1
00:01:27,034 --> 00:01:29,969
Hey, can I get another drink
down here?
2
00:01:30,037 --> 00:01:32,130
I've been to prison once.
3
00:01:32,206 --> 00:01:34,731
I've been married twice.
4
00:01:34,809 --> 00:01:37,073
I was once drafted by
Lyndon Johnson and had to live
5
00:01:37,144 --> 00:01:41,240
in shit-ass Mexico for two
and a half years for no reason.
6
00:01:41,315 --> 00:01:44,910
I've had my eye socket
punched in, a kidney taken out,
7
00:01:44,985 --> 00:01:48,546
and I got a bone chip in my
ankle that's never gonna heal.
8
00:01:49,256 --> 00:01:52,453
I've seen some pretty shitty
situations in my life.
9
00:01:52,526 --> 00:01:55,859
But nothing has ever sucked
more ass than this.
10
00:01:56,764 --> 00:01:59,426
If I'd known I was gonna have to
put up with screaming brats
11
00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:01,468
pissing on my lap for 30 days
out of the year,
12
00:02:01,535 --> 00:02:05,164
I would have killed myself
a long time ago.
13
00:02:07,708 --> 00:02:11,166
Come to think of it,
I still might.
14
00:02:12,546 --> 00:02:15,140
Where I come from,
we didn't celebrate Christmas.
15
00:02:15,216 --> 00:02:17,377
Not because we were Jewish,
but because my dad
16
00:02:17,451 --> 00:02:20,352
was a worthless-coward fucking
asshole whose idea of a present
17
00:02:20,421 --> 00:02:23,083
was a daily punch
to the back of the head.
18
00:02:23,157 --> 00:02:25,751
He did teach me
how to crack a safe, though.
19
00:02:27,161 --> 00:02:30,597
My dad never did shit with his
life, so he took it out on me.
20
00:02:30,664 --> 00:02:33,724
You could say I'm no different.
I'd have to say you were right.
21
00:02:33,801 --> 00:02:36,395
But at this point,
it's too late to start over.
22
00:02:36,470 --> 00:02:38,461
Funny how things work out.
23
00:02:38,539 --> 00:02:40,837
It's fucking hilarious.
24
00:03:01,896 --> 00:03:04,262
There's Santa Claus.
Look there.
25
00:03:08,569 --> 00:03:10,036
Wow.
26
00:03:15,309 --> 00:03:17,402
Oh, my.
What a darling photo.
27
00:03:17,478 --> 00:03:19,378
Are you certain you only want
the single?
28
00:03:19,447 --> 00:03:22,644
Additional photos come in handy
as gifts for Grandma and Grandpa
29
00:03:22,716 --> 00:03:25,082
or as a wonderful remembrance
for friends.
30
00:03:25,152 --> 00:03:26,176
Gee.
You know what?
31
00:03:26,253 --> 00:03:28,221
This one, I think it's more
than enough.
32
00:03:28,289 --> 00:03:31,122
Thanks.
Merry Christmas.
33
00:03:31,725 --> 00:03:33,659
So, what do you want,
little girl?
34
00:03:33,727 --> 00:03:35,524
A drum set.
35
00:03:35,596 --> 00:03:37,461
Oh, the old man will love that.
36
00:03:37,531 --> 00:03:39,761
Okay. Fine.
See you later.
37
00:03:48,976 --> 00:03:51,035
I saw you at another mall.
38
00:03:51,111 --> 00:03:52,908
Well, I'm very happy for you.
39
00:03:52,980 --> 00:03:54,811
You're not really Santa.
40
00:03:54,882 --> 00:03:57,180
If you were Santa,
you could do magic.
41
00:03:57,251 --> 00:03:59,276
You want to see some magic?
42
00:03:59,353 --> 00:04:01,685
Here.
Let's watch you disappear.
43
00:04:02,423 --> 00:04:04,823
Watch the bladder, kid.
Santa's got to pee.
44
00:04:04,892 --> 00:04:06,883
- What do you want?
- A new bike.
45
00:04:06,961 --> 00:04:08,929
Wow. That's a new one.
Excellent.
46
00:04:08,996 --> 00:04:10,293
Attention, shoppers.
47
00:04:10,364 --> 00:04:12,093
The store will be closing
in five minutes.
48
00:04:12,166 --> 00:04:13,895
We hope tomorrow is
a pleasant Christmas.
49
00:04:13,968 --> 00:04:15,230
Thank you for shopping with us.
50
00:04:15,302 --> 00:04:17,862
- Is that it?
- Yeah, that's the last one.
51
00:04:17,938 --> 00:04:20,168
Thank the fuck Christ.
52
00:04:20,875 --> 00:04:22,809
Jesus, Mother Mary, and Joseph.
53
00:04:22,877 --> 00:04:25,072
You pissed yourself.
54
00:04:29,450 --> 00:04:31,441
Aw, Jesus.
55
00:04:33,487 --> 00:04:35,045
Yeah, all right.
56
00:04:35,122 --> 00:04:36,680
Yeah.
57
00:04:37,925 --> 00:04:40,985
Hey, happy holidays.
All right.
58
00:04:41,061 --> 00:04:42,619
Merry Christmas.
59
00:04:43,163 --> 00:04:44,721
Happy holidays.
60
00:04:44,798 --> 00:04:45,992
Get home safe.
61
00:04:46,066 --> 00:04:47,693
Yeah, okay.
62
00:04:47,768 --> 00:04:49,065
I don't care what he says.
63
00:04:49,136 --> 00:04:51,297
- We're going out for a beer.
- What the fuck?
64
00:04:51,372 --> 00:04:53,431
I'll get right back to you.
65
00:04:53,507 --> 00:04:55,941
What the hell's wrong with you?
I'm trying to fucking leave.
66
00:04:56,010 --> 00:04:57,341
Pants are awful baggy.
67
00:04:57,411 --> 00:04:59,379
You got anything in there?
68
00:04:59,446 --> 00:05:02,176
Yeah. My dick.
You want to see it?
69
00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:05,585
Keep pushing me.
70
00:05:05,653 --> 00:05:07,518
I got my eyes on you.
71
00:05:07,588 --> 00:05:09,317
All the time.
72
00:06:12,553 --> 00:06:14,180
Ready.
73
00:06:18,258 --> 00:06:19,350
Jesus.
74
00:07:00,067 --> 00:07:02,365
- How's it going?
- I'm finished when I'm finished.
75
00:07:02,436 --> 00:07:03,698
I'm going back upstairs.
76
00:07:03,771 --> 00:07:05,602
I need a melon baller
and a loofah.
77
00:07:07,441 --> 00:07:09,238
Got it.
78
00:07:12,513 --> 00:07:14,538
Fuck the loofah.
Let's go.
79
00:07:21,388 --> 00:07:23,379
Marcus, you get the loofah?
80
00:07:23,457 --> 00:07:25,015
Drive.
81
00:07:26,994 --> 00:07:28,427
Oh!
82
00:07:31,565 --> 00:07:34,659
Jingle bell, jingle bell,
jingle bell rock
83
00:07:34,735 --> 00:07:38,136
Jingle bells chime
in jingle bell time
84
00:07:38,205 --> 00:07:40,503
Oh, I'm dizzy.
Put me down.
85
00:07:40,574 --> 00:07:41,563
Hey, put me down.
86
00:07:41,642 --> 00:07:43,405
Come on!
Put me down.
87
00:07:44,545 --> 00:07:47,446
Oh, come on.
88
00:07:48,415 --> 00:07:50,542
Oh, man.
89
00:07:54,755 --> 00:07:56,746
Hey, baby, two more of these,
all right?
90
00:07:56,824 --> 00:07:58,917
No.
That's it for me.
91
00:07:59,493 --> 00:08:02,087
You can't drink worth a shit,
you know that?
92
00:08:03,964 --> 00:08:06,797
I weigh 92 pounds, you dick.
93
00:08:07,968 --> 00:08:10,732
Come on. One more.
It's a celebration.
94
00:08:12,506 --> 00:08:13,939
Here's to you.
95
00:08:14,007 --> 00:08:17,841
To have the blues
96
00:08:17,911 --> 00:08:21,870
My baby's gone
97
00:08:21,949 --> 00:08:24,611
You're getting worse,
you know that?
98
00:08:24,685 --> 00:08:26,778
Well, at least I got it open.
99
00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:28,788
It took you long enough.
100
00:08:28,856 --> 00:08:32,519
I remember when you could unlock
a lock like it was nothing.
101
00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:36,688
Yeah, well, you don't have to
worry about me anymore.
102
00:08:37,798 --> 00:08:38,822
I'm out.
103
00:08:38,899 --> 00:08:40,628
Bullshit.
104
00:08:41,668 --> 00:08:44,034
Bullshit, my ass.
105
00:08:44,671 --> 00:08:47,970
We just made $ 111,000
in one night.
106
00:08:48,041 --> 00:08:50,703
Exactly. I figure I got enough
to go to Miami.
107
00:08:50,778 --> 00:08:52,211
And do what?
108
00:08:52,279 --> 00:08:53,803
I don't know. Shit.
Get a car.
109
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:56,441
Get a place, maybe.
110
00:08:56,517 --> 00:08:59,816
Maybe start a business.
A bar out on the beach.
111
00:08:59,887 --> 00:09:01,616
Something like that.
112
00:09:02,122 --> 00:09:06,456
I could quit drinking
and run the place.
113
00:09:06,527 --> 00:09:08,722
Maybe marry a waitress.
114
00:09:11,565 --> 00:09:12,862
What?
115
00:09:12,933 --> 00:09:14,730
You ain't gonna do shit
except go down there
116
00:09:14,802 --> 00:09:16,599
and drink your fucking ass off.
117
00:09:16,670 --> 00:09:18,399
You're gonna piss
everything away
118
00:09:18,472 --> 00:09:21,532
and end up counting the days
till next Christmas.
119
00:09:22,209 --> 00:09:24,177
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
120
00:09:24,244 --> 00:09:25,768
Well, it ain't gonna happen.
121
00:09:26,580 --> 00:09:28,548
If I call you next December...
122
00:09:28,615 --> 00:09:30,776
if I call you next December...
123
00:09:30,851 --> 00:09:32,819
you're gonna be so happy
to hear from me
124
00:09:32,886 --> 00:09:35,116
you're gonna do
a goddamn backflip.
125
00:09:35,189 --> 00:09:37,453
You're gonna put
that Santa hat on so fast
126
00:09:37,524 --> 00:09:39,924
that you're gonna get
fucking hat-burn.
127
00:09:40,761 --> 00:09:42,820
Can I get you guys two more?
128
00:09:47,701 --> 00:09:49,794
No, thanks.
We're all right.
129
00:09:52,506 --> 00:09:54,235
See?
130
00:09:54,308 --> 00:09:56,674
I'm already on the wagon.
131
00:10:29,076 --> 00:10:30,270
Hey. Asshole!
132
00:10:30,344 --> 00:10:31,902
How many times
I got to tell you?
133
00:10:31,979 --> 00:10:33,810
Get out from behind my bar!
134
00:10:35,148 --> 00:10:37,048
Put the drink down right now.
135
00:10:37,117 --> 00:10:39,415
Put the drink down right now!
136
00:10:39,486 --> 00:10:41,147
Ahh.
Fuck you.
137
00:10:41,221 --> 00:10:42,654
- Fuck me, huh?
- Right.
138
00:10:42,723 --> 00:10:45,248
Oh. Hey!
139
00:10:45,826 --> 00:10:47,316
Ow!
140
00:10:47,394 --> 00:10:49,828
Get the fuck out of my bar.
141
00:10:52,432 --> 00:10:53,922
Fuck you!
142
00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:55,025
You're fucking crazy.
143
00:10:55,102 --> 00:10:56,831
Fucking prick.
144
00:10:57,571 --> 00:10:58,765
Asshole!
145
00:10:58,839 --> 00:11:01,205
Get the fuck out of here
right now!
146
00:11:37,244 --> 00:11:39,542
Have a holly
jolly Christmas
147
00:11:39,613 --> 00:11:42,377
And in case you didn't hear
148
00:11:42,449 --> 00:11:45,976
Oh, by golly,
have a holly jolly...
149
00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:47,680
Fucking shit!
150
00:11:47,754 --> 00:11:53,087
Fuck you!
151
00:14:45,031 --> 00:14:46,965
Yeah, baby.
152
00:14:49,436 --> 00:14:52,599
Hey, Tiffany, you want to play
"Hide the Nazi" one day?
153
00:14:59,746 --> 00:15:01,577
God damn it.
154
00:15:04,151 --> 00:15:06,085
Here you go, sweetie.
155
00:15:07,554 --> 00:15:09,488
I got something
for your pretty ass.
156
00:15:09,556 --> 00:15:11,683
- You do?
- Yeah.
157
00:15:14,494 --> 00:15:16,894
Wow. $5.
158
00:15:16,963 --> 00:15:17,952
Thanks.
159
00:15:23,003 --> 00:15:26,404
I gotta listen to my messages,
and you need to take a shower.
160
00:15:27,073 --> 00:15:29,337
I'm a dancer.
I sweat.
161
00:15:29,409 --> 00:15:32,003
Yeah, well, you smell like
a bum's nut sac.
162
00:15:32,078 --> 00:15:34,103
Fuck you.
163
00:15:38,084 --> 00:15:41,611
Message one.
164
00:15:41,688 --> 00:15:43,053
Mr. Soke?
165
00:15:43,123 --> 00:15:47,150
This is Andrew Kaplan again,
from the collection agency.
166
00:15:47,227 --> 00:15:49,695
Message two.
167
00:15:49,763 --> 00:15:51,754
This is Dolores Axelrod.
168
00:15:51,831 --> 00:15:53,856
You ran into my car last week.
169
00:15:53,934 --> 00:15:55,333
I called State Farm,
170
00:15:55,402 --> 00:15:58,803
but they have no record
of any insurance policy for you.
171
00:15:58,872 --> 00:16:01,500
In case you misplaced it,
my phone number is 4...
172
00:16:01,575 --> 00:16:03,475
Message three.
173
00:16:03,543 --> 00:16:06,876
Willie, it's Marcus.
It's that time of year again.
174
00:16:06,947 --> 00:16:10,110
Pack your shit.
Phoenix.
175
00:16:10,217 --> 00:16:13,744
Oh, the weather outside
is frightful
176
00:16:13,787 --> 00:16:17,314
But the fire
is so delightful
177
00:16:17,390 --> 00:16:20,791
And since we've no place
to go
178
00:16:20,860 --> 00:16:24,193
Let it snow, let it snow,
let it snow
179
00:16:24,264 --> 00:16:27,927
Man, it doesn't show signs
of stopping
180
00:16:28,001 --> 00:16:31,903
And I brought me some corn
for popping
181
00:16:31,972 --> 00:16:35,100
The lights are turned
way down low
182
00:16:35,175 --> 00:16:41,341
Let it snow, let it snow
183
00:16:46,019 --> 00:16:47,543
Jesus Christ!
184
00:16:47,621 --> 00:16:50,920
Can you maybe keep it together
for just 10 minutes?
185
00:16:57,530 --> 00:17:00,522
Harrison, just let me explain,
please. Financially...
186
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,534
Well, you get what you paid for,
Chipeska.
187
00:17:02,602 --> 00:17:04,297
Five Christmases I've been here.
188
00:17:04,371 --> 00:17:06,464
You flip me for some stranger
who'll do it for peanuts
189
00:17:06,539 --> 00:17:09,064
and who happens to work
with a real midget.
190
00:17:09,142 --> 00:17:11,337
Nobody cares.
Nobody comes here for the elf.
191
00:17:11,411 --> 00:17:12,742
Santa's the attraction.
192
00:17:12,812 --> 00:17:14,279
I do Burl Ives songs.
193
00:17:14,347 --> 00:17:16,110
Does this schmo
even play guitar?
194
00:17:16,182 --> 00:17:19,640
Look, Harrison, it's not about
the money or the midget.
195
00:17:19,719 --> 00:17:21,482
Believe me, if it was, I...
196
00:17:21,554 --> 00:17:23,249
I don't think they like
"midget. "
197
00:17:23,323 --> 00:17:25,086
I think you're supposed to
call them...
198
00:17:25,158 --> 00:17:27,592
Oh, just forget it.
199
00:17:28,895 --> 00:17:30,624
Hacks!
200
00:17:31,164 --> 00:17:32,028
Hi.
201
00:17:32,098 --> 00:17:34,498
Bob Chipeska.
Welcome.
202
00:17:34,567 --> 00:17:36,558
Great photo and résumé,
by the way.
203
00:17:36,636 --> 00:17:37,398
Thanks.
204
00:17:37,470 --> 00:17:39,563
We've been at this
a long time and all.
205
00:17:39,639 --> 00:17:41,402
We'd like to think we do
a good job.
206
00:17:41,474 --> 00:17:44,068
I'm so glad you guys could
come in on such short notice.
207
00:17:44,144 --> 00:17:46,704
I must say,
your look is just sensational.
208
00:17:46,780 --> 00:17:47,439
Thanks.
209
00:17:47,514 --> 00:17:50,347
We've been at this for years.
You got nothing to worry about.
210
00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:53,284
You two are the best men
for this job, truly.
211
00:17:53,353 --> 00:17:56,686
So don't let his unpleasantness
affect your performance.
212
00:17:56,756 --> 00:17:58,724
- Oh, no. We're fine.
- Performance?
213
00:17:58,792 --> 00:18:01,693
Yes. Uh, your performance.
You know, the, um...
214
00:18:01,761 --> 00:18:03,956
Performance, like sexual?
215
00:18:05,131 --> 00:18:06,291
- Excuse me?
- Willie.
216
00:18:06,366 --> 00:18:08,698
Are you saying there's
something wrong with my gear?
217
00:18:08,768 --> 00:18:10,065
Is that what you're saying?
218
00:18:10,136 --> 00:18:11,603
- I'm sorry. Your gear?
- Willie.
219
00:18:11,671 --> 00:18:13,468
My fuck stick.
220
00:18:15,175 --> 00:18:17,006
Hey, Willie.
Take a seat.
221
00:18:17,077 --> 00:18:18,544
You know how
your blood sugar is.
222
00:18:18,611 --> 00:18:22,069
He's not going to say "fuck
stick" in front of the children?
223
00:18:22,148 --> 00:18:24,082
No, no, no.
It's a joke.
224
00:18:24,150 --> 00:18:27,483
An adult joke for us adults.
225
00:18:27,554 --> 00:18:29,317
It's a joke.
Just a joke.
226
00:18:36,029 --> 00:18:36,996
"Fuck stick"?
227
00:18:37,063 --> 00:18:39,998
Yes. I thought it was
very strange, too.
228
00:18:40,066 --> 00:18:42,557
So, as our security chief,
229
00:18:42,635 --> 00:18:44,762
I wanted you to be aware.
230
00:18:44,838 --> 00:18:47,102
But his little friend promised
he wouldn't say it
231
00:18:47,173 --> 00:18:49,164
in front of the children,
which is fine.
232
00:18:49,242 --> 00:18:52,700
Because, you know,
there is an adult world
233
00:18:52,779 --> 00:18:55,247
and a child's world,
and that's okay.
234
00:18:55,315 --> 00:18:57,078
I'm no censor.
235
00:18:57,150 --> 00:18:57,912
"Little friend"?
236
00:18:57,984 --> 00:19:00,919
Yes, he happens to be a dwarf.
237
00:19:00,987 --> 00:19:03,615
Or midget.
238
00:19:03,690 --> 00:19:06,056
I don't know
what he's called exactly.
239
00:19:06,126 --> 00:19:09,527
But, uh, he's a little guy.
240
00:19:09,596 --> 00:19:12,463
Little Billy Barty.
God rest.
241
00:19:12,532 --> 00:19:13,658
But thin fingers.
242
00:19:13,733 --> 00:19:18,227
Not the fat sausage fingers.
243
00:19:20,273 --> 00:19:22,207
"Little people. "
That's what they like.
244
00:19:22,275 --> 00:19:25,767
Yes. Uh, right.
Little people.
245
00:19:25,845 --> 00:19:27,836
So "fuck stick. "
That's it?
246
00:19:28,782 --> 00:19:30,647
Yeah.
247
00:19:35,688 --> 00:19:41,688
Merry Christmas!
Santa's coming. Yay!
248
00:19:41,761 --> 00:19:44,252
Merry Christmas!
249
00:19:49,369 --> 00:19:51,701
Have you seen that new Santa
they just hired?
250
00:19:51,771 --> 00:19:54,239
Yeah.
He's back there drunk.
251
00:19:58,278 --> 00:20:02,078
He's coming, guys.
Santa will be here real soon.
252
00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:08,485
God damn it!
253
00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:11,581
What the fuck you doing?
You blow this, and we're broke.
254
00:20:11,658 --> 00:20:13,285
So stop acting
like you know something.
255
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:15,054
'Cause, pal of mine,
you don't know squat!
256
00:20:15,128 --> 00:20:17,028
Now, put on your hat
and get out there.
257
00:20:17,096 --> 00:20:20,224
And try to act professional,
for Christ's sakes.
258
00:20:25,839 --> 00:20:27,568
What do you want?
259
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,164
What?
260
00:20:29,242 --> 00:20:30,800
Get out of here.
261
00:20:30,877 --> 00:20:32,606
Next.
262
00:20:33,446 --> 00:20:35,277
Next.
263
00:20:35,348 --> 00:20:37,782
Oh, good.
What do you want?
264
00:20:39,152 --> 00:20:41,052
What do you want?
What are you doing?
265
00:20:43,256 --> 00:20:44,245
God damn it!
266
00:20:44,324 --> 00:20:46,485
Nintendo Deer Hunter 3.
267
00:20:46,559 --> 00:20:48,527
I don't give a shit
what you want.
268
00:20:48,595 --> 00:20:51,257
Blowing snot all over everybody
and fucking whatever.
269
00:20:51,331 --> 00:20:53,356
Next.
Come on.
270
00:20:55,301 --> 00:20:56,859
What do you want?
271
00:20:56,936 --> 00:20:59,200
- Um, Santa?
- Yeah, I'm Santa.
272
00:20:59,272 --> 00:21:00,466
Come on.
What do you want?
273
00:21:00,540 --> 00:21:02,701
- Um, Barbie.
- Say cheese.
274
00:21:02,775 --> 00:21:03,969
Okay. Fine.
Barbie.
275
00:21:04,043 --> 00:21:05,305
Oh, thank you.
276
00:21:05,378 --> 00:21:08,347
Ow! Watch the toenails, kid!
Shit.
277
00:21:08,414 --> 00:21:09,711
Next.
278
00:21:10,817 --> 00:21:12,751
Next!
279
00:21:15,188 --> 00:21:16,280
What do you want?
280
00:21:16,356 --> 00:21:18,881
Fraggle-Stick car.
281
00:21:18,958 --> 00:21:20,949
What the fuck is that?
282
00:21:21,027 --> 00:21:22,585
Fraggle-Stick car.
283
00:21:22,662 --> 00:21:25,631
Well, I heard you.
Fraggle-Stick car. Fine.
284
00:21:40,413 --> 00:21:42,506
Hey, check out this loser.
285
00:21:43,082 --> 00:21:45,448
Hey, fat-ass.
How you doing today?
286
00:21:47,554 --> 00:21:49,112
Hey, loser.
287
00:21:49,188 --> 00:21:51,019
Hey, dipshit.
288
00:21:51,090 --> 00:21:52,648
Moron.
289
00:21:53,192 --> 00:21:55,592
Hey, loser.
How you doing today?
290
00:21:56,396 --> 00:21:58,728
Dumb-ass,
why don't you turn around?
291
00:22:01,868 --> 00:22:04,336
You know what?
Fuck this.
292
00:22:09,042 --> 00:22:10,600
You're next.
293
00:22:10,677 --> 00:22:12,668
Next.
294
00:22:12,745 --> 00:22:16,112
I said next, God damn it.
This is not the DMV, all right?
295
00:22:16,182 --> 00:22:17,877
Move it along.
296
00:22:19,919 --> 00:22:22,319
What's your name?
You can tell me.
297
00:22:24,424 --> 00:22:26,688
I know.
How about Santa?
298
00:22:26,759 --> 00:22:29,319
If you don't tell him,
you won't get a present.
299
00:22:30,430 --> 00:22:31,454
That's right.
300
00:22:31,531 --> 00:22:34,500
Come on and tell Santa
all about it.
301
00:22:38,137 --> 00:22:39,126
What do you want?
302
00:22:41,374 --> 00:22:42,966
Well, come on.
What do you want?
303
00:22:43,042 --> 00:22:44,907
A snot-rag?
304
00:22:47,914 --> 00:22:50,075
Great.
Another fucking Mongoloid.
305
00:22:50,149 --> 00:22:53,482
Marcus, get this kid off me
before he pisses on me.
306
00:22:53,553 --> 00:22:55,214
Don't fuck with my beard.
307
00:22:55,288 --> 00:22:56,755
It's not real.
308
00:22:56,823 --> 00:22:58,313
No shit.
309
00:22:58,391 --> 00:22:59,619
Well, it was real.
310
00:22:59,692 --> 00:23:03,025
But, you see, I got sick
and all the hair fell out.
311
00:23:03,096 --> 00:23:05,030
How did you get sick?
312
00:23:05,632 --> 00:23:07,566
I loved a woman
who wasn't clean.
313
00:23:07,634 --> 00:23:08,726
Mrs. Santa?
314
00:23:08,801 --> 00:23:10,029
No.
It was her sister.
315
00:23:10,103 --> 00:23:12,230
What's it like
at the North Pole?
316
00:23:12,305 --> 00:23:13,670
Like the suburbs.
317
00:23:13,740 --> 00:23:15,230
Which one?
318
00:23:16,142 --> 00:23:17,439
Apache Junction.
319
00:23:17,510 --> 00:23:20,274
What the fuck do you care?
Now, get off my lap.
320
00:23:20,346 --> 00:23:22,337
You sit there
like a fucking retard.
321
00:23:22,415 --> 00:23:24,383
You are really Santa, right?
322
00:23:24,450 --> 00:23:25,781
No.
I'm an accountant.
323
00:23:25,852 --> 00:23:29,310
I wear this fucking thing as
a fashion statement, all right?
324
00:23:29,389 --> 00:23:31,118
Okay.
325
00:23:31,190 --> 00:23:33,715
Get this kid out of here.
He's freaking me out.
326
00:23:39,499 --> 00:23:42,832
I got to get a drink on.
I'll see you tomorrow.
327
00:23:42,902 --> 00:23:45,598
Just don't come into work
stinking of booze again.
328
00:23:45,672 --> 00:23:47,139
Yeah.
Why don't you get going?
329
00:23:47,206 --> 00:23:50,198
You'll be late for your
"Wizard of Oz" Candy Bar Guild.
330
00:23:50,276 --> 00:23:52,676
Lollipop Guild, you asshole.
Jesus!
331
00:23:52,745 --> 00:23:55,145
Two-year-olds flip me shit
better than you.
332
00:23:55,214 --> 00:23:56,306
You saying something to me?
333
00:23:56,382 --> 00:23:59,715
Yeah. I'm gonna stick
my whole fist up your ass.
334
00:24:07,994 --> 00:24:10,588
Jingle bells, jingle bells
335
00:24:10,663 --> 00:24:12,824
Jingle all the way
336
00:24:12,899 --> 00:24:17,063
Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh
337
00:24:17,136 --> 00:24:19,661
Jingle bells, jingle bells
338
00:24:19,739 --> 00:24:21,764
Jingle all the way
339
00:24:21,841 --> 00:24:26,107
Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh
340
00:24:26,179 --> 00:24:30,741
Dashing through the snow
in a one-horse open sleigh
341
00:24:30,817 --> 00:24:35,277
O'er the fields we go,
laughing all the way
342
00:24:35,354 --> 00:24:37,914
Bells on bobtail ring,
making spirits bright
343
00:24:37,990 --> 00:24:39,423
What?
344
00:24:39,492 --> 00:24:44,122
What fun it is to ride and
sing a sleighing song tonight
345
00:24:44,197 --> 00:24:47,030
Jingle bells, jingle bells
346
00:24:47,100 --> 00:24:48,032
Mmm.
347
00:24:48,101 --> 00:24:51,161
Another Grand-Dad, Santa?
348
00:24:51,237 --> 00:24:52,169
Yeah.
349
00:24:52,238 --> 00:24:53,330
Yeah?
350
00:24:53,406 --> 00:24:55,601
Jingle bells, jingle bells
351
00:24:55,675 --> 00:24:57,734
Jingle all the way
352
00:24:57,810 --> 00:24:59,368
Oh, what fun it is to ride
353
00:24:59,445 --> 00:25:01,072
Got a name?
354
00:25:03,049 --> 00:25:04,778
Yeah.
355
00:25:06,619 --> 00:25:09,383
So, what do you do, you know...
356
00:25:09,455 --> 00:25:10,888
After the holidays, I mean.
357
00:25:10,957 --> 00:25:13,892
Well, nothing till March,
and then I'm the Easter Bunny.
358
00:25:18,731 --> 00:25:19,891
Oh. Another?
359
00:25:19,966 --> 00:25:21,399
Yeah. Why not?
360
00:25:25,138 --> 00:25:26,537
Merry Christmas.
361
00:25:30,576 --> 00:25:32,669
Not a big talker.
362
00:25:32,745 --> 00:25:34,303
No, not really.
363
00:25:37,049 --> 00:25:38,710
- Buy you one?
- Why not?
364
00:25:44,490 --> 00:25:46,151
Happy New Year.
365
00:25:49,295 --> 00:25:51,786
You're pretty regular
for a Santa.
366
00:25:51,864 --> 00:25:53,525
It's not that big
a fucking deal.
367
00:25:53,599 --> 00:25:55,794
It's just a job,
you know what I mean?
368
00:25:55,868 --> 00:26:00,237
I'm an eating, drinking,
shitting, fucking Santy Claus.
369
00:26:01,941 --> 00:26:03,306
Prove it.
370
00:26:06,279 --> 00:26:07,541
Fuck me, Santa.
Fuck me, Santa.
371
00:26:07,613 --> 00:26:10,741
Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa.
Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa.
372
00:26:10,817 --> 00:26:12,375
Fuck me, Santa.
Fuck me, Santa!
373
00:26:12,451 --> 00:26:13,816
Can't I at least take
this hat off?
374
00:26:13,886 --> 00:26:15,581
No. I love the hat.
375
00:26:15,655 --> 00:26:17,452
Okay.
376
00:26:17,523 --> 00:26:20,686
Whoo!
377
00:26:24,797 --> 00:26:29,029
I've always had a thing
for Santa Claus.
378
00:26:29,101 --> 00:26:30,728
In case you didn't notice.
379
00:26:30,803 --> 00:26:33,795
It's like some deep-seated
childhood thing.
380
00:26:33,873 --> 00:26:35,807
So is my thing for tits.
381
00:26:35,875 --> 00:26:38,139
Yeah.
It is like that, though.
382
00:26:38,211 --> 00:26:39,405
From when you're a kid.
383
00:26:39,478 --> 00:26:41,810
'Cause my dad was Jewish,
and we didn't have Christmas.
384
00:26:41,881 --> 00:26:46,375
So it was like
this forbidden thing.
385
00:26:49,455 --> 00:26:51,116
So...
386
00:26:53,826 --> 00:26:55,123
I like you.
387
00:26:57,230 --> 00:26:59,528
Don't mothball that suit.
388
00:27:06,272 --> 00:27:07,204
What the fuck?
389
00:27:07,273 --> 00:27:09,264
I am not gay.
390
00:27:10,243 --> 00:27:12,268
- What the hell, buddy?
- Buddy?
391
00:27:12,345 --> 00:27:14,245
I said I am not gay.
392
00:27:14,313 --> 00:27:17,441
Are you off your fucking meds
or something?
393
00:27:17,516 --> 00:27:18,983
Yes.
394
00:27:19,051 --> 00:27:21,713
But that isn't
what this is about.
395
00:27:21,787 --> 00:27:23,482
You're as queer as a $ 10 bill.
396
00:27:23,556 --> 00:27:25,888
Let me tell you something,
motherfucker.
397
00:27:25,958 --> 00:27:29,655
My brother lost a goddamn arm
fighting you fuckers in Vietnam.
398
00:27:29,729 --> 00:27:32,926
So I want you to look at my face
one last fucking time.
399
00:27:32,999 --> 00:27:35,627
This is the last thing you're
ever gonna see before I...
400
00:27:35,701 --> 00:27:36,668
Elf fucker!
401
00:27:36,736 --> 00:27:38,829
- Motherfucker!
- Turn around, elf fucker.
402
00:27:38,905 --> 00:27:41,373
Who's the bitch now,
Santy Claus? Huh?
403
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:43,169
Faggy Claus!
Faggy!
404
00:27:43,242 --> 00:27:44,504
Leave Santa alone!
405
00:27:44,577 --> 00:27:47,876
Little boy, don't interfere.
I am doing this for all of us.
406
00:27:47,947 --> 00:27:49,710
Leave Santa alone!
407
00:27:53,853 --> 00:27:56,185
Ass clown.
408
00:28:03,296 --> 00:28:05,230
Hey, you're that kid.
409
00:28:06,966 --> 00:28:09,025
What the fuck are you
doing here?
410
00:28:22,148 --> 00:28:24,412
This one fucking time
I take you home, okay?
411
00:28:24,483 --> 00:28:25,472
Uh-huh.
412
00:28:25,551 --> 00:28:26,984
I'm not your fucking dada.
413
00:28:27,053 --> 00:28:28,748
Uh-huh.
414
00:28:30,423 --> 00:28:33,358
It's not like you helped me
with that nutjob or anything.
415
00:28:33,426 --> 00:28:35,087
- Uh-huh.
- You're the right height.
416
00:28:35,161 --> 00:28:37,755
You're right there
to grab his balls.
417
00:28:37,830 --> 00:28:40,025
- You could twist them.
- Why do you need a car?
418
00:28:40,099 --> 00:28:43,159
- What?
- This car.
419
00:28:43,235 --> 00:28:44,167
Which turn is it?
420
00:28:44,236 --> 00:28:46,329
Sage Terrace.
Where's your sleigh?
421
00:28:46,405 --> 00:28:48,566
It's in the shop,
getting repaired.
422
00:28:48,641 --> 00:28:51,075
- Where are the reindeer?
- I stabled them.
423
00:28:51,143 --> 00:28:52,405
Is it left or right?
424
00:28:52,478 --> 00:28:53,502
That way.
425
00:28:53,579 --> 00:28:55,206
Where's the stable?
426
00:28:55,281 --> 00:28:57,442
- Next to the shop.
- How do they sleep?
427
00:28:57,516 --> 00:28:59,609
Who? The reindeer?
Standing up.
428
00:28:59,685 --> 00:29:01,152
But the noise.
How do they sleep?
429
00:29:01,220 --> 00:29:03,211
- What noise?
- From the shop.
430
00:29:04,657 --> 00:29:06,750
They only work during the day,
all right?
431
00:29:06,826 --> 00:29:08,589
I thought it was always night
at the North Pole.
432
00:29:08,661 --> 00:29:10,595
Well, not now.
Right now it's always day.
433
00:29:10,663 --> 00:29:11,857
Then how do they sleep?
434
00:29:11,931 --> 00:29:14,229
Oh, shit. Sage Terrace.
435
00:29:14,300 --> 00:29:17,758
What is it with you? Somebody
drop you on your fucking head?
436
00:29:17,837 --> 00:29:19,236
On my head?
437
00:29:19,305 --> 00:29:21,569
Are they gonna drop you
on somebody else's head?
438
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:23,301
How can they drop me
onto my own head?
439
00:29:23,376 --> 00:29:26,140
No, not onto your...
Would...
440
00:29:26,212 --> 00:29:29,272
God damn it!
Are you fucking with me?
441
00:29:33,319 --> 00:29:35,253
Okay.
Which house is it?
442
00:29:35,321 --> 00:29:36,583
That one.
443
00:29:36,655 --> 00:29:38,520
With Jesus and his family
there or what?
444
00:29:38,591 --> 00:29:40,149
No.
The one beside that.
445
00:29:40,226 --> 00:29:42,057
- Right here?
- Yeah. That one.
446
00:29:42,128 --> 00:29:43,618
All right.
447
00:29:51,804 --> 00:29:53,772
Nice digs.
448
00:29:55,074 --> 00:29:56,507
Is Daddy home?
449
00:29:56,575 --> 00:29:58,543
He's on an adventure,
exploring mountains.
450
00:29:58,611 --> 00:30:00,044
He's been gone a long time.
451
00:30:00,112 --> 00:30:03,843
Exploring mountains, huh?
How long is he gonna be gone?
452
00:30:03,916 --> 00:30:04,848
Till next year.
453
00:30:04,917 --> 00:30:06,214
Yeah?
What about Mommy?
454
00:30:06,285 --> 00:30:09,379
She lives in God's house with
Jesus and Mary and the ghost
455
00:30:09,455 --> 00:30:12,947
and the long-eared donkey and
Joseph and the talking walnut.
456
00:30:13,692 --> 00:30:15,489
Well, who the fuck takes care
of you, then?
457
00:30:15,561 --> 00:30:16,357
Grandma.
458
00:30:16,429 --> 00:30:18,021
Yeah?
What's her name?
459
00:30:18,097 --> 00:30:19,428
Grandma.
460
00:30:20,599 --> 00:30:22,499
Is Granny spry?
461
00:30:26,672 --> 00:30:27,661
Everybody!
462
00:30:27,740 --> 00:30:30,208
D- O-L-E, Dole
463
00:30:30,276 --> 00:30:31,402
Banana shuffle
464
00:30:31,477 --> 00:30:34,469
Grandma? Grandma?
465
00:30:34,980 --> 00:30:36,777
Santa's here.
466
00:30:36,849 --> 00:30:39,977
Oh, Roger.
You're home.
467
00:30:40,052 --> 00:30:42,316
Are you spry?
468
00:30:42,388 --> 00:30:45,653
Let me fix you some sandwiches.
469
00:30:53,065 --> 00:30:56,557
Are you telling me
she's the only one here?
470
00:30:56,635 --> 00:30:58,000
Nobody else?
471
00:30:58,070 --> 00:31:01,164
No aunts or cousins or uncles
or anything like that?
472
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,208
A butler or security guard
or something?
473
00:31:03,275 --> 00:31:05,607
Nuh-unh.
474
00:31:05,678 --> 00:31:07,612
You're shitting me.
475
00:31:09,748 --> 00:31:11,875
Does your daddy have a safe?
476
00:31:17,857 --> 00:31:19,688
Need money to fix your sleigh?
477
00:31:19,758 --> 00:31:21,692
Exactly.
478
00:31:26,599 --> 00:31:28,430
You want milk and cookies?
479
00:31:28,501 --> 00:31:29,559
No.
480
00:31:29,635 --> 00:31:31,159
Should I fix you
some sandwiches?
481
00:31:31,237 --> 00:31:32,534
Unh-unh.
482
00:31:32,605 --> 00:31:34,072
Does your daddy have a car?
483
00:31:38,878 --> 00:31:41,244
Bye, Santa!
484
00:31:43,349 --> 00:31:46,682
First comes the stocking
of little Nell
485
00:31:46,752 --> 00:31:50,017
Dear old Santa,
fill it well
486
00:31:53,292 --> 00:31:54,554
Oh, my!
487
00:31:57,663 --> 00:31:59,563
Keep going.
- Jesus!
488
00:31:59,632 --> 00:32:00,929
Ohh!
489
00:32:02,201 --> 00:32:05,102
Oh, God!
490
00:32:05,171 --> 00:32:06,103
Ooh!
491
00:32:06,172 --> 00:32:08,936
Oh, Zena!
Oh, Mary!
492
00:32:09,008 --> 00:32:10,066
Keep it going.
493
00:32:10,142 --> 00:32:11,871
Jesus Christ!
494
00:32:11,944 --> 00:32:13,639
Yeah, baby.
Yeah, baby.
495
00:32:13,712 --> 00:32:16,237
You ain't gonna
shit right for a week.
496
00:32:16,315 --> 00:32:17,247
Oh!
497
00:32:17,316 --> 00:32:18,749
- Yeah, buddy!
- Yeah!
498
00:32:18,817 --> 00:32:21,149
Whoo!
499
00:32:24,623 --> 00:32:26,784
It won't happen again.
I can promise you that.
500
00:32:26,859 --> 00:32:30,090
Willie here has low blood sugar.
That's all.
501
00:32:30,162 --> 00:32:32,357
That's right.
I forgot to take my pill.
502
00:32:33,032 --> 00:32:35,830
It's not just the swearing.
503
00:32:35,901 --> 00:32:37,425
Um...
504
00:32:38,003 --> 00:32:40,437
Forgive me for prying.
505
00:32:40,506 --> 00:32:44,101
But did one of you, um...
506
00:32:44,176 --> 00:32:45,268
fornicate...
507
00:32:45,344 --> 00:32:46,311
Fornicate?
508
00:32:46,378 --> 00:32:50,075
Yes, with a heavyset woman
in the Big & Tall dressing room.
509
00:32:50,149 --> 00:32:52,617
Look, I've boned a lot
of fat chicks in my time, sure.
510
00:32:52,685 --> 00:32:57,816
But as far as I can recall,
I've never fornicated anybody.
511
00:32:57,890 --> 00:32:59,084
Yes, well, even still,
512
00:32:59,158 --> 00:33:02,093
I think it's best for
all parties considered if we...
513
00:33:02,161 --> 00:33:03,822
If we what?
514
00:33:04,396 --> 00:33:07,490
Well, I have someone else
interested in the position.
515
00:33:08,434 --> 00:33:09,958
Before you do something stupid,
516
00:33:10,035 --> 00:33:11,593
you may want to think
about this shit.
517
00:33:11,670 --> 00:33:12,830
What are you talking about?
518
00:33:12,905 --> 00:33:15,499
I'm talking about firing
a little black midget.
519
00:33:15,574 --> 00:33:18,134
A colored, African-American
small person.
520
00:33:18,210 --> 00:33:19,438
That's what I'm talking about.
521
00:33:19,511 --> 00:33:23,607
I'm talking about your face
all over goddamn "USA Today. "
522
00:33:23,682 --> 00:33:26,082
I'm talking about 150
of these little motherfuckers
523
00:33:26,151 --> 00:33:28,278
all over the sidewalk out there.
524
00:33:28,354 --> 00:33:30,254
Little picket signs,
chanting and raving.
525
00:33:30,322 --> 00:33:32,688
Using little bullhorns
and shit like that.
526
00:33:32,758 --> 00:33:35,352
Screaming and hollering
your name out.
527
00:33:35,427 --> 00:33:37,622
Unfair practices.
Get me?
528
00:33:37,696 --> 00:33:39,994
No. No, no.
This is not a handicap thing.
529
00:33:40,065 --> 00:33:42,329
I have nothing
against you people.
530
00:33:43,869 --> 00:33:45,234
"You people"?
531
00:33:45,304 --> 00:33:48,102
Did you hear that, Marcus?
He said, "You people. "
532
00:33:48,173 --> 00:33:49,470
Who the hell is "us people"?
533
00:33:49,541 --> 00:33:50,803
Wait. Wait.
No, no.
534
00:33:50,876 --> 00:33:53,106
I... You don't under...
What?
535
00:33:53,178 --> 00:33:55,169
He...
No, no.
536
00:33:55,247 --> 00:33:58,182
Um, you know, I think it's best
537
00:33:58,250 --> 00:34:01,117
if we just forget we had
this conversation.
538
00:34:02,921 --> 00:34:04,582
Okay.
539
00:34:04,657 --> 00:34:05,919
Good thinking.
540
00:34:05,991 --> 00:34:08,482
And don't worry about us.
We'll be fine.
541
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:10,994
Let's get the hell
out of here, Marcus.
542
00:34:16,068 --> 00:34:17,296
You're pathetic.
543
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:30,339
I dig that little thing
on your belly button.
544
00:34:30,416 --> 00:34:31,678
What's that?
Like a diamond?
545
00:34:31,750 --> 00:34:33,718
It's a belly-button ring.
546
00:34:33,786 --> 00:34:35,185
Oh, yeah?
Hang on a second.
547
00:34:35,254 --> 00:34:36,915
Check this out.
548
00:34:36,989 --> 00:34:39,719
You got to thrust.
See what I'm saying?
549
00:34:40,159 --> 00:34:43,390
You gotta move the ball around.
You go up there, baby.
550
00:34:43,462 --> 00:34:44,793
Come on.
551
00:34:44,863 --> 00:34:47,127
See? Move the ball.
There you go.
552
00:34:47,199 --> 00:34:49,429
Motherfucker!
553
00:34:49,501 --> 00:34:52,698
Oh, you lousy, fucking
motherfucker.
554
00:34:56,108 --> 00:34:58,042
That's the shit
that's gonna get us pinched.
555
00:34:58,110 --> 00:34:59,441
She said she was 18.
556
00:34:59,511 --> 00:35:00,910
But you promised no arcades.
557
00:35:00,979 --> 00:35:02,708
You said you'd only hustle
Big & Tall.
558
00:35:02,781 --> 00:35:05,579
You shat me out of your womb?
You're my fucking mom now?
559
00:35:05,651 --> 00:35:07,312
I don't need
any goddamn lectures.
560
00:35:07,386 --> 00:35:09,854
I know how to keep
a low profile. Thank you.
561
00:35:11,056 --> 00:35:13,786
What the fuck is this,
Mr. Low Profile?
562
00:35:13,859 --> 00:35:16,123
Mind your own goddamn business.
563
00:35:23,836 --> 00:35:25,770
Ever hear of
the open bottle law?
564
00:35:27,973 --> 00:35:33,036
A couple of days ago, I was in,
uh, Women's Big & Tall.
565
00:35:33,112 --> 00:35:35,171
And I heard these...
566
00:35:35,247 --> 00:35:39,343
Um, you know, these noises.
567
00:35:39,418 --> 00:35:43,946
And I heard a woman screaming,
"Yeah. Oh, yeah. "
568
00:35:44,022 --> 00:35:47,355
And I heard his voice saying,
"That's right.
569
00:35:47,426 --> 00:35:53,422
You ain't going to S-H-I-T
right for a month. "
570
00:35:54,733 --> 00:35:56,200
But don't get me wrong.
571
00:35:56,268 --> 00:35:59,362
I was against
the Clinton impeachment.
572
00:35:59,438 --> 00:36:01,429
What a man does
with his own penis...
573
00:36:01,507 --> 00:36:03,600
Oval Office,
Women's Big & Tall...
574
00:36:03,675 --> 00:36:06,371
it's not for
the American people to say.
575
00:36:06,445 --> 00:36:07,173
Yeah, right.
576
00:36:07,246 --> 00:36:10,773
But when you're dealing
with children...
577
00:36:14,019 --> 00:36:16,453
They have a tender sensibility.
578
00:36:16,522 --> 00:36:18,387
And you are in a position
of trust.
579
00:36:18,457 --> 00:36:24,020
I think perhaps someone who has
screaming orgasms
580
00:36:24,096 --> 00:36:26,724
with large women shouldn't...
581
00:36:26,799 --> 00:36:28,289
Yeah.
582
00:36:29,601 --> 00:36:31,330
Of course,
I can't fire him for that.
583
00:36:31,403 --> 00:36:33,633
Oh, yeah.
Unfair practices.
584
00:36:33,705 --> 00:36:36,265
Special pleading.
Bitch, bitch, bitch.
585
00:36:36,341 --> 00:36:37,706
Fucking broads.
586
00:36:37,776 --> 00:36:39,038
But I just can't help it.
587
00:36:39,111 --> 00:36:42,569
There's something about the guy
that makes me uneasy.
588
00:36:42,648 --> 00:36:43,615
Well, sure.
589
00:36:43,682 --> 00:36:46,378
Santa fucking someone
in the ass.
590
00:36:48,554 --> 00:36:50,613
So...
591
00:36:50,689 --> 00:36:53,249
Maybe there's something
I could fire him for.
592
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:55,492
Yeah, I get you.
593
00:36:55,561 --> 00:36:57,222
Do you?
594
00:36:57,296 --> 00:36:59,161
Do you think
you could find something?
595
00:36:59,231 --> 00:37:02,200
Shit, yeah.
There's always something.
596
00:37:27,459 --> 00:37:28,448
Shit.
597
00:37:29,661 --> 00:37:32,129
Hey, Opal.
Come here.
598
00:37:32,197 --> 00:37:33,391
Unh-unh.
599
00:37:33,465 --> 00:37:35,296
Screw you, Willie,
your kinky ass.
600
00:37:35,367 --> 00:37:37,232
Last time I didn't shit right
for a week.
601
00:37:37,302 --> 00:37:40,328
No, it's not that.
I need to talk to you.
602
00:37:40,405 --> 00:37:43,374
I'm just tired of you, Willie.
603
00:37:44,309 --> 00:37:45,435
Ooh.
604
00:37:47,813 --> 00:37:49,747
Who the fuck is in my room?
605
00:37:49,815 --> 00:37:51,282
Did you see somebody
go in my room?
606
00:37:51,350 --> 00:37:53,477
Yeah.
Some guy asking about you.
607
00:37:53,552 --> 00:37:54,712
Looked like a cop.
608
00:37:54,786 --> 00:37:56,378
Oh, shit.
609
00:37:57,689 --> 00:37:58,815
Marcus, it's Willie.
610
00:37:58,891 --> 00:38:00,984
I just got back to the motel.
611
00:38:01,059 --> 00:38:03,391
Some guy is nosing around
in my room.
612
00:38:03,462 --> 00:38:05,089
What guy?
You get a look at him?
613
00:38:05,163 --> 00:38:06,790
No.
But I think he's a cop, though.
614
00:38:06,865 --> 00:38:07,991
Think somebody's onto us?
615
00:38:08,066 --> 00:38:10,330
Is there anything in the room?
Anything professional?
616
00:38:10,402 --> 00:38:11,835
No, I just got clothes in there.
617
00:38:11,904 --> 00:38:13,235
Just ditch, you idiot.
618
00:38:13,305 --> 00:38:15,398
You got anywhere to sack out
for a while?
619
00:38:16,408 --> 00:38:18,171
- Santa!
- Yeah.
620
00:38:18,243 --> 00:38:19,835
You're bringing
my present early?
621
00:38:19,912 --> 00:38:21,243
No.
622
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:23,980
But I never told you
what I wanted.
623
00:38:24,049 --> 00:38:26,882
I said I didn't bring it,
dipshit.
624
00:38:26,952 --> 00:38:28,419
Okay. Good.
625
00:38:28,487 --> 00:38:31,513
I want a stuffed elephant.
A pink one.
626
00:38:31,590 --> 00:38:33,581
Wish in one hand,
shit in the other one.
627
00:38:33,659 --> 00:38:36,492
See which one fills up first.
628
00:38:36,562 --> 00:38:37,995
Okay.
629
00:38:38,063 --> 00:38:40,258
So I'm gonna be staying here
for a while.
630
00:38:40,332 --> 00:38:42,357
Things are all fucked up
at the North Pole.
631
00:38:42,434 --> 00:38:44,459
Mrs. Santa caught me
fucking her sister.
632
00:38:44,536 --> 00:38:47,369
And I'm out on my ass now.
633
00:38:47,439 --> 00:38:49,304
She got half of everything.
634
00:38:49,374 --> 00:38:51,365
This is gonna be cool.
635
00:38:51,443 --> 00:38:53,274
This will do fine.
636
00:38:59,418 --> 00:39:01,409
So I'm gonna be crashing here.
637
00:39:01,486 --> 00:39:04,683
It will be just you and me,
like roommates, you know?
638
00:39:04,756 --> 00:39:06,917
Do you and Mrs. Santa have kids?
639
00:39:06,992 --> 00:39:08,619
No.
Thank the fuck Christ.
640
00:39:08,694 --> 00:39:10,662
What about the elves?
641
00:39:11,096 --> 00:39:13,690
Well, they stay with Mrs. Santa.
642
00:39:14,266 --> 00:39:15,995
I get them on the weekends.
643
00:39:16,068 --> 00:39:18,263
Why don't you go run me a bath?
644
00:39:22,107 --> 00:39:23,506
What about the reindeer?
645
00:39:23,575 --> 00:39:26,135
Would you please shut up
about reindeer?
646
00:39:27,713 --> 00:39:29,146
What are their names?
647
00:39:29,214 --> 00:39:30,203
Who?
648
00:39:30,282 --> 00:39:31,340
The elves.
649
00:39:31,416 --> 00:39:32,781
Oh, shit.
I can't remember.
650
00:39:32,851 --> 00:39:35,217
I think one of them is Sneezy.
There's a Dopey.
651
00:39:35,287 --> 00:39:37,187
That's the Seven Dwarfs.
652
00:39:37,255 --> 00:39:38,984
Oh, you're shitting me.
653
00:39:39,057 --> 00:39:42,151
I thought...
I was thinking it was the...
654
00:39:42,227 --> 00:39:43,489
I don't know.
Fuck, kid.
655
00:39:43,562 --> 00:39:45,655
I just call them, "bub. "
656
00:39:45,731 --> 00:39:47,790
I say, "Hey, bub" or "chief"
or whatever the fuck.
657
00:39:47,866 --> 00:39:49,629
I tell him to make
the goddamn toy.
658
00:39:49,701 --> 00:39:51,669
What the fuck is wrong
with you?
659
00:39:51,737 --> 00:39:53,500
I can't remember this shit!
660
00:39:53,572 --> 00:39:56,598
Does everything with you
have to be a fucking test?
661
00:39:59,211 --> 00:40:00,610
How old are they?
662
00:40:06,118 --> 00:40:07,676
You want cookies?
663
00:40:08,587 --> 00:40:09,576
No.
664
00:40:09,655 --> 00:40:10,883
Warm milk?
665
00:40:10,956 --> 00:40:11,854
No.
666
00:40:11,923 --> 00:40:13,618
Should I fix you
some sandwiches?
667
00:40:13,692 --> 00:40:15,455
I don't want
any fucking sandwiches.
668
00:40:15,527 --> 00:40:18,018
What is it with you
and fixing fucking sandwiches?
669
00:40:18,096 --> 00:40:20,394
Okay.
Do you want anything else?
670
00:40:20,465 --> 00:40:22,092
No.
671
00:40:24,169 --> 00:40:25,636
Okay.
672
00:40:34,112 --> 00:40:35,977
Santa?
673
00:40:41,119 --> 00:40:42,347
What?
674
00:40:42,421 --> 00:40:44,981
I brought you some orange juice.
675
00:40:48,060 --> 00:40:49,152
What's in it?
676
00:40:49,227 --> 00:40:50,819
Oranges.
677
00:40:53,598 --> 00:40:55,429
Look what I have.
678
00:40:55,500 --> 00:40:57,559
An Advent calendar.
679
00:40:57,636 --> 00:40:58,762
What the hell is that?
680
00:40:58,837 --> 00:41:02,603
It's the story of Christmas,
but in a calendar.
681
00:41:02,674 --> 00:41:04,699
Every day you peel open
a new box.
682
00:41:04,776 --> 00:41:06,368
You get part of the story.
683
00:41:06,445 --> 00:41:08,436
And then there's
a chocolate inside.
684
00:41:08,513 --> 00:41:11,141
Do you want to open up
today's box and read it?
685
00:41:12,117 --> 00:41:14,051
No.
You go ahead.
686
00:41:16,021 --> 00:41:19,422
Jesus Christ, kid.
Watch the nuts.
687
00:41:26,998 --> 00:41:30,627
"So Joseph went up from
the town of Nazareth in Galilee
688
00:41:30,702 --> 00:41:33,694
to Judea, to Bethlehem,
the town of David.
689
00:41:33,772 --> 00:41:36,707
In those days Caesar Augustus
issued a decree
690
00:41:36,775 --> 00:41:39,801
that a census should be taken
of the entire Roman world.
691
00:41:39,878 --> 00:41:43,041
Everyone went to his hometown
to register. "
692
00:41:46,184 --> 00:41:47,845
- That it?
- Yep.
693
00:41:47,919 --> 00:41:50,251
That's an awesome
fucking story, kid.
694
00:41:50,322 --> 00:41:53,780
There's more to it, but we
have to wait till tomorrow.
695
00:41:55,193 --> 00:41:57,423
Do you want to eat
the chocolate?
696
00:41:58,497 --> 00:41:59,555
You go ahead.
697
00:42:02,768 --> 00:42:05,032
Are you coming downstairs?
698
00:42:05,103 --> 00:42:07,765
I'll be down in a minute.
I got to go to work.
699
00:42:19,184 --> 00:42:20,446
Fuck me?
Fuck you.
700
00:42:20,519 --> 00:42:22,510
You can't just take up
with some kid.
701
00:42:22,587 --> 00:42:24,953
You don't know who's around
or what they do.
702
00:42:25,023 --> 00:42:27,457
You got some nerve,
you little shit, you.
703
00:42:27,526 --> 00:42:30,188
What, you're my mom now?
You shat me out of your womb?
704
00:42:30,262 --> 00:42:33,698
You said that yesterday,
you stupid fuck.
705
00:42:33,765 --> 00:42:35,392
Shit.
706
00:42:36,234 --> 00:42:38,134
Fuck you.
707
00:42:46,912 --> 00:42:49,210
You are by far the dumbest,
708
00:42:49,281 --> 00:42:51,909
most pathetic piece
of maggot-eating shit
709
00:42:51,983 --> 00:42:55,419
that has ever slid
from a human being's hairy ass.
710
00:42:56,288 --> 00:42:59,018
What if the kid has one of those
fucking playdates they have now?
711
00:42:59,090 --> 00:43:01,820
Are you shitting me?
The kid don't have any friends.
712
00:43:01,893 --> 00:43:05,021
He don't even have an imaginary
friend unless he ditched him.
713
00:43:05,096 --> 00:43:08,065
He lives with his drooling-ass
old grandmother.
714
00:43:08,133 --> 00:43:09,828
Sits in front of the TV
all the time.
715
00:43:09,901 --> 00:43:11,300
You think she's gonna
rat me out?
716
00:43:11,369 --> 00:43:14,304
She don't know her ass
from last Tuesday.
717
00:43:14,940 --> 00:43:16,305
You fuck her?
718
00:43:17,943 --> 00:43:19,069
Jesus Christ.
719
00:43:19,144 --> 00:43:21,044
Is everything fucking sex
with you?
720
00:43:21,112 --> 00:43:23,171
With me?
I fuck one person.
721
00:43:23,248 --> 00:43:24,772
I ain't out there
serial fornicating,
722
00:43:24,850 --> 00:43:26,977
trying to float my liver,
drinking myself silly
723
00:43:27,052 --> 00:43:30,078
'cause I can't stand
what a piece of shit I am.
724
00:43:30,155 --> 00:43:32,885
What are you,
Sigmund Sawed-off Fucking Freud?
725
00:43:32,958 --> 00:43:34,585
Yeah, that's right.
726
00:43:34,659 --> 00:43:36,217
Go ahead.
Talk about my height.
727
00:43:36,294 --> 00:43:37,921
Make it about something safe
728
00:43:37,996 --> 00:43:39,861
'cause you're
an emotional cripple.
729
00:43:39,931 --> 00:43:41,489
Your soul is dog shit.
730
00:43:41,566 --> 00:43:44,057
Every single fucking thing
about you is ugly.
731
00:43:50,809 --> 00:43:53,334
Come on, Lois.
Let's get out of here.
732
00:44:03,255 --> 00:44:06,816
Look who's here, Jimmy.
It's Santa.
733
00:44:06,892 --> 00:44:08,416
That's fucking great.
734
00:44:08,493 --> 00:44:11,053
Let's tell him what you want
for Christmas.
735
00:44:11,529 --> 00:44:13,190
Fuck.
736
00:44:15,734 --> 00:44:19,864
I'm on my fucking
lunch break, okay?
737
00:44:19,938 --> 00:44:21,963
Are you insane?
738
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:23,837
Management's gonna hear
about this.
739
00:44:23,909 --> 00:44:26,343
You think that's a threat?
740
00:44:26,411 --> 00:44:29,574
If you think you can make my
life any worse, go right ahead.
741
00:44:29,648 --> 00:44:32,412
Be my fucking guest.
Take a shot.
742
00:44:41,726 --> 00:44:47,995
It's the most wonderful time
of the year
743
00:44:48,066 --> 00:44:49,863
With the kids
jingle-belling
744
00:44:49,935 --> 00:44:54,497
And everyone telling you,
"Be of good cheer"
745
00:44:54,572 --> 00:45:02,035
It's the most wonderful time
of the year
746
00:45:02,113 --> 00:45:04,240
Just looking.
747
00:45:04,316 --> 00:45:06,045
Aah!
748
00:45:11,723 --> 00:45:14,317
Find everything
you're looking for?
749
00:45:14,392 --> 00:45:16,622
Um, yeah.
Thank you.
750
00:45:16,695 --> 00:45:19,562
Nothing I can help
you with, huh?
751
00:45:19,631 --> 00:45:23,567
No. I'm just looking at
the games 'cause I have an Xbox.
752
00:45:23,635 --> 00:45:26,468
Get your hands
out of my pants, man!
753
00:45:26,538 --> 00:45:29,905
You're stealing from the store,
you're stealing from me.
754
00:45:29,975 --> 00:45:31,306
What is this?
755
00:45:31,376 --> 00:45:33,310
I was gonna pay for it.
756
00:45:33,378 --> 00:45:34,436
Wrong answer.
757
00:45:34,512 --> 00:45:36,412
When I look at you,
you know what I think?
758
00:45:36,481 --> 00:45:39,279
I think America has
a sad future ahead of it.
759
00:45:39,351 --> 00:45:41,876
And you're part
of this sorry-ass generation.
760
00:45:41,953 --> 00:45:43,545
What you want to be
when you grow up?
761
00:45:43,621 --> 00:45:45,919
I don't know.
762
00:45:45,991 --> 00:45:48,152
- This MP3?
- Yeah.
763
00:45:48,226 --> 00:45:49,591
Take it off.
764
00:45:49,661 --> 00:45:52,221
But my grandmother gave...
765
00:45:52,297 --> 00:45:54,731
Take it off. I don't care
who gave it to you.
766
00:45:54,799 --> 00:45:56,767
Take it off.
767
00:45:56,835 --> 00:45:58,735
I don't care if it choke you
to death.
768
00:45:58,803 --> 00:46:00,896
Now, I want you to get on
out of here. Get!
769
00:46:00,972 --> 00:46:02,599
- But can I have...
- Get!
770
00:46:02,674 --> 00:46:03,834
Happy Kwanzaa.
771
00:46:07,379 --> 00:46:09,347
And pull your damn pants up!
772
00:46:09,414 --> 00:46:11,279
What's wrong with you kids
these days?
773
00:46:12,550 --> 00:46:13,812
Gin?
774
00:46:13,885 --> 00:46:15,614
- Yeah.
- What do you need?
775
00:46:15,687 --> 00:46:17,416
I need you to run a plate
for me.
776
00:46:17,489 --> 00:46:18,615
It's Arizona plates.
777
00:46:18,690 --> 00:46:20,487
Hold on.
Let me get a pen.
778
00:46:47,419 --> 00:46:48,852
Is that it?
779
00:46:59,664 --> 00:47:03,600
For Christ's sake, make a move
and stick with it, would you?
780
00:47:11,709 --> 00:47:13,370
King me.
781
00:47:15,780 --> 00:47:17,645
Son of a bitch!
782
00:47:17,715 --> 00:47:22,345
You lousy, cheating little shit!
783
00:47:24,189 --> 00:47:26,749
You're fucking with me!
You did that on purpose.
784
00:47:26,825 --> 00:47:29,385
You play like the dead lice
are falling off of you,
785
00:47:29,461 --> 00:47:32,294
and then suddenly, you're like
Seabiscuit all over the place.
786
00:47:32,363 --> 00:47:34,854
You're a smartass,
is what you are, kid.
787
00:47:35,900 --> 00:47:37,663
Want to play again?
788
00:47:42,373 --> 00:47:43,965
Howdy.
Herb Gunner.
789
00:47:44,042 --> 00:47:46,408
I live two streets over
on Burning Trail Road.
790
00:47:46,478 --> 00:47:48,207
I don't think we've met.
791
00:47:51,116 --> 00:47:52,310
I'm Uncle Willie.
792
00:47:52,383 --> 00:47:55,147
I'm organizing the decorations
for the subdivision this year.
793
00:47:55,220 --> 00:47:57,654
- You mind if I come in?
- Yeah.
794
00:47:57,722 --> 00:48:00,122
I mean yeah, I mind.
795
00:48:00,191 --> 00:48:01,385
Okay. Uh...
796
00:48:01,459 --> 00:48:05,418
Will you be participating in our
luminarias program this year?
797
00:48:07,465 --> 00:48:10,298
- What the hell is a lunamaria?
- They're luminarias.
798
00:48:10,368 --> 00:48:12,802
Small sacks filled with
about a pound of sand each.
799
00:48:12,871 --> 00:48:14,839
We insert a candle
in the middle, light it,
800
00:48:14,906 --> 00:48:16,237
and the bag glows.
801
00:48:16,307 --> 00:48:17,968
Then we line
all the sidewalks here
802
00:48:18,042 --> 00:48:20,408
all around the neighborhood.
803
00:48:21,012 --> 00:48:24,948
You see, we don't celebrate
Christmas around here, so...
804
00:48:25,016 --> 00:48:28,247
We're, uh, we're Muslims.
805
00:48:28,319 --> 00:48:30,378
Look, it's my first year
running this.
806
00:48:30,455 --> 00:48:32,753
I'd like it if there weren't
any gaps in it.
807
00:48:32,824 --> 00:48:35,554
What if I come by
Christmas Eve and do it for you?
808
00:48:35,627 --> 00:48:37,720
No, you know what?
You don't have to do that.
809
00:48:37,795 --> 00:48:40,389
Yeah, me and the kid here,
we'll do something.
810
00:48:40,465 --> 00:48:41,727
Great.
I got the supplies.
811
00:48:41,799 --> 00:48:43,266
- I'll throw them in the garage.
- Perfect.
812
00:48:43,334 --> 00:48:45,234
Awesome.
813
00:48:45,303 --> 00:48:46,998
Going in the garage,
just so you know.
814
00:48:47,071 --> 00:48:50,700
You can make
a delicious six-pound chicken.
815
00:48:50,775 --> 00:48:53,903
Enough hot dogs and sausages
to feed a small army.
816
00:48:53,978 --> 00:48:57,209
Not one, but two delicious
rotisserie chickens.
817
00:48:57,282 --> 00:48:59,750
Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa.
Fuck me, Santa.
818
00:48:59,817 --> 00:49:02,684
Fuck me, Santa.
Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa.
819
00:49:02,754 --> 00:49:05,746
Scrumptious
61/2-pound standing rib roast.
820
00:49:05,823 --> 00:49:10,487
And everybody's favorite,
baby back ribs.
821
00:49:23,741 --> 00:49:26,972
This is such a nice house.
822
00:49:27,045 --> 00:49:29,570
Needs a woman's touch, though.
823
00:49:29,647 --> 00:49:32,639
I just rent
the fucking place anyway.
824
00:49:35,486 --> 00:49:37,078
Yeah.
I just rent stuff, too.
825
00:49:37,155 --> 00:49:38,315
Yeah?
826
00:49:45,797 --> 00:49:47,924
How long are you gonna be here?
827
00:49:47,999 --> 00:49:50,058
What? On the couch?
828
00:49:50,134 --> 00:49:51,761
No.
829
00:49:51,836 --> 00:49:53,565
In town.
830
00:49:55,139 --> 00:49:57,801
I don't know.
Just through the holidays.
831
00:49:57,875 --> 00:50:00,173
You know, then I'll move on.
832
00:50:02,547 --> 00:50:04,014
So, do you like kids?
833
00:50:05,216 --> 00:50:07,013
Fuck, no!
834
00:50:07,085 --> 00:50:09,553
Do you think
I'm some kind of pervert?
835
00:50:09,621 --> 00:50:12,522
I just mean because
you're Santa Claus.
836
00:50:13,558 --> 00:50:14,525
Oh.
837
00:50:14,592 --> 00:50:16,856
I like kids.
I really like kids.
838
00:50:16,928 --> 00:50:19,089
- You do?
- I love kids.
839
00:50:19,163 --> 00:50:20,824
Well, good.
840
00:50:22,100 --> 00:50:25,160
Yeah, they're something else,
those kids.
841
00:50:27,305 --> 00:50:29,205
And to tell you the truth...
842
00:50:30,842 --> 00:50:34,903
The fact of the matter is,
I'm not Santa.
843
00:50:37,682 --> 00:50:40,173
Like ya anyway.
844
00:50:54,632 --> 00:50:56,964
So, you'll call me, right?
845
00:50:57,035 --> 00:50:59,799
Yeah.
I'll call you.
846
00:50:59,871 --> 00:51:01,202
I'm gonna buy you some flowers.
847
00:51:01,272 --> 00:51:03,706
Some of those
really good expensive ones.
848
00:51:03,775 --> 00:51:05,037
Shut up.
849
00:51:07,312 --> 00:51:09,246
Bye.
850
00:52:16,814 --> 00:52:18,304
Roger, you're home.
851
00:52:18,383 --> 00:52:21,079
Let me fix you some sandwiches.
852
00:52:23,354 --> 00:52:24,343
What the fuck?
853
00:52:24,422 --> 00:52:27,823
Kid, what the fuck
is wrong with you?
854
00:52:32,864 --> 00:52:34,263
Jesus Christ!
855
00:52:34,332 --> 00:52:35,799
Let me see it!
Let me see it!
856
00:52:35,867 --> 00:52:37,164
What the hell happened to you?!
857
00:52:37,235 --> 00:52:40,466
I cut my hand by mistake!
Ow!
858
00:52:40,538 --> 00:52:43,098
- Of course it was by mistake.
- Ow!
859
00:52:43,174 --> 00:52:45,165
Here, hold still.
Hold still.
860
00:52:46,711 --> 00:52:48,906
I was just trying to help you!
861
00:52:48,980 --> 00:52:51,847
I forgot to say,
"It's gonna sting a little bit. "
862
00:52:51,916 --> 00:52:54,407
Shouldn't I wrap it
in a T-shirt or something?
863
00:52:54,485 --> 00:52:56,180
God damn it.
864
00:53:00,658 --> 00:53:03,559
Hey, kid?
865
00:53:04,729 --> 00:53:07,289
Kid, you okay up there?
866
00:53:07,365 --> 00:53:09,890
You need a Band-Aid
or something?
867
00:53:19,143 --> 00:53:21,236
Aw, shit.
868
00:53:30,054 --> 00:53:31,248
You're late.
869
00:53:38,229 --> 00:53:39,821
Kids.
Let me tell you.
870
00:53:43,334 --> 00:53:45,165
They run you ragged.
871
00:53:56,848 --> 00:53:59,043
Morning, team.
872
00:53:59,584 --> 00:54:00,676
Hey, hey, hey.
873
00:54:00,751 --> 00:54:03,015
It's not quite 8:00 yet.
874
00:54:04,021 --> 00:54:06,046
Well, how close are we?
875
00:54:10,561 --> 00:54:11,892
Now it's 8:00.
876
00:54:11,963 --> 00:54:13,055
Merry Christmas.
877
00:54:13,130 --> 00:54:15,098
Up your ass.
878
00:54:21,439 --> 00:54:22,804
God damn it!
879
00:54:22,874 --> 00:54:24,432
You tear your ball again?
880
00:54:24,509 --> 00:54:25,771
I don't think so.
881
00:54:25,843 --> 00:54:28,437
That's it.
882
00:54:44,962 --> 00:54:47,089
God damn it!
883
00:55:02,146 --> 00:55:04,171
Sweetheart,
don't romance 'em, now.
884
00:55:04,248 --> 00:55:05,909
Go on and get in there.
I can take it.
885
00:55:08,553 --> 00:55:09,451
Yeah.
886
00:55:09,520 --> 00:55:11,511
Gin, I got the info
on that Arizona plate.
887
00:55:11,589 --> 00:55:13,557
All right.
Now you're talking.
888
00:55:13,624 --> 00:55:15,649
Oh, hold on one minute.
889
00:55:15,726 --> 00:55:18,126
Baby, baby. Baby, baby.
Don't use that one.
890
00:55:18,195 --> 00:55:19,253
That's not the stuff.
891
00:55:19,330 --> 00:55:21,628
Use something
with some claws to it.
892
00:55:21,699 --> 00:55:24,099
Yeah, that hard candy.
That's it right there.
893
00:55:24,168 --> 00:55:27,433
Let me get some of that.
Yeah, that's it.
894
00:55:27,505 --> 00:55:28,836
Okay.
895
00:55:28,906 --> 00:55:29,838
Yeah, I'm back.
896
00:55:29,907 --> 00:55:31,340
The guy's Roger Merman.
897
00:55:31,409 --> 00:55:33,639
- Guess where he is.
- Give it to me.
898
00:55:33,711 --> 00:55:36,805
Ow! Damn it!
What's wrong with you, woman?
899
00:55:46,223 --> 00:55:47,815
Who are you?
900
00:55:47,892 --> 00:55:49,120
Your name Roger Merman?
901
00:55:49,193 --> 00:55:50,182
Yes. But...
902
00:55:50,261 --> 00:55:51,990
You doing three to six
for embezzlement?
903
00:55:52,063 --> 00:55:56,659
Uh, well, many accounting
questions are not cut-and-dried.
904
00:55:56,734 --> 00:55:59,168
Do you live at 41 Sage Terrace?
905
00:55:59,236 --> 00:56:01,204
Is it Grandma?
906
00:56:01,272 --> 00:56:02,466
Is my son all right?
907
00:56:02,540 --> 00:56:03,871
They're fine.
908
00:56:03,941 --> 00:56:06,239
Do you have any houseguests?
909
00:56:06,944 --> 00:56:08,070
Houseguests?
910
00:56:09,981 --> 00:56:12,472
Thank you for your time.
God bless.
911
00:56:13,150 --> 00:56:15,209
Well, hey, who are you?
912
00:56:17,488 --> 00:56:19,683
Houseguests?
913
00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:25,320
Little trick I learned
up at the North Pole.
914
00:56:25,396 --> 00:56:28,160
If you fry baloney,
it tastes like a hot dog.
915
00:56:28,232 --> 00:56:30,132
I thought you
didn't like sandwiches.
916
00:56:30,201 --> 00:56:32,135
Yeah, but this
is not a sandwich.
917
00:56:32,203 --> 00:56:33,761
A sandwich has
two pieces of bread
918
00:56:33,838 --> 00:56:35,669
with a bunch of junk on it.
919
00:56:36,907 --> 00:56:38,431
It's like a tostada.
920
00:56:38,509 --> 00:56:41,103
This isn't a tostada.
921
00:56:41,178 --> 00:56:42,509
There you go, Granny.
922
00:56:43,514 --> 00:56:45,846
Little salsa here.
923
00:56:46,917 --> 00:56:49,317
Now it's a tostada.
924
00:56:49,920 --> 00:56:51,683
Have you seen
my Advent calendar?
925
00:56:51,756 --> 00:56:54,156
What the fuck is it
with the Advent calendar?
926
00:56:54,225 --> 00:56:56,386
Why are you so obsessed
with that goddamn thing?
927
00:56:56,460 --> 00:56:58,451
The story sucks anyway.
928
00:57:02,533 --> 00:57:04,091
I think I saw it in the hallway.
929
00:57:04,168 --> 00:57:05,897
- Really?
- I think so.
930
00:57:14,679 --> 00:57:17,443
Looks like someone messed
with my Advent calendar.
931
00:57:17,515 --> 00:57:20,075
What are you talking about?
Let me see.
932
00:57:21,318 --> 00:57:23,684
Nobody messed with it.
It looks fine.
933
00:57:38,335 --> 00:57:41,099
There's a candy corn
in this one.
934
00:57:41,172 --> 00:57:43,800
Well, they can't all be winners,
can they?
935
00:57:48,746 --> 00:57:51,715
Well, it's fucked.
936
00:57:51,782 --> 00:57:53,181
Yeah?
937
00:57:53,250 --> 00:57:54,877
Yeah.
938
00:57:54,952 --> 00:57:56,647
- Fucked, frankly.
- He's...
939
00:57:56,721 --> 00:57:58,313
- Clean...
- Oh.
940
00:57:58,389 --> 00:58:00,084
- As a fucking whistle.
- Nothing?
941
00:58:00,157 --> 00:58:01,454
- No.
- Oh.
942
00:58:01,525 --> 00:58:03,459
- Nothing. I mean shit.
- Yeah.
943
00:58:03,527 --> 00:58:04,789
- He curses.
- Yeah?
944
00:58:04,862 --> 00:58:06,659
- But never around children.
- Oh.
945
00:58:06,731 --> 00:58:08,164
- No criminal record.
- Yeah.
946
00:58:08,232 --> 00:58:10,826
- No parking tickets.
- Nothing.
947
00:58:10,901 --> 00:58:12,994
- No bad habits, even.
- Oh.
948
00:58:13,070 --> 00:58:14,367
Sex, yeah.
949
00:58:14,438 --> 00:58:17,100
- But man is a sexual being.
- Yeah.
950
00:58:17,174 --> 00:58:18,971
- Fuckin' Darwinian.
- Oh.
951
00:58:19,043 --> 00:58:21,102
- You can't do shit about that.
- No.
952
00:58:21,178 --> 00:58:22,873
Hell, I wouldn't want to.
953
00:58:25,850 --> 00:58:29,342
No, of course not.
I'm not advocating celibacy.
954
00:58:29,420 --> 00:58:32,184
Hope not. It'd be the end
of the fucking human race.
955
00:58:32,256 --> 00:58:34,019
Yeah.
956
00:58:34,091 --> 00:58:35,752
Fucks large women.
957
00:58:36,627 --> 00:58:38,288
What can I say?
958
00:58:51,308 --> 00:58:53,799
Hey, look,
it's the retard again.
959
00:59:04,655 --> 00:59:05,622
Wedgie.
960
00:59:05,689 --> 00:59:07,350
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
961
00:59:09,727 --> 00:59:11,194
Well, what the hell do you want?
962
00:59:11,262 --> 00:59:12,661
Pokémon!
963
00:59:12,730 --> 00:59:14,095
Done.
964
00:59:18,469 --> 00:59:21,700
You probably shouldn't
be digging in your ass.
965
00:59:22,940 --> 00:59:24,771
Santa...
966
00:59:26,343 --> 00:59:28,140
Oh, jeez.
967
00:59:31,482 --> 00:59:33,882
- Is that your underwear?
- Part of it.
968
00:59:33,951 --> 00:59:35,748
Where the hell's the rest of it?
969
00:59:35,820 --> 00:59:38,288
No, actually, don't tell me.
What do you want?
970
00:59:38,355 --> 00:59:41,916
I was thinking I wanted a purple
stuffed elephant, not pink.
971
00:59:41,992 --> 00:59:43,687
But now I changed my mind.
972
00:59:43,761 --> 00:59:46,696
- Yeah, what?
- Now I don't want an elephant.
973
00:59:46,764 --> 00:59:48,322
I want a gorilla named Davey
974
00:59:48,399 --> 00:59:51,266
for beating up the skateboard
kids who pull on my underwear.
975
00:59:51,335 --> 00:59:53,701
He could take his orders
from the talking walnut,
976
00:59:53,771 --> 00:59:56,205
so it wouldn't be my bad thing.
977
01:00:00,811 --> 01:00:02,039
Jesus, kid.
978
01:00:02,112 --> 01:00:04,376
When I was your age,
I didn't need no gorilla,
979
01:00:04,448 --> 01:00:06,416
and I wasn't as big
as one of your legs.
980
01:00:06,483 --> 01:00:08,883
Four kids beat me up
and I went crying to my daddy.
981
01:00:08,953 --> 01:00:10,818
- You know what he did?
- He made it all better?
982
01:00:10,888 --> 01:00:13,652
No, he kicked my ass.
You know why?
983
01:00:13,724 --> 01:00:16,625
'Cause you went to the bathroom
on Mommy's dishes?
984
01:00:16,694 --> 01:00:18,286
What the fuck?
985
01:00:18,362 --> 01:00:19,226
No.
986
01:00:19,296 --> 01:00:21,958
He tried to teach you
not to cry and be a man?
987
01:00:22,032 --> 01:00:26,196
No. It's because he was
a mean, drunk son of a bitch.
988
01:00:26,270 --> 01:00:27,931
When he wasn't busting my ass,
989
01:00:28,005 --> 01:00:29,836
he was putting cigarettes out
on my neck.
990
01:00:29,907 --> 01:00:31,238
The world ain't fair.
991
01:00:31,308 --> 01:00:33,708
You gotta take what you need
when you can get it.
992
01:00:33,777 --> 01:00:36,473
Learn to stand up for yourself.
Quit being a pussy.
993
01:00:36,547 --> 01:00:39,209
Kick these kids
in the balls or something.
994
01:00:40,851 --> 01:00:42,409
Or don't.
Shit, I don't care.
995
01:00:42,486 --> 01:00:44,977
Just leave me out of it.
Now, get on out of here.
996
01:00:45,055 --> 01:00:47,580
Okay.
Thanks, Santa.
997
01:01:02,039 --> 01:01:04,507
Go get the next lucky boy
or girl, okay?
998
01:01:05,843 --> 01:01:07,606
All right, next.
999
01:01:09,446 --> 01:01:11,778
Open the ropes there, Marcus.
1000
01:01:12,816 --> 01:01:14,010
I know you?
1001
01:01:14,084 --> 01:01:15,108
Not yet.
1002
01:01:17,321 --> 01:01:19,585
Seven cities in seven years.
1003
01:01:19,657 --> 01:01:21,318
Pretty impressive.
1004
01:01:21,392 --> 01:01:23,690
The store changes,
your name changes.
1005
01:01:23,761 --> 01:01:26,229
But you always get away clean.
1006
01:01:26,297 --> 01:01:27,559
Yeah.
1007
01:01:27,631 --> 01:01:29,531
Pretty darn impressive.
1008
01:01:29,600 --> 01:01:31,192
Well, let's face the facts.
1009
01:01:31,268 --> 01:01:33,498
Y'all are a couple
of half-bucket small-timers.
1010
01:01:33,570 --> 01:01:36,801
You, because of your physical
attributes, found a niche,
1011
01:01:36,874 --> 01:01:38,398
and I respect that.
1012
01:01:38,475 --> 01:01:40,500
But you also been caught...
1013
01:01:41,612 --> 01:01:42,738
...by me.
1014
01:01:42,813 --> 01:01:45,646
So this is how it's gonna be.
1015
01:01:45,716 --> 01:01:47,343
I don't want to take over.
1016
01:01:47,418 --> 01:01:49,682
I don't even want to change
your scam.
1017
01:01:49,753 --> 01:01:51,846
Whatever you guys do, it works.
1018
01:01:51,922 --> 01:01:53,822
All I want is a taste.
1019
01:01:53,891 --> 01:01:56,416
When the deed is done,
we part ways.
1020
01:01:56,493 --> 01:01:58,324
I'll buy a little ranch
in Havasu,
1021
01:01:58,395 --> 01:02:01,762
and you all take your little
medicine show back on the road.
1022
01:02:04,401 --> 01:02:05,698
- How much?
- Half.
1023
01:02:05,769 --> 01:02:08,067
No way! You don't know
who you're fucking with.
1024
01:02:08,138 --> 01:02:11,301
Back off, Will.
I got this. I got this!
1025
01:02:12,710 --> 01:02:14,575
Okay. 30%.
1026
01:02:14,645 --> 01:02:17,443
There's three of us.
30%. That's fair.
1027
01:02:17,514 --> 01:02:19,209
Half.
1028
01:02:19,283 --> 01:02:20,580
I meant 33%...
1029
01:02:20,651 --> 01:02:21,515
I meant half.
1030
01:02:21,585 --> 01:02:22,609
...and 1/3.
1031
01:02:22,686 --> 01:02:24,176
Half.
1032
01:02:25,489 --> 01:02:26,683
35%.
1033
01:02:27,624 --> 01:02:28,352
Half.
1034
01:02:28,425 --> 01:02:30,086
40%.
1035
01:02:31,261 --> 01:02:32,694
Half.
1036
01:02:34,732 --> 01:02:36,097
42%.
1037
01:02:38,268 --> 01:02:39,633
Half.
1038
01:02:44,608 --> 01:02:45,768
45%.
1039
01:02:51,815 --> 01:02:53,407
Half.
1040
01:02:54,518 --> 01:02:55,507
48%?
1041
01:02:56,687 --> 01:02:58,746
Half.
1042
01:02:59,490 --> 01:03:00,514
49%.
1043
01:03:00,591 --> 01:03:02,024
Half.
1044
01:03:03,694 --> 01:03:05,559
Well, what's one point?
1045
01:03:05,629 --> 01:03:07,563
We split the dough
right down the middle.
1046
01:03:07,631 --> 01:03:10,099
Any merchandise you take, I get
to look at and cherry-pick.
1047
01:03:10,167 --> 01:03:12,499
No! Money's one thing,
but you ain't gettin' the...
1048
01:03:12,569 --> 01:03:15,003
This ain't no Chinese menu,
jagoff.
1049
01:03:15,072 --> 01:03:17,632
I tell you how it's gonna be.
1050
01:03:17,708 --> 01:03:20,074
This is pricks fix.
1051
01:03:25,549 --> 01:03:26,607
Pricks fix?
1052
01:03:26,683 --> 01:03:28,617
He's a fucking moron.
1053
01:03:28,685 --> 01:03:29,583
Oh, really?
1054
01:03:29,653 --> 01:03:31,450
Is that how you got
the upper hand?
1055
01:03:31,522 --> 01:03:32,420
Fuck you.
1056
01:03:32,489 --> 01:03:33,478
Negotiating?
1057
01:03:33,557 --> 01:03:35,422
If you don't like,
next year, fuck off.
1058
01:03:35,492 --> 01:03:37,255
I can always get
another box jockey.
1059
01:03:37,327 --> 01:03:38,692
I can get another midget, too.
1060
01:03:38,762 --> 01:03:39,990
Yeah, where?
1061
01:03:40,064 --> 01:03:43,090
You see us hanging off of trees
like fucking crab apples?
1062
01:03:43,167 --> 01:03:45,601
Even if we did, you'd never
front your own racket.
1063
01:03:45,669 --> 01:03:48,001
You know why, Willie?
You got no discipline.
1064
01:03:48,072 --> 01:03:51,405
You got zero fuckin' initiative.
You'd fall apart without me.
1065
01:03:51,475 --> 01:03:53,102
You're too pathetic for words.
1066
01:03:53,177 --> 01:03:55,941
You're a fucking loser,
and you fucking know it.
1067
01:04:03,687 --> 01:04:06,247
To go glidin'
in a one-horse sleigh
1068
01:04:06,323 --> 01:04:09,383
Giddyup, jingle horse,
pick up your feet
1069
01:04:09,460 --> 01:04:12,827
Jingle around the clock
1070
01:04:12,896 --> 01:04:16,525
Mix and mingle
in the jinglin' beat
1071
01:04:16,600 --> 01:04:18,431
That's the jingle bell rock
1072
01:04:18,502 --> 01:04:22,336
Santa'll be here real soon,
kids. Real soon.
1073
01:04:22,406 --> 01:04:25,739
Jingle bells chime
in jingle bell time
1074
01:04:25,809 --> 01:04:27,606
There he is.
Look.
1075
01:04:27,678 --> 01:04:29,976
In jingle bell square
1076
01:04:30,047 --> 01:04:32,572
Oh, no.
1077
01:04:32,649 --> 01:04:36,050
What a bright time,
it's the right time
1078
01:04:36,120 --> 01:04:38,714
To rock the night away
1079
01:04:38,789 --> 01:04:41,189
Oh, my God!
1080
01:04:41,258 --> 01:04:43,226
Is a swell time
1081
01:04:43,293 --> 01:04:46,387
To go glidin'
in a one-horse sleigh
1082
01:04:46,463 --> 01:04:49,626
Giddyup, jingle horse,
pick up your feet
1083
01:04:49,700 --> 01:04:52,828
Jingle around the clock
1084
01:04:52,903 --> 01:04:56,703
Mix and mingle
in the jinglin' beat...
1085
01:05:09,887 --> 01:05:11,878
Sweet Jews for Jesus.
1086
01:05:11,955 --> 01:05:13,980
I pissed myself.
1087
01:05:14,057 --> 01:05:15,752
What the fuck
do you think you doing?
1088
01:05:15,826 --> 01:05:17,657
You son of a bitch!
1089
01:05:17,728 --> 01:05:18,888
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey.
1090
01:05:18,962 --> 01:05:20,327
Hey, come on, come on.
1091
01:05:20,397 --> 01:05:22,024
Look, hey!
Come on, come on!
1092
01:05:22,099 --> 01:05:24,033
Look here.
Get him out of here.
1093
01:05:24,101 --> 01:05:25,728
I'll smooth things over
with Chipeska.
1094
01:05:25,802 --> 01:05:28,566
- Tell him food poisoning.
- "Get him out of here"?
1095
01:05:28,639 --> 01:05:29,970
Take him to the car.
1096
01:05:30,040 --> 01:05:33,032
In case you hadn't noticed,
I'm a motherfuckin' dwarf.
1097
01:05:33,110 --> 01:05:35,101
So unless you got
a forklift handy,
1098
01:05:35,179 --> 01:05:37,113
maybe you should
lend a hand, hmm?
1099
01:05:37,181 --> 01:05:39,240
That figures. You want
all kind of set-asides.
1100
01:05:39,316 --> 01:05:41,181
Special treatment
'cause you're handicapped.
1101
01:05:41,251 --> 01:05:42,149
You all the same.
1102
01:05:42,219 --> 01:05:43,311
Special treatment?
1103
01:05:43,387 --> 01:05:45,719
I'm 3-foot-fucking-tall,
you asshole!
1104
01:05:45,789 --> 01:05:47,381
It's a matter of physics.
1105
01:05:47,457 --> 01:05:49,925
Draw me a sketch of how
I get him to the car, huh?
1106
01:05:49,993 --> 01:05:51,756
Bitch, bitch, bitch.
1107
01:05:51,828 --> 01:05:53,455
Sketch it up, you moron.
1108
01:05:53,530 --> 01:05:56,090
Fucking Leonardo da Vinci.
1109
01:05:57,367 --> 01:05:58,834
What you call me, thigh high?
1110
01:05:58,902 --> 01:06:00,563
I called you
a fucking guinea homo
1111
01:06:00,637 --> 01:06:02,969
from the 15th-fucking-century,
you dickhead!
1112
01:06:03,040 --> 01:06:05,133
I could stick you up my ass,
small fry.
1113
01:06:05,209 --> 01:06:07,871
Yeah? You sure it ain't
too sore from last night?
1114
01:06:07,945 --> 01:06:09,776
You got some lip on you, midget.
1115
01:06:09,846 --> 01:06:12,679
Well, these lips were on
your wife's pussy last night.
1116
01:06:12,749 --> 01:06:15,513
Why don't you dust that
thing off once in a while?
1117
01:06:15,586 --> 01:06:17,144
Asshole.
1118
01:06:21,625 --> 01:06:22,922
I pissed my pants.
1119
01:06:22,993 --> 01:06:24,324
Oh, shut up.
1120
01:06:49,119 --> 01:06:51,019
Santa.
1121
01:07:00,697 --> 01:07:02,324
Santa?
1122
01:07:03,700 --> 01:07:05,099
What?
1123
01:07:06,403 --> 01:07:08,200
What are you doing?
1124
01:07:09,573 --> 01:07:11,040
Nothing.
1125
01:07:12,075 --> 01:07:14,043
You going to work today?
1126
01:07:17,414 --> 01:07:19,279
Not really.
1127
01:07:19,349 --> 01:07:22,079
You just gonna sit there?
1128
01:07:24,221 --> 01:07:25,153
Yeah.
1129
01:07:25,222 --> 01:07:27,918
Just let me alone, okay?
1130
01:07:31,395 --> 01:07:33,363
Hey, wait a minute.
Hey, kid?
1131
01:07:33,430 --> 01:07:34,897
Yeah?
1132
01:07:38,935 --> 01:07:40,800
I want you to take this letter.
1133
01:07:40,871 --> 01:07:45,001
When the paramedics come
to bag Santa up,
1134
01:07:45,075 --> 01:07:47,100
there's gonna be
some cops there.
1135
01:07:47,177 --> 01:07:50,374
I want you to make sure that
those cops get that envelope.
1136
01:07:50,447 --> 01:07:52,312
What is it?
1137
01:07:52,382 --> 01:07:55,374
It just tells
all the bad things that...
1138
01:07:57,788 --> 01:08:00,279
What the fuck happened
to your eye?
1139
01:08:01,491 --> 01:08:02,924
Fucking little prick!
1140
01:08:05,762 --> 01:08:08,526
So you like to give little kids
black eyes, huh?
1141
01:08:11,034 --> 01:08:13,161
How 'bout you, huh?!
You want some?!
1142
01:08:13,236 --> 01:08:15,830
Anybody else?
Anybody else? Come on!
1143
01:08:15,906 --> 01:08:17,635
Yeah, there you go.
1144
01:08:35,592 --> 01:08:38,220
You know, I think
I've turned a corner.
1145
01:08:38,962 --> 01:08:42,398
Yeah?
You fucking petites now?
1146
01:08:42,466 --> 01:08:44,832
No. I'm not talking about that.
1147
01:08:46,937 --> 01:08:50,498
I beat the shit
out of some kids today.
1148
01:08:50,574 --> 01:08:52,838
But it was for a purpose.
1149
01:08:55,212 --> 01:08:57,806
It made me feel good
about myself.
1150
01:08:59,449 --> 01:09:02,009
It was like I did something
constructive with my life.
1151
01:09:02,085 --> 01:09:03,848
I don't know.
1152
01:09:03,920 --> 01:09:06,252
Like I accomplished something.
1153
01:09:09,626 --> 01:09:12,493
You need many years of therapy.
1154
01:09:12,562 --> 01:09:16,623
Many, many, many
fuckin' years of therapy.
1155
01:09:17,401 --> 01:09:19,961
Okay. You don't drink,
which is smart on your part.
1156
01:09:20,036 --> 01:09:22,129
But being sober can put you
at a disadvantage
1157
01:09:22,205 --> 01:09:23,672
when it comes to violence.
1158
01:09:23,740 --> 01:09:25,901
I can't box worth a shit, see.
1159
01:09:25,976 --> 01:09:29,810
But I'm good in a fight
because I can't feel anything.
1160
01:09:29,880 --> 01:09:32,405
You, you're gonna feel
everything.
1161
01:09:33,683 --> 01:09:35,150
Okay.
1162
01:09:35,218 --> 01:09:38,915
Now put your dukes up.
Let me see what you got.
1163
01:09:38,989 --> 01:09:40,013
This is bullshit!
1164
01:09:40,090 --> 01:09:43,423
Give me one good reason why I
should even consider doing this.
1165
01:09:43,493 --> 01:09:46,018
'Cause I let 2,000 kids
spit in my face for your ass.
1166
01:09:46,096 --> 01:09:47,154
That's why.
1167
01:09:47,230 --> 01:09:48,993
Now, I'm asking you
for this one thing.
1168
01:09:49,065 --> 01:09:50,760
Come on, look at the kid.
1169
01:09:52,202 --> 01:09:53,464
He is pathetic.
1170
01:09:53,537 --> 01:09:55,129
Yeah, he's just a little...
1171
01:09:55,205 --> 01:09:57,366
He's a fucking retard.
1172
01:09:58,575 --> 01:10:00,702
Yeah, let's show him
a couple of things
1173
01:10:00,777 --> 01:10:02,108
so he can defend himself, then.
1174
01:10:02,179 --> 01:10:03,806
Unless you're scared.
1175
01:10:05,248 --> 01:10:07,045
All right,
here's what's gonna happen.
1176
01:10:07,117 --> 01:10:08,516
Marcus is a bully, right?
1177
01:10:08,585 --> 01:10:10,553
He's gonna pull your underwear
up out of your pants.
1178
01:10:10,620 --> 01:10:11,848
Now, what do you do?
1179
01:10:11,922 --> 01:10:12,980
I don't know.
1180
01:10:13,056 --> 01:10:14,318
God damn it!
You don't know?
1181
01:10:14,391 --> 01:10:17,724
If somebody wants to pull your
underwear up out of your pants,
1182
01:10:17,794 --> 01:10:18,988
you have to get mad.
1183
01:10:19,062 --> 01:10:21,189
Yeah, kid, come on.
Get mad.
1184
01:10:21,264 --> 01:10:22,663
Scream at him.
1185
01:10:24,901 --> 01:10:25,890
Jesus fucking Christ.
1186
01:10:25,969 --> 01:10:28,301
Listen at him.
He's a fucking faggot.
1187
01:10:29,206 --> 01:10:30,639
Loud! Scream!
1188
01:10:30,707 --> 01:10:32,641
Be loud! Be mean!
1189
01:10:32,709 --> 01:10:33,903
Piss him off!
Come on!
1190
01:10:33,977 --> 01:10:35,205
Aah!
1191
01:10:40,617 --> 01:10:43,745
You don't
hit people in the balls,
1192
01:10:43,820 --> 01:10:44,980
you asshole!
1193
01:10:45,055 --> 01:10:47,023
Aah!
1194
01:10:47,090 --> 01:10:49,422
What the fuck's wrong with you?
He's just a kid.
1195
01:10:49,493 --> 01:10:51,393
- Fuck you, Willie!
- Ow!
1196
01:10:52,128 --> 01:10:53,891
God damn it.
1197
01:10:53,964 --> 01:10:55,625
I told you
I didn't want to do this!
1198
01:10:55,699 --> 01:10:57,667
Making me...
Ohh!
1199
01:10:59,202 --> 01:11:01,102
Oh, shit.
1200
01:11:03,607 --> 01:11:06,974
Kid, maybe you shouldn't spend
so much time around me.
1201
01:11:08,345 --> 01:11:10,506
You sneaky little prick.
1202
01:11:11,715 --> 01:11:14,183
Fuck you!
Little bastard!
1203
01:11:14,251 --> 01:11:15,582
Get off me!
1204
01:11:22,826 --> 01:11:26,091
Shut up. That's not even
what you said.
1205
01:11:26,162 --> 01:11:27,925
Oh, God damn it,
I forgot about that.
1206
01:11:27,998 --> 01:11:30,626
We got a fucking nursing home
around here.
1207
01:11:30,700 --> 01:11:32,827
Well, we can go in another room.
1208
01:11:37,841 --> 01:11:40,275
She does look kind of still,
doesn't she?
1209
01:11:43,213 --> 01:11:44,737
Hey, Granny?
1210
01:11:47,684 --> 01:11:49,447
Hey, Granny.
1211
01:11:55,225 --> 01:11:57,489
Hey, there, Granny?
1212
01:11:57,561 --> 01:11:59,256
Oh, Granny.
1213
01:12:01,531 --> 01:12:02,498
Oh, my God.
1214
01:12:02,566 --> 01:12:04,090
What the fuck?
1215
01:12:06,603 --> 01:12:07,797
Oh, shit.
1216
01:12:11,341 --> 01:12:12,569
- Roger!
- God!
1217
01:12:12,642 --> 01:12:15,236
- God damn it! Shit!
- You're home.
1218
01:12:15,312 --> 01:12:18,907
- Please just tap me.
- Let me fix some sandwiches.
1219
01:12:54,484 --> 01:12:55,678
Hello, little boy.
1220
01:12:55,752 --> 01:12:57,310
Hello.
Santa...
1221
01:12:57,387 --> 01:13:00,117
I know that Christmas Eve
is in a couple days,
1222
01:13:00,190 --> 01:13:01,748
and you have to fly around
the world
1223
01:13:01,825 --> 01:13:05,989
and give presents to everyone,
and you won't be around anymore.
1224
01:13:06,062 --> 01:13:06,994
Yeah?
1225
01:13:07,063 --> 01:13:09,588
So I thought I'd give you
your present now.
1226
01:13:16,473 --> 01:13:17,565
What the fuck is it?
1227
01:13:17,641 --> 01:13:19,506
It's a wooden pickle.
1228
01:13:21,044 --> 01:13:23,569
- Why'd you paint it brown?
- It's not paint.
1229
01:13:23,647 --> 01:13:27,048
It's blood from when I cut
my hand making it for you.
1230
01:13:28,652 --> 01:13:29,880
Oh.
1231
01:13:29,953 --> 01:13:32,285
Well, shit, kid, I don't know.
1232
01:13:32,355 --> 01:13:34,016
I...
1233
01:13:35,492 --> 01:13:37,551
Thanks.
1234
01:13:37,627 --> 01:13:39,492
You're welcome.
1235
01:13:39,562 --> 01:13:40,995
Good night, Santa.
1236
01:13:42,732 --> 01:13:45,895
Good night, Mrs. Santa's sister.
1237
01:13:46,670 --> 01:13:48,535
Good night, sweetie.
1238
01:13:51,007 --> 01:13:52,941
Oh, my God.
1239
01:13:53,009 --> 01:13:54,442
That was so sweet.
1240
01:13:54,511 --> 01:13:57,480
He's a really sweet kid,
isn't he?
1241
01:13:57,547 --> 01:13:59,708
Yeah, I guess so.
1242
01:14:02,519 --> 01:14:04,453
Come on, baby.
1243
01:14:05,188 --> 01:14:06,746
Come here.
1244
01:14:08,124 --> 01:14:09,614
What?
1245
01:14:09,693 --> 01:14:11,888
Oh, nothing.
I'm all right.
1246
01:14:15,732 --> 01:14:17,791
Just a little tired.
1247
01:14:17,867 --> 01:14:19,698
Oh.
1248
01:14:29,579 --> 01:14:30,773
Santa!
1249
01:14:30,847 --> 01:14:33,042
God damn it!
Whoa! Shit!
1250
01:14:33,116 --> 01:14:35,346
Want to see my report card?
1251
01:14:35,418 --> 01:14:37,249
You scared the holy shit
out of me.
1252
01:14:37,320 --> 01:14:38,582
Think I did good?
1253
01:14:38,655 --> 01:14:41,715
How would I know? I haven't seen
the fuckin' thing yet.
1254
01:14:46,696 --> 01:14:48,163
Who the fuck is Thurman?
1255
01:14:48,231 --> 01:14:50,893
- Is your name Thurman?
- Yeah.
1256
01:14:52,769 --> 01:14:54,134
Thurman Merman?
1257
01:14:54,204 --> 01:14:55,762
Yeah.
1258
01:14:57,407 --> 01:14:58,965
Jesus.
1259
01:14:59,042 --> 01:15:00,805
So, you think I did good?
1260
01:15:03,513 --> 01:15:06,949
What do you care
what I think, anyway?
1261
01:15:07,016 --> 01:15:09,143
Hell, I guess you did better
than I did.
1262
01:15:09,219 --> 01:15:11,585
I never got any B's.
1263
01:15:11,654 --> 01:15:14,179
I thought maybe at least
since I did good in school,
1264
01:15:14,257 --> 01:15:15,815
maybe you'd bring me a present.
1265
01:15:15,892 --> 01:15:17,757
'Cause last year
and the year before that,
1266
01:15:17,827 --> 01:15:19,954
you didn't bring me
any presents.
1267
01:15:23,032 --> 01:15:25,364
Even though I'm a dipshit loser.
1268
01:15:29,606 --> 01:15:31,767
Jesus fucking Christ, kid!
1269
01:15:31,841 --> 01:15:34,901
Why do you talk about
yourself that way?!
1270
01:15:34,978 --> 01:15:38,141
Let me give you some news.
I'm not Santa Claus, all right?
1271
01:15:38,214 --> 01:15:40,705
Take a look at me.
Do I look like Santa Claus?
1272
01:15:40,784 --> 01:15:43,252
As a matter of fact,
I'm living fucking proof
1273
01:15:43,319 --> 01:15:45,549
that there's not a Santa Claus.
1274
01:15:46,289 --> 01:15:48,450
I know there's no Santa.
1275
01:15:48,525 --> 01:15:50,959
I just thought maybe you'd
want to give me a present
1276
01:15:51,027 --> 01:15:52,722
'cause we're friends.
1277
01:16:17,620 --> 01:16:18,882
There he is.
1278
01:16:18,955 --> 01:16:22,755
That lousy, leather-faced,
frog-eyed, motherfucker.
1279
01:16:22,826 --> 01:16:25,124
- Good night, Gin.
- Good night.
1280
01:16:57,227 --> 01:16:59,252
Jesus, Mother Mary, and Joseph.
1281
01:16:59,329 --> 01:17:00,626
What is the problem now?
1282
01:17:00,697 --> 01:17:02,392
I'm sorry.
The van stalled.
1283
01:17:03,600 --> 01:17:05,761
Will you give us a jump, please?
1284
01:17:05,835 --> 01:17:07,735
I'll be dipped in dog shit.
1285
01:17:07,804 --> 01:17:09,863
Do I look like
an auto mechanic to you?
1286
01:17:17,146 --> 01:17:19,114
I appreciate it.
1287
01:17:21,718 --> 01:17:24,346
All right, small fry,
help yourself.
1288
01:17:28,958 --> 01:17:30,050
I can't reach it.
1289
01:17:30,126 --> 01:17:31,787
Jesus Christ, give me that.
1290
01:17:31,861 --> 01:17:33,055
Thanks.
1291
01:17:35,465 --> 01:17:36,432
All right, hit it.
1292
01:18:07,230 --> 01:18:10,256
Oh, my.
What a terrible accident.
1293
01:18:10,333 --> 01:18:11,459
Mm-mm-mmm.
1294
01:18:11,534 --> 01:18:12,899
- Is he dead?
- No.
1295
01:18:12,969 --> 01:18:15,335
But it looks like
you broke most of his ribs.
1296
01:18:15,405 --> 01:18:20,035
I'd say maybe 50% of them,
or do you think 30%?
1297
01:18:20,109 --> 01:18:21,838
I needed more
of a running start.
1298
01:18:21,911 --> 01:18:24,175
I couldn't build up
enough speed.
1299
01:18:40,229 --> 01:18:42,459
Merry Christmas Eve.
1300
01:18:43,333 --> 01:18:46,029
Got you a little something.
1301
01:18:46,102 --> 01:18:47,967
You shouldn't have.
1302
01:18:48,037 --> 01:18:50,335
You should put that stuff
in the kitchen.
1303
01:18:53,109 --> 01:18:55,407
God damn, you look good.
1304
01:19:00,049 --> 01:19:02,745
Here you go.
1305
01:19:04,153 --> 01:19:07,645
Little behind there, sweetie?
1306
01:19:07,724 --> 01:19:10,022
We don't need any more
of this shit.
1307
01:19:10,093 --> 01:19:14,120
"Christmas keeps us connected
to each other in peace.
1308
01:19:14,197 --> 01:19:17,894
The angel is going to tell
everyone in the world. "
1309
01:19:22,472 --> 01:19:23,700
Aspirin?
1310
01:19:23,773 --> 01:19:26,003
As in olden days
1311
01:19:26,075 --> 01:19:31,809
Happy golden days of yore
1312
01:19:31,881 --> 01:19:36,011
Faithful friends
who are dear to us
1313
01:19:36,085 --> 01:19:42,115
Gather near to us once more
1314
01:19:42,191 --> 01:19:47,424
Through the years,
we all will be together
1315
01:19:47,497 --> 01:19:51,957
If the fates allow
1316
01:19:52,035 --> 01:20:00,875
Until then, we'll have to
muddle through somehow
1317
01:20:00,943 --> 01:20:09,282
So have yourself
a merry little Christmas now
1318
01:20:12,088 --> 01:20:17,720
Through the years,
we all will be together
1319
01:20:17,794 --> 01:20:22,094
If the fates allow
1320
01:20:22,165 --> 01:20:30,595
Hang a shining star
upon the highest bough
1321
01:20:30,673 --> 01:20:34,234
And have yourself
1322
01:20:34,310 --> 01:20:42,149
A merry little Christmas
1323
01:20:42,218 --> 01:20:46,621
Now
1324
01:20:50,760 --> 01:20:52,159
Shit!
1325
01:20:52,228 --> 01:20:53,855
Jesus.
1326
01:20:56,399 --> 01:20:57,457
Santa?
1327
01:20:59,502 --> 01:21:02,198
- What?
- I was gonna make sandwiches.
1328
01:21:02,271 --> 01:21:04,899
I could make you one
before you leave.
1329
01:21:07,276 --> 01:21:09,210
Listen, kid, I don't know.
1330
01:21:09,278 --> 01:21:12,372
I got shit to do and everything.
1331
01:21:17,320 --> 01:21:19,447
Okay, make me some sandwiches.
1332
01:21:19,522 --> 01:21:21,649
I gotta go to the mall
and talk to somebody.
1333
01:21:21,724 --> 01:21:22,782
I'll be back.
1334
01:21:22,859 --> 01:21:23,655
For dinner?
1335
01:21:23,726 --> 01:21:25,557
Yeah, that's what I said.
Yeah.
1336
01:21:25,628 --> 01:21:27,721
How many sandwiches do you want?
1337
01:21:28,631 --> 01:21:30,826
Uh, a bunch.
1338
01:21:30,900 --> 01:21:32,959
How much lettuce do you want?
1339
01:21:35,605 --> 01:21:37,402
I don't know.
The usual amount.
1340
01:21:37,473 --> 01:21:39,566
Whatever the hell people do.
Whatever you think.
1341
01:21:39,642 --> 01:21:40,973
Okay.
1342
01:21:59,362 --> 01:22:00,158
Have a very merry Christmas.
1343
01:22:00,196 --> 01:22:01,925
- Merry Christmas.
- Good night.
1344
01:22:01,998 --> 01:22:03,329
Merry Christmas.
1345
01:22:03,399 --> 01:22:04,525
Good night.
1346
01:22:04,600 --> 01:22:06,192
- Good night.
- Okay! Happy holiday!
1347
01:22:06,269 --> 01:22:07,736
Attention, shoppers.
1348
01:22:07,803 --> 01:22:10,135
The store will be closing
in five minutes.
1349
01:22:10,206 --> 01:22:11,935
We wish you all
a merry Christmas,
1350
01:22:12,008 --> 01:22:15,239
a happy Hanukkah,
and a joyous Kwanzaa.
1351
01:22:30,960 --> 01:22:33,895
All right, hold it steady.
1352
01:22:37,500 --> 01:22:40,469
Oh, yeah, shit, let's do it.
1353
01:22:41,470 --> 01:22:42,835
Oh, Christ.
1354
01:22:47,977 --> 01:22:48,966
Merry Christmas.
1355
01:22:50,513 --> 01:22:51,912
Good night.
1356
01:22:53,182 --> 01:22:55,241
Merry Christmas, Willie.
1357
01:22:55,318 --> 01:22:56,945
Up your ass.
1358
01:23:23,779 --> 01:23:25,508
Aaaah!
1359
01:23:28,484 --> 01:23:29,883
Whoa!
1360
01:23:56,312 --> 01:23:57,745
Oh, shit.
1361
01:23:59,015 --> 01:24:00,073
What?
1362
01:24:04,186 --> 01:24:05,483
What?
1363
01:24:05,554 --> 01:24:07,647
It's a Kitnerboy Redoubt.
1364
01:24:07,723 --> 01:24:08,417
So?
1365
01:24:08,491 --> 01:24:09,719
Remember Andy Pitz?
1366
01:24:09,792 --> 01:24:11,089
Andy Pitzorella?
Yeah.
1367
01:24:11,160 --> 01:24:12,320
No, Andy Ripitski.
1368
01:24:12,395 --> 01:24:14,260
Andy Pitzorella
was Andy Blue Balls.
1369
01:24:14,330 --> 01:24:16,560
Since he got married,
they call him Andy Pitzorella.
1370
01:24:16,632 --> 01:24:18,395
What's your fucking point?!
1371
01:24:18,467 --> 01:24:20,162
They say he can get
into anything.
1372
01:24:20,236 --> 01:24:22,170
Anything.
1373
01:24:22,238 --> 01:24:24,536
They say he's been
in Margaret Thatcher's pussy.
1374
01:24:24,607 --> 01:24:25,972
And that's a good thing?
1375
01:24:26,042 --> 01:24:27,703
So what the fuck
are you getting at?
1376
01:24:27,777 --> 01:24:29,267
When I was
in the joint with him,
1377
01:24:29,345 --> 01:24:33,008
he told me that the Kitnerboy
Redoubt can't be cracked.
1378
01:24:33,082 --> 01:24:35,915
Are you shittin' me?
1379
01:24:35,985 --> 01:24:38,476
Are you telling me
that after I propped you up,
1380
01:24:38,554 --> 01:24:41,250
held you together,
smiled for all those kids,
1381
01:24:41,324 --> 01:24:43,519
danced for all those
fucking housewives
1382
01:24:43,592 --> 01:24:46,823
in a fucking lime-green,
fucking velvet elf costume,
1383
01:24:46,896 --> 01:24:49,023
that you cannot
get in this fucking safe?!
1384
01:24:49,098 --> 01:24:51,794
Is that what you're
telling me?! Huh?!
1385
01:24:51,867 --> 01:24:55,633
No, I'm just saying
it's gonna take a minute.
1386
01:25:19,028 --> 01:25:20,620
Fuck.
1387
01:25:30,940 --> 01:25:31,964
Shit.
1388
01:25:32,041 --> 01:25:33,736
34C.
1389
01:26:18,354 --> 01:26:19,514
Fuck!
1390
01:26:52,555 --> 01:26:54,216
Piece of cake.
1391
01:26:55,891 --> 01:26:58,621
I gotta get one more thing.
I'll be right back.
1392
01:27:21,851 --> 01:27:24,183
Oh, shit.
Which one did he say?
1393
01:27:42,805 --> 01:27:45,603
I'll bet the store dick
don't want this.
1394
01:27:45,674 --> 01:27:48,040
Store dick don't want shit.
1395
01:27:50,546 --> 01:27:52,514
What do you mean?
1396
01:27:52,581 --> 01:27:54,446
Store dick's dead.
1397
01:27:54,517 --> 01:27:56,985
Store dick don't want shit.
1398
01:27:58,320 --> 01:28:00,151
He's dead, huh?
1399
01:28:02,591 --> 01:28:04,855
I didn't even know he was sick.
1400
01:28:04,927 --> 01:28:06,451
Willie...
1401
01:28:06,529 --> 01:28:08,997
this has been
a long time coming.
1402
01:28:09,064 --> 01:28:13,000
Every year, you're worse.
Every year, less reliable.
1403
01:28:13,068 --> 01:28:15,468
More booze.
More bullshit.
1404
01:28:15,538 --> 01:28:17,005
More buttfucking.
1405
01:28:17,072 --> 01:28:20,405
Sure, the three B's.
1406
01:28:20,476 --> 01:28:23,070
You gotta be able to rely,
Willie.
1407
01:28:25,748 --> 01:28:28,239
You people are monsters.
1408
01:28:28,317 --> 01:28:30,649
There's no joy in this for me.
1409
01:28:34,156 --> 01:28:36,351
I'm not talking about
you taking me out.
1410
01:28:36,425 --> 01:28:38,325
That part, I get.
1411
01:28:41,964 --> 01:28:43,795
But look at all that shit.
1412
01:28:46,168 --> 01:28:49,137
Do you really need
all that shit?
1413
01:28:50,806 --> 01:28:52,933
For Christ sakes,
it's Christmas.
1414
01:28:53,008 --> 01:28:54,669
It is Christmas, Willie.
1415
01:28:54,743 --> 01:28:56,301
But this is what we do.
1416
01:28:56,378 --> 01:28:58,608
We get the shit.
1417
01:28:58,681 --> 01:29:01,809
Christmastime, we get the shit.
1418
01:29:01,884 --> 01:29:05,047
Because we are men and Lois.
1419
01:29:07,590 --> 01:29:09,217
It is Christmas, Willie.
1420
01:29:09,291 --> 01:29:11,350
And we are men and Lois.
1421
01:29:12,861 --> 01:29:14,692
What you waiting for, honey?
1422
01:29:14,763 --> 01:29:17,732
Come on, plug him.
1423
01:29:21,637 --> 01:29:23,537
Goodbye, Willie.
1424
01:29:25,874 --> 01:29:27,398
- Drop the gun.
- Huh?!
1425
01:29:28,711 --> 01:29:30,736
And you, Santa,
drop the elephant.
1426
01:29:30,813 --> 01:29:32,713
- Where did you come from?
- Tipped off.
1427
01:29:32,781 --> 01:29:34,476
Shit, that fucking kid.
1428
01:29:34,550 --> 01:29:37,348
All three of you are in so much
shit, it's almost unbelievable.
1429
01:29:38,787 --> 01:29:40,652
Marcus, hop on!
1430
01:30:00,876 --> 01:30:02,969
Fuck me.
1431
01:30:37,212 --> 01:30:38,372
Hey, hey!
1432
01:30:59,568 --> 01:31:03,026
This is Christmas, and the kid's
getting his fucking present.
1433
01:31:26,929 --> 01:31:29,625
Halt, police!
Put your hands up!
1434
01:31:29,698 --> 01:31:32,292
I said freeze!
Freeze!
1435
01:31:38,874 --> 01:31:42,674
- Aaaah!
- Aaaah!
1436
01:32:25,954 --> 01:32:27,888
"Dear kid...
1437
01:32:27,956 --> 01:32:29,685
I hope that you got my present
1438
01:32:29,758 --> 01:32:32,056
and that there wasn't
too much blood on it,
1439
01:32:32,127 --> 01:32:34,527
although there was blood
on the present you gave me,
1440
01:32:34,596 --> 01:32:36,359
which didn't keep me
from enjoying it.
1441
01:32:36,431 --> 01:32:39,491
So maybe the blood doesn't
matter so much, I guess. "
1442
01:32:41,737 --> 01:32:44,831
"Anyway, just in case
they took it as evidence,
1443
01:32:44,907 --> 01:32:47,239
I'm also sending you a T-shirt.
1444
01:32:47,309 --> 01:32:49,800
I hope it's the right size. "
1445
01:32:50,445 --> 01:32:51,844
"I'm healing up good,
1446
01:32:51,914 --> 01:32:54,678
and they tell me
that I will soon be 100%,
1447
01:32:54,750 --> 01:32:56,615
even with 8 bullets
dug out of me,
1448
01:32:56,685 --> 01:32:58,710
because they didn't hit
any vital organs,
1449
01:32:58,787 --> 01:33:01,449
just my liver,
which is fucked anyway.
1450
01:33:01,523 --> 01:33:03,184
Ha ha ha.
1451
01:33:03,258 --> 01:33:05,453
Thank you for giving
that letter to the cops.
1452
01:33:05,527 --> 01:33:08,291
I forgot I asked you to do it,
but it's a good thing you did
1453
01:33:08,363 --> 01:33:10,797
or Santa's little helper
would've plugged his ass.
1454
01:33:10,866 --> 01:33:12,163
Now the cops know I wrote it,
1455
01:33:12,234 --> 01:33:14,202
which is gonna keep my ass
out of jail.
1456
01:33:14,269 --> 01:33:15,759
That, plus everyone agreeing
1457
01:33:15,838 --> 01:33:18,363
that the Phoenix police
shooting an unarmed Santa
1458
01:33:18,440 --> 01:33:21,000
was even more fucked up
than Rodney King. "
1459
01:33:22,010 --> 01:33:24,308
"The cops are treating me
like fucking royalty now,
1460
01:33:24,379 --> 01:33:25,937
which is new in my experience.
1461
01:33:26,014 --> 01:33:28,005
They're gonna make me
a sensitivity counselor
1462
01:33:28,083 --> 01:33:29,448
so that tragedies like this
1463
01:33:29,518 --> 01:33:32,385
will never again embarrass
the whole fucking department.
1464
01:33:32,454 --> 01:33:35,480
I told the cops you had no one
to take the fuck care of you,
1465
01:33:35,557 --> 01:33:37,752
so they set it up
with Mrs. Santa's sister
1466
01:33:37,826 --> 01:33:39,316
watching you
till your dad gets back
1467
01:33:39,394 --> 01:33:40,827
in one year and three months.
1468
01:33:40,896 --> 01:33:43,831
They made her a guardian
pro tem or some such shit.
1469
01:33:43,899 --> 01:33:47,130
Anyway, she seems to like you
and your house and Jacuzzi.
1470
01:33:47,202 --> 01:33:48,430
I sent her some money,
1471
01:33:48,503 --> 01:33:49,902
so if you play
your cards right,
1472
01:33:49,972 --> 01:33:53,135
you can probably get her
to buy you something.
1473
01:33:53,208 --> 01:33:55,642
As for my little helper,
I'm sorry to have to tell you
1474
01:33:55,711 --> 01:33:57,906
that him and his
prune-faced, mail-order wife
1475
01:33:57,980 --> 01:34:00,244
are gonna be exploring
mountains with your dad.
1476
01:34:00,315 --> 01:34:02,613
I hope your dad doesn't go
sucking shit from them
1477
01:34:02,684 --> 01:34:03,912
like I did.
1478
01:34:03,986 --> 01:34:06,750
They're supposed to let me
out of this hospital room soon,
1479
01:34:06,822 --> 01:34:08,915
so get some sandwiches ready.
1480
01:34:08,991 --> 01:34:12,085
Until then, don't take
no shit from nobody,
1481
01:34:12,160 --> 01:34:13,752
least of all yourself.
1482
01:34:13,829 --> 01:34:15,888
Ho ho ho.
1483
01:34:15,964 --> 01:34:18,728
Your pal, Santa. "
1484
01:34:21,703 --> 01:34:22,829
Hey, loser.
1485
01:34:24,506 --> 01:34:27,873
I hear your buddy's not here
to protect you anymore.
1486
01:34:29,544 --> 01:34:31,774
See you got me a new bike.
1487
01:34:31,847 --> 01:34:33,610
Thanks a lot.
1488
01:34:34,283 --> 01:34:36,012
I'm talking to you, fat-ass!
1489
01:34:36,084 --> 01:34:37,813
Aaah!
1490
01:36:54,456 --> 01:36:57,050
And it wouldn't be Christmas
without you
1491
01:36:57,125 --> 01:36:59,423
Can't fool me,
I know it's true
1492
01:36:59,494 --> 01:37:03,760
Merry Christmas,
merry la la la
1493
01:37:03,832 --> 01:37:06,392
And it wouldn't be Christmas
without you
1494
01:37:06,468 --> 01:37:08,766
Can't fool me,
I know it's true
1495
01:37:08,837 --> 01:37:13,399
Merry Christmas,
merry la la la
1496
01:37:13,475 --> 01:37:15,773
Making my friends
out of snow
1497
01:37:15,844 --> 01:37:18,210
It's Christmas,
and I'm all alone
1498
01:37:18,280 --> 01:37:20,339
But it won't bring me down
1499
01:37:20,415 --> 01:37:25,011
'Cause Christmas cheer
is all around
1500
01:37:25,087 --> 01:37:27,647
And it wouldn't be Christmas
without you
1501
01:37:27,722 --> 01:37:29,917
Can't fool me,
I know it's true
1502
01:37:29,991 --> 01:37:34,451
Merry Christmas,
merry la la la
1503
01:37:34,529 --> 01:37:37,020
And it wouldn't be Christmas
without you
1504
01:37:37,099 --> 01:37:39,329
Can't fool me,
I know it's true
1505
01:37:39,401 --> 01:37:43,895
Merry Christmas,
merry la la la
1506
01:37:43,972 --> 01:37:48,671
Santa Claus is flying high
across the frosty winter sky
1507
01:37:48,743 --> 01:37:51,007
I'm gonna find him
and my toys
1508
01:37:51,079 --> 01:37:55,448
He's in a band
that just makes noise
1509
01:37:55,517 --> 01:37:58,077
And it wouldn't be Christmas
without you
1510
01:37:58,153 --> 01:38:00,417
Can't fool me,
I know it's true
1511
01:38:00,489 --> 01:38:04,858
Merry Christmas,
merry la la la
1512
01:38:04,926 --> 01:38:07,520
And it wouldn't be Christmas
without you
1513
01:38:07,596 --> 01:38:09,757
Can't fool me,
I know it's true
1514
01:38:09,831 --> 01:38:13,858
Merry Christmas,
merry la la la
1515
01:38:23,345 --> 01:38:24,573
Christmas
1516
01:38:24,646 --> 01:38:26,671
The snow's coming down
1517
01:38:26,748 --> 01:38:28,113
Christmas
1518
01:38:28,183 --> 01:38:30,174
I'm watching it fall
1519
01:38:30,252 --> 01:38:31,241
Christmas
1520
01:38:31,319 --> 01:38:33,514
Watching the people around
1521
01:38:33,588 --> 01:38:34,555
Christmas
1522
01:38:34,623 --> 01:38:37,217
Baby, please come home
1523
01:38:37,292 --> 01:38:40,955
They're singing
"Deck the Halls"
1524
01:38:41,029 --> 01:38:44,123
But it's not like
Christmas at all
1525
01:38:44,199 --> 01:38:47,430
I remember
when you were here
1526
01:38:47,502 --> 01:38:50,562
And all the fun
we had last year
1527
01:38:50,639 --> 01:38:53,870
- Baby, please come home
- Christmas
1528
01:38:53,942 --> 01:38:57,241
- Ohhhhh
- Christmas
1529
01:38:57,312 --> 01:39:00,713
- Baby, please come home
- Christmas
1530
01:39:00,782 --> 01:39:03,512
- Baby
- Christmas