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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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Ladies and gentlemen, on the stage
of the Corp-Artes Theater,

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this is Alison Mandel.

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Very good evening.

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Woow!

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What a beautiful audience.

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I want to say that I’m the comedian
with the most beautiful audience.

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All other comedians
know about it, talk about it.

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This is great.
It’s out of this world.

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I'm very excited about tonight,
I'm recording my first comedy special.

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It has been an incredible year for me.

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Only good things
have happened to me.

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My youngest son went into school.

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I am in a school parents’ chat now.

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¡Wohoo!

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Parents have plenty of free time, right?

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At least I have the option
to mute it forever.

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Every day I read things like

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“I have a fleece,
but it is not my daughter’s”.

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“Does anyone have my son’s fleece?”
“Yes", the other mom said.

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“Yep, but that's not my fleece”.
“So I didn't get any Fleece”.

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“I didn't get any fleece either”.
“You know, I didn't either”.

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“I checked my son's backpack,
and I didn't see any fleece”.

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And then, a mom writes
“Almonds for sale, half a kilo at $5”.

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We had a mom's meeting
to get to know each other.

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Because we have the parents’ chat,
but also, we have one only for moms.

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because we get more things done.

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We assumed right away
”this chat is not good”.

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Dads have tried to agree the
whole year about a party.

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And for a soccer game.

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We, moms, talk in the other chat
and we get together.

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We went for a coffee.

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We started introducing ourselves
and tell about what we do.

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Everybody started
to introduce themselves.

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“I am Josefina, Matilda's mother.
I'm a lawyer”.

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“I am Anita, José Tomás' mother
and I am a teacher”.

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“I am Maria Ines.
I do nothing, I'm a bum mom”.

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“But I am in charge
of the Parents’ Center”.

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And right next to me I have
the smartest mom.

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“Well, I'm a doctor”,

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“I am a neurosurgeon.
I am part of a research”

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“that discovered
a vaccine for COVID”.

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“And now we're working
on a cure for cancer”.

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“So, next week I will attend
some courses in Harvard”.

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And that’s it.

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And next to her it was me.

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I studied at Duoc.

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Did somebody study at Duoc?

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Here we are technicians.

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We are hardworking people
who want to thrive.

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But we became technicians.

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I am an actress technician.

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It was my turn, now.
“What about you?”

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“I'm Alison Mandel. Actress.
Actress Technician”.

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“Comedian, and Influencer”.

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When I said influencer,
I knew I screwed up.

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Smart mommy
looks at me and says:

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“Is that a job?”

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And I said,
“And the cure for cancer? When?”

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Of course it is a job.

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I mean, do you know
how hard it can be?

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That I put my phone here.

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Is it recording? Yes, it is.

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Then play it spontaneous.

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“Many people have asked me…”

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But actually nobody asked you shit!

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Me and my husband
made a huge effort

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to enroll our son in that school.

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It is a better school
than the one we studied in,

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where his brothers attend.

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This is because we actually feel,

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without putting pressure
on Balthazar’s shoulders,

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that he is the smartest one
in the family.

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I already figured it out as a mom.

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You notice when your child
is doing well or not.

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That is how the money
was invested.

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So we realized that was our option.

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We put him in a school,
an expensive one.

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So, when he comes back from school,
we ask “how was your day”?

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“Good”.

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“What did you guys do today?”
“Nothing”.

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“Balthazar that is an expensive school.
You really did nothing?”

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“Nothing”.

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“But Balthazar…”
“Oh, yes, something happened!”

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“What happened Balthazar?”
“I got bit”.

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I was mad that someone
bit my son.

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“How was that Balti?”

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“I was bitten, like this”.

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“Like a dog, I was bitten.
He was hungry and bit me”.

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All our hopes on our son.

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All for us not to do standup
comedy until we are 80.

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I knew well when I was a little girl,
that I was not smart.

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My mom always told me so.

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When she was on the phone
she said “Yes, my girls are okay”

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“Estrellita is studying
very hard, as usual”.

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“And Alison…”

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“Very beautiful”.

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For real. I was not brilliant.
I was a student that

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I pretended I was answering a test.

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I finished the test very quickly
and my school mates were focused

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and I was like doing nothing.

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The teacher would stand
behind me, saying:

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“Children, read the questions well…”

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“...Before answering”.

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"Balthazar, who bit you?"
“A child”.

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"And what did you do?"
“Nothing”.

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I looked at Pedro.

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Pedro was doing some things,
he looked at me and said, “what?”

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“You solve that”.

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“You solve it”.

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“Balthazar…”. Look I'm in the idea
of respectful parenting.

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Balthazar, next time a child bites you,
you have to tell him:

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“No! Stop. This is my body.
I have my limits”.

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Pedro laughed exactly like you.

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“What?”, I said.

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“He cannot say that bullshit!”

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What about it?

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“He will look like the
chump of his class”.

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Men fear that their sons look
like the "chump" of the class.

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But then…
“No”.

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“No”.

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Fuck it then,
you solve it.

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“That happens because
you follow moms on Instagram”.

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Beg your pardon?

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“Yep, you follow ‘the nurturing mom’,

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‘the raising mom’,
‘the breastfeeding mom’”,

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“‘the cook mom’. Why the fuck
don’t you follow ‘old school mom’?”

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Calm down. Let's see you solve it.
“I will do it my way”.

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I like the way men solve problems.

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Look, they think and that’s it.
There is no…

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Not a minute for analyzing things.

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Of “this could be bad,
it could be good”. There isn't any.

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They save time.

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“Balthazar”.
He looked so sure and I thought…

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“You get bitten,
then you bite”.

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“You get hit,
you hit back”

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“Pedro!”, I tell him.
“What?”, he says.

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“Always talking about that ‘limits’ shit”.

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Next day Balthazar went to school
and when he returned, we both were like,

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How did it go?
“Good”.

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Anything happened?
“No. Oh, yes!”

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“I was bitten”.

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What did you do, Balthazar?
“I said ‘This is my body, my limits’”

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What did he say to you?
“Uuuuuuuughhh”.

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Then Pedro says to me...

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And what did you do?
“I bit him back”.

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And what did he do?
“He beat me”.

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And what did you do?
“I cried”.

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You are to blame.
It's your fault.

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“You know what?” I said.
“Balthazar. I'm going to fix this”.

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What's the name
of the asshole who bit you?

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Then Pedro says, “Honey!”

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Wait, you complain
about the mommies I follow?

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But I can be a Ghetto mommy.
What's his name?

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“His name is Camil… José…”

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“His name is…”

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That’s an unreliable source.

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Ok, Balthazar, remember.
Focus. Come on.

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“His name is Jose Tomas”.

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Pedro, look up in the directory
and see where his parents live.

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“But Honey, how can we…?”
Wait a minute.

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Now I'm going to fix
this shit myself.

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I'm going to create an Instagram named
“Ghetto Mommy”. Look it up.

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We found it and we headed for that house.

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We waited in the car and Pedro said:

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“if this is a joke,
it's gone on too long”.

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But calm down, I can handle this.

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Then I saw the child and
I approached him in a warlike manner.

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Then I noticed
the cameras in the condo.

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So I…

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“Hello”, I said to him.
“Did you bite my son?”

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“Yeap”.

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That's not right.
“I'm going to do it again”.

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Look, fucking asshole.

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Next time you mess
with my son or any other child.

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I could see he bullied other kids.

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I swear I'm going to come tell you
a story about Santa, you will love.

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“I know he’s not real”.

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That asshole was three years old.

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And I looked at my husband so excited,
that I went back and I said to him.

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“If you mess with my son,
I already know where you live”.

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“I will come back at night and
get in through the window”

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“and I'm going to
fuck your dad”, I told him.

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“Until your parents split”.

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Next day Balthazar arrived
and I asked him “how did it go?”

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“I didn't get bit today”.

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Oh, well...

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I was at a festival during
the summer. Did anyone see it?

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The great Festival de Viña.

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Did you see it?

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It was a nice moment for me.

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But.

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I, Mrs. Asshole,
standing on the stage.

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A big festival,
and I said “I like Ghetto men”.

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Remember that moment?

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“Hey, I like Ghetto men”.

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I did not think about
the consequences of my words.

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When I am in the street, some
dangerous people approach me.

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“Hey, you like men like me”.

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00:13:23,791 --> 00:13:27,916
“You redeemed us, my sister”.

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OK, but that was only
a simple concept.

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00:13:35,875 --> 00:13:39,790
The truth is I only Honey my husband.

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I married a perfect person,
as far I am concerned.

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And I only have eyes for him.

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00:13:46,415 --> 00:13:49,665
We've been married for years,
a long time and I have never

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00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:52,875
looked at other men
but the other day...

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00:13:55,625 --> 00:14:00,416
We had a problem in the house.
We needed some help to fix it.

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00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:03,458
Some plumbers went.

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An old plumber
and a plumber apprentice.

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00:14:08,583 --> 00:14:11,666
The apprentice looked weird.

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00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:14,291
He wore a cap,
and he remained looking down.

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00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:16,583
He had a tattoo
with the word “resilience”.

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00:14:18,666 --> 00:14:21,041
We had a problem
in the restroom, so

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00:14:21,125 --> 00:14:24,333
Pedro goes with the old man.
And I go with the…

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00:14:24,416 --> 00:14:28,041
Look, I have no idea
about construction.

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00:14:28,125 --> 00:14:30,500
But every time someone
goes to fix something,

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00:14:30,583 --> 00:14:32,875
I stand on his side
like an old bitch,

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00:14:33,583 --> 00:14:35,458
pretending I know
about the business.

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00:14:35,540 --> 00:14:36,790
So they don't fuck with me.

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00:14:39,290 --> 00:14:42,708
The guy got into the restroom
and right away he started to make a hole,

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00:14:42,790 --> 00:14:47,625
a big hole, digging, digging on the floor,
and I was next to him.

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00:14:49,375 --> 00:14:52,665
I asked him, “is that
a partition wall or concrete?”

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00:14:54,790 --> 00:14:56,833
“This is ceramic, ma'am”.

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00:15:02,166 --> 00:15:03,708
Ha, you’re paying attention.

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00:15:05,291 --> 00:15:09,041
He kept digging a hole on the floor,
and I wanted to talk to him.

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00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:12,625
And all of a sudden, I said to him,
“Do you have experience in holes?”

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00:15:13,791 --> 00:15:18,625
Yes, I said so, and then I realized
what I had just said.

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00:15:18,708 --> 00:15:20,458
So you have
experience in holes?

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00:15:20,541 --> 00:15:24,333
He kind of laughed.
He had one missing tooth.

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00:15:27,625 --> 00:15:30,916
And I said to myself,
he's got his thing.

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00:15:32,333 --> 00:15:34,875
He looked at me and said
“Yes, I have experience”.

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00:15:34,958 --> 00:15:36,625
“I once dug a tunnel”.

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00:15:39,208 --> 00:15:41,958
Ohh, oh, ok.

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00:15:47,790 --> 00:15:50,250
All of a sudden, he said to me
“Are you the one from the festival?”

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00:15:50,333 --> 00:15:53,708
I don't know if that was
a threat or a question.

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00:15:53,790 --> 00:15:55,708
“Yes, I am”, I said.
“Did you see me?”

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00:15:55,790 --> 00:15:56,625
“No”.

239
00:15:57,833 --> 00:16:00,708
“But I saw some
gold seagulls at the entrance”.

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00:16:01,583 --> 00:16:04,333
Well, those are not actually made of gold.

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00:16:04,416 --> 00:16:06,875
They are gold plated.

242
00:16:06,958 --> 00:16:08,875
In fact, once a comedian
wanted to sell them,

243
00:16:08,958 --> 00:16:11,041
and he wouldn't be paid ten bucks.

244
00:16:13,041 --> 00:16:14,791
Then, I don't know if he
was flirting with me,

245
00:16:14,875 --> 00:16:16,500
because I've been married for so long.

246
00:16:16,583 --> 00:16:19,166
It's been long since anyone has flirted
with me, nor have I flirted back,

247
00:16:19,250 --> 00:16:21,125
so I didn't understand.

248
00:16:21,208 --> 00:16:23,416
But all of a sudden, he asked me.

249
00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:25,541
Do you have any children?

250
00:16:26,583 --> 00:16:27,875
And I…

251
00:16:29,666 --> 00:16:31,791
Haha, that’s a silly question!

252
00:16:33,290 --> 00:16:36,125
Well, something like a child,
I mean, no

253
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,750
I started to flirt, too.

254
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:44,333
And as I don't know
how to flirt, I messed up.

255
00:16:44,415 --> 00:16:46,165
No. I mean, no...

256
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:49,125
I mean...

257
00:16:49,458 --> 00:16:51,790
Maybe one or two.
Not many.

258
00:16:53,458 --> 00:16:55,665
Not that many either.

259
00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,666
At that moment I felt bad,
like cheating.

260
00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:02,375
I said, “I'm going to get out of here”.

261
00:17:02,458 --> 00:17:05,125
And the guy did something
that got me crazy.

262
00:17:05,208 --> 00:17:07,875
If this wasn't a flirtation,
you tell me.

263
00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:12,125
The guy was like this, and he stood up,
he bent down and stood up again.

264
00:17:16,833 --> 00:17:19,208
Maybe you guys think
“hey, but that's nothing”.

265
00:17:19,958 --> 00:17:21,875
But I've been married 12 years.

266
00:17:22,540 --> 00:17:24,540
My husband is 43 years old.

267
00:17:25,083 --> 00:17:27,708
If my husband kneels down,
he won’t move from there.

268
00:17:38,208 --> 00:17:39,625
He’s not coming back.

269
00:17:40,791 --> 00:17:43,875
Once we were in the living room

270
00:17:43,958 --> 00:17:47,666
and suddenly I realized
something and said:

271
00:17:48,583 --> 00:17:51,208
“Whoaa, the kids are not here,
we could like, you know…”

272
00:17:51,291 --> 00:17:54,875
I told him like, “Honey, we're alone”.
We wanted to have a night of passion.

273
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:58,291
“OK, but not
in the living room”, he said.

274
00:17:59,083 --> 00:18:02,333
But don’t kill the moment, here.
“Nope, not the living room”.

275
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,208
“No, in our room”.

276
00:18:05,291 --> 00:18:09,708
Ok, but grab me,
and take me to our bedroom.

277
00:18:11,916 --> 00:18:15,708
He looked at me and said “what?”
Grab me and throw me on the bed!

278
00:18:19,125 --> 00:18:20,500
“Are you fucking nuts?”

279
00:18:24,333 --> 00:18:26,916
“Why?”, I asked him
“What about my back pain?”

280
00:18:30,125 --> 00:18:32,166
“No, Honey, you better walk”.

281
00:18:34,291 --> 00:18:36,875
So, we both had to
walk into the room.

282
00:18:39,541 --> 00:18:43,083
Once in the room I did not
feel like it, and I said to him...

283
00:18:43,875 --> 00:18:47,416
You know what, it's cold.
I'm going to take off just one pant leg,

284
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,083
So, imagine the rest.

285
00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:02,666
And I see a guy doing
this up and down.

286
00:19:04,125 --> 00:19:06,500
I left immediately and
I stayed next to my husband,

287
00:19:06,583 --> 00:19:08,416
waiting for the work
to be finished.

288
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:10,791
Feeling guilty, like, “oh, oh”.

289
00:19:12,458 --> 00:19:14,416
“Why do I imagine things?
Don’t do it!”

290
00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:18,291
Suddenly the guy comes out.
They finish the work, pretty efficiently.

291
00:19:18,375 --> 00:19:21,541
I mean, it made me want to break things,
to get him to come back.

292
00:19:24,916 --> 00:19:28,333
The kid comes out and
he was afraid of nothing.

293
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:30,666
Afraid of nothing.

294
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:33,416
He was leaving and he returned
and said to me: “Hey”.

295
00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:35,625
“Hmm. How bold”.

296
00:19:37,208 --> 00:19:39,375
Yes?
“With the leftover material”

297
00:19:39,458 --> 00:19:42,041
“I made you a shelf, because
you had a mess with your shampoos”.

298
00:19:56,500 --> 00:20:00,041
12 years telling my husband
that I needed a shelf.

299
00:20:05,208 --> 00:20:08,916
“Thank you”, I said.
“That’s kind of you”.

300
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:13,208
I went to drop him off, I closed the door,
I turned around, and Pedro was like this.

301
00:20:15,875 --> 00:20:17,375
“What?”, I asked.

302
00:20:18,375 --> 00:20:20,041
“You liked him”.

303
00:20:21,250 --> 00:20:22,541
The old man?

304
00:20:24,666 --> 00:20:28,375
“No, the guy and his shelf”.

305
00:20:34,625 --> 00:20:39,375
When you don't know what to say, you
pretend you get mad, just to save time.

306
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:44,916
Haaa, with all what I have to do,
I also liked this guy?

307
00:20:47,083 --> 00:20:48,875
“I know you.
You like him”.

308
00:20:48,958 --> 00:20:50,833
Oh, come on, Pedro!

309
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:54,708
He was obviously gay.

310
00:21:00,833 --> 00:21:04,958
Well, I would never, ever
change my husband.

311
00:21:05,041 --> 00:21:10,666
because, he’s really handsome.
I look at him and...

312
00:21:11,416 --> 00:21:14,375
He’s like a cave man.

313
00:21:15,916 --> 00:21:18,500
Have you guys seen
how practical men are?

314
00:21:18,583 --> 00:21:21,208
I sometimes think,
why wasn't I born a man?

315
00:21:21,625 --> 00:21:24,250
Have you guys seen how
efficient men are?

316
00:21:25,125 --> 00:21:27,458
Have you ever seen
a man taking a shower?

317
00:21:28,125 --> 00:21:29,500
They have no problems.

318
00:21:29,583 --> 00:21:34,333
I have to buy a shampoo that,
as I get older, it’s more expensive.

319
00:21:34,416 --> 00:21:36,916
A shampoo promising
my hair won't fall out,

320
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:40,166
It's going to be there with me,
until the end of time.

321
00:21:40,958 --> 00:21:44,083
It costs 40 bucks, the styling
cream same price,

322
00:21:44,166 --> 00:21:48,666
and the heat protection stuff. You are
in the restroom, using those things.

323
00:21:48,750 --> 00:21:51,166
You leave your shampoo on
the shelf that guy made you.

324
00:21:53,166 --> 00:21:57,166
Suddenly you grab the styling cream,
and it says “leave on for three minutes”.

325
00:21:57,791 --> 00:22:00,416
You're already in the shower,
you don’t want to get out.

326
00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:02,833
You put on your cream
and stay like this.

327
00:22:05,125 --> 00:22:07,083
In a very vulnerable position,

328
00:22:08,416 --> 00:22:10,833
for you to think
about all your mistakes.

329
00:22:10,916 --> 00:22:13,166
Suddenly you see
the shower is filthy.

330
00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:15,708
You grab
your husband's sponge.

331
00:22:17,583 --> 00:22:19,333
One is always efficient.

332
00:22:20,291 --> 00:22:22,250
So, you clean all
bright and shiny.

333
00:22:23,083 --> 00:22:27,750
As you leave, your husband
is coming in, as “the caveman”.

334
00:22:28,625 --> 00:22:30,083
He comes in quickly.

335
00:22:30,166 --> 00:22:34,166
He does not wait for the hot water.
He’s just in and out.

336
00:22:35,375 --> 00:22:38,791
Next to my shampoos
there is a bag

337
00:22:40,416 --> 00:22:41,958
I bought just for him.

338
00:22:42,958 --> 00:22:44,833
So he won't use my shampoo.

339
00:22:45,791 --> 00:22:51,000
The bag is efficient, because
it's shampoo, balm and soap.

340
00:22:53,458 --> 00:22:59,083
He gets in, pours a handful of shampoo
and he does like a turbo thing.

341
00:23:01,458 --> 00:23:03,375
Within two minutes he is done.

342
00:23:03,458 --> 00:23:07,458
He is between toweling
himself dry or kind of wet.

343
00:23:08,625 --> 00:23:11,625
Hell! men are efficient
for their stuff.

344
00:23:11,708 --> 00:23:15,958
One day a chicken leg fell off the grill.
He grabbed it, blew it, and ate it.

345
00:23:19,625 --> 00:23:22,375
Me and my husband,
we make a good duo.

346
00:23:22,458 --> 00:23:27,333
I really find that we are like…
we're good at our stuff,

347
00:23:27,416 --> 00:23:29,625
like, we got married and
everything works.

348
00:23:29,708 --> 00:23:32,166
We never argue.
We are partners.

349
00:23:32,250 --> 00:23:34,333
One proposes,
the other one solves.

350
00:23:34,416 --> 00:23:39,166
But the one moment that I would
tell you I did not love him that much,

351
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,416
it was the day
my baby was born.

352
00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:44,791
Anyone of you here is a mom?

353
00:23:46,083 --> 00:23:47,916
Oh, you look tired!

354
00:23:51,125 --> 00:23:53,666
With your last breath you
raised your hands.

355
00:23:57,541 --> 00:24:00,333
- Are there any dads?
- Yeah.

356
00:24:00,416 --> 00:24:02,541
Uh-huh. They're not that tired.

357
00:24:10,416 --> 00:24:14,833
Well, I think my delivery day
was not such a good day.

358
00:24:14,916 --> 00:24:19,291
People romanticize that, motherhood,
when your baby is born, you feel so good.

359
00:24:19,375 --> 00:24:20,875
I did not feel that good.

360
00:24:21,625 --> 00:24:27,750
I remember it was 4 AM. I started
to feel a contraction and I said “Oh!”

361
00:24:28,625 --> 00:24:30,916
Pedro was sleeping next to me.

362
00:24:31,791 --> 00:24:34,416
And I was like,
“Oh, no! Oh! holy shit!”

363
00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:36,541
“Oh, this is fucking painful!”

364
00:24:36,625 --> 00:24:38,291
“Come on. Inhale. Exhale”.

365
00:24:38,375 --> 00:24:41,916
“Inhale. Exhale. what did the Midwife say?
I don't fucking remember that”.

366
00:24:43,791 --> 00:24:47,250
I stood up. I either have to
walk or I don't have to walk.

367
00:24:48,208 --> 00:24:50,208
Pedro was still sleeping.

368
00:24:50,708 --> 00:24:53,416
Then I had continuous contractions,
every three minutes.

369
00:24:53,500 --> 00:24:57,958
And I was like, “fucking shit!”
I felt a pain like “Whoaa!!”

370
00:24:58,041 --> 00:25:01,000
And at that moment
I could finally know

371
00:25:01,083 --> 00:25:03,291
how a man feels
when he catches a cold.

372
00:25:13,958 --> 00:25:15,125
“Oh”, I said.

373
00:25:15,916 --> 00:25:17,583
“Oh, poor men!”

374
00:25:23,333 --> 00:25:27,791
“This was what men feel,
with a little bit of a cough”.

375
00:25:30,083 --> 00:25:32,791
I couldn't take it anymore.
I woke up Pedro and I tell him:

376
00:25:32,875 --> 00:25:37,083
Honey, the baby is going to be born.
“Now?”

377
00:25:38,666 --> 00:25:40,083
Now.

378
00:25:40,166 --> 00:25:42,000
“Can't you hold on a bit?”
He said to me.

379
00:25:46,791 --> 00:25:49,875
No! It’s a baby I can't wait!

380
00:25:49,958 --> 00:25:53,208
“Okay, calm down, calm down!”

381
00:25:53,291 --> 00:25:55,083
“I'm calm”, I said.

382
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,166
I'll go to the restroom
and off we go!

383
00:26:04,125 --> 00:26:08,958
Really, I find that men
are so practical,

384
00:26:09,041 --> 00:26:12,750
they're resolute,
they're fast people, except,

385
00:26:13,791 --> 00:26:14,708
when they go to the restroom.

386
00:26:14,791 --> 00:26:18,791
I don't know if that is a Nirvana
moment, a breadth of mind,

387
00:26:18,875 --> 00:26:20,250
but he gets in the restroom

388
00:26:22,041 --> 00:26:25,625
and I start to hear from outside
reels, Tik Tok.

389
00:26:28,375 --> 00:26:30,791
It’s musical poop, it’s like…

390
00:26:33,291 --> 00:26:37,083
The good thing is when he comes out
of the restroom, he has a good idea.

391
00:26:37,833 --> 00:26:41,000
It's his moment of reflection.
“You know, Honey? I was thinking…”

392
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:45,208
And I was like,
“We must go to the hospital!”

393
00:26:45,291 --> 00:26:48,458
We got there.
Women who had a baby know it.

394
00:26:48,541 --> 00:26:53,083
It does not matter if you had
a vaginal or cesarean delivery.

395
00:26:53,166 --> 00:26:54,916
You're going to get a gash.

396
00:26:56,125 --> 00:26:58,916
You place your gash,
depending on your delivery,

397
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,958
in your belly or in your butt,
but the gash...

398
00:27:03,541 --> 00:27:05,250
The gash goes.

399
00:27:06,166 --> 00:27:08,166
In my case it was my belly.

400
00:27:08,750 --> 00:27:12,083
I was there. The baby was born,
it was taken away.

401
00:27:12,166 --> 00:27:16,166
Someone starts stitching and you
tell him “see that it's all in, please!”

402
00:27:17,791 --> 00:27:20,791
And I shouted at Pedro.
“Pedro! Pedro!”

403
00:27:20,875 --> 00:27:23,083
“What?”, he says.
Watch them!

404
00:27:25,125 --> 00:27:28,916
Because a woman may be dying,
but always giving directions.

405
00:27:30,958 --> 00:27:33,000
Watch them!
"What?"

406
00:27:33,083 --> 00:27:35,375
Watch they don't change the baby.

407
00:27:37,541 --> 00:27:40,750
Because this special video
may be watched

408
00:27:40,833 --> 00:27:44,416
by people from Europe,
from USA.

409
00:27:44,500 --> 00:27:48,208
People who do not know “Talca city”.

410
00:27:59,083 --> 00:28:05,083
If you come to our beautiful country,
don’t go to Talca.

411
00:28:08,291 --> 00:28:12,666
“Ok”, he says.
“It's the same baby, I can see it”.

412
00:28:13,125 --> 00:28:15,958
I was stitched
and taken to my room.

413
00:28:16,041 --> 00:28:20,833
They “put you there”
with a baby. And I felt weird.

414
00:28:20,916 --> 00:28:24,708
I received the baby
and I didn't know what to do.

415
00:28:25,041 --> 00:28:26,541
I held it in my arms.

416
00:28:32,958 --> 00:28:37,750
“I'm going to make sure you
breathe every two seconds”.

417
00:28:39,375 --> 00:28:44,208
Next to me my husband
was answering phone calls.

418
00:28:44,291 --> 00:28:46,000
I couldn't talk
because of the anesthesia.

419
00:28:46,083 --> 00:28:49,250
So, I listened to Pedro as he
was saying, “we are okay”.

420
00:28:52,416 --> 00:28:53,416
And I was like…

421
00:28:58,250 --> 00:29:00,708
“We're tired, for sure!”

422
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,916
I had just made a work of art.

423
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:15,416
I had just made a baby.
I put everything a baby needs.

424
00:29:15,500 --> 00:29:18,375
A little head, small feet, everything.

425
00:29:18,458 --> 00:29:19,875
I made it right.

426
00:29:21,208 --> 00:29:25,208
Pedro, next to me, all he had to do
was to put together a sleeper chair

427
00:29:25,291 --> 00:29:26,583
and he couldn't.

428
00:29:33,166 --> 00:29:35,666
I put nails to the baby.

429
00:29:37,291 --> 00:29:41,583
And Pedro was like
“holy shit!”

430
00:29:42,375 --> 00:29:44,750
He was scolding himself.
I felt pity for him.

431
00:29:46,291 --> 00:29:49,708
“Mr. Asshole has to put together
all this thing alone”.

432
00:29:52,458 --> 00:29:56,250
“Holy crap!
This is a piece of shit!”

433
00:29:58,958 --> 00:30:01,958
Suddenly out of anger he turns around
and says: “I better leave!”

434
00:30:03,250 --> 00:30:05,166
“I'm not doing anything”.

435
00:30:11,958 --> 00:30:14,375
I don't know what kind of
face I must have made.

436
00:30:14,958 --> 00:30:17,083
But he corrected himself

437
00:30:20,375 --> 00:30:23,416
and said “I was joking!”

438
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:31,125
“I wanted to see
if you got mad”.

439
00:30:31,541 --> 00:30:34,541
“No, I'm going to
keep watching right here!”

440
00:30:34,625 --> 00:30:36,666
“I shall keep my eyes open”.

441
00:30:36,750 --> 00:30:41,333
“Taking care of everything
you need the whole night”.

442
00:30:42,125 --> 00:30:44,708
Two minutes later
he was sound asleep.

443
00:30:46,125 --> 00:30:47,125
And I was like…

444
00:30:49,333 --> 00:30:51,166
watching the baby.

445
00:30:51,583 --> 00:30:53,666
And women get kind of dramatic.

446
00:30:54,208 --> 00:30:56,083
I shall always be here for you.

447
00:30:59,416 --> 00:31:00,916
I'm your mom.

448
00:31:02,541 --> 00:31:04,500
In this moment…

449
00:31:10,125 --> 00:31:12,333
I will never stop watching you.

450
00:31:13,333 --> 00:31:16,833
I will watch you breathing
for four months,

451
00:31:17,666 --> 00:31:20,500
in a deep postpartum depression.

452
00:31:22,833 --> 00:31:26,125
I was having
this chat with my baby

453
00:31:26,208 --> 00:31:28,708
when I started to fall asleep.

454
00:31:28,791 --> 00:31:32,791
Are there people here
who work in healthcare?

455
00:31:32,875 --> 00:31:35,875
Somebody, here, in healthcare?

456
00:31:35,958 --> 00:31:41,000
I'm sure that when you guys
have a dull shift

457
00:31:41,875 --> 00:31:46,166
you stand outside rooms like mine.

458
00:31:47,041 --> 00:31:50,250
You listen and say,
“she fell asleep!”

459
00:31:50,333 --> 00:31:52,916
“She fell asleep, let’s get in”.

460
00:31:54,583 --> 00:31:56,916
[Yells] “Excuse me, mommy”.

461
00:32:08,208 --> 00:32:09,500
And I was like...

462
00:32:11,166 --> 00:32:14,166
I'm watching my baby sleeping.

463
00:32:14,750 --> 00:32:17,875
“Mommy, you pretend I'm not here”.

464
00:32:19,083 --> 00:32:22,083
“I'm going to take your vitals.
Bye, mommy”.

465
00:32:22,166 --> 00:32:26,333
You fall asleep again and
she came back in, “Mommy!”

466
00:32:26,416 --> 00:32:30,416
On the third inning
she took pity on me.

467
00:32:31,166 --> 00:32:32,958
“Mommy. You know”

468
00:32:33,958 --> 00:32:38,166
“With my shift partners,
we are wondering if you are okay”.

469
00:32:45,500 --> 00:32:47,541
No.
"What's wrong, Mommy?"

470
00:32:50,625 --> 00:32:52,708
What should do I do now?

471
00:32:53,166 --> 00:32:55,375
I didn't think about
this part of the plan.

472
00:32:58,708 --> 00:33:00,875
“Mommy, you have to
raise your baby”.

473
00:33:05,750 --> 00:33:06,916
Alone?

474
00:33:08,166 --> 00:33:10,750
“No, mommy,
with the gentleman next to you”.

475
00:33:12,458 --> 00:33:14,000
Alone, then!

476
00:33:17,958 --> 00:33:20,791
Then you get home.
You don’t look pretty.

477
00:33:21,250 --> 00:33:23,208
Let's stop romanticizing that.
You’re not pretty.

478
00:33:23,291 --> 00:33:25,250
It's not the best
period of your life.

479
00:33:25,333 --> 00:33:28,500
I had a slash from side to side,
and I solved my life saying,

480
00:33:28,583 --> 00:33:31,416
Okay, I'm never going to
walk straight ever again.

481
00:33:32,250 --> 00:33:35,208
We become moms and turn
warlike girls right away.

482
00:33:35,291 --> 00:33:39,916
Okay, I won’t walk straight up,
I will walk like this forever.

483
00:33:41,208 --> 00:33:44,208
I was hungry, and I had
that damn mom updo.

484
00:33:45,583 --> 00:33:48,750
You put on the same baggy clothes,
your milk is leaking.

485
00:33:49,333 --> 00:33:51,750
You are hungry and thirsty!
Hungry and thirsty!

486
00:33:51,833 --> 00:33:55,333
You go to the kitchen,
and start eating.

487
00:33:55,416 --> 00:33:58,458
Then, my husband looks at me and says,
“Honey, are you going to eat all that?”

488
00:33:58,541 --> 00:34:03,208
I am hungry!
I made a baby by myself!

489
00:34:04,791 --> 00:34:07,125
“Well, Honey, it’s just that,

490
00:34:07,208 --> 00:34:10,708
if you want to serve it on a plate,
not eat it off the pot”.

491
00:34:13,750 --> 00:34:15,625
You're not pretty.

492
00:34:15,708 --> 00:34:17,083
And then it's your turn

493
00:34:17,166 --> 00:34:19,833
to go for a checkup
with the doctor, 40 days later.

494
00:34:19,916 --> 00:34:23,125
The doctor looks at you and says:
“It's all perfect”.

495
00:34:26,125 --> 00:34:27,666
“Everything is back in place”.

496
00:34:31,333 --> 00:34:33,458
Can you check if there is
no other baby inside?

497
00:34:35,875 --> 00:34:39,791
“It's all perfect. You can resume
your sex life from now on”.

498
00:34:42,666 --> 00:34:47,000
I was eager to tell the doctor:
“Look, you son of a bitch!”

499
00:34:56,291 --> 00:34:58,291
I looked at Pedro smiling.

500
00:35:00,041 --> 00:35:02,250
I'm not going to resume any shit!

501
00:35:05,833 --> 00:35:07,875
“No, I just feel happy
that you're okay”.

502
00:35:09,875 --> 00:35:15,000
Until one day your friends come to see you
at your house. That’s a beautiful moment.

503
00:35:15,083 --> 00:35:17,291
We, women, have this enviable thing,

504
00:35:17,375 --> 00:35:20,916
that your friend can lie for you,
if she has to.

505
00:35:21,750 --> 00:35:25,666
Your friend will always treat you well.
She will always hug you.

506
00:35:25,750 --> 00:35:29,041
Your friend arrives home and you
have your fucking hair bun.

507
00:35:29,125 --> 00:35:30,833
Your friend comes in and says:

508
00:35:32,958 --> 00:35:35,250
“Oh, you look gorgeous!”

509
00:35:37,125 --> 00:35:39,083
“You look beautiful!”

510
00:35:39,166 --> 00:35:40,833
And another friend says:

511
00:35:40,916 --> 00:35:45,208
“Whoa! it’s like
you never had a baby”.

512
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:49,958
“How can you possibly look so pretty?”
And I am like, “really?”

513
00:35:52,125 --> 00:35:55,583
“Yes. Sure beautiful, radiant!”

514
00:35:55,666 --> 00:35:59,208
“I swear your motherhood
is very becoming in you”.

515
00:35:59,583 --> 00:36:02,916
In the corner is your friend,
who hasn't been a mom yet.

516
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:05,166
Like this: “Aahhh!”.

517
00:36:09,291 --> 00:36:10,416
“What's wrong with you?”

518
00:36:10,500 --> 00:36:13,083
“I don't want to be a mom,
never, ever!”

519
00:36:19,750 --> 00:36:25,416
I don't know if you girls have ever been
overwhelmed with motherhood.

520
00:36:26,166 --> 00:36:29,291
Have you ever had
those shit days of maternity?

521
00:36:29,375 --> 00:36:32,625
When you say
“when is this day over?”

522
00:36:32,708 --> 00:36:35,250
You look at the time
and it's 4:00 PM.

523
00:36:36,500 --> 00:36:40,458
Three hours of activities go by
and it's just 4:10 PM.

524
00:36:41,875 --> 00:36:44,333
I was in those days
and my husband was working

525
00:36:44,416 --> 00:36:47,541
I was with my three kids.
Time didn’t move on.

526
00:36:47,625 --> 00:36:50,625
I was feeling guilty,
because women are guilt-ridden.

527
00:36:50,708 --> 00:36:55,000
I said, “how is it possible that
my favorite moment is when they sleep?”

528
00:36:58,041 --> 00:36:59,291
How is that?

529
00:37:01,958 --> 00:37:04,791
I’ve been waiting all day
for bedtime to come,

530
00:37:04,875 --> 00:37:06,875
and then, I came up with a plan.

531
00:37:06,958 --> 00:37:09,333
I said to myself, “you know what?

532
00:37:09,416 --> 00:37:11,083
I'm going to order pizza and
I will make them watch TV”.

533
00:37:11,166 --> 00:37:16,541
“So they fall asleep, watching TV.
And forget about respectful parenting”.

534
00:37:17,500 --> 00:37:20,791
“Let’s melt their brains
and neurons, So what?”

535
00:37:21,791 --> 00:37:23,916
“And who is going to complain about it?”

536
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:25,625
So, I told them,
“kids. I'm going to order pizza”.

537
00:37:25,708 --> 00:37:28,083
“No”.
How is that?

538
00:37:28,166 --> 00:37:30,166
“We want you to cook today”.

539
00:37:32,958 --> 00:37:36,000
What kind of kid would rather
have a meal instead of a pizza?

540
00:37:36,958 --> 00:37:39,333
But this is a delicious pizza.

541
00:37:39,708 --> 00:37:41,916
“But your cooking
is more delicious”.

542
00:37:43,833 --> 00:37:45,958
So I thought,
“Hmm, I’m a good mom”.

543
00:37:48,541 --> 00:37:51,666
And sometimes we act
like a soap opera actress.

544
00:37:52,833 --> 00:37:55,791
“Well, if my kids
are asking me to cook”

545
00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:59,000
“Then I'm going to cook”.

546
00:38:00,333 --> 00:38:03,666
Have you seen those Instagram
inspiring messages that say

547
00:38:03,750 --> 00:38:07,125
“You are the best.
You can always make it”.

548
00:38:07,208 --> 00:38:08,666
I can't make it!

549
00:38:09,500 --> 00:38:12,416
I don't want to make it! I don't want
any more positive messages.

550
00:38:12,750 --> 00:38:15,250
I couldn't make it that day!
But, as my head was on Instagram,

551
00:38:15,333 --> 00:38:17,083
I said “I might as well”.

552
00:38:17,625 --> 00:38:19,583
And I started cooking.

553
00:38:19,666 --> 00:38:21,541
Anyway, we had
a nice family moment.

554
00:38:21,625 --> 00:38:25,625
I started cooking and the kids
were all sitting around. They're so cute.

555
00:38:25,708 --> 00:38:29,541
The three of them looking at me,
with their six little brown eyes.

556
00:38:29,625 --> 00:38:33,958
They started talking to each other.
I like it when they do that.

557
00:38:34,041 --> 00:38:36,625
They started to talk
about their shit.

558
00:38:38,083 --> 00:38:40,958
Then, my two oldest sons
were talking.

559
00:38:41,041 --> 00:38:42,625
They were saying…

560
00:38:44,125 --> 00:38:45,875
“The thing with Star Wars”

561
00:38:46,958 --> 00:38:50,041
“is that you don't have to watch it
in the order they appeared”.

562
00:38:50,125 --> 00:38:53,541
“There is a chronological order
and a movie release order”.

563
00:38:53,625 --> 00:38:56,708
As I was cooking, I thought
“They will never have a girlfriend”.

564
00:39:03,583 --> 00:39:04,958
“Never!”

565
00:39:05,916 --> 00:39:06,833
So, they were talking.

566
00:39:06,916 --> 00:39:11,666
And I always leave the microwave door
open so that it is not stinky.

567
00:39:11,750 --> 00:39:14,875
And all of a sudden,
I bent down, and I got up.

568
00:39:18,250 --> 00:39:19,750
It was nearly 1 cm…

569
00:39:22,333 --> 00:39:24,541
of microwave inside my head.

570
00:39:27,833 --> 00:39:30,750
I felt how the blood
started to drip down.

571
00:39:32,333 --> 00:39:34,166
And I said “Fucking shit!”

572
00:39:34,250 --> 00:39:37,125
I have three boys,
so none of them did anything.

573
00:39:39,291 --> 00:39:44,000
All they did was say…
“Oh!!!”

574
00:39:46,375 --> 00:39:49,291
And I said to my oldest son,
pass me the paper towel.

575
00:39:49,375 --> 00:39:50,791
What is that?

576
00:39:51,500 --> 00:39:56,000
Balti got bored, he got on the couch
and started to jump off the couch.

577
00:39:56,083 --> 00:39:58,458
He said, “look mom, look mom,
look mom, look mom”.

578
00:39:58,541 --> 00:40:00,708
Balthazar, look,
I'm kind of busy right now,

579
00:40:00,791 --> 00:40:03,708
keeping my skull
inside my head.

580
00:40:03,791 --> 00:40:07,458
“Look, mom, look, mom,
look, mom, look, mom, look, mom”.

581
00:40:07,541 --> 00:40:11,416
Look, look, look, look, look,
look, look, look, look, mom.

582
00:40:11,500 --> 00:40:13,958
Balthazar, really, this is not the time.
I can't turn my head.

583
00:40:14,041 --> 00:40:17,041
Look, mom, look, look,
look, look, mom, look.

584
00:40:17,125 --> 00:40:18,958
What? Balthazar, what?

585
00:40:19,041 --> 00:40:20,208
Balthazar doing this…

586
00:40:29,291 --> 00:40:31,416
Me, still trying respectful parenting.

587
00:40:34,625 --> 00:40:37,125
Whoaa!

588
00:40:37,750 --> 00:40:41,083
Balti, that’s the best
jump I've ever seen.

589
00:40:41,666 --> 00:40:43,416
I thought of my mom
in that same situation.

590
00:40:43,500 --> 00:40:46,458
She would have told me in a second,
“For that shit...?”

591
00:40:49,416 --> 00:40:51,041
“You made me look at you?”

592
00:40:52,625 --> 00:40:55,000
So, I started to get anxious.

593
00:40:55,083 --> 00:40:58,458
because I was alone with the kids.
I thought if something happens to me

594
00:40:58,541 --> 00:41:02,875
what will happen, then? Who could help me?
I don't even know my neighbors.

595
00:41:02,958 --> 00:41:04,791
So, then…

596
00:41:05,166 --> 00:41:10,083
So, what happens?
What if this is serious?

597
00:41:10,166 --> 00:41:11,791
And I have to stay
at the Hospital.

598
00:41:27,083 --> 00:41:32,166
Three days,
drug to my veins, no visitors.

599
00:41:32,250 --> 00:41:35,208
So, I jumped myself
to have a more severe injury.

600
00:41:44,208 --> 00:41:48,083
To be honest, I must say
I admire men.

601
00:41:48,166 --> 00:41:49,333
I admire them.

602
00:41:49,416 --> 00:41:52,583
Their ability
to solve things quickly.

603
00:41:52,666 --> 00:41:56,541
I mean, have you guys noticed that a man,
when at night he comes back home,

604
00:41:56,625 --> 00:42:01,125
he puts his head on the pillow,
and he falls asleep?

605
00:42:02,500 --> 00:42:05,333
Can you guys understand this?
He falls asleep.

606
00:42:06,458 --> 00:42:07,875
His head says:

607
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:14,083
“Another day
being a great man!”

608
00:42:17,875 --> 00:42:20,375
“Another day
without any remorse”.

609
00:42:22,875 --> 00:42:27,041
The king must rest. He puts his head
on the pillow, and falls sound asleep.

610
00:42:27,125 --> 00:42:33,125
And I, at midnight I'm trying to figure
out where my anxiety comes from.

611
00:42:34,458 --> 00:42:36,791
When I don't get anywhere,
I make up a conflict.

612
00:42:38,208 --> 00:42:40,666
I have to wake him up,
and tell him: “Honey”.

613
00:42:42,083 --> 00:42:45,041
“I have a…”
“What? I'm sleeping”.

614
00:42:45,125 --> 00:42:47,833
How can you fall asleep that quickly?
“I am sleeping!”

615
00:42:50,291 --> 00:42:52,666
I can't go to sleep
because I have a…

616
00:42:54,750 --> 00:42:59,083
I have a… a burden, here.
“A burp, you mean?”

617
00:43:10,125 --> 00:43:12,125
I feel anguish, that’s it.

618
00:43:12,208 --> 00:43:15,833
“Ok, it’s for something that happened
or something that could happen?”

619
00:43:17,083 --> 00:43:19,916
Something that happened,
and it’s a feeling.

620
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,041
“Hell!”
He looks like this.

621
00:43:24,250 --> 00:43:25,375
“What?” I asked him.

622
00:43:25,458 --> 00:43:28,708
I feel my friend, “Chiqui”
is mad at me.

623
00:43:30,416 --> 00:43:32,583
“Ok, and why is it so?”

624
00:43:32,666 --> 00:43:36,708
Let me tell you the whole story.
But listen to me. Don't fall asleep.

625
00:43:37,041 --> 00:43:38,416
“I'm listening”.

626
00:43:38,500 --> 00:43:41,833
The other day, after her show,
I had to drop her off,

627
00:43:41,916 --> 00:43:44,166
because she never
drives at night.

628
00:43:44,250 --> 00:43:46,250
So I went to drop her off,

629
00:43:46,333 --> 00:43:48,833
and when I do that, as a friend,
I see that she gets to the door,

630
00:43:48,916 --> 00:43:51,958
and she turns and says “Bye.
Tell me when you arrive home”.

631
00:43:52,041 --> 00:43:55,958
It doesn’t matter if she's already asleep.
It doesn't matter, it's the gesture.

632
00:43:56,041 --> 00:44:00,500
So, I see “Chiqui” gets out of the car,
she gets into the house and comes inside.

633
00:44:00,583 --> 00:44:03,458
She didn't turn around, at any point,
and said good bye to me.

634
00:44:03,541 --> 00:44:04,875
So what then happens?

635
00:44:06,333 --> 00:44:09,250
It's obvious, she's mad at me.

636
00:44:11,791 --> 00:44:13,708
I see Pedro by my side.

637
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:19,416
Right?

638
00:44:22,333 --> 00:44:25,125
Why your fucking “Chiqui” friend
doesn't drive at night?

639
00:44:39,875 --> 00:44:45,000
It’s true. I find men are very efficient,
except when they go to the supermarket.

640
00:44:45,833 --> 00:44:49,000
Nope. If they go there
and they are hungry, nope.

641
00:44:49,708 --> 00:44:52,500
I like to go to the supermarket.
I don't like him going.

642
00:44:52,583 --> 00:44:54,291
But when he goes,
I always tell him, “Honey, please”.

643
00:44:54,375 --> 00:44:59,333
“It's important to me that you bring
yogurt, milk, and bread”.

644
00:44:59,416 --> 00:45:02,375
The rest you choose,
but yogurt, milk, and bread.

645
00:45:02,458 --> 00:45:04,750
He comes back
from the supermarket

646
00:45:05,583 --> 00:45:08,625
with a bunch of stuff,
except yogurt, milk and bread.

647
00:45:09,750 --> 00:45:12,666
I tell him, “Honey, where is
the yogurt, the milk and the bread?”

648
00:45:12,750 --> 00:45:13,833
“There wasn’t, any”.

649
00:45:17,333 --> 00:45:19,333
While the three children
had a new toy.

650
00:45:21,666 --> 00:45:24,625
And on top of that, I'm sure when
he returned, he said, “Shit!

651
00:45:26,416 --> 00:45:28,208
Kids, what about the yogurt,
milk, and bread?

652
00:45:28,291 --> 00:45:30,041
“There wasn’t, any”.

653
00:45:31,125 --> 00:45:33,791
I prefer to go myself, because
I'm efficient at the supermarket.

654
00:45:33,875 --> 00:45:38,333
I carry the bags. I don’t make mistakes.
I go at the time when it’s empty,

655
00:45:38,416 --> 00:45:40,333
I enjoy it, but I’m kind of
a “fucking old lady”,

656
00:45:40,416 --> 00:45:43,916
When they change things around I call
the stock boy and ask what’s going on?

657
00:45:45,833 --> 00:45:48,625
I know the cheese was here,
why it’s not here anymore?

658
00:45:48,708 --> 00:45:51,125
I don't know, you should claim
at Customer’s Service.

659
00:45:51,208 --> 00:45:52,375
Mmmm.

660
00:45:54,208 --> 00:45:56,333
I like to read the ingredients.

661
00:45:56,416 --> 00:46:00,333
I don't know some of them,
but I put them in my cart anyways.

662
00:46:00,416 --> 00:46:02,416
It's like my moment of freedom.

663
00:46:02,500 --> 00:46:06,375
I see I was getting older when I started
to enjoy going to the supermarket.

664
00:46:06,875 --> 00:46:10,833
I see an off price and I say Whoa!

665
00:46:12,750 --> 00:46:15,166
When I finally get to the checkout,

666
00:46:15,250 --> 00:46:17,333
I make a kind of casting to choose from.

667
00:46:17,416 --> 00:46:20,041
It's not like just staying in the line,

668
00:46:20,125 --> 00:46:22,583
but rather, you walk around and look.

669
00:46:28,166 --> 00:46:30,458
This guy looks kind of stupid, but.

670
00:46:32,500 --> 00:46:33,875
Here, I like this old lady.

671
00:46:33,958 --> 00:46:36,666
So, you get in the old lady’s line.

672
00:46:36,750 --> 00:46:38,291
I always screw it up,

673
00:46:38,375 --> 00:46:42,333
because, when I choose someone I always
choose the dumbest person.

674
00:46:45,291 --> 00:46:49,083
And I see the old woman starts saying…

675
00:46:49,166 --> 00:46:53,750
Look, I will pay for half of the purchase
with a card, but the other half with cash.

676
00:46:53,833 --> 00:46:55,333
So I'm going to need two invoices…

677
00:46:55,416 --> 00:46:57,416
And I say, “fucking shit”!

678
00:46:58,333 --> 00:47:00,916
The line starts getting bigger.

679
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:04,083
I see the next
checkout is opening and I say to myself.

680
00:47:04,166 --> 00:47:07,166
Should I go to the next one or not?
Should I? should I not?

681
00:47:07,250 --> 00:47:10,833
I'm sure if I switch,
they will tell me it's closed,

682
00:47:10,916 --> 00:47:12,916
I’ll look stupid
and cannot go back.

683
00:47:14,541 --> 00:47:15,791
So, I say I'm staying here.

684
00:47:15,875 --> 00:47:18,458
The gentleman in the back shifts, and
quickly passes by the checkout next to me.

685
00:47:18,541 --> 00:47:21,791
And I say, I won’t look at him,
I will pretend I didn't see him.

686
00:47:22,833 --> 00:47:26,250
Then, the cashier does not know
the code for paprika or broccoli.

687
00:47:26,333 --> 00:47:29,208
What was the code that I had to put here?

688
00:47:29,291 --> 00:47:31,625
And suddenly, the checkout collapses.

689
00:47:31,708 --> 00:47:36,416
The checkout collapses and she says, “Ops,
I can't enter the code."

690
00:47:36,500 --> 00:47:37,875
So, she turns on a light.

691
00:47:41,250 --> 00:47:45,125
And you think, who's going to come
here to help her?

692
00:47:46,416 --> 00:47:50,875
From the middle of the supermarket
a little old woman shows up

693
00:47:52,416 --> 00:47:55,083
She’s full of card and keys,
very efficient.

694
00:48:00,500 --> 00:48:02,833
What happened to you, Mrs. Jacqueline?

695
00:48:04,125 --> 00:48:08,541
I was passing the items
and suddenly it collapsed.

696
00:48:09,083 --> 00:48:12,125
You didn't use the right code for…

697
00:48:12,208 --> 00:48:14,625
She wrote a code,
passed the card, and that’s it.

698
00:48:24,500 --> 00:48:26,291
That old woman was a Goddess.

699
00:48:27,541 --> 00:48:29,333
And one gets amazed.

700
00:48:29,416 --> 00:48:30,750
The old woman is leaving
and turns back saying.

701
00:48:30,833 --> 00:48:33,541
Mrs. Jacqueline, did you go for lunch yet?

702
00:48:37,750 --> 00:48:39,958
No, I couldn't go.

703
00:48:41,416 --> 00:48:45,125
Ok, then when you close the checkout,
you will go for lunch,

704
00:48:45,208 --> 00:48:46,833
because you have to.

705
00:48:46,916 --> 00:48:51,041
So, at last, the cashier is in a hurry,
because she is hungry.

706
00:48:52,416 --> 00:48:56,791
It's my turn, and I think,
I won’t fail here, I’m good at this.

707
00:48:56,875 --> 00:48:59,666
Relax, we´ll be out of here soon.

708
00:48:59,750 --> 00:49:03,250
Now it's my turn and right there
I screw it up, because,

709
00:49:03,333 --> 00:49:07,625
please people, next time you go
to the supermarket alone, remember me.

710
00:49:08,375 --> 00:49:11,500
You have to pass before the cart.

711
00:49:14,541 --> 00:49:18,416
No, the cart before you, because
you cannot take your stuff out.

712
00:49:20,333 --> 00:49:23,000
I moved forward
and I realized I screwed up.

713
00:49:23,083 --> 00:49:24,250
These people have already moved forward.

714
00:49:27,125 --> 00:49:30,208
And I had said I was good at this, so...

715
00:49:33,958 --> 00:49:37,416
One believes to fit between
the cart and the checkout.

716
00:49:41,208 --> 00:49:43,750
Don't worry, I can do it.

717
00:49:47,125 --> 00:49:49,916
Right in the middle you get stuck.

718
00:49:55,875 --> 00:49:58,083
No, I don’t fit in, oops!

719
00:49:58,166 --> 00:50:01,875
Now I start passing my things,
and the old lady is hungry.

720
00:50:01,958 --> 00:50:03,833
The code of everything is ok.

721
00:50:03,916 --> 00:50:08,000
And then we realize the pandemic
took us something very valuable.

722
00:50:08,500 --> 00:50:10,875
The kids packing your bags.

723
00:50:11,875 --> 00:50:15,375
I never realized how stupid I was.

724
00:50:17,291 --> 00:50:20,333
Until you missed these people.

725
00:50:20,416 --> 00:50:22,875
I liked them, because
they looked like a mafia.

726
00:50:24,208 --> 00:50:25,833
They stood up like this.

727
00:50:26,625 --> 00:50:28,250
They did the same casting you did.

728
00:50:30,750 --> 00:50:33,083
José, go to checkout 22, now.

729
00:50:33,166 --> 00:50:34,750
And a guy came in.

730
00:50:34,833 --> 00:50:36,666
Let me help you, lady.

731
00:50:43,833 --> 00:50:46,041
If you are treated as a lady.

732
00:50:48,583 --> 00:50:51,791
Back in my college days,
I remember I was on the bus.

733
00:50:52,375 --> 00:50:55,458
I rang the doorbell,
but the driver wouldn't stop.

734
00:50:56,041 --> 00:50:57,541
I get off here.

735
00:50:59,166 --> 00:51:02,000
I... Sir...

736
00:51:03,083 --> 00:51:04,958
I get off here.

737
00:51:05,791 --> 00:51:07,875
Suddenly a guy on the bus starts shouting.

738
00:51:07,958 --> 00:51:09,958
"Hey, you asshole,
the lady wants to get off!"

739
00:51:10,041 --> 00:51:10,916
And I was like…

740
00:51:21,833 --> 00:51:25,666
As I got off, I said:
“My phone number is…”

741
00:51:29,583 --> 00:51:33,416
So, I am gathering all
my supermarket stuff by myself.

742
00:51:33,875 --> 00:51:38,625
Besides, I took my bags. I took two bags,
but I bought stuff for five bags.

743
00:51:38,708 --> 00:51:39,875
But it doesn't matter.

744
00:51:39,958 --> 00:51:43,000
I sort of play Tetris,
trying to put my stuff in the bags.

745
00:51:43,708 --> 00:51:46,708
The old lady goes fast and I'm going fast.

746
00:51:46,791 --> 00:51:50,041
Then you realize you put bleach
and meat all together.

747
00:51:50,125 --> 00:51:51,666
Who fucking cares?

748
00:51:53,291 --> 00:51:55,791
You arrive home and say,
“now meat is disinfected”.

749
00:51:59,583 --> 00:52:02,708
You know, I love having girlfriends.

750
00:52:02,791 --> 00:52:06,291
Having girlfriends is the greatest thing
that can happen to a woman.

751
00:52:06,375 --> 00:52:10,125
Women are very good, when we want to,
with other women.

752
00:52:11,916 --> 00:52:14,916
You can talk with your friends
by using sort of telepathy.

753
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:18,666
You look at them, they immediately
know what I am thinking about.

754
00:52:18,750 --> 00:52:20,375
From far away you do like this…

755
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:26,833
And she knows exactly what…

756
00:52:26,916 --> 00:52:30,166
And what's more,
we women have a secret code,

757
00:52:30,250 --> 00:52:32,375
not many people know about.

758
00:52:33,083 --> 00:52:35,291
Every so often
one of your friend will tell you.

759
00:52:35,375 --> 00:52:39,208
“I’ll go to the restroom,
am I blood stained?”

760
00:52:41,458 --> 00:52:46,000
Yeah, sure, go.
We have a period like walk.

761
00:52:46,083 --> 00:52:48,250
And it is not a normal walk.

762
00:52:48,333 --> 00:52:50,541
It's like: Okay, I'm coming.

763
00:52:58,208 --> 00:53:00,625
And your friend
doesn't even move for a second.

764
00:53:00,708 --> 00:53:02,125
She looks and does…

765
00:53:05,416 --> 00:53:07,208
I've done that with my husband.

766
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:14,125
Honey,

767
00:53:14,208 --> 00:53:15,916
can you check if I am blood stained.
I’ll go to the restroom.

768
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:18,833
"No."
Why not?

769
00:53:18,916 --> 00:53:23,041
No, I don't know how to look at that.
I do not know where to look.

770
00:53:24,250 --> 00:53:26,125
Down there, Pedro.

771
00:53:26,208 --> 00:53:29,000
I did not know you had that thing here.

772
00:53:29,083 --> 00:53:32,041
It's not that hard. Look,
I'm going to go to the restroom

773
00:53:32,125 --> 00:53:34,625
and I did my period like walk to him.

774
00:53:45,083 --> 00:53:46,291
He was looking at me like this.

775
00:53:48,541 --> 00:53:49,625
It’s all right!

776
00:53:53,583 --> 00:53:56,333
I like to gossip with my girlfriends too.

777
00:53:56,416 --> 00:53:58,541
We are pretty good at that, aren't we?

778
00:53:59,666 --> 00:54:01,708
It is a gift bestowed upon us.

779
00:54:02,791 --> 00:54:09,125
We are pretty good at gossiping, so your
friend calls you at 4:00 PM and says:

780
00:54:09,208 --> 00:54:13,166
“Honey”.
What? what?

781
00:54:13,250 --> 00:54:15,375
“I need to tell you something!”

782
00:54:15,458 --> 00:54:18,333
“You´re going to love this!”

783
00:54:18,875 --> 00:54:20,708
And one feels excited!

784
00:54:20,791 --> 00:54:23,125
Yeah, ok, tell me.

785
00:54:23,208 --> 00:54:25,375
I'm sitting down. Tell me.

786
00:54:25,458 --> 00:54:27,500
“No, I have to tell you this
face to face”.

787
00:54:29,041 --> 00:54:32,333
As if she was disclosing a secret
from the police or something.

788
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:38,583
Okay, you will tell me face to face.

789
00:54:38,666 --> 00:54:41,458
You will come over
to my house tonight.

790
00:54:41,541 --> 00:54:44,458
I will prepare some snacks
and you're going to tell me.

791
00:54:46,333 --> 00:54:48,500
The night is almost upon you.
She arrives, and you say: “Hello”.

792
00:54:48,583 --> 00:54:50,458
“Hello. You look beautiful”.

793
00:54:50,541 --> 00:54:53,041
Just a minute,
I'm going to prepare snacks.

794
00:54:53,125 --> 00:54:54,875
Don’t start without me.

795
00:55:01,291 --> 00:55:02,375
What?

796
00:55:04,375 --> 00:55:07,625
“B-I-T-C-H”.

797
00:55:08,958 --> 00:55:10,166
What?

798
00:55:12,375 --> 00:55:15,958
“Ok, remember the other day I went
to a party you didn't want to go to”.

799
00:55:16,041 --> 00:55:18,916
“Good thing you didn't go,
because it was really boring”.

800
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:21,916
“Well, I was sitting there,
and all of a sudden, I noticed”.

801
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:25,166
“As it was boring, I kind of started
to look closely at people,

802
00:55:25,250 --> 00:55:26,583
you know I do that”.

803
00:55:26,666 --> 00:55:29,541
“So I started to look at people and
in a corner I could see ‘La Negra’”.

804
00:55:29,625 --> 00:55:32,500
“I said, weird, because she never comes
to these parties, but never mind”.

805
00:55:32,583 --> 00:55:35,458
“So, I noticed she was there,
and that was a crazy thing”.

806
00:55:35,541 --> 00:55:39,583
“All of a sudden, and don't
ask me why, really, don’t”.

807
00:55:39,666 --> 00:55:42,833
“But I had an intuition that there
was something wrong with her”,

808
00:55:42,916 --> 00:55:44,375
“I could see it in her face”.

809
00:55:44,458 --> 00:55:46,375
“And because
I'm a Sagittarius. So look”.

810
00:55:52,250 --> 00:55:55,125
“I saw her, and I said
to myself, ‘mmm’”.

811
00:55:55,208 --> 00:55:58,250
“This looks weird,
but I played dumb”.

812
00:55:58,333 --> 00:56:03,333
“Then, she stood up, and walks
in front and goes to the restroom”.

813
00:56:03,416 --> 00:56:05,708
“So I said, ‘mmm I will go
to the restroom with her’”.

814
00:56:05,791 --> 00:56:07,083
“Look, this is what I did”.

815
00:56:07,166 --> 00:56:09,541
“But I have to stand up to tell you.
So, I stood up”.

816
00:56:09,625 --> 00:56:13,208
“I went on to the restroom, and
she was kind of washing her hands”.

817
00:56:13,291 --> 00:56:16,166
And I was like "Mhm, mhm, mhm".

818
00:56:16,250 --> 00:56:19,125
“She was washing her hands
and I said ‘Hello, how are you?’”

819
00:56:19,208 --> 00:56:22,166
“She said, ‘I’m good. How about you?’
And I said to her ‘Good, too’”.

820
00:56:22,583 --> 00:56:26,625
“That was the conversation,
but I sensed something was going on”.

821
00:56:26,708 --> 00:56:28,708
“So, I stood there and I said,
‘it’s good you're okay’”.

822
00:56:28,791 --> 00:56:32,875
“’That’s good, right?’, she said”.

823
00:56:32,958 --> 00:56:36,333
“Oh, wait, now I remember
the restroom had the mirror”

824
00:56:36,416 --> 00:56:39,666
“we saw the other day,
and I took a picture of it”.

825
00:56:39,750 --> 00:56:41,875
“You ask me about that later,
but it looked pretty good”.

826
00:56:41,958 --> 00:56:44,958
“Then I asked her,
‘are you okay?’”

827
00:56:45,041 --> 00:56:48,833
“And then she said,
‘I'm actually not that well’”.

828
00:56:48,916 --> 00:56:50,583
“I mean...”

829
00:56:51,541 --> 00:56:53,708
“I'm not rejoicing about that”.

830
00:56:53,791 --> 00:56:56,750
“But she kind of says to me.
‘Hey, I'm not that ok’”.

831
00:56:56,833 --> 00:56:57,750
“And I said to her
‘why, what happened to you?’”

832
00:56:57,833 --> 00:56:58,833
“And then, on a second thought”.

833
00:56:58,916 --> 00:57:01,875
“’What happened to you?’
I got sympathetic”.

834
00:57:01,958 --> 00:57:05,208
“And then she said... you, Bitch!
And she said to me... she said...”

835
00:57:05,291 --> 00:57:06,416
What did she fucking say?

836
00:57:06,500 --> 00:57:08,041
“Bitch, are you ready for this shit?”

837
00:57:12,916 --> 00:57:15,375
I've been ready since
4 o'clock this afternoon.

838
00:57:17,083 --> 00:57:20,916
She said, I'm not that good,
because I haven't felt good.

839
00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:22,416
Don't be happy, I said.

840
00:57:22,500 --> 00:57:24,500
Wait a minute!!!

841
00:57:24,583 --> 00:57:28,000
Because I am P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T!

842
00:57:28,083 --> 00:57:29,375
No way!

843
00:57:29,458 --> 00:57:31,125
Yes, bitch, but wait!

844
00:57:31,208 --> 00:57:34,333
So, what did you tell her?
I told her, a child is always a blessing.

845
00:57:34,416 --> 00:57:37,000
I started talking nonsense,
I started to get nervous.

846
00:57:37,083 --> 00:57:41,541
I asked her, how many months?
She said 14 weeks, get the numbers.

847
00:57:45,750 --> 00:57:47,833
I already said I studied at Duoc.

848
00:57:51,333 --> 00:57:54,750
I hate when somebody does not
make the numbers in months.

849
00:57:54,833 --> 00:57:58,333
It’s not that hard.
I was like “Emm, 14 weeks”.

850
00:57:58,416 --> 00:58:00,791
Well, ok, if 4 weeks
is a whole month.

851
00:58:02,750 --> 00:58:04,125
One, two.

852
00:58:04,208 --> 00:58:05,541
“Oh, it doesn’t matter!”

853
00:58:05,625 --> 00:58:08,000
“What matters
is the dates don't match”

854
00:58:08,083 --> 00:58:12,208
“Because before she was with
someone else. Who’s the father?”

855
00:58:12,291 --> 00:58:15,166
“We will never know about it
until the baby is born”.

856
00:58:15,250 --> 00:58:17,333
“Look at the baby’s face
and say: Ahhhhhh!”

857
00:58:19,625 --> 00:58:22,750
We both looked
at each other and said, “Ok”.

858
00:58:22,833 --> 00:58:25,125
“Well, we are not entitled to judge”.

859
00:58:38,125 --> 00:58:41,791
I have tried to do the same thing
with my husband,

860
00:58:43,333 --> 00:58:45,541
because men like gossiping, too.

861
00:58:46,750 --> 00:58:49,750
My husband arrived home the other day and
said to me: “Honey,

862
00:58:49,833 --> 00:58:52,458
I've got you a good one!”

863
00:58:52,541 --> 00:58:55,416
Whoaa! Let me prepare something.

864
00:58:55,916 --> 00:58:57,833
“It’s not that big of a deal”.

865
00:59:01,125 --> 00:59:02,416
Tell me.

866
00:59:04,250 --> 00:59:06,875
"You know, Maria Paz and Javier."

867
00:59:08,125 --> 00:59:09,458
"They broke up."

868
00:59:19,416 --> 00:59:21,125
What?

869
00:59:21,208 --> 00:59:22,250
"That’s all."

870
00:59:25,333 --> 00:59:26,583
But Pedro.

871
00:59:27,125 --> 00:59:29,916
"What? I thought you would like it."

872
00:59:30,750 --> 00:59:32,041
Yes, but…

873
00:59:33,666 --> 00:59:37,583
"What’s up?
Maria Paz and Javier broke up."

874
00:59:39,083 --> 00:59:41,083
But why is so? Pedro.

875
00:59:41,166 --> 00:59:43,708
"I don't know. I don’t like
asking shit of questions."

876
00:59:46,041 --> 00:59:48,750
Thank you very much.
Have a nice evening.

877
00:59:51,541 --> 00:59:53,833
Thank you.

878
01:00:00,583 --> 01:00:02,916
Thank you very much for coming.

879
01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:12,333
Thank you very much.