1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,258 This is squad, we got him here. 3 00:00:51,342 --> 00:00:54,970 We have a positive ID. It is the Ripper. Repeat, it is the Ripper. 4 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:07,608 This is one hell of a way to spend Christmas. 5 00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:12,529 - Mulcahey! - Sir. 6 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:16,158 - Secure the sidewalk. No one in or out. - Yes, sir. 7 00:01:36,846 --> 00:01:39,973 Got a present for you. Pigs! 8 00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:51,485 Damn you! Let the children go! Damn you, Ripper! Let the children go! 9 00:02:18,429 --> 00:02:22,850 Slater! Don't even think it, Slater, you hear me? 10 00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:25,936 You're gonna sit and wait for the real hostage negotiator! 11 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,564 God damn it, Jack, I'm talking to you! 12 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:33,360 The last time you pulled this jive, jitterbug, tough gonad shit, 13 00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:35,362 people lost body parts! 14 00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:38,699 Now, you go in there and it's your badge! 15 00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:44,329 Jack! I know, as mayor of this great metropolis, 16 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:47,040 you and I have had our little tiffs, but this is the Lieutenant Governor. 17 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:50,127 - Slater, here's what I... - When the governor gets here, call me. 18 00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:55,841 Slater's attempting to enter. Do not let him in. Repeat, do not let him in. 19 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,510 - Piece of cake. - Hey. 20 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:02,264 You want to be a farmer? Here's a couple of acres. 21 00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:08,353 - Dekker, the next one I'll hurt. - Slater, don't go in... 22 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:16,361 Check fire. There's an officer in the building. I say again, 23 00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:19,281 there's a plain-clothes officer in the building! 24 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,788 - Jack, what kept you? - Dad! 25 00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:35,172 Andy here's been getting nervous. I promised him you'd come. 26 00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,092 Gave him my word of honor he could watch you die. 27 00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:44,806 - Lose the cannon. - Has he hurt you, Andrew? 28 00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:53,106 Hurt, Jack? You say "hurt"? What do you know about hurt, Jack? 29 00:03:53,691 --> 00:03:58,570 - You put me in a cage for 10 years. - You should have gotten the death penalty. 30 00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:01,698 Yeah, would've, should've, could've. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. 31 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:05,869 Things crawling around in your head. Sitting on my chest when I wake up. 32 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:09,081 Do you know what that's like, Jack? 33 00:04:09,707 --> 00:04:13,877 It was your illegal search that rendered the bloody ax inadmissible. 34 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:18,590 Remember, Jack? Now lose the gun. 35 00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:34,856 All right, I'm unarmed. So let the boy go. 36 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:38,694 Just one gun, Jack? You got to be kidding. 37 00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:05,887 - Is that all, sport? - Yep, that about does it. 38 00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:07,931 Then step away. 39 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,603 Chop-chop. 40 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:19,401 Oh, unless you consider this a weapon. 41 00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:31,747 Brilliant, Jack. Brilliant. I surrender. 42 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:36,043 - It's a live grenade. - Yeah, right, Jack. Right, right. 43 00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:38,545 You're going to sacrifice your own child to get to me. 44 00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:41,423 I'm very flattered, Jack, but I doubt it. 45 00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:46,345 Andy, pick up the grenade. Go on. 46 00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:54,102 Show it to me. That's good. Right there. 47 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:03,779 Jack, that toy can't hurt the boy, 48 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,157 but this one can. 49 00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:29,679 Focus! 50 00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:34,643 Hey, come on! Focus! 51 00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:40,148 - Hey, people are trying to sleep. - Yeah, right. 52 00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:46,363 The film is out of focus. The film is out... Never mind. 53 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:54,663 Nick! 54 00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:05,757 Nick. 55 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,135 Nick? 56 00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:11,346 Nick, you okay? 57 00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:16,393 - What? - The climax is on the fritz. 58 00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,730 All right. All right. 59 00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:32,534 I never used to do that, Danny. 60 00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:35,871 It's okay. 61 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,999 I've seen this Slater six times. I just got worried. 62 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:45,630 You know, the new Jack Slater opens this weekend at the Odyssey. 63 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,382 Like I didn't know that. 64 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:51,553 "They killed his second cousin. Big mistake." 65 00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,724 "Jack Slater IV." 66 00:07:56,267 --> 00:08:01,563 Well, I'm checking the print tonight, midnight. Just myself. 67 00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,902 I could arrange for you to gain admittance, that is, you know, 68 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:09,738 if that sort of thing appeals to you. 69 00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:12,449 - See it before it opens? - Yeah. 70 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:17,120 - Who do I have to kill? - Nobody. All you have to do is get to school. 71 00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,581 You know, if you hurry, you're only going to be four hours late. 72 00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:50,737 Treachery, conspiracy, sex, sword fights, madness, ghosts. 73 00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:53,406 And in the end, everybody dies. 74 00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:56,952 Shakespeare's Hamlet couldn't be more exciting. 75 00:08:57,286 --> 00:09:02,207 And though it may seem that he is incapable of taking any action, 76 00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:07,963 he is, in fact, one of the first action heroes. 77 00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:16,304 What you are going to see is a scene from the film by Laurence Olivier. 78 00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:20,600 Some of you might have seen him in the Polaroid commercial, 79 00:09:21,185 --> 00:09:25,313 or as Zeus in Clash ofthe Titans. 80 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,569 O, bosom, black as death! 81 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,241 Help, angels! 82 00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:39,619 All may yet be well. 83 00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:44,833 Now he's praying, and now I'll do it. 84 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,933 And so he goes to heaven. 85 00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,185 Don't talk. Just do it. 86 00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:11,192 Hey, Claudius. 87 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,407 You killed my father. 88 00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:22,203 Big mistake. 89 00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:28,126 Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, 90 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:32,047 and Hamlet is taking out the trash. 91 00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:42,515 - Stay thy hand, fair prince. - Who said I'm fair? 92 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:54,277 No one's going to tell this sweet prince, "Good night." 93 00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:58,573 To be or not to be. 94 00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:01,951 Not to be. 95 00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:24,224 The whole morning? He wasn't. 96 00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:28,520 No, I said, "He wasn't." He wasn't at school today. 97 00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:30,563 He's sick as a lamb, poor dog. 98 00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:36,569 Regale me with the story of your life starting this morning, 8:30, first period, 99 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:40,281 American history and make this really good. 100 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:44,452 I mean something along the lines of, "I cut so I could donate a kidney." 101 00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:54,421 You were at the movies again, weren't you? And that crazy old guy is an accessory. 102 00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:57,757 - Nick's not crazy. - Damn it, Danny! 103 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:05,473 You know, I'm in there, lying to a principal, me, a charter member of the PTA. 104 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,268 And what for? So you can go to the movies? 105 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:10,895 Sorry. 106 00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:16,234 I didn't choose any of this. I didn't choose it. I didn't say, "Hey, what the hell, 107 00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:20,071 "let me see what it would be like to be a widow before I'm 40, give that a try." 108 00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:23,825 - I know that. - Give me a hug. 109 00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:29,914 - I won't cut again. - Let me hear the "p" word on that. 110 00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,916 - Promise. - All right. 111 00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:39,507 Oh, Jesus! I'm late. I got to get to work. All right. 112 00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:44,137 Lock the top lock the minute I close the door, okay? 113 00:12:44,221 --> 00:12:46,347 And do not open this door for anyone. 114 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,808 - Bye. - Bye. 115 00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:53,062 She called her mother in and they're trying to do something about it. 116 00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:56,691 They had cereal bugs. I can't wait to see the new... 117 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,276 ...continue to be a big problem... 118 00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,360 Come here often? 119 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,197 Ron Rice for one reason. 120 00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:04,699 What you eating? 121 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,075 Nothing, maggots. 122 00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:45,323 You alone? Okay. Move it! 123 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,706 Do yourself to the drain. 124 00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,420 Tough guy. 125 00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:06,803 Do it. I'll make it easier for you. 126 00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:11,391 Go ahead. 127 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,271 Do it. 128 00:14:21,902 --> 00:14:25,238 What is it with you? You got junk! 129 00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:31,995 No jewelry, no VCR. A shit TV that will get me 20 bucks. 130 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,706 Go fish, amigo. 131 00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:43,047 Remember now, your mom says you're to go straight home. 132 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:47,427 - She'll be there when the shift is over. - Yes, sir. 133 00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:51,347 If we find the guy, I'll give you a call. 134 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:07,030 Nick! 135 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:25,882 Come on. 136 00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:31,179 - I about gave up on you. - Sorry. 137 00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:47,528 - Well, what do you think? - Well, I've never seen anything like it. 138 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:54,494 - It's not too tight, is it? - No, no. It's... It's the style. 139 00:15:56,205 --> 00:16:01,084 I always wanted to be a magician, but my hands, they were just too tiny. 140 00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:06,923 My father, he was bookkeeper here and he got me my first job. 141 00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:12,845 Usher. It was still a vaudeville house. Then I worked myself up to projectionist. 142 00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:16,474 It's not much, but it's still show biz. 143 00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:25,066 So... Is the print ready to roll? 144 00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:28,945 Just a minute, young man. Aren't we forgetting something? 145 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,365 A ticket. 146 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:37,745 You got to have a ticket, Danny, to see a movie, and have I got just the one. 147 00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:43,251 See, when I was about your age, Harry Houdini played this theater 148 00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:46,754 and my pop took me backstage to see him after the show. 149 00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:51,050 And he made a gesture, Houdini did. Like this. 150 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:55,555 And all of a sudden, this was in his hand. 151 00:16:56,473 --> 00:17:00,768 And he said to me, he whispered, he said, "This is a magic ticket. 152 00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:04,355 "It was given to me by the best magician in India, 153 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,275 "and it was given to him by the best magician in Tibet. 154 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:11,237 "It's a passport to another world. 155 00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:15,450 "It was mine, and now it's yours." 156 00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,122 And now it's yours. 157 00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,086 What does it do, Nick? 158 00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:30,256 I never had the courage to find out. 159 00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:33,259 I had the ticket for years and I wanted to try, 160 00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:36,596 but I guess I was afraid it wouldn't work. 161 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,766 See, when I was your age, Houdini was like a god to me. 162 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,768 But what if he was faking? 163 00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:44,854 And then again, 164 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:49,233 what if it did work? 165 00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:52,403 Yeah, well, what if it did? 166 00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:56,991 Well, Houdini said something else to me. 167 00:17:57,618 --> 00:18:02,038 He said, "This ticket has a mind of its own. 168 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:07,418 "It does what it wants to do." 169 00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:12,757 And that always made me just a little edgy. 170 00:18:14,676 --> 00:18:18,012 Well, I guess there's only one way to find out, then, right? 171 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,687 Please retain your stub, sir. 172 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,737 Shall we see if Mr. Slater wins this time? 173 00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:39,200 Jack Slater can't lose! Never has, never will. 174 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,871 Oh, Frankie. 175 00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:31,752 Frank. Frankie. 176 00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:36,841 Frankie, why you keep on with the insults? 177 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:43,264 - I would never insult you, Mr. Vivaldi. - When you lie, that's an insult. 178 00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:48,019 I know you're Jack Slater's favorite second cousin in the whole world. 179 00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:53,816 You all the time talk to each other. I got to know what Slater knows, 180 00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:58,446 and you are going to tell me, huh? 181 00:20:00,657 --> 00:20:05,453 Does he know that my mob and Torelli's mob have just signed a secret pact 182 00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:06,913 to control... 183 00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:13,085 To control all the drugs in Southern California? 184 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,798 We mostly talk muzzle velocities. 185 00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:21,427 Guns. 186 00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:38,945 Meet Mr. Benedict. 187 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:45,076 The genuine article. And, you'd better believe it. 188 00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:50,206 Sometimes, he likes to bake while he's shooting people. 189 00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:59,840 What I'm saying is Mr. Benedict can take you out as easy as cake. 190 00:21:00,550 --> 00:21:03,552 Pie, you Sicilian schmuck. 191 00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:10,851 The man is a surgeon. 192 00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:19,110 You want me to make him operate on you? 193 00:21:20,737 --> 00:21:22,280 I swear, I don't know. 194 00:21:30,163 --> 00:21:34,709 Dump him at his place, huh? But take it easy. 195 00:21:37,754 --> 00:21:39,046 He bought it. 196 00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:43,718 He actually believes me and old man Torelli are banding together. 197 00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:52,852 Beauty part is, nobody knows different. Not till after the funeral. 198 00:21:53,437 --> 00:21:55,730 Then everybody knows. 199 00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:04,196 Everybody knows Tony Vivaldi 200 00:22:06,616 --> 00:22:08,784 is number one. 201 00:22:10,078 --> 00:22:13,998 You are going to pay. Oh, are you going to pay. 202 00:22:17,711 --> 00:22:21,422 Are you sure this is the right address? This don't look like no crack house to me. 203 00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:23,841 What do you want? Sixty guys dancing on the lawn, 204 00:22:23,925 --> 00:22:27,094 throwing cocaine at each other? Just kick the door in. 205 00:22:43,403 --> 00:22:44,570 What's up, guys? 206 00:22:44,654 --> 00:22:47,531 - Quiet. This is a drug bust. - A drug bust? 207 00:22:48,784 --> 00:22:52,828 You must be joking. My second cousin Frank lives in there. 208 00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:55,998 The only drugs you'll find in there are aspirin. 209 00:22:56,708 --> 00:22:59,960 And if you touch that front door, you're going to need them. 210 00:23:00,587 --> 00:23:04,048 Maybe there's been a mistake. We received an anonymous tip. 211 00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:15,851 Frank? Frank? Frank? 212 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,527 Frank? 213 00:23:26,988 --> 00:23:29,573 - Frank. - Jack... 214 00:23:31,701 --> 00:23:32,868 Jack, listen to me. 215 00:23:32,953 --> 00:23:36,497 - Who did this? - Listen to me. This is important. 216 00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:42,169 Tony Vivaldi and the Torelli mob 217 00:23:43,964 --> 00:23:45,673 are joining forces. 218 00:23:49,010 --> 00:23:50,803 I'm out of here. 219 00:23:51,388 --> 00:23:54,390 Frank. Frank! 220 00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:03,149 I'm sorry, Frank. 221 00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:28,507 It's a bomb! 222 00:24:37,893 --> 00:24:40,936 He's okay. Minor wound. Both cops dead. 223 00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:02,666 Two days to retirement. 224 00:26:17,242 --> 00:26:20,244 Nick? Hello? 225 00:26:25,166 --> 00:26:27,042 Nick! 226 00:26:44,185 --> 00:26:45,936 Who the hell are you? 227 00:26:46,021 --> 00:26:48,814 Don't shoot me. I'm Danny Madigan, I'm a kid. 228 00:27:00,035 --> 00:27:01,452 How did you get here? 229 00:27:01,536 --> 00:27:04,663 I'm not quite sure where "here" is, sir, but I don't think you want to know. 230 00:27:04,748 --> 00:27:07,750 Okay, close your eyes, stay flat and don't move. 231 00:27:28,063 --> 00:27:30,230 You're driving with no hands. 232 00:27:30,899 --> 00:27:32,941 You think it's easy? You have to practice a lot 233 00:27:33,026 --> 00:27:35,361 and never ever do it in heavy traffic. 234 00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:48,082 Iced that guy. To "cone" a phrase. 235 00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:55,964 Wait a minute. The bad puns, the voice, the hard rock. 236 00:27:56,716 --> 00:27:59,968 This is happening. This is really happening. 237 00:28:03,765 --> 00:28:07,518 This is not happening. Repeat, this is not hap... 238 00:29:16,629 --> 00:29:19,298 Oh, no! 239 00:29:37,442 --> 00:29:40,611 I booted. Sorry. I thought I was going to die. 240 00:29:41,196 --> 00:29:43,238 I'm sorry to disappoint you, 241 00:29:43,531 --> 00:29:47,659 but you're going to live to enjoy all the glorious fruits life has to offer, 242 00:29:47,744 --> 00:29:52,915 acne, shaving, premature ejaculation and your first divorce. 243 00:30:16,898 --> 00:30:19,399 Boy, does this suck weenie or what? 244 00:30:21,820 --> 00:30:23,529 This is a movie set. 245 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:28,909 This is a movie set. That's how the scenery changed, right? 246 00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:42,756 You're going to play chicken, aren't you? Just like Jack Slater. 247 00:30:49,097 --> 00:30:50,848 Fasten your seat belt, please. 248 00:30:53,017 --> 00:30:54,643 Your fingers? 249 00:30:55,603 --> 00:30:57,563 Cross as many as you can. 250 00:31:39,397 --> 00:31:44,610 I'm in the movie. Holy cow, I'm in the movie! 251 00:31:50,074 --> 00:31:53,201 Nick, Houdini wasn't faking. 252 00:32:24,692 --> 00:32:26,944 Jack, did you see that? 253 00:32:35,036 --> 00:32:39,039 I was just in a real police station and this is much nicer. 254 00:32:40,249 --> 00:32:43,043 Hey, Slater, it's your ex-wife on two. 255 00:32:45,380 --> 00:32:48,715 You stay. She's always calling me. 256 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:52,803 Hello, sweetheart, how are you? It's so nice to hear your voice. 257 00:32:52,887 --> 00:32:58,558 - Oiler, you're partnered up with Waterman. - Give me a partner, Sarge. 258 00:33:02,730 --> 00:33:04,231 That is right. 259 00:33:06,234 --> 00:33:11,196 Yep. Of course. No, just as you say. 260 00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:14,741 Yep. 261 00:33:14,826 --> 00:33:17,828 Krause, you're teamed up with the rabbi. 262 00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:29,756 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 263 00:33:30,383 --> 00:33:33,969 - How do you get to Carnegie Hall? - Practice! 264 00:33:34,262 --> 00:33:38,724 John Practice, you old SOB. What are you doing away from Washington? 265 00:33:39,267 --> 00:33:42,394 The bureau thinks something strange is going on between... 266 00:33:42,478 --> 00:33:43,520 And this is top secret... 267 00:33:43,604 --> 00:33:47,024 I know. The Vivaldi mob is joining forces with the Torellis. 268 00:33:47,108 --> 00:33:48,734 Damn it, Jack, how do you do that? 269 00:33:48,818 --> 00:33:52,404 Well, I'm not parked behind a desk all day eating those donuts. 270 00:33:52,947 --> 00:33:56,575 Those are government donuts, my friend. It's not easy work. I got to call DC. 271 00:33:57,577 --> 00:33:58,827 Good for you. 272 00:34:00,455 --> 00:34:04,082 Watch it, Jack. He killed Mozart. 273 00:34:05,126 --> 00:34:08,837 - In a movie? - Amadeus. It won eight Oscars. 274 00:34:08,921 --> 00:34:12,799 I saved his life in Nam. I'll make sure to be on the lookout. Thanks. 275 00:34:12,967 --> 00:34:15,302 Now, no more movies! 276 00:34:18,389 --> 00:34:20,807 Slater! 277 00:34:22,769 --> 00:34:26,688 I got the city council chewing my eggs off for that plane you crashed! 278 00:34:26,773 --> 00:34:29,399 I got the mayor scheduling parades, up my Lincoln tunnel 279 00:34:29,484 --> 00:34:30,984 for that stunt you pulled on the beach! 280 00:34:31,069 --> 00:34:33,945 Everybody wants to know, what it is, what it ain't and what it will be! 281 00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:38,075 - Do I make myself clear? - I'm just doing my job. 282 00:34:38,159 --> 00:34:41,703 You've given this department the worst reputation in the country. 283 00:34:41,788 --> 00:34:45,749 Now I've got the Chamber of Commerce doing cartwheels in my cocoa factory. 284 00:34:45,833 --> 00:34:49,086 Radcliff, you're pulling duty with the animated cat. 285 00:34:49,170 --> 00:34:51,671 Hiya, toots. 286 00:34:54,008 --> 00:34:58,386 - I'm getting a flea bath later. Join me? - You touch me again, fur ball... 287 00:34:58,471 --> 00:35:02,516 - Wait! I can prove this is a movie. - Who the hell are you, kid? 288 00:35:02,683 --> 00:35:05,268 Look out there, there's a cartoon cat. 289 00:35:06,187 --> 00:35:07,729 He's supposed to be back on duty. 290 00:35:07,814 --> 00:35:10,107 He was only suspended for a month. Now, shut up. 291 00:35:10,191 --> 00:35:12,192 Listen to what I'm saying. 292 00:35:12,401 --> 00:35:16,947 An animated cat just walked into the squad room. Hello. 293 00:35:17,031 --> 00:35:19,282 He'll do it again tomorrow. So what's your point? 294 00:35:19,367 --> 00:35:21,827 - That cat is one of the best men I got! - Yeah. 295 00:35:21,911 --> 00:35:24,996 Now who is this twerp? And why is that smile on his face? 296 00:35:25,081 --> 00:35:27,082 I just love the way you two fight, 297 00:35:27,166 --> 00:35:29,334 knowing how you really feel about each other. 298 00:35:29,418 --> 00:35:33,421 Pray tell, just how do I feel about this weird-looking sack of puppy poop? 299 00:35:33,506 --> 00:35:37,384 You're dearest friends. After your wife left you for the circus midget 300 00:35:37,468 --> 00:35:41,263 and Jack told everyone he drove her to New England to the diphtheria clinic. 301 00:35:41,347 --> 00:35:43,390 When he came back, you said, 302 00:35:44,100 --> 00:35:46,893 "You saved me from public humiliation, Jack. 303 00:35:46,978 --> 00:35:49,062 "You're my dearest friend." 304 00:35:50,273 --> 00:35:52,941 - And you promised me you wouldn't tell. - I didn't. 305 00:35:53,025 --> 00:35:55,944 - Then how did he know? - Jack Slater I. 306 00:35:56,028 --> 00:35:59,990 - What's winning got to do with this? - No! The very first Jack Slater. 307 00:36:00,283 --> 00:36:01,616 You told your dad? 308 00:36:01,701 --> 00:36:04,995 I didn't tell anyone. I don't even know this kid. 309 00:36:07,665 --> 00:36:10,250 Well, he seems to know a lot about us. 310 00:36:13,129 --> 00:36:14,880 No such number. No such name. 311 00:36:14,964 --> 00:36:17,090 The state of New York's never heard of you, Mr. Madigan. 312 00:36:17,175 --> 00:36:18,675 - What's your real name? - Danny Madigan. 313 00:36:18,759 --> 00:36:20,010 - Where are you really from? - 355... 314 00:36:20,094 --> 00:36:21,636 - How did you get in the car? - I... 315 00:36:24,515 --> 00:36:27,434 I fell off a walk over a bridge. Slipped into your car. 316 00:36:27,852 --> 00:36:29,269 He saved my life. 317 00:36:31,564 --> 00:36:34,482 Truth at last. Now, why were they after you? 318 00:36:35,151 --> 00:36:37,736 My second cousin Frank found out some crucial drug information. 319 00:36:37,820 --> 00:36:41,448 I wouldn't put too much faith into what Vivaldi told him. 320 00:36:44,410 --> 00:36:48,622 - How do you know Frank mentioned Vivaldi? - I know a lot about what's going on. 321 00:36:48,706 --> 00:36:49,706 Now if you will just listen to me... 322 00:36:49,790 --> 00:36:53,126 All right, son, I've got the perfect listener for you. 323 00:36:54,253 --> 00:36:57,589 - Meet your new partner. - Oh, no. 324 00:36:59,592 --> 00:37:00,717 Better to die. 325 00:37:01,219 --> 00:37:05,388 You're going to love it, Jack. I mean, we're perfect buddy-movie material. 326 00:37:05,473 --> 00:37:09,392 I'll teach you to be vulnerable, you'll teach me to be brave. 327 00:37:09,977 --> 00:37:12,562 Hi. I'm Jack Slater's new partner. 328 00:37:12,980 --> 00:37:16,775 Jack and I will be working together for the duration of the film. 329 00:37:18,361 --> 00:37:19,736 You know I'm right. 330 00:37:19,820 --> 00:37:23,823 If this was the real world, I mean, they wouldn't make me your partner. 331 00:37:23,908 --> 00:37:26,409 They'd assign me to a social worker. 332 00:37:26,577 --> 00:37:27,661 Here's one. 333 00:37:27,745 --> 00:37:31,623 Tell me how I know they tortured Frank and then stashed him behind his front door. 334 00:37:31,707 --> 00:37:35,377 Because I saw it all on screen, because this is a movie. 335 00:37:35,461 --> 00:37:38,755 You're very clever. And the only reason why I'm not roaring with laughter 336 00:37:38,839 --> 00:37:42,092 is because someone killed my favorite second cousin and that's a... 337 00:37:42,176 --> 00:37:45,595 Big mistake. That is what you were going to say, right? 338 00:37:46,806 --> 00:37:50,225 - Gee, how would I know that? - No one likes a smart-ass. 339 00:37:51,686 --> 00:37:53,895 Okay. Then shoot me. 340 00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:57,983 That's right. Take your gun, point it at my head and pull the trigger. 341 00:37:58,359 --> 00:38:01,611 Come on, do it. I double dare you. 342 00:38:03,406 --> 00:38:06,116 You're not going to do it, are you? And do you know why? 343 00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:08,576 Because people like you don't kill kids in movies. 344 00:38:08,661 --> 00:38:12,038 Because, believe it or not, Jack, you're the good guy. 345 00:38:12,790 --> 00:38:14,708 You really believe that we're inside a movie, don't you? 346 00:38:14,792 --> 00:38:16,751 - Yes! - All right. 347 00:38:16,836 --> 00:38:20,547 I'll give you 10 minutes to prove it and then I shoot you. 348 00:38:27,221 --> 00:38:28,305 Slater! 349 00:38:29,348 --> 00:38:32,475 - Quick, where are the Schwarzenegger films? - Foreign films are in the back. 350 00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:37,063 - No, action. This guy's an action star. - Down the center on the left. 351 00:38:46,574 --> 00:38:49,075 No. It isn't possible. 352 00:38:49,618 --> 00:38:53,830 What's not possible? He's fantastic. This is his best performance ever. 353 00:38:53,914 --> 00:38:59,169 - But that was you. You were in that movie. - You were in a movie? 354 00:39:00,338 --> 00:39:04,257 Yes. It was called The Girl ofMy Dreams. 355 00:39:04,592 --> 00:39:06,092 It starred you. 356 00:39:06,177 --> 00:39:09,846 As a matter of fact, we had this very romantic scene together. 357 00:39:11,265 --> 00:39:15,435 - What's the phone number of this store? - 555-2310. 358 00:39:15,811 --> 00:39:18,021 Okay. What's your home number? 359 00:39:18,814 --> 00:39:22,192 That's okay. You can give it to him. I'm a police officer. 360 00:39:22,276 --> 00:39:25,820 - 555-3812. - Amazing. 361 00:39:25,905 --> 00:39:29,157 I'm willing to bet that everyone has a 555 number. 362 00:39:29,241 --> 00:39:30,867 - So? - So... 363 00:39:30,951 --> 00:39:35,622 There can only be 9,999 numbers that start with 555. 364 00:39:35,998 --> 00:39:39,125 - How many people live in LA? - Eight or nine million. 365 00:39:41,504 --> 00:39:43,797 That's why we have area codes. 366 00:39:44,799 --> 00:39:47,967 - Is this your kid? - This? Oh, no. 367 00:39:48,052 --> 00:39:52,097 This is a mental patient and I'm going to take him downtown. Come on. 368 00:39:52,306 --> 00:39:54,724 Okay, I got one. What about this girl right here? 369 00:39:54,809 --> 00:39:58,144 She is way too attractive to be working at a video store. 370 00:39:58,229 --> 00:40:01,731 I agree with you. I think she should be working with us. 371 00:40:02,608 --> 00:40:04,234 Undercover, of course. 372 00:40:04,318 --> 00:40:08,405 Look, the point is there are no unattractive women here. 373 00:40:08,489 --> 00:40:11,908 I mean, where are the ordinary, every-day women? 374 00:40:12,827 --> 00:40:17,163 - They don't exist, because this is a movie. - No. This is California. 375 00:40:17,832 --> 00:40:19,332 And by the way, thanks. 376 00:40:19,417 --> 00:40:23,378 I think it was really slick, the way you got this girl's phone number. 377 00:40:23,546 --> 00:40:25,630 Okay, Mr. Non-believer. 378 00:40:26,298 --> 00:40:30,218 I'll take you to the house where your cousin Frank was tortured. 379 00:40:31,137 --> 00:40:33,096 I've seen it, on screen. 380 00:40:34,723 --> 00:40:38,560 It's kind of like that one, except it's got to be on the other side of the road 381 00:40:38,644 --> 00:40:40,895 'cause it's got an ocean view. 382 00:40:41,939 --> 00:40:44,941 Listen, there's something you don't understand. 383 00:40:47,278 --> 00:40:50,196 This ticket is magic, and it really works. 384 00:40:50,531 --> 00:40:53,783 Any second we're going to drive right into a theater. 385 00:40:57,204 --> 00:40:59,706 Maybe I need to warm it up first. 386 00:41:00,749 --> 00:41:04,294 Of course. My decoder ring has to warm up, too. All the time. 387 00:41:04,378 --> 00:41:06,713 Okay, okay. The house looked European. 388 00:41:06,797 --> 00:41:10,175 Like maybe you get a postcard from Italy or something. 389 00:41:10,342 --> 00:41:14,721 Like that one. In fact, just like that one. 390 00:41:15,389 --> 00:41:17,265 The bad guys are in there. 391 00:41:19,935 --> 00:41:23,396 You know something? I think you should be wearing this. 392 00:41:23,647 --> 00:41:26,608 - I don't think I've earned it yet. - You don't understand. 393 00:41:26,692 --> 00:41:28,651 You just solved the entire case. 394 00:41:28,736 --> 00:41:31,696 You just revolutionized the entire history of police training. 395 00:41:31,780 --> 00:41:35,033 I mean, all these years at the academy, studying human character, 396 00:41:35,117 --> 00:41:37,410 psyche of the terrorist, fingerprint analysis. 397 00:41:37,495 --> 00:41:39,746 All the courses that I've taken in surveillance, 398 00:41:39,830 --> 00:41:42,665 hostage negotiation and criminal psychology... 399 00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:45,627 When all I had to do is just drive around the neighborhood 400 00:41:45,711 --> 00:41:47,295 and point my finger at the house and say, 401 00:41:47,379 --> 00:41:49,589 "The bad guys are in there." 402 00:41:50,966 --> 00:41:53,635 - You think you're funny, don't you? - I know I am. 403 00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:56,346 I'm the famous comedian, Arnold Braunschweiger. 404 00:41:56,430 --> 00:41:58,681 - Schwarzenegger. - Gesundheit. 405 00:42:14,865 --> 00:42:16,032 May I help you? 406 00:42:16,116 --> 00:42:19,327 Yes. Could I speak to the drug dealer of the house please? 407 00:42:19,411 --> 00:42:20,870 I beg your pardon? 408 00:42:20,955 --> 00:42:24,457 It's a beautiful day and we're out killing drug dealers. 409 00:42:24,708 --> 00:42:26,834 Are there any in the house? 410 00:42:31,298 --> 00:42:32,799 Be ready for anything. 411 00:42:36,470 --> 00:42:39,931 - Wait. Where are you going? - I'll be back. 412 00:42:40,349 --> 00:42:43,059 You didn't know I was going to say that, did you? 413 00:42:43,143 --> 00:42:46,187 - That's what you always say. - I do? 414 00:42:47,731 --> 00:42:49,732 Everybody keeps waiting for you to work it in. 415 00:42:49,817 --> 00:42:52,360 It's kind of like your calling card. 416 00:42:54,863 --> 00:42:57,407 I understand you're interested in drug dealers. 417 00:42:57,491 --> 00:42:58,616 Yes. 418 00:42:58,701 --> 00:43:01,953 Jack, that's him, the henchman with the glass eye. 419 00:43:02,663 --> 00:43:05,206 Sir, are you a henchman? 420 00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:10,378 No. I only go as far as lackey. Will there be anything else? 421 00:43:10,462 --> 00:43:12,672 Yeah. Take off your sunglasses. 422 00:43:13,007 --> 00:43:16,009 - Who's asking? - The tin man. 423 00:43:17,970 --> 00:43:22,348 - Well, tin man, suppose you hit the bricks. - No. They're the wrong color. 424 00:43:22,433 --> 00:43:27,312 Are they? Oh, dear. By all means, let's change them. Would arterial red suit you? 425 00:43:33,902 --> 00:43:37,030 Make no mistake. They are exceptionally well-trained. 426 00:43:41,619 --> 00:43:44,704 I snap my fingers again, and some time tomorrow 427 00:43:44,788 --> 00:43:47,540 you emerge from several canine recta. 428 00:43:48,542 --> 00:43:51,544 Or you and Toto can go back to the land of Oz. 429 00:43:51,629 --> 00:43:53,463 - Questions? - Yeah. 430 00:43:55,090 --> 00:43:56,424 Two of them. 431 00:43:57,301 --> 00:44:00,553 Why am I wasting time on a dime store putz like you 432 00:44:01,055 --> 00:44:03,890 when I could be doing something much more dangerous? 433 00:44:04,099 --> 00:44:06,476 Like rearranging my sock drawers. 434 00:44:06,727 --> 00:44:10,563 And two, how exactly are you going to snap your fingers 435 00:44:10,648 --> 00:44:13,024 after I rip off both of your thumbs? 436 00:44:20,324 --> 00:44:21,908 Have a nice day. 437 00:44:28,582 --> 00:44:32,251 He had one with a bull's-eye when he was with your second cousin. 438 00:44:32,336 --> 00:44:35,588 He hates his boss. He calls him a Sicilian schmuck. 439 00:44:50,938 --> 00:44:54,524 How did Slater find out? Will you tell me? 440 00:44:55,651 --> 00:45:00,988 I want him to join me, but he's nuts. He keeps going after the bad guys. 441 00:45:01,073 --> 00:45:04,117 Where is it written I'm a bad guy? 442 00:45:04,868 --> 00:45:07,078 Find out who talked and have him killed. 443 00:45:07,162 --> 00:45:09,247 Then, Slater. 444 00:45:11,291 --> 00:45:13,543 Hey. Hey! 445 00:45:13,627 --> 00:45:15,169 What's with you? 446 00:45:15,671 --> 00:45:18,089 We should change the funeral arrangements. 447 00:45:18,173 --> 00:45:22,218 Are you crazy? When I say bloodbath, there is 448 00:45:22,761 --> 00:45:24,554 - a bloodbath. - A bloodbath. 449 00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:30,518 I'm going to find out more about Slater's short friend. 450 00:45:31,645 --> 00:45:33,229 Come on, Jack. 451 00:45:33,313 --> 00:45:36,065 That guy has got to be guilty of something. 452 00:45:36,150 --> 00:45:39,068 Yeah. He's guilty of acting like an asshole. 453 00:45:39,445 --> 00:45:42,196 If I arrest him, I have to arrest half of Congress. 454 00:45:42,281 --> 00:45:43,823 Why did we park back there? 455 00:45:43,907 --> 00:45:45,491 In case my ex-wife is around. 456 00:45:45,576 --> 00:45:49,245 Don't worry, she's not. Her name wasn't in the credits. 457 00:45:49,329 --> 00:45:52,999 Kid, who does the doctor treat? 458 00:45:53,333 --> 00:45:54,500 Patients. 459 00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:57,086 Look at the elbow of my jacket. What is it doing? 460 00:45:57,171 --> 00:45:59,505 - Wearing thin? - Bingo. 461 00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:03,718 Geez, that was a stretch. 462 00:46:05,012 --> 00:46:08,181 Wow! Is this what you drive on the weekends? 463 00:46:08,599 --> 00:46:10,600 No, this is my little girl's car. 464 00:46:10,684 --> 00:46:12,560 Come on. Knock on the door. 465 00:46:13,437 --> 00:46:15,730 I told you, your ex-wife's not home. 466 00:46:16,273 --> 00:46:18,524 Her name wasn't in the credits. 467 00:46:24,114 --> 00:46:25,281 Meredith? 468 00:46:25,365 --> 00:46:27,158 I hope you mean Whitney. 469 00:46:27,701 --> 00:46:29,118 Sorry. Whitney. 470 00:46:29,203 --> 00:46:31,412 You're not Skeezy, are you? 471 00:46:34,458 --> 00:46:36,959 Daddy! Oh, my God. 472 00:46:38,212 --> 00:46:41,005 - Daddy! - You've gained some weight. 473 00:46:41,590 --> 00:46:46,719 Hi. I'm Danny Madigan and I realize I haven't had that long of a life, 474 00:46:47,429 --> 00:46:51,808 but I just want you to know that from now on, it's all going to be downhill. 475 00:46:51,892 --> 00:46:54,811 - Hello, sweetheart, you look wonderful. - Thank you. 476 00:46:54,895 --> 00:46:58,648 So, who's your friend? He's cute. 477 00:46:58,732 --> 00:47:02,485 No, he's not cute, he's hopelessly insane. 478 00:47:02,569 --> 00:47:05,404 Very soon he's gonna tell you he loved you in Gone with the Wind. 479 00:47:05,489 --> 00:47:08,825 - This is her first movie. - You see? 480 00:47:08,909 --> 00:47:12,203 - Now who is Skeezy? - It's just a sorority thing, Dad. What they do 481 00:47:12,287 --> 00:47:15,832 is they assign you a freshman, and when he comes to the door, you kiss him. 482 00:47:15,916 --> 00:47:19,335 - Do you have to kiss him? - Dad, would you come on? 483 00:47:19,419 --> 00:47:23,005 Okay, would you grab the phone and if it's for me, I'll be out of the shower 484 00:47:23,090 --> 00:47:25,424 in less than one hour for sure. 485 00:47:26,927 --> 00:47:29,095 What a cutie. 486 00:47:30,681 --> 00:47:35,351 It's old evidence. Counterfeit case. Looks real, doesn't it? 487 00:47:35,435 --> 00:47:37,854 Turns funny colors when you burn it. 488 00:47:37,938 --> 00:47:40,231 Try using it for alimony. 489 00:47:48,991 --> 00:47:50,575 What's wrong? 490 00:47:56,290 --> 00:47:59,041 You don't happen to have a cigar, do you? 491 00:48:04,506 --> 00:48:06,674 "I'll be back." I know, I know. 492 00:48:26,862 --> 00:48:29,572 Dad! Dad! 493 00:49:03,774 --> 00:49:06,275 He would have been your age. 494 00:49:08,362 --> 00:49:09,695 I know. 495 00:49:11,490 --> 00:49:15,576 The Ripper killed him three years ago. Pulled him down off the roof. 496 00:49:16,995 --> 00:49:18,871 Your dad saw everything. 497 00:49:18,956 --> 00:49:20,957 How did you know all that? 498 00:49:24,044 --> 00:49:28,130 Your pop gets in the papers a lot. I'm interested in crime stories. 499 00:49:29,091 --> 00:49:32,551 - That's Skeezy. - I'll get rid of him. 500 00:49:41,228 --> 00:49:42,603 Hello, Toto. 501 00:49:47,985 --> 00:49:51,487 There, there, and there. 502 00:49:51,571 --> 00:49:55,741 No! Let go of me! Let go of me! 503 00:49:58,161 --> 00:50:01,038 - Stop it! - Evening. Uncle Jack around? 504 00:50:01,123 --> 00:50:03,916 Mr. Slater's off tracking a lead somewhere. 505 00:50:06,336 --> 00:50:08,963 Joey, would you teach her the virtue of silence? 506 00:50:09,047 --> 00:50:11,590 - Right. - Benedict. 507 00:50:11,675 --> 00:50:15,803 - If you harm a hair on her head... - Stop! 508 00:50:25,981 --> 00:50:30,443 Go away! Stop it! No! 509 00:50:32,654 --> 00:50:34,405 You were saying? 510 00:50:38,285 --> 00:50:44,832 Now, I believe it was Sherlock Holmes who said 511 00:50:45,834 --> 00:50:48,753 that if you eliminate all the logical solutions to a problem, 512 00:50:48,837 --> 00:50:52,506 the illogical, however impossible, is invariably true. 513 00:50:53,508 --> 00:50:57,428 You see, I know that your name is Daniel Madigan. 514 00:50:57,512 --> 00:51:00,556 What I don't understand is how you know mine. 515 00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:07,646 Slater showed me some mug shots. We made your face easy. 516 00:51:09,691 --> 00:51:12,401 Daniel Madigan from New York City. 517 00:51:12,486 --> 00:51:16,947 Awfully long way away from home, aren't you? When did you get here? 518 00:51:17,032 --> 00:51:18,074 Just. 519 00:51:18,158 --> 00:51:20,910 And how do you know what I said on Vivaldi's terrace? 520 00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:24,121 I heard a recording. 521 00:51:24,206 --> 00:51:26,665 Microphones in the statues, are there? 522 00:51:27,209 --> 00:51:29,877 You wouldn't believe how many. 523 00:51:29,961 --> 00:51:32,963 And the eye I was wearing? 524 00:51:34,299 --> 00:51:36,801 I saw it. I saw it in a movie. 525 00:51:37,761 --> 00:51:39,553 There are micro cameras in the statues. 526 00:51:39,638 --> 00:51:45,476 I should tell you that I have killed people smarter and younger than you. 527 00:51:53,610 --> 00:51:57,738 Look, whatever this is, it's between you and Slater. 528 00:51:57,823 --> 00:52:02,243 There's some money in the desk. Take it and leave me and Meredith... 529 00:52:02,327 --> 00:52:03,911 Whitney alone. 530 00:52:08,792 --> 00:52:10,918 Holy shit, boss. 531 00:52:11,002 --> 00:52:12,753 It looks like 2K in here. 532 00:52:12,838 --> 00:52:15,131 Just a minute. 533 00:52:15,215 --> 00:52:16,757 Give it to me. 534 00:52:22,848 --> 00:52:25,057 These bills are marked, aren't they? 535 00:52:25,767 --> 00:52:30,563 You were trying to sucker me with marked bills, weren't you? 536 00:52:32,399 --> 00:52:33,691 Burn it. 537 00:52:35,152 --> 00:52:37,736 - Burn it? - Yes, burn it. 538 00:52:38,613 --> 00:52:42,616 Don't play games with grownups, little boy. You'll get hurt. 539 00:53:02,929 --> 00:53:05,181 Stop it! Stop it! Oh, God. 540 00:53:05,265 --> 00:53:06,932 Big mistake. 541 00:53:24,951 --> 00:53:26,869 It's great, isn't it? 542 00:53:26,953 --> 00:53:30,414 Now, we'll hurt you just a little bit, but you'll... 543 00:53:30,498 --> 00:53:31,874 Freeze! 544 00:53:31,958 --> 00:53:35,836 Lose the guns or I redecorate in brain-matter gray, got it? 545 00:53:35,921 --> 00:53:37,463 Yes! 546 00:53:39,382 --> 00:53:42,009 You kill me and I'll kill him. 547 00:53:48,934 --> 00:53:51,143 Leave it. Get the door. 548 00:54:01,029 --> 00:54:02,112 Boss? 549 00:54:04,366 --> 00:54:05,574 Hi. 550 00:54:42,237 --> 00:54:44,071 Don't give up your day job. 551 00:55:17,188 --> 00:55:19,023 Jack! 552 00:55:24,446 --> 00:55:26,488 Don't leave home without it. 553 00:55:27,282 --> 00:55:28,282 Go! 554 00:55:35,915 --> 00:55:37,458 Where are you going? 555 00:55:39,294 --> 00:55:41,295 Got to catch the red-eye. 556 00:55:51,222 --> 00:55:53,932 I don't believe this. I'm in the movie, and... 557 00:55:56,061 --> 00:55:58,520 I'm in the movie, and I'm missing the best action! 558 00:56:01,983 --> 00:56:04,568 Punch it. Let's get the hell out of here. 559 00:56:20,919 --> 00:56:22,711 Go back up to the top! 560 00:56:29,677 --> 00:56:32,137 Next time, we get thicker armor. 561 00:56:33,431 --> 00:56:34,723 Like a tank. 562 00:56:54,994 --> 00:56:56,495 Chicken, it is. 563 00:57:06,756 --> 00:57:11,552 This is gonna work. It's a movie. I'm a good guy. This has got to work! 564 00:57:15,890 --> 00:57:17,724 I'm a comedy sidekick. 565 00:57:18,226 --> 00:57:21,520 Oh, shit! I'm a comedy sidekick! 566 00:57:21,604 --> 00:57:25,023 It's not gonna work! 567 00:57:51,259 --> 00:57:54,761 Well, I think I scared him pretty good. 568 00:57:54,846 --> 00:57:57,055 You did great. Come on. 569 00:57:58,725 --> 00:58:02,186 - Benedict's got the ticket. - That's too bad. 570 00:58:02,270 --> 00:58:04,480 I wanted it for my collection. 571 00:58:26,753 --> 00:58:29,671 I told you, Blanche isn't here. She won't be back for two hours. 572 00:58:29,756 --> 00:58:32,257 I know. I'm gonna wait for her. 573 00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:37,721 It is a shame. It's so romantic. 574 00:58:38,473 --> 00:58:42,893 Well, I'll never get any work done if I stay here and think about that. 575 00:58:42,977 --> 00:58:45,103 I'll run with Jane to the store. 576 00:58:46,981 --> 00:58:50,150 What a shame. Two tickets to Hawaii. 577 00:58:50,235 --> 00:58:55,197 Oh, I've gotta get her a husband. Maybe Blanche can help out. 578 00:59:00,954 --> 00:59:04,206 We'll be right back after this commercial announcement. 579 00:59:04,290 --> 00:59:06,250 You know, if you're looking for a new or used car, see me first. 580 00:59:06,334 --> 00:59:08,544 Give me first crack at the deal. I'll beat anybody else's deal. 581 00:59:08,628 --> 00:59:11,046 I'd gargle anti-freeze to beat anybody else's deal. 582 00:59:11,130 --> 00:59:12,548 So see me first, give me first shot. 583 00:59:12,632 --> 00:59:15,717 Now here's a nice car. Seventy-three, this is a Landau, 584 00:59:15,802 --> 00:59:18,554 top power steering, power brakes, air conditioning. $999. 585 00:59:18,638 --> 00:59:23,559 If you're looking for trucks, we got trucks. We got all kinds of trucks. '79 pickup, $2,999. 586 00:59:23,643 --> 00:59:27,854 Here's another one. This is a Long Bed. This is $3,999. Can't beat that. 587 00:59:28,022 --> 00:59:29,398 Give me first shot... 588 00:59:43,663 --> 00:59:45,998 You're traveling through another dimension. 589 00:59:46,165 --> 00:59:49,876 My name is Skeezy. S-K-E-E-Z-Y, sir. 590 00:59:50,461 --> 00:59:53,005 S-K-E...No I-E. Thank you. 591 01:00:38,176 --> 01:00:39,593 Say this. 592 01:00:43,973 --> 01:00:46,141 Hey, grow up. 593 01:00:46,809 --> 01:00:48,393 Just say this one word. 594 01:00:49,771 --> 01:00:52,481 Is this another one of your movie proofs? 595 01:00:52,565 --> 01:00:54,107 Maybe. 596 01:00:55,151 --> 01:00:57,736 Kid, I don't want to say it. 597 01:00:58,404 --> 01:00:59,780 Say what? 598 01:01:00,657 --> 01:01:03,742 You can't. You can't possibly say it 599 01:01:03,826 --> 01:01:07,579 because this movie is PG-13. Admit it. 600 01:01:07,664 --> 01:01:09,122 Officer Slater, 601 01:01:09,207 --> 01:01:12,209 the guy with the missing eye, I saw his license plate. 602 01:01:12,293 --> 01:01:14,044 Well, good for you. 603 01:01:17,423 --> 01:01:20,175 - You mean the guy with the glass eye? - No. 604 01:01:20,259 --> 01:01:23,762 When he was running for the car, it was missing. 605 01:01:24,764 --> 01:01:26,765 It's got words. 606 01:01:29,310 --> 01:01:31,687 "Vengeance is..." 607 01:01:33,773 --> 01:01:34,815 Don't touch! 608 01:01:40,154 --> 01:01:41,154 You flipped up on all of it! 609 01:01:41,239 --> 01:01:42,489 God damn it, that's all I can take from you! 610 01:01:42,573 --> 01:01:44,241 I got the California Raisin Counsel doing 611 01:01:44,325 --> 01:01:45,784 an all-male version of The Diary of Anne Frank, 612 01:01:45,868 --> 01:01:47,369 doing an all-male version in my fuzzy slipper! 613 01:01:47,453 --> 01:01:49,037 Tiny Tim is tiptoeing through the tulips! 614 01:01:49,122 --> 01:01:51,164 - Did you catch that? - You ball-peen jack-a-menace. 615 01:01:51,249 --> 01:01:54,209 I slurped about all the cock-sucking toast I can take from you! 616 01:01:54,293 --> 01:01:55,877 You know you... 617 01:01:59,132 --> 01:02:01,133 I think some of it's English. 618 01:02:01,426 --> 01:02:03,844 Well, see if this is clear enough! 619 01:02:03,970 --> 01:02:05,303 Give me your badge! 620 01:02:05,388 --> 01:02:07,723 And this time, you won't get it back. 621 01:02:17,108 --> 01:02:20,152 Wohlschlager, you're partnered up with the black-and-white digitalization 622 01:02:20,236 --> 01:02:22,696 of Humphrey Bogart. 623 01:02:34,292 --> 01:02:36,835 What, are you making some changes? 624 01:02:37,628 --> 01:02:40,672 Come on, why don't you come and work the funeral with me, anyway? 625 01:02:40,757 --> 01:02:44,551 I mean, I don't know, I wouldn't miss this one. I hear Torelli spent a bundle. 626 01:02:44,635 --> 01:02:48,263 He's got a damn helicopter circling the building. 627 01:02:48,347 --> 01:02:52,100 A rooftop funeral service in Long Beach. How's that for taste? 628 01:02:52,185 --> 01:02:53,477 Who died? 629 01:02:53,978 --> 01:02:55,896 Leo the Fart was shot yesterday. 630 01:02:56,814 --> 01:02:59,191 Somebody was trying for Torelli and missed. 631 01:02:59,275 --> 01:03:01,401 Leo was tough. 632 01:03:01,486 --> 01:03:04,279 He could do everything but sneak up on you. 633 01:03:04,781 --> 01:03:08,742 Look, look, if you change your mind, I'll be in front of the hotel. 634 01:03:27,762 --> 01:03:31,306 - Where are we, anyway? - Home. 635 01:03:46,239 --> 01:03:48,698 Geez! How did you know there was a guy in there? 636 01:03:48,783 --> 01:03:50,992 There's always a guy in there. 637 01:03:51,077 --> 01:03:53,453 Costs me a fortune in closet doors. 638 01:03:53,538 --> 01:03:57,499 Right. Like in Slater, Part Il: The Sagittarius Strangler. 639 01:03:57,583 --> 01:04:01,294 Yeah, in a few seconds, you're gonna meet the Madigan strangler. 640 01:04:01,379 --> 01:04:02,879 I just got fired. 641 01:04:02,964 --> 01:04:06,091 What you find so entertaining happens to be my life. 642 01:04:06,175 --> 01:04:08,426 Now I'm not even a cop anymore. 643 01:04:09,428 --> 01:04:11,012 You'll get your badge back. 644 01:04:11,097 --> 01:04:15,141 He was just pulling rank because you destroyed more of the city than usual. 645 01:04:15,226 --> 01:04:18,353 Jack, you're not just my hero, you're everybody's hero. 646 01:04:18,437 --> 01:04:21,773 And it will all be okay again. Trust me. 647 01:04:22,483 --> 01:04:24,985 No, Danny. It's getting harder. 648 01:04:26,279 --> 01:04:29,698 I never started out to be anything but a decent cop, 649 01:04:29,782 --> 01:04:33,034 but I kept getting involved in these crazy adventures. 650 01:04:34,120 --> 01:04:38,331 But the craziest part is, I kept surviving. 651 01:04:38,416 --> 01:04:41,626 Jack, these are the sequels. They gotta get harder. 652 01:04:44,672 --> 01:04:46,339 But look on the good side. 653 01:04:46,424 --> 01:04:48,842 I mean, you've got a great daughter. 654 01:04:48,926 --> 01:04:50,802 And your ex-wife wouldn't keep calling if 655 01:04:50,887 --> 01:04:52,679 somewhere deep down she didn't want you back. 656 01:04:52,763 --> 01:04:55,181 Danny, do you think I would marry someone so stupid 657 01:04:55,266 --> 01:04:58,226 that doesn't know the real voice from a taped one? 658 01:04:58,311 --> 01:05:01,396 I pay a cashier at the drugstore to call me every so often at the station 659 01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:04,149 so the guys think I have a private life. 660 01:05:05,651 --> 01:05:08,194 My ex-wife, she's happily remarried. 661 01:05:08,529 --> 01:05:10,155 She never calls. 662 01:05:11,198 --> 01:05:12,616 And Whitney. 663 01:05:13,701 --> 01:05:16,411 Why can she not be like every other teenager? 664 01:05:16,495 --> 01:05:20,040 On prom night, she stays home and field strips an AK-47. 665 01:05:21,417 --> 01:05:24,336 She's going to die a young maid. I know it. 666 01:05:26,172 --> 01:05:28,381 I'm going to buy it soon, too. 667 01:05:28,466 --> 01:05:31,509 No way. You can't die till the grosses go down. 668 01:05:34,555 --> 01:05:36,222 That guy Vivaldi, 669 01:05:36,307 --> 01:05:38,725 I heard him say something was going to happen at a funeral. 670 01:05:38,851 --> 01:05:42,145 Now this Leo the Fart is going to have one. Maybe we should look into that. 671 01:05:42,313 --> 01:05:44,189 Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say. 672 01:05:44,273 --> 01:05:48,151 Jack, it's a funeral for a guy named Fart. Hello? 673 01:05:49,070 --> 01:05:50,236 Funeral? 674 01:05:50,321 --> 01:05:54,115 Check this out. Someone tried to kill old man Torelli, right? 675 01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:56,826 Missed and shot Leo the Fart by mistake. 676 01:05:56,911 --> 01:05:58,453 - Right. - Wrong. 677 01:05:58,704 --> 01:06:02,207 Who took the shot? Was it Benedict? Most likely. 678 01:06:02,833 --> 01:06:06,711 Would he miss? No way. Unless he wanted to miss. 679 01:06:07,046 --> 01:06:10,423 You're saying he meant to miss? Why? 680 01:06:10,716 --> 01:06:14,386 Because, amigo, Leo the Fart was very, very fat. 681 01:06:15,179 --> 01:06:17,263 - Get it? - No, I don't. 682 01:06:17,556 --> 01:06:20,433 They broke in last night. They cut Leo open like a turkey, 683 01:06:20,518 --> 01:06:23,853 stuffed him with TNT, he goes off at the funeral 684 01:06:23,938 --> 01:06:26,982 and takes out the entire Torelli mob, all at once. 685 01:06:27,149 --> 01:06:30,568 Vivaldi owns the town. That's what all this has been about. 686 01:06:30,653 --> 01:06:33,029 Vivaldi's going to blow up that funeral. 687 01:06:33,114 --> 01:06:35,699 No. No. It wouldn't just be a bomb. 688 01:06:35,783 --> 01:06:38,827 I mean, we've already had a dozen explosions in this movie. 689 01:06:38,911 --> 01:06:41,246 Danny, don't start that again. 690 01:06:42,581 --> 01:06:44,833 - Nerve gas! - What are you talking about? 691 01:06:44,917 --> 01:06:49,212 Three canisters of nerve gas were stolen from military trucks the night before last. 692 01:06:49,296 --> 01:06:53,258 They could have stuffed those inside him. And you know what that means, don't you? 693 01:06:54,927 --> 01:06:58,096 Leo the Fart is going to pass gas one more time. 694 01:07:12,862 --> 01:07:16,364 Mr. Torelli, I hope it's all right with you I am here. 695 01:07:16,449 --> 01:07:19,826 - I don't want to be no fourth wheel. - Nonsense, Antonio... 696 01:07:21,370 --> 01:07:22,787 Fifth wheel. 697 01:07:22,955 --> 01:07:25,123 That's nice. Thank you, thank you. 698 01:07:25,207 --> 01:07:27,375 Did you hear that, Benedict? 699 01:07:27,501 --> 01:07:28,752 Family. 700 01:07:29,378 --> 01:07:31,463 Go pay your respects, huh? 701 01:08:06,207 --> 01:08:09,292 - Stay in the car. - No way. I'm coming with you. 702 01:08:09,376 --> 01:08:11,711 Kid, let's say this is a movie. 703 01:08:11,796 --> 01:08:15,006 How many times have you heard someone say, "Stay in the car" and the guy doesn't? 704 01:08:15,091 --> 01:08:16,633 What happens? 705 01:08:17,009 --> 01:08:19,385 - He saves the day. - Or gets killed. 706 01:08:19,470 --> 01:08:21,846 Good point. I'll stay in the car. 707 01:08:22,098 --> 01:08:26,184 Wait a minute! What if staying in the car is what gets me killed? 708 01:08:26,685 --> 01:08:29,395 There's a gun in the glove compartment. 709 01:08:35,069 --> 01:08:37,237 - Practice! - Makes perfect. 710 01:08:39,490 --> 01:08:42,408 - You decided to join me, huh? - The Fart is a bomb. 711 01:08:42,493 --> 01:08:44,828 They're going to take out the whole Torelli mob. We've got to stop it. 712 01:08:44,912 --> 01:08:47,789 That explains the break-in at the mortuary. Geez, that's brilliant. 713 01:08:47,873 --> 01:08:50,917 Come on. We'll use the service entrance in back. 714 01:08:55,673 --> 01:08:59,217 - Who are you working for, John? - What do you mean? 715 01:08:59,385 --> 01:09:02,679 We both know there's no side entrance to this hotel. 716 01:09:06,851 --> 01:09:10,520 Sorry, Jack. I didn't want it to go down this way. 717 01:09:14,233 --> 01:09:16,568 Danny told me not to trust you. 718 01:09:16,986 --> 01:09:19,154 He said you killed Moe Zart. 719 01:09:19,738 --> 01:09:22,157 - Moe, who? - Zart. 720 01:09:24,326 --> 01:09:26,953 I kill a lot of people. I can't remember half of them. 721 01:09:27,037 --> 01:09:29,414 How do you get to Carnegie Hall? 722 01:09:31,125 --> 01:09:33,793 In a body bag, if you don't drop that. 723 01:09:35,004 --> 01:09:36,838 That's doubtful, kid. 724 01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:40,133 Real doubtful. 725 01:09:43,596 --> 01:09:46,097 Thanks for the fingerprints, kid. 726 01:09:46,265 --> 01:09:48,600 You're about to murder Jack Slater. 727 01:09:48,976 --> 01:09:51,436 Here. Chain yourself to that pipe. 728 01:09:53,189 --> 01:09:57,025 See, Jack, these drug guys, they got more money than the U.S. Government. 729 01:09:57,109 --> 01:10:00,570 So you cut a deal with a Sicilian scumbag like Vivaldi. 730 01:10:00,821 --> 01:10:02,405 Right you are. 731 01:10:02,865 --> 01:10:06,659 You see, Vivaldi made up with Torelli, but it was a phony. 732 01:10:06,744 --> 01:10:08,453 He's going to destroy him. 733 01:10:08,537 --> 01:10:12,999 So, in exchange for letting him alone, he gives me a profit percentage. 734 01:10:13,626 --> 01:10:15,376 I'll be rich, Jack. 735 01:10:15,753 --> 01:10:18,046 - You'll be dead, but... - Freeze! 736 01:10:18,964 --> 01:10:20,632 Toss me the cuffs. 737 01:10:21,800 --> 01:10:25,386 Man, are you an idiot! You made the classic movie mistake. 738 01:10:25,471 --> 01:10:29,557 Don't explain so much. You had to get in those last few words. 739 01:10:29,683 --> 01:10:32,936 I mean, if you had just fired, you would have won. 740 01:10:33,145 --> 01:10:36,147 But, no, you're the typical villain. Dumb. 741 01:10:37,524 --> 01:10:39,984 You ain't no genius yourself, kid. 742 01:10:41,237 --> 01:10:44,489 - The Fart goes off in seven minutes. - Get my car. 743 01:10:46,992 --> 01:10:48,284 Move it. 744 01:10:50,996 --> 01:10:54,999 Well, I'd love to stay and watch the fun, 745 01:10:55,084 --> 01:10:59,837 but I have to go and establish my alibi. 746 01:11:05,177 --> 01:11:07,220 So, is this the day you were talking about saving? 747 01:11:07,304 --> 01:11:11,015 - I don't see you doing anything. - I wouldn't want to steal your thunder. 748 01:11:12,101 --> 01:11:13,393 No, no, no. 749 01:11:13,477 --> 01:11:17,146 You stay here and make sure everything goes on as planned. 750 01:11:17,898 --> 01:11:23,027 You had Slater in front of the eight ball before, but you always screwed it up. 751 01:11:24,238 --> 01:11:26,030 All right. Let's go. 752 01:11:28,867 --> 01:11:31,953 It's behind the eight ball, you moron. 753 01:11:33,038 --> 01:11:36,916 Somebody once told me I talk too much. No more words. 754 01:11:41,213 --> 01:11:43,673 Whiskers! Where the hell have you been? 755 01:11:43,757 --> 01:11:46,009 Sorry, Jack. Fur ball problem. 756 01:11:47,094 --> 01:11:51,472 Seal off the area. There's a possible chemical explosion in five minutes. 757 01:11:51,557 --> 01:11:56,394 - Thanks, Whiskers. I owe you one. - Forget it. You saved my fur plenty of times. 758 01:12:00,316 --> 01:12:02,108 You see the hook of that crane? 759 01:12:02,192 --> 01:12:05,570 I want it on top of the roof in two minutes. Go. 760 01:12:05,779 --> 01:12:08,281 Wait. How do I get them to do that? 761 01:12:34,308 --> 01:12:37,643 You got to help me move that crane! You got to help me! 762 01:12:37,728 --> 01:12:40,521 - I got to get that crane to the roof. - Shit. 763 01:12:40,606 --> 01:12:43,608 Hey, wait a minute! You got to work this thing! 764 01:12:53,410 --> 01:12:55,703 I don't even know how to drive. 765 01:13:27,486 --> 01:13:30,988 - Pardon me. Excuse me. - Hey! 766 01:13:36,995 --> 01:13:38,329 Pardon me. 767 01:13:41,667 --> 01:13:44,544 He was a good man. A flatulent man. 768 01:13:49,007 --> 01:13:50,633 Do you hear this? 769 01:13:51,176 --> 01:13:53,636 Help me. Get me out of here. 770 01:13:54,304 --> 01:13:57,140 My God! This man's not dead! 771 01:14:05,941 --> 01:14:09,861 Get out of the way! This man needs a doctor! Out of my way. 772 01:14:09,945 --> 01:14:12,697 - This man needs a doctor! - I'm a doctor. 773 01:14:13,073 --> 01:14:14,949 - You're a doctor? - Yes. 774 01:14:15,534 --> 01:14:17,076 Check his chin. 775 01:14:19,037 --> 01:14:21,747 The doctor has fainted. Can somebody help this man here? 776 01:14:21,832 --> 01:14:24,375 I'll take the corpse... I mean, the patient. 777 01:14:24,877 --> 01:14:26,586 Look, an elephant. 778 01:14:34,136 --> 01:14:36,596 Hold it! Don't shoot! He'll drop Leo! 779 01:15:00,329 --> 01:15:01,787 Don't shoot! 780 01:16:11,316 --> 01:16:12,650 Oh, shit! 781 01:16:17,990 --> 01:16:19,323 Watch out! 782 01:17:00,198 --> 01:17:04,827 It's a no-fly zone, fella. Shit! 783 01:17:49,915 --> 01:17:55,044 Danny! He's ticking! Move the crane as fast as you can! 784 01:18:18,151 --> 01:18:22,029 Danny! Stop the crane now! Stop it! 785 01:18:23,323 --> 01:18:26,867 Drop! Go! Go! Go! Go! Damn you! Go! 786 01:18:26,952 --> 01:18:30,413 Gas bag, drop! Damn you! Drop! 787 01:18:31,456 --> 01:18:34,625 Drop! Gas bag, drop! 788 01:18:55,605 --> 01:18:58,566 Get out of here! Everybody out! 789 01:19:38,690 --> 01:19:40,399 Silent, but deadly. 790 01:19:44,696 --> 01:19:46,489 Bring the car around. 791 01:19:46,698 --> 01:19:49,241 Can't. The helicopter landed on it. 792 01:19:50,619 --> 01:19:52,661 I hate when that happens. 793 01:19:52,829 --> 01:19:55,790 You know, tar actually sticks to some people. 794 01:20:06,301 --> 01:20:10,596 Hey, Dad! I heard you were here. I thought you could use some clothes. 795 01:20:10,764 --> 01:20:13,224 - Thanks, honey. - Wait a minute. 796 01:20:14,017 --> 01:20:16,268 No one finds this a little convenient? 797 01:20:16,353 --> 01:20:19,772 Hey, kid, you always said this is a movie, didn't you? 798 01:20:24,569 --> 01:20:26,070 How did it go? 799 01:20:29,449 --> 01:20:31,242 Hey! How did it go? 800 01:20:34,955 --> 01:20:39,333 Come on. I'm dying out here. How was it? I want to know how it went. 801 01:20:46,842 --> 01:20:50,177 Come on, move your butt. How did it went? 802 01:20:50,345 --> 01:20:51,637 Splendid. 803 01:20:52,305 --> 01:20:53,430 What? 804 01:20:55,100 --> 01:20:58,894 - It went splendidly! - Wait, wait a minute. I can't hear you. 805 01:20:58,979 --> 01:21:02,606 I don't want to miss a thing. Come here. Come here. 806 01:21:04,276 --> 01:21:06,360 - Hey, Benedict, get your stuff. - Yes. 807 01:21:06,444 --> 01:21:09,697 - Was it beautiful? - Perfect in every detail. 808 01:21:10,365 --> 01:21:13,367 And the gas tanks. Poof! Were they okay? 809 01:21:13,785 --> 01:21:15,327 Like clockwork. 810 01:21:15,912 --> 01:21:17,371 You should have been there. 811 01:21:17,455 --> 01:21:22,167 Men, women and children dropping left and right, writhing and screaming. 812 01:21:22,252 --> 01:21:25,671 Wait a minute. Wait, wait. Wait a minute. I want to enjoy it all. 813 01:21:26,089 --> 01:21:27,673 Go on, go on. Tell me, tell me. 814 01:21:27,757 --> 01:21:32,553 They were writhing and screaming and leaping to their doom to escape the pain. 815 01:21:33,138 --> 01:21:36,140 - Really? Really? - No, not really. I'm lying. 816 01:21:36,224 --> 01:21:38,142 It was a complete and utter balls-up 817 01:21:38,226 --> 01:21:41,520 and I've had a terrible day, thanks largely to you. 818 01:21:42,981 --> 01:21:47,192 What is this, Benedict? First, you're my friend. Now you turn a 819 01:21:48,653 --> 01:21:50,446 - 360 on me. - God. 820 01:21:50,530 --> 01:21:54,366 One-eighty, you stupid, spaghetti-slurping cretin. 821 01:21:54,451 --> 01:21:57,161 One-eighty! If I did a 360, 822 01:21:57,245 --> 01:22:00,831 I'd go completely around and end up back where I started! 823 01:22:02,709 --> 01:22:04,710 - What? - Trust me. 824 01:22:08,173 --> 01:22:11,926 If that little turd, Daniel Madigan, can move through parallel worlds, 825 01:22:12,010 --> 01:22:15,429 I can move through parallel worlds, in and out. 826 01:22:15,764 --> 01:22:20,434 In, steal whatever I want, and out again. Impossible to catch. 827 01:22:23,104 --> 01:22:25,064 If God was a villain, 828 01:22:27,192 --> 01:22:28,525 he'd be me. 829 01:22:30,445 --> 01:22:33,364 - You want me vacuum now? - No, thank you. 830 01:22:34,366 --> 01:22:37,451 But the pool could benefit from some attention. 831 01:22:37,619 --> 01:22:38,994 Very good. 832 01:22:53,969 --> 01:22:55,386 Don't move. 833 01:22:58,848 --> 01:23:02,518 - All right, Slater, I'll go quietly. - The hell you will. 834 01:23:10,610 --> 01:23:14,196 That was for blowing up my second cousin, Frank's house. 835 01:23:14,280 --> 01:23:18,283 And this is for blowing up my ex-wife's house. 836 01:23:20,704 --> 01:23:24,248 But this... This is for my daughter's black eye! 837 01:23:28,753 --> 01:23:31,588 Usually, when I do that, it leaves a hole. 838 01:23:32,924 --> 01:23:37,094 The ticket. Jack, he's got the ticket! 839 01:23:38,430 --> 01:23:41,140 It's the key to everything. It's magic. 840 01:23:42,183 --> 01:23:46,437 See? That's my world! He's gone over to my world! 841 01:23:47,188 --> 01:23:50,024 The door, it must still be open. Come on! 842 01:23:51,026 --> 01:23:53,861 I'm not worried that you're crazy anymore. 843 01:23:54,779 --> 01:23:57,072 I'm worried that you're right. 844 01:23:58,867 --> 01:24:01,201 But if I go, how do I get back? 845 01:24:01,369 --> 01:24:04,329 You can't go through life nitpicking every little thing. 846 01:24:04,414 --> 01:24:05,914 Now, come on! 847 01:24:11,212 --> 01:24:12,838 The hell with it. 848 01:24:19,429 --> 01:24:21,430 There was nothing to it. 849 01:24:23,933 --> 01:24:27,811 - We're still here. - Are you sure about that? Look. 850 01:24:32,400 --> 01:24:34,068 Quickly! Quickly! 851 01:24:36,237 --> 01:24:39,281 - I want to see if Nick's okay. - There's no time. Come on. 852 01:24:42,577 --> 01:24:45,496 What the hell? We're in New York. 853 01:24:45,997 --> 01:24:47,915 Jack, it all makes sense. 854 01:24:47,999 --> 01:24:51,668 No, actually it makes absolutely no sense, but I'll try to explain it you. Later. 855 01:24:51,795 --> 01:24:55,339 Meantime, please be careful. Things work different here. 856 01:24:59,511 --> 01:25:02,179 - Get out! - All right. Don't get feisty. 857 01:25:02,806 --> 01:25:06,225 - The car's a piece ofjunk, anyway. - Drive, bonehead! 858 01:25:09,437 --> 01:25:12,481 Here's another explosion for your movie, kid. 859 01:25:18,321 --> 01:25:20,531 Not a word. Not one word. 860 01:25:31,835 --> 01:25:35,420 - My hand. It really hurts. - Things work different here. 861 01:25:35,505 --> 01:25:38,507 You can't smash a car window with your bare hand and not have it hurt. 862 01:25:38,591 --> 01:25:42,344 Thanks for sharing. You couldn't have told me this earlier? 863 01:25:46,182 --> 01:25:50,519 - I think the taxis are bulletproof. - Jack, We got to get that ticket back. 864 01:26:10,081 --> 01:26:14,418 No way, Slater. Please. Listen to me. It won't work, you hear me? 865 01:26:14,752 --> 01:26:17,546 You can't play chicken in real life. You'll crash! 866 01:26:17,630 --> 01:26:19,548 Out of the car, amigo. 867 01:26:20,091 --> 01:26:23,677 This isn't the movies anymore, Jack. Here, you have to reload guns... 868 01:26:23,761 --> 01:26:27,181 - Go, Danny! Get out! - Car crashes can kill you! You hear me? 869 01:26:28,183 --> 01:26:32,561 You are going to die! Jack! 870 01:26:33,897 --> 01:26:35,439 What did I do? 871 01:26:42,947 --> 01:26:44,698 Oh, Christ, please. 872 01:26:56,044 --> 01:26:57,586 Damn it, that hurt. 873 01:26:57,670 --> 01:27:00,881 You're lucky you're still alive, you dumb idiot! 874 01:27:00,965 --> 01:27:06,261 Hey, '89 Mercury Sable, standard driver's-side air bag. 875 01:27:06,512 --> 01:27:09,097 Checker Cab, no air bag. Who is dumb? 876 01:27:09,182 --> 01:27:11,558 Okay, okay. Just make sure they're dead. 877 01:27:11,643 --> 01:27:13,977 - Give me a break. They're dead. - Just check, will you? 878 01:27:14,062 --> 01:27:17,856 - Look. Dead. - They always look dead! Like in Die Hard. 879 01:27:17,941 --> 01:27:22,653 The guy's hanging there by his neck and at the end of the movie he comes back. 880 01:27:24,822 --> 01:27:27,199 All right. Make sure to cover me. 881 01:27:27,408 --> 01:27:29,993 I think he's got a windshield wiper. 882 01:27:36,125 --> 01:27:38,126 Maybe he used the ticket. 883 01:27:41,130 --> 01:27:43,465 Maybe it's on all the time now. 884 01:27:58,022 --> 01:27:59,815 What is this place? 885 01:28:01,484 --> 01:28:03,026 Where am I now? 886 01:28:06,072 --> 01:28:09,491 Danny, you got a place I can sit down? 887 01:28:11,786 --> 01:28:13,787 Yeah. Come on. 888 01:28:16,708 --> 01:28:18,292 Nick! Nick! 889 01:28:18,751 --> 01:28:22,921 Danny. Oh, my God. I was so worried. Are you okay? 890 01:28:23,131 --> 01:28:25,215 Did you see what happened? 891 01:28:25,383 --> 01:28:27,801 No, I slept the sleep of the dead, kid, in here until 892 01:28:27,885 --> 01:28:30,971 I woke up at 2:00 in the morning and I figured you'd gone home. 893 01:28:31,055 --> 01:28:33,807 I wasn't home, Nick. I was in the movie. 894 01:28:35,685 --> 01:28:38,979 I'm getting a little up in years, kid. Define "in." 895 01:28:39,272 --> 01:28:41,398 Whitney kissed me on the mouth. 896 01:28:41,482 --> 01:28:45,360 I drove one of those great big cranes and dropped Leo the Fart in the La Brea Tar Pits. 897 01:28:45,445 --> 01:28:48,488 I was with Jack Slater every step of the way! 898 01:28:52,243 --> 01:28:54,202 Oh, my God. 899 01:28:56,789 --> 01:28:58,582 The ticket works? 900 01:29:00,084 --> 01:29:04,212 I could have used it all this time and I never used it 'cause I... 901 01:29:04,756 --> 01:29:06,590 I was too frightened. 902 01:29:08,259 --> 01:29:11,303 But it's not too late. I can still go visit 903 01:29:12,680 --> 01:29:14,348 Garbo in Camille. 904 01:29:15,850 --> 01:29:18,935 Jean Harlow. Oh, boy, I had a crush... 905 01:29:20,313 --> 01:29:22,105 Monroe in Bus Stop. 906 01:29:25,610 --> 01:29:30,238 Forgive me for going on like that, sir. I'm a great admirer of your work, too. 907 01:29:30,656 --> 01:29:32,908 Nick, it isn't who you think. 908 01:29:34,243 --> 01:29:36,411 You mean, it's... Is he... 909 01:29:37,622 --> 01:29:40,624 This is a wonderful moment for me, Mr. Slater. 910 01:29:40,792 --> 01:29:43,919 I've never met a fictional character before. 911 01:29:45,630 --> 01:29:48,632 How new and exciting this must all be for you. 912 01:29:50,051 --> 01:29:52,928 Hey, I just found out I was imaginary. 913 01:29:53,471 --> 01:29:56,765 I mean, how would you feel if you found out that somebody made you up? 914 01:29:56,849 --> 01:30:00,435 Your job, your marriage, your kids. 915 01:30:02,271 --> 01:30:05,315 Oh, yeah. Let's push his son off the building. 916 01:30:05,691 --> 01:30:07,901 Gives you nightmares the rest of your life. 917 01:30:07,985 --> 01:30:11,279 But you're fictional, so who cares? I'm sorry, 918 01:30:11,656 --> 01:30:13,782 but I don't find it so new and exciting to discover 919 01:30:13,866 --> 01:30:16,159 that my whole life has been a damn movie. 920 01:30:16,244 --> 01:30:18,912 Well, you're young and impressionable. 921 01:30:19,997 --> 01:30:22,791 You know, there's lots worse things than movies. 922 01:30:22,875 --> 01:30:28,672 There's politicians and wars and forest fires, and famine and plague... 923 01:30:30,508 --> 01:30:34,719 - Sickness, pain, warts, politicians... - You already mentioned them. 924 01:30:35,012 --> 01:30:38,348 I know I did. They're twice as bad as anything else. 925 01:30:39,308 --> 01:30:42,602 Most of my life's been movies, too. Well, showing them. 926 01:30:42,687 --> 01:30:45,021 But that's all over for me now. 927 01:30:45,815 --> 01:30:50,068 The theater's shut. I'm gonna clear out my stuff, and then it's the wrecking ball. 928 01:30:50,153 --> 01:30:54,406 But now, I got another chance. Could I have the ticket back, please? 929 01:30:54,699 --> 01:30:58,452 Well... We've got this one little 930 01:31:00,663 --> 01:31:03,206 - hiccup. - What do you mean "hiccup"? 931 01:31:04,375 --> 01:31:07,419 Benedict's here, too, and he's got the ticket. 932 01:31:07,545 --> 01:31:09,880 That madman with the glass eye? 933 01:31:13,718 --> 01:31:17,471 - How the hell are you going to get back? - That's a good question. 934 01:31:17,555 --> 01:31:20,557 But we wouldn't want to nitpick. Right, Danny? 935 01:31:25,188 --> 01:31:27,522 Now, you just follow my lead. 936 01:31:32,653 --> 01:31:36,406 Where have you been? Have you got any idea what time it is? 937 01:31:36,741 --> 01:31:39,951 The police called. You're not there, you're not here. 938 01:31:40,036 --> 01:31:41,870 Mom, I'm sorry. Okay? 939 01:31:43,247 --> 01:31:44,289 "Okay?" 940 01:31:45,041 --> 01:31:47,626 There are nine million kids out there with guns 941 01:31:47,710 --> 01:31:50,921 and that's all you have to say to me, "Okay?" 942 01:31:51,464 --> 01:31:54,341 - Will you get in here? - Well... Mom, wait. 943 01:31:55,259 --> 01:31:58,929 You know how you always say you wished I had more friends? 944 01:31:59,180 --> 01:32:00,430 Well... 945 01:32:08,439 --> 01:32:10,273 Hello, Mrs. Madigan. 946 01:32:11,150 --> 01:32:13,068 Arnold Braunschweiger. 947 01:32:32,755 --> 01:32:35,173 Sweetheart, want to have a party? 948 01:32:39,512 --> 01:32:42,138 - How old are you? - Forget it. 949 01:32:53,109 --> 01:32:58,488 No, you get the shoes! Take the shoes! Come on, we ain't got time. Come on! 950 01:33:02,618 --> 01:33:04,160 Take his shoes? 951 01:33:29,020 --> 01:33:30,395 No screams? 952 01:33:34,108 --> 01:33:35,483 No sirens? 953 01:33:41,032 --> 01:33:42,365 Excuse me! 954 01:33:44,368 --> 01:33:46,536 - Excuse me! - Yeah? 955 01:33:49,206 --> 01:33:53,335 I'm sorry to bother you. I wonder if you'd help me test a theory. 956 01:33:53,419 --> 01:33:55,545 Sure. What can I do for you? 957 01:33:56,589 --> 01:33:57,839 Well... 958 01:34:16,734 --> 01:34:17,901 Hello? 959 01:34:19,570 --> 01:34:22,947 I've just shot somebody. I did it on purpose! 960 01:34:28,371 --> 01:34:33,541 I said, I have murdered a man, and I want to confess! 961 01:34:34,418 --> 01:34:36,419 Hey, shut up down there! 962 01:34:41,676 --> 01:34:46,179 I don't know what to say. I feel a little shy and embarrassed right now, 963 01:34:46,263 --> 01:34:50,183 but, I mean, I understand that, for some reason, we look alike. 964 01:34:50,976 --> 01:34:52,143 It's crazy... 965 01:34:52,228 --> 01:34:56,940 The thing is, you really do look uncannily like him except for one thing, the eyes. 966 01:34:57,024 --> 01:35:00,735 - You are obviously much more intelligent. - Thank you. 967 01:35:00,820 --> 01:35:03,530 Good morning. Good afternoon. Good to see you. 968 01:35:03,614 --> 01:35:05,240 What kind of eggs do you want? 969 01:35:05,324 --> 01:35:09,077 Scrambled. Have you guys been up all night? 970 01:35:09,161 --> 01:35:11,246 Why didn't you tell me that Jack was a cop 971 01:35:11,330 --> 01:35:13,039 and why didn't you tell me you spent the whole night 972 01:35:13,124 --> 01:35:14,999 in a police station looking at mug shots? 973 01:35:15,084 --> 01:35:17,335 You could have taken two minutes to call your mother. 974 01:35:17,420 --> 01:35:19,671 Why didn't you tell me you had no friends? 975 01:35:19,755 --> 01:35:22,257 And what is this business about going to the movies at midnight 976 01:35:22,341 --> 01:35:25,176 when you knew your mother would be worried? 977 01:35:29,014 --> 01:35:33,935 Mom. You turned him into a wimp. 978 01:35:34,562 --> 01:35:36,730 Oh, I think not. Toast? 979 01:35:37,064 --> 01:35:38,481 No, thanks. 980 01:35:39,817 --> 01:35:42,193 Jack, are you okay? 981 01:35:44,488 --> 01:35:45,822 We talked. 982 01:35:46,157 --> 01:35:49,826 I mean, I never just talked to a woman before. It's neat. 983 01:35:50,619 --> 01:35:51,745 Neat? 984 01:35:53,998 --> 01:35:57,375 Wimp. Next, they'll be talking about sex. 985 01:35:58,794 --> 01:36:02,255 Me and Jack are going out today! I'm helping him on a case! 986 01:36:02,339 --> 01:36:03,298 Oh, no. 987 01:36:03,382 --> 01:36:06,760 Your license to kill expired at 4:00 this morning, young man. 988 01:36:06,844 --> 01:36:09,012 Get in here and eat some eggs. 989 01:36:10,473 --> 01:36:14,225 Mom, I have to help. I'm the only witness. 990 01:36:14,310 --> 01:36:16,936 You know, like the kid in the movie with Harrison Ford? 991 01:36:17,021 --> 01:36:18,980 There is no comparison. 992 01:36:19,857 --> 01:36:21,065 We're not Jewish. 993 01:36:21,150 --> 01:36:23,276 - Amish. - Whatever-ish! 994 01:36:23,360 --> 01:36:29,115 Irene. Don't worry. It won't be that hard. There are eight million in this city. 995 01:36:29,200 --> 01:36:31,117 And I'm very good at catching people. 996 01:36:31,202 --> 01:36:35,705 Yeah! And the future of the world may be at stake, and, and maybe... 997 01:36:38,918 --> 01:36:40,835 Could you turn this up, please? 998 01:36:45,758 --> 01:36:47,175 What's that? 999 01:36:47,760 --> 01:36:50,386 - Mozart. - The guy Practice killed? 1000 01:36:52,973 --> 01:36:54,766 That's right, Jack. 1001 01:36:55,518 --> 01:36:57,560 You like classical music? 1002 01:37:00,356 --> 01:37:04,651 I don't know. I think I will. Wow. 1003 01:37:14,662 --> 01:37:17,080 You tell my mom who you really were? 1004 01:37:17,164 --> 01:37:18,665 Yeah, a cop from LA. 1005 01:37:18,749 --> 01:37:20,124 I mean, really. 1006 01:37:20,751 --> 01:37:23,378 Well, real enough. For right now. 1007 01:37:25,923 --> 01:37:28,258 So you think for sure you're going to catch him? 1008 01:37:28,342 --> 01:37:30,426 I always catch everybody. 1009 01:37:30,511 --> 01:37:32,846 And you're going to spot him from up here? 1010 01:37:32,930 --> 01:37:37,267 Hey, give me a break. It's the first time I've been to anyplace real. 1011 01:37:39,603 --> 01:37:41,771 Now, this ticket of yours... 1012 01:37:42,439 --> 01:37:44,566 It worked in one movie. 1013 01:37:45,234 --> 01:37:47,610 Does that mean that Benedict could use it again? 1014 01:37:47,695 --> 01:37:50,780 You mean on other movies? Why would he want to do that? 1015 01:37:52,533 --> 01:37:54,242 I don't know. 1016 01:37:56,078 --> 01:37:57,453 But it's a start. 1017 01:37:57,997 --> 01:38:00,582 The possibilities are limitless. 1018 01:38:00,666 --> 01:38:03,668 But I realized after the car crash 1019 01:38:03,752 --> 01:38:06,379 that the ultimate freedom would always elude me 1020 01:38:06,463 --> 01:38:10,717 until Jack Slater was, and forgive the pun, taken out of the picture. 1021 01:38:11,635 --> 01:38:16,431 And I thought perhaps you might like to be inclined to help. 1022 01:38:18,767 --> 01:38:23,104 Look, I understand that all this must be strange and difficult for you, 1023 01:38:23,188 --> 01:38:27,483 but if you do this right, the world is your oyster. Trust me. 1024 01:38:29,653 --> 01:38:33,114 You can have complete freedom to do whatever you want. 1025 01:38:34,074 --> 01:38:36,409 Beyond even your wildest dreams. 1026 01:38:37,703 --> 01:38:41,873 And you'll never have to go back to this film again. 1027 01:38:45,044 --> 01:38:49,964 Now I know you've never heard of this man, but his actual name, believe it or not, 1028 01:38:50,049 --> 01:38:52,050 is Arnold Schwarzenegger. 1029 01:38:53,844 --> 01:38:56,512 Jack, there's got to be a thousand theaters in this city 1030 01:38:56,597 --> 01:38:58,348 and we've been looking for five hours. 1031 01:38:58,474 --> 01:39:00,683 We are that close in catching him. 1032 01:39:00,768 --> 01:39:02,769 No, Jack. We're that close to catching pneumonia. 1033 01:39:02,853 --> 01:39:05,939 - Look, in my world, they just leave clues. - But we're not in your world! 1034 01:39:06,023 --> 01:39:08,066 Or they just show up and then kidnap me. 1035 01:39:08,150 --> 01:39:12,278 That kind of stuff doesn't happen here, Jack, because this world stinks! 1036 01:39:12,363 --> 01:39:15,448 Hey. The world is what you make of it, Danny. 1037 01:39:15,532 --> 01:39:18,952 Now if you want to give up and go home, then go ahead. 1038 01:39:20,371 --> 01:39:23,247 You believed in me in the movies. Why not now? 1039 01:39:23,332 --> 01:39:25,458 Because here, you're just... 1040 01:39:27,461 --> 01:39:28,836 Just what? 1041 01:39:48,941 --> 01:39:52,068 Jack... Jack, there he is! 1042 01:40:07,459 --> 01:40:08,584 Jack! 1043 01:40:16,427 --> 01:40:17,635 Are you nuts? 1044 01:40:18,929 --> 01:40:20,805 - Damn it! - Hey, you crazy asshole! 1045 01:40:20,889 --> 01:40:22,223 Jack, he's just a cabbie! 1046 01:40:22,307 --> 01:40:23,683 You've seen those movies where they say, 1047 01:40:23,767 --> 01:40:25,727 "Make my day" or "I am your worst nightmare." 1048 01:40:25,811 --> 01:40:28,980 Well, listen to this one, rubber baby buggy bumpers. 1049 01:40:29,064 --> 01:40:31,774 Ha! You didn't know I'm gonna say that, did you? 1050 01:40:33,193 --> 01:40:34,527 - Where did he go? Talk! - How would I know? 1051 01:40:34,611 --> 01:40:37,405 The guy was in the back reading the paper. 1052 01:40:39,867 --> 01:40:43,536 You were right, Jack. He has been going to the movies. 1053 01:40:43,620 --> 01:40:46,039 Kid, that ain't the half of it. 1054 01:40:48,083 --> 01:40:51,461 Hi, I'm Army Archerd, and we are live to you from New York. 1055 01:40:51,545 --> 01:40:53,755 We're just moments away from the world premiere of 1056 01:40:53,839 --> 01:40:57,050 Arnold Schwarzenegger's Jack Slater IV. 1057 01:40:57,134 --> 01:41:00,595 And here's the man they've come to see, folks. There's no mistaking that car. 1058 01:41:00,679 --> 01:41:05,767 Here they are, Arnold Schwarzenegger and his lovely wife, Maria Shriver. 1059 01:41:07,895 --> 01:41:10,772 - So good to see you all. - Are you a big-time fan of Jack Slater films? 1060 01:41:10,856 --> 01:41:15,401 I've enjoyed... It was just beautiful... I just loved it. 1061 01:41:15,486 --> 01:41:17,570 The National Enquirer. Don't talk to them. Okay? 1062 01:41:17,654 --> 01:41:20,615 Hi, how are you? Look, Time magazine. That's great. Hi. 1063 01:41:20,783 --> 01:41:22,992 Hi. How are you? Hello. 1064 01:41:23,619 --> 01:41:25,536 Now remember, don't plug the restaurants. 1065 01:41:25,621 --> 01:41:29,082 I just hate it when you plug the restaurants or the gyms. It's so tacky. 1066 01:41:29,166 --> 01:41:30,666 So why was he going to the movies? 1067 01:41:30,751 --> 01:41:31,918 Maybe to get help. 1068 01:41:32,002 --> 01:41:35,755 Benedict can do damn near anything with the ticket, but we still know who he is. 1069 01:41:35,839 --> 01:41:38,508 - So he's got to take us out. - He can't get to you. 1070 01:41:38,592 --> 01:41:42,762 Suppose he doesn't have to get to me. Suppose all he has to do is get to him. 1071 01:41:42,846 --> 01:41:45,306 Benedict is going to kill Schwarzenegger. 1072 01:41:45,390 --> 01:41:49,435 - Who's Schwarzenegger, who's Slater. - Bingo. 1073 01:41:51,188 --> 01:41:52,855 We kill less people in this movie. 1074 01:41:52,940 --> 01:41:55,191 This movie we only killed 48 people 1075 01:41:55,275 --> 01:41:57,860 compared to the last one, where we killed 119. 1076 01:41:57,945 --> 01:41:59,987 And I want to make sure that the action fans understand 1077 01:42:00,072 --> 01:42:04,033 we make up for it with a good story, lot of emotions, depth, dimensions... 1078 01:42:04,535 --> 01:42:06,410 There are thousands in attendance here tonight. 1079 01:42:06,495 --> 01:42:09,455 And millions more are listening to us live around the world. 1080 01:42:09,540 --> 01:42:12,208 I'm going to direct it, produce it, and star in it. 1081 01:42:12,292 --> 01:42:14,460 - Is this guy a success story, or what? - It's unbelievable. 1082 01:42:14,545 --> 01:42:15,795 Only in America. 1083 01:42:15,879 --> 01:42:17,421 Well, only in Hollywood, I would say. 1084 01:42:17,506 --> 01:42:19,006 And talking about Hollywood, 1085 01:42:19,091 --> 01:42:22,468 at Planet Hollywood, we have this incredible memorabilia. Yes, I'm telling you... 1086 01:42:22,553 --> 01:42:24,345 Excuse us, we're just gonna get going. Thanks very much. 1087 01:42:24,429 --> 01:42:25,930 ...absolutely fabulous. I'm telling you. 1088 01:42:26,014 --> 01:42:28,307 You embarrassed me, you low-forehead. It was humiliating. 1089 01:42:28,392 --> 01:42:30,059 How could you do something like that? 1090 01:42:31,270 --> 01:42:34,647 Chris, check this out. Look, it's the Ripper from Jack Slater III. 1091 01:42:34,731 --> 01:42:36,190 Scary. 1092 01:42:36,567 --> 01:42:39,652 Let's "ax" him a question, okay? See if we can get him over here. 1093 01:42:39,736 --> 01:42:41,070 Wow, will you look at this? A method villain. 1094 01:42:41,155 --> 01:42:43,865 Rip, Rip, come here. What brings you here tonight? 1095 01:42:43,949 --> 01:42:48,703 I... I thought I might kill someone. 1096 01:42:49,705 --> 01:42:51,497 Maybe you should start with your designer. 1097 01:42:51,582 --> 01:42:54,709 Nobody wants to miss out tonight. The limos just keep coming. 1098 01:42:54,793 --> 01:42:57,503 The stars are really shining in Times Square. 1099 01:42:57,588 --> 01:43:00,715 Excuse me, sir. Could I see your invitation? 1100 01:43:02,384 --> 01:43:05,428 Pete, it's okay. He's with me. I'm his agent. 1101 01:43:05,512 --> 01:43:07,555 Jesus Christ, Tom, come here. 1102 01:43:07,639 --> 01:43:10,141 My goodness, it's Tom Noonan, of course, 1103 01:43:10,225 --> 01:43:13,686 the actor who played the Ripper. Who plays the Rip... 1104 01:43:13,770 --> 01:43:14,770 What? 1105 01:43:14,855 --> 01:43:17,190 What are you, nuts? You want to play ax killers the rest of your life? 1106 01:43:17,274 --> 01:43:18,357 Honey, honey, come here. 1107 01:43:18,442 --> 01:43:20,276 I'm gonna need the manager's office for about five, 10 minutes. 1108 01:43:20,360 --> 01:43:21,986 - I'm sorry, sir... - You're sorry? Here's 50 bucks. 1109 01:43:22,070 --> 01:43:23,070 How sorry are you now? 1110 01:43:23,155 --> 01:43:25,156 What do you think Jack Slater says about America? 1111 01:43:25,240 --> 01:43:26,574 I really want to hear it. 1112 01:43:26,658 --> 01:43:27,658 I don't really want to hear it. 1113 01:43:27,743 --> 01:43:31,454 I'm not really a big fan ofArnold's but she is, you know. 1114 01:43:32,289 --> 01:43:36,626 Arnold really turns her on and I just want to be there when it happens, that's all. 1115 01:43:36,960 --> 01:43:39,670 Good, Tom, you got the props, too. That's terrific. 1116 01:43:39,755 --> 01:43:41,964 Why don't you just whip a hibachi out from under your coat there? 1117 01:43:42,049 --> 01:43:44,217 And we could make some shish kebabs for the critics. That'd be good. 1118 01:43:44,301 --> 01:43:47,136 You're lucky I have a friend who rents tuxedos. 1119 01:43:47,221 --> 01:43:50,932 Hello. Yeah. I know it's late. Tell him it's me. 1120 01:43:52,059 --> 01:43:54,560 Did Nicholson show up to the premiere of Batman dressed as the Joker? 1121 01:43:54,645 --> 01:43:56,395 I don't think so. 1122 01:43:57,022 --> 01:43:59,565 Hi, Murray, get me your brother-in-law, will you? 1123 01:43:59,650 --> 01:44:01,108 Yes, it's important. 1124 01:44:01,193 --> 01:44:04,612 It fits nice. Moving the button was a good idea. Just get... 1125 01:44:04,696 --> 01:44:06,739 Hey, Marv. Yeah, I need a tux. 1126 01:44:10,994 --> 01:44:13,454 - What the hell was that? - Hey! Watch it! 1127 01:44:13,538 --> 01:44:16,540 You're a big action guy. What do you think about this? 1128 01:44:16,625 --> 01:44:19,001 I would never miss the premiere for a second. 1129 01:44:19,086 --> 01:44:23,547 Where am I sitting? Where? Where am I sitting? 1130 01:44:24,383 --> 01:44:25,675 There's two balconies. 1131 01:44:25,759 --> 01:44:29,345 I believe you're in the upper... Lower balcony. 1132 01:44:29,429 --> 01:44:30,930 - You stay here... - Yeah, I know. I stay here. 1133 01:44:31,014 --> 01:44:32,390 And be careful. 1134 01:44:43,485 --> 01:44:47,989 Somebody should be checking that other balcony. Definitely! 1135 01:44:58,750 --> 01:45:01,627 Arnold, look. Deal's done, right? 1136 01:45:02,254 --> 01:45:04,672 - What? - Slater V, the soundtrack. 1137 01:45:47,799 --> 01:45:49,675 I'll be a son of a... 1138 01:45:49,760 --> 01:45:51,218 Jack! 1139 01:45:51,303 --> 01:45:54,805 Jack! It's the Ripper! He's brought back the Ripper! 1140 01:45:56,475 --> 01:45:59,268 Jack, Benedict's brought back the Ripper! 1141 01:46:02,939 --> 01:46:05,274 Everybody down! Now! 1142 01:46:11,114 --> 01:46:12,573 Get off me! 1143 01:46:20,999 --> 01:46:22,792 Get the hell off me. 1144 01:46:24,544 --> 01:46:27,713 The studio should let me know when they're planning a stunt. 1145 01:46:27,798 --> 01:46:31,133 You know, you are the best celebrity look-alike I've ever seen. 1146 01:46:32,636 --> 01:46:33,886 Why not? 1147 01:46:45,649 --> 01:46:47,566 Hey, if you get to Los Angeles, 1148 01:46:47,651 --> 01:46:50,361 call my office. We can get you shopping center openings... 1149 01:46:50,445 --> 01:46:54,615 Look, I don't really like you. All right? You've brought me nothing but pain. 1150 01:46:54,699 --> 01:46:56,409 Jack, help! 1151 01:46:59,329 --> 01:47:01,205 Did anyone come out of here? 1152 01:47:01,289 --> 01:47:03,499 Did you see anyone come out here? 1153 01:47:04,793 --> 01:47:07,795 Did you see a crazy guy with an ax coming out of here? 1154 01:47:07,879 --> 01:47:09,338 No, no. I didn't. 1155 01:47:21,101 --> 01:47:24,228 Hey, Jack. What kept you? 1156 01:47:27,691 --> 01:47:29,692 Are you all right, Danny? 1157 01:47:30,360 --> 01:47:31,986 Yes... Yes, sir. 1158 01:47:35,782 --> 01:47:38,826 You know, I tried to change, Jack. 1159 01:47:38,910 --> 01:47:45,749 I really tried to do what he told me to do, but you know, I kept hearing that old music. 1160 01:47:47,002 --> 01:47:49,712 That's how I knew you'd come here, Jack. 1161 01:47:51,131 --> 01:47:52,548 Now, lose the piece. 1162 01:47:57,554 --> 01:47:58,679 There. 1163 01:47:59,514 --> 01:48:03,100 It's now between you and me, so let the boy go. 1164 01:48:03,185 --> 01:48:06,145 Hey, we've played this number before, haven't we, Jack? 1165 01:48:06,229 --> 01:48:07,938 Let's see, what comes next? 1166 01:48:08,398 --> 01:48:13,569 You throw the gun away, right? We did that part and... 1167 01:48:14,571 --> 01:48:18,699 And then you tell me to let the kid go and... 1168 01:48:20,160 --> 01:48:23,287 I'm getting bored. Why don't we just skip to the end? 1169 01:48:35,592 --> 01:48:38,469 Come on, Jack! Come on. 1170 01:48:38,553 --> 01:48:40,846 Over here, right here, Jack. Come on. Right here. 1171 01:48:40,931 --> 01:48:45,935 Come on, Jack! Let's go, man. Come here, Jack. Come on, Jack. 1172 01:48:46,019 --> 01:48:49,730 Let's go, let's go. Come on. Let's do it, Jack. 1173 01:49:09,501 --> 01:49:15,214 I'll be back! 1174 01:49:21,471 --> 01:49:23,180 The hell you will. 1175 01:49:27,435 --> 01:49:29,186 Jack! 1176 01:49:30,939 --> 01:49:32,815 - Danny? - Jack, please! 1177 01:49:32,899 --> 01:49:34,233 Danny! 1178 01:49:36,152 --> 01:49:39,822 Danny! I'll be right there. I'm coming! Hang on! 1179 01:49:44,744 --> 01:49:46,579 Just hang on now. 1180 01:49:49,666 --> 01:49:53,627 - Jack, help! - Hold on, Danny! I'll be right there. 1181 01:49:55,589 --> 01:49:57,006 I'm coming. 1182 01:49:58,216 --> 01:49:59,842 Jack, hurry! 1183 01:50:00,427 --> 01:50:03,345 Hold on, Danny, and don't look down! 1184 01:50:05,557 --> 01:50:08,017 Oh, God, please, don't let him die. 1185 01:50:09,769 --> 01:50:11,353 Now, listen, kid. 1186 01:50:12,188 --> 01:50:14,898 You grab my hand, and we get out of here. 1187 01:50:15,817 --> 01:50:18,360 I can't, Jack. We'll fall. 1188 01:50:18,445 --> 01:50:22,072 Come on, now. Danny, trust me. 1189 01:50:23,408 --> 01:50:24,533 I can't do it, Jack. 1190 01:50:24,618 --> 01:50:26,869 Listen to me, Danny. Listen to me. 1191 01:50:26,953 --> 01:50:29,455 You hold on with your feet, with your legs 1192 01:50:29,539 --> 01:50:35,127 and you let your hands go and I will catch you. Okay? Believe in me. 1193 01:50:35,211 --> 01:50:39,298 I will catch you. Now, get my hand. Let's go. 1194 01:50:39,382 --> 01:50:42,593 Go for it, now. Come on, Danny. Yes. 1195 01:51:03,031 --> 01:51:05,449 This hero stuff has its limits. 1196 01:51:13,458 --> 01:51:18,003 I need a hospital. I think my shoulder is out of the socket. 1197 01:51:18,088 --> 01:51:20,422 Will the morgue suffice? 1198 01:51:21,716 --> 01:51:23,092 Get down, Danny. 1199 01:51:28,431 --> 01:51:32,851 Give it up, Benedict. The whole lobby is swarming with cops. 1200 01:51:32,936 --> 01:51:37,064 I think I can manage to avoid them, but if not, 1201 01:51:37,148 --> 01:51:40,943 I've another little explosive surprise for them. 1202 01:51:44,447 --> 01:51:47,491 Gentlemen, since you're about to die anyway, 1203 01:51:47,575 --> 01:51:51,370 I may as well tell you the entire plot. 1204 01:51:51,454 --> 01:51:57,042 Think of villains, Jack. You want Dracula? Dracula? Hang on. 1205 01:51:57,585 --> 01:52:02,798 I'll fetch him. Dracula. I can get King Kong. 1206 01:52:03,299 --> 01:52:08,554 We'll have a nightmare with Freddy Krueger. Have a surprise party for Adolf Hitler. 1207 01:52:08,638 --> 01:52:10,973 Hannibal Lecter can do the catering. 1208 01:52:11,057 --> 01:52:14,977 And then we'll all have a christening for Rosemary's baby. 1209 01:52:17,105 --> 01:52:21,066 All I have to do is snap my fingers and they'll be here. 1210 01:52:21,151 --> 01:52:24,737 They're lining up to get here, and do you know why, Jack? 1211 01:52:24,821 --> 01:52:26,572 Shall I tell you why? 1212 01:52:26,656 --> 01:52:31,660 Because here in this world, the bad guys can win. 1213 01:52:33,037 --> 01:52:35,164 I shall miss you, Jack. 1214 01:52:43,506 --> 01:52:49,845 Gee, did you make a movie mistake! You forgot to reload the damn gun. 1215 01:52:49,929 --> 01:52:53,849 No, Jack. I just left one chamber empty. 1216 01:53:00,398 --> 01:53:01,857 Son of a... 1217 01:53:10,116 --> 01:53:12,868 My arm! You broke my arm! 1218 01:53:17,499 --> 01:53:18,999 You see, Jack, 1219 01:53:20,376 --> 01:53:23,170 bad guys can win. 1220 01:53:39,062 --> 01:53:40,270 Jack! 1221 01:53:42,065 --> 01:53:43,565 Now! 1222 01:53:44,734 --> 01:53:47,027 No sequel for you. 1223 01:53:54,369 --> 01:53:55,744 The ticket. 1224 01:54:47,797 --> 01:54:49,298 Take him home. 1225 01:54:49,924 --> 01:54:53,135 Take him back to where this is just a flesh wound. 1226 01:54:55,471 --> 01:54:59,808 Don't you understand? We got to get him back to the movies. 1227 01:55:01,644 --> 01:55:03,729 I said turn around. 1228 01:55:08,985 --> 01:55:12,654 Great! Just great! They always run away. 1229 01:55:12,739 --> 01:55:14,281 Hang on, Jack. 1230 01:55:16,367 --> 01:55:19,286 Danny, do you know how to drive? 1231 01:55:19,370 --> 01:55:21,330 Sure. I watched you, didn't I? 1232 01:55:59,535 --> 01:56:01,536 Get out of the way! 1233 01:56:12,507 --> 01:56:15,467 Nick, fire up the projector. Hurry! 1234 01:56:15,551 --> 01:56:16,885 - Slater's dying. - What happened? 1235 01:56:16,970 --> 01:56:21,223 - You got the ticket? - No, but it's got to work, anyway. It's got to! 1236 01:56:35,238 --> 01:56:38,281 Just hold on, Jack. You'll make it. This is gonna work. 1237 01:56:40,743 --> 01:56:42,244 It's got to be here, Jack. 1238 01:56:48,126 --> 01:56:52,462 Please, please. Nick, hurry! The door won't open. 1239 01:56:52,547 --> 01:56:55,882 No sweat, kid. You tried. 1240 01:56:58,720 --> 01:57:00,679 It's got to be here. 1241 01:57:09,689 --> 01:57:11,106 Just hold... 1242 01:57:15,028 --> 01:57:19,031 Where do you think you're going? Back off. You can't have him. 1243 01:57:19,115 --> 01:57:22,784 I've had it up to here with you, Mister. Who stays, who goes... 1244 01:57:22,869 --> 01:57:26,163 Well, I'm telling you this one stays. 1245 01:57:32,003 --> 01:57:33,795 I was only curious. 1246 01:57:35,214 --> 01:57:38,050 He's not on any of my lists. 1247 01:57:39,135 --> 01:57:42,137 Though you are, Daniel. 1248 01:57:44,265 --> 01:57:45,599 Now? 1249 01:57:45,683 --> 01:57:46,892 Oh, no. 1250 01:57:48,061 --> 01:57:49,978 You die a grandfather. 1251 01:57:57,278 --> 01:58:00,864 Hey, wait a minute. Help us. 1252 01:58:01,657 --> 01:58:05,243 You got to get him back. You can do it. I know you can. 1253 01:58:05,328 --> 01:58:11,792 I don't do fiction. Not my field. Sorry. 1254 01:58:14,504 --> 01:58:17,422 You are a very brave young man. 1255 01:58:19,926 --> 01:58:22,677 Unfortunately, you're not very bright. 1256 01:58:23,471 --> 01:58:25,055 If I were you... 1257 01:58:28,601 --> 01:58:31,895 I might be looking for the other half of the ticket. 1258 01:58:41,114 --> 01:58:44,866 They're all gold. They're all gold. 1259 01:58:46,661 --> 01:58:48,161 Yes! 1260 01:58:50,373 --> 01:58:54,000 I've got it, Jack. I'll get you home, you'll see. 1261 01:58:55,503 --> 01:58:57,003 You can't die. 1262 01:58:58,047 --> 01:59:02,676 I know. Not until the grosses go down. 1263 01:59:02,760 --> 01:59:05,720 No. This is going to save us. 1264 01:59:08,015 --> 01:59:11,685 Throw that silly thing away. 1265 01:59:13,813 --> 01:59:15,397 Holy cow! 1266 01:59:38,421 --> 01:59:41,464 Let's hear it for Houdini! 1267 01:59:45,511 --> 01:59:49,598 Slater! 1268 01:59:50,391 --> 01:59:52,684 Damn it. Anybody seen Slater? 1269 01:59:52,768 --> 01:59:56,438 You see Slater, you tell him to get in my office right now. 1270 02:00:14,290 --> 02:00:16,166 Help, somebody! 1271 02:00:17,168 --> 02:00:22,130 They got Jack! Doctor! Hey, doc! Move! 1272 02:00:23,466 --> 02:00:27,636 Here, take this. You've got to get back before it changes its mind. 1273 02:00:27,720 --> 02:00:30,722 No way. I'm not going to leave you. 1274 02:00:30,806 --> 02:00:34,684 I'm just an imaginary hero, Danny. You have a real life. 1275 02:00:35,645 --> 02:00:38,980 You're real to me. Don't you get it? 1276 02:00:39,774 --> 02:00:44,069 You're the best thing in... I need you to... 1277 02:00:44,528 --> 02:00:48,573 To be here where you can always find me but I need you to be out there. 1278 02:00:48,658 --> 02:00:49,866 To believe in me. 1279 02:00:49,951 --> 02:00:51,284 Doctor, doctor! 1280 02:00:51,369 --> 02:00:56,623 I need you to take care of your mother for me 'cause... Oh, I would love to... 1281 02:00:58,834 --> 02:01:00,460 You have your whole life ahead of you. 1282 02:01:00,544 --> 02:01:03,672 And pimples and premature ejaculation. I heard. 1283 02:01:07,885 --> 02:01:10,512 - What? - It's just... 1284 02:01:12,181 --> 02:01:15,141 I'm scared I'm never going to see you again. 1285 02:01:17,228 --> 02:01:22,357 Whoever thinks that, will be making a big mistake. 1286 02:01:30,825 --> 02:01:34,327 Get out of the way. Out of the way. You want a doctor? I'm a doctor. 1287 02:01:34,412 --> 02:01:37,205 Get out of the way. I'm a doctor. Get out of the way. 1288 02:01:37,331 --> 02:01:40,875 - What happened? What happened, pal? - What is it, doc? 1289 02:01:47,883 --> 02:01:51,511 What is this, some kind of a joke? I wouldn't even call this a flesh wound. 1290 02:01:51,595 --> 02:01:53,471 Come on, here, let's get him up. 1291 02:02:11,824 --> 02:02:14,075 Damn it, where the hell have you been? 1292 02:02:16,370 --> 02:02:18,330 Ha. It's working again. 1293 02:02:18,414 --> 02:02:20,832 And you know the cost of that door is coming right out of your meager 1294 02:02:20,916 --> 02:02:22,042 but undeserved paycheck 1295 02:02:22,126 --> 02:02:24,169 on account of I got the Save-The-Eagle foundation 1296 02:02:24,253 --> 02:02:26,504 doing a fucking tango up and down my Hershey Highway! 1297 02:02:26,589 --> 02:02:27,964 Put a sock in it. 1298 02:02:28,049 --> 02:02:30,342 I don't care who does what to your Hershey Highway, 1299 02:02:30,426 --> 02:02:34,846 and stop shouting. I'm not deaf. You know why you're shouting? 1300 02:02:34,930 --> 02:02:37,682 Because it's in the script. You're the comic relief. 1301 02:02:37,767 --> 02:02:42,145 Yes, and you know what else? I'm the hero so shut up! 1302 02:02:47,735 --> 02:02:51,571 You see, Hollywood is writing our lives and you know something? 1303 02:02:51,655 --> 02:02:54,324 I don't want to shoot people anymore and blow up buildings. 1304 02:02:54,492 --> 02:02:55,533 You know why we do this here? 1305 02:02:55,618 --> 02:02:58,620 You got to be a magician, after all, Nick. 1306 02:02:58,954 --> 02:03:00,622 It really does work. 1307 02:03:01,832 --> 02:03:05,460 The ticket's yours, Danny, and you know something? 1308 02:03:06,921 --> 02:03:09,297 I think the magic was yours, too. 1309 02:03:10,674 --> 02:03:11,966 Come on. 1310 02:03:12,718 --> 02:03:14,677 Ever tell you about the time I was about your age 1311 02:03:14,762 --> 02:03:17,514 and my pop took me to see Buffalo Bill? 1312 02:03:17,598 --> 02:03:21,059 Yeah, well, we went backstage to see Sitting Bull who was his medicine man. 1313 02:03:22,305 --> 02:03:28,331 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org