1 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:28,825 Guardian of the Universe. Protector against the forces of evil 2 00:00:28,921 --> 00:00:31,275 He can catch a bullet, faster than a speeding train. 3 00:00:31,370 --> 00:00:33,674 He leaps tall buildings in a single bound. 4 00:00:33,770 --> 00:00:36,009 Up in the sky. Is it a bird, is it a plane? 5 00:00:36,105 --> 00:00:39,342 ...Mailman by day, superhero by night. 6 00:00:39,436 --> 00:00:41,982 He protects New York from the forces of evil. 7 00:00:42,077 --> 00:00:49,041 ... The World has been protected by extraordinary men and women who have dedicated themselves to fighting crime. 8 00:00:49,137 --> 00:00:53,503 He has powers far beyond the capabilities of mere earthlings. 9 00:01:03,974 --> 00:01:06,117 I always wondered why nobody did it before me 10 00:01:08,071 --> 00:01:12,282 I mean, all those comic books. Movies. TV shows... 11 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:15,161 You'd think that one eccentric loner would have made himself a costume. 12 00:01:17,936 --> 00:01:21,239 Is everyday life really so exciting, 13 00:01:21,227 --> 00:01:25,299 are schools and offices so thrilling, that I’m the only one who ever fantasized about this? 14 00:01:25,974 --> 00:01:29,274 C'mon. Be honest with yourself. 15 00:01:29,343 --> 00:01:31,052 At some point in our lives, 16 00:01:31,106 --> 00:01:34,243 we all wanted to be a super hero. 17 00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:49,117 That's not me, by the way. 18 00:01:50,223 --> 00:01:53,256 That's some Armenian guy with a history of mental health problems. 19 00:01:54,445 --> 00:01:55,468 Who am I? 20 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,986 I'm "Kick-Ass" 21 00:02:07,962 --> 00:02:10,911 That's me. Back before any of this crazy shit happened. 22 00:02:10,939 --> 00:02:14,984 Guess I was the last person you'd expect to become a superhero 23 00:02:16,155 --> 00:02:18,352 Not saying there was anything wrong with me. 24 00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:21,148 But there's not nothing special either 25 00:02:21,181 --> 00:02:23,927 I wasn't into sports 26 00:02:24,926 --> 00:02:26,984 I wasn't a mathlete... or a hard-core gamer... 27 00:02:28,726 --> 00:02:31,525 I didn't have a piercing, or an eating disorder, 28 00:02:32,044 --> 00:02:33,796 or three thousand friends on MySpace. 29 00:02:34,394 --> 00:02:37,443 My only superpower was being invisible to girls 30 00:02:38,715 --> 00:02:41,459 But out of my friends, man, I wasn't even the funny one. 31 00:02:42,469 --> 00:02:45,342 Like most people my age, I just existed. 32 00:02:55,452 --> 00:02:56,663 Good morning, class 33 00:02:56,953 --> 00:03:00,456 Please open your books to act II, scene II 34 00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:04,496 Kick in my bedroom door, you'ld probably find me watching TV. 35 00:03:05,461 --> 00:03:07,199 Or talking to my friend Todd on Skype. 36 00:03:07,334 --> 00:03:09,199 You watching Family Guy? Nope. 37 00:03:09,695 --> 00:03:10,805 Me neither. 38 00:03:10,805 --> 00:03:13,594 try "hardnipplesweat.com......It's good 39 00:03:16,886 --> 00:03:19,370 Or "jerking off". Mostly to my English teacher 40 00:03:21,022 --> 00:03:25,953 David Lizewski, don't think I haven't noticed you looking at my tits? 41 00:03:27,897 --> 00:03:31,483 Oh!...I want your hand all over me...Dave...please 42 00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:38,047 Sure a lot of what got me through the average school day was making deposits in the wack-off warehouse for later 43 00:03:39,754 --> 00:03:42,374 Though, to be honest I didn't take much to set me off. 44 00:03:43,878 --> 00:03:48,927 I swear, when hormones balance out shares in Kleenex are gonna take a dive, man. 45 00:03:52,555 --> 00:03:53,670 Dave Lizewski 46 00:03:54,143 --> 00:03:55,868 Shouldn't you be looking at Hamlet right now? 47 00:03:56,368 --> 00:03:57,310 Yes, Mrs. Zane 48 00:03:59,932 --> 00:04:00,646 Sorry 49 00:04:02,483 --> 00:04:03,481 But don't make me wrong 50 00:04:03,482 --> 00:04:05,350 I like girls in my own age, too. 51 00:04:06,545 --> 00:04:08,378 Especially Katie Deauxma. 52 00:04:08,379 --> 00:04:09,306 Hey gorgeous! 53 00:04:10,162 --> 00:04:10,984 Hey! 54 00:04:15,104 --> 00:04:16,164 Oh, No 55 00:04:16,534 --> 00:04:18,453 you meant - Erika 56 00:04:18,985 --> 00:04:20,766 I know. I knew that. 57 00:04:21,043 --> 00:04:22,126 I was just kidding. 58 00:04:22,990 --> 00:04:24,558 O.K., cool. 59 00:04:25,422 --> 00:04:26,210 oh, my God 60 00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:32,046 Hey , look I'm Todd's mom. 61 00:04:34,687 --> 00:04:36,103 Oh, that's funny, this is your dad 62 00:04:37,184 --> 00:04:38,671 No That's still my mom, actually 63 00:04:41,612 --> 00:04:42,600 what the fuck? 64 00:04:42,931 --> 00:04:44,665 I was just a regular guy. 65 00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:49,400 No radioactive spiders. No refugee status from a doomed alien world. 66 00:04:49,401 --> 00:04:54,621 You know what? Todd said they do still make Count Chocula. They just don’t sell it in the store anymore. 67 00:04:57,019 --> 00:04:59,437 My mother was killed by an aneurism in the kitchen, 68 00:04:59,438 --> 00:05:01,725 as opposed to a gunman in an alley. 69 00:05:01,726 --> 00:05:06,270 So if you were hoping for any... I will avenge you, mother! 70 00:05:06,270 --> 00:05:07,170 ...You're outta luck. 71 00:05:07,581 --> 00:05:09,661 In fact, in the eighteen months since my mother died, 72 00:05:09,661 --> 00:05:13,510 the only epiphany I had was realizing that, life just goes on. 73 00:05:13,511 --> 00:05:15,061 Did they change the bee's face? 74 00:05:16,675 --> 00:05:17,677 No 75 00:05:24,890 --> 00:05:27,517 How come nobody's ever tried to be a superhero? 76 00:05:28,062 --> 00:05:31,047 well, I dunno. Probably 'cause it's fucking impossible, dip-shit. 77 00:05:31,048 --> 00:05:33,947 What, putting on a mask and helping people? How is that impossible? 78 00:05:33,948 --> 00:05:36,148 That's not a superhero, though. It has to have Super 79 00:05:36,148 --> 00:05:39,805 Super is like, being stronger than everybody and flying and shit. That's just hero. 80 00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:42,452 No, It's not even hero, it’s just fuckin' psycho. 81 00:05:43,335 --> 00:05:44,775 Hello? Bruce Wayne? 82 00:05:44,776 --> 00:05:45,986 He didn't have any powers. 83 00:05:45,987 --> 00:05:48,481 Yeah, but he had all expensive shit that doesn't exist. 84 00:05:48,481 --> 00:05:50,664 I thought you meant, like how come no one does it in real life. 85 00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:52,160 Yeah, Todd, that's what I meant. 86 00:05:52,161 --> 00:05:55,963 Dude if anybody did it in real life they'd get their ass kicked. 87 00:05:55,963 --> 00:05:56,689 They'd be dead in like, a day. ...A day. 88 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,497 O.K., I'm not saying they should do it. 89 00:05:58,498 --> 00:06:00,267 I just can’t figure out why nobody does. 90 00:06:00,850 --> 00:06:04,230 Seriously, out of all the millions of people who love superheroes 91 00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:05,913 you'd think one would give it a try. 92 00:06:07,268 --> 00:06:09,303 Jesus, guys. Doesn't it bug you? 93 00:06:09,304 --> 00:06:12,445 Why do thousands of people wanna be Paris Hilton, and nobody wants to be Spider-Man? 94 00:06:12,446 --> 00:06:14,910 Yeah, what's with that? She has, like, no tits at all. 95 00:06:15,361 --> 00:06:17,541 Maybe it's the porn tape. He doesn't have a porn tape. 96 00:06:17,542 --> 00:06:19,266 You never saw One Night in Spider-Man? 97 00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:23,464 Guess who? 98 00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:30,064 Is it just me, or do you feel kinda sorry for Chris D'Amico? 99 00:06:30,065 --> 00:06:33,061 Yeah, must be terrible to have a rich dad and everything you want. 100 00:06:33,689 --> 00:06:36,205 I wish you hadn't said anything. 'Cause I feel like I'm gonna start crying. 101 00:06:36,710 --> 00:06:38,082 No, the fact that it 102 00:06:38,083 --> 00:06:39,853 Yeh, but he's always on his own. 103 00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:43,477 We should, like, talk to him. 104 00:06:43,478 --> 00:06:45,146 See if he wants to hang with us. 105 00:06:45,147 --> 00:06:46,893 .... I'm not saying that we should talk to him, but 106 00:06:46,894 --> 00:06:50,959 Think about it. C'mon it’d be awesome! If he was our friend, no one would ever fuck with us again! 107 00:06:51,172 --> 00:06:52,621 Go on then, Todd. 108 00:06:52,623 --> 00:06:54,256 No, no - What you mean? Want me to talk to him? - 109 00:06:54,641 --> 00:06:57,108 Nuh-uh. Dave should go. Dave should go. 110 00:06:57,494 --> 00:06:59,416 Why? Dave you should totally go. Go. 111 00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:01,423 Do not be afraid Dave - 112 00:07:01,424 --> 00:07:02,424 You are a pussy 113 00:07:09,815 --> 00:07:10,987 Fuck off. 114 00:07:16,689 --> 00:07:18,293 Wanna go over there? - Yeah -............. 115 00:07:18,293 --> 00:07:20,428 You think I just shat my pants or what?.... 116 00:07:21,716 --> 00:07:22,649 Yeah. 117 00:07:23,137 --> 00:07:26,003 Yeah I would just klick his ass 118 00:07:26,005 --> 00:07:27,987 When did you ever kick anyone's ass? 119 00:07:27,988 --> 00:07:30,294 Whatever, man I would've just gone for his knees.... 120 00:07:30,379 --> 00:07:31,776 You are not making sense. 121 00:07:31,865 --> 00:07:38,857 What I'm saying is that in the Joker portion when he got in "Evaran" when he vowed to penetrate the Joker's force field leaving him totally vulnerable 122 00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:40,314 Pussy Patrol! 123 00:07:40,709 --> 00:07:41,874 Phones. Money. 124 00:07:41,875 --> 00:07:43,227 Hey guys, not again Come on 125 00:07:45,688 --> 00:07:48,137 Phone. I don't have one! Somebody else jacked it last week! 126 00:07:48,576 --> 00:07:49,750 Pussy 127 00:07:49,751 --> 00:07:51,896 Gimme the bag It’s just comics. 128 00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:53,680 Yo! You wanna get cut? 129 00:08:03,987 --> 00:08:06,148 Look at this asshole, just watching 130 00:08:10,522 --> 00:08:13,325 Come on, be honest with yourself 131 00:08:13,325 --> 00:08:15,915 would you do anything differently 132 00:08:18,054 --> 00:08:20,595 We see someone in trouble and we wish we can help 133 00:08:21,105 --> 00:08:22,176 But we don't 134 00:08:26,710 --> 00:08:30,340 The world I lived in, heroes only exist in comic books 135 00:08:31,863 --> 00:08:35,608 But I guess that would have been OK if bad guys were make believe too. 136 00:08:36,852 --> 00:08:38,174 But they are not 137 00:08:39,413 --> 00:08:42,331 Frankie. I swear I'm not making this up. 138 00:08:42,427 --> 00:08:49,025 This fucking guy... Comes outta nowhere kicks our asses, steals all the coke 139 00:08:49,025 --> 00:08:50,925 This would be the guy that looks like Batman. 140 00:08:50,926 --> 00:08:52,595 I didn't say look like Batman. 141 00:08:52,596 --> 00:08:55,353 You did Tre. You said the the guy looked like Batman 142 00:08:55,354 --> 00:08:57,786 And you said like a mask and stuff And a cape? Yeah like Batman. 143 00:08:57,787 --> 00:09:00,881 I didn't say like Batman - I never said ‘Batman’- 144 00:09:01,338 --> 00:09:02,453 OK 145 00:09:03,041 --> 00:09:05,317 Let me tell you the problem I got with that, Tre. 146 00:09:05,681 --> 00:09:09,876 Our mole with the Russians tells things a little different. 147 00:09:10,902 --> 00:09:15,039 according to him, you've sold him my coke and you took the money 148 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:16,633 That's a fucking lie! 149 00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:20,785 I can't believe that you would believe this shit from a fucking Russian, man. 150 00:09:21,044 --> 00:09:23,512 Let's see, Tre. What's more likely? 151 00:09:24,593 --> 00:09:26,413 That you're a greedy little cocksucker, 152 00:09:26,414 --> 00:09:29,123 Or that all my coke was stolen by Superman? Batman. 153 00:09:29,562 --> 00:09:31,208 I never said Batman! 154 00:09:31,209 --> 00:09:32,285 Enough 155 00:09:35,497 --> 00:09:38,197 My son is waitin' out there in the car to go to the movies. 156 00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:40,025 And I aint gonna to disappoint him 157 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:42,561 Joe, you're in charge 158 00:09:43,647 --> 00:09:46,362 Thanks - That's gotta be the worst fuckin' excuse I ever heard, Tre. (Screaming) 159 00:09:54,377 --> 00:09:55,538 Sorry you had to wait, buddy. 160 00:09:55,539 --> 00:09:57,191 The movie is starting in 10 minutes 161 00:09:57,192 --> 00:09:58,674 It's O.K. We're cool. 162 00:09:59,211 --> 00:10:00,388 We're only gonna miss the trailers. 163 00:10:00,389 --> 00:10:01,935 Yeah, but I wanted to, get some popcorn. 164 00:10:02,231 --> 00:10:04,072 When we get in there, get Chris some popcorn. 165 00:10:04,073 --> 00:10:05,161 Okay? 166 00:10:06,666 --> 00:10:07,707 What do you wanna drink, wanna Pepsi? 167 00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:08,652 That's fine 168 00:10:08,749 --> 00:10:10,439 get him pepsi And I'll have an Icee. 169 00:10:11,030 --> 00:10:12,161 Mixed 170 00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:14,606 Like, when they mix the red one and the blue one? (gun shot in background) 171 00:10:16,982 --> 00:10:18,064 And a pack of Twizzlers. 172 00:10:39,378 --> 00:10:40,725 The comic-books had it wrong. 173 00:10:41,219 --> 00:10:46,190 It didn't take a trauma, or cosmic rays or a power ring to make a superhero. 174 00:10:47,532 --> 00:10:51,370 ...Just the perfect combination of optimism and naivety. 175 00:11:24,102 --> 00:11:26,495 You are fucking awesome. 176 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:30,822 C'mon 177 00:11:57,108 --> 00:12:02,741 Daddy? I'm scared. C'mon Mindy, honey. Be a big girl now. There's nothin' to be afraid of. 178 00:12:03,307 --> 00:12:07,468 Is it gonna hurt bad? oh, child. Only for a second, sugar. 179 00:12:07,908 --> 00:12:13,252 Handgun bullet travels at....more than? 700 miles an hour. 700 miles an hour. 180 00:12:13,253 --> 00:12:20,535 So at close range like this, the force is gonna take you off your feet, for sure. But it's really no more painful than a punch in the chest. 181 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,200 I hate getting punched in the chest. 182 00:12:23,678 --> 00:12:24,876 You're gonna be fine, baby doll. 183 00:12:32,894 --> 00:12:33,655 How was that? 184 00:12:33,656 --> 00:12:34,746 Not so bad. 185 00:12:35,164 --> 00:12:36,375 Kinda fun, huh? 186 00:12:37,054 --> 00:12:38,148 Now you know how it feels, 187 00:12:38,535 --> 00:12:41,761 you won't be scared when some junkie asshole pulls a Glock. 188 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,089 Wouldn't have been scared anyways. 189 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,601 That's my girl! 'kay. 190 00:12:44,602 --> 00:12:46,337 Up you get. 191 00:12:46,338 --> 00:12:48,861 Two more rounds, and then home. 192 00:12:48,862 --> 00:12:49,707 Again? 193 00:12:49,708 --> 00:12:50,622 Uh-huh. 194 00:12:50,999 --> 00:12:53,379 Only if we can go by the bowling alley on the way back. 195 00:12:53,917 --> 00:12:55,811 Bowling alley? 196 00:12:55,812 --> 00:12:56,726 Yep 197 00:12:56,727 --> 00:12:58,031 And then icecream after 198 00:13:00,369 --> 00:13:01,163 Hmm. Okay. 199 00:13:01,164 --> 00:13:02,679 Two more rounds, 200 00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:08,039 no wincing, no whining and you got yourself a deal, young lady. 201 00:13:08,834 --> 00:13:10,707 I'm gonna get Hot fudge sundae. 202 00:13:10,708 --> 00:13:12,583 Good call, baby doll! 203 00:13:15,933 --> 00:13:18,272 So you gonna tell a little more about what you might want 204 00:13:18,273 --> 00:13:19,257 for your birthday? 205 00:13:19,762 --> 00:13:20,816 Can I get a puppy? 206 00:13:22,585 --> 00:13:23,787 Do you want to get a dog? 207 00:13:24,075 --> 00:13:25,754 Yeah. A cuddly fluffy one. 208 00:13:25,897 --> 00:13:28,269 And a Bratz Moviestar Makeover Sasha. 209 00:13:33,072 --> 00:13:35,126 Just fucking with you daddy! 210 00:13:35,126 --> 00:13:38,078 I'd love a Benchmade model-42 butterfly knife. 211 00:13:38,113 --> 00:13:42,598 Oh child. You always knock me for a loop. 212 00:13:42,859 --> 00:13:44,599 Know what? I'm gonna get you two 213 00:13:44,633 --> 00:13:46,982 Two? - Yes - 214 00:13:47,797 --> 00:13:48,878 That's what you get. 215 00:14:21,793 --> 00:14:23,203 I'll be honest, 216 00:14:23,089 --> 00:14:25,998 there wasn't a whole lotta crime fighting in those first few weeks. 217 00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:30,092 But even so, my new vocation kept me plenty busy. 218 00:14:36,259 --> 00:14:39,533 I called it preparation. 219 00:14:41,717 --> 00:14:43,392 But if you called it fantasizing, 220 00:14:43,427 --> 00:14:45,594 it woulda been hard to argue. 221 00:14:45,629 --> 00:14:49,949 All I knew was I never felt so good about myself. 222 00:15:05,647 --> 00:15:06,372 Fuck! 223 00:15:08,218 --> 00:15:11,498 Okay, maybe I was still in the beta testing phase. 224 00:15:11,498 --> 00:15:13,723 But it was a start. 225 00:15:29,758 --> 00:15:31,626 what the fuck are you looking at? 226 00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:32,893 Nothing 227 00:15:32,926 --> 00:15:34,598 Get the fuck out of here 228 00:15:39,303 --> 00:15:45,302 Like every serial killer already knew, eventually fantasizing just doesn’t do it for you anymore. 229 00:15:45,302 --> 00:15:47,122 It was time to engage 230 00:15:53,788 --> 00:15:55,273 what the fuck? 231 00:16:03,346 --> 00:16:04,841 what the fuck are you looking at? 232 00:16:06,054 --> 00:16:08,282 I said what the fuck are you looking at? 233 00:16:13,011 --> 00:16:18,765 Two cheapshit losers screwing with a car that somebody probably worked their ass off to pay for. 234 00:16:19,182 --> 00:16:20,242 Say what? 235 00:16:20,850 --> 00:16:22,013 Leave it be man. 236 00:16:22,046 --> 00:16:25,066 This Motherfucker is obviously high. 237 00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:27,377 I'm not high. 238 00:16:27,378 --> 00:16:30,881 I just think it sucks you guys think you can do what you want. 239 00:16:31,956 --> 00:16:34,694 Just walk away from the car, and we can just forget about it. 240 00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:39,053 You crazy, man! 241 00:16:39,218 --> 00:16:40,509 Fuck this shit! 242 00:16:53,759 --> 00:16:54,088 shit! 243 00:17:36,402 --> 00:17:40,112 I came out just long enough to beg the medics not to tell anybody about the costume 244 00:17:41,345 --> 00:17:42,798 He promised he wouldn't 245 00:17:44,290 --> 00:17:47,153 All I knew was that my dad was gonna kill me. 246 00:18:01,262 --> 00:18:03,748 Why can not I get a gun? I am the security guard 247 00:18:03,748 --> 00:18:06,267 You're a doorman, now. You don't get a gun no more. 248 00:18:06,267 --> 00:18:09,237 Look at me. I look like a putz. You look sharp. Look at all them buttons 249 00:18:09,907 --> 00:18:11,938 Do your job. Open the fucking door 250 00:18:14,631 --> 00:18:16,158 Have a nice day 251 00:18:42,972 --> 00:18:43,989 Good Morning Frank 252 00:18:44,396 --> 00:18:45,629 Hey Joe. How ya doin'? 253 00:18:45,629 --> 00:18:47,579 Great - want some coffee? - 254 00:18:47,773 --> 00:18:48,985 Maybe later 255 00:18:49,178 --> 00:18:49,778 Good morning Angie 256 00:18:50,429 --> 00:18:52,167 Chris - Good Morning Joe - 257 00:18:53,024 --> 00:18:54,664 Frank we got a thing 258 00:18:56,551 --> 00:18:58,298 It's a big thing Frank 259 00:19:01,328 --> 00:19:02,729 OK 260 00:19:03,066 --> 00:19:04,579 Sorry for the very 261 00:19:05,417 --> 00:19:06,905 do what you gotta do 262 00:19:11,113 --> 00:19:12,608 Chris, where you think you're going? 263 00:19:12,608 --> 00:19:13,708 I gotta talk to dad. 264 00:19:13,708 --> 00:19:14,458 Christopher 265 00:19:14,959 --> 00:19:15,749 Frank Honey 266 00:19:18,510 --> 00:19:19,583 Where do you think you're going? 267 00:19:20,024 --> 00:19:22,287 I don't mind you talking business. Dad 268 00:19:22,769 --> 00:19:26,391 I was just gonna sit in there quietly. I mean I should probably start learning and stuff, anyway, right?. 269 00:19:26,391 --> 00:19:28,138 Go finish your oatmeal 270 00:19:28,138 --> 00:19:31,462 Goddamit! I'm gonna be 18 in eight months for chrissakes. 271 00:19:34,809 --> 00:19:35,789 Just sit 272 00:19:39,180 --> 00:19:39,992 So, what's the problem? 273 00:19:39,965 --> 00:19:44,443 Our Russian says Tre just sold them another 5 K's, at half price. 274 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:46,918 Which Tre? Tre Tre? 275 00:19:46,918 --> 00:19:48,858 Right. Dead Tre. 276 00:19:48,858 --> 00:19:50,981 So now I'm getting fucked in the ass by a ghost. 277 00:19:51,014 --> 00:19:52,652 Or Tre was telling the truth. 278 00:19:52,935 --> 00:19:58,103 What so this is my choice? I have to believe in ghosts or superheroes? 279 00:19:58,137 --> 00:20:03,030 Not the part about the superhero, Franky. Just that he mighta really been gaffled by somebody. 280 00:20:06,462 --> 00:20:10,379 I think we better invited our Russian friend over for a friendly chat. 281 00:20:12,124 --> 00:20:15,094 See what's really going on. 282 00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:30,685 Hey, early birdy 283 00:20:30,685 --> 00:20:34,117 You beat me to it. I wanted to get you breakfast this morning 284 00:20:34,911 --> 00:20:36,956 Happy birthday, sweetheart 285 00:20:36,990 --> 00:20:39,431 check this out 286 00:20:47,429 --> 00:20:50,146 Thank you, thank you, thank you! 287 00:20:50,146 --> 00:20:51,311 Oh my God 288 00:20:51,977 --> 00:20:52,449 dad 289 00:20:56,204 --> 00:20:56,797 Wow 290 00:20:57,044 --> 00:20:58,116 Wow, dad 291 00:20:58,934 --> 00:21:00,417 Ok, pop quiz 292 00:21:00,695 --> 00:21:02,299 What is the proper name for one of those? 293 00:21:02,299 --> 00:21:04,229 Isabelle It's...uh...Filippino. Ask me another one. 294 00:21:04,229 --> 00:21:05,961 Excellent, good. 295 00:21:05,961 --> 00:21:11,583 The AR 15 was a lighter, smaller caliber version of what design? 296 00:21:11,583 --> 00:21:14,415 Eugene 7 AR-10 Give me a hard one. 297 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:21,155 Name John Woo's first full length feature. 298 00:21:21,189 --> 00:21:22,866 Chi bi xia: Jue zhan tian xia 299 00:21:23,250 --> 00:21:24,578 Daddy look 300 00:21:24,580 --> 00:21:27,370 Hey, come on, you're not looking 301 00:21:29,741 --> 00:21:33,506 the point is some fucker's killing our guys 302 00:21:33,539 --> 00:21:38,447 If you find out who that is I don't wanna see any of you bitches sitting on your asses all right!! 303 00:21:38,482 --> 00:21:39,951 What the fuck you....? 304 00:21:39,985 --> 00:21:41,268 Hello 305 00:21:41,632 --> 00:21:43,172 Hey Joe, yeah 306 00:21:43,523 --> 00:21:45,965 No, I was just training right now 307 00:21:45,998 --> 00:21:46,708 one second 308 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:48,816 Dad.....phone. 309 00:21:51,319 --> 00:21:52,236 Dad, the phone's for you 310 00:21:52,775 --> 00:21:55,435 Who is it? it's Joe 311 00:21:58,816 --> 00:22:01,896 what's the problem? - Yeah, Frank turns out, man's got the vice here no more. 312 00:22:02,088 --> 00:22:03,354 Really - aha - 313 00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:08,135 But we do got a brand new industrial microwave they use her for treating the lumber. 314 00:22:08,169 --> 00:22:09,355 So where is it? 315 00:22:09,807 --> 00:22:14,179 I think you must be confusing me with someone who gives a shit about the fucking lumber 316 00:22:14,214 --> 00:22:18,745 Well, you're right, I'm sorry, - Just grabbed the information - 317 00:22:20,019 --> 00:22:21,036 Alright come on, go ahead 318 00:22:21,330 --> 00:22:24,388 Hey look the guy told me he killed Fernandez 319 00:22:24,422 --> 00:22:25,826 What I know ? - Shut up - 320 00:22:25,861 --> 00:22:27,385 Jesus Fernandez is dead. 321 00:22:27,418 --> 00:22:28,921 Now, shut up 322 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:30,454 He lied, so... 323 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,453 Works like a regular microwave, or what? 324 00:22:35,485 --> 00:22:39,085 Fuck do I know? We're not making a fucking Hungry Man dinner here, just turn it on! 325 00:22:42,186 --> 00:22:42,950 Here we go 326 00:22:43,010 --> 00:22:46,181 O.K. I want to know who sold you our coke? 327 00:22:46,218 --> 00:22:49,095 And don't tell me somebody who's dead, this time 328 00:22:57,802 --> 00:23:00,692 I said...... 329 00:23:04,005 --> 00:23:05,024 Who 330 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:06,961 Sold 331 00:23:06,961 --> 00:23:08,049 You 332 00:23:08,484 --> 00:23:10,745 Our....coke? 333 00:23:13,345 --> 00:23:14,617 Shit 334 00:23:19,770 --> 00:23:20,797 This is awesome 335 00:23:21,334 --> 00:23:22,835 I look like freakin' Wolverine. 336 00:23:24,008 --> 00:23:26,734 They still have that metal detector at your school? 337 00:23:26,769 --> 00:23:30,102 Yeah, It's gonna have a meltdown! 338 00:23:31,257 --> 00:23:33,405 Dave, I need to ask you something. 339 00:23:35,397 --> 00:23:36,075 OK 340 00:23:36,452 --> 00:23:38,010 The police report... 341 00:23:38,343 --> 00:23:41,918 They found you naked. You said you didn't remember why. 342 00:23:42,482 --> 00:23:44,346 The muggers... they didn't...? 343 00:23:45,462 --> 00:23:46,560 What? 344 00:23:49,174 --> 00:23:49,956 No 345 00:23:49,957 --> 00:23:52,188 Jesus! No! 346 00:23:52,189 --> 00:23:53,852 I wasn't even... 347 00:23:54,370 --> 00:23:56,590 In the ambulance, they threw my clothes away! 348 00:23:56,591 --> 00:23:57,834 Cause of the blood. Right 349 00:24:05,917 --> 00:24:08,214 I know I not at all as far as back on my feet 350 00:24:08,215 --> 00:24:10,563 Dave, What? - Shhhs. 351 00:24:11,786 --> 00:24:13,449 Apart from the messed up nerve ending. 352 00:24:13,547 --> 00:24:15,326 The doctors had managed to fix me up pretty good. 353 00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:17,752 Did you feel that? 354 00:24:17,922 --> 00:24:18,419 No 355 00:24:18,873 --> 00:24:21,446 You're like fucking Jason Bourne or something! That owns! 356 00:24:21,479 --> 00:24:23,698 How about that? No. Marty, 357 00:24:23,699 --> 00:24:25,884 give it a fuckin' rest, man. 358 00:24:25,621 --> 00:24:28,914 I've only been back, like, half a day and already you’re making fun of me at the hospital. 359 00:24:28,914 --> 00:24:30,439 He's right I'm sorry 360 00:24:30,439 --> 00:24:32,881 truly childish 361 00:24:44,500 --> 00:24:45,911 Hey 362 00:24:48,289 --> 00:24:49,201 Dave Hey 363 00:24:51,202 --> 00:24:51,957 Oh, hey 364 00:24:51,990 --> 00:24:53,894 How are you? 365 00:24:54,310 --> 00:24:55,304 You look better 366 00:24:55,338 --> 00:24:56,503 I'm OK 367 00:24:57,273 --> 00:24:58,968 Yeah, much better 368 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:00,895 Hey, you’re into comic books, aren’t you? 369 00:25:00,929 --> 00:25:03,909 Well... me and Erika sometimes hang out after school at this really great store, 370 00:25:03,910 --> 00:25:08,578 Atomic Comics. They make the best like Crack-a-back-a-latte. 371 00:25:08,611 --> 00:25:09,573 Yeah...? 372 00:25:12,479 --> 00:25:17,416 Well... I could buy you one ... sometime if you want? If you, like, need someone to talk to? 373 00:25:17,450 --> 00:25:21,188 sure, thank you 374 00:25:21,223 --> 00:25:23,855 Ok. Sweet. Well I'll see you later 375 00:25:28,187 --> 00:25:29,432 Man, did you just see that?! Yeah - 376 00:25:29,464 --> 00:25:31,177 Katie Deauxma just offered to buy me coffee 377 00:25:31,211 --> 00:25:34,146 Yeah..I really don't think that's the way it looks like 378 00:25:34,181 --> 00:25:35,263 What are you talking about? 379 00:25:35,297 --> 00:25:38,524 The point is, Katie Deauxma is all about the lame ducks. 380 00:25:38,558 --> 00:25:40,809 What's that got to do with me? 381 00:25:40,841 --> 00:25:43,003 I've been trying to figure out how to tell you this 382 00:25:43,036 --> 00:25:46,187 There's a rumor going around, right... 383 00:25:46,220 --> 00:25:48,316 that you... what? are gay 384 00:25:48,350 --> 00:25:49,588 Gay!!! 385 00:25:49,622 --> 00:25:51,214 What kind of rumor is that? 386 00:25:51,247 --> 00:25:52,787 Well you know, getting mugged... 387 00:25:52,821 --> 00:25:54,044 You guys have been mugged! 388 00:25:54,078 --> 00:25:57,844 Yeah, I know...but...you know.. we didn't get beat up and have all our clothes taken off. 389 00:25:57,878 --> 00:26:00,196 That's not even true! The medics threw my clothes away! 390 00:26:01,505 --> 00:26:04,445 Don't worry about it. Rumors don't mean shit. We know the truth 391 00:26:04,478 --> 00:26:05,400 Right? - Yes - 392 00:26:05,433 --> 00:26:07,683 Yeah. And who knows, it might even get you laid. 393 00:26:07,718 --> 00:26:09,485 Not if she thinks he's gay, Todd, 394 00:26:09,519 --> 00:26:10,902 you fuckin' retard! 395 00:26:10,935 --> 00:26:13,308 Thanks a lot, Marty. You aint fucking helping me- 396 00:26:13,341 --> 00:26:14,157 I'm just being honest 397 00:26:17,891 --> 00:26:20,151 I was getting back to my old self 398 00:26:20,186 --> 00:26:21,493 I should have quit, of course. 399 00:26:22,699 --> 00:26:24,479 But you can't just re-program yourself 400 00:26:25,228 --> 00:26:27,837 what you want, who you are... your purpose in life. 401 00:26:28,588 --> 00:26:30,374 oh no...I'm just stand around here 402 00:26:30,407 --> 00:26:34,481 It is what it is. 403 00:26:39,014 --> 00:26:40,038 You didn't see that did ya? 404 00:26:40,380 --> 00:26:41,778 I think it's best that you just walk away 405 00:26:42,233 --> 00:26:43,055 Well maybe you shouldn't do that. 406 00:26:43,476 --> 00:26:44,225 What? Huh? 407 00:26:44,654 --> 00:26:45,188 You looking at me? 408 00:26:45,545 --> 00:26:46,650 Well this is my baby. 409 00:26:57,973 --> 00:26:58,970 Me? 410 00:26:59,030 --> 00:27:00,337 My hardware was fixed now. 411 00:27:00,975 --> 00:27:04,606 I was back and running Kick-ass version 2.0 412 00:27:13,935 --> 00:27:15,438 Excuse me, did you see this cat? 413 00:27:15,804 --> 00:27:16,300 No 414 00:27:18,332 --> 00:27:20,148 Excuse me, Madam, Have you seen this cat? 415 00:27:23,173 --> 00:27:25,002 I'm sorry, did you see this cat? 416 00:27:47,930 --> 00:27:49,095 Great 417 00:27:51,060 --> 00:27:52,119 Come, Kitty 418 00:27:52,309 --> 00:27:53,807 Mr. Bitey 419 00:27:59,445 --> 00:28:00,344 Come on, no, no 420 00:28:00,882 --> 00:28:02,256 No, no, Mr. Bitey Come on 421 00:28:02,642 --> 00:28:04,284 Here, I get you home 422 00:28:04,352 --> 00:28:05,485 Come on 423 00:28:14,216 --> 00:28:18,983 Fuck you Mr. Bitey!! 424 00:28:23,516 --> 00:28:24,787 Oh God...I'm so sorry, man 425 00:28:25,229 --> 00:28:27,888 You fucking Green......!!!! 426 00:28:31,430 --> 00:28:32,387 Hey freak... 427 00:28:34,712 --> 00:28:35,265 Hey, leave it alone 428 00:28:35,724 --> 00:28:38,008 Fuck off man. 429 00:28:40,635 --> 00:28:41,699 Guess it is. 430 00:29:09,850 --> 00:29:11,341 Hey, Call 911 431 00:29:16,308 --> 00:29:19,681 There's a dude dressed like a superhero out there fighting a bunch of guys. 432 00:29:23,799 --> 00:29:25,580 It's Fucking awesome!!! 433 00:29:52,858 --> 00:29:53,620 Leave him alone 434 00:29:59,884 --> 00:30:00,928 Give it up man. 435 00:30:01,054 --> 00:30:01,771 Just walk away 436 00:30:03,350 --> 00:30:04,329 No, never 437 00:30:05,641 --> 00:30:07,216 What the fuck is wrong with you, man? 438 00:30:07,245 --> 00:30:08,900 You'd rather die for some piece of shit? 439 00:30:09,881 --> 00:30:11,445 That you don't even fucking know? 440 00:30:12,250 --> 00:30:15,695 You're just three asholes laying into one guy while everyone else watches. 441 00:30:17,024 --> 00:30:18,794 And you wanna know what's wrong with me? 442 00:30:21,333 --> 00:30:23,536 Yeah, I'd rather die. 443 00:30:23,979 --> 00:30:25,427 You bring it on!! (Police sirens in background) 444 00:30:29,843 --> 00:30:31,124 You're fucking crazy kid 445 00:30:38,929 --> 00:30:40,085 What? 446 00:30:41,573 --> 00:30:42,400 Thank you! 447 00:30:45,223 --> 00:30:46,635 That fucking rocks! 448 00:30:47,086 --> 00:30:47,446 Who are you? 449 00:30:50,255 --> 00:30:51,460 I'm Kick Ass 450 00:30:55,758 --> 00:30:57,483 Dude you gotta check this shit out. 451 00:30:57,783 --> 00:30:59,308 what is it? 452 00:31:00,352 --> 00:31:10,067 And coming up after the hour: a costumed vigilante has become the latest Internet phenomenon after a Hamilton Park resident filmed the man's remarkable intervention in a gang-related attack last week... 453 00:31:10,101 --> 00:31:11,272 Pretty awesome 454 00:31:11,361 --> 00:31:12,019 Fuck Yeah. 455 00:31:12,132 --> 00:31:14,465 Welcome to this special edition of Eye on New York 456 00:31:15,101 --> 00:31:17,632 How far would you go to help your fellow man? 457 00:31:17,666 --> 00:31:20,431 This cowel covered individual has been all over the news this week 458 00:31:20,508 --> 00:31:22,406 After this video of his intervention of street gang violence 459 00:31:23,756 --> 00:31:25,941 became the most watched web on the Internet 460 00:31:30,108 --> 00:31:31,831 On My Space, 38 press 461 00:31:32,218 --> 00:31:35,741 Kick-Ass is my favorite. 16,000 and counting. 462 00:31:36,037 --> 00:31:37,651 This thing was going crazy 463 00:31:38,559 --> 00:31:39,589 And I was loving it 464 00:31:39,729 --> 00:31:42,739 Finally, we want to know who is this man 465 00:31:43,032 --> 00:31:46,361 Does anyone have any idea who this wet suit Crusader is? 466 00:31:46,758 --> 00:31:50,836 He must be someone's son... Someone's brother.... Someone's next door neighbor... 467 00:31:50,869 --> 00:31:52,374 Holy shit. What happened? 468 00:31:52,614 --> 00:31:54,185 what happened? 469 00:31:54,219 --> 00:31:56,469 This guy happened. 470 00:31:57,092 --> 00:31:58,439 This right there from her everybody 471 00:32:00,342 --> 00:32:02,529 Everbody's favorite superhero right now is Kick-Ass, right? 472 00:32:02,898 --> 00:32:03,683 Kick-Ass!! Yeah!!! 473 00:32:06,719 --> 00:32:08,315 I like Kick-Ass 474 00:32:12,981 --> 00:32:14,690 You know what? Everyone likes Kick-Ass 475 00:32:15,922 --> 00:32:17,803 He sure does give plenty of action for the guests 476 00:32:17,804 --> 00:32:20,159 Good at gettting his Ass-Kicked. 477 00:32:20,592 --> 00:32:23,108 He should call himself Ass-Kick, instead 478 00:32:23,912 --> 00:32:25,473 That doesn't even make any sense. 479 00:32:28,387 --> 00:32:29,931 That guy's gonna end up dead that's what I think. 480 00:32:29,932 --> 00:32:31,036 Are you serious? The guy owns. 481 00:32:31,037 --> 00:32:34,745 I'd probably notify him about it if a problem needed fixing. 482 00:32:34,745 --> 00:32:38,668 What you kidding me? I have 100 guys can fix a problem. You gotta some guy in some panty-hose? 483 00:32:39,263 --> 00:32:41,353 Well, I wouldn't wanna get in the way of your business... 484 00:32:41,354 --> 00:32:42,959 where I'm not wanted. 485 00:32:44,633 --> 00:32:46,818 Please, I know you are mistaking me for Kick-Ass, but I am not Kick-Ass. 486 00:32:51,048 --> 00:32:53,060 I'm backed up right now 487 00:32:53,061 --> 00:32:54,210 your message has been sent 488 00:32:58,914 --> 00:33:01,219 Hey Dave How about that coffee? Katie X 489 00:33:05,209 --> 00:33:06,851 You don't actually read comics? 490 00:33:06,852 --> 00:33:08,063 Yeah, I just started. It got right to my system. 491 00:33:08,063 --> 00:33:12,108 It's got full graphs and shows you leads, that kind of thing. 492 00:33:12,252 --> 00:33:14,267 I'm not really into Polk superheroes or not. 493 00:33:16,313 --> 00:33:19,551 So...guess you're not gonna be lining up for that new Kick-Ass comic, then. 494 00:33:19,552 --> 00:33:20,505 I guess not. 495 00:33:21,513 --> 00:33:26,106 You know what, I was seriously thinking of e-mailing his site? I mean I could really use some help from a guy like that right now. 496 00:33:26,616 --> 00:33:28,689 Help? Really? What with? 497 00:33:29,891 --> 00:33:31,573 You know I volunteer at the needle exchange? 498 00:33:32,759 --> 00:33:33,545 No, I didn’t. 499 00:33:33,546 --> 00:33:37,132 there was this one guy, Rasul? And I just felt so sorry for him and... 500 00:33:37,133 --> 00:33:40,188 more I found out about his up bringing and stuff I just... 501 00:33:43,121 --> 00:33:44,475 Wow, that's weird 502 00:33:44,764 --> 00:33:46,662 I'm usually the one playing therapist. 503 00:33:49,548 --> 00:33:50,989 Can I make a confession? 504 00:33:52,263 --> 00:33:53,783 Ever since I was little 505 00:33:53,784 --> 00:33:56,325 I always wanted a friend... 506 00:33:56,326 --> 00:33:57,660 ....like....you. 507 00:33:58,751 --> 00:33:59,792 Is it okay to say that? 508 00:34:00,328 --> 00:34:01,711 I mean it’s not homophobic, is it? 509 00:34:03,829 --> 00:34:05,633 I mean I don't think you're all the same or anything. 510 00:34:14,851 --> 00:34:16,952 Of course not. No. 511 00:34:18,035 --> 00:34:18,931 Thank you 512 00:34:23,219 --> 00:34:26,624 I don't know if I was everything Katie had always dreamed her gay b.f.f. would be. 513 00:34:27,199 --> 00:34:28,628 But I tried my best. 514 00:34:29,244 --> 00:34:32,335 But, more importantly, I talked her into e-mailing Kick-Ass. 515 00:34:33,684 --> 00:34:34,901 Long story short, 516 00:34:35,561 --> 00:34:39,729 this particular lame duck of hers turned out to be more of a lame cobra. 517 00:34:40,328 --> 00:34:45,683 She didn’t want the money back that she'd given him, or an apology for the black eye he'd given her. 518 00:34:45,683 --> 00:34:47,887 She just wanted him to get that they were through, 519 00:34:47,887 --> 00:34:49,187 and leave her alone. 520 00:34:49,676 --> 00:34:50,910 let’s be real 521 00:34:51,504 --> 00:34:53,806 no other request could've given me more pleasure. 522 00:35:10,133 --> 00:35:12,972 Who the fuck you're supposed to be? The Greeen Condom? 523 00:35:14,736 --> 00:35:16,675 You know it ain't Halloween for another few months, kid. 524 00:35:17,306 --> 00:35:18,640 I'm here to see Rasul 525 00:35:20,774 --> 00:35:21,743 Who the fuck are you? 526 00:35:22,298 --> 00:35:25,025 I am a friend of Katie's 527 00:35:31,185 --> 00:35:32,657 Boys Do not pay attention to their appearance these days......... 528 00:35:46,891 --> 00:35:49,475 So Uhh....which one of you guys is Rasul? 529 00:35:56,273 --> 00:35:59,885 I am Rasul. Can't you tell by my big titty's? 530 00:36:03,344 --> 00:36:04,525 What is this? Trick or treat or somethin'? 531 00:36:07,036 --> 00:36:07,615 fuck 532 00:36:08,103 --> 00:36:08,892 And now I am dead 533 00:36:09,995 --> 00:36:11,726 I have a message for Rasul. 534 00:36:12,543 --> 00:36:13,706 About Katie Deauxma. 535 00:36:16,632 --> 00:36:17,246 Katie? 536 00:36:17,683 --> 00:36:18,604 Oh you're Rasul? 537 00:36:19,155 --> 00:36:20,302 Ok. 538 00:36:20,303 --> 00:36:22,016 You've gotta stay away from Katie now. 539 00:36:22,518 --> 00:36:23,234 It's over. So if you just... 540 00:36:23,703 --> 00:36:25,596 leave her alone. 541 00:36:25,597 --> 00:36:26,851 everything will be fine 542 00:36:27,340 --> 00:36:28,408 What? 543 00:36:29,953 --> 00:36:30,732 Yo Kid... 544 00:36:31,094 --> 00:36:31,846 Who the hell are you? 545 00:36:32,842 --> 00:36:33,721 What is this? 546 00:36:34,256 --> 00:36:36,716 I'm Kick-Ass. Look me up. 547 00:36:37,422 --> 00:36:39,175 And this is me giving you a message: 548 00:36:39,693 --> 00:36:41,382 leave Katie alone 549 00:36:53,708 --> 00:36:54,437 Or what? 550 00:36:59,135 --> 00:37:00,164 Or 551 00:37:00,638 --> 00:37:04,464 I'll come back and break your fucking legs. 552 00:37:09,288 --> 00:37:10,241 I'm right here now, baby 553 00:37:10,241 --> 00:37:11,343 Malcolm... 554 00:37:21,188 --> 00:37:21,725 hold him 555 00:37:28,189 --> 00:37:29,119 Heck 556 00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:30,560 You're so fuckin' dead 557 00:37:45,182 --> 00:37:47,172 Ok, you cunt 558 00:37:47,173 --> 00:37:48,941 Let see what you can do now. Eany...Meany...Miney...Mo 559 00:38:13,886 --> 00:38:14,892 what's that? 560 00:38:41,441 --> 00:38:42,875 Hey, I have one of those 561 00:39:00,235 --> 00:39:00,851 Come on 562 00:39:02,163 --> 00:39:03,179 So you wanna play 563 00:39:19,403 --> 00:39:20,741 what the fuck 564 00:39:24,032 --> 00:39:26,838 Aww dude, that is one fuckin' gay fuckin' taser. 565 00:39:29,924 --> 00:39:31,168 Relax . We're on the same team. 566 00:39:33,312 --> 00:39:33,872 Hey get Up 567 00:39:40,346 --> 00:39:43,837 Now, Hit Girl, we always keep our backs where? 568 00:39:44,340 --> 00:39:45,723 To the wall, Daddy I know. 569 00:39:47,119 --> 00:39:48,348 Um...it won't happen again 570 00:39:49,564 --> 00:39:50,524 Nice shot by the way 571 00:39:50,525 --> 00:39:51,378 Thank you 572 00:40:08,951 --> 00:40:09,529 Be careful. 573 00:40:11,596 --> 00:40:14,528 Hey, Green asshole. Can't use the front door. 574 00:40:29,083 --> 00:40:29,789 Wait, wait, wait. What? 575 00:40:33,353 --> 00:40:34,275 Who are you? 576 00:40:34,902 --> 00:40:35,712 Me? 577 00:40:36,799 --> 00:40:37,849 I'm "Hit Girl" 578 00:40:39,931 --> 00:40:41,691 and that's " Big Daddy" 579 00:40:48,203 --> 00:40:48,975 Come on 580 00:40:54,175 --> 00:40:54,876 Come on! 581 00:41:30,620 --> 00:41:31,973 "Hit Girl" and "Big Daddy" 582 00:41:32,348 --> 00:41:33,706 They were real deal. 583 00:41:36,444 --> 00:41:37,089 Me 584 00:41:38,097 --> 00:41:40,462 I was just a stupid dick in a wetsuit. 585 00:41:55,686 --> 00:41:57,167 What is this, What am I lookin' at here? 586 00:41:57,534 --> 00:42:00,432 It was Sal's phone. They found it in his hand. 587 00:42:00,883 --> 00:42:02,927 They must have taken that right before he died 588 00:42:03,336 --> 00:42:10,607 I know this sounds fucked up, Franky...but that guy in the picture...I think it's that superhero nut job from the TV. 589 00:42:10,999 --> 00:42:12,140 Who? 590 00:42:12,756 --> 00:42:13,905 Kick-Ass? 591 00:42:15,041 --> 00:42:15,838 One guy? 592 00:42:17,103 --> 00:42:19,470 Hold on. You telling me one guy killed 8 of my men tonight? 593 00:42:24,501 --> 00:42:28,017 Eight at Sal's place...4 at that kid, Rasul's. 594 00:42:29,727 --> 00:42:31,435 We have no mercenaries on the streets at all. Right. 595 00:42:31,436 --> 00:42:32,433 Made to understand? 596 00:42:35,455 --> 00:42:36,356 One Guy 597 00:42:36,889 --> 00:42:37,609 You think? 598 00:42:37,998 --> 00:42:41,216 Nah if you're right, we're gonna look like the biggest bunch of pussies in New York 599 00:42:42,422 --> 00:42:43,301 What do you want me to do? 600 00:42:44,752 --> 00:42:49,226 I want Kick-Ass' fuckin' head on a stick. And I want it now. 601 00:42:58,569 --> 00:43:00,506 I didn't say anything, to anyone, I swear! 602 00:43:00,507 --> 00:43:02,861 Good move. Ass, Kick. 603 00:43:02,862 --> 00:43:04,383 Let's keep it that way. 604 00:43:05,576 --> 00:43:06,866 You know what this is? 605 00:43:08,335 --> 00:43:11,295 All the cartridge crap that comes outta your gay little taser when you fire it. 606 00:43:11,766 --> 00:43:14,704 Do you know the police could've traced it right back to you if they'd found it? 607 00:43:15,282 --> 00:43:17,693 Lucky for you, I picked it up. 608 00:43:19,460 --> 00:43:20,164 Thank you. 609 00:43:21,603 --> 00:43:22,402 Let's call it insurance. 610 00:43:22,403 --> 00:43:25,189 Makes it easier for me to take your word. 611 00:43:25,190 --> 00:43:28,192 See, we like you. But we don't trust you. 612 00:43:29,708 --> 00:43:32,084 Don't take it personal though. We don't trust anybody. 613 00:43:32,085 --> 00:43:38,587 I re-routed your IP address. Finding you was way too easy. 614 00:43:39,169 --> 00:43:40,022 Aw Shit. Shit 615 00:43:40,404 --> 00:43:43,548 I hadn't thought - My God, I... 616 00:43:43,935 --> 00:43:44,886 I owe you 617 00:43:45,210 --> 00:43:47,940 You know what? I'm thinking of shutting my site down anyway, 618 00:43:48,340 --> 00:43:52,268 quitting. This is... fucking insane. 619 00:43:52,635 --> 00:43:54,799 I'm in way over my head. 620 00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:57,163 It's a shame. You have potential. 621 00:43:57,164 --> 00:44:00,118 Your call, son. But, y'know, we’re around if you need us. 622 00:44:01,675 --> 00:44:02,674 How do I get hold of you? 623 00:44:03,242 --> 00:44:07,114 Just contact the mayor's office. He has a special signal he shines in the sky? 624 00:44:07,684 --> 00:44:08,927 It's in the shape of a giant cock. 625 00:44:10,257 --> 00:44:12,428 You need us, put on your web site that you're on vacation. 626 00:44:12,429 --> 00:44:13,447 We'll find you. 627 00:44:13,641 --> 00:44:14,706 Hit Girl, back to headquarters 628 00:44:17,721 --> 00:44:18,557 Sweet dreams. 629 00:44:24,597 --> 00:44:25,784 I need you to get rid of Kick-Ass. 630 00:44:25,784 --> 00:44:27,279 What's up? 631 00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:28,365 What's up? 632 00:44:28,936 --> 00:44:31,598 Kick-Ass is killing my men, Gigante, that's what's up 633 00:44:32,169 --> 00:44:33,727 My condolences. 634 00:44:34,336 --> 00:44:37,472 But I'm afraid I can't help you out on this one. 635 00:44:37,473 --> 00:44:39,370 He's movin' outside my jurisdiction. 636 00:44:39,772 --> 00:44:41,187 Outside your jurisdiction? 637 00:44:41,853 --> 00:44:46,390 You're a fucking cop and he's breaking the law! That's so inside your jurisdiction it's ball-deep in your jurisdiction's ass! 638 00:44:46,942 --> 00:44:50,830 The boss pays me to nail the bad guys. You pay me not to. 639 00:44:51,404 --> 00:44:52,931 Everything else is in the grey area. 640 00:44:52,932 --> 00:44:55,169 Yeah, Fuck you very much, Vic. Just do it, okay? 641 00:44:57,255 --> 00:44:58,313 Un-fuckin'believable 642 00:45:00,168 --> 00:45:00,924 where is Cody? 643 00:45:01,736 --> 00:45:02,568 He's late 644 00:45:02,569 --> 00:45:06,637 Thank you, Cody. We appreciate your cooperation. 645 00:45:06,638 --> 00:45:07,788 Let me out now? 646 00:45:08,533 --> 00:45:09,827 I gave you all them names and address. 647 00:45:11,678 --> 00:45:15,278 Hey, I won't say nothing to nobody. You and you're crazy bitch friend can go back to where ever you once 648 00:45:15,312 --> 00:45:17,682 ... Hey c'mon now...that's a very bad thing you're doing now.. 649 00:45:17,961 --> 00:45:19,627 Really nasty individuals... 650 00:45:20,015 --> 00:45:22,591 Let me go, Hey... Do not do this 651 00:45:23,434 --> 00:45:24,325 Come on!! 652 00:45:24,358 --> 00:45:25,530 please..hey..stop!!! 653 00:45:33,456 --> 00:45:34,641 stop, please!! (Screaming) 654 00:45:48,594 --> 00:45:50,044 What a douche. 655 00:46:03,045 --> 00:46:04,612 You've done a self tan before, right? 656 00:46:06,021 --> 00:46:08,295 Yeah, I do it all the time. 657 00:46:08,994 --> 00:46:15,150 Murder. Superheroes breaking into my bedroom. My life was turning into some fucked up dream I couldn't wake up from 658 00:46:17,058 --> 00:46:19,852 Even with the good parts, were totally surreal 659 00:46:20,090 --> 00:46:23,792 Oh hey, I read those old Ditko Spider-Mans you gave me? They're actually pretty good. 660 00:46:25,105 --> 00:46:26,481 Yeah, they are. 661 00:46:28,001 --> 00:46:30,207 And it's been a whole week since I've heard from Rasul. 662 00:46:33,490 --> 00:46:35,254 That's great. 663 00:47:28,150 --> 00:47:32,761 Once upon a time, there were two super cops called Daddy and Marcus... 664 00:47:33,224 --> 00:47:35,364 who were very good at getting bad guys 665 00:47:36,984 --> 00:47:42,420 Frank Damico was the baddest guy of them all and he came up with a plan to get rid of Daddy. 666 00:47:46,347 --> 00:47:50,887 Being framed as drug dealer was the worst possible thing that could have happened to Daddy. 667 00:47:53,483 --> 00:47:56,541 Prison was not his natural habitat 668 00:47:56,966 --> 00:47:58,770 He was very upset. 669 00:48:02,193 --> 00:48:05,899 With Daddy in prison His pregnant wife was all alone. 670 00:48:07,269 --> 00:48:10,423 And could not cope. 671 00:48:11,068 --> 00:48:13,308 But all clouds have a silver lining. 672 00:48:13,735 --> 00:48:15,119 And out of her death.. 673 00:48:19,118 --> 00:48:20,526 Mindy was born 674 00:48:20,967 --> 00:48:23,097 Marcus became the child's guardian 675 00:48:23,706 --> 00:48:26,665 And Daddy started a plan of his very own. 676 00:48:28,766 --> 00:48:30,757 Five years later he left prison 677 00:48:31,119 --> 00:48:32,995 And he was ready 678 00:48:36,601 --> 00:48:39,389 Now it's time for Mindy to get ready too. 679 00:48:47,375 --> 00:48:48,609 How'd you find me Marcus? 680 00:48:49,827 --> 00:48:51,728 One of us is still a cop, remember? 681 00:49:00,762 --> 00:49:01,994 Now you brain-washed Mindy? 682 00:49:01,995 --> 00:49:04,759 You say brain-washed I say made it into a game. 683 00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:09,868 What you call this? Playing, Damon? Vigilante justice. Mass murder. C'mon, partner. 684 00:49:12,237 --> 00:49:13,221 So where is she? 685 00:49:13,877 --> 00:49:15,646 She's safe - Can I see her? - 686 00:49:17,644 --> 00:49:18,554 I miss her, 687 00:49:20,558 --> 00:49:21,487 I miss you both. 688 00:49:22,938 --> 00:49:24,279 I appreciate your concern. 689 00:49:25,272 --> 00:49:26,271 But you need to go now. 690 00:49:32,243 --> 00:49:35,490 I should warn you that asshole, Gigante, is looking for Kick-Ass. 691 00:49:35,491 --> 00:49:36,987 He got something to do with you Damon? 692 00:49:37,546 --> 00:49:40,671 You started some kinda fucked-up superhero club? 693 00:49:40,672 --> 00:49:41,813 Never heard of him 694 00:49:42,304 --> 00:49:44,113 Ok, well heads up, alright? 695 00:49:44,503 --> 00:49:48,417 You keep carrying on like you've been carrying on and it’'s only a matter of time before Gigante's looking for you. 696 00:49:49,352 --> 00:49:52,570 He's been on D'Amico’s payroll ever since you passed up the opportunity, 697 00:49:53,859 --> 00:49:55,219 You know I'm not gonna stop. 698 00:49:57,024 --> 00:50:02,581 Not 'til D'Amico and his whole damn operation are burnt to ashes. 699 00:50:03,164 --> 00:50:04,375 And buried. 700 00:50:05,858 --> 00:50:07,246 It ain't gonna bring her back, Damon. 701 00:50:08,943 --> 00:50:10,986 This is not the life for Mindy, 702 00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:15,326 You owe that kid a childhood. 703 00:50:17,192 --> 00:50:18,718 I'll tell you who owes her a childhood: 704 00:50:19,007 --> 00:50:21,722 Frank D'Amico 705 00:50:39,922 --> 00:50:41,252 Holy shit 706 00:50:43,823 --> 00:50:45,918 I don't fuckin' believe it. 707 00:50:49,215 --> 00:50:50,478 Follow him. Around the corner. 708 00:50:51,828 --> 00:50:52,623 Not too fast 709 00:50:56,357 --> 00:50:57,447 He's doing the high fives. 710 00:50:58,384 --> 00:51:00,213 I'll give 'em a motherfuckin' high five. 711 00:51:00,214 --> 00:51:01,214 High five and bullshit 712 00:51:01,619 --> 00:51:03,666 Keep going, keep going. 713 00:51:05,507 --> 00:51:06,596 Not too close 714 00:51:11,554 --> 00:51:12,718 He's going into the alley 715 00:51:13,589 --> 00:51:15,157 He's going to the alley 716 00:51:15,629 --> 00:51:18,164 Okay, when I tell you stop the car. 717 00:51:18,700 --> 00:51:19,618 Ready? 718 00:51:23,219 --> 00:51:24,998 Hey Kick-Ass 719 00:51:25,749 --> 00:51:26,570 Hi ya doin'? 720 00:51:29,047 --> 00:51:30,133 Kill my men, huh?! 721 00:51:30,134 --> 00:51:32,022 Take my fucking coke?! 722 00:51:33,897 --> 00:51:34,576 What are you doing? 723 00:51:34,577 --> 00:51:36,030 Let us go, come on 724 00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:39,078 Come on, Frank, he had enough, Come on. 725 00:51:40,780 --> 00:51:42,360 What the fuck are you looking at? Huh? 726 00:51:56,759 --> 00:51:58,688 Come on, let's go Come on 727 00:52:08,425 --> 00:52:09,633 He was so young 728 00:52:09,633 --> 00:52:14,367 Who would get to die that way? I just can't believe he's dead that's all 729 00:52:16,617 --> 00:52:17,599 Oh, I know. 730 00:52:18,003 --> 00:52:19,291 Listen Katie, 731 00:52:19,636 --> 00:52:23,851 guys like Rasul... They get mixed up in stuff, and... 732 00:52:23,852 --> 00:52:26,656 I know, but what if it was my fault? 733 00:52:27,137 --> 00:52:30,102 What if Kick-Ass did it? I mean I feel like should call cops or something 734 00:52:30,102 --> 00:52:32,012 you're talking crazy! 735 00:52:32,013 --> 00:52:34,778 there's no way! He probably didn't even read your e-mail yet. 736 00:52:35,222 --> 00:52:37,039 Yeah? - There's nothing to worry about - 737 00:52:39,247 --> 00:52:40,647 I'm so glad you're here 738 00:52:41,001 --> 00:52:42,452 I look like such a mess 739 00:52:43,036 --> 00:52:44,070 You look Okay. 740 00:52:44,397 --> 00:52:45,453 I'm here 741 00:52:46,423 --> 00:52:47,367 Yeah I'm Okay. 742 00:52:48,905 --> 00:52:50,977 I hope it's Okay to say this, but 743 00:52:51,586 --> 00:52:53,580 It so sucks that you're gay. 744 00:52:56,075 --> 00:52:59,230 I don't fuckin' believe this 745 00:53:01,758 --> 00:53:04,748 What kind of children's fuckin' entertainer is that? Huh? 746 00:53:06,615 --> 00:53:11,690 What kind of kid has a Spider-Man party sure. But a fuckin' Kick-Ass Party? 747 00:53:12,162 --> 00:53:14,305 What are they're selling paper plates and napkins down at the store, now? 748 00:53:14,306 --> 00:53:15,736 Frank, You're scarin' me 749 00:53:15,737 --> 00:53:20,643 You're losin' it. Since when did you start getting your hands dirty again, huh? And in public. 750 00:53:20,684 --> 00:53:23,774 Since when I asked you Fucks to deliver me Kick-Ass and you don't deliver that's when. 751 00:53:23,774 --> 00:53:25,448 Hey give me a break it's been a week. 752 00:53:25,449 --> 00:53:28,908 We e-mailed him. We got half the crew doing petty crimes as bait 753 00:53:28,909 --> 00:53:30,406 We're bustin' our asses here. 754 00:53:31,777 --> 00:53:32,704 What hell are you doing? 755 00:53:33,871 --> 00:53:35,387 You back on the Powder now, as well? 756 00:53:35,388 --> 00:53:39,560 (In child-like voice) Mommy, I want Kick-Ass party. Dumb little fuck. 757 00:53:40,207 --> 00:53:41,913 I know a way you could get him. 758 00:53:42,188 --> 00:53:43,603 Aww shit. Chris 759 00:53:43,605 --> 00:53:44,682 How long you been there? 760 00:53:44,683 --> 00:53:45,877 What the hell you doin'? Get the hell out! 761 00:53:45,877 --> 00:53:47,307 You wanna hear it or not? 762 00:53:48,326 --> 00:53:49,126 Hear what? 763 00:53:49,127 --> 00:53:55,179 Okay, look: you're a superhero and you're lonely but you can't trust anyone because either they'll expose your secret identity.... 764 00:53:55,180 --> 00:53:57,677 Comic books, this kids reads, all fucking day long. 765 00:53:57,678 --> 00:54:00,830 Point is, there's only one way a superhero would trust a stranger and... 766 00:54:01,336 --> 00:54:03,888 I could be that stranger. You just gotta give me a chance. 767 00:54:04,379 --> 00:54:06,419 I know I can do it. I just need a few things. 768 00:54:08,664 --> 00:54:09,399 Like what? 769 00:54:11,579 --> 00:54:12,975 I need these things. 770 00:54:17,340 --> 00:54:18,170 What, you fucking kidding me? 771 00:54:18,171 --> 00:54:19,224 What the hell is this? 772 00:54:19,033 --> 00:54:20,458 It's everything I need. 773 00:54:20,459 --> 00:54:23,089 And you might have to screw somebody over Like, Louie, or somebody. 774 00:54:23,090 --> 00:54:24,542 Louie?! Oh whoa, hey, Chris 775 00:54:24,543 --> 00:54:26,102 Or somebody, it doesn't have to be Louie. 776 00:54:26,839 --> 00:54:28,221 -Tony -Tony 777 00:54:28,757 --> 00:54:29,568 Tony? 778 00:54:29,569 --> 00:54:31,691 I hate Tony - Hey, fuck Tony he's a scum bag - 779 00:54:32,151 --> 00:54:34,820 I swear, dad. If you let me do this, it's gonna work. 780 00:54:40,012 --> 00:54:40,774 Tony 781 00:54:41,185 --> 00:54:45,814 Tony Romita, one of America's most wanted crime king-pins was arrested in Queens today. 782 00:54:45,815 --> 00:54:49,263 after a 911 cal from someone claiming to be a superhero 783 00:54:49,263 --> 00:54:51,092 So how are things going with Katie? 784 00:54:52,442 --> 00:54:57,850 Oh, just peachy. Had a sleep over and spent the whole night watching the entire Ugly Betty box set 785 00:54:57,851 --> 00:54:59,314 and did pedicures. 786 00:54:59,536 --> 00:55:02,663 I'm telling you, though the longer you wait, the worse it's gonna get. 787 00:55:02,664 --> 00:55:03,765 I know. 788 00:55:04,149 --> 00:55:06,862 I was gonna tell her. She just seems so... happy. 789 00:55:06,862 --> 00:55:08,888 I don't know whens the right time. Well, now's your chance. 790 00:55:10,334 --> 00:55:11,207 She seems happy - Hey guys - 791 00:55:13,116 --> 00:55:14,921 Hi 792 00:55:14,922 --> 00:55:18,309 Oh, did you watch the TV? The new superhero guy? How cool was that? 793 00:55:19,065 --> 00:55:19,536 What? 794 00:55:19,537 --> 00:55:21,820 Oooh look. Can you turm it up please? 795 00:55:21,821 --> 00:55:22,995 Check this out. 796 00:55:23,413 --> 00:55:27,751 But it seems that far from being put-off, this individual, who calls himself Red Mist, 797 00:55:27,752 --> 00:55:31,653 has decided to take crime fighting to a new level, as his actions last night proved. 798 00:55:32,121 --> 00:55:33,118 Red Mist, how do you see it? 799 00:55:33,119 --> 00:55:39,184 Well, I guess folks have just had enough of living in fear, you know, and uh... Kick-Ass really proved that one individual can make a difference. 800 00:55:39,185 --> 00:55:42,431 So, If anyone out there needs help, I'm gonna be fighting crime twentyfive/eight. 801 00:55:42,432 --> 00:55:45,039 And I'm just one click away. RedMist.org. 802 00:55:46,085 --> 00:55:47,934 Can you turn that off now? 803 00:55:48,931 --> 00:55:50,496 What's so special about that guy? 804 00:55:51,035 --> 00:55:53,401 He caught, like, a drug dealer Some most-wanted guy 805 00:55:53,402 --> 00:55:56,307 He saw 'em bringing out, like, a ton of stuff, -That's Pretty cool. 806 00:55:57,480 --> 00:55:59,602 Yeah. way better costume than Kickass, too. 807 00:55:59,603 --> 00:56:01,055 He's gotta cape- Yeah - 808 00:56:01,056 --> 00:56:02,133 Capes rock- Yeah - 809 00:56:02,134 --> 00:56:04,290 I'm kinda feelin' the cape. Looks good. 810 00:56:05,269 --> 00:56:07,324 What, better than Kick-Ass? 811 00:56:07,972 --> 00:56:10,961 I mean they're both kinda hot I just think that Red Mist has a better body. 812 00:56:11,326 --> 00:56:12,314 Don't you think, Dave? 813 00:56:14,184 --> 00:56:19,169 Yeah Dave what do you think? Is that the kind of guy you'd go for? With all that leather? 814 00:56:20,656 --> 00:56:21,667 No, not me. 815 00:56:22,357 --> 00:56:23,426 No, he's not really my type 816 00:57:15,622 --> 00:57:16,426 Kick Ass 817 00:57:17,781 --> 00:57:18,521 Red Mist 818 00:57:20,070 --> 00:57:20,635 Oh shit 819 00:57:20,636 --> 00:57:21,966 Fuck me, that kinda hurt. 820 00:57:23,479 --> 00:57:24,285 You OK? 821 00:57:24,286 --> 00:57:25,486 Yeah, no I'm cool 822 00:57:25,828 --> 00:57:29,100 I can't believe you're here, man. like you’re my hero. 823 00:57:29,411 --> 00:57:32,390 You... inspired me. No Kick-Ass, no Red Mist. 824 00:57:32,390 --> 00:57:34,420 Seriously. 825 00:57:34,421 --> 00:57:35,421 Wow. 826 00:57:34,627 --> 00:57:35,684 Really? 827 00:57:35,685 --> 00:57:40,944 Straight up. And listen if you.. I dunno know... if you wanted me to be your sidekick or something like that..... 828 00:57:41,288 --> 00:57:43,007 You wanna be... my sidekick? 829 00:57:43,008 --> 00:57:44,141 Yeah, man 830 00:57:44,141 --> 00:57:48,448 you and me together, we would own. You wanna go fight some crime? 831 00:57:49,490 --> 00:57:50,544 Oh...I mean like right now? 832 00:57:51,281 --> 00:57:52,860 Yeah man, come on, I got something I wanna show you 833 00:57:54,651 --> 00:57:56,423 Uh.. I mean like...to be honest with you, 834 00:57:56,424 --> 00:57:58,590 I never fight crime between, like nine and two on weekdays, 835 00:57:59,283 --> 00:58:00,775 so I really need to get back pretty soon. 836 00:58:05,418 --> 00:58:06,721 Sweet!! 837 00:58:09,231 --> 00:58:09,965 This yours? 838 00:58:09,966 --> 00:58:11,872 Meet the Mistmobile. 839 00:58:20,921 --> 00:58:25,057 Set-nav. Got my iPhone so I can check the website for emergencies while I'm driving around. 840 00:58:25,706 --> 00:58:26,661 Movin' up. 841 00:58:26,662 --> 00:58:28,053 Mood lighting right there 842 00:58:28,459 --> 00:58:30,612 Rear view cameras , no big deal. 843 00:58:31,156 --> 00:58:32,379 Check this. You're gonna fuckin' love this. 844 00:58:37,103 --> 00:58:38,316 The Mist. 845 00:58:38,317 --> 00:58:39,317 (Cheering) 846 00:58:43,183 --> 00:58:45,267 Hey!- Yep. That's right. You wish you could be us. They love us. 847 00:58:50,219 --> 00:58:51,037 Smoke? 848 00:58:51,038 --> 00:58:52,038 Nuh-uh. 849 00:58:52,698 --> 00:58:55,118 Yeah, well "Weed" takes the edge off things when I'm patrol..ya know. 850 00:58:55,119 --> 00:58:57,454 Runnin' up against a crowd can get kinda scary, don’t you thimk? 851 00:59:00,640 --> 00:59:01,351 Something wrong? 852 00:59:03,027 --> 00:59:06,282 You're so not how I expected 853 00:59:12,409 --> 00:59:16,804 Oh, I got e-mail from this chick, she said this guy's been following her home from work. 854 00:59:17,375 --> 00:59:18,675 I've got her address and stuff. You wanna check it out? 855 00:59:20,316 --> 00:59:21,321 Sure, why not? 856 00:59:21,605 --> 00:59:22,681 Cool 857 00:59:29,690 --> 00:59:31,608 So this chick was totally naked, right? 858 00:59:31,955 --> 00:59:34,343 So I tell her to sit in my lap and talk about the first thing that comes up. 859 00:59:34,344 --> 00:59:35,344 (Chuckling) 860 00:59:45,131 --> 00:59:46,702 Yep. Let's get the front he's on his way. 861 00:59:47,527 --> 00:59:48,515 Very good. 862 00:59:48,880 --> 00:59:50,399 Don't kill him 'til I get there. 863 00:59:50,661 --> 00:59:51,524 Right 864 00:59:57,552 --> 00:59:59,592 Looks like reading all them comics paid off, huh? 865 00:59:59,984 --> 01:00:01,764 Your boy did good, Frankie. 866 01:00:04,295 --> 01:00:05,863 He's his father's son. 867 01:00:05,864 --> 01:00:15,664 (C'mon now...who do you..who do you..who do you..who do you think you are?.... ha, ha, ha.. bless your soul) 868 01:00:17,235 --> 01:00:18,080 I forget 869 01:00:25,281 --> 01:00:43,281 (I think your crazy...I think your crazy...I think your crazy...just like you) 870 01:00:48,769 --> 01:00:50,138 What... the... fuck???? 871 01:00:54,097 --> 01:00:55,224 shit 872 01:00:56,917 --> 01:00:58,025 Hey! What are you doing? 873 01:00:58,026 --> 01:00:59,384 There are people in there! 874 01:00:59,386 --> 01:01:02,095 Shouldn't we just call the Fire... 875 01:01:03,884 --> 01:01:07,139 Shit! 876 01:01:13,280 --> 01:01:13,610 Mike! 877 01:01:22,070 --> 01:01:22,914 Oh shit. 878 01:01:27,398 --> 01:01:28,314 Red Mist! 879 01:01:40,502 --> 01:01:42,144 Red Mist...can you hear me?!! 880 01:01:55,344 --> 01:01:56,085 Red Mist! 881 01:02:33,577 --> 01:02:35,041 We've gotta get the hell out of here!! 882 01:02:35,829 --> 01:02:40,478 Just move your fucking ass!! 883 01:02:56,260 --> 01:02:57,526 Shit!! 884 01:02:57,928 --> 01:02:58,798 Did you see those bodies? 885 01:02:58,804 --> 01:02:59,062 Yeah, man. 886 01:03:01,170 --> 01:03:03,982 Why'd you save the teddy...? 887 01:03:04,058 --> 01:03:05,773 What? 888 01:03:06,280 --> 01:03:07,427 I don't know, man. Come on. 889 01:03:20,982 --> 01:03:21,502 come 890 01:03:22,779 --> 01:03:26,201 What the hell are you doin' Frank? You know I can't be here. What if somebody saw... 891 01:03:26,202 --> 01:03:30,030 That little motherfucker, Kick-Ass, burned down my warehouse and killed my men, Gigante. 892 01:03:30,031 --> 01:03:32,100 Whoa...wait,wait, slow down. Kick-Ass? 893 01:03:32,101 --> 01:03:34,172 You sure? - You gotta help me, Vic - 894 01:03:34,173 --> 01:03:36,269 My son was there and he's still missing 895 01:03:37,433 --> 01:03:41,297 They're all dead!! Everbody in the warehouse is dead!! 896 01:03:41,790 --> 01:03:44,650 Put the gun down, Vic, it's Chris! 897 01:03:44,962 --> 01:03:46,642 Chris is Red Mist?! 898 01:03:46,643 --> 01:03:49,358 It's not Red Mist you gotta worry about, it's Kickass! 899 01:03:49,359 --> 01:03:51,684 No it's not. Kick-Ass is just some geek! 900 01:03:52,061 --> 01:03:53,186 You don't have to worry about him 901 01:03:53,473 --> 01:03:54,579 You need to watch this! 902 01:03:57,178 --> 01:03:57,950 Why? What does it do? 903 01:03:57,950 --> 01:03:59,136 You're fucking kidding me 904 01:03:59,136 --> 01:04:01,524 What? - Goddamit, just sit down - 905 01:04:07,144 --> 01:04:08,440 What are you doing? What the hell is that thing? 906 01:04:08,715 --> 01:04:11,795 You bought this to spy on the nanny when I was a kid, don't you remember? 907 01:04:12,613 --> 01:04:13,831 Why? You put it in the warehouse? 908 01:04:13,974 --> 01:04:17,087 Yeah. I thought it'd be cool to put the unmasking of Kick-Ass on the Internet, okay? 909 01:04:18,332 --> 01:04:18,985 Watch. 910 01:04:30,633 --> 01:04:32,711 "Let's get the front he's on his way" 911 01:05:49,115 --> 01:05:50,130 Who the hell is this guy? 912 01:05:51,260 --> 01:05:52,175 I don't know, Dad 913 01:05:53,169 --> 01:05:57,622 But, Kick-Ass told me we're not the only super heroes in town. Maybe he knows who this guy is. 914 01:05:59,797 --> 01:06:01,390 I want this place locked down. 915 01:06:02,519 --> 01:06:04,915 Nobody comes in, nobody goes out 916 01:06:05,004 --> 01:06:10,635 Not until somebody finds this cocksucker and blows his fuckin' lungs out through his chest. 917 01:06:14,792 --> 01:06:19,538 They're on to you. did you hear me? They're on to you 918 01:06:19,539 --> 01:06:21,258 I thought they were looking for Kick-Ass? 919 01:06:21,573 --> 01:06:26,230 Not anymore. Gigante just put on a little movie show for us. Different Superhero. 920 01:06:26,230 --> 01:06:30,660 In a warehouse killing a whole bunch of D'Amico's guys. 921 01:06:30,297 --> 01:06:31,949 I'm gonna take a wild guess that was you? 922 01:06:33,215 --> 01:06:35,132 -I killed all the cameras. -Apparently not. 923 01:06:35,685 --> 01:06:38,516 Look bro, you need to get ghost. Hide yourself quick. 924 01:06:39,011 --> 01:06:40,182 Appreciate it. 925 01:06:44,556 --> 01:06:45,345 Mindy 926 01:06:46,587 --> 01:06:47,993 No more homework, baby doll 927 01:06:49,012 --> 01:06:51,424 It's time for Frank D'Amico to go bye-bye. 928 01:06:59,265 --> 01:07:01,773 X-Men, Fantastic 4 929 01:07:02,237 --> 01:07:04,344 Right now I can't beat the crap out of them. 930 01:07:05,119 --> 01:07:06,695 Everything was out of control 931 01:07:06,937 --> 01:07:08,766 I didn't know what the hell to do 932 01:07:09,046 --> 01:07:10,334 You OK, Dave? 933 01:07:10,552 --> 01:07:11,771 You look tired 934 01:07:12,264 --> 01:07:13,455 Gonna have an early night tonight, maybe? 935 01:07:13,456 --> 01:07:15,388 And there was no one I could talk to about it 936 01:07:15,820 --> 01:07:16,781 Hello 937 01:07:17,010 --> 01:07:18,981 Yeah...alright, bro. 938 01:07:21,596 --> 01:07:23,008 I never felt more alone 939 01:07:26,953 --> 01:07:29,035 I've always dreamed of being a super hero 940 01:07:29,401 --> 01:07:32,022 But this...was a nightmare 941 01:07:36,508 --> 01:07:39,149 It was time to stop wearing this stupid costume 942 01:07:42,872 --> 01:07:45,217 But there was one last thing I needed it for 943 01:07:47,852 --> 01:07:50,867 What's the difference between Spider-Man and Peter Parker ? 944 01:07:52,185 --> 01:07:54,366 Spider-Man gets the girl 945 01:08:01,629 --> 01:08:03,174 (Faintly from noise of blowdryer) Hey-I'm Kick-Ass! 946 01:08:08,483 --> 01:08:09,261 I'm Kick Ass 947 01:08:09,877 --> 01:08:10,759 You e-mailed me. (Screams) 948 01:08:10,760 --> 01:08:11,760 Please... (Screams in pain) 949 01:08:13,570 --> 01:08:14,457 Oh...Fuck!!!! 950 01:08:15,006 --> 01:08:15,683 Oh Fuck!!!! 951 01:08:15,684 --> 01:08:17,474 Fuckin' freak in a mask-fuck!! 952 01:08:17,734 --> 01:08:18,750 Get out of my house 953 01:08:18,930 --> 01:08:19,988 I'm not gonna hurt you, alright! 954 01:08:20,822 --> 01:08:22,518 No, no, it's me 955 01:08:22,519 --> 01:08:25,440 I was only trying to surprise you - Dave??!! 956 01:08:25,441 --> 01:08:27,138 Sorry - What the fuck are you doing?!! 957 01:08:27,661 --> 01:08:28,742 Why are you dressed as Kick-Ass? 958 01:08:28,743 --> 01:08:30,429 Because I am Kick-Ass. 959 01:08:30,430 --> 01:08:31,866 What are you talking about? 960 01:08:31,886 --> 01:08:34,155 And I'm also not gay. 961 01:08:35,258 --> 01:08:35,979 Fuck!!! 962 01:08:35,980 --> 01:08:38,871 And I know I've been an idiot, and a shit friend, I lied to you , I know 963 01:08:38,871 --> 01:08:40,366 Oh my God! - 964 01:08:40,367 --> 01:08:43,433 I know and if it makes you feel any better, I don't think you could hate me any more right now 965 01:08:44,059 --> 01:08:45,142 I hate myself. 966 01:08:46,692 --> 01:08:48,172 Please I'm ... 967 01:08:49,108 --> 01:08:51,298 Look, I'm really really sorry 968 01:08:53,040 --> 01:08:57,163 I've never met anybody who was as beautiful and as kind, 969 01:08:57,608 --> 01:08:59,257 and... lovely as you. 970 01:09:02,758 --> 01:09:03,618 You deserve better. 971 01:09:22,270 --> 01:09:23,069 Dave 972 01:09:23,382 --> 01:09:24,249 Yes 973 01:09:25,633 --> 01:09:29,188 My mom has the burglar alarm set downstairs. You should probably use the window. 974 01:09:35,455 --> 01:09:36,189 Or 975 01:09:40,729 --> 01:09:42,464 You could just stay. 976 01:09:43,852 --> 01:09:44,862 stay? 977 01:09:46,245 --> 01:09:47,810 Like when we have a sleepover? 978 01:09:54,645 --> 01:09:56,491 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you 979 01:10:28,085 --> 01:10:33,666 We gotta get over the top of it and then into it right in the middle of her. 980 01:10:33,667 --> 01:10:35,130 Daddy, I think I found one. 981 01:10:35,540 --> 01:10:38,165 It's perfect. And they can deliver it in three days... 982 01:10:41,224 --> 01:10:42,410 And it's three hundred thousand dollars. 983 01:10:42,411 --> 01:10:46,783 Can you think of anything else you'd rather spend it on? Oh my Gosh 984 01:10:47,265 --> 01:10:49,234 that is cool! 985 01:10:49,598 --> 01:10:50,525 Yeah. 986 01:10:51,406 --> 01:10:52,354 Add to shopping cart 987 01:10:53,492 --> 01:10:54,079 OK 988 01:10:57,068 --> 01:10:59,813 Out of Kickass and Red Mist, who do you think would win in a fight? 989 01:11:00,189 --> 01:11:02,286 Why are they fighting? That seems stupid 990 01:11:03,481 --> 01:11:04,254 What do you think? 991 01:11:04,255 --> 01:11:06,317 I don't know. But I think Kick-Ass is cuter. 992 01:11:06,818 --> 01:11:07,802 Really? 993 01:11:09,242 --> 01:11:12,257 I, for one, would definitely fuck his brains out if I got the chance. 994 01:11:14,779 --> 01:11:15,586 You would? 995 01:11:15,587 --> 01:11:16,945 Definitely. 996 01:11:18,917 --> 01:11:20,581 Do you... uh, feel like checking out that new Kate Hudson movie where... 997 01:11:20,581 --> 01:11:22,313 she's like a shoe designer kind of guy? 998 01:11:22,313 --> 01:11:24,176 I think we can make the next showing if we leave... 999 01:11:24,176 --> 01:11:24,517 Hell yeah. 1000 01:11:27,993 --> 01:11:29,048 I guess we're not invited 1001 01:11:30,418 --> 01:11:31,928 Alright..you know what, come here 1002 01:11:32,301 --> 01:11:34,436 I'm going to request a great meal for you right now 1003 01:11:35,639 --> 01:11:38,852 Suddenly, I understood why super heroes only exist in the comics 1004 01:11:39,689 --> 01:11:42,216 I doubt why people didn't risk their life for strangers 1005 01:11:42,500 --> 01:11:45,063 because, for the first time in my life 1006 01:11:45,064 --> 01:11:46,640 I had something to worth living for 1007 01:11:47,614 --> 01:11:48,889 Something to lose 1008 01:11:51,099 --> 01:11:52,689 Katie was worried about me getting hurt, 1009 01:11:53,226 --> 01:11:55,397 so I promised her my Kick-Ass days were over. 1010 01:11:55,398 --> 01:11:57,105 And the truth was, 1011 01:11:57,608 --> 01:11:58,729 I hardly missed it at all. 1012 01:11:59,082 --> 01:12:01,999 I hadn't even checked the web site for, like, a week. 1013 01:12:05,345 --> 01:12:06,672 Ok ...I'm off then. 1014 01:12:08,213 --> 01:12:08,879 No Katie tonight? 1015 01:12:09,809 --> 01:12:12,629 Tomorrow. Wednesdays she does one of her volunteer things. 1016 01:12:14,042 --> 01:12:15,626 You seem like a different guy, you know that? 1017 01:12:16,776 --> 01:12:19,105 Your mom would've been so happy to see you out of your shell like this. 1018 01:12:20,560 --> 01:12:21,491 Have a good night 1019 01:12:32,540 --> 01:12:34,374 Hey, baby - Hi, what's going on? - 1020 01:12:35,570 --> 01:12:37,157 I gotta do that Kick-Ass thing 1021 01:12:37,158 --> 01:12:38,025 What? 1022 01:12:38,264 --> 01:12:39,442 I thought you were done with that? 1023 01:12:39,692 --> 01:12:41,788 This is the last time. I totally swear... 1024 01:12:43,209 --> 01:12:44,345 I worry about you 1025 01:12:46,103 --> 01:12:47,213 I wish you wouldn’t worry. 1026 01:12:47,478 --> 01:12:49,781 I can't help it. I do. Because I... 1027 01:12:51,432 --> 01:12:53,046 I...care about you a lot. 1028 01:12:56,831 --> 01:12:58,163 I... care about you a lot, too. 1029 01:13:28,007 --> 01:13:31,766 This better be serious, Dude, because I promised my girlfriend that I'm done with all this shit. 1030 01:13:31,767 --> 01:13:34,381 How about both of us being dead? Is that serious enough for you? 1031 01:13:34,878 --> 01:13:35,684 Dead? 1032 01:13:36,704 --> 01:13:37,430 How? 1033 01:13:37,431 --> 01:13:42,499 Well it turns out those dead guys from the warehouse had some bad motherfuckers for friends and they think we did that shit. 1034 01:13:42,499 --> 01:13:44,290 There's a price on our heads, man. 1035 01:13:44,777 --> 01:13:47,150 A price on our heads? What is this, the wild west? 1036 01:13:47,150 --> 01:13:52,683 I'm not messing with you, dude!! They found out where I lived!! They trashed my placed!!! I'm fucking screwed!!! And you're gonna be next, Okay?!!!! 1037 01:13:52,683 --> 01:13:53,726 Alright. 1038 01:13:56,767 --> 01:13:58,015 Shit 1039 01:13:59,527 --> 01:14:00,394 What do we do? 1040 01:14:03,787 --> 01:14:06,403 Remember you mentioned that there were other super heroes 1041 01:14:06,820 --> 01:14:07,739 Yeah. 1042 01:14:08,717 --> 01:14:09,842 Well, do you think they can help us? 1043 01:14:19,366 --> 01:14:21,326 Hot chocolate, extra Marsh-mellows. 1044 01:14:24,106 --> 01:14:26,929 Wow it's even cooler than in the picture 1045 01:14:28,026 --> 01:14:28,884 child 1046 01:14:29,492 --> 01:14:32,561 you know because in the picture it didn't have Gatling guns 1047 01:14:32,562 --> 01:14:33,232 Nice job. 1048 01:14:34,425 --> 01:14:35,398 I'm gonna get ready for bed, Okay? 1049 01:14:35,399 --> 01:14:36,252 Okay baby doll. 1050 01:14:37,103 --> 01:14:38,372 Sleep tight - Thanks - (Beeper) 1051 01:14:39,484 --> 01:14:40,283 Kick-Ass? 1052 01:14:41,472 --> 01:14:43,960 You go get dressed I'l tell him to meet us at safehouse B 1053 01:14:44,219 --> 01:14:45,682 We'll have our hot-chocolate when we get back.- Okay daddy. 1054 01:14:46,518 --> 01:14:47,152 C'mon. 1055 01:14:57,043 --> 01:14:58,362 No..no 1056 01:14:59,135 --> 01:14:59,896 I got it. 1057 01:14:59,897 --> 01:15:01,055 I'll just put it in the GPS 1058 01:15:02,078 --> 01:15:03,103 Alright, let's go 1059 01:15:05,040 --> 01:15:05,631 Shit 1060 01:16:46,246 --> 01:16:47,652 Well 1061 01:16:47,653 --> 01:16:50,741 here you are, and Red Mist, too. 1062 01:16:56,607 --> 01:16:58,113 Pleasure to meet you. 1063 01:16:58,114 --> 01:16:59,282 Good to meet you sir. 1064 01:16:59,398 --> 01:17:00,722 Please, come in 1065 01:17:01,749 --> 01:17:02,397 After you 1066 01:17:06,055 --> 01:17:07,809 Hit Girl , manners..honey. 1067 01:17:10,596 --> 01:17:11,577 Hi, I'm Hit Girl 1068 01:17:13,445 --> 01:17:14,928 No!!!!! 1069 01:17:22,624 --> 01:17:24,390 Hey he's with me, he's O.K.! Shut the fuck up, kid!!! 1070 01:17:24,391 --> 01:17:27,007 Your daddy's the boss!! You don't order shit!! 1071 01:17:27,008 --> 01:17:27,770 Shit! No!.......... 1072 01:17:28,355 --> 01:17:29,573 He's with me!!!!.......... 1073 01:17:29,848 --> 01:17:31,145 Let him go!!!......... 1074 01:17:31,378 --> 01:17:33,005 Get outta here, get the fuck outta here 1075 01:17:33,489 --> 01:17:35,120 Hotdamn, I always wanted one of these.......... 1076 01:17:35,121 --> 01:17:35,972 Seriously you're gonna take that? - Yes - 1077 01:17:42,552 --> 01:17:44,103 You know what being a super hero actually costs? You happen to be in a lot of trouble here. 1078 01:17:45,094 --> 01:17:51,070 Kick-Ass!!- Get em outta here!!- 1079 01:17:51,293 --> 01:17:52,533 Kick Ass I'm sorry 1080 01:17:54,565 --> 01:17:55,259 Get in there 1081 01:18:08,012 --> 01:18:09,266 You better fire this asshole!! 1082 01:18:10,258 --> 01:18:11,021 Ignore him. 1083 01:18:12,176 --> 01:18:13,662 A Bazooka? 1084 01:18:16,282 --> 01:18:17,126 OK 1085 01:18:17,543 --> 01:18:20,989 We had a deal, dad. We had a fucking deal that would get you the guy who did it. 1086 01:18:20,991 --> 01:18:24,265 All I'm asking is you let Kick-Ass go! He didn't do anything wrong! 1087 01:18:24,553 --> 01:18:26,827 Chris, you gotta look at this from my point of view, Okay? 1088 01:18:28,242 --> 01:18:30,959 I gotta send a public service message to the people out there 1089 01:18:31,226 --> 01:18:33,714 that being a superhero is bad for your health. 1090 01:18:33,715 --> 01:18:36,343 And the big motherfucker? Nobody knows who he is. 1091 01:18:36,344 --> 01:18:37,434 Yeah, but that's not fair! 1092 01:18:37,434 --> 01:18:39,061 Life's not fair, kid. Get over it. 1093 01:18:39,559 --> 01:18:40,744 What are you gonna do with them? 1094 01:18:42,063 --> 01:18:44,194 You really want to be a part of my business? 1095 01:18:47,122 --> 01:18:47,838 Yeah. 1096 01:18:47,839 --> 01:18:49,886 Then sit down, shut up 1097 01:18:50,318 --> 01:18:51,218 and watch. 1098 01:18:59,717 --> 01:19:00,880 Frank , we're ready 1099 01:19:02,059 --> 01:19:02,836 Enjoy the show 1100 01:19:02,837 --> 01:19:04,017 You patched-up with this thing? 1101 01:19:04,017 --> 01:19:05,702 I sure am big brother. 1102 01:19:06,026 --> 01:19:07,140 Watch and learn 1103 01:19:07,392 --> 01:19:13,082 Welcome back to breaking news a world wide web broadcast of the New York superhero who calls himself Kick-Ass. 1104 01:19:13,083 --> 01:19:20,366 is about to be shown live. Rumors have it that this will be Kick-Ass' farewell appearance that he will announce his retirement from crime fighting 1105 01:19:20,662 --> 01:19:27,503 but as word-of-mouth continues to spread, internet providers are predicting that it could be one of the most widely viewed live events in web history. 1106 01:19:28,684 --> 01:19:30,041 Hey, where's Dave ? 1107 01:19:31,410 --> 01:19:33,523 Hey have you guys noticed - He's with Katie... 1108 01:19:34,165 --> 01:19:35,148 obviously. 1109 01:19:35,656 --> 01:19:37,304 Why else would I be here? 1110 01:19:38,046 --> 01:19:40,784 With no idea as to who is behind the broadcast of this show 1111 01:19:41,105 --> 01:19:44,587 But we could see wide spread server crashes 1112 01:19:44,588 --> 01:19:47,538 Dave, why didn't you tell this is what you were doing. You're on the news. 1113 01:19:47,984 --> 01:19:48,687 Call me 1114 01:19:48,688 --> 01:19:51,615 We go now over live to the countdown clock as we are moments away. 1115 01:20:03,735 --> 01:20:04,403 Showtime 1116 01:20:07,015 --> 01:20:13,010 Hello boys and girls, now this...uh... well you know who this guy is. 1117 01:20:13,763 --> 01:20:15,992 And...uh...this guy here is Big Daddy 1118 01:20:16,802 --> 01:20:18,782 And these are my friends. 1119 01:20:18,783 --> 01:20:20,073 Come on in guys say hello 1120 01:20:20,931 --> 01:20:21,631 Yeah. 1121 01:20:21,806 --> 01:20:23,733 Yeah there they are Hello, Hello 1122 01:20:24,263 --> 01:20:26,532 Now Big Daddy and Kick-Ass 1123 01:20:26,533 --> 01:20:31,826 are gonna help us show you why being a hero is a bad idea. 1124 01:20:32,138 --> 01:20:33,877 You know what a silent "K" is? 1125 01:20:34,458 --> 01:20:37,458 That's when "K" is at the beginning of the but you don't pronounce it 1126 01:20:37,459 --> 01:20:39,153 like in the word knuckle duster 1127 01:20:39,154 --> 01:20:40,929 Show them what knuckle duster can do, Guy. 1128 01:20:40,930 --> 01:20:43,030 Oh that must've hurt. 1129 01:20:43,153 --> 01:20:44,592 Let's see that again on the other side, go. 1130 01:20:45,269 --> 01:20:46,780 Oh Yeah, look at this 1131 01:20:47,101 --> 01:20:50,071 Now in France they say the word stick like this... 1132 01:20:50,072 --> 01:20:51,459 Ba-ton 1133 01:20:51,460 --> 01:20:54,278 We have some of Kick-Ass' batons. We're gonna show you what they can do. 1134 01:20:54,279 --> 01:20:55,391 Go ahead boys. 1135 01:20:59,207 --> 01:21:00,766 In America we say stick like this... 1136 01:21:01,145 --> 01:21:02,547 Baseball Bat 1137 01:21:03,792 --> 01:21:04,885 For hittin' knees.. 1138 01:21:05,271 --> 01:21:06,632 hands... 1139 01:21:07,240 --> 01:21:09,886 It's also good for hittin' balls. 1140 01:21:11,273 --> 01:21:14,896 We don't do 'em individually, we do 'em all together. 1141 01:21:15,409 --> 01:21:16,581 Gentlemen please. Yeah. 1142 01:21:17,624 --> 01:21:18,902 Oh this looks very painful.......... 1143 01:21:22,914 --> 01:21:28,536 Due to the distressing nature of the images we are unable to broadcast the events currently streaming live on the Internet 1144 01:21:29,956 --> 01:21:30,913 No No 1145 01:21:33,235 --> 01:21:39,889 Misguided miscalculations suggest that this may be some kind of hoax or publicity stunt. It is now clear that the hostages are in genuine danger 1146 01:21:39,889 --> 01:21:44,720 That all signs point to the intentions to stage a live execution in the next few minutes 1147 01:21:57,911 --> 01:22:01,134 Even with my metal plates and my fucked up nerve endings, 1148 01:22:01,475 --> 01:22:02,796 I've gotta tell ya, 1149 01:22:02,796 --> 01:22:04,281 that hurt. 1150 01:22:07,095 --> 01:22:09,655 the silent killer 1151 01:22:09,655 --> 01:22:12,734 But not half as much as the idea of leaving everything behind. 1152 01:22:13,777 --> 01:22:14,616 Katie 1153 01:22:15,401 --> 01:22:16,099 My dad. 1154 01:22:16,903 --> 01:22:17,704 Todd and Marty 1155 01:22:18,299 --> 01:22:20,010 And all the things I'd never do. 1156 01:22:20,871 --> 01:22:22,820 Like learn to drive. 1157 01:22:23,028 --> 01:22:25,233 Or see what me and Katie's kids would look like. 1158 01:22:25,624 --> 01:22:27,540 Or find out what happened on Lost. 1159 01:22:28,929 --> 01:22:32,833 And if you're reassuring yourself that I'm gonna make it through this since I'm talking to you now, 1160 01:22:34,446 --> 01:22:36,123 quit being such a smart ass. 1161 01:22:36,537 --> 01:22:39,128 Hell dude. You've never seen Sin City? 1162 01:22:39,129 --> 01:22:41,974 Sunset Boulevard? American Beauty? 1163 01:22:42,887 --> 01:22:48,718 And this,...for all you brave men out there... is fire. 1164 01:22:57,833 --> 01:22:59,288 Fire, Fire's good 1165 01:23:00,759 --> 01:23:02,698 Fire is our friend 1166 01:23:11,063 --> 01:23:11,953 Gentlemen 1167 01:23:14,148 --> 01:23:15,416 Time to die. 1168 01:23:21,623 --> 01:23:22,205 What the... 1169 01:24:19,005 --> 01:24:20,027 Find me a lighter 1170 01:24:29,473 --> 01:24:30,059 I've got it 1171 01:24:44,218 --> 01:24:44,799 No!!!!!!! 1172 01:24:44,799 --> 01:24:46,635 Take cover, child!!!!!!!!!! 1173 01:24:52,281 --> 01:24:55,842 Now switch to Kryptonite!!!!!!! 1174 01:25:25,575 --> 01:25:27,677 Eject, 2 rounds and relay!!!!!! 1175 01:26:14,190 --> 01:26:16,004 Show's over mother-fuckers. 1176 01:26:21,129 --> 01:26:21,934 Yeah!!! 1177 01:26:21,935 --> 01:26:23,376 I think I'm in love with her, dude. 1178 01:26:24,573 --> 01:26:26,229 She looks like she's about 11 years old, but... 1179 01:26:26,720 --> 01:26:29,270 I can wait. I solemnly vow to save myself for her. 1180 01:26:30,878 --> 01:26:32,409 I can see that this can be really difficult for you. 1181 01:26:32,853 --> 01:26:33,662 Are you OK? 1182 01:26:34,330 --> 01:26:34,950 Yeah.- Whoa- 1183 01:26:53,797 --> 01:26:54,871 Good job. 1184 01:27:03,329 --> 01:27:05,446 I'm so proud of you, baby doll 1185 01:27:08,081 --> 01:27:09,117 Are you OK? 1186 01:27:12,599 --> 01:27:13,447 Yes 1187 01:27:15,235 --> 01:27:18,198 Getting shot, daddy, hurt a lot more than when you did it. 1188 01:27:19,947 --> 01:27:23,370 That's because I used low-velocity rounds, child. 1189 01:27:28,224 --> 01:27:29,875 You're the kindest daddy in the whole world 1190 01:27:30,748 --> 01:27:31,618 I just.... 1191 01:27:34,440 --> 01:27:36,017 I love you 1192 01:27:41,353 --> 01:27:42,428 I love you too daddy 1193 01:27:50,911 --> 01:27:51,718 I love you, dad 1194 01:27:53,693 --> 01:27:54,460 good night 1195 01:28:13,506 --> 01:28:14,337 What's your name? 1196 01:28:15,778 --> 01:28:16,737 I mean, your real name 1197 01:28:17,255 --> 01:28:20,118 A super hero never reveals her true identity. 1198 01:28:20,119 --> 01:28:23,419 What look, you can't go on... 1199 01:28:24,309 --> 01:28:26,088 However you lived before............. 1200 01:28:29,990 --> 01:28:30,862 It's over. 1201 01:28:33,300 --> 01:28:34,605 Is there anybody else? 1202 01:28:34,893 --> 01:28:36,141 Any other family, or? 1203 01:28:36,142 --> 01:28:37,451 I can take care of myself. 1204 01:28:39,140 --> 01:28:40,624 I saved your sorry ass! 1205 01:28:41,577 --> 01:28:42,684 what about money? 1206 01:28:43,566 --> 01:28:45,487 Alright, cause you've got to think long-term 1207 01:28:45,488 --> 01:28:47,852 I've got three million dollars in a suitcase! 1208 01:28:49,092 --> 01:28:50,817 That long-term enough for ya? 1209 01:28:54,058 --> 01:28:55,478 It's not all about the money, 1210 01:28:57,239 --> 01:28:58,335 I owe you 1211 01:29:00,067 --> 01:29:01,556 If not for you, I'd be dead. 1212 01:29:03,347 --> 01:29:04,823 if it wasn't for you 1213 01:29:06,691 --> 01:29:07,948 my dad wouldn’t be. 1214 01:29:24,699 --> 01:29:25,918 Look 1215 01:29:26,501 --> 01:29:29,842 pack up whatever you need and we'll go back to my place. 1216 01:29:32,430 --> 01:29:33,297 I just need to clean up, I think? 1217 01:30:28,322 --> 01:30:30,933 Woah. I meant, like pajamas 1218 01:30:31,059 --> 01:30:32,477 and clothes and stuff. You can't take that stuff to my house. 1219 01:30:32,713 --> 01:30:34,219 You know what my dad would have really wanted? 1220 01:30:39,980 --> 01:30:41,984 He would have wanted me to finish what we started. 1221 01:30:43,847 --> 01:30:45,239 And that's exactly what I'm gonna do. 1222 01:31:02,157 --> 01:31:03,906 Is this Frank D'Amico's place? 1223 01:31:04,463 --> 01:31:05,946 All that security 1224 01:31:06,983 --> 01:31:08,184 Are you crazy? 1225 01:31:08,417 --> 01:31:10,434 My mom already died for nothing. 1226 01:31:11,571 --> 01:31:14,087 So, I'm sure as hell not gonna let my dad die for nothing too. 1227 01:31:16,811 --> 01:31:18,165 You can't do this on your own. 1228 01:31:20,623 --> 01:31:21,401 Exactly 1229 01:31:24,315 --> 01:31:25,725 You wanna deal with owing my dad? 1230 01:31:28,029 --> 01:31:30,187 Then shut the hell up and pick your weapon. 1231 01:31:38,990 --> 01:31:40,371 Is that what I think it is? 1232 01:31:41,781 --> 01:31:42,881 Damn straight. 1233 01:31:44,228 --> 01:31:48,386 Oh you better start reading the instructions, 'cause you're gonna be using it in about five minutes. 1234 01:31:55,974 --> 01:31:59,108 Yo listen up, you've got 5 minutes and I want you back on your post 1235 01:31:59,108 --> 01:32:00,935 and don't leave a mess 1236 01:32:14,985 --> 01:32:15,798 Everything okay? 1237 01:32:15,799 --> 01:32:16,782 Things alright, boss 1238 01:32:19,516 --> 01:32:20,644 Can't believe I got my gun back 1239 01:32:20,645 --> 01:32:21,678 Look at that 1240 01:32:21,679 --> 01:32:22,930 You know it's not that.. (Knocking) 1241 01:32:27,487 --> 01:32:28,093 Let her in 1242 01:32:31,877 --> 01:32:32,650 That's a little kid 1243 01:32:32,854 --> 01:32:33,872 What's the matter with you? 1244 01:32:38,886 --> 01:32:39,695 You okay, sweetheart? 1245 01:32:40,569 --> 01:32:44,373 No, I lost my mommy and daddy. 1246 01:32:44,630 --> 01:32:46,153 she lost her mommy and daddy 1247 01:32:47,744 --> 01:32:48,856 You wanna use my cell phone? 1248 01:32:50,851 --> 01:32:51,852 Now can you remember the number? 1249 01:33:35,112 --> 01:33:36,888 Had I ever been a real superhero? 1250 01:33:38,148 --> 01:33:43,888 The most I'd ever had to offer the world was good intentions and a slightly elevated capacity to take a kicking. 1251 01:33:45,688 --> 01:33:49,059 With no power comes no responsibility. 1252 01:33:50,189 --> 01:33:51,245 Except 1253 01:33:52,343 --> 01:33:53,259 that wasn't true. 1254 01:34:40,700 --> 01:34:41,522 shit 1255 01:36:19,143 --> 01:36:21,125 Hey I'm in here come help me out!!!!!!!!! 1256 01:36:25,929 --> 01:36:27,990 Wait, fuck this!! And, everybody's dead!!! 1257 01:36:30,498 --> 01:36:32,612 She's behind the counter, she's out of ammo. 1258 01:36:47,449 --> 01:36:48,632 Do you think they got her? 1259 01:36:49,601 --> 01:36:50,764 If they didn't he will. 1260 01:36:52,494 --> 01:36:53,526 Get out there 1261 01:36:54,421 --> 01:36:54,953 Now? 1262 01:36:54,988 --> 01:36:56,099 Yeah, now 1263 01:37:06,797 --> 01:37:07,818 What the fuck is going on? 1264 01:37:07,818 --> 01:37:09,597 We got her trapped she's still alive 1265 01:37:09,598 --> 01:37:11,308 So what the hell you guys waiting for? 1266 01:37:12,484 --> 01:37:13,110 Go get her- Go ahead-. 1267 01:37:13,353 --> 01:37:16,397 I only got one fucking gun. I'm not going in there. 1268 01:37:18,394 --> 01:37:20,015 Do it now 1269 01:37:21,564 --> 01:37:22,263 Come on 1270 01:37:41,772 --> 01:37:42,694 Fuck this shit. 1271 01:37:42,861 --> 01:37:44,223 I'm getting the Bazooka 1272 01:37:47,378 --> 01:37:48,169 Bazooka? 1273 01:37:48,586 --> 01:37:49,681 Bazooka 1274 01:37:50,522 --> 01:37:53,070 Whoa hold it. It's only me boss. Everything is under control. 1275 01:38:05,571 --> 01:38:08,831 Under control? You're grabbing a fucking Bazooka you dumb ass. 1276 01:38:10,945 --> 01:38:14,490 Sir? - Do it - 1277 01:38:35,035 --> 01:38:37,088 I always wanted to say this... 1278 01:38:39,618 --> 01:38:41,848 say Hello to my little friend 1279 01:39:12,540 --> 01:39:14,058 (Glory, Glory Halleluah song in background) 1280 01:39:38,644 --> 01:39:39,827 Holy shit 1281 01:39:47,892 --> 01:39:49,644 That is one weird sounding Bazooka 1282 01:39:49,644 --> 01:39:50,608 Stu! 1283 01:39:56,814 --> 01:39:57,231 Fuck! 1284 01:40:06,497 --> 01:40:08,030 Get out 1285 01:40:17,529 --> 01:40:18,611 Play time's over, kid. 1286 01:40:19,003 --> 01:40:21,904 I never play 1287 01:40:23,101 --> 01:40:23,933 Oh really? 1288 01:41:38,623 --> 01:41:40,458 Ruin my business, Huh? 1289 01:41:42,168 --> 01:41:44,834 I'll kill every single fucking guy or gal in my way 1290 01:42:13,287 --> 01:42:15,782 I wish my son was just like you. 1291 01:42:22,182 --> 01:42:23,915 It is time for family reunion 1292 01:42:25,835 --> 01:42:26,377 Hey 1293 01:42:27,563 --> 01:42:29,040 Why don't you pick on someone your own size. 1294 01:42:48,630 --> 01:42:49,418 You Ok? 1295 01:42:50,106 --> 01:42:50,914 Yeah 1296 01:42:52,254 --> 01:42:53,234 Time to go home 1297 01:44:26,534 --> 01:44:27,551 Thanks, Kick-Ass. 1298 01:44:27,875 --> 01:44:29,101 My daddy.... 1299 01:44:32,193 --> 01:44:33,518 He would have been proud of both of us. 1300 01:44:43,981 --> 01:44:45,177 Dave 1301 01:44:46,254 --> 01:44:47,134 Dave Lizewski. 1302 01:44:48,108 --> 01:44:49,247 I know that, dumbass 1303 01:45:00,258 --> 01:45:01,124 Mindy 1304 01:45:02,831 --> 01:45:03,772 Mindy MacReady 1305 01:45:21,233 --> 01:45:22,153 Bye 1306 01:45:24,355 --> 01:45:27,446 Mindy moved in with Marcus and he enrolled her at my school 1307 01:45:27,447 --> 01:45:28,700 Bye - Good luck - 1308 01:45:30,214 --> 01:45:31,371 first school she'd ever been to 1309 01:45:31,539 --> 01:45:33,188 on the promise that I'd look out for her. 1310 01:45:35,168 --> 01:45:35,989 Hey 1311 01:45:36,215 --> 01:45:37,268 "Not that she needed me too". 1312 01:45:37,570 --> 01:45:38,509 Hey. New kid. 1313 01:45:38,918 --> 01:45:39,798 Hi 1314 01:45:40,868 --> 01:45:41,525 Lunch money. 1315 01:45:42,798 --> 01:45:43,335 Now. 1316 01:45:43,336 --> 01:45:44,336 (The screams of the two bully's getting their ass kicked) 1317 01:45:51,507 --> 01:45:53,752 Kick-Ass was gone, but not forgotten. 1318 01:45:55,140 --> 01:45:57,799 And my world is much safer with all the new superheroes. 1319 01:45:59,245 --> 01:46:00,987 They said I was their inspiration 1320 01:46:01,798 --> 01:46:05,726 But all I did was make a door into a world I dreamed about, since I was little kid. 1321 01:46:07,051 --> 01:46:09,203 A world full of super heroes, huh? 1322 01:46:11,677 --> 01:46:13,191 like a great man once said... 1323 01:46:16,065 --> 01:46:18,160 Wait'll they get a load of me.