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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
2
00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:28,600
I love you.
3
00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:31,560
I want to spend
the rest of my life with you.
4
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:35,200
Will you marry me?
5
00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:39,400
Baby...
6
00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:41,360
Baby...
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00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,360
Baby, your breath smells
like dog food.
8
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,120
Just a hint of Rottweiler butt.
9
00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:50,280
You're on notice, Rocco.
10
00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:53,160
When Felicia moves in,
you have to clean up your act.
11
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:55,400
Bon appêtit.
12
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,440
I have a very big surprise
for you.
13
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,640
A very big surprise.
14
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:53,040
I know you're dying to know, I won't
tell you, no matter how much you beg.
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No. Not even a hint.
16
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:10,520
Wow, this is incredible, Jerry.
What 's this all about?
17
00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:15,600
Felicia, from the first moment
I met you, I...
18
00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:21,840
I mean... from the first moment
I saw you...
19
00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,000
- What I'm trying to say, Felicia...
- You look sick all of a sudden.
20
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,520
Are you alright?
21
00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:29,600
Motion sickness.
22
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:34,280
The reason why I brought you
up here is to tell you...
23
00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:37,160
...to say...
- Yes?
24
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,800
- To ask, to communicate...
- Just spit it out.
25
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,000
I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean it!
26
00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:49,680
Don't cover me in puke
and try and call me baby.
27
00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:51,800
I'll make it up to you, Felicia.
28
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,080
- Will you marry me?
- No.
29
00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:58,320
Thank you. You made me
the happiest... What?
30
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,960
- I met someone.
- Met someone?
31
00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:04,000
Andrê and I have all the things
that we don't, Jerry.
32
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:05,920
- Andrê?
- I introduced you once.
33
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,640
He details my BMW.
34
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:12,480
You dump me for a guy who goes to
work in a jumpsuit and rubber boots?
35
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:17,080
Andrê and I connect on a level
that you and I just never could.
36
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,960
Jerry, I'm so sorry.
37
00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,240
She dumped us, Rocco.
38
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,600
I know you don't care.
You can lick your own balls.
39
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:18,680
I' m not in. Leave a message,
or don't leave a message. Whatever.
40
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:21,200
Hello Jerry,it's me.
Pick up.
41
00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:23,400
Dude,I know you're there.
42
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,960
Come on,quit acting like
a little kid. You're so immature.
43
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,480
Pick up now, or I'm gonna fart
into the phone.
44
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,000
Leave me alone.
I'm wallowing in self-pity.
45
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,880
It 's time to rejoin the living, Jerry.
Come on, we're going out tonight.
46
00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:39,360
- Not interested.
- Saddle up dough, baloney pony.
47
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:42,840
It 's operation "Storm in the Foxholes".
China Club, 21:OO hours.
48
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,280
Ourobjective?
Penetrate the enemy.
49
00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:48,200
- Stop calling me. I'm not going.
- This is nonnegotiable,Jerry.
50
00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:50,560
Either meet me tonight,
or I'm gonna ask out your sister.
51
00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:53,280
And you know she'll go 'cause she's
freaky like that. We both know her.
52
00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,640
- Hang up. The toilet 's stuffed up.
- I gotta go, there's an emergency.
53
00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:59,000
I gotta go. See ya.
54
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:12,480
Thanks for fitting me in today,
Daniel. I'm so tight.
55
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,760
Go really deep this time.
56
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,040
Give it to me harder.
57
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:42,680
Harder.
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00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:46,800
Harder.
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00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,560
Harder.
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00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:02,000
Come on, Daniel.
Is this the best you can do?
61
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:09,480
Ragoni, what the hell
are you doing?
62
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:12,040
I was just warming up for you.
63
00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,720
- Marshall, is that you?
- Nick!
64
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:24,720
Hey! Long time no see.
How you doing?
65
00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,960
You've got to give me the name
of your new escort service.
66
00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:29,400
Cut it out, Nick.
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00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,800
This is my fiancêe. Sheri.
She ain't no escort skank.
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00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,560
- She and I are in love.
- That 's right.
69
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:39,640
Marshall here is the most interesting
and exciting man I've ever met.
70
00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:43,880
- And he's a wonderful lover.
- Oh, I get it, she's retarded.
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00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:46,320
Actually she's one of the sharpest
bartenders at Hooters.
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00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:50,960
Marshy. Excuse me, fellas. I'm going
to attend to the landing strip.
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00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:56,320
- And classy, too.
- We met on a cruise.
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00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,240
There's just something
about the ocean air, the sun.
75
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:02,960
It really makes it easier to meet
people. We connected right away.
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00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,560
Very first night.
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00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,880
- With her? Very first night?
- Yes!
78
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:11,600
There are dozens of women
just as friendly as her on board.
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00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,800
Dude, I gotta tell ya.
Whatever you're doing...
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00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,960
take a week off and get yourself
on one of those boats.
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00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:21,400
There's a line at the can.
Honey, can we skip dinner?
82
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:26,160
You look so hot you got me
in the mood for a takeout in bed.
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00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,520
Tongue.
84
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,040
Wow.
85
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:48,480
Wasn't that crazy Marshall Geller who
worked in our high school cafeteria?
86
00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:53,440
Nope. That was crazy Marshall
Geller, my new personal hero.
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00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,120
Dude, let 's bolt.
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00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:58,120
Hanging around some stupid bar
is no place to meet women.
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00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:01,240
What are you talking about? You've
begged me to come here for months!
90
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,160
Jerry, buddy...
91
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:05,160
trust me...
92
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,480
I have seen the light.
93
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Son of a bitch!
94
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:40,720
That was my space!
95
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:43,280
- Fuck you!
- Fuck you right back, buddy!
96
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:46,080
Back off. I don't wanna see an out
of shape slob get his butt kicked.
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00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,200
- He ain't that out of shape.
- I'm talking about you!
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00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:49,960
You break a sweat
changing your shoes.
99
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:52,360
- Stop. Bite me!
- Blow me!
100
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,320
- Kiss my ass!
- Fuck your mother!
101
00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,600
Oh, yeah? No one would want to fuck
my mother 'cause she's too ugly.
102
00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,520
- I think I lost that one, didn't I?
- Oh, yeah.
103
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:07,000
Okay. That 's the 7-day, 6-night
fun in the sun singles package...
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00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,480
with the standard 3 to 1
female to male ratio.
105
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,160
Just as the doctor ordered,
right, buddy?
106
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:15,680
I don't know, Nick.
I don't think I'm ready for this.
107
00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,520
Not ready? Come on.
It 's been six months.
108
00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,560
I don't like the sun...
109
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,440
and I get seasick.
110
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,520
I don't know what to say
to strange women.
111
00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:28,440
We're not going for the discourse.
We're going for the intercourse.
112
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:32,080
Sex! That 's all you ever think about.
Sex, sex, sex!
113
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:33,960
We'll take it.
114
00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:35,920
There you go.
115
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,640
Larry, you're still here.
116
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:43,800
- Your mother died.
- What?
117
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,680
- When?
- This morning. I'm sorry.
118
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:50,440
- I thought you got my Post-it.
- Okay, thanks, Michael.
119
00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:52,480
Alright. Now, gentlemen...
120
00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:56,240
I might want you to consider this
stateroom. It 's a little bit larger...
121
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:05,280
Would you excuse me
for just a moment?
122
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,840
Help!
123
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,480
Mama, no!
124
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:15,720
- You!
- Fuck you, pal.
125
00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,400
- Fuck you back.
- Fuck your mother.
126
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:21,400
- No one would fuck my mother...
- We've been through this before!
127
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:23,200
Excuse me. What seems to be
the problem here?
128
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,480
This guy. Pecker face.
129
00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:27,320
- That 's the problem
- This guy's a jerk.
130
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,760
Alright, Brian, you know what?
Enough. Let me handle this.
131
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,240
- You go check on the ski packages.
- Yeah. Fuck off.
132
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:34,040
- Ski over near the Maui getaways.
- Yeah.
133
00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:36,560
- Remember? Since the changeover?
- Yeah, I got it.
134
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:38,880
I am so sorry.
135
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:40,600
Brian's had a little problem
with the...
136
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,840
And the... and the... and the...
137
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:48,160
Yeah, bad news.
But now he's doing fine.
138
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:51,960
He's doing a lot of great work
with unwed teenage mothers.
139
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:54,600
So... Alright.
140
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:59,840
Let 's see... 7-day, 6-night
vacation cruise. Is that correct?
141
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,760
- That 's the one.
- Right.
142
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:05,160
Yeah, right. Okay.
143
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,680
You guys are set, gentlemen.
144
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:15,400
I think you'll have a very good time.
Please enjoy your vacation.
145
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:16,600
- Thank you very much.
- You're welcome.
146
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,360
Hey, and you should probably
do something about that guy.
147
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,720
Don't worry,
I've already taken care of it.
148
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:23,480
And, hey...
149
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:27,320
- I'm a letter writer.
- Duly noted.
150
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,320
Alright.
151
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:33,800
Bye-bye, now.
152
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,680
I'm too upset to work ski packages.
153
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:40,440
- I can't believe you took care of them.
- I took care of them alright.
154
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:43,800
'Cause no one calls
my little pecker a pecker.
155
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,680
- Huh?
- Yeah.
156
00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:58,680
Wow! Look at the size
of that thing!
157
00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,840
And just think,
it 's filled with available women.
158
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,680
Yeah! And here's the beauty part
of the whole thing.
159
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:07,560
They can't get away from us.
We'll be in the middle of the ocean.
160
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:11,520
They can try, but they'll drown
or be eaten by sharks. It 's perfect.
161
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:16,200
Sometimes I think there's something
seriously wrong with you.
162
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,360
I can live with that.
163
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,760
- Excuse me. Can I ask you something?
- Yes.
164
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,480
- You board everybody on this ship?
- Yes, sir.
165
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,120
Let me ask you a question,
from guy to guy.
166
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:30,400
Is there a lot of sweet ass
on this ship?
167
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,560
I'm sure you'll be very happy.
168
00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,440
- Yes! Right, Jerry?
- Yeah!
169
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:36,760
Alrighty!
170
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:41,000
And all filled with hot,
beautiful women!
171
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:44,600
- Yes!
- Awesome, awesome, awesome!
172
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:49,600
Think of the sexiest creatures
boarding this love boat as we speak!
173
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:58,480
- Alright, this is great!
- Yeah, you know!
174
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,680
- Hello!
- Hey! What 's up, guys?
175
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,520
How you doin'?
176
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,240
Alright!
177
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,480
- Lovely boat, huh?
- Oh, yeah.
178
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:10,840
Don't you ever doubt me.
179
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,800
What the hell was that?
180
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,160
Well, onboard entertainment.
181
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:28,320
You know? I bet Cirque du Soleil
is here. Like Vegas.
182
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:30,720
- Cool.
- Right?
183
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,360
Hey, how are ya?
184
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:44,280
There it is. Stateroom 211.
185
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:47,840
The number that 'll be on every
woman's lips by the end of the trip.
186
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,440
Let 's do it.
187
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,760
That 's weird.
188
00:13:58,080 --> 00:13:59,760
Only one bed.
189
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,000
I know why.
190
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:05,920
We're going to have so much sex one
guy's always going to sleep out.
191
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:07,200
Yeah, right.
192
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:10,320
You better hope that couch
is more comfortable than it looks.
193
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,240
There's a mirror on the ceiling.
194
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:17,280
Excelente.
195
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:21,040
That way the babes can watch me
get my peak on.
196
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,040
Check this out, Jer.
197
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,680
- Four racquetball courts.
- Hey!
198
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:31,080
- Nine cocktail lounges, a casino.
- Six and eight 's a running mate!
199
00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:32,880
A video arcade...
200
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,680
Onboard chest waxing salon...
201
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:40,760
- Chest waxing?
- Yes, of course, for swimming.
202
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,040
Let me see that.
203
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:47,920
Club Socrates wants you to know
you'll be treated like a queen.
204
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:53,480
- You mean king?
- Queen. It says so right there.
205
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,400
That 's weird.
206
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:03,360
Hello?
Ring, ring, ring.
207
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,600
Everybody conga.
208
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:11,920
Conga,conga,conga,everybody party
Party,party,party
209
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,760
Five o'clock today
210
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:18,040
Yeah, baby! I told you, Jer.
This boat is wild!
211
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:23,960
- Where's the party, sweet thing?
- Stateroom 209. Stateroom 209.
212
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:27,960
It 's casual.
213
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:40,040
To fresh scratches on our backs.
214
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,880
- Scotch and soda, please.
- Coming right up, sir.
215
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,320
Oh, please.
216
00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:51,680
Why do they always
have to play Liza?
217
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,720
I don't know.
I kinda like "Liza With a Z".
218
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,200
Yeah, it 's kind of cool
for making out.
219
00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:01,160
I prefer Johnny Mathis, myself.
220
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,800
Yeah, if you're gonna
make out with a dude.
221
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,800
That is very funny.
222
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,440
My name is Faversham.
Lloyd Faversham.
223
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,320
- Nick Ragoni.
- Nick.
224
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:17,600
- Jerry.
- Jerry.
225
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,800
- Is this your first cruise?
- No, my third.
226
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,960
- And you?
- Numero uno.
227
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:27,600
Then you are going to positively
adore it. It is one wild...
228
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,280
...decadent week.
- That 's why we're here, right?
229
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,320
- All night parties.
- Excellent.
230
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:35,400
- Midnight skinny dipping.
- Sign me up!
231
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:40,200
And if you're into it,
lots of sex, sex... sex.
232
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,720
You hear that, Jer?
All the sex a man could want.
233
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:46,360
Well, then you must visit
the hole in one room.
234
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,160
Oh? They have an onboard
driving range?
235
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:53,680
Some of the chaps down there
do swing some very large clubs.
236
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,640
You two have an open relationship?
237
00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:59,720
Open? What do you mean
by "open relationship"?
238
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:02,440
- I mean do you date?
- Of course we date.
239
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,000
- That 's why we're here.
- Yeah.
240
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:05,920
That 's absolutely wonderful.
241
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:09,400
We must get together sometime.
Go for a midnight swim.
242
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,600
Do whatever feels right.
243
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:15,240
That is what a gay cruise
is all about.
244
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,000
I see.
245
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,200
Hear that, Jerry?
246
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,720
We can do whatever we want.
Whatever feels right.
247
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,920
That 's what a gay cruise
is all about.
248
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,440
Whatever we want to do,
we can do it...
249
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,640
because it 's a gay cruise.
250
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:39,240
It 's a gay cruise, Jerry,
not a bi-cruise. It 's a gay cruise!
251
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:44,640
Capital G, capital A,
capital YMCA gay cruise, Jerry!
252
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:47,200
Damn, damn, damn!
253
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,920
I wonder how many other people
made the same mistake I did.
254
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:57,360
No one! Shit! Jerry!
Don't worry, buddy!
255
00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:00,560
I'm bringing you back home! I'm gonna
get you out of here! Let 's go!
256
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,720
Help! Help! Somebody help us!
257
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,520
We're straight! We're straight.
258
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:15,680
Hey, Nick! Stop acting like a jerk!
We'll figure this out!
259
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,760
What are we gonna do, Jerry?
We gotta get off this boat!
260
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,360
Excuse me sir, do you know
where we can get off real quick?
261
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,720
- Try the hole in one room.
- I'm starting to think that 's...
262
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,880
not a real driving range, Jer.
In fact, I'm convinced of it.
263
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:29,280
Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!
264
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:32,200
We're trapped like rats!
265
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:37,440
What?
266
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,440
I checked our itinerary.
267
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,760
We don't dock for four days.
268
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,160
Why do I ever listen to you?
269
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:46,520
Are you implying
that this is somehow my fault?
270
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:48,880
I'm not implying it.
I'm saying it.
271
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,360
If you hadn't insulted the travel agent,
none of this would've happened.
272
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:56,720
- Maybe there's another explanation.
- Yeah? What?
273
00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:00,360
Maybe that travel agent thought
he was doing you a favor.
274
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:01,920
Because...
275
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,520
- You know.
- Because what?
276
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,680
Because you're a little fem.
That 's why.
277
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,400
You always dress real nice.
You're in shape. You're neat.
278
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,080
And you use those pastel
colored balls at the bowling alley.
279
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,600
Don't think that got past me.
280
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,520
You're an idiot.
A thick-headed moron.
281
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,440
Felicia was right. I should've
dumped your ass years ago!
282
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,160
If you wanted to dump somebody's
ass, it should've been Felicia's.
283
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:31,000
That chick was Satan's sister, bro.
Yeah! Devil in a d-cup!
284
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,840
Felicia was as frosty a bitch
as I've ever seen in my life!
285
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,400
I'm gonna kill ya!
286
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:37,560
Get off.
287
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,800
I know I heard
do the bump-bump time.
288
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,560
Hey you, don't get the wrong idea.
289
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:47,800
Hector always gets the wrong idea.
290
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,600
That 's why he is no longer welcome
in the state of Missouri.
291
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,920
Buddy, you pranced into the wrong
cabin. My friend and I...
292
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,720
we're not gay.
293
00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:01,160
Ring, ring. Hold the phone. What you
tell me? You two guys are not gay?
294
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:02,680
That 's right!
295
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,720
Go on, pull Hector's other leg.
He's got bells on it.
296
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,960
I'm getting out of here.
297
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,760
Gee. What hasn't gotten into him?
298
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,600
Out.
299
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,440
Oh,here he comes
300
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,520
Watch out,boy
He'll chew you up
301
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,400
Oh,here he comes
302
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,240
He's a maneater
303
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,800
Oh,here he comes
304
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:30,920
Watch out,boy
He'll chew you up
305
00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:32,600
Oh,here he comes
306
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:34,920
He's a maneater
307
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,400
lwouldn't if lwere you
308
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:48,440
Bachelor number 2. What 's the most
unusual place you ever made love?
309
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:52,880
Well, once I did it in a dressing
room in International Male.
310
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,520
Right. How about you,
bachelor number 3?
311
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,360
What 's the most unusual place
that you ever made love?
312
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,680
Inside a woman.
313
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,120
Oh, no...
314
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:12,600
Hey! Who do I have to screw
to get a drink around here?
315
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:15,360
Oops.
316
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:18,560
Oops.
317
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:23,120
Hey buddy, you okay?
318
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,600
Do I look gay?
319
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:31,000
Never saw an old gay
grandpa before.
320
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,840
Where are all the gay people at?
321
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,600
You're all always supposed
to want to party.
322
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,800
Oops. Oops.
323
00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:20,960
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine!
324
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:35,160
Men on dates,holding hands,
touching,kissing.
325
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:39,480
I can't take it. Then I think
"not delay it."
326
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:41,800
Took too much shop
in high school.
327
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:49,280
Help! Pick me up!
328
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,600
Get me out of here!
329
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,160
Drop down a ladder!
330
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:57,360
I like girls!
331
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,040
Please!
332
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:11,240
Please, come back!
333
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:49,320
I don't know anything about a flare
gun. I swear I was here all night.
334
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:52,680
A flare gun? I don't know anything.
I was here all night.
335
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,640
Flare gun? I don't know nothing
about no stinking flare gun.
336
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,280
- Oh, shit!
- Okay.
337
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,840
Here we are.
You should go change now.
338
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,600
Where's your robe?
339
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,440
Okay.
340
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:10,120
Okay, I give up.
I did it.
341
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:13,760
Hey, Jer, how was your evening?
342
00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:18,000
Hi. Your friend
had a little too much to drink.
343
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:19,840
She thinks I'm drunk.
344
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,720
- Nicky, Nicky!
- Alright, alright.
345
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,600
I fell in the pool.
346
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,120
- You're sitting on my balls!
- Okay...
347
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:30,680
I'm gonna leave you two alone.
348
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,720
- Good night.
- You're getting me all wet.
349
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:41,120
Jerry!
350
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:43,240
Wake up, I'm starving!
351
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,600
Come on, Jerry!
352
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,480
Dude, don't make me go up there
by myself. Get up.
353
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:51,840
Jerry!
354
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:53,560
Screw it.
355
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:58,000
What am I afraid of?
How gay can a buffet be?
356
00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:28,120
Is this seat taken?
357
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:29,840
- Actually...
- I hate dining alone.
358
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,320
- I bet you feel the same way too.
- I'm okay with it, actually.
359
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:36,440
I see you took the omelette,
the waffles and the flapjacks.
360
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:41,120
Hungry little man, aren't you?
Do you care for a bite of my sausage?
361
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,440
In England, we call them bangers.
362
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:48,600
Captain, can you come over here
a minute, please?
363
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:52,760
There's a small craft off the starboard
trying to get our attention.
364
00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:57,800
- Help!
- Help us!
365
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,960
- Help!
- Somebody save us!
366
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:04,440
Jesus...
367
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:08,080
Sound the alarm.
All hands on dick... deck.
368
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:10,480
Deck!
369
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:19,640
Tea?
370
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:25,360
For you.
371
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,520
Oh, my God.
372
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:42,480
- I must be dreaming. Pinch me.
- Sure. My pleasure.
373
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:45,320
- I didn't say on my ass.
- You didn't not say it.
374
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:49,400
I didn't think
I had to specify. Jesus.
375
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,280
Nick, Nick.
Look, you gotta help me out.
376
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,360
Remember that woman that dragged
me into the room last night?
377
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:00,640
I can't get her off my mind.
378
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,800
She kissed me. Technically it was
mouth to mouth. But it was fabulous.
379
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:06,920
I mean, I gotta find her.
I mean I was so wasted...
380
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:12,680
- Who are they?
- The answer to our prayers.
381
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,200
Twelve of the most gorgeous
creatures I've ever seen.
382
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,840
But I'm not greedy.
I'll share.
383
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,640
Go ahead, pick... two.
384
00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:27,000
No. This girl's fabulous.
She's special.
385
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:28,880
I gotta find her.
386
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:35,480
She's special. Special.
387
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:44,960
Hello.
388
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,560
- Hi.
- Who are you?
389
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:51,520
I'm Nick Ragoni, the most grateful
man on the planet.
390
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,200
I'm Inga. Very pleasurable
to meet you.
391
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:55,640
How'd you all get here?
392
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:57,920
We are the Swedish sun
tanning team...
393
00:27:58,120 --> 00:28:01,040
on our way to the Hawaiian
Tropics Tanning Competition.
394
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:03,600
Some bonehead shot down
our helicopter.
395
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,240
Coach had to make water landing.
396
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:09,160
I didn't think this would happen
until I died and went to heaven.
397
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:12,640
It 's a lucky thing we were picked
up by a boat full of homo boys.
398
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:15,520
It would be terrible to have
straight men hassling and ogling us...
399
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:18,560
while we're trying to work on
our even tan lines.
400
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:23,040
You're so right.
401
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:25,600
Lucky I'm gay!
402
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:29,720
I'm super gay! I'm mega...
I'm gay enormous!
403
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:33,920
I'm so gay!
But that 's good.
404
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:38,120
'Cause now you guys can all feel
comfortable in front of me...
405
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,240
and take off your tops and stuff.
406
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:43,640
And I can do this for you.
407
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:47,440
I can put tanning oils
and creamy lotions...
408
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:50,520
all over your luscious bodies.
409
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:56,880
And there won't be any worries
for you because I'm so gay!
410
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:05,960
Yeah, baby! Yeah, baby!
Almost finished!
411
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:12,200
Okay, let 's do the back.
412
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:16,360
The first time I think
I realized I was gay...
413
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,560
was when I was around twelve
in Scouts.
414
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:21,720
I really liked putting on
that kerchief.
415
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:25,040
In fact, it was the only part
I liked about it.
416
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:27,040
That and the nude swimming.
417
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:31,040
Anyway, I hope you gals
all feel comfortable around me.
418
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,080
"Ja", Nick.
419
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:36,200
'Cause I sure do feel comfortable
around you.
420
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:40,920
All done. Who's next?
How about you, Ursula?
421
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:45,320
Ready for your second coat?
These thighs look a little dry.
422
00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:47,400
There we go.
423
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:50,720
What do you want?
424
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:54,840
What the hell is that?
425
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:58,080
I got this from that dude
over there. He's hot.
426
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:03,480
You are no gay homo man.
I am Sonya, coach of tanning team.
427
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:04,880
- What?
- Quiet!
428
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:06,520
As long as these women
are in training...
429
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:10,560
there will be no trouser snakes
near their hot luscious popos.
430
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:11,720
Put me down!
431
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:13,840
Coach of the tanning team.
That 's ridiculous.
432
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:16,160
If I want to talk
to any of these ladies, I will.
433
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:19,440
And there's not a damn thing
you can do to stop me.
434
00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:20,600
Oh, yeah?
435
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:32,240
What the hell happened to you?
436
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:34,480
I died and went to heaven.
437
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:37,600
And then some muscle bound blonde
dwarf knocked me back down to hell.
438
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:40,320
- What?
- You know those 12 gorgeous hotties?
439
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:42,760
They've got
a goddamn bodyguard.
440
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:46,760
I can take disappointments, Jer.
441
00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:52,280
But little Mickey's already known
such heartache in a short life.
442
00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:54,680
Well then I guess all three of us
struck out.
443
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:57,280
I still can't find that girl.
444
00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:59,520
I've looked everywhere.
445
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,320
You know, I've kissed
Felicia for four years...
446
00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:05,680
and never felt anything like
I felt last night.
447
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,840
That girl is special.
I gotta find her.
448
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:11,760
You're abandoning me?
What am I supposed to do?
449
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:17,560
This is a luxury cruise!
Not everything's gay-oriented.
450
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:19,680
No more bets.
451
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:22,600
Red three is the winner.
452
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:29,200
Beautiful. Poker.
This is gonna be sweet.
453
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:32,800
These trouser pilots are no match
for a lusty hetero like myself.
454
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:35,640
This will be like taking candy
from a baby.
455
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:38,320
Why is that?
Are gay men notorious bad gamblers?
456
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:40,600
Awful. They can't bluff.
457
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:42,600
They look at the cards,
they start giggling. Terrible.
458
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:47,560
Promise me you won't act like a gay
bashing narrow minded Neanderthal.
459
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:49,400
Jerry, buddy, you're talking to me.
460
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:53,640
- Lady, couple of clubs, pass a flush...
- Hello gays... guys.
461
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:56,360
- Mind if I join you?
- Sure thing, gorgeous.
462
00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:00,240
I can't remember.
Does a straight beat a flush?
463
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:03,480
Damn! I really thought
I had this one.
464
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:05,520
Listen, Nick.
465
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,120
I don't want you to take offense, but
can I give you a piece of advice?
466
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:11,600
- What?
- Don't clear your throat.
467
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:13,360
What?
468
00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:16,040
Every time you bluff,
you clear your throat.
469
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:17,600
I do?
470
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:21,160
Don't play the cards.
Play the players.
471
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:23,840
Right. Here we go.
472
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:26,560
Any up.
Five or shoot. Three card Monty.
473
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:29,600
King is to win. There you go.
There's a winner!
474
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:31,120
We got a winner!
475
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:43,680
Hey you.
476
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:48,280
Unbelievable.
477
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:52,160
That was embarrassing!
478
00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:55,280
They offer a pool safety class onboard.
You should check it out.
479
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:57,440
Let me give you a hand.
480
00:32:57,760 --> 00:32:59,400
I'm Gabriella.
481
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:05,600
I'm Jerry.
482
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,400
Oh, boy.
483
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:18,360
- Hi.
- Hi.
484
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:19,920
You like?
485
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:22,880
Oh, yeah.
486
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:25,480
Ice cream?
Yeah, that 's okay.
487
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:28,320
Coach would kill me if she knew
I broke training.
488
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:32,720
But I no can help. I am...
What is the word?
489
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:35,560
- Oral.
- That 's the word.
490
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:38,400
And what a wonderful word it is.
491
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:41,160
I'm so lonely.
492
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:46,000
Coach's very strict about keeping us
away from men during tanning season.
493
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:47,960
It 's too bad you're gay, Nick.
494
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:50,440
- Good night.
- Inga, wait, wait.
495
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:53,880
I've always been curious
about your country.
496
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:55,960
- Mind if I ask you something?
- Yeah.
497
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:57,960
What would you like
to know about, Nick?
498
00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:02,640
Our cities, our lakes and rivers,
our safe and sturdy automobiles?
499
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:06,400
I'm a big fan of your cinema.
I've rented quite a bit of it.
500
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:10,480
I've noticed your people's progressive
attitude towards premarital sex.
501
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:15,760
So I was wondering, theoretically,
if my own sexual orientation were...
502
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:19,200
If you're asking if I'd sleep with you if
you were straight the answer is "Ja".
503
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:21,760
- "Ja"? "Ja" means "Yes", right?
- Ja!
504
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:24,080
Inga, I have a surprise for you.
I'm straight.
505
00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:28,400
I'm as straight as a Volvo going
down an Oslo toll road.
506
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:32,880
- But Oslo is in Norway.
- The point is... we can make love.
507
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:35,920
I know that 's the best news
I've ever heard.
508
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:39,000
I'm cabin 4433.
Meet me in five minuten.
509
00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:41,680
You got it. Five minuten.
510
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:45,360
And not a minuten more.
511
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,560
Hello. Are there any condoms
available on this ship?
512
00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:55,960
Come in. Door is open.
513
00:34:59,720 --> 00:35:01,720
Coach.
514
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,440
Changing room assignments.
You bunk with Pia.
515
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:08,440
- But why, coach?
- You cannot be trusted with minibar.
516
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:11,720
- You are in training.
- But coach, I eat nothing all day.
517
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:14,000
You ate yesterday, ja?
518
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:16,960
Your butt is disgusting.
I better double check.
519
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:20,680
Ja, disgusting.
520
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:22,360
Both cheeks.
521
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:27,600
Ja, ja, ja. Move it, fattie.
522
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:30,160
- Knock it off and go to bed.
- Alright, coach.
523
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:34,000
Thank you for lending me
your jacket.
524
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:38,000
- So, what do you do on this ship?
- I'm a dance teacher.
525
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:41,000
- Wow. Teaching dance must be fun.
- It can be.
526
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,040
Especially on the gay cruises.
527
00:35:43,240 --> 00:35:45,160
They're much more fun
than the straight ones.
528
00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:46,160
Why is that?
529
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:49,160
The guys that go on the straight
cruises... all you meet are these...
530
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,920
...horny creeps.
- Oh, I got a friend like that.
531
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:57,560
I bet men hit on you all the time.
532
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:00,640
You've got a hot ass.
533
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:02,360
Excuse me?
534
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:05,360
Your ass. It 's hot.
535
00:36:06,720 --> 00:36:07,680
Thanks.
536
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:13,400
Your butt 's nothing
to sneeze at, either.
537
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:17,000
So...
538
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:19,760
...you must have a boyfriend.
- No, no, no.
539
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:21,280
- No boyfriend.
- Really?
540
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:22,360
Why not?
541
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:27,240
Every boyfriend I've ever had has
turned out to be a son of a bitch.
542
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:30,000
- Well, not every guy is a...
- I know what you're thinking.
543
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:31,440
I just never met "the right guy".
544
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:34,800
Trust me, honey. I've met every type
out there and it 's pretty bad.
545
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:38,600
Liars, guys with two wives,
guys with commitment issues...
546
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:43,040
guys with parole issues.
You name it, I've dated them all.
547
00:36:43,240 --> 00:36:45,440
Which is why I'm so relieved
to be on this boat.
548
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:48,360
There's not one
straight man in sight.
549
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:50,360
- Excuse me?
- It 's so great...
550
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,480
because I can really be myself.
I don't care about makeup...
551
00:36:53,720 --> 00:36:55,280
I don't care about what
I'm wearing...
552
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:57,440
if a guy is talking to me because
he wants to get into my pants...
553
00:36:57,640 --> 00:36:59,800
- Gabriella...
- You know what else?
554
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:02,400
Let 's say I do get horny one day.
555
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:07,320
Maybe I can even find a gay guy
and he can do me the favor.
556
00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:10,560
- The favor?
- How do you say in English?
557
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:15,920
Make me scream, make me moan.
Screw my brains out.
558
00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:22,360
I don't mean to be a bitch...
559
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:28,760
but these staterooms
could use a bit more color.
560
00:37:31,240 --> 00:37:32,960
Now we are laying down to sleep.
561
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:36,440
Our hot tight bodies
the Lord will keep.
562
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:45,120
Inga darling, it 's me, Nicky.
563
00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:47,720
I'm here.
564
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:59,160
Reverend Lindstrom, "nej".
565
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:02,600
Just think of what
would the bishop say.
566
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:07,120
Who's knocking at my doors?
567
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:10,520
Oh, my God!
568
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:12,760
Let 's go downtown, baby.
569
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:19,800
Help me, Jesus!
570
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:22,200
I don't want to die!
571
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,400
"Nej, nej, nej.
Ja, ja, ja, ja."
572
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:46,440
Get off me!
573
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:55,560
What 's that?
574
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:57,720
It 's coming from the coach's room.
575
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:03,240
Smoking sturgeons!
Coach's pussy just blew up.
576
00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:06,680
It was good for me, ja.
577
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,040
Oh, Jesus.
578
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:55,680
I gotta tell you,Nick.
She's so great.
579
00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:59,520
We had so much fun.
We talked, we laughed.
580
00:39:59,720 --> 00:40:02,240
Can you hand me one of those
cheese-flavored penises?
581
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:07,080
Gabriella is everything I've ever
wanted in a woman. I even pierced...
582
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:08,760
...my ear for her.
- You better make sure...
583
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,560
...it 's the right ear.
- Of course it 's...
584
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:19,280
- Yeah, I better look into that.
- How was your evening?
585
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:22,520
Let 's just say I had some bad
shellfish and leave it at that.
586
00:40:22,720 --> 00:40:25,040
- Hey. Hold on a second. See ya.
- Here she comes.
587
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:27,000
- Grab my ass.
- What are you? Crazy?
588
00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:29,920
I told her I was gay. Now wet
your lips and look at me lovingly.
589
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:31,640
- Do I look like a homo to you?
- Yes.
590
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:33,320
An out of shape one,
but we have those too.
591
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:36,520
Thank you very much. That 's enough.
Moving along. Nothing to see here.
592
00:40:36,720 --> 00:40:38,920
What do you want me to do?
Act like I'm gay?
593
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:40,080
- Hi, boys.
- Hi.
594
00:40:40,240 --> 00:40:42,000
I don't believe you two have
formally been introduced.
595
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:44,800
- This is my life partner.
- I'm not his life...
596
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:46,680
He's a little seasick this morning.
597
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:49,240
- Maybe he's just a little lovesick.
- Right!
598
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,800
- We're into S&M.
- Okay.
599
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:58,800
If you feel better later you would
like to come to my new class?
600
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:02,960
- Yeah? It 's dirty dancing.
- Dirty dancing?
601
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:05,760
- So taboo.
- What the hell's wrong with you?
602
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:07,720
"He's my life partner".
603
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:11,640
You need to keep an open mind.
Nick! Hey!
604
00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:16,280
- It 's only for a few days.
- Quit bugging me.
605
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:18,080
I'm getting my nuts handed to me
on a platter.
606
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:20,680
- I wouldn't mind seeing that.
- Don't say it!
607
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:26,200
- Why not?
- Cause I won't, that 's why.
608
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:27,800
Be a friend.
609
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:30,160
As a friend?
You're a wiener.
610
00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:32,960
Now buzz off. I'm trying
to concentrate on my workout.
611
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:36,280
You're not working out.
612
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:04,920
Nick, if you do me this one favor,
I promise you I...
613
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:07,120
Nick!
614
00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:10,360
Come on, listen.
I'm begging you.
615
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:18,680
- Maybe I'll skip the steam.
- That 's a good idea.
616
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:22,600
Listen...
617
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:27,600
After what happened with Felicia, I
thought I'd never feel this way again.
618
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:30,000
Why are you making such
a big deal about this girl?
619
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:33,000
- She's a classic man-hater.
- No, no, no.
620
00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:36,440
Gabriella doesn't mean it. She's just
had bad luck with guys she dates...
621
00:42:36,640 --> 00:42:39,840
because they only want to have sex
with her. You know the type.
622
00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:42,960
Don't ever take sides
against the guys.
623
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:47,520
Nick, I just need a few days
to get to know her.
624
00:42:47,720 --> 00:42:49,360
Then I'll tell her the truth.
625
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:56,520
Why are you hiding
from that woman?
626
00:42:57,080 --> 00:42:59,640
Hiding? I'm not hiding.
I have a cramp.
627
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:02,520
Nick, I'm desperate.
628
00:43:02,720 --> 00:43:06,640
- What if I offered to pay you?
- Pay me! How dare you!
629
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,400
You think I'd sacrifice my dignity,
my self-esteem...
630
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:13,600
my whole way of life for a few,
measly dollars? No!
631
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:16,840
- Five hundred, cash?
- I'll do it!
632
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:21,080
- Come closer, you're too far away.
- No!
633
00:43:21,240 --> 00:43:22,600
Hey, hey. Hold on.
634
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:25,800
Beautiful. Very nice, everyone.
I love it.
635
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:29,400
Jerry, you're light on your feet.
636
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:31,640
This whole place
is light on its feet.
637
00:43:34,560 --> 00:43:37,240
Nick, your body's too stiff.
Wait. Listen to me.
638
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:40,320
Your body's too stiff.
I want you to loosen up. Come on.
639
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:43,120
There you go. Move it and then
go on, dance by yourself.
640
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,880
Feel the music, Nick.
Feel it.
641
00:43:56,480 --> 00:43:57,560
Feel it.
642
00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:20,760
Okay, everyone.
Change partners.
643
00:44:25,720 --> 00:44:28,560
Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha.
We meet again, "chêrie".
644
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:30,640
I hope that 's your belt buckle
I feel back there.
645
00:44:32,240 --> 00:44:34,720
You know, from the moment
we met, I felt there was...
646
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:38,960
...an electrical charge between us.
- I think your pacemaker shortened out.
647
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:42,800
How did you know
I like to be humiliated?
648
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:45,680
Look, Lloyd, you're barking up
the wrong tree here.
649
00:44:46,240 --> 00:44:47,920
I know.
650
00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:52,080
- You want to lead.
- Lloyd, I'm not...
651
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:54,960
interested.
652
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:58,040
That 's alright. I'm a patient man.
I can wait.
653
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:01,960
I'm also very rich.
654
00:45:02,720 --> 00:45:04,880
You know,
I'd like to spoil you, Nick.
655
00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:08,120
Take you to places
you've never been.
656
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:10,520
Show you things you've never seen.
657
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:12,800
I'd like to...
658
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:16,280
Jerry!
659
00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:18,720
Cha-cha-cha.
660
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:21,960
That 's it.
661
00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:24,240
You know, you're
a really good dance teacher.
662
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:27,080
Really? It 's fun to
teach a class like this.
663
00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:29,800
I always felt too self-conscious
to really...
664
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:33,680
...cut loose, you know?
- We have a revue here on board.
665
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:35,440
It 's like an amateur night thing.
666
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:38,000
- You think you'd be interested?
- Too public.
667
00:45:38,240 --> 00:45:41,000
- I'm more of a closet dancer.
- That 's a shame.
668
00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:44,360
- Because I'm the choreographer.
- Really?
669
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:49,000
Well, for you,
I might just waltz out of the closet.
670
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:54,040
- You know... it 's strange.
- What 's that?
671
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:57,400
The way you stare at me sometimes.
672
00:45:57,600 --> 00:45:59,600
The way you touch me like that,
you know?
673
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:02,440
It 's exactly the way
a straight guy would.
674
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:05,760
Me? Straight? Girlfriend, please!
675
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:09,240
Nobody's gotta teach me
how to be gay.
676
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:14,600
Bette Midler is also known
as the Divine Miss...
677
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:18,920
- M?
- Very good!
678
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:20,960
Very good.
Oh, sorry!
679
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:24,480
Okay, now describe the Brandy
Alexander you're drinking.
680
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:29,280
- Refreshing.
- No, no, no! It is to die for!
681
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:34,200
Also acceptable divine,
marvellous, charming and ooh-la-la.
682
00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:41,280
At first lwas afraid
lwas petrified
683
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:45,800
Kept thinking I could never live
Without you by my side
684
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:48,560
But then I spent so many nights
685
00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:50,920
Thinking how you did me wrong
686
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:52,720
And I grew strong
687
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:55,000
And I learned how to get along
688
00:46:55,240 --> 00:46:56,760
And now you're back
689
00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:58,840
From outer space
690
00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:02,160
I just walked in to see you there
With that sad look upon your
691
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:04,360
Why you stopped singing?
692
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:07,880
I don't know the words.
693
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:12,320
You want to convince people you're
gay and you don't know the words?
694
00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:15,400
Singing disco tunes
and wearing calypso outfits...
695
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:17,600
is not going to help me
convince Gabriella that I'm gay.
696
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:19,240
Hector, this is stupid.
697
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:25,960
Are you humming "I Will Survive?"
698
00:47:26,160 --> 00:47:28,080
That 's right.
And I know all the words.
699
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:32,960
- You're looking at me like I'm crazy.
- I'm not.
700
00:47:33,240 --> 00:47:34,160
- You know what?
- What?
701
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:37,320
Champagne usually
makes me a crazy, too.
702
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:39,880
Champagne, ocean air...
703
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:42,360
strange things might happen.
704
00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:45,720
I might turn into
a raging heterosexual.
705
00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:52,240
I should be so lucky.
Can you imagine?
706
00:47:52,720 --> 00:47:55,200
You know what? Let 's get
this party on its feet. Come on.
707
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:27,960
Inga, it 's me, Nicky.
708
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:29,960
Open up.
709
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:31,160
Nicky.
710
00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:33,880
- So Mr. Tongue has a name.
- I'm sorry about what happened.
711
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:36,280
You don't have to hit me.
The deed was punishment enough.
712
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:38,240
"Nej, nej, nej."
713
00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:40,920
If we ever hook up again,
I want to show you.
714
00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:43,600
- I can reciprocate.
- Reciprocate?
715
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:29,200
Hey, Nick!
716
00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:31,800
Hey, fresh meat.
Have a seat, Nick.
717
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:33,880
I can always use
a little extra spending money.
718
00:49:34,080 --> 00:49:36,000
What the hell, I can use
a quiet game of poker.
719
00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:40,640
Sorry I'm late, boys. I had trouble
squeezing into this pantyhose.
720
00:49:40,840 --> 00:49:43,240
- So, what 's the game?
- Five card stud.
721
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:46,760
- Very appropriate.
- Let 's play some cards.
722
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:52,640
- I'm tired. Are you tired?
- Yeah! Wait. One more.
723
00:51:06,800 --> 00:51:08,760
Hector!
724
00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:11,200
You've been on a boat before.
725
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:14,160
- Is it safe?
- Of course it 's safe!
726
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:17,080
As long as you are responsible.
727
00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:19,600
You mean the storm?
Well, that I do not know.
728
00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:24,800
Hector, let me ask you something.
729
00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:28,360
- How many cruises have you been on?
- Including this one?
730
00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:30,240
That would make it...
731
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:35,000
one. You see, I only recently
came all the way out of the closet.
732
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:38,840
Recently, really?
I would've figured kindergarten.
733
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:41,040
No. Well, let me tell you.
It wasn't easy.
734
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:43,520
But it 's better to be true
to yourself...
735
00:51:43,720 --> 00:51:45,680
than to lie to the world.
736
00:51:47,240 --> 00:51:48,680
It must 've taken a lot of guts.
737
00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:50,080
It 's funny, you know?
738
00:51:50,240 --> 00:51:52,800
These guys I'm playing poker with.
Steven, Tom, Ron.
739
00:51:53,160 --> 00:51:54,520
Steven's a doctor.
740
00:51:54,720 --> 00:51:56,080
A gay heart surgeon.
Who would've thought?
741
00:51:56,600 --> 00:51:59,640
Ron's a criminal defence attorney.
He represents some bad-assed dudes.
742
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:02,120
Tom's cross-dresser
and pastry chef.
743
00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:04,800
Okay, I would have guessed that.
744
00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:07,320
But still,
they're a great bunch of guys.
745
00:52:07,960 --> 00:52:09,720
- So what are you saying?
- What am I saying?
746
00:52:09,880 --> 00:52:14,560
What I'm saying is I kinda wanted
to hang out more with these guys.
747
00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:19,960
But there was a part of me that
felt it was somehow wrong...
748
00:52:20,160 --> 00:52:21,560
to be friends with gay men.
749
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:26,520
And that...
makes me feel like a jerk.
750
00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:32,040
Sit.
751
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:34,000
Come on, sit.
752
00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:42,160
You know, my Papa, he used to
think that to be gay was "muy malo".
753
00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:43,960
A big shame.
754
00:52:45,640 --> 00:52:48,280
He no talk to me for 2O years.
His own blood.
755
00:52:49,080 --> 00:52:52,920
Now he's sick, he's dying.
He asks for me. He say to me...
756
00:52:53,160 --> 00:52:56,760
"Hector, I waste so much time.
757
00:52:57,920 --> 00:53:03,120
We're all God's children.
I'm so sorry." He said so.
758
00:53:11,040 --> 00:53:14,680
You see, my Papi, he's like you.
A real jerk.
759
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:17,480
He just needed to learn.
760
00:53:18,720 --> 00:53:20,840
You learn too, my friend.
761
00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:31,240
I'm hurting.
762
00:53:31,440 --> 00:53:33,920
It feels so good
to get off my feet!
763
00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:37,160
I couldn't agree with you more.
764
00:53:40,200 --> 00:53:41,760
You know what?
765
00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:45,040
I've got to get out
of these clothes.
766
00:53:45,640 --> 00:53:47,560
I couldn't agree with you more.
767
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:52,840
Listen, would you mind doing me
a huge, huge favor?
768
00:53:53,200 --> 00:53:55,080
Would you spend the night with me?
769
00:53:55,520 --> 00:53:56,520
What?
770
00:53:57,360 --> 00:53:58,680
Yeah, you know, it 's the storm.
771
00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:01,560
I wouldn't mind cuddling
under the covers with somebody.
772
00:54:02,720 --> 00:54:04,520
You think Nick would mind?
773
00:54:08,200 --> 00:54:09,680
Fuck Nick.
774
00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:14,960
Is this storm getting worse,
or am I too drunk or...
775
00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:18,440
I have a theory.
776
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:21,080
I think if we drank more...
777
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:23,720
we might be able to maintain
perfect equilibrium.
778
00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:28,880
I'll try that in the pursuit
of science.
779
00:54:29,080 --> 00:54:30,680
I'll get us another round.
780
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:32,640
I have a better idea.
781
00:54:33,240 --> 00:54:37,360
I have a fifty-year old bottle
of cognac in my room...
782
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:41,480
...and I'm gonna go get it.
- I'll go with you.
783
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:44,400
I could use the exercise.
784
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:49,320
Jerry, we can get out
from under the covers.
785
00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:52,480
I think the storm was over,
like, half an hour ago.
786
00:54:53,560 --> 00:54:56,200
It was one hell of a storm, though.
787
00:54:57,320 --> 00:54:59,880
You know, I have something
you're gonna love.
788
00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:05,240
- Get ready to have an orgasm.
- What?
789
00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:07,040
Open wide.
790
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:11,960
- Good?
- Yeah.
791
00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:19,040
- Do me.
- You're so lucky I'm gay.
792
00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:32,200
- Can I ask you something?
- Shoot.
793
00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:35,200
- How do you do it?
- Do what?
794
00:55:36,240 --> 00:55:38,720
- Give head.
- What?
795
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:43,560
A blow job. I mean, do you start
on the tip of his penis?
796
00:55:43,960 --> 00:55:46,240
Or you stroke it
while you use your mouth?
797
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:49,040
- Do you tickle the balls?
- Not everybody likes that.
798
00:55:50,120 --> 00:55:52,280
As a person who gives them
and receives them...
799
00:55:52,440 --> 00:55:54,800
you must know the perfect way.
Show me.
800
00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:57,280
What?
801
00:55:59,160 --> 00:56:00,800
Okay.
802
00:56:11,360 --> 00:56:13,120
You...
803
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:15,360
It 's a little small.
804
00:56:16,200 --> 00:56:17,600
You know, I got an idea.
805
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:21,680
Why don't you show me your
technique, and then I'll critique it.
806
00:56:23,480 --> 00:56:25,400
- Okay.
- Okay.
807
00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:27,720
- Okay.
- Okay.
808
00:56:29,280 --> 00:56:31,160
So look. First...
809
00:56:31,400 --> 00:56:35,920
I slowly lick the tip
with my tongue, right?
810
00:56:43,920 --> 00:56:45,880
- Right?
- That 's good.
811
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:49,120
Then I gently go down
the shaft with my lips.
812
00:56:49,200 --> 00:56:51,840
And in time, I tickle the balls
813
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:52,840
Very softly
814
00:56:52,960 --> 00:56:56,880
Then I twirl my tongue
all the way...
815
00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:01,640
back to the top.
816
00:57:02,040 --> 00:57:04,640
Then I wet my lips.
817
00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:08,360
I do a little playful nibbling.
818
00:57:11,680 --> 00:57:14,280
"Eso me encanta
porque es maravilloso."
819
00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:17,720
"Eu te amo, te amo."
820
00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:22,520
How's that?
Jerry?
821
00:57:22,720 --> 00:57:24,560
That 's fine!
822
00:57:28,480 --> 00:57:31,960
For goodness' sake, Lloyd.
At least kiss me first.
823
00:57:33,440 --> 00:57:36,360
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did.
824
00:57:39,240 --> 00:57:41,440
Now, where did I put that bag?
825
00:57:41,760 --> 00:57:43,760
I'm just going to lay down.
826
00:57:49,280 --> 00:57:51,160
Got it.
827
00:57:52,960 --> 00:57:55,280
Now, before we go
back up with the boys...
828
00:57:55,440 --> 00:57:58,040
what do you say
we do a couple of shots?
829
00:57:59,200 --> 00:58:02,440
You're a goddamned genius.
830
00:58:02,640 --> 00:58:04,120
Here you go.
831
00:58:56,520 --> 00:58:58,640
Oh...
832
00:58:58,840 --> 00:59:00,560
my...
833
00:59:00,760 --> 00:59:01,720
God!
834
00:59:11,240 --> 00:59:13,040
What are you doing?
835
00:59:13,360 --> 00:59:16,480
I have a horrible taste in my mouth,
Jerry, and I can't get rid of it.
836
00:59:16,680 --> 00:59:18,160
Did you eat something weird?
837
00:59:18,360 --> 00:59:19,680
Yeah.
838
00:59:20,480 --> 00:59:22,960
- I did a bad, bad thing, Jerry.
- What?
839
00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:25,920
You know how the sea air makes
you disoriented and there was...
840
00:59:26,080 --> 00:59:30,280
the drinking and the partying
and I slept with a man, Jerry.
841
00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:33,400
Very funny.
842
00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:35,720
No, it 's not.
843
00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:37,920
I just woke up in Ron's stateroom.
844
00:59:38,240 --> 00:59:39,960
- With Ron.
- What?
845
00:59:42,200 --> 00:59:44,240
I've chased a lot of women, Jerry.
846
00:59:44,440 --> 00:59:45,880
To be honest...
847
00:59:46,560 --> 00:59:49,840
I never actually scored with one
since I was a senior in high school...
848
00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:51,960
and then I had to promise
to marry her.
849
00:59:52,320 --> 00:59:54,880
A fifty-one year old
coffee shop waitress.
850
00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:57,680
And a stroke victim...
851
00:59:58,000 --> 00:59:59,640
with a fake leg...
852
01:00:00,160 --> 01:00:01,800
and a lazy eye...
853
01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:03,960
...and a mole with...
- I got it.
854
01:00:04,200 --> 01:00:05,840
What I'm trying to say is...
855
01:00:06,320 --> 01:00:09,880
maybe I'm meant to do more than
just play cards with these guys.
856
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:14,760
I'm finally happy.
So happy.
857
01:00:15,760 --> 01:00:16,880
I'm gay.
858
01:00:17,120 --> 01:00:20,760
One, two, three, four...
859
01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:24,840
five, six, seven, eight.
860
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:28,480
And one, two, three, four...
861
01:00:28,680 --> 01:00:31,840
five, six, seven, eight.
Good.
862
01:00:32,240 --> 01:00:33,520
Good work, guys. Good work.
863
01:00:33,720 --> 01:00:35,760
Hector, try not shaking
your ass so much.
864
01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:38,040
You mean in the dance,
or in real life?
865
01:00:39,240 --> 01:00:43,520
OK, guys. Thank you for coming. I'll
see you back here tonight at eleven.
866
01:00:43,680 --> 01:00:46,280
Jerry, you are looking
fierce up there.
867
01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:51,160
I can't remember when
I've had this much fun.
868
01:00:51,920 --> 01:00:53,520
You know, you're just great.
869
01:00:53,800 --> 01:00:55,000
Hey!
870
01:00:55,960 --> 01:00:57,960
- Are you gonna go to the island?
- I am.
871
01:00:58,160 --> 01:00:59,520
Do you want me to be
your tour guide?
872
01:00:59,680 --> 01:01:01,200
I know the island very well.
873
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:04,320
- That would be yummy.
- Yummy.
874
01:01:04,560 --> 01:01:05,840
Let 's go.
875
01:01:16,280 --> 01:01:19,560
Nicholas... I was beginning
to wonder about you.
876
01:01:19,840 --> 01:01:24,160
I'm glad to see you finally got that
luscious full figure frame of yours...
877
01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:27,280
...in the right dinghy.
- It 's amazing.
878
01:01:27,480 --> 01:01:31,400
A day ago I would've punched you in
the face for saying a thing like that.
879
01:01:31,640 --> 01:01:33,200
- This place is paradise.
- Oh, yeah.
880
01:01:33,360 --> 01:01:35,080
- We're gonna have an awesome time.
- I'll say.
881
01:01:35,240 --> 01:01:38,120
I can already feel the men around here
undressing me with their eyes.
882
01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:41,640
- Hungry? Want something to eat?
- Nope. I have a better idea.
883
01:01:41,800 --> 01:01:43,920
- Let 's go exploring first.
- Great.
884
01:01:45,080 --> 01:01:47,840
Daddy, thanks so much for finding
out where Jerry is for me.
885
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:50,040
Yeah, I'm sure things are gonna
work out, too.
886
01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:51,840
Bye-bye. Love you, Daddy.
887
01:01:52,440 --> 01:01:53,880
How do I get
to the Olympic Voyager?
888
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:55,040
Right this way, madam.
889
01:01:55,280 --> 01:01:57,960
Be careful with those bags. They're
worth more than you make in a year.
890
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:02,040
Bon voyage... bitch.
891
01:02:03,320 --> 01:02:06,640
- Hi Nick. How you doing?
- Hey, fine.
892
01:02:06,880 --> 01:02:08,800
I'm not sore, or anything.
893
01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:10,680
Hey buddy, about last night...
894
01:02:11,440 --> 01:02:14,520
I understand why it happened.
I mean, I'm pretty charismatic.
895
01:02:14,720 --> 01:02:18,560
If the moon hits me in just the right
way, I can look pretty damn tasty.
896
01:02:19,200 --> 01:02:23,520
You're okay too, but I just really
rather we stay friends.
897
01:02:23,880 --> 01:02:25,880
Alright. Me too, Nick.
898
01:02:26,080 --> 01:02:27,040
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
899
01:02:27,240 --> 01:02:28,480
- Wow.
- Yeah.
900
01:02:28,680 --> 01:02:30,760
If I had said that to a chick,
she'd be a total mess right now.
901
01:02:31,320 --> 01:02:32,600
I'm starting to see the upside
to this whole thing.
902
01:02:32,800 --> 01:02:35,640
You do what Sonya says, team
You do what Sonya says
903
01:02:35,840 --> 01:02:36,760
One, two, three, four.
904
01:02:36,960 --> 01:02:40,120
Woke upwith no tanning cream
Now you're off the tanning team
905
01:02:40,320 --> 01:02:44,480
- One, two, three, four.
- Coach, it 's the Hawaiian Tropic team.
906
01:03:01,200 --> 01:03:02,920
Hey, break it up, ladies! Come on!
907
01:03:03,120 --> 01:03:05,600
Come on! Take it easy!
908
01:03:05,960 --> 01:03:08,240
Break it up! Break it up!
909
01:03:08,480 --> 01:03:10,200
Save it for the tanning competition!
910
01:03:10,400 --> 01:03:14,040
Bad! You are bad.
Now everybody move out! Now!
911
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:23,280
Okay, girls.
Get your heinies on the donkeys.
912
01:03:23,520 --> 01:03:25,080
Now.
913
01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:27,800
Nick.
914
01:03:29,080 --> 01:03:32,280
I just wanted to say goodbye.
I'm going to the airport now.
915
01:03:32,480 --> 01:03:35,640
Inga, it was great almost
knowing you.
916
01:03:35,840 --> 01:03:38,640
Nick, if you're ever near
Gettzemüllersteigen, Sweden...
917
01:03:38,800 --> 01:03:42,720
...I would love to see you again.
- I don't think so, baby.
918
01:03:42,920 --> 01:03:44,480
I don't think this is gonna work out.
919
01:03:45,080 --> 01:03:47,640
But, I thought you liked me, Nick.
920
01:03:48,960 --> 01:03:52,640
- I'm confused.
- So am I. You don't even know.
921
01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:55,480
You better hurry.
You have an ass to catch.
922
01:03:58,400 --> 01:04:00,120
And you...
923
01:04:00,320 --> 01:04:01,560
Hey.
924
01:04:04,240 --> 01:04:06,320
And go.
925
01:04:08,480 --> 01:04:10,520
Oh, it feels good.
926
01:04:12,280 --> 01:04:15,200
Hey, Nick. About last night...
927
01:04:15,400 --> 01:04:17,520
you don't think
anything happened, do you?
928
01:04:18,160 --> 01:04:21,280
- What do you think happened?
- Nothing.
929
01:04:21,480 --> 01:04:23,800
You and I drank too much
and then fell asleep.
930
01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:26,080
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
931
01:04:26,840 --> 01:04:29,200
Inga!
932
01:04:31,560 --> 01:04:33,480
Inga!
933
01:04:33,840 --> 01:04:35,800
Well, I think we lost
that one forever.
934
01:04:36,040 --> 01:04:37,760
A lot of potential in that boy.
935
01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:40,040
He could've been
one of the great ones.
936
01:04:40,680 --> 01:04:43,520
I saw in him
what I saw in Elton John.
937
01:04:51,560 --> 01:04:53,600
Had your Vitamin C today?
938
01:04:55,240 --> 01:04:58,560
You know, you really make me laugh.
939
01:05:03,200 --> 01:05:04,960
I'm so glad we met.
940
01:05:08,040 --> 01:05:09,480
You know...
941
01:05:09,680 --> 01:05:14,000
it really is a shame
to let this place go to waste.
942
01:05:15,240 --> 01:05:16,600
Just a friendly kiss?
943
01:05:21,360 --> 01:05:23,520
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
944
01:05:23,960 --> 01:05:25,760
I don't want to feel like I am...
945
01:05:25,920 --> 01:05:28,240
pressuring you into doing something
you don't want to do.
946
01:05:28,680 --> 01:05:30,800
I want to do this very badly.
947
01:05:31,000 --> 01:05:32,600
- Really?
- Yes.
948
01:05:33,000 --> 01:05:35,240
So, let me be your guide.
949
01:05:36,080 --> 01:05:39,320
And I promise I'm gonna be gentle.
950
01:05:39,520 --> 01:05:41,000
I'm gonna be patient.
951
01:05:41,240 --> 01:05:45,080
And I'm going to take it
very, very slowly.
952
01:05:45,320 --> 01:05:46,960
Great.
953
01:06:13,360 --> 01:06:15,280
Jerry... Jerry...
954
01:06:15,680 --> 01:06:18,440
You're a really quick stud.
955
01:06:19,800 --> 01:06:21,720
That 's enough foreplay.
956
01:06:23,720 --> 01:06:27,160
Excuse me. Could you ring
Jerry Robinson's room, please?
957
01:06:27,520 --> 01:06:29,240
Certainly.
958
01:06:36,680 --> 01:06:38,800
No one seems
to be answering, ma'am.
959
01:06:39,000 --> 01:06:40,560
Could you give me his room number?
960
01:06:40,880 --> 01:06:43,200
I'm sorry, we're not allowed
to divulge that information.
961
01:06:43,360 --> 01:06:44,960
Would you like to leave a message?
962
01:06:45,200 --> 01:06:48,360
No, thanks.
I want to surprise him.
963
01:06:49,720 --> 01:06:51,240
Thank you.
964
01:07:01,400 --> 01:07:03,400
You wanna have dinner
with me tonight?
965
01:07:05,040 --> 01:07:07,840
- No.
- Why not?
966
01:07:09,640 --> 01:07:13,120
Because I'm falling in love
with you.
967
01:07:14,200 --> 01:07:16,120
You are?
968
01:07:16,320 --> 01:07:17,880
Yes, I am.
969
01:07:18,080 --> 01:07:22,400
Of all the dumb, boneheaded, romantic
moves I've made over the years...
970
01:07:22,600 --> 01:07:25,760
...this will be the dumbest.
- Now wait a minute.
971
01:07:25,960 --> 01:07:29,080
- This could work.
- How do you think it 's gonna work?
972
01:07:29,280 --> 01:07:31,400
I cannot make you into something
you're not, Jerry.
973
01:07:31,640 --> 01:07:36,080
I do that with every man
I fall for and it has to stop.
974
01:07:38,200 --> 01:07:41,840
- Besides, you already have someone.
- No, I don't.
975
01:07:42,120 --> 01:07:43,800
What about Nick?
976
01:07:47,840 --> 01:07:49,960
That 's just physical.
977
01:07:50,760 --> 01:07:54,400
Listen, I have to accept
who you really are.
978
01:07:54,560 --> 01:07:56,320
I really want to be alone right now.
979
01:08:30,800 --> 01:08:33,160
- Hi.
- Hi.
980
01:08:33,880 --> 01:08:36,240
It 's kind of nice
seeing another woman aboard.
981
01:08:36,440 --> 01:08:37,760
Tell me about it.
982
01:08:37,960 --> 01:08:40,560
All I've seen are men.
Most of them gay.
983
01:08:40,760 --> 01:08:42,440
Well, it is a gay cruise.
984
01:08:45,480 --> 01:08:47,720
- What did you just say?
- You didn't know?
985
01:08:47,880 --> 01:08:51,280
No! I came on board to get back
together with my boyfriend.
986
01:08:51,520 --> 01:08:54,960
I don't get it! Why in the world
would he be on a gay...
987
01:08:59,640 --> 01:09:01,400
Good luck.
988
01:09:01,920 --> 01:09:03,360
Thanks.
989
01:09:03,720 --> 01:09:05,000
We're just gonna put them
on the stage.
990
01:09:05,200 --> 01:09:06,640
Hector!
991
01:09:09,200 --> 01:09:11,000
- Have you seen Gabriella?
- No, I've been looking for her myself.
992
01:09:11,200 --> 01:09:14,240
Everything is falling apart.
The music is not ready.
993
01:09:14,440 --> 01:09:17,320
Victor, the lead dancer, is seasick.
994
01:09:18,120 --> 01:09:22,280
And look at my costume!
It hangs. It 's supposed to drape!
995
01:09:22,840 --> 01:09:25,680
OK, if you see Gabriella, could you
give her this message for me, please?
996
01:09:28,880 --> 01:09:30,400
How could I've been so blind?
997
01:09:30,600 --> 01:09:32,760
I mean, the signs were right
in front of my eyes.
998
01:09:33,960 --> 01:09:39,200
Foreign films... grab a convertible.
Gourmet mustards.
999
01:09:41,280 --> 01:09:45,840
Wait... maybe he's only curious.
1000
01:09:46,000 --> 01:09:48,480
I mean, there was that
one time when I was in college...
1001
01:09:49,160 --> 01:09:52,040
my roommate Bianca and I,
we shared a Jacuzzi.
1002
01:09:54,400 --> 01:09:56,760
That got kinda hot.
1003
01:10:00,280 --> 01:10:03,600
- I got to go, pal. Keep the change.
- Thanks.
1004
01:10:06,160 --> 01:10:12,800
Think twice before you
blow the man down!
1005
01:10:14,600 --> 01:10:17,720
Get everybody ready for the next
number. They have less than a minute.
1006
01:10:20,160 --> 01:10:21,480
What?
1007
01:10:22,200 --> 01:10:25,840
Nobody told me Victor was too sick
to dance. Who's gonna be the lead?
1008
01:10:26,240 --> 01:10:30,840
I' m coming
Comin' out
1009
01:10:33,520 --> 01:10:37,600
I' m comin' out
1010
01:10:38,440 --> 01:10:40,200
Oh, my God.
1011
01:10:41,000 --> 01:10:42,480
I' m comin' out
1012
01:10:43,440 --> 01:10:47,480
lwant the world to know
Got to let it show
1013
01:10:48,800 --> 01:10:50,840
I' m comin' out
1014
01:10:51,040 --> 01:10:53,360
lwant the world to know
1015
01:10:53,560 --> 01:10:55,240
Got to let it show
1016
01:10:56,320 --> 01:11:01,480
I' m comin' out
1017
01:11:03,920 --> 01:11:05,680
There's a new me coming out
1018
01:11:05,880 --> 01:11:09,240
And I just have to live
And I just wanna give
1019
01:11:09,480 --> 01:11:11,440
I' m completely positive
1020
01:11:11,640 --> 01:11:15,240
I think this time around
I am gonna do it
1021
01:11:15,480 --> 01:11:17,040
Like you never knew it
1022
01:11:17,240 --> 01:11:19,400
I' II make it through
1023
01:11:19,840 --> 01:11:23,160
The time has come for me
To break out of a shell
1024
01:11:23,680 --> 01:11:26,840
I have to shout
That I am coming out
1025
01:11:27,440 --> 01:11:28,800
I' m comin' out
1026
01:11:29,480 --> 01:11:31,360
lwant the world to know
1027
01:11:31,640 --> 01:11:33,360
Got to let it show
1028
01:11:34,840 --> 01:11:37,000
I' m comin' out
1029
01:11:37,160 --> 01:11:39,040
lwant the world to know
1030
01:11:39,200 --> 01:11:41,280
Got to let it show
1031
01:11:42,720 --> 01:11:46,800
I' m comin' out
1032
01:11:50,160 --> 01:11:52,240
I' m comin' out
1033
01:11:52,440 --> 01:11:54,320
lwant the world to know
1034
01:11:54,800 --> 01:11:56,240
Got to let it show
1035
01:11:57,880 --> 01:11:59,600
I' m comin' out
1036
01:11:59,800 --> 01:12:01,680
lwant the world to know
1037
01:12:02,720 --> 01:12:04,800
Got to let it show
1038
01:12:05,680 --> 01:12:07,680
I' m comin' out
1039
01:12:08,000 --> 01:12:09,880
lwant the world to know
1040
01:12:10,080 --> 01:12:11,760
Got to let it show
1041
01:12:13,160 --> 01:12:15,400
I' m comin' out
1042
01:12:15,560 --> 01:12:17,440
lwant the world to know
1043
01:12:17,640 --> 01:12:19,880
Got to let it show
1044
01:12:25,520 --> 01:12:28,760
- Cocksucker!
- Felicia!
1045
01:12:31,640 --> 01:12:33,760
I was talking to him.
1046
01:12:37,000 --> 01:12:38,600
Felicia!
1047
01:12:40,360 --> 01:12:43,480
- Felicia! What are you doing here?
- Don't even talk to me.
1048
01:12:43,640 --> 01:12:46,560
- I feel so humiliated.
- Well, how did you find me?
1049
01:12:46,760 --> 01:12:48,320
What were you thinking about
when we were making love, Jerry?
1050
01:12:48,520 --> 01:12:51,040
- Cabana Boys?
- Hey, I am not gay.
1051
01:12:51,240 --> 01:12:53,760
And to think
I wanted to be your wife!
1052
01:12:54,440 --> 01:12:55,800
What?
1053
01:12:56,480 --> 01:12:58,400
I really missed you, Jerry.
1054
01:12:58,680 --> 01:13:00,840
All the special times we had.
We complemented each other.
1055
01:13:01,040 --> 01:13:02,880
We could've built a life together.
1056
01:13:03,680 --> 01:13:05,440
- Build a life together?
- Yes!
1057
01:13:05,640 --> 01:13:08,920
- What about Andrê, the buffer boy?
- It was just a fling.
1058
01:13:09,120 --> 01:13:12,400
A horrible, thoughtless,
insensitive mistake.
1059
01:13:12,640 --> 01:13:14,880
But it showed me
what I really wanted, Jerry.
1060
01:13:15,080 --> 01:13:17,720
A stable, decent man who would
always be there for me.
1061
01:13:19,000 --> 01:13:20,520
And I thought that that was you.
1062
01:13:21,240 --> 01:13:23,120
What are you saying?
You want to get back together?
1063
01:13:23,400 --> 01:13:24,880
Well, I did.
1064
01:13:25,120 --> 01:13:26,760
Before I found out
that you were gay.
1065
01:13:28,480 --> 01:13:30,520
How could you think I'm gay?
1066
01:13:30,800 --> 01:13:33,440
You're standing there preening
like a gay peacock...
1067
01:13:33,640 --> 01:13:35,560
and you don't want me to think
you're tutti-frutti?
1068
01:13:35,760 --> 01:13:40,480
For heaven's sake, Felicia. I'm not
gay and I never have been gay.
1069
01:13:40,640 --> 01:13:42,920
Then why the hell
are you on this boat?
1070
01:13:43,120 --> 01:13:46,720
Nick! Nick and I got on
this cruise by mistake.
1071
01:13:46,920 --> 01:13:50,160
And then I met this girl
and she assumed I was gay!
1072
01:13:50,400 --> 01:13:52,840
And then I stupidly went along
with it because...
1073
01:13:54,560 --> 01:13:55,880
She's behind me, isn't she?
1074
01:14:02,120 --> 01:14:03,560
How could you?
1075
01:14:04,720 --> 01:14:06,480
Gabriella, I'm sorry.
1076
01:14:07,360 --> 01:14:10,440
- I tried to tell you.
- You're an asshole, Jerry.
1077
01:14:15,400 --> 01:14:16,600
Not again!
1078
01:14:21,160 --> 01:14:24,120
That was the girl
I was talking about.
1079
01:14:24,720 --> 01:14:27,840
Well, looks like you
had a dumb fling yourself.
1080
01:14:28,120 --> 01:14:30,920
I'll tell you what.
If you can forgive me...
1081
01:14:31,120 --> 01:14:33,040
I can certainly forgive you.
1082
01:14:33,280 --> 01:14:36,920
And we can get married
just like you always wanted, Jerry.
1083
01:14:37,320 --> 01:14:40,920
I love you, baby.
What do you say?
1084
01:14:43,200 --> 01:14:43,760
Great.
1085
01:14:43,960 --> 01:14:47,280
Now one of the bride and groom
staring at each other lovingly.
1086
01:14:48,320 --> 01:14:51,480
- You look so beautiful.
- Thank you.
1087
01:14:52,040 --> 01:14:56,080
Why don't we both look beautiful?
Take out that earring.
1088
01:14:56,800 --> 01:14:58,720
Felicia is good for me.
1089
01:15:03,120 --> 01:15:06,680
She planned this entire wedding,
all by herself.
1090
01:15:07,840 --> 01:15:10,360
Got me a great job
with her father.
1091
01:15:11,280 --> 01:15:14,240
Got us a new apartment. Picked out
all the linens and plates.
1092
01:15:14,760 --> 01:15:18,200
And as a wedding gift, she gave me
an entire new wardrobe.
1093
01:15:20,800 --> 01:15:23,840
Yep, the only decision I have left
to make for the rest of my life...
1094
01:15:24,040 --> 01:15:26,520
is whether I want to be
buried or cremated.
1095
01:15:26,720 --> 01:15:28,560
No. I take that back.
1096
01:15:28,960 --> 01:15:31,520
We're being buried side by side.
She told me this morning.
1097
01:15:49,760 --> 01:15:51,640
Hey, Jerry, I'm sorry I'm late.
1098
01:15:51,800 --> 01:15:53,920
I had a little bit of a
personal crisis this morning.
1099
01:15:54,120 --> 01:15:55,760
- Is everything alright, pastor?
- Fine, fine.
1100
01:15:55,960 --> 01:15:59,120
Just I had a few personal issues
I had to clarify, but...
1101
01:15:59,320 --> 01:16:01,120
It 's your big day.
Nothing's going to spoil it.
1102
01:16:01,320 --> 01:16:03,120
Glad to see
you finally made it, reverend.
1103
01:16:03,400 --> 01:16:06,280
I got a string quartet back at the
Hyatt about to go into golden time.
1104
01:16:06,560 --> 01:16:08,280
- Congratulations, sir.
- Thank you.
1105
01:16:09,400 --> 01:16:11,040
- They're friends of yours, Jerry?
- Yes, sir.
1106
01:16:11,240 --> 01:16:12,680
I met them on the cruise.
1107
01:16:13,560 --> 01:16:15,920
So you accidentally hopped onto
the Guytanic, too?
1108
01:16:16,280 --> 01:16:19,360
- How's it going?
- I guess not.
1109
01:16:20,000 --> 01:16:22,760
Jerry, I'm gonna keep
my eye on you.
1110
01:16:23,880 --> 01:16:26,920
- What 's up, guys?
- Nick, come here. It 's important.
1111
01:16:29,760 --> 01:16:33,160
There is no more sacred contract
than the bond of marriage.
1112
01:16:33,840 --> 01:16:38,640
And no more spiritual union than
that between a man and a woman.
1113
01:16:39,640 --> 01:16:41,920
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today...
1114
01:16:42,240 --> 01:16:47,760
to bring this man and this woman
together in the eyes of...
1115
01:16:49,840 --> 01:16:51,720
in the eyes of...
1116
01:16:52,960 --> 01:16:54,440
God?
1117
01:16:54,600 --> 01:16:57,600
- God, yeah, that 's what you say.
- No, that 's what you say.
1118
01:16:58,280 --> 01:17:01,640
Yeah, well I used to
until recently. I mean...
1119
01:17:02,440 --> 01:17:04,800
if there was a God would He
allow my wife to run off...
1120
01:17:05,000 --> 01:17:07,320
with a non-union contractor who
overcharged me for a bay window?
1121
01:17:07,520 --> 01:17:11,000
But that 's my problem, I'm sorry, and
it 's your day. I'm sorry. Where was I?
1122
01:17:11,200 --> 01:17:14,760
A happy marriage is the
perfect human relationship.
1123
01:17:15,080 --> 01:17:19,280
A setting in which each partner
feels free to be as he or she is...
1124
01:17:19,480 --> 01:17:21,800
under God's bountiful nature.
1125
01:17:22,480 --> 01:17:25,640
That same nature that allowed
the number 547 PIN code...
1126
01:17:26,240 --> 01:17:29,040
to screw me in a photo.
I'm sorry, where was I?
1127
01:17:30,160 --> 01:17:34,560
If there's anyone present who feels
that these two people should not...
1128
01:17:34,720 --> 01:17:37,080
...be joined together in matrimony...
- Come on.
1129
01:17:37,280 --> 01:17:40,200
...let them speak now,
or forever hold their peace.
1130
01:17:45,840 --> 01:17:46,920
Okay, fine.
1131
01:17:47,120 --> 01:17:50,720
Jerry, then, if there's no objection,
turn to Felicia and repeat after me.
1132
01:17:52,360 --> 01:17:53,600
I, Jerry...
1133
01:17:53,880 --> 01:17:55,320
take you, Felicia...
1134
01:17:55,520 --> 01:17:59,520
...to be my lawful-wedded...
- Stop! Wait! Time out! Time out!
1135
01:17:59,760 --> 01:18:03,520
- Nick! What are you doing?
- I have to say something.
1136
01:18:03,880 --> 01:18:06,280
If I didn't speak now,
I could never live with myself.
1137
01:18:06,800 --> 01:18:08,360
A couple of weeks ago...
1138
01:18:08,560 --> 01:18:11,280
Jerry and I took a cruise together.
1139
01:18:11,960 --> 01:18:14,280
It wasn't the cruise
we intended to take, but...
1140
01:18:14,640 --> 01:18:18,840
it was good we got in the wrong boat
because it changed our lives forever.
1141
01:18:19,080 --> 01:18:23,560
Jerry, if you marry Felicia today,
it will end up in disaster.
1142
01:18:23,960 --> 01:18:27,600
You need to be with the person
you fell in love with on that boat.
1143
01:18:28,560 --> 01:18:34,680
And I know it,
because that person is me.
1144
01:18:38,880 --> 01:18:41,040
How much of that pot
did you smoke?
1145
01:18:41,200 --> 01:18:43,120
I know where Gabriella is.
If you hurry we can catch her.
1146
01:18:44,320 --> 01:18:46,680
Jerry?
What the hell is wrong with you?
1147
01:18:46,920 --> 01:18:51,040
You can't humiliate me like this!
My dad is gonna kill you!
1148
01:18:51,440 --> 01:18:54,440
- Come on, Rocco! Come on, boy!
- Daddy!
1149
01:18:54,640 --> 01:18:56,960
Come on, move! Move!
1150
01:18:57,880 --> 01:18:59,800
Daddy, do something!
1151
01:19:02,320 --> 01:19:04,000
- Where's your car?
- We're not taking my car.
1152
01:19:04,200 --> 01:19:05,920
We'd never make it across town
in this traffic.
1153
01:19:08,600 --> 01:19:09,760
Boys! Boys!
1154
01:19:14,480 --> 01:19:18,040
- Hector! You're a fireman!
- Yes!
1155
01:19:18,840 --> 01:19:20,600
I'm December in our calendar.
1156
01:19:23,520 --> 01:19:25,800
Thank you, Ernie, dear.
1157
01:19:26,000 --> 01:19:27,160
Call me!
1158
01:19:32,560 --> 01:19:34,120
So where is Gabriella?
1159
01:19:34,400 --> 01:19:36,520
She signed up
to work another cruise.
1160
01:19:36,880 --> 01:19:40,160
- When does she leave port?
- Two hours ago!
1161
01:19:40,480 --> 01:19:41,920
Two hours ago?
1162
01:19:42,400 --> 01:19:45,480
And how am I supposed
to find her in the ocean?
1163
01:19:51,080 --> 01:19:52,360
I can't do this!
1164
01:19:52,840 --> 01:19:56,360
- I get motion sickness!
- Yes, you can. Come on, Jerry.
1165
01:19:56,560 --> 01:19:58,400
You're about to be united
with the woman you love.
1166
01:19:58,600 --> 01:19:59,800
What do you think?
1167
01:20:02,320 --> 01:20:05,400
Why don't you calm down?
You are in very, very good hands.
1168
01:20:05,920 --> 01:20:07,640
Are you sure you know
what you're doing?
1169
01:20:08,040 --> 01:20:11,920
I know you only think of me
as a hard-partying old queen...
1170
01:20:12,120 --> 01:20:16,120
but for your information, I spent
32 years in the Armed Forces...
1171
01:20:16,360 --> 01:20:19,640
serving Her Majesty,
the real Queen.
1172
01:20:20,240 --> 01:20:22,480
I've seen action in five different
theaters of war...
1173
01:20:22,680 --> 01:20:26,600
I've made over 49O drops,
23 over hostile territory.
1174
01:20:26,800 --> 01:20:31,600
I'm what you colonials might call
a bad-assed motherfucker...
1175
01:20:31,800 --> 01:20:33,800
who also happens
to be an expert...
1176
01:20:34,000 --> 01:20:37,160
in the delicate art
of Japanese flower arranging.
1177
01:20:38,600 --> 01:20:40,280
Over the target, captain.
1178
01:20:40,800 --> 01:20:42,720
Right! It 's now, or never.
1179
01:20:44,280 --> 01:20:47,040
Come on, Jerry, get out there!
Jump out!
1180
01:20:47,240 --> 01:20:48,160
I can't do this!
1181
01:20:48,560 --> 01:20:51,840
- Go get her, Jerry!
- This is a bad idea!
1182
01:20:55,880 --> 01:20:59,080
Wait, I'm gonna be sick.
I mean it!
1183
01:21:00,960 --> 01:21:02,560
I felt that one.
1184
01:21:02,760 --> 01:21:05,120
Good Lord,
you're a crybaby.
1185
01:21:06,640 --> 01:21:09,920
Five, six, seven, eight. Kick!
1186
01:21:10,120 --> 01:21:12,520
Back! Head, up, down.
1187
01:21:12,680 --> 01:21:14,160
One more time.
1188
01:21:14,360 --> 01:21:17,280
Kick! Back!
Head, up, down.
1189
01:21:17,440 --> 01:21:20,200
I want it sassy, now. Come on.
Kick! Pliê.
1190
01:21:20,480 --> 01:21:23,040
Head, up, down.
And Kick! Pliê!
1191
01:21:23,240 --> 01:21:26,040
I'm not a person
who likes heights!
1192
01:21:26,840 --> 01:21:29,760
I don't feel so good.
I don't feel so good.
1193
01:21:32,160 --> 01:21:34,200
I hate this!
1194
01:21:37,960 --> 01:21:39,080
What is that?
1195
01:21:39,520 --> 01:21:41,760
- I don't like it!
- We're over the target.
1196
01:21:42,440 --> 01:21:44,480
- Prepare for release!
- Release!
1197
01:21:49,520 --> 01:21:50,800
We did it!
1198
01:21:51,640 --> 01:21:53,000
I'm so excited.
1199
01:21:53,200 --> 01:21:56,920
If truth be told, I'm more
than a little excited myself.
1200
01:21:58,000 --> 01:21:59,760
Unhook me, please.
1201
01:22:00,600 --> 01:22:02,240
I don't believe this.
1202
01:22:02,480 --> 01:22:03,960
Help, please.
1203
01:22:04,120 --> 01:22:05,960
This time, I'm gonna
let you drown.
1204
01:22:06,200 --> 01:22:07,960
You're gonna have to drag me
over to the deep end...
1205
01:22:08,160 --> 01:22:10,160
'cause it 's only about
three and a half feet over here.
1206
01:22:10,520 --> 01:22:11,680
What are you doing here?
1207
01:22:11,880 --> 01:22:15,760
I was in the neighbourhood,
so I figured I'd just drop in.
1208
01:22:17,520 --> 01:22:20,560
- Goodbye.
- Gabriella, wait, please.
1209
01:22:25,600 --> 01:22:27,720
I thought I was being
reasonably clever...
1210
01:22:27,920 --> 01:22:30,600
considering I just dropped
1,5OO feet out of an airplane.
1211
01:22:31,040 --> 01:22:32,920
Why did you bother?
1212
01:22:44,920 --> 01:22:47,120
Because I love you.
1213
01:22:47,280 --> 01:22:48,720
Who loves me?
1214
01:22:48,960 --> 01:22:51,040
Gay Jerry as a friend?
1215
01:22:51,240 --> 01:22:55,080
Or is this straight, lying,
deceitful Jerry?
1216
01:22:58,440 --> 01:23:00,800
You've never met this Jerry.
1217
01:23:01,000 --> 01:23:03,400
This is the extremely sorry...
1218
01:23:03,640 --> 01:23:06,480
unbelievably heartbroken
because you left me...
1219
01:23:06,760 --> 01:23:08,480
who'll do anything to get you
to forgive me...
1220
01:23:08,640 --> 01:23:11,440
because I want to spend the rest
of my life with you Jerry.
1221
01:23:13,440 --> 01:23:15,280
Well, you listen to me, Jerry.
1222
01:23:15,480 --> 01:23:17,440
Just because you dropped
out of the sky...
1223
01:23:17,760 --> 01:23:19,720
and made this grand,
romantic gesture...
1224
01:23:19,920 --> 01:23:22,160
doesn't mean that I'm going to
automatically run into your arms.
1225
01:23:22,360 --> 01:23:24,080
Do you understand that?
1226
01:23:24,480 --> 01:23:25,480
- Yes.
- Good.
1227
01:23:29,040 --> 01:23:32,160
Okay, I'm probably going to. But you
shouldn't automatically expect it...
1228
01:23:32,400 --> 01:23:34,080
because if we're going to have
the kind of relationship...
1229
01:23:34,320 --> 01:23:36,760
that one day you're going
to be making up these fantasies...
1230
01:23:41,640 --> 01:23:46,240
Don't you ever,
ever lie to me again.
1231
01:23:46,440 --> 01:23:47,960
I swear.
1232
01:23:56,840 --> 01:23:58,800
I'll never understand it.
1233
01:23:59,040 --> 01:24:00,920
Neither will I.
1234
01:24:18,720 --> 01:24:20,360
Inga!
1235
01:24:23,040 --> 01:24:24,360
Inga...
1236
01:24:24,520 --> 01:24:26,040
Inga...
1237
01:24:26,240 --> 01:24:27,760
Inga...
1238
01:24:43,800 --> 01:24:46,240
My God! My God!
1239
01:24:48,080 --> 01:24:50,960
I'm Nick Ragoni.
I'm a friend of your daughter Inga.
1240
01:24:51,520 --> 01:24:53,960
I've travelled 12 thousand miles
to surprise her.
1241
01:24:54,240 --> 01:24:56,640
You poor thing. You look frozen.
Let me help you up.
1242
01:24:59,400 --> 01:25:01,080
Let me and my son help you up.
1243
01:25:01,280 --> 01:25:03,120
- Johann, come over here.
- Ja.
1244
01:25:05,400 --> 01:25:06,760
Come on.
1245
01:25:07,520 --> 01:25:11,360
This man is obviously
a fan of smorgasbord.
1246
01:25:12,400 --> 01:25:13,760
Ingmar, what 's going on?
1247
01:25:13,960 --> 01:25:16,920
Mother, he is an American friend
of Inga's.
1248
01:25:18,120 --> 01:25:20,560
I hope you didn't go too much
trouble to get here.
1249
01:25:20,800 --> 01:25:22,360
- Inga's not home.
- What?
1250
01:25:22,520 --> 01:25:24,920
She's gone to Italy
on a modelling assignment.
1251
01:25:25,120 --> 01:25:27,120
Won't be back for three months.
1252
01:25:27,280 --> 01:25:32,680
- Oh God, no. I can't believe it.
- You poor boy. You look so cold.
1253
01:25:32,920 --> 01:25:35,720
You'll join us for dinner.
Bridgit?
1254
01:25:35,920 --> 01:25:38,000
Get this man some soup
from the stove.
1255
01:25:40,720 --> 01:25:43,680
Now this is Bridgit.
She wants to be a bikini model...
1256
01:25:43,880 --> 01:25:46,200
...just like her big sister.
- Nice to meet you.
1257
01:25:47,160 --> 01:25:50,320
And Bridgit 's coach will be
joining us for dinner, too.
1258
01:25:58,320 --> 01:26:00,200
Oh, Nicholas.
1259
01:26:01,240 --> 01:26:03,400
Hello.
1260
01:26:04,280 --> 01:26:05,760
We meet again.
1261
01:26:06,305 --> 01:26:12,731
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