born.
890
00:40:56,038 --> 00:40:57,790
Happy birthday, Number One.
891
00:40:58,207 --> 00:41:00,292
- Okay, thank you.
- Happy birthday, you guys.
892
00:41:00,376 --> 00:41:02,461
- Okay.
- No, no, no, not yet, not yet!
893
00:41:02,544 --> 00:41:04,254
I wasn't born yet. I'm 6:33.
894
00:41:04,338 --> 00:41:06,048
- I'm still 42, Erin.
- God.
895
00:41:06,131 --> 00:41:09,843
So how does it feel, old man?
Getting rickety in the bones?
896
00:41:10,469 --> 00:41:13,305
I'm so bummed that you're leaving tomorrow.
I'm going to miss you.
897
00:41:13,597 --> 00:41:15,307
Yeah. God.
898
00:41:15,391 --> 00:41:18,143
I'm going to miss...
I'm going to miss you guys, too.
899
00:41:18,227 --> 00:41:19,395
Especially on New Year's.
900
00:41:19,728 --> 00:41:21,438
Get the violins going, yeah.
901
00:41:21,689 --> 00:41:24,650
It's just, every year,
I'd go with Mom to Valentino's.
902
00:41:24,733 --> 00:41:27,277
It's the restaurant, Erin,
where my mother met my father.
903
00:41:28,445 --> 00:41:30,072
I knew that was going to be big.
904
00:41:30,823 --> 00:41:33,701
Don't throw it out.
We can make a birthday candle with it.
905
00:41:37,079 --> 00:41:38,998
Hey, we're only 40 minutes late, guys.
906
00:41:39,081 --> 00:41:40,958
I hope they sing Happy
Birthday to us.
907
00:41:41,041 --> 00:41:42,960
Yeah, I hope we still have
our table there, Slick.
908
00:41:43,043 --> 00:41:45,796
Why is it so dark in here?
Are we going to get killed or something?
909
00:41:45,879 --> 00:41:47,214
Surprise!
910
00:41:47,548 --> 00:41:48,674
Oh, my God.
911
00:41:48,757 --> 00:41:50,259
Jack, we got you.
912
00:41:50,342 --> 00:41:52,678
You are having a party for us?
913
00:41:52,761 --> 00:41:53,929
Coolness!
914
00:41:54,013 --> 00:41:55,723
Every body's here.
915
00:41:55,806 --> 00:41:58,600
And I just had to meet your twin sister.
916
00:41:58,684 --> 00:42:00,269
Very nice to see you.
917
00:42:00,394 --> 00:42:02,980
I mean, you guys really do look alike.
918
00:42:03,355 --> 00:42:05,899
I say that all the time. He says no.
919
00:42:06,233 --> 00:42:07,901
Jill, I want to introduce you around.
920
00:42:08,402 --> 00:42:10,404
This is going to be a bad night.
921
00:42:10,487 --> 00:42:13,157
This is going to be an awful, awful night.
922
00:42:13,490 --> 00:42:16,368
Really, it's fascinating.
So, how does it work, Mr. Subway Sandwich?
923
00:42:16,452 --> 00:42:17,661
Just, well, just tell me more.
924
00:42:17,745 --> 00:42:18,787
Just Jared's fine.
925
00:42:18,871 --> 00:42:20,372
Call you Jared? Okay, sure.
926
00:42:20,456 --> 00:42:22,499
It's just, 10 sandwiches a day.
927
00:42:22,583 --> 00:42:25,377
To me, that seems too much,
almost like a job. I couldn't do that.
928
00:42:25,461 --> 00:42:26,920
- I don't eat that many.
- No?
929
00:42:27,004 --> 00:42:28,672
Okay, okay, here's the situation.
930
00:42:28,756 --> 00:42:31,050
You're here, there's not a Subway in sight.
931
00:42:31,133 --> 00:42:33,594
You're at a steakhouse like this.
What do you eat? What do you eat?
932
00:42:33,677 --> 00:42:35,345
- I eat other things.
- You do?
933
00:42:35,429 --> 00:42:38,599
You do? I knew you were cheating.
That's why there's so much goo left on you.
934
00:42:38,932 --> 00:42:41,143
- What?
- I miss the old Jared,
935
00:42:41,226 --> 00:42:43,645
the 400-pound Jared that scared us.
936
00:42:43,729 --> 00:42:44,855
I don't miss that one at all.
937
00:42:45,147 --> 00:42:47,399
Well, I'm sure you don't.
But if he was around, he'd be with me
938
00:42:47,483 --> 00:42:48,901
and not with the two hookers.
939
00:42:52,279 --> 00:42:54,782
Well, yeah, we love musicals.
You know what?
940
00:42:54,865 --> 00:42:56,241
You're the Sham-Wow man, right?
941
00:42:56,492 --> 00:42:57,951
- Yeah.
- Funny story.
942
00:42:58,243 --> 00:43:00,788
- Jack used to be a bed-wetter.
- No!
943
00:43:00,871 --> 00:43:02,748
He could have used one
of these Sham-Wow things
944
00:43:02,831 --> 00:43:05,417
20 years ago for his pee puddles.
945
00:43:06,376 --> 00:43:08,295
There's Mr. Yellow Sheets!
946
00:43:10,297 --> 00:43:11,423
Where you going, Puddles?
947
00:43:12,633 --> 00:43:14,843
All right, nice to meet you all.
948
00:43:15,177 --> 00:43:17,471
Am I crazy or is she hot?
949
00:43:17,846 --> 00:43:19,264
You're crazy.
950
00:43:19,348 --> 00:43:21,225
It's Jack with boobs.
951
00:43:21,308 --> 00:43:22,893
Jack with boobs. That's right.
952
00:43:23,018 --> 00:43:24,311
There he is!
953
00:43:25,187 --> 00:43:26,939
Dude, did you set this whole thing up?
954
00:43:27,022 --> 00:43:28,941
Yeah, we got through it, man.
It came out pretty dope, I think.
955
00:43:29,024 --> 00:43:31,235
It's amazing. Hey, Jill.
956
00:43:32,194 --> 00:43:33,570
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Come here for a sec.
957
00:43:33,695 --> 00:43:36,323
Okay, nice to see you. What's going on?
958
00:43:36,657 --> 00:43:38,784
Did I ever tell you Todd is an atheist?
959
00:43:38,867 --> 00:43:40,953
- A what?
- God.
960
00:43:41,036 --> 00:43:42,454
Have a great time, guys.
961
00:43:42,538 --> 00:43:44,665
No. How could there be a Grand Canyon
962
00:43:44,748 --> 00:43:46,125
if God didn't exist?
963
00:43:46,542 --> 00:43:49,378
Right. That's a very good point.
I'm just saying, you know, maybe...
964
00:43:49,461 --> 00:43:52,881
Maybe God wouldn't have given you
a rat face if you believed in him.
965
00:43:52,965 --> 00:43:54,049
I don't have a rat face.
966
00:43:54,133 --> 00:43:56,009
Yes, you do have a rat face! It's scary.
967
00:43:56,093 --> 00:43:57,469
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
968
00:43:57,553 --> 00:43:59,263
- This guy doesn't believe in God?
- No!
969
00:43:59,346 --> 00:44:02,307
No, no, I'm just saying
that there's not real proof.
970
00:44:02,474 --> 00:44:05,894
Idiots like you really make me mad!
971
00:44:06,061 --> 00:44:07,479
- Fight! Fight!
- Fight him!
972
00:44:07,563 --> 00:44:08,772
Fight! Fight! Fight!
973
00:44:08,856 --> 00:44:10,482
Because I'm about to US Open your skull!
974
00:44:10,566 --> 00:44:13,026
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
975
00:44:13,235 --> 00:44:16,780
Happy birthday to you
976
00:44:17,072 --> 00:44:20,951
Happy birthday to you
977
00:44:21,410 --> 00:44:26,165
Happy birthday, dear Jack...
978
00:44:26,248 --> 00:44:28,333
And Jill
979
00:44:28,417 --> 00:44:33,297
Happy birthday to you
980
00:44:33,380 --> 00:44:34,798
Come on, make a wish, you twins.
981
00:44:34,882 --> 00:44:36,675
- Okay, let's do it.
- Where's the other cake?
982
00:44:36,758 --> 00:44:38,635
- There's not enough candles for both of us.
- All right, Jill.
983
00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:40,846
One cake's enough. Make the wish.
984
00:44:41,763 --> 00:44:43,849
Mom and Dad always got us two cakes.
985
00:44:44,558 --> 00:44:46,310
Made us both feel special.
986
00:44:46,393 --> 00:44:48,145
I don't think Mom and Dad would like this.
987
00:44:48,395 --> 00:44:50,189
Make the wish already! I'm hungry!
988
00:44:50,898 --> 00:44:52,691
Will you stop already?
Blow out the candles.
989
00:45:06,622 --> 00:45:07,748
Whoa!
990
00:45:08,332 --> 00:45:09,917
Funny meeting you here.
991
00:45:11,627 --> 00:45:13,962
Don't be startled. It's only me.
992
00:45:16,882 --> 00:45:17,883
It's always the same thing.
993
00:45:17,966 --> 00:45:19,092
It's L.A.
994
00:45:19,176 --> 00:45:21,720
I never know where I am.
It's a wilderness here.
995
00:45:21,803 --> 00:45:23,764
I mean, in the Bronx,
996
00:45:23,847 --> 00:45:25,432
you got the streets, you got the numbers.
997
00:45:25,515 --> 00:45:27,809
YOU go'[ 187th, 188th.
998
00:45:27,893 --> 00:45:29,394
- Yeah, right, in order.
- It follows in sequence.
999
00:45:29,478 --> 00:45:31,980
Here, you got the palm trees,
and they all look alike.
1000
00:45:34,524 --> 00:45:36,652
I have no idea where we are.
1001
00:45:37,152 --> 00:45:38,695
- You really don't?
- I don't.
1002
00:45:38,779 --> 00:45:41,281
Lucky... Lucky for us, I
got the panic button.
1003
00:45:41,490 --> 00:45:42,491
You have a panic button?
1004
00:45:42,574 --> 00:45:45,661
Yeah, and we'll soon find out
where we are, huh?
1005
00:45:49,164 --> 00:45:50,624
- There we go.
- That's a house.
1006
00:45:50,707 --> 00:45:51,833
That's not a bakery.
1007
00:45:52,167 --> 00:45:54,378
Whether we go in a bakery, a house,
what difference does it make?
1008
00:45:54,461 --> 00:45:55,587
It makes a difference!
1009
00:45:55,796 --> 00:45:57,881
- What do you mean?
- There's a bakery in the house.
1010
00:45:57,965 --> 00:45:59,424
- Get out of town!
- Come on.
1011
00:45:59,508 --> 00:46:00,926
I'm not going to your house.
1012
00:46:01,009 --> 00:46:02,761
I want to see a birthday cake soon
1013
00:46:02,844 --> 00:46:04,763
or I'm taking pepper spray out.
I'm not kidding.
1014
00:46:04,846 --> 00:46:07,641
O ye of little faith.
1015
00:46:07,724 --> 00:46:09,351
What is that, a Shakespeare?
1016
00:46:09,434 --> 00:46:11,103
No, that was Jesus.
1017
00:46:11,186 --> 00:46:12,980
Okay, birthday girl.
1018
00:46:13,105 --> 00:46:14,690
- Oh, my God.
- Here it is.
1019
00:46:14,815 --> 00:46:15,941
You name it,
1020
00:46:16,191 --> 00:46:18,777
Xavier, my guy, will bake it.
1021
00:46:20,195 --> 00:46:21,363
Oh, my God!
1022
00:46:21,446 --> 00:46:23,740
- Look, I made her happy.
- I love this!
1023
00:46:23,824 --> 00:46:24,908
L made you happy...
1024
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:31,290
Nutcracker.
1025
00:46:31,373 --> 00:46:34,209
No. That? That's Man of La Mancha.
1026
00:46:34,293 --> 00:46:36,878
They offered me the part
of Don Quixote on Broadway.
1027
00:46:37,045 --> 00:46:38,130
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Yeah.
1028
00:46:38,213 --> 00:46:40,090
But, you know, I'm just, I'm not there yet,
1029
00:46:40,173 --> 00:46:41,341
so I'm mulling it over, you know?
1030
00:46:41,425 --> 00:46:45,053
I love that. That's where
the man's in the tower ringing the bell?
1031
00:46:45,387 --> 00:46:48,432
That's Quasimodo.
That's Hunchback of Notre-Dame.
1032
00:46:48,724 --> 00:46:50,934
See, this is Don Quixote.
1033
00:46:51,018 --> 00:46:54,313
Don Quixote meets this fallen woman
1034
00:46:54,396 --> 00:46:57,190
who he thinks is his lost love Dulcinea.
1035
00:46:57,274 --> 00:46:59,651
Right. And he can't straighten his back,
1036
00:46:59,735 --> 00:47:01,278
so he keeps ringing the bell.
1037
00:47:01,361 --> 00:47:03,697
And he has a sidekick. It was a mouse.
1038
00:47:04,072 --> 00:47:05,699
Okay, moving on.
1039
00:47:05,782 --> 00:47:09,036
Listen, Bronx,
I got a birthday surprise for you.
1040
00:47:09,119 --> 00:47:11,079
- Another one?
- Yeah.
1041
00:47:11,371 --> 00:47:14,291
It's my
1042
00:47:14,374 --> 00:47:17,044
original stickball stick.
1043
00:47:18,211 --> 00:47:19,796
- Come with me a second.
- Let me just eat some cake.
1044
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:22,007
- This is so good.
- Leave it. You've been eating enough.
1045
00:47:22,090 --> 00:47:24,259
- We really have to stop now?
- Xavier!
1046
00:47:27,679 --> 00:47:29,306
- Nice.
- He's going to throw the ball,
1047
00:47:29,389 --> 00:47:32,017
and you are going to take this stick
with two hands, right?
1048
00:47:32,100 --> 00:47:33,185
And you're going to hit it.
1049
00:47:33,268 --> 00:47:35,020
Do I have to play this weird game?
1050
00:47:35,103 --> 00:47:37,564
It's not weird. Jill, it's in you.
1051
00:47:37,647 --> 00:47:40,359
It's in your DNA. Just think Bronx.
1052
00:47:40,442 --> 00:47:41,610
Let it just float.
1053
00:47:41,693 --> 00:47:43,028
Okay, okay, Okay...
1054
00:47:43,111 --> 00:47:45,197
Can you do me a favor
and not hold me like this?
1055
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:46,448
All right. I'm just trying to show you.
1056
00:47:46,531 --> 00:47:49,785
Okay, all you got to do is
make contact, that's all.
1057
00:47:49,868 --> 00:47:52,537
I feel like this is your game
and it's not my game.
1058
00:47:52,621 --> 00:47:55,207
If you want to play my game,
Hungry Hungry Hippos, Sabaday.
1059
00:47:55,290 --> 00:47:57,250
- Do you have that here?
- That's coming.
1060
00:47:57,751 --> 00:47:59,753
Goobledy gibble globbity!
1061
00:48:00,128 --> 00:48:01,963
What language are you speaking?
1062
00:48:02,255 --> 00:48:03,340
Just throw it.
1063
00:48:04,466 --> 00:48:06,510
Okay. Come on, no batter here, pitcher!
No batter!
1064
00:48:06,593 --> 00:48:08,136
I just don't know why we're doing this.
1065
00:48:08,762 --> 00:48:09,971
Whoa!
1066
00:48:10,972 --> 00:48:13,600
Ch, my God! Oh, my God!
1067
00:48:13,683 --> 00:48:15,185
I am so sorry!
1068
00:48:15,977 --> 00:48:17,938
I'm sure you have others, though.
1069
00:48:18,355 --> 00:48:21,900
You'd think it, but oddly enough, I don't.
1070
00:48:21,983 --> 00:48:23,068
But I have you.
1071
00:48:23,151 --> 00:48:25,278
- You don't have me. I...
- I'd rather have you.
1072
00:48:25,362 --> 00:48:26,613
I'm sorry. I'm going to go.
1073
00:48:26,696 --> 00:48:29,533
I just... I had fun, but I'm so tired.
1074
00:48:29,616 --> 00:48:31,576
It's 8:30 in the morning, my time.
1075
00:48:31,660 --> 00:48:33,203
Do you know what time it is for me?
1076
00:48:33,912 --> 00:48:35,789
It is time for my salvation.
1077
00:48:36,373 --> 00:48:39,835
Because finally, I found the one woman,
1078
00:48:40,585 --> 00:48:42,838
with all her rough-hewn charm,
1079
00:48:43,547 --> 00:48:45,090
who will lead me back
1080
00:48:47,134 --> 00:48:48,510
to sanity.
1081
00:48:51,471 --> 00:48:52,556
You're sick.
1082
00:48:52,639 --> 00:48:53,682
You're a sweetie.
1083
00:48:54,099 --> 00:48:56,768
I saw what you were doing with the stick,
and it was gross.
1084
00:48:56,852 --> 00:48:58,353
- Thank you, Sabaday.
- Wait a minute,
1085
00:48:58,437 --> 00:48:59,938
where do you think you're going?
1086
00:49:00,021 --> 00:49:02,524
I'm not your wham-bam-eggs-and-ham type.
1087
00:49:02,607 --> 00:49:04,192
But you don't have a car.
1088
00:49:08,780 --> 00:49:11,032
Why are you ignoring me?
1089
00:49:14,703 --> 00:49:16,538
What happened to me?
1090
00:49:17,456 --> 00:49:18,498
What's this?
1091
00:49:18,832 --> 00:49:20,459
Help me!
1092
00:49:21,543 --> 00:49:22,794
Where were you?
1093
00:49:23,420 --> 00:49:24,546
What do you mean?
1094
00:49:25,005 --> 00:49:26,923
I was here, bird.
1095
00:49:28,884 --> 00:49:30,218
Felipe.
1096
00:49:30,510 --> 00:49:32,888
Miss Jill? What you doing out here?
1097
00:49:32,971 --> 00:49:35,640
I stayed out here
because I didn't want to go in the house.
1098
00:49:35,724 --> 00:49:37,642
And Erin tried to make me come back in
and I wouldn't.
1099
00:49:38,018 --> 00:49:40,729
He yelled at me 'cause
I rejected Al Pacino.
1100
00:49:41,021 --> 00:49:44,232
Well, if you need something to do,
I'm just fixing the timer
1101
00:49:44,316 --> 00:49:46,485
and heading off to a big family picnic.
1102
00:49:46,818 --> 00:49:48,987
We play soccer, eat,
1103
00:49:49,070 --> 00:49:51,072
steal white people's wallets...
1104
00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:52,365
What did you say?
1105
00:49:52,491 --> 00:49:54,242
I'm kidding! I'm kidding!
1106
00:49:55,368 --> 00:49:56,536
We don't eat.
1107
00:49:57,078 --> 00:49:59,414
Stop it. Why won't you help me?
1108
00:49:59,498 --> 00:50:01,708
What are you doing? Put Poopsie down!
1109
00:50:02,417 --> 00:50:03,877
It flew in my bread.
1110
00:50:11,259 --> 00:50:12,427
Hey, Rosa!
1111
00:50:13,220 --> 00:50:14,429
This is my friend, Jill.
1112
00:50:14,554 --> 00:50:16,056
- Hi.
- That's my father,
1113
00:50:16,139 --> 00:50:19,559
my mama, my brother Juan,
my other brother Juan,
1114
00:50:19,643 --> 00:50:21,019
Juan Jr.,
1115
00:50:21,102 --> 00:50:24,272
my sister Juanita, my grandma Juangelina,
1116
00:50:24,940 --> 00:50:26,608
and that... I'm kidding!
1117
00:50:27,567 --> 00:50:30,111
I was going to say, that's a lot of Juans!
1118
00:50:30,403 --> 00:50:31,613
We're not all named Juan.
1119
00:50:31,696 --> 00:50:33,823
Hey, niños! Look, these are my kids.
1120
00:50:33,907 --> 00:50:36,576
José, José Jr. Y Josefina
1121
00:50:36,910 --> 00:50:39,704
They are beautiful. Hi. Hi.
1122
00:50:39,788 --> 00:50:41,623
They all look like my wife, thank God.
1123
00:50:41,706 --> 00:50:44,584
Your wife? I need to meet her.
Where is she?
1124
00:50:44,918 --> 00:50:47,170
Well, she passed away four years ago.
1125
00:50:47,629 --> 00:50:48,964
I'm so sorry.
1126
00:50:49,130 --> 00:50:51,007
- I lost my mother recently.
- No, that's all right.
1127
00:50:51,091 --> 00:50:53,301
I love talking about my wife.
1128
00:50:53,802 --> 00:50:56,388
And I know she's up there
1129
00:50:56,471 --> 00:50:58,306
sneaking into Heaven right now.
1130
00:51:00,267 --> 00:51:02,143
It's a joke! It's a joke!
1131
00:51:02,477 --> 00:51:03,603
Your father's bad.
1132
00:51:03,687 --> 00:51:06,064
He's bad! He's very bad!
1133
00:51:06,147 --> 00:51:08,525
Ready for the best Mexican food
you ever had?
1134
00:51:08,608 --> 00:51:11,278
- I never had Mexican food.
- What?
1135
00:51:11,361 --> 00:51:14,906
I'm sorry. It's not my fault.
They don't serve it at my deli.
1136
00:51:14,990 --> 00:51:17,659
- Well, today is your lucky day.
- Okay.
1137
00:51:17,909 --> 00:51:19,035
- Taste.
- Cool.
1138
00:51:19,953 --> 00:51:20,954
Wow!
1139
00:51:21,288 --> 00:51:22,539
That's chile relleno.
1140
00:51:22,622 --> 00:51:24,499
It looks like a knish.
1141
00:51:25,625 --> 00:51:27,919
Never had Mexican food.
1142
00:51:28,336 --> 00:51:30,338
It's very, very good.
1143
00:51:34,134 --> 00:51:35,802
I'm kidding. Are you okay?
1144
00:51:36,094 --> 00:51:38,179
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Heads up.
1145
00:51:38,346 --> 00:51:39,598
What is this thing?
1146
00:51:39,681 --> 00:51:41,391
No, no, no, no, no, no!
1147
00:51:41,474 --> 00:51:43,852
It's too hot. Just like you.
1148
00:51:44,477 --> 00:51:46,229
Felipe, easy.
1149
00:51:49,524 --> 00:51:50,817
Come on, Jill!
1150
00:51:50,900 --> 00:51:52,068
Come on!
1151
00:52:05,332 --> 00:52:06,458
Get Jill out there!
1152
00:52:38,365 --> 00:52:39,574
Come on, Jill, run!
1153
00:52:39,741 --> 00:52:40,784
Run!
1154
00:52:45,914 --> 00:52:47,916
Jalapeños. Jalapeños.
1155
00:52:48,166 --> 00:52:50,210
Okay, this is yours.
1156
00:52:57,384 --> 00:52:58,510
What happened?
1157
00:52:58,593 --> 00:53:00,470
- Jalapeños! Jalapeños!
- Jalapeños?
1158
00:53:00,553 --> 00:53:02,263
Did I get it?
1159
00:53:03,473 --> 00:53:04,683
Jalapeños.
1160
00:53:05,225 --> 00:53:06,685
Go! Run!
1161
00:53:14,401 --> 00:53:16,152
Shoot that! Shoot that!
1162
00:53:20,657 --> 00:53:21,741
Goal!
1163
00:53:22,867 --> 00:53:24,035
Whoa!
1164
00:53:29,791 --> 00:53:32,085
It's not a guy.
1165
00:53:32,460 --> 00:53:34,337
Felipe, I love it!
1166
00:53:37,257 --> 00:53:38,383
Hey, hey, hey...
1167
00:53:38,633 --> 00:53:40,135
Hey, Mr. Popcorn.
1168
00:53:40,593 --> 00:53:43,638
Is that Al Pacino?
Are you kidding me? How you doing?
1169
00:53:43,722 --> 00:53:47,475
Listen, I got a little something here
for Ms. Sadelstein.
1170
00:53:47,976 --> 00:53:49,686
My God, she's not here right now.
1171
00:53:49,769 --> 00:53:51,563
That's our loss, isn't it?
1172
00:53:51,813 --> 00:53:55,066
Have you any idea
when she might be coming home?
1173
00:53:55,150 --> 00:53:56,276
Hopefully soon.
1174
00:53:56,568 --> 00:53:58,445
You know what, I hope so.
I'm waiting on her, too.
1175
00:53:58,737 --> 00:54:00,071
And I wanted to tell you, Al,
1176
00:54:00,155 --> 00:54:02,490
if she wasn't receptive the other night...
1177
00:54:03,742 --> 00:54:05,410
- Oh, my God!
- I know she's in here, Popcorn.
1178
00:54:05,493 --> 00:54:07,746
- How'd you get over the fence?
- Jill, come on!
1179
00:54:07,829 --> 00:54:09,622
You want me to get you
something to eat or...
1180
00:54:09,706 --> 00:54:12,333
All I want to do is make you happy!
1181
00:54:12,500 --> 00:54:15,795
I want to see you.
I want to know that you exist.
1182
00:54:15,879 --> 00:54:18,089
That I'm not just imagining you!
1183
00:54:18,173 --> 00:54:20,759
Al, she really isn't here. For real.
1184
00:54:21,092 --> 00:54:22,677
- This it?
- Yeah.
1185
00:54:23,052 --> 00:54:24,053
She sleeps here?
1186
00:54:24,179 --> 00:54:25,472
She does. She sleeps there.
1187
00:54:27,390 --> 00:54:29,851
God, sorry you have to see that.
1188
00:54:30,435 --> 00:54:31,519
She sleeps with someone?
1189
00:54:31,603 --> 00:54:33,188
No, no, no, no, that's a bird.
1190
00:54:33,271 --> 00:54:34,981
That's not a human. No problems.
1191
00:54:35,315 --> 00:54:36,941
Look at this.
1192
00:54:37,025 --> 00:54:38,902
- Isn't that something?
- Yeah.
1193
00:54:38,985 --> 00:54:40,361
How does this happen?
1194
00:54:40,695 --> 00:54:42,238
Al, I wouldn't lay there.
1195
00:54:42,322 --> 00:54:43,698
That's not...
1196
00:54:48,161 --> 00:54:49,954
She leaves an after-scent.
1197
00:54:50,288 --> 00:54:52,123
Hey, Popcorn, you know,
1198
00:54:52,207 --> 00:54:54,667
you're not really giving me
any confidence here.
1199
00:54:54,751 --> 00:54:56,044
- About what?
- Where is she?
1200
00:54:56,127 --> 00:54:58,421
- Al, I don't know where...
- Where you hiding her?
1201
00:54:58,505 --> 00:55:00,215
She's coming back,
she just is not here right...
1202
00:55:00,298 --> 00:55:01,466
Hey, Jill!
1203
00:55:01,549 --> 00:55:03,384
Lot of places to hide. Hey, Jill!
1204
00:55:03,676 --> 00:55:05,887
Al, she's coming back, I swear to you.
1205
00:55:05,970 --> 00:55:08,348
- She got an 8:00 flight tonight, so I promise.
- What?
1206
00:55:08,431 --> 00:55:09,516
She's leaving?
1207
00:55:12,310 --> 00:55:13,686
Come here.
1208
00:55:14,103 --> 00:55:16,898
- Come to you?
- Yeah, come, come. We gotta talk.
1209
00:55:17,565 --> 00:55:18,858
Yeah.
1210
00:55:20,693 --> 00:55:21,694
You want to turn my name into
1211
00:55:21,778 --> 00:55:24,280
some coffee-drink
chocolate-doughnut thing?
1212
00:55:24,572 --> 00:55:26,658
Well, yeah. Tastefully, though. I think...
1213
00:55:26,950 --> 00:55:28,409
Then you get me the girl.
1214
00:55:28,910 --> 00:55:30,036
Get you the girl?
1215
00:55:30,787 --> 00:55:31,996
Get me the girl.
1216
00:55:32,831 --> 00:55:36,668
"Get" is a strong word.
'Cause this is my sister we're talking about.
1217
00:55:36,918 --> 00:55:38,127
You don't understand!
1218
00:55:38,211 --> 00:55:40,255
- Well, I want to understand.
- You don't understand!
1219
00:55:40,505 --> 00:55:42,841
Go ahead, go ahead.
Tell me what I need to know.
1220
00:55:42,924 --> 00:55:44,592
- Your sister and I...
- Yeah?
1221
00:55:44,676 --> 00:55:46,761
We grew up on the same streets.
1222
00:55:47,220 --> 00:55:48,513
We breathed the same Bronx air.
1223
00:55:48,596 --> 00:55:53,101
- Yes, yes, yes.
- When I look at her, I see me.
1224
00:55:53,935 --> 00:55:55,728
When I look at her, I see me, too. Just...
1225
00:55:55,812 --> 00:55:57,021
I know what you mean.
1226
00:55:57,105 --> 00:55:59,107
I see what I was.
1227
00:56:02,402 --> 00:56:04,737
I'm lost, Popcorn.
1228
00:56:05,738 --> 00:56:06,781
I am.
1229
00:56:06,948 --> 00:56:09,117
I go visit my kids,
1230
00:56:09,742 --> 00:56:11,411
I can't find them.
1231
00:56:12,036 --> 00:56:13,955
I end up talking to lemon trees.
1232
00:56:14,831 --> 00:56:16,791
You know what? I'm lost now. What does...
1233
00:56:16,916 --> 00:56:17,959
- Jill...
- Yes?
1234
00:56:18,042 --> 00:56:19,085
Is going to get me there.
1235
00:56:19,168 --> 00:56:21,004
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1236
00:56:21,296 --> 00:56:22,672
I just want a shot.
1237
00:56:22,755 --> 00:56:24,507
- You understand?
- Let's get you a shot.
1238
00:56:24,591 --> 00:56:26,134
- Right.
- Only way to get you a shot
1239
00:56:26,217 --> 00:56:30,179
is to have my sister stay
even longer out here,
1240
00:56:30,263 --> 00:56:32,765
which is amazing news for me.
1241
00:56:33,933 --> 00:56:36,519
It's so warm to be the holiday season.
1242
00:56:36,603 --> 00:56:40,106
But thank you.
I really had an amazing time.
1243
00:56:40,315 --> 00:56:41,733
Too bad you're taking off tonight.
1244
00:56:42,233 --> 00:56:44,402
L... Well, I have to. He's abusive to me.
1245
00:56:44,485 --> 00:56:47,030
Not physically,
'cause I would hurt him, but mentally.
1246
00:56:47,113 --> 00:56:49,407
- And, it's time to go.
- I know.
1247
00:56:49,782 --> 00:56:51,784
Maybe next time you're...
1248
00:56:54,245 --> 00:56:57,165
Maybe next time you're here, if you ever...
1249
00:56:58,124 --> 00:57:00,335
Yes? That's... What? If I ever what?
1250
00:57:00,627 --> 00:57:03,671
Well, maybe next time you're here, if...
1251
00:57:04,672 --> 00:57:07,550
Your engine... Your engine seems to be...
1252
00:57:07,634 --> 00:57:10,178
- It's a diesel truck, I'm guessing, right?
- No.
1253
00:57:10,678 --> 00:57:12,639
If you ever want to see a movie
or something...
1254
00:57:12,722 --> 00:57:15,808
Oh, my God. Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, just hold the thought.
1255
00:57:15,892 --> 00:57:17,602
I have... I have to go!
1256
00:57:17,685 --> 00:57:19,228
- I have to really go!
- What did I say?
1257
00:57:19,312 --> 00:57:23,024
No, it's not you, it's the chimichangas!
1258
00:57:23,107 --> 00:57:25,193
They're making a run for the border!
1259
00:57:25,318 --> 00:57:28,571
You're throwing chimichanga bombs?
1260
00:57:29,197 --> 00:57:30,865
Oh! Oh, God!
1261
00:57:31,366 --> 00:57:33,242
Jill, where were you?
1262
00:57:34,953 --> 00:57:36,704
She's not talking to us still, I guess.
1263
00:57:36,788 --> 00:57:40,166
I am not talking to you!
Lam talking to Erin!
1264
00:57:40,249 --> 00:57:42,919
Erin, I got to go make
some chocolate squirties!
1265
00:57:43,002 --> 00:57:44,212
Oh, God!
1266
00:57:44,295 --> 00:57:47,882
Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!
Please get there. Yes.
1267
00:57:49,300 --> 00:57:51,469
Hey, Jill, can I talk to you for a second?
1268
00:57:51,552 --> 00:57:55,098
No! My bags are packed
and there's nothing left to...
1269
00:57:56,307 --> 00:57:57,433
say.
1270
00:57:58,393 --> 00:58:02,063
I spent the day at Felipe's picnic,
where I finally felt welcome.
1271
00:58:03,147 --> 00:58:04,774
BY everybody.
1272
00:58:04,857 --> 00:58:07,902
I tried this new food for
the very first time.
1273
00:58:12,073 --> 00:58:13,825
I'm guessing Mexican?
1274
00:58:13,908 --> 00:58:17,662
Yes, Mexican, Mr. Food Detective!
1275
00:58:17,745 --> 00:58:19,747
And Felipe treated me like a...
1276
00:58:21,749 --> 00:58:24,919
What, is Evel Knievel
doing wheelies in there?
1277
00:58:26,754 --> 00:58:30,341
Hey, so I just wanted to talk to you
about last night and everything, and...
1278
00:58:31,592 --> 00:58:32,719
Oh, my God.
1279
00:58:33,553 --> 00:58:35,430
Wow, I...
1280
00:58:40,184 --> 00:58:41,894
I was thinking about last night
1281
00:58:41,978 --> 00:58:43,896
and all that stuff you were saying, and...
1282
00:58:45,189 --> 00:58:46,232
Are you hot or something?
1283
00:58:46,399 --> 00:58:48,234
I just have to...
1284
00:58:48,609 --> 00:58:50,486
God Almighty!
1285
00:58:50,903 --> 00:58:53,489
I would love for you to
stay a few extra days.
1286
00:58:53,573 --> 00:58:54,699
No, I'm going home.
1287
00:58:54,782 --> 00:58:57,160
I already told them
to turn my electricity back on.
1288
00:58:57,577 --> 00:58:59,912
You can't be alone on...
1289
00:58:59,996 --> 00:59:01,414
You can't be alone on New Year's.
1290
00:59:01,497 --> 00:59:03,207
Come on, that's just not right.
1291
00:59:03,291 --> 00:59:04,876
You want me to stay that long?
1292
00:59:04,959 --> 00:59:06,961
I thought you were going
on your big cruise.
1293
00:59:08,171 --> 00:59:12,008
Jill, I want you to come
1294
00:59:14,469 --> 00:59:16,095
on the cruise with us.
1295
00:59:16,721 --> 00:59:19,474
Pagogo, I can't believe it.
Of course I'll come with you.
1296
00:59:19,807 --> 00:59:23,019
Thank you!
Yes! I mean, of... You want... Yes!
1297
00:59:23,227 --> 00:59:25,855
Yes! Oh, my G()d!
1298
00:59:25,938 --> 00:59:29,025
Poopsie, Poopsie,
we're cruising through Europe!
1299
00:59:35,865 --> 00:59:37,992
Welcome to Royal Caribbean International.
1300
00:59:46,292 --> 00:59:49,796
Poopsie, we're not in the Bronx any more.
1301
00:59:50,004 --> 00:59:52,173
This boat has everything! Oh, my God!
1302
00:59:52,256 --> 00:59:54,050
- Hello?
- What took you so long to pick up?
1303
00:59:54,133 --> 00:59:56,219
Jack, Pacino's called here three times.
1304
00:59:56,344 --> 00:59:58,513
What do you want me to
tell the Dunkin' Donuts people, all right?
1305
00:59:58,596 --> 01:00:00,807
We got five days, Jack,
to get Scarface or they move on.
1306
01:00:00,890 --> 01:00:02,266
I know, I know.
1307
01:00:02,350 --> 01:00:05,228
Oh, my God! There's a pool on a boat?
1308
01:00:05,520 --> 01:00:07,188
Do you want me
to get Al Pacino on the phone now?
1309
01:00:07,522 --> 01:00:10,274
Tell Pacino I'll call him
tonight at 5:30, okay?
1310
01:00:10,358 --> 01:00:12,026
- And just one more thing.
- Yeah, what?
1311
01:00:12,485 --> 01:00:14,695
God told me your feet were on my desk,
so get them off!
1312
01:00:22,787 --> 01:00:24,622
All you can eat.
1313
01:00:24,705 --> 01:00:26,415
Go for it, Poopsie.
1314
01:00:26,499 --> 01:00:27,792
Have a chocolate bath.
1315
01:00:27,875 --> 01:00:29,168
Where were you?
1316
01:00:29,377 --> 01:00:30,795
All right, it's 5:30.
1317
01:00:30,878 --> 01:00:32,630
- I got to make a call.
- To who?
1318
01:00:32,713 --> 01:00:37,885
I got one last business call to make and
then that's it for me. I love you. Be back.
1319
01:00:41,055 --> 01:00:44,433
Amongst this princely heap, if any here,
1320
01:00:44,517 --> 01:00:46,060
by false intelligence...
1321
01:00:49,272 --> 01:00:50,523
Hold me a foe
1322
01:00:50,815 --> 01:00:52,567
if I unwittingly
1323
01:00:54,569 --> 01:00:58,656
or in my rage,
committed aught that is hardly borne
1324
01:00:58,739 --> 01:01:02,743
by any in this princely presence,
I do reconcile
1325
01:01:04,287 --> 01:01:06,414
myself to his friendly peace.
1326
01:01:08,541 --> 01:01:10,793
'Tis death to me to be at enmity,
1327
01:01:11,043 --> 01:01:13,796
and desire all good men's love.
1328
01:01:13,880 --> 01:01:15,256
Where were you, Popcorn?
1329
01:01:15,464 --> 01:01:16,883
What do you mean? It's 5:30.
1330
01:01:16,966 --> 01:01:20,678
No, no, it's 9:30 my time.
I was waiting for you at 5:30.
1331
01:01:20,887 --> 01:01:22,513
It's four hours the other way.
1332
01:01:22,597 --> 01:01:24,348
I just... I got confused. I...
1333
01:01:24,599 --> 01:01:26,017
Okay, whatever, whatever, whatever.
1334
01:01:26,100 --> 01:01:27,518
What's going on? How's she doing?
1335
01:01:27,894 --> 01:01:30,396
We're... We're... We're coming along.
That's how we're doing.
1336
01:01:30,646 --> 01:01:32,148
Coming along?
What does that mean, "coming along"?
1337
01:01:32,231 --> 01:01:35,067
- What does that mean?
- Come on, wrap it up!
1338
01:01:35,318 --> 01:01:38,237
It means we're getting there.
We just need a little more time.
1339
01:01:38,571 --> 01:01:40,698
Put her on the phone.
I want to hear her voice.
1340
01:01:40,823 --> 01:01:42,033
She's not here right now.
1341
01:01:42,116 --> 01:01:44,702
This reminds me of that boat movie
with Leonardo.
1342
01:01:44,994 --> 01:01:47,496
- Titanic?
- No, the one with the iceberg.
1343
01:01:47,580 --> 01:01:49,916
- Who is that?
- That was Poopsie.
1344
01:01:50,124 --> 01:01:51,459
Why won't you let me talk...
1345
01:01:51,542 --> 01:01:53,669
Hey, can you...
You got to be quiet. I can't hear him!
1346
01:01:53,753 --> 01:01:55,713
All right? Please. Please!
1347
01:01:55,796 --> 01:01:57,965
Yeah, listen, you get me this girl,
1348
01:01:58,299 --> 01:02:01,135
or you don't get that
Dunkaccino commercial, you understand?
1349
01:02:01,594 --> 01:02:03,012
Don't you know me?
1350
01:02:03,721 --> 01:02:05,932
Don't you know I would use all my power,
1351
01:02:06,015 --> 01:02:07,266
all the power I have,
1352
01:02:07,350 --> 01:02:09,310
to keep a commercial like that
from happening?
1353
01:02:09,602 --> 01:02:10,728
Don't you know that?
1354
01:02:10,978 --> 01:02:13,231
Is he seriously breaking out The Godfather?
1355
01:02:13,981 --> 01:02:15,483
I swear to God, I'm going to cry.
1356
01:02:15,650 --> 01:02:16,984
Put her on!
1357
01:02:17,526 --> 01:02:19,195
Put her on!
1358
01:02:19,779 --> 01:02:20,821
Pacino!
1359
01:02:20,905 --> 01:02:24,367
Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
Hang on for a second. I'll put her on.
1360
01:02:26,035 --> 01:02:27,078
Hello?
1361
01:02:27,495 --> 01:02:30,456
Jill, my darling, just to hear your voice.
1362
01:02:30,790 --> 01:02:33,209
What are they doing?
Why are they trying to keep us apart?
1363
01:02:33,501 --> 01:02:35,253
Nobody's keeping me apart from anybody.
1364
01:02:35,336 --> 01:02:36,963
I'm my own person. You remember that.
1365
01:02:37,046 --> 01:02:38,506
I know you're your own person.
1366
01:02:38,839 --> 01:02:40,091
Nobody's like you.
1367
01:02:42,176 --> 01:02:44,720
Would you like a little privacy?
I could finish up for you.
1368
01:02:44,804 --> 01:02:45,805
No, no, it's okay. It's okay.
1369
01:02:45,888 --> 01:02:47,390
Nobody wants to see you.
1370
01:02:47,848 --> 01:02:49,517
But thanks, anyway.
1371
01:02:49,600 --> 01:02:50,726
Jill,
1372
01:02:51,310 --> 01:02:53,187
can you meet me when you dock in Spain?
1373
01:02:53,396 --> 01:02:55,523
But what about your Shakespeare show?
1374
01:02:55,606 --> 01:02:56,816
Don't you have that to do?
1375
01:02:57,066 --> 01:02:58,359
You kidding? This is L.A.
1376
01:02:58,442 --> 01:03:00,194
They got Bruce Jenner playing Lord Rivers.
1377
01:03:02,405 --> 01:03:04,031
Yeah, I don't think so.
1378
01:03:04,282 --> 01:03:05,658
Darling, put your brother on.
1379
01:03:05,741 --> 01:03:07,034
Okay. Here he is.
1380
01:03:07,493 --> 01:03:08,577
Hello. Jack's back.
1381
01:03:08,828 --> 01:03:11,706
Popcorn, we did it! We did it!
1382
01:03:12,039 --> 01:03:13,416
I'm coming, I'm coming to get her!
1383
01:03:13,708 --> 01:03:16,085
You're coming to get her?
She just said, "I don't think so," I thought
1384
01:03:16,502 --> 01:03:18,421
I can smell horny across an ocean.
1385
01:03:19,547 --> 01:03:21,173
Here's how it's going to go down.
1386
01:03:21,257 --> 01:03:24,719
9:00 p.m. tomorrow, top deck, portside.
1387
01:03:24,927 --> 01:03:26,137
I'll be there.
1388
01:03:28,389 --> 01:03:29,765
Audience, could you tell me where I was?
1389
01:03:29,849 --> 01:03:30,975
But he, poor soul
1390
01:03:31,058 --> 01:03:33,644
But he, poor soul
1391
01:03:33,728 --> 01:03:35,980
by your first order died.
1392
01:03:36,314 --> 01:03:38,232
Good afternoon, passengers.
1393
01:03:38,316 --> 01:03:40,943
Hope you all are enjoying
our Royal Caribbean activities.
1394
01:03:41,027 --> 01:03:42,778
And for those of you
going ashore later,
1395
01:03:42,862 --> 01:03:45,573
we will be arriving
in beautiful Majorca by sunset.
1396
01:03:45,740 --> 01:03:47,742
Come on, sweetie. Go!
1397
01:03:47,825 --> 01:03:49,410
Jump! Jump!
1398
01:03:49,744 --> 01:03:51,996
No, no, she's good.
1399
01:03:52,079 --> 01:03:53,998
Pagogo, why don't these guys know
how to jump rope?
1400
01:03:54,081 --> 01:03:55,166
Why didn't you teach them?
1401
01:03:55,249 --> 01:03:57,418
We were the double dutch kings
in our neighborhood,
1402
01:03:57,501 --> 01:03:59,253
and these guys can't do a single wing-ding.
1403
01:03:59,462 --> 01:04:00,755
Daddy, you know how to jump rope?
1404
01:04:01,172 --> 01:04:02,423
No, I don't know how to jump rope.
1405
01:04:02,631 --> 01:04:05,676
Your father likes to pretend
his life started in California.
1406
01:04:05,760 --> 01:04:07,720
We were champs.
Everyone loved us in the neighborhood.
1407
01:04:07,803 --> 01:04:09,096
Come on, Daddy, please.
1408
01:04:09,430 --> 01:04:10,598
- No. No, no.
- Bring it over here!
1409
01:04:10,765 --> 01:04:12,475
CiCi, Rodney, kick it!
1410
01:04:12,892 --> 01:04:14,935
- Get up here. Get up here.
- I...
1411
01:04:15,269 --> 01:04:17,229
Do it, do it. Yes!
1412
01:04:18,064 --> 01:04:20,191
Let's go! Come on!
1413
01:04:20,274 --> 01:04:22,026
Here's the twin power. Bring it!
1414
01:04:22,109 --> 01:04:23,569
Oh, my God. Okay.
1415
01:04:27,948 --> 01:04:29,033
Wow!
1416
01:04:29,116 --> 01:04:30,326
Do "The Mummy."
1417
01:04:33,454 --> 01:04:34,789
Come on, turn up the heat.
1418
01:04:38,084 --> 01:04:39,168
Oh, my God.
1419
01:04:47,635 --> 01:04:49,053
That was all your father.
1420
01:04:49,136 --> 01:04:51,555
That was you! You were great, Pokee.
1421
01:04:51,722 --> 01:04:52,723
Now she's Pokee?
1422
01:04:52,807 --> 01:04:53,933
She's always been Pokee.
1423
01:04:54,058 --> 01:04:56,894
I was thinking, tonight, portside,
1424
01:04:56,977 --> 01:04:59,897
you could go on that deck,
check out the stars,
1425
01:04:59,980 --> 01:05:01,857
put on something gorgeous,
'cause there might be
1426
01:05:01,941 --> 01:05:03,692
a handsome surprise waiting for you.
1427
01:05:03,776 --> 01:05:06,237
Really?
You going to introduce me to my Mr. Right?
1428
01:05:06,695 --> 01:05:08,322
Maybe.
1429
01:05:08,572 --> 01:05:10,074
Oh, really?
1430
01:05:10,157 --> 01:05:12,368
It's not Al Pacino, is it?
1431
01:05:13,369 --> 01:05:14,912
Why, is it Al Pacino?
1432
01:05:14,995 --> 01:05:16,330
No, no, it's not.
1433
01:05:16,539 --> 01:05:18,082
'Cause that would just
hurt me at this point.
1434
01:05:18,207 --> 01:05:19,458
But it's not, so...
1435
01:05:19,750 --> 01:05:22,586
Treating me like some sort
of prosti-twin, that's bad.
1436
01:05:22,837 --> 01:05:25,423
It's not. It's not. It's not.
It's not, all right?
1437
01:05:25,756 --> 01:05:27,341
All right!
Then why are you getting so angry?
1438
01:05:27,425 --> 01:05:28,884
Why are you so annoying?
1439
01:05:28,968 --> 01:05:29,969
- What?
- Jack!
1440
01:05:30,052 --> 01:05:32,346
Why would you say that?
We were just having fun!
1441
01:05:32,430 --> 01:05:34,932
We never have fun when you're around!
I'm sorry!
1442
01:05:35,015 --> 01:05:37,393
- No, no! You... This is you, man!
- Go, go!
1443
01:05:37,476 --> 01:05:38,769
This is on you! You're out of your mind!
1444
01:05:38,853 --> 01:05:40,438
- You're out of your mind!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!
1445
01:05:45,359 --> 01:05:47,319
Let's see. Pit stain.
1446
01:05:48,946 --> 01:05:50,072
Pit stain.
1447
01:05:51,991 --> 01:05:53,284
I don't know what that is.
1448
01:05:54,285 --> 01:05:55,703
Okay, clean.
1449
01:06:01,876 --> 01:06:04,628
You tell anybody,
I will fry you up and eat you.
1450
01:06:05,963 --> 01:06:06,964
Yeah.
1451
01:07:21,455 --> 01:07:25,167
All right, where is he, man?
He said portside, I'm portside.
1452
01:07:25,251 --> 01:07:27,253
Where am I supposed to be?
1453
01:07:28,754 --> 01:07:30,673
Cheesecake!
1454
01:07:32,466 --> 01:07:34,134
Holy crap!
1455
01:07:34,468 --> 01:07:37,137
Just climb on the ladder, there!
1456
01:07:37,763 --> 01:07:40,391
Don't you think maybe
you should land that thing?
1457
01:07:40,474 --> 01:07:42,184
That would be easier for me!
1458
01:07:42,601 --> 01:07:44,895
It's safer to hover!
1459
01:07:45,145 --> 01:07:46,480
Wow!
1460
01:07:47,982 --> 01:07:49,942
Yeah! Whoa!
1461
01:07:50,317 --> 01:07:52,403
Xavier, look at her go!
1462
01:08:01,161 --> 01:08:02,788
I am back!
1463
01:08:02,871 --> 01:08:04,623
Señorita, I was gone too long?
1464
01:08:04,999 --> 01:08:08,335
No, not at all.
It's really good to see you again.
1465
01:08:08,419 --> 01:08:11,505
So, what is different about
you tonight? I don't know.
1466
01:08:12,131 --> 01:08:13,716
- Nothing.
- No, no, no, no.
1467
01:08:13,799 --> 01:08:15,718
There's something...
Did you drop some weight?
1468
01:08:16,135 --> 01:08:17,636
- Maybe that's it. Yeah, I'm looking thinner.
- Yeah,
1469
01:08:17,720 --> 01:08:19,138
- I think so.
- That's probably what you're seeing.
1470
01:08:19,221 --> 01:08:21,432
I think you're more feminine or something.
1471
01:08:21,515 --> 01:08:23,517
A little more... Less muscular.
1472
01:08:24,184 --> 01:08:26,604
I don't agree, but okay.
1473
01:08:28,272 --> 01:08:29,898
Gloobledy globble bibbly blop.
1474
01:08:30,482 --> 01:08:32,568
Blobbledobble... gibbledy blip.
1475
01:08:32,651 --> 01:08:34,820
Hibbledy globb, shoelace
1476
01:08:38,324 --> 01:08:40,951
This is the heavy, hard stuff
or how are we doing here?
1477
01:08:41,035 --> 01:08:42,202
What is this?
1478
01:08:42,536 --> 01:08:45,164
One for the lady. Qué lindo!
1479
01:08:45,247 --> 01:08:46,457
That's enough for me.
1480
01:08:46,540 --> 01:08:47,583
Who's Poopsie?
1481
01:08:47,666 --> 01:08:49,335
I keep hearing, "Poopsie, Poopsie."
1482
01:08:49,752 --> 01:08:51,253
Poopsie is my bird.
1483
01:08:52,921 --> 01:08:54,214
I used to raise pigeons.
1484
01:08:54,548 --> 01:08:55,841
- Really?
- Yeah.
1485
01:08:56,050 --> 01:08:57,676
No, I'm sorry. That was Brando.
1486
01:09:01,680 --> 01:09:03,557
- Are you ticklish?
- No.
1487
01:09:04,058 --> 01:09:05,559
I said I'm not, so...
1488
01:09:05,643 --> 01:09:06,852
No, no, it's just that
1489
01:09:07,061 --> 01:09:10,230
Stella Adler, the great acting teacher,
once wrote in a book,
1490
01:09:10,564 --> 01:09:14,485
the only way you can
really get to know somebody is if you,
1491
01:09:14,568 --> 01:09:17,154
watch their behavior
when they're being tickled.
1492
01:09:17,237 --> 01:09:18,405
Would you do me the honor
1493
01:09:18,530 --> 01:09:20,532
and just lift up those girlie arms?
1494
01:09:20,866 --> 01:09:24,286
I just haven't shaved under there
in many, many years.
1495
01:09:24,411 --> 01:09:27,164
- You don't want to see that.
- We're in Europe. It doesn't matter.
1496
01:09:27,247 --> 01:09:29,500
I think even here,
they might be, like, "What is that?"
1497
01:09:29,583 --> 01:09:32,628
No, no, not here. Give me a try.
1498
01:09:32,753 --> 01:09:33,921
Okay, so, here we go.
1499
01:09:34,588 --> 01:09:35,798
Oh, my God.
1500
01:09:35,881 --> 01:09:37,091
Look at us.
1501
01:09:44,765 --> 01:09:46,767
- All right! Stop it!
- What?
1502
01:09:50,145 --> 01:09:51,313
What was that?
1503
01:09:51,855 --> 01:09:54,650
Just... I don't really...
I didn't like that.
1504
01:09:54,733 --> 01:09:56,026
- I'm sorry.
- That was powerful.
1505
01:09:56,110 --> 01:09:58,278
And it just came out of you like, "Boom!"
1506
01:10:02,241 --> 01:10:04,159
You know, what? We're better with just...
1507
01:10:04,243 --> 01:10:06,161
VVhoa.VVhoa!
1508
01:10:07,454 --> 01:10:09,248
I don't even know where Jack is right now.
1509
01:10:09,331 --> 01:10:12,251
He's avoiding me. That's where he is.
1510
01:10:12,459 --> 01:10:13,627
Can I work in with you guys?
1511
01:10:14,378 --> 01:10:15,796
- Sure.
- Knock yourself out.
1512
01:10:16,296 --> 01:10:18,716
I think he hates 'cause I talk so much.
1513
01:10:18,799 --> 01:10:20,634
It bothers him, you know?
1514
01:10:21,093 --> 01:10:22,428
But when I'm in the Bronx,
1515
01:10:22,511 --> 01:10:24,888
I have no one else to talk to but Poopsie,
1516
01:10:24,972 --> 01:10:28,642
so when I'm around other humans,
I... I tend to blab a lot.
1517
01:10:28,851 --> 01:10:30,894
- No, you don't.
- I do, I do.
1518
01:10:30,978 --> 01:10:33,230
Will you throw a couple more 45s on?
1519
01:10:33,313 --> 01:10:35,107
Erin, he was being so nice to me,
1520
01:10:35,190 --> 01:10:37,025
and then I had to bring
up the Pacino thing,
1521
01:10:37,109 --> 01:10:38,318
because... I don't know.
1522
01:10:38,402 --> 01:10:41,363
I do that. It's just 'cause
I'm insecure, you know?
1523
01:10:41,447 --> 01:10:44,992
I feel like the only reason
he brought me on this cruise
1524
01:10:45,075 --> 01:10:47,494
is for some Pacino-related shenanigans
1525
01:10:47,578 --> 01:10:49,163
and it just gets in my head.
1526
01:10:49,246 --> 01:10:50,956
He told me he wanted you
to come on this cruise
1527
01:10:51,039 --> 01:10:53,125
because he didn't
want you to spend your first New Year's Eve
1528
01:10:53,208 --> 01:10:54,460
without your mom alone.
1529
01:10:55,085 --> 01:10:56,336
He said that?
1530
01:10:56,837 --> 01:10:57,838
Yeah.
1531
01:10:59,590 --> 01:11:01,925
Oh, my God, that means so much to me.
1532
01:11:02,176 --> 01:11:05,304
Why didn't I use
my twin powers to know that?
1533
01:11:05,387 --> 01:11:07,931
Do they not work
when you're out of the country?
1534
01:11:08,182 --> 01:11:09,224
Maybe they don't.
1535
01:11:09,516 --> 01:11:11,310
That's why he was mad!
1536
01:11:11,393 --> 01:11:14,188
'Cause he was being good to me, and I...
I did what I did
1537
01:11:14,271 --> 01:11:16,106
and I'm a jerk, and I have to call him.
1538
01:11:16,273 --> 01:11:18,609
And I'm gonna
straighten the whole family vacation out,
1539
01:11:18,692 --> 01:11:20,360
- I promise. This is so cool!
- Push!
1540
01:11:23,280 --> 01:11:25,199
Push! Push harder!
1541
01:11:25,991 --> 01:11:27,618
I was pushing it!
1542
01:11:31,830 --> 01:11:32,998
- Hey!
- Hey!
1543
01:11:33,081 --> 01:11:36,877
All right! Al Pacino! Al, Al Pacino!
1544
01:11:37,169 --> 01:11:39,505
- Al Pacino!
- Now you got it!
1545
01:11:39,588 --> 01:11:41,840
All right, let's have... Here you go!
1546
01:11:42,174 --> 01:11:43,842
Boom! Yeah!
1547
01:11:43,926 --> 01:11:46,011
- I always come on the short end of that.
- I'm getting a call.
1548
01:11:47,971 --> 01:11:50,098
- Hello.
- Hello?
1549
01:11:50,182 --> 01:11:51,266
Hello?
1550
01:11:51,934 --> 01:11:52,976
I don't understand.
1551
01:11:53,060 --> 01:11:54,937
Are you mocking my voice right now?
1552
01:11:55,062 --> 01:11:56,313
No, no, no, I'm not.
1553
01:11:56,396 --> 01:11:57,981
I... I can't talk right now.
1554
01:11:58,357 --> 01:12:00,901
Okay, don't talk, then. Just listen.
1555
01:12:01,276 --> 01:12:04,363
I just want to tell you I'm sorry.
1556
01:12:04,446 --> 01:12:07,491
I'm... I'm the reason
we're fighting right now.
1557
01:12:07,574 --> 01:12:09,660
And... And I never thank you enough
1558
01:12:09,743 --> 01:12:12,412
for doing all you do for me, so thank you.
1559
01:12:12,621 --> 01:12:13,747
- Who is that, your brother?
- Yeah.
1560
01:12:14,414 --> 01:12:15,499
Who is that, Jack?
1561
01:12:15,666 --> 01:12:17,376
That's... It's... It's nobody!
1562
01:12:17,459 --> 01:12:21,338
Hey, Popcorn, we're having fun here!
1563
01:12:22,130 --> 01:12:23,674
Are you with Al Pacino?
1564
01:12:23,799 --> 01:12:26,051
No, no, I'm not! I just...
1565
01:12:26,134 --> 01:12:28,011
I said I can't talk right now, weirdo!
1566
01:12:28,637 --> 01:12:31,265
Please tell me you're not doing
what I think you're doing.
1567
01:12:31,682 --> 01:12:34,268
I said I can't talk, so I'm hanging up!
1568
01:12:34,351 --> 01:12:37,646
Jack, speak in your regular voice
or I'll know the real reason
1569
01:12:37,729 --> 01:12:39,439
why you brought me on this cruise.
1570
01:12:39,773 --> 01:12:42,276
I can't always do what you want
when you want it! Bye!
1571
01:13:17,728 --> 01:13:19,563
I mean, come on!
1572
01:13:21,148 --> 01:13:23,025
Hey, what's Popcorn's problem?
1573
01:13:23,358 --> 01:13:26,111
Mayor Mc: Cheesy doesn't
like his new script?
1574
01:13:26,236 --> 01:13:28,447
Get over yourself.
1575
01:13:28,530 --> 01:13:30,824
My brother's very good at what he does.
1576
01:13:30,991 --> 01:13:33,327
He's going to write a book
one day, you'll see.
1577
01:13:33,410 --> 01:13:35,704
Yes, he's an author.
I forgot, that's right.
1578
01:13:35,787 --> 01:13:38,707
He's got a whole novel in him
about Desenex foot powder.
1579
01:13:40,167 --> 01:13:41,418
So funny.
1580
01:13:41,501 --> 01:13:42,586
Okay.
1581
01:13:42,711 --> 01:13:43,837
Yes.
1582
01:13:43,962 --> 01:13:47,507
That's the Bronx girl coming back.
1583
01:13:47,674 --> 01:13:51,345
Now, you take back
what you said about Pagogo!
1584
01:13:51,553 --> 01:13:53,180
Go ahead, do it.
1585
01:13:53,347 --> 01:13:54,598
Defend the honor
1586
01:13:54,681 --> 01:13:58,310
of that self-deluded,
sycophantic, bitter hack.
1587
01:14:03,857 --> 01:14:05,776
- Are you okay?
- Get off of me.
1588
01:14:06,151 --> 01:14:07,319
- Okay.
- It's not okay.
1589
01:14:07,527 --> 01:14:08,779
I'm sorry.
1590
01:14:08,862 --> 01:14:09,947
I know... What could I do?
1591
01:14:10,030 --> 01:14:11,531
You know, you had that...
1592
01:14:11,615 --> 01:14:13,158
You had a broken bottle
and were coming at me.
1593
01:14:13,241 --> 01:14:14,451
Yeah, yeah, well, get away from me.
1594
01:14:14,534 --> 01:14:15,911
- All right.
- Just let me breathe for a second.
1595
01:14:15,994 --> 01:14:17,955
- I just...
- I need my own space.
1596
01:14:18,246 --> 01:14:19,498
- Back up.
- Okay, all right, I'm backing up.
1597
01:14:19,581 --> 01:14:20,874
- Back up!
- All right!
1598
01:14:20,958 --> 01:14:22,417
- Oh, geez. Hey...
- You don't hit a girl
1599
01:14:22,501 --> 01:14:24,044
with a chair on the first date!
1600
01:14:24,503 --> 01:14:29,174
It's amazing the way you stick up
for your brother. It's just...
1601
01:14:29,257 --> 01:14:32,302
Well, I got to do that.
Don't I at least owe him that?
1602
01:14:32,386 --> 01:14:35,305
'Cause all I ever do is take things
from him and ruin things and...
1603
01:14:35,389 --> 01:14:36,723
Well, that's his point of view, you know.
1604
01:14:36,807 --> 01:14:39,685
I mean, that's the way
he makes you see yourself.
1605
01:14:40,560 --> 01:14:41,728
You want to know what I see?
1606
01:14:42,020 --> 01:14:43,188
Yes, I want to know what you see.
1607
01:14:43,271 --> 01:14:44,690
You can get any girl in the world,
1608
01:14:44,773 --> 01:14:45,857
and why would you want me?
1609
01:14:45,941 --> 01:14:47,359
Answer that. It makes no sense.
1610
01:14:49,319 --> 01:14:52,531
Well, I see an angel with a broken wing.
1611
01:14:53,073 --> 01:14:57,160
I see a brother who all he got all his life
was everything.
1612
01:14:57,411 --> 01:14:59,788
All the glory, all the accolades,
1613
01:15:00,414 --> 01:15:01,999
everything since they were two.
1614
01:15:02,916 --> 01:15:08,422
I... I see a girl who wants recognition
1615
01:15:09,089 --> 01:15:10,882
but just never gets it,
1616
01:15:10,966 --> 01:15:13,427
yet she has a heart so big,
1617
01:15:14,636 --> 01:15:16,054
she finds happiness
1618
01:15:17,431 --> 01:15:19,141
in seeing her brother receive it all.
1619
01:15:20,767 --> 01:15:23,812
Yeah, yeah, but come on,
aren't I a pain in the butt?
1620
01:15:23,895 --> 01:15:26,565
I mean, don't I annoy everybody?
1621
01:15:27,107 --> 01:15:29,026
You got so much love in you, Jill,
1622
01:15:29,109 --> 01:15:31,445
so much to give.
1623
01:15:31,987 --> 01:15:34,614
You just need someone to give it to.
1624
01:15:38,493 --> 01:15:41,288
To dream
1625
01:15:44,082 --> 01:15:46,293
The impossible dream
1626
01:15:48,628 --> 01:15:50,464
To fight
1627
01:15:51,339 --> 01:15:54,801
The unbeatable foe
1628
01:15:55,427 --> 01:16:01,391
To bear with unbearable sorrow
1629
01:16:01,767 --> 01:16:03,018
Dulcinea.
1630
01:16:03,351 --> 01:16:05,145
Dulci-what-a?
1631
01:16:05,228 --> 01:16:08,774
You are Dulcinea
from the Broadway play they offered me
1632
01:16:09,232 --> 01:16:13,320
and I am the Man of La Mancha.
1633
01:16:14,780 --> 01:16:15,989
You got me there.
1634
01:16:16,239 --> 01:16:18,033
I'm taking the part!
1635
01:16:18,116 --> 01:16:19,451
What about my brother?
1636
01:16:19,534 --> 01:16:21,870
What do I do? What do I say?
1637
01:16:21,995 --> 01:16:23,246
Your brother.
1638
01:16:23,330 --> 01:16:25,749
I don't know
there's much you can do about him.
1639
01:16:25,832 --> 01:16:26,958
I mean, not that he doesn't love you.
1640
01:16:27,042 --> 01:16:30,253
He loves you, I'm sure,
but it's a kind of deathbed love,
1641
01:16:30,545 --> 01:16:33,507
the kind of love
he'll look back on when it's too late.
1642
01:16:33,757 --> 01:16:36,593
- Hey, listen, I'm gonna do Man of La Mancha.
- No, no, no, I got to fix it.
1643
01:16:36,676 --> 01:16:39,429
I got to fix it now, now I got to fix it.
1644
01:16:39,513 --> 01:16:40,555
Hey, where are you going?
1645
01:16:40,639 --> 01:16:41,848
Back to the ship.
1646
01:16:42,015 --> 01:16:44,768
Would you stay if I did
your brother's commercial?
1647
01:16:44,851 --> 01:16:46,394
The heck with that commercial.
1648
01:16:46,478 --> 01:16:48,438
I'm going to see my womb-mate.
1649
01:16:51,358 --> 01:16:54,444
- Come on, come on, pick up the phone.
- You have reached the voice mailbox of...
1650
01:16:54,528 --> 01:16:56,488
What is this? How do you...
1651
01:16:56,571 --> 01:16:58,323
To leave a voice message, press one.
1652
01:16:58,406 --> 01:16:59,658
Oh, God.
1653
01:17:00,867 --> 01:17:01,993
Jill!
1654
01:17:03,203 --> 01:17:05,288
Jill, open up!
1655
01:17:05,372 --> 01:17:06,873
Jack?
1656
01:17:06,957 --> 01:17:08,250
What are you wearing?
1657
01:17:09,626 --> 01:17:11,545
You were with Al Pacino, weren't you?
1658
01:17:12,754 --> 01:17:14,881
Wow, you're good.
1659
01:17:15,215 --> 01:17:16,466
Jill was right.
1660
01:17:16,550 --> 01:17:18,051
You are a weirdo.
1661
01:17:18,176 --> 01:17:19,553
I know I am.
1662
01:17:19,886 --> 01:17:21,304
Where is she? Where's Jill?
1663
01:17:21,721 --> 01:17:24,641
She went home, and now I know why.
1664
01:17:25,767 --> 01:17:27,269
She went home?
1665
01:17:29,187 --> 01:17:31,815
God, what am I going to do?
1666
01:17:55,255 --> 01:17:58,216
Happy New Year!
1667
01:18:15,066 --> 01:18:20,155
Going in alone is fine, Mom,
and I'm not alone. I'm with you.
1668
01:18:32,292 --> 01:18:36,254
Hey, well, guess what, I'm not
wearing underwear. It's New Year's Eve.
1669
01:18:37,756 --> 01:18:39,966
Let's have some fun.
1670
01:18:44,137 --> 01:18:46,973
Yo, you guys. Is that Jill Sadelstein?
1671
01:18:48,225 --> 01:18:51,269
She was absolutely
the biggest loser in our high school.
1672
01:18:51,353 --> 01:18:54,981
I mean, didn't she marry that
bird and move to the jungle?
1673
01:18:55,523 --> 01:18:58,401
OMG, she's here alone tonight.
1674
01:18:58,485 --> 01:19:00,654
The loserness continues.
1675
01:19:03,281 --> 01:19:04,574
Hey, Jill.
1676
01:19:05,367 --> 01:19:07,410
Hey! Happy New Year, guys.
1677
01:19:07,494 --> 01:19:08,995
Where you been hiding, hon?
1678
01:19:09,287 --> 01:19:12,999
I was visiting my brother
for Thanksgiving, and he...
1679
01:19:13,083 --> 01:19:15,794
I just decided to stay out there
with him for a while.
1680
01:19:16,002 --> 01:19:18,213
Yeah, he must have loved that.
1681
01:19:18,964 --> 01:19:22,509
For your information, Carol,
he begged me to stay,
1682
01:19:22,592 --> 01:19:25,387
but I'm just too exhausted
from being on game shows
1683
01:19:25,470 --> 01:19:27,639
and dating movie stars.
1684
01:19:27,722 --> 01:19:30,517
Oh, who'd you hook up
with, Rob Schneider?
1685
01:19:31,351 --> 01:19:32,560
I like him.
1686
01:19:32,769 --> 01:19:34,354
God, you're hot.
1687
01:19:34,938 --> 01:19:36,606
You know, I don't like to kiss and tell,
1688
01:19:36,690 --> 01:19:40,402
but I was with Sir Al Pacino
for a whole night.
1689
01:19:40,777 --> 01:19:44,906
Honey, it must not have worked out
since you're all alone tonight.
1690
01:19:44,990 --> 01:19:46,157
- Yeah.
- Aren't you?
1691
01:19:46,241 --> 01:19:47,951
She's not alone.
1692
01:19:48,285 --> 01:19:49,911
She's with her family.
1693
01:19:50,245 --> 01:19:52,038
- Jack?
- Jill.
1694
01:19:52,289 --> 01:19:53,707
What are you doing here?
1695
01:19:53,790 --> 01:19:55,125
That's Jack.
1696
01:19:55,208 --> 01:19:57,335
I just... I realized
1697
01:19:58,044 --> 01:20:00,588
there's something
that I want to tell you so much.
1698
01:20:00,672 --> 01:20:03,383
I just... I don't know how to say...
1699
01:20:05,010 --> 01:20:06,094
What?
1700
01:20:07,220 --> 01:20:10,640
Ook maga do do, Pokee.
1701
01:20:10,890 --> 01:20:12,017
Oh, my God.
1702
01:20:12,100 --> 01:20:16,396
Ook maga do do blarda, blarda, blarda.
1703
01:20:16,855 --> 01:20:20,734
Mama Pandoree
bon Papa Pandoree long bada-bada.
1704
01:20:21,484 --> 01:20:23,653
Bada-Bada, I know.
1705
01:20:23,903 --> 01:20:25,739
Pagogo Tu lray
1706
01:20:25,822 --> 01:20:27,991
Nah ee Pokee Para mee.
1707
01:20:30,744 --> 01:20:32,579
But most important,
1708
01:20:33,413 --> 01:20:34,581
Bongi
1709
01:20:35,915 --> 01:20:38,168
Bongi que Mahjongee.
1710
01:20:39,210 --> 01:20:41,755
Of course, I love those guys.
1711
01:20:41,838 --> 01:20:45,717
Bongi para rumpernickel pumpernickel.
1712
01:20:46,176 --> 01:20:48,345
That's freaking beautiful.
1713
01:20:48,428 --> 01:20:50,472
It's just... Just beautiful.
1714
01:20:50,764 --> 01:20:52,098
Para Kaya!
1715
01:20:54,100 --> 01:20:55,769
Ook maga do do.
1716
01:20:56,519 --> 01:20:59,689
Coodlee me, coodlee me.
1717
01:21:00,690 --> 01:21:05,362
I'm so happy, so happy.
1718
01:21:05,445 --> 01:21:06,613
Thank you.
1719
01:21:11,785 --> 01:21:13,787
So, what, are you, like, his wife?
1720
01:21:13,870 --> 01:21:15,372
Is that Monica?
1721
01:21:15,455 --> 01:21:17,707
Yeah. Hi, I'm Erin. Nice to meet you.
1722
01:21:18,500 --> 01:21:20,919
Well, I guess he settled for second best.
1723
01:21:21,252 --> 01:21:24,839
Because I dumped
his sorry butt in high school.
1724
01:21:25,757 --> 01:21:27,217
Yes, I did.
1725
01:21:27,467 --> 01:21:28,510
Don't worry, Erin.
1726
01:21:28,593 --> 01:21:30,512
They used to call her "The Cheese Tray"
1727
01:21:30,595 --> 01:21:32,722
'cause she got
passed around at all the parties.
1728
01:21:35,058 --> 01:21:37,811
- Oh, we're getting busy.
- I'm right here.
1729
01:21:38,895 --> 01:21:40,355
What are you doing?
1730
01:21:42,816 --> 01:21:44,109
What did I do?
1731
01:21:44,234 --> 01:21:45,735
Don't you touch my sister-in-law.
1732
01:21:45,860 --> 01:21:47,612
Knock her out, Jill, knock her out!
1733
01:21:48,905 --> 01:21:50,323
Ch, my God! You okay?
1734
01:21:55,495 --> 01:21:56,830
Muleteers!
1735
01:21:58,540 --> 01:22:00,333
Prepare to do battle.
1736
01:22:01,876 --> 01:22:04,421
Oh, my God, is that Colonel Sanders?
1737
01:22:05,130 --> 01:22:07,924
Al, what is this?
Why do you look like that?
1738
01:22:08,007 --> 01:22:09,968
He's doing Man of La Mancha now,
1739
01:22:10,051 --> 01:22:11,594
so he always stays in character.
1740
01:22:12,011 --> 01:22:13,096
Milady.
1741
01:22:13,179 --> 01:22:15,598
Al, I'm so sorry.
1742
01:22:15,682 --> 01:22:18,393
I thought I made it clear,
we're not meant to be.
1743
01:22:18,852 --> 01:22:20,353
Pokee, Klapa!
1744
01:22:23,106 --> 01:22:24,691
It's not you, it's me.
1745
01:22:24,774 --> 01:22:26,568
- Dulcinea.
- Yes?
1746
01:22:27,026 --> 01:22:30,905
Your purity befits a knight
more worthy than I.
1747
01:22:31,656 --> 01:22:34,909
Go to him. He waits for you.
1748
01:22:36,744 --> 01:22:38,288
Pagogo, where's the knight?
1749
01:22:38,371 --> 01:22:40,290
You'll just have to see, Jill, come on.
1750
01:22:40,373 --> 01:22:42,083
There's a knight?
Oh, my God, there's a knight?
1751
01:22:42,167 --> 01:22:44,461
- Yeah, yeah.
- There's a knight! There's a knight!
1752
01:22:45,879 --> 01:22:47,755
It's a foul monster!
1753
01:22:49,007 --> 01:22:50,508
Al, that's a ceiling fan.
1754
01:22:50,592 --> 01:22:55,096
No, it's a whirling, five-arm beast.
1755
01:22:56,222 --> 01:22:58,808
What is this? What?
1756
01:23:03,313 --> 01:23:04,898
- She's going to show up.
- What the...
1757
01:23:05,231 --> 01:23:07,233
Felipe, what is this?
1758
01:23:07,734 --> 01:23:10,153
I don't understand. What is going on here?
1759
01:23:10,403 --> 01:23:13,031
What is happening? What...
1760
01:23:13,156 --> 01:23:15,366
Felipe, how did you do this?
1761
01:23:16,201 --> 01:23:17,911
- What? This is...
- Jill.
1762
01:23:17,994 --> 01:23:19,412
Hi, guys, hi.
1763
01:23:19,496 --> 01:23:21,247
What are you doing here?
1764
01:23:21,831 --> 01:23:23,416
Jill, before you left,
1765
01:23:25,084 --> 01:23:27,337
what I was trying to tell you,
1766
01:23:27,420 --> 01:23:30,256
while you were dropping
chimichanga bombs...
1767
01:23:30,465 --> 01:23:32,592
That was awful, I'm sorry.
1768
01:23:33,426 --> 01:23:35,512
Is that you make me feel like,
1769
01:23:35,595 --> 01:23:38,723
like I just climbed out
of the trunk of my cousin's car
1770
01:23:38,806 --> 01:23:42,894
after driving 1,100 miles
across the border.
1771
01:23:43,895 --> 01:23:44,938
Huh?
1772
01:23:45,271 --> 01:23:46,898
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
1773
01:23:48,274 --> 01:23:49,984
I was going to say,
"He's ruining the mood," but...
1774
01:23:50,068 --> 01:23:51,069
Yeah.
1775
01:23:51,653 --> 01:23:52,946
But not about you.
1776
01:23:54,322 --> 01:23:55,448
What?
1777
01:23:56,032 --> 01:23:59,118
I love you, Jill. I love you.
1778
01:24:00,828 --> 01:24:02,789
- You love me?
- Yeah, I love you.
1779
01:24:02,872 --> 01:24:04,207
Somebody loves me.
1780
01:24:04,582 --> 01:24:06,000
I love you, Jill.
1781
01:24:06,084 --> 01:24:08,753
Will you convert to Judaism for me?
1782
01:24:09,587 --> 01:24:12,340
- What?
- I'm kidding! I'm kidding!
1783
01:24:12,423 --> 01:24:13,883
Oh, Felipe!
1784
01:24:13,967 --> 01:24:15,218
I love you, Jill.
1785
01:24:15,301 --> 01:24:16,970
All right, all right, he said he loved you.
1786
01:24:17,053 --> 01:24:18,972
Don't kill him! Come on!
1787
01:24:19,055 --> 01:24:20,223
I love you.
1788
01:24:20,640 --> 01:24:22,308
What are you doing?
1789
01:24:23,309 --> 01:24:25,061
Jack, jump in here and lay with me.
1790
01:24:25,144 --> 01:24:27,397
- Lay with me.
- Oh, just lay with Felipe.
1791
01:24:27,480 --> 01:24:28,773
Can't you do that?
1792
01:24:29,065 --> 01:24:31,317
Something's brewing at D'in' D.
1793
01:24:33,319 --> 01:24:34,320
Wow!
1794
01:24:34,404 --> 01:24:35,530
Al Pacino!
1795
01:24:35,613 --> 01:24:38,157
It's not Al any more, it's Dunk.
1796
01:24:38,575 --> 01:24:39,951
Dunk Accino?
1797
01:24:40,034 --> 01:24:41,578
Don't mind if I do.
1798
01:24:41,661 --> 01:24:44,080
- What's my name?
- Dunkaccino
1799
01:24:44,163 --> 01:24:46,666
- It's a whole new game
- Dunkaccino
1800
01:24:46,749 --> 01:24:49,043
You want creamy goodness
I'm your friend
1801
01:24:49,127 --> 01:24:51,212
Say hello to my chocolate blend
1802
01:24:51,546 --> 01:24:53,590
Attica, hoo-wah, latte lite
1803
01:24:53,965 --> 01:24:55,925
This whole trial is out of sight
1804
01:24:56,217 --> 01:24:58,428
They pulled me back in
with hazelnut, too
1805
01:24:58,761 --> 01:25:00,805
Caramel swirl...
I know it was you
1806
01:25:01,139 --> 01:25:03,474
Everyone wants my Dunkaccino
1807
01:25:03,558 --> 01:25:05,685
Can't get enough of my Dunkaccino
1808
01:25:05,977 --> 01:25:08,271
Kids from seven to seventeen-0
1809
01:25:08,354 --> 01:25:10,607
Lining up for my Dunkaccino
1810
01:25:10,690 --> 01:25:12,942
- What's my name?
- Dunkaccino
1811
01:25:13,026 --> 01:25:15,403
A-Dunka-Dunka
Dunka-Dunka-Dunkaccino
1812
01:25:18,698 --> 01:25:21,159
And, boom, there you have it.
It's actually 32 seconds,
1813
01:25:21,242 --> 01:25:22,327
so I got to lose two seconds.
1814
01:25:22,410 --> 01:25:24,120
Maybe you can tell me what,
what part you would lose,
1815
01:25:24,203 --> 01:25:26,539
but I think we are getting there.
1816
01:25:27,874 --> 01:25:29,042
Burn this.
1817
01:25:30,335 --> 01:25:31,544
I'm sorry?
1818
01:25:32,837 --> 01:25:36,924
This must never be seen by anyone.
1819
01:25:37,300 --> 01:25:39,927
If you didn't like all those close-ups,
we can...
1820
01:25:40,011 --> 01:25:42,263
This is not the final cut.
There's no doubt, we can...
1821
01:25:42,347 --> 01:25:43,723
All copies.
1822
01:25:45,850 --> 01:25:47,018
Destroy them.
1823
01:25:47,101 --> 01:25:48,686
- You want me to play it again?
- Has anybody seen this?
1824
01:25:48,770 --> 01:25:50,146
Nobody has seen this.
1825
01:25:50,229 --> 01:25:52,190
They have to be found and talked to.
1826
01:25:52,273 --> 01:25:54,776
All right, to be honest, I showed my wife.
1827
01:25:54,859 --> 01:25:57,737
- She couldn't believe...
- No good, no good.
1828
01:25:58,655 --> 01:26:00,782
So I used to be fatter,
and so what he would do...
1829
01:26:00,865 --> 01:26:02,617
Picture him way bigger, like...
1830
01:26:02,700 --> 01:26:04,994
So what would happen is
we'd get together on Thanksgiving.
1831
01:26:05,078 --> 01:26:06,537
He'd kind of gather the family around,
1832
01:26:06,621 --> 01:26:08,915
and so I would have to go,
1833
01:26:09,457 --> 01:26:11,793
"This is me before Ultra Slim Fast."
1834
01:26:11,876 --> 01:26:13,544
"And this is me now!"
1835
01:26:13,628 --> 01:26:15,963
And everybody would laugh at him
and he'd go cry in the other room.
1836
01:26:16,339 --> 01:26:18,508
I'm Larry, this is my brother Dave.
1837
01:26:18,591 --> 01:26:21,761
We used to be triplets,
but he ate the other one.
1838
01:26:22,720 --> 01:26:24,138
Let me tell you, I don't
really like getting
1839
01:26:24,222 --> 01:26:25,682
into fights with him because I really...
1840
01:26:25,765 --> 01:26:28,601
I don't like closing my fist on him,
so when we get into fights,
1841
01:26:28,685 --> 01:26:30,186
we look like sissies
when we fight each other.
1842
01:26:30,269 --> 01:26:32,063
You know, 'cause I don't really like...
1843
01:26:32,146 --> 01:26:34,982
It's kind of that...
The schoolyard fight when you see two girls.
1844
01:26:42,907 --> 01:26:44,200
She's my baby girl, she knows that.
1845
01:26:44,283 --> 01:26:45,868
We're like a husband-and-wife relationship.
1846
01:26:45,952 --> 01:26:47,537
- We fight and then we come together.
- That's sick, okay?
1847
01:26:47,620 --> 01:26:49,080
- I mean, not in a sick way.
- You shouldn't say that
1848
01:26:49,163 --> 01:26:50,790
- like that, that's sick.
- Not in a sick way.
1849
01:26:51,290 --> 01:26:52,917
I don't like my brother.
1850
01:26:53,000 --> 01:26:55,753
I have a deep, intense
dislike for my brother.
1851
01:26:55,837 --> 01:26:57,004
He's a bad guy.
1852
01:26:57,296 --> 01:26:58,506
I know what the problem is.
1853
01:26:58,589 --> 01:27:01,050
He didn't say anything about it, did he?
1854
01:27:01,134 --> 01:27:04,804
He don't like the mustache
'cause he can't grow one.
1855
01:27:05,304 --> 01:27:08,057
Well, usually, when we celebrate a
birthday, usually it's more than one cake.
1856
01:27:08,141 --> 01:27:09,100
- It's four cakes.
- It's usually four.
1857
01:27:09,183 --> 01:27:10,393
- Yeah.
- It's usually four cakes.
1858
01:27:10,476 --> 01:27:12,687
There's right hand,
left hand, right hand, left hand.
1859
01:27:12,770 --> 01:27:15,356
Or one for me and one for him
and two for his girlfriend.
1860
01:27:15,440 --> 01:27:16,482
Yeah, yeah.
1861
01:27:16,649 --> 01:27:17,692
She was actually living in L.A.
1862
01:27:17,775 --> 01:27:20,069
And I was in Kentucky
doing the race at that moment.
1863
01:27:20,153 --> 01:27:21,404
- I was tired.
- Yeah.
1864
01:27:21,487 --> 01:27:22,572
'Cause I did not train properly.
1865
01:27:22,655 --> 01:27:23,865
And I started feeling, like, these pains
1866
01:27:23,948 --> 01:27:25,742
or something like that,
and it was, like, weird, so...
1867
01:27:25,825 --> 01:27:27,243
- So, yeah.
- I mean, that's my part of,
1868
01:27:27,326 --> 01:27:29,162
like, ESPN or ESP.
1869
01:27:29,245 --> 01:27:30,371
- Whatever it's called.
- It's ESP.
1870
01:27:30,455 --> 01:27:32,457
- Okay, whatever.
- ESPN is the network for sports.
1871
01:27:37,628 --> 01:27:39,005
You figure it out.
1872
01:27:39,297 --> 01:27:40,923
Well, you know, I'm married, so...
1873
01:27:41,007 --> 01:27:42,091
Yeah, we don't have girl issues.
1874
01:27:42,175 --> 01:27:45,011
Yeah, well, I... Sometimes, though,
I do try to hook him up with someone.
1875
01:27:45,094 --> 01:27:46,179
I mean, if they come up to me
1876
01:27:46,262 --> 01:27:48,598
and they're like, they like me,
I'm like, "Oh, sorry,"
1877
01:27:48,681 --> 01:27:50,933
and then I'm like,
"Hey, look at this guy, though."
1878
01:27:51,017 --> 01:27:54,479
And so, I mean,
he's kind of like the backup twin.
1879
01:27:54,562 --> 01:27:55,855
I don't care, I take it.
1880
01:27:55,938 --> 01:27:58,900
I said, "Look, dude, I don't think I can...
I don't think I can go on this date,"
1881
01:27:58,983 --> 01:28:00,902
"but I can't, can't break the date."
1882
01:28:00,985 --> 01:28:04,530
"'Cause, you know, it's got to happen,
it's got to happen tonight."
1883
01:28:04,614 --> 01:28:06,824
- I said, "Well, Rog, you know..."
- You said... What'd you tell me?
1884
01:28:06,908 --> 01:28:08,618
"How does the girl look?
How does she look?"
1885
01:28:08,701 --> 01:28:10,077
I said, "Dude, she's a 10, she's hot."
1886
01:28:10,161 --> 01:28:11,621
- "She's hot?"
- "She's hot."
1887
01:28:12,205 --> 01:28:13,372
I said, "Well, you know, send me."
1888
01:28:13,456 --> 01:28:16,918
"I'll put her on ice for
the night, you know."
1889
01:28:17,001 --> 01:28:19,253
"Send me out, I'll make sure
everything's good for you,"
1890
01:28:19,337 --> 01:28:21,339
"you know, and you'll be
good to go next week."
1891
01:28:21,422 --> 01:28:22,924
- So I did.
- He went out with the girl.
1892
01:28:23,007 --> 01:28:24,050
It was smooth, right?
1893
01:28:24,133 --> 01:28:26,010
I think she fell in love
with him on the first date.
1894
01:28:26,093 --> 01:28:28,346
What's funny is,
my brother ended up dating this girl
1895
01:28:28,429 --> 01:28:29,847
for, like, four...
What, like three and a half years?
1896
01:28:29,931 --> 01:28:30,973
Yeah, it was like three and a half years.
1897
01:28:31,057 --> 01:28:33,726
She never knew we switched
on the very first date.
1898
01:28:33,810 --> 01:28:35,937
She said, "The best time of
my life was the first date."
1899
01:28:36,020 --> 01:28:38,272
- There you go.
- I was like, "Oh, come on."
1900
01:28:38,564 --> 01:28:40,983
Growing up with long hair, full Afros.
1901
01:28:41,067 --> 01:28:43,986
Oh, yeah, fine, with some platform shoes,
1902
01:28:44,070 --> 01:28:47,073
something you'd remember.
You stole my good pair.
1903
01:28:47,782 --> 01:28:50,576
All right, let's move, let's move.
1904
01:29:16,936 --> 01:29:20,064
The best thing about
being twins is, when I fall,
1905
01:29:20,147 --> 01:29:23,359
when I feel sad,
Elijah just picks me right back up
1906
01:29:23,442 --> 01:29:25,653
and that's just helpful to me.
1907
01:29:26,821 --> 01:29:28,364
- Love my twin.
- Love my twin.
1908
01:29:30,992 --> 01:29:32,368
- Love you, sis.
- Love you.
1909
01:29:34,954 --> 01:29:35,997
I love us.
1910
01:29:40,209 --> 01:29:41,544
You smell.
1911
01:29:42,295 --> 01:29:44,505
- I love this guy.
- I can't imagine life without my brother.
1912
01:29:46,132 --> 01:29:48,342
- But we love each other.
- Yeah, but we love each other, right, okay.
1913
01:29:48,718 --> 01:29:50,303
You're my only friend.
1914
01:29:51,137 --> 01:29:52,763
That's so sad.
1915
01:29:52,847 --> 01:29:54,181
- It was cool, man.
- I love my brother.
1916
01:29:54,265 --> 01:29:55,600
I love you, man.
1917
01:29:55,850 --> 01:29:57,977
No matter how bad he is,
no matter what he does wrong,
1918
01:29:58,060 --> 01:29:59,687
he's still my brother
and he's still number one.
1919
01:30:05,067 --> 01:30:06,319
Without a twin
1920
01:30:06,485 --> 01:30:07,486
you're useless.
1921
01:30:07,570 --> 01:30:08,905
- We're good to go.
- Triplets? No.
1922
01:30:08,988 --> 01:30:10,656
- No.
- Nasty, ugly.
1923
01:30:12,325 --> 01:30:13,576
- No, done.
- No, we're done.
1924
01:30:13,659 --> 01:30:14,660
- Twins.
- Yes.
1925
01:30:14,744 --> 01:30:16,078
- Keep 'em.
- Let's go.
1926
01:30:32,386 --> 01:30:34,347
I got to get this pin...