1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:37,117 --> 00:00:39,479 I'll be honest with you. 4 00:00:39,639 --> 00:00:41,321 I'm a fantastic liar. 5 00:00:42,683 --> 00:00:45,045 But I'm trying something new here. 6 00:00:45,926 --> 00:00:48,288 I'm gonna try to tell the truth. 7 00:01:27,687 --> 00:01:30,010 There's only one road into Mount Hiei. 8 00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:33,974 Outsiders are rarely allowed in. 9 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:37,337 And it's taken me two years to get permission to visit. 10 00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:42,462 I'm here to meet a monk 11 00:01:42,582 --> 00:01:44,785 who's part of a secretive Buddhist sect. 12 00:01:46,146 --> 00:01:48,388 But as I climb up this mountain, 13 00:01:48,949 --> 00:01:50,350 I can't stop thinking 14 00:01:50,470 --> 00:01:52,592 about the mess I've left back home. 15 00:02:05,085 --> 00:02:06,807 I'm not the type of person 16 00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:09,049 you'd expect to go to a Japanese monastery. 17 00:02:09,209 --> 00:02:10,370 I'm not a Buddhist. 18 00:02:10,490 --> 00:02:12,292 And I don't even meditate. 19 00:02:12,612 --> 00:02:14,254 But I've been living a double life 20 00:02:14,374 --> 00:02:17,217 and I thought by coming here, I'd find a way out. 21 00:02:21,181 --> 00:02:24,825 I had no idea how complicated things were about to get. 22 00:02:35,675 --> 00:02:37,637 This is Kamahori. 23 00:02:38,318 --> 00:02:40,000 The reason I'm here. 24 00:02:41,922 --> 00:02:44,004 He's been chosen for the Kaihogyo. 25 00:02:44,204 --> 00:02:47,247 One of the most dangerous rituals in Buddhism. 26 00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:50,851 He must walk a marathon nearly every night 27 00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:52,292 for 7 years. 28 00:02:53,013 --> 00:02:54,774 If he fails for any reason, 29 00:02:55,095 --> 00:02:57,017 he's vowed to commit suicide. 30 00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,339 But if he survives, 31 00:02:59,539 --> 00:03:01,301 he'll become a living Buddha. 32 00:03:03,463 --> 00:03:07,067 Kamahori has dedicated his life to pursuing enlightenment. 33 00:03:07,787 --> 00:03:09,509 The highest form of truth. 34 00:03:09,950 --> 00:03:11,551 And that's why I've come here. 35 00:03:11,671 --> 00:03:13,193 To speak with him. 36 00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:15,916 But there's a problem. 37 00:03:17,677 --> 00:03:20,560 Kamahori has taken a vow of silence. 38 00:03:22,482 --> 00:03:25,886 So, we just sit like this. 39 00:03:48,548 --> 00:03:51,591 Kamahori comes from a long line of Tendai monks 40 00:03:51,831 --> 00:03:55,035 who have lived on this mountain for 1,200 years. 41 00:03:56,196 --> 00:03:58,278 All Buddhist monks seek alignment. 42 00:03:58,879 --> 00:04:00,480 But these monks are different. 43 00:04:01,281 --> 00:04:03,443 They believe it can only be attained 44 00:04:03,563 --> 00:04:06,326 through acts of extreme physical endurance. 45 00:04:08,208 --> 00:04:10,450 The monks claim they walk all night, 46 00:04:10,570 --> 00:04:12,532 and can go months without sleep. 47 00:04:14,494 --> 00:04:16,856 Much of Tendai's teachings are secret. 48 00:04:17,297 --> 00:04:20,140 And most rules have not been written down. 49 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,463 It's only on this mountain that knowledge is passed directly 50 00:04:23,583 --> 00:04:25,385 between teacher and student. 51 00:04:31,551 --> 00:04:34,074 Since Kamahori won't talk to anyone, 52 00:04:34,714 --> 00:04:37,637 I meet with a monk known as a saintly master 53 00:04:37,757 --> 00:04:39,239 of the severe practice. 54 00:04:43,683 --> 00:04:50,810 I've been secluded on this mountain for twelve years. 55 00:04:52,412 --> 00:04:55,295 Even if my parents die, I can't leave. 56 00:04:57,417 --> 00:05:01,461 After I entered the monastery 57 00:05:03,783 --> 00:05:11,191 I sometimes asked myself, "Why did I come here?" 58 00:05:17,077 --> 00:05:21,241 During the Kaihogyo 59 00:05:22,442 --> 00:05:26,646 we embark on a pilgrimage 60 00:05:28,168 --> 00:05:31,091 where we push ourselves to our limits. 61 00:05:36,056 --> 00:05:39,739 It's not an ascetic practice of walking. 62 00:05:40,060 --> 00:05:43,463 We walk in order to visit places of worship. 63 00:05:50,030 --> 00:05:54,314 It takes seven or eight years to complete. 64 00:05:56,076 --> 00:06:00,800 If you translate the distance into kilometers 65 00:06:01,121 --> 00:06:04,244 it's the same as the circumference of the earth. 66 00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:11,331 Giving up before finishing means 67 00:06:12,332 --> 00:06:15,095 that you have to commit suicide. 68 00:06:16,736 --> 00:06:18,778 It's strange to say this but... 69 00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,702 you can achieve anything you are willing to die for. 70 00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:27,907 The path to enlightenment seems like a lot of work. 71 00:06:28,068 --> 00:06:30,430 So I ask him if he has any advice 72 00:06:30,550 --> 00:06:33,073 for ordinary people like me. 73 00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:50,850 You are asking how we feel about ordinary people? 74 00:06:57,337 --> 00:06:58,818 People are... 75 00:07:01,261 --> 00:07:05,505 controlled by their desires. 76 00:07:06,466 --> 00:07:08,548 We reject those desires completely. 77 00:07:09,909 --> 00:07:13,313 My master once said 78 00:07:13,673 --> 00:07:19,799 "Do something difficult rather than something easy." 79 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:26,166 You must be able to tolerate undesirable situations. 80 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:31,451 If you're running away, you haven't overcome weakness. 81 00:07:34,174 --> 00:07:36,976 Letting go of my desires feels impossible. 82 00:07:37,737 --> 00:07:39,419 I decide to take a chance 83 00:07:39,579 --> 00:07:41,901 and talk about what's really on my mind. 84 00:07:42,222 --> 00:07:44,824 I ask him if he's ever been in love. 85 00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:53,673 I don't understand why you are asking me that question. 86 00:07:54,834 --> 00:07:56,996 I don't understand the intention. 87 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,843 I asked this monk 88 00:08:03,963 --> 00:08:06,005 if he's ever felt loss in his life. 89 00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:13,373 I don't want to talk about personal feelings. 90 00:08:14,854 --> 00:08:18,858 I want to know if he ever has any regrets. 91 00:08:23,783 --> 00:08:26,025 I don't... 92 00:08:29,269 --> 00:08:31,431 quite understand the question. 93 00:08:36,436 --> 00:08:40,200 If we keep everything in the open 94 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:45,925 people filming may misinterpret the information. 95 00:08:47,247 --> 00:08:51,050 That's why we don't show everything. 96 00:08:51,491 --> 00:08:54,934 Some aspects are kept secret 97 00:08:56,456 --> 00:08:59,179 because if you're not ready to see 98 00:09:00,260 --> 00:09:02,742 you won't understand the meaning. 99 00:09:15,235 --> 00:09:17,517 I thought that by talking to the monks, 100 00:09:17,637 --> 00:09:19,519 I could learn from their wisdom. 101 00:09:21,721 --> 00:09:24,003 But I need to find a different approach. 102 00:09:28,208 --> 00:09:31,010 I'm gonna immerse myself in Kamahori's practice 103 00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,614 and follow him on his nightly walks. 104 00:09:35,455 --> 00:09:38,017 If enlightenment is achieved through walking, 105 00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:41,581 maybe this is the best way to learn. 106 00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:54,514 I've been circling this mountain for over a month. 107 00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:57,677 And even though I walk almost every night, 108 00:11:58,037 --> 00:11:59,599 I've never seen Kamahori eat 109 00:12:00,319 --> 00:12:02,362 drink, or take a break. 110 00:12:04,043 --> 00:12:07,006 I only followed him for a fraction of the distance, 111 00:12:07,367 --> 00:12:09,409 and yet I'm the one who's exhausted. 112 00:12:12,972 --> 00:12:15,375 And no matter how much time we spend together, 113 00:12:15,495 --> 00:12:17,136 he never acknowledges me. 114 00:12:19,659 --> 00:12:21,701 With no one to talk to, I think about 115 00:12:21,821 --> 00:12:24,824 why I've spent my life running away from religion, 116 00:12:25,104 --> 00:12:26,706 and how I ended up here. 117 00:12:29,829 --> 00:12:31,350 The longer he's silent, 118 00:12:31,511 --> 00:12:33,753 the more desperate I am to talk to him. 119 00:12:37,076 --> 00:12:40,560 I search for clues as to what he's thinking or feeling. 120 00:12:41,601 --> 00:12:43,042 Though most of the time, 121 00:12:43,162 --> 00:12:45,445 I'm just staring at the back of his head. 122 00:12:55,815 --> 00:12:58,738 I was starting to feel like this was going nowhere. 123 00:12:59,459 --> 00:13:00,820 When I get some news. 124 00:13:04,624 --> 00:13:06,786 I'm invited to witness the sacred ritual 125 00:13:06,906 --> 00:13:08,548 called Gotai Tochi. 126 00:13:09,909 --> 00:13:12,231 Every monk aspiring to be like Kamahori 127 00:13:12,752 --> 00:13:14,153 must pass this test. 128 00:13:15,435 --> 00:13:18,157 The monks have never allowed outsiders into this room. 129 00:13:18,277 --> 00:13:20,760 And I can tell my presence makes them nervous. 130 00:13:22,842 --> 00:13:25,845 In honor of our founder 131 00:13:26,165 --> 00:13:31,130 a monk must cleanse his soul. 132 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:35,214 It's like a test. 133 00:13:36,696 --> 00:13:41,260 We place elbows, knees and forehead 134 00:13:41,581 --> 00:13:44,343 on the floor to show utmost respect. 135 00:13:46,065 --> 00:13:49,308 You must continue until you see Buddha 136 00:13:49,709 --> 00:13:52,552 or until you're dead. 137 00:13:52,912 --> 00:13:55,194 These are the only two options. 138 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,913 Being in this room feels oddly familiar. 139 00:14:34,914 --> 00:14:37,076 I used to pray like this when I was a kid. 140 00:14:37,236 --> 00:14:40,079 Five times a day until I felt like I was in a trance. 141 00:14:43,603 --> 00:14:46,485 My mom told me that if I missed even a single prayer, 142 00:14:46,766 --> 00:14:48,207 I'd end up in hell. 143 00:14:49,729 --> 00:14:51,531 So I prayed as much as I could. 144 00:14:52,131 --> 00:14:54,774 I pressed my head into the ground until it hurt. 145 00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:57,537 I wanted to bruise my forehead 146 00:14:57,697 --> 00:14:59,899 to prove to her that I was devoted. 147 00:15:03,623 --> 00:15:05,545 As I'm thinking about home, 148 00:15:06,425 --> 00:15:07,587 something happens. 149 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,169 - Now he's saying, don't film him. - Ah, okay. 150 00:15:39,779 --> 00:15:42,141 We're escorted out of the monastery. 151 00:15:44,984 --> 00:15:48,027 I try to apologize, but the monks are furious. 152 00:15:52,632 --> 00:15:55,074 Can I have your camera? I don't know. 153 00:15:55,234 --> 00:15:56,956 I hope we have everything. 154 00:16:00,439 --> 00:16:02,802 I could've sworn my phone was on vibrate. 155 00:16:06,205 --> 00:16:08,968 I feel like the monks were just starting to trust me. 156 00:16:09,448 --> 00:16:11,811 Now, they must think I'm a complete idiot. 157 00:16:18,738 --> 00:16:20,299 When I get to the hotel, 158 00:16:21,020 --> 00:16:22,301 I call my mom back. 159 00:16:26,906 --> 00:16:29,348 Why is it so dark in our picture? 160 00:16:31,110 --> 00:16:33,993 - Peace be upon you. - How are you? 161 00:16:34,273 --> 00:16:35,995 I'm fine, praise be to God. 162 00:16:38,037 --> 00:16:39,478 Smile a bit and show us. 163 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:44,443 Sorry. It's just been a stressful time. 164 00:16:45,885 --> 00:16:51,050 How will you sort out the monks' project? 165 00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:54,133 Yes, how will you wind it up? 166 00:16:55,254 --> 00:16:56,776 I haven't... 167 00:16:57,697 --> 00:16:59,018 figured it out. 168 00:16:59,458 --> 00:17:04,303 Well, if they're doing this, then you have to take it as a refusal. 169 00:17:04,423 --> 00:17:08,988 They are ill-mannered. First the camera... They could do anything, they are dangerous. 170 00:17:09,148 --> 00:17:12,471 You are endangering yourself by going there. 171 00:17:12,992 --> 00:17:15,955 How do they live? Do they live in the mountains? 172 00:17:16,075 --> 00:17:19,759 Daddy made a fantastic suggestion and I think he is right. 173 00:17:19,959 --> 00:17:21,280 What's Dad's suggestion? 174 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:25,404 It is unproductive labor, effort. 175 00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:29,128 You could've completed many other things during this time. 176 00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:32,371 Now leave this behind, just complete it, that's all. 177 00:17:33,292 --> 00:17:35,895 Okay, God willing, it'll be fine, don't worry. 178 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,097 Trim your mustache a little? 179 00:17:39,018 --> 00:17:42,661 - Mom, I've hat it for ten years! - Really? 180 00:17:42,942 --> 00:17:45,024 No, no, please trim it. 181 00:17:46,305 --> 00:17:49,949 Dad has a lot of theories about what makes labor productive. 182 00:17:50,549 --> 00:17:52,912 And none of them involve making this film. 183 00:17:54,794 --> 00:17:57,276 These days, we can't seem to agree on anything. 184 00:17:57,476 --> 00:17:59,198 But it wasn't always like that. 185 00:18:00,319 --> 00:18:02,081 It's hard to imagine that as a kid, 186 00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:04,924 I wanted to be just like him. 187 00:18:07,566 --> 00:18:09,208 Growing up in Saudi Arabia, 188 00:18:09,408 --> 00:18:11,170 my dream was to grow a beard 189 00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:12,812 longer than my grandfather's 190 00:18:12,932 --> 00:18:16,055 and to become the greatest religious prophet in the world. 191 00:18:16,976 --> 00:18:19,018 I idolized the Imams on TV. 192 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,341 Back then, my world was small. 193 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,466 This was my neighborhood. 194 00:18:28,748 --> 00:18:30,109 This was the countryside. 195 00:18:31,590 --> 00:18:33,632 This is where we went to the beach. 196 00:18:37,837 --> 00:18:39,839 And this is how everyone prayed. 197 00:18:42,201 --> 00:18:44,523 On my 10th birthday, my dad told me that 198 00:18:44,643 --> 00:18:46,766 God was throwing a huge fireworks display 199 00:18:46,886 --> 00:18:48,007 in my honor. 200 00:18:56,055 --> 00:18:58,978 But the truth was, the Gulf War had started. 201 00:19:00,179 --> 00:19:01,941 Afraid the violence would spread, 202 00:19:02,061 --> 00:19:04,223 my parents moved us to the other side of the world. 203 00:19:14,593 --> 00:19:17,076 We ended up in a place I'd never heard of. 204 00:19:17,276 --> 00:19:20,239 A small Irish town called Cavan. 205 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,762 Everything was different, and I loved it. 206 00:19:25,124 --> 00:19:26,846 This was my new neighborhood. 207 00:19:27,486 --> 00:19:29,128 This was the countryside. 208 00:19:29,608 --> 00:19:31,971 This was what the beach was like. 209 00:19:32,091 --> 00:19:33,933 And this is how everyone prayed. 210 00:19:34,053 --> 00:19:36,095 Bring us to everlasting life. 211 00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:38,777 Then puberty hit. 212 00:19:40,019 --> 00:19:41,300 And I changed. 213 00:19:42,421 --> 00:19:43,823 My parents changed too. 214 00:19:43,943 --> 00:19:45,264 They became scared. 215 00:19:47,226 --> 00:19:49,308 Scared that I would stray away from Islam, 216 00:19:49,428 --> 00:19:51,230 and lose my Muslim identity. 217 00:19:52,351 --> 00:19:56,075 So they enforced a religious rule for every aspect of life. 218 00:19:56,675 --> 00:19:58,958 And I was told that breaking the rules 219 00:19:59,078 --> 00:20:00,239 meant going to hell. 220 00:20:01,841 --> 00:20:04,523 Food could only be touched with my right hand. 221 00:20:05,284 --> 00:20:08,607 The bathroom, only entered with my left foot. 222 00:20:09,688 --> 00:20:10,809 Toe. 223 00:20:10,930 --> 00:20:11,930 Toe. 224 00:20:11,971 --> 00:20:13,933 You've got the wrong foot coming forward. 225 00:20:15,454 --> 00:20:17,977 Even drinking water became complicated. 226 00:20:18,297 --> 00:20:20,019 I had to sit, pray, 227 00:20:20,139 --> 00:20:21,861 and take at least 3 sips. 228 00:20:22,741 --> 00:20:24,944 Otherwise, it was considered a sin. 229 00:20:27,146 --> 00:20:30,309 My home had turned into a prison that I couldn't escape. 230 00:20:37,676 --> 00:20:39,478 That's when I started lying. 231 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,601 At first, it was small things. 232 00:20:43,202 --> 00:20:45,764 Yes, mom. I'm eating with my right hand. 233 00:20:46,525 --> 00:20:50,129 Of course. I walked into the bathroom with my left foot. 234 00:20:50,769 --> 00:20:53,732 Yep. I took three gulps of water. 235 00:21:01,540 --> 00:21:04,383 After graduating college, I ran away to America. 236 00:21:05,704 --> 00:21:08,267 I'd tell my parents what they wanted to hear. 237 00:21:08,747 --> 00:21:10,709 That I was a good Muslim boy. 238 00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:13,112 The lies grew with time. 239 00:21:14,873 --> 00:21:16,916 But now, I have a lie so big, 240 00:21:17,236 --> 00:21:19,438 that even I'm intimidated by it. 241 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,522 I've been hiding the woman I love, 242 00:21:23,642 --> 00:21:25,044 for 6 years, 243 00:21:25,724 --> 00:21:27,886 who I recently became engaged to. 244 00:21:28,687 --> 00:21:29,688 Dawn. 245 00:21:43,662 --> 00:21:45,744 This is all really confusing 246 00:21:46,665 --> 00:21:49,668 If I tell my parents the truth, I'll lose them. 247 00:21:49,949 --> 00:21:52,831 But if I do nothing, I could lose Dawn. 248 00:21:53,472 --> 00:21:55,434 And without a solution, 249 00:21:55,674 --> 00:21:57,676 I just can't face going back home. 250 00:21:59,678 --> 00:22:01,400 I need to return to the mountain. 251 00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:08,647 As crazy as it sounds, 252 00:22:09,208 --> 00:22:12,211 I still believe Kamahori can help me with all this. 253 00:22:20,379 --> 00:22:23,062 Some parts of the monastery are open to the public. 254 00:22:23,542 --> 00:22:25,184 So I do the only thing I can think of. 255 00:22:26,425 --> 00:22:27,746 I become a tourist. 256 00:22:37,796 --> 00:22:41,680 Why submit to such a strict religious practice? 257 00:22:42,281 --> 00:22:44,483 Because you can become a better person. 258 00:22:46,645 --> 00:22:50,009 Someone who is free from greed and desire. 259 00:22:50,329 --> 00:22:52,171 And can live a life of peace. 260 00:22:53,772 --> 00:22:56,975 I'm not sure what I was hoping to find by coming here. 261 00:23:02,261 --> 00:23:04,423 Before leaving, I stopped by the gift shop 262 00:23:04,543 --> 00:23:05,864 to get Dawn a postcard. 263 00:23:07,706 --> 00:23:11,430 And I'm glad I did because that's how I met Ryushin. 264 00:23:15,514 --> 00:23:18,077 I'm in charge of calligraphy writing. 265 00:23:18,677 --> 00:23:23,402 Personally, I like to move around and be outside. 266 00:23:23,642 --> 00:23:26,445 But I have to stay here for work. 267 00:23:28,047 --> 00:23:33,412 Sometimes, I don't have time to use the restroom or eat my meals. 268 00:23:34,693 --> 00:23:36,415 At first, I'm very focused. 269 00:23:37,176 --> 00:23:39,017 But after making over 100 copies 270 00:23:39,218 --> 00:23:42,261 I start to zone out. I start to become dizzy. 271 00:23:44,783 --> 00:23:46,745 I'm trying to feel this is fun. 272 00:23:49,348 --> 00:23:51,550 I don't want to say I like this work. 273 00:23:52,271 --> 00:23:55,154 But this is given by, you know... 274 00:23:55,674 --> 00:23:58,036 the main temple. It's my job, so... 275 00:23:58,477 --> 00:24:00,679 I'm trying to think this is my job. 276 00:24:01,039 --> 00:24:03,642 So, I don't want to say I don't like this, but... 277 00:24:03,842 --> 00:24:06,725 actually I don't like this. It is boring. 278 00:24:07,246 --> 00:24:09,368 Is there something else you want to do? 279 00:24:09,568 --> 00:24:10,969 Yeah, many things. 280 00:24:11,210 --> 00:24:14,173 I wanna go out, I wanna see many people. 281 00:24:14,293 --> 00:24:17,656 But I feel like I'm living in a cage. 282 00:24:21,780 --> 00:24:25,184 Ryushin tells me there's about 100 monks on the mountain. 283 00:24:25,504 --> 00:24:27,546 And that he's the lowest ranked. 284 00:24:27,906 --> 00:24:29,868 He doesn't seem like the kind of monk 285 00:24:30,068 --> 00:24:31,670 who can offer spiritual guidance 286 00:24:31,790 --> 00:24:33,392 or help solve my problems. 287 00:24:34,353 --> 00:24:35,354 But right now, 288 00:24:35,474 --> 00:24:37,996 he's my only chance to get to the monastery. 289 00:24:38,677 --> 00:24:41,320 So, I ask him if I can follow him 290 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:42,921 for the next few days. 291 00:24:55,214 --> 00:24:57,856 Ryushin explains to me that he has no influence 292 00:24:57,976 --> 00:25:00,579 and can't get me back into the monastery. 293 00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:03,382 Even though his father and grandfather 294 00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:04,743 are also monks, 295 00:25:05,264 --> 00:25:07,146 he says he feels like an outsider. 296 00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:11,310 He is the only monk who will talk to me, and I sense that 297 00:25:11,430 --> 00:25:14,032 I'm the only person who will listen to him. 298 00:25:14,433 --> 00:25:16,795 If the monastery finds out that we're together, 299 00:25:17,636 --> 00:25:19,518 Ryushin could be in trouble. 300 00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:22,761 But he's eager to tell me his story, so... 301 00:25:23,001 --> 00:25:25,003 we continue to meet in secret. 302 00:25:38,497 --> 00:25:40,779 I became a monk 10 years ago. 303 00:25:41,660 --> 00:25:45,544 Before I became a monk I worked at a security company. 304 00:25:46,385 --> 00:25:49,308 I built up stress from work 305 00:25:50,269 --> 00:25:52,311 and had a breakup with my girlfriend. 306 00:25:53,151 --> 00:25:54,473 I was lost. 307 00:25:56,034 --> 00:25:58,277 I was suffering so much mentally. 308 00:26:00,479 --> 00:26:02,321 I thought about killing myself. 309 00:26:02,761 --> 00:26:05,484 I tried to commit suicide but couldn't do it. 310 00:26:07,045 --> 00:26:13,091 I tried listening to piano and relaxation music to cope. 311 00:26:14,092 --> 00:26:16,975 Things like the sound of a river and birds chirping. 312 00:26:17,616 --> 00:26:19,258 It didn't work for me at all. 313 00:26:26,825 --> 00:26:29,948 Heavy metal represents my crying heart. 314 00:26:30,869 --> 00:26:33,232 I had never listened to anything like it. 315 00:26:33,992 --> 00:26:36,595 I don't know how to explain it. 316 00:26:37,115 --> 00:26:42,120 Depression makes you feel down. 317 00:26:42,401 --> 00:26:44,443 But you're accumulating so much energy. 318 00:26:44,603 --> 00:26:47,005 The explosion of that energy is metal music. 319 00:26:47,846 --> 00:26:49,288 My favorites are Slipknot. 320 00:26:52,571 --> 00:26:53,652 Slayer. 321 00:26:57,456 --> 00:26:58,777 Megadeth. 322 00:27:25,003 --> 00:27:26,485 I'm home. 323 00:27:27,606 --> 00:27:30,369 - They want to film us talking. - You and me? - Yes. 324 00:27:34,533 --> 00:27:36,455 - Where is he from? - From the US. 325 00:27:41,740 --> 00:27:44,783 Ryushin lives with his grandparents by the mountain. 326 00:27:45,344 --> 00:27:49,628 His grandfather has Alzheimer's now, but was one of the most powerful monks 327 00:27:49,748 --> 00:27:50,748 at the monastery. 328 00:27:51,189 --> 00:27:52,751 Now that he's retired, 329 00:27:52,871 --> 00:27:55,354 Ryushin is the last remaining monk in the family. 330 00:27:55,514 --> 00:27:58,477 And he's expected to take over the family temple. 331 00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:02,961 Do you want to chant with me? 332 00:28:03,922 --> 00:28:06,565 Why don't you pray with me? 333 00:28:06,885 --> 00:28:08,567 Let's do it together. 334 00:28:08,927 --> 00:28:11,410 - Can you move forward? - Sit in the front? 335 00:28:12,010 --> 00:28:13,051 Excuse me. 336 00:28:13,211 --> 00:28:14,333 Thank you. 337 00:28:26,224 --> 00:28:29,107 Before I became a monk asked my grandfather, 338 00:28:29,227 --> 00:28:31,910 "What should I do with my life?" 339 00:28:33,832 --> 00:28:37,876 He said, "You understand pain and suffering." 340 00:28:40,359 --> 00:28:42,761 "So, go be a monk." 341 00:28:56,775 --> 00:29:00,258 Every Friday in Saudi Arabia, my dad and I would pray together. 342 00:29:01,540 --> 00:29:04,062 Prayer time was announced by the local mosques, 343 00:29:04,262 --> 00:29:06,865 and the sound could be heard all over the city. 344 00:29:08,106 --> 00:29:10,789 But in Ireland, there were no mosques at all. 345 00:29:11,390 --> 00:29:13,271 So, my mom bought her own mosque. 346 00:29:14,433 --> 00:29:15,434 Well... 347 00:29:15,674 --> 00:29:19,197 it was a clock designed to go off at each prayer time. 348 00:29:25,243 --> 00:29:26,725 But the clock was broken 349 00:29:27,045 --> 00:29:29,207 and started going off all the time. 350 00:29:29,608 --> 00:29:32,130 Sometimes in the middle of the night. 351 00:29:36,975 --> 00:29:39,177 When my sisters and I protested, 352 00:29:39,618 --> 00:29:42,260 mom explained that God broke the clock. 353 00:29:43,061 --> 00:29:45,143 That it was all part of his divine plan 354 00:29:45,263 --> 00:29:47,946 for us to pray at these random hours. 355 00:29:49,508 --> 00:29:52,310 Once I left home, I stopped praying. 356 00:29:52,991 --> 00:29:56,074 I would lie and say that I pray all the time. 357 00:30:00,439 --> 00:30:02,681 Every day I call the monastery to ask 358 00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:03,962 if I can return. 359 00:30:04,082 --> 00:30:07,285 And each time they tell me, they're still discussing it. 360 00:30:11,770 --> 00:30:12,971 To pass time, 361 00:30:13,091 --> 00:30:14,973 Ryushin gives me a tour of Kyoto. 362 00:30:15,654 --> 00:30:17,896 He shows me some of his favorite spots. 363 00:30:18,136 --> 00:30:21,099 And I learn that we have a shared religion. 364 00:31:03,221 --> 00:31:06,144 If you could be a desert, what desert would you be? 365 00:31:07,906 --> 00:31:08,987 Maybe... 366 00:31:15,634 --> 00:31:18,156 I can't remember... but I like it. 367 00:31:18,797 --> 00:31:19,958 I love it. 368 00:31:24,082 --> 00:31:26,925 - It's creme something... - Crème brulée. 369 00:31:27,085 --> 00:31:28,527 Yeah! Crème brulée. 370 00:31:28,727 --> 00:31:31,209 - You'd be a crème brulée? - I want to be like that. 371 00:31:31,329 --> 00:31:33,171 - Why? - Because I love it. 372 00:31:34,533 --> 00:31:36,575 Don't you think? It's really good. 373 00:31:37,175 --> 00:31:40,539 And with vanilla ice cream on it it's beautiful. 374 00:31:42,901 --> 00:31:44,262 Crème buhlay... 375 00:31:44,382 --> 00:31:47,666 We say crème buhlay Crème brulée. 376 00:31:47,826 --> 00:31:48,827 Buhlay. 377 00:31:57,515 --> 00:32:00,158 A few days later, the monastery calls. 378 00:32:00,639 --> 00:32:02,400 The monks have made their decision 379 00:32:02,561 --> 00:32:04,162 and they're inviting me back. 380 00:32:11,770 --> 00:32:13,531 No one mentions the phone debacle. 381 00:32:13,652 --> 00:32:15,894 But this time, things feel different. 382 00:32:21,379 --> 00:32:22,540 I'm assigned a minder 383 00:32:22,661 --> 00:32:24,262 who gives me a detailed list 384 00:32:24,382 --> 00:32:26,264 of what I'm allowed to film. 385 00:32:30,548 --> 00:32:32,350 The biggest news is that Kamahori 386 00:32:32,470 --> 00:32:34,272 is now able to speak to me. 387 00:32:36,595 --> 00:32:39,477 But first, I have to attend a class 388 00:32:39,638 --> 00:32:40,959 on Buddhist manners. 389 00:32:42,761 --> 00:32:44,442 It feels like I'm being tested. 390 00:32:44,562 --> 00:32:50,609 We'll teach you the Buddhist way of eating. 391 00:32:50,849 --> 00:32:55,573 We'd like to break your bad habits. 392 00:32:55,694 --> 00:32:58,697 Please hold a bowl when you eat. 393 00:32:58,977 --> 00:33:01,139 You don't drink soup like a dog. 394 00:33:01,259 --> 00:33:04,222 Every meal comes with two pickles. 395 00:33:05,103 --> 00:33:11,830 After eating your meal, you can eat one pickle. 396 00:33:11,950 --> 00:33:14,713 You leave one pickle in the smallest bowl. 397 00:33:14,833 --> 00:33:17,636 You'll be strictly following the rules. 398 00:33:19,197 --> 00:33:21,399 I'd probably eat both pickles 399 00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:23,481 because I have no self control. 400 00:33:24,763 --> 00:33:26,925 The question I keep thinking about is 401 00:33:27,045 --> 00:33:29,207 do I have to make all the sacrifices 402 00:33:29,728 --> 00:33:31,049 to be a good Muslim. 403 00:33:34,092 --> 00:33:36,494 The next ritual I'm told to film shows how far 404 00:33:36,655 --> 00:33:39,297 some of the monks are willing to go for their faith. 405 00:34:48,406 --> 00:34:49,888 Once the door is shut, 406 00:34:50,128 --> 00:34:52,731 they'll be in complete darkness for 3 months. 407 00:34:53,691 --> 00:34:55,493 I want to know what they do all day. 408 00:34:55,894 --> 00:34:58,136 So I asked their master to demonstrate. 409 00:35:07,425 --> 00:35:10,148 As a kid, I was forced to memorize the Quran. 410 00:35:11,750 --> 00:35:13,872 I'd have to chant for hours on end. 411 00:35:14,192 --> 00:35:16,194 Nobody told me what the words meant 412 00:35:16,434 --> 00:35:17,876 or why we repeated them. 413 00:35:18,797 --> 00:35:20,919 And I was never allowed to question it. 414 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:23,962 We chant like this endlessly. 415 00:35:25,964 --> 00:35:30,008 - So it's only "Namu Amida Butsu"? - Yes. 416 00:35:30,208 --> 00:35:32,570 I thought the chant was 417 00:35:33,411 --> 00:35:37,295 followed by some other words. 418 00:35:37,535 --> 00:35:40,458 I just keep chanting the same phrase. 419 00:35:41,820 --> 00:35:43,181 Endlessly. 420 00:35:44,342 --> 00:35:46,304 That's how it goes. 421 00:35:50,508 --> 00:35:53,111 My next meeting is with a high-ranking monk. 422 00:35:53,551 --> 00:35:56,634 But instead of talking about enlightenment, I ask him 423 00:35:57,075 --> 00:35:59,517 if anyone here ever questions their faith? 424 00:36:00,839 --> 00:36:08,839 I came to Mount Hiei and became my master's disciple 425 00:36:15,253 --> 00:36:18,416 47 or 48 years ago. 426 00:36:18,937 --> 00:36:24,863 I will never forget what my master told me. 427 00:36:25,543 --> 00:36:27,425 He said, "Crows are white." 428 00:36:28,786 --> 00:36:30,788 It was shocking. 429 00:36:31,269 --> 00:36:36,634 Even when our master made a false statement 430 00:36:36,955 --> 00:36:39,797 we weren't allowed to tell him that he was wrong. 431 00:36:39,998 --> 00:36:44,002 We were only allowed to respond "yes." 432 00:36:50,368 --> 00:36:54,412 During the training, do people really not sleep for 90 days? 433 00:36:55,133 --> 00:36:58,296 They can sleep because no one is watching them. 434 00:36:59,657 --> 00:37:03,061 We officially say we don't sleep for 90 days. 435 00:37:04,863 --> 00:37:07,345 But everybody knows that as a human being... 436 00:37:07,545 --> 00:37:09,187 - Of course. - You would die. 437 00:37:11,429 --> 00:37:14,312 - Did you do that practice? - Yeah, I did it. 438 00:37:15,833 --> 00:37:18,516 I slept eight hours a day. 439 00:37:20,718 --> 00:37:22,280 I was so sleepy. 440 00:37:26,444 --> 00:37:29,928 For several weeks, I've been asking to rejoin Kamahori. 441 00:37:30,088 --> 00:37:32,250 But the monks say, I'm not ready. 442 00:37:34,172 --> 00:37:36,334 They take me from temple to temple. 443 00:37:36,454 --> 00:37:38,496 And I film whatever I'm told to. 444 00:37:40,538 --> 00:37:43,181 Some days, it's a monk in front of a tree. 445 00:37:44,622 --> 00:37:48,026 Other days, it's a lecture into 3,000 realities 446 00:37:48,146 --> 00:37:50,348 in a single moment of consciousness. 447 00:37:51,229 --> 00:37:52,350 And sometimes, 448 00:37:54,192 --> 00:37:56,074 It's just a monk making some toast. 449 00:38:03,962 --> 00:38:06,925 - We can try and go meet him. - That's amazing. 450 00:38:07,405 --> 00:38:10,168 I've done everything the monks have asked me to do. 451 00:38:10,368 --> 00:38:14,052 And I'm finally given the green light to follow Kamahori again. 452 00:38:31,349 --> 00:38:34,152 A Muslim follows a Buddhist monk up a mountain. 453 00:38:34,272 --> 00:38:36,514 It may sound like the start of a bad joke. 454 00:38:37,275 --> 00:38:38,756 But this is my life now. 455 00:38:43,001 --> 00:38:46,044 I've never really felt comfortable talking to an Imam. 456 00:38:46,724 --> 00:38:49,007 My own religion just brings up too much fear 457 00:38:49,127 --> 00:38:50,488 of judgment and guilt. 458 00:38:52,570 --> 00:38:54,812 I thought by coming here it would be easier 459 00:38:54,973 --> 00:38:57,255 to talk to someone outside my faith. 460 00:38:58,216 --> 00:38:59,737 But I'm beginning to realize 461 00:39:00,218 --> 00:39:02,820 I might have made things even harder on myself. 462 00:39:13,071 --> 00:39:15,153 Kamahori makes it seem so effortless. 463 00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:18,036 But trying to keep up with him is embarrassing. 464 00:39:20,198 --> 00:39:22,360 My crew has been dragging heavy equipment 465 00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:24,522 up and down this mountain for weeks. 466 00:39:26,044 --> 00:39:29,087 Everyone's exhausted and getting on each other's nerves. 467 00:40:00,598 --> 00:40:04,242 The monks tell me that I'll be able to speak to Kamahori soon. 468 00:40:04,602 --> 00:40:06,284 So I show up every night 469 00:40:06,924 --> 00:40:09,767 I hope they're starting to see how committed I am. 470 00:40:17,295 --> 00:40:19,217 Hey! Stop that! 471 00:40:19,337 --> 00:40:21,459 - What's wrong? - Are you playing around? 472 00:40:21,659 --> 00:40:24,262 With your light from behind he can't see his steps. 473 00:40:25,183 --> 00:40:26,304 Try it. 474 00:40:26,584 --> 00:40:28,386 Do it yourself and turn around. 475 00:40:30,148 --> 00:40:32,550 Can you see your feet? 476 00:40:33,711 --> 00:40:35,793 - Can you? - I don't know how else to film. 477 00:40:36,033 --> 00:40:38,636 It's dangerous not to be able to see your feet. 478 00:40:39,237 --> 00:40:43,721 We were told that we can light it from behind. 479 00:40:43,961 --> 00:40:45,483 Who said that? 480 00:40:45,963 --> 00:40:47,805 I understand, but please don't get mad. 481 00:40:49,207 --> 00:40:52,530 I will get mad. The practitioner is risking his life. 482 00:40:55,853 --> 00:40:58,896 Nothing feels worse than being yelled at by a monk. 483 00:41:01,179 --> 00:41:03,621 We're kicked out again, and told to never return. 484 00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:24,962 I spend the night walking around in circles 485 00:41:25,123 --> 00:41:27,245 replaying the argument in my head. 486 00:41:28,286 --> 00:41:30,368 The monks are really confusing to me. 487 00:41:30,488 --> 00:41:32,770 Nobody told us we couldn't use a light. 488 00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:40,738 When I get back to the hotel, it hits me. 489 00:41:41,018 --> 00:41:42,540 I failed our test. 490 00:41:46,864 --> 00:41:49,707 The next day Ryushin sneaks me into the monastery. 491 00:41:50,148 --> 00:41:52,190 I tell him what happened, and I ask him 492 00:41:52,350 --> 00:41:55,473 If I'm a fool, or if all monks are this strict. 493 00:41:55,953 --> 00:41:57,034 In here? 494 00:41:57,435 --> 00:41:58,956 Not all of the people... 495 00:41:59,597 --> 00:42:02,039 Not all of the monks in Japan. 496 00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:03,721 It's just the monks in here. 497 00:42:04,402 --> 00:42:07,485 Because I feel like... coldness. 498 00:42:08,886 --> 00:42:13,130 You know, I feel coldness when speaking to monks in here. 499 00:42:14,532 --> 00:42:15,573 Or... 500 00:42:16,133 --> 00:42:19,777 I don't feel mercy, I don't feel... 501 00:42:24,702 --> 00:42:25,943 compassion. 502 00:42:30,668 --> 00:42:32,310 Welcome to Depression Room. 503 00:42:33,751 --> 00:42:35,913 Okay, you can come inside. Please. 504 00:42:41,599 --> 00:42:43,000 I tell Ryushin 505 00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:45,563 that I didn't come here just to talk about monks. 506 00:42:45,683 --> 00:42:48,246 I needed advice on some more personal issues 507 00:42:48,366 --> 00:42:49,767 on my mind recently. 508 00:42:56,173 --> 00:42:57,695 So, my parents don't know 509 00:42:58,055 --> 00:43:00,578 that I'm marrying someone outside my faith. 510 00:43:01,339 --> 00:43:03,661 I think it would completely crush them. 511 00:43:06,584 --> 00:43:08,506 Do you have any advice for me? 512 00:43:08,706 --> 00:43:09,867 I don't think so. 513 00:43:12,630 --> 00:43:15,473 I don't know. I don't have any clue. 514 00:43:24,402 --> 00:43:26,244 I just stay here and pick up the phone 515 00:43:26,364 --> 00:43:28,085 when someone calls this temple. 516 00:43:28,246 --> 00:43:31,609 Sometimes they ask at what time the temple opens, 517 00:43:31,729 --> 00:43:34,732 at what time the temple closes, or sometimes... 518 00:43:35,253 --> 00:43:38,896 "Please say hello to Buddha." 519 00:43:39,857 --> 00:43:41,419 So I just say, "Okay", 520 00:43:42,139 --> 00:43:44,862 your wish has come true." Or something like that. 521 00:43:45,303 --> 00:43:47,625 I have to pick up the phone. But I don't want to. 522 00:43:47,745 --> 00:43:51,469 Because if I take it they always, like, cry... 523 00:43:51,629 --> 00:43:53,711 They ask me questions like, "What is life?" 524 00:43:53,831 --> 00:43:55,793 Or, "What is the meaning of the planet?" 525 00:43:55,905 --> 00:43:58,908 I just listen to them. Then I say, "Okay, yes." 526 00:43:59,036 --> 00:44:00,758 "Okay, okay, bye." 527 00:44:01,919 --> 00:44:04,121 Why did you even become a monk? 528 00:44:04,522 --> 00:44:08,286 I just wanted to do the same things that the ancient people did. 529 00:44:09,006 --> 00:44:11,609 I think the main reason why I chose to be a monk 530 00:44:11,729 --> 00:44:14,251 is that I wanted to help someone. 531 00:44:14,772 --> 00:44:16,934 Will you be able to help me some day? 532 00:44:17,134 --> 00:44:19,657 I think so, yeah. In the future, I think. 533 00:44:20,137 --> 00:44:22,620 I should do because I'm a monk. 534 00:44:23,821 --> 00:44:26,504 I told Ahsen a million times that 535 00:44:27,665 --> 00:44:30,868 filming my life is not funny. 536 00:44:32,830 --> 00:44:35,192 I don't think my life is interesting. 537 00:44:36,634 --> 00:44:39,717 Because I'm not funny. I'm not enjoying my life. 538 00:44:41,399 --> 00:44:45,603 I want to change something but I don't think I can do it soon. 539 00:44:53,611 --> 00:44:55,613 Why would you be staying any longer? 540 00:44:56,454 --> 00:44:59,337 Because I have no movie without it. 541 00:44:59,537 --> 00:45:01,298 I have to do something. 542 00:45:02,420 --> 00:45:04,061 Okay, well... 543 00:45:05,182 --> 00:45:06,664 Are you... 544 00:45:07,064 --> 00:45:09,667 Are you still planning to talk to your parents? 545 00:45:10,147 --> 00:45:11,949 Invite them to the wedding? 546 00:45:13,711 --> 00:45:15,593 I... Yes, of course. 547 00:45:17,034 --> 00:45:18,716 Okay, are you sure? 548 00:45:20,558 --> 00:45:22,520 Yeah, look, I promise you. 549 00:45:23,921 --> 00:45:25,963 I'm going to call my mom tomorrow. 550 00:45:29,607 --> 00:45:31,849 Telling my parents I'm getting married 551 00:45:31,969 --> 00:45:33,771 isn't as simple as it sounds. 552 00:45:36,654 --> 00:45:38,496 They're from another world. 553 00:45:39,937 --> 00:45:42,380 My parents got married 40 years ago 554 00:45:42,620 --> 00:45:44,582 in a tiny village in Pakistan. 555 00:45:46,263 --> 00:45:47,945 My mom was 18 years old, 556 00:45:48,706 --> 00:45:51,148 and she'd never been alone with a man in her life. 557 00:45:53,391 --> 00:45:55,593 In their village, men and women 558 00:45:55,713 --> 00:45:58,115 weren't even allowed to be in the same room. 559 00:45:58,916 --> 00:46:01,679 And people caught having sex outside of marriage 560 00:46:01,799 --> 00:46:03,360 could be stoned to death. 561 00:46:06,003 --> 00:46:08,686 For them, relationships with the opposite sex 562 00:46:09,006 --> 00:46:10,448 only happened in marriage. 563 00:46:11,008 --> 00:46:13,891 And marriage only happens with other Muslims. 564 00:46:15,052 --> 00:46:16,894 And Dawn is not a Muslim. 565 00:46:18,135 --> 00:46:19,777 So, I lie. 566 00:46:20,978 --> 00:46:22,460 Can you see my picture? 567 00:46:23,501 --> 00:46:25,583 No, I can't see you. 568 00:46:26,704 --> 00:46:29,146 Mon, if I... 569 00:46:29,707 --> 00:46:32,149 What would you do... 570 00:46:34,792 --> 00:46:38,516 if I met a woman who wasn't Muslim? 571 00:46:40,317 --> 00:46:41,999 What would you think? 572 00:46:42,199 --> 00:46:47,805 The Prophet said people marry for three reasons. 573 00:46:48,005 --> 00:46:50,007 A woman's health, 574 00:46:50,127 --> 00:46:51,769 her beauty 575 00:46:51,889 --> 00:46:54,411 or her religion. 576 00:46:54,932 --> 00:46:57,695 So you should marry a religious woman. 577 00:46:58,095 --> 00:47:02,139 But I don't want to marry just for religion. 578 00:47:03,781 --> 00:47:06,504 I want to meet 579 00:47:06,744 --> 00:47:08,305 someone I love. 580 00:47:08,906 --> 00:47:14,031 And her religion makes no difference to you? 581 00:47:16,554 --> 00:47:19,316 I feel regret and sadness. 582 00:47:19,477 --> 00:47:22,439 But you will only understand this when you read the Quran. 583 00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:24,321 This is our manual. 584 00:47:25,523 --> 00:47:26,884 Given to us by God. 585 00:47:29,326 --> 00:47:31,008 God willing. 586 00:47:46,944 --> 00:47:50,027 There's a sutra that monks shouldn't listen to music. 587 00:47:52,109 --> 00:47:55,392 They will ban me. Kick me out of the temple. 588 00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:57,795 But I don't want to deny myself. 589 00:47:58,996 --> 00:48:00,558 I just want to be happy. 590 00:48:00,998 --> 00:48:03,521 I want to have a happy life, that's all. 591 00:48:19,056 --> 00:48:22,940 It's about loving someone so much you love them to death. 592 00:49:02,580 --> 00:49:04,622 This is where my microphone breaks. 593 00:49:04,982 --> 00:49:08,225 But I don't care because for the first time on this trip, 594 00:49:08,345 --> 00:49:10,147 I'd forget about my problems. 595 00:49:10,588 --> 00:49:13,310 And I realize that I've made a friend. 596 00:49:43,140 --> 00:49:45,222 What are you doing there Ryushin? 597 00:49:45,462 --> 00:49:46,984 I'm searching Amazon. 598 00:49:47,304 --> 00:49:48,746 For the iPad? 599 00:49:49,506 --> 00:49:50,788 The accessories. 600 00:49:52,309 --> 00:49:54,271 - Why do you want an iPad? - Sorry? 601 00:49:54,431 --> 00:49:55,913 Why do you want an iPad? 602 00:49:56,674 --> 00:49:58,595 No reason, I just want it. 603 00:49:59,677 --> 00:50:01,118 Play a video game? 604 00:50:01,358 --> 00:50:04,201 No. Just an iPad, I want it. 605 00:50:05,282 --> 00:50:06,483 You desire it. 606 00:50:08,686 --> 00:50:10,087 I'm desire monk. 607 00:50:19,496 --> 00:50:20,938 What are you looking at? 608 00:50:21,458 --> 00:50:24,501 I'm looking up New Zealand pictures. 609 00:50:24,902 --> 00:50:27,024 Because I want to be a farmer. 610 00:50:28,385 --> 00:50:32,189 In the future, in New Zealand. Like a sheep farmer. 611 00:50:34,391 --> 00:50:35,472 Sheep. 612 00:50:36,073 --> 00:50:37,354 Why a sheep farmer? 613 00:50:37,474 --> 00:50:40,718 Well, it looks peaceful... 614 00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:44,001 and silent. 615 00:50:44,641 --> 00:50:48,165 You don't have to think about so many things, that's all. 616 00:50:48,645 --> 00:50:50,007 And I love New Zealand. 617 00:50:50,167 --> 00:50:52,089 I love the life in New Zealand. 618 00:50:52,209 --> 00:50:53,771 So I want to go back. 619 00:50:55,572 --> 00:50:56,854 That's the reason. 620 00:50:58,896 --> 00:51:02,740 Ryushin tells me that he spent a year studying abroad in New Zealand. 621 00:51:03,100 --> 00:51:05,743 It's where he learned English, discovered heavy metal, 622 00:51:05,863 --> 00:51:07,424 and fell in love with sheep. 623 00:51:09,226 --> 00:51:11,949 And for the first time in his life, he felt free. 624 00:51:13,791 --> 00:51:16,553 He planned on living there, but his father demanded 625 00:51:16,714 --> 00:51:19,436 that he return home to take care of the family temple. 626 00:51:21,598 --> 00:51:24,762 He doesn't know it yet, but I have a surprise for him. 627 00:51:51,869 --> 00:51:52,870 Sit. 628 00:51:52,990 --> 00:51:53,990 Sit. 629 00:51:54,071 --> 00:51:55,071 Sit. 630 00:52:10,207 --> 00:52:11,328 Oh, my God! 631 00:52:16,613 --> 00:52:18,936 - This sheep likes to jump. - This sheep? 632 00:52:21,178 --> 00:52:24,461 - The sheep are not gonna hurt you at all. - I know. 633 00:52:24,862 --> 00:52:27,504 You are the master of the sheep, remember. 634 00:52:30,587 --> 00:52:32,309 I told you I don't have anything. 635 00:52:36,753 --> 00:52:38,876 It turns out that until today, 636 00:52:38,996 --> 00:52:41,438 Ryushin had never seen sheep in real life. 637 00:52:42,840 --> 00:52:44,281 It was all just a fantasy. 638 00:52:46,844 --> 00:52:48,685 - Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm okay. 639 00:52:55,532 --> 00:52:57,935 Like Ryushin's dream of living among sheep, 640 00:52:58,215 --> 00:53:01,098 I'm starting to think that finding answers at a monastery 641 00:53:01,218 --> 00:53:02,579 is also a fantasy. 642 00:53:06,904 --> 00:53:09,386 I need to get back to my life in Los Angeles. 643 00:53:10,347 --> 00:53:11,909 I'm getting married soon, 644 00:53:12,029 --> 00:53:15,032 and I can't wait around hoping the monks will forgive me. 645 00:53:16,313 --> 00:53:19,556 Before leaving, Ryushin throws me a farewell party. 646 00:53:24,161 --> 00:53:27,404 I bought this table and the grill 647 00:53:27,524 --> 00:53:31,488 one week ago for tonight. 648 00:53:32,970 --> 00:53:34,972 And I'm so excited to use a new one. 649 00:53:35,412 --> 00:53:36,693 Delicious sake. 650 00:53:38,375 --> 00:53:40,617 I bought it in Yamagata. 651 00:53:42,379 --> 00:53:43,500 Sake. 652 00:53:44,141 --> 00:53:46,263 Do monks usually drink? 653 00:53:47,384 --> 00:53:50,467 I think we are not supposed to drink alcohol. 654 00:53:50,988 --> 00:53:54,351 It's kind of against the law, the Buddhist way. 655 00:53:54,872 --> 00:53:56,593 I know I shouldn't drink. 656 00:53:57,474 --> 00:53:58,996 As a monk. 657 00:53:59,676 --> 00:54:02,719 What would monks say if they found out you are drinking? 658 00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:04,641 "Abandoned." 659 00:54:05,202 --> 00:54:08,205 They'll punish me, I don't know. But they can't punish me 660 00:54:08,886 --> 00:54:10,487 because I know they drink. 661 00:54:14,051 --> 00:54:15,612 Watching a vegetarian monk 662 00:54:15,732 --> 00:54:18,175 devour 5 pounds of steak and get drunk 663 00:54:18,575 --> 00:54:20,297 makes me a little envious. 664 00:54:20,938 --> 00:54:24,701 Unlike me, Ryushin's comfortable living with his contradictions. 665 00:54:32,349 --> 00:54:34,111 You want some? 666 00:54:40,477 --> 00:54:43,520 - Do you drink often? - I don't drink anymore. 667 00:54:44,001 --> 00:54:45,122 Why not? 668 00:54:46,563 --> 00:54:48,405 Partly because of Islam. 669 00:54:51,088 --> 00:54:53,170 I had a health scare, like, two years ago. 670 00:54:54,131 --> 00:54:55,412 And then I started... 671 00:54:57,094 --> 00:54:58,495 I was afraid of dying. 672 00:54:59,456 --> 00:55:00,817 Everyone dies. 673 00:55:02,299 --> 00:55:03,700 Are you afraid of death? 674 00:55:04,901 --> 00:55:06,343 Well, I want to die. 675 00:55:09,226 --> 00:55:11,188 I'm in so much pain. 676 00:55:12,149 --> 00:55:15,953 I know that many people are in more pain than me. 677 00:55:17,114 --> 00:55:19,796 But I think I enjoyed my life already. 678 00:55:19,997 --> 00:55:24,121 So, it's okay, you know, if someone shoots me. 679 00:55:24,761 --> 00:55:27,204 If a stone comes out of the air... 680 00:55:28,165 --> 00:55:30,247 that's okay, I have no regrets. 681 00:55:31,208 --> 00:55:34,051 - I think about death every morning I wake. - Do you? 682 00:55:35,052 --> 00:55:36,813 It's the first thing I... 683 00:55:38,415 --> 00:55:42,819 He thinks about death every morning 684 00:55:43,380 --> 00:55:44,661 when he wakes up. 685 00:55:45,422 --> 00:55:46,783 Really? 686 00:55:47,424 --> 00:55:48,945 He's afraid of dying. 687 00:55:50,667 --> 00:55:52,229 He was raised a Muslim. 688 00:55:53,070 --> 00:55:54,391 I see. 689 00:55:54,511 --> 00:55:56,953 - Is he Muslim? - Yes, he is. 690 00:55:57,674 --> 00:56:01,478 But he doesn't pray five times a day. He feels guilty. 691 00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:06,163 You know, I still haven't told my parents about Dawn. 692 00:56:06,283 --> 00:56:07,484 No? 693 00:56:07,804 --> 00:56:09,246 Oh yeah, I knew that. 694 00:56:09,846 --> 00:56:11,368 Who cares? It's okay. 695 00:56:13,650 --> 00:56:16,613 If you go to hell, I will go to hell to help you. 696 00:56:16,893 --> 00:56:17,974 Don't worry. 697 00:56:18,495 --> 00:56:20,137 I'll ask my Buddha. 698 00:56:20,897 --> 00:56:25,142 "There's Ahsen Nadeem, he's going to hell." 699 00:56:25,342 --> 00:56:26,863 "Would you mind helping him?" 700 00:56:27,064 --> 00:56:28,265 He will help you 701 00:56:28,785 --> 00:56:30,627 because you've got a kind... 702 00:56:31,108 --> 00:56:33,110 Let's hope we both don't go to hell. 703 00:56:49,726 --> 00:56:53,009 Hello, and welcome to the wedding of Dawn and Ahsen. 704 00:56:53,370 --> 00:56:55,652 You are the most important people to them. 705 00:56:56,093 --> 00:56:58,495 And so, to have you here witness their marriage 706 00:56:58,615 --> 00:56:59,816 is a great gift. 707 00:57:16,433 --> 00:57:18,675 As soon as the Imam started singing, 708 00:57:18,795 --> 00:57:20,277 I recognized the prayer. 709 00:57:21,438 --> 00:57:23,760 My mom used to recite it when I was a kid. 710 00:57:24,201 --> 00:57:27,484 And it's the first time I've heard it since leaving home. 711 00:57:30,807 --> 00:57:33,290 Oh god, bless Dawn and Ahsen 712 00:57:33,450 --> 00:57:38,175 with faith, love and happiness in this world and the next. 713 00:57:42,379 --> 00:57:46,103 Bless this couple with the strength to forgive each other's shortcomings. 714 00:57:46,263 --> 00:57:47,304 Amen. 715 00:57:48,505 --> 00:57:51,828 Now I pronounce you husband and wife. 716 00:59:10,146 --> 00:59:11,508 3 years went by. 717 00:59:11,628 --> 00:59:14,271 And I never told my parents that I got married. 718 00:59:19,316 --> 00:59:21,358 Dawn pretended it wasn't an issue. 719 00:59:21,638 --> 00:59:23,520 And I was happy not to bring it up. 720 00:59:24,921 --> 00:59:28,285 But it was getting harder and harder to keep up the facade. 721 00:59:28,965 --> 00:59:32,809 I had to maintain elaborate systems to keep my wife a secret. 722 00:59:36,092 --> 00:59:38,415 I blocked my relatives from social media. 723 00:59:38,535 --> 00:59:40,537 I created separate email accounts. 724 00:59:40,657 --> 00:59:42,619 And I even kept two phones. 725 00:59:42,979 --> 00:59:45,502 One for my life, and the other for my parents. 726 00:59:47,023 --> 00:59:49,866 The shame of doing all this in front of Dawn grew. 727 00:59:50,787 --> 00:59:53,630 And it started to take a toll on our relationship. 728 01:00:01,278 --> 01:00:03,640 I'd given up on trying to tell my parents. 729 01:00:03,960 --> 01:00:05,642 I'd given up on the movie. 730 01:00:06,002 --> 01:00:07,644 And I'd given up on myself. 731 01:00:08,525 --> 01:00:09,686 I was lost. 732 01:00:12,329 --> 01:00:15,211 There was only one person I thought might understand. 733 01:00:15,652 --> 01:00:18,335 My only connection to the monastery was Ryushin. 734 01:00:18,855 --> 01:00:20,417 We hadn't talked in years. 735 01:00:20,657 --> 01:00:23,980 But his tweets brought news of all the important spiritual issues 736 01:00:24,100 --> 01:00:25,101 on the mountain. 737 01:00:45,642 --> 01:00:46,642 Hello. 738 01:00:46,683 --> 01:00:47,924 Moshi moshi. 739 01:00:51,408 --> 01:00:52,729 What happened to you? 740 01:00:53,370 --> 01:00:54,691 After so many years, 741 01:00:55,292 --> 01:00:57,414 it feels great to catch up with Ryushin. 742 01:00:57,894 --> 01:01:01,698 Dawn and I are now married for 3 years now. 743 01:01:02,138 --> 01:01:03,138 And... 744 01:01:04,421 --> 01:01:05,862 I still haven't... 745 01:01:06,983 --> 01:01:08,184 told my parents. 746 01:01:09,746 --> 01:01:10,987 You haven't yet? 747 01:01:11,147 --> 01:01:12,188 No. 748 01:01:12,349 --> 01:01:14,030 Oh. I see. 749 01:01:18,274 --> 01:01:19,916 It's an earthquake happening here. 750 01:01:20,036 --> 01:01:21,077 Oh! 751 01:01:28,164 --> 01:01:30,206 It's okay. It's okay. 752 01:01:32,288 --> 01:01:34,050 I didn't want you to die. 753 01:01:35,332 --> 01:01:38,615 You know, life is not long. Life is really short. 754 01:01:39,015 --> 01:01:41,978 If you don't deal with a problem in this life 755 01:01:42,298 --> 01:01:45,582 that problem will be delayed into the next life. 756 01:01:51,468 --> 01:01:54,150 How can I say? I haven't spoken English in years. 757 01:01:54,711 --> 01:01:56,112 So I can't speak well. 758 01:01:56,312 --> 01:01:57,754 You speak great English. 759 01:01:58,395 --> 01:02:00,637 I've never seen Ryushin so monk-like. 760 01:02:00,757 --> 01:02:03,039 He tells me that his life is transformed 761 01:02:03,159 --> 01:02:05,201 after witnessing Kamahori complete 762 01:02:05,362 --> 01:02:07,684 one of the final stages of the Kaihogyo. 763 01:02:07,964 --> 01:02:09,005 A 9-day fast 764 01:02:09,446 --> 01:02:11,608 without food, water, or sleep. 765 01:02:15,331 --> 01:02:18,214 The monks hosted a funeral for him in case he died. 766 01:02:18,855 --> 01:02:21,418 And the ceremony was broadcast live on TV. 767 01:02:25,862 --> 01:02:27,183 After 9 days, 768 01:02:27,584 --> 01:02:30,387 he was carried out of his temple half dead. 769 01:02:30,907 --> 01:02:32,909 He's now considered a living Buddha 770 01:02:33,029 --> 01:02:34,471 and a God on earth. 771 01:02:36,673 --> 01:02:40,557 Ryushin thinks that if I had been there, it would've changed my life too. 772 01:02:42,038 --> 01:02:44,601 He tells me about an upcoming public festival 773 01:02:44,721 --> 01:02:47,644 where Kamahori will be making a rare appearance. 774 01:02:48,124 --> 01:02:52,569 If you come back to Japan, you might be able to speak to him. 775 01:02:53,089 --> 01:02:55,612 If you give up this time, you won't see him. 776 01:02:55,732 --> 01:02:58,174 You won't get an interview in the future. 777 01:02:59,015 --> 01:03:00,737 The choice is yours. 778 01:03:19,596 --> 01:03:22,278 How do you feel about me going back to Japan? 779 01:03:23,319 --> 01:03:26,603 It's funny how asking so many questions about 780 01:03:27,964 --> 01:03:32,048 these monks, and their practice and why they're doing what they're doing... 781 01:03:35,572 --> 01:03:37,133 has strangely been... 782 01:03:38,895 --> 01:03:40,897 a compass back to yourself. 783 01:03:42,018 --> 01:03:43,259 I didn't even know 784 01:03:43,660 --> 01:03:45,622 until we had been dating for... 785 01:03:45,822 --> 01:03:47,864 probably 3 years or something... 786 01:03:48,465 --> 01:03:50,747 that you even cared about being Muslim. 787 01:03:51,788 --> 01:03:56,593 I think the only time I even started to understand 788 01:03:56,953 --> 01:03:59,195 was when we were talking about getting married. 789 01:03:59,355 --> 01:04:00,877 I didn't get it, you know? 790 01:04:01,037 --> 01:04:04,120 Like, why not tell your parents? Stand up for who you are. 791 01:04:04,240 --> 01:04:05,762 What do you have to lose? 792 01:04:06,603 --> 01:04:08,765 And then I started to understand. 793 01:04:09,886 --> 01:04:12,529 You really believe that you will go to hell. 794 01:04:15,772 --> 01:04:18,735 You really believe all the stories that your mom 795 01:04:18,855 --> 01:04:21,297 and dad used to tell you. That you're... 796 01:04:22,739 --> 01:04:23,820 that you're bad. 797 01:04:25,181 --> 01:04:28,865 It was really ingrained in you since you were a very small kid. 798 01:04:29,746 --> 01:04:31,668 That you're bad, you're not worthy. 799 01:04:31,788 --> 01:04:33,630 And that God will punish you. 800 01:04:35,231 --> 01:04:37,754 You're not allowed to have a happy life. 801 01:04:38,715 --> 01:04:39,916 And I was like, 802 01:04:41,277 --> 01:04:45,001 if he doesn't know who he is, how can I fully invest 803 01:04:45,121 --> 01:04:46,683 in a future with this person? 804 01:04:46,803 --> 01:04:50,006 Because maybe he'll pull a rug out from under my feet one day 805 01:04:50,126 --> 01:04:53,730 and be like, you know, I was wrong. 806 01:04:54,170 --> 01:04:57,974 I have to break off this marriage because... 807 01:04:59,375 --> 01:05:02,378 my parents are right. I should get married to a Muslim. 808 01:05:05,421 --> 01:05:08,264 Look, I'm never gonna do anything like that. 809 01:05:13,229 --> 01:05:16,713 I think we can't continue in the way that we've been. 810 01:05:27,604 --> 01:05:29,846 The festival is tomorrow, 811 01:05:29,966 --> 01:05:32,889 and I'm anxious because I never got permission to come. 812 01:05:35,011 --> 01:05:37,253 But I'm not the only one who is worried. 813 01:05:47,584 --> 01:05:49,866 Ryushin is even more nervous than I am. 814 01:05:50,466 --> 01:05:53,349 Tomorrow's festival includes an important test for him. 815 01:05:53,469 --> 01:05:55,632 If he passes, he'll get a promotion 816 01:05:55,752 --> 01:05:59,115 And finally end the terrible jobs he's been stuck in for years. 817 01:06:00,797 --> 01:06:02,438 I want to be a real monk. 818 01:06:03,199 --> 01:06:06,282 I want to do the same things that the ancient people did. 819 01:06:10,046 --> 01:06:11,447 Most of the people, 820 01:06:12,168 --> 01:06:15,692 I can feel what they feel, what they think about me. 821 01:06:17,093 --> 01:06:20,016 What do you think the other monks think of you? 822 01:06:20,296 --> 01:06:24,500 That I'm just weak, depressed, dumb. 823 01:06:32,228 --> 01:06:34,831 Someone told me, "You are a 70 % person." 824 01:06:35,632 --> 01:06:37,473 "You are just half a person." 825 01:06:38,474 --> 01:06:40,837 People just don't understand what I feel. 826 01:07:12,108 --> 01:07:15,712 The monks are making a pilgrimage to a holy site 20 miles away. 827 01:07:16,432 --> 01:07:18,514 It takes 12 hours in sweltering heat. 828 01:07:48,224 --> 01:07:50,226 Only one man doesn't seem tired. 829 01:07:51,227 --> 01:07:52,428 That is Kamahori. 830 01:07:58,715 --> 01:08:02,358 Kamahori's strength has had a major influence on Ryushin's life. 831 01:08:03,039 --> 01:08:06,883 But when I look over at my friend, I see he's really struggling. 832 01:08:11,167 --> 01:08:13,289 As I'm setting up for my next shot, 833 01:08:13,810 --> 01:08:16,212 my old minder shows up out of nowhere. 834 01:08:18,094 --> 01:08:21,377 He tells me, it's not a good idea for me to be here. 835 01:08:21,497 --> 01:08:25,782 And I figure now is not the time to ask for a meeting with Kamahori. 836 01:08:27,343 --> 01:08:29,425 Even though we're on public streets, 837 01:08:29,746 --> 01:08:32,348 he relegates us to a street corner. 838 01:08:32,468 --> 01:08:34,751 And we're told to keep our distance. 839 01:08:38,554 --> 01:08:40,957 We're not allowed to go beyond this point. 840 01:08:52,088 --> 01:08:54,130 About halfway through the festival, 841 01:08:54,370 --> 01:08:56,893 Ryushin's injured and forced to drop out. 842 01:08:58,534 --> 01:09:00,216 He doesn't get his promotion. 843 01:09:25,041 --> 01:09:26,602 Why don't you quit? 844 01:09:27,443 --> 01:09:28,805 It's really hard. 845 01:09:30,406 --> 01:09:32,768 I have to look after my grandfather. 846 01:09:33,169 --> 01:09:34,530 And grandmother, too. 847 01:09:34,971 --> 01:09:36,572 And also my parents. 848 01:09:37,373 --> 01:09:42,498 So I cannot leave the monastery until my parents have died. 849 01:10:35,151 --> 01:10:37,353 No matter where he is or what he's doing, 850 01:10:37,874 --> 01:10:41,117 Ryushin comes home every evening to bathe his grandfather. 851 01:10:41,677 --> 01:10:43,079 He never misses a day. 852 01:10:44,360 --> 01:10:46,522 I haven't been home in 10 years. 853 01:10:46,642 --> 01:10:49,045 But I still talk to my mom every week. 854 01:10:49,565 --> 01:10:51,407 She always asks the same question. 855 01:10:52,889 --> 01:10:54,450 When are you coming home? 856 01:11:07,263 --> 01:11:10,026 I was supposed to be back home in LA a week ago. 857 01:11:10,546 --> 01:11:13,669 But I don't want to leave before I can talk to Kamahori. 858 01:11:15,071 --> 01:11:17,273 Now I'm stranded because of a storm. 859 01:11:18,354 --> 01:11:21,637 And it's the worst typhoon to hit Japan in 20 years. 860 01:11:24,760 --> 01:11:26,242 I've given you 861 01:11:27,083 --> 01:11:29,325 years of no pressure. 862 01:11:31,567 --> 01:11:35,811 You, by not telling your parents... I've had to go along with your... 863 01:11:36,572 --> 01:11:38,054 your duplicity. 864 01:11:38,614 --> 01:11:40,376 I've been patient for you 865 01:11:40,896 --> 01:11:43,379 to have your process of coming out to your parents. 866 01:11:44,740 --> 01:11:47,023 To me your actions show me that 867 01:11:47,423 --> 01:11:50,186 you're not being honest about what you want in your life. 868 01:11:50,506 --> 01:11:52,348 Also in terms of having a family. 869 01:11:52,828 --> 01:11:56,152 It shows me that you don't actually want a family, and never did. 870 01:11:57,633 --> 01:12:00,356 I just nee to have from you a clear message 871 01:12:00,476 --> 01:12:01,998 about what it is you want. 872 01:12:17,813 --> 01:12:19,855 I've never seen her so disappointed. 873 01:12:21,217 --> 01:12:23,139 I can't stick around any longer. 874 01:12:23,699 --> 01:12:25,341 I need to get back home. 875 01:12:25,982 --> 01:12:28,424 So, when the storm passes, I get in my car. 876 01:12:28,624 --> 01:12:30,866 It's time to do what I came here for. 877 01:12:32,188 --> 01:12:35,992 Today, I'm gonna show up to Kamahori's temple unannounced. 878 01:12:49,605 --> 01:12:53,089 It's the last time I'm gonna climb this fucking mountain. 879 01:13:06,222 --> 01:13:08,224 Are we supposed to follow him? 880 01:13:19,835 --> 01:13:23,599 After a couple of questions, the monk in charge lets us through. 881 01:13:25,041 --> 01:13:26,522 It's surprisingly easy. 882 01:13:28,604 --> 01:13:29,925 Thank you. 883 01:13:46,062 --> 01:13:49,385 - Thank you for our meal. - Thank you for our meal. - Yes. 884 01:13:49,625 --> 01:13:51,867 - Excuse us. - Excuse us. - Yes. 885 01:13:57,393 --> 01:14:00,716 I'm told Kamahori can only speak with me for 15 minutes. 886 01:14:01,117 --> 01:14:03,319 But first, I have to wait in silence. 887 01:14:04,039 --> 01:14:05,321 Because it's lunchtime. 888 01:14:26,742 --> 01:14:29,105 Thanks for giving me this opportunity. 889 01:14:31,867 --> 01:14:35,070 To be honest, I didn't think you would see me today. 890 01:14:35,551 --> 01:14:38,354 Sorry, for showing up at your temple unannounced. 891 01:14:46,362 --> 01:14:50,486 I've just been waiting for this moment for five years and it's... 892 01:14:54,770 --> 01:14:57,012 It's a great honor to be in your presence. 893 01:15:00,095 --> 01:15:02,738 I became interested in you because 894 01:15:03,419 --> 01:15:05,581 your discipline and devotion 895 01:15:05,941 --> 01:15:10,386 is similar to what's asked of me from my religion, Islam. 896 01:15:16,272 --> 01:15:18,274 Not so much walking, I mean... 897 01:15:18,634 --> 01:15:21,437 Nobody walks like guys, so that's obvious. 898 01:15:28,964 --> 01:15:32,488 Anyway, the first thing I want to know is, 899 01:15:33,489 --> 01:15:35,611 now that you've reached enlightenment, 900 01:15:35,931 --> 01:15:38,574 what wisdom can you share with me? 901 01:15:51,026 --> 01:15:56,432 I've completed all the important stages of my practice, 902 01:15:56,992 --> 01:15:59,795 but it's hard for me to tell 903 01:16:00,636 --> 01:16:05,841 if I've reached enlightenment. 904 01:16:06,482 --> 01:16:10,165 To attain spiritual enlightenment 905 01:16:11,927 --> 01:16:15,331 is the ultimate goal as a monk. 906 01:16:15,771 --> 01:16:17,653 During the 1000 day Kaihogyo ritual 907 01:16:18,093 --> 01:16:23,499 we don't actually walk the entire 1000 days. 908 01:16:24,300 --> 01:16:25,701 We save 25 days 909 01:16:25,901 --> 01:16:30,346 because we haven't attained spiritual enlightenment yet. 910 01:16:30,826 --> 01:16:33,549 25 days are left to remind you that 911 01:16:34,270 --> 01:16:38,193 you have to work for your entire life to get there. 912 01:16:42,838 --> 01:16:45,321 I should be thinking about my next question. 913 01:16:45,441 --> 01:16:48,844 But instead, I'm thinking about my conversation with Dawn. 914 01:16:49,725 --> 01:16:52,328 So, I just start talking. 915 01:16:52,968 --> 01:16:55,811 I tell him that I was raised in a strict Muslim household, 916 01:16:55,931 --> 01:16:57,893 but I ran off to the United States 917 01:16:58,133 --> 01:17:00,496 and got married, and my parents had no idea. 918 01:17:00,616 --> 01:17:03,979 And if I tell them they'll be crushed and never speak to me again. 919 01:17:04,099 --> 01:17:07,022 But if I don't tell them, my wife will never speak to me again. 920 01:17:07,142 --> 01:17:08,464 And there's no solution, 921 01:17:08,584 --> 01:17:12,348 and really more than anything, I'm just terrified. 922 01:17:14,710 --> 01:17:17,273 I think we should move on. You had another question? 923 01:17:19,635 --> 01:17:22,358 - We have ten more minutes. - Okay. Sorry... 924 01:17:22,878 --> 01:17:25,281 I guess, what I want to know is 925 01:17:25,881 --> 01:17:30,045 if you've ever had to fix a situation like mine in your life. 926 01:17:31,527 --> 01:17:34,690 Have you ever had to choose between love and tradition? 927 01:17:47,703 --> 01:17:49,865 Well, you know 928 01:17:53,749 --> 01:17:55,671 Someone is calling. 929 01:18:06,322 --> 01:18:09,885 As Kamahori is on the phone, we're told that our time is up. 930 01:18:10,205 --> 01:18:12,888 And just like that, the interview is over. 931 01:18:26,301 --> 01:18:29,385 After spilling my guts on the top of the mountain, 932 01:18:30,105 --> 01:18:34,390 I was devastated that I had spent five years chasing Kamahori. 933 01:18:35,951 --> 01:18:38,634 It was embarrassing that after so much time, 934 01:18:39,314 --> 01:18:41,236 I hadn't really learned anything. 935 01:18:43,519 --> 01:18:44,800 On my drive back, 936 01:18:45,160 --> 01:18:47,883 I think about all the lies I've told my parents, 937 01:18:48,003 --> 01:18:50,806 and the strain that it's put on my marriage. 938 01:18:53,409 --> 01:18:54,610 The truth is 939 01:18:55,210 --> 01:18:58,093 the biggest lie I have been telling is to myself. 940 01:18:58,734 --> 01:19:01,857 That I could solve my problems by running away. 941 01:19:03,178 --> 01:19:05,901 When I started this film, I had no idea 942 01:19:06,101 --> 01:19:08,664 how much my own story would be part of it. 943 01:19:09,945 --> 01:19:12,788 But now my life and the film are intertwined. 944 01:19:13,228 --> 01:19:16,872 And the only way to finish the story is to tell the truth. 945 01:19:21,717 --> 01:19:24,159 Watching how close you are to your family, 946 01:19:24,960 --> 01:19:28,363 and how honest you are about your life, made me... 947 01:19:30,205 --> 01:19:33,809 made me want to make some big changes in my own life. 948 01:19:34,369 --> 01:19:35,571 So... 949 01:19:36,051 --> 01:19:38,013 I'm going to tell my parents... 950 01:19:41,577 --> 01:19:42,818 about Dawn. 951 01:19:44,900 --> 01:19:45,981 Really? 952 01:19:47,302 --> 01:19:49,465 I didn't mean to... I didn't... 953 01:19:50,385 --> 01:19:53,669 I didn't want to change your life by myself. 954 01:19:55,310 --> 01:19:57,032 But it's nice to hear that. 955 01:19:58,634 --> 01:20:00,436 I'm very scared to tell them. 956 01:20:01,437 --> 01:20:02,638 Yeah. Yeah. 957 01:20:03,599 --> 01:20:05,000 I can imagine. 958 01:20:05,961 --> 01:20:09,485 I cried more in the last 2 months 959 01:20:09,605 --> 01:20:11,567 than I've done in my entire life. 960 01:20:14,450 --> 01:20:15,571 Because? 961 01:20:16,492 --> 01:20:19,935 Because I've been hiding this thing for so long. 962 01:20:20,616 --> 01:20:21,737 Yeah. 963 01:20:22,137 --> 01:20:24,019 I didn't realize... 964 01:20:28,423 --> 01:20:31,907 I didn't realize how much pain I was carrying inside of me. 965 01:20:34,830 --> 01:20:38,674 So you have trained, you have done the practice so much. 966 01:20:38,954 --> 01:20:43,238 So you graduated the practice like a monk. 967 01:20:44,239 --> 01:20:48,804 So you can have the praise. You should be praised. 968 01:20:49,204 --> 01:20:52,287 And you should praise yourself. 969 01:20:52,648 --> 01:20:54,089 And, yeah... 970 01:20:55,050 --> 01:20:57,012 your practice just ended. 971 01:20:57,653 --> 01:20:58,934 Congratulations. 972 01:21:20,075 --> 01:21:21,717 How are you feeling? 973 01:21:22,277 --> 01:21:25,761 It's been good to get all my outfits in line. 974 01:21:26,081 --> 01:21:28,203 I still don't know what I'm gonna wear. 975 01:21:31,166 --> 01:21:33,168 There's still time to get a burka. 976 01:21:35,090 --> 01:21:36,732 I feel a little crazy today. 977 01:21:37,372 --> 01:21:39,214 It's a long time coming. 978 01:21:40,616 --> 01:21:44,259 I think the interesting part of this conversation with them is that 979 01:21:44,379 --> 01:21:46,782 you're allowing them to have their reaction. 980 01:21:47,863 --> 01:21:51,947 But the hardest thing is just that I don't know if you should film them. 981 01:21:52,748 --> 01:21:57,512 Like, you are showing up after all these years, 982 01:21:57,633 --> 01:22:00,235 putting a camera in their face and telling them... 983 01:22:01,196 --> 01:22:03,559 Hey, I haven't been honest with you 984 01:22:03,719 --> 01:22:06,401 and now I want to take your reaction, 985 01:22:06,562 --> 01:22:09,524 - and, you know, use it for my film. - Yeah. 986 01:22:09,645 --> 01:22:13,208 It seems really kind of cruel and unusual to do that. 987 01:22:14,129 --> 01:22:15,290 At the same time, 988 01:22:15,410 --> 01:22:17,973 I don't know how else you would tell the story 989 01:22:18,253 --> 01:22:19,655 without doing that. 990 01:22:20,535 --> 01:22:23,218 Maybe they'll appreciate having the camera there 991 01:22:24,580 --> 01:22:26,622 to vindicate themselves and be like, 992 01:22:26,742 --> 01:22:29,585 you are a terrible son, and this is gonna be on record. 993 01:22:30,385 --> 01:22:32,668 Sounds like it won't work in my favor. 994 01:22:32,828 --> 01:22:34,269 Well, I know, but 995 01:23:18,353 --> 01:23:21,356 How are you? How was your journey? 996 01:23:21,677 --> 01:23:23,919 - It was good. - You took a bit longer. 997 01:23:24,039 --> 01:23:26,321 - Yes. - We were expecting you a bit earlier. 998 01:23:26,762 --> 01:23:28,403 - I got lost. - You got lost? 999 01:23:28,603 --> 01:23:30,605 - Yes. - I hope you are not lost 1000 01:23:30,806 --> 01:23:32,928 for some other things as well. 1001 01:23:40,896 --> 01:23:42,017 Mom? 1002 01:25:00,976 --> 01:25:03,618 Do you miss us sometimes in America, Ahsen? 1003 01:25:03,859 --> 01:25:05,340 As we miss you? 1004 01:25:07,943 --> 01:25:12,267 Sometimes I worry because you don't have a proper general Islamic education. 1005 01:25:12,627 --> 01:25:15,630 Heaven is only for those who die a Muslim. 1006 01:25:17,592 --> 01:25:21,797 You should marry a good Muslim girl, have children and... 1007 01:25:22,117 --> 01:25:24,279 you should have a family life 1008 01:25:25,200 --> 01:25:28,203 and not be alone. That's why I'm worried about you. 1009 01:25:28,804 --> 01:25:30,245 About these things. 1010 01:25:31,046 --> 01:25:34,289 Marriage to... a non-Muslim 1011 01:25:35,530 --> 01:25:37,052 is not allowed in Islam. 1012 01:25:48,984 --> 01:25:51,987 Sit up straight so it looks good on camera. 1013 01:25:53,508 --> 01:25:55,750 We shouldn't slump. 1014 01:25:58,553 --> 01:26:00,195 Ahsen, please start quickly. 1015 01:26:01,596 --> 01:26:02,958 Don't pressure him. 1016 01:26:05,560 --> 01:26:06,962 Take one. 1017 01:26:07,963 --> 01:26:10,685 In the name of God, the most gracious and merciful. 1018 01:26:13,809 --> 01:26:16,451 Mom, I was very close to you when I was growing up. 1019 01:26:16,571 --> 01:26:18,974 I remember, you were my best friend. 1020 01:26:19,614 --> 01:26:21,696 I feel, when I went to college, 1021 01:26:21,857 --> 01:26:23,658 that we started drifting apart. 1022 01:26:23,819 --> 01:26:26,141 Yes, yes. This is true, Ahsen. 1023 01:26:26,581 --> 01:26:28,303 Yes, this is how it turned out. 1024 01:26:29,865 --> 01:26:32,147 Sometimes, when I'd tell your dad, he'd say, 1025 01:26:32,267 --> 01:26:34,069 "Ahsen will change, don't worry." 1026 01:26:34,189 --> 01:26:38,153 Dad didn't have the same worry, but I was in a lot of pain. 1027 01:26:39,114 --> 01:26:42,117 How did you feel when I decided to move to America? 1028 01:26:42,317 --> 01:26:46,281 It was very disturbing to me. Yes. 1029 01:26:46,561 --> 01:26:47,963 That's right. 1030 01:26:48,043 --> 01:26:52,367 People would say they've heard rumors 1031 01:26:52,928 --> 01:26:54,890 that you have a son as well. 1032 01:26:56,291 --> 01:26:59,014 People still ask me, "Why does he never visit home?" 1033 01:27:00,175 --> 01:27:01,336 Um... 1034 01:27:03,498 --> 01:27:07,542 The reason I'm here in Ireland is because I wanted to... 1035 01:27:08,383 --> 01:27:10,145 not have any more secrets anymore. 1036 01:27:10,625 --> 01:27:14,029 I've been hiding from you. 1037 01:27:14,429 --> 01:27:15,750 Since I was a kid. 1038 01:27:16,471 --> 01:27:17,913 Why is that? 1039 01:27:18,553 --> 01:27:20,475 Um, I think I was really just 1040 01:27:20,595 --> 01:27:23,358 scared of your disapproval and losing... 1041 01:27:23,919 --> 01:27:25,120 losing your love. 1042 01:27:28,043 --> 01:27:30,005 I want to share something with you 1043 01:27:30,125 --> 01:27:32,247 that's been on my heart and consciousness. 1044 01:27:32,367 --> 01:27:36,611 It's the reason why I'm in Ireland, why I want to start telling the truth. 1045 01:27:36,731 --> 01:27:38,934 Living with the truth, God willing. 1046 01:27:39,174 --> 01:27:41,456 And living with the consequences of that. 1047 01:27:41,937 --> 01:27:43,538 And being close to you guys. 1048 01:27:43,858 --> 01:27:46,101 You're always close to us, Ahsen. 1049 01:27:46,261 --> 01:27:47,983 You're always in our heart. 1050 01:27:48,103 --> 01:27:50,906 In our prayer, and we love you 1051 01:27:51,026 --> 01:27:54,149 as you're part of our flesh and blood. 1052 01:27:55,310 --> 01:27:58,393 Blood that runs in your veins is our blood. 1053 01:28:15,290 --> 01:28:16,451 Please sit. 1054 01:28:16,611 --> 01:28:17,892 You are with us. 1055 01:28:26,261 --> 01:28:28,343 I... I found... 1056 01:28:42,998 --> 01:28:44,839 I found someone I love. 1057 01:28:45,560 --> 01:28:46,681 And... 1058 01:28:50,685 --> 01:28:52,767 I've been married... 1059 01:28:55,210 --> 01:28:57,492 But I was scared to tell you. 1060 01:29:04,980 --> 01:29:06,181 Marriage! 1061 01:29:07,782 --> 01:29:09,704 Since when? For how long? 1062 01:29:10,545 --> 01:29:12,307 I've married for 3 years. 1063 01:29:13,548 --> 01:29:14,629 Is she Muslim? 1064 01:29:14,789 --> 01:29:16,391 She's not a Muslim. 1065 01:29:18,073 --> 01:29:20,875 She came to Ireland as well and she wants to... 1066 01:29:21,836 --> 01:29:23,278 she wants to meet you. 1067 01:29:38,533 --> 01:29:40,895 That is what I was not expecting. 1068 01:29:42,457 --> 01:29:44,179 I want to have you in my life. 1069 01:29:44,299 --> 01:29:45,620 I don't want you... 1070 01:29:46,381 --> 01:29:48,023 to live separately anymore. 1071 01:29:50,185 --> 01:29:54,629 You took a decision in your life and made the wrong choice. 1072 01:29:54,749 --> 01:29:57,312 You couldn't find a girl of your own faith? 1073 01:29:58,713 --> 01:30:00,435 Just leave. Your film is complete. 1074 01:30:00,555 --> 01:30:03,558 You can link it with the monks. 1075 01:30:03,678 --> 01:30:06,121 I don't have much time now to go into this. 1076 01:30:06,761 --> 01:30:09,164 Now just pack this up. The film is done. 1077 01:30:09,324 --> 01:30:10,725 The end has happened. 1078 01:30:11,005 --> 01:30:13,448 There is no alternative ending. 1079 01:30:23,298 --> 01:30:25,700 God gave you a good mind. 1080 01:30:26,861 --> 01:30:28,303 We raised you well. 1081 01:30:30,385 --> 01:30:31,866 You chose the wrong way. 1082 01:31:33,848 --> 01:31:37,292 Kamahori's taking his final steps up the Kaihogyo. 1083 01:31:37,772 --> 01:31:40,455 His 7-year journey has come to an end. 1084 01:31:41,856 --> 01:31:44,379 All the monks are here to celebrate him. 1085 01:31:54,789 --> 01:31:56,351 It took me long to understand 1086 01:31:56,471 --> 01:31:59,113 what Kamahori told me during our interview. 1087 01:32:01,236 --> 01:32:03,198 They don't walk the entire Kaihogyo. 1088 01:32:03,678 --> 01:32:05,760 They leave 25 days incomplete. 1089 01:32:07,202 --> 01:32:09,964 As a reminder that our journey never really ends 1090 01:32:10,205 --> 01:32:12,247 and there's always more work to do. 1091 01:32:20,455 --> 01:32:24,659 I didn't really appreciate his words then. But I'm starting to now. 1092 01:32:27,182 --> 01:32:30,745 He helped me figure out that'll I'll probably never untangle 1093 01:32:30,985 --> 01:32:33,988 all the contradictions of my life and faith. 1094 01:33:12,587 --> 01:33:15,189 Ryushin isn't answering phones anymore. 1095 01:33:15,310 --> 01:33:17,111 He finally got his promotion. 1096 01:33:17,432 --> 01:33:21,556 And he's where he always wanted to be: out in the world helping people. 1097 01:33:23,117 --> 01:33:27,642 - It's specified as an incurable disease. - Really? 1098 01:33:28,002 --> 01:33:30,445 You should have gone to the hospital sooner. 1099 01:33:47,061 --> 01:33:49,384 Everyone says he's a great teacher. 1100 01:33:49,704 --> 01:33:52,146 And even though I was a pretty lousy student, 1101 01:33:52,787 --> 01:33:55,350 I like to think that I was his first. 1102 01:33:56,271 --> 01:34:00,435 Everyone has a different way of living their lives. 1103 01:34:02,517 --> 01:34:05,600 Buddha said the most important thing 1104 01:34:05,920 --> 01:34:07,882 is to respect each other. 1105 01:34:09,764 --> 01:34:12,927 Don't judge others. 1106 01:34:13,408 --> 01:34:16,731 We don't get to decide who is good or bad. 1107 01:34:18,293 --> 01:34:19,294 It's hard to do. 1108 01:34:20,134 --> 01:34:22,497 Our everyday life is a practice. 1109 01:34:38,473 --> 01:34:42,877 THERE IS NO GOD BUT ALLAH AND MUHAMMAD IS THE MESSENGER OF GOD.